#this is more of an emotional outburst. im just upset about what me and my friends and the people that are so similar to us have been through

[toastsnaffler]

prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............

[sneefsnorf]

i think i would like to make every genocidal imperialist state explode into one million dust particles

[muma-kitty]

alright, since some of you seem to agree with my thoughts, i think i'll elaborate a bit

sweeney todd's autism diagnosis

this might be a bit lengthy so ill spare you the scroll if youre not interested.

stiff movements (this isnt really a dancer's role)

lack of expression, tends to look either sad or angry most of the time. could just be the trauma tho

weird stilted way of speaking (hearn specific)

generally quiet and reserved outside of emotional outbursts (again, trauma)

strong sense of justice - "at the top of the hole sit the privileged few making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo"

entirely fixated on razors when reacquiring them, completely oblivious to mrs lovett talking about her massive crush on him

doesnt know what to do with his hands when not holding anything - "at last, my arm is complete again!"

[shaving contest /w pirelli and aftermath]

doesnt bother with any flash or flair, gets straight to work and gets the job done

becomes agitated and paces when expecting the beadle to arrive at his barber shop but doesnt know when (gotta have a schedule)

[epiphany]

if this isnt a textbook meltdown idk what is

mood swings (man goes through every stage of grief twice in the span of 3 minutes)

lashing out - "alright! you sir! how about a shave?"

mrs lovett trying to calm him down just upsets him even more

[a little priest]

doesnt understand what mrs lovett's hints at at first

asks what unfamiliar food is before trying it, as if hes hesitant to try new things

definitely an odd sense of humor

wordplay. so much wordplay.

more tactile stimming, this time with suspenders (hearn)

[god thats good]

upset because the package he was told would arrive by 5:45 is 15 minutes late (his SCHEDULE is RUINED)

once the chair arrives, becomes agitated when he cant get mrs lovett to stay and watch him open it (PLEASE let me share my interests!!!!)

once again calling for lovett's attention, this time to set up a system of communication. he just really wants to make sure she isnt missing his cues

[by the sea]

several minutes of sweeney being completely absorbed in his own thoughts while giving half-assed responses to at least pretend like he heard any of that nonsense

[wigmaker sequence]

time to infodump

possible echolalia? - "the madhouse? the madhouse!"

[finale]

upset that he now has to go find toby when hes expecting the judge to arrive soon (the schedule!)

doesnt seem to be aware of how threatening he sounds while calling for the kid

after killing the judge, suddenly remembers he was supposed to catch toby and runs out only to realize he didnt grab his razor (only has enough working memory for one task at a time)

im sure there are other details i missed, especially since everyone's performance is different, so feel free to add on

[malzykins]

GIVES US THE VOID HAND FREAKS LORE!!! (You dont have to if you dont want to)

OH BOY. well with a nice little request like that how can i say no 😇 

HUGE preface that this is very AU-heavy because. like I got no beef with the actual canon but I just want to play around with my favourite characters like little dollies if that is okay. :]

To even get to the freaks though we do have to start at the beginning of this for it all to make even a lick of sense and to me anyway it feels like a lot.. warning not one centimeter of this is without some form of mental degradation and shameless self-indulgence (<- failing to cope with the lasting effects of cringe culture)

absolutely MASSIVE text post belo im dead serious:

Nothing much really differs from the origin of the Operator/Drifter themselves, all the Zariman shit still happens etc. Operator was kind of a bastard child (shes 12 most of them are, but i digress LOL), very much the kinda person to stick their nose in everyone’s business and try to “fix” all their problems if she thought something could be gained from it (sound familiar?), be it a compensation from the people themselves or from her seniors getting basically surface-level information about it all and being like aww what a good kid!! and gassing her up with all this praise. Most other kids definitely knew what she was doing, or at least didnt like her or the vibe she put off, but it didnt really stop her cause that’s not whose opinion she necessarily cared about the most.

When the Zariman incident happened, her ENTIRE support group became her enemy and she was left with nothing. She got her just desserts alright and it broke her, like really broke her, like watching a spoiled brat finally get what’s coming to em and she genuinely did like a total heel-turn in terms of personality temperament etc. She became a lottt more prone to acting childish and favoured emotional outbursts over rational thinking, since she didnt have her people that she looked up to anymore, she didnt have her Glue so to speak. She went from main character syndrome to acting how a 12 year old would probably realistically act in a fr life-or-death scenario overnight

Being a child in a traumatizing situation she latched onto really anything she could get. any distraction. desperately wanting something or someone to trust. so when that damnable doppelganger shows its face, behaving exactly how she used to behave towards other kids (not that she had the self-awareness to deduce that at the time), she instantly ate from the hand that feeds. And there was that :)

Nothing strays from canon between this point and the First Dream. Shes still very much a petulant crybaby and kind of sucks at being a Tenno but thats neither here nor there,, in the Dream, though, is when things start to REALLY deviate.

During the years of war and strife and child-soldier-ism with everyone else, she had a lot of time to think. Shes well aware that all this void power shit wasnt possible before their time on the Zariman, and as far as she was aware she was pretty certain that didnt change the moment they boarded. Over time she fights the memory suppression of her traumas to dig up answers and narrows it right down to that moment she shook hands with herself, something clearly odd and nonsensical, now viewing it with a bit more clarity of mind and basically coming to the epiphany of Oh You Motherfucker. theres no way it was not you. theres no way ALL OF THIS (the existence of the tenno and by extension their eventual drafting into the war, and all of the bullshit that follows that) was not because of you. And when they get told that theyre all going to be put into a cryosleep, because theyre more trouble than theyre worth, really, to just to give everyone around them more peace of mind well. shes quite upset about it. She and other kids definitely try to fight their way out of it (they dont make it far) and rest assured theres no shortness of bawling and sobbing, but deep in there there is anger. She starts to get real pissed off about this whole ordeal and honestly just fucking everything that has lead to it, that piece of her old self that had the capacity for rage and ambition bubbling through the surface.

When she was placed into the First Dream, that quickly manifested well outside of her control. She herself was entirely lacking in conscience, but that essence of herself that existed just beyond her own grasp, that metaphorical spirit that whatever youd want to call it, began to fester in some crevice deep in the Void, not having truly left the place after the events of the Zariman unfolded. It festered and festered and grew until every horrible negative emotion that she Could Not experience in her current state snapped free and went on a violent witch hunt for exactly who the hell made her this way and WHEN she found It, that manifestation didnt relent in the slightest as it quite literally beat the absolute ever-loving dogshit out of the Indifference and (taking some of the various Murmur codex entries very literally) lashed its very flesh apart like a goddamn. kindergarten art project.

Once all of her anger was spent and she realized that didnt actually fix any of her problems, and the bastard was busy reeling for a while because, what in the fuck was all that about, she was left just a lonely, sad empty husk. And because of the Void’s receptivity with negative emotion, it did something with that, taking those lacerated fragments and turning them into something greater, turning them into companions to fill that lonely gap, into the Murmur. they are very No Thoughts creatures and dont understand what existence really is, and like most freshly borned creatures they imprint on the first thing they see (the Indifference) though they know at least the smell of who ultimately made them and are constantly chasing that trail to find the source (hence their appearance in reality in the albrecht labs because we dont really Know in canon what theyre looking for in there exactly (afaik) so I’m justttt rewriting that. for me 😇)

Once they inevitably have their cool reunion or whatever (which takes place a lot sooner than the normal story progression, I just am not sure on where to put a pin) Operator latches onto them just as much as they latch onto her, their Maker, and she ends up neglecting a lot of her responsibilities to just run and play with the little freaks all day ^-^ which really pisses off the Drifter. and makes HER take up the Operator’s mantle, a good chunk of the normal questline being done by her instead.

