#though I will forever think about the time someone joined one of the non-fandom writing servers

[tippenfunkaport]

When I first started in fandom, for whatever reason I decided making fankids was like… too cringe for me. Like that was the arbitrary line I drew of what was too deep into fandom for me.

Anyway, think of this when I post my fankid drawings later because they represent me surrendering what is left of my dignity and fully surrendering to the cringe.

[nevermindirah]

Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

[hopeshoodie]

I feel so bad letting this sit for so long, but better late than never I suppose! Thank you to literally everyone who tagged me in this. Literally every time I see these posts it makes me grin like an absolute dope at my phone. This is one of the best fandoms I’ve ever been in. I know I joke that I’m just sitting in my corner making garbage, so thank yall for making the room my corner is in so lovely.

So here’s a shoutout to the people who made my 2020 better. If I’m following you (from my main @hyperspacial because despite being on tumblr for nearly a decade I still hardly know how to run a sideblog) I 100% like you. I’m sorry if I forget to tag people :( Also this is about to be a long ass post- don’t feel obligated to reply or like or whatever just because you’re tagged :P

@garyandhisnan. I just…. I adore you. Highkey would walk to the ends of the earth if you asked. Your writing, your posts, everything is top notch (and you’re an awesome person to boot which like… shouldn’t be allowed). Thank you for letting me rant about American late-stage capitalism and all the other nonsense I flood your inbox with. If yall aren’t following them, go do it now.

@deuchess  

@ariendiel Why you would want to collaborate with me, ME, of all people? Still astounds me. I pinkie promise we’re gonna do it though, and it’s gonna be so good. I’m so excited. But seriously, your fics are some of the only ones that I can keep coming back to. Your writing is *chefs kiss* and your edits/moodboards are literally so pretty. I love your blog and I cherish you, you slut cheat.

@kiki-the-creator same brain saME BRAIN SAME BRAIN how do we have the exact same brain!? Your fics literally are the best thing this fandom has produced- I come up with these half baked concepts, you make them actually good, then I play dollhouse with them over and over again in my head forever :3 That Erikah fic? Literally every Marisol fic you write?? I love them. Also you’re highkey so funny and ugh. Te adoro.

@bubblelaureno you’re literally too good for me. For real. I’m sorry I’m so shitty about keeping up to date with fics and edits, you deserve way more than my shitty memory and my 2 second long attention span. Your blog is literally a beacon of positivity and it’s absurd how much I admire your drive and your analytical way of thinking. This fandom is so lucky to have you.

@codename-mango controversial yet brave opinion- your blog is the best LITG blog on tumblr. Your headcanons, your jokes, your route overviews? All immaculate. Even your reblogs are the best of what everyone else is posting. You’re the only reason I have notes, and I appreciate you sm.

@oneflewoverthecuckoos my comment to mango is controversial only because if not her, then your LITG sideblog for sure. For a ‘Lucas’ blog, the diversity of content and LIs you talk about is refreshing. I fucking love seeing people talk about non-LI characters.

@inthenewblood thank you for letting me bitch about the reddit oml it’s needed. Also having someone to be salty with? A new but not unwelcome experience lmfao

@noahssidechick you are literally so sweet oml I treasure our chats and the pictures of your dogs. You bring such a chill and earnest vibe to the fandom and ugh, I’m so glad to have you.

@fuseboxmusebox I feel like you’re so consistent in the fandom, like you were here when I first joined and you’ll be here after I inevitably lose interest and leave. Your reblogs are top notch, the takes are even topper notch, and it wouldn’t be a ‘litg blogs that made me happy’ list without you.

@crvsh-culture I will never not sing your praises. I love your blog, I love you perspective, I love your vibe. I consider you a friend even though we’ve talked like… once.

@radiantdae your artbreeder edits were the first thing in the fandom that left me genuinely astounded. Like holy shit they were so good. Kassam??? That was a REAL MAN. Obviously the stuff you post now is really good too and your blog is excellent. But tbh when I think of the LITG fandom, the first think I think of is your artbreeder pictures. Also your ‘filipino words that make me think of the islanders’. I still think of that often. 

@therealityofthematteris seeing you in my notes makes me smile every time. That’s basically all, just needed to say it lmao. Also if anyone has almost convinced me to start playing TWC, it’s you and Seliné.

@bellarxse my dash would be dry af without you. Same with TWC- I’m so tempted to play because of your posts (I have it downloaded on my phone but like…. I haven’t finished a single route in Arcana and starting a new thing is overwhelming). But also your prompts are one of the few things that makes me want to write lmfao.

@lahelakoh I feel like I’ve said it before but your posts SEND me oml. The tiktok references, the chaotic energy. Both the taste and the flavour is immaculate.

@kiwi-tai we haven’t talked that much but oml I love your content so much 15/10

@confused-inalltheways-human you’re literally so cool and I think about that Harry fic all the time. Am I ever gonna get around to writing it? Probably not. But it was such a good idea. Also thank you for lighting up my notification.

@oceanatydes you come here, you post literally spectacular content, and then you peace out like bruh I wish I had your mind. I adore your edits, but my favorites are your posts/headcanons.

@voile-de-lune your aesthetic is everything I aspire to be and your headcanons/edits are such a refreshing take on characters that we’ve all gotten so stale with. I still live for that Rahim moodboard you made. Also your headcanons are so fantastic.

@lasswithumor this fandom desperately needs more Carl stans, thank you for doing the lords work. Also I highkey stalk your blog on a regular basis jsjsjsjsjsjs every chat we’ve had has been lovely and ugh, you’re just lovely

@bobbysapron your vibes are literally so immaculate. I know it’s been awhile since we chatted but I highkey adore your content and ugh. You’re such a cool person.

@beebips I feel like you’ve vanished off my dash, but you made up for it with that 3rd chapter of The Other Side of Seventh Ave made up for it.

@nerdferatum I don’t think I’ve ever breathed a word in your direction but oml you’re so sweet and supportive and every time your posts cross my dash I *pleading emoji*

@mrsgaryrennell I’m still agog that we’re mutuals because like… You are so talented. It took me waaaayyy too long to get into Blue and Hazel but now that I have… It’s highkey better than the actual season skskskskss

@kingkassam Like the above, you are waaaayyy too cool to be following me sksksksk. I’ve still got a few edits you had ideas for in the pipeline, and highkey the Kassam icons you requested are my favorite edits I’ve ever made. I live for someone else playing Matchmaker.

@hermitclaw  hello?????? You’re so funny what the FUCK are you doing following me. Ik you don’t post that much anymore, but every LITG you grace us with is a knockout. It feels unreal when you reblog my stuff. Basically the same to @mchamster. Like you’re both so funny and have been in the fandom for so long that it fully feels like royalty whenever yall interact with me.

@ravenadottir I am fully unworthy to even mention your name but oml. Your guides are the only thing that help me retain information about the season, and your recent outfit edits? Oh my god they’re so good. Hope’s especially, with the brightly colored swimsuit, left me absolutely speechless. You’re just above everything in the fandom and I admire that so much. Plus you really don’t have to flex that hard in your fics, and yet-

@smaiihands saving the best for last because you are one of the single most talented people in this fandom. Your art is the strongest life support for the fandom and like I know we haven’t talked in awhile but you’re also such a dope person. So.

And a big shoutout to all the people I follow who I don’t talk to but have nothing but good vibes. I appreciate yall way more than I can articulate: @richhdesire @needsomesorrel @ficticiouspastry @cranesandshipyards @litg-ish @princesslove19060 @fictitiouspastery​  @icedcoffee-please @demons-dogs-and-puns @sparklydinosaurr @mountainmanxoxo  @diamondsdiary @bucket-bill@another-lottie-simp @bobbys-darling @cyn-onlyyou @mikcove @officialpapa-johns @Amaxn @dxncingthroughlife @myfictionalobsessions  @screw-u-vaanu @kittidot @chichiguitarist123 @myfictionalobsessions @Azibear @amelia-w @lilithlibrxa @litghoe @priyas-tiddies @daisybarks @ajs-wife

At this point this post is just a directory of the LITG fandom lmfao but genuinely. Thank every single one of you. 2020 was hard as shit, but I’ve been hyperfixated on LITG for like a year and I treasure your content sm.

[lesbian-vmin]

when I first got into bts in 2017, surprisingly I focused on every ship but vmin. I never noticed vmin's bond from the beginning. I always seemed to overlook them for some reason. It wasn't until 2019 that I was like "yeah they're really best friends" but at the same time I also didn't believe it. I was also a victim of "if they're really close then why aren't they ever sighted together" and as sad as it made me. I concluded just like everybody else that they weren't as close anymore...

Especially after I since tae and the wooga squad always interacted. I just accepted the fact that he now has other friends he was closer to, and everyone seemed to feel the same way that they are not as close as before. And it hurt cos even tho I didn't ship them tae was creeping into my bias list together to with Jimin. But then during on promotions earlier this year, I noticed something. During the backstage videos at these shows, they were always hot and cold. Clingy one day and completely...

Ignoring each other the next. And It always seemed as if it was a push and pull. Jimin ignores tae one day then later seeks him out the next. It was so funny to witness. Then I saw the clip from the 2019 variety ball by chance, when taehyung was staring at jiving but dropped his eyes immediately jm looked back. Also the look he had while staring was woah! His eyes looked almost glossy. I felt chills. And even before I started shipping them, I was one of the non vminnies who always joked...

About how I was 90% sure they had kissed at least once. It's sorta a running joke on tweet. And then that video of them at the airport when tae dragged jm to him. I was like why have I never noticed these subtle things even though I loved to joke about them kissing cos of their clingyness. And I started to wonder how much of that joke could be true. And as someone whose a bit intuitive, I would actually be surprised if my instincts about them are wrong.

See? For me, I never got the feeling that they weren’t close. I’ve been watching them from the beginning, though, so how I see them and others see them might be different. (BELOW THE CUT)

I’m posting some thoughts here, but don’t think I’m arguing with you. ^^ Sometimes people get offended by how I word things?? I’ve had a few anons tell me I hurt their feelings...and I’m just. It’s never my intention....

First of all, thank you for the story~ I love hearing people’s vmin stories

It was a pretty popular joke in the fandom since the early days. “I don’t know if vmin are dating, but they’ve definitely kissed at least once....” This was something we joked about a lot since the early days.

I always thought it was funny that people used 2016 and 2017 to say that those were the years that Vmin weren’t close. Going on BV alone, we can tell that’s not true. 2016 was the year in which Taehyung was filming Hwarang and couldn’t join the members right away. Jimin kept in contact with him regularly. They did a lot of things on their own during this season, but I didn’t get the feeling they “weren’t close” because of it. They don’t have to do everything together. When Taehyung arrived and the members split up where they wanted to go out to eat, Taehyung decided to go eat seafood. Before his decision, Jimin asked him if he wanted to get meat, but he still decided on seafood. I think it hurt Jimin’s feelings that he didn’t want to go to the meat restaurant with him, and yeah...one might say that Taehyung decided to go to the seafood restaurant because he knows Jimin doesn’t like seafood and he didn’t want to eat with Jimin. But that’s a bit dramatic. He probably just really wanted seafood. There are other moments in the season (I have to rewatch it....I only watched it when it came out and once more when season 2 came out...so it’s been 3 years) where they are close. Jimin was worried when Taehyung got lost, and Taehyung joked a little to make him happy.

Then in season 2, when they went to Hawaii, you have 1.) Taehyung giving Jimin (and only Jimin) a gift. It was a snow glob with a couple in it. 2.) Taehyung’s letter to Jimin. 3.) Something we didn’t get to see, but Jimin told us about eventually. Every night, they went out and watched the stars together. All three of those things, to me, show that they were very close at the time. You don’t buy a gift specifically for someone you’re not close to. Taehyung’s letter was him letting a lot of things off his chest, and it made him emotional. Since he asked if the letters were going to be read out loud or revealed before writing it, I think he probably didn’t even put in everything he wanted to say. But Jimin understood anyway. And you don’t go out and watch the stars with someone you don’t care about. None of these have to be romantic, but they definitely show that these two care a lot about each other.

Like I said, that’s 2016 and 2017 going on BV alone. Don’t even get me started on 2018 BV which was a little different. Jimin seemed even more worried about leaving Taehyung behind than he did in season 1. I think the reason it bothered him more is because Taehyung was grieving at the time, and Jimin felt bad about having to leave him behind when he wanted to be with him. 

I think a lot of why people felt that Vmin weren’t close was because of heavily edited content. Backstage moments, we don’t get to see all of what happens. So to say that they were acting a certain way, it might have only been for a very short moment. When they release any videos of them back stage, they really heavily cherry pick what they want us to see. And I’m not talking about the boys (though they might have some say), I’m talking about the editors and producers. So while Vmin may have seemed to be “avoiding” each other during one moment backstage, after another song or moment backstage, they might have been closer. We don’t know. Also, these moments are during performances where they’re not always in such a relaxed setting. They’re constantly getting read to go back out and perform their next song, and there are a lot more people around them. They are very different backstage compared to anywhere else...and if backstage moments are what people are observing...it’s no wonder they think Vmin aren’t close.

Also, I’d like to consider myself pretty intuitive as well...but it feels like a bold thing for me to say...^^ I don’t know if you follow any Youtubers, but I was one of the people who shipped Dan and Phil forever and thought there might actually be something between them. Everyone call phanies “crazy” and “delulu” only for Dan to have basically confirmed that there was something between them when he did his coming out video. He never confirmed what it was, but they were “more than friends.” So you really never know.

[huenjin]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

tagged by @jeonginks @delicatewerewolfsoul @mikoto-ica-fics​ @hongism​ @sleepylixie​ (thank you for tagging me, either as a cc you like or for this ✨)

tagging: @bangtantaegi​ @itsapapisongo​ @dreamyhan​ @chanluster​ @mochinnie​ @sparklemin​ @baekhvuns​ @unsaidhj​ @jeonqqin​ @starrychannies​ @bearseungmin​ (i do not know if you have done this already or not, but please don’t be pressured either ways!)

1. first creation of 2020 and most recent creation of 2020 this blog came into being only three months back, so, i guess, everything that revolves in this post is about those three months, yeah? my first creation in the year 2020 was the chan!fic warmth, something i wrote after listening to auralescent. and my most recent creation is yet another chan!fic, domestic disturbance.

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020 it’s the devil!au for me. if to point one, it is dripping, a minho fic. perhaps because i steered away a lot from my religion this year or whatsoever. it is these fics that made me actually gasp while writing, so i must give it its place here. 

3. a creation you’re really proud of the study of relationships. it is the only fic so far on this blog that is long and does not include smut. made me realise that maybe some sheer soft fluff is what makes me the most happiest. that it’s alright to feel conflicted for two people at the same time. because that was where i was at one point in my life.

4. a creation that took you forever domestic disturbance. perhaps because it is crime. perhaps because i was feeling the most unmotivated in the month of december. i dragged this fic forever, wrote 1k in the first week and then simply did not feel like writing it, till deadline became a thing and i wrote like 13k words in two days. yes. so technically this fic did take me the whole month of december.

5. a creation from 2020 that received the most notes the study of relationships. as it should. that fic is my lovechild. it was originally meant for jjk before i paused writing for bts (which btw i will resume soon because of the demands to repost throttle). it was truly great writing it.

6. a creation you think deserved more notes i really do not check. and therefore, i do not know. but hey, if something doesn’t reach to the readers and make them feel the same way, it is alright. not everyone can like everything, right?

7. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it. stray kids is the latest fandom i got in. this is my writing blog. and here is my gif blog (albeit it is my proudest blog because the efforts to gif though!)

8. a creation you made that breaks your heart so yeah. throttle is the fic that i will always hold close to my heart. it was originally for another fandom and then i made it into bts as it should be (because i wrote the fic thinking of jjk). maybe one day, i might find the courage to repost it. yes.

9. a ‘simple’ creation you really love ah, this pornstar!hyunjin fic all thanks to that one nonnie that i am now making into a mini series!

10. a creation that was inspired by another one most of my fics are inspired something. for instance, the study of relationships came into existence because i was in love with hq (and still am). chains, envious, warmth were inspired from nsfw asmrs once available on youtube. and dripping was inspired from this mature manhwa, rain curtain.

