#this was a decision made for me made in survival mode and i was just trying to take care of myself

[likesomanywrecksdo]

When Did Blitzø Fall In Love With Stolas?

I just re-watched Helluva Boss S1 so i could numb the pain from Full Moon (it didn't work i'm not okay) and I had a few thought about Blitzø.

We all know Blitzø has a massive crush on Stolas and that he KNOWS that. Or at least he knows that he likes Stolas enough to enjoy his company and pay attention to certain things he likes even if they are just based on sex that is still a lot of effort for BLITZØ of all ppl bc he barely shows that level of affection to anyone except Loona.

But this begs the question; when did Blitzø realize he was falling in love with Stolas?

Looking at timelines he had to have starting falling for him before this picture was taken, because no way Blitzø would have taken that picture if he know that he wanted Stolas in a "more than sex" way. The way Blitzø's head works is that even if he can't admit to Stolas that he likes him (for fear of ruining their arrangement and any sort of "normalcy" that comes with it as well as fear of ruining Stolas' life) so taking and revisiting this picture is a way to feel his feelings without having to confront them head-on (see my post on Stolas symbolizing blitzø with the moon).

So now that we've established that it had to have happened before Ozzie's but also during one of their "meet-ups". When could that have been? Oh wait...

Blitzø fell in love with Stolas off-screen. During the post-TruthSeekers "thank you for the rescue" thing. If you think about it, this makes perfect sense. This wasn't a planned meet-up where Blitzø had to be reminded of Stolas' power over his business, it was Blitzø CHOICE to fuck him that night and Stolas did not have any tangible leverage over that decision. Additionally, Blitzø has never been protected ot cared for in the right way, he has always had to protect himself either because there was nobody to back him up or he didn't want to feel dependent or weak. He is constantly in survival mode and prides himself on protecting others.

The day TruthSeekers took place, Blitzø was protected, Blitzø was cared for. By Stolas of all people. Stolas saved him and the people Blitzø cares about when they were in a tough spot but also didn't make him feel weak by interfering immediately (before I.M.P got to kick most of D.H.O.R.K's ass). Stolas' timing was perfect and made Blitzø realize how nice it was to be taken care of, if you don't believe me:

So. Blitzø was falling in love with him JUST before Ozzie's....

That's why Blitzø almost cried when he dropped of Stolas at his house. Because he was finally learning to love again, and look where that got him....

IM REALLY SORRY STOLITZ SHIPPERS IDK WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME

[unclewaynemunson]

"What. The. Fuck."

Over years of living in a trailer park, Eddie has seen his fair share of weird shit. But this right here? This surpasses everything.

Wayne is sitting on the couch in the living room, with an actual baby in his lap and a completely deadpan expression on his face like this is something that happens every day.

"Hey, Ed. Meet Sasha Munson."

"Sasha Munson?" Eddie repeats, hoping that saying the name out loud will make this whole thing less surreal. It doesn't, so he automatically switches right into disbelieving panic mode instead. "Sasha Munson?! What the fuck? She isn't mine, I promise, it's literally impossible, someone must've - Wait, hold on - Is she yours? Aren't you like fifty years too old to knock someone up? What the fuck did you do? Who's the mother? What were you thinking, man, we can't take care of a -"

"Eddie, sit down."

"No, I'm not sitting down, this is ridiculous, what the fucking fuck, we can't -"

"She ain't mine and she ain't yours."

"What the-" It takes a few seconds before Wayne's words sink in. Then, Eddie freezes mid-sentence, giving his brain a second or two to catch up to what Wayne just said.

"Wait, what?" he asks.

He gives the sleeping baby a distrustful look. It's small - too small to be a human, if you asks Eddie. It scares him a little bit.

"Then whose is she?"

"I told ya to sit down, Ed."

And Wayne's voice is so strict and serious that Eddie can only obey.

"Your dad was here earlier."

Those few words are enough to tell Eddie exactly what happened. He immediately feels sick to his stomach. He wants to cover his ears, or walk out of the trailer and never come back. But instead, he keeps sitting, frozen in his chair, and listens to what Wayne tells him.

"Sasha is his daughter. He had this girlfriend, Melody, 'bout a year ago. She's much younger than him, is all I know 'bout her. I think they were kinda serious at the time. But Clyde went and messed it up, of course. Cheated on her. She dumped him. Then showed up again a few weeks later all sobered up and told him she was pregnant. Far as I know, things went okay for a while after that. But she caved right after she gave birth. It took a toll on her, Clyde said. So she needed the drugs again. He left her; he didn't see a way to help her and he was worried 'bout Sasha's safety. So he took Sasha with him and brought her to me. Said he couldn't take care of a baby and that was that."

It is a story eerily similar to what Wayne told Eddie about his own early years, whenever he'd ask him questions about his parents.

Eddie looks at the tiny human in Wayne's arms. Her eyes are closed and her mouth is just slightly agape. She's wrapped in a blanket that has a soft shade of pink, with tiny elephants printed across it.

"He never learns, does he?" Eddie remarks with a sigh.

"He doesn't," Wayne affirms in a soft voice, shaking his head. "But you know what, if these are the consequences of his actions..." He first looks up at Eddie, then down at the baby in his lap again. "I can't even be too mad at him for it."

"Jesus Christ, what a mess."

"Don't think too badly of him, Ed," Wayne says. "He wanted to help them. Both of 'em. But he didn't know how. He did what he thought was gonna be best for Sasha. Just like he did with you. He ain't evil. Just a coward who makes bad decisions."

Eddie swallows thickly.

"We'll make it work," Wayne says with certainty in his voice. "It'll be tight, but we'll survive. We did it before, we can do it again."

Eddie nods.

"You wanna hold her?"

He shifts uneasily. She seems so fragile. He doesn't know a single thing about babies; he is his father's son, after all, not Wayne's, no matter how much he wishes he were.

"C'mon, Ed, she's your sister."

It's only now that Eddie notices how well it fits, Wayne with a baby in his arms. Like he was made to be a father. Like Sasha belongs there. There aren't any pictures of Eddie as a baby, as far as he knows, but he imagines it must've looked somewhat like this scene: the exact same couch, a different blanket, and a younger version of Wayne. One with less wrinkles and more hair; less worn-out by the sorrows Eddie has given him over the years. It's simple for Wayne, in a way it isn't for Eddie's father, and in a way that Eddie fears it won't be for him. To hold her gently and let her sleep to the rhythm of his heartbeat. To sit with her quietly and do nothing else. To give love and patience without expecting anything in return.

Eddie rises from his chair and sits down next to Wayne on the couch. He utters a shaky breath, trying not to show his nerves, and wipes his sweaty hands over his jeans before holding out his arms.

“Just like that,” says Wayne softly while he places Sasha in Eddie's arms.

She's warm and has that specific newborn baby scent clinging around her. She's heavier than Eddie expected. She stirs a little bit and makes a tiny sound, but then she continues her peaceful sleep. He studies her: her closed eyes, her tiny nose, the way her head rolls around helplessly if he doesn't support her steadily enough; the hand that's hanging out of the blanket, with minuscule but fully developed fingers that grab around nothing. He listens to the steady sound of her breathing and imagines the tiny lungs inside her body working on pure instinct to keep her alive. His sister.

He looks up and finds Wayne staring at the two of them with tears in his eyes. He only catches Eddie's gaze for a fraction of a second, then he looks away, to the window on his right side.

“You're wrong, you know,” Eddie says.

Wayne turns his head back to him.

“Bout what?”

“She isn't his. Neither am I.” He looks up from the girl in his hands to meet Wayne's eyes. “We're both yours. He didn't do jackshit for us, just dropped us here with you and ran away. You're the one who raised me, Uncle Wayne, and that makes me yours way more than his. And Sasha? We're both gonna be here for her, every step of the way. We're gonna change her diapers and feed her milk - I don't really know anything else about babies, but we're gonna do all of that, together. We're gonna see her grow up and become a person. She's ours.”

Wayne produces a noise that sounds somewhat like a choked-off sob. He puts an arm around Eddie and drags him closer towards him. He doesn't say anything, but Eddie didn't expect him to. He understands.

[sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts]

𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 | 1

part 2 - Life 360

screencaps and gifs: Pinterest

Pairing: dark!Joel Miller x Fem!reader

Warnings/tags: MDNI 18+, DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, Drinking, food,flirting, DRUGGING, KIDNAPPING, talks of true crime THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT YOU CONSUME

Summary: A Tinder date goes very, very wrong, but you always considered yourself prepared for such situations.

WC: 2.9K

For notifications follow - @sinful-mind-joyful-fics

A/n: I tried to step out of my comfort zone a little with this. It's based on a post I saw while doom-scrolling on this app from @blondwhowrites. She had this amazing post about wanting to see more readers who fight and don't stop. They don't lose hope, they go into survival mode, and I just hope I do this idea somewhat justice.

Swipe. Swipe. Swipe.

Two glasses of wine deep, you and your best friend sat comfortably on the couch, a true crime podcast playing in the background. The room was dimly lit, the only sources of light being the glow from the TV and the occasional flicker from a scented candle on the coffee table. The smell of lavender and vanilla filled the air, mixing with the earthy aroma of the red wine. 

You laughed as your friend, Jess, made a snide comment about the latest murder suspect discussed on the podcast. Her dark hair fell in waves around her face, a playful glint in her eyes as she took another sip of her wine. You felt a warm buzz from the alcohol, a pleasant contrast to the cold shiver the podcast sent down your spine.

"Can you believe some people are actually that dumb?" Jess snorted. "I mean, come on. Who leaves that much evidence behind?"

You nodded, your eyes focused on your phone screen, fingers swiping left and right in a rhythmic motion. Tinder had become a mindless distraction, a game you played together to pass the time and maybe, just maybe, find someone interesting. The profiles blurred together after a while, a parade of faces and bios that hardly registered in your mind.

"Ugh, another one with a fish picture," you groaned, swiping left. "Do they think holding a dead fish makes them more attractive?"

Jess laughed, nearly spilling her wine. "Maybe it's supposed to show they're 'outdoorsy' or something. Like, 'Hey, I can provide for you in the apocalypse with my fishing skills.'"

You rolled your eyes, ready to swipe again, when Jess nudged you with her elbow. "Wait, wait. Give me the phone for a sec."

Reluctantly, you handed it over, watching as she scrolled through your potential matches with a critical eye. She made a few quick swipes, her lips pursed in concentration.

"Nope. Nope. Definitely nope," she muttered. Then, suddenly, she paused, her finger hovering over the screen. "Oh, hello. Who's this?"

You leaned in, your curiosity piqued. On the screen was a man named Joel. He was 56, a contractor, and attractive for his age. His profile picture showed a ruggedly handsome man with a salt-and-pepper beard and piercing eyes that seemed to look right through you. He had an air of confidence about him, the kind that made you stop and take a second look.

"Damn," Jess said, raising her eyebrows. "He kind of looks like Pedro Pascal. Not bad for an older guy."

You couldn't help but agree. There was something undeniably appealing about Joel, something that made you hesitate before swiping. You read through his bio, which mentioned his love for traveling, his work as a contractor, and his interest in trying new wines. 

"Well," Jess said, nudging you again, "it's your last free swipe. What do you think?"

You took a deep breath, your finger hovering over the screen. There was a strange flutter in your chest, a mix of excitement and nervousness. Finally, with a small, decisive movement, you swiped right.

As the screen flashed "It's a match!", you felt a thrill of anticipation. Jess cheered, raising her glass in a mock toast. "Here's to Joel and his contractor skills. May he be as good with his hands as he is with a hammer."

The sound of your phone buzzing broke through the haze of wine and laughter. You glanced down, surprised to see a new message notification from Joel. Jess leaned over, peering at your screen.

"Well, well," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Looks like Mr. Contractor is making the first move. That's not something you see every day."

"Yeah," you agreed, a bit taken aback. "It's kind of refreshing."

With a grin, you opened the message. It was simple, yet charming: "Hey there. I saw you like trying new wines. Any recommendations?"

Jess snickered, taking another sip of her wine. "Smooth, Joel. Real smooth."

You couldn't help but smile as you typed out a reply. "Hey Joel! If you like reds, you should try a good Malbec. There's a great one from Argentina that I'm obsessed with."

His response was almost immediate. "Sounds perfect. I've been meaning to expand my wine knowledge. Maybe you could give me a lesson sometime?"

You showed the message to Jess, who giggled and nudged you playfully. "Look at you, already setting up a date. You go, girl."

You blushed, quickly typing back. "I'd love to. Any wines you're particularly curious about?"

Joel's reply came swiftly. "I'm open to anything, really. Maybe you can surprise me?"

Jess leaned in, reading over your shoulder. "Ooh, he’s smooth. What are you going to say?"

"How about this," you muttered, fingers flying across the keyboard. "Great! How about we start with a nice Pinot Noir? It's a favorite of mine."

"Sounds fantastic. Any recommendations for a good one?" Joel texted back.

Jess snorted. "He's definitely into you."

The conversation flowed easily after that. Joel proved to be both witty and engaging. He shared stories of his recent travel adventures, his favorite being a trip to Italy. "I spent a week in Tuscany, just soaking in the culture and, of course, the wine," he wrote.

You smiled, replying, "I've always wanted to go to Italy. Did you visit any vineyards?"

"Several! It was incredible. The scenery, the people...everything was perfect. You should definitely go if you get the chance."

Jess sighed dreamily. "Italy, vineyards, and wine? He’s painting quite the picture. Ask him about his work!"

You typed quickly, "So, tell me more about your work. What kind of projects do you usually take on?"

"I'm mostly into residential renovations, but I dabble in commercial projects too. Keeps things interesting. My favorite project was restoring this old Victorian house. Took a lot of work, but it was worth it."

Joel sent a photo of the Victorian house, its intricate details beautifully restored. Jess peered at the screen, impressed. "Wow, he's really good. That house looks amazing."

"Right?" you agreed, replying to Joel. "The house looks incredible. You have a real talent."

"Thank you! I love what I do. How about you? What keeps you busy?"

You shared stories about your job and hobbies, feeling the conversation flow as naturally as the wine. The atmosphere in the room grew even more relaxed, filled with the sound of your laughter and the comforting cadence of the podcast in the background.

"He's really something," Jess said, leaning back into the couch. "I haven't seen you this excited about anyone in a while."

You nodded, a warm flutter of excitement in your chest. "I know. It's...nice."

Jess smiled knowingly. "He's definitely a keeper. I should probably head home though. Work tomorrow, unfortunately."

"Yeah, me too," you sighed, feeling a pang of disappointment as the evening wound down.

Jess gathered her things, giving you a hug at the door. "Good luck with Joel. He seems like a great guy. Text me all the details later, okay?"

"Will do," you promised, waving as she disappeared into the night.

Returning to the couch, you saw another message from Joel. "It was great talking with you tonight. I'd love to continue our conversation over that Malbec. What do you say?"

You smiled, feeling a warm flutter of excitement. "I'd like that too. How about this weekend?"

Joel’s reply was quick. "That sounds perfect. How about Saturday night? I know a great Italian place downtown. We can have dinner and then maybe a glass of that Malbec at my place?"

You hesitated for a moment, the true crime stories from the podcast playing in your mind. But something about Joel felt genuine, and you decided to take a chance. "Saturday night works for me. What time?"

"How about 7 PM? I can pick you up if you’d like."

You thought about it, weighing the pros and cons. Jess had always warned you about letting strangers know where you lived, but Joel seemed different. Maybe it was the wine or his charm, but you felt a sense of trust. "Sure, that sounds great. I live at 112 Maple Street, apartment 4B."

"Got it. Looking forward to it. Have a good night!" Joel replied.

"Good night, Joel," you texted back, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves.

The next few days passed in a blur of anticipation. Jess was thrilled when you updated her, giving you tips on what to wear and what to talk about. By the time Saturday rolled around, you were a bundle of nerves and excitement.