NOW. for what you ACTUALLY asked for. Im so sorry 😭

THESE three bastards: Prodah, Nahkip, Vedah, in that order. In this little AU thing, Murmur fragments have this little bit of individuality to them in the form of those lighter blue stripes or “veins”, which are more like indentations in their skin that faintly glow with their Void energy. The more a fragment has or the more unique they are, the more respected the individual is in a sort of innate social hierarchy system. If a fragment is born with no veins whatsoever, if they are unmarred and “perfect” so to speak, they are essentially bullied and outcasted to some unloved corner of the Great Indifference to wallow alone, and for a faction all about unity and working together that isnt very nice. :)

Vedah and Nahkip are the two I probably have the least juice for. Not that I dont like them (far from it) I just have yet to reeeeally get to them ;; I at LEAST have personalities and such down

Vedah is like a curious naive little dog. It’s very erratic and jumpy and is more often a follower than a leader. It loves games but gets bored easily, and loves trying to make friends. It definitely makes the most racket out of the three, big chatterbox this one (I love the sounds the fragments make... they are such screechy little creatures it's soooo cute)

Nahkip is probably the most “normal” out of them. It doesn’t vocalize often and carries itself in a bit of a high regard (not necessarily in a conceited way, moreso it is aware that it is of a somewhat higher caliber than most and incidentally behaves as such). It’ll politely listen to others and offer input when it’s spoken to, but once all is said and done, it returns to pretending you don’t exist, going about its own business.

Prodah, the last fellow, is (was?) one of those unfortunate veinless souls. It often found itself a victim of many fights, and it quickly learned that trying to defend itself only made matters substantially worse. In one particularly nasty scenario, its ring and pinky finger were completely snapped off by an attacker and ground to dust. It tried to fight its way out of exile often, but eventually succumbed to the hand it’d been dealt, fleeing to some unaccompanied outcropping overlooking the Void.

Vedah found it, eventually, having sniffed it out and tracked it from where it hid buried in the sand for god knows. Prodah of course, very angry and scared and traumatized all at once, didnt take too kindly to the ordeal, but Vedah’s “people skills” and a rare instance of patience helped bring the guy just enough out of its shell to at least stop regressing into fight-or-flight everytime it (Vedah) moved :] Still VERY skittery and non-trusting. just a bit more… tolerable.

Vedah and Nahkip are friends. or. at least Vedah sees it that way. Nahkip tolerates it but could really give or take. Vedah always wants to show around its new friends to its current friends, and Prodah is not an exception even if it really should be (hence the naivety; you can’t “look guys it’s cool dont be mean okay :D” your way out of everything girl)

LUCKILY Nahkip seems to not gaf. At least not in a bad way. No it actually definitely gaf because it’s been ages since it’s last seen a veinless fragment still kicking around (esp since there is essentially no reproduction of these creatures, whatever exists is all that will ever be (unless MITW feels like getting flayed again. for some reason) so once you’re killed or whatever it’s gg) and is very surprised that one is still alive, figured over time it should have just gone feral and torn itself apart from insanity or decomposed on its own, but it didn’t. and Nahkip is a bit of a studious fellow. so it is very interested in this creature.

There isn’t too much coherent lore after this.. lots of bits and bobs and meat and potatoes but not the most fleshed-out explanation for it all? At some point the three become close enough with one another (maybe more spiritually than anything, cause it likely isn’t so apparent from an outside perspective) that they form a Severed Warden like some sort of Digimon evolution or whatever 😇 There is some large gap of time where the Operator does not see them, the entire Prodah arc happening under her nose so when she next greets them they are together as the Warden and shes so proud of em ;; she doesnt really understand how it happened/works but she knows Vedah and Nahkip are in there and they do their best to introduce Prodah to her. After some coaxing it uncurls itself to meet her and she's absolutely appalled to see a friend in such a sorry state (being a Warden didn’t heal old scars), and figured that wasn’t any way for someone to live. so she removes her gloves and gently holds its hand in her own Void-corrupted ones (that I’m sure most Operators have anyway; shes extremely self-conscious about people seeing them but the Murmur are similar to her, in a way, so with them she relents) to offer that connection and comfort with it. In the same motion, some transfer of power takes place and after a brief moment, Prodah finds itself whole again with two new fingers to replace its lost ones, brimming with the light of Void energy. IN TURN, though, not such is without consequence, the Operator now missing those exact same digits that Prodah initially lacked. She quite literally gave it her own (which is why its lighter-colored fingers in the image do not have the standard issue Murmur claws. also this throws the Indifference for a loop because ??? bastard child I gave you that for YOU. not for you to just give handouts to thralls 😐). This is a complete heel turn for Prodah because while it was initially a perfect, veinless creature and demonized to all hell and back.. to receive marks from the Maker itself??? WILDLY different story. Okay we respect you now. like a lot. like A LOT a lot.

I absolutely had plans to include The Fragmented One in my little repertoire of creatures as well :3c For this I’m going to pull directly from my brief lore document instead of just reiterating what is perfectly fine to copy-paste instead, if no one minds:

“To make an example for the Operator, the Drifter assists Loid in secret in purging the Laboratories of Murmur presence, but ends up slaying the Warden of Vedah, Nahkip, and Prodah in the process. The Operator’s heartrending grief at their passing draws uneasiness from the Indifference itself, and her dormant, volatile energy involuntarily wrenches forth their fragments from the afterlife, as if they had never perished at all (this is unknown to her; her döppelganger is the one to impart this information, yet not knowledge of their whereabouts). She dedicates restless hours to searching for them, neglecting her own health, too nerve-wracked to properly eat or sleep. It is after a week’s passing that the Operator discovers an odd formation within The Great Indifference and, upon touching its surface, the structure breathes in new life, lost fragments rising from beneath the sand to create the One. Upon spotting Vedah, Nahkip, and Prodah atop the bow of the amalgamation, she becomes overjoyed at their revivification, triggering a transference of power between them; the Operator’s Void energy unknowingly begins to bleed over into the One, a deadly power donation creating an impossibly cataclysmic entity with capabilities yet to be measured. In anointment, the Operator honorably dubs the creature Fronrein—’tandem roar’—and it is forever at her beck and call.”

this Fragmented One is no stronger than the one you face normally. I just wanted to squeeze in something for my lore that could possibly explain why that fucker is SO god damn brutal in Steel Path.

Lastly (thank Christ right), something I haven’t yet fully fleshed out is that I want to pull the consciousness of the main fragments into the Operator’s warframes. Likely happened at some point during Fronrein’s birth. it’d be neat for these friends to exist in two places at once :) seems totally feasible to me given how freaky the Void gets. Vedah inhabits her Wisp, Nahkip her Protea, and Prodah her Harrow. None of this is planned, it just sort of Happens. the fourth arm of the One also gets dragged into this (dont have much for it. similar mannerisms to Nahkip I know at least), being placed into the Drifter’s Chroma, and she is NOT happy about it. very peeved actually. She hates these fucking things and to now have them basically be sentient frames walking and (telepathically) talking around the ship MUST be some sort of cruel divine punishment. She mellows out though, after some grueling amount of time, becoming a bit more platonic with her Chroma after slowly letting her own defenses down and just bonding and talking with the guy (now that these Murmurs can actually do that), but still is a bit standoffish with the Operator’s frames.

Operator thinks it’s cool as all hell. She’s brainstorming what all frames she could possibly get next and then try to shove Murmurs into those ones too. MUCH to the Drifter’s chagrin. god help them.

