#this stuff is all from redthreaded

[gh-0-stcup]

It wouldn't be one of my old timey fashion spams without another post, would it?

Some more stays and corsets under the cut.

This is a reproduction of stays from the 1740s-1770s. Seeing it on an actual person gives a better feel for the silhouette. It's an iconic enough shape that I probably don't need to be posting multiple examples, but I just really love the look.

This one's not really relevant to Buffyverse period fics, but I'm putting it in because I feel Regency fashion deserves an honorable mention.

Honestly, it's kind of a shame Dru wasn't a Regency vamp. I feel like it would have fit her so well. But, that also only leaves Darla and Angelus with 60-ish years together causing mayhem before settling down and having their first kid. So it makes sense timeline wise that she came later.

Here's an example of a corset Drusilla might have worn. Hips getting wider and, 130 years after Isaac Newton's death, tits are starting to acknowledge the existence of gravity.

If you happen to like this sort of thing and have a chunk of cash to spare, this is the website these corsets are from. You can purchase any one of them or get one made custom made for you. Pretty flipping cool, eh?!

[titleleaf]

so many words about historical men's corsetry

(This got way too long to send via Discord -- Dangimace in the Renegade Bindery server asked about men's corset sewing/resource recs so here is my half-assed and non-exhaustive rundown. Most of my historical sewing is focused on fashions of the UK, US, and Europe for the second half of the 18th century and first half of the 19th century, so that bias is reflected here; also disclaimer overall that "menswear"/"womenswear" are socially constructed categories and real people's bodies have always looked a wider variety of ways than fashion and other social forces would dictate. I sew historical garments with enthusiastic disregard for the historical gender binary and I'm barrel-chested, thick-waisted, and narrow-hipped no matter what I'm wearing.)

Onward, lads!

Ok wrt men's corsetry: there's a whole lot of fogginess around how historical men's corsets were constructed for a bunch of annoying reasons but that means there's lots of possibilities to explore in pattern drafting and project planning. Stays and other stiffened body-shaping garments have a whole complex conceptual relationship to the body basically as soon as they start appearing. 16th and 17th century garments do a whole lot of shaping (both compressing and building up) for men and women alike, but things really kick off in the 18th century in terms of the symbolic weight placed on stays and (later) corsets. Whole lot of stuff about gender, social class, race, fatness, morality, etc. getting projected onto these garments. So I'm a little leery about people taking obviously satirical illustrations of fashion-victim dandies or Gross Corpulent Libertines getting laced into corsets as truthful and indicative of the way men were really dressing -- scurrilous gossip and exaggeration are both a pain to sift through if we want to know which men wore corsets, what kind, and why.

In the very late 18th/early 19th century corsets were part of the repertoire for achieving highly fashionable shapes in menswear. (Along with a whole lot of padding.) They weren't mandatory for all dudes, but for fashion-forward dandies and equally fashion-forward military men, male corsets/stays were definitely a thing. The whole Romantic-era pigeon-breasted, narrow-waisted silhouette can be emulated by shapewear worn beneath the clothes, pads in the garments themselves, or both; in addition to waist reduction it helped to maintain smooth visual lines underneath close-fitting garments.

(look at these minxy 1830s dudes and their tiny waists)

As the century goes on the desired menswear silhouette becomes boxier and less fitted, and male corsetry recedes into the background; we start to see patents and advertisements for men's corsetry, so they still seem to have been worn, but there's a lot more language around vigorous manly athleticism and supporting the structures of the body. It can be hard to tell whether a particular piece is intended to be worn primarily for some medical purpose or for its perceived aesthetic benefits. This is giving me such flashbacks to trying to find post-surgical compression garments.

(Side note: there's also a vigorous tradition of fetishist writing about corsetry all through the 19th century, in fairly mainstream channels, which is fascinating. Due to the relatively private and deeply horny nature of fetish tightlacing we don't necessarily know as much about what those same letter-writers may have "really" worn at home, but I hope they were having fun.)

I've seen very few specifically men's corsetry patterns from historical pattern-makers-- not even really big names like Redthreaded. I sewed my 19thc menswear corsets from the men's underbust pattern in Laughing Moon Mercantile #113 which afaik is speculative rather than reproducing a specific historical garment, but it's not too different from the women's late-19th-century underbust patterns in the same pattern pack.

(image credit: LMM)

However, a lot of underbust and waist-cincher patterns from more general historical patternmakers could be made suitable with some minor alterations. Here I'd also rec books like Jill Salen's Corsets: Historical Patterns And Techniques and Norah Waugh's Corsets & Crinolines, though their focus is definitely on womenswear and you need to be relatively comfortable scaling up or drafting from pattern diagrams.

The structural features and desired results for a man's corset are pretty much the same as any other corset (back support, compression in some areas, etc.) even when the desired silhouette is different; commercially-created patterns are drafted with the expectation of certain bodily proportions so like with all corset-sewing it's important to make a mockup for fitting purposes. (I ended up liking one of my mockups so much I finished the process and made it a whole separate corset.) I don't know much about this area but I seem to see a lot more belt-and-buckle closures and criss-crossing straps in corsets designated as being for men -- this might be a byproduct of gendered differences in how people got dressed, but it might be nothing.

There's some weird and wonderful historical examples, both extant and in images -- I appreciated this post at Matsuzake Sewing, "A Brief Discussion Of Men's Stays", and its accompanying roundup of images on Pinterest though the tone wrt historical fetishwear corsets in the blog post is a little snippy. I really want to make a replica of Thomas Chew's 1810s corset (which you can read more about here at the USS Constitution Museum) but it incorporates stretch panels made with a shitload of metal springs and I'm not ready for all the trial and error trying to replicate that.

(image credit: USS Constitution Museum Collections)

There's a pretty rich vein of modern men's corset patterns which seem like they could be easily pattern-hacked for historical costuming purposes, like these with shoulder straps from Corsets By Caroline or DrobeStoreUpcycling's waist cincher which also looks like it could be altered pretty easily to cinch with straps and buckles like some 19thc men's corsetry does. This pattern for a boned chest binder in vest form by KennaSewLastCentury is also really cool but I didn't get a chance to sew it pre-top-surgery. (I think I've also seen someone who made a chest-compressing variation on Regency short stays, but I can't find it now.) 

