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shootycatfishgame · 5 years

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Well its done, "Shooty and the Catfish Episode 2: The Spoopies" is finally out in the wild for people to play, why you can even play it yourself for free if you head on over here: https://visitorsfromdreams.itch.io/shootycatfish-episode2 Truth be told the game has been out for 3 days now and has only been downloaded a grand total of 4 times. It might seem like a discouraging number for sure but its important to remember that this is the second episode of a series, and with the first episode itself only being downloaded a total of 124 times to date (my previous project Hazmat is sitting at 525 downloads and Flatwoods at 849 downloads) its not that surprising. In all honesty im not really expecting the series to really gain any sort of momentum until its fully finished and released as a stand alone product on Steam, and I think thats fair enough. The idea behind the episodic releases was largely so I could get the feedback to improve each episode as the project went along, and I think I have achieved that so far. So I guess you could consider this to be a post mortem. Where did things go right with Episode 2 and where did they go wrong? Well, for where things went right, development started in March and was finished in September so you could say the game had a 7 month development cycle. Looking back at it now due to the length of the episode that actually feels really excessive considering the amount of content in the actual game (which I will come back too) but compared to the first episodes 2 year development cycle it was a huge improvement. I am also pretty happy with how the games set up worked. Episode 1 played it very strait with its single town and non linear dungeon set up taken right from the standard JRPG guidebook. Episode 2 on the other hand was a little more experimental. The opening town was more about establishing a tone then a solid narrative with the Episodes dungeon being where all of the real story telling happens. While im sure this isnt a new idea, its something I havent personally experienced in any turn based RPGs. Sure, its not uncommon to find environmental story telling packed into the game world, but to have every combat encounter also be an NPC that pushes the narrative forward? I think the results were perhaps a little wordy and at times a bit on the nose, but for the most part I think it works. Episode 1 had a very non linear dungeon which worked well but it was nice working on something a little more directed as well which Episode 2's layout definitely was.

Im really happy without how the quality of life improvements in the game turned out, introducing new elements like coded doors for different kinds of keys and giving you the option of finishing the game without fighting the optional boss which, you know, actually made that optional boss optional. In fact I was so happy with those changes I went back and patched them into Episode 1 only a couple weeks back.

So where did things go wrong?

Well, to be honest, the only thing I wasnt happy with was how long it took me to get this game out. Like I said, 7 months is a big improvement compared to 2 years, but its still a lot longer than it should have been. Some of this was definitely my fault... as mentioned above there was a big push to have all the narrative put into the dungeon, but the down side of that was that it meant there was a lot more meaningful dialogue in this Episode than there was in Episode 1. The previous Episodes dialogue was mostly made up of silly gags from goofy NPCs in town, but for this Episode I had to create that ALONG with the more serious and narrative driven dialogue found in the dungeon itself. There were several weeks where I didnt touch the game at all because it all seemed so daunting. Ironically when I finally forced myself to write those sections it ended up only taking me 2 nights, so really I spent weeks if not months putting the project off out of fear of something that ended up taking collectively 6 hours tops.

So yeah... that explains some of the delay, but not all of it. The second issue that struck me during the development of this Episode was my own insecurity. The first 5 months this games development were during a time when I didnt know what was happening with my job, I was very nervous, and with my fiance being processed through the notoriously awful Australian immigration system I was also pretty damn scared. The last few weeks of those 5 months was a massive period of crunch at work for a huge project and then immediately it was over... and I was out of a job. If I had known for sure that this was how the gig would have turned out I would have spent more of my free time trying to develop a following. I might have even been able to get my Patreon into a state that could have helped me out financially a little, or atleast thats what I liked to think I would have done, but at the time I didnt have the confidence or energy to do so. This was followed with me taking up a freelance project (well quite a few actually but most were great) which while it has definitely paid my bills over the last couple of months, it has also left me exhausted, emotionally and physically. All of this slowed down the development of the game, and perhaps even more importantly had a large impact on the writing of it.

"Shooty and the Catfish: Episode 2 - The Spoopies" deals with some pretty heavy themes, with suicide and the treatment of suicide victims being chief amoung them. Then on top of that I realised half way through development that while the idea of an office building full of ghosts of asshole business people who commited suicide after a stock market crash does have some comedic value (poor taste as it may be), the gameplay loop of systematically killing every single one of those ghosts has absolutely no comedic value and is quite possibly the most morbid thing I had ever created... Ironically not even on purpose... I found myself in a situation where I accidently created a "suicide victims ghost murder simulator". While im no stranger to creating offensive or disturbing content, for once this wasnt my intention but rather the result of the games story concept clashing with the established gameplay mechanics... and realising too late. What do you do when you set out to make a dumb comedy about 2 wise cracking idiots that kill monsters for money and instead... well here we are. What a mess... Im not going to pretend that the game handles the subject of suicide well and I also dont think I ever could approach the subject in a satisfying way. If its treatment upsets or offends anyone I think thats completely understandable and any critism I receive because of it is completely justified. Something I do think that is a positive to come out of all this however is this is the first game project I have worked on that I feel, to me personally, is a piece of "art". Well I mean... I think all games are art, but playing through this game now I can see the struggle I was going through developing it reflected through the characters and through the writing. Its almost like playing through 5 months of my own loose streamed consciousness. My stress, my depression, my insecurity, my fear, my defeatism, its all there. The game has tonal whiplash of morbid nihilism and stupid dumb goofy comedy in a way I havent been able to pull of since my 2014 film Spilt Coffee (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jp2HSx_f9WE) which ironically serves as a prequel to this game and was created at a time of my life when again, I felt quite trapped. Episode 2 might be the worst game I have made to a lot of people and thats totally fair, but I think its also my most personal and sincere for what thats worth. Thats it for this update, I have gone on long enough as it is. So where do we go from here? Well... I made myself and my players a promise at the end of Episode 2, and thats that Episode 3 will be a fun light hearted adventure. I think after this games development I really need it, and hopefully the contents of this depressing Episode doesnt stop those players from coming with me on that adventure too. If your interested in helping me support my indie game development then why not check out my Patreon? https://www.patreon.com/VisitorsFromDreams Every little bit helps ~ <3

Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to read this post.

#rpgmaker #RPG Maker #indie game #Indiegame #post mortem #pixel art #pixelart

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doodlesimss · 5 years

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Simmer, get to know

I was tagged by the lovely @desira-sims for this one! Under the cut so I don’t fill up your dash 😊

Your name: I usually go by Em online, or doodle. Full name is Emma, no middle name. My family and a few very close friends call me Emmy, and my dad calls me doodle, which has been a nickname he’s had for me for years.

Languages you speak: English is my mother tongue. I speak French and Spanish at a high level. I would’t say I speak them at a “native” level, but I would consider myself near-fluent. I started learning Catalan about 6 months ago, and I can read and understand that almost perfectly, speaking and writing is a little more of a struggle. I also just started teaching myself Italian, so that’s very basic. Oh, and I can read Portuguese I guess, and a few other minor Romance Languages. Oh, and I know a tiny bit of Arabic. I love languages, can you tell?

Are you a mermaid: Quite the opposite, I hate the water and tbh, I probably can’t swim.

Your playstyle: Hmm, a mix of casual and storytelling. Of course I have my two saves that I share here on tumblr. I also have a supersim save that I’m playing myself, and I have a couple of other personal saves that I just.....play.

Your selfsim picture:

Stories or gameplay, builds, lookbooks, edits or cc: All I guess? Although building and gameplay are my favourite aspects, but I like to mess around in other areas.

Your favourite age state: Hmmm, toddlers are super cute, but YA because that’s when there’s the most to do with them.

Your favourite season: Autumn. It’s beautiful in all the worlds in this game, but especially Brindleton Bay.

Your favourite holiday: Hmmm. Rebate Day? I don’t tend to use money cheats so it’s a lifesaver 😂

How was your day: Pretty good! I was persuaded to watch Doctor Who for the first time by my ever so lovely friend (you know who you are) and now I need to know all the things. Also the 13th Doctor is like 96% of the reason I started watching, we fangirled over her for a good 10 minutes non-stop.

Your favourite career: In the game, probably any of the freelance or work from home careers. I much prefer being able to have my sims actually do their jobs. Feels more rewarding that way.

Your favourite aspiration: Hmm. Honestly, I tend to forget about aspirations, so I’m not really sure.

Your favourite ep, sp or gp:

EP: Cats and Dogs

GP: Parenthood

SP: Tiny Living and Laundry Day.

How old is your simblr: I shred my first post 4th March, 2019. So almost a year old!

Have you woohooed: Nope.

Your favourite skill: Hmmm. Gardening, or wellness.

The size of your mods folder: 5.13GB

Your 3 favourite mods: MCCC, UI Cheats, and Reshade (does that count as a mod?)

Your interests (other than sims): Other PC games, especially Stardew Valley and Cities: Skylines. I also enjoy reading, art (mandalas, zentangle, watercolour, calligraphy, digital art). Languages. Listening to music. Watching youtube, Netflix, TV.

Your favourite sim (picture if possible): My favourite sim is actually not one that I’ve ever shared here on tumblr. She’s called Mia Hayes, and I played through uni with her. She’s an absolute icon, especially with her facial expressions.

which sims games you have played (including mobile games): I used to play Sims Freeplay alllll the time. I also played Sims 3 for several years before I moved onto the Sims 4 about 3 (ish) years ago!

Propose a crazy scheme: ermm...going out on a Friday night instead of staying in like I always do. Jk, never going to do that.

Best part of simblr: The people, and learning all the cool tips and tricks.

Worst part of simblr: Again, the people. Unfortunately, there are some bad eggs out there.

What other games you play: Mostly just Stardew Valley and Cities: Skylines

other websites or accounts (origin, twitter etc..): hmm. I’m @/doodlesimss pretty much everywhere I have an account to do with simming. And I have an art instagram under the name @/emdoodling!

I think everyone who I would tag has already been tagged, so if you would like to do this, feel free to say I tagged you!

#tag game #simblr get to know #desira sims

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jaigny · 5 years

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So like with all this isolation and panic bout this dang virus ruining lives... l wrote and made my own legacy/challenge!

MY 10 GEN LEGACY CHALLENGE Made this up when l couldn't sleep and l was I couldn't pick what type of one l wanted to do so I created my own. This one isn't supposed to be rushed through, but more of a go with your own pace/gameplay to make this game more interesting.

Gen 1 - White This is the start. The start of something new. All different roads of paths laid out before you, yet your paranoid and worried about the future 'what ifs'. This Gen will be about self discovery of what they want to do and want so following 2 out of 3 whims is required. and atleast 2 degrees in University from either universities. Traits required :- Paranoid, Non-commitial and Self-Absorbed Aspiration:- Diccover University Academic Aspiration Career:- Professor

Gen 2 - Grey You've settled down from gen 1, you have a kid/heir and now the spotlights on them. As they grow your child will be an only child (although for story purposes you can have separated parents who take say siblings away or if you want to add drama miscarriages may be included) This child of yours craves for stardom. The spotlight will be there's but they have to work either hard for it or schmooze themselves up to the big leagues. And will automatically generate the last trait of their parents. Max out Acting skill and get a Gold degree in Drama Traits:- Self-Absorbed,Outgoing and Ambitious Aspiration:- Master Actress/Actor Career:- Acting

Gen 3 -Black Although you've lived a life of luxury from your parent/s being so rick from their work, they never really had the time to spend any quality time with your and/or your siblings. So luckily your siblings and you are close and you got each other when calamity happens and your parent/s gotta work or even bankrupt and may occasionally break the law to support your family. Each sibling will have one trait the same and must be at least 75 % green (Good friends or Best friends) and max the parenting skill. Traits:- Loner,Kleptomaniac and Family Oriented Aspiration:- Public Enemy Career:- Criminal Career

Gen 4- Pink Life's been tough but you've always been a go with the flow sort of person. Despite your close family ties from Gen 3 into Gen 4 you seem to in ways distance yourself into the arts. Musically or by painting or even drawing it just gives that warm tickle of feeling good about expressing yourself. You even meet the love of your life at an art museum and you both bond over talking about different art pieces, even a fun little nude model painting to be that moe extra thrilling! Must reach max skills in painting,writing,any music instrument and singing. Traits:- Creative, Art Lover and Music Lover Aspiration:- Bestselling Author or Painter Extraordinaire Career:- Writer or Painter Freelancer or by making money from novels,paintings and music pieces etc.

Gen 5- Red After having a decent life of listening to the sounds of music flowing through your ears and the scratching sounds of pen on paper and the smell of paint have decided as soon as you step outside o take a deep breath and begin to dabble in the wonderful smell of dusty novels about supernatural lore. Absolutely fascinated by it you make it your life's aspiration to find them no matter how long the road may be but you figure out the first spot to check out that's known to be kooky - Forgotten Hollows and a river in Glimmerbrook. Must marry or birth a heir with a vampire, spellcaster. Max out the vampire lore or spellcaster lore skills as well as mixology. If you become a spellcaster you must make a small tiny retail potion elixer shop. For vampires you must turn at least 5 sims and create a vampire court in your household and give your next gen eventually the drink that makes them back into a human when they become a YA to give them a choice of whether they still want to be a vamp or human.Max Research and Debate, Writing and Logic skills. Attend university in Language and Literature. Traits:- Bookworm, Geek and Self- Assured Aspiration:- Vampire or Spellcaster routes. Career:- Sell potions or become a Moonlight Bartender

Gen 6 - Purple Whether your human , spellcaster or even a vampire, you seem to other sims have that ability to allure others in either friendly or romantically with almost no difficulty. So you use this as an advantage on finding the one or to break as many hearts as possible. You will need to max our the charisma skill and must have a partner that has the unflirty trait. And as an income have decided to either create romance advice or non fictions and to have 10 ex's and 10 good to best friends. Traits:- Romantic, Cheerful and Perfectionist Aspiration:- Romantic/Soulmate or Friend of the world Career:- Sell flirty cookies and red velvet cupcakes as baker/retail business and must be excellent/outstanding quality.

