#this is the last of the serious posts. next one will just be two shitposts

[thecoolerliauditore]

Pls tell me about Scott's views on women in general pls I'm begging you

o7 and I'm sorry

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fyi, the post itself isn't NSFW, but I'll be getting all gender theory in this bitch so I'll be referencing a lot of things and putting in pictures of naked ppl sometimes. maybe skip this one if you don't like that

(long post)

Disclaimers

An explanation for the tweet up there

I usually don't write these because I assume the people on my blog have enough sense to realise when I'm talking about the characters vs the CCs or are comfortable enough being a little confused, but I feel the need to extra-clarify here and expand on how I specifically view C vs CC because I think it differs a little from the average person.

To me, C and CC are two separate entities but not entirely disconnected. What differs (e.g. the exclusion of irl relationships -- their wives, kids, etc.) is poignant enough to severely detach them from the people they originated from, at least in my eyes, but there's also the fact that these are not scripted characters, just creators being themselves with a hint of behind the scenes drama-adding and improv thrown in.

For example, CC Pearl is a car nerd. So I assume her character is too.

This is where I state very clearly that yes, a lot of these thoughts come from things I've seen on Scott's twitter, which is undoubtedly the CC and not the C. However I, to me, am still talking about the C because any observations/judgments I could make on actual irl youtuber CC guy Scott Major would be tabloid at best and slightly invasive at worst. I'm seeing these statements within the context of "the death game guy would say this too and I'm writing this based on that", not "this is the inner psychological workings of the youtuber because I, as a fan, can totally tell".

TLDR I don't consider this post RPF but you might. This is a little more RPF-y than my usual stuff. If you don't rock with it we cool.

Everyone is weird about women, and that's okay

One short-hand I've used in the past to talk about Scott and women is just by saying that he's "weird about women" which I'm sure isn't exclusive to him.

(shitpost I made awhile back)

I see a lot of people now who love "villains" and "evil" but when it comes to any traits resembling real life evil (e.g. misogyny in this case) they suddenly become insecure. Just a couple of days back a saw a post on twitter essentially asking for permission to continue liking CC Scott in spite of the "bad things" he did.

And I think, in order to present an analysis like this, I must address that mindset first.

This is not a judgment on Scott's morality, nor is it trying to dissuade you from liking him. This is not saying that he is any more misogynistic than any other player in the series. This is just me pointing out Scott's attitude towards women and what I read it as, nothing less or more.

The feelings that me pointing these things out - be they apathy, disgust, anger or, what I would hope to see most, interest - are your own. I'm not here to tell anyone how to feel and never will try to police that on my blog.

Scott's Relationships with Women

aka. oh yeah this is about minecraft.

Scott and Cleo || "Yeah, you can kill me."

Scott and Cleo's alliance is arguably the strongest in the entire series, spanning through all five seasons and remaining unbroken with no (serious) drama attached. You'd expect from this that they two have a very settled and stable understanding of eachother, yet this isn't a case.

Their power dynamic shifts dramatically from one season to the next.

3L's initial Widows Alliance began on fairly equal footing, built on the mutual agreement that they were waiting for their respective partners to die. Both understood they were eachothers' "plan B" and felt comfortable in that arrangement.

Come LL, Cleo does what she couldn't in 3L, and initiates that plan, going to Scott after her last alliance, the fairy fort, fell apart. Scott requests nothing from her in return.

DL is the longest the two spent as eachothers main ally. Cleo is the one who initially proposes teaming up to spite their "cheating" soulmates and Scott agrees. Cleo admits to Martyn in private that she's aware she's taking advantage of Scott (which I've always interpreted as her talking about all seasons, not just DL). Due to the time they spend together, it's here where it becomes apparent that their initial assumptions during 3L were not entirely accurate, as Scott shows a level of gameplay competency much higher than Cleo's (e.g. teaching her how to axe-crit) but despite this Scott never berates her or thinks any less of her value as his ally.

LimL is probably this pairing at their most unhinged, as Scott, despite once again asking for nothing (or very little -- I'll be honest I'm a bit fuzzy on this) in return from Cleo, allows them and their allies to butcher him repeatedly for time. He gives more time to the Clockers than he does to Martyn, his closest ally that season. Despite this, Scott is never ever considered as a "family member" by the Clockers, despite them giving that title to even temporary allies (like the Bad Boys being their cousins) -- even Martyn gets a title with Scott completely unattached.

SL is relatively more chill, but shows that the two inevitably end up teaming together even despite their oath to avoid eachother that season.

The point being -- again and again, we see Scott literally and metaphorically making sacrifices for Cleo, with the only real transaction he requires from her being that she continues having his back when times get rough. This is despite that he's aware she isn't any more capable than he is and the fact that so far it has only been Cleo in rough times (LL, LimL and SL) and never Scott.

Speaking from a purely transactional perspective, Scott is not getting a bargain here -- and even Cleo seems acutely aware of it, judging by her comment during DL as well as the way she tends to speak of her survival capabilities very lowly in general ("rubbish pvp skills and spiffy one-liners"). I'm speaking in this sense because I've seen discussions in the past about the transactional way Scott views relationships but rarely does Cleo get brought up.

This is at stark contrast to how he treats Jimmy, whose predicted death was what spurred on Scott and Cleo's alliance in the first place.

Scott assumes Jimmy is "incompetent", where he assumes Cleo is capable. When Jimmy messes up, he reprimands him, when Cleo struggles to crit him, he patiently teaches her. When LL begins, Scott's first instinct was to look at Jimmy's lives and note that he was "useless to (him)", but holds no objections to Cleo joining his alliance despite her already having enemies being a potential liability. In SL, he jokes about how Cleo and him being allied is a given and pretty much expected of them, whereas in LimL he explicitly requests from Jimmy a recognition that he still cares ("say love you back!") before he will help him.

Scott and Gem || "You HAVE TO kill me, Gem,"

In SL, Gem settles in very easily in a leadership position within Gem and the Scotts due to her trying to live up to her reputation but also due to Scott and Impulse's more laid back, passive playstyles.

Both Scott and Impulse let Gem kill them for extra health this season, although Scott is arguably much more subservient than Impulse is, with him not only insisting that she kill him in the final episode but also not fighting back (and only yelling for her to stop) when she starts hitting him with a sword during the episode where her task was to literally kill everyone on the server.

Once again comparing her to Jimmy, Scott in 3L had a tendency to brush aside Jimmy's concerns over alliances (e.g. Jimmy questioning if they could trust Cleo) while in SL Scott runs his plans by Gem (and Pearl and Impulse) in terms of who he wanted to team up with (specifically excluding Joel from the potential mounders alliance) implying he held her opinion in some form of regard.

Before this becomes less of an analysis of Scott's treatment of men vs women and more of Scott's treatment of Jimmy vs everyone else, I think it's notable enough to mention that he and Martyn also lacked this sort of communication in LimL. He would inform Martyn of his plans, but rarely was it ever framed as a request.

SL almost feels as if Scott has slid Gem into the slot he had previously designated for Cleo in 3L (his girlboss ally) as he provides her and pretty much forces onto her by the end the acts of service he'd become accustomed to performing for Cleo.

Scott and Lizzie || "You killed her! I don't.. I don't know what to even say!"

Relatively shorter section because this is the one woman he hasn't teamed with, but there's still some interesting stuff I wanted to touch on.

In LL, one of the first thing Scott does is yell at Pearl to revenge-kill Joel for boogey-killing him. Pearl does as she's told and Joel's wet miserable pathetic LL life gets worse from there.

Several episodes later, the roles are reversed -- Lizzie lies to both of them and manages to isolate and boogey-kill Pearl. Scott, instead of reacting with the anger he had for Joel, is almost in a state of shock as he asks Lizzie to let him down so he could collect Pearl's belongings. He doesn't act aggressively towards Lizzie at all, with his most antagonizing act against her being to lie about his intentions when giving her a wither skull.

In SL, he's the only one aware of her early permadeath, but keeps quiet about it almost as if he's in a state of shock akin to when he saw Lizzie kill Pearl in LL. It's not until the others have noticed when he finally brings it up.

Scott and Pearl || "Tilly death do us 'part"

I wrote a whole post just for their relationship alone so for the sake of my sanity I'll be leaving this here.

So now I get to dedicate this section to the meat of this post -- how the way Scott treats women in general impacts his relationship with Pearl and how I view his heel-turn on her as seeping with relevance to Pearl's perceived gender.

In all three of the previous sections, the running theme is that Scott is 1. kinder and more patient with women, regardless of their competency and 2. someone who likes to be in a supporting role to women, occasionally aiding them more than he aids himself and his closer male allies (e.g. Jimmy and Martyn). As shown with Cleo, he assumes that girls have it together, but even if they don't it's not a big deal. When a girl's actions are truly disastrous, such as with Lizzie's, he goes into a state of shock and doesn't really react, preferring to swallow it down and not acknowledge it.

With the amount of times he sacrifices himself, I don't think it's a reach to say that Scott values his own life less than he values the lives of his (female) allies. This specific point actually does extend to his male allies too, shown when he's happy when Martyn literally backstabs him in LimL, but just as with the Martyn post where I point out his victim status-ing doesn't end at only women but includes all the women, Scott has pedastal-ed all the women he's teamed with.

Lizzie is, once again, the exception here due to his limited interactions with her. However that's actually somewhat patched over if you look at adjacent series (such as x-life) where he definitely shows her a level of admiration and respect.

Back to Scott and Pearl.

Their relationship during LL is very standard of how Scott treats women. While the power dynamic between them is obviously more caused by the initial life trade agreement, I don't think it's a far reach to say that Scott is somewhat comfortable in the arrangement.

However, this is also the first thing that sets their relationship apart from Scott with Cleo or Gem -- Pearl is the one making sacrifices, not Scott. She is the one "sacrificing" her lives to him, just in a more non-violent way as allowed by the season's mechanics.

When viewed through this lens, Scott trying to make it up to her and wanting his effort acknowledged makes even more sense. This is suddenly uncharted waters for him. His assuming that Pearl doesn't value him as a person goes hand in hand with him valuing himself less than her.

What Scott has with Cleo or Gem, situations where the other party is clearly uncomfortable with how he treats himself (Gem) or actively aware they are taking advantage of him (Cleo), is equalized to him because he is inherently worth less. What he has with Pearl, on the other hand, looks more equal to most people (lives vs labour) but is wildly imbalanced to him.

It's one of the many factors I see going into Scott's weird decision to abandon her in DL.

An Interlude, Before We Get to DL

La Pieta, Michelangelo

So this has been a lot of words so far and some of you might be wondering at this point: why say Scott is "weird" about women when so far this has been describing how he values women more, is kinder to them, is more patient with them, etc.? How is any of this behaviour remotely misogynistic?

And I would feel horrible if I forced you to read through all of my DL thoughts before I clarified this -- Scott is not your classic wifebeater "women are lesser" misogynist, Scott is someone who subscribes to misogynistic schools of thought and probably considers himself an ally to women, when in reality his beliefs are still rooted in dehumanizing them and these beliefs end up harming the women around him as well as himself.

After all, seeing women are your superiors is still not seeing them as your equals.

I know it's a bit of a meme on this blog at this point. But. Sigmund Freud identified what we know refer to as the "madonna/whore complex", which he described as a pattern of behaviour in men who separated women into being madonnas (pure, holy and admirable) and whores (debased, sexual, deviant). We'll be focusing on the former, the madonna, as it is more relevant to Scott's character.

Freud proposed that the madonna figure was something men projected onto women as a replacement for maternal love. These women are sacred and untouchable, literally as the projection of the maternal role onto them also makes it so that the sufferer cannot feel any sexual attraction towards her (keep this in mind for later).

Scott projects the madonna figure onto his female compatriots -- they are to be protected, served and supported. They are goddesses, queens, but they are never human. The madonna role in of itself is not inherently harmful to the woman, as seen with Cleo who takes control and advantage of it. However, it is enforced, as seen with Gem who at first revels in the superiority but almost breaks down when Scott offers him up as her sacrificial lamb one last time.

I linked this Utena AMV awhile back when vaguely talking about Scott and women, and this was the point I was alluding to.

Girls are beautiful and pure. They don't spit on the street, they don't piss on the street, they don't build hierarchies -- they subvert all the expectations of masculinity that I hate having to deal with. They are my escape.

But what about the girls who do spit on the street? The girls who piss on seats? Who build social hierarchies, who size up their competition?

The girls Scott interacts with are all painfully human. Cleo weaponizes his beliefs and take advantage of him. Scott is smart enough to know and accept this. Gem's playing into a role she has been assigned into by not only Scott but everyone around her. Scott supports the character she plays. Lizzie reflects traits he hates in Joel and Jimmy, but for her, he looks the other way.

Are they "demons", as the song says, or are they no longer girls at all?

(demons, gods, but never humans)

Weaponized Femininity and Women In Total Control of Themselves ;)

Hylas and the Nymphs, John William Waterhouse

Historically, weaponized femininity I'd argue is one of the oldest tropes in storytelling. Whether it's nymphs or sirens or witches or succubi or even more roundabout cases like Helen of Troy, there's countless stories of men's sexual attraction to women leading them to disaster.

One way to view these stories is to see them as warnings, don't let womens allure be the end of you.

There's a lot of good writing done on the femme fatale trope both in the context of weaponizing femininity and as a sexist way to argue against victims of sexual assault, as these stories often say that men who experience attraction to these "evil" women no longer have agency over their own actions.

Look at the painting above, for example - is it the nymphs who are responsible for drowning Hylas, or is Hylas climbing into the lake of his own accord?

Despite the fact we all know sirens, nymphs and succubi aren't real, the belief that men will simply lose control of themselves when encountering a particularly alluring woman persists to the modern consciousness. That there's something inherently dangerous about women and attraction to them.

(this is not 100% applicable to Ninja saying he won't stream with women, but it's the real life example I felt most comfortable putting in here)

Now, let's combine this with what's been said so far -- let's say you don't hate women. You love women, in fact, and you hate the way men treat women. You hate men, in fact.

Yet, you still believe in this inherent power women hold by being female and the loss of agency that men experience when attracted to them -- how disgusting.

It quickly becomes easily to not only demonize men for sullying the holiness of women, but also men, masculinity and attraction to women as a whole.

(apologies for using twt discourse in the meta post but this flew by my TL and i had to grab the irl example of mens non-violent attraction to women being used to frame them as misogynistic before the stupid app refreshed and i lose everything forever)

"To Venner" is a student film exploring a world set within this belief, where all the women have vanished and the men have become monstrous figures as a result of their pent up sexual frustration. fyi this is one of my favourite student films (and ive watched a bunch), but I do think its messaging is worth breaking down (especially its juxtaposition of dirty horrible monstrous sexuality vs pure and beautiful romantic love)

NOTE: this film is super graphic, lots of violence and nudity. have fun. or not

I admit this section is a bit hard to gauge as everyone in the series is gay as fuck. The closest in-series example I can think of is Scott reacting to Martyn's antics in DL with a sort of indigence but otherwise I can't really think of an example of a man expressing attraction to a woman at all, let alone one Scott reacted to. However, I do think it's still worth talking about because it opens up some interesting trains of thought in regard to Scott and Pearl.

For Scott, he himself has never been part of the picture. He's gay, after all, which gives him an edge over the bad straight men who objectify and assault women. Likewise, there's little evidence to suggest he finds the expectations of masculinity frustrating, but I don't think it's too far a reach considering how common of an experience that is for gay men and his adapting of more feminine mannerisms.

Double Life and Corruption

As mentioned in my previously linked post about Scott and Pearl's relationship, I do think Scott experiences what he would name as attraction towards Pearl, so my writing will reflect that.

Pearl is. ahem. not like other girls.

Not actually. But to Scott, she probably isn't like other girls.

She remains unaware of his different standards for her (how could she when she had nothing to compare them to), she acts out, sometimes violently, against Scott's urging (such as when she stole from Scar's wagon). She maintains their already irregular dynamic, and while she appreciates his care for her, she never quite falls into seeing him as a source of subservience the way Cleo or Gem do.

At the end of LL, right before the 1v1v1v1, she monologues to herself that she no longer has to feel bad for killing Scott. Which, in turn, implies she expected Scott to give it his all against her as well.

She entirely fails to embody the madonna with her immature naivete and her questionable morals. She is unpredictable, she doesn't take what she is owed, she is a monster in a lot of ways.

Scott, too, is a monster, to himself, for how he feels about her.