11. a favorite creation by someone else ah, these are only fics. but these made me feel stuff, made me smile or made me gasp. you may find most of my fic recs here. however, few specific ones that made me feel (my heart go doki doki) great are: i. badboy!hyunjin fic by @sinisterlyhan​ [nsfw] ii. non ducor duco by @chanluster​ [nsfw] iii. who you are, who i am by @jeonginks​ [sfw] iv. bittersweet by @unsaidhj​ [nsfw] v. power grab by @mikoto-ica-fics​ [nsfw]

12. some of your favorite content creators from this year this is off the top of my head so if i missed any, i’m sorry :((( i also don’t read much, so i am merely tagging people whose works i have read || @chanluster​ @sinisterlyhan​ @mochinnie​ @mikoto-ica-fics​ @unsaidhj​ @sparklemin​ @kabira​ @hongism​ @zibermuda​ (yah, zee! it’s me, rue!) @dreamyhan​ [the way all of you string your words together is a whole art. ily!]

[radbutsafe]

ALL FUCKIN 35 OF THEM SKLNWESDJFPXO

I SHOULDVE EXPECTED THIS FROM YOU

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

A three! I think I’m mid range cause I ain’t terrible but there is still shit I gotta improve and grow in my writing

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to manifest what canon won’t give me and to write more! (though yes it is mainly about the smooching and the— I’ll stop there LOL)

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hm! My weird research details? I’m that “fun fact, did you know...” in my fics sometimes LOL! I plan on giving a penthouse for erina in a fic and I went through penthouse listings in Japan for floor layouts and locations💀 my research gives me inspo and depth to stuff I think I lack in comparison to others sometimes.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

In terms of fellow fic writers, one of them I can’t name here but she’s an inspiration with her exceptional gift for prose period and her lovely skill at comedy! I want to be as funny as her when I write, I love her ironic situational humor. Other fic writers are @takoyakitenchou, @royaldragonsevgisi15 who I always love sharing ideas with and motivate me to create more! For non-fic writers it would be V.E. Schwab, Leigh Bardugo, Oda, and Horikoshi! The last two may be mangaka, however they are writers as well to create their stories! The depth these creators have given their worlds and interesting characters theyve given life to are all what I aspire to be like!

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

so far uh?? hm everything I’m currently writing are wips lol!! im proud of my wip that has been nicknamed ‘soma panics’ that is a multi-chapter fic that spans like probs 20 plus chapters maybe

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

dialogue! it’s so much fun! and character thoughts. I’ve said to people I may be better suited for script writing

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I think it’s description, of like setting and showing action. also an expansion of my vocabulary LOL

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

erina! I think it’s because canon has shown us many of her different faces and range of emotion.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

SOMA!! chill ass mofo whos more carefree compared to the common shonen protagonist! for other shokugeki characters I’m not sure just yet because I haven’t flexed my fingers enough for the rest of them.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

I guess I should say romance cause that’s what I mostly write LOL!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

sorina and I try to get them to smooch eventually KEK and yeah it’s..usually romantic fluff lmao

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

HONESTLY ALL OF THEM but “soma panics” is my brain child

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

pretty sure it’s digimon....

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

currently shokugeki no soma!!!!

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

uhhhh I guess SNS? LMAO fandoms...all have their quirks to them.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

characters cuddling!!!! or getting the urge to smooch!!!!

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

unrequited love GOOD FUCKIN BYEEEEEE

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I have plot ideas thst can be wild potentially but so far nothing fits this criteria so far that I actually have written.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

depends on the fandom, but if written well, all of it!

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

shippy 100% like I said I like smoochin

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

romantic is...*drumroll* SORINA! platonic, soutaku and erina and alice!

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

Sometimes! There are times songs will be on loop and times I just shuffle a playlist. and if I’m writing in random bursts it’ll be with no music but it really does depend lmao I think music is when I’m forcing myself to write?

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

completely independent ideas, I’ve realized in the past prompts shoot me in the foot often unless I luckily figure something out. but I’m often driven by my own sporadic self interest with shitty ping ponging attention

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

multi-chap I guess cause I can post without being finished LOLLL but tbh can I really answer? I haven’t finished anything.....

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I can’t answer this question imo because I haven’t finished a fic yet so technically stuff could all fit in the one fic?

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

MYSTERY AND CRIME! I love the genre and I have plot ideas once a blue moon but I can’t dive in because I want to make details that work and reduce plot holes where suspension of disbelief isn’t as needed. I need to study it more (I need to study all the details for any of my fics imo to be confident sometimes LOL)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I don’t think I can say one comment was the nicest because I’ve gotten comments that have given me quite the smiles to my face many times! I know this is a cop out but it’s true!

IS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY UNTIL REINA SENT ME THE FOLLOWING ON DISCORD LIKE TWENTY MINS AGO:

and also rad. i am never this vocal about my emotions like EVER but this needs to be said your fics are obviously far from perfect, as are mine and everyone else's. but the thing about your works is that they're so well-sanded that it's impossible to find any rough edges or faults in them in terms of cohesion to a plot. your cast is never OOC and the amount of effort you devote to developing your takes on the characters as accurately as possible is unimaginably awe-inspiring.

BITCH I WANNA CRY 😭

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

I’d like to believe I take it often well to try and improve because that’s always my goal. if someone is rude lol that’s not constructive snd is unhelpful. If I disagree with criticism I’ll explain why !

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Not yet, but I have some plot ideas I think will let me test this.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

F L U F F.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

elliott fuji, a japanese-american award winning photographer who is erina’s boyfriend in ‘soma panics’ which..causes soma’s panic LOL he’s 30 with slightly wavy black hair. I still haven’t pinpointed his personality just yet...he kind of humble brags for sure an artsy fucker and flirts maybe I’ll make him a lil shy though. he teaches sometimes, and becomes an adjunct photography professor in Tokyo so he can be with erina.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

a cook is unfashionably late in realizing his feelings.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I am a slow. so slow. motivation who is she? I also write out of order, unfortunately a bit too often.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

this should be for the fic ‘soma panics’ it’s either megumi or satoshi talkin to him rn, I’m leaning towards satoshi

“You thought she would always wait for you, didn’t you Soma-kun? To always welcome you home.”

Soma drags his palms down his face and groans. He doesn’t like this at all. He doesn’t shy from confrontation but this is a whole different ballgame. Soma doesn’t play any ball.

“I guess..?” Is his reply, because he thinks he isn’t sure how to answer that.

“You guess?”

Just being questioned again is enough to crack Soma’s pathetic facade as if it was dropped chinaware and he lets out the longest sigh.

“No.”

Coming home means coming home to Nakiri Erina too.

Nakiri Erina is his forever.

this is @takoyakitenchou’s excerpt she’s most proud of that I’ve written, which is also from you guessed it, the long fic soma panics

SOMA: I am, I mean I will be, I swear I will always come home to you, not spend as much time abroad, once I’m done with work I’ll come right back. I’ll make sure to message you. Nakiri, I’m in love you with you. Maybe for a really long time. You know how I say I dedicate my food to you? My dad—my dad said that the key to become a good chef is to find someone to dedicate your cooking to. A special someone. For my dad it was my mom, you know? For me it’s...

(this is a good piece of dialogue tbh so I am also proud of this)

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I’ve mentioned it throughout this but the WIP I’ve nicknamed ‘soma panics’ is something I’m super excited to write, but it’s going on slowly...and almost completely out of order. out of all of my writing it showed off that particular habit of mine, along with “what is this, a shoujo manga?!” though the latter is currently being written chronologically now that I’ve posted chapter one and is pretty solid in direction. it was originally supposed to be a one shot but I got impatient and wanted to post at least something for the sorina / soueri fandom.

however, because ‘soma panics’ (I won’t call it that LOL) is my baby I want to keep true to my rule of refusing to post it until I have a draft of the entire fic finished and I’m satisfied with the main points pretty much. due to my writing out of order, I’m worried I’ll change my mind about scenes or want to reflect things in earlier chapters for later ones etc etc

I joined the SnS fandom extremely late, as season five was airing. I was a fan of the manga five years ago and dropped it because I forgot to check for updates when I caught up 😔 I really want to bang out the different fics and aus for sorina that I have before the fandom fizzles out entirely but tbh I’m writing for myself, I’m manifesting what I want to see and I’ll just share it with all my friends to read if no one else will. cause I’m slow broski I dunno what writing fast even is like LMAO I do really want to write faster though, so I can contribute more and let the words free from the discord dms....

[cinnaminsvga]

Content Creator Year in Review

→ I was tagged by @hobidreams @jimlingss and @dreamystuffers to do this!! Happy New Year everyone!!

👻 First creation and most recent creation of 2020: 

The first thing I posted was A Boy Like You in February and the most recent was Undercover from last Christmas. Literally doesn’t feel like time has moved which is insane???

👻 One of your favourite creations from 2020: 

Gotta choose A Boy Like You for this one. I really did put my heart and soul into that fic (and wrote it to comfort myself during a tough time) even though the concept is pretty simple.

👻 A creation you’re really proud of:

Love is Blind, definitely. I haven’t written (i.e. completed) an SMAU in such a long time that I didn’t think I had it in me anyone. I guess I still got some angsty SMAU genes left in me.

👻 A new style you tried this year and a gifset/fic that uses it:

This is kind of weird to say, but my fifth Robot!Jungkook drabble utilizes a “new style” in the sense that it was my first time writing non-crack smut??? Before then, I’ve only ever written ridiculous “smut” (debatable tbh) so that drabble was really difficult for me at first. We live and we learn!

👻 A creation that took you forever: 

Technically, this would have to be Love is Blind because that SMAU took two months to complete with daily(ish) uploads. But if we’re talking about how long it took for me to push a fic out of my system, then that meant Dumbo took the longest. That fic started out as a draft back in October 2018!

👻 A creation from 2020 that received the most notes: 

Against all odds, Dumbo finished the year with 6K notes. Like??? How did a fic-turned-shitpost gain that much traction? The world may never know.

👻 A creation you think deserved more notes: 

To all my Fox Rain readers... You guys are my rock, my foundation, my salvation... Every note and ask I get about that series is the only thing that keeps me from scrapping Fox Rain. I love you!

👻 A new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: 

I joined so many fandoms this year but I did not contribute a single thing to any of them (lol). I guess I was going to write something for TXT once upon a time, but then [static noises].

👻 A creation you made that breaks your heart:

I guess I have to mention Let the Dead Weep since it is a pure angst fic, but I also have to say that Love is Blind really broke me. Guys, I have a confession to make... I have many #ragrets about that SM!AU and I wish I didn’t make Yoongi so sad... (Zee? Feeling sad for Yoongi? What AU is this?)

👻 A ‘simple’ creation that you really love: 

Sweeter than Strawberries is what I like to call “fluff without plot” and tbh I never knew I would be the type of person who enjoys writing that kind of stuff, and yet I did!! 

👻 A creation that was inspired by another one: 

A Boy Like You was loosely inspired by the animation, Paperman. Taming of the Bridezilla was also loosely inspired by Crazy Rich Asians.

👻 A favourite creation created by someone else: 

[from Tumblr]

kiss it better by @jincherie

want a taste? by @suga-kookiemonster

Ps. I Woof You by @gimmesumsuga

Right Here, Right Now by @hobidreams

mission impossible by @hobiwonder

[from AO3]

as the shadows grow by spudcity [!!!]

A Game for Seven by Only_A_Fangirl

you might have noticed by introserendipity

all hands on deck by snooki

arranged by obiwrites

👻 Some of your favourite content creators from this year:

Everyone mentioned above, as well as @jimlingss @dreamystuffers @seokoloqy @fantasybangtan @ve1vetyoongi @hollyhomburg @vinterjeon @kpopfanfictrash @sugaxjpg @joonary @joonsgalore @minflix!! You guys are all fantastic writers, and I’m excited for the coming year to see more and more of your works!!

👻 And for good measure, another couple more creations of yours that you love:  

Hug-o-gram and body of mine were a fucking blast to write! Humor/Crack fics really are my bread and butter, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

→ And lastly, I am tagging everyone who was mentioned in this post and anyone who wants to do it! :]

[loversung]

(◕ᴥ◕) fanfic writers tag game!

tagged by: @dhoya thank u <3 although i don’t write near enough 😭

tagging: umm idk @byeongsung @cobbae @nari-nim and any writer friends/followers who wanna do it <3 no pressure though my beloveds i just don’t have many writer friends lmfao

what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

i’m embarrassed to say i used to write fanfiction for people like justin bieber, shawn mendes, austin mahone, and the other non-shawn magcon boys.

kpop wise i’ve written for bts, stray kids, ateez, a.c.e, victon, txt, got7, seventeen, treasure, the boyz, cravity, and enhypen. yeah, i know. don’t look at me.

what fandoms are you currently writing for?

nct 2020. they have enough members for my pea brain right now.

how long have you been writing?

for most of my life, honestly. but i started writing seriously about 7 or 8 years ago? and since then i’ve written things like plays that have actually gotten performed and shit.

on which platforms do you post your stories?

up until 2 years ago, i was a wattpad user. then i joined tumblr, and so far this is the only place i’ve posted my current pieces (thought i will likely cross post to ao3 and maybe wattpad to try to stop those thieves on those sites)

what is your favourite genre to write?

angst. anything to do with angst. i like to hurt. if i’m not choked up, sobbing while writing it, i’m not doing it right.

are you a pantser or a planner?

i try to plan, but usually i jump the gun and go straight in. once i have a vague idea of what i want to happen in a story, it’s over if i have the motivation to write it.

one shot or multi-chapter?

as of now, one shots. i want to try my hand at multi chaptered fics, though.

what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

i like thick stories with lots of existentialism in them. but it depends on the genre. for fluff or romance, anywhere from a couple thousand words. but for angst? break my tumblr when i try to reblog it.

what is your longest published story? is it complete?

ashamed to say that my longest oneshot is only 5.3k words ….

which story(ies) did you enjoy working on the most?

the aforementioned had a pretty spicy plot (angel vs demon) so it was quite fun to write. i might rewrite it and make it … not smut, and focus more on the tension of the enemies to lovers type thing.

i’m also enjoying working on “gimme some sugar” although i’ve run myself straight into a corner.

favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)

i don’t typically write requests. it’s a weird thing where if it doesn’t come from my brain i literally cannot write it.

are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

no…? i don’t think so. i don’t really write enough to count.

current number of wips?

5 confirmed, over 40 stored in the brain bank able to be released at any time.

three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i use way too many lengthy sentences.

sometimes they read like a john green novel. no hate to john green (i enjoyed stories like looking for alaska, paper towns, etc.), but it makes me feel like i have nothing special about my own writing.

my style varies depending on the mood i’m in, so there’s always inconsistencies, even if they are minor, in my full pieces that take multiple sessions to finish.

a quote you like from a published story.

i, uh, unpublished everything. whoops.

a quote from an unpublished story.

tw: death and grief mentions

Death strikes when we least expect it. We live our lives, knowing that one day, we will die, yet somehow, when the inevitable has finally approached, nobody is ever prepared. All of our lives, we live a life to leave behind—a legacy, if you will—but it’s never enough. We’re selfish and pray that the deities would grant us the wish that we and our loved ones could live forever. And when they don’t, we cry. We cry, scream, and curse them as we drop to our knees, grasping at the ground beneath us, trying to gain a sense of reality.

— “by skill and valour”

this is a space for you to say something to your readers.

i’m more thankful for you guys than you could ever know. not to get personal, because i like to keep my private details private, but writing is my preferred form of escapism. when things get hard for me, i write to distract myself. and it means a lot that you all have stuck by me and choose to read my mediocre fruits of mental illness effort. i love you all.

also, please feel free to pop up in my asks or tag me in things that make you think of me. i love interacting with you all and making friends. and if you ever need someone to talk to, juno the resident mom friend™️ or older sister™️ is here. for anything. <3

[cyanoscarlet]

2020 writing review

Thanks for the tag, @gladiowrites​! (I know it’s not a tag, but this is fun to do lol)

I.. honestly wrote a lot this 2020. No kidding. Quarantine productivity was real, but so is residency languishing by the wayside while everyone was busy surviving and adjusting. I highly doubt 2021 will be the same, but I’ll always cherish 2020 just because of the writing and nothing else.

This is gonna be long.

FIRST CREATION + MOST RECENT CREATION OF 2020

8:15 am  - Final Fantasy XV. Lunafreya. February 2020. - First piece ever written for the year. - Intended to be a Luna-centric AU, in which the Nox Fleurets were deposed and she’s now a regular teacher. Never managed to write anything beyond that, though, because residency. (Back then, I didn’t know it was gonna be the beginning of the end, so I had hopes. Oh well.)

irresistible!, or the summer ramblings of nene yashiro and everything that followed - Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun. Nene, Hanako. March 2020. - First one published on AO3 for 2020 (yes, there’s a distinction). - If you think the title sounds familiar, you’re right.

versus

first yuletide - Final Fantasy XV. Nyx. December 2020. - Written for the FFXV Secret Santa event on Twitter. - Before y’all object and say what unwinding is, that’s an old fic uploaded late.

ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE CREATIONS FROM 2020

Do I seriously have to choose? Omg.

take heart - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Gods/Humans AU. - Discovered so much about myself writing this. Also (hopefully) I managed to get into Dazai’s headspace correctly. He’s an extremely difficult character to write, so finishing this brought so much gratification.

you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons - Final Fantasy VIII. Laguna, Squall. Post-canon. - Probably my most heartfelt work of the year- scratch that, ever. Also happy with how I just let myself go writing this and didn’t need to think twice.

A CREATION YOU’RE REALLY PROUD OF

oneiric moments (or, five nights with you) - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. - Written for the SKK Fic Exchange for Summer 2020. - Five interconnected fics. 18,985 words. - Might not be a big deal for others, but this was taxing because I don’t usually write long, multichaptered stuff. I got carried away, though. It ain’t as well-polished as my more recent stuff, but I’m proud of myself for pulling this off.

A NEW STYLE YOU TRIED THIS YEAR & A FIC THAT USES IT

I... don’t think I have tried anything of the sort. My repertoire is sorely limited compared to others, I’m afraid. I’d probably have an answer for “explored new themes,” but again, I’ve a limited arsenal, too, in that regard.

A CREATION THAT TOOK YOU FOREVER

all in a day’s work - Bungou Stray Dogs. Atsushi, Akutagawa. Cells at Work AU. - It’s still being written, with a lot of side stories planned but never drafted. - I fell out of love with BSD, recovered from that, then got busy with residency.

YOUR CREATION FROM 2020 THAT RECEIVED THE MOST NOTES KUDOS

Also take heart. While I am proud of it, I guess it hit the right spot for mainstream shippers, too, somewhat? My feelings about mainstream things have changed a lot because of things, but I am still happy.

A CREATION YOU THINK DESERVED MORE NOTES KUDOS

amīcitia - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Final Fantasy XV AU. - Petty indignancy for my self-indulgent baby aside, I’m also proud of how I wrote Dazai in this one, similar to take heart.  the fun they had - Bungou Stray Dogs. Kajii, Port Mafia Ensemble. - ... Guys. Please notice genfics.

A NEW FANDOM YOU JOINED AND A CREATION YOU MADE FOR IT

Everything I wrote for Bungou Stray Dogs. (I kid you not.)

If you want a single answer anyway:

on the flaming mountains - act-age. Chiyoko, Kei. Princess Iron Fan Arc. - arc words: “what shall i do with this ire?” - I wouldn’t really say I “left” the fandom, more like it fizzled out after Matsuki-sensei got arrested.

A CREATION YOU MADE THAT BREAKS YOUR HEART

a cycle of; - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Medico-legal AU. - Written out of much anger and frustration over things. Also because this in itself was frustrating to write.

Also  you don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. Because no matter how much I hate my family at so many points in my life, I know I can’t truly hate them from the bottom of my heart. This fic is a reminder of that.

A SIMPLE CREATION THAT YOU REALLY LOVE

express delivery for love - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai/Chuuya. Real World Quarantine AU. - It’s funny. It’s orthodox. It’s sweet. I don’t think it can get any better than that.

A CREATION THAT WAS INSPIRED BY ANOTHER ONE

rather be - Bungou Stray Dogs. Yosano. Pre-canon. - Inspired by yesterday is another world by @wctercress​ - The whole of primum non nocere, actually, but specifically this one, and the rest followed. - This is also my first BSD fic. Ever.

A FAVORITE CREATION CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE

... You sure? There’s a lot, and this is just on the surface. (unleashes the proverbial waterfall)

The aforementioned yesterday is another world by @wctercress​

silencer and snow white days by EKmisao - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Chuuya. Dead Apple canon-divergent. - The aftermath of Dead Apple, in which one of two goes wrong. - They’re unrelated, I know. But they’re both sisters! Just trust me on this. - The proper entry for this would be silencer, but I can’t very well mention one without the other, so have both anyway. I read both only this year, after all. Waiting for Godot by @eternal-aegis​ - Bungou Stray Dogs. Dazai, Fyodor, Chuuya. Canon-divergent. - Amazing theme, amazing philosophy, amazing writing. It makes you think. It makes you analyze and explore. This writer definitely knows her stuff, and it shows. Catharsis by @gladiowrites​ - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Gen. Caraway. Post-canon. - The denouement to the Caraway family drama we all deserve. I love how Rinoa is presented in this fic. She’s a normal person who makes mistakes and learns her lessons. So is Fury. Burned bridges don’t always have to stay down, and this fic illustrates that wonderfully.

Culmination by @gladiowrites​ - Final Fantasy VIII. Squall, Rinoa. Post-canon. - We can’t all have happy endings. This fic also illustrates that very well. While I, a Squinoa fan, personally ascribe to the happy ending Squall and Rinoa must have had after the events of FF8, this fic is so compelling and grounded and reflective and I totally buy this. 

Here Without You by @muselover1901​ - Akagami no Shirayuki-hime. Zen/Shirayuki. Real world quarantine AU. - One of the sweetest stories I’ve ever read this year. I can definitely relate to a lot of things in this fic. I’ve been rereading all of Muse’s ANS stuff whenever I feel down, and they all hit the spot.

Savor The Moment by @joeys-piano​ - Bungou Stray Dogs. Oda. Pre-canon. - Yes, yes, YES. One of the best stories I’ve ever read this year, ever. (And I mean stories, not fanfics.) Great character study about a man named Oda and a day in his life and a page (or three) out of his book of relationships. The love poured into this is simply overflowing and precious. I’ve been following Joey since this fic was being written, and I’m so proud of him.

False Equivalences by @slowquotesquill - Dai Gyakuten Saiban. Asougi, Ryuunosuke. Fullmetal Alchemist AU. - This fic also! Oh, My Heart. The cynicism of a state alchemist and the optimism of a foreign doctor. It perfectly hits the spot for everything FMA, and we all know that SQQ’s Asouryuu fics are always to die for. It’s the ultimate combo.

The whole Promptober Leo/Will/Despair series by @eternal-aegis - Kekkai Sensen. Various themes, many of which are dark/mature. - I’ve said this with Waiting for Godot, and I’ll say it again: Aegis knows her stuff. This is her exploring further in that direction, and you can feel the improvement with every fic in the series. I really love how adventurous these stories are, and how much depth you can go with every one. Her characterization is layered and exquisite, and the underlying lore is well-thought-out. - tl;dr: B3 Goddess.

Predestined by Galkimasera - Final Fantasy VIII. Rinoa, Squall. Reverse/Fateswap AU. - A very well-written reverse AU! The circumstances of Squall and Rinoa in this ‘verse fit so well and are so well thought out. I love this AU so much, you don’t even know. It also fills my nostalgic shipper’s heart with much joy at seeing quality content in this Year of our Lord 2020.

For auld lang syne, my dear by @by-nina - Fullmetal Alchemist. Roy, Riza. Canon-compliant + post-canon. - Holiday feels, snapshots through time, and all over showing Roy and Riza’s budding relationship over the years. And it does remind me of a lot of the SKK fics I’ve written (thematic-wise). This was such a treat to read and to follow. All her FMA fics are. She does Royai so much justice. Am not yet finished reading smoke without fire, but I’ll get to that, too!

SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE CONTENT CREATORS FROM THIS YEAR

Everyone in the answer above. There’s honestly a whole boatload of more, but this is getting too long already lololol

(might edit this when I feel like it, tho!)

[joopiterjoon]

content creator year in review

(I would like to remind everyone that I created a themed one of these last year and ONLY ONE PERSON did it. I’m salty.)

tagged by the lovely @nightowls388, @honeymoonjin @honeyj00ns happy new year~

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: I was in the middle of writing Converse High, one of my all-time favorite stories, and posted Chapter 4.

I just posted Seoked in Sweetness: Happy Holidays.

one of your favorite creations from 2020: Even though it tanked, I had so much fun trying to write like a fairytale would be written for The Benevolent, The Beloved

a creation you’re really proud of: Not much of a surprise-- Hooked. That mammoth, shitstorm of a fic where y’all got to read about me working through my problems. If so many people had not commented and cheered me on, I would not have finished it.

a creation that took you forever: Again, Hooked. I wrote it as a oneshot in August 2019 and finished it in October 2020. It went on three hiatuses. Had three different betareaders. And it is finally done.

a creation from 2020 that received the most notes: Jungkook’s Sexploration chapter, Dickin’ Around. I assumed this would happen as a Jungkook piece, but I didn’t expect the love and appreciation for how I wrote him! It encouraged me to write more for him.

a creation you think deserved more notes: I don’t have many expectations and tend to negotiate failure with myself. I’ve already mentioned Benevolent, Beloved. Overall, I wish MxM readers hadn’t left this site (for reasons from homophobic anons to microaggressions to ao3 just being amazing)

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: Chungha! My only WLW piece is something I wrote a bit tipsy one night after watching her vlives, Take a Break

a creation you made that breaks your heart: Oh gosh, I don’t really write these. A story I’m working on, HOME, will break my heart.

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: I had a lot of fun writing athedrabble In My Next Life. Everyone’s responses made me laugh because I did not mean for it to be so deep!

a creation that was inspired by another one:  The Converse High drabbles are technically a collection called Outro: Love is Not Over on ao3.

a favorite creation created by someone else: When I saw this question on the post, I put it off because there were too many! So instead, I’m gonna link my recs tumblr, which I had to create to keep track of my reading list and the wonderful works I’ve read @maxreadsmaybe

some of your favorite content creators from the year:

Okay so this says SOME so I’m going to list some but there are a lot of amazing people

@seoulphiles I love Crystal’s... moodboards? Is that what they are called? They give me inspo all the time

@wwilloww I love Willow as a writer and a person. Her work can be chaotic, poetic, sultry, breath-taking... it’s got everything... when I remember to read it...

@btsaudge Audrey is the bts content queen. She’s got all the HD photos immediately, reblogs great content, and writes great fanfics! I don’t know if she knows this, but I use her fics as a “gateway” to fanfiction for my BTS friends because she has a lot of short pieces that vary in scenario and capture the members well

@honeymoonjin who knows if she is on or off tumblr this week ;P but Sora always has great work with incredible universes. Now that I get to brainstorm with her, I can’t believe how quickly she develops depth in her work.

@joonsgalore if you are a namjoon stan, even BEFORE rayan changed her username, this is the blog to see

There are lots of people on here I talk to and haven’t mentioned, and there are lots of new creators I really need to check out! I feel like it is a copout to list a bunch of people without saying why I like them, so I won’t do that, but eventually I will get around to appreciating all of you with my backlog of fic reviews.

[[I follow a lot of non-writing content on twitter and instagram. check my followers on twitter @_jupiterjoon to find a lot of amazing fanartists!]]

and for good measure, another couple more creations of yours that you love: 

A Little Tied Up | Spanked | The Booth | Transit in Transition | olive me (loves olive you)

tagging: I don’t know if people want to do this now that the new year has passed, and a lot of people have been tagged, but feel free to participate!

[honeycrisp]

hii everyone! wow, it’s already been two years since i made this blog. i enjoy doing annual follow forevers, so here’s my 2019 one. time really flies fast, i’m very happy that i’ve had the opportunity to make so many close friends and support such incredible content creators because of bts! thank you for everything you all do. please look for your url ♡

header credit: @yoonseok 

*some of you may be double mentioned! 

special mentions:

@yoonseok mk!! firstly you possess such talent in so many aspects of your life. i admire so much about you, you’re so well accomplished. i can only hope to be a small section of the person that you are in the future. you’re one of the most well-loved people on bts tumblr, which you dearly deserve. you bring out the best in everyone you interact with, your happiness is truly infectious. i love you! also thank you for everything you’ve done for me over the years, you’ve made me sidebar images and layouts and everything in between. i’m so thankful for your kindness!

@kookhope hi there ginny, i really love all of your content so much. you’re so nice to talk to and i’m glad we’ve gotten to know each other, it was super cool to talk to you about x1 too :’) i’m wishing you well and sending love!!

@vincentaegoghs emily!!! i can’t believe how long we’ve known each other, i’m so glad that you decided to make a bts blog because we were able to reconnect!! i think you’re so great and nice, it makes me smile seeing you talk about bts on my dash. i’m so happy that you joined the fandom!! i hope you’re doing well :’)

@sugasinterlude rachel :’) you’re such a nice and caring person, you make me smile every time i get to talk with you. you bring so much joy to the platform with your personality and your content, I hope that you’re doing well!! also a huge thank you for when you helped me out with photoshop a few weeks ago, without you i wouldn’t be able to make gifs currently!! 

@parkjimni soph!! honestly you’re one of the first content creators that comes to mind when i think about who represents the bts tumblr community the best. you devote so much of your time to making gifsets and graphics for us to reblog and like, which i’m so thankful for!! you bring so much love to the platform with all of your talent, i’m sending you love and well wishes!! oh yeah also, i still laugh that one gifset you posted with all of those watermarks on it because it was truly hilarious gjaieofsdk

@jogeumdeo lari, you’re such an amazing content creator! you do so much for the bts tumblr community, and i dearly appreciate you. i admire how you made ARMY source, and your efforts are paying off! it’s so great to see, keep doing all the amazing things that you do. sending love! 

@namjoon mars, i’ve learned so much from you. you’re the reason i first learned how to make gifs, thank you for being so kind and offering to help me! you make tumblr a better place everyday. 

@kim-taehyung ashley!! i first found your blog through your content on bt21net, and i’m so happy i was able to :’) you’re a really talented content creator who i look up to a lot, wishing you well! 

@comeherejimin hiii! i just wanted to say thank you for your art, your art is too cute and i love reblogging it whenever i see it in the bt21net tag!

@mapofbts kristine!! you are one of the most talented content creators on the platform, your graphics are astounding and your birthday posts for the members amaze me! you’re so creative and it clearly shows through your work, wishing you well!! 

@taehyungland hello hon! you’re another really great content creator who i knew from one direction tumblr, and i’m so happy that we were able to meet again in the bts tumblr community. thank you for posting on the platform, sending you love! 

@silvertae & @cherriestae & @spuzz (i wanted to put you all together) 

my fellow minnesotans!!! it’s absolutely great to have a couple of mutuals to talk about our awful weather along with our love for bts at the same time ewoiajsfk i hope you’re all having good winter breaks before school starts back up again, wishing you all well! 

@agu5td hi julia! i really love talking to you, you’re incredibly nice!! thank you so much for being a mutual of mine, sending love! 

@yoong02 meriem a fellow member of taegi nation hello!! we really won a couple of days ago i still can’t believe it 😔 but in all seriousness, you’re super nice and i enjoy talking to you a lot. thank you so much for joining the platform, wishing you well!!! 

@syuga hi there babes!!! when i think about the best content creators on tumblr, you’re always one of the first blogs that comes to mind. you are so talented in everything you do, and all of your posts are absolutely beautiful :’)

@geniuslab hii megan, you’re one of the nicest people i’ve ever talked to on tumblr!! you’re always very welcoming, which i’ve appreciated over the months :’) you’ve been there for me multiple times when i’ve needed someone, and i’m incredibly thankful for you. sending love!!! 

@jeonjunggguk affy!!! i’m really happy that we’ve known each other for so long!! you’re super nice to talk to and i love your content so much, sending love! 

@jeonmoonchild hi there laura, i just wanted to say thank you for making content!! your gifs are really beautiful and I love your birthday compilation series that you do for each of the members, please keep sharing your work!!! wishing you well! 