As the clock neared 7 PM, you stood in front of your mirror, adjusting your dress for the hundredth time. It was a simple, elegant black dress that Jess had insisted was perfect for the occasion. You had paired it with a delicate necklace and your favorite heels, wanting to strike the right balance between casual and sophisticated.

Before heading downstairs, you grabbed your phone and texted Jess. "Hey, just a heads up. I’m going to that Italian place downtown with Joel. His address is 245 Fallsview Lane. I’ll text you when I get back. My Life360 will be on the whole night. Can you check on my location occasionally?"

Jess replied almost immediately. "Got it! Be safe and have fun. Text me if anything feels off. I'll keep an eye on your location."

You always prided yourself on being prepared. Too many hours of true crime shows had taught you the importance of caution. Sharing your whereabouts had become second nature; you never wanted to take any chances.

At exactly 7 PM, your phone buzzed with a message. "I’m outside :)"

You took a deep breath, grabbing your purse and heading downstairs. When you stepped outside, you saw Joel waiting by his car. He looked even better in person, his rugged charm accentuated by a casual yet stylish outfit.

"Hi," you greeted, feeling a bit shy.

"Hi," he replied with a warm smile. "You look amazing."

"Thank you," you said, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks. "You too."

Joel opened the car door for you, and you slid into the passenger seat, your nerves slowly easing as he drove towards the restaurant. The conversation flowed easily, much like it had over text, and by the time you arrived at the Italian place, you felt completely at ease.

The restaurant was cozy and inviting, with soft lighting and a warm atmosphere. Joel held the door open for you, and you were soon seated at a corner table, a bottle of red wine already waiting.

"This place is lovely," you said, looking around.

"I'm glad you like it," Joel replied, pouring you a glass of wine. "To new beginnings."

"To new beginnings," you echoed, clinking your glass against his.

The dinner was wonderful, filled with laughter and easy conversation. Joel was charming and attentive, his stories about his work and travels fascinating. He had a way of making you feel like you were the only person in the room, his eyes never leaving yours.

"So," Joel said, leaning back in his chair, "tell me more about yourself. What do you do when you're not working or swiping on Tinder?"

You laughed, taking a sip of your wine. "I'm a server, working my way through college. I'm studying to become a digital design artist. In my free time, I love reading, especially true crime. I also enjoy hiking. What about you?"

"I enjoy traveling and exploring new places," Joel said, his eyes twinkling. "I’ve been to quite a few countries. It's always interesting to see how people live and what they value. Speaking of which, are you close with your family?"

You hesitated for a moment, the memory of your dad's death flashing in your mind. "Not really. My dad passed away a few years ago, and things have been strained since then. My family lives across the state, so I don't see them often."

Joel's expression softened. "I'm sorry to hear that. It must be tough."

You nodded, feeling a bit vulnerable. "It is, but I've learned to rely on my friends. They're like my chosen family."

"That’s great," Joel said, smiling warmly. "Having a strong support system is so important. Do you have a big circle of friends, or do you keep it more intimate?"

"Mostly intimate," you said. "I have a few close friends who mean the world to me. Jess, who you’ve heard me mention, is my best friend. We've known each other forever."

Joel nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. "It sounds like you have a great support system. It's so important to have people you can rely on."

"Absolutely," you agreed, feeling warm and comfortable.

As the night went on, Joel skillfully guided the conversation, his questions always seeming casual and light. "So, have you ever traveled alone?" he asked, casually.

"Not really," you admitted. "I prefer to have someone with me. It feels safer that way."

"That's smart," Joel said, nodding approvingly. "Safety is always a priority. Speaking of which, do you have any health routines? Like, do you take any daily vitamins or medication?"

"Just the usual vitamins," you replied, not thinking much of it. "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious," Joel said with a charming smile. "I like to know what keeps you healthy and happy."

You smiled, feeling flattered by his interest. The conversation continued to flow effortlessly, Joel's charm and attentiveness making you feel special.

After dinner, you and Joel were heading back to his place for a glass of Malbec. You hesitated again, the warnings from the true crime podcast whispering in your mind. But Joel's smile was disarming, and the evening had been so perfect that you found yourself agreeing.

Joel led you to his car, opening the door for you like a perfect gentleman. As he drove, you looked out the window, making a mental note of big landmarks. You saw the city skyline fading into the distance, a large water tower, and a distinctive old barn. You kept these in mind, your true crime-trained brain insisting on caution.

"So, what do you usually do to unwind after a long day?" Joel asked, his tone casual.

"I love reading," you replied, glancing at him. "Especially true crime. There's something fascinating about the psychology behind it all."

Joel chuckled, his eyes briefly meeting yours before returning to the road. "That's interesting. So you must know a lot about staying safe then, right?"

You nodded, feeling a bit more on guard. "Yeah, it's always good to be prepared."

Joel's eyes gleamed with a curiosity that felt too intense. "Do you ever get scared living alone?"

You shrugged, trying to keep your tone light. "Not really. I take precautions. Plus, I have friends who check in on me."

"That's smart," Joel said, nodding approvingly. "It’s good to have people who care about you."

Finally, you arrived at Joel’s place. It was a secluded farmhouse, far from the city lights and surrounded by dense woods. The house itself was charming, with warm lights glowing from the windows and a cozy, inviting atmosphere.

Joel led you inside, and you were greeted by the comforting smell of wood and faint hints of vanilla. He poured the Malbec, and you watched him closely, noting every move he made. He didn't seem to spike the drinks; it all looked perfectly innocent. You settled on the couch, feeling a mix of comfort and unease.

"Thank you for tonight," you said, raising your glass. "It’s been wonderful."

"Thank you," Joel replied, his eyes meeting yours. "I’m glad we matched."

You took a sip of the wine, savoring its rich flavor. As you talked, the conversation drifted naturally.

"So, what inspired you to go into digital design?" Joel asked, his curiosity genuine.

"I've always loved art and technology," you explained. "Digital design feels like the perfect blend of both. Plus, I enjoy creating things that people find useful and beautiful."

Joel nodded appreciatively. "That's a great combination. Do you have a favorite project you've worked on?"

You smiled, thinking back. "Probably a website I designed for a non-profit. It was challenging but incredibly rewarding."

Joel leaned forward slightly, his interest piqued. "That sounds amazing. Do you see yourself starting your own firm one day?"

"I'd love to," you admitted, feeling the warmth of his attention. "But for now, I'm just focusing on finishing my degree."

"That’s smart," Joel said. "One step at a time."

You took another sip of the wine, feeling a strange dizziness creeping in. Your vision blurred slightly, and you set your glass down, trying to focus.

"So, do you have any big plans for the future?" Joel asked, his voice sounding distant.

"I... I want to finish my degree," you managed to say, the room starting to spin.

Your true crime instincts kicked in hard. Something was wrong. Very wrong. You discreetly reached for your phone, trying to text Jess, but your fingers felt heavy and uncoordinated.

Joel’s voice was soothing, almost too soothing. "You seem a bit tired. Are you okay?"

You nodded, your heart racing. You had to get out. Now. You fumbled with your phone, trying to hit the call button for Jess, but your vision swam.

Joel leaned in closer, his expression concerned. "Do you need to lie down? Maybe you had too much wine."

Panic surged through you as you struggled to keep your thoughts clear. "No, I... I need to..."

Just as you were about to press send, the phone slipped from your fingers. Joel was quicker, catching you as you slumped forward. "Easy there," he murmured, his arms strong and steady around you.

The last thing you saw before darkness claimed you was Joel's face, his expression unreadable. The phone buzzed futilely on the floor, Jess’s name glowing on the screen.

[fiivela]

I think one thing that always bothered me about D*ego and Lila (censoring so those shippers don't have to see, I love D*ego) is that D*ego has a lot of trouble working as a team.

D*ego works alone. He is a vigilante who prides himself on his own ability and heroism. Most of his self worth comes from his ability to save people. He wants to be a hero. He wants to be the only hero.

He and Eudora didn't work for many reasons but mainly because D*ego is someone who needs to be in control of the situation. He thinks his way is the best and he doesn't want to do things other people's way because it makes him insecure (boy is traumatized).

He and Lila have an instant bond because she is also wild and anti-authority and doesn't play by the rules. But he still doesn't trust her (and rightly so in season 2) so he goes along with what she wants to feel her out and understand her better. However come season 3 when he does trust her, this is where I could immediately see that they would not be compatible for an extended period of time.

D*ego is extremely controlling of Lila in season 3. Because of his sensitive ego he has a lot of trouble with Lila taking the reigns and making decisions for herself. Yes, she is pregnant in season 3 but D*ego treats her like she can not make informed decisions and takes away opportunities for her TO make those decisions. He shows a complete lack of trust in her skills and decision making by locking her in closets and telling her he has made up his mind already for her. D*ego believes he is doing the right thing by protecting his family, but he isn't. He is treating her very similarly to how the Handler treated Lila, or at least it's possible she would perceive it that way.

But it makes sense why in season 4 she doesn't involve D*ego in her investigation of the Keepers. She wants to be in control and investigate at her own discretion, but D*ego would feel inclined to take the reigns and go full hero mode if he knew. He would let his ego take over and relegate Lila to sidekick.

I love D*ego as a character. I think he is beautifully complex and flawed, and my interpretation isn't to bash him, it is just what I observed from rewatching seasons 2 and 3 recently.

Now look at Five. Five talks a lot of shit about Lila in s2 because he knows she is the enemy - and he's right! He has no reason to trust her. He doesn't play pretend and try to investigate by getting her to trust him, he does a more respectful thing and tells her, hey, I don't trust you, don't fuck with me. He doesn't manipulate her, and he doesn't underestimate her.

Same in s3. He still doesn't fully trust Lila and tells her as much, but he now has more perspective on why she is the way she is. Like Five, she has spent a lot of time being manipulated by the Handler. They are both trained assassins from the commission. He understands why she is the way she is, and doesn't underestimate her. He recognizes her as being smart, resourceful and dangerous.

Come season 3, they have known each other for years now and Five knows she isn't going back to the commission and has no plans on hurting anyone. Now he can just appreciate her friendship as someone who is just like him! He finds her at the Keeper's meeting and he's intrigued. Five follows Lila's lead at the Keeper's meeting. He trusts that she has already sussed them out and asks her for her information instead of insisting on finding it out himself because he sees Lila's skills as valuable and appreciates that things that she was able to do that Five wasn't.

Now, on the subway they must rely on each other for survival and you see them actually helping each other. Lila cuts his hair, Five helps her injured foot, Lila even shaves his face - literally with a blade to his face! - and they enjoy and respect each others skills and what they bring to the team.

Once they get back, you see Five and Lila playing off of each other. Five tells Lila to use her lazor eyes, not to run away and let him handle it. Lila and him team up to use their powers together. Five listens to Lila's idea of using his power, even if he doesn't fully agree with her plan, because he trusts her and believes her to be smart and capable.

I just think that in the long run, Five and Lila would genuinely be more compatible than Lila and D*ego based off of the evidence I've seen and interpreted from the show.

[lizzieisright]

Moon peppers (4)

(1) (2) (3)

Palestine: what can you do

were!Abby x witch!reader

Summary: Abby runs away from her (former) pack and into your forest. You're not happy with your new (woods?)mate.

Tags: fantasy au, sloppy worldbuilding (fuck it we ball), fem!reader, alpha!abby, witch!reader (so not an omega), sentient forest, stubborn idiots in love who annoy each other.

Notes: how do I keep hating the witch after she saved my life asking for a friend

Taglist: @abbysbae @poxismind @sidefanficaccounttohidemyshame @pjmispunk @herdelreydear @lmaoo-spiderman @littletinyladybugs (if you want me to tag/untag you for the whole series dm me please)

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Your morning is.. odd. You expected yourself to forget how to control so much magic, but instead it feels better than the last ten years you spent being weak. You really couldn't live like this: it made you feel vulnerable and helpless, and now that your power is back, you feel like yourself again.

In a way it terrifies you. Because you were a completely different person ten years ago, and now you don't want your old habits back. You don't like seeing your tattoos and runes, especially the ones on your forearms, but you try your best to make peace with it. Your tattoos have almost nothing to do with your power - they're just channels for your magic, a spellbook engraved in your skin. They were faint before yesterday, fading away as your powers grew weaker, but they were still there, and they will not disappear until you die. You have to accept it, and maybe, if you don't make stupid decisions this time, you'll change your heart about them. 

You meditate before breakfast to manage your flow of magic exactly like Caitlyn showed you, even though you expect the wolf to wake up at any moment and trash your still room. But the wolf is asleep - you can feel it through the bond, which is annoying: you don't like having your space disturbed like this. You're sure the wolf won't like it too. You concentrate on the bond between you to see how well the healing is happening and it makes you groan - fat chance it will be finished by the evening, with this pace it will take a whole damn week. The thought of spending more than a day with the wolf makes you depressed.

Abby wakes up. This fact alone shakes her to her core: she is not dead. She is supposed to be dead, what the fuck? More than that, she feels almost okay - she is not supposed to feel mostly okay, she fucking died! She knows this, because no way in hell she hallucinated having her throat ripped out. 

Then Abby opens her eyes, tries to move - and goes into survival mode. She is in a still room and she is restrained. All her paws are chained and she can't move. This is worse than death. Oh god, this is so much worse. 

Abby tugs on her chains with all her power, but they down even bulge. Abby growls and coils and tries again, but she only hits the wall with her back. Abby starts to panic: she can't stay here - the fucking witch bound her! She is in debt to the witch! She needs to leave before you come and order her to do something horrible. 

Abby tries again, but this time the door to the still room opens and Abby sees the creepy glowing eyes of yours. Abby starts to move around even more violently - she doesn't want you anywhere near her. You're one of the rare monsters of this world and she needs to either get away from you or to kill you, but she is not staying here. The moment she is free she will rip you to shreds. 

At least you look scared when you enter the room and you keep the biggest distance possible from her. Abby growls and snarls, clasping her jaws around the air, eager to kill you. 

“It's not what it looks like.” You blurt, your arm in the air as if you want to tell her you came in peace. 

Abby growls louder. 

“Listen, I'll free you if you calm the fuck down and turn into human form so we can talk.”

Abby is so angry she doesn't even consider the possibility of calming down or pretending to calm down. 

“Or I can force you to turn into a human.” You say in a shaky voice, as if you're yourself scared of this possibility. 

This actually makes Abby stop. She doesn't want you near her, so she needs to pick the least of two evils. Abby growls and starts to change, her fur disappears and her bones rearrange. The chains tighten around her human wrists and now she is sitting on your floor, glaring at you, her shirt ripped on her sides and her pants dirty.  

“Thank you. I will explain everything and then I'll free you, okay?” Abby just growls at you again. 

You swallow hard: the wolf is even scarier as a human. The woman is big and strong and her claws are out still, her arms are bulging with muscles, and the way she looks at you doesn't help you calm your nerves. Her shirt is red from blood and it only makes her look scarier. You clear your throat and start speaking.

“Yesterday I found you dead, and the woods wanted me to save you. So I did. Right now you're still in the process of healing and if you go too far away from me, the energy will stop coming and you will die. This is why I brought you here. I also knew you would want to kill me or you'd run away, so I chained you. Now, please make peace with the fact that you're stuck with me for a while and then I will release you. Good? Good.”

Abby growls, humbled. She doesn't want to make peace with it, but you do sound logical. And you're still scared of her, which is a good sign: maybe you won't have the guts to hurt her. 

“Am I blood bound to you?” Abby growls and you look offended and angry, which confuses Abby. And also amuses. 

“Fuck you.” You spit. “Not all witches are like this, you ungrateful beast. The only bound you have is the energy one that heals you. After that you're free to leave and please don't ever see me again. Jerk.”

You flick your fingers for the chains to disappear and stomp out of the still room. You knew this werewolf was an asshole, but holy fuck! 

The wolf stomps after you.

“It would not have happened if you didn't take all the moon peppers!” The woman argues and follows you to the kitchen. You turn around and stare at this ungrateful, entitled shit of a wolf. 