Gen 7- Orange Your parent is a great baker but a terrible cook which makes you want to be a great chef. Be a master or flavor. Even open a restaurant. To share great food or become a critic. The choices are yours. Attend Culinary Arts. Must maxout both mixology and cooking skills as well as discover all of the secret recipes and different foods (ramen, curry etc from different packs) Traits:- Foodie, Good and Neat. Aspiration:- Master Chef

Gen 8 - Blue With all that delicious food in your home you can't help but put on a few kilos. So to fix that you learn about wellness as well as go to gym at first only to become of sorts a gym junkie and love sports! You also inherit the Neat trait from your parent. And in ways makes you want to probably later in life become a surgeon as the human body fascinates you so! Max out Fitness and Wellness skills. Go to University to learn about Biology. Traits:- Active, Bro and Neat Aspiration:- Body Builder Career:- Doctor, Athletics or Police

Gen 9-Yellow Now that you got physical in the last gen, its time to do the time warp again! You've grown up with healthy meals that have fueled you into the world of science and robotics! Your favorite thing to do is play chess or read a logic book. Since you have a high love of circuits, during your university years you decide to make a robotic 'sim' that will pleasure your every need -- you just need to remember not to fall in love and avoid water! Soon though you grow tired of your nuts and bolts robot looking for human socialization and contact where you after majoring in robotics major for a second degree in Physics and then a 3rd degree of Psychology. Must max out all the requited skills for all 3 degrees. (Logic, Robotics, Rocket Science etc) Traits:- Genius, Insane/Erratic and Squeamish Aspiration:- Strangerville Mystery Career:- Scientist, Military or Space Explorer

Gen 10 - Green Its been a wild ride of a generation in your family, so its time to go with the flow of life or waves. You can either live by the beach in Sulani or Briddleton Bay or live in wooded areas such as Glimmerbrook, Windernberg or Granite Falls (You just have to purchase a blank lot and then go on vacation and either live in a rental or live in the Deep Woods). Who knows what other surprises you'll find collecting seashells or plants/herbs and whose to say its a definite end of the road for future generations but for you its time. Max out 6 skills (Gardening/Florist, Both Cooking Skills, Fishing, Handiness and Painting) Collect all shells and plants/herbs and make remedies. Make furniture from from the work bench. Make simoleons by painting scenery. Get to know a mermaid, dolphin or ranger/bear/hermit. Traits:- Hotheaded, Loves The Outdoors and Clumsy Aspiration:- Botanist, Outdoor Enthusiast or Beach Life. Career:- Freelancer (Painter), Selling collectibles/remedies, Conservationist Careers (Marine or Environmental Branches.), Gardening/Florist or even Odd Jobs.

#My challenge!#l hope y'all like my first challenge!

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eturni · 5 years

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Day 6 - Sleigh Bells

Day 6 of @drawlight‘s advent calendar challenge. https://drawlight.tumblr.com/post/189391982184/drawlight-drawlight-aziraphale-crowley-for Today is Sleigh Bells - featuring a CW for mentions, but no descriptions, of sick kids.

Four months after the world didn’t end a certain angel and demon were still figuring out what it truly meant to be freelance agents on their own side. They’d been spending enough time together, however, that Aziraphale thought nothing of paying the other an impromptu visit at his Mayfair flat.

He stopped at the door with his hand raised to knock, straining to listen as he thought he heard some sort of commotion inside. Something cold and hard settled in his stomach and through his muscles as he considered if hell had come back for the other. Instead the sound resolved itself into something familiar. If not too familiar. A bag of coppers? Cutlery being spilled across a floor? Bells?

He knocked and the sound abruptly stopped. Then, just as abruptly, jangled in a panicked non-rhythm before going entirely quiet again.

When the demon answered the door Aziraphale’s anxiety was mollified to see not a hair out of place. Confusion and a moue of annoyance tugged at Crowley’s lips briefly before he took in the wine in Aziraphale’s hand and his expression smoothed out a little.

“Not like you to come up here. Everything alright?” He asked, moving just far enough aside to let Aziraphale pass, their bodies close enough to catch the heat from the angel as he moved past.

“Absolutely tickety-boo, dear boy. I just thought it would do for me to come here every once in a while. I do appreciate you being in the shop, of course, but I also thought that I should make the effort, as it were, to see you too.”

Crowley blinked and sidled his way around the angel in his usual restless orbit. “Right.” He agreed softly, carefully plucking the bottle from the other’s hands. “Wouldn’t hurt I guess. I like the shop though. Don’t mind coming to you.” He stressed, a little worried despite the assurance that Aziraphale was hoping to start clearing his demonic influence from the shop. Bizarre thought, really. The angel hadn’t fussed much at all in the last 100 years even while he had a decent chance of Crowley being caught physically in the shop. With no bosses and no sides it wouldn’t make sense to start taking exception to it now.

“Well I see.” Aziraphale smiled down at his hands with something that might have been tender if Crowley could see it and he found the worry loosening its fingers in his chest. “That’s quite… Well, what I mean to say of course is that you’re welcome any time you like.” Aziraphale offered, the faintest rush of blood in his ears making his words seem even quieter than they were.

He cleared his throat, trying to get some distance from the turn the conversation had taken. “I do wonder though… What was that sound earlier? When I first came to the door there was quite the commotion going on.”

Continue on AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/21638803/chapters/51757060 or:

“Unh, ng, it’s, ah… I mean nothing much.” Crowley shrugged, moving off into the kitchen to get a couple of glasses and trying not to wilt when Aziraphale followed him. “Nothing you need to worry about.” He hedged, starting to circle again as he poured out the glasses, hoping to take the angel’s attention away from the topic.

“I thought that hell’s forces had come back for you.” Aziraphale muttered almost sullenly. If it was a little bit exaggerated it at least did the job of getting the conversation back in his corner.

“Sounded that bad, huh?” Crowley seemed to consider this. “Supposed to sound right but I might get away with painful and ear splitting. Demonic and all that.”

“Honestly now Crowley, what on earth is going on? You know it’s not my job to thwart you any more. And that… I trust how you sow your wiles.”

Crowley was so taken aback by the sudden change of “Your demonic doing I presume.” about any horrific event that for a moment he didn’t think to lie.

“Actually it’s not… might have got roped into a gig. At St Ormond’s Street. With the Santa stuff. Supposed to ring him in and all that. I mean they’re just bloody bells, how hard could it be?” He glowers towards the Mona Lisa as though she (or whatever was behind her) had personally betrayed him.

The next moment a long leather strap dotted with sleigh bells was in Crowley’s hands and he gave it an accusatory shake. It was obviously supposed to be from a harness to hold reindeer in like and Aziraphale couldn’t help but think that one of the simpler hand held things would have been easier.

“How exactly did you get ‘roped into’ announcing Santa at Great Ormond’s Street?”

“One of the kids saw my eyes. Told him I was one of the elves for kids with bad spelling that sent their list to Satan instead of Santa.” He gave the string of bells another couple of absent shakes. “Kids seemed pretty taken with it so they asked me to join in with the yearly visit. Thought, may as well right? Encourage kids to be good for Satan. Seems about right for whatever it is we do now.”

He looked up expecting an exasperated half-glare or conflicted purse of the lips. He did not expect Aziraphale to be giving him one of those soft looks, the telltale sheen of moisture just at the edges of his eyes.

“And how often do you go there, my dear boy?”

“What? I- every so often I guess? Sick kids, lotta stress. You only ever have to make small things go wrong before the adults start turning on each other.” He snapped back, suddenly back to defending his demonic position even though neither of them were quite one side or the other any longer.

Aziraphale shook his head with a smile that was far too knowing. “So you’re one of Santa’s elves?”

“Satan’s elves. Was thinking about bringing a hell hound instead of a reindeer but I don’t reckon they’d be big on letting me have one on loan again. Now I suggest you stop smiling before I tell them I found a better actual Santa.”

“And see you dressed up making children smile? Was that supposed to be a threat, my dear?”

“Surrounded by sick kids with no miracle budget to do anything about it might be.” Crowley muttered somewhere between threatening and bitter as he sipped at his wine.

Aziraphale decided that he could talk to Crowley later about his experiments with exactly how much divine power he could access. For now there were a few low level miracles he could do for at least low pain Christmases and movements towards recovery. “I see. Very demonic indeed. Stressful time and adding Satan worshipping children into the mix for their responsible adults. I must say, I find that sufficiently evil that I may have to try a small thwarting anyway. You said they may need a Santa?” he asked, eyebrow arched high.

“Angel there’s really no need.” He sighed with a shake of his head.

“Well on the contrary it seems there’s some dark wiles to be thwarted, and some, if I may say, alarmingly attractive elves with less than stellar bell ringing talent. I think it’s something I should see to.” The angel nodded firmly, looking down at his own hands gripping the material of his trousers over his thighs like a lifeline.

Crowley almost choked on his next mouthful of wine and set it aside with a clink that almost made Aziraphale flinch it was so stark in the sudden quiet. “I can ring bells just bloody fine.” Crowley argued, though he sounded as though he’d just had the breath punched out of him.

This was something he could focus on. Not the rest. That was too raw and open and not at all certain.

Aziraphale smiled soft and uncertain from his seat and tried to tell himself that it was fine. What kind of a response did he expect anyway. “We shall only see on the day, I suppose.” He offered with only a little disappointment. It was rather overshadowed by his feelings about how sweet a certain demon could be for those who didn’t fall under his remit of “fair game to tempt”.

#31 days of ineffables #good omens #Ineffable Husbands #mini fic

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thatawkwardnerdytomboy · 5 years

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“Stop waiting for things in your life to get better and MAKE changes to make your life better.”

This is something I’m getting really tired of hearing from people. Something people don’t realize about life is that sometimes when you actively do things to make your life better, there’s still a lot of waiting for those things to take effect. I’ve been going through a very difficult time all year. I really really hate my job. I deliver food for a fast food restaurant. Sometimes I have to carry 50+ lbs of food on my back, walk for miles (they don’t give us bikes) and carry it up 4-5 flights of stairs, sometimes in the pouring rain, boiling heat and freezing cold. When I’m not making deliveries, I’m in the dining room cleaning, taking out the trash, running and bussing tables, running dishes to the kitchen, helping customers, mopping, sweeping and stocking supplies. Sometimes I even help with food prep. The only thing I don’t do is wash the dishes. Now you’re probably thinking, “oh, well that doesn’t sound that bad.” Well, try doing that while the room is spinning, you feel like you just ran a marathon and the chemicals in your brain are telling you to kill yourself...and this is all before you even start your shift. I have thyroid disease, vertigo and a vitamin D deficiency. All these things make my job unbearable. I’m constantly exhausted, depressed and dizzy. Not to mention, I have a communication disorder so speaking to people is very difficult as well. My immune system is compromised. I got an infection on my hand after only working there for a couple of months because the restaurant is always filthy and it’s my job to clean it. My finger swelled up so much that I couldn’t bend it. Since I didn’t have medical insurance, I had to prick myself with a needle and drain the pus myself.

I have been trying like hell since I started this job to find another job. And of course, I keep getting rejected.

So here are a few things I’ve been trying to do to improve my situation aside from applying for jobs:

• I’m a freelance illustrator and I’ve been trying to put myself out there and try to get commissions to make some extra money. But of course, I can’t just assign myself commissions and give myself money, I have to wait for people to commission me and I’ve actually gotten a few commissions this year. I also tabled at an art show last month and sold a few prints and copies of a novel I wrote.

• I illustrated a children’s book for free as part of a deal so that the author and I can go into business together. However, I’m still waiting for the author to get the book printed. I’d like to emphasize the “waiting” part. This isn’t going to happen overnight. I need to WAIT.

• One of my former teachers got a grant to work on some short films and he wants to create a short series of pilot films/episodes for a film series. I showed up to every meeting for these discussions always prepared with my script, always on time and always willing to take the next step toward making this happen. It’s been a couple of years since we first discussed this and during the past couple of years, we’ve had to WAIT for him to get that grant. Now that he has the grant, I need to WAIT for him to return from traveling so that we can start filming. More waiting. Not much else I can do at this point.

• I reached out to the dean of my college and the program coordinator of the pre-college program that I graduated from in high school to ask for help with finding work. My college’s campus has a career services office which I’ve visited. I asked for help with finding a job at this office and all they could tell me was that I wasn’t going to find a job on Indeed and that I need to reach out to other alumni and network in order to find work--which I’ve already tried. So now I need to WAIT to hear back from the dean and the coordinator to see if they can help me find a job.

Story Time: The school that I attended is a not-for-profit university and while I was attending the university, I had a very difficult time securing enough financial aid to remain in my classes. I came close to dropping out because of this. I got a meeting with the financial aid director of my school and they told me that since I was in that pre-college program and I spent so much time in high school volunteering and I came from a poor socio-economic background that the school had a responsibility to help me finish school. So, they gave me extra financial aid to dorm and they helped me secure a work-study job. Now that I’ve graduated, I still need help from my school to find a decent job. As a matter of fact, I got my first job after I graduated because one of my supervisors from my work-study job found me a job. And then I got laid off less than 6 months later...

