#this is phrased in a very frustrated and cynical way but I’m so tired | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kpop-zone · 4 years

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Losing Our Minds | Solar

Warnings: consumption of alcohol

Genre: angst, fluff

Wordcount: 5,682

Request: r gets jealous over moonsun, they have a huge fight about it and r goes to rosé(bp) for comfort and to vent out. Solar finds out and accuses r of cheating. mainly angst but fluff ending pls

Y/N: This story has literally no plot at all, so I’m sorry to the anon who requested it and also to anyone who’s reading it...

Nervously you took a glance at your watch.

10:30 pm

Yongsun still wasn’t home from work and slowly you began panicking. What if something happened? You had already called her countless times and she didn’t respond to your text messages either. You didn’t want to be the kind of partner that didn’t let their significant other breathe, but you were seriously worried by now. Therefore, you searched for Moonbyul’s contact and called her. Maybe she could tell you where your girlfriend was.

It didn’t take long until she picked up and the first thing that you heard was loud laughter in the background. Laughter that sounded awfully similar to your girlfriend’s.

“Moonbyul? Hi, this is Y/N. Do you know where Yongsun is?”

You asked sheepishly, because you felt a little awkward to call your girlfriend’s group member in order to find her.

“Yeah, she’s here with me!”

Moonbyul answered nonchalantly and you started to feel irritation crawling up inside of you.

“Is everything ok?”

You probed, hoping that maybe there was an explanation for all of this. Maybe they had some trouble in the company and the whole group had a meetup at Moonbyul’s to find a solution.

“Of course! Yongsun and I just wanted to let loose a bit after the practice.”

You could hear your girlfriend giggling in the background and by now you had to fight hard to choke down your anger.

“Only the two of you?”

You asked as calmly as possible while jealousy joined the mixture of feelings that wanted to take control of your body right now.

All the members of Mamamoo were close, you knew that. And you had never had a problem with it. You were glad that Yongsun had found a family for life, but nevertheless, you couldn’t help but to be jealous sometimes. Especially when she was flirting with Moonbyul. A lot of fans shipped them and while you tried to not let your jealousy get the best of you, you couldn’t completely ignore their chemistry. What if they truly had feelings for each other and just didn’t want to disrupt the group’s dynamics?

Your thoughts were interrupted when Moonbyul answered your question.

“Yup. Do you want to talk with her?”

She offered but you couldn’t stand to hear her voice right now. Otherwise, the mixture of feelings that was currently seething inside of you would probably erupt.

“No, it’s fine. Thanks.”

You answered shortly before hanging up the phone without losing another word.

You couldn’t believe it. Wanting to relax with a friend after work was one thing, but not even having the decency to inform you about it, was unacceptable.

With your anger still boiling inside of you, you got ready for bed and tried to unwind. Which wasn’t easy, because the spot next to you was still empty. You didn’t have to wait long though until you heard the front door opening. At least, your girlfriend still had enough empathy to know when she had messed up.

You closed your eyes when Yongsun entered the bedroom with the intention to avoid talking to her. Your plan seemed to work, because she silently tiptoed into the bathroom so as not to wake you. When she came back though, she crawled into the bed and instantly scooted closer to you. Reflexively you tried to distance yourself again from her, because you were still mad at her.

“Jagi?”

Yongsun whispered but you remained silent.

Gently, she laid her hand on your hip to catch your attention, but you wiggled yourself out of her grasp and huffed demonstratively. Apparently, she got your cue, because she slowly returned to her side of the bed where she sighed loudly. This was a fight between the two most stubborn people on earth and you were determined to win it. It took you a while till you fell asleep, because you couldn’t stop your brain from working, but eventually your heavy eyelids won the fight.

When you woke up the next morning, Yongsun was already gone. Most days she left earlier than you and you were lowkey grateful for it today. There was a huge argument waiting for you and you definitely weren’t in the mood to endure it in the early morning.

Nevertheless, you dreaded it the whole day. On the one hand, you were still angry and finally wanted to give your anger some room, but on the other hand, you were also really not looking forward to one of your seemingly endless fights with Yongsun. They always lasted several days and none of you ever stepped down from their point of view. But this fight was inevitable. You didn’t want any more frustration to pile up and lead to an even bigger argument.

Therefore, you went home after work without any detours. As soon as you opened the door you could hear Yongsun humming along to a song and you mentally prepared yourself for what was about to come. When you entered the living room, you saw that your girlfriend was laying on the couch, looking at her phone. When she noticed your arrival, she quickly put it down.

“What did I do to deserve your presence today?”

You asked cynically and Yongsun rolled her eyes.

“You can be so annoying sometimes. Do I need your allowance for everything now?”

She bickered back, causing your bottled-up emotions to boil again.

“I’m sorry for worrying about you. But I guess if I’m so annoying, you won’t have to search long for a replacement.”

Your accusation was subtle, but Yongsun instantly noticed it.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She asked with narrowed eyes and a defensive tone.

“Don’t act dumb, Yongsun. Is there something going on between you and Moonbyul?”

You questioned straightforward. You were tired of beating around the bush and finally wanted to know the truth.

Your girlfriend stared at you with her mouth half-open and her forehead scrunched up in confusion. Then, however, her anger returned all at once.

“That’s ridiculous, Y/N! Your jealousy and possessiveness are pathetic.”

She laughed and your heart ached because she discarded your worries like that.

Your feelings jumbled up all the words in your brain and you were left speechless. You gulped thickly to choke down the tears that threatened to fall. Your feelings weren’t important to your girlfriend. That was for sure; instead she called you pathetic. Her insult echoed in your head and you couldn’t find any fitting comeback. This battle was lost, but you weren’t willing to let Yongsun win the war. Therefore, you needed time to recover.

“Well I think, I’m doing you a favor then if I leave.”

You spat out before turning on your heel and storming out of the apartment.

You couldn’t believe Yongsun’s stubbornness. How could she ridicule your question like that? You weren’t the only one that was seeing a spark between Moonbyul and her. There were several fans that would back you up on your theory. Of course, they didn’t know either of them privately like you did. But honestly, sometimes you felt like you were third wheeling Moonbyul and Yongsun when you were together with them, instead of the other way around.

Therefore, you didn’t stop as you ran downstairs to escape another verbal jab by your girlfriend. You definitely needed some time to get a clear head again. As soon as you had left the building tears streamed down your face and you stood on the sidewalk like a lost puppy. You couldn’t go back to your apartment anymore, but where else were you supposed to go now? Therefore, you dialed the first number that came to your mind.

“Chae? Yongsun and I had a fight, can I crash at your place?”

Your best friend was the only person that you wanted to see right now. And as reliable as she was, it was no wonder that she immediately ordered you to come over.

As soon as you had knocked on her door, it swung open and she wrapped her arms tightly around you.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

She mumbled against your head, while slowly pulling you inside the apartment.

Together you sat down in the living room where you started to tell her everything. Chaeyoung listened attentively and gave you several tissues throughout your monologue, because your tears only stopped rolling down your cheeks at the very end. You looked at her desperate for any advice, so she patted your shoulder lightly.

“Hm I think there is only one solution for that.”

She said once you were done talking, causing you to look at her expectantly.

You expected her to say a some encouraging empty phrase, but instead Chaeyoung leaped to her feet and held out her hand for you.

“We have to get your mind off things.”

She announced with a big grin and you looked at her in confusion.

“I wanted to go partying tonight anyways, so I’m just going to take you with me. What better way to forget things than to drown your worries in alcohol?”

Chaeyoung continued and you defensively held up your hands. You definitely weren’t in the mood to celebrate or to dance right now.

“Forget it. I’m not leaving the house looking like this. Besides, I don’t even have the right clothes with me.”

You tried to save yourself, but when you saw Chaeyoung’s smirk, you knew that you had lost the debate.

“Let me worry about that!”

She winked at you before pulling you off the couch and into her bedroom.

You didn’t even have time to protest before you looked at yourself in the mirror with some tighter clothes on and some makeup to conceal your puffy eyes.

“Ready to rumble?”

Chaeyoung asked cheekily and you sighed in desperation, because you truly didn’t want to go to a club. But your best friend didn’t want to see you sad like this any longer. Therefore, she took your hand in hers and dragged you out of the apartment.

The two of you made your first stop at a bar where Chaeyoung put you up to drinking almost a whole bottle of Soju by yourself in only a short amount of time to loosen you up. She reached her goal rather quickly, because you were a lightweight and suddenly, you couldn’t even wait to go to the club. Therefore, you quickly pulled your friend out of the bar and into the place that you hoped could numb your misery.

It didn’t take you long till you got accommodated to the buzzing chaos in the club. People were bumping into your body from left and right and the music was so loud that your eardrum felt like it was close to bursting. You didn’t mind one bit though and instantly jumped right into the crowd.

Chaeyoung, on the other hand, had decided to babysit you tonight, because she knew about your drunken vices. Whenever you went past your limit, you were extremely hyper and could seemingly teleport yourself to places where you shouldn’t be. One second you were on the dancefloor, the next one you were getting yourself another drink at the bar, the next second you were stumbling out of the club, because you needed some fresh air. And to worsen everything, you were extremely clingy too.

“Come on, Chaeyoung. Dance with me!”

You slurred over the loud music while throwing your arms around your best friend’s neck and dragging her to the dance floor. Chaeyoung chuckled because of your behavior and let you clumsily move your body to the beat while she only moved from one foot to the other to be able to block any gross drunks from getting too close to you. As long as you had fun and didn’t think about Yongsun, Chaeyoung was happy to be your babysitter.

“I love that song!”

You suddenly yelled before pulling out your phone and starting to film yourself.

“Rosé!!”

You slurred before almost crashing into her body and starting to dance with her.

Chaeyoung giggled because she was already used to your drunken antics. Nevertheless, she slowly took away your phone, because she didn’t want this video to convey a wrong impression. While she knew that this was nothing more than drunken affection for a friend, others might think that you could be more than that. You pouted shortly when you realized that you weren’t holding anything in your hands anymore, but then the next song came on and you forgot about your phone.

Your drunken behavior held on for the next two hours but then your batteries slowly died down and you started to weave like you were halfdead. Eventually calling it a night, Chaeyoung ordered the two of you a ride and decided that it was best if you stayed over at her place. The way to her apartment turned out to be a bigger challenge than thought, but eventually you were laying in her bed dead asleep.

For you, this night had been the best in a while. You had forgotten about your fight with Yongsun and actually enjoyed every minute to the fullest. On the other side of town, however, a new crisis started to form.

----

Yongsun tossed and turned in her bed. She hated to sleep without you, but at the same time, she was still mad at your accusation. Moonbyul and her? That was ridiculous. All the members were like family to her and she thought that she had made it clear that she only loved you.

Nevertheless, she couldn’t unwind. The fight was still replaying in her head and she couldn’t even think about sleeping. Therefore, she grumpily picked up her phone from her nightstand and opened Instagram to distract herself. But her plan failed when she saw that you had posted something in your story.

She was laying here, pondering about your fight and you were out there, having fun?

Yongsun scoffed, but immediately opened your story.

When she saw the content, she abruptly sat up in her bed.

“What the...”

She mumbled before replaying your story.

You were dancing closely with Chaeyoung and were throwing yourself at her. Yongsun couldn’t believe her eyes. You were accusing her of cheating and now you did the same to get revenge? Although her heart ached, she couldn’t stop replying the short clip over and over again. Every time you slid your arms around Chaeyoung’s neck, it felt like someone was ramming a dagger into her heart. Yongsun closed her eyes to avoid seeing the pictures on her screen, but then her imagination started to run wild. She didn’t want to know, what the two of you were doing right in this moment.

Suddenly tears sprung to Yongsun’s eyes. This couldn’t be. You drove her insane, but she had never actually considered losing you.

“Y/N... Please don’t.”

She whispered as if you could hear her.

She could forgive you for your ridiculous jealousy, but she couldn’t forgive you if you ever cheated on her. Her tears fell at a rapid pace when she thought about you moving on from her and she hugged her own body in need for comfort. Her tears streamed down her cheeks until she eventually passed out in exhaustion. In her dreams, she was haunted by the pictures of you storming out the apartment and dancing with Chaeyoung. Yongsun wanted to escape her nightmares, but her body was too exhausted to stay awake, so she kept being trapped in all the torturing scenarios that her mind could make up. Eventually, it was the sun that freed her from her misery and forced her to jolt awake.

It needed Yongsun a while to open her eyes, but after almost falling back into the same dream, she quickly sat up in her bed. Her gaze automatically wandered to her side and although she had known that you wouldn’t be laying next to her, her heart broke a little when she saw the empty space. Not being able to stand the loneliness any longer, she quickly got out of bed and rushed into the bathroom to move on with her day, in hopes that she could forget about you.

When Yongsun looked into the bathroom mirror, she almost jumped in shock. The traces that your fight had left were clearly visible. Her whole face was puffy and dark circles were decorating her eyes. Even a blind person could see that she had cried all night. Quickly she averted her gaze and pulled out all the makeup in her possession to fix her appearance.

After almost two hours, she looked like herself again and someone who didn’t know her, would never guess that she had experienced the worst night of her life. Satisfied with the results, she left the bathroom. But as soon as she stood in front of the bed and saw your side untouched, the pain in her chest grew again while her anger flared up. Makeup could maybe fix her appearance but not the hole in her heart.

“What you can do, I can do as well.”

Yongsun mumbled to herself while staring at the empty bed.

If you avoided her by running away, she wouldn’t just be waiting here for your return. Especially not after what you had done last night. Therefore, she packed a bag with her essential things and decided to move to Hyejin for a while. The maknae had just gotten a new and big apartment that was good enough to house her until she had figured out what to do with you.