@idolbwi hi jules, i really wanted to write you something even though i’m not sure if you’ll see it. i love you so dearly and i hope you’re doing well, we became friends years ago and i’m so happy we were able to meet when we did. sending love 💕

marie, kirsten and roro i love you three so much, you’ve been there for me for the longest time and i’m so thankful that we’re friends. you all are such special people, and i hope we stay friends for a long time 💕

other mutuals: 

@gwkie @6eart @minsyooni @diorjhs @yoongiseesaw @20cmtaegi @suggamiin @dearlyjoon  @maptoyoongi @minkive @jihyo @ofguk @kimseokjinss @ygths @tehyungs @llsanjoonie @triviuhtae @whyjjks @blueboytae @moonrkive@knjluvs @jiminluvclub @kimtaehyung @namukook @runjikook @painfulbutsweet @jeonsbun @itseokjins @ohjiminn @boywithluvlesbian @j2nkook @seokjinjimin @applejoon @outroher @hobifuljoon @hyungstae @taewinterbear @angellicjimin @jinmas @extravagantae @jinjccns @mmmikrokosmos @taehywngi @mnkook @moonguk @hwongguk @yoonsgiggle @btstory @hoseoknysus @taemines @namseokis @junghs@taehyungluvblog @peachjin @boywithluv @taeterthots @rapperjeon901 @97pjm @ftyoonmin @luvpj @jeurias @sugawithluv @jintensify @gaypeople @outrowings @happyjinmas @taejvu @minyoongipd @hopekidoki @taetaeguks @spaceboyjoon @minimins @vmintans @aurjeon @artjjk @jjkguk @minygie @taeyungies @hoseokis @minyoongos @vyoongi @taehyunger @honeystae @plutomins @cherryjk @yon-gi @kooksmins @hosnack @agustdique @parkjimchie @magiquerie @softminyoongi @hobimygs @minsapphic @yoonminos @outroyg @stcrmywinds @jeoneuphorias @faerieth @minblossoms @youngforevers @agustcyphers @yoonminist @minguked @hoseok @rapmooni @angeljk @kara @ilivesoilove @taegis @epiphanyjin @radiantsj @poutaes @knjspjm @atlasjoons @twinkgi @gguk @jklovecult @taesamorcito @chimmonie @2oongi @vanteslens @tae @femmetae @idolsgf @guktual @agusmyg @yeosangies @kookmint @jkks @jimiin @jingerbreadd @velvetseoks @jkangel @kimnamtaejin @parksjms @minshope @serendimin @vantear @outrotearkth @ofkimtaehyung @softjeon @jiminparke @etoiletae @taegisexual @kstaehyung @husbandjk @kookiegguk @tearuntold @kimdaily @rosatae @jimichie @rmofbts @fluffykth @minsjoon @rmyoongis @taetaez @yoonkookl @je0n @jinies

non-mutuals:

@lovesyoongs @chaylani @05taehyung @namjooq @pirisorilttarawa @hoshees @teahyngie @kimnamsjoon @seokjinite @taebb @parkjlmin @rayofyoongi @funkyrosejin @jmin @gukyi @jjungcooks @dearbangtansonyeondan @mellowsuga @seokjinings @joonie @kookied @yoonggi @hansungs @junghosoks @outrojk @jjiminssi @taegidda @hoseokb @95z @jimiyoong @jeonify @grapejinnie @champagnejimin @hobgi @wingscouldfly @jungshiii @parkjiminer @joeguk @sugaa @bt7s @kiimjoonie @hobiga @hohbi @jungkookio @jiminrolls @yoonmin @jengkook @dreamyoongi 

the blogs that i reblog from the most:

@sugaforyou @hopekidoki @kthsingularity @kookhope @sugasinterlude @softjeon @dearbangtansonyeondan @parkjimchie @05taehyung 

i tried to get everyone from my following list, if you don’t see your url and i follow you please know that i love you so much :’)

[cowboylikedean]

folklermore spn finale: the last great american dynasty

Okay so this post took forever to write for a couple reasons. 

First of all, this one is special in that it has two readings for my grief.

The first one is terrible and heartbreaking and honestly I don’t want to spend a lot of time on it. I see Andrew Dabb as THE great villain of Supernatural, and he truly had a marvelous time ruining everything. The sarcastic nature of the song goes in to speak to the fact that I feel legitimately crazy for how much I blame him. It’s sad and heartbreaking. I think about it sometimes when i hear this song and instantly force myself to stop thinking about it and go back to the other view. 

So the other view is more what you might expect with the vibe of the song... but it is SO HARD for me to put into words, I found. So I’m sorry if this is messy and disjointed and all over the place. 

I spoke in cardigan’s post about how I’m not the fan the show wanted and there’s a large part of the narrative in the folkermore-spn-finale feelings for me that expresses not being the fan the narrative wanted or needed.... Most of the time this is brought up in this, it’s angry, or sad, or whatever... but this time... this time it celebrates it.

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Putting this under a cut because it’s very long. I didn’t mean for this to get this long rip.

I let myself sink into the feelings of wonder and awe I felt when I first fell in love with the show and then let myself find the conclusion that IF I did in fact “ruin everything” (aka the show) by not being the fan the show needed me to be to enjoy it, at least I had a good fucking time!

From that first bit where Taylor sings that Rebekah’s salt box house took her mind of St. Louis.... Supernatural took my mind off my life too. I remember when I first watched the show, I was 20 and I’d just failed out of school (the first time). I was lying to my mother and her husband (who I lived with) about going to school. I rode the city bus at the time because I didn’t have my license yet. I’d leave the house and say I was going to the bus stop down the street. Instead, I hid in the woods that separated my neighborhood from my grandfather’s back yard. I worked at his house “after school” every day from 4-6, taking care of his house, doing light cleaning and cooking, helping him adjust to being a double amputee so it worked out nice. Every night I pre-loaded 5 hours of episodes on my computer so I didn’t need the internet and every day I would sit in the cold on a log and put my computer on a slightly bigger log and curl up in my warm coat for a day of Supernatural before heading inside to Pappou’s house at 4. Sometimes, I just waited until the afternoon when I knew my mom would be gone and I could go home where it was warm and I had wifi. Sometimes though I got wrapped up and I just stayed there.. all day. 

Supernatural is, what I would consider, one of the last great american TV shows. Like... It’s right there with Grey’s Anatomy as the last TV shows that have an actual following where people watch it and it’s a thing that haven’t been corrupted by the streaming world. Television is so important to me, it’s my favorite medium of storytelling and it’s been lost. Streaming destroyed it. People say we’re living in a “golden age” because there’s “so much good TV” but there’s NOT! What we have is high production quality on a lot of mini-series and long-format movies that have been randomly split up into “episodes” but don’t make sense if you space them out in any way. The episodic serial format of television has been LOST and that’s heartbreaking... 

But to me... this song... it’s about The Last Great American TV Show, The Last Great American Fandom, The Last Great American Dynasty over my life, my fandom, my relationship with tv, and my world view. 

The line “How did a middle class divorcee do it?” also just... First of all there’s something so distinctly American about it... We all know Supernatural is itself a sort of lover letter to Americana... it’s the aesthetic of Nowhere USA which is part of what makes it so effective and heartbreaking. The line in the song is about how Rebekah was just... boring, average, a little sad. Someone unremarkable you feel a little pity for. That’s the Nowhere USA of the aesthetic of the show... THAT’S the heartbeat of “Americana.” It’s boring, average, unremarkable, a little sad, you kinda pity it, it shouldn’t be that deep, but it is. It’s when the unremarkable accomplishes the remarkable. And that’s the whole myth they fed us as kids, isn’t it? I could never explain the beauty of this line inside or outside the context of Supernatural to someone who isn’t US American so I’ll just stop trying... but it’s just kljasfkd 

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that first stanza in the first verse... When I fell in love with Supernatural, I was boring unremarkable, a little sad... and the show was a wealth of possibilities... but also I was at a point where I was getting over the main fandom I’d had for the past year and a half (Buffy) and I had just fallen in love with Sherlock and I had nothing but time. I wasn’t bogged down with the anxiety of school, I got to devote my whole life and existence to this show. I was also a wealth of possibilities, and as we know the show was also boring, average, unremarkable, and a little sad. Both me and the show were Bill and both me and the show were Rebekah.

So when the wedding between me and the show was charming, if a little gauche it made sense cause there’s only so far new money goes. For me, this represents 2012-Mishapocalpyse: The Golden Age... Look... It’s no secret 2012 was my favorite year of all time... Tumblr was small and fun and hadn’t been corrupted by wanting or trying to be “cool” or “edgy” or “interesting.” I chose the mishapocalypse for the end of this era to me because that was the last time I felt like I could come on tumblr and really just LET GO into insanity. Almost instantly people were shit talking it as if it was not the single most fun 24 hours this website had ever had. In 2013, we saw the rise of YFIP and people trying so hard to “””prove””” they were “”””cool”””” unlike ~those~ tumblr people!!! It was pathetic. But in 2012, we just... had fun. And it was charming, if a little out there. But there really is only so far that the youthful innocence of an online community that’s new goes. 

But I picked out a home on tumblr. And our parties were tasteful if a little loud. Tumblr in 2012/2013 was..... Fun. From mapcrunch to the mishapocalpyse. Some would argue about taste, but I’d say... “if a little loud.” I really just can’t separate the fun I had on tumblr back then from spn and I can’t separate spn from the fun I had back then. 

But then of course, we all need to settle down some times because the fun doesn’t last forever. In this line, I hear myself in both Bill and Rebekah and I hear the show in both Bill and Rebekah. Both of our hearts gave out and the other way to blame. 

So then the chorus... “who knows if she never showed up what could have been?” I CHANGED because of the show, I don’t know who the hell I’d BE without it! And likewise, I don’t think *I* personally changed the actual show, but the show WAS changed by each one of us. The show itself is folklore, changed and shaped in each retelling. There’s a creative freedom to the chorus that lives in that love.

So then there’s the second verse. After the rose colored glasses came off, Rebekah gave up on the Rhode Island set forever and I gave up on the greater spn fandom forever. I dropped the hellers and joined the tight knit Dean stans. This verse is about living in spite. It’s that wild American rebellion mixed with a little bit of sensual romanticism. In season 9, it was us against the world. And the reality is we were angrier than this verse gives and less free and fun... but looking back, it felt like A Time. I don’t know how to put it into words really but it was like... We found ways (and continue to find ways) to celebrate Dean when we weren’t supposed to. Fuck everyone else Dean is perfect. 

And then in the second verse, we celebrate that rebellion. The change from “the maddest woman” to “the most shameless woman” in the chorus is so important here... In the first chorus, Rebekah and I were mad and crazy and wild. In the second chorus, we had no shame. We lived IN SPITE of the state of the world around us and fucked anyone who had anything to say about it. 

In the first chorus, “who knows if she never showed up what could have been” paired with “maddest” has this creative potential. Like who knows who I would have been without spn and who knows what the show would have been without us, the fandom. And in the second chorus, that line changes to this destructive force. Like the show and I were both shameless to just exist, you know? because we would have been better without each other... but even as it acknowledges that, it’s still... sweet.

So then we have the time I left the fandom. Here we only hear bits and pieces of Rebekah’s life and Rebekah’s time in Holiday House. She was only seen “on occasion.” And on occasion, you could find me reblogging some Dean stan posts, getting into spats with Sam stans, posting about how the writers suck, calling out a heller. But 7 years is a long time and my fandom sat quietly in the history of my blog... And then it was picked up by me. 

Rebekah, in the song, refers to my past. My previous relationship with the show. Taylor’s part refers to my current relationship with the show. 

Who knows if I never showed up what could have been? If I never came back, what would my life look like? It would have been healthier, I’m sure. But then again - I needed this. And if the show hadn’t came back who would I be? 

But there goes the loudest non-woman this fandom has ever seen. I will scream from the ROOFTOPS! and what I want to scream is EVERYTHING from the past but with my full grown adult context. I know now more than I knew then that I had a MARVELOUS TIME ~ruining everything~!!! And I get to CELEBRATE THAT! I get to let go and have fun. I get to sit and think of Nov 5 and how that night, I relived those parties that were tasteful if a little loud. And then every day since I relived flying in the Bitch Pack friends from the city. I get to CELBRATE!

I may not have been the fan the show wanted. I may have fucked shit up. I may have lived in spite of this show even when I lived because of it. But damn I had a marvelous FUCKING TIME Ruining. Everything. Everything this show built it wanted me to see and love and appreciate with these toxic fucking relationships and the destruction of Dean Winchester can KISS MY ASS cause I had a MARVELOUS time fucking that shit up. Everything this show wanted from me that I refused to give it. Every SPEC of growth and learning and fun and enjoyment I have had from this show.... was toxic. It ruined it. Because it was not the growth and learning and fun and enjoyment the show WANTED ME TO HAVE. But damn did I have fun. 

The show and I are the last great American dynasty full of rebellion and spite and damn is it fun. 

[sirladysketch]

List of things I would like to see in DA4/ Rin’s DA4 Bingo Card

With the hype of the trailer, I figured now would be a good time to get all of my thoughts down as to what I’d like to see/what I would do if I was on the DA writer’s team. Now, I haven’t read the most recent comics and I’ve been out of deep fandom for a while, but the things below are based on a series of notes I took after finishing Trespasser for a fic that will never come to pass. Take that as you will, knowing that a lot of my focus is from a Solavellan POV.

Important world state aspects

If you choose to go with a non-mage character, I would love a side mission where you get to go visit the Avvar and join with a literal spirit guide to learn/understand magic for when the Veil falls

Lyrium is titan blood. People should not be ok with that, maybe. I’d like to see groups calling for an end to its sale and use, and anticipate the Carta has things to say about people trying to undermine their main source of income

Tranquil can be healed/reconnected to the Fade and magic. When the Veil falls, I think a lot of them will go mad, and the ones who survive will BE mad and there will be blood

UNLESS you take a diplomatic and practical approach and proactively work with the Avvar to heal them by giving them the spirit guide again (something I planned to have Remli, my Inquisitor, do for Helisma, with the help of Archivist Banon)

Since Tevinter is all about Necromancy, I predict that one of the main characters we meet is actually gonna be a walking corpse/puppeted. They might not be aware of it, but it’ll be up to you to deal with it

If you’re allowed to play as a Dalish elf, I would LOVE to go to an Arlathvhen meeting and look for Fen Harel agents. Specifically I would like to see Varric as an invited guest to document and listen to tales that he can write down and hash into his next bestseller

Pocket-space camps and the gates-- Solas controls the gates, but you KNOW that someone in Tevinter is gonna find a way to hack them. Bonus points/achievement if they say “I’m in”

Agents of Qunari are still going to be around, probably hunting Solas. Not sure if you’d work with or against them (I’d work against)

ENCHANTMENT! Sandal will have his day

It’s 2020, Bioware. Please let me pet the animals, the mounts, and love interests whenever I want

That said, I anticipate that some of the following things will happen, in this approximate order:

Initial “get to know the new main character” storyline will land us in Tevinter and we get to meet Varric somehow, who will probably bring us up to speed on how everyone’s doing-- the Chantry, the mages, the Inquisition (or remnants), what’s left of the Wardens, possibly even some new Dwarven factions, and a few nods to DLC groups (more on that later) Varric will not be romanceable and many tears will be shed because of it.

I’m guessing that there will be a point at which your main character will meet up with your Inquisitor and, if not join them, at least do some side missions together, probably along the lines of “find Solas.” If you didn’t leave Hawke in the Fade, they’ll be there, too. 

About halfway or a third of the way through, you find Solas, or someone you know finds Solas. The Veil falls. I suspect this will entail one of the moons getting destroyed-- falling into the ocean, maybe?-- and the waters off the Storm Coast will settle.

That leads us to what I would call “things go apeshit.” I’m going to bullet them for fast scanning:

Seas are at rest, which means the dragon/lizard people on the other continent now have easy access to come over and invade

The mage vs templar battle will more or less be reskinned as elves vs everyone else-- I foresee a lot of alienages (and their trees) being destroyed in an effort to get rid of Fen Harel agents-- this might happen prior to the Veil collapse, and your actions to help or hinder the massacres will affect later story

Hawke (or whoever you left in the Fade in Inquisition) will appear once the Veil falls, probably in an hour of need during a pivotal battle. If it’s Hawke, don’t get your hopes up that they wanna help you, they’re just there for Varric

During the final battle, Varric’s Bianca will “die.” This is less about the weapon and more about him learning to move on; be happy for him

Ultimately I think we’ll meet up with Solas again with the Inquisitor at your side, and we’ll have two options: fight with him, or against him. This may even be a race-gated thing, where he’ll only ally himself with an elf or at least someone he deems elf-friendly. If you choose to unite with him, you lose your Tevinter allies and probably the Chantry allies too (fuck them anyway, lol)

If you choose to fight him, you’ll be faced with two scenarios-- inquisitor is like HELL YEAH and joins you in the fight, ultimately killing Solas. If your Inquisitor promised to help him, though, or ROMANCED him… they’re going to fight against you, and while Solas will not actively try to stop them, he will go into full out berserker, maybe even wolf form if/when you kill his Vhenan. In this scenario, we’d better get a tender “I’ll love you forever” moment or I will throw hands.

