#this performance literally has me feeling even more deranged than usual

[whinlatter]

say something about the process of your writing. anything you like

(Reading other writers' responses to this prompt today has been so energising and exciting - thank you for sending me this, and for getting everyone to share their writer reflections, what a rich insight!)

When it comes to writing, I'm a vibes-first, plot-second kind of fiction writer. I can talk a bit about a character-study fic I'm in the middle of writing right now, which has the working-title The Hanging Out With Hagrid Award. I'm currently in the figuring-out-what-this-fic-will-be phase, so hopefully this can serve as an example of how I'm writing these days!

My work often starts with a mental image, an emotion or feeling, and/or a dumb joke I've thought of (eg. the idea of Hogwarts having a prize they give out annually to the highest performing student in different subjects, and the one for Care of Magical Creatures being colloquially referred to as the Hanging Out With Hagrid Award). I always begin with a placeholder opener first. Even if (when) I pull it to shreds later, I always use an opening to stand as a sort of creative manifesto for the direction and feel of the rest of the piece as I write it. I never really write chronologically and rarely start with a plan - I just start writing disparate fragments of dialogue, often that are directed more by rhythm than content (my word docs are full of truly tragic little notes-to-self like 'insert a joke here that goes joke-joke-joke-JOKE...joke-joke-joke-joke.'') I also just throw around bits of prose that convey setting and colour and sensory experience, descriptions about how characters are placed or interacting with a space and with each other. Titles often come very early on, and I almost always build playlists to write to before getting going, sometimes little moodboards and colour palettes.

For fanfiction writing, then I go straight to canon and build up a big google doc of canon quotes and information that relate to the themes of the text (thank god for those totally illegal searchable pdfs). For Orchards, this meant loads of setting description for the Burrow, layout maps of the house and garden, links to calendars, as well as every time in canon Harry and Ginny's relationship is referred to alongside mentions of the Orchard, or Quidditch, or the outdoors in general. I'm just building up the doc for the fic I'm currently working on, and so I'm just throwing in descriptions of Hogwarts grounds, Hagrid's speech patterns, canon info on different animals, different moments where characters in the fic interact in canon so I can try and get their speech patterns and relations to one another right. I'm a pedant (and also deranged?), so I often cite canon in footnotes when I'm writing.

And then once I've done all that, I sketch plot and structure. I usually draw a timeline out for that that looks a bit like a musical score (because I am, in my heart, a pretentious arsehole). This new fic will follow the arc of a character's time at school, but probably won't move chronologically - I love work that plays with chronology, hence why Little Women (2019) has my whole heart and La Vie En Rose blew my mind when I first watched it as a teenager. Pacing is definitely the thing I worry most about - like where is the emotional crescendo going to be, how do I have peaks and troughs in intensity and impact on the reader. This is always always is the thing I spend the most time drafting and re-drafting. Often I deliberately stay away from re-reading a WIP for a week or two to try and come back to it with fresh eyes so I can see how it reads and moves more clearly. Or I zoom out of the word document so it's like 20% size and try and see if some sections are literally too big or too long and throwing off the weighting and the pace of the piece, lol.

What's odd is that I write non-fiction for a living, and historically, I've done the opposite of all of these things when I start writing non-fiction. But coming back to fiction writing has changed how I think about approaching non-fiction writing massively. I'm now trying to think much more about how to make non-fiction compelling and legible to a reader in the ways fiction authors do by instinct. (This approach has also started to make the process of non-fiction writing much less acutely painful, which is a blessed and merciful relief after a long time in the trenches).

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Murphy's Law (Thompson, 1986)

This review contains mild spoilers.

The title makes more sense when you remember that Golan and Globus had a habit of selling movies to distributors based on a cool title and poster and worrying about things like the actual premise and plot and other inconsequential details later. Because the movie as is has little to do with the concept of Murphy’s Law, except for the hero to clarify that the only Murphy’s Law he’s familiar with is the one that concerns him, his name being Jack Murphy. His version of the rule is very simple. “Don’t fuck with Jack Murphy.” This line resonated with me for two reasons. One, I once had a co-worker who frequently touted Murphy’s Law but clearly didn’t know what it was. He was also not, how you say, a top performer, and was an asshole to boot, so his misinterpretation of the law was merely one of several strikes against him. Two, the line is said by Charles Bronson in that classic Charles Bronson voice.

This is a mid-‘80s Charles Bronson vehicle directed by J. Lee Thompson, meaning that’s it’s sturdier than the ones directed by Michael Winner while offering similarly lizard-brained thrills. The premise here concerns Bronson being targeted for revenge by a serial killer he put away years ago and having to team up with a snot nosed teenage punk he finds himself attached to, somewhat literally, while generally pissing off the mob. Bronson and Thompson did a few collaborations in between that hit other notes, but this feels like a halfway point between 10 to Midnight and Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects, merging the serial killer plot of the former with the bifurcated structure of the latter. It is nowhere near as sleazy as either movie, as the murders here lack the ugly, sexualized dimensions of the former and doesn’t rub your face in the muck like the latter. It does share with those movies a queasy fascination with and contempt for what I suspect the filmmakers viewed as “aberrant” sexuality (which I suspect includes everything outside of missionary with the lights off and Bronson avoiding post-coital conversation so he go grab something from the fridge after). Bronson broods over the fact that his wife has become a stripper, and characters regularly trade homophobic insults. In addition to that, the only cop on the force who seems interested in holding Bronson accountable when he’s accused of murder turns out to be crooked. So there is something of a worldview running through these movies, one which might inspire a voting record that differs from mine.

I do think the movie is pretty engaging on the whole, as it finds ways to prod Bronson’s steeliness and even afford him some humour. Much of this comes from pairing him with Kathleen Wilhoite as a spunky teenaged car thief, who brings her usual charisma and does a great job of getting on his nerves but not necessarily ours, and aside from some unfortunate homophobia, has dialogue that evokes the kind of words a child uses before they’ve discovered actual cursing. (The most explicit phrases she uses are “jism breath” and “scrotum cheeks”.) And some of this comes from pitting him against a serial killer played with pleasing derangement by Carrie Snodgress, whose methods and meticulousness pose a genuine challenge for the more conventionally minded Bronson. And I think Thompson directs this with a certain assurance, and gets a good deal of suspense from the climax, a two-tiered stalk-and-slash style sequence that plays like if you mashed two slashers on top of each other and added firearms to boot.

[qbluster]

💦 Jain

Jain is a very solid constant in Quintons sexual fantasies since he became, Aware i guess of who and how Jain is.

Jain slots perfectly into an existing role quinton wants performed, a masculine and dominant larger man. He far less gets into the mutilation of himself thing, in a perfect world jain would get more collars, not less, and that sort of thing would be an exiting if unlikely frightening possibility, rather than a known end goal of jains.

All his hours actively trying to not sexualize his own workplace, he just feels it would be 'uncouth' to sexualize the whole thing, and mistagged hentai is what really trips him up.

He keeps "medical, medical fetish, medfet, nurse,' and about a dozen more obscure terms blacklisted for that very reason, and usually these websites are very good about tagging this sort of thing. Enough beating around the bush and more beating off, he's pretty directly in the middle of things, already having taken several head down on desk breathers between more fervent stretches of masturbation.

He pauses involuntarily when he sees medical tools on the next page, not real anything, speculums, those modified pears of anguish type devices, the usual porn stuff. And usually, thats the key word here usually, he would click off at that point, he has probably 14 other tabs open, all free of work reminders. Well, free of work reminders and a Dogboy that looks a Lot like Jain.

It's rare to find stuff with a masculine and larger man bottoming in the first place, let alone one thats almost applicable to himself and his own seperate fantasies about that frankly deranged werewolf piece of shit

Cause I mean, fuck, who wouldn't want to just have something that powerful more or less at your mercy, to be able to make something so much Stronger than yourself literally and childishly cower Because they are directly afraid of what you Can do to them? Thats like basic sexual fantasy Number one. So this is really a lot more normal than it seems.

He opens a drawer of his desk, rummaging around paper and various pieces of garbage shoved in, until he finds something that looks like an easter egg, if just white. Of course its not an easter egg, who the fuck would keep a white easter egg in their desk you psycho? It's a disposable tenga egg, part of a set he had bought, god knows when, the kind of thing he takes out on special occasions.

After a moment spent popping it open and fussing with the small included lube packet, teeth had to get involved, he gets to enjoy Cold and Wet Silicone on his dick. Thankfully things warm up quickly with the friction involved inherently.

He always feels especially shameful when he jacks off thinking about people he knows, he's always had this idea that when he thinks about people, they can see him. But here he's getting some mileage out of the concept, mostly because Jain would be pissed. The entire setup, the fact that he Has a 'setup' to jack off, the Fact that he's Even thinking about Jain in such a subservient role.

He'd probably want to hurt him, and Jain doesn't threaten or grandstand like he does, He's a man of action, he should text him. Tell him about it, play the whole thing off as a joke later, "I want to fuck you While you get angry And fight back. i Want you beaten within An inch of your life so i Can have an Even goddamn playing field and i Know its still not even you Could still fucking kill me And you wouldnt you Would lay there And takefffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffsgggggggggggggggggggggggddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd"

He comes back to his phone about fifteen minutes later, immediately thankful the [UNSPECIFIED LIQUID DROPLET] just pressed letter keys instead of sending one of his jackoff rants, that would be a lot to explain. Thank god this is a private matter that isn't publically released.

i got bored so i stopped writing but i think this is fun :)

[hozierbyrne]

say you love me 세계의 끝까지

0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You) ft. Seori for Good Morning America

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

It’s All In The Execution (S2, E1)

It happened. We got a second season. I’m living my best life...unfortunately Malcolm isn’t...

*** Content warning: brief mentions/allusions to depression, suicidal ideation, and Malcolm’s general poor mental health ****

SPOILERS AHEAD.

0:00 -  OH HELL YES. I can’t believe we actually got a second season! <3 My heart is so full. 

0:18 – “This ledge is taken.” …..ok so I have lots of feelings about this scene. 1) Malcolm’s lines are iconic in this scene and I love it. 2) WHY THE ACTUAL HELL WOULD JT, DANI, AND EDRISA AGREE TO LET A (LET’S BE HONEST) MAN IN A VERY BAD MENTAL STATE WITH A HISTORY OF DEPRESSION STAND ON A LEDGE FOR A CASE?!? Like seriously, Gil wouldn’t have gone with this shit. 3) As soon as I saw Malcolm on the ledge I believed he was seriously considering jumping. He showed passive suicidality most of last season and after Endicott – well I don’t blame him for being a little depressed. 

0:26 – Damn. Malcolm is really manic in this scene. It’s reminiscent of the pilot episode in the sense that Malcolm really has no filter. 

0:40 – Ok so Tom Payne deserves a freaking Emmy. This performance is gorgeous. Look at his facial expression when he says “It got real dark for me though. Family issues.” The look on his face completely convinces me that Malcolm is riding the struggle bus more than usual right now…..also am I the only one who thinks this ‘penthouse slasher’ is kind of unbelievable? He strikes me as too anxious and jumpy to be a serial killer. 

1:18 – Is Malcolm even trying to hide the fact that he knows what happened to Endicott?!? I mean “I tried to fight it” can’t JT and Dani hear his usual ‘projecting his personal issues on the suspect shtick?’ 

1:30 – Did he really just scream “I am the Surgeon’s son” from a ledge?!? Dude – someone please give this boy a hug and get him to Gabrielle – like last month.

1:40 – Soooo… now Chester isn’t scared of the ledge? He looked like he was going to wet himself from fear a literal minute ago. 

1:49 – OH OF COURSE CHESTER SLIT THEIR THROATS. JUST LIKE AINSLEY SLIT ENDICOTT’S. Chris Fedak really loves to inject Malcolm’s personal issues into the ‘serial killer of the week’.

2:23 – I’m sorry – the team let Malcolm on the ledge without tethering him first?!? No. No. No. I refuse to believe it. Dani, JT, and Edrisa care too much about Malcolm to let him do that.  

2:28 – Why is Edrisa even on this stakeout?!? Did she fill in as the 4th team member while Gil was in the hospital?!? I love Edrisa – she’s hilarious but the fact that she’s in the field like this is absolute nonsense. Hahaha 

2:32 – hahaha OMG. JT is like the big brother forced to hang out with his younger sibling and their weird friends. He’s think’s they’re all crazy but he’d also die for them.  

2:42 – Yikes. Malcolm is questioning his moral code. This boy is headed for a real nasty downward mental spiral if someone doesn’t intervene quickly.  

2:46 – Am I really supposed to believe that a rope tied to a radiator can hold the weight of two grown men dangling off a building?!? I mean – I’ll suspend my disbelief because I know it’s fictional entertainment but I found it really distracting.  

2:48 – JT. Would. Not. Let. Go. Of. That. Rope. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. If for no other reason than because he loves GIL too much to let Gil’s surrogate son fall to his death. I understand why this happened – tension and excitement for television in the first scene of a new season but honestly – this whole first scene is wildly unrealistic given what we know about JT, Dani, Edrisa and their respective roles on the team.

2:50 – Can we talk about JT’s facial hair for a sec? I like him with it (and without it). Part of me thinks he grew it because he’s trying to channel Gil while he’s temporarily in charge of the team.  

3:08 – Honestly, the second Malcolm picked up his phone all I could think was “You moron. What if you drop that thing off the side of the building!?!?!”…then I remembered that he’s rich.

3:20 – “Please say it’s cancer.” Hahahahahaha OMG. I have a love/hate relationship for Malcolm with no filter. That’s freaking comedic gold. 

3:57 – “I’m hanging in there.” Tom Payne is freaking incredible. Look at his facial expression here. Malcolm’s emotional pain is etched on that face. Ugh. I’m love. 

4:02 – soooo no updated title screen. Interesting. 

4:08 – Istg the writers only put Ainsley in this scene so she would be in the episode. I mean honestly – what kind of precinct lets reporters with a camera crew INSIDE?!?! 

 4:15 – hahaha I love JT in this scene. I love how he initially looks at Ainsley with a mixture of confusion, resignation, and fear. This is a man who does not like the camera.  

4:16 – Side note: is it just me or is Ainsley acting very manic in this scene? Something about her energy reminds me of Malcolm circa 1x05 when he’s not sleeping and trying to convince everyone that he’s fine.

4:38 – hahahaha OMG. That wink.  

4:48 – Even Malcolm looks surprised that Ainsley and a camera dude were let into the precinct.  

5:00 – Ahhh the hand tremor. <3 Love that they’re still using that. 

5:05 – also Malcolm is heartbreaking in this scene. Someone give him a hug. Look at how hard he’s trying to hide his pain, fear, and trauma. UGH.  

5:33 -  So we finally get to see it. The moments immediately after 1x20. Or do we? I have this crackpot theory (I posted it on my main blog, so you might’ve already seen it – “AllTimeBouvier”) that these flashbacks are only a fraction of the truth. I think Sophie walked followed Malcolm from the vet’s office to the hospital, then home. I think she hid when she heard Endicott’s voice due to fear but came out after Ainsley started screaming and stabbing.  Besides – anyone else notice how the portion of these flashbacks where Malcolm is saying “Ainsley, focus on me. You didn’t do this. I did.” Only his right hand is ever in the frame. So it’s impossible to tell if he’s holding his cell (on the phone with Martin) with his left hand or if he just hung up and put the phone back in his pocket? I think that Martin either phoned Malcolm back or Martin heard Sophie’s voice and demanded to talk to her. I think Sophie disposed of the body while Malcolm took care of Ainsley like a good big brother. I think Sophie went into hiding and Martin is gaslighting Malcolm into believing that he disposed of Endicott’s body.  

5:37 – Anyone else want to know what happened to the murder weapon? And Ainsley’s bloody clothes? Just me? 

