#this is self-indulgent and for my sweet sweet andy

[taintedcigs]

i knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss series by @andvys ♡

steve is slipping through your fingers and you desperately hold onto him not realizing that his heart isn't yours anymore, or is it?

[cometslove]

Welcome, To Eve's alterpacks!

Salem / Eve + Shx / it / frill / idol / sweet

I am radqueer my main is @astralvow

sources I will do are: The coffin of Andy and leyley, Mcyt, Genshin impact, Vocaloid And just aesthetics you like and I will add paras + transIDs there is no template but please be clear if you want anything specific

Tagging system

#🌙 request accepted

#🌙 request denied

#🌙 self indulgent

#🌙 asks

#🌙 announcements

[terrence-silver]

Started rewatching Karate Kid III, but got distracted and started watching an old western with Lon Chaney(Jr.), thought of the original Phantom of the Opera🖤, promptly went down the rabbit hole of filmography for Chaney Sr., and I realized so, SO many movies from 1910-1920 are just lost?? It broke my heart a bit, even though they were most likely very short silent films.

But! I learned that the wealthy would sometimes buy the film reel (if not the only film reel of a film.. ever) and add it to their own ✨️private collection✨️. Anyways, can you imagine how romantic of a date that would be with Terry? Watching some old, old movies, that have probably been exclusive to his family alone for years. Getting to indulge in champagne and sweets, cuddled up to 6 foot 5 man, as some poor sap has to crank the ole projector. Maybe manipulating beloved to feel exclusive in his life, or.. maybe he's sincere in trying to make beloved feel special🤭

---

I always felt a date with Terry Silver in any era would have this...slightly surreal quality.

Because, yeah, consider it; he owns so many antiques. So many rare weapons. So many vintage wines. So many cars. So many things you can only ever acquire if you're in possession of an exuberant amount of money and some questionable connections, like in the case of his old Rembrandt that was thought lost for ages or the fact that he lived in a mansion resembling a Mayan Temple (that is thought to be haunted according to urban legend), that it is a bit like entering a world of it's own entirely, or hey, to keep with the topic of this ask, even the movies this man watches, they aren't movies anyone else watches or can watch. Why? Because they're forgotten films only a sinfully rich collector like himself could get their hands on from all sorts of unlikely sources, meaning that you're literally seeing something...you've never seen before. And he might even highlight that, entirely proud of himself.

-"Now,"- He begins, slapping his hands together in contentment followed by a smile as a silent assistant handling the delicate material with gloved hands inside of his home theatre cranks that projector and the reel lights up the hall, flickering. -"I'll bet you've never seen anything like this."-

And you've indeed never seen any of the lost French documentaries of Georges Méliès between 1895-96, Japanese movies thought to have disappeared during WWII, any of the flicks on the BFI 75 Most Wanted list, Andy Worhol's first ever film, Theda Bara's Cleopatra, the complete works of Valeska Suratt, flicks Terry swears were discovered in a salt mine somewhere, the first ever 'talkies', prints thought destroyed in the 1965 MGM vault fire, London After Midnight, The First Men in The Moon from 1919 or goodness gracious, even some exceptionally rare erotica scraped up from the bottom of some forgotten archive somewhere because nobody else has seen any of them either in over a century. You're sipping a wine older than you are, you've just got the exclusive tour of his collection of centuries old weapons and now you're watching a movie human eyes haven't seen in over a hundred years. It is an intense experience. In fact, it's an experience that resembles a dream that is pretty difficult to explain even to your own self, which is not to say the experience would be bad, it would simply be...downright phantasmagorical. It might immediately hit you that Terry Silver is quite literally like no man you've ever met before, because no man you've ever met before has done any of this.

Or hey, since you've mentioned it, a movie exclusive to his family alone?

Why the heck not!

What if he's in possession of some short film reels or photographic clips he took in Vietnam? Hey, not all that unbelievable. Maybe you see some of familiar faces immortalized, like a young Kreese, some scrawny, curly haired kid mingling around or hey, who's that guy with the ponytail!? Goodness, is that a young Terry? If we want to go full-on creepy, he might just hum and confirm, saying yes, because who else could it possibly be? What if he owns some rather unsavory military movies he recorded; images of the dead kept like trophies. Interrogations. Torture. These things can go as far as imagination allows, or a brighter note, what if, say, his mother was an actress --- not a famous one, but someone who pumped out like one or two smaller projects in, for example, the 30's Silent era Hollywood before she got married and had him and those copies stayed in his family ever since because his father was staunch and very meticulous on who owns moving pictures containing his wife. Bought all the copies off of George Cukor for a smaller fortune back in the days, at the height of the Great Depression, no less.

-"Who is that?"- You may ask, cuddled up to him, struck with an odd familiarity following the woman on the screen. You shiver for reasons you cannot quite explain other than the fact that watching something so old can naturally give someone the occasionally eerie sensation. She vaguely reminds you of someone. -"My mother."- He could answer.

Whatever the case, whatever the scenario one deems most likely of these, or any others totally unrelated one might come up with, one thing is perfectly clear and that's that said movie evening isn't something that is easily forgotten, if ever.

[copperbadge]

Books, Rejected

It is actually a little difficult to document my reading when I’ve become something of a picky reader :D I realized scrolling around in my reader apps today that I’ve started a bunch of books I didn’t finish, so in the spirit of at least proving I did read something...

The Henchmen of Zenda by KJ Charles -- recommended to me because I was enjoying The Prisoner of Zenda; that’s an older book, and Charles wrote Henchmen as a different POV on the same story, as a gay romance between two of the supporting characters. Which is fine, and I like KJ Charles as an author generally speaking, but if I’m going to read a romance at least one of the characters had to be likable, and -- I think Detchard is meant to be but I find him very unpleasant, and Rupert I don’t even think is meant to be likable. I stopped reading and skimmed a bit, then gave up. 

Carved from Sand by ML Buchman -- The central conceit of this one is a romance by two childhood friends, who drifted apart in their youth, and now one is a sailboat racer and the other is a sandcastle sculptor. Which...wild, and not uninteresting to me! But also it was taking a really long time to get anywhere and there was a supporting character we’re clearly not supposed to like who I found the most engaging of any of them, so I put it aside. 

Mount Chicago by Adam Levin -- oh this was the most self-indulgent, dull twaddle. The summary sounded so good -- a natural disaster devastates Chicago and some of the residents need to work out how to survive together, including a Jewish protagonist -- but man it was like watching someone you don’t find attractive jerk off. There’s just not a lot there to inspire. 

Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir -- I loved The Martian, book and movie both, and Project Hail Mary was recommended to me because a) it’s by the same author and b) it actually does the “waking up with amnesia” trope really well, after I’d been complaining about Nine Princes in Amber. Project Hail Mary is a great book that I had to stop reading because it’s also really dark -- funny dark, very like The Martian -- and I reached a point where I had to look up the plot summary because I couldn’t stop being anxious about the ending. The second half of the book looked like it would...not be great for me. So regrettably I put it back. But the first half is really good! And I’m sure the second half is too, honestly, I just didn’t think I’d handle it well.

But now I’ve got volumes 3-5 of Spy x Family, and it continues to be very funny and sweet, so I’m sure I’ll finish at least one of those volumes...:D

[b4b31]

Warhol, Andy. Campbell's Soup Cans. 1962, pop art, The Museum of Modern Art, New York.

“I used to have the same lunch every day, for 20 years, guess, the same thing over and over again. Someone said my life has dominated me; liked that idea.”

The "Campbell's Soup Cans" series highlights the homogeneity and conformity of consumer culture. The cans are identical, suggesting a standardized and mass-produced product, yet subtle differences between each can. This suggests that even though we may be the same, we have the power to choose our own path and be unique, despite society's pressure to conform. The various soup flavors can represent different personality types or archetypes, allowing the viewer to select which one they identify with. This individual choice and agency is a central aspect of Jungian psychology, which emphasizes the journey towards self-discovery and individuation.

THE SOUP SPECTRUM: How to navigate Campbell's soup selection

Tomato - The Rebel: bold and unorthodox, challenges the status quo of traditional soups with its vibrant and tangy flavor.

Chicken Noodle - The Mother: nurturing and comforting, provides warmth and sustenance like a hug in a bowl.

Split Pea with Ham - The Destroyer: powerful and transformative, brings about necessary change to the palate through the destruction of preconceived notions of what a soup should taste like.

Beef - The Warrior: strong and resilient, fights for a place on the soup menu with its hearty and robust flavor.

Black Bean - The Seeker: restless and questioning, seeks out new flavor combinations and knowledge about the soup world.

Consomme - The Sage: wise and knowledgeable, offers simple but profound wisdom to elevate the soup experience.

Cream of Asparagus - The Maiden: innocent and pure, represents delicacy and refinement with its smooth and elegant texture.

Cream of Mushroom - The Magician: mystical and transformative, turns ordinary ingredients into something extraordinary with its rich and velvety texture.

Cream of Onion - The Trickster: mischievous and unpredictable, adds a touch of humor and subversion to the soup experience with its unexpected sweetness and complexity.

Cream of Potato - The Creator: innovative and resourceful, turns simple ingredients into a satisfying and comforting meal with its creamy and filling texture.

Lentil - The Survivor: resilient and adaptable, can thrive in a variety of soup environments with its earthy and hearty flavor.

Manhattan Clam Chowder - The Explorer: curious and adventurous, seeks out new flavor profiles and experiences with its unique blend of seafood and tomato flavors.

New England Clam Chowder - The Guardian: protective and loyal, defends the tradition and legacy of classic soup recipes with its creamy and comforting texture.

Shrimp Bisque - The Siren: seductive and alluring, draws in with its rich and indulgent creaminess, leaving a lasting impression on the palate.

Vegetarian Vegetable - The Liberator: nourishing force that frees the body from toxins and provides essential nutrients

Broccoli Cheese - The Lover: passionate and comforting, satisfies the palate with its rich and creamy texture.

Vegetable Beef - The Hero: hearty and dependable, always there to provide strength and nourishment in times of need.

Green Pea - The Child: smooth and delicate, with a pure and childlike essence that inspires wonder and curiosity.

Cream of Celery - The Mentor: smooth and sophisticated, offering a creamy blend of knowledge and experience to help guide and mentor others.

Minestrone - The Networker: a vibrant and diverse blend of ingredients, bringing together different flavors and personalities to form strong and enduring connections.

Mulligatawny - The Shapeshifter: a tantalizing and enigmatic blend of spices and flavors, capable of shifting and adapting to different situations and contexts.

Old Fashioned Tomato Rice - The OutKast: a bold and unorthodox blend of classic flavors, standing out from the crowd and challenging traditional notions of what a soup can be.

Onion - The Shadow: a deep and complex mixture, with layers of flavor that reveal a mysterious and enigmatic essence that others may find intimidating.

Pea Soup - The Jester: a light and whimsical blend, with a playful and humorous spirit that never fails to bring a smile to others' faces.

Pepper Pot - The Villain: a potent and fiery blend, with a devious and malicious spirit that seeks to manipulate and control others for its own gain.

Potato with Bacon - The Father: a warm and comforting blend, with a hearty and nurturing essence that provides comfort and protection to those in need.

Scotch Broth - The Judge: a fair and impartial blend, with a strong and savory essence that represents justice and accountability.

Tomato Rice - The Queen/King: a rich and regal blend, with a commanding and charismatic essence that inspires loyalty and devotion in all who taste it.

Turkey Noodle - The Empathic: a comforting and compassionate blend, with a soothing and empathetic essence that understands and connects with the emotions of others.

Bean with Bacon - The Observer: a rich and hearty blend, with a deep and perceptive essence that sees and understands things others might miss.

Cheddar Cheese - The Oracle: a rich and flavorful blend, with a wise and insightful essence that provides knowledge and guidance to those who seek it.

Chicken with Rice - The Messenger: a clear and persuasive blend, with a smooth and communicative essence that delivers important messages and inspires action.

[astrobei]

🍦

(hi ily)

ANDI MY LOVE HELLO <3 (in case u guys didn’t know andi has officially adopted me she’s signed the papers and everything we’re in our jonwill era fr)

🍦: What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

ohhhhhh oh oh ok maybe u guys think the answer is totally different but to me if we’re talking like. just pure disgustingly sappy soft fluff then definitely sealed with a kiss bc it’s Literally an accidental kiss fic so by nature the premise is like . Horrendously sweet LOL and i did not slip even a sentence of angst in (which i can’t rly say for most of my other fics so . oops) but if we’re talking like just really cheesy and self indulgent and fun then it would have to be got your spell on me, baby which 100% was just an excuse for me to shower praise on the empire strikes back for being the most movie ever and also to write han and leia mike and will flirting rly badly w each other which in my book is the most romantic thing literally ever so . depends on ur definition of Sweet i guess ! (also unfortunately my sickfic is not a contender bc i Did write angst into it and Whose fault is that? 🤨)

[cevansbrat0007]

Let Go

Summary: Andy reminds you that you’re his baby too. Read the follow-up fic: Indulge Me. Andy Barber x Black!Reader

*Warnings: Weepy New Mom, Daddy Kink, Slightly Bratty Reader, Cursing, Spanking, Punishments (mentioned), Fluff, Minors DNI

A/N: My first attempt at a drabble from back when I was new to Tumblr. Part of my Growing Pains Series. Please let me know what you think. Not super proofread. All mistakes are my own.