• I recently had to retake my learner’s permit exam because my permit expired and I didn’t get to take driver’s ed yet. I haven’t taken driver’s ed yet because I’ve been more focused on trying to find a better job, working on the children’s book I illustrated, dealing with my medical issues and just the day-to-day bullshit. I also haven’t had the money since I recently moved out of my mother’s place and drained my savings and whatever money I had to do so. So yeah, I’ve been pretty broke these past few months. Now that I’ve retaken my permit test and went into more credit card debt paying for that, now I need to WAIT for my new permit to come in the mail so that I can start driver’s ed. My girlfriend and I plan on moving to California someday and that’s going to be very difficult to do if we can’t drive. I know, all the Cali people are going “well, you don’t necessarily need a car.” Well, when I visited Cali, my friend and I had to do an obscene amount of walking through the suburbs to get anywhere after getting off public transportation. And having to take trains and busses between each city also takes a lot of time. Having a car would be so much easier. But we’re going to wait until we actually have the money for all of this which won’t be any time soon. Also, a lot of arts-related jobs require that people know how to drive because if you work for an arts program or gallery, they ask people to transport art pieces. So if I get my license, I’ll have more job opportunities in general. But like I said, this isn’t all going to happen overnight. I have to WAIT. • I used to work as a teacher’s assistant for a non-profit but I quit because they kept running out of money to pay us. But I recently discovered that they increased their pay rate and that they’re hiring. I really hope this means that they’ve solved their funding issues. Anyway, I told them that I want to work there again because, at this point, I rather work anywhere else. I actually liked working as a teacher’s assistant too. It was easy and sometimes fun. So I have a meeting on Monday, that I have to WAIT for to discuss my availability and where they want to place me. So I already technically got the job, we’re just going to discuss my scheduling for the job.

• I am also writing a new novel not only as a possible way to make money in the future but also as a form of therapy (since I can’t afford actual therapy right now because my “health insurance” is a scam). I’ve also came up with an idea for a TV show and my teacher suggested that I apply for a grant to create a pilot for it. I have over 50 pages of an outline of events that take place on this show. I made a documentary in high school so I know a little about filmmaking but I don’t yet have experience making fictional films so I am going to WAIT until I have experience with the film that I’m going to be making with my teacher so that I know what the process is like and so that I can use it as a way to hone my writing/directing skills.

• I’m going to be applying for medicaid today since my health insurance is utter crap but I heard there’s a WAITING period as they figure out if the applicant is qualified so I’m probably not going to get that any time soon. But when I do, I’m going to try to find a therapist and/or psychiatrist.

So in conclusion, I may complain a lot about my situation and I have the right to do so because if I just kept everything bottled up all the time and never complained, I’d probably be having a panic attack every day like I did yesterday at work and like I did last summer at my last job. I get really mixed messages from people about how I’m supposed to go about dealing with my struggles. I get people telling me that if I’m going through something that I need to talk to someone; that I need to talk to them about it. But then when I do, they often tell me to just suck it up and be glad that I have a job and place to live. However, just because I do doesn’t mean that I have a decent quality of life. For example, my apartment has bedbugs and I’ve called the housing office (which has abysmal reviews), 311, the borough president’s office and they haven’t done anything about it so my girlfriend and I had to take care of it and they haven’t completely gone away. My health insurance doesn’t cover any of my medical expenses and I’m paying out of pocket via my paychecks for it. Doctors’ visits are very expensive. I’m currently almost near $3K in debt and that’s just from getting a splint for my wrist and getting testing done at the OB/GYN’s office. I feel like our society has been so conditioned to believe that as long as you’re not homeless and you’re making minimum wage, you should be happy even when your medical insurance company is trying to drown you in debt, you barely scrape by to pay your bills every month, can’t afford to go back to school and you’re living in a bed-bug infested apartment. In other developed countries, people don’t have to struggle the way that we do. Their tax dollars pay for everything including medical care and college. Their public housing is also better too. So you could live a good life going to school, working part-time and living in public housing in places like Germany but here, in great ole’ America, we have such a terrible quality of life that it makes people want to kill themselves.

So to anyone who wants to tell me to shut up, suck it up and do things to make my life better, you can shut up now.

#Millennials #millennial generation #millenial life #life #Suicidal Thoughts #life sucks #i hate my life #i hate my job #the struggle #struggling #struggles #illness #illnesses #thyroid disease #depression

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sozotohakai · 5 years

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15 QUESTIONS, 15 MUTUALS

Tagged by @moon--wake (thank you!)

⭑ are you named after anyone ?

Technically yes, my mom was raised Christian though she grew apart from the religion itself (but not from her belief in God and angels), and when she learned she was getting a daughter (which she had desired but until me didn’t get), she named be Christelle, to be written like this (rather than Kristel for example), and it can be read as Christ+elle (elle being french she). This works perfectly for me too as it shortens to Chris, which is a more gender neutral name, which is rather fun considering mom wouldn’t have known back then I would realize I’m non binary.

Fun fact: my middle name is the same name from an aunt if I recall correctly, one of the few people from my father’s side of the family that mom did like.

⭑ when was the last time you cried ?

This weekend, there was Doctor Who on TV and there was the episode with Doctor Donna so if you know it you know it’s the ending that made me cry. It didn’t help my mind start going “Yooo super angst Wangxian” and I yelled NOPE. Long story short: the episode deals with how the only way to save someone is to erase all memories of the time spend together (including meeting) and how they can’t come into contact with anything that could lowkey remind of said times. Now I’m not okay thinking of how the theme of having forgotten is heavy in DGM ouch.

⭑ do you have kids ?

Nope, unless you count characters I created we always joke that with mom, they’re her grandchildren.

⭑ do you use sarcasm a lot ?

Depends, it can come out of me at random times, its more likely to happen if I’m playing; or if I’m lacking sleep.

⭑ what’s the first thing you notice about people ?

That is a good question... It can vary? But mostly I feel like I take right away into the overall appearance, like... either to recognize them, or store them in my mind so I can hope to recognize them later. I don’t really (or not often) stop at a detail, it’s just, get a reading of the general appearance of someone. After that I pay attention to expressions and how they speak (which is funny to say since I have trouble with eye contact half the time).

⭑ what’s your eye color ?

Brown

⭑ scary movie or happy ending ?

Happy ending, though tbh, I do kind of love scary movie, it’s just that I have troubles actually watching.

⭑ any special talents ?

Uuuuu, I guess, I’ve been told I’m good at emotional empathy? I’ve been able to know when someone felt low just by how they would write. That’s, I believe, the main reason I find my way with words (when I have time to think) because it’s heavily based on my empathy mixed with experience. Like, I feel so much what someone else is feeling, and that’s why I can come with up with words for them and their situation.

⭑ where were you born ?

France

⭑ what are your hobbies ?

Writing, reading, playing games, listening to music, watching videos (Markiplier, React, MMD&Vocaloid stuff, AMV&Anime mix videos, sometimes bloopers and funny stuff).

⭑ do you have any pets ?

I don’t, but my brother and his dad have a cat so he’s like my pet. His name is Grisou (gris = grey so it’s totally a cute naming of his fur colour), he’s playful and seems to view any approach as a signal to play (aka paw at you and try to nip), though he’ll get cuddly at times from what I heard. For my part, we’ve got this ritual that I’ll slowly approach my fingers so he sniffs them (unless I see him about to paw/bite so I dont even try), he lets me pet his head a tiny bit, and then I leave him alone. So he doesn’t try to paw or claw or nip at me because he knows I’ve learned to tell if he’s okay with an approach and when I should stop.

(Fun fact: one time he kind of accidentally hurt my leg, despite my pants he dug fangs and claws too deep and I ended up with a few cuts that bled, I was a bit scared that day and for the next few times I saw him, then I kind of hesitantly start to approach him again, and I think he picked up on it and that’s why he’s a bit more patient with me? I’m the only person he doesn’t straight up claw or paw or nip at, and the few times he does, it’s slow, and/or light).

⭑ what tattoos / piercings / body mods do you have ?

None, sometimes I get the thought of having tattoos, but I’m not sure I’ll ever follow through. But probably if I did, I would got with a small tattoo first just to like, see? I once thought about wolf tattoo, but tbh if I get a tattoo one day, it’ll be a dragon. Oh gosh yeah, a small tattoo of an eastern dragon circling my wrist or maybe higher like close to elbow level, maybe on both side. And after that if I’d have the courage, a western dragon in the back (with feathers wing, I love my dragons with feather wings).

⭑ how tall are you ?

5 ‘7~ I don’t think I’m that tall, but I’m amused because it seems like I’m taller than most of my friends. My brother is even taller than me, he’s 6′/6′1. Or because I’m squinting at the conversion, I’m ~172 cm (and he’s ~185 cm).

⭑ dream job ?

What I’m doing right now, which is work as an independant/freelance writer. Lemme be shameless for a tiny bit and link to my site too, since. Kind of fit with the question.

What’s funny is that, as a child, when it first start to float around, what will you be later, I loved dinosaurs so I thought, I’ll become a paleontologist. I stayed on this path until college, I could feel in me something off, there was nothing else that I could see myself do, so I stick to it, but in college I truly felt how much I just didn’t see myself become a scientist. And it’s totally all thanks to mom and my bro that I realized, hey, writer can be a job too. Then came the hilarious realization that I’ve always been writing or reading, mostly in/for school, but at the end of middle school I discovered fanfics and I never stopped writing&reading those since then (and later rping was added).

⭑ favorite subject at school?

I’ve always enjoyed literature (no surprise here) though to be precise, here in France the subject is called “Français” and is a mix of learning grammar&spelling&punctuation, then all kind of things like analyzing books and poems. It was, in fact, a bit rarer to actually write a story ourself, as it was more about learning the french language and what is expressed in books. But in elementary school I did have a teacher that gave us a homework that was literally just “write a story” and I got an almost perfect mark (in my teacher word: the only reason you didnt was for the grammar&etc mistakes”). While in my mom words, years later, “that was the moment I knew you would become a writer”.

I also adored learning English, I think I do love learning languages in general, but the other languages I tried to learn (Latin for one year, Spanish), the teachers were... not helping. The Latin one was, bless her, good but boring (my mom literally almost fell asleep in a teacher-student meeting, face to face); and my first spanish one had no authority and we barely learned anything, so the next one had to try catching up, but it left me (and those who had come from the same class) with very shaky basics and next to no motivation except just have marks above or equal to average. Compared to those, English was made fun to learn, and then it also got associated with my mind with tons of things (fics, subbed animes, being able to talk with friends).

Tagging: @ask-cross-marian @avellaturortem @shensheng-aoman @xueyaang @crowleiii @illusiive @manadcampbellrpblog @crystallizecrimsonbutterfly if you want to!

#outofhost

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nextcassie · 6 years

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Your Scent 5

Summary: Nothing could have prepared you for the shit storm that was your junior year of college. Discovering you were an omega was only the first discovery in a long line of complicated ones. Thank goodness Min Yoongi was there to help.A story about college and discovering what you like and don’t like in both romantic relationships and friendships.

Abo Au - University AU

Pairing: Main-Min Yoongi/Reader ; OT7/Reader

Chapter words: 5128

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |

Omega Biology

Females Female omegas are known to be incredibly fertile. They are known for being homemakers traditionally, but now are seen in a variety of different roles in society. When it comes to heat their bodies produce a lot of slick. Female Omegas are said to experience the worst waves during their heat, meaning that they tend to experience incredible moments of want and need before becoming incredibly tired.

Males Male omegas are a bit more complicated than female omegas. They were never looked down upon by society and were normally seen as incredibly useful in the work force for being receptive to emotions and male. They hold multiple reproductive organs. They have the ability to produce fertile sperm to impregnate females and they hold reproductive eggs. The eggs are located in a passage way off the rectum. However, male omegas can only get pregnant during heats when this passage way opens up and produces an ample amount of slick. While out of heat male omegas produce slick it is usually not enough to make anal sex completely comfortable and the use of lube is needed.

Warnings: Smut. It's so long because I got carried away with the smut. I guess there's dirty talk too. Be warned, it's kinky up in this story and will probs only get kinkier as we continue.

OO00OO

To say that Jimin was ecstatic about your agreement with Yoongi would be the understatement of the year. The other omega was practically skipping around your apartment in joy, claiming he was cupid. He hadn’t shut up about it all week. He was constantly hovering over you eagerly waiting for Yoongi to message you. It made you wonder if you were Yoongi’s heat partner or if Jimin was.

You were working on your laptop when an email popped up from Yoongi. You clicked on it and tried not to gasp. It was a long list of everything that the two of you could try together. It was slightly shocking at just how long it was and just how much of it you didn’t really understand.

That meant you could either go through the trouble of translating it yourself or ask someone.

You got up from the sofa in the living room and knocked on Jimin’s bedroom door.

Jimin opened the door and when the two of you made eye contact he began to grin. He knew exactly why you had knocked on his door.

“Do come in.”

He opened the door and gestured for you to come inside. He moved to sit on his bed and leaned back against the wall before patting the space next to him with a knowing grin on his face. You moved to sit next to him with your laptop.

“I can’t really understand this.”

You showed him the email from Yoongi and watched as Jimin’s eyebrows raised as he read through the list.

“I would say that this isn’t usually need to know Korean vocabulary,” he replied. “Actually, I’d be slightly concerned if you knew all these words as a non-native speaker. I’d question your reasons to coming to South Korea.”

“Got it… So are you going to explain it to me or not?”

