#this morning I was remembering when I was first starting to catch feelings for Rafi

[rhythmic-idealist]

remembering how when I asked my second boyfriend out to prom (we weren't dating at the time! prom started it) our mutual friend helped me get set up with a cardboard(?) sword to kneel and present, and a sign that says "it's dangerous to go alone. take me?" and he walks through the door and says "dammit, I was gonna ask you"

I think we still have the video somewhere

[plaidbooks]

I was going to request a Nick fic, but I see you have a lot coming up so I’ll chill ☺️ Instead can I request a Rafael one where him and Liv actually do have some sort of secret thing going on, but reader starts as a new detective with SVU and her and Rafael have an instant connection.

To Love Again

A/N: Heya Anon--never feel hesitant about sending in a request! Even if I’m backed up on someone, I’ll gladly take any request haha!. Anyways, this got...a lot more angst than I meant for it to, whoops. I hop you enjoy (and there’s a small possibility for this to get a sequel, depending on inspiration).

This also jumps perspective, between Rafi and reader. Just a heads-up.

Tags: implied smut, angst with a happy? ending, mentions of sexual assault (no details given), alcohol

Words: 2650

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @dianilaws

It had started one drunken night, by mutual agreement, after a rough case and an even rough loss. Rafael and Olivia had gone out for drinks, to take the edge off after getting back the “not guilty” verdict. To show that they weren’t mad at each other. To show that they could work through the arguments and disagreements they had through the whole trial, the whole case. And the night had ended with Rafael waking up in Olivia’s bed. It was awkward at first, but they had talked about it; they cared for each other, but not in that way. It was simply…stress relief. And it didn’t happen again. Not until another rough loss, about two months later.

“We’re both single adults—we’re being safe about it. Who cares?” Olivia had said one day, and Rafael had agreed. Like they said, they cared about each other. Just not in that way. Who cares if they found relief in each other’s bodies once in a blue moon? It didn’t go beyond that, which was fine with Rafael; his heart was too shriveled up for a relationship, anyways. This was simpler, easier.

 **********************

There was a knock on his office door late in the afternoon. Glancing up, he called out for whoever it was to enter, curious as to who was coming to meet with him. He had no appointments at this time, though it wasn’t rare that people stopped by for one thing or another. He quirked an eyebrow though as you entered his office; he had never seen you before.

“Mr. Barba? I’m here to drop off some signed statements from the Jackson case, and to pick up a warrant for Wilson’s apartment,” you said shyly, coming to stand in front of his desk. You held the paperwork out to him, and he took it from you, that eyebrow still raised. You swallowed nervously as his bright green eyes roamed over your face.

“And who are you?” Rafael asked. His voice was light, a conversational tone.

Your cheeks burned in embarrassment. “Oh! Detective [Y/L/N]; I just started with SVU a few days ago. Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself,” you replied, smiling sheepishly and holding out your hand.

His lips twitched up at the corners, and he took your hand, shaking it. Olivia had told him that she was getting a new detective soon, but he didn’t know she already did. Nor that you would look so….

“You said the Wilson warrant, correct?” Rafael asked, pulling his hand back, flipping through files.

“That’s the one.” You watched his fingers run over the pages on his desk, flicking through the paper. Your face grew warmer as you thought about what those fingers would feel like against your skin, moving down your body, pushing under your pants….

“Ah, here it is,” he said, breaking you out of your lewd thoughts. He passed the folded warrant to you, and you thanked him, face now completely on fire. His eyes were sparkling with mischief, as if he knew exactly where your mind had been. “Would you like to get a nightcap with me tonight, Detective? Get to know each other a little better?”

Your breath hitched. “I-I’d like that very much,” you replied, smiling at him. “I’m off at 8 tonight. Is that alright?”

Rafael nodded. “Of course. Meet me at Forlini’s after you’re off.”

You turned to leave, warrant in hand, then you remembered that your new business cards had come in, with your personal cell phone number on it. Taking one from your pocket, you handed it to Rafael. “Here’s my number…if I’m late, feel free to text. I’m the new kid, so don’t be surprised it I get stuck with OT,” you laughed, and he smirked, tucking the card into his pocket.

 ***********************

You made it to Forlini’s shortly after you got off; no OT, not tonight. Rafael was already sitting at the bar, a glass of amber liquid in front of him. His suit jacket was off, hanging over the back of his chair. His sleeves were rolled up, showing off his forearms, and you had a moment to stare before he turned and saw you heading over towards him.

“Detective,” Rafael greeted, nodding towards you, a grin on his face. “What are you drinking?”

“Ah, vodka cranberry. I’m on call tonight, so only one drink for me,” you smiled back at him. You could hold your liquor well enough that one drink wouldn’t kill you. But that was it; you didn’t want to mess anything up, especially this early in your new career as detective. You worked too hard to get here.

Rafael nodded in acknowledgement. “Fair enough.” He waved down the bartender, ordering your drink onto his tab.

“Thank you,” you said, to both the bartender and Rafael as you were handed your drink. You both sat in silence, sipping your drinks, eyeing each other. Rafael was, well, attractive. You had heard about him, of course; when Olivia had sent you to get a warrant earlier that evening, everyone in the department had a warning for you about his sass, his sarcasm. But he seemed nice enough, and those eyes…those forearms…those fingers….

“What made you decide to go for SVU?” he asked, bringing your attention back to him.

“I’ve, uh, I’ve always wanted to help people. And so many of my friends were…assaulted when I was younger, back before we knew what the word meant. I’ve seen firsthand what it can do…what it does to people. And if I can help even one person reclaim their life, then it’s all worth it.” You didn’t mean to go so in depth, but once you started talking, you realized you couldn’t stop. And something about Rafael seemed…comforting. Like you wanted to tell him your whole life story. Maybe that’s why his conviction record was so high.

He nodded along with you, his eyes boring into you, watching you intently. “That’s a noble cause. You do realize that there’s a lot of grey areas in this job, though, right? And that the justice system doesn’t always win out?” He said it matter-of-factly, his voice unwavering. But there was a slight sadness underneath, tinting his eyes as he said it.

“I-I know…. We won’t always get our guy. We won’t always win. But the fight is worth it, if only to validate the victims, to put the behavior in the spotlight, to make it easier for the next victim,” you sighed, “because there will always be another victim.”

Rafael noticed how your voice had changed and decided to go for a lighter topic. “So, who’s your partner?”

“Uh, Fin, so he can keep an eye on me. And also Carisi—he tells me it’s because it’s getting colder and Fin doesn’t want to leave the warmth of the precinct,” you answered, smiling slightly.

“Stuck with Fordham, huh? I don’t know how you’re going to stay sane with him. He’s started shadowing me, and I already have a headache just thinking about it.”

You laughed, and Rafael chuckled. “Come on, he’s not that bad. A little excitable…. That’s cool that he’s shadowing you, though. Getting some hands-on experience.”

“Yeah, cool for him. Though, I have to admit, he has some…decent points every now and again,” Rafael conceded. Then, he gave you a sharp look, “you are to never tell him that I said that.”

 **********************

Conversation flowed easily between you two, and you ended up staying much later than you thought at Forlini’s, simply chatting with the counselor. You switched to water after your one drink, making sure you had a clear mind in case you were called in. But by 11pm, you still hadn’t received a call, and you were getting tired.

“I think I should head home…I got work in the morning,” you said reluctantly. You didn’t want to leave; you were having a lot of fun with Rafael. You had no idea why the other detectives had warned you about him.

“I’ll walk you out,” Rafael replied, finishing his drink and waving the bartender down. You waited while he paid, thanking him again for your drink. And then he was leading you out of the bar, his hand on your lower back, sending electricity through you.

“Thank you for tonight, Rafael; I had a lot of fun talking with you,” you smiled at him.

He grinned back at you, waving down a cab for you. “I had a good time, too. I’m excited to work with you.” A cab pulled up, and he opened the door for you. You brushed past him, and he grabbed your elbow, turning you back to him. His lips were suddenly on yours, the kiss gentle, innocent. You froze for a moment before you kissed him back, savoring the taste, the feel of him against you. Pulling back, you both looked at each other, panting slightly. It took your brain a moment to catch up to what just happened, and now that it did, you panicked, mumbling a goodnight, and climbing into the taxi, leaving Rafael standing on the sidewalk.

 *************************

He wasn’t sure what had come over him, what had possessed him to kiss you in front of Forlini’s. This was…different than what he had with Olivia. With Liv, it was all stress that was shoved down, down until it burst out of both of them. There were no feelings when it came to sleeping with Liv, just primal urges, actions. But sitting in Forlini’s, talking to you, Rafael felt….

That was just the problem, wasn’t it? Rafael felt, something that hasn’t happened in so long, he almost forgot what it meant to feel, what it…felt like. And you had returned the kiss! But then, before he could even attempt a next step—whether it was an apology or inviting himself over to your place, even he wasn’t sure—your eyes had gone wide with surprise, and you had fled. And now, Rafael was at a loss for what to do. He had your number; should he call you? Text? Should he apologize? Or should he lay on the charm, try and slip into your pants, your bed? And what the fuck was he going to tell Liv? Sorry, we can’t sleep together anymore cause I’m fucking your new detective? But that wasn’t even true yet! Sighing, he went back into Forlini’s, ordering another drink.

 ************************

Thankfully, one of these situations had fixed themselves…though, it still fucking hurt. Olivia had come into Rafael’s office late one night, a few days after the incident at Forlini’s, closing and locking the door—the tell-tale sign that they were going to discuss some…personal matters.

“We can’t do this anymore, Rafa,” Liv had murmured, her voice soft. Even in his secluded office, the walls had ears. And while she was being vague on purpose, Rafael understood immediately.

“What’s changed?” he asked idly. He wasn’t…mad, but he was a little surprised, and hurt. He had enjoyed having a warm body in his bed, rather than his hand.

“I’ve…” Olivia dropped her voice lower, and Rafael had to strain her ears to hear her. “I’ve started seeing someone.” Rafael nodded, keeping his face neutral. He was happy for his friend; she deserved someone who loved her, cared for her. But he couldn’t stop the jealousy that cropped up. Not so much at her, but at the fact that she had found someone.

“Well, it was fun while it lasted,” Rafael smirked, going back to the motion he was currently filling out. He thought back to the kiss with you, and his heart constricted.

“Are we okay?” Liv asked, her voice low.

Rafael glanced up at her, his eyes softening. “Of course, we are. I’ll always care about you, Liv. And I’m happy you found someone.”

Olivia nodded once, her hand rubbing Rafael’s shoulder lovingly, before she left his office. Sighing, he pulled out his phone, your card, and typed in your number.

 ************************

You didn’t know why you answered your phone when an unknown number called, nor why you gave him your address when you learned it was Rafael. You weren’t entirely sure why you let him into your apartment when he showed up 20 minutes later, nor why you opened the bottle of spice rum when he asked if you had alcohol. But the most confounding thing to you was when he kissed you again, you didn’t stop him. In fact, you escalated it, pulling his shirt off.

Groaning as you woke up, you froze as you felt strong arms around your naked body, a warm chest against your back, a heavy breath tickling your neck. Oh fuck, you didn’t…no way. But the soreness between your legs, your naked body against his, and your memories of the night prior were slowly coming back to you, and you grimaced. You were not the type of person to sleep with someone you had just met, drunk or not. It didn’t matter that you found him attractive, or that from what you remembered, the sex was phenomenal. This wasn’t you, so what happened?

“Morning,” Rafael’s voice was still thick with sleep, husky in your ear. His lips brushed over your shoulder, his arms tugging you tighter against him.

“Uh, morning Rafael,” you replied softly. But he heard the hesitance in your voice.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his breath warm on your skin.

You sighed, rolling over to look at him. “This…I don’t know how to say this…” you trailed off, and he furrowed his brow. “I’m…I don’t just…sleep around with people….”

Realization swept over his face. “Oh. I’m…I’m sorry. You seemed…you seemed okay with it last night. And I used a condom—”

“No, I’m not blaming you, I promise.” You sighed, looking away. The sadness, the regret on his face was too much for you to bare. “I mean…I like you, Rafael, but I don’t know you.”

In the softest voice, he said, “this is…this is all I know. I’m so sorry.” He rolled over, pulling away from you. He got out of bed, moving around your room, grabbing his clothes, and pulling on articles of clothing as he went.

You watched in silence, your heart breaking. What did that mean? “I’d like to, though…know you, that is.” Rafael turned to look at you, his brow furrowed once more. “But let’s take it slow, go out on a date or two, learn about each other.”

“A date?”

You smiled softly at him. “You have been on a date, right?” you joked.

“…not in many, many years.”

Your smile faded and your heart strained for the man—that kiss at Forlini’s and last night made so much more sense now. You wondered when the last time he felt genuine love was…and how badly it must’ve ended for him to be this broken over it.

“Then I’ll remind you. We’ll go slow, take baby steps…that is, if you want,” you said.

Rafael nodded, his head barely moving, and he blinked away the tears that threatened to form. “I’d like that. You’ll…you’ll have to be patient with me,” he warned.

“Lucky for you, I have all the patience of a detective,” you grinned, and his lips twitched upwards. “Let’s start with lunch. Today work for you?”

He nodded once more, then left your room to let you dress. This could work; you’d teach the counselor about love again, let the walls around his heart down, let him feel again. Rafael was, of course, afraid of being hurt again; he felt like his heart still wasn’t fully put back together. But after this many years, he alone obviously wasn’t enough for the job. Maybe he needed someone else to help. And he trusted you, more than he thought he could after everything he’s gone through throughout his life, especially since you had just met. Sure, he was terrified about all of this. But for you…for you, he was willing to try.

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

My heart

A surprise in this one, although the header picture gives it away! Its a long one

Warnings: SVU crimes, hostage situation, hurt detectives, medical stuff, nightmares and shock.

Enjoy x

"Come on now, you need to put the gun down. If you shoot me you'll get life. Let us go, my partner needs help he is bleeding out. Come on -you don't want it to end like this"

*BANG*

The day started just like any other, you and Rafael taking far too long to get out of bed because he wouldn't stop putting his hand up your pj shirt.

"Come to me at lunch" he was kissing you up your neck and had his hand up your shirt running his pointer finger along the base of your breasts,

"I'll see what I can do Rafi, but right now we are going to be late"

Showering and dressing for work. You walked into the bullpen to find everyone already at their desks,

"Morning Sonny"

"Morning Y/N"

"Hey Fin, Hey Amanda"

"Morning"

Liv came rushing out of her office,

"We have a situation. Get your vests I'll fill you in, in the car"

A young women game creator had been kid napped and was being held hostage. She had been sexually and physically assaulted all being live streamed. You all made your way over to an old ware house where TARU traced the live streaming. The building was surrounded. Fin and Amanda found her tided up on a lower level while you and Sonny headed up to the roof with your weapons drawn. A helicopter hovering over spotted the 2 preps on the roof both armed.

Rafael was in his office, he couldn't concentrate on work. He couldn't get you out of his mind. He had always thought in his past relationships he was happy till he wasn't. But he was wrong none of them were happy. But with you he was so happy, he didn't need to kid himself. Everything you guys had was everything he had ever wanted. He wanted nothing more than to get you into his office that lunch time and show you how much he loved you. He picked up his phone and opened it to message you:

10.40 am- Rafael: Have lunch with me Hermosa, I need to see you xx

Just as he put down his phone Carmen came rushing in not even knocking,

"Mr Barba" she ran over to the TV and turned it on.

"We are crossing over live to the scene unfolding right now. We have been informed that two armed men are holding two SVU Detectives at gun point"

It then crossed over to a picture of the roof top, Sonny and You both on your knees with your arms up in the air with two men standing in front you both, pointing their weapons at you and them wearing your bullet proof vests. All colour drained from his face. Without a word he jumped up grabbing his jacket and phone and ran out not saying a word to Carmen who was holding back tears herself.

Sonny was laying on the floor, blood rushing out of his forehead. The main perp had pistol whipped him so hard that it knocked him out when he was trying to talk them both down when they took your vests and guns. EMT rushed in as soon as Fin gave the all clear after he shot one prep in the leg and the other surrender. Amanda rushed over to you and picked you up off the ground pulling you into her arms.

"Aman- I ca-" you tried to get your breath but you just couldn't, you grabbed onto her arm so tight she thought you would leave bruises. You felt like you were drowning.

"I need help over here NOW" Amanda screamed

Sonny was on the stretcher and his head bleed under control but still unconscious. Another EMT unit came rushing in with oxygen, and slung the mask onto your face. They sat you down on the stretcher in case you passed out.

"Is she going to be ok?" Amanda was nervous, she was sitting beside you trying to keep you sitting up while the EMT looked over you.

"Yeah she is in shock, her blood pressure and oxygen are dropping" one of the EMT's answered back.

You were light headed from the lack of oxygen, you lent your head on Amamda's shoulder, grabbed her hand and closed your eyes.

"I'm going to lay her down, she needs fluids" another EMT informed Amanda.

----

"Liv, why didn't you call me" Rafael ran up to her.

"Rafa, I'm sorry, I just, I didn't think. Everything happened so fast"

Just then Sonny was rushed down into the back of the ambulance. Not even asking for permission, Rafael ran towards the building,

"BARBA STOP"

He didn't listen he just kept going making his way up to the roof, he wasn’t sure what he was going to be walking into, but that didn't stop him. As he got to the roof top he didn't even stop to take a breath. He came rushing through the doors to see you grabbing onto Amanda's hand while the EMT's were putting a drip in. Amanda noticed him out if the corner of her eye and turned to face him.

"Barba, what are you doing up here? It's a crime sence you need go"

"I'm not leaving Rollins" and he rushed over

"What happened? Is she ok?"

"She is in shock"

Amanda let go of your hand and Rafael moved into her place grabbing your hand and running his other in your hair.

"Rafi" you smiled up at him

"We have stabilised her but she needs to be monitored, we will be taking her in"

"I'll ride with her" Amanda nodded at him

----

You opened your eyes and the light hit you,

"You’re awake" Rafael was standing over you, "I'll get a nurse"

"Your blood pressure is back to normal, and your oxygen levels have gone up. I would still like to keep you here for another couple of hours"

"Thanks you Doctor" Rafael answered back as the door walked out of the room.

"Rafi, where is Sonny?"

"He is been moved to a ward, they are keeping him over night. His concussion was bad, he needed a few stitches"

"But he is ok?" your eyes filled with tears.

"Yes mi Hermosa. He is fine" Rafael kissed your cheek as the door to your room opened again.

"Y/N" Liv, Amanda and Fin came walking in.

"You’re awake" Amanda lent down and hugged you, followed by Liv.

"Fin, I want to thank you. You saved my life" you grabbed his hand.

"No drama, just another day at the office" you all laughed.

"No Fin, seriously, thank you" Rafael held out his hand and shook Fin's.

"Take tomorrow off Y/N. It's been a hard day" Liv looked down at you with a half smile.

"No I'll be fine" you gave a small smile back.

"No Hermosa, Liv is right, take tomorrow off and go back next week"

4 hours later you were discharged. Rafael wanted to take you straight home but you wanted to see Sonny before you left.

You walked into his room and his eyes were closed. His forehead was swollen and bandaged up. Rafael stayed at the door and watched. You walked over to Sonny taking his hand into yours and held it. He opened his eyes and let his eyes adjust.

"Hey Y/N" he gave you his big smile.

"You OK Sonny?" a tear fell down your cheek.

"Better now I've seen you’re OK" he pulled you in and you hugged him back.

****

"Y/N, Y/N, its OK, it's just a dream, its OK sshh I'm here" 

You were sobbing into Rafael's neck. You had a horrible nightmare.

"OH Rafi, it was horrible. Why would I be having nightmares? I didn't after Lewis"

"It was a different thing Hermosa. Just remembering the photo that was on the news makes me feel sick. But it's OK I'm here. I'll keep you safe"

****

Rafael had gone out to get some lunch, and you had just put some clothes away when your phone started to ring,

"Hey Nick, I miss you"

"Hey Y/N, I miss you too. How are you feeling?"

"I'm OK, the nightmares have started though"

*Knock Knock Knock*

"Hang on a second, I have to get the door" Nick stayed quite on the other end of the phone, you walked to the door and opened it

"OH MY GOD NICK" you squealed and jumped into his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck. He lifted you up off the floor and spun you around. Tears fell from your eyes. He put you down and put his hands on your shoulders.

"What are you doing here?"

"Barba called me and told me you needed your best friend. I got on the first flight"

He pulled you in and kissed you on top of the head.

"How long are you here for?"

"Just the weekend. Barba told me you go back to work on Monday, so I fly out Sunday night"

"I've missed you so much Nick"

"I've missed you too. Zara wasn't happy that I came without her, but Maria took her to her parents this weekend"

"Oh I miss my girl"

"She misses her Tia too. So are you going to keep me in the hall or let me come in?" He laughed, you grabbed his hand and pulled him inside towards the kitchen.

"Barba's not back yet? Hope he gets my order right" Nick scoffed.

You turned on the jug, and spun and raised your eye brows at him.

"You two actually planned this together?"

