#this isn't like a sad self loathing post

[laurelwinchester]

i've said it before and i will say it again. no one will ever love me the way the people at my dentist's office love me. i don't even love me the way they love me.

[mistress-of-vos]

I'd make a longer post (and maybe one day I will) but since Lore Olympus, the story that introduced me to webtoons is coming to an end I'd like to say something:

I can't believe it is considered problematic. It has to be one of the sweetest, fluffiest, simplest stories I have read (hence why I still like it, it's a relaxing read before bed) and somehow it got too "kinky" for mainstream. It's laughable.

Everytime I dare to click on their tag or look for the # on Twitter or FB I see people clutching their pearls as if Lore Olympus were brainwashing teenagers into marrying a non existent God of the dead and have babies with him. What the hell?

The fact that people think LO is too dark makes me laugh. A single episode of Rick&Morty, BoJack Horseman or HQS has way more explicit content and dialogue. In fact!!! If it were up to me LO would have gotten genuinely kinky!!! All it does is have some surface spicy tropes that get sugar coated to not make puritans awkward and tbh that's sad. LO and the author get terribly hated anyway for daring to portray the most common female fantasy.

And this all makes me laugh but also mad because you'd think LO at least has some genuine dark themes but no? At most we have Persephone's trauma due to Apollo's abuse and yet that topic is treated as a therapy pamphlet because people couldn't handle an imperfect victim. Hades is a wife guy who shows little to no anger. Hera was re written to be sort of a feminist so that people stopped being annoying about women having emotions.

LO is a sweet, simple story with tiny spicy things here and there that were eventually pushed aside because people couldn't handle it. I wonder how Rachel feels about this, because at the beginning the story was extremely spicy and the only crime was being published in a platform as webtoon, full of people who can't differentiate reality from fiction.

Is LO a masterpiece? Idk! I enjoy the story, it's very self indulgent for me, but I won't go and analyze every detail to see how it should be labeled as it's not meant to be a perfect media. It's meant to be an entertaining, nice story of romance and it does that job very well. This need to demand perfect writing while also crucifying authors over "dark" themes is ridiculous and contradictory.

And I keep wondering, if these people loathe LO so much, why dedicate all that time to the infinte posts they make about how they would have told the story? And all those re tellings are boring! It's always "So Persephone and Hades won't ever kiss here because she's a lesbian. Also he doesn't appear at all. And Demeter isn't an abusive mom! Oh and everyone is ugly because gods shouldn't be beautiful! And Apollo isn't evil he's uwu baby. And no toxic relationships here, Zeus is a good husband!"

Sweet Gaia, you guys wouldn't handle Saint Seiya having Athena in the body of a teenage girl with big tits and who's constantly in the edge of breaking her virginity vows. This attitude screams of jealousy and puritanism and both are disgusting.

TLDR: LO being too problematic for people is both funny and annoying. I wished it actually were as kinky and dark as people insist it is. I'd pay for a toxic romance, but that being said, I LOVE it very much as it is and it's nice to have a re telling that, while not pretending to be loyal to mythology, didn't go for a route of sanitizing all the myths. I hope that once it ends haters will move on and let real fans and the author alone. 🙏

[cry-ptidd]

Laura genuinely makes me so sad, like I cried all silly sometimes ago cause we have a similar past but I went on and she’s like you know..stuck and I wouldn’t want that for anyone :( even if she’s fictional and a killer. I just wish to be kind to her for a moment and tell her a lot of women or really humans feel her pain, that it didn’t turn all of us into monsters. I guess it’s why I’m attached to her because I get it I do, but also…why I hate characters that have SA in their backstory cause it’s really depressing. She’s an amazing character but I can’t help but still wish her punishment and somehow through it all. Peace. That she gets all the punishment she needs and gets some peace right after..a good for good slumber. Even if she doesn’t get that, or feel worthy of it.

This ask actually made me a bit emotional, im gonna be honest. It's one of the most sincere messages I've gotten i think? I am very sorry about what you went through and I will do the same thing you'd do for Laura and tell you to please remember you're not alone and that i believe in you as a person, and that you're still able to move ahead despite everything that's hurt you.

Laura is a character built on cruel irony and tragedy, and many of her aspects are an exaggerated version of views that i also have because of my own trauma (aversion to men, aggression, anger, spite, stubbornness) and the crimes and attitude that would make her an irredeemable character are here to kind of cement the fact she went way too far in her revenge and how being hurt an turn a person into a monster.

But, i rally have to agree with you. Holy FUCK do i pity her. She's not reveling in her evil, she's not actively trying to do more harm (not anymore), and she's just in a state of permanent self-loathing and isolation, where her punishment isn't satisfying to watch or even really clear. You don't really wanna root for her morally, you just kinda wish she'd just... stop. And take a long sleep. Just like you said, a proper, defined punishment, and then let her sleep.

I think this ask sealed the deal of me giving her a canonically somewhat "happy" ending? Maybe a mild one? Where she starts to settle down and indirectly heal alongside Integra and Seras post-canon. A household of damaged women growing alongside each other. Im sure her Creator can decide on a rightful punishment when she passes. Let's just give her a bit of leisure for now.

[hey-august]

Hi hii

Do you also write angst?

If so...I'm genuinely curious on what's your take if Buggy's partner was severely injured and in the verge of death in his arms.

Don't mind me,,just craving a freshly baked Buggy angst 🤡

-soupsprout

Ahhhh, sorry this took a bit!

I love angst, but I've only ever written relationship-angst. Like poor communication skills or intense self-loathing.

This was a fun one to try! Fun and painful! I kinda hurt now! 🥲 I hope it hits the spot for you, @soupsprout

The ending is ambiguous and there isn't comfort because I like the pain, but I have an idea for an uplifting ending and one for a painful ending. LMK if you're interested in hearing about either 😉

Edit: Sad ending here

WC: ~900 Warnings: NSFW - grievous injury & blood, Buggy x GN!reader, established relationship, angst no comfort

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ✩ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ✩ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ✩ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Injuries are inevitable during a fight, and this was a fucking ambush. The crew was bound to collect new wounds and scars when they started at a disadvantage. But when shit hits the fan, they’re relentless. This time, that was a bad fucking trait.

As the din diminished and the ship drifted into eerie post-battle quiet, Buggy found you sitting against a wall. The crewmates you fought alongside were also in various states of reprieve. Leaning on crates, crouching on the ground, some even laying down as they caught their breaths. But none of them were sitting in a growing puddle of blood. None of them looked as ashen as you did. The sticky red hand squeezing your leg told the story.

Ripping his bandana off his head, Buggy sprinted over to you and kneeled on the dirty ground. He peeled your hand back, exposing the gash. This was real bad. The placement was bad. The depth was bad. He could see the surge of blood come and go, following your heartbeats. Biting the hem of his bandana, Buggy tore it into strips and wound them just above the wound. Tight but not too tight - he remembered that much.

You winced as he tied a knot and tried to push his hands away. Adrenaline dulled the pain from the original wound, but all this extra shit was too much.

“Stop,” you whined, smearing blood from your hand to his wrist. 

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry. Just a little more, okay?”

“Don’t, Buggy…it hurts enough, just leave it.” 

“Fuck, no! Listen, we need to stop the bleeding. I have to…” 

Buggy didn’t know how to tell you that he needed to pack the wound and it was not going to be pleasant. It had been years since he had to dress a wound like this. He didn’t have to do this for himself since eating the goddamn Devil Fruit and his crew had a doctor to tend to the others. Right, a doctor!

Dragging the closest crew member over by the collar of their shirt, Buggy started shouting, “YOU! Go get the doctor, get a medic, fuck - just go get someone! Get fucking Mohji!”

The pirate scrambled to their feet and yanked another mate up to join him in a search for help.

“Mohji?” you repeated with a soft laugh.

“He can help. He takes care of Richie, maybe he knows-”

“I’m not a lion, Buggy. It’s not the same.” 