Jimin dramatically cleared his throat.

“He says that he is an experimental dom. If he doesn’t know about something he is willing to try it once before making a decision about if he likes it or not. He wants to keep things mellow for your first heat though. He’ll keep these things in mind if you guys decide you want to continue your relationship. Which you will.”

“Jimin focus.”

“Fine.” Jimin eyes the list again before continuing. “I feel so awkward reading this to you.”

“I know it’s like some Fifty Shades of Grey shit,” you replied.

“Yoongi is a way better dom than Christian Grey.”

“So, you’ve slept with Yoongi?”

“I’ve slept with all of my friends except for you. So yes, but if it makes you feel better he’s never helped through my heats. Actually, it’s not something Yoongi does too often…”

“When was the last time you think he had a heat partner?”

“Two years ago, I think.” Jimin seemed to think it over. “She was a nice girl and I think they may have had a thing that they never made official. He never let her help him through his ruts. Despite the fact that he’s incredibly liberal he still sees sex as an intimate act. He’ll go to Jin and Namjoon’s parties, but he won’t take someone home unless he knows and trusts them. It’s sort of a big deal that he agreed to this arrangement. I’m not surprised, but it’s not something that happens often. Don’t sell yourself short.”

“Thanks for the confidence boost. It’s just sort of weird… I mean I’ve never been so attracted to another individual before.”

“Physically or emotionally?”

“Physically for sure, but I don’t know about emotionally. I haven’t really talked to him a lot. It’s just whenever I’m near him I just feel this sense of comfort wash over me. I just feel safe. I think it’s because he saved me at that party. I don’t want to rush and say I have feelings for him because there is a possibility that maybe that’s the only reason I’m attracted to him. I don’t want to be attracted to someone by who I think they are, but I want to be attracted to someone for who they really are. If that makes sense? I might have worded that weirdly.”

“No, it makes sense.” Jimin smiled to himself a bit. “I think that once you get to know him, you’re going to realize how perfect you are for each other. Those words actually sounded like something Yoongi would say.”

You thought about it and it did seem that the two of you had quite a bit in common when it came to attitudes. Neither of you were exactly high energy nor were the two of you overly affectionate. Yet you had a feeling that both of your friend groups would describe the two of you as caring people.

“Okay, Park Jimin,” you stated with a smile. “In your expert opinion as Min Yoongi’s good friend what can I do to make him happy?”

Jimin hummed as he rubbed his chin in thought. You had posed the question half joking, but you were curious to find out the answer he would give.

“I guess the number one thing you can do is not to wake him up when he is sleeping. Hyung tends to keep weird hours because he writes at all hours of the day. Sometimes he forgets to eat and sleep when he gets really into writing. We all sort of take turns checking in on him. We’ll add you to the rotation now that you’re his heat partner now.”

“That’s right… He’s a pretty successful composer. I forget about that sometimes because he just seems so down to earth about it. He just started working for some entertainment company, right?”

“Yeah, he was doing mostly freelance because no one would meet his conditions for hiring him until now. Which leads me to number two, respect his music. It’s truly everything to him. If he asks you about something give your honest opinion. Hyung hates people who lie to him.”

“That’s another thing the two of us have in common then,” you stated.

“Number three, he’ll never admit it, but above all hyung is an alpha. I mean obviously, but he is high on the dominance spectrum and I think he feels like it’s something he should be ashamed of because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He’ll never ask you to, but sometimes just indulge his inner alpha.”

“Okay, but what does indulging an alpha entail?”

“In my experience, a lot of scent marking and letting them give you back hugs. It’s a bit different for every alpha though.”

“I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks Jimin.”

“Any time (y/n).”

OO00OO

Yoongi felt a bit awkward about all of this. It was time for his weekly review with his company. Normally, it entailed him getting feedback on the songs he was writing as well as talking about demos with the different trainees that he wanted to produce. He only worked with three of them because he worked mostly on hip hop tracks and there were only three of them that could rap to a tolerable level. Two of them were still a work in progress though.

This time though, the conversation was going to have to be a bit different. He was going to have to turn in a heat partner form with your name and expected date of heat as well as the date of his next rut. Although it was now illegal to dismiss employees for things related to heats and ruts, it was still often looked down upon if someone took too much time off for them.

Yoongi happened to feel comfortable at this job. He got his own small studio and found all the employees tolerable. He didn’t want to jeopardize any of that. In all honesty though, he thought you might be worth it.

Yoongi’s father had always talked about how he knew from the second he met Yoongi’s mother it was her that he was going to mate with. While Yoongi wasn’t sure yet if he felt that strongly about you, but this was the closest he could remember to ever feeling this way.

He knocked on the door and was told to come in. He opened the door to see his boss, Bang Shihyuk sitting at his desk. He preferred to be called Bang PD-nim instead of the CEO, but he almost completely ran the entire company.

“Yoongi, it’s good to see you. How have the songs been coming along?” he asked, as Yoongi moved to take the seat in front of his desk.

“They’re slowly coming along. I think I should have something for the trainees to record in about two weeks…”

“I thought you would have something done by next week?” the main said with a furrowed brow.

“About that, I’m going to need to take some time off,” Yoongi said. He slid the document he had filled out with the proper information over to the man.

The man took it and his eyes scanned over it. Yoongi watched as a smile started tugging over his lips.

“I thought you were single?” Bang asked.

“I was. I just recently met her. We’re not dating yet.”

“You said yet.” Yoongi kept a straight face as the other man smirked before looking over the sheet. “I am looking forward to hearing your music after you begin your relationship. The sound will probably change.”

“Hmm… I don’t know about that, but I would call her interesting to say the least.”

“By the name I’m guessing she’s foreign. Does she speak Korean?”

“Almost fluently. Sometimes she gets a few words mixed up, but her Korean is really good. More standard than mine if you want to get technical.”

“I like your Daegu accent though. It was one of the reasons you stood out to me as an applicant when you were applying. Bring her by for a tour one day. I’d love to meet the woman that’s melted your heart.”

“No one said she’s done that.”

“You’re a very sincere person. If the two of you are just heat partners it won’t stay that way. You’d never make a move on the girl if you weren’t going to follow it up with something serious.”

“She’s a difficult one to read.”

“So are you. The two of you are perfect for each other.”

“You haven’t even met her.”

“I’m your boss, so I’m always right.” Yoongi held himself back from scoffing at the statement. The other man was always like this when it came to certain things. “Now let’s talk about your songs.”

OO00OO

You felt anxious sitting in class waiting for the lecture to be over. Yoongi was sitting in the front of the room like he always did. He seemed to be grading some assignments for the professor like usual. Taehyung was doodling on his notebook and you were trying to listen, but it was sort of hard.

You had a printed-out version of the email Yoongi had sent you and for some reason you felt incredibly nervous about having to return it to him. You were also sure you had only understood about seventy percent of the Korean on it, even with Jimin’s help. In the same folder was the paperwork that Yoongi needed to fill out to grant him temporary access to your dorm building and apartment for your heat. The two of you had agreed to get coffee after your class before heading over to your dorm together to turn in the paperwork.

You had been so lost in your own thought that you had barely registered that class was already over. Taehyung was grinning at you. He had probably been getting the play by play of what was happening from Jimin.

Everyone started packing up their things.

“Bye (y/n) have fun with hyung,” Taehyung said before leaving.

You packed up your things, but weren’t in a hurry. Normally, Yoongi stayed to chat with the professor a bit before he left. You moved to wait outside for him. About five minutes later, Yoongi came out of the room and offered you a small smile.

“Ready to go?” he asked.

“Yeah, are we going to the same place we met up last time?” you asked, walking over to him. He nodded to you and the two of you began walking together.

It felt weird. Not a bad weird, but weird. You didn’t really know how you should act around him yet. You didn’t actually know Yoongi all that well. You only really knew about his preferences in bed, which was something, but not exactly what you start a conversation with.

“How was your day?” he asked.

“It was pretty uneventful. I just went to class. What about you?”

“I had a graduate course in the morning and then had to student teach. Overall, it was pretty boring.”

“Ah I see…” You paused for a minute. “You write songs for an entertainment company, right? How is that going?”

If you weren’t mistaken you watched as he seemed to perk up with something like pride at the mention of it. He seemed more relaxed than before as well.

“I’ve got a good start on some new demos. I work for a smaller agency that’s getting ready to debut a new idol boy group in probably the next six months. They’re all pretty young, but they’re good kids.”

“Do you like it? I mean I’ve heard a lot of good and bad things about the Korean entertainment industry.”

“I like it, but I’m also at a smaller company. From what I hear some of the bigger ones are pretty problematic. I know for a fact that this company is taking good care of them. If I didn’t I would have never signed with them.”

The two of you continue in conversation about his job. You had never realized how much work truly went into producing music. So far in class you had only covered the basics of music theory and just started writing scores. The things that Yoongi did though went beyond what you thought you could ever be capable of.

Yoongi ordered the two of your drinks and filled out the rest of the paperwork while the two of you waited. When you got your drinks you both decided to drink them while walking back to the dorm. It was a pretty nice day outside. Fall was truly just beginning and there wouldn’t be too many nice days left before the weather started to cool down.

The two of you finished your drinks by the time you arrived at the dorms. You went to the small office where the building manager was during the day. When you arrived, she was looking down at her phone screen with a look of displeasure across her face. You had only talked to her once when you had moved in on such short notice, but she was a nice omega woman in her early thirties. She had been helpful and caring, but a little stressed out at the time.

“Umm… I want to turn in a heat partners form,” you said, drawing her attention away from her phone.

She looked up and smiled at you before taking the form and glancing it over.

“Is that your alpha?” she asked.

“Yes?” you said hesitantly. You weren’t really sure if Yoongi was your alpha or not, but on paper he was for the time being. The building manager just chuckled.

“This is only for one time correct?” she asked.

“For now,” Yoongi answered from behind you.

“All right, I just want to make the two of you aware that we’ll keep this form on record for the next three months. If you want we can give him extended access to the dorms if you choose to after your heat this month. That decision is completely up to the two of you though. Min Yoongi, your ID card should be updated over night with the new security information.”

“All right thank you,” he said.

“Thank you,” you added.

The two of you left the office and you realized that this is where the two of you might part. Until you got an idea.

“I know you’ve seen the dorm before, but do you maybe want to go over some stuff before you leave.”

Yoongi gave you a small smile and nodded his head before following you up to your dorm.

When the two of you got there Jimin was lounging on the sofa, watching something on his laptop. He glanced up and saw the two of you together before grinning.

“Well what do we have here?” Jimin teased.

“Some embarrassing excuse for a college student watching… is that Korea’s Next Top Model?” Yoongi asked.

“The fact that you recognize it says something about you too hyung.”

“I’m just going to show Yoongi some of the stuff I have prepared for my heat. Don’t mind us.”

“Oh I don’t.”

You rolled your eyes and led Yoongi to your room. You were thankful that you had been trying to keep it clean because you knew he would inevitably see it at some point.

“Okay, so I know we did the whole… to do list thing.”

Yoongi let out a bark of laughter at that. He couldn’t help, but smile at the embarrassed yet confused look on your face.

“I’m sorry, but calling it a ‘to do list’ was an unexpected pun coming from you.”

“Well sorry…”

You seemed to be pouting in a way that Yoongi found endearing. You weren’t trying to be cute, but you just ended up being that way.

“I’m sorry please continue.”

“Okay, well before I was so rudely interrupted.” You gave him a look and Yoongi fought back a grin at how you seemed to be seriously reprimanding him. “I bought a few things for my last heat that I found helpful. I have a fridge that I’ll have stocked at the time with some food and cookies.”

“Cookies?”

“I was craving them my last two heats for some reason, so I bake them and put them in the fridge to eat. It will also have drinking water. Last time it was to abrupt, so I didn’t get a chance to use them, but I bought a small water basin and some wash cloths in case I get sweaty. I also have extra sheets blankets and bed linings at the bottom of my closet.”

“(y/n),” Yoongi said, stopping you from your rant. You turned to find him suddenly closer than you remembered him being. “I know you’re nervous. Honestly, I am a bit too. I don’t want you to be worried. I’m going to take care of you through this heat. I’m going to make sure you have everything you need and that you’re as comfortable as possible, okay?”

“Okay…” you mumbled.

Yoongi moved slightly closer, bringing his hands to naturally rub soothing circles into your shoulders.

“I mean it. I don’t make commitments I don’t intend on keeping.”

You were a commitment? He was committing to you. For some reason the thought had your stomach in somewhat pleasurable knots at his words.

“I believe you,” you said, this time more firmly.

“Can I kiss you right now?” he asked. You blinked in confusion shocked upon his request. You hadn’t seen it coming. “Sorry I just…”

“No it’s okay. I mean yes, yes you can kiss me. You just sort of caught me by surpri—”

Yoongi cut of your awkward rambling with a gentle kiss that he pressed to your lips. You had just barely closed your eyes to savor it before he was pulling away.

“I have to get to work, but I’ll message you soon. Don’t hesitate to message me if you need anything.”

“I won’t.”

You should have walked Yoongi out as he said goodbye, but you had become rooted to the spot in awkward giddiness. Your stomach was flipping with warm excitement. You just barely caught Jimin yelling out at Yoongi.

“Hyung, I know exactly what you did in there!”

“Shut up.”

OO00OO

You had baked cookies yesterday and were getting ready to go to one of your classes when it happened. The clenching of your gut followed by a burning sensation engulfing your whole body. Your heat had come only about twelve hours before it was due to show up.