Let Go

“I know it’s gonna be hard”, Andy’s mom murmurs as she holds your little girl to her chest. “But you both need this. BiBi is in good hands. So just relax and we’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Having a baby was never something you planned on, at least, not until you’d met Andy. He never planned on having another baby either, not that you could blame him. And you’d been good with that. 

But now here you were. 

You lean in to press a kiss to the top of your beautiful 9-month-old’s head. “I’m sorry.” You whisper. “Please know it’s nothing against you…”

Your mother-in-law nods understandingly. She’s so sweet. Bless her.

So you two had spent the first couple of years just enjoying each other. You’d wanted him from the moment you’d laid eyes on him, and the same had been true for him. 

In fact, if you’d let him tell it, he saw you first. You just happened to make the first move before he could. But he loves to tell everyone that he saw you first. And then he follows it up with how he just knew you were the one for him. 

That fateful day had been over two years ago. And you’d never looked back. Now you were parents. Your first time, his second. But you didn’t want to venture into that territory. 

This was the first time that your sweet little baby girl had ever been away from you for more than an hour or two. The idea of her being gone overnight was almost too much. Sure, yes, of course, you wanted to reconnect with your husband, but you needed your baby. 

Would she sleep okay? Had you sent her off with enough milk? Oh God, had you even packed the formula just in case? Did she have her blankie? Fuck, you wanted to cry. 

Just as you were ready to get in the car to chase after your mother-in-law, you receive a text from your husband that reads: “Stop. Bianca is fine. You’re fine. Now go relax. I’ll be home soon.” 

A tear makes its way down your cheek and you quickly wipe it away. Your husband knew you so well. Stupid man. It wasn’t fair. You wanted your baby, damn it. Instead of responding, you opt to silence your phone.  

You stomp upstairs to your room, making a point of ignoring your baby’s empty nursery. You whip off your clothes and change into a swimsuit. Initially purchased on a whim, you had never intended to actually wear it. You still weren’t all that happy with your post-baby body, although Andy didn’t seem to mind. That man was always finding an excuse to touch you.

In the mood to sulk, you head back downstairs to fix yourself a Mai Tai , and then sashay your now bikini-clad self out to the pool for a little R&R. 

You take a quick sip of your drink before wading into the shallow end of the pool and shakily climbing onto a waiting inflatable raft. If Andy wanted you to relax, you would relax. 

The hot, sunny weather is perfect for dozing, which you do, as you float lazily around the pool. 

You’re not sure how much time has passed, but the sound of someone clearing their throat suddenly has you wide awake. You open your eyes only to come face to face with your husband. 

Arms crossed over his broad chest, Andy stares you down. A slight smirk graces his lips. “Hey, Mama.”

“Hey, Daddy.” You can’t help but giggle back.  

“What’s my baby doing?” You roll your eyes at that. How the heck would you know? Your baby wasn’t freaking here.

“Dunno. She’s not here. Obviously.” His eyes flare at your tone. 

“You wanna try that again?”

“Nope.”

Andy lets out a low whistle. “Okay then.” He walks around the side of the pool to crouch down beside you. “You know, I wasn’t exactly talking about Bianca.” That surprises you. You open your mouth to respond, but he shakes his head. 

“You know what I see?” He pins you with his steely gaze. “I see my baby breaking a very important rule. And you know how Daddy feels about rules, don’t you?” Throat suddenly dry, you nod. “And what rule are you breaking right now?” 

“Umm…I’m in the pool.” You were starting to regret your earlier sass. 

“And why would Daddy be mad about you being in the pool?” You frown up at him, not wanting to continue. “Go on…” He motions for you to continue. 

You take a deep breath. “Because I’m not supposed to be in the pool alone.” 

“Mmhm.” Andy nods. “And remind me, sweet girl. Why is that?” 

Uh oh. “Because I’m not that good of a swimmer.” 

“Ahh, there it is.” He boops your nose, which honestly is more intimidating than it sounds. “Get out. Now.” He offers you his hand, which you ignore. Instead, you choose to awkwardly paddle yourself back to the shallow end of the pool. And you make a point of taking your time. 

“Hurry up, sweetness.” You feel your face scrunch at that. Your husband could go to hell for all you cared. Him and his damned rules. You reach the stairs, still taking your time. But at least he’s kind enough to hand you a towel. 

“Gotta say, baby.” You can feel him giving you a once-over. “You look sexy as fuck. Is this new?” You yelp lightly when one of his large hands reaches down to roughly palm your ass. “Let’s get you in the house, hmm?”

Allowing Andy to lead you inside, he presses a quick kiss to your temple when you reach the living room. And then he sits down before taking both of your hands in his. 

“You know, baby. I had a very special night planned for the two of us.”

Your eyes drop to your toes.

“But this little girl I know just had to go and break the rules. Do you get why I’m upset?” You feel your head bob. “Good. You know what to do.” 

Releasing your hands, Andy leans back and pats his lap. For a brief second you consider putting up a fight, but then you think better of it.

With a soft sigh, you lower yourself over Andy’s knee. You hadn’t been in this position in a long time. 

You whimper gently when Andy strokes a hand through your hair. God, your man had magic hands. 

“That’s my good girl.” He coos, his hand resting on your ass. “You know we can still have our special night. We just gotta get this little punishment out of the way. What do you think?”

Placing your hands on the floor, you bury your face in his leg. “Yes, Daddy.”

“Very good. Now tell me again…why are you being punished?” His hand continues to lovingly caress your bottom, occasionally taking the time to give it a squeeze. He loves to watch it jiggle. 

“I–” You take a breath. “I’m being spanked because I went swimming alone. And I’m not supposed to do that when you’re not here because I really can’t swim that well and I could hurt myself.”

“That’s right. Keep going.”

“Umm…” You rack your brain for more. “I put my phone on silent, which I know you don’t like.”

“Mmhm.” He responds. It’s becoming increasingly hard for you to form a coherent thought when he keeps touching you like that. “And what else?”

“I was a bitch to you when you came home. Which I am actually really sorry about. I just miss our baby and I’m not used to being without her.” You try to keep the tears at bay.

“Hey…hey…hey.” Andy reaches down to lift your chin, forcing you to look him in  the eyes. “You’re not a bitch. I knew tonight would be hard for you. But I wanted to give you something special - to take care of you. The same way you’ve taken care of me and our daughter all this time. You got that?”

No longer ashamed, you let the tears fall.

“This is just part of Daddy taking care of his baby. We both know you need this. Don’t you? Talk to me.”

“Yes, Daddy. It’s just been so long…”

“I know, I know.” His hand moves from your ass to the small of your back, gently rubbing in slow, soothing circles. “It’s okay. Daddy’s got you, sweetheart. I just need you to let go.”

“I can do that. I can do that for you.” You could let go for him. Not just because he was your husband, but because you trusted him. With everything. 

“I’m so proud of you, sweet girl.” His hand once again settles on the swell of your ass. “Can’t wait to taste this pussy. Been dreaming about it all day...” He trails off, which is a signal to you that your punishment is about to start.

“Count ‘em for me.” Andy grunts right before the first slap falls, making you yip. 

“One!” You manage to eek out through clenched teeth. “Oh, God, Daddy, Two!”

“That’s it, baby. You keep being nice and loud for Daddy and he’ll take care of the rest.”

END 

[rere-the-writer]

Can I request a fic where Elijah Mikaelson is in love with a human!Reader who isn't his usual type of woman. Reader is always getting in trouble and Elijah is trying to save

I love Elijah trying to save the women he love fics. Simping time baby.

Warnings: Fluff, A bit of angst, Elijah being a bit possessive, Hayley being a bitch, A bit of smut

You had been on your own since you were sixteen and taking care of yourself that was until you met Elijah Mikaelson one night at Rousseau's when he scared off one of your clients that followed you to the bar after you got off work. You shared a few drinks with Elijah sharing that fact you were a stripper and for once you weren't judged for it.

Since that night Elijah was became apart of your everyday life always looking out for you. At first it was sweet and you found him to be a gentleman but now you were annoyed.

"Long night?" Camille asked pouring you a glass of your favorite whiskey as you groaned.

"It would be if I could work Cami." You said downing your whiskey and Camille poured you another glass. Elijah had started to show up at your work paying for your whole shift which was a lot of money. Normally you wouldn't have a problem with it as many businessmen would pay for a stripper's whole shift but the other girls were starting to get jealous and your normal clients were scared off by Elijah.

"Elijah being a hand full?"

"Yes! I get at first he was being a gentleman but now he is getting on my nerves." You growled as you felt a hand on your back and you looked seeing it was Elijah.

"Thanks Cams but I am calling it a night." You said huffing annoyed paying for your drinks walking out and Elijah followed after you.

"Well you fu...." You were cut off by a every brave vampire had grabbed you and was about to bite you. Elijah was quick to kill the vampire then caught you when you tripped over yourself.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." You tell Elijah pushing him away making him smirk. Elijah knew you were annoyed with him and angry with him following you everywhere. But Elijah couldn't help himself for being drawn to you.

"Why do you deny that you are mine?"

"What?! I don't belong to no one!" You growled glaring at Elijah as he couldn't help but find you just gorgeous with the fiery anger in your eyes.

"But you are. When you let me feed from you." Elijah tells you as you glared harder remembering that night you found him hurt nearly bleeding out by your apartment building. You brought him into your apartment cleaning him up and letting him drink from you unaware that you became his.

"You can't hold that against me!" You yell at Elijah then a squeak came from you when Elijah was suddenly in front of you. Elijah put an arm around you gripping your chin kissing you pulling a mewl from you letting him deepen the kiss.

"I am not holding it against you. It is true, you belong to me and if it was up to me you wouldn't have to work again."

You were flushed heart racing as you looked at Elijah shivering as he cupped your cheek rubbing it with his thumb. You knew Elijah well enough now to know he wasn't a man to let go of something. So you swallowed deciding to give into Elijah completely, you gently tugged him down brushing your lips lightly against his.

"Then take what is yours." You whispered looking up at Elijah seeing a dark glit in his eyes. Suddenly you were pressed up against a bedroom wall as Elijah kissed you roughly. Moans and growls filled the room as you both tore at one another's clothing.

You choked out a moan arching when Elijah had set a rough brutal pace once one the bed. Elijah wasn't going easy on you as if you had broke whatever self control he had.

"Elijah.." You panted out cupping his face kissing him hungrily feeling him grabbing your legs moving higher placing one leg over his shoulder the other in the crook of his arm. Elijah leaned back looking down at you seeing your hair damp by sweat face flushed gripping his sheets tightly.

"You take me so well. Is my baby going to cum again?" Elijah asked watching you throw your head back mouth hanging open shaking when he began to rub your clit.

"I.....I..I can't." You tell him turning your head burying your face in the sheets as Elijah smirked leaning down not letting up one bit.

"Come on baby. Just one more." Elijah says latching onto your neck as you shook and whined under him. You felt the air leave you arching off the bed clinging to Elijah biting down hard on his shoulder as you cummed hard with Elijah growling lowly following after.

You fell back against the bed feeling weak as you panted Elijah smiled brushing the hair from your face as the bite mark you left was healing. Elijah gently kissed you then peppered you neck with kisses.

"If....I knew...this was what...I get for giving in....I would have done it months ago." You panted as Elijah chuckled getting up and gently began to clean you up.

"Any lesser man wouldn't have cared as much as I did." Elijah said pulling you into his arms smiling as you kissed his chest.

"Next time....I'll show you my talented mouth." You tell him trying to leave marks on his neck. Elijah laughed pulling you closer kissing you gently.

"I look forward to it baby." Elijah said rubbing your bare back kissing the crown of your head. You woke before Elijah and carefully got out of bed stealing one of his botton ups then grabbed your panties glad he didn't torn them.

"You must be the stripper." You heard someone say as you had gone down to get a snack and water. You looked up seeing it was Hayley, you knew who she was as Elijah told you about her when you indulge him with a private dance.

"I'm......"

"Look I don't care. We both know what you are. A gold digger. Let me guess you let Elijah pay for a few dances, then manipulated Elijah into bed to use him."