Your over-dramatic condescending tone could have fooled the pirate into believing you were okay if your voice didn’t shake. If you weren’t talking more with your eyes shut than open. If you hadn’t lost enough blood that it was seeping into the knees of his pants.

“I dunno, you’re as annoying as Richie.” 

You smiled but didn’t respond. 

Buggy glanced around the room, which was nearly empty. The only ones left were the ambushers who didn’t survive and anyone who couldn’t run through the ship. No one had come back with any fucking help, though. 

“Hey, keep your eyes open,” Buggy said, squeezing your cheeks. 

You did what he asked, but it took a few tries. Your eyes fluttered shut more than once before you succeeded in keeping them open.

“M’tired, Buggy,” you said in a low voice. A sad voice. A scared voice.

“You can sleep later. I’ll even let you sleep on my side of the bed, okay? Just stay awake for now. Captain’s orders!”

Another smile, softer than the last one. Even Buggy could hear the desperation cracking in his throat.

“I have to do one more thing to stop the bleeding, alright? It’ll hurt and then you’ll feel better. Take a deep breath for me, okay? You can do that?”

You nodded and inhaled. It was slow and stuttering as you tried to take in as much air as you could. Buggy waited until you were too focused on breathing before jamming a wad of torn fabric into the leaking wound. He winced as you let out a loud groan and your whole body stiffened in pain.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m all done. You did so good.” 

Buggy rushed to comfort you, pressing kisses to your forehead and wiping away the tears falling from your eyes with the back of his hands. Blood didn’t make him nauseous, but the sight of his palms stained red with yours did. Nauseous and nervous.

Your eyes were closed again. He asked you to open them. He asked again. They cracked open just a little. Enough to make him feel better and feel worse.

“Hey, what do you call a lion at the South Pole?”

“What?” Your head tilted and your brows tightened. You were thinking.

Buggy watched your lips move slowly as you repeated his question.

You opened your eyes a little wider and looked at him with as much confusion as you could muster. You shook your head slightly. 

“Oh, you don’t know?” he teased with a big grin. A fake smile to keep you distracted. “Keep thinking about it. If you just can’t figure it out, I’ll tell you when you get better. Alright?”

You mouthed an affirmative response, but didn’t make a sound.

“So it’s a deal? You’ll get better and then I’ll tell you the answer. You gotta get better, though, okay?” 

Buggy grabbed your hands, hoping you couldn’t feel how he was shaking. He wished he couldn’t feel how cold you were.

You nodded and closed your eyes to think.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I know you've touched on it in your Gamzee Essay/general alternative timeline post but may I hear some more about your ideas regarding GamTav (or only Tavros)? You get these two in a way the broader fandom doesn't (which is fine, I'll still reblog even the most vanilla ooc art of them) so I'd really love hearing more of your thoughts:3

Ok, I think this is going to be someeewhat controversial, but I think they're destined for pale together, despite Gamzee's initial flushed flirting. I did in fact reread ALL of Tavros's logs for this.

I think the first thing we need to establish is that Tavros actually feels really shitty about himself. It's obvious that his problem is "self-esteem," since he's constantly prattling on about it, but there's a bit he says as Tavrossprite that's pretty enlightening as to where his actions stem from:

TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY, TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS, TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD, TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES, TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT, TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN, TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,

He has a mixture of self-loathing and social anxiety, the latter of which exacerbates the former, as his mind tells him that his friends secretly hate him. However, his real problem is what he then does with those feelings - he avoids them and the situations that cause them. This causes two major knock-on effects: the first is that he actively ends up distancing himself from people who ARE nice to him and DO care about him, only adventuring with Vriska because he's a pushover and she's very pushy (he adventures completely alone up until that point, and winds up sleeping almost all the time afterwards); the second being that, because he refuses to actually sit with and address his negative feelings about himself (or anything else), he's never able to fix them, or remove himself from shitty situations.

Something consistent with Tavros is that every time he tries to make a decision before his death and Vriska-prototyping, it's by trying to rely on something external - whether that's his imaginary friend, his robot legs, or the story of Pupa Pan... or relying on advice from Kanaya, or seeking approval and forgiveness from Vriska, or earning flushed interest from Jade. He believes himself to be deeply flawed and untrustworthy, so he allows other people to make his decisions, and when relationships do get intimate enough that someone might get him vulnerable, he peaces out. Even his ill-fated attempt to kill Vriska is heavily encouraged by Vriska herself:

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE, AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU, AT: aND nOT AS STRONG, AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT, AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT, AG: Yeeeeeeees? AG: Go on. AT: i THINK, AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU, AG: Yeah! That's the spirit. AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start. AG: Tell you what. AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me. AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything. AT: oK, AT: tHEN, AT: hERE i COME, AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3

As we see with Jade, whom he's attempting to flirt with flushed, he's actively trying to impress her using "self-esteems" explicitly gained from "fake" things he's acknowledging as fake - that is, refusing to be genuine and vulnerable with her, because he doesn't believe anyone would like him the way he actually is.

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT, AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO, AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU, AT: iSN'T THAT, AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS, AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE, AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,

His "dating" Vriska in the dream bubbles is also dubious and one-sided at best, as John calls him out for faking it and Tavros isn't willing to bring up wanting the Ring of Life because he was planning to propose to Vriska. Thus, once more, he's attempting to use something disingenuous (in this case, a human proposal) to win another person's affection, which he believes would be a symbol of actualizing his "self-esteem".

We also literally see him do the "deciding someone wasn't actually important to you after all, so it hurts less when you cut them off before they can hurt you emotionally by noticing your flaws" thing with Nepeta - he actually quite likes Nepeta, and would certainly have enjoyed having her play the game with him, but he assures her that it's not a big deal basically immediately, and insists he'll just find someone else:

AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :(( AC: :33 < im not allowed AT: oH, AT: tHAT'S OKAY, AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN, ... AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING, AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM, AC: :33 < ok thanks :((

But, perhaps most strikingly, is the way he leaves his good friend Gamzee on read after Gamzee suggests... gasp... intimacy.

TC: WhEn wE Up aNd sTaRt tO KiCk aT ThIs rEd TeAm NoIsE, TC: YoU ShOuLd mAkE YoUr wAy tO GeT YoUr hAnG On aT My hIvE. AT: oH, yES, tOTALLY, TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu. TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe. AT: uH, TC: ;o) AT: , AT: ,,

It freaks him out, and he's never seen hanging with Gamzee again. And this is a huge shame, because not only is Tavros one of the only people who is nice to Gamzee and appreciates his religious beliefs, but Gamzee is one of the only people who hears out Tavros's genuine insecurities and desires without making fun of him:

AT: tHE ONLY THING MORE FLY THAN THE RHYMES, AT: i'M SAYING TO EXPRESS ALL MY MALICES, AT: iS THE ABILITY HE HAD i WISH WAS MINE, AT: iNSTEAD OF i GUESS, THIS EXCESSIVE PARALYSIS, TC: (lOoK OuT FoR ThE HoOk bRo!!!) TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS! AT: bUT HIGH, iN THIS CASE, hAS DOUBLE THE MEANING, AT: iT MEANS HE CAN FLY, pLUS DOES HIGH SELF ESTEEMING, AT: tHAT'S TWO THINGS HE HAS, tHAT i'D RATHER WERE MINE, AT: hIS TWO FLAPPY WINGS, aND hIS BIG HEALTHY SPINE, AT: oOPS, AT: tHAT'S THREE THINGS,,, TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!

(Compare:)

PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW, PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK, PAT: lYING DOWN, PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK, CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY??? CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

He isn't able to do a REAL self-confidence at least until he gives Vriska the bird and flies away, for the first time asserting that he thinks she's an asshole and doesn't actually want or need her validation or approval. After that, he's able to convince a ghost army to follow him using friendship and asking and niceness. Breath powers! Also Page powers! Also actual self-esteems! Although I don't personally hold anything after Game Over as anything more than soft canon, I think we can still see a fairly straightforward character arc reach a natural conclusion there.