You messaged Yoongi right away before crawling into your bed. You had to do something, you had to make it more comfortable for the two of you. You began to adjust the comforters and searched for more pillows to make sure the two of you could get lost in the cushiness of the bed. It wasn’t the largest bed and you somehow felt stressed at the thought of it not being big enough.

You didn’t stress very long though. You found yourself getting wet with slick and overcome with heat. You could hardly wait for Yoongi to get here. You wanted him here so badly. You knew he could help, knew he would help.

You tried your best, you really did, but you couldn’t take it anymore. The clenching in your core was too much to ignore. You peeled of your pants and underwear, making sure to toss them off the bed. You had just begun to massage your clit when you were hit with smell of fresh pine. With a whine you looked at your doorway to see Yoongi entering your room.

Yoongi was dressed in tight jeans and a leather jackets. He was wearing a beanie probably to try and make his messy dark hair seem neater. You let out whine that had him instantly coming to your side.

“It’s okay, I’m right here,” he said. “Do you still want me here?”

“Yes,” you said. You tried to keep your voice from sounding as desperate as you felt. You couldn’t tell if you were successful.

“Okay I need you to watch me for a bit. Look at me, okay?” You nodded your head at him. “Use your words.”

“Okay,” you said.

You kept your eyes on him as he revealed himself to you. First, he took off his beanie, revealing that you had been right. His hair was an utter mess. Then he removed his jacket, dropping it to the floor before lifting his t-shirt over his head. It revealed his milky torso, but you barely had anytime to dwell on it because he went straight to removing his jeans wasting no time in pulling them off equally milky legs. You thought he would stop there, but he kept going. He took off his plaid boxers to reveal his already half hard cock.

You let out a desperate whine at the sight, suddenly remembering that you were very much in heat. You heard Yoongi mutter something in Korean before dropping to the ground and digging something out of the pocket of his leather jacket.

“Can I come on the bed?” he asked.

“Please do,” you said, with a huff of laughter.

Yoongi climbed onto the bed, placing whatever was in his hands further up on the bed. He was being very formal. You heard him inhale thought he might have growled just a little bit.

“Can you sit up? I’m going to help you out of the rest of your clothes.”

You gave him a small yes and sat up and let him help you out of your sweater and bra. He gently helped you lay back on the bed and you realized your body was going crazy. His scent was amplified to your senses and all you wanted to do was surround yourself with it.

“Are your sure this is what you want?”

“Yes,” you found yourself snapping impatiently. He just gave a deep chuckle at that.

“Okay. If you want to stop at any point in time just tell me and I will. Don’t feel like we have to keep doing something because it seems like I’m enjoying it. You need to let me know is something hurts or makes you uncomfortable, all right?”

“All right. I mean this in the nicest way, but can you hurry up.”

This time Yoongi let out and actual laugh his lips upturning into a brief gummy smile before leaning down to capture your lips. This kiss, much like the first one you shared, was feather light and sweet. However, the second you began to kiss him back it changed. It became much more heated. He bit your lower lip and you gasped as his tongue took the opportunity to invade your mouth in the most delightful way. He was very much in control of the kiss, but somehow it wasn’t rough. You found yourself succumbing to the way it felt, arms moving to tug his body closer to you.

Yoongi growled and broke away to place soft kisses on your cheek trailing them to underneath your jaw and sucking lightly at the skin.

“Can I scent mark you?”

“Please do,” you replied.

The moment you felt Yoongi rub his scent gland against yours an overwhelming sense of calm washed over you. The scent of pine seemed to comfort you as much as the scent of peppermint was making him feel refreshed.

Yoongi was trying so hard not to rush. He didn’t want to rush your first time for you even if it was your heat. You were making it so hard for him when all he wanted to do was completely wreck you. The need to claim had never been his strongest alpha instinct, but suddenly it felt like it was the only one he could remember.

“Yoongi…”

Your voice stirred him from his thoughts and he looked down at you to see you rubbing your thighs together. Your dilated eyes connected with his and he smelt a fresh wave of peppermint go through the room. You were probably more than ready for him, but he wanted to take it slow.

He went back to work trailing kisses over your scent gland, but not marking you. That would come later. The kisses moved to your chest and when one of his hands came to cup a breast you rewarded him with a breathy sigh. He caught your eyes as he moved his mouth over to suck your nipple into his mouth and you let out the sweetest moan for him. He moved to the other and was given the same reward. He loved you like this.

Yoongi moved to put kisses between your breasts before once again moving up to capture your lips in a sweet kiss. He then repositioned himself, finally parting your legs, so that he could move his body in between them. His hand teasingly trailed up your thigh feeling the wetness that had managed to seep out and you were absolutely soaking for him.

“Tell me, what’s been down here baby?” he asked. His dark eyes searching yours for discomfort at his words. He saw confusion before he saw a spark of excitement run through them.

“Just fingers,” you replied. Yoongi trailed his hand over to your core just teasingly coming into contact with it.

“Who’s fingers baby?” Yoongi finally pressed his fingers to your clit, giving you some sort of relief.

“Mine,” you answered. You let out a moan of protest when he stopped. He was giving you a stern look. “And Jimin’s…”

Yoongi’s fingers pressed to your clit once again, but this time rubbing tiny circles that had you whimpering for more. The way his finger felt cold on your hot skin was so good. You didn’t want him to stop.

“Do you want something better than Jimin’s fingers?”

“Yes,” you replied. You let out a whine of protest when Yoongi removed his fingers from your clit. “What?”

“I’m going to give you something better baby. I’m going to give you my tongue.”

You felt your cheeks flush at the bold statement, but Yoongi didn’t give you much time to be embarrassed before pressing a soft kiss to your clit. He started slow and the sensation felt odd. It was weird when he licked a stripe up your slit before flicking at your clit with his tongue. You weren’t really sure what to think, but before you knew it the sensations were overwhelming.

He pulled your clit into his mouth, flicking at it quickly with his tongue making your body jolt in surprise at the sensation. The tightness in your core quickly building as he passionately devoured your core. Your hands gripped onto the blankets surrounding you as your hips involuntarily bucked up at a particularly strong suck.

“You can grab onto me.”

No sooner than when he said the words you found your hands raking through his dark locks, not sure whether to push him away from the overwhelming sensation or to pull him closer.

You were completely blindsided by your sudden orgasm. You let out a loud moan as you came, hands tugging on Yoongi’s hair as he continued to lap up the new slick dripping out of your core.

You felt the heat still thrumming through your body as Yoongi sat up. You watched as he wiped the excess slick from his chin biting back a groan as he looked you over. He leaned down to place a gentle kiss on your neck.

You wanted him so badly. Your core was greedily clenching around air as the aftershocks of your orgasm left you. You wanted nothing more than to get Yoongi inside, wanting to feel the way he’d fill you up. The way he’d drill into you and make you cum.

“That was so good baby.” He brushed a hand comfortingly through your hair before placing more kisses by your jaw.

“Yoongi… Inside,” you whined. “Please I can’t take it.”

“Baby…” he said, moving back so he could look at you. “I’m not going to rush. We’re going to go nice and slow. I’m going to open you up really good okay?”

“Yoongi please!”

He shushed you. Yoongi trailed a hand back to your core and slowly inserted a finger into you. It went in no problem. It didn’t surprise him with how wet you were. He wanted to make sure though that you came enough to get out of this wave of your heat though. He added another finger beginning to stretch you open, even with your heat you were tight.

“How’s that feel?”

“Good. It feels good…”

Yoongi groaned at you. You were an absolute vision right now. You took his finger so well and your eyes looked at him just pleading for him to make you cum. He didn’t want to disappoint you either.

“Can you cum on my fingers and I’ll give you my cock? Can you do that for me baby girl? Does it sound good?”

“I can do it,” you replied.

Yoongi felt you clench and unclench around him trying to get more stimulation. With a chuckle he added a third finger before beginning to move them in and out of you. When you gave a particularly loud moan he began to target that spot over and over again. Until you shut your eyes and threw back your head, letting out a whine. He felt the way your body tried to suck his fingers in as it released fresh slick.

“That’s my good girl.” Yoongi felt your body shiver at that. He would keep that in mind for later. “You ready for me baby?”

You nodded your head at him. Desperate eyes pleading with him and he frowned.

“I need your words baby. I need to hear you want me.”

“I want you Yoongi, alpha please.”

That word sparked something primal in him that he had been trying to hold back. His hands moved to grab a condom on the bed ripping it open and quickly rolling it onto his painfully pulsing cock.

He kissed you again. It was much rougher and more urgent than before and you instantly responded, hands coming up to tangle in his hair as you opened your mouth for him. He groaned in satisfaction before he lined himself up with your core.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

Yoongi firmly buried himself in you, making sure to not go to fast. He let out a groan in surprise as he noticed you with your head thrown back eyes closed and blissfully moaning out. Your core trying to suck him in.

“Did you just cum baby?”

Yoongi watched as a flush covered your cheeks in embarrassment, giving him your answer. The shy girl he was used to seeing reappearing beneath him and further igniting his want.

“I couldn’t help it…” He moved to give you a soft kiss.

“It’s okay cum as many times as you want.”

You nodded your head at him and prepared yourself for him to start moving. Yoongi started gently at first. He just grinded the two of your bodies together, getting you used to him being inside you. However, you let out a pleased moan when he finally pulled back before thrusting in. Yoongi set a steady pace. His hands pressing themselves on either side of your head caging you in and surrounding you with his warmth and scent. It felt good.

“More…”

“More what, baby?”

You opened your eyes to see a teasing look on his face as he watched you.

“I don’t know just whatever you’re doing.”

He hummed before his hips snapped with more force than before into you, causing you to let out a whine of approval as he continued his new pace. Each thrust seeming to make that knot in your stomach tighter and tighter. You knew you were going to cum again. You tried to tell him, but found that this time your Korean failed you. Your words coming out in a jumbled mess that seemed to please him. Your head tipped back as you went over the edge, bearing your neck to him.

“Can I still mark you?”

“Yes.”

You brought your hands up to guide Yoongi to your neck as began to suck at the gland on your neck sending a new wave of pleasure through your body as he left the mark on your skin. You could feel the knot in your stomach winding tighter again quickly as he kept thrusting into you.

“Alpha, I’m going to… <em>again!</em>”

“It’s okay omega.” The name sent a tremor through your body and you felt yourself building up too quickly again. ��I’m going to cum too. Do you still want my knot?”

“I want my alpha’s knot!”

Yoongi’s hips suddenly picked up speed to slam into you with force you hadn’t known he had and you felt yourself building up again. You were just on the edge of your release when you felt the sensation of Yoongi growing in you. You didn’t dwell on it as you felt yourself cum once again, your core trying to suck Yoongi in.

You fought to keep your eyes open as you felt Yoongi’s pace turn into grinding as his knot grew too large to pull out of you. He buried his face into your neck as he let out a loud groan as he came his body covering yours protectively as he shook from his orgasm.

The two of you held onto each other as your bodies began to calm. The heat no longer incessantly eating away at your body as the wave died down. The only sound in the room was the two of you panting.

“Do you want to mark me?” Yoongi asked.

He pulled his face away just enough to look into your eyes, hand coming naturally to stroke at your cheek. You were surprised. Most alphas didn’t like to be marked by their partners, it showed some sort of submission. The thought of marking up his milky skin was very tempting though.

“Can I?”

“Of course you can (y/n),” he responded.

Yoongi bared the right side of his neck to you and you carefully moved to it. You placed kisses along it until you came to his scent gland where you sucked delicately at the soft skin, making Yoongi produce a sound that sounded almost like a purr of satisfaction. You pulled away to see him smiling softly at you.

“You look tired,” he stated. “You should get some rest before your next wave.”

He carefully pulled you up, trying to make sure that his knot didn’t make it too uncomfortable for you to move. He positioned the two of you in a more comfortable position to lay down in.

“But your knot?” you asked. “Are you comfortable?”

“I’m fine, it will go down in about ten or fifteen minutes. You need to get some rest before then okay.”

“Okay.”

Yoongi placed a gentle kiss on your lips as he pulled you closer to him. In no time you were able to fall asleep to the relaxing scent of pine surrounding you. Yoongi found himself drifting off shortly after as he listened to the rhythmic beat of your heart.

#bts #bts suga #bts min yoongi #yoongi x reader #university au #au abo #abo #x reader #reader #alpha/omega #fluff #smut

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blightfics · 6 years

Text

THE THIRD WHEEL CHAPTER 1: Color

Next Chapter: Her Voice

Disclaimer: This story is based from a lot of animes, such as Your Lie in April and Waiting in the Summer. Also, Pixelberry’s Endless Summer and Naoishi Arakawa’s Your Lie in April will be referenced here, so all rights belong to them.

Author’s Note: If the “Keep reading” doesn’t work, go here for the full post. Since my brother’s drawing monitor is being borrowed by his friend, there won’t be any chapter artworks until some time around March. Italicized narration is told by one of the protagonists, Kyle Collins. And lastly, to pay respects to non-Americans sports fans, I’m going to call it “football”, not “soccer”.

Tags: @princessstellaris, @mechaspirit, @xo-endlessmayhem-xo, @i-miss-trr, @aquamarvel, @mysteli, @choicesyouplayandmore, @skyila, @abhirio, @brightpinkpeppercorn, @sceptilemasterr, @scgdoeswhat, @endlessly-searching-for-you

Recommended Music: I Wonder what He said about Such Feelings (YLiA)

Cold. Even though winter is almost gone, everything still felt cold. Even before winter came, it still felt cold when this cruel world decided to take something that gave me happiness. What am I to do now? Why am I still here? How shall I end my suffering, without taking my own life?

