#though half of the fun is working out how to bypass those limitations

[ayuranslounge]

Out of all of the 'optimise until you have built a machine to eat the planet' have that I have played (which isn't a ton) bit burner has been the only one to actually make me want to optimise.

I think it comes down to the fact that the main limiting factor to how far you go is primarily up to you.

There's a limit to how deep into the network you can go when you scan-analyse. But nothing is stopping you from long through the entire network if you know how to script it.

Yeah every script is killed off when you reset. But so are all the programs on your pc when you reboot. Your pc has a boot sequence. Robots have an initialisation phase. You can just... program something that gets you everything you need on a fresh startup.

Again. The only limiting factor is your imagination.

Feel like your basic hacking script is not efficient enough? Work on creating a process manager which tells all your little bots what to do.

Heck. The entire game is a browser with javascript. Redesign the ui to make it better for you.

Hack the game about hacking.

And by the end of it you'll understand enough to hack all the idle browser games.

[monstersdownthepath]

Herald of Torag: The Grand Defender

CR 15

Lawful Good Huge Construct

Inner Sea Gods, pg. 310

Among the strangest (and least creatively named) of the Heralds, the Grand Defender is one of the rare few Heralds that did not begin their existence as a mortal follower or an elevated celestial, instead being literally crafted by their god's own two hands. In this case, if you couldn't tell by the title nor his physical appearance, the God of the Forge (and of dwarves in general), Torag. He's even stranger than most other divine constructs, though, because the Grand Defender was built with an explicit and bizarre purpose: as a tomb for the bodies of Torag's chosen dwarven heroes.

Given how the Defender is Huge, and dwarves are Small, one can only come to the conclusion that they're all jammed into its limbs and torso to form into some kind of corpse Voltron. Just... rattling around in there as it moves, hopefully so secure they don't actually move that much when it attacks. What do you think happens if it loses and then regains a limb? Does it teleport the bodies back into itself? Does Torag launch a rescue mission for what is essentially one of his most holy relics to inter them in his Herald again? Did he ever consider a less risky location? Who's to say; the poor thing's lore block is literally a sentence long, and it hasn't appeared in any AP or module, thus our information on it is tragically limited.

But if its lore block is tiny, that must mean its statblock is impressive, right? Well...

It's just an Iron Automata with some extra bells and whistles. Before you go clicking off this page, please know they're amusing bells and whistles... but it's a little disappointing to see "this ability works like it does for the Iron Automata" be pasted onto two of its four unique powers. It's an Automata Except Bigger, and with sapience so it can adjust its tactics on the fly.

It should give you a fair idea of what to expect from it, at least: A smash mook with no magic and very little defenses besides those conveyed by its Construct typing. It's got pathetically low saves (+6/+5/+8), low HP for its level (157 while most other Heralds are pushing 180 or 200), and no immunities or resistances besides it gains by being a Construct... oh, and the Iron Automata's complete Immunity to Magic, making it significantly more resilient than its statblock would suggest. Suddenly, its low saves and zero elemental resistances make a little more sense, as few offensive spells can actually pierce this impervious shield, and almost no common debuffs can work on a Construct. Electricity damage from a magic effect may slow it and prevent it from using its Full-Attack, but any magic trying to bring fire against it heals it instead, turning the most popular damage type against its holders.

It's got DR 15/Adamantine as its standard, but it's got an amusing ability called Ablative Armor that turns it into a towering, hammer-wielding matryoshka doll: As a standard action, the Defender can shed its outermost layer of metal to reveal another, very slightly smaller version of itself underneath that's made out of a different metal, swapping its DR to another source to thwart attempts to damage it. It can swap between DR 15/Adamantine, /Cold Iron, or /Silver at will, and whatever damage type its DR is bypassed by is also what types of DR its own weapons can bypass, letting it pierce several common resistances. Ablative Armor also shields it from the same death most Constructs would suffer at 0 HP, shutting down but not dying unless its body is fully destroyed and torn to pieces. 1d4 hours after it's slain, its armor automatically triggers, revealing yet another Defender under the first while restoring half its HP and allowing it time to either retreat and recover or stalk after its destroyers to end them.

Fun fact: Any armor shed from its person crumbles to powder 1d4 minutes later to prevent it from just generating infinite raw material. The only way to stop it from dissolving entirely is if the Grand Defender eats it, but we'll get to THAT tidbit later.