6:00 – hahahahaha Jessica is so extra. I love it. 

6:29 – Wait. What? Why was Ainsley quarantined with Jessica? Ainsley has her own apartment. If Jessica forced Ainsley to come and live with her during quarantine – why didn’t she also force Malcolm? This doesn’t track for me. 

6:40 – I love that Jessica brought Malcolm food (you can see the grocery bag behind Malcolm in one of the shots) and went so far as to actually lay out the breakfast ingredients for him. <3 I mean. It’s extra but it’s also sweet.  

6:45 – Why is Jessica looking at Malcolm’s pill bottles? Is it just to avoid eye contact with Malcolm while she talks about Gil? Is she noticing that his dosage has changed (she’s extra so I’m assuming she knows exactly what meds he takes and how much of each). Is that part of the reason why she’s suspicious of Malcolm? His dosage has gone up and he’s clearly trying to hide his pain?

 6:52 – I love how Malcolm interacts with Jessica in this scene. It’s so cute. They’re adorable. AND seeing Malcolm in casual clothing is always nice.  

7:44 – “Oh about that.” Damn. Malcolm really can’t catch a break. Poor baby. : ( 

7:50 – hahaha Martin looks like a mountain man here. Completely deranged and un-groomed.  

7:51 – Glad Mr.David isn’t dead or evil. I had fears.  

8:35 – The tension between Dani and Malcolm seems to have lessened since 1x20. The trust seems to have been partially rebuilt. Partially. Dani is still suspicious.  

8:38 – Well at least Malcolm’s still going to therapy.  

8:41 – GREEN SUIT. HELL YES.

9:06 – “The ‘Drise knows.” OMG hahahaha I love this show. Look at how Malcolm looks at her hahaha. 

9:17 – “I can fire these people right?” OMG. 10/10. JT REALLY SHINES IN THIS EPISODE. AND FRANK HARTS IS KILLING IT and the writers gave him so much well deserved screen time and great lines.  

9:53 – Malcolm and Edrisa getting excited about murder is honestly so freaking cute.  

10:34 – OMG. The way Malcolm perks up at the mention of rumours is hilarious. A learned behaviour from Jessica during his childhood? 

10:45 – I’ll say it again. Chris Fedak was wasting Frank Harts in season 1. This dude is shining in this episode. I hope they keep giving him more lines and screen time than they did last season. 

12:00 – I love seeing Malcolm this excited/happy but it’s pretty concerning that his passion is murder weapons.  

12:04 – This scene is really interesting to me for four reasons 1) Where the eff did Dani go? I guess she’s probably on her way to see Gil? 2) Even though Malcolm is getting excited about murder he’s way less manic than he was earlier this episode. 3) I love watching JT deal with Edrisa and Malcolm’s nerdy excitement. I could watch it all day. So fun. 4) I love watching JT and Malcolm in scenes together. Period. I can honestly say that watching their friendship evolve is one of the highlights of this show for me.  

12:30 – Heartbreaking. Malcolm had a few minutes where he forgot about Ainsley, Endicott, Martin, and the various traumas currently haunting him. Then he not only remembered but he saw Martin in himself. The crazy person collecting murder weapons. You can tell he feels embarrassed, ashamed, and sad. I genuinely believe that’s why JT says, “soooo weird.” with a look of sympathy and concern. JT doesn’t suspect that Malcolm has anything to do with Endicott’s murder at this point in time. Mark my words. 

12:55 – Edrisa gets Bright. I will never ship them together but I really hope they get more scenes together this season. Their friendship is beautiful. 

13:00 – Malcolm, baby, no. You don’t have to do this. Ugh. Poor baby. This is just going to make the night terrors worse. 

13:10 – They trimmed Martin’s beard but not his hair between the first scene in this episode and now. I think they just combed his hair? Why?!? Was this a Michael Sheen request? I must know!!! 

13:40 – hahaha OMG. Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how incredible Michael Sheen is?!? This man can go from downright terrifying to hilarious in a split second. Incredible actor.  

13:55 – Sooooo Mr. David doesn’t know about Endicott? Because he’s definitely heard Malcolm and Martin discuss some pretty sketchy stuff over the years. I’m pretty sure he heard about the Sophie stuff last season didn’t he? Why is Martin finally trying to hide something from Mr. David?  

14:03 – Look at Malcolm’s face. Ugh. He looks nauseous and scared. Someone hug him. Or better yet – get him away from Martin.  

14:18 – Sooooo is Jerry going to be a problem later? Martin ‘cures him’ later in this episode so will he be able to tell someone he heard Martin and Malcolm talking about Endicott’s murder? Would anyone believe him?  

14:40 – GO. TO. HELL. MARTIN. You’re not feeling it?!? Haven’t you caused enough emotional damage to your son. Stop. Trying. To. Manipulate. Malcolm.  

14:50 – Question 1000 about how Endicott’s body was disposed of: Where the hell did Malcolm get that yellow jumpsuit on such short notice? And….those gloves – anyone else notice that they’re practically the same as the gloves he puts on in Izzy’s sex dungeon in a few minutes? ALSO – THEY FOUND ENDICOTT’S BODY IN ESTONIA?!? LIKE ALL OF IT OR JUST PARTS OF IT? WOULDN’T IT BE SMARTER TO SCATTER HIS BODY IN MULTIPLE COUNTRIES IF IT’S ALREADY IN PIECES?!? Unless maybe Endicott’s body isn’t in pieces because we all know that Malcolm’s memory of traumatic events is fuzzy at best. 

15:07 – “Don’t. Say. That. Never, say that.” - I’m really proud of Malcolm here. He’s clearly in serious emotional distress throughout this whole conversation. He’s grappling with what he believes he did, what that means about him, his moral code, and his relationship with Martin. But yet – he found the strength to basically tell Martin to eff off.  

15:20 – AMAZING. Right after Martin says “Estonia?” there are a few seconds where it genuinely looks like Malcolm is going to cry. It’s moving as hell, heartbreaking, and some downright kickass acting. 

15:56 – Well, that’s not going to help Malcolm’s night terrors. But we definitely have confirmation that Jerry wasn’t as engrossed in the cartoons as Martin suggested.  

16:20 – I love this scene. Gil is the whole team’s surrogate father – not just Malcolm’s. Sometimes I forget that. Also – the fact that Chris Fedak waited 16 minutes to show us Gil Arroyo alive and well is a crime.  

16:28 – “He wouldn’t dare.” “I know.” How cute is this? Look at Dani’s smile. Ugh. I can’t decide if they know that JT doesn’t want Gil’s job because he loves working with Gil too much or he doesn’t like how much responsibility comes with Gil’s title. Probably a combination of both.  

16:35 – Sooo has Malcolm not been visiting Gil? I guess because of COVID he couldn’t but now he’s just not? I mean – Gil would be able to tell how Malcolm’s doing just by looking at him.  

17:05 – I’m sorry ‘multiple surgeries’?!? I want elaboration on this.  

17:09 – So I googled “British musician Izzy” and the top hit was the guitar player for Guns’n’Roses (who looks kinda like this guy). I have no idea what that means but I found it interesting. 

17:30 – Holy shit. Izzy is a nutcase. I love him. hahaha 

17:55 – Soooo Malcolm keeps a spray bottle of some sort of magic “show me the blood” water? Nah – the writers wrote it into the show for this scene’s convenience.  

18:05 – I love this. Malcolm’s nonchalant approach to his mother and Gil’s budding relationship. He’s like a little kid who doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He’s using the mentality of “If I don’t acknowledge it, it’s not happening. Therefore, if it goes wrong – I won’t get hurt by it.” It’s really sad and I wish he didn’t run away from something that will potentially be good but I also get it. 

18:06 – I also respect Malcolm a lot in this scene and am irritated by Dani. Look – they both adore Gil. They’re both protective of Gil (and in Malcolm’s case Jessica). Here’s where they’re different: Malcolm recognizes and respects that Gil and Jessica are adults who can make their own decisions. Dani doesn’t. Dani is acting like a preteen trying to break up Dad and the new step-mom she isn’t sure of. Dani and Malcolm both have their hearts in the right place but I disagree with Dani’s response to the relationship. I also understand where she’s coming from given what we know about Dani’s bio Dad.  

18:39 – It’s not supposed to be funny but holy hell. Malcolm putting his head on the floor to listen is hilarious.  

19:00 – I’m getting major John Watkins flashbacks. Malcolm breaks down a lot of walls where serial killers once hung out. Is that supposed to be some sort of subtle comment on Malcolm’s character? 

20:33 – Damn. Malcolm’s hair is long this season.  

20:55 – aannnnnd here are the murder gloves from the Endicott flashbacks. 

21:30 – Something about Malcolm dancing to this music in this supremely manic state is really upsetting to me. It just makes me uncomfortable.  

22:13 – I’m so worried about Malcolm right now. Holy hell. Get him to Gabrielle. NOW. 

23:00 – A skil saw. Pretty much a small version of what Malcolm thinks he dismembered Endicott with. Yikes. Fedak really loves making Malcolm project his issues on murder suspects.  

23:27 – Yep. Dani totally thinks Malcolm killed Endicott. She thinks he’s gone dark side and followed Martin’s footsteps. This is not going to be good for their friendship or the trust that they’re rebuilding.

23:50 – One of my favourite things about this show is that it can go from dark and creepy to family sitcom-esque drama in a second. It helps lighten the show’s tone a little. I mean honestly – most of the fans are here for the family drama as opposed to the ‘killer of the week’ storyline anyways. 

24:10 – I love this. Jessica admitting to Malcolm that she and Gil have been discussing him for almost 25 years. You can see that Malcolm is 1) a little freaked out and 2) a little touched. For a moment you can see how badly he wants Gil and his Mom to have a long-lasting romantic relationship.  

24:32 – OMG. Why did Jessica call Ainsley about Malcolm’s mental state before calling Malcolm? Is that standard Whitly family practice? I have questions. 

24:40 – Yep. Dani is Concerned and Scared.  

26:46 – Sooo we all agree that Martin was trying to electrocute Jerry to death right? I mean “You really shouldn’t have done that Jer-bear.”?!?!  And he’s literally a serial killer?! 

27:25 – Mr. David is having none of Martin’s bullshit – so how did Martin get away with it? What does Martin have on Mr. David? 

27:50 – “A miracle.” Omg. Hahahaha. I love this show. So. Much. 

28:09 – “clearing her brother’s name. Not murder.” Seriously, the parallels between this case and Malcolm’s personal issues are more obvious than usual this episode. Almost to the point where I’m annoyed that the other characters aren’t really catching on.  

28:35 – “What happened, his brain break?” I love the way JT can simultaneously tease and be concerned about Malcolm. Ugh. It’s beautiful (and hysterical). 

29:07 – Not again. Please stop putting JT in front of the camera. I’m getting second-hand embarrassment and anxiety on his behalf. It hurts to watch (funny too, but mostly painful). 

29:19 – Look at Gil. Hahaha he’s so amused by JT’s awkwardness in front of the camera – but you can also see how proud he is. <3 I love papa!Gil.  

29:33 – “Police work is patience.” Cute 1x05 callback. And can we all just take a minute to appreciate how much Gil loves Dani. Just look at his proud Dad face!! <3 Warms my cold, dead heart. 

30:00 – Oh yeah, Dani is suspicious.  

30:04 – I love how Gil seems to be the only person who truly understands Malcolm and all his quirks. <3 I love how much Gil loves Malcolm. <3 I just…ugh. <3 <3 <3 • 30:11 – “I’m a good big brother.” That line cut through my heart. He shouldn’t have been put in this position – choosing between his moral code and his brotherly instincts. It’s not fair and the stress of it is literally killing him.  

30:17 – “Messed them up.” Them!?!? I’m sorry Dani, when did you and Gil start talking about Malcolm AND Ainsley?!? Last I checked this was a 100% Malcolm conversation. …she’s not wrong though. 

30:33 – “There’s nothing we haven’t talked about.” I love what that suggests. To me – that means they when Dani has a bad break up, they talk about stupid stuff like what they’re cooking for dinner and songs that make them happy. I love that it suggests that Dani and Gil have talked about Jackie. Malcolm might be Gil’s fake-son but Dani is sooo Gil’s fake-daughter. <3 I can just see him getting all overprotective when she gets a new boyfriend even though he knows damn well that Dani is more than capable of taking care of herself – he can’t help it, Dani is his little girl. <3 <3 <3 

31:00 – Ugh….ok. So this scene. I’ve seen a lot of mixed reactions about it. I have a bit of a mixed reaction myself tbh. On one hand, I love that they have the type of relationship where they can openly discuss this. On the other hand – it feels forced and it really rubs me the wrong way. Dani is just way out of line here. She’s totally attacking Jessica and Gil is kind of letting her? I mean I think it upsets me so much because Gil isn’t even really defending Jessica.  Also, that line about Jackie thinking the Whitly’s are cursed?!? Wtf is that?!? No. No. We know that Jackie loved Malcolm like a son. Jessica has said that Jackie was kind. What is this cursed nonsense?!?!? I refuse to believe it. And the fact that Jessica heard it all breaks my heart. Like – it physically hurts me to watch this scene for all of the above reasons. But I also kind of understand why we got the scene – to further explore the Gil+Dani dynamic and to add some angst to the Jessica/Gil romance.  

33:00 – Oh hell yes. I love this danger. 

34:10 – Amazing how calm Malcolm is while the killer is literally going through his murder weapon collection. Like he hasn’t been this calm all episode? 

35:10 – Ahhhh here’s manic!Malcolm. 

35:25 – “Is it my hair?” Okay so totally hilarious, but Dani is listening to this. Can she tell that Malcolm is clearly (and weakly) deflecting the comment about him being a killer like Martin? 

35:40 – Malcolm is scared. :( Someone please hug him. This is the most honest he’s been all episode. My heart is broken.  

36:20 – Soooo did Malcolm just abstractly tell Dani that he’s a justice killer? Nahhhh I’m totally typing out of my ass.  

37:00 – He was on the Harvard fencing team?!? Why is that adorable? 

37:34 – Malcolm just cut a dude 3x. No remorse. No more fear. He’s calm. I’m terrified. Does he like hurting the killer?  

37:50 – I think Dani suspects that Malcolm killed Endicott. Yep. Definitely. 

38:00 – Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. This scene with JT and the cops is heart-wrenching. The fact that Dani and Malcolm come to his rescue is beautiful. The fact that JT is clearly terrified but not angry is perfect. I hate that this scene had to be made but I love how it was executed.  

38:31 – Look at Malcolm’s confused, white, rich face here. He genuinely can’t believe that cops just racial profiled one of the only good people who ever accepted a serial’s killer’s son as a friend.  

38:40 – I’m crying. JT’s fear (and Frank Harts’ acting) is so believable and completely haunting. I hear the subtext in this scene, “What if those cops killed JT? What would happen to his pregnant wife and unborn child?”, “How is JT going to financially support his family if he loses his job unfairly?”, “How messed up is it that a literal military veteran is terrified of fellow police officers?”. 

38:44 – “You didn’t do anything wrong.” This line gives me hope. Malcolm isn’t too far gone. Malcolm still knows right from wrong and he still has a heart of gold. 

38:55 – Ok. I LOVE that Gil magically shows up in this scene. BUT HOW DID HE KNOW TO COME TO THE PRECINCT?!?! LIKE WTF? Because Malcolm and JT look surprised to see Gil. Dani just looks relieved – did she call Gil?  

39:10 – Gil is an absolute A+ human being. I love him. I will die for him.

39:33 – OMG. JT’s big watery puppy dog eyes have ripped my heart to shreds. <3 :( 

39:45 – When I first saw this I thought Malcolm was hurt by Gil’s “and whatever Bright is”. But upon re-watching it – Malcolm looks surprised and so so touched. I’ll be honest – I don’t think Malcolm’s mental state would be so bad right now if he had had regular contact with Gil throughout COVID. Gil is Malcolm’s rock. His literal example of what a good man looks like – without him during a traumatic time Martin creeps back into Malcolm’s psyche.  