Voice: Kyle...? KYLE!!

Chestnut eyes open to the sound of a girl’s concerning voice. All they could see is the orange tint of the sky during a sunset. A brunet boy sits up after waking from his snap while rubbing his eyes. A brunette girl is sitting next to him, with an annoyed look, while a blond boy is sitting beside her, with his arm around her shoulder and while sharing the same expression as her.

Girl: Finally!

Kyle: Ugh... what? What do you want, Karen?

Karen: You slept past an important conversation again.

Kyle: What’s so important about my future...?

The girl rolls her eyes and turns to her boyfriend.

Karen: Sam, help me out here...

The blond boy grins and his ocean-blue eyes light up. He reaches to nudge his friend’s arm.

Sam: Come on, Kyle! Tomorrow’s our last quarter in our last year in high school. Aren’t you supposed to be happy?

Kyle stands from the inclined grass plain and walks to the nearby river. He picks up a few rocks and skips them across the river.

Kyle: Why should I be happy? Nothing can every make me happy after.... six months ago...

Sam’s grin quickly falters as he shares the same depressed look as Karen while she clutches her chest.

Yeah, it’s true. Nothing’s been the same for six months. It’s all been black and white to me. My parents passed away during an accident. Accidents; worthless excuses for the world to take something from you so heartlessly.

Kyle decided to stop and come back to sit with his sister and his friend.

Kyle: ....But you know? To be honest, I am feeling kind of excited for tomorrow.... Kind of...

Smiles return to Karen and Sam. The blond boy lightly punches Kyle on the arm.

Sam: That’s our boy!

Karen: It’s not a lot but it’s good enough. We’re here for you if you need any help.

Kyle smiles and nods.

Kyle: Thanks, guys.

I lied. I just didn’t want them to bring the subject back to my mind. Whatever satisfies them just to make them change the subject into something else other than... that, I’ll do it.

The three best friends stayed by the riverside longer as they watch the sun set between the mountains. Once nighttime arrives, they got up from the grass plain and go to their bikes. They mount their bikes and cycle back to their respective homes, but not before Karen and Sam shared a sweet kiss. Away from their vision, Kyle manages to smile... slightly.

Even though Mom and Dad are gone, I just can’t help but be happy for my sister. She’s found someone who filled in the gap in her life. She’s been more enthusiastic with her stories and films than me with my artworks.

Kyle proceeds to look up and stare at the moon and stars.

When will I find that ‘someone’?

Karen taps his her brother’s shoulder and Kyle looks behind her to see Sam waving at him while cycling away. The brunette cycles past the her brother.

Recommended Music: Can you Forget? (YLiA)

Karen: Last one home gets to wash the dishes!

Kyle: Hey!

Kyle tries to catch up to Karen but was easily defeated when they reached home. Karen celebrates and laughs.

Karen: Haha! I win!

Kyle: No fair! You had a headstart!

Karen proceeds to laugh again as she and Kyle enter the house. They are greeted by a tall brunet, wearing an apron and his hair tied into a ponytail.

Kyle: Hey, Lucas.

Karen: Hi, Big Bro!

Lucas: Ah, good. You’re here just in time. Dinner’s ready.

Lucas. He’s been here ever since he graduated from college last year and heard the news about Mom and Dad. He’s been taking care of me and Karen while serving his job as a freelance IT, providing technological help to any business in need. He’s very good at his job. In fact, my family consists of very talented people. It’s why we get around life so easily when it comes to finance.

Karen skips to the dining room while Kyle walks behind her. The three siblings gather around the table and start having their dinner. Lots of laughs and stories were shared until they finish. Kyle, honoring his part of the deal, washes the dishes but with Lucas’s help. Karen heads upstairs to her bedroom and starts writing another one of her great stories. While washing the dishes, the brothers have a heart-to-heart conversation.

Lucas: So...

Kyle: So... what?

Lucas: Have you found your ‘Sam’ yet?

Kyle: WHAT?!

I know Lucas didn’t mean Sam that way but someone similar to him, someone who can bring me happiness the same way he did to Karen. But still, does my big brother have to bring it up that way?! I looked at him, annoyed while he chuckled.

Lucas: I’m just kidding. I meant have you found your ‘special someone’ yet?

Kyle shakes his head.

Kyle: No...

Lucas kept a smile on his face.

Lucas: I’m pretty sure you’ll find that person soon. After all, spring is coming and most happy beginnings start in spring.

Kyle: Yeah? Happy beginnings? What about endings? Have you seen Your Lie in April?

Lucas: Uhh... well...

Lucas shakes his head and squints his eyes towards his little brother.

Lucas: You know what I mean!

Kyle chuckles and finishes his half of the dishes.

Kyle: I get what you mean. It’s just... isn’t that a bit cliché?

Lucas: It’s better than having nothing at all.

I don’t know why, but Lucas always has more impact towards me with his words than Karen. I feel guilty for lying to her earlier about my fake happiness. She does have an impact on me but...

After the dishes, Lucas pats Kyle on the back before the little brother runs upstairs and knocks on Karen’s door. She opens it up and peeks out.

Karen: Yes?

Kyle: I’m sorry.

Karen: For what?

Kyle: For faking my smile earlier.

Karen: I knew...

Kyle: You did?

Of course, she did. She’s my twin sister. Even though we’re not psychics, she can still tell if I’m lying or not.

Karen: Don’t pretend like you don’t know that I did.

Kyle looks down.

Kyle: I’m really sorry.

Karen fully opens the door and reaches to hug her brother.

Karen: It’s okay. I just don’t want you to end up becoming a talented, yet monotone artist. There’s more to you than that.

Kyle remains silent as he just nods.

Maybe the reason Lucas has more impact on me is because he’s more sympathetic with his approach. Karen always make me smile through hilarious antics yet she can never do it when she shows concern. This has been the first time that she did have an impact on me, and it’s not the last.

Kyle and Karen pull away from their embrace and smiled.

Karen: There we go! An actual smile!

Kyle grins and chuckles.

Kyle: Alright, alright. You win.

Karen ruffles her brother’s hair before going back to her room, laughing.

Karen: Good night, Kyle.

Kyle: Night, Sis.

Karen closes her door and Kyle goes to his room. Meanwhile below the stairs, Lucas is hiding and eavesdropping on their conversation. He smiles before going to his room.

Recommended Music: Tenma & Friends (IEGO)

Morning rises and spring quarter has begun. Kyle, Karen and Lucas get out of their house, all set and ready for school and work, respectively. Lucas gets in his car and drives off, but not before greeting his siblings goodbye.

Lucas: The usual 6 pm! Bye!

Kyle and Karen wave to their big brother before mounting their bikes and making their way to school. They are joined by Sam and soon, the three reach Skylia High School.

Sam: HELLOOOO, SPRING QUARTER!!!

Karen giggles at Sam’s excitement while Kyle just rolls his eyes as they lock their bikes at the bike rack. They eventually split and and go to their respective club rooms; Kyle to the Art Club, Karen to the Stories & Film Club, and Sam to the Gymnasium. The three wave at each other while walking to their respective destinations.

Kyle: I’ll see you back by the end of school!

Karen: Talk soon!

Sam: YEET!

Sam enters the boy’s locker room, changes into his football uniform and puts on his captain’s band. He then enters the gymnasium and gathers his teammates.

Sam: Alright, boys, get in line.

The sophomores, juniors and seniors follow Sam’s orders with no problem, while the freshmen does it so nervously. One particular freshman catches Sam’s attention.

Sam: Hey, you.

The new player stands up straight and trembles.

New Player: Yes?!

Sam chuckles and puts his hand on the new player’s shoulder.

Sam: Hehe. Hey, don’t worry. I’m not the strict type. As captain, I usually attempt to be close to the team’s goalkeepers to have like a second-in-command, since they handle leading the defense line.

New Player: Well... I don’t think I can handle a leadership role yet...

Another goalkeeper, Mark Evans, stands beside Sam and encourages the new player.

Evan: Don’t worry. It takes time but once you have a practical example, you’ll know what to do, especially when the team needs you to be the best you can be.

Sam: Mark is right, you know.

The new goalkeeper looks at his superiors with a smile.

New Player: Thanks, sirs.

Sam: No prob. Say, what’s your name?

New Player: Dannielle Wallace. But you can call me, “Danny”.

Mark offers his hand.

Mark: Welcome to the team, Danny.

The two keepers shake their hands and soon, Sam gets to know the rest of his new teammates. After introductions, they start the freshmen tryouts and when it is Danny’s turn, Sam becomes the forward to test him.

Sam: Ready, Danny?

Danny: Yes, sir!

Sam dashes towards his junior and kicks the ball to the Danny’s right side. The new goalkeeper reacts and leaps to his right, but suddenly, the ball curves to his left; a feint done by Sam. Although Danny ends up surprised, his reflexes composed him. He quickly twists his body to face upwards and kicks the ball to the air. He lands on the ground but quickly stands up and jumps to catch the falling ball. Finally, he turns to Sam with a confident smirk. The captain and Mark walk up to Danny while slowly clapping.

Mark: Oooh, boy. That has got to be the best tryout I have ever seen!

Sam: Exactly! Danny, congratulations. You’re on the team.

Danny smiles and jumps for joy before shaking the hands of his seniors and thanking them. Sam turns to the rest of the team.

Sam: Alright, tryouts are over. Let’s practice!

Team: YEAH!!

The Skylia Dragons start their practice for the upcoming Spring Football Tournaments.

Meanwhile in the Story & Film club, Karen is continuing her new story that she was working on the previous night when suddenly, the club door bursts open. Karen is startled and glares at her fellow club member, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: Good news!

Karen: What, Eli?! What’s so good news that you have to scare me half to death?!

Elizabeth quickly bows repeatedly while apologizing. She then stands up straight and shows Karen a poster. It says, “Aryndelle City Spring Film Festival”, and Karen jumps for joy.

Karen: Yes! Eli, you wonderful girl!

Karen pulls Elizabeth into a tight hug while their literature teacher, Mister Alexander Cameron, peeks out from behind the book shelves.

Mr. Cameron: What is it, girls?

Elizabeth turns to her teacher and shows the poster while Karen looks at him with bright eyes and a grin.

Mr. Cameron: Ah, of course! We are definitely taking part in that.

Karen: Yes!

Mr. Cameron: We just need actors and crew. Maybe you can ask Kyle and Sam to join us, Karen.

Karen: Oh, absolutely!

At the mention of Kyle’s name, Elizabeth quickly blushes and hides her face with the poster. Karen doesn’t notice this and quickly goes over to a shelf of books.

Karen: Let’s see, which stories are we going to recreate as a film?

Mr. Cameron: What about your best work so far?

Elizabeth’s blush quickly fades and she reveals herself under the poster with a smile.

Elizabeth: Yes! We should definitely film Endless Summer!

Karen grins and pulls out a large green book. She then sits by a nearby table and starts writing a screenplay of said book. Elizabeth and Mr. Cameron join her.

Recommended Music: The City I Live in Started to Take Color (YLiA)

Meanwhile at the school’s gates, a redhead girl enters. She is reluctant and anxious yet she still keeps moving. As she walks in the hallways, she spots the school’s trophy booth. In it, she sees a picture of Kyle and Karen holding their respective artwork and book about latter’s story, Endless Summer. The girl’s reluctance and anxiety fades away as she blushes and smiles before quickly running around the halls, presumably looking for something, or someone.

Kyle makes his way towards the art club to meet his mentor and art teacher, Mister Pablo Ross. On his hands, he was playing Legend of Zelda on his Nintendo Switch. Even with his eyes glued to the console, he is still aware of his surroundings and knows where to go.

Gaming has always been a staple to my life. On my 5th birthday, my parents introduced me to the world of gaming when they bought me a Playstation 3. I had lots of fun, playing with Karen and Lucas. When Mom and Dad passed away, I grew more attached to video games because, just like my arts, they’re a reminder of them, the people who loved and raised me. I just can’t seem to move on like my siblings. People keep saying that there’s a ‘special someone’ out there for me, to break me free from this torment. But I keep doubting them... until today...

Suddenly, the same redhead girl from earlier stands in front of Kyle and happily points at him. Her green eyes light up at the sight of him.

Girl: There you are!

Kyle looks at the girl with confusion.

Kyle: Wha... huh...?

The girl then offers her hand for a shake.

Girl: I’m Vivian. And I am in love with your artworks!

Kyle is taken aback by the girl’s sudden introduction and affection towards his own work. He is left speechless with lots of things going on in his mind.

On the Spring of 2018, I met a girl, who instantly confessed to me. And soon after... for a brief moment...

My world slowly started to take color...

--- End of Chapter ---

#the third wheel #blightfics #original story #slice of life story #romance story

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omg-puddingpie · 6 years

Photo

57 facts about OMG-Puddingpie

Tagged by @twistedsimblr

1. I am going to be 30 years old in 4 months! :0 Gettin’ old folks. XD

2. I was born January 5th and EVERY YEAR on my bday, my mom tells me the same story regarding my birth, the weather and so forth. (I just let her do it. XD)

3. I have terrible depression but I’ve learned how to handle it and find healthy alternatives for those bad days.

4. My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for 3 and have 4 beautiful children: 3 girls and a boy. (We’d like more but we want to wait until our youngest is at LEAST 2 or 3. XD)

5. I will only date women with a ‘thicker’ body type. We ALL have our preferences, so don’t wave your damn finger at me. :P

6. I am Graphic Designer and freelance artist but always wanted to have my own tattoo shop and be a tattoo artist.

7. I never show too many pictures of myself. (I’ll do the Simself and draw it but that’s it) There have been a few times and people often ask why....what are you hiding? And the answer is the same: I’m not hiding a damn thing but I don’t need to showcase myself in every which way, to be honest. The internet is an ugly place at times.

