me, at 2 pm, when the stores are open: you don't have any little treats in the house. if you want a little treat later, you have to go to the store and buy one now.
me: *does not go to the store*
me, at 9 pm, when the stores are closed: tweat? 🥺 no tweats for me? 🥺🥺 cries 🥺 cries for one thousand years 🥺🥺🥺
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in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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Sorry if you're already over 50, I ran out of room (you're welcome to leave your thoughts in the tags or replies!)
If you're younger than 10, get the fuck off Tumblr. People are saying swears on here!
[EDIT: It's OK to vent a bit about negative feelings in the comments/tags, but if you're gonna talk about killing yourself, do me a favour and fucking don't]
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alright, here goes nothing
200 notes and i’ll join a kayak/canoe club
400 notes and i’ll start biking regularly
600 notes and i’ll take up boxing again
800 notes and i’ll write a song about shoes
1000 notes and i’ll stop picking at my toenails
2000 notes and i’ll ask my therapist for an official autism diagnosis
38492821 notes and i’ll be honest with my parents
new rule: no more spam
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sokka trying to get katara to give up on her waterbending bc it could get her killed. and katara refuses to give up and continues to practice anyway. bc sokka and katara represent the survival of both the people and the culture. sokka had the safety of their people thrust upon him by his dad, while katara is the only one in their tribe that can carry the weight of their culture. both are heavy burdens, and they're struggling with their roles bc they're just two kids trying to rebuild in the wake of genocide. but they refuse to give up, bc that's what the story is about.
holding onto hope, regardless of what you face.
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