You swallowed hiding the pain of what Hayley said and normally you could take it as you were use to wives coming to yell at you. But this hit harder for some reason and you didn't know why. You looked at Hayley.

"No...that's not...what I'm."

"Really? Elijah had spent a lot of money on you and now you are sleeping with him. I think we both know that is a lie. Elijah needs someone better that isn't some lonely stripper." Hayley said as you stood up leaving the kitchen as Hayley stood there arms crossed.

You were on autopilot putting your pants on grabbing your shirt not changing out Elijah's and grabbed your purse looking at a sleeping Elijah. You decided to not leave a note and left the compound not seeing that Hayley was watching.

"Are you sure?" Your boss asked frowning handing your last check to you. You had told your boss that you were quitting and thank her for taking such good care of you.

"Y...y...yeah I just...need something new." You said normally a strong woman but Elijah had soften you. As you used to now being taken care of, able to feel safe for once but what Hayley said hit too close.

"Okay suga but know you are always welcome back. You're family." Your ex boss said hugging you and you hugged back. You said goodbye to the bartender, Andy, and bouncer Daniel both were like big brothers you never had. Once you got your boxes in your car you left New Orleans.

It hurt to leave but you knew you could run into Elijah a little too easy and you knew you'll crawl back to the vampire. You drove until you reached New York finding a tiny apartment and settled down there.

"Where could she have gone?" Elijah growled as Freya was doing a locater spell which was being proven difficult. It only took Elijah an hour to noticed you had left not only his side but the city.

"What is going on?" Hayley asked seeing an angry Elijah and smirking Klaus as Freya was trying to locate something.

"Elijah's little dancer had ran away."

"Oh? I didn't know you were dating." Hayley said thinking she kinda knew who Klaus was about but she wasn't too sure.

"Little wolf they weren't dating. More like the girl belongs to Elijah. But for some reason she left." Klaus said smirking devilishly making Hayley nervous thinking Klaus may know something.

"Belonging to him?"

"I saved her from a client that was too pushy. We talked shared a drink then a month later I was wounded bleeding out in front of her building. She cleaned me up and allowed me to feed from her."

"Since then she is the only one he feeds from unless it is a blood bag." Klaus said surprising Hayley as she looked at Elijah.

"Is that a normal vampire thing?"

"Yes and last night I finally got her to fully give herself to me. But someone has sow seeds of lies in her so once I bring her home. I will find who drove her from me."

Elijah's tone was dark and Klaus stood seeing the red door opening. While Klaus knew what you meant to Elijah, he didn't think you were red door opening worthy.

"I am sure whoever's responsible brother, didn't know how much Y/N meant to you." Klaus said slowly as Hayley looked at Klaus shocked. Now Klaus over heard that morning now he was planning to tease Hayley but now knowing Elijah's red door was opening. It was different.

"Do you know something Niklaus?" Elijah asked calmly too calm as Klaus knew he could take Elijah, Klaus knew Hayley wouldn't have a chance. And before Klaus could say a word he was glad Freya interrupted.

"She is in New York." Once those words left Freya, Elijah was gone. Klaus looked to Hayley.

"Pray Elijah, gets her back Hayley as there is so much I can do to calm Elijah." Klaus said as Hayley let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

You had just gotten off work feeling sore as the new place you danced at was more demanding but the tips were bigger. You locked your apartment door dropping your bag and keys on the hall table and kicking off heels.

"I would have gotten you a bigger place." You nearly screamed when you saw Elijah sitting in your chair.

"Elijah wh...." You were cut off by Elijah giving you a heated kiss lifting you up by your thighs. You couldn't help but moan into the kiss as Elijah growled deeply taking you over to the chair he was sitting in.

"Now baby. Why did you leave and don't lie." Elijah said pulling you closer as you swallowed seeing the dark glit in his eye the same one he had before fucking you silly.

"I ran into Hayley and well......" You trailed off insecurities you had long forgotten came flooding back as you realized the reason it hurt was because you were in love with Elijah.

"Baby, what happened?" Elijah asked gently wiping the tears at fell from your eyes. You took a shakey breath looking at Elijah seeing his eyes soften.

"Hayley called me a gold digger, telling me that I used you and told me you need.......someone that wasn't a lonely stripper."

Elijah felt a flare of anger for what Hayley had done but focused on you placing soft kisses on your skin reaching up behind you unzipping your dress.

"If anyone needs better baby. It is you, remember I chased you. You could never use me as you are too good for that." Elijah says undressing you slowly until you were in only lingerie.

"But...." You were silenced by a kiss as Elijah held the back of your head gently tugging on your hair. You moaned softly rolling your hips but Elijah stopped you with his other hand.

"I need to punish you for leaving and coming to me about this problem."

"Before you can I just say I love you Elijah." You tell him flushing as arousal flooded your veins seeing the dark look Elijah gave you.

"I love you too baby." Elijah says softly picking you up as he stood up taking you to your bedroom. Indeed Elijah's punishment was one you wouldn't forget as he took you to a place that you didn't know could be reached.

You panted laying on Elijah as he traced random patterns on your bare back as you both whispered I love yous. You both knew you weren't going to let the other go any time soon.

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

do u have any narcissa (or andromeda) fic recs?

okay, so. I have yet to find one fic where everybody in the House of Black is written just the way I want and like. so I actually write more than read about them, I just don't post it because it's v messy and self-indulgent.

but if I disconnect from that in my head there are lots of fics I love, here are some from my bookmarks:

Narcissa and Andromeda: Road to reconciliation - a collection of short stories about Andromeda and Narcissa. Amazing one-shots, I adore these.

Sisters of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black - another great collection of stories about the Black sisters

Thicker than water - An exploration of Tonk's feelings about her Black family heritage. (written by @artemisia-black - they have a lot of works centered around the Blacks and the way they are written and their characterisation is amazingly accurate)

Away on Break - oneshot - Andy & Cissy. Andromeda misses her sister.

Smile Away - oneshot - snippets of Narcissa & Regulus throughout the years

They were only boys and don't burn out like he did - short one-shots of Narcissa drawing parallels between Regulus and Draco

I Bet My Life (There's You in Everything I Do) - 7.7K - Narccisa/Dorcas helping Regulus at the cave and with the horcruxes. lots of Cissy & Reggie interactions, which is my fav thing in the world.

Half-Mourning - oneshot - Regulus & Narcissa talk before Sirius' disownment ceremony

sweet prince - oneshot - Narcissa tells Draco about Regulus

Light as Air - 90K, complete - Narcissa/Marlene - Narcissa switches sides in the first war fic, canon divergence

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Additional Date Night

Summary- 2.2k Ransom Drysdale x Kitten. You are on a date with Neil. Neil who is trying to be sweet and caring with you, Neil who makes you want to scream in frustration. Ransom though happens to find his way there too and you want to scream all over again in frustration.

Warnings- This is a cheater fic. Smut, 18+ Blog.

A/N- another self-indulgent piece about this couple because they are currently living in my mind.

Masterlist

“Andy Barber always thinks he has to have the last word.” Neil sputtered from across the table which you used your fork to push around the last of your salad. You were only half paying attention to Neil now. What was supposed to have been a nice date night, turned into Neil arriving home in a foul mood, then take you out to dinner in the same manner.

Something about his coworker competition having been given a high-profile case over him. “Y/N?” You heard him say your name and you blinked up at him with a slightly surprised look before you recovered.

“Sorry, I don’t know where my mind went.” You offered and he smiled a bit, reaching over to take your hand.

“No, I'm sorry, I have been complaining about work the whole time and here we are supposed to be enjoying a night out.” His thumb brushed over your knuckles. “How has your day been? I feel like we haven't really been able to just talk in a while.”

That's because you two haven't. While usually the long amounts of time separated didn't bother you much, Neil was a steady comfort. You always knew that you two would pick back up right where you two left off.

He was safe and reliable.

You really needed to give him more effort, instead of what you have been actually doing.

It had been days since Ransom stormed into Johanna's office and took you by surprise. Only coming to find out later that Ransom was looking for financial legal assistance on signing over his portion of his inheritance that Harlan already gave him due to his involvement with Blood Like Wine, not to mention Ransom’s name being added as a partial owner of the company. Johanna was helping him dot the i’s and cross the t’s.

Since that day, Ransom had sent a few messages to you, to which you responded happily, letting yourself once more get caught up in the chaos of Hugh Ransom Drysdale.

And you were once more feeling like the worst person in the world because anything Neil discussed just seemed dull in comparison.

You really had to get your shit together.

“It’s been busy Neil, I have been away just as much as you have.” You smiled at him and gave his fingers a squeeze before pulling away to pick your fork back up and scoop up another bite of your overpriced salad. “Johanna has been picking up more and more cases. I'm sure pretty soon we will be spending a week in Boston just so you know. Got to be in court there early and long days doesn't make sense to make the drives back here you know.” You continued.

“Well let me know when, maybe I can take a few days near the weekend.” Neil turned back to his own steak and salad dinner, taking a few bites himself. “We can have a small getaway in the city. Show me all your old haunts.”

“Perhaps, I will have to get back to you on whether Johanna will have me working or not.”

She wouldn't, but you just weren't sure if you wanted to bring Neil into Boston with you.

You two feel a bit silent, passing over deeper conversation for the occasional compliment to the meal or a few minutes chatter about your day when your phone buzzes.

“Excuse me a moment Neil. Might be Johanna, want a drink at the bar?” You offered and he nodded with a smile, when you snatched your phone to get up, you pressed a kiss to his cheek and stepped away.

How’s date night going? Ellie had told you earlier she would check in and when you reached the bar, you waited at the end, responding.

It’s okay. Neil took me to a nice place and we've been talking about work.

Talking about work? Doesn't sound much like a date night.

We are past the flirting honeymoon stage El

Lame. Was all she responded to and you had to agree with her. It was lame, you sighed to yourself.

I know, you are right. I need to put in more effort.

There was a pause where she was typing something out when a warm hand swept along your bare back, a hand that was not Neils. A familiar cologne filled your senses and you turned around to see Ransom smirking beside you.

“Ransom! What are you doing here?” You asked in surprise and he shrugged a bit, looking you up and down.

“You look awful dressed up tonight Kitten.” Ignoring your question completely.

You glanced down at yourself while tucking your phone away. “Yes, I'm out with Neil.”

His smug look closed off slightly as his gaze darkened. “Of course, I should have guessed. Can I have a bourbon on the rocks over here?”

You tapped your finger against the bar, making him look at you. “And yourself?” You gave a pointed look, he was wearing one of his comfort items you were familiar with, having worn it several times yourself. You knew how the soft sweater felt on your bare thighs, nothing but soft and comforting.

“Coming out with a few editors, trying to wine and dine them at Harlan’s request. They haven’t arrived yet.” His bourbon slipped to him and you asked for a glass of red wine and scotch for yourself. Ransom took a sip of his drink, tongue darting out to catch droplets off his soft lip.

A lip you really wanted to kiss right now just looking at it. “You got company, Kitten.” He leaned in to brush a kiss to your cheek in a friendly way when he stepped back, eyes glinting in a challenge when you felt Neil come up on your other side.

“Thought you got lost, Dear. Who’s this?” The lawyer sized Ransom up, Ransom tilted his head in wait while you stuttered.

“Oh, um, well this is Ransom.” You squeaked as the bartender brought your drinks back to you. “Ransom, this is my boyfriend Neil.” Neil held his hand out to Ransom, who gave a shake to his hand.

“Y/N and I are old friends.” Ransom smirked at the implication of his words. He looked over your shoulder. “And now my associates are here, so I should return to them. It was good seeing you as I said before Y/N.” He gave your shoulder a slight squeeze and bypassed the two of you to leave you two alone.

“Ransom… isn't that the man your father dislikes so much after you two broke up?” Neil gave you a questioning look while he picked up his drink.

Your eyes slipped shut for a second, quelling the slight panic in your chest. “Yes, but that was years ago.” You leaned up to peck him on the lips. “We knew back then we weren't really good together. I’m going to go to the bathroom, I also have to return Johanna’s call. Mind bringing this back to the table?”

Taking your wine, you yet again escaped Neil and hopefully any more run-ins with Ransom tonight. Going into the ladies' room, you busied yourself at the sink.

Close, another close call and you were really playing with fire. You thought to yourself while snapping the sink on to pat a bit of cool water on your face. “Fucking stupid Y/N, so stupid.”

“What was stupid Kitten?” Ransom clicked the door to a lock and you lifted your gaze up to him in the mirror.

“Everything I’m doing.” You shook your head while Ransom came up behind you, his fingers bunching in the dress you were wearing and starting to pull it up. Soon kisses on your neck had you tilting your head, blinking up at the lights while pulling at your lip.

