#this is for Jonathan Walmart

[actual-corpse]

A sincere Fuck You and an Unmerry Christmas and Unhappy New Year fuckbag.

[overheard-on-base]

I love Scarecrow he is my wife...

Also do you have a cat and/or a Blahaj?

Unfortunately I'm alergic to cat fur but we do have a Blahaj, his name is Jeremiah and he sleeps on my side of the bed when I'm away for work

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

[sailforvalinor]

Just finished watching Jungle Cruise with my family—all in all, it was…fine. A solid 6/10. Story was alright, though it left some significant plot holes. Pacing was pretty good. There was one twist I was pleasantly surprised by. Characterization, while not terrible, was pretty vague and relied on established tropes to hold them up. While Emily Blunt’s character wasn’t the best-written, I do have to give them credit for not making her belittle the male characters to try to strengthen her character by comparison. I would complain that it’s never explained why she can hold her own in a fight, but that’s never explained for any of the characters, so I suppose that’s not really a fair complaint. I laughed once or twice. Action scenes seemed pretty well-choreographed, though that’s not my area of expertise, so who’s to say. The Rock keeps a domesticated leopard on his river boat and manages to keep it locked in his cabin for a significant portion of the movie (we’re told that he’s kept numerous animals of this caliber on the boat over the years), and it’s never explained how he’s able to do this. The romance between The Rock’s character and Emily’s is fine, if a bit lukewarm and underdeveloped. Overall, felt like they were trying to do The Mummy on a river, which is kind of hilarious given I spent ten minutes trying to convince my family to watch The Mummy before they decided on this one. Anyway, final verdict: Jungle Cruise didn’t inspire any strong feelings in me coming away from it…aside from a wish I’d watched The Mummy.

[morgandekarios]

LEGO CHARLIE SLIMECICLE ?!?!?!

[sparkle-fiend]

Fruity Four Advent Calendar, Day 21: “Midwinter Night”

When they come across the tree in Walmart, Eddie practically starts to vibrate with excitement. "We gotta get it, Steve, please. Please, please, please. I need that tree."

They're shopping for decorations for their first ever apartment together, and they do need a tree, but... "Why that one?" It's obviously artificial, 7 ft tall and solid white. 

"We never had space for a real tree, so Wayne got a little plastic one that fit on the coffee table. It looked just like this one." Eddie waves his hand at the tree in question, like a magician showing off a trick. "I loved that thing." 

Looking at his boyfriend's bright, hopeful face, Steve easily concedes. 

They add some ornaments, a string of rainbow-colored lights, and a tinsel star to complete the recreation of Eddie's childhood tree. 

Once it’s all set up, they stand back and admire the way the lights shine pink, blue, yellow, and green against the white branches. It does look pretty; plus, Steve’s father would hate it - which adds to the appeal. 

(Sometimes the flash of colored light makes his heart race, bringing to mind the memory of a charging demogorgon, or the burst of fireworks against melted flesh in the atrium of Starcourt mall - but Steve ignores it. It'll be fine.)

It is fine... until it's not.

***

Steve comes home, tired and feeling the start of a migraine. He heads through the living room toward the kitchen, intending to grab some water and a Tylenol - when the upstairs neighbor cuts on a vacuum. The muted roar doesn't sound much like a demogorgon, but with the Christmas lights twinkling nearby it's enough to trip something in Steve's weary brain.

He's not in their apartment anymore. He's in the dimly lit hallway of the Byers' house, the smell of gasoline burning in his nose. The lights are flashing, which means the monster is coming - but he doesn't have his bat. He fumbles around the coffee table, searching... it was just here a minute ago, right? His heart is pounding like a drum, pulse rushing loud enough to muffle the voice calling his name.

"Steve? Steve?!"

He can't tell if it's Nancy or Jonathan, but they sound frightened. "Hold on Nance!"

Warm hands grip him by the shoulders. "STEVE!!"

If he doesn't find that bat they're going to die, and it'll be his fault... all his fault... 

"Please baby, come back to me. It's okay - you're okay."

It's not Nancy or Jonathan. Not Robin or Dustin or Erica calling his name.

It's Eddie leaning over him, dark curls falling like a curtain over Steve's face. His cheek is smudged, and for a second Steve thinks it's blood. They're back in the Upside Down and Eddie is bleeding out under his hands...

"Steve," Eddie says softly. He's warm and healthy, wounds sealed into scars; and the smudge on his cheek is just sauce. 

Because he was in the kitchen cooking dinner. Steve can smell it now, sausage and tomato and garlic.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Eddie asks gently.

Steve tries to explain without mentioning the lights, but Eddie knows him too well. He asks just the right questions to work it all out, and the look of guilt that crosses his face hurts worse than a blow to the head. 

Eddie gets up and goes to the tree, yanking the plug from the wall and plunging the room into gloomy darkness. "Ed, you don't have to do that..."