But as to why I specifically think him and Gamzee are destined for pale, despite what appears to be flushed leanings from Gamzee's end, and despite the fact that I usually believe what the comic tells me, is because what brief few interactions we see between them are very much pale in nature, and it would be kind of narratively bizarre if Gamzee were set up to have a failed moirallegiance - the quadrant described as "soul mates" - without managing to find his real soul mate after. And who's it going to be? Equius? Or the guy that Gamzee literally says he feels "at chill with" talking to?

Gamzee kissing Tavros's corpse is often used as evidence for his desire for flushed, but I disagree - however Gamzee feels about Tavros romantically, kissing a dead player is how you revive them, so it reads to me - especially given how sad Gamzee is about Tavros dying - more like a desperate act to bring him back. Lest we forget, Terezi also gives it a try, and Karkat kisses Kanaya for the same reason - the reality that their extra lives are gone hasn't sunk in yet for these 13 year old kids, so they must try revival even if they know it won't work.

Moreover, Gamzee indirectly describes Tavros as his "best friend," after having called Karkat that through most of the game, and having an implied pale crush on Karkat during that time.

TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKING KNOW, BROTHER. TC: its the fuckin puppet. TC: THE ONE THAT'S ALL GOT TO BE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND I GOT NOW. TC: now that my other buddy managed to be having his head chopped off. :oC

Moreover moreover, what Karkat cites as being the cause of their moirallegiance's failure is Gamzee's religious beliefs:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.

Which are explicitly what Tavros invites Gamzee to speak on, and appreciates:

AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH, AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY, AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS, AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS, TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo. ... AT: dO YOU HAVE TIME FOR, mY MIRACLES, rELIGIOUS FRIEND, }:) TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, TC: FuCk yEs, HeReS WhErE ThE SlAm tUrNs tO NoThIn bUt hOnKs... TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk AT: HONK, TC: FuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk! AT: iT'S LESS APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO DO THE HONKS, tHAN YOU, bUT THAT WAS STILL GREAT, TC: YeAh, BrO. yEaH!!! AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

But also in Tavros's single conversation with Gamzee, we see Tavros stand up to a highblood:

TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk AT: }:o), hEH, TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO! TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT? AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST, AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO, AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE, AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS, TC: hAhAhAhA. AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT, ... TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH. TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA. AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT, AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,

He feels safe with Gamzee, enough to take a bit of an attitude with him, enough to open up about his insecurities about his disability and how much he wishes he was like Pupa Pan, and Gamzee explicitly states he feels calm when he talks to Tavros, which is the stated function of a moirallegiance.

TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA, TC: ThIs iS BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i fEeL So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu. AT: yEAH, fRIENDLINESS WITH YOU IS, pRETTY MUCH ALWAYS NICE, aND FUN TO HAVE,

And the thing is, trolls are constantly getting into moirallegiances when they want to be flushed (Eridan, Kanaya), having palecrushes when they want to be friends (Gamzee), and winding up flushed with their moirail (pale solfef is forshadowed in the same breath as pale erikar, and they don't seem to confirm a matespritship until after Sollux's actual flushed crush, Aradia, explodes). Especially for Gamzee, who was neglected by his lusus and struggles with social interaction to the point where he feels like he has to hide his real self (casteist beliefs, constant talk of religion and murder, which, by the way, come out when he talks to Tavros), it'd be easy for him to mistake the "instinctive attraction" of moirallegiance for the passions of matespritship.

These thoughts are all pretty disorganized - I'm really sorry, it's super late/early for me and I'm exhausted for other reasons - but I hope that that . was what you wanted? hahah

[seriousbrat]

I'm extremely unfair to Remus on this blog, the truth is fanon remus is personally offensive to me on many levels so I'm loath to give him protagonism of any kind lol. But that's not fair at all to a character that actually, when all's said and done, I do love. perhaps the marauder I'm least interested in (lol) but he still rates high on my list of fave hp characters and I honestly find him a very pleasant perspective to write from. he's just like some guy. his big crime is negligence/avoidance and I love that for him. to be honest I think his position is a difficult one to fully understand, he is a character that I'm able to muster up a lot of empathy for because of that. like can any of us irl understand what it's like to turn into a literal monster every month since childhood, the point-blank rejection and hatred from society, and what effect that might have on someone's psyche? it's interesting!!!

moony's worst hits, lets go:

remus tolerating the marauders' bullying: obv this was wrong. he was the only one who recognised it was wrong, and he tolerated it. he 'made them feel ashamed of themselves' sometimes per sirius, but honestly I can understand why he never spoke up. I don't think we should underestimate how rare the marauders' tolerance, not only tolerance but the lengths they went to to help remus with his condition was. for a teenager? I can only imagine how that must have felt tbh. he likely thought that he barely deserved their friendship and loyalty and that he was lucky to have it so why would he do anything to ruin that

remus not telling anyone about sirius being an animagus: bad lol, his worst moment probably. again, though, I can understand it even though I don't justify it. the trust dumbledore had placed in him, first to accept him at hogwarts and then again as a professor (we know how difficult it is for werewolves to find employment of any kind) and he just couldn't face betraying that trust. Luckily for Remus it turned out ok but it is kind of insane that he didn't tell dumbledore tbh.

remus not writing to harry: idc about this personally lol but to me it ties into remus's inferiority complex. he doesnt, and will never, see himself as anything like a father figure to harry the way sirius does. he barely sees himself as a worthy father to his own kid let alone the complex case that is harry. is that unfair to harry and unempathetic? yeah probs but also it makes sense to me even beyond the reason Remus gives in canon for not writing. He put Harry in terrible danger in PoA and given Remus's self-hatred he probably feels guilty about that lol.

walking out on Tonks: his other worst hit. But I can understand him, even though I think Harry was 100% right to tell him off. Again we've got this man's crippling inferiority complex, from what he says he thinks he's a burden and a curse to both Tonks and Teddy-- and you know what, society isn't exactly contradicting this belief. Obviously Tonks doesn't agree and that should be all that matters, but sometimes it doesn't seem that way. There's avoidance here (Remus's big flaw) and I legit think he thought he was doing Tonks a favour by disappearing on some quest with Harry and likely dying in the process. Interesting stuff but also very sad.

all this to say, I don't believe in "defending" characters, just understanding them, and even though I barely post about him I do find Remus very interesting, worthy of empathy in many ways. I'll admit the werewolf thing leads me to give him more of a pass than other characters just because I find that so horrible lol and feel so sorry for him but anyway. a good character in my opinion.

[aluria-sevhex]

HELL FUCKING YESSSSSSSS

hey if you wanna read all of my posts as i play through ISAT, they are all tagged as #Aluria plays ISAT for the first time (please don't spoil)

notes:

-aight i'm back yippee

-title theme my beloved

-i always find it so funny when an enemy tries to freeze Mira

-gonna try this boss again

-ok i think i'll just replay Floor 3 on this loop instead of looping forward after i find out another one of Bonnie's favorite foods so i can build up everybody's stats

-OH. BONNIE OVERHEARD THE DEATH CONVERSATION.

-heh Bonnie slapped Siffrin

-uh... the audio is REALLY ominous...

-oh, Bonnie...

-WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT DID I JUST LOOP SLIGHTLY BACK IN THE PAST?

-Siffrin you ok i don't think that was helping ur mental health issues your eye is covered in shadow in your dialogue portrait

-i will once again NOT kill Siffrin via anaphylaxis. i will take the fish head

-...i didn't. get info on Bonnie's favorite foods this time.

-ok according to the save screen that didn't count as a loop

-anyway time to try looping to get the Bonnie snack info

-hey... the Tear dialogue isn't as silly anymore (it just says yes or no without the 'looping time' or 'living time')

-hey i didn't skip any loops this time!

-time to kill this pair of assholes again

-"carry my ashes with you" aw that's a sweet dialogue option

-i am so tempted to kill Siffrin. but i won't.