“Well I happen to disagree, Im fucking glad I ran into you tonight.” His hand palmed a breast through your dress and you could feel the excitement pool inside of you.

You didn't even make an attempt to stop him, just leaned back into his touch. “But is that all I am? Just an old friend Y/N?”

You whimpered when you felt the snap of his teeth against a pulse point. You could see the bit of hurt in his eyes staring at you through the mirror, and you turned around to face him, sliding your hands under his soft sweater to the man underneath. “I'm sorry Ransom, I just didn't know what to say at that exact moment.”

“I can think of a few things you could have said.” Ransom rumbled out while his hands clapped behind your thighs to perch you on the counter, stepping into you and you could feel the hardness pressing in the juncture of your thighs, melting into the kisses he started flushing on your jawline. “You know you are mine Kitten, you always have been. It was a mistake when we broke up.”

You bowed your head to him, tilting to catch his lips with yours, maybe to shut him up. But your thighs tightened around his waist and your hands dropped to his belt to flick it open. “Shut up Ransom, shut up and fuck me or else I have to go back out there.”

“Rather stay in here and get fucked dirty?” Ransom smirked as you dipped your hand into his pants and started to rub his cock while pulling him out, his fingers reached to hook a finger in your panties and push them to the side.

You couldn't help the words, they fell from you so easily that any other time you would have held back. Only Ransom could make you plead like this. Especially with the way his fingers were making your cunt flutter, squeezing around him in search of satisfaction. “Yes, Ransom.” You squeezed around his cock with your fingers, making red heat rush to his cheeks and a hiss escape from him.

You weren't without your own ways to make the man need you as badly as you always seemed to need him. “Fuck Kitten.”

“Fuck me hard and fast Ransom.” You purred at him while tightening your legs around him.

Ransom swatted your hands away and lined himself up to your aching core, shoving himself in with a demanding thrust that made you arch into him with a muffled cry against his shoulder. Grasping at the back of his sweater, you felt him stretch you wide and harshly, fucking himself into you immediately, just like you had asked for.

“Fuck you dirty and send you back to him dripping my cum Kitten.” He said darkly against your ear as he dug hands into your hips, jarring you back and forth. How he was able to have you this fucked for him, the way he could maneuver you just right, angle just right to have you squeezing your eyes shut and pressing your face into his shoulder while you were whining his name.

How easily he made you this babbling mindless mess that you would risk it all for yet again. Your nails dug into the cream color crewneck he was wearing, the sweater bunching in your palms while you press your heels into his ass.

“When he asks why you're squirming Kitten, you can tell another lie to him.” You nodded at his words while he hissed in your ear. “Then rush home and when he fucks you, you will already be stretched out from my cock.”

There were no lies there, but Neil wouldn't even notice once he started and you were going to spend the time comparing him to Ransom.

Whom in a matter of minutes had your eyes rolling back and your cunt squeezing him so hard that it was driving you mad. His thumb circled your clit that had you bucking for him. “That's right Kitten, you will be thinking of me later and you make sure you call me when it gets to be too much.” He twisted you up to him, kissing you fiercely, tongue clashing around yours and swallowing your squeals as you flooded his cock.

You were flooded with warmth as Ransom slowed himself, pulling you in close so your forehead leaned against his shoulder, catching your breath. When he pulled away, you eased your hold around him. Ransom snapped your panties back in place and pulled your dress back down around your thighs, the both of you quiet for a moment.

It only took a few minutes, both of you still feeling wrapped in the other one, it felt dirty but right. So good, you couldn't deny feeling full of Ransom’s cum still was making you ache all over for him again.

He tucked himself away. A quick glance in the mirror had you fixing your hair and your lipstick. “I have to get back out there Ransom.”

“Yup, so do I, Kitten, I have a table waiting on me.” He said quietly, seeming to pull away from you faster than usual. “Give me a call sometime.” He flicked the lock and left you all alone in the bathroom, your chest tightening at the sudden departure.

You stalled a few more moments to get your emotions under control and before you left the bathroom to rejoin Neil, you glanced down at your phone to see what Ellie had messaged you before you met Ransom at the bar.

Maybe putting in more effort is not the answer with Neil.

[talkfastromance4]

Flowers 4+1// ashton irwin oneshot

A/N: this is my first ever 4+1 fic so I’m kind of nervous, thank you Angie @littledrummerangie for the idea! This is also SUPER indulgent as being a birthday fic for me and a birthday fic with Ashton😅 since mine is the day before his. This has everything I love in it, flowers, hot tubs, a cabin, christmas, love… This is 4 times Ashton gives you flowers and 1 time you give him flowers

Word count: 6k

Masterlist

Enjoy!💕

*****

One

The first time they met was when Andy and Sarah invited Ashton to help her move into her new place. The movers basically set all the boxes and furniture into her house and then left her to her own devices. She called Andy and Sarah for help and if they had any reinforcements it would be greatly appreciated. 

She was trying to find wine glasses when there was a knock at the door. When she opened it she had to look up at her guest. His copper brown hair fell in waves and necklaces hung perfectly down his neck, his hazel eyes were bright and friendly.

First, she noticed how good looking he is and the second thing she noticed was the mason jar filled with orange and peach flowers. 

“Uh, hi can I help you?” she asks suddenly feeling very self-conscious of her ratty t-shirt and paint splotched shorts. 

“I’m Ashton and I’m your honorary mover,” he smiles. “Andy called me. You must be Y/N.”

“Must be. I mean--yes, I am! And oh, right, wow. Sorry, please come in and thank you for helping,” she says, moving aside to let him in.

“Yeah, of course. These are for you,” he holds out the mason jar. “A housewarming gift.”

“Thank you so much,” she smiles, taking the flowers with both hands. Their fingers brush. “I’ve never gotten flowers before.”

“Really?” his eyes bore into hers and she’s momentarily frazzled. 

“Apart from my mom or grandpa but...um, I’ll put these in the kitchen. Andy’s in the bedroom putting the bed together if you’d like to help in there.”

She escapes into the kitchen where Sarah is wiping down the fridge. 

“Who was at the door? What pretty flowers!” 

“Your friend Ashton and he gave me these,” you touch one of the roses before burying your nose in the plumage. The petals tickle your nose and the scent is wonderful. 

“He’s sweet like that,” Sarah smiles. “Did you find the glasses?”

“No,” Y/N huffs, setting the flowers on the counter by the sink. “They’re probably in the bathroom or something.”

“We’ll find them.”

The four of them continue working on unpacking and it isn’t until about 10 o’clock when Andy and Ashton enter the living room.

“The bed, vanity, and dressers are all assembled,” Andy announces wiping at his brow. 

“We’re the poor man's Avengers,” Ashton laughs. “We put the bed in the middle of the wall and the vanity next to the window. Best lighting to do make-up.”

“That’s...perfect actually, thank you guys,” Y/N smiles, balling up the newspaper and shoving it in a large garbage bag. She just finished placing her books on the shelves, she’ll sort them later in the week. 

“We were thinking of getting pizza,” Andy says.

“Pizza sounds great! Here, I’ll give you some money--”

“No, my treat,” Ashton says, “you’ve been working hard.”

After eating pizza they all went back to unpacking and Ashton made comments about the art pieces she has. He asks where she wants each one hung up. 

“You don’t have to do that, I’ll put them up later,” she waves her hand at him. 

“It’s my job as honorary mover,” he grins. 

Midnight came upon them sooner than she would like. Andy and Sarah headed out because of Pebbles, she’s been cooped up all day so it was just Ashton and Y/N. He asked questions while unpacking to get to know her better and he was very open to her questions. 

He stayed until 3 in the morning but he made sure to get her number before he left. She took a photo of the flowers on the counter before going to bed.

Two

She changed her outfit about a dozen times. Her bed was covered in discarded clothes and she still had to put on her makeup. The clock on her wall ticked reminding her that Ashton would be here in a little less than an hour. 

It’s been six months since he helped her move in and in that time, they became close. He showed her all of the best coffee shops and bookstores he knew of. He introduced her to the rest of his band and they accepted her kindly. 

She accompanied them on outings, parties, and Ashton always made sure to stick close with her. He knew she was shy around new people so he always made sure to include her in conversation. 

One night when he was walking her back to her door after going to dinner with the band and their significant others, he was acting strange. He was unusually quiet and she’d find him staring at her across the table. 

“So, I’ll see you Monday, right?” she asked, shuffling through her purse for her house key. 

“How about Saturday?” 

“This Saturday? I thought we were going to try that new restaurant Monday with Andy and Sarah?”

“I mean, we can do that, too but I was thinking...Saturday could just be us. You and me.”

The air changed between them and she stopped looking for her keys. She turned to face him but she couldn’t quite read his expression. 

“Oh, okay. Did you want to watch that new movie on Netflix?”

“Y/N, I’m trying to ask you on a date here,” he laughed nervously rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Ask me on a...you are? Oh God, and I’m ruining it. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize--”

“You could never ruin anything,” he smiled. “But, would you like to go on a date with me this Saturday?” his hazel eyes were hopeful and Y/N couldn’t believe this was actually happening. 

“I’d love to Ash,” she smiled. 

And now here she is, half naked and indecisive on what to wear. She shouldn’t be freaking out like this, it’s Ashton. But it’s also *Ashton. Ashton who can always make her laugh and he makes her feel safe and they always have fun together. But it’s also Ashton who gives her butterflies whenever he touches her lower back and her heart race when he gives her a hug. 

Her phone buzzes and it’s Ashton letting her know he’ll be there in forty-five minutes. She lets out a loud groan and goes back to her closet, maybe a new article of clothing she’s never seen will just reappear. 

To her astonishment, there was a maroon dress that she wore to a wedding. 

“Might as well,” she sighs and puts it on. It really doesn’t look half bad as she looks at herself in the mirror. 

She rushes to put on her makeup and by the time she spritzes on her perfume, the doorbell rings. She checks that she has everything in her clutch and moves to the door. 

It’s like a deja vu moment from six months ago because he’s handsome as ever and holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand. His necklaces are perched perfectly in the V of his white button up shirt and it contrasts nicely with his skin. These flowers are full of pink and white flowers with a hint of peach thrown in there. The ivory paper crinkles when his fingers squeeze it, his eyes widen at the sight of her. 

“Wow, you look...wow.”

“You’re pretty wow yourself,” she giggles then glances at the flowers. “Are those for me?”

“Um, yes,” he holds his hand out, the flowers bumping your chest. “Shit, sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she laughs, taking them from him and buries her face in the center of it. “They smell wonderful, thank you so much. I’ll just put them in water and then we can go.”

He follows her into the house, she doesn’t see him glance down at her ass in the dress. He’s rubbing his neck again when she looks at him getting a vase from the counter. She fills it with water and arranges the flowers. 

“So, where are we going?”

**

They’re sitting outside the restaurant, it’s a warm breezy summer night. The rustic atmosphere feels comfortable but when she flicks her gaze at Ashton over the drink menu, he’s drinking his glass of water heartily. His other hand is tapping against the table, it’s a thing he does when he’s nervous. 

“Thirsty, huh?” She tries to ease his unusual activity and he shakes his head.

“Yeah, throat’s a little dry,” he clears his throat just as the waitress comes by. 

She takes their drink order and Ashton requests a pitcher of water if it’s available. Their roles are reversed, she’s the one doing most of the talking and he’s the one who’s listening. She can tell he’s still being reserved so she takes out her phone and points it at him.

“Smiiile!” She sings turning on portrait mode. 

“Why?” He laughs nervously but it makes him smile so she snaps the photo. 

“Because, the lighting is perfect and you look cute,” she flirts with a smile.

Ashton laughs again but it’s his real laugh, the laugh that always gets her laughing. She snaps as many photos as she can and it seems to have done the job of making him act like himself. Even though they’ve hung out nearly everyday, the evening still had the air of a first date. 

They even tried each other’s food. She stabbed her chicken and noodle with her fork, blew on it, and fed it to him across the table. 

“Wow, that is really good,” he hums in approval. He swirls his own noodles on his fork and feeds her slowly. 

“That sauce is amazing,” she moans, loving the lemon flavor. 

They share a dessert of chocolate mousse and split the strawberry. After dinner, he took her to the art museum. They're open later in the summertime. There were only a few people meandering in the open space and standing stagnant in front of pieces. 

“This is why I wanted to bring you here,” he says, taking her hand easily in his own. 

Her butterflies returned and he lead her all the way to the back. It was a Claude Monet exhibit and she tried to look at the paintings but Ashton was on a mission to a certain piece. He stops in front of it and she stares in amazement at the painting. It’s of Claude Monet on his boat. She gasps, staring at it and Ashton is staring at her. 