In general a lot of underbust and waist-cincher patterns should work just fine for silhouette-shaping without much bust/hip emphasis -- my usual resource for free corset patterns (Aranea Black) recently took down all her free patterns but they're definitely still circulating out there. For general fashion purposes the sky is the limit and there are a lot of enthusiastic dudes in corsets out there. This Lucy Corsetry round-up shows a variety of modern corsetiers'  styles designated as being for men or more masculine silhouettes (including a SUPER aspirational brocaded corset with matching waistcoat made by Heavenly Corsets that I'd love to sew a historical spin on) and you can see some commonalities and possibilities for body-shaping.

I can also give some more general corset-sewing resources but I'm very much in the learning process here and I'd love any recs or input from people more experienced in pattern-drafting and corset-sewing.

[crowtoed]

Sybil’s 1740s Stays Build: Part 1, Drafting/Fitting

Tumblr is a WAAAAAY better format costuming posterity tbh, so here’s a bit of a slapshod build... log? (They’re like 2/3 done, whoops) for these stays. While I based my Molly Grue cosplay on an 18th c. silhouette, I’ve wanted to give a proper, historical set of stays a try for a while, doing as much by hand as possible to prove that I’m capable of making something even the reenactor crowd could respect. (INVITE ME TO JOIN YOUR WEIRD WOOL-CLAD CLUB) But I also wanted PRETTY UNDERPINNINGS, the kind of thing silkbaron features or something. Kind of thing that gets an ‘ooh’ represented by high def pics in a costuming portfolio. Ah, projects equally rooted in petty ambition and artistic curiosity... anyway... Since I’m working on a cosplay for ‘dragonkeeper’ Lady Sybil and drawing on a lot of 18th c. influence (and my Molly set are SUPER comfy) I looked for a historical pattern that I liked. Being a Ramkin, surely Sybil could afford a set of elegant, albeit indestructible stays?

Hot shit, my dudes. (From Norah Waugh’s ‘Corsets and Crinolines’, which I’ll actually buy when I can afford a copy. THANKS PINTEREST)

I’m in a weird place between straight and plus size. Honestly I could get away with a half-boned set of stays like what Redthreaded sells, but MAN I love the sturdy, exoskeleton-like, all over compression of fully-boned ones. As we’ll see later, the downside of this is that you need a metric crapton of boning channels and a similar amount of stiffening. This is also when I’d heard about that newfangled ‘artificial whalebone’ stuff the skinny costumers on the youtubes were aflutter about (I’m not just being salty, this will come into play later as mistakes are made). So step one: Drafting

Norah Waugh uses a perplexing non-gridded scale in C&C Underpinnings Factory (something that will make you want to kiss the feet of Ninya Mikhaila and the Tudor Tailor team). I could have had my photoshop wizard of a spouse blow up the pattern and through a little trial, error, and sharpie-ing fitted the pattern accordingly- but I’m a goddamned spite gremlin who needed a self-esteem boost in he middle of a pandemic. So I used math.  First I figured out the measurements of the original garment by cutting out the thumbnail pieces and using the scale legend as a ruler. I took my own waist and bust measurements to figure out the ratio of the original wearer to me and used that as the general equation to plot my pattern points. Fudging to fit my own numbers (slightly different waist-hip proportions) or to make the pattern ‘make sense’ happened, but I got over it. Humans struggling to clothe their meat suits and doing a little handwavey geometry in the process is historically authentic. I wish I could turn this in as very overdue schoolwork for math credit.

Another adaptation I made were areas that weren’t as boning dense to cut costs. In hindsight this didn’t help the bottom line much, but it was going to happen anyway since I changed up the angles of the original pattern (and therefore the channel layout). To make my life easier mocking up, I wanted to try the cardboard and duct tape stays method that made its way around the internet a few years’ back. I used 2mm chip board, a roll of the silver stuff, and some cord and.. it was an utter goddamned disaster. You know when there’s a hole in the bottom of a rowboat and you’re just bailing and bailing, but more water just keeps seeping through. Then eventually the whole thing floods and sinks, forcing you to abandon ship? That was my experiment with cardboard stays. (Note: Cardboard as an analogue for the stomacher panels, however, worked great.)

Then I switched to a sparsely-boned mockup cut out of bits of cotton duck/canvas I had lying around and cable ties. As you can see, there are Problems. The back’s too long, the tabs don’t spread out from my natural waist, there was a massive sideboob spillout, and the waist was too tight- creating that bowed gap in the lacing. Not great, not terrible. Fixed it in the next draft. Since I was feeling a bit confident and o-so zesty, I did v2 out of two layers of (again) sparsely stiffened canvas. If this version fit with minimal tweaks, I’d use it as the boned ‘core’ of my stays. I cannibalized the columns of grommets from v1 and basted them to the mockup to save time (and potentially my interlining, since I’d be doing hand-bound eyelets on the real thing). 

(Caption: I am absolute shit with a tracing wheel- nobody one ever taught me. Above is some semi-successful grinding.)

No pics because I was by myself, but it fit pretty well! In fact I only ended up replacing one of the panels since that side-boob issue hadn’t completely resolved. 

With the mockup canvases good to go, I went ahead and machined all of the boning channels. Then I steeled myself for the next stage: handsewing ALL of those channels through the nice outer fabric I’d chosen. Of course more mistakes were made, but we’ll get into that in part 2...

[gemsofthegalaxy]

I really want to like Redthreaded because they do a lot of great stuff for historical corsetry but a few of the things about them bug me a lot...

First of all, their custom plus size corsets cost more than regular sizes. I know they explain that they’re not a big business and “they can’t balance the cost out like big companies do”, but literally why not make them all cost the amount that it costs to do a plus sized one? “it’s not fair” to the skinny people, but you’re fine putting that financial burden on the group that already has way less access to fashion... whatever

and then, despite ranging from xs-5xl, their patterns are single size. I assume this is just because they’re niche and need to make money, but it’s kinda annoying because if you’re trying to grade the pattern at all, it’s helpful to see the difference between the sizes. there are some patterns from other companies out there that ONLY come in single size so this isn’t as grave, but it’s a bit weird to me that they have multi-sizes but choose to only sell single sizes (esp at the prices they have like... perhaps if they were in a range of sizes like xs-L and xl-5xl or something that would be incredibly nice lol)

and finally, again on the topic of their patterns- every one of the corset patterns says “This pattern is recommended for those with moderate-advanced historical sewing skills. Corsets are not beginner projects.”

like you really could just say the first sentence without saying the second one. I don’t know if it’s because their instructions are very historical in nature but, seriously, i half-finished a pair of stays, then made 2 pairs of PJ pants, and then jumped right into corsetry. i still very much consider myself a beginner but I was fairly successful in my endeavor, and I just think it’s unfairly discouraging to have that statement.