-awwww... i talked to Bonnie and now Sif is comforting them

-ok how the fuck do i get the info. BONNIE PLS.

-hold up. does Siffrin no longer nod when zoning out? :((((

-WAIT FUCK DID I FORGET TO GET THE KEY ON FLOOR 2.

-...Mira's roommate. was learning to make bombs. why???

-lol Isa knows how to make a bomb

-Mira has anti-anxiety meds. this makes a lot of sense tbh

-...what are these papers for???

-so i decided to try using the silver coin since a person said that you can do something with it related to the croissant lore. and it said "you think about the Incident" or smth like that lol

-lol Sif forgot the term 'stuffed animal'

-idk why but it feels like a lot of Craft skills are like. slower. or have bigger cooldowns in Act 3. even tho i KNOW they don't and my brain is fucking with me

-ok the game accounted for the key thing

-in the bathroom again

-Sif is calming themself again and figuring out what to do

-Siffrin, self-loathing and calling yourself stupid won't help :(

-i zoned out at some minor dialogue but i don't remember what the dialogue was the first time so i am fucking clueless about what was going on with a choice i made. sorry Mira idk why i 'saved you' by smacking your mouth ;_;

-i love getting to obliterate weaker Rock enemies with Paper α V

-i have now gotten Sif to level 60

-sometimes it's nice to take a break and talk to Loop

-wait a sec. doesn't one of the lower floors have a sharpening stone?

-ok it's been a while and now i have everybody back to level 52. time to kick the asses of the 3rd floor boss

-ooo Odile got a new skill

-time for the last snack break!

-Bonnie's upset now because i didn't try the fritters D:

-time to face the King again... and hopefully talk to him

-welp. *that* didn't work

-oh nvm now i can ask him questions via the Craft menu!

-you. you can give the King the flower.

-yeah the characters have a point! why Vaugarde specifically?

-the King is NOT responsible but he says Siffrin has an odd smell. huh... the only other things where an odd smell has been noted is Bonnie saying the star crest Sadnesses smell odd... but if Sif had that smell then it would've been noticed sooner...

-dude. how rude to say that if Siffrin doesn't understand Time Craft they can't understand the King's methods. maybe i should read more on Time Craft in one of the libraries? or that one book on craftonomy...

-the "you have heard this before" for zoning out got more and more annoyed

-once again. what does the King need to say?

-hm i was talking to Odile and Bonnie piped in really excitedly that they have more pineapple in their pocket

-GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MIRABELLE I LOVE YOU BUT YOU STOPPED ISA'S CONFESSION ToT

-time to talk to Euphrasie and loop again ig

-hey what's that in her hair?

-"you inhale sharply, almost choking on the smell of burnt sugar around you" BURNT SUGAR BURNT SUGAR THAT'S THE SMELL OF TIME SHENANIGANS AS SEEN WITH THOSE SADNESSES

-SAY SOMETHING ELSE EUPHRASIE

-how do i get the familytale?

-ok i talked to Odile and i'm gonna help her!

-am i gonna have to go all over town for this?

lmao yeah i think i will

-oh hey the wizard-loving kid is named Manon

-oh my god. i have to go back to the boulanger

-FINALLY

-:O THERE IS NO RESEARCH???

-oh THAT'S why Odile is in Vaugarde

-oh... her mom left... all of her travels here have been to try to reconnect with that part of her...

-HEY SIFFRIN I AM ONCE AGAIN ASKING WHERE THE *FUCK* ARE YOU FROM?

-damn. bro has amnesia

-LMAO I ASKED MIRA ABOUT THE PAPERS AND THE BATTLE THEME STARTED

-...bonding proposals???

-oh my god Mira joined a dating website group

-"we have one of those at home"

-"oh, i don't have a type! i like all kinds of people equally!" is this in a bi way or an aro way

-YEAH AROMANTIC REPRESENTATION

-DIVERSITY WIN! THE KICKASS HANDMAIDEN WHO'S IMMUNE TO BEING FROZEN IN TIME AND THE SORT-OF CHOSEN ONE IS ARO!!! I FUCKING CALLED IT YEAHHHHHHHH :D

-oh, Mira :( you're not the problem you don't have to do anything like that you're not comfortable with

-hm this game is dealing with personal identity a lot

-:( :( :( oh, Mira...

-DIVERSITY WIN!!! THE SKETCHY WANDERER STUCK IN A TIME LOOP WITH MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS IS ACE!!!

-MY BLORBOS ARE ACE AND AROACE FUCK YEAH I AM SO HAPPY

-FUCK IT I'M POSTING NOW

SERIOUSLY THO I DON'T THINK I CAN ACCURATELY CONVEY HOW FUCKING HAPPY THIS PART IS MAKING ME. TWO OF MY FAVORITES ARE ACE AND AROACE HELL FUCKING YES

[archer3-13]

oh wow a fire emblem post after a lot of not posting about fire emblem. its been slow and i dont care too much about heroes, sue me.

i've come to the conclusion that people get too hung up on the idea of whether felix was right or wrong about dimitri when it comes to discussions on their character dynamics [it all tends to be very felix focused anyways]. I would say that at the end of the day, the story needs felix to be wrong in order to work as it does and theres no getting around that.

as a result however, dimitris side of that dynamic often gets overlooked i think and its a shame, cause i would say its the most important factor in how that dynamic works. cause well felix hurls all manner of verbal abuse at him, dimitri never disabuses felix of those notions even when he's trying his hardest to pretend everything is fine. he just takes the abuse, and i would argue thats far more important to the dynamic and speaks a lot more to dimitris core characteristics.

what dimitri is, is sad, traumatized, and possessed of an intense self loathing that blends together into a self destructive cocktail. its not just that the dead are haunting him, its that the dead are haunting him by calling him a pussy ass bitch in the most violent way possible, all the while everything falls apart around him. and his response to this is to try and repress that sorrow and trauma as deep as he possibly can, because he has too much to do, not enough time, and everyones counting on him.

what dimitri isn't, is possessed of a hidden darkness that can only be expressed in violent rage and general monsterousness/assholery. certainly he can express those things, but they're always symptoms of whats happening around him and in the story. the inevitable reaction of all that misery hes so deeply repressed exploding in violent reaction to the cruelty of the world around him. And it is importantly cruelty and injustice that he's reacting to, remire village, the holy tomb, the entire god damn war phase etc. its why dimitris story is always importantly intertwined with the idea of having others to support you and your burdens.

anyways, guess what end of the stick felix latches onto during the academy phase!!

its grimly funny in a way, but what felix is essentially playing with dimitri is purity politics. people often overlook that canonically he was a very sweet and gentle child before the tragedy, and that his aloof prickly i studied the blade demenour is just a crude imitation of glenns personality [but yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that hes dealing with glenns death better then rodrigue]. and he practically grew up alongside dimitri, who he only ever knew as a kind and gentle boy as well. then the tragedy happens and uproots everything in his life, so he tries to find that stability again by going with dimitri in their first battle.

and that's where he sees that violent reaction dimitri sorrow can elect. and like a true gamer, felix rejects the idea that his [pure, sweet, gentle] dimitri could ever do or be like that. it must be a monster in a humans skin, a boar prince.

and like the tsundere idiot he is, felix takes it as his own duty [consciously or not] to act as the jailkeeper for that wild animal that's taken his friends place. possibly its executioner even. because felix is too caught up in his own grief to see beyond that rage, a rage he rejects the "true" dimitri of being capable of.

and, wadda ya know. dimitri being caught in a violent spiral of self hatred and anger at the injustices of the world, does nothing to disabuse felix of these notions. because he feels like he deserves to be abused by felix, and also because its easier to brush things off that way and pretend everything is normal.

and i find that a lot more interesting to view the relation between the two in and how it develops over the games story.

[janus-cadet]

So, I've been watching Hazbin Hotel, and Helluva Boss.

Loved it. Therefore, obviously, to none of my friends' surprise, I added the fandom in that nonsensical tarot project of mine- and it starts with Lucifer, the short king himself, as the Five of Cups.

