#this post brought to you by me who always plugged my nose and picked the biggest spoon possible

[lizord-lord]

donnie is an extremely picky eater. leo is a somewhat picky eater. despite this, leo still has it worse, because whenever donnie encounters food he has to eat but doesn’t like he just shovels the entire contents of the plate into his gullet and swallows it in one bite and then watches smugly as leo has to sit there and suffer through the torture of chewing his food

leo: this tastes awful

donnie: unfortunate. *upturns plate into his mouth* have you considered getting good?

[jaskierswolf]

Hey babe <3 Here's a soulmate concept for you: soulmates share a braincell and all of the same kinks. (It's us. This is a callout post for us)

Soooo this is going undercut from the get go... I wasn’t sure how I was going to write this but once I started I kinda fell in love with it. It’s also late so I’m not sure how effective proof reading was....

Geraskier modern AU - Soulmates but kinky? 1.4k.

Warning: 18+, no actual sex but this is very horny...., mentions of sex toys, masturbation, handcuffs... and more? Seriously... 18+ Only.

Now with a sequel by @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde

Part Three now up

Also on AO3

Geralt was having a shit day, shit week really. Ciri had been sent home from school the day before for fighting with one her classmates, despite the fact that she had been defending herself from a bully. Work at the fire station had been especially draining too, non-stop calls all week. He was irrationally angry at the world, not helped by the burning itch under his skin. He’d been unbelievably frustrated all week and no matter how much he jerked off in the shower, he just couldn’t get rid of that ache at his core. His dreams this week had been pure filth, dreams of bursting through a window into a burning building to rescue the most beautiful man he’d ever seen, gorgeous cornflower blue eyes that haunted him even during his waking hours.

Dandelion’s eyes.

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. His infatuation with the OnlyFans star was getting out of hand. He’d discovered Dandelion just over a year ago, his dating life was non-existent and he had been getting unbearably horny. He’d stumbled upon Dandelion on a desperate bid to sate his growing urges. It had worked for a few months, but lately it had only been getting worse again. Every Monday evening he’d spend in frustrated torment, dreaming of Dandelion in lingerie, or watching him as he brought himself to the edge of an orgasm before letting out a pitiful whine as he gripped the base of his cock before he could come. This week he’d been plagued with the thought of Dandelion going about his day with a plug up his arse so that, by the time he was ready to record his video, he could get straight to fucking himself on his favourite bright pink vibrator.

The thought of the lube sliding down Dandelion’s thick thighs as he pulled out the plug had been enough to send Geralt over the edge as he bit down on his hand, come painting the bathroom tiles white before being washed away.

The weirdest part about Geralt’s fantasies was that no matter what he thought, or dreamt during the week, Dandelion’s videos would match when they were released on Wednesday. So Geralt was taking bets on either a role-play where Dandelion needed rescuing or the butt plug, he was secretly hoping butt plug, the fireman rescue scenario would be too close to home. He was already struggling to put distance between his life and Dandelion’s online one. He sighed and pulled out his phone to check the time. The video wouldn’t be released for another couple of hours at least, which was fine. He wouldn’t be able to watch it until Ciri was safely tucked up in bed, the unenviable life of a single parent. First he needed to finish the grocery shopping, pick up Ciri from school, cook dinner, help Ciri with her homework and then maybe watch some TV with her before he could bundle her upstairs to bed. It felt like an awful lot of work for his day off.

He groaned again, thinking about Dandelion in public had been a mistake, and one he’d made countless times before. If he were the superstitious type, he might have said that Dandelion was his soulmate. There were all sorts of papers and articles that suggested that soulmates existed, that your soulmate was one that understood you on a level that no one else did, that you in some way were telepathically linked. On one hand it would explain how a random OnlyFans porn star knew exactly what Geralt had been dreaming of all week despite the fact he never mentioned it in his comments, on the other hand it was bullshit.

Utter bullshit.

He grumbled under his breath and went in search of the snack aisle. He’d been craving white chocolate covered pretzels all day and Ciri had finished his supply off without telling him. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice the other man standing by his favourite snacks until it was too late. He crashed into him, putting his arms around the other man to stop him from falling.

And suddenly bright cornflower blue eyes were staring up at him.

“Fuck!”

Geralt stared back into the eyes of Dandelion… the man he’d been infatuated with for months.

“Umm… hi?” Dandelion gave a little wave, biting his lip and running his hand through his soft brunet hair. Geralt swallowed as Dandelion released his lip, a move he’d done thousands of times in his videos.

“Sorry,” Geralt grumbled. “Wasn’t thinking straight.”

Dandelion laughed, a beautiful musical laugh that was even more captivating in person. “Oh darling, I never think straight. I’m Jaskier, by the way.”

Dandelion, no Jaskier, extended his hand and Geralt took it, surprised by his firm grip.

“Geralt.”

“White chocolate covered pretzel?” Jaskier asked, tilting his head and passing Geralt a box.

Geralt blinked and took the box without thinking. “Thanks.”

Geralt’s thoughts were going a hundred miles an hour and yet he could only manage single syllable words whilst Jaskier smiled at him, brighter than the fucking sun. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was so smitten.

Shit.

Jaskier just laughed again, his hand gripping Geralt’s arm. “Forgive me for being bold, but you sir, are fucking gorgeous.”

Geralt licked his lips, barely resisting the urge to push the brunet up against the shelves and kiss him senseless, but he knew he needed to tell Jaskier the truth before anything else was said. “You’re Dandelion.”

Jaskier blushed very prettily and scratched the back of his neck. “Ah. Yes. Hello.”

“Sorry, I thought you should know,” Geralt frowned, he hadn’t meant to make Jaskier uncomfortable. “I umm… I like your videos.”

Fuck, why had he said that?

Jaskier laughed, the sounding easing the tension in Geralt’s shoulders, and winked. “Oh so do I, they’re a pleasure to make.”

Geralt smiled at the joke. “What’s the video this week?”

“That would be telling. What would you like it to be, Geralt?” Geralt name fell from his lips like fucking prayer.

Geralt’s mouth went dry as he thought about his fantasies from Monday night, and the dreams of rescuing Dandelion that had he rutting against his bedsheets in his sleep. “Had a couple of ideas.”

Jaskier raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh really?”

“Yeah.”

“Well how about you give me your number, and we can discuss this somewhere more… private?”

Geralt nodded and they exchanged numbers. Geralt felt like he’d stepped into a fever dream, why Jaskier hadn’t been put off when he’d admitted he was a fan, he had no idea, but he wasn’t complaining. They’d only just met but Geralt couldn’t shake the feeling that Jaskier was going to change his life. He felt lighter already, the day seemed brighter. He was just saying goodbye to Jaskier when the man shuffled awkwardly, letting out a soft moan, his face flushing deep crimson.

“Jaskier?”

“Fuck, sorry. I umm, I’m filming a bonus video later tonight. Once I’ve posted Monday’s. It needed a little prep work,” Jaskier admitted with a sheepish smile. “If you catch my drift.”

Geralt blinked at Jaskier. “The fuck?” He muttered mostly to himself. “You didn’t happen to record a role-play on Monday did you?”

Jaskier’s eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. “How did you know?”

“It’s gonna sound stupid.”

“Tell me.”

Geralt took a deep breath and then closed his eyes, not wanting to see Jaskier’s face when he admitted it. “Been dreaming about it. Your videos always seem to align with my dreams, or umm… thoughts when I’m alone.”

“Like… soulmates?” Jaskier’s hand was on his cheek, the contact burning his skin and he felt a swell of arousal, heat prickling his skin.

“Never believed in that,” Geralt admitted, opening his eyes to find Jaskier gazing back at him with wide hopeful eyes that made Geralt feel strangely warm inside. “Starting to wonder though.”

Jaskier leaned in, brushing his lips against Geralt’s cheek. “Call me, Geralt, who knows maybe I’ll even make a video specially for you? Or…” Jaskier smirked, winking in a way that should have been illegal “you could always join me. There’s some things I’ve been dying to film that simply require a partner.”

“I’ll bring the handcuffs,” Geralt murmured so that only Jaskier could hear.

Jaskier laughed. “Oh we are going to get along splendidly, Geralt.”

Geralt chuckled as Jaskier sauntered away down the aisle, filling his basket with Geralt’s favourite foods. “Soulmates,” he scoffed.

Maybe it wasn’t bullshit after all.

[secret-rendezvous1d]

YESS!! OMG!! your recent post ... a prompt where he gets out and he’s just trying to get used to the normal life again and one day he has like a break down at their apartment and when yn comes back from work her heart just breaks :( she comforts him and tells him how much she loves, cares, and missed him and he just feels so loved after being in prison for a long time and not really loving who he is in there

Oh, god. Sweet baby-

Mess.

When she stepped foot through the front door, she tripped over an overturned book that had somehow ended up in the entryway of their apartment. Her brow furrowing in confusion because it was a rather inconspicuous place to leave an open book... but, as she looked in a little further into their home, her eyes were met with an empty bookcase and a floor full of books that were open and face-down and seemingly thrown haphazardly. 

It was a mess.

When she closed the door and picked up the books in her path, rounding the corner into their living room, she was greeted with smashed glass and a broken lamp that laid shattered upon the linoleum wood of their floor-plan. A lightbulb crunching under her footsteps, ceramic turning to dust beneath her shoes and she caught the toe of her trainer against the covered wire that had been torn free from the plug still in the wall socket. 

It was a mess.

Her first thought was that they’d been robbed, as anyone would think if they saw what YN had seen upon her arrival home. That someone had broken into their home and taken some of their most valuable possessions and smashed up their belongings because destruction was all these criminals lived for to show a dominance they only dreamed of having. Expecting her jewellery to have gone missing, her second set of credentials, her photos overturned and her drawers completely ransacked.

But a tiny sniffle and a wet cough muffled behind the bedroom door brought her back to reality and she wanted to laugh at herself - Spencer had been at home all day so how the heck would a robber even make it through the door and be as silent in this amount of ruckus? 

“Spencer?”

She taps her knuckles against the wood of the bedroom door and wrapped her hand around the knob, twisting it and slowly pushing it open, a creak filling the silence of the house. Not really sure of what she was expecting, hoping for the best and expecting the worst so she was prepared on both ends.

But the bedroom was empty and there was a huge contrast to the living room; the bed was still neatly made and the bedside lamps were still intact and their clothes weren’t thrown on the floor from the open doors of the wardrobe. One of her sweaters was missing, she could see from the empty hanger that was swinging on the rail, and she could feel a pit in her stomach beginning to form. But she felt a wash of relief over her because it was far from a break-in and her mind felt a little more at ease given that she wasn’t a victim in her own home.

There was still a sense of unease though... over her loving boyfriend.

“Spencer?”

“YN?”

Her name comes out in a whimper, almost surprised at the sudden presence of his girlfriend, spoken in question. A soft, wet and shaky whimper that he most definitely would have considered pathetic if he heard himself speak with a tone. The bathroom door was open, with just a slither at the frame, and the light was switched on and she didn’t understand how she’d missed it when she entered the bedroom - she wasn’t really looking there yet so she blamed the ignorance on the matter. 

When she opened the door, he was in the bathtub. His long legs bent up to his chest, arms holding them to his body with his socked feet pushing against the side of the tub, her sweater draped over his legs and clutched in a tight fist like it would disappear if it touched the floor after he dropped it. His cheeks were red, his eyes were bloodshot and his lips were bitten raw and his hair looked messy and like it had been pulled over time. 

“Spencer-”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. And it’s broken. He looks broken. His eyes innocent and lost and she hated seeing him like that; this wasn’t the Spencer she knew and it most definitely wasn’t the same Spencer she had picked up from prison after he was freed. This was the shell of a man she once knew, someone she longed to have back, someone she loved with all her heart and felt heartbroken by the changes he was forced to make to survive. “I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head and swallows back a lump in her throat, climbing into the tub beside him and laying an arm over his shoulders, pulling him into her side.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Spence.”

“I trashed our house,” he scoffs heavily and it’s filled with tears, “I-”

“That doesn’t matter, baby. We can buy new lamps and we can buy new bulbs and some new books, Spence. That’s all material stuff that we can replace. But, we can’t buy a new you,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and inhaling the sweet scent of her own shampoo that clung to the curled strands of his hair, “I don’t want to replace you.”

There’s a sob that breaks free from his chest. A loud, guttural sob that shook his body to the core and she swore it brought tears to her eyes. It wasn’t the upset he was feeling, it wasn’t the stress he was going through and it wasn’t because of the changes he needed to get used to... it was the sob that tore her to bits. A dribble of tears leaking down her cheeks.

“You won’t have to.”

“Good,” she smiles wetly and he looks up at her, “I missed you. I missed you all the time and-”

“I missed you, too.”

His forehead bumps against hers and his eyes shut in contentment, his warm breathing flushing over her face, her hands coming up to cup his cheeks with both palms, thumbs brushing over his wet cheeks to wipe away the falling tears and the moisture that was left behind in their tracks.

“Whoever you were in there, whatever you did, it’s over. You never have to go to that place again, you never have to think about it again, you never have to think about leaving me or our home or the team again,” she presses a kiss to one of his wet cheeks and then presses another kiss to his other cheek, “you’re back here, you’re safe, you’re not on your own anymore. I’m right here. I hated seeing you in there, I hated thinking about you in there and I could see how you hated being stuck in there as an innocent man.”

An eye peeks open and looks at her.

“We knew you were innocent. I knew you were. I’m never leaving you, okay? I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to go somewhere,” she nuzzles her nose to his as he grins, his eyes crinkling at the corners and squinting up and it’s the first proper smile she’s seen from him in a long, long time. “I love you, Spencer Reid. And I’ll love you, always.” 

“Thank you for trusting me, for believing me, for staying here and standing by my side.”

His lips look inviting to her and all she’s wanted to do, from the moment he came home, was kiss him for every second they missed together and she takes that opportunity without letting another minute go missing and cups his face in her palms. Tasting the salt from his tears and feeling the moisture from his tears on her own lips, hard and deep and one that had pent up emotions behind it. A kiss he had longed to have, one that he wouldn’t take advantage of, a fear in his chest because he didn’t want one kiss to be their last. 

“I really do love you, YN.” xx

[tanyawritesstories]

Friendly Competition | Boost x Reader

This is a fic I wrote a long time ago and I'm only now posting. I haven't written in months and I'm honestly thinking about quitting but regardless, here you go I hope you like it.

Word count: 4.2k

Warnings: NSFW, smut, vibrators, butt plugs, general mischief, anal exploration (the good kind), fluff, Sinker is nosey

•••

It wasn't often that you visited these kinds of stores. You usually just ordered the products from the holonet and waited for them to be delivered, but you were out and about with your boyfriend and it was his last day on leave. You both had been walking through the mid levels of Coruscant and seen the store. You decided it would be worth it to try and find something fun to spice things up while you were away.

You and Boost had both kept your jacket hoods up as you entered. Boost looked around curiously while you kept your head tilted down just enough to hide the permanent blush staining your cheeks. Sure, you'd been in sex toy stores before, but that time was with a group of friends where the attention wasn't on you and you could easily blend into the group and not be noticed.

Boost took your hand in his, interlacing your fingers together as you roamed the store, browsing. "You're not usually the shy one," he whispered. You looked up at him, finding a teasing smirk on his handsome face. Your face turned even more red and you buried your head in his chest, causing him to laugh. He put his arms around you and held you to him, loving how much bigger he was than you. You closed your eyes and nuzzled into him, resting the side of your head against his warm body. You listened to his heartbeat, it was one of the things that comforted you the most.

You opened your eyes after a moment and spotted an interesting object across the room. You broke away from Boost and made your way to it. Plucking the box off the shelf you glanced over it, a number of wicked ideas popping into your brain.

"Baby," you called sweetly, "come here please." You turned around and hid the box behind your back, watching as Boost walked closer with a suspicious look on his face. "Oh no," he said, "what've you found?" You smiled. "If I ask nicely will you wear this?" You brought the box out from behind your back. Boost's eyebrows shot up on his face as he looked at the image on the box.

"A vibrating buttplug?" He questioned. "Are you serious?" You giggled, "c'mon babe, it'll be fun." Boost crossed his arms over his chest and sighed.

It was a recent discovery that Boost liked anal. You had been in the middle of giving him a mind shaking blowjob when you decided to be bold. Your fingers were slicked up with spit and precum so you had slowly pushed one fingertip inside him. He came instantly, letting out the most heavenly noises you'd ever heard him make. You both had discussed it afterwards and Boost had shown interest in exploring the realm further. You figured this was a good next step, you also loved to be a tease.

"Please Boostie, baby. Please! It'll be fun, I promise," you pleaded. "Look at you, begging in public," he teased. Your blush deepened and you glared at him through your eyelashes. "Please," you whispered. Boost sighed and stared at the ceiling, thinking. A sly smirk formed on his face, making you uneasy.

"I will wear that if.." he took a few steps back and picked something off another shelf, "..you wear these."

You looked at him in disbelief. "Vibrating panties? That's where you're taking this?"

"It's only fair," he said. "You wear these one day and I'll wear that the next." You thought about it, another fantastic idea coming to mind.

"Alright, you wear this one day on campaign and I have the controller. Then I'll wear those another day and give you the controller. When we get back and go to 79s like we always do, we'll both wear them."

Boost nodded. "The goal is you can't draw any suspicion, try to be as quiet and collected as possible while the other one of us teases the other with the controller. Whoever breaks first loses."

You nodded and walked to stand next to him. "No touching allowed, only tease with the vibrator. If anyone manages to guess exactly what we're both doing, which I doubt, then we both lose." Boost smiled, "Deal."

~~~~

Luckily, this campaign would be a short one, only a week long supply mission. You snuck your toy contraband into the cruiser with no trouble, hiding both small boxes amongst your clothes.

You were a strategist, normally coming up with battle plans. General Plo Koon had put you in charge of this mission, hoping to give you more assignments in the future that didn't just include destroying things.

The General was currently attending business at the Jedi temple, leaving you and Commander Wolffe in charge of the entire operation. You could tell Wolffe wasn't a fan of it, but he would do his job without complaint.

After the first couple days of traveling, the cruiser had arrived above the planet. The first day of delivering supplies to the surface was also the first competition day.

Boost had made sure that the vibrator was working and in its proper place when you got ready this morning. He had watched you the entire time you got ready, twirling the small controller in his hand giddily.

“You had better be nice,” you warned lightly. “Oh I won’t,” Boost laughed. He had a sexy but dangerous look in his eyes which was turning you on already. Not a good start.

The boring tasks of the day went by without any issue, until it was time for the briefing. You knew your boyfriend was bound to pull something here, but you didn’t know exactly what.

It’s ok, just act normal.

That was easier said than done.

The second you entered the room all eyes were on you, patiently awaiting the plan of action. You smiled at everyone and was making your way to the front of the room when you felt the vibrator start up. You let out a squeak and your knees buckled, you grabbed onto the table nearby for support. You laughed nervously and stood up straight, determined to win and keep a straight face.

“Alright everyone, classic supply mission nothing you all haven’t done before,” you started. Boost was sneaky, manipulating the controller without anyone knowing, spiking the intensity up and down quickly. The tiny jolts and deep breaths you were taking were causing a few of the men to give you weird looks as you talked.

“..and of course the remainder of the week will be spent making sure that the civilians have everything they neeeeed!” Your voice rose to a squeal at the end as you felt the vibrations increase significantly. You clenched your thighs together and your breathing picked up.

“Are you alright, sir?” You heard one of them ask. You looked up, eyes scanning the room, a few of the men looked concerned and others looked confused. You glanced over a Boost for a brief second to find him with a shit eating grin on his face, half hidden by his hand. The vibrations felt good, you just didn’t want it to feel good right now. The toy was positioned just over your clit, delivering pleasurable tingling that flowed through your body.

“Y/N.”

You stood up straight at the voice of Commander Wolffe, who was standing on the other side of the room. “Are you ok to continue, or are you not capable?” He questioned with an annoyed tone. You took a deep breath and steeled yourself. “I’m alright, Commander,” you said. The rest of the briefing went by without too much of a hitch, Boost was still being a little shit but you were determined not to let him win.

The entire day was filled with frustration. Boost wouldn’t let up, bringing you to the precipice of orgasming in front of a few civilians you were talking to, you wanted to slap him for that one. Every time he turned the vibrations high your knees would bend and you’d let out either a yelp or a moan that you tried to cover up. It got to the point where one of the medics pulled you aside and asked if there was something seriously wrong. You were able to convince him that you were fine and just tired. You walked triumphantly back to your tent as the day ended. You had won this round.

~~~~

You woke Boost up by laying on top of him and nuzzling your nose into his neck. He groaned, reluctantly opening his eyes to find you already looking at him. A few days on the planet had passed and it was now Boost’s turn to compete. “What time is it?” He grumbled. “Oh six hundred,” you answered, getting off of him and kneeling on his sleeping mat. “What do we have to do today?” Boost rubbed his eyes. “Same thing we did yesterday only in a different part of the city,” you responded. Boost looked up at you and you smiled deviously. “Guess what you have to wear today,” you said. You reached into your pocket and pulled out the silicone plug. “Did you seriously wake me up this early just to put a buttplug in me?” He asked with almost disbelief in his voice.

You giggled. “Maaayybeee. Everybody else is going to wake up soon so I suggest we get a move on.” Boost groaned again and rolled onto his stomach, putting his hips up in the air. You removed his blanket and rubbed his back to calm him down, he turned his head so he could see what you were doing. You had to admit, your boyfriend looked incredibly hot in this position: head down, ass up. It was causing your own arousal to spike; who knew, maybe if he liked this he’d let you peg him sometime down the road.

“It’s not gonna hurt, is it?” He asked. You smiled warmly at him as your hands wandered lower, rubbing gently over his bum. “No, it shouldn’t, sweetie. We got the smallest one they had, it’s not much bigger than my fingers,” you told him. “If you don’t want to, we don’t have to, Boost.” He took a deep, calming breath, “No, I want to do it.” You smiled and kissed his cheek, “I will have to get you ready first, ok? I’m just going to use my fingers to stretch you out a little so you can take the toy, ok?” Boost nodded and verbally agreed.

You fished the small bottle of lube out of your pocket and slid his blacks and briefs down to his thighs. “You have a very cute butt, baby,” you commented, causing Boost to laugh. You touched your fingers to the crease where his ass and thigh met, slowly running your fingers up to their destination. Boost sucked in a breath as your fingers danced over his hole and his muscles tensed up. “You have to relax, baby,” you cooed, “otherwise it might hurt. Do you want me to touch your cock too? Might help you relax.” Boost shook his head and balanced his upper half on his elbows. “No, we agreed to no touching, just do what you have to do to get it in,” he urged.

You complied and reminded him to relax. You squirted some lube onto your index finger and some onto his hole, spreading it around. “I’m going to put my finger in now, ok?” Boost nodded and took a deep breath, exhaling when you told him to. On his exhale his muscles loosened and you slowly pushed your finger in just past the first knuckle. You could hear him bite back a moan and his breathing started picking up a little bit. You waited until he got used to it before beginning to thrust your finger in and out, pushing it a little bit deeper every time.