8. I’m a cat person and if I had it my way, I’d live on a farm and allow all kinds of Cats to roam the lands!

9. I’m an Xbox man myself but I’m not against Playstations or other platforms.

10. I’m in love with the video game Overwatch and I’m a Junkrat, McCree, Hanzo, Mercy, Roadhog and Ana main. (I try to play all the heros, though.)

11. I started drawing at 9 when I kept complaining I was bored. Guess my mom got tired of it and told me to find SOMETHING to do, so I did. XD

12. I do not like people bugging me with requests: Can you draw this, can you draw (insert character’s name) can you draw my Cat, can you draw my boyfriend and I, etc. I’ll only do them for certain people and I MUST approach you. If not, prepare to be ignored.

13. I’m Portuguese, A little Italian and a TAD German.

14. I love disney movies and could care less that I’m a grown ass man: I will SING ‘Colors of the wind’ from Pocahontas until my heart is content! XD

15. My very 1st car was a 2007 Mustang

16. I inherited the name Puddingpie from the wonderful game ‘The Wolf Among Us’

17. ‘Fables’ is my favorite non-marvel comic

18. I love Supernatural creatures: Werewolves, Fairies, Vampires....you name it.

19. I love the holiday season and can not WAIT for the Fall to finally set in. (I live in Cali and it can get....pretty....damn...hot!)

20. My parents have been divorced since I was 5

21. Can not wait for the remastered Spyro trilogy! I was pretty bummed when they pushed the release date to November but yay: Early Christmas present to me! :D

22. People assume I’m gay or bi because I draw naked dudes, play same sex sims, etc and to be honest, I like to have different options and I’m open.

23. I got into my first fight when I was 12.

24. I’d do anything for my children. They mean everything to me.

25. My wife is African American and we use to HATE one another, before we officially became a couple. (Hilarious, I know. XD)

26. To @twistedsimblr Your drawings are amazing and I wish I had the time (and patience) to make poses like you can, girl! :D

27. I use to write A LOT of fanfictions during my college years. (Like, 4 or 5 years ago?)

28: I personally do not know this person but @emmypess and I go waaaaaaaay back in the writing community and use to write stories all the damn time in the same forum. Her stuff is still amazing!

29. I love Las Vegas. I mostly go for the shows and food, though.

30. I love Pizza and will drive in the rain, snow and end of the world, just to get one. :P

31. I love listening to the oldies. (70′s, 80′s, 90′s. Old country songs are the best)

32. I am estranged from my father and it’s been the best damn thing I could have ever done.

33. I can make a pretty good Pecan Pie.

34. My Vinyl Pop figure collection has become an addiction and I MIGHT need help. XD

35. I have an issue with Beer and hard liquor (meaning I’ve been known to over drink) so I limit myself or avoid it, if possible.

36. Never been fired from a job

37. I’ve been playing The Sims since 2001. It was included with our new computer at the time and I fell in love with it.

38. People assume I live by the beach and surf, just because I live in California. Although I USE to, I’ve recently moved to a town surrounded by factories, Dairies and some pretty decent eateries.

39. I love Vans and Converse shoes

40. One day, I will complete a Sudoku puzzle without the help from my wife.

41. Facebook is overrated and although I have one, I rarely use it these days. (Mostly to post photos during the holidays)

42. I have a foul mouth and it’s be a struggle keeping that at bay. XD

43. I hate large crowds and they make me very nervous

44. I’m not much for television and prefer watching youtube or stream shows on my tablet, if I need that entertainment.

45. I have music playing every time I draw. It helps me concentrate and the lyrics often help push out what I’m trying to doodle.

46. John Gardner’s book ‘Grendel’ is one of my all time favorite reads. (And not just because I’m a fan of Gren. XD XD)

47. Metallica is the shit

48. I eat Peanut Butter like it’s never coming back to the shelves

49. I can be very mean and say hurtful things. (Get this from my father) And although it’s an ongoing battle, I’d like to say I’ve made progress

50. I have a tattoo of Otto from ‘The Simpsons’ on my right leg. He is my spirit animal. :P

51. I love Black Cats

52. My wife and I TRIED to grow our own produce, like Onions, Tomatoes, etc and well.....it failed. BIG time. XD

53. SPEAKING of Tomatoes, I hate, hate, HATE them on sandwiches or Burgers but I need Ketchup for my Fries. Go figure. :P

54. I use to smoke cigarettes

55. I’ve been told when I make Coffee, it’s almost like drinking oil. It’s pretty damn strong but I need it!

56. I’m currently obsessed with Weezer’s attempt at the song ‘Africa’ and have replayed it well over 100 times by now.

57. This year, I’m going to take a week off from EVERYTHING job related and just be a lazy bum. I need some me time, dammit! XD

I tag….

EVERYONE…

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girlierest · 6 years

Text

15 quesions, 15 mutuals.

Tagged by @kkas-daydreams. Thank you ^^

Tagging (and you need not do so, also putting this first in case anyone wants to ignore): @ambalambs, @wayfae, @megidolaoncute, @zylphiacrowley, @untaintedtea, @slothquisitor, @thesecondseal, @slothquisitor, @sophiehatter, @chaoticstarblossoms, @mintstarry, @realmofeternalnight, @filthy-rat. Again, don’t have to :P

1. Are you named after anyone?

Me and my sister’s middle names are from someone the devil wouldn’t even want. Also generally speaking, the pool of Vietnamese names is really, really, really small.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Just now, while typing these answers out :’)

3. Do you have kids?

Do original characters count? Then 7.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I’m not sure but I’ve been told I have an attitude problem, so probably? I’m quite literal now, however.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

The way they hold themselves/their posture/confidence. It’s also in their eyes. There’s a distinct word for this in Viet I can’t translate.

6. What’s your eye colour?

Brown.

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

Happy ending.

8. Any special talents?

I can kind of pick out my favourite voice actors/seiyuus (and non-favourites) just by listening to a character speak a few lines. Depending on my favourtism or how much I’ve heard their voice, it can be just one line and I'll know who it is almost immediately. Again, it depends. I might not know the actor’s name but I can put another character they voiced to them with ease. Occasionally I’m wrong, but usually I’m right.

9. Where were you born?

Canada, the land of hockey and snow.

10. What are your hobbies?

Drawing, playing video games, used to be writing, some reading when I have the right book, casual photography, and shopping when I actually have the money.

11. Do you have any pets?

I had a dog but I had to put him to sleep mid-August this year. To answer question 2, I cry when I think about him tbh, which is fairly often, including right now.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

None. I’m the most unathletic person I know.

13. How tall are you?

5″5/166.5-ish cm.

14. Favourite subject in school?

Art, but I really enjoy English.

15. Dream job?

A successful freelance illustrator, art director, graphic designer, comic book artist. If I’m gonna be an honest dreamer, then: an animator, but that requires another 3 years of school.

My dreams haven’t changed much for the last 10 years

#tag meme #tag post #le whiny text post

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its-annanguyen · 6 years

Text

Final Thoughts on Experience

INTRODUCTION

As a Bachelor of Applied Science candidate, I am more focused on the interface design aspect, mainly dealing with web + mobile design & development. I enjoy creating digital arts with a combination of computer programming in HTML/CSS. My hope is to become a UI/UX developer at a high-tech company like Google, Amazon, or even Yelp. That is why I am thankful to have interned at One Wave Designs during the summer of 2018 from June 1st to August 31st as a Web Design & Development Intern.

INTERNSHIP PROCESS

Learning Experience

As a Yelp Elitist, I searched up the “Best Web Design Company” on Yelp, in which One Wave Designs popped up as the first search with a 5-star rating! I gave it a shot and emailed the President/CEO/Owner of the company, Paul. He responded back asking for my resume and portfolio where I finally got a response a month later that I got the internship position!

During my time as an intern, I was responsible for mainly 3 things: web design & development, layout concepts, and SEOs. I mainly worked on 8 projects in 10 weeks. I learned that SEOs (Search Engine Optimization) is very important in web development because websites with good SEOs will always appear at the top of the search list depending on keywords that you use. For instance, if I were to type “Hawaii Web Design” in Google Search, One Wave Designs will be the first to pop up under all the other Google ads search. I learned how to hyperlink emails (mailto:) and phone numbers (tel:), which are also important factors in SEOs. Hierarchy, or the way you order the sizes of the header and texts, also matters too. When you’re adding images or links, it’s good to add a title or alt texts to increase SEO keyword searches. Lastly, saving/uploading images that are 200K or less is great for websites because it loads a lot faster.

I learned how to use 2 types of content management system (CMS), DNN Software and WordPress. I am very familiar with WordPress, it was my first time hearing about DNN. Unfortunately, though, DNN is not used as often anymore and non-developers are shifting to easy CMS like WordPress.I really liked using DNN because of how much coding is involved, whereas WordPress is almost dragging-and-dropping... this is more ideal for non-coders.

I learned how to use an FTP (File Transfer Protocol) software called FileZilla. This allows me to be flexible and customize a website through HTML/CSS coding. Basically, I can manipulate a style of the website by changing up the codes - which can only be done by FTPing and coding. It’s very confusing to explain and understand... I never heard anything like it before until I interned here! After taking web design & development course here at UHWO, I learned that it’s always a smart idea to make copies of the original files that I’ll be editing incase I mess up the codings. Don’t want to repeat that mistake again because there was a time where I had to reset the entire website and build it from scratch. :(

Layout concepts were the MOST STRESSFUL projects I had to do when I interned here. I honestly kind of dreaded it. Paul hated doing layout concepts too! Which explains why I always worked on them instead of him. These 4 software helped me a great deal when I had to make layout concepts/drafts for potential clients:

WhatTheFont.com

Google Fonts

Pantone Color Picker

iStockPhoto.com

WhatTheFont.com allowed me to upload a screenshot of a word so that it can identify the font types for me. Once it generates a few options of fonts, I’d download them (for free) using Google Fonts. Fonts that I find on Google Fonts are great for websites because it doesn’t have to be embedded. Another thing with the web is determining the color, so that’s why I always use the color picker on the Pantone website. Lastly, copyrights and permissions on images/videos/etc. are always questionable. That’s why I always look up stock photos on iStock since we have a subscription with them anyways.

Discoveries

I feel like I’ve grown as a person over the years. I used to be so shy and quiet, never being the first person to speak or raise my hand. Through this internship among other things, I learned how to speak up and ask questions when I needed to. If this is an unpaid internship that I am devoting much of my time to, I EXPECT to learn quite a few things. It never hurts to ask questions because that’s how you learn -- this is my motto. I learned that I am not that great at criticisms or taking in constructive feedback. I want to learn how to be more patient because there were times I’d get super annoyed when my supervisors would tell me what to do when I’m already doing it or will do it. Also, seeing how much projects I’ve done in such a short time span, I discovered that I am a very quick self-learner. As Paul mentioned, every client will have different expectations when it comes to building their website, which is why he couldn’t help/guide me as much as he should’ve. But in a field like web design/development, everything to customizable and flexible, so there’s never just “one way” to work on every single project.

Sample Work

Here’s a GIF image I found that totally speaks to me when it comes to designing layout concepts: the struggle with making the sizes exact. I was able to learn what the difference is between changing an “image size” and a “canvas size” on Photoshop because of this!

CONCLUSION

I wouldn’t mind working in a place similar to my internship~ I mean, I accepted a job position with One Wave Designs after finishing up my internship hours so that says something :D until this day (December) I am still with them. After 6 months, I learned a lot from working at a small yet successful company. There’s sooOoOoOoo much stress that comes with it. There were several times when Paul would dump a handful of projects on me despite my limited schedule and time constraint. I would lose my cool with him at times, and that’s where I reached my boiling point and told him I had enough. That’s when I discovered how much courage I had. Just a few days ago, I turned in a 30-day resignation letter to him, planning to resign by the end of this year since my last semester of college will be a stressful one yet. After Paul received my letter, he decided to give me a freelance position and allowed me to work whenever I can and work from home instead of in the office (lolol). This is what I’ve always wanted!

To conclude, it was a great experience interning here, but it was even better when I actually got paid. Sometimes I would question whether the amount of work I’m doing would even equate to how much I was getting paid by the hour. Ultimately, I was in it for the long run to build my experience and resume. I finally learned when/where to draw the line, which I should’ve done a lot sooner.

In the end, I learned that it’s good to build relationships with others and never be afraid to ask questions. Since I showed a lot of dedication and commitment when working here, I was able to earn Paul’s trust and was able to get things my way most of the time. I take internship experience very seriously. I’m here to learn so I’m not afraid to ask questions when I need to.

Whoops, forgot to add my presentation slides here: CM 390 Presentation

#journal

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bob-artist · 6 years

Note

Hey Bob, I hope your doing ok! I was thinking before (and I don't wanna come off as rude or try to stick my nose in your financial business) what if you brought back the tracking ads? Would that help at all? I'm definitely more concerned about your health and that should come first, but I remember what you said about patrons this month so I was just wondering. (If I'm overstepping my boundaries in anyway u don't have to answer) FEEL BETTER!!

I wasn’t going to answer publicly, but I think I probably should.

Thanks for the message, and don’t worry, you’re not coming off as rude. Losing the ad money sucks, but it isn’t enough to make or break the comic. It’s just another financial blow like the many others I’ve been dealt this year. At least now, unlike before, I can somewhat afford to lose it.