"I do Steve, I absolutely do.”

Steve sighs. It's the night of the winter solstice - the longest, darkest night of the year. It'll be even darker with the tree stripped of lights. "At least wait until tomorrow."

Eddie pauses his task of carefully unwinding the light strands from the tree without disturbing the ornaments. "Come here." He tugs Steve off the floor and maneuvers him onto the sofa. 

"Lay down for a minute, okay? I got this." He fetches a cool cloth and a glass of water, along with the Tylenol Steve originally meant to find.

"What about dinner?"

"It's done. I'll just pop it in the fridge, and we can eat when you're feeling better."

Steve wants to protest, but the pain in his temples has escalated to a blinding pitch. He agrees to close his eyes for just a minute - drifting off to the sound of Eddie humming softly in the background.

He wakes to the same sound and assumes that only a few minutes have passed; until he sees the clock. "Two hours? Shit, you shouldn't have let me sleep so long!"

Eddie shrugs. "You needed it. Besides, I had to run an errand."

He leans behind the tree and plugs a cord into the outlet, filling the room with a soft yellow glow. Apparently, Eddie had replaced the lights while he slept.  Clear, simple bulbs - no frills or flashing patterns. "Are these okay? Be honest." 

Steve nods. It's not as pretty as it was before, but it's comforting; like the lamp he used to keep by his bed. 

Eddie reheats dinner and they eat it straight from the pot, so there won't be more dishes to worry over. The plan was to watch a movie, but Steve is still exhausted even after his nap - worn out by the headache and the panic attack; so they just cuddle together in front of the tree.

Curled against Eddie, head resting easy on his boyfriend’s shoulder, Steve says, “I'm sorry about the tree. It doesn't look like the one you had growing up anymore."

Eddie puts an arm around him and squeezes. "I like this better. We're making a new tradition."

[riddlemama]

Saw this at Walmart and almost died Jonathan is now Corn Goblin and only Corn Goblin

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Helping Hand 8

Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of divorce, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Jonathan Pine, 40s reader

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

The car door shuts and jars you from your daze. You look over, your head bobbling as you squint at the empty seat beside you. You lean against your side of the car until the door opens suddenly and you're only kept from falling out by the restraint of the seat belt.

"Oh, dear," Jonathan's voice startles you.

You frown up at him, rolling your eyes to clear the fog. The last few days, the last weeks, months, and years all flow over you. The displacement of it clutches in your chest.

Just a minute before, you thought it was Andy who left you in the car alone, that you'd just sat through another of his lectures, more a dressing down. No, you're divorced now and that was a very long time ago. You wince as your shoulder thrums and give a pathetic wine.

Jonathan reaches across you and unbuckles the belt. He catches you as you slouch towards him, his proximity suffocating. He is your boss. You need to be careful.

Careful or what? You'll lose your shitty job and your shitty apartment. Big deal.

"Come, darling," he helps you stand, keeping an arm around you, "we can't have you falling now."

You set your feet, your body heavy and stiff. Your hips ache from the waiting room chairs and that persistent soreness that never seems to go away. You lean on him as he shuts the door.

He angles you around and you look up at the building before you. It's not what you expected. You're not at your apartment, instead walking, nearly stumbling, towards the sleek modern architecture of a detached house.

"Where..." you garble around your dry tongue.

"Well, the doctor did advise you not be left alone and you won't be using your arm any time soon. I figure for the time being, you might do well with some supervision, rather assistance."

"Mmm, but..." your voice trails off as he slows and takes the steps with you one at a time, they're low and long, a rather tedious design.

"But what?" He wonders lightly.

You blink as he stops you again, keying in the code on the pad beneath the door handle. You groan and shake your head. You should go home.

"I'll be fine," you argue.

"It is only one night," he counters smoothly, "I couldn't in good conscience--"

"You're too polite, you know that? And so proper," you mutter and let him usher you inside. You couldn't stop him if you tried.

He turns you and sits you a leather bench next to the shoe mat. Of course, his place is luxurious and immaculate. God, what he must think of the broken glass in your front door.

He bends to remove his leather shoes before he comes before you, kneeling to unlace your black orthopedic sneakers. The ones from Walmart with the memory foam. They don't do much for your arches.

"Why are you so nice to me?" You mope, brain fuzzy as your thoughts escape before you can filter them.

"Am I? Or am I just decent?" He scoffs, "darling," he stands with a grunt and bends over you, looping his arms around you to lift you, "I won't presume to know much of your previous entanglement but it might be that you've accepted treatment lesser than what you deserve."

He guides you through a broad square archway and into an equally refined room. You dare say your ex-husband might just drool at the aesthetic. He takes you to the couch and eases you down, pulling several cushions behind you before lowering you gently.