The only other wildcard I see coming into play here is Cole. If he left as a spirit to go be with Solas, I could see him coming to Solas’ side to fight with him. I would worry that being with Solas on his dark road could corrupt him, but he’s always known Solas for who and what he was, so I think he’ll be ok (unless you’re forced to kill him, and if you are how can you live with that save file on your conscience?)

Either way, the moment you’re done with Solas, you’re on the last third of the story, which I’m guessing involves Elvhen gods, Archdemons, and the undead (because Tevinter). 

Honestly those are just initial thoughts that I can remember off the top of my head. I may add more to it as we get closer to actual reveal, but for now, I’m just gonna think about the fic that I’m never going to write.

[limjaeseven]

Content Creator Year in Review

Tagged by the most talented @flurrys-creativity

First creation and most recent creation of 2020: My first fic of 2020 was Sweet Revenge, which I still can’t believe I wrote this year cause it feels like it’s been an eternity since I wrote anything BTS related. My latest fic was the The Boyfriend Dilemma, which actually was supposed to be the second last but i doubt I will be able to finish the other fic I wanted to post by tonight.

One of your favourite creations from 2020: This is a pretty difficult question but I have two answers for it: my personal favourite was Dandelions cause this fic just means a lot to me but other than that, Je Ne Sais Quoi which I wrote for the one and only @triheartedhero was quite high up on my list.

One creation you’re really proud of: Like I mentioned probably Dandelions and also The Boyfriend Dilemma. the latter because I speed wrote it in a little over an hour and it turned out better than I had hoped, also it was my first official JJP fic so that makes it extra special.

A creation that took you forever: All my wips, I have some that I’ve been working on for months and I still am no where close to done with. When it comes to published works maybe Je Ne Sais Quoi? I remember talking quite a bit of time to get around to writing it (If it feels like I’m only talking about 5 fics or so, it’s cause I wrote 14 fics this year, some of which were BTS ones and I don’t really want to get into them cause I’m quite touchy about them)

A creation from 2020 that received the most notes: Mine was definitely the fic that got the most notes, it’s a fic I’m actually quite fond of, even though it was a fem reader fic with Yoonkook. It’s got 273 notes which is unbelievable cause I barely get like 10 notes for a fic these days which can be demotivating sometimes but it is what it is. Also writing Yandere!au was super fun.

A creation you think deserved more notes: Dandelions for sure, the fic has like 11 notes. I’m super attached to this fic and was really sad when it underperformed so bad for me. I know tumblr isnt really the market for mxm work but I just wish that people had read that fic.

A new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: GOT7, of course! Though I joined the fandom last year I only started writing fanfiction for them this year. The first non BTSxGOT7 creation dedicated to G7 i wrote this year was  GOT7 When They Are Jealous which was based off of a request (which was really special cause I NEVER get requests and it was a lot of fun to write).

A creation you made that breaks your heart: This Is Not a Love Song was a difficult fic to write, it was my first gender neutral reader fic and being the sucker for angst I am, it’s painful for even me to read. It was part of a project i did with a net i used to be part of and after what happened there I have even more bitter memories associated with it, and that just adds to the angst personally. It is inspired by one of my favourite songs though, the name of the fic is literally the name of the song, which was originally by Eric Nam.

A ‘simple’ creation that you really love: Maybe  Happily Ever After? It was supposed to be a cutesy Markjin fic and it was really easy to write but I still am very fond of it.

A creation that was inspired by another one: That’s a difficult question, the only fic inspired by some of my own work was  Mine based off of an old fic I’d written on another platform early last year.

A favourite creation created by someone else: Edit: I'm really dumb and I can't read so I totally misinterpreted this question - Wo Ai Ni by @birbdae made me propose to them so it's definitely my favourite

Some of your favourite content creators from this year: So if I’m being honest, I haven’t read a lot of fics on tumblr this year since most of them are fem reader fics and I’m not comfortable reading those fics anymore so the fics I have mostly read have been by the members of GOT7 Writers Collective cause we rec fics back and forth and beta read them as such so the people who’s work I’ve read and enjoyed this year are: @triheartedhero @birbdae @flurrys-creativity @bubblebeom @jjinyounf @dontbekoifish (I’m sure there are a few who I’m missing out so apologies to them)

And for good measure, another couple more creations of yours that you love: Everything that I’ve written till now I’m proud of one way or another but it would make me really happy if my GOT7 work received more attention so here’s the masterlist for that.

All the people mentioned above are tagged, along with anyone else who wishes to take part in this, just assume I tagged you and write!

[fanfic-scribbles]

Broken Pieces

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: Being broken once doesn’t mean you stay broken forever. Sometimes you just need to find another way to fix yourself.

Quick facts: Romance – Bucky Barnes/Reader to Bucky Barnes/Reader/Steve Rogers – Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Fluff, saaaaaaap, Reader meets Bucky as ‘James’ so that’s what they call him throughout the fic

Words: 10,603

Prompt: “You don’t have to fix me.” // “No one is trying to fix you.” for @barnesrogersvstheworld Challenge Challenge

A/N: Written for a lovely writer’s lovely challenge. The prompt is in there, I swear, it just sort of ended up that I got an immediate feel for the scene it came in and then decided to write about 7k words leading up to it. Oy vey. Sorry for the length, but I do like this one. When I do Steve/Bucky/Reader I tend to go with Steve and Bucky being established and bringing the Reader in, (naturally), so I wanted to try something a little different and have Reader be part of the couple before they become a throuple and so this happened. Anyway, please enjoy!

    There’s a man sitting outside your shop.

He’s hunched over, and with the sky still dark in the early morning hours he gives you pause. You’re not sure if he’s waiting for you to open or if this was just the best place he could find to sleep…or if there’s another reason. You walk closer, but he doesn’t budge, and he’s just far enough away from the door that you square up and go for it. He doesn’t so much as look up when you unlock the door, and even when you’re inside locking it back up again he doesn’t seem to have shifted at all. Poor guy. Maybe you’ll take a cup out to him later.

You get caught up in working to make sure you’re ready for the day and forget about him while you put out supplies, start the coffee, and set up the tables. When it’s time to open, Lin, your baker, opens the door on her way out and not seconds later does the bell chime with the first entry. You come up from under the counter and face a man who…looks somewhat familiar. But you don’t have time to place him right now; even working in a coffee shop it’s rare for you to find someone up before the sun because they’re enjoying a slow morning.

“Good morning,” you say. “What can I get for you?”

His brow is furrowed and messy dark hair hangs partly over his eyes, but he scans the display case. His face doesn’t change when he looks back at you. “Just coffee,” he says. Then, quietly: “Please.”

“All right, that’ll be–” When he holds out the money you take it and count out the pile of change. Perfect, down to the last taxed cent. “Any room for cream?”

“No.” Then: “Thank you.”

You smile to yourself and get the man his coffee. When he takes it and sits down, you think you have a second to go check for that other man from earlier. You fill up a small cup, grab a broken muffin, and go outside. Unfortunately, the sidewalk is empty. When you go back inside though, you see your customer, hunched over his table and– ah, so that’s why he’s familiar.

You roll your eyes and make a mental note to take this cup for yourself, since you obviously need it. But though you place the cup on the counter, you take the muffin over to the man, who snaps his eyes up when you set it down. “I didn’t mean to startle you,” you say by way of apology. “Are you hungry? This one came out a little mangled, but I don’t want to waste it.”

His shoulders ease down a millimeter and he stares at the muffin for several seconds before he takes it. “Thank…you.”

“Don’t mention it,” you say, and leave him in peace.

He starts showing up every day, at the same time. After the first week you start asking him if he’d like to come in when you do. Nothing is set up but it’s better than sitting on the cold ground. He shakes his head and waits, and the same routine occurs. You open up, he orders a single coffee he does nothing to doctor, and you give him a pastry that didn’t come out quite right. When Lin catches a glance at him on her way out one morning, though, those ‘misshapen’ pastries become a little…

“Lin,” you say and wait for her to look at you. You hold up the heart-shaped croissant and she casts her eyes down in guilt. “I can start charging extra for these if you want to keep making them. Otherwise…”

“Has he– has he mentioned them?” she asks.

“He, uh…did a double-take?” you say, because he had certainly given you a weird look yesterday when you had handed it to him without even glancing at it. Lin looks mildly pleased, until she sees your face. Then she ducks her head.

“You’ve seen him!” she says.

And, yes, you can understand that. However. “Lin.”

“Okay, fine,” she grumbles.

“Maybe just ask him out?” you suggest gently. “Because it’s definitely a mixed message if I’m the one handing it to him.”

“Okay,” she says but the way she looks askance is–

You groan. “Who put you up to this?”

“I’m no snitch,” she says and slings her bag over her shoulder. “Anyway, I’m, um, late. Bye!”

You don’t even get to ask her what the hell she’s late for at (you check the clock) six in the morning, but unless she quits overnight you’ll be able to subject her to scrutiny tomorrow. As it is you treat your other employees to that gaze and while a couple of them are innocently confused, a notable suspect cracks almost immediately.

“Lin said he looks nice!” Melissa says.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say. “Thank you for your concern. I’m fine.”

She frowns, because she does know better than to just believe you. She’s worked here the longest, and she can be too headstrong for her own good sometimes. You have a chart in the back for ‘x days without a customer altercation’ just for her. Thankfully, today, she backs down.

“She also said he’s really, really cute.”

You sigh heavily. You’re going to have to make a chart of your own: ‘x days without wanting to fire all of my employees.’

“So is he?”

At this rate it’s going to be ‘0’ for a long time.

~

“Good morning,” you greet your new doorstop. He doesn’t respond, as per usual, but you flash him a smile as you unlock the door. “Would you like to come in with me?”

At this point you just wait for his response as a courtesy; it’s always a quiet, “no thank you.” However today he lifts his head and watches you. “Could I…help?”

You freeze with the door halfway open. “You’d like to help me open?”

He inclines his head. “If it’s okay.”

“Of course. If you want,” you say. There’s an awkward pause so you smile and add, “There’s a non-malformed pastry and extra large coffee in it for you if you do a good job.”

He smiles. It’s a small thing but it’s the first real relaxed expression you’ve seen on him. Lin was right– he’s beautiful. He gestures for you to walk in. “After you. Boss.”

You laugh but show him in. While you set up behind the counter you have “Bu– Sol– …just…call me James” take down the chairs and make sure the tables look nice. By the time you have the displays and coffee ready, James has buffed the tables to a near shine, the chairs are placed perfectly around each one, and even the napkins and cream containers are set up. All that and you still have ten minutes before opening.

“Wow, I think I even have time to have breakfast this morning,” you say and, hey, that’s a thought. “All right James; what would you like?”

“Same thing,” he says shyly. “Please.”

You grab the best looking croissant and fill the largest coffee cup you have with his preferred blend. After a moment you grab yourself a drink and make a breakfast sandwich (maybe you’ll entice him by the smell) and go to the table he has, as always, chosen. “For you,” you say and put his food in front of him. “Do you mind if I join you?”

Already a bite in, he glances at you, then the seat across, and shakes his head. You sit down, secure in the fact that over in this corner no customer is going to see you and think they can get in early. You breathe a sigh of relief. “Thanks for your help today, James. I never get to enjoy my breakfast anymore,” you say and take a bite.

To your pride, he does look taken by your sandwich. “It’s the least I could do,” he mumbles and scarfs his food down. A big guy like that can’t possibly subsist on coffee and one single croissant, but you don’t press. Even though you want to.

“You don’t have to. Lin is great at what she does, but not everything turns out perfect and I hate to waste things,” you say. “So it’s kind of a favor.”

James snorts. “Her food is perfect.”

“Yesss!”

You look to the side. James doesn’t look too concerned that Lin is hanging out of the back. His eyes barely flick at her and back at his drink, and you wonder if he knew she was there. Not that it matters; you give Lin your best glare and she wilts behind the wall. “I was just coming to say goodbye! Have a nice date! I mean– breakfast! I meant breakfast!” She then hefts her bag onto her shoulder and books it out the back.

You sigh and shake your head. When you look up again, James is staring at you oddly. “I’m really sorry about her,” you say. “She’s a good person but she and some of my co-workers try to set me up. All the time.”

He looks utterly mystified. “Even with some unwashed vagrant who just started showing up?”

You shrug. This has been going on too long for you to feel embarrassed anymore. “You’re not that bad. But…that’s what they think my dating life is. I guess.”

He looks mildly alarmed. “You shouldn’t do that. You don’t know if someone’s safe.”

You smile at the chiding tone. Apparently protectiveness is such an inherent part of him he can’t help but be more expressive now. “True,” you say. “And don’t worry; I’m not exactly…jumping at the chance to be with just anyone. Not being in a relationship is better than being in a bad one.” You leave it at that and so does James, seemingly content to sip his coffee while you finish your breakfast in the peace and quiet of a relaxed early morning.

~

This becomes your new normal. Eventually James doesn’t even ask anymore; he just follows in behind you and silently sets to work, every single day. You do get him to try the sandwiches, among other things. You also offer him a proper job helping out but he declines. “I’m a free agent,” he says with a ghost-like smile. You’re missing something but you don’t think the joke is yours to get.

On the less positive end (for you), being a fixture means you stop noticing him so much. Especially when it’s an odd time and the shop is empty and you’re dealing with an asshole on the phone who can’t see your nonverbal ‘I’m going to break a coffee cup and shove the pieces down your gullet’ warning signs. You slam down the phone in frustration, lean your elbows on the counter, and start rubbing your temples to prepare for many more headaches to come. It’s not even seven yet; how is this day already going so poorly?

“Headache?”

“People need to fuck off,” you mutter. You hear a broom stop and realize who you just said that to. You don’t know James’s stance on swearing, but you wince and turn anyways. “Sorry,” you say to his startled expression.

He actually cracks a smile. He ducks his head fast and goes back to sweeping, but that oncoming human-induced migraine goes right away, and you think that this morning isn’t going so badly after all.

~

Melissa and James have met briefly, but he’s never stayed more than ten minutes after she comes on shift. Lin, however, might actually be in love with him.

“Can I let him in in the mornings?”

It’s an innocent question after a few minutes of good-natured bickering while Melissa pretends to ignore the both of you, but you drop your pen. Expenses are boring anyways, but there’s no explanation for why you react to her question with such a…well, you wouldn’t call it a violent start (god, no) but if you had feathers they’d be ruffled. And you have no idea why.

“Uh…” Lin shares an odd look with Melissa, who stops washing dishes. “Sorry; I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No! No,” you say to her, and you tell yourself to get your shit together. “No, it’s fine. In fact you should; he’s fine to come in and there’s…there’s no reason he should…wait outside. For me. It’s fine.”

Her eyebrows go way up. “Uh huh.”

You slump. “I don’t know why I reacted like that,” you say. “I guess I just like seeing him when I come in.”

Again, Lin and Melissa share a look. “Stop it,” you warn them.

“Don’t get so defensive,” Melissa says, lips curling up. “It’s nice to have friends too, you know.”

“Yes, it is good to have friends,” you say. You then pretend you don’t see the next look they share.

You do, however, reset your personal counter to zero.

~

It’s cold and raining hard enough to fill your ears with the cacophonous sound of water crashing upon pavement. Still, a familiar shadow looms by your door and as soon as you see him you run forward, despite slippery ground and endless puddles. Shit, shit, shit; you should have told Lin to let him in.

“Come on,” you tell him and unlock the door as fast as you can. You get inside and turn to lock the door behind him, but he doesn’t follow. You toss your umbrella to the side and frantically motion for him to come in.

He looks down at the floor and then to you, squinting when the wind bursts and blows rain sideways. “I’ll get the floor dirty.”

You roll your eyes and– because the rain is starting to come inside– you grab the front of his shirt and yank him towards you. He stumbles but doesn’t fall, and you slam the door shut. You flip the lights on low and James is– “God; you look like you jumped in a lake,” you say. “You’ve got to be freezing.”

“I’ve been colder,” he says, like that’s a reasonable defense. The water must have flooded his brain.

“Lin!” you call out. She scrambles into view, phone in hand and one earbud dangling precariously. “Do we have any spare towels?”

“Yeah,” she says and drapes the cord over her shoulder. “Do you want me to bring them to you?”

“No, just go get them out,” you say and motion for James to follow.

This time he does so without protest, though when you have your resident drowned rat sitting down in the bright lights of the kitchen, he stares sullenly at the watery trail. “I’m going to have to mop all of that.”

You roll your eyes and Lin snorts as she hands him the first towel in a pile. “I’ll give you a good enough breakfast to make up for it,” you say and glance over at the backpack he’s started carrying around. “Do you have a spare set of clothes?”

“Shirts,” he says and uses a new towel to squeeze some excess from his sleeve. The fabric wrinkles and sits awkwardly on his arm.

“Hopefully they didn’t get too soaked,” you say as an idea slowly worms into your head. It’s not a great idea, on first glance; in fact it’s probably terrible, but…you already trust him with your shop, your employees. That’s so much more than this.

Lin waves her hand in your face. “Ground control to Major Tom.”

You flinch back from how close she is. She starts to apologize but you say, “I’ll go start the coffee. Lin, give him something really good.”

“Everything Lin makes is really good,” James says.

“A man with excellent taste!” Lin says, chest puffing out with pride and she goes to check on whatever she has in the oven.

“Suck up,” you say.

James gives you a sly smile and a wink.

~

He’s damp but he has a hot drink and a pile of food in front of him. You don’t know what he said to Lin after you left, but apparently she melted like butter on a hot muffin. He eats, seemingly unconcerned with anything else, and you– well, you literally mind your business. The rain slows down over time but the morning is fairly quiet. Even the first rush is less than usual, which gives you plenty of time and reason to send a quick text.

James is still nursing his drink when Melissa stumbles in, fumbling with her umbrella and right on time. As far as you’re concerned, at least– James lifts his head to look at the clock and he frowns at what he sees.

“Thank you,” you tell her as she passes by.

“No problem-o; just give me a minu–” She stops and faces James. “Oh geeze, James, you really got caught in it, didn’t you?”

“It’s just rain,” he says like a sulking child and hunches over his cup.

Melissa rolls her eyes. “Yes, yes, you big manly man you,” she says and gives him a very dainty pat on the shoulder, earning herself quite a dirty look.

While she goes to set her things down, you square up your courage and approach him. He stares at you, waiting, but you’re not sure how to do this. In the end you blurt out: “Do you trust me?”

He gives it some thought. “Mostly,” he decides.

For a man as stand-offish as him, it feels like a stamp of validation. “Then come with me. Melissa’s going to watch the shop and I’ll take you to where you can dry your clothes and have a hot shower.”

He blinks. A few times. Then his forehead creases. “Are you…sure?”

You nod. When all is said and done and Melissa is handling the counter and you have your things ready to go, you hand James the umbrella. He gives you a weird look so you say, “You’re taller.”

“I’m already wet.” He tries to hand it back by pushing it at you. “You’ll get wet just by being near me.”

“I don’t know what you and Lin have been talking about, but I don’t actually melt when I come into contact with water,” you say. “Besides that, you’re not dripping anymore, which means if we keep you from getting wetter it’ll mean less water on my floor, and my jacket can handle…” you gesture at him, “–this. Now take the damn umbrella.”

He takes the damn umbrella and the two of you make the trek down the street to your apartment. It’s a little awkward; James is stiff and you’re trying so hard to ignore it, but the rain is coming down enough that you need to pack in together. Thankfully, you make it to your place relatively quickly.

When you step inside, James does a double-take that you’ve become accustomed to. “Yeah, I know,” you say and shrug off your jacket. Fresh starts don’t come without a cost.

“When did you move in?” he asks and looks around. Not that there’s much to look at in this room besides a couch and a coffee table. And your kitchen, with mostly bare counters, aside from the obligatory coffee maker, which…actually you can’t remember the last time you used it. Whenever you want a cup you just go to the shop to get one, or you’re already there. Most often the latter.

“A year or so ago,” you say, even though it’s been more now. “But I got really busy opening the shop and ever since then I spend more time there than here.” You clear your throat and go to open the laundry closet to gesture at the stackers. “Ta da. Washing, drying; soap is on the shelf here. And the bathroom is right down the hall.”

He inclines his head. “Thank you. But…”

You wait. “But?”

“Why are you letting me in your home?”

It’s a good question. Thankfully there’s an easy answer. “I let you in my home every morning,” you say. “At five am. I let you around the biggest investment I ever made, around people that I need to look out for. This?” You wave dismissively at the space. “I sleep here, do laundry, and take showers. You can too, if you like. Just let me know.”

He’s silent and completely blank for several seconds that feel like minutes. Then he takes a shaky breath.

“Thank you.”

~

He comes in every morning with Lin now. You’re not sure what he does while she bakes, but she gushes about what a good listener he is, and he seems content to join you in the front when you get in. In the first few weeks you have to prod him about whether he would like a shower and a nap, and he always shifts nervously at first before inevitably acquiescing. When you get comfortable enough to just hand him your keys, he soon gets comfortable enough to start asking you, and eventually all he has to do is walk up to you and hold out his hand for you to drop your keys into his waiting palm.

One night though he comes around while you’re home. The soft knocking gets you up and checking the peephole to see the surprise visitor. James looks wet and miserable– odd, since the sky is clear– and as soon as you open the door you’re met with a stench that makes you gag. “Oh my–” You cover your mouth and nose with your hands. “James, did you fall in a sewer?!”

“Something like that,” he mutters, head down. “I’m sorry, but can I–”

“Please.” You move aside so he can get through and you eye the muddy (please god let that be mud) footprints he leaves in his wake.

“I brought my own soap,” he says.

“Do you want bleach too?”

“Very funny.”

As soon as he’s in the bathroom you break out a mop and cleaner (you weren't completely joking about the bleach) and go to town until that smell is covered by chemicals. For good measure, you wipe down the front of the door and prepare a fresh bucket for whatever your bathroom looks like.

When James comes out he’s wearing fresh sweatpants, no shirt, and has a towel draped over his left shoulder and arm. You can’t see much of that half, but you can see some pretty thorough scarring peeking out over his (nice, really, really nice) chest. “Do you think a backpack can go in a washing machine?”

“I think it’ll be fine,” you say. You watch as he places a hand over the spiderweb scars and he shrinks back. “Um. I have a robe you can use if you want.”

“Really?” he asks. When you nod he looks relieved. “Thanks. Do you have a mop?”

“All ready to go.” You gesture at it. “I changed the water and everything.”

His forehead crinkles. “You– oh.” He looks at the floor and frowns. “You should have let me do that.”

“I’ll let you do the bathroom,” you say. He doesn’t look appeased so you use the mop handle to shove the bucket across the floor to him. “Get your laundry going and mop the bathroom; then you can have the robe.” You just weren't sure he’d want to keep it once he saw it.

~

“Do you have bunny slippers to complete the look?” James asks dryly as he comes back out of the bathroom tying the sash. He’s wearing one black glove, you can’t help but notice, but he looks a lot more relaxed. Also, the black is accentuated nicely by the bright pink. “Also, why the hell is this thing so big?”

“David bought it for me as a gag gift one year and that was the only size they had, or so he said.” You put your book down. “Joke’s on him– it’s really comfortable.”

“It is.” He rubs the sleeve between two fingers of his ungloved right hand. “Soft. Who’s David?”

“He works afternoons.”

“Ah.” James then stands there awkwardly. Probably because the couch is all he takes when he’s here.

You get up. “Hey, are you hungry?”

“Sort of,” he says hesitantly. “But I can get my own food.”

“That’s fine. However, if you want to help me out…” You dig in your freezer and pull out a few boxes to show him. “Melissa recommended this brand to me and I bought a bunch of dinners when it was on sale, but it’s just not doing it for me. If you want them, they’re yours.”

James looks at you like he’s trying to see if you’re hiding something. Then he says, “Okay. Thanks.”

“Re-thinking how much you trust me?” you ask jokingly and put the food back.

He smirks and lounges on the couch, making that fluffy, ruffle-y robe look real good. Comfort suits him, you think. “How do I know you’re not a serial killer?”

“You’ve seen how much time I spend at the shop,” you say. “I barely have five minutes to stab someone, let alone get rid of a body.”

“Right.” He pauses. “Too bad– this place really looks like it’s just for chopping up bodies.”

You stumble on your way to the linen closet. “Hey.”

James laughs.

~

That’s how James comes to live with you. Unofficially, and not all the time, but often enough that you get him a spare key. He then starts contributing in…strange, but not unwelcome ways.

“Here,” he says and opens his arm over the masterpieces on the counter.

“Oh my god, you made cupcakes?” You immediately dig in. They’re so good and you haven’t eaten since morning.

“Yeah,” James says, a pleased smile forming on his face. “Don’t worry; I bought my own supplies.”

Like you’d care if he raided your bare pantry. You swallow. “Yeah, no, I’m pretty sure I don’t have a box mix.”

The way he crinkles his nose is familiar– you see it anytime you discuss anything even remotely food-prep related with your baker. “It’s not from a mix.”

The look on your face must speak for you. “I can cook.” He rolls his shoulders and looks away. “And Lin’s been giving me pointers on baking.”

You think you might be willing to spend more time in your apartment if James is going to be here.

~

James has something to tell you.

Unfortunately you’re afraid if you let him come out with it on his own, you’ll be old and gray and he’ll have formed into a literal ball of tension. So you’re going to ask him about it. You want to, at least, but you wonder if his secret is that he’s psychic because as soon as you decide this he becomes impossible to get one-on-one.

As soon as you have a minute to sit down, he’s gone. When he comes in, he stays with Lin. When you try to get him at the door he escapes out the back, despite you getting Melissa to run interference.

The final straw comes when you go to bed without seeing him and wake up much the same– but you do see the neatly folded blanket on the couch that tells you he was here.

You sigh and take a moment to write a quick note.

‘James, I won’t ask you about whatever it is you don’t want to talk about. You don’t have to sneak around. I’ll leave you alone.’

You sign your name and leave the note on the blanket.

When you get to work you’re unsurprised to see James isn’t there. Lin, however, slumps with disappointment when you come through alone. “Is he not coming today?”

“I don’t know,” you say and toss your keys on the desk.

“Did…did you guys have a fight?” she asks warily.

“Not that I know of,” you say. You make sure your jacket is firmly on the hook and start for the front. “I’m going to put the music on early; is that okay with you?”

“Oh boy,” she mutters under her breath just before you leave her radius.

But she doesn’t bother you for the rest of the morning, and apparently she also gets the word out, because even Melissa and your new employee Devika leave you alone. That, or they can feel the annoyance seeping from you. It’s not the way you’d like to be, so you try to keep to the back as much as possible.

It’s stupid. It feels stupid. James’s issues are his own and you don’t need to feel so upset over it, but the feeling creeps over you throughout the day and tendrils around and around until you finally realize just what is making you feel so strongly, and it’s not that James is avoiding you for reasons unknown. It’s that you know the signs, and the first person you’ve felt almost completely safe with in a long, long time is going to leave soon.

Fuck.

~

“Hey. I need to tell you something.”

You blink your eyes open to nearly utter darkness and James, barely lit by light from outside. You squint at him. “James? What time is it?”

“2:24,” he says.

You struggle to sit but you wake up. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. We gotta talk,” he says and sits on the edge of the bed.

“You couldn’t wait an hour for me to wake up?” you ask and really squint when he turns on the bedside lamp.

“I’ve been chickening out of this for long enough.” You smell the coffee before he hands it to you. “Here.”

You take a sip. Not bad. “I didn’t know I had any coffee in the house.”

James snorts. “You didn’t. You’ve never even used that coffee maker.”

“I think I have.” You try to remember. “Once?”

“The manual was still inside.”

“Oh.” You take a few more sips, but the more you stall the more James looks like he’s about to bolt. Eventually you sigh and put– well, accidentally slam– the cup down. “James, if you want to leave, you can. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I know. I don’t want–” His eyes bug out and he has to center himself. The way he then looks at you is…flat. Resolute. “You're going to want me to leave. And that’s okay. I’m…I’m thankful. You’ve been good to me, even though I’ve done nothing to deserve it. Done everything to not deserve it, actually.”

“Are you the serial killer out of the two of us?” you joke.

“Does assassin count?”

You can’t laugh, because he’s not joking. He’s really not joking when he tells you about it. About how he fell to nearly certain death but was…not saved but retrieved; and how he was tortured and brainwashed and then ordered to do terrible things as ‘The Winter Soldier’–

“Hey,” you say, a strange memory tugging at your brain. “Isn’t ‘the Winter Soldier’ the guy who tried to kill–”

James holds out a book and opens it. You recognize it as an old textbook, but what’s inside is more important. It’s his face, taking up nearly an entire page, and the caption just above his thumb reads “Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes–”

“What the hell.” You’re really glad you put the coffee down but there’s only so much you can take in at– you look– three in the morning. But if James is telling a tale he’s really selling it. Especially when his left hand catches your eye and you realize it looks like metal. You grip it and it is metal, but he lets you pull and poke at it and then he curls his fingers around your hand and holy shit.

You let go and pinch the bridge of your nose. Too. Early. “James, are you all right? Is someone coming to hurt you? Do you need to go into hiding? Will you come back?”

He blinks. “You– I–” He frowns. “I just told you what a monster I am and you’re worried that I won’t come back?”

“Yes,” you blurt out, awash in relief that he doesn’t want to leave, it’s just that he might have to. Somehow, that does make it better. And worse. “Do you need me to buy you a plane ticket?”

“Jesus Christ.” He rubs his face. “You’re unreal.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you say. “And I’m not the one who decided to make the confession of a lifetime by rousing someone out of bed at two in the morning.”

He’s quiet. So are you. Honestly, part of you is wondering how easily you’re believing this, but– that’s James’s face, and that arm is– and Captain America had that press conference to vouch for the Winter Soldier’s innocence, and is this any weirder than aliens and global conspiracies?

“It’s a lot,” he says. “I’ll give you a few days to think about it.” He gets up and, before you can say a word, slips out of the window. The last you see of him is his hand, glinting in the light.

~

You’re sitting at James’s table and staring at his face in the book when you hear a gasp from behind you. You jump out of your skin and turn in your chair to see Lin gawking at the photo. “I thought he looked like– but– oh my god, what if he got the serum too?!”

Right. Captain America fan number one; how could you forget. You rub your temples. “Before you get too deep into the conspiracy rabbit hole, sit down and let me explain.”

She plops down and stares at you attentively. You can only hope she doesn’t have anything in the oven. Regardless, you do your best to recount what James told you, and include some of his stories. Lin reacts mostly how you expect her to.

“Poor James,” she says and holds her heart. “When Captain America came back there were a lot of conspiracy theories about how the same might have happened to him; the camp he was held in did a lot of–” She cringes. “But it…makes sense that they might have got some of it right.”

“Mm hm.” Sense. Right.

“Is he in trouble? Do we… will we have to fight Captain America?”

You open your mouth to reassure her, only to realize that she doesn’t seem to need reassurance at all. “You…sound a little too excited at the idea.”

“Oh, he would destroy us,” Lin says, still too excited in your opinion. “But it would give James time to escape and–” she sighs with longing, “–what a way to go.”

You hope James comes back soon. In the meantime, you’re going to look up some good therapists. It sounds like everybody here needs one.

~

James is standing outside the shop, slightly bent but not completely hunched. It’s not raining, but it is foggy out. He watches you approach, like he’s just waiting for the moment you’ll tell him to beat it.

“You have good timing.” You unlock and hold open the door. “Lin said she’s going to be experimenting today.”

He hesitates but then stands up straight and walks in ahead of you.

He doesn’t talk about leaving again.

~

James is fiddling at the sink when you finally get rid of a very friendly customer. You toss the paper they left without giving it a glance and since it’s a quiet period, you start working on making notes for ordering. You can feel James staring at you and you think you know why, so you ignore him.

“He was nice.”

Bingo.

“He was,” you agree, not lifting your head from your notebook.

“He was flirting with you.”

“I noticed,” you say, but James’s tone is flat enough to draw your attention. He’s as focused on the cup he’s drying as you were with the page you were writing on.

“Then why don’t you…” The silence stretches on and that dish is getting to be very dry. “Respond?”

You sigh. “Did the girls put you up to this?”

“No. I just…” The ceramic cracks in his hands and he flinches.

“It’s all right; it’s just a cup,” you say and scan for blood. Nothing, thank goodness.

“You didn’t even let me say anything,” he grumbles and pulls his hands open to stare at the big broken pieces.

“Either I’m psychic or you’re predictable.” You point at the door to the back. “The big trash can just inside has a better bag.”

“Okay.” He dumps the shards inside the remainder of the cup for the time being. “But you…you’re good.”

He’s trying to express something and you’re not sure what. “I’m a lot of things,” you tell him.

“You’re a good person,” he insists. He finally looks at you, eyes narrowed even though he says, “You deserve something like that.”

That’s a loaded sentence, but you know what he means. “I’m a lot of things,” you repeat. “And…there’s no such thing as deserving. At least, I hope not.”

