#this whole album is a mood tonight

[mangk0]

Begging the oh hellos to do concerts literally anywhere in the US again. For dear wormwood ten years, PLEASE

[jensettermandu]

vampire - aeri uchinaga

genre; angst, fluff (not much), sfw

pairing; giselle x female reader

content; unhealthy relationship; poor communication, 'i can fix her' - aeri, 'hot and cold' - y/n, arguments, jealousy, and toxicity in general. 6th member of lsfm, 01' liner.

synopsis; aeri can't help but feel like she's in a relationship with a vampire the way her girlfriend bleeds her dry, but she also can't help but continue to feed into all of her whims and desires despite it feeling like she isn't getting a drop of blood back.

wc; 7.6k+

songs; big city blues - lil peep , risqué - cute is what we aim for , tragic girl - weezer , candles - juice wrld , your favourite dress - lil peep/lil tracy

masterlist

“I missed you,”

Aeri expected to hear the same words back, but she should have known better, however, Y/n was impossible to read most of the time. It had been over a year yet Aeri felt like she was at times still on the same page as when she first talked to the girl. 

Y/N was impossible to learn because she changed more than the weather. Her girlfriend was hard to love, but even harder to understand for anyone, yet Aeri was putting her whole heart on the line and would always take a leap of faith for Y/n. There was no transparency to her, but there were cracks at times. 

It wasn’t Y/n that messed up, but Aeri saying these words of affection after longing for someone she viewed as her other half. She shouldn’t have said that she had been longing after her. It wasn’t even metaphorical; a wall dropped down between them and Y/n was no longer in her arms.

“Yeah well, you wouldn’t miss me so much if you decided to spend more time with me.”

She forgot how cold the nights could get at times, especially when they weren’t in each other’s arms. The days ran busy and nights were used to suffice exhaustion and she knew that she had spent less time with her girlfriend. Y/n was high-maintenance as her friends had told her; Y/n’s friends included. 

It didn’t help that they both lived in dorms and it did limit them at times. 

Y/n was also hot and cold.

Their meetings felt almost like secret affairs which Y/n would complain about now and then. The quiet–in Aeri’s opinion serene and intimate–rendezvous after dark with just them and no one else around as they would walk along the sidewalks, talking, gazing, sharing a bond and intimacy. 

The wind somewhat howled as it blew from the corner of the apartment building’s rounding. Aeri had yet to move as she watched Y/n’s slim figure walking away from her, the only small light being the one from the girl’s phone. 

How much sacrifice was love worth?

Aeri wasn’t going to put a limit now; she was ready to go until she dropped dead with no heart left to keep her alive because Y/n had consumed it all; blood and flesh because she was aware of how selfish the girl could be. She could hand her her heart, but Y/n would grab her whole and rip her to shreds to fulfil her hunger; with Aeri possibly getting something back. 

It didn’t end there because Y/n would then spit her right back out.

It was what she wanted in the end; for Y/n to just want her too, no matter how she wanted her as long as she did even if the girl didn’t want her after.

Could she blame Y/n? No. She was aware that her girlfriend had been through a lot, that it all led to walls being put up and that whenever something was off the smallest amount; new walls dropped. Aeri was willing to sacrifice for her love; she was stuck with the mentality of being able to help Y/n.

One step forward could at times mean ten steps backwards though.

It had been a long day, she should have been back in the dorm, sleeping, they were still promoting their new album. Aeri was drained as it was, but she was offering herself for Y/n’s sake. 

“Y/n, I’m not in the mood to run after you tonight.” Her tone was somewhere between pleading yet firm, walking a thin line because she knew what the wrong type of tone led to. 

“As if I could expect that from you.” She barely caught it and shoved her hands into her pants pockets, refusing to follow. 

Her eyes stuck on the girl who was taking long yet languid steps, dressed in a black skirt, ripped tights, white tank top with a zip-up that was sliding down her shoulder. Aeri’s zip-up hoodie as she stood in just her t-shirt after giving it to Y/n. 

How long did she stand still? Fighting the urge so she wouldn’t run after Y/n like she always did. It was as if something was pulling her after the girl, perhaps the invincible collar that Y/n had on her while at the same time, she tried to fight against its every tug.

She remembered what truly had pulled her towards the girl, to begin with, and what tied her to Y/n. It was physical attraction when she first saw her, then came the attraction after seeing how similar they were in interests to aesthetics and at last, she spoke to the girl and realised that she would fall. 

She did.

Aeri walked right after Y/n because she wasn’t going to limit her love for the girl. There was no love without pain, right? Y/n was worth getting hurt for, she was sure that she could mend what was shattered inside her girlfriend, but it would only be possible if she followed her even if it was blindly.

“Okay wait.” She gave in at last as she took a few long strides towards her girlfriend, slipping her hand into Y/n’s. Maybe those constant texts and calls weren’t enough throughout the days; she could do more than text and call. 

Her fingers intertwined with Y/n’s who looked at her with her piercing gaze, the one that devoured Aeri from the outside. However, it would eat long enough until she was consumed whole. 

“I wanna take you on a date, I have a day off Monday.” She could make it up, she always did even if she wasn’t sure if there was much she had to make up for. Aeri would still do it for Y/n. It wasn’t like she could do much about her schedule, but there was always a way to give more than she already had. 

She refused to let Y/n slip through her fingers. 

The wall was still there and she knew that she needed to make up for it to come back down. Y/n would be distant, it would be cold, again, until those icebergs melted. 

Y/n looked uninterested, her eyes vacant and Aeri always tried to occupy them. To fit into Y/n’s gaze, to reflect in her eyes and to feel seen. At times she wondered if Y/n’s heart at least sped up at times because of her, if it was even beating to begin with. How did someone manage to be so cold yet magnetise like a warm fire? 

She reached her hand up to the girl’s face as the wind blew, fixing the loose strands of layered hair. “Fine–” She pursed her lips as Y/n moved her face away and dropped her hand. It did ache, it did make a fear run across her spine; how much did she mess up this time? When would she pushed away far enough by Y/n to lose her? Why was she always so apprehensive around Y/n? “I still want to go home, I’m tired.” 

What had it been? 30 minutes since they met up? Aeri spent more time getting to the place together with getting back than she had spent with her girlfriend. It was still worth it. Those 30 minutes with Y/n were worth it. She had grown to realise that it was better to take whatever she got at times. 

She had missed the girl in the end after the distance between them due to work.

“Y/n,” Aeri started as they stood face to face, Y/n’s gaze didn’t falter while hers had to wander away every three seconds. “I’m sorry, I promise to make it up to you.” 

“I know. You promise each time.” 

She swallowed down the heaviness of not being able to take care of Y/n like she wanted to and always tried to. She was only able to speculate what could be going through Y/n’s head at the moment or ever for that matter. It felt like she had never been let inside; it wasn’t a feeling, it was the truth. That was why she clutched the small crumbs dearly.

“I’m for real this time.” 

“I’m aware.” 

An awkwardness fell upon her, knowing that she made more promises than she could handle. She at times had to cancel because of work. She still made up every time, yet every time it still got distant from Y/n’s side.

“Are you mad?”

“No.” That meant yes, she knew that much about her girlfriend. Aeri would say that she was thankful that Y/n’s manager pulled over by the curb, saving her from any more opportunities to mess up again. 

She couldn’t just let her go like that, “I love you,” she reminded and for a moment she hesitated. Aeri leaned in and got the cheek turned to her which she settled for. “Yeah, love you.” The words felt thrown and she was fully aware that Y/n was mad at her despite all her efforts to see her amidst her busy schedule as the car drove off.

“Awh, that’s so cute.” Yunjin cooed, being quicker to the gift by Y/n’s makeup spot than the girl herself. The other girl walked around Yunjin and took her seat in the makeup chair as the green room was starting to crowd. 

A cute black bat plushie, Y/n rolled her eyes, her hands reached for the small envelope stuck to it together with a blood-red rose. She opened it, somewhat already expecting what would be said. Aeri often sent her gifts, but the older tended to send them more often on these occasions. 

‘I’m packed today, but I fixed everything for you, I will call you when I get home. Love you <3’

Aeri’s care was overwhelming and Y/n couldn’t figure out if she was overcaring, overdoing it just to fool her or if it was out of genuine care and love. It only filled up the balloon of anxiety and distrust towards her girlfriend instead of doing the opposite for Y/n. What were her intentions? People always had ulterior motives, didn’t they? Was anyone just nice to be nice?

Y/n knew what love was. 

“What did it say?” Yunjin’s curiosity never subsided as she found herself more nosy than Y/n would deem acceptable. 

“The same.” She mumbled, haphazardly handing the note to her side and the girl beside her took it.

“I think it’s the thought that counts, she could have just sent a text.”

Why would Aeri go out of her way? It only made Y/n run more leery. 

It wasn’t the same words every time, but each time she wouldn’t be able to talk throughout the days she sent gifts and other things. Was it to make up for it? Y/n had no clue. 

Y/n would prefer a short text over the care.

She reached for the plushie and looked over her shoulder at the glimpse of a shadow that passed them. “Eunchae–” The girl was cut short by Yunjin who grabbed hold of the plushie, catching the rose that was about to fall.

“No, you can’t just give it away.” She clicked her tongue and grabbed the stuff, the note included before she turned around and handed it over to a passing manager who would bring it to the car. 

Yunjin was close with Aeri; she was the one who gave her Y/n’s number and was there when they first met as it was disguised as a casual hangout. She was the one who without Y/n’s knowledge possibly slipped up and mentioned that Y/n was high maintenance, but would also draw back despite wanting care. It was an accident. All in all, she was always there for Y/n as her friend. 

“It’s only a matter of time until she retreats and leaves me to grasp for crumbs. It’s always the same.” Y/n muttered, looking over her nails, trying not to give into the overwhelming emotions that continued to fill the balloon every day. There was a reason to let Aeri close, but not too close, too close meant that she could hurt her if she let all the walls down. 

“Why not talk to her about it then?” Y/n’s eyes moved up and looked in the mirror at Sakura’s voice who sat down on the chair beside her. They carefully moved to Yunjin for reassurance of what she thought about those words, but all she got was an unfortunate nod of agreement. 

“About what?”

“Your insecurities, fears, the fact that you’ve had terrible experiences with your previous partners.” Yunjin started to list the things, not beating around the bush, however, her tone held genuine care and compassion to try and help her friend. 

“So she can use it against me?” Was the first thing that came to Y/n’s mind at the suggestion, making the two older girls share a look; it wasn’t as easy as they wished it was. Y/n too wished it was easier, but when she found warmth and comfort behind cold walls, it was hard to let them down. If something happened before, what reassured her that it wouldn’t happen again? 

Just because it was Aeri, didn’t mean that it couldn’t happen. Y/n was aware that she could never completely know someone; never 100% and that she would always have to trust her for her words. The issue was that Y/n couldn’t do that; trust gestures or words.

“Why would she do that?” Sakura genuinely questioned and Y/n got up from her seat at the call of her manager about food; yet another gesture of Aeri to make sure that she ate.

“I already regret telling any of you anything at all.” The girl honestly spoke as the help only got overwhelming because it left her in more conflict. 

“That’s not very nice of you.” She pushed past Yunjin, ignoring her further complaints about being hurt as she grabbed Kazuha to eat with her instead. 

Not let Aeri close enough to hurt her.

Aeri sighed and tossed her phone to the side, trying to figure out what she did wrong this time. At this point, she was close to believing that she possibly sent the wrong type of food to the girl. It was ridiculous and she was painfully aware of it yet she did nothing about it, but continued trying. 

She couldn’t help the fact that she cared, being fully aware that Y/n wanted her to care even if it left her misled because of how Y/n also pushed her away. 

The darkness in her room was lit up as she got a notification and she blindly reached for her phone.

: stuck at practice, let’s talk later

: ok, lemme know when you’re back 

: Love you, take care and don’t push yourself too far

She watched as the message was read, but she got nothing sent back which elicited a groan from between her lips. The guessing game was impossible to win; did Y/n want her to care or not? Did she want an ‘I love you’ or not? If she did and Aeri didn’t send it to her she would grow cold, but if she didn’t want it and she still sent it, Aeri felt like a fool. 

This was the girlfriend she wanted, this was the girlfriend she fed her every drop of blood to the way she sucked her dry and left her with no energy. 

With the phone resting on her chest she stared at the dark ceiling, it was nearing midnight and all she wanted to do was talk on the phone with Y/n until she would doze off. All she wanted to do was make sure that Y/n wasn’t overworking herself and that she was fine, but she didn’t want to be too much at the moment. Aeri figured that Y/n needed her space after the staleness that grew after they saw each other. 

In the end, guessing was all that she could do.

She was snapped out of it when the door opened, saving her from the overthinking that always turned melancholic.

Y/n learned that she could probably stare at the messages with her girlfriends for hours as she waited for an answer. It was past midnight and she was in the car with Chaewon who she had stayed behind with. 

It had been a good ten minutes since she texted Aeri.

She didn’t have the time to reply earlier; at least that was her excuse to make herself seem less cold. It left her guilty otherwise because she did care, but how did she show that without having to be vulnerable? Without having to let her girlfriend closer?

Ten minutes of waiting for an answer.

Ten minutes too long. 

She left the chat and opened her socials. The girl sunk into her seat, biting the nail of her thumb as she felt that green garden growing inside her. Aeri wasn’t obliged to be live on Instagram with Minjeong, ignoring her texts or at least not answering them. She didn’t like feeling jealous, it always made her melt into a miserable puddle that had no clue how to express it because of the susceptibility it made her feel. 

She hated that one person was able to affect her this much. That one person was able to hurt her at any moment. That something this small could affect her at times. 

At least an answer would make her feel better, but Aeri seemed too busy with her friend. Was it because she had accidentally let Aeri past too many walls? Her fingers wouldn’t be trembling from overwhelming emotions if she had kept her at arm's length. It meant that she had let her closer than she dared.

Grief turned to anger and Y/n could only blame herself for being vulnerable enough to get hurt by this. To get hurt in the first place.

Aeri knew that she was in shambles when Y/n hadn’t replied to her texts, she replied exactly 15 minutes later, and all her calls had led to the automated voicemail. She had gone to bed, barely able to sleep, without any goodnight or I love you, and there hadn’t been any answers in the morning either.

Her last hope had been Yunjin. Her schedule had come to an end at around 7 P.M. With still no answer from her girlfriend, she called Yunjin. Even though it wasn’t the first time that she had been ignored for hours, it still left her worried each time. 

It somewhat irked Aeri to hear that Y/n had been at the company building the whole day and didn’t have more than the practice that ended at noon. It irked her that she had been ignoring Aeri without letting her know why, all she knew was that she somehow messed up. How? When? What was it? What did she do? She had to guess, again.

What irked her the most after her call with Yunjin was that Y/n was with Kazuha. 

She wouldn’t have minded if she had at least gotten a single reply. 

It wasn’t something she could help, but she had always been the slightest bit jealous when it came to Kazuha. Oh how much she hated it, to be jealous of someone who was Y/n’s group member. However, she felt like she had every right to hate it and be pissed about the proximity of Y/n and Kazuha’s relationship.

What was she angry about while sitting in the back of the car? That green mixed with red, angry about how the girl was always there when Aeri messed up and was always the one comforting her girlfriend. Someone had to, that someone should be Aeri, but instead, whenever she wanted to apologise, make up for it, and be there for Y/n…Kazuha was somehow always already there, witnessing Aeri at her worst while soothing Y/n, making it look like she only knew how to hurt and mess up.

Far from the truth. She hoped. Aeri had managed to grow insecure as their relationship progressed; regressed would be a better term. 

What hurt the most was that deep down she was aware that Y/n possibly didn’t trust her enough to find comfort in her.

All she wanted was for Y/n to open up to her. All she got was drained while watching her girlfriend open up to someone else about the problems of their relationship, but never to her. She had tried to bring them up, but it had always been a one-sided conversation. 