The very foundations of your understanding of yourself being ripped apart aside, let's rewind to the madonna/whore complex. To sexualise the madonna is to corrupt her and make a monster of yourself. Suddenly, you are no better than the men around you, the ones you've grown to hate. Suddenly, you are the grotesque figures in films like To Venner. You are Hylas and she is the nymph. And you are so stupid. Your worldview crumbles around its flawed foundations.

Scott is, however, immune to this corruption. This is a theme that appears in Empires as well, but throughout the traffic series he's prided himself on being loyal and kind and good. His monologue leading up to LL's 1v1v1v1 summarizes it quite well.

He can't let himself or anyone else see this side of him, but the energy needs to go somewhere. To defy fate, abandon your soulmate, is to admit you had a fate in the first place, is to acknowledge that she was your soulmate in the first place.

I've previously talked about how fate and romance are very ingrained in Scott's belief system, if it was anyone else it would've been amazing. He could've been like Bdubs and Impulse or Ren and Bigb, diving into domestic life and performative romance with a stranger. Or the world could've made his happy ending from 3L real, as he got to be Jimmy's husband all over again. I think it says something that he accepts Cleo as a "soulmate" before Pearl.

So what do you do with all that energy and tension, clearly apparent to yourself and everyone else, when you can't let them observe your feelings?

You project them.

Shout-outs to @/legally-allowed-to-slime for pointing out Pearl's comment early on in DL that she "feels like (she's) been broken up with" confirms she never saw Scott in a romantic sense. The "crazy ex-girlfriend" and "this is why I'm gay" comments really did come out of thin air, or perhaps insecurity.

Pearl is the crazy one. She's insane, because she wants me. She wants to be with me, so she does all this crazy stuff. She's lost control of herself because she wants me. She's disgusting.

I mentioned before that Scott is not your classic misogynist, but this is where the gears start turning. Scott's views of Pearl echo that of other players, most prominently Ren and Martyn, that Pearl has been overcome with some sort of corruption. She has become the witch, the demoness, the whore, in their eyes. Scott does not want to be the same as these men and I think his overcorrecting his behaviour in SL makes sense when you view it from this angle, but for now he has to rely on more traditional misogyny in order to navigate this new obstacle.

"Corruption" also implies that she had to have been pure (or at least pure-er) beforehand, something Scott personally knows is not true, but it falls in line with defaulting women to being "madonnas".

This is a Scott post but. shout outs to Ren for being all of this about Pearl but without the complexity of Scott like he literally accuses Pearl of seducing Bigb what the fuck man.

Pearl is, of course, none of that. But she plays into the role of being the witch much better than she fared playing into the role of the madonna.

Sidenote: I know I'm looking at this from a Scott/Pearl POV but I do feel like you can omit Scott's attraction if you look at it from a purely "pearl not performing to standards of femininity I expect and she makes me realise I don't view women as a whole as human which makes me feel weird so now we have to do this" POV. Like idk I think the exact reason he abandoned Pearl is going to be lost on everyone forever so any analysis I could perform is going to suffer at least a little bit of making-shit-up-itis.

I do also think there's something to be said about Pearl being pushed until she performed a role, any role and generally failing at Being A Girl tm but that's another post i think. yknow shes um. a bit. 🏳️‍⚧️ (but also very much not at the same time idk that's gonna need its own post)

anyway yeah uh the minecraft movie looks crazy huh

[wildsupernova]

oh, brother.

summary: after a trip to indianapolis, steve starts a long distance relationship with the lead singer of a band performing at a popular grunge bar. little does he know he’s actually dating his best friend’s sister.

word count: 2.4k

warnings: vulgar language, insinuations of sex

authors note

i’m gonna be honest with you guys, this is kind of a shitpost chapter just so i can put something out while i work on more serious stuff lol. i don’t really know how i feel about it but hey, i think it’s pretty funny, so enjoy.

x reader prompts list | full masterlist

Steve had no idea Eddie had a sister until he started dating her.

Looking back on it, it should have been obvious. Despite minute physical differences in appearance, they were practically the same person; same attitude, same likes and dislikes, same sarcastic looks and semi-annoying attitude. Eddie had talked about her once or twice, never really knowing enough about her to share any useful information. All he’d ever said was that his uncle told him he had a sister he’d never met. 

Steve had only met her on a roadtrip to Indianapolis with Robin. It was an impromptu trip to mark Robin’s last summer before college (even though she was only enrolled in community college a half hour away), with Robin claiming she wanted to enjoy her ‘last few days of freedom.’ They’d already spent the first half of the week with the rest of the group, so when Robin suggested she and Steve pack a few things and spend the weekend in Indianapolis, Steve was quick to fill his bags and grab his keys. 

They’d been itching for something to do since driving into town, dropping their bags off in their cheap motel rooms and aimlessly driving around town to find something to do. They’d seen a few small paper signs taped to light posts about a concert going on in the basement of some grunge bar, deciding it was about the only thing they could find that wasn’t closed at 10 pm on a Thursday. After a 15 minute drive through downtown Indianapolis in an effort to find a place, they finally pulled into the dark parking lot behind the building and made their way down the ramp to the basement. 

The basement was probably no wider than the basement of Steve’s house, packed from wall to wall with teens and young adults that were drunk, high, or both. A small stage sat against the wall across from the bar, a few stage lights hanging from the ceiling and a black curtain cutting off the stage from whatever laid behind it. The band’s equipment sat on the stage; a drumset, an electric bass, a guitar. The bright purple guitar sitting next to the microphone stand reminded Steve a lot of Eddie’s, making a mental note to tell Eddie about this place next time he tagged along.

Steve and Robin didn’t know how long they had been standing there before the stage lights kicked on, the second hand high and alcohol all mixing together thanks to a bar that didn’t card and a smoke circle going on in one of the far corners. Anyone else from Hawkins might have had a heart attack seeing it, but Steve was just glad nobody had started popping pills or snorting lines; he’d been to far too many parties with those kinds of people. 

Steve, deciding to spend the night sober considering he was the one that had to drive the two of them back to the motel, was on Robin babysitting duty, despite the fact that he was doing a really shitty job of it; she’d already found her home with one of the other girls in the venue, drink in hand and distant look in her eyes. When he went over to make sure she was alright, the other girl assured him she was sober and Robin was in good hands, so he decided to let her have her fun for the night and mingle amongst the crowd.

As soon as the curtain on the back of the stage opened, the crowd started to go wild, sending out whistles and cheers at the performers that began to fill the stage. He hadn’t seen the name of the band on the sign, nor was it anywhere in the venue, so he didn’t know what to expect. This wasn’t exactly his usual hangout, only coming to places like this whenever Eddie landed a gig or wanted to get loose for the night. He decided to just stand to the back of the crowd and watch as the band set up, eyes never leaving the stage as the last band member came through the curtains. 

You were probably one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen, basked in the red and blue stage lights shimmering a few feet above you. The black leather skirt you wore covered very little, so short it was a wonder it covered anything at all. A white t-shirt covered in colorful paint splatters was tucked into it, covered by a leather jacket littered with patches, doodles, and pins. The fishnet tights that adorned your legs were ripped in various places and disappeared under the tops of thick black combat boots, with a belt loosely hanging around your waist that tied everything together. Your maroon painted lips curled up in a confident smile, and you winked at Steve as the two of you locked eyes. 

He was hardly able to focus on anything except you, taking note of the way your eyes closed when you got particularly into your performance, or the way your black painted nails shimmered in the light as your delicate hands wrapped around the neck of the guitar. He drowned in your cover of Pat Benatar’s Heartbreaker, and let every note flow through him and cover him like the smoke floating around his head. 45 minutes later and the set was over, much to his dismay, and he sighed as he watched you walk back through the black curtains behind you.

Fully prepared to leave and never see you again, he went on his search to find Robin, finding her engaged in a heated game of drunk Rock-Paper-Scissors with the group of girls she’d found a home with at the beginning of the night. Steve, deciding to let her be, decided to take a seat at the bar, nursing a Coke to pass the time.

“Quite the show out there tonight. The usual?” The bartender, a thin blonde woman wearing the most extravagant goth makeup Steve had ever seen, spoke to someone behind Steve’s back as she dried out one of the glasses. The woman she was speaking to sat down in the barstool next to Steve’s, leaning her top half on the bartop.

“You know me better than anyone.” The bartender nodded and smiled in response, setting off on getting you your drink. Steve glanced at you out of the corner of his eyes but didn’t say anything, much to your disappointment. “I’ve been waiting for you to say something to me all night. Figured you’d at least come a little closer to the stage.”

“Didn’t want to bother you.” He saw you swivel the barstool towards him, legs crossed and leaning one arm against the bar. 

“Pretty face like yours could never be a bother.” Steve felt the redness rush to his cheeks. “First time here?”

“Is it that obvious?” You laughed.

“Let's just say you don’t exactly look like one of the regulars here.” You thanked the bartender as she put your drink down in front of you, a red concoction of alcohol he didn’t know. You took a sip, barely flinching at what had to be heavy liquor based on the vodka bottle he’d seen the bartender pick up earlier. “Where are you from?”

“Hawkins. A couple hours away from here.”

“I’ve got family there, an uncle and a brother. Never been to a place like that, not really my thing. What brings you to Indianapolis?”  

You and Steve shared small talk for what had to have been an hour, based on how far the hands of Steve’s watch had moved, but neither of you were in a rush for the conversation to end. The conversation had quickly become flirty, a tone initiated by you, and the next thing Steve knew he was driving you back to his motel room. 

He spent the rest of the weekend traveling around Indianapolis with you, spending time at parks, restaurants, practically anywhere that provided any sort of entertainment. When he left to drive back from Hawkins, you exchanged numbers and vowed to stay in touch, and before either you knew it, you were embroiled in a 3 month long long-distance relationship. Robin often made fun of Steve for driving to Indianapolis a few times a month just to see you, but he simply ignored it and kept his usual routine. 

He was ecstatic when you called him and said you were coming down to Hawkins for a few weeks to see family, planning out everywhere he could take you in town (which really limited his options, but he was being optimistic). He really should have connected the dots when Eddie had mentioned his sister from Indianapolis was coming down to Hawkins to meet him and his uncle, but he was too clouded by hormones and his own stupidity to see the signs. 

Now here he was, sitting on top of one of the picnic tables in Eddie’s trailer park, patiently waiting for Eddie’s sister to show up. Eddie had been begging Steve and the rest of the group to meet her ever since he heard she was coming down, barely giving them a choice. Steve had been engaged in a conversation with Robin when the car pulled up, Eddie rushing forward to greet the driver. Steve froze when the door opened and she stepped out. 

“So, naturally, I said- hey, dingus, you still with me?” Robin slapped his arm to try and get his attention, and when she followed his line of sight, she practically cackled like an evil witch. 

Because you were standing there a few feet away, hugging the long lost brother you had met only a few days ago. Your brother. One of Steve’s best friends. Steve was dating his best friend’s sister. 

Oh god. 

He slapped Robin upside the head to get her to shut up, shooting down the barrage of questions now being fired at him from Nancy and Jonathan. He tried to stay casual when the two of you walked over, but the moment the two of you locked eyes, both of you went red as a tomato. 

“Steve?”

“Hey, Y/n.” Eddie’s head ping ponged back and forth between the two of you, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Robin got up from her seat and hid the ear to ear grin on her face, tossing her empty beer can in the trash.

“I am going to go get another beer before this shit storm hits. Good luck, you two.” She held up a salute as she walked back towards the trailer. You cleared your throat, putting on the most innocent smile you could muster.

“You know that guy I was telling you about over the phone? The one I met at the bar?” Eddie still didn’t connect the dots, only looking at you with a confused expression. “Eddie, that guy was, no is, Steve.”

The words hung in the air for a second, the silence far more deafening than anything Eddie was going to say. Nancy covered her mouth in an effort to hide the laugh threatening to slip from between her lips. Jonathan’s lips were pursed to stop from smiling, and Steve could see Robin peering out from around the corner of the trailer to watch from a safe distance. When Eddie finally registered it, he clenched his fists and took a breath. 

“WHAT?” The next five minutes were a shit show. Nancy finally let out the laugh she’d been holding in, Jonathan let himself snicker and smile. Steve only sat there and flushed red as Eddie threw a variety of particularly vulgar words at him, yourself trying to hold him back and prevent anything from turning into a physical confrontation. Eventually, you dragged him back to the trailer, shutting the door behind you to shut him off from the group and calm him down. Robin came back laughing, fresh beer in hand. 

“Oh god, what are the odds?”

“I cannot believe that she’s the girl you kept talking about! You call her everyday, how did you not know?” Nancy wiped the tears from her eyes, shaking her head.

“He hasn’t just been calling her everyday, he drives there every other weekend to fuck her, too.”

“Robin! Come on, you’re just making it worse.” He held his head in his hands, trying to hide the red flush on his face. “How was I supposed to know? When she talked about her brother that lived in Hawkins I never thought she was talking about Eddie!”

“Yes, because it’s so difficult to figure out when Eddie also kept talking about his sister from Indianapolis.” Robin rolled her eyes. Steve sat there for a second and sighed.

“Wow, I am an idiot.”

“I wasn’t gonna say it.”

A few moments later, he heard the door of Eddie’s trailer open and then slam shut, looking up to see Eddie stalking towards him, red in the face. He braced himself for something along the lines of a punch, but Eddie only pressed a finger to his chest.

“You do anything to her and I swear to god, I’ll kill you.” Steve only offered a nervous nod in response, watching as Eddie sighed and shook his head. You appeared behind him, biting your bottom lip. “God, I need a drink.” 

When Eddie left, you approached Steve, letting out a relieved sigh and a smile.

“Hi.” He smiled at you. 

“Hi.” You shoved your hands in your pants pockets, rocking back and forth nervously. “If I’d known, I would have told you. I told Eddie he couldn’t blame you, since he never even told you my name. And I guess since I never told you his.”

“Well, let’s just hope the awkwardness has faded.” The two of you shared a laugh, and then fell into introductions and re-introductions with the rest of the group sitting at the table. Despite a few sideways glances from Eddie, the rest of the afternoon went smoothly, and by the time the sun dipped below the horizon, you were relishing in the feeling of family.

And hey, at least you wouldn’t have to go through the awkwardness of introducing Steve to your family, considering he already knew them.

[ame-in-the-rain]

it’s his birthday as well everyone wish elliot a happy birthday!!!

more art!

(reblogs are greatly appreciated!!)

[kaidenya]

Getting Caught ✧ MHA

Description: Headcanons for getting caught in a intimate moment with Hitoshi Shinso, Tenya Iida, Mirio Togata, & Tomura Shigaraki

WARNING: NSFW, suggestive content NOTE: This is a repost of an old SHITPOST headcanon I had on my previous account so if this looks familiar I hope you enjoy it the second time around!

“Nobody will know...”

Shinso

Shinso would go to his grave claiming that you were to blame for this situation

But in all honesty, he had been allowing things to build for far too long

You two weren’t necessarily a secret, but most people just assumed you were bEsT fRiEnDs 🥴

It was an honest misunderstanding

You had decided to keep physical contact to a minimum after an unfortunate attempt at holding his hand left you believing he didn’t enjoy any forms of PDA.

Shinso had just assumed the same about you.

However, as the two of you grew more serious, you found it more difficult to keep your hands to yourself

It just so happened your boyfriend had been working extremely hard in the hero course and it s h o w e d

You had found yourself admiring his changing physique and in turn, found you weren’t the only one admiring your boyfriend.

You weren’t necessarily jealous— you trusted him more than anything, but he tended to be socially constipated

And nobody seemed to know about you. Thus giving the other interested parties an unintentional greenlight to flirt with him. And there was one girl that had stood out among the sea of suitors.

Each time you saw the second-year girl perch next to Shinso it made your skin crawl, but no lines had been crossed.

Until they were.

Your knuckles were gripping the strap of your bag so tightly it ached when you made your way to where your boyfriend was perched outside

The second-year didn’t even acknowledge you as she continued her flirtatious ways and you don’t resist the urge to roll your eyes as you settle into the place next to him.

He had flashes you a lazy smile before focusing back on his phone screen.

Then her hand landed on his upper thigh

Let me tell you: sleepy boy was shocked when she touched him, but he was EVEN MORE SHOCKED when you took her by the wrist and tossed her hand to the side

You waste no time threading your fingers with his, rising to your feet and all but hauling him from his seat

His amusement only grew as he realized just how jealous you had gotten, a smirk forming over his lips as he set to teasing you

‘What’s the matter, kitty? You don’t like anyone touching daddy?’