(The Devil was already taken, which both caused me immense amont of dismay, and just as much relief, because that version of Lucifer does NOT fit the Devil card as much as he could.)

Now, under the cut (only for the braves who can handle a long post spoken in broken english), the mandatory explanation for the choice of the card and the composition.

A joyous card, isn't it! Ahah? Totally. Let's get right into it.

The Five of Cups, Upright, often appears in a reading when a situation hasn't turned out the way you expected, leaving you sad, regretful and disappointed. I mean, you just gave one (1) apple to humanity, just to give them free will, and look what they did with it! What the hell, literally! You are blaming yourself, and instead of moving on with your life (despite the small inconvenience of being banished to an endless pit of evil and horror), you ar choosing to wallow in your self-pity. All you can focus on right now is what went wrong and how you failed. You're stuck in the past, and you can't let go; old wounds you never closed are keeping you from trying to create some positive changes. Which is why the card is here: to help you forgive. Forgiveness, to others and to yourself, is the only way you'll be able to release yourself from your sadness and disappointment. Remember that foresight and wisdom in the present moments comes from mistakes of the past: reflect on what led you to this point, and try to find something positive by reflecting on the lessons learned. You can rebuilt, you still can challenge an unfair system, despite everything! New possibilities are waiting for you, as shown by your daughter. You just have to be ready to accept it. Shift your mindset and focus on what can go right from this point forward.

Reversed, the card suggests that you might look at yourself specifically as a failure. You are stuck in a loop of self-loathing, and can't bring yourself to open up to others about those feelings. The reversed Five of Cups card is here to encourage you to open up: people around you may not see how much pain you're in right now, so don't be afraid to ask for help or talk to someone you trust.

You cannot undo the past, and just as Lucifer at the end of the first season, you are starting to accept that. You are slowly discovering how to be open to the new opportunities and ideas shown to you; you are finally starting to be more hopeful anout the future. You may not be fully okay again, you might still be in pain, but you are taking the first step: the card encourage you to keep doing so. Focus on the bright side. Not all is lost!

Lot of talks already, so I'll quickly go over those. The cups (that I spend too long on for such a small detail in the whole piece agh agh) are, as I drew them, a symbols of the regrets and the remorses felt. The regrets are the titled, broken cups: Lucifer's marriage, his relation with his daughter, and the dreams he had as an angel. Three things that feels like they are lost, damaged beyond repairs- but that are, in fact, still within reach. The content hasn't even spill yet. The remorses are the acts that can't be undone, and the effect on the vision he has of himself- the bitten apple, and the beastly devil that can't be trust. Those are te things he keeps blaming himself for, and the source of the self-loathing he's stuck into. But! He's turning his back on them, as a way to show he is not as linked to those things as he thinks he is. One is a thing of the past, the other is merely a shadow of who he is- what's important is what lays in front of him.

And that's it for today! You're still here? Dang, you're resilient. Thank you very much, hope you enjoyed this. And you're just in time for a little ending poll!

See, I started two other WIPs while drawing Lucifer. Therefore...

[toomanysubcultures]

it makes me so mad that people say that quentin quire should never have been rehabilitated bc thats kind of shitty when you think of what he represented

he was basically an alt-right poser that got pushed to that level of radicalism bc he lost the one part of his identity that had remained constant and also sophie didnt want to date him, finding a new identity in hierarchy, raw power, and co-opting a whole subculture

but its important to portray that people like that can change??? like rehabilitation cant just be for people we like it also has to be for people we despise

bc one of the main things that pushes people even further down the pipeline is social isolation and abandonment

ive seen it happen to a lot of people in my real life and its honestly really sad, the way that alt-right propaganda makes you externalize your own insecurity and self loathing onto everyone else, and the only way to fight that is to surround the person with people who give a shit about them and want to see them change and grow, not just shutting them out and shit

not to say that minorities have to give their time to fascists to try and convince them to not be facists but yk

this isnt to say that critiquing how his redemption was executed (i feel like post-riot quentin never really confronted the fascist-y stuff he was on and that's just not good, also i feel like he was kind of watered down to just "annoying gifted kid") but i do think that at least showing that hatred isn't permanent is a nice idea

esp since a lot of comic fans are kinda leaning to that anti-sjw alt right-y scene, so having a character like that could maybe connect with people not all the way down the pipeline and pull them out

idk if im being an idiot rn or if im cooking but yeagh,,

[maespri]

like a dog

hi i'm just joesara posting. that's all this is. like. man i love joesara. i can see them both romantically and platonically and either way their relationship is just. so beautifully devastating.

like here is sara, who is always doubting herself. and then joe, who's always countering her self-loathing. sara, who thinks she's too intense and hurts people too much. joe, who tells her that it isn't always a bad thing. sara who can't forgive herself for his death, who blames herself for pointing out that he wasn't the sage, who begged miley to let her switch places with him. and joe, who just tells her she's his best friend and he loves her when he's about to die. who tells everyone they're his friends, that he doesn't blame them.

joe, who carried around a dog keychain sara got him in his pocket for ages, who has accessories with bones on them, who tells sara he will stay loyal to her, "like a dog." who walked back to school after going on a date with her best friend, a date during which he just talked about her, because he knew she was scared of her stalker, who went to the fair with her in her minisode because of the same reason. this guy who sees her "flaws" as her strengths and supports her in whatever she decides to do.

i think the fact that she doesn't realize just how important he was to her until after he's gone is what gets me. he was always telling her she's his best friend, but it's not until she's talking to a robot version of him that she finally gets to reciprocate that, and i just know she'll always be carrying around so many "i wish i told him"s in her heart. but what i think is also so beautiful about her overcoming some of that grief and moving toward acceptance (at least in the emotion route) is that she realizes joe wouldn't blame her.

and i don't think it's entirely because of his AI. it's because she knew him.

sure, it's his AI that tells her that- but sara is well aware that isn't him. what she does finally realize in that moment, however, is that the real joe would forgive her. that he wouldn't be mad at her. that he doesn't blame her because that's not the kind of person he is. she forgives herself because of her own internal strength and memories. she forgives herself because he loved her no matter what.

and she keeps going. she lets go of the blame, but she doesn't lose those good memories she had with him. she lets what she learned from him strengthen her rather than hold her back. she internalizes the same things he always said to her and uses it to become better herself, to uplift the people around her who are still alive. she decides she's going to do everything she can to keep everyone alive because she doesn't want anyone to go through the same thing she did after losing joe. he's carrying her, he's carrying the narrative, long after he dies. spreading goodness.

they're eternally devoted to each other, even beyond the grave.

i Just played her minisode for myself (after watching it some time ago) and i was struck with all these thoughts about them once again. i think what especially gets me is the fact that i think sara did have a crush on him and just. didn't have enough time to sort through her own thoughts, or tell him. there are so many moments, both in her minisode and in the game, where i think it shines through. and that's just another "what-if?" she may not realize for a while, but will always be in the back of her head.

i don't think grief is nearly as... "simple," for lack of a better word, as it's kind of shown in your turn to die. i do love the portrayal of it for what the situation dictates, but if/when sara ends up getting out of the game, and all the survival instinct wanes and she has time to fully process it... i feel so bad for her. there's nothing that won't remind her of him. there's nothing she won't miss. there's nothing she won't wonder about. all of that, it just. god it all makes me so sad.

i don't like when people say "move on" when referring to grief. i think that implies leaving it behind, and if you ever really love something, i don't think it's possible to just put it down and leave it there. but i do hope it gets easier for her to carry it around with her the same way it briefly began to in the death game.

anyway. in the end, it really just comes down to a very simple tragedy; two best friends who would do anything for each other only having the option of doing nothing.

yeah i'll be thinking about them for a while

[hisui555]

Hazbin Hotel Thoughts : Alcohol !

Why yes I saw you click faster than lightning hits a metal kite during a thunderstorm. But I swear it's not clickbait - unlike Vox, I legit try to make things worthwhile.

