how did it take me so long to start calling myself aromantic/arospec. like now that ive actually started using the term for myself its so crazy to me that i wasnt using this term since the first time i heard about it. i literally remember like almost a year ago being like "i wish i could just call myself aromantic itd just be a way easier way to explain to people the sort of relationships i want since im interested in sex and really close friendships but not really interested in traditional romantic relationships right now" like my brother you CAN?? jesus fuck. like this thought came aftera series of relationships where i would tell my friends that i had a crush on someone, then the relationship progressed in someway, then i got the sense that the person i was interested in had romantic feelings for me and id get this weird horrible feeling and would run away. and i was literally like "what is this whats going on". i was like woah this must be like.... commitment issues or something. like i was going around telling people that. i was getting over commitment issues that were surely temporary. but they werent asking me to commit to anything they just had feelings for me that i couldnt reciprocate bcz i was just attracted to them and wanted to me friends with them and i thought thats what romantic attraction was. i literally remember telling someone abt someone i liked an they were like "why dont u ask them out?" an my answer was just that i was trying to find reasons not to and i couldnt. cuz i was attracted to them and liked spending time with them and liked being their friend but i was so so happy not being in a romantic relationship anymore and i couldnt shake the feeling that if i got into another one even with the perfect person it was literally gonna ruin my life and i would have to pretend to have feelings that i didnt have.
idk im frustrated that i hadnt considered it sooner but its also kinda exciting to discover something abt urself an ur sexuality. like this label brings me the same joy that other labels that ive discovered fit me do like i feel like how i felt when i came to terms w being trans an being bisexual. i feel like im 13 again finding trans and bisexual youtubers and being like "??? there are others?" like ppl dont talk abut it as much w being aro and ace bcz those are defined by the absence of a feeling rather than the presence of one but it really can be just as exciting to find out that you're aro or ace as it can be to discover that you're a lesbian or gay or transgender or something.
like not to be cheesy but discovering that i could just. have friends and also have sex made everything kinda click in my head for me. like literally i felt like a more complete person. experiencing that and realizing like. oh. this is amazing this is literally all i want like nothing is missing. i literally just dont have to do romance stuff like no ones making me do that why did i think i have to do that. like oh my god this is such a good feeling i really can do whatever i want forever.
this post doesnt rly have a point exactly i just kinda have a lot of feelings to get out. i love you aromantic ppl i love being aromantic it fucking rules actually. every aromantic person whos posted abt their experience an helped me get comfortable w the label i owe u a hundred billion dollars jesus christ i love you guys
Going to post this small snippet spoiler for another SMG4 animatic I’m cooking up for viewing pleasure (and also simply because these characters are slowly seeping into my subconscious. As we speak Mr. Puzzles is directing my actions so that I can push his name into stardom with “gloriously animated content” HE’S KEEPING ME HOSTAGE HELP /J)
IT’S NOT FINISHED IT’S A POTENTIAL WORK IN PROGRESS
I love musicals and Mr. Puzzles strikes me as a theater nerd so I figured Hairspray (song being Welcome to the 60’s) was a good fit, plus wouldn’t it be fun to see Meggy try and help him along to start a redemption arch? Like how could they not carry a bit of sentimentality over the time spent together? I feel like her resilient passive aggressive energy pairs well with how he can be stubborn sometimes too…she can give him the push (or more like a well-intentioned shove) he needs to get his act together and give it another try! Because a part of me feels like he would want to regress into unhealthy past habits after facing so many defeats at the hands of SMG4 crew; shut himself in solitude and stare at a screen. So think the animatic would start with that scene and then lead into the musical number :D
can't believe i am changing my big bang idea yet again but it the muse wants what it wants. anyway. is anyone here into the idea of vampire harrow...........
As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.
starting to realize podcast writing might be so difficult for me bc I don’t like episodic writing.. I miss my big storylines and slowly building up to something
Ayo, as someone whose only hallucinogenic experiences have been in the following, what are your thoughts on/have you tried DMT and/or salvia (divinorum)? I tried both in the one night a couple of years ago and it was an incredibly enjoyable experience but I've not tried other hallucinogens, I wouldn't mind knowing how you compare it to other hallucinogens! (if you can)
I've not tried salvia but I have tried dmt a couple times and funnily enough I fucking HATED it. like I've tried maybe 2.5 times and I remember the whole time (for context for those who don't know, dmt lasts like 15 minutes max lmao) being like "holy shit I need this to be over NOW holy fuck I'm gonna DIE" bc for me it honestly felt like insanely intense sensory overload. like everything was loud and bright and assaulting my brain. a poster of some kittens saved my fucking life one of the times ajhdkabdjd I stared at them and they gently lifted me back to reality
so I think if you started with DMT and salvia ur fuckin GOOD bro like ur ready lol. acid is pretty similar feeling to DMT except imo a lot less intense, and it lasts all fucking day so you can do a lot of Fun Activities. shrooms are pretty similar, usually a lot easier to tailor ur dose ime and they last like 5-7ish hrs usually as opposed to the like 8-15 you get with acid. so w those two I think if you liked DMT and salvia you'll probably like them, bc they're very similar just less intense and longer acting! from what I've experienced the visuals and stuff are slightly different on all of these but it's the same kind of experience. so most people I know have 1 favorite that for whatever reason meshes best w their brain (I'm an acid guy, most people I know find shrooms to be gentler tho!)
MDMA is probably my personal favorite in the psychedelic class because that shit is straight happiness to your brain. music is great on most drugs but on molly oh my god. like. you need to dance bc all of your cells are dancing. and you LOVE. just so much LOVE. I recommend doing a candy flip (acid and molly) or a hippie flip (shrooms and molly) bc the effects play off each other and make for an extremely pleasant experience (provided you're being safe of course!!!!). I would NOT do this ur first time for clarification, because you always wanna see how you do on stuff alone first but if you end up liking them keep it in the back of ur mind for someday when ur favorite band releases a new album or smth :)
I thought it would be silly but eddie actually going to vegas with tommy instead of buck feels mean ummm why would you do that. And the sparring? Eddie please open your eyes
I don't think it's supposed to be mean! As for the sparring someone earlier said something about how the writers were like oh we need to give Eddie some hobbies and they just, went with what Ryan is interested in
But yeah I need them all to open their eyes and be like !!! because I am like !!! for them