For now, the Grand Defender is tremendously resilient and doesn't die unless you take special precautions to put it down permanently... but on the downside, it's also the slowest Herald by a country mile, having only a 30ft movespeed. This is somewhat made up for by its immense 15ft space and 15ft reach, but its ability to keep enemies in that range is extremely limited. Stand Still is reliable due to its +31 CMB, but it can only use the feat once per round, because despite having Combat Reflexes, it has a Dexterity score of 9, meaning it can't even use the extra Attacks of Opportunity! It's got to be really choosy about when and on whom it uses Stand Still, if it even gets to do so in the first place because, again, it's got no mobility beyond its 30ft movespeed, no magical movement methods, and no capacity for Stealth beyond its ability to look like a statue when it doesn't move, so its options for getting the drop on the party are also limited. If someone doesn't want to be in melee with it and it can't catch them in its radius during the surprise round, there's virtually no way for it to force them back towards it.

And you don't want to be nearby, in case it wasn't obvious. That massive hammer deals 3d6+11 damage upwards to 4 times a round with accuracy that's a step above most of the other Heralds, allowing it to sacrifice some of it to pour into Power Attack. Its warhammer deals triple damage on a critical hit, and four blows a round make it likely to see one every odd round, or even every round if you're especially unlucky. That immense threat radius also means its Great Cleave feat can make its turns look down right comical if it's got enough targets around to let it spin and spin and spin.

Besides its hammer, it's got the poisonous cloud of an Iron Automata, exhaling a 10ft cloud of toxic gas into an adjacent space once every 1d4 rounds as a free action. Anyone who enters or begins their turn in the cloud must make a DC 19 Fortitude save or take 1d4 Con damage a round for 4 rounds... but that's not the only weapon it's got coming out of its mouth, which is an admittedly unusual sentence. Even more unusual is the Defender's novel breath weapon: Hammer Storm. This 30ft cone is made up of, as the name suggests, warhammers, blasting everyone who fails a DC 19 Reflex save for 15d6 damage and sending them flying directly away from the Defender, potentially pushing them into hazardous terrain.

These regurgitated warhammers are perfectly mundane in function and, interestingly, do not disappear, allowing creature to pick one up and wield it (the ability specifically creates 24 hammers). These leavings are what the Grand Defender uses as its ranged option, its Throw Anything feat letting it huck the weapons like lawn darts at distant or airborne foes. Hammer Storm is normally only usable once a day, but the Defender can recharge the ability by taking a minute to consume the regurgitated warhammers or an equivalent amount of metal from any source (including the shell that drops off of it when it uses Ablative Armor), allowing the Defender to recycle metal scraps or the armor of its foes into weapons for its people. One must wonder if the dwarves interred inside are actually dead and not just banging away on tiny forges to create the hammers or the next layer of the Defender.

You can read more about it here.

[daikini-in-the-twilyhtmist]

Oracle of the White Rabbit

I was recently quite excited to learn about the newest Matrix movie, which was kind of weird for me, as I haven't been much into tv & movies for quite a while now. To my surprise, it was the soundtrack to the preview that immediately captured my attention - almost more then the preview itself... and then it got stuck in my head - for DAYS, on repeat. 

**Cue the Morpheus voiceover: "What you know you can't explain, but you feel it.... You don't know WHAT it is, but it's there - like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad."** Yeah, that song was dead set on getting my attention.

When I finally got rid of it, I started realizing a few days later that I understood it beyond the surface meaning; and basically, I decoded the story that it was telling - it turns out to be all about right NOW. Is it prophetic? Subconscious social engineering? Quantum entanglement between the life and the art, so that they mirror and reflect each other? Who knows...  

It appears to me to be a sort of trigger, or a reminder of what to do when the time comes, of what you NEED to do - and yes, I realize that this sounds very MK ultra secret agent-y; but it is what it is. I assumed it was probably just a message for me, but then I had 2 separate YouTuber's basically confirm the message in their own unique way, and then supplied additional info that is... quite compelling and pertinent to keep in mind, and utilize. So I'll link those two vids below the song decoding portion, but please watch them as they have some VERY helpful info in them - especially the 2nd half of Naughty Beav's vid, the Alba Weinman part. Anyways, here's the song with lyrics, and the decode I got for it:

https://youtu.be/YE3ZXm92CJ0

Preface: The story overall is describing the multidimensional aspects of the human being, and how certain "controllers" have manipulated the general population into thinking that we are only ONE SINGLE aspect (i.e. this linear 3D realm template of a human) of our various extended selves - and have waged war (and still are) to maintain that control over us to keep their positions power.

Song: White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane

ONE PILL MAKES YOU LARGER AND ONE PILL MAKES YOU SMALL These “pills” are alternate dimensional perspectives - the actual embodiment of them from a larger and smaller POV - Annunaki are generally around 10-16 feet tall, and the Fae are considered to be tiny little elemental beings; BOTH sizes make you visit WONDERLAND though! You can SEE & FEEL that there is MORE beyond just this vessel and life viewpoint, more to YOU that goes on to other places where this particular body-ego cannot. AND THE ONES (pills) THAT MOTHER GIVES YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING AT ALL The world perspectives and programs installed in our parents are for a different agenda, time and place - they've since expired and are therefore useless to us... those POV's just don't do anything, except stagnate you. GO ASK ALICE (<your inner child, direct connection to Source Creator) WHEN SHE'S 10 FEET TALL (<in her Annunaki 5th dimensional or above form) Oh yeah, I'd LOVE to see you try and argue those belief systems with THAT version of her/YOU, that'll be fun! Good luck with that, BwahahaaHaahaaa!!!

AND IF YOU GO CHASING RABBITS This "You" ISN'T YOU - it's a hypothetical scenario. As in: If YOU were part of a group of dark, nefarious beings, who CAN'T timeline jump to higher realms on their own, but wanted to... wouldn't YOU chase those 'rabbits', to sneak in after them, (or somehow piggyback on them) to go thru the (portals) tunnels that they naturally create? Well... wouldn't you?!!! AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FALL These beings know their time is limited; as the energetic  frequencies of the earth raises - LITERALLY - we have to ELEVATE with Earth (or die, as it’s not compatible); but they can only FALL since they cannot follow us - their heavier energies & choices aligned with that vibe basically anchor them down. When the Earth sheds those lower energies, they appear to “fall’ - Earth rides a sine wave up and down in a continuous cycle; right now the rollercoaster is ascending. TELL 'EM A HOOKAH SMOKING CATERPILLER HAS GIVEN YOU THE CALL Say it with me: COVER STORY!!! So just tell them that you've contacted extraterrestrials, or "Ashtar Command" in a higher dimension, who relays "guidance" to you while you're in a channeling state of mind... exchange your religious/guru worship programming (it’s SO last year) for an unvetted channeled source to worship and obey blindly instead. Pick your poison, ‘cuz dying is fun (whether that be literal, spiritual or otherwise).FYI: I am anti-establishment regarding religions; your connection to Source Creator is meant to be direct & personal, always growing - those outside things are GUIDEPOSTS for consideration and participation when you deem it useful. Not necessary, though, and CERTAINLY not mandatory... they can be helpful though, nevertheless. CALL ALICE WHEN SHE WAS JUST SMALL No doubt they WOULD try to contact you while you were young and vulnerable (and they might have already) - train a child up in the way they should go, and all that. It applies whether it be physically done or in the astral/dream state - it's also prime alien abduction time, in both cases, too: it happens most often around the 3-10 years old timeframe, generally. **Alternatively, this could mean that YOU need to recall your inner child/younger self, when you were more pure - and RECONNECT to (the true you, prior to life’s enforced programming) yourself from there, as a means of counteracting and recognizing any false “messages of light”.**

WHEN THE MEN ON THE CHESSBOARD This is the Masonic, Illuminati and other controller group factions (alphabet agencies included) - The chessboard is primarily associated with the Masonic lodges, though, like the ladder - it's their way of bypassing the middle path (opening the 3rd eye, spiritually evolving through kundalini awakening and such), but still attempting to climb up to 'higher planes'... through magickal rituals and workings of one sort or another, I think. The Sun and Moon pillars are on either side, the battle of fire and Ice. THEY are the ones that "play the game" with humanity, as it were, and “set the stage” on the gameboard in many ways.

It’s like this in their art and iconography...

But it’s like THIS in the physical body structure, see:

Side Note: I learned this and wrote it down/drew it up by watching and following Lavette's channel on YouTube - her channel is under this (her real) name, so if you want to understand & decode the esoteric symbology and all that, check her out, she has a wealth of knowledge to share...  it's great stuff!!!

Anyways, moving on with the decode...

>> when the men on the chessboard << GET UP AND TELL YOU WHERE TO GO Or where you CAN'T go, or things you can’t go DO - lockdowns, anyone? AND YOU'VE JUST EