#this tumblr is a relic of my past truly

[vicioussickle]

ok hi welcome to a very long and image heavy post about the toxic yaoi story of astor the shitty wizard and skooga the wretched footsoldier...

come and ponder this wretched orb...

(this ended up so damn chaotic and messy but very on brand for tumblr infodumping i guess... this started off as just pasting a thread but it became a lot longer and informative because i realized i haven't really shared backstory here... im always yappin on twt they can never truly silence me.)

ok, also, this isnt a "ship" for the sake of romance, really, its very toxic intentionally... I feel I have implied throughout my drawings that he and skooga have something depraved going on too…. It’s skooga that initiated the pursuit, ironically too.. he wants to piss off his mom…

Wretched mommy does NOT like Astor at all due to her own history with the shitty wizard cult… she does not want her wretched son getting involved with that stuff either and it scares her that he’s pulled the wool over master kohga’s eyes… deep in her orb she has a bad feeling…

skooga hates hates his mommy as he gets older… he doesn’t remember her involvement with that cult (intentionally) but he does remember her in a way he internalized as abusive… her grief…

lamented on here:

He resents having to be raised by his brother too, he truly hates everyone and everything so ofc a freak who wants to bring forth the end of days is appealing to him, and his mommy don’t like it so he likes it even more…

i always imagined that it was due to the yiga's lack of allies otherwise that they even accepted the cult to integrate with them... (i DO have my own wack theory that the cult ARE sheikah but thats for another post. im trying really hard to make this just on toxic yaoi.)

my fanfiction is something of an au i suppose because i combine the events of aoc and make them become botw, the calamity does still happen, its just prolonged a bit... what will be will be!

skooga found the goddess harp in the woods as a child while following around his sister and link... and he's once again reminded of it while following along with astor. like. its fucking real:

skooga also has his own sort of.. political agenda? too big for his tiny shorts... he wants to run around unmasked, they all should. they shouldn't have to hide who they are, the lives they end should very well see their faces as the last thing they see. he doesnt want to be covert and anonymous... so he brings up the harp and working undercover in the castle... (shay tags along as well on the research team, she loves digging up the guardians and playing in dirt... in totk shes a depths researcher)

so he gets his wish~

he becomes the court poet, all while his songs are passed back to the yiga clan and astor as intel... i think astor knows something about that harp tho... it IS a relic of the goddess, much like the master sword... it has been passed down through her hands herself... it's been known to control time, open portals to hell -

why IS there no shadow temple in the hyrule of botwera? could it be because of the kings prior refusing to accept the bloody history of greed and hatred that comes with the land...? perhaps it lies in wait and just needs that sacred melody again... or maybe their sage is taking A NAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so the harp is a valuable asset... i like to imagine that the cult practiced bizzare tantric-adjacent rituals, and it gets weird... most likely how they all ended up being killed by the very thing they were worshipping... all but astor, he is bound to the calamity and probably has it's insentient voice in his head at all times too, astor was chosen as it's conduit to feed the beast... (as is his own demise...) it doesn't bother him tho, he enjoys the servitude.

he also enjoys toying with skooga in the same way a lunatic would torture an animal too... because skooga is kind of naive and trusting when he isn't running his mouth... and i feel like it's also a weird.. chain of command thing... he gets off on watching him do what he says, all of them, while knowing he is going to kill them all... skooga is good for milking little bits of malice.

side note: blahblah sexuality blahblah skooga never found himself attracted to women. i'd say he's quite content and comfortable being a man also, but often thinks of himself and behaves as very effeminate... hes a gay boy. A BISHONEN. ok, alright. he still worked for his mother as well... to be honest, as he became an older teen-young adult he just enjoyed gossiping with the women, especially when they had raunchy stories to tell about the royal guards who he saw regularly now as the court poet... even link's father perhaps... i wonder why the court poet doesn't think link comes from "nobility"... hm... perhaps his father liked banging whores. maybe he really liked to drink...

(more things for another post. the kids' mother grew up during the time when the sheikah were totally banished from the kingdom... as it wasn't until zelda was born, canonically, that king rhoam set out to repair that allyship... long story short for this post - the father was murdered by a royal guard because it was technically ok by the law)

Now and for context.. this takes place right after skooga’s failure flop attack… he never wanted to hurt zelda either… he was hoping to scare her and link and drive them away out of the desert… he needs to make it look like he ain’t gone soft for her too… (hes a big star, hes the court poet AND the asshole in the yiga memory!)

It works out not great, it turns out link is actually terrifying with that cursed blade… Astor also urged this attack because it would serve as a distraction while he prepares to reap the orbs of the others… he would also be delighted seeing the yiga kill their own for treason...

Then ofc zelda knows what’s going on too… she’s always sort of sensed something in her ~court poet… he’s always been on edge and hateful towards link… she can’t blame the wretched guy tho. At this point she doesn’t even value her own life. She can’t do what she’s “meant to”… this is why he sympathizes and relates to her... out of everything he's got going on, he actually enjoys the court poet gig... he wants to learn more about ancient history too... the ancient history of his people... the reason why they divided... it really hits him that his father was murdered for simply being. he never really thought about those things until venturing out among others. his sister talked about it but he called her a annoying. He doesn't want any more wars, he doesn't want to be divided, he think's zelda's father is trustworthy... he truly believes in his people's ingenuity, and has faith in their allyship... he isn't using them...

it then very suddenly hits him that that is what exactly astor is doing.... he has an existential crisis with impa:

it is all much too late, tho...

skooga worked as an excellent distraction and many were killed...

i never really thought about it until now, but he probably carries a certain grief with him as well... he was as close as one could be with astor and he went along with it. his own grief blinded him too... he was just like his mommy 💔 so that's that on that, got a little off topic in some spots but i tried... if i think of anything else that i should write a deep dive on i will... or if any of u here want to ask about anything specific always feel free. tldr; its really just. naive young man gets bamboozled by an old creep. is that a trope? idk. its toxic yaoi.

[voiddemon]

can i ask what is kinyarn 😭

I think it's about time I explained Kin-Yarn to the new generation instead of jokingly brushing it off and making people do their own research.

Please note I will be spelling Kin-Yarn with the hyphen, as god (me) intended. Kinyarn is still hella valid and the more commonly used name. I also wont be going into my interpretations too much since it's complicated and long i do not actually ship it i promise.

Kin-Yarn is the greatest Kirby ship of all time. It's the ship between Yin-Yarn from Kirby's Epic Yarn, and Kine the fish from hell. There isn't anything canon for it, these characters have never and will never interact in HAL's eyes. However we, the fans, know better.

After reading my thesis I'd strongly recommend checking out all of the content the long dead kin-yarn fandom has to offer. Most of it is like, really old, since those around for Kin-Yarn's inception have either left tumblr, moved onto new and cooler fandoms, or don't think it's that funny anymore. (It isn't because it's a fandom in-joke from two years ago.) Thankfully there are many great relics of the past, of the days when new Kin-Yarn content showed up every like five posts on your dash. AO3 has most of the Kin-Yarn fanfiction that's been written, but some of it is hidden away within blog archives and dusty links to google docs. Kin-Yarn videos also exist, including some (two) AMVs and the classic Kin-Yarn ASMR made by yours truly. The Kin-yarn/Kinyarn tag on tumblr.com also has a lot of posts so just go through that.

I. HUMBLE BEGINNINGS

Kin-Yarn was made at some point in October 2020. Out there on the internet there is a site called FanficMaker. It's a pretty basic website. I don't know exactly how the creators found the material to make this, but there is a okay-ish sized pool of sets.

These sets are fairly generic stories, with the program plugging in the names of characters you input into specific slots. There's a surprising amount of variation between these sets, but after you play with the site too long you start seeing the same ones over and over.

So Voiddemon a few years ago found this website, and decided to make some fanfiction and upload it to tumblr.com. On one occasion, the website generated the sentence "It was Yin-Yarns gay wedding party..." It didn't say who he was marrying, but I found it funny and uploaded it to tumblr.com. On a separate day, in a separate prompt, I put Kine in and it gave me a similar result. "Meanwhile, Susies mind was wondered back to the past. It was Kines gay wedding party..." I also found this funny because. Kine. And uploaded it to tumblr.com.

Here are the two screenshots together <3

I will now introduce Ninikins (Who has since changed their username and moved on from the Kirby fandom), who suggested that the two of them were getting married to each other. Everyone in my circle online at the time found the idea hilarious because.

From here everyone went crazy and just started. Kin-yarning all over the place.

II. Fan Interpretations

Memetaknight, creator of the greatest Kin-yarn fanfiction of all time Yiracle (It's my favorite :shrug:) created a Kin-Yarn Essay. Today it is a great time capsule that brings us into the culture around Kin-yarn in the past. It's just over two years old now so happy birthday Kin-Yarn essay. It delves into the two primary interpretations around the ship. I'll just quote the most important bits of it since I'm lazy you can go check my sources ok.

"A common Kin-Yarn characterization is to ship either both brothers with Kine (as a V shape relationship), or just one of the brothers with Kine... This interpretation has many specific tropes... but it has one extremely interesting idea that is unique to it. In the spirit of Kirby’s Epic Yarn’s final battle... it has been theorized that something similar could apply to Kin-Yarn, in which the brothers would catfish Kine .. Kine, either on purpose or on accident."

"The other interpretation sees the yarn body previously mentioned as a third entity... which is referred as Yin-Yarn separate from the needle brothers. This characterization idea arises from the fact Yin-Yarn is referred as a singular character"

There is a third interpretation that stems from the two of these, which is that both the Yarn Body or puppet is in love with Kine and so is at least one of the knitting needles.

Often in Kin-Yarn works, it is unclear which one of these the creator interprets the ship as, since artwork and fics include all three characters (The puppet and the two needles) with no clear distinction between them. A distinction being drawn is more commonly in artwork, due to the nature of the medium.

III. Love and Marriage

For the most part, Kin-Yarn is portrayed as a perfect relationship. With Kine and Yin-Yarn being madly in love. The nature of one being a hero and another being a villain is not often explored, but when it is explored the most common interpretation is Kine accepts Yin-Yarn despite his past wrongdoings. Oftentimes Yin-Yarn will reform and become good for Kine.

they also have sex

III A. Who are Prince Fluff's Parents?

Prince Fluff (Also from Kirby's Epic Yarn) has no stated or seen parents within the series. Originally KEY was called "Keito no Fluff", and featured Prince Fluff himself as the protagonist. He was supposed to be searching for his mother, but this was removed from KEY so he has. No parents.

A semi-common headcanon within the Kirby fandom is that Prince Fluff was created by Yin-Yarn, which is what originally spawned this interpretation. A few perceptive Kin-Yarnians noticed that Kine and Prince Fluff have the same exact color scheme. Like it's kind of uncanny actually Kine is just a little desaturated.

This caused the creation of the Yamily Tree, an. absurdly large family tree but it's kinda bloated and not that funny anymore. Here's the condensed version

Usually Prince Fluff is not actually biologically related to Kine. Since that has horrifying implications. Instead it implies that after Kine and Yin-Yarn are married, they adopt Prince Fluff (Which he usually isn't happy with).

III B. KINE'S DIVORCES

Ok so Kine Kirby is married to Mine canonically. However we haven't seen her in a very long time, and in Kirby Clash Kine is sleeping on a bench. Leading to the idea that he and Mine got a divorce. This is accepted by everyone who ships Kin-Yarn because Kine cheating on his wife isn't a laughing matter, but Kine leaving his wife for Yin-Yarn is. (Usually the interpretation is Mine leaving Kine)

Even though Kin-Yarn is interpreted as perfect most times, other interpretations are that after they get married the relationship becomes volatile. At the core the two still love each other, but due to one reason or another they've grown apart. This is best shown in the Kin-Yarn Fanfiction named after the ships national anthem, "The One That Got Away" on AO3 by HeavyLobster77.

This is very popular both for the drama and because it's very funny.

IV. Historical Kin-Yarn Events & Holidays

-The Great Kin-Yarn Porn Scare of 1969 Someone uploaded an explicit Kin-Yarn fic on AO3 tagged as explicit with very SUS tags. It wasn't real though and the fic is just among us.

-Kin-Yarn Discord There's a Kin-Yarn discord out there that's dead as hellll and I'm. Not sharing a link good luck finding it

-Kin-Yarn WORLD TOUR I blazed a Kin-Yarn post when tumblr Blaze first came out. Spending real money to force people to look upon Kin-Yarn was a powerful move.

-Feared Anon creating the best AUs of all time Kinederella (Technically theres no real au just funny images)

-Kin-Yarn Blog Wars ok i cannot find many of the blogs but for a bit everyone made blogs dedicated to loving or hating kin-yarn. Also KinYarn-Archives was created at some point around this time I think.

-Kin-Yarn BANNED from the Shipping Wiki Tumblr user Kaissauce tried to create a page on the shipping Wikipedia, but it was deleted by the mods lmao. Here's what the page originally looked like.

-Urban Dictionary somehow it got on fucking urban dictionary. this was my doing but it should never have been allowed to happen.

-Kin-Yarn: The Movie Released on July 29th 2021

no comment needed we've all seen it

-Kin-Yarn Day Kin-Yarn day is a national holiday beloved and celebrated by all, on February 14th. No other holiday is celebrated that day <3

V. Conclusion

idk how to end this thing. love wins and it shouldn't. do your own research

[fourseasonsfigs]

CT Pink Jun

Gong Jun is in his finest pink satin suit, dialing up a certain someone to say, "Hi Darling!"

This is Junjun's Pillow Talk Party Charlotte Tilbury endorsement. It's a complete shame that Tumblr only allows one video per post, since there's a few really good ones. Sadly, I forwent the one where Junjun is dancing for this one:

I was delighted about this endorsement, as I actually love Charlotte Tilbury's makeup. Pillow Talk is a beautiful color and well deserves it's popularity. The lipstick is a very neutral soft nude pink with a lot of richness and depth to it - no hint of that flat and kind of artificial candy pink color. Unfortunately, it's a little too on the nude color spectrum to work with my particular coloring, and it washes me right out. But that's every nude lipstick - this one almost works, which is amazing enough. It's got to be berry-ish colors for me, sadly (which reminds me, I need to do my periodic pilgrimage to the Tom Ford site to see if he's reissued Lark in any formulation anywhere!), on the rare occasion I do wear lipstick.

I do, however love eye makeup. In my beauty blogger days I tried a truly mind-boggling numbers of eye shadows, both domestic US brands and global brands. She actually has my favorite formulation. The older I get, the more issues I have with creasing and wear (despite every single one advertised as non-creasing and long-wearing!), and Charlotte Tilbury eye shadow is now quite literally the only formulation that works for me. I have some very long days at my job, including all-day-conferences that end in dinner events, and it's really, really nice to be able to not look as exhausted as I feel when I go back to my hotel room late at night.

Speaking of someone working really long days, let's have a few more pics of Gong Jun in his beautiful satin suit!

He is rocking that pink satin suit. Not everyone can (I sure couldn't!) but he looks fantastic. By the way I think his hair is A+ in these ads! I love the volume, it's the best look for his hair by far I think.

He arrived securely packed, but unfortunately, his little pink phone must have jostled around in transit!

Oh no! I know almost nobody has landlines anymore, but we can't have the few remaining relics of the past be damaged like this. Well, should be an easy fix, right? I'm old enough to have been around when all we had was landlines, all I need to do is just literally plug that end into the phone.

Or at least theoretically. I got my glue out, and fumbled around for a good long while trying to get the little end to go into the divot on the phone. My fingers were just too big and clumsy, and the cord too small and too interested in spinning around. And then the other end of the cord fell out! What the heck!

I got out my tweezers and after another good long while, finally got the phone end glued into the phone, and then another good long while figuring out how to aim the cord into the base at the right angle while trying not to snap it off, and then holding it in place with my now-tired and shaky fingers while the glue set.

But, we'd never know that now! He's connected and ready to receive some very important phone calls.

As you already can see, the phone is not a removable prop, it's quite firmly part of his hands.

The glossy finish on his pink suit is delightful - most of my figs have a matte finish, so it's always great to have one shimmering away.

He is decently stable on his feet, but I was so overtaxed by the phone situation that I finished taking pictures and immediately put him on a fig stand, then tucked him away into a secure corner of my my display cabinet. I'm not taking any chance on me clumsily bonking up against his phone cord and it snapping loose!

You can see where the fig maker put a little bit of folding in - a little bit on the back of his suit jacket, and there at the sleeve.

The fig maker did a great job angling his arm out to get the extension needed to hold the phone to his ear, without making it look disproportionally too long. Fig arms can look a bit too long sometimes when they're holding things because of the cute chibi proportions.

I wouldn't have minded just a touch more wispiness in the hair, but that's just my own personal preference. He looks good!

I think the phone cord turned out alright after all.

This is a good angle to see how shiny the finish is on his satin suit compared to the matte pink of the phone.

It's a cute phone! When I was a kid I would have loved to have a phone that looked like this.

Speaking of cute, that dog is looking pretty adorable too!

If you've been following this blog for some time, this fig maker's card may look familiar to you. They always do this two-sided card with the art on one side and a paw with three different angles on the back. It's always fun to see fig concept art, I think!

Material: Resin

Fig Count: 344

Scene Count: 24

Rating: Pink and perfect!

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

[moonstation888]

9/27/2022: It’s officially Fall

Feeling: Nostalgic

Hello internet people :)

There’s something so nostalgic about fall and winter it’s just like this long time to reflect and look upon the past, reminisce it in a way that marks it no longer existing in our lives today. Last winter and fall I became so fascinated and entranced by this online genre of videos: Internet mysteries, internet phenomena and/or crimes that all took place in the early 2000’s during the birth of the world wide web. I find myself coming back to these videos again as fall begins it’s just something in the air I think.