40:15 – Sooo Martin is still definitely lying to Malcolm.  

40:20 – Stupid little thing – there never used to be a toilet on Jerry’s side of the room. And what happened to all of Martin’s books and stuff? Did Claremont put it in storage? I mean he’s a serial killer? Jessica certainly didn’t store it for him. 

40:37 – Amazing. As soon as Malcolm physically sees Gil he comes to Martin with a renewed faith in his moral code. (“I stop killers. I don’t help them.”) 

41:30 – “Please don’t torture yourself for that.” Martin is right BUT that’s also why I hate him. Martin is manipulating Malcolm right now. He’s trying to convince Malcolm that he genuinely cares and loves his children. Thus destabilizing further Malcolm’s mental state.  

41:36 – Also – both Tom Payne and Michael Sheen are acting their asses off here. *chef’s kiss* 10/10. I love to see it.  

41:45 – Aaaannnnd there’s Martin the asshole. Completely screwing with Malcolm’s mind. Again. What a dick. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.  

42:00 – Look at how scared Malcolm is. I genuinely think Malcolm (whether or not he actually dismembered Endicott, I suspect he didn’t) feels good when he remembers doing it. This is BAD for Malcolm’s mental health. Yikes. : ( Poor baby.  

Ok. So that’s the first episode of season 2. I really liked it. It wasn’t perfect but I’m excited for what this season might bring. Be back next week.  

[sunflowersseemhappy]

Hcs for the the main six doing pranks w Mc ?

Sorry this took me so long to get to, but thank you for the request!

Next up will be Main Six with an MC who struggles to control their magic when they feel intense emotion. 

Enjoy for now! 😘

Asra

Scary good at pulling a prank off.

Magic gives Asra an upper hand and it shows.

You have warned him against pulling a prank on you because you will turn it around on him, and he believes you so he made you his prank partner.

Faust is always involved and gets super hyped, usually shouts ‘fooled!” after the victim has been pranked.

They are generally harmless pranks, ones that scare people (like making it seem there’s a ghost slamming the shutters).

Muriel probably got roped into a prank at one point or another, Nadia would probably be involved too.

Asra’s favourite targets? Julian and Lucio, he wouldn’t dream of hurting them but its fun to mess around with them. Rude customers at the shop are fair play too.

Has code words for quick prank preparation and execution

He’s often only in a pranking mood after someone has annoyed him.

His favourite prank was the day he decided to shock everyone with a bolt of electricity through his hand when he touched them, he did it to almost everyone and Muriel managed to avoid it because its strange that Asra wanted to shake his hand.

He got you too, but you followed up on your word that you would get him back. His hair was sticking up on end all week...

Nadia

Definitely the unexpected prankster.

Didn’t quite get the concept of pranks at first.

After she tried to ‘prank’ you, then you had to explain that hiding your toothbrush in a really obvious place isn’t really a prank. You teach her because you think it would be an excellent way to throw off your victims.

Chandra is good at scaring people in general but is a casual observer of the pranking events rather than involving herself.

Nadia’s pranks tend to aim to make people wildly uncomfortable or question her eccentric quirks, they generally involve eating something that’s not usually edible (like edible makeup or something like saying a weird thing in public. Like this but more refined).

Portia is usually involved in the pranks too, but she has definitely pranked everyone including you and Portia.

Her favourite targets comprise of Lucio, her sisters and you. She tried pranking the courtiers, but they just thought it was normal human behaviour.

Despite being as regal as she is when Nadia is about to perform a prank, she is liable to be very smiley.

She’s all about pranks when she needs some amusement.

Hates being on the receiving end of the prank.

Her favourite prank was flirting and smooching with you in front of nobles, making you feel very awkward and making the nobles feel very uncomfortable.

Julian

Julian makes his pranks tediously complicated.

Not very good at them but he tries.

Involved you after his prank backfired on him completely missing you. Anytime he tried it was like somehow you managed to avoid them, it’s probably why he involved you in the first place. But two heads are better than one after all.

Malak is much better at pranking people than Julian, thing is the crafty raven likes to prank Julian more than anyone else (maybe that’s why all his pranks backfire on him).

Julian enjoys the classic pranks, anything like flour/water on top of a door or hiding mouse traps in unexpected places (which he always forgets about), if cling film existed, he would use so much on the doorway prank.

Other than you Portia is regularly involved in the shenanigans; Julian has tried to convince Asra to help him but with Julian being one of Asra’s own targets it’s unlikely to happen (unless they team up on Lucio).

Just about anyone (though he fears Nadia and Mazenlenkia’s wrath), if Portia’s not with him then she’s against him! He tries to get Asra and Muriel but the two are good at expecting him, and Lucio and Julian are in the midst of a prank war as we speak.

Usually does pranks when he sees an opportunity.

Doesn’t usually get upset when his pranks fail, he knows one of these days he’ll have some luck.

If he’s made a mess of himself by walking into one of his traps Julian will chase you around to give you a ‘loving hug’.

His favourite prank was one of his few successful ones, cutting open a giant teddy bear and sitting on the bed waiting for you to come home. Your scream of surprise was worth waiting an hour for.

Muriel

The mellow prankster, usually preforming small pranks that are still funny.

He’s watched Asra preform dozens of pranks, so he knows the ins and outs but he’s no mastermind. Better at avoiding pranks.

Muriel caught you preparing a custard trap for Asra, he didn’t say anything but you could have sworn those chicken feathers looked familiar when Asra stumbled into the hut covered in custard and fathers. Muriel wasn’t smiling but you could see the mischievous glint in his eyes.

Inanna likes to act like she’s better than pranks but you and Muriel (after freaking out) both know that was red berry juice around her muzzle and not blood.

Muriel likes making more subtle pranks, but he’s not adverse to larger scale ones so long as you’re helping (spider in a cup, nail though hand, placing all his chickens in the shop (Asra hated that one)).

When it comes to pranks Asra no longer trusts Muriel, so generally allies come from unexpected places such as Julian (the two of them love pranking Asra together) and Nadia (there is a law between the two that prevents them pulling pranks on each other). Also the chickens really like getting involved.

Asra is the main target, closely followed by Lucio and then Julian. Unfortunately you are also one target and although you love Muriel it’s do or die when it comes to the pranks between you two.

Thinks shoving a whole lemon in his mouth counts as a prank.

Very good at hiding that it was him who did the prank.

His favourite prank? He preformed on every single one of the other main six plus you. Moving all the furniture in homes/bedrooms a couple of inches from it’s original place so everyone was tripping over for weeks. Externally he was as stoic as ever, internally he was loosing his mind over how hilarious it was.

Portia

Arguably the most evil prankster ever.

So much better at it than Julian is, be careful because as soon as you say something that sounds like a great idea she will devise ‘The Plan’.

Great evil masterminds need a henchmen right? After pranking you and then you doing so back Portia deemed you worthy of assisting her.

Pepi is as sneaky as Portia, she’s become the figurative black cat. If she crosses your path you’re doomed to be pranked sooner or later by Portia.

The evilest pranks you can imagine (sometimes so evil they concern you), think hair dye pranks, stink bombs, caramel apples that are actually onions and many more top secret plans.

More than likely to team up with Nadia and Asra, who love her evil plans. She’s even enlisted Muriel’s help on occasion (she needed a lot of eggs).

Naturally her favourite target is Julian because he’s her brother, but she likes to get Lucio to entertain Nadia on occasion.

Like a ghost when she’s going about preparing a prank.

Goes all out, she has pranks on top of pranks and you know for a fact she has a prank planned that will compile several pranks on top of each other. Portia calls it the ‘mother of all pranks’ and not even you are allowed to know what it involves.

Portia’s favourite prank is the one Nadia challenged her to pull. She considers it the best prank she’s pulled so far, Lucio screamed so loud when he discovered his hair was pink. Then he cried for hours over how pink his albino animals including Mercedes and Melinchor were (they were very pink).

Lucio

The most impatient prankster ever.

He’s poorly co-coordinated and wants to do the prank without putting actual effort into it.

After being pranked one too many times by literally everyone else Lucio had no choice but to come begging to you on his hands and knees, poor man was almost crying (he just wants one win bless his soul).

Mercedes and Melinchor have more luck than Lucio does, the two are little fiends when it comes to scaring the servants by chasing them through the dark corridors like deranged ghosts.

Spontaneous prankster (because he’s so impatient) Lucio will see something and think, hey that’s a good idea for a prank and run to find you! Think tying strings to doors across from each other and knocking on them to result in a door opening fight, ‘kick me’ signs, or messing with other people’s food while they’re not looking.

Everyone is too busy pranking Lucio to help him so all he has is you and maybe a few unwitting servants he bosses around.

Tries to get everyone, but has yet to do so. In the end he settled on pranking Valerius and the courtiers because they were the only ones willing to indulge him.

Most likely to descend into a prank war, which happened after Portia turned his hair and most of his albino animals pink.

Very dramatic when his pranks fail, you told him he could prank you anytime but he said ‘it’s not the same!’

Lucio’s favourite prank was a simple one with great after effects, replacing Valerius’ wine with grape juice resulted in the Consul spitting it out so far that it got Nadia and some of the outer courtiers. Lucio thought he was going to die of laughter.

[curious-minx]

Lookie here, my dear (Don’t miss this album!

“

Lookie Here, My Dear is a weekly column that spotlights albums that have evaded the Big Sites (Pitchfork, Stereogum, Allmusic, etc,). This week’s album is one that especially needs some extra love and support:  Of Montreal’s 21st album: I Feel Safe With You, Trash.

Image from Of Montreal’s Bandcamp, please consider supporting an artist you love today on Bandcamp

Of Montreal is the closest I have gotten to embracing a Phish/Grateful Dead style fandom over a band. I would absolutely drop everything I am doing in my life to follow of Montreal on tour. I am singing along to every song. I don’t have the songs consciously memorized, they have been programmed into me. I have listened to a full bootleg version of False Priest and have seen them live more than any other musical act in my lifetime (Around 10 times in three different states and one different country). As an aggressively weird and emotional kid growing up in the South that wanted to break through the gender binary and frighten and challenge the “normals,” you couldn’t ask for a better soundtrack than Of Montreal. I discovered them in 2007, the year of Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer? The last album Of Montreal would earn Pitchfork and Big Publication’s laurels and respect.

There have been 10 albums out since Hissing Fauna and I love the majority of these albums to various degrees. There is a B-sides rarity compilation Daughter of Cloud that I haven’t really spent time with and a couple of real dud LPs: Innocence Reaches and UR Fun. UR Fun was the most recent Of Montreal album that came out in the beginning of 2020 and was more or less written off as a complete failure by critics and online fairweather fans. Critics have actively grown disdainful over Barnes’ eccentricities and their overwhelming unfashionability, there hasn’t been anything trendy about of Montreal in nearly 14 years. Real of Montreal fans know there’s usually one middling album that paves the way for a much stronger release. Mainly evident in the jump of quality between Innocence Reaches and White is Relic. The leap in quality between Trash and UR Fun is astonishing.  

UR Fun has some choice cuts and even the worst Of Montreal albums are more interesting than a good deal of today’s musical landscape. I saw Of Montreal live for UR Fun in February 2020, one of the last full capacity shows that would ever happen in Brooklyn’s Brooklyn Steel venue, perhaps forever. Unfortunately it was one of the most unpleasant oM concerts I attended and no fault of the band but due to the audience. Restless and rude bodies going back and forth, forth and back to the bar or who knows elsewhere and shoving people around. An absolute covid nightmare. Nobody attending concerts in January and February 2020 were appreciating them as much as they should.

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Of Montreal had been releasing their albums on Polyvinyl since their sixth LP, the critical breakthrough Satanic Panic in the Attic. At that point Barnes had already spent 8 years building up a devoted cult following and making hysterically ornate psychedelic pop and lo-fi rock confections. Of Montreal seem to have a layered working relationship and have been a stable home for Barnes’ adventurous output. What’s remarkable is that none of these shifts in sound ever feel like counter culture role play or trying on an EDM hat or a alternative country hat, they are always distinctively an Of Montreal album. Besides stylistic adventurousness the other running throughline that connects the of Montreal discography together is Barnes’ penchant for hyper-literate, bold everything and the kitchen sink approach to lyricism and songwriting. The highly divisive, gloriously deranged Hissing Fauna follow-up LP, Skeletal Lamping is where the free-verse, songs within songs approach fully becomes a mainstay for Barnes. Even though I Feel Safe With You, Trash is being released on a separate personal vanity label, Sybaritic Peer, Of Montreal and Polyvinyl continue to be a fertile label and artist relationship. 

I Feel Safe With You, Trash is also notably the longest album released by Of Montreal since 2004’s Coquelicot Asleep in the Poppies (1 hr 9 mins) clocking in at 1 hr 6 mins. As of writing this article I have already listened to the album three times and counting upon its official release date. Not because I have a moral principal about how many times a person should experience art before analyzing it, but because the album is so damn replayable. Of Montreal at their best, and this album represents Barnes at the height of their powers, reminds me why I love and obsess over music. Hardly anyone making music today is making music this bold and adventurous. At this point in their career Barnes has more than solidified their status as bonafide Japanese word for a Music Witch. 

Barnes has been performing and producing every single instrument and singing every backing track on their albums for over two decades now, and still indicates not even a sliver of fatigue. There are days where I can barely write a single thought down because I know it won’t get a single like, it won’t lead me any closer to picking up the camera and nailing that perfect monologue. I can be salty about the life of obscurity I have built for myself, but then I have to remember Kevin Barnes. A bonafide musical genius that hardly bothers to get the word out. Barnes seems incapable of stopping making the sort of albums a person can get lost in for days. They are my biggest musical heroes, they represent exactly the sort of path I want to carve out for myself.

I Feel Safe with You, Trash is the embodiment of the gift that keeps on giving. A portrait of an LGTBQI+ artist 25 years into a career completely devoid of diminishing returns. There have been some missteps along the way with “Georgie Fruit'' and having too much fun during a mid-life crisis with UR Fun. More importantly I Feel Safe with You, Trash represents real, critical growth for Of Montreal. And this is Album One of Two of 2021, the year Of Montreal continued to take up a considerable portion of my mental bandwidth, it’s pure bliss. 

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Notable Tracks:

Aries Equals Good Trash - The first obvious “single” for the album that has a serious swaying lilting, uneasy beat. The vocals on this track are indicative of the overall shift in quality in Barnes vocals that have gotten a lot less strained and smoother.  Favorite lyric/delivery:

“I compare thee to a saturnalia (ha!) if I may be so rude.” 

The song also touches upon Barnes’ relating to be on the spectrum, both the gender/sexual spectrum and the cognitive one. Music for people breaking new ground with a broken brain. 

Now That’s What I Call Freewave - 

“Every time I look at my phone I get brain damaged. By every blamedead person I get lobotomized"

This song is also the first song in the Western music canon to introduce the phrase “feelbad songs of Covid summer.” This song also marks the first appearance of several where Barnes is absolutely shredding the guitar. I don’t really listen to much music that places and emphasis on “solos” or melting the fret board, but how can you not get excited by that burst of guitar? Also leave it to Barnes to find a way to also shout out an experimental cinema deep cut, Chick Strand’s Soft Fiction. I also discovered the Czech film Valerie and Her Week of Wonders through the song “st. exquisite’s confessions.” Why not also use your songs as a chance to shout out cool obscure cinema? 

Still from Chick Strand’s Soft Fiction

True Beauty Forever - Of Montreal go future funk. If you don’t know what that means don’t worry I’m brewing up a whole story on the joys of future funk. 

“I'm a black widow and I don't bite you so I guess I'm in love!