NO, YOU DO NOT

You have no idea how you ended up on your knees in a supply closet??

Shinso is feeling very sure of himself above you, using the hand that was gripping the back of your neck as leverage to hold you down on his length

k i n g of dirty talk 🤭

Absolutely cannot help himself when it comes to telling you how pretty you look choking on his cock

Honestly doesn’t last long, but what do you expect? Seeing your jealous and possessive response to the girl he had given little to no acknowledgment had lit a fire in his chest

He was desperate to get his hands on you, to remind you that he was just as much yours as you were his.

And when he does— oh MAN he makes you forget all about the second-year girl

He has one of your legs draped over his shoulder as he goes down on you, licking and sucking at you in a way that had you trembling

You accidentally knock over a pile of brooms and mops, neither of you paying them any mind as your head lulled in bliss

If only you had remembered to flick the lock on the door…

Kirishima really thought someone was banging on the door for help. It wouldn’t have been manly— or heroic not to make sure someone wasn’t in trouble

Besides, why else would someone be making so much noise in a supply closet if they weren’t stuck??

So when the door swung open and he locked eyes with you, still panting and moaning as an all too familiar head of purple hair buried further into your heat—

He let out the loudest shout he could muster. Apologies poured from his mouth as he fumbled to shut the door

However, your boyfriend made no move to let you go. Instead, he hummed against your skin, only leaning back to nip at your inner thigh before speaking in a heavy voice

‘Better make this fast, kitty.’

Iida

So you’ve tried to keep your relationship on the down-low bc Iida doesn’t want anyone to think he’s distracted

We all know he just doesn’t wanna be called out for his obvious favoritism

Before you got together you were constantly pushing him, breaking minuscule rules in favor of gaining his attention. Nothing too immoral, but enough to get under his skin.

Like slipping into class just seconds after the bell had rung, nearly avoiding Aizawa’s attention, but never making it past Iida.

Or when a class had gotten a bit too stressful, the room filling with hot air as tensions rose and you had to pop open a few buttons of your uniform top

Then there was your favorite offense; desk sitting. If there was one sure way to get a reaction from your stickler of a boyfriend it was to place yourself on top of a desk.

Which is what you found yourself doing at the end of an unfavorable week. The two of you hadn’t gotten a moment together outside of your studies and you were growing needy.

So with a few moments of free time before class began, you decided to chat with Tsu and Uraraka, settling atop the desk between them when you had grown tired of standing

The desk belonging to none other than Tenya

Your ankles were crossed as you leaned forward to speak with Tsuyu and he was beyond s h o o k

Immediate hand chopping.

He’s towering over you, ranting about how your behavior was improper while keeping his hands clenched in an attempt to keep from running his fingertips along your thighs.

When was the last time you were this close to him? It had to have been longer than he realized for him to have such a strong reaction— are you biting your lip??

Any response between you died off as Aizawa addressed the class and you were sent back to your seat, leaving Iida far more frazzled than you realized

The moment class ends he has you tucked under an empty stairwell to continue his lecture

Only he doesn’t get very far

Tenya Iida has an authority kink. I take no criticism.

When you look up at him from under your lashes, muttering the words ‘yes sir’ as he chastised you, his resolve was shattered

Has you pressed against the wall immediately, fisting your blazer as he dips to press his forehead to yours

‘Why must you push me?’

Doesn’t even let you answer before his mouth is covering yours, hips arching to grind his obvious arousal against you

Knowing he had been just as affected by your as you had him was enough to spur a moan past your lips and he takes the chance to slide his tongue into your mouth

Although he was MORTIFIED at the impropriety of it all, he couldn’t resist the sweet noises you made as he expertly worked against you

His hand eventually slides between you, pushing past the waistband of your bottoms and grinding his palm against you teasingly

‘Now, who do you belong to, darling?’

You you youyouyou—

Your hand was rubbing along Iida’s hard cock, his length straining against his pants to the point you’re almost worried they’ll rip

Somehow the two of you had been so lost in one another that you hadn’t heard the door open at the top of the stairwell

Denki and Mineta honestly weren’t creeping this time— they just wanted a snack from the vending machine adjacent to you!

Got a whole ass meal instead 👁👄👁

A moan tore from your throat, quickly being smothered by Tenya’s parted lips as you came on his fingers

You had barely made out the echoing sound of objects clattering to the ground through the ringing in your ears

But your boyfriend had heard

His lips separated from you in an instant, shocked gaze shifting into something closer to anger as he recognized your classmates

Denki began stammering out an apology, looking close to short-circuiting as his attention flickered between you

Mineta had let his gaze linger on you for too long. His eyes taking in the way your exposed chest— Tenya must have pulled the buttons loose

You cringe away from his gaze, post-orgasm haze™ spurring you to tuck yourself closer to Tenya to avoid their stares rather than snap at them

It was your obvious discomfort that had kicked Iida into gear, twisting to thread your button your blouse together before rounding on the others

If embarrassment wasn’t enough, the thought of them having seen you in such a vulnerable position had him seething as he began his lecture

Attempts hand chopping them into submission, but they kept disregarding his words in favor of catching another glimpse of you in a fucked out state

All fondness for his classmates had vanished as he stepped into their line of sight, shielding you from their gazes. His eyes almost daring them to continue

Whatever words lingering on their tongues died off, heads bowing in shame as they agreed to keep the entire situation to themselves

After all, the potential wrath of Tenya Iida was not something to be taken lightly.

Mirio

Mirio’s love language is touch, without a doubt, so it’s honestly surprising when he’s NOT trying to get handsy with you

He’s always defended his obvious displays of affection by claiming he had so little free time— he’d be a fool to waste the opportunity to touch you!

Mirio jumped at the opportunity to feel you against him. Whether it was a heavy kiss to your lips after walking you to class, a hand slipping under your shirt to caress your back, or his fingers trailing teasingly along your thigh.

However, as much as he was attentive, he was also forgetful.

It was because of that forgetfulness that you found yourself alone in your dorm. Countless boxes of takeout were lined up on your desk and a pre-planned movie was ready to play on your small tv.

After a few hours and countless delivered messages, you succumbed to disappointment.

The following day Mirio can’t seem to figure out why you’re avoiding him, but he refuses to give up without a fight.

Definitely thinks it’s a game of some sort and takes it upon himself to break your silent streak

It wasn’t easy being upset with Mirio. He had an uncanny ability to brighten any room he stepped into and being irrevocably in love with him only strengthened his effect

He’s always hard for you and loves letting you know just how you affect him— so why not place a hand on your hand, pressing firmly against your back when he slips past?

You always look so stunning— why not feed you compliments at every given moment?

How could he not look at you with the most iNTENSE GAZE undressing you with his eyes in front of everyone?

It’s when he realizes that you aren’t reacting to his teasing and flirtatious behaviorist that he caves.

He finds you between classes, stirring you away from the crowd, despite your wordless protests. It isn’t until you’re tucked away in an abandoned hall that he finally asks what was wrong

You had fully intended on dragging it out, allowing anger to push you on. But he spoke to you in the softest voice, looked at you with eyes filled with so much devotion that it was nearly overwhelming

He is shocked when you shove him away— were you tearing up??

Actually gets super defensive because he doesn’t realize HES the one that made you upset

Once you finally cave and remind him about the date he had missed it hits him like a freight train.

The two of you so rarely got time together and he had stood you up.

‘I’m so sorry, baby. I’ve been so busy lately— I didn’t realize I was neglecting you.’

Does not waste time making it up to you. He cups your face in his hands as he starts placing soft kisses on your face, cooing softly as tears roll down your cheeks

Did somebody say praise kink?

How can you stay mad at him when he’s telling you how sorry he is and that he loves you and you’re the only one his dick will get hard for??

It isn’t long before he’s pinned you between him and the wall, hitching your legs around his waist while coaxing you into a heavy kiss

His hips flex to grind against you, his hot length slotting between your thighs as he digs his fingertips into the curve of your ass

Mirio does not care that somebody could see— his quirk leaves him naked all the time and he’s shameless 🥵

But again he’s so forgetful—

And he was meant to go straight to class 1A to talk with them alongside the other members of The Big Three

So when he didn’t show up Aizawa had sent Tamaki and Midoriya in search of their future number one hero

How were you supposed to know they would turn the corner just as you arched from the wall?

Mirio had no idea anyone was there as he used the hand that was wrapped around your throat as leverage to grind you over the edge—

bOY were you embarrassed when you heard the two boys audibly g a s p

Midoriya’s embarrassment nearly gave Tamaki a run for his money. You were quick to turn away, immediately hiding your face in his chest as he greeted the duo in an overly cheerful voice

Absolutely teases the three of you over the incident FOREVER!!

Shigaraki

Shigaraki was obsessed with you.

There was no way around how infatuated he had become and it only seemed to grow alongside your relationship

He was touch starved. The moment you began giving him physical affection and attention it was game over

He had no shame, especially when it came to his desire for you, which is how you often found yourself perched on his lap no matter the company.

That being said, the leader of the League of Villains became intolerable when the two of you were separated for long.

And a recent spiral of events has prevented you from returning to the hideout, thus leaving the others to deal with him

You weren’t expected to return until the following week. Aside from texting Shigaraki endlessly (didn’t he have anything better to do?) and assuring Twice and Toga that you’d be returning as soon as possible, you hadn’t had much contact with the League

Shigaraki was wound up tight, lashing out at the others far more than usual. That was how he ended up sitting at the bar, Father concealing his annoyance as Kurogiri took over the meeting.

And suddenly you were walking in, muttering a quick apology before taking the only available seat beside Toga

Shigaraki could not keep his eyes off of you, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by the others. It was the most present he had been since you left.

Of course, that meant Dabi has also noticed and never missing an opportunity to mess with their ruthless leader he shifted closer from his place behind you, muttering small talk into your ear

There is no doubt in my mind that Shigaraki was staring at you both like 😠 behind Father

Luckily the meeting had been wrapping up upon your arrival and the group was dismissed, many leaving to handle their own business.

However, the moment you had leaped to your feet Tomura had vanished from the room

With a sigh you moved over to the bar, sliding into the seat that had once been occupied by your man and Kurogiri placed a drink before you

By the time you had downed the last bit the bar had gotten eerily quiet, though when you shifted to speak to the Misty Man he was already looking over your shoulder. With a single nod, he had left the room.

The moment he was gone leather artist gloves shoved under your top, your heart racing at the all too familiar feeling as a palm settled between your shoulders

‘I’ve missed you, pet.’

There was a harsh tone to his voice, but it was contradicted by the trail of open-mouthed kisses he pressed along your neck and shoulder

Your entire body arched against him, head craning back to catch a glimpse of him, smiling widely as you met his gaze and returned the sentiment

A scoff slid past his lips, though you could see the amusement dancing in his gaze as his hand reached around to wrap around your throat

Despite the gloves, he kept a pinky in the air

His mouth covers yours in a sloppy kiss as his hips jolt sharply against you, knocking you against the countertop

Absolutely cannot control himself as he ruts against you, wasting little to no time in pushing your bottoms down past your thighs

Heat pooled in your stomach as his free hand reached between you to pull himself from his jeans

His dick slid between your thighs, a throaty whine sliding past your lips and despite the slick from your arousal the thick head stretched you perfectly

You had been completely lost in him, moaning and whining freely as he continued to rut against you.

There was a click throughout the room, similar to the door handle being twisted and your attention was adverted to the source

However, Shigaraki was faster.

He grabbed the back of your head and using his hold as leverage to press your face flat against the bar-top while his other hand worked against your sensitive center. A loud moan that was undoubtedly his name tumbled past your lips

‘There’s my little slut— louder, make sure they know who makes you feel this good.’

Unbeknownst to you, the person he wanted to be sure knew you were his had entered the room, Tomura meeting his gaze with a smirk as you began chanting his name like a prayer

A harsh thrust of his hips sent you over the edge as you came on his cock, filthy praises slipping past his lips as his hot release rolled down your thighs

He placed another sloppy kiss on the back of your neck before parting from you.

The moment you lift your head and begin adjusting yourself you lock eyes with Dabi

Embarrassed didn’t even begin to explain how you felt as Tomura let out a loud laugh, reaching down to pull your bottoms up after he had tucked himself away

‘Go wait on my bed while I speak with Dabi and I may let you come on my tongue.’

You wasted no time hurrying away from the two, heart pounding from both excitement and humiliation as you rushed to do as you were told

[mischiefandi]

My Blog in 2021 <3

Hi everyone!!

I’ll be writing again soon and I wanted to give you guys some information on what I’m gonna be doing on here from now on. There’s gonna be a few changes to how I’ll be handling my blog and my writing which is why I’m making this post so everything makes sense and you know what’s coming <3

everything is below the cut ! ( this is quite a serious post ngl :)

Fandoms

As you’ve probably seen on my blog these past few weeks, I’ve fallen back in love with the Harry Potter universe and I’ve decided I will be writing fanfiction about Harry, Fred Weasley, and the Marauders (Wolfstar content, Sirius Black x Reader, Remus Lupin x Reader, and some Marauders headcanons). I will still be writing for Peter Parker in the MCU fandom and I will also be writing for Drake Walker from the Choices fandom. However, I’ve decided that after I finish my series “A Shitty Love Song” (Stiles Stilinski x Reader), I will officially stop writing for Stiles.

He’s still one of my comfort characters but I don’t feel as inspired anymore and because Teen Wolf ended so long ago now, I just don’t feel the same love for it as I used to. I will definitely still reblog gif sets and shitposts about Teen Wolf!! and I will not stop talking about Stiles on my blog lmao but I won’t be writing about him anymore. I know a lot of people follow me for that, so I apologise if you feel let down or disappointed. 

I really appreciate all the love and the support you guys have been surrounding me with ever since I joined the Teen Wolf fandom, and I still love yall and will gladly discuss the show with you guys!! Thank you for understanding, I really hope you’ll still enjoy my blog and my content!

NSFW Content

Because I was a minor up until last August, I wasn’t comfortable with writing smut or NSFW content. My views on NSFW content on tumblr have changed a lot in the past few months and I have realised that I am now responsible for the content that I decide to share with readers and followers. I am 18 years old and I now feel comfortable writing smut, meaning I will be posting NSFW fics on my blog starting now. However, I would like to make some things clear:

If you are under 18 years old, I ask that you do not interact with my NSFW content. You are allowed to read my other fanfiction and you are allowed to interact with my blog and with me, however, my NSFW content is off limits. I know that this won’t necessarily make sense to everyone, and I know people will be upset, but this is a boundary I will enforce for your own protection as well as my own. I really am sorry if you feel disappointed or feel excluded, but smut is written pornography and there is a reason why the law prohibits minors from interacting with it. 

As a legal adult, I do not feel comfortable supplying minors with sexual content. All minors, including my friends/mutuals, will be blocked if they interact with my NSFW content, so I ask again: please do not interact with my NSFW content if you are under 18, regardless of where you live, where you’re from, and regardless of your past sexual experiences. I will not be making exceptions and this isn’t up for discussion. I really do not want to be rude or act pretentious, but this really is a necessity and I will be taking this seriously.

Like I said, I will now start writing smut, however I will only be writing smut about 18 year olds and above. I do not feel comfortable writing smut about minors, even if they are 16-17. I know that minors engage in sexual behaviour in real life, but like I said, I do not feel comfortable writing about it. I also will not be writing non-con content, nor will I write about incest or dubious consent content. I ask that you please respect my choice.

For the sake of transparency, I will keep tagging the sexual content on my blog as NSFW and I will add it in the warnings above my fanfiction every time. Again, I ask that you respect these boundaries if you are a minor. I also ask that the other adult creators tag my writings as NSFW if they decide to reblog them. Thank you!!

Lastly, because I am 18, I want to say that if you feel uncomfortable with me interacting with your content or talking to you, do not hesitate to tell me and I will respect your own boundaries. Friendships on tumblr are complicated because everyone can stay anonymous while maintaining relationships with each other, which can make some people very uncomfortable, especially minors. I will completely understand if you would rather I stay away from your blog.

What I Read

I love reading people’s fanfiction and I really try to be supportive of my friends and their content however I have realised that there are a few things I see that make me uncomfortable, which is why I have decided to tell you guys that I will not be reading NSFW content about real people anymore. I don’t judge creators that do write about real people, nor do I necessarily disagree with them, I just know that it doesn’t make me feel comfortable anymore so I will not be reading those kinds of fics anymore. I am really sorry if that upsets or disappoints you but I’m not going to force myself to read things that make me feel uneasy haha.