“How is it?” You asked. He let out a shaky breath. “Just get the plug in, I won’t last long if you keep doing that,” he breathed. You smiled, it was a good feeling knowing that you could get your boyfriend to the brink of bliss with just a finger in his ass. You carefully added a second finger, repeating the same slow motions and techniques to gently stretch him out. When you thought he was ready, you lubed up the toy and removed your fingers, enjoying the whining sound he made when he was empty.

You rested the toy against his ass and slowly pushed it in. Boost bit his lip to hold back the indecent noises threatening to spill out. "Just a little further," you encouraged. You used your other hand to trace his V lines and divert his attention to get him to relax. He shuddered and you noticed the erection that was being held down with the front of his briefs. One last small push on your part and the plug came to a rest inside him.

Boost let out a breath and you chuckled. "There's a good boy. How's it feel?" You questioned. He shifted his hips and wiggled around, trying to get used to the feeling. "It's a bit….odd," he said. You pulled his blacks and briefs back up and spanked him. "Stand up, it'll feel different," you urged, standing up yourself. He stood up with a sigh and a weird look in his face. "I think I'll get used to it," he said. "Let's start the day."

~~~~

This was fun, you were having a great time messing with your boyfriend. It had only been little things so far on the low to medium settings of the vibrator. You had teased just enough to make him squirm a bit. Once you did it while he was moving a box of supplies and he dropped the box, which nearly landed on his foot. You hadn't used the higher settings yet, you were saving those to make a big scene that you hoped would break Boost and give you the win.

That time came when the work for the day was done. Boost, Sinker, Comet and several other troopers were sitting around a table playing an intense game of Sabacc. You were sitting at a nearby table going over the plans for tomorrow and making sure everything would be taken care of by the time the battalion had to leave the planet. From your spot you had a clear view of Boost and could hear everything being said at their table. Time to start your game.

You turned the vibrator on and upped it a couple notches. You heard Boost suck in a breath and saw him tense up, but he steadied himself and continued. You let it go for a little while before cranking it a bit higher. He took a deep breath and glanced up at you, but you had your head back in the plans already. You waited a couple more minutes until Boost was once again concentrated on his game.

You kept your eyes on Boost as you cranked the vibrator up all the way. He instantly dropped his cards with a shout and clamped his hands on his knees. He was biting down hard on his bottom lip and his knuckles were turning white from his tight grip on his legs. You heard his brothers asking if he was alright and Boost tried to explain it away as a leg cramp, which wasn’t convincing at all. Boost took a few deep breaths, calming himself down and picking his cards back up. He wiggled a bit and leaned forwards in his seat so there was less pressure on the plug as opposed to sitting directly on it. After a few seconds their game continued as normal, you tried again a few times after that but got only small reactions from him. Boost looked over at you and winked, knowing he had won his round as well. You held back the urge to bonk him on the head, it would all come down to the final round in a few days.

~~~~

The supply mission had been a success, the citizens of the planet were grateful for the aid and they were well on their way to the complete restoration of their cities when the 104th had left. Now, back on Coruscant, Boost and yourself were just arriving at 79s where several more of his brothers waited. You were both wearing your toys tonight as part of the game that had been discussed. This was the final round, whoever broke, if anyone could, would be the loser. Neither of you had talked about a prize or reward for the winner, both too caught up in the idea of a fun and arousing game.

Boost and you entered the club and found his brothers waving you over to the table they had occupied already. You greeted them with smiles and went to sit down. The moment your butt hit the seat, Boost cranked the vibrations up high and you yelped, trying to stand back up and striking your knee hard on the underside of the table. Wildfire asked if you were ok and you assured him that you were before sliding uncomfortably into the booth to make room for Boost to sit next to you.

Warthog brought several drinks back to the table from the bar and you all chatted, laughed, and drank carelessly, enjoying the free time spent together. Boost was halfway through taking a sip of his beer when you turned his vibrator on, causing him to spit some of it back into his glass on reflex. He began coughing to try and cover up the moan he nearly let slip, all while you tried to hold back giggles and whimpers of your own.

A few minutes later, Boost put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his side. It was nothing out of the usual for his brothers to see, but under the table he used his leg to nudge yours apart allowing your vibrator to land directly on your clit. You bit your lip and leaned your head into his chest, hoping none of them saw the blissed out look on your face. You turned Boost’s vibrator up a bit but he didn’t react, he’d gotten used to it and it was pissing you off. You were determined not to let him win.

When he least expected it, you carefully reached your hand over, under the cover of the table, and cupped his slowly growing length. You felt him buck into your hand and you made a point to be discreet, carrying on with conversation so no one suspected anything. You started rubbing Boost through his pants at which point he lowered his mouth to your ear. “You’re cheating,” he growled. You smiled and laughed, pretending he whispered a joke into your ear. “Yeah, well so are you,” you whispered back. You tried tugging your spread leg out from where he had it trapped under his own, but it was no use, Boost was strong. He glared at you and you glared right back for a few seconds until you both went back to acting normal, but Boost had an idea.

The next round of drinks came and the boys were starting to get more buzzed. You had your drink set on the table in front of you, you were about to reach for it when Boost reached across you in a hurry and knocked the glass of beer over. You gasped as the liquid spilled all down the front of you, you immediately knew he had done it on purpose, there was no way he didn’t. The rest of the boys asked if you were alright and you told them that there was no harm done.

“You want help cleaning that up, babe?” Boost asked, a suggestive look in his eyes. “Yes, that would be very helpful,” you replied. Boost told the boys that you would both be back soon before leading you back to the one-room refresher at the back of the club. As soon as the door was closed and locked, Boost was pushing you up against the wall, his lips colliding heatedly with yours. You made out, wrapping a leg around his hips to bring him closer and you could feel his hardened length against your thigh.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to restrain myself from pouncing on you while this thing was in my ass?” He asked, his breathing shallow. “I swear I’ve never been more turned on in my life.” You smirked and brought your leg down. “I think we can make an arrangement,” you purred. You hooked your fingers on your panties and dragged them down your legs while Boost bunched your skirt up around your waist. “Fuck, you’re glistening,” he observed. Boost kicked your legs apart and slowly ran a finger up and down your slit, collecting your juices. You whimpered, his actions sending pleasure radiating through your body.

You quickly worked on unzipping his pants and shoving them down to his knees, watching his long cock spring free of its restraints. You whimpered at the sight and Boost felt your hole flutter as he pushed two fingers inside you. “Fuck the rules, I’m going to take you hard and fast against this wall, that ok?” Boost asked breathlessly. “Don’t make me wait,” you replied with a devious smile. You smashed your lips into his and Boost lined himself up before slamming inside you in one powerful thrust.

You screamed as your back arched from the feeling, your noises drowned out by the loud music. Boost’s cock always filled you so nicely and you felt him twitch inside you. “Holy fuck, this feels good, shiiiit,” Boost moaned loudly. You then remembered while you had taken off your vibrating panties, Boost still had his vibrator nestled snugly inside his asshole. He started to fuck you at a fast pace making noises you’d never heard your boyfriend make before, moaning and whimpering so loud you were glad for the blaring music outside. You wrapped your legs around his hips and your arms around his neck, meeting his thrusts and kissing his neck.

“Fuck, Boost, please harder,” you begged. Boost held you against him, absolutely destroying your pussy with the speed of his thrusts, the pleasure blaring through your body. “Babe, turn it up,” he grunted, “turn it up all the way and play with your clit, I’m close.” You fished the controller for his vibrator out of its hiding spot in your bra and turned it on max. You dropped the controller on the floor and used that hand to massage hard circles on your clit bringing you as close to release as your boyfriend.

Boost was overwhelmed with pleasure, his body felt like it was on fire. The plug in his ass was vibrating away, the feeling of being stuffed in his ass and strangled by your walls at the same time was mind blowing and Boost felt his release coming on fast. “I want you to cum before I do, baby,” he moaned, “aahhh, c’mon sugar, play with that clit.” His words in his voice only brought you closer, you could feel his cock twitching within you and with a few more strokes over your clit, you were cumming. White hot, liquid pleasure surged through you and your walls clamped tight around Boost’s cock. He thrusted a few more times and then stilled, his balls tightening as he shot his load deep inside you.

He reached behind him and pulled the plug out, letting it fall to the floor. He held you tight to him as your breathing settled down and you both came down from your highs. You both laughed and picked up your mess, washing off the vibrators and deciding not to wear them for the rest of the night. You both got dressed and tried your best to look like you hadn’t just fucked in the refresher of a club. You shared a sweet kiss before heading back out to the table.

Sinker was the only one still sitting at the table, the others had either gone to dance or get another drink. You sat down across from Sinker and Boost pulled you into his side. “So did you guys finally get those things out of your asses?” Sinker asked out of nowhere. You looked confused. “What things?” Sinker motioned vaguely to his lower body. “Those vibrators I assume you guys were wearing,” he answered like it was the most normal thing ever. “How did you know?” Boost asked, stunned that his brother had managed to figure it out. Sinker sat back in his seat, looking proud of himself. “I’m just that good,” he said. You and Boost shot him a guilty glare and he sighed. “I saw the packages in the trash,” he admitted.

You rolled your eyes and Boost laughed. “We tried so hard to be sneaky and we didn’t think to hide the packaging,” your boyfriend mused. “I guess this means we both lose,” you pointed out. Boost nodded in agreement and planted a kiss to the top of your head.

You’ll think of something better next time.

[thatesqcrush]

The Nanny, Part 3.

Bryan Kneef x Reader. Follow-up to part two. You can read part one here. Warnings: NSFW - smut, spanking, oral, squirting, daddy kink, p in v sex, masturbation (m & f), language. Also CW: physical violence (smack across the face). WC: 6.5K

S/O: @beccabarba for beta'ing not 1 but 2 versions of this story and for words of encouragement/support.

If you had a nickel for the amount of times you and Bryan each said “this can’t happen again”, you wouldn’t even need to be a nanny anymore. Once again, you found yourself tangled in Bryan’s sheets in post-coital bliss.

You were laying on your side, with your head propped on your hand. “That’s one hell of a way to wake up.” You murmured, to which Bryan let out a low chuckle.

“You’re welcome.”

You rolled your eyes. “Sometimes I swear that ego of yours is bigger than that cock of yours.”

“You fucking love it.” Bryan replied as he covered his body with yours and rolled, so he was on top of you. He used his knee to part your legs, not that they needed much from his part to open wide.

Your eyes searched his green eyes, which were sparkling. You wrapped a hand around his sweat slicked neck, and pulled him down for a kiss. The kiss started softly, but quickly ramped up in intensity. A low rumble emanated from his chest as he started rocking his hips into yours. You felt his cock, beginning to harden once more and your arousal shot through you like lightening.

Bryan’s lips found purchase on your neck and you let out a gasp as he sucked a mark into your skin, leaving a bruise. You let out a throaty moan as he followed with his teeth grazing the bruised skin before soothing the spot with his warm, wet tongue.

Your nipples were rock solid, despite his warm body on top of you. You elongated your neck to give him further access to your neck when your eyes caught the time on his clock.

“Shit I should go, the kids will be up soon for school!”

Bryan pressed a kiss on your lips before giving your ass a sharp smack. “Okay.”

You swung off Bryan and grabbed your clothes that were crumpled in the corner of the room. You playfully tossed your ruined panties to Bryan before you slipped on your sleep shorts and t-shirt. “I can’t find my panties.” You stated out loud, really to yourself more than to Bryan.

Bryan let out a low whistle and when you turned to him, you saw he had them hanging off the tip of his index finger. You smirked and you walked over to him. You reached to grab them and he pulled them back, balling them up in his fist.

“Fine, keep them. May they bring you fond memories.” You poked his chest with your finger. “Since this is the last time.”

Bryan’s gaze changed and his eyes hardened. He reached for you, and pulled you close to him with a strong arm. “Right.”

You leaned up to kiss him, and the kiss was quick and brief, as he pulled away. You opened your mouth to say something but found yourself unable to say anything. So instead, you spun on your heels and made your way out. You quietly shut the door behind you and when you turned around, you nearly bumped into Jasper. He rubbed his eyes before looking at you curiously. “Ms. Y/N, what were you doing in my dad’s room?”

“Jasper! Um.” You began, your cheeks burning, racking your brain for something to say to the seven year old. “I had to help your dad with something. It’s still early, why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll come get you when it’s time for breakfast. How about chocolate chip pancakes?”

Jasper yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Okay.” You sighed inwardly and walked Jasper down the hall back to his room.

Back in your room, you showered and freshened up. You were still tingly all over from sleeping with Bryan earlier. Part of you wondered if it was really the last time and if you thought about it too much, an uncomfortable feeling gnawed at your insides.

Deep down though, you knew, it wasn’t.

***

Later that evening, you settled into bed with your tablet, hoping that a good book would quiet your mind from other thoughts. You pulled the comforter up to your waist and turned all but one light off. Before opening your latest read, you decided to check your email.

“Junk, junk, junk.” You murmured to yourself as you went through your inbox. There was one email that caught your eye.

It was from your cousin in New York who was getting married in less than a month. You were a bridesmaid and it was an invitation to her bachelorette festivities in The Hamptons.

You made a mental note to ask Bryan about time off to attend in the morning.

***

“Where are you going again?” Bryan asked as he followed you into the kitchen. You pulled a carafe of orange juice from the fridge as well as some cut-up fruit. You used your foot to shut the fridge door and set everything on the marbled breakfast bar.

You watched Bryan as walked by, inwardly groaning. He was shirtless, in casual sleep shorts. Your eyes raked over his muscular chest, knowing how good it felt to grip when you rode him. How the smattering of salt and pepper chest hair felt against your nipples. How he always kept it trim and it made a perfect trail to…

“The Hamptons.” You replied, shaking your head out of its reverie. “She rented a beach house for the weekend and we’re just basically going to drink and work on our tans.”

“Mmm.” Bryan reached for a glass and made his way towards you. Your breath hitched as he approached you from behind. You could feel his breath hot on your neck as he reached past you for the carafe of orange juice.

“I should be so jealous.”

You tensed, straightening your back. “How so?” you squeaked.

You felt Bryan push your hair off your neck and felt his beard tickle your skin. “I’d love to see you in a bathing suit.”

You laughed and turned around. Your heart raced as you were almost nose to nose with the litigator. “Bryan, you’ve seen me naked. I have had your dick in my mouth.”

Bryan smirked. “It’s different.” He brought the carafe to his mouth and drank it. You watched as his Adam's apple bobbed in his neck and all you wanted to do in that moment was to hop on the counter and let him have his way from you. Bryan set the orange juice down and licked his lips. Your cunt clenched around nothing and you were certain your face was flushing.

“Oh.”

Bryan winked and left, but not before grabbing a piece of melon and plucking it into his mouth.

***

Time flew and soon it was the morning of when you were to head out to the East Coast.

“Jasper, Sandrine, be on your best behavior this weekend.” You said, crouching between the two tow headed children. “Try not to give your dad a hard time.” Please.” you added after a beat.

“We won’t.” Sandrine replied. “Promise.”

Jasper nodded eagerly. “Bring us a souvenir?” he asked, his voice hopeful.

“Of course!” You replied. You heard a car honk outside. You stood and ruffled Jasper’s hair. You looked past him, to Bryan. “That must be my ride.”

“Really should have let me drive you.” Bryan gruffed.

You smiled. “It’s not a big deal. I’ll only be gone for the weekend. I’ll be back Sunday night. Not even a two hour flight.”

“Let me at least walk you out and help you with your luggage.”

You didn’t miss how his hand cradled your lower back as he walked you out. After your luggage was put in the trunk, Bryan handed the driver some cash, telling him to keep the change. Before you got in the car, Bryan surprised you by kissing you. “You’ll be missed.”

The two of you were completely unaware of four little eyes watching from behind the window adjacent to the door.

***

Bryan was sure you were having a great time. He didn’t want to seem overbearing but he was curious as to how you were doing. He quickly learned how much of a good time you were having through your instagram since you followed each other. He smiled at the pictures of you and your cousins. It looked like you were having a great time. Bryan couldn't help but admit that his feelings for you were becoming more.

You were dancing with your cousin and her friends at a dive bar. You were in a bikini top and shorts, rolled at the waist but undone, around a bonfire. Random shots of you hugging people. There was one photo in particular he wasn’t wild about but he was sure it was nothing more - you were in the middle of the shot, sandwiched between who he deduced was your cousin and some young blond man. The blond wrapped his arm around your waist and you were smiling.

There were also some interesting text messages. One was a photo of you in your suit, as he requested, and then there was one of you nude, from the neck below.

You were back in your room, after having one too many drinks. You changed your clothes and climbed into bed. A thought occurred to you - your roommate - a friend of your cousins - was off hooking up with some random person - you could call Bryan and have a little phone sex. You climbed into bed and reached for your phone.

You pouted as your call went to voicemail. “Hi Bryan - oh, I’m sorry.” You slurred. “I mean daddy. Right? You like it when I call you that right? I miss you so much. I wish you were here with me. I am so lonely and so fucking wet for you.” Your hands drifted down to the middle of your legs and you began to touch yourself. You continued to play with yourself while talking into the phone. “It’s never off the table - you and I. I am always yours for the taking.”

You began to rub yourself more quickly, feeling the coil inside of you about to burst. “Oh yes, daddy! Fuck!”

As you came down, your phone beeped. You looked back at the phone. It was dead.

You threw your head back onto the pillow, irritated. You sat up and reached for your charger and plugged it in. As you waited for the phone to charge, your eyes became heavy and soon you were asleep.

***

Meanwhile in Chicago, Bryan sat in his office, trying to finish a brief. The kids were asleep in their rooms. He looked at the clock, and wondered if you were still awake. He picked up his phone and was about to call you, when he changed his mind and decided to pull up the picture of you naked once more. Bryan’s cock twitched and his thumb trailed over you. He stood and lowered his pants and boxers, so they were around his ankles. His cock was hard and weeping. He stroked himself as his mind drifted back to the last time he fucked you. He remembered how your body swayed from the pull of his hands drawing you back on his cock.

He stroked himself rhythmically, squeezing at the base with every downstroke. Bryan let his thumb glide across the head of his cock, smearing pre-cum. Bryan released himself and spit into his hand before resuming his movements, now stroking faster. Bryan stared at the picture of you and let out a moan, imagining it was you sucking and stroking him instead. He recalled how wet you were, how good your pussy felt wrapped around his cock, taking him deep.

Bryan’s balls began to feel heavy and that familiar coil in his gut began to emerge, signaling his need for release. He began to stroke himself feverishly, working faster and faster. He gripped his phone hard before releasing it knowing he wasn’t going to last much longer. Bryan’s hips jerk forward as cum pumped out in hot and fast spurts all over his fist. He attempted to make it last by continuing to stroke himself languidly, squeezing out every last bit of cum. With a grunt and shuddering sigh, Bryan felt incredible relief. Bryan tried to bring his labored breathing back to normal so that he could clean himself up. He was so distracted while cleaning up, he didn’t see the incoming missed call from you, or your voicemail.

***

The next morning, you woke up to a few texts from Bryan double checking when your flight came in. You responded and inquired how the kids were in your absence. ‘Fine.’

If you were paranoid, you would have felt uncomfortable at his short reply. You showered and since it was still warm out in New York, chose a sundress and a cardigan.

You said goodbye to your cousin and her friends, and took a cab to the airport. You made sure to stop at the giftshop to pick up some souvenirs for Sandrine and Jasper. You found a chintzy cigar ashtray emblazoned with I “heart” NY and picked that up for Bryan.

It was to your surprise that you found Bryan waiting at arrivals with Jasper and Sandrine. You laughed at the sign Jasper held with your name. “Did you all miss me?” You asked.

“Dad doesn’t make the pancakes like you make them.” Sandrine replied, with a roll of her eyes as you all walked to the parking lot.

“I am sure he did just fine.” You replied.

Bryan grunted in response and you looked his way, your brow arched. After waiting a beat and realizing he wasn’t going to say anything further, you turned your attention back to the children.

“Well, I missed you all tons. It was not the same without you three.” You replied as Sandrine took your hand.

“You sure looked like you were having fun.” Bryan muttered under his breath as you all approached his car. Bryan took your bag and unceremoniously dropped it into the trunk. While you knew Bryan had a temper - you couldn’t chalk what you did to upset him. ‘Maybe just work bullshit.’ you thought to yourself as you got in the car.

***

Dinner that night was takeout - Chinese - and you all sat around the coffee table, very informally as a movie played. Bryan sat on the couch, sipping his drink and picking at dinner. After the last fortune cookie was read, Bryan cleaned up and you got the kids ready for bed.

You tucked the kids for the night and then made way to find Bryan. He was in his study, his back to you as he looked out the window. Before you could even announce your presence, he beckoned you in.

Still looking outside the window, Bryan took a long sip of his drink. “You had a lot of fun this weekend, didn’t you?”

“I did.” You admitted, rather slowly as you approached him from behind. “Is there some kind of a problem?”

“You were naughty. I saw the pictures, prancing around in that little bikini, flaunting those tits. I saw how that guy had his arm wrapped around you.”

“Him?” You exclaimed before letting out a sardonic chuckle. “He grabbed my ass and I smacked him. Besides,” you continued, “what does it matter? It’s not like I am your girlfriend. What? Are you pissed you had to deal with your children for once on a whole given weekend?”

“Excuse me?” Bryan turned to face you. “What did you say?”

You crossed your arms, which pushed your tits further up in the sundress you still wore.

“You heard me.” You challenged, your chin jutted upwards in defiance.

“I heard that little message you left me too.”

You stared at him confusedly for a minute and then your eyes widened in realization.

Bryan took out his cellphone and pressed play on the voicemail message that you didn’t recall leaving. Your mouth dropped as you heard yourself masturbating and then coming.

Bryan tossed his phone onto the desk followed by the glass, which left the sound of a plink. He stalked you with long strides and when you blinked, he materialized in front of you. You looked up at him, and he could see the fire in your eyes.

Bryan pulled you to him, and his hands were immediately on your ass, squeezing and groping. Your hands cupped his cheeks as you pressed your lips to his, kissing him. Your kiss was desperate and your cunt ached with need.

He tilted your neck, exposing the slope and he latched his mouth on your sweet spot. He sucked a mark into your skin and then used his teeth to scrape the wounded area, causing you to hiss.

There was a couch in the study and normally you would find Bryan there, asleep when he’s worked too late. Now instead, he was sitting, with your bottom-half draped over his lap.

Bryan flipped your sundress up, delighted to find you wearing a thong. Your breath hitched as his hands gently caressed your exposed flesh and then pulled the back of your thong up, so it disappeared more between your cheeks. His other hand dipped to your pussy, feeling how hot, wet and needy you were.

“Such a fucking tease. We agreed we weren’t going to do anything else, did we not?”

His fingers dipped slightly into your folds, teasing.

“I’m a tease? Please, you loved it.” You retorted before letting out a moan.

“Watch that mouth.” Bryan growled as he removed his hand from your already soaking cunt, and moved it to your hair where he gave a firm tug. “You’re going to get spanked for that little comment.” Bryan grabbed a handful of flesh and shook it.

His tone took a deeper, darker, authoritarian tone. “Count.”

The first spank was light, almost like a test spank. Still, you couldn’t help yourself. “You call that a spank? C’mon, if you’re going to spank me, make it worth my while.”