Possibly my new favorite Of Montreal song...

Fuckheads Is the Auto-correction - Okay I need to nix that phrase from my vocabulary because nearly every song on this album could be considered a new favorite. How can you top this opening couplet: 

Am I a creep because I don’t have a chosen pronoun? Am I a creep because my mind is the Odeon of the multiverse?

Drowner's TeÃrs - The use of pitched up vocals is an example of some of the new bells and whistles added to the oM sound palette. 

Fingerless Gloves & Kcrraanggaanngg!! - Find Barnes doing death core, metal styled goblin shrieks and it really, really works. More absolutely gnarly and nasty fret work. 

 Yamagate Florest Flutes & ThRam Rammaged à Man-Mod - Reggae/Dub Of Montreal? :O

Notes Of ViOlate SPectates A Flatter Of Male & So Chill Then (o Portão) - On an album this dense and frenetic there had to be some more ambient and chill passages and having So Chill Then as the album closer makes for a satisfying, soft landing. 

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And to close whole she-bang up here’s a picture of Of Montreal performing at one of the best music festivals in the world, Pahoda in Slovakia:

 This post is in no way associated with Of Montreal in any way, but I highly recommend checking out and subscribing to Of Montreal’s Patreon Page and ride the artwave!

[borisbubbles]

28. ITALY

Diodato - “Fai Rumore”

And we’re back to our usual disconnect, where everyone pretends to love Italy and I don’t. I cannot wait for all the Italian crazies to be OUTRAGED by this ranking (28/41 is fine for an entry I don’t care about...?) and reblog this all over the tumblrverse and inflate my reader stats. 😈 but first, let’s discuss what we have on our hands here. 

Song Analysis

There’s no way this post *won’t* end up offensive to every Fai Rumore fan, so I will resort to brutal honesty. I never, ever, *ever* cared about “Fai rumore”. In fact, I’d even say it’s strongly overrated by the gross of the Eurovision fandom? 

Okay so here’s the deal. I will not deny that “Fai Rumore” has several things going for it. The song has emotional gravitas, Diodato has a great voice and acts very well. It’s technically precise and well produced. It is very competent at what it sets out to be, which is a very standard HQ Sanremo Power Ballad. 

But here’s where I feel like I deviate from the norm: You may think “wow Fai Rumore! How brilliant, meticulous and poised”, but I think “how expected, overtly earnest and unfun?” 

The problem is, this is Boris’s Bubble and Boris doesn’t enjoy songs that feel like they belong inside a trophy cupboard, and “Fai rumore” is exactly one of those songs, don’t lie. So “meticulous, poised and brilliant” you say, well *I* say “how overtly earnest, unfun and aloof”? I have a Spotify - if I wanted to listen to good music, I’d just use that? Or one of my like 15 Youtube Playlists containing non-ESC entries? Why would I watch Eurovision, or Sanremo for that matter, for the good music when there are so many other (and easier) options available for me that align better to my tastes?

The fact that “Fai Rumore” is *too* perfect for me (and therefore very hard to empathize with imo) is one thing, which leads to other thing I need to point out. I’ll let my friend Matthew take over here, who wrote this paragraph on ESCUnited right after Diodato’s selection: 

That final sentences is bone-chilling because it’s so, so true. “I AM A SOPHISTICATED MUSIC FAN BECAUSE I FOLLOW ~FESTIVALE DI SANREMO~” is such a common trope of elistism (like, replace “San Remo” with any quality newspaper, nobel prize winning author or classical music composer and you’ll find to be nearly universally applicable to snobs across the globe), but I find it specifically ugly in Eurovision.

You see, would the same courtesy be extended to a country of lower prestige if they got a Fai Rumore? Would the same courtesy be extended to a person of colour? or a woman? How about others songs that, like Fai Rumore, emulate their country’s musical traditions (Fai Rumore is SO italian you can smell the basil), except those traditions fall outside of the western European bubble? See, it doesn’t bother me that Italians like Fai Rumore and are proud of it. They’re Italians. Of course they are! I don’t judge them for it. I don’t rly care if the odd introvert finds solace in a song of this calibre. But as soon as Matthew made the aforementioned post, people who had previously rated Diodato as a 5/6 already started adjusting their scores to 10s and 12s and, well...

It bothers me that the same fanbase that DEMANDS cultural diversity (Diodato) and/or MOAR ETHNOBOPS (Efendi) refuse to accept a Solovey or an Origo -which are a thousandfold more layered, sophisticated and daring- as an equal. 

It bothers *even more* me that people are willing to immediately give Italy a plethora of chances (especially when they choose men! fuck institutionalised sexism!), while not doing the same for a Belarus. Belarus HAS no clear musical scene or funds to really produce good music, yet produced a ridiculously good NF (with a VERY righteous winner - yes, Chakras, but also: Chakras) I’ve seen snobs SLAM VAL, mercilessly despite being an excellent left-field pick (god imagine if Yan had won Eurofest for a sec. What a nightmare). Italy, otoh, also delivered a sterling NF, have *a VERY* rich musical tradition, tons of talent and money and production value... and they still went the lowest common denominator available, and yet they receive praise, without so much as a whisper of protest from our so-called “value seekers”. This level of hypocrisy and double standard wielding, all in the name of wishing to be taken seriously delivers *such* a toxic undercurrent to Eurovision and has absolutely soured me on Diodato. This isn’t his fault, but sadly he’s become a weapon of mass misconstruction and well just because I hate the guy who pressed the big red button more doesn’t mean I automatically like ICBMs. As we come near the songs I actually give a damn’ about, I will start calling the shitpociries out. Brace yourself for it, when I rank Solovey and Da Vidna inside my top five.

Want some examples specifically pertaining to the Diodato fandom? Sure, I’ll give you some:

EJEMPLO UNO: 

Diodato fanboys openly coddling him on social media post-lockdown all “PROTECT OUR POOR MUNCHKIN FROM THE CORONAVIRUS”. Like... he’s a *thirty-eight year old adult* he can take care of himself, BACK UP OFF HIM you freaks. 

EJEMPLO DOS: 

The relevant media having baptized Diodato as THE SAVING GRACE OF THE LOCKDOWN, ITALIANS SINGING ‘FAI RUMORE’ FROM THEIR BALCONIES IN DEFIANCE OF COVID-19, which is such a bullshit narrative it’s turned my hair from black to brown.  Yes, the Italians sang “Fai Rumore”. What they don’t tell you is that they also sang many other Italian and non-Italian songs, including humanitarian anthem “Roar” by Kety Perr (cue to Katy Perry being like “OMG I’M SO HONORED TO INSPIRE SO MANY ITALIANS ::hungarianflagemoji::” on twitter.). CNN Like, Eurovision related media LOVE portraying it as a ~life-chaning confort anthem~ - the reality is that “Fai rumore”, while playing its part, was merely a tiny spoke in a giant wheel. 

EJEMPLO QUATRO:

Well take a look at how many people will reblog this post and slam it for daring to point out, what I think are really obvious truths to anyone who doesn’t suffer from musical myopia. 

In the end, the song is okay and it’s okay to love it. But if you ‘love’ it because you’ve convinced yourself that you must, and not because it genuinely means something to you, I don’t think you have grounds to criticise to criticise anyone but yourself.

NF Corner

As I said, I didn’t follow San Remo live (I never do! *gasp* blasphemy, I know), but I did plan to check it for this write-up except RAI deleted every live performance? And they won’t let me embed the few remaining vids either? 

Anyway, this happened so right-click-open this a new tab and then return once you’ve finished it. 

Backstage feuds being fought out LIVE on the stage in front of millions of viewers 😍 Apparently Morgan and Bugo were at loggerheads for a while, and had a massive row RIGHT before their performance on the second night, which caused Morgan to stray from the script and sing all the insulting things Bugo told him *to Bugo* instead of the actual lyrics of their duet. 😍 😍 😍 Bugo IMMEDIATELY stormed off the stage to the point where Amadeus had to like... literally tell the gobsmacked audience that Bugo had left the building 😍 😍 😍. This is some god-tier pettiness and I’m completely in awe of it. DEITIES. 😍

aside from Sincerogate, I would’ve embedded vidoes that contained the DRAMA (Rancore), CAMP (Achille) and UNABASHED WEIRDNESS (Levante) of this year’s line-up, but I guess RAI really doesn’t like for people to have fun. Oh well. 

Italy 2020 vs Italy 2021

Diodato is male and Italian, so yeah, guaranteed top 10 in Rotterdam, no matter what happens. Search your feelings, you know it to be true. Cynicism aside, televoters WOULD have flocked to it without thinking twice (for exactly those two reasons), passing over many better entries in the process and well... I’m tired and exhausted and I think you can guess I am not very impressed by this likely outcome. 

Not sure what RAI’s strategy for 2021 is (lol it’s RAI - they don’t have a strategy. besides Italy have bigger fish to fry than the Eurovision Song Contest as you know), but I’m not very invested either way. I could imagine them internally selecting Diodato if he’s willing to do ESC in 2021, but if this was a one-off deal (which I think it was), they will probably select another plain white bloke for you to obsess over, so no worries :-) #TuttoVaPene

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’m sort of conflicted? On one hand, god Fai Ru*snore* is SO typical of “Italy in Eurovision”, not just from a musical perspective but from a point of reverence as well. On to the other hand, when are the fanbases *not* acting insane w/r/t Italy?

San Remo was  really crazy this year, enough for me to award Italy a couple Senheads. However... if I wanted to see nice and inoffensive triumph over a bunch of deranged, gimmicky, ott masterpieces, I’d just rewatch #London1977? (offensive take #16: “people that like Marie Myriam the most in 1977 do not understand Eurovision”) Ehhhh whatevs.

Score: 2 Senhits out of 5. 

[shuttershocky]

Why you should watch Canaan

Alright friends it’s time to bring out the cursed content. Here’s a big post about why you should watch Canaan, an anime based off an extra scenario in the visual novel 428 Shibuya Scramble, conceptualized by none other than the most infamous duo of Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.

What’s it about?

Canaan is a goofy action movie in a 13 episode format about a Middle Eastern mercenary / super-spy with magic eyes called Canaan and her quest to take down her adopted elder sister Alphard Al Sheya, the leader of a bioterrorist organization called Snake, all while keeping her Japanese photographer girlfriend Maria Osawa safe from the crossfire.

The Main Cast

Canaan

Shiki Ryougi BUT WITH A GUN

No really she’s got some magic synesthesia that gives her Mystic Eyes abilities

She can see feelings and emotions as colors, which basically lets her wallhack by seeing enemies through walls and quickly discern between enemies and civilians.

Gun-fu specialist

Deeply empathetic to others but has difficulty expressing herself

Wants to live a normal and happier life but is consumed by vengeance

Sees herself as a gun instead of a person; no real sense of self

Entertains herself with string like a cat

GAY

FUCK GRAVITY

Alphard

Voiced by Maaya Sakamoto doing her Shiki voice so she’s also Shiki, WITH A GUN

Actual Resident Evil villain down to her terrorist plot making use of a sci-fi virus

Extremely hammy and makes little sense.

Even more skilled at gun-fu than Canaan.

Cold sociopath who literally shot her own adoptive father in cold blood

Can literally beat a truck full of men with both arms tied behind her back

O O F

Maria Osawa

GAY 

Fearless journalist, a photographer out to prove herself.

GAY

Precious pure cinnamon roll

GAY

Canaan’s damsel in distress and the only one who sees Canaan for the person she is

GAY

Her reporter partner treats her like a kid but respects her idealism and instinct

GAY

Poorly hidden Jeanne D’arc recolor, thanks Takeuchi

GAY

Don’t be fooled you can tell these are Nasu characters when half of their scenes are fucking eating

The Romance

“Ok Shutters you talked up the romance a lot this shit better be good”

Allow me to present the following points for why Canaan and Maria are worth your time

1/3rd of Canaan is made up of their dates. 

They go out for ice cream, see the stars, hold hands, affirm that they are the single most important person to each other in the world. Happens like every two-three episodes.

It’s not fanservice. 

Make no mistake this is a Nasu and Takeuchi work: you’re getting your fanservice, just not from these two. Their interactions are very pure, focusing a lot more on the emotion of the moment than any male-gazey camera work. I’m gonna tell you now though, they don’t kiss at the end. (BOOOOO)

Their relationship is the story’s main priority

Canaan’s story is dumb as fuck, having a hilariously bad understanding of biological concepts and going about its twists and turns with all the subtlety and care of an 80′s action movie. Where it does put the effort in is portraying how important Canaan and Maria are to each other, spending a lot of time that could have been used to make a more cohesive plot to instead further flesh out their relationship. You learn how they first met, exactly how different they are in terms of their backgrounds, their personalities, and their ideologies, as well as how they build each other up to be better people.

Shit to watch out for

Like all things that spring from the mind of the Mushroom Man, this show is obviously not without its caveats. Some of these include:

The crazy (possibly incestuous) imouto

Yes Nasu’s worst trope is back in this one. A woman claiming to be Alphard’s biological younger sister appears as a villain who is crazy obsessed with getting her love and approval. She becomes increasingly deranged as the series progresses, and her downfall is a genuinely disturbing thing to see.

Shit gets violent

There is blood everywhere. Bullets, knives, grenades, gas, superpowers, an experimental virus and live wires go flying in every episode. Canaan does not fuck around; she has absolutely no qualms with plugging a man full of bullets should they endanger herself, civilians, or especially Maria. It’s a marked departure from Nasu’s usual protagonists, all who dislike or at least refrain from killing until it’s the only possible option.

Body Horror

Plenty of Canaan’s enemies are superpowered humans who have made themselves bioweapons in order to gain various powers. Some of these powers manifest as light body horror. While I don’t think there’s anything one can classify as extremely nauseating, try not to think about your popcorn while watching. It’s better that way.

Other things you may like to know

The dub is good

If dubs are your thing then Canaan’s got you covered. I can personally confirm that the English dub is excellently done and while you may miss out on some fantastic voice acting from the JP cast, the English cast puts in a few great performances themselves. Especially Maria’s partner, his English VA is hilarious.

Great action scenes

Canaan is adept at fighting in any situation whatsoever, whether that be on the roof of a truck, on top of a train, or inside an underground sci-fi bunker being assaulted by mindblowing (literally) soundwaves. The fights are all really well animated, and there’s even a noticeably distinct fighting style between Canaan and Alphard despite having had the same training, which really helps establish their different personalities.

Jouji Nakata plays a crazy fucking taxi driver who drives on anything but the road all the while singing along to his favorite idols.

YOROKOBE, CANAAN

No seriously

I probably should have led with this

See it for yourself

Now do yourself a favor and watch Canaan. It’s dumb. It’s fun. It’s a good, gay time and your best look at what the Type-Moon duo can do when asked to make an action movie. If you love Type-Moon’s balance of Unlimited Bullshit Works with Endearing and Well-Written Character Relationships, you’ll have a grand old time.

And if for some reason you’re following me and seeing this post despite not being a Nasu fan, see it anyway! It takes place outside his literary universe and does things just differently enough that it just might be your cup of tea. 

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Tomás Nochteff (Mueran Humanos)

Mueran Humanos, an Argentinian duo now based in Berlin, mixes post-punk, industrial-inflected synth explorations, garage rock and psychedelia. Carmen Burguess and Tomás Nochteff share vocal duties and play a very basic line-up of instruments: bass, synths, drum machines and samplers. In his review for Dusted, Andrew Forell called their latest, Hospital Lullabies, “a thrilling concoction of electronic, industrial, bass-driven body music fueled by the transgressive spirit of a DAF or a Psychic TV.” Here, Tomás presents his list of visionary music.