The two are now seamlessly interconnected in my brain, the fall and winter brings this air of mystery, death, the unexplainable and what better to do when it’s cold out and you’re holed up inside than watch videos that emulate this exact seasonal feeling. I was but a tiny child when places like 4Chan hit their peak, which is to say these ancient chat room and forums containing so much odd and hidden history are a a bit foreign to me. I grew up during the rise of youtube, instagram, and tumblr so it is not like i’m completely without my wits but places like 4chan and obscure early corners of the internet are more a relic of the past to me. A relic of what once was, the ancient megalithic structures of the internet that give way to endless questions and mysteries once the world moved on to something bigger and brighter.

So as October has once again rolled around and we pass the fall equinox i find myself reviving the interests in the sheer eeriness and ambiguity that the early 2000’s internet encapsulated.

While some people will spend their octobers watching scream and chuckie, i will be spending mine with the documentarists of youtube.

It still shocks me how much effort these content creators put into their documentaries on a free platform, they deserve so much hype and appreciation. These content creators spend endless hours and hours compiling facts and events to create a narrative and then actually execute it perfectly, and all for free. Their desire to make these videos comes from a true place of passion and intrigue just as any viewer watching, rather than monetary gain and i think it speaks to the quality of this genre as well. I mean the quality is outstanding, truly. Most of these documentary-style mystery videos on youtube are 1.5+ hours, extremely well-written, directed and edited to the point they could be put on a streaming platform like Hulu and i wouldn’t look twice.

I love everything about this creepy little corner of youtube and the people within it, it’s genuine content and it’s entertaining. Here’s some creators i recommend checking out if you’re interested in watching these kinds of videos:

Nexpo, NightMind, Wendigoon, BrandonFM, Debunk File, Barley Sociable, and Chill Fuel are all great channels with great content!

Stay spooky :)

Over and out, my bitches bros and enby hoes <3

[kilannad]

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Fanfiction Masterlist

I've Been Taught Not to be Afraid (Look at the Price I've Paid)

In the after math of the Third Valg War, Terrasen is visited by a collection of dragon riders seeking alliances from beyond their own lands. Now, a delegation is sent on behalf of King Orlon to form a treaty with Tyrrendor. Aewin Ashryver Galathynius knows even without anyone saying it that she's being brought to marry the prince she's never met; whoever Xaden Riorson is, it doesn't matter. She'll do what her country needs her to.

That being said, when she finds herself with one last night of freedom, she lets herself make a bad choice. What is one last night of passion when she's about to marry a stranger?

It feels like one last fuck you from the gods when she realizes that stranger is the very prince she's set to marry. The Empyrean/Throne of Glass xover. Xaden/OFC. Abandoned. On Ao3.

Willow in the Breeze

Five years ago, Violet had an incredible one night stand. Now, the last thing she's expecting is for her daughter's unknown father to walk through the door of her new bookshop. The Empyrean series. Collection of ficlets, Xaden/Violet kid fic. On Ao3. Updated as the mood strikes.

As the Stars Burn On

While on a solo mission to Crocus, Lucy runs into Laxus. Having forgiven him for his part in the Fantasia business, she invited him to help her investigate an ancient ruin. By luck or fate, the site involves old magic tied to the Celestial Spirits that Lucy accidentally activated. Now, trapped in a land where there was fruit instead of magic and pirates instead of guilds, Lucy and Laxus have to follow what clues they have to get back home to Earthland. They don't know where these new Keys came from or how they're tied to the Void Century, but they'll be damned before they stop looking for answers. A One Piece/Fairy Tail crossover. Laxus/Lucy/Gajeel pairing, starts with Alabasta arc. Hiatus. Posted on ao3 and Tumblr.

A Court of Decay and Growth

With Amarantha dead and the Hybern War over, Prythian is left to pick up the pieces. From Tarquin trying to revolutionize his court to Spring's rebuilding efforts and Kallias merely wanting a solution to his food shortages, all courts and their people are trying to move past five long decades of pain and misery. For no one is this more apparent than Nesta Archeron and Eris Vanserra. Forced to contend with Court politics, old magic, and another brewing conflict, both must figure out what they truly value--and what they're willing to do for it. A Court of Silver Flames rewrite, Nesta/Eris pairing, heavy politics. Hiatus. Posted on ao3 and Tumblr.

These Ancient Words (Like a Hymn of Reclamation)

Thousands of years ago, the gods chose champions to fight on their behalf--now, in the Great Age of Piracy, those champions are reincarnated to once again play a game to the death. As the game begins, these twenty-two Arcana awaken with new powers to help them towards their goals--be that trying to stop the cycle of death once and for all, or win and claim immortality as their prize. From rookies just setting out all the way to Emperors and Revolutionaries, the players span seas and loyalties. The only question; who will die first? 20k one-shot what if. One Piece fusion with Arcana Chronicles by Kresley Cole, but not necessary to have read the books. Open ending that I may pick up and turn into multi-chaptered. If you'd like to adopt, please message me. Posted on ao3 and Tumblr.

Invictus

Long ago, the Cerberus Assembly developed the Soltryce Academy and, with it, Söldner Squads; mercenary teams trained and deployed by the Academy and her sister Hall to fight monsters, protect notable people and locations, and obtain long-forgotten powerful relics. Everyone knows a Söldner Squad will complete their mission no matter the cost and be rewarded in gold and jewels for it. Despite their black reputation, Squads are always welcomed for the protection and power they bring. When a group of no-name misfits and low-level adventurers manages to take down a fiend the Academy was sent to hunt, they draw the attention of several powerful people and must contend with the consequences of their actions. A Critical Role Mighty Nein rewrite, heavy AU. Abandoned. Posted on ao3.

What is it to be a Hero?

In which Matt Murdock is Peter Parker's biological father and things change because of it. MCU series of interconnected one-shots focused on Peter Parker/the Defenders. Abandoned pre-epilogue but can be read as is. Posted only on ao3.

For Want of a Snail

Eight people signed up for the Dcom Experiment: two time travelers, three espers, a serial killer and her boyfriend, and a blind guy who just wanted to find his sister. Nine people end up in a bomb shelter fifty-feet below ground, stuck in a deadly game that looks awfully familiar to a lot of them. With decisions forced upon them, they all need to figure out who is behind the mask before it's too late. Rewrite of Zero Time Dilemma. Complete. Posted on ao3.

Keys of Obsidian and Bone

When Master Makarov finally brings Fairy Tail back together, Lucy expects more of the same; too bad she forgot "more of the same" implies more insanity. When the Thunder God Tribe finds a solid black Celestial Spirit Key, she's a little curious. When it brings a spirit from somewhere not the Celestial Spirit World, she's a lot worried. After all, what would happen if a Dark Wizard found these Keys leading to Shinigami? With her own Team split up for the moment because of special requests, she embarks with the Thunder God Tribe to look for the rest of these Obsidian Keys. Fairy Tail/Bleach crossover. Laxus/Lucy pairing, post one year time skip pre-final arc. Abandoned. Posted on ao3.

As you can probably tell, I'm heavy ADHD and struggle with keeping on one fandom, much less one fic. I post as I write and have a complicated real life, so apologies if something doesn't get updated as fast as you'd like. Please remember I do this as a hobby and only receive payments when you are kind enough to tip/kofi.

[049380913]

i’m glad tumblr is on the brink of its deathbed. the watchers of my panopticon are disappearing. the shame i hold inside me is shame that will remain with me. for me. not anyone else’s.

it’s june 1.

it’s pride month, and apparently also PTSD awareness month, gun violence awareness month, alzheimer's and brain awareness month, and immigrant heritage month. regardless of the multitude of causes people should raise awareness to, regardless of it also coincidentally being my birth month, i know that to me, this isn’t going to be any more special than a random tuesday in march. and it sucks.

i’m turning 21, and yet i’m stuck with the brain of an emotionally stunted teenager while in a creaky-boned misaligned aging body. 

i am filled with resentment from months, years, lifetimes past. why weren’t my friends there for me when i spent months letting my dishes pile up? why couldn’t anyone spare a half-hour chunk of their time for a meal with me? why did i have to eat a rushed grilled cheese every day for a month while everyone else got a home-cooked meal? why did i spend so much money on takeout? why didn’t i wipe my floors? why can’t i exert effort on my studies? my needs? myself? why wasn’t i given attention? why didn’t anyone notice? why didn’t i say anything? 

i’m turning 21, and yet i feel like a child who still cries for love and affection. i am a child who cries for love and affection. in the womb, a fetus does not cry. why would it, when it is completely enveloped by its mother? the moment it is born, however, it cries. it cries loud and wild, almost unconsolable. its ties to its mother are severed, creating its first scar—one that is shared with all human beings. it cries because for the first time, it is alone. 

i’m turning 21, and yet i still interact with relics of my childhood, back to a time when i was unaware of the negligence my caretakers were guilty of. i was left alone for hours on end—interacting with thousands of hours of tv shows, movies, video games—but it always culminated in me running immediately to the front door, embracing whoever came back, not realizing the repercussions this would have on my adulthood. at the end of the day, who could blame me for merely appreciating a rarity? 

i’m turning 21, and yet i can’t even feel fully resentful. for one, it could have been worse: i was never hit for being a brat, i didn’t have to spend my childhood working, i didn’t have to fend for myself the same way my parents did. i look back, and i realize that my parents really tried. they tried in their own ways, succeeded in their own ways, and failed in their own ways. perhaps they didn’t even realize their own mistakes until years after the fact. perhaps they didn’t truly understand the magnanimity of each of their decisions until recently. after all, they weren’t raised right, either. they were raised worse than i was—they were hurt children, too. 

i’m turning 21, and yet i still do feel resentful. 

my bitterness bleeds into my relationships with others. i see the differences in how people interact with me and with everyone else. i see the avoidant glances, i hear the dry laughs, i notice the shifts in posture. i can feel my friendships slipping away, and i never know exactly why. 

my bitterness bleeds into my relationship with myself. i’m so hard on myself, so much so that i am always in a cycle of aggression-turned-apathy. i want to be perfect, but i know it’s impossible, so i give up before the struggle even truly begins. what’s the point of hard work when it brings you to shit anyways? i self-sabotage every good chance i have so i can blame something. it’s come to a point where the nitpicking, the procrastination, the self-blame has become comforting. 

right before a test, i told someone halfheartedly, “well, what’s the point of studying when the test is designed to make you fail anyways?” they sarcastically replied, “that’s so encouraging!” at the time, i was confused. how come the most reassuring thought for me was a horribly depressing thought for others? i understand now, but it always feels too late for change. too much work for change. i’m too unfit for change. maybe everyone else has picked up on that.

i run in place, my net gain is zero, i have nothing.

i’m turning 21, and yet when i cry, i still make the same faces, the same deep heaves, the same sighs. my eyes still puff up, my face remains red, and i hug myself. maybe i smoke a cigarette the same way an infant sucks on a pacifier. maybe i drink my old fashioneds the same way i used to drink formula from a bottle. maybe i’m just trying to find the love i’ve been denied.

[xxc4rt3rxx]

I just wanna say how freaking cool it is seeing tons of new ppl getting into mcr. Like I have never been super active in the fandom until recently so maybe I just missed it but I feel like these past few years like there werent a lot of new ppl getting into them. Like by a lot of standerds I am still like a newer fan. I (technically its a long story) found bullets in like 2016 a whole three years after they had broken up. And like  many people were always shocked abt how young I was and the fact that I still listened to them. Like me and my friends were this young generation still listening to them. Idk maybe it was just the super sudden way they broke up but ppl would talk abt mcr like an ancient relic and that is was “insane thar you still listen to them”. And now ive been listening to them for years and I’m seeing all these new fans who are getting to experience this(suddenly I’m an older fan wtf). They dont have to watch videos from 2008 they can log onto tumblr and watch last nights show. And Idk where I’m going with this but I just think thats absolutly amazing. It’s so stupildy cheesy but MCR saved my life. I dont think I would have made it to where I am today if I hadn’t found their music when I did. I spent a lot of lonely nights listening to bullets and deciding that tonight wasnt the night i was gonna die. and I’ve truly been going through it recently and honestly the ammount of comfort I have found in MCR’s music but also in this community, It’s honelty helpping me make it through each day. Idk I’m just really glad that more ppl are finding them and I’m glad that more people are hopfully listening to their music and feeling like they deserve to belong.

[jonnnysuh]

Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat.  You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place.  The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER 

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up."  The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother.  The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone  pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways."  You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

  "I'm about to get on a bus home." 

"Well, don't get on." 

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped. 

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited. 

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked. 

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside." 

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

  Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits.  You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned.  Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

  "That exact same one."

 "Anything else?"

  You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

  "Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got  a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life.  The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

  The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were.  He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

  "So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window.  You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first. 

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

  He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

  You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on." 

"Chan, right?" 

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

 "Why? Do you still have a crush on him?" 

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

 "You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

  Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water.  You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

  At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand. 

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

  Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best.  The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets. 

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home.  To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

  He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

  The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

  “You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

  “You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

 “Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed. 

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

  Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other. 

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head. 

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

 “What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground. 

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up.  Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

  "You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder.  "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out.  I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

  You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

  Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked.   You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

  Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for. 

[itsclydebitches]

I found your post about character bashing tags intersting. In the modern Harry Potter fandom on Ao3, they are still in use because I think it's become such an integral part of that fandom's culture as a relic of early fandom. But you can see in some more modern fandoms a sort of convergent evolution, for example, in the Sanders Sides fandom, the tags 'Sympathetic' and 'Unsympathetic' get used to warn of character portrayals. I find it interesting how some fandoms have these tags and others don't

It really is fascinating, especially since Sanders Sides isn't exactly a traditional canon, yeah? I mean, just the format of Sanders' vids feels, to me anyway, like it shouldn't produce the need for sympathetic/unsympathetic tagging. They're very archetypal characters that belong to short comedy sketches and aren't following a standard plotline. So my guess (and I'm not in the fandom, so I really am guessing here), is that these more complex portrayals stem from the fandom expanding on the characters past what Sanders actually produced? There just seems to be a fundamental difference between tagging for, say, an unsympathetic Snape when the ethics of his actions are a focal point of the canon vs. taking a character like Patton and going, "But what if we depicted him like an evil stepfather instead?" (With perhaps some comedy-based details for justifying that in the vids. Again, idk the sketches well.) Though there is something intriguing in the idea that, since they're all only one part of a whole personality, each will inevitably cause problems simply by virtue of, you know, not being a "real," balanced person...

Anyway, yeah, I'd love to know how and why each fandom does/does not develop such warnings, though it's notoriously hard to trace that sort of work back to its beginnings. Especially for a fandom as old as Harry Potter, given that so many works have been lost to purged accounts and dead websites, to name just one challenge. My guess (and this is another guess) is that it's a combination of whether the canon is inclined towards needing such warnings and whether the more popular fic writers end up using them. Harry Potter certainly needs them. I can remember the intense conversations surrounding Snape, Ron, Dumbledore, and how much each deserves the readers' sympathy after various types of failures. Again, that was the point in the story, to demonstrate those flaws, but the radically different conclusions fans came to meant that many wanted to warn when their fics were using an "obvious" reading of the characters that others might not agree with. And those fans, likely, had some sort of standing within the community. The golden age of Harry Potter fic (so to speak lol) was also the age of Big Name Fans, so if any of them utilized such warnings, their massive audience was likely to follow suit. And at that point it just perpetuates itself. Yeah, nowadays it's such a staple of the fandom that unless we were to get an influx of new fans who don't bother to read previous fics/emulate them (which is not only really unlikely in general, but feels particularly unlikely as communities like tumblr push for a complete rejection of anything Harry Potter related), then those trends will just keep popping up.

Newer fandoms like RWBY though... they don't have that history. More importantly though, it looks like there's some difference between its community and something like Sanders Sides, which is comparatively new too. I mentioned in the last post a lack of respect and though all fandoms absolutely have their problems and though RWBY absolutely has wonderful pockets (hey, friends!) I stand by my claim that it's one of the more bullheaded fandoms I've come across. Harry Potter has its insane discourse simply by virtue of its popularity, size, and subject matter, but back in the day, debating the actions and worth of characters was fun. Friends online and off got into heated debates specifically because we enjoyed providing evidence, hearing new ideas, and testing our convictions. Arguing (in a respectful manner where everyone implicitly understood that none of us were truly mad) was a Saturday night pastime. Now, it feels like more fans believe in a right and wrong answer, perpetuated by RWBY's black and white canon in recent years. The idea is no longer to acknowledge the complexity inherent in these characters and likewise acknowledge that individual fans will react to them in vastly different ways, but rather to say, "No. They're 100% bad (or good) and that's all there is to it." The tagging acknowledges that this is just one interpretation, whereas many recent fandom pockets believe that one interpretation is all that exists.

[engaged19times]

RHONJ Recrap - season 11, ep 1 - C U Next Tuesday!

Greetings fellow prostitution whores and welcome to my new weekly recrap of American institution The Real Housewives of New Jersey! Before I jump in I’ll introduce myself by saying that I’m a housewives super fan (I even watched DC, an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst sister-in-law), an underemployed comedy writer (I can’t define “napalm” either, Lauren Manzo), and nothing makes me happier than to watch 6 bedazzled hypocrites in Cheesecake Factory mansions argue etiquette and loyalty between physical altercations in the world renowned cultural hub of Paterson, New Jersey. I know essay recaps are a bit of a relic but I am fond of ye olde written word so please enjoy this blast from the past, you scumbags!

