#those are my emotional support toxic besties that only i understand

[roseworth]

Jason was pretty sure Rose was a bad influence on him. He rarely ever drank if he wasn’t with Rose. 

Then again, Rose rarely ever killed if she wasn’t with him. So he was probably a worse influence on her.

“’m not even drunk,” Rose slurred, hands fumbling for her drink. “You’re the one that’s drunk.”

“No ‘m not,” Jason muttered. “Not even feelin’ anything.”

“Liar.”

“Yeah.”

She took a long drink from the can, then dropped it on the floor. He felt like the room was spinning as he watched the can roll away from them. She lounged down on the couch, laying across his legs with a grin. 

“That was my… eighth drink,” she announced proudly. “How ‘bout you?”

Jason looked at his can. He was pretty sure he was working on his fourth, but he was already nearly as drunk as her. “Dunno,” he answered. He leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling, listening to the sound of Rose cracking open another can.

“You… you should slow down,” he said. “Not good for you.”

His concern was rewarded with a pillow thrown at his head. “What are you, my mom?”

She laughed at her own joke. He laughed, too. It wasn’t very funny.

“You wanna hear somethin’ funny?” Rose snickered, her voice lowering like she was telling a secret. “Slade doesn’t know sign language.”

“That’s not funny,” Jason replied.

“I know. Pisses me off,” she huffed. “He’s the reason Joe can’t talk, and he… won’t even learn how to listen to him.”

Jason grunted in response. Rose took it as an invitation to continue her drunken ramble.

“I think he… he doesn’t love me,” she mumbled. “Or Joey. Or anyone. He loves the idea that he’s capable of love. But he’s not.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” She sat up quickly, then her head immediately fell onto his shoulder. “Your turn.”

“What?”

“It’s opening up time. Your turn.”

Jason snorted. “I don’t remember agreeing to opening up time.”

“Too bad, ’s happening,” she said. “Gimme a Bruce secret.”

“No secret to tell,” he said. “He’s an annoying, self-righteous cunt. But everyone knows that.”

She groaned and elbowed his side. “Nope. Dig deep, say somethin’ real.”

He pursed his lips, then let his head fall forward. He would blame the alcohol in the morning. He would say it didn’t actually bother him, it was just the alcohol talking.

“He’s still looking for an explanation,” Jason said quietly after a beat. “He’s still trying to figure out how I came back.”

“Oh.”

“Dunno what he’s looking for,” he continued. “I think he, uh, he thinks it’s not me. Or that I came back wrong, or something. He thinks there’ll be some… some answer for why I’m like this that he can blame.”

“What do you think?” Rose asked softly.

Jason thought Bruce was right. He thought that if Bruce found something, it would prove that he was never supposed to come back, or that he was just some horrible distortion of what he used to be. 

It was why he never tried to figure it out. He had decided it was better to have the question hanging over his head than the answer. 

“I think he’s an ass,” Jason answered, throwing his head back and taking a lot swig. “It doesn’t matter.”

Rose didn’t reply, just took another sip of her drink. 

“I’m done with trying to get my own father to understand me,” Jason said.

“Yeah, me too,” Rose replied.

They were both lying. Neither of them called each other out on it.

“You talked to your brother recently?” Jason asked.

“No comment,” she said. “You talked to yours?”

“Which one?”

“Any.”

“Nope.”

She snorted. “We suck.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s nice that we suck in the same ways, though,” Rose laughed. “That’s prolly why we don’t have any other friends.”

“We’ve got Eddie,” Jason pointed out, grabbing another drink as Rose finished the last of hers.

“Eddie’s dead.”

“Oh, yeah.”

Rose tossed her empty can on the floor and sighed. “I think you’re a bad influence on me,” she said.

Jason took a sip from his can and raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”

“I don’t talk about my feelings with anyone else.”

“I think talking about your feelings is supposed to be a good thing.”

“Not for me,” she insisted. “We should stop hanging out.”

“Probably.”

Neither of them moved.

“What was your mom like?” Jason asked out of the blue. The room was still spinning around him. He took another sip to see if it would make it better.

“Nice try,” Rose responded, all humor gone from her face.

“I thought it was opening up time.”

“Opening up time is over,” she said. “Unless you want to talk about your mommy issues, in which case go ahead.”

“No thanks.”

“Thought so,” she scoffed. 

They fell into silence again. Jason finished his drink and set the can down next to him. Rose rubbed her eyepatch with a frown.

“Does it hurt?” Jason asked.

“My eye? Only when I think about it.”

“How much do you think about it?”

“I told you opening up time is over.”

He frowned at her for a moment, then looked down at the floor. “Well, I can still feel the crowbar, sometimes,” he said. “He got a few good hits in, the worst was right where my spine meets my neck.” He reached a hand up and slowly grazed his fingers over where the scar should be. “Still feel it when I move too fast.”

Rose was silent. Jason could feel her stare digging into the side of his head. He didn’t look up; he didn’t want to know how she was looking at him.

“That sucks,” she said finally. 

He wasn’t sure why, but there was something hilarious about that. He broke into a fit of laughter. “Yeah, it does,” he grinned.

She started laughing too. “My eye hurts most when I try to think about what came before I worked with Slade,” she giggled. “Last time I talked to Roy, I had to leave after like 30 seconds because it hurt like the knife was cutting it out again.”

That wasn’t funny at all. They were both laughing until they couldn’t breathe.

They were definitely bad influences on each other. 

Neither of them seemed to notice.

[goofyhoffy]

known stranger | jjk | Chapter 1

people say your bestfriend's rival is your rival too. But what if you fall for your rival.

✿ Pairing :  Jungkook × female reader, Jimin × best friend reader

✿ Genre : enemies to lovers, stranger au, personal assistant au, manager au, mutual au.

✿ Summary : always seen him around your mutual friend, but one day you  noticed the known face. Everyone find you so interesting that they always want to be your best friend, yet you never find anyone close to your heart. Jimin your so called bestfriend gone through the worse break up but instead of caring him you fall for his rival. You never thought of liking someone who would beat your bestfriend, but you fall for Jungkook there. Unfortunately, Jungkook became your personal assistant who hated you the most for supporting Jimin. What if Jungkook also wants you back?

✿ Warnings : fluff, strong languages, reader is a psychopath, angst, anxiety, anxiousness, double faced, bullying, overthinking, mean people, Jimin here is the meanest, ignoring, explicit, smut, fake friends, manager and personal assistant au, mutual friend, swearing, filled with flirty lines, rival, lovey dovey, break up, makeout, humiliation, oneshot, texting.

✿ Series : a drabble fanfiction of 3 sets

✿ Word Limit : 5 k+

MASTERLIST

✿ Author's note : wishing you many happy returns of the day, kook. I thought of making this fanfic a oneshot but my mind never cooperates with me. So, here I'm again with my drabble series. Read it and let me know if you liked it. To get add on taglist, send an ask.

(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)

"See, I changed your contact name to 'Bestie' , it's looking perfect dude." Jimin rejoiced. You just gladly looked at his phone screen with your two owl eyes. "Now, you also need to change my contact name in your phone to 'bestie'. Do it fast, I'm waiting, piggy."  Jimin said happily.

"Ya, I'll do it later some day." You weirdly smiled at him. It's always been like that. Jimin being too clingy, always said that you're his best friend, his own girl, whom he adores the most. But somewhere you never felt that. You never denied him of being your friend or you can say your best friend but you always hesitated to accept. You never called him sweetly, never even seen him like your bestfriend but something less than that. A vibe just didn't match with him. Yet, he was always the one who texted you, asked for hanging out, call you by pet names, always loved you, always treat you like his bestfriend. You never showed this emotions neither you did denied all that .

"You always do this things. You know, you're always first for me. First priority,____(y/n)." Jimin sighed.

"Ya, always first. But-" you got intreuppted by him.

This Areum gonna kill me one day. This girl already broke up with me but still cling to me." Jimin said while checking his phone. Few weeks ago, Jimin had a worst broke up. More likely, a betrayal kinda thing happened with him. Before that he was so happy, bright and always busy with his girlfriend. And never ever asked you how were you back then. There you got it, how really a toxic person he was. That's why, you never wanted to call him your special person. Cause after every break up he only comes to you. And during his relationship phase he never even asked you nor did he talk to you. A complete stranger basically.

" Why don't you just ignore her. Block her if she's distrubing you so much." You said.

"I did, but still. Well, she's only for fun. She also have fun making out with me and I do the same. So no problem." Jimin chuckled.

"Also fun when she calls his boyfriend and his friends to beat you up as you're assign of molesting her." You rolled your eyes.

"____, you clearly know that. You have seen that. She was the first who directed me to kiss her , touch her and everything. But later that bitch just called her bodyguard boyfriend to help her out. It's only a strategy for breaking up with me." Jimin sighed.

"Then, why did you do the same thing again Jimin? Just leave her. It really feel bad to see your friend suffering." You asked.

"Bestfriend not friend." Jimin corrected.

"Whatever. Do you want to have red stamps on your ass again?" You sighed.

"No, but I can't. That time I was so mad at Areum so I didn't do any harm to her boyfriend. Unless I would have kicked him in nuts." Jimin giggled.

"Everything is not a joke, Jimin." You rolled your eyes as you left for your daily shift.

◉

You got freahen up after a hectic day at your work. After taking good hot shower, you sat on your bed and checked your phone. You glared at how many messages Jimin had sent you to ask about your day, your mood, what's you're doing and stuff like that. You completely ignored it. Sometimes you feel that, the boy put so much of his time on you just to get some friendly love from you. But at the second thought, you imagine all those moments when he ignored you, your texts, your calls for hours and days just because he don't need you.

At last you saw the flooded messages at the new group chat you got added. You don't have enough patience to read what the group chat was about and who were the members. So, you directly called the one who added you.

It's Bora, who added you. Your long lost another best friend. Who also treated you like her best friend but you never like being her friend. But you felt so glad that someone still remembered you. You called her.

"Hello!"  You nervously chuckled.

"____, I missed you bub. Don't you missed me sweets?" Bora excitedly asked.

"Sure. I-I mean I did. A lot. Bora." You weirdly smiled

"Then you're definitely coming to the Mall? Don't you?" Bora asked.

"Mall? About what?" You asked.

"I added you to the gc dude. Checked that. Everyone is coming. Please you also need to come. I have many things to talk about you." Bora pleased.

"I saw that, that's why I called you. Cool idea! Definitely gonna come Bora." You said.

"Call me sunshine. Okayy, tomorrow at eight at evening near the south mall. Don't be late. We all will be there." Bora said happily.

"Sure sunshine. I'll be there promise. Good night. Meet you tomorrow." You said cheerfully.

You're kinda excited to meet your old goldies. Not to lie but you missed them so much. All the shit they talk, crazyness they do and everything about them is all you need right now. You missed Bora in real. Like, in days she was so toxic that gives you anxiety unnecessarily but still she missed you. You always love the person who mentioned you anywhere unless or untill it's Jimin.

At the Mall, you're already late to go their after your hectic schedule. But still you're not late as it's only nine and they asked you to be their till eight. But you always a late lateefa. More like a queen for whom everyone waits. You saw Bora, and ran cheerfully towards her.

"Sunshine!" You sang.

"_____, again late." Bora exclaimed arrogantly.

"Really sorry Bora. Tell me if I missed anything." You asked.

"Everything. Legit everything." Bora said.

"Why? I'll cry dude." You sighed

"Everyone already gone for movie. I'm just here to wait for you girl. Thank me." Bora rolled her eyes

"Then let's go for the movie. We can join the movie." You cheerfully smiled.