“Does she think that I’m enough? I get shut out when I mess up, I get shut out when she opens up…I’m honestly so confused at times.” Aeri frowned, unsure where she got the urge to suddenly start spilling out her feelings to Yunjin. There had been a heavy feeling in her chest, she wanted to be perfect for Y/n, to care for her and love her.

“I’m not even sure how I messed up this time.” She somewhat exclaimed in exhaustion, her voice leaving that timid whisper-like tone, with her arms gesturing outwards before falling to her sides. 

Aeri sighed to gather herself and not get too emotional, knowing well that Y/n and love were a sensitive topic for her because she loved her so much that she couldn’t love more. It was frustrating enough that she couldn’t show it in any more ways. 

She stared at the metal doors of the elevator they were in and looked to her side as Yunjin squeezed her shoulder to comfort her.

“I don’t think it’s that.” Yunjin shortly replied, sounding like she may had an idea what it would be.

Aeri raised her eyebrows in question at the words. Yunjin looked off to the side at the numbers that went up about to reach the floor. She clicked her tongue and heaved a sigh–probably not in the position to make statements–she knew what it was in the end.

“It’s not because you mess up that she distances herself—” Yunjin started and took the first steps towards the doors that had slid open as she quietly finished, “it’s because you don’t.” 

Aeri has put up with it, she had been standing in Y/n’s burning home despite being far from fireproof. She put up with the pain for Y/n, willing to stand in what was her home that was burning; Y/n’s whole world was on fire. Aeri wanted to put it out and help her see that just because the inside of a home was up in flames: it didn’t mean that everything outside of it was burning to the ground too. 

It seemed to have a different outcome and her not messing up, showing how much love there was, only made the fire ablaze and out of control.

She wasn’t going to stop though.

A long pause came—a silence that no one breached for the next few seconds—when Yunjin opened the door to the room where Y/n was. Kazuha included of course.

Jealousy bubbled inside her, Aeri never wanted to be that type, but it was impossible when it came to Y/n. The small couch was occupied by the two, Y/n’s legs thrown over Kazuha’s and they barely made an effort to look at them until Yunjin called for the younger. 

She felt stupid, but her heart knew what it felt and why it hurt, why it made her feel sick. She had too many feelings for Y/n to not feel like a part of her would rot every time she got jealous. It was ugly in the end, but she couldn’t help it when she saw someone she tried everything for open up within seconds to someone who wasn’t her. 

She bunched up the material of her jacket as she watched Y/n lift her head from Kazuha’s shoulder who unwrapped her arms from around her waist. Her eyes fell on Y/n who was already looking back at her and amongst all this, at least her presence was acknowledged and not ignored, Aeri already felt foolish enough.

The door closed after they left and Y/n leaned back on the couch, crossing her legs as she looked at her nails while picking at them. She knew what was wrong, she knew that Aeri would show up at some point, however, she had hoped that she wouldn’t because it would be easier to stay upset. To blame her for something (anything) and push her away for it even if Y/n had wanted nothing more than to spend a day with the girl who sat down on the other end of the couch.

Arms distance was still better, wasn’t it?

“Why do you treat me like–” Aeri started but stopped, her lips pursed and she took in a breath, deciding to consider her words first. With a sigh she averted her gaze towards her girlfriend, barely being able to feel her presence because of the walls that the girl had put between them. 

Was she supposed to get on her knees and beg for forgiveness? Was Aeri supposed to let Y/n tug her closer by the collar she had on her like always? To give in the way she always did. She had been patient for so long and nothing was working, the only thing she wanted was for it to work. It wouldn’t, not if she kept avoiding everything wrong for Y/n’s sake if she ignored it because Y/n didn’t want to ever talk about it. 

She had been doing everything for the girl, but nothing for their relationship to actually work out like it should. 

“I don’t like how close you two are at times,” Aeri admitted, deciding to be truthful, to be open about the ugliness that didn’t have to be there if they only talked about it. 

She for the first time in the one year they had been together brought up a problem without beating around the bush; Y/n always ran away from all problems, especially if she tried to talk about them and it made Aeri look like a terrible person. 

“It was fine for you to be all over Minjeong on live though, I wasn’t comfortable with that.” In contrast to Aeri’s calm tone, Y/n spat venom at her. She could see the walls growing taller by the second as it started right after she brought it up. It was always the same, nothing changed yet it always hurt no matter how used she was to it.

“I wasn’t all over her, plus we were live, obviously I will be a bit closer and you know it yourself Y/n. We are in the same industry.” Her fingers threaded through her hair, sighing at the emotions that were bubbling inside her chest. “What I don’t understand is why you would be so close to her when no cameras or fans are watching. I get it, but there is a limit even between friends.” In the end, Aeri wouldn’t mind, but it was a bit too much for her to be comfortable with it. 

It could be mistaken; Kazuha could be mistaken for Y/n’s girlfriend and Aeri for her friend.

Y/n could feel the walls closing in on her, she had always found comfort in the walls she put up. These walls were ones that Aeri was pushing past and it was all closing in on her, leaving her with no room to breathe. All she needed was a way out before it would become overwhelming and she would be unable to breathe. Aeri was getting too close–arm's length, she was past that–and Y/n wanted to run, but her feet were stuck to the ground.

“Maybe because my girlfriend doesn’t have the time to give me what I need. I needed to talk to you, I wanted to be with you—” All her defences went up as she tried her best to crawl into her shell of safety in case Aeri managed to crumble her walls. “You were too busy being on a live you weren’t obliged to be part of.” The girl scoffed out, in disbelief. 

Y/n hated how gently the girl was doing it, that she wasn’t wrecking them like everyone else had always done. All those times her walls were forcefully broken down and she was wrecked together with those walls. Why couldn’t Aeri wreck all her walls and her like the rest? Why couldn’t she hurt her and be familiar? 

It made red lights go off in Y/n’s head as she stood up from the couch. One thing in mind: Aeri was coming in softly and would wreck her, ruin her worse than anyone else had managed to do because she would have Y/n in her arms when doing it. She would get close enough for it to hurt more than anyone had been able to hurt her because she would be on the inside. 

Love had turned into logic for Y/n; this was like a trojan horse. 

“You were too busy taking care of someone else, someone who you see every day.” 

“I’m always there for you though, I just happened to be away from my phone for a few minutes and you made it a big deal.” She reasoned, watching the girl anxiously pull on the sleeves of her sweater. Even if the girl was a closed and locked book, Aeri could read Y/n when it came to certain things. She took her time to analyse the small details on the outside and the tiny peeks she got on the inside. 

Enough to know that everything was burning on the inside. Enough to know that Y/n was doing everything to turn it around and make it easier for herself to push away Aeri again. 

“Why do you invalidate my feelings, Aeri? You don’t know what I felt or what I feel and when I try to tell you about it, you say it’s the opposite.” 

And she knew enough to know that it would start draining her again. Aeri didn’t want to fight with Y/n so she caved before she even managed to start. She felt like Y/n’s marionette, however, she was fully aware of how she was controlled and bent to her master’s every whim and desires. 

“Hey–” She clicked her tongue and grabbed hold of Y/n’s hand, gently pulling the girl over to her. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like your feelings aren’t valid, they are and always will be.” It came with ease, to give into Y/n came naturally to her as she pulled the girl to sit down beside her on the couch. “I shouldn’t have said that.” She continued, being okay with being wrong as long as Y/n was there.

Y/n couldn’t determine whether or not she liked that Aeri gave in the way she did. She expected her to fight, to drill on until Y/n couldn’t defend herself until she was destroyed. No matter how much her mind told her to run, her heart melted as she got pulled into a hug. It was an embrace she had always needed from someone who was more than a friend, even if it was scary it was comforting. 

It was hard to distinguish whether it was excitement or fear that she felt at the moment, but she loved the feeling. She loved Aeri.

Aeri rested her chin on Y/n’s shoulder, pulling her closer at the tickling feeling of the girl’s breath hitting her neck who ended up in her lap, sitting sideways. Her eyes glanced down and she intertwined her fingers with Y/n’s, caressing the smooth skin with the tenderness she had for her. This was all she wanted.

“I love you, Y/n.” She reminded her that all that she did in the end was love and care for her. 

It followed with a small silence as she stared ahead at the empty wall, she wasn’t worried because she knew where Y/n’s heart lay. Not necessarily fully in her hands, but she could touch it with her fingertips and feel its pulse. 

“I love you,” Y/n loved her even if she had yet to fully trust her. 

Aeri lifted her chin as Y/n pulled back and she looked up at the girl in her lap, her hand caressing the small of her back. It was these moments where there were cracks in Y/n’s walls and it made Aeri’s heart speed up at the vulnerability she could see in Y/n’s eyes. It sped up because of the relief knowing it was possible to delicately get past those walls, but it also sped up in fear; knowing it was only a matter of time before that one step forward would end up with ten steps back.

She untangled her fingers and moved her hand over to Y/n’s face who this time didn’t pull away, but leaned in as she pushed aside her hair before cradling her cheek in her palm. Their eyes met, Y/n’s fingers fiddled with the baby hairs at her nape, her arms loosely around her shoulders. 

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” She asked, not wanting to feel her chest tighten at the girl turning her cheek again. Her eyes glanced down at the full lips, the girl’s tongue coming out and poking at the corner of her glossy lips. 

A mere ghost brushed past her lips when Y/n leaned closer before letting Aeri close the little space left between them. Y/n couldn’t deny that she loved how Aeri kissed her, how she held her, how she took care of her, and how tender and filled with love it all was. She loved how it made her heart go into a crescendo. 

Yet Aeri cared too much—she had always been caring and it wasn’t obnoxiously so, but giving an abused dog a treat won't make it trust the person, it won’t probably touch it in fear that it is used to deceive to be able to hurt it after. It made the treat it so much wanted turn obnoxious.

She traced patterns over her back as they pulled away, fingers playing with Y/n’s hair as she admired her face from close, missing her girlfriend because she never felt like she truly got her. That distance strained them and made it difficult to stay warm in the cold. 

“I just want this to work out.” It was a small whisper as if saying it too loud would harm them, but it harmed everything anyway. She could feel the mood shift in how Y/n’s body got less relaxed in her hold. 

“It is working out, there’s no need to bring it up,” Y/n argued, liking it when they were like this. When they were in a spot where she could have Aeri right there whenever she wanted, but also put space between them whenever she wanted. It had worked so far; at least Y/n liked to think it did because it worked for her. 

She wasn’t selfish enough to not notice that it was only working in her favour, that Aeri always gave in while suffering. However, she had been selfish enough to keep at it; to fill her needs and then disappear when Aeri offered a bit too much and she knew that she had to give something in return. To let her guard down.

“You’re choosing ignorance, Y/n. I don’t want that.”  It was hurting Y/n as much as it did Aeri who didn’t want the girl to hurt when they chose ignorance. Aeri frowned and Y/n was slipping through her fingers again and the heat turned into cold as the girl moved away from her. She watched Y/n who placed her head in her palms, elbows resting on her knees while she took deep breaths. 

“Why can’t you just choose to be ignorant for once too?” She wasn’t taken aback when Y/n snapped at her. The warmth was gone from her eyes and they were once again filled with that vacancy and anger to this time.

She knew where this was heading. ‘It’s not because you mess up that she distances herself, it’s because you don’t.’ She was aware of how Y/n always twisted everything until Aeri was stuck in a corner where she could only mess up because of the pressure of being put in that situation, to begin with. It was draining her; how long could she take this? How long could she put up with it out of pure love?

“Why do you always have to make things so complicated for no reason?” Her girlfriend continued as she looked at Aeri in disbelief.

It hurt when she only wanted the best for Y/n, for them, but maybe she didn’t know what the best was. 

“I’m doing it for a reason, I’m doing it because I care about you, I love you and want the best for you, for us and we can’t have that if—” 

Y/n stood up in frustration, cutting her girlfriend off, and not letting her finish. She didn’t know what to do with all that love and care she received so all that she could think of was to turn it away; to block it out. It made everything crawl inside her out of fear and Aeri did everything but understand that.

“What do you want me to do?” The girl exclaimed, turning around and gesturing with her arms that then fell to her sides with a thud. The anxiety was filling the room from the heaving breaths for air, from the way she paced and tugged at her clothes; nothing was helping her grasp reality as the thoughts were getting too overwhelming. “I can’t help that I don’t want to jump into your open arms no matter how much reassurance of a safe fall I get. It doesn’t work like that, Aeri.” 

Aeri’s love and care were overwhelming and Y/n hated that she couldn’t appreciate it the way it should be appreciated. She loved that she got it, but hated it once it lasted a second too long because she felt how it slowly melted everything she had built over the years.

It had been a year of Aeri standing with open arms. Her world felt like it was falling apart, but her desire and love for Y/n stayed strong and it was the only thing keeping her together. Trying to save Y/n was killing her and soon enough it would be too late and she would fall into Y/n’s burning world and end up just like the girl.

Love was worth the sacrifice.

“It doesn’t work like this either!” Her voice went up and she never raised it, Aeri never could when it came to the girl in front of her, but she was desperate. Her hands clutched onto the material of her jeans as she stared up at Y/n with tears in her eyes. It was frustrating as she was trying everything and kept being proven over and over that there was nothing she could do. 

Yet it wasn’t enough to stop her from trying.

“I get that it can be hard to trust someone, Y/n.” She calmed her tone, huffing as she leaned back against the couch and took in a deep breath to stop the uncomfortable prickling in her nose. When did it get so frustrating? Has it always been this draining to be with Y/n? But she loved her. How hard could love get at this point? 

It went silent aside from Y/n’s anxious pacing, which was anxiety-inducing for Aeri, it was silent. Aeri stared down at her lap and she could feel how the tears were floating in her eyes. She was ready to start grieving the loss of someone who she still had; she had already started crying because she knew that she lost Y/n once again. 

All she wanted was Y/n. Her fingers were restless as she pulled on the material of her bottoms, pouting, pursing her lips, huffing, blinking, swallowing (with pain), and clearing her throat. She was doing everything to not cry; it would only scare Y/n away further, wouldn’t it? To show that she meant so much that she could make Aeri cry. 

She could suppress it; just for Y/n. 

She could fix it. Fix them, fix Y/n, fix herself, and overall fix everything. There was a lot of fixing, but there was still enough left of her to do it, she could use whatever energy she had even if it would end with her collapsing from exhaustion. She would give her every drop for Y/n.

“But why can’t we just try to make it work.” She mumbled and with the words dropped tears, and with quick reflex, she caught them with the sleeve of her jacket and snivelled. It was choking her, the way her heart pushed to her throat and left it to hurt, it all hurt and left a faint tremble. Aeri looked up at Y/n, her vulnerability was something she couldn’t hide unlike the girl in front of her who stopped at last. 

Was it wrong to cry because she felt bad for Y/n? The girl didn’t deserve to be in pain behind all those walls in her opinion. Y/n wasn’t doing anything wrong even if it seemed like it; she was just badly hurt and that wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t want to be hurt again. 

It wasn’t Y/n’s fault that it was hard to go back to the person she used to be, knowing that that person she used to be had died at the hands of someone who wasn’t deserving of Y/n. Someone who wrecked her home and set it on fire.

“It is working until you bring it up.” Y/n knew how to suck her tears up as her gaze bore into Aeri’s soul, the tears from her girlfriend a sign of the drainage she caused. It wasn’t intentional; it tore her knowing that she was breaking Aeri’s heart, someone she loved, but she had to put her heart first. 

She had learned that love wasn’t worth putting first.

Aeri exhaled, wiping her eyes again, using her sleeves while barely shaking her head. “It’s not working and this is the proof, Y/n. We wouldn’t be arguing about it if it all was fine. You said it yourself that you’re being ignorant. I’m willing to take it slow, I want to help you, but I can’t when you close off.” Even after all this time–a year–she was willing to give it more time. To give Y/n all the time she needed.