We open without fanfare mid-scene to red-eyed Jackie and dead-eyed Teresa sitting in Margaret’s partially finished, wallpaper smothered home. We get the Bad Girls Club black-and-white flashes but unlike in Beverly Hills we’re not flashing to “three months earlier” but instead to “three days earlier.” It might take women of less gumption precious time to build to a production-halting confrontation but it only takes these agents of chaos half a week to get the meatball rolling.

Let’s back up a little to the ominous “three days prior” and catch up with our hot girls. It’s Jackie’s giant hot husband’s 46th birthday so she’s throwing him a party under a tent in the parking lot of a Greek restaurant. We learn that Teresa and Joe’s father has sadly passed in the offseason and Dolores Thee Stallion and Margaret have both had full cosmetic overhauls - Dolores with a second butt enhancement that left her with a giant hip scar rivaled only by Sally from Nightmare before Christmas and Margaret with a boob lift and apparent nipple sharpening (is that a procedure?) that she advertises in a blush silk top with no bra. Never one to be outdone at a parking lot birthday party, Joe Gorga arrives with his storyline - I mean wife, Melissa - also smuggling raisins under a skin tight children’s white T-shirt. Nipples are trending, ladies!

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

A beautiful boob lift.

Tarzan’s headlights.

Margaret’s hot employee Lexi and Teresa’s hot realtor Michelle (both of whom are official friends-of this year), as well as iconic social wrecking ball and Aydin Center for Plastic Surgery mascot Jennifer all saunter in for car park cocktails at this 3D nipple fashion show and as the night devolves we see the cast getting truly shit-housed on shots when out of nowhere storyline sniper Teresa drops the bomb that she heard sexy birthday Bigfoot Evan is cheating on Jackie... more specifically, that he “does stuff” at the gym but mysteriously can’t remember any details or where she heard this head-scratching accusation that draws as many gasps as it does “huhs?” Honest straight people question: do y’all hook up at gyms? And if so, where? Are there co-ed saunas now? Also can one of you explain the allure of Mike and Molly to me? Moving on. Most shocking was that the Perez Hilton of North Jersey doesn’t just drop this wild accusation once, she gleefully skips through this asphalt soiree like a goddamn town crier, addressing everyone she passes like Belle through the town square.

The next day the hard partying crew of Jersey Shore: All Grown Up recovers from their throbbing hangovers and we see cool mom Melissa traipsing through her particle board mausoleum in see-through sweatpants with a visible thong in front of her kids’ friends (you girls keep me young!), Marge Sr. driving a blue Mini Cooper with eyelashes on the headlights (which I assume are like the spinning rims of the Jersey Grandma community), and a flashback of Margaret’s Joe puking next to a tree (relatable, my dude).

Marge Sr.: Fully Loaded.

You girls keep me young!

Over at Jennifer’s palatial child farm we learn that her parents fight so much these days that she moved her father (Carl from Up!) to her multi-generational compound which has only angered her mother more.

Jennifer’s sweet dad.

We then find out Dolores’s dry boyfriend David with whom she shares the burning passion of a melting ice sculpture now lives with her bulging slab of a son Frankie Jr. in the house he and Delores built together but Dolores curiously still lives with her also bulging but slightly slimey ex Frank Sr. in her original house, a near Braunwyn-level web of over-explained but still vague relationship fuckery of which none of them seem on the same page. Dolores hid her surgery from David until the day before, David still works constantly so she hangs out with her ex all the time, and I can’t help but think that we aren’t getting the full story on whatever the fuck is happening under these two roofs. Are they brother-husbands? Is Frank Sr. piping both of them? Can Frankie Jr. DM me his nudes please? The only one being straight-forward in these duel households of confusion is Dolores’s dog who is simply named Dog and I honestly appreciate his refreshing transparency.

Dog Catania, king of transparency.

Finally, Jackie calls Teresa to organize an infamous Jersey sit-down because she somehow got wind of the out-of-thin-air accusations that Teresa all but presented with a bull horn and a PowerPoint at Evan’s parking lot social. They decide to meet at Margaret’s partially constructed house/ wallpaper showroom because it’s neutral territory to hash things out in a relaxing landscape of ladders and contrasting patterns and the tension is so thick you could cut it with one of Margaret’s newly renovated nipples.

Jackie pleads with Tre to clear her husband’s good name and Tre enters a baffling Kelly-Anne Conway bullshit loop which includes such hits as “woman to woman, if I heard this you wouldn’t want me to tell you?” (a reasonable point which is actually working against Teresa because it’s the opposite of what she did), then explaining to Margaret the immediately contradictory “I didn’t tell her and it’s not like I told Evan, I told my friends” (which is an explanation of what she obviously did wrong but said in the tone of a defense), the wacky last ditch nonsense deflection “Alright let me tell you the reason why I did it. This year, now, you know I’m single now. I’ve been approached by a lot of married men that think that it’s OK to have affairs,” and finally just saying fuck it and rewriting history “I did not spread a rumor, I heard a rumor.”

The truth is that Teresa was retaliating for a cheating rumor Jackie entertained about her last year but neither can be held to such unreasonable expectations like addressing reality or admitting fault which is actually ideal because if I cared to see emotionally mature community leaders converse thoughtfully I’d watch Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday not this unhinged turnpike circus.

Jackie’s rival won’t budge so she chooses the nuclear option, looks the reigning matriarch of Paterson in her vacant eyes, and declares confidently “I heard Gia snorts coke in the bathroom at parties” which stopped time on Earth as far as I’m concerned. Is this wild accusation true? Probably not. Was this retaliatory tit equal to the offending tat? Debatable. Do I blame Teresa for immediately whipping into a tailspin and storming out screaming the C-word (no Kathy Wakile, not “canoli kit”) at Jackie no less than 80 times? Girl, no I do not. Jackie has since clarified (backtracked?) that this was an analogy not a rumor she heard which... OK, and whether or not either of the atomic bombs dropped in this breakneck premiere were true, I’m excited to watch our Paterson superstars battle it out for another batshit season!

Esteemed poet laureat of Paterson, NJ.

Join me and my own rock hard nipples next week to recrap a girls trip to Lake George, more developments in the case of Jackie vs Teresa: Jersey Crime Story, and hopefully another cameo by breakout superstar Dog Catania! Please share this recrap with the prostitution whores in your life if you enjoy and follow me on Tumblr (engaged19times), Insta (@engagednineteentimes), and Twitter (@_engaged19times)! I’m recrapping weekly but I don’t get screeners (yet) and it takes me a few days to catch up so please be patient!

XO engaged19times

[heylogoinspirations]

COMEBACK TRAIL! Redesign a previous Olympic logo 💪 The official winners of #logolympics day 7! Tags below 👇 • Hey guys! This may just have been my favorite day of the challenge, so cool to see all these old relics from the past getting dug up and re-imagined by the logo design community. Ngl, some of the old ones hold up, there's a few modernist gems in there, however also plenty of atrocities too. • After much deliberation @loginspirations and myself, @rndesign were able to narrow down the pool to the following winners! Gold 🥇 London by @kc_logos Silver 🥈 Seoul by @arroyojv Bronze 🥉 Salt Lake City @ryjaymac • Honorable Mentions: Torino by @htauli.design Tokyo by @kuza_designs Athens by @smartianlab Roma by @dan_osornio • Huge congratulations to all these guys, definitely go and follow them and show them some love. Very well deserved! • Well! That brings our announcement of the winners of the challenge to a close. So many amazing logos and designers, truly humbled to see all the cool shit that you guys came up with. Sad to see it come to an end. • However... More challenges may be on the horizon. Follow @rndesign and @logoinspirations to be sure you catch them • #logoconcept #logocore #logodesigner #logooftheday #logosai #logos #logodesigners #logoinspirations #logodesigns #logo #thedesigntalks #logoshift #logowork #visualidentity #businesslogo #logonew #logodesignersclub #logoprocess #logoroom #logosix #logoplace #logofolio #logoinspire #logotype #logomark https://www.instagram.com/p/CTNGjiRFQ5j/?utm_medium=tumblr

[the-passenger-if]

heya! sorry if this has been asked before, but i couldn't find it thanks to crappy tumblr... but do you have any fave WIP's? i'm currently looking for new stuff to play. kinda broaden my horizon XD and since i love your game, maybe you have a similar taste as me?? thanx!

Hey there :3

Yeah of course, there are a lot of really good ones, but my top ones are heavily character driven and most of them have awesome ROs

List of WIPs in no particular order.

SUPERHEROES/SUPERHERO-ADJACENT:

Freak: Amidst the Neon Lights. TW: a scientist is creepily gross towards MC.

From the author’s fingers: A fish out of water tale.

A young isolated MC without a ‘voice’ grows up in a lab poked prodded and tested for eighteen years finds themselves thrown into the chaotic world of powers and abilities beyond human kine. They will have an adventure that will define who they are and make an impact in a world they never knew existed.

RO after my own heart: Mh. No one really, but  the MC and Silic are awesome.

