#this shits rly teaching me patience

[dokyeomini]

and im almost done with cleaning i just need to hang the last of the laundry to dry and change the bedsheets

[uwooyoungs]

i generally avoid putting pictures from my personal existence on here but these pictures that my trainer took are too priceless to not share so, here meet my new horse teddy, apparently he likes snow

[queenofallimagines]

hiii! i was wondering if there was any way you could do tsukishima, iwaizumi, akaashi, & ushijima with an s/o that had adhd? it’s perfectly fine if not though :3

Oof 4 month hiatus(working 50 hours a week sucks DONT do it) and we back at it again with the adhd headcanons😔👌🏿 I’m like 90% sure I did tsuki but I’ll do him again bc I got more to say

Ushijima:

- Ard so boom

- He likes organization

- So he’s very what to help you do the same

- Quickly realizes lists are pointless at helping and makes something else

- Helps with homework

- Like you go through each subject at a time instead of trying to do everything at once

- Tried to help you keep focus

- He always has stim toys on him for you too

- A chewy volleyball necklace

- Spinning ring with his jersey number

- Gives you a spare jersey bc good touch

- Makes fun games for tasks

- Like you have a bracelet that makes a list clacking noise and when you complete a task you can take off one of the bands

- Will also help you keep track of your spoons(if you are a spoonie)

- “You used about 5 this morning try and take it easy for a few hours”

- Just a good bf

- Will exercise with you to help you stay active

- Is the calmest when pulling you out of hyper focus

- “It’s been 3 hours. You can finish your animal crossing island tomorrow night.”

- Won’t get frustrated and always keeps his cool

Akaashi:

- oh I been waiting for this one!!

- He deals with bokuto 24/7

- The poster boy for combination adhd

- So he is well equipped

- Before you can even blink he has your sensory needs taken care of

- Let’s you fidget with his fingers

- Play with his hair

- Will fight anyone who got something to say + bokuto

- Like they are your #one fans

- “Kindly keep your ableism to yourself”

- I literally will never get angry at you he is patience in human form

- If you get frustrated he will do everything he can to calm you down

- Rejection sensitive dysphoria fucking sucks so he will be very aware of how he talks to you

- Listens to you infodump

- You: super excited about random thing

- Him,watching with heart eyes: go on love tell me more

- Like he’s so in love???? Thinks everything about you is cute

- Teaches you to play volleyball

- Bc I mean what’s more serotonin then smacking a ball down on the floor???

- Forehead kisses before and after every game

- “Idk I just feel like I’m a burden”

- *trap card activated *

- Will actually go on an hour long rant about how amazing you are

- Like damn catch your breath

Iwaizumi:

- I love him your honor

- He is trying his very best believe him

- He won’t get frustrated at you but for you

- “Why the FUCK did the teacher use this font?? It’s difficult to read???”

- (That was more dyslexia then adhd but I got both so rip)

- He will be so soft with his aggressive ass lmao

- “Go drink water bitch...... love you.”

- You will get the oikawa treatment I’m sorry LMAO

- Like he will bully you lovingly

- Not as hard as toru but he will talk shit

- Makes sure you know he is joking

- Seeing you fidget nervously?

- “Here chew on this, it will help you calm down.”

- Has so much chew jewelry bc of this

- If he sees you masking it’s ON SIGHT

- he lives you just the way you are and doesn’t want you to pretend (and hurt yourself doing so) to please other people

- “Let yourself flap your hands >:0”

- Gets really happy when he sees you happy

- Running

- Like sometimes you just gotta move your body rly fast to get all the happy out and he will race you

- Mans will sprint around the school with you if it will help

- He is so helpful and sweet

- Beats himself up HARD if he accidentally hurts you

- Like you gotta console him bc he doesn’t want to hurt you ever

- Gathers the rest of seijoh as the protection squad

- Like even mad dog will cut a bitch for you

- They see how happy you make him and how cute you guys are and it’s over

- 1000/10

Tsukishima:

- this dinosaur built bitch

- I love him but my god do I want to beat his ass

- He will jokingly make fun of you it’s just how he is

- Will affirm that you’re doing write and will praise you but he will joke on you

- Will never pick at your insecurities or your intelligence

- If anyone does he’s roasting them to a crisp

- Almost fought your aunt at a family dinner

- “It would do you better to mind your fucking business and keep your mouth shut if you don’t know what your talking about. There’s nothing wrong with them.”

- He will NOT hold back at all

- He’s very soft with you

- Sensory issues who?

- Always on top of making sure you’re comfortable and okay

- Has an emergency bag I swear to god

- Soft weighted blankets

- Like 5 fidget cubes

- Squishiest and squishmallows

- Chew jewelry

- Noise canceling headphones

- He has it all no joke

- Has secret spots around school to take you when it’s too much

- Always answers his phone

- Like he can sense when you’re not okay and will text back before you can even pull up your keyboard

- Will only show his soft side to you

- Like he will hum you cute nursery rhymes to calm you down or to help you sleep

- Like he’s just so good at keeping track of things??

- Any laps in your memory he’s got you

- “What was I doing????”

- “You came into the kitchen to make a sandwich”

- “Thanks!”

- Like he acts like he doesn’t care at all but he’s very observant and watches more closely than usual

- Nobody really believes you if you tell them he’s soft lmao

[duchessanon]

Oprah live blog that isn’t live

By popular demand (2 people), here’s my articulate and nuanced views on the interview of the decade.

Meg looking ready for business with that Diana eye liner

Were u silent 👌 or were u silenced 🤏 will become iconic

I want names, who r these people in the institution-firm-palace. Tell me!

K8 made eugbea cry and now she made meg cry - Bitch K8 is CONFIRMED.

Rly tho what made her cry?!?!

I need bonus clips on the high staff turnover. Expose the nanny for drinking the breast milk

Thinking about Omid and Misha noo noo right now

She knew eugbea?! Was she the matchmaker?! (I don’t want it to be Misha)

Meg has watched the princess diaries too many times

Meg asking Henri why she has to curtesy in private and him answering “she’s the queen”. I bet she’s glad she asked, rly informative

The image of fergie running out and teaching her is so vivid in my mind

Which “female family member” told her to stay inside. I vote Bitch K8. She was probably flashing meg her nethers too (if u kno, u kno)

What shitty person told her she couldn’t get help for her suicidal thoughts. Expose them meg!

I love O

I hate Henris whole outfit

Henri looks rly uncomfortable and red

“My family cut me off financially, at least I had Diana’s inheritance” read the room Henri

He’s not being as whiney as usual, probably respects O

If I hear “history repeating itself” one more time, istg

Which asshole said that about archies skin. Chuck?

I don’t understand this shit about baby titles and security so whatever. Bored of that.

“There’s a difference between rude and racist”. Bamilla Gominey doesn’t get it

The day I never hear abou my tommy Markle again will be a good one

I have a headache

Henri just sitting there while meg talks about how unprepared she was. U better look embarrassed

He was ashamed to tell his family about Meg needing help - other people talked better about this

So chuck stopped taking his calls. I would too. My Henri patience is thin sry.

Chuck wants letters instead lmao, snail mail king

Ok we get it u luv the queen! Ur in touch with the queen! No beef with the queen! Not disrespectful to the queen! Jesus laying it on thick.