Also, I don’t think I have ever interacted with fanfiction that talks about someone’s real life trauma because it always made me feel extremely uncomfortable, and I don’t intend on starting now so please don’t tag me in content like that! I don’t want to disrespect your work or your writing, but I feel that there are certain boundaries we have to respect as “fans” and romanticising a real person’s personal trauma is just not right in my eyes (Dylan O’Brien’s accident for instance). Yes, this includes past relationships or exes (something I didn’t always respect but now I do).

Speaking of trauma, I would like to specify something. 

I will not, and will never romanticise a character on here who’s personality revolves around his/her/their trauma (yes, even if it’s fictional). It was a big issue with Arvin Russell in the Tom Holland fandom, and it will be an even bigger issue when Cherry comes out. I used to read Mitch Rapp fanfiction, something that I don’t intend on doing anymore, unless it’s soft Mitch who’s resolved his issues haha. If a character’s entire story arc and trauma has turned them into a violent and mentally ill person, it is not something that I want to romanticise or fantasize about. It can be harmful because it reinforces the idea that toxic relationships and/or violence are romantic or sexy things. They aren’t.

What to expect on my blog for the next few months

I will be writing again in two weeks and here is what I’ve got cooking:

I will finish posting A Shitty Love Song

I will be writing a series about Harry Potter and an OC (this is a big project I’m taking on so I won’t be giving more details until I’ve really worked on it)

I will be writing a Fred Weasley series (will include smut so prepare yourselves haha)

I will be writing more Peter Parker one-shots and I might have some series ideas for later down the line

I will be writing more Drake Walker one-shots

I will be finishing writing the song blurb requests I got way back in November (im sorry it’s been so long!!)

I will also be starting a new weekly thing on my blog. I’ll explain the details in a couple of weeks but there will be a taglist so you guys get notified when we play <3

I WILL BE PLANNING A 1.2K FOLLOWERS CELEBRATION WHEN I’M DONE WITH EXAMS I LOVE U GUYS

I realise that this post is insanely long and not exactly fun to read, so if you’ve stuck around till the end, thank you so much!! Please respect the boundaries I have set for my blog and please try to understand where I’m coming from before you do anything haha. I really don’t mean to act all high and mighty or superior to anyone, I’m really not haha, but I do feel responsible for the content I share on here and this is a post I’ve been meaning to make for quite some time now. I love you guys so so so much, thank you for 1.2K followers!! I feel blessed and I am so so so excited to keep creating content for you and for myself. 2021 will be awesome <333333

tagging my mutuals and my forever tag+other posts tag:

News and Other Posts Tag

@stiles-o-dylan24 @duskholland @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @hcomet28 @decaffeinated--fangirl @teen--marvel @cheesecakes-randomshitz

Forever Tag

@stixnstripesworld @masterofbluff @drakewalker04 @superapplepie @apatheticanvas67482

Mutuals

@duskholland @thelittlestkitsune @apatheticanvas67482 @mrscutiefandobhaz @teen--marvel @aquariusholland @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @siriusly-harry @solstilla 

[wincestisasincest]

The Green Book (Thorin’s Company x Reader, Part 3)

Hey gang! Wow, it has been a long time. I actually had the draft on my desk top for a really long time and just never got around to post it, because my life has been really crazy, but she’s back! I’ve already started the draft for the fourth chapter, so ready yourselves! Thanks so much for your patience : ). 

Summary: (Y/n) falls into Middle Earth. Shocker. Somehow, she gets recruited to join a party of dwarves on their kinda crazy mission to reclaim their home of Erebor.

Part: 1, 2, 3

Tags (let me know if you want to be added to the list!): @stuckupstucky, @dianaarelyfernandezgarza97, @alexloveskili

Words: 2188

Warnings: None I think...? I mean (y/n) is kinda a pussy in this chapter and Thorin is... himself so just be aware of that

Finally gaining my footing, I drew myself to my feet and regained my surroundings in the middle of the hazy afternoon. 

I used the reflection on the phone to observe myself. My (h/c) hair was an absolute tangled mess, with leaves, small twigs, and even a few pebbles here and there. I mussed it with my hand before lightly parting it, like I would do every morning. Of course, I still looked terrible, but something about fixing hair always makes people feel better.

I looked at my chin, where a massive bruise had planted itself, no doubt from the rather aggressive pushing and shoving from the trolls. Additionally, my legs and arms had been littered with small cuts and bruises that had just now begun to sting and make themselves noticed. Great. 

The next order of business was to find the Company. Admittedly, I was highly uncomfortable with the idea of meddling in a familiar tale. I touched on it earlier, but, reader, the tales of Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins, Gandalf the Gray, and all of their adventures in reclaiming Erebor were, in fact, very common tales from where I come from. So common that they are read aloud to children every night. However, no one actually believed them to be true, for dwarves, hobbits, and wizards, along with every race except human, do not exist in the world where I come from. 

I would expand on this further, but I imagine that whoever reading this has many of the same questions as my dwarf companions will ask later in these many tales, so do be patient. 

While we are taught as children that it is bad practice to mess around with things that are already set in stone, we are also taught that cops are good and that “because” is a valid reason for anything, so I ignored that advice. 

They may be my only chance to ever see civilization again. 

Catching up with them was very easy, as, while they are quite business oriented, they travel very slowly. They had spent a long time searching in the caves of the trolls that had been killed earlier, and even longer packing and preparing for the journey ahead. Dwarves are tough, that’s for sure, but they are also very methodical, and do not like to be interrupted when they have already begun something. 

Like a stalker (which I guess I technically was), I peaked out at their company from behind a tree, wondering when exactly my entrance should be made. They were apparently wondering something similar. 

“I say we should look for ‘er.” Fili posited.

“I second the lad.” Dwalin piped up. Oh dear, that dwarf was so intimidating up close. Even though I was noticeably taller than him, he could take me out with a single swing of his axe, no questions axed asked. 

“If she wanted our help, she would’ve come back and gotten it by now.” Nori remarked, to which Thorin sternly nodded. He was right. I did need their help, and I was back to get it. Gold digger life. (A/N I’m so sorry for removing the immersion, I would just like to apologize for all of the Gen Z shitposting in this. Feel free to tell me to knock it off.) 

Gandalf and Bilbo were there. It was a moment I recognized, when Gandalf introduced Bilbo to his now famous blade, Sting. I realized in that moment that literally any point in which I decided to emerge would be interrupting something. I quickly swallowed my pride and decided to reveal myself. 

“Uh, hi! I’m back.” I had absolutely no idea what to say. They all turned to face me, though at this point I was used to being gawked at. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me feel a little bit dizzy, though. 

I waved awkwardly, supporting my red canvas backpack over my shoulder. No one was saying anything. 

Gandalf lifted his every curious head up and eagle-eyed me from across the clearing. 

“Miss (Y/n)! So you have decided to join us.” It felt supremely unnatural to have him say my name. He crossed the way to approach me, leaving a rather disconcerted hobbit in the dust. 

“Uh… yeah. I guess I have.” 

“Wonderful! However, I’m afraid that I only offer my acquaintanceship to ladies whom I know more than their name. After all, it is only fair, since I’m sure you know mine?” No one bothered to interrupt the wizard, who, if I wasn’t mistaken, was doing the same thing to me that he did when he first met Bilbo outside of his hobbit hole. 

“Ummm, yeah, you’re Gandalf the Gray. And I guess, uh,” I breathed in deeply, realizing that, whether I tell the truth or lie, I’m going to sound extremely pathetic, “I’m (f/n) (l/n), but you can just call me (f/n). Uh, I’m human, I guess, and um, I don’t really know where I am right now. I’m kinda lost, I guess.”  

“Where do you hail from?” Damnit, damnit, I had no idea how to answer this.

“Ummm… really not from here. Like, so far that you probably haven’t heard of it.” His expression deepened a little bit. He was not playing as much as he pretended to. A somewhat scary reminder of the actual investment in the protection of his friends that it was easy to forget that he had.

“Try me.” 

“(Hometown name).” I answered back, with a fair amount of fake confidence. He furrowed his brow and pondered slightly, while everyone else remained completely puzzled. Of course, they had never heard of my hometown either, but the were far less travelled then Gandalf, and simply resolved to not seem outwardly ignorant. 

“You’re right, I suppose. I never have been there,” he paused, and no one surrounding him, myself included, was exactly sure what that pause meant, “But, how does one from the mysterious land of (hometown name) get so far from it?” 

“I’m not sure. I truly have no idea how I got to this place. One day it was life like any other, and the next thing I know I had woken up about to be eaten by a troll. I swear, I don’t know.” I added that last part, because I was serious, even if it sounded like I was completely making it up as I went a long, and doing a very poor job at that. 

“No need for swearing, I believe you.” 

“Well, I do not.” Thorin Oakenshield entered the ring.

“She wasn’t talking to you, dear Thorin.” Gandalf may appear spacy at times, but his sharp wit never left his side. 

“No, that is true, though perhaps she should’ve been, considering that I am the leader of this company.” I found it strange that, though he was arguing about me, Thorin had not yet dared to look me in the eye. 

“A leader who was too afraid to approach a frightened young girl alone in the forest?” My face twisted into a bit of a displeased expression. I thought I had hidden my fright well enough, and I was practically an adult. 

“She appeared far from frightened. While you were not there to see it, she was the one who confronted the troll head on, even when he was threatening her. And that thing that she can do with her eyes! I do not believe that she is as innocent as she appears.”

“Perhaps then, dear Thorin, all the more reason to have her accompany us for some time being. Perhaps,” he turned to me briefly before returning to the conversation, “we shall discover some more hidden skills that may be of surprising use.” 

I’d never felt so painfully passive in my entire life, just watching two people argue about what was to happen to me while pretending like I wasn’t even there. Did I even want to accompany them? To this point, I just wanted to go with them to Elrond’s house and then see if there is any aid there. Of course, it helped that Elrond’s house is basically an all-expenses-paid vacation, and particularly accommodating to lost souls. 

It became frighteningly clear that whatever separate visions they had of what was to become of me in their mind, neither of them were what I wanted.

“Are ye hungry, lass?” A finger poked my side. It was Bofur, a slightly more comforting sight. Though the two continued their bickering in the background, I diverted myself from the conversation slightly to face him.  

“Um, no, I think I’m okay, I-“ my stomach growled. 

Bofur smiled understandingly. 

“Well, we got lots o’ food if y’ever change your mind.” 

“Mahal, where did you get that?!” Kili yelled from the side. It appeared that I was now up for grabs by anyone who wanted to talk to me, as Thorin and Gandalf walked off. 

“What?” 

“That!” Kili pointed a finger at my chin, which I stroked thoughtfully, realizing that he was taking note of my large, now splotchy bruise that almost appeared to be a poorly shaved five o’clock shadow. 

“Oh, this? It was from the troll, I think. It wasn’t there before.” I rubbed my chin thoughtfully again before giving him something of a lopsided smile. He appeared quite amused at the concept of large bruises. 

“Lad, it’s considered polite to introduce yerself before askin’ a lass about ‘er wounds.” Balin remarked from the side, winking at me thoughtfully.

“Ah, yeah. Apologies. I’m Kili, at your service, miss!” He playfully bowed. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I already knew all of their names, so I just passively watched as the introduction ritual took place, feigning mental notes as though it would be a struggle for me to recall them later. 

I “met” Fili next, as he always tried to one up Kili with the showmanship, then Bofur, who introduced his family, Bifur and Bombur. Dwalin and Balin respectfully bowed, which felt way more gratifying than it should. Dori, Nori, and Ori introduced themselves together, followed by Oin and Gloin. Finally, the smallest member, Bilbo, appeared to have the most practiced bow, and politely introduced himself. I nodded. 

“(F/n) (l/n) at yours.” I recalled the response to the standard greeting from the book, while doing a mock curtsey. I was still wearing jeans. 

“I have to admit, it’s been a while since we’ve seen a lass, or anyone for that matter, in these woods.” Balin chatted curiously. 

“I can only guess as to why.” The sarcasm was the first thing that I had felt natural saying in a while. 

“Perhaps the giant trolls?” Ah, yes. Sarcasm was something that the dwarves were not yet used to. I nodded at let it pass. 

The group held their breath and Gandalf and Thorin returned, a tacit agreement among them to let Thorin do the talking. He stepped forward.

“Very well, (y/n) of (hometown name). You will be permitted to travel with our Company until you may be returned to some area of safety, though I must warn you against doing anything that may inhibit our quest.” 

I nodded, silently agreeing to the terms that had been placed before me. He grunted, and returned to packing for the journey ahead. 

“You must tell me more about this (hometown name) when you get the chance, Miss (y/n).” Gandalf added. 

“I’d be glad to.” I smiled, lying through my teeth. Part of me wanted to begin planning for when I would eventually have to lie about where I came from, but the other part of me simply had no idea what to anticipate. 

I recalled my red canvas backpack, knowing that it was filled with things so far from this time that it would be disastrous if they got in the hands of any of my travelling companions, even someone as wise as Gandalf. I recalled my familiarity with their tales, knowing that, no matter how honest I was, I could not reveal to them that I knew the end. I recalled the death of Thorin, Fili, and Kili, the abuse of Bilbo, the psychological torture of Thranduil, and everything unfortunate in between. 

Perhaps I was better off dying in the forest alone. 

“Miss (y/n), you may walk with me if you like? We are both quite out of place in this company.” Bilbo cautiously approached me, his small voice easier to focus on as the rest of the Company began to leave me alone to pack for the time being.

“I would be honored, though I’m afraid I am not a terribly experienced traveler.”  

“Then we shall make fine company, Miss (y/n).” 

“Oh, you can just call me (y/n), no ‘Miss’ needed.” 

He appeared somewhat startled, and on the verge of insulted. 

“Oh, no, no, it’s just that the ‘Miss’ isn’t very common where I come from. I didn’t mean anything by it.” I hastily added, trying to fix whatever mess I had started. 

“You really do come from far, don’t you?” Now he seemed to be observing me. I nodded. 

“Yes. It’s going to be a long way back.”

***********

So we finally start the shenanigans, though I must warn you that this is only getting started. As always, feel free to shoot me ideas as to what (y/n) has, or perhaps even a pairing. I’m considering also making this one a choose-your-own-adventure in terms of pairings, but that would take a lot more work, so if y’all have a specific one let me know and I can just write that!

[kinguponthesea]

This blog has hit 250 followers! Thanks to all of you for accepting me into the various RPCs that I’ve been a part of. I’ve loved writing with all of you, and you’ve all helped me grow and improve my writing since I’ve been here. I’m so glad to have meet you all, and made new friends who I love and adore writing with, and you’re all truly wonderful.

@lastxdragon: You’re one of my oldest friends here on the app, and one of the first I truly wrote Aegon with. You’ve helped me get a better understanding of his character and what he truly wants through our interactions. Your Daenerys is second to none, and a fantastic pairing with Young Griff. Thank you for being a fantastic writing partner and being patient with my lazy ass taking my sweet time to reply to everything. You’re an amazing writer, and I practically jump for joy every time I see one of your posts appear in my notifications, because I know it’s going to be a good one. Dany and Young Griff are an unstoppable pair, who deserve the continent they’ll reclaim soon enough.

@fereldcnqueen: even though we don’t talk as much as we used to you’re the one who originally helped me make this blog look gucci af. I always get a smile when we shitpost on discord together and send each other memes. I really appreciate the help you gave me when I was just starting out here on Tumblr last year, I feel like I’ve come a long way since then and it wouldn’t have happened without your help.

@dcvahrend: Besides your shitposts being as legendary as the dragonborn, you were one of the first people I ever wrote TES writing for, especially in plotting out Young Griff’s story throughout the lore, and how he should precisely fit. Thanks to you, Alessia had another champion to liberate her people from the bonds of the Aylieds. I hope we get to write again soon. In the mean time, we will content ourselves with shitposting on discord, which I always enjoy anyways.

@lady-proudmoore: Your Jaina is the model that Blizzard should strive to write for, honestly. Our thread of Arthas and Jaina has allowed me to flex my writing muscles again and to really dig into deep emotions that I haven’t had the chance to do with other characters. Even though our thread is always serious, we can always find a way to lighten the mood with a doodle or two showing how Arthas has changed since we first met him in Warcraft 3, and the AU we put him in. They’re nothing short of fantastic, and I can’t wait to see where our threads go next.

@sheharrowed / @dovwahlaan / @cealach or whichever blog you’re currently on: You’re a fantastic writer and an even better friend. Tamara has been such a good influence on my writing of Casimir, letting me fully understand how he would change throughout the course of his reign, and how he himself could change his opinion on a group he so vehemently hated throughout his life, thanks to one woman. They finally get the ship of their dreams, and your OCs deserve all the love they can get, considering just how deep their backstories are and how fleshed out our interactions have been. You’re amazing.

And of course, thank you to the rest of you, who have all helped me on this journey to begin writing on a new app and make new friends. Although I have only mentioned a few of you on this short list, you have all helped me in ways both great and small. If you’re not on this list, do not feel bad, for I appreciate every one of you for giving me a chance by giving me a follow. I hope to write with all of you one day.

Thank you all,

Rhae.

[stvlti]

And so I leap, widowed at twenty-seven, From a made Heaven, lest I too be shriven. WIDOW WIDOW WIDOW. I like this line 🍸

Pick a passage (500 words or less) from any fanfic I’ve written and I’ll give you a “DVD commentary”

rules of the ask game | my AO3

oh my god, okay. I really do appreciate you sending this in, I was hoping to get a serious one for this ask meme. but I have to be honest, I have pretty much not looked at that poem since I first wrote it back in 2015, so when I received this ask I was scratching my head asking myself what the fuck was even going on inside my head when I wrote that last line (“lest I too be shriven”) 5 years ago.  the subsequent guesswork + digging through multiple online dictionaries / articles it took for me to compile a response... *lies down*

it’s ok though, it was fun trying to piece it back together. so, without further ado: this is False-Eyed Doll, a Death Note poem.

CW: REFERENCES TO SUICIDE & CANON CHARACTER DEATHS

– also, spoilers ahead! turn back if you want to read the poem first –

So the lines you submitted are the last 2 lines of the poem, which was written as a derivative form of the Sonnet, making these 2 lines the final couplet of the Sonnet. 

Now the thing about Sonnets is, if you are following the Shakespearean format, the ‘turn’ (volta) occurs right before the final couplet, meaning this couplet is the ‘conclusion’ that follows the ‘twist’ of the poem’s narrative. 

Now He has Her slain; oh, will l remain Wilting in His wake, maddened by His maw?

Yet He by own pen dies, man who became Law. And so I leap, widowed at twenty-seven, From a made Heaven, lest I too be shriven.

I wrote this poem as a ‘Misa poem’, and I meant for it to reappropriate certain canon events in Misa’s POV. So the poem’s narrative begins with the thesis of Misa being introduced to Light and his Kira world order (in stanza I), then sets up her relationship with Rem, her "guardian angel" Shinigami with differing opinions on Light (in stanza II) as the antithesis. The main thrust of the narrative concerns itself with Misa’s conflicting position between the two. However in spite of Rem’s warning, Misa chooses Light, because with the Kira crusade she has finally found a tentative foundation she could grow into and reestablish her footing in this world after her own tragedy (“in His embrace I shall rule again”). 

That was the trajectory of her life plans. So the ‘twist’, the turn, comes when not only Rem dies but Light, her new foundation, does too ("Yet He by own pen dies, man who became Law”). Of course, this is not a surprise for us the readers, since we know how the story ends in canon, but it’s a huge double whammy (heh, Wammy) to Misa. 

So then we arrive at the final couplet, which centres on Misa’s response to this ‘turn’ of events.

And so I leap

“So she leaps”, because this is the only logical conclusion she could come to after losing her “Law” and foundation. She sees no other future ahead with all her plans in ruins, so she climbs to the top of the investigation tower and chooses* death. (This line is a reference to the anime post-credits scene, where it’s implied she commits suicide.)

widowed at twenty-seven

Honestly I’m cringing a bit that the word choice, “widowed”, was what caught your eye. I’m not sure that’s my proudest detail in this poem 😬 I guess I was really leaning into the MisaxLight component there. There’s always been this underlying sense of commitment that Misa has projected onto Light in canon, from her wanting to start that kind of married, domestic life with Light during the Yotsuba arc, to her trying her hand at playing the stay-at-home housewife during the Light-as-L arc (albeit imperfectly) - there are so many aspects in her interactions with Light that simply screams marriage, at least from Misa’s POV. And on a meta level, she definitely promises her mind, body, and soul to Light’s Kira crusade, trading away her lifespan, altering herself to carry the Eyes for Light, and at the core of it, giving her heart over to Light completely. She has effectively married herself not just to Light, but to Kira, too. So to call Light’s death and the loss of everything that comes it a sort of “widowing” is simply the truth. It is Misa’s truth.

And I fought hard to keep the aged “twenty-seven” detail, because I always found it sort of fascinating that Misa qualifies for the 27 Club. She’s a star in the entertainment industry, at this point she’s amassed a successful mini empire with a career spanning modelling, fashion, cosmetics, TV acting, etc., and yet she’s gone too soon at just 27, because she chose* death to escape a tortured existence... (Just like many other legends have before her, who passed away from their own coping mechanisms in addiction and etc.) It’s definitely tragic, but there’s also a sort of dangerous romanticism that certain people associate Club 27 with, which unfortunately I think would be in line with Misa’s worldview too. 

(HUGE DISCLAIMER HERE, ok, I do not condone this sort of thinking! This poem is a persona poem! The views represented here do not represent my own. But it is in my opinion the sort of unhealthy ideas Misa would’ve believed in. )

But you know what though. Insisting to keep “widowed at twenty-seven” on this line had its consequences too, because then I had to find a word that rhymed for the last line, which brings us to...

From a made Heaven, lest I too be shriven

Bro, this line gave me soooo much trouble trying to piece back together the thought process behind it. The front part is pretty self-explanatory, it’s a “made Heaven” because Kira’s empire is just made by one man claiming to be God. It’s an artificial Heaven, not a real one. But dang, “shriven”??? 

2015!me was being too clever for my own good. Forget all the wack shit I was shitposting in the fandom about, this is the thing that’s ultimately come back to bite me in the ass, isn’t it

Ok but we’re here now, and we gotta finish this ‘DVD commentary’, so let’s get into it. Obviously I was trying to keep up the whole motif of God and Heaven and religion, so I went looking for a word that would fit the theme. Except, to be completely honest, I was raised irreligious, so when I chose the word “shriven” I kinda just chose it because (1) it sounded cool; (2) it rhymes. I don’t have any emotional connection to the word and I certainly don’t have a nuanced grasp of its meaning, which, really bad form of me as a poet. I don’t do that anymore. (And it’s probably the reason why I kept this in the fandom corners and never shared it in class back then 😭 I was hoping I wouldn’t be quizzed on this lmaooo)

But what I do know, is that “shriven” means to confess and receive penance for one’s sins. And I was aiming for meta here - because there is the Catholic concept of punishment and repentance for one’s wrongdoings, but there is also the secular, judicial concept of punishment and reform for one’s crimes. And, okay, I was making some assumptions* here, i.e. even without her memories Misa could guess something happened to Light, and that something had to do with the Kira case. She’s a bottle blonde, but she’s not dumb dumb, so she could’ve reasonably made an educated guess. So then, “lest I too be shriven”: in a way, Misa is choosing* suicide in fear of being “shriven” by the criminal justice system much the same way they’ve done Light in. And even without the judicial component, she could (and logically, should) be wary of the general persecution and social stigma that comes with being involved in a high-profile criminal investigation like this. (Because it wasn’t just any other criminal, it was Kira, the world’s most wanted killer and mass-murderer, and there’s still plenty of people left in the world with a bone to pick with Kira’s ideology, methods, and many more left with a vendetta for the loved ones Kira has taken away from them.) So this line sets up a nice subtle dichotomy, one that flips the script, because now she’s not the one who passes ‘divine’ judgement, delivers punishments and ‘shrives’ the criminals by Kira’s side, now she’s ‘fallen from grace’ (so to speak) from their 'made Heaven’ and she’s the one running away from being delivered justice and penance.

Pretty cool, right? But honestly, if I had a chance to write this poem again I would not do this to myself ( T д T ) The cool rhyme scheme is not worth all this mental gymnastics just to get at the idea I was trying to communicate ( T _ T )

(*) Note: 

I kept talking about Misa “choosing” death, but the very idea itself is also a bit of an assumption on my part. Sure, at face value we have no reason to suspect it’s not an act she chose to commit of her volition. But, there’s also been talk about whether her choosing to commit suicide at 27 is simply a result of her shortened lifespan after her having traded her remaining years away twice. Like it was simply time’s up for her at 27, and she had to die one way or another. Another consideration is the fact that Ryuk has stated all users of Death Note are cursed with an unhappy life / end eventually. There’s no telling whether that’s another contributing factor to Misa’s suicide, too. But for this poem and the sake of its concentrated narrative focus, I’ve chosen to go with the interpretation that Misa chose to commit suicide of her own accord. That bit of commentary on “lest I too be shriven” also subscribes to the particular school of interpretations / headcanons that Misa possessed far more cognizance than we expect throughout the whole investigation and story of Death Note. Like I said, she’s a bottle blonde, but she’s not dumb dumb. I like the fanon that’s been gaining popularity in recent years, the idea that Misa is plenty capable and cunning for a normal civilian and young entrepreneur. She just seems dumb next to literal geniuses.

[mahou-goth]

Today is the 2nd birthday of my art blog! Maybe this is sort of silly, but I've been reflecting a lot lately, so I'll probably get rambly and sappy and serious and other bullshit. Under the cut!

TW: suicide ment, parental death

I remember when I was in early high school I was always kind of in awe that people could get so invested into something that they'd make fanart for it constantly. I'd see it a lot! But back then my hyperfixations would only last a couple weeks before I got tired of it and moved on to something else. There was never anything consistent enough that I'd want to draw fanart, even back when RWBY first came out it was the same thing. I'd be obsessed for a while! And then move on.

But two years ago on a whim I decided to make this art blog. I was honestly so sure that I'd start it, get tired of it within a couple weeks, and ultimately just delete it. But I actually got involved with the community! I saw so many amazing and inspiring artists! I read fun theories, fanfics, ideas, analysis, etc! Before long RWBY became a staple in my life. I related to a lot of the characters and their struggles, especially Yang. And with the hope of Bumbleby becoming a real possibility and being so well written, I was hooked. In the summer of 2018 between volumes 5 and 6, I lost my dad. He wasn't my biological father--that man left me when I was very young. I don't even remember him being much of a presence in my life aside from the very rare times he's visit for a couple hours. For a long time I wanted to have some sort of a relationship with him, but he let me down time and time again with false promises. He added me on Facebook a couple months before my dad died, and I remember just going off on him about how I felt. After so long of wanting him to, y'know, be my dad, when he came to me that time I was just done. I told him how I felt and that was that. I had a dad, you know? So when James, my dad passed it just felt really unfair. 15+ years of wanting a father figure in my life only to finally find someone and then have him taken away so unexpectedly. It's like a cruel joke.

During that time, RWBY became a distraction. Volume 6 teasers started popping up, the fandom was becoming more active again, it helped a little bit. I think the worst of it was right around when volume 6 was probably about halfway through. Grief really fucks up a lot for you. I became a really angry person, I isolated myself from friends, told everyone multiple times there was no way I'd be able to support anyone emotionally, and I left some awful friendships. Even my girlfriend at the time, who knew what this sort of grief was like, tried to hold on to me so tightly that it's ultimately what ended up pushing me away even further. A lot of things just kept going wrong. I remember being downtown by the river one night cause I wanted to get away from everything for a bit, and I just really missed my dad. I missed him a lot. The thought of "If you miss him so much, why not just join him?" ran through my head a lot, staring at the water. It was a little scary.

As stupid as this may sound, clinging so much to a show, "I want to know what happens next." was the simplest response that kept me going. Seeing a new episode every week and then coming on here to see all the new fanart, the wild theories and analysis, all the way down to the smallest things that likely didn't mean anything. (Like Blake taking One Whole step closer to Yang when they told everyone Oscar was missing.) That goofy excitement and seeing so many happy posts made a lot of the grief bearable. It was my first time having to deal with such a life changing loss, but RWBY and its community softened the blow a little, and I'm really grateful for that.

I think some people don't quite understand that. My ex got annoyed that I just wanted to watch RWBY, read stuff about it, draw for it. I tried to explain it to her a few different times like... why I wanted to focus on it so much, and she'd understand for a while. But she'd always get frustrated again a few days later. I tried to do the right thing and break it off a couple times because I just wasn't able to maintain a relationship, but it just sort of... kept dragging on before I finally put my foot down and called it quits for good.

On the other hand, others did understand why RWBY was so important to me, and still tried to chase me from the community anyways due to some issues with my platonic partners coping in unhealthy ways with trauma. (That was a looooong talk with them;; but it all turned out okay and they're doing better.) They knew all of this. I was really scared for a while. Not that I'd lose followers or that people blocked me, I didn't care about that. I was scared that I'd lose the only way I've found that's helped me cope with losing my dad.

I knew grieving was a hard process, but I never thought it'd be so difficult for others to let me grieve. And for me to let myself grieve. Maybe it's dumb to rely so much on a show to help me get through the hard days, but if it helps me that's all that really matters. Volume 7 will be here before we know it and I am beyond excited. Regardless of how much shit people have tried to throw at me and how cruel others are, a lot of good has come from it too. I've experimented more with my art and have tried to improve in areas I've always been too nervous to try cause of how bad I am at them. I've made some really awesome friends!! And I hope to talk to more people and possibly collab with artists! And! I reconnected with an old friend who is now my girlfriend by getting her into RWBY, and of course the bees. :P

I feel like this whole post is a big jumbled mess, but really I'm just so beyond thankful for this whole community. I'm thankful for the people who enjoy my art and continue to support me and I'm grateful for all the fun content people make for it, from fanart to analysis to shitposts. It's all helped me so much.

It's been a really wild 2 years and I'm stuck in this fandom for a long time. Nothing and no one will change that. ♥

[svtskneecaps]

(this is part 5, find the first part here)

“Hyung?”

Jeonghan turned. “Yeah?”

Seokmin looked very small all of a sudden. “Is now a good time to ask about your message?”

Right, the writing he’d left on the wall. Jeonghan breathed out. “Let’s just get a coffee first, yeah? Then I’ll explain.”

It was a fairly quiet wait. Seokmin pointed out a few things on the menu and quietly translated them for him. They placed their orders, got their drinks, and found a table outside.

“You already knew I trained as an agent with him, right?” Jeonghan asked. Seokmin nodded. “Even before I was on the team, I knew him. And then I joined, and I-- well you know.” He blew on his coffee absently. “I just got even closer to him. And Seungcheol. And things sort of. . . grew. From there. You know, we were darting around the universe and across time chasing down these two outlaws and. . . I don’t know, it was fun. And we just-- the three of us, we just got closer and closer.” He took a sip. It was still too hot. “Anyway, I deserted and they don’t remember me anymore. And that’s that on that.”

“Oh,” Seokmin said.

Jeonghan studied him over the rim of his cup, blowing on his coffee. “You never had to lose someone, did you?”

“No,” he said, almost shyly. “I deserted so quickly, I don’t think there was anyone there to forget me.” He seemed to pause to consider that statement, and then visibly deflated. “Well, I guess maybe Soonyoung.”

“From what you’ve mentioned, probably,” Jeonghan said. “They don’t usually let you keep things like that.”

“Is there a way to give it back?” Seokmin asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“We don’t know,” Jeonghan said. “We’re still looking.”

He took another sip of his coffee. It burned, but he swallowed it anyway.

-------------

Some may have considered it a waste of time to monitor a bunch of Instagram accounts for clues. Not Mingyu.

Maybe it was because they always forgot to turn their location off. Maybe it was because they always included easy hints as to the exact time period they were in. Maybe it was because some of the posts were. . . genuinely kind of funny.

Whatever it was, he didn’t mind that his main job was to scroll through Instagram and occasionally test temporal residue.

Minghao knocked on the doorframe. “Hey,” he said. “We heading to the nineteen sixties yet?”

“No.” Mingyu laughed. “Not yet. Maybe you should put in a request; I know Lee Chan checks his comments.”

“Maybe I will,” Minghao said, dropping into a seat next to him. “As soon as you say you like Chwe Hansol’s shitposts.”

They both laugh, then, because that’s as good as saying ‘no way’.

“I can’t help it,” Mingyu said, tapping a few things and pulling up the post that lead them to the hotel. “He may be a deserter, but he’s an excellent shitposter.”

“Careful who you say that to,” Minghao teased. “Thinking the deserters are funny is but a slippery slope to treason.”

“If that’s treason then honey, I’m about to elope,” Mingyu said, and they laugh even though it’s not really funny.

“It happened again,” Minghao said, abruptly serious. He took out his communicator and scrolled through his own Instagram account. “I posted this, but I don’t remember ever being there.”

Mingyu frowned. “But we were just there,” he said, scooting over to take a closer look. “Right before the hotel, we had to stake out a restaurant in Maine because there were reports of a sighting; we got a coffee across the street.”

“I don’t remember any of it,” Minghao said, and he looked worried. “Am I losing it?”

“No,” Mingyu insisted. “I’ve lost things like this before; if you’re losing it then I am too.”

“More likely you than me,” Minghao said weakly. Mingyu breathed out a laugh, a single burst of air through his nose.

A white light flashed. “That’ll be for me,” Mingyu said, pulling himself out of the chair. As he left, he patted his friend on the back. “If you want to get to the sixties, you’re going to have to convince them to go there.”

Minghao snorted, but he was staring at his phone.

----------------

Darling, We’ve Got Time : Part 5

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Vernon and Seungkwan’s little group of time state deserters has been leading Seungcheol’s team of time agents on a Tom-and-Jerry chase through the timestream for what may have been the entirety of their career–different setting, same result–but the tides are starting to shift. Things aren’t adding up to the time agents, and all the deserters can hope is to sow enough seeds for them to finally put the pieces together.

(Seventeen Time Travel AU; no reader)

hey guys. I’d like to reiterate what I said in the note at the end of last update: i have a lot of shit going on this week, and it WILL be late. i’ll be delaying it to monday until further notice, seeing as i have three exams this week (one i already took, technically, but still) and other shit going on.

that being said, next part Monday, March 9th

thanks for your patience

update, 3/12/2020 : updated the message formatting

[badlydrawndrawnings]

ASOUE SEASON 3, Part 2

There are some things that I enjoy, some things that bug me, and some of those things that bug me are thing I do enjoy but i have to question regardless. The post grew so long I’m cutting it into two parts, and frankly this covers The PP and The End (part one won’t be linking because idk what Tumblr did with that update with links).. We are in the second half of the season, and boy, do I have a lot of hot opinions! Most of it it’s under the read more to not cog the tags.

Frank, Ernest, and Dewey: I feel so validated my theory of Dewy was talking to the Baudelaires last and pretending to be Frank or Ernest is confirm...here at least! Speaking of them, I think Frank was the first one the Baudelaires talk too, then Ernest talk second. In the first convo, Frank or Ernest was Serious and To the Point, and Frank (confirm in book it’s Frank)) was like that with Violet. In the second convo, Frank or Ernest was Friendly and Emotional with his words, and Ernest (confirm in book it’s Ernest) was being a bit cheeky with Klaus and humorous when lassoing Larry Your Waiter up (RIP). Sorry about your brother you two... but boy the shot Dewy floating in the water looks beautiful. 

I think the show was trying to pull a red herring that Kit was ‘evil’ due her asking Dewy to give Frank her regards because no one knows about the unicorn that is Dewy.

Lack of Sir and Charles/Switching roles/The JS Debate: I learned beforehand Charles’ actor couldn’t make it to filming so they had to rewrite him out. Didn’t expect to get rid of Sir (granted, I hear Sir’s actor is like..expense to get back or something and season one was lucky to get him). Still, nice to see that they were able to get Jerome to fill in his (kinda) canon role and Charles. Also, are Charles and Jerome together? That’s a great step up Jerome! Also, nice to know Babs and Miss Bass are together (man I wonder how the in-laws will react to that). I think what really threw me into the loop is that the Netflix Show made JS, the person behind it all, to be Justice Strauss with others JS helps. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the book had ‘JS’ be anonymous as not even Justice Strauss or Jerome knew who is the real JS since they thought it was meet for them (with theories saying it’s Lemony pretending to his brother and the taxi driver in the PP is him. Thanks Netflix for actually confirming the taxi driver part). Didn’t mind Nero being with Esme. I like that (they didn’t show the report who name I freaking forgot. Guess that says something).

At the Opera Tonight & (Lack Of) Bertrand : Hey, Netflix...Olaf’s parents death was A HIT MURDER by Beatrice, The Snickets (Kit and maybe Lemony if 13 Secrets is valid, who know about Jacques), and most importantly, BERTRAND. The books made it clear both were involved in some way or form. In fact, the lack of Bertrand is so insulting. Lemony may not say talk about him too much, but damn it, Lemony liked and respect Bertrand and never hold a grudge. Lemony in the show is the same, just less because the writers really did put more of an emphasis on Beatrice as the Lost Lenore and true OTP (????). In fact, why did the Opera events paint the noble side of VFD good with the accidental death? It was hit, and everyone was guilty and not free of sin. Here though, they are guilty as hell but free of sin as ‘it was an accident’. Well, since Bertrand wasn’t involve in the events here...the guy is actually innocent and free of sin good job Bertrand you don’t have blood on your hand (this sounds like sarcasm but it’ not). Also. you a handsome man.

Personal Headcanon That I Will Never Let Go Now Due to the Above Nonsense: Olaf’s parents were part of VFD, and were sympathetic to the fire starting side of schism, but overall close to neutral (Olaf didn’t and will never know, and book implies the schism wasn’t bad until after Olaf did his thing to frame Lemony for the crimes), due to their positions of society as aristocracy, a father in a high government related job (thanks Netflix for making Dad the Chief of the Official Fire Department it almost lines up perfectly) and mother as A-List Theater Performer. They managed to get a faster reunion when Olaf is 17 (Lemony, Olaf, and a few others are supposed to be the same age while the other siblings are older by a few years, and 18 seems to be the legal age of becoming an adult in this world). The three were at the opera for their first time reunion, and Beatrice and Bertrand were given the task on getting rid of them, and they thought ‘oh this will be easy’ because Kit was helping to deal with Esme and they succeeds. They were about to celebrate and leave when they hear Olaf and see him running to his dead parents (they have no idea he was there. If Lemony was involve, then they did knew but used Lemony as a distraction to make sure Oalf won’t witness the deed. As to why Olaf as to see the body? Because seeing a body adds extra fuel to people waiting revenge). Olaf is still on the noble side at this point (if barely), and he doesn’t know the truth until later, after somehow losing the family fortune and a switch to the fire starting side. Incompetent banking may or may not be involve. 

Hotel Denouement (Fire): Bit upset the sign isn’t written backwards, but hell, I want to stay there regardless!!! Also, I like how the show kept most of the fates a mystery expect Justice Strauss (how did she get down from the roof). The books implies Mr. Poe will die another night, so ergo in Netflix Show Mr. Poe and oddly enough, Vice Principal Nero of all people, survive as well. Thanks Nero for saving Mr. Poe for his offscreen date in the future. Side topic, but my headcanon in the books is (excluding Mr. Poe as his is given) Esme, Ernest, Hal, Hugo and Colette and Kevin survived. Those that made it out but died due to fire related injures later on (within a day or a week) would be  Frank, Jerome, Charles, Sir, Nero and the Teachers, and Carmelita. Everyone else is 100% dead (guess I got to change my 100% dead Justice Strauss status lol). The choices were pick due to drama (Esme cares for Carmelita and would be 100% heartbroken to see her die after the two made it out. For Frank and Ernest, I figure losing one brother would change their hostile relationship to a reluctant team up to get out of the fire together. Frank, being noble, gets Ernest out first resulting getting injuries and dying later, leaving Ernest all alone. Sir and Charles were still holding hands when they got out, but Sir died first and Charles went next due to a broken heart) or luck (Hal survived one fire already; I want Hugo, Colette, and Kevin to catch a good break). 

I cried when the ending happened that song f*** me up so bad like things could have been different and happy but I’m stuck in misery and woe. 

THE END/VFD AND SCHISM: I HATE THIS EPISODE SO FREAKING MUCH. Well, the Island parts (lol the red herring of Beatrice II being Sunny just by wanting to be call by her last name). They cut characters stuff with Friday (and her mother), the mutiny (that was the best part!!!)...almost all the stuff that made The End good! Also, wtf was with the BS of Ishmael making VFD? Like, I like how he was the Principal, that I can accept. But I got the impression, and it was actually implied, it been around for a long time before Ishmael was even born. He made it sound like a book club for the prestigious good people that are rich and bored. Newsflash Netflix: IT’S NOT.  Kit flat out mentions that the schism started when she was four, and it only got worse when her generation came. In fact, the schism only got worse when Olaf went after Lemony, making it the schism everyone knows today. The way the show paints it...it’s the pettiness form of petty and revenge and actually revenge I would like normally but I hate it in the context. I have more, but I’m be making a post about it...a (crack-ish/shitpost comparison of sorts you will of sorts. All I can say is the the White Face women are younger than they look or lost their family and sister in a fire while in their 20′s or 30′s (Ishmael and the Man with Beard but no Hair and Woman with hair but no Beard and Co -> Lemony and Co aka Schism start at teenage/young adult years -> Baudelaires and Co).

Honestly the good stuff was Sunny thinking of pushing Olaf overboard, and the whole thing leading up to Olaf and Kit’s death I cried so much.

Chapter 14: Okay, I’m a sucker for a happy ending after so much crap happened. Lemony and Beatrice II found family again (if for a short time), Fiona and Fernald got a Pushing Daisies ending when Captain Widdershins shows up (referring to Emerson Cod’s reunion with his daughter), Quigley reuniting with his stock footage siblings + Hector, the Troupe having a happy ending fulling their dream, and IDV maybe making it to the the islanders in time. Do I admit that the whole point of their ‘last appearance’ with the Great Unknown (or IDV just disappearing) is to give a message that you can’t always know what happens and mysteries are still out there (imo). Yes, but again, I’m a sucker for happy endings, so I’m fine either way. Also, in Season One there was a narration of Lemony with a very tiny Self Sustaining ship in the BG. Since we know Lemony is actually narrating from the future...it’s a given the Quagmire and Hector would survive. It’s a blink and you miss, but it’s there. So yeah, while everything else could be chalk up as a fake happy ending imagine by Lemony and/or Beatrice II, the Quagmire Triplets and Hector were given a happy fate from the start! Okay, I guess they still need to come down at some point but...

I would watch the PP episodes, but never the End unless I want to make myself angry.

[replicarters]

i was at northeast trek con this weekend, if you couldn’t deduce it from my posts that must have sounded like they were coming from some sort of hallucinatory trip. to say i had fun would be a wild understatement. if you slot this con on an alignment chart, it would be wall-to-wall chaotic good. the theme advertised was celebrating the 25th anniversary of ds9... and boy did we celebrate.

what follows is everything i feverishly tweeted about the wildest 72 hours of my life.

the only reason i went to this con at all was @thylekshran, who wanted to see one mr. jeffwey combs very badly. @jadziadax happened to say to me one night, “hey you should go to this con happening where you live to see nicole,” and i said, “wait a minute, isn’t this the con dylan wants to go to? what if i actually Did go to this?”

friday: i grabbed dylan, somehow, from the bus stop that i think didn’t quite exist on this plane. we get to the con and we walk into the exhibit hall. nicole is right by the door and i cannot look at her, so we beeline for vendor tables, and suddenly before me is an extremely familiar spread of colorful images. it takes me a minute to process it, and then i’m pointing to this table and rushing toward it going, “OH MY GOD. IT’S HER! FROM TUMBLR! OH MY GOD WHAT.” it was none other than @abravenoise selling prints!!!! i had no idea she would be there since i didn’t look at anything before i left the house. just fyi she is irl just about the nicest person i’ve ever met!!!!!! and i’m so glad we got to hang out as much as we did!

we spent the day mostly going to panels and being big baby chickens regarding jeff’s and nicole’s tables, respectively. we did end up at jg hertzler’s table A Lot, because dylan, like, is recognized?? by him and his wife??? idk dylan’s just out here charming the pants off everybody, so i was like, okay cool, this is the first thing that is Totally Fine, just chilling with martok. we also met two cool dudes through jg who really enjoyed hanging out with us, and that was great! making friends all over the place! not the first and not the last!

one thing dylan and i were bummed about was that the klingon meet & greet party that night (where jg and robert o’reilly would get in costume as martok and gowron and duel to the death) was sold out. we really really really wanted to go... so dylan just... straight up asks jg if he can get us in dhfklshdfd. and you know what? he fucking does. just... put our names right on that list! O K A Y!

the friday panels were a sign of what would be to come, every one we went to was crazy. this was my first real trek con, so of course i have never seen hertzler and o’reilly in a room together, but now i have and my third eye is open and all that. not to mention: learning that garrett wang plays pokemon go, nicole cracking up at poop jokes like i said, hertzler doodling a little shran with glasses on jeff’s sign, the con’s power point file just being named DRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. everything that was happening was so good.

chase masterson had a panel about her pop culture hero coalition, and currently working for a non-profit myself, i was really curious about what kinds of programming they do, so i went to her table to talk to her about it. chase ended up talking some about the why’s of starting the coalition, what it meant to her, her own struggles with depression, and i’m thinking to myself, “uhhhhhh well if chase is gonna share about her mental health struggles, then... i... will also do this.” the nanosecond i said something about experiencing difficulty with self-love, she was zeroed in on me like a cruise missile. i spilled everything to her about my job and how my old boss was basically the meanest, most miserable person alive, and how much she got into my head and how now that i was out of that department, i had to pick up the pieces and it was proving to be much harder than it has been in the past. well, god almighty, chase just had the nicest things to say in return, and we commiserated over being your own worst critic, and how ridiculously hard it is to have this fight against yourself over and over again, but that we deserve so much and going forward is worth it. jesus christ! i got a big hug and said to myself, “holy shit i can’t wait to tell my therapist that a star trek actor talked to me about mindfulness and now i want to learn the hell out of it.”

oh but then it was time for the klingon party that we were now going to thanks to jg hertzler. this thing was off the chain immediately, martok and gowron had their duel, first with sparkling bat’leths that fell apart, and then with whole baguettes, and i can’t believe i got to watch this with my eye parts. and that was the beginning; the party would go for another 3 hours, almost all of which i spent dancing with the most generous people i’ve ever met, who went out of their way to welcome everyone they could onto the dance floor, regardless of physical ability or skill level. there was one woman in particular who, if she saw even the slightest twinkle in your eye and you weren’t already dancing with her, she’d be like, “you, get over here!” i don’t know how my body did that for all that time without falling apart.

our esteemed guests began showing up, and garrett wang leapt into the middle of our jump around circle and gave each one of us a vulcan high five. jeffrey combs showed up which of course sent dylan over the moon, and he said, “you go, girl!” to her dancing. max grodenchik gave dylan one of his drink tickets and then asked us whether or not we thought the existence of god could be proven. chase found us and reached out her hand over a couple people’s heads to give me a supportive hand squeeze (!!!???). aron eisenberg, i don’t know what the hell he was doing, but i feel like maybe somebody asked him about terry, because all of a sudden i hear something like, “terry left because she was in love with nog and couldn’t take it anymore.” garrett has three pokemon go accounts, which he showed off at my urging, and let me tell you, don’t encounter him at a gym because he has three dragonites, two tyranitars, a monster blissey, and god knows what else. dancing, dancing, more dancing. then it was time for it to be done, and time to go home. we watched reanimator. i was wired as hell and barely slept.

and THAT. was only friday.

saturday: i had kept my eyes open for a copy of the lives of dax the day before, but didn’t see anybody selling one. this morning, i walk by a booth we went to the previous day and all of sudden, on top of a bunch of other books in a big tub, there it was!!! couldn’t have forked my money over faster if i tried.

then i had this bright idea. hey... here’s a copy of lives of dax... and nicole is here... and she should sign it... and then in the future i can get terry to sign it... boom, bang, let’s do it, right? i had dylan drag me to nicole’s table because i was like, “i am never going to make even eye contact with her if you do not physically take me there,” and one of us brought up that we missed her at the klingon party. it’s cool, we all gotta sleep, right? well, it turns out nicole had gone out with the gaaays in spaaace people to the bar where they were going to have their party later. so she says garrett texts her, “uhhh hey you know you’re kinda supposed to be making an appearance at this thing, right?” nope! no clue. so she texts him back, “hmmm uhhh well,” takes another sip of her drink, “i think i’m doing good work here.”

the thing about nicole that i somehow missed in my drinking in of all ds9 actor content is that she embodies pure shitposter energy, but if the shitposts were coming from a wine mom. she’s hysterical, 50% intentionally and 50% unintentionally. an extremely excellent human. she signed lives of dax, i had my tribble photo op with her later (that i almost missed due to getting into a conversation with larry nemecek!) and she said she was going to the gays in space party later. helllll yes. i hope somebody puts up her q&a because she told a RIDICULOUS story about auditioning for ezri and creeping on jeri ryan on a plane. i can’t do it justice, there are movements that have to be seen.

we went to combsland finally, and i grilled him about whether or not herbert killed the cat, and we learned jeff has two cats! show them off, man! where are the vids! then, and i had never planned to do this, i bought an autograph from him, and the shran i bought it on ended up selling out! crazy.

hertzler had doodled a martok above his table, and so this combined with the little shran from yesterday led me to these words coming out of my mouth: “can i pay you for a drawing? can i pay you for a drawing of jadzia and martok brofisting?” he gave it very serious thought, said he was gonna have to look at a lot of pictures of terry (relatable), and told me to give him my e-mail. between him and his wife, i hope to god one of them remembers my e-mail is in his wallet. let me give you money!!!

my next tweets jump right to gays in space - again, dylan knows a lot of the gis folks, so i didn’t feel like i was going into this totally unawares. we’re chilling at the bar, i’m drinking my cranberry juice, and then o’reilly, aron, and nicole arrive, telling everybody that jg’s probably going to be late because a bouncer pushed his wife and he might go to jail. like, kidding, but also... it’s jg hertzler and he could legitimately fuck you up. so he was gonna be late, regardless.

nicole sees dylan and me and comes to say hello (????!!!!!) and somebody ends up saying, “get this lady a drink!” yeah, dylan and i were on that. in fact, i pulled my credit card out like i cared not one bit about identity theft, fico scores, my own personal finances; i would purchase this alcohol in an alley from a guy using a card skimmer. few minutes tick by and then i’ve officially bought a drink for nicole de boer (?????????!!!!!!!!) and i’m giving it to her (????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and we’re clinking our glasses together (?????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) i’m clinking glasses with nicole fucking de boer and somehow managing to be normal about it. i’m not altogether convinced i didn’t exit the universe entirely by this point and end up in another one.

the gays in space party was AMAZING, it was just as fun as the klingon party! if you have a chance to go to one, please do, there’s like no way you could ever regret it. you get treated to star trek-themed drag shows, get to mingle, there was a raffle, the people were just as friendly as the previous day, it was so great. we were out very late for my old lady body clock but it was worth every bit of exhaustion we felt the next morning, after the saga of actually getting home past a blocked off road and dylan slicing herself open on the bottom of my passenger seat.

sunday: nicole sees me, mid-yawn, and gives me one of those, “eyyy you and me went through some shit last night huh?” looks and tells me good morning. ( ? ? ? ? ? ! !  ! you know this drill.) combs ended up on the escalator behind us after his panel and i turned around and i said to him, “hey jeff, you got any pictures of your cats with you?” (no, but he has a black cat and a very vocal calico.) i went to chase’s table again and got another hug right out of the gate, we took a pic together, and she told me i was powerful! yo! or rather yooooooooooooooooooo!

the con was winding down at this point, but there was one more thing left: jeopardy. the jeopardy game was done at the first northeast trek con and was so popular they did it again, and i really, really hope someone uploads it to youtube because it is beyond description. first of all, the whole draw were the contestants: you could enter a raffle to end up on either hertzler’s, aron’s, or garrett’s team. the champion from the last game ended up buying half the tickets, so he was on it again, and not on aron’s team, much to aron’s annoyance because god almighty did he want to win. he was about to commit murder in there. someone said nicole was upset that she wasn’t in the game because she really wanted to play, lmfao. so the guys running it were like, “well, go get her, she can be on garrett’s team!” which sent aron into a fucking tailspin. now we got a team with two people on it?! they got nicole and drew the other winners, and the game began. 

one of the rules was “this isn’t going to be fair. at all.” actually, it was two of the rules. despite this, you’d have thought aron was bitten by a rabid raccoon. every lost question almost got him flipping the table over. nicole belatedly, i’m talking like 5 minutes into it, realizes she doesn’t understand the rules of jeopardy and can’t figure out why “their” question was answered by someone else. she can’t believe someone knew what voyager’s registry number was. one of the questions was, “a young kid called ensign kim this name instead of ‘ensign’,” and with no hesitation, she answers, “asshole,” and wasn’t even joking, that was her actual guess.    R E A L    W I N E    M O M    H O U R S

the winner was hertzler and the previous champ. aron wants to ban the guy from buying tickets ever again. we head to the closing ceremony but it doesn’t happen? lmfao. well, guess the con’s over!

@abravenoise, one of our other con pals, and dylan were all taking the same bus that night, so we all went to grab dinner with two other guys, one who was a con pal and one i hadn’t encountered at all, and halfway through our dinner larry nemecek strolls in and sits down with us. things just keep happening, huh? the guy i hadn’t encountered at all was really impressed with me unhinging my jaw to consume my burger, and halfway through doing this i have to stop because he says, “hey, why the HECK did jadzia die?!” ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh here go hell come. my time to shine.

larry like looooves asking people what brought them to star trek, and this time he was asking us the -whys- of what brings us to star trek. i said the characters, for sure. he asked us about our favorites. i told him mine had changed throughout my life, but that when i was a kid, dr. crusher was my first favorite. he said, “in high school?” i said, “no, i mean, when i was REALLY little. like 4 or 5.” he asked me, “wow, have you ever met gates at a con and told her that?” pfft well, no, but first of all, now you got me wanting that, second of all i said what i really wanted was to swap cat pictures with her.

that was the end. i took everybody to their bus, went home, snuggled up in bed, and just asked myself, “what the fuck happened?” i still don’t know! but it was fun as hell, and amazingly impactful, if i’m being honest with you. i was surrounded by so many people brimming with enthusiasm, so many people who were happy. then there’s me, a curmudgeon who’s done everything in her power to stamp down her happiness all in the name of being ~cool or whatever. and it hasn’t made me very happy. i mean, i am also clinically depressed, there is that. but i’ve stopped sharing the things i enjoy with others, especially in recent years. i’ve closed myself off, mostly out of fear and attempting to survive my old job, but even here, i tend to keep myself at a distance, and i thought it was just because i’ve run the whole gamut of loving something before and just want to hang out with my friends. i think it’s more than that, though. i think it’s more of a defensive posture, and it’s that same posture which is running my life right now. it’s exhausting. this weekend wasn’t exhausting. it was in the sense that the human body needs rest and sleep and food and i wasn’t getting nearly enough of any of it, but emotionally, i was unburdened.

it would be nice to be that way all the time. i don’t know if it’ll be possible to be happy again like the people i met this weekend, but i do know that i want to experience this over and over and over again.

now, next time, maybe @rootmacklin and @jadziadax will be with me and we’ll be showing off our friendship necklaces to a very tall lady. that would be a good step toward unlocking my happiness...

[ms-demeanor]

Getting shit done with executive dysfunction/depression/adhd

Okay so last week I promised a pal that I would talk about how to manage a bunch of projects and get things done when you’ve got issues with executive dysfunction. I’m going to primarily discuss this in terms of ADHD and Depression because those are my wheelhouse, baby.

But here’s a funny thing - I promised that I’d write this up when I got back to a desktop and I’ve had access to a desktop for two days. And I also just decided to write up a serious semi-shitpost about the Civil War and The Simpsons and while I was doing that I got distracted for an hour by skimming through a 500 page report about Ecigarettes and researching popcorn lung because I’m a terrible person and will cite sources to argue with my friends.

Which gets to my first point:

The projects that I end up completing or actually even working on are only about 30% of the projects that I start and maybe 10% of the ideas for projects that I have. 

I throw and *unbelievable* amount of shit at the wall so there’s got to be at least a little that sticks.

Here’s an example - in my projects post I mentioned that I was interested in doing a fundraiser, which may actually turn into me creating a small 501C3 group. In the past three years here are the charities I was serious enough about wanting to start that I actually started doing research and paperwork on them:

Rides on Release - a ride service for people just released from the local jail so they can get home safely and not be concerned about reoffending by panhandling to try to get bus fare back to someplace safe.

Some variety of glasses charity - I’m so glad that Zenni post blew up because for like two years I’ve wanted to rope in local opticians and do vision tests for low income students and take donations to pay for glasses then order in bulk from Zenni - thankfully there are good orgs in my area that already do this

Pack/Tuck/Bind - I still want to do this but a way to donate gender affirming structural garments to folks who can’t afford them or can’t be caught purchasing them. Maybe a buy-one-give-one model that also would include an information pack with a list of websites and a book of resources disguised as something innocuous. I’m actually still kind of in a tiny way working on binder and tuckpants designs with some of my friends.

Trans Clothing Exchange - so my plan here was to set up like a consignment store where people could send in clothes in their size and get store credit to spend on other things available OR make the choice to purchase clothes (and these would be used/donated clothes) for a low cost and then the money from the clothing purchases would go toward paying for care packages for people who can’t be seen going out and buying GNC clothing or clothes that would out them or who just straight-up can’t afford it. And like a lot of people have a lot of assigned gender clothing they may want to get rid of for various reasons and this way they could make sure that it would go to someone who would be affirmed by their donation.

And dammit, those are all still good ideas and I want to do them! But right now I have the energy for ONE thing charitywise and that ONE thing at the moment is a fundraiser to help protect voting rights in the leadup to November. So that’s what I’ve gotta focus on. That’s 20% of my big, complicated, just started working on them projects and it’s still not really off the ground. But it will get there.

So what I’m saying here is that having tons of ideas is a good thing, hopefully you’ll have enough time and freedom to come back to your good ideas and still find them beautiful and applicable down the line.

But you can’t do them all at once so write down your good ideas and work on the ones that are most important, then work on the ones that are the farthest along. I’ve done a tiny bit of work for one of those four ideas above, I’ve done more work for my fundraiser, so it’s the fundraiser that gets the focus. I can come back to the gender affirming clothes next, when I’m done with one charity project.

And I just realized that if I keep going this way this is going to be one of the longest posts I’ve ever written and coming from me that is saying something so I’m going to break this into chunks.

Part One - Throw a Bunch of Shit at the Wall Part Two - If it’s not Written Down it’s not Real

[haljathefangirlcat]

still thinking about that “we Have To Talk about how quips are ruining fandom by destroying meta and turning all fic into shitposts” post @ms-demeanor wrote a great rebuttal to, and about the other posts she wrote about it and about the You’re Doing Fandom Wrong attitude in it, and about the notes on those posts. not gonna reblog or reply to any of those because my thoughts are admittedly kind of random and jumping from place to place and probably OT to the point of the discussion, but you know. still thinking.

so, uh. not trying to start wank or anything but enjoy the ranting that got way out of hand under the cut.

so, like... that one “we can’t just block everyone who quips and shitposts because some of these people also write actual meta but then they unfortunately go back to Not Engaging With Canon by writing quippy shitpost-y stuff” line, or however it was actually phrased? besides the blatant entitlement with the “you have to fandom ONLY in ways I like, I can’t just engage with the part of the content you create that I’m interested in and scroll past the rest” thing (which kinda reminds me of the whole “you can’t CNTW on some of your fics, I should be able to read ALL of your fics” thing, in a way) and the ”I refuse to curate my fandom experience and I’ll make it some stranger’s problem” thing (which... reminds me of a few other things, but tbf it has probably been around since the very first days of fandom), what if someone doesn’t even see meta and quips/shitposts as fundamentally different and mutually exclusive approaches to fandom? what if they see them as just two ways to be interested in a specific fandom and interact with it, and maybe even closely linked together, so going from one to another is actually very, very easy for them? hell, what if they (gasp!) even mix quips and meta together sometimes?

I have a few posts about what I think Baran bo Odar and Jantje Friese might have been doing with mythological references and themes in Dark, and about what I got from the series finale. some are meme-like, phrased in a joking tone, probably even shitpost-y? another one is literally just a gifset plus me having intense Feels in the tags, and the last one is an edit of the kind I’ve seen people complain about as “those cringey unoriginal tumblr aesthetics that all look the same” in at least a couple of occasions. does that automatically mean I only wanted to “win” at fandom (with my hard-earned prize being... a handful of notes in a fandom that’s not even that big compared to others) and that I haven’t actually spent probably way too much time thinking about the significance of Martha’s Ariadne play as a commentary on character interactions/plot/narrative themes (and honestly still do from time to time), or that I don’t occasionally read the captions under other people’s gifsets and suddenly feel very much enlightened about why the Ariadne play mentions the myth of the Flood of all things? that I didn’t start reading posts and comments and reviews and theories about the series finale as soon as I finished watching it? that, just because I didn’t write 10K+ words of Perfectly Serious Seriousness about all that stuff, I simply refused to Engage With The Text? 

... and if I said that I feel a little irrationally self-conscious at the idea of writing down all of my (often rambling, sometimes jumbled) thoughts about a series that to me actually does feel very deep and complex, so adding memes and humor to that or finding different means to put my ideas out there makes me feel more comfortable expressing myself while also taking off the (admittedly made-up) pressure of having to write a whole coherent essay where I have to find a clear and explicit way to explain where every single thought comes from and how it leads to the next like I’m gonna get graded on it? or that a lot of those thoughts stem from memories of spending five years of high school translating and analysing ancient Greek poetry and reading and watching and discussing every available interpretation and reinterpretation of it from Nietzsche to Vernant to Dürrenmatt to Christa Wolf to Pasolini to a lot of others and from certain things in Dark violently hurtling me back to those times without even asking for permission, so a part of my self-consciousness is actually “I probably don’t actually know/remember enough about this to base a whole in-depth analysis on it even though I do think there’s something there” and another part is “shit I’m too lazy to dig through all of my old textbooks and homework and additional readings to hunt for the thing I feel the desperate need to reference or figure out who might have said it, so no extended explanation here either”? I guess in the end it would all boil down to “there’s an amount of effort and physical and mental energy I’m willing to put into fandom but I also have limits to stop something that makes me feel happy from becoming a chore”, which. considering the whole “you have to put all your resources into constantly pouring out 100% serious meta and nothing else because that’s what I like, no deviations allowed” thing? yeah, I can see saying stuff like that would still make me a blight upon fandom. and/or Not Engaging.

which, I realize, it’s a thing I keep coming back to. but that’s because I really, really, really hate it? seriously, what even counts as Engaging With The Text correctly? not shitposts, and not quips either, apparently. Regardless of the fact that humor and crack have existed in fandom since forever and that it’s actually not uncommon AT ALL for them to be born out of looking at canon from different angles, pointing out whatever the fan in question finds surreal/strange/implausible/convoluted/awkward/just kinda funny about it. 

also, not canon divergence/what if fics motivated not by a desire to “fix” something that made us feel bad when it happened in canon but by a desire to actually fix what we felt was objectively a poor writing choice from the author, because we shouldn’t Engage by analysing the text to criticize it or to think over how and why certain aspects of it don’t work for us or how we think the structure of the text itself could be modified or even improved, we should Engage by... writing meta and/or writing canon-compliant fics with perhaps a little allowance for slightly-to-the-left-of-canon-compliant missing moments fics, I guess? 

from what I’ve gathered from reading other fandom discussion some time ago, AUs are also out, especially Modern/No Powers AUs, because those are always just an excuse to slap your fave’s name on your OC/disguise your original fiction as fanfic to get comments/ignore all that’s interesting about canon to write yet another dumb syrupy high school or coffee shop AU, even if I’m honestly not sure what kind of AUs people are even reading to never get to the “there’s no supernatural threat so let’s focus entirely on the fucked-up family dynamics and blatant mental issues in a world where you can’t just ignore them by marrying off your daughter or sending your son to be someone’s squire” AUs or the “this is pretty much what happens in canon but adding new dimensions and different outlooks on the themes by moving everything to a new context” AUs. seriously, I could rec you a pretty great “this guy would be a horrible father and treat his children horribly in any world, it’s not just the feudal society around him, it’s him as a person” AU and that’s literally just the first thing that came to my mind. but, hey, maybe Engaging is only engaging with the canon plot and setting and nothing else, what do I know.

... fuck, thinking about it, I’m not even sure if by “not shitpost and not quips” I should even mean humor/crack? because it’s not like the OP was clear about it in any way? maybe it’s just all that’s weird and tropey and not-canon-compliant? I can see the “everybody gathers in the main character’s stuff to smoke weed and weird shit happens” fic I got a chuckle out of some time ago being one of the dreaded tumblr-born shitpost fics that are supposedly ruining fandom by ensuring that fans stop thinking (?), but what about the “everything is the same but this one character is a catboy, not for any particular reason but just because” fic I’m currently following and loving? people have been joking and shitposting about catboys a lot on tumblr lately (I distinctly remember that the last catboy joke to pop up on my dash was the “I’m your catboy gf and I’m stuck in a wall” one...) and finding an always-a-catboy!AU initially got an amused smile out of me, so is the mere premise enough to make the fic just a joke/just taking a trope and running off with it/just part of a shallow trend? even when the author literally goes “oh shit just realized this is all a metaphor for neuodivergence and masking” in the story notes? unless writing a character who’s never explicitly stated to be neurodivergent in canon as a being literally or metaphorically neurodivergent in your fic is always shallow projecting or posturing issuefic... instead of, y’know, looking closely at the text and Engaging with it by interpreting it that way....

I feel all this ranting/venting might end up plunging into Why We Slash discussion territory now, so I better stop here.

anyway, in short, good to know I’ve been in fandom for years yet I’ve always been just a Fake Fan who Can’t Think and is constantly Doing It Wrong (by Not Being Transformative Enough, possibly). gonna do my best to stay exactly like that in the future <3

[tin-can-iron-man]

Prompt: Tony Stark and social media. Sometimes shitposter sometimes sappy family feels sometimes important sociopolitical matters and sometimes advertising for his philanthropy and charity events and sometimes frustrated tweets/posts about the bots being clumsy. Maybe the avengers find out after the dust settles post Civil War?

It was a mistake to give Tony Stark access to “his” personal social media accounts.

A very very very big mistake. Usually, social media was something Tony Stark wouldn’t bother with, his “personal” accounts were only ever used to advertise some sort of big event for Stark Industries or “kissing up” to lots of the Maria Stark foundations biggest donors. It was fine, people knew Tony wasn’t actually behind the screen, and they didn’t really care either. Most of the followers were either tech nerds, Other major companies in affiliation with Stark Industries, and Iron Man fans.

Within two weeks of Tony gaining complete personal access of his social media accounts, his already impressive follower account tripled everywhere. That was not the mistake.

The mistake is anyone believing Tony would take it even slightly seriously. He was famous, thousands to millions would be notified when he wrote anything. Be serious, Be Respectful, don’t mess around. 

Within five minutes there is a post: 

What the FUCK is a meme? Why is my surprised face a meme? Is that a good thing? A bad thing? I–what–WHAT? HOW DO YOU SAY IT? WHY IS IT SPELLED LIKE “ME ME” WHEN IT’S PRONOUNCED “MEEM” I’M–SOMEONE EXPLAIN NOW.

A new meme sprouts up because of that post.

……………………………

within the first few weeks, Tony had doubled the number of posts he had made in the past decade. Tony Stark was on social media often. 

when one brave soul tagged him and asked why he spent so much time on here yet always seems to be moving or busy, Tony replies: 

I never paid attention to meetings anyway. What did you think I was doing behind those sunglasses? Paying attention? 

Another meme sprouts up: What did you think I was doing behind those sunglasses?

………………….

Tony Starks first photo uploaded onto his personal account was taken by Rhodey. It was Tony drinking out of a mug that had an arc reactor logo imprinted into it and tony raising one eyebrow at the camera. 

Someone finds and asks Rhodey why Tony is having so much trouble and displaying inexperience over social media after Tony posts asking what a “hashtag” was. Rhodey explains that in Tonys mind, everything simple is made overly complicated, and everything complicated is simple. It’s not that Tony doesn’t know how to do everything, he’s just a weirdo. And also tells people to cut him some slack, because he’s old. 

Tony replies to that post with the photo Rhodey took of him and says:

What the fuck did you just say?

It’s another meme.

After that more and more photos start popping up on Tony Starks social media. Usually there’s some sort of breakfast photo with Rhodey uploaded on Tuesdays. And a photo with several of his Avengers listed as “datenight” They all try to tell him that’s not the use of that word, Tony doesn’t change it. 

……………………..

The first video Tony ever uploads is taken by DUM-E. 

It starts off with the frontal camera recording, hard rock music is blaring in the background and Tony typing furiously away at a computer. DUM-E is staring at the phone curiously, then reaches out and grabs it, and switches it to the back camera. He brings the phone up to Tony and makes noise. Tony makes a “ssh.” sound and keeps typing. DUM-E starts making more aggressive noises and Tony reaches his hand out and seemingly pets the bot. DUM-E is louder than the music at this point. Tony finally stops and looks at him. Then looks into the camera. Tony doesn’t break eye contact as he reaches out on the keyboard and hits a few keys, the music stops. 

“You know that thing costs more than you do right?” He asks.

DUM-E makes noise.

“I don’t care if you don’t like it, it does.” He replies.

DUM-E makes quieter noises.

“No.” Tony replied. "That’s not it at all.” He reaches out and seemingly pets the bot again. When he stops, suddenly the phone goes flying through the air.

There’s a big, audible crashing noise and the last thing we hear before the audio cuts out completely is Tony shouting “DUM–!”

The caption says: guess who has two thumbs and had to get a new phone because his idiot robot thought it was going to replace him? This guy. (He’s gotten his hand taken away from him as punishment for the next week.)

This is when the #dadTony starts being used by people. 

After he starts posting more videos with the bots, and picking up Tonys phone from wherever he left it in the lab and recording videos becomes one of their favorite pastimes. The most liked video they have is one that seemingly wasn’t started by one of the bots at all, and had all of them dancing to some sort of exotic music. The caption on this one says: Very cute, FRIDAY, very cute.

…………………..

Of course there’s political stuff sprinkled in throughout too. Tony Stark begins promoting programs like Alcoholics anonymous and charities to help fund and care for disabled people that need financial help. He makes a big deal out of every single event the Maria Stark foundation puts on and actively participates in all events. He attends and goes on walk-a-thons and visits little kids in the hospital. Not because any of it makes him look good, but because it’s something Tony wants to do and participate in. He’ll post photos of him participating at Pride, as a supporter or as a member of the lgbt+ is up for everyone’s interpretation. Tony dodges the question.

He helps speed up the process for cleaning up after big or destructive battles by using the suit to help lift the heavier objects out of the way and scan to see if people are trapped underneath rubble. He gets other avengers to help and other volunteers often take photos of them to put online. 

…………………….

There’s little to no mention of the accords on his profile. No mention of the rogue Avengers, he ignores it when people ask him about it. Ask him about what happened and if they’re all “Avengers” anymore. He doesn’t bother seeing if any of them had social media profiles themselves before they became fugitives. Tony doesn’t want to know. 

He just doesn’t want to know.

[eleutheriana-a]

regarding jaz, aka @kryzeborn & @amidalc.

so i really didn’t want to make this into a big huge deal outside of my own blog and my own vagueing / angry shitposting because honestly, i have a right to my anger, as does red ( @rutalonidir ) , without owing anyone an explanation as to why we’re so angry. but the fact of the matter is, i’ve had multiple people come to me off anon expressing an interest in hearing my side of the story and what exactly went down between jaz and i, so i figured i’d just compile everything as it happened and explain, with links and screenshots so everyone can follow along at home. 

i’ve been writing padmé on and off for a few years now, something multiple people can attest to. i originally had a blog for her about two and a half / three years ago - ish, which has since been deleted and revamped, and then i moved her onto a multimuse for a while. i add this context in not to try and assert superiority, but to explain that my headcanons i’ve had on padmé have existed and been developed for literal years. when i had my old blog ( @eleutheriana-archive , originally libertinedeath ) , there was a meme that was floating around one day asking people to recast your fc, simply for fun. i reblogged it, and received a message from a friend suggesting tao okamoto, a japanese model and actress, due to the japanese and other asian influences on padmé’s character. i responded that i was really into the fancast and also mentioned that i’d been thinking about using fan bingbing ( the most popular padmé racebent fancast ) as an alternate for my star wars universe for a while now, but that i wasn’t sure if it’d be something people would be into, because it would require all luke and leia rpers that i interacted with using that fc to change their own fcs for those threads to keep the ethnicities correct. i got some good feedback on this post, and so i made another saying that i was going to consider starting to use her as an alternate ( when dealing solely with my star wars verses, as using an asian alt fc for modern verses means you have to take into account the real world reactions to race and can get into dicey territory, and was something i would have to think about more if i was even going to make that shift. ) but that i’d, again, have to do some thinking because it would change fcs of family members and i didn’t want to just spring that on luke and leia rpers. this happened on april twentieth, as you can see here. ( autoplay warning. ) 

the next day, i made an edit, found here, which was a way of providing suggestions to luke and leia rpers for fcs that they might be able to use if they wanted to interact with me in the capacity of an asian padmé / interracial skywalker family concept. shortly after i posted this edit, jaz reblogged it, found here. at the time, she was still using fan bingbing as an fc, and was following me as well. i looked at her account when she reblogged the edit, because it was tagged with her fc tag and i was kinda surprised, and i realized that she was a brand new padmé account, made only eight hours after i’d made a post saying i was going to be using fan bingbing as my alternate fc. 

now, i know what you’re thinking: “nicole, you just said above that fan bingbing is a popular fancast, that doesn’t mean jaz is stealing from you.” and honestly? i didn’t think she was stealing from me at the time. i didn’t think that my post had anything to do with her blog being created, at that time. was i suspicious? a little bit, but i’ve had some things stolen from me before and also had things just be a coincidence, so i wrote it off as no big deal and followed her back because i’m duplicate friendly. at the time, i did not think anything of her account, nor was i predisposed with a bias against her, as i’ve had no dealings with jaz in any other fandom, therefore, nothing to judge her on. to me she was just another padmé rper. i did, however, take a slight offense to something found in her rules, something that remains there to this day:

i can understand not wanting to inconvenience luke and leia rpers, but if you’re going to racebend your character and strive for more visibility for asian women, this is just....not cool. but again: i wasn’t going to pick fights about it, because to me she was just another padmé rper, and i didn’t think there was anything shady going on.

then things started to get a little odd. i started to notice some things here and there that kinda irked me, things that seemed a little...off. like she’d just lifted them from my blog. for example: i had a shitpost fest back in january with my main anakin and one of my friends who rps leia, as well as a cassian rper. i’ve had a headcanon since last december that in my rebel / survival verse, padmé ships leia and cassian pretty heavily and it’s been a running joke as well as a serious headcanon on my blog since i moved padmé to her own account off my multi. you can find recorded instances of this here, here, here, and here. i mention this and include screenshots because, to this day, i’ve never seen another padmé rper have this headcanon. that is, until jaz. i made this post as a general shitpost on april 24th, back when, again, jaz and i were still mutuals, and when her blog was only three days old. 

five minutes later, she made this post, as evidenced by my dash timestamps. not only had she just used the same scrambling of padmé's name, she’d also used the same headcanon i’d had since january. did this make me suspicious? definitely. it was a bit of a slap in the face for me, if i’m being a hundred percent honest, but again, i was willing to merely squint at her and let it go. i wasn’t going to start a fight over something petty and small like this, but it was definitely making me keep a closer eye on her blog and her headcanons, to see if she was taking anything else from me. if you’re still doubting whether or not i was still attempting to be friendly and chill about this with her, i actually replied to her post about cassian and leia mentioning that this was a long standing headcanon of mine, and that i was glad to see someone agreeing with me. of course, you can’t see this comment anymore, because she’s blocked me since then, but you can see that she @’d me after the fact to make another comment in agreement, which you can find here. so even though i was suspicious and keeping an eye out, i was still writing things off as coincidence, and trying to be friendly, because we were still mutuals. 

then i started noticing some more things: headcanons, threads, and most damning of all, an edit that was directly lifted from the one i’ve already pasted in here. unfortunately, i don’t have a screenshot of the edit itself, because i was so irritated at the time it didn’t occur to me to screenshot it, and she later took it down at my request, but that’s featured in our conversation you’ll see later. as far as headcanons go, there was a meme on the dash on may first that was to the effect of ‘send me nsfw headcanons you have about my character and i’ll tell you if they’re true or not’, which started the meat of the problem with jaz and i. here are a few of my published asks, obviously featuring nsfw text. while a few of these came from anon messages, most if not all of these were already headcanons i’d had previously and had been vocal about on my blog, just expanded on by anons. one. two. three. the third one is especially important here, as it’s something i’ve been super vocal about, and something jaz had never mentioned on her blog, until i posted that answered ask. she’s also stolen some general headcanons that are specific to my characterization of padmé, as detailed in these screenshots/posts, regarding her appearance info. jaz’s original ‘detailed appearance info’ survey can be found here, posted on april 27th, shortly before i’d reblogged my own version of the survey. note the voice section: “VOICE: soft, eloquent, a little childlike.” i’d initially posted mine in march, and then reblogged it again on april 27th, with some updated headcanons, mainly just a change of wording here and there to make it more clear and adjusting some scar and bra size headcanons. notice the wording of the voice headcanon, specifically. this is something i’ve had as a headcanon since march, if not earlier; i’ve got NUMEROUS posts on my archived blog about how i’ve headcanoned padmé to have an accent in every verse i have for her. on june 12th, a month and a half later, jaz updated her detailed appearance info survey, found here. note the wording on her voice section here in this updated version. it’s almost word for word this headcanon i posted back in january, with just a different location of the accent’s origin.

she also ripped off at least two threads of mine, one of which relating to vader and padmé reuniting after his surgery / procedure / whatever you wanna call it after mustafar, where he’s in the suit for the first time. i don’t have caps of her version of the thread, though i do have her wishlist post, and as you can see here and here, chloe ( @oletherian ) and i have been doing this since december, when i was still rping padmé on my multi. she also started doing a thread with one of her anakin partners dealing with anakin’s ptsd after the zygerria arc of the clone wars, which you can find here. i noticed this because chloe and i are the ONLY anakin and padmé blogs who were doing a thread relating to this topic, and i noticed jaz posting a reply to her version of the thread two days after chloe had replied to ours, which, combined with the content, made me incredibly suspicious. 

eventually. my friend wren then went on to send jaz an ask, off anon, asking her about all this, as i was getting more and more worked up by the incidents of what appeared to be blatant theft. jaz did not answer, and blocked him outright, though she later denied this. another friend also sent her asks, off and on anon, which she continued to ignore, until she finally got one that she answered, which you can see here. note the tags: “not even gonna reply to this bs until someone approaches me off anon”. at this point in time, at least two people already had, and she’d blocked them outright. 

shortly after posting this, she sent me an ask, as we were still mutuals at the time, giving me her skype and asking me if we could talk privately, to which i agreed, as i was more than willing to work things out with her on a private level. i prefer to handle things one on one to making a huge spectacle of things, and i was glad she was willing to talk to me privately. here is a complete record of our conversation.

( as a note for clarity: at the time, wren, ( @spectrefive ) , was still using his url “weaponexpert”, and still going by she/them pronouns, which is why i referred to him with neutral and feminine pronouns in these messages. obviously, he no longer uses those pronouns, but i just wanted to clarify in case there was some confusion. )

so while jaz agreed to delete the headcanons and the edit, she only deleted the edit. the headcanons are all still up on her archived blog and implemented on her current blog to this day. now, i was willing to let all this go, as we had both agreed to unfollow, block, and move on, despite the fact that i’ve gotten multiple anonymous hate messages that i’m pretty positive are from her due to the typing style ( there’s no date on this because i was mobile - and visiting my grandfather in the hospital ! - when i saw them, but the date was june eighteenth. of course, i don’t have proof because they were sent on anon and i don’t have an ip tracker on my blog, but the signs line up a bit too much for me to write this off as coincidence. ) , because again: i prefer to deal with these things privately and move on. i didn’t entirely believe her when she said nothing was actively stolen from me, or when she claimed not to have blocked wren after her sent her a message, but it wasn’t about belief. i’d said what i needed to say, so had she, and we’d moved on. 

then she started doing the same thing to red. most of you are familiar with this by now, as this is what’s started the drama currently, but for clarification, red wrote some nsfw headcanons on her old satine blog, found here, which she posted on the second of july. jaz then posted some extremely similar headcanons on the twenty seventh of august, right after blocking red’s blog. shortly after this was posted, red received this anonymous message, which then set the dash off. 

so anyway, there you have it. if you want to reblog this post, there’s nothing stopping you, but frankly, i’m not posting it to try and change anyone’s mind on who jaz is as a person or whether or not they want to interact with her. you’re all your own people and free to do whatever you want to or don’t want to do. it’s not my call. but i do stand by what i’ve said in my rules: i won’t have her on my dash from this point forward. thank you for taking the time to read this, and i hope you have a wonderful day.