I get they want to communicate that corsets can be complicated but they are actually a lot less scary than people might think. and it’s weird to me that they’d have such a discouraging statement when there is so much ~mystique~ and corsets are seen as more scary than they really should be. like maybe they got complaints from people and that’s why it says that, but... yeah idk.

anyway this is all very personal opinion on this matter. I really like the shape of their 1860s gored corset but also- I have a gored corset pattern already so maybe i could figure out how to do the hip in that way without having to spend money on their stuff

[vincentbriggs]

Found you via the dinosaurs but also wanted to say hi over here. I also am trying to get into historical costuming and would love to make a career out of it. Unfortunately you can’t exactly find classes on corsetry and stays-construction just anywhere. Any tips?

Hi to you too! Hmm, well I have made a few pairs of stays before (years ago, so they weren’t particularly good), but I don’t have a huge amount of resources on womenswear because I mostly just sew 18th century mens stuff. But I do know Redthreaded has some patterns & supply kits, and they do really good work.

https://redthreaded.com/collections/make-your-own-corsets

The Cut of Women’s Clothes by Norah Waugh is a very good book of patterns, but sadly it’s very expensive. Might be worth asking your local library to acquire though?

Patterns of Fashion 5 is, by all accounts, an excellent and extensively researched book with many patterns and a LOT of information on 18th century undergarments:

https://shop.theschoolofhistoricaldress.org.uk/product/patterns-of-fashion-5-the-content-cut-construction-and-context-of-bodies-stays-hoops-and-rumps-c-1595-1795/

The other Patterns of Fashion books are also worth looking into. They have so much detailed information.

Not sure what era you’re looking to do specifically, but if it’s 18th century then this book (and the accompanying one) is very good and useful, though I don’t think it has stays:

https://www.american-duchess.com/book/american-duchess-guide

(Costume Close Up 1750-1790 also has a bunch of women’s garments in it, with very detailed construction information.)

If it’s 19th century then Historical Sewing has some classes on corsets, as well as other stuff:

https://classes.historicalsewing.com/

The Laced Angel hasn’t posted in years, but has some tutorials on her blog:

http://thelacedangel.blogspot.com/p/how-tos-collection-of-useful-posts-and.html

The Dreamstress also has an Edwardian corset pattern, and a skirt one (there’s a link to buy it in her blog sidebar) and she also has many other tutorials for various things:

http://thedreamstress.com/category/make/

Farthingales has a lot of corset making supplies. I got some metal boning and eyelets from them years ago, and it’s good:

https://www.farthingalescorsetmakingsupplies.com/

Tips? Zip ties make decent boning for stays. And I’ve heard very good things about German plastic boning, which is meant to imitate baleen. Sewing the boning channels is easier by machine, but sewing the binding on is easier by hand, especially around the tabs.Hand sewn eyelets are time consuming, but pretty easy to do, and there are lots of tutorials online. You just need a hefty awl to poke a big hole, and then go around the edges a lot of times. (NOT with a buttonhole stitch, just round and round the edges plainly)

If you’re making corded panels then it’s MUCH easier to sew the cording in with a zipper foot. (I have tried this before, and it is pretty easy. Neat corrugated panels.)  But if you’re doing the fancier lattice-y early 19th century corset cording then it’s best to sew it in by hand. (I have not done this before, but it sounds reasonable.) It’s best to have multiple shifts. I know they’re boring to sew, but a good supply of clean linen underthings is very important for any historical wardrobe!

That’s all I can think of at the moment. If anyone who actually sews historical women’s clothes has more to add that would be most welcome!

[redthreadtugs-blog]

Debrief

k: that was quite a conversation today

J: Yes it was. I knew it would be.

k: I did too. We did a good job with it I thought.

J: Pretty good. Good to have that conversation, it’s time, maybe past time. But definitely necessary.

k: mmmm. Pretty good? Did we fail in some way in your view?

J: We didn’t fail in any way to my mind.

k: I didn’t think we failed in any way either. I agree it was food to have the conversation.  To have some baseline clarity on things.  We were ready to have it a few weeks ago, but frankly, I think we are in a better to have it now than if we had had it sooner.  So... things happen the way they happen... and I am no sorry in the end about the timing.

J: Nor am I sorry about the time. It it what it is. We make the best of what comes our way.

k: indeed.  I so appreciate who you are.

J: smiles* blush. Thank you.

k: how you think and ask me to think.

J: You think how you think

k: No... what I mean is, you ask me questions that prompt my thinking....not make me think in a particular way.  You ask me questions that cause me to think.

J: ok

k: it’s a great quality.

J: you do that for also for me.

k: thank you.  I am glad.

J: thoughtful, meaningful conversations. Don’t always wanna do that of course.

k: yes.  exactly.

J: But it’s nice to know that we can. not shying away from the difficult stuff.

k: Sometimes it’s nice to just bullshit about politics or debrief our day, or flirt or be silly.  But I know you can go as deep for as long as I can.  Thank you for that.

J: exactly.  thank you.

k: it feels like a long road to get here. To where a conversation like today is possible.

J: it was/ is

k: it’s interesting... listening to you today... you sounded.. felt both completely honest with me and somehow a bit guarded too.  It felt a bit off to me at times.  I don’t know if you know what I mean.  Or if I was mis-perceiving.

J: observant. I was trying not to say something and it being misinterpreted or misunderstood.  Or say something and it being misunderstood.  Trying to be methodical.

k: okay.  so... you were feeling cautious/ guarded about your choice of words more so than feeling guarded about wanting to proceed in this project with me?

J: yes. I wanted also for you to feel free to say what is true for you.

k: nods.  okay.  thank you.  That actually helps. ‘Cause I was tending to read it the other way.  As you being guarded with your heart.  Tentative about wither you want to proceed.

J: I see that. I won’t deny there was some of that.

k: I want to say... that I was quite determined to way what was true for me.  Part of why I made so many notes and writings ahead of time.  So I would not get lost in the moment.

J: For me... this conversation and it’s parts aslo are helping me to release thosse guards.

k: ((((((Jameson)))))) I am glad to hear that.

J:  ((((((Kezziah)))))) love you darling.

k: I also want you to hear clearly... and I tried to say this already, but I am gonna say it again, that while I listed out things I might like or hope for as possible adds in the BDSM side of the equation, these items all feel like wants more than needs to me... and are highly negotiable going forward.   Love you darling.