It’s the painting she tried to replicate when she was younger in her art class. It’s the painting that introduced her to Monet because the style was similar and it always stuck with her. She told him she wanted to find the painting when they first met and stayed up until 3 in the morning.

“You remembered this?” she asks, stepping closer to it. She makes sure their hands are still locked together, his thumb is rubbing her skin in soothing circles. 

“Your eyes always light up when you talk about things that matter to you. They’re always so bright when you talk about him...and when I give you flowers.”

“Ashton this is…” she shakes her head at a loss for words. She gazes upon the painting, loving the visibility of the palette strokes and the blending of the colors. Tears formed in her eyes. “This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it,” she wipes the stray tear that slipped from her eye.

“Hey,” he says softly. His fingers graze her cheek tilting her face towards him. 

His thumb rubs at the leftover tear, his own face inching closer to hers. She closes her eyes, exhaling when his lips brush against hers. He squeezes her hand, his lips controlled and gentle yet also hesitant. As if he’s testing the waters. 

They unabashedly makeout in front of the paintings and in her mind she’s thinking of what they look like to an outsider. Still life man and woman lost in each other.

Three

The holidays arrived faster than she wanted them to. She still had a ton of shopping to do for her family but at least her flight is scheduled. Ashton is accompanying her on the trip and she’s so excited for him to meet her family. 

“Make sure you aren’t doing anything the weekend before the holiday,” he tells her unravelling lights from her box of Christmas decorations. 

“How come?” she asks searching through the tv for the claymation movies she loves to watch.

“That’s when I’m going to give you my present.”

“You need a whole weekend to do that?” she laughs. 

“I won’t say anything more than that,” he smirks at her. 

“I can help with that--”

“I got it sorted,” he waves her off, “you enjoy your movies.”

“Have I told you you’re the most amazing boyfriend?” she wraps her arms around his waist. Ashton shifts the lights into one hand so he can hold her against him with his free hand. 

“You’ve never told me that,” he grins and kisses her. 

“I’m sure I have,” she mumbles between kisses. Her hands slip under his shirt, thumbs grazing over his warm skin causing Ashton to grunt at the contact.

His hand rubs up her back and into her hair, he breaks the kiss with a shaky breath. “Let me finish putting these lights up and we can get back to this, baby.”

“We could get to this faster if you let me help,” she stresses, pinching his skin. “You never let me do anything.”

“You do plenty, baby,” he smiles, kissing her forehead. 

She sighs and retreats to the couch curling up to watch the movie and Ashton wrap and weave the lights around her tree. Two and a half movies later he was finally finished and turned the lights on. The white light reflected on her wooden floor and she beamed at his job well done.

“It’s perfect! Thank you!” she throws her arms around his neck in a big hug. 

“My pleasure,” he chuckles and kisses her temple. She starts to give small kisses to his neck, featherlight and ticklish on his skin. “Get outta here, you know I’m ticklish.”

“What are you gonna do about it?” she teases continuing her small attack of affection. 

Ashton shifts her in his arms making his way to her couch and drops onto the cushions. She situated herself so she’s straddling his waist. His hands smooth over the curve of her ass while his lips suction kisses along her jaw and to her neck. She shivers at the contact, tugging at his curls when he sucks a mark.

“This is what I’m gonna do about it,” he says gruffly and rocks her against his hips. 

“Okay,” she sighs, enjoying his mouth on her neck and the bulge in his pants rubbing against her core with each rock he makes her do. She moans when his hands move to her thighs and gives her a squeeze. 

Needing more of him, she drags his head away from her neck so she can feel his lips on her own again. She rolls her hips against his without his help and his hands slip under her shirt, moaning when he feels she’s not wearing a bra. 

“Damn, baby,” he growls cupping her breasts together. He tweaks her nipples and she squeaks in his mouth. “You like that?”

“Feels good,” she nods nipping at his lip. His phone rings and buzzes in his pocket, the vibration adds another element to her arousal.

“Leave it, they can leave a message,” he pants, sucking another kiss from her. 

His phone stops ringing only for hers to start on the coffee table behind them. She breaks the kiss and turns around trying to see the caller ID.

“Leave it,” he repeats, squeezing her breasts again.

“It could be an emergency,” she reaches for her phone to see it’s Sarah calling. “Hello?” She picks it up staring at Ashton and he smirks, lifting her shirt up. He takes her nipple between his lips and she scowls at him. “Oh, that was tonight? Um, yeah he’s with me. We’ll be right over. Okay, yeah…” she sighs when his teeth tug on her nipple. “See you soon.”

She tosses the phone to the couch and tosses her head back relishing in his mouth on her sensitive bud for a moment longer. Their physical relationship is progressing slowly, they’ve almost had sex three times (now four if Sarah hadn’t called) but she likes the pace they’re going at. 

“We need to go to Andy and Sarah’s,” she strokes his cheek curling his hair around his ear.

“Why? I’d rather stay here,” he shifts his mouth to her other breast, his tongue rolling over her nipple salaciously. 

“Mm, me too but it’s their Christmas party tonight. And we’re late by two hours,” she snickers, fingers still tangled in his hair. She has goosebumps from what his mouth is doing to her.

“I’m sick, can’t go.”

“Ashton!” she laughs pushing his head away from her chest. “We won’t see them until after the holiday. Come on, let’s go.”

She crawls off him, turns her tv off and changes her top, and puts on a bra. When she comes back Ashton is still sitting on the couch. She leans over the back of it next to his head. 

“Do I have to drag you off this couch?” she murmurs in his ear.

“I need a few moments,” he huffs, shifting his legs. 

“Oh,” she giggles, seeing exactly why because he still has a prominent bulge in his pants. “I’m sorry. Can I help?” she kisses down his cheek to the corner of his mouth. 

“You helped make this problem,” he laughs, turning his head to kiss her lips. 

**

The Christmas party was a hit and it’s the weekend before Christmas. Y/N was awakened by Ashton petting her hair and kissing her cheek, he used the spare key she gave him for emergencies.

“What a way to wake up,” she smiles, pulling him on top of her. His strong arms are caged around her head and his body weight makes her feel protected. 

“Your coffee is all ready, now you just have to pack and we’ll be on our way.”

“No breakfast in bed?” She traces his eyebrows. 

“I can make you breakfast in bed tomorrow*,” he nuzzles his nose against hers. “There’s a present by your coffee mug if that will help you get  your cute ass outta bed.”

Then his weight is off her and she’s left scrambling out of bed to follow him into the kitchen where her coffee is already in her to-go mug with a card and a bouquet of red roses and cranberries inside to make it more of a holiday special. He’s standing next to the small gifts with a grin on his face. 

“I love these, they’re so pretty,” she gushes, lifting the bouquet to her nose. She loves the sweet smell of a rose. 

“You’re so pretty when I give you flowers,” he comments, lifting up the red envelope. 

She holds the flowers against her chest and unfolds the envelope. Inside is a white card with writing formed in the shape of a Christmas tree, a star placed on top. The words read:

“TO A 

KIND

STRONG

BRILLIANT

SO BEAUTIFUL

AND TRULY AMAZING

GIRLFRIEND”

Ashton wrote his own inscription inside in his nice loopy script:

‘The past year with you has been one of the best of my life. Our friendship was the perfect foundation for a relationship and I can’t imagine what my world would be like now if you weren’t in it. So this weekend, it will just be me and you in our own little cabin, no interruptions. xx Ash’

“A cabin?”

**

After the 2 hour and 40 minute flight to Seattle, she and Ashton arrived at the cabin where a dusting of snow covered the ground and a wreath was on the door. Y/N was floored at how beautiful it was and Ashton took her hand leading her up the wooden steps. He took a key out and unlocked the door. 

It smelled like cinnamon and Ashton with cozy couches and armchairs, a large rug in front of a stone fireplace and a massive kitchen with a grill attached to a chimney. A Christmas tree was set up with presents scattered underneath and there was a large bouquet of roses on the kitchen table. 

“Ash…” she begins and then can’t find more words. 

“There’s more, c’mon,” he smiles, leading her up the winding staircase and into a loft area where a futon was and empty bookshelves. There were a few guitars on stands placed in the corner and some incense sticks. “What do you think?” He leans against the railing and Y/N ventures into the room.

“I think it’s wonderful, but there aren’t any books. Is this someone’s cabin and you’re renting it? I can chip in--”

“No, no. It is someone’s cabin...mine.”

She whips around from looking out the half circle window overlooking the backyard where she saw another grill and some chairs. 

“This place is yours?”

“Yep. I come here when I need to get away and just let my creative ideas flow. You can fill the bookshelves if you’d like.”

“Ash this is…” she shakes her head then launches herself into his arms for a hug. “This is incredible. And we’re here the whole weekend? Just us?”

“Just us, angel,” he nods, rubbing at her back. “There’s also a hot tub.”

His voice changed at the mention of the hot tub because she didn’t bring a suit. 

***

Ashton’s plan for Friday evening was to unpack and go into town for a nice meal. After dinner, they changed into their sleep clothes and snuggled on the couch with hot chocolate watching the first Home Alone movie because they’re her favorite movies. Her mind was on that hot tub and her stomach twisted with excited nerves at the thought of using it. She wanted to use it now but her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth each time she tried to bring it up. 

She was also thinking of how this would be their first time sleeping together. Ashton never stayed the night because he didn’t want to give her the wrong impression. She found it sweet but it also increased her infatuation for him even more.

When she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore, he had her lean on him while they walked to the bedroom. The bed was huge with a large comforter and even fluffier looking pillows. It looked heavenly and she slipped inside willingly. She rolled over and became awake again at the look on Ashton’s face. 

She tossed over the blanket on his side of the bed and patted the space below the pillow inviting him in. He crawled in carefully and shut the lights off and they were in darkness. Ashton remained sitting against the headboard and Y/N reached out for him in the dark. His forearm was warm and soft.

“Are you going to sleep like that the whole night?” she whispers, giving his arm a squeeze.

“No,” he whispers back, sliding further down the bed. Her hand now rested on his chest, she could feel his heart beating. He turns on his side clutching her hand in his. “Is it weird I’m nervous? I feel like I’m fifteen.”

“You first slept with a girl at fifteen?” she laughs.

“No, I meant--being around girls at that age made me nervous,” he chuckles. 

“I’m nervous, too. But in a good way. Just warning you, I’m a kicker so I apologize in advance.”

“Why are we still whispering, we’re the only ones here,” he says, raising his voice to a normal level. That only makes her giggle more. 

“I don’t know, it fits the mood with you regressing back to fifteen years old. Our parents could walk in at any moment.” She scoots closer to him, so close that she can feel his breath fan on her face. 

“I hope they don’t,” he murmurs, inching closer in the dark until he finds her lips. It’s a tender kiss, the kind of kiss that took her breath away slowly and made her heart smile. 

She keeps him close with her hand pressed to his cheek. They kiss and talk in hushed tones until she falls asleep and Ashton tickles up her back until sleep finally finds him, too.

Saturday morning did indeed include breakfast in bed. Ashton made pancakes, bacon, coffee and a small bowl of fruit. His itinerary for the day consisted of lounging around the cabin watching holiday movies and then he was going to make her a steak dinner. She insisted on helping him in the kitchen amidst his protests.

“I’m not a good cook but I’m a very good listener. I’m your sous chef.”

“What does ‘sous chef 'even mean?” he asks getting the ingredients out of the fridge. 

“It means ‘under.’”

“Ah, so you’re under me, huh?” he winks. 

“Let me help you cook and I just might be,” she challenged with a smile. Ashton shakes his head, a slight blush rising on his cheeks. 

She followed his instructions with the garlic and mashed potatoes. The dinner was exquisite paired with a delicious white wine. They each had a full glass, their bellies full and face warm from the wine, they were extra giggly and extra flirty. 

“How about that hot tub?” he asks, circling the rim of the wine glass with his finger.

“Did you pack a suit?” She raises her eyebrows. 

 “Nope.”

“I didn’t pack a suit either,” she points to her chest.

“Must have slipped my mind,” he gulps the last swallow of his wine, eyes on her.

“What a shame.”

He sets his glass on the table and takes her hands in his, his eyes looking almost apologetic. “You can wear a t-shirt and shorts. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” He kisses both of her hands. 

“Go get the water ready.”

Twenty minutes later, she walks out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel and Ashton is already in the water. His arms are resting on the sides of the tub, his face even redder from the steam, his eyes hold hers steadily. 

The confidence she had in the bathroom is gone. She wanted to come out here and just get in the water completely naked, but now she’s nervous because what if she was reading the signs wrong? What if he doesn’t really want to have sex with her?

“Um, can you close your eyes while I get in?” she asks.

“‘Course,” he closes his eyes.