“I don’t need your fixing, Aeri. I’m fine with the way things are, the way I am.” Y/n bellowed with anger, too stubborn to change her ways, too stubborn not to put herself first despite wanting Aeri. Too stubborn not to put walls around her heart no matter how much it tried to beat free from the chains just for Aeri. It was a conflict she was facing; not with Aeri, but with herself.  

“You’re obviously, lying–” Aeri knew Y/n enough from the outside to know, but she had taken in as much as she could from those small cracks that could at times appear in Y/n’s walls. It was enough to let her know that Y/n wanted to love but was scared. 

“I’m not lying, I’m–”

“Yes, you are! You get defensive, you close up, and you ignore me. How is that fine to you or me?” Aeri exclaimed, abruptly getting up from the couch with a harsh wipe to her dewy eyes that couldn’t help but shed at the discomfort of her heart aching. 

Y/n scowled, gripping onto the sleeves of her sweater. “I’m done.” She stated the words firmly and her jaw clenched to the point where it hurt just to not tear up.

However, Aeri wasn’t done, she grabbed hold of Y/n’s closed fist, but with tenderness, because despite the anger there was no room for brutality in her love for Y/n. There was no room for hurt, however, it was harder than it sounded to prove it to someone who had only seen the love that came with nothing but havoc and brutality.

“You always are when it gets hard yet it’s fine the way it is?” 

“Fuck off, Aeri.” She exhaled as Y/n left her hold, leaving her to silently wipe at her tears in the now-empty room. Those tears that she would be wiping for the next few days if not weeks. There was no one else to do it for her. No one to mend her heart because even if Y/n left, it was still with her; aching at the distance that made her feel weak and sick.

Aeri didn’t say more, she didn’t do anything more, she didn’t chase, not at the moment; this wasn’t the first time Y/n was done with her. It was an endless cycle with her girlfriend–temporarily ex-girlfriend now–and she knew that she had to wait a few days or weeks until she could pull Y/n back in and show her that she loved her, that there was love for her, that it could all work out if she let Aeri in.

She was, in the end, willing to sacrifice for her love. 

masterlist

[veronicaphoenix]

the last song | n.s.

With the new album finally completed and a new song dropping in a couple of days, Noah takes his girl to the studio, hoping to show her around without the chaos of past recording days, and maybe, he can get that last song he's been dreaming of.

one shot ✨ | noah sebastian x fem.reader word count: 2.3k tags: established relationship, fluff, fluffy sexual content (it's not too explicit), reader has a slight kink for noah's silver chain (who doesn't, let's be honest), no trigger warnings, just noah being in love and being loved back.

The studio is finally empty. 

After weeks of relentless work and dedication, days blurring into nights, headaches, frustration, last-minute changes, and ups and downs not only in the sounddeck, but also in the mood of the whole team, the album was finally ready, and in a matter of days, new music would fill spaces beyond the studio’s confines.  

         Noah steps aside to let her in. She is enveloped in the grandeur of the space. Never before had she been in a recording studio, and its magnitude overwhelms her. The expanse stretches out before her, a labyrinth of hallways leading into rooms of creativity. There are framed records adorning the walls, a testament to the artistry that thrives within these walls. This feels like the type of place Noah would call home. Too bad she hasn’t fully realized yet that his home is her,no matter how many hours he’s spent away from her locked in this very right place. 

         While she is fascinated by the array of instruments, cables, and other things she doesn’t know the name of, it’s Noah himself who captivates her the most. His joy is palpable as he gives gently explanations about the use of each room, each instrument. His enthusiasm is infectious. He’s so eager to share his world with her. 

         This is one of the reasons why she’s so in love with him. 

         His passion. 

         And she is lucky enough that he’s equally passionate about music as he is about her. 

         Taking her hand, he leads her from one room to another, continuing his explanations and sharing curiosities about this and that, mentioning the guys, the places where each one usually sits while they review the recordings, the Starbucks cups that pile up in the corner of a table when they’ve been locked in there for twelve hours and start to suffer the effects of not seeing the sunlight or hearing the sounds of the outside world, anecdotes that ignite her laughter, a sound that makes Noah’s heart flutter. 

         She asks him about the new music, she pleads to hear at least one song, a piece, ten seconds. Nearly begs him. She knows she just has to utter the word “please” and Noah will give her anything she wants. This evening, she wants to hear the melodic cascade of his voice, get lost in the way Noah turns words into dreamy melodies. It’s not enough to hear him speak; she wants to hear him weave words into a song; she wants to drown in the melodies he has put into lyrics that speak of her, of the moments when they are stripped of all mundanity, of clothes and fear, when they are alone, skin to skin, and when all that can be heard is only the rhythm of their beating hearts and the symphony of their shared passion. 

         He insists he can’t. He wants it to be a surprise. He has hopes that when she listens to the album, one or two songs will get her on her knees, while others will lead her to beg him to fuck her to the cadence of those. 

         Embedded within the lyrics of the new songs are a few confessions, but there’s a time for those to reach her ears, and it’s not tonight. 

         He silences his phone and sets it aside while she occupies herself by tinkering with the buttons on the soundboard. A few minutes later, Noah sneaks up behind her, enveloping her in his warm and slipping his hands beneath the fabric of her white t-shirt.  

         “There’s actually... one last song missing,” he murmurs against the fragrant scent of her hair.  

         “One last song?” She asks, her curiosity piqued. She begins to turn round, but Noah holds her in place. He rests his head on her shoulder, and with a trail of his fingers along the curve of her stomach, he elicits a subtle shiver that she tries to ignore. “I thought you said the album was complete, that you had finished...”

“Not quite yet,” he replies, planting a ghostly kiss on her earlobe. 

         She can sense the cool, minty breath against her neck, and it sends a shiver down her spine. He has been indulging in a mint candy, and her mind wanders to the tantalizing thought of having his mouth between her legs at this moment. The idea of that refreshing sensation sends a rush of desire coursing through her veins, and she can’t help but wonder if it would be enough to push her over the edge. 

         She smells of jasmine and the promise of spring. He wants to inhale her, breathe her in.  

         Concerned, she wriggles in his embrace until she can face him, stepping back a few paces as she speaks. She wants him to take her seriously.

         “I didn’t know, Noah. I wouldn’t have asked you to bring me here if you were still in the middle of—”

         With a single step, he reaches her again, his smile widening at her endearing bewilderment. He captures her lips in a kiss, stealing her breath away. The taste of the candy is still on his lips, and his fresh breath enters her mouth as their lips part.

         It’s in the way their mouths fit together that she finds reassurance that they’re perfect for each other. She knows she’s found the boy of her dreams, and the mere thought of being apart from him feels unbearable. She doesn’t know how she will survive next time he goes away on tour. For now, she will live in the way his tender kisses have a way of evolving into passionate bites that ignite a delightful flutter in her stomach. 

         “You’re adorable,” he says over her lips. 

         For a moment, she feels dizzy. Then, with a determined frown, she grabs a handful of Noah’s black hoodie, attempting to appear assertive, though to Noah, she resembles nothing more than an adorable kitten.  

         “You told me the album was complete, that you would only bring me here once the work was done and this was empty so that you could let me explore and touch things and…”

         “And record the last song,” Noah interjects calmly, looking into her eyes, smile tugging at his lips.

         Her brow furrows even deeper, her head tilting slightly to the side as Noah’s gaze traces the contours of her face, his eyes filled with admiration for every freckle, that little ever so tiny scar earned in a childhood adventure, the faint blush spreading through her cheeks.  

         “Noah, I don’t understand.”

         “Let me show you…”

         With her skin already responding to the anticipation, Noah’s hands find their way under her t-shirt, caressing the skin of her sides. It’s always just one touch and she’s already putty in his hands. She can’t help it; the man has that effect on her, that power over her. She would give him the world if she could because no one ever makes her feel as cherished as he does.  

         So, when he gently lifts her t-shirt, after worshipping her with light, seductive kisses along her neck and jawline, she allows him to undress her. His lips touch her shoulder, his tongue tracing a slow path until it finds the pulsing vein of her neck. A sharp intake of breath escapes her lips as he tenderly sucks at her skin, his fingers expertly finding their way beneath her skirt and underwear, eliciting a low, sweet moan from deep within her.  

         It’s the first of many moans to come.  

         Noah smiles against her flushed skin. His cock twitches. His heartbeat races.  

         The music is playing now. 

         He showers her with kisses, his hand cradling the side of her face as he traces a line with his finger from between her legs, through the valley of her breasts, up to her clavicle. 

         Growing impatient, she tugs at his hoodie, and sensing her urgency, he assists her in removing it. Underneath, Noah wears a black tank top, and her eyes immediately gravitate to the silver chain adorning his neck, previously hidden by the hoodie. With a heated spark in her eyes, she hesitates for a moment before seizing the chain and pulling Noah down to her awaiting mouth. 

         With one hand clutching his chain and the other sliding to the back of his head, she revels in the sensation of his soft hair sliding between her fingers. He emanates the intoxicating scent of masculine perfume and tastes like pure adrenaline—a potent combination that renders him utterly irresistible. He’s as addictive as a man can get. He’s tall, muscular, handsome, and fucking sweet. 

         And best of all, he is hers.  

         Noah scoops her up, intending to place her atop the sound deck. It would be a great place to fuck her on, but he quickly realizes it wouldn’t be comfortable at all, and he doesn’t want her to get hurt. 

         He pivots towards the couch—a place where he had envisioned her countless times before… Sitting there with pen and paper, crafting songs about her, he had often pictured her naked form, her eyes shimmering with anticipation, beckoning him to find his place between her legs, to envelop her with his body, to fill her up with every inch of him.

          With care, he lays her down on the couch, positioning one knee on the cushions to remain close to her, determined to prolong their kiss for as long as possible. He doesn’t think he can breathe without her nearby. 

         She is never shy when it comes to showing how much she wants him, how much she needs him. She’s unapologetically about her desperate desire, and that’s something that drives him to the brink of madness. Her eagerness only serves to make her so fucking attractive that he thinks he could eat her up. He’s consumed by that need, to bite and taste her in a surge of primal instinct, yet he manages to maintain a sweet and seductive demeanor. She brings out both the beast and the tender lover in him, and somehow, it’s a harmonious blend that feels inexplicably beautiful. 

         With each touch, nibble, and kiss, her passionate responses start escaping from her lips, wet with lust for him. Their clothes disappear in a matter of minutes, and as Noah finds himself —and his skilled tongue— nestled between her legs, savoring her essence, and impregnating her with his fresh minty breath, the symphony of his name being carried through long feminine moans fill the studio walls in ways he could never have imagined. 

         But it’s when he’s buried deep inside her that the music truly comes alive. 

         Together, they create a melody of ecstasy, Noah playing her body like a virtuoso, eliciting the perfect notes and sounds with each touch, kiss, thrust. She’s a tangled delicious mess beneath him, but every whimper and sigh and plea for more is a testament to her trust and love for him, a hymn sung in the throes of passion. 

         Occasionally, a primal growl escapes him, the beast within yearning to be unleashed, but she, the angel, the muse,keeps him grounded, wrapped in her wings, guiding him along the lines of their shared musical score. 

         As their bodies glisten with sweat, the tempo of their lovemaking begins to slow, descending from its crescendo, their ragged breaths filling the remaining spaces of their song. She smiles against his cheek, nuzzling her nose against his skin. She holds him close, unwilling to let go just yet. Unwilling to ever let go. 

         “So?” She murmurs, teasingly playing with her teeth on Noah’s earlobe.

          He squirms in an attempt to escape her, but her teeth follow him, leaving him with no choice but to retaliate by biting her shoulder and descending to capture on of her nipples in his mouth, coaxing one new sound from her lips. 

         “So?” he repeats, mumbling between clenched teeth, his tongue teasing her hardened nipple. 

         “Did you record the song?” she asks playfully, gesturing with her eyes towards the sound deck. 

         “No. No, I didn’t,” he admits with a laugh, feeling himself softening inside of her. 

         “Oh, well…” she licks her lips, pretending to think of what to do now. The weight of Noah feels so nice on top of her that it would be enough to just keep on holding him. “What are we going to do about it?” she continues. “Any idea?”

         She does have an idea. 

         Her cheeky tone catches him off guard, and this time, it’s him who frowns as he gazes up at her. His chest and stomach press against hers, and with each laborious breath she takes, he feels the rhythmic rise and fall of her body beneath him. He considers moving, but before he can act, she wraps her leg around his, anchoring him in place.

         She bites her lip, tempting him to do the same; to lower his head and kiss her and bite her and leave her breathless. 

         A second later, she reaches down towards her bag on the carpeted floor beside the couch and retrieves her phone, unlocks it, and opens the voice recording app. 

         “Maybe we should try again, don’t you think? And perhaps we should try to be… a bit louder?”

         His eyes darken. 

         “Think you can do that?” she asks him, a devilish smile painted on her face. 

         “I can definitely make you sing louder,” he growls, feeling himself hardening once more while still inside of her. His home. 

         She has a way of provoking him that never fails to get him hard anywhere, anytime, in no time. 

         “Do I… press play now?” Her fingertip hovers over the screen. 

         Noah responds by pulling a few inches out and thrusting hard into her, their bodies moving in perfect synchronization against the worn fabric of the sofa they are laid on. She lets out a scream as her fingertip presses the play button. The phone falls with a thud on the floor. 

         And with that, they’re making music once again. 

         One last song. 

         One more time. 

         Louder. 

[moonstruckme]

In a week-

Hear me out: Rockstar Poly!marauders and Rockstar!reader???? Like, maybe no one knew the marauders was dating reader till they performed together for an event?????

Thanks for requesting lovely!

join the party

rockstar poly!marauders x rockstar!reader ♡ 1k words

The tabloids had started speculating when too many of your tour dates lined up. It’s only natural that you’d end up spending some time together, in the same occupation and occupying the same spheres, so you were seen with each of the boys at various eateries, at afterparties, on the street. The only problem for journalists was, they couldn’t figure out which band member you were dating. 

They were clutching at straws. A picture of you grabbing Remus’ hand to pull him into a store, an interview wherein Sirius had complimented your new single, a zoomed-in video of James carrying four coffees back up to the hotel instead of three. The speculation was all over the place, scattered and nearly baseless. 

Not after tonight. It had been Lily, the Marauders’ manager, who’d had the idea to take this story by the reins. She’d pointed out that fans were only getting more obsessed with the question of which of the boys you were dating, and with both of you releasing new albums soon, it was as good a time as any to capitalize on that interest. Plus, if you did the big reveal before any magazine could figure it out, it’d be your concert that went viral, not their publication. “More press,” she’d said enticingly, “means more people learning your names and listening to your music.” 

You’d thought the boys would be the ones to have qualms. Remus wasn’t the type to enjoy making his private life public (it was more an unfortunate side-effect of his career than a draw) and James always talked about how keeping your relationship a secret made it feel less like they had to share you with everyone else, but in the end, they got on board with Lily’s scheme quickly. You all agreed that someone was going to figure you all out sooner or later, and if your romantic life was going to be broadcast, it may as well be on your own terms. 

Still, that doesn’t mean you’re not nervous. 

“Loosen up, angel,” James says, prodding at your foot with his as you lie on Remus’ chest, picking through his usually well-guarded stash of chocolate. “This is supposed to be fun, remember?” 

“It’s not the show I’m worried about,” you say, rubbing your socked foot along his mindlessly. “I’m excited to play with you guys, I just wish we could do that without everyone making assumptions.” 

Remus hums in agreement, but Sirius makes a derisive sound, turning to look at you from the mirror. His eyeliner is half done, making one eye seem big and dangerous and the other naked. 

“You two are being so dramatic,” he says. “Of course they’re gonna assume, and they’ll be right. That’s the point.” 

You sigh, tipping your head back onto Remus’ shoulder, and he runs his hand up and down your side commiseratively. 

“It’s going to be a great show.” James tries again to lift your foul mood. You try to look less dismal in return. “You and Sirius’ voices go so well together, the crowd will love it.”

“It’s true.” Sirius smirks at you through the mirror. “And later, we’ll go to the afterparty—”

“Do we really have to?” Remus asks.

James looks sympathetic, reaching forward to rub his calf consolingly. “‘Fraid so, love. Lily says the only way to control the narrative is to talk to people after the show. We don’t have to stay the whole time, but we’ll practically be on the clock.”

“Anyway,” Sirius goes on. “We’ll go to the afterparty, and everyone will tell us how cute we are together, and everyone north of the equator will want to be us and fuck us at the same time.” 

You can tell Remus has something to say about that, but before he can, Lily pops her head into the dressing room. “Guys, the opener is finishing up,” she says, eyes lingering on each of your faces assessingly. “Everyone ready?”

“Just a second…yeah,” Sirius says, finishing his perfectly messy eyeliner. “Ready.”

Lily nods before ducking back out, off to go coordinate light technicians or whatever she does in the rush before shows. James offers you and Remus a hand each, hauling you up. You lick your thumb, wiping a bit of chocolate from the side of Remus’ mouth, and he gives you a half-smile of thanks. 

“We got this,” you whisper to him, and he takes your hand, squeezing lightly. 

“I know we do, sweetheart.” 

Sirius is the only one talking as you all make your way to the side of the stage, the crowd cheering loudly as the opening act wraps up their set. 

“Hey.” A hand lands on your shoulder, and you turn to find James attached to it. He’s looking at you with more than the usual pre-show nerves, something more like worry. “Are you really upset about this? We don’t have to go through with it, it’s not too late to tell Lily it’s off.” 

Yes it is, but he’s a sweetheart for saying so. “No, I’m okay,” you promise, reaching up to squeeze his wrist reassuringly. The other band is exiting on the opposite side of the stage, the lights going out. You’re going to be going out there any minute. “I’m excited to perform with you guys, and…and I’m ready to be done with the sneaking around. I’m just nervous, I guess.” 

James slides his hand up from your shoulder to cup your face, your hand still clasped loosely around his wrist. He smooths his thumb over your cheek fondly, eyes gone soft under the faint glaze of adrenaline. “Don’t be, sweetheart. You’re going to do great, and we’ll all be up there together.” He stoops lower so only you can hear him. “Just between us, you and Sirius sound great together, but you can hit notes he never could. They’re gonna love you out there.” 

You grin, and Sirius turns around, eyeing the both of you. “I heard my name,” he says accusingly. “What’re we talking about?”

The lights come back on, and that’s your cue. “Nothing!” you chirp, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the stage. “Let’s go.”

[abiiors]

102 blurbs!!!!

jules at the band’s show after she and matty are properly together and she realizes max is in the crowd

jules and matty and carly and hann double date

jules and matty moving in together

anything!!!

omg!!!! okay okay i love the first one so i'm gonna pick that tihi

there are eyes on her. jules has been feeling it for a while now—not the eyes of people from the crowd or matty's eyes or people backstage. there are eyes on her that don't feel entirely welcome. it makes the hair on the nape of her neck stand straight.

it makes her stomach feel all shaky and weird.

still, jules tries to enjoy the show. it's one of the first ones since the band's debut album has come out and it's all been mental—for everyone, but especially for matty and the band. and while it's been incredibly tiring, jules won't trade this for the word.

not when she gets to watch matty perform almost every night.

every night is a different crowd—a different city in the uk, and shit in two months' time they're even supposed to be in america—a place that jules has never even dreamt of visiting.

the crowd tonight is much like any other—screaming people singing along to the band's songs. but something feels different tonight. jules bites the nail of her index finder and stares at the sea of people.

it's like a kick to her gut then. because there he is—perhaps the only person who's not happy and smiling and cheerful—brooding in the middle of the pit with his eyes trained on jules. there is max, looking at jules with something that feels uncomfortably like hatred.

and now she knows why she felt like she was being stared at.

jules tries her best to ignore it, to focus on her boyfriend and forget her useless, cheating ex. yet she can't help that her shoulders curve inward a little, as if she's shielding herself from max's gaze. she doesn't know why she feels so small all of a sudden. all she knows that one minute she's side-stage and carefree, the next she's stepping away from view.

-------------------

matty finds her minutes after the show ends.

she's by the water cooler, hiding mostly and also drinking the cool water to soothe her now sore throat.

"there you are," he throws his sweaty arms around her, leaning his weight on her, "were we too loud?" matty teases and jules manages a half-hearted chuckle.

"god, i thought i was going to piss myself laughing when that bra hit george, did you see that? and someone threw a whole pack of fags on the stage too, damn!"

he's rambling away, in a happy mood like he always is after a show. jules knows she's supposed to respond in kind. and on any other day she'd happily participate in this. today, however, she wilts at the thought of max somewhere outside the venue.

oh god what if he's waiting for them to leave and to create another scene?! what if he's drunk and looking for a fight?!

"you alright?" matty's voice jerks her back to the present.

"yeah, mm-hmm," she nods, crumpling up the plastic cup and throwing it in the bin nearby. "fine."

"you seem..." he turns her to him. jules lets her eyes linger on his face for a moment. his curls are plastered to his forehead, his pupils are dilated and his lips looks so red and pretty that she can't help but stand on her tip-toes and kiss him.

a moment later matty pulls away and smiles crookedly at her. "can't distract me like that darling. what's wrong?"

she toes the ground for a second and then looks back up at him. "i think max is here."

she sees the shift in him instantly. his warm and huge eyes turn wary and cold. his face turns hard.

"in the crowd?" matty asks.

jules nods.

"and has he tried to..." he lets the sentence trail off, but jules knows what he wants to ask. has he tried to talk to you? has he been a nuisance? do i need to do something about him.

with a rush of affection, jules realises just how much she loves matty. she smiles and holds his hand. "no, no. i don't know though, i'm worried he might be waiting outside to cause a scene or pick a fight..."

"oh, sweet girl, c'mere." matty pulls her into a strong and tight hug. a matty hug—one where he's the only thing she can smell and feel. jules sighs and melts into it.

"don't worry about that alright?" matty kisses the top of her head, "he's a cunt and if he tries something we can take him on. besides he's a little bitch, he's not going to pick a fight when there's four of us and only one of him."

jules giggles. matty's right. max is a little bitch. she feels a bit of ease descend on her. matty's always right. she just needs to stop being paranoid about max.

[noirvette]

WE NEVER EXISTED

[band smau]

[FOURTEEN]

masterlist.

prev. | next.

extra.

note: the black italics is Michael singing. The lyrics aren't in order though haha

"You guys out there don't mind if we play a cover right?" Michael calls out to the crowd. The crowd responds with loud cheers.

The guitar strum of 'Black Hole Sun' by Soundgarden starts to fall over the crowd's ears. The crowd cheers in delight at the prospect of this particular cover. From the sidelines as you watch the band; Graveyard Soldiers, your openers for the night play, you couldn't help but get into the groove of Michael's captivating voice.

"In my eyes"

Michael, last name unknown, he keeps it mysterious like that; is the band's front line singer, and electric guitarist. Last member, and from what Kyle told you was the whole reason this band (Graveyard Soldiers, not your band) nearly didn't happen.

"In disguises no one knows"

Pete Thelman, back up singer and plays the bass guitar, you and him had a fun time talking about what were the best bass guitarists of all time earlier. Second member, he was awkward, but overall a refreshing person to talk too.

"Lies the snake"

Henrietta Biggle, lead guitarist and sometimes keyboardist. She kept to herself mainly, but loved to talk to about music with you and Nichole. First member, she started this band to raise money to help find her missing brother. You remember the day he went missing, your band even helped pitch in with money before.

"Boiling heat.. summer stench"

Firkle Smith, drummer; absolute menace. He was scary, intimidating in a way you'd never thought was possible. He was nice, polite when needing to be but you know what they say about how the eyes are windows to the soul... He was the third member to join.

"Call my name"

From the corner of your eye you can spot Kyle walking over towards you, "They're good yeah?" He tilts his head towards the Graveyard Soldiers.

"Yeah! I'm really loving their style, I've heard their eps and now that they got an album, I'm excited to listen to more of their stuff." You gush.

"And I'll hear you scream again."

Kyle hums and you see his face become more serious, "Stan told me that Cartman's worming his way into causing havoc for you, that true Y/n?"

"Won't you come?"

Sighing, you look away from him and back towards the stage, "I really don't know. Cartman's never really interacted with me too much before, now he's tagging me in an update about his podcast? He even called me like four days ago. I'm sure it was a misclick, considering I say his name pop up for maybe three seconds before it disappeared."

"Cold and damp"

"God I hate him so much. You'd think he'd leave us alone, but he uses our band as a way to gather more fame for himself. Miserable bastard."

"For honest men"

You've never really seen Kyle badmouth anyone, sure for Cartman it's warranted and you've heard of the weird friendship they used to have, before it fell apart suddenly in high school. However it's still a bit surprising to you, seeing as Kyle makes it a point to be amicable towards everyone, even if he's not the biggest fan of them.

"In my youth, I pray to keep"

"It's fine, Kyle. He's a dickhead sure and he's the world's biggest attention seeker but that's all he really is. An attention seeker. No matter what he's going to do tonight, I'm not letting his bad mood ruin one of our best nights."

Kyle sets his hand on your shoulder and squeezes, "If he continuously causes trouble for you, let me know. You've helped me out a lot Y/n, let me return the favor. Besides, beating up Cartman is an easy task, it's refreshing seeing him get knocked down a peg."

"No one sings like you anymore...

Black hole sun"

Kyle removes his hand from your shoulder and you can still feel the warmth of his hand. "Thanks Ky, I doubt I'll need you to go extreme like that but if he becomes an even bigger thorn in my side, you'll be the first to know."

"And wash away the rain"

A bemused smirk dawns Kyle's face, "First? To know? Over Nichole?"

You chuckle, "Okayyy.. so maybe not the exact first, but it's the thought that counts? Right?"

"Won't you come?"

"Yeah, maybe when you're not lying.. miss L/n," Kyle teases,.

Your face holds one of mock annoyance as Kyle teases you and as Graveyard Soldiers do the instrumental part of the song you and Kyle just stand there, looking at each other.

"Hang my head... drown my fear... till you all just disappear"

"They're ending soon, make sure to do your last tune in." Kyle softly says.

"Won't you come"

"Got it captain!" You head further in towards the back to quick test your guitars, leaving Kyle to himself.

"And wash away the rain?"

Kyle turns to the band performing as Michael repeats the last lines of the post chorus.

You had decided to not bother checking twitter nor Cartman's podcast episode during the set change, the whole band decided against it, not for a lack of curiosity, but considering set changes were so hectic. You were curious, the nausea feeling of not knowing the answer to any form of a question of "why" eating at you.

You weren't even sure if Cartman had gone live, you doubted it, the crowd was just having a fun time talking to each other from what you saw when you peeked around the curtains earlier. Some people were on there phones but you doubt it was for Cartman.

In all honesty, you didn't need the stress of Cartman in your mind. What you needed was to give South Park the best god damn show you've ever done. You've grown a lot since your last big performance here, hell the whole band has grown.

So instead of giving Cartman another thought, you focused your mind on the set change.

Set changes were annoying, it's why Clyde actually hated having opening bands or opening for other bands like you have done in the past. Of course, opening bands were good in your eyes, it paved the way to allowing the crowd to experience new bands or genres.

"Dude, where did you put my drumsticks?" Clyde asked one of the stage workers in passing.

"Clyde. They're on your seat on stage." The worker replied, you could hear the disbelief in their tone. You couldn't help but feel bad for them.

With that, the worker left and Clyde was standing there like an idiot, but he was your guys' idiot and you had to let him do his own thing.

However, Clyde had a point to complain, the backstage workers going insane as they try and get everything put together properly did take a toll on you even. The quick instrument check before they were put up on the stage by the stage crew. Lights crew making sure they'd have no problem.

You could see Craig was munching on some crackers, having the time of his life knowing all he had to do was go on stage and take pictures of the band and the crowd and then call it a night.

Beside him, Nichole was going insane on making sure the stage looked absolutely perfect even though it'd be too late to change anything right now.

"Y/n! You don't think the stage is ugly right? I've been staring at this one sheer cloth placement that Craig took a pic for me, bless him, anyhow for like twenty minutes. It just looks off to me." Nichole rushed over to you, a picture on her phone that Craig took.

You look down at the picture, "Nicky.. the cloth is fine, besides Craig took the photo at angle look," You gently grabbed her phone and tilted it to the right, that way the picture was centered.

"Oh thank you, I was nervous that it was off center this entire time, I was about to jump on stage to fix it. Good thing I didn't it was just Craig's poor photography skills."

Craig looked at the two of you with a pointed look of "What the fuck" written all over his face; "You know, how about you guys find a NEW photographer then."

"Nooooo! Craig I'm sorryyyyyy." Nichole drawled. And the two started going back and forth.

Kyle looking lost as he ran out of things to do but you could see stress and worry marks all over his face as he ran through every scenario in which the band suddenly had the worst experience performing. Stan not caring about anything, he was really just taking in everything while he was doing last minute vocal warm ups.

You hadn't bothered to say anything to Kyle as he was trying to do something; not because you didn't want to but because you're not even sure Kyle would hear you. Whenever he got into this stressed manager mode (or as Clyde would call it; normal Kyle Broflovski), he tended to tune people out.

Tweek was playing with Craig's camera, or.. a spare. You doubt Craig would ever let Tweek handle his camera. There were three things Craig loved in the world; Tweek, his guinea pigs, and his camera.. but no matter how much Craig loved Tweek that camera did cost a whole lot.. and it was Craig's profession.

The lights were dimming out.. which meant go time. Everyone else paused and got into show business mode. You shook the nerves out of your body. No matter how many performances you did, you doubt that you'd ever go on stage without some sort of performance anxiety.

"Good luck guys! Have fun out there!" You hear Kyle call out as you all start to head out onto stage.

"You too!" Clyde responds before smacking his forehead with his hand.

From the podcast studio, Cartman and Heidi go live.

TAGLIST: @captivq @kimiesstuff @bwljules @the-cooler-kira @1one1person1 @kenny-the-ken @neenieweenie @n0tangeliccc @frogindisguise @revzxn @mirophobic @gonefiishiing @musiclovebot @bootsieboo @bonez4brainz @s0l4riss @1996kj @sweetadonisbutbetter @scinclaitnoir @okarigold

[hcneygemini]

𝖝. 𝖆. 𝖓. 𝖆. — the sex was good until it wasn't sentence starters.

A collection of sentence starters from the album The Sex Was Good Until It Wasn't. Not including songs previously released as singles ( they are on this meme ) I also have chosen not to include 15, Lavender Daughter, or BODY due to the heavy and deeply personal subject matter. Please do not add to or claim this meme as your own. Feel free to change pronouns, slightly rephrase, combine, or shorten as needed. Some lyrics have been changed to better fit rp purposes. tw: toxic relationships, brief suicidal ideation, religious stuff ( mostly blasphemous lmao ), some violence mentions, & implied cheating.

LIP SERVICE

you can't hurt me any more than you have already.

it's taken everything in me not to be petty.

what once was easy is now feeling pretty heavy.

waiting is romance until [ they ] are never ready.

i get next to you and i still get nervous.

my stomach dropped when you said "i don't deserve this."

i don't deserve this.

"it's just not like you," is what i tell myself, but how could i know that?

i guess it's true love 'cause you always come right back.

a liability is what you lack.

i don't wanna know that.

you talk of timing, like our planets just aren't aligning.

you talk of timing, as if we don't have any say in deciding.

you talk of timing, as if my tongue is the only one i'm biting.

you talk of timing, as if i don't have all your confessions down in writing.

yeah, it's the timing.

i can't let you lie to me.

i don't know who you're trying to be.

i didn't wanna up and leave.

i knew you wouldn't stay with me.

i think about you all the time.

we thought it would, but it never died.

my guilt is who i sleep beside.

i wonder if you're warm tonight.

we tried to control all the damage.

you couldn't let go.

i couldn't handle all the doubt in my mind.

all that's left is the hurt where you're hollow.

i wish you'd have saved yourself, 'cause i now i gotta save me.

now i gotta save me.

is there a world where we can make this better?

will i question your intentions forever?

[ Phoebe ] said that it's for the better.

i do what i can to make it last.

i'm scared of how i feel when you talk like that.

can we talk like that?

can we talk?

i would do it all again.

maybe we can try whenever you are able.

i'm not waiting, i'm just sitting at the table.

THE SEX WAS GOOD !

we're star-crossed lovers, but i wanna puke whenever you say it.

you're a little older now.

that's just the hard truth.

you're rocking with the big boys.

you scream your lungs dry.

i'm a sucker for white noise.

where am i tonight?

i guess you'll never know.

you probably won't sleep right.

now i can't think of you, it ruins my whole mood.

i only painted you red out of kindness.

you blame it on your childhood.

i should have left, but how could i?

i guess the sex was good until it wasn't.

i bet it cuts right to the bone.

you wanted a wife and a kid and a life you could control.

i've got unsaved numbers in my phone.

i've got a god-awful tendency to love being alone.

break all my shit!

incite a riot!

go play the victim, babe, i hope they buy it.

dry your alligator tears.

you can't leave 'em here.

you wanted love songs—beggars can't be choosers, dear.

i'm stone cold.

it's fucking tragic.

i never loved you.

i find myself looking back a bit more than i should.

it wasn't all bad, but it wasn't that good.

SICK JOKE

write it in gold.

the ending gets old.

they say you learn to know when it's time to go.

these days i'm talking to myself.

i know what to say now.

is everything i feel temporary?

i'm learning more about myself and it's scary.

won't you let me live right here in the memory?

love me plenty.

take this gently.

leave me empty.

leave me whole.

call it what it is: it's a sick, sick joke.

nobody's laughing now.

i wanna learn to love you, i just don't know how.

i swear i'm really trying, but i'm all worn out.

all that happened hurt me more than i care to talk about.

nothing ever changes, and i'm sick of this town.

will i find it in me to find a way out?

i think i might feel better once i let you down.

we never touched in that midnight glow.

every part of me you begged to know.

i look into your eyes and i see my own.

it's almost like you always knew me—what a horrifying feeling.

you were horrifying.

i only miss it a little.

i don't wish you very well.

you only loved me in riddles.

you still loved me, i could tell.

now you call it a fever dream.

you're only kidding yourself.

i wanna learn to trust you, i just don't know how.

you're no longer a contact.

i'm good on my own, but you already know that.

you swore to be true.

you failed in the moment.

they say it takes two, but i blame you.

i don't know what it means.

someday i'll find the meaning.

the wound still stings.

i kinda like the bleeding.

where'd you go?

you oughta stay there.

i had to block you on the internet 'cause i still care.

it keeps me up at night like a bad, bad dream.

what if i never find someone who's just like me?

our stars never aligned.

we did a bad thing.

i hold on to the grudges.

i wish you held me.

i have an incessant need for a love so all-consuming that it ruins me.

you promised it was real.

i guess you misspoke.

i wanna be merciful, i just don't know how.

it goes against my nature to believe you're bad.

why'd you have to go and lie to me like that?

there always come a point where you have to have your own back.

now's as good a time as ever to learn that.

i'm thankful that i never gave you all of me.

now i get to walk away with everything.

if i linger in your memory, eradicate me!

i never saw you coming, but i felt you leave.

i did my best.

i hope you never find the guts to make amends.

i'm crying to my friends.

i'm plotting my revenge.

all i really wanna know is why would you pretend?

FERAL

i served my head on a platter.

i wish i were dead by now.

what does it matter?

make your amends.

prepare for the slaughter.

the rumors are true.

you're callous and cruel.

that [ woman ] is feral.

they said, "be careful, that [ woman ] is the devil.

even god herself as never known such evil.

i see [ her ] when the lights go low.

i feel [ her ] when i'm on my own.

i do my best work under pressure.

you fight for your life.

for me, it's just pleasure.

blood on my lips looks so much better.

witness my final ascension.

i command your undivided attention.

i'm teaching a lesson.

god is a woman and she likes other women.

does it keep you up at night?

was there something in the light that looks like me?

was it worse than you thought?

are you praying to a god you don't believe?

there's a shadow in your bed.

[ she ] won't leave.

i kinda wish i killed you sooner.

pray to your great empty heaven.

THE KICKER

it's snowing for the second time this winter.

i'm glad i didn't, but i wish i'd kissed [ her ]

i've been contemplating resolutions.

i blocked the user, but [ she ] made a new one.

i'm at a loss.

maybe i'm sick and need an obsession.

maybe it's love and the timing's up to heaven.

if it's as real as it feels, wouldn't you be here still?

ain't that the kicker.

there's a ghost in these walls.

[ she ] says nothing at all.

there ain't a single day i don't feel [ her ].

you're a lesson learned.

i'm one you get to work through.

how dare you say this ain't easy for you.

you get to fall asleep in bed with a [ girl ] who chose you.

i hate that i still wonder if it's what you wanted.

you said you're all mine.

it left me haunted.

if i go crazy, put your name down on the paper.

cause of death: a fucking serial dater.

maybe i'm mixing up all the signs.

you're really not a bad guy.

you could be the one if i just let this one slide.

baby, you're lucky that i'm such a forgiver.

you chose her too.

don't tell me you love me if you don't mean it like that.

you don't mean it like that.

don't tell me you're coming back, you don't mean it like that.

why'd the lord make me such a forgiver?

EARTH EYES

you're got earth in your eyes.

i can hardly survive how you touch me at night.

will you touch me tonight?

will you touch me?

you're all mine.

you kissed and you cursed me.

i spent 7 years trying to prove i was worthy.

i waited for worship.

i waited for madness.

i sat on your doorstep.

i loved without reason.

you loved me in secret.

now that i'm older, i no longer mind it.

it wasn't one-sided.

you tried to hide it.

you wound pretty lies 'til we crashed and collided.

i finally found you.

ALIBI

i don't love [ her ], but i think about [ her ] all the time.

i wonder what on earth [ she ] tastes like.

i've got a hundred reasons why i need an alibi.

i think it's funny.

i can never get [ her ] all alone.

it's all we know.

i haven't been this close to heaven since they shut me out.

i still had blood on my clothes.

[ she ] washed it out.

i know nothing in this world can save me now.

no, i don't love [ her ]

[ she's ] just somehow all i think about.

ain't it funny?

for you, i think i could have been someone.

i hope you know when it's your time to go, it'd be an honor just to offer up a hand to hold.

if i have to wait until our decaying state to be that close to you, darling, it's all i'll do.

i'll be yours forever, if forever will have me.

i'll be yours forever.

4EVER

it's already been 6 months.

i kinda hate how the time just goes and goes.

it feel strange to think about how i used to be somebody you didn't know.

you're the first i always call.

i share my clothes and fears with you.

we know it's something special.

we know we're gonna miss it when we get a little older.

i'm crying on your shoulder.

i think i fell in love, but it feels a little better.

i could stay right here in this house with you forever.

some things are meant to be.

some things are accidental.

you make me believe the world could be gentle.

every minute here i get more sentimental.

you cry in my arms.

i put on the kettle.

we do what we want.

the [ girls ] are allowed.

i had a panic attack, now we're going out.

god, i love the [ girl ] house!

you can brush your teeth while i'm singing in the shower.

i'll follow you wherever.

you make it all right.

home is where i love you.

they could stick us in a movie.

i'd even go to hell if it meant with you.

how'd we get so lucky?

home is where you love me.

we're all just a little bit in love with [ Amelia ].

i'll meet you on the corner.

i'm down in california.

they say talk is cheap.

JANUARY

it's all so comforting, the part of me that dies without you here.

tell me how i'm supposed to stay away for another year.

i don't wanna kill the parts of me that loved you right.

i can't look them in the eye.

i swear i will hate you for this forever.

i never got to tell you that i loved you.

i was blinded by your tunnel light.

this is my town.

honey, it's your wasteland.

i don't think we'll ever talk again.

we couldn't get that right.

i didn't notice the moment you let go of this.

i was all alone in it for longer than i knew.

i knew.

you made the right choice.

i'm second guessing if i ever really knew your true intentions.

you couldn't hold back.

i couldn't learn my lesson.

i kinda hate the silence.

i know what to do with it.

now it's over.

i feel 10 years older, somehow none the wiser.

i do this every time.

i couldn't get that right.

your skeletons, they don't scare me.

i go back to january—in my mind, you wait there for me.

i feel pathetic, insisting this shit's poetic.

i feel you rolling those damn eyes.

i curse 'em all the time.

no, i don't miss you anymore.

i don't want you back in my life, i couldn't live like that.

i'd say i'm happy.

there's still something so daunting.

i never felt the weight of it all.

you came along and took it off me.

i hope you're happy.

i can't look at any pictures, i'm afraid i'll see you with [ her ].

i heard you got that right.

i can't go back, i can't move forward.

i cried all night.

what's that like, being loved by you?

i still talk to you when i'm sleeping.

i call you name just to feel something.

i never learned to let a good thing go.

no, you won't be seeing my name on a phone screen.

you're hoping it's me who caves—well, it won't be!

i needed the time and the space.

i can't recall why it was needed in the first place.

i ain't a killer.

oh baby, i might be.

you're somehow the one i can't leave behind me.

in my mind, you regret me.

do you regret me?

[lovesongbracket]

Reminder: Vote based on the song, not the artist or specific recording! The tracks referenced are the original artist, aside from a few rare cases where a cover is the most widely known.

Lyrics, videos, info, and notable covers under the cut. (Spotify playlist available in pinned post)

Angel With A Shotgun

Written By: Evan Taubenfeld, Frank Sidoris, Chantry Johnson, Joey Thunder, Alex Marshall & Bohnes

Artist: The Cab

Released: 2012

“Angel With A Shotgun” is a rousing love song by The Cab, about a lover’s promise to his/her significant other. This opening track of the band’s sophomore album, Symphony Soldier sets the mood for the whole album.

[Intro] (Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah) (Oh yeah, oh yeah) I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun (Oh yeah, oh yeah) Angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun [Verse 1] Get out your guns, battle's begun Are you a saint or a sinner? If love's a fight, then I shall die With my heart on a trigger [Pre-Chorus] They say before you start a war You better know what you're fighting for Well baby, you are all that I adore If love is what you need, a soldier I will be [Chorus] I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting 'til the war's won I don't care if heaven won't take me back I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe Don't you know you're everything I have? And I wanna live, not just survive tonight [Verse 2] Sometimes to win, you've got to sin Don't mean I'm not a believer And Major Tom will sing along Yeah, they still say I'm a dreamer [Pre-Chorus] They say before you start a war You better know what you're fighting for Well baby, you are all that I adore If love is what you need, a soldier I will be [Chorus] I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting 'til the war's won I don't care if heaven won't take me back I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe Don't you know you're everything I have? And I wanna live, not just survive tonight [Bridge] Oh, oh whoa whoa, whoa Oh, (Oh yeah) oh whoa (Oh yeah) whoa, (Oh yeah) whoa (Oh yeah) Oh, (Oh yeah) oh whoa (I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun, yeah) (Oh yeah) whoa, (Oh yeah) whoa (Oh yeah) Oh, (Oh yeah) oh whoa (I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun) (Oh yeah) whoa, (Oh yeah) whoa (Oh yeah) [Chorus] I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting 'til the war's won I don't care if heaven won't take me back I'm an angel with a shotgun, fighting 'til the war's won I don't care if heaven won't take me back I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe Don't you know you're everything I have? (I'm an angel with a shotgun) And I want to live, not just survive (Live, not just survive) And I'm gonna hide, hide, hide my wings tonight [Outro] They say before you start a war You better know what you're fighting for Well baby, you are all that I adore If love is what you need, a soldier I will be

Dreams

Written By: Noel Hogan & Dolores O'Riordan

Artist: The Cranberries

Released: 1992

“Dreams” was the first single released by The Cranberries after being signed to Island Records. However, the band’s video for “Linger” was picked up by MTV in 1994 while they toured with London Suede and that song reached the top 40 in five countries. So, “Dreams” was then reissued and found chart success. The song was written about “feeling really in love for the first time”.

[Refrain] Oh, my life Is changing every day In every possible way And oh, my dreams It's never quite as it seems Never quite as it seems [Chorus 1] I know I've felt like this before But now I'm feeling it even more Because it came from you Then I open up and see The person falling here is me A different way to be [Bridge] Ah La ya La la ya La-ah-ah [Verse] I want more Impossible to ignore Impossible to ignore They'll come true Impossible not to do Impossible not to do [Chorus 2] And now I tell you openly You have my heart so don't hurt me You're what I couldn't find A totally amazing mind So understanding and so kind You're everything to me [Refrain] Oh, my life Is changing every day In every possible way And oh, my dreams It's never quite as it seems 'Cause you're a dream to me, dream to me [Outro] Ah, la-a-la-ah, la la la La-a-la-ah, la-ah ah ah Ah, la-a-la-ah, la la la La-a-la-ah, la-ah ah ah

[nattinatalia]

Jack Harlow x Reader : Talk To Me

You were supposed to meet Jack at a club he was hosting and performing at in Las Vegas. Everything was going good, you had flown in from your hometown.

Jack had picked you up at the airport, you had breakfast together, and once back in the hotel you two cuddled until he was needed at soundcheck.

You were excited for tonight, you had barely seen your fiancé this whole month so you were looking forward to spending time with him.

What killed your mood was something you didn’t know was bugging you until it happened. So here you were, showered and laying in bed eating a spoonful of Nutella.

You were supposed to be at the club an hour ago, which all you did was text Urban and let him know you weren’t going to make it. That obviously resulted in your fiancé blowing up your phone, in which you didn’t have the energy to answer.

You were deep in thought when the door to the suite opened an hour after his performance was supposed to be done.

“What are you doing back so early.?”

He looks at you confused, “I was worried, you told Urb you weren’t feeling good. You weren’t answering my calls or texts.”

“I’m sorry, I was just here.”

“What’s wrong?.”

You shake your head, “Nothing, just wasn’t feeling the club after all.”

He comes to lay down next to you. “You should know by now that I know you better than that. Tell me what’s the real reason? What happened.?”

You shrug but don’t answer him, you felt a mixed of emotions were about to come crashing down on you.

Jack of course takes notice of this. “Baby, talk to me. What’s wrong.?” He’s brushing his fingers through your hair.

“You’ll think it’s silly.”

He shakes his head. “Nothing concerning you is silly. Now tell me what’s going on.”

You lay your head on his chest, “I got my period.”

He stays quiet for a while, “Um okay? Do you need pain medication? A heating pad?.”

“It’s just- never mind.” You sigh and go to lay down on your side but he holds you to him.

“Were you not supposed to get your period.?”

You shrug. “Carmen is pregnant.”

“Your cousin.?”

You nod, “She told us in the group chat last night.”

“Congratulations to her I guess, but I’m still confused baby.”

“When she sent that text with the sonogram picture, all I could think about was me being pregnant with your babies.”

He didn’t say anything, letting you continue. “When I saw that I had gotten my period, it made me realize how much I wanted to get pregnant. I know you’re too busy right now, working on the album, but I’m barely working and we’ve been engaged for two years.”

“Baby, why haven’t you said anything to me?.”

You shrug “When people ask you about children you always panic or you say you want eight daughters but not anytime soon. So bringing it up was pointless.”

“I panic because I don’t want you to feel pressured. I do want kids with you, how could I not? But I figured you wanted to get married first, so I never brought it up.”