J: I hear you.

k: you asked me... why you? how come I don’t hook up with some other guy to get my kink on?

J: yea.

k: There isn’t anyone else that gets me.  Not like you do. That has shown 1/100 the willingness to invest in me.  In being my friend.  In being as vulnerable to me as I want to be.  That genuinely shares my values on so many different axis. All that stuff is why you are my match.  Better for me than anyone else I have ever met.  Or really can imagine meeting.

J: thank you for saying so.

k: we are both unusual people.  part of why we get along

J: indeed we are.

k: I remember.. at the very beginning.. before I went to Haida Gwaii... telling you that what I care about is the person... More than anything else.  I don;t ever want stuff from you that you don’t feel.  That isn’t you.

J:  thank you for all of your time and attention today

k: thank you for your time.  for you energy.  attention.  willingness to keep engaging with me.  I know I am not always easy.

J: I am not easy either.

k: nods.  But I love you anyway. All the time.

J: good night darling.

k: goodnight.

©redthreads

陪同

[estelofimladris]

Day 17. Plaid for @redthreaded's #fallforcostume I'm actually really disappointed that I couldn't find more plaid stuff for this day. I have used plaid mostly in suiting and things in my life, BUT I do have this really fun rendering I did of young Malcolm X in my first year of grad school when we were designing the film as a paper project. I learned so much taking this class and working through all of Malcolm's life. This zoot suit was only one of many costumes I recreated from actual photographs of him for my design. . #costumeillustration #malcolmx #costumedesign https://www.instagram.com/p/CGikk1CDmZY/?igshid=1wgfdk76kdejq

[aristides-steele]

Day 24 - here we go 😊 - I really enjoy @redthreaded 's #fallforcostume #challenge, not only are there a lot of amazing things to see from other participants, it also gives me a good reason for daily posts, although I'm still busy with commissions ... Today : Accessories I make a lot of them, mostly for my shops at Etsy and DaWanda. They aren't my main range of products, but it's always a nice addition, and since a lot of them require mostly handstitching, I love to make them while watching series and stuff. Something that I especially love to make are ties and bow ties - you know why? Yes, because they are cool 😁 Here's one of my "Dandy Bows", suitable for all genders and a lot of styles like Victorian and Lolita or Ouji. They're pre-tied and adjustable and unfortunately, this one is the last I've left, all others are sold. Seems like I need to make new ones soon .. Btw You can buy this one, if you like it - timetravelingtailor.etsy.com #bow #bowtie #cameo #victorian #lolitafashion #lolita #ouji #prince #jaquard #etsy #etsyseller #handmade #costumedesign #designer #fashion #fashiondesign #style #picoftheday #gothicfashion #gothicstyle #gothic #thetimetravelingsewingcase

[carrhunger]

#fallforcostume Challenge issued by @redthreaded Day 7 is machinery. This was the toughest. So much of what we do involves ‘mech’. Everything from flapping fairy wings to all the steampunk stuff so I chose MUT (mechanical universal Tracker). He may not be a costume but he truly is his own character. #cosplayer #maker #propmaker #makergonnamake #cosplay #robot #mechanical https://www.instagram.com/p/B3Ux2VrD-HG/?igshid=nz5eyv5fcb5i

[indelikatt]

I’m so inspired by all the posts I’m seeing so I guess I’m jumping on the bandwagon and participating in @redthreaded’s s #fallforcostume fun!! • Since I’m behind I’m going to double dip for day 1 (intro) and day 2 (red). My name is Rebecca (or Becca, or hey you...so long as it isn’t Becky!). I’m a West Virginian who has found a home in Louisville. I’ve always loved historical fashion and have done some costuming/cosplay stuff since I was 10 here and there. My favourite things to do are using found items/fabrics to create ensembles, especially things I can thrift/repurpose. I love Regency and medieval fashion most, but honestly if it’s from before 1920 I’ll probably find something to love about it. • Here I am wearing a hat for the fashion show at the #janeaustenfestival in July. I do not own it but it was AMAZING and I fell in love with it!! Red is also one of my favourite colors, especially the deep red of this hat. Please check out @janeaustenfestival_ky for info about our winter ball (where @zachpinsent will be a guest speaker!) or next summers festival! • #historicalfashion #regencyfashion #cosplay #janeausten #sewing #thriftysewing #historicaldress #periodcostume #fallforcostume #regencyhat https://www.instagram.com/p/B3JEiAzpUie/?igshid=na3aaa5v0pwf

[tikitwoflower]

I'm taking place in @redthreaded 's #fallforcostume challenge, and day 1 is intro. I have a little to say, but I'd rather you ask me stuff! So hi, I'm Tiki, I've been sewing & crafting & costuming since childhood and formally cosplaying for 7 years. I'm a bit of a jack of all trades, best known for cosplaying cartoon/animated characters, especially from the Borderlands game series. What else do you want to know? #cosplay #cosplayer #cosplayers #cosplayersofinstagram #igers #cosplaymodel #cosplaygirl #gamer #fun #theme #themed #challenge #geek #nerd #art #artist #instacosplay #elf #elven #selfie #ama #askmeanything https://www.instagram.com/p/B3E5FXgj2fq/?igshid=dfqca9m4wmjc

[larissareinhart]

Happy Gotcha Day to our Short Stuff and all the girls adopted from Ningdu orphanage 12 years ago. This happy girl still makes us laugh and brings us so much joy. Blessings to all in the adoption community. A special blessing to our daughter’s birth parents today, too. We’re so grateful for the family God created for us even if our children were born across the world. #gotchaday #redthread #adoption #adoptionrocks #foreverfamily #reinhartsingeorgia (at Peachtree City, Georgia)

[redthreadtugs-blog]

unfiltered

5/30/16

K: Darling....I love that we can have a hard talk like we did yesterday,  and be good together today. Easy and companionable.  Remembering and building on our friendship together. Thank you for that

J: You are welcome, and thank you

K: Makes me happy to laugh with you

J: It was hard stuff to talk about without creating misunderstandings

K: Yes. But we did it

J: We did

K: And we didn't get bowed up

J: Right

K: It was not hard cause we misunderstood each other. It was hard cause we are at two different places at the moment.

J: And I felt like got through some fear points and kept our relationship growing

K: Yes. I think so. Definitely. We are leaning on our friendship. On each other.  Doing really good clean communication.

J: I hope so.

K: It feels that way to me.

J: You and I have said that before.

K: Yes.

J: It feels that way to me too

K: There are differences from the past

J: Yes

K: We are both working really hard. Being really deliberate. I’m staying really in touch with how I’m feeling.

J: It helps.

K: I’m not just saying that how things are work for me. I know you heard me say how I feel.

J: Yes indeed

K: And it’s prolly not entirely comfortable for you to hear that ‘cause it’s not where you are I’m not saying anything to accommodate you. It’s just where I am.

J: Yes I appreciate it, truly

K: I know you do. And I understand and respect where you are at the moment.

J: And I appreciate that Where I am actually makes me more uncomfortable than where you are I will sort it though.

K: Well honey...come on over...the couch is comfy over here....

J: Grinnnns.... I have no doubt

K: You know...tonight...I was rereading our hard lunch fight when I got so upset two weeks ago. At a certain point in all that you kinda got resigned and said that since you couldn't talk to me without me getting all upset, you would just have to figure stuff out for yourself.

J: Yes I recall that

K: So. Ummm....

J: So I guess that lasted a couple weeks.

K: Which part?

J: Trying to solve stuff on my own.

K: Deep breath.... I am not offering to do this right now. Its late.... But. I feel like i am in a better place than i was 2 weeks ago.

J: Smiles*

K: And idk where you are. But, I don't want you to feel alone figuring stuff out. I want to be a partner to you. Able to look you in the eye and respond to questions. Even if the best I have is...I don't have the faintest idea

J: Yea same with me on that. I know your emotions are running hot on this too

K: Yea.

J: I don't want to be the guy that says don't do them. I want you to do them

K: But.  A couple things. I feel more solid in myself.

J: Yea?

K: I feel more confident in our friendship. Again

J: Good

K: And...we said some things that were pretty smart if we can remember them.

    1) reflective listening is a tool we know how to use effectively

J: Yes. It’s a great tool

K: 2) don't open a can if you aren't prepared to handle the hard stuff

J: Yes. Very true

K: 3) I asked you to help me derail my anxiety when you notice i start to lose it. The getting loud thing

K: And in text, I think when I start to get anxious it looks like a wall of text. Same as me getting loud.

J: Yes, I have seen that. What is it you think helped you to feel more solidly yourself again?

K: Idk. I think...it’s therapeutic for me to work in my studio I think...

J: I believe so. It’s one of the reasons I kept after you about it

K: And, as more time has passed from our break, I have gotten more perspective on us, on me with you. On both the ways that wer excellent, and the ways that might have been unhealthy at moments.

J: Yes

K: I’ve gotten clearer about how I want to be. How I want to communicate. Clearer about what I gotta own.

J: Good. Smiles* Both of us being emotionally distraught makes all that processing so hard to do. Time helps with that

K: Feeling that smart sass.

J: Smiles* There she is.

K: I love that you love my spirit. And here is another thing. And idk why I was unsure of this before....

J: Uh huh

K: But I have gotten more and more sure that you really do love me for me. You don't want to squelch me or keep me quiet.  And that feels really good.

J: I like that. It is true and always has been. Just I had not been real clear on that and instead created a place where you found fear of me and went with that in the fashion you did

K: Yea. Smh.

J: I have always wanted you to be you. Always.

K: So...we are doing new things with each other

J: Yes

K: Even as we do old things

J: Nods

K: I guess. Also...I have been feeling quite unself-conscious about the things I have been liking and writing on our tumblr. Can you tell?

J: I can yes. I have too

K: Good.

J: And that’s as it should be

K: Yea. Exactly. I’m not doing anything to impress or prove. I’m just being. Kinda unself-consciously being

J: I like that very much

K: I feel pretty raw a lot.

J: Yea?

K: Unfiltered i guess My emotions are raw

J: Yes. I see you settling though

K: I don't have any space for figuring out how to contain them. Just feel them Yea. You know.....helping T. has helped me a lot.

J: Me too

©redthreads

陪同

[redthreadtugs-blog]

Water under the bridge

k: I am so grateful we are still friends. no matter what else. and thank you for checking on me.

J: You are welcome. I don’t want you to be compromised in any way.

k: it’s good we ended when we did. I had trouble pulling it together to be honest. I keep thinking that I am done being upset. and then... you say something. or I read something. or I remember something. I did not want you seeing me cry so hard. that was not why I wanted to have a face to face conversation. I am so sorry.

J: Don’t be sorry.

k: I just really wanted to see you.

J: It is what it is.

k: to look you in the eyes. to have it be face to face.

J: yea? why?

k: for us to have to see... not just hear each other. To look you in the eye as I responded to whatever questions you had. so you could judge whether I was lying to you. I want to be straight with you.  forever more. no matter how hard it is.

J: I much prefer that.

k: I got lost. I didn’t know how to tell you.  I got afraid. I was more afraid of fighting with you. when I should have figured out how to tell you things.  I know I failed you.  I am so disappointed in myself.  I expected more of myself.

J:  I have done my share of such things.

k: I want to thank you for engaging with me on this stuff.  I know it would be simpler to just walk away. wash your hands of me.

J: thank you

k: I am grateful that it matters to you as much as me to try to get to someplace with each other.  Some place new.

J: Simpler maybe.  Not at all easy.

k: Nods*  I was careful in my words there.

J: Yes, you were.

k: I am trying very hard... to be precise...  to be careful.  Not because I am worried but because I know my words carry weight right now especially.

J: Do you question whether you have chosen poorly in trying to stick with me? Am I toxic to you?

k: no. you are not toxic to me. I have never felt that. And no. I do not think that I chose poorly to be with you, to stick with you.  No... not at all.  I continue to affirmatively choose you. You know, I wrote up a long essay of the history as I see it of how I made all of those fateful decisions and everything else...

J: I am not surprised.

k: I reread it after our conversation this afternoon. One of the things that I wrote in that essay, very clearly in a long paragraph was about all of the ways you were really good for me.  Made me happy.  And feel safe and good.

J: *smiles. I am glad there is some of that somewhere

k: that... it felt so important to me to say that in the context of an essay that explained how I made such an egregious set of decisions in reaction to some stuff from you.  There is SO MUCH of that.  So much of how you made me feel wonderful. In a million ways.  You need to know this.  Feel it. This morning... I saw my trainer for the first time in about 10 days.  He said to me... “good morning beautiful” as he gave me a hug. I swear, I almost sobbed in his arms. All I could hear was your voice. All I wanted to hear was your voice. And I hugged him so tight and so long and I teared up a bit.  Desperately trying to not cry in the middle of the gym.