WIP state: On hiatus

------

Model Citizens: Unmasked

From the author's fingers: It’s a story about a world full of heroes with odd and amazing powers! But… you’re not one of them. You don’t have powers, and you don’t plan to go and fight crime. No, you’re just a model, everyday citizen. A reporter, in fact, tied into the events of heroes but never really a part of them

Except for one (well, two, but thats already said and done), little exception.

You work for The Nickelport Rust, a controversial paper known for one reason and one reason only.

Unmasking heroes.

RO after my own heart: V. and Ricky (with a special mention to Lucy)

WIP state: On hiatus

------

Fallen Hero: Retribution

Enough said--also, Malin didn't write a summary for this one n_n"

RO after my own heart: Ortega. I would romance Steel and Argent too.

WIP state: Malin is running a closed alpha

SUPERNATURAL:

SoS: The Mortal Coil. This one and The ORPHEUS Ruse were big inspirations for The Passenger as discussed here.

From the author's fingers: Archangels were designated to serve the whims of their God. As Gabriel, you wield power and influence in Heaven. Yet your God, silent for centuries, has given you an order, one unlike any other you have received. You are to raise a satanspawn on earth, living in secret as a mortal. play as the archangel, Gabriel. Your cover is that of a junior detective with the Major Crimes division of JCPD. It’s supposed to be a straightforward protection detail.

But things rarely go according to plan.

Will you stay loyal to Heaven and their rules or will you play it fast and loose? Will you try to seize the throne or find your place on Earth? Will the satanspawn prove to be beyond saving or will you raise him to be a beacon of hope?

Work with the various supernatural factions in one of the few cities that is neutral in the war between Heaven and Hell. Fall in love, solve a few cases, and discover if your past will define your future.

RO after my own heart: Michael. That fucking brat.

WIP state: On hiatus

ADVENTURE:

Diaspora. You guys... Diaspora. If you're into Dragon Age, Diaspora is a must.

From the authors' fingers: it’s about a clan of people forced to flee their homeland and establish themselves elsewhere in the world. The Cine, of which the PC is a part, are traditionally a raiding culture, accustomed to theft and piracy as a way of life, meaning that few will welcome them as neighbors. Throughout the story, the PC will have opportunities to shape the perception of their clan, as well as the direction their people will take with their new settlement. Will you stick to traditional values at the steep diplomatic cost that may entail? Or, against the advice of your clan’s leadership and some of your close friends, will you try to change the very fate of the Cine, their role in the world around them?

RO after my own heart: Pan. There's no words to describe how much I love this magnificent bastard. They are my favorite RO ever too and a big inspiration for some of Roach's mannerisms.

WIP state: Kiku and August work on it whenever they have time but I would say it's pretty active for a WIP this big.

------

Relics of the Lost Age. TW: for people being bigots; it has nazis, it has the kkk, you can punch them in the face tho :3

From the author's fingers: The game is basically a fun (I hope), swashbuckling Indiana Jones-em-up, in which you play as a 1930s archaeologist trying to locate a number of occult artifacts before various nasty types can get their hands on them. There will be high adventure in far-flung corners of the world, wacky stunts, Nazi-punching, the possibility of romance (4 possible ROs in total, although you don’t meet them all in Chapter 1), loss, betrayal and all kinds of good stuff along those lines. Give it a go; you never know, you might like it!

I've never watched an Indiana Jones film in my entire life, but this game kicks ass and its author is a very intelligent person and also a sweetheart. Go say hello!

RO after my own heart: Not a RO but I'm crossing my fingers for Maria Garcia Perez. Yes, mama, call me a dumbass and kick me in the face.

WIP state: Active. The Prof is a word-spurting beast :O

ANYTHING BY THOMB, REALLY:

But the WIP i'm following at the moment is the third book in the Evertree Saga, Lux: City of Secrets

From the author’s fingers: continuing the story that began with Evertree Inn and Sordwin. In this fantasy adventure, you return once again as an investigator of magical mysteries, this time exploring the many twisting tales of a city full of secrets. Can you balance all the commitments of your new life in the big city and rise above, or will you become just another nameless face in the crowd?

Also, Thom is truly a sweetheart.

RO after my own heart: Dandy. Dandy Dandy Dandy. (this one is a gender-flip and his female counterpart is Daisy)

WIP state: Active. Thom has 3 titles under their belt, they know what they're doing.

SLASHER HORROR:

Monsters. So so cool, also so so full of triggers--a character is super homophobic and a racist, other dude may hit a female MC in the face if he doesn't like what she's saying, so bear that in mind. I don't feel like the author was trying to be edgy, tho, he's just playing with old horror tropes and these people aren't supposed to be likeable anyways. If you like horror that's kind of Texas-Chainsaw-Massacry, this is a good one.

From the author's fingers: First off: This game contains ADULT CONTENT!!! It is a psychological survival horror, and intentionally contains content which some readers may find offensive. There’s a proper disclaimer in-game. But the warning is there. I’m choosing not to describe the content of the game because, honestly, I want it to be a surprise to anyone who has not read it but is intrigued. I want you to not know what to expect. wink

RO after my own heart: Nobody, but they are interesting to chat to.

WIP state: On hiatus.

OTHERS I ENJOYED A LOT:

Wilhelmina

The Wayhaven Chronicles: Book Two

Through Broken Lenses. TW: so much abuse. Tread with care.

The Seven Heirs of Ophaesia: Part One

Fox of Sunholt

Supernatural in New York

Good Intentions. TW: I think this one may be triggering too, but I don't quite remember the specifics, sorry.

What a Brilliant Existence!

Spellbound: A Ghost Story

Seven days in purgatory

Burwick Destination: Book One

A Cage of Mist and Shadow

Please remember to pay attention to the last time WIPs were updated, you don’t want to necrobump a thread.

[shieldwinter]

Stucky Fic Rec [Part Three]

Part Three of the fic rec coming at you! Sorry for it coming so late in the day - I was finishing up reading a fic that I wanted to add to this part!  I do only add fics that I’ve read, and enjoyed, to this rec so (once again) there will be few, if any, ABO and Shrinkyclink fics!  As always; I will provide the Google Doc link where I update the rec regularly, but if you’d prefer it formatted here on tumblr, it is under the cut! If you want to recommend fics, go for it!

Google Doc Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10wqr5s-CzkFzLidQgt-y4-cjudHWwVeVPWCedMjK7t0/edit

Don’t Leave Me Asunder

        Word Count: 31.1k         Rating: Teen and Up         Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Veteran!Bucky, Amputee!Bucky         Warnings: None         Synopsis: Like many other war veterans, Bucky Barnes is alone. He doesn't talk to his family, he has no friends and his only human interactions are with his cleaning crew from Avengers Tower. Plagued by nightmares and pain, he lives each day in isolation. Until the Avengers bring their fight at home and Bucky gets to meet the famous Captain America. To his surprise, both their lives change forever after that.

Far Strayed

       Word Count: 18.3k        Rating: Mature        Notable Tags: Post CACW, Pre Infinity War        Warnings: None        Synopsis:  “They’re not going to stop coming after me,” Bucky tells Steve, somewhere in the air above Siberia. “Let them come,” Steve replies, furious still.  After Siberia, instead of seeking refuge in Wakanda, Bucky and Steve go on the run.

All My Chances Again

         Word Count: 20.6k          Rating: Explicit          Notable Tags: Time Travel, Endgame Fix-It          Warnings: Smut          Synopsis: I love him, Steve thinks into the spiraling ether; I love him; let me tell him. Give me the chance to set that one thing right. If I can’t rest for saving him, let me give him all of me and hope that it’s enough. Or; Steve gets lost in the time matrix, and begs for an out. Seems confession is good for the soul—or so he hopes.

I, Barnes 

        Word Count: 76.7k         Rating: Explicit         Notable Tags: Bi!Steve, Bi!Bucky, Period-Typical Homophobia         Warnings: Heavy Smut, Talk of Suicide, Non-Consenual Vouyerism, Panic Attacks          Synopsis: When Steve finally finds Bucky and brings him home to New York, their reunion doesn't go as planned. Bucky disappears into the bowels of the tower, avoiding Steve at all costs. Bucky believes himself to be broken beyond repair, unworthy of any contact with Steve Rogers. But having finally gotten a taste of being around Steve again, Bucky can't just leave - he needs Steve. In ways he believes prove he's a monster unfit to live.

If Steve Rogers Were Your Boyfriend 

          Word Count: 70.2k           Rating: Mature           Notable Tags: Cafe!AU, Barista!Steve, Author!Bucky           Warnings: Abusive Relationship (not Steve and Bucky)            Synopsis: When he's not editing a magazine he truly loathes or navigating a rocky relationship he truly doesn't deserve, Bucky Barnes writes a fantasy romance column with an unexpectedly loyal internet following about the barista at his favorite cafe. Barista Boyfriend makes these other worlds bearable, but the real world dreamboat isn’t remotely involved; Steve Rogers is just a muse. Everyone loves the column. And it definitely isn’t killing Bucky very gently in 500 word increments, not in the slightest. What kind of a writer can't keep fact and fiction straight? James Fuckin' Barnes, that's who.