ANYWAY. I dont want to beta read this again I just hope it makes sense. Above all I hope it satisfies your ask ;; this is nearing 3,000 on the word count and actually took multiple days to write LOL /// thank you for giving me the opportunity to spill about these guys :’]

[unofficial-dawg]

Wednesday Addams X Fem Reader | Bite Me Pt II

A/N: Y’all gave so much love to Bite Me Pt I, I simply had to deliver on Bite Me Pt II. Its rough around the edges, grammatical and spelling issues probably, spoilers. Also, Bite Me Pt III, anyone? My Tumblr is very much rough writings, this story will be fully fleshed out and posted to my AO3 (this is a massive project im working on this week and next week)! I’ll drop the @/link, when I get it completely set up, as pinned post. Also Xavier Thorpe x Reader coming soon maybe????

Word Count: ~ 1,712

Watching Wednesday and Tyler interact made your teeth ache. It was weeks since your fight, and though you both weren’t on speaking terms, her friends were your friends too. Or rather, your friends were her friends seeing as you had been attending Nevermore longer than the petite girl ahead of you. “You get a bad vibe from him too right? Like I’m not crazy am I?” You ask Enid. Her momentarily silence said enough but for her to have followed it up with:

“I think its good Wednesday is making friends and I can totally see them being a cute cou—“

“Finish that sentence and I’ll rip your throat out” You spat, pointing your finger at her, your chair sliding back as your long form becomes even more inhuman.

With a sigh of frustration you flatten out your outfit, having been a free day you wore several layers to keep you and yourself away from the sun. Even when it was raining,, the UV rays were a bitch. You re-tuck the band t-shirt that was overtop a long sleeve turtleneck. Your high-waisted jeans gave with ease as they were baggy, making it easier for the layers to adjust. You impatiently tap your left foot covered by a platform loafer on the ground, glancing to the side to stare at the girl you were enamoured with.

If Wednesday was goth, you were her grunge counterpart. The two of you looked..correct standing next to eachother. Complimented and highlighted eachothers beauty. You clench your jaw, your gaze focusing back onto Enid’s form, she sunk into the booth, her claws gripping the table, no doubt because she was quite startled of your previous outburst. Your anger was a force to be reconned with.

“I’m…sorry, I’m just—“ you look at her and begin sincerely apologising, “I-“.

You were stumbling over your words struggling to produce a coherent sentence, luckily, or rather unluckily, it is forgotten as man rapidly presses the countertop bell, “Where’s the service in this place?!”

You glance back where Tyler and Wednesday were previously standing. “Well isn’t that convenient”You grit your teeth in frustration. “Something isn’t right with that boy. This whole situation is fucked” You stare out the window in disdain. It appears Xavier also had slipped from the café.

“Y’know, y/n, maybe she gets distracted by you and thats why she doesn’t bring you with her anymore” The pathetic attempt to comfort you was appreciated nonetheless and you smile sadly looking down at the girl.

————————————————————

The following weeks didn’t seem to get any better. Wednesday was giving you emotional whiplash. You’d both hang out and the routine of back and forth banter would repeat and then suddenly she’d be ditching you to spend time with Tyler or stalking Xavier.

“It’s like I don’t even exist to her anymore” You complain to your roommate. Bianca looks down at you with an annoyed expression, “God, you sound like Xavier y/n…Seriously Wednesday isn’t that special.” She rolls her eyes catching the pillow you haphazardly throw at her.

“It’s not fair… What does he have that I don’t?” You finally show your face to her, the unshed tears seemed painful.

“Do you really want me to answer that question?” She smirks amused at the stupidity of your question.

“Ew. I do not wish to ever have to think about MY girlf—“ you quickly catch yourself “ about Wednesday being with Tyler like that. Or anyone for that matter. she’s mine.” you pout

“If you’re so upset why don’t you just talk to her? It’s a two way communication street y’know.” she lectures “I mean really, y/n/n, sitting here bitching about some girl? The old you would beat you to a pulp if she saw your pathetic ass like this. Over some girl no less.”

This made you pause, “Oh god— Have I been “moping”?” you put quotations around it.

“Brooding, whining, crying being a general nuisance.” she rattles off, “Look y/n, I care about you. But this obsession with Wednesday is turning you into this. I know for a girl thats been alive for this long,, you know more than anyone that people are temporary. And Wednesday will die one day, and what will you do then? Better to rip it off like a bandaid and start fresh yeah?”

“I mean she might as well have stabbed me with a stake in the heart, and not in the good way.” you sit up and rub your face in exhaustion. “I know you’re right, I just… love her. I love her so much and I want to go when she does. I want her to kill me. What do I do B?”

“You vampires are so dramatic” she says and amused tone shining through the mask of annoyance. “Go talk to her. Gift her your cold dead heart, play her your stupid violin, do something to show her how you feel. And when she inevitably breaks your heart pick yourself up and show her why she was interested in you in the first place. You’ve lost your spark y/n. You follow her around like a sad dog. A dumb dog.”

You slide on your jacket, and with a quick “Thanks, B.” you’re slipping out the door to track down the Enigma that is Wednesday Addams.

Enid proceeded to lie to you about Wednesday’s whereabouts for ten minutes. Very quickly you realise she is stalling and you rub your temples in frustration partially giving up on the whole notion of confronting her.

“And so then I came back from Yoko’s room and she wasn’t here.”

You quirk your brow in slight amusement “You’re a terrible liar.”

“I’m not lying!” she says fidgeting slightly

“oh right right. well if you say so.” You shrug pretending to turn and walk away. She quickly attempts to shut the door, but you had other ideas as you snap around, catching the door with your foot.

“But if you were lying,, hypothetically of course” you grin wickedly. Your form was always sickly and a bit inhuman, but when you would shift your posture slightly, and bare your teeth, you looked infinitely more nightmarish.

“Honestly, y/n! We got in a fight and i left, i only came back to look for my nail polish. My guess is the crypt” The girl in front of you cringes at the mention of the monster. You can only assume she’d seen the beast for herself.

Your hand that was resting against the door frame began to turn white, your nails were sunken so deeply into the wooden beam that it was splintering with every slight shift of your hand.

“Is she?”

“Thats all I know” she waves her hands in the air.

“Thank you for the information.” You pry your hand off the door frame and walk back towards your room, assuming you were probably too late. Subconsciously, you glance out the window not thinking you’d catch sight of the goth’s form being enveloped by the shadows of the woods.

With a newfound sense of anger you rush down the corridors to catch up with her. There’s a gracefulness to your movements despite the speed. You suppose it’s a vampire thing. Or at least one of your blood status though you never really bothered to care or pay attention to that.

“Wednesday!” You shout following after,, “Wednesday!”

“stalking me now are we, y/n?” she doesn’t even bother to look at you, choosing to continue on her path to the crypt.

“you need to get a better guard dog.”

“Why is it any of your concern? You think I can’t do this investigation without you?”

“You’re seriously sneaking out to see him?” You deduced, frowning whilst you finally catch up to her.

“You may be blinded by your attraction to him but he is just as much of a suspect as everyone else-“ You grab her wrist harshly.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” she wrenches her hand from your grip immediately.

You glance down at the faded puncture wounds she has on her neck. “so i guess that means nothing to you then?” your facade falls briefly

“We were never official.” she reiterates to you, almost brushing the thought off completely.

“Oh yeah? Cause vampire bites are just something to take so casual right?” You hiss out. “Whatever Wednesday. I’m sick of this shit.” you turn to leave but she grabs your arm. The uncharacteristic movement made you freeze, and hope had electrocuted your heart into beating for a few fleeting moments.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” her emotions breaking through from her usual somber expression and apathetic mood.

“How should I know Addams? You have everyone wrapped around your finger. Xavier, Eugene, who is in a coma, And prime suspect number one.” you readjust your posture, you were quite taller than the girl before you. “You’re gonna get yourself killed. And for a guy no less? For a normie? One that bullied Xav? You are so busy chasing after some guy to see-“

“To see you? Don’t be vain y/n it doesn’t suit you.” she drops her hand and stares at you, her eyes hollow from all semblance of emotion. Your eyes narrow before you turn around,

“As opposed to being what, Wednesday? A selfless idiot that would die for you? The world doesn’t revolve around you and I am perfectly fine in solitude just as much as you are, so we’re done.” You flip her off over your head, not sparing her a glance, as you head back into the castle grounds.

The way your eyes went from a blur of anger and pain to a void abyss greatly intrigued Wednesday. She tilted her head before turning around to meet up with her,, almost boyfriend? At least he didn’t seem to care for titles. Why did you? Why did it all bother her so much? She focused on the task at hand, ignoring the way her stomach twisted into a knot. An unsettling feeling consumed her whole as she arrived at the Crypt.

In your fit of rage, you tipped the police about the stolen motorcycle. At least you could fuck up their date plans a little bit.

[just-your-average-cryptid]

oc fake dash? on my blog? it’s more likely than you think

📷 perfect--shot

did you guys hear about the student who transformed in the middle of class yesterday? apparently something went down by the bathroom on our side of the connector hall, they freaked out and bolted into the woods

📚 bookwyrm

wait really?? I thought it was a rumor no way

🐾 racing-wolves

yeahhhh so turns out righteous fury counts as an emotional outburst and Marcus continues to be a jerk

#me.txt #please don’t spam my inbox im having a Time #also hi layla sorry you had to find out like this

❤️ 🔄

🐺 wallyboy

WHO'S HYPED FOR THIS SEASONNNN

🌕 lycarixsfavoritechewtoy

AWOOOO

🌲 hermit-tree-crab

AWOOOO

🐺 wallyboy

AWOOOO

#let's go howlers! #also make sure to welcome Aria to the team! #track talk

❤️ 🔄

🎥 shuttermoth

🐾 racing-wolves

@ modernsurgeongeneral can you please unpack this for me bc i'm. i'm done.

🎭 modernsurgeongeneral

oh my gods ok. wow.

first of all, hello statistical bias 101, phrasing your answers to make one "objectively" correct like the people arguing against it being a tourist trap "don't care about local history" WHOSE HISTORY JACOB CALMIR FROM NORTHEAST VILLAS. WHOSE. HISTORY

with that out of the way, hey guess who's the most upset about it being a tourist trap? the people it's sacred to! and why are they so upset? BECAUSE YOU'RE TRAMPLING ALL OVER IT

oh and selling merch of it, none of which goes to benefit them, while also surrounding it with people who will chase them out of stores and restaurants built on the land they've inhabited since before your great-great-grandpa could babble, but that's not important here is it?

no, the important part is that your precious tourist money might be threatened because the people you shoved off their own territory are hurting your pwecious feewings by asking people not to spray-paint the stones and maybe stop trying to knock them over for fun

🌕 lycarixsfavoritechewtoy

go off queen

WAIT YOU FLUFFING DOXXED HIM LMAOOO

❤️ 🔄

✨ the-real-lycarix

@ racing-wolves

It's Coming.

🐾 racing-wolves

aha. what

#wait this is the only post on this account #is. is this fr wolf god??? #hey uh #can i just have a break #please

❤️ 🔄

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

re parent regret article.... recently got my mom to admit she and my dad are deeply unhappy and the only reason they got married and had kids (in their early 20s, and it has dictated every moment of their lives since) is because it was what was expected of them and they felt like it was just the thing to do ... its very upsetting to think of how unhappy and unfulfilled my parents are but at the same time its kind of freeing because I understand a lot of their actions better now and their inability to raise us and give me the care I needed. this year I am older than my parents were when they had my oldest sibling and I kind of feel like im older than them now because theyve never fully grown past that point at least not as individuals. ya I suppose everyone has their paths in life and it all fits together and works and means something but it is very sad to realize your childhood was painful because your parents were really just not suited to be parents and couldn't have done any better. im trying to not be weighed down by their lack of self actualization and to be an example for them by manifesting my life in the way I want despite them being upset by it, and to encourage them to become real people now that theyre 60.. umm ya sorry your inbox has become my therapy sessions recently it just feels so much better to confess these things anonymously and write it all out to someone instead of trying to explain to someone face to face and have it deal with their responses. plus i think u understand a lot of my issues although objectively our lives are quite different! anyway yeah hope you have a nice day!!!! xoxo 2012 :3

ilu <3 i relate to much of this i will detail my thoughts below , im glad my inbox can be of use to u i believ The Confessional is a very necessary function in society it can be so transcendent to get something off your chest w/o having to affect your personal life in any way ^^ and i did have a super nice day ty i hope u did too..<3 :readmore:

it is really crazy to think about the pressure ppl face to start families , seems to be less prevalent now but yeah even 20-30 yrs ago it was just, What You Do.. for my parents, they were in love, and i think they rly did want kids, they were together for 5 years before doing it they planned it out, i DO believe they were soulmates. but then once the reality set in idrk there was just this disconnect. my dad was the more nurturing parent, and he had kids from a prior marriage so he knew wat he was in for, i think he missed my brothers a lot so he had perspective. i assume anyway. but he was also major alcoholic which i thought was normal for so long (in england it is i spose). that took up a lot of his time. i know so little about him or his inner workings its quite torturous to me lol.

and my mom is still alive but i know so little about her too, other than stuff i learned thru drunken outbursts. when i try to ask her anything remotely personal or emotional now she stonewalls me so hard :/ she's always just been closed. her childhood was Horrific tho like both her parents were still minors when she was born, her mom is a WW2 orphan and her dad was a delinquent forced to enlist in the navy instead of being sent to juvie. all the stuff she HAS revealed to me abt her life is absolutely bats**t. its awful like i genuinely can not feel a single morsel of bitterness towards my mom knowing wat she's been thru.

that being said i WAS extremely angry at her for a big portion of my life its been a journey to unravel. but at this point i feel so much forgiveness idek how i got here or when. but i love her unconditionally! i also feel that my moms self actualization was rly stunted, not even by having kids but by my dads death, and being left with these kids she has to care for alone, oh god if i try to imagine how she felt it turns my insides to stone. like it really fractured her soul and made existing problems spiral out of control. although that being said she is doing WAY better now in comparison to the past, im rly proud of her. when we talk i try to always encourage her like u say..

really the best medicine is being able to zoom out and view the big picture of Life, not just your life but how all our lives fit together, when you zoom out you can spot the patterns find the order in the chaos. for ages n ages i cldnt understand the reason everything in my life was hell while all these other ppl i knew seemed to have it so normal. Nowadays i can understand how it lead me here, the trajectory and timing of everything, it brought me a lot of EXPerience i can use to help others..Even just by having this blog where i can talk about vulnerable topics , ppl tell me it helps them, i begin to see a new sense of value in my endured sufferings. if i feel like im healing someone that heals me ..

thanx for the msg :] ermm i hope my response dont come off as traumadumping or something LOL i write this all with a matter-of-fact tone in mind. just explaining some stuff for anyone who may need it. hope u have a good night 2012-chan keep shining bright for your family.. <3pmd9

[inqilabi]

I’m an ex muslim desi woman still living at home with parents pretending to be muslim. I’m 26 and I want to move out. I’m gonna start saving so by the end of the next 2 years i can do it. My job is based in the same city as them so I cant use the work excuse. I had an argument with my mom and sister about it today and they used the usual misogynistic religious/cultural stuff like “it looks wrong for an unmarried woman living alone” etc. mom got suuuuper upset and even cried. But she said if i was married it’d be completely fine or maybe for a job in another city. Do you have any advice how to navigate this? My other sisters are married and moved out. My younger brother plans to move out when hes married within the next year too so i think they kinda depend on me to take care of them which is obviously unfair, especially because im unmarried and dont plan to get married soon.

I am sorry to hear this hun. My advice is to definitely move out and commit to it at any cost. I know all the emotional blackmail is very tough to deal with but take it from me. Even if you stayed back, they will not appreciate it/you. And down the road you will be resentful. And let's say it ends up costing you advancement in your life (dating, job prospects etc etc), family and the world will basically blame you for not having your shit together. Like no one understands if such things hold you back.

That's really what I have learned through all the things that I faced is to be inconsiderate of people's feelings. Because guess what - they will still be crying even if you are the perfect daughter.

In your case, if you don't want to get a new job right now then I suggest you say that your interviewing for jobs. And then you know pretend to take calls etc etc as you would if you were interviewing. Make it believable. And then say that you got a job in this x city. And then move. Get comfortable at faking and lying. I suggest lying solely because it's the path of least resistance. You could obviously just look for apartments, commit to it, and then once you sign the lease say - you're moving out. You've signed the lease. And then deal with the emotional outbursts and fall out from there on. You can live with multiple roommates to make it more affordable so you can do it sooner.

Either that or have a 6-8 month plan. 2 years sounds like it could be too far out for you but only you can judge if you can tolerate living at home for that long. during this time apply for jobs that pay more and are further out. But defs have a goal and commit to it.

It would be useful if you could rely on any one of your siblings for help and support. With the process or even lying. Like for instance my brother was totally okay with me lying to get out etc.

[dykeyote]

please tell us your thoughts about jedidiah and lucille's relationship i need to know

THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME I WAS SO SAD THAT IT GOT EATEN ..... but yeah jedidiah and lucilles relationship sort of fascinates me ...... this isnt gonna have a cohesive Thesis or anything and a lot of the things i raise i dont really have answers for bc i think we're gonna get More lucille lore and so its kind of hard to like .... nail down any hard answers rn so im kinda just rambling abt my thoughts but yk . mainly the like ... Secretive nature of their relationship sort of fascinates me theres this feeling throughout that their mother-son relationship is something that needs to be ignored and kept secret . which Does make sense in the broader context that jedidiah might not wanting the kids or even his co-counselors knowing, thats fairly normal (nobody wants to be a nepo baby lol) thats not really what im talking about, im more focused on how this permeates their interpersonal dynamics, mainly in hive of anxiety. jedidiah speaks to lucille in a way that is incredibly formal - the way an employee speaks to their boss, but dialed up even higher than that, up until he starts getting emotional. the effort being put into avoiding the fact that lucille is his mom is Strong, though interestingly lucille doesnt fall into this role as much - though she does change her behavior after jedidiah calls her mom, implying that there is some amount of going w this on her end as well. calling her mom is something that is used as a last resort, and its notable that jedidiah is EXTREMELY upset before this point. before jedidiah resorts to acknowledging the fact that lucille is his mother, hes already had several angry outbursts and almost started crying. it takes him being so frustrated that he loses the ability to speak coherently in anything other than repeating jesus over and over for him to Finally resort to calling her mom. and interestingly, the one time lucille shows favor to sydney over jedidiah within the events we see in canon flips these roles: she speaks to sydney in secret and goes behind jedidiahs back, which also happens to be the one episode where lucille expresses public affection towards jedidiah. just an interesting little detail. its just really interesting to me bc it makes me wonder how long that dynamic of secrecy has been going on? theres some conflicting evidence on this - sydney references jedidiah knowing what love and care looked like, but he has a father so its not clear enough if thats really referring to lucille to be able to extrapolate it. jedidiah makes a sort of dry joke about lucille never teaching him how to hug, but lack of affection doesnt Necessarily equate this specific weird dynamic they have going on. jedidiah mentions to joshua and yvonne that he works for his mom which COULD imply that weird dynamic wasnt a thing in college so they already knew, or it COULD mean that he just said it bc he was in the middle of a rant, or it COULD mean that the counselors just know this information, or it COULD mean fifty different things . u see why jedidiah and lucilles relationship is reaaalll hard to analyze lol . anyway im sleepy so im gonna finish this here but basically im kind of fascinated in the layers of how fucked up they are and i really want to know How Long theyve been this fucked up and Why theyre this fucked up and AGH

[bloodystray]

nothing on this earth is worth sticking around for tbh. im so so fucking sick and tired of all this. sleep. wake up. sleep. wake up. watch my friends drift away. sleep. wake up. put off getting back on hrt. sleep. wake up. go to work and sell 9 hours of my life for like 150 bucks. sleep. wake up. make those i live with upset by having a violent emotional outburst. sleep. wake up. get high. drip-feed my brain negative emotions via the internet. watch my close friends go out and do shit or talk about shit. get jealous of them, be scared for them, think of them constantly but never talk. are you ok? are you safe? i'm glad you're feeling pretty today. i wish i could look even a fraction like what you do. information overload. too much. turn my brain off. get high. play video games all day. get high. waste 3 hours of pay for doordash for lunch. get high. get high. get high. get high. get high. jack off. get high. sleep. wake up. sell another 9 hours. have a panic attack at work because i heard police sirens. have a panic attack walking home because police are parked along my walk home. am i being watched? i'm being watched. they're looking for me. the axe will fall on my neck soon. i need meds. i need a bullet in the head. get home. get high. get high. get high. sleep. wake up. my friend is talking about feeling unsafe. +10 stress damage. accidentally upset my girlfriend. give up on chores for the day again. watch the sink clog and fill with dishes. sleep. wake up. get high. lay there and type a useless vent post. think about how different things could be if i didn't message her goodbye back in 2017. think about how i could be resting right now. ignore my empty stomach. get high. get high. sleep. wake up. watch my body bloat. wonder if my dick will even work anymore by the time my gf gets srs. do i even want srs? does it even matter, it's not like i'm ever gonna look palatable. i should just give up. i should just give up. i should lie down. i should die. i need to die. i need to give up. i need to make it stop. i need to stop the flow of information. i need to make it all stop. this needs to stop. this needs to stop. this needs to stop. help. help. help. help . help. i dont want to be here any more i ndont i dont want to be here im tired im fucking tired it hurts i hate myself im tired im tired i dont want to BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE

[muhgie]

math is such a huge trigger for me. i remember being in middle school trying so hard to understand math but in class i would completely zone out and everything would be a blur. then when my teacher tried to help me and i couldnt understand it, she would get frustrated and then i would cry and she wouldn't be able to help me. then when my mom tried to help me with my homework she would do the exact same thing. so now in my statistics class i'm having the same issue where i cannot grasp anything at all, dont know what questions to ask, etc. and then once i have to do the work i break down and cry because i cant figure anything out. i have that inner critic telling me how stupid i am and how i'll never be able to pass the class. that i should be able to understand it and be better at it. that im just choosing to not understand the math. but i just cant get it. i try and try and i cant do it

and i cant avoid doing the homework because i refuse to take this class again. i have my uncle helping me, a zoom meeting with my professor tomorrow, and a tutor session next week. but the exam is on wednesday and i dont think i am going to pass it

not to mention that when we do problems in class i cant even figure out what i need help with because i am just naturally very slow to figure math out. so by the time i have questions, we'll be three lessons ahead and then i dont understand any of it because everything in math is connected. i hate it so much

whenever people try to explain math to me and ask me if i understand it i have to say no, because i dont undertsand it. but when they get visibly frustrated or irritated (or i come to the conclusion that my inability to understand it is inconveniencing them) then i just lie and tell them that i think that i understand what theyre saying when i really dont at all.

which is unfair, i shouldnt be assuming that everyone is just as impatient with me as my mother is

i wish she would have been more understanding. she is an engineer so she gets math, and she gave me no wiggle room when i tried to understadn it. she wouldnt even give me encouragement like, "its okay maggie you'll get it. i'll help you." she just stopped helping me and sent me to Kumon. and then she got upset that she spent so much money sending me there only for my grades to not improve. when all they did was shove me in a corner all alone making me repeat my times tables over and over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also I DID NOT NEED AN IEP!!!!!!!! I NEEDED THERAPY!!!!!! AND CPS!!! MY DAD ALMOST DIED IN A CAR CRASH WHEN I STARTED MIDDLE SCHOOL AAAAAANDDDDDDD I WAS BEING MOLESTEDDDDDDDDDDD

i am so angry at how poorly my situation was handled when i was a child. those catholic school fucks had no understanding of what an abused child needs. i should have been helped but i just got put in a room with an old lady with catholic brainrot telling me that i had an "emotional impairment." blaming me for my constant emotional outbursts of sobbing and hyperventilating in class because i was so afraid of going home and being abused by alcoholics. and my dad was disabled for years after his accident so i wasnt about to tell him about my abuse. on top of the fact that i was hayleys personal punching bag.

so yeah its hard for me to understand math because it reminds me of being sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused

i just hope that with all of the help that i am getting, i'll be able to pass this class. i think that as long as i tell my prof/tutor/uncle that i might have to take breaks if i start to cry then it will be alright. i have to take research methods next semester but hopefully i wont have to be calculating the fucking degrees of freedom or whatever.

