#this was more difficult than the guys one im gonna be honest

[calumsash]

the second battle

[rzyraffek]

Hey! It’s my birthday today, I was wondering if I could have some birthday headcanons for some slashers? Like what the boys would do on their s/o’s special day. Include your favs, I love them all! (Especially Otis he’s my pookie <3) Ty! 🖤🦇

Yoo happy happy birthday! Somone is a Taurus i see. Sadly I dont write for Otis :( but I can write for other slashers!

Ghostface

Mans will print whole album with their photos and maybe give them something shiny too. Like nice earrings or that necklace s/o was looking for everywhere. But hes top tier stalker so he totapny knows what's important to them so if they have any cool hobbies he will probably buy something from that topic for example you like painting? Boom brand new paints! You enjoy gardening? Yoo new pots just dropped

He wants to take them out to nice restaurant, later maybe watch a movie or something

It doesnt matter how he spends this night as far as s/o is happy with it really

To be honest im 100% sure he will trow a party if s/o is extroverted person! Music food and party hats!

Micheal Myers

This guy will walk up to them while they are calmly sleeping like lil bebi, grab them and drag them to kitchen. "Wha- Micheal it's way to early for dinne- S/o didnt finish cuz they saw huge cake on the table.

It was clearly stolen but untouched and pretty! With strawberries on top!

He didnt say anything he just 👁👁 very much so. Plase say nice things, the nearest cake shop is like 20minutes away he had to work so much for it.

He also will fallow them everywhere, like more than usually??

Jason Voorhees

Men will pick up any flower in 30meter radius and then give them all to them

Also he may catch a frog accidently and decide thats a great gift too

He tries his best to be good boyfriend/husband material🥰

He will try to make is as romantic as possible! Whatever s/o wants will happen today😈

Thomas Hewitt

My dude gonna be in kitchen since 6am cuz the breakfast he made has delightful AND he woke them up by brining it to bed?? Come one Thomas you are spoiling them

He will probably just make a lot of good food for them!

Also he decided to do huge step in their relationship and begged Luda to buy some ALIVE chickens. Now they have baby chimkens to raise on the farm how cute.

Asa Emory

This goofball had difficult time deciding what to give them😰

He wanted to give them some pretty moths or butterflys but he didnt want to make it obvious

But at the same time it would make a great gift? Like its very iconic for Asa to collect bugs so it would make sense to give them to his loved ones? Idk man he just wants them to by happy

He will buy some takeout food and eat it together while watching some animal planet stuff

Also he decided to give them some cute beatles🥰 (if s/o doenst like dead animals he acually bought lil glass box, plants and made acuall lil home for lil beatle buddies)

Sorry if it feels rushed i wanted to hurry up so you can read it on the day of ur b-day🥰

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3

[kasaneteto]

ok i need some opinions

so i had the talk with my roommate about not wanting to sign another lease with him. that’s all fine and good he understands why we can’t be roommates anymore but the problem is he doesn’t want to let me be the one to stay at this apartment because he claims he can afford to live here by himself. i don’t really believe him but its neither here nor there because i know i can only afford to live here if i rent with two other people.

my reasons for wanting to keep living here are: i can walk to work, its going to be really hard to find another place that allows TWO cats, my cats are CRAZY and this apartment is perfect for them (lots of windows for passive engagement + a loft area for them to get up in), i have a LOT of plants because the place gets a lot of natural light, to find another place that would support all of these plants will be difficult. & in addition to all of that - my name is on all of the utilities + the WiFi. because he is too irresponsible to take initiative with anything. in a worst case scenario I would be able to move back in with my parents, but that would mean moving to the country where i would be completely isolated and would have to quit my job.

his reasons for wanting to keep living here are: he was the one who found the apartment & he can afford to live here on his own, and he doesn’t want to move. if he has other reasons beyond those he hasn’t told me what they are.

ive known he was a selfish person for years. i mean ive completely given up on ever asking him for a favor because he acts so burdened by it, if he even is willing to do it at all. its my belief that his selfishness is a trauma response due to his upbringing, but yknow, i can only tell the guy he needs therapy so many times before i have to give up to save my own energy. but i can’t help but feel like i deserve this apartment way more than he does. im the one who’s been taking care of it and keeping it nice for us. im the only one of us who’s in any way responsible. so for him to be so hostile about me wanting to stay (he got really defensive about it) hurts me a lot. i want to believe that he’s a good friend but I don’t feel like a good friend would see me move out of an apartment that’s perfect for me just because the alternative would make his life harder. he hasn’t been a good friend for a while so why am i still pretending he is?

so should i tell him all of these feelings? im worried that its going to come across as emotional manipulation. because like… i can’t lie, my main reason for wanting to tell him all of this is so i can stay here and he’ll move out. its hard to not feel like a hypocrite calling him selfish when thats my deepest motivation. but its not my only motivation, i truly do believe that erik is unaware of this behavior of his and that he WANTS to be a good friend, and i wonder if me being honest with him is the wake-up call he needs in that regard? idk. i just want to be a good friend while also standing up for myself. its hard to navigate stuff like this.

so uh. should i tell him i think he’s being really selfish about this? and that ive noticed a pattern of selfish behavior in him? be honest if im being a dickhead about this too and should just give up the place to him like if thats he truth i wanna hear it. it would just kill me to see his irresponsible ass bite off more than he can chew and lose this place, esp since the rate we’re renting at is the 2021 housing rate like its gonna be SO much more expensive to find a place this nice in the current housing market 😭

[necroromantics]

Also gonna make things clear cuz I've just been listening to my gf and not engaging but seriously man this is insane.

I'm not a Nazi, in the full screenshots which they cropped out, I said I had another server with absolutely no rules (besides dont be a pedo), and I was saying that in that server, everything was allowed. You people need to understand that not being able to care about something does NOT mean you support it. Its not black or white

I have NEVER said anything or made jokes regarding rape/sa, that is actually one of the things (including pedophilia) that I am very morally against. I have not spent so much of my time helping my friends report their rapists, helping vulnerable people get out of extortion online, and being there for the people in my life who have experienced that just for some randos online to lie to people about me.

The most I have made is your mom jokes and necro jokes, which I personally don't consider morally wrong, and if they are, then I'll work on it, but I don't have the same understanding of things like that. I never learned where the line is like most people have, and thats why Im dedicated to learning it in adulthood

And do not make drug use a moral issue. My "morality" about drug use is completely nonexistent because I grew up in that. I have spent many years heavily involved with drugs, I know exactly what its like, and nothing about drugs is a moral issue.

And here again the same issue of straight up fucking ableism bro. Don't try to shame me for not having conventional morals when you know damn well I, and many other people, struggle with conditions that impact that (ASPD). Hearing about the ableism towards people like me from these guys isn't surprising in the slightest

I'm not gonna say I didn't say those things, cuz like I said, I said those things, I made those jokes, and I've said worse. The difference now is that those things were said more than a year ago. It's insane how you act high and mighty and then judge me on things I said that long ago to friends who made the same jokes and encouraged that kind of behaviour (none of which I talk to anymore, for the exact reason that they encouraged my bad behaviour).

I said what I said, I know it was wrong, I take full accountability. I have spent my time since doing my best to be more than that. I have spent a lot of my time trying to adjust to moral and social norms, even when it gets really difficult and I have to deal with people like this who wont give me space to grow and change for the better.

I have amazing friends and mutuals and people in my life who support me because they know how hard I try. My girlfriend even is a fucking hardass and would NOT have put up with any of my shit if she didn't see how hard I try. I've spent a lot of time with people who are like how I was, people who have done and said much worse things than me, and I understand how uncomfortable and jarring it is. Thats exactly why I'm so passionate about being more than that. And thats why this situation bothers me so much.

You all talk about me and how I mention my disorder as if you're not just shitting on stuff that is directly tied into having ASPD. And to hear that you have a history of that stuff? Im not crazy to say theres a lot of ableism going on here. I will always be open and honest about the person I have been, but I want it to be used as a reference point for how much I've grown and changed since then.

I will always be an advocate for people like me. I will always give support and speak out for those who struggle with being treated like a bad person because of the things they say, not because of who they are. (And if you know anything about people, you know theres a huge difference)

You guys have been on me for MONTHS way after I blocked and went on with my life. In those months you've spent doing nothing but nitpicking everything single thing Ive ever done and constantly spreading negativity, I have been working on myself, and I hope that somewhere along the line, you guys have or will too

But anyways, I needed to get this out. I hope that this blows over and I can continue working on living a life full of joy and love and keeping the good people in my life. And despite everything, I hope that for all of you guys as well, I hope that you can find peace and some happiness where it counts

[alicenpai]

🌟

anime north 2023 con report

finally posting this - thank you to everyone for a wonderful anime north!! \o/ this con prep season was the longest ive ever prepped for a con, and i think it was the busiest con for me ever. it makes me so happy to see people taking my art home!! 😭

so thank you for coming by anime north and chatting and supporting me! and thank you esp to the people who came by gifting their own merch?!??? - either fanart or ocs?! and im honored to see your beautiful ocs?!?? what the hell you guys are the GOAT thank you all 🥹🥹

it was so busy that i wish i had time to walk around & talk to other artists! i really wanted to get dango and onigiri at the delta too.. didnt really get time to eat so im sorry if you saw me shove 10 timbits in my mouth at the end of the con. yes i really did that .

throughout the con i kept saying "he just like me.. HE JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!!!!" every 5 seconds like an NPC. im sorry if you had to hear that more than once.

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i wasn't able to post my con catalogue for AN on tumblr and instagram... i was so busy.. dying... maybe if i do other cons this summer ill post something similar. i had a lot of new stuff this year so formatting it was rough haha. here it is! more thoughts under the cut (bc this report really is more for me, but maybe someone can find something useful)

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this is more for me honestly, so it will be really long. but i'm sharing it in case it may be helpful for others. i find that i'm always looking back at my old con reports, so typing out all of my thoughts are really useful to me. overall a great con, fellow artists and customers alike really inspire me to do better in my art.

comparisons to last year: (since i didn't end up making a con report last year!!!!!)

location: the artist alley layout was huge, and im really happy there are a lot more newcomers to the con scene. i know how much my first con experience meant to me, so i want others to join in on the fun! i don't know how the artist alley staff managed to fit so many artists in the building now! we got placed in a corner where there was a lot of breathing room, and a lot of traffic. i got lost a few times (didn't actually have time to walk around, but you know, it was to get in and out of the con centre and to the washroom/water station) because the amount of tables was overwhelming however, and the layout was super confusing. however i didn't feel as if there were any significant bottlenecks in traffic when i was taking some walk breaks.

commissions: last year it was still busy, but i still had some time to draw a handful of commissions. this year was a non stop barrage of customers! i think i may retire on the spot commissions at cons, just because ive always found it too stressful to draw right at the con, even if the traffic is slow. (and im lazy)

fandoms: last year i felt that it was... never so difficult to sell niche and old fandoms...? most people bought primarily 3 things from me at AN 2022, and not much else was touched. it was a struggle, and i even wondered if my art plateaued, if it wasn't good, if i should stop doing conventions altogether, at least for a little while. this year was so surprising with how much love there was for old and niche fandoms. two people from quebec came by and noticed the old fandoms and mentioned that if i was able to come to otakuthon, i should, people in mtl love nostalgia.. i'm gonna be honest otakuthon was pretty bad expenses-wise for me, but i heard it picked up since cons came back in 2022. it is a really beautiful city so mayhaps.. i will come for miss montreal.................

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and a separate section on the new merch i made:

the new sticker sheets i printed (one piece, baccano, breaking bad/better call saul) did so well! nts to add luffys scar bc apparently i forgot... ive seen this dumbass's face for hundreds of eps and yet i still forgot .

these are a far cry to the sticker sheets i designed in previous years. many sticker places restrict you on how many stickers you can place on a sheet due to spacing requirements... the more stickers you have + the closer they are, the higher the margin of error, which i understand is why many professional sticker printers have these restrictions in place.

the artists i worked with for my AN stickers are so genuinely nice and accommodating with my requests. I just went wild haha. the sheets with the most stickers are brba/bcs at 27 stickers and one piece at 32 stickers.