Alcohol Part 2 here (Vees + Overlords)

Alcohol Part 3 here (Heaven's side)

Masterpost here

So we've had the cast with kids, with a drawing gift, with pets, the natural next stage of that particular road would be indulging in everyone's favorite poison. Ladies, gents and thanes, I present you : the cast when DRUNK.

(Might have multiple parts, as usual, so here's the Hazbin crew).

Courtesy of Husk who has spilled the tea in Ep 4, we have a good idea of how some of the Hazbin Hotel's crew looks like when at least drinking enough to the point of being drunk. Thank you, Husk, a toast to you, Mr Bartender, whomst without this post wouldn't exist.

A note before we begin : this is Hazbin Hotel. There are mentions of substance abuse (and sex) on the regular. Obviously, I personally don't condone them, but I ain't censoring squat about it : it wouldn't even make sense to do as if it was a not-R-18-rating squeaky-clean animation. If you're offended or intimidated, chances are, you shouldn't be watching the show to begin with. I mean, c'mon.

Charlie apparently gets rather emotional (I mean, more than usual, so kudos for managing that), to the point of spouting her insecurities, which allows Husk to say (and mirror what Alastor said) that she "would rather solve everyone else's problems than her own". Apparently the Daddy/Mommy/Parents Issues (TM) come out, making her somewhat an "emotional/complainer" type of drunk. While she doesn't seem against drinking in general - unlike Vaggie in the pilot - even asking Adam if he'd "never had a drink after a hard day", like everything Charlie does you can bet she sees it as a convivial, gathering event to spend time with friends and relax a bit : contrary to her general demeanor and what her puppy-dog eyes let show, she is a grown adult afterall (and over 200 years old, for the reminder).

For her alcohol resistance, well, it's unknown how many drinks she had until she got tipsy enough to let everything pour out, but it shows that, Princess of Hell or not, she's not immune. I would bet a normal threshold on her, someone that has a progressive slipping into drunkeness the more she drinks, instead of getting blackout wasted after two glasses. She'd potentially start feeling the effects after 5 shots or so, and at 15 she's probably wasted.

Vaggie seems to have a sterner relationship with alcohol in the pilot, but in the series proper, does accept drinks and to drink with friends, or if alone, to drink to the point of being drunk at the bar, turning into a self-loathing wreck (also a hint of her past at the time) according to Husk, being a "sour, pessimistic" type of drunk. All her failures and what she hates about herself come back out in the open, so there might be some kind of "sad" type too, suggesting her whole attitude becomes kind of morose and toned-down, with some of her guard dropping. This also shows that her being an ex-Exorcist and fallen angel doesn't make her immune either, though like Charlie it's unknown how many she had before slipping into the realm of drunkeness.

Potentially, given that her guard dropped somewhat (which for someone so defensive, is pretty telling), her alcohol resistance might be lower than Charlie's. Vaggie isn't the type to party recklessly and is more careful in general, so her getting drunk implies she needs fewer glasses to achieve that state. Give her around 6 or 7 shots and it would hit her like a freight train, methinks.

On the other side, Ep 6 shows that Angel can hold his alcohol (and drugs) pretty well : this is someone that's used to party like no tomorrow (see Poison), especially to escape his everyday afterlife. He's fairly functional unless extremely coked up, and the scene at the Consent nightclub shows him indulging in drinks and still have enough of a head on his shoulders to look after Niffty and recognize a bad situation when there's one. Ep 4 shows how he looks when drugged up at the bar with the sharks, where he's mostly the "ecstatic and devil-may-care" type cranked to eleven, but there enough to also notice his drink was spiked - he just chose to let it happen (thankfully, Husk was there to intervene), and the conversation he has with Husk right after shows how aware enough he is of his surroundings, feelings, and of people around him.

Addict and Poison show both how he rides the wave and chooses to let himself get lost in the feeling as a semi-conscious coping mechanism, but also show the cracks in the mask. He's like someone deciding to laugh at a joke to deliberately make the endorphin kick in and relax, taking his mind elsewhere while his body runs on another circuit. Underneath it all, he's painfully aware of what's going on, and when the rush ends, doesn't have the solace of chosing to give into the fuzz anymore, so he quickly seeks another one. When breaking out of that destructive spiral and just drinking for fun, Angel seems to be mostly himself, and being quite the "happy, audacious" type of drunk, which doesn't change much compared to his everyday (maskless) personality - note that with the right people, he doesn't play up the promiscuitous side of himself as much as usual, because he knows he doesn't need it (and that Valentino is wrong in saying he's only worth sex). As he himself says, sex isn't the only thing he's good at.

He'll need to drink quite a lot to be at least tipsy, and even more to be absolutely smashed, so expect at least 20 shots. Yup, he can and will drink you under the table.

Husk is a certified alcoholic ("Cheap Booze" scene in the pilot) and says so himself in Ep 4 : "You can't find the solution to your problems at the bottom of a bottle. I would know, been looking there for a long time." In Ep 6, he's shown being against drugs (or at least the self-destructive method Angel uses them, since he's trying to break out of it, so Husk might have more problems with Angel relapsing into his old destructive ways than getting a kick-up for fun - this is Hell afterall) but not drinking for partying : he can be seen guzzling down bottles on the regular and at the Consent club whops down two shots at the same time. People, you've found your master : that 70s grandpa can take you down anytime. Given that he is (or at least used to be) a gambling addict, one can bet that in the past, the combination of the two didn't helped in making good decisions, but despite being a semi-constant lethargic grump, Husk seems fairly functional on the day to day - and probably grumpy enough to overpower catnip by sheer force of cynism.

Chances are, Husk as we know him is more or less in a semi-permanent drunken state (given how he flops over his bar and leans on his bottles while lizard-blinking his way through the day, seems very likely) that makes him more or less very resistent to further effects : to have him blackout hammered would require unholy amounts of alcohol I don't even want to think about. Might even beat Angel on that one.

Alastor, by Mimzy's account, could even in his life "drink like a sailor and then keep up on the dancefloor" with her, so he seems to have a pretty high tolerance, or at least be physically coherent enough. At the same time though, he "turns into a kitten" with a few fingers of rye, so I'm kinda picturing him as being his dapper, elegant self... while also slurring his words more than Shirley McLain or Ozzie Osbourne. There was a Hunicast where Michael Kovak and Edward Bosco played a drunk Angel and Alastor as per an ask prompt, and Edward gave us a nice insight on what a drunk Alastor would look like : exceptionally cheery, a bit stumbling on his words, with some disjointed thoughts (from memory : "Angel did I ever tell you you were a swell - a sssswell fellow ? [Angel/Michael answering something but getting cut in the middle by a sudden : ] PASS THE COURVOISIER !"), which kinda brings up the "love everyone/finds everything swell" type of drunk, and on Alastor, it's hilarious. It doesn't mean he'll genuinely love the people themselves, but just likes being around them and as the gentleman he is, will dish out compliments to you, the local barman, that unknown person trying to climb the curtains and the coatrack in the corner. He'll turn outright jolly and cheerful at everything, but don't think that makes him any less dangerous. He'll just tear you apart while giggling like a little kid on a sugar high and with just a bit less poise than usual.

Basically, in a physical sense nobody would know he's drunk until he opens his mouth and starts praising everything to high heavens in that unimitable style of his, just less backhanded and more straightforward, and I can picture at least one conversation going as following : "Alastor is... being actually nice ?" "...Oh shit, he's balls-out wasted." Expect him to empty a whole bottle to get to that state. Here you have it, ladies, gents and thanes, Alastor of all people is a happy and funny drunk.