You tisk and look away from him, staring at the black and white portrait of Big Ben on the wall. You don't want to be here, it just reminds you of how pathetic you are. Look at you, broken and beat down.

You close your eyes and groan. You wait, refusing to look, until you sense him back away. You let out a long breath and try to relax. The tension is just making your arm throb and you don't have the energy to maintain it.

He returns and drapes a blanket over you.

"This should do for the time being. I've brought some lounge clothes you may borrow when you feel up to changing out of that uniform. Those things are not very comfortable," he chuckles, "I might make you some tea?"

"I'm fine," you grumble, letting your eyes open just slightly. Your head lolls as you feel ready to doze.

"If you'd rather sleep, that is probably best," he aquiesces.

"Hm," you sniff.

He lets out another soft laugh, "what? You disapprove of something?"

"No," you growl.

"You must. If it is some flaw I possess, I don't mind changing--"

"You," you snip, "you're too handsome and rich to be doing all this for me."

"Handsome?" He repeats coyly.

"Don't even try to pretend you don't know," your eyes close as you babble, "tall and blonde and... strong. I'm a divorcee who can't afford brand name mac and cheese." You yawn and sink back into the pillows, "I know it's only pity. Rich guys just wanna stroke their egos."

The words blaze in your mind as somewhere deep down, you know you shouldn't say them. You can't worry about your rambling as the painkillers mute any strand of sense left in you. He is right, sleep is best, sleep is your only escape.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Met Gala Thoughts

Best in "I thought you were someone else"

(L) Sydney Sweeney as not-Billie Eilish (R) Kendall Jenner as not-Kim Kardashian

Honestly, Kendall looks more like Kim than Kim does at this point.

Best in "Live from Broadway"

Usher, giving Phantom. I hope someone asked him about the Drake/Kendrick beef.

Best in "One Outfit, Two Looks"

(L) Rebecca Ferguson (R) Demi Moore

Best in Technology

Ambika Mod. It's a 3D print of a dress on top of a dress.

Best in "You Could've Done Something Really Meta"

Nicholas Galitzine, whose character in his new film "The Idea Of You" is based on Harry Styles.

Best Rihanna 2.0

Cardi B, who needed 9 assistants to lay out her train.

Reminds me of Rihanna's omelet dress.

Best in "New Look, Who Dis"

Zendaya in her second outfit of the night. Very Blake Lively-ish.

Somewhere inside The Met, Jennifer Lopez was screaming at her assistant for not preparing a second look.

Best in "Couples Who Slay Together, Stay Together"

(L) Eddie and Hannah Redmayne (C) No idea (R) Queen Latifah and Eboni Nichols

Best Cinderella

Quannah Chasinghorse

Best in "Get These People a Career Revival"

L-R. Jude Law, Meg Ryan, Charlie Hunnam, and Michelle Williams

Best of the Gents

(L) Jonathan Bailey (C) Barry Keoghan (R) Colman Domingo, in a tribute to Chadwick Boseman and Andre Leon Talley.

Best in "I Don't Know What You Were Going For But I Guess It Works"

(L) Harris Reed. No idea who that is. (R) Uma Thurman

Best in "Better From The Back"

(L) Tommy and Dee Hilfiger (R) Mindy Kaling

Best "Where Can I Get This I NEED One Yesterday"

A relative is obsessed with dachsunds. I would win Christmas if I got my hands on this. Or a cheat knockoff.

Best in "The More I See Them Appear Together Because They're Contractually Obligated, The Less I Want To See Their Movie"

Cynthia Erivo (Elphaba) and Ariana Grande (Galinda), who've been joined at the hip for the last year to promote Wicked, which comes out in November so there are still six more months of this to go.

Best in "Celebs, They Get Peckish Just Like Us"

Michael Shannon, with a Balenciaga bag. So disappointed it wasn't a party bag of chips. The Balenciaga retails for $1,850 or 115 party-size bags of Lays potato chips from Walmart.

Best in Vintage

(L) Nicole Kidman (R) Lana Del Ray

I was so happy to see a McQueen antler dress show up.

Best in "Oh Dear God Why Are You Here Go Away"

Ben Platt

Kardashians

Jerry Seinfeld and Jimmy Fallon

Lea Michele

Lauren Bezos (though I didn't actually mind her dress)

My Top Looks of the Night

L-R: Karlie Kloss, Nicole Kidman, Elle Fanning, and Gwendoline Christie.

Ultimately...

It was an underwhelming red carpet. The Met Gala serves an incredible purpose, but they've moved too far away from fashion and costume. There are too many actors and people-famous-for-being-famous involved now that have really watered down the fashion, the themes, and the cultural significance of the event. It needs to go back to being the New York elite and High Fashion - people who know how to wear clothes instead of posing with their hands on their hips, sticking out their butts, and pouting.

[frithwontdie]

[actual-corpse]

It's a Christmas miracle!