“First of all, as if a bunch of moon peppers would have saved you from getting your throat ripped out!” You snap back and get into her face, angry and stubborn. “Second of all, maybe if you didn't fucking attack me and talked to me instead I would have shared some of them!” You flip your arms around in frustration.

“Because witches are famous for being helpful and kind.” The wolf snarls at you and you can't believe the audacity of her. 

But she is also right. She did have all the reasons to attack you and not trust you. You calm down a bit and take a step back. 

“It's still idiotic to attack a witch. I might've not been so nice.”

“You were shitting your pants in fear.” The wolf deadpans.

“As if I wouldn’t find a way to get my revenge without a direct attack. You're exceptionally stupid.” You huff and the wolf growls. “You took my friend's den, covered it in blood and attacked me. Do you comprehend what I could have done if I wanted to? You know why witches use blood binding? Because it  makes us stronger.” You hiss sadistically into the blonde's face.

For a second there's fear in the wolf's eyes, and some part of you feel satisfied. The other part, though, feels disgusted with you. You take a breath. 

“I'm sorry. You just really pissed me off being so stubborn about your own safety.” You sigh and rub your face. 

The silence falls and you go to the kitchen to cook some breakfast for yourself and for this stupid wolf: after all, you will be stuck together and if someone will be nasty and poison the shared time, it won't be you. 

Abby blinks. She feels lost. She expected you to be some kind of creep or a sadist, even if you were afraid of her; and she knew you could've bound her - that's exactly what she thought happened. But she didn't expect you to actually be nice. Well, relatively nice: you chained her for her own good, then threatened her and now you just apologised to her, and Abby feels like a fool if she continues being mean to you. She really doesn't have any ground to mistreat you except some rumours and her awful, but limited experience. She only met one witch before. 

Well. She can play nice too. 

“I'm Abby.” Abby says grumpily, still not ready to believe you: you just threatened to bind her, for god's sake!

You hum and tell her your name as well while you cut vegetables with aggressive vigour. Abby assumes you're imagining cutting her into pieces. 

It's awkward. It is really, really awkward. You're obviously still frustrated and Abby doesn't burn with desire to talk to you either. Plus she is in your home and she definitely doesn't know where to put herself. She settles for a stool near you. Abby stares at your back and your arms silently, and then she is hit with the realisation. 

“You didn't have tattoos before.” 

You smirk sadly. 

“Yeah, well. Before that I didn't have to revive a whole werewolf.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Ask the forest. They made a deal with me.”

How calculating, Abby thinks. Also: how the fuck do you deal with a forest?

“So you still do deals.” 

“It's different.” You say sharply. “I don't blood bind.”

“I get it.” Abby huffs and backs off: a witch who doesn't like blood binding, might be a goddamn oxymoron. “So for how long am I stuck with you?”

“Three days, probably. Maybe more, depending how fast you'll heal.”

“I heal fast.”

“Don't compare your usual healing with coming back from the dead. Who knows how much of your brain died. That's why you can't be far away from me. You go away, you break the bond, your brain dies. Got it?”

Abby hums. She has never heard of anyone being able to revive someone. She thinks you know some old forbidden magic if you can bring people back, and it just doesn't match with what she sees: a scaredy cat who lives in the woods and has to spend hours fishing to get three fish. Your home is cosy and warm, with a lot of natural light and Abby doesn't understand how you could have saved her life: you’re soft and weak and live in a house suited for some kind old lady, not a witch who could bring people from the dead. How much fucking power a witch would need to even do that?

“How far is too far?” 

“If I stay here and you go beyond my shields, you're dead.”

Abby sighs, annoyed. She doesn't want to stay next to you for three days. She is somewhat grateful for being alive, but it's weird. It's very weird to be in one space with you. 

You place two plates and sit opposite of Abby. Abby looks at her plate and wants to hesitate, to think, but she is so fucking hungry she starts eating right away. 

It's not…bad. Edible. (God she will have to eat like this for three more days?)

You watch the wolf- Abby's face and can't help your smile. Unfortunately you're very familiar with the fact you can't cook - Cait and Vi tried it once and since then you don't host dinners anymore; sometimes Cait sends you back with food - but you didn't expect the wolf to be so sensitive to your food. You eat it just fine after all. 

“It's bad.” You laugh. 

“It is.” Abby agrees. “Did you do it on purpose?”

“What? No. My taste senses are just fucked up by a lot of potions.”

You see how Abby tenses and you sigh: it's strange to have your everyday life being seen as some kind of horror story. There's a lot of rumours about witches that are mostly true, but you don't think of Abby as a mindless, uncivilised beast even though she is a were, so there should be room to believe that some witches are not that bad. 

(You think of your past and feel ashamed: it's not like you were “not that bad” all your life). 

“Don't tell me you've never drunk a potion.” You try to appeal to Abby's own experience, but you know she might have a bad one. “From coughing? Pain killers? Never?”

“Are you saying witches brew them?” Abby smirks like you're ridiculous. 

“Well, yes. We sell them for money, that's how everyone gets them.” 

Abby is silent as she chews your food that you think is quite edible, actually - but she drinks her flower milk with every spoon and you take a wild guess she can't stomach it. 

“Okay, listen. Are you a good cook?”

“Yes, actually. Everyone with enhanced senses makes a good cook.” Abby says with pride and you see her blue eyes sparkle. She also has freckles. Which is kinda cute. 

“Then you can cook whatever you want and not suffer.” You offer. 

Abby frowns at you like she expects some kind of trickery. You sigh again and raise your hands in defeat. You tried. 

“Do you have any meat?”

“...No.”

“And I can't hunt.” Abby explains to you like you're stupid. You roll your eyes. 

“There's fish in the freezer. It should be fine.” 

That's how Abby spends her afternoon: cooking fish. She has to ask you for other ingredients and you send her to your still room, which makes her shiver. It's creepy - just like you are with your eyes and tattoos and potion drinking or whatever - and Abby thinks of people trapped in these still rooms and being experimented on. She is happy she doesn't see any kind of animal parts on your shelves. You're out of the house for the most part: when Abby looks out of the window, she sees you sitting on the ground, absolutely still. Weirdo. 

“At least this weirdo is harmless compared to her kin.” Abby says to herself while she cuts the fish.  

You also saved her life and didn't ask for anything in return - not counting leaving you alone after - and Abby really struggles to keep thinking of you as a monster. You don't seem half-bad. And she should make friends here, now that she doesn't have a pack. The thought of being friends with a witch actually makes Abby laugh out loud.

After lunch, which is spent mostly in silence except for your praise on Abby's cooking, you tell her you'll be in the still room and that she can find something to be busy with. You point at books and yarn. Abby rolls her eyes. 

She has absolutely nothing to do. Her instincts are going crazy as well: your home looks like it needs an alpha. You're not an omega, and you don't need Abby's help, but she feels like she'll go insane if she doesn't fix something. She fights her urges, but after an hour she gives up and sharpens your knives. It makes her feel easier and she can read in peace now. 

You come back in a few hours and sit on the opposite end of your sofa, exhausted. Abby doesn't look at you. 

“Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to the village for my check ups. You'll have to come with me.”

Abby frowns. She doesn't want to show her face in the village - what if some of her former packmates are still around and will notice her? 

“Can your deals wait?” You sigh loudly, annoyed: can this wolf be nice for one fucking minute or is Abby trying to establish some kind of hierarchy in your house?

“I am a healer.” You deadpan, tired of dealing with Abby’s shit. “People need me.” 

“It's not safe for me to show up like this.” Abby scrunches her nose.

“I guess it’s connected to the fact that you were dead yesterday.” You say and Abby can only nod. “I can hide you, if you want. There's a spell that will not let people recognise you if they mean harm.”

Abby coils back. She doesn't want any fucking spells to be put on her! But in a second she clears her head and thinks about it: she clearly doesn’t have a choice if she wants to survive. And you offer her help, so maybe it’s not too bad. 

“How can I know you're not fucking with me?” You blink and Abby tries not to look you in the eyes: you look like an owl. And not in a cute way. 

“Can't you smell if I lie? I know weres can smell emotions. Also, the bond we have can make you feel awful if I try to harm you.”

Abby hums, thinking it over.

“Okay. But if you try any funny business, you're dead.”

“You'll be dead too, idiot.” You roll your eyes at Abby and she rolls hers in return. 

The wolf is kinda annoying. You can understand her distrust, but her threats are getting ridiculous. 

The last step of this strange and mostly unpleasant day is getting ready for bed. You look at your small sofa and try to think how Abby will fit, but the other option is the floor, which you assume she won't appreciate. You give her the choice anyway, Abby looks between the sofa and the floor like it's a hard choice, like she thinks the floor is a valid option. Then she agrees to sleep on the sofa. (I'll turn back if I'm uncomfortable, she tells you.) You bring her a pillow and a few blankets: the nights are getting cold and you usually use your magic to keep the hut warm, but you can slip up when you sleep, and wake up to a freezing house. 

“Why don't you use wood like normal people?” 

“It's too much work. I can find a tree that fell, but you need to chop it, bring it here, chop more, store the logs. Nah. Magic is easier.” 

Abby huffs. 

“So you rely on your magic all the time.”

“And you rely on your senses and strength.” You deadpan. 

Abby doesn't say anything in return, having no valid arguments. You sigh and make a circle with your hand, turning all lights off, and then you show Abby where the candle is in case she needs some light for her reading. Abby nods and you wish each other good night. 

You both can’t fall asleep for a long time, too bothered by each other: you don’t like having Abby in your home after she has been so nasty to you for the reason of “the witch”, and Abby doesn’t like being in your home for the reason of, well, “the witch”. She is alive, and she should be happy, but your presence is a constant threat and she can’t let herself fall asleep. You can’t fall asleep because you feel Abby, her life energy like a giant bright light in your living room and it’s hard to ignore it. You try to meditate but it seems to make you even more energised. 

You fall asleep when it’s so dark you can’t see anything beyond your windows. Abby falls asleep five minutes later.

[cthulhuwritesstuff]

Let’s talk about escapism.

In case of these two peculiar lovable dummies, escape from reality they face on daily basis (not to mention that those realities are also what both of them believe they deserve) is being with each other.

Both realities are quite different (which is the issue number one), and at this point, I believe we all know what those realities are.

However, when brought down to crisp clear simplicity: they both suffer from tremendous amounts of guilt and are both in trauma-induced, nerve-wracking, depressing state of survival mode. They understand each other very well, because it takes one to know one, but neither of them is allowed to see that. It is more of an instinct that they do not question in fear of breaking their little kaleidoscope image of a fantasy where they just are.

Means of escape in this case is sex, where both of them get to let go of that baggage for a while and ignore the existence of it altogether.

This tactic, no matter how enticing and addictive, is still just a means to an end, and it has a low shelf-life expectancy.

They are both aware, partially or subconsciously, of this engagement and are both unwilling to to let go of it because “You are the only thing that makes me feel alive and not just like I am surviving Hell.” (Literally)

BUT, as long as it’s not addressed head on, it is not real and it can’t hurt them, and as we already know — real things in their lives hurt them and are what makes them miserable.

Stolas is aware of that. He is way ahead of Blitz when it comes to that realization.

Stolas himself mentions the adoration and fear he has toward their escape method several times, in his songs.

Stolas not only knows he’s at risk of losing his escape method, but due to him bringing these feelings he had developed for Blitz forward into his reality, they suffocate him just like the rest of his life does. He has no capacities to rationalize it all, he has never healed. So he convinces himself, despite hope and reason, that Blitz doesn’t want the real him.

He had made this decision even before Blitz came in, whether he liked it or not. The spark Blitz brings into his life is far too small to battle the overbearing guilt of simply existing. He trained and fed that monster for years.

His hope sounds more like foolishness and naïveté to him, because “How can someone love me?”

So he leaves the situation before the conflict begins, because that is how he copes. He wants to escape the crashing “reality he deserves” (which is being all alone and sad), and no matter how much we know that’s not true, right now, Blitz is a part of that reality for good, not his escape method anymore.

Stolas’ image is all he has, and keeping himself composed is literally all he has left when he finally faces Blitz. When Blitz doesn’t allow him to leave, doesn’t understand why he is being “dismissed” and challenges him, the dam breaks and Stolas now forces him out to get some of his equilibrium back. That creates a whole new problem I cannot wait to see addressed in the future episodes. Stolas will most probably overcompensate for that last “show of weakness” in some way. Let’s remember: Blitz had never seen Stolas cry before, and honestly, I don’t think anyone who matters has.

On the other side, Blitz has the realization of “this is real” the moment Stolas offers him the crystal with no strings attached.

“I can always do better” said after Stolas had already placed his freedom on the palm of his hand is him asking not to be forced to face the fact that this is not just a fantasy world anymore.

“Keep it the way it was because that doesn’t hurt” might be the words to go by, and Blitz— no matter the fact that he hears exactly what Stolas is telling him and understands it, too — is now terrified.

Because Blitz is not good enough. He is not a reliable person. He is trash. He is at the bottom of the food chain. He is a murderer. A selfish, heartbreaking freak. He is a hypocrite and a pervert. He is undeserving of understanding, of comfort, of grace.

And that feeling of instant pain and rage you get when you read those words is exactly what he fights against each day while telling all those things to himself.

None of it true, yet Blitz believes it wholeheartedly.

He attempts to push that away again by slipping into the all-too-easy role play, into silly make believe, not because he is cruel, not because he is obtuse, but because he is desperate to keep the door to his escape route open. To keep the fantasy going, because he has no capacities to realize his feelings (or Stolas’ feelings) yet.

And when he is, yet again, cut off, is where the fight or flight kicks in and his inner voices start screaming.

There must be a real, tangible reason that Stolas is doing this. There must be some kind of an endgame that Blitz can understand. Blitz needs his equilibrium back now, and there’s the point of breaking.

Stolas is probably getting bored of him. Stolas now knows what he likes and that he can get it anywhere he wishes, so he is throwing Blitz away and trying to masquerade it as a kind gesture. And to Blitz, who takes pride in standing his ground and never backing down, who despises being looked down on and being pitied, this is absolutely infuriating. It is downright insulting.

Rage pours forth, and he is borderline incoherent, but everything he says is a precise image of what he thinks of himself first and what he wants Stolas to do second. There is nothing to land on however, Stolas is not his escape anymore, so when Blitz falls into anger, he burns to crisp and says things he doesn’t mean.

Escaping into Stolas was all too easy and he had taken it for granted — both of them had. Stolas shows this by, even for a moment, hoping Blitz would say “yes, I will stay” at the drop of a dime, and Blitz by expecting Stolas to take everything he dishes out, bear traps and insults included, and still want to be around him.

Neither of these things happen, neither gets to escape themselves. The spell is broken and now they are both hurt, they are both alone. They are equally at fault when it comes to that fight and they are equally overdue for facing their own demons. They were, at the end of the day, singing two different songs and there was no room for really understanding the other side when there’s already so many assumptions, insecurities, self-hatred and conclusions about what they had birthed from pain and previously accumulated fear.

We are not supposed to be told this straight up through the show. Neither of them is supposed to say this aloud because real life doesn’t work that way, and I love that. It is very raw and visceral and it is very well crafted.

As I said before, I will say it again: miscommunication in this episode was done flawlessly and I cannot wait to see how it all gets resolved.

[runningupthatvecna]

the law of seat partners

alrighty so ya gurl had a dream about eddie last night and here i am trying to use that to base the following something off of.

part 2

cw/tw: eddie munson being a slightly touchy precious bean. a slight bit of angst. feeling left out/mentions of feeling unwanted if you squint. otherwise, none that i could think of, just my silly brain fluff. if you find something else, please let me know yaaa. no mentions of y/n.

summary: you're going on a high school field trip with your friends. and thankfully, a long haired metalhead is also there to keep you company and ease the pain of being around obnoxious children.

side note: this is literally the first fic thing i've written in literal YEARS (also in English) and first ever time writing for Eddie, so bare with me here, i've gotten quite rusty i guess so i truly apologise if it's rather bad. don't mind me and please reblog/leave me comments if you did enjoy this pure fluff something!