"Wait. I didn't call you here to hangout with you. I need to tell you many things." Bora said.

"Then whom we're waiting for. Let's have some goosip coffee, Sunshine." You chuckled as both of you just walked upto the near counter coffee shop. There you sat the same place you used to and have endless laughter.

She explained how she's going to marry the man of her dreams. Tells you everything about what happening in every one's life and their love life. During your old days to, Bora was the one who tells you all the goosip and love life of others. She was so much interested in other life than her own. Unfortunately you were always the one who used to hear all those boring goosips. You were never interested, neither you are now interested.

As the weather is getting happier the dark clouds surrounds the mood. You saw Areum and his Boyfriend Seokjin was also there at the mall. They're strolling down the Mall with grabbing eachother hands. They looked so happy. But you felt so bad for his boyfriend Seokjin. He never knew the actual face of Areum. You have seen after Jimin's break up also, she used to make out with him. Jimin share each and everything about that. How she bite his upper lip so much and how she was acting that everything was good and still were together. Jimin was an actual fool and you knew that. He didn't understand that, the thing which he was telling fun and gain is actually the entire opposite. Areum was all having fun with her new rich boyfriend and having a good physical life with Jimin. But here Jimin was always so sad because of her. She's an actual bitch  and act like an innocent fool.

"Bora, this is the girl I'm talking about." You pointed at Areum indirectly.

"She was Jimin's girlfriend? Ew. I always know he had a bad taste." Bora said.

"See the boy beside her, he's her new boyfriend. A total bitch." You fumed. As both of you sitting at the corner of the coffee cafe looking at them and goosiping.

"That's Seokjin. Lord." Bora yelled.

"You know him?" You asked.

"For sure. He's the friend of Jungkook. That boy is way too flirt." She giggled.

"Jungkook? You mean that boy?" You asked.

"Ya, remember during the high school party I invited him. You met him quite a few time, ____" she said.

"Wait. There's a  Long story about him also dude. Let me finish." You chuckled as you sipped your cold brew.

You explained her how during the break up of Jimin and Areum, she called her new boyfriend. With his new boyfriend there was Jungkook there to threaten Jimin. You had witnessed all the threatening Jungkook given. The way he said 'back off your little ass' , 'fuck another girlfriend, leave Areum' , 'seokjin is like my brother, if anything happens to her girl I won't leave you". All his aggression, confidence in his eyes and a way of firece. Not to mention you liked it.

All this years, you have seen Jungkook. You have seen him in the partis, malls and streets. But after he threatened your bestfriend, you kind of liked him. After that you noticed him in real. How he was flexing his arms while talking to Jimin, how he was rolling his eyes, how he was just standing there looking immensely handsome. With the white t-shirt on and cargo pants, he was looking handsome. That's the first time you actually noticed him.

You really felt bad for Jimin that all the boys get over him. But a certain part of your giggling to recalling all the moment of Jungkook. You never talked to him, neither he took an interest on you. You both were just a known stranger to each other. Known by the faces and stranger by the identity.

At the end of the meet and greet day, you were on your way to outside. Bora was with you. You both were laughing. You met with other old friends too after so long. You took some good memories photo and you felt so good at the end.

"Bora! Hey!" Someone shouted at Bora who was standing beside you at the exit of the mall. She looked back and realized it's Jungkook.

"Hey, Kook. You're here." She giggled.

"Come here with Seokjin. You too here?" Jungkook asked.

"Yeah, with _____(y/n). Meet my bestu." She pointed at you.

"I see." Jungkook just rolled his eyes on you. It's completely like ignoring you. You also completely just looked at your phone to cut off eye contact. It was like ignoring both of their conversation.

You know why he always looked so uninterested on you. After Jimin's broke up, you took Jimin's side and then all those so called cold war started. He absolutely hate you because you opposed him and supported your friend. But you know you were correct. But that never mean that you could not have a crush on him.

His dark hairs falling at his eyes with the little puppy eyes look immensely fierce. His everything is quite recognisable and you remembered each of the detailed about him. But always a guilt that you never spoke to him. You wanted to but his expression kills your inner whore.

"Then spend time with Seokjin. Meet me soon." Bora said.

"Cool. You also spend time with your bestu. I'll meet you soon." Jungkook greeted as he left both of you alone. He gave you a scary look before leaving which you clearly noticed but rolled your eyes.

◉

You entered at your work place. That day you had a lot of work to do. So, you piled up all the papers needed for the work. Basically, you were working as a manager in a hotel as you want to have enough money to publish your book. You work daily so hard to accomplish all your dreams to be a writer. Being a manager you saved enough for your book and have enough to spend the rest on your own. Your work was always way to comfortable for you.

"Good Morning,____." Your boss entered at your work place and greeted you.

"Good morning boss. Do you need something?" You asked.

"I want you to meet someone. Kook! Come in." He shouted to call someone. As he called, a guy entered in the room and it's none other than Jungkook itself.

"Meet Jungkook. From now onwards he will assist you. Your personal assistant." He said.

"Dad! I'm not anyone's assistant here. I'm not doing this thing." Jungkook barked angrily.

"You have to think about that before the car accident. To be more sincere, you have to work as an assistant until or unless I'm sure you can do something on your own." Your boss hissed. You never knew that Jung kook was son of your boss. Your boss looked quite young for a big boy like Jungkook. And never did Jungkook had been in this five star hotel you worked at. You were quite shocked while giggling inside that he had to assist you. That's mean proper supremacy.

"But dad -" Jungkook been cut off by him.

"Meet _____(y/n). I really want you to work with her. She's sincere as well as profound at her work. I think you will be a good Manager -  assistant thing." You boss said. As he mentioned your name , Jungkook looks at you. He was as stun as you.

"Thanks Boss. Hello Mr. Jeon Jungkook." You greeted and try to be as professional as you want to stop him from invading in your personal life.

"Now, you both can start your work. I'm leaving." You boss said as he left your work place leaving you and Jungkook alone.

For few minutes it was like a dread silence. Only your computer making the typing sound. You don't know how to start a conversation. The only thing you know was that you should be professional with him. No perosnal talks. Only see him as your assistant or more like your boss's son. Jungkook was there right behind you still astonished and don't know from where to start. He was already feeling so sad about being someone's assistant but it made worse after realising it's you. You were his manager. Internally he hated you, but you liked him. You know he hated so much. But neither you had talked to him nor he talked to you. It was an internal war of friendship. Because both of your mutual friends were rivals. So, you both also knew you have to be each other rivals too.

"You work here?" Jungkook smirked.

"Yes, Mr. Jeon. As you're my assistant now, I'll teach what you have to do." You weirdly smiled.

"I'm not your assistant first of all. It's for my dad sake. Or I would never have to work here." Jungkook arrogantly said.

"It's okay Mr. Jeon. But I have to abide by my boss rules." You said.

"What's with Mr. Jeon? Don't you know me?" Jungkook asked smirkingly.

"Do I?" You asked.

"Dude, you're Bora's as well as Jimin's bestfriend. I clearly have seen you hundreds of times. Don't deny that you never have seen me." Jungkook smirked.

"Sorry, Mr. Jeon. But I'm at my work place. No perosnal talks please." You hesitantly said. You felt like a large piece of stone got off from your heart. You never want to talk to him about your personal matters or it would go real wrong.

"Stop calling me Mr. Jeon for God sake. Call me Jungkook." He ranted.

"Okay, Mr. Jungkook. Anything you like." You said.

" God! You're so annoying dude. No more formalities please. Jungkook only." Jungkook yelled at you. You know how to annoy people. You were just testing his patience and as expected he was way more patienceless than you have thought.

"Okay Jungkook. Call me _____(y/n) then." You smirked.

"Whatever." Jungkook rolled his eyes as he sits at the table.

He was on his phone through out you were working. You thought of giving him some work. But the way he was sitting, getting annoyed by you and those priceless smiles across his face whenever he was playing in his phone. You can't deny but you want to admire him all day long. You and Jungkook was all alone in the room. No one was there. You were working on your files and peeping at him when he was not looking at you.

"Dude, give me some work or something. I'm getting bored." Jungkook sighed as he put his phone aside and looked at you.

"I thought you don't want to work! But sure, being your manager I'll give some work to do." You proudly said.

"Only for my dad. And also I'm bored so thought doing something with you." Jungkook said.

"Something with me?" You asked. Your sarcasm is way too knowledgeable to your friends. How you turn simple things to some random jokes.

"I-I mean some work with you." Jungkook stumbled.

You told him everything he have to do. All the rules and regulations he had to follow. But at all your words he just rolled his eyes. That kind of annoying to you and you want to beat the shit out of him. But you can be a bigger annoyance than him. And you decide to be one. As Jungkook would never find you interesting or beautiful but you would force him to do so.

After the work, when you finished all your daily work and wrote down all the things you have to do tomorrow on your diary. You were ready to go to your home and work in your book and have some delicious coffee.

"Jungkook now you're good to go. See you tomorrow." You greeted him with a smile.

"So, now what are you gonna do?" Jungkook asked.

"We did all the work today so early. So, now you can go home and so do I." You said.

"Go home! Don't you have anywhere to go? Hangout or parties?" Jungkook chuckled devilishly.

"I prefer home Jungkook. Meet you tomorrow." You said and you're on your way to exit.

"Wait ____. I'm trying to start a conversation. And you're only ignoring me." Jungkook yelled.

"I'm not ignoring. It's just I have pile of work to do." You laughed

"So, if your professional life ended can we talk about your personal life?" Jungkook asked jokingly.

"No. I don't want to." You said as you left the venue for your home. Jungkook was standing there all astonished that why you react like that. Thinks if he asked you something wrong.

As soon as you reached home, you got a text from an unknown number.

You're internally giggling and smirking that it was not you who texted first but it was him. You were happy that finally you got his number. But still you don't want to show that you liked him or anything. You just want to be professional with him so that he'll beg you to talk to him. You're way too annoying and you want to show that to him. You now just want to go tomorrow and annoy him more and more.

◉

"You did well today. You should be proud of yourself!" You smiled at him.

"I'm always proud of myself. Well, now home?" Jungkook asked.

"Yeah, let me just get my things and we'll be good to go." You said as you packed your bag up.

There Jungkook standing looking at you and your curves. He was really so rude to you at first but now he was cooperating with you. He does everything you told him and obediently he did that. As you were busy packing your things. He grabbed your diary across the table to hand over to you.

But before that he looked through the pages of the diary. First few pages, you marked all your day to day plan. Yet as he turn the pages over he looked the brief description you have pointed about everyone. This was something you do whenever you find someone interesting. You always note down their physical and behavioural characteristics about them. Because in a thought that maybe it'll help you in the near future on your books. You always make your books character with attachment of the real people existed. It's kind of a thing you really like.

"His deep ocean eyes when he looked at his rival. For me it his dark hairs which he glides with his veiny hands." Jungkook louldy sang. As you didn't noticed that Jungkook already have your diary and you're looking for it. But those lines he sang just clicked your mind.

"Jungkook! What the hell? Give me my diary." You shouted at him and punched his arms.

"Dude, I'm giving. Wait, let me read some more." Jungkook chuckled devilishly.

"Give me or I'll leave." You rolled your eyes. As he gave the diary back to you. You look at the pages he turn over and generously you looked at it. Properly examining if he fold any of the pages.

"It's okay. I didn't eat your pages." He rolled his eyes.

"I'll check that up." You arrogantly said as you pick your bag up and left for home.