Love Me Tender

          Word Count: 13.1k           Rating: Teen and Up           Notable Tags: Canon Divergence            Warnings: None           Synopsis: Steve is captured by Hydra, who for lack of any other containment options, activate the Winter Soldier and order the man to "take care of Captain America". They really should have been more specific. - OR: Taking care of Captain America is a task that the Soldier's body seems to remember how to do, even if he doesn't understand why.

Falling Back on Forever 

          Word Count: 24k           Rating: Explicit            Notable Tags: Revenge Road Trip, Identity Porn           Warnings: Smut           Synopsis: Bucky falls from the train in 1945. Steve jumps right after him. The Winter Soldier and the Midnight Patriot are the world's most feared duo, serving HYDRA and leaving a trail of bodies a mile wide behind them. But then they remember.

Wishes and Words

         Word Count: 48.2k          Rating: Explicit          Notable Tags: Fantasy!AU, Prince!Steve          Warnings: Smut, Past Torture          Synopsis: Life is going great until the day Bucky Barnes finds Crown Prince Steven Grant bleeding out on his lands. Then it only gets better.

How Bucky Barnes Won His Second Pulitzer

         Word Count: 11.6k          Rating: General Audience          Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Protective Steve          Warnings: None          Synopsis:  It isn’t like him and Steve go out frequently. Sometimes he’ll stop by Bucky’s apartment and they’ll binge watch tv shows, or Steve will tell him stories from ‘back in the day’. They’ve only gone out in public two or three times and it was merely quick runs to get coffee, or more popcorn.  So Bucky really doesn’t understand where this Hydra asshole is coming from when he says: “The reason we took you is because we know the Captain will come running right into our trap.” (aka: bucky is an award winning journalist who really doesn't appreciate being used as bait for a beefed up, spandex-clad super soldier.)

Maybe This Christmas

          Word Count: 24.8k           Rating: Teen and Up           Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Christmas           Warnings: None           Synopsis: Bucky’s not going home for Christmas. But it’s fine. He’s spending Christmas alone in his apartment, but it’s cool. He’s not feeling up to seeing his family after his accident anyway, plus he has to work. He’s totally fine with it. But then he runs into Steve, literally, and suddenly his Christmas isn’t looking so empty after all.

6 Avenue Local

         Word Count: 10.6k          Rating: Teen and Up          Notable Tags: No Powers!AU, Veteran!Bucky, Graphic Designer!Steve          Warnings: None          Synopsis: It takes a moment for Steve to add up the features on the man in front of him: those blue-grey eyes, a cleft chin, high cheekbones. Sure, he's older, dirtier, taller, but there's only one person Steve knew who looked like that. "Bucky?" he asks. "Bucky Barnes?" It's been so long since he's said that name out loud. "Yeah, I..." Bucky pauses. "Oh fuck," he says. "I missed my stop." Steve smiles. “Wanna get a burger?” he asks, noting the happy coincidence that Bucky Barnes, of all the people in New York, fell asleep in the same subway car that Steve would walk into, and missed his stop. “Sure,” Bucky says with a shrug. “I could eat.”

Kingdom Come

          Word Count: 8.2k           Rating: Teen and Up           Notable Tags: Missions Gone Wrong, Angst w/ Happy Ending           Warnings: Near Death Experience           Synopsis: “It’s too late, Steve,” Bucky’s voice across the comm is flat, layered with static. “The deadlock’s irreversible. S’the only way.” Steve knows what nearly dying feels like; knows it better than most, and this—those words, that voice, this impossible burning that courses through him like the serum in reverse, this. This is so much worse than nearly.

Just Me, You, and These Shitty Cigarettes

        Word Count: 39.8k         Rating: Explicit         Notable Tags: Modern!AU, Veteran!Bucky, Barista!Bucky, Artist!Steve         Warnings: Smut, Dubious Consent         Synopsis: Steve Rogers is pretty sure Natasha's new roommate is trying to kill him. Which he wouldn't mind considering he's been helplessly in love with him since they were thirteen.

Where All Roads Lead

        Word Count: 46.1k         Rating: Explicit         Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Time Travel, Historian!Bucky         Warnings: Smut         Synopsis: When Steve Rogers inadvertently touches a relic in the course of a mission gone sideways during WWII, he’s catapulted seventy years into the future. Before he's even sure where he's ended up, his search for help puts him in contact with Bucky Barnes, a historian and college professor who has built a career around studying Captain America. With Bucky's help, Steve means to find out how exactly he ended up in 2017, and solve the bigger mystery of how to get home. There's just one problem. The closer they get to their goal, the less certain Steve is that he wants to go home.

Énoument

         Word Count: 77.9k          Rating: Mature          Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Meet-Cute          Warnings: Smut          Synopsis: When Steve first met Sergeant James Barnes during the New York invasion, he flipped Steve off for calling him a civilian, then roundhouse kicked an alien in the face. They haven't stopped talking to each other ever since, and Steve thought it was normal for him to latch onto the first person who befriended him after coming out of the ice. Nope, turns out he was just pining.

Closed Book

         Word Count: 38.8k          Rating: Explicit          Notable Tags: Amnesia          Warnings: Smut          Synopsis: Bucky woke up with a headache, a mouth that tasted like something had died in it, and hands-down, swear-to-god, the most beautiful man he had ever seen asleep in his lap. Bucky was also, he realized after a moment, strapped down to a hospital bed with about six different monitors making unsynced, equally piercing, beeps. Beyond that he couldn’t quite see—there was a hideous floral curtain pulled around the bed, and while he could just make out figures moving in the room beyond it, the pattern made his head pound even worse the longer he looked at it. So. That was concerning.

[provider-of-guardians]

Time for a quick ramble

So... *folds my hands together* I’m in this funny little... not a predicament, but a.. position? A social quandary? It’s not a problem, but it is amusing. And befuddling. *leans back* So there’s this blog that keeps popping up in my recommendations, or even on my feed, every.... idk, couple years? More or less? Enough for me to notice. And like here’s the weird part. I know this person. I don’t recall if I ever actually talked to them but I know them, we were in the same circles. Yeeeeeeaaaaaarrs ago, before I ever got on tumblr. And I know it’s them because they have the same handle. It’s so astounding to me to see them just, pop up out of nowhere. Like a living relic from my past. But I can’t send them a message cause I don’t have anything to say, and th I don’t really feel like it, so I just sit here utterly confounded that despite the odds, in this VAST WEBSITE AND INTERNET they are still here in my line of vision, I ponder how small the world is truly, and I leave a few likes or reblogs and wonder if they’ll notice. But then again, my online handle has changed since then. Then again again, I wonder if they even would recognize me with my old one. It doesn’t really matter, but it is a strange place to be in, and a funny thing to ponder.

You don’t know me, do you? You’ll never know that it’s me. Amber.

[chumboy]

Hauntings, Pt. 2- Reflections

     So, I’m two years old, and my mother has just moved us into this little condo she is proud to call her own.  Perfect opening for a horror movie, right?

  Right.

      Except, nothing happens right away. We settle in, my baby sister is born, and I preoccupy myself with coloring books and barbie dolls. Unlike a horror movie, there is no clear arc of events. I never pinpointed when the hauntings began, nor do they ever reach a peak. They simply “are”. They come in short spells, occupying little pockets of my childhood, only to fade into the background noise of growing up. As a result, I can’t remember the order in which a lot of my childhood hauntings occur, only that I was small, anywhere from 4-7 years old when it happened. In this post I will explore a little of the nighttime hauntings that I have reflected on (pun intended) throughout the years.

The Mirror

      One of the defining features of my home is a very large, very dated mirror. Its floor-to-ceiling, several panels, and occupies the entirety of one wall of my living room. It is a relic of the 80s that has survived in my home long past its prime, and it’s the first thing anyone notices when walking in. Why is it still here? Well, the living room is narrow and not very bright. That, combined with the native New Yorker obsession for the illusion of space in a very cramped place, equals...mirror wall. 

     During the day this mirror was nothing but an ordinary, chronically streaky staple of my home. If it wasn’t dusty, it was covered in tiny handprints from where my sister and I climbed the couch to wipe it down. At night, it was something else entirely. 

    When I was seven years old I had two separate experiences with the mirror that unsettled me. The first happened seemingly out of nowhere. I had fallen asleep in my bed upstairs, in the room I shared with my sister. It was a deep sleep, and I had no dreams. But soon, I began to feel cold. My whole body felt chilled, as if ice was creeping up over my skin and making its way towards my head. I resisted the feeling as long as possible, until the feeling collected in my forehead, and stayed there. 

When I woke up, I saw my own eyes.

    I had woken up sitting on the floor, slumped against the mirror with my forehead pressed flat against it. It spooked me, truly terrified me, to be downstairs and out of my bed. (On top of  living in a haunted house, I had also developed a childhood wariness of raptors or other dinosaurs hiding in my kitchen thanks to watching Jurassic Park on repeat all day long). I ran back upstairs, threw myself under the covers, and that was that. 