A rumble emanated deep and low from Bryan and you tensed, bracing yourself for the subsequent spank. His heavy hand landed on your skin, sharp and hot, the sound nearly reverberating in the otherwise quiet space. You let out a gasp as you jolted slightly off of him.

“That better?” Bryan asked. Your skin was tingling and you found yourself unable to formulate words. Another smack landed, this time on the opposite cheek, sending a shot of arousal through your core. One of his hands soothed a reddened cheek while the other twisted into your hair and tugged harshly. “Well? Answer me.”

Your eyes pricked with tears; the pain mixed with your arousal - it hurt, but in a good way and you wanted more. “Yes.”

“Adding another ten. Keep it up and I’ll add another ten. Right now we are at twenty. Count.”

You took a deep breath as Bryan’s hand came down hard on your ass once more.

“One.” The spank that followed was delivered just as harshly, maybe even more so.

“Two.”

The sting stuck around a few seconds longer and your skin began to feel more and more sensitive. Your pussy throbbed and you knew if Bryan were to touch you, you would fall apart.

As if reading your mind, you felt Bryan’s hands at the sides of your panties. He nimbly removed them, and lowered them down to the widest part of your thighs, the material stretching. The air of the room caressed your folds and Bryan hummed pleasantly. His fingers skimmed your cunt, which was hot and wet. Over and over, Bryan teasingly played with your cunt - stroking inside and out. His fingers were coated in your juices. You were whimpering, mewling under your breath softly, but you were stuck there on his lap. Your breath was heavy, your heart was pounding in tandem with the throb of your pussy.

“Daddy, oh fuck, please.” You begged. A tear dripped down your cheek. “I want to come! Please!”

You tried to squirm, desperate for some kind of friction, but Bryan just held you there.

“Good girls get to come. You’re my dirty little slut. Tell me do you think of me often when you touch yourself?

“Yes.” You whimpered. “All the time.”

The flat of his palm was against your skin, delivering yet another controlled and calculated spank. Over and over again, alternating sides of your cheeks while you counted. By the time the final spank was delivered, the skin of your ass was red and hot. You took another deep breath as Bryan delivered the final spank – that final spank was the hardest spank you’d managed yet. Your whole body tensed for a moment as the pain radiated around you, more tears falling.

Bryan’s cock was painfully hard, aching against you. All in that moment was him inside of you, to quell that ache that he had created. Instead, he stood, shifting you back onto the couch so that you laid flat.

“Don’t move.” His voice was firm and you nodded. Your eyes tracked him as he walked out of the study. Your mind began to drift to where he was going. Was he going to leave you there? Was this some kind of kinky test?

Before your mind could drift any further, Bryan was back. He sat next to you and you heard the sound of a lid being unscrewed. You jumped slightly as you felt something - a cream, an ointment - you weren’t sure - being applied to your skin.

“It’s a salve with comfrey.” Bryan murmured. “You did so well.”

When he was done, your panties were tugged back up and your dress smoothed down. You winced as you sat up. Your face and chest were flushed and Bryan could see the outline of your hard nipples. You were doe-eyed, your mouth slightly parted.

Bryan rubbed his thumb over your bottom lip, in a gentle almost caressing way. You darted your tongue out and nipped the fatty pad of his thumb. Bryan took a deep inhalation and your eyes drifted to his cock, which was still pressing against the front of his pants.

Bryan watched as you undid the straps of your dress, one shoulder at a time, and then shimmying it down, exposing your breasts.

You reached down to the button of his pants but Bryan caught your wrists instead.

“Not now. Later.” Bryan stood and then turned to help you stand. As much as he did want to fuck you, he wanted the satisfaction of denying you. Instead he pulled your straps back up. “You need to rest for what I have in store for later. Now what do you say for earlier? Did you learn your lesson?”

You nodded and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Maybe.”

Bryan leaned down to whisper in your ear. “Such a slut for daddy’s cock.” And with that he pinched your nipple hard, causing you to cry out once more.

***

The following day and the rest of the week that followed, Bryan made no further move other than little kisses and touches here and there. By the time the end of the week rolled around, you felt as if every nerve ending was electrified, like a ticking bomb waiting to detonate. You were so thrilled that the kids were going to their mother’s for the weekend. You would finally be alone with Bryan, with no interruptions.

As you hugged the children goodbye, Constance glared at you as she leaned against her car. The driver of Constance’s car came around and picked up the children’s overnight bags and loaded them into the trunk.

You waved goodbye and as you spun on your heels to go back inside, you heard your name called.

Constance crossed her arms. Her gaze was hidden by her oversized sunglasses. “May I have a word with you?”

Your heart was in your throat and you could feel the bile in your throat rise.

“Sure.” You replied weakly. “Inside, so as to not disturb the children.”

Constance pushed past you and into her former home, whipping her long blonde hair in your face. The sound of her heels echoed throughout. You followed her, feeling as if you were walking in molasses. She spun around, while removing her sunglasses. The tension was thick - easily cut through with a knife.

“The children told me they saw you and Bryan kissing.”

You swallowed hard. You opened your mouth, but she raised a finger at you, shushing you.

“And while the children don’t have an issue with it, I do. And don’t think for a minute that Bryan loves you. I see through you. You’re nothing more than the hired help, someone who can be easily replaced. I have made sure to protect my assets and I will not have some two bit tramp take what is rightfully mine.” And before you could even further digest what she said, Constance delivered a sharp smack across your face.

You cried out, covering your face from any other infliction. To add insult to injury, when Constance slapped you, the stones of her many rings were on the inside of her palm, which cut your face. Your face grew hot, matching the heat that emanated from your bruised cheek.

You watched through tears as Connie stormed off and got into the back of her car. You continued to watch until the car drove off. You went over to the hallway mirror, checking your face. You gingerly touched your cheek, wincing as you did so. And it was only then, you allowed yourself to cry.

***

Hours later, Bryan came home from the office; you were nowhere to be found. He searched his home and then your apartment. Your car was still parked, so he knew you couldn’t have gone far.

When he did find you, he found you sitting at the pool edge, with a pack of peas on your face. Your eyes were puffy, streaks of mascara had dripped down your face and dried.

You couldn’t bear to look at him, fearing you would burst into tears once more. So when he crouched down next to you, you instead chose to look into the pool’s reflection, explaining what had happened.

“Come.” Bryan responded, offering his hand to you. You sighed and stood, taking his hand into yours. Bryan led you to the bathroom, where he cleaned your face and applied the same salve on your cheek as he did on your rear, just days prior.

Bryan offered dinner, but you refused, just wanting to go to bed. Bryan pressed a kiss to your forehead before excusing himself to make a call. As you reached the door to your apartment, you could hear Bryan yelling on the phone. And fresh tears fell once more.

***

You woke up the next morning, your head pounding. You showered and tied your hair into a loose wet braid. You found Bryan in the kitchen, plating food from containers. He gave you a small smile as you padded in.

“You know I can’t cook for shit.” Bryan apologized. “Coffee?”

You shook your head. “In a minute. I just wanted to say about last night --”

Bryan came up to you and placed a finger over your lips. “Nothing. It wasn’t your fault. It was Connie’s.” Even hearing her name made you wince.

To your surprise, Bryan enveloped you in a hug and you nuzzled against his chest, taking in how warm and solid he was. The embrace was comforting and as his fingers trailed your spine, you felt yourself grow warm in other places. Gently, you pulled away from him and looked up at him. Constance’s words reverberated in your head. Instead you decided to lean into it. If you were going to get smacked, then at least make it worth it. “You know, you were going to make good on that promise to me…”

Bryan raised a brow. “Are you sure? Look, last night was a lot --”

You shook your head as you repeated the words from your voicemail. “I’m yours for the taking… daddy.”

Bryan took a deep breath and something in his whole demeanor changed as you called him that. He cupped your face and pulled you in for a searing kiss. His tongue rolled against yours, exploring your mouth. You could taste the lingering coffee on him and he could taste the minty remnants of your mouth. You reached down and rubbed the front of his pants, feeling his cock harden beneath your touch. Bryan took the bottom of your lip and gave it a nip.

***

In all of the places you imagined having sex with Bryan, the middle of his open concept kitchen was not one of them. You were on your back, on the rug that usually was by the sink. Bryan loomed over you. You eyed the large tent in his pants and licked your lips hungrily. Bryan climbed over you, covering your body with his. His hands threaded in your hair as he slanted his mouth over yours. Your legs wrapped around his hips, interlocking at the ankles. As the two of you kissed, he rutted against you. Your hands ran down his sides, using your nails to scrape his sides.

Bryan broke the kiss and sat back on his haunches, before reaching for the hem of his shirt and removing it over his head. You admired his broad chest, with the smattering of greying chest hair that you loved so much. Your eyes followed the trail down to where it disappeared under the waistband of his pants. You leaned up slightly and removed your top before reaching back to unclasp your bra, freeing your aching breasts.

Bryan’s mouth latched onto a nipple immediately, swirling his tongue over the pebbled flesh. You arched slightly into his mouth as his teeth gently scraped over the sensitive and heated flesh. One hand wrapped into his hair, and the other cupped your other breast. You tugged on his hair so he could equally lavish the other breast. He suckled hard on your tit, leaving a purple mark.

“Oh yes, Bryan.” You moaned. You were already so wet and ready for more. You raised your hips, desperate for some friction. Bryan moved further down your body, leaving a trail of wet kisses along the valley of your breasts. His tongue laved on and over your belly button, causing your muscles to quiver. He finally made way down to just above your pelvic region where he made quick work of your pants and underwear, removing them simultaneously. Bryan tossed your clothes carelessly to the floor. You spread your legs, but he spread them further, hooking his arms under your thighs and bringing your sweet cunt to his mouth. He nuzzled your pussy, taking a deep inhalation of your scent. His hot breath on your cunt made you so eager in anticipation as to what was to come. You propped yourself up on your elbows and let out a giggle as Bryan gave you a wink before he dipped his head.

You let out an obscene moan and threw your head back as he flattened his tongue and licked a broad stripe up. The warm, wet muscle of his tongue circled your clit before his lips closed around it, suckling hard. You ground and rocked against his mouth, as he worked you closer and closer to orgasm. The enthusiastic sounds Bryan made as he ate you out only further served to heighten your arousal. Bryan would sporadically pause to lavish bites on your thighs but then would dive in, pushing his tongue inside of you as deep as possible.

“I’m going to come!” You cried out, feeling your orgasm about to crest. Bryan removed his mouth from you and you let out a whine at the denial. “Bryan!”

Bryan responded by sliding two of his thick fingers inside of you, using his thumb to roughly rub your clit. “You’ll come sweetheart. Don’t you worry. But you know what I want and I want you to give it to me.” His fingers crooked in a come hither motion towards your navel and a different kind of pressure began to quickly build. You grasped at the floor, your legs trembling. The pressure burst and your back arched in a bow as you came hard, squirting all over Bryan and the rug.

You barely had a chance to come down as Bryan eased out his fingers briefly and then thrusted three fingers deep inside of you, to the knuckles. “Fuck!”

“Give daddy another one sweetheart. You earned it.” Bryan commanded. His mouth returned to your clit, abusing and torturing it as his fingers began to jackhammer into you. You squeezed your eyes tightly, feeling the pressure build again.

“I’m gonna… I’m gonna… oh God!” You wailed as Bryan removed his mouth and rubbed your clit with the flat of his palm rapidly. Warm wetness released from you as you squirted again.

“God I wish you could see how beautiful you are when you come for daddy.” Bryan purred as he licked your pussy juices off your thighs.

Your breath was shallow, your body trembling as Bryan stood to make removal of the rest of his clothes. His monstrously sized cock stood proudly, the meaty veins glistening with arousal. Bryan gave himself a few pumps. You widened your legs and Bryan shook his head. “All fours.”

You did as told, turning over on wobbly legs and positioning yourself on all fours.

You felt him line up with your entrance and you pushed back eagerly. His hands ran over your hips and then ass, grabbing the flesh. Teasingly, Bryan slipped the fat head of his cock inside you and then slipped out. He did it a few times and you let out an annoyed whine and pushed back once more.

Bryan pushed inside of you deeply in one smooth thrust, your cunt gripping him tightly once he was fully seated. Bryan groaned, deep and throaty, relishing in how your pussy took him so well. If he could have seen your face, he would have seen the dreamy smile on your face. Bryan’s cock was perfect and no one fucked you as good as he did. Bryan withdrew and then snapped his hips against the round of your ass, tearing a moan from you. Bryan grabbed the flesh of your hips and began to thrust in and out of you, setting a brutal and fast pace.

“Oh fuck yes daddy, give it to me!” You cried out, dropping your head. Your hair fell over your face, swaying in tandem with his thrusts.

“That’s it, take daddy’s cock.” Bryan growled as he placed a hand on the small of your back and leaned back slightly, watching as his cock, covered in your juices, disappeared in and out of you.

The sounds of obscene moans and deep, throaty groans filled the room as Bryan fucked you mercilessly. The sex was raw, primal and animalistic. Bryan withdrew and pulled you into standing position. You were about to question him, when he propped you on the table. He threw your legs over his shoulders and slid his cock back into you.

“Fuck, yes, oh Jesus fuck, give it to me! That’s it! Harder! Deeper!”

The table creaked and the table moved slightly as Bryan began to pick up the pace, his cock slamming inside of you over and over again. You could feel how his balls slapped against your cunt.

“Yes! Yes! Like that!” You panted. Bryan turned his head to one of your legs and licked the salt off your skin.

“Gonna come for me?” Bryan growled. “Gonna cream on my cock?”

“Yes, yes! Gonna make me come!” You cried out. Bryan dropped over you and a hand wrapped around your neck. Bryan squeezed and the air around you became thin. Bryan continued to fuck into you and you reached down to rub your clit.

Your walls began to tighten and flutter around Bryan’s length. “That’s it, give it to daddy.” He purred. “Let me feel you come and then I’ll fill you up real good.”

Bryan let go of your throat and moved to rub your clit as well, pushing your fingers away. You gasped, your lungs burning as air rushed in.

You came hard, your cunt squirting. You squeezed your eyes so hard that when you opened them, you saw floaters in your vision. Your cunt clamped on his cock again and you wailed again. “Bryan! Bryan! Oh my God!”

Bryan suddenly withdrew and he watched with obscene pride as you squirted again all over the table and floor.

“That’s right, make a mess for daddy.” Bryan growled. He then pushed you back down on the table, lifting your hips ever so slightly. He easily slid his cock inside of you once more and pounded into you erratically, chasing his own release. Bryan let out a deep groan, stiffening as he came, shooting his creamy hot load into you.

Bryan slumped over you and let out a sigh of content. You turned and pressed a kiss along his sweaty bearded cheek.

He withdrew and you let out a whine, already missing the feel of him inside of you. Bryan bent your legs to the knee and pulled your legs apart, his eyes focused on your pussy. “So full.” Bryan replied, again with pride.

You used the opportunity to squeeze some of your muscles, forcing some of his come out of you. Bryan let out a groan watching it drip out of you and onto the floor. He scooped some of his come that dripped out of you and slid his fingers inside of you, effectively fucking the cum back into you. You let out a shiver in response. Bryan slid his fingers out of you and sucked them clean before moving to stand you up.

You wrapped your arms around him, your mind still whirling. You were never going to be able to look at mealtime the same way again. “That was amazing.”

Bryan pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “And we have the whole weekend to ourselves.” He murmured and you hummed contentedly.

“I suppose we should clean this mess.” You stated, feeling yourself blush, despite the fact that you were both standing fully nude in his otherwise, pristine, white kitchen.

Bryan ran his hands through his hair, nodding. He then spoke again. “Don’t worry about Constance. I handled her.”

You looked up at Bryan, a small smile on your face. “Yeah?”

Bryan nodded and walked over to the sink, where he grabbed a rag. “She won’t be bothering you again or else. She’s just bitter and jealous. Her anger is misdirected - she should be upset with me. And even if she was, I don’t give a shit.”

You hummed and began picking up all the fallen clothes. “Thank you.”

Bryan wrapped his arms around you. “Now lets finish cleaning up and then let's take this to the shower.”

FIN.

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[alwaysachorusgirl]

Cat Moms Included

Pairing: Frederick Chilton x FemReader

Word Count: 1,862

For: @storiesofsvu 1 Year Anniversary Bingo

Square: Mother's/Father's Day

TW: none really, briefly implied smut, but mostly tooth-rotting fluff

A/N: Yes, I know I'm a bit late for Mother's Day, but hey, I got something done! Cat Daddy Frederick and Buttercup are back, and they brought a whole lot of fluff with them. As always, if anyone wants to be tagged in a future fic post, please let me know!

Tags: @madamsnape921; @itsjustmyfantasyroom; @prurientpuddlejumper; @thatesqcrush; @raulesparza4eva; @teamsladsandgents; @welcometothemxdhouse

Frederick was awoken by a gentle pressure on his chest and a small wet nose nuzzling his own. His eyes fluttered open to see Buttercup’s furry face gazing back at him. She rubbed her face against his chin.

“Mew?”

“Good morning to you, too, sweetheart,” he said softly to the growing kitten. “I suppose you want breakfast?”

“Mew.”

“Okay then,” Frederick chuckled, giving her a little scratch between her ears. “You’re going to have to move so I can get up and freshen up first.” Buttercup let out a huff, but reluctantly padded down to the end of the bed and sat down.

Now came the hard apart. Frederick cast his eyes to you. You were curled up next to him, still asleep, using him as your pillow with one arm draped across his torso. One of his arms was wrapped around you, making sure that you didn’t drift away from him during the night. And you were still both very naked from the previous night’s activities. Frederick brushed a wisp of hair out of your face with his free hand, and his heart swelled with love when you sighed contentedly in your sleep and a soft smile crept across your lips. The last thing he wanted to do was tear himself away from your side. But if he wanted to feed Buttercup and prepare the final part of your surprise, he was going to have to.

He slowly and carefully extracted himself from your limbs, thanking his lucky stars that you were a sound sleeper. All the while Buttercup was staring him down and flicking her tail impatiently. He moved to the dresser, pulling out a clean pair of briefs, pajama pants, and a t-shirt, and headed to the en-suite bathroom to dress and brush his teeth. When he was done freshening up and dressed, he stepped back out into the bedroom, and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Darling! I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“Hmm?” You looked up at him through dreamy half-lidded eyes, cuddling Buttercup. “Oh, no, my sweet girl just wanted to cuddle with her mommy, isn’t that right sweetie?” Buttercup just purred and rubbed her head against your cheek.

“Or she’s trying to coerce you into a second breakfast,” said Frederick with a sigh.

“Mew?” Buttercup whipped her head around at the sound of the word “Breakfast”.

“Yes, I’m still going to feed you. Now, come along and let your mother go back to sleep.” Buttercup swiftly stood and leapt from the bed down to the floor. Frederick looked back you lovingly. “I’ve got this, my love, you rest and stay right here. I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise? For me?” Your eyes went wide. “Frederick, you shouldn’t. You already spoil me far too much.”

Frederick walked to the edge of the bed and cupped your face in his hands. “You, my exquisite angel, deserve to be spoiled every day. And I fully intend to spend the rest of my life doing just that.” His lips found yours, melding perfectly with them, just like always. You moaned into the kiss and grabbed his t-shirt, trying to pull him closer. Frederick chuckled at this and gently pulled away, drawing a whine from you. “There will be plenty of time for that later, my love, but first, your surprise, and believe it or not, Buttercup helped.”

You giggled at that and glanced down at you fur baby. “Oh, did she now?”

“Mew.”

“She did indeed,” answered Frederick, “and I just need you to stay right here and don’t come downstairs, regardless of what you might hear or smell.”

“I’m extremely concerned, but I can do that.” You kissed him one more time. “You and Buttercup go do whatever it is you need to do; I need to use the bathroom.”

Buttercup jumped off the bed as Frederick took your hand helped you stand. He sucked in a breath at the sight of your still naked body, awestruck by your beauty. It didn’t go unnoticed by you, and you made a point of teasing your lover, making it impossible for him to not stare at your ass as you bent over to pick your green silk robe up off the floor.

“Like what you see, Frederick?” You slung the robe over your shoulder and swayed your hips as you sauntered toward the bathroom.

“You minx, you know perfectly well that I can never get enough.”

“Well, I guess you’d better hurry back then.” You gave him a suggestive look over your shoulder before disappearing into the bathroom.

Frederick released a breath and looked down at Buttercup. “Let’s get to work then, shall we?”

*********************

You took your time brushing your teeth and washing your face. You were incessantly curious as to what Frederick and Buttercup were up to. As far as you knew, it wasn’t a special occasion. Not that Frederick needed one as an excuse to spoil you. He did so every chance he got. You did your best to do the same for him. It just seemed odd. The both of you always slept in on Sunday mornings. Even if Buttercup woke you up demanding breakfast, you were usually the one to get up and feed her, always coming right back to the comfort of Frederick’s arms after she was settled. You brushed your hair out and exited the bathroom. You would know soon enough what your dear, sweet man had up his sleeve.

***********************

After putting down fresh food and water for Buttercup, Frederick washed his hands, started brewing a fresh pot of your favorite coffee, and got to work. He had gotten out the waffle iron (and its instruction manual) and set it up on the counter the night before. He began pulling additional items from the cabinets and refrigerator one-by-one: a mixing bowl, waffle mix, a whisk, measuring cups, vegetable oil, eggs, chocolate chips, fresh strawberries, whipped cream, butter, syrup, and non-stick cooking spray. He opened the waffle iron and made sure the heart shaped mold was still securely attached, then closed it, plugged it in, and pushed the button to pre-heat.

He then got to work with measuring and mixing. He followed the instructions on the box of waffle mix, doing everything in the same order that you always did. He even used your method for cracking eggs, counting to three before swiftly cracking the shell on the edge of the bowl. He had been practicing with you for months. You loved waffles, and he had wanted to be able to make them for you. It had started with him observing and taking notes, but you insisted that when it came to cooking, you had to learn by doing. And so, you had given him a task and provided him with plenty of encouragement and praise. And you never yelled or belittled him when he made mistakes. You would always reassure him and the two of you would figure out a way to fix it.

“Mew,” Buttercup interrupted his train of thought. He glanced down and smiled at her, then chuckled as he saw her crouch down, wiggle her backside, then leap from the floor to the countertop.

“You’re getting good at that,” he remarked, “a month ago you still needed a chair to help you get all the way up. You’re getting bigger and stronger every day.”

“Mew,” replied Buttercup. “Mew?”

“Yes, I’m cooking without supervision. It’s all part of our plan to surprise Mommy, remember?”

“Mew?”

“Yes, I know what I’m doing.” Frederick finished whisking the waffle batter and verified that the waffle iron was hot and ready to go. He opened it and carefully and sprayed it with the non-stick cooking spray, and then used a measuring cup to pour the batter into the mold. He then closed the device and flipped it over, activating the built-in timer. He moved to busy himself with slicing up the strawberries while waiting.

“Mew?”

“Yes, I signed your name on the card.”

“Mew?”

“Yes, your gift is all wrapped and hiding in the bedroom closet.”

“Mew, mew?”

“Yes, I know I left my cane upstairs. I’ll be okay without it. And yes, I can get the tray upstairs without dropping it. I practiced while Mommy was at the store yesterday.”

The waffle maker started beeping and Frederick flipped it over and opened it. A heart shaped, golden brown chocolate chip waffle sat in the center of it, and Frederick grinned, quite please with himself. He used a fork to lift it out of the machine and onto a plate. He looked over at Buttercup, who appeared to be rather impressed.

“Not bad for “unsupervised”, eh? What do you say we try another one?”

*********************

You were lounging in bed in the silk pajamas that Frederick had bought you for Christmas, a copy of Jane Austen’s “Northanger Abbey” in hand. Frederick and Buttercup had not yet returned, and your curiosity gnawed at you with every passing moment. Your stomach growled for the umpteenth time. If they didn’t return soon you going to march down into the kitchen and devour whatever you found in the fridge. But then you heard the sound of feet padding steadily up the stairs, and sound of Frederick’s voice telling Buttercup to go on ahead. You put down your book as you saw Buttercup come trotting into the room. She leapt up onto the bed and made herself comfortable in your open arms. You kissed the top of her head and she purred contentedly.

“There’s my sweet baby, did you have fun with Daddy?”

“I would say so, “said Frederick, entering the room with a try of food, coffee, and cranberry juice.

“Frederick, what’s all this?” You sat up as Frederick made his way over to the bed, carefully placing the tray across your lap. Your mouth watered at the sight of the waffles, topped with butter, syrup, strawberries, and whipped cream.

“It’s for you, my love, Happy Mother’s Day,” replied Frederick, kissing your cheek.

“Mother’s Day? But Frederick we don’t- “

“It’s been expanded to include pet moms, and that means you,” said Frederick matter-of-factly. “And Buttercup agrees with me, don’t you sweetheart?”

“Mew,” said Buttercup, nuzzling your cheek with her nose.

You felt yourself getting misty eyed, your heart swelling with emotions. “Oh Frederick, thank you, it’s perfect. Now, come here.” You patted the spot next to you and pulled Frederick in for a kiss as he sat down next to you. “I love you, Frederick.”

“I love you, too, darling. Now, dig in.” He indicated the waffles, and you quickly picked the knife and fork and did so.

“Mmm… Frederick these are amazing! You did wonderful job, my love.”

“Thank you, my darling, I had an expert teacher.”

“Mew?” You saw Buttercup eyeing the plate hungrily, licking her chops. You put a small dollop of whipped cream on your finger and held it out to her. She eagerly lapped it up. You giggled and placed another kiss on her head. “Such a silly girl.”

And with that, you settled in, content to enjoy your breakfast and spend the day relaxing with your beloved boyfriend and fur baby.

[aliendes]

BTS reacts to saying something hurtful and then regretting it PT.2

Anon: Hi Angel🥺 i adore your writing and i was wondering if you were going to make a part 2 to the BTS reacts to saying something hurtful I looooove part 1🥺

Anon: Absolutely loved the most recent reaction !! DEFINITELY NEED A PART TWO

Anon: Could YOU PLEASEEEEE DO a part two for the bts reaction where they something hurtful😭😭😭 but fluffy ending if possible, I LITERALLY LOVE YOUR WRITING

Anon: Hi dude, I was wondering if you would do a pt.2 to BTS reacts to saying something hurtful and then regretting it, pls do it if you're still thinking bout it!

A/N: ok damn I didn't think you’d want a second part this badly lol but here it is! * I’m sorry this is so shit, this was supposed to be posted earlier today, but I worked from home today because someone at my work was diagnosed with COVID yesterday, which is scary. But then I’ve had a migraine all day, and fell asleep for SIX hours!? That never happens. So sorry it’s so late, not that you guys know that, but still and sorry it’s shit. 

Warnings: angsssssst, fluff, mentions of sex, but no sex, cursing, mentions of cheating in the past, mentions of blood and stiches, a lot of these deal with another member being YN’s best friend, sorry it made things easier D: *unedited as per usual

Word count: 6.7k ~

In your rush to leave the apartment, you hadn’t realized you left your phone plugged in on your nightstand. Now it’s been over an hour you’ve been walking around the streets of Seoul, no way to call your sister, who would likely come pick you up. It’s not like it mattered, you didn’t really want to talk to anyone anyways. You just wanted to walk. It was your coping mechanism for a lot of things; anger, fear, sadness, anxiety. You were feeling a mixture of all of those things, and walking was a relief to you right now.

You continued walking for a little while longer, not realizing that your feet had taken you to your best friend’s apartment building. Letting out a heavy sigh, you figure you might as well crash here, you know Yoongi won't mind. 

Entering the fancy looking building, you pass the guard sitting near the front entrance, showing him your ID, which you thankfully had with you. You knew you were always on the list of approved visitors, and he was shortly letting you up the elevator. 

When you reached your best friend’s door, you held your hand up to knock, but before your fist could make contact with the wood, it was being swung open.

“YN! Oh my God!” 

Your eyes widened in shock as you took a step backwards, not expecting to see him here. “Jin?”

Your tall boyfriend steps over the threshold of Yoongi’s apartment, lifting his arms to hug you, but thinks better of it and drops them to his side. You can see dried tear tracks on his face, red rimmed eyes, and a purple bitten lower lip, all signs that he’s been crying, hard. 

“YN, I’m so sorry,” he sobs, letting fresh tears roll down his cheeks, “I-I was so worried, y-you-”

His mumbling is cut off by a firm hand on his shoulder, making his eyes fall shut as he lets the sobs rack his chest. “Come on, man,” Yoongi says stiffly behind him, “go wash yourself up.” Nodding his head, Jin turns around with one last sad glance in your direction, and disappears down the dimly lit hallway.

Yoongi watches him for a moment before turning to you, gesturing into his apartment with a nod of his head. You hesitate for a moment, briefly wondering if you should just leave, but decide your feet hurt and it’s too chilly to start walking again. Reluctantly, you follow your best friend into his living room and plop down on the couch. Following you shortly after, Yoongi falls next to you, an arm wrapping around your shoulders. 

“He told me what happened,” he says flatly, looking at you in the eyes, “he feels like shit.”

“Good,” was all you could say in response, crossing your arms over your chest. You were done being sad, now you were angry. 

Yoongi sighs next to you, “YN, I know you’re upset. You have every right to be, trust me. But you love him, and he loves you. Right?”

You want to refute him, but he’s right. You both love each other more than anything, you know that. Nodding your head, your bottom lip juts out slightly and starts to wobble. Yoongi squeezes your shoulders at the sight, “I think the two of you should talk it out, hmm?” You nod again, not trusting your voice. “You guys can crash in the spare room, I’ll head out to the studio.”

“You don’t-”

“YN, it wasn’t an offer, it was a statement.”

Knowing how stubborn your best friend was, you shut up and nodded your head again, letting him stand up and grab his jacket. 

“You know I love you both,” Yoongi said, hand on the doorknob, “but I will be upset if you fuck on my furniture.”

You scoff, head twisting back to glare at him, but he was already gone. Shaking your head, you let it fall back onto the plush sofa as you wait for your boyfriend to emerge from wherever he was. 

It felt like hours later when you opened your sleepy eyes, realizing you’d fallen asleep on Yoongi’s living room couch. Blinking a few times, you turn, only to realize you’re laying sideways, and you’re in a warm embrace. 

“Jin?” you mumble, sleepily, as you look behind you at your boyfriend’s sullen expression. 

Closing his eyes and sighing through his nose, he lays his forehead against your shoulder. “I’m sorry, YN,” he whispers, voice cracking slightly, “I’m so sorry. You know I love you, right?”

Turning around in his loose grasp, you hear the squeak of the couch underneath you. Pressing one hand against Jin’s firm chest, you bring the other up to cup his wet cheek. 

“Yes, Jin,” you mumble, making him open his eyes to stare into your own, “I do.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he cries softly, “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” you mumble, leaning forward to press a kiss on his nose, “I know you didn’t mean it. I’m sorry for running away.”

He shakes his head, pressing his plush lips to your forehead, “No, don’t apologize. I was just so fucking worried when I got to Yoongi’s and you weren’t here. I thought - I thought something happened to you, you always come here when you’re upset.”

You bit at the inside of your cheek, contemplating his words for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I just got lost in my thoughts,” you chuckle darkly, “but I’m okay, and I love you.”

Another tear rolls down Seokjin’s nose, “I’m so glad I have you in my life, YN. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I lost you.” He sniffles, making you reach up and wipe at his tears. 

“Then we’re lucky you’ll never have to find out.”

Jungkook and Yoongi are both jogging down the streets near the company building, trying to find where you went. Yoongi was about to have a full blown panic attack when he realized you had completely fled the building with no phone or bag. He was beside himself with grief, his mind turning to the worst case scenarios immediately. 

After not finding you in the immediate vicinity of the building, he and Jungkook split up, Jungkook going to look at your best friend’s house, and Yoongi going to check your apartment. He brought your bag with him, which included your keys. He knew you wouldn’t be able to get into your home without them, and felt terrible that you might be wandering around the city, alone with no way to contact anyone. 

Your bag and jacket in hand, Yoongi took the elevator up to your floor, hoping beyond all hope that he would find you somewhere around here. As he stepped off the elevator, his ears immediately perked up at the sound of light sniffles. Rushing out of the elevator doors, Yoongi stops dead in his tracks at the sight of you, sitting on the floor, back leaned against your apartment door, hugging your knees to your chest. Your forehead is resting on the tops of your bent knees, so you haven’t noticed him yet. He can tell you’re crying by the uneven breaths you take. His heart breaks, completely crumbles in his chest at the site of you attempting to curl in on yourself. 

He instantly rushed forward, dropping your bag and jacket onto the ground next to you, and fell to his knees in front of you. His hands reach out and as he places both of his hands on your shoulders, your head jerks up, startling at the sight of your crying boyfriend.

“Y-Yoongi?” your eyes are so swollen and your vision is so blurry, you think for a moment you might be seeing things.

“Yes, baby,” he whispers, “I’m here, I’m right here.” He watches as realization slowly takes hold of you, your face falling and twisting into a pained expression, almost like you’re disgusted he’s in front of you. 

You sniffle loudly, turning your head away from him, not wanting him to see what a mess he’s made of you. “Please go away,” you murmur into the empty hallway. You don’t see it, but Yoongi’s face falls even more as he realizes you really don’t want him near you. You never shy away from his physical affection, even when you’re upset with him. 

“YN, please,” he begs, hands sliding down your shoulders and your arms, eventually reaching your hands as he gently takes them in his, “let me take you inside, at least.”

Without looking at him, you nod, letting him help you stand with the grip he has on your hands. He lets go of one of your hands and bends over to grab your bag and jacket before getting your keys out and opening your door. You let him lead you inside and into your kitchen, you let him sit you down at your kitchen table, and you let him make you a cup of tea. You don’t take your eyes off a water ring stained to your wooden dining table the entire time, and it isn’t missed by Yoongi. 

“I didn’t mean it,” Yoongi whispers as he sits down across from you, setting your favorite RJ mug on the table, “If you want me to leave, I’ll leave, but I need you to know that I didn’t mean what I said.” You slowly looked up at him, eyes still devoid of emotion. He winced at the fact that he did this to you. “YN, you have every right to hate me, to kick me out, to slap me if you want,” he takes a deep breath, “but you are not crazy. You are not like your mother. You are beautiful, funny, smart, and the most caring woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Being with you has made me a better person, and there is no one in the entire world more deserving than you of love. I’m an asshole, and I used your insecurities against you for a stupid fucking reason. I regret it more than anything, YN.” He was crying by the end of his speech, looking down at his hands folded in his lap. The left side of his lips were doing that twitchy thing they did when he was upset, and you instantly felt the need to embrace him.

Standing up slowly, you move towards your sulking boyfriend, and put your hand on his shoulder. He looks up at you, bewildered that you are even touching him. “I don’t forgive you,” you start, making Yoongi’s hope dissipate, “yet. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. What you did was fucked up, Yoongs.” You whisper the last part, eyes starting to well up again.

Yoongi pulls you down onto his lap, swinging your legs over his lap and hugging onto your middle tightly. “I know. Trust me, I know. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I promise you I will work every day to gain your trust back.” You lean your head on his shoulder, nodding your head. You weren’t about to forgive him after what he did, but you weren’t about to lose what the two of you had either.

“I love you,” he sniffles, kissing your forehead, “and I’m sorry.”

You didn’t get far before your feet started killing you in your work heels. You made it a couple blocks away before you couldn’t walk any further, and sat down on a park bench. To make matters worse, it had started sprinkling as you sat there. You didn’t have your phone, or a will to get up, so you sat there and sulked in the rain. You figured you would eventually get up and head back to your apartment and fall asleep, but for now you just needed to think. 

Tears slowly rolled down your cheeks as you contemplated your relationship with Hoseok. He is usually so bright and bubbly, seeing him so angry scares you. On top of that, he called you dumb. You knew he would never harm you physically, but then again, you thought you knew he would never harm you emotionally either, yet he did exactly that today.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t hear the light footsteps nearing your bench over the light drizzle of rain. Nor did you feel the presence of someone sitting next to you, just as drenched as you were. 

Suddenly, you feel a warmth on your knee, making you startle violently, wiping at your face with your already wet long sleeve. It was no use, you were just making yourself more wet. You jumped so hard you caused the owner of the hand to pull away instantly.

“Hoseok?” you ask, blinking through tears, lips trembling due to the cold and your emotions. Looking up at him, you see he’s in no better condition. Eyes swollen and leaking, lip red and bitten, a habit of his when he’s anxious. He has the hand suspended in midair that was previously on your knee, and he looked almost like he was afraid to touch you.

“Baby,” he mutters, though you can barely hear him as the rain starts to pick up, “please come home, you’re going to get sick. I can stay at Jin’s place tonight if that makes you more comfortable.” He sounded completely broken to say those words, like if he spoke them it made it true that he made you uncomfortable. 

At the thought, you furrow your brows. Did you feel uncomfortable with Hoseok? You didn’t think so. Disappointed? Sure. But not uncomfortable.

You shake your head lightly, reaching out to grab his hand in yours. He almost flinches away from your touch, so startled that you would initiate contact right now, but he composes himself and allows you to rest your hands in your lap.

“I’m not uncomfortable,” you mutter, gnawing on your bottom lip, “I know you wouldn’t hurt me like that.”

Hoseok looks even more distraught at your words. “But that’s the thing, I’m a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have hurt you in any way, not just physically. It’s clear that I hurt you with my words, and I’m such a dipshit for doing so. I made a promise never to hurt you, and I broke that promise.”

He was right, he had promised that. Years ago when you first started dating, you had major trust issues because of your cheating ex. Hoseok had taken things slow with you and made sure that you trusted him fully before taking your relationship any further. You were thankful for him, thankful for how caring he was. 

Tears were leaking from your eyes again, mixing with the rain water falling onto your face. “Let me take you home, please, YN?” He sounded so desperate, so small, like if you told him no it would break him.

Staring him in the eye, you nod your head. He lets out a relieved sigh as he stand ups, pulling you with him. 

Once the two of you make it home, Hoseok leads you into the bathroom, both of you cold and shivering. Sitting you down on the side of the tub, he reaches over and turns the knob to turn on the hot water and then pours your honey bubble bath into the stream of water. The smell instantly relaxes you and you let your eyes slip closed as you sigh lightly. Before you could open your eyes, you hear the door to the bathroom opening again.

“Wait,” you rush out, snapping your eyes to Hoseok’s retreating frame. He stops, turning around to face you, lips blue from the cold. “Please,” you beg quietly, “stay.”

Hoseok looks conflicted. He looks like he wants to stay, so badly, but he also looks like he might make a run for it at any moment. “A-are you sure, YN? I can go to Jin’s for tonight, give you some space.”

“Do you love me?” The question surprises you as much as it surprises Hoseok. It slipped from your lips without your permission, giving away how you truly felt because of his words earlier. 

“More than anything,” he answers instantly, dropping his hold on the door knob, “do you think I don’t?”

Hoseok takes a few steps towards your still shivering frame and reaches out to wipe tears from your cheekbones that you hadn’t even noticed were falling. “YN, I am so sorry if I ever made you feel like I don’t love you. I was angry earlier. I had a shit day and that is no excuse for the things I said to you, okay? Don’t let me make excuses for myself. But do not ever think that I don’t love you because of what I said.” His words were soft, yet firm. You could tell he meant everything he said. Sniffling, you nod your head in affirmation. When he stands straight again and goes to walk away, you grab his wrist quickly.

“P-please Hobi,” you whimper, “don’t leave me.”

“Oh Angel,” he says, sitting on the bathroom floor in front of you, “I would never leave you. I just thought you’d want some time to think.” He spoke so softly you could barely hear him over the running of the bathtub behind you.

You shake your head quickly, “I don’t want time to think. I want to talk about it, work it out. Together.”

He smiles sadly down at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. “I don’t deserve you, you know?”

You return the gesture, wrapping your arms around his tiny waist. “I know,” you whisper into his chest, “take a bath with me?”

“Of course, love.”

It’s been two weeks since you’ve been back to your apartment. Since the incident at work, you’ve been consistently working from home, so you’ve been staying with your sister since you and Namjoon got into the fight.

He’s tried to contact you multiple times, sent you countless texts, and even tried to show up to your sister’s apartment about a week ago. You’ve completely ignored him, other than the one text you sent telling him you were safe and not to worry. You had packed all your essentials so you haven’t needed to go home yet, though you figure you will soon.

You were working on your laptop when you heard your phone buzz on the table next to you.

From: Jimin [2:37 pm]: hey YN

From: Jimin [2:37 pm]: can you come over?

You [2:39 pm]: to the dorms?

From: Jimin [2:41 pm]: yeah, we need to talk to you

You set your phone face down on the table. You felt like they were tricking you into seeing Namjoon. You just weren’t ready to face him yet. You knew you would eventually, you still love him with all your heart, but you really just needed time.

*Bzz*

From: Jimin [2:48 pm]: he won’t be here, I promise

From: Jimin [2:49 pm]: please

You sigh after reading his last message. You loved the boys, you truly did. You knew that they wanted to talk about Joon, but still, it was hard for you to say no to them. Especially Jimin, which is probably why they had him text you. 

You [2:55 pm]: ok I’ll be there at 5

From: Jimin [2:56 pm]: thank you!!

When you arrived at the dorms, the door was unlocked. Knowing they were expecting you, you let yourself in, slipping your sneakers off at the door and making your way towards the sound of voices in the kitchen.

When you walked into the dining area, the three men sitting at the table all turned to look at you. You were met with Jin, Jungkook, Yoongi, and Jimin.

“Uh,” you started dumbly, “what’s up guys?” You held onto the strap of your bag a little tighter, unsure of what was to come.

“Hey YN,” Jin said, getting up and walking towards you, pulling you into a tight hug, “we’ve missed you.”

You had to bite your lip to start tears from springing to your eyes. Jin was the most sincere person you’ve ever met, and you knew he meant it when he said it. It hurt you worse than you thought it would, seeing them. You missed them, too. Though you missed Joon more.

“Come sit down,” Jimin said softly from the table, “we’ll be quick. Promise.”

“Is Joon here?” Your voice cracked slightly, making Yoongi raise an eyebrow as you sat down across from him.

“He’s with Hobi-hyung and Tae-hyung in the studio,” Jungkook says from next to Yoongi. 

You nod your head and set your back at your feet, folding your hands in your lap. Jin takes a seat next to you, with Jimin at the head of the table. “What did you want to talk about?” 

All four men shared a look before Yoongi spoke up, “Namjoon isn’t doing okay, YN.”

Your head snapped up at this, worry filling your eyes. Jungkook was quick to speak up, “He’s not hurt, YN. Don’t worry. We’re just really worried about him.” He was gnawing on his lip and it made you nervous.

“He hasn’t been eating properly,” Jin whispers from next to you, “or sleeping.”

“He’s been staying at the studio sometimes all night,” Jimin says, “and he’s been staying here.”

This shocked you more than anything else they’ve told you. The reason you and Joon got an apartment is because he wanted his own space. He loved his members, but he liked time to be alone. He hasn’t lived with them in years. 

“He says the apartment smells like you,” Yoongi says, dark eyes staring into yours, “YN, he’s hurting. Bad. What he did was fucked up, but don’t you think he deserves a chance to make it right?”

“Yoongi,” Jin cautions from next to you.

“No, Jin-hyung,” Yoongi cuts in, “I know he hurt you, YN, but he regrets it so much. I’ve never, in all my years knowing him, seen him this affected by something. I’m begging you, please talk to him.”

You worry your bottom lip between your teeth, tears threatening to fall. Jimin gets up and walks around the table to you and wraps an arm around your shoulders as you look at the other three men in front of you. Nodding, you let a single tear fall into your lap. “Okay.”

You decided to wait in Namjoon’s dorm room for him to get home, while Yoongi made up an excuse for why they needed them. When you heard the front door open and the baritone of Taehyung’s voice carry throughout the house, you braced yourself to see Namjoon for the first time in weeks. 

The minute he walked through the door and saw you, tears were rolling down your face. Neither of you said a word as you ran to each other and crashed into the other’s arms. You didn’t realize how much you missed the sobbing man in your arms until you were both on the floor in a heap of bodies, crying into the other’s shoulder. 

“YN,” he sobbed, “ar-are you actually here?” The sound of disbelief in his voice broke your heart. You could feel he’s lost a bit of weight, and he looked absolutely exhausted when he walked through the door, but the brokenness in his voice is what hurt the most. 

“Oh Joon,” you pulled back from him to look into his tired eyes, “of course I’m here. I never left, not like that.”

He was biting at his lips, tears falling down his face and onto your laps as he nodded. “YN, I’m so sorry,” he says, bringing his hands from around your back and holding both of yours in his own, “I can’t believe I said such mean things to you, and over something so stupid.”

You gently shush him as you rub your thumb against the top of his hand. “It’s okay Joon,” you soothe, “we were both being stupid. You were right, I shouldn’t nag you just because I’m home more often now.”

“Please don’t apologize, baby,” he whispers, “I promise to do better and to make you happy.”

“Me too, Joon, me too.” You stare into each other’s eyes, a silent promise, before your lips are crashing onto his in a passionate kiss. 

It didn’t take long for Hoseok to find you sitting in your car in the parking lot. You locked yourself in there when you decided you were in no shape to drive, crying into your steering wheel at the events that just took place.

Hoseok had coaxed you out of the car after a few minutes and now the two of you were sitting in his recording studio, while he told you about how Jimin had been lectured by their dance teacher, one of the things that gets his self esteem at its lowest points. After the lecture, the members were practicing one of their old choreos that they would be performing at an awards show, only to have Jimin fall multiple times while doing some of the more difficult moves. He was feeling like he wasn’t as good as he used to be, and it had him feeling insecure. Right before you walked into the practice room, him and Hoseok were trying to smooth some kinks out in the routine and he was too frustrated to get them right.

You knew Jimin well, and you knew he was probably feeling terrible about himself, and now probably even worse because of what just happened with you. 

“I’m sorry Hobi,” you said, sniffling softly, “I should have listened to you.”

“No, bub,” he says reaching over and grabbing your hands, “you just wanted to make sure he was okay. None of this is your fault, okay?” You nod your head and let Hoseok’s words sooth you. You’ve been best friends since high school, he always knew how to calm you down. “I’ll go make sure Jimin is calm and I’ll have him come in here. You can have some privacy. You’re both pretty sensitive right now.”

You nod again, not trusting yourself to not cry if you spoke. Hoseok takes one last look at you before standing up and going to find Jimin.

You sit on the comfortable leather couch, collecting your thoughts, for what feels like forever, until you hear the code being input on Hoseok’s door. A moment later, you see the soft pink hair of your boyfriend poke around the corner. When he turns to look at you, he’s wearing an almost unreadable expression. You can tell he’s been crying, his eyes are a little red and his cheeks are a bit puffy, but otherwise he looks calm.

“Can I sit with you?” he asks in a small voice.

You nod your head, mirroring his unsure expression. “Of course, Jimin,” you whisper, scooting over slightly to make more room on the couch.

You both sit there staring at the other for a moment, before Jimin speaks, “Can I -”, he starts, before cutting himself off, snapping his lips shut as you raise your eyebrows. He takes a moment to configure his thoughts before he tries again. “I’m sorry, YN,” he mutters, hurt clear in his voice, “can I please touch you?”

Your heart broke at the fact that he felt the need to ask you. His hands were folded politely in his lap, making no effort to reach for you, like you didn’t want him close. Without saying anything, you stand up from your spot on the couch, and plop back down on his lap, shocking him, his hands flying to grasp your waist to steady you. You wrap your arms around his neck in response, placing a soft kiss on his head. He instantly relaxes into you, his hands kneading your sides, head resting on your shoulder as he lets out a deep sigh. You stay like that for a moment until you hear light sniffles and you realize your boyfriend is crying.

Scooting down a bit, you bring your hand around and cup his cheek, “Jimin-ie,” you whisper. 

When he looks up at you he looks so defeated and you decide then and there that you hate that look. If it were up to you, he’d never feel this way ever again. “You’re perfect to me, Jimin,” you whisper, making him scoff, trying to turn his head away from you. You don’t let him, though. “I’m serious. You may not think so, but you are so talented, sweet, and funny. You’re the kindest person I’ve ever known and I’m so lucky that you love me.”

He scoffs again, “How can you say that after what I just said to you?”

“Because I love you,” you say simply without hesitation. “I know that you were feeling insecure and anxious. I understand that you need love and acceptance when you feel like that.”

Jimin’s eyes soften at your words, another tear rolling down his cheek. “What did I do to deserve you?”

You chuckle lightly, rubbing your thumb against his cheek, “You were so perfectly you, I couldn’t help but fall in love.”

“I love you, YN,” he sobs into your shoulder, “and I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Jimin-ie,” you stroke his hair, “let’s go home, yeah?” He nods into your shoulder as you place a kiss to his forehead. 

Taehyung has posted himself up outside the bathroom door, waiting for you to come out. He wasn’t going to let this fight last. He wasn’t going to let you think he thought you were anything less than perfect. He couldn’t lose you because of his stupid and reckless mouth.

It’s been an hour since you locked yourself in there. He could hear you run yourself a bath, sit in there for a while, and then heard the tub draining. He hoped you’d be coming out soon, so he leaned his back against the door, resigning himself to sitting there all night if he had to. 

Another 10 minutes go by before you slowly open the door, making Taehyung fall backwards as he reaches out to right himself. You gasp in shock, not realizing he was right there. When he falls through the doorway, you get down on your knees, towel wrapped tightly around your body as you make sure he’s okay. “Tae! Are you okay?” 

Taehyung sighs as he lays flat on his back in the doorway of the bathroom. “Why are you asking me that? I should be the one asking you.” 

Your face falls again at the reminder that he thought you were too caring, too happy, too positive. You spent the entirety of your bath talking yourself into not being so upbeat and chipper around him. To not be so caring and to back off him a little bit. That’s what he wanted, right? He could see the gears turning in your head, so he sits up, leaning back on the palms of his hands. 

“YN, I love you,” he says softly, making you look at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“I know, Tae,” you say flatly. You didn’t think just because of a silly argument that he didn’t love you. You weren’t that insecure. You just truly didn’t want him to feel suffocated, and obviously that’s how he’s been feeling if he felt the need to blow up like that.

“No, YN. You’re too understanding,” he mentally slaps himself, “no, no. That’s not what I meant. Fuck.”

“I get it Tae, I’m suffocating you. I’m sorry, I will try to back off a little bit. I can do better.” You sit back on the heels of your feet and lean against the door frame, staring into his dark orbs. 

“Oh, princess,” he whispers, sitting up straighter and reaching a hand out to rest on your thigh, “no you aren’t suffocating me. Not at all. I’m so sorry that I’ve made you feel that way.” The look on his face is so sullen, so remorseful that you can feel just how sorry he is from looking into his eyes. “You are the sunshine that lights up my day, the only person who really gets me. You are the sweetest, kindest, most caring human being on the face of this planet, and I’ve never met someone as empathetic as you are. You are literally perfect, and I am so fucking sorry,” his voice cracks a bit as a tear rolls down your cheek at his words, “that I made you think you weren’t. I’m the shittiest partner ever for doing so, and I will spend the rest of my life making you feel wanted and as special as you deserve to feel.”

You’re full blown crying now when you lunge yourself at him, locking your arms around his neck. Sobbing into his shoulder, you nod your head against him. “I love you Tae,” you whimper, “it’s just a silly fight, right?”

He chuckles softly, wrapping his arms around you bare back, still slightly sticky from your bath, “No it’s more than that.” He feels you stiffen in his hold, so he starts to soothingly rub his large hand up and down your spine, “This is me realizing how fucking perfect I have it and making sure I never do anything to fuck this up. Never do anything to dim your light, because you are the brightest star in my eyes.”

You pull back to slap a hand lightly against his chest, smiling down at him still sitting on the floor. “Stop being so cheesy,” you mumble. He smiles at you before abruptly standing and picking you up bridal style, making you squeal. “Tae!”

“Mmm,” he moans into your ear as he tosses you on the bed and climbs on top of you, “let me show you what I mean, hmm?”

Jungkook didn’t waste any time running out your apartment door and chasing after you. He had only been gone for a minute or two, there’s no way you could have gotten far. As he walks down the street near your apartment, he calls your phone at least a dozen times, all of them going straight to voicemail. Your phone must be dead.

“Fuck,” shoving his phone back in his pocket. When he looks back up at the sidewalk ahead of him, he realizes he’s near your favorite cafe, the one with the cute Japanese trinkets for decor. Deciding to check to see if you’re there, he makes his way down the street. When he arrives at the cafe, he looks in the large glass window at the customers sitting around the restaurant, but doesn’t see you anywhere. Heaving a sigh, he turns around trying to rack his brain for other places you might’ve gone, when he sees a familiar figure sitting across the street at a bus stop. Squinting his eyes, he sees your sulking form, curled in on yourself.

Without thinking, he rushes to cross the street, only remembering at the last second to look both ways and halting his movements when he hears a car horn honking at him. Clutching at his chest, he backs up and allows the cars to pass before he’s running across the street towards you. 

When he looks back to you, you’re already standing, a bewildered look on your face. 

“Jungkook, are you crazy!?” you yell as he steps up on the curb in front of you. 

“YN-” he pants, trying to catch his breath. His adrenaline was pumping now, but he was also relieved to find you okay. “YN, I -”

“Jungkook!” you cut him off, “You could’ve gotten yourself killed!”

It takes him a moment to realize what you’re talking about, but once he catches on a blush overtakes his face and he has the decency to look sheepish. You were actually a little angry at him for being so careless, but then you think back to the argument the two of you just had, and your anger dissipates into sadness again. Jungkook sees the moment your face falls and reaches out to take your hand in his. When you wince and jerk your hand back, he feels another pang of regret in his chest, realizing you actually were hurt and he let you run out of the apartment without helping you at all. He was such a shit boyfriend. 

Jungkook huffs a breath through his nose as he reaches out carefully, palm up, silently asking for your hand. You oblige reluctantly, knowing he’s trying to help, and place your hand, palm up in his hand. 

“YN, I am so sorry,” he starts, moving closer to you to get a better look at your still bleeding finger,”I’m mad at something Namjoon-hyung and I fought about earlier, and my dumbass took it all out on you. I’m a fucking asshole.” He pulls your hand closer to his face as he talks, inspecting the cut. He saw it earlier, but it only looked like a papercut then. Now that it had bled a little more, he could see it was fairly deep, maybe even deep enough to need a stitch or two. Sighing, he closes his eyes to collect himself before he speaks his next words. “Why are you at the bus stop?” He knows the answer, and braces himself for the impact.

“I- I figured I should probably go to the hospital,” you nibble on your bottom lip, unsure why you felt bad for saying what you had to say, “I didn’t think you’d want to drive me.”

His heart breaks. He moves closer to you, pulling you into his arms and resting his chin on top of your head. “Oh, YN,” he whispers, remorse dripping in his tone, “I can’t believe I did that. I will always, always be here to help you. I don’t want you to ever feel like I wouldn’t.” He can feel tears stinging the backs of his eyes as he runs a soothing hand up and down your back. 

“I just thought since, you know…” you trail off, letting more tears fall down your face.

“I know, I was an asshole,” he starts, pulling away to look down at you, “let me take you to get that looked at, and we can talk about it on the way, okay? I’m so sorry, YN. I don’t want you to forgive me yet, I don’t deserve it. Just let me make sure you’re okay, first.”

You look up at him, unshed tears welling in his eyes when you nod your head. “Okay,” you whisper, letting him take your uninjured hand in his and walk the couple blocks back towards your apartment. You knew what he did was wrong, but you also knew that he loved you. You loved him, too. Regardless of the fights you may have, and the tough times you experience, you know you will always fight for one another. You look up at him through misty eyes while you walk, he looks back at you, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. A silent exchange letting each other know it would be okay.

[brelione]

Lets Get Sheet Faced (Sarah Cameron X Reader)

You could always rely on Sarah for a place to stay when your home life got to be too much for you.Your brother had died in a tragic surfing accident three years ago and ever since then your life has been a living hell.Your parents hated eachother and had screaming matches,often ending with things being broken and you getting caught up in the middle of it.You could always tell when it was about to start,sneaking out your back door with a back pack with an outfit and a phone charger.You never bothered telling them where you were going or who you’d be with or when you’d be back.

They never asked.You didnt even have to text her,you’d just walk into her bedroom.That was the agenda for today.You heard the sound of something metal hit the floor,probably a butterknife,and it somehow escalated to screaming about who had been responsible for the death of your brother.You grabbed your bag and left,beginning your long walk to Sarah’s.You two had been dating for nearly five months and your parents didnt know.You didnt even know if they knew about Sarah at all.You opened the door,a few tears stained your face along with a thin layer of sweat from the hot day.You closed the door behind you,sighing in relief at the feel of air conditioning cooling the sweat against your skin.

You dragged your feet up the stairs,opening Sarah’s door.She was laying on her stomach on her bed,scrolling through something when she looked up to see you.She bit her lip,knowing by the look on your face why you were here.She knew that you didnt like to talk about it and preferred distractions over therapy sessions. “Hey,pretty girl.Long time no see,wanna go in the pool?”She asked.You smiled,nodding. “Im gonna need to borrow one of your suits,left mine at the house.”You spoke,opening the top drawer of her white dresser.You changed into a bikini of hers,it was a light ash like purple that tied in the back.The two of you went out to the back yard,seeing the seven foot tall drug monster already out there.He was laying on his back in a chair,shirtless and his hair glistening from the obnoxious amount of gel he put in it.You rolled your eyes,sitting on the steps in the shallow end.

Sarah sat in the water with you,sighing as she held your hand and unknowingly started tracing her name onto your palm.She did that a lot without realizing it,kind of just a silent action to remind you that she loved you. “I just feel like everything was always about him,you know?And then when he died nothing changed they just...I dont know.”You mumbled.She nodded,biting her lip lightly. “Do you-do you miss him?”She asked,knowing it was a sensitive topic.You simply shrugged,not thinking too much about the question.He had been 13 when he died,you had been nine. “I mean…..no?That sounds like a terrible thing to say but he just...I didnt have a relationship with him.Like at all.

He’d hit me and fight me but that was it.Obviously like it was weird because there was just...an empty hole in life but like it wasnt a deep hole.I dont remember having him around or what it felt like so I cant really miss him.”You tried to put your thoughts into words,failing miserably.Sarah just nodded,squeezing your hand.Once you had cooled off and the air had gone slightly cold,the sky growing a light shade of gray and the soft sounds of rain hitting the water began the two of you finally went back inside.She offered you some cookies and chips,taking a bag of lays and a box of oreos upstairs.

She flopped dramatically onto her bed,rolling onto her side and sending you a nod. “How are you doing?”She tried to impersonate Joey from Friends.You rolled your eyes,sitting next to her on the bed. “No,no the real question is how are you doing?”You mimicked the same voice,making her giggle. “I love you.”she grinned. “Love you too.”You answered,plugging in your phone and not seeing one text message from either of your parents.Your attention was brought away from your phone when Sarah let out a gasp,jumping off the bed and going into her bathroom and giggling.

You leaned against the pillows,asking her what she was looking for.When she emerged from the bathroom she was holding a box of moisturising sheet masks. “Hey-you wanna get sheet faced?”She laughed.Your face dropped,eyes narrowing as your lips curved into a smile. “I hate that i just said that.”She laughed,opening the box and pouring the packets onto the bed. “What color do you want?Oooh-look theres a (Y/F/C) one!”She exclaimed,tossing you the package.You took it,going to the bathroom and being joined by her.She handed you a makeup wipe before wiping off the small amount of mascara and concealer she wore before laying the sheet over her skin.She took the two empty packages,putting them into the trash and informing you that the masks were biodegradable.

She made you take a mirror selfie for her streaks so you ended up with your legs around her waist,arms draping over her shoulders as you clung onto her like a monkey,resting your head on her shoulder so your face was in view of the camera.The package said to keep it on for twenty minutes which Sarah thought was the perfect amount of time to paint your toenails.She pulled out her bag of different nail polishes,letting you pick two. “Dont wiggle your toes!”She giggled,trying to hold down your ankle as you moved to a comfortable position that you could see the tv at.You went on Netflix,putting on the office and nearly kicking Sarah in the face.She laughed,painting a layer of (Y/F/C) and waiting for them to dry.

Before she could add the designs her alarm went off,telling you to take off the masks and rinse your faces.She threw a towel at you,you failed to catch it so she picked it up and held it to your face,wiping off the water as you giggled.She dried off her face,going to leave the bathroom but you grabbed her hand. “You have something just right there.”You grinned before cupping her face and kissing her lightly.She blushed,pulling you back to the bed. “We should order like...ooh what about subs?”She asked.You nodded. “Sure,should we ask Rafe if he wants one?”You asked.She giggled,adding a layer of glittery nail polish to your toenails. “No,he has a truck if he wants food he can get it himself.”She answered,flopping her hand in a makeshift fan to make the polish dry faster.You giggled.

 “IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE JIM!”You exclaimed loudly.She smiled, “MILLIONS OF FAMILIES SUFFER EVERY YEAR!”she finished the quote.As soon as your nails dried she asked to do your hair,pulling you so that your back was against her chest. “Shit,dude,I really need new parents.Like imagine if Jim and Pam were my parents that would be fantastic.”You huffed as her fingers tugged lightly at your hair,trying to get rid of the small knots.She grinned,kissing the back of your neck lightly. “I could be like your dad and your mom...your dom!Shit-wait-NO!”She laughed,blushing.You leaned forward,laughing into your hands. “Sarah-oh my god!”You laughed,smacking her arm lightly.She pushed her hair behind her ears,dimples popping from her large smile.

Your laughter was interrupted by Rafe opening the door,phone in hand. “What do you guys want from dominos?”He asked.Sarah shrugged,not really caring. “Pineapple pizza and chocolate lava cakes,please.”You grinned.He nodded,shutting the door.Sarah got back to styling your hair,fingertips grazing your scalp as she braided your hair into sections,twisting them all together to create a bun,smiling at her creation. “You look so cute right now.”She grinned.You leaned your head back so your could see her properly,kissing her nose. “Love you.”You grinned. “I love me too.”She answered,making you laugh again.

@poguestyleskye @jjtheangel @copper-boom  @outerbongs

Chapter Four of  The Surfer And The Siren  is being posted tomorrow!

If you’d like to be tagged in all future JJ imagines/headcannons/series comment with a heart,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Pope imagines/headcannons/series comment with a smiling face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Rafe imagines/headcannons/series comment with a frowning face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Kiara imagines/headcannons/series comment with a question mark and if you’d like to be tagged in all future Sarah Cameron imagines/headcannons/series comment with a plus sign.Or if thats too complicated you can just comment whose name you’d like to be tagged in.

[the-cry-of-youth]

Blowing Smoke ~ Javier Peña

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader (no y/n)

Warnings: implied/references to sex, slight angst, mentions drug use, mentions overdose, fluff, smoking (obviously, its Javi)

rating: Teen

a/n: I’ve really gotten into narcos recently, and have not finished it yet, so it might be slightly OOC for Javi, but oh well. also it discusses piercing and for the timeline to work, we are going to pretend that they were popular in the early 70′s

The air was filled with the sound of your panting and the soft clicks of Javi’s lighter as he lit his customary post-sex cigarette.

You move back to rest against the headboard as Javi tosses the lighter back on the bedside table, shifting to sit beside you on the bed. “Why didn’t we do this earlier?” you huffed out, sending a sideways glance at Javier, who just chuckles and shakes his head in response as he takes a drag of his cigarette.

“We probably would have if Carrillo and Steve weren’t on our asses 24/7.” He replied as he blew the smoke across the room.

“Those cockblocks.” you muttered, reaching to take the cigarette out of Javi’s hand. The pattern continued for a while, light banter and quips exchanged between the two of you while sharing a cigarette. 

As you take a long drag of the cigarette, Javi takes the time to really examine your face. Being co-workers, he finds that this is the first time he can really memorize your features without getting odd looks from the aforementioned co-workers. His eyes flick over the marks he’s left on our neck and collarbone, realizing you’ll have a heck of a time trying to cover those up for work tomorrow. His eyes sweep up to your face as you blow out a cloud of smoke, taking in the way your face slowly starts to lose its red flush from the strenuous activities of prior moments. 

You let the nicotine wash over you as your head leans back to rest against the headboard. After a moment of taking in the feeling, you peek your eye open and glance sideways at Javi, noticing he’s been staring at you, yet you keep the silence comfortable. “You know, I’ve never noticed that little hole in your nose before” he stated after a moment of shared eye contact.

“Yeah, used to have a piercing in my nose, but had to come out due to the dangers of it getting caught on something during work,” you stated. He gave you a mildly surprised look, encouraging you to continue with your little story. “I had a little rebellious streak when I was growing up. You know, Seattle has quite the alternative scene, one that's convenient enough to annoy some overbearing parents.” 

He had a look of mild surprise at hearing about your teenage adventures summarized so quickly. “Oh, please do elaborate a little bit more, I feel this may be a bit of an entertaining story.” reaching for the cigarette still in your grasp, he adjusts so his body is turned slightly more towards you, awaiting the rest of the story.

“Fine, I’ll tell you the rest, but you have to make sure none of this gets back to Steve or Carrillo, I’m not sure I'd ever hear the end of how a DEA officer was such a rule-breaker.”

“You have my word, none of this gets repeated around them, or anyone else for that matter.” Javi promises as he holds up his right hand in a mock vow. You chuckle at this gesture, then adjust so you are facing more towards Javi and you prepare to tell the rest of your story.

“As you may have heard me mention time to time, my parents were overbearing, to the point where I couldn't leave the house without them seeing exactly who I was with, and I had to call them by pay phone at least twice while I was out.” you took the cigarette from Javier’s hand again to take a long drag.

“You might as well keep that, I just light myself another.” he said as he reached over at the bedside table to grab the carton and zippo. 

You continue talking as he lights it, “so naturally, what does one do with parents like this? You show them you can't be controlled obviously. I started hanging out with seedier people, getting involved in some less desirable crowds, and showing your parents they had no control anymore. The amount of times I would come home covered in hickeys just to make my parents mad was more than I’d like to admit.” you scratch the back of your neck as you mention your past endeavours, embarrassed to be admitting this to your lover. “Of course, my friends persuaded me into getting a few piercings to really stick it to my parents, so that's how I ended up with this little hole in my nose, and I might have pierced some more adventurous places.”

Now, that little admission had piqued Javi’s interest. “Did you take those out too? Because I sure as hell didn't notice any earlier.” he exclaimed before taking a long drag from the cigarette.

“Yes I did, but say the word and they’ll go back in,” you winked as you suggested. “But here where the story takes a real turn. As I mentioned, these ‘friends’ were kind seedy, so naturally some of the stuff they were involved in was illegal. Now I’m ot talking murder level illegal, just some tresspassing and maybe some Mary Jane. I will admit, that stuff works a lot better than cigarettes, but I’m not risking it again for that stuff.” Now Javi seemed mildly surprised that you, a DEA officer, helping with the war on drugs in Columbia, just admitted to using one of the substances that they were working on containing. “And before you start judging me about using, there's a reason why I'm in the DEA now and not out on the street.”

Javi just raised both his hands, exclaiming “hey man, I'm not judging, we all come from somewhere.” you take this quick break from talking to just enjoy the company and embrace the grip on nicotine again. Javi finally speaks up, “so how’d you end up here and not somewhere that would have made your parents angry?”

You consider his question for a moment before elaborating. “ well you see, my parents still aren't happy about this job. You know that their only daughter being out in Columbia trying to pick off the world's largest narcotics exporter isn't exactly a job that ensures we’ll be safe.” you take another drag before continuing the story. “All of us were our one night, doing the typical activities of our group, when one of the group members started reacting bad to his joint. I assumed it was an overdose and instantly urged someone to run and call for help, but they were scared of running into the cops.” this memory caused you to take a quick break from talking. Javier must have noticed the slight hitch in your breath as you were beside him, as he reached over and brought you into his side, resting your head against his shoulder as you curled into him, cigarette still in hand.

“You know, you don't have to continue, you can leave it there and I won't ask questions.” Javi said as he stroked the side of your arm. You took this time to compose yourself, relishing in the gentle embrace of your co-worker turned lover.

“No, I’ll finish the story. It’s something that I need to learn to talk about.” you reasoned, taking your free hand and resting it on his chest as you adjusted in his grasp. “Now, having a possible overdose situation is scary enough with other people, but when they all leave you, man, there's nothing like it at seventeen. I didn't want to leave him alone, so I dragged him down the block to the payphone on the corner and called the police. They came and picked me up for use while calling an ambulance for my friend. The car ride scared the shit out of me, to the point that I gave in and apologised to my parents for everything when they picked me up from the station.”

Javi just kept me in his hold as we exchanged gentle caresses, breathing in the smoke and tobacco. “So, you got picked up, then decided to just join enforcement?”

You chuckled a little at this statement, “well it was really the experience of almost having a person die on my watch due to substances that had been laced is what really got me into enforcement, but mostly interested in the DEA offices.” you let out a small yawn as it was getting progressively later into the night. You tilted your head up a bit and kissed the underside of Javi’s jaw. “Thank you for listening to me ramble, I’ve never told anyone that before.” you shared as you brought your head back down to his chest. 

He leaned down and kissed your forehead, mustache brushing against your skin. “Of course, I’ll always be here to listen.” you take in another drag from the cigarette before humming in response, not having finished the cigarette unlike Javi, who had been huffing it during your story telling. 

An idea sparked into your head as you looked at the cigarette. “You wanna see something cool?” you asked as you glanced up as Javi. He gave a curious nod. You bring the cigarette to your lips, taking in a long breath. You hold it as you plug both your nostrils, exhaling hard enough until some of the smoke comes out the small hole in the side of your nose, breathing the rest out of your mouth as you both chuckle. Javi reaches over and plucks the cigarette bud from your fingers to stub out in the ashtray before pulling you both under the covers to finally rest.

[hunnicute]

Rimster Prompts

@trekraider suggested: how would you envision the circumstances playing out if rimmer were in the cryo suspension instead and lister being the hologram? also bunkmate shenanigans are always good. or how they both have really weird habits, what if they tried to out-routine each other with really annoying shit until one of them cracks?

I think I might continue going with this one and eventually post it on AO3 but I didn’t want to leave you hanging for too long so here’s just a little bit of what I have so far:

This would be the last time, and Rimmer meant it. One more toenail that flew through his head onto his pillow and that was it. “Lister!” He shouted, sitting up. “Yeeahh,” the upper bunk resident replied, mouth full of his own foot. “I know better than to ask you to stop but could you please do that elsewhere? Preferable somewhere I’m not. Ever.” The hologram practically growled. Unfortunately his voice came out far too high pitched to be considered as such.

“Nah, see this place is already perfect,” Lister responded, “it’s got the perfect dent for me bum so I can keep me balance right.”

Rimmer scowled and stood up to face him. A decision he immediately regretted when he was faced with Lister, foot full in his mouth and somehow still grinning back at him. He let out a disgusted noise and practically flinched from the sight.

“Having to hear it is bad enough but must you spew them directly into my bunk?” Truthfully, Rimmer was rather baffled that Lister could throw his clipping off the top bunk and they some how managed to curveball themselves directly into the hologram’s below him.

“It’s not like I mean to drop them on you…” Lister said distractedly as he nibbled on his middle toe. Rimmer scowled and tried not to watch.

“Oh I’m sure Lister,” he shook his head and crossed his arms. “Well I suppose I’ll just have to add an extra shift to your duty roster for interrupting the rest of a superior technician!”

Lister lowered his foot and looked directly into Rimmer’s eyes. Then he spat a chunk of toenail through his nose.

Rimmer let out a revolted yelp. He gave Lister one last stinging glare before turning on his heels and stalking, straight backed out of their bunk room. Lister let out a howl of laughter after him.

That was it… Rimmer thought.

~~~

Lister thought of himself as a pretty amiable guy. There wasn’t really a lot that got under his skin so to speak. Not like his roommate Rimmer that was for sure. The dead git could complain about anything, and he did. Truth be told, Lister quite enjoyed riling him up. After all what was the harm? Holly had brought Rimmer back to hologrammatic life for the sole purpose of keeping Lister sane. As entertainment, just for him. So why not have a laugh at Rimmer’s expense? He made it so easy.

The thing that made it so worth while for Lister was really there wasn’t much that Rimmer did that truly annoyed him back. However, Rimmer really seemed to be trying to stretch his amiable nature today.

Drills had been a regular part of life on Red Dwarf, although not so regular that they got unbearable. For some reason, Rimmer had decided to revive the drills they’d experienced when the crew was alive. And since they hadn’t been practicing them for quite some time, he’d also decided to make sure they were caught up.

Almost a year’s worth of drills. And Rimmer had packed them into one day.

“Emergency, emergency, there’s and emergency going on-“ “No there isn’t Hol!” Lister shouted frustratedly. “It’s just the smegging git making sure I can’t have a moment’s peace!”

Lister stuck defiantly to his bunk, using a pillow to cover his ears as klaxons blared and the red emergency lights flashed throughout the ship.

“All the same Dave,” the head responded, “you’ve got to vacate the room. Soon there won’t be any oxygen in here.”

“And what if I don’t,” Lister bit back indignantly, “you just gonna let me die then, Holly?”

“Sorry Dave, Arnold’s put the emergency systems on manual override for the drills. There’s nothing I can do,” Holly responded, sounding, as always, completely uninterested.

“Smeg,” Lister grumbled as he jumped down from the bunk. He grabbed his pillow, folding it over his ears once more.

“Bunkroom doors will be sealed in 30 seconds,” the computer droned on. “Please evacuate all living quarters on the deck.”

“I swear if I could get my hands on him…”

“Ten, nine, eight…”

Lister clambered out of the bunkroom just as the door slid shut behind him. Holding the pillow to his head, he set off down the hallway on his way to the control room.

When he got there Rimmer had the scutters lined up at the console. pressing all the buttons that he couldn’t. In the corner, Cat had multiple hair related tools plugged into a socket, with other accessories spread all of the console surface. Good to know Rimmer wasn’t so heartless as to leave him alone in an area of the ship that could lose oxygen at any moment with his ridiculous drills going on.

“Rimmer!” Lister shouted over the alarms and Holly’s voice.

“Ah, Lister!” Rimmer turned around to face him, smile on his face. “What are you doing here? This isn’t your designated area for fire drills! Technicians are to report to cargo bay 15 in the event the fire suppression system is activated. You’ve gone in completely the wrong direction, miladdo.”

Lister didn’t dignify him with a response. Instead he leaned over the scutters and smashed a fist down on the button console that was controlling the drills.

“That is insubordination Lister!”

“Six hours,” Lister began after dropping his pillow to the ground. “Six smegging hours you’ve been at this Rimmer!”

Lister was in no mood for playing games. He had no patience left for Rimmer’s little stunts today.

“I am only trying to keep the ship safe Lister, we’re over a year behind on our drills and-“

“RIMMER!”  Lister shouted, bringing his face up close, their noses only an inch away. “SHUT. UP.”

The effect was as Lister intended it seemed. Rimmer flinched away from his words, but still stood stiffly.

“Come on boys,” Lister turned to the scutters. The followed after him as he picked up his pillow and headed out of the drive room.

Suddenly noticing he and Rimmer were the only ones left the Cat let out a howl.

“Hey monkey brain! Little robot hands! You can’t leave me alone with him,” The Cat made a face at Rimmer who was standing sourly in the same position as Lister left him. Dramatically Cat gathered up his many beauty products and ran out the same door as Lister had, letting out a loud “Yeeeeeow!”

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Mount Everest Ain’t Got Shit On Us (Fezco x fem!reader, Part 2.)

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you’ll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like the scary example of what will happen when you don’t obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: I think we found the right ground for this... Something (it ain't one shot but I don't know if we can call it series either, we'll see). I like to start with something like Rue did - a bit of narrating and then slowly slipping into the "episode". Let me know if something will not add up for you, ok?

Word count: 2.5 K

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety and drug addiction, strong LBGT themes, age gap, Rue's maniac/bipolar episodes. The normal things.

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Sometimes the feeling of not belonging somewhere grows over your head so much that you actually feel like you don't belong anywhere, to no one. That you don't even have a place to come back to. It is scary to go through a place alone when all those people look at you because they see for the first time. It feels like they are whispering things about you, that they are laughing at you and you can feel the anxiety inside of you growing. 

It hurts. It hurts so much that you just want to crawl onto the toilette cab, sit there and cry to your own knees until it's over.

Those shared looks judging your appearance, your looks, your make-up or your old favorite shoes. Those are the things that slowly kills you from the inside.

The people smoke there even tho they shouldn't, snorting because of some jokes,  looking all cool and chilled and for you, it is a walk of shame. Your head is kept down and you continue to the building at a quick pace, hoping that you will not be too exciting for them. And it doesn't matter if it's a new workplace, new school or a new home for seniors for that matter. It's the same over and over again.

A neverending cycle.

To find the office where you had to pick up the paperwork that needed to be done and taking your schedule was probably the hardest thing you have ever done. It felt almost impossible. The crowd and groups of people your age took you from one side of the building to the another and you felt so lost. Like never before. 

The door finally appeared after first class already started. When you slowly stepped into that small room, you looked like a mess. It was a small room with one window, it's walls were calmingly green and the pictures and motivational posters with kittens made you grin.

An old lady smiled at you from behind the desk. She appeared to be a kind person. It comforted you a bit, sitting in her office, looking her to her hazel-brown eyes with the last bit of confidence you were able to find somewhere inside of you.

“So you are new here, I see, I see.” - Mrs. Smith told you when she prepared the papers for your parents to sign up and printed you your own class schedule. Her heart-shaped face lit up with a smile when she leaned closer to you. - “Don't worry about being late. No one showed you around and you could find me anyway. It is totally fine if you will be lost in this building for the first couple of days, sweetie. You need to learn a lot.” - Her fingers patted your wrists knitted together tightly. You accidentally exhaled out loud because you held your breath again, smiling at her lazily. 

“Hope that the professors won't be mad.” - A giggle came out of your mouth and Mrs. Smith stood up to brew you some tea. 

“You can be here for until the end of your first class if you’re so scared. You seem to be feeling uncomfortable, am I right?” - She gave you the cup, sugar to add-in and a cookie. Your head nodded. - “I am a granny of two, I can sense when you don’t feel good."

A couch in the corner was the place you chose to chill at. You sat in a small ball there with your knees crossed over each other, your earbuds plugged into the small jack on the top of your phone and sometimes you sipped a bit of the tea.

The feeling of melancholy took over you as you went through the new post on Instagram made by people who you were used to seeing daily. Once again, you felt like you didn't belong to that place, like on a short trip to Disneyland. But this trip was permanent. And the harder the reality dropped on your shoulders, the worse you felt.

You couldn't say that you hate this whole place. You liked it, it was a normal city, normal neighborhood, nothing too weird. But that little worm of knowing that you're not at home anymore was keeping that feeling alive. For a few moments, your eyes and your mind drifted away into a place far away in your head.

The bell-ringing was a sound you almost welcomed. It brought you back to reality, leaving Mrs. Smith's little office. It made your mind occupied with different things, your nose shoved into the piece of paper with the schedule. Mrs. Smith was kind enough to print you a map of the school and gave you how you should go. That was a thing that made you smile. Kindness. Random kindness from a woman who saw a strange girl for the first time. It was her job most probably but you were thankful for it either way.

Sometimes all of us feel like a hero of a novel or a movie. The days slowly become on a long, neverending surreal piece of art as the faces and colors mash up into one painting. Your mind seems to be too occupied to actually take notice of something. Too occupied to take a hold of itself and you drift away into places far, far away.

You couldn't seem to remember or recall a single word the teachers have said to you. And they seemed to ignore you as well, it was like a symbiosis. Why should they be excited about you? A new face in the crowd was not that interesting to ask for a name. It was just one face between many ones. Why should they care? Your face wasn't anything that has the power to change the whole world. Or your name.

First moments you actually took notice of were when you made it to the cafeteria. Nobody looked at you anymore. You just took your plate and ordered some food like a normal student. 

A table in the back of the cafeteria felt ideal for you. You sat there with your lunch and ate, just watching the others and looking though your notebooks and what have you written down. To your surprise, your hand wrote automatically for you and there were truly some pieces of information written down in your typical messy handwriting.

"Hey, loser. Why you're alone?" - A girl's voice asked you in a cocky manner. At first, you thought that it's finally here - your first bully. But when your eyes found her face, she seemed to be strangely kind with a cocky smile and raised eyebrows. Messy brown curls framed her face while her skin had the color of darkened caramel. Your clothing style was really similar - but her Converse shoes were all tied up and not torn.

She had a tall girl next to her. Her make-up was heavy, her hair was a color extravaganza and her clothing style reminded you of anime cosplay and San Diego's comic con. Her skin was almost white, Albin-ish or what. Something made her really pretty. Whether it was her large nose or her eyes, you couldn't tell. But she seemed nice, her presence felt nice as well even tho you saw her for the first time ever. Her lips were giving you a graceful smile, she rolled her eyes at the brunette's questions and then she pinned her eyes on you.

"Fuckin' hell, I'm just kiddin', girl. You're lookin' all like holy shit I'm busted, like in the series about that cheating bastards. Oh man, you should see yourself. But you're sitting at our table." - The brunette said less cockily and more jokingly, slowly sitting down with her food.

"Does that mean I should leave?" - Your voice trembled and you sound panicked. Brunette took a good, long look at you and the other girl sat next to her.

"Of course you can stay! Don't be angry about Rue. She's a pain in the ass when she has her episodes. Right now, we're in the manic phase so she won't shut up. And she has mean comments that don't make sense most of the tomes." - The girl with pretty the make-up offered her hand for a handshake and you accepted it. - "Name's Jules by the way. That's Rue." - Just as Jules said Rue's name, Rue managed to pull of Eminem's old rapping pose from one of his album covers and nodded at you with a weird cocky smile.

"Wazzup', newbie?" - Rue said with a high laugh while Jules looked like she's about to kill her in the next few moments.

"I'm Y/N." - You said quietly and Jules let go of your hand.

"Ya all brand new out 'ere, aren't ya?" - Rue entwined her fingers on the table and you looked you dead in the eye, being serious all of a sudden. Like a detective. -"She thinks she's like Morgan Freeman or what when she has her phases. A detective or what." - Jules laughed.

"But Morgan Freeman is the man, Jules. Just the man. He's all cool and shit." - Rue laughed at her. Those two seemed to be a funny pair of... Friends? A couple? You couldn't tell. They acted like friends, but they looked at each other with tender smiles. You could only guess.

“What did bring you this part of the world? Adventure or lousy parents?” - Jules gave you a slight smirk and playfully raised her eyebrows.

“Dads work brought us here. But I and my siblings are kinda cool about all of that. We can have a new experience.” - You shrugged your eyebrows and took a bite of your sandwich. 

“If you're looking for a drug paradise, ya are right where ya wanted to be, whaddayasay?” - Rue wiggled her eyebrows and opened her yogurt, sticking her spoon inside of it, drolling some pills into the vanilla pudding with her long, delicate yet strong fingers. Your eyes instantly popped out and your it almost fell out as you watched the pills. 

“What. The. Hell?” - You squealed in a high pitched tone and rose her eyebrows, asking you about what is the matter.

 “I have BPAD, what did ya expect, man? This is the better way to take the medication. Ya want me to gulp all of it or what?” - Rue said in a joking tone, she was ironic, but she gave you that addict look. 

“Trust me, I searched through her bag. This is really only the medication for her BD. It's cool. No drugs.” - Jules assured you. You nodded slowly with a frown on your face. Could Rue had some history with addiction? Or what was Jules talking about? You watched the way Rue slowly mixed her pudding. 

“Just the way I love it.” - Rue hummed happily with her eyes closed. She had a tired look on her face, the bags under her eyes made her gaze look more devilish and her cheeks were too sharp. But she had a beautiful mouth and full lips. 

“If you don't mind a pair of weirdos as your friends, we agreed we could make a trio out of our duo. But we are something between girlfriends and friends so I just want to warn before any weird situations happen.” -  Jules put her head on Rue's shoulder and smiled happily. 

“After ten minutes you know me? Wow, that was a quick one.” - You joked and Rue pointed on you with her spoon. 

“Ten minutes is everything you need to know if a person is a dickhead - trust me, I would know if you're a super dickhead. Ya seem to be cool.” - Rue winked. Was the situation that bad in here? Just ten minuted to know if a person is a dickhead? That was something. 

So what was in stock for you? An ex-junkie with a BPAD and an all-anime-about girl who looked like a colorful extravaganza. Better than a jock with his nose rose up and an attitude of a dickhead or a chick with anorexia you thought to yourself. As always you were lost in your head for a moment - thinking about Rue's disorder. They told you that Rue is in her manic state, how was she like during her depression moments? Will it be alright? 

“Okay. Cool.” - You said in the end. New people and new friends, just as your older sis said. It felt really cool. 

“Welcome to the losers club.” - Rue winked at you playfully. 

At three p.m. Fran waited on you and your brother in the car. You stuck with Rue and Jules for the rest of your day, Rue's manic ass making you laugh all day. You didn't find her bickering and manic shit annoying at all, you laughed at it a lot actually. Both of you walked you back to your sister's car, do not letting your anxiety get over your head. 

“See ya tomorrow, the new one.” - Rue giggled and threw her hand over her girlfriend's shoulder and brought her closer to her small, thin body, hugging her tightly.

“See you tomorrow, guys.” - You smiled and crawled into Fran's car. Your sis was smiling at you proudly, waving to Rue and Jules. You could feel that Fran is excited about that. You lean from the car's window and waved at them excitedly. Rue was dramatic, holding her entwined palms on her chest, sending you some kisses and pretending to cry. 

“I told you, shithead. You have friends! Nice!” - Fran patted your upper thigh and grinned in front of you. You two took the same route you took on your way to school. 

The gas station came up to your sight quicker than it did before. Nobody was there this time - no smoking boy with a blue design t-shirt and jeans hugging his upper thigs. The spot which came significant to you that morning was empty now, no boy in your sight. 

“What you're lookin' at, shithead? Some magical place you're searching for? You did the exact same thing in the morning.” - Fran told you quietly, lighting up her cigarette before mom could see her smoking. 

“Nothing. Let it be.” - You smiled at her shily and sat back to your seat. 

The feelings of loneliness can be a long time thing. But sometimes, just sometimes and when you are really lucky, someone can show you wour place and make you feel like someone cares about you. You can meet new, special people who take you as you are. 

And when you are this lucky, nothing can be better than that. But not to give you false promises - it isn't a thing that does happen every time. 

[ask-the-good-creeps]

You can open up if you'd like

TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPT MENTIONS. DEPRESSION MENTIONS. MENTAL HEALTH MENTIONS. DO NOT READ IF THESE THINGS COULD NEGATIVELY AFFECT YOU.

 Okiedokes, mi amigos. The following story happened years ago, but it still comes up in my mind a lot; and I feel like sharing the experience may benefit someone going through a rough patch and/or yield a bit of insight to y’all about why I think the way I do. If you decide to read further, please read it to the end.

 So, this story begins with my first year of university. I was nineteen years old, fresh out of the Arizona foster care system, and had a history of mental health issues (official diagnoses from the psychologists I saw was PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, and Bipolar Disorder Type II – all of which triggered and fed into each other) that I was medicated for at that point in my life.

 Things were going well for the first year…I made friends, I joined clubs and events, had an on-campus work study job, and was pulling decent grades in my classes. Then, the year ended and summer rolled around. I volunteered to spend my summer on-campus as a Resident Advisor for the university’s honors outreach program (where we brought 7th-9th graders to the campus for 2-week programs to give them a taste of college life and encourage them to come to us after high school, pretty much).

 To anyone on the outside looking in, things looked like they were going great for me. In my eyes, everything was going great. Except for one thing…my grade hadn’t posted in one of my classes for the semester, and I didn’t do to well on the final (in my opinion). I was slightly worried that I was going to fail the class – looking back now, that was a ridiculous worry because I was doing great in the class and the professor was a really cool dude that usually didn’t fail students unless they put in literally zero effort throughout the semester.

 But, I worried nonetheless.

 Even then, it didn’t feel like a big deal to me…what I didn’t realize is that subconsciously it was the straw that broke the camel’s back for my mental health.

 You see, being in foster care as a teen is Hell. Especially in Arizona. One of the things they drill into the heads of teens in “the system” is that we’re absolute failures who will drop off the map and end up leading miserable lives after we age out of foster care (probably because they don’t teach us the necessary life skills to survive outside of their care, but I digress…that’s another story for another day).

 In the group homes, I was the kid that stayed out of trouble and got straight-A’s in school. I was the kid who never smoked, drank alcohol, or tried drugs not even once in my life. I was the one that kept climbing and got accepted into university on full scholarship after high school. So, I was the one that all those adults of the foster care system used as an example…the one who had extremely high expectations on their shoulders as a result.

 So, when the grade for that class finally posted online and was not an A like my other classes (it was a C), it was the end of the world to my mind. I didn’t realize it when it happened, but seeing that grade made a thread of stability quietly snap behind the scenes where I couldn’t see it.

 As a result, I had a rogue thought.

 Now, when it comes to my thinking patterns, there is always a clear…well, pattern. If I’m thinking about my Great Aunt Vickie’s cat, for example, I can recognize that I started thinking about her because I thought of a funny cat story that was something similar to what Vickie’s cat did; and I can recognize that I thought of that funny cat story because I saw a cat meme on the internet yesterday; and so on, and so on, until I find the real-life stimulus that triggered the whole line of thinking.

 Rogue thoughts are a whole different matter entirely. Unlike my usual thinking patterns, these rogue thoughts just show up without any noticeable stimulus or previous thinking…and that makes them dangerous for someone like me, who has learned to control my depression through CBT and recognizing when my thought patterns are starting to get too negative for me.

 I returned to my apartment in between summer outreach programs (we had a few days to recoup between each 2-week session) and that’s when the rogue thought in question appeared.

 “Kill yourself.”

 That was the thought. It was not linked to any depressive thinking patterns, it was just there. It didn’t feel like a big thing, just another item on my to-do list for the short break I had. Had I been more used to rogue thoughts and encountered a similar one to this in the past, I would have thought more about it.

 I would have recognized that this thought may have popped into my conscious line of thought out of nowhere, but seen that it had deep roots in my subconscious thinking.

 But, I hadn’t had a rogue thought like this in the past.

 All of my previous suicidal ideations had patterns to trace back to in my conscious mind that allowed me to work through most of them without incident.

 So, I sat at my desk and started writing out a suicide note. It was very casual in tone, like a friendly farewell to my friends and family as opposed to being a depressing final record. I planned to jump off my apartment balcony the next day. After careful consideration, I decided that I would prefer my body to stay in one piece (my apartment was on the eighth floor, after all) and I opted to overdose on my medication instead.

 I had a little garden at my window, and I set the note there. I sent a quick text to my father that simply read, “My plants know the reason why.” I was prepared to take the pills…then my father called me.

 He was concerned, but I lied and said that I was just spouting random nonsense with the intent to confuse people (easily believable, as my catchphrase at the time seemed to be, ‘the pancakes fly at midnight and the waffles swim at dawn’ for some reason). He asked multiple times if I was alright, to which I always answered affirmatively. Then, the call ended.

 I went to my room and laid in bed. I put in my headphones and turned on my music. Then, I swallowed ten of my prescription pills (which I was only supposed to take one of every 24 hours, for reference). After that, I swallowed a literal handful of melatonin tablets I picked up OTC, because I didn’t want to be awake for the damage the prescription meds would do to my system.

 I laid back in bed with the music going, and passed out fairly quickly. However, the melatonin wasn’t enough to keep me unconscious as my body started trying to purge the pills in an act of self-preservation. I couldn’t open my eyes because every time I did, the room spun. I was throwing up a lot, and at one point when I leaned over the bedside to get it on the floor instead I lost my balance and faceplanted onto the ground (which I found out later had led to a broken nose). I didn’t even feel it, just the pain my insides were going through as I faded in and out of consciousness.

 Here’s where it gets interesting, reader. It was night by now, and the lights in my room were off. The livingroom light was on and it shined in through the crack under my closed (and locked) bedroom door. Even if I could open my eyes, it wasn’t enough light to see by.

 Yet, it wasn’t my eyes that detected anything. I felt a presence in my room with me, there in the dark. It felt like I knew this person, as if they were a close friend, despite the fact that I had no idea who they were. I remember asking this person,

 “Do I still have enough of the poison left in my system to kill me?”

 To which I received their reply:

 “No. You’ve coughed enough of it up. You’re going to be alright.”

 I cracked my eyes open ever so slightly and saw a flashing blue light shining up at the ceiling every so often. It was a notification light on my phone, which I had left plugged in to charge on the dresser next to my bed.

 My goal here was to die, not to suffer. Since this person there with me insisted I wasn’t going to die, I reached out with my eyes still closed a couple times. I managed to grab my charge cord and pull my phone off the dresser and to the floor next to me.

 It took a couple tries to dial emergency services (911) because I couldn’t keep my eyes open very well, but eventually I got an operator on the line and managed to briefly explain why I called in between bouts of vomiting.

 The paramedics came in. They asked me what I had overdosed on, how many pills I’d taken, and when I took them. I answered with the name of my med, that I had taken ten times my normal dose, and that I didn’t check the time but it was still light out.

The paramedics didn’t believe me at first. One of them told me it was almost light out again now, and that taking that amount of that med meant I should not be alive still, let alone able to express semi-coherent thoughts. They didn’t believe me until they picked up my pill bottle and saw how many were gone.

 I was taken to the hospital and spent a few days recovering there. I had my eyes closed and was in and out of consciousness the whole time, so I’m still not sure exactly what they had to do to keep me alive (though I don’t remember getting my stomach pumped, and I think I heard someone say something about charcoal).

 On my third day there, I started to think on what happened and realized something. I still didn’t know who had been in that room with me. The paramedics had to get a key from the front desk when they arrived and go through two locked doors (my front door and my bedroom) to get to me. My apartment was on the eighth floor, so someone coming in through the (also locked) window was out of the question.

 I didn’t recognize the person’s voice, so I chalked it up to my brain treating me to reverse psychology through an auditory hallucination to keep me alive. Though, that is just a theory.

 So, dear reader, you’re probably wondering why I decided to share this story. Well, it’s not really the story that I wanted to share, but what I learned from the experience.

 I learned that suicide is not a proper course of action, no matter the circumstances. 

I learned that we cannot die before it is our time – the universe will intervene. 

I learned that I have plenty of people who care (though very few of them know why I was in the hospital in 2015). 

I learned that stress is not to be taken lightly (subconsciously I had been super stressed about my C-grade and the implications that I was a failure because of it, and also because of everything loaded on my plate) and it must be handled in a healthy way. 

I learned how to say ‘no’ to avoid putting too much on my plate.

 Most importantly, I learned about freeing myself from the expectations of others. You see, my friend, you will meet many people throughout your life that are important to you that have expectations of you. Family, friends, teachers, mentors, and so on…and you may be worried about disappointing them, as I once was. But please understand that only your own expectations for yourself truly matter, and if you try to please everyone else you’ll end up in a really tight spot. Learn to let go of what they want and pursue your own passions and dreams (preferably before you end up going to university for a major you aren’t even fond of, like I did).

 Lastly, If you feel or think in any capacity that suicide is something you should do, I encourage you to think twice, and reach out openly and honestly with what you’re experiencing to someone you trust in your life or to a Mental Health/Suicide Prevention hotline. If you feel like you have nowhere else to turn, I’m here.

 As someone who almost became a statistic, believe me…I understand.

[shadowofthelamp]

Needle and Thread

Oh yeah, I didn’t post this here. So, for my LGBT lit summer class one of the options for our project was a short story, so I wrote a human au Tulix thing. The teacher said she liked the ‘creative names’, pffft.)

Wordcount: 4000

Warnings: Mentions of dead animals/dissection

It started with a dead squirrel, a swiss army knife, and a bag of mints.

Tulip Bennett had only just begun going to East Side Middle School since her old foster home had belonged to the district across town. When she was adopted, she got a new house and a new dad, but also a new school, new people to deal with- and folded under that, new school weirdos.

“Look, I don’t know if anyone’s told you yet.” It had been conferred on her in harsh whispers- the harshest that could come from a fellow sixth-grader, one named Samantha in hot pink and pigtails. “Stay away from Nebula, the girl with the overalls.”

“Nebula? That’s a cool name.”

“Trust me, the girl it comes with isn’t. Her family is weird- the mom always walks around in a lab coat that’s got something red on the bottom half, and the dad killed somebody once!”

“Killed somebody?”

“That’s what Dave says!” And her tone left no argument- what Dave said must be law, to the twelve-year-olds that had been dwelling in these halls years before she had. “Just keep away if you don’t wanna get hurt.” 

Tulip had nodded and gone about the next week or so getting only glances of the girl at lunch where she usually had her thick glasses buried in a thick book. From a distance, she just kind of seemed… like a nerd. Which wasn’t intimidating. She kind of wore black a lot, sure, but that wasn’t much. Tulip didn’t see why everyone seemed so scared of her. If there was one thing she was good at, though, it was floating around to plug herself into different groups. Her pastel dress, round shape, fluffy red hair, and quiet demeanor were camouflage, allowing her to slip in and ask questions in a soft way that usually got answered.

“Why don’t people like her?” 

“She brought a bunch of live beetles into class last year. One got on my arm and she started yelling at me when I pushed it off. Like it mattered if I squashed a bug.”

“Have you seen those gloves she wears? They’ve got blood on them!”

“Look, she’s tearing something open right now!” At that, Tulip turned, squinting. Sure enough, there was a blueish huddle on the corner of the playground. Her hair was bundled up in a bun that resembled a haystack atop her head. 

She kind of looked like Alex had at the house before last, the boy who used to eat worms, and he was actually nice when she got to know him, so Tulip brushed her skirt and made a decision. 

“I’m going to talk to her.”

“Didn’t you hear me?”

“Mhm, but I’m gonna say hi. If she’s mean, I’ll leave.” It seemed like a fine plan to her, even as the other girls called out in protest. 

“She’s just going to stab you!”

“You don’t know what you’re doing!”

Tulip tuned them all out, crossing the blacktop like it was an ancient battleground from the games Eliza had played at the table in the Grant house. Tulip had liked the little blue fairy figure and took a moment to pretend now, borrowing her bravery. After all, she’d been at the school a week already and had managed only to float around on the outskirts of tightly-knit friend groups, a lone tumbleweed in this middle-school desert. If she was a floater, Nebula was in another galaxy, and that just wouldn’t do. If she was mean, then Tulip could always just leave her be. She didn’t like judging books by their covers, especially when those covers had gooey-sweet chocolatey insides the way some of her foster siblings had.

Besides, she was skinny enough to look like she’d snap like a twig, so she couldn’t be that bad compared to Tulip’s few self-defense classes at the mall. She’d already dug her small ziplock baggies of mints out by the time she reached Nebula and put on a winning smile. “Hi there.”

“Huh?” Nebula turned, eyes huge and buggy under her glasses with a color that kind of looked like the glow-in-the-dark star stickers Tulip’s dad had put up on her ceiling. The glasses themselves were… what were they called, cat eyes? They kind of gave her the look of an inquisitive alien. Now that she was up this close, Tulip could see a little piece of purple plastic settled inside her left ear. She raised an eyebrow. “Who’re you?”

“I’m Tulip. I’m new here.”

Nebula squinted. “Hi, Tulip. I like your name.”

She beamed. “Thank you! Do you like flowers?”

“Uh-huh. I’ve got a big garden back home, and I bury the bodies in it.”

Tulip’s beaming dropped a few watts, and her smile fell for a moment before she forced it wider again. “The… bodies?”

Nebula scooted over, revealing- oh, oh, that was gross. She had a knife in one plastic-gloved hand, the blade splattered with deep red, and the fingers of her other gloved hand were deep in the guts of a gnat-swarmed dead squirrel. “Like these. They’re all over once you know where to look, and it helps the soil grow stuff better.” She smiled, a surprisingly genuine one. “That’s what Papa says, and I’ve seen it works.”

“You… kill squirrels for-“

“Psh, I don’t kill them.” Nebula waved the knife. “I find them. Usually, some other animal killed ‘em.” She pointed at the squirrel’s skull with the point of the knife. “This one? Probably a cat, it has teeth marks in the crushed skull. Last week someone got a rabbit with a BB gun but just left it to die.” She clicked her tongue. “I don’t know why they let them suffer like that.”

“You like dead animals… to feed your plants?” Tulip asked, still not willing to get any closer. 

Nebula nodded. “Uh-huh. I mean, I like knowing how stuff works in general but- you ever seen the Lion King? Circle of life, big loud musical number?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s like that.” She lifted the squirrel up. “The squirrel eats the plants, then the plants eat the squirrel.”

That… made a sort of sense, if she thought about it. “Everybody seems scared of you.”

“Everybody seems like a wuss,” Nebula said with a shrug. “Who needs them?” She grinned again. “I like you, though. You haven’t run away yet.”

“Yet?”

“Most people do. I’m used to it.” 

Tulip took a deep breath and sat down next to her, holding out her bag of mints. “Well, that’s no way to go through life.”

Her smile dropped a little. “Huh?”

“Tell me about your plants.”

“You- want to listen to me?” Her voice cracked slightly, and Tulip could hear something pained behind it, a kicked kitten that had grown claws. She’d heard it before in kids who were about to age out, who were used to being pushed aside. 

“I do.”

Nebula lit up like a supernova and snatched the bag, stripping off her glove to grab a mint. 

__________

It had come easier, after that. Nebula talked fast and thought even faster, with a laugh that tickled Tulip up her spine and back down again. It didn’t sound like bells or a piano or any of the other pretty ways she’d heard laughs described, it was like a needle. Quick, sharp, and liable to puncture passerby but help repair a bad day if she only threaded it first. 

Over the days, she got to talking about her parents. They weren’t crazy, her mom was a butcher and her dad did experiments on animals for medicine. Tulip didn’t care much for that, but it was a far cry from murderers. Tulip’s dad was just an accountant.

“Hey, did I ever tell you what I did to Andrew?” She adjusted her glasses, shoving them up the bridge of her nose. Her eyes were so big behind them, like a galaxy all their own. 

“No, you haven’t.” Tulip sipped at her milk as she watched a beetle crawl up Nebula’s braid. She’d probably let it go come 3:15, but for now, Nebula just let it scurry up and burrow down in her hair like it belonged there. 

“Oh, man, I should have. So, he was making fun of my parents, right? Saying they’re ‘mad scientists’ and ‘I’m a freak’ and ‘where’s your witch hat’ and all that. Not very creative stuff. Well, I’ve got a bunch of beetle shells that I use for art at home, so I dunked one in glow-in-the-dark paint and stuffed it in his locker, with a note that said ‘with hate, from Nebula’.” She snickered. “He still thinks I’m a witch, and that was in third grade.”

“And you didn’t hurt him, right?”

Nebula waved a careless hand. “Pssh, of course not. It’s a lot more effective to creep people out over actually hurting them.”

Tulip chewed on her ham sandwich thoughtfully, hearing the lettuce crunch between her teeth. “Is there a… a reason you want to creep people out?”

“If everyone thinks I’m a freak, more time to do what I want, right?” She picked at her jello, watching it wobble and shake on the tray. “I don’t get a choice in how people see me, so I might as well give them what they want. It’s fun being the weirdo, sometimes.”

Tulip just blinked at that. “But why?”

“Why not?” Nebula countered. “You want to spend your life chasing after people who don’t really care about you?” She lifted her fork, shoving the gelatin into her mouth before shifting it over to her cheek, pointing the tines at Tulip. “I’ve seen how you float around like a ghost. You’re checked out of your own life because you’re so afraid someone won’t like you that you don’t get close enough to anyone that might.” She swallowed the dessert in her cheek, letting it settle as she stared.

“Isn’t it lonely, refusing to ever bend a little?” Tulip countered after a moment’s thought. Nebula gnawed on the inside of her mouth before sighing.

“Agree to disagree, Tutu. Agree to disagree.”

Sixth grade passed in a blur, with Nebula tugging her away during breaks to show her whatever new thing she was invested in that day. She slowly dialed back on showing off the dead animals when Tulip admitted they made her queasy and started talking about her plants, or her insects while they were still alive. She was the only person that Tulip had ever seen let a wasp crawl over the back of her hand without getting stung. 

That summer, they stomped around the bog behind the gas station, peat soaking their ankles as they captured frogs and let them go again after taking pictures. One of the girls from her scout troop invited her to a dance where they might see boys, but it just didn’t sound appealing to Tulip when she could swing Nebula around to creaky old songs from her dad’s record player, with her newly-made dresses spiraling around her knees. In July, Tulip began to sew in earnest- she’d liked piecing together odd arrangements of clothes from the thrift store before, but… 

‘Why are you wearing a Halloween costume?’

‘Spirit week with ‘ugly clothes day’ was last week, Bennett.’

It was easier to just go with simple dresses from the store. 

When Nebula had gotten a look at her closet, she’d immediately dug out the frankensteined skirts and haphazardly sewn tops and laughed. Tulip had been about to slam the door shut when she held one up.

“These are great! Why don’t you ever wear them?”

“Huh?”