"Hard to believe right" he laughed hard

"Where are you staying?"

"Here. Barba said you had an air mattress"

"Really? Wow" 

Just then Rafael walked through the door and rounded the corner with two brown paper bags.

"Amaro, how was your flight?" Rafael gave Nick a half smile.

You rushed over to him and wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

"Yuck" Nick spat out with a laugh and you pulled away with reddened cheeks, Rafael had a pleasantly stunned look on his face.

"Thanks you Rafi, for organising this. You knew just what my heart needed" he winked back at you.

The weekend went by fast. Rafael asked for the same days off so he could be there for you. Nick wanted to go and see Sonny. You guys managed to catch him just before he was sent home.

"Jeez Y/N, I get one knock to the head and you bring your old partner back" you giggled at Sonny and wrapped your arm around his middle.

"Never Sonny, I don't want him back, your a better cook"  you stuck you tongue out at Nick, him laughing back at you.

You guys had a video call with Zara and she made Rafael promise to bring you for a visit. One night over dinner you spoke to Rafael and Nick honestly about how you were feeling after having another horrible nightmare the night before. You ended up in tears with Nick squeezing your hand tight and then Rafael pulling you into him and kissing you all over your face kissing away the tears.

Next thing the weekend was over and Nick had left. It was a tearful good bye from both of you,

"You call me if you need me, any time" he kissed your forehead, tears running down his cheeks.

"I always need you Nick. Thank you for being here for me" you hugged him tight leaving tears on his shirt.

----

You were in the study letting the air mattress down and tidying up. Rafael was standing at the door watching you. You had got frustrated because of how slow the air was coming out, so you laid on it, which made him burst laughing.

"Rafi, how long had you been standing there?" You frown up at him.

"Long enough" he smirked at you.

Once the mattress was down, he pulled you up to standing and placed his hands on your cheeks.

"Do you think you’re ready to go back to work?"

"I think so" you paused "nothing happened to me. I wasn't hurt"

"Physically" he ran his thumb over one side of your cheek

"Talking to you and Nick last night helped a lot Rafi, I didn't have a nightmare last night" he huffed at you.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive Rafi....I want to thank you for everything you have done for me over the last couple of days. Organising Nick to come, I know it must have been hard for you to find out what happened on the news. But you have done nothing but take care of me. I love you, thank you so much"

"Your my whole heart Hermosa, I love you more than anything, I would do anything for you"

[adarafaelbarba]

Mine

pairing: Rafael Barba x OC (Nina Suarez. Might work with her a bit in later fics 🤷🏼‍♀️) fandom: Law & Order: SVU warning: smut, A LOT of Spanish! and a whole bunch of pent up pining! word count: 2 878  

A/N: I’ve not written a proper smut in AGES! With that and the fact that there is a whole heap of Spanish in this, bear with me please! And please remember to reblog this and/or comment on this! it took me a while to write it! Smut under the cut!

“If we hit from these four angles, we’ve got him”, I explained. “Benson?” Looking at the lieutenant I frowned, she wasn’t paying attention. “We’re going to get him this time Benson”, I reassured. She nodded at this.

“Barba!” Liv called out, making me turn in a flash. “This better be important Liv, I was out for dinner with my mother”, he said in an annoyed tone. “It is. Let’s talk in my office”, she said before turning to me, “I’ll be ready for briefing in 5 minutes Suarez.”

Nodding I went back to looking over the game plan when there was a tap on my shoulder. “Are you not gonna say hello to me amado?” Lucia Barba asked, giving me a warm smile. “Mrs. Barba!” I smiled wide, hugging her. “que te he dicho, llámame Lucia!” She chuckled, making me blush. “Perdóname, Lucia, I forget sometimes”, I said, laughing nervously.

...

“Thank you, Barba”, Liv said when they exited the office. “I’ll get it as—Nina!” He stopped in his track as he took me in. “Rafael”, I said with a wide smile. “Dios mío! It’s—it’s been a while.” He sounded almost breathless before rushing over to hug me. Hugging him back I let out a content sigh. “Ten years Rafi.” I chuckles.

The others were looking at us in wonder as we pulled away from the hug. “Oh yeah, sorry. Raf—ADA Barba and I are old friends”, I explained, smiling. They all seemed to nod at this before going back to work.

“You have to join us for dinner one of these days Nina. Where are you staying?” Lucia said in a warm, but serious tone. “She’s here on business mami, she’s not go—“ Rafael started, “I would love to Lucia. And I’m staying at a hotel down the block”, I explained. “Disparates! Family stays together!” She exclaimed. “You’ll stay with Rafi, he lives close by too.” If there was one thing I knew, you didn’t argue with Lucia Barba. “You okay with that Rafi?” I asked, looking at him, my cheeks burning. “Of course. Here’s my spare key. Make yourself comfortable”, he said, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. “I’ll see you later cariño.” Feeling my cheeks burn from the blush I nodded. “I’ll see you later Rafi! Bye Lucia!” I smiled giving them both a hug before they left.

“You okay Suarez?” Rollins asked, smirking at me. “Just fine Rollins. Can we get back on the case please?” She nodded at this and back to work we went.

...

It felt weird entering Rafi’s apartment without ringing the doorbell. He had texted me the address 5 minutes after he and his mother had left. And now I was here, unlocking the doors to his most intimate space.

“Cariño? Is that you?” His voice carried well in the spacious apartment as I stood in the hall. “Si”, I smiled, dropping the key on the table by the door.

Exiting the kitchen he took in my tired appearance. “I figured I should make you some dinner, to welcome you back to New York”, he said, giving me that soft smile which always made my legs weak.

Yeah, I had a big fat crush on my best friend. I never dared to tell him. He was so much older than me, having been friends with my brother up until when my brother died in Afghanistan.

“Rafi. You really don’t have to. You’re already giving me a warm welcome by letting me stay with you”, I exclaimed looking at him. “Don’t be ridiculous Nina.” He chuckled, handing me a glass of wine. “Thanks. And I’m not being ridiculous. I’m being realistic”, I said with a huff.

Don’t fall for him, don’t fall for him, don’t fall for him, I repeated to myself as a mantra before jumping up on his counter to watch him make the food.

“You are being ridiculous cariño. Mami is right, family stays together.” Hearing him say it made my heart drop. It seemed so much harsher when he said it, even in his soft tone.

Downing the wine I decided to just ignore the feeling. I could ponder about it when I went to sleep tonight.

As he continued to cook and serve wine for us both, we would talk about everything and anything. Even if I had kept in touch since we’d last seen each other there were things we hadn’t talked about that seemed better to do in person.

Like how I really had been since my brother’s passing. And later when your father died. Rafael hated himself for not being there for my family and I.

“Abuelita couldn’t understand why he would go that way. She didn’t see the pain mami and I saw in his eyes every day. It was eating him up from the inside. I’m just happy he went peacefully.” I had explained. “He’s in a better place now though cariño”, he said in a comforting voice, taking my hand in his. “Yeah, I know. I just hope we catch the guy this time, so dad wouldn’t have died in vain.” He nodded, “we’ll catch him.”

He also talked about his abuelita passing away, and I hated myself for not being there for Rafi and Lucia. He had felt so guilty for making her live in the home. «She never blamed you Raif. She knew you only meant well, and that it was the best for her», I said, jumping down from the bench to hug him. «I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Rafi, but I’m here now. I got you.»

...

Taking my plate I went over to the sink after finishing the food. “Leave it, I’ll take it in the morning.” Rafael tried, but I wouldn’t budge. “No, Raf let me! It’s the least I could do after you made me this amazing meal”, I said, moving away from him to the sink.

...

The dishes weren’t the only thing we scuffled about that evening. I was set on taking the couch, as he didn’t have a guest bedroom, but he said I should take the bed. “Rafi! Let me take the couch, my back is still young.” He gasped at me when he heard that, “are you calling me old?” I chuckled, “I don't know old man, did I?” He couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh at that. “I’ll get you for that Suarez!” I smirked, “I bet you will Barba!”

...

The week continued as the first night. Mr. Camden seemed harder to catch than the team had thought, which meant longer shifts, which in turn made me more cranky.

“He’s a pro at this Fin! He knows what he’s doing cause lord knows he’s been at this game for a long time. Covering up his trail is what he does best, he’s not a sloppy joe”, I said, pacing the bullpen. “Then we just have to trick him, won’t we? Rollins fits his M.O. she could trick him”, Fin suggested. “You up for that Rollins?” I asked, looking at her. She nodded, “I’m ready.”

As we were suiting up, Rafi walked into the precinct with two cups of coffee and a big smile, which soon dropped when he saw us getting ready. «You’re heading out? I thought I’d bring you some coffee», he said, holding up the white and green Starbucks cup. «Yeah, Rollins is going undercover, hopefully, he’ll take the bait. Gracias Rafael. This will get me through the night for sure.» Smiling up at him I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him. «Of course cariño. Be safe out there, entendido?» I nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek. «Voy a. I’ll see you later.» smiling at each other one last time we pulled away before I was whisked away with Fin, Carisi, Rollins, and Liv.

…

«So you and Barba?» Carisi asked, looking over to me as we sat in the stakeout car. «What about us?» I asked, looking at the detective. «You like each other. Everyone can see it», he said, «You need to lay off the sweets Carisi.» I huffed, trying to pretend it didn’t affect me. «You might be a good detective Suarez, but you’re a terrible liar», Sonny said, chuckling. «So what if I like him? He doesn’t like me. He still sees me as Michael’s little sister.» I shrugged. «How about this? I’ll prove to you that he likes you. I’ll kiss you in front of him. He’ll be jealous», Sonny suggested, shrugging. «Or he’ll kill you for touching me. Just leave it Carisi», I said, groaning.

The stakeout took about 4 hours until Mr. Camden slipped up, and we could finally take him down.

…

Sonny didn’t speak any more about the idea. It wasn’t until after Mr. Camden confessed to at least a two dozen rapes and a couple of murders, something about him wanting to come clean cause he had been diagnosed with cancer, that it came up again.

We were exciting the interrogation room, Rafael talking to Liv. I could feel my heart skip a beat at how good Rafi looked in his three-piece suit, when Sonny pulled me in for a kiss, making me squeal in surprise. «Detective Carisi!» looking from Sonny to Rafael, he was not pleased. «You’re welcome doll», Sonny whispered before walking off.

«A word DI Suarez», Rafael said, his voice low. Nodding, I lead him to the changing rooms. No one would be in there now.

As soon as we were inside, Rafael locked the door, leaning on it. «Si señor Barba?» I said, keeping eye contact with him. «Don’t give me that tone detective», he growled, glaring at me. «If this is about Carisi kissing me. I had nothing to do with it. I’m innocent, querido, you know that», I said, looking at him. «He just wanted to get a reaction from you. He thinks you like me, but he’s lying, isn’t he?» I tended to do this, I just didn’t want to have my heart broken by anyone, so I set myself up to break my own heart before they could.

«Rafi?» I asked when he hadn’t answered me. «¿estás bien, Rafi?» I asked, still looking at him. In a few quick strides Rafael was in front of me, his hands cupping my face, «Mía!» he exclaimed before capturing my lips with his. The kiss was like nothing I had ever expected. It was rushed almost, all teeth and tongue, and moans, heavenly moans that slipped his lips. It was the kind that made all the heat in my body rush down to my core.

«mío!» I moaned when we pulled away for a breath. My arms found their place around his neck as Rafi pushed me up against a locker, his lips attached to my neck.

It was as if he knew everything about me. Where to touch me to send tingles down my spine, where to kiss me to draw out a moan. Point in case now as he was working on marking a particularly sensitive area on my neck, «Rafi», I moaned, one hand in his hair as the other hung onto the collar of his suit jacket. «Nina», he moaned in return. «Not here», I said, making him look at me. «You’re place, then you can have me any way you want me.» he moaned at that, pulling me with him.

We got quite a few looks as we went through the bullpen, but we were too far gone to care.

…

As soon as we entered Rafael’s apartment, clothes were thrown everywhere. He let out an audible groan as I stood there in only my underwear, and I gave myself a mental high five at the fact that I wore a matching set. «Mierda, bebé, you look amazing», he said, lust lacing his voice.

Taking in his looks, I let out a shaky breath, «As do you, amor», I said, biting my lip.

Pulling me to him he kissed me again. «Te quiero cariño. And I’m not just saying that to get you in bed. I truly, honestly, deeply love you», he confessed, cupping my cheeks. «Yo también te amo, Rafi.» I smiled through tears as I pulled him in for another searing kiss.

The kiss turned more heated and before I knew it he had picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. «Soy todo tuyo Rafi. Do with me as you please», I said, laying on his bed, looking up at him, his hand in mine. «Y yo soy tuyo mi amor, always», he said.

He laid down next to me before rolling over to kiss me. «If it’s too much, tell me to stop, and I’ll stop. Okay cariño?» I nodded, kissing him again, «Okay Rafi», I said.

Opening the drawer on his nightstand he let out a string of Spanish curse words. «Had I know this would be happening I would have bought condoms.» he groaned, hovering over me, his head nuzzled up in my neck. «I’m clean, and on the pill. You’re clean right Rafi? Please. I need you», I murmured in his ear, biting my lip as I felt him grow harder. «I’m clean. Are you sure about this cariño?» it was his insecurities that spoke now. «Please, just fuck me, papi», I said, drawing out a moan from him.

Stripping out of our remaining items of clothing, where I may or may not have let out an obscene moan at the sight of his impressive member, Rafael started leaving a trail of kisses down my body before settling in between my legs. «I’m going to take good care of you bebé», he murmured, a finger teasing my entrance as his lips attached to the bundle of nerves. «Fuck papi!» I moaned, clenching the sheets.

That man knew how to please a woman. His mouth seemingly as good in bed as it was in court. Bringing me to the brink of orgasm, before stopping, drawing out a defeated groan from me. «Why did you stop?» I asked, looking down, our eyes locking in each other’s gaze. «You were close cariño.» he started. «Yeah, because you were doing so good bebé», I said, my voice rasp from moaning. «I want to be inside you when you come undone», he said, looking at me, making me moan. That man could honestly just look at me and I’d cum just from that.

«By all means papi, no te ester deteniendo», I said, smirking before moaning as he kissed his way back up my body.

As he started kissing my lips again I reached down, grabbing his length in my hand before stroking him torturously slow. «Mierda cariño. Th—that feels—fuck—so good!» he moaned, his lips attaching to my neck as he created more marks.

«I need to feel you papi», I murmured, sucking on the sweet spot just below his ear.

Lining him up with my entrance I looked up at him as he pushed into me. The moans that followed could make a pornstar blush.

«Fuck cariño. Te sientes tan bien bebé!» he moaned, bottoming out before stopping so I could adjust to his size. «Oh my god Rafi, that feels so good! Please move papi!» I moaned back, and he complied, moving almost completely out before bottoming out again. He continued this ministration a few more times before he set a steady, but slow pace.

«I want this to last amor», he said, but I wasn’t as patient as he was. My primal needs taking over my mind as I trailed my hands down his back until they reached his perfectly shaped ass, grabbing it to press him into me. «Paciencia mi amour», he said, chuckling before moaning as I bit down on his shoulder. «Faster papi. Please make me cum», I murmured, biting down on his collarbone.

That last bite seemed to really spur him on as he picked up his pace. «Fuck Rafi, just like that bebé!» I moaned, grabbing the headboard. «Dios mío, te sientes tan bien papi!» I moaned.

My climax was approaching full speed as he kept his fast pace. «I’m so close Raf—fuck bebé!» letting out a pleasured squeal biting down hard on his neck, so hard in fact that I drew some blood, but we were too far gone to care. «Me too cariño. Cum with me», he moaned out loud.

The movements became erratic as his thumb found it’s way down to press on my clit, pushing me over the edge. «Fuck papi!!» I screamed, my walls clamping down on his member as he came too.

We laid there in absolute bliss for a couple of minutes before he pulled out of me, making me wine at the loss of fullness. «Let’s get cleaned up, then we can go to sleep», he said, helping me up. «I don’t think I can walk properly after that!» I laughed breathlessly. «Come on cariño, I’ll help you.» he chuckled, guiding me to the bathroom so we could shower.

After the shower I felt more relaxed, but still leant on Rafael for guidance. «Take me to bed Rafi.» I purred, «As you wish amor.»

That night I had the best sleep in ages.

~ FIN ~

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Our Dearest Readers,

Hey all! @missjennifercole​ has had quite the week and I figured I’d take something off her plate. Here is episode 49 of Cuba v DR. We’ve got one episode left and I am FREAKING OUT! I really hope we’ve done this series justice.

I’ve been reading through some of the previous season the last few days, gearing up for whenever we decide to start going through them to edit, and I think along the way I’m comfortable saying that we’ve had some stumbles, but hopefully the ending we have in mind leaves you guys satisfied. We love you all so much and especially those of you that have been with us since the beginning of this series, the amount of love and support for not only the story but for us as the writers has often times been overwhelming and I think I speak for both Jen and myself when I say that we have the most amazing readers on the planet.

Sinceriously,

Amanda

EPISODE 49

After work Roxie was happy to be home, she loved her job but lately she found that she had started missing Liam more. She’d had her first talk therapy session that morning and despite it only having been one session, she had already begun to feel better. At least the thought of seeing her baby was much less anxiety-inducing as it had been the day before. 

“It was so wonderful to watch you work, Roxanne. The camera loves you, darling,” Helena said, beaming with pride at her oldest daughter.

“Thank you, mum. I loved having you there as well. My co-host can be a bit much to deal with at times.” Roxie rolled her eyes at the thought, it had seemed that Aaron had been coming up with any excuse for them to have to reshoot this or that. “I was thinking we should take Liam to get some pictures done, professionally, baby portraits. It will be a chance to send it out to the family,” she said to her mother as she fumbled for her keys in her purse. “Plus Rafael and I have only been taking pictures on our phones and he’s doubling in size regularly. Soon he’ll be thirty at this rate.” She opened the door walking inside. 

“Oh, that would be lovely! Your father and I would have a photo of him to hang in our living room,” Helena answered.

“Precisely my thoughts,” Roxie answered as she pushed the door open. “We’re back,” she called out to her husband, moving into the living room where she usually found the two snuggling on the couch. When she found an empty room, Roxie turned to her mother. “That’s strange. Rafael left me a message telling me they were already home.”

“Well, perhaps they went out to pick up something to eat,” Helena replied with a bob of her shoulders.

“It’s close to Liam’s bedtime, I can’t imagine a reason why they’d leave.” She heard a cry from the bedroom, immediately sighing in relief as she moved into the room. “There you are-“ she paused, looking around and frowning. “Rafi?” 

She picked her son up, patting him on the back and gently rocking him as she moved into the guest bedroom where Helena was staying, and searched. There would be no reason for him to be in there but she was quickly running out of locations. 

“Love?” 

“Something wrong, darling?” Helena asked from the kitchen.

The lights were out, eerie silence of the room only deepening the pit in her stomach. She moved to the guest bathroom, then their bedroom, their adjoining bathroom as she felt real panic settle in. Rafael barely set Liam down at all, he’d never just leave. 

She turned to her mother, brows furrowed. “He’s nowhere.” 

“What do you mean, he’s nowhere?” Helena asked as she closed the fridge. “Perhaps in the bath?”

“I’ve checked everywhere, mum. He's not anywhere,” she said, moving to pick up her phone in her free hand. 

“Something’s happened,” Helena said, her previous task of warming food for her and Roxie completely forgotten. “He would never leave Liam alone.”

“I’m calling the police,” Roxie replied, thumb already moving over the flat screen of her cell phone.

“Isn’t his sister close by? You should call her after. Perhaps she knows something.” 

Roxie nodded, dialing 9-1-1 and listening to the longest three rings of her entire life. Even as she began to talk to the operator, she felt like this couldn’t be real. Rafael would never just leave their son alone in the apartment, she was offended just at the thought. But anything was more preferable than thinking something horrible happened. 

Her husband wasn’t shy of enemies from court cases or even by proxy of Nevada and that put him in a dangerous position. She couldn’t help but feel something had happened here, something truly bad. 

When she hung up the phone, she was trembling.

“I can call his sister, darling,” Helena offered, putting her hand over Roxie’s to take the phone. Roxie just shook her head, taking a breath to steady herself.

“No, no I need to do it. Will you stay with Liam for me while I’m in the other room?” she whispered. She could barely stand the thought of taking that baby out of her sight now, but she didn’t want his little ears hearing that his father had disappeared. Even if he couldn’t process it.

She dialed your number, feeling a rush of anxiety wash over her. 

“Hey you,” you answered with a smile. “What’s up?” 

“Y/N, something’s happened,” Roxie said, trying to keep the panic from rising further. “Rafael isn’t here.”

“What?” 

“Liam was by himself, he wouldn’t just leave the baby here. He would take Liam or call you. There would be no reason to--“ 

“--Roxie,” you said firmly. “Okay, I get it. Just calm down. Is there any sign of a struggle or anything?” 

“What? What the bloody hell are you talking about? I’m not a detective, Y/N! Where is my husband?!” 