She takes a deep breath dropping the towel. The air kisses her skin and she climbs up the steps carefully. The water is hot as she descends into the tub, she bends down so only her head is exposed above the water. Ashton remains still and she inches closer to him until their knees touch.

“Hi there,” he smiles softly.

“Hi.”

“Can I open my eyes now?”

First she nods then realizes he can’t see her so she clears her throat. “Yes.”

He opens his eyes slowly, and they look so pretty in the nighttime sky. He’s looking at her like he’s staring into the full face of the moon, his eyes are full of wonder and adoration and her confidence starts to rise within her. 

The longer he looks at her, the more bold she becomes and she rises up from the water. Her breasts are completely exposed. Ashton licks his lips, his eyes lowering over her wet chest. She doesn’t want to break the spell that’s cast between them so she moves towards him slowly, her hands rest on his shoulders. His arms remain on the sides of the tub. 

“Ashton.”

“Yeah?” 

“Touch me.”

In a flash, his lips are on hers and she’s pressed to his chest. His large hands cover her back, one dips over her ass and she gasps when she feels his hard-on against her thigh. He lifts her effortlessly in the water so she’s straddling him. 

Instinctively, she rubs herself against him groaning at how he rubs against her most sensitive area perfectly. 

“Need you,” she whispers against his mouth.

“Bed,” he gasps.

They exit the tub excitedly, drying off as quickly as they can and she presses herself against him in front of the bed. Their bodies are warm from the tub and he lifts her in his arms again. She loves feeling his muscles wrapped taut around her, he knees onto the bed and stays there. Their arms are wrapped around each other and they remain kissing.

“Do you have something?” she asks, pulling away to catch her breath. She twists his chest hair in her fingers.

“Um, yeah. Shit, hang on,” he sighs, slipping her back onto the bed. She watches him appreciatively as he skimpers to the kitchen pulling his coat off the hook.

“You have a really nice butt,” she compliments when he returns with a condom in hand. 

“Thanks, babe,” he laughs then stops at the foot of the bed staring at her.

“What’s wrong?” she asks suddenly self-conscious. 

“Nothing. You’re perfect.”

She smiles and pulls him on the bed with her again, connecting their lips. He rips open the condom and rolls it on his length. He kneels on the bed again and she’s quick to climb on top, moaning at his shaft rubbing between her folds. 

“Such a pretty moan,” he praises, grasping his cock in his hand. He teases her hole with his tip, nudging it inside a few times. Her lower body meets his in a desperate way, small gasps coming from her each inch he goes in deeper.

“Please, Ash...want all of you,” she knocks her forehead against his.

He takes a deep breath and pushes all the way in, his eyes watching her as her mouth opens and her eyes close at being filled. Their bodies tremble together and they remain still, experiencing being connected for the first time. 

“Good?” he asks, rubbing her nose affectionately.

“Mhm,” she nods and starts to roll her hips against him. “Ohhh…” she lets out a shuddering breath.

He follows her rhythm easily, arms wrapped around her, enjoying the way she rides on top of him. He kneads her ass as she moves, her breath picking up and when he can’t take it anymore, he rises on his knees, her legs fall on either side of him and she gasps. 

He rests her on her back gently, resting his chest against hers so that they’re still touching and rocks his hips in even thrusts. He slips his tongue in her mouth just as her legs wrap around his waist. She moans when he picks up the pace, her lower half meeting his thrusts perfectly. 

“Are you close baby?” he pants feeling her walls start to flutter around him. “So good for me...so perfect...taking me so well.”

“Don’t stop,” she moans tilting her head back. Ashton pounds into her faster, each time he thrusts in she clenches around him a bit more tightly. 

“Fuck…” he hisses when she clenches and stays that way. Her moans are loud in his ear and he always wants to be the one that makes her sound like that. He can’t hold his climax off with her sounding like that and he’s coming with her. “I love you,” he groans loudly in her neck.

When they recollect their breathing she holds his face in her hands.

“What did you say?” she gasps out, eyes wide with lust and surprise.

“I love you,” he breathes, stroking her temple with his thumb. “You don’t have to say it back, but I wanted to tell you that this weekend, too. It’s hard for me to say out loud and with just us--”

She kisses him fiercely. 

“I love you, too.”

Four

When she went to work there was a flower arrangement at her desk with a note from Ashton wishing her a great last day before her vacation for her birthday and his birthday. Hers was the day before his and everyone wanted them to do a joint party when they found that out. 

“No, that’s weird,” she scrunched her nose at the suggestion.

“Yeah, we aren’t siblings. That’s gross,” he agreed.

She took the week off for their birthdays so they could maybe go to the cabin or even rent a house on the beach. She loved her birthday but whenever she made plans, they always fell through or people never showed up.

She texted him that the flowers were beautiful and she couldn’t wait to spend the day with him the next day. When she got home, he was already there wearing an all black outfit with his shirt open. He knows how much she likes seeing his chest. 

“Thank you for the flowers,” she holds up the vase of pink peonies showcasing them. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“Kiss me first,” he puckers his lips at her.

“Oops, sorry,” she giggles and steps on her tiptoes to give him a kiss. They always kiss each other hello. 

“Now, go get changed. We’ve got plans,” he grins.

“What kind of plans?” 

“Look on your bed and see,” he nods to her room down the hall. “I’ll put these in the kitchen for you.”

She shakes her head and does what he says. On her bed is a dress she always ogled when they were at the mall, Ashton clearly bought it for her. He spoils her too much. Next to the dress is a black satin blindfold. She narrows her eyes at the blindfold but quickly changes into the dress.

“What is this for?” she asks, stepping out into the living room with the blindfold in her hands.

“For your eyes. Turn around.”

“Are we roleplaying?” she asks, turning her back to him.

“No,” he laughs, placing the fabric over her eyes. 

He helps her walk to his car and she’s asking him so many questions. He refuses to answer them and laughs at her outlandish predictions of taking her away to a private island. 

His hand is firm in hers when they’re walking to wherever they’re going. She stumbles a little because she doesn’t know the terrain but it feels like pavement under her feet. 

“Are we there yet?” she asks.

“Almost. Okay, there’s a few steps. Up, up, up, up, and last one. Good. Okay, I’m going to take it off you now.”

She feels him move behind her. He unties the blindfold slowly and it drops from her eyes. She blinks slowly to get used to the light and is met with all of their friends and family before her. There’s flower arches behind them and they’re all wearing flower crowns on their heads. 

“SURPRISE!” They shout and she gasps when they start to sing Happy Birthday.

Sarah wheels in a cake with flowers sprawled over it and her name in the middle. Y/N grasps Ashton’s hand in her own, tears forming in her eyes. His other arm wraps around her waist, his chin rests on her shoulder as he sings softly in her ear.

“...dear Y/N...Happy Birthday to you…”

She wipes at her eyes overcome with emotion from the surprise and that Ashton went through all this trouble.

“Make a wish, angel,” he murmurs in her ear.

She closes her eyes, thinks of a wish, and blows out the candles. Everyone cheers and she twists around to give Ashton a big kiss. There’s even more cheers for that and then she’s whisked away for hellos and hugs. Flowers are hanging from the ceiling like vines and she’s never been surrounded by so many flowers. 

“Were you surprised?” Sarah asks as a waiter starts to cut the cake.

“Totally surprised. But my birthday isn’t until tomorrow,” she gives Ashton a side eye.

“You told me you wanted to spend it with me, so your party with everyone else is today,” he smiles. 

“And all these flowers? I love it all so much, thank you.”

“Your eyes will have that shine all night,” he grins, kissing her nose. 

One

“Do you even know where you’re going?” Ashton laughs behind her as they trek through the woods by the cabin.

After her surprise party, on her actual birthday they spent the first half watching movies and the second swimming at the beach. They had a late flight to go to the cabin. Upon arrival, Ashton spent the last hour of her birthday pleasuring her with his mouth and fingers. When the clock struck midnight, she flipped him over with a smirk.

“Happy Birthday to you,” she whispered and slid down his body so she could please him. 

She loves hearing his moans just as much as he loves hearing hers. She loves how one hand is fisted in her hair and the other rests behind his head watching her go down on him. 

“Yes, I know where I’m going. Come on birthday boy.” She ducks under a branch then sees the clearing ahead. 

“I’m twenty-seven, I’m not a boy,” he grunts.

“Sorry, old man,” she teases and he smacks her ass playfully. 

When they come into the clearing, there’s a red and white checkered blanket in the grass with a large basket in the center. Wildflowers surround it in purples, yellows, oranges and a few reds. It’s a magical place. 

“Did you do all this?” he asks seeing the set up. 

“I did. Come on, there’s more.”

They kick off their shoes and sit on the blanket. She opens the basket taking out his favorite foods and a wrapped gift. 

“I told you, you don’t have to get me anything,” he sighs while taking the gift. “You’re more than enough.”

“I know, but it’s part of my love language. And it’s homemade anyway,” she shrugs. “Open it up.”

He unwraps the corners before tearing the paper all the way off. He stares at it in his hands for a long time. She made him a shadow box frame with a picture of them when they were at the beach during sunset. It was their favorite picture and surrounding it were dried flowers. 

“Do you know what these are?” she asks, pointing to the flowers.

“Flowers?” he chuckles touching the glass. 

“This one is from the first flowers you brought me when you helped me move in, these are from our first date, this is from Christmas and the small cranberry. These are from work and my birthday, and these are from Valentine’s Day. These are all the flowers you’ve given me,” she smiles and he looks at her stunned.

“You kept them all?”

“You’re the only one who ever bought me flowers and I loved them all so now you have them, too.”

“This is incredible, I love it. Thank you,” he reaches over to give her a kiss. 

“Wait, there’s more,” she grins and reaches into the basket again. She pulls out live flowers arranged in a pretty bouquet. “These are for you.”

“Baby,” he stressed in astonishment and set the picture frame next to him. 

He pushes her back on the blanket kissing her with all he’s got. The flowers get crushed and some stick in her hair but they’re surrounded by love and the sweet smell of flowers and kiss with passion.

“Happy Birthday my love,” she gazes up at him and sticks a flower behind his ear.

Taglist: @calumance​  @in-superbloom​ @calpalirwin​ @karajaynetoday​ @wiiildflowerrr-blog1​ @sunshineeeluke @littledrummeraussie​ @suchalonelysunflower​ @hoodhoran​ @Fobodob @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt​ @sunshineeashton​ @ashtonsunflower​​ @mymindwide​​ @itjustkindahappenedreally​ @seanna313​ @fivesecondsofonedirection​

[andypantsx3]

Andie!! You don't have to answer to this but I wanted to tell you that i'm so excited for fingerprints, like, that anon just nailed a concept that only you could do it justice

Thank you, my love!! You're so sweet. 💖 I'm literally so excited too, anon really did hit the nail right on the head!!

I don't wanna overhype it though lol. Please temper expectations, the idea was genius but the execution will just be pure self-indulgence lol. A fun break from the actual plot baked into incendiary.

But I really hope you like it anyway!!

[born-to-lose]

What If I Never Get Over You?

Pairing: Nasty Suicide x reader

Summary: You and Nasty weren't only friends, but not quite lovers either. Then why does it take you so long to get over him after he breaks up with you?

Tags: breakup, angst, sex mention

Words: 3,838

A/N: Here's the long-awaited self-indulgent fic based on my current situation as well as the song "What If I Never Get Over You" by Lady A. I hope you enjoy the second-hand suffering! (gif credit)

Tag list: @warriorteam1924 @slashscowboyboots @losers-yurio @lost-in-the-80s @teasid @lucyboytom @y0uth--anasia @rockys-and-lokis-girl @jennyggggrrr @tuffduff @jonesyownsmyheart @rhyetaylor62 @hair-metal-mayhem @fluff-moo @xeas1lyamusedx @one-sad-human @rocknrollsoul76 @motley-bitch @razzles-bottom-lip

Tip me if you want!

You and Jan weren't just friends, but not quite in a relationship either. You were something in between. Since the beginning of your friendship, strangers had been thinking you were together because you had always acted like a couple. It had already been obvious to your friends that you were in love with each other long before you even realized it yourselves. When you told Andy you thought you had a crush on Jan, he said he knew it because you talked about him "like he hung the fucking sun" and honestly, he wasn't wrong. Eventually, you confessed your feelings on a Valentine's date Michael and Sami had set up for you.

The reason why you weren't officially dating was your fear of breaking each other's hearts, thus risking your friendship. You genuinely cared about one another and didn't want anybody to get hurt. You had formed a really close bond in a short amount of time and there was no way you were going to throw that away. Both of you were happy with what you had, even if you were only slightly more than friends.

Still, you had established that you would let the other know if something made you uncomfortable and you were free to date somebody else who could really be in a relationship if you wanted, so you wouldn't feel trapped and could just enjoy yourselves without a string of obligations.