The lines Jungkook read loudly was actually about him. You have written everything about him which you find interesting. You don't want to reveal your secret that you liked him. But you just wished that he didn't read his name there.

As soon as you went home, you got Jungkook's text. It's now kind of become a routine for you to get text from him at night. The whole day you just spend with him and at night we wished you 'sleep well' to end the day. You can't thank your boss enough for him. He's rude but kind. You're annoying but sweet.

"Today we don't have many work Jungkook. You can take a leave today. " You said as you pile up the papers.

"It's okay, I'll help you." Jungkook nonchantly said.

"Well, I also don't have work. So, I'm leaving already." You chuckled.

"It's only afternoon dude." Jungkook sighed

"So? You're so enthusiastic to work, huh?" You asked.

"For you." Jungkook sighed under his breath.

"Wait. You're free now? Any plans for evening?" He asked.

"No I guess. Will eat and watch something so far." You excitedly said.

"Let's hangout?" Jungkook smirked

"Huh? With whom?" You dumbly asked.

"With me of course dude. You and me. I never have talked to you in person. You always so professional." Jungkook giggled

"Umm... I might be - " you got intreuppted by him.

"Please don't say no. I also want to know why every one wants you be there bestfriend." Jungkook pleased. You really want to go at the first go but you want him to plead to you. And he did, and you accepted that.

"Okay then but home by night." You smiled. 

He accepted and asked you to wait for him till he take his car at the front. You waited for him at the main door. But you saw he forget his phone at the table. And repeatedly his phone just lights up as there were messages flooded on his phone. You decided to peep into it. Your inner detective rises as you checked his phone. You know it's wrong to check anyone's personal thing but he also did first with your diary. You looked at the top messages, it's filled with many flirty girls texts, some work related texts and lastly Seokjin text which popped up as soon as you open it.

Your inner self was burning right then. You thought Jungkook was not like that but you were wrong. He was like that, a total rude brat. But before you he acts like all sweet and flirty. Yet he was totally the different personality in real. He still thinks of you as a ugly and rival person. You can't process what did he mean by 'I'll fuck a pig than you'. You were keep repeating the lines in your head. The more you imagine it, the more your blood was boiling for him. He was traitor or a chameleon who only knows how to changes colour. You can guess how he thinks about you. He only thinks about you as a ugly, little and fatty bestfriend of his rival. You just want to see him and kick him so hard and want to know why he acts like he actually interested in you.

You were already been worse , you don't want anymore to get worst. You only need to go home and drift in your blanket and sleep till you forget that Jungkook is okay to fuck a pig but not you.

You left for your home without greeting Jungkook a bye. You don't want to hangout with him anymore. You now just want him to beg you to fuck him. You're a total psychopath for this. Your ego is far more bigger than anything in this world. Either he should beg you to fuck him or you never will see his face. You know your ways how to do that. As you think, Jungkook already called you to enquire why did you left after promising for hanging out. But you declined the call. He texted you over hundreds time to know what's wrong with you. But neither you did answer. You were completely ignoring him.

The past days you just ignored him, his texts and calls everything. Everytime he comes to talk to you at interval you just passed him. If comes to ask you something you directed him to the other managers. Even ones he asked you why you were acting so differently and ignoring him. But you straight up rolled your eyes on him. He got so annoyed by your actions. He only wants to know if he made some mistakes. But more than the mistakes you feel that it's a double game. He only wants to insult you and nothing else. You also know it's better to stay away from double faced people.

You were at your workplace constantly ignoring Jungkook. You never pick any personal calls during your work. But as it's lunch time and Jimin was calling you, being a good bestfriend you picked it up.

"Bestie! You're at work?" Jimin asked through the phone.

"Umm.. yeah. Anything?" You said.

"Today, I prepared dinner for you. Specially for you. Please come over at my place." Jimin said.

"Ahhh! Jimin! Tonight I can't. There's a lot of undone work." You ranted.

"You always say this things. Shut up, you have to. Else I will pick you up. Okay?" Jimin asked smiling.

"No need to come here. I'll come, it'll be late." You sighed.

"Great bae. Love you always." Jimin sang.

"Meet you tonight. Bye." You said.

"Say it back, piggy." Jimin shouted.

"Ahhhh love you Jimin! Bye." You also sang the same way he did and declined the call. You were already tired and again you have to go there.

Someone was there to noticed all the things you were doing, it's Jungkook. He heard all the talks with Jimin. Heard the way you have a plan tonight with Jimin, the way you sang love you to Jimin and the way you were giggling all the time talking to Jimin and not him. His inner spirit boiled to know you were again talking to that little brat who was his rival and he got jealous that you never hangout with him but you at once get ready to hangout with Jimin. He couldn't sit with his inner boiling ego. He need to ask you what happened, why did you hangout with Jimin and many other questions which a boyfriend need to ask his girlfriend. Time by time there was some sudden urge which keep him engaged with you. It  could be your personality, your way of showing emotions and everything you do. He also fall for you but still didn't know it.

Jungkook just entered the room where you were working and shut the door arrogantly. You were amazed what he just did but without caring much you did your work.

"Working, huh?" He asked. You just nodded a yes.

"Free tonight? Thinking of taking you to any restaurant." Jungkook smirked.

"Busy tonight. Hope you will understand." You rolled your eyes.

"Busy tonight with your boyfriend Jimin, huh?" Jungkook chuckled devilishly. Your eyes just burned to hear that. You frowned.

"Sry, my mistake. I mean your so called best friend Jimin." Jungkook rolled his eyes.

"Jungkook, mind your own business." You shouted. He walk up to you and stand straight right before your face.

"Now,I understand why Jimin broke up with Areum. Jimin got you." He said as he pinned you at the wall. He thoroughly looked into your eyes leaving no gap. His hot steamy breath could be sensed by your cold skin. Each word he spokes makes your heart pound. His wide chest touches your torso. He was furious and angry that time you could clearly guess. But more he come nearer to you. You felt like hugging him. Instead of asking him to leave you, you just glared into his eyes. Both of you were stolen in each other eyes. No one was taking back.

"Love you Jiminiee." Jungkook mimicked you.

"Jungkook, stop it"

"Tell me that you love Jimin and I'll leave."

"What if we stand like this forever." You winked.

"Don't play with me, ____(y/n)" Jungkook smirked as he come closer to your face.

"What if I kiss you now?" You smirkingly said.

"Then do that! Jimin again got a cheater girlfriend. Poor Jimin." Jungkook giggled.

"I'm glad that he didn't get a girlfriend like Areum." You frowned.

"Mind your business. Dare not to speak anything about them." Jungkook arrogantly said.

"Who started, huh? Who's now pinning me? Who's jealous about Jimin? Who wants to take me to dinner? Hear yourself, baby." You playfully winked as you punched him to get off from him. He took a back from you.

"Seokjin is right my taste is real bad. Live with your Jimin happily." Jungkook said.

"First of all he's right to say that. Having a friend like Seokjin shows your taste. Secondly, Jimin is not my boyfriend. Lastly, don't ever dare to talk to me and fuck off." You ranted as you leave the room.

(✿ ♡‿♡) (✿ ♡‿♡) (✿ ♡‿♡)

TAGS : @mellie1409 @pariyansha @alienatedkitten @chans-baby-girl @mwitsmejk @hello-stranger24 (sry the tags are not working)

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Heyoo sorry if this is a bother but can I can for another match up? This one is for my bestie lol

An INFJ Taurus she/her and straight.

over all a kind person sometimes sarcastic and lowkey mean but fun to be around :) understands everyone's boundaries and totally respects them. Sweet and caring and loves everyone for who they are no matter what.

calls herself "the mom friend" (she lowkey is 💀) knows when to leave someone (when they are using her or just being toxic) and she's always there when you need her AND ISTG ALWAYS HAYPES U TF UP

She says she's sensitive and has a basic style 🤨

Loves drawing and has two cats that she will take a pullet for very into vintage and cottagecore things

Basically your very open and loving mom

Thank u! Take care and dont forget to eat and drink water (づ ◕‿◕ )づ💕

🍰 for @shotosimp2 lovely friend

Romantic Matchup

Yamaguchi Tadashi

How yall met

Ok so you were in his class

You know those friends you have in class

And ONLY in class

That was what you two were

Sure if you saw each other in the halls you would say hey

But other than that

You were practically strangers outside of the classroom

Then one day you two were talking in class

And he mentioned something about playing volleyball

And you were like oh my gerrr :0 I love volleyball

So he invited you to their next game

He wasn't expecting you to actually show up

But you did!

He was kinda embarrassed because he invited you and he's not even a starter

The game went on but SURPRISE

Yams had to go in for a pinch serve

As he held the ball in his hands he looked in your direction

You smiled and him and gave him a thumbs up

And for some reason that made him feel real fuzzy inside???

But he smiled back and tried to do a floating serve

Oh hey it went over the net

OH MY GOD IT WENT OVER THE NET

HE HAD SCORED THE TEAM A POINT????

He was still a little shocked

But was snapped out of it when he heard you cheering

“WAY TO GO YAMAGUCHI!!!!”

There was that fuzzy feeling again

He scored the team two more points with his serve

And then the other team finally received it

And scored a point...

Yams had gotten subbed out once that happened

He felt a little bad about his last serve

Until he heard your voice again

“SHAKE IT OFF YAMS YOU DID GREAT!”

Suddenly he didn't feel so bad anymore

After the game, you made your way over to him and started going off about how cool his serve was

Yams isn't used to get compliments

Let alone compliments about his volleyball skill

So he was blushing HARD

After that day Yams made more of an effort to hang out with you

You just made him feel a way he's never felt before

Soon enough he came to the shocking realization

He had a crush on you

He was super nervous to tell you how he felt tho!

So he just crushed on you for like 2 months

Until Tsukki had had enough of this nonsense…

Tsukki legit walked up to you and was like

Yeah, you know Yamaguchi? Well, he likes you. Break his heart and I'll break your face ✋😒

Before just walking off

Leaving you there like 👁👄👁

You had told yams what happened

And that's when he told you that what Tsukki said was true

You just pulled him in for a hug and told him that you felt the same way

And omg he was literally gonna cryyyyy

Gomen Tsukki

What they love about you

He loves how supportive you are

Let's be honest

Yams is an insecure boi

But when he's getting down on himself

You always there to pull him out of that rut

Speaking of always being there

He loves how reliable you are

I swear he could text you saying he needs you

And you would be there in seconds

No matter the day the time the weather

He can count on you to be there when he needs you

He loves how you get along with Tsukki

Well kinda…

It's a love-hate relationship honesty

Yall get into little games of wit to see who can get under the other's skin

But for the most part, you guys get along

And he's very happy about that :)))

Omg he loves your preferred aesthetic

Yams is definitely a cottagecore boy

Well get into that later

Favorite things to do together

PICNIC DATES PICNIC DATES PICNIC DATES

Ahem… he likes to have picnic dates with you

He likes just packing a basket full of food and taking you somewhere quiet

And just vibing with you!

And he puts some EFFORT into this picnic basket

It has all of your favorite goodies in it

Along with some homemade things as well

Yes… he spends time making things to bring on a picnic date

Such a sweet boy 10/10

Random Hc

My dude makes great pies

He made a pie to bring on a picnic date

Ofc

And omg you ASCENDED it was so good

He really likes to draw with you

Granted his drawings never turn out as great as yours

But they're still pretty good

Better than my crappy art that's for sure

Every time you compliment this boy

He's literally on the verge of TEARS

Once again poor boy doesn't get a lot of compliments

And they always mean so much more when they come from you

Astrology

Taurus + Scorpio

Compatibility 90%

They value life and love in a way that no other sign understands.