------

It was the sunniest May morning the town of Hawkins had ever seen. The bluest sky above the forests and fields, downtown, the infamous trailer park and the parking lot of Hawkins High.

You sighed as you placed your car in parking mode before opening the door and sliding out, just so you could grab your belongings - a rather big bag filled with all sorts of items that you were certain you were going to need for surviving the next week - out from the backseat.

A field trip with students with an age range from bloody twelve to the wise years of nineteen, well, twenty to be specific, was on your agenda in the almost last month of your last year of high school, and thankfully you were not gonna be stuck in some forest next to Lake Superior alone by yourself.

Being forced to exist around screaming twelve year olds who were about to enter puberty was your least favourite part of the whole expedition, which made the presence of your group of best friends so much more valuable.

There was one person whose attendance you'd specifically been hoping for. And yes, of course you and your friends had been talking about the trip months ago so it would be clear who would join in the fun, but with Eddie's tendency to be flaky when it came to decisions like this, one could never be fully sure.

I mean yeah, certainly you were looking forward to spending this week by the lakeside with Steve, Robin, Nancy, Jonathan and the younger kids in freshmen year, but nothing could make the thought of being stuck with a group of middle schoolers and teachers more bearable than being stuck there with the one guy who you - to put it frankly - had a thing for.

You couldn't really say that you were as close with him as you were with Steve or Robin, you never really spent time with him outside of the group hangouts. But that didn't mean that there was any weird distance between the two of you when the lucky occasion of hanging out did come around.

Eddie Munson was a metalhead. Through and through. Tough exterior, soft baby cow personality but could turn stone cold when necessary. When people tried to shame him for being different, for example.

You were also very certain that his love language was touch, based on the times he would throw his arm around you when casually walking you to your next class or the way he would playfully wrestle Dustin or Lucas in the cafeteria during lunch break to show he didn't hate them.

"Oh my god, I'm so glad you're here!"

Max had spotted you in line and apparently didn't feel too much guilt for cutting it just so she could hop on the bus together with you.

You mumbled the same thing back to her, wondering if you were the first or last ones of your party to go through Miss Kelley's check-in.

She greeted the both of you with a toothy smile before she turned her focus onto the sheet with students' names. Your eyes wandered over the rows of seat pairs, and since you had arrived at the parking lot, let's say not late but also not early either, most of them were already filled with loudly chatting kids.

"Hopefully the others saved us a seat", you heard Max say from in front of you. Unlike you, she already had a pre-determined seat buddy. "Oh please, it's obvious that Sinclair kept one for you", you quipped back, silently hoping you could potentially be sitting next to Steve or at least Robin.

And even if Eddie was going to join you, he'd probably be sitting with Chrissy. Or Gareth.

"That might be true, but I'm sure you'll be just fine with where you'll end up."

Max stepped further into the bus after she gave you a wink and a slight grin.

Did she know more than you?

Good boy Steve was rather easy for you to spot. With that amount of hair peeking out above the sea of headrests? No wonder. In fact, most of your friends were already seated further in the back of the one-story bus.

A slight hint of disappointment clouded your brain at the sight of Steve and Robin sharing a seat pair, with Nancy and Jonathan right behind them. Your fear of being the one left out and behind was creeping out from the back of your mind, acting up.

People had always been kind enough to endure you, but no one ever really chose you. Or at least made you feel like you belonged.

Lucas indeed had the seat next to him reserved for Max, to where she continued her strut down the aisle to plop down, while Dustin and Will had agreed to share theirs.

Surprising they made it out of bed this early.

You took a few more steps towards the back of the bus. A wide grinned Erica was seated amongst her friends in the center of the very back row, your eyes scanning the seats until they landed on the wild dark mane of a certain metalhead, who was occupying the pair of seats right behind the stairs down to the back door.

He was practically lying in the window seat. Head resting against the glass, staring out to observe the students who hadn't set foot onto the bus yet. Parents who were lecturing their kids one last time before letting them go.

Was he daydreaming? What could possibly be going on in that pretty head of his?

Your heart jumped and your stomach fluttered when he shifted his gaze to the aisle where you were standing. The widest smile spread over his face at the sight of you, and you hated to admit to yourself that it did not leave you unaffected.

The seat next to him was empty.

It took Eddie a few seconds to remember what his initial plan was. As if something in his brain clicked, as if a bolt of lightning had hit him, he straightened himself and got up.

"Uh hi there. I, uh, kept you a seat if, uh, in case you'd like to sit with me."

Eddie the freak Munson. Had thought of and would be willing to sharing seats for a 10 hour bus ride. With you, of all people?

In the light of the sunlight flooded bus, you could see his cheeks adjusting to the colour of your own. Flushed pink.

And you just couldn't help the wide grin that was pulling at the corners of your mouth.

Now both of you were standing in the aisle facing each other.

"I would love to, Munson."

Quickly you took out the essentials for the journey from your bag: headphones and your walkman, your tape collection that you wouldn't leave the house without, a novel, some water and a tote bag with your carefully selected snacks.

Eddie waited patiently for you to get comfortable, standing there in the aisle in his signature leather jacket and denim dio vest, while leaning against the backrest of his own seat, watching your every move.

Once you swung yourself around into your seat, Eddie plopped down next to you with an equally wide grin plastered across his face while pointing his ringed index finger at the snack bag.

"You know, you're gonna have to share those with me."

You turned your head around to face him, eyebrow raised.

His chocolate brown doe eyes were so so softly looking at you. If you didn't know better they'd melt you on the spot.

"Oh really, do I?"

"Yeah, it's the unspoken yet official law of seat partners, sweetheart."

You chuckled at his silliness and the pet name, the nervousness which you had gotten from the thought of him very obviously thinking of you when it came to the decision of who to sit next to, all gone.

He wanted to be physically close to you.

He wanted to spend that time on the bus around you.

He chose you.

After Steve, Robin and all the others from your group had acknowledged your presence as well with genuine smiles, and the last few kids had found their seats, it was time to leave Hawkins.

The bus hit the highway towards Chicago pretty soon after departure.

Eddie let you sit in the window seat, which eventually led to him conveniently using your shoulder as a pillow. And no, you didn't mind the weight. It was Eddie.

Hell, you were having a hard time keeping yourself from wrapping your arms around him to pull him closer.

"Does this also fall under the law of seat partners?", you asked curiously, placing a hand on Eddie's head and slightly scratching his scalp.

The only thing you got in return was a satisfied, sleepy "mhm" and a squeeze and rub of his warm hand over your thigh, but it was enough for your mind to drift off, wondering which other of Eddie's love languages and further details of his ridiculous seat partner law you'd come to discover on this trip.

-----

tagged: my beloved ellen @josephfakingquinn <3

[slotumn]

Some notes on how I personally like to write the lords + Rhea+ Shezleth wrt sacrifices and deaths and moral dilemmas they face when they make decisions

Basically,

Edelgard: People will die because of my decisions, but it must be done in order to bring change and ensure more don’t die in the future under an unjust system

Rhea: People will die because of my decisions, but it must be done in order to maintain stability and ensure more don’t die in the future under chaos and turmoil

Dimitri: People have died because of me and my decisions, I know it’s unforgivable no matter what and I will atone for it by avenging them (feral mode)/saving as much as or more than I have killed (post-feral clarity)

Claude: People have died because of me and my decisions, but that was the best I could do in my situation, and as long as I/we stay alive thanks to that I/we still have a chance to turn things around for the better

Byleth: People dying is people dying and nobody knows if any of your decisions will be “justified” until it plays out. I’ll help you get the results that will hopefully “justify” your decisions because I love and support you, but honestly, all that shit you're saying is just cope

Shez: Cool cool, where’s my fucking money

As you can tell the main foils/contrasts I like are Rhea <–> Edelgard, Dimitri <–> Claude, and Shez+Byleth. More rambling about it under the cut

For Rhea and Edelgard, I like to focus on them being similar people at different points of life/the project they’ve dedicated their lives to. I’m sure people have already made the analysis about parallels between them, from losing their families/conquering the continent/etc etc but basically, they have very similar philosophies/attitudes/outlooks, and the difference is whether the current system and dominant ideology is what they like or not.

I think that a young Seiros, fleeing a genocide and recruiting allies in the south, would have had faced similar objections Edelgard did; Nemesis may not be the most benevolent ruler, yes, and we don’t literally believe everything his regime preaches, but at least things are manageable and stable if we play along, especially down here in the south. Do we really need to risk everything we have to go up and fight him? Your ideas hold appeal, but some of us don’t find it appealing enough to die for it.

And similarly, I think Edelgard, if she grew old enough to see her system really take root in society, would say a lot of the same things that Rhea would've liked to say, when younger generations complain; look, what we have isn’t perfect, but you really don’t want to see what it was like before, and the fact you can have these complaints at all are a testament to the system I’ve made working. And if you try to burn all this down out of youthful passion, it’s more likely that we will regress instead of progress.

For Dimitri and Claude, it’s about how they deal with guilt; on a personal level, specifically. Politically I think they’d take or dodge responsibility as is necessary lol

Dimitri is straightforward, almost too straightforward. Not great at coming up with excuses, or rather, excusing himself. His way of facing the guilt is very one on one; taking blood for blood, while he's feral. Saving life for life taken, post-feral clarity. And even then, deep down he feels like ("knows") it's will never be enough. And he takes on all that guilt head on even in places where it's not his fault, a.k.a. survivor's guilt.

Claude, meanwhile, dude is a mental gymnastic gold medalist (affectionate). It's not that he doesn't feel guilt, but I think he's very good at seemingly minimizing it, excusing it, and convincing himself that he's better off focusing on other things. As for survivor's guilt, I'm not saying Claude wouldn't ever feel it, but he'd focus on the fact he survived, rather than the guilt.

Finally, Byleth and Shez. Honestly I think they have pretty similar outlooks, it's just a matter of how they explain it lol. The role I like to give these two is reality checkers; because the lords and Rhea can have their debates about Ideology™ and The System™ and Morality™ and Responsibility™ of it all they'd like, but in the end, it's people like Shez and Byleth doing the dirty work and dying on the field for the decisions.

And when people die, the physical, material reality is that they're fucking dead. Attach causes and justifications and obligations and excuses to their corpses as you want, but at the end of the day, it is a corpse and the person is dead. That's the reality they've always lived in, and not just as a one-off incident, either; the thing they do for survival is fighting and killing. They have a "It Is What It Is" type of attitude as a baseline, because, well... it is. Doesn't mean they don't feel things about it. Doesn't mean they don't want to save people where they can. Nonetheless— they know all too well that what happens is what happens.

For this reason, I like to think that grand moralistic judgements are not their thing, no matter the route; they don't even think the lord they sided with is fundamentally more correct/better. Like, come on, when they were asked to choose a house upon arriving at Garreg Mach, they probably weren't weighing their options based on who'd be the most "objectively" "morally" correct if a war broke out between the three (+the Church).

That being said, I think they definitely have a sense of what's good. But it's not the philosophical/abstract type of good you might hear the other four get into debates about. Shez and Byleth's idea of good is, in many ways, very small and inconsequential— but grander concepts of morality can't exist without it. And I like to think that the reason why Shez and Byleth become so important to the side they picked isn't just because of their powers, but also because the constantly they remind others of those small good things.

"Good" to Shez and Byleth is having enough to eat; having warm clothes and bed to sleep in and a roof over their heads; spending time with the people they care about and seeing them safe. It's quite animalistic, in a way; interesting, considering that Agarthans belittle their enemies by calling them beasts.

But I don't think those two would be particularly affected by being called animals for that reason. "These beasts are happy— what about you?"

[yudrein-aile]

I have reached ch 400 of turning. Kinda obsessed with the difference between the two timelines Kishiyu... Yudrain is like. Young! And doesn't understand politics that well. And there's so much baggage. And meanwhile Yuder is like. 30. He's constantly like "ah these young kids". There's still baggage but he is so much older and experienced and Kishiar responds to that differently than he did + different circumstances (like. Ch 400. Full info not yet revealed). Anyway I came to !!! Because idk who else to !!! At about this

Please !!! here any time, I love hearing your thoughts! sorry you're getting a whole god damn essay reply i had to put a read more.

Yuder is, and continues to be, incredibly harsh on his younger self, especially at the start, some of it is deserved - calling his younger self arrogant and quick to anger - but a lot of it, I think, is also just colored by how much was asked of him vs. how much he could do.

Yuder judges immediately in the first chapter that joining the Cavalry seemed "like a chance for dazzling success and thrilling adventures" as he had not "outgrown his boyishness". In the same paragraph he also judges that he didn't know anything about the intrigues and politics he'd find himself in, "that everything comes with a price, and that he was not well-suited for such pursuits".

In chapter 3 he straight up calls his twenty-year-old self "a poor country bumpkin with a gloomy expression".

So like, the impression we get of twenty-year-old Yuder, to me, is that of a 20 year old kid, who's not really socialized because his grandfather died seven years ago and he's been on his own ever since, and thinks that maybe getting to meet others like him, measuring his powers against them, would be fun.

Generally spekaing, the vibes I got from Yuder is that if he could, he would've done nothing but train all day. He's not interested in leadership, but then he's made Cavalry Commander. In chapter 2, he points out this rise in status himself:

"The previous Yuder had held a great deal of power and influence as the Cavalry commander of the Empire, but now he was nothing more than a young newcomer from the countryside. Who would actually listen to someone like that?"

Think back on the literary lessons - most Cavalry members couldn't even read or write when they joined the Cavalry. Yuder could read, but not really write well. Imagine that, he's twenty, he just learned how to write properly, Kishiar manages to mcfuck himself up during the Red Stone Retrieval Mission and decides "yes, that one will be my successor".

Like to Yuder, even ten years later, it seemed like Kishiar pretty quickly and decisively decided to make Yuder his successor.

Why did Kishiar La Orr pass the position of leader to Yuder at that time? And without any hesitation, as if it had been planned from the beginning.

And it's mentioned at times - a lot more later when Yuder knows what's up - we learn also that Yuder received proper lessons from Kishiar (and Nathan) and probably a whole bunch of other people to prep him for his work as Commander. Because Yuder does do well. The Cavalry is thriving, outpacing every other organization withing years. Sure, he's an interpersonal nightmare, but he did also pay for like parties if it was requested or so. And again, he went from semi literate commoner to Count and, argueably, one of the Emperor's most trusted men. That's insane.

And now in the second timeline, Yuder takes that knowledge with him. He knows what to expect, what he learned by trial and error. Just think about the second gender manifestations that go well. Heck, his own, I'd argue, is his turning (ha) point. The first 150ish chapters really do feel like Yuder's only in survival mode, but after his own second gender manifestation, the thing that IMO definitely fucked up his and Kishiar's relationship in the first timeline (mutual non-con my beloved trope <3), it's like an awakening (sorry full of bad puns today).

And for their relationship in the 2nd timeline!! Kishiar and Nathan both pick up that Yuder's more skilled than he should be. In chapter 17 we have this exchange:

"Nathan." "Yes." After Yuder left, Kishiar, staring at the chilled teacup on the opposite side, opened his mouth. Kishiar's cup was empty, but the one on the other side remained untouched, just as it had been from the start. "What do you think of that guy?" It was an unusual question. Nathan pondered for a moment before answering. "If I hadn't heard of his background beforehand, I would never have guessed he was a commoner." He was unmistakably a commoner, an orphan, barely twenty, yet he did not falter in front of Nathan, let alone in front of the noble duke who was as esteemed as the heavens.

And in chapter 59 we got:

Ever since first meeting him, Nathan Zuckerman had been continually investigating Yuder Aile's background. But just as his lord had predicted, there was nothing to find. His past was impeccably clean.

People regularly are in genuine awe of Kishiar because of the whole sun god thing, and I'd say in the first timeline, while also annoyed with Kishiar, to a degree did treat him according to station before he was made Commander and was even more annoyed with Kishiar.