[cherubicwitch]

want to be desired and desirable but I also am thoroughly repulsed by my own being and existence, feeling as though I’m simply a tangled mess of underprocessed emotions that will never see the light of healing and acceptance. im guilty for existing, everything will always be my fault. I am both never good enough and yet too capable to not be used. have two degrees yet part-time jobs elude me. always a second choice. can’t even consume any kind of spicy media without wanting to tear out my insides bc I can’t help but to compare myself to everyone and everything around me. constant nagging thought of “I’m sure that she’s much hotter than me/thicker than me/sexier than me/more interesting than me/not as weird as me/softer than me/quieter than me” every time and it sticks in my brain as I think of more stupid shit that I thought I was done being upset about. I’m only just convenient and nice and subservient and I don’t know how to be any other way, so I sit. and wish that a tragedy out of my control takes me away so I can be done. so I can be a good dead wife a good dead sister a good dead daughter a good dead granddaughter. so everyone’s expectations of me can go away and no longer apply to me. so I don’t have to feel like I’m drowning and numb and yet overwhelmed with every emotion that a human can possibly bear all at the same time. so I can probably finally get an apology from someone as they stare down at my grave, maybe someone will say it out loud maybe someone will mean it maybe someone will beg for my forgiveness bc they know they hurt me. as a subservient kind and forgiving woman, no one feels like they really need to apologize bc I do forgive. and I always will but I just want someone to feel bad for hurting me and wronging me and I don’t think I’ve gotten very many apologies ever in my life. I’m supposed to just move on and forgive but where is remorse? no one is ever sorry for what they did, just sorry for getting caught or sorry that I felt that way. idk I have too much in my head and so much abuse from years that I’m trying to undo my horrible bad habits but fuck is this hard. it’d be so much easier to bury myself. I don’t know if I deserve any of this. I hurt people too from being a constant victim and passenger in my own life. I’m trying to fix that but it comes with being more connected with your emotions and not just pushing them aside and pretending they don’t exist bc you can focus on something or someone else. so now I’m trying to let myself feel things but holy shit it’s so much and these emotions are so big, idk what to do with them. but then I feel guilty for feeling. then I shut it down again and apologize for my outburst(s) and try to go back to normal bc I’m sure no one else around me wants to figure my bullshit out either. everyone else has their own problems, I shouldn’t burden them with me and my stupid emotions and issues.

[tommytranselo]

im so sorry to bother you with this but i just. cannot get behind the thought process that Sam 100% willingly betrayed Paulie and Tommy for Salieri like the game tried to make it out to be.

like theres no way Sam didnt contemplate and weigh his options and only chose Salieri bc he saw a side of him he had never seen before. he saw an outburst Salieri had when talking about Tommy/Paulie and didnt want to be on the receiving end of it. and of course this ties into him killing Paulie/trying to kill Tommy.

if he didnt kill them, Salieri would have had something worse in store for Sam. if he did kill them then. thats literally that but youve lost your best friends and the people youve had a heart for. your brothers, as Tommy put it.

Sam killing Paulie but being killed by Tommy is so bittersweet but i feel like that was the best for many reasons. Tommy practically avenging Paulie was built on nothing but pure emotion. Tommy actually talking to a wounded Sam, Sam trying to give Tommy a way out by saying he can leave. Felt like Tommy vonsidered it for a second and was gonna spare Sam and just leave him there, but hearing Sam reminiscing on the good times they had and brought up Paulie, Tommy remembered why this went down like it did and killed him.

either way Sam new he wanted to die and had Tommy do it bc he was literally backed into a corner at that point. and im sure he preffered Tommy to do it than Salier.

im so sorry if my thoughts arent clear but i just have a LOT of feelimgs abt Sam betraying Tommy/Paulie for Salieri. like i get that Sam is practically playdoh when it comes to manipulation but aint no way you thought Salieri ACTUALLY cared about you more than Tommy and Paulie, hell he didnt care about you at ALL.

Sam knew what he was doing and he hated he had to take Paulie’s life for it to work out

you’re not bothering me at all!  i love hearing other people’s thoughts/analyses

i definitely agree that sam only did it to save his own ass, and he clearly feels guilty as hell about it too.  he tries to distance himself from paulie’s death (“no, paulie got himself killed”), blames tommy for making him choose “again” (when the hell was the first time?) between his loyalties, and throws out all these wild accusations about how tommy would do the same in his position even though the proof otherwise is literally right in front of him.  half the shit he says in the art gallery makes no sense–he’s just talking out of his ass to keep the crushing guilt at bay (i have a looong post about the last chapter alone, somewhere).  he even says pretty clearly that it’s a position he was forced into, not one he wants.

hell, he even says he won’t tell salieri about paulie’s plan (even if he actually robs the bank) when it first comes up.  additionally, paulie claims they’ll cut the don in afterwards and they’ll be safe if they pay him off, to which sam (after tommy says “i don’t know...”) very tellingly replies: “yeah, i fucking know. you do what you want, i won’t say nothin’. i owe you that much. but salieri, he founds out you’re goin’ behind his back, you’ll be planted in the ground right next to morello. you ask me, there ain’t no haul worth that.”  he sounds genuinely frightened when he says it.  he also sounds stressed when he says “salieri is the goddamn difference, you nitwit!” when it’s first brought up, and when they unload the goods, he’s first afraid of salieri being pissed if any cigars are ruined, then sounds strangely resigned to the real score being drugs (whereas paulie and tommy are pissed at the lie, sam is upset but not very surprised), then frantically warns them not to say anything about finding it because “if he wanted us to know, he would’ve told us.”  he sounds scared as shit. sam knows something they don’t.  it’s obvious from the beginning of the chapter that salieri has been deliberately isolating sam from the other two, and it’s obvious long before that he’s a manipulative piece of shit–and you’re right, he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about sam.  tommy was the golden boy (remember his crack about tommy getting a break from “paulie and his cockamie schemes” in the chapter bon apetit? trying to pry them apart) until it started becoming clear he was potentially getting tired of the life, so he picks sam as his new bright star purely because he’s easy to manipulate.  he briefs him about the alleged cigars before the other two, and then instructs sam specifically to give him a ride back to the bar (without inviting tommy & paulie, it’s sam who does that; i assume this is when he was told about the dope).  it’s a deeply fucked up relationship, and sam clearly has reason to be so obviously terrified of him.  i agree with you that he witnessed an outburst over the bank job, but there was something going on before that.  he’s scared and feels trapped and is terrified of anything rocking the boat.  he sees no other options.