“I do want to get married first, but I wouldn’t mind getting pregnant either, if it happens it happens. I was just in my feelings, it’s probably my period. Just forget I said anything.”

“Babe, this, us, it’s not fifty-fifty. It’s one hundred, we both put one hundred into our relationship. We need to communicate better, if you want a baby or start trying for one, you have to let me know.”

You nod “I just don’t want you to feel pressured that’s all. We got engaged and we’re getting our home built and I know you’ve been stressing with getting it ready. But like I said, I didn’t know I was ready until Carmen shared her news and when I got my period.”

“Are you sure you want a baby? Maybe it’s just the schock that your cousin and everyone around us is having kids.”

That has you pulling away from him and sitting up on bed. “That’s a bit hurtful, I’m sharing my feelings about the entire situation and you’re questioning them.”

“Baby, I don’t want to hurt you, that’s the last thing I’d ever want. I just want you to be sure that’s all. Once we start planning, there’s no going back.”

“I know that, I would never play about pregnancy and kids. Jackman, just say you’re not ready,I don’t know why you keep going back and forth about the subject.”

He shakes his head, “Y/N, if I didn’t want kids I would’ve never proposed. Baby, starting a family with you has been on the back of my mind the moment you said yes to marrying me. I want kids, I want our family, I want all of that with you. I just wanted to make sure that’s all. Plus, I kind of wanted to talk to you about this sooner but I kept putting it off.”

That has you smiling, “You mean that? You want babies with me?”

He nods, “I want everything with you.”

********

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[taracsacum]

I Need Your Love

I've finally finished this fic 🤪 You can also read it here ☺

Warnings: it's 18+ content, please, don't read it if you're a minor

James was awfully irritated lately. Whether it was because of the upcoming album release or the strained relationships with Jason and Bob Rock, Kirk couldn't say for sure. He had a feeling that even James couldn't name the reason for his annoyance. Maybe it was all at once. The tension in the studio had been growing for months. James felt imprisoned by constant criticisms and demands, which had strained his relationship with everyone around him.

Kirk wanted to help him relieve the tension, so he suggested James to go on vacation. Well, technically, it was James who came up with that idea a couple of weeks ago but they were busy that time and soon forgot about their conversation.

So, now, when they had at least two free days, they could afford to spend some time together and leave LA. They definitely needed a change of scenery, so Kirk rented a house near the ocean. It was a beautiful place just a couple of hours from LA. He didn't tell James where they were going since James'd told him that it didn't matter much as long as they were completely alone and as far from the recording studio as it possible. He was tired of constant arguing with Lars, Bob, and Jason and wanted to forget about everything just for a day or two.

Kirk was in a good mood this morning and planned the whole day they were going to spend in nature. He wanted to take James for a walk in Torrey Pines after they'd get to the house and rest a bit from the road. He also couldn't wait until tonight to surprise James with a dinner on the terrace. Honestly, he chose that house because of it's terrace with a long path lit by dozens of small lanterns. They created a wonderful and magical atmosphere so he didn't think twice and booked the house as soon as he saw the pictures.

After taking a shower, Kirk was about to wake James up but he was already awake which surprised Kirk a bit because James hadn't slept well that night in spite of their previous long day at the recording studio. And that was another problem: lately, he suffered from insomnia which made Kirk slightly nervous. He was determined to talk about it but not now, he didn't want to piss James off any more than he already was.

It was obvious that James was still tired but he got up and started to help Kirk pack and get ready for the road. One look at his exhausted boyfriend was enough for Kirk to start regretting the vacation idea. Maybe they could just spend some time at home not going anywhere? He shook his head, throwing those thoughts away, James deserved more than just being cooped up here all weekend.

"You can take shower, I'll pack our bags myself, you know," Kirk suggested James, he looked up at him with slight confusion and gave him a gentle smile.

"Thanks, hon, I definitely need it now, I feel like I'm gonna sleep all day."

"Then I'm waiting for you in the kitchen, when you finish, we'll have breakfast and be ready to go," Kirk kissed James on the cheek and took his guitar case.

At first, he wasn't going to write any new riffs because his main intention was to relax and try not to remember their stressful everyday routine but he knew himself pretty well: he couldn't feel completely relaxed without his guitar, it wasn't necessary to come up with something new, he could just play any song they'd already written. As for James, he was pretty the same, but Kirk decided not to push and let him make a decision whether to take his own guitar or not by himself.

By the time James left the bathroom, Kirk had already packed their bags and made breakfast. He decided to fry eggs with bacon for James and an omelette with tomatoes and spinach for himself.

James didn't talk to him during the breakfast as he was still sleepy, and Kirk didn't get on his nerves with unnecessary questions and only smiled sweetly when James kissed him on the cheek finishing his meal.

In half an hour they were ready to go. James helped Kirk carry the bags to the car. As they packed, Kirk occasionally glanced at James, noticing how fatigue lined his face. 'I wish I could do more to help you relax,' Kirk thought, resolving to make this getaway as peaceful as possible.

Kirk checked the front door and got into the driver's seat. He knew that James wasn't in a good condition to drive and let him rest for a while.

"So, are you ready to go? You didn't forget anything?" Kirk asked him. James nodded and got comfortable in his seat.

"Yeah, I packed everything, we can go."

Kirk started the car and pulled into the driveway. He glanced at his lover who had already closed his eyes trying to sleep. Kirk sighed softly and decided to let him rest since it was a long day ahead of them. Driving away from the city, Kirk couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope. They had a few days to reconnect and recharge, and he was determined to make every moment count.

***

James slept the whole way and only woke up when they pulled up to the rented house. He looked around sleepily taking the view before him. There was a big house behind the high gates painted white on the contrast with bright green grass and bushes. Kirk got out of the car and came to the gates to open them. He needed to enter a code that the owner had told him beforehand, then he could take the keys hidden in one of the flowerpots on the porch and open the door.

Then Kirk drove the car into the yard and closed the gate. By the time he got back to the house James stepped out of the car and started unloading their stuff. Kirk hurried to help him.

Although they didn't have many bags with them, it took a good ten minutes to bring all of their stuff inside and put them in their places. Kirk took his guitar case and duffle bags with his and James' clothes and came into the bedroom. It was large and bright, there were big panoramic windows overlooking the nearby beach, a king-size bed in the middle with nightstands on each side, and a wardrobe in the corner. Kirk liked that room, it was cosy and the bed looked really comfortable. He took his socks off and dig his toes in a creamy beige colored fluffy carpet. Yes, he definitely liked it here.

Meanwhile, James was taking a better look at the house. The living room was spacious with a coffee table and several magazines on it, a big TV on the wall, a bookcase in the far corner, and a large couch with pillows on it. The beige walls, carpet and furniture made the room look pretty clean, almost sterile, and James felt a bit uneasy, he had to control all of his movements to keep that house pristinely clean.

He stepped into the kitchen to put some groceries in the fridge. The kitchen was combined with the dining room and wasn't big but cosy with wooden cabinets and a vintage stove. Soft light coming through the window added a homey feel to the room. He take a look at the dining table and chairs made of light wood, then opened the cupboards to put a pack of tea and some spices there, checked the utensils and made his way to the bedroom.

Kirk had already put their stuff in places and welcomed James with a sweet smile.

"Do you like it here?" he asked him, full of the joys of spring.

"It's pretty… bright in here," James couldn't come up with the better answer so he just smiled and hugged Kirk. "I'm gonna take a shower, it's so hot outside, I feel nasty."

Kirk chuckled and kissed James on the cheek, "Go ahead, I'll change my clothes and make us something to eat."

James sighed as he stepped into the shower, the warm water cascading over his tired body. He let his mind wander, trying to find relief from the swirling thoughts about the album and the constant bickering.

While James was taking shower and resting from the long road, Kirk went to the kitchen to cook lunch. It was simple - pasta with vegetables and tomato sauce. Kirk decided to boil water for spaghetti first and in the meantime started chopping pepper, a couple of onions and carrots. He wanted to fry them first and then to stew with a tomato sauce he bought with the other ingredients beforehand in LA.

Kirk felt a bit anxious given James' reaction to their rented house and lack of enthusiasm. He didn't know how to cheer him up, what to do or say. It was like he was walking on the edge. Kirk took a deep breath trying to calm his nerves a bit. The sound of the knife monotonously slicing through the onions acted as a soothing rhythm. The strong aromas of fresh vegetables filled the kitchen, slightly easing his anxiety.

When pasta was ready, he went to his and James' bedroom to call his lover. James was asleep, and it made Kirk tense because he was worried whether James would be able to go for a walk to the park in this condition or not since it was a pretty long trip. Honestly, if they had to stay at home or just go to the beach, Kirk wouldn't mind but deep down, he hoped to see something new here and share this experience with James.

"James, it's lunchtime, get up, love," Kirk said softly and shook his lover's shoulder. James mumbled something inaudible but woke up. He looked at Kirk with a tint of confusion in his eyes and let out a long sigh.

"I was sleepin' so well," he murmured and closed his eyes.

Kirk didn't give up and patted his shoulder again. He didn't want to be annoying but knew that James had to be hungry and should eat something.

"I know, but it's time for lunch, you haven't eaten anything decent in hours! You can't spend the whole day in bed," Kirk was determined to bring James to his senses.

"Who's gonna stop me?" James scoffed but started to get up. Kirk offered him his hand and together, they made their way to the kitchen.

There was a silence during lunch as there was at breakfast. James was picking at his food unenthusiastically, and that broke Kirk's heart a bit. Yes, it wasn't the best meal he cooked but still, he tried to help James feel better, he gave him his time to relax and do whatever he wanted to, and all of that was for nothing?! He tried not to show his disappointment so decided not to talk either. He knew he wouldn't have been able to hold back sharp or rude words if he started any conversation in the state he was in.

"What are your plans for today?" came an unexpected question from James, Kirk cleared his throat.

"I was planning to take you to the Torrey Pines Park if you don't mind, of course," Kirk answered carefully.

He was aware that James could flare up if he didn't like something. He didn't discuss their trip with him before, and that was a mistake, James could think that this vacation was only for Kirk but it was wrong. James just shrugged and continued picking the already cooled down pasta and vegetables with his fork.

"If you don't wanna go there, we can stay here?" half-heartedly offered Kirk. He started to think that his idea to come here in general was stupid, he couldn't help but blame himself that he pushed James to activities which he obviously didn't like or wasn't ready for.

"Can we?" James asked him hopefully and Kirk already knew what he was going to answer.

"Sure. Anything you want," he smiled sadly and took his plate to put it into the sink. He was going to make some tea when James came up with another question suddenly.

"What are you reading?"

Kirk frowned and froze, not understanding where this question came from. James seemed to notice his confusion and hastened to clarify, "There's a book on the coffee table. It's yours, isn't it?"

"Yes. It's 'The Horla' by Guy de Maupassant."

"Never heard 'bout this book," James admitted. Kirk couldn't figure out why James started this conversation since it seemed he wasn't so eager to talk just a minute ago.

"It's a horror story, you wouldn't like it anyway."

"Mhm, so now you get to decide what I would and wouldn't like," James' voice was raspy and dangerously low, Kirk felt like he was standing in front of the predator who was ready to attack him any minute.

"No, I just supposed that 'cause you're not much into horrors," Kirk didn't know why but he was ready to cry. It was so stupid, James didn't say anything rude or hurtful, but he couldn't miss the slight annoyance in James' tone.

"Oh, you know me that well," came an instant sarcastic reply. And that was the last straw.

"I don't know you at all," Kirk barely whispered and gave up his idea to make tea. He wanted to hide somewhere from James and this stupid argument they had, he needed time to calm down. He was ready to turn around and go outside when he heard a sharp squeak of chair against the floor and then the heavy footsteps. Kirk sadly hung his head, ready to hear the loud slamming of a door, but the footsteps stopped behind him, and Kirk could feel the warmth of James' body.

"Kirk," James called him but Kirk didn't answer. He knew himself pretty well and didn't want to aggravate their quarrel with his harsh rash words. He knew he would regret them later. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

'I don't need your condescension,' Kirk thought but hold his tongue. There were nasty words, sharp like a razor, he could cut their relationship off with this razor for good. He didn't want to.

James put his hand on Kirk's shoulder and turned him around to look in his eyes. There was sadness in them and something James couldn't quite identify. He hugged Kirk squeezing him as tight as it was possible.

"I was an asshole, I know. I just can't stand when someone decide everything for me. I know you didn't mean anything bad, it wasn't fair to spill my anger on you. Don't shut yourself off, please, tell me."

Problems need to be spoken. They knew it like no one else. It was one time when James sad something stupid without thinking and obviously hurt Kirk, but the latter refused to talk about it and almost broke up with James. James had to make amends. And here they were.

Kirk heaved a heavy sigh and snaked his arms around James' waist.

"You made it clear to me that I and everything I do for you is insignificant and unimportant. That you are still separate and I am still a stranger to you."

"Kirk, no," James could hardly breathe, "It's not like that at all."

"OK," was the only answer.

***

"Now it's my turn to take care of you," James told him some time later and took Kirk's hand leading him to the bathroom. He intertwined their fingers feeling the slight tremble in his own, this moment was more than just an act of caring.

He prepared a relaxing bath, cleaning it and filling with steamy, hot water.

"Careful, it's hot," James warned him but Kirk just gave him a reassuring smile.

"It should be hot," Kirk took his clothes off staying stark naked.

"I couldn't find any bubbles or bath bombs, sorry. It's not as romantic as I was planning. But here's some coffee shampoo. It even says 'Vegan Formula'," James chuckled and gestured to Kirk, who playfully rolled his eyes still smiling, to get into the bathtub.

"I'm not a vegan, you know. I bet it smells good," Kirk got comfortable and reached out to James. Sitting in hot water, he instantly felt how his body started to relax and the tension left his sore muscles.

James hesitated for a second but finally took his clothes off and stepped in the tub, getting used to hot water and sitting down behind Kirk.

Honestly, he didn't plan to take a bath with Kirk as it was not for him but only for his lover, however, he could still take care of Kirk by washing his hair. Firstly, he warned Kirk that he was going to scoop up the water and pour it on his head to wet his wild curls. Then he took the bottle of shampoo and squeezed a small amount of it on his palm starting to wash Kirk's beautiful hair. He massaged Kirk's sculp gently, making him moan softly. He knew that Kirk loved when he stroked his hair or brushed it but what Kirk loved the most was a head massage. It made him melt like an ice cube under the sun rays, he became a moaning, completely boneless mess, and James always felt proud of himself for that.

"I want to apologize for my behavior these days," finished washing his lover's hair, James spoke a few minutes later trying to sound confident but his voice was a bit shaky. He buried his nose in Kirk's dark wet curls snaking his arms around his lover's middle and breathed in the smell of coffee mixed with Kirk's natural scent. He loved Kirk's smell: it was sweet and a bit spicy at the same time like that raspberry chilli ice cream he once tasted.

"You know, I'm quite nervous because of the new album and the relationship in the group but it's not an excuse, I know, I just… Dunno, I feel like my life became the endless night, I can't see anything, I can't do anything not being judged by Bob or Lars. It feels like I'm not doing enough for our group, I come up with one riff and Bob says it doesn't fit and I have to try something new, I bring another one idea but he still criticizes whatever I do. I play wrong, I sing wrong, fuck, I am wrong. I know, he's doing his best and wants us to grow, to become something more than we already are, but I can't help but feel annoyed with him, and all of my anger is spilling on you and I hate myself for this because you did nothing wrong, you help me, you put up with me, you're perfect partner and that's another reason why I'm so stressed out. I mean, it's not because of you, no, I just have a feeling like I don't deserve you, I'm always grumpy and rude to you. Look what you've planned for me, and I ruined everything as always…" James' voice was tight like he was holding back tears and that vulnerability wasn't typical of him who usually hid those kind of feelings and didn't discuss them so Kirk tensed up a bit and turned his head to look at his lover.