The depth of their belief system goes as far as planet Earth’s core and if they begin their relationship on the same page, this could be what binds them for years.

Although their perspectives differ when it comes to material and emotional values, their core is the same and everything else can be adjusted.

This emotional connection is really something to deserve.

Not only do these two represent the axis of Moon’s special dignities, exalted in Taurus and fallen in Scorpio, but they also have Venus as a ruler on one hand and the intense element of Water on the other.

When they fall in love, they become an image of eternal love. There is no better personification of Hades, the god of the underworld in ancient Greece, and Persephone – an idea of immortal love that can never die.

Overall Aesthetic

Cottagecore (duh)

You can also check out this moodboard I made a while back 👀

Songs-

Strawberry blonde (Mitski)

Love like you (Rebecca sugar)

Are you bored yet (wallows)

Line without a hook (Ricky Montgomery)

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that. 

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.

[erosjock]

27 Ways to Get Over a Breakup, Like, Right Now

Going through a breakup is low-key the best time to rebrand yourself. You can be whoever you want to be, do whatever you want to do, and try anything you want to try without having to consider anyone but yourself.

But considering breakups = losing someone who was consistently in your life, it can be easy to dwell on the past instead of looking at what your future self can bring to the table. Completely understandable.

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So to help you cope with all things breakup (since, hi, your future best self is waiting), we’ve sourced a bunch of tangible, practical ways you can actually get over someone according to experts who want to help. Because yes, sometimes buying yourself flowers at the grocery store is a lil start.

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How You Get Over a Breakup, by Zodiac Sign

1. Shower daily. I know this seems small, but trust, it makes all the difference. “Prioritizing your hygiene and taking pride in how you look can often make you feel better inside,” says licensed clinical psychologist Kristie Norwood. So get yourself a morning and nighttime routine that requires a rinse in the shower. After all, shower thoughts are the best kind of thoughts, and it might be super therapeutic. Small wins are the best wins.

2. Create a vision board. Yup, it’s time to paint a badass picture of what your future is about to look like. (Time to get on that manifesting kick). “After breakups, it’s important to figure out what your life will look like without the relationship as it was,” says Norwood. So pick up some magazines—yes, full permission to grab some Cosmos— and cut out images that you put into art your life goals and desires.

3. Treat yourself to a new sex toy. Luckily for you, vibrators come completely drama-free (and in some cases, are better than the real deal). “Cleanse yourself of any negative energy through an orgasm,” says sex educator Yael Rosenstock Gonzalez. An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away (...that’s the saying, right?).

4. Go to therapy It’s time to make an appointment for therapy, suggests licensed clinical social worker Amalia Miralrío. Especially considering an unbiased perspective could offer you insight that you weren’t able to process yourself. Get started with some free options here.



Benefits of the No Contact Rule Post-Breakup

5. Buy yourself a big bouquet of pink roses. Put them in a vase, water them, and wait for them to wilt. When it’s time to throw them out, check in with your feelings. Guess what? By the time those roses die, you’ll already feel better. Then, keep buying yourself roses, recommends Veronica Yip, a San Diego resident who swears by this hack.

6. Visit a rage room. It’s…a legit thing. “Get out all your anger and smash objects to your heart’s content,” recommends Lauren Cook, who holds a master’s in marriage and family therapy.

7. Go on that vacation you’ve been dying to—even if it’s by yourself. “Getting away to an exotic location or somewhere peaceful is a potent source of distraction,” says therapist Rev. Sheri Heller. What’s better than lounging beachside with a good book, frozen drank, and the ocean waves? Talk about self-care.

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8. Rearrange your home. Get rid of all those bad memories. “A new look creates space for new memories. Out with the old, inviting the new,” recommends Krysta Monet creator and founder of The Feminine Truth.

9. Purge your relationship junk drawer. Yes, this includes that ticket stub you’ve kept from your first date. “You don’t need the reminders of a relationship that is no longer,” says Robyn Koenig, professional dating coach and CEO at Rare Find.

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10. Write hate mail to your ex. But don’t actually send it (and tell your sister not to either, à la Lara Jean). “The caveat is not to mail the letter but to do a ceremonial burning to get rid of the toxic energy,” recommends Samantha Gregory, author of No More Crumbs: How to Stop Dating for Crumbs and Get the Cake You Finally Deserve.

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11. Say yes to everything. “This is especially useful if you’ve been in a long-term relationship where you’ve compromised and negotiated what you ate, where you went, what you watched, and who you socialized with,” says Trish McDermott, CEO of Meetopolis Dating. “Who are you and what makes just *you* happy? Now is the time to find out.”

12. Eat alone. Whether you take yourself out to your favorite Thai place or make a home-cooked dinner, sit at the table and eat in silence. “Becoming comfortable with newly found silence is part of the recovery process,” says Megan Cannon, owner of Back to Balance Counseling.

13. Sign up for a boxing class—or any other type of fighting class. “Sometimes you need to find an outlet to divert the negative energies you get after a breakup,” says Celia Schweyer, dating and relationship expert at DatingScout. Trust, punching the eff out of something will *def* help with this added stress.

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14. Block them from your Instagram/Snapchat. If the temptation to see if they’ve been paying attention to your Stories is too much, just block them. This way, when you do start to get out there and share your day-to-day activities again, you’ll know there’s zero part of you that’s performatively “acting over it” in the hopes your ex will see it.

15. Don’t shit-talk your ex too much. Sure, it feels good to trash-talk your ex with your besties, and hearing that you were better than them from the start feels like a drug, but don’t rely on it. Hearing your friends bring down someone who made you feel shitty feels like it should be justified in the grand karmic scheme of things, but your health and happiness need not be contingent on someone else’s pain and suffering.

16. Don’t immediately suggest to “stay friends”—and if they do, tell them you need to think about it. This is an impulse because you don’t want to seem like you care too much about the breakup. Because you’re so chill. You’re so chill that your heart isn’t beating. Aaand, you’re dead. But truthfully, during this stilted, awkward breaking-up period, it’s hard to tell whether you’ll be able to be friends. Generally, one person wants to be friends and the other wants to be more. Gotta work that shit out before it can be a healthy friendship…if it ever can be. You’re not admitting defeat by not staying friends with them.

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17. Spend a lot of time outside. It’s a cliché, but fresh air really does clear your head. So does, you know, seeing the sun every once in a while. Take at least two hours from each day just to leave your Cave of Forgotten Dreams and interact with The Outside.

18. Know it’s okay to rely on your friends. Breakups can make even the strongest people feel like they’re worthless or not good enough. Hang out with people who appreciate you and remind you of what a good person you are. “This is when having a strong support network is essential because friends can show you that you still matter and that you still belong,” Burns says. “When your self-esteem is at an all-time low, these are the people who can help empower you while you work on defining your own self-worth.”

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19. Eat your night cheese. Yep, you have full permission to pull a Liz Lemon and work on your night cheese during a breakup. Fran Walfish, PsyD, a Beverly Hills–based psychotherapist and relationship expert, says that drinking milk or eating turkey, cheese, yogurt, or ice cream before bed can calm you down due to the ingredient tryptophan—a natural calming agent that relaxes you without medication.

20. Rebound with one incredibly hot suitor, if that’s what you want, and then give yourself some time to decompress and remember who you are. If you’ve had one rebound, you’ve had them all, in this woman’s opinion.

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21. If you start dating someone else, take it really slow. Dude. You just ended a relationship and your heart flipped over and exploded like a tanker in a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. If you take it step-by-step and enjoy it as a casual thing for a while, that’ll give you some time to evaluate whether you’re actually ready to be with someone again or if you’re just ready to have really hot sex with them in an elevator once in a while.

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22. Establish a bedtime routine. When you’re going through a breakup, learning to be proud of the little things can really keep you going. And honestly, what screams “I have my shit together” more than getting enough sleep every night? Walfish recommends going to bed at the same time and setting your alarm for the same time every day. Avoid looking at screens (TV, computer, cell phone) for half an hour before bed. Not only does the light from screens keep you awake, but how many times has some unexpected drama on the timeline or an innocent Instagram scroll accidentally spiraled into a two-hour deep-dive of their life?

23. If you get a Facebook invite to their best friend’s party...stay home, put on a face mask, eat Chinese food, and watch Stranger Things. Going to that party still makes it all about your ex—not your emotional well-being. And seeing them will just pick open the scab.

24. Don’t scheme to get them back, scheme to get yourself back. Get some solid book recs, join a pickup sports game, go on a trip somewhere with a girlfriend. Paint your bathroom—I don’t care. Just do something for yourself.

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25. Avoid posting the details on Facebook. Or Twitter. Or Instagram. Or Tumblr. Live ya life! Airing your grievances on social media is not good for anyone, and it’ll be embarrassing later. Who’s gonna read it, anyway? Aunt Maggie? That girl you met during Welcome Week?

26. Take baths. Baths are half wallowing and half cleansing/pampering and thus are perfect for breakups. When’s the last time you really filled up your tub (clean it first, please) and had a good soak with a glass (bottle) of wine? Showers are not for the recently dumped.

27. Stop blaming yourself and thinking things like, If only I had watched more Bourne movies/had dyed my hair blonde/had given more rim jobs/were cooler. It takes two to tango.

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Porsche is one of the sex and relationship editors who can tell you exactly which vibrators are worth the splurge, why you’re still dreaming about your ex, and tips on how to have the best sex of your life (including what word you should spell with your hips during cowgirl sex)—oh, and you can follow her on Instagram here.

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[narcissasdaffodil]

5,10,14,18 🤗❤️

Hi Hannah x Thanks so much for the ask x This is definitely pretty long, as I definitely have a tendency to ramble, also these questions help me talk about some stuff that is on my mind. Also I started this earlier this week but the app crashed twice and I forgot about it, so excuse the lateness.

5: when was the last time you cried in front of someone else?

I’m not too sure, I haven’t cried in a while, never mind around people. I used to cry so easily, but when I started having more frequent anxiety attacks, I’d only cry due to an anxiety attack. Otherwise I wouldn’t cry at all. I keep trying to test it, to see if I can make myself have emotions and cry, but it sometimes works, not always. Likely was an anxiety attack though.

10: What’s something you did in the past that you still feel guilty about?

Bullying one of my ex besties in retaliation to her bullying me. She was being homophobic towards me, but lashing out at her wasn’t the best way to deal with it. It definitely wasn’t a good idea to join in the bullying with my group of ex best friends regarding her either. I have apologised to her for doing that, I understand that might not fully sort it, and know she’ll never regret what she did to me, but at least I’ve prevented overthinking it and getting too consumed by it. I also broke the friendship with my ex group, partially due to that, and partially due to the fact I don’t enjoy gossiping about others and don’t enjoy being used for gossip. When they left, seeing them again made me start to realise how little they had grown up. It took too long to cut them off, due to the fact my mum is friends with their parents, so it’s still a little awkward. But I don’t regret that decision, I feel far better doing that than I did when I was with them. Toxic friendships do leave scars though, and I’m working on healing myself.

14: do you spill out all your feelings or keep them locked away?

Depends on the person, and what I’m feeling. Discounting last year, as that wasn’t a normal thing in terms of feelings, I’m very honest with my mum and auntie about my feelings, and am working on doing the same with my bestie and my Insta bestie. I’ve sometimes got a tendency to dump stuff on people, and I’m working on not doing it as frequently, and asking people first if they’re comfortable, and not doing it if the answer is no.