She spun on her butt to hold the shirt up, owl-eyes squinting to superimpose it over Tulip’s body. “Not that I don’t like your pastels, they fit you, but these are so much more fun. Did you make them?”

“Well-”

“If they’re from some auntie that you feel like you can’t throw away, that’s fine. I just think they’re neat.”

“I thought you didn’t like girl’s clothes.”

“I don’t. That doesn’t mean I can’t tell what would look good on you.” Her cheeks darkened for a moment, and she shoved the shirt into Tulip’s hands. “Come on, I want to see you in it.”

“Neb…”

“You can’t just hide from me that you’re good at making stuff like this, I’m your best friend. It’s against the law,” Nebula declared.

“Like you care about the ‘law’,” Tulip snorted, but allowed herself to be pushed into the closet. It was easy enough to slide her shirt over her head, but… she fussed with the buttons on the old shirt. This was a bad idea. She tried to do it up, but it didn’t fit- her soft body oozed from the bottom, having gained some weight since she’d created the shirt years ago. She pulled it open again, looking around in the light from the slats. Freckles dotted her belly, and she felt almost like a puppet inhabiting her own milky skin. Her fingers fussed with the handmade shell necklace that rested just above her sternum before she pulled the shirt back off, grabbing the one she’d been wearing before and a vest she’d made with stretchier material. It was still tight, but not annoyingly so, and she knocked for Nebula to open the door.

When she did, the other girl grinned. “See? Told you.” A gloved thumb pointed lazily to the wall-mounted mirror, and Tulip twirled. It hugged her form, but in a way that felt… nice. She must have made it big- maybe for an older sister at the last house.

Nebula jokingly blew a kiss. “You’ll be the belle of the middle-school ball.”

Tulip bumped her with her hip, but her cheeks dotted pink.

After that, often when they met after school, Tulip would sew while Nebula talked, the machine doing the chattering for her on her desk, Sometimes, the needle had to be poised between her fingers when she needed a more delicate touch. Once, Nebula even asked her to show her how to sew- she was making taxidermied animals and ‘wanted to see if I could copy your steady hands’. It ended up a bit of a mess, but Nebula put it up on her bedside table anyway. She liked imperfection and just patted the little squirrel’s head with its corkscrewed eyes. “Besides, it’s more memorable this way.” She offered to make Tulip a mouse to watch her sew if she found any, and Tulip found herself agreeing.

In seventh grade, Tulip had started to drag her to her girl scout meetings, to try and make friends. Some of the other girls still shied away, but if quiet little Bennett liked her and had gone this long without getting a scalpel through her brain, maybe she wasn’t that bad. She lit up when they mentioned they were working on a gardening badge and offered them her assistance. 

They learned that it was best to talk on her right side because her hearing aid on the left didn’t always work, and her needle-sharp laugh melted with the new acquaintances like gallium- just as bright, but not as pointed. In fact, when she dug in the dirt with the other girls, overalls smeared with soil and flowers surrounding her wrists, the hard edges that made her smile a smirk began to melt too.

Eighth grade came and went, and the night before high school, they were doodling on opposite pages of Tulip’s big sketchbook, laid out on the floor. “I just feel like… everything’s changing,” Tulip muttered. 

“It doesn’t have to,” Nebula said, chewing on her pencil with brace-clad teeth. “You’ve still got me, and you’ve still got the scouts that haven’t dropped out, and I’ve got you.”

Tulip rolled over. She was wearing one of her favorite shirts-- Neb had picked out the fabric, with a pattern of stars that rounded her stomach in a way that made her feel big in a good way, like the whole universe lay underneath her skin. “How much?”

“Huh?”

“How much do I have you?”

Nebula turned, bouncing her foot on the ground. “C’mon, I’m not good with the mushy stuff…”

Tulip scooted a little closer. “You’re my best friend, Neb.” She set a hand on Nebula’s cheek, rubbing a smudge of dirt with her thumb, and felt the thin cheekbones heat up underneath her. 

“You’re… you’re mine too,” Nebula muttered. “I feel… comfortable. With you. Cozy. Is that weird? You’re a very cozy person, and you managed to get me other people to talk with me, which is a feat let me tell you-”

Tulip kissed her. She could taste the root-beer flavored chapstick, and the feel slight indent of her braces, and Nebula’s gangly limbs just starting to grow into themselves folded into her lap like a fawn’s.

Nebula pulled back, adjusting her glasses that had tilted askew, but the smile on her face was wide enough to reach the stars before she leaned in again and the world melted around them, nothing but the rich scent of soil and copper that clung to Nebula’s clothes and the sweet strawberry perfume that dusted Tulip, and everything felt like tying off the final stitch on a perfect project. 

[staytruetonorthch]

Perfect Ch. 1

A/N: I’m super anxious but here is my first official post. It’s just a single chapter around 4.5k. I plan on this being a pretty detailed, long-form story so if you like it, hang in there. I promise it’ll speed up once we get past exposition. I’m also highly aware of the switches from past/present tense, but I’m too tired to fix it and I’ve been so hesitant to post it’s either a now or never. I hope you guys enjoy <3

Football!Calum x Dancer!OC  

-----

"Don't make me come over there!" It may have looked like I was yelling into the racks of clothing and shoes in my closet, and to be honest, I might as well be. 

"You worry too much, Celley." I can hear the smile on my best friend, Brynn's face from my bed in the other room. 

"I do, but only because you don't give a fuck, B and I know those boys don't," I said, counting each person out on my fingers. "That's four people in, and not a single fuck is being given. Someone's got to, or nothing would get done." 

"You've got a point. The delivery was a little aggressive, but I'm moved nonetheless," Ash spoke up through Brynn's phone. 

"I'm cleaning as we speak, Cel. It's gonna be fine," Luke chimed in from the boys' side of the phone. 

"I can hear you lads playing FIFA," I said with an exasperated sigh.

We have a party planned at the boy's house tonight. A party I only had five hours to prepare, but that's the beauty of university, right? Spontaneity. All precautions to the wind. Everything that I never could be in high school and am still afraid to do today after a whole month of coursework. Don't ask me what I think might happen. Spontaneous combustion? Instantaneous death? A party that no one has fun at because I didn't have time to make an updated playlist or look up the actual rules for any drinking games? 

"Brynn, are you ready to go?" I ask, peeking my head out of my closet to look at her sprawled out across my bed. I can hardly see her underneath the excessive number of decorative pillows and thick white down cover.

"I just got so comfortable. I was actually contemplating taking a nap."

"Please," I plead, batting my lashes over large dewy eyes. It’s a trick I picked up after so many lyrical dances over the years. Direct eye contact with these watery eyes always left judges speechless.

"Ugh… fine, but I'm getting wasted tonight and sleeping in this wonderful bed. Have your asses in gear by the time we get there," she said, hanging up on the boys and throwing pillows haphazardly across the floor. I cringed at every one as it landed in the thick white carpet. I don't bother telling her that I hadn't expected the night to end any other way. I pull myself back into the closet, eyeing my options once more. I could either go with a red gingham top, or I could tie my white vogue tee shirt in the front for a more casual look. Both require a bra sadly.

"The red is trying too hard," Brynn said, leaning against the doorframe. "You can't pull out picnic bitch chic at a party."

"I guess you're right." I pull the tee over my head careful to avoid touching the thin white fabric to my made-up face. Once I had a knot secured at the base of my rib cage, I fluffed my hair as if it could get any bigger and smoothed out my denim skirt. "Shoe's and I'm good. What about you?" I said eyeing her in the reflection of my full-length mirror. She wore a white hoodie underneath black overalls and black high-top converse. Splitting her hair in half, she tied it up into multicolored space buns on top of her head. Brynn is the kind of girl who could put on mascara and chapstick five minutes before she left, and she’s effortlessly beautiful. Her freckles do most of the work across her nose and cheeks, making her insanely adorable.

"Done. Let's hit the road, Jack," she said, walking towards the door to my studio flat. I quickly replace the pillows back on the bed and turned off all the lights before joining her. She grabbed the keys to my Jeep, knowing I’m too preoccupied to drive us.

"Are we stopping at the store on the way or coming back out?"

"Stopping on the way. We just need paper towels, red cups, more ping pong balls because Mikey lost three of the last four, and snacks. I also found this recipe for a cool looking pink drink, but the boys are all stocked on beer."

"I almost hate the fact that I can't use my fake here. I spent good money and almost got arrested for something that's legal here." I smile, scrolling through my checklist one more time to make sure I didn't forget anything.

"Well that's your fault for not doing a simple google search before you came to uni in Aus."

"I'm just saying, in America, I would be a plug." She turned wide out into the street, speeding past every car. She has a bit of a lead foot.

"That one's lost on me, love." I try to keep up with her American slang, but I wasn't able to watch a lot of American shows or anything growing up, so I'm a little behind to put it gently.

She said she has a southern accent, but I can't tell any difference. Everything she says just sounds brutal to me. Shit slams, anything can pop off apparently, and a lot of good things burn. At least that's what I gather when she uses 'fire' and 'flames' as adjectives. 

I met Brynn at new student orientation. She seemed to be the only other one unamused by the school's welcoming parade meant to encourage school spirit, so as soon as our parents left, we left campus to explore the surrounding area locating the nearest shops and eating places. She was unlike any friend I had ever made swearing and speaking in riddles. I went to an all-girls catholic school filled to the brim with carbon copies of perfect people. We were second to none in both academics and clubs, which my parents loved, and Brynn was the absolute antithesis of that. She was a self- proclaimed 'thick' queen who was a pleasant deviance to the bird thin girls I was usually surrounded by. Her hair couldn't choose a color after multiple self- dye jobs. Even her mixed Mexican and Jamaican heritage were new to me. She said what she wanted and smiled wide at everything. I'm just happy she saw something in me to stick around even if it was the fact that I kidnapped her on the first day, keeping her from someone better.

I grab the frame of the car as she whips into the car park stopping short of a disgruntled gentleman in the crosswalk. She cursed loudly, causing my face to heat up. I contemplate jumping out of the car seeing as how the doors to the Jeep are safely kept in my garage. It’ll be a quick getaway, but I may need to make sure she makes it into a spot that isn't already occupied with this lovely gentlemen's car.

We soon found a spot and made quick work of the shopping, splitting the list I organized by section right down the middle. We’re back on the road in no time, heading closer to the edge of campus where the boys lived.

Ashton was actually the first person to befriend Brynn. They met at a summer fellowship program that put them in parts of Australia that don't have service for a hundred miles. They have that rugged woodsman thing in common. It kept them in touch through their final year in high school before she 'coincidentally' got accepted into the same university as him an entire ocean's length away. They were equally as smiley; she was just a little more… brash at times which is hard to believe. She didn't want to admit that she was nervous when he invited her to the house, he shared with two of his best mates, so I didn't mention anything when she asked me along. As the male version of Brynn, I immediately got on with Ashton. Mikey was chirpy and so sweet despite his punk persona. His other mate Luke was quiet only offering his very corny, yet intriguing commentary. He seems to be the closest thing I have to the friends I'm used to at home despite his lip ring. We formed a group of sorts meeting up in the library to study during the week and finding anything else but coursework to do on the weekends.

Our first kickback was just a barbeque featuring the five of us until Ash invited a few friends he made throughout the week with his open and boyish charm. Brynn had a few of her own, and Mikey wanted to join in on the fun, so he found a few friends to join. Luke and I were just fine meeting people as they were brought to us. Before we knew it, there was a group chat of about fifteen of us with more and more ideas of who to invite to the weekend shenanigans.

The boys had felt the pressure of expectation early this morning before Michael was a functioning human being. He shooed everyone off with a 'ya sure' before hanging up and going back to sleep. Brynn called me with our invite not only to attend the party but to host it at about 5:00 and of course, I freaked out. I plan everything, including some of the most successful events of my college career, if I do say so myself, so I took the praise for last week's party in stride. The difference is, I didn't spend my week planning out this event down to the second hand, so anything can happen. I wouldn't feel all the way like expelling my insides if it hadn't been confirmed that the first-year football players were going to be in attendance after today's match.

This confirmation came directly to Ash from another one of his mates from college, Calum Hood. Not only the best first year but the best player on the whole bloody team. He's also the hottest. The first time I saw him, he was leaving the classroom I was walking into. He opened the door just as I turned the handle, pushing me backward and almost to the floor.

"My fault, mate," he said distractedly, zipping his bag and flipping it over his shoulder. He was obviously sponsored by Nike dressed top to bottom in their slate grey gear, the school's emblem attached to every piece. The only thing I could tell wasn't sponsored was the gray beanie he had pulled down over his ears covering his hair. When he finally looked up a smirk graced his pink lips.

"You alright, doll?"

I couldn't tell if my reaction showed on my face because I didn't expect him to be so adorable with the brute force, he opened the door with. I just nodded my head taking deep breaths, trying to keep my face still. His tan skin was smooth and warm, complimenting the heat in his eyes that was slowly melting my resolve.

"Right. Well you're late, so you might want to…" he trailed off, nodding over his shoulder into the classroom.

"Right," I replied, hoping my hair was doing that cool thing it does when the wind pushes it back. It's either doing that, or the curls are fighting themselves on top of my head. It's so thick I can never really tell without a mirror, but let's be honest. My hair tells me what it wants to do, I rarely have any say in the matter. Instead of walking out of the door, he extended his arm, acting as a human door frame for me to walk under. When I turned my head to look again, he was gone.

I showed up a little earlier to class the next day to see if I could catch him again. Then I was late again and right on time before I decided to be outside the room before his class even ended. He was still nowhere to be found. I had practiced redeeming myself with a smile or maybe even words. Anything but how cringe-worthy I had been the first time, but to no avail. I didn't see him again until the boys dragged us to the first football game.

I don't mind sports at all. I grew up going to my older brother's rugby matches, so I'm not entirely clueless. Brynn, on the other hand, sat unmoving and quiet for the first time in our friendship. I think she concerned Ashton the most, as he asked her if she was ok every time the ball stopped moving.

"Someone tell me why I chose the guitar over football again," Luke said, pulling his hands down his face. "I was just as good as him, but now he's got fans and his face on posters."

"If that was true, I'm sure you'd be out there, dude," Mikey said, patting his shoulder. Michael wasn't interested in playing sports unless it was FIFA on the Xbox, but he was supportive nonetheless. Luke wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer, so he could point out the center forward dribbling through two defenders.

"That's my best mate, or at least he was before he got club offers," he said, taking a swig of his beer.

"I'm surprised he even came to university. He could've just gone pro," Ash said before he cursed the refs loudly. The boy Luke had been pointing out was quick with powerful legs and defined arms. His jaw was clenched, making it sharp enough to cut through glass. Thick curly hair was pushed out of his face with a thin gauzy headband, a gold streak shone prominently in the surrounding darkness of his curls. As he made quick work of the remaining defender, there was only himself and the goalkeeper who looked menacing. Making a sharp left jab, he caused the goalie's weight to shift, giving him the perfect opportunity to use his nondominant foot for a goal.

I jumped out of the way as the boys leaped up, hugging each other, and spilling beer. The entire crowd erupted in shouts, holding on to one another as if the world depended on it.

"CALUM! CALUM! CALUM!" the entire stadium roared. He smirked up at the crowd with a small wave. I gasped, grabbing onto Brynn's arm in surprise.

"Calum?" I asked incredulously. Oh boy what did I miss out on being dumbstruck? Not only is he incredibly attractive, but he's a football king? My parents would love him, I would literally win my family if I could've snagged him, but I'm stupid. So incredibly stupid.

This is why tonight is so stressful and important. If I can not only get a football player, but the best football player here and he looks that good, I can get my parents off my back. My mum went to university solely to get a husband, which she found in my dad. She worked as a primary school teacher until he could support them at his father's law firm, and before you know it, he was running the place. They pop out a few kids, dad runs for Parliament, and the rest is unfortunately history. Mum loved teaching, but she loved being a mum more. She just raised the 'perfect children' she liked to say to anyone who would listen. My too perfect to be true brother Cleo and her wannabe prima ballerina Celeste, me. So tonight, I have to look perfect, and everything has to be perfect, but I don't have time to bustle around and host. This party has to go on autopilot, so I can set my focus on Calum.

"It could be worse, Celley," Brynn shrugged as she set the grocery bags down on the counter of the boys' home. She's right, it could be. I didn't expect it to be this clean actually, but there were no discarded clothes in sight, no pizza boxes on the counters, and no beer cans all over the place. At first glance the place looks fine, I just have to get the dishes out of the sink and out of sight, so they're not broken. A quick vacuum run and the place would work out just fine. I relaxed a little letting my shoulders pull forward.

"Thank you, Lukey," I said, starting the water in the sink. I knew he was the only person who really did any cleaning around here. As much as they were all messy, he couldn't live in filth for too long.

"No problem," he replied sitting on the island watching me work.

"Hey, I picked up my own stuff," Michael complained looking through the bags we brought in pulling out various things.

"You picked up the underwear that your mum wrote your name in and sat back down." Ash always laughs when he chastises, never letting you know if he’s serious or not.

"Exactly. I picked up MY stuff. You guys never listen to me." He shook his head, disapprovingly.

"Thank you too, Mikey, but start throwing those balls around this kitchen, and I will cut yours off as a replacement," I said sweetly. His eyes went wide as he set the ping pong balls back in the bag he got them out of.

"So, what's the vibe going to be tonight?" Brynn asked, putting chips in bowls and swatting the boys’ hands away.

"Well I accidentally invited like twenty people this morning."

"And those people invited people," Ash added.

"And word got around so looks like we've got ourselves a rager," Luke said, rubbing his hands together with a devilish grin. "You've got to admit, we're becoming the best party house for first years."

"Calm down. We're just the only first-years who don't live in dorms where you can't party," Ashton said, punching Luke in the arm. Not many groups of friends stay together long enough or get into the same university for their parents to go in thirds on the house. It worked out to be less expensive than staying in dorms.

"We've got the fucking football team coming, Ash, I think we're doing pretty well." I listened to their banter silently as I cleaned and set things exactly where I had imagined them. The first guest started to arrive a few hours later after I had time to add a few extra touches and have my first glass of the wine Brynn and I had hidden in the fridge. Neither of us is too keen on liquor or beer.

Boys are scattered around the living room, passing around joints and playing FIFA. Girls talk around them, mingling on the patio. There’s a very competitive game of beer pong going on in the dining room that somehow consists of all four corners of the table instead of teams on halves. I was content for the first few hours refilling bowls and dancing with friends I had made at past parties. I even had time to play wingman for Michael and a blue-haired girl in the corner, but soon I got anxious. It was reaching the first hour of the new day. I found myself sitting on the floor between Luke's long legs watching him play Super Smash and stealing hits of the joint he had held between his fingers. I gave up on being cute at about two, smoking enough for my eyes to be as red as Luke's, and my shoes had long been discarded in one of the boy's rooms. I didn't know, nor did I care who's it was.

There were just about the maximum amount of people possible crammed into this small house, and I didn't bother saying excuse me as I got up to make my way to the bathroom. At one point there were so many people taller than me I felt I was walking through a forest. I tried slipping past one particularly muscular redhead boy caging a giggling blonde against the wall. I did my best to slip behind him, but he decided it was the perfect time to do the douche stretch and flex hitting me with the red cup in his hand. The pink sticky drink that was delicious if I do say so myself covered me from neck to foot. My skin went hot, and I'm pretty sure the blonde's giggles were going to cause me to evaporate the liquid from my skin with embarrassment alone. Where was my snarky American friend when I needed her to tongue-lash someone?

"I'm sorry, love," the boy said, failing to conceal his laughter. I tried to avoid his face at all costs burning a hole through his chest with my eyes. The school's emblem was stitched into his slate grey shirt, but I couldn't quite remember where I had seen this exact shirt before. I didn't have time to worry about it with my shirt becoming more see-through by the second and my head spinning in circles.

"Just let me by please," I said. Redhead stepped closer to the girl who was giving me a snarky look over his shoulder. "Stay in your lane, honey," I said, trying out one of Brynn's colloquialisms on my own tongue. My glare was enough to split the crowd like the red sea as I stormed past. Just as I reached the bathroom and twisted the handle, it swung open forcefully, revealing a disheveled brunette with smeared makeup and haunting blue eyes.

"What the fuck happened to you?" she said with an amused smile playing at the corner of her lips. 

"I could ask you the same thing," I said, pushing my hair out of my face. "Are you finished in there, so I can get cleaned up or?" She just smirked sauntering out with a wink. I shook my head, entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. I looked in the mirror at my hair that was slowly but surely frizzing out, and my shirt may as well have been a window into my soul for how see-through it was. My mascara was smudged in the corners of my eyes and my lips had lost their shine ages ago.

"Are you alright?" I was startled by a voice coming from the toilet.

"Oh my goodness, I didn't know anyone was in here," I said, covering my eyes. "I thought that girl was the only one and she left and--"

"It's fine. I'm not doing anything but looking at my phone." I peeked through the cracks of my fingers to see a boy was sat on the toilet cover searching diligently through his phone. I scanned him from head to toe. Black Vans, faded black skinny jeans, a cut-up muscle shirt that was barely attached at his hips, exposing his defined torso and arms. His warm skin, his dark hair with a single gold streak running up the front. I gulped, hoping I would take my own advice and just spontaneously combust.

"I'm gonna just go," I said quietly, reaching for the door behind me. I had forgotten how quick he was on the field because he scared me shitless when his hand captured my shoulder stopping me from leaving.

"No, I'll go," he said quickly. "I don't think I'm going to find what I'm looking for anyways. Unless… do you happen to know whose party this is?"

"It's my mate's house actually," I said, quirking an eyebrow in confusion. He should know. He invited himself and the whole team this morning.

"So you know all the lads? Michael, Ashton…"

"And Luke," I finished for him.

"I've been trying to reach Ashton and I just barely caught Mikey before he went down to the beach with some girl. He let me in, but there's so much going on I never made it past the kitchen. Do you know where Luke is?"

"Uh… couch." I pushed my hair out of my face taking a deep breath. I may as well just give up at this point. I'm in no position to charm anyone, and I can see the remnants of that girl's lip gloss on his lips. It was kind of cute on his pink pout, but I shook my head to clear the thought. He's not looking at me like that, and he probably never will.

I turned the faucet on testing the temp before grabbing a washcloth from the cupboard and washing the stickiness from my neck and exposed stomach. I expected him to leave, but he just sat back on the toilet cover, fiddling with his thumbs. He looked forlorn, his eyes longing.

"You ok?" I asked undoing the tie at the front of my shirt and attempting to wring it out to no avail. I glanced at the sad boy in the mirror and shrugged before pulling the wet material over my head and rinsing it out underneath the water. It's not like anything was left to the imagination with it on.

"Have you ever heard Luke say anything about me?" he asked quietly.

"Kinda," I tilted my head slightly as if it would help me think harder. "He did say you used to be his best mate when we went to one of your matches."

"He did?" he asked, perking up like a puppy.

"Yeah, watches every match. About loses his mind with pride every time you score, which you do quite often, good on you," I said, fixated with the faint pink water swirling around the drain. Maybe it wouldn't be a lost cause to put this in the wash. I'm so high and sleepy it probably won't make it tonight. "Well, I'm gonna go. If you work it up in you to go see Lu, tell him I've gone back to my flat. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to see you."

"I'll do that," he said, standing up assuredly. "I'm Calum, by the way."

"I gathered that," I said with a small grin. "I'm Celeste." When I opened the door, I didn't imagine how bad it might look with me leaving sans shirt, with the school's football star following close behind me. I decided to start caring in the morning when I had Brynn to complain to. I'm a person who knows how to quit while they're ahead. My perfect night shouldn't be able to get any worse, and I'm not going to give the universe the time to try. 

[killer-kashmir]

shy. (george harrison)

this is the first one shot i’m posting on tumblr! i rly hope you all enjoy <3, all of my stories are on wattpad, @/killerkashmir so feel free to give me a follow on there ! <3

Hamburg, Germany is not the ideal city for a young girl to be walking around during any time of the day. The cold wind stung your nose in response to the winter months, and you tried your best to get to your destination as quick as possible. There weren't many things for you to do in Germany, and you found yourself horribly bored on a regular basis- that was until you discovered a club you were able to sneak into. Most bars asked for an I.D, and you stopped trying to sneak in since you couldn't afford a fake one. You had given up hope, until you heard of the Indra Club. Sure, it wasn't the classiest of places, but as long as you never went alone you were perfectly safe.

A couple of the few friends you made in the months you've been in this city invited you out to enjoy the various bands that played every night. None of the live music at Indra was spectacular, you really just came for the free drinks you'd inevitably get from an older man desperate to get into your pants (they always failed). You said a silent prayer in hopes that your perfectly curled hair wasn't ruined (it took you nearly two hours to do!) as you walked past the bouncer without a word. You came to the club so often that even the owner was familiar with you, so there was no need to talk to the bouncer. "(Y/N)! Over here!" Your eyes scanned the bar until it met with your three friends. You made your way towards them, trying your best not to bump into every person in your vicinity. The smell of beer hit you like a wall, and you were convinced that the smell had seeped into the brick walls. You took a seat on a stool, the red leather worn due to the countless amount of people using it over the years. The bartender's eyes met with your familiar face, and a warm smile overtook his features on it as he got started on the same drink you ordered nearly every night.

     "I hope this band isn't shit. It would be a relief to have some music I could actually dance to for once." Mia ranted. You nodded in silent agreement. Mia was the closest friend you had in this country, and you spent nearly every minute you could together. The other two girls that were you were with you only knew briefly, being that Mia introduced them to you only the week before. Thanking the bartender kindly, you picked up the finished drink and brought the straw to your red lips. You tried your best not to cringe as the bitter liquor met your taste buds. "I'll never get used to that damn taste." You thought to yourself, shaking your head. Your train of thought was interrupted when Mia harshly nudged your bicep, gesturing to the owner of the bar come to center stage. Tapping the microphone, he cleared his throat and introduced the band. He spoke german faster than you could keep up, but you were able to gather that the name of the band preforming was “The Beatles”. “Like the bug? What a strange name.” You thought to yourself as four young boys walked into the small stage, plugging in their instruments quietly. Now this was intriguing! You’ve watched countless musicians play on that stage, but none this young- Well, with the exception of Rory Storm and the Hurricanes, your personal favorite.

The bass player nervously coughed into the microphone, before timidly speaking to the crowd. “Uhm, good evening everyone! We are The Beatles.” The bassist kept the opening speech short, before turning to his band mates while the drummer started the count-off of the first song. Your eyes went wide and you nearly dropped your drink when they began playing their instruments and started singing. Their energy was certainly not something you were expecting, but it gave you goosebumps of excitement. Your trance was broken by the surprised laugh of Mia, a look of bewilderment on her face. She immediately grabbed your hand and shoved your way to the front of the stage, dancing freely at the loud music. You laughed at your friend’s dance moves as you grabbed her hand and twirled her. Looking back up at the stage, you began to study the faces of the bandmates, being that you were much closer than before. The bass player was very cute, and his eyes had a light that you hadn’t seen before. The rythm guitarist was the most mischievous one, and you could tell from his antics as he performed. Your attention was brought to the lead guitarist as he played out a solo, a ghost of a smile on his face. Something about this boy felt different to you, almost like he didn’t want anyone to know he was confident in his playing. You studied him for maybe longer than you meant to, and his eyes met yours. His eyes widened for a moment once he confirmed to himself that you were looking at him, and his gaze focused back into the guitar in his hands. “Geez, you totally like what you see, don’t you?” What was that look? Disgust? It definitely wasn’t interest. You tried your best to ignore what you took as silent rejection and enjoy the music that pounded on the walls of the small club.

“Thank you everyone! Have a goodnight, one again, we are The Beatles!” The boys all took a synchronized bow, and you couldn’t help but giggle at the formality of the gesture considering the crowd they were performing to. Wiping the beads of sweat forming on your forehead, you went to the bar to grab another drink. The front of the stage was always the most crowded, and the hottest. You thanked the bartender, reaching into your pocket to pay for the beverage. “It’s on me, thank you sir!” A hand slapped onto the bar, leaving a couple of coins to pay for the drink. You turned to thank whoever covered you, almost choking when your eyes were met with the face of the bass player. “Hello, lovely! I’m Paul, you are?” You wanted to laugh at how posh Paul sounded, but it was endearing. “Nice to meet you Paul, my name is (Y/N).” Paul held his drink up, smiling gently. “Wonderful name for a wonderful lass, it’s nice to meet you (Y/N).” You smiled shyly as you brought your glass up to clink with his. Your eye contact was broken when Mia caught you with you, going silent when she saw the bass player. You smiled at the girl, knowing how outgoing she could be. That was only after she got to know someone though, but at first she was extremely timid. “Oh, I wasn’t aware you had a friend! What’s your name, love?” Paul said confidently, giving Mia the same look he had just given you moments before. Mia blushed a dark red and introduced herself. “Great, we’ve got a playboy on our hands.” You couldn’t help but feel a pit of disappointment settle in your stomach, knowing his interest wasn’t in you, but every female he had come into contact with. “Would you girls like to sit at our table? You could meet the lads.” Paul suggested, and Mia turned to you to answer, being too shy to decide. “Whatever, why not. It’s impossible to get a table here anyway, so we might as well take advantage.” Your eyes met Paul’s, a confident smiling spreading onto your lips. “We’d love to!”

“Ah, who do we have here? How’d you managed to score two birds, Paul?” The rythm guitarist laughed, playfully throwing an arm around Paul’s shoulders. “Oh sod off John, I just thought it would be nice to be acquainted with the locals. This is (Y/N) and Mia, try not to leave a bad first impression, although I think you already might have.” Paul said, throwing John’s, who’s name you just discovered, arm off his body. John didn’t seem phased by the aggression, in fact it only caused his smile to grow larger. John put his elbows on the table, leaning forward to face you and Mia, his gaze bouncing between the two of you. “Okay then ladies, who’d you reckon your going home with tonight?” John said in a dramatic tone, his eyebrows bouncing up and down on his face. You snorted a laugh and rolled your eyes, putting your half empty glass on the table, making fearless eye contact with him. “As long as it’s not you, I won’t be complaining.” The comeback sent Paul into an immediate fit of laughter, slapping his hand onto John’s back. “She really got you with that one, didn’t she lad?” John scoffed and got up, claiming he needed another drink.

You found the quiet guitarist looking at you, a slight smile on his face. You knew he found the remark you made funny, but you weren’t sure if he’d ever admit it. He looked away once again, focusing on the drink in front of him. An awkward silence took over the table, and was broken when Paul spoke. “Mia, would you like to go get another drink with me?” Mia blushes once again, only being able to respond with a nod as Paul took her hand and led her away. “Great, now I’m stuck alone with the boy who clearly doesn’t like me.” You felt yourself growing more and more nervous, looking anywhere but the boys direction. You jumped in surprise when you heard the boy speak, turning your head towards his direction. “I’m sorry, what’d you say?” Your voice slightly shook, not knowing how to approach the situation at hand. “I said, ‘What’s your name?’” The boy said expectantly for an answer, a straight face being his expression. “O-oh, It’s uh, (Y/N). How about you?” You asked, trying to avoid any more awkwardness. “George.” He said, taking another sip of his drink, and you could see him cringe at the taste of the alcohol. “It’s nice to meet you George, your set was really great.” You said sweetly, managing to recollect yourself. This caused George to smile for the first time you had seen that night. It gave you butterflies. “Can I walk you home?”

You shivered as you walked down the sidewalk, the night sky black and empty, except for the large full moon that cast a pale light onto the earth below. “Thanks for walking me, George. I really appreciate it.” You spoke kindly, a gentle smiled on your face. “It’s no worries, I wanted to get to know you, and that club is a little too loud for casual conversation.” You let out a giggle at the remark, his sense of humor only intrigued you more. “Well then, what would you like to know about me?” George paused for a moment, thinking of an adequate question. “You don’t sound German, where are you from?” You laughed at the statement/question, staring at the large moon. “I’m from the states, Washington to be exact. My father got a business opportunity here in Hamburg, so it was either move, or be homeless in America.” George nodded, and you were surprised with the purity of the question. Typically, men didn’t care about your personal life, just whether you’d sleep with them or not. You spent the rest of the walk asking each other questions, learning pointless facts about each other and laughing along the way. “This is my place.” You couldn’t help but feel sad with the fact that the walk was now over, you didn’t want to say goodbye to George just yet. “Wait, I have one final question.” George spoke, looking at his feet as he kicked a nearby pebble. “Alright, shoot.” You said, your interest peaked.

“Why’d you let me walk you home?” George asked, and your mind raced for an answer. Your heartbeat was thumping violently against your chest as you took a deep breath. “Because I wanted to get to know you, and that club is a little too loud for casual conversation.” George looked at you, seemingly entertained by the use of his own words. Before you got to say anything else, George leaned forward and his lips met with yours, and his hands rested on your waist. You felt as if you could grow wings and fly away with how happy you were, and your hands instinctively went up to rest on his shoulders. The kiss lasted for only a couple moments, but it was at the top of your list for one of the best experiences you’ve ever had. You pulled back with a flushed face, your stomach turning in happy knots. George’s cheeks were tinted pink as a full smile spread onto his features. You leaned in to give the boy a quick kiss on the cheek and ran to your door step, resting a hand on the knob before turning back once more.

“Goodnight, George.”

“Sleep well, (Y/N).”