You gave it a moment to let her panic, waiting until she calmed again. “The police are going to look for the same thing. Look, it doesn’t matter now, are you alone?” 

“No, I’m with my mum.” 

“Okay, stay there,” you said, standing up and pulling on a jacket. “I’m calling Nevada to see if he knows anything and I’m coming over. Lock your doors, close all the windows. If someone did come for Rafael, I don’t think they’re coming back but you can’t be too safe.” 

Roxie nodded as if you could see her, wiping a stray tear that had ran down her cheek. “Okay, I’ll lock everything now.”

“It’s gonna be okay,” you assured her as you moved out the door and downstairs to your car. Hollower words had never been spoken. You didn’t know that. You couldn’t assure that and more than anything else you weren’t even sure of it yourself. But she needed that assurance right now. “Rafael is going to be okay. I’m coming now. I’ll call you when I’m there. Don’t open the door for anyone but me or the police.” 

Roxie nodded again. “Okay, okay, please hurry, Y/N,” she begged.

“I’m coming, I promise I’ll be right there.” 

As you ended the call and got into the car, you looked at yourself in the mirror for a split second, you looked scared. You had to pull that look off of your face before you got to Roxie. There was no room for more than one person panicking and none of that would help Rafael.

You dialed your phone again, this time calling your husband. “Come on,” you mumbled, growing more frustrated with each ring. “Come on, Nevada, pick up.” 

---------

Rafael’s temples throbbed as a wet, sticky trickle ran down the side of his face. There was a slow drip coming from his right side and a low rumble beneath him vibrated against his bottom. A tight, sharp grip cut into his wrists and an attempt to move them elicited a hiss from him. His eyes opened to the darkness of a cold, damp room as the pain in his head doubled and he pressed his forehead against the wall next to him. Taking a deep breath, he carefully tilted his head up to find handcuffs around his wrists over a rusted metal pipe. 

He tried to pull his hands free by pulling down on the pipe with no success. His eyes were finally beginning to adjust to the dark and his legs moved in an attempt to stand but he couldn’t establish a firm footing. His muscles sore and screaming, he slumped back against the wall and continued to look around the room for a possible way out.

Where the hell was he?

He remembered Charles standing in his living room, holding his son. The image swarmed his mind and his pulse quickened.

“Liam,” he groaned, looking up at his wrists again and using a newfound strength to pull himself further up against the wall behind him. Straining his ears, he tried to listen for any familiar sounds and it was then that he realized he was gently rocking from side to side. The muted sound of crashing waves confirmed that he was on a boat of some kind. 

His eyes darted around the room, looking for something--anything--he could use to cut himself free. The room had obviously been prepared ahead of time, but he would’ve expected nothing less of Charles Heeley. The man had always been one to account for every detail. Looking along the floor around him, he scoured the filthy surface for something, anything to pick the lock of the cuffs. He hadn’t the slightest idea as to how to pick a lock, but he was determined to try anything.

He didn't care how long it took him, but he had to get free and find a way back to his family.

---------

“Holy shit.” 

The whisper sounded in the otherwise silent lab, where a technician was testing the partial fingerprint and DNA sample found at a crime scene they were convinced had been sanitized. Quickly moving to print out the matches he’d found, he wrenched the pages from the printer and shot up from his chair. File in hand, he raced out of the lab, deciding to take the stairs up to Captain William’s office. In retrospect it wouldn’t have made any difference to take the elevator, but he had been one of the many who doubted they would be able to find anything at the scene, let alone connect it to a suspect. His genuine shock had clouded his rational thought and he ran as quickly as his legs would carry him up the stairs from the basement to the third floor of the old precinct.

Shoving the door to William’s office open, the tech heaved and bent at the waist as he tried to catch his breath, one hand holding the file up.

“Don’t you knock?” Williams asked with furrowed brows at the sweaty technician.

“Sir...w-we found a m-match...for both the partial print...and the DNA.”

Williams’ face fell and he stood, snatching the file away to read the results. Eyes widening, he pointed at the report in his hand as his eyes met with the tech. “You’re sure about this.”

It was more of a statement than a question, this was what Leonard had been waiting for since he’d arrived in the Heights.

The tech nodded, breath still coming in heavy pants. He took a moment to right himself, swallowing as his breath finally began to slow. “Yes sir, there’s no question. The DNA sample belongs to Oscar Diaz Jr and the partial print has a seven point match with Nevada Ramirez.”

Williams dropped the report on his desk and grabbed his jacket before going into the pen and calling out to his lead detective. “Let’s go pick up Ramirez and Diaz.”

“We got them?” 

“Like a mouse in a trap,” Williams answered as he charged out the precinct.

---------

Nevada's phone rang loudly in the office building he'd just entered and he pulled it out to look down at the screen, seeing your name. Dropping the call, he stepped onto the elevator and hit the button for the top floor. He usually always answered when you called, but now all he could think of was getting out to where Natalia was. After what she'd done to Izzy, he couldn't wait to watch the light leave her eyes.

"Mr. Ramirez, it's so good to see you again!" Jasper's secretary said, flashing Nevada a bright smile as soon as he stepped off the elevator.

"Hola mi amor" he answered as he walked to her desk. "He in there?"

"Yes, go on in," she replied.

"Thank you. You look nice today, by the way," Nevada said with a smirk as he walked past her desk, up to Jasper's office.

"Always so sweet," she replied with a smile.

Without knocking, Nevada went into Jasper's office and nodded to the other man.

"Nevada," Jasper said with a smirk, looking up from his laptop. He stood and buttoned up his jacket, extending a hand towards the man in leather to shake.

Nevada shook his hand. "Oye, bro, I don't mean to bust in on you pero I need a huge favor."

"Name it," Jasper replied.

"Need to borrow your boat."

"Going on a trip?" Jasper asked with a smile.

"Not exactly," Nevada answered. "We found Natalia. She's off-shore--" His phone rang again, and he pulled it out to drop your call again before he looked back up at Jasper. "I wanna rearrange that bitch's face and hang her by her intestines."

"That seems like mercy compared to what I'd like to do to her," Jasper answered. "Your sister-in-law is a good girl. I was looking forward to seeing her succeed with her gallery. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's criminals who drag civilians into our business."

"You wanna come with?" Nevada asked as though they were planning a vacation.

Jasper grinned widely. "I thought you’d never ask."

---------

It took nearly two hours of pulling, his muscles screaming in agony as with his teeth clenched and a deep, loud grunt Rafael finally had been able to break the rusted pipe. Compressed air rushed out of the broken metal as Rafael collapsed to the floor. He took a moment to catch his breath, then despite the protest of his legs, he stood up and went to the heavy steel door on the opposite side of the room. Gripping the metal wheel at the center, he grunted as he turned it to the left, opened the door and peeked out into the corridor. This seemed too easy, but upon seeing no one in sight, he slowly stepped out of the room. The real task would be to find a way out and hoping that he was some place familiar. 

Were they docked at Chelsea Piers? Coney Island? 

Choosing to go left, towards a set of metal stairs, his eyes stayed alert for any movement other than his own. A whistle accompanied by footsteps sounded from the stairs and Rafael quickly went into the room to his immediate left, tucking himself behind the door. The whistle was closer, heavy thud of each step keeping a tempo as the man made his way down the corridor. He looked down at his still cuffed wrists and wondered whether the Whistler had a set of keys. Rafael turned his eyes back up, ducking and waiting for the man to walk past the door he was hiding behind before he came out and hooked the man’s neck with his cuffed wrists. Clenching his jaw, he used all his strength to pull the struggling body against his, pressing the chained metal against his neck. 

The man, surely much more rested than he was, rushed backwards and slammed Rafael against the corridor while his hands scratched blindly at his attacker. One hand reached for the gun at his waist, but was having trouble getting it out of it’s holster. Rafael pulled with renewed vigor, squeezing his eyes shut and turning his head to one side. Never in his life did he imagine himself ever killing anyone for any reason, but he was determined to get back to his family no matter what, even if he had to commit murder. The man stomped and slammed him over and over into the corridor, attempting to get free, but Rafael only pulled harder, growling with his efforts. 

The nails against his skin slowed their digs as the life drained out of the man pressed against him. With one last yank, he heard arms go slack and slap against his victim’s sides and Rafael opened his eyes to find the man’s eyes were closed. Rafael let the body fall to the floor and looked to either side of the corridor just as a heavy door groaned in the distance. He heard footsteps approaching and voices of more than one man. 

More were coming and he didn’t have the strength to fight them off. Moving as quickly as his body would allow, he gripped the back of his victim’s shirt and dragged him towards the door he’d been hiding behind. Sweat dripped off his nose as he pulled the dead weight into the dark, empty room and carefully pushed the door shut just as the men turned into the corridor where he’d committed his first felony, and Rafael held his breath as he waited for them to pass his hiding place. 

“It’s fucked up is all I’m saying, how he left the kid all by himself,” he heard one of the men say.

“What the hell would he do with a baby? Good riddance. The little brat’s mom probably got home eventually,” another replied.

Liam. Charles must have left Liam at the condo. Rafael felt a silent sigh pass through his mouth at the news that his son was safe with his mother. Now he just needed to get out of this alive and all would be well again. 

Turning towards the unconscious man, Rafael couldn’t help but check for a pulse. He sighed in relief at the faint flutter beneath his fingertips and began to look through the man’s pockets. Finding a set of keys, he looked for one that looked like the one Liv carried for handcuffs and used it to uncuff his wrists. Rubbing the raw, cut up skin, he looked back down at the man, then down at himself. He was barefoot and his cashmere pants were certainly not made for a situation such as this. Working quickly, he changed into the man’s clothes and shoes, tentatively placing the gun in it’s holster on his belt before he left the room, closing the door behind him. 

He wiped the blood off the side of his face as best he could and made his way down the corridor, looking for an exit.

And that was when he saw it.

A window.

Moving double time, he stepped up to the small, circular glass that offered a view of outside. 

Water...and not just any water. Ocean. Open ocean.

They were out at sea!

---------

OJ whipped his head towards the door of the club at the sound of it bursting open, brows knitted and fists clenched as Williams and seven other detectives walked into the club. He was sick and tired of this new Captain coming into the club whenever it suited him and OJ stood, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

“Something I can help you with, pendejo? Buffet doesn’t open till dinner time,” he sneered with a smug expression.

Williams burst into laughter as he closed in on OJ. "Oscar Diaz Jr," he said, grinning at him. "Where's your boss?"

"Not sure. But I'll tell him you stopped by," OJ answered with a smirk.

"That might be difficult seeing as how you're under arrest," Williams replied, earning a scoff from OJ as the larger man stepped behind him and cuffed his wrists. “You got the right to remain silent and I, for one, wouldn’t be offended if you exercise that right--”

"--You got nothing on us, bro. This is fuckin' harrassment," OJ growled, turning his head to one side to peer at the Captain over his shoulder.

"We’ve got your DNA...bro," Williams replied, turning to his men. "Find Ramirez.”

"Yes, sir," one of the detectives answered as he and the other moved past the Captain and OJ.

Williams turned his head to address his detectives once more. “And put cuffs on every person you find! I don't care who they are, if they're here, they're either an accessory or an accomplice!"

---------

When you arrived at your brother’s apartment, Roxie ran right to you, hugging you tight. You squeezed her back, hand moving to the back of her head to gently cradle her before turning back to where Detective Carisi was standing beside Helena with a notepad.

“Y/N,” he said in a greeting, brows furrowed. You knew how much Sonny adored Rafael so this couldn’t have been easy for him either. 

“Do you know anything?” you whispered desperately as you let go of Roxie.

He shook his head. “Still taking a statement, Roxie said she just came home and Liam was alone. No sign of Barba anywhere in the apartment.” 

“He would never leave our son,” Roxie continued to repeat as if no one was listening to her.

“We know that, Rox,” you assured and laced your hand with hers, giving it a tight squeeze.

“Alright,” Carisi said, looking at Helena and then Roxie. “How long were you gone for, Roxie?” 

“The whole of the day, since this morning. I went out with my mother and then I had to work. Rafael had been with Liam, he needed to go to One Hogan Place to drop off his resignation. He left me a voicemail about half an hour before we got home,” she said, wiping tears again. “He said he and Liam had just gotten back and that he would see us soon.” She couldn't help but laugh a bit. “He wanted to know about my day.” She loved Rafael more than she could ever put into words. The idea of living without him was something she wasn’t prepared to entertain.

“This is all good Roxie,” Sonny said, offering a reassuring smile. “Any detail helps. Did you notice anything outta place when you got home? Anything knocked over? Broken?”

“No, everything was just as it should be except Liam was alone in his crib.” 

“Had there been threats by anyone lately?” Sonny asked.

“No, not that he mentioned.” Roxie shook her head, gripping your hand tighter. “He had just resigned, there were no new cases where he angered someone...no reason for anyone to be cross. Who would want to do this?” 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” you said softly. 

“Did you call Nevada?” Roxie asked, turning to you and not caring that Sonny was listening. “Did you ask him i-if he knew anything.”

“He’s not picking up, but I’m going to try again okay? Let’s let the police do their jobs.” You couldn't remember the last time you’d said that.

Liam started to fuss in Helena’s arms, screaming until his tiny face started to go red despite his grandmother trying to rock and calm him. 

“Roxie, why don’t you take a seat with Liam, feed him, whatever you need. I’m going to talk to Y/N and your mom,” Sonny offered. “You have all of SVU on your side, Rafael has always been and will always be family and we don’t take this lightly. We’re gonna find him.” 

Roxie nodded wanting to protest but hearing her son cry changed her mind. She took Liam into her arms and holding him tight. “It’s alright, Liam, it’s going to be okay,” she whispered, moving to the bedroom to rock him and feed him.

After Roxie was gone, Sonny turned back to you.

“Listen, off the record, okay? Any threats made on your end? Towards Rafael, I mean,” Sonny asked. 

You shook your head. “I don’t know what’s happening, Rafael hasn’t pissed anyone off recently that I know of. Unless he was hiding something. He might not tell me but he definitely would have told Roxie. If she doesn’t know, then there was nothing.”

Sonny sighed and closed his notepad. “I just had to ask. Alright, Liv’s out with Fin looking for him and Rollins is tracking his cell phone. We’re gonna find him.” He looked up just as the CSU team walked into the apartment. “Mrs. Hume can you show me to Liam’s room so these guys can dust for prints?”

Helena nodded. “Yes, yes of course, anything to help.” 

---------

Nevada checked the safety on his gun while Jasper dropped anchor before the former got into the inflatable life raft on the starboard side. He could see the yacht a mile or so in front of them and from what they could see from their distance, there didn’t appear to be anyone on deck. Jasper handed off a backpack, which Nevada carefully placed at the front of the raft while the Englishman climbed in.

"How many do you reckon are aboard?" Jasper asked as he yanked on the pull string to start the small engine.

"I don't know. Boat that size, it's gotta be at least ten, right?" Nevada answered. 

"Let's assume fifteen," Jasper muttered, steering the raft towards the large yacht.

"She packs a lot of heat, so we gotta be on point," Nevada said. 

"Just keep them off me while I plant the bomb. We'll have five minutes after I activate it to get back," Jasper replied.

Nevada knitted his brows as he took in the vessel they were headed towards. It seemed far more luxurious than anything Natalia would have, especially considering she wasn't nearly as rich as she had been when he'd first met her. In fact there was only one person he knew of that could easily afford a yacht like the one they were approaching.

"Heeley," he said, almost to himself.

"What?"

"Heeley, that motherfucker. That's gotta be how she got out, how she's been able to make moves without drawing any attention," Nevada replied. "We might get two for the price of one."

"So, twenty men aboard," Jasper mumbled as they came up to the stern and pull up next to a small boat that was tied to the yacht. Tying their raft to the larger vessel as well, they crept onboard, Jasper turning to look at Nevada. "Ten minutes, meet back here."

Nevada nodded, and the two split up, Jasper to plant his explosives in the engine room and Nevada to find Natalia. Stalking along the port side of the yacht, Nevada made his way towards the bow, gun at the ready. A movement from his left had him raising his weapon and firing off a shot, clipping the body coming out onto the deck before he took cover behind a corner as the person shot back and shouted for backup. 

Moving quickly, he fired off another round just as two more men appeared. He shot one in the throat before ducking into a cabin wall just as the second fired round after round in his direction. Waiting for the sound of empty chambers, Nevada held his position until the telltale click. He came out of his cover to shoot again, hitting the man in the chest as he stalked once more towards the bow. He knew with all the gunfire that it would only be a matter of time before more men came, but he had one purpose in that moment.

"Where are you, you fuckin' cunt?" he growled under his breath.

---------

Roxie sat down at the precinct with her son, rocking him back and forth with her arms as she tried to calm him. She had a feeling he could tell something was off. He was crying for nothing. Not for food, not to be changed, nothing. He was just crying. 

“I’m here,” she whispered. “Daddy will be home soon, alright?” 

The waiting so far had been the worst part, not knowing what had happened, wondering if he was alive or dead in a ditch somewhere. 

“As soon as Daddy is back, I’m going to take a week off and we can stay home and spend time together, alright? Just us three.” 

The baby calmed after another moment of rocking as she bounced him gently in her arms. 

“There we go,” she cooed. “All better. You don’t have to worry, Liam. Mummy is here for you. No matter what. She’s here. And daddy will be too.” 

She wasn’t lying, Rafael would be here. She knew he would. He had to be. 

“Roxie,” Olivia called as she moved out of her office and took her usual confident strides over to the British woman, pulling her into a hug. “How are you and Liam holding up?” 

Roxie hugged back. “We’re managing, please tell me you have something.” 

“Fin and I couldn’t find anything on our canvas, but Rollins traced his cell phone,” Olivia began. 

“Oh thank god, and you found him?” She jumped to conclusions too soon, desperate for any hope she could cling to.

“No, it led to a warehouse. I sent Rollins and Carisi there but it was a dead end. All they found were his wallet and phone,” Olivia said regretfully. “But that’s not gonna stop us, we’re going to find him. I have CSU combing every inch of that warehouse, if there’s any prints or anything to tell us more about who was there with him, they’ll find it.”

Roxie offered a bit of a smile. “I know you will,” she mumbled and looked down at her baby then over to where you were talking with another officer.

She watched your phone ring as you looked down at it and walked out of the room. She felt a glimmer of hope, perhaps it was Nevada calling about Rafael. It had to be.

You answered once you were a safe distance away from law enforcement, frowning down at the caller ID. It wasn’t your husband like you’d hoped, it was Sawyer.

“Sawyer?” you answered. Sawyer never called you, there was no reason to. If she was calling there had to have been something wrong. “Are you with Nevada? I can’t get a hold of him.” 

“No I’m not. I’m calling because Captain Williams came to the club,” she said in a panic before her voice lowered to a harsh whisper. “Dama, he’s looking for Nevada.”

“What?” You frowned. “Why?” 

“He’s wanting to arrest him,” she said. “He came to the club and arrested everyone, Dama. Everyone. Me, Chibby, OJ, the dancers...even the guy who refills the vending machine in the break room. I don’t know what he has on us but it’s bad. It’s really, really bad.” 

“Oh my god. Okay, has someone called Rita yet?”

“I think so, yes. They gave me one phone call and I used it to get in touch with you. I needed to warn you. If you see Nevada, tell him to stay away,” she pleaded. 

"Alright, time's up," you heard from behind her and your heart sank. Sawyer wasn’t made for prison, neither was Chibby. You felt sick to your stomach for more than one reason.

“Thank you, Sawyer, thank you,” you whispered, hanging up and trying your husband again. “Come on, come on, Nevada, dammit!”

---------

Rafael made his way to the deck of the yacht, looking around frantically for a way off the boat. There had to be a life raft somewhere, he just had to find it. Turning towards the stern, he began to look for the raft. He had heard shots from somewhere on the deck and knew he didn't have very much time before someone inevitably spotted him. With any luck it was Olivia or Carisi coming to find him.

He could just jump into the water, but with no land in sight there was no telling what might happen if he did. Then he saw it, far into the distance but there nonetheless, another boat. If he could just get to the stern without incident, he could swim to it and hope that whoever was onboard would take him to shore. Keeping low and close to the cabin wall, he made his way towards the stern. 

A figure that walked with a purpose stomped in his direction and Rafael gasped, ducking behind a wall, hand quickly reaching for the gun at his side. He looked down at the weapon to take the safety off and waited with baited breath until the footsteps came closer. As he rounded the corner and raised the gun, he was met with a familiar face.

"Nevada?!" 

His brother-in-law stopped dead in his tracks, eyes widened as he stared back. "What the fuck are you doing here, Rafa?" Nevada demanded, lowering his gun.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Rafael repeated. 

Nevada ignored the question. "Where's Natalia?"

"What?!" Rafael shook his head.

“Natalia, I know she’s here. Where the fuck is she?” 

"I don’t know, I didn’t see her. Look, it doesn't matter, let's just get outta here. Heeley is somewhere on this boat and he wants me dead."

"I want that bitch--"

"--Nevada! My son needs his father, my wife needs her husband and my sister needs hers, too. Let's go!" Rafael answered, engage the safety once again on his gun and grabbing a fistful of his brother-in-law's jacket. He pulled him towards the stern, eyes continuing to scan their path for hostiles.