A list of visionary music

What is a visionary? Visions can come in dreams, in journeys to other worlds, in hallucinations. They can be the product of will, of a derangement of the senses, or they can come uninvited to save you or to haunt you and destroy your mental balance, even your life. It can be heavenly, or hellish, but to be authentic visions they have to be otherworldly. And to be visions rather than just imagination, they must have an element of truth. Not literal truth, like “that wall is green,” but a different kind of truth, the one that´s expressed in symbols, in metaphors, in omens and obsessions. In “Heaven and Hell,” Aldous Huxley analyzed the visions of people under the influence of psychedelic drugs, the visions of mystics and the visions of schizophrenics. He found fundamental parallels and concluded that they must have been visiting the same places. These people are not merely hallucinating, but they are perceiving another reality, visiting a different world, or maybe they are perceiving the world as it really is. And he quotes Jung on this: “schizophrenics and mystics are on the same ocean, but schizophrenics are drowning and mystics are swimming.” A visionary could be a mix of all these archetypes. Like Philip K Dick: was he on drugs? Yes. Was he mad? Yes. Was he seeking enlightenment? Yes. Had his visions an element of truth? No doubt about it. Were his visions revelations? To some extent, yes.

On our last album, Hospital Lullabies, the songs deal with all these different experiences on the journey to another world and on the invasion from another world into everyday life, with its horror and its beauty, the agony and the ecstasy. And how one copes, or doesn´t, with it.

So to celebrate it, I made a list of music that I do consider visionary. There’s madmen, there’s mystics and there’s psychonauts, all possible combinations of the three archetypes and everything in between.

Pharoah Sanders—“The Creator has a Masterplan” (Impulse)

I don´t know much about cosmic jazz, or any jazz for that matter, but what I know is that this record is pure bliss. “Harvest Time,” on Pharoah is another masterpiece. Alice Coltrane and Don Cherry are also incredible. This is music of the spheres; it has the touch of God.

Rudimentary Peni—CacophonyI (Outer Himalayan Records)

One of the few perfect punk bands ever, for lots of reasons. The bass lines are extraordinary, for example. But they belong here because of schizophrenic member Nick Blinko: incredible artist & novelist, obsessed with Catholicism and the supernatural horror. A guy who stopped his medication to force himself into a psychotic crisis just to write an album. Hero. Martyr.

Nico— “Janitor of Lunacy” (Cherry Red Records)

For me, Nico was the best and more underrated of all Velvets (and we love Velvet Underground as much as anyone). Also, the production from John Cale on her records is probably his best work too, or at least among his best. I feel that she is not appreciated enough. Iggy said that meeting her changed him. I suspect that´s true for all her famous friends: Bowie, Lou Reed, John Cale, Leonard Cohen, etc. They were all larger-than-life characters. And we know there is an element of self-built mythology on all that, a bit of acting. There is nothing wrong with that; rock and roll at its best is a complete artform and we must appreciate this self-built mythology as part of their craft. But with Nico you don´t get that feeling. She seemed that she didn´t care about her image, she was born Nico and I suspect that in that sense she inspired them all to no end. She was the genuine article. One of our main loves in music. Essential with a capital E.

Coil—“I Don’t Want To Be The One”

Jhonn Balance wanted to be a magician, and he died trying. I think he succeed in building a shamanic body of work with the help of the great late Sleazy and a myriad of brilliant contributors. Coil´s music at its best it´s like a plasma between worlds, or a very, very good psychedelic drug. My most beloved electronic/industrial/post-industrial project ever and one of our main influences. This performance is superb.

Lungfish — Feral Hymns

I´m not interested in DC post hardcore per se, and I don´t have any tattoos. I shouldn´t care about Lungfish the way I do, but they knock me out every single time. Daniel Higgs is a seer. I don´t know what he is talking about, but at the same time, my gut knows exactly what he is talking about. He speaks in images, like Tarot, like the religious painters, like Rimbaud and San Juan de la Cruz. His delivery is supreme. Raw and fragile, yet powerful and precise. Over circular, repetitive, minimal structures of music that have a haunting, arresting effect. Hypnotic, magical, devotional music. Either you get it, or you don´t. I can´t explain it. That´s the beauty of it, I suppose. And the truly mark of the visionary artist.

Ghedalia Tazartes—“Une Éclipse Totale De Soleil Part 2”

Ghedalia for me represents the pure, untouched, sui generis artist. Applying the techniques of musique concrete to the ancient folk music of the Sephardic Jews with a raw energy that usually you can only find in punk, or blues. I see in him an archetype, the Fool card in the Tarot. The madman that opens the gates of heaven and hell, gives himself to these supreme energies and survives only because of his perfect innocence.

OM—“Sinai (live at Sonic City)”

Maybe the greatest rock band of the last 20 years. Here with Robert Aiki Aubrey Lowe to maximum effect.

Charlemagne Palestine—Live in Holland 1998

Like Ghedalia, Charlemagne Palestine is a Jewish artist that works in the avant garde field but subverts it with the tradition of his folk music instead of sticking to the cold, cerebral, rational program of academia. He has his own world. Watch this and you will understand what I am talking about.

Virgin Prunes—Excerpts from Sons Find Devils/“Walls of Jericho”

There is a VHS tape called Sons Find Devils, comprised of live shows and short experimental films (some of them made by Balance, from Coil). I had it as a teenager and watched it countless times. Sadly, it is not complete on YouTube or elsewhere but here are some small extracts. With their heretic mix of Irish Catholic imagery, Irish Paganism, Bataille, performance art and post punk, the Virgin Prunes made a unique and extraordinary body of work. A testament of its importance is that Gavin Friday was guest singer of two bands in this list: The Fall and Coil. And Mr. Scott Walker himself invited him to sing on a play. Maybe the historians ignore them, but Mark E. Smith, Scott Walker and Coil knew where it’s at, didn´t they? Their record If I die I die is a masterpiece. Produced by Colin Newman from Wire, no less, if you need more validation.

Boredoms—Vision Creation Newsun

I like some of the more comical, early work of Boredoms, but with Super AE and this one they got me. They got serious and spiritual, channeling Alice Coltrane, tribal drumming, kraut rock and noise into a glorious, euphoric sound. Maybe they are not visionaries, but their music can produce visions. I saw them around 2005 (on acid) with the three drummers line up, still in this phase. I remember thinking “this is what cavemen had in mind when they invented music.” I actually saw it, with my eyes closed. Early humans. In caves. Inventing music. God bless LSD.

Aphrodite´s Child — 666

The one record I bought for the cover only, it cost me 50 cents, best deal of my life. A concept album about the apocalypse. Easy contender for the best psychedelic rock album of all time. Pet Sounds? Get outta here. An absolute masterpiece.

Tim Buckley—Starsailor

Tim Buckley is a mystery. He died too young. How he went from his L.A. folk rock first album to the absolute unique sound of Starsailor and Lorca is impossible to understand and a miracle of music. All six records in between are masterpieces. He was possessed by genius and has the most beautiful voice. I don´t know much about him, but his music put me out there.

Sun Ra—Night Music 1989

Watch this. Space is The Place, indeed.

Pescado Rabioso—Artaud

This guy, Luis Alberto Spinetta, is considered by many to be the most important rock musician in my country. So being an arrogant teenage punk, or whatever, of course that alone was enough to reject him altogether without even thinking. But a couple of years ago I was blown away by a book of poems he published in 1978. Incredibly beautiful, unique and sophisticated poetry. I recently started, too late, to listen to his music. This is one of his most famous and revered records. It´s dedicated to, and inspired by Antonin Artaud, who tried and failed to reach the mystic enlightenment, generating a body of work in the process which is a testament to his spiritual ambition, his radical rejection of the material world and his pain. Spinetta understood this, he said the record was trying to find an answer to Artaud, a way out of it, a way out of the pain. It´s psychedelic music of the highest order. The lyrics are incredible but you can enjoy it even without understanding them.

Dead Can Dance—Dyonisios

I kept forgetting this band exists. This new album is great. I listened to it non-stop during last Winter/Spring. It´s the perfect time because the record is about Dyonisios, so as a soundtrack for the rebirth of Nature it´s perfect. Probably their best work in years. Sublime.

The Fall—“Garden” (Live at the Hacienda, Manchester, UK, 1984)

No list of visionary rock and roll would be complete without Mark E. Smith. Famously he said, “I used to be a psychic but I drank my way out of it.” Indeed, there was a time, between 1978-1990, when he was possessed by something, injecting realism with mysticism, mixing high and low planes, exposing the supernatural forces that hides in the cracks of everyday life. He never talks about hell neither heaven, but rather the way they mix and manifest here on Earth. You’ve got countless of bands using occult/mystic imagery, and you know it´s nice but it´s just a game. You’ve got thousands of bands referencing Burroughs and the cut-up technique, but no one can write as Burroughs did. MES did it. MES wasn´t playing. He was a realist of the augmented reality, he told it like it is, in his fragmented, hallucinatory, unpretentious, visionary prose poetry.

There is a lot in his lyrics that can be read in a mystic, occult way. He left a lot of clues for the ones that can read them. His texts are kaleidoscopic, and they reflect what´s in your mind, really. I think he will be recognized with time as the great experimental writer that he actually was rather than merely an angry Mancunian punk. He had more in common with someone like Iain Sinclair than with any other rock musician. One of my favorite web sites is The Annotated Fall, where fans analyze his lyrics in depth. Pay a visit if you can, I can´t recommended it enough. In many ways, he was too intelligent for rock and roll, and that´s why he was misunderstood, but he didn´t care, he believed in constant work, never explain, never apologize. The Fall took all the best things in rock and roll: Can, Velvet Underground, punk, Captain Beefheart, and pushed it to the next level. Our favorite rock group ever.

Huun Hur Tu — “Prayer”

I tried to stick to Western, modern music but I can´t help including this.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Estonia to Eurovision with a lowkey tribute to Avicii soundwise I guess

I’m not one of those people to go all their way out to overdefend Eesti Laul as “THE most diverse NF to ever exist songwise”, but even I was disappointed in this sudden rush of radiofriendly pop music that I would rather refuse to describe if I had to endure any of them ever again all at once this year. Remember - Netta won with being CRAZY! Why can’t Estonia be CRAZY even more! Was this secretly a bigger demand from the new producers or so that Estonia would need to out-radiofriendly the Latvians whose goal actually was to find a good radiofriendly song that’s enough for qualification????

Also, I kind of wanted to watch Eesti Laul, but I haven’t really settled with it, as I didn’t have enough patience to watch it one time it wasn’t on Saturday (!!). Even with Eesti Laul usually taking the live tweets from foreign fans into account and displaying some of them on the national Estonian television for good measure. And often showcasing their weirdness through crude animations every so often. But I already saw my Twitter timeline being full of that stuff, and for that I’m happy.

I did have some favourites despite being tired of all this pop stuff, and one of them was the ever-so-gender-ambiguous INGER (I say so cuz I thought it was a guy, turns out it’s a she, yeah), and I kind of wanted to see her win after the lowkey last minute interest towards her? But the televote didn’t seem to want any of it during the final public say, and didn’t even want Kerli (not the Spirit Animal Kerli) through despite of her being “hot” (are we now choosing ESC NF winners based on their looks??? tighten up ffs). Instead the final’s televote thought it’d be a good idea to fuck up the international jury’s expectations by putting through an act that got 2(!!!!!) finalised points from them jurors overall and making it win the superfinal. That televote 12 the act got beforehand was just enough for the guy to last-minute qualify over another act of 14 overall points, and who knows, maybe if it wasn’t for that 12, the winner would’ve been someone else. But it didn’t and we have a last minute qualifier victory because televote superfinal is a thing.

And in the literal sense of the way Estonian minds thought their victor that was unfairly treated by the juries was a Swedish singer Victor Crone and his song “Storm”, which was written by the one and only Stig Rastafarian~ err I mean Rästa. Stig is one mythical human creature that never rests a minute without really wanting to appear in the Estonian delegation somewhere every year - whether as all by himself, with someone else, as a songwriter for someone else, or even as part of a band (remember Traffic, anyone? Now that I think of it, the whole band looks like a puppet-act just for Stig to get to Eurovision and the other band members didn’t even want any of it in the first place). Just exactly what is Stig’s aim here? To "take it back to Tallinn”? To meet new people in Europe because he’s too lazy to travel otherwise? To boast about the many Estonian entries he contributed to? Beats me.

That and Victor Crone being Swedish, therefore a man more suited to Melodifestivalen (where he actually once participated in) and only on Eesti Laul because Stig really wanted to save his voice for this one and tag some randomer along with him just for the sake of yearly input to Eesti Laul. Well, at least Victor is historically joining Sahlene and Sandra Oxenryd as “a Swede represending Estonia for a year because what do we know for the Estonians that weren’t chosen instead”. Let’s check his song out.

First and foremost, as the title obviously states, the song reminds me of the late Avicii’s music style, especially around 2012-2013, when he was just starting to get bigger post-”Levels”-release. Just with a bit more singing surrounding the song because... well, maybe to fill up the song some more in order to not look awkward on stage during an instrumental part of the drop being as long as would be one you hear on the radio.

Then he has this easy-listening generic male radio voice that the audiences can not necessarily reasonate with, but it’s memorable, together with the chorus, whose purpose is to be memorable - you don’t need no message that’s special, you just need a melody to hum in your head for the next few weeks, and that’s basically what Stig was able to achieve with this little ditty. Then there’s the amazingly easy song structure: verse - chorus - verse - (extended) chorus - bridge - chorus (+ song ending). That’s a structure that works on basic songs to make them more user-consumption-friendly and not too overbearingly dragged out. And I enjoy it, just like I did “Light Me Up” last year, which was also sung by a mediocre-live-vocalist-Swede that could have easily ended up 6th in Melodifestivalen edition with such song, sadly. I do acknowledge that it’s basic, but I enjoy it.

The problem the Eurofandom finds with this song is that it’s too basic of a song from Eesti, Victor’s proven himself to be a dull live singer, and the chorus rhymes “like this” with “like this”, and all the self-rhymes are automatically shite. And it’s fine if a song I like has its flaws, but it automatically worries me that its live potential is automatically down the drain because of the singer’s lack of vocal compassion or strenght. That begs the question, why choosing THAT kind of song if it’s totally going to underperform live in Eurovision if the singer wasn’t sick in the NF at the time???

...oh I get it now, you Estonians must have thought Stig deserves another year in the Estonian greenroom. Or you found Victor hot. Or you find it great that a song about a storm actually was originally staged to look like Victor’s in a storm. At least for the televiewers’ eye. Because all that they see in the real arenas is the singers’ backs if they don’t turn around in time.

With visuals like these, why even need a music video! (except that there already is one, look at the beginning of the review)

All in all, all condiments are there: just the sugar, spice and everything nice there’s needed for a song like this to break a fandom like this. You can practically smell the Hesburger grease from this song. I don’t care if that’s a bad thing - if you like the song, that’s fine, just shut up and enjoy... but if you dislike it, welp, there’s no way I can change your mind then.

And a random backing singer. Not that she’s helpful as the one for Ott Lepland or anything, she just strikes like thunder and leaves no lasting impact whatsoever.

Greta Salóme’s imaginary cousin, is that you????