18: what’s your biggest regret?

Not waiting so long to cut off toxic people, and seeking out my own group sooner. As the interesting part of the whole situation was that people I wasn’t too close with but asked for advice about the whole situation, were better regarding supporting me and weighing everything up. I felt so stuck and I let that influence the situation. I know now that seeking out the people who actually supported me openly might have been a better course of events, as I did have those people, but didn’t consider them as friends at that point. Also letting other people’s opinions decide how I felt about myself. Listening to bullies and toxic people’s opinions wasn’t the best course of events, being someone who isn’t conventionally attractive to begin with and regularly has people comment on it. Not anywhere near as much now, adults appear to be much better at not doing it. I only have two straight fingers per hand and have had at least 10 operations to make my remaining fingers as straight as possible. I’ll never have fully straight fingers and I’ll always have a high amount of scarring on my hands. So kids would always comment on them and bully me for them. It’s taken a while, but I do love them now. As everyone else has at least five hand twins, I’ll never have any hand twins, so I’ll always be individual in that regard. It’s definitely frustrating not being able to play any instruments or learn sign language, but I’ll adapt for most stuff. Which leads me to my next point, just because I don’t do stuff the way you do it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Not having straight fingers means I do have to adapt. Putting myself down for things I can’t control isn’t healthy either, I’ll always have tiny, wonky teeth as my teeth are too small for braces, so I just have to live with that. Same with my eyes being too small. I’ve been targeted for all of that and have been told that my self worth depends on my physical appearance before. I know now that it doesn’t, and that was an exceptionally cruel thing to say to someone. I’m still in the process of working through this and convincing myself I do deserve love and people who care.

[eskrimcukulat]

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My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Then you gonna follow your brain? Or your heart?

32 notes • Posted 2021-04-04 04:09:15 GMT

#4

Remember, don't judge yourself as a toxic one. Someone said that everyone have a possibility to be a toxic person. But, toxic or not, it depends on who you interact with. With the same things or same doing, you have probability to be a toxic one and not one. So yeah, for some people you are toxic and for the others not.

46 notes • Posted 2021-08-17 04:21:19 GMT

#3

To: Whoever wants to end their life

Hi there, I'm Eskrimcukulat. I just wanna say to you that life is beautiful. I understand that you must feel hard to living your life. Idk about your trauma. I also don't know much about your life problems. But, I just wanna say that we have right to live our life. No one have right to end their life. You have so many people that loves you. Maybe you think you don't have one, they're already gone or something like that. No, they are exist. Love doesn't mean you have to with that person all the time or you have to stay close to that person. I mean, so many ways people love each other. Even thousands kilometers away, we can still love each other. You have your family, I believe they love you so much. They gonna be sad, if you doing something bad to yourself. You have your friends, you have your bestie. And the most important, you have yourself. When the others can't love you, you have to stand up for yourself, cz you love yourself. Who else gonna love us as much as we love ourself? isn't it? You can hate me as much as you want, but don't hate yourself, please?

I didn't mean to being rude or something, I just really wanna say to you that you have right to life a beautiful life. Despite how bad your past was, we still can make another story. Make another end. We can write a happy ending. We can still collecting beautiful moments and memories. Of course, that's not only happiness. We have our emotions. We can't be happy all the time. Sometimes we can feel angry, sometimes we can feel sad, sometimes we can be confused, sometimes we are cheerful. That's all valid. We are human. We have right to feel those emotions. I also struggling with my past. Everyone are struggling with their own past and their own problems. Let's held each other, to support each other. I'm sorry, I'm bad at comforting people, I just really really wanna to say that you are beautiful, you are unique, you are important, you are matters, so please, don't hurt yourself. Can you do me a favor? Please learn to love yourself more and try to stay alive? I know I'm nobody. But I really mean that. Let's love ourself. It must be hard, but we can do it. Let's do our hobby and do the positive things that makes us happy. It's okay, maybe you can't find the answer what's your purpose to stay alive today. But, you'll find it someday. That's not an easy task. Can you do me that favor? If you can't, do that for your loved ones. You have persons that you loved. So, keep alive for them.

Love you <3

51 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 13:05:04 GMT

#2

Makin ke sini emang semakin banyak fakta dan cerita kalau masing-masing itu ujiannya beda-beda. Memang ga bisa kita mukul rata kadar hal satu dengan yang lain, karena memang satu hal itu bisa jadi hal sepele bagi satu orang dan jadi hal berat bagi orang lain. Yang keliatannya adem ayem, baik-baik, tetep aja gaes, mereka juga berjuang, struggling over their problem, over their crisis. Jadi jangan pernah bosen jadi baik. Jangan bosen buat saling menghargai satu sama lain. Kita BENERAN GATAU apa yang sedang dan telah mereka alami. HWAITING~~

99 notes • Posted 2021-10-25 07:21:00 GMT

#1

If someone doesn't want to be with you, it doesn't mean you are not worth it. It's just you two aren't meant to be. You are matter. Know your worth. Know yourself.

127 notes • Posted 2021-11-14 23:18:16 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[thegloriousbluerose]

I was thinking to share this at my instagram… But I think this place is more suitable to say everything… ✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️

I was just a little girl then I find Japanese culture. It was an inspiration for me. Nobody knew about this except my family. After some time I was tired of my music playlist (there was basically only jrock music) and I wanted some new music. I searched on YouTube and I find BIGBANG - Haru Haru. It was the ending of 2009. At that time I recognised South Korea music and culture too. After a while I find BIGBANG forum.. I registered and at 20100213 I become an official fan of BIGBANG, VIP. I was happy. Really. Because of them I fell in love with music, I started writing… And Im still doing that. I was so happy.. Later on I find Shinee’s Ring Ding Dong MV. And I was impressed with Jonghyun’s voice… Lucifer MV’s I was impressed with Taemin… From YG ent I supported BIGBANG. They are really meaningful to me. They built my personality. I am thankfull to them. From SM ent I supported Shinee.. Everything were fine… Later on I find attractive other groups like Super Junior, FTISLAND, UKISS, GIRLS GENERATION, The Trax, 2ne1, 2PM and so on. I was kind of multifandom person. But everything changed… Actually nobody supported let’s say so my hobby… At school I was bullied because of this desicion. My family couldn’t transfer me to another school so easily because my mom was a teacher at that school and she would be scolded if the school would lost their student… (it was a small school so every person was needed if that school wanted to exist). So I decided to fight until 8th grade. Because after 8th grade I could leave that school and go to Gymnasium (9th - 12th grade). It was hard. I spent all breaks with earphones, listening to korean pop music and imagine things, how I gonna go to MAMA awards and to see them all… Or going to the concerts, even being on the same stage (I was studying at music school since 2nd grade until 12th grade). I waited till I can come back at home and write my fanficion or my diary. But I was just in a 6th grade. My mental health was never strong enough. Especially after my only friend/classmate decided to go to another school after 5th grade. She was my only friend who at least tried to support me. But desicion was made by her parents. I was shocked. I was thinking that if Im friends with someone it would last forever.. It was so childish of me. We stopped talk to eachother really soon. I tried to became friends with other girls in my class.. But for them I was always a weirdo. But one of them somehow started to see me as her friend. I was happy. I think now I could finally be happy.. But she do not support me, I had to be with them other person. I changed my personality so easily. I stopped listen to a music I really loved and I was still bullied by my boys in the class. They even punched me to my stomach, kicked my legs. My mom was shocked… She had a conversation with two of them. She told them: “What do you think if she couldn’t have a child in a future?”. I couldn’t understand what that means… I just wanted everything to be over… I wanted to be happy. I find rock music and emotional people like me also. At that moment I was thinking this is the great path to choose, finally I have someone I can talk with… But it was a big mistake of me… I started to see my demons… And started to think about life meaning… Why people are dying.. Why we have to.. At 7th grade I transformed to emo style… My mom was sad… I was sad and screaming all the time at home… My little sister came into this world.. And I was not the only one… In the family. That fact.. It was easy to understand. I was happy. Just for a some moments… But I was still lonely.. I tried to be back with Korean music.. But it was too hard for me… Later on, I finally made into Gymnasium. New people. Everything should be fine, right? It wasn’t. Because of some metalistic girl I break a law. I was drinking alcohol near the church then police came. I wasn’t drinking much. But still. It was bad. But because I wanted to be loved by others I made that stupid desicion… After that incident.. I started to think more about myself. I wanted to runaway from myself… I wanted to be happy, kind person I was… But I couldn’t comeback… When I tried, my new classmates started to bullying me. They taken my things and putting somewhere else. Not all classmates were like that. I started to friends with one classmate. But still she hated my taste in music. She laughed at me… Even though she supported that emo side… Why girl.. Why… She also lefted me like my first friend. I even didn’t knew anything about that… But I was happy because it was hard with that class too. I also started to date my classmate… It was such a big mistake… I did that because I guess I didn’t wanted to be alone… But I was alone… I had a band at that moment… And after one concert I felt embarrassed… Nobody loved music in my band like I did… I realised.. That for other members.. It was just a game… And actually all that rocknroll damn emo thing… It makes me so annoying… I was really tired of that… So.. I disbanded my band. I focused on education and I also breakup with my classmate after 2 months in relationship. I finally started to recover… 11th grade was finished. I started to listen to korean music, I was so happy. Finally I had a true friends and they supports me. I also was happy because my mom give a birth to my little brother.. I was soo happy… But at my 18 bday my other classmate… Who was friend with that classmate who I used to date decided that he also could get me and that would be easy… I was shocked.. Because I couldn’t see him more than just a friend… He kissed me… And I couldn’t stopped him. It was disgusting.. But I didn’t wanted to hurt him. (eventually I did…Because I hurted his feelings). So, after my bday at the next day June 23 we had a goodbye party at my friends house. Because she was leaving to Norway for a summer. She is from my first class.. That girl who I mention before. Who started to be friends with me at 6th grade. At that party was my childhood friend who decided to bring his friend. We didn’t knew him. And what is ironic? That friend he eventually became my boyfriend. My first and still the only one true relationship. We started dating at 20150711. He was amazing. I was happy.. Finally someone really likes me. And appreciate me. But at that same month 20150721 my friend from Turkey was murdered at the bomb attack. That was really hard to deal with it. It broke my soul. My boyfriend helped me… But sometimes I cried like crazy… And after his death I started to listen rock music once again. And this time it was like a trap. My boyfriend. I though he liked Asian culture like I did.. But it wasn’t a case. He just wanted impress me. So it became hard to believe him. We fought a lot. And I was at 12th grade.. I have my graduation exams.. I also had to decide what I want to study after finishing school.. It was a really stressful time. But I decided to stop. I decided to once again focus on a dream I had as a kid. So 20160901 I started my korean language studies at university. It was new place, new community, new city, different people. But we all love Asia… And it was a great desicion… For me at that moment. Eventually, my boyfriend decided to left me… And at that same damn day he almost did not raped me. It’s hard… We were together for 1 year and almost 3 months. He never pushed me. Idk what happened to him that day… And he lefted me. It was… For me… Such a big deal. Because I give him all me, my soul, my body, my heart.. We were talking about life together.. And he wanted that. Not me. He was who suggested that. But he decided to choose bar, beer, girls over us. I fell in a deep depression. I started to have trust issues. And I still have it. I lost my friends at university, they couldn’t deal with my negative minds… I was toxic for myself and others… I had just one friend… And she is still by my side. I love her… But she also didn’t knew how to help me. It was the first time I really wanted to end everything… I cut my wrist… (Im left handed), I drink two beers and one spiritual alcoholic drink.. I even filmed myself… I really couldn’t believe he lefted me… He throw me.. I was just a used b*tch like he told my friend… My life was broken. Because of him I didn’t want to go to Korea… I loved him.. And I wanted to be a great woman for him… I was blinded by feelings that he even disrespected. And after that incident… My ex’s sister tried to lock me at the hospital.. To take a treatment… But psychiatric told me that I could deal with everything by myself. I believed in that but at the same time I pushed that. After some time other boys wanted to be my friends from university… But they wanted to be more than my friend…. I couldn’t.. I was still his girl… And they lefted me… Two more people throw me like I was a trash… After 6 months after my break up I started to heal. I started to fight… I went to organisation.. I though I find new people.. But it was once again a failure. They never saw me as I am one of the organisation’s members… It was hard.. They started gossiping about me and lying things after I left… Also my physical health went worst… I couldn’t believe how people could do that to me… I want to be wanted but you just all are using me as you wanted and then you throw me like a trash… Also some other guy used me as a cure from his breakup… And he made up with her later… At that time.. I wanted to kill myself… To really kill myself… I was exhausted… About Everything… I didn’t see any light in my life once again… It was a second time then I…. I… Cut my right hand… And I still have those scars… But I managed to reach my 20th bday. It was at this summer… I decided to be myself… I started to go with my bestie and my childhood friend to hangout.. Everything was fine. Until I find one guy… I don’t know why… But I tough Im finally free so I could be trying to trust someone else… And it was a bad desicion. Because my childhood friend tried to touch me… Even he knew everything what I went through… He said it was a joke..but I was traumatised.. I tough that all men wants just that… I realised that I couldn’t trust the new guy, so I wanted to cut all the connections with him… Guess what… He already slept with another girl at the festival… Even though he knew my past and even though he told me he likes me and want to be with me… And he told me after that, that it was my fault that he had done that. Because he tough that I hated him… I was shocked… But I realised that he would never gonna push me over to the same damn thing that I already went. No. I cut all the connections with my childhood friend and him. Finally I was free. Second year of university started. I decided to focus on my education. I started to listen more kpop. And my puzzle were almost finished. However, that guy who used me as a cure.. He came back… And he wanted a help from me. To be just his friend… I couldn’t push him. Because of what I went through… Even I released that cut I made because of him was so stupid action… So I helped… I was a fool… He used me once again… Even though I believed in him… He also tried to impress me and that’s why he always listened to my darkest thoughts. I still couldn’t trust no one… My friend circle that I was building really hard… Just one friend was left.. Thank you God… She is still with me… Im still critique myself… Because of my choices… So… He decided to left me until he recovers from his breakup. When he texted me I decided to stop. I stopped. I studied hard, supported my family, I was smiling and happy, I decided to take an opportunity to have a second major at business administration… I was happy… I survived this winter exam session. My holidays started… I went to my parents house. I was listening kpop music BIGBANG, PENTAGON, WINNER and so on… Even Shinee old songs… And I remembered my old school days… When I found this KWORLD… And how it actually makes me happy… They built my personality… Even though I had these ups & downs… They always were my reason why Im still looking and believing into future. And I was pushing this pure world so many times because of others… Because I couldn’t stand loneliness… Because I was afraid to be an artistic mind person who I am since birth… I was so afraid that I wanted to die… But at every time I wanted I looked at BIGBANG and at SHINEE and others kpop groups… They helped me to reach my 20s… And finally I find peace… At December 18th morning I dreamed that Im with alot of people I don’t know… And I saw a boy with dark hair he told me that he is finally going to be free… I couldn’t see his face… I Even don’t know if his hair were really dark… After that I saw an animal dying in a river… And then I wake up. I saw all news about Taeyang weddings & I was so happy for him. At that time in Korea was around 15pm… And you know… He was still alive… He was still preparing.. While I was screaming from happiness… My friend from Korea told me if I knew what happened.. Of course I didn’t… And after I heard… I just couldn’t believed… I was waiting… And waiting… For the statement.. But I already knew… He was dead… I felt really bad… I though if I was more supportive… If I was more stronger to deal with myself… Maybe I could saw his signals… I was angry and Im still am. People commenting about depression how is hard and so on… It looks like it is easy to talk about it… But it’s not… I opened everything for the first time… Because I want to tell people what it is really means to suffer… How it is hard to find a light… I was thinking about my little siblings… What if something happens to my parents? Im an adult… I have to take my siblings… I have responsibilities… I just can’t left them alone… Even though it’s really hard to live…. And after I had reading his letter… I though that Im reading one of mines… I was telling so many same things… I was asking same damn things even before his death.. And Im still asking… I hate death… I do not want to put my parents in a box and hide it like some used trash…. I just can’t… And these kind of thoughts push me to go and do not try to kill me…. You know what people are saying that the third time…. I had my two… Im really afraid… Because his death… Made my childhood world shaking… I thought they would for me… But Because of my mental I couldn’t be for them… Even though Im tried… And then I finally really came back… Jonghyun 오빠… Decided to die at my mom’s birthday… Moms bday, Taeyang wedding… I was so happy… And then boom… Sadness made a comeback to my life… I just want to be happy… I just want to know why we are killing eachother… I just want to know what is the meaning… I just want to be happy… But life saw me as a trash… Since beginning… And Im fighting.. And I even do not know for what… I do not believe in love anymore. I do not trust people anymore. Mates at my uni don’t like me… They laugh at me then I though I was doing everything fine… I just though that KWORLD would be still the same… Im sorry… Im really sorry… For everything.. Those feelings you shared… I know it all. Im depressed since I was a kid… But Im telling to myself that everything is going to be alright… It have to … But you are not here… Im sorry… Im really sorry… Maybe if you had readed my stupid life story.. Maybe you knew that you are not alone… Im also not talented I can’t write anything… No one notice my makings… I don’t know how to deal with it but Im trying… Im afraid but Im trying… Im really thankful to you. And to you who readed this rock of my heart… I just wanted to help everyone who reached me in my life. I want all people to smile. So please SMILE.