I was unhappy with the ads for awhile. I don’t trust or approve of the way tech companies handle people’s personal data, so I don’t want to perpetuate something I don’t believe in. When I first started using Google ads in 2011, it didn’t seem like as big a deal as it has over the past year or two. But things are different now. Like, I’ve still seen Cambridge-Analytica-style fake news ads sneak in by being mis-categorized, and I don’t want any part of that.

The ad situation doesn’t have anything to do with the hiatus. Part of my need to step back is just my own health. As of now, and thanks to lots of effort and maintenance, I’ve gone the longest I’ve ever gone since I was 14 without a major chronic health episode - 4 years for something that’s usually at least annual. But I’ve also felt like I've been hanging by a thread for almost all of the past year. Minor setbacks are getting increasingly difficult to endure. Every day is just a struggle to keep things up and running, and to make sure I’m only failing at one or two things a day instead of failing at every single thing (which is what happens during a full-blown episode). Right now, I need to fail at the comic for a while so I can keep the rest of my life running.

My health issues are the reason I have to be self-employed, and the flexibility of self-employment is the reason I’ve been able to hold off an episode for 4 years. I’m hoping my readers and patrons will give me the flexibility that my former day job didn’t, but if my readers would rather move onto other things, I can accept that and move onto other things too. I’ll still be posting creative content to Patreon in the meantime (like I said, I’m trying to only fail at one or two things), but it just won’t necessarily be DOTU stuff.

But there are also some long-term issues with the comic itself that won’t be fixed by a hiatus or by better health. I’ll put the rest of this under a cut, but you don’t really need to read it. It’s pretty long.

I’ve been looking at the overall health - and long-term health - of the comic, including stuff like reader and patron retention and engagement since switching to 2 and 3 pages per month. These things were great at 5 pages per month, but my finances and health weren’t great because I was working literally nonstop at less than minimum wage. Now that I'm making a better page rate and have more room for good freelance, my finances are better, but growth of the comic is worse. (I knew this would happen, which is why I always push so hard to get back to faster updates.)

When I get into a scene that no one cares about, it means I have to work for months before I can get back out of that scene, and it’s a motivation killer because I feel like there’s no purpose behind the hours of work I’m pouring in when I can be doing equally unimportant corporate freelance for 5x the pay. And that also means there’s months-long stretches where readers aren’t excited enough about the comic to want to share it, which also affects growth. It feels like we’ve been in this state of disinterest ever since the start of chapter 4, which was nearly a year ago.

Pacing is one of the most important things about webcomics. Without it, it’s impossible to gain momentum. But I don’t have a working spouse or a lucrative low-effort day job, and I live in an area with one of the highest costs of living in the US, plus I have chronic health stuff. There are people out there who can live on what I’m currently making on Patreon, but not here in Cook County, and not with my situation. So there’s a limit to how much comic work I can do.

It feels horrible to know that I’m being given more than the vast majority of self-published non-porn webcomickers on Patreon, and *still* having trouble continuing. But I can only do what I can afford to do, and if that isn’t enough to maintain the health of the comic, then I need to keep doing my corporate freelance while I think of other alternatives. Here are some of the things I’m considering:

-Making the comic patrons-only until I have enough of a backlog to post 6 months or 1 year of weekly (or 5x monthly) public pages. (This would mean a public hiatus of like 9 months or more.)

-Working on other projects that provide cross-promotional opportunities, or that, if successful enough, I would do instead of DOTU. (for example, doing more traditionally published novels or a more marketable comic.) I don’t want to quit DOTU, but if the excitement and buzz around it is gone, then I need to consider other options.

-Putting less effort into DOTU pages so I can finish them faster. (the problem is I’d have to put in a *lot* less effort to make a real difference, and at that point I’d probably be unhappy enough with my work to not want to show it to anyone.)

-Changing DOTU to an illustrated prose format so I’m able to get through the story faster. (This will make a lot of readers drop out, but it’s something I’d consider before ditching the comic entirely)

-Hoping I feel better after the hiatus, and then just continuing as usual until my next existential crisis :/

As with last October, I’m making more from DOTU than I can afford to abruptly lose, so I’ll probably choose the last option for now and make my long-term plans in the background based on how it goes after I start posting again.

#replies #long post #genericbl0gger

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maryanntorreson · 3 years

Text

6 tips to help you manage your day when working from home

Krystal Quiles

When I first began working at home, I couldn’t believe I was getting away with such a racket.

No one told me what to do or where to be! I could work in my bed, go to the grocery store in the middle of the day, and my clients were none the wiser. Even though I was a freelancer, I was constantly looking over my shoulder and expecting to be reprimanded by someone.

But my elation wore away when I realized I wasn’t quite alone at home: my anxiety was there, too.

Now, I’m an anxious person, even in the best of times. But these days, it seems like we’re all anxious. And anxiety is another ingredient — like Zoom calls, overloaded wifi or howling children or pets — that needs to be factored into your days, your productivity and your time management.

Some days my anxiety drives me to perform at an Olympic level, with no task undone and no email unanswered even if I have to work until midnight. That is overwork — a common way that many of us anxious people deal with our feelings — and I’ll return to it later.

Other days, anxiety creates a background buzz in the form of intrusive thoughts and fears about the future. It can also make us distracted and unable to focus, so another common way of dealing with anxiety is avoidance (more later on this one too). For example, while I was writing this piece, I baked banana bread, made a half-hearted attempt at the exercise bike, fed the cats their pre-lunch snack, and wandered around my house looking for things that needed my attention.

Working from home can be wonderful, but when you’re anxious, it can be difficult to concentrate and stay on task. How do you stay accountable to yourself and get work done without driving yourself to exhaustion?

Here are some tips based on what I have learned from 15 years of managing my anxiety while also working from home:

1. Call off the mental fire drill that occurs whenever you get a Slack or email notification

I know I’m not the only one whose heart rate accelerates when I see a new email in my inbox (or a Slack message). It could be a client, a staffer, my accountant or my mother. My anxiety drives me to want to quickly fix what they’re writing me about so I’ll feel better. But before I do, I often spend time worrying and trying to suss out the “true” meaning of their message (a fool’s errand, since emotional nuance is lost in almost any digital communication). Then I’ll force myself to respond no matter what — even if I’m finally eating lunch at 3PM or doing time-sensitive work.

Don’t blame yourself for leaping to reply to every message — much of modern knowledge work is built on this Pavlovian system of instant feedback and urgent response. With so many of us working from home and without the normal in-person interaction, this past year we’ve gotten trained to crave the feedback of a “ping” or a visual notification.

To start to de-program ourselves from the need to always be on, we need to practice being disconnected for small amounts of time. Begin with a time limit. Pick an after-hours moment when you don’t need to be online, and then turn off or hide your devices for an hour. Gradually work towards doing this during a workday. For that, select an hour when you can purposefully avoid checking updates (set up an “away” or “in a meeting” notification so people won’t wonder why you’re not getting back to them).

See how you feel when you can take a break from checking. When I avoid my phone for an hour, I notice that my neck is looser and so are my shoulders! Immediate benefit.

2. Stop waiting to get permission to log off

When work isn’t a place you leave at the end of the day, it can be incredibly difficult to stop. And let’s face it, when the option is to keep working and feel in control or spend more time on the sofa doom-scrolling or with whining kids, overworking might seem even more attractive. But learning to stop work is a discipline that creates good habits and a necessary step to keeping your energy tank filled.

I am an accomplished professional, but unconsciously I still want someone to tell me, “You did a good job today — you’re done.” Well, you need to learn to give yourself that permission.

Psychologist Alice Boyes changed my life when she suggested setting concrete limits around the amount of time I spend on the tasks that make me anxious and tend to overdo. Such shortcuts and hacks that help calm anxiety are called heuristics.

Here’s how you could come up with a heuristic to set boundaries on your work hours. At the beginning of your day (or the day before), create a reasonable to-do list. The key word is reasonable — no writing up a list based upon an imaginary 240-hour day — and based on experience, you’ll probably know how long most of your tasks will take. And if you have to guess time for any, guess upwards. Structure your day based around this list, and when you’re finished, close your computer. You did good.

3. When you get stuck in a worry spiral, ask: “What’s making me anxious right now?”

The flip side of overwork is avoidance — avoiding deadlines and tasks because you’re anxious. Everyone has their greatest hits of coping mechanisms, from trying to worry the fear away to working it away to diving into a bag of cheese doodles. Our brain does this because it’s trying to help us avoid our bad feelings. To understand the motivations and causes behind your anxiety, it helps to take a pause to feel your feelings and monitor how you react to those feelings.

Start by looking at what’s making you anxious right now and how the anxiety is making you react. Here’s an example from my life. Thinking about money makes me anxious. When the economic news is frightening, I might act out when I’m faced with a work task that has anything to do with money. So if I need to prepare a financial report for my small business, I assume it’s going to reveal negative results, which sends me into a spiral of fear. Cognitive behavioral therapists call this kind of reaction an anxious automatic thought. Consequently, instead of facing the spreadsheet and doing my work, I might avoid it entirely. I might eat that bag of cheese doodles or buy something online that makes me feel good. I’m reacting to my anxiety.

It’s better if I can learn to move from reacting on auto-pilot to knowing what sets me off and then managing how I will respond. I can say to myself: “Looking at my company’s finances is going to set me off right now. Maybe I should ask my business partner to do it. Or maybe I should build in a reward if I face the challenge head on? I could let myself have an extra hour of Netflix if I complete the spreadsheet.” I find that most of the time, doing the work doesn’t feel nearly as bad as what my anxiety anticipates.

4. Follow it up by finding a super-achievable work task and doing it

As you can see from my example above, when you feel anxious, it’s easy to turn a relatively straightforward task into an overwhelming thought exercise that sends your brain into catastrophe mode. When you are mired in anxiety and avoiding your work, the important thing is to do something. Jonathan Baxter, a family therapist, gave me this advice:

“The experience of stress has to do with your body wanting to take action. If there are actions you can take — whether getting some exercise or cleaning the bathroom or teaching your kids something — go ahead and take them. When you take action, give yourself a moment to let yourself feel good about taking a step. Use your mind to give your body the signal that you have agency and are doing what you can. (“There, I did it!”) The goal is to feel active and effective rather than scrambling from one thing to the next.”

I like to take a page from positive psychology and choose a small, meaningful action that will build my motivation for work and to tackle bigger tasks ahead. Have you ever organized a messy spreadsheet and just felt so good? Pick an activity that connects you to your larger purpose and allows you to see yourself as an effective and competent individual, which will ultimately help you move towards doing the thing you’re avoiding.

5. If that seems impossible, pick a non-work task

If tackling work just feels like too much when you’re toiling from home and staring at a messy house or out-of-control kids, pick a non-work action that’s physical and helpful. Since I hunch and clench in my desk chair when I’m stuck, I like to pick a task that gets my body moving and my shoulders open. I might pick a household chore (I like to scrub the bathtub because it’s quick but physically demanding), cook, do some yard work or even run up my stairs a few times. I find that it helps me to get off my screen and into motion.

Notice how you feel after you do your tiny non-work task and whether you’re able to begin the thing you have been avoiding. Then notice: How long can you continue until anxiety hits again? Is there a specific activity that almost always gets you in the mood to tackle a task?

6. Keep adding to your anxiety-taming bag of tricks

Anxiety feels different for everyone. We all have different triggers, and we all react differently. Money, as I mentioned before, is a big anxiety trap for me. When I get unwelcome financial news, my brain immediately goes to a gloomy place: My business will fail, we will go broke, we will lose everything.

As you continue in your career, it’s crucial that you understand specifically what sets you off and how it affects your workday. Once you understand that, you can try to avoid these triggers and — when you can’t avoid them — use specific strategies or tools that can help you move out of anxiety.

Many people I talk to for my podcast “The Anxious Achiever” tell me that they find making to-do lists and detailed schedules helpful, because they help them cut down on ruminating and overwork. Others know that they need to sweat, get outside or run around with their dog to dissolve that knot of anxiety. I like to cook. When I’m anxious and unfocused, I make giant stockpots of broth or chili. Hey … it works for me.

It’s possible for you to create a remote workday that minimizes your anxiety, creates real connection and engagement with your coworkers, allows you to get your work done, and lets you feel OK about unplugging at night. But like all skills, learning how to manage your workday anxiety takes practice, time, and above all compassion for yourself. We all succumb to the cheese doodles at times, and that’s OK too.

Watch her The Way We Work video here:

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Morra Aarons-Mele is a (mostly) happy, successful person. She also identifies as an extremely anxious overachiever. To normalize anxiety and help others manage theirs, Aarons-Mele launched and hosts The Anxious Achiever podcast for HBR Presents, which was a 2020 Webby Awards Honoree and is a top 10 management podcast. She’s passionate about helping people rethink the relationship between their mental health and their leadership. Aarons-Mele is also the founder of the award-winning social impact agency Women Online, which created a database of female influencers, the Mission List. She was named 2020 Entrepreneur of the Year at the Iris Awards, recognizing excellence in digital parenting media. Aarons-Mele is also a prolific writer. Since 2004 she has covered the campaign trail, the White House, the lactation room and the office cubicle. Her book, Hiding in the Bathroom: How To Get Out There (When You’d Rather Stay Home), was published in 2017, and she has written for the New York Times, Entrepreneur, Fast Company, Slate, InStyle, O, the Wall Street Journal, Forbes and the Guardian.

This piece was adapted for TED-Ed from this Ideas article.

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