After Yongsun had packed, she checked her appearance one last time in the mirror before leaving the apartment with the intention of not coming back today. Big sunglasses were covering her dark circles and the coffee to go in her hand was supposed to make her feel a little more alive. With her head held high in hopes to fake a good mood, she walked into the practice room of RBW Entertainment, but her members immediately realized that something was wrong.

“You look tired.”

“Haven’t you slept well?”

“What’s bugging you?”

Yongsun was bombarded with questions after not even five minutes. However, she wasn’t ready to talk about the events of the day before yet, but she knew that her members wouldn’t let loose. Therefore, she had to promise them that she would tell them everything after their schedule of the day had ended. One meeting followed the other and the hours dragged on endlessly because Yongsun neither had the energy nor the concentration to do anything at all, making even the staff notice that something was off.

“Ya Yongsun. What’s wrong with you?”

Their producer scolded her after she had sung the wrong line three times in a row.

Her members came to her defense as often as possible, but eventually the producer decided that this session was a waste of time and let them go early.

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. We all have our bad days. We’re just going to eat our worries away later.”

Wheein tried to cheer her up with a wink while patting her shoulder encouragingly.

But Yongsun still felt like a failure. Her relationship was a mess and now she had managed to ruin her reputation at work as well. She wished that she could just rewind the past 24 hours. Maybe talking about her problems would make everything better. Therefore, she dragged her feet out of the company and drove to Hyejin’s apartment where all the members ordered some food and immediately sat down in the living room to be able to hear about the reason for their leader’s bad mood.

Confidently Yongsun started to tell them about the fight. Only thinking about your accusation made her chuckle bitterly and she searched for her member’s support. They would surely agree with her on how ridiculous this whole scenario was. Her confidence slowly faded, however, as her members stayed dead silent throughout her narration and looked at each other insecurely.

Yongsun expected some kind of reaction after she was done talking, but all of them kept avoiding her gaze.

“Is nobody going to say anything? You agree with me that Y/N was wrong, right?”

She asked nervously, but when her members remained quiet, an unsettling feeling started to rise in Yongsun’s stomach.

Eventually the youngest member ended her torture and finally voiced her opinion.

“Honestly, I don’t. I would have left you ages ago.”

Hyejin chuckled while munching on her food, not realizing that Yongsun’s stern gaze had fixed on her.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She asked annoyed and the youngest member finally realized that she might have said the wrong thing.

With wide eyes, she glanced at the other members, searching for help.

“Come on Yongsun. Can you really blame Y/N? It’s hard enough to date an idol as a non-idol. But then you have to flirt with Moonbyul all the time to the point that our fans actually think the two of you are married?”

Wheein came to her defense and Yongsun looked at them perplexed.

“But that’s ridiculous. We’re basically family.”

She responded, but all her members shook their head.

“Maybe for you. But how is Y/N supposed to know that?”

Moonbyul stated, causing Yongsun to be at a loss for words.

“So are you on Y/N’s side now?”

She asked in disbelief, but her members instantly denied her accusation.

“We’re not on Y/N’s side. But maybe your initial fight hasn’t been completely unjustified. I mean, I would have kicked my ass a long while ago if I was in Y/N’s shoes...”

Moonbyul explained causing Yongsun to become pensive.

Had she been too harsh with you?

If you truly had been right to voice your concerns, then her reaction must have been hurtful, and you had had a good reason to storm out the apartment.

Slowly realization began to sink in.

“Guys, I think I have messed up.”

Yongsun said in shock and her members instantly hugged her from all sides.

But despite the comfort of her members, Yongsun knew that this night would be another one that she spent tossing and turning.

----

“Good morning sunshine!”

When Chaeyoung entered the room while yelling loudly and opening the blinds, you groaned in annoyance and tried to hide your face under your pillow. But your best friend immediately took away your shield.

“It’s time to wake up. It’s already 2pm.”

When you heard the time, you quickly jolted awake in shock, regretting your action soon after though, because a stinging pain shot through your head.

“2 pm?”

You asked in disbelief while clutching your head in hopes to lessen the pain.

“Yes, I wasn’t even sure whether you’re alive anymore.”

Chaeyoung chuckled, but you weren’t in the mood for jokes.

Slowly the events of the day before started flooding your head, causing regret to grow like a bad gathering. You regretted drinking so much that you felt like a truck had run you over. You regretted fighting with Yongsun. And you regretted running away from her.

“I think, I need to puke.”

You suddenly choked out before sprinting to the bathroom.

As you were hanging over the toilet while Chaeyoung stroked your back to make you feel better, you thought about everything that had happened yesterday. You were finally able to think clearly again as your anger had ceased.

Did you really think that Yongsun would ever cheat on you? Or did your jealousy get the better of you?

Maybe Yongsun hadn’t reacted correctly to your accusation, but nevertheless, you trusted her with your life. You shouldn’t have snapped at her like that. If you had only talked calmly with her about your worries, instead of accusing her, this whole catastrophe might have been avoidable.

Hopefully it wasn’t too late to fix things.

“I think, I have to go home now.”

You mumbled after you had emptied your stomach and Chaeyoung looked at you pitiful.

“Are you sure that you can face Yongsun again?”

She asked worried, but you instantly nodded in response.

“This isn’t the first fight we have had. And maybe we were both wrong and it’s time to be the bigger person.”

You tried mustering a smile to express your positivity. Your head, however, quickly started hammering as you lifted it and so you decided to start your day slowly.

After having a rather cold shower and drinking some coffee, you were starting to feel like a normal again and were ready to behave like an adult in front of your girlfriend. It was already late afternoon, when you drove back to your apartment, but you knew that Yongsun was still at work anyways.

Therefore, you started preparing some dinner after you had arrived, hoping that you could appease your girlfriend with good food. But the hands of the clock took their steady turn without you hearing your girlfriend ever entering the apartment. Flashbacks of that disastrous night came back to you as it was almost 10:30 pm again.

Was this relationship just not meant to be fixed?

You came with the intention of doing your bit for the reconciliation, but it seemed like Yongsun wasn’t ready yet. Desperation and loneliness brought tears to your eyes and you crawled into your bed in hopes that the arms of your girlfriend would wrap around you from behind like always when she came home late. But not that night. The bed was still empty the next morning and tears started pooling in your eyes. Where was Yongsun? Had she already moved on from you and was out there enjoying her single life again? Or had she been seeking comfort at a friend’s house like you did? You were hoping for the latter case and so you dialed Moonbyul’s number once again.

Your heart beat faster with every ringing of the phone until you were greeted with the person’s voice that had taken a crucial part in all this chaos.

“Y/N?”

Moonbyul’s voice sounded a lot less relaxed this time and you guessed that Yongsun had talked with her about your fight.

“Hey, Moonbyul.”

Your shaky voice was giving away that you had cried, and you gulped thickly in hopes to conceal your miserable state.

“Is Yongsun with you?”

You asked, not knowing whether you’d rather be sure about your girlfriend’s whereabouts or if everything would become more complicated if she’d with the person that you had accused her of cheating with.

“No... she’s not here.”

Moonbyul answered hesitantly, indicating that she probably knew more than she was telling you.

“Do you know where she is?”

You probed, causing your girlfriend’s best friend to sigh on the other end.

“Just that we are clear: I’m not on your side, but I feel bad for causing your fight and I don’t want you guys to break up. Plus I don’t want to believe that you have actually cheated. So I’m telling you this in good faith. Yongsun is at Hyejin’s.”

Moonbyul revealed, but you were taken aback by her statement before that.

“Cheated?”

You asked perplexed.

“Yeah, Yongsun saw your Insta story.”

She responded reproachfully and you ended up being even more confused.

Quickly you thanked her for her information before hanging up the call to be able to check your Instagram.

You opened your old stories and realized in shock that you truly had uploaded one the night before yesterday. There wasn’t a lot that you remembered from back then. Therefore, you were assuming that you hadn’t done a lot of rational things. Hesitantly you clicked on your story and ended up watching it with wide eyes. You were closely dancing with Chaeyoung and were practically throwing yourself at her.

For you, it was clear that you would never start something with your best friend, but you weren’t so sure about Yongsun.

The irony of the situation was truly unbelievable.

You had been accusing your girlfriend of cheating on you with her best friend because they were awfully close and now, she was probably pulling the reverse card. But you couldn’t let your relationship come to an end because of some misunderstandings.

Determined you leaped to your feet and rushed to the door after grabbing your keys. This hide and seek had to end now. Without thinking about a plan, you rushed to Hyejin’s apartment to finally clear things up. Only when you stood in front of the door, your nervousness had caught up to you. What were you supposed to say? Would your girlfriend even open the door? Anxiously you rang the doorbell and waited for the door to open, while taking glances at the camera that was installed above the door. You couldn’t know for sure, but you assumed that Hyejin and Yongsun were discussing whether to let you in or not right in this moment.

After what felt like an eternity, the door eventually swung open and revealed your girlfriend that was looking at you sternly.

“What do you want?”

Yongsun said annoyed and your heart clenched because of her harsh tone.

“I-I think we need to talk.”

You stuttered insecurely while looking at your girlfriend with pleading eyes.

Yongsun barely met your eyes and shifted her gaze nervously from one point to the other. You hated to see her this anxious. Her eyes were puffy just like yours and she didn’t seem like she had gotten much sleep either. All you wanted to do was to step forward and wrap your arms around her. But you knew that you weren’t on hugging terms yet. Therefore, you kept awkwardly standing in front of her, waiting for her sentence.

Eventually she stepped to the side, barely noticeable and you sighted in relief. Sheepishly you followed her into the apartment where Hyejin was standing in the kitchen, looking at Yongsun and asking her silently whether she wanted her to stay or not.

“It’s ok.”

Yongsun whispered and Hyejin nodded before looking at you warningly and leaving the room.

A cold shudder ran down your spine and you made a mental note to never hurt Yongsun again because you were sure that her members wouldn’t shy back from slashing your tires or throwing eggs at your house.

“What do you have to say?”

Yongsun asked once you sat down on the couch and you gulped thickly.

Your words would significantly decide how the rest of your life would look like, but you had no idea how to start. What if she wouldn’t believe you?

“Um... I don’t really know how to start.”

You admitted while tugging at your sleeves nervously. Yongsun seemed to be equally on edge as you as she was shifting in her seat and avoiding your gaze. Silence thickened the air around you, and you felt like suffocating. Someone needed to make the first step.

“Did you cheat?”

Yongsun suddenly blurted out and although you were already prepared for her accusation, you felt your heart skip a beat.

“Of course not! I would never cheat on you, Yongsun. I know this stupid video looks bad, but Chaeyoung and I are just friends.”

You tried to justify yourself, but Yongsun’s eyes slowly filled with tears and your heart broke.

“So I’m supposed to just believe you, but you’re allowed to doubt my loyalty, because of Moonbyul?”

Yongsun asked agitatedly causing you to lunge forward and grab her hands reflexively.

“Please believe me, jagi.”

Her pet name left your mouth effortlessly, causing Yongsun to snap her eyes up to look at you.

“I’m sorry. I hadn’t meant to snap at you two days ago. But your constant flirting with Moonbyul had really gotten to me and I was so insecure. I don’t know why I accused you of cheating, I never even believed my own words.”

Tears suddenly started streaming down your cheeks while you poured your heart out and Yongsun tightened her grasp on your hand. When you felt her touch, all your dams broke, and you started crying uncontrollably. You would do anything to keep Yongsun in your life.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you.”

You sobbed and suddenly, you could feel arms wrapping around your body.

“It’s ok Y/N. I was wrong too. I should have never discarded your worries like that. But I have never even thought about cheating on you, especially not with Moonbyul, so your accusation really caught me off guard.”

Yongsun explained and you clung to her arms, because for a moment you had doubted that you would ever be able to feel her embrace again.

Relief washed over you as Yongsun kept kissing the top of your head and although you knew that it was unlikely, you hoped that the two of you would never fight again.

“Can we please never fight like that again?”

You begged and your girlfriend vehemently nodded.

“I guess we’ll always fight, but please don’t ever run away again.”

She responded, making you realize that you hadn’t been the only one that had suffered from the separation.

“Can we call the others now and watch TV?”

Hyejin’s voice suddenly cut through the silence and Yongsun and you both jumped in surprise.

“Have you been standing there the whole time?”

Yongsun asked perplexed when she realized that the maknae was lurking behind the half open door.

“What? This was better than every Kdrama.”

Hyejin answered nonchalantly while shuffling into the living room and plopping down beside the two of you.

Yongsun looked at her scandalized and immediately leaped to her feet to scold her. You definitely had enough drama for the day though, so you quickly pulled your girlfriend back into your arms and pressed a kiss on the crown of her head.

“You can call yourself lucky because Y/N is here.”

She grumbled under her breath in defeat, causing Hyejin and you to laugh loudly.

“I’m glad the old Yongsun is back again.”

The maknae chuckled and you pulled your girlfriend even closer.

Maybe you made each other lose your minds when you were together. But you’d rather go crazy with her than to ever live without her.

#mamamoo scenario #mamamoo #yongsun scenario #yongsun #solar scenario #solar #girl group scenario #girl group #kpop scenario #kpop #imagine

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honeypiehotchner · 5 years

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Beautiful Stranger (Chris Evans x OFC) -- part one

Hello again! This is a soulmate story. The general gist is you hear your soulmate’s laughter. I won’t say much more because it’ll all come with the story, but that’s the premise. This is in first person with an original female character (OFC), but it’ll also bounce around with third person to show some of Chris. Enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, depression, purposeful isolation, insecurities, etc. (Basically, if you want a completely happy story, this might not be for you!)

There’s something about all this soulmate business that makes my skin crawl. Blame it on my parents, blame it on my own insecurities that stemmed from my parents, or blame it on my own cynicism that I’m 99% sure I developed on my own time. Whatever is to blame, the idea of soulmates makes me want to crawl into a cave and never come back out again.