Niffty has shown, in Ep 6 and all its glorious state, that she's a lightweight, to the point of even Angel commenting on it and preventing her to have more : "she's like, ten pounds soaking wet !" and he's not wrong - 4 glasses and she's absolutely gone, cycling through various stages and behaving crazy...er. She's a mix of "hyper", and "emotional", given how she starts bawling when she hearing that she's a mess (which, again... not wrong). Also a bit of "hallucinating" or "slow" type of drunk, since it takes her a while to notice she has changed locations and isn't at the Hotel anymore. While others stick more or less to one type of drunkeness, Niffty hits the whole spectrum, sometimes even all at once, and with the force of a wrecking ball hitting a matchstick jenga tower. It's like a crazy pendulum swinging on all direction axis, a screwy tailspin of half-baked thoughts dictating impulses and, well, not that much different from her habitual self, but on normal she can focus on her tasks. Drunk ? She's a spastic caffeinated squirrel in traffic that has just taken a nice long inhale of, uh, snow.

Getting her passed-out torched is very easy, and if nobody's careful, she'll accidentally do it herself : downing a glass of what she shouldn't even begin to poke at with a ten-foot pole, and keeling over stiff as a board, dead to the world for at least half a day or a full night.

Pentious getting drunk also shows in Ep 6, and exhibits traits of "slow" and "disjointed", or "zoned out" - he slurs his words or drags them ("Heeeeyy...!" to Cherri) and has problems with physical coordination (sliding and flopping down from his seat onto the floor headfirst), while being woozy and fuzzy in the head and badly aligning thoughts (mixing badly with his crush on Cherri). Pentious is somewhat Bad Ideas Incarnate when drunk, though to his own detriment only mostly ("Because... I'm buying everyone a drink/having sex with everyone !"), and again, the proximity of Cherri isn't helping. Otherwise he seems somewhat functional - if unsteady on his feet (snake tail ?) - after a while, like calibrating better after spending some time getting used to the room spinning. He's seen participating a bit in the drinking contest, and does have a few glasses to his name, so my guess is that he isn't used to drinking often and would be around Vaggie's tolerance for alcohol : 6 to 8 before starting to see double.

Cherri is a hard-drinking party girl, she seems to have good tolerance, and it would also take a lot to get her bombed (hah) out of her mind. Also a drug user, as seen, again, in Ep 6, though she's more down for a blast (heh) than anything else. With her fiery (snerk - okay I promise it's the last one) personality, her being drunk doesn't change her much, just taking it to new heights, so she's more a "personality cranked up" type of drunk. I'm already an asshole on my side, imagine if I were to drink. She's in for fun, drink contests ("competitive" type and "funny" type fit her too) and just spending a good time, letting loose and allowing snap decisions just for the hell of it, which corresponds to her general lifestyle ("In fact, I'm gonna fuck the next guy I see !"). Alongside Angel, she will drink you under the table, and will need to scarf down a lot of glasses before feeling and showing the effects. Might have trouble to stop once she gets started, but enjoys every moment of it, and even if she's an enabler (see her trying to get Angel to take drugs again, even if it's a misguided attempt to 'help' him because it's the Angel she knows, also not being against Niffty trying to drink more) probably knows her limits too : she's still aware enough to recognize and rightfully call out Valentino as a threat and a "fucking dickhead", and to check on Angel multiple times to make sure he's having fun ("you're here to relax, not playing nanny !"), showing her loyal but irresponsible side.

She might encourage others to drink and let loose even if it's counterproductive at the time, but always backs off when told "no" and respectfully accepts their choices even when already having a few drinks in her, so she's not a confrontative type of drunk either. Again, might need around 15-20 shots to start feeling it and become explosive (...I may have lied) but in a fun way.

Lucifer might be the King of Hell, but as Charlie and Vaggie demonstrate, being angelic or part-angel doesn't make anyone immune to alcohol. I can see him being incredibly hard to get wasted (even more than Husk)... or actually getting wasted sooner than anyone thinks, but he's such a goofy oddball already that it doesn't show and nobody realizes until the end of the party, where he frog-blinks into the void and the next stiff breeze knocks him over and straight on his back like a falling billboard. Even when he opens his mouth, it doesn't show, because everyone is used to his inane ramblings : one word, ducks. He'll be the "funny" and "depressed" drunk at the same time, saying the saddest and most disturbing shit with a cheerful voice and jolly demeanor, but most of all the "rambling" and "embarrassing" type of drunk : Charlie better take cover because those baby stories and pictures will leak out to everyone's except her delight. They might try to get Lucifer to drink more to squeeze more info out of him... though he has surprising bouts of lucidity in-between, and nobody knows when. He'll also deny being drunk but ask what that clown-dragon is doing on your shoulder in the same breath.

Husk might find his match (at least on the surface), and the real challenge comes to knowing when he has hit his threshold. The Hazbin crew might make a game out of it, because while Lucifer can hit a lot of the drunkeness spectrum following how he cycles through emotions (having depression doesn't help), he's the "secretely drunk" type for sure.

Next parts will be, as usual, the Vees + the Overlords, and Heaven's side. Might even do something about the following results, lemme place an evil grin here, hangovers.

Again, Masterpost here.

Edit : here's the clip with Edward Bosco playing Drunk!Alastor (with Michael Kovak as Angel Dust) at a Hunicast. While the animatic is the channel owner's entirely, the voice clips belong to the voice actors.

[noellevanious]

more sad venting below

i don't really know what to do with myself at this point. lots of stuff in my life is going wrong (and i deserve most of it).

i wish i could say these breakdowns i've been having are just a weird emotional overloads that are gonna go away soon, but i feel like my mental state has gotten worse in every way, some worse than it was before 2022 when i transitioned.

i've got a lot of friends, and i appreciate the followers that do reach out to me to try and cheer me up, but i dunno. i spend pretty much every day at this point just sitting in my chair at my desk feeling sad, not wanting to do anything. i did that before, but at least i had the urge to play videogames, or try and do something. at this point i just pray somebody messages me and refresh tumblr, wondering when i'll break down again and trying to fight it back.

i want friends to reach out to me and offer to hang out or be a shoulder to cry on, but the people that do aren't the ones that i "want" to reach out to me (which is unfair to them), and the ones i do want to reach out don't and haven't for years, if they ever did in the first place.

i'm a social butterfly, but i'm also an awkward lonely transfem that isn't even out publicly, in a city where i have basically no friends. i want to visit friends more, but i don't have the money and my job can't really let me do that, so i'm just spinning my wheels. i get jealous when i see or hear friends talk about their social experiences, but i don't do anything to solve the issue, and just stew in my own pathetic self-loathing.

i've been a shitty girlfriend, i've gone back to completely despising my body and self image even though i'm going to the gym almost every day, aside from my job i don't even really know what the future holds for me. i have almost no money even though i work full time, we might get evicted from the house we live in, i live with family members that essentially suck me dry like leeches in every sense, and i can't even really get "sad" or "Angry" normally.

i promise i'm not spiraling again, it's not fair that i do it so much, but all the worst parts of me are coming out and i don't have anything redeemable right now, the only thing i know to do is post about it and hope somebody hears the cry for help.

if you unfollow me for all this sad posting i don't blame you. i can only do so many cries for help without it just turning into a droning whine nobody wants to hear from a perpetually sad loser.

[officialcreepypastareheated]

What your favorite Reheated Pasta says about you.

Y'all eating well today. Last one focused on if you crushed on them so here's for the folks who aren't too mentally ill. (Oh who am I kidding this is the Creepypasta fandom.)

Jeff Harrison

So how are those anger issues and the self loathing treating you? Having fun?

You either loved him back in the day, you like his Hodek inspiration, or you're just sad and relate to him.

Dw me too.

Leo Harrison

Wooo you listen to Marina don't you? Hon you can't hide the golden child issues from me.

Also, not everything is your fault and you shouldn't torture yourself over your mistakes for your whole life.

Also not everyone's issues are yours too. Take time for yourself and to sort out your own stuff.

Smile Dog

You like dogs.

Yeah I actually don't entirely know what to put here.

Doggy :)

EJ

Autism.

Btw you don't have to succeed at everything the first time, or ever really.

Do what makes you happy, not what others tell you should make you happy. Y'know unless that thing is actively hurting you.

SeedEater

You just liked the character and story back in the day and ngl me too.