And now here comes second timeline Yuder who had like. meals with the Emperor and knows Kishiar, to a degree at least.

And Kishiar very much picks up on this. He's got a prodigy on his hands who's not afraid to say what he means - not because of arrogance, but because he's straightfroward and correct. He's fascinated with Yuder to the point of propositioning him to figure out what he's on. (rip to Nathan hope you never learn of this).

Like, man if I have to put it into words, I think 2nd TL Kishiar falls in love because he's fascinated and interested by Yuder and wants to know him wholeheartedly, while for Yuder it hmm feels a lot more like hmm devotion/dedication to an ideal? Which makes Kishiar's genuine joy when he learns a small thing about Yuder a delight to read and vice versa when Yuder realizses why Kishiar acts in a certain way.

Like in 199 we got Kishiar saying , "I was merely asking out of curiosity. Isn't it a natural human tendency to want to know more about a subject of interest?"

(Also love how in 200 Yuder is like "Kishiar is so smart and skilled it's only a question of time until he manages to seduce me" babygirl what the FUCK is that thought process. can't you just say he's hot and charming and you both have a competency kink)

uuh. i think i lost the plot a little replying to your ask but like. yes. i love how the different circumstances shape their experience and attraction to each other,

[lets-try-some-writing]

The Grim Dark Archives: Statement #006 The Children

[Statement taken from [Redacted] on [Redacted: Sensitive data] regarding the Autobots acquisition of three human children. We do not know why or how the Autobots collected the children considering they actively avoid human contact when possible. However, they recently came into aquisition of three human wards and Optimus made it quite clear he will not be giving them up.

The Prime offered many logical and sound reasons as to why he and his team should be made guardians, and unfortunately, since we do not know the situation, command made the decision to allow it. We cannot risk the Autobots losing their wariness of us. Command was willing to sacrifice three civilians for the sake of our long term survival.

It's a [Redacted] situation, but there's not a lot we can do. [REDACTED] was asked to offer any insight he might have regarding why the Autobots gained and interest in the children to begin with. The statement he gave was... unsettling.

Statement begins.]

══════════════════

Three human children huh? I've looked over their files, and I gotta say I agree with your higher ups when it comes to this. There really isn't a lot you can do for those kids. If Prime personally chose them, it means he's got plans. And whenever Prime has plans... let's just say it doesn't end well for whoever is involved. I would know. I... was a close friend to him before the Archives took him away.

No I won't be addressing that little tidbit right now. Just consider it a little lore from your dear agent [REDACTED] alright?

Look, I don't claim to know Prime's mind, but I did know Orion before and after the Archives took him as one of theirs. And based on what these reports are telling me, I think I have a rough understanding of what Optimus is trying to do with them. You said Jack was the first, right? Arcee found him at his place of work and skidded away with him on her alt mode. Strange. She would have normally just bucked a passenger that she didn't like right off.

I think he was an accident. Arcee is still grieving the loss of Cliffjumper. The urge to latch onto another must be quite strong for her right now. I imagine that when Jack hopped on, her instincts clicked with him despite the species difference. He's young, he's not anywhere near as strong as even a newspark, and he willingly came to her even if he did not know it. He checked all the boxes, its no wonder she kept him then.

He is likely in the least danger out of the three when all things are considered. Arcee is incapable of creating a cold forged from him since he is organic, and so she won't threaten the team with her parasitic bonding. Jack will be alright so long as he doesn't anger her. She will guard him with her life and viciously fight to protect him from everything, including himself. She will be toxic, she will gaslight him, and she absolutely will try and pull him away from everyone else in his life. She will want to own him completely in order to begin the process of creating a cold forged from him. Of course this is impossible since he is no Cybertronian, but she will follow her rituals all the same.

I imagine Optimus wants to keep Jack since he ensures Arcee remains a loyal ally without the threat of her nature. Jack will never be physically harmed so long as she is near. Although I would be careful. Maybe give the boy a briefing so that he never mentions another female in Arcee's presence. Femmes are notoriously territorial. I would not put it past Arcee to go and kill any female classmates or even Jack's mentor- mother? Yeah that's the term. Simply put, keep her away from any "competition" and Jack should be fine, well, he won't be mentally fine but being alive is better than being dead I guess.

The one called Miko though? She's got it infinitely worse and I don't think she knows it based on the reports. Her status with the Wreckers is highly concerning. Wreckers are not naturally aggressive toward other species, but they do get bored easily. Perhaps that is the wrong word. They are so strange that even I don't really get them. But basically, when a Wrecker isn't given much to do, they start causing problems. BIG problems mind you. If there isn't a mission or objective to complete, they will create problems to solve and even revolt against their faction just to have something to do. Being trapped on Earth must be its own special kind of torture. I can bet you a hundred shanix that the only reason Bulkhead hasn't lost his fraggin mind and burned down a city is because he's hunting down that rogue Wrecker still.

What's shanix? It's our currency back on Cybertron- Wait, that's beside the point. Quit getting me off track here.

Miko is being used as a distraction to put things lightly. Wreckers like to see how far they can go, constantly testing the limits. Miko's personality and the fact that according to this, she wants to be "Just like Bulkhead" tells me that she's in for a rough ride. She probably won't be augmented or anything like that. It would be way too much effort for Bulkhead to bother. But you can bet that Miko will be thrown into any and all dangerous situations just so that Bulkhead can watch and see if she makes it out alive. He will probably try to play hero too. Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

Yeah, that girl is as good as dead. Well, at least if Optimus stops advocating for her life. Keep an eye on her and give her a quick briefing. I wouldn't tell her anything important, the calmer she is, the better things will be for her. However I would recommend combat training for her, or at least some of that Navy SEALS stuff you squishies have going on.

And then there's Rafael...

Honestly, I pity the boy. He's got Prime's direct attention. Rafael understands Bumblebee too. Frag he's honestly better off throwing himself off the nearest cliff. If Prime hasn't started the augments, he sure as pit will soon. I won't sugar coat it a ton since I know you lot are mature. So listen closely when I say that Optimus wants data. He always wants data. That child, Rafael... he has what we call outlier abilities. His mind is just different enough that he can pick up on our EM fields. He isn't actually understanding Bumblebee's words, he's understanding Bumblebee's intents and automatically translating them. A "Vibe check" kind of thing.

What I am getting at is that Rafael is one of the few who could handle Cybertronian data. Prime isn't dumb, he can see that. He's always looking for new optics to add to the Archive. My best guess is that he's going to bring Rafael into the fold, make him one of the Archive so that Optimus can have data regarding humans up and personal. The fact that the boy was given to Bumblebee only confirms that. Rafael is to be Bumblebee's newest gift and Rafael will feed Optimus information on anything and everything as soon as the augments are impanted.

You will know when the augments are done. When you know, don't talk to him. Don't say anything to Rafael. Don't let him SEE anything. Rafael cannot be allowed to know anything as soon as he joins the Archives. Everything he will see is something Optimus will also see. Not to mention Bumblebee... he's an adolescent. He has a desire to mentor a newspark, just like all our kind do at that age. If he has Rafael, he will be sure to guard Rafael and treat him very kindly. The cost is of course, that Rafael will belong to Optimus and Bumblebee in all but spark, or perhaps soul.

The only saving grace for the boy is that he will likely never know. Things that hurt will eventually fade away. His personality will shift, his mind will wander, and one day, he will wake up and not care anymore. The distress will be limited once he is fully one with the Archives. Bumblebee being there is likely also an attempt to keep him calm while the process is being completed.

I wouldn't have put it past Ratchet to have requested human subjects either. Keep a close eye on your young. That medic might try and steal a few now that Optimus has allowed for three to be taken.

══════════════════

[Statement end.

Those kids... I wish I could do something for them, but [REDACTED] has made it quite clear that acting could destroy us. The children keep the Autobots from harming more civilians, and as much as it pains me to say... letting three die is better than having whole cities burn.

We will keep an eye on the children and brief them as best as we can. The science department is going to want Rafael for their own, I'm sure. They can try, but if [REDACTED] is right, any agent they send won't make it out again.

On another note, up until now [REDACTED] had refused to take an alternate mode. But in light of recent events, he settled on a Martini Porsche, a racing model no less. A strange choice, but one that feels fitting for him. He's been opening up more and picking up on Earth lingo left right and center. But considering all he's said about adaptation, I am not inclined to fully buy his laid back persona, especially after his first few months with us where he was shaking like a leaf.

We can only hope these aliens get off our planet sooner rather than later.

Agent Witwicky signing off.

Recording ends.]

[clydesavage-thefox147]

So, I've had some big theories that I haven't touched on yet. But, since there's a upcoming official episode, I thought it was the best time to post them until then and even after. I've had these developed for years lol.

This theory in particular is about Virgil and Janus and how I believe they have more in common than originally thought as well as touch upon their potential history within the similarities. There's more about them for me to talk about but this is big piece of the picture.

There are three paths that Anxiety and Deceit take together.

The first being: Anxiety worsened by deceptive actions. Pretty obvious one honestly. One thing that people who struggle with anxiety desire is security. But, excessive deception leads to a fasle sense of security and a lack there of. It's even made worse when the anxiety sufferer finds out of the lies and confronts the liar. The liar could straight up deny that they did so or admit to it and explain why they did it. But, this confrontation can sometimes be harmful, making it harder later on, leading to constant back and forth disagreements and distrust. Anxiety is especially worsened and heightened in Narcissistic relationship. When the abuser is manipulative, gaslighting and deceptive, it leads to a high spike in cortisol levels. These abusers make you question your choices, your memory, your personality, your life and even your sanity. When trying to leave the abuser, the effects become visible. The higher cortisol turns into survival mode. Your amygdala, where your anxiety is located, is swelled immensely which reduces your hippocampus which is responsible for memory and decision making. This can make you feel as though you're going crazy, or the abuser has made you out to be delusional in the past. This can make it harder to form new relationships because of the fear of being mistreated, used and deceived again. Or, you could form a 'trauma bond' and continue to get with just as abusive partners and friends in belief that you deserve it or you have become use to the familiar chaos. Betrayal Trauma is a serious matter. It can lead to PTSD, paranoia, and worsened anxiety and depression. It also causes low self worth and self doubt. Lies are a control tactic. Keeping secrets and withholding the truth can jeopardized a relationship and break trust which is a fragile thing.

All of that..is exactly Virgil and Janus' relationship. Virgil is so weary and defensive when he suspects anyone of lying. He's extremely against Thomas lying. He's very aggressive and hostile when Janus is present(or in fight mode). Janus does have tell-tale signs of a narcissist: deception, manipulation, gaslighting, love bombing, and a somewhat lack of empathy(not to be confused with sympathy). Virgil must have been naive and gullible enough to believe Janus up until he realized the truth of the matter. But, he still questions if he himself was truly the one at fault because he must've been pushed to believe it. Thinking back to Healthy Distractions, Virgil was very adamant on Rico potentially lying and spreading the rumor that Thomas was the one at fault or the issue itself in their friendship. The way Virgil looked when he said "If he lied on purpose.." seems as if he's had this experience before..whether it be that Thomas had it before or Virgil himself experienced it. Then, in the GRWM video, Janus spoke on gossip and said "There's something so beautiful about people sharing their inner most secrets with you that you may use later on down the road for you own personal gain". So, blackmail. Hell, when they pointed out Anna's gullibility towards Hans in Frozen, Virgil said "There's no way she's coming out of this without trust issues". Huh. In conclusion here, their relationship must of been full of emotional abuse. Don't believe me? Listen to Virgil's Spotify playlist, a good chunk of it is about toxic relationships.

But that's not all, Anxiety can also be weakened by Deceit. When a person becomes accustomed to lying and their deceptive nature, their guilt and shame related to it shrinks. The frontal lobe is where you deception is located. The more lying you do, the more the amygdala will shrink. So, the more deceit is needed, the less anxiety is needed on the topic. Putting it in Sides terms, The more influence Janus has on Thomas and everyone else, the less of an influence Virgil will have and I don't think Virgil is particularly happy about that and Janus being around so much now could be a potential risk to his job as a side.

The second path: Anxiety can caused Deception. Yep, it's true. Also known as Cognitive Dissonance, this is a notion of lying to cover up your responsibility for an issue in fear of the consequences or rejection. You fear being found out so you lie to avoid detection. Think about this, when you were a kid, how many times have you broke something or made a mess? A lot right? And what did you do when your parents found out? You lied. Saying things like "oh my sister/brother did it", or a more elaborate lie like "oh it was a big earthquake that shook the house!". Sure the humor might have reduced the punishment but it still happened. As a kid, your authority is your parents, you're afraid of the their reaction and their punishments. But not just parent, even teachers are your authority, I mean how many times have you lied and said you did your homework? This is also common in relationships though too. Fear of losing them, hurting their feelings or starting conflict with them if the truth is revealed makes you lie to cover it up for as long as you can but covering it up can make it worse when they do find out. It's a never ending circle. Being caught in a lie. Another instance of lying to authority is in church. People who felt like they have committed a sin repent or conceal their sins in fear of the persecution of the priest or preacher. This is pretty common for people with religious trauma and Catholic guilt, especially lgbtq Christians. Concealing, lying and hiding their true selves in fear of the response from anybody. Being pushed into a corner or closet full of shadows and panic of the worse reactions.

This behavior follows perfectly with Thomas. Thomas was afraid of telling Joan the truth that he missed their show. Virgil told him lying was wrong and should tell the truth but..in secret the fear from him made Thomas scared to tell the truth because he didn't want to hurt Joan. Thomas was also afraid of talking to Lee and Mary-Lee before the wedding because he didn't know how they'd react to him wanting to miss their big day. Then, there's the obvious Catholic guilt and Moral Anxiety. Patton being too forceful with the "perfect person" or "Good Person" rhetoric made Thomas repress what he thought was bad and lie harder to reduce consequence. And him being gay on top of it is another thing he had to conceal and lie over. But...Virgil himself is just as guilty of this. Virgil's refusal to reveal his name for the whole first season was a lie of omission. Sure, it could be from the trust issues because he didn't reveal it until he felt safe to do so but it still counts seeing as Janus did say it did in SvS. However that wasn't just it. One can be the fact that if his real name is Virgilius, that's another concealed truth he must've done to separate himself for the Darks. Another is his refusal to admit his past involvement with them. Janus was insinuating this in SvS which made Virgil very aggressive. This could have been Virgil being afraid of the information being used against him and result in consequence. Because, when he finally admitted to part of it in DWIT, he was on the brink of tears. He was afraid of Thomas' reaction to this reveal, literally telling him that he deserved punishment and he expected it. Saying "But I should know better" which then Thomas said "why should you be treated differently than any other side?" which lead to the reveal. He was so disappointed in himself and hurt that he prepared for punishment. Hell, his whole ramble in Healthy Distractions afterwards was his fear still resonating. Thinking that Thomas still hates him or he's shocked that Thomas hasn't punished him yet.

Then, there's Virgil still not admitting the whole story of his past. Yes, he may not be ready yet since it does seem painful to him to talk about. But, Janus and Remus were pushing him to talk about it and make him come back but Virgil just wants to move on and change for the better..but..is he really? That's their question to him. But, it seems like the others are just a guilty of things and in denial as well. Janus knows this, but he too is guilty. Virgil and Janus act like they both know something about the other. But they're too stubborn to admit their faults themselves so they blackmail each other by teasing that they'll spill the other's secrets which would be just as bad if not worse. All of this...because of Cognitive Dissonance. Going back to the Narcissist thing, they commonly do this. They spend time building up their facade and mask of how they want to be perceived, but when they are detected and confronted, they panic..then start placing blame on the confronter or others entirely and not take responsibility...hmmm, sound like anyone in particular? A certain..prince❤️? But..Janus could also be guilty of this too. This could be a trauma bond moment for Virgil. Him and Roman have been getting along a lot lately...despite Roman and Janus being similar in ways too. Hell, their new found friendship is the definition of "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" with how they both equally hate Janus. Funny how Janus confirmed this phrase as true in SvS huh. But..maybe something will come to light that will break their new bond soon. Maybe Janus reveals something about Virgil that breaks Roman's heart or vice versa. Or they all break each other down to their worse and lowest. All we know is that, this denial and concealing of the truth is not healthy and catching everyone in their own lies..all because of not want to face the consequences.