Nevada clenched his jaw. His vengeance would obviously have to wait until Rafael was safely off the yacht. There wasn’t enough time to get to Natalia and save Rafael. Turning his eyes to his brother-in-law, he shook his head idly. "How the hell did you get here?"

"Heeley kidnapped me out of my apartment," Rafael answered, leg muscles burning from his pace. “I don’t remember much, he must’ve knocked me out somehow.

"It was a challenge, for certain." The sound of Heeley's voice came from behind them and the two men whipped around to face the blonde villain, who was pointing a gun at them. "Now exactly where do you think you're going, Rafael? We haven’t even had a chance to talk."

[unanuvola]

For Sonny and Rafael was hard matching their days off, so every day spent together at home was a pure bliss.

Miraculously, that Sunday they were free from their respective jobs and Rafael invited Sonny to stay at his home.

After a morning cuddling in bed and a brunch cooked by Rafael, they were chilling, still in their pajamas, on the sofa when Sonny looked up from his phone.

“Rafi, what about making our own playlist on Spotify?” he asked, uncertainly.

Rafael closed his book and took off his glasses before looking at Sonny, one of his eyebrow raised. 

“Okay, okay.. Maybe I don’t want to know your opinion. I just want to know, I don’t know.. Do you have a song that reminds you of me?”

“Let me think about it.. Mmh.. No, I don’t have one. Sorry.” Rafael said with his best serious face.

“I don’t believe you, liar! I want to know that song now. C'mon amore mio!” he shamelessly pouted like a baby.

“You’re right, I’m guilty!” he exclaimed, inviting Sonny to sit between his legs. Sonny obeyed without a word, his back on Rafael’s chest. “Corazón..” he whispered, putting a kiss his neck and hugging him from behind, “of course, I have a song that reminds me of you, but..”

“But?”

“But i think that this is kind of private and I’m… embarrassed, okay? Can you believe it? A grown ass man, a fucking ADA who is afraid of nobody, being embarrassed of sharing these personal things with his boyfriend. And now tell me that I’m stupid, I deserve it!”

Sonny turned his head and gently kissed Rafael’s lips. “You’re not stupid, amore. I understand that, after all we started to date just few weeks ago, but please, never be embarrassed of sharing your thoughts or secrets with me. I’ll never judge you.”

“DreamingofyoubySelena.” he said it in one breath.

Sonny frowned and tilted his head because he didn’t understand anything about what his boyfriend said.

“Dreaming of you by Selena.” repeated Rafael.

“Do you know Selena, right?”

“Of course I know her, but, sincerely, I don’t remember that song..”

“Mi sol, some times I forgot how young you are.” Rafael tightened his embrace and started to murmur a familiar melody, “Corazón, I can’t stop dreaming of you, no puedo dejar de pensar en ti,” he kissed Sonny’s earlobe, “I can’t stop dreaming, como te necesito, I can’t stop dreaming of you, mi amor como te extraño.”

Sonny closed his eyes, letting being lulled by Rafael’s warm and deep voice. “This is so beautiful Rafi.. Those words are..” but he couldn’t finish the sentence because Rafael captured Sonny’s lips in a tender kiss.

“When I understood that my feelings for you were changed, I have to admit that I was scared because I don’t even remember the last time that I fell in love with someone. However, this fear doesn’t stop me to always think about you. You are the last person I think before sleeping and the first one I think in the morning and te amo, te amo muchísimo mi amor. I can no longer think of a life without you and your love.”

Sonny felt his eyes tearing up. He just wanted to know if Rafael had a song that reminds of him and instead he received a declaration of love. He turned around, facing Rafael, and returned the kiss, then he lied down between his legs, his head on Rafael’s chest.

“Do you want to know which is my song?” he asked, looking forward to tell him.

“Mmh..” Rafael whispered while caressing, with the tip of his nose, Sonny’s hair.

“Starlight by Muse.”

“By who?”

Sonny tossed him a scandalized look.

“I was joking, I swear, mi amor!” his laugh filled the living room.

“I just want to hold you in my arms!” he sang passionately, without hitting the high note.

"Where can you find another boyfriend more romantic than me?“

"Objection! I’m the most romantic between us.”

“Your objection is overruled! But if the DA Rafael Barba would like to discuss this super serious matter in another place, I would like to recommend the second door on the right.”

“Lawyer Dominick Carisi Jr, are you implying that you would discuss it in my bedroom?” Rafael asked with a fake outrageous expression on his face.

Sonny jumped down from the sofa. “Catch me if you can, old man!” he yelled while running through the hallway and slammed behind his back the door of Rafael’s room. Was he in trouble for calling him ‘old man’? Maybe, but he was sure that it would be a pleasant trouble.

[mforpaul]

Imagine Sonny and Rafael had been casually hooking up and after a big argument about Rafael's commitment issues they. One night while heartbroken and kinda drunk Rafael and Rita go to a tattoo shop and he gets a sun(for Sonny) tattooed on his ring finger. He does a horrible job at hiding it and Sonny spots it within like 2 seconds....fluff/smut proceed in Rafael's office.

Sorry, it took forever for me to answer, but thank you for the ask, anon, it’s very appreciated and here you go!

“Look, Rafael, I feel like this was not the right decision at all if you’re so caught up on him.”

“He was good in bed, that’s it. He was a fucking treasure.” Rafael lifts his Scotch, how many glasses he had drunken this evening he doesn’t know, and empties this one in one go. The liquor burns, but it does nothing to sooth the ache in his chest.

“Gosh, if you start again on how beautiful his dick is I’m gonna choke on that Mojito.” Rita rolls her eyes. While handling her friend’s problems with alcohol is nothing new to her, handling her friend’s broken heart appears is definetely a first.

“His eyes, I said his eyes are beautiful.”

“Yeah, so blue, how could I forget?”

“And his face. The dimples on his cheeks when he smiled.”

“Rafa, you gotta be kidding me.” Rita is substantially drunk herself, but still she had never listened to Rafael Barba talking so... cheesy and moreso desperately.

“And he had freckles on his shoulder. Oh god.” Rafael’s face drops into his palm during the last words. What had he done? “What have I done?”

“Look, Rafa, my dear, you did what you had to do. You didn’t want what he wanted, it’s cruel but that simple. And seriosly, what were you supposed to do? Go to Sunday Mass on Staten Island?”

Rafael groans and looks at Rita with weary eyes. The mist of the booze had already settled heavily over his mind. “He kept asking if I wanted to have breakfast. What do I know? I haven’t had breakfast in years!”

“Okay, that’s enough. Just fuck with someone else.” Rita turns around and gestures the bartender for another round. The bartender is cute, too young for her and with strong arms. Just her type. Too bad Rafael had chosen the place so the chances that this guy is anywhere near straight are slim.

“I wanna fuck him again,” Rafael whines.

“That whitebread over there even looks a little like him. Or look at that black guy over there, these muscles! Yummy!” Rita points at guys in the bar, but Rafael doesn’t look. He’s actually very close to drunk-call him instead.

“Maybe he’s in for bonus night?” Rafael lifts his phone to Rita who shakes her head.

“Okay, new idea. Do you remember that thing I wanted to do twenty years ago after Corey Holland, that asshole, ditched me for Selvina Cooker?”

“You slept with her.”

“Yeah,” Rita smirks. “That was sweet revenge. But before that, I was about to get a tattoo about endorsing my... for seizing the day or something. Let’s do that.”

She doesn’t really want Rafael to get a tattoo, she just wants to do something, anything, that makes him stop drowning in his heartache. And this is how they endup in that little tattoo parlor in Upper Manhattan without wondering why it is opened that late. Her head spins significantly by then and she doesn’t remember much from that point on. Except that the owner’s name is Hoon and he is freshly divorced. Rita decides that he is just the right treat while Rafael gets his tattoo.

*

How Rafael manages to not see him for three weeks after his drunken mistake, he doesn’t know. He had been able to talk down the bandage on his ring finger with the excuse that he got burned while preparing a frita burger for his mother. Rafael doesn’t believe that anyone believes him, does he cook really? And if he does would it be a Cuban burger? Nevertheless, nobody had secondguessed him so far. The bandage is off now for a few days and that thick silver band he is wearing to hide his disaster is an outright hideous fashion choice.

Sonny notes that within the first two seconds after he enters Rafael’s office. 

“Why are you wearing that ring?”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s... very gay, and not in the good way.”

“What?”

“Seriously, Rafi, you’re freaking me out. What is going on?”

“Maybe it’s just a ring someone has given to me.”

“No, it’s not.”

Rafael stares at Sonny for a long moment. It hadn’t slipped his attention that Sonny still used that endearment he wasn’t supposed to use in the first place and he can’t believe how well this man knows him. And why had Rita been compelled to be busy riding that tattoo artist for crying out loud?

It’s only two or three months ago that Sonny had stood at the exact same spot in Rafael’s office. I cannot do this anymore, I feel too much for you to do this. Rafael doesn’t remember what he had answered. Maybe he had repeated the litany of agreements (how Rafael used to call them) or rules (how Sonny used to call them) that had held together their thing. I care for you very, very much. So much. But this is killing me. This is how Sonny had done what Rafael had planned to do all along, end things before it’s getting too hard. Sonny’s question before he left You really don’t have any feelings for me? had remained unanswered.

“Whatever it is, it’s none of your business. By your own wish.”

“Is that a tattoo underneath?”

Rafael in his nervousness had fidgeted with the ring on his finger. Of course, it doesn’t even cover the whole desaster and these piercingly blue eyes had detected what Rafael is trying to hide immediately.

“Rafi, stop freaking me out! Why do you have a tattoo?”

Rafael cannot answer. It feels like something ties around his throat, making it impossible for him to speak.

“It looks like a sword... or a beam maybe. Is that a sun?”

“Why are you so good at this?”

“Because I am a detective!”

“You have to stop talking about this!”

“I won’t!”

“You have to!”

“Then show it to me!”

“NO!”

“Then I won’t shut up!”

He doesn’t quite know how that is possible, but Sonny can be even more stubborn than Rafael. And to be honest, the fact that Sonny finally rounds that desk again to approach Rafael, that he takes Rafael’s hand in his, that he stands too close so that Rafael can smell his scent makes Rafael stand so still as if he wanted to make the world stop turning.

“Why do you have a sun tattooed on your ring finger?”

Sonny had taken off the ring and Rafael just stares into his bright blue eyes. He had missed him so much.

“Rafi?”

Sonny’s voice is only a whisper. Like all these mornings when he had woken up next to him.

Rafael clears his throat. “It stands for Sonny.”

Rafael doesn’t even have the time to feel ashamed for how vulnerable he is making himself because Sonny catches him into a searing kiss.

Sonny’s hands cup Rafael’s face. Their lips are firmly pressed together and Sonny’s tongue strikes into Rafael’s mouth, strong and insistently. 

And when their lips part, Rafael is fine. Because he is pressed against Sonny’s warm body.

“Can we stop being stupid now?”

“I was not stupid, it is just how I feel.” Rafael doesn’t open his eyes, he just relishes Sonny’s presence.

“Can you committ to this anyway?”

“I don’t know... how.”

“Just try, Rafi, just try. This is all I ask.”

Rafael goes on tiptoe and kisses him. Maybe he had been stupid. And this was a bad idea all along.

“For you, yes!”

[ahumanfemale]

The Italian

A little drabble requested by @power-bottom-barba-is-sad, because we never get enough Lucia Barba in this fandom.  Set after SVU was unexpectedly canceled in season 17, so we’ll never know what happened with all those death threats.  - xoxo, ahf. 

“Ma’am, may I see some ID?”

Lucia stopped in place, head slowly turning to the side.

The police officer was painfully young, Hispanic.  Still in uniform and closer to his school years than she would have preferred if his restless shifting was any indication.  Kids could smell principals a mile away, there was a chance she looked like this boy’s mother, and she would have been shocked if this boy was older than twenty-five so she still had the upper hand when she puffed a lock of dark hair out of her eyes and got a better grip on the twin bags of groceries in her arms.

“I’ve done this already,” she told him sternly.  “One of your officers cleared me two weeks ago.”

“I didn’t-, I mean I wasn’t there.  For that.  No one told me about that.”  The boy cleared his throat.  “Ma’am.”

“My name is Lucia Barba.  I’m here to see my son.”

“I understand that, ma’am, but I need to confirm your identity.”

“You have.  Multiple times,” she replied.  “Usually without requiring me to put my groceries on the godforsaken Manhattan sidewalk.”

“Ma’am-”

“Mrs. Barba!”

Lips pursed, Lucia turned to see an older brunette approaching.  

Olivia, badge and gun on her hip where the gunslingers in her mother’s telenovelas used to wear them.  She didn’t think Olivia Benson to be the gunslinger type but the look suited her all the same.

“Lieutenant,” she greeted.  “I’m being kept from my son.”

“What?  Why?”

“Ma’am, Detective Carisi told us-”

“Who?” Lucia interrupted.  “Who told you not to let me see my son?”

“No one,” Olivia said quickly and gave a wide, clearly threatening smile to the boy in front of her.  “Right, Officer… Trujillo?”

“Right,” he said slowly and nodded first at Olivia, then at Lucia.  “Feel free to go on up, Mrs. Barba.  Sorry.”

She huffed a triumphant breath and Olivia smiled.

“All fixed.  Have a nice night, Mrs. Barba,” she said and attempted to go around the back of her, toward the dark SUV parked on the curb, but Lucia didn’t give her the chance.  

“Do you know who hired that man to kill my baby?” she asked, voice strident and foot tapping.  Lieutenant Benson was less susceptible to it than most.  

“Not yet,” she admitted with an apologetic smile.  “But we’re working on it.  And in the meantime, Rafael is in very good hands.”

“Whose?” she asked.  “Whose hands?  Yours?”

“Mine,” she admitted, “And the rest of the squad.  He has people, Mrs. Barba.  Good people who want to protect him and who are going to do their best to figure out who’s behind this.”

Lucia nodded and Olivia stepped away again.

“And you’re leaving?” Lucia called just before getting to the car.

Olivia stopped in place but didn’t turn.

“Yes, Mrs. Barba.  The detective assigned to Rafael for the night is in place upstairs.”

“Do I know him?”

Lucia had to strain to hear, “Poor Carisi.”

“What?”

“Have a good night, Mrs. Barba,” Olivia called over her shoulder with a wave as she circled the car.  “Tell Rafael I’ll see him in the morning.”

“Mmhmm,” she murmured and spared one last withering look at the officer who stopped her before entering the building, who shrunk away under the weight of her disproval.  “No more visitors tonight.  We’re cooking.”

“Yes ma’am.”

…

“Rafi!” she cried, banging on her son’s door.  “Rafael!”

She heard laughter on the other side - not just her son’s.

“Rafael!”

More laughter, possibly something that sounded like footsteps.  She was rearing back to kick the door when it opened, revealing a man distinctly not her son.  Someone tall and blond with too much product in his hair and an easy sort of smile that made Lucia wonder what in the hell he was doing in a five block radius of her son.   

“Who are you?”

“Mrs, Barba,” the man started but she cut him off.

“No, I’m Mrs. Barba.  I want to know who you are.”

“Mami, this is Detective Carisi,” Rafael’s voice told her from behind the blond.  Finally the man stepped aside and she could see her son on the couch, drink in hand.  “He’s one of the detectives from SVU, helping with my security.”

“I’ve heard your name before,” Lucia admitted and then walked past him and into the kitchen.  She could feel eyes on her but ignored them as she set the grocery bags on the counter.  “The boy downstairs said you’re in charge of who sees my son and who doesn’t?”

The detective, flushed now, looked down at his hands.  “Uh, yeah, I guess.  It’s just important that we know-”

“- who his mother is?” Lucia finished for him.  “Because that child downstairs tried to detain me in my own son’s home, when I have been here several times in the last two weeks.  You’re in charge of that?”

“Yes ma’am,” he replied, chastised.  “I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“Perfect,” she said and turned her attention to the food in front of her.  Rafi wouldn’t cook on the best day, much less under stress, and Lucia was determined to stock his refrigerator with two weeks of dinners before she left.  “Rafi, come help me please.  I could use a hand and you clearly aren’t doing anything useful.”

The man was smart enough to recognize it for the dismissal it was, so he told her son that he’d be outside if he needed anything and to enjoy his visit.  Polite, at least, she couldn’t help but notice as Rafael carried a chair outside the door and then closed it behind him - a sight that made her even more suspicious, because Rafael did manual labor for exactly two people and one of those had been dead for over a year.  When he returned to the kitchen it was with a stiff glare in her direction, not that it did anything to deter her.

“Liv called me before you came up,” Rafael started.  “I think it might have been a warning.”

“A warning for what?”

“A warning that you were on the warpath,” he answered and Lucia scoffed.  

“They’ve never seen a warpath.  This is mildly irritated,” she told him and her son laughed because no one knew it like he did.  She looked him over, finding new parts of him that looked thinner.  The circles under his eyes were darker, even if his eyes seemed happy.  “What are you doing with your time?  Are you okay, are they letting you work?”

“I work all the time.”

“Are you… are these people helping you?  Are they working your case, or whatever?” she said, gesturing.

He regarded at her with eyes so direct they looked right through her.

“I’m safe, Mami.”

The shuddering breath that escaped her was probably evidence enough of her worry, her stress, her fear and her relief, but the consolation was for both of them so she accepted it with a tired smile and started pulling groceries out of the twin paper sacks.  

“Good,” she said.  “Now come help me with this mango, I can never unpeel them without breaking a nail.”

She waited until Rafael was next to her, plucking a knife from the rack to butcher the ripe mango on the cutting board in front of him.  He handled it expertly, nimble fingers delicate on the handle and pointedly away from the blade.  Her son didn’t cook, it seemed, but at least he still knew how to help her do it.  Silence reigned in the kitchen while she finished unpacking all her ingredients, started eyeing the range and wondering how many pots she could get going at once.

Outside she heard whistling.

“When you talked about the detective,” Lucia started and to his credit, Rafael didn’t jump in surprise, “You made him sound much younger.”

Rafael’s voice was neutral when he answered, “Ten years younger than me.”

“But not a child,” Lucia pointed out.  “You talk about him like he’s a grade schooler wanting teacher’s attention.  He’s a grown man and I didn’t see any stars in his eyes.”

“You didn’t look hard enough,” he scoffed but Lucia wasn’t falling for it.

“I thought he was Italian.”

“He is Italian.”

“He’s white Italian.”

“So?”

“So you think your mother doesn’t remember how you feel about blue eyes and blond hair?  They make you stupid.  My son can’t be bothered with other Cuban boys, he wants something fair and exotic,” she said pointedly while Rafael looked horrified.  “What?  I know these things.  You think I’m headless and can’t see it for myself?”

“We’re not having this conversation.”

“What conversation?  I’m just saying I notice things.”

“Notice other things.”

“Why?”

“Because my type, whatever that may be, is not something I want to discuss with my mother.  And also because Carisi is… off-limits,” he settled on finally and then gave a small shake of his head like that wasn’t what he wanted to say but couldn’t think of anything better.  “He’s Catholic and if he’s not closeted completely I’d be surprised, not that out and still religious would be any better.  Beyond that, we work together.  He’s a good man.”

“And what are you, a felon?”

“Not if they never catch me.”

“Rafael,” she admonished with a small slap on his arm that made him laugh.  “But this good man is here for you?  He’s watching you?”

“He’s part of my security detail, yes,” Rafael answered and transferred the mango pieces into a bowl while Lucia took an onion from its net bag and set to work on the cutting board next to him.  “Both Olivia and Rollins have young children so he’s been kind enough to volunteer more of his time while Fin coordinates the uniforms.”

“That’s a fairly unimaginative way to say he wants to spend time with you,” Lucia observed and Rafael had already started shaking his head.  “No, it is.  The least he could have done is wait until someone didn’t want to hurt you.”

This made him laugh and after forty-five years, Lucia had yet to find a better sound in all the world.  

If Rafael Barba was still capable of laughing, things would be okay.

It meant Rafael trusted his friends, his colleagues.

It meant he trusted the pretty white boy outside his door, whistling, because he was respectful enough to want Rafael to have an uninterrupted visit with his mother.

“It’s probably killing him, you know,” Rafael told her in a low voice.  

“What is?”

“The man outside that door has probably never had a mother dislike him in all his thirty-five years and you just rush in and yell at him and banish him to the hallway,” her son said but there was a sparkle in his eye that told her he found it funny, too.  “He’s probably questioning his entire life about now.”

“Well,” she sighed and set down the knife.  “Go let him in.”

Rafael looked over at her, trying not to grin.  “What was that?”

“Go let the Italian in the apartment,” she clarified.  “If he’s going out of his way to keep my son safe then he has a seat at my table.”

“My table, Mami,” he reminded kindly but pressed a kiss to her temple all the same.  She tried to pretend it didn’t warm her up from her polished toes.  “And thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” she warned, brow drown as Rafael walked to the front door.  Looking relaxed, looking happy.  Looking distinctly unworried about the man who had threatened to kill him.  “He still has to spend a dinner with your mother.”

“He should be so lucky,” Rafael told her smugly, as though dinner with an old woman were a treat, and she was reminded once again at how lucky she was to have such a good boy.  

“Flatterer,” she murmured and went back to dicing onion.  The blade was heavy and all too familiar in her hand and cut through the vegetable’s flesh with hardly an ounce of pressure on her part.  Lucia continued, “If he knows what’s good for him, he will be too.”

[laurelsalexis]

sonny gets rafael a gift and he’s unsure how to feel about it. ao3

Rafael didn’t normally spend copious amounts of time in Sonny’s apartment. For one, he just prefers to be in his own space. For two, he’s historically been working late hours and his office is the only place he sees most of. For three, Sonny just hadn’t bothered on asking him to stay. They somehow always ended up at his apartment. Until he got called to a crime scene a few too many times having to wear suits from the previous day. Since then Rafael casually shifted to spend more time at Sonny’s apartment.

Not that it always helps the whole being late thing, but at the very least Sonny is dressed in clean clothes.

Being more at Sonny’s apartment over his own doesn’t exactly hurt given he doesn’t quite have a job he needs to be at. He’s taking something of a vacation and that’s his excuse for simply letting Sonny kiss him on the forehead before he left the apartment to go to the job he still has. He’s too comfortable and warm to bother moving.

His body seems to be catching up on years of lost sleep, leaving him rolling around in bed well into the mid morning hours. The only reason he even rises is to actually get something to eat. He’s starving and maybe there will be some light snooping. Not that Sonny is all that shy about talking about anything that Rafael asks. No, he’s pretty much an open book and they even decided to talk about their families later when they were both in the mood for it.

So never.

He stretches as best as he can while still in the bed, rolling over, his eyes being met with a box and a note. It’s a gift, can tell before he even fully focuses on it. Grabbing the small piece of paper he rolls his eyes as Sonny wrote him some overly mushy note explaining that he got him a gift and no, he won’t take it back.

Rafael likes to be the one to give gifts rather than receive them, but he knows that Sonny is serious. Even underlined that he was serious with some exclamation points and there’s something cute about the heart at the end of his name.

Sometimes he really cannot deny Sonny what he wants.

It’s all too obvious what it is when he opens the box. Sonny’s been wearing an Apple Watch on his wrist for as long as he could remember, and they’ve even had some light jesting back and forth about Rafael’s watch. Which he does like the watch he currently wears. It tells the time. It is not as if he needs it to do anything else and certainly not given that he had a Blackberry given to him by the DA’s office.

But then he quit his job and found himself with an iPhone and moving through all of the apps. It’s a nice phone, he does admit when Sonny is kissing at his neck and bugging him about it.

The watch is still ridiculous.

He removes it from the box and instantly rolls his eyes. More so at himself because there is something about it he does like. Probably because Sonny has gifted it to him and even if he doesn’t admit this there isn’t actually much he wouldn’t do for Sonny.

The first thing he does is put it on because why not? It’s nice, comfortable, the dark blue of the band looks nice against the slight tan of his skin. It’ll look nice and pretentious when he’s not wearing anything overly formal as he figures out what exactly he’s going to do with the rest of his life other than spend far too much time with Sonny.

He even plans to make him dinner and he feels much more like a kept man than he ever did before. He’s worked every moment that he could. It just feels…odd.

The watch winds up back in the box as he showers and finds something to eat. By some miracle, Sonny does have something worth eating but he’s always been more of a cook out of the two of them. Sonny likes to do it and Rafael has to do it. Just one of the many differences between the two of them.

It doesn’t take him long to feel as if the damn box is mocking him and to set it up, scrolling through the apps and wondering what he can possibly need all of these for.

It’s not as if he’s running often or ever. That time he bought the outfit just to chase Rollins down still remains in one of his drawers to never be used again. He doesn’t even favor wearing sneakers at any given time, something about them annoying him. In addition to that he didn’t have the time and it’s been so cold that cannot be good for working out.

Really, it’s just a list of excuses and he’s perfectly fine with where he is.

Before he knows it two hours have passed and he’s still unsure about the watch and why he needs it.

That’s exactly it though - he doesn’t need it.

Yet, he doesn’t have the heart to tell Sonny that he would truly prefer his old watch that is suspiciously missing.

He doesn’t worry over it since Sonny would never actually rid of it. Probably just hid it somewhere Rafael won’t look. He gets distracted when the watch tells him he’s been sitting for too long and something about actually needing to get up to complete some daily goal.

Should have known that randomly pushing a few of the apps would backfire against him.

He has been sitting for too long but that is hardly the point.

He is bored and annoyed. A trip out into the actual city he pays a small fortune to live in seems in order, finding something appropriate to wear. It’s cold, cloudy, and there’s a light dusting of snow over the city, making it less than ideal. He’s trying to get out of the suit wearing habit, opting for a sweater, to go with the trousers.

Start small.

A text is sent to Sonny that he’ll meet him for dinner after work rather than make something as he has suddenly become too intently set on trying to find out a way to actually make the damn watch work.

He rolls his eyes when Sonny actually sends his own heartbeat.

Ridiculous.

He ends up smiling, of course, but that is hardly the point.

By the fifth ridiculous message from Sonny, though, he begins to wonder if the watch was a questionable idea.

He puts on the outdoor walk feature so he can at least feel somewhat productive as he walks down the busy streets at the pace that he perfected was he a kid, only to nearly lose when he was off at Harvard.

It’s beginning to snow again, though, and he’s cold. Coffee is the thing he seeks out near immediately and ignores the buzz of the watch when it’s definitely Sonny saying something. Again.

Hardly as if the number of messages is increasing with the addition. Rather Rafael was doing his best to use his phone less and usually read the ones from Sonny all in one sitting after realizing he shouldn’t ignore everyone. But now with the watch on his wrist it’s instant when he can check with just a twist of his wrist.

Rafael ignores the watch though. He can read the news but quite likes paying for the paper and sitting in the coffee shop as he drinks from the cup and watches the snowfall. He likes that he doesn’t need to be anywhere in the middle of the day even if he feels a bit…lazy.

As it turns out the message is from his mother making certain that she knows the Sunday dinner is not option for either of them. They will both be sitting at her dinner table and playing nice. She uses his trial and secret boyfriend above his head too many times to count and he complies each and every time.

There are three more messages from Sonny as he does paperwork at his desk and saying he’ll be late.

Two more heartbeats so he knows Sonny isn’t dying or something equally ridiculous.

Rafael sends his own only once and that’s all he can ask for.

Affection is not his strong suit, nor has it ever been. His therapist that time he was appointed to one after a case gone terribly wrong down in Brooklyn had suspected it had something to do with his childhood and parents. Rafael would not necessarily disagree but he hasn’t been back to any therapist ever since it was proven that the job was not driving him absolutely mad.

But Sonny is quite the opposite. He likes to touch and kiss, he likes when they’re close and nearly on top of each other, he likes the soft messages and the dumb heartbeats that only a ridiculously overpriced technical watch can provide.

It’s a compromise and he’s trying.

That’s all anyone can ask.

By the time he’s entering the building to the precinet the snow is settled on the ground and if they’re lucky it will not pick back up again until they are home.

Home.

He is not going to focus on how home has become synonymous with Sonny.

It’s a heavy weight he’s not ready to mess with just yet.

Sonny is at his desk focusing on the paperwork as Rafael moves from the elevator to where he’s sitting. Liv’s door is shut and from the blinds he can see Stone is with her.

He leans against Sonny’s desk, crossing his arms, looking down at the man who is trying to keep it somewhat professional. Even if they don’t work together and he’s certain everyone knows they are together.

No need to hide anything.

“Hey, Siri. Text Sonny. Why exactly are you so ridiculous?” He’s smiling the entire time, though, hitting send, and noticing that Sonny isn’t doing much better at keeping it together.

“You like your gift?”

“It’s…” he pauses, trying to find the right word, “a gift you would get me.”

“Welcome to this century, Rafi.” Sonny replies with a shake of his head, smile wide and big as always.

Green eyes narrow, just slightly. “Are you calling me old?”

“I never said that.”

“But you’re not disagreeing.” He hums softly, enjoying the teasing.

Sonny puts his pen down, turning in his chair so he’s looking up at Rafael, the one time that ever happens. “Your hair is graying.”

“So is yours.” He moves his fingers through Sonny’s hair. “More than mine. You should use less gel.”

“You keep saying that.”

“And you keep using the whole bottle.” The tease is soft, fingers running along the line of his jaw, finding he did miss him. He was able to see so much of Sonny before but now, he goes off to work as Rafael tries to figure out his new life path. He can do anything he wants and that thought doesn’t bring him comfort, not when he’s so unsure.

He’s never been so unsure about anything in his life.

“I’m starting to think you don’t deserve that watch.”

“Mm, I don’t.” He leans in, not caring about the vague idea to keep things work place professional, a little too close. “But I’ll make it up to you. Later. After you shower.”

“You can shower with me.” He says as casual as ever, swallowing, trying not to smile. The corners of his lips twitch up anyway.

“Siri, text Sonny.” He speaks into the watch. “The watch is entirely unnecessary but I love that you thought of me.”

“I’m right here.”

“You need to get your money’s worth.”

Sonny leans in and kisses him, hand on the side of Rafael’s neck to hold him closer. Rafael smiles against his lips, taking ahold of Sonny’s tie, wanting him to never move from where they both were.

“How much longer?” Rafael murmurs, giving a slight tug of his tie.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He pulls back with a too wide smile, a sparkle in those blue eyes of his. “It wasn’t asked through Siri. I can’t reply.”

“Shame.” Rafael cannot help but smirk. “And here I thought you’d like showering with me.”

“Siri,” Sonny talks to his own watch, “text Rafael and tell him ten minutes.”

“Oh, look at that. He replies.”

Sonny situates himself so he can go back to finishing up the paperwork. Not that Rafael moves, rather only finds himself more comfortable half seated on the desk.

“How’s it going with Stone?” He asks after a few moments, eyes shifting back to Liv’s office.

Sonny shrugs. “He’s not you.”

“I’d hope not.”

“You know what I mean.”

Just then the office door opens, the pair walking out and talking about something Rafael can’t and likely doesn’t want to hear. “Liv seems to be doing fine.”

Sonny shrugs once more, focused on the papers.

“Detective Carisi. Barba” Peter greets, handing Sonny a file, focusing on him over Rafael. “I need you to go over this for case prep tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sure. No problem.” He offers a polite smile.

Rafael folds his arms across his chest, watching the man with an uncertainty. Seems nice enough but he did attempt to prosecute him so he doesn’t think they’ll be getting drinks any time soon. Justified or not.

“Goodnight.” Peter says after a moment, turning around and walking off.

Rafael can feel Liv looking on and he just shrugs in return to her curious look. They talk as much as they had before, just not really about the new ADA. Much preferred it that way.

“Oh, yeah. I’m way more entertaining than that.” Rafael breaks the ice, a soft smirk as he turns back to Sonny.

Sonny rolls his eyes, but does laugh. “Come on.” He stands, “before it starts snowing and you grow unappreciative of my gift.”

“I would never.” Rafael replies in a tone that is filled with mock offense.

Sonny gives him a pointed look as he puts on his jacket, grabbing Rafael’s hand with an ease that they’ve grown into over the past few weeks. It’s comfortable. It’s good. He likes it.

“Night, Lieu.” Sonny says to Liv as they pass her office door, a soft goodnight and keep out of trouble offered from where she sat behind her desk.

Rafael stops him before they get to the elevator, looking up at Sonny. “I love you and I do appreciate the watch.”

“I know.” He smiles in one those pure and gentle ways that can make anyone’s heart beat faster. “I love you, too.”

[emweaver]

Winter Light

Here it is. That flashback scene between Rafael and Hunter I’ve talked about a few times. I’m not entirely sure about the timeline of my story (really need to do something about that!), but this is at the beginning of their relationship, maybe a few weeks or so after they’ve first met. 

Winter Light

"Where do you want me?" Hunter asked, stepping out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a pair of cut-off jeans and the long brown leather shoelace wound around his neck as a piece of cheap jewelry. The smoky-eye makeup he'd done was deliberately smudged and his pupils were tiny in a clear sign of being under the influence of Bliss, making his pale blue eyes look enormous.

Rafael's heart skipped a beat at the sight, his breath catching in his chest. On the one hand, he loved Hunter's sleek feline movements and the way he seemed so comfortable in his own skin. On the other hand, he absolutely hated the drugs, the reasons why Hunter used them, and what they did to him.

"Earth to Rafi," Hunter called, coming up to him with a playful smile on his face, reaching with a hand to stroke a pair of fingertips across his cheek before leaning in for a kiss. Pulling away, he looked Rafael in the eye, while he kept his hand on his cheek, raising a brow in a questioning expression. "Where did you want me?"

He blinked, still savouring the gentle touch on his cheek and the taste of Hunter's lips on his. He made it so hard to focus sometimes, and Rafael wasn't even sure if Hunter realised how much of a distraction he could be just by doing those little things. A touch. A smile. A sideways glance in his direction. "Yeah, sorry," he said, waving over to the large window with the built in seat. The late afternoon sun was streaming in by now, and it would make the most perfect backdrop with Hunter sitting there. Bathed in winter light. Not unlike a saint, and yet so very unlike a saint. "By the window. Leaning on the brick, one leg up, the other stretched."

Walking over to the window, Hunter's hips swayed in the most sensual and alluring way, and Rafael had to draw in a deep breath, thinking of cold showers and ice baths, to keep himself from grabbing Hunter and dragging him over to the bed in the other corner of the loft. Instead, he just watched as Hunter arranged his beautiful body in the way he'd been told, taking the initiative to put his arm on the raised knee in a relaxed pose, which he made look so easy and effortless. Head back against the brick, he turned to look out the window with a look of yearning, and once again Rafael felt his breath taken away. "Like this?" Hunter asked, looking sideways at Rafael without moving a single muscle.

"Perfect."

For long seconds, he just stood there, enjoying the view, then had to shake himself mentally to remember what it was he was supposed to be doing here. After turning on the music - an hours-long mix of centuries worth of instrumental tracks - Rafael went to the easel, stood there for a moment, then moved it, so he could better capture that amazing expression on Hunter's face, still turned away but now more in profile. Picking up a piece of charcoal, he started sketching out the foundation in quick strokes, getting the lines of Hunter's body and face onto canvas, filling the empty white space with dark lines.

With the rough sketch done, Rafael wiped his fingers in his jeans, leaving streaks of black on top of denim that already had several layers of paint splatter, dusty chalk, and charcoal worked into it.

Meanwhile, Hunter seemed completely oblivious to anything going on, sitting still as a statue. If it hadn't been for the occasional slow blink of his eyes, and the slow shallow rise and fall of his chest, Rafael could easily have been fooled into thinking that what he had in front of him was a very realistic mannequin or one of those new androids they said were almost indistinguishable from humans. "Hey," he called, despite not really wanting to disturb that image of perfection sitting in the window. "You doing okay over there, Hunt?"

"Hmm?" came the reply, after a long pause as if Hunter had to struggle to return to reality from wherever he'd gone in the past fifteen or twenty minutes. Still, he didn't move, his gaze still on something out there that Rafael couldn't see, and maybe something that was only in Hunter's mind. "Yeah. I'm good." Shifting his head just a fraction, his eyes narrowed a bit as his brow furrowed, a look of confusion that marred his features, voice slow and slurred as he spoke. "Did you finish? Guess I spaced out there, Rafi... sorry."

Doped out more like it, Rafael thought, wincing at himself at the bitterness in those words. It wasn't fair to blame Hunter for his addiction. Certainly not when he had addictions of his own, and though they took on a different form, they were possibly even more life threatening than Hunter's drug use. "No," he said, picking up the palette to begin smearing paints out on the already well-used and multicoloured surface. "I finished the sketch, but I still want to get a bit of paint on it before we call it a day."

"Mm, good," was the only thing Hunter said before falling silent again, forehead relaxing and the yearning look out the window resumed. What a fabulous actor he'd have made, Rafael thought as he began mixing paints, starting with the faded sunset light - almost coppery in its colour - that streamed in through the large window. Falling into a trance of his own, Rafael worked colours into the canvas, slowly transforming it from a stark black and white piece into that of a beautiful body bathed in light.

"Rafi?" came the voice, cutting through his concentration and focus. Made him realise that it was dark and the light he'd tried to copy onto the canvas was long since gone. The painting was far from finished, but he'd made a good start, managing to capture the essence of the winter sunset, and the young man posed at the window, watching it. That same young man had disappeared from his spot now, Rafael saw, just as he felt a hand reach for his to gently remove the paintbrush from it and lay it aside before prying the palette from the other hand. Arms closing around his waist, Hunter rested his chin on Rafael's shoulder, looking at the painting in front of them. "It's beautiful."

"It's not done."

"Still beautiful. You can't tell me any different."

"It'll be better when it's finished," Rafael insisted, but anything else he might have said was cut off by a kiss to the crook of his neck, right at the sweet spot, which sent a shiver down his spine and made him close his eyes. Just like Hunter, knowing exactly how to get under his skin and make him stop worrying over an unfinished painting, or composition, or anything, really.

"Come on," Hunter said, his hot breath on Rafael's neck as he turned them both around, then slid his arms away from Rafael's waist to take his hand instead, dragging him over to the bed with him. "Time for a break."

"Yes," was all Rafael said as he was led to the bed, gently pushed down and turned around to lie on his belly. Warm fingers slid under the hem of his t-shirt to remove it and toss it aside. He was exhausted, his muscles hard and tense, all his energy having gone into the painting, but under Hunter's capable and confident massage, he became soft and relaxed, spinning away into an entirely different kind of trance. In that space between being awake and falling asleep, he turned around and dug his fingers into Hunter's hair, pulling him close to capture his lips in a long, slow, and lazy kiss. How he loved the taste of Hunter's lips, the shape of them, and how the lower one seemed to fit just perfectly between his teeth as he bit it lightly.

Content with slow, sensual kisses, and the feel of Hunter's hands all over his skin, Rafael could hardly imagine a better way to put an end to a wonderfully exhausting session. He was like putty in Hunter's hands, and in that regard it was all too easy to imagine his lover as the true artist in this relationship; one who could make the art of lovemaking into a masterpiece that would be utterly unforgettable in times to come. Tonight was no different, and over the next few hours, Rafael forgot all about being tired and allowed himself to become the subject of Hunter's so very artistic hands and body, taking him to a place filled only with deep satisfaction and ecstasy.

When he woke the next morning, he didn't even have to open his eyes to know that Hunter had already gone. The space beside him was cold and empty, the sound of breathing absent. No noise came from the bathroom, or the small kitchenette in another corner of the loft. A sharp jab of pure disappointment made its way into Rafael's heart, and he snapped a breath at the emotion. It was no surprise, no new thing, but it hurt just as much every time. Hunter would take him to heaven, and then just as easily leave him in a cold and desolate hell the next morning in order to go in search of the satisfaction of his other addiction. Rafael hated that part, and yet, he could not deny a deep and all-consuming love for Hunter. One that he feared might be his undoing.

Sighing, he rolled out of bed, stretched and padded to the bathroom to get a start to the day.

[mascaracoffee]

Attacked ~Rafael Barba Imagine~

Rafael Barba X OC (Kelly)

Summary: Rafael Barba believes he is keeping his family safe by keeping the threats a secret. However, Barba is shaken when the threats materialize too close to home and suddenly everything Barba holds dear is Attacked.

Warnings: Assault, Anxiety attack, cursing 

A Baby Changes Everything 

She was perfect. Her thick dark hair was full of body and was already beginning to show signs of curls that tickled her small, delicate ears. She had inherited my blue eyes encased in long, dark lashes and Rafael’s mouth and a small, button nose was nestled between her full, round cheeks. She was a blessing, our little miracle.

Gabriella Lucia Barba

I smiled softly before finally pushing myself away from her crib. I stopped to switch on the monitor on the dresser before gently closing the door.  Sighing, my bare feet carried me to the living room where I fell into the couch with a content sigh. I smiled pulling a plush stuffed bunny into my lap from behind my back and smiling softly.

It was unbelievable what a small little girl could change in just two months of life. I especially loved the change I saw in Rafael. His normal stoic disposition had crumbled once he laid eyes on his little girl, he was completely and utterly wrapped around her little finger. Let Gabby even whimper and Rafi was there checking on her with a kiss and a song.  I had even become a morning person when my mornings consisted of waking up to Rafael singing to Gabby as he made the first round of his morning coffee.  Our normally orderly, clean, quiet apartment was now filled with 3 am feedings and diaper changes stuffed animals and pacifiers. I don’t know how we ever survived without her.

A knock on the door broke my train of thought and my brows furrowed in confusion glancing at the clock. It was 10:45, Rafi said he would swing by for a quick lunch around 1. A habit he had formed when he returned back to work. ‘That’s odd’ I thought. Our usual visitors were all at work, my parents had flown back home weeks ago and Rafael and Lucia had a key.

I stood up and walked to the door before opening it enough to stick my head out.

“Can I help you?”

The question rolled off my tongue as I examined the stranger. He was taller than me around 5’6 with a stocky build. His hair was buzzed and faded down the sides into a beard. He was dressed in all black and his tan skin and dark eyes made me think Latino.

“Yeah, is this the Barba residence?”

“Yes.” I quirked an eyebrow questioningly, keeping my grip on the door handle firm.

He smirked. “My name is Manny. I,uh, I know Rafael we went to school together in the Bronx. I ran in to him on the street a couple weeks ago and he gave me his card” he stopped momentarily to fish the card out of his pocket “said I could drop by and we could catch up on old times.”

I took the card from him and examined it.

Rafael Barba ADA

Along with his contact information, his office address and suite number, on the back of the card I recognized Rafael’s messy scrawl that spelled out our home address.

“Oh” I opened the door a little more for proper conversation. “Well Rafi isn’t home right now but he should be in soon for lunch.” I chewed on my lip softly “ Would you like to come in?”

“Thank you.” Manny smiled accepting my offer and following me into the living room. He shed his jacket and took a seat on the couch as I took a seat on the couch opposite of him.

“So you must be Kelly. Rafael couldn’t stop talking about you when I ran in to him.”

I blushed deeply absentmindedly twisting my wedding ring in place.

“That would be me.” I smiled.  “We’ve been married almost two years now.”

“That’s great. Seems ole Rafi is doing good for himself.” Manny nodded his eyes inspecting the apartment.  “Did you two meet at Harvard?”

“I was actually an ADA with him here in New York. I had just moved up here from New Orleans so the DA put me with Rafi until I got adjusted. Just helping him with big cases and such so we spent many a sleepless nights together going over case notes and testimonies over Chinese takeout and scotch.” I chuckled.  The conversation continued to flow casually about mine and Rafi’s life for a few minutes.

“I always looked up to Rafael growing up. He was older than me but I admired him ya know?”

“I know exactly what you mean. Rafael just seems to have that spark that naturally pulls people to him. He’s so dedicated to his work and he’s so goal driven. Or it could just be his snark.”I laughed.

I smiled at Manny. It was so nice to have someone to talk to that knew Rafi from when he was younger. Since the incident with Alex and Eddie, Rafael didn’t talk much about his past before Harvard. I believed he blamed himself in some ways for going to Harvard and leaving Eddie to be manipulated by Alex. It was nice to have someone shed some light on Rafael from his younger years.

“He gets that from his dad.” I froze. “I remember wishing how my dad would be more like him take me to baseball games and go with the family to church. I know he’s proud of Rafael.”

That wasn’t right. Rafael’s father was a terrible, abusive drunk who never made time for Rafael. His father had hurt him so terribly we as a couple still had to find ways to maneuver around the obstacles. Not to mention his dad died while he was away at college.  He seemed to know so much the Bronx and Harvard surely he would know about Rafael’s father?  This was all beginning to feel very wrong and Manny seemed to notice my change in disposition.

“Why don’t I just call Rafael? That way he’ll know you’re here.” I went to stand up when Manny shot up quicker, pulling something from his pocket.

“Don’t. Move.”

I froze seeing the knife glimmer in the light before I met his eyes.

“Yeah seems ole Barba’s doing well for himself. Upscale apartment in Manhattan,” Manny  walked around  tossing over an end table. I jumped as the table collided nosily with the hardwood the contents it held shattering to the ground. He rounded the coffee table and came closer to me lifting the knife to my chest “gorgeous wife” He gripped my sweater in one hand use the knife to slice through the material before it ripping it the rest of the way off me. A whimper falling from my lips as the sweater was ripped away, I cringed and shut my eyes. “beautiful baby girl.”

My head snapped toward him, ice running through my veins, as he mentioned Gabby.

“P-Please! Please don’t hurt my baby!” I begged. My heart was thudding in my ears seeming to cloud over my senses. “The-there’s a safe in Rafael’s office I’ll give you the combination I’ll give you my jewelry. Anything you want just please don’t hurt her!”

Fear was coursing through my veins mixed with the adrenaline and the nerve to fight. But fighting wasn’t that easy, not this time. It wasn’t just my life on the line here. He knew about Gabby, I had my daughter to think about. I had to make sure she was safe.

Manny chuckled before pushing me down onto my knees roughly, his hand gripping my shoulder tightly.

“Oh you’re gonna do what I want Mama. That’s for damn sure.”

I felt the bile rise in my throat as he used one hand to unclasp his belt buckle that was before my face. The other hand holding the knife loosely  to my face. How could I trust If I did what he wanted he wouldn’t hurt Gabby? I couldn’t give him the upper-hand with my cooperation. As he shoved his dark jeans down his thighs I took the distraction and pushed my body weight into his causing him to lose his balance. From there it was strictly a fight response.

Rafael Barba had always considered himself a levelheaded man, able to think through rationally before jumping to fear, but that wasn’t the case today. Rafael had never felt so terrified in his entire life. When Rollins and Finn had met him outside his office he expected them to talk about their upcoming case, perhaps new evidence or a new witness, never would he have guessed they were coming to tell him that his wife had been attacked in their home.  Once Rollins had pulled in front of the apartment building the fear intensified seeing the numerous patrol cars and the ambulance.  Rafael raced up to his apartment, pushing and shoving others out of the way.

“That’s my wife” Rafael growled as a rookie attempted to stop him from entering the living room. He quickly threw the officer’s arms away from him and pushed by.

Rafael felt as if the world had crashed down around him. Liv sat beside Kelly, holding one of her hands, as her statement was being taken, an EMT applying butterfly sutures to her cut cheek. Her right eye was swollen shut and turning a nasty purple hue, her lip busted.  Rafael’s observant eyes could make out the faint, purple outline of handprints around her slim throat.

“Oh Carino” Rafael whispered pushing himself closer to her.

“Rafi” Kelly said, her voice breaking and tears filling her eyes as she reached out toward him. The EMT stepped back having finished his job as Rafael gently embraced his wife holding her head to his chest as he felt tears wet the front of his suit. He closed his eyes and muttered prayers, thanking God that she was alive.

“Where’s Gabby?” Rafael asked his head turning from side to side looking for his daughter, a new course of fear beginning to pump through him.

“Sonny has her.” Olivia nodded to the tall, blonde Staten islander who held his small daughter in his lanky arms.

After taking a quick sweep of the room, Rafael felt his knees weaken as he saw Kelly’s sweater that she had been wearing earlier that morning, torn on the floor being tagged and photographed as evidence.  It was then that the ADA noticed his wife wearing one of his old tattered Harvard tshirts.

“Oh God, ” Rafael started with a raspy breath “Did he..

“No” Kelly whimpered into his chest shaking her head. “He tried, but he didn’t.”

“Oh mi amor” Rafael whispered solemnly placing kisses into her hair “lo siento, lo siento”

“He said he knew you Rafi” Kelly hiccupped as she pulled away to look up at him. “He said he went to school with you and he had your card with our address on the back and I-I…let him in.” Kelly wailed falling into a fit of tears again clutching on to Rafael desperate for his forgiveness.

From the moment her neighbor, Mr. Atkinson, had arrived at her apartment hearing the commotion to the second of relief she felt when the assault had stopped, Kelly had been flooding herself with regret and self-loathing. Why had she let that man into her home?

 Once Manny had fled, startled by Mr. Atkinson’s presence, Kelly rushed to her wailing daughter’s nursery. She had held her daughter tightly to her chest before the EMT’s begged her to be evaluated in which Sonny offered to take the little girl. Kelly was sick to her stomach at the thought of the danger she had put not only herself, but her daughter in.

Rafael’s heart felt as if it had solidified into stone and dropped into his gut when Kelly mentioned the business card. The one that he had filled out for the man that threatened his life on the courthouse steps, the man was smart, using the card to his advantage and turning the tables on Rafael.  Barba felt the color drain from his face, he took a shaky breath as Kelly buried her face into the crook of his neck her hand playing with the hair on the nape of Rafael’s neck, a tick she had developed subconsciously over the years.

“Barba” Liv looked at Rafael after scribbling something on her notepad.  “Could this be the man who’s been threatening you?”

Rafael’s body stiffened solid. Kelly’s cries ceased for a moment before she sniffed and pulled away from her husband slowly.

“Wh-What?” Kelly looked between Rafael and Liv, her blue eyes settling on Rafael’s desperate for an answer. “What is she talking about Rafael?”

Barba visibly gulped, his mouth drying as he searched for the right words to explain himself. Liv’s face had blanched considerably seeing the fire she had created. Rafael closed his eyes and took a breath.

“Its been going on about a year” He began “just ridiculous phone calls but a few months ago a man showed up outside the courthouse threatened to bust my head open on the steps. I told him if he really wanted to kill me he should have to come to my house. I never thought he would actually do it so I-I gave him our address.”

A look of horror marred Kelly’s face. Tears spilled over her blue eyes as Rafael tightened his grip on his wife’s wrist desperate for her to stay close to him, a sign that he would read as she forgave him. He could see the distance growing between them just from the look in her eyes.

“Let go of me” she spat forcing her arms out of Barba’s grip.”Estas pero si bien pendejo! (You’re a fucking idiot)” She moved away from him, gathered Gabriella from Sonny’s arms and proceeded through the door to Gabriella’s nursery, the door slamming shut in her wake.

Barba sighed dragging his hands over his face repeatedly, he was emotionally drained.  Liv stood from her seat, fumbling with her notepad.

“Barba, I’m sorry I didn’t realize Kelly didn’t know about the threats.”

“No, its my fault.” Barba sighed. “I should have told her.  Keep me updated on this?”

Kelly choked back the sobs as she moved back and forth between Gabriella’s dresser and an open bag, she stuffed more clothing and toys into the bag. She held the small child close to her heaving chest as the door opened. Rafael entered the pastel colored room and closed the door before his gaze landed on the partially full bag of clothes and diapers. His shoulders visibly slumped and his eyes widened and clouded over in terror.

“Please don’t leave” he whispered, his voice soft, vulnerable trembling with emotion. “Please don’t take Gabby from me either.”

 Kelly didn’t respond, a tearful sob emitting from her mouth. Her chest was heaving, her head swimming a thousand miles a minute. Kelly’s breaths were coming in short, unsuccessful gasps her body began shaking. Rafael recognized the signs and gently approached her and coaxed Gabriella from her arms, placing the baby in her crib. Kelly sat on the sofa futon across from the crib and brought her head to her knees.  She buried her face in her hands as she sobbed, her shoulders shaking. Rafael felt his heart clench as he took a seat beside his wife.  He gently grasped her wrists and whispered encouraging words.

“Look at me, focus on me carino por favor. Deep breaths.”

Barba chalked it up as a victory when he finally saw her blue eyes. Her chest still shook in uneven sputters but the shaking had lessened.

“How could you keep this from me Rafi? How could you give him our address?” the questions flew from her mouth in a painful spiral. Each question bringing forth more emotion, as Kelly struggled to keep herself from falling back into another attack.

“I didn’t want to worry you.” Rafael confessed. “When it first started I didn’t take it seriously. I had been threatened before and nothing ever came of it I figured why would it now? I had more important things to worry about like preparing for Gabriella to be born.” Rafael paused nodding his head toward the crib. His voice trailed off as he seemed to be lost in thought before he took a ragged breath.  “Then at the courthouse we had just had Gabby and I didn’t think he would actually do it.” He turned to face Kelly gently reaching her hands as he spoke “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

“How could you think I’m so weak?” Kelly looked at him properly for the first time. The tears making her blue eyes glisten. “I’m not breakable Rafi! How could you keep this from me? When we got married we said we would never keep things from each other! When are you going to realize its not just you anymore, its not just us, we have a daughter to worry about!”

For once the Harvard educated lawyer was speechless. What could he say to justify an action that didn’t even deserve justifying?

“I would never intentionally put you or Gabby in danger” Rafael said his eyes pleading. “You know that don’t you?”

“I don’t know what to think Rafi.” She whimpered. “I knew you wouldn’t give our address to someone who was threatening you, especially knowing Gabby and I are here alone, but you did. If you’re not going to think about us then I have to. God, Rafael what if he had done something to Gabby?” the mere thought was sickening to her stomach as she clasped a hand over her mouth. Her head was beginning to pound along with her erratic heartbeat.

“Carino please” Rafael pleaded, dropping to his knees before her “You and Gabby are my world! I would do anything for you two. Giving him our address was the biggest mistake of my life; putting you two in danger like this will haunt me until my dying day. I-I thought I was being brave, standing up to him. Please, I know I can’t fix this but please don’t leave. Let me get you and Gabby a protective detail, I have to know the two of you are safe. Por favor, don’t just leave.”

“And what about you?” Kelly asked more calmly staring straight ahead, wiping at her wet cheeks before pushing herself to a standing position pulling her hand from Rafael’s grasp. She walked to the full window and stared down at the busy street below.

“Don’t worry about me” Rafael said softly. “Keeping you two safe is all that matters.”

“Bullshit Rafael!” She snapped turning toward her kneeling husband anger and fire burning in her eyes. “You’re not getting it! Don’t worry about you when there’s someone threatening your life? And you say you don’t want to hurt your family? What if something happened to you? That would destroy us!”

Her sadness and shock was fueling her anger.

“My little girl won’t grow up without a father” She said her face stoic and strong. Determined as the tears continued to slip down her face “and you can’t leave me here alone.” Her voice cracked. “You just can’t do that to us.”

Her voice dropped, emotion thickening her voice as she covered her face again.

Rafael stood and gently pulled her hands away from her face. She whimpered, burying her face into his neck. Rafael wrapped a hand into her lose curls and closed his eyes as he inhaled her scent. How close had he come to losing her, to losing Gabby? The thought made his knees weak and his stomach churn uncomfortably, tears brimming his eyes as he placed kisses into her curls.

“I’m gonna make this right carino”  he whispered into her hair.

Kelly pulled back slightly her fingers playing the lapels of his suit jacket before whispering.

“Then come with us. The DA will provide you a security detail too. Gabby and I need you with us. Please Rafael I don’t think I could do this on my own, not knowing what is happening with you. Always worrying..”

“Shhh” Rafael cooed brining Kelly’s face to his and gently pecking her lips, being careful not to disturb the tear in her lip. She dropped her head back to his chest and sighed deeply.

“I’ll go wherever you want me to carino” 

An hour later, the small family was packed and dressed surrounded by men in dark suites as the Barba family exited their apartment complex. Rafael secured Gabriela’s car seat as the sleeping baby suckled on her pacifier peacefully.  His green eyes looked up at his wife. Kelly’s head rested against the head rest as she stared down at their daughter. Her locks were damp and curling around her face and her skin dewy and rosy from the shower. The bruising was settling in around her eye making the hue darker. 

Barba reached across Gabby’s sleeping form and interlocked his hands with Kelly’s. Their eyes met and Kelly offered up the smallest of smiles as she leaned in closer. Rafael met her halfway and connected their lips chastely. As they pulled apart Kelly rested her forehead against his. 

[plaidbooks]

Everyone Deserves Love chapter 15 (Finale)

A/N: This is it! This is the finale (besides another bonus chapter that has nothing to contribute to the story)! First off, I want to thank everyone who has read this story! It’s still one of my favorite stories, and I read it often. Second, I may add a bonus chapter, depending on s22, who knows?

The beginning of this starts off before the last bonus chapter, but will move past it. It starts off as Devon first gets home from the hospital.

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Tags: smut, p in v sex

Words: 3569

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @evee87 @dianilaws

The first weeks weren’t bad, especially because Barba had taken time off work. At first, he had forced Devon to stay either in bed or on the sofa while he took care of her; making food, refilling her water, making sure she took her meds. But Devon couldn’t live like that; she needed to get up and move around. So, Barba stopped complaining when Devon came into the kitchen to watch him cook, kissing his cheek as he moved around the stove. Nor did he complain when she continued her morning routine of making coffee, somehow figuring out how to work the French press with one hand, something Barba had previously thought impossible. But the real test of this arrangement was the first day he went back to work.

“I could always take another day,” he had said, concern in his bright eyes.

Devon smirked at him. “Babe, I love you so much, but please, for my sanity, go to work.” She gave him a quick kiss and he left, promising to call when he wasn’t in court, just to check in.

This is where it started getting rocky for Devon. She was going crazy with boredom being stuck at home. Even after the sling was taken off and physical therapy started, Jenkins wasn’t allowing her to come back to work, not yet. And any time she showed up at SVU, Olivia turned her right around, making one of the detectives drive her back home. So, she was stuck in her home-turned-prison, trying to think of something, anything, to do. She thought about taking some sort of class—cooking, sewing, cake decorating—but she was afraid that she couldn’t do any of those things with one arm, and her left was still all but useless. She couldn’t even hold her phone to her ear.

“I hate feeling so useless,” she said to Barba one night over dinner.

He looked at her, swallowing his food. “You’re not useless, Cariño. You’re healing; it takes time.”

“Too much time, if you ask me; I’m going nuts here, Rafi. Jenkins won’t allow me to do anything, Liv sends me home like a child. I…I don’t know what to do.” She hated that tears were in her eyes. Maybe Liv was right, maybe she was a child.

Barba took her hand in his, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. “I know you hate this, mi amor. It’s only for a little while longer; the therapist said that you should be getting use of your muscles back in the next coming weeks.”

“And until then?”

He lifted her hand gently, the light glinting off the plain silver band on her ring finger, catching her eye. She smiled at the engagement ring; she did every time see looked at it, remembering Barba’s face as he knelt in the hospital room by her bed.

“Until then, you’re just going to do your best, working hard to get your arm back to its pervious strength. I know it’s frustrating, Cariño, but you’re going to survive this. You’re going to be stronger than ever, because you’re Devon fucking Motely, and I’ve never met anyone stronger than you.” He kissed the back of her hand, then put it back on the table.

Her heart strained. “How the hell did I get so lucky to have found you in that shitty cop bar?”

“I ask myself the same thing about you every day,” Barba replied, eyes flashing.

Devon smiled at him. She still hadn’t told him that she was planning on retiring from the FBI; hell, she hadn’t planned on how to do it yet, either. And judging by the fact that she couldn’t find anything else to do in her copious free time, she wasn’t sure if she even could retire. If she could bring herself to leave. What if I just step down, do office work? She thought for the hundredth time. Transfer to computer crimes or something? But could she really see herself doing that? Sitting at some desk while others went out and took down the bad guys? She didn’t think so.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Barba’s voice broke through her rapid thinking.

Devon glanced at him, his brow furrowing as he tried to read her expression, and she sighed. She didn’t want to bring it up, not until she had a plan. But she couldn’t lie to him, either.

“I was…I was thinking of leaving the Bureau,” she mumbled, unable to make eye contact. They sat in silence for a moment, Barba not quite sure he had heard her correctly.

“Where’s this coming from?” he finally asked, then he almost whispered, “because of the shooting?”

Devon looked at him then, his eyes conveying such sadness; she knew that he’d support her decision, no matter what. But he also knew that she loved her job. And she knew that he still blamed himself for her injury, no matter how many times she told him that it wasn’t his fault.

“No, well, yes? Kind of?” she shook her head, trying to find the words. “It’s because you deserve having a wife here, waiting for you when you get home from work. Not undercover in some warehouse, trying not to die. Or lying in a hospital bed, a bullet in me.”

Barba seemed to soak in her words, letting himself absorb them. “When I proposed to you, it wasn’t to get you to quit your job, Dev. I understood then, as I do now, who you are, what you do. If I couldn’t handle that, then we wouldn’t be here.”

Devon reached across the table, hand cupping his cheek, forcing him to look into her eyes as she said, “this is my choice, Rafi. I know you can handle it. The thing is, I can’t.” They sat like that for a long moment before Barba slowly turned his face into her palm, kissing her skin lightly.

“If that’s how you really feel, then I’ll back you, one hundred percent,” he breathed.

She gave him a small smile. “I know you will. I just…I haven’t figured out what I’m going to do yet, how I’m going to do it.”

Barba reached up, taking her hand from his face and interlacing their fingers. “I seem to remember you being a fairly decent mentor when you were showing me self-defense in the living room.”

Devon’s eyes lit up as she remembered; of course! How could I have forgotten that? “Do you think there’s a market for that? Teaching self-defense?”

“Are you kidding? Set up next to the women’s shelter, and you’ll be busier there than when you were undercover.”

She chuckled, but there was fire in her now, a purpose. She still had to heal from her gunshot wound, but now she could study how to teach, work towards getting certified.

“I love you, you know that?” she grinned at him.

Barba’s eyes flashed as he smirked. “I do know, but I love hearing you say it.”

FBI Headquarters

Friday, April 20th. 8:30am

Devon took a deep breath as she got off the elevator, the short hallway to her boss’s office familiar, yet somehow menacing. She knew it was because of why she was there, that the hallway itself wasn’t different in any way. She swallowed her fear down and made her way to the door.

“Come in,” Jenkins’ voice called as she neared. Steeling herself, she entered, shutting the door softly behind her. Jenkins was at his desk, his usual spot when he was in. He didn’t even glance up as she walked up to his desk, standing expectantly rather than taking her normal seat across from him. “Motely?” he asked, still looking at whatever paperwork he was focused on.

“Sir, I’m…I’m here to put in my retirement,” Devon said in the most confident voice she could muster. No point beating around the bush. Besides, if she didn’t say it right now, she was afraid that she never would.

That made Jenkins pause. He put his pen down gently, raising his eyes to look at the agent standing before him. A fresh wave of nervousness washed over Devon as his grey eyes bore into hers. He glanced down for a moment, eyes catching the silver band on her finger before flicking back to her face. He let out a breath.

“I knew that this day would come soon enough,” he muttered, more to himself than to her. He stood then, coming to his full height. Jenkins wasn’t a huge man, but his presence alone made him seem much more than he was. He came around the desk, standing right in front of Devon. A rare smile broke across his face. “Congratulations on the engagement, Motely,” he said, placing a warm hand on her uninjured shoulder, giving her a loving squeeze.

Devon smiled back but was still a little anxious. “So, you’re not mad?”

The smile was gone instantly. “Mad? Of course, not; I knew that you’d be retiring once you got close to that ADA. If the shooting didn’t do it, then I figured a wedding would.”

Now Devon smiled freely. Jenkins always seemed to know more than he let on. “Well, if that’s the case, could you do me one more favor?”

Apartment of Rafael Barba and Devon Motely

Saturday June 2nd. 10:00am

“Deep breaths, Devon. You’ve got this. You’ve been through much more stressful things than this,” Olivia said, coaching her. Devon struggled to regulate her breathing, trying not to have a full-blown anxiety attack.

“But—but what if I fuck this up? What if I blow this whole thing? Lives are at stake—"

“You’re going to do fine, Dev. I know you are; I’ll be right there with you if you need me,” the Lieutenant promised.

Devon took a few shuddering breaths, trying to compose herself. She looked at herself in the mirror again, eyes roaming over herself. White dress, short train, veil flipped over her long, brown curls. Her and Barba had chosen their wedding day months in advance, had meticulously planned it, and yet Devon still felt unprepared.

“He’s going to lose it when he sees you,” Liv whispered, making eye contact with Devon in the mirror. Olivia was her maid-of-honor, shocking no one. Devon wanted a simple wedding, nothing too fancy. Barba, being the old-fashioned romantic that he was, wanted to go above and beyond. But even more than that, he wanted to please his fiancée, so he let her call the shots. Well, most of them. They were still having a Catholic wedding—mostly for Mama Barba’s sake—and Devon agreed to get a wedding dress, but only if it was less than $5k. They were only allowing family and close friends to attend, and Jenkins, to his credit, had agreed to be the one to give Devon away, since she didn’t have a father.

“Do you think so?” Devon smiled, but it faltered. “Oh god, why are we doing this? Why not just go to City Hall and sign a paper? Why this whole spectacle? Oh god—”

“Devon,” Olivia grabbed her by the shoulders, turning the ex-agent to look at her. “You are going to walk down that aisle, you are going to stand next to your fiancé, and you are going to exchange vows until the priest pronounces you husband and wife, okay? Just—just think about how Rafael is probably feeling right now. I bet you $20 he’s also nervous. And I’ll bet you another $20 that he cries when he sees you.”

Devon smiled at the thought, butterflies in her stomach. “Do—do you really think he’ll cry?”

Apartment of Rafael and Devon Barba

Saturday, June 2nd. 8:49pm

Devon had to remember to give Olivia $40 the next time she saw her…sometime in a month, after Devon and her husband got back from their honeymoon in Europe, which they would leave for on Monday. But right now, all Devon could think of was her husband’s hands on her hips, pinning her to the wall just inside their shared loft, his lips on her neck, sucking on the spot that he knew she loved, moans leaving her mouth, her hands running through his short hair.

“Mmm, Rafi. Slow down, baby; we have all night to consummate our love,” she ground out.

Barba kissed his way up her neck to her ear. “Whatever my wife wants,” he growled, voice husky. A thrill went through Devon when he called her ‘wife;’ she loved the title. He pulled back, locking eyes with her for a moment, the amount of love and affection held in that stare knocking the wind from her, before his lips crashed against hers. Devon wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him impossibly closer to her, her hands finding his shirt collar, unwillingly to let him go until she had to pull away, gasping for breath.

“Husband…my husband…” she panted, voice low. Barba smiled down at her, chest rising and falling rapidly from his own labored breathing, before his mouth restarted the vicious attack on her neck, biting and sucking a deep bruise into her flesh.

“Mine,” he muttered against her skin before moving to the other side and making a new mark. Devon moaned, rutting her hips as best she could, trying to get some sort of friction. She could feel him hardening against her. He drove his hips upwards, grinding himself directly against her core, and she whimpered in his ear, half begging him to touch her.

Barba chuckled. “I thought you wanted to go slow, mi amor?” Even so, he repeated the motion, harder this time. Devon let out a wanton moan, rutting her hips back against him.

“We can go slow in round two. Right now, I just want you—need you,” she pleaded. To make her point, she dragged her nails down his back, just the way she knew drove him crazy. She grinned when she felt his cock twitch against her thigh, a growl deep in his throat.

“Whatever my wife wants,” he repeated. He took her off the wall, carrying her towards the bedroom. But they only made it a few steps before Devon kissed him a little too roughly, tipping Barba off balance. He stepped backwards, trying to catch himself, but the back of his knees hit the loveseat, and he fell onto the cushions, Devon squealing as she fell on top of him. Once they realized where they were, they laughed softly.

Devon’s eyes flashed as she remembered their first night together, murmuring, “can I kiss you?”

Barba chuckled. “Only if I can kiss you back.” Devon smiled sweetly at him before leaning down and kissing him gently. Their soft kiss soon deepened, Barba’s hand on the back of Devon’s head, tilting her so that he had better access to her mouth. Devon readjusted so that she was straddling his hips, grinding herself against him. Barba pulled back, groaning loudly, and Devon took this chance to unbutton his tuxedo shirt, trying to figure out how the hell the cummerbund worked—

“Careful, mi amor. This is a rental,” he said. Huffing, Devon got off him, standing next to the couch. Barba quickly shed his tux, carefully chucking it into a pile on the floor, before sitting back on the couch in nothing but his boxers, bulge straining against the fabric.

Devon reached behind her to start unzipping her wedding dress when Barba put up a hand. “Hold on, Cariño,” he licked his lips, “I want to touch you while you’re in your dress.”

She felt the heat pooling in her core at his words. She walked up in between his legs, and his hands went to her thighs, pushing up the hem of her dress as they travelled to her hips, pulling her down onto his lap, bulge hitting her barely clothed core. She moaned, eyes fluttering as he grinded into her, lips ghosting over her pulse point on her neck. He moved one of his hands from her hips to her panties, shifting the fabric to the side and stroking one finger through her slit.

“God, you’re fucking soaked,” he growled against her skin, nipping at her neck. His finger circled her clit once, twice, before he moved to her tight entrance, pushing in slowly.

“Holy fuck, Rafi,” Devon whined, head falling backwards in pleasure. He curled his finger slowly, taking his time, watching her reaction to his touch. Nothing turned him on more than having this incredibly strong woman completely crumble from his touch. Slowly, he pushed in another finger, then a third, thrusting at a slow pace, reveling in the feeling of her walls clenching around him. Devon moaned every time he hit her g-spot, fingers digging into his shoulders, trying to stay balanced on his lap. When his thumb moved to circle her clit, adding pressure to the swollen nub, Devon almost blacked out with how hard she came, rutting her hips against his hand, head falling forward, forehead resting against his.

“You’re so god damn beautiful when you come,” he murmured, finger fucking her through her orgasm, her legs trembling in his lap. He pulled his fingers from her, and she slid sideways out of his lap, collapsing onto the couch next to him. Barba stood, pushing his boxers to the ground, letting Devon catch her breath. He knelt in front of her, sticking his head under her dress, grabbing her panties with his teeth, and pulling them down and off her; a lewd mockery of how he took the garter off her during the reception. He sat back on the couch, taking her hand in his, guiding her back into his lap. Devon, using her free hand, stroked his throbbing cock, her thumb spreading his pre-cum along his shaft. He groaned, letting her tease him a little before he stopped her, afraid that he’d cum too early if she continued. Understanding, she guided him to her entrance, tip teasing her open.

“Ready?” he asked.

“For you? Always,” she replied, kissing him deeply. He placed his hands on her hips, slowly pulling her down onto him until he was fully inside her, swallowing every sound coming out of her mouth with his own. They sat like that for a moment, enjoying the feeling of being so completely connected, tongues dancing with each other, drinking each other in. Then, Devon raised up off him until he was barely in her, then she sunk back down slowly. They found their rhythm quickly, moving in tandem, both of them pulling back so that they could lean their foreheads against each other, sharing their labored breaths. Eventually, Barba reached behind her, unzipping her dress just enough that the top fell free. He chuckled darkly when he saw that Devon was wearing a front clasping bra. She gave him a wink, eyes flashing, wicked smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

“You know me too well, mi amor,” he murmured, undoing the clasp.

It was Devon’s turn to chuckle. “Good thing you married me then—ohhh,” she moaned as Barba’s mouth latched onto a nipple, nipping and sucking. He increased the pace of his thrusts, angling his hips to hit deeper, while he used the hand on her hip to bring her down harder against him. Using his free hand, he reached between them, rubbing roughly at her clit.

Devon screamed Barba’s name as she came, nails digging into his shoulders, leaving marks. Barba flipped them so that Devon was laying on her back across the couch, Barba on top of her. He pounded into her relentlessly, chasing his own release.

“Cum for me, baby…my husband,” Devon muttered, throat raw from her previous yell. That was all Barba needed; he rocked into her a couple more times before he was spilling deep inside her, her clenching walls milking him for everything he had. He collapsed on top of her, still connected but unwilling to pull himself from her…his wife.

The loft fell silent apart from their labored breathing. Devon’s hands went to the nape of his neck, stroking the soft hairs there, his head resting by her collarbone. Once Barba had caught his breath, he started singing softly, an old love song his abuelita taught him when he was a child, the Spanish falling from his lips easily. Devon’s heart strained; she may not understand all the words, but she could hear the feeling, the raw emotion in his voice. She ran her hand through more of his soft hair, nails scraping his scalp lightly. Once he finished the song, he raised up, kissing her gently before laying back on her chest.

“I love you so damn much…Mrs. Barba…” he murmured against her skin, placing soft kisses on her collarbone.

She hummed in satisfaction. “I love you so damn much, my husband…I will never get tired of saying that.”

“And I will never get tired of hearing it,” he promised. Finally, he pushed off her, standing next to the couch, offering her a hand. “Shall we adjourn to the bedroom? I seem to remember someone mentioning something about a round two….”

Devon shook her head in mock disbelief, taking his hand. He pulled her up, and she allowed her dress to fall off once she was up, shrugging out of her bra. “Fucking sinful, I swear.” Barba chuckled as he pulled her to their shared room.

[svu-stories]

The Firsts | Fight

#08. The First Fight | Barba Imagine Requested by: @yourtropegirl Characters: Barba, Reader Word Count: 1,413 Warnings: None

It wasn’t that you lacked self-confidence or that you thought you didn’t deserve to have your voice heard. You simply avoided conflict at all costs. The idea of raised voices and letting someone down caused your stomach to drop and insecurities to take over. You were much, much happier when the waves were calm and people were content within their relationships.

Somehow, you and Rafael Barba had gone four months without a significant altercation, and you thought it was a sign. A sign that maybe you could have the perfect relationship without fighting, that disagreements were going to always be handled civilly. That Barba got enough out of fighting in the courtroom and he just wanted to avoid conflict with you, too.

Wouldn’t that have been the dream come true for someone who refused to stand up for themselves?

It was late on a Thursday night when he finally let himself into your apartment. You were curled up on the couch, book in hand and your cat curled up over your feet. The warmth of its fur and its tail beating haphazardly against your leg as it moved provided an odd comfort that had been lacking. You paused, thumb marking the page you were reading, as you looked over your shoulder with a soft grin, “You’re home.”

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Barba murmured, waltzing to the couch to kiss your cheek. You let out a content hum before turning to catch his lips with yours. “I had to stay late to go over one of the depositions again. This case is turning out to be less open and shut than I had initially anticipated.”

You pulled back, cuddling into the pillow pressed against the arm of the couch before shrugging, “It’s fine. I made pasta for dinner, there’s a plate for you keeping warm in the oven.”

“I ate at the office,” he mumbled, starting to make himself comfortable as shoes were abandoned by the door and his suit jacket took its perch on the back of dining room chair.

Swallowing hard, you dog-eared your page in your book and set it aside, making it perfectly square against the edge of your coffee table. Your hands carefully weaved their way around your cat’s ears, letting his purr calm you as you watched Rafael take something from the brown paper bag he’d carried with him. You glanced as you realized his tie had already come off and been dropped to the table, “Do you want me to get you a hanger for your jacket, Rafi? It’s just in the coat closet.”

As you started to stand, seeking the once pristine condition of your apartment again, he shook his head, “It’s fine, I’m not worried about the wrinkles. It’s time to dry clean this suit anyway.”

Your eyes darted between the chair holding the garment and the closet. Deciding against his statement, you retrieved a hanger anyway, using your toes to properly align his shoes on the way. Your fingers ran over the charcoal jacket as you hung it up carefully, taking in his scent in the process. You smiled softly to yourself, hanging it in the closet and turning to face him. Barba frowned, tilting his head to the side with eyes following your every move.

“I just thought it would be nice to hang it up,” you explained.

“I told you it was fine.”

Nodding, you walked back over to him, distracting him with a gentle kiss and hug, “What did you bring me?”

“Your favorite ice cream,” he grinned.

You squealed, taking the carton into your hands, ready to rip off of the lid. The sparkle in your eyes dimmed as you realized he had brought mint chocolate chip ice cream. While you enjoyed it, your favorite had always been plain chocolate. Simplicity was best in your world.

Barba watched you closely, picking up on the change in demeanor without a second glance, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you smiled. “This is perfect.”

“It’s not.”

“Sure it is,” you lied. You would eat your ice cream with a smile and call it a night. By morning, you would have forgotten about the fact that he didn’t want your dinner, neglected to clean up after himself, and didn’t know your favorite ice cream yet. In a few weeks, you would tell him how much you loved chocolate ice cream and maybe he would remember that time. “Let me get a couple of bowls to dish up.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Barba asked, his voice quiet as his watchful green eyes kept tracking your moves.

Every step you made was deliberate. You were frustrated, but you also knew it was silly. This wasn’t a reason to fight. Reasons to truly quarrel were much bigger - measures of safety, deeply rooted beliefs - not ice cream flavors and haphazardly placed shoes. You smiled again, “Of course not.”

“Was it the jacket? If you wanted it put away, you could have just told me.”

“No,” you sighed, metal clinking together as you dug spoons out of the drawer. “I took care of it.”

“And you adjusted my shoes,” he continued, setting down the ice cream carton and moving forward.

“Would you not put something with condensation directly on the table? It could leave a ring,” you snapped, sliding past him to move it to a placemat. “I just like things orderly in my apartment.”

Barba leaned against the counter, tilting his head to the side, “So what’s the problem with the ice cream?”

“There isn’t a problem,” you started easily.

His commanding voice cut you off mid-sentence, “I saw the way your shoulders sagged when you noticed the flavor.”

“The flavor is fine,” you continued insistently.

Rafael took the bowls from your hand, holding them out of reach. You grunted, trying to get them back. He shook his head, “Not until you tell me what’s really wrong.”

Arms crossing over your chest, you pouted, dropping the spoons on the table and returning to the couch, “Eat your own damn ice cream, Rafi. And for the record, I prefer plain chocolate.”

“No you don’t,” he countered, still speaking from his place in the kitchen.

“If you could stop focusing on work for thirty-seconds and give me the time of day, you might have noticed that one of the twenty times we’ve eaten ice cream together. I’ve never ordered mint chocolate chip,” you grumbled, your cat curling up his tiny body in your lap. You sighed, pressing your nose into the fur and giving him a gentle kiss.

“What was that?” Barba countered, following after you. “If you’re going to complain about me, you can at least say it loud enough that I can hear.”

Your eyes closed as you steadied your breathing, trying to keep your voice calm and steady. Confrontation led to anxiety, anxiety led to tears, and tears were only going to make you look like you manipulating the situation to get your way. This wasn’t worth it.

“I just feel like you’re more invested in your job than in us,” you said quietly, forcing yourself to look up.

Barba frowned, plopping into the couch next you, shaking his head. He swallowed hard, “Why do you say that?”

“We had dinner plans and you didn’t make it, and it’s not the first time. You don’t know what ice cream I actually like, but I know you prefer butter pecan. Plus, you’d rather have gelato than ice cream, because it’s smoother,” you sighed. “Plus, your tie is still on the table.”

“Why can’t you just tell me these things?” Rafael continued, his voice calm as his hand reached out to take yours, causing the cat look up expectantly. Rafael sighed, using his free hand to resume the stroking of fur that had ceased.

You swallowed hard, “I don’t like to fight.”

“We don’t have to fight about things if we can just talk about them,” he reasoned.

You sighed, squeezing his hand with a nod, “I’m not good at confrontation, Rafael. We’ll have to work on it.”

He nodded, smiling softly, “I’m sorry I missed our dinner plans and that you had to eat alone.”

“I’m sorry I overreacted and didn’t tell you that from the start,” you whispered.

“Let me put my tie away and dish up some ice cream?”

You smiled, “And we can watch another episode of The Office?”

Barba leaned forward, lips pressing against your forehead before he nodded, “We can watch whatever you want.”

[ahumanfemale]

Drabble request! I was actually just re-reading your AU where Rafael is a dancer and partners with Amanda and Sonny is in love with him. I need more of them dancing and getting all steamy!! Please. :) xoxox

HEY BABE!  So sorry this took so long.  Writer’s block had me dead to rights but I’m weaseling my way out of it now.  Thanks so much for sending this in and I loved making it for you.  - xoxo, ahf.

Sonny Carisi was gorgeous.

Tall and fair, with skin that pinked under Rafael’s gaze and eyes the color of flawless aquamarine.  A quick mind, a loud mouth, and spine enough to back it up.  Hair a kaleidoscopic array of burnished gold to tarnished silver to deep, raw honey.  Rafael had been watching him for months, long before the fateful night when he realized that Sonny wasn’t Amanda’s partner.  Before that it had been a guilty pleasure.  Something taken in surreptitious glances and long drinks of study while the man’s back was turned, only barely managing to convince himself that he could feel guilty for objectifying his business partner’s significant other.  

After that night, the views changed.

After that night Rafael knew Sonny was looking back.  

He probably should have noticed before, but the damage was done and after their win it didn’t matter - he’d pulled Sonny onto the dance floor, into his arms, and they’d been together since.  Of course, Sonny was in his arms again tonight and it had less to do with romance and more to do with outright exasperation.

“So on the beat your right foot will go back and my left will go forward.  On the next beat it will be the opposite, your left foot forward and my right will go back.”

“Raf-”

“No, don’t argue, just listen to me.  Stop thinking and move when I tell you, got it?”

Sonny leveled painfully blue eyes on him.  “Bossy much?”

Rafael raised an eyebrow.  “Is that a complaint?”

In less than a second their bodies were pulled flush, the width of Sonny’s hand wide between his shoulder blades.  

“Not a bit.”

Rafael smirked.

Sonny’s sister was getting married in two weeks and wanted to impress her guests with a theme.  And a themed dance - salsa, of all things, much to literally everyone’s horror.  It had taken until very recently for Sonny to start to worry, putting an unreasonable amount of trust in the fact that his boyfriend was a competitive dancer with more than one title under his belt.  What he hadn’t planned, of course, was how uncoordinated he was.  How very little Rafael’s patience really stretched.  How their lessons either ended in shouting or sex, if not both, and Sonny was no closer to knowing how to salsa than he had been two weeks before.

A fact Rafael hardly lamented, not with Sonny pressed so close and smelling like cologne and clean skin and the red wine they’d had with dinner.

He was happy to be here.

For another second, anyway, until Sonny disobeyed a direct order and brought his foot down on Rafael’s toe rather than moving it backwards.

His smirk transformed into a grimace and he hissed a breath through his teeth.

“You realize that at some point I’m going to assume you’re doing this on purpose,” Rafael told him.

“You know I’m not,” Sonny complained, looking perfectly miserable.

“Logically, maybe.  No one could be this intentionally clumsy.  Unfortunately for you, searing pain overrides my logic.”

“Oh come on,” Sonny scoffed unhappily and tried to drop Rafael’s arms, stopped when Rafael only held him tighter, “You’re being dramatic.”

“Says the man who’s stepped on my toes no fewer than twenty times in the last hour,” Rafael shot back, only barely suppressing a smile.  Of course Sonny hadn’t managed to hurt him - not really, anyway - but exasperation was a good look for the man in front of him so he leaned in.  “I had no idea the depth of your ineptitude when we started this.  You’re a terrible student.”