Happy ending is good, they’re not alone like Diana looking sad

Henri making out like he wants the monarchy to end

Done for now xo

[ad1thi]

tagged by @rxmanoff // everytime you tag me in one of these i always forget to do it im so sorry you always tag me in such interesting ones

//

do you make your bed? everyday. its a compulsion. i don’t keep the cleanest of rooms but i must have made my bed - even if im just leaving it to go to the bathroom. don’t get me wrong i don’t make it well but i do make it

what’s your favourite number? i don’t have one but i like saying 13 just to be quirky 

what’s your job? aspiring criminal lawyer, current failing law student

can you parallel park? i don’t know how to drive, nor do i know if i ever want to learn how to drive. it feels like an unnecessary skill to me given public transport and the ease at which one can get a taxi (current lockdown situations excluded). i plan to marry someone who will be happy to play chauffeur for me for the rest of our foreseeable future

a job you’ve had which would surprise people? im an upper middle school desi who was raised in india - ive never had a job. and im a girl. 

do you think aliens are real? the idea that we are the only sentient creatures in this universe is both dangerously arrogant and profoundly unsettling

can you drive a manual? see above

what’s your guilty pleasure? i don’t think i have one?? idk im not guilty about any of my pleasures

tattoos? in my head i do but in reality i have a phobia for needles and pass out after blood-tests

favourite colour? black. i went through a phase in middle school where i hated pink and black was the most contrary colour and ive still not grown out of that. i still hate pink and yellow and all bright colours and i still love black. 

things people do that drive you crazy? lying. i hate lies. i hate insincere people, i hate dishonest people, i hate fake people. i just - hate lies.

any phobias? see above. also that hole phobia thing that went viral that one time. i fucking hate that shit

favourite childhood sport? i used to play basketball and i still do enjoy it; but im now supremely unfit

do you talk to yourself? i am the only person who can keep up a conversation with me. actually thats not true but the only other person is half way across the world so 

what movies do you adore? i don’t have a lot of hollywood ones but: The Judge, What’s Your Number? and Now You See Me are one I will always love. i unironically love all shah rukh films as well 

do you like puzzles? physical puzzles? as a kid i was obsessed but i don’t know if i have that sort of patience anymore. mental puzzles? idk i like witty brain twisters and stuff but i do get frustrated really easily 

favourite kind of music? alternative music is probably the best description of my taste, but most of the artists i like started out as alternative and are now considered pop just because of their sheer fame. case in point: halsey 

tea or coffee? coffee. specifically an iced vanilla latte

what’s the first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? i wanted to be a teacher for the longest time, and in all honesty i still do. something im rly considering after my law degree is taking a year off and volunteering with some charities that help teach underprivileged kids because i want the chance to live put that dream of mine

//

tagging: @firebrands, @omg-just-peachy and @iam93percentstardust

[chaos-and-cookies]

Gen z making fun of millenials is fucking hilarious cuz they're essentially making fun of every white person I've ever met, but theres a few things that make me realize that even us millennials have forgotten exactly WHY we're like this.

Like "adulting". I havent actually heard ppl complain about "adulting" in a long ass time but the reason millenials are so incompetent when it comes to adult tasks is because literally no one taught us this shit. We were the first gen to suffer thru major education cuts in funding, I was lucky enough to have a couple of home economic classes and wood shop classes in middle school but high school those classes didnt exist. There were some practical art classes like ceramics and wood shop classes but they were electives and art would lose funding more and more every year.

As children our parents gen were very concerned for us, they would fight for us, they saw we were getting such high work loads that we would literally be suffering back issues from carrying so much crap in our backpacks that they made roll around backpacks (essentially kid friendly luggage) so we wouldnt be ruining our backs as much. But once they learned we were becoming smarter than them thru all the standardized testing they put us thru they kinda turned their backs on us and that's where the lazy entitled bullshit remarks started coming thru.

As for all those wine jokes? Honestly idgi either. I realized ppl were making wine to be out an entire personality trait too a few years ago and I also think it's kinda sad and ridiculous but white women have been making liking wine into a personality trait long before us so I'm not rly gonna count that as a "millenial" thing but rather a "white suburban mom" thing.

Harry potter? Yeah those ppl need to actually read a different book not much else to say there. Especially since JK showed that she truly is a joke of a person.

Dumb language like "doggo" is just a result of the internet, we've had dumb language thru the internet for years, some just sticks around longer than others. Not much to say about that, it's just how language evolves now.

I didn't look too deep into the articles about this but I saw some screen shots from tiktok and like I'm sure theres more to talk about how gen z hates us or whatever but like the jokes about adulting made me realize that since we were the first to suffer thru school cuts and a bunch of bullshit thru our schooling, no one else BUT us understands WHY we were so grossly incompetent once we hit our 20s and why it was such a relateable joke for us. Gen Z probably figured that it was always like this and ur supposed to learn Adult skills from ur parents but...no, it hasnt always been like that. Like lbr look at Gen X and look at ur grandparents do u rly think ur grandparents had the patience to teach them shit??? Absolutely not lmao.

And now buzzfeed is just fanning the flames with these articles, having uptight white millenials who fit all these jokes say shit like "well I dont gotta listen to shit from the tide pod eaters" and like no man we gotta protect our younger sibling generation we can't turn against them cuz they got jokes and lbr, valid critiques. If anyone should know about the BS gen z is going thru its us millenials who did all this shit first so we have no room for turning our back on them. I just hope ppl realize this sooner than later cuz we dont need more generational divides than we already have.

[asillydreamer-on-a-crazyworld]

So I’m a little annoyed at some of the comments I’m seeing about “Rio better not be a cheater”, do people really think he made that baby by himself! We can’t forget that although she is really unhappy, Beth is marred and cheating on her husband (no matter how much he deserves it). Why would anyone think he wouldn’t have anyone in his life. What are your thoughts?

ok, anon, about that.

*sighs*

FIRST: I hope Adelfa won’t get hate for a comment she probably shouldn’t have written and that she erased later. We all know there are ppl out there that take things to an extreme and cross the line between real life and a tv show that it’s NOT real, no matter how much you love it. I posted here once about Alison Tolman, the actress who plays Mary Pat, getting hate on TT bc of her character. And I say that bc this kind of shit happens all the time, no matter the fandom you’re in. Believe me, I was on TT and I already saw a few mean and angry comments about her.

That being said:

SECOND: I’ve seen people talking about more than one interpretation of that comment. In some of her interactions with fans, she is usually playful and charismatic. So far, this is what I saw people saying:

1- she really is playing his wife on the show too.

2- she was answering a fan with her usually playful mood and only meant that on set ( as in the place her  husband works) or offset she is his wife so, whatever…I don’t know if I made myself clear here so…

My opinion? Is that she probably meant she will be his wife in the show ( and Goddamn it, here goes my older posts saying that that hug looked more like a friends’ hug. In my defense, I didn’t get any romantic/sexy vibe from it. It rly looks like old friends hugging each other but like other people theorized here, she could also be his baby mama.). However, we all knew the guy has a life outside his criminal gangster persona and he had a life before Beth showed up, obviously, so sue him!

And I don’t think that Beth “forgot” he had a kid but she probably assumed something in the lines of what some ppl in the fandom also thought: baby mama was dead, was out of his life, or is actually his ex. Maybe she even thought about him having someone else but didn’t care bc she did not want to feel anything for the guy. I don’t think Beth is the kind of person to have sex with someone else without getting some feelings, however, so she will be surprised or angry with herself for feeling something more for him when she knows she shouldn’t.

Now, I’m not gonna lie, I got an entirely different view of Rio coz he didn’t seem the type to cheat with all that talk about loyalty and trust. Maybe he only applies it to his work but not personal life?  Or there is more to the story than we know. Manny said once Rio’s motivation is “family”. I always thought that “family”  involved a father, mother, sisters or brothers ( which he might have, at least one of his parents alive or both). I was surprised when I found out he also had a kid. And with a wife now in the picture? Hmm, I get why people are feeling kind of betrayed but, like I said, maybe there is more to the story than we know.

All this still feels odd to me to a point, bc, again, I never thought he’d be the type. And how this man finds time to do everything he does with a little family to care for? Holy shit, Rio, teach me how u do it, coz I need to learn that!

Rio is far from perfect and he was never a saint, to begin with. It was obvious to me since his kid appeared that Rio had a relationship with someone else at a moment in his life and it probably meant something special for him to have a kid with her, or don’t. The kid could be a result of a one night stand or a relationship without any prospects of lasting for long.

Now that there is the possibility of him being a cheater, I’d say that relationships are complicated and not all of them perfect, see Beth and Dean and how things are going down. Like you said, Beth is cheating too and even if Dean is a scumbag she could have chosen to not go down that road. She did it bc she wanted, and she doesn’t even know Rio or trust him enough but Beth is way aware of how things between them would get to that point.

Let’s be fair: Rio is a criminal, a killer, he almost killed Beth ( He thought about at least in that second episode), he breaks the law and does all kind of wrong things. Him being a cheater? It sucks but it would be just another thing to add to the list of all the reasons why Rio is the wrong guy to be involved with. Yeah, I know he has good points to his character too and that he is not a monster… We’ve talked about that already. No one in this show is a saint ( and I dare say not even Stan coz I know he means well but he is breaking the laws for Ruby already. He is getting hhis hands dirty too)

However, this thing he has with Beth is so strong and raw … It runs deeper, like, it’s instinctual and it’s getting out of control. No one can say that there is nothing going on between these two and I don’t think it’s sexual attraction only.

this brings me to another thought :

THIRD:

If there is a possibility of Adelfa deleting that comment bc she saw that ppl took it  the wrong way, and option 2 of my second line of thought is correct, this is only a misunderstanding and she is not actually his wife, but maybe an ex or someone else? Coz, again, Brio sells this show. It is so strong and powerful that the writers couldn’t let go of it - hell, let’s be honest, this show is incredible and it doesn’t need Brio to be so great as it is, but it’s what makes ppl go crazy about it and watch the show for them. I won’t be a hypocrite about that-. We know they won’t have a happy ending, I don’t see how it can end happily for everyone involved but there is always the possibility of Beth and Rio having a strong, unbreakable connection between them that will keep them together until the end.

This is all I think of what happened after that comment written on IG and what it means or could mean.

Honestly, tho? We are all here trying to find an answer to all that and losing our minds and having our heart broken in the process, but I‘d ask u this:

have you ever felt betrayed or even disappointed with GG writers or Jenna Bans in all this time watching the show?

Because if so, I’d say that is not my case. I trust them to give us just the best of the best here and they worked hard for that, I’m sure and I won’t let this turn me down, not when I didn’t even watch the episode or the rest of the season to really know what this whole thing between Beth and Rio is about.

Let’s wait and see, exercise our patience and not let our minds drive us crazy.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

it’s 7am and for no especial reason im gonna throw out “bat boy” numbers that really go off which is, really all of them, but still, might as well share my wisdom

a) COMFORT AND JOY: obviously!!!!! THE song. it is seriously like, wow. the drama. and its Such a jam. what haven’t i already said to endorse it? cuz i’ll say some more.

b) SHOW YOU A THING OR TWO: automatically gets second spot b/c its second most likely to be in my head. it’s all “i’ll show you a thing or two, second verse with these-two-notes [two-notes]” and i do a little dance for those two-notes. and the lyrics “you’ll soon complete it—but, wait! ((??)) don’t eat it ((oh))” will loop thru my brain like fifteen times. lot of Musical Style variation in this whole show and this ones got like, a highstepping chorus line theme & thats a delight. and lots of incredible lyrics too, like this song’s “but now say howdy to a summa cum laude.” oh wait and i suppose its self explanatory but meredith The Mom and shelley The Daughter are teaching edgar The Bat Boy like, all of general knowledge in a matter of weeks / maybe several months. dr parker The Husband / Vet is tangentially helpful but not really because he sucks. meredith’s patience is v nice. you really have to root for them, except dr parker, because he sucks.

C) CHILDREN, CHILDREN: any ranking order beyond this is basically just me throwing darts w my eyes closed but this is a good third cuz its again that musical variety......this ones like, this 90s-ish movie credits remix echoey chimy synthy thing going on?? but its really a jam too. when the company joins in with the “oooo~shalala” i go BERSERK.....and there’s this suddenly punk rockish break in the middle of it. pretty great. what’s going on is that, as edgar and shelley are fleeing from Society into nature / the woods to reinvent their notions of humanity, the god of that sort of stuff Pan has shown up with an eden-esque panoply of animals to sing this song to set the mood. obviously.

D) WHATCHA WANNA DO: speaking of punk rockish...this is that? it’s a bit head-tiltingly jarring as its just this number in which one of the local teens who found edgar in the cave shows up to the parkers’ house where he’s currently caged and reacts to him in a Thematic Microcosm of what will be others’ reactions, aka to reflect a like, lack of inhibition re sex and mostly violence back at his feral nature and perceived inhumanity. one of the stranger numbers in a weird musical, but still a jam, see: punk rockish

E) A JOYFUL NOISE (REPRISE): end the musical here and everythings fine! just a real short one but a lot of fun because of what i just said. edgar goes to the local revival to beg the townspeople’s and preacher’s acceptance, and they give it to him. yet more musical style variety and a shoutout to this exchange

F) THREE BEDROOM HOUSE: send the musical in a different direction in the middle of this and everything could still be fine. this is a fun boppish number kinda reflecting elements of “show you a thing or two” musically, which i suppose is since its again mostly about meredith having decided that they can make this mess of a situation work. that mess being that, edgar Was accepted by the town but actually her husband killed a local teen and then showed up and blamed it on edgar & implied the mysterious plague upon their cows was edgar’s fault too and edgar’s run off into the woods. then this one is followed by children, children. i could go in order but its chaos rules only!!! the amount of fun energy in this song is frankly great and its like hell yeah meredith!!!!! hell yeah hock this stupid ring!!! kill your husband!! or whatever. js

G) CHRISTIAN CHARITY: god this one is fun idk......also self explanatory imo. local teens have found a cave cryptid, now the sheriff has him, he’s dragged him into the house where the local vet lives and is just p much casually dumping said cryptid on them, which is funny. there’s Musical Themes here repeated w some of the townspeople’s numbers & set up for comfort and joy....what really gets me is the sheriff’s part that starts abt a minute into the number where it’s like, this really neat almost-lilting musical phrase in the key of i don’t know, but its cool. i like it

H) INSIDE YOUR HEART: man, this one’s got this like, p simple musical Theme in there that’s just like, that’s all you need really. sort of like, the classic ballad duet type of song now. but also sort of cutting its own drama, b/c the musicals like, tragicomic and all. like edgar has this whole swelling “oh god this curséd existence you have to leave me” declaration and then immediately you get shelley’s matter of fact “...no.” even tho its a bit Meta Humorous like that, frankly its still a pretty great straightforward and sweet number which im sure a lot of musicàl love songs Wish they could be, which is just made more Smh by the fact that a) it’s about shelley trying to convince edgar its okay to drink her blood and b) because right after it ends meredith shows up to belatedly inform them that they’re half siblings. shits a wild ride.

I) A HOME FOR YOU: careening back to the beginning....this one is also less like, oh shit im gonna dance along, more of a subdued and quiet number, but its a nice solo of meredith’s and p sweet but not in a way like Inside Your Heart where its gonna get immediately wrecked. instead its one of the more grounded songs where she’s just telling the feral bat teen now in her house that maybe he can like, belong somewhere. it also has the Additional Depth not yet revealed in the plot that meredith is aware that edgar is her own child whom she had previously presumed dead. and this song is also Significant in that it’s Reprised when edgar realizes he might actually be fully human (he’s not) and is eager to go to the town’s upcoming revival and win their acceptance; and its Musical Theme is briefly reprised in “apology to a cow” when edgar is at the total opposite end of things, having been turned on by the town thx to the betrayal of his evil stepdad, and then having his and shelley’s attempt to forsake the need for social acceptance in the first place Also Wrecked by their mom telling them she’s their mom, so then he’s just mad at everything and murders a cow b/c he feels the only thing left is to embrace their idea of him as a killer monster, and he Reprises the a home for you theme as he swears to kill both meredith and dr parker, which he doesn’t, although they do Die around him. whoops. wanna @ will roland and be like “hey can you sing this one single line from Apology For A Cow?? cuz its rly cool and honestly a lot of these songs make me sure that wroland’s version of this material what with his voice and acting and how dramatically that production seemed to treat the outlandishness in general all means i’d fucking go ballistic and i wanna hear ‘this face will be the last thing that you ever see’ cuz that key change and that like, rise and fall at the end,,,,OOF,,,”

J) I IMAGINE YOU’RE UPSET: just round it off by slapping this climactic song right down. it’s a lot. dramatic again but also kinda fun...ish......i mean its the “everythings gone to shit and lets bring everyone together for peak disaster” so how much fun can be had? yet the quick exchange of “i smell [...] her sweat” “oh my god” whole town: “JESUS!!” and the sheriff singing “im sorry your life’s a sham” like hfvlmao thanks dude. but there’s all the clashes of characters’ built-up emotions and edgar is over here covered in blood and demanding to be killed while the town is like YEAH but all meredith’s lines are especially bittersweet and honestly like its a weird absurd story obviously and we’re all here to be ourselves and have fun but the story does make me bummed cuz of thinking about it all as “okay, yeah, but if you treat it earnestly,,,,Sad” like man you hearken back to three bedroom house and how meredith is determined to see it all be okay and really like just wants to live with her kids somewhere safe and NOT with her crap husband who’s been ruining everything the whole time for once. and then she’s here caught between the final confrontation of the Dramatic Foils that are edgar and dr parker and in general everything is a bit too late. ugh. lot of Dramatic Exchanges here and musical theme reprises!! that’s the good shit. and then the song ends on dr parker’s sort of ominous yet resigned-ish “are you hungry edgar” (shoutout to comfort and joy!!) after which he cuts his own throat, and, just like in comfort and joy, (and sort of like just prior to comfort and joy, when edgar reflexively defended meredith from dr parkers Violent Behavior) when he presents edgar w the fresh blood edgar automatically Attacks, wherein dr parker takes the chance to stab him, and inadvertently stabs meredith when she tries to shield edgar, and they all three die w edgar bleeding-outly refuting his humanity to shelley, and then there’s the final number where everyone’s like wow that was some shit. but ACTUALLY there is also this one specific detail i’d be desperate to see from the nyu steinhardt version, which is that after they all die and there’s that Breathless Moment, the Man From The Institute who the sheriff had called earlier to deal with edgar Rushes In and sort of beholds the whole town gathered staring at these three bodies and maybe a cow’s head off to the side, and one of the townspeople just goes “...you’re late.” and i am so certain that this line is HghhfGH-wheeze-laugh worthy; but the performance i saw they did NOT do the timing right!!! they said it like right off whereas what you need to do is hold the pause at least three full seconds!! and then go: You’re Late. i’m adamant about this. so much of Landing The Delivery is timing!! anyways. god. press f. anyways. it’s now 9 am. thanks and good morning. basically saying that the whole soundtrack is basically pretty great and really will roland has doomed me to actually be invested in this weird story, b/c its the ol magical realism comedic-framed wild obviously-that-would-never-happen plot, but, still, you’ve got this teen trying his best and it COULD all be fine actually but it all goes to shit b/c nobody killed dr parker in time really. well i’d just like to conclude by saying it’s raining and that’s great b/c i love when it’s raining

[armor-goblin]

tell me about your oc: companion edition

Describe your OC as they are described by your companions.

Show us what they look like!

Tag at least 5 (or more) followers and 5 blogs you follow! :)

Enjoy writing! :)

tagged by @star--nymph and i am finally doing a meme oh my god!!!

oh miri, your advisors have SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT YOU. under a cut because this is long as hell!! but it was also rly fun, i’ll tag @kagetsukai @lonely-spaghetti @lesquatrechevrons @dirthara-mama @shannaraisles, if yall feel like it! 

mireille trevelyan, smiling bc she is definitely eavesdropping on every one of these conversations. 

Cassandra:

“There was a brief time when I did not trust her, but at every opportunity she proves herself -- reliable. Trustworthy. She is a practical woman in every sense. She sees what needs doing, and does it, with little fuss, and she has no fear of dirty hands or muddy boots. Her pride comes from her skill, not her station. I cannot say I always agree with her, but I support her nonetheless. Her practicality makes her a better leader than she suspects.”

Solas:

“The Inquisitor is a magnificent healer. She has an understanding of those magics I have rarely seen beyond spirits of healing, between her innate talent and developed skill, and she has an abiding sense of curiosity only somewhat strangled by the Circle’s teachings...although I cannot bear to watch her fight. The arcane warrior is a much older art than her teachers think, and the artistry of it is utterly lost on her. Despite it, she is capable, and willing to listen outside her worldview on occasion, and that is more than some.”

Varric:

“Don’t play cards with Freckles. Just don’t. Doesn’t matter what card game, she’s too good at slipping cards off the deck. 

“Really, I worry about her, you know? She’s a good person in a hard job, and it’s carving her down into something sharper. I wonder what she would have been like in another life. Or, shit, if she hadn’t had to spend most of it in a tower. Sometimes when we camp she’ll sit and stare at a tree or a mountain or a rainstorm for an hour, or she’ll disappear for a while just to prove she can. It’s not that she doesn’t believe in herself -- never seen anyone else as confident in themselves as Freckles is -- it’s...shit, I don’t know. You can just tell, sometimes, that there’s something scared and soft lurking under the surface she doesn’t want you to see, and then it vanishes again.”

Sera:

“Bit short. Good tits, but she’s all freckles ‘n frowns. Think she’s a power bottom, she’s just not really my...oh. Right. Thought all those robes were high ‘n mighty like Madame Frostypants or batty like...all the rest, right? She’s more...teachery. Teachy. Bossy and disappointed in you, blah blah blah. But she talks to most everybody like they’re people, except big nobby fancybritches people, and them she’s all claws with. She’s nosy, too. Got a bit of a stick up her arse, but she knows what a good time’s like, mostly. 

“Don’t like that magicky shite, though. People should scar up, yeah? Like normal, thread ‘n needles. She does that fine, but if we’re fighting she does it too fast, all pink new skin. Feels like bees. In bad ways, under your skin. I know she’s not batty but -- it’s creepy, that is.” 

Vivienne:

“I’m honored to have the pleasure of working with Senior Enchanter Trevelyan. One of the best healers in Thedas, not to mention a talented alchemist and a ceaselessly inquiring mind -- she’s learned entire disciplines wonderfully quickly, and overcome a number of difficulties along the way that would many fell lesser people. I am proud to consider Mireille a dear friend. A bit uncouth at times, to be sure, but hard times can make any of us a bit uncouth...she cares very much about people, and it is a noble thing, to dedicate yourself to helping everyone that one possibly can. I confess I admire her very much for that. For many of the things she does.”

Blackwall:

“Her Worship’s got more patience than you’d think. Sometimes she pops in here to borrow a tool and we just sit carving for an afternoon, trade a tip here and there. Or I’ll see her sitting by some poor sod down in the infirmary, doing something magic, for hours and hours until the bloke gets up again. They say she’s got a temper, but I think she just likes to shout sometimes, between you ‘n me. A good yell clears your head. She’s not really angry unless she stops talking altogether. That’s when you should get going.”

Iron Bull:

“Boss? The freckles are cute. Pretty sure she's a top. Got a bet going with Sera on that, actually. 

“She’s kind of scary when she gets into the right groove, whether it’s yelling at somebody or on a battlefield. But thinks too much about things, sometimes. Never met a mage that didn’t do that. She gets caught up in her own head and loses step, but when she’s in the right mode, she’s in it. She’s not cold, though. She hesitates too often before she goes for the kill. I like her for it, but it’s going to come back and bite her in the ass someday.”

Dorian:

“The Inquisitor’s a delight. I don’t meet all that many people who keep pace with me, you know, but if anyone can it’s her. She’s brilliant, lovely, skilled, a tour de force of personality, Maker help you if you cross her because she’s also wonderfully petty about her revenge. And delightfully cavalier about experimental design. Terrible taste in what to serve with wine, but we can’t all be perfect. 

“Really, I’m very pleased to call her a friend. I do wish she’d be a bit less cagey, though. It can’t be healthy to lock quite so much up.”

Cole:

“Blades in the dark, dangling overhead, old pain pricking at the edges of her eyes. She knows who she is, certainty at the center. She doesn’t know how to fit that into anything but a tower, even when the walls crack and crumble. But she tries. She helps. She heals hurts, betters bodies. I wish she would let me untangle the threads, but she wants to do it herself. She says it matters, to do a thing yourself. 

“She always asks me if I’m cold, or pulls me back when I stand on ledges. Even when she knows I won’t be hurt. She cares anyway. It’s nice.” 

Josephine:

“Her Worship...well, we are very different people, from very different walks of life, and yet she has turned to my connections more often that I would have hoped to solve problems. She is -- less than diplomatic, but she is aware of it, at least. That is something. She can be sharp, or come across cold and intellectual, but she is very grateful for small kindnesses. I wonder if she was shown many, in her life before this. She is not used to luxury, I think; I wonder sometimes if she simply doesn’t complain because she isn’t used to it, or if she really does like that awful powdered tea. I know she knows how to make good tea. I’ve had tea with her. She still drinks the powdered kind, with so much sugar the spoon stands up, if you don’t provide her something better yourself -- 

“...Ahem. Apologies for the distraction. Her Worship is a kind woman and a reliable leader. I am content to work for her, despite her proclivity for terrible tea.”

Leliana:

“The Inquisitor has a reputation, for better or for worse, as predictable, reliable. Dedicated and pragmatic. She wears some emotions on the surface, which is less than ideal, but she is also easy to trust. And rather good at eavesdropping. She’s taken to the job admirably well. For the most part, at least. She is reluctant, sometimes, to take the direct route, when sometimes a blade would be quickest. It’s an oddity in someone so direct, but I don’t wish to call it a weakness. Say rather it’s a desire to help everyone, anyone, to preserve rather than tear down...I know she does not love the circumstances she arrived here in, but she does the job in front of her. It’s all we can ask, I suppose.”

Cullen:

“Maker, there’s not that much to say. I suppose...well, she is trustworthy, certainly. And her specialized knowledge in medicine and magic is very useful. She has become a capable enough fighter, even if she will never be a master of the sword or bow. She is -- a talented mage. And a challenging person to get to know. A challenging person in general. Stubborn as anything, argues for the sake of argument half the time, smug when she’s right and annoyingly often she is right --

“I...besides all that. I am grateful for her help, and amazed by her altruism, sometimes. Her priorities are always other people, and never herself. It's admirable in a way, even if she ought to -- take care of herself as well. Please don’t tell her I said that. She’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

[minhyukie]

I want to get to know you better! When you get this post 10 random facts about yourself and pass it on to 10 lovely people you want to know better too

JFIODKSMLFDS these are all dumb shit that probably no one ever cared to know abt me but . here u go thank u for sending this angel :-(

1. my first Real fandom was pokemon... but i wasn’t even in it for the games JFKLDSFDS I LITERALLY JUST WATCHED LIKE 600 EPISODES OF THE ANIME and read pokemon special... a good time 

2. idk if this is rly about me since it’s more like. abt my family but my parents are both big collectors and my dad collects coca-cola items so i have like. a Deep Bond with coke and i get so excited whenever anyone says coke is their favorite soda which is like?? stupid? i barely even drink coke? but we have that Bond..

3. i like to sing!! but im not like.. amazing or anything.. my mom used to teach music and she has perfect pitch she has an amazing voice so im like why did i not get That talent but i like to sing in choirs and acapella :D

4. also along those lines i like to play piano but im also like.. not amazing.. JFDKSLFDS i mostly just taught myself and play for fun so i really can’t play anything classical.. i can play moderately difficult music but my fingers are Too Uncoordinated so i can’t get through literally anything without fucking up.. :/

5. this is all just my hobbies FJKDLSFDS but i also like to do paint-by-numbers.. it’s my way of relieving stress also they look so god damn nice when they’re done!! and for some reason it makes ppl think im artistic even though it Literally requires 0 artistic talent just a lot of mf time and patience.. but they’re fun and i like them.. :D

6. im 50% stealing this from mehreen but i love fucking making food in a mug... mostly brownies... but also cookies... i’ve tried a few other things but sometimes they dont go very well i tried to make a pancacke in a mug last year that was a Bad idea would not recommend

7. my hair is naturally rly curly! i feel like a lot of ppl dont know this abt me anymore (whether its u guys on here or like. ppl i meet irl) because i’ve been pretty regularly straightening it for almost 2 years now.. and now that i cut my hair shorter i really Cannot wear it curly it looks so bad.. i miss it 3

8. i love math so fuckin much i got a perfect math score on my act and satand honestly i’ve thought so much abt how i lowkey wish i had majored in it.. even tho there’s like.. no point.. what the fuck would i do with a math degree but i love her she just makes Sense to me 

9. uhhhh h hhhh uhhhhh i can lick my elbow XD

10. i love minhyuk thank u for reading.. if anyone read this.. love u ! have a great day

[actiasteeth]

angsty relationship asks: david/ryan

do they have a lot of arguments? if so, over what? so so so many. typically ghosting / lack of communication and “”needing space”””””. later: “pls stop trying to fucking kill me.””

who apologizes first? in what way? is it hard for either of them to apologize? seeing as ryan’s generally the one in the wrong,,,,,, he’s the one who Should be apologizing first. a lot of the time tho, he leaves it up to david or he apologizes w/o Explicitly apologizing b/c he has trouble owning up to being a shithead. ryan just gets softer and more affectionate w him, tries to do sth to make it up to him. a lot of “pls i didn’t mean it”” / “”forget abt it”” / “i love u”””.

which one has more insecurities? over what? david. probably abt whether or not he’s actually done sth wrong to warrant being treated poorly.

who gets more riled up? do they show their anger? nnnnn. it would depend on the context?? both of them are capable of showing their anger, lmao.

how do they hide their pain when they’re upset? do they try to hide their pain? on the rare occasion that ryan is not the one in the wrong he’s verbally v quiet abt being upset. he p much goes silent and gets v tense and untouchy. it takes a while for him to rly find the right words to be like “hey this upset me”” b/c on some lvl he’s always gonna feel like he deserves it.

who tries to make up first? does it work? ryan. he can go from 100 to 0 in the blink of an eye if he’s over it. will try to act like nothing fucking happened. it’s,,,,,,, iffy at best.

would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? if they had a falling out? eeeeeh. theoretically ryan could be into this but in practice he closes off when he’s angry so probably not. they’re all abt that make up sex game tho.

do they hold grudges? is it hard for them to let go/forgive each other? david does more so than ryan. once ryan is over sth, once he’s had the time to process it, he’s over it and doesn’t care to revisit it.

is there something big that could potentially tear them apart if it was revealed? no?? i mean there’s a lack of communication sure but they don’t rly keep things from each other??

if something already happened to tear them apart, what would make them come back together? is it even possible? main verse, i think they’re p much doomed. breakup au?? there would need to be a solid exhibition of Growth mostly on ryan’s end—in his stability, in the way he handles situations, in reeling in his vices. david would have to trust him to be better.

what’s their favorite pass time when they’re upset? leaving mean drunk comments abt himself on david’s videos.

who do they confide in when shit hits the fan (besides each other)? ryan always goes to his sister loren if he goes to anyone at all. 70% of the time he’s gonna keep that shit to himself tho.

is it hard for them to talk about their feelings openly with each other? if so, is there any way that can be resolved, even in the slightest? david is more open than ryan is when it comes to Real Shit. whenever ryan is gearing up to vent abt things he just ends up sitting there saying nothing. ryan needs a couple drinks in him before he starts talking tbh.

who grieves more when the other is away? david.

who misses the other more, or really thinks about them more? also david. it’s not that ryan doesn’t think abt him or miss him, he’s just less inclined to let it bother him.

do either of them have a special item (an article of clothing, a necklace, a book) that they use when they miss the other? if so, what is it? what do they do with it (read, wear, look at, smell)? ryan’s absconded w enough of david’s clothes,,,,,, he wears them around the house p much 100% of the time tbh, even when he’s not Highkey missing him.

who cries more? who gets more emotional in general? is this evn up for debate?? david. it’s david.

do either of them have the other’s stuff lying around their house? feel like david would be more inclined to leave shit lying around ryan’s.

how about teasing? do they tease each other while in a fight (whether it be with themselves or just general teasing)? unlikely. they generally take their fights p srsly?? unless it’s like clearly a fake argument then 5000% yes to both.

do either of them have any vices? ryan drinks too much and gets progressively worse as their relationship deteriorates.

what’s the thing they miss most about each other? ryan doesn’t usually miss one thing abt david in particular??? if he’s missing him, he’s missing him as a whole. if anything got to him in time tho, it would probably be the lack of physical touch. as shallow as that sounds, lmao.

what’s their go-to breakup/angst song? for ryan, trouble by cat stevens.

who’s more jealous? neither of them rly. like, sure, they’re falling apart but it’s not like there’s any legitimate fear of unfaithfulness or anything of that sort.

who is the first to forgive? again,,,,,,, not that david is the one who needs forgiveness, lmao. but ryan will convince himself that things are david’s fault evn when he Knows they aren’t; will then proceed to drop it and be all “””i just want us to be ok,, dw abt it”” ?????????? whom’st’ve’d.

what’s the one deal breaker for either of them (lack of communication, fear of commitment, etc)? lack of communication, def. and being “””needy””””””””.

who would take longer to let go? do they ever really “let go”? both of them get an F in letting go (see: the breakup au). never in the 4yrs that they were apart did ryan even Try to move on or let go. like did he date?? sure. but he never went into it w the mindset that it would last and the Smallest things fucked him up on how Wrong everything felt and how Not David everything was and he just,,,,,,,,,, No. also main verse????? david won’t go into the fuckign light and insists on terrorizing ryan instead???? double F in letting go.

which is more afraid of confrontation? neither of them are a fan.

who’s the first to distance themselves (if either)? u kidding?? ryan.

who’s more patient? is it hard to break that patience? david. he put up w so much, pls. that said, ryan likes to think he’s p patient w ghost!david but That is too little too late.

who’s the first to blame themselves? david. ryan will shift blame off himself evry chance he gets even when he Knows damn well he’s in the wrong.

who’s more likely to do something out of spite? both.

who would be the first to say they hate the other? would they mean it? ryan. not to his face but he def told his sister that he hated him not long before david died. he didn’t mean it for a single second. even when he starts being a shitty demon abt things ryan still doesn’t hate him. he clings so hard to this ideal version of david that,,,,,, idk if there will ever come a time where there isn’t this part of him that’s so incredibly deep in love w that version of him.

who worries more? in the grand scheme of things, probably david. but i don’t see either of them as particularly big worriers.

what scent reminds them of the other? firewood. warm sugar syrup. asphalt.

do they have any regrets (regarding the other, or just in general)? ryan regrets taking david for granted. he regrets not actively trying to better himself regardless of always arguing that he was “”Trying””””. he regrets that he couldn’t commit himself to having a proper Talk abt how they could begin to fix things. not spending more time w him. not giving him the love he deserved.

who’s quicker to walk away if a situation gets heated? ryan generally backs off if david starts crying??? but if they’re just having a yelling match and no one is crying,, it just goes down until it doesn’t.

who is more prone to anger? ryan. he’s more irritable at least, so small things can set him off.

who cries more in an argument? do either of them cry? david obvs. ryan cries After the fact when he’s alone but p much nevr in front of david. he Will cry in front of ghost!david tho b/c it’s not like he’s got a choice.

does it take a lot for it to get to the point of yelling? no,,..,,..,….,,,,,

who sleeps on the couch? can either of them sleep without the other? ryan sleeps on the couch but not rly b/c they’ve been fighting. he’s just restless and gets frustrated if he’s lying there for too long trying in vain to sleep. that said they can sleep w/o each other (ryan isn’t exactly the biggest fan of cuddling anyway) but they Do appreciate the idea of waking up together so,, while it’s nice when it happens, it isn’t Necessary.

who’s more likely to protect the other? ryan??? in that if someone is talkin shit or sth he will Pounce both verbally and physically if he’s gotta.

if one of them gets injured, who worries more? i mean ryan’s out here encouraging david to do risky shit, Sure, but he’s like,, halfway joking and if david gets so much as a Scratch u bet ur ass ryan is tending 2 that shit. whenever they’re play fighting or w/e ryan is also rly conscious of letting up if david shows any sign of discomfort. i think ryan is?? generally???? less inclined??? to get injured????? but he will straight up Fight ppl if they push him so idk,, david might have reason to fuss over him but it’s Rare. he was probably a whole five and a half messes after asking david to teach him how to skate tho.

who would be more afraid of the other’s death/harm? LOL. i feel like this wasn’t rly a thing they worried abt Legitimately?? then it Happened and,, rip.

who ends up yelling first? are they always yelling when arguing, or do neither of them yell at all? 50/50 depending on what the argument is abt.

who would be more likely to save who? i wld think both of them wld make efforts to keep each other safe?? can’t speak for ghost!david’s problematic ass.

who stays up at night brooding? ryan’s insomniac ass.

who has more dreams/nightmares about the other? ryan has a lot of both after david dies. if u thought he wasn’t sleeping well Before,, that shit got 100% worse. he hates both but the good dreams especially always choke him tf up.

who comforts who after a bad dream/event? ryan before. now, no one.

do they think about each other a lot? does it affect their performance/schoolwork? in the earlier days of their relationship ryan was so bad at work, especially if they had plans for after he was off. he was constantly checking his phone and sending not-so-sneaky texts. catch him zoning out thinking abt him too. if david ever surprised him at work he always came back late from his break, lmao. he was bad in other ways when shit started going downhill in that he was absent and cold and quick to snap at anyone who breathed in his direction.

if one of them were to come back after a long time, who would come to who? would it go well? would the other person take them back? don’t think either of them would actively seek the other out?? i.e their reconnection would have to come as a coincidence. this goes abt as well as u would expect. both of them are some part willing to take each other back but,,,,, there’s def some hesitation there. ryan doesn’t trust himself to not fuck up all over again and sometimes it’s like he’s watching himself frm the outside. he keeps slipping up and making moves and trying to get david into bed but he always ditches before they have a chance to get Too Deep into feelings. eventually he ends up spilling his guts ofc (“””i’m still so fuckign in love w u u have no fucking idea”””) and they eventually bite the bullet and decide to try again. how well That goes is up for debate.

[dovechim]

After a hectic week I can finally sit down and dedicate the next hour or so to continue my story because I really want to get to the part which I'd like to hear your opinion - and everyone else's - about!! ☆ Long Story Anon

So we kept messaging for the following days, both busy with our respective classes; but before I knew it and I can't say I was surprised, he invited me to do something again less than a week later. We're from a considerably small city, there isn't much to do around here, so we had a hard time coming up with an idea. Well, he suggested to pick me up and we'd go back to his house to eat something, to which I agreed. I was with my friend and we were both jumping around from excitement ☆ 1

Needless to say my friends all loved him; they were happy that after such a long time and with such bad luck in love I finally found what seemed to be the last guy on earth who was worth more than two seconds of my life. I knew going to his house implied something more serious than making out could happen, but honestly I didn't mind if it did. In context, he lived with his little brother and parents; where we're from it's common at our age to still live at home since we've not graduated yet ☆2

But he'd mentioned during the first date that his parents were away for an anniversary holiday and his little brother was staying with the oldest one who lived in his own apartment with his fiance; meaning we had the house for ourselves. As planned he picked me up and took me there, had some food delivered and we watched terrible horror films on netflix. He'd cheesily try to put his arm around me on the couch and I'd move closer, ending up snuggled together with my heart about to burst ☆ 3

At one point both brothers and the fiance show up with some food, for some reason and that's when I knew half his family on the second date lol. But they moved upstairs quite quickly after eating and left us alone to watch the movies. Eventually he'd kiss my cheek, not-so-subtly letting me know he wanted to KISS-kiss me, but me being the nervous little shit I am didn't really know what to do. It'd been two whole years since I even attempted to make out with someone!! ☆ 4

So he had to move even closer and he said, which I'll never forget: "you're so shy", which I wasn't surprised about, it's not common for a 22 year old to be that reserved, I guess, but with a little bit of patience that single moment turned into the best first kiss I've ever had. I was so scared he'd be a terrible kisser, like I'd experienced before bc that's just a deal breaker for me and everything else about him was so perfect; but boy...was I wrong. We ended up making out for so long that ☆5

Our lips hurt, and he didn't even try to go too far, already noticing that I wasn't the kind of girl to tear off our clothes and start fucking (not that I didn't wish I were lol), so he just held me tight and took me home eventually. God, the memory of his kisses will never leave my mind. To this day I still get butterflies because it was the kind of kiss that makes you feel like your bodies fit together and makes your toes curl :') ☆ 6

im so soft for you and him already :”)))) it’s so sweet that he wasn't afraid of scaring you off and still went for it!! a lot of guys i know are hesitant about dating an inexperienced girl bc they’re scared they will scare her off, and once my friend asked me how he should chase after a girl who has never dated. i literally got so pissed lmao i just said “just fucking treat her like a fucking normal person!!! what are you intending to do that might scare her off???” 

We had a third date after that, about a week later. We went out to eat and it was the day he started posting instagram stories with me and tbh I was surprised. In our generation it takes more than just a couple of dates for a guy to 'announce' he's not 'single' anymore. You know, like if he had intention of seeing other girls at the same time he wouldn't be parading me around for everyone to see, which only fed my hopes of him being 'the one' even more ☆ 7

omg yes :/ the dating culture is so complicated lmao like ppl can be going out with different people at the same time and there’s a certain time after which you’re considered exclusive... it’s so tiring tbh

Another week passed and out of the blue he was asking me to meet his parents. He was very lowkey about it; he said he missed me, mentioning they'd returned from NY and asking if we could meet again that night, but "my parents would be there too, is that a problem?" lol. So I said no, obviously, even though I was shitting my pants, I'd never met a boy's parents in that context before but he seemed excited. He picked me up and we drove back to his place where they were waiting for me ☆ 8

I decided I didn't want to read too much into it back then, but still couldn't help but notice that the older borther+fiance had dropped plans to go to dinner with us so 'the whole family would be there to meet me'. Did that mean him bringing a girl home wasn't that common? Was I actually that special? As if I didn't notice myself falling fast and hard for me enough, his whole family welcomed me with huge open arms. His little brother, extroverted as they come at the age of 10 did everything ☆9

To include me in the conversations; the older brother would tell embarrassing stories. The parents, both doctors, both dating since college and pretty much the whole family (fiancee included) were some of the most welcoming people I'd ever met. They treated me like a family member from the very beginning and noticing how nervous I was they would try to make the dinner as easy going as they could. The guy in question, let's call him Jed? Would hold my hand under the table to calm me down ☆ 10

Or rub soothing circles over my the fabric of my jeans to distract me when a family member would embarrass him. I fell in love with his family as fast as I fell in love with him and I just couldn't believe I'd found someone so perfect. We'd make out until our lips were sore and he'd drop me off at home always leaving me with a feeling of sadness that I had to say goodbye. He made me so happy that I started to go out more, meeting my friends I was just in such a good mood because of him ☆ 11

no you must have been so nervous!!!!! i mean i get that he was low key but  still... parents are a big deal. i hope his intentions were rly pure and that he was that into you!! but im glad they were nice :”) 

I'd even dare to say he made me a better person in ways only I can understand. He'd text me what he was doing or who he was with every day, all the time, even if I didn't ask -which I never did. Sure, he wasn't perfect; sometimes he'd forget we had plans. I have a feeling he lied to me a couple of times but about nothing really major; sometimes he'd be in a bad mood and be sarcastic and annoying af but honestly nothing too bad. All in all I had absolutely nothing to complain about him☆ 12

It wasn't until around a month and a half into the 'relationship' that we went out for drinks and then back to his place that he tried to have sex with me (he'd waited to bring it up more than any other guy I'd ever met lol). I didn't directly tell him I was a virgin, he kinda guessed, and he was more than okay with it, even saying 'I'll wait as long as you want to'; and damn I didn't really want to wait that long, it was just that the time was never right! ☆ 13

At this point we'd both had dinner with his parents several times already. They told me in that household they'd set the habit of having dinner together every night, and were more than happy to let me into their little tradition. At more casual nights we'd sit down and watch some film on netflix, the parents and little brother always moving upstairs at the end and leaving us both alone to make out some more lol. I was even invited to his dad's birthday dinner at a fancy ass restaurant ☆ 14

this is so cute 😭 im just very ugh whenever a guy kinda hints at sex bc dude u gotta make me WANT it not just ask for it :/ but it sounds like he was super respectful!! and tbh im just very bad with other ppl’s parents, but his sounds rly perfect  😭 do such ppl even exist??? i cant even remember the last time i ate w my family :/ 

So by the third month I already felt part of that family tbh. I'd cooked alongside the mother like lifelong friends, and sat down for coffee after dinner to talk about how fast technology is moving with his dad. His little brother would tell jokes or ask me to teach him some guitar and I think they began to love me as much and as fast as I loved them, honestly. I was even invited to the dog's birthday part lmfao I was just unable to attend but was kindly provided with video memories ☆ 15

Everything was going so perfect, I think we could've lasted so much longer but maybe just the timing wasn't right. I still remember him dearly though, but back then I had my heart broken so bad that I simply wish I'd never met him. What hurt the most was growing so attached to his family and then out of the blue, and without a single chance to say goodbye I never saw any of them again. I should've known life isn't a movie or a book and nothing that starts so well can end just as happily ☆ 16

WHY ARE YOU USING PAST TENSE?????????? NO!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO SHAKEN RIGHT NOW bc this feels like that part in a book where the author’s just leading u towards that horribly devastating ending and that’s exactly what ur doing  😭

The last night I went to his house - btw we never visited MY house because MY family as much as I love them to death aren't as welcoming as his was with me, so until I knew FOR SURE this guy and I were serious, I decided to suggest activities that required not being at my place lol - the whole evening started weirdly. He'd been taking longer than usual to text me, and it was getting too late so I though we just weren't doing anything but he insisted he wanted to see me ☆ 17

And fuck, I wanted to see him to, once or twice a week just wasn't enough anymore and I missed his touch so badly. So I agreed for him to pick me up, even though he kind of strung me along for a few hours. By the time he picked me up I hadn't eaten, not knowing wth we were going to do but he said he'd had dinner before picking me up. Why would he though? He knew we had plans, which usually involved dinner, why not wait for me for eating? Either way, I'd missed him, I wasn't about to fight ☆ 18

We reached his place and his mom was already going upstairs for sleeping along with the little brother; the father was performing a surgery so we were alone at the living room together. He was a little tense and I didn't understand why, he said he was tired because he'd had class up until late and I asked if he just wanted me to leave but he asked me not to; he wanted to see me, he wanted me to stay. We cuddled on the couch and I had to wake him back up several times, growing annoyed ☆ 19

And when the dad got home he quickly got up and pretended to do something in the kitchen. The man had to eat and we had to wait for him to leave to sit back together, the whole situation was awkward af. I was wondering if I should just call a cab and leave, but he insisted not to. At around 2am (it was a friday) while making out he asked if I wanted to go up to his room, to which I said yes. He knew what that meant, so he was excited about it, going upstairs to check if his room was clear ☆ 20

Damn, I hit ask limit again :'( I'll have to leave it here right now but I swear I'll get to the point eventually lol I'm sorry!! also thank you for giving me your patience and space to tell this story, I feel like this way I can tell it without filters about what really happened or how I felt and actually receive honest unbiased opinions

omg i literally cannot believe u ended right there??????? i hate tumblr’s ask limit. im on the edge of my seat right now!!! thank you for taking the time to send me these, im so invested in ur story now its insane!! 

come back whenever you have time bb

[aitian]

5:43 am 12/29/2020

end of year.

feels right to revisit how i looked this yr on photobooth. most ppl only knew me through my webcam. i dont have many thoughts abt who i am or what im doing these days. mostly playing video games with alice. we smoked together a few days ago & i still feel like im in deadtime. like maybe i cant remember the important things im supposed to from the past. & rly existential lately. the panic is just in my throat, thinking abt how fast time is going & how there is no way back. i think there is a carceral logic behind the entrapment that all us depressed & anxious kids feel.. like the inadequacy of being alive, the failure to feel like a beautiful future is unfolding. im not sure anyone feels that way these days, & maybe thats why they r all holding on so desperately. all empires fall. im so grateful to be able to feel moms body & be her child these days. i just wanna lay my head on someones chest & feel good, warm, soft, coarse fabrics. also feeling anxious abt my classes, turning in the same essay that isnt rly an essay to all of my profs. oops. it was rly the best i could manage. vestigial body... i will finish writing smth i feel proud abt one day, & it will be written to myself. like this. 

idk when the last time i wrote was, but maybe i wanna talk abt my relationships. feels like i got a hard reset on my brain by smoking with alice. oh god. anyway i havent been talking to sherry & adele recently bc i just dont feel right around them. in november remembering again what it felt like to feel so unwelcome all the time, feel that energy & those manners replicated by them toward me.. ik i should just talk to people frankly abt the things im uncomfortable with at home now that i have so much practice doing it but i just dont want to. somehow it feels like they should all just know, that they are living alongside me all this time in various ways even if i am not saying things to them, & our actions that connect us in relationship are felt by them too. & there is some part of refusal to see the relationship for what it is. im not begging for some trans pity or for commitment.. those kinds of relationship arent real. what is real is wanting to spend time with me, wanting to experience some sort of exchange between bodies, wanting to walk toward near horizons. feels like everyone who listens & agrees when i speak just does it to be amicable. there are only so many ways i can reassure myself that ppl understand me for who i am, even when they are constantly being led astray to hurt me. like alice saying its good for doctors to have objective views of their patients, outside of any other relationship. mom saying that she trusted our teachers to teach us what we needed. getting weirdly gendered messages from friends at home, & never asked in good faith about how i feel. its rly so shitty that even questions like how was the day or what ru thinking rn or whats on the horizon r things they want me to ask, then dont want to answer, & make fun of bc they feel awkward saying anything. so stupid. its this kind of shit that holds me back from letting my desires be known, these rituals of repression & shame. & i always wanna hear ppls desires & then immediately regret asking to know that our relationship is in direct conflict with their utopias. so stupid.

today after dinner, which was in the late evening, mom & alice & i did some short yoga stuff & then we did silly lion dancing. im still sore. i stretched out everything that felt sort afterward. anyway, felt good to be goofy & sweat & breathe hard. 

what im feeling abt this year: - vestigial body x1000 --> dark room, heart beating fast, waiting & squeezing. theres that episode of midnight gospel when the dying dog/reindeer lady talks abt giving birth & dying, like squeezing & tensing & on no this moment will never end & then releasing & coming to rest & then all over again. & that is what i think abt every time i feel in panic now, or in a deep place of fear. there r some pains that cant be escaped, & they dont need to be. they r felt all the same.  - i made a new friend through q&a who is a kid im supposed to b mentoring. it just means that all relationships are reciprocal (i dont like that word either, but they r never simply one way or transactional) & we met every thursday during the school yr. i prepared short stories for us to read & writing prompts, & we wrote abt stuff.  - i just cant remember. all i remember abt this summer was going to stone valley with mom, feeling the sunlight & my tiredness (in an enveloping selse, toward my body & my spirit), playing games w sherry, playing some piano, & working on that fire emblem romhack. feels like the year went by so quickly. like i just had my birthday a few days ago, & now the new year means it is coming again soon. sometimes whole lives are vestigial. what is gruesome & magnificent abt that is that those vestigial bodies are hard to kill without clear intentions & collective effort. what sucks is the entrapment. i have been feeling this cant remember feeling in a bigger way, toward what my life was like before college, toward who i was in college now that i am so removed, & even more toward the kid whose world blossomed into smth they desperately desired & felt afraid of. middle school me would be horrified. maybe an even younger me would be proud, feel in awe or struck by the rightness of home. - i want to remember mom. the way she walks around with her hands in her pockets. 帅吗。:). how we skip/gallop sideways to avoid the wind on our walks, & she bounces when she walks like a silly kid. i love her. unruly gender, stubbornness of feelings, failure failure failure is why we r hurt but also why we r rly still allowed to be here. thinking abt moms essay, moving away from her grandma, thinking she would live together again someday. thinking abt how im home this yr, in a way i thought maybe i would never be ever again. its so cruel to leave love behind for the sake of a ritualized life i could never participate in. i wont do it. i just wont.

some feelings abt the coming year - i want to meet someone like myself & fall in love. deeply, with myself, in relationship. i wanna have sex too, & feel held in my being alive. i wanna be allowed to enjoy my body in even more regards like wearing short sleeves & feeling the sun on my arms free from dysphoria, existing in public not noticeably & feeling the evaporation of racial tension, waking up with that feeling of possibility, like i want to be alive & eat food & go outside & do those things in my body that remind me that i am a part of how the rest of this world is growing. i wanna be held in that knowing, together, of wellness & movement toward everything that means we matter to each other.  - playing video games has been so important to this vestige & i dont want it to remain that way. i wanna collect stuff & grow stuff in real life, & grow myself & my relationships too. its not living when its the mourning of the freedom i should have always had & should have every moment i am continuing to life unfreely. - i wanna do some stuff to express gratitude to the ppl i have continued some sort of relationship with. feel bad abt how no one has emailed me back in more than a month now. maybe wanna do a q&a chapbook or yearbook. complex feelings bc i am so not in relationship with the ppl i wanna care abt. it sucks. part of that is letting go of guilt too, & being real with myself abt how much responsibility is on the other body to make me feel okay in our relationships. its rly not my fault that, u kno.. everyone is used to making someone like me feel like shit. sad that my most continuous relationships this yr r with professors. those dumb feelings of obligation r killer. i guess im grateful to be legible in some ways, while feeling the intensely awkward unwillingness to be real abt our positions relative to each other. i think lots more happening in this regard in the coming months w classes, blk atlantic ecologies, maybe smth w prof lee. & sometimes thinking abt what grad school would mean. - i wanna feel slow, i wanna feel like myself, i wanna feel free. some feelings r sitting in the garden on my own in the spring, planting some stuff. thinking abt what it might grow into, coming back again & again. the sun ducks behind clouds & comes back out, & the world feels so light & passing by. & time feels forever, like i have so much patience to dream & breathe & observe. this is one of my early memories, watching shadows on the concrete/sidewalks at preschool, feeling warmer then colder then warmer again. i also wanna feel the kind of collectivity that makes me know we all insist on home. i want it to branch beyond this home that i know. & also mean that i will not throw this away. im thinking abt how to exist intimately with more than one person at once. it is smth i will learn as it comes into my life.

[gaybluesargent]

how about: Colin, Opal, Ashley, Gwenllian, the Grey Man ;) and the Hondayota

Colin Greenmantle: What languages do you speak?just english! the american education system failed to adequately teach me anything else rip

Opal Lynch: Describe your best friend.ok i hate this question A Little bc i don’t like ranking my friends bc i Really Really love n care about all my buds. but i have two friends that are my Literal Soulmates and i would never choose between them so. here this is inadequate bc i could write pages about them bc I Love Them Both So Much:- abby: fuckin,,, badass,,, strength like i can only aspire to… often carries many knives… mostly nocturnal… generally existential but still gets up and Makes It Happen every day?? proud of her?? also a fuckin geek tho,,, loves poetry and music and art.. i trust her with my life and all the messiest parts of it- biancs: s o f t ….. softest friend softest person… so bright, so sweet, so funny? patience of a saint… a constant gay inspiration… cries about cute animals... big ol sappy dork…!!! tbh just,, a balm on the unpleasantries of being a human… i’m basically never Not texting them bc they’re so good to just. Exist with. u know. even just through text. 

Ashley: Do you have knowledge about any topics people wouldn’t expect you to?most of my ‘’random knowledge’’ is like… about tv shows or books or bands, which i think is exactly what people expect, omg. but i know a fair amount about medicine too, despite being a gay ass humanities major who refused to ever step foot in a science class? bc i’ve had a lot of immediate family involved in the medical field in different ways and also bc i’m a hypochondriac fkjsd

Gwenllian: What’s your fav song/album/artist to listen to right now?i rly haven’t stopped listening to after laughter by paramore since the day it came out! but i can’t wait for the new pvris album it’s gonna be sooooo good :’) 

The Grey Man: Describe your ideal date.….. uh… shit…. probably just like. let’s drive to my fav grilled cheese restaurant and sing rly loud to pop punk in the car and overshare about our lives and interests and then go home and binge watch reruns of something until we slip into a food coma. but like. that’s not A Date. i do that with my friends at literally every available opportunity omg. but it’s good and i love it and it’s my favorite way to hang out ok!!! Romance? i don’t know her. i only know SuperFriendship.

The Hondayota: Do you have any goals you are working towards?always always always working toward writing goals! i’ve got two novels i want to get Finished but they both need lots of revision before i can call them manuscripts/get them beta’d and edited… & i’ve got a short story idea that i want to maybe publish as a chapbook-type thing, hopefully before the end of the year!

trc ask game!!

[assholemurphy]

going thru the glasya tag and seeing ppl who’ve summoned him talking about how ‘feral’ and ‘dangerous’ he is and i’m thinking, this is the guy who watched buzzfeed unsolved and laughed at shane’s criticism of demons??? the guy who calls me ‘little one’ and talks me thru every occult question i have no matter how many stupid mistakes i make??? the guy who misses his sister and feels guilty for her falling??? like, what did you do to him to make him hate you?? bc i’ve been talking to him off and on since i was 16 and he’s never been anything but nice, kind of an asshole, but i’m an asshole, too, so it’s fine, and like, he’s the guy who hangs out with me after night terrors and just like, calms me down and teaches me how to protect myself?? the fuck did you do to piss him off? cause if you’re being a little bitch to him, i will personally fight you. i love him and i will kick your ass for saying nasty shit about him. he’s a bit angry at god, understandably, and has no patience for bullshit, but otherwise he’s a very sweet guy? who is willing to help with science hw? and basically just wants to hang out and talk about things bc he’s bored? i mean, he acts like an angry, emo teenager ffs, how is that dangerous? ofc, i’m not saying he’s not powerful, he is, but like, he’s not the utter bastard these ppl are saying he is and i’m rly fucking pissed. back of my patron, alright? you don’t deserve to talk to him. go summon amon and get your ass roasted by hellfire, dipshits.

[ivurisuremade]

teach me how to make edits, your edits and icons are so great

THIS IS SUCH A LATE REPLY AH– I originally had a reply typed up fr this but it got lost / deleted or sth like that ahaha, apologies anon!!

it’s so nice of u to say this thank u, my graphics rly aren’t that great; i’m actually a lot more rusty now honestly when it comes to making them but! i wouldn’t mind teaching u how to make them, granted it takes patience & time but it’s def achievable!! i’ve still got a long way to go myself

if u wanna msg me at some point i can probs teach u then, the main thing i use is photoshop & it’s good to have resources on hand– like i have a GIANT folder full of pictures (space themes etc) that i add onto my graphics that help me a shit ton if i can get them to work lmao.

graphic making is rly fun for me tho it can be time consuming but i lov it sm