Rest well, Kim Jong Hyun, the Angel of Shinee.

[welikeitspicyreviews-blog]

Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino 2019 Essay (Open, Panti Sisters & Lola Igna)

The Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino (PPP) is a seven-day in length festivity of Philippine Cinema where new quality genre Filipino films are screened for seven days in every single normal film across the country. No foreign films will be screened during PPP with the exception of in claim to fame films to give the open door for the entire nation to commend its very own local films. This occasion is sorted out by the Film Development Council of the Philippines in partnership with the National Cinema Association of the Philippines. PPP’s mission is to recognize Filipino artistry in films, promote our country and its talents globally, protect our film cultural heritage, and empower every Filipino through film development and education. Over the most recent years, PPP has made a culture of help from the crowd and FDCP tends to proceed with this custom to persistently draw in film buffs across the country to belittle local films. The Film Development Council of the Philippines (FDCP) advances and supports the improvement and development of the local film industry as a medium for the upliftment of the aesthetic, cultural, and social values of the nation for the better understanding and appreciation for the Filipino character.  A portion of the main Filipino movies to ever be produced using a century prior may feel totally exquisite, however its subjects do not: family, friendship, and love keep on resounding with many. What's more, with the 100th anniversary of Philippine cinema practically just around the corner, the coordinators of the Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino (PPP) disclosed their choice with featuring those components and to celebrate what these topics mean for us.

Romance is one of the most popular genres to watch, read and binge on. It is usually a genre where the story revolves around the love between two characters as they experience the highs and lows of love. Although most romance films end up with a happy ending ( e.g. guy gets girl, ends with a feel good 80s music and the like ), there are some that will leave you crying. Films like, Richard Linklater's ‘Before series’, Wong Kar Wai’s ‘Happy Together’ and Abdellatif Kechiche’s ‘Blue is the Warmest Color’ are one of my top picks. In Philippine Cinema, the most talked about romance film is Cathy Garcia-Molina’s One More Chance.  The film became very iconic for its painful narrative and dramatic cheesy lines that gained a cult following in social media and are still very relevant today. It shattered the hearts of Filipinos because of its sad concepts about long-term relationships, self-worth and second chances. In this year’s Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino, there is one film that stood out for me because it reminded me of the iconic love story of Popoy and Basha without a clichè happy ending and the concepts of an open relationship.

Open by Andoy Ranay is a film about two lovers, Ethan ( JC Santos ) and Rome ( Arci Muñoz ) who have been in a relationship for almost 14 years until their relationship has gone stale so they both explored the idea of going open. But for me, the film is really about Rome trying to get out of a toxic relationship where she thinks love is enough for her to stay even if it means that person is going to disrespect and hurt her. But mostly, it's about finding one’s self-worth. The film introduces a controversial concept of a relationship where couples are allowed to see other people which I think the writers did great. Apart from introducing the concept of open relationships, they were able to show a form of emotional abuse seen from JC Santos’ annoying character. 

The film didn’t focus on the open relationship a lot but I think it's a nice way to introduce it by giving the audience a disclaimer that this isn’t for everyone. When Rome starts to realize her worth, she was able to find her happiness. She finally was able to go back to her art and make a life all by herself. This cuts to Ethan realizing how toxic he was as a boyfriend through close-up shots of a wine bottle written “Rome” on it. Looking at the camera from the beginning till the end, its like going through a journey with her and from that, we were able to ask ourselves the same question, “Is this really what happiness feels like?” and in that moment, we are able to make that decision for her and for ourselves also. This cuts to a beautiful close up shot of rome, a few seconds before the credits start rolling. And finally, she is free. 

The film starts with Rome and Ethan arguing about getting into an open relationship or breaking up. In here, we are introduced to the idea that their relationship is not going to end well. Since every time the camera cuts to a close up shot of Rome’s face, she appears as if she’s indecisive and unsure. This concludes that Rome’s selfless character enables Ethan to allow the toxicity of his character to worsen. Comparing this to One More Chance, the film starts with the same kind of set up without the idea of an open relationship. But the only difference is that the dominance lies in Bea’s character, Basha. She already knows what she wants while we are being introduced to the toxic behavior of Popoy. They both have similarities in their cinematic universe. They show the same concept of friendship, the realization of one’s self worth from a toxic relationship and lastly, finding happiness in a workplace. But looking through past films by the same production and Star Cinema, they share the same formula. What makes the two different from each other? Work wins over love while the other, the same cliché ending — guy gets girl. Maybe why I couldn’t stop comparing it to One More Chance because of the obvious similarities. Hopefully, time will come for Philippine Cinema that we will get to see new things rather than the generic formulas given by these productions. In the end, all we can do is hope, be patient and support the local independent films.

Another film-in-competition is entitled, Panti Sisters. It is a film directed by Jun Lana and its about a terminally ill father offers P100 million inheritance to the first of his three gay sons who can give him a grandchild. Starring Paolo Ballesteros, Martin del Rosario and Christian Bables. Alongside veteran actors, John Arcilla and Carmi Martin as their parents. It is obvious that the movie looks like its other predecessors since most of the cast are Jun Lana’s frequent collaborators.  Jun Lana is known for making LGBTQ + themed films like, Ang Dalawang Mrs. Reyes, and Bakit Lahat ng Gwapo may Boyfriend? This director is the most youthful beneficiary of the Palanca Hall of Famer and champ of 11 Palanca Awards for Literature. Named the group top pick, he then won the Audience Choice honor, Best Production Design and Martin del Rosario won the Best Actor. 