And the third path: Anxiety itself is a liar. This was already evident in the second point. Virgil's denial and refusal is already showing this. But, in general, Anxiety is a control tactic. Fear is a powerful force. It is used to dominate, control and deceive. Blackmail is a form of this. Threatening to reveal the truth or threatening harm in general is fear mongering. Fear mongering is very common in society itself and that's what leads to prejudice. The fear mongering in the Sides universe is believing that the Darks are the bad ones when there really is no bad guys, just greys. "Anxiety can distort reality and make people believe things that aren't true, such as fears that are inevitable outcomes. For example, someone who is anxious about an upcoming presentation might worry that they'll embarrass themselves or forget their words, even though these thoughts aren't based in reality". It's true. How many times has your anxiety said things like "this is pointless", "you're ugly", "Everybody hates you", "You're an asshole", "You should be dead", "You deserve this", "They think you're weird" etc? These are lies Anxiety tells you to maintain dominance over you and it's up to you on whether you let it continue or you take back control and learn to work with it or combat it. If you let Anxiety push these thoughts, it can lead to Paranoia and excessive worry about how others perceive you or how you perceive others. It can make you think that everyone and everything is a threat to avoid or fight. It's funny that Virgil said in SvS that he's wrong a lot and even admitted to not being a beacon of truth. Because in a study conducted by Pennsylvania State University titled "Exposing Worry's Deceit", they surveyed many people on how they perceived upcoming events, separating them between turning out better/worse than expected or about the same. In conclusion, the study showed that 90% of worrisome thoughts are false! Sure, there are times where your gut instinct is right but there's a lot of the time where it's wrong. It also depends on the person's life and luck too.

But if this is a general estimate, this just gives Virgil's statement more depth. Yes, there's a difference between being wrong and lying. Being wrong is where you thought one thing that turned out false and you either accept it..or respond rashly to push that you were right. Lying is that you KNOW something is wrong or is an issue but you conceal it and say everything is fine or correct when it's clearly not. But both walk a fine line between each other. In summary, Virgil is just as capable of deception as Janus is, so Janus saying "It takes a liar to know a liar" reigns truthful. This is how Virgil was in the beginning of the series and even slips back into these behaviors even up to now.

Those are the three paths they take in terms of psychology, but there are other similarities between them.

Path 4: Other similarities. One major piece of this is that of their colors💜💛. Purple is Yellow's opposite, making them complementary. Purple can cancel out Yellow's undertones. This is commonly seen in shampoo for blondes that have purple pigments in them to reduce the yellow tone of their hair to make it platinum blonde. And, if you put a purple filter over a yellow object, it becomes white. Them being opposites but also comments to each other is literally their relationship. Hell, Green💚 and Orange🧡 need Yellow💛 to survive but Purple💜 is the opposer, even though green, orange and purple are secondaries together💜💚🧡. So it makes sense why Virgil was the one that left. Another similarity is that how Virgil and Janus both have attachment to Patton. Virgil is definitely not happy about Janus and Patton's new connection. Both of them even gave Patton a Christmas card as a gift! They also both have history with Roman and his treatment of both of them. And..another noticable factor is that their story arcs both involve acceptance..but their storylines are going parallel. Virgil's first episode was "Taking On Anxiety" but his acceptance was subtitled "Can ANXIETY be Good". Janus' debut was "Can LYING be Good" so it only stands to reason that an upcoming episode or part of the finale will be about taking on deceit or taking on denial.

So..out of all of that...in conclusion, Virgil and Janus have more in common than meets the eye and their history is potentially very harsh. Sure, Virgil may have been subjected to other mistreatment but Janus was a main culprit. I'll talk more about this in a future post. But, to close this off...it seems like we're in for angst with these two. 💜💛 But what do you all think?

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Alright so the post about the idea of Delta being severely depressed and attempting su*cide by sneaking into a battle between the Stars and Nightmare, and tries to kill Nightmare by giving it his Whole Ass Everything has been living in my head rent free and makes me ask two questions.

1. If the "good ending" happened and everyone lived, how would Color and Epic react to Delta's attempt? (Especially knowing that Beta would have had to allow the body to die as well, meaning that the poor kid was ok with death?) How could they (Color and Epic) possibly attempt to cope with the fact that their best friend(s) was going to commit suicide and didn't want to tell anyone because they didn't want to be any more of a burden than they had to be, in their (Delta/Beta's) view?

2. If the "bad ending" happened, how would they react to his death?

(I was also thinking about how Zorox would be affected but then I decided it was too sad to put a dog through that lmao, so we're gonna leave him out of this one)

Zorox paws at delta’s bedroom door. sleeps in front of the door. will sleep on the bed if anyone opens the door, drags delta and beta’s old clothes out of the drawers and closet and whimpers when anyone tries to take them back (likely to clean them.) he whines all night at the closed door of delta’s workshop/garage.

whenever taken to their gravesites he just slumps down on the ground nearby and whines like hes been stabbed. He barks and panics whenever epic and color are gone too long and probably develops separation anxiety. he probably keeps trying to constantly linger around color and do specific things he only did for delta and beta (like lying on their lap or chest for deep pressure) and color suspects its because of the bravery soul he absorbed.

dogs cats and animals in general are said to be sensitive to the supernatural and the like. perhaps he sense the bits of colors bravery soul and its familiar.

can see a scene where zorox can sense epics pain and grief despite how epics constantly doing everything to pretend that hes not in as much pain as he is. hes constantly making his jokes and memes and trying to focus on avoiding the topic and changing the subject and avoiding sleep more often than not and forgetting to eat.

and zorox keeps doing his old alerts that he used to do for beta and delta for epic and color now and he keeps pushing and pushing epic to eat or sit or drink and color may be too simply because he shifted gears into full caretaker mode and is trying to avoid feeling the anguish—both his and epics—that he can feel building in his chest.

and I don’t maybe there’s a scene like from mockingjay, the one with Katniss and buttercup. This scene. with zorox and either color or epic.

as for if delta and beta survived (especially if they’re injured) I feel like colors gonna immediately turn on that therapist/mother henning instinct. i feel like hed be treating their injuries and hed have tears in his eye because the thought of how much pain they must’ve been in to make that decision, how he “didn’t notice,” is fucking painful.

and i feel like beta and delta are going to feel so guilty and ashamed and constantly avoiding looking color in the eye. (honestly i like to think that colors just the type of person no one really likes making or watching or listening to him cry (except for nightmare) especially delta and epic and beta.

especially not in this situation, where he could’ve lost two more friends to the likes of nightmare. fighting and struggling to save and protect killer from him was traumatic and stressful on its own. the thought of losing anyone else to nightmare is terrifying and makes him so angry.)

i feel like delta and beta might have an easier time meeting epics eye, if only because he has that ability to make people laugh. and because they dont have the added feeling of guilt of having made him cry (they did epic just knows how to hide it).

epic would probably try to hide any pain from this under a joke and a meme, expressing his worry and concern and care of course.

but i feel like he wouldn’t allow the two to see how deeply it effected him and colors probably the one who’s aware of it and holds him whenever he allows himself a cry or wants to have a serious talk about it. (please feel free to chime in and add more onto this i feel like my brain stuttered to a stop near the end 🙏)

(side note but do yall think killer would call color pretty and beautiful whenever he cries. and like when hes wiping away colors tears and probably nuzzles or kisses his cheeks. like hes a sadistic little freak would he find colors crying pretty in certain situations.)

[thedawningofthehour]

I did the SPECIAL stats! Oh, for Fallout initiates:

I used the New Vegas model for this, because you get literally twice as many SPECIAL points and also they got rid of skills and traits in Fallout 4.

So without further ado

RAPH

Obviously, our boy's gonna top out on Strength. I tagged Melee and Unarmed for obvious reasons, and Survival because of that one episode. No, actually, while in-game Survival is mainly used as a cooking skill I do feel like Raph would be good at camping, mending, all that outdoorsy stuff. If, you know, you got him away from New York long enough. The biggest danger would come from him not knowing what's safe to eat and erring on the side of 'shove this delicious-looking berry into my mouth.'

And Hot Blooded I felt was a good parallel to his savage mode.

LEO

I made the decision not to top out any of Leo's skills because 1) he is so across-the-board powerful, and 2) he has a very lethal case of Dumbass. I waffled a bit on not making Charisma his highest skill, but I wanted to showcase how Leo's main talent lies in his smarts and wit. But still not at 10 because dumbass.

I mentioned in doth that Leo was crafted for agility, and while he definitely was I think Draxum's main intention with him was versatility. He's an all-around great fighter, but not particularly strong or defensive, and Donnie was likely meant to be the sneaky agile one. Leo was an all-rounder. And he gets Small Frame because my boy your arms look deflated.

And Skilled because again, Leo is a dumbass. Very smart but slow to catch on where he's not smart.

DONNIE

My man is fucking jacked. Okay, I don't care what the writers said about Donnie being the weakest, man is second to Raph unless Mikey is being magical about it. Intelligence topped out, obviously, Perception is high but not quite as high as Leo's because he's a moron. Energy Weapons because I feel like Donnie would enjoy a laser gun.

Four Eyes because of the glasses he's pictured with as a kid. And Built To Destroy because he's Donnie.

(I've mentioned that Bella has a Charisma of 2. Donnie gets one more because he's the funny one)

MIKEY

Mikey actually gave me the most trouble. I knew I was going to top out his Endurance, but the rest? I felt like I was undercutting everything but I only had 40 points to allocate. I tagged Explosives and Lockpick because-well, I just felt like he would like that.

Debated on Small Frame, felt like that kind of went against his whole defensive specialty, but I couldn't pass up the Agility boost.

I considered doing April but she'd be 10s across the board.

I might do a level-up later to give them some perks, we'll see.

[onmyyan]

🗡️Psycho🗡️ Anon, here again! #5

Ya gonna have to make a divider folder for me or somethin for all my posts I’m submitting to ya at this rate…

Anywho as my brain was rottin n everythin I was sent into another eureka episode of delulu with Ashley Hunt. I’m so sorry but no not really cuz I love this man and I’d let him tie me up to him like a cock sleeve. Like seriously I wish this man would geta larger fan base too cuz he deserve a harem. Imma be whore #1 for him though plz…

So back to me thoughts. Imma be like those people jumpin into multiverses and constantly explorin AUs, cause it was another AU idea I had with meetin Ash. We got your original story reader, then the AU of hardcore city girl reader yours truly made (check out my submits #2 and #3 for new viewers), and now we got…

Bimbo AU reader!!!

Yea we samplin lots of different dishes hun! Cause sometimes I just wanna be “no thoughts head empty” ya know? But like not in a horrible misogynistic way…Like hardcore city girl was fun, but now let’s see something that’s more opposite of her character and see how Ash deals with this new character/reader personality.…so dontcha worry this new AU won’t be bad. I hope not…

You know the drill, story starts by us comin out to the small ass town in the countryside n livin with our grandma. In this AU though, grannie is doin just fine. It’s us who’s fucked. Ya see we got our hearts broken yet again in our home of the big city. We’re not that smart ya see…and cause of that we’re constantly taken advantage of by romantic prospects. What can I say? We’re a hopeless romantic at heart and wanna be whisked away be a handsome Prince on a horse…

So grannie thought it’d be good for us to leave the city for a while and come to the country to take a break from all the bullshit. We oblige cause there ain’t anyone who’d ever take advantage of us in a small town in the hicks. And some of our former suitors have been real bratty to us lately and our friends think distance might be the only solution at this point. Maybe we can become a better or new person by the time our stay with grannie is over. We could get whisked away to the land of Oz and getta new brain perhaps…

So now we all cheery comin out of our vehicle and unpackin our luggage. Ashley Hunt pops up of course and introduces himself. We get a lil flustered cause he big big at 6’6” and got the muscles to match. We polite n everythin and introduce ourselves too. He offers up to fix parts of the house (as per usual story sequence) and before we give him our answer, a small pocket journal falls from the luggage we’re carrying onto the floor. It’s guide our friends helped compile for us on “how to survive and make smart decisions” cause we just that naive and stupid…

It filled with tips, advice, and scenarios of what to do when a man does xyz. It even got a chart that you can answer yes, no, and the like that points you down to the final verdict at the bottom. We look over to the sound of the falling object and see the pocket journal and that enough for us to remember our poor decision making skills. So we just say “no” like our friends back at home have been drillin into us to practice sayin to men when we confused or can’t make a sound decision at the moment…

Ash is a bit taken aback at this and is asking us if we got someone else already comin to do repairs. We respond “no” again. Then he asks if we’re gonna do it ourselves. We say “no” again. And then we kinda just stand there in awkward silence for a few moments as Ash himself is just tryin to process what just happened himself…

We tell him it was nice meetin him and he gets the hint and bids adieu sayin that he hopes he can see more of us. And if we change our minds or need anythin from him to not hesitate to come n get him. “No” is what we reply with a smile cause we stupidly on auto pilot repeat mode still. Ash is just stupefied himself at this point wonderin what he did wrong as the door closes in his face and he got a while to think ridin home…

It’s been a couple days n we gotten all settled in. We haven’t gone into town yet and decided we should explore. We’ve also been running out of some food so it’d be good to pick up some groceries too while we at it. We go to town surprisingly easily given the single direct road from the house. Thank goodness for our poor brain…And as we shoppin in the small store mindin our business we get harassed by the town creep. A old poor drunk who tends to only come out durin late nights to a bar. But lucky us he had to come out this fine afternoon…

 He tells us how we must be new in town since he hasn’t seen our pretty face n all. We just smile and take his compliment cause we really do think he bein nice to us. Drunky of course takes this as an invite and starts gettin handsy and our danger signals finally start flarin. And whose hand comes in to save us? Our country beau Ash!

He easily pulls drunky back tellin him how his ma and pa raised an animal for doin something like that to a lady and throws him out of the store onto the street. Ash quickly comes back to us askin if we ok and all. We nod and tell him this ain’t our first rodeo dealin with men like that. To which we don’t notice the brief flashin murderous glint in his eyes as we ‘em this. He pushes the conversation to a better place askin how we’re enjoying town n everythin. And we happily tell him we likin the area so far. Easily forgettin the events that just occurred as we continue our shoppin with Ash by our side…

The conversation ends when our shoppin does n we tell Ash we should get home. He says goodbye he himself happy that we were able to be close and our second encounter wasn’t like our first again. Much more pleasant. And as we drivin back home we wanna do somethin nice for Ash since he saved us. But then we think back to our pocket journal and gotta consult it first…

As we lookin through it we realize that it doesn’t have anything for what to do when a man saves you from danger…Sure it got what to do when a man offers you a free ride in his vehicle, when a man offers you a free drink or meal, or when a man gifts you somethin really expensive. But nothin about a man savin you from another man…So what the fuck do we do?