But I can’t do that. So, instead I settle for being “severely introverted” as my last therapist put it. We tiptoed around other phrases like “generalized anxiety” or “severe depression” but none of them seemed to stick.

I’ve since stopped seeing that therapist. I’m not depressed; I’m actually quite happy with the life I live. I’m not anxious; I just don’t particularly enjoy going out to parties and on dates with random strangers to fill my time. And I’m not introverted; I’m a homebody. Always have been.

“Okay, forget labels--” This wonderful, too-optimistic-for-her-own-good of a person is my best friend, Camile. “I’m just saying Bluebird--” That would be her nickname for me. “I think it could be good for you to get out.”

“I told you I don’t want to go out,” I absentmindedly reply to her. This conversation barely needs any effort anymore to continue because we have it so often. “Also, no offense, but I’d really rather not third wheel with you and Jack again.”

“Come on,” Camile whines. “You need to laugh! How do you think your soulmate feels?”

“I’m sure they’re fine,” I give her a tight smile. “And I will laugh. I’ll watch some John Mulaney tonight.”

Camile gives me a very, very tired look. “Fine. I’ll get you out of here at some point.” She pats the couch for emphasis. “Well, since you’re not going to come with me, I’m gonna go get ready.”

“Have fun,” I tell her, and I really do mean it. “Tell me all about it.”

“If you’d come with me I wouldn’t have to,” she presses further, grabbing her purse off the kitchen counter.

“Then where would I be? What would I do without our phone calls?”

“You’d be just fine,” Camile gives me a look. “And maybe you’d be with your soulmate.”

I scoff loudly, picking up the remote from beside me. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I think you’ve got me beat,” she pulls the front door open. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Looking forward to it.”

As promised, I pull up John Mulaney’s comedy special, The Comeback Kid. Halfway through the intro, though, I start to hear laughter again.

The idea of a soulmate might make me want to scream, but the sound of their laughter does not. It’s -- without sounding too cheesy -- music to my ears. It blocks out John Mulaney and all I can hear is the sweet melody that graces my ears a lot more often than I expect.

Whenever I do hear their laughter, it does make me feel a little guilty. I know I don’t laugh as much as I should, but laughter in my house as a kid wasn’t seen the way everyone else sees it. I still remember nights when my mom would throw things at the wall in frustration because dad was laughing -- wherever he was.

They absolutely could not stand one another. They tried to make it work, but it failed. It’s rare for that to happen -- for soulmates to despise one another, but it isn’t entirely impossible, either. As proven by my parents.

Another round of laughter fills my ears, this time a full on cackle. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re doubled over, either.

It’s enough that it makes me laugh, too, and as soon as I do, their laughter trickles away.

I stare blankly ahead, now suddenly aware of how loud John Mulaney is delivering jokes. And how deafening the silence is when it follows my soulmate’s laughter.

+++

“So, Chris, tell us about your new movie that’s coming out.”

Chris smiles and begins relaying the plot of the movie that his publicist told him he could say. He doesn’t mind doing press that much, but he thinks he’d mind it less if it wasn’t the same questions over and over again. And if he could actually talk about the movie itself.

Once he finishes, the interviewer cracks a joke, so Chris laughs -- it was actually funny -- and he has the sudden wandering thought of if his soulmate can hear him.

A few more teasers for the movie and then another joke comes, this one completely catching Chris off guard, so much so that he practically roars with laughter, and that’s when he hears it.

It’s faint, but then again all of the laughter he hears from his soulmate is this soft. Despite being so quiet, though, the little breath of a laugh still blocks out everything else, causing Chris to not hear a single word of the question he was asked.

Here comes the awkward part. “I’m so sorry man, I completely missed what you just asked me,” Chris apologizes. He doesn’t know why, but he keeps going, motioning to his ears and saying, “She was laughing again.”

Of course, this gets the crowd going. Chris almost never talks about his soulmate on camera. Part of the fact being that he hasn’t met her yet, and part of it being that he wants to keep her to himself. For as long as he can.

“No problem, no need to apologize,” the interviewer smiles. “We can run it again.” He motions to the crew to reset and while they’re doing that, he asks Chris, “Have you met her yet?”

“No, no, not yet,” Chris shakes his head, choosing his words carefully now. He can’t take away the fact that he brought her up, but he can tiptoe around it. “One day. Soon, hopefully.”

“She’s a very lucky woman,” the interviewer says, then getting the nod from the crew that they’re ready again. “Okay, so, Chris--”

And Chris almost misses the question again because all he can think is, I’m a very lucky man.

#Chris Evans #chris evans x original female character #chris evans x ofc #soulmate story #soulmates #chris evans soulmate #i don't know how else to tag this #mentions of anxiety #mentions of isolation

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imagine-loki · 5 years

Text

Broken Trigger Warning - Depression

TITLE: Broken

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: One-shot

AUTHOR: breemaggs

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki helping you through a new medication regimen. At first you don’t even tell Loki that you’re taking medication, you’re embarrassed and afraid that he’ll think you’re weak. Soon you can’t hide the exhaustion, the mood swings and the insomnia that occurs while you and your doctor attempt to find the perfect dosage. (Click to read the full imagine!)

RATING: M

NOTES/WARNINGS: Trigger Warning for discussion of depression. Rated M for language.

I was a zombie. No, I was past the zombie phase. I was just straight up exhausted. And I was starting to get frustrated. And distraught. This was supposed to be helping me. Instead it was making me worse.

And logically, I knew that new medication tended to make you dip before it picked you back up, but it had already been several weeks and two dose increases and things still weren’t better. I wanted to throw in the towel. It wasn’t working. I wasn’t sure it would ever work.

Patience, my psychiatrist said. And I knew she was right. Depression didn’t work on a time table and medication wasn’t magic. It took time to get the medication and dosage right. And giving up after two increases wasn’t going to get me anywhere. If the next one didn’t help... We’ll, then she agreed that we would need to try something different. But we weren’t there yet.

I knew recovery was a long road; I’d been walking it for years. I’d been through med changes. I’d been through the ups and downs. And the truth was... I was just tired. I was tired of trying. Tired of failing. Tired of fighting. Tired of pretending. Tired of everything. This exhaustion was deeper than just the physical symptoms.

And then there was all the effort that I put into my great act. My mask. That was another level of exhaustion. Pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t... That was hard. And I had been doing it for so long. I didn’t want to be strong anymore. I wasn’t sure I was even capable of being strong anymore.

I swiped at my leaking eyes and readjusted myself on the floor for the third time since I’d sat down. I tried to focus on the fireplace in front of me. The flames used to relax me. Now I just wished they would consume me. I sighed and cast a quick glance at the clock on the wall. Three-thirty in the morning. Witching hour. Just another reminder that I should be sleeping.

My boyfriend, Loki of Asgard, was having no trouble sleeping. Which was how I preferred it; that way he couldn’t see me like this. But he wasn’t stupid so I knew I that I probably didn’t have a lot of time until he figured it out. Or at least figured out that something was amiss, since he had no idea that I even had a mental illness, let alone one that was overrunning my entire life. So far I’d managed to get away with the excuse of getting up early for beating him out of bed. And makeup went a long way towards hiding the bags under my eyes. And bright smiles hid the pain behind my eyes. And after years of pretending, I was excellent at acting like everything was sunshine and daisies when it was anything but.

But, like I said, I knew it wouldn’t last forever. I wouldn’t be able to keep the act up much longer. I wouldn’t be able to hide behind my mask. Because I was slipping. I was starting to get irritated at the smallest things and it had already earned me more than a few strange looks from him.

Fuck. My eyes watered again and I dropped my head into my hands. When had it gotten so out of control? When had it started running my life? I didn’t know. I knew that I was ashamed and embarrassed.

Why can’t you just snap out of it? Other people have it so much worse than you. You’re being irrational.

I knew all of that! People had routinely thrown those phrases at me in the past. As if I wasn’t aware. As if I was willingly going through this. As if I was just trying to get attention. I choked back a sob. How could I possibly expect Loki to still love me after he found out about this? I was so broken.

I bit my lip, trying my best to keep quiet as the emotions engulfed me. I had never met anyone who actually understood what I was going through aside from my psychiatrist and counselor. But a part of me felt like they didn’t count. Because they were trained to understand and deal with these things. I’d never met another person outside of my treatment that understood. Even my own mother, the only family I had left, had walked away from me after my diagnosis.

Selfish, she had called me.

While I knew that that wasn’t true, the word still stung. And it still hurt that she didn’t even try to understand what I was going through. It had set the precedent for everyone else I had ever told. Relationships? Forget those. They always left after I opened up to them. So I stopped telling them.

And I had held true to that, refusing to give a voice to my pain in Loki’s presence. But it was all about to come crashing down.

I took a shuddering breath and tried to calm down. Freaking out was not going to help and it would probably just spin me into a panic attack. So I did my breathing exercises and closed my eyes. I hugged my knees to my chest and laid my head down on the surface the position created.

Maybe... maybe I could catch a few minutes of sleep... I just had to calm down. I had to relax. I had to breath. I had to remember that, no matter how bleak things seemed, the sun would rise in the morning. Maybe things would look better in the morning light. I gave a soft, cynical laugh. Things tended to look worse when the sun was shining, in my opinion. It was as if the sun was mocking me and my darkness with it’s bright light.

I started humming softly to myself as I rocked back and forth. I concentrated on my made up song and just let go. I just... let... go...

xoxo xoxo

I woke up violently. I came up swinging, my heart racing, confusion consuming me. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know what was going on.

“Shhh,” a voiced murmured. “It’s okay. Did you sleep here all night?”

Fuck. Understanding hit me like a truck. I must have passed out in front of the fireplace last night after my mini melt down. And I hadn’t gotten up before Loki. And now... I was propped up on the floor with my back against the couch. He was crouched in front of me. My bottom lip quivered at the implications. I had known my time was running out, but I thought I’d have a little more time than this.

I fought for normalcy. “No...?” Shit. That was the opposite of normal. “No. I got up early and I must have drifted off...” Better, but still not terribly believable.

I watched a frown twist on his lips. “What time did you get up? It’s only twenty after five.”

Double fuck. “Um, I’m not sure. I didn’t look at the clock. I got up to pee and then I just sat down...”

Ohhh, this was going downhill so fast. His frown deepened. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I felt my eyes well up. This was it. This was the end. I wasn’t going to be able to lie myself out of this one. I wasn’t going to be able to hold it together long enough to try. I bit my lip hard, trying to bring myself back to the moment.

“I guess I was having trouble sleeping,” I finally admitted quietly, dropping my head so that my hair fell into my eyes.

He didn’t say anything for what seemed like a long time. I’m sure it was no longer than thirty seconds or so. But it felt like a lifetime.

“Again? You haven’t slept more than a few hours a night for months.”

My heart dropped to my stomach with his words. Stupid! I was so stupid. Did I really think I would be able to fool a Norse God into believing my white lies? Especially this God. I should have known better. My throat burned with the effort of keeping my tears at bay. I slowly drew in a breath.

I didn’t know what to say.

His hand came up and tilted my head so that our eyes met. I slid my eyes away from his and he made a frustrated noise.

“Look at me.” His words were gentle, but commanding.

I lifted my eyes. What he saw in them, I’ll never know, but his jaw clenched and my heart spasmed. I wanted to look away, but found myself held captive in his eyes. There were so many emotions swirling in their depths that I couldn’t pick them apart.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you?” he asked softly.

“I...” My voice cracked. I tried again. “Not particularly...”

He sighed. “I have been very patient with you, love. But I cannot be patient when you are so distressed. Tell me how to help.”

I sobbed, but tried to swallow it. It came out garbled and I couldn’t bear to look at him any longer.

“You can’t,” I practically wailed. “It’s... Its just who I am.”

I began crying in earnest, my emotions taking me over completely. He sank down to the floor and pulled me into his lap. He whisked one hand through my hair soothingly while the other held me tight around my waist. He rocked me back and forth, singing to me quietly in another language. I fisted my hands in the material of his sleep shirt, sucking in desperate breaths as I tried to calm down for the second time this morning.

It took me much longer to come down this time around. Probably because there was more at stake. I licked my lips and tried not the think about it, lest I work myself up again. I felt Loki press a kiss to my forehead and almost lost it again.

“Please,” he entreated. “Let me help you. Tell me what’s wrong.”

I bit my lip. Did I dare? I shook my head slightly and he tightened his arms around me. Please. I just... I didn’t even know how to tell him. I didn’t even know what to tell him. There was so much...

“I can’t help if I don’t know. I want to, no, I need to help you,” he pleaded.

The raw emotion coloring his voice ended up making the decision for me. I opened my mouth and just started talking. It was word vomit that no one except my counselor had ever heard.

I apologized for lying to him. I told him that I didn’t want to lie to him, but I wanted to keep him. I told him about how I was worried he would be disgusted with me. I told him about my nightmares. I told him about the insomnia. I explained my mood swings. I told him about the new medication. I told him about my mother. I told him about counseling. I told him about everything.

I talked until I was hoarse. And he didn’t interrupt. He just held me and listened. It was far more therapeutic than I thought possible. I took a couple of deep breaths when I was done and closed my eyes, reveling in the relief coursing through me. And I tried very hard not to think about what Loki’s reaction would be.

It was a long time before he said anything.

“I’m proud of you.” He said it simply, as if it was just another fact of life. “It takes great courage to face your inner demons.”

I swallowed thickly, trying to comprehend what he was saying. “But... I’m broken.”

“No, you’re not. You’re a work in progress,” he corrected, loosening his grip and turning me in his lap until I was facing him. “That does not mean you are broken.”

I felt the tears form again, but these weren’t tears of sadness. They were a product of relief, pure and simple. This... this wasn’t rejection. This was validation. This was acceptance. This was... new.

His hands cradled my face, his expression serious. “I don’t want you to feel as if you need to hide from me. I will help you through this. You will get through this.”

I gave him a small smile and nodded. It was amazing how empowering it was to have someone in your corner. I had never known anything like it. I knew that I didn’t want to walk this path alone anymore. And I didn’t have to. Loki had made that much clear.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“You don’t have to thank me. I will always be there for you. You are stuck with me, I’m afraid.”

I gave a little giggle and met his eyes. They were no less intense, but they were shining brightly. He smiled at me before leaning in and planting a sweet kiss on my lips. It was soft and slow. It was the reassurance that I needed.

It was perfect.

Everything was going to be okay. Loki was right; I was going to get through this. And I was going to do it with him at my side.

It was more than I could have hoped for.

#God of Mischief #Lover #Submitted one shot #Angst #Loki #Imagine #submission #trigger warning #depression #broken #breemaggs

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magaprima · 5 years

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Part 1 Episode 5 Thoughts

“You abandoned me, Mother. You left me to rot inside the configuration”

Batibat does sound so much like a child here, her whole voice and demeanour is that of a child complaining to a Mother, a child injured or hurt by a Mother. The child who was forgotten to be picked up from school. It’s here that we can confirm that within this universe ‘mother of demons’ is not metaphor or ceremonial title, she has literally Mothered demons and, to some extent, been an actual Mother to them.

I imagine in the beginning Lilith was perhaps maternal (as her original ‘purpose’ of her creation was to be the all-mother as well all-wife. I also headcanon that she mothered natural witches in sleeping with mortals in those earlier days), but with the constant suffering of abuse and being repeatedly told that she isn’t yet worthy to be Queen, she had ‘learned’ that being maternal is soft and therefore weak, and, to survive her new existence, this prison that once looked like freedom, she has to harden herself, becoming not just the Mother of Demons, but a demoness herself, someone who can be uncaring, distancing herself and ‘abandoning’ her children.

I mean, she completely ignores Batibat’s accusation of abandonment. Lilith gives no admittance, no apology, she merely continues to insist that Sabrina must not be hurt. Her abuse and control at the hands of the Dark Lord is so deep, so long lasting and long suffering, that even in a confrontation with one of her demon children, she can only put Lucifer’s needs first and not her child’s.

When Batibat is ranting about making a symphony of nightmares and cracking the Spellmans open like eggs, Lilith purses her lips and looks away as she tries very hard not to roll her eyes, the imagine of tension and impatience. Lilith actually looks like a Mum dealing with an over-dramatic teenager, when you are trying your hardest not to cut them off or mock them, but you are thinking ‘you’re being ridiculous and over-dramatic’.

“The Dark Lord forbids. I forbid it” is like saying Your Father forbids it, your Mother forbids. The parental vibe is increased here, and Lilith seems to feeling her forbidding it has more weight than Satan’s, which again suggests that she was maternal and raised her children directly in the beginning, as she therefore feels her motherly instruction still carries weight.

The way Lilith rushes into the dreams in such a desperate panic that she literally bumps right into Ambrose does show her desperation to fix this, but it’s just so wonderfully comically done. Her shock at seeing him, her offence at walking into him. “I’m looking for someone. Not you” was the first line in the show, and one of the few at all I believe, where I genuinely laughed out loud. Especially as she looks so genuinely confused and indignant that she has walked into the wrong nightmare (Also as a side note, she reminds me a lot of the very fabulous Orla Brady here with the way they’ve styled her hair and costume).

She’s so hopeful and optimistic when she opens the door into Hilda’s dream. Like she really thinks she’s got the right place this time. I love this for two reasons. One, it’s funny, and for another, we see a glimpse of Lilith being herself, her thoughts and emotions are unguarded and I believe we see a little flash of who she was in the Beginning. The Lilith in those early days, the one that I theorise bore resemblance to Sabrina’s character. Despite Lilith fighting Adam and the False God, standing up for herself, etc, I believe she must have had a degree of innocence to her because she was brand new and also because she does end up falling for Satan’s manipulations, she wasn’t cynical and worldly enough to recognise another prison with different wrapping.

I just like the idea that here we see the briefest flash of that girl. I mean, obviously, now she looks like Mary Wardwell, but imagine that optimistic expression on the face of Lilith’s original image and it would further emphasis that innocent, hopeful side she had in those early days.

And then when she realises it’s the wrong dream again, she looks so tired and stressed. She is the image of ‘FFS’. Her ‘Have either of you....seen her?’ is so tense. She is clearly trying so hard to maintain that pleasant air, to keep the illusion alive, but for Satan’s sake, she just wants to find the fecking girl and get out of there.

“I’ll let you get back to it then” is so mocking and is followed by a look of complete bewilderment and disgust. Lilith really cannot comprehend on any level, no matter how small, why Hilda would be having sex dreams about Hawthorne. She believes all men are shitty, but the Principal is extra shitty so Lilith is so confused and horrified right now. And really, aren’t we all?

And then as she looks both ways as she leaves, physically trying to find Sabrina’s dream, you can’t help but think the woman is having a very bad day at work. I think her ‘finally!’ when she discovers Sabrina at last is genuine. She’s had enough dream wandering. But now we see her behaviour from the previous two dreams disappears as she now puts on her official Wardwell mask entirely for Sabrina’s sake as she knows there’s a strong chance she’ll remember this after she wakes up.

Her urgency at getting Sabrina out alive is so desperate, and we know this isn’t out of simple concern for the girl’s wellbeing. This is because she knows that if Sabrina dies then that means she has failed the Dark Lord, and then she’ll be in very serious and dangerous trouble. This isn’t just about saving Sabrina, it’s about saving Lilith too. Both their lives are at stake in this one moment.

“Self preservation, my dear, it’s the only thing that matters”

This line is so key, because this is the mantra which Lilith lives by now. This can be used to explain her entire motivations for everything she does. From bowing to the Dark Lord, kissing his feet, doing heinous things for him, agreeing to any task, changing the way she looks for him (which as a phrase in itself, despite this meaning taking on Wardwell’s look, is very much a key of abusive relationships where the woman has to change her style to suit his preferences) to sacrificing a large part of her own humanity, becoming a demoness instead of remaining only a witch (we know she’s still a witch as well, as she says ‘well, not only a witch’ in the finale. I theorise that she was like Hilda or Zelda originally, human but a witch. And then a lot of that humanity was replaced with ‘demon-anity’), pressing down emotions, becoming callous and calculated, sacrificing Sabrina for her own ends. All of it is to ensure that Lilith survives, because she knows what happens if she doesn’t fully engage self-preservation. She knows the dangers, she knows Satan’s wrath intimately, and then we also have that quote in the penultimate episode of Part Two, where she says ‘I’ll survive either way’, which is further proof that she has slowly learned that her priority has to be self-preservation at the cost of everything else (though she throws this all to the wind in the final episode, by colluding with Sabrina and then openly challenging Lucifer when she telekinetically grabs him).

"A gin-cleared mind, self-induced sleep and clear intent” is the best instruction for dream walking I have ever heard.

The way she digs that needle right into the Sabrina doll with such malicious intent does make me smile because you’ve got to love the petty vindictiveness on a comic level, but it’s also showing us how Lilith is more a victim of the patriarchal nightmare than she has yet to admit to herself. She is the victim who has become part of the problem, because by making Sabrina the enemy, when in fact she should be making Lucifer the enemy, is typical of internalised misogyny where women attack other woman. We actually see this a lot in the show, especially in Part 1, and I think it’s important because there are a hell of a lot of women out there who are unknowing perpetuating the female-oppressive patriarchy simply because it’s all they’ve known, they’re brainwashed by it (two of my aunts are frustrating proof of this) and so it makes it all the more important and groundbreaking when they start to part from this attitude and start supporting one another (Lilith/Sabrina, Hilda/Zelda (when Zelda stops putting her down), Prudence/Sabrina are the primary examples)

Lilith does entirely know Sabrina would turn up at the end; she’s dressed approprately for the visit. She has Wardwelled up with a modest high-necked nightgown, glasses on, but as she takes the glasses off and says ‘you’d better sit down then’, you can see Lilith already has a story and explanation in mind, possibly several. She be prepared.

#episode stuff #headcanons

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sleepykalena · 6 years

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“It’s not a problem if you don’t look up.”

I’m a POC and I love Jyn Erso.

And lately it seems like there are some folks (literally just a few folks, afaik) who seem keen on painting parts of the fandom with such a broad brush that their shouting has made their way into my corner. It’s such an angry brush, and I understand where the frustration comes from. But I’d like to remind anyone who’s bothered to actually look at this post:

Fandom is what you make of it.

I mean this in the intended sense as well as with regards to the things you create and put out there in the fandom itself. I don’t want to contribute to the anger or the fighting. I go out of my way to try and not pick fights with people. Yet somehow the fighting finds me. The real life has me tired. So tired. Between the Orange Skull, the racist white folk who decide to actively trash my POC friends and neighbors in one of the most liberal areas of the US, and politics within the industry I chose to have a career in, I just want to sit in my corner and do my thing on my own terms, with the people who’ve supported me, in my own little section of the Rebelcaptain fandom.

So here’s the thing about Jyn Erso, and why I love her so much: “it’s not a problem if you don’t look up.”

I have been raised as a second-generation Asian-American to keep my head down, stay quiet and don’t cause a stir, and just try and climb your way out of your social class and aim for a higher rung on the ladder. I was blessed to be raised with a level of privilege that the military comfortably provided me, with an income that brought food to the table and helped pay my tuition.

But that doesn’t change the atrocities committed against me as a female and a POC- the emotional manipulation, the sexual assault, the slurs thrown at me from people of all walks of life.

Regardless, I kept my head down and didn’t bother to “look up”. I literally do not like to look people in the eyes, because it implies I’m itching for a fight or a confrontation. I kept quiet where I could. I tried to make change where I was able to, knowing full well that it would make a difference. I would try my hardest to help others (and sometimes a little too hard if I think back on the last few months), only to find myself still beaten down by some other entity- be it the people I once trusted, by the powers that be in government, or even down to the people who try to fight for causes I also believe in. But if you piss me off enough, if you push my patience to the very edge and test me, then I will lose all sense of remorse for whatever I do unto you when I snap.

Jyn’s emotional development and attitudes aren’t too different from my own, and I love that this was written in to her character. Her character arc lines up so well with my own life and experiences that I will continue to write about her and draw her until my wrists break.

I also love Cassian Andor, but it has less to do with Diego Luna and more to do with my significant other (who, for the record, is also Latinx).

It seems expected that I would like him, given that I’m a rebelcaptain shipper, Lunatic, and likewise a fellow POC. But if it weren’t for my partner and all the qualities I see in him as I see them in Cassian, I don’t actually think I could be as fervent a rebelcaptain shipper as I am right now. Cassian’s brightest character points, as well as his darkest ones, are very easily found in my partner. In the same way that Cassian gave Jyn hope, my partner gives me hope in a world that deserves to be burning in the depths of whatever hell you happen to believe in. In the same way that Cassian internalizes all his character flaws, so too does my partner try his hardest not to dwell too much on the negative aspects about him. He’s quiet, a man of few words, and even fewer true ones. Cassian speaks just enough for people to be appeased, but the words carry little meaning, a ploy to comfort people to make sure he can live to fight another day. His words of honesty, of thoughts in his mind, are rare, and shared only to those he finds himself trusting. My partner is hardly any different.

But, if there’s anything he let himself admit to me, it’s that he loves that I’m there for him when he needs it, and that I’ve taught him to be less apathetic. Me, the cynic, the one bitter with the real world, had taught him to be less apathetic. Who’da thunk?

In every piece of fanfic I write, I almost inevitably fall back on this: Jyn teaches Cassian something that changes him for the better. It brings me immense joy to be told that I, a Jyn, had helped him, a Cassian, to be less apathetic, to care just a little bit more about his actions, how they affect others, and why he should take more effort to visibly care just a little bit more.

Is it a problematic trope? Sure, according to some of those folks in the fandom. But I write these stories because, for once, I made a difference to my partner’s life, to someone’s life. To me, Jyn teaching Cassian a thing is a result of her finally making a difference in a galaxy where she was inundated with the idea that her existence doesn’t matter, that what she does makes very little difference. My reasons for writing fic are intensely personal, and there are bits of me and my partner scattered in all of them, in various proportions.

What I don’t appreciate is being told that, as a POC and based on my personal experiences, my “silence” and refusal to be loud and join this tirade of sorts makes me complicit in what is allegedly rampant sexism and racism in the fandom.

Being a POC, particularly a WOC, puts a target on my back on the internet. I keep quiet, especially with regards to my racial identity, precisely because I know how dangerous it can be to open my mouth and scream too loudly into the void. Out of all the fights I want to pick, fandom “discourse” is far and away from my list of priorities. I’m busy trying to get my representatives in to make actual difference in my city, state, and country, informing myself for the broader problems that exist outside of this fandom, making money to put food on the table, etc. All I want to do is enjoy my corner of the fandom in peace, and not have an extra “duty” to fight this racial fight at the risk of looking like “a bad POC”. If anything, that puts an onus on POC to be “perfect” with all that preaching, and not only am I far from perfect, I also think that expectation is damaging to the movement as a whole.

Much like Jyn, you could ask me if I care not for the cause. Much like Jyn, I do. But, cynically, I have to say again: “It’s not a problem if you don’t look up”. Making that much noise to fight a cause is a huge waste of my time and effort because I’m surrounded by people who either 1) are so fully-formed in their development that they’re set in their ways and are otherwise unchangeable; 2) are already are aware of these issues and tropes, and thus I’d be preaching to the choir; or 3) don’t care for my existence because I’m not really a big name in the fandom.

But the biggest reason why I don’t make a huge noise about it is because fandom is what you make of it. These people literally have every right to write whatever trope they want, including exceedingly problematic ones, because- you guessed it- it’s their space too. I acknowledge that their presence exists and I refuse to share my space with them, but so long as you’ve written your line in the sand over your space, I won’t interfere with your space. Don’t interfere with mine. Any overlapping peers who happen to like us both are free to cross to and from the borders. My kink is not your kink, my headcanon is not your headcanon, but so what? I’ll still tell people to write that stuff anyway. Because that’s what they want to make of fandom, whether or not it’s canon/fanon, whether or not I like it.

I fight problematic tropes by setting an example. If kudos, views, notes, and comments are currency, then I, as one could phrase it, “talk with my money”. And believe me, some people have got me feeling pretty stingy. I think it’s far more effective to incite change in this small fandom by creating content that (hopefully) sets an example that inspires others to do things a little more like the way I do them, rather than trying to scream at people. I try my hardest not to adhere to these tropes or dynamics I find disagreeable. I boycott content from certain users if I find their presence and/or actions a threat to my enjoyment of the fandom. And I block people who regularly engage in fandom wank and abuse the tagging system. In a fandom that seems to be increasingly sensitive to note counts and feedback, my withholding of attention is a more than effective tool at showing people that I don’t like their stuff.

Does it create an echo chamber? You betcha! But this is my echo chamber; the real world is already looming over me with its own set of drama. Creating an echo chamber for my corner of the fandom and making a safe space out of it is something I deserve as a human being.

I’m relatively confident that others have taken the same policy and thus do not give me their attention to any of the things I’ve created. And that’s perfectly okay. It sucks, but it’s perfectly okay, because I don’t owe them my time just as much as they don’t owe me theirs.

I will fight by encouraging change to those in my purview in my own terms, in my own way. I refuse to be painted with this brush of being uncaring and complicit, especially when all I’ve seen from those people is hate against the enemies and very little uplifting, encouragement, and love to the ones they claim to fight for. I don’t even think they’ve read or liked a single thing I’ve ever made in the fandom; I am, in short, a POC not worth supporting. What’s more, their shouting had become so loud and so angry that I nearly cancelled a fic because it was a modern AU in which Cassian is Mexican-American and speaks Spanish off and on depending on the situation. I planned for him to speak Chicano English by default, but use Californian English whenever he’s outside his own home. I chose them because I think his identity and accent matter to the plot. These people, who were so fed up with the use of the Spanish language and Mexican identity for Cassian, had me scared to ever write this fic even though people I’ve discussed the story with insist that this upcoming fic is perfectly fine. It was hard to hear their support when the loudest voice in my head repeated all those gripes that other people had about the depiction of POC in the Rebelcaptain fandom, and it took several tries and a relentless barrage of support to give me back the courage to draft this fanfic, which has a huge socio-political slant specifically targeting the POC of the Rogue One squad.

The people who encouraged me to do it? Still predominantly white folk (and I deliberately choose not to use the word “women” here). I get support from people of different racial identities as well, no doubt (and one POC in particular comes to mind because she’s been my loudest supporter since I officially entered the fandom), but most of them have been white.

My corner of the fandom has been peaceful and the least problematic, and the people are, at their very core, truly lovely people. I’m sorry that people mistake my alleged silence for compliance. I’m sorry that people find my work so uninteresting that it’s not worth their time to give me their support. I’m sorry that some people are finding their corner of the fandom violated and full of toxicity that no amount of blocking can help matters.

But please, for the love of every deity in human existence, keep your anger away from my corner of the fandom. I only get a few hours each week to myself, and I’ve chosen to spend it here. I want to make each minute count. And the next minute, and the next, on and on until I’m satisfied with my contributions here, or until the minutes are spent. Let me love Jyn and Cassian in my own way. Let me celebrate their relationship in my own way. Let me fight my fight in my own way. If you don’t like it, that’s fine! Use that currency I mentioned earlier and take your money elsewhere. But do not dictate how I should act within my space and place expectations on me because I’m a POC, and do not make assumptions about my character.

#1 #2 #rebelcaptain #jyn erso #fandom wank #sleepy rambles #a hell of a lot #tl;dr: let me do fandom things on my own terms and gtfo my lawn please #to co-opt Chirrut's line:#let me pass in peace

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dereksmcgrath · 3 years

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How can a chapter feel simultaneously rushed and incomplete?

“Rest!!” My Hero Academia Chapter 327. By Kohei Horikoshi, translation by Caleb Cook, lettering by John Hunt. Available from Viz.

Spoilers for Chapter 23 of Blue Box.

Last weekend I wrote how the pacing was bizarre for that weekend’s releases of some Jump serials, not just My Hero Academia (as I’ll get to in this review) but also other publications like Magu-chan and Blue Box. And, spoilers for Blue Box, jeez, that pacing at the end of the newest chapter this weekend was odd--but at least odd in a way that heightens interest in the story, as opposed to odd in My Hero Academia where this chapter felt incomplete.

I wish I could say that was the reason I am delayed writing this review, but it’s not. A lot of other tasks (webinar, job applications and interviews) and writing projects (working on some “Episode 7 Rule” posts, getting some more stuff published) took up time before I could share this review. But because Chapter 327 feels incomplete, the fact that I also get to use today to read and write about Chapter 327 helps to round out an actually finished installment to this story, so my delay ended up being serendipitous.

(And make up your own joke that I needed to take a break before reviewing a chapter titled “Rest!!”)

But before we can get to what was complete in this story, we have to muck through this chapter, which still feels incomplete.

That’s not to say Chapter 327 is bad. I mean, some of the art looks a little off to me, especially Tokoyami and Mina talking after All Might leaves the dorms. And I could debate how valid that quotation in the image above is, but I think Izuku’s face already reveals that, no, self-care only takes you so far, when societal improvements are not being made so that, in his world, children are not having to take on the fights adults refused to, whereas in my world...children should not have to take on the fights adults refused to about climate change, bigotry, police violence, sexual harassment and violence, poverty, hunger...

...God, this manga about supervillains got sadly realistic, and I hate it. Izuku’s face up there is the look of someone who has seen some shit, and one bath is not going to help.

As with that one chapter of Magu-chan, the seams of the story are showing, and that hinders how I personally get enjoyment. It’s one thing to see how a story is put together and appreciate how well that works, from a critical perspective or if you’re trying to imitate such story practices in your own writing. But it’s another thing when you see the way a story is put together because something just isn’t connecting the parts of that story well. After how great the previous chapters have been with the slow-burn to Izuku’s return to UA, Ochaco’s speech, and actually seeing Izuku getting heartfelt welcomes back by Kota, that giant woman he rescued, and that starfish hair guy all the way from Chapter 1, the rest of this chapter feels rushed. It’s not like you could drag out a lot of this stuff: there’s only so much time you can have Izuku and the boys bathing. But there is so much to fit in: cleaning up Izuku, seeing how his classmates react to his return and his secrets, All Might’s arrival, what this means moving forward to stop Shigaraki, and what is up with Endeavor and Todoroki’s side story. It’s a lot--and nothing really feels like it gets what it needs. Just to tease out every last feeling every last classmate has to Izuku keeping his Quirklessness and One For All a secret would need a light novel chapter per character.

And speaking of the My Hero Academia light novels, at least I can give some points to Horikoshi, though, for doing a better job writing the boys bathing than Mineta peeping on the girls, or that inane joke in one of the light novels--in which the boys see who can last longest in the hot bath, because that tired exhausting trope of “kids do dumb things.” Ugh, at some point, I’m going to write about how to handle writing young people well in a story so it’s not that ridiculous trope of “young people make dumb mistakes” that some writers use to move the plot along. The only example I’ve seen where that works lately is Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun, and that’s because it doesn’t feel like those mistakes are to keep the plot moving but actually something innate to a character’s sense of justice or sentiment that, while foolish, is in competition with actual stakes, pros and cons, and part of the character’s core ethics, not just something ridiculous to get from plot point A to B. That light novel gag felt very much like “the boys have to do something stupid,” as opposed to “this is something that would make sense for the boys to do.” But I digress.

So, why do I give points to Horikoshi for this version of the bath gag? Because, as I am trying to say about Hanako-kun, this makes sense for how the characters would act, and moves the plot along. Bakugo struggling with what to call Izuku makes sense; Bakugo still being his rival makes sense; after how much character progression he has thankfully made by now, this late in the series, it makes sense that he is still going to regress to previous behavior. I’m grateful he regresses without verbally bullying Izuku (your mileage may vary whether he is still bullying him, though, and I’m open to being wrong on that point) and without physically attacking him (Bakugo cutting into Izuku’s head as a gag in the recent anime episode is still not funny).

But then the students ask about One For All and what Izuku has been going through--and we don’t get much more knowledge. Todoroki shuts down that discussion by saying he needs to get some sleep, so, again, that forestalls any discussion until probably some chapters in a future light novel.

Izuku is not ready for sleep yet, though, as he worries about how he treated All Might earlier. I’m not going to disagree that Izuku was not being kind to All Might, but what I appreciate about the moment is that, and forgive my phrasing, from both sides, it makes sense: Izuku was not as polite as he should have been but hardly as grimdark as many readers feared he would, and All Might was doing something kind for Izuku but has been failing to reach out to him. All of that character dynamic works.

But what hasn’t worked is how quickly their reunion and apologies are. It reminds me how quickly All Might insisted, after losing One For All for good, that he would be there for Izuku--and really wasn’t. All Might refused to introduce Izuku to Nighteye; All Might kept secrets about all that One For All could do; All Might was not there during the PLF Fight, and he knows he cannot be in the same role for Izuku while he’s playing vigilante. The apologies keep coming but aren’t really getting anywhere for these two characters, not before Izuku just passes out from exhaustion. There’s a lot left for these two, so no wonder people take that death flag from All Might peering in from the window to think he’s going to die soon and only then will he and Izuku have any meaningful resolution. Granted, the next chapter is going to go into more detail about All Might’s vestige inside One For All, so he won’t be quite dead, but that death cheat just makes this inability to resolve anything between the bad teacher and the disobedient student all the more frustrating.

At least Caleb Cook continues to translate some good gags out of Mina, such as when she criticizes All Might’s departure. But that only reinforces how empty his apologies feel when he speaks to the class, especially when he again has to run to pass on his intelligence to the police and probably Endeavor, which also makes all of this all the more infuriating because you would think that would be his first priority. I get the point of being there for his student--even if I still don’t think All Might has been--and it does characterize him well that of course he would go to his student first instead of passing on the intelligence from Stain first. But it also makes me want to shake All Might and tell him to get the intelligence to the police, given what we learn about it in the next chapter. So, again, the seams of the story are showing: Horikoshi delays revealing what All Might has learned until that chapter is ready to share with readers.

And that news from Stain is probably going to disrupt any of Jiro’s plans for a concert, and, yeah, after a weekend in my real world where concerts got more attention than reproductive rights marches throughout the United States, you’ll forgive me if I don’t care much about this plot point. Heck, comics, as a silent medium, invoking music, has always been a bizarre choice for me: that works for the animated series, but for the comics, it’s hard to translate that auditory medium to a visual one.

Then we wrap up the chapter with an exposition dump about Stain’s intelligence. When I first read this chapter, before Chapter 328 came out, this felt like an abrupt ending. Realizing this ending leads naturally to the next chapter, to show what Stain was up to at Tartarus, doesn’t make it work any better for me. Invoking the “we have one month to stop Shigaraki” rule, only to break it in the next chapter and reveal they have three days, is a more cynical method of the “don’t cross the streams” rule from Ghostbusters: this exists to set up a rule to then break it so that the protagonists’ chances of success dwindle further.

It bothers me because I have seen this done better elsewhere. The final season of Avatar: The Last Airbender wraps up with Zuko learning the Gaang has decided to wait until after Sozin’s Comet, thinking they’ll have a better chance. That makes sense, and while the Gaang’s plan is a final-episode reveal, it fits with their strategy: Aang couldn’t take on the Fire Nation when it was depowered, so taking them on when they are fully powered and he hasn’t perfected his fire skills is a practical approach. Then Zuko reveals that the deadline has to be moved up, because his father will take over the world during the Comet, something Zuko didn’t tell them until now because he already thought the plan was to stop the Fire Nation before the Comet, so why would scaring them help? This was a failure of communication on the part of both parties, and it introduced the rules--”Wait until after the Comet” and “No, attack before the Comet”--at the same time that it disrupted those rules, so we as the audience were not manipulated for a cynical gotcha moment. And that’s what My Hero Academia has done.

For the longest time My Hero Academia kept repeating that Shigaraki would need two months to increase his power. In the next chapter we learn they overestimated that time, and they got three days left. This feels rushed, as rushed as how this chapter was to wrap up Izuku’s return to UA, All Might’s apology, and the Class 1-A reunion. And I just didn’t like it. More was needed to give this chapter some meat, and it just isn’t here. The next chapter, thankfully, is better, given some payoff to what this chapter sets up, as well as a hint of things to come, but on its own, this chapter is like the first half of an anime episode, rather than a complete package.

#my hero academia #manga review #mha spoilers #izuku midoriya #all might

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fuckingchatnoir · 7 years

Text

Fanboy Chapter 6

Ao3 link

Full chapter below the cut

Chapter 11 of “The Empty Streets of Paris”

--by FelineGood16 on FanWorkz.net

“You think you two can actually defeat Hawkmoth?” The akumatized victim laughs wickedly, his eyes never leaving the two heroes. His arms are still tied behind his back tightly by Ladybug’s lucky charmed slinky toy. He’s absolutely defenseless, yet still holds his confident bravado. Chat Noir wonders what kind of words the cynical man put into the brain-washed civilian’s mind that made him say such a thing.

Ladybug doesn’t reply, her eyebrows furrowing instead as she walks herself closer to him. She bends down to his level and he scowls at her. She continues to stare at him in observation, her eyes scanning his attire and weapons quickly.

“I think the akuma is in his hat.” She finally says, her comment directed at Felix.