2021 (top) vs 2023 (bottom), the chara stickers on the new sheet are larger & 2x as many item stickers! the new design makes greater use of the space. my octopath 1 stickers are meant for planners but you could use it for anything!

in 2017 i could only realistically fit 6 ish stickers on a sheet (for vinyl, not cricut home printing) due to printing restrictions. these costed about $3.30 CAD per sheet from s/ticker/mule (not worth it for the price point AT ALL... but i wanted to try sheets for the first time)... and yes it's a tiny 4x7 as well. it was a hard sell for $7 in 2017. but im glad artists have been pricing them a bit higher + sheets have become much more customizable.

now on to charms:

i am so obsessed with this borderless charm look on the new charms... they look like candy... thank you guys for loving my new charms!! i tried out a new technique with designing charms. and im so happy with how they turned out. the charm manu was super accommodating and they are so much better than vograce who fucked up my order so bad in 2022 🤡👍

the soul eater charms from last year were kind of a precursor to this. last year i tried something a bit different than my usual with the transparent bgs, which require full bleed in the file setup, and that was already pretty new for me. i find that charm sales are usually pretty mid for me, so during the pandemic i took a soft break from making them, and i wanted to do research based on others' designs and really tried to improve my design sense. to me i want to design charms that aren't just a flat piece of artwork that gets printed, but something that utilizes the capabilities of the acrylic material it gets printed on 🤔

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fandoms/merch types i want to try next time i table:

more soul eater? it's one of my favourite animes and im very happy for the soul eater love this year. my partner kept selling out of her soul eater prints even though it was her first time tabling!

fma! ive been rereading AND rewatching it lately. it's one of my top 5 anime of all time so me drawing anything for it is a struggle, the bar is set so high. i never end up having the time or ideas to draw anything for it (and the aesthetics are very different from my usual taste)

shadows house has been one of my favorites recently!

dungeon meshi, the print i made was back in 2018 and i think it's time to retire it! it sold out at AN, thank you! with the way the story has developed in the last 5 years, i really want to draw something new for it if i can.

blue period needs more love!

golden kamuy.....

and many more.....

i also want to try mini prints maybe...

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administrative stuff:

next time before the con, i definitely need an organized chart i print out before the con so im not.. literally writing down each transaction... 🧍‍♀️

clamps...?

possibly new display? grids even with plastic panels are heavy... and they can be a pain to put up. this AN we had our neighbors and good friends @nappotuna & @stripeyworm helping us put the grids up, they did an absolute speedy banger job! but it might have taken way longer without 4 hands on the grid work.

if we had used tape to hold our prints up as well who knows how long it would have taken. we used magnets, apparently a lot of people were using them at TCAF. they were so easy to put up and adjustable. *jesse pinkman voice* MAGNETS, BITCH!!!!!!!

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merch i may shelve/do less of:

i really appreciate when artists talk about these kind of things behind the scenes... when products do well, when others dont, products w surprising responses, the factors that we think affect sales... the hard truth is that not everything sells, just bc the art is good =/= good sales, etc etc.

lately ive found it so fun to design sticker sheets over individual die cut stickers!! i understand now why some people only specialize in stickers!! it's also such a pain to stock individual characters and have greatly varying levels, bc of customer interest, and bc of how printing stickers works, you often get extras of random characters due to overflow 😭.. like at some point I had 7 jeannes and like only 1 of the other vnc charas bc the printer had so many extras and she's arguably less popular HDHFJSJHDJS anyways, i think i'll probably do less die cut individual stickers for my next con...

anything old that i only have 1 or a few copies left (meaning i won't reprint) i may not have for display anymore bc of space concerns... before my next con ill just post them on social media to have people claim them!

i may want to do less 3" charms in the future...? theyre a hard sell online prob bc i cant really do deals (i could but id have to be checking the stock every few hours which is not ideal), but they do a lot better in person due to deals.

it's been fun to try specialty products (I've tried scrunchies, stamps, pouches, microfiber cloths, coasters, enamel pins), but i... find they dont sell well for me... maybe my art doesnt have that wide mainstream nostalgic merch type appeal idk... maybe im just not good at designing or advertising them wahahaha. (specialty charms are still charms and i wouldn't necessary consider them a part of this)

my jojo buttons were really popular at anime north 2019 and fan expo 2019, but when the part 5 anime concluded, i noticed that interest for the interest completely moved on 😭 (or it's possible that everyone who was interested bought the buttons already?). part 6 anime didn't rejuvenate the same level of interest. it was a struggle to sell even more than a handful of these at each AN 2022 and 2023. right now they're taking up a lot of space in my con luggage that i'd prefer for newer, better art. i still love the art i did, but unfortunately, i think ill give them a go if i get into otakuthon (and maybe fanexpo too), then it'll be time to retire the jojo buttons. sometimes fandoms come and go so fast, and it's difficult to keep old merch around when they don't have any more interest and when they're occupying a lot of space.

my banana fish lollipop charms do not sell well, and i only sold 5 of them in a 3 year period, across cons and my shop. i created a bargain bin at AN, and it really helped me get rid of old things! unfortunately even in the bargain bin i could not sell a single one of the banana fish charms. maybe it's the art that's not appealing, the characters aren't recognizable, the price point for a lollipop charm was too high, i wasn't hitting the right audience, the market was slow around the time, even when it was included in my promo post... etc. these lollipops were my first time making specialty charms. unfortunately i think that's the last time making lollipop charms, and about time to recycle these charms, so that i have space for fresher and better art!

other thoughts moving on:

maybe go back to simplifying my art a lot more... if i keep making drawings like my great ace attorney tarot + zine, witch hat atelier print, and pandora hearts print, then id not only take 1 month per illustration, id also be destroying my arm 😭 i stopped stylizing my art in 2021 bc i found that my art was getting sloppy in 2020 + i was really struggling in life drawing in school. i needed to buckle down and be more conscientious when drawing poses, learning anatomy and structure... and bc getting back into anime in 2021 really helped me cope with the isolation of the lockdown, so that had a huge influence on my style. but bc of that i think it just took longer and longer to make illustrations and that's something i no longer really wish for.

i really like the period of my art in 2017 with a lot of my persona 4/5 art bc it still has structure even though it's simplified... and the style in my zelda icon... mayhaps experiment a bit more this summer if i can...

[madcapberry]

i really liked the way you answered that nightwing vs red hood ask someone sent! do you have any idea who would win between nightwing and deathstroke? i thought it would be a 50/50 or atleast, in more modern times, nightwing could win.

but a lot of people say deathstroke's enhanced abilities should make him nw a clear cop out and give deathstroke an easy win, which is fair but then why do they always make them seem evenly matched/give nw the upper hand recently? is it just dc nerfing people as usual?

in all fairness these are the same people who said dick would lose to jason because jason has "guns" and fights "brutally" or whatever- but im not even gonna touch THAT topic.

again, even if nw does lose i feel like people often underestimate him not only in fighting capabilities but in terms of strategy as well. i blame a lot of it on fanon and recent writers but dick grayson is no joke! he isn't someone who just laughs things up and gets his ass kicked (ahem tom taylor) he's extremely capable and manipulative often beating opponents much more advantaged than him with tactics and pure skill.

SORRY FOR THE LONG ASKK <3

XOXO

Don’t apologize!! Like I said before I love asks!!

To be completely honest I’ve never read a Deathstroke solo comic but I’ve read lots of Teen Titans and lots of Dick Grayson and Roy Harper so, while I feel I have a good grasp on Slade as a character, I’m not an expert.

And again, power scaling when it comes to Nightwing is difficult because that mfer is always being sent into emotional turmoil before or during big showdowns. It all really seems to depend on Dicks mental state (and he isn’t a super stable guy in his solo stories). Also his relationship to Deathstroke is weird for other reasons but I’m not getting into that. Anyways, what I’m saying is that there are extenuating circumstances in many of their confrontations, and you sometimes get the idea that Slade is just kind of toying with him.

Deathstroke regularly kicked all of the Teen Titans asses when they were still teenagers, but in more recent decades I can’t recall a full out fight between Dick and Slade that didn’t end in a stalemate? Or in one of them backing out for one reason or another?

To be diplomatic I’d call them pretty evenly matched.

Personallyyyyy I do think Dick could get the upper hand but there’s absolutely evidence to argue with that.

[kailysander]

Do you have any thoughts about what some of the GH characters sound like?

THIS is always a super difficult question for me to answer since I’m more aware of the characters phonetic habits than their actual voices. I’ll try my best (and also to explain what exactly stands out) but take these with a grain of salt since they don’t really account for tone!

-

Lorne: Denial You Win Again- The Buttertones

Lorne’s voice tends to be a little on the “darker” end, slightly throaty. His words often feel like they are being pulled from him with a bit of reluctance, and syllables sometimes seem stacked together rather than flowing together as a single word. This “reluctant” pattern often causes him to lean into his “R”s, which can sometimes come off like a mild snarl (this is more apparent in standard "R"s vs rolled).

Lorne, later in the story: The Pact -- Villagers

This one has a lot less context to comic readers, but his voice becomes a lot softer and whisper-toned after um. Some years of mutism. Retains phonetic patterns otherwise. 

Vasariah: To My Enemies— Saint Motel + Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games— Of Montreal

Vasariah is a strange case because he tends to pick up the speech patterns of whoever he is talking to at the moment. Tone wise, I think he sounds relatively androgynous, with a slightly masculine lean (though could easily be conceived as a deeply voiced woman.)

He tends to speak with a tongue-in-cheek attitude, which I think is fairly captured in the Saint Motel song. 

However, his phonetic patterns are quite variable. I think he talks as if there is a small ball of air at the roof of his mouth, and occasionally slip and speak in other peoples voices/multiple voices at once, the mood of which is captured more in the Of Montreal song, particularly the way "Antartica" is vocalized.

He tends to also use the English marginal segment "X" in place of hard Cs/Ks (like in Loch Ness).

Buer: I Should Not Be Seeing You — Connie Conway

Literally. Connie Conway with a thick Italian accent. His voice is fairly refined, and has the guttural qualities you would expect of a lion-man.

Kazimir: Hey Me —Tremantis

Czech accent. He’s just a guy; there’s a direct/confrontational nature to his voice and it is is often very monotone. This "claim" is on the looser end.

Erlea: Fly in My Room — Kerrin Connolly

I’m gonna be honest I don’t really know how to describe this type of voice. Deeper but recognizably feminine, with slightly raspy tones. She doesn’t have a very wide vocal range, and her she sometimes speaks very quickly so all of her words string together into one (happens more often when she is joking or saying an aside).

Azrael: I’m so sorry he sounds like Shigure Sohma from Fruits Basket. 

Tonally speaking, probably a bit deeper. His voice has a sing-song quality to it, often standing in juxtaposition to (and therefore amplifying) threatening or otherwise cruel statements. It is also quite friendly, for the periods in time in which he is also a friendly and comforting presence. 

He also tends to talk like a guy who is hm... Very assured in his own attractiveness. I could link out to some Italian chefs that talk this way but I wont bother you with them LOL

No accent-- As a general cosmopolitan his accent is adjusted to whatever language he is speaking, whatever the local dialect may be.

Charlie: Karen, You’re an Angel — Sleeping in the Aviary

This “voice claim” is pretty loose, kind of based on vibes alone. New Jersey accent with the general vocal patterns of someone who died in the 1940s. Mid-toned voice.

Satan: Inconceivable to try to find a claim, sorry! His voice is deep, but retains a feminine quality phonetically. It harkens back to an older time, as if certain parts of his construction of language have not developed linearly with the evolution of language (globally). Often has a mild echo to it.  

I can offer you La Ciruela by Nico Play, but it is really just that feeling this song evokes in me is similar to what I would imagine Satan's voice evoking.

Fidelia: Stone Wall Stone Fence — Gregory and the Hawk

This is probably the only genuine voice claim here. This is what I think her singing voice would sound like.  She has a young, higher toned voice.

-

This was fun! Let me know if there's anyone I didn't mention that you're curious about (OR if you have any voice claim headcanons that would also be super cool to hear!!)

[creativebrainrot]

Since RP is becoming less and less scary ive been considering Maelgwyn AUs that dont include major story characters and one that also doesnt include being an Elonian Sylvari.

I'll start with the second one because, I've thought about it less, since the game encourages non-pale tree sylvari through Malyck's existence.

I'll keep the abnormally large part of his design because it contributes to his own expierence with himself. (?) His stature, coloration, and generally creature-like traits contribute to his selfhate and how much he despises being seen as a monster. Which is his primary motivation for why he Does That One Thing that starts his journey. Being seen as a monster is why he becomes a bounty hunter. So if he's not in elona, what if bandit syndicate leader? Except, these ones are grey morals and tend to help out those in need by picking targets who have excess and will for sure be fine after the attack. People who can EASILY replace lost shipments. Thats an easy enough replacement for the desert beast thing.

undercooked tho because im pretty sure no one would be tooo mad about a Single Elonian sylvari. My main answer for Maelgwyn's desert tree not being involved is usually, the tree never recovers. He's the only one that's awakened, and rather than healing slowly and stabilizing, the tree dies a few weeks after he wakes.

The first AU is much more interesting to me because Maelgwyn starts pretty grey morals BUT. If he never meets Trahearne,,,,,,,, he gets worse. Because Trahearne is also a grey morals guy but after being pact marshal for so long his morals have shifted to be a lighter shade, which rubs off on Maelgwyn. But if he never meets and stays with Trahearne then his friends would likely be fellow bounty hunters and contacts in the trade syndicates that get along with The Desert Beast and i think thatd make him much more willing to do shit like say. Raid a syndicate hideout with his buddies for nicer drinks and such. The syndicate doesnt LIKE him ANYWAY, and they ARE too close to his turf SO is it rEEEAAALLY THAAT BAAAD. cmon man. its JUST for some better alcohol and theyre only gonna do it once. or twice. when they feel like it. its not like the bandits need the stuff anyway????????

and shit like that. If he never meets Trahearne he also doesnt heal. Not as much anyway. Because falling for your fucking client/charge was a FLUKE and NOT THE PLAN. Maelgwyn was still very much not ready to actually love someone again but thats what he THOUGHT he was. He stumbled across the right person, and fell in love with someone safe and understanding enough, who loved him BACK enough, to see through his difficult tendencies. So his self hate, self doubt, fear, and just. ALL of his mental health issues around falling in love and being vulnerable with other people sticks around. Because he never got a chance to organically unlearn any of it. Because he IS NOT gonna be the one who goes looking for love.

Absolutely not, you tell this man you love him four months into a casual romantic relationship, he is having a secret panic attack and ghosting.

If he falls in love with YOU and realizes it. Bye. Ghosting.

He's so not okay xd

He's okay with friends, for the most part, but chances are, you're still not getting through to his honest self. Everyone gets The Desert Beast. If you get to see Maelgwyn you are a LUCKY bastard, this man masks and hides his real self SO MUCH.

[apocketfullofhobbits]

Your tag about the anger you feel at some readers seeing Adam and Ronan as codependent struck me.

I think of both connected series as metaphors for growing up and reckoning with who you are and what you want— The Dreamer Trilogy carries this over but in a more adult context. It's why I can't get into the Murderous Men in Black aspects of the story because they feel disconnected from what the narrative is trying to say. (I freaking love Hennessey and the underground market though... On that, where is Henry's mother?)

Right, Adam and Ronan. Ronan is an intense and passionate 'all or nothing' person. His love is wild and honest, open and unending. Ronan is not an easy choice for Adam to make. Adam who has survived by being careful and calculating, whose love is deep but compartmentalised and set aside for choices that are practical steps towards an idealised (but superficial) vision of success.

My interpretation of Adam is that on some level he knows he makes false idols (goals that are ultimately unfulfilling in the long term) shaped by pride and survival.

By choosing Ronan Adam is choosing to prioritise love and friendship over pride and ambition. It is Adam choosing to remain present and known rather than remote and lonesome. It is Adam choosing his emotional wellbeing over dreams dreamt by a furious and poverty stricken abused teenager. Choosing Ronan is Adam choosing to be happy over and over. It is a difficult choice.

However, it is one Adam keeps making and that is not co-dependency. It is a decision many teens and 20-somethings make. It is being in love and choosing to remain in love because nothing can be gained by destroying it but unnecessary misery. It is seeing a future with and without and burning down the path that doesn't includes who you don't want to be without. It is Adam and Ronan exploring who they are and what they want and choosing to be happy together.

yes! i agree wholeheartedly with everything u said!

something that needs to be said firstly tho is that my annoyance with this whole thing  in no way proportional to the actual size of the problem, for all i know it was just that one post i briefly saw when i foolishly ventured into the tags even tho i knew i shouldn’t. (also don't get me wrong i have nothing against codependent relationships or/and characters in media, i enjoys messy relationships immensely. i am the sickos guy glued to their window!)  but the topic is nonetheless very thought provoking, so im sorry, but gonna take this opportunity to rumble for a bit!

what is interesting to me is that whether or not adam actually uses the word in his head, i think he is always hyper vigilant against falling into codependancy himself bc growing up he always had this horrible example of his parents staying in a very unhappy marriage for years and years. so much of adam's choices are dictated by wanting to be as different from his parents as he can, and this is one of those things. he is determined not to repeat their mistakes. what’s tricky is not to overcompensate. this is where adam’s struggle lies. there needs to be a balance. we saw how unbalanced he was in the beginning, but over the course of trc he learnt that it’s not actually that scary to rely on other people sometimes. the world is not gonna end if he let’s his friends help him. it’s okay to care and let people in. but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still pondering the exact balance of it all the time; hypervigilance is baked into him.

“My interpretation of Adam is that on some level he knows he makes false idols (goals that are ultimately unfulfilling in the long term) shaped by pride and survival.” - yes and i think when his doubts came closer to the surface, when he found himself playing with the idea that maybe he could give up on the ivy league and go to the college closer to ronan and be happier, his hypervigilance was like ‘wait a second! are we getting too comfortable? to spoiled with love? are we losing our edge? this a slippery slop to becoming just like mom. better nip it in the bud! we are breaking up with ronan!”. and even if back then he just wasn’t yet ready to let go of the painful ambitions that kept him alive for so long, at least in the light of day he was able to resist the irrational unfounded fears and the overwhelming urge to fall back into self-isolation (masked as independence) that plagued him in the dead of the night.

and then cdtw happened and everything went to shit and i loved it! i love characters making mistakes and relationships getting unbalanced, swinging to much to one side, to the other, and then finding balance. i like how very yin-yang ronan and adam. ronan is chaos, passion, anarchy, abundance of emotions, rampant adhd; adam is order, precision, logic, politeness, willpower. but they balance each other out! that's why they work! adam needs a bit of chaos. to let go of control once in a while. ronan needs a solid ground to come back to. and when they strayed from each other, adam wilted without inherently chaotic magical energy like a plant without water, he closed himself of from everyone by lying to everyone and himself, desperately holding on to the notion that magic has no place in his definition of success. that there is magic and there is 'the real world'. u can't have both, so u must sacrifice one or the other. and all that only made him miserable and made him risk his life by scrying alone, just to fucking feel something. ronan went so far into chaotic side with bryde and hennessy that he lost his footing in the world entirely. he lost any hope in a world where the mundane and magical, order and chaos, can ever co-exist. so one must be sacrificed for the other.

and then. these two assholes literally speed run months of individual and couple's therapy with magic, and found the innermost hurt that caused all this mess, which is 'i don't know who the fuck i am. i am so afraid there is not a place for me in this world. in your world. i am afraid to let go of what kept me safe. i don't know who i am without it. i don't want to be alone. i am afraid. i need u'.

bit mad at them for using cheat codes to come to the point of absolute true vulnerability with each other instead of going through mortifying ordeal of Actually Communicating, but oh well, whatcha gonna do.

“ I think of both connected series as metaphors for growing up and reckoning with who you are and what you want— The Dreamer Trilogy carries this over but in a more adult context. It's why I can't get into the Murderous Men in Black aspects of the story because they feel disconnected from what the narrative is trying to say”. - yes! i agree! moderators and visionaries as a concept are so clunky - first of all this kind of hard magic just doesn't work with maggie's tendency to be as vague and mysterious as possible. they stood out like a sore thumb, they cheapened the series for me, and ultimately they (and the pointless and racist af nathan plot line too!) could have been removed from the series entirely with zero harm. the night market und the whole underground magic world make much more juicy setting than underdeveloped off brand spy movie extras running around aimlessly. so yeah, i have many many things i didn’t like in tdt, but adam and ronan’s relationship development is not one of them! its abt the only thing that made complete sense to me, no notes. it was maggie at her best. wish the rest of the series was as good as that.

[truckfreaks]

had such an funny array of experiences the other night at that bar and I've been reflecting on it and wanting to write about it very much.....

on one hand i saw my friends sibling who i haven't seen in quite a while, and he was more outwardly open and excited and chatty than hes been for probably the whole ten years I've known him. like, he even invited me to his bands show? he never invites anyone! he's notorious in our crowd for being very, like... idk. ive heard lots of things - "particular", "difficult to work with", perfectionist... but he was totally different.

he brought his new boyfriend along, and we all had a long silly talk about sneaking into cons when we were kids, navigating the precarious world of gender soup (he understands my soup probably better than anyone, cis trans or otherwise, that I've ever met! it felt great!), the different creative projects were working on (he went to college for video game soundtrack composition at a really prestigious school - super talented!), got really excited when we realized we never had any idea one another had bugsonas and excitedly shared art of our respective bug guys... oh and his boyfriend recognized Dr. Habit on my phone lock/background?! it was the first time anyone's ever recognized anything SFM related on me in the wild ! so that was cool!

and on the other hand... my friend (his brother)'s girlfriend who i've been trying to give an honest fair shake in getting to know was there as well. and like, i think surface wise most people look at her and assume she's like, very ... leftist? and I'm sure she thinks she is, too. but every time i talk to her she sneaks in some kinda backhanded comment about women. i get a big internalized misogyny plus Italian familial politics vibe. and i found myself talking to her abt similar topics, because she said to me she's never seen her boyfriends brother so animated before! and i said well this might be my personal experience coloring things, but being out makes a massive difference in someone's ability to just, like, exist happily! and she wasn't sure what i meant by that, so i explained, and she was like "oh, well i guess i don't understand why you're choosing to identify in a neutral or masc leaning way but you dress like a girl?" and i explained that first off, i appreciate not getting it, but the first step is recognizing that there is no one right way to be a man or a woman, and if we accept gender nonconforming behavior from cis people then why don't we accept it from trans people? why do i have to be a caricature of manhood for you to see me as transmasc? and it kind of got through to her but... not entirely, because her line of questioning was a little ... invasive and unkind in a bad faith way (i have a LOT of patience for folks who may "get it wrong" but engage with me in a good faith way). like she was tryna play gotcha or something.

and i suppose the juxtaposition - people who are quietly queer suddenly becoming loudly queer and, as a result, happier, vs. people who are vocally supportive, but only when a person fits their narrative of what a queer person should look or act like... well. it was not lost on me!

and it also reminded me that sometimes, when you get a vibe about a person, you should trust your gut! it's ok to think, yeah, this isn't a nice person, im gonna protect myself! because if i continued engaging with her, the conversation might have gone very poorly. it certainly has in the past. (for example, apparently bee and puppycat was, and i quote, "too woke" for her. she got really mad when i laughed about it and realized with horror that she wasn't kidding). i feel bad for my friend (her boyfriend) for being in the middle of it, sorta. he's a easygoing simple dude who is wildly supportive of his brother and however he chooses to identify, and frankly i don't think he knows a whole lot about this side of his girlfriend because to him, he doesn't really seek out those kinda conversations. not obviously that it's never come up, but yeah. i know him well enough to know he doesn't share those feelings with her, and it's always really shocking to me to hear her express them - but always when he isn't around. so much so that in the past when I've expressed concern about it, he didn't believe me at first! (then other folks started saying the same thing.)

idk. life is cool and weird and i am happy to be a cool and weird little guy.

[21stcenturygworl]

Girl you've unleashed a monster 💀 It's currently 4:00 am and I just had an idea for a request do here am I! Also I saw the different caracther ask so this one is for the John Marston enjoyers.

Also I send a previous ask but I don't know if it actually sent it so answer this one just in case cause I revised the text in this one while the past one was probably a mess .

So this John is John after the gang slip up. John is in town doing things that a man working on a ranch would do like buy supplies and honestly just being a normal man for once when he notices a person looking very intensively at him. At first he's like "Do they recognise me from the gang?" but dismiss the thought when they see they're drawing something. And no-one would take time of their day to draw John so the person is probably painting something else and John is just being paranoid.

Fast forward some time and our man John is out in town when he spots a crowd forming near a building. And let's be honest he is bored so he goes to investigate. So apparently it's an art exhibition and look John has never been an art guy but a voice that resembles Hosea too much urges John to go take a look cause "it's never too late to have culture". So in he goes. John is looking around and yes some nice landscapes, pretty flowers and wait hold up is that a protrait of him? And well if it's not that's a shame cause it resembles John to a t, scars and all. And ok John has a mixed reaction to this. He's a wanted ex gang member and having his face anywhere is a danger but also he can't help to be flattered. And wow great timing is that the artist? John's goes up to them and he's like " Honest I'm flattered but I feel like I have to mention I have a wife and a son." And the artist is like "Oh I know." And points at another painting. It's Abigail and Jack.

Now your turn :)

this has been in my inbox for like, idk, a century IM SO SORRY TO HAVE KEPT YOU WAITING... but I'm here now bestie

i hope you enjoy!!

Picture Perfect

John Marston x Abigail Marston (mentioned)

John rolls his shoulders after the sack of cracked corn hits the wooden bed of the wagon with a thud. Oh, he knows the ladies back at the farm are gonna love this. The “ladies” being the chickens, of course. The distance he has to ride to town just to get supplies is a pain, but he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do. Living an honest life is hard work, surprisingly.

Some part of him had always thought a “normal” life would all be easier, like a dream come true. The idea of being able to walk around without fear of being attacked or having to watch his back all the time had been a long-held desire. But, as he slowly acclimatised to his new life, he began to realise that perhaps it was not easier, nor more difficult than his old life was. It was just… different. He supposes that it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but rather a new experience that’s testing his limits and strengths in different ways. Although it’s still not at all what he had expected, he’s determined to make the most of it, learning lessons along the way.

John's moment of quiet reflection is quickly forgotten when he senses a presence watching him. He turns, scanning the area for any signs of who it could be, and then he spots her. Sitting in the shade of the awning in front of the baker's shop, she holds his gaze for a moment, before her eyes quickly dart away. It's almost as if she was expecting him to notice her. His brow furrows. She doesn’t look familiar. But it’s such a distance, maybe he should get closer just to be sure…

He feels himself physically relax when he notices she’s drawing. He looks to his side, figuring she was staring at the horses rather than at him. Arthur used to draw animals all the time as well. Hell, he’d be sitting just like that woman is, eyes darting up and down between paper and subject.

A sigh through his nostrils escapes him, followed by a smile appearing on his face. Well, that was a long time ago. Unfortunately, he’s going to have to take the subjects of the drawing with him. He climbs into the driver’s seat of the wagon. With the reins in hands, he begins the long journey home.

The next time John returns to town, he’s in a sour mood. This is due in part to the frequent arguments he’s been having with Abigail. Things have been tough lately — the two of them keep struggling to see eye to eye on many issues, and John is doing his best to keep it all at the back of his mind.

For now, it’s just him and his horse, and just for the afternoon he’d like to keep it that way.

Once his trusty steed has been seen to, with ample water and shade provided, John ventures further into town on foot to carry out his errands. As he goes about his way, he notices that one of the buildings he has been past many times before has now attracted a large crowd of people around its entrance. Intrigued, he steps a little closer to see what’s going on. As he gets closer, he can hear the excited chatter from the crowd and can tell that something special must be happening. Which is surprising for a sleepy town like this, honestly.

He pushes his way through the throng to get a better look, and to his surprise, he sees an art exhibition.

Here, in all places? John nearly scoffs at the idea.

Yet his feet betray him, staying firmly planted in the ground instead of walking away. John looks at the entrance to the building from under the brim of his hat. Smiling people exit the building as they enthuse about the pieces on display.

Ah, to Hell with it. Entry is free, anyway.

John takes off his hat and steps inside the building. It’s nothing like he’s used to. He’s never been the “artistic” type — that was Arthur, even though not many people knew it. Still, even John can tell that the person who made these paintings and illustrations put a lot of love into them. The walls are decorated with vibrant landscapes, still lives, portraits, and other works depicting the simplicity and beauty of… life. The room is filled with people admiring the artwork. John takes in the scene with a sense of wonder and awe.

He meanders through the exhibition, taking in the various pieces of art. He stops to admire a painting of a horse, which reminds him of his own horse waiting for him just outside. He can’t help the smile on his face. Then he moves on to the next piece.

To his surprise, he sees himself staring right back at him.

John blinks at the bizarre sight. That’s him. No doubt about it. From his clothes to his hair to the scars and — does he really make a brooding face like that?

Other visitors seem to have noticed, whispering with intrigued smiles when they see John looking at the portrait of himself.

“Oh!” a voice calls out from behind John. “Um, this is a pleasant surprise, I must say.”

John whips around and finds himself face to face with the woman he’d seen weeks ago. She smiles up at him. With a cheery voice she introduces herself, telling him her name. She’s the artist of this exhibition.

“I’m— I’m John Marston,” he responds, stumbling over his words. He gestures at the portrait behind him. “You painted me.”

The artist clasps her hands together. “I did! I hope you take no offence?”

John shakes his head, a small smile playing on his lips despite the confusion. “No, no offence. I’m just… surprised.” He looks back at the portrait. It’s amazing. He can’t believe someone was able to capture him so accurately.

“Do you like it?” she asks, her eyes searching his face for approval… or something.

Awkwardly, John shifts his weight on his feet. He’s a little unsure of what to do with his hands. Suddenly he’s very, very aware of how there are many other people at this exhibition, of which many are watching his interaction with the artist. “Yeah, I do. I’m real flattered,” he begins, still trying to find the right words to say. He clears his throat, then lowers his voice, “I just… Erm… I’ve got a wife, and a kid…”

“Oh! Oh, I know!” the artist says to his surprise. She turns around, then points at another set of paintings towards the other side of the room. “I painted them too.”

John takes a few steps forward and sees the two portraits of Abigal and Jack, their faces bright and smiling. And there’s one painting of the three of them together, with John standing next to a wagon with his arm around Abigail. Jack is seated in the wagon.

His heart swells in his chest and his throat tightens, causing him to take a deep breath.

“I’ve seen the three of you in town together many times. You always seem so happy,” the artist tells him, wearing a wistful smile. “A picture perfect family. I… wanted to capture that.”

John leaves the art exhibition later, with a swirl of emotions that leave him feeling somewhat perplexed and overwhelmed. He can’t quite make sense of all the feelings surging through him, but deep down he knows one thing for certain: errands be damned. He’s going home to hug his wife and son.

[tklpilled]

ty for the tag @cantsaythetword <3

fandom faves of the year !!

favourite new fandom: i guess bsd considering i've been hyperfixated since april LMAO but mp100 is also a vv good one!!

favourite new ships: skk, satosugu, and akiangel

favourite anime/tv show: chainsaw man !!

favourite movie: the only good ones i watched didn't come out this year so. none

favourite character: do Not make me choose i'll cry

favourite soundtrack: the csm soundtrack goes So hard

favourite book/manga/comic: TGCF OMG i havent even finished it (if anyone knows where i can read the whole thing translated i'll love you) but its so good

favourite game: i dont think i played any that came out this year!! been wanting to play legends arceus though

highlight of the year: i am forgetting literally Everything that happened this year. reigen sans queen of england was definitely a fun one though

community faves !!

favourite tumblr moment: goncharov was certainly a time

favourite fanart: this, this, this, this, and this are some :)

favourite fic: oh this one is. very hard .... but some that i find myself revisiting often are -if we're being honest by thequeenofwhump -now and forever (and before then, too) by radstarmuffin -difficult patient by stargazingly -birthday tickles for the child(e) by anonymous

favourite ask game: gonna be honest i remember absolutely zero of the ones i reblogged

top achievement as a creator: i hit 500 followers !! which is so cool ily guys

best fic of mine: in terms of impressions, on ao3 it was looking out for you and here it was kiss me hard before you go, which is wild because i wrote it last week, but if we're talking fic that im most proud of, im a fan of my akiangel drabble here

most underappreciated fic of mine: dandelion didn't do very well on ao3 </3

post that got more popularity than expected: that akiangel fic. what the hell

something on my blog i changed: my layout. numerous times.

next year !!

something i didn't do this year but would like to next year: commissions!! i plan on opening them soon :D

goals for next year: i feel like i didn't write much this year until these past few months, so writing more!!

2023 releases i'm looking forward to: botw2 definitely!! as well as the new seasons for bsd, jjk, tgcf, and sxf :)

spreading love !!

shoutout to people who made my year better: of course all of my friends and partners!! i love you all sm <3 and shoutout to those mutuals i don't regularly talk to but we're still chilling together

(too nervous to tag anyone so just go for it lmao)

[furrowfilthe]

hellooo i'm the guy who commented on antlers yesterday and asked for lyrics! i'm glad my comment could bring you some happiness <3 honestly upon listen i'd never guess the song was made in a rush! i get the struggle about lyrics and how exposed they can make you feel. & it's so easy to get in your own head when you've created something, to trap yourself in there and burn yourself out. the fact you're putting your work out there anyway is inspiring me ngl

i'm curious about the lyrics to all your songs actually, not just antlers!

hello again ! i’m truly very grateful that you’ve taken an interest, especially as i’m working on being more open about my music. tumblr is the easiest place for me to be honest, it feels like one of the few places online that hasn’t been irony poisoned yet.

i’m really fascinated by the phenomenon of bucks and stags dying after accidentally locking their antlers together. something about it is deeply vulnerable. it’s like dying in someone’s arms, but you have no choice, and you hate the person holding you. which is what Antlers is about, really - loving someone you hate. one day when i have a better recording set up i’d like to revisit the concept.

the lyrics are:

told you this was gonna hurt not matter what we do

so promise me you won’t cry cause if you cry i’ll cry too

told you not to follow me told you i’m no good

told you this was gonna hurt

you said that it should.

our antlers are locked

im lame you’re shot

we’re running out of time we’re gonna die we’re gonna rot

in this bed that we hate

it’s cold and it’s wet and we made it that way

thought that i’d be fragile then said i fucked you like a wild animal

but you held me like a dead one that you’ll bury in the garden

our antlers are locked

im lame you’re shot

we’re running out of time we’re gonna die we’re gonna rot

in this bed that we hate

it’s cold and it’s wet and we made it that way

( spoken word during the guitar break, it’s purposely distorted to be difficult to make out )

i bet that i could break you

i bet that you would like it

i bet the two of us haven’t learnt a single fucking thing

i bet that i could take you

i hate that i would like it

i bet the two of us would rather drown than learn to swim

since you asked nicely i’ll leave your wrecked on the floor

i say “don’t fucking come back” but you do and i give you more

told you this was gonna hurt no matter what we do

so promise me you won’t cry cause if you cry i’ll cry too

[por-siempre-aqui]

I knew I was going to have to be the one to actually end the relationship.

To be honest this was the perfect opportunity that he gave me.

I don't regret not telling him. I was afraid to tell him

I did at some point buy into the idea that If it upsets him, I won't do it. He kept using the term, well if you want to hangout with other guys and not tell me. Like it was justified. I already knew what he was gonna say, but I do have to say his maturity surprised me. He is being cordial about this and I'm still here biting my tongue really hard.

I am trying to recall the conversation for therapy next week. But I think what is more important to talk about his me and how I feel now that he swears he will move out.

He even decided to mention that he did tell me he wasn't ready for a relationship and he warned me. All i remembere is feeling like I wanted to laugh at him. I don't feel bad about any of it because R and I did hang out again. And it was awesome and not weird and we got exercise in, but also much needed socializing.

But when I told S that plans changed so it was just me and Rocco hanging out. He obviously got upset, assumed a bunch of horrible things. I wanted to believe that his reaction wouldn't be bad, but it was. Full of 'you're my woman, and why do you need to hangout with other guys while im at work AND if you wanna hangout with other guys, then do that alone".

He already had his mind set about it and so did I. I was ready to throw in the towel. I AM DONE.

I said I agree, we should break up.

And then his tune changed and he said okay now that you explained it, I still don't agree, but for you I will trust the guy you hangout with and it takes a lot for me to offer this. And I still said no. We should just break up. And that's when I had to explain that this only is one thing I'm upset about. I'm also upset that its now June and he was supposed to move out in March. He finally didn't dodge my question about why he hasn't really looked for a place. He said then it would be real. And he didn't want to leave because it felt like I was getting rid of him. I offered a solution in our relationship and he claimed to agree. All he did was lie and buy time. And now he will probably have no where to go because he didn't actually keep looking.

And then he had the audacity to say my situation isn't that bad because I will still have a home and roof over my head. And I said yeah that's why I feel bad and I hate that you placed me in this horrible position. All I really needed from him was to move out and make it .

He also tried to ask if after he is away for a while... If we could get back together later. And I said I can't say yes or no. I cannot promise that and neither can you.

Then he asked if he could hold me.

It's different than last time, i sit here thinking. Damn he is finally now where I needed him to be two years ago. Which means he will be what I need now like years from now. Because my standards are different. And I am not gonna be in a romantic relationship any time soon.

I'd rather have fun and hook up and kiss people. Man I miss kissing and feel fireworks.

I miss having excellent sex, which I really only felt with him in the beginning. And after getting chlamydia from probably him too, I already was turned off and luckily we had to take a sex break and it wasn't difficult because I have more sex with myself than with him. Wows. I'm messed up.

When we were cuddling I was stoned so I kept my eyes closed and imagined platonically cuddling someone else because he gave me such a nice goodbye hug last time. I can't wait to spend more time with my friends.

[outofcontexturi]

15th jan 2023 sun journal 21:41pm

ive had a lazy weekend.im not completely mad at myself but i do feel i need to do more work. i’ve been chilling for most of today. i had a good week though. i havent done one of these journals in a minute. im currently watching Abbott Elementary and i must say that this is good tv. i cant really point out why im annoyed with the world. i dont know if its because this isnt where i envisioned myself when i was 18. i think i thought i’d be bigger than i am and more confident than i am. i thought i’d be that guy. and in different ways i am already showcasing those qualities i once wanted but im not in the social position i thought i’d be in. although one could say he’s on his way. 24 is such weird age to be man. i just feel born again but in a weird way. it’s not comfortable that im learning myself in real time and im super conscious of myself. it’s like im hyper focused on myself weirdly enough. last week was good though. finally did some screen acting after so many months away. felt good to be back infront of a camera. i was nervous coming back to it though. i’ve also realised how hard commercial voice acting is. my god is fucking hard.3rd year is something man. the grind felt mild this week but im anticipating a shit storm these next few weeks. God be with me. i really want braces. invisalign. had an audible workshop which was so cool. honestly some of the most fun improvisation i’ve done in a long while! it was genuinely so much fun. did a bridgerton scene with Lizzie too. i personally enjoyed it but the playback was a bit hard to watch but i think thats because i was self conscious of what i look like on camera rather than focusing on perfromance its more personal and it shouldnt be. thats my thing with screen acting and i know im not alone on this. alot of actors hate seeing themselves on screen and im one of them if im being completely honest. because i know screen is more of a visual medium than theatre is and looks play a massive role in casting etc sometimes the look you think you’re giving a camera lense doesnt translate when you watch yourself back and you kinda think to yourself “am i overacting” or “can i fucking act?” and it happens like that man. its a difficult road ahead but someone has to go thru it. tomorrow will be good hopefully. im gonna keep watching this abbott elementary and try and do some line learning and character prep and then sleep. Mondays are always long days. sign out time:21:58pm