“There are no terrible students,” Sonny shot back, “Just terrible teachers.”

He probably had a point.

Rafael had been teaching adult classes in Amanda’s studio for almost six months and while it was enjoyable, while he knew what he was talking about, instruction did not come naturally.  Rafael was more than capable of propelling his own body into a series of steps ingrained into him for so many years now that it hardly bared remembering.  Giving into his own muscle memory and training another body to do the same were two different matters entirely, and the latter was not his forte - even when it was a body he knew so well.

Every narrow slope and plane and angle.

Rafael had spent every available moment learning the strength contained in the lithe muscles under his fingers, knew how Sonny could bend and stretch and take them both infinitely higher.  He knew every heartbeat, every breath, and what they meant.  It was all knowledge gained over months of late nights, talking and laughing, making it only halfway through dinner before needing to feel skin.  Of waking up with the sensation of Sonny’s lips on his neck, over his heart.  Rafael wasn’t sure he’d ever known a body other than his own in the way he now knew Sonny’s and now here he was, entirely at the mercy of it.

“Hey, where’d you go?” Sonny wondered, bringing Rafael back to the present.  “I was insulting you, remember?”

His voice was low, rough.

Undoubtedly he’d managed to catch the look in Rafael’s eyes.

And even if he didn’t, the way Rafael’s eyes flitted to admire his partner’s lips were indication enough of where his mind had gone.  

“Really, Rafael,” Sonny admonished playfully, “We’re working here, remember?”

“I’m working,” he corrected, “You’re stomping around my mat with your massive feet, sacrificing my toes in the process.”

“You saying I got big feet?”

“Yes.  I said that literally just now, or were you not listening?”

“I can’t believe I put up with you,” Sonny told him, shaking his head sadly.  Rafael only narrowed his eyes and spun them.  Quickly and without warning, without any help from the gangly chef in his arms.  They turned in tight circles until they reached the end of the practice mat, Rafael’s heels ever so slightly floating off the edge as he brought them to an abrupt stop while Sonny gasped in a few quick breaths.  

“Christ,” he huffed, “Was that necessary?”

“Absolutely,” Rafael answered and let go of Sonny’s arms to place two fingers on his chest, just over his heart.  All it took was a gentle shove - only a hint of pressure - and Sonny fell backwards.  Back hitting the mat, head still spinning and looking up at Rafael with accusatory eyes.  At least until Rafael moved to stand over him, feet planted on either side of Sonny’s lean hips.  

“You pushed me,” he said but his hands were already reaching out, training up the backs of Rafael’s calves.  

“You mouthed off.”

Sonny grinned.  

“Can’t help it,” he allowed and gripped the taut muscle of Rafael’s thighs in each hand.  His voice turned low, sweet.  “Get down here, Rafi.  I’ll make it up to you.”

Rafael sucked in a quick breath while Sonny’s left hand ventured higher, up his inseam and into dangerous waters.   

“We’re working.”

“No, we’re flirting.”

He cocked an eyebrow.  

And really, he couldn’t argue.  

“The wedding-”

“Forget the wedding,” Sonny said and brushed daring knuckles up under his sac while Rafael’s breathing grew heavier.  “We’ve got time.  Time that can be better spent if you’d just get down here and let me touch you.”

And really, who could say no to that?

…

Later, when they’re both breathing heavy and Rafael has forgotten what the world looks like without stars in his eyes, Sonny ran long fingers through the gray at Rafael’s temples while his heart hammered under Rafael’s ear.  

“We’re going to have to Lysol the mat,” Rafael commented brusquely, ever the romantic even while firmly in his afterglow.  Sonny hummed a mild agreement but his attention was elsewhere, pressing breathless kisses onto the top of Rafael’s head while sweat cooled on his chest.   

“Sonny?”

“Hmm.”

“I’m happy.”

“What?” he asked, slightly slurring.  

“I said I’m happy,” Rafael repeated and sat up to rest on his elbow at Sonny’s side.  “With this, I mean.  With us.”

Sonny’s smile would have lit the city for a month.

Every word he didn’t say worried Rafael, sent him spiraling into the worst case scenario, but Sonny seemed oblivious.  He only turned on his side and cupped the side of Rafael’s face, brushing a sweet, indulgent kiss across his lips.  And just when Rafael couldn’t take it, just when he was sure Sonny would segue into needing some space, his perfect mouth parted and he stole the breath straight from Rafael’s chest.

“Move in with me,” Sonny breathed against his lips.  

This time, it was Rafael who was speechless.

“Come on,” he argued, interspersed with more kisses, “My place is bigger anyway, and it’s closer to the studio and the restaurant.  My shower is better.  You can bring your fancy coffee pot and I’ll put my old, ugly one away.”

Reeling, Rafael huffed a laugh and kissed Sonny back for the first time in long minutes.  They were chest to chest, hip to hip, arms and legs tangled with bare skin slicked with sweat and drawn together seemingly of their own volition.  

“You’re making a very practical argument,” he said, bracing himself against the happiness welling up in his chest.  “Are those the only reasons?”

“Move in with me because I love you.”

Sonny wrapped an arm around Rafael’s shoulders and upper back to hold him in place, so he could stare into Rafael’s eyes and be faced with just how much those words were true.

“Move in with me because I’m crazy about you, because meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me.  Move in with me because I think we’re perfect together,” he continued and Rafael’s heart threatened to burst.  “Move in with me because every morning I don’t wake up next to you is wasted and I’ll never get it back.  Move in with me because I love you and I want to show you that every chance I get.”

Rafael grinned, nodding before he’d even realized he was going to answer.

“Yes,” he breathed and it was possible his heart was beating harder now than it had a few minutes earlier with Sonny’s mouth around him.  ���Yes, I’ll move in with you.”

Sonny beamed.

Rafael kissed him.

“But the old, ugly coffee pot is getting thrown out completely.  It gurgles and whines when you brew it, for God’s sake,” he argued and a laugh punched its way out of Sonny’s chest before he laughed and kissed Rafael again, rolling them over on the mat and breathing into the angle of Rafael’s neck.

“Whatever you want, babe,” he said and sucked a kiss into his collarbone.  “Whatever you want.”

[sinsiriuslyemo]

Good morning all!! It’s here!! I the season finale!! As always, leave your thoughts below and stay tuned for a special bonus from @missjennifercole later today!! Enjoy!!!

SEASON FINALE PART 2

Nevada swallowed, cracking his neck as the doors opened and OJ walked with Lucia down the aisle, followed by Oscar and Gladys. Omar escorted Tori, and Eddie walked with Amber, each person taking their place in the shark room, Oscar, Gladys and Lucia sat in the front rows on either side of the aisle, while OJ, Omar, and Eddie took up space to Nevada’s left. Tori and Amber stood on your side as OJ’s youngest son walked with his pillow holding the rings, and Lily came out after, tossing down flower petals, only to pick them up immediately after when she ran out.

He chuckled at his daughter, smiling for the guests and making a show of throwing the petals here and there before she sat down next to Lucia. He swallowed loudly when everyone stood up as Rafael appeared with you on his arm, and in that moment, every terrible thing that had ever happened, from the time you’d met till now, quickly disappeared. A smile slowly made it’s way onto his face as he took in your strapless dress that had soft blue hues along the top, waist, and hem of the gown. You took his breath away.

You looked him over and smirked, there was something about him in leather. As you walked down the aisle, clutching tight to your big brother, you couldn't take your eyes off Nevada. You sniffled when you made it to the front, standing beside him and smiling so hard you felt like you'd pull a muscle.

“Hi,” you whispered.

“Hola mami,” he whispered back, taking his eyes off you for the briefest of moments to shake Rafael’s hand and bring him into a half hug before you brother handed you over to Nevada. “You look amazing,” he said softly.

“Who gives this woman to be wed to this man?” the minister asked.

“I do,” Rafael said, smiling.

You smile at Rafi, hugging him and giving him a kiss on the cheek before you turned back to Nevada.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to share a very special occasion with this man and this woman. The renewed union of two people who are truly, madly in love. Nevada and Y/N, when you first joined your hands and hearts in marriage four years ago, you did not know where life would take you.”

You smiled at Nevada.

“Many people believe that entering into a marriage is the final step in a romantic relationship. But marriage is not meant to be a final step, it is really just the beginning of a grand adventure, that hopefully with be long and fruitful for both. Please join hands.”

You took Nevada's hands and smiled, biting your bottom lip as you blushed.

“You have both shared the joys, blessings, and yes, the challenges of married life. And today you wish to reaffirm your never ending commitment to working together to make your marriage grow and blossom for years to come. You may now speak your vows,” he looked to Nevada.

Your husband cleared his throat, glancing back at OJ who nodded his head, winking subtly, and Nevada looked back down at you.

“Love is a...journey...love is a commitment...love is a--” He stopped abruptly, biting down on his lower lip and looking up, appearing to be holding back tears. “Hold on just give me a second,” he whispered, swallowing.

OJ’s wife arched a brow at her husband from beside her mother in law as Nevada took a deep breath.

“I can’t, I can’t get it out. I just...need a second,” Nevada said, shaking his head. “Love is a wonderful thing. That’s it,” he said softly, letting out another breath.

You giggled, grinning at him with a huge smile, you nodded at him. “Love is a wonderful thing,” you agreed, squeezing his hand gently in support.

The minister turned to you and you looked at Nevada, blushing. “Nevada...I'm...wow.” You had to pause. “I have to catch my breath just looking at you right now, I never thought it was possible to have so much love for a person,” you take another deep breath.

“I never understood what people meant when they said that they ���just knew’ when they met their soulmate. I thought it was cheesy and a load of crap. But when you kissed me at the arcade six years ago, I just knew. I vow to carry you, and be carried by you. To kiss you every night before bed, even if I'm mad… I vow to spend every moment with you trying to better myself with you. Because you make me a happier person. You make me a better wife, a better mother, a better teacher and I hate that I wrote this whole speech but I didn't know how to condense how I feel about you into a few words…” You laughed, “You make me crazy, and I'm not always sure it's the good kind of crazy,” the crowd chuckled. “But I would choose you on every planet, in every life, over and over again. You're it.”

“You put a lot of thought into your vows,” he mumbled, feeling a little guilty as OJ softly cleared his throat.

“Do you have the rings?” the minister asked, and Nevada turned towards Eddie while you retrieved yours husband’s ring from Amber.  

The minister did a quick blessing over the rings before he gave them back to each of you.

“Nevada, if you will please slide the ring onto her finger and repeat after me. I give you this ring…”

“I give you this ring…”

“As a symbol of my vow…”

“As a symbol of my vow…”

“With all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you. And with this ring, I thee wed.”

“With all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you,” Nevada repeated. “And with this ring, I thee wed.”

The minister had you repeat the same vows as you slowly slid the ring on his finger, smiling up at him.

After your promise, the minister spoke again. “Y/N and Nevada, as the two of you now both reaffirm your love for each other and the vows you made to each other many years ago, I charge that you each remember to cherish each other as special and unique individuals and that you each respect the thoughts and ideas of one another. And most of all, be forgiving of each other, and not hold grudges against one another. I charge that you live each day in love with each other, always being there to give love and comfort, to refuge each other in good times and bad.”

You smiled nervously at Nevada.

“Now that the rings have been exchanged, it is my honor to pronounce you once again, man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

Nevada didn’t hesitate to pull you against him and lay a deep, passionate kiss on your lips, dipping you back slightly as the guests clapped their approval. Pulling back, he smiled down at you, kissing your nose and taking a step back.

“I am pleased to re-introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Nevada Ramirez,” the minister said when the clapping stopped. “Go in peace.”

Nevada pulled your arm under his own and walked with you down the aisle and out of the shark room, the wedding party following behind you. When you got outside and he pulled you into the limo waiting to take you to the restaurant for the reception, he gave you an apologetic stare.

“I’m so sorry, mi amor. My vows were...stupid compared to yours. I feel like an asshole,” he said sincerely.

“Actions speak so much louder than words ever could, amor. I don't need a stupid speech to know how much you love me, you show it to me everyday.” You kissed him again, holding him close.

“I do love you,” he whispered against your mouth, kissing you again. “So...was it everything you thought it would be? Having a big wedding?” he asked you.

“It was so much more,” you smiled and nuzzled against his nose, “This leather is fucking sexy papi,” you whisper. “I can't believe it wasn't your first choice, me gusta mucho.”

“It was my first choice, Eddie started giving me shit about looking like a douchebag. I didn’t want to embarrass you. You know I usually don’t care what people think about me, they can go fuck themselves, but you...I care what you think of me,” he replied, looking down at you. “You really like it?” he asked, smirking.

You nodded, “A lot,” you whisper against his lips. “I think it's really sexy.” He hummed, closing the space between you again and gently pushing you back.

“Think we got time for a quick fuck before we get to the restaurant?” he mumbled playfully.

You smirked and moved into his lap, giving him a long kiss.

“We'll make time,” you threaded your fingers in his hair and moaned softly into the kiss. He carefully, lifted up your dress until it was loosely bunched at your waist and slid his fingers lightly along your slit over your lace panties, groaning against your mouth.

Laying you onto your back, he dipped his hand down the front of your undies and circled your clit with the pad of a calloused finger, nibbling on your bottom lip.

You moaned against his mouth, shivering and spreading your legs wider, “Nevada, te necesito, I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered, pulling his hand away to unzip his leather pants, pulling himself out.

Moving your panties to the side, he rubbed himself along your slit, gathering lubrication before he pushed inside you slowly. Kissing you again, he stayed still for a moment, allowing you time to adjust without having very much foreplay.

“You need more time?” he asked softly after a round of passionate kisses.

You shake your head and hug him close, “No, just take me, make love to me,” you whispered.

He groaned, kissing you again and beginning to move, slowly at first, then faster and faster, trying not to ruin your dress or his tux in the process. Moving his kisses to your neck, he bit down on your throat, arching his hips upwards and reaching between you to circle your clit with his fingers.

You gasped and moaned, kissing him hard as you turned and hid your face in his neck. By the time you both arrived at the reception, you were so close you could nearly taste it, kissing him and tugging hard at his hair as you come hard on his cock, nearly screaming his name, not caring that the driver could hear.

He followed quickly after you, thrusting with each spurt of his orgasm, and stroking you to prolong your pleasures. For a moment, the both of you lay still, kissing softly before he slid out of you, again careful not to ruin your dress. Quickly reaching for one of the small towels near the minibar in the limo, he gently wiped between your legs and grabbed another small towel for himself. Stuffing his semi back into his leather pants, he waited for you to collect yourself, smiling over at you.

“Oye, are you gonna change your dress? The boys can’t be comfortable being all squished in there,” he mused.

“They boys aren't happy in anything,” you said firmly. “The fact that I didn't throw up midsex is a miracle.” You patted your belly. “They're not happy, but I am,” you grinned at him.

“Change your dress, mami. Something more comfortable,” he said softly as he opened the door and led you towards the back door so you could make your big entrance as husband and wife. “I think I might’ve left one of your sundresses in the office somewhere.”

“I love my wedding dress, I like wearing this.” You lace your fingers with his and grin as you both step into the restaurant, surrounded by a thunderous round of applause.

As everyone sat down, Eddie stood up to make his best man speech, holding a champagne glass in his hand.  Clearing his throat, he smiled over at you and Nevada.

“My name is Eddie Cuervos-Ramirez, and Nevada Ramirez is my tio. My whole life, he was always looking out for me, taking me to the park, the zoo, the arcade. He always took interest in how I was doing in school, he was like my dad in a way. I met my tia when I was ten. She was my favorite teacher, and she always tried to help me. She cared about a lot of her students, but I think I was her favorite.” He looked over at you. “You know I was, I know I was, we don’t have to pretend anymore.”

Nevada smiled over at you as everyone chuckled.

“When my parents died, my tio and tia let me live with them, they treated me like I was their son, they still do. They helped me when I got into trouble, and they never gave up on me. It’s because of them that I’ll graduate high school at the end of next year with honors, and it’s because of them that I’m even alive.” He turned to face you and Nevada and you could see there was evidence of tears building in his eyes. “I know I talk a lot of shit about how you guys are always bugging me, but the truth is that I owe you both everything. I love you so much, and tia I never thought I would see my tio so happy. I told you that one day when you guys first met.

“I also told you once, after a day at the arcade, that I wished you were my real mom. I know a lot of times, I throw in your face that you’re not my real mom...but you are,” he said, swallowing hard. “You always have been, and you always will be. Tio, I’m glad you found someone who loves you as much as I do, and I’m proud to be your son.” He lifted his glass, and took a sip. The guests clapped as he came behind your table to hug you both.

You clutched to him tight, holding him and kissing his hair. “You will always be my little boy,” you whispered and kissed his forehead.

You held Eddie close as Amber stood, smiling.

“Barbie, you bitch, you know I hate speeches.”

You giggled.

“I've known Y/N since we were both 19, we swore to each other that under no circumstances would we ever marry or tie ourselves down to one man,” she smiled at you. “And then she met Nevada...the way she talked about him, it was like he was a God. She acted like he walked on water.” Amber bit her lip for a moment. “You have always been more than a best friend to me, Barbie, you're a sister. And Nevada, if you make her even a fraction as happy as she says you do, then I owe you the biggest thanks,” she raised her glass and nodded to him. “Thank you for showing my sister what love feels like, thank you for giving her something that no one else ever could. Congratulations you two, I hope that you both have a long, happy marriage. You deserve it.”

The group raises their glasses in toast as Amber moved over and gave you a tight hug.

“I love you,” she whispered to you and you smiled. Amber then moved to Nevada, offering him a hand and a warm smile.

“Ven aca, blanca. It’s a fucking wedding, smile,” he said in a chuckle, pulling her in for a hug, kissing her cheek before he sat back down. “Vamos a comer!” he said excitedly, eliciting cheers from their guests.

If you’d had a quarter for every time you heard people tapping their glasses to signal the demand for a kiss between you and your husband, the two of you would’ve had enough for the twin’s college fund, and they were still in the first few months of gestation. The food was brought out, and you all began to eat. Despite the drama that had occurred at the aquarium before the ceremony, everyone was laughing, taking photos, talking excitedly about the wedding they’d witnessed, and how delicious the food was.

After a few bites, Nevada’s brows furrowed at a strange, yet familiar smell. Smoke...and a light hint of gas in the air. Looking up, he met OJ and Omar’s eyes, a silent conversation occurring in a matter of seconds before he turned to you.

“Grab the kids, and get out of here,” he mumbled to you. “Rafael, coge Izzy y tu mama, para la calle. Oye, everybody out,” he announced. “Now, dale!” he added, getting up as the dining room slowly began to fill with smoke.

Moving towards the kitchen, Nevada opened the door to see half of the space up in flames, and he allowed the staff to pass by him before he went for the fire extinguisher, to try and put out the flames.

You grabbed Lily and Eddie as you rushed both kids out of the restaurant with you. You watched Rafi follow right behind you with Izzy and Lucia.

Amber rushed to the other room, grabbing one of the other extinguishers and tossing it to Omar before dialing 9-1-1 and hurrying out front with Gladys and OJ’s wife and kids.

OJ and Omar came up next to Nevada, trying to extinguish the fire, but not having much luck. The flames grew bigger, and Nevada looked over at his two brothers.

“Oye, dale, let’s go. Somebody had to have dialed the fire department by now,” he said, pushing the men out of the kitchen. “Go!” Nevada yelled moving behind them as they made their way towards the front doors as the fire spread past the kitchen doors and slowly started to make it’s way into the dining room. He heard a loud thump from dry storage, and dodged some burning wood to check for anyone else.

Omar and OJ came out of the building, coughing as they moved out into the middle of the street with everyone else. Gladys ran towards her two boys, checking them over before she looked into both their eyes in turn.

“Tu papa? Donde esta tu padre?” she asked.

OJ’s eyes widened as he looked at his mother. “He’s not out here with you?”

“No, se fue para el bano before Nevada told us all to leave,” she replied, slightly panicked before she looked behind them again. “Y Nevada?”

“He’s right--” Omar began to say, looking behind him but not seeing Nevada either. “He was right behind us,” he said, looking back at his mother.

“Where's my husband?” You ran to Omar, looking up at him. “You know if I wasn't pregnant I'd run my ass inside, but...where is he?”

“Barbie, do you want me to check?” Amber offered, noticing your panicked expression.

You didn't nod yes, but you also didn't shake your head no.

“No,” Omar said firmly. “I'll go back, he was just behind us,” he looked at the restaurant, smoke pouring from every window and door.

“Hey, have you guys seen Jose? I don’t see him anywhere,” Eddie mused, finally noticing that his uncle was also nowhere to be found. “Where’s my dad?” he asked, looking down at you.

“He’s still in there, mi--”

“GO GET HIM!” Eddie screamed.

“Papi!!” Lily bellowed, pointing across the street to the smoke engulfed restaurant as Nevada dragged a man’s body through the front door, trying to make it to safety before the fire would inevitably take over and cause an explosion. Omar and OJ immediately went to help him.

You sighed in slight relief, as did Gladys that Nevada was out...but who was he carrying?