He continues to stand right behind her, his arms crossed over his chest. He’s not liking the way the victim is looking at him now, his expression trying to intimidate the hero.

“Even if you beat me, Ladybug, Hawkmoth will return with another champion. He won’t stop until you both are defeated. Don’t you understand?!”

The blond turns his gaze to his Lady’s pigtails.

“I think it’s there too.” He finally responds.

He sees her nod without further acknowledgement before she snatches the man’s cap and rips it apart with her bare hands in a seemingly angry manner. The butterfly escapes and the heroine readies her yo-yo.

“You will lose and Hawkmoth will prevail! Just you wa-“

“No more evil-doing for you little akuma!” She yells louder than usual, trying to drown out the sound of the other man.

“Evil will reign supreme and you children will peri-“

“Time to de-evilize!”

Before the man is able to get another word out, Ladybug finally encloses the butterfly in her yo-yo before releasing it back into the world purified.

They win yet again, though Felix feels his hands squeeze his own biceps tensely, the man’s words still stirring in his stomach.

Chat ran on his fours to catch up to his Lady, the akuma’s bright pink sweater in her left hand and her yo-yo in her right. She was breathless and tired, the blond noticed. This akuma wasn’t the easiest to capture. Not only were her powers difficult to dodge but her costume was also complex to the point where the two superheroes spent about half an hour just trying to figure out which item held that damned butterfly.

“Why did she have to knit?! Of all things!” Ladybug complained, looking back from time-to-time to make sure the akuma wasn’t too close behind.

“I know, right?! Hawkmoth must’ve really flipped a stitch the last time we beat him.”

She glanced over at him, giving him a quick scowl before continuing.

“If it’s not the sweater, what do you think it could be?” She asked, turning right and jumping over a car like it was nothing.

She’s so awesome.

“Well, we already tried her needles and her mittens. Maybe those blue socks?”

She groaned and he kept looking at her as he ran, trying to read her mind.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Getting this thing off her was already hard enough. I don’t even know how’d we able to get something off her feet.”

Her Miraculous beeped again and the victim started screaming from behind, citizens continuing to hide and panic all around them.

“Ladybug, sweetie! Stop running, I just want to KNIT YOU SOMETHING!”

Chat gulped.

The victim could knit around individuals in an accelerated manner, making them completely immobile due to the constraint of the garments. And both him and his partner did not have that sort of time to try to get out of that situation.

His limbs were starting to get a little too tired from their sprint and he desperately need a breather. He could tell that Ladybug did too, so he finally took it upon himself to grab onto her wrist and pull her into the nearest alleyway he could find.

She tried to say something immediately, probably ask what his plan was, but she was breathing too heavily to do so, her hands on her knees with her yo-yo and the sweater dangling from her hold. She looked exhausted and Adrien knew that he didn’t look any better.

“What…what are-“ She began, her eyes squinted and directly on him.

He quickly put his hand over her mouth and lead them behind a dumpster nearby, forcing them to both kneel on the floor, cutting her off completely.

“She’s here.” He whispered, popping his head out slightly to see if he could see her.

Luckily, the woman didn’t see nor hear them and passed by the alleyway in ignorance.

He released his hand from his partner’s mouth and they both let their bodies slide down against the brick walls, Adrien wiping the sweat off his forehead.

Her earrings beeped again.

“My Lady, are you able to-“

She nodded slowly before taking a deep breath and ripping apart the atrocious looking sweater. Relieved laughter filled the air at the sight of the manipulated insect and the heroine got back up on her feet, dropping the remains of the garment on the floor.

She went through the whole purifying process and Adrien watched every last second of it in the silence of the empty alley. It was just the two of them there, and his stomach felt like it was fluttering. She looked completely disheveled. Strands of hair were slipping out from her scrunchies, her cheeks flushed from the heat and exercise, her bangs fell over her sparkling blue eyes, and damn, Adrien had never seen anyone more beautiful. He felt like his heart was going to leap out from his chest and he was so far gone he felt like he was floating.

Once the now whitened butterfly was released, she rapidly turned to look at him. He was still sat down on the ground so he got himself up.

“You still have it right?”

He nodded before going to the small right pocket on the upper part of his suit and unzipping it, taking out the small button that was used. It was red and polka-dotted and Chat wished he was able to keep it, but handed it to his Lady before dwelling on the thought any longer.

She gave him a small smile before she threw it in the air and yelled out her signature phrase.

Chat wished he had more time with the girl.

The day was saved once more and the two did their routine fist bump very quickly before that annoying beeping came about again. She had one spot left before she would transform back. Times like that always made Chat both hopeful and saddened.

Hopeful because his heart told him that maybe that day would finally be the day he found her out. But saddened because his mind would then proceed to remind him of the reality of the situation and the kind of hero the love of his life was.

“I’m about to de-transform, so can you maybe talk to the victim for the both of us? I really have to go, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, not a problem. Your wish is my command, my Lady.”

“Much appreciated, Chaton.”

She saluted endearingly and began to step away from him, getting her yo-yo ready to jump away. But Chat was a pining fool and wanted to hear at least one more thing from her that day, so he took a deep breath and brought his right hand to his heart shyly.

“Ladybug, wait!”

She lowered her arms back to the sides of her body and turned back to look at him, cocking a questioning brow. Her blue eyes were wide and alert, and her fingers screamed impatience and hesitation as they formed into a fist.

“Patrol is still on this Wednesday, right?”

They always had patrol on a Wednesday every other week, and he knew that nothing was going to change that unless one of them traveled or was ill. However, he still wanted to hear her say it. He took it as a promise from her that she’d see him again.

Her shoulders eased for just a second.

“Oh, you just reminded me! I actually have a thing I have to go to that day so I can’t. Sunday I’ll be able to though.”

“A thing?” He asked.

Their patrols were usually late at night. What sort of event did she have at that hour?

“Uh yeah. I’m sorry, Chat. But I really have to go.”

He ducked his head solemnly.

“Is…is it another secret mission you won’t tell me about or is it personal?”

She didn’t respond and he glanced back up at her, her expression unreadable.

“I’ll see you Sunday.” She whispered before finally going off, not allowing her partner another word.

Adrien continued to stare down at his phone quietly in the car. It was almost time for the dinner with his father’s photographer and he was far from excited. He was dressed like some sort of trophy, the golden tie his father picked out practically yelling out his lack of independence. He wasn’t sure what to expect from this evening, how bored he was going to be. However, he knew that whatever he felt didn’t matter. He was there for his dad and had to present himself accordingly. And to make matters worse, Monsieur Fournier was bringing his son along as well. And if his offspring was going to be anything like the man, then Adrien knew he was going to have a very long and frustrating night ahead of him.

Though silent, the Gorilla seemed to understand his already sour mood and turned on the radio. His bodyguard wasn’t too fond of playing music in the car since he seemed to always want to keep his focus on their surroundings. However, when he did decide to blare out some tunes, Adrien automatically knew that the man wanted to reassure him in his own way. Tell him to stay positive and that the day is going to end at some point. He sighed and nodded in acknowledgment at that fact before reading the text he’d just received.

From: DJ Lahiffe

Dude, if anything just text me the whole time. I’m free all night.

Adrien had been texting Nino for the last hour, his friend still attempting to lighten up the mood. Even though he still wasn’t overjoyed with his current situation, the brunette’s messages did make him feel a tad better about everything. They – in a way- anchored his feet to the ground, reminding him that though his father wasn’t normal, he wasn’t normal, his situation wasn’t normal, his whole life in general wasn’t really normal, that Nino was a new normal in his life that also happened to be his friend. So, it couldn’t all be that bad.

To: DJ Lahiffe

Wish I could, but I can’t. My dad would probably have my head if he saw me on my phone.

From: DJ Lahiffe

Well maybe this Nolan kid won’t be that bad?

Adrien found himself snorting at that, his few experiences with Nolan’s father beginning to play in his mind again like some horrible horror movie you can’t turn off.

To: DJ Lahiffe

Maybe. Maybe not. His dad tripped a model once when she asked him directions to the bathroom.

From: DJ Lahiffe

Bro, seriously??!!?? Okay, so he’s an ass. But that doesn’t mean his son is.

To: DJ Lahiffe

I guess I’ll see. Almost at the restaurant. I’ll talk to you later?

From: DJ Lahiffe

Yeah, dude of course! Text me all the deets when you get out of there.

From: DJ Lahiffe

Try to be chill. And if they act like jerks remember that it’s on ‘them’ and has nothing to do with you. They’ll be missing out.

To: DJ Lahiffe

Bro, do you want me to start crying in this car right now?? Omg??!!??

To: DJ Lahiffe

And you wonder why you’re the mom of the squad

From: DJ Lahiffe

I take everything back. You’re a terrible friend and I hate you.

From: DJ Lahiffe

I hope you have a good time.

To: DJ Lahiffe

<3 <3 <3 <3

From: DJ Lahiffe

SHUT IT.

Adrien arrived at the restaurant soon after, his hand unconsciously sliding into the inside pocket of his jacket to make sure Plagg was still there. He knew he was but he was damn nervous and needed a reminder that he wasn’t truly going to be alone that night.

But of course, Plagg didn’t even flinch when he poked him, meaning that the small god was napping. And when Plagg napped, that meant that he would be in a deep slumber for hours unless Adrien dangled camembert in front of his face. The kwami started to weigh like a small brick in his jacket the deeper into his sleep he got and Adrien immediately rolled his eyes and muttered an ‘of course’ before the Gorilla finally opened his car door for him.

Looked like he was completely on his own.

He met up with Gabriel at the entrance, posing for a few pictures with the man before the waiter at the front finally led them inside. His father was quiet, having only spared him a glance and a nod when they met eyes for the first time that evening. Gabriel seemed more serious than usual and Adrien found that his hands were beginning to sweat.

They were lead to a table that had more cloth than his own bedsheets and Adrien immediately started to drink his glass of water as soon as he sat down. Gabriel dismissed the waiter and checked both of his phones, his expression still the same.

Adrien wished the man would talk first. But he knew that he wouldn’t. So instead he cleared his throat.

“Father, has Monsieur Fournier arrived yet?”

Gabriel texted through his business phone with only his right hand, still not looking at his son.

“He’s running late. One of his clients took too much of his time.”

“Ah.” He replied awkwardly, his silverware seeming to be the most interesting and less frightening thing in the room.

“Adrien.”

His head snapped up on command.

“Yes?”

“Fournier told me that his son enjoys socializing and has many stories to tell.” the man was looking at him now and Adrien had been mentally praying that Nino may have made a good point. That maybe this Nolan guy wouldn’t be as bad as his father. That maybe he could even be a good kid. But his father’s eyes were telling him different and Adrien’s hands formed into fists on his lap, hidden by the overwhelming tablecloth.

“I see.” He whispered, a sigh lodged in his throat.

So, don’t talk and just listen. Got it.

Can’t wait.

They didn’t say anything else to each other until the two other men finally arrived, Adrien’s smile almost as forced as his father’s.

The greetings were abrupt and short, Adrien having noticed the unnecessary tightness of Nolan’s grip when they shook hands. The older boy’s blue eyes stared straight into Adrien’s as if it was honorable of him to do such a simple thing in the first place.

Adrien wanted to go home.

Fournier spoke first, making small talk with the two of them for a while before they dived into any kind of real conversation. And once they all finally ordered their meals, the four of them seemed to part into separate discussions. Fournier stuck with his father and Nolan turned his head to Adrien in almost an instant. The small table seemed divided, yet Adrien felt more surrounded than before.

He took another sip of his water as the brunette began to speak to him, nodding every once in a while, and shooting the kid a forced grin to be polite and to show him that he was listening. And he was, because that was just the kind of person Adrien was, but he wished he didn’t have to.

“So, you see, Adrien, my hair used to be much lighter than this. But darker hair is back in style and if I want to become a model I have to follow along with the trends, you know?”

Adrien nodded, though he did not really understand what he was hearing. This was a topic Chloe would get into, and as much as the girl frustrated him at times, he still would much rather be in her company than this guy that was more materialistic than a child on Christmas.

“I wasn’t aware of that trend.” He responded.

Nolan’s eyes went straight to Adrien’s hair and he quickly covered his mouth before chuckling. It was one of the most annoying sounds Adrien had ever heard.

“Yeah, I can see that.”

Adrien almost rolled his eyes at his remark, but chuckled along instead when he felt his father’s gaze upon him. And that’s how most of the dinner went on. Nolan and his father talked and talked while inserting a few subtle insults here-and-there, and Adrien had to continue treating them with respect. He had to continue smiling even though he was getting more and more tempted to just walk out and head to Nino’s to rant and watch some movies together.

At least the food was good.

“Did you two see how reckless that spotted girl was the other day,” Fournier began, his sentence directed this time at both him and his father. They were still waiting for their third course to arrive and Adrien was feeling less hungry by the second. “Her mindset is absolutely juvenile.”

The blond felt his shoulders tense immediately, the atmosphere seeming to chill quite considerably in less than a second.

He was talking about Ladybug.

“Well, she does seem to be pretty young, father. I mean have you seen her hairstyle? She probably thinks she’s still ten.” Nolan added in, another pretentious chuckle escaping his mouth.

God, they’re ignorant. They’re so freaking ignorant.

Adrien was frozen in place; his eyes bore into the photographer sitting in front of him. They were unknowingly provoking him and it felt absolutely agonizing having to bite his tongue.

“You’ve got that right. And did you see how she handled that last akuma, Gabriel? She practically was unclothing the damn woman in front of all of Paris. The woman has no shred of decency in her, yet we must entrust her to protect us? What has Paris become?!”

Adrien’s fingernails were digging into his palms.

She did all of that to find the akuma, to protect people like you.

Gabriel hummed in agreement and Adrien was getting angry. However, neither of them seemed to notice since they continued bashing the love of his life right to his face. If they only knew who they were complaining to.

“If it wasn’t for that power of hers then do you know how many of our buildings would be completely damaged? How much money Paris would have to invest to repair everything?!”

She did what she had to in order to save everyone. Not even one citizen has died because of her.

“She’s incompetent.”

She isn’t.

“And unreliable in my opinion.”

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

He tried to calm himself, his mind reeling with what he should do. What he could do. These two ungrateful individuals were insulting his Lady and he wanted to defend her, set them in their places. But his father also needed to hire this guy and he didn’t want to disappoint the man.

Man, Nino’s right. This guy is a major ass.

He mentally cursed at his own hesitation, disappointed with himself. If Marinette could defend Chat Noir in front of the whole class without even a second thought, why couldn’t he find the courage to at least change the subject?

Damn, if Marinette were in his shoes he knew that she’d probably give them a piece of her mind, defending Ladybug as she deserved to be defended. He remembered that day at the café Marinette explained to him that she didn’t like when people didn’t receive the recognition they deserved. That she didn’t believe it to be just. And he couldn’t agree more. Especially at that moment.

“I’m actually surprised that the Hawkmoth fellow hasn’t captured one of those bizarre pieces of jewelry yet. He seems to be more efficient than either one of those children I’ll tell you that much.”

Gabriel opened his mouth to reply, probably to agree with the man’s seemingly treasonous comment. But Adrien couldn’t stand by anymore. Not with a remark like that.

“She’s… saved our lives.” He whispered at first, his confidence burning his chest.

He couldn’t even look at his father, but he didn’t care at that moment. He was a hero. And heroes wouldn’t stand by and listen to that. It almost sounded like the man and his son were on Hawkmoth’s side. And if he allowed him to speak further on the matter he probably would admit that he was.

“Adrien-“ His father began, his voice calm but hinted an angry consequential promise.

“No, Gabriel. Let your boy explain himself. This conversation is open to everyone in this table, right?”

Adrien’s hands were still hidden under the tablecloth and he was playing with his ring nervously. Fournier had a smug smile on his face that looked as if he just placed a bet that he knew he was going to win.

What would Marinette do?

What would Chat Noir do?

“Hawkmoth has tried to kill people. He’s akumatized children,” He continued on, Fournier’s brown eyes seeming to darken under the chandelier’s intense light. “These victims are too powerful for the police to handle, so without her, we’d all be goners.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yes.” He quickly responded, his next words seeming rather difficult to spill out from his lips since he knew they carried negative repercussions.

“Just ask my father. A few months ago, Hawkmoth’s victim was after him, even made it passed our defense system in our home. But she saved his life, our lives.”

Fournier stood silent. His smile was disappearing.

“So, you should be thankful.”

He finally glanced over at his father, and he immediately tensed at his expression. His mouth was in a guarded frown and his eyes were refusing to meet the blond.

He was in deep trouble.

Adrien gulped.

Maybe I went a little too far?

The table was silent for a few seconds before the waiter returned with their dishes. Adrien wasn’t feeling hungry anymore but ate anyway to fill the silence.

“That’s quite a son you have there, Gabriel.” Fournier finally said before stuffing a forkful of salad into his mouth, his voice drenched with sarcasm.

“Thank you.”

Gabriel rode back home with him. The two sat in the backseat and Adrien was just waiting for the man to finally speak up. He was out of line and they both knew that he didn’t regret what he did.

Adrien sort of felt bad that the Gorilla was going to have to witness all of it. But then again, he always had to listen to their arguments that should’ve been private but never were.

“You disobeyed me.” The man finally began.

Adrien looked at him because he had to and saw his eyes burning into his. He knew that Plagg was awake in his pocket.

“Father, I-“

“I’m not done speaking.” His voice was so monotone and emotionless when he was angry with the blond, and that’s what always made it that much more frightening.

“I asked you to behave. To just eat and listen. But you just had to make a scene. We were there on business, Adrien. Do you believe that what you did was professional behavior?”

He knew his father had a point there, but he also knew that Fournier and his son’s behavior weren’t acceptable either. And that’s what was starting to piss him off. He was the only one getting scolded.

However, he still bowed his head slightly and spoke a defeated and soft “No.” that was barely audible in the silence of the car.

“I want you to email him an apology for your outburst. Tell him that you were feeling ill and that it was clouding your judgement.”

“But I wasn’t-“

“And you will do so by tomorrow night. Do I make myself clear?”

They were almost home and Adrien wanted to hide.

“Yes.”

Gabriel nodded.

Adrien was hurt, angry, and completely vulnerable. However, he decided to bare himself once again to the man, his voice hesitant.

“Father,” He muttered. “Do you think what he said was right? Did you really agree with him?”

“This isn’t about right or wrong or about what I think. This is about you being disobedient and acting selfishly. Do you know how your behavior made me look?”

The teen didn’t say anything.

“I looked as if I had no control over my own child. That I allow you and raised you to act so recklessly. What an embarrassment of a night this was.”

The car finally halted and the sounds of the gates opening made the whole conversation seem much more routine and casual then it actually was. Plagg started to wiggle slightly in place, letting him know that he was there. Or to possibly notify him that he was hungry, Adrien didn’t really care at that moment.

“Of course. My apologies, sir.”

The teen didn’t give his bodyguard any time to open his door. He opened it himself and walked as quickly as he could to the front of his home, Nathalie ringing him in and allowing the front doors to automatically open.

He ran to his room with no one following behind.

He quickly shut his room door behind him and went to his bed, sitting at the edge with his hands immediately going to his hair, his head ducked in anger and shame. He felt Plagg float out from his pocket but still didn’t look at him, his eyes closed.

“Kid-“

“Didn’t you hear what they said in the restaurant, Plagg?! Was I really in the wrong for standing up for her, for Paris?”

He didn’t really want an answer, his mind just wanting to empty out his thoughts into the void so everything felt less constricting. And Plagg understood that. The kwami didn’t respond and instead rested on his shoulder.

Adrien’s hands were covering his face now and he was tearing up from frustration; He hated it, but he also couldn’t help what he was feeling. He wanted to talk to someone, spill what he felt, but he couldn’t. Plagg would listen, yes. But his friend was never good at really consoling him in times like that and Adrien needed someone to brighten up the mood or at least try.

A part of him wanted to text Nino since his friend was always so positive and charismatic, but it was late and he didn’t want to burden him with the news. When Adrien was down, Nino would get down too and he didn’t like seeing the brunette with a frown on his face. His next thought was Chloe. His childhood friend was tough and harsh, he admitted, but if he told her about everything she’d back up Adrien and probably understand why he defended ladybug in the first place. That would make him feel better. But, she’d most likely ask her father to call Fournier the next day and get him fired or something equally as irrational and that would make matters much worse.

He missed his mom.

He sniffled before he finally rubbed his tired eyes and sat himself up.

“Your cheese should be by the computers, buddy.” He whispered, scratching the top of the god’s head gently to signal him to go on and eat. He wanted to take off his jacket anyway. It was freezing outside and the sprinkling rain from earlier wet his attire slightly. If he was going to pity himself he might as well do it in sweats. Besides, the weather seemed to be picking up more and more since he started hearing thunder, so being in comfortable clothing would probably be much warmer for him. Especially since two of his windows were a tad open and he was too lazy to close them.

He got changed as the kwami began to eat silently beside his desktops. The abrupt sound of the water droplets hitting his window made his limbs feel sleepy and Adrien wondered if his father was still as riled up as he was about the whole situation. What would the man say if he went up to his room to talk to him?

Was he still mad?

Adrien sighed, he probably was.

“Kid, words keeping popping up on those things. I think you should check it out.” Plagg suddenly mumbled before swallowing another piece of camembert.

The blond glanced over at his left to see how his screens were lit up with several email notifications at the bottom. He forgot to turn off his computers before he left.

“Hmm. I think they’re comments for my last chapter.” He stated aloud, mostly to himself.

He bent down slightly once he reached the computers, refusing to sit down since he wanted to take just a brief peek at the several notifications, his eyes skimming them.

“There’s a comment thread.”

“A what?”

His eyes squinted and his brows furrowed as he began to read all the comments and replies from a conversation that a few of his readers were having on his chapter. His chest was beginning to hurt again at the negative possibilities and he didn’t notice that he held his breath.

Chapter 11 of “The Empty Streets of Paris”

--by FelineGood16 on FanWorkz.net

Comments (147)

marvelluv92: omg!!! I seriously thought Chat Noir was going to get hurt in this chap?!!?? I mean I think it would’ve been angsty ;D but also I liked how realistic the fight was! Can’t wait for the next update ;P

book_fangirl: Saw that this fic outranked ‘Late Night Hour’ and my expectations were pretty high but yeah lmao.

Chat-Noir_Me0w (Reply): @book_fangirl But yeah what?

book_fangirl (Reply): @Chat-Noir_Me0w I don’t really see why it’s ranked higher than ‘Late Night Hour’. I mean FrenchBeauty95 writes like an actual published author and this fic is just slow? And I’ve seen a lot of mistakes. Though small but yeah it bothers me lmao.

TulipPrincessOfNYC87 (Reply): @book_fangirl It’s fanfic. It’s doesn’t have to be perfect. Besides, it seems like FelineGood16 doesn’t have a beta reader. She probably just misses a few things when she proofreads. Lmao.~

Chat-Noir_Me0w (Reply): @book_fangirl I see what you mean. I mean by chapter 11 in ‘Late Night Hour’ Felix had already confessed. And the plot does seem a bit more developed… but I like this fic too.

book_fangirl (Reply): @TulipPrincessOfNYC87, @Chat-Noir_Me0w Even if she had a beta it still wouldn’t have blown my mind. I’ve read fics with less than a thousand reads that are better. Just saying that I don’t really get the hype. And yeah, it is waaay more developed. I think I’m going to re-read it right now actually :-)

Adrien’s lips were parted as he reread the thread, his heart feeling battered. He wasn’t good enough for his father today. And it looked like his own writing wasn’t good enough either. He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to focus on what was happening, so before he knew it he was already saying “Claws out.” after he finally inhaled a heavy breath.

He heard Plagg make a startled noise, but he didn’t give the kwami time to say much more. He was sad, angry, frustrated, and all his emotions were beginning to feel irrepressible. Once he felt his face finally concealed behind his mask, he made his way to one of the open windows and pushed it further with his gloved hand. His baton was now in his grip and he extended it so and felt himself fly and jump throughout the night sky.

Thankfully, it was pouring heavily so the streets were practically empty besides the few tourists that were seemingly trying to look for their hotel. He was all alone by his own will and he took advantage of that fact. He jumped from rooftop to rooftop, testing the power of his baton by extending it as long as he could to give him higher jumps and more momentum. He wanted to get closer to the rain, enjoyed the heat that his adrenaline was giving his body. He kept going until he felt out of breath, only stopping to inhale, and jumping back into action immediately after.

When he thought of his dad he jumped. When he thought of his story he ran. When he thought of his mother he landed. And so, went the passing minutes, Adrien having been no longer aware of the time or how long he’d been out. He finally rested for a while on the roof of some building he didn’t care too much to think about. He laid flat on his back, his body resting in a puddle that was formed by the ongoing storm. He was soaked to the bone and his hair strands were blocking his eyes.

He moved them aside lazily and felt his chest rising up and falling along with his rapid breaths. He was exhausted, freezing, and even a little hungry, but he still refused to go back home. He wouldn’t have minded resting on that rooftop for a while longer but he knew that he was going to get sick and began to feel guilty about taking advantage of Plagg the way he had.

He got up and moved again, though much slower than before. The events of that night were still in his mind and he found that rather annoying. The teen wondered if Ladybug had days like that, where she transformed to get away from everything for a while.

Was her home as empty as his?

He really hoped it wasn’t.

Chat was shivering now, horribly, and he knew that he needed to find shelter quickly before he froze. The reasonable part of him was yelling at him to just go home, shower, and sleep in his comfortable bed. But the other part, the hurt one, was still pulling him to god knows where and he couldn’t help but follow along. That part promised him quick relief and he needed that more than any blanket.

However, when he arrived at Marinette’s balcony he began to question his own judgment.

Why am I here?

Even though his classmate was nowhere near her balcony, he still hid in the shadows, his arms wrapped around himself. He wanted to question his choices, form a plan as to what he would even say to Marinette if she was awake and would even let him in. The girl already knew about his fanfiction, what if she gave him that reassuring Marinette smile and he spilled details that he shouldn’t? It would be too personal, too risky, and too burdensome. But he was so cold and Marinette’s home was cozy and not his own. And besides, Marinette didn’t know he was Adrien or really anything about him. So maybe she wouldn’t press as much and would let him lay on her chaise again as she spoke to him about anything. Marinette’s voice was sweet and soothing and everything she said was important, so would it really be that bad to let himself have that for a while?

He sighed.

Probably, but he didn’t care anymore so he finally walked to the trapdoor and tapped it with the end of his baton. He hoped that she’d lend him a blanket.

He hoped that she’d welcome him in.

After a few seconds, he saw a light appear beneath the glass and he bit his bottom lip in a guilty manner. He forgot momentarily that sleep was an actual thing and that Marinette was probably in the middle of it before he bothered her.

Damn it.

However, before he could even think of what to do, the door opened and Chat got a glimpse of the girl’s wrist and alerted gaze. She didn’t say anything. She simply scanned him up and down before motioning him to come in and releasing the glass slowly to enter her room again.

He smiled sheepishly at that before nodding to himself and following along. The sudden heat from her home embraced him like a thick sweater once he entered. He hummed in comfort and made sure to close the door correctly before lowering himself to her floor with his baton, trying his best to miss her bed so he wouldn’t get anything drenched.

Marinette stood with her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes narrowed as they attempted to adjust to the sudden lighting of the room. She was most definitely asleep and he most definitely had woken her up.

She did not look pleased whatsoever, though she remained quiet. She was awaiting an explanation.