i think he puts a lot of faith in salieri, and not in a good way.  sam views him, almost, as all-powerful; he’s a force of nature, absolutely fatal to cross (given that he does eventually get tommy, it’s fair to say he has reason to be afraid).  i know a lot of people headcanon that sam had a bad childhood and i’m inclined to agree.  in any case he’s clearly traumatized by his work and struggles to open up to people, and his loyalty seems based on a fear of being left behind.  the salieri family is all he has.  when tommy tells him “you’re not loyal, you’re just scared,” he doesn’t even deny it.  and hell, he was the one who at the beginning urged tommy to come back if he needed work and seemed to genuinely like him too...except then tommy turns out to be much better equipped to be the kind of friend paulie needs, he starts to feel left out, and salieri takes advantage of that to isolate him even further and make him dependent on him.  his prospects are grim.

in the end i don’t think he did tell salieri about the bank.  i think the getaway car in his club was found, and he was accused of involvement and ordered to kill them as atonement and as a test of loyalty.  if he’d had more time/hadn’t been suspected, i genuinely think he might’ve warned them to skip town or at least contemplated it–he seems like he’s afraid for their safety too–but he doesn’t get that chance, so he panics and says yes.  when tommy hesitates, sam (who was bracing for the shot with his eyes closed seconds before) goads him into pulling the trigger, because even if he doesn’t bleed out in the middle of the gallery, what salieri will do as a punishment for failure will be much worse.  hell, he had no real guarantee salieri would keep him alive even if he succeeded.

sam never stood a chance.

[nonbinaryspacegoo]

so anyway i finally got around to looking up the clips of travis mcelroy playing among us that people are big mad about and i gotta say

its not that deep bro

as a certified neurodivergent its like yeah it be like that sometimes and while you should try to keep a handle on it because it really isnt pleasant for other people sometimes your adhd brain is racing around and bouncing off the walls and you act a lil obnoxious without realising

and look i dont know the man but from my own experience and the experiences of a lot of my neurodivergent friends? those kinds of outbursts of being completely caught up in your own little world are almost always quickly followed by a hard crash of realising you were being annoying and then feeling like absolute shit and wanting to just curl up in a hole and never come back out

was he being pretty obnoxious? yeah. but like. its not that deep bro. it really isnt.

people saying that hes only tolerable when he has his brothers as a buffer really hits on my, and like a LOT of neurodivergent people i know, 's insecurities

like i have friends that help me manage some of my less digestible symptoms so i dont annoy or overwhelm people and its a legitimate debilitating fear that i might only be tolerable with them around and a lot of the comments ive seen regarding how hes behaved during that stream really just straight up gave me really upsetting flashbacks to how people treated me before i had a better handle on my symptoms. now you might read that and say "oh but that was when you were a kid, travis is pushing 40" but the thing is i still have those episodes where im too hyper and push a bad or mediocre joke to far and too hard or am just generally too caught up in what i was excited about to consider other people, or when i was trying to express how i felt about something that hurt my feelings in the moment without properly analysing if maybe i just needed to take a step back from my emotions and be ok with other peoples jokes or whatever.

idk i was kind of dreading checking out what people were mad about but having watched it im just

it seems completely understandable from my perspective. not saying he shouldnt have taken a minute to sort himself out, or that he wasnt being annoying or unreasonable, but it just seemed like a fairly normal issue that neurodivergent people have. it just be like that sometimes, yknow?

and again it just sort of reinforces, to me, that a lot of people really will advocate for neurodivergent people but then turn around and behave indistinguishably from an ableist bully when a neurodivergent person presents or has a moment when an aspect of their neurodivergence isnt digestible and either pleasant or negligible for the people around them, when their symptoms are too loud or make people uncomfortable or overstep someones comfort zone

and look.

this isnt a "boo hoo poor travis" thing or whatever, while i enjoy a lot of his content and relate to a lot of the struggles he is quite public about, i make an effort not to form too strong a bond with people i dont know personally. travis will most likely be fine, hes a grown man whos financially very secure and has a strong support network.

my issue isnt people dunking on a minor celebrity, my issue is the effects it has on people who share his struggles. i know that it hurts me personally to see comments on how he shouldnt try to publicly interact with people or how his, lets admit it, fairly minor and harmless outbursts of inconsiderate or strange behaviour indicate he is actually a Bad Person, and i genuinely believe that it hurts other neurodivergent people as it reinforces attitudes that do real harm.

idk i just

it reminds me that its very easy to be supportive of neurodivergent people when theyre being funny and relatable and charming, but that a lot of allies are more than happy to turn on us as soon as we're not palatable. as soon as we fail to be perfectly accommodating and easy to be around.

i guess if i had to say something to the people making sport of dunking on him at the moment itd be

remember that neurodivergent and mentally ill people are watching and theyll remember how you behaved when you say youre an ally

this post is ok to reblog but i am not taking constructive criticism thank you

[radioactive-dazey]

Sander Sides Theory: Whats on Janus's agenda (Spoilers)

Small heads up. This theory makes reference to the orange side and the ignorance theory. If you have not read the ignorance theory, some of these points may be deemed irrelevant.

Hey guys. Recently I made a point about Janus hiding something and overall, still having some master plan. I want to elaborate on that today if I can.

Lets start in DWITS. We know because of Remus' song, Janus sent Remus to bother the sides. We also know that Thomas's mental state was already low due to the stress about the wedding. It makes sense that Thomas was having intrusive thoughts, but in the context of Remus being sent to them, it possibly implies some sort of motive. (Its possible that motive could have just been to push Virgil into revealing himself as a dark side, as in the same episode, Remus stated he would never hide anything from Thomas while looking at Virgil )

Similarly, in the recent asides video, Thomas's mental health wasnt the best due to the state of his apartment and messages he sent to Nico. Remus shows up. Im grabbing at straws here, but I dont find it unreasonable to believe Janus may have sent him there again, but with an additional motive: to annoy the ever loving crap out of Logan.

Logan getting angry in this past episode felt so staged. It was a set up, and one I think was building up for a LONG while.

Its no secret that our favorite teacher man has had a lack of input for awhile now. Logan takes a lot of pride of being the voice of reason and having his fellow sides look to him for guidance. What has been happening is his absence from episodes, caused by outside factors (Janus benching him in the courtroom episode) or by his own will (Logans lowdown in the wedding episode, and Janus replacing him later)

I want to talk about both of these episodes, so lets start with the courtroom episode. As mention in my very first orange side theory, Janus was NOTICABLY giving all the attention to Roman. Stating how his fellow sides never listen to Roman, practically flirting with him on the witness stand, and giving ROMAN the final say. He was feeding into Roman's heroic nature and trying to guide him to choosing the callback instead of the wedding. Of course, Roman sided with Patton, and ended up being miserable for it. What exactly does this have to do with benching Logan?

I interpret it as Janus "scapegoating." A scapegoat is the person a party or group of people throw blame onto when something doesn't work out. By throwing the attention onto Roman, and giving Roman all this authority and power, Janus is actively isolating Logan and letting Logan's frustration build up.

Now to Logan's Lowdown in the wedding episode. When he first appeared in his pixelated box, he stated the reasoning being that he didn't want to be too invasive. He didn't want to be too involved because the topic was about emotional and moral issues. Roman stated his presence was optional, and Logan told them their options were to be informed or ignorant.

And then ROMAN LITERALLY CHOSE IGNORANCE, AND HE WAS THEN IGNORED FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE. Even when Logan apologized to Patton for hitting him with the text box. Even when Patton ASKED for his input, he then IGNORED it. The yellow skip button appeared and Janus took Logans place. Im willing to bet that Janus put the button there to further isolate Logan.

Remus showing up this past episode was done to push Logans button. He's being ignorant to Logans advice and guidance, being the final trigger for Logans outburst. It can potentially lead to Logan ducking out and the orange side showing up to cause chaos, or alternatively, prove to Thomas he cannot stay blind to his own issues forever.

Finally, lets talk about the eyes.