James was obviously upset and that was no good.

"James, listen, I'm not mad at you, not one bit. You have every right to be nervous, upset or angry, it's OK, I promise. I was a bit sad earlier today, yes, but not mad, I know how much you love Metallica and everything we do, of course it's tough to work with us sometimes, we can be real bitches, I know that," Kirk laughed quietly and lifted his hand to stroke James' soft cheek. "Just don't forget that I always care about you and you should too. Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing great, but sometimes even Mighty Het needs rest."

"Thank you, babe, I don't know what I'd do without you," James wanted to say more but couldn't find any appropriate words, he was overwhelmed with feelings he felt for Kirk so he just pressed him closer to his chest and looked at him. It was a look full of adoration and love, and Kirk understood him without any more words.

Kirk smiled at James and reached for the kiss. James willingly closed the distance between them and softly touched Kirk's wet lips with his. It was a featherlight caress and felt like a gulp of fresh air after a long exhausting day. James felt every movement of their lips, his heart beat faster, his breathing calm and slow as he sank deeper and deeper in that kiss.

He snaked his right arm down Kirk's side, stroked his flat stomach, feeling how his muscles tightened at that touch. Kirk let out a quite moan and opened his mouth slightly, licking James' lips. Although the angle was a bit awkward, given his position, Kirk couldn't break the kiss, he missed James so much, they barely had time for themselves during the rehearsals and recording, and even if they were free after all of this they couldn't find the energy for anything more than taking shower and going to bed.

James sighed and slid his lips lower kissing Kirk's jaw and slowly getting to his neck. Kirk whined when James grazed his teeth over the sensitive skin.

"God, I missed you," James breathed out biting and sucking at his lover's neck and shoulder leaving small reddish marks on them. His arms still held Kirk tightly pressing him closer to his chest.

Kirk turned his head giving him more access, lost in the sensations, he was torn between the strong arousal and tender and extreme love for this man who made him feel secured, desired, and powerful no matter what. He didn't notice how one of James' hands slid down to his inner thigh and started to stroke his smooth skin close to his already hard cock. Kirk shuddered and threw his head back moaning louder and grabbing James' arm.

"James," he whispered leaning on James' chest, breathing heavily.

"What's up? You want something?" James teased him gripping his thigh harder but still not touching Kirk's cock, just accidentally brushing his balls with the back of his hand. Still kissing and licking his shoulder, he moved his other hand to Kirk's flushed chest and squeezed a nipple. The rapid reaction from his lover didn't disappoint him: Kirk shuddered and cried out.

"Wow, so sensitive," James chuckled briefly, impressed by his responsiveness, and let out a hot exhale which gave Kirk goosebumps.

Kirk felt like his body was on fire even though he sat in the water, which wasn't as hot as it was several minutes ago, and going to explode. James' slightly chapped lips, his hoarse whispers, big calloused hands on his tan body touching it's sensitive spots like they were touching the guitar strings, creating the best music in their lives: Kirk's moans and whines, - all of that made him quiver, he wanted more. They hadn't had sex for such a long time that he couldn't wait anymore, he needed James now.

He started squirming and tried to move James' hand to his aroused cock but James caught his hand and squeezed it teasingly with the devilish smirk on his face.

"Not so easy, babe, I didn't hear you. So, what do you want?"

"James," Kirk whined trying to touch himself discreetly with his free hand but of course James noticed it and stopped caressing him.

"Yes? Use your words, honey, I don't know what you want me to do."

'Such a teasing bastard!' Kirk thought. He was aroused, hot, and desperate but at that exact moment James decided to play his silly game instead of bringing them to the much-anticipated orgasm. He let out an exasperated breath and whimpered not having any strength to wait anymore, "Touch me."

"I'm already touching you. Could you be more specific?" James definitely was proud of himself, Kirk could tell it by his tone. James slowly pinched Kirk's nipple and kissed him behind the ear.

Fuck, he was killing him!

"Touch my dick, god dammit!"

"Now we're talking," James smiled contentedly stroking Kirk's thigh again, then covering his crotch with his big hand.

Kirk shuddered and moaned, finally getting what he wanted so bad. He felt like his body was struck by lightning, it was on fire, and Kirk couldn't help but close his eyes and cry out when James squeezed his balls lightly and swiped his thumb over the head of Kirk's cock.

James kissed Kirk's neck, gently stroking his cock and caressing smooth skin of Kirk's chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat. His own hard-on was pressed against the small of Kirk's back, so he jerked his hips up a bit to get some pleasure as well. Kirk was a moaning mess, he tilted his head back on James' shoulder, his wet wild curls everywhere, and grabbed his hand that was doing its magic with Kirk's dick.

"God, you're killing me," Kirk whined and thrusted his hips upwards trying to get a release as soon as possible. The seconds felt like hours, he was going crazy.

James was squeezing and pumping his sensitive cock with such feverish desire that Kirk couldn't stay still, he writhed and jerked his hips up, he needed to cum, but when he was ready to let himself go, James suddenly stopped.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kirk was mercilessly snapped out of his pleasant haze, so he didn't think twice before asking this question with a hint of frustration in his voice.

"Stand up," was all James answered. He definitely had something on his mind, Kirk could tell it by his playful smirk and gleeful eyes, so he did what he was asked for.

James stood up next and turned Kirk to face him, pressing him back to the wall. The tile felt extremely cold after the hot water and warmth of James' chest, so Kirk shuddered a bit and looked at his lover utterly confused. James gave him a passionate kiss and took their both slick dicks in his hand. Kirk gasped when he felt James' hard-on against his own and nearly lost his mind as James' strong hand started quickly jerking them both off, smearing the pre-cum. He gripped his shoulders trying to stay on his feet and not to fall right then and there.

"Fuck," James breathed out a couple of minutes later and pushed his hips into Kirk's. He was close and Kirk's moans and sobs were pushing him to the edge. He saw how Kirk tensed, then trembled, coming in his fist with a loud cry, he could feel Kirk's warm hand on his own and a thumb stroking the head of his dick and it was enough to bring him to release. He fell forward on Kirk pressing him harder to the wall and came moaning in his ear.

He felt the wetness on his hand, there was a lot of cum since they hadn't had sex for a long time, and James was a bit embarrassed by his fast and intense release. Kirk seemed not to pay attention to it, he was trying to gain his composure back breathing as hard as if he'd run a marathon.

"Fuck, it was cool," Kirk smiled at James who was still trapping him between himself and the wall. James only hummed in response not having any strength to move, think clearly, or talk.

Kirk twisted out of his grasp, turned on the shower, and pulled the plug out of the tub. They were ready to get themselves cleaned up.

***

Later that evening, after having dinner with James, who volunteered to cook it by himself by the way, Kirk told that he had a surprise for him. Yes, he had a bit different plans for their vacation since he himself wanted to make dinner and have it with James outside but he didn't mind giving in to his lover and letting him do things his way. Still, he had a card up his sleeve.

They went outside. The sky was already dark blue but still illuminated by the setting sun on the horizon. It looked like a beautiful painting made by a skillful artist, there were several pink, purple, and orange stripes mingling with the darkness of the inky sky.

Kirk took James' hand and led him to the terrace that was already lit by the little lanterns here and there. But it was not even this magical atmosphere that was to win James' heart, but the huge wicker swing at the back of the terrace under a spreading pine tree.

James didn't expect that Kirk would surprise him more than he already did. They came together to the swing with lots of small soft pillows on it, and Kirk told James to make himself comfortable and relax while he went back into the house and fix them some tea.

"It's a bit chilly out here, you can take a plaid," Kirk gave him a big blue plaid that lay under a pile of pillows.

"I'd rather have you warm me up," James chuckled trying to pull Kirk onto his lap but Kirk just laughed and stepped back.

"Don't ruin my surprise, we have the whole night to 'warm you up'. For now, I have other plans." Kirk winked at him and made his way to the house.

James giggled and threw a plaid over his lap, looking up at the horizon. The sun had already set and the sky became black, so he could see several constellations on it. It was cool and quite out here, James caught himself thinking that he hadn't felt this peaceful in a long time. Sitting on the swing, James reflected on the past few weeks. The arguments, the sleepless nights, and the pressure of the album's release weighed heavily on him. He was eternally grateful to Kirk for planning all of this for him. He was still a bit ashamed of his flash of anger, he knew that Kirk truly loved him and was willing to do anything for him not only because of that comprehensive love but also because of his wonderful soul. Kirk always was a sweetheart ready to give everything to those in need, and James highly appreciated it. So, he knew he shouldn't have acted like a complete asshole and was going to make amends tonight and show Kirk his deep and boundless love.

Kirk came back with two big mugs in his hands. James could smell a nice light aroma of thyme and mint. He took his mug with a big grateful smile on his face and gestured for Kirk to sit next to him. Kirk made himself comfortable and wrapped another one plaid over them.

"Thank you for this vacation, it's amazing even though not everything went as you planned," James said after a few moments of blissful silence. "I shouldn't have reacted like this when all you wanted to do was to help me. I was a complete dick and I'm sorry…"

"You've already apologized to me, remember? Let's just forget about everything and spend the rest of our weekend like we want. What you think, hm?" Kirk looked up at James and gave him the most delicate smile he could manage. He leaned up for the kiss and closed his eyes contently. James kissed his warm lips with all tenderness and adoration he felt for that wonderful man and thanked God for having such a beautiful and caring lover.

"I love you," James whispered breaking the kiss and pulling Kirk closer to him.

"I love you, too," Kirk said softly, then laid his head on James' shoulder and added with a smirk, "Now drink your tea, it's getting cold."

"Yes, sir!" As James sipped the tea, he glanced at Kirk, a soft smile playing on his lips, grateful for his thoughtful planning.

They laughed quietly and finally let themselves relax and listen to the nature. It was a wonderful night. They were young, successful, and loved. Here, bathing in the quietness of the beautiful starry night and their love, they realized that no matter what difficulties they'd encounter later on in their journey, they'd overcome them all. They knew the road ahead wouldn’t be easy, but with newfound understanding and determination, they promised to face it together, stronger than ever.

[sparks9793]

I may or may not have followed up on that idea from Sunday cause the BF was busy tonight 🤭

November 11  

There’s a lot to do in terms of work today. With the impending snow storm on the way, he’s pretty sure his flight to LA will have to wait for at least a day, if not more. The BNA airport is old so when there’s a big storm, there’s a high probability that the lights will go out and it takes hours of maintenance to revive the building.  

He has an interview for a new gig in a few days. It’s a big artist and Taylor wants to be the one to lead her creative process, cause the curly haired man knows, they could be great together. He’s been prepping meticulously for it and has a team to help him get ready for the interview with fresh ideas. Nearly every day since she contacted him, he’s met with either Carlos, Dan or Zac at eleven o’clock to go over the key points of this new album’s vision, what he'd change from her previous work if he was her producer and how they’d put his plans into action.  

The curly haired man’s phone goes off when he’s just getting into his key notes for today’s call with Carlos.  

Hayley arrives at his home studio at ten thirty and sheepishly places a long black gently in front of him. “I know. I’m pushing it with the time. I can tell you’re in a sour mood.”  

Taylor’s feeling a little nervous and trying to avoid caffeine, but he knows how hard it must have been for her to get the coffee, especially with the weather outside. She still has some snow in her blonde hair. He takes the coffee and sip it, appearing disinterested.  

“Did you get me a donut or muffin?”  

“No” Hayley says, grinning, as she pulls out a bag and tosses it onto his desk. Two strawberry donuts.   

“Hmm. Good enough. Sit down.”  

Hayley sits down, fixing her sweater as she does. She crosses her leg over the other comfortably and then rests her hands in her lap. Whenever Taylor sees her, the curly haired man likes to note the differences from the last time he’d seen her. Her under eye circles are still very prominent.  

Blonde hair is still drying from her morning shower, face clean of makeup. Her clothes are neatly pressed, a spark in her eye. He feels proud just from looking at her and Taylor hopes she feels the same looking at him.  

“I’m alright. Got a court meeting tomorrow about dividing our assets. It’s a bit annoying now.” The tiny blonde hesitates suddenly and then leans forward, placing her laced hands on the desk. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I know you don’t have a lot of time, but I’m occupied tomorrow so I’m just going to fit it in now.”  

“Sure. Everything okay?”  

“Yeah. Yeah, no, everything’s good.”  

“Alright. What is it?”  

Hayley opens her mouth and inhales, but then stops. She bites her bottom lip turning it a deep shade of pink. Taylor knows her well enough to be able to tell when she’s stressed and her discomfort oddly eases his thoughts of not being able to read her anymore.  

“I wanted to ask you last time, but I guess we were a little busy” she starts, glancing down at her bare fingers. “You can totally say no because I understand how weird this is and I don’t want you to feel pressured because I’m your friend, but I also want you to consider it, alright?”  

The curly haired man puts the coffee down and reaches for the donuts, taking a big bite. “Sounds good.”  

“Alright, well.” Now she looks uneasy. Takes a deep shaky breath before speaking. “I was wondering if it would be okay to stay with you for a little bit.”  

Taylor swallows the donut so quickly, it goes down the wrong pipe and he coughs a bit and it gives Hayley a look of concerned, her whole face full of worry. With tears in his eyes, he croaks, “Is the little bitch kicking you out of your own house?”  

Her eyebrows shoot up and her mouth curves into a small smile. “What? No. It’s not that. He’s almost fully moved out actually. I haven’t seen him in a while. It’s just that, well, the house is meant for two or three people, you know? So now that he’s not there and Alf’s been staying with mom, it’s just big and empty. And I’m barely there except to sleep. I just… I don’t know. I don’t really want to be alone right now.”  

There’s a deep pink blush over her cheeks, giving her a healthy glow on Hayley’s otherwise pale skin. Her summer freckles are long gone now, but the new color looks lovely on her. “I don’t mind” Taylor finds himself saying, “if you stay at mine for a bit. But it’s a little cramped now that I turned the downstair rooms into my studio, don’t know if there’s enough space for all your clothes”  

“I don’t mind that” Hayley says quickly, sitting up a bit straighter. “It’s not the clothes I’m worried about. I can work around it, it’s fine. I guess I’m more concerned about…”  

“Staying with me” Taylor finishes, putting the donut down. He wipes his hands on a napkin, but chooses to do it under the desk because his fingers are trembling.  

“Yeah” Hayley says sheepishly, toying with the ends of her hair. “I don’t want it to be weird. But I also don’t want to be alone and I’d rather be with someone I know than be alone.”  

This is one of the many times that the curly haired man realizes he doesn’t fully know how Hayley’s been handling the divorce, only because he’s never been through one. Taylor’s been through break ups, the worst one being with the person sitting in front of him, but never a divorce. After all those years and vows and sacrifices. It’s beginning to dawn on him just how lonely a divorce must be. He’d rejected her and the last thing he want is for Hayley to feel unloved.  

Cause she isn’t. In fact, Taylor right here, loves her more than life.  

And not only that, but he knows Hayley’s nature after being with her for so long. Under the hard exterior, she’s a soft soul. Feels hurt deeply.  

Hayley assumes the silence is a sign of discomfort. Immediately, her green eyes widen. “Like I said, you don’t have to agree T. You can even take a day or two to think about it. I’m not…I’m not forcing you. And I know that this is really weird because you’re… you, Taylor. We have history and I’m not trying to open any stitches or do anything to hurt you. And-and you can totally tell me if I’m disrespecting boundaries because I’ve done that in the past without realizing. I just want to be comfortable and I want you to be comfortable, so be completely honest with me. It won’t make me upset or angry or anything, yeah?”  

Fuck, she’s freaking out. he can see the vein in her forehead bulging from lack of air. She begins moving her left leg up and down and it prompts him to do the same.  

“That’s not the problem, Hayles” he tells her sincerely. “I don’t mind you staying with me. I think my concerns are the same as yours, that we’ve lived together before and we’re not exactly dating anymore so what if it’s awkward?”  