The second time, I was much more aware.

   The second visit to the mirror felt much more like an experience. “Experience” being the only way I could describe it because to this day the exact language still eludes me.

Imagine, if you will, laying in your bed. You know your bed very well. With your eyes closed, you know approximately how much space you have on either side. It is the result of thousands of nights in the same bed, learning how far you can stretch before tipping over the edge, and learning to coil back to safety. That’s step one.

Step two: Be “in between”. That state of limbo between sleep and waking life where you feel the pull of your body slowing things down. On other nights, this state might bring you sleep paralysis, but tonight, it will be much more mobile. 

Step three: The bed falls away. It simply falls away. One moment your body is nestled in the mattress, the next you are freefalling through thin air. You free fall fast. So very fast and quick. And when you land it’s on something soft, but oh so very narrow. 

      I woke up on the couch in front of the downstairs mirror. Once again, being downstairs alone in the dark frightened me, and I made a hasty retreat back to the safety of my bed. The next morning, my mother asked me if something was wrong, and if I had been sleep walking. My room, you see, neighbored hers. I had to pass it and go down a noisy set of stairs to make it to the living room. I asked her why, and she looked a little confused. 

She had heard me come up the stairs that night, but she never heard me walk down. 

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This is a multi-part series that I’ll be writing here on tumblr! If you’re interested in following along, you can follow the tag #hauntingspersonal. Part 3 coming soon!

[megashadowdragon]

itsclydebitches . tumblr . com/post/180244981260/oz-just-fucks-off-into-oscars-head-this-is-proof

??? Do you really mean this, anon? Is that why it’s in quotes with no further comment? Or are you just fucking with me? Alright. *rubs hands together* I’ll play your game.

First of all, we need to look at the whole scene. Ozpin just watched an HD Color highlight reel of his entire past plus probably filled in some gaps that he didn’t even know were there because of no one else in existence being able to refute Salem’s lies to him. He’s on his knees fucking CRYING in front of all of them, but they don’t show a shred of empathy with their anger after watching the most broken man on earth finally start to shatter in front of them. And they just break him further. That’s fucking NOT okay.

And if we’re gonna talk selfish, let’s also talk Raven, shall we?

Raven is a… very unlikeable and complicated woman. She is the epitome of a selfish coward. She lies to get Yang to side with her, lies to the bad guys so she  gets the relic, and so on. And when confronted on her lies and cowardice by Yang, she tries to turn the conversation to how much SHE has suffered and how much SHE has had to go through before Yang cuts her off.

Ozpin has pulled none of this shit.

The guy has made mistakes and some poorly-thought-out decisions, sure, but he’s never done them with any malicious intent or self-service. He lied about Haven? That’s hardly self-serving. He withheld the relic’s Grimm attraction? If that was truly self-serving then why did he reveal it HIMSELF? And withholding Salem’s immortality, well. That is arguably the only self-serving tidbit he’s withheld, and we’ve seen the damage it causes when it’s spread unwisely. Just look at Raven. Look at Lionheart.

And when RWBYQ confront him about his past, they don’t give him a chance to defend himself. Raven was at least allowed to defend herself before it was clear she was spouting total bullshit. RWBYQ just let Ozpin say what they want to hear in their anger and don’t let him give context. That’s NOT confrontation. As itsclydebitches said in their recap of the episode, it’s an emotional witchhunt.

The kicker? Raven is a character who doesn’t face her past, who is confronted with its consequences and can’t handle it. Yang is the very embodiment of the damage Raven does when she runs away. A girl with abandonment issues who had to lose another mother and felt like she had to fill in the role for her sister. And when confronted by all this, Raven does all she can to deflect or turn the conversation in her favor. But in the end, she’s left with a choice. To step the fuck up for once and take the target away from her daughter, or to leave. She chose to leave.

Now, let’s move to Ozpin. This guy, who is apparently ALSO a self-serving coward, hm? He doesn’t run when confronted by Team RWBY and answers their questions with no bullshit coating like Raven tried to do. They also don’t allow him the dignity of defending himself, but apparently, Raven is afforded that. He sits there and TAKES WHAT THEY’RE DISHING OUT DESPITE ALSO REELING FROM JINN’S EXPOSITION DUMP AND BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF A BREAKDOWN. He only retreats when Qrow, really his only friend, basically condemns him and doesn’t allow him to tell Qrow that what they did wasn’t in vain. You sit there and tell me being disowned by your only friend doesn’t hurt like a bitch. I dare you.

Only then does he decide they don’t want him around anymore, and who can blame him? They’re the ones placing all the blame for everything on his shoulders, does ANYONE think that they’re wanted in that situation? And when he does leave, they say (in again, a very loose paraphrasing of @itsclydebitches recap) how dare you. How dare you defend yourself. How dare you leave so we can’t yell at you some more. How dare you not continue to lead us after we undermined your leadership. How. Dare. You.

itsclydebitches: 

I’d also just like to point out that this is precisely what I was talking about in my other post.  (itsclydebitches . tumblr . com/post/180232247775/on-ozpins-humanity)   Everyone is happy to emphasize the mistakes Ozpin makes as a flawed human being, but he’s not allowed to react like a flawed human being. The expectation here - by both the anon and QRWBY, but particularly Yang - is that Ozpin should be able turn off any emotions when it’s convenient for them and turn them back on when they want their nurturing mentor back. You’re going to have a panic attack now? No, no, no, that needs to wait until we’re finished literally and figuratively punching you. Yang says straight out she’s not done with him yet.

Really, just to recap the series of events here:

1. Ozpin explains to a group of children that he’s a reincarnating immortal and explicitly says he’s spent the last couple thousands years trying to face the consequences of his actions. That’s… his whole character. A man who is facing up to mistakes, both those he really made and those he only perceives as his fault. Ffs Ozpin’s most famous line is ALL ABOUT acknowledging mistakes and trying to deal with the fallout. In what world does this man run from consequences??

2. Ozpin immediately offers up the information that the relic attracts grimm when it becomes relevant and is willing to acknowledge/deal with the girls’ anger right then and there. Ruby only stops them because they’re still being attacked

3. Minutes later Ozpin continues to answer Yang’s questions despite the fact they should really get to safety. He understands their frustrations and is trying to be as transparent as possible while also keeping himself (and by extension Humanity) safe. Ozpin provides a lot of personal information on how the last time he shared his secrets someone betrayed him. And the time before that. And implied who knows how many other times before that. It’s not personal, it’s not a condemnation of who you girls are, but Bad Things Happened the last time I shared this info so I’m asking that you have a little faith in me

4. Yang rejects that

5. Oscar confirms that Ozpin is still hiding things from them - something they already know because he literally just acknowledged that - and gives them the means to take it forcibly

6. Ruby does that

7. Ozpin watches a HD play-by-play of his worst memories, quite literally re-living thousands of years of trauma, including shit he didn’t get to see the first time around like the gods toying with the former love of his life. He comes out of that emotionally gutted, weeping, panicking, and the first thing he sees is people who he thought were his friends screaming at him for not having the answer to an impossible problem

8. Despite having just learned his entire life story, the girls have even more questions. Except now they’re just accusations disguised as questions. Ozpin still tries to talk to them though. He is interrupted/assaulted three times during this: when Yang is yelling at him (interrupted), after he admits to Ruby that there’s no plan (punched into a tree), and when he tries to reassure Qrow (interrupted again). He’s trying to face the consequences in front of him and they’re not letting him do that. Because they’re not interested in having him acknowledge responsibility (deserved or otherwise) because that would eventually lead to absolution. No, they just want to use him as an emotional punching bag right now

9. Qrow then confirms Ozpin’s greatest fear: he’s irredeemable. People are incapable of loving him after they learn his life story. All that projection onto Lionheart? It comes full circle. It doesn’t matter the staggering good you’ve managed to accomplish in the face of seemingly impossible odds. Kept humanity alive and flourishing for thousands of years? WHO CARES. You made mistakes alongside that good so we’re done with you. They make it clear that Ozpin currently has no reason to remain with this group except to let them keep abusing him.

10. So he leaves.

Anyone would have left. It’s human to remove yourself from that kind of situation. But oh yeah, Oz isn’t allowed that.

kagome1991 said: Jesus Christ I feel this with every fiber of my being. Raven and Salem are practically worshipped in this fndm but Oz? Seen as the worst character. Fuck outta here with that.

the-kiwi-is-not-a-pewee said: @kagome1991​ If anyone deserves to be Yeeted out, it’s Raven or Salem, not OZ

kagome1991 said: @the-kiwi-is-not-a-pewee Absolutely. With the way this volume is going, I don’t think I wanna watch the rest unless the Oz/Oscar thing is addressed in the story. I just don’t like where Team RWBY and JNR are going in terms of development. They just come off as not having empathy when it comes to Ozpin or Oscar for that matter.