This film is something that the filipino masses should go and watch. Despite that there are scenes in the film which doesn’t feel necessary to the narrative of the story and there are some lines felt pushed just to prove a point but so far, all the sad passionate lines worked as a mainstream film. It explores a host of social issues that are especially timely and need to be addressed such as the worsening or increasing discrimination and hatred against people who are part of the LGBT community, whose sole purpose is to receive basic human riights and to be treated fairly, that they should still fight for their rights because they are also people who should be respected and viewed as equal to all of us. There is no requirement for them to change with the goal that they can be treated as animals and can't be viewed as a plague in the public arena. May everybody comprehend that the issues that happen in our general public are not simply in their locale. The greater part of us make issues little or enormous, they really add to the social issues in which we live. We should inquire as to whether we are a piece of the arrangement or would we say we are simply adding to the enormous issue? The film's story also discusses the devastating effects of the patriarchy that John Arcilla characterizes as their father, Don Emilio y Panti. They perform well and post-character improvement will see every one of the principal characters.

Inevitably accomplishing the foreseen acknowledgment and regard they ached for from their dad prompted enthusiastic or energetic goals of the issues in the story, these scenes were deliberately terrible because of their magnificent exhibition or featuring John Arcilla. We can contrast this work with movies at the Metro Manila Film Festival with similar formula. Much the same as the films that Vice Ganda has starred in, for example, Fantastica, The Super Parental Guardians, Beauty and the Bestie, Praybeyt Benjamin and other celebrities who are for the most part worked with Wenn V. Deramas who is known for these movies. These ‘Funny portrayals of LGBT films”  are modest and you can't deny that they earn a place in all the blockbuster office since they have a huge part in mainstream films. Yet, when I contrast these movies with each other, The Panti Sisters is definitely has more substance which is why I think it deserves to be a part of the Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino, despite the fact that it takes after Wenn V's works. It gave the audience a lot of good points about social issues that most FIlipinos are afraid to talk about and it's something that we won't see in a Wen V. Deramas film. Regardless of how genuine or surely understood the primary characters are, interestingly, they offer equity to the character and they perform well. We trust that individuals comprehend and comprehend the significance of examination, that the film isn't only for the solace and happiness regarding an individual, it suggests generally for the good of one's own, it might have been made in the general public in which we live. 

Lola Igna's movie is one of the films released at this year's Philippine Film Festival. It is directed and written by Eduardo Roy Jr. Angie Ferro is known for being the popular actress in the film industry as Lola Igna, with Yves Flores as Tim, Maria Isabel Lopez as Nida and Meryll Soriano as Ana, the main characters in the film. The film begins with a very mysterious and intriguing scene in which she performs her usual tasks. As she goes on with her daily activities, it is notably seen that flies were swarming around and she speaks to someone that isn’t shown by the camera. Lola Igna lived a simple life and could see her life alone in that cottage near a farm she owned. The film further showed that she had a family, Nida her granddaughter and his great-grandson Bok, the son of Nida. It is interesting to see that these are the only relative she has. As the story progresses, viewers are informed that Lola Igna's character may have earned the title of "the oldest living grandmother in the world." Lola Igna was so distracted that she didn't even understand why, all of a sudden everyone was paying attention to her. Lola Igna does not speak at all and often hurts people who visit her for the same reason that she does not know it. She is not used to this attention and she is very distracted. Lola Igna became an instant tourist attraction when the news of her being the oldest grandmother in the world was released. Merchandises of Lola were released due to her popularity. These merchandises were managed by her granddaughter, Nida. 

As viewers, we could not help but feel that they were using Lola Igna in a wrong manner, to the point that her little house became a tourist attraction. It's sad to think that this is happening in the reality that there are people who will actually use you for their personal development and often these people are near you or your own family. But we also came to the realization that Nida's family would never have had enough income if they had just grown their crops and kept watch over the store. However it is not right that they are forcing Lola Igna to entertain those that visits her. In the first place, Lola Igna doesn’t want the attention she was receiving. Until a surprise came, her other great-grandson, Tim came who was Anna's grandson. Her eyes were full of happiness and it was wonderful to think that of Lola Igna’s age she would not forget about who were relatives were even after a long time. Tim is an aspiring vlogger. Amidst Tim’s visit, it’s not hard to think and doubt him for only using Lola Igna’s current popularity as clout. If one would ponder, why would Tim suddenly appear in the midst of this popularity and didn’t come before Lola Igna’s recognition as the “oldest grandmother in the world”. Our anguish and doubts over whether or not he was really a grandson were even more apparent when the only subject of his videos were the ones of Lola Igna only. As the story progresses, we discover Lola Igna's thoughts and feelings. With each passing day that she spent in this world she became increasingly depressed. To live this long is considered a blessing and a great curse. We thought at that moment that we did not want her to die not because of the title she could obtain but for the reason that she was loved in their village.She is not difficult to love or to understand but we know for ourselves that we are being selfish because of that request but do we realize in ourselves that she should not live for someone else? Especially, if Lola Igna wants to rest in peace and take away all the pain she feels in the moment. How many friends and loved ones did she witness being alive and eventually buried death? How many times would she feel this so much sadness? If you place yourself in her shoes, it is only natural to ask God to take you and rest in the suffering she has been feeling for so long. No matter how difficult her family is to accept her wishes, they know that her situation is not difficult to understand. This feeling of Lola Igna was confirmed by the scene where she wept as she invited her guests in for a chance to see and take pictures with her. Amidst entertaining the tourists, Lola Igna then collapses due to fatigue. Nida realizes that Lola Igna can no longer get the title and with this money, it is more important for Lola Igna to wake up and be with them. Following this incident, Ana had returned after a long period of time when she ran away from their village resulted in her sister Nida campaigning and planting resentment. Ana is currently pregnant and seems to be giving birth due to the size of her stomach. Ana took care of Lola Igna in addition to resolving her personal issues with her son Tim and her sister Nida. Lola Igna woke up in disbelief at what she was seeing. Because of their long absence of communication and news of Ana, they had come to their senses that Ana might be dead. Anna asks for forgiveness from Lola Igna and her sister Nida. Grandma Igna says no one should apologize, these scenes are emotional because they highlight the importance and essence of having a family. It seems like the events in the movie will signal the end of the movie but the scenes that follow are truly sad. Ana unintentionally gave birth with her son at the middle of the fields near Lola Igna's house. Viewers were supposed to be happy with the new family member but Ana did not make it alive after she gave birth. As one added to them, there was also a retraction. Lola Igna assisted Ana giving birth. When she has since refused to do it because for her it only increases her life when she helps give birth to babies. Her new great-grandson was born with a broken heart and mourning the loss of one of her grand daughter who previously came back after running away. The situation is so sad that everyone is settled and for the first time they are a whole family with Lola Igna still with them but now again the pain and loneliness of the old woman will be felt again. Anna died in the arms of her son Tim, it was hard to see your mother being at her last dying breath, with the thought that you could do nothing more to prevent it. Death is inevitable and a part of human life. Some might want death to just arrive and take them, like Grandma Igna. Is there anything she has to do in this world that she is not allowed to lose? The very last scene in the film is really attention catcher in a very effective way to ponder or think deeper to understand Grandma Igna's passionate and emotional expressions. She just stared at the audience and said nothing but her eyes spoke for her. What might be the thoughts inside her head? But the real question is, “what would you feel if you were in Lola Igna’s place?

A realization has come to mind that Lola Igna isn’t all about the title of being the oldest grandmother in the world. Lola Igna ponders on the topic of life and death. Rarely do we see films that swims through the simplest reality of life. This film had portrayed that aging can be very terrifying yet mighty. Lola Igna is an old woman who is so close to her last days of life but death seems to avoid her. She had witnessed people’s growth younger than her like the petals within a bud starts to grow to the point where after it blooms, it is withered. Lola Igna’s old age makes her rant about how death seems to have forgotten about her. She was in her time of life when she had surpassed almost every relative she knew. It is heartbreaking when things start to get closer to you, that’s when you most understand and accept it. This is death for Lola Igna. Death is not something that is a grievous end. For some, it is something to honor for death is peaceful and after that you have nothing to worry about. In the last scene where Lola Igna is seen holding a baby, the look on her face carries powerful emotions that strikes the heart of those who looks. It is the face of someone who is tired and afraid, but had no choice but to live and wait. 

After watching all these films part of this year’s PPP, we came  to ponder and commend the directors behind it. It is difficult to tell stories not quite the same as what is typically portrayed. It is difficult casting new faces and hope they’d be more effective than the big stars existing. It is hard and not easy as anyone had said. Having the opportunity to produce films is a privilege and not a right. Furthermore, with that privilege comes the test to make it well as other existing films. It's anything but difficult to state something significant, to get recognition and yell it out and you would already be able to advise the world what they need to hear. It is hard to state something important through the medium of cinema, set aside some effort to figure out how to utilize each component of film to state what you mean better. A complete film that doesn’t simply beat the cutoff time. This privilege comes with a big weight to produce films with substance and without shallow meaning. 

For the future of Philippine cinema, we wish that the public audience would take risks out of their comfort zones in the movies they go out to see. How about we watch lighthearted comedies all we want like Panti Sisters or a love story like, Open. But at the same time, how about we also  watch something different. Documentaries, thriller movies, sad movies, unusual movies, stunning motion pictures. Something that isn’t mainstream or the movie that is not the first choice of the general public. One example of this is Lola Igna. Movies are not just about feeling better or being enchanted or beginning to look all starry eyed at. Movies are also about feeling agitated, feeling startled and disappointed. It is likewise about sentiments of misfortune, of vulnerability, of rushes and amazement. Movies are about such a significant number of different things, as well, other than simply fun and love. We wish that you let movies make you something and not simply give you what you generally expect of it.

[thesynsyn]

Letting Go Of My Toxic Friendship

Ever since I could remember I’ve had difficulty making friends. At the ripe age of 6, I decided that I was too different and too difficult to be understood. Watching and somehow understanding relationships as selfless and meaningful events I made the decision that maybe I wasn’t cut out for one. Despite this, all throughout middle school and high school I still allowed myself to make friends, but I kept my relative distance. It’s important to explain that I’m not the kind of person who will make excuses for others for the sake of saying I have a “best friend”, this extends to relationships as well, but it wasn’t always like this.  

Often, I would cut ties with friends cold turkey. In high school, it was with the girl who told me one day, “I can’t wait until I have my big house and you’re my maid.” Slice. Friendship over. In middle school, it was over kids not understanding why the confederate flag was racist. (I was a very woke child). Each time I ended a friendship, there was a specific reason. Something mean had been done, something mean had been said-- within myself I would make the decision to end the friendship and my will be done. There was no talking it over, there was no resolution.

It wasn’t until I entered college that I understood how wrong that logic was, after all how could someone grow if they were never shown their faults? But then the question arose, what if we talked it over, came to a resolution, but they continued to do the same thing over and over again? What then?

I realized quickly that in a way, toxic friendships were worse than toxic relationships. You may disagree and you’re allowed to, it’s just in my experience I’ve found it easier to sever toxic boyfriends than to let loose toxic friends. After all, there are millions of men in just one city, but it’s extremely difficult to form a sisterhood with someone you didn’t share a womb with. That type of relationship, the one where she “just gets you” is hard to come by and when you find it, it’s really REALLY hard to let go. But if you find yourself in a toxic friendship and you are wise you will let it go, because there will always come a day when the final straw breaks the camel's back and ruins the illusion of having a “bestie”. It is then that you will see what’s been in front of you for a long time.