Logans eyes glowing in WTIT really threw me off for one reason: while Logan being the orange side HAS a lot riding on it, the fact that Virgil stated Janus had "friends" (meaning, more than Remus) implies that there has to be a physical orange side. I already made several statements as to why I don't have much faith for the wrath theory, so lets review as to why I have faith in the ignorance theory.

-Logan giving them the option to be ignorant: Logan also gave them the option to be informed. In this context, being "informed" is the opposite of being "ignorant." Every side has its counterpart, (Deceit and Morality, Dark vs Light creativity) so its not wrong to assume that this would ALSO work for whatever Logans counterpart is.

-the color orange represents ignorance and Deceit

-Sort of my own head cannon BUT the orange side being named Icarus REALLY works with the trend of the dark side names ending with "-us"

-The orange side being ignorance makes a lot of sense because being ignorant CAN be a natural defense response for some people, as lying has become a defense for C!Thomas and his anxiety. These past 2 years has made me turn a blind eye to a lot of the horrible ugly things in the world to protect my own mental health. As no one side is "good" or "evil," and its up to each person to interpret their own actions as "good" or "evil," staying ignorant to some matters can be beneficial mental-health wise, and may not be such a bad thing.

(TL.DR.) In conclusion, there is evidence that suggest Janus may be isolating Logan from his fellow sides. Logan becoming angry and upset is a natural response to this happening. The orange side being ignorance makes a lot of sense.

[blueeyedheizer]

avoid - michael gray

WARNINGS: mentions of death, pregnancy

A/N: not sure if I like this or not lol, also it's not really proofread (actually yes i've proofread it about 50 times but my brain is barely functioning sksjdjdb) aaaand I still don't know how to end my fics

•••

You felt like you were living with a ticking time bomb waiting to blow off. You weren't sure what had caused Michael to be so cold and distant with you today but you knew that if it had anything to do with work, it was better to let him deal with it on his own. He had never been violent towards you —and you knew he would never be— but the idea of him raising his voice at you still made you nervous.

It all started this morning when he got up at about 5 to answer a call and didn't get back to bed after that. Instead he got dressed and left without a word, leaving you alone until he came back in the afternoon. You had figured Tommy must have needed him to take care of something important, but as the day went by and he was still in a mood it was getting clear that it had nothing to do with business.

"My mom wants to pay us a visit next week." you speak hesitantly as Michael walks through the door. He quickly walks past you, whispering a small "alright" on his way.

"She said she has a surprise for us. Probably has to do with the baby." you try to smile but he avoids your gaze. He only nods before grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl and leaving the room silently. Your watch him walk away with concern, the worst thoughts starting to occupy your mind.

Was he seeing someone else? Was he planning on breaking up with you?

You glanced down at your growing bump and shook your head before going back to the dishes, trying not to overthink the situation.

But soon enough, you grew tired of the deafening silence in the house and the lack of company. Michael was definitely avoiding you, staying in his office while you sat alone in the living room, trying to read a book to ease your nerves. With a sigh you closed your book and placed it on the couch next to you before making your way over to your husband's office, determined to get answers.

You didn't even bother to knock before bursting in, causing Michael's head to shoot up and his hand to instinctively reach for the drawer where his gun was safely tucked. He relaxed and leaned back on his chair when he saw you then ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily.

"What is it, Y/N?"

"What is it?" you scoff. "You've been avoiding me all day, I want to know why." you crossed your arms over your chest, leaning against the doorframe as you waited for an answer.

"I'm not avoiding you." he spoke lowly, as if already annoyed by your presence.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you locked in your office on a sunday, not bothering to speak to me and brushing me off like I'm some stranger you don't want to cross path with?" he doesn't answer and keeps sifting through his papers and writing things down. "Michael, Im talking to you!" you raised your voice.

"Fucking hell Y/N, just leave me alone! You’ve been here all day trying to get me to talk when I clearly don't fucking want to talk to you! You really can't take a hint, can you? Just get the fuck out of here!” he suddenly yells as his first collides with the desk, making you flinch. Your body tenses and the room fills with a heavy silence as you stare at each other, his eyes hard and cold while your own fill with tears, trying hard not to let them slip. You were already a pretty emotional person, but your pregnancy made it all worse so it was obvious you'd start tearing up at the slightest confrontation. After a moment he rips his gaze away from yours and you open your mouth before closing it again. Your heart is beating fast in your chest and you can almost feel a wave of nausea.

"I'm just trying to help, Michael." you murmur, voice shaking.

"Well I don't need your help!"

After a few seconds you walk out of the room, closing the door behind you and allowing yourself to sob.

You hear a few muffled curse words coming from the office as you make your way back into the living room, soon followed by the sound of the door opening.

"Fuck, Y/N, wait!" Michael suddenly calls out, storming out of the room and running after you. Before you knew it his arms are wrapped around your waist from behind, his thumb tracing circles over your belly as he holds you close. You don't try to push him away but you sob into your hands in shame of not being able to control yourself around him, your hormones getting the best of you.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. Fuck, I didn't mean any of this." he spoke softly, in complete contrast with his previous outburst. He holds you and waits for your sobs to die down, occasionally pressing kisses on your cheeks and neck while his hand rubs your belly in a soothing manner. "I'm sorry, love. I love you so much." he chokes on his words as tears escape his eyes as well.

You try to focus on your breathing and control your sobs as you wipe your tears, holding your arms close to yourself while looking down.

"We're having a baby, Michael." you remind him. "You can't keep everything to yourself and just let me sit and watch when you're going through something. You can't just avoid me like the fucking plague whenever you're upset. Not anymore." you manage to say, a few hiccups cutting you mid-sentence as you speak.

"I know baby. I'm so sorry." Michael takes a deep breath before pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek. He's silent for a few more seconds, swinging you back and forth in his arms and letting you calm down before speaking up.

"My foster mom died." he finally admits softly. His arms tighten around you, refusing to let you go in fear that you would leave. Your eyes soften and you reach to rest a hand on his cheek, leaning up to press a small kiss to his jaw.

"I'm sorry." you say softly.

"I shouldn't have left her like I did. I abandoned her when I met the Shelbys and," he sighs. "I don't know. I shouldn't have cut all ties with my foster family so suddenly. Now it's too late and the woman who raised me for most of my life will never get to see my daughter." you stay silent for a moment, trying to think of an answer.

"She knew you loved her. And she also knew the life you had with her was not the life you were meant to live. You were raised as Henry, but deep down you've always been Michael. I'm sure she never blamed you for leaving." you say and he nods. You eventually let go of his embrace and turn around to wrap your arms around his waist, hugging him as properly as you can with your 5 months pregnant belly getting on the way. You both stay silent for a moment, his hand running through your hair soothingly.

"I really wish you'd told me sooner."

"I'm sorry, Y/N, I really am. I know stress is bad for the baby and I didn't want you to worry about me but I ended up doing the exact opposite." you pulled back and kissed him softly, reaching up to wipe a tear from his cheek.

"It's alright. Just promise me you won't keep these kind of things to yourself anymore. I lost my father too, you know. I know what it's like to lose someone you love." Michael nods before kissing you again, letting it linger for a moment before pecking your lips again.

You look up at him with a smile before pulling away to rest your hands on your belly, looking down at your clothed skin which grew more and more with each day.

"She's been kicking a lot lately." you smile.

"Yeah?"

"Mhmm." you nod and watch as he gets down on one knee, lifting your shirt up and kissing your growing skin as your hands rest on your hips. You chuckle at the feeling and place his hand above your belly button, your own resting on top of his, waiting for something to happen. You eventually guide his hand a few inches lower and a huge smile breaks on both your faces when you feel a rather hard kick, quickly followed by a second one a little further away from the first.

With one last kiss to your swollen skin Michael gets back on his feet and cradles your face, pulling you in for a passionate kiss which you gladly return.

"You're going to be the most amazing mom."