We ask our grannie for advice since she gotta have something good. She asks us what is our head tellin us what he might like. We respond with “blowin him? Men always told me that’s when they liked me the most” Grannie is not amused. She is also concerned for our survival out in the world. She suggests we bake him a pie since she a bit old fashioned thinkin that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And you can’t ever go wrong with somethin sweet…

We reluctantly agree as she really really pushes it as she obviously doesn’t want us going down the other route. And so we spend the rest of the afternoon bakin a cherry pie for Ash for me to take to him later in the evenin when he’s probably for sure done with farm work. Night comes and we going alone to Ash’s residence. And luckily it also a one way road down from grannie’s so our poor brain won’t break down and malfunction. We go up to Ash’s large large house. He got a big farm too. And so we knock his door with the door knocker and it a cute shoe horse…

Ash is genuinely surprised to see us. And so late at night too. He initially woulda thought somethin bad had happened if not for the pie in front of us pushing it to him with a smile. “I made you a cherry pie. Well grannie and I did. As thanks for helping me out today at the market,” we say in the cutest way possible that’s about to make him cumbust. “Grannie wouldn’t let me thank you how I woulda wanted to.” Ash grins back wonderin how you’d thank him, and before he can ask outa curiosity we keep talkin…”I would’ve blown you as thanks. But if you don’t like the cherry pie I can still blow you if you’d like. I can do it in your bed too if it’d help you go to sleep too”…

Ash is just a stunned red hot blushin mess at this point and he swears his precum is probably sleeping out of him by now and if he moves an inch he’ll probably nut in his pants. We ask him if he ok and if he’s got a fever since he so red and not movin, and Ash just a stumblin mess of words n expressions. He eventually excuses himself and invites us in and prepares dishware and cutlery for us to try the cherry pie. We start apologizin and tellin him that he ain’t gonna like it since we aren’t good cooks and all. And he reassures us that he’s sure that it’ll taste delightful…

Now it’s uwu boohoo story time as we tell Ash that no one ever likes our cookin or bakin as it’s always tasted bad. All the men we were with previously also tried to get us to cook or bake for them at some point and were also disgusted with us and our abilities that we just ended up eating out all the time before the eventual break up for somethin else. So we tellin Ash with our eyes gettin a bit wet n glassy that this is our last warnin and we happy to give him a proper thanks instead. And Ash gives us one look before devouring the whole cherry pie easily himself and then sayin “it was the best cherry pie I’ve ever had.” And we just stunned n waitin for him to throw up n topple over or somethin. But he doesn’t. Instead they’re a small bite left and he picks it up with his fork and pushes it up to our mouth. Tellin us to try it. We open our mouths and eat it. And it’s not bad? Ash smiles at us and tells us to have more faith in ourselves. We smile back too…

Ash asks if we need any help gettin back home since it’s dark out and he’s ok with walkin home n stuff. We good and leave promptly back home. And while we wantin to feel good from everythin that happened we don’t let ourselves as we read our pocket journal almost every night. Advice n notes from friends actin as our conscious tellin us we always fall for men who give us the slightest attention and men are scummy liars who can fake about anythin if it means gettin some kitty. So we just try to tell ourselves that Ash is probably fakin it and is vomitin the pie probably right now. But we tasted it…the cherry pie did taste good…

And so for the next while with grannie we wanna try cookin and bakin more. Much to her delight. And we really really tryin. Tryin have more faith in ourselves n everythin. We makin everythin from cute sandwiches, cookies, to hand made pasta. Really becomin versatile in different dishes for any persons stomach. Soon enough we meet Ash again when we on a grocery run and can’t help but blush a little n hope he doesn’t notice. He asks how we’ve been and we happily tell him everythin. He says he’d be honored to try more of our cookin and bakin if we have any spare leftovers or need to use a taste tester much to our laughter…

We part ways once again and going home for the night and cookin dinner with grannie wouldn’t you know…the fuckin house really could’ve used some repairs here and there cause the damn oven gave out before bed. So grannie having her old timey mentality just told us to go over to Ash’s the next morning and ask him to borrow his kitchen for the day to make a few meals for the week for us. And it’d be good practice for me to go at cookin n bakin alone. We wanna say “no” as our conditioning from our friends taught us to, but grannie persists and isn’t taking no for an answer. So mornin comes and we gotta leave early to catch Ash before he leaves work early for the farm…

We drive n go up to Ash’s at dawn hopin he’ll be up at least and we haven’t completely woken him from bed. Much to our delight he’s up and wonderin what we need. Playfully sayin that it’s awful early to be bringin him food but he’ll always be ready to accept anythin from us. We explain the situation to him and luckily he agrees a bit too excitedly. He jumps and easily brings in some of the bags of food we brought in the car into the house and onto the kitchen counter for us. We start preparin food and Ash just sits back and watches us for a bit with a grin that’d make fish forget how to swim. Tellin us eventually that he needs to get goin but to make ourselves at home…

So the day progresses and sure enough it’s afternoon and Ash comes back into the house thinkin he can take a quick shower since some of the bulls he had to wrestle were especially bitchy today and tossed him around in the environment a little more than usual. And lo and behold when the door opens Ash hears from us “yay! You’re back! I was wonderin when you were coming home. I made you lunch. I bet you’re hungry from working so hard!” Pinching himself wouldn’t be enough to wake up from this blissful dream Ash thought. No he’d have to ram himself into the bull pen and even getting kicked n bucked by wild horses wouldn’t be enough to wake him. Not that he’d ever want to wake up from this moment anyway…

Ash comes into the kitchen and sure enough sees us settin out his food for him and usherin him to eat. We made him a large ass cheeseburger with a baked potato and coleslaw on the side. We keep babbling to him as Ash is just kinda in lalaland takin in us in the kitchen lookin all cute n shit and bein happy to see him. “…to your liking right? Wouldn’t want something so small since your so massive and everything. I couldn’t handle eating something so big. Can’t wrap my hands around it. I’d probably choke”…

And so this brings Ash outa lalaland and into hornyboner land as he’s just tryin not to take what the last few words we said outta context. That and he’s also trying to get his lil friend to settle down and not make the table rise from underneath…Ash is happily eatin and is doin his best to act normal…though everythin we doin to him is so domestic…Askin how his days goin so far, how much longer he’ll be workin, when he comin back home, what he wants for dinner…We givin this man a seizure practically and Ash probably needs to get his blood checked after we leave for the day…

And with the last bit of sanity Ash has he manages to leave n go back to work after he done eatin lunch. We bid him goodbye n say “take care. Make sure to stay safe for me ok? I don’t want you gettin hurt. Bye!” Needless to say Ash is doing peachy…We continue cookin the rest of our meals for grannie and I for the week in addition to startin a dinner for Ash too. Durin this time we get done a bit earlier than expected and see that some of his blankets in his livin room could use a wash and get the idea to help a bit more since he’s been so kind lettin us use his kitchen. And we look around the house just a lil for any more laundry to do…

We find the laundry room. Throw in the blankets and some towels and other items too. Cause it just easy to do it in one go ya know? And after some time when we all done to our horror some of the once white items are now a cute pink. And we panicking cause what’s Ash gonna do to us once we fucked up? It ain’t good n thinkin if we should quickly pack up n make a run for it to our car. As if the universe hated us we Ash comes in unnoticed sayin that he was callin for us for a bit throughout the house…

We shakin and lookin at him watery and glassy eyed thinkin that this is the end for us. Cause this is what always happen to us with men. We always find a way to make them mad at us and ruin whatever relationship we had goin on whether it was platonic or romantic. Cause we’re just that dumb and don’t have anything else goin on for us in life aside from our cute face n body accordin to them. And so we just do what we’ve always done when confronted with similar situations and go real quiet. Wait to be scolded for all our shortcomings n stuff. Then tossed outside and cry on our bed for the next week or something…

Ash just looks at us and asks if we were also doing our laundry. And we just remain beady eyed n silent like a deer in the headlights. Ash asks again and asks if we need any help of anythin. And at this point we just go on auto pilot mode again and start sayin we’re sorry and cryin. Ash of course is surprised and very gentle sayin that it’s ok and just hugs us lets us sob and cry. Get it out of our system…

After we’ve gained a bit of our composure he surprises us by carrying us extremely easily bridal style to the livin room where we explain what happened and how some of his stuff is now pink. He lets out a hearty chuckle and tells us not to worry our pretty little head. “It’s just fabric. It can be replaced if I really needed it to” And he also tells us he doesn’t mind the pink. It’ll give him something now to always think of us. To always have of us…

And so we laugh at it some more and then we both sit down in the dining room to eat the dinner I prepared for us. It some chicken, pasta, and salad and we talk some more about Ash’s day n life in general. We take him up in his offer in the end to do some repairs around grannie’s house since our oven fell apart and we wouldn’t want the rest of the house crumblin too. Much to his delight cause now he has reason to swing by more. We finish up eatin and I bring out a cute lil Angel cake for dessert for him n we eat a bit of it together. Night ends with me packing up the rest of the week’s meals for grannie and I and drivin back home. Tellin Ash how much we appreciated him for lettin us borrow his kitchen and not gettin mad at us for messin up his laundry…

And so the next week progresses with Ash comin to do repairs on the house and us talkin to him a lot while he does it. He never tells us to be quiet or what we’re sayin is dumb and stupid. He genuinely really happy to be hearin our voice no matter what’s comin out. Before we know it we’ve forgotten all about readin our little pocket journal n stuff for advice. And even when he done with all the repairs we practically just hang out with him about every other day…

On one of the days we hangin out with him he brings us out to the stables where he keeps his horses for a surprise he wants to show us. In the stables there are some ribbons of all different colors and lots of brushes. He told us he remembered that we thought it’d be fun to dress up his horses and make ‘em all cute braidin their hair n stuff. So he wanted to fulfill that wishful thought of ours. And we beamin happy as fuck cause no man ever really was this considerate of us and remembered what we said even if it was somethin like a small fleetin thought. So we spend the day decorating the horses of course safely as Ash makes sure we know how to handle the animals in a way so we don’t scare them. But not like the horses get scared cause Ash got the best horses n trained them the best a person would probably ever see. He’d never put us in any potential harms way…

And towards the end of the day we take a ride on the horse of our choosin. A large white stallion all cute with multi colored ribbons we put on it. It’s our first time ridin with Ash and the first time did not disappoint. It was fun and he made sure we were comfortable all the way. We felt so safe n secure being able to lean back into his broad n muscular body we coulda sworn we could’ve fell asleep if we wanted to. Have we ever felt this comfortable and happy bein with a man before?…

Starts to get dark out and we head back to his residence. Ash puts his horse away and while he at it we excuse ourselves to go to the bathroom. When we enter his house we find that some of the stuff we accidentally dyed pink is nicely arranged around the house. He kept it just as he said. Some blankets over some furniture and some pink towels n such in the bathroom and kitchen. When we leave and meet Ash outside where our car is parked we have a faint blush on our face. Tellin him he doesn’t have to keep the pink to spare our feelings. And Ash responds again n reassures us sayin he likes it. “Keeps you around the house when I can’t see you”…

We smile at this and ask him if we can add another touch while we’re at it. He of course agrees. Sayin that we can do whatever we want to his house cause he’s sure he’ll like it. And so we pull out a big pink ribbon from our pocket n tie it all nice n pretty on the horse shoe knocker on the front door. Tellin him it’s so that we don’t forget this very happy n special day. We give Ash a big hug n burry ourselves into him tellin him how much we appreciated this gesture he did for us today. And Ash of course is equally happy n prayin that we don’t notice the massive bulge in his jeans. So we leave n drive back home to grannie’s finally. Leavin Ash to admire the new cute addition to the house…

After some more time we goin on a nature walk by ourselves in the late afternoon. Just enjoyin gettin out of the house for a bit. We figure Ash is hard doin his farm work so we may drop by later during our walk and wait for him when he done. As we walkin we see a car on the road drivin up. It’s a pretty luxurious lookin car n we really truly don’t think much about it n all. It starts to slow down n pulls up to us. The driver door opens and a man comes out…it’s one of our fuckin exes…

He gets all giddy sayin that he knew it was us from the dress we were wearin. And before we know it he pulls our hands into his n starts spewing how he was wrong to have dumped us and that we were the best girlfriend we ever had. Though it unsurprisingly quickly goes into him mostly degrading us. Tellin us that even though we have nothin goin on in our head at least we have the best bedroom skills he’s ever experienced. That’s something we actually good at doin n that we should get back together n pretend like our breakup never happened. Him continuously sayin too that we need him to survive and to be smart for once and listen to his words. To trust him completely. To rely on him completely. And that no man other than him can love n protect us as well as he can…

 We luckily go into autopilot safety mode sayin “no” to him n stuff. He takes this about as well you’d think…Goin “why the hell not!? What’s the matter baby? Country air messin with what’s left in that head of yours?” The man askin question after question. Accusation after accusation only to be met with a “no” from us that keeps increasing in panic and fear. He just snaps and starts to pull us into the passenger seat of his car. Tellin us that we just need some time and we’re heading back to the city now. Obviously we fightin our best and start to cry cause we scared as hell as we should be…

Just like out of a fairytale, or I guess one of them western movies, a lasso comes out of nowhere in the far distance and latches itself easily around the man’s neck. And before anyone of us can process what’s happenin. The man is violently choked and dragged to the ground with our cowboy beau’s silhouette in the distance literally pulling him by the throat. It doesn’t take much for the man’s body to go limp…though we don’t see that as Ash made sure to drag the body with his horse deeper into the tall grass before death finally came. And the wolves later if Ash doesn’t deal with the body first…

We cryin and still tryin to process the events that still happened. With Ash on his horse quickly comin up to us, dismountin it and holding onto us tightly. Doin what he does best and consoling us as we let it all out. After a bit he picks us up and placed us on his horse. Tellin us that we’re goin back to his house for the time bein since it’s not safe outside right now for me. We of course nod and just lay into his body. Lettin his comforting smell envelop us as our steady ride home soothes the rest of our nerves…

Back at his home Ash fixed us up with some hot cocoa and us bundled up in a cute pink blanket on the sofa. Lettin us take our time to compile our thoughts n speak when we wanna. Eventually we tell him thanks for savin us and how that man was one of our exes. We tell him how he was gonna take us back to the city with him if Ash didn’t show up when he did. And we joke how Ash is like our knight in shining armor ridin on his loyal stallion to save us time n time again. This isn’t the first time talkin about our love life n bad relationships with men to Ash as we’ve talked to him over the course of gettin to know each other. So we just enjoy Ash’s presence and lean into him. Too tired from the bullshit that happened today…

Ash bein the fine gentleman he is offers to take us home or if we’d like we can spend the night at his place. We take him up on that as we say we can use a friend right now. So we get better back to our normal selves gradually as the rest of the evening progresses. Cookin n bakin together all while giggling too. We eat dinner n dessert, chat some more n get ready to go to bed. Ash gets us all fixed up in a neat n tidy spare bedroom of many he got for the night. Sayin if we need anythin he’ll be in his bedroom. But he wasn’t expecting us to look at him weirdly n say “can’t you sleep with me tonight?”…

This takes him back a bit as we continue to babble sayin that this is what our friends would do with us back when something bad happened to us. Though they were girl friends and not boy friends…but to us there’s really no difference…So he responds askin if that’d make us feel safer n better he’d do it, albeit in a very very flustered manner. We squeal with delight and say we can just sleep in his bed then. No need to be cleanin sheets for a guest bedroom afterwards…

And so here we are lyin in Ash’s large ass bed in a cute pink baby doll nightgown tellin him to come settle in after he done with his shower after we went in first. Ash is doin well as you’d imagine thinkin that his dick n balls r gonna strangle him in his sleep that is if he can get any sleep tonight which he doubts. So we settle in bed together and as Ash closes his eyes n rolls over to his side to make sure we couldn’t feel his raging boner durin the night he feels our presence over him. We lean down and kiss him on the forehead n say “your suppose to wish each other good night silly”. And so he like a blushin bride about to cumbust from bein kissed for the first time by us. He stutters a quick apology, says goodnight to us and tries to focus on not dyin tonight cause he’s really fighting for his life right now…

And so the night progresses and he can’t sleep and neither can we. We poke Ash’s back a bit a whisper askin him if he’s awake. He grunts a yea. We ask him if he’s up for some “late night girlie talk” and he obliges us of course. So we start off nice n easy by askin him “do you ever think I’ll find true love?” And this psychologically springs forth Ash into action with his body turnin to us in the dark…

He doesn’t hesitate to say “yes” and starts spewin the most romantic shit ever. Tellin us that we’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever met. Inside and outside. He looks forward to seein our face every time. We always are so considerate of others. So selfless and that any sane man would fall on their knees for a chance to be with us…