“You and me both,” he mutters and you snort.

“If I deserve anything, then I hope I deserve to go after what I want.” You’re tempted to move closer. You lean on the counter to stop yourself. “I’ve had people who thought they ‘deserved’ me. Or parts of me. But it doesn’t work like that. Nobody really gets what they deserve, I don’t think. But sometimes that’s a good thing.”

“Are you sure about that?” James’s voice is strained like he’s on a wire.

“Emphatically yes.”

There’s silence, and staring, and not much else for several seconds. Maybe even minutes. James, eventually, awkwardly, slinks to the back, cup in hand and an unintelligible excuse leaving his lips. You get back to work and are unsurprised when you go back to shut off the lights and find that you’re utterly alone.

You are surprised when you get home and he’s there. He gets up off the couch and comes up to you before you can hang your coat.

“What if I want the wrong thing?”

You try to mentally catch up to where he is. Failing that, you ask, “Who says it’s wrong?”

“Me.”

“Then is it really wrong?”

He moves even closer– so much closer; breath-hitting-skin closer. “I want…to believe that people get what they deserve.”

He looms over you, eyes wide, almost wild, and yet you have never feared anyone less. You swallow that overwhelming thought, because you know exactly what he means. If only he was talking about Hydra. “Say and think what you want but I’ll never believe you deserve what you think you do. You deserve soft blankets, and cups of good coffee, and pastries.”

His nostrils flare and his lips press together tightly. He has to compose himself. “I’ll never be tame.”

“You’ll never be soft,” you correct. “Not completely. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have those things. If you want them.”

His throat pulses like he’s swallowing a rock. “I want a lot.”

“Then ask.”

~

He never does– not directly, anyway. He tilts his head when you’re dealing with an irate customer and stands down at your signal. He asks if you need anything from the sandwich shop. He leaves for a few days and comes back with flowers, and stares at you to see if you like them. He puts his hand on your shoulder, light and ready to leave, until you lean into his touch.

The day he first bends down to kiss you, he stops just before he reaches your lips, until you let out a breathless “uh huh,” and then he doesn’t leave for a long time.

It’s not perfect. You get snappish; he broods and disappears. But at the end of the day you apologize or he comes back and the two of you twine together at night.

It’s not perfect, but you’d be hard-pressed to think of anything better.

~

There’s a man standing outside your shop.

He’s tall and incredibly well built, but hunched over himself like he holds the world on his shoulders. When he sees you coming, though, he stands up straight and smiles like ‘tired’ doesn’t exist. It’s almost impressive, how quickly he flips that switch.

“Good morning,” you greet the stranger as you start to unlock the door.

“Morning,” he replies, like it’s mid-morning instead of a barely broken dawn still in the midst of shaking off the dark. “What time do you open?”

“Not for another hour I’m afraid,” you say and glance in.

“That’s all right,” he’s quick to reassure you. “I can wait.”

“I’ll see if I can’t move a little quicker,” you say.

He shakes his head. “It’s fine; there’s no rush.”

“All right.” You step inside and hold the door just a crack. “But if I come back to open up and find out you’ve been lured away by the siren call of Starbucks then I’m going to be very upset.”

You shut the door on Captain America’s laughter.

You go through the door to the back to put your things down. James and Lin are at work frosting something. You hesitate and wonder if you should ask him aside when he, still concentrated on his piping, says, “I know.”

“What do you want me to do?” you ask. Lin is so focused she’s not being nosy, so it’s technically just the two of you right now.

“If he asks…” James stops and sits back. He sighs. “Never mind; I’ll talk to him. Just…do what you normally do.”

You kiss his cheek. “I’ll run interference if you need it.”

“What’s going on?” Lin asks, blinking as she’s broken out of the zone by the realization she’s lost her assistant.

“The love of your life, ‘Captain of your heart,’ is here,” you say, watching James’s face. He snorts, but his flat expression doesn’t change at all.

Lin gasps and drops her piping bag right onto the cookie she was working on. Well, there’s your breakfast, at least. “How’s my hair? Do I have–” Lin catches sight of James and does a 180. She slumps. “Wait, do we actually have to fight Captain America now? I’m not ready for this…”

James does lighten up when he looks at her. “Why do you think you have to fight him?”

“To give you a head start,” Lin says. “By the way, if you ever need a different place to lay low, I have a trench coat, a wide variety of wigs, and a go-bag stashed in my hall closet.”

She goes back to frosting like she hadn’t just made you (and James) stare agog. You and James then share a look. He opens his mouth to speak.

“If you’re not going to run, though, you need to get back to work.”

You smile when James rolls his eyes. “You heard the boss,” you say and squeeze his shoulder on the way out, only letting go when your feet take you too far.

The morning progresses…normally, if not easily. Captain America is your first customer of the day and he is entirely pleasant. He boasts that he didn’t even think about going to Starbucks and you give him a free croissant for a reward. However even if you somehow didn’t  know why he was here before, it becomes painfully apparent when he sits down and goes on watch more pointed than a cartoon hunting dog.

The clock ticks and you go about your day, tending to customers as they come and go. It’s after Lin has left when James finally puts the poor guy out of his misery– by coming in the front door and plopping down right across from him. You get to be witness to Captain America almost being taken out by a heart attack. You and one other customer, but she looks more interested in her coffee than anything around her.

Or so you think. You can’t hear the conversation James is having with his old friend but that doesn’t stop you from checking in. Frequently. However at one point you happen to notice your other customer staring intently at them– and then she makes direct eye contact with you.

Shit. She stands, paper cup in hand, and saunters towards you. You wait, but just as soon as she gets to the counter, James slides between you and it.

Even with him blocking her there, you can feel the tension ratchet. When you peer around him, it’s mostly what you expect– Captain America is out of his seat and crouching like he expects to fight. The woman, however, simply looks up at James with a single raised brow.

“I just wanted a refill.” She raises her cup.

James doesn’t move. “Bucky?” Captain America says warily, edging closer. Nobody backs down.

You poke James in the back but he still doesn’t budge, so you sigh and reach over his shoulder to hold your hand out. The cup is placed in your palm and you take it over to the coffee machine. When you bring it back, though, you notice a problem. “James, I cannot get this over you. Scoot three inches to the left, please.”

He moves so infinitesimally you’d be willing to bet he somehow followed your directions down to the centimeter. However it’s enough space for you to give the woman her drink.

“‘James?’” comes from startlingly close to you and you turn to find Captain America encroaching on your space. Instinct kicks in at that point, so hard that when James tries to move you hold him aside with one arm.

“Sir,” you say, maybe a little sharp but you hate having too many people behind the counter, especially when they don’t belong there. “Are you one of my employees?”

“Um…no?” the captain says uncertainly.

“Then you need to step back from behind the counter.” You narrow your eyes at him when he doesn’t move. “Now.”

He backs up a step, bewildered. “Yeah Steve,” the woman says. “Employees only.”

You don’t look at her, but ‘Steve’ does, and he then follows an invisible line to the aprons you have hanging in the front. James has one, of course, though he never wears it, and that must be what the captain sees. “O-…oh.”

“Do either of you need anything else?” you ask. Politely.

“No,” the woman says. “In fact, I think we’ll be leaving for the day. Steve?”

Captain America looks set to argue, but he looks at James and…softens. Almost unnervingly. You don’t know why it puts you on edge, but you stay so even when the captain swallows anxiously. “Can we…come back tomorrow?”

James nods but remains a wall of tension. As soon as they're out the door you tug at James’s shirt until he turns and you can wrap your arms around him, and he can do the same to you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles into your shoulder. “But I–…it’s…a lot.”

“It’s okay,” you say. You’re going to say more, but over James’s shoulder you see Captain America looking in the window, and the expression on his face punches you in the gut. ‘Heartbroken’ doesn’t begin to cover it.

Even after James slinks away to the back and Melissa comes in just in time to help with the rush, you can’t stop thinking about it.

~

You get a clearer picture the next day, when Captain Rogers comes alone and he and James have a conversation filled with more awkward pauses than actual words. However when James stands up and turns to leave, the captain looks at him with unrestrained longing, and James’s face is an absolute mess of tangled emotion.

Well.

You don’t freak out or panic, though. James has never made you feel anything less than loved and wanted and even with Captain Rogers apparently taking an extended vacation in your town, you don’t feel threatened.

James’s nightmares get a little worse, though, and you both weather it the best you can. Even one night when he cries out, “STEVE!” and shoots up in bed. You hold him until he stops shaking, and neither of you mention it after the fact.

It takes you a week before you find the courage to bring up the issue. You corner James in the back while he’s waiting for the muffins to come out. “We need to talk. About Ca– about Steve.”

“Now?” James glances at Lin but she’s wearing headphones. He looks at the oven and sighs heavily. “Okay.”

It’s not like this is comfortable for you either, but you’d rather have it done and over with. “So you two were…”

“Yes.”

“Do you not…”

James looks at you and frowns. “It’s…complicated.”

Obviously– however. “How so?”

He slips his hand in yours and grips. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Then don’t,” you say. He stares at you blankly, so you squeeze his hand. “I’m not going anywhere, and I know you aren’t either. If you want him, tell him. Maybe he’ll be okay with it too.” He inhales sharply and you kiss his hand. “I know what you think but I believe you deserve good things, like love. More than that, I believe you deserve to go after what you want.”

He shakes his head, but squeezes your hand in return. “You always say that. One day you’re going to tell me ‘no.’”

“Only when it comes to special desserts Lin makes for me, cake thief.” You back off. “Now get your boyfriend to stop looking at us with the sad puppy eyes; my heart can’t take much more Sarah McLachlan bait.”

~

You don’t see the conversation but you know when it happens. Mostly because, yes, the sad eyes do stop. Instead, they become lovelorn towards your shared partner, and grateful towards you. And Capta– Steve– starts showing up in…other…places.

Like your couch, where he sits like he’s always been there. When he sees you staring though he scrambles up. “Hi, uh…Bucky’s in the shower.”

“Okay.” You set your things down. “Would you like something to drink?”

“No thank you,” he says politely but stands awkwardly. “How long have you and Bucky lived together?”

“I don’t know exactly,” you say and get yourself something. “I started off offering my place for him to shower and nap and he just started sticking around.”

“This is your apartment?” Steve looks surprised as he scans the place. “It’s very…”

“Sparse?” you suggest dryly.

“Minimalist,” he says politely.

James snorts as he comes out of the bathroom drying his hair and wearing only his favorite sweatpants. “I told ya– serial killer.”

“I bought something!” you say and gesture at the little decorative setup on the counter with the cute pig statue and vase of fake flowers. Both James and Steve look at each other like they’re incredibly unimpressed. “You two deserve each other,” you say and fold your arms.

Steve’s eyes soften as he looks to James and they don’t lose much of that fondness when he looks at you. “Thank you,” he says earnestly. “For being okay with this.”

“I’m okay as long as you are,” you say. “I’m not sure how much you know about poly relationships…”

“A little,” Steve says before you can go on. “We’re a ‘V’, right?”

You stare at Steve. You look at James, but he’s also staring at Steve. So you go back to staring at Steve.

Steve fidgets. “I’ve been reading.”

“You’ve been reading?” you repeat. Not that you’re an expert, but you feel like the guy born in the 1910s now knows more than you.

Steve flushes red. James rolls his eyes, drapes the towel behind his neck, and goes to sling his arm across Steve’s shoulders. “Yeah, he’s a fucking nerd. He took a suitcase of books to basic.”

Steve’s face whips to the side. “How do you know that?!”

“Read it in a book,” James quips and kisses him.

And so it starts. Sleeping arrangements are awkward at first and take some time to get right. Steve apparently has a place to stay but after the first several days of you two trading James back and forth like reasonable divorced parents, they give up the ghost and just stay with you. Apparently Steve’s place is on a level less than your ‘serial killer hovel.’

“I never called it a hovel,” James says. He then steals your laptop from right under your fingers and slides a plate in its place. “No work at the dinner table,” he says and walks away.

“At least save it!” you tell him, maybe snapping, but it took you almost an hour to make that damn spreadsheet do what you wanted. Steve is smiling though so you direct your fading ire at him. “Your boyfriend is annoying.”

“Your boyfriend can be very annoying,” he says and smiles wickedly. “Just wait until you get sick.”

Sleeping doesn’t get much less awkward yet. Steve tries to bypass the issue by taking the couch, but after a couple of days it seems cruel that he can’t ever lie with James, and that he’s all scrunched up.

“I can’t take your bed,” he says.

“Maybe we can share?” you suggest and look at James for the okay. “It’s a really big bed. And has a pretty, not-serial-killer comforter.”

James rolls his eyes so hard he hurts himself.

The first run of this plan hits a snag, though, when all three of you very suddenly discover that James does not like being boxed in in any way. It takes so long to calm him down and coax him back to bed that you pass out on the other side of Steve while he comforts James.

The next night you and Steve awkwardly (because that’s the name of the game now, apparently) work out a system where James is always at his preferred side while the two of you trade who takes the center.

This falls apart, again, because Steve also does not like being in the center at all. Not that he tells you this, no; you just go to sleep on Steve’s other side and wake up ensconced by him and James. It freaks you out at first, but Steve has left room between the two of you and James’s arm is wrapped around your middle.

You keep up the farce for a little while, until you decide you’d rather save Steve the effort and you the daily morning heart attack, and you just never switch again. After that, it actually becomes easier to get comfortable. James still spends time with you and Steve separately, but you all go to bed together. It’s weird, but it works.

Steve stays while his friends cover for him back home, but there’s not much for a supersoldier to do, so he hangs around.

Mostly with you. “Since we’re both dating the same person, we should probably be friends,” Steve says and you can’t fault that logic. So as James keeps more to the back with Lin, Steve starts to take his place in the front. He sets up the tables, learns to make coffee, and keeps you company during the slow periods. Going to bed together becomes easier; you stop shrinking away from him, and one day you wake up with his arm across you and James and you don’t panic.

Naturally, that’s the day Natasha Romanoff and Sam Wilson show up to take Steve away for some reason or another. They use your back office to discuss it and the end result is that Steve hugs you goodbye. Then he hugs and kisses James goodbye.

“He’s in good hands,” James says even as he tries to curl up within you that night. “And I…I don’t fight anymore.”

“He’ll be fine,” you say, even as you curl around him and try to ignore how cold your back is.

Two days pass like an eternity, but on the third night you come home to find James snuggled up on the couch with Steve, who looks like he never left.

“Hi,” he says, smiling at you warmly. “Everything went well.”

“Good. That’s…good,” you say, arms itching to wrap around him and check for yourself. You hold back, though, and let your heart settle.

~

James still has bad days, even with Steve and you both. Maybe because of it.

One such day (night? Morning? You’re not sure anymore) he’s sitting on the floor in front of the couch, where you sit and dry his hair with hands you have to force yourself to keep steady. Rain beats against the windows and Steve sits next to you now, warm and present, but Bucky still feels like a live wire under your hands and you’re terrified he’ll run back out into the storm again, but that this time he won’t come back when Steve asks.

“You don’t have to fix me.”

You slow, and let the towel fall over James’s head. He sounds as tired as you feel, weary to the bone. You drape yourself over his back.

“No one is trying to fix you,” Steve says and wraps his arms around both of you.

“If you say it’s because I’m not broken I might deck you,” James mutters.

“I was going to say it’s because no one’s qualified,” Steve replies smartly.

There’s a moment when James is so silent you’re afraid he’s taken it to heart, but he turns his head to scowl at Steve. “Asshole,” he says and Steve grins.

You roll your eyes. “Yes. You both are,” you say, and when Steve and Bucky exchange a look you consider making them sleep on the couch. So maybe you are kind of an asshole too. But Steve is right in one way– no one in the world is qualified to deal with either of them. But you’re going to do your best regardless, because they do no less for you.

~

“Are you all right?!”

The answer is a resounding no, but you’re shaking too hard to respond. The car that almost hit you is gone but Steve is almost frantic, holding you tight enough that it’s almost too tight, and too many people are standing around, probably drawn by the sound of squealing tires and accompanying sight of near-bloodshed.

“Let’s– go,” you stammer, gripping Steve’s arms. He’s gone under the radar so far and you don’t want to be the reason the veil lifts.

“Okay,” he says and helps you up. “We’re almost home.” His arms linger around you. “Do you want me to…”

“Just let me lean on you,” you say, and he does. He holds you close while you make your way home, and he doesn’t let go even while James frets. He doesn’t let go for a long while.

~

It’s a peaceful night. You’re all on the bed, watching TV, and James and Steve both lie on either side of you with their heads butting together in your lap while you play with their hair. James gets up at one point to make some popcorn, and everything is normal. Until you look down and see Steve, completely relaxed with your fingers in his hair, and you can’t look away. His eyes flick to you and then stay as his head tilts curiously.

“Hey,” you say, smiling slowly. “When did I get another boyfriend?”

Steve’s eyes widen marginally, but his smile can only be described as ‘comfortable,’ and James chuckles as he settles in next to you.

“Don’t worry– he grows on ya,” James says and kisses your temple.

“Yeah,” you say, sweeping your curved hand down the side of Steve’s face. His eyes flutter shut in response. “He really does.”

~

Captain America’s retirement and succession come as a shock and Steve stays away while the world reels, but Sam Wilson soon becomes the country’s most controversial sweetheart and Steve, already fading into the background, comes home. And life goes on. For everyone.

“What am I going to do?!” you wail, safe in the company of only Steve and James. Lin’s acceptance into Le Cordon Bleu had been an absolutely delightful announcement that culminated with you taking every employee out for a celebratory dinner, and you’re ecstatic for her, truly. It’s just…

“Maybe Ed will want to go full time?” Steve suggests gently, referring to the temp you have on hand so that Lin can take a day off every now and then.

“He can’t work full time.” You hold your face in your hands. You have time, plenty of time, but Lin is so good in every way that trying to replace her is going to be impossible.

“I have an idea.”

You sit up and Steve sits back. James sits there, lips slightly pursed and head bowed even though his eyes glance up and down. You give him the time he needs, until he finally says, “I could do it.”

“Really?” you blurt out.

He nods. “Lin’s taught me a lot; I know how to make just about everything you sell, and you couldn’t even tell which one was mine the last time Lin had you test.”

“I wasn’t– I meant– I know you can do it,” you say. “But…you want to?”

He frowns hard for a moment, and then relaxes completely. “Yes. I want to do this. If– if you’ll let me.”

“Okay,” you say, some of the panic leaving you. “Okay.”

~

It’s early but not too early. You’re still in bed, savoring the feel of a day off. Bucky has left the bed, probably to get some coffee, but Steve is still draped over you, deeply asleep. The sun creeps through the window, crawling over the desk on the far end of the room, over Steve’s logo designs, and up the bright blue wall you all just painted a few weeks ago. You admire the color, squint at a streak you missed, and then stare at the desk top. You’re tempted to go steal a look at the papers, but you’re honestly too comfortable.

Steve squeezes your midsection and places a sleepy kiss to your shoulder. “No peeking,” he mumbles and moves up closer.

His hair tickles your neck and you squirm. “How did you know?”

“You haven’t been subtle about it.” He yawns. “Where’s Bucky?”

“I don’t know. Abandoned us for coffee probably.”

“How rude.”

“I know, right?” You pat the empty space. “You get to cuddle me but who am I supposed to cuddle?”

“You could cuddle me,” Steve says.

You wiggle, but his grip doesn’t allow for much. “I’d have to turn around.”

“Oh. Moving is out.” He shoves his face into your shoulder. He mumbles something else but drifts back off to sleep and you’re about to follow him when you see something odd on the side table that you haven’t noticed before now. Along with the lotion and books and odd knick-knacks that have accumulated over time, there’s a cup. A coffee cup, mostly white but for lines of jagged silver, and there’s a tiny flower peeking over the lip. You’re not sure if it’s real or not, but it’s pretty.

James sets his coffee cup next to it and you're struck by how similar the two mugs are. “Is that cup from the shop?” you ask, staring at the one with the plant.

“Yup.” James runs a hand up and down your arm. “I broke it, but…it’s still good. Just needed something else to do.”

“Oh.” He gets back into bed, somehow sliding under you without disturbing Steve, and just before you doze off again you ask, “Why silver?”

“Gold’s too bright, and I like it fine,” he says and wiggles his metallic fingers. He kisses your head. “Go back to sleep.”

“M’kay,” you say, and you do.

It’s not perfect.

It’s better.

[charlie-minion]

21 Supernatural Questions

I was tagged by @amwritingmeta – thank you for including me, sweetie. You’re so lovely! I gotta tell you that it honestly made my day when I read that one of my favorite meta writers considers my blog one of her favorites, so yeah… thanks! :’D

Now let’s tackle these super fun questions ;-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

I remember I watched for the first time around 2009. Season 4 was on, here in my country, on Warner Channel. I’m sure that season had already finished in the U.S. at that time, but it was just starting to air here in El Salvador. I didn’t know anything about the show and I didn’t know what season that was either, but now I know it was 4 because all I remember was that some dude had rescued another dude from Hell. Period. I understood next to nothing about the plot because I hadn’t seen any episode prior to the beginning of S4. I caught a few episodes now and then and continued to watch for some time until the schedule changed. The eps started to air at 11:00 p.m. and I had to get up early for work, so I stopped watching.

In 2013, I spent one year living in North Carolina with my older sister. I was having a difficult time, so I moved to my birth country (USA) to escape everyone and everything. I had no TV in my room, but I had my laptop and my sis had the first 7 seasons of Supernatural, so I was like, “Hey! I might FINALLY understand that freaking show that looked so cool”. That’s how I started. I wasn’t planning to binge-watch the whole thing, but it became addictive pretty fast.

I loved the first 3 seasons, but once I got to season 4 and Castiel was introduced, I was hooked for real! When I watched season 5 and I saw the “I did it, all of it, for you” from 5x02, I started Googling Dean and Cas, because I was SO SURE I was seeing romance there, and I couldn’t be the only one. I was super excited when I found out there was a Supernatural FANDOM (back then I had no idea that was a thing). And I was even more excited when I learned about Destiel, about shipping, and about all the fandom culture. I joined Twitter, became a Misha stan because the more I read about him, the more I adored him, and I got caught up just in time to watch 8x17 live.

Can you imagine becoming a Dean/Cas shipper all on my own, doing research, finding out about Destiel and then the VERY FIRST EPISODE I watched live, while living in the U.S., was Goodbye Stranger written by Robbie Thompson?!! Those were the days!

I have been watching live, along with the fandom, ever since March 20, 2013. I joined Tumblr during the hiatus and started writing meta (accidentally) at the very beginning of season 9. So yeah! This show has been a very important part of my life for over 6 years now, and I don’t want to think about how things might change after the show ends. NOPE. Not thinking about it AT ALL. (At least not yet).

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

I absolutely LOVE my three boys. I want them to be happy because they deserve it. But, we can all have a favorite, right? I was a Dean!girl when I started binge-watching. When Cas was introduced, I became a huge Cas fan, and I thought he had become my favorite. However, lately I’ve understood that I became a huge MISHA fan, and that’s a little different. If we’re talking about the SPN cast, Misha is and will always be my favorite because he’s a real life angel. I love that man with all I have! But, if we’re talking about the SPN characters, I have to admit that I will forever be a Dean!girl, no matter what.

I’ll continue after the cut because, apparently, it’s impossible for me to give brief answers :P

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

This question sounds cruel, but I want to understand it in a ranking way, not in an “I hate this character” one.

If I have to rank TFW, for me, it would be:

Dean

Cas

Sam

HOWEVER, let it be known that I love my three boys immensely, and I want a happy endgame for the three of them. If Dean and Cas had a happy ending, but Sammy didn’t, that would ruin it for me. Ranking doesn’t equal hating.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs!

I’ve said I follow very few blogs because I curate my fandom experience a lot, but you guys make my time on Tumblr extraordinary. I enjoy seeing you in my dash, reading what you blog or reblog and just knowing that you’re around as part of this community. If you answer these questions, please tag me ‘cause I’d like to read what you got to say about our beloved show. Much love to each of you! ♥♥♥♥♥

@dimples-of-discontent @mittensmorgul @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @naruhearts @casthegrumpy @fangirlingtodeath513 @bluestar86 @viva-la-cockles @obsessionisaperfume @caswouldratherbehere @perfectlyelegantdelusion @occamshipper @amwritingmeta (and no, Annelie, I’m not tagging you because you tagged me; you truly deserve to be here). 

If you’re not tagged, please forgive my poor memory, but if we’ve talked before, or I reblog/like your posts, please know that I adore you. ♥

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Oh my! This is so hard to answer. Supernatural has had so many amazing characters that choosing only one is hard. But I guess I have to go with Charlie Bradbury. The only time I seriously considered to stop watching the show was when Charlie was killed off. I was very angry and disappointed, and 10x21 became an episode I truly hate. I don’t think I have ever re-watched the whole ep because the writing was SO BAD. Dean and Sam were stupid in that ep, and Cas was basically a lamp. I… NOPE. Disgusting episode for sure. And I lost my beautiful lesbian queen.

 6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

I should say Charlie again, but because she got covered in my favorite non-TFW character, I will choose someone else for favorite woman.

And that has got to be Rowena. I don’t think there has ever been a female character in Supernatural written better than Rowena. And because the show’s ending, there will never be.  

7. John or Mary?

Definitely Mary. We got to know her better. I know certain parts of the fandom didn’t care much for her, but I loved her a lot, not despite her flaws but because of them! She was made human in a realistic way. We had only seen the idealized version of her through Dean’s eyes, but once we got to meet the real Mary, it was something I enjoyed. John, on the other hand, is not a bad person, but he wasn’t the best parent. He loved his children, and I know that, but his love doesn’t negate all the crap he put his sons through, even if his intentions came from a good place. I like the closure the boys got with him in 14x13, though. I was not against it at all. But, as John would say in that ep, “Me versus your mom? That’s – that’s not even a choice.”

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Dean: Since the first moment I saw Dean, I knew he was faking and was trying to hide how broken he felt. That’s why I fell in love with him from the get-go.

Sam: My first opinion was that he was supposed to be the mature and detached brother.

Cas: I thought that he was meant to be the epitome for the enemies to friends trope. (And I added “to lovers” one season later).

Jack: The only opinion I had was that he was going to be the opposite of Lucifer. The characters were saying he was evil way too early for it not to be subverted. 

9. What’s your favorite season?

There are many seasons I love. I mean, this show has given us SO MUCH. But, season 8 is probably my favorite for two reasons. First of all, because it was the first one I watched live once I caught up. And to this day, the season finale still blows my mind.

And second, because it was when Carver took the reins of the show and did his best to fix the Gamble era. He gave the Dean/Cas dynamic a serious note, narratively speaking. I’ve said before that even though I shipped Destiel in the previous seasons, it wasn’t until season 8 that I saw an intentional development. It wasn’t played for kicks and laughs anymore, and it wasn’t just Misha’s and Jensen’s doing either. It was in the plot. The whole ‘I stayed one year in Purgatory just to get you back’ and all the ‘I couldn’t bear to think you didn’t want to come with me, so I chose to make it my fault’. Season 8 marked a new era, indeed, and Destiel became a real thing from then on, in my opinion.  

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Even though there are some episodes from that season that I truly love (and they’ve become memorable, like The French Mistake or The Man Who Would Be King), as a whole, I don’t enjoy season 6 much. After a formidable season 5, Sera struggled to keep the boat afloat and it shows. Season 6 is certainly the weakest.

11. Opinions on Destiel?

My whole blog was born because of Destiel, so? What do you want me to say? Hahahaha. Destiel is life. And I can divide my opinion in 4 (depending on the showrunner):

Destiel was a fortunate accident during the Kripke era. It was played for laughs and it was the result of whatever was going on between Jensen and Misha. Their chemistry had nothing to do with the script.

Destiel was a tool during the Gamble era. I don’t like to use the word “queerbait”, but I think the closest Supernatural has been to that was when Sera was the showrunner. It seems to me like she used the ship to lure the fandom and keep the audience, but it’s clear she had no intention of giving a resolution (we all know how she treated Misha, so…).

Destiel became an intentional part of the narrative during the Carver era. As I said before, it wasn’t until season 8 when you could clearly see that things were not accidentally there anymore. It wasn’t a joke, either. The ship sailed for real during the Carver era, but Jeremy was not allowed to give a resolution because the show continued to be renewed.

Destiel became canon during the Dabb era. I mean, I know people will argue that it’s not canon yet. And I understand what they mean. But, in my opinion, Destiel hasn’t been TEXTUALLY made canon, but when Andrew took the reins of the show, he made Dean and Cas sooooo married that I came to the conclusion explaining the subtext was unnecessary. It was WAY too in the nose to need explaining. So, I stopped trying hahaha. I don’t know if we’ll ever get Textual Canon Destiel, but in regards to Subtext, it can’t get more canon than that. And noooo, that doesn’t mean queerbait at all. Queercoding is a thing, you know?

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

As per my previous answer, currently I don’t think Supernatural queerbaits. I do believe Dabb, Bobo and company want to give the Dean/Cas storyline a satisfying resolution. I have no idea what they will be allowed to do, but even if they can’t textually give us what we want, I have faith they will find a subtextually strong way to wrap things up. I enjoyed when Misha and Jensen explained in the DC Cockles panel the restrictions the CW puts, and I think it applies to so much more than blood and language.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Seasons 8-14, no doubt. For two reasons: 1) They are really good (and gave Destiel relevance) and 2) those are the seasons when I was already part of the fandom and could enjoy week after week.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

I think Chuck is the best of the best. Because when we look back, we now know that all the other villains were thanks to Chuck’s machinations. Plot wise that’s amazeballs! I mean, the fact that we always thought (or hoped) that God was on the Winchesters’ side just to learn he was the villain all along. Chef’s kiss!

 15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

I think they squeezed the freaking Lucifer plot line as much as they could… until it got to a point where I was sick of it. Everything related to Nick and Lucifer in season 14 was stupid and boring, to say the least. The plot line should have ended when Dean stabbed Lucifer. Although… I would have liked a better closure for Sam, but I’m good. As long as I don’t have to see Pellegrino again, I’m good.

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

I don’t like this question and refuse to answer because trauma is NOT a competition (either in real life or in fiction). Trauma is trauma and it affects people. Something Sam went through was painful to him and that same thing may be less traumatic to Cas, but that doesn’t mean the repercussions and the suffering are less real for Sam, just because Cas suffered in other ways that may have affected him more. Trauma is personal. All I know is that the three of them have gone through A LOT and that’s why they deserve peace and happiness. Period.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

There are more than 300 reasons to love this show. I mean, it’s almost impossible to choose ONE episode out of so many that I love. But for the sake of this question, I will answer with a very personal choice. My favorite ep could probably be 12x22 because of the moments between Dean and Mary. Dean needed a moment to finally say what he had been repressing all his life. All that hate mixed with all that love. He needed to let it out. And it was both gut-wrenching and beautiful to watch. I always cry when I see it (and I mean gross sobbing for real).

18. Do you like case episodes?

I like them most of the time. I don’t enjoy them so much when they air because I would like the plot to move forward, but it’s the case episodes where we learn more about what’s going on with our characters (their internal emotional battles) through other characters and subtext. It’s an interesting exercise, and that’s why I end up liking most case episodes in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

For people who have been following my blog for some time, this will come as no surprise. I relate the most to Dean Winchester.

In fact, I AM DEAN. I can find in my life every single thing about Dean’s journey. I came to accept my sexuality thanks to Dean (first as bisexual, and later as demisexual once I became more educated). I have felt worthless and like I don’t deserve to live or to be loved, just as much as Dean. I have felt like a burden, like I’m here just to help/please others, and if I’m not doing that, then I’m failing at life.

I get why Dean lashes out and hurts the people he loves even though he’s so afraid to lose them. I understand why Dean builds huge walls to protect himself from being hurt and what he needs to grow. Because his struggles are my struggles. And now I’m crying, so I better move on to the next question.  

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

I like Supernatural because I’ve been able to learn about myself thanks to the characters. Despite being a genre show, the personal journeys (character arcs) have been so real and relatable that I truly think this show is a masterpiece. The fact that I’ve grown as a human being thanks to an ordinary TV show is incredible. I don’t think there will ever be another show like Supernatural in my life.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

I would bring back Charlie. The original Charlie. I mean, I know we have seen lovely Felicia Day again thanks to AU!Charlie, but I couldn’t connect with her the same way I did with the original one. Probably because not even the boys have been able to connect with her the same way, either. They see her and they will always see the little sister they lost. It’s hard to think of AU!Charlie as her own person if she always reminds you of the one you lost. ETA: I forgot who I would kill. I guess no one. I mean, if Lucifer were still around, I'd kill him. Or Nick. I just got tired of his face.

Wow! This turned into a very long post, but I had so much fun.

I tag EVERYONE who would like to do this as a way to pay tribute to our wonderful show. Much love to y’all!