#this is the only band I love more than Greta if that tells u just how huge this was like it was so cool

[myfriendtheghost]

goodnight goober

[tobesoalive]

r u mine? (Jake Kiszka x reader)

hey guys...so this was fun to write, thank you to the kind anon who requested it! I currently have some fun (and steamy) Josh stuff in the works right now, but still feel free to send in requests! I might slow down a little with posting since my classes started, but I promise to get to every request! Enjoy my first Jake piece!

Warnings: SMUT(oral f-recieving, fingering, penetrative sex)

Adrenaline pumped through your veins as you headed down the hallway backstage, about to go out and face the crowd of thousands of fans. No you weren't a huge famous musician or anything, just their photographer. Basically the same thing right?

For the past three weeks you had been enjoying life on the road, it had always been your dream to be a concert photographer, and your work had caught the attention of a little band called Greta Van Fleet. Well, not exactly little. Their fan base grew everyday and now they were doing yet another headlining tour that they asked you to document. Over the past few months you had been in contact with the guys and their management, and you guys hit it off instantly, they brought you under their wing as if you were part of the family.

You basically were all one big family, you had gotten extremely close to the boys. Josh, Sam and Danny were like your brothers, and Jake...he was a little different.

Brother would be an odd way to describe him, seeing as you had a bit of a crush on him. Nothing super serious, you just thought he was a cool guy who also happened to be really fucking hot. You thought he might have a little something for you too, he was always asking you how you liked the show, and when he’d catch you editing the photos you took he’d sit himself right next to you and ask if you’d show him what you were working on. He was constantly complimenting your work, but that would mostly be in private, when he’d seek you out if he couldn’t sleep. You surely weren’t complaining, you enjoyed his company. You just wish he would say something, or even better, make a move. You could be taking his actions the wrong way, he does have tons of women who want him all around the country, maybe he does just think of you as a sister. Whatever thoughts you had about Jake you’d just push to the back of your mind, you had a job to do, and your work was more important than getting laid.

You went in front of the barricade and took some photos of the crowd and talked to fans. They liked to ask you questions about the guys and what it was like touring with them. You always tried to make them feel special by saying how thankful the guys were, which wasn’t a lie, to have such amazing fans.

All of a sudden you heard some of the fans start screaming wildly. They were chanting Jake’s name, and you turned your head only to briefly meet his eyes from the side of the stage where he was standing. Within a second he was gone, most likely rushing backstage to avoid any further commotion from the audience.

What was that all about? You thought to yourself. Did he sneak over there to just look at me? Maybe he wanted to talk or something. That can happen later, it was only a few minutes until the show started, so you wanted to snap a few more shots of the crowd before running all over during the show to catch the right angles.

During the show you had a great time, as per usual. You loved being right up front, taking photos of the guys doing what they loved. You went backstage to get some photos from the wings. Jake was about to do his signature move, playing his guitar behind his head, and you were ready to capture the moment. Right as you snapped the photo, Jake turned and winked at you, arms thrown behind his head, somehow managing to play the notes of “Highway Tune” whilst flirting with you.

Butterflies erupted in your stomach, and you felt an intense need for him. Quickly you ran back out to the front of the stage to capture a few more moments before the show was over.

“God fucking dammit, I’m in deep” you muttered to yourself, before heading to the green room to congratulate the guys on the awesome show. You slipped through the crew heading on stage to clean up the equipment, turning a corner and bumping directly into Jake.

“Oh sorry! Great job out there tonight!” you say, trying your best not to blush. What was wrong with you, it was like you were a school girl or something.

“Thanks y/n! Did you get some good shots?”

“No, I made sure to get really shitty photos, especially of you”

“Are you being sarcastic?! Now that is something new!” he teased you.

“I just know how much you enjoy my sense of humor! I like to give back to the fans y’know” you quip back, causing him to break out into a smile.

“Hey the guys and quite a bit of the crew is gonna head out and probably find a bar or something once we’re done cleaning up. You wanna join?”

“Thanks for the offer, but I might just keep it lowkey tonight, I’d prefer to edit the photos tonight so I can explore whatever city we’re going to tomorrow.”

“Totally understandable, well I’ll catch you later!”

“Yeah for sure!” you say as you go off to find the rest of the guys.

After about a half hour of chatting and checking in with the rest of your tour mates, you decided it was time to change into your pajamas and spend the rest of the night staring at your computer screen, trying to edit as many photos as you can before inevitably passing out.

Getting onto the bus you shared with some other crew members, you kicked your Vans off before checking to see if anyone else was around. Seems like they all were opting to go out after the show, which meant you got the whole place to yourself. You traded out your concert outfit for a pair of shorts and a hoodie, getting prepared for your lengthy editing session.

You made yourself at home on the couch towards the front of the bus, turning on your speaker and playing music as loud as you wanted, getting straight to work.

It had felt like only a minute when you heard a knock on the door, but after checking your clock you realized an hour had already gone by. You peeked out the window only to see Jake’s figure standing there.

“Jacob! What’s up? I thought you were going to the bar?” you said as you opened the door to let him in.

“That show wore me out”

“Yeah you did amazing, I mean like you usually do” you say, stumbling over your words and internally punching yourself. God you were not smooth at all.

“Seems like we are some of the very few who decided to stay back, I was getting lonely in that tour bus.”

“Well you’re always welcome here, I was just doing some editing.”

“Wow you’re a pretty big nerd aren’t you? You know you should take a break every once and a while, I feel like you’re constantly working.”

“Well it’s not that hard when you love your job” you tell him.

“I guess that's true, can I see what you’re working on?”

“Yeah of course” you say while making your way back to the couch, Jake plopping down next to you.

“Damn that’s fucking awesome” he remarks, looking at the image on your screen. It’s the one of him playing the guitar behind his head, and winking right at you.

“I know! Thanks for being such a good model” you tell him with a small laugh.

“The guys and management are really impressed with your work. We’ve already been talking about having you come on the European leg of the tour with us.”

“Are you for real?!” you ask in awe, giddy with excitement. You absolutely loved this job and the people, and the thought that you could travel the world to do it was a dream come true.

“Yeah, don’t tell anyone though, I don’t want to get my ass beat for it.”

“Oh my god Jake I could literally kiss you!” you exclaimed, before you had even realized what you said.

You tried your best to play it off before your thoughts were interrupted by Jake’s voice.

“I wish you would”

“Huh” you stop for a second before turning to face him.

“Listen y/n, I think you’re really cool, and you also happen to be really hot. Sorry, maybe I was interpreting things wrong. I just thought if you felt the same it might be fun. It doesn’t have to be anything serious, I just get lonely on the road and -”

Before he could say another word, you took it upon yourself to answer his question, leaning in to capture his lips in a soft kiss. You pull back and look him in the eyes, closing your laptop and setting it on the counter.

“God I’m glad you finally said something, I think everyone was starting to sense the sexual tension” you grin at him.

“Well all I could think about on stage was fucking your brains out, so sorry if I’m not too great at hiding it” he says before grabbing the back of your neck and pulling you in for another kiss, to which you open your mouth to let his tongue slip in.

You move yourself so that you’re straddling his lap, your lips moving perfectly in rhythm as Arctic Monkeys played softly in the background.

“Wow it seems like you were almost expecting this to happen” he teases you.

“Shut up and fuck me Kiszka” you say before he flips you so you’re now beneath him.  

His fingers find their way under your shirt, reaching up to cup your breast. He pinched your nipple before quickly tugging at the hem of your sweatshirt.

“Can this come off?” he breathed into your mouth.

“Yes please” you said before he pulled it off you, exposing your bare chest to him. You felt very self conscious, it had been a little while since you had gotten naked with anyone.

“Hey don’t be shy, you’re gorgeous” he said before connecting your lips once more before he stood up to remove his shirt and shorts, leaving him in a pair of boxer briefs. You tried your best to not look at his growing bulge, but it was hard to resist.

Suddenly he was kneeling on the ground, body in between your spread legs.

“Jake you really don’t have to” “Oh trust me, I want to, '' he says before running his fingers up and down over your clothed core, moving his fingers to the waistband of your shorts, pulling your panties down with them.

“God you’re so fucking sexy” he mutters before expertly pressing the pad of his thumb onto your clit, his other hand pushing on your thigh to keep your legs spread.

“Fuck, Jake, I need more” you groan, your arousal now dripping between your folds.

“Don’t worry baby girl, I’ve got you”

Those words alone probably could have made you cum, but then Jake entered a finger into you, causing your hands to tangle in his long hair, slightly pulling.

“Goddamn babe you’re tight” he said, looking at you in awe before adding another finger and leaning down to toy your clit with the tip of his tongue. His fingers were pumping in and out of you at a steady rhythm, and every so often he’d curl them to perfectly hit your g-spot.

“Jake you need to stop or else I’m gonna cum” you say as you pull his head back, looking him in the eyes.

“That’s okay” he reassures you.

“No, when I cum I want it to be around you” you say.

“Fucking hell y/n” he groans out in a raspy voice.

You get up and kiss him before pushing him down on the couch, his erection straining against the fabric of his boxers. You tug at the waistband, and he lifts his hips up to assist you. You took a moment to admire his length before wrapping your hand around it. He was a couple inches above average, with a nice girth to him. His head tipped back in bliss as you continued to give him a few more strokes before positioning yourself above him, running his tip back and forth across your slit. Slowly, you sank yourself down onto him, taking as much of him in as you could.

“Fuck fuck fuck Jake, you’re really fucking big” you breath out, only able to fit about half of him in you at this angle.

“Just do what you can baby” he says before softly pressing a kiss on your forehead, telling you that it was okay.

You started moving yourself up and down on him as best you could, starting to adjust more to his size. The stretch burned but slowly started turning more pleasurable.

After a few minutes your legs were starting to hurt and his length slipped out of you.

“Will you fuck me from behind?” you blurt out, sweat running between the valley of your breasts.

“I’d be honored” Jake responds, offering a smile before getting up.

He moves you so that your hands are on the back of the couch, holding you steady and your knees rest on the edge of the sofa, sticking your ass out towards Jake. You can hear him move behind you, hands finding their way to your ass, before you feel him run his tip up and down your slit once again.

“Ready?” he asks.

You nod in response and instantly feel him push his way into you, letting you adjust for a second before pushing the rest of his length in you.

“Oh my fucking god Jake” you say as you bury your head in the couch cushions, his dick hitting a spot in you that you didn’t even know was there.

“Oh god you’re doing so good baby girl, taking all of my cock.” he says as he begins to pump in and out of you, starting off slow but gradually picking up the pace.

It feels amazing, better than you had imagined. You wanted him to stay in you forever, make you see stars all the time. Within a minute you were contracting around him, nearing your edge.

“Jake I’m almost there, please faster”

“Me too baby, me too” he says as he starts thrusting even faster than before, wrapping his arm around you to toy with your clit.

All it takes is a few more pumps and you can feel him explode inside you, groaning your name loudly and leaning over your back, but still circling your clit with his fingers. It’s enough to bring you to your peak, walls contracting around him, burying your head in your arms. Once you’ve both come down you stay in that position for a minute, before he pulls out of you and collapses on the couch, pulling you into his chest.

“That was way better than I imagined” he breathes out, hand stroking your hair.

“Oh so you’ve thought about this before? That's embarrassing” you say in a sarcastic tone.

“Hey I’m sure you aren’t so innocent yourself” he says smiling down at you.

“We should probably get dressed, I’m sure your brothers and the other goons will be stumbling in anytime now.” you tell him as you get up and search for your clothes.

“You’re probably right. Hey, let's do this again sometime” he says, cheeks going red.

“Hmm...I’ll see if I can fit you into my schedule” you respond, giving him a quick wink.

These next few months surely were going to be an adventure, and you didn’t want to miss a second.

[dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade]

Blue

Request: HERE A/N: I simply just love this so much and I think I speak on the behalf of all of us when I say I NEED A JOSH IN MY LIFE, OKAY THANK U. @onevisionliz​ this is for you and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :) Comments and critiques are welcome. Word count: 1.7 K Warnings: a little bit of language, nothing too bad

Gif by @peacelovekiszka​, found here, on Tumblr. To be added to the permanent taglist, DM me or leave an ask!

Fanfiction Masterlist

You couldn’t believe that you had to spend another winter holiday in that town. You were so damn bored that you actually agreed to take the family’s dog for a walk in the freezing cold outside. It wasn’t that kind of cold with fluffy snow that gets your fingertips slightly itchy. It was the cold in which your nose was running all the time and your eyes were stinging, on the permanent verge of watering. It was actually kind of difficult to breathe without a scarf covering your face.

So you were fully armored, ready to go outside in the cold. You were worried about the poor dog, though. You were wearing a scarf, gloves, hat, winter jacket, but the dog? Only its fur. The owners – your best friend’s parents – assured you that the dog was a winter breed (Husky, to be more exact) and it was used to this cold, and even to worse conditions, so you didn’t need to worry about it.

You stepped out and a cold shiver ran through your body. The dog – Blue was his name (because of its marvelous blue eyes) – ran ahead of you, excited to go for a walk. Walking with Blue didn’t mean that you had him on a leash, only that you walked along with him. He has been trained this way. The owners only needed to make sure that he didn’t run away while on walks.

You felt your phone vibrate in the pocket of your jeans and you quickly pulled it out and took off one of your gloves to scan the fingerprint. You stopped in the middle of the frozen sidewalk to check the text message that you’ve received. You quickly shrugged it off though, considering it was from a group chat you were in.

Only ten seconds were enough for Blue to disappear from your sight. You looked to your left and right. “Blue!” you shout, hoping that he’d come back to you, but all the shouting was in vain. As an answer, you received only the defiant silence of the cold streets.

You ran down the street, following the faint paw prints in the frozen snow of a dirty white.

“Hey, have you seen a Husky running down this way by any chance?” you gasp for air as you finally meet the first soul on the street since you started the run after Blue. The cold air stung your throat and your lungs.

“Yeah, just ran here like thirty seconds ago,” the boy you asked answered you. “Better get him fast, he was following a cat.”

“God…” you moan angry at yourself for letting Blue out of your sight.

“There a problem?” asked another boy, peeking his head from behind the front door.  You looked at him and squinted your eyes. Seemed so familiar, but you couldn’t put your finger on it.

“Her dog is chasing a cat and she needs to catch it,” the boy from outside answered and put his long hair in a ponytail. “Baby brother, this is your time to shine. Go catch it,” he laughed at the one behind the door.

“Shut up. You’re younger by five minutes and as a matter of fact, I can catch him. Just wait and see,” the one inside answers, fixing the fluffy hair on his head. Before he could answer anything else, his eyes widened and sprinted in the street.

“I’m Jake by the way and he’s Josh. Likes to show off with anything he can,” the boy spoke, looking at his brother running on the cold streets, only in a t-shirt and something that looked like sweatpants.

“Josh…” you whisper to yourself and then it dawned on you. You met him that summer, at Coachella, at an after party and before the festival ended, you had spent every single evening with him. Your best friend got you there, thanks to the fact that she was very good friends with one of the brothers. You remembered then that they play in a band and that they are three brothers.

It was a warm summer night, with the stars shining bright on the pitch black sky. You and your best friend just managed to get to an after party, backstage at Coachella. She was greeting the four boys that got the passes for the two of you, while you waited in the corner, feeling kind of left out.

“Hey, I’m Josh,” one of the boys approached you and shook your hand.

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you,” you smile.

You couldn’t help but notice the fluffy hair on Josh’s head and the small pass around his neck which said in capital letters PERFORMER. GRETA VAN FLEET. ALL ACCESS.

“You’ve already played your set?”

“Yep, and now it’s time for some well-earned relaxation,” he laughed, revealing a set of perfect white teeth. You had to admit, his smile was contagious, making you smile as well.

You had spent all that night with Josh, until the sun was shyly rising over the desert filled with people having fun and partying. In the morning, Josh even came with you all the way to the bungalow you had rented with your friend for the whole period of the festival.

“See you in the evening honey,” Josh smiled with tired eyes. He approached you and planted a tiny and shy kiss on your cheek, before waving you goodbye.

That was only the first evening of the festival. In the days that came, you and Josh got considerably closer and you could feel the tension in the air between you. You fell for him, even though you proposed yourself not to, since you’d never meet again and you’d be heartbroken.

In the day before each of you went your separate ways, Josh kissed you as the sun came up on the sky.

“God, that dog of yours is fucking fast…” Josh panted as he walked back to the house with Blue next to him. Blue was wiggling his tail and looking at you with a “sorry” look on his face.

“Thank you, Josh,” you spoke and in that moment, on Josh’s face you could’ve seen at least 6 different emotions coming one after the other.

“Y/N?” he asked unsure. Jake was still there and with a little ooh, he left inside, leaving the two of you alone.

“Who would’ve guessed,” you shrugged with a dumb smile on your face. Your feelings for him only returned, even though you’d hoped that time would bury them away.

“So nice to see you here, but how come you’re here? Didn’t you say you’re from Ann Arbor?” surprise all over his face. “Fuck, sorry, sorry, come inside, it’s freezing outside and bring him with you.”

You looked at Blue and nodded. You were thankful for warmth of Josh’s place and for his invitations. Awkward tension was now between you, so you weren’t planning on staying too long.

Inside, Blue laid down on the wooden floor in the living room, while you were still standing in the doorway, taking off your scarf.

“Y/N, before anything else, I wanted to say that I didn’t know that you come around here, if I would, I would’ve asked you in summer to –“ Josh started but abruptly stopped.

“No, it’s alright, really. I don’t live in Frankenmuth, I just come here for the holidays with my friend and sometimes during summer,” you shrug your shoulders, trying to cover the tint of your cheeks.

“Come on, have a seat,” Josh motioned towards the couch. “Can I make you something to drink? Tea? Coffee? Some hot chocolate?”

He was as sweet as you remembered. “Some coffee maybe, thank you.”

You join Josh into the kitchen, looking around the room. The whole place was so cozy.

“I would’ve asked you if you wanted to be together. It’s a little silly at first sight, you know, falling for somebody in a couple of days, but I feel like we’ve known each other for ages,” Josh sighed as he took out a cup from the cupboard.

In that moment, it felt like an old flame between you two has been lit up.

Josh put on the kettle, preparing two cups of coffee. You were silently looking at him, like trying to let all that information and all those old feelings with new opportunities sink in. Silence was between you the whole time while Josh prepared the coffee.

Once with the cup in your hands and Josh with his, Josh led the way to the living room, sitting on the couch and putting the cup on the small glass table in front of him. You followed his example and you just looked at him. He was really beautiful and the small part of his soul that you had the pleasure to see was just as beautiful.

“Can I?” Josh whispered, scooting closer to you.

You just hum affirmatively. Your eyes flutter closed in the moment Josh’s lips touched yours, as if telling you how much he missed having you with him.

After the kiss, you smiled, feeling happier than ever and hugged him tight.

“Won’t you stay for a little while?” Josh pleaded, holding your hand and kissing him.

You nod and text your friend, telling her that you’re going to come later home and that Blue is with you. In the instant you pressed send, you powered off your phone.

Josh spread on the couch a white blanket and he pulled you to his chest and covered the two of you with the blanket. He turned on Netflix and browsed for a movie, asking you for your opinion on whatever he found interesting.

“Dude, I wanted to watch Netflix,” his brother, Jake, protested from the stairs as he saw the two of you.

“Fuck off, go watch it on your phone,” Josh answered and put his tongue out. He was acting like a five year old, but you loved that.

You just cuddled closer to Josh, while playing with his hair and watching Netflix for the rest of the afternoon. You knew in that moment that you have found a special someone who was honest and who shared the same feelings for you as you did for him.

Tags: @myownparadise96​, @satans-helper​, @jeordinevankiszka​, @littlegeekwonder​, @songbirdkisses​, @pomegranatecurses​, @umbriellethenightfall​, @freeeshavacadoo​, @karrotkate​, @mountainofthesunn​

[mychemicalficrecs]

lookin for any ship (no w*ycest oh god) but for it to be a historic / not modern au! ive read quite a few of the popular ferard ones, but I cant find them anymore so feel free to include those. longer ones would be preferable, and i dont mind if they include other things like vampires or like.. pirates or somethin. thank u so much!!!!

Hi Nonny!

First things first: This is a blog for all ships. I'll answer your ask this time, but from now on asks that hate on a ship will be deleted. It's perfectly fine to dislike a ship and want it excluded from a list you're requesting, but you can be neutral about it.

With that out of the way: This Frank/Gerard Historical AUs list might be interesting to you as well!

Historical AUs (Misc. Ship Edition)

Bury Me In Memory by Acadjonne, Ray/Gerard, 27k, Teen And Up Audiences. Since losing his wife, Ray has done everything he could to raise his daughter Grace on his own. His brother-in-law Gideon, however, somehow always finds ways to complain about Ray and his parenting abilities. Despite this, Ray is determined not to let Gideon get the best of him. A chance meeting with author Gerard Way may change things, however, as the two soon begin to develop an attachment to each other, though neither does anything about it. Gerard is too preoccupied with making a grand statement about it, and Ray is too afraid of how it might affect Grace if Gideon were ever to find out. One misplaced paper, however, may be the unraveling of an important and well kept secret; one which could bring Ray’s entire life crashing down around him.

If I Fall by GALEXY, Frank/Gerard, Frank/Jamia, Lindsey/Gerard, Christa/Ray, Kristin/Mikey, 25k, Mature. “Jersey boys, huh?” The officer looked the five of them over before jerking his chin towards a table near the entry way. “Go on.” As they walked away, the blonde one—they later came to know him as Bob—sighed and muttered “I’m from Chicago” under his breath.

Gunpowder and Lead by prophetic, Frank/Gerard, Lindsey/Frank/Gerard, 53k, Teen And Up Audiences. Frank and Gerard made it through their first cattle drive together, but now Frank is gone and Gerard doesn’t know what to do. His gut tells him Frank’s disappearance has something to do with the preacher man. Turns out, Lindsey is looking for the preacher man too, but she won’t say why. Gerard has reasons enough to hate the man, but Lindsey has more—reasons that stretch back into her family, her childhood, and what brought her out west in the first place. She wants what he owes her—she wants revenge. American Western, set in the 1880s.

In Firmer Chains, Our Hearts Confine by doctorkilljoy, Grant/Gerard, 37k, Explicit. Former musical composer and current writer Gerard Way is a sensation of the musical and literary scenes of 1800s London. But after struggling for ages with his new book, he’s close to giving up. Until he receives an offer from Grant Morrison himself; to go to his manor in Scotland and work on his novel in peace. Gerard seizes upon the chance immediately. Grant, however, has a dark secret he’s desperately trying to keep hidden. And Gerard has a few of his own.

GHOST OF YOU by wentz, Mikey/Pete, 13k, Mature. he spends a lot of time thinking about gaps... gaps in time, gaps in space. the gap between the hem of mikey’s t-shirt and the waistband of his pants when he stretches his arms over his head. gaps in teeth, gaps in narratives. gaps of silence between gunshots. mostly he thinks about the wide, wide gap of the atlantic ocean and the war waiting on the other side.

Lead Me Home by wordslinging, Frank/Gerard, Grant/Gerard, Frank/Grant/Gerard, 34k, Explicit. When Grant finds an unconscious young man on the edge of his country estate, he takes him in and nurses him through the fever that develops, only to find when the fever breaks that his guest has completely lost his memories. With only a first name--Gerard--and evidence that he's escaped from some sort of danger, Grant and Gerard begin a search for his identity, all the while finding themselves drawn closer to each other. When they make contact with Gerard's family--including his father's ward, a young man named Frank--their situation becomes even more complicated.

amnesiaverse by fleurdeliser, tuesdaysgone, Frank/Gerard, Frank/Grant, Frank/Grant/Gerard, 45k, Explicit. Written for prompt number five of the yobrothatssick challenge: One foggy, wet afternoon, a mysterious young man collapses on the doorstep of Lord Morrison's manor. He does not remember his name or how he came to be there, but he does not seem that unfamiliar to Gerard, Lord Morrison's ward...

Below the Trees, Which Are Below the Stars by alpheratz, Frank/Mikey, Ray/Gerard, 38k, Explicit. In the mid-1920s, Gerard and Mikey moved to France - Gerard to pursue art, Mikey because he couldn't stay behind. Now, it's 1930, and Mikey's become an airmail pilot, flying the mail route to Dakar with his navigator Frank. For a long time, the only rough thing about Mikey's life was the strain on his and Gerard's soulbond when Mikey was away, but his growing feelings for Frank and the arrival of Frank's old friend Ray could change everything.

1930s Dragverse by wordslinging, Frank/Gerard, Grant/Gerard, 45k, Mature. It's the last year of Prohibition, and bootlegger Frank Iero wants to sever his ties to the world of organized crime and go straight, but his mob connections have other plans for him. No one would like to see Frank get away from the mob more than Gerard, but he's got problems of his own--like the fact that he's a cross-dressing cabaret singer constantly struggling to keep his true identity secret from those who can't be trusted. With the help of a devoted brother, a detective who just might be as trustworthy as he claims, and a wealthy, eccentric Scotsman who features prominently in Gerard's past, Frank and Gerard just might be able to get out and start a new life together, but it's not going to be easy. A tale of gangsters, garter belts, love (hopefully) overcoming all obstacles, and a whole lot of coffee.

in sickness and in health by mwestbelle, Bob/Jamia, Bob/Frank/Jamia, Frank/Jamia, 16k, Explicit. WWII AU in which Bob married his fallen comrade's wife out of duty, but Frank is not so fallen.

Fic: The End of the Beginning (PG-13) by tuesdaysgone, Lindsey/Gerard, Bob/Gerard, Lindsey/Alicia, Lindsey/Bob, Lindsey/Bob/Gerard, Alicia/Gerard, 15k, Teen And Up Audiences. Prompt #413 - post WWII fic where MCR are returned to the US in varying states of physical/mental hurt. Gee has his wife to go back to, but also has to face Alicia, and while he's managed to come to terms with Mikey's death with the help of his unit, he feels pretty guilty for letting Alicia's husband die. Lyn and Alica are strong women in the workforce (overalls and mechanics!). They all deal with their pain and trauma together. A billion bonus points if MCR made pacts to *look after* their wives if something happened to them, and Alicia refuses to be a charity case, and it all turns into 50s secret swinging GSF.

Fic: These Elegant Crimes (R) by tuesdaysgone, Frank/Gerard, Frank/Greta Salpeter, Frank/Greta Salpeter/Gerard, 33k, Mature. Gerard Way inherits a title and a seat in the House of Lords and decides to Save Lives Through Legislation. He also paints portraits, collects strays, and occasionally commits felonies in his spare time. A Victorian AU.

Undertow by silentdescant, Frank/Jamia, Lindsey/Gerard, 35k, Mature. Frank lost his ship, his crew, and his best friend in one violent storm. When he washes up on an island, he has to learn how start living again. Time passes, and he thinks he's settled down and moved on, but then he rescues a woman from the sea and in caring for her, realizes he hasn't fully recovered from his own shipwreck. Frank quickly comes to depend on her and though he starts to live again, he doesn't want to live without her. Vaguely-historical AU.

A Gentleman's Agreement by mahoni (orphan_account), Bob/Brian and other band ships, 56k, Explicit. Brian buys and sells unicorns and bicorns for the titled and wealthy. When Bob's stepfather defaults on a debt he owes Brian, he uses Bob as barter to pay the debt off. Brian and Bob agree that their arrangement will be a marriage on paper only, that Bob will run Brian's stables and the relationship will remain strictly professional. But despite Bob's trust issues and Brian's propensity for drinking a lot instead of dealing with how he feels, their mutual affection for Brian's horses breaks down the walls between them. With a little help from Brian's friends and his possessed house, they begin to fall in love.

[bandaids-not-groupies]

Get to know me uncomfortably well - tagged by @livewiredroger ❤️ sorry this took so long to post!! 

1. What is your middle name? 

Janie

2. How old are you? 

21, gonna be 22 in a couple months

3. When is your birthday?

December 4th! A day after Ozzy’s

4. What is your zodiac sign? 

Sagittarius

5. What is your favourite colour? 

Light purple and black

6. What’s your lucky number?

I don’t actually know

7. Do you have any pets?

No but I did have a dog!

8. Where are you from? 

Chicago!

9. How tall are you?

5’0 lmao

10. What shoe size are you? 

6

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 

Too many to count lol

12. What was your last dream about? 

I don’t remember 😅

13. What talents do you have?

None lol. I’m boring af

14. Are you psychic in any way? 

Nope lol

15. Favourite song? 

I’m a believer by the monkees (I’ve always loved that song)

16. Favourite movie? 

The Godfather

17. Who would be your ideal partner? 

Keanu Reeves. He has my heart and soul

18. Do you want children? 

Yeah but only like 2

19. Do you want a church wedding? 

Yeah but nothing too big

20. Are you religious? 

Kinda but not really. Like I acknowledge that there could be a God. But I don’t practice it that much. So basically I’M SINNING AND I’M WINNING

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 

Yeah. Twice. Once cause I had a bad ear infection and then another time I had pneumonia

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 

Nope!

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 

Yes I have! Back in my emo days I meet Christofer Drew from Never Shout Never, which was actually pure luck! NSN was in town for a concert, but I couldn’t go because it was a 18+ venue so I couldn’t get in (I was in 8th grade at the time). So my family and I decided to go out to eat at a restaurant which was coincidentally across from the venue. So we were walking down the street and I see this huge tour bus right outside the restaurant. My heart starts racing and i thought “how cool would it be if I bumped into someone from the group” well lo and behold as we are coming closer to the bus, Christofer Drew turns the corner and walks towards the bus. So I stop in my tracks and just say “Christofer Drew?” And he stops and he says hi! He asked if I was going to the show and I said no and he goes “well you gotta promise you’ll come to the next one!” Of course I made the promise and I didn’t break it! He came back that summer and I got to see him ❤️ I also met two groups called Breathe Carolina and Crown The Empire. I also met Evan Peters and Sebastian Stan at Comic Con a couple years ago. I also met Corey Crawford. The goaltender for the Chicago Blackhawks, my favorite hockey team.

24. Baths or showers?

Showers! I don’t like the idea of bathing in your own filth.

25. What color socks are you wearing? 

I’m not wearing any!

26. Have you ever been famous? 

Nope lmao and I probably never will be

28. What type of music do you like?

I like oldies. Mostly from the 50s-80s. Anything from Dean Martin to Motley Crue. I do like modern music too. I still listen to some of the bands I listened to in middle school lol (like the ones i mentioned before and others like All Time Low, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, Of Mice & Men, Asking Alexandria, and a couple more.) I also like Greta Van Fleet and 5 Seconds of Summer. I also like spanish music. Like Maluma, Bad Bunny, Becky G, etc. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 

Nope lol 

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 

It depends. It could be one or none. Sometimes i don’t use a pillow

31. What position do you usually sleep in? 

On my tummy! 

32. How big is your house? 

It’s a two bedroom apartment. I’m not complaining tho, its very cozy. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 

If I wake up early enough lol it’ll usually be eggs (over medium), some coffee, and some bread 

34. Have you ever fired a gun? 

Nope and i don’t plan on it! 

35. Have you ever tried archery? 

Yes! I tried it when I was in Girl Scouts in elementary school 

36. Favourite clean word? 

Groovy 

37. Favorite swear word? 

definitely FUCK

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 

like a day? I got like four hours of sleep the night before. Got up at like 6am, went about my day. Then I stayed up until 7am working on a research paper for class (college is a BITCH). 

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 

Nah cause your girl is hella ugly lmao

41. Are you a good liar? 

Not at all. People can tell when I’m lying cause my voice gets high lmao 

42. Are you a good judge of character? 

Eh I do my best 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 

I try to do a posh British accent and I try to do a Steve Irwin Aussie accent   

44. Do you have a strong accent? 

People say I have a strong chicagoan accent but i don’t hear it!

45. What is your favourite accent? 

I’m a sucker for aussie accents 

46. What is your personality type? 

just took the test..i got ISFP-T (adventurer) 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 

hmmmm all I can think of at the moment is my Doc Martens. They aren’t really clothing but it’s all I can think of lol

48. Can you curl your tongue? 

Nope!

49. Are you an innie or an outie? 

outie :(((( i hate it 

50. Left or right-handed?

Right handed! 

51. Are you scared of spiders? 

YES YES YES

52. Favourite food? 

Pasta! I could eat it all day, every day 

53. Favourite foreign food?

Tamales and Pozole. That’s my shitttt

54. Are you a clean or messy person? 

I try and be a clean person and stay organized but it only lasts for a bit then I go back to my messy ways lol 

55. Most used phrase? 

“that’s a mood” and “no mames guey” (Mexican slang)

56. Most used word? 

Dude and Darling

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 

Depends. If I wear my hair natural, then an hour. But if I gotta style it, then like an hour and a half or two hours( I got a lot of fucking hair, dude). 

58. Do you have much of an ego? 

Hell no lmao. This bitch has a low self-esteem so 🤷🏻‍♀️

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 

Suck 🤪

60. Do you talk to yourself? 

All the time lmao 

61. Do you sing to yourself? 

Yeah sometimes 

62. Are you a good singer? 

Nope lmao but I still do it anyways 

63. Biggest Fear? 

A lot of shit. Spiders, Holes (trypophobia), tearing my achilles or getting them cut (ever since I saw Pet Sematary), dolls, bugs crawling under my skin, throwing up...and i can’t think of anymore on the spot 

64. Are you a gossip? 

you bet your ass I am. Soy una chismosa lmao

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 

Titanic  

66. Do you like long or short hair? 

On girls, long but not too long. Maybe like mid-back. And guys, long, like ear length and longer 

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 

Yeah but i couldn’t point them out on a map 

68. Favourite school subject? 

Biology/Human Anatomy. I’m a sucker for science 

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Definitely an introvert. No doubt about that lol 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 

Nope!

71. What makes you nervous? 

Meeting new people, class discussions, and presentations

72. Are you scared of the dark? 

If i’ve just seen a scary movie then yes lol  

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 

Sometimes. For instance, if one of my friends from ecuador uses a word wrong in a sentence, then I would tell them the right way to say it to help them learn more english. i never correct someone to seem like i’m smarter or to be rude. It’s simply to help them. 

74. Are you ticklish? 

Yeah! In some places like my feet, neck, and my back, 

75. Have you ever started a rumour? 

No way! That’s terrible 

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 

Only when babysitting my little cousins lol 

77. Have you ever drank underage? 

Yeah lmao. When I went away for college

78. Have you ever done drugs? 

Once, when I hungout with a guy at school we smoked some weed

79. Who was your first real crush?

One of my friends from college. I met him Freshman year and I still like him...I’ve liked him for four years but i’ve never had the guts to tell him 

80. How many piercings do you have? 

6! I have four on my left ear and two on my right ear. I have the standard lobe piercings, then the upper lobe on both sides. Then on my left I have one above the upper. And then I have my helix pierced on the left side. (i hope this all made sense lol) 

81. Can you roll your R’s?

Nope

82. How fast can you type? 

Eh I would say pretty average 

83. How fast can you run? 

Not at all. I hate running 

84. What colour is your hair?

Dark brown! 

85. What color is your eyes? 

Dark brown

86. What are you allergic to? 

Some ingredient in the Banana Boat sunscreen. And some type of plant. I don’t exactly know which one cause I went to the botantic garden one time on a field trip and I don’t know which plant caused my allergic reaction but when I got home I had hives all over me. 

87. Do you keep a journal? 

Nope, never did 

88. What do your parents do? 

My mom is an ortho technician and my dad is a delivery man

89. Do you like your age? 

Yeah I guess. I mean I can buy my own alcohol so that’s pretty neat 

90. What makes you angry? 

Everything 

91. Do you like your own name? 

Eh it’s alright. Pretty boring 

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I like the name Elena for a girl and Jonathan for a boy 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Doesn’t matter to me

94. What are you strengths? 

I’m a ride or die bitch.

95. What are your weaknesses?

I don’t really share my emotions so I keep things bottled up 

96. How did you get your name? 

My cousin picked out my name 

97. Were your ancestors royalty? 

Not that I know of. But what I do know is I have family from Spain. 

98. Do you have any scars?

Yeah, one on my arm from when I burned myself with my straightener. And another at the place where my nose meets my forehead, between my brows. When I was in elementary school, I was running out on the playground and I tripped and I slide across the cement and scraped my nose and my whole forehead. THERE. WAS. BLOOD. EVERYWHERE. 

99. Colour of your bedspread? 

Light pink 

100. Colour of your room? 

White! 

I tag: @tommyleeownsme, @babe-mustaine, @waycooljunior, and @universal-scorpio ❤️

[thejoeydavis]

Movies of 2016

(I’m posting this late but for archival purposes I’m putting it here)

Every January I do a list of all the movies I watched over the past year in chronological order and this,, as you can tell,, is that list. Each movie is rated out of 10 and rounded to the nearest whole number for simplicity and because I use the letterboxd app to log all my movies and it uses a 5 star system. These number ratings are meant to be as objective as possible, which means they’re judged on commonly agreed upon film conventions and what most critics and kinophiles would consider to be “good film,” as pretentious as that sounds. Really it just means I went with my gut feeling and then considered technical aspects and effectiveness on all of these. Paired with each are some thoughts to talk about what I liked or disliked, how it made me feel, etc. I’ll try to keep it short on as many as I can since there are so many. tl;dr: top 10 is at the bottom

Anomalisa – 7 – a predictably depressing Charlie Kaufman film about loneliness and being human—somewhat ironic considering it’s a stop motion film. Don’t let the puppets with 3d printed faces fool you; this is a very human movie with one of the most realistic sex scenes ever captured on film. Probably don’t see this with your mom like I did.

Inside Llewyn Davis – 8 – one of my favorite movies of the past few years and one of my top Coen bros movies. The charismatic but dickish performance by Oscar Isaac and beautiful folk soundtrack depicts a hard life for a musician in early 1960s New York that will make you feel better about yourself (unless you’re a musician).

 Me, and Earl, and the Dying Girl – 8 – also one of my favorite movies of the past few years, this love letter to classic film by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon is a beautiful story of a popular kid in high school who befriends a girl with terminal cancer. Essentially Perks of Being a Wallflower meets criterion collection.

Project X – 7 – one of my guilty pleasure movies. Lots of fun.

 The Hateful Eight (70mm) – 6 – I got to see this in 70mm complete with preshow overture and intermission and it was an incredible experience. I loved the movie but it’s not Tarantino’s best by any stretch. Note the huge disparity in rating from last year when I gave it a 9.2. This film is not a 9.2.

 The Forest – 3 – in this movie Natalie Dormer goes to the Japanese suicide forest to search for her sister who went missing. Suicide is a very apt theme here considering how heavily I considered ending my life during this movie. Truly awful.

 Carol – 6 – one of those movies that I know is good but I just didn’t enjoy. It’s about Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett as they try to hide their forbidden romantic relationship in 1950s New York. Long, slow, but very pretty and touching, I’d recommend it if you like character driven stories—especially ones about LGBT issues because it’s very good in that regard.

 Hail, Caesar – 7 – underrated mystery film by the Coen’s about old Hollywood and communists. More along the lines of the Big Lebowski than No Country For Old Men. Just a really fun movie with a great sense of world building that makes 1930s Hollywood really come alive.

 Deadpool – 7 – pretty funny and exactly the kind of movie Ryan Reynolds and fans wanted. Probably the only good Marvel movie made by Fox.

 The Witch – 8 – a visceral and disturbing film about a cursed life in 1600s New England, The Witch (stylized as The VVitch) is one of the best horror movies I’ve ever seen. Be warned though, it’s the definition of slow burn horror so you’ll probably dislike it if you’re used to modern horror films.

 10 Cloverfield Lane – 7 – one of the big surprises of the year and also one of the most thrilling, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and John Goodman both give excellent performances. It’s basically a bottle episode completely unrelated to the first film. People have criticized Winstead’s character for her actions at the end but it completes her character arc perfectly so it definitely works.

 Room – 8 – beautiful film. Somewhat overrated.

 Brooklyn – 8 – one of my favorites from 2015 and immensely enjoyable from start to finish. This story of an Irish girl moving to Brooklyn shows that the conflict doesn’t have to be high stakes for it to be compelling.

 Batman v Superman – 4 – wow surprise surprise, Zack Snyder made another shit movie. Awful film full of clichés and nonsensical dialogue, bizarre editing, and the incredibly moronic decision to try and kickstart an entire cinematic universe in a dreadfully painful 2+ hour runtime. This movie sucks and DC needs to either hire some competent scriptwriters and directors or just give up already.

 Zootopia – 7 – ah the quintessential furry movie 2016. I really enjoyed this and it has great rewatch value. One of the most beautifully animated movies of the year.

 Midnight Special – 6 – I had no expectations for this movie and I was pleasantly surprised by it, although somewhat let down by the ending. It’s an interesting story about a kid with unknown supernatural powers being smuggled to a specific coordinates where he says something will happen. The mystery unfolds throughout the run time and there are some pretty cool scenes. Fun sci-fi to rent maybe.

 Midnight in Paris – 7 – 1920s Paris is arguably one of the best eras to be alive in and Woody Allen captures the magic of the period well. As with most modern Woody Allen films it’s pretty cheesy—especially the modern day scenes—but the scenes that take place in the 1920s with F Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, and Picasso are truly a delight. One of my favorite movies from 2011.

 Captain America Civil War – 7 – not bad but much worse than Winter Soldier. It was enjoyable at least and miles ahead of Avengers 2.

 Green Room – 8 – a disturbing, white-knuckle rollercoaster of a film that follows a punk band as they fight off a bar full of alt-righ—I mean neo-nazis. An absolute must-see.

 The Nice Guys – 7 – fun from start to finish, Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe give two funny and over the top performances in this 1970s period film about two detectives who get caught up in a case that’s way over their heads. Definite recommendation. Crowe’s performance in the first third/half or so is very melodramatic and over the top cool-guy but I believe it was intended to be tongue in cheek so don’t let it throw you.

 The Jungle Book – 6 – not bad.

 Raiders of the Lost Ark – 9 – a near perfect movie and one of, if not the best action movie of all time.

 x x x s u m m e r x x x

 Make Happy – 8 – Bo Burnham tweeted about a special premiere screening of his new special back in March so I bought tickets and went with Andrew to see it. We went to the Largo in West Hollywood and were treated to a short comedy show and the grand premiere of Make Happy, Bo’s last one-man show for the foreseeable future. It was an incredible experience.

 The World of Tomorrow – 8 – it’s only 16 minutes and it’s by Don Herzfeldt—what’s not to love? Get ready for an existential crisis.

 The Conjuring 2 – 7 – pretty spooky in some parts with a cool little i spy game you can play with the name of the ghost demon lady. Not as good as the first.

 Finding Dory – 7 – older Pixar films have a certain level of charm that all their films post-Toy Story 3 (barring Monsters University) don’t seem to have and this is no exception. It was very enjoyable but it just felt like it doesn’t have the magic that the old ones have.

 The Shallows – 4 – the amount of praise this movie received was deadass baffling. This is one of the worst movies I’ve seen this year and I don’t see how so many people missed the cliché dialogue and plot, ridiculous shark cgi, exploitative ass shots, and absolutely insane and unrealistic attempts to kill the shark. Critics and audiences comparing this to Jaws is an insult to not only Spielberg, but also the art of filmmaking itself.

 Frances Ha – 9 – one of my favorite movies of all time, this black and white indie film by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig is a cozy tale of solipsistic loneliness, friendship, and following your dreams. It’s depressing, but in a very relatable and reassuring way. Greta Gerwig as the New York dancer Frances is so believable that seeing her in other roles feels almost disingenuous. Honestly if you watch anything on this list you should watch this first, foremost and as soon as possible. It’s on netflix!

 Mistress America – 7 – another one by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig and it was actually my introduction to their work. I loved this movie when I first saw it but it pales in comparison to Frances. Still a great movie with wonderful acting and snappy as hell dialogue. Fun fact: Noah Baumbach worked with Wes Anderson in the past and it shows here, especially in the dialogue.

 The Neon Demon – 8 – one of the most polarizing films of the year but a definite return to form by the near infamous Nicolas Winding Refn. The success of the 2011 masterpiece Drive was not good for Refn’s ego apparently as he followed it up with the nauseatingly self-indulgent Only God Forgives. Thank goodness he was able to find a balance between pure art film and accessible indie film with the Neon Demon. It’s by no means very accessible but the acting, especially from the main girls and a sleazy Keanu Reeves, is great and the visuals are incredibly surreal and v e r y v e r y n e o n . Recommend if you like artsy films with lots of sex and blood.

 Back to the Future – 10 – a textbook example of what a perfect movie looks like.

 It Follows – 8 – nothing but love for this creepy and atmospheric 2015 horror/suspense film about the end of childhood and the impending dread of adulthood. Really it’s about a supernatural shape shifting thing with its “rule” being that acts like an std being passed down through sexual partners. If the thing catches you, it then goes after the previous person in the chain and so on, so the only way to save yourself is to pass it on or run endlessly in futility. Please do see this it’s great.

 The Secret Life of Pets – 6 – a disappointment but Louis CK as a dog was fun to see.

 Hush – 5 – not very good Netflix horror movie about a guy terrorizing a deaf lady at her home in the woods for some reason.

 Snatch – 6 – I suppose if I were more familiar with Guy Ritchie’s work I would’ve enjoyed it more but it looks like it was shot by a Tarantino wannabe edgelord and edited in windows moviemaker. Still entertaining though.

 Horace and Pete – 10 – Horace and Pete is a dramedy web series multi-camera sitcom written, directed, and produced by Louis CK and it’s the single best serial program I’ve ever seen. This is a true masterpiece in every sense and the writing and acting is some of the best in a serial program. It was so good that I actually could not enjoy anything else for days after because everything paled in comparison. For example, I watched Stranger Things the day after I finished this and I had to stop watching three episodes in because it was completely and utterly awful compared to Horace and Pete. The quality of writing is unbelievable and I laughed and cried at many many points. Louis CK, Steve Buscemi, Edie Falco, and Alan Alda, bring career defining performances to the small screen and I cannot wait to watch it again—although I’m not sure I’m prepared for it.

 Breathless (1960) – 7 – one of the most defining films of the French New Wave, this film by Jean Luc-Godard is a love story shot in some of the most unconventional ways I’ve seen in a film. It’s not surreal or weird but it certainly is interesting. Worth a watch if you like the cinematography of Wes Anderson, Woody Allen, or Louis CK—although it’s a much more saturated French New Wave style since all those styles are derivative of this. Has some of the most intriguing and innovative tracking/dolly shots I’ve ever seen. In fact, at one point two characters are walking down the street but they couldn’t afford a dolly for the tracking shot, so they had the cameraman sit in a wheelchair and film while someone pulled him backwards to make the shot. Really that’s what French New Wave is all about: innovating and using filmmaking techniques that were unprecedented at the time.

 Star Trek Beyond – 6 – a really fun return to the franchise that actually felt somewhat like a Star Trek film—unlike that last one. It’s still just an action movie franchise now but it’s just a real good time.

 Lights Out – 3 – again, the praise this film received was COMPLETELY unwarranted and totally baffling. This movie blows and is so saturated with clichés that I can’t imagine liking this film. don’t waste ur time.

 Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates – 5 – actually hilarious movie. Really dumb but so goddamn funny. Zach Efron and Adam Devine are a great duo. Has arguably the best exchange about fisting in the history of film.

 Café Society – 6 – a pretty good modern Woody Allen film. Much better than his last two, Irrational Man and Magic in the Moonlight. It’s nice to see a film from Woody Allen that isn’t about a much older man falling in love with a much younger woman.

 Suicide Squad – 2 – “roses are red/there is no god/my favorite movie?/suicide squad.” – Gideon Ondap deadass one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I wrote a 10 page essay on this after it came out but basically the editing is jarring enough to induce brain trauma, the acting is atrocious, and the script is objectively bad. A complete and utter failure of a film. The name is a warning.

 The Room – 1 – another one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen yet 1000x more enjoyable than Suicide Squad. Tommy Wisseau is a genius and this is his magnum opus. Required viewing. Also I must say that a Suicide Squad/The Room double feature makes for one of the funniest nights of life.

 Scott Pilgrim vs The World – 8 – honestly one of my favorite movies. A super well done adaptation directed by Edgar Wright, this film is able to stand independently next to the already spectacular Scott Pilgrim graphic novel series. The music is incredible. It never gets old.

 x x x c o l l e g e x x x

 Sausage Party – 5 – obscene, racist, vulgar, and dumb as hell with a giant food orgy at one point. Still laughed at much of it.

 Captain Fantastic – 8 – a dad raising his kids to survive in the wilderness of Washington must bring them into society to attend their dead mother’s funeral. A big surprise and one of the most enjoyable movies I saw this year.

 Don’t Think Twice – 8 – Mike Birbiglia has always been one of my favorite comedians because his stories were so heartwarming, wholesome, and packed to the brim with jokes that would reward you on multiple viewings or listens. Don’t Think Twice is Mike’s second movie I believe, and it’s about an improv group in Brooklyn having fun doing their craft while trying to make a life for themselves. When you’re a comedian/improviser,, your friends are too, but if one of you actually gets a big break then it’s that person’s break and no one else’s. It causes a lot of tension between performers because even though they’re all friends, they’re still actively competing in a highly sought after profession. Judd Apatow came out after he saw the movie and said how accurately it depicts the life of comedy performers. It’s a really depressing (in a relatable way) and realistic take on the competitive world of improv and deals with friendship, comedy, and how cruel life can really be. Beautiful movie.

 American Beauty – 8 – really did not like this the first time but warmed up to it on the second viewing and it really shines despite many dated aspects.

 Antz – 6 – woody allen as a ant oy vey

 Back to the Future II – 5 – pretty bad sequel until he goes back to 1955. Worse than the third tbh

 Everybody Wants Some!! – 7 – even after the abortion that was Boyhood I didn’t give up on Richard Linklater and I’m glad I didn’t. This spiritual sequel to Dazed and Confused (but in the 80s this time!) was a ton of fun.

 Clapping for the Wrong Reasons – 8 – this short film written by Donald Glover and directed by Hiro Murai is about a surreal day in the life of The Boy, a character Donald Glover created as the speaker of his Because the Internet album (his magnum opus imo). Hot take: Chance v Bino push up contest contender for best film scene ever.

 Kubo and the Two Strings – 7 – the most beautiful disappointment of the year. The incredible stop motion animation is unfortunately much more enjoyable than the underwhelming story. Not as good as Coraline.

 Hell or High Water – 8 – the director of photography from Sicario returns for this modern western about two brothers who rob the banks that screwed over their mother. Great performances from Jeff Bridges, Ben Foster, and Chris Pine.

 Don’t Breathe – 7 – this horror film about three thieves who break into an old blind man’s house borders on exploitation film towards the end. Not that bad.

 Blair Witch – 6 – not as bad as everyone said it was. It’s a soft reboot of 99’s Blair Witch Project but with a modern horror twist—which means it relies mainly on jump scares and unnecessary use of found footage tropes rather than atmosphere building and genuine terror. I still thoroughly enjoyed it and thought the last 15 minutes or so were really spooky. The creature design was really great and the way time moved was an interesting horror device. If you liked the first one but were bored by it then you’ll probably like this one because it moves a bit faster although you might be bored by it too. Oh but side note: that drone scene was fucking stupid.

 Over The Garden Wall – 10 – this 10 episode cartoon network animated miniseries aired in the fall of 2014 and follows two boys as they wander through the woods to find their way back home. It stars Elijah Wood, Christopher Lloyd, Melanie Lynskey, John Cleese, Tom Lennon, and Tim Curry among others. The story itself is inspired by Dante Alighieri’s Inferno and the music is inspired by early 20th century Americana folk music. It’s literally the single most charming thing I’ve ever seen and it’s an absolute MUST SEE.

 x x x s e p 1 5 – n o v 6 x x x

 Doctor Strange – 7 – not much to say about this one but I liked it. The visuals were top notch and although Dr Strange is basically just Tony Stark pt 2, it makes sense considering how much lesser of a role Stark will play in later movies. I’m really excited for the new Thor movie now.

 The Purge Election Year – 4 – each Purge movie is better than the last and this third installment is still a 4. That’s pretty much all there is to say. There are some legitimately hilarious parts in this though—all unintentional.

 O Brother, Where Art Thou? – 7 – another silly Coen film and one of their most accessible. Good film based on the Odyssey.

 Arrival – 9 – Dennis Villeneuve is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors after last year’s Sicario and now 2016’s Arrival. This is a film about humanity, the complete frivolity of our problems, and how staying divided will be our undoing. The cinematography is breathtaking, the score is great (much of it follows the circle of 5ths, which will make sense after watching), the acting is good, and the film just has a beautiful sense of scope to it. I encourage you to watch this and DON’T WATCH ANY TRAILERS OR READ ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I assure you; you’ll want to go into this as blind as possible (and you should never watch trailers anyway they literally ruin films).  In Trump’s America this movie is even more important so please I urge you to watch this.

 Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – 5 – the Phantom Menace of the Harry Potter universe, Fantastic Beasts has so much exposition and forced world building that anyone who hasn’t seen the first 8 hp films will probably have a tough time figuring out what’s going on. The opening sequence is literally just a montage of newspaper headlines saying how terrible this dark wizard is, which was done in harry potter but over the span of roughly 3 movies rather than 1 minute. Overall positives: the creature designs were fun, Jacob was rad, the humor was effective, the cgi wasn’t /that/ bad, newt’s hair was wavy af (and he was a hufflepuff, which I appreciate), and the costumes may get an Oscar nomination. As for the cons: so much panning, craning, and tracking that I could barely see what was going on due to low framerate, the first 10-15 minutes are a suicide squad level editing disaster, the pacing was weird at times, they revealed who the main antagonist was in his actual first scene, too many plotlines interweaved, inexcusably bad framing in a few shots, and the ending was a little bit Chekhov’s gun but was pretty much deus ex machina. This just didn’t feel as magical as the harry potter films and, like star wars 7, it feels like a failed attempt to recapture what made people love the franchise in the first place. It was a very flawed film but I still enjoyed it and will watch it again.

 Moana – 6 – VERY overrated but still good. How a lot of people felt about Frozen is how I feel about this movie. The animation was incredible, the voice acting was great, the songs were good (although not nearly as catchy or memorable as Frozen, save for Shiny) and it ends up being another Tangled, a movie I enjoyed but will forget about very soon—hell I’ve already forgotten about it. Just think about how long Frozen was a thing. People were talking about Frozen for months after and I haven’t seen anyone mention Moana since its opening weekend. Overall a huge disappointment. Zootopia was the far superior animated feature this year.

 The Handmaiden – 8 – my first Park Chan-wook film and I loved it ! This film is fucking enigma for the first half and then as soon as one detail is revealed it suddenly opens up and becomes an incredible psychological thriller. I honestly was not enjoying this film for the first act or so because of how seemingly meaningless it was but it really shaped up to be one of my favorites of the year. Never before have I experienced a film that made me 180 on opinion during the course of its runtime. Be warned: don’t see this with your parents or anyone you would feel awkward watching porn with because this shit is basically pornography at MANY points during the film. I don’t know if my friend and his brother have forgiven me yet.

 Unedited Footage of a Bear – 8 – there’s a tl;dr at the bottom of this one because it’s a little long and expository. I was watching an idubbbz video (https://youtu.be/5Bs45yITIt0) back in November and many criticized how unfunny and bizarre it was compared to his other content. People started to speculate that he was doing a metafictional series about his channel along the lines of alantutorial (https://www.youtube.com/user/alantutorial), a channel in which performance artist Alan Resnick plays a fictionalized version of himself who is depicted as a mentally ill young man obsessed with making tutorial videos. This alantutorial series is a commentary on poorly made tutorial videos that flood youtube, as well as social media in general and the overwhelming desire for likes, favorites, going viral, etc. after discovering Alan Resnick and watching all his videos I started to seek out his other content and I found this short film that aired as part of Adult Swim’s infomercial slot at 4 a.m. This may sound familiar to some as the timeslot for Too Many Cooks, which went viral. This short film, titled Unedited Footage of a Bear, can be watched here: https://youtu.be/2gMjJNGg9Z8 and parodies those commercials you’ll often see on tv about drugs that are peddled to mentally ill people without proper testing. This film depicts addiction as a force that can and will ruin your life, your family’s life, and will kill you if left unchecked. There’s an explanation you can watch here: https://youtu.be/_2e5ia9j0TA that explains it really well and is worth the watch. tl;dr: cool 10-minute short horror film about addiction by performance artist Alan Resnick – check it out.

Twin Peaks (Pilot) – 8 – it was good

 This House Has People In It – 8 – hey look another Alan Resnick short film. you can watch it here: https://youtu.be/x-pj8OtyO2I and the attempted explanation is here: https://youtu.be/mjBTAnCUbZc because this one is pretty complicated compared to footage of a bear. also worth the watch simply for the L O R E

 No Country For Old Men – 10 – one of the best movies of this century hands down. not sure if I rate it quite as high as There Will Be Blood though, which came out the same year. The Coen’s crowning achievement (although you could argue that title belongs to The Big Lebowski for reasons)

 Moonlight – 9 – a very heavy coming of age film about a young boy living in the south who attempts to find himself while growing up in an incredibly unforgiving environment. beautiful film and I’m excited to see it again. very very important film for LGBT issues.

 Nocturnal Animals – 8 – one of the biggest surprises this year. I LOVED this movie and it stayed with me for days. as soon as it started I made a mental note that I’d have to really pay attention to everything because I figured it would be heavy with metaphor and symbolism and boi was I right about that. Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal give great performances and I honestly can’t tell you the last time I got so emotionally invested in a film. people have criticized Adams’ performance as melodramatic and cold, which is the point because she’s not supposed to be likeable. the narrative structure is refreshing and fun to piece together and the visuals were pretty alright. my favorite part of this movie was piecing together all the metaphors (of which there are many) and figuring out what the events of the Nocturnal Animals manuscript (in the film) means for the characters. It’s been a very polarizing film apparently, which surprised me since it doesn’t really try to be anything more than it is. It definitely rewards close observation but I can’t guarantee everyone will like this one. I won’t say more because going into it blind is the best way but I do recommend it. Tense, emotional, gripping, funny. It’s good.

 x x x w i n t e r x x x

 Star Wars Rogue One – 8 – I really enjoyed this. I probably don’t need to say much because it’s star wars but this was the best star wars film since Empire Strikes Back in my opinion (although episode III wasn’t that bad). the characters were a little flat, some of the humor was out of place, and the first 30 minutes had bad pacing, but overall it was great. the action in this one was insane and I’m so happy that we finally got to see a proper space battle (and holy shit is it a good one). this has one of my favorite moments of the entire series and it actually feels like a star wars movie unlike episode VII.

 La La Land – 10 – I’m at a loss for words honestly. This movie is so fucking good. The soundtrack is incredible, the choreography is awesome, the cinematography is BEAUTIFUL, and the performances are wonderful. I could keep thinking of adjectives or I could just tell you to go see this movie as soon as you can. Best movie of the year hands down. LA has never looked so fucking good OH MAN please go see this movie you’ll surely regret it if you don’t. OH and we went to see this in the Vista Theater in LA, which was a once in a lifetime experience. See this in the most old-Hollywood theater you can because it actually improves it if that’s possible. Now there are some flaws, mainly in third act pacing, but it’s so enjoyable that it doesn’t matter.

 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – 10 – it’s a classic and could be considered a perfect film. not much to say but it’s definitely one of my favorites of all time. never gets old.

 Home Alone – 8 – this was the first time I watched Home Alone and I liked it.

 Assassin’s Creed – 6 – the neckbeard-y guy doing anime runs up and down the stairs of the theatre behind us really set the tone for this movie. I didn’t hate it but it was pretty dreary and I feel like almost nothing happened. I don’t think it translates to the screen well but it did capture the feel of the games, or at least the first one. Let’s just say after seeing this I went on a mission to watch at least one more movie so it wouldn’t be my last of the year.

 Swiss Army Man – 7 – the praise for this movie was a bit unwarranted. It’s really silly and touching but it wasn’t the modern masterpiece that everyone was saying it was. maybe I missed something but the corpse of Daniel Radcliffe farting is only tolerable and funny for so long. I will say that this is one of the most unique movies I’ve ever seen, so I’ll give it props for that, and the soundtrack was actually incredible. I enjoyed it very much and need to watch it again but it was alright.

Come Together – 8 – an H&M short film by Wes Anderson that can be watched here: https://youtu.be/VDinoNRC49c . It was cute and I guess it’ll hold me over until Isle of Dogs, which comes out in 2018 (no it won’t)

 The Lobster – 8 – this absurd commentary on relationships and their influence on society is just bizarre and has a wonderfully dry performance from Colin Farrell and, well, every other actor too. this film is just crazy and I really need to watch it again. Expect it to be on my next year’s list as well. TOP TEN RELEASED IN 2016 xxx 10 – The Nice Guys

9 – Hell or High Water

8 – The Handmaiden

7 – Don’t Think Twice

6 – The Witch

5 – Moonlight

4 – Nocturnal Animals

3 – Green Room

2 – Arrival

1 – La La Land honorable mentions: Captain Fantastic, Horace and Pete, The Neon Demon, Make Happy recommendations: Frances Ha, Mistress America, Over the Garden Wall, The World of Tomorrow, Midnight in Paris, Me, and Earl, and the Dying Girl, The Lobster and finally the award for worst movie of the year goes to ,,,,, SUICIDE SQUAD duh. In 2016 I watched 77 movies, which is terrible considering I watched 124 last year and 92 in 2014. That gap from September to November really killed me in that regard and hopefully it won’t happen again or for as long next time. Overall this was actually a pretty weak year for movies it seems. Looking at my top of the year list, it looks significantly weaker than last year’s which had The Revenant, It Follows, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl, Sicario, and Brooklyn. If anyone has questions or suggestions about anything I’d love to have a discussion so feel free. Here’s to another year of great movies. also if you’d like to follow me on twitter @thejoeydavis please do because I’m a huge slut for likes and I desperately want and need your approval. thanks for reading