Now, meet Sara*. Sara was for some time my college roommate. We had very little in common except for our sense of humor, which is what truly bonded us. We made each other laugh and there was genuinely a lot of love between us. Like, “why weren’t you born a boy so I could Marry you?”  love. It was deep and for some time unconditional. For once I found someone who I felt truly understood me.

We were joined at the hip, literally spent so much time together we began to mold into one person. But as it always happens when there are no boundaries, there is just that, no more boundaries. In the second year of our friendship, within our friend group there was infighting--which in those cases respective parties took blame.

As time wore on I found that there were things that I genuinely did not like about Sara. They always revealed themselves slowly. There were the little things:  like lying about going somewhere she’d never been. Lying about her accomplishments, or obsessively stalking girls she hated because they were prettier and more popular than her. She often talked circles around herself when referring to women supporting other women, saying that she was a feminist but hating and judging women who indulged in expensive clothes and or plastic surgery.

Then there were bigger things: like when I dated a guy 11 years my senior who paid for all of my meals and riding services. She droned on and on about how she wished she could find someone just like him and how perfect he was for me. Then when I called it off, she hit me with a “thank god, he was so ugly anyways.” Then, after that relationship ended I started dating again and she felt the need to tell me I was “getting around” and proceeded to name me after a sexually transmitted disease.

With Sara it always felt like there was a disconnect between the things I could do vs. the things she couldn’t. Our lives were extremely different, she had two strict parents and I had one very liberal mother. She had a long term boyfriend and I had a series of emotional rollercoasters with men that never lasted longer than a month. The biggest difference between us was my ability to quit something, including the men I didn’t like vs. her inability to let things go.

For the next year and a half, I would feel a lot of resentment towards her. I found that most of the time I spent with her was spent thinking how I could leave and whether or not I even wanted to be friends with her in the first place. I slowly began detaching myself from her, because I had finally answered my own question. No, I didn’t want to spend time with someone who belittled me. I became comfortable with myself and from my experiences with Sara I learned a very valuable lesson, that I’d rather be alone than accompanied by someone who constantly manipulated me and took advantage of my kindness.  

Towards the end of our friendship, I reverted back to my middle school ways. I cut her off cold turkey. I realized that it was only in this situation that it worked, throughout our friendship I was very vocal about the things that hurt me that she did and I tried to not repeat the mistakes I’d made towards her in the past. I genuinely wanted to be a good friend and because of that I often asked myself if I was overreacting--but the insecurity that I felt in that friendship was gut-wrenching. I felt it, my other friends felt it. They told me to leave but I wanted a solution, I wanted to understand why we couldn’t just get along. For the sake of my pride I didn’t want to lose another friend because that would mean that something was most certainly wrong with me.

The simple fact of it was that there was nothing wrong with me.... I was just a person who put up with getting their feelings hurt. Once I realized that, I also realized that for the sake of having a “best friend” it wasn’t something worthwhile.

In a recent interview, Princess Nokia explained that it was better to be at peace on your mountaintop than with company and miserable. I wholeheartedly understand that and appreciate that. So, if you constantly question your friendship/relationship with someone, maybe you shouldn’t be in it.

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

He Just Wanted What Was Best For Me

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/he-just-wanted-what-was-best-for-me/

He Just Wanted What Was Best For Me

God & Man

When we met, he told me how much he adored me for being so ambitious, so independent.

“You’re not like other girls. You’re so smart and strong. You’ve accomplished so much. I can actually have a conversation with you!”

I was young and I didn’t know that men who said things like this, were not men you should have around. I brushed it off because he was right. I was smart and strong, and his opinions about me didn’t matter to me. He was a witty law undergrad, and he made me laugh. I enjoyed his company. Pretty soon we were dating.

I continued being the girl he claimed to adore, only a more extreme version. I steamed ahead with my own successes, while emotionally supporting him as he quit his job to pursue his dreams. We talked about building a future together. I helped him start his dream business, a box gym, and having been a strategist at one of the biggest global gym chains, I was able to talk him through the process, step by step. Having spent much of my career coming up with names for businesses, I did the same for him. I built his brand, developed his strategy. I held him while he sobbed at night over the erratic nature of entrepreneur-life, comforted him through the fickle nature of customer retention, pulled out charts and graphs to show him that this was a predictable part of the startup phase.

“Nobody turns profits immediately,” I reassured him. “It’s going to be okay.”

I took control of the parts of the business he couldn’t, often without him knowing, because I didn’t want him to stress out further. Because I had experience that he didn’t. Because he was childlike and fragile, despite his muscle and brawn, and I wanted to protect him.

Because I wanted what was best for him.

But I wasn’t super woman. I was working a full-time job, writing books at night, maintaining my own part-time business, pursuing my own dreams. The macro- and micro-managing took its toll on me. At some point, I suggested he take over the parts of his business I was handling, or make me a partner in it. Like a strong, accomplished woman would do.

He got angry.

“I didn’t ask you to help with any of it,” he snapped.

This was the first time I felt reality tilt. I distinctly remembered him asking me to come up with a name for his gym, to find a designer to design his logo, to set up his website. Because he had never had a proper job or bank account, we ran all his digital ads through my credit card. My address was listed as the primary address on all his email servers, his Google alerts, his business and search ratings. To this day, six years post our break up, they still are. Why?

“Can you help me with this? I have no idea how to do it.”

We’d been in his car when he said it. It was a sweltering summer’s day, and we were turning into Strand Street near the Cathedral in Cape Town. I was busy putting the exchange servers for his email into his phone.

“Is it working now?” he asked.

“Yes. It’s working.”

“Thank you so much,” he replied. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, my lioness.”

That’s what he used to call me. Lioness.

On another occasion, he would interrupt me while I was at work with a phone call.

“How do I get a sign made in the shape of our logo?”

It would take me an hour to tell him which printers to go to. To ask for something called a ‘die-cut’. To choose a light wood, so that it could be mounted. I reminded him of his Pantone, so that his colors would all match up.

“Thank you, my lioness. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I never asked for your help.”

After that day, when I’d asked him for some help, some acknowledgment, he started distancing himself from me. I would hear from his friends that he’d say, “She’s just not much of a homemaker. She’s a little bit… crazy.”

He was right. I was too busy running half his business, as well as my own. Winning awards, writing a book that would go on to get four and five star reviews. Managing his emotions.

It left little time to care too much about cushions and vases. And honestly? It was making me a bit mad. I would collapse on weekends, exhausted.

“Why do you sleep so much?” he’d ask. “Are you depressed?”

Sometimes I wondered if we occupied the same reality.

He came from a wealthy family. His father had bought him his first home, and hired an interior designer to decorate it. He’d never worked three jobs. He’d never really had a proper job, to be fair. I was sympathetic. He just didn’t understand, I told myself.

I cried. A lot. Mostly on my own, but sometimes I’d cry in front of him.

“Why are you so emotional?” he started saying.

“You really shouldn’t drink that much Coke Light.”

“You look ridiculous in those glasses.”

“Are you really wearing those pants?”

He’d look at my body in a bikini, push his lips to one side.

“Hmm. I think this is the smallest you’ll get.”

I was tiny. Shrinking. Inside and out.

So small, I’d stopped questioning what was going on.

So small, I’d started believing him.

He in turn, got bigger every day, pushing heavier weights, downing Creatine protein shakes, obsessively staring at himself in mirrors.

“Maybe if I stop eating avo I can cut some calories…?” I mumbled.

But he’d tuned out, absorbed in his phone, editing pictures of himself. Choosing a filter for Instagram that would make his abs look the most cut.

“You should really stop posting pictures of yourself on the internet,” he said to me at some point. “You’re starting to look a bit vain.”

One night, on a weekend trip to attend the wedding of close friends, we were eating dinner, and he finished his food before me. Suddenly he stormed out of the room, slamming plates, doors.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t listen to you chewing anymore.”

I didn’t finish my dinner. I got into bed and stared back of his head. I hated myself for chewing so loudly that I’d pushed away the man I loved.

I resolved to chew softer. To be quieter.

Softer. Smaller.

I started speaking less and running excessively.

Ten kilometers became twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen.

Twice a week became three, four, five.

“Running doesn’t make you thin,” he said. “Only strength training makes you thin.”

Thin.

I’d been a runner long before I met him. Exercise had been a source of joy for me, a way for me to reconnect with my body.

“But I run because I love it.”

He’d snorted.

“Might as well not bother.”

At home, I would stare at myself in the mirror.

I’d spent much of my life dealing with body issues and eating disorders, something running had soothed and solved. Had it all been a waste of time? At lunches with his family, I’d stare at his sister’s shoulder blades, poking out of her skin like coat hangers; a tiny, delicate pterodactyl in Country Road dresses.

“Men actually find strong women sexy,” he’d say, directly contradicting himself.

His sister would peck at her food, pushing it around her plate.

“Are you really going to have another piece of cake?” he’d say to me.

I began dissociating, detaching from the endless emotional push and pull.

“I just want to help you. I just want what’s best for you,” he’d say.

I believed him. I needed help. Faced with the apparent disaster that was me, I’d cry.

I’d cry and cry and cry.

“I think you should see a psychologist,” he said. “It’s clear that you have problems. You have pain you need to deal with.”

At this point, I believed him. The pain was real.

I went to a psychologist, who told me that he was toxic, his behavior controlling. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear, though. I was the problem, I explained. So I stopped going to the psychologist. But my boyfriend did not like this.

“You really need to sort yourself out,” he said. “It’s those friends of yours, they’re a bad influence.”

I’d long lost the will to argue. I began seeing my best friend in secret.

“I’m glad you’re not hanging out with her anymore. Let’s face it, she’s a slut. You know I’m only saying this because I love you, right? Because I’m concerned for you.”

“I know,” I said, through tears. “I know.”

My gran died a month before her 99th birthday.

He didn’t come with me to the funeral. He went to gym, instead.

“I’m going for a new PB today,” he’d texted me that morning. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

When I called him on my way home, I asked if he could help me carry a chair I’d retrieved from her room in the retirement village, a keepsake by which to remember her.

He was waiting outside my apartment when I returned.

“I smashed the workout!” he said. “Record time. How was the funeral?”

I can’t remember what I said. What do you say?

Great. Awesome. There was cake. Cool party. My gran’s dead.

When we got inside, I opened the balcony door so my cat could go outside. He stepped out and found an ashtray. I’d smoked a joint a few nights earlier, with my now secret bestie, trying to ease my grief. Trying to sleep better. Trying to get by. What happened next is a blur.

He erupted into a rage. He smashed the ashtray, pushed open the door, stormed out of the house.

He yelled something, I can’t remember what. I remember feeling fear; physical, emotional. There was swearing. I tugged at his arms, he shrugged me off. I stood in front of his car as he tried to drive away. He revved his engine, me sprawled across the bonnet.

“Just talk to me,” I pleaded.

We were that couple. Neighbours peered out of their windows. After he drove away, he refused to take my calls for two weeks. When he finally did, he was the one sitting crying in my lounge.

“I don’t think I can do this,” he said. “I feel like I’ve been chosen, by God. Like, this gym is my calling. I need to focus on it.”

And just like that, I realized I wasn’t the crazy person.

He still runs his gym. The other day I saw he put up a post, thanking everyone who’d helped him get to where he is. My name isn’t listed there. Like so many women who’ve built the careers of men, I’d been erased.

It’s okay. I doubt he did it maliciously.

He probably just wanted what was best for me.