The Hellscape allowed me hours to work for pay again!!!!

[brokehorrorfan]

Anaconda will be released on Steelbook Blu-ray on February 27 via Mill Creek Entertainment exclusively at Walmart. Pre-orders for the 1997 creature feature are up for $24.96.

Luis Llosa (The Specialist) directs from a script by Hans Bauer (Titan A.E.) and Jim Cash & Jack Epps, Jr. (Top Gun). Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Jon Voight, Eric Stoltz, Jonathan Hyde, Owen Wilson, and Kari Wuhrer star.

No special features are included. The full Steelbook art can be seen below.

A documentary film crew, headed by anthropologist Steve Cale (Eric Stoltz) and director Terri Flores (Jennifer Lopez), ventures into the world's most isolated jungle - the Amazon - in search of a lost and forgotten civilization. Early in their journey, they come to the aid of Paul Serone, a Paraguayan guide (Jon Voight), who joins their expedition. But Serone is actually a poacher on the trail of a legendary snake. When Serone hijacks the boat and its crew on his quest to track and kill the giant snake, he steers the expedition right into the path of the deadly monster.

[morgandekarios]

i love binding with tape so much if only it wasn't so expensive

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Jonathan liking French fries is peak autism behaviour and I won’t hear anything otherwise (source: I’m autistic and it’s like a universal safe food)

YEAH! We support autistic Scarecrow on this blog! :) I have a similar, albeit rare brain condition that has some of the same side effects so I totally get this. I think my personal safe food is ramen. And like, the cheap "chow mein" ramen from Walmart. Whatever works, right?

[wizardwomenwisdom]

eddie got left behind.

it started with nancy: she got a job in new york writing for the big names and never came back after college. her name showed up on the new york times every once in awhile.

then robin moved out after her, following the sound of war cries against the fda. she dawned her combat boots and only came back to hawkins between rally cries for AZT.

a year later, jonathan and argyle decided that the world was meant to be explored. they stopped calling after making it to san antonio. sometimes a random postcard from a far away land floated into eddie’s mailbox.

the last to leave was steve. it was supposed to be a big night for them: eddie knew steve’d been sneaking out in the early mornings when he spent the night to talk to realtors. eddie himself had been saving, hoping they could put a down payment down on one of the ranches out by the bar he’d started managing.

only it didn’t go like that at all. it started with a nice dinner at enzo’s and ended with a goodbye. steve landed a desk job out in arkansas, working for walmart. he was leaving.

and eddie wasn’t part of that plan.

five years passed without contact. steve never came back - it’s not like his parents understood their son enough to want him, and robin only came home when she had the time. eddie was all that was left for him, and steve had left him. right there. right in the dimly lit corner of the only nice restaurant hawkins ever had.

eddie went back every once in awhile to sit in the same spot, and watch the same adults he swore he’d never turn into. slowly, steve’s smile got crowded out by those of men from the bar. the taste of his lips blended with those of the girls who came to his shows. and his laugh slipped from memory, until eddie didn’t know why he kept his silly ritual.

until one night, he heard it.

over the clamor of the dimly lit restaurant, through the din of couples old and new, bubbled a laughter eddie hadn’t heard in five long years.

it was like you could hear a pin drop in eddie’s brain. because there was steve, his hair cropped shorter and cleaner, his suit pressed to perfection. he sat across from robin and nancy who clutched hands like no one could see them. and there was an empty chair next to him that should’ve been eddie’s once upon a time.

eddie dropped a twenty on the table - he’d ordered an overpriced old fashioned and nothing else - and tried to slip out as quietly as possible. but then steve saw him. and the world spun in a way it only had so long ago when steve pulled him in close on the couch, or kissed him quick in the car before anyone saw.

there was a shift in the air, and every shade of grief shot through his body at record speed. then, like prayers that eddie used to whisper in his doublewide, begging for salvation and vengeance and something in between, steve whispered, “eddie.”

its silly how fast someone can realize they got the last five years wrong while kissing in a dingy bathroom stall.

[dibmembraneisgoodlooking]

Shoutout

I just wanted to shoutout to my friends. You guys/girls/Walmart bags/theys/Worm being shoved up my asshole yet?/gum wrappers. Whatever your pronouns are I accept them. But I just wanted to tell you. I love you. Y’all make me so happy. You make me feel that I’m wanted. And that I’m going someplace in my life. You guys are so funny. Y’all are awesome. Please keep up the awesome works. Jobs. And don’t burn out or get depressed over the lamest shit. From your biggest fan and possibly friend. -Skyla. Wait… shit… DibMembraneIsGoodLookin.

@crazyhologramhologram @johnsjackolantern @master-of-fear-s-husband @jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear @tigerbluethunder @00hsv @reporternox @salecrow-blog @sceleracentipede @slut4thebroken