That doesn't mean you didn't do things couples do, though. You called meetups 'dates', so you didn't only meet at a café every Friday - you had coffee dates, had sickly sweet pet names for each other, told pickup lines and made flirty comments given the opportunity - hell, you even made out sometimes. It was certainly not a conventional friendship, maybe more of a casual relationship. Either way, it was pure bliss and you had the best time of your life.

Your friends were happy for the two of you, constantly going on and on about how adorable you were together. Comments like "no matter what you say, you're totally a couple", "please let me plan your wedding" and "I just know you're meant to be together" were not uncommon. Despite your slightly awkward reactions, especially at the beginning when you were still getting used to this new thing, it didn't make either of you uncomfortable - quite the opposite, actually. Even if you didn't need it, it gave you some sort of validation that what you were doing was worth it and other people could see how happy you both were.

After six months, though, Jan wanted to discuss your relationship with you. He said he needed a break because he was scared that you'll slowly become more and he didn't want to hurt you if things didn't work out in the end since he still deeply cared about you and didn't want to lose you. He asked you to keep a bit more distance for a while and you agreed, realizing it was the best thing to do for now. That way, you had some time to yourselves and could figure out how to continue whatever it was you had going on. Maybe you needed this break too.

Actually, you understood why he was worried. It did seem to be getting more serious. You weren't taking the flirting as lightly as at the beginning and your kisses weren't the same as they had used to be. There were more feelings involved now. The fact that you had slept with him recently surely played a role too. You knew you both enjoyed it, but all that wasn't as casual as intended anymore. It was getting further away from the original idea and closer to what you had tried to prevent.

You spent a few weeks without talking much to give each other space. While you had previously spent time together every day, you now called on Mondays to wish him a good week and he called on Saturdays to check how you were doing. That time away from him turned out to be pretty difficult for you and one week alone seemed like a whole month. You realized just how lonely you felt without seeing him daily, but it was still better than nothing, even though your phone calls got shorter over time.

Meanwhile, Jan concentrated more on his band and the next time you met, you had another discussion. The pained expression on his face when he entered the room told you that you weren't going to like what he had to say.

"The band and I… we're moving to London soon. It's just easier to be successful there and we can record our next album," he began. "And I wish I didn't have to say this, but I need to do it right now before it all explodes and both of us get hurt."

He paused, biting his lip and looking into your eyes for the first time today - something he didn't have any problem with only five weeks ago. "I think it would be too hard for us to be in a long-distance relationship and not see each other for months, especially if I become famous and go on tour, you know? We wouldn't see each other at all."

You sat there, waiting for him to make a silly addition and hold up two flight tickets, saying you were going to come with him. But that didn't happen. You just stared at him as he stared back, awaiting your reply.

"So… this is the end?" you asked, your voice cracking.

Jan sighed, looking down at his hands and up at you again. "I really appreciate what we had, but you deserve someone who can actually date you, someone who can make you happy. I'd love to be that person, but I know I couldn't give you everything you want in the long run. I genuinely care about you too much to lie to you, so I'd like us to end things on good terms. It's really nothing about you personally, you just deserve so much better and I don't want to keep you from being with somebody who has more to offer than me."

You couldn't believe this was how it would have to end - and that it would have to end at all. You were convinced Jan was the love of your life. You had never felt about anyone else this way before. You had dated other people, but nobody had given you the same feeling as Jan did. And now it was all gone.

Noticing that Jan was still sitting next to you and you hadn't responded to his explanation yet, you quickly wiped your tears away and nodded. You tried to think of what to say and opened your mouth, but closed it again as you were at a complete loss of words, so you nodded again.

He could see the heartbreak on your face and scooted closer to you, pulling you into a hug and whispering, "I love you."

You returned the hug, tightly wrapping your arms around his middle. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, the scent of that cologne you loved so much on him only making this parting hurt even more. "I love you too."

The two of you remained in the embrace for what felt like a second and an eternity at once. What he had just said was still echoing in your head. You closed your eyes and tried to filter the positive aspects out. That he would love to be with you and make you happy, that he genuinely cared about you, that he put your happiness first and, most importantly, that he loved you. But it was still hard to think positive because you knew this was the last time you'd ever get to be this close to him. The last time to be held by him, feel the warmth he always radiated even at the coldest temperatures, take in his scent, have him rub your back comfortingly as if to say everything was going to be fine. But it wasn't going to be fine. Not at all.

Only after he had left your apartment did you realize this was the first time you had ever said those three words to each other. And it was also the last time.

As time went by, you only missed Jan more and more. They say time heals all wounds, but not in your case. For you, time only rubbed salt into the wound. The more time passed the more time you had to think about what you had just lost. It felt like you had lost everything that makes life worth living to you. 

He had said it wasn't your fault, but you couldn't help but think about what you could have done wrong. Had you flirted too much? Had you been too clingy? It had been you who had initiated the makeout session that had resulted in sex. Had you taken it too far? He had wanted it too, but had he just not wanted to disappoint you? Then why had he let it happen a second time shortly after?

There was one question you were able to answer yourself. Had you gotten your hopes up too high? Definitely. How could you even be so stupid and think it would really work out? It would have been too perfect. For once, something in your life was going well and then it had to end so abruptly. Well, actually, it wasn't that abrupt, but when he had said he needed a break, you had thought you could have a fresh start. Maybe you should have seen the end coming, but you were too naive to expect the truth. Just your luck…

Another question you asked yourself was if Jan really thought he was doing you a favor? He had sounded so sad about it too when he had broken up with you. Had his own words hurt him too? Why would he leave you if he didn't want to either? Did he really think your standards were so high that what he had to offer was not enough for you? And most of all, why had he said he loved you? He'd had so many occasions to say those words to you in the last seven months, yet he had chosen this one for the first time? You just don't say that when you're ending a relationship - or whatever the hell the two of you had. If you break up with someone, it's certainly not because you love them, right? Even if it was the reason in your case, you'd rather he had chosen to stay with you and see how it works out instead of backing down. How would he even know he wouldn't make you happy in the future if he had been making you happy since the day you had met? Why couldn't he just wait and watch what happens? Perhaps all his fears were baseless?

You were in no way mad at him - you could never; you simply didn't understand his decision the longer you thought about it. Sure, he would have to dedicate more time to the band if they wanted to become big and there would be no time for a relationship, but you would have been okay with continuing to have something casual like you had used to. You didn't necessarily want to be his lover, you only didn't want to lose him and that's exactly what you did, even though he had said he wanted you to end things on good terms.

Every time you closed your eyes, you were lost in that last goodbye again. The way his arms had tightened around your waist as if he had never wanted to let go, the way you'd heard him softly say "I love you" for the first and last time, the way you had noticed a tear rolling down his cheek after he'd pulled away, cupping your face and glancing at your lips, yet refraining from kissing you because it would only make this breakup harder, the way he had stopped dead in his tracks with the doorknob in his hand, giving you a gleam of hope that he would change his mind last-minute, the way you had known this was the end the moment he had closed the door after saying "goodbye sweetheart" in a shaky voice.

Why had he even used the nickname that he knew drove you crazy now? To call you that one last time when he still had the chance? In an attempt to comfort you and show you he remembered this was your favorite pet name he had given you? It really only broke your heart even more and you wish he hadn't made your goodbye this complicated. At this point, you weren't even sure how he actually felt about you. Was he secretly still in love with you as much as you were with him? Had he ever been in love with you? If he hadn't, he was definitely a good actor. On the other hand, he didn't use declarations of love lightly, so he had to have loved you at least a little bit.

The first Friday afternoon following your breakup, you found yourself visiting that café where you and Jan had used to meet after work every week. You made sure to secure your window seat and placed his coffee order which you had memorized by the third coffee date. It had become a tradition for one of you to order for the other, depending on who was here first. Then you'd talk about your day and your plans for tonight. Friday was always date night for you, whether he played a gig and you tagged along, you went to another band's gig or the two of you stayed at home and cooked, listened to music or whatever else; anything was fine as long as you were together. You wondered what he was going to suggest today. You sipped your cappuccino while waiting for more than half an hour, only to realize he wasn't here anymore and leave in disappointment.

Even months after he had left, you kept dreaming about him and all the things you had done together. You dreamed about all the moments that confirmed you really did love him. The dates, the cute personal pickup lines he had come up with exclusively for the two of you, the first kiss you had shared at a concert that had been so soft and cautious, yet genuine and full of affection, all while the band had been playing your favorite song, making it the perfect kiss, the matching Moomin mugs you had bought to drink your morning coffee from, the talks of raising a dog together, referring to it as your child and affectionately calling yourselves the best dog parents before you even got one, the jokes about running away together someday - which weren't actually jokes in retrospect - and all the other small things that had seemed almost trivial until now. You really don't know what you've got till it's gone.

One night, you could have sworn you heard his voice. It didn't feel like a dream; it felt real. As if he was lying beside you, caressing your cheek, kissing your temple and whispering reassuringly that he was right here and you had nothing to worry about. Just like he had often done when you would sometimes have nightmares. Waking up and finding yourself in a cold and empty bed made your heart sink. Why couldn't he just change his mind and come back to you?

It had been eight months since he had left and no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't get used to a life without him. You knew it's supposed to hurt, but moving on turned out to be much harder than you had previously thought. After your other breakups, the lovesickness only lasted for a week or two. This time it was different, though, because you had thought of each other as soulmates, but don't they say soulmates always find their way back to each other? Would this be true for you as well? Did you only need to be patient until you would get back together at a later point in time?

There were times you thought you were over him, but a few days or even hours later, the feelings you had been trying to repress came back full force and you were reminded of why you had fallen in love with him in the first place.

Jan had been nothing but kind to you since the very beginning and he had always been there for you, often staying up until late at night to listen to you talk about your problems. Even on your darkest days, he had managed to make you smile, whether it was by being silly, making terrible jokes, playing your favorite songs on the guitar, getting your favorite food or just going for a walk together. No matter what he'd tried, his efforts had always paid off. When you were sick, he took care of you and you did the same for him. He had also remembered the smallest things about you, like your favorite color, which you had noticed him wearing more often after you had mentioned it. Unlike other men, he had paid you compliments that weren't only focused on your appearance but on your personality and skills, although of course he had often told you how amazing you looked. His words had always been genuine and he'd never said anything he hadn't actually meant. You could completely be yourself and had felt the most comfortable when you had been with him. He had loved you just the way you were, with all your flaws, and you did too.

You had never planned on loving him as much as you ended up doing. And to make matters worse, it wasn't only lovesickness now - it was sheer heartbreak.

You still couldn't even think about getting involved with somebody new. You didn't want to be with anyone else anymore. Jan was the only one for you and the thought of dating anybody who wasn't him made you very uncomfortable. You could never love another person half as much as him and you knew you would only end up comparing your relationships to your last one and being disappointed if it didn't meet the standards you had developed during your time with Jan. This relationship had been too special for you to ever experience the same feelings again. You had put your heart and soul into it and you were sure you would never get back all the love you had given him, so why should you even try?

After a year had passed, you decided to start seeing other men again in an attempt to get over Jan because you still hadn't been able to move on. Your new boyfriend's name was Juha. Coincidentally, his name started with the same letter and he also had black hair.

Every little thing he did reminded you of Jan. The way he would give you a good morning kiss on the cheek, the way he tried to make breakfast when he woke up earlier than you on weekends, the way he often wore clothes in your favorite color, the way he would let you play with his hair when you laid on the couch together and listened to music, the way he made bad but funny jokes, the way he called you sweetheart.

You were starting to realize the only things you loved about him were the parallels to Jan and you felt terrible about it because Juha was a genuinely sweet guy and didn't deserve all this. He deserved to be in a relationship that wasn't subject to comparisons to previous relationships. You wished you could have loved him for who he was, you really did. But it just wouldn't work. You thought you would only need some time to get used to being with somebody else again, but even after three months, your feelings had not changed.

Of course all this didn't go unnoticed by Juha. At the latest when you accidentally called him Jan while you were having a tickle fight. The hurt look on his face as he backed away said it all. He chewed on his bottom lip, fidgeting with his hands.

"I know you don't actually love me. And I know I'm only a substitute for your ex," he started, looking at you. "Do you think I haven't known all along? You mentioned him when we started dating and that I was your first boyfriend since him and I knew you might take a while to warm up to someone new, but I didn't think it would be this bad. For the last three months, I've been trying to make you love me because I thought it was only difficult for you at the beginning and I understood why it would be. But then I noticed the way you look at me when I do certain things - things that remind you of him, I suppose - and I realized all my attempts were in vain. I think you should heal first before diving into the next relationship. Sometimes it just takes time and that's okay, but if you're still too attached to someone, you can't love somebody else."