Now excuse me while I contradict and repeat myself some more in the next few paragraphs:

Approval factor: As you might have seen me shading Elina a lot last year, I can safely say that at last I’m spared from her vocal practice entrapped in a porcelain-and-silk dressing!!! I like “Storm” myself so I’ll sheepishly approve the hell out of it, lolol. :-)

Follow-up factor: I would be lying if I didn’t say that after a risky-ish way to get all out opera and then coming back to a safe song after doing well with that opera number weren’t a complete nosedive into an empty pool. Subjectively it flows way better for me, but objectively, and the same could be, once again, said for Eesti Lawl [sic] 2019, it is rather interesting of a letdown? But hey, maybe it was finally time for the Estonians to chillax a bit and cave in to send an Estonian-Swedish pop number after the opera stuff, after the 80s synthpop stuff, after the smooth and slightly orchestrated and a little bluesy number, and heart-grabbing ballads... just so they could keep up their ‘variety’ in case Hungary runs out of ideas and starts sending cop-outs of themselves. They already did it with rehashing one artist and one lyrical idea already this year (the catch is that the father’s alive!), honestly. And oddly enough, they have yet to send something a little more modern/electro-influenced that appeals to the common crowd... (”Running” may not count because not everyone can relate, whereas there are more cases of broken-off love (as if in the other half being a heartbreaker or the first half missing the other half so much that they feel “incomplete” than abusive fathers. Just what I think there is? If I’m wrong I obviously expect to be @’ed in the replies section lol) For this conclusion though I’ll say that my opinion says it’s a ‘’’decent’’’ follow up, but for Eurofans, it’s not very much so of such, idk.

Qualification factor: you may think it’s dead while going to perform in between the more badass entries AND mediocre live vocals, but it won’t at least be the worst Stig entry to ever place - around 14th in the semi at the very worst and maybe in the lower half of top 10 at very best imo. Nothing more, nothing less.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

I actually barely even bother with Eesti Laul since they don’t accept my Twitter comments live on their television anyways. Say, were there any Twitter comments live on their television this year? No one on Twitter boasted about it if they saw theirs from what I’ve seen, but what I’ve definitely found from the eager Eesti Laul watchers were some casual and usual Estonian oddities thrown on the broadcast, such as:

• The soft and warm but also random and deranged yearly transitional postcard animations (that were refered to as “crude” earlier in this review), which I commonly know now as “my last two braincells”. Even if the graphical theme itself of this year’s Ee-Lawl were oddly-shaped birds coming out in forms of letters, they didn’t really show up much in the broadcast I suppose, and the best fuckery with my mind this year definitely happened when I saw some of THOSE pop up on my Twitter timeline:

We now return to your regularly scheduled news programm~ wait why are you saying that the scheduled programme should be Eesti Laul

• Even if the most acts themselves weren’t that kooky musically, they were obviously interesting performance-wise. We were greeted with an impulsively quirky crazy cat lady Kaia Tamm who bemoaned the absence of the fluffy creatures in German somehow (you know Germany’s a terrible track-record keeper when the only song in German this year featured on Estonia and the only German in Eurovision this year was gonna be sung by an Ukrainian entrant if she was alowed to), as if a song in full Italian from last year wasn’t enough. Not only did she dress up as Alice in Wonderland with kitty ears, but her costumed dancers were entertaining, the violinist was FIRE and a cute large teddy bear looked cute on stage. Not to mention, someone have rightfully noticed that some costumed felines in the audience looked like as if they were to kill someone:

• Lumevärv too is an interesting thing. Never forgetting Lumevärv. This Inga woman, the fiery orangehead she was, used her 3 minutes on stage the best possible way with dancing with her back turned on at the audience and only looking at the camera, while millions of lights (which is sadly not what the songtitle "Milline päev" means) shone in the audience, creating an amazing mood.

• Hey everyone, the 10 years challenge is back! This time it’s with the violin virtuousess(???) Sandra Nurmsalu, the lead of Urban Symphony, who deserved much more than a 3rd place. Unfortunately the Estonians did not bring her back to get her desired revenge, which meant that they thought that they woodn’t need no magic tale fairy that’d grant them tree wishes and let her magic wand our out the wondrous [sic] sawdust. I’m already seeing myself out for how terrible this sounded. And it’s a bit saddening about this not doing as well as some hoped, considering she would have brough out the new and the better Jacques Houdek teas:

• Other favourite act of mine from this year, besides the aforementioned “ever-so-gender-ambiguous-looking INGER” with her indie-folk jingle “Coming Home”, was the charming disco-haired Sissi Nylia Benita with a wholesomely radio bop “Strong”, and they both actually looked like they stood a chance in the superfinal vote-up now that the actual Eesti Laul fan favourites, pretty cute pop boys like piano-indie-pop-driven Stefan and electro-pop-and-Kirkorov-driven Uku Suviste, were not receiving enough support by the juries I guess??? I’ll show a video to INGER if anything and link you all to the rest so you could judge these young and beautiful souls to yourselves in a way!

• Other note-worthy acts include another song about the notorious instrument horsefly in Ee-Lawl’s history that stood even less chance than “Parmupillihullus” but is still fun regardless, and the united forces of Tanja (EE 2014) and Birgit (EE 2013) trying to compose a bigband talk show anthem and dedicating the lyrics for them being ladies with their high heels out on. And honestly, that’s all I’m gonna talk of acts-wise because most other songs were THAT of a radiofriendly-radio-filler that they don’t warrant anything else exciting for me to say.

• No but for real, the voting to the superfinal was completely off-rails. Instead of Victor, juries were there to support that Kerli woman that wasn’t from 2017 (and her soft acoustic song too), as well as Sissi and INGER (but you already know that because I barely read my write-ups before I finish them, hence lots of redundancy). At least that’s all to my knowledge. But everything definitely changed when the televote attacked! And turned the top 3 all male, lol. This voting was rather random simply because the juries didn’t really love Victor, but it definitely took the televote to convince them that “lol Victor is definitely worth of Eurovision!!! screw that he’s non-Estonian!!!” (the difference is that Victor doesn’t have a big social media following unlike Bilal and didn’t win an obnoxiously people-powered talent show unlike USNK from A Dal 2018 - it’s just that he’s more backed by Stig Rästa, and Stig is love, Stig is life.) Honestly, I am all up for unpredictable voting, but if it looks unpleasant to me, then I feel like tuning out.

We’re over with this write-up, thank-fuck-fully, so that you won’t need to hear me lamenting how supposedly cheap “Storm” is ever again. But before that I will have to leave you with some Eurovision 2019 facts coming on: Estonian delegation can be lucky for once - instead of having had to panic for spending an egregious amount of money for a staging detail, this year they don’t have to worry, as the organizers were so shook by Victor’s stormy sky effect, they offered to pay for it themselves!!! Crazy, huh??? (reported for favouritism)

And now I’m done. And we’re moving on to another review and I end up wishing Victor Crone the every best of luck out there. Storm out with a good time well spent! (Whatever that might mean.)

[strechanadi]

POB Swan Lake overthinking no. 783

I don’t have time for this, she said. I have to work on actual papers, she said. And here she is, writing shitload of words about another POB Swan Lake, since she’s a respectable, responsible adult human being.

(Dear @spinmelikeyoumeanit, this is purely your fault, please do know I hate you right now. Enjoy the madness and all the mistakes I am far too lazy to correct. If I’d be able to find them in the first place, that is.)

Shockingly enough, I was yet again asked to share my opinions on POB Swan Lake. And we all know the real meaning behind question „what did you think about SL?“ is in POB case „What did you think about Wolfgang/Siegfried relationship?“ Can’t quite believe that after the madness that was 2016 recording, someone think it healthy to let me dive into this once again. But you wanted it, so here we go!

  You know, despite my academic title, that was supposed to made me educated in matters of history, theory, aesthetics, and who the hell knows what else of dance, I’m still just 5yo child in a overgrown body deep down. So watching anything on stage I am still very much driven by my feelings, my opinions formed by and based on my liking certain things and disliking others (and by disliking I mean hating – 5yo child, don’t forget that). I am all too well aware of my reviews, critics, even the supposedly professional ones, being strongly personal and not at all objective. (As I think is pretty clear even from bad English translations…) (And let’s not begin with the „is it even possible to write an objective, i.e. unbiased, review at all?“ let’s just… not.) (Because it surely is and it‘s just me, painfully incapable of doing so, and desperately trying to hide my own lameness by saying such things as „it can’t be done, so why wasting time trying?“) (However an essay on me and my way of writing things is absolutely different matter, that no one was asking for, and reasonably so. I’m going to shut up now and maybe even get myself to the point…)

  Thinking about yesterday’s performance, there’s one feeling coming back constantly, no matter how valiantly I’m trying to fight it. It’s disappointment. And I HATE it! Partly because – come on, disappointment is not at all something one should feel after watching Nureyev’s POB SL, partly because it’s utterly absurd – the company was in top shape, 2nd and 4th act corps de ballet flawless, Nureyev’s choreography still one of the best I know. And yet…

It’s like I cannot be given POB SL I would like 150%, without questions, without reservations.

Don‘t get me wrong, I love the 2005 recording. It opened my eyes, it made me realize French technique is IT for me, it showed me Karl for the first time and made me fell in love with him (and with Wolfgang) the second he stepped on stage in prologue (if anybody ever tells you love at first sight doesn’t exist, well…). I utterly loved Agnes as Odette/Odile and after few years I realized I actually adore the costumes, the faded colours, the weirdly dreamy atmosphere. But even though I got to understand José Martinez and his interpretation of Siegfried at the end (like after 3 years, never said I was the brightest one), I still felt there’s something missing for me to be completely happy. (But then again, there was Karl the-best-Wolfgang-one-could-ever-hope-for Paquette, and that alone could make me happy for days!)

Knowing me you are probably a bit confused right now, because hello, you were obsessing over 2016 recording for literal weeks, you wrote utterly mad review on it AND another positively deranged essay on main characters, you were clearly unable to shut up about it for even 5 seconds, so what the hell are talking about now, not being 150% happy with any SL recording so far. Well yes, I got to see Siegfried I loved embarrassingly much, and Wolfgang/Rothbart that worked so well with him, that I was almost able to forget Karl (for exactly 27 seconds or so), but then there was Amandine, whose Odette was just… well… eh, nothing special, and as minor issue as it may seems, it still left the faintest bitter taste somewhere deep, deep down, thanks to which I simply couldn’t make myself to say – yes, this is the best Swan Lake of all Swan Lakes I’ve ever seen and you all should just stop with whatever you are doing right now and go watch it (even thought it was one of the best Swan Lakes I’ve ever seen and you all should stop with whatever you are doing right now and go watch it).

And now, now I got Odette/Odile with personality and strong charisma again, Wolfgang that is still more Rothbart that anything else, but that I got used to. And Siegfried, who I fucking hate. There. My inner child strikes again. In full force.

 Honestly, Germain was my biggest disappointment. And kind of the only one, thinking about it now. It’s rather ridiculous, dismiss the whole performance because of one character, isn’t it? And that character being Siegfried. It’s not like there are not quite few SL with a bit boring princes, right? It’s kind of expected, not that shocking, is it? But hell – if I love Nureyev’s ballets it’s because he’s given his male heroes more time, more space, more dance, more personality. If I love Nureyev’s SL it’s because of Siegfried being the main character (and because of Wolfgang/Rothbart, because of corps de ballet, because of many other things, but you get my point, surely). This SL demands much from its main hero, and is not forgiving. Or maybe in reality it is and the unforgiving bitch is me. And rest assured I am. I love Siegfried. I love his character, the possibilities the dancer’s given in interpretation and I fucking love his variations. And Germain kind of killed everything, or almost everything for me. It is personal, of course it is, how it cannot be? But one just couldn’t mess one of the most beautiful variations ever made and expect I’d be just, you know what, whatever, your feet were pointed, your 5th position perfect, your technique overall crystal clear, and you are pretty, so who cares? Who cares about interpretation? Who cares about how it seems you have no idea, what you were doing 5minutes ago, what you are doing now and where your character is heading? God, Germain, please, this Siegfried is not just some other prince. He’s so much more than that. You could do practically anything with his character, built it the way you want, the way you are, the way you believe. Just use that pretty head of yours and what’s inside!

There were moments in act 1 (that, let’s be clear, sets the mood for the whole thing), that were promising. I loved what a child Siegfried was, how eager he was to pleased Wolfgang, what an adorable little puppy he could be. (And what is it with me and puppies lately?! First Armand, then one of Bourne’s princes, now Germain, when does this stop? I should choose different animal, seriously. Or different comparison altogether…), but the more promising these moments were – like the one, where Siegfried was looking at Wolfgang as (and I cannot describe it in any other way) a blushing virgin, which, and I swear, made me screamed so loud it could be heard across the ocean! - the more frustrating the outcome.

As I said yesterday, Germain’s Siegfried was like 5yo. You can tell just by looking at him the moment Wolfgang stopped him from following the other boys. I kind of expected Siegfried’s going to stamp his feet or something equally mature :D (but he just went and killed off my favourite variation) (I cannot watch it without screaming, so don’t make me just so you would know what exactly I found problematic).

If anything, his interpretation was simply incoherent. All right, you decided to portray your prince as a child, so pure, so clueless, fine. But if the only thing you can do is one smile, it’s too little, and it is really hard to make your character convincing and not simply annoying after 5 minutes. (Yeah, we got it, you are dreamy, starry eyed kid, cool, could you maybe do something different now? ANYTHING?) But OK. Still could work. But then there’s Siegfried’s variation at the end of act 1. And suddenly you are acting like the teenage prince who is about to marry, who is forced to become and adult and who is scared and has his doubts and all that, but – there was exactly NOTHING before in your way of building your character, that would justify such change. No self-doubt during whole act. None. Zero. Who are you trying to convince now? It’s not going to work all of sudden! And then, another ultimate favourite part of mine – Siegfried/Wolfgang duet. And Siegfried is yet again his unsuspecting, depending, pure baby self. And reading this, you may think, OK, well it could make sense, don’t be such a bitch about it. But it didn’t make sense. The whole interaction had so much potential from Francois‘ part and almost nothing from Germain in return (apart from his perfectly perfect legs – I swear, should he spent as much time thinking about his character as much as he seemed to be thinking about his technique, what an interpretation we could‘ve seen)!

Someone on twitter or somewhere said Germain did his variations beautifully, but they looked more like from concours, than from an actual performance. And that’s exactly it. Not just he became all melancholic out of blue, but the second he was about to do a sissone or a pirouette or a developpé or anything, he was all about technique, about pointed feet, about jump higher and I wanted to scream (so I did).

What hurts me the most is knowing it really, truly could have made sense. Were Germain’s presence more genuine, more real… (or at least consistent!)

  Francois was his usual self as Wolfgang. Still more Rothbart in disguise (*sigh* I want Karl *more pathetic sigh*), smug smile on his face the entire time (I caught myself smirking with him, so he did something right, I’d say) (or maybe I’m just a bad person who would love too much to play with this Siegfried and make him suffer without him even knowing what’s going on) (I told you he was annoying, didn’t I?), he was aware of his power, he was using it freely, enjoying himself (maybe in a bit more reserved manner than in 2016, more for his sake, than for show, even though he could probably laugh at Siegfried’s face and the prince would still run to him happily). And there was Siegfried, all wide eyes, unguarded smiles, so out of touch with anything he physically needed Wolfgang to hold his hand to take him here and there (at one moment pretty disturbing idea crossed my mind – how it would be easier for Wolfgang to just have a leash… I sincerely apologize for my brain, I’d like to say it’s not my fault, truly, but it most probably is.)

Honestly – it was far too easy for Wolfgang this time. This Siegfried believed him implicitly, without question, without doubt, completely, unreservedly, with everything he has, while having no idea, while being completely unaware of a single thing going on around him, not to mention with him. Their relationship was (or could have been) (sorry, inner child, remember) even more uncomfortable, with all those touches literally all over prince’s body – his bare neck, his chest, his arms, his hands, and yet there was anything remotely sexual (not even intimately intimate – if it makes sense) between them. Which was a good thing, because that would be pure child’s pornography…

In act 4, Francois‘ Rothbart was positively mad. Like cartoon villain mad. And it is so not for me… (give me Karl, please, give me all his performances, and if it’s too much, give me just his 4 acts, that’s all I would ever ask for, pretty, pretty, pretty please with the whole cherry tree on top)

 You know me (well you don’t, but you do in a way, which is terrifying and I hope you all have already come to terms with me have to kill you some day), I love looking for things, for meaning of this and that, analysing every tiny bit of one interaction between characters (i.e. overthinking everything and making up more and more insane theories) (this applies on ballet only, I’m literally unable to see anything that is not canon in literature/tv shows/films/whatever, so if I had the misfortune of stumble over fandom of one thing or another, I’m more often than not at loss for what the people are talking about, but that is probably just my own autism showing…) – but with this SL, this Siegfried, I had to try unreasonably hard to see something. And that’s simply wrong. The (over)analysing should be an outcome of pure need, that was brought into life by strong emotions you felt while watching something, it should come naturally. There should be no effort, no trying… It’s quite easy – heart, then mind. If there’s nothing in your heart in the first place, why bother your poor, overworked brain with it? While it probably doesn’t even exist. It doesn’t make sense.