He placed his baton on his back and cringed once he noticed the small puddle forming under his feet.

“It was um raining.” He started, wanting to slap himself immediately at his greeting.

She rose an eyebrow before yawning loudly, her eyes even closing along with the exaggerated action.

He sighed.

“I’m sorry. I honestly don’t know why I’m here. I didn’t mean to wake you but I was out and cold and-“

He was no longer looking at her and his right hand was rubbing up and down his left bicep nervously.

“Crap, I’m so sorry. I’ll go now. This was stupid. I’m stupid. I-“

“Is there an akuma? Are you hurt?”

Her voice sounded tired yet alert all at the same time. She was scanning him again with her eyes but this time to check for any injuries that he possibly could’ve gotten. He should’ve gone home. He felt that his classmate was going to find it ridiculous that he came to see her just because he was lonely. Maybe even find him pathetic.

He shook his head and embraced himself to warm his body as much as he could, Marinette’s gaze following the movement before she yawned once more and walked herself over to her sink, opening one of the drawers on the side of it to grab a few towels.

Adrien was shivering and suddenly felt embarrassed about how vulnerable and needy he probably looked at that moment. Chat Noir, the superhero of Paris, went to a civilian’s house in the middle of the night for a towel and company.

His cheeks reddened shamefully and he glanced down at his boots, scolding himself mentally yet again for the water he brought in. His father was right, this was an embarrassment of a night.

And it was all his fault.

“Here, if you need another let me know.”

The blond suddenly saw three medium-sized folded towels in his view, being offered by his most generous friend.

He stared at them for a while before he grabbed them slowly, still avoiding the girl’s eyes.

He began to dry himself with each towel, wiping off as much freezing moisture as he could. He made sure to be careful around his claws since he didn’t want to tear any of the towels accidentally. The blue-eyed girl started to snatch each towel from his hand as he finished, however, leaving him with the last one since he was just burying his face in it and refused to let it go.

He couldn’t see Marinette, but he could feel her presence still in front of him. He knew she was watching him but he still didn’t know what she was thinking and wasn’t sure if he even wanted to. She was probably wondering why the blond was smothering himself in a towel like a total idiot. And he probably should start talking to explain himself, but he found that he couldn’t move. His cheeks were still burning.

“Chat, what happened?” She whispered softly instead, her gentle tone having taken the other teen off guard.

His shoulders tensed and he mumbled something into the towel in response, gripping it tighter.

“What? I didn’t understand that. Lift your head up please.”

He sighed and rubbed at his eyes a little more before slowly obliging, pulling the towel away from his face and looking down at the shorter girl. She didn’t look angry or pitying, but more concerned and exhausted. Like she was using half of her energy to stay awake and the other half to form expressions and speak so he was aware that she was serious.

His face was probably still red from humiliation, but Marinette didn’t say anything about it because she was just that freaking wonderful. And oh god why did he have to wake his friend for this? He was the most selfish hero ever. Ladybug wouldn’t do this. Not even the Chat Noir in his story would do this.

“Nothing. I’m sorry for waking you. I’ll… I’ll go.”

He forced an appreciative smile before he started to turn around, towel still in hand. However, he was stopped almost instantly by Marinette’s sudden grip on his wrist.

“Hey, you’re not going anywhere right now. Like you said, you woke me up. So, I need answers.”

“I’m fine,” He turned back around to face her again, her hold still not releasing. “I don’t know why I came. I just did, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

He wasn’t and sadly enough, Marinette knew that too.

“So, this isn’t because of any akuma, right?”

“No. I’m telling you it’s nothing.”

“Did um Ladybug say something to you?”

“No. No. Just – Marinette, please let go of me.”

She did, but her searching expression kept him still.

“It’s something personal then. Something happened in your civilian life.”

He didn’t respond to that and she nodded to herself. Neither of them were sure what to say or do next. He wasn’t allowed to talk about his civilian life with anyone, no matter the circumstance. And even if he could, he didn’t think he’d ever have to heart to tell anyone, let alone Marinette, about his issues. They were too much in his opinion, and would probably make her think differently of him.

He opened his mouth, however, wanting to fill the silence in some way. Wanting to talk about something.

“I updated my story a few days ago.”

She yawned. “Yeah, I saw.”

“There um were a few comments. Bad ones.”

He couldn’t talk about his father, that’s for sure. But Marinette knew about his fanfiction, and he found it relieving that he was able to at least talk about that.

“Oh?”

He nodded solemnly. She leaned her body more on her left, her arms crossed over her chest again with the towels now on the ground beside her feet. She was wearing socks this time.

“What’d they say?”

He scratched the back of his head timidly and shivered a little at the feel of leftover rain water. He had missed some when drying his hair minutes prior. He dried it a bit more with the towel that was still in his hand and fluffed his hair up in the process.

He was still cold and he shrugged.

“They aren’t sure why it has so many views and kept comparing it to this other fanfiction.”

“And they commented this on your story?”

He nodded and she rolled her eyes.

“Those people are jerks.”

He shrugged again and kept scrunching up the towel in his hands.

“They have a right to their own opinion.”

“True. But there’s also a time and a place for everything,” she yawned. “And that wasn’t right of them to complain so openly like that on your story, especially since they knew that you’d see it.”

Marinette looked very bothered by the issue, and it made Adrien feel a bit better knowing that she was taking it seriously even though it was just fanfiction. It made him feel less stupid for feeling sad about it in the first place.

He didn’t know how to respond so he just hummed instead, his body beginning to shiver a little. His suit was still wet and since he couldn’t just take it off and change into something warmer it was bothering him and starting to get rather uncomfortable. The other teen seemed to realize this since she finally grabbed the towel from his hands along with the ones on the floor and walked herself over to her sink once more. Chat still didn’t move from his place but he watched as she left them on the counter and went over to her closet, opening the doors and pulling out a garment that looked familiar.

It was large and a gray color that was a tad lighter than his suit.

“Put this on, it’ll keep you warm.”

It was the over-sized hoodie she had on the last time.

He shook his head.

“You’ve already done so much. I couldn’t-“

“Come on. You can’t protect Paris with a cold, now can you?”

His hand reached out for just a moment before stopping. He looked up at her face and saw a small reassuring smile playing on her lips, her eyes sparkling in the corners.

Marinette is too pure for this world.

He was smiling now, a tad quirk of his lip.

“Thank you.” He whispered before finally grabbing the garment and putting it on. It was almost as large on him as it was on her when she had worn it. The sleeves weren’t passed his hands, but they did reach down to the very tips of his fingers. And the bottom reached down to his mid-thigh. He wasn’t sure why Marinette owned this hoodie in such a big size, but it was very comfortable and heated so he didn’t question it. However, she answered him anyway since she saw that he kept examining it once it was on him.

“It was my dad’s. But it didn’t fit him anymore so he let me have it.”

“It’s super cozy.”

She giggled at his astonishment.

“It is.”

They finally sat down in their usual spots and talked for a while, Adrien almost forgetting what had happened only a few hours before with his father. Marinette was so alive when she spoke, even when she looked tired as hell. Adrien found that amazing. They were simply discussing the terrible weather that night, and usually a simple topic like that would make him feel a bit bored after a while. But Marinette was so animated with her expressions and hand motions that she made rain seem like the most fascinating thing in the world.

Kind of like Ladybug.

However, the happy feeling faded once Marinette brought up his story again and he started to feel small.

“So, what story where they comparing yours to anyway if you don’t mind me asking?”

“This one called Late Night Hour. It was one of the most popular ones, but um my story has more reads now and that’s why they got mad.”

“Well, I don’t see why. You deserve those reads.”

He shrugged.

“I’m new at this whole writing thing. So, I know that my story probably has a lot of mistakes.”

“A lot of mistakes?”

“Yeah,” He sighed, not really wanting to talk about it anymore since he’d much rather talk to Marinette about insignificant things that made him smile and forget like weather and over-sized hoodies. “Grammar wise, plot wise, et cetera.”

“It seems fine to me.”

Chat snorted.

“I thought you didn’t like it?”

“Like I said before, fanfiction isn’t my thing. But that doesn’t mean your story isn’t well-written.”

He felt a bit of pride fill up his chest at her compliment, his cheeks flushing slightly as he tried to suppress a smile.

“Thanks.”

She nodded.

“I actually started reading the update today before I went to bed. Was planning to finish it in the morning. Pretty good so far.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, the tab’s still open actually. Since I’m awake I might as well finish it now.”

Wait. What?!

They both got up at the same time, though Chat in a more urgent-like manner, his eyes wide.

“You’re gonna finish it now?!”

“Yeah, why not?”

“With me in the room?”

“Uh yeah,” She chuckled at his flustered appearance. “This way I can also prove to you that those people were just jerks and that your plot is just fine.”

She walked passed him to reach her computer and his eyes followed her movement, his mouth now hung open with his complexion red as ever.

“Marinette! You s-should sleep! Yeah, worry about this later!”

Did Adrien want his classmate to read his chapter? Of course. But he wanted her to read it when he was gone and she was alone, and there was no pressure on him. Having her read it right in front of him would be almost overwhelming and just so raw. He’d see her reactions first-hand. He would be able to tell what she liked, what she didn’t like by just her facial features and the boy would feel like he was completely naked right before her eyes.

What if she hated it and didn’t even react one bit because it was just that boring? The chapter was around five-thousand words long. What would he even do in that silence for that amount of time? It would be too nerve-racking.

And besides, Adrien already felt terrible enough for waking her in the first place. He didn’t want to take up her whole night.

“I’ll be fine.”

She went back to drag her rolling chair over to the screens, sitting herself down and moving her mouse around to brighten the screen again. She was right when she told him that she was reading it only a few hours ago. His story immediately popped up and he sat back down on the chaise, his claws digging into the hoodie material covering his palms nervously.

Oh my god. OH MY GOD.

He knew that this was probably karma for having stormed out of his room before Plagg could even finish his cheese. Though, the kwami was busy at the moment, he knew that he could hear and see everything that was happening. Adrien was so going to get an earful later.

“Marinette, really I-“

“Shhhhh. I’m trying to read.”

Chat buried his face in his hands and groaned, refusing to move from his spot so he could only see the back of Marinette’s head if he were to look up at her.

She was reading, she was actually freaking finishing the chapter and the blond was dying internally in more ways than one. He didn’t even know what part she was on and what parts she’d already read. Would she even think the akuma was original? Maybe he should’ve added more detail to his costume.

The room grew silent for a few minutes, the only sounds being the now light rain hitting Marinette’s window and the girl’s several yawns. Adrien felt bad, he honestly did. But he couldn’t do anything. Marinette was determined to finish this chapter and wouldn’t let anyone stop her.

And the fact that he admired that quality about her was frustrating him even more.

She started to make a few comments here-in-there as she read, allowing the boy to engage in the reading along with her. Possibly to make him more comfortable about the whole thing. And at first it wasn’t really helping his nerves at all, but then she started chuckling at a few jokes and complimenting small sentences and Adrien went from avoiding her gaze completely to having his whole focus on her. He even eventually walked over to her and sat on the floor beside her feet, enjoying her company and the way her eyebrows would knit together in concentration when she was reading the fight scene. She was getting into it and Chat found that fascinating.

And slightly cute but he immediately ignored that thought as soon as it entered his mind.

Time went by and before he knew it, she was done and looking down at him with a small smile and a satisfied nod.

He could’ve cried he was so relieved.

“It was alright?”

“Yeah. That akuma was really intense. And I enjoyed reading the fight sequence. There were a few grammar mistakes but those could be easily fixed.”

“Oh, really? Where?”

He stood up with a soft smile on his face, standing right next to the girl when he was on both feet. Marinette scrolled up and down through the story pointing out a few errors and explaining things that Adrien jotted down in his mind to change later.

Marinette was so kind and he wished he was closer to the girl as Adrien so he could thank her properly for everything she’d done for him the past couple of weeks by buying her lunch or really anything that would show his appreciation. But he couldn’t so he instead thanked her as properly and as genuinely as he could as he got ready to leave moments later.

“Marinette, thank you honestly so much for everything. I really appreciate this.”

They were by her circular window, Marinette having opened it for him to leave. It stopped raining and Adrien was feeling both refreshed and tired at the same time. He wouldn’t have minded staying longer, but he didn’t want to overstay his welcome and he felt that Plagg would kill him if he had to hold the transformation much longer.

“No problem.” She responded before yawning.

“Get some sleep, okay?”

She nodded.

“You too. And also, before you go,” Her hands clasped together and she swung them a bit, her eyes on them for a few seconds before she met his gaze once more. “Do you have anyone you can talk to about what happened?”

The small smile he had faded and he rose an eyebrow in confusion.

“About what happened? With my story or-“

She shook her head, “No, with what really happened. The reason you came tonight.”

Oh yeah, he’d almost forgotten about what happened with his father. He was going to have to return now and write that damn email. And pretend as if nothing happened the next time he’d see him. Which probably wouldn’t be for a few days knowing how the man was busy.

He forced a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine, princess.”

“You can come back you know.”

He scrunched up his eyebrows and felt the smile fall.

She cleared her throat and squeezed her hands before continuing, her voice hesitant.

“If you ever need a critique or some editing on your chapter or…you just want to talk, as vague as you want, you can.”

He honestly didn’t know what to respond. His heart was too busy clenching to help him out and his words were stuck in his throat.

She wouldn’t mind if he came back.

Holy shit.

“I um,” this time he cleared his throat. “I-I’d like that. Thank you.”

“Yeah.”

He was smiling genuinely now since he couldn’t help it and she mirrored his expression.

“Goodnight, Chat Noir.”

“Goodnight.”

With one final wave, he brought out his staff and extended it, jumping himself out of his friend’s home and into the night once more. He was already half way to his house when he realized that he was still wearing her hoodie.

He smiled.

Looked like he was going to have to return it.

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