“I promise I will stay out of your way and not bug you when you’re working and leave you alone. Like I said, I’m barely at my own place, go the GDY office most days, so I don’t think I’ll be at yours much anyways except to sleep.” She takes a deep, shaky breath. “I’ll pay you rent, T”  

Taylor shakes his head, offering her a smile. “I’m not worried about rent. You don’t have to do that.”  

“Yeah, but if I’m using your house, it’s the least I can do.”  

“You can buy the groceries.”  

“Sure, I can totally–” Hayley pauses, inhaling slowly. “Are you agreeing to this?”  

Having Hayley as a roommate again? He can do that. It’ll only be for a little bit. He can keep himself off of her. I’m agreeing to this, isn’t he? This is a bad idea, but she’s looking at him  like that . Like the first time she really considered they should move in together when they had been dating. Such hopefulness in her eyes. Such excitement and nervousness.  

How could Taylor ever say no to Hayley when she’s looking at him like she’s completely dependent on him? He selfishly wants her to be dependent on him for things like these, but it’s irresponsible of him when the curly haired man’s struggling to take care of himself. Should he be selfish for once and refuse her? Or should they give it a try?  

In the end, the only selfishness that proves to be triumphant is when he thinks about Hayley’s close proximity to him. And the curly haired man  loves the idea of being physically close with her again.  

“Yes” he answers, reaching for his donut again. “We can make this work.”  

Instant relief breaks out onto her pretty face. Her smile is wide and she runs a hand through her blonde hair. “Thank you, T. I promise I won’t get in your way, okay?”  

“I don’t mind” Taylor insists sincerely, wishing his heart would stop acting like it’s about to stop. “I hope your living habits have changed from before.”  

Hayley stands up and shakes her head with a cheeky smile. “They haven’t. At all. You’re a lifesaver.”  

“Don’t come tonight though. I’ve gotta clean up.”  And freak out privately.  “How about the day after tomorrow?”  

“That’s perfect” she breathes, leaning over the desk to press a quick kiss to his cheek. She glances down at her watch at the same time Taylor’s phone’s alarm begins to ring, signaling that he has to call Carlos for their meeting soon. “Thank you. I’ll leave you to your meeting now, but seriously. I owe you a bunch. Bye!”  

And with that, Hayley’s out of the studio and Taylor’s taking a bite out of his donut once more. This is fine, he thinks to himself. Everything is going to go smoothly.  

The curly haired man feels the weight of her lips on his cheek throughout the hour-long meeting. He is a very selfish man, indeed.  

(What do we think?)

[lv3buzzz]

SONG RECS FOR @noctilucaa

w moods

this is honestly no pressure to listen to them all 😭

i just yap w song titles lmaooo

also all my x ray spex recs are valid cus i am the no 1 x ray spex listener on airbuds (i love them)

sobbing my eyes out oh god

~ paper bag - fiona apple

~ waiting room ~ phoebe bridgers

~ your best american girl ~ mitski

~ asleep - the smiths

~ tears over beers - modern baseball

~ brother - gerard way

~ young and doomed - frank iero

~ guilt tripping - frank iero

~ you are my sunshine - frank iero

~ disasterology - ptv

i miss who i used to be

~ sullen girl - fiona apple

~ are you satisfied - MARINA

~ everyone - mitski

~ i know the end - phoebe bridgers

~ all i want is nothing - frank iero

yeah its cool ill be okay

~ joyriding - frank iero

~ all that ive got - the used

~ dear percocet, i dont think we should see eachother anymore- frank iero

fuck this

~ no fun club - frank iero

~ i cant do anything - x ray spex

~ yall want a single - korn

~ break stuff - limp bizkit

~ brackish - kittie

~ garbage man - hole

~ im a mess - frank iero

~ jesus of suburbia - green day (yes the full nine minutes. deal w it 😛)

~ child psychology - black box recorder

fuck you

~ get gone - fiona apple

~ good god - korn

~ father - front bottoms

~ down with the sickness - disturbed

~ good sister - bad sister - hole

~ family jewels - MARINA

~ fantastic bastards - death spells

~ veins! veins!! veins!!! - frank iero

punk/ angry w politics

ik the sex pistols are heavily mainstream so might not be ‘punk’ but they pioneered the scene in the 70s and are style icons

theres more but itll be too much 😛

~ plasic bag - x ray spex

~ carnival - bikini kill

~ rebel girl - bikini kill

~ god save the queen - sex pistols

~ anarchy in the uk - sex pistols

~ holidays in the sun - sex pistols

~ pretty vacant- sex pistols

~ identity - x ray spex

~ nervouse breakdown- black flag

~ ‘merican - descendents

~ blood stains - original version - agent orange

life can be good sometimes

~ when the sun hits - slowdive

~ 1979 - smashing pumpkins

~ malibu - hole

~ half a person - the smiths (dont listen to the lyrics theyre sad but its upbeat and you can dance to it and be whimsical)

~ heaven tonight - hole

~ inbetween days - the cure (i fucking love this song

~ today - the smashing pumpkins

~ lovesong - the cure

~ so real - jeff buckley

yearning/pining?!

~ why cant i be you? - the cure

~ forget her - jeff buckley

~ michelle - sir chloe

~ 8th grade - pencey prep (heavily recommend that whole album)

~ i want the one i cant have - the smiths

~ looking out for you - joy again (pulling out the 2021 songs 🙏)

~ mad as rabbits - p!atd

~ beach bones - more amor, ryan ross (<33 RYAN RODSOKDDODIFUCU)

~ at the library - green day

[superstarcherrycolagirl]

wanted to request a julien baker angst fic if u felt like it :) maybe a fight + reconciliation or julien comforting gf going thru something? tysm

omg anon THANK YOU SO MUCH! i think added way too much angst than you expect (i got so carried away) but i hope you like it :)

you’re losing me

julien baker x fem!reader/ 1.2k words

idea: you’ve been fighting for tjis relationship for so long, that you just can’t do it anymore

tw: angst, fighting, swearing, both are SO TOXIC yikes, crying

note: i’ve been listing to too much of “midnights” and “ttpd”.. so i might have mixed loml + you’re losing me + so long, london (if you squint) SO SORRY YALL AHHH! but yay first julien request EEEEK! i do love my angsty girl so I hope y’all enjoy

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

“you promised you’d be here tonight!” “i never promised anythi-” “yes you did! you promised me that we’d make dinne-” “what the hell are you talking about?” this is what your evenings looked like. fighting back and forth. julien just arrived home from the studio today, and she’s been prickly all night long. and you’ve been impatient.

for months julien was leaving for the studio at the crack of dawn and coming home later than midnight. she would leave for tour for on end months, mores shows being added for her and the boys, and then come back home to do more work. you’ve been barely surviving off of kisses and updating each other on life during awkward phone calls, or worse, conversations with her at home. barely being together is already an tough pill to swallow, and then coming home in a bad mood every time?

you’re tired. so tired.

“i don’t understand why you’re acting like this. i’ve be-“ “i’m not acting like anything! honey you’ve been the one coming home in a shitty mood every single time!” “shitty mood? baby i’ve been working non stop on-” “on the album! the tour! the awards! i know! you’ve been running yourself ragged and your-” “oh my fucking god can you let me speak! christ! i can’t even speak without you talking all over me!” julien raised her voice, her firm and sharp words echoing in your LA home. the words in your mouth got caught in the back of your throat.

you’ve always had trouble advocating for yourself and using your voice to communicate your emotions, to be vulnerable. and julien was one of the main reasons why you could now freely express your feelings. so her yelling at you for just trying to be honest is like a punch to the gut.

your eyes stated to become glossy and your once caught words melted to created a soreness in your throat. you couldn’t help it. you tried to speak, but your words were breathy and dry.

“jules.. m’s-” “no! no you don’t get to fucking cry! y-you don’t get to cry when you started this whole thing! not when i’ve been the one getting out of bed every morning to fucking bring a meaning to my fucking life. i work and work and work until i’m basically killing myself just so that i can continue being there for the people who count on me! for the people who need me!” she’s breathing heavily, chest rising and falling so fast you thought she’d fall over. she’s fuming.

on the other hand your breaths are so slow and choppy, that it’s making your face and nose feel tingly. numb. you aren’t breathing enough, literally. you tried to open your mouth again, but she snapped at you before you could. and this time her words made your heart sink “so don’t fucking complain to me about not being home. you don’t get it because you can’t even get out of bed! you don’t get to tell me that i’m bad for trying to help others like me! who need me! you don’t fucking get it. and you won’t until you get up and out of the house and do something about it!” she said with a final huff, cheeks red and sweaty fists clenched.

silence fell between the both of you. you didn’t know what to say. what could you say? she basically said you won’t ever understand her life because she always needing to be there for others with because of her work. because of her art. she can connect with people and care for the ones who she’s helped. they count on her.

so why can’t you? why can’t she be there for you when you need her.

your ears were ringing, fingers shaking, soul aching. you expected your heart to be pounding outside of your chest, but it wasn’t. you expected to feel your heart beat and scream inside your body from how much you were hurting, but you couldn’t feel it. you couldn’t feel your heart beat for this life, for this love, for her. you couldn’t feel your heart beat, and without that heart beating there was no pulse to find, because that heart won’t start up. and you don’t think it will again.

“i can’t do this anymore julien” your voice broke the silence and filled the chilling air “i can’t keep living like this. i can’t keep waking up every morning and falling asleep every night without your there not know how long it will be like this, not until it’s too late” you couldn’t believe those words were coming out of your mouth, you never expected them to “i gave you everything i had because i thought you cared just as much as i did. you care so much about other people, you care so much to recognize them for who they are. you care so much to listen to them. you care so much to be there for them,” your emotions were building up until you couldn’t keep it in anymore. “i get it! i get it because i need you there too! i’ve been needing you for so long! and i’ve waited and waited and i’ve never complained because i thought that the time would come around where you would just be here! and you know what? it hasn’t happened yet! and i’m so tired!” you’re voice was watering, fighting off the to cry. you took a deep breath, trying to regain yourself enough tk finish “i’m so.. tired. of all of this. and i know now that you’re tired too” you spoke to julien directly to her face, really looking into her eyes for what you think will be the last time.

now her eyes were glossy, tears threatening to leak and stream down her face. she was speechless, feeling like all the life was drained from her body head to toe. how did she get here? standing in the house she built together with you and dreamed of growing old in.. to this? on the brink of losing the love of her life.

“baby..” “..julien” you wouldn’t even call her by her pet names. you couldn’t. you couldn’t keeping holding on when you still feel so hollow. you needed to stop. this needed to stop “i have to go, i’ll.. i’ll call someone to get my stuff out later” you start making your way to the front door “what-no! baby pleas-” she grabbed your wrist, trying to bring you back to her. she doesn’t want to lose you. she can’t. she stopped you just before you reached the door, but you quickly turned to her and placed your hand on top of her wrist “julien you need to let go-” “i can’t let you go! w-we can talk about this. fix us! baby i-i can’t lose you! i won’t!” the desperation in her eyes and pleading cries made you tremble, wanting to comfort her. but you tore her knuckle dying grip off you as you opened the door, looking at her one more time to see the tears rolling down her face. you wanted to run back in and hold her. kiss her. love her. be there for her. be here with her. but you knew that couldn’t happen, because you couldn’t find that pulse between you anymore. it was gone. you had to let her go, because she was already doing so.

“you already did julien..”

I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore.

[struggling-intuit]

bang chan

a DARK 18+ headcanon || of the infallibility of daddy christopher

exo || obsession

wc || 0.8k

warnings || MINORS MAY NOT TRESPASS; femme!reader, dark!mean!chris, arguing, he's disrespectful as shit, dubcon (reader was pressured into consenting), penetration, manipulation, implied misogyny, marking/bruising, ddlg dynamics, forced domestic gender roles, christopher won't stop until you say he's right

A/N: This is a work of fiction. My headcanon has no bearing on the very real existence of its subject. Please skip this reading if you are uncomfortable with any warning found above. Otherwise, enjoy this bit of dark fantasy.

It starts off as a cute little debate.

Then he’s getting up in your space – to hear you better, obviously – making himself bigger, negging here and there, but only because he knows that you know that he’s right. You just like to press his buttons…

But it seems you’ve forgotten that the trophy isn’t supposed to talk back. And you’re starting to get on his nerves.

When he gets mad, he cuts the argument short by leaving. He’s off to work, off to throw himself into his next project, off to get away from you. He’ll stay the whole day, longer if he can, and then come back home convinced that he’s left the residue of his anger in the music.

The next album will be a good one.

Oh, and the fight? He’s over it. He pretty much forgot.

Later, when you’re both lying in bed in awkward silence – he doesn’t understand why you’re not speaking to him – he decides that you’ve both had enough space.

You hear the bed creak, feel him roll into your back and begin to caress you, long fingers pushing up the hem of your pajama shorts to trace lazy patterns on your thigh.

“I’m not in the mood, Christopher.”

Okay. Plan B.

Chris is good at playing dumb, so good that you’ll only realize after he’s gotten what he wants. 

He’ll frame himself as an outsider to your anger, make you feel bad. He got over it already, why haven’t you?

Chris doesn’t intend to manipulate you. He wants to show you his side, the right side. You struggle to understand sometimes, so he’s just helping you get there. And holding onto a grudge like this? You’re better than that.

You can do better. He believes in you.

He wears you down – I thought you were more mature than this; it wasn’t even that serious! – and you give in to him. Of course you do.

You roll over, let him have access to you. His touching escalates.

Channie has always liked to push your limits, but he’s never wandered far from the sweet and loving worship he kneads into you like SPF. A live-in girlfriend deserves no less. 

But tonight? Tonight, he seems a bit more forceful, a tad more aggressive than usual. 

It’s probably in your head. But it’s not.

You see, guys like Chris won’t admit when they’re angry if it’ll make them look like the bad guy. Nobody wants to be a bad guy. Nobody wants to be irrational. Nobody wants to be caught still caught up on a petty argument they should’ve gotten over hours ago. Especially when they were right because right people are famously unbothered.

So he’s not. Bothered. In fact, he’s bothering you.

The problem is that the slightest bit of bother will bleed out, no matter the lengths he goes to in attempt to stuff it back where it came from.

Unacknowledged anger shows up in his personal mundane. Maybe in driving, possibly in chores, probably in sex. His ultimate outlet.

Chris is reckless with you on nights that he’s right. He’s desperate to put you in your place.

Who’s your Daddy?

He’s railing his rightness into you, and you’re worried about the marks he’s imprinting onto your skin: arms, waist, hips, thighs, nothing is left untouched. He’s claiming you. 

There’s no forgiveness here, but he’ll forgive you. Once you’re his.

And as his strokes arc into you, merciless, he’ll finally find the right words.

“You’re not the smartest, you know? Maybe you could work on that?”

He’d come for you with the stupidest, puppy-dog smile, scrabble at your insecurities, nuzzle against your imperfections. But only because he’s looking out for you. You’re his baby.

After it’s all over, after he’s finished, he’ll kiss you so softly on your pretty little forehead, roll back over onto his side of the bed, and fall asleep, satisfied.

Morning comes, it’s water under the bridge. That’s what he says, but don’t expect him to pull his weight around the house for the next few days. You’ll be cleaning up after him until you learn your lesson.

He’s teaching you to respect him, be deferential to him, have devotion for him. He’ll oversee your studies carefully, a hawk in his own right. 

Don’t be surprised when he looks over your shoulder as you scrub dishes or appears in the doorway to watch you fold laundry. He’s doing his job, just like you’re doing yours.

Why that smile? He’s grinning because he’s proud of himself. This was a formative experience, no apology necessary.

Christopher is the sweetest, though. He’d never do it on purpose.

click here for main masterlist

and here for skz masterlist

fluff with channie is an ask away :)