J: I seem to be a little stuck in your head.

k: yea. you are.  Prolly permanently. And that is part of the good stuff.  That... you see me beautiful.

J: In more ways than one, yes. 

k: I know you are kinda shut down right now. You can’t or won’t or don’t want to feel things for me anymore.  I am not gonna push on that.  I think you need time.  I don't know how much time. Maybe a lot. But, darling. It made me so happy to see your handsome face.  Even your serious, not too happy face. It made me happy to look into your eyes. To watch your body language. Are you glad you did our conversation face to face today?

J: I don’t know.  It was good to see you. Wish it was different circumstances.

k: yea.  me too. I wore red and purple 

J: yes. you did.  I like it. Before I go to bed tonight, I want to tell you... I very much appreciate your time and attention.  Your willingness to stand and fight with me, your friend. It is one thing to fight against strangers, quite another to stand up to your friends when it is necessary. It is a different kind of courage.  I admire courage in most of its forms. Thank you for giving me your best in this.  I am still unsure that I deserve it, but I thank you nonetheless, all the more.

k: I only wish I had had more courage sooner. As you have always deserved it,

J: We both have our wishes for things we cannot change in the past. I appreciate that to.

k: Yes we do.  Water under the bridge

J: It is, yes.

k: I pray we may see and know each other better for having endured all this.

J: I imagine that is the case. It is a fine prayer.

k: and that we both are able to be stronger in ourselves and with each other in our friendship.

J: We seem to maybe be heading that way.

k: it seems possible. I am more hopeful tonight that I was last night. I have not slept well lately. I am hoping that as things settle down between us, my sleep will improve.

J: Goodnight my friend

k: goodnight.  I love you so much.  I am your octopus.

J: I do love you.

k: I know darling.

©redthreads

陪同

[wordsinwinters]

Then Again P12  Peter Parker x Reader

Author’s Note:

Hello, everyone! 

First: Thank you so much to everyone who’s reblogged this fic, commented on it, and sent me such lovely messages! It means so much more than I can ever say 🌷🌷🌷

Second: I’m almost at 300 followers! Thank you so much to everyone following this blog, whether you’ve been here since Part 1 or only yesterday :) You guys are wonderful and I love you 💞💞💞

Third: Enormous thank you to the absolutely wonderful people who helped me with this chapter! Of course, @fanboyswhereare-you, my incredible baeta who prevented this chapter from collapsing in on itself (and constantly puts up with me); @hi-mishamigos who listened to all of my rambling (which was a lot) and calmed me down; @beardedsteveslut who literally binged this entire series to help me with less than two pages and then gave me tons of pitch-perfect advice while I ran a thousand ideas past her; and @rainyreplays who, I believe is an actual angel, wrote out a full analysis of this fic and then explained how to balance everything I wanted this chapter to say with everything I had built up for the last 40 pages. Thank all of you to the moon and to the sun and back to earth again. You guys are the best. 💛💛💛

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 13, Part 14

Without further ado, a testament to my favorite trope:

Then Again, Part 12:

(Word count: 1,439)

The whole idea of being honest seems like a bad one. I’ve been telling Aunt May and Ned this since they tried to push it on me. The thought of following their advice is uncomfortable enough that I want to resist it - and MJ’s idea - a smidge (minimum).

I’ll just wear one of Y/N’s shirts. She and MJ wear each other’s clothes all the time.

Back in the bathroom, I brush my teeth, pop in my retainers, and open her bag. Under a pair of jeans is a plain black t-shirt. Perfect. I have to yank the collar down to get my head through… and it is definitely tight… but it’s better than nothing.

What has my time in the suit trained me for, if I can’t wear a girl’s shirt?

I look in the mirror. Shit. The collar has turned my hair into a mess and underneath, it’s like I’ve tried on a child’s shirt. This is ridiculous.

As I attempt to maneuver my arm out of the left shoulder sleeve, I tug a bit too forcefully and hear a tear, suddenly losing balance and hitting the wall with the entire right side of my body. Shit. There’s a clear crack in the yellow paint. My head stings. I scramble to my feet and try again.

It takes what feels like ten minutes to get the shirt off without ripping it. I fold it and put it back. Never again.

I turn off the bathroom light and pad through the room as quietly as I can. I open the closet door near the window and reach for the blankets stored on the top shelf. Nothing. I check again with the light of my phone. Nothing at all. I’m going to strangle Ned and MJ tomorrow. What were they thinking? It’s way too cold for this.

I’ll still sleep on the floor, I decide. I’ll use my towel as a blanket… once it’s dry.

My heart is pounding. It’s chilly and the only blanket in the room is attached to Y/N, on the bed.

What would Aunt May say?

For once, I don’t know. I mean, Y/N and I just had a fight that I haven’t had the chance to make right yet. The competition is tomorrow. It’s late and she’s asleep. The situation between us is… stalled.

What’s the logical thing to do?

Get in the bed. Shift some of the blanket over. Get warm while the towel gets dry. Get out of the bed. Sleep on the floor with the towel.

It’s not the best plan, but I like it more than I need to.

Gingerly, I tiptoe to the bed and climb in. I stay as still as possible while I drag a corner of the comforter toward myself. It’s so warm. For the sake of body heat, I inch a smidge closer. I scrunch up part of the blanket to wrinkle a mini wall of fabric between us. That’s as much personal space as I can make, given the size of the bed. I’m so close that even if my senses weren’t hyped up, I’d be able to smell her hair across the pillow. God, I love her shampoo.

Dude, knock it off.

Like I’ve told myself a million times, I need to not make things so weird. At least she can’t hear my thoughts. Thank God.

I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. Even though I wanted her to be awake when I got back, maybe this is better. There’s so much I have to say tomorrow, this extra time is probably for the best.

I turn my head toward her - or rather, the mountain of blanket with a face. I don’t come up with stupid scenarios about why we’re sleeping beside one another in a hotel bed or any other What If questions my brain is aching to invent. Instead, I go over all the shit she’s gone through this week because of me. I go over everything I need to own up to and everything I need to say to her in the morning. Maybe it’s selfish or pathetic, but I let myself hope that tonight was stupid and wrong and mostly my fault, but not irreparable. I imagine that forgiveness is on the table. That’s it. That’s all I have a right to consider anymore.