Juha paused to give you the chance to respond, but you didn't have anything to say. You were incapable of denying it. He was right. Sighing, he stood up and grabbed his jacket. "But if you ask me, you'll never get over him."

Now it had been some 20 years since the last time you had seen Jan in person. Obviously, you had seen him on TV, in magazines and such, but you still hadn't met each other since that night when he had broken up with you. You were walking around the city when you passed a pharmacy. As you looked in at the window, a familiar face behind the counter caught your eye and you stopped in your tracks, taking a closer look.

At first, you weren't entirely sure if it was him since his hair was shorter and he was older now, but the face was still the same. That face you would recognize in a crowd of hundreds. You will always recognize the faces of your loved ones, even decades later.

You must have stared a little too long because the man lifted his head and locked eyes with you for a moment that felt extremely long and extremely short at the same time. However, he broke eye contact when a customer started talking to him.

When he looked back up a few minutes later, you were gone. He sighed quietly and got back to work, making a mental note to push this incident to the back of his mind.

[samsflannel]

survey results are in!

sorry, this is gonna be a long post. yesterday i posted a survey with a list of polls regarding Supernatural, and it was SO much fun. I got over 300 responses, which was A LOT to sort through for the short responses, but I’ve gathered all the “data” and here it is! My responses to each poll will be under the screenshots (they are in groups of 2). I’m going to include the short answer responses in another post. ENJOY!

1. Starting off strong.

2. Pleased with this one as well.

3. Yep, I expected this response from most of us.

4. Sami, I made the wincest and destiel response just for you. YW.

5. CMON YOU GUYS......live a little!!! samjack sexy

6. I’m not really surprised that Playthings got the bulk of votes here, but I think my vote would have been 8x23.

7.  :)

8. i’m disappointed that more people didn’t choose the yellow one tbh

9. it is sexy. it is. wake up.

10. i love Dean, but he’s definitely an asshole. and that’s what makes him a great character!

11. hehe.....i understand why not a lot of people picked noncon bait....u r valid its ok im gross.

12. WHO THE FUCK PICKED NO......have you ever consumed media

13. WBK.

14. damn, Dean kinda got the short end here! a lot of samgirls took this survey

15. i get why you wouldn’t like Bugs bc it does have harmful stereotypes about native ppl but the rest of it is peak season 1 wdymmm

16. almost 50/50 here! old vs new fans we love to see it. I am definitely wincest old guard.

17. YEP. Eric Kripke needs shock therapy for that one

18. The fact that some people admitted to being dry.....tragic. I think Eileen is a great character but they are NOT endgame.

19. SO YOURE JUST GONNA SIT THERE AND ADMIT HOW WRONG YOU ARE??

20. ugh. yeah. same.

21. who tf picked blue. cmon. red meat incest agenda.

22. SAM MOMMY MILKERS!!!!! hucow sam <3

23. Mixed on this one! My response is obviously yellow :)

24. I do think Bobby favored Dean somewhat.

25. Johnzazel agenda so true

26. HIGHKEY CANON. AND SEXY

27. someone requested a combination of blue and yellow and you’re so right i apologize.

28. mixed on this one for top vs bottom fans! almost a 50/50 split

29. ANNA DID NOTHING WRONG

30. I can’t believe this one is almost 50/50. Ruby girlboss you guys are haters

31. again. admitting you’re dry. THEY FUCKED

32. yeah :(

33. Q-anon level conspiracy theory.

34. I actually fall into the blue. I do believe Cas was in love with Dean, but not the other way around. I think Cas loving Dean makes wincest so much more spicy

35. I love sam so much

36. those of you who answered yes........join my movement.

37. c’mon. even if you don’t ship wincest you need to admit this one.

38. sorry this one was self-indulgent.

39. JESS PEGGED SAM.

40. idk, i personally think Cassie deffo pegged Dean. She has top energy.

41. So all the people who answered no have definitely not read the fic (were too young to remember it) or are squicked by underage which is ok! its one of those fics i read back in 2010 so i have fond memories of it

42. hahahah you guys were mean on this one

43. it’s canon bro sorry

44. thank god this one was majority yellow

45. i give wincestiel a valid pass! dean has multiple holes

46. Jack is hole <3

47. I actually think both are great (and ppl were mad I didn’t have that option srry) but deanpussy is incredible and underrated.

48. SEXY>>>>>>

49. thank you for enabling me.

50. can you guess the redacted part? it was: insert various objects into himself :))))

51. ok heres the big question! i’m not surprised ilysmmbb won, but i personally vote for “yeah, there he is” !! i think its underrated and such a tender moment.

52. i’m in the blue. i like cas.

53. i actually am in the yellow on this one. i think its more realistic, although blue is hot forsure

54. top 3 cas moment right there.

55. objectively yes on this one. thank god for COVID- *gets shot at*

56. sorry this was shady i’m not really like this usually haha. i think death is my fave besides Rowena

57. obviously i’m in the red. i’m shocked that so many people said Yes.......

58. Clearly.

59. I enjoyed fan fiction! i love campy episodes as you all know (like Dog Dean afternoon and such) so i loved fan fiction. it was a nice nod to someone like me who has been watching for a long time.

60. HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU NOT KNOW WHO ANDY IS. i wish he would have been in the show longer........

61. uh....yeah.

62. Yeah c’mon. Dean would and you know it.

63. Thank god you guys didn’t fuck this up. I would agree, but Corbett is a close second for me.

64. IN THE RED BABY!!!!

65. we love a man bleeding out. we do.

66. i actually think misha is chill with J2 but.....you can’t deny J3 have more chemistry.

67. I uh......don’t think Dean would be a great father. is this me projecting my own issues with my father onto Dean? maybe,,,,

68. i’m surprised this was so negative! I think i would be interested

69. thanks for reading my shitty poetry!! i also had s4 dean in mind when writing this

70. CMON.....ITS KINDA SEXY CMON.......that spice of battered wife syndrome.......violent man in the house.......sam beaten down....im barking

71. haha yessss go yellow.

72. go yellow again.

73. I think I would actually vote yellow on this one. what a sweet and beautiful thing to say to someone, and its so very DEAN.

74. mhm. i think so. 

75. SEXY CONTROLLING OLDER BROTHER!!!!!

76. no idea why people answered yes to this one. that punch was fucked up. was it sexy? thats another story,,

77. WOKE. 

78. I do. I love pilot Dean.

79. Dean is a carfucker. any side of the fandom can recognize that

80. thank you GREEN!!!!!!

81. Sam is bi wtf! Sera Gamble erasure

82. Padackles commune <33333 they all fuck and they don’t know whose kid is whose!!!! (not really but this is sexy)

83.  THESE BROTHERS ARE WEIRD FOR SURE.

[just-the-hiddles]

Writer’s Spotlight | Angrythingstarlight

Happy Writer’s Wednesday!  I am here to spotlight another amazing fandom fanfic writer!  This week is my friend @angrythingstarlight​  Super talented and amazing. Let’s go!

The Basics

Any other names you want people to call you?

Starlight (its better than the random name I let tumblr pick for me)

How long have you been writing fic?

About 8 months now, I wrote a lot of poetry before this.

What fandoms and/ships do you write?

RPF (Henry Cavill and Chris Evans), MCU (Steve, Bucky and Stucky only), Andy Barber, Sherlock, Clark Kent and August Walker

How did you get started writing fic?

I joined Tumbler in April 2020 to read more fics, I stumbled across this site by accident. I only planned on reading/lurking but I had an idea for a story that was purely self indulgent,  I took the leap and wrote it. One story turned into two and snowballed from there.

Story Recommendations

Which of your stories are your favorite?

Ride me Sweetheart, Get Comfy, Nimble Fingers, You're My Heaven, Love Down Soft and Sweet, Pull It Harder and Golden Boy

Which story are you most proud of?

Golden Boy Its a dark Steve story that took on a life of its own.

Which of your stories do you think is the most underrated?

I'm honestly surprised anyone reads my stuff so I don't think anything is underrated.

Someone is new to reading your stories, which story/stories should they read first? 

I would start with my newer fics and go from there. My Jan mini list has stories that I enjoy and my newer Bucky stories are some of my favorites. 

Which Story did you do the most research for?

Light of My Life which is a dark Bucky story based on The Shining.

Which Story was the easiest to write? 

Get Comfy and Nimble Fingers equally. I wrote those so fast, everything flowed out perfectly.

The Writing Process

What is your favorite part of writing?

When an idea comes to me and I can simply write, I try to plan stuff but I write better when inspired.

What is your least favorite part?

Editing and discovering multiple errors after people have already read the story.

Describe your style in 1 to 2 sentences.

Its chaotic. I don't think I can say I have a specific style.

Who are some of your writing idols and/or influences?

@sapphirescrolls​, @jtargaryen18​, @littlefreya​, @imanuglywombat​

What programs do you use to write and/or edit?

Prowritingaid

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Pantser

Do you write RPF or not?

Yes.

Who is your favorite character to write and why?

Bucky Barnes because there are so many paths you can take his character. He has so many layers and he can be the Winter Soldier, Beefy!Bucky etc. I love the character, I love what I can do with him. Most of fics centered around him are self indulgent.  A close second is Andy Barber because he is my dream husband.

What do you think are your writing strengths?

I have been told that my dialogue is good. I like creating tension and being descriptive, I hope that with my more serious fics that people are able to see what I'm describing.

What do you struggle with?

Dirty talk and ending a story.

Favorite Trope?

There was only one bed combined with huddling for warmth.

Favorite word to use?

Salacious ( I dont use it enough)

What is the best piece of writing advice you have heard?

I was told the following: write for yourself and not everything you're going to write is going to be good. And that's okay because either you like what you did and/or you learn how to improve.

What would you say to a new fanfic writer starting out?

Don't let the number of notes influence your work, write for yourself.  Have fun and the second this becomes a chore, or you feel like you have to write, take a break . Rediscover your love of fanfiction by reading, re watch that movie or show. Don't feel like you have to put something out for the sake of it. 

 Reach out to other writers, we all love talking to each other and will gladly welcome you to the fandom.  

What is a random bit of research you have not managed to work into a fic yet?

The most popular ice cream flavors in the 1940s.

What is your favorite random detail from one of your stories?

Bucky loves to collect things and will take you for a ride anywhere you want to go.

Any goals or WIPs you want to share?

I have a mafia series that I hope to have started by the time this is published. I will be putting out a Feb Mini Masterlist with new writing goals. So far, I managed to meet a lot of my Jan. ones.

This or That

Fluff or Angst

Neither Smut or Fluff

Reader Insert or OC

One Shot or Series

Canon Divergent or AU

Pepsi or Coke (Cherry Pepsi)

Coffee or Tea

Sweet AND Savory

Anything else you want to say or share?

Thank you to everyone who has read my stories. That means more to me than you know. Thank you to everyone who has followed me and I'm sorry for the mass posts that bombard you everyday. This community has gotten me through some rough times and I appreciate every single one of you.

Until next time, toodles!

[chilly-flame]

would you ever consider writing ava x deborah? that would be a dream come true. (no pressure, I just love all your writings and think you’d do a brilliant job!)

Hello, kind anonymouse!

I so appreciate your question. I love the Hacks fandom--everyone has been creating the most fantastic stories and videos and I am here for it all!

However, I have some limitations that will probably (I never say never) prevent me from dipping my toe in. So, the short answer is: unlikely.

Stop here to avoid egregious, self-indulgent navel gazing below about Why I Probably Won't Write Hacks.

1) Comedy. I can write fun but not funny. Both Ava and Deborah have such biting, incredible wit, there's no way I could get there. When you have exceedingly good source material where everyone is beautifully drawn and very specific, it's really scary to get in that groove.

2) Ava. I tend toward the sweetness and light rather than the darkness of characters. As a writer I habitually externalize the conflicts around relationships because I want my characters to make good choices for the right reasons, even if something goes wrong as a result. (It's a goody two-shoes failing for which I have been called out many times.) Ava, on the other hand, is a delicious, brilliant train wreck. I would have the burning desire to make her different, which is just wrong. Her egocentricity, impulsiveness, and total lack of self-consciousness are way out of my wheelhouse. (Even if I were 25 again I couldn't have written Ava. She is like an alien to me.)

3) The age gap is very wide. (One could say Swan Queen was even more dramatic, but I tried to overlook that 😆.) I just don't know if I'm capable of making it work without constantly noting their differences, which would just be boring.

Hope you can understand, anon, and I'm sorry to disappoint. Besides, I'm weirdly still feeling my Andy and Miranda these days. It's bizarre. I've got nothing new in the works but that could change soon.

Thanks again for the question and for the nice compliment!