  So to sum this whole SL up, here you have my ultimate conclusion:

Siegfried wasn’t just autistic, he had serious mental affliction. I mean, weren’t Wolfgang right sadistic bastard, he could tell Siegfried to jump out of window, be done with it and spare himself all the effort.

  And since it’s 3.30 AM again, I’m going to bed. To sleep. Not watching Siegfried variations when they were perfect and therefore the world still made sense… (God, it is I who have mental affliction!)

[myvoicenottheoneyougiveme]

In an Orwellian nightmare, thought crimes are the new “crime”.

You’re gonna tell me, gonna tell anyone what something is based on its ability to render unto you greater power over me and my life. It will be framed, recast, rewritten even, to serve a narrative completely removed from the thing actually being talked about.

Everything is this way.

Some things are easier than others to twist and make a scene about. In said nightmare the purpose is control. The truth isn’t the truth; the truth is what you say it is--you the person or entity in control. And that truth is always self-serving and more than anything, decoupled from reality.

The fact that you’re going to burn my life down over every breath I take, one might learn to just stop existing short of actually ceasing. In fact that is my life, in short, where I have stopped existing. Every facet of my life I’ve let go of, claimed by you, taken by you as an instrument of power. Every relationship, friendship, relative, acquaintance, every activity, hobby, place I used to frequent. Everything a “crime”.

Reduced to suffocating and becoming more dysfunctional just holding my breath waiting for it to be over, my every breath--movement of a muscle--it’s picked apart and scrutinized in this utilitarian fashion. The more dysfunctional I get and the more given to dysfunctional means of coping with what can’t be resolved by conventional means (cause reality can’t even be agreed upon by anyone involved you see--”this” isn’t happening and I’m crazy you see) the more my “savior” has as ammunition to justify their occupation and “management” of my life. I have been consumed by the womb-like warmth of an iron maiden. My understanding of medieval torture devices is lacking, but I find it an apt description of the god-queen amalgamation reigning supreme over my life. I get cut up just breathing.

Everything is “this” way. Everything is an avenue, a door, a means--an opening into me to be used as a tool to the deconstruction of my personhood and humanity. To end a life, literally, actually literally. .....The intentions may not be agreed upon, but that is the result. And last I checked your intentions don’t matter, only the consequences. Your own words to me, “we don’t get to decide when we have and haven’t hurt someone”. It isn’t for the person doing to decide that they’re one thing or another, self-delusionally too often. It’s the person that it’s being done to who has the first and last say to the true costs of the “vivisection” (as though there could be any kind of rhyme or reason to the things you do beyond the acquisition of power and control and “supply”).

In the iron maiden I have survived by becoming smaller and more non-existent. The smaller I’ve gotten the more the grip--the noose--has tightened. The more of my life I surrender to shut the door on you, the further in you have encroached. Absolute suffocation and self-medication become the new reality for me. And moments like this one remind me why existing.... it costs too much. But that’s what the powers that be in said nightmare live for--to absolutely brutalize every kind of self-assertion, to hollow out, to leave compliant, empty shells of people.

Art doesn’t ask your permission. But I’m cast a villain for the smallest, simplest things. How much more so for the brutal honesty of someone channeling therapy work into his art form, the emotional crux of which is a real life relationship with a spouse. The best of these examples have a propensity for weaving layer upon layer often coming across as esoteric or worse impenetrable--meaning lost on many (worse when you decide to take a fan cut of something set thematically to a song that has almost nothing to do with what’s actually transpiring on screen--but Linkin Park nailed the gravitas, no?) What we’ve ended up with is a work truly and deeply inspired by a serious depressive episode in an artists life. It’s almost a completely different story being told first half to second half (the tone and the focus having shifted to the deepest darkest and most fundamental places about human existence).

What do you do in therapy? (I keep coming back to the way Richard Grannon described it.) You take trauma and you transform it into pure gold. You perform “alchemy”. To process and integrate, the opposite of shunt and dissociate. All of the episodes (original and director’s cut) leading up to 25 and 26 focus in on each of the main characters. Those final episodes, 25 and 26, play out completely decoupled from the plot that had been building up to that point. Some cited budgetary problems or other things. Production was anything but smooth (especially when you consider the state of the author). But all in all despite being a massively anti-climactic let down in most ways, it played out like a therapy session--surrealist trip into the minds of each of the characters all taking turns in “the chair”.

Hope was the theme--the moral of the story in its most distilled and basic form. When they went back, after public reception to this ending was less than satisfactory, they retold 25 and 26 on the silver screen but reattached to the fictional events that the story had been building up to, before this point. The result was an utterly mind blowing finale which was by every measure a critical and commercial success. Hope was still the moral of the story--the future is unwritten.

There is far far far too much to unpack. I’m still finding examples to this day of this show’s influence and lasting impact far beyond anime itself. I could never address here all the things its been to the numbers of people that were impacted by it. They were even going to give it a Hollywood treatment starring Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) were it not for licensing and corporate studio legal controversy. I’m, in most ways, glad they didn’t, however, given Hollywood’s priorities and propensity for terrible adaptations, but my point is that this isn’t (as you paint it) some obscure work by and for deranged and disturbed individuals. It’s a lauded work of art held in the highest esteem. But it’s also brutally honest, but it would seem that one of these statements usually follows the other. The most impactful and meaningful art is more often than not the art that can be said to be the most unfiltered and honest--raw and genuine.

The future is unwritten. They switched places. In terms of the characters, it was the first real, honest moment either of them had had with each other. It was poetic. It was symbolic. In blurring the lines between art and real life, a bad translation almost ruins this ending. Her next words to him then, read as “disgusting”, should read instead as an expression of “morning sickness” instead of one final fuck you. It’s not even delivered in voice inflection (subs not dubs, people) with the same caustic bite that usually accompanies her usual condescending attitude toward him especially over matters of vulnerability. It would be just like her to find such vulnerability to be pathetic and loathsome. But that’s not what’s happening in this moment. They’ve switched places. One simple touch, in what is the first real, honest moment either of them have had with each other, and he melts. Another heavy moment of silence after looking at him [an image actually replicated in FLCL btw ep.6 he melts] she says, “(you’re) Disgusting / (you disgust me) I feel sick”. “I, myself” said blankly and soberly as originally voiced ...The message here as though to illustrate this statement ...”and life goes on“. Life moves inexorably onward--pulled--moving--with or without you--whether you’re ready or not. A baby. How many rocky marriages, and then a baby...? It’s almost to make trivial the shit they’ve ever fought about. Shit just got real. A baby. ...and life goes on.

The future is unwritten. This isn’t the end; it’s the beginning.

[picture proof FLCL and Eva side by side climaxes to follow... or you know, just refer to your dragnet “screen captures” if you don’t believe me.

As much as I might of my own accord have ever mused about these things, putting out fires you intentionally start whose real consequences drain the life out of me, from you invading my personal space and using whatever you can get your hands on therein to start shit ...the mental and emotional cost to me is beyond taxing in every respect. My every breath, shouldn’t have to answer to you. We’ll go round this block again soon enough, but frankly I just don’t have the time or the energy to waste putting out fires that have absolutely nothing to do with me or anything real but whose cost I am made to bear anyway.

I can’t live “this” way.]

[offtheories]

It's a Mad World

Okay so this is a long one, warning you now, and is spoilerific. 

First off, I want to just post these things to go with one of my points:

The map of the Zones in the Nothingness: 

And this is an image of nuclear radiation spreading into the ocean after the fallout from Japan’s factory explosion: 

Okay so I haven’t played OFF myself, but I’ve been watching a playthrough by a youtube gamer. I kinda glazed over it initially even though I knew the game was interesting, open for interpretation, and a lot of things I usually enjoy just because I was working on a project and it was good background noise while not distracting me too much.

After about six of nine parts of the way through I started paying attention again and saw how much the game had changed and was listening to the player himself exclaiming about what was going on and how he wasn’t sure if the character he was playing was actually a good person.

  So I started watching it over again and also read several fan theories about the world and plot of OFF.

  The theories about Hugo being a sick little boy or the Batter being a deranged father didn’t quite pique my interest just because they seemed rather…obvious. And overused. Like the theory about Ash being in a coma after his first battle with Pokemon, or Frankie from Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends being a mentally challenged child who has literally imagined the world the show exists in. To me personally it just seems too easy, like the horrible story that ends in “it was all just a dream”. The deeply unsettling world and dialogue of OFF seem too thoroughly engineered to make you think to let “it’s all just a sickly little boy’s fantasy” really be the answer. And in my opinion it doesn’t give enough credit to the many small nuances, major traits of the world, and details that come along in the story.

  The theories that intrigue me most are the ones that actually seem to make sense with how the world works instead of just discounting the odd colours and bizarre “four key elements” as negligible. Like the theory that the world of OFF is post-apocalyptic of a nuclear disaster, where humans have survived, but just barely, and have been forced to adapt to new ecosystems created by the mutated world.

  For instance, the bizarre colour palette, the fact that people breathe smoke, and that a primary food source (meat) is harvested from cows and even rivers. All of these are similar to colours associated with “nuclear” colour schemes, neons and sharp contrasts. The Nothingness shows small splotches of colour in an empty darkness, which, if you look at nuclear fallout in infrared vision on a map, you can see that they look similar - the green being areas where the nuclear fallout has dampened a good deal, the red centers the place where it remains active - or even referring to the Guardian of each zone, located at the center of them all. The rest of the world is shown as black, because there is no life left to show up on the map. It’s completely cold and dead, and hence, like anything utterly cold on an infrared heat map, it’s black.

  SPOILER WARNING

  As for the major plot, as the gamer goes through the game, “purifying” the zones of their spectres, when returning to zones that have already been purified, the gamer finds the zone washed out and empty of all colour, the citizens gone - despite having been “saved” from the spectres - and in their place, “humanoid” monsters have replaced them.

  Some key details I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen other fan theories mark into account:

  The Batter, throughout the game, is consistently asked and assumed to be working for the “Queen”. However, AT THE VERY beginning, he OPENLY declares to The Judge that no, he is NOT working for the Queen whatsoever. Considering he is “observed” by the player, who is considered to have some important authority in this game, and even is given important tasks to perform beyond the fourth wall that The Batter could not do himself, it can be assumed the Batter was sent by someone ELSE, someone completely different - it could be the player themself, or yet another source entirely. Whatever the case, the Batter is NOT working for the queen - the people who ARE we later find are the Guardians of the Zones, and, a key character, Valerie, The Judge’s younger brother.

  The reason this is so important is because when the Batter finally encounters Valerie in Zone 3, Valerie tells him outright he is in control of the Spectres that are terrorizing everyone - and Valerie SAYS he is sent by the Queen to bring justice to the zones.

  Rewind back to the previous three Zones that the Batter has cleared. As I watched, I noticed that while the Spectres appeared in many places and directly interfered with the work of the citizens there - simply by terrorizing them and chasing them out of their work spaces - none of the Spectres were once, by any of the citizens there, to have directly actually HURT anyone. The only person we ever saw the Spectres directly attack was Dedan, the first Zone’s Guardian.

  Yes, there ARE citizens encountered that begin to attack the batter, and we see their heads replaced by some sort of straight black explosion going off screen. BUT all of these citizens before attacking seem to be behaving oddly - not aggressive, but different from usual, and some of them ask for help, and some of them simply say they aren’t feeling well. But again, no citizens have reported to the Batter once to have seen any Spectres attacking people, touching people, or “possessing” them in any way. They simply tell him they’re scared, too scared to go near the Spectres.

  As the Batter progresses deeper into each zone, the Spectres and various other monsters cluster more thickly around each Zone boss. Now, all of the Zone bosses are still in place - Valerie has left each of them there either without confronting them at all, or simply not addressing them yet. The ONLY Guardian Valerie ends up attacking is Japhet, who obviously defeats him.

  Now consider how Japhet defeats Valerie - he doesn’t say that he killed him, only is using him as a puppet - like he’s possessed him.

  For a second, take the Batter out of the scene and picture it as what we know so far: Valerie is an envoy sent by the Queen with an army of Spectres to assist him in “bringing justice” to the Zones. He moves past Dedan and several areas leaving behind only Spectres that cluster near the Zone Bosses - individuals that while being “Guardians” of the Zones are clearly abusive or negligent of the citizens that live there. If Valerie is performing an investigation, he’s determined that the Guardians are part of the injustices going on, and appears to be keeping the public away from dangerous areas where the extremely powerful Guardians would easily abuse, hurt, or kill them while in their “unjust” states. However, Valerie doesn’t stop these Guardians or eliminate them - for a reason.

  Moving forward, Valerie has finally confronted a Guardian, Japhet, and lost. His investigation has come to a sad end. We can assume that Valerie either found reason to believe Japhet was the root of injustice in the zones, corrupting the other Guardians and making them abusive of their wards, or that during his investigation of Japhet, Japhet attacked him first as he became aggressive when he found that Valerie was there to end whatever is going on - whether Japhet IS in charge or not. Whether Valerie initiated the attack or not, it came to the same end.

  If Japhet is capable of possessing people, he could easily be suspected as having been the one warping other Guardians, and as a result, certain citizens of their zones. Nonetheless, the Queen’s own investigator had reason for not killing them himself - and I suspect the reason why is the radiation fallout inhabiting their zones.

  If we stick with the post-apoclyptic theory that everything is mutated by radiation and existing in a state of fallout, where some “supernatural” rules exist - after all, the spectres seem to be outright ghosts and there are talking cats and whatnot - then it’s reasonable to assume that perhaps while things exist in a sort of ecosystem with radiation, it’s not quite successful. Aside from the spectres there are physical monsters. There are talking cats. There are mutated people - Dedan, Japhet, Sugar, and the enormous fat guy boss are evidence of that. Dedan, Sugar, and the big guy could easily be warped humans that survived the initial fallout (perhaps the queen is too) and possess a prolonged lifespan along with certain abilities. The key ability shared among them is possibly the ability to keep their zones protected from too much radiation.

  Now bring the Batter back into play.

Once these Guardians are gone, the Zones lose their colour - radiation and heat will peel paint off walls and blacken it, warp colours, kill plant life, resulting in colourless worlds. As the Guardians die, radiation floods the Zones they were protecting with their power. The remaining humanoid race, previously existing well enough, are quickly warped into “humanoid” monstrosities - while the Spectres could be classified as monsters, they were never classified as “humanoids”. These new humanoid monsters are much more powerful than any of the Spectres ever were, as powerful as Japhet himself. If the Guardians draw their power from radiation as well as direct an excess away from their Zones, then the newly contaminated humanoids have that power dispersed amongst their new monstrous forms, accounting for the huge jump in power.

  I mentioned that Dedan, Sugar, and Big Man at the end look like warped humanoids that survived the first fallout. However, Japhet is apparently a bird - like the Judge and his brother, Japhet could be a bird mutated by fallout. Perhaps, like the other Guardians, he’s from the first fallout, accounting for his size and power. Like the phoenix, he’s risen from the ashes, earning him his name as a bird of fire. 