Maybe I can’t be with her the way I want to. Not now, maybe not ever. And yeah, it sucks. I mean, since the start, and I’m ready to admit now that it started way before October, it’s been so different with her. It’s almost terrifying. It’s not the same kind of crush I’ve had before, like with Liz or anybody else. I know her, I really know her and I care about her like crazy. And I think about her all the time, too.

But none of this matters. It’s not happening. I can’t be with her like that and it’s obvious now more than ever. The vital part is how I can be with her, and with Ned and MJ, almost every day for the foreseeable future. I can just enjoy her- their presence without any strings. If things only go back to normal, that’s enough. It has to be.

What if she really doesn’t forgive me, though? What if I’ve really crossed the last line this time?

The same heaviness is pressing into my chest like before, a pressure that reminds me of swimming too deep underwater.

I need to remember what Aunt May said. If anybody is willing to give second chances, it’s almost always her. Then again, which chance was I even on tonight? I’ve run through too many to count.

I close my eyes. God, I wish I could turn brain off.

Why didn’t I just talk to her when she came here earlier? It seems impossible that fewer than twelve hours ago she hugged me and I shrugged her off. I can’t believe I actually let myself think of her like I did, as if she would do any of those things or, more importantly, as if any of it was even my business to begin with.

I’m such an idiot. I should’ve -

A twisting sound snaps my eyes open.

Y/N starts moving beside me. She awkwardly shifts positions with slow and mechanical movements until she’s lying on her back, her arm thrown over her eyes.

The red light from the alarm clock allows me to just barely trace the faint outline of her hand a few inches from my face. It reminds me of the first time we met, a memory that would usually make me laugh, and of the fact that handshakes are our main form of physical contact. And that it’s not exactly as if we shake hands all that often. 

It suddenly reminds me of all the tiny distances and boundaries that exist within our friendship, the ones that keep us from being as close to each other as we are the Ned and MJ. Just the shadow of her hand reminds me of how badly I wish everything could be different.

None of this matters right now. Let it go.

I breathe out. Try to clear my head. I think of that counting exercise Mr. Stark told me about. One. Two. Three. Four. Four, three, two, one. One. Two. Three. Four. Four, three, two, one.

One thought refuses to stop though. The same one as all week.

Despite everything, Y/N is still the only person I want to be around right now, the only person I actually want to talk to about this stuff, the only person I know would listen and really, really understand it all. But then again, after everything, maybe not… even if I could tell her.

Fear and anxiety churn in my stomach.

For a split-second, I stop thinking and let myself do a stupid thing.

I reach out, slowly, and trace her fingers with my own. I’m about to take her hand in mine, just for a moment, before I think better of it. I draw my hand back to my chest, the sudden absence of her skin making my own fingers itch. 

God, why am I constantly so weird around her?

“I’m serious about what I said before,” I whisper, needing to confess one final time tonight. “I’m really, really sorry. Anything you decide is suitable, I’ll do whatever you want if it helps you forgive me. I swear, I never meant to be such a jerk and I’ll never act like that again. Please, just tell me what you want me to do.”

I exhale and push my palms into my eyes. I need to turn my brain off.

But then a warm hand touches my shoulder.

Y/N?

Part 13

Part 13 spoilers (since the next chapter isn’t for another week 😉)

Next Update: November 17

It will be a shorter chapter (only 2 pages), but I have a little guess that you guys may enjoy it anyway :)

Tag List: If you’d like to be tagged, reply to this post or send me a(n) ask/message! 

If you want to reblog this fic, but don’t want to reblog whole chapters (I know they’re rather long posts), you can find my short Then Again Masterlist in my bio 😉

As always, I apologize for the typos that are probably everywhere in this chapter.

Tagged: @jriles124 @avzuzu @5-seconds-of-sarcasmm @britdiandra @gotnotfeature @theconscientiouswriter @happysynonym @the-redthread @strangerwesley @i-love-superhero @livluvspiderboy @ohgloryy @nicunt @pxrrished @shugr12110629 @realitykilledtheteen @look-how-far-i-come @beardedsteveslut @abigail-1998 @thehanneloner @lionfart @tmrhollandkay @evanhansenisahufflepuff @tryn25 @slythergirlimagines @twentyjuanpancakes @peterparkerismybeing @littlekay15 @caitlyn-blackwell @hi-mishamigos @anxiousteengeek @twentychemicalpanics @profmmcgonagall @eversweet-imagines @tom-newsie-holland  @melonmochi

If I missed anyone, let me know! 

[redthreadtugs-blog]

A worthy project

K: You....omg....you have stuck with me through everything.

J: I was not perfect. I gave it everything I had. My honesty

K: You have always loved me as best as you could. Yes

J: My self expression sucked.  I still tried

K: Yes you did. Always

J: I always have

K: I know you have

J: It is a core principle for me

K: Yes darling.  I know

J: And always be honest

K: Always be honest...Yes darling.  Nods. I am a bad person... the stuff I wish I could do. Liar. Etc. Ugh

J: Smh. Everyone has bad stuff they could do. Most do not....do not act on that

K: Yea

J: Anyway…Don’t go putting your self down. Not good for a girl

K: I’ve gotten pretty hard on myself this last month.

J: I know you have

K: Seems like i deserve it

J: That doesn’t help you any

K: It’s there. Hard now in my head. I don’t know.

J: And has the danger of sticking in your head in an unhealthy way.  So please do not, if you can

K: L says to me...pretty often...something like... “Take care of Kezzie... she is really important.  Be nice to her.”  Makes me cry every time.

J: Sound words.

K: Are the stars out tonight?

J: They are.

K: Let’s race out into the darkness. See the milky way.

J: That’d be nice.

K: I don’t want to feel like a bad person. A liar. I want to be a good girl.

J: Labels Kezziah…They are killers. Are you a bad person?

K: No. I’m not

J: Did you do something considered bad?

K: Yes. I hurt you. I made so many mistakes

J: Ok. And you feel something about that?

K: I feel terrible.

J: Right.

K: Beyond terrible. Eating me alive.

J: What does that tell you about yourself?

K: That it is not my nature to do wrong?

J: And that means?

K: I don’t know… I’m so confused.  I just wanna be a good girl

J: Can I help with this? Look If you do some bullshit and you know it, see some results, and how crappy that was and it hurts yourself that you did it.....means you have a conscience.

K: Nods*

J: Not a bad person. You do your best to not repeat it

K: Nods*

J: Forgive yourself. It may take time. People tend to wanna beat up on themselves. I sadly know much of how this works. Having lived and committed such crimes against my people and myself.

K: We need to help each other.

J: It’s hard. Not impossible. Labels are the worst form of torture in these cases. Are you a bad person vs. did you do something bad

K: I am never gonna be able to stop hearing you call me a liar.

J: Are you broken vs. do you feel broken

K: I don’t know.

J: You say that now Kezziah…It will fade. Time is the great equalizer. Makes all this stuff seem so trivial.

K: I can’t breath.

J: I said things in the heat of anger and battle. My passion unleashed.

K: All of which I deserved.

J: I don’t know. Who is anyone to say so or not. I am not so perfect. Let he who is blameless cast the first stone. I got a lot of red on my balance sheet.

K: I’m not perfect either. I made so many mistakes.

J: Do people sometimes say ‘I love you’ when they are fucking and it’s some casual sex? Passion has people saying things that seem to fit a moment for whatever reason but aren’t necessarily true. Liars. I love you Kezzie.

K: Nods.* Except I did lie.

J: Yup.

K: Dissemble and omit. And actually lie.

J: Yup.

K: To you. Who I never wanted to lie to.

J: And it was a great big pile of crap.

K: I hate myself for having done it. And that I broke trust with you

J: I don’t hate you for it. Why hate yourself?

K: You did not deserve that of me. Makes me not worthy.

J: Worthy of what?

K: Worthy of you. Worth being loved. Worthy of anything. I know I keep saying I was doing the best I could. But how can that really be? I should have done better for you. I can't breathe.

J: I think you have slowed your panic down enough to where my position in this has fully hit home to you. Leave the worthy/unworthy stuff alone. Confuses things. I broke promises to control my shit several times. I ate that every time. It’s hard to live with. You still gotta keep trying.

K: I’m shaking.

J: You have a whole universe inside you that wants to be free. Not tied down to a label. Not tied down by guilt. You made your jacked-up mistake. And it was a doozy.

K: I don't really believe you forgive me....

J: Why do you say that?

K: We keep going around. I keep feeling your anger in these rounds, not today particularly but... this week. And... I don’t know yet that we are really done. And I don’t forgive myself.

J: Yea, I know. sigh. But I told you I was done with anger.

K: I don’t know how to forgive myself.

J: I recognize that.

K: And... I don’t know.  Sobbing* It just doesn’t feel like you forgive me. I don’t know. Maybe it should

J: I say I am done doing the anger. I say that’s about 90-99% true: I have been doing anger. Doing an emotion that had been festering for months. Releasing it is emotional too. The hurt is harder.

K: Yes. I have hurts too.

J: I know. Carrying them around.

K: And... I am trying to release my fear that pushed me to all this stupidity.

J: Ask you a few things.... Have I threatened you? Have I killed your dog? Your people? Maimed them? Savagely raped anyone?

K: No No No of course not. No.

J: I hurt you though. Broke promises to you. Accused and lashed out verbally in anger.

K: Yes. I became afraid of your anger alone. And afraid of the withdrawal of your love from me.

J: Yep. I see that

K: Those are enough. I was never ever afraid of you physically. Or of my safety. Ever.

J: I know. Compromise your pics? Your life at home? Your job?

K: No.I never worried of those things. At all. I trust you I do. I really do I know you keep me safe.

J: I know. And yet I made my mistake in all that. I am human, and sometimes I suck at it. So do you.

K: I am human too. I suck too.

J: Meh. What are you gonna do?

K: But... I am your fucking octopus.

J: So you have a clean slate and get to decide.

K: You are giving me a clean slate? Really?

J: You wanna have me around?

K: I do. I want you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

J: I think what I mean by that is that there was a break in us. And I just made it real. By uncovering the stuff. That is the clean slate. We decided to remain friends. From there we can rebuild or drift away. Decide how and when you want. I am your friend. I am generous with my friends. I am your friend.

K: I am generous with my friends. My people.

J: In time, we will know what to do.

K: Yes. We don’t need to know now.

J: Right. Pieces here and there mebbe.

K: I just know how much my heart hurts.

J: Mine too, honey. We are still picking up some pieces. Stuff is gonna bubble up here and there unexpectedly.

K: Yeah. I know. I am gonna try to not speak badly of myself. Think badly of myself.

J: Good idea. And you will anyway from time to time. Sucks to be human sometimes.

K: It does.

J: Wanna know how you can tell if someone has forgiven you?

K: Tell me...

J: Still here for starters.

K: (((((((((Jameson)))))))  I’m still here too

J: And talking about healing. And friendship. And love. And cares about you. Signs of forgiveness.

K: I am gonna promise you to not let you run yourself down. I never have. Help me do the same. I know you will.

J: Thank you. You know it. It’s what good friends do. Actions in the face of all that has happened. Pay attention to those things.

K: We keep engaging. You have not walked away.

J: Here lately it’s been a lot better.

K: We keep reaching for each other. We keep trying to do better.

J: And there is no one in this arena that knows us better. So that is a given.

K: No. No one. We keep trying to fight fair when we fight.

J: Trying yes.

K: Holding each other in love. We have not been perfect. But we have both really tried.

J: With genuine affection and care.

K: Yes darling.

J: It’s a strange path.

K: It is.

J: But it is worthy.

K: Like nothing else. It is worthy.

J: Yes, it is. Why is it worthy? Because we still find ourselves both in it.

K: The path is like nothing else. We are both worthy...and honorable...and our friendship is worthy.

J: Otherwise, we are taking separate paths. And still might from time to time. For now though, we still walk side by side on that same path.

K: Yes, darling. You me. Together Even as we stumble. I love you, Jameson.

J: Uh huh. Possess yourself. I love you Kezziah. You have been fearful, and have shown courage in your attempts to master that fear, have failed and still keep trying. Like the goddam wile e coyote. I know that guy well.

K: Yes, you do.

J: Help any?

K: This is so fucking hard.

J: Yes, it is.

K: You always help. Even when you make me mad.  You have a way of just getting under my skin.

J: That’s cuz I am eeeeeeeeevilllllllll

K: Hold me tight.... Before I go to bed.

J: Holding tight. Kisses the top of your head.

K: Crying into your chest involuntarily

J: Sighs, strokes your hair. G’nite darling. Breathe better. Sleep well, the sleep of released emotion.

©redthreads

陪同