There's actually not much to change, the original concept was pretty solid.

This isn't even a part of the post I just wanna say I think SeedEater is a cool monster.

LJ

Clown

Liking LJ is based.

You are based and probably a really cool and sweet person.

B.E.N

You scare me.

That is a neural network of CULTISTS.

You're either cool and smart with tech/gaming or one of those tech-bros which in that case ew go shower.

Ben/Sally

Here is a warm blanket out of the dryer and a cookie.

You are such sweethearts, usually folks with CPTSD or are kids, and y'all deserve hugs.

Unless you're a weirdo then I hope you get used as a volleyball in prison.

Slenderman

The difference between the simps and the normal fans are actually so odd but honestly kind of expected.

Either you're chill and just think the photos are cool or are ancient (respectfully) and was in the private Reddit forum.

Please watch Marble Hornets with me. <3 (I actually have a CRPR disc server please join so we actually can. :,3)

Jane

LETS GO LESBIANS!!!!

LETS GO!!!!

But fr she's an icon in the community. She strutted so the other girlies can follow along. If she's your favorite then you are actually the coolest person... and a girl kisser.

Nina

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Clockwork

Okay, this is gonna be controversial. You're either pretty cool... or you have your issues.

BUT those are issues that can be worked on and you just need some patience and love.

Either way you're getting a hug cmere hon.

Buddy

You're one of my friends.

Hey guys.

When are we gonna play Roblox again?

[solvicrafts]

I have a lot of Jarlaxle feelings

spoilers under the cut for Lolth's Warrior

So this post isn't going to ONLY be about LW, it's also about just the whole series entirely, but man oh man these are some fresh wounds that need healing.

Something that really, really gets me about Jarlaxle is that there is a deep undercurrent of self-loathing that he makes a point of hiding in favor of playing up his hedonistic qualities and/or hyper-fixating on trying to make everyone else's lives better.

He puts on this act of the carefree dashing rogue and even to this day, among some of his closest friends, he still manages to mostly fool everyone. It really pains me that Drizzt was really the only person offering Jarlaxle the support he needed when he was losing Kimmuriel. Obviously Dab'nay herself was traumatized (and who tf can even blame her?!), so she gets a pass, but the only real acknowledgement of Jarlaxle's loss after the fact is from Quenthel, and she's merely stating a fact and not offering anything on an emotional level (which I also can't blame her for, given their very immediate circumstances)

Other than Drizzt and Quenthel, nobody acknowledged the weight of Jarlaxle's loss or even that Kimmuriel is gone!

Jarlaxle spent the end of the book negotiating to save nearly 3,000 people, leading them to a better place, and making arrangements personally to help out people around him -- Dinin has rejoined Bregan D'aerthe and has even reconnected with Drizzt and Zaknafein, Zak is going back to Callidae with Jarlaxle's blessing to go settle down and have the life he always wanted (and Jarlaxle himself wants, but will never tell anyone), Drizzt and Catti are reunited, Ravel is working with Gromph, and hell Jarlaxle's even thinking about finding a place for Quenthel to settle down.

This man has lost so much and is watching everyone around him move on with their lives and a majority of them are ABLE to do that *because of him* and the sacrifices he (and Kimmuriel) made.

This SHOULD be a moment of triumph for Jarlaxle because

HE DID IT!

He saved thousands of his people from the Lolthites.

He got Dinin back! And he got to reintroduce him to his family and take him back into BD!

He got Braelin back, and he gets to see Braelin and Azleah be happy and in love!

He managed to accomplish things he NEVER would have thought possible a few centuries or even one century ago. And yet it all rings hollow because he lost his other half.

And no one cares enough about HIS feelings to check in with him. Everybody's just moving on. And sure, I know part of this is because there are some time jumps and Bob had to wrap the book up, but I also know that if there were significant exchanges between these characters, something would have been included.

It just makes me incredibly SAD because the thing is, Jarlaxle spends nearly all of his time and energy on trying to make other people happy, and this isn't some sudden new characterization for him.

WHICH MAKES IT FUCKING WORSE

Because on some level Jarlaxle has always been intensely preoccupied with trying to create a better world for people around him, he just wasn't always in an environment where he could be so open about that, and it's especially evident that he closed himself off emotionally all the more after losing Zaknafein.

And if you thought *that* wasn't heartbreaking enough, just consider how frequently he puts the people around him up on a pedestal.

He increasingly references Drizzt, for example, as being his major inspiration and outright blames him damn near every time he does something good or nice for someone, like he doesn't really believe that HE, HIMSELF has those noble traits. No no no, they all come from Drizzt.

Except that they DON'T, because Jarlaxle has always had a very generous heart, he just was not always in a position where he could live by it.

Jarlaxle knows that he's sexy, he knows that he's smart, he knows that he's resourceful and all that.

But does he know how amazing he is as a person? Does he truly know what he brings to the table on his own merits? Does anyone ever bother to TELL him these things, other than Kimmuriel and (rarely) Drizzt?

It's genuinely soul-crushing. This man gives and gives and gives, and I know he has people who like him and even love him, but they don't communicate that and they don't prioritize communicating it. And they certainly don't prioritize his needs.

I hope that changes in future books (if there are any; Bob isn't currently under contract to write more, per his AMA, but that could change) because the man seriously needs and deserves it.

If Kimmuriel can still show him support from beyond the grave, what's everybody else's excuse?

[sirlordevil]

Hey, little post for people who know others who are struggling with self-harm. Here's some dos and do nots for supporting them.

DO NOT react to them opening up about it by telling them that if they do it, you'll do it too. Doing this just makes them lose trust in you, and they will likely not open up about it to you ever again. I cannot stress enough how fucked up this is to say to a person.

DO ask them if they're thinking about doing it now and / or are somewhere safe. You need to prioritize their current well-being. Remember, not only is self-harm a coping mechanism, it's an addiction to many. Saying, "Oh my gosh, that's awful, please stop. I really care about you." Isn't going to make them put it down. In fact, in some cases, it might make them want to do it more. It's not because they don't love you or anything its more so a mix of reverse psychology and unceasing self-loathing, numbness, anxiety, etc.

DO NOT wrist check them. This is invading personal boundaries, if not explicitly requested of you to do. Again, this can result in a loss of trust and build-up resentment towards you.

DO ask how they're doing or feeling and let them know they aren't a burden to you. Build an open space they can come to instead of forcing it all out of them.

DO NOT say something along the lines of "Why can't you just quit?" or "Think about how sad your family would be!" or "You should stop hurting yourself. It's bad for you." While the last one is true, statements like these put guilt on the person and not only that but might make them mad because you don't understand what it's like for them.

DO offer them alternatives and discuss with them why they feel the need to self-harm. One of the most well-known alternatives is snapping a rubber band on your wrist. Another one is holding an ice cube against yourself. One method I personally find great is working out a little until you get that ache feeling. Great way to get out internal frustration and physical activity is proven to make you happier.

DO NOT poke fun at them for it by calling them emo or something if the like. Unless they seem 100% okay with it and like actively encourage it because they find it funny, this is just messed up. I have nothing more to say on this except you will become part of the problem.

DO encourage them to have fun and find happiness in things they enjoy. If this person likes a certain show or video game, you'd be surprised by how much good it can do for someone's mental health to just be able to talk about it with someone or have someone who enjoys it as well. Sometimes, really liking something is the first step to liking yourself.

DO NOT talk over them about their own issues. You do not know them better than they know themselves. Shedding light or clarifying something for them is okay, but do not keep saying a certain thing is the root cause when they keep telling you it isn't.

DO be understanding whether they tell you about the root issue(s) or not. If they don't tell you, then don't take it personally. It's hard to open up about, and it's not exactly something a lot of people have the energy to share or the words to describe. Be patient with them and let them take their time.

As a general tip: Always ask if they want advice, a distraction, or want you to listen. It's essential to be on the same page if you really want to provide their needs.

For now, I can't think of any more. Feel free to add to what I have already, and I might add some more later.