  The Batter is a new factor not intended for the mechanisms of this world at all. He’s completely disrupting things on his holy crusade that seems almost unwarranted. Yes, the Spectres are a nuisance, and yes, the Guardians are corrupted, but even with Valerie’s demise the Queen obviously knows something is going wrong and seems to have things handled. So why is the Batter here, taking everything apart? When returning to the Zones after they turn grey and infested with new, horrible monsters, he never remarks on any of this or asks Zacharie, the Judge, or other recurring characters about what’s going on - so maybe he knew it would happen or maybe he didn’t, and that means he either doesn’t care, or knew it would happen and felt it was right.

  I’d like to briefly address the existence of the citizens - how they’re all identical and all have the same apparently timid demeanour, and the same single-minded attitude about “work”. Some of them comment, either at death after being “purified” or while performing their tasks, that they would rather be in Alma, or that somewhere, things are better, and if they work hard enough they’ll get there. This clearly reflects the current attitude of our modern world, that as long as we work hard, don’t complain, don’t get fired, and just keep doing what we’re told, we’ll make it to the green grass and the nice house and a comfortable retirement.

  Each Zone has a distinctly different appearance, purpose, and Guardian. Yet all the citizens are identical. If we’re going really strictly with nuclear fallout, perhaps these drones are clones of the same individual, all imprinted with the same basic personality to maximize productivity and minimize disruption. The Zones need to function, and the citizens are really more like cogs in a machine than actual people. They can feel fear and their only differences are based on the Zones they’re in and the work they’re supposed to perform. They all wear the same clothes because they’re not complex enough to care about individuality or need it. Maybe they’re even not intelligent enough to notice. There’s no designation between genders, and you never see any children anywhere. All we see are asexual workers in formal clothing going about their tasks with dedicated routine. They never project any concern for family members they may have or each other - they get distressed over their tasks not being finished or being interrupted. No children and no apparent gender would imply this is a race of humanoids that doesn’t reproduce and doesn’t need to - they’re made in a factory, just like the factories they work in. In one Zone, the bodies of those who die there are turned into sugar, but all the other Zones have no such system or mention of disposing of the dead. If you want to be really morbid, perhaps the Zone of liquid meat is the liquified remains of thousands of dead clone citizens, liquidated and refined to feed themselves underground or somewhere else, then pumped through pipes to this zone where the rivers surface, the meat is harvested, and the cycle continues.

  No Zone is self-sufficient. Each Zone contributes to the whole “world” of OFF, building the ground under people’s feet, producing the smoke they breathe, the meat they eat.

  Getting back to the story, I haven’t seen much beyond this, but what’s happened so far convinces me that while things were going wrong, and maybe the world was run in a horrifying way, it’s the barest remains of what used to be, and it appears the Queen is trying to keep the world alive in whatever way possible. The identical citizens are an echo of what the modern world was, but her system is beginning to break down and she sends Valerie to resolve it. Enter the Batter, whose origins are unknown, whose handler is unknown, whose intentions are unknown - but he’s got his own identity and appearance, is larger than the citizens just like the Guardians are, and gradually becomes as powerful as them. It’s possible he is like them - an original human from the first fallout. And because of him the already shaky system is becoming utterly shattered.

  At this point I have two theories of the Batter’s origins - one being that with the presence of ghosts, supernatural elements, and the circle entities that accompany him to assist, possessing no personality or thought of their own, may be symbolic of halos, and from here you can speculate it’s some actual divine intervention come to finally put to rest the world that should have died long ago, or an outside entity who, like the Queen and the Guardians, is a survivor and has encountered her world and found it so despicable, they send the Batter, their own agent, to end it. To “purify” it. The Circles accompanying the Batter are entities sent with him to assist him as his challenges grow. They help him with assassinating the Guardians of the Zones.

  This means that the radiation kept at bay will take over and warp and finally kill the citizens and nuclear fallout will continue on its due course. It kills, but eventually it fades, and if the Guardians of the Zones do manipulate it, perhaps they and the Queen have in fact kept the radiation alive to preserve their system, give them their power, and fuel the unnatural ecosystem they’ve adapted to. Instead of accepting their own deaths and letting the radiation take over until it finally disperses and the world begins to renew itself, they’ve kept it alive and used it. The Batter is sent to purify this world of the poison that creates it while destroying everything else. He switches the world “OFF” to turn off one last nuclear generator that produces radiation and supplies the Zones with their power. This world is finally dead. It “falls into Nothingness”. As Enoch says at his defeat, “without Guardians, this world is doomed to fall into the Nothingness”. Into death, but into a natural death, instead of unnatural life. The natural world is finally allowed to rebuild.

  One other theory I have is that the Batter was once a worker of one of the Zones. He did his job, worked his way up, and once he reached Alma, he discovered the horrifying truth of how this world functions. He was intelligent enough to get promoted through Zones - if such a thing is possible - and his intelligence allows him to comprehend how wrong this world’s system is. Instead of becoming a part of the Queen’s plan and perhaps joining greater ranks, as the Judge and Valerie have, he rebels and goes all the way to Zone 0. He brings with him a relic of the old world, which we see is not outlandish - one of the Zones has plenty of relics, such as rollercoasters in a theme park. It could be the bat is not a simple bat at all, but a weapon designed to combat more powerful forces. If Zacharie, who also has his own appearance and identity, and yet is not an agent of the Queen, possesses an upgraded bat later in the game for purchase, it’s possible he did once work for the Queen and became upset by her system and left her. However, he did not have the motivation to destroy the world, simply exist in it on his own terms. The Judge, who apparently doesn’t even know Valerie is in Japhet’s Zone until he sees him possessed by Japhet, could also be a former agent of the Queen. After Valerie’s death, the Judge is clearly out of his mind, and it’s possible both he and Zacherie are a little bit mad.

  The Batter takes his own name, and like Zacherie and the Judge, is a little bit mad. Mad befriends mad, and the Judge asks the Batter who the person is that’s with him - that being the player. The Batter now possess a split personality after asking for a name, and receiving it. Later on, he asks this part of himself to do things that normally he wouldn’t be able to comprehend, because with realizing how broken his world is, the former citizen can only survive through a controlled madness. And he seeks vengeance, and freedom through mercy killing. He’s literally gone postal, going around smashing up the world with a bat, having confronted how empty his existence is and being confronted with a horrible answer.

  That’s all I have so far, and that’s what personally makes sense to me.

[compartmentalisinghmpf]

TLTL review, now with fewer redundancies, more coherence. 2040 words.

I just finished my second read of this, the first half of what I can only think of as the first book of the Terra Ignota duology/trilogy. (Actually it's going to be a quartet, but these first two volumes constitute one novel, and nobody can tell me otherwise.)

It's a different book on the second read. For one thing, it is infinitely more disturbing. As it's already fairly disturbing on the first read, that increase is quite an achievement...

Too Like the Lightning comes with a front page full of warnings, which somewhat understate things, even, and these are both a clever element of the worldbuilding, and to be taken absolutely seriously if you have any pre-existing issues in the listed areas. If in doubt, contact someone who has read the book and ask for specific, yet minimal spoilers. But, really, only if you think it may be necessary! Take it from someone who usually doesn't mind spoilers: you don't want them, here. Unless you really need them, that is.

I want to stress that the book's increasing creepiness is really just one aspect of the whole, though, although a fascinating one. There's more going on here than that, much more. This book made me think a lot on the first go, and it's made me think a lot on the second, and I'm still not sure I've figured out even ten percent of it, nor whether I agree with very much of what I think it may be saying. I get the distinct impression agreeing isn't the point: thinking is. Rarely have I encountered a book that trusts its readers so completely to make up their own minds. This is a book that wants you to argue with it.

Too Like the Lightning is set in the 25th century – a 25th century in which humankind is still mostly Earthbound, only taking slow steps towards terraforming Mars. Earth, made small by incredibly fast global transit, has seen three hundred years of peace. It is politically unrecognisable, ruled by seven great “Hives“, which people can join or leave voluntarily, independent of geography. The “nuclear family“ of our day no longer exists. Work takes up a very small amount of most people's time.

For reasons that become clearer eventually, our narrator, Mycroft (this is, by future-historical coincidence, a common name in his time; a nice, subtle touch of worldbuilding), chooses an 18th century style for his narrative - complete with constant 4th-wall-breaking of the “gentle reader“ variety. Also, complete with old-fashioned pronouns like “thee“ and “thou“ -- and “he“ and “she“, for which the narrator apologises frequently, because gender, in Mycroft's 25th century, is as taboo as openly practiced religion. The books are in large part about how both of these ideas return to disrupt a world that seems in many ways utopian.

Mycroft, we soon find out, is a convict, and in his world that means, by and large, a slave, albeit a somewhat humanely treated one. Despite or because of this, our narrator is in high demand with the world's mighty and powerful, and thus gets a front-row seat at the beginning disruption – or rather, would get a front-row seat, if he were ever allowed to sit down for more than a minute. He works hard for his pre-packaged sandwich – variously as a spy, as a statistical analyst, as a translator (he speaks seven languages, which is apparently borderline illegal), or even simply serving drinks while the mighty conspire. How he happens to know and matter to all the powerful becomes both more understandable, and much, much more bizarre to contemplate as we find out more about him.

(Beyond a certain point you realise that pretty much every single relationship in these books is deeply strange, and that together they all form a mind-bogglingly complex cat's cradle of dependencies, rivalries, attractions, animosities, alliances.... Yet nobody, but nobody has stranger relationships than Mycroft, who shifts social roles a dozen times a day, or even a dozen times in the same conversation, from slave to trusted specialist/advisor to … things I cannot mention here, because this is a book where surprise really is vital. It is a social rol(l)ercoaster ride, and sort of exhilarating, if you enjoy that kind of thing. (I do. A lot.))

There is another claim on Mycroft's time, however - an even more important one – and this is where things gets strange[r]: Mycroft has, for eight years, been raising a foundling child, in greatest secrecy. This child can bring inanimate objects to life.

And this is – perhaps, probably – not the only divine influence in Mycroft's life.

So, all of a sudden we're contemplating questions that hardly anyone, outside of Gene Wolfe, would think to put into SF.

Rather like Wolfe's Solar Cycle, Terra Ignota feels like a complex clockwork machine made out of interlocking and interacting bits of philosophy and metaphysics – a smidgen heavier on the philosophy, perhaps, and rather a lot more heretical than your average Wolfe. Unlike most philosophy-themed sf, the sources here are 18th century Enlightenment ones, as well as older ones, seen through an imaginary 25th century's view of the 18th century's view of the even more distant past (are you dizzy yet?) And, of course, seen also through the lens of our very particular and unusual narrator's point of view...

Let's focus on that narrator for a moment, even though I can't talk about him here, not properly, not without spoiling things. Mycroft addresses the reader directly, from the very first sentence, and even has recurring arguments with them, explaining why he makes certain narrative or word choices, defending them or, sometimes, caving to his imaginary reader's objections. Almost without noticing, you are pulled into a close embrace by the text, by its narrator. It quickly begins to feel intensely personal. What Palmer is doing here, with our relationship with Mycroft (again, I can't be more specific without serious, serious SPOILERS), must be deliberate and instrumental to the book's/series' workings. (Or rather: it better be...) Two books in, I can see some of the moving parts and how they interconnect, but I'm still not sure what the final shape will be.

This is an unsettling book in many respects. Some things are troublingly absent in it, or present in a troubling way. For instance: the book's world is very Eurocentric, despite perfunctory nods to Asian cultures. Africa – excepting Alexandria and Casablanca – is only present in the form of the rarely mentioned “Great African Reservation”. In context, it is clear that this is not just a nature reserve, but rather a space in which older forms of cultural/political/social/religious organisation are preserved - other reservations mentioned are Tibet, the Vatican, and a Pennsylvania Mennonite one. In 2016, this relegation of Africa to, essentially, the past feels so out of step with current debates that I suspect it must be deliberate, and part of a Point About to Be Made sometime later in the projected series – a comment on our collective blind spots rather than the author's own blind spot in action. (Though, of course, I may be extending too much credit here. Time, and the sequels, will tell.)

Gender is the most obvious thing to be disturbed by here, though, and inevitably the most discussed, because it's constantly front and centre.  Gender, in Mycroft's 25th century, is not a Done Thing anymore – literally. Gender – officially - isn't being performed any longer, or rather: people consciously perform gender-neutrality. The default pronoun is “they”. Our narrator, however – a self-described pervert - insists on gendering (nearly) every character we encounter. Mycroft assigns gender partly due to archetypical ideas of what is “feminine” and “masculine” - roughly: caring/nurturing denotes femininity, physical dominance denotes masculinity. Yet unlike most people would in our day, he applies these simplistic standards across sexes. In addition to this, he also uses gender situationally. For instance: he genders a young, physiologically female character male because they are the apprentice/assistant of a powerful, physiologically male character - but later, when they are interacting with their mother, he genders them female for one paragraph...

What is disturbing about Too Like the Lightning's approach to gender is not so much what Mycroft does with it, though – that is mostly destabilising in a productive way. And Mycroft's opinions on many things, as he himself admits, are easy to discount; he is, as he says, “easy to call mad”. The book as a whole – the larger structure of meaning being built here - seems to imply some uncomfortable things about gender, too, however, which aren't quite so easily ascribed to a somewhat deranged point of view. I say “seems”, because at this point I'm really not sure what the final tally on any of the themes introduced here will be. It is entirely possible that the first two volumes of the series take such great care to set up elaborate ideological structures so they can then proceed to knock them down, further down the road.

Another area in which I suspect I may be disagreeing with what the book(s) is/are saying so far is ideas of violence and war, and their role in human nature and human history, but that is not something I can touch on very much without spoiling things in a serious way. I suspect that here as in other areas Palmer doesn't so much want to convince us of a particular proposition but rather give us a fully realised image of a particular worldview, not to endorse nor to denounce it, but rather to demonstrate the sheer alienness of another historical period. The future is every bit as strange a country as the past.

Ada Palmer does not grant us the relief of even a single character we can fully understand, whose opinions we can comfortably agree with, to contrast with her 25th century's mores and ideas, and to guide our sympathies and opinions in reacting to the book's world. Instead, she fully immerses us in the worldview of another culture, and it is very easy to (mis)read that as the book endorsing that worldview. This makes for uncomfortable, but also, I think, mentally stimulating reading. We are expected to read critically, to always be aware of the distortions of perspective; we are supposed to read like historians.

I'm actually not sure these books are entirely successful in every aspect of what they attempt – though it's always hard to judge an unfinished work. There are some pacing issues, and large (really: LARGE) parts of the plot are either nearly impenetrable on the first read (and still pretty obscure on the second), and/or feel kind of implausible. For that matter, a fair bit of the worldbuilding is... implausible is too strong a word. It feels convincing while you're in the story (or rather, the lacunae feel like the sort you inevitably experience when you get to see a world through the filter of just one particular point of view), but when you stop to think about it for too long, some of the holes feel very hard to fill.

And then there's the miracles... Those require a different kind of suspension of disbelief, which, I think, not every reader of SF will be willing to extend the book.

There is also a sense of the books' world being built entirely to accommodate a number of interlocking philosophical thought experiments. In a recent post, Ada Palmer herself described Too Like the Lightning as setting up a Rube Goldberg machine. This gives the whole proceedings an overarching feel of artificiality, which is only increased by the fact that these thought experiments are mostly based in 18th century thought, and feel somewhat removed from many present-day concerns, if not always in subject then at least in their approach.

Despite all quibbles and reservations, however, this is not just an impressive debut but one of the best – one of the most alien, one of the most thought-provoking – science fiction novels I have read. It's also, despite all the philosophy, the theology, despite the artificiality, and despite the fact that large parts of the plot consist of people having long, involved conversations about the theft of, essentially, some notes for an unpublished newspaper article, an unexpectedly gripping one.

Read this book. Then argue with it.