We start tearin up a little sayin he doesn’t have to say that to us to make us feel better n all. We got poor self esteem of course and are in that perpetual compliment denial phase. And so Ash turns on one of the night stand lamps and asks us if he looks like we’re lyin to him. Of course we see nothing but sincerity painted across his handsome face and tell him “no”. He gently takes our hands into his and says “I would love to have a chance at bein with ya. Can I have a go? I promise you’ll never regret” as he looks deeply into our eyes…

And so we a blushin mess too now. The hopeless romantic in us quickly risin to the surface to break through as we pull our hands out from Ash’s and take his face to push our lips onto his. Pulling back after his surprised reaction with a “yes!” and smilin and continuin our attack on his plush lips. Ash eagerly accepts as the passion between us is utterly unchained. Both going at each other barely gaspin for air between kisses on the face neck and body…

Ash was wearin some trunks and a shirt to be polite to us since we were gonna be sleeping together with no funny business goin on but now those easily came off as he also tore off our own nightgown too to do the deed. And so the night was filled with nothing but love. Ash takin care of us in a way that’s never been done before and in a way we didn’t think that’s ever be possible. And us returning the favor and finally showin us our skills that we’ve always been complimented on. It almost become more of like a competition really seein who could make the other fall apart faster and let the other completely dominate them. Ash won eventually havin us mewl from his lips pressed against our nipples, cock rearranging our guts, and fingers rubbin our clit. The rest of the night quickly flew by and the mornin light was pourin into the room…

Alas after the night’s events Ash continued to court us. Tellin us that it’s what we deserved n makin us fall in love with him further n further. Grannie was delighted of course knowin that we’re in good hands for the rest of our lives if we decided to wed him. And Ash finally took us around town to meet the locals n everything since we still hadn’t really met anyone or made connections. Introducing us as his lady and makin it very clear of course that we were off limits. Though we never noticed that behavior from our kind hearted Ash…

Eventually Ash proposed to us in a beautiful landscape right outta a fairytale book and we of course screamed “yes”. We invited the entire town in one of those big open wedding events and also called on our friends in the city to come down too. Makin them sick with worry since we hadn’t been in touch for so long and they were worried about us since our ex came lookin for us a while ago. Though no one knew where he disappeared to in the end…Some people out of legal obligation had to search for him but with his history of substance abuse benders, no one was really surprised that he couldn’t turn up in the end. So it’d always be just one of those “don’t care cold cases”…

The wedding was splendid. Bein surrounded by friends n family. And of course walkin down the aisle to Ash. Movin into Ash’s was the easiest thing in the world too and Ash was thrilled to let us decorate the place more. And with all the fuckin we were doin durin the courtship it wasn’t really a surprise that we ended up pregnant. Walked down the aisle while we were pregnant though thankfully no one knew as we weren’t showing obvious signs yet. Wouldn’t want the locals to think ill of Ash or I thinkin it was a shotgun weddin or anythin…

In the end we got our happily ever after with our Prince Charming who’d always come to save us. And now we’re havin twins on the way to join us too. So we’ll be a stay at home mother and wife much to Ash’s relief as he wants us in a safe environment where he can always get to us easily. Ash also isn’t ever worried about money or resources. He got plenty to take care of us and our family. He wants a big one too. At least 5 more babies too. And we’ll happily oblige that wish cause he gave his heart to us just as we gave him ours. To love each other forever n forever.

Scene!!! I’m done with this AU! Thank fuck it was hella long! Way too long to be honest but it was honestly so much fun to write about a “Bimbo” Reader that I wanted to make sure I gave her a good amount of depth and didn’t make the story seem lazy with no build up or progression with evidence of Ash’s and Reader’s relationship. I wanted it to feel “earned” and plausible ya know?

I also wanted it to be clearly different from the City Reader AU as it’s fun to explore different characters/personalities and thus how the story will unfold differently for each of them. Didn’t want to have too many of the same scenes or scenarios either from the City Reader AU, so that’s why there isn’t “cowboy hat rule” for example in the Bimbo Reader AU. So fresh n new scenes with Ash. And I also had real fun explorin Ash again and how he navigates this new reader. Cause City Reader is obviously in a rush to get outta town and doesn’t wanna be in a relationship with Ash, so Ash is put into an extreme time crunch. Really showin his “yan” side in that AU. While in the Bimbo Reader AU the girls obviously not in a rush to leave or anythin and is more scared if anythin to be in a relationship again. She’s much more vulnerable and Ash understands that so like dealin with a spooked animal he knows he gotta play the long game with this girlie. As such this AU really showed his “dere” side more I think. Of course I included the twins n 5 more babies at the end cause I figure even in multiple AUs the existences of other characters still happen. So to me it wouldn’t really make sense if Reader suddenly only had 3 kids in this Bimbo AU or didn’t have twins at first pregnancy

So lemme know how I did. Lemme know if you enjoyed it or not

P.S. Girlie did you get my submission #4 or did Tumblr censor it and delete it or somethin? Do I gotta resubmit it to ya!?

Love 🗡️Psycho🗡️ Anon

I AM CONSISTENTLY BLOWN AWAY BY YOU OMFG THABK YOUUUUU I ADORE BIMBO READER SO MUCH SJDKDMDM THE WAY ASH IS SO SOFT WITH HERRRRRR OMFG YOU DID UR BIG ONE WITH THIS BABES DHDJDND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE

[purpleheartskies]

One thing that's always bothered me after s3 came out is the claim that Robby didn't have remorse after the school fight.

First off, it was very clear from Robby's demeanor in his scene with Daniel at the rehab center that Robby was very truly remorseful. Also, Robby clearly took accountability. He literally stated what he had done.

"But I caused all of this. I'm the one who kicked Miguel..."

It's also always important to call out that it had been an accident. Miguel had without a doubt pushed Robby to his limit. Robby reacted within seconds of Miguel letting go. It's ridiculous that some people say that Robby should have calmed down immediately after Miguel let go. Let's focus on this for a bit. According to some people, Robby isn't supposed to have very human emotions or have very human responses after having been in a fight like that after being attacked. Would those same people be able to calm down immediately? No. Plain and simple. Even Robby running away afterwards was very understandable because (1) "flight" response and (2) his parents are useless and had recently left him to starve for months and Daniel had just disowned him again. He knows he's alone. He ran out of fear, not malice. Robby had injured Miguel by accident, but he still had remorse for doing so. Other characters have intentionally physically hurt him, and those characters have yet to have remorse or take accountability even by the end of s5. After the school fight, it took time for Robby to calm down, which is a realistic portrayal of trauma responses because they can last for some time even. For example, in s4 Robby stayed in his "fight response" of wanting to do whatever it takes to win the tournament for months, until after his match with Kenny.

Back to the scene with Daniel. Right after Robby clearly took accountability about it with Daniel, even refusing to let Daniel take the blame, Daniel ambushed Robby with the cops. Even though Daniel hadn't planned for it to be an ambush like it became, it's especially important that Daniel hadn't talked to Robby first before calling the cops. Daniel didn't give Robby that time, space, and trust to make the decision on his own. Like I talk about in my post about Robby being like the wild rare bonsai tree, Daniel made it clear that he doesn't have faith in Robby.

Now, as parents and adults, Johnny and Shannon are useless to Robby. Johnny had spent maybe a couple of hours looking for Robby before giving up, and that was only after Daniel went to Johnny and convinced him to help after 2 weeks of Johnny not doing anything useful. Shannon seemed to have immediately called Daniel after Robby showed up at the rehab center and just handed Robby over to Daniel, letting him handle everything. And what did Daniel do? See the above.

Johnny's reaction when Robby asked him where he'd been for over one month after their "one good day" together before the school fight. Johnny literally has no legitimate response he could give Robby.

So the 3 adults Robby was supposed to rely on were the complete opposite of truly supportive or helpful. They weren't there for him like he needed them to be.

In all of this, some people are like "Robby didn't have remorse?" Really? Robby had been experiencing trauma after trauma, including those inflicted on him by these "caring" adults (neglect and abandonment are traumas too). Robby went into survival mode. He has no one, and he had to look after himself. He didn't have adults or friends or anyone who truly supported him. It's not that he didn't have remorse or didn't care. He literally had to focus on keeping it together and making it through the whole situation, including juvie, on his own.

When Sam made her speech at the city council meeting in s3e8 and said,

"Sometimes the scars you can't see are the ones that hurt the most"

I thought of Robby. And, as I talk about in Robby's rejection of toxic empowerment post, Robby's behavior later in the episode is exactly the result of that: his scars that no one sees. His trauma responses, including that "fight" response at Miyagi-Do, are the result of hurt. Robby had been in an unsafe, traumatizing environment for months, and within minutes of seeing Miguel for the first time, Mr. "Strike First" Miguel stepped up and challenged Robby even though Robby had told him to stay out of it. Robby had been keeping his distance from Sam and his anger under control. Miguel was once again worsening a situation that was under control. And before this scene, Miguel had hurt him that day in school and at the s1 avt and at the canyon party. Robby's history with Miguel is mostly Miguel hurting him. It's so ironic that Miguel made that speech at the city council meeting, talking only about his injury and recovery and leaving out that he had assaulted Robby first and escalated the situation in school.

Miguel's actions leading to Robby accidentally injuring him. Miguel had attacked Robby, choked him at one point, attacked him again, even purposely kicked him into the railing at one point, and then was going to break his arm for no reason at all. Of course, Miguel left all of this and his taunts to Robby out of his speech to the city council, portraying himself as only a victim in the fight.

He also talked about bullying as only being a victim of it, but completely disregarded his own past actions against Robby. Even trouncing the Miyagi-Do demonstration at Valley Fest had been an act of bullying, something Miguel had done to not just Robby but to Sam as well. Miguel had been proud of what he'd done, and then went back to trying to win Sam back soon afterwards. Miguel later implied to Robby that Miguel himself isn't an asshole, never acknowledging anything he'd done to hurt Robby. Whenever I watch Miguel's city council speech, I roll my eyes. I also find it so funny (in an ironic way) that both Kreese and Miguel spoke about themselves as well-intentioned heroes who believe that they're innocent and just do good in the world, yet they both cause and have caused so much hurt. They've given and continue to give people scars that can't be seen.

"You did it, Sensei!"

"No, WE did it!"

Miguel deflecting his culpability onto Johnny, despite Miguel's own intentions being to ruin the Miyagi-Do demonstration. He also deflected his culpability onto Johnny during the s1 avt and after the school fight.

Based on comments since s3 about Robby not having remorse about Miguel's injury or not feeling sorry for Johnny or not being understanding of Johnny abandoning him for Miguel or not agreeing with Daniel for not believing in him, some fans apparently believe that Robby isn't allowed to have emotions that don't suit what they want him to feel. It's not just Johnny that wants this from Robby. It's some fans too. Robby isn't allowed to put himself first, even when he is enduring traumas that these other characters inflict on him.

Also, where is Miguel's remorse? In s5, he still didn't have any remorse or take accountability. Instead he took his pound of flesh as if he had always been entitled to it. He's definitely acted that way since s1, before the school fight. Johnny has also just moved on and wants Robby to do the same and keep his negative emotions to himself or he's going to get abandoned again. Even Daniel just wanted Robby to accept what Daniel had done to him after the school fight without trying to understand Robby. All of this is consistent behavior by these characters even in s5.

Robby was the one eventually making things right with the others. The others didn't do anything to make things right with him. But some people still comment that Robby had no remorse. Or they only like Robby now that he took a beating from Miguel with Johnny's blessing, bowed his head in defeat, and is now expressing only the feelings that Johnny, Miguel, Daniel, and others want him to show.

Robby reluctantly agreeing that all is good now between him and Miguel to appease Johnny.

The other characters aside, some fans themselves don't want Robby to have emotions that make sense for what he's experiencing. He is given those emotions though. And the writers confirmed that those emotions are all still there and that things aren't resolved. Robby burying the egg to keep it safe during Chozen's lesson was a clear representation of how Robby keeps himself safe too: hiding who he really is by hiding his emotions to feel safe and accepted. The other kids also protected their eggs the way they handle situations too: Miguel is possessive/controlling, like he is in his relationships with Sam and Johnny; Sam thinks she's got things covered but isn't cautious enough, like when she didn't plan beyond having enough numbers for the arcade fight (she didn't consider that more Cobras might show up); Anthony gives in easily, like he did with his friends and bullied Kenny; Hawk is overconfident and doesn't consider that his opponent might do something unexpected, like he is later with Kenny during the trials; etc...

We have 5 seasons of Robby experiencing trauma after trauma. Robby's emotions due to his traumas have always been valid, but people dismiss his traumas and his emotions. The double standard in the fandom is also blatant. For example, Miguel pushes Johnny away and Johnny runs after him. People praise Johnny for being a "father" to Miguel. Robby pushes Johnny away and Johnny doesn't run after him. People excuse Johnny for this and blame Robby for pushing him away. Also, people praise Johnny running after Miguel to bring him home safe as Johnny showing "fatherly love" for Miguel, while people dismiss Johnny tricking, lying to, and gaslighting Robby to use him to get Miguel back as okay. Some even call it Johnny "trying" with Robby. The blatant contrast in how Johnny prioritizes Miguel and his emotions over Robby and his emotions is there for anyone to see throughout s5 as well. If people wanted to have empathy for Robby, they could choose to.

"There's nothing complicated about it. You had a choice and you chose."

(These are general thoughts and not directed at anyone in particular.)

(Note: Please don't reblog/reply with any dismissive comments/tags about the show writers, the writing, or the serious aspects of the show. Such comments/tags minimize the contents of the post. This blog (link) explains my general thoughts about posting after s5.)

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

I agree with that other anon but I do think that what alot of people on Tumblr were saying at the time was right. I think the jubliee went over like a lead balloon in their household. I think this is where the fighting hit a point where it was hard to come back from. At the time they were filming for their reality show (which no one knew a premier date for). And there were a tone of rumors about spotify and what meghan would do on her own.(given that up until that point meghan hadn't pulled in any deals on her own) At that time she was pumping out articles about the balcony and photo with the late Queen. The rumors were flying about what harry would write in the book and what would Meghans book be about?

both meghan and harry were on a bit of a trip thinking that people would wait for what they product because they're THE best, you know? The power couple so in love fighting his family for love. Behinds the scenes I think there were a number of internal discussions about Netflix being uphappy with the footage filmed so the pressure was on to film at frogmore.

The reaction from the crowd leaving the church spooked them, they didn't want Netflix cameras in England any longer than they had to be. So they left, asap. The fighting got worse when they got home, all of the polo outings were awful. They didn't help rehab the image and didn't exude the glamour they needed after a very sour UK trip. I think they likely made the decision to separate not to long after (around July). She interviewed with the cut, the pod tanks, the queen passes away and suddenly they are back in place they are no longer welcomed and now are outranked by his brother. That whole week it was easy for harry to fall back into his old ways but not meghan. The walk about for her was rough, she didn't let harry take the lead. At the time alot of people were speculating that it was super awkward, but I think meghan just didn't know how to support harry because by then they'd been taking time apart for 3-4 months. Meghan was focused on her own brand. As the rest of the world knows December and January were even worse. To the point where they enter survival mode for their own separate brands by saying they'll focusing on different things. Thus here we are..

I agree with your timeline, particularly the significance of The Cut and Variety interviews. Another anon suggested that there might have been a breakup then if those interviews and the podcast had been more successful.

But I suspect what really spooked them about the Jubilee was not getting a picture of the kids with The Queen and royals not attending Archie’s birthday. A lot of it was the lack of Netflix footage, as you say. But there was also the personal aspect, as these two had never faced the consequences of their actions. Even after Megxit, they lived in their tiny bubble where they thought they were the victims and the royals would eventually come around and offer the half-in-half-out option. Heck, even after Philip’s funeral Harry was still in denial. I bet the Jubilee was the first time Meghan realized exactly what their position was.

The polo! Thanks for reminding me. It was the polo that triggered it for me. There was such a huge contrast between their behavior at other polo events and these ones. That’s when I started to think there was something going on. Also, they didn’t get the celebrity attendance I would have expected, and even Rebel Wilson complained about how they treated them.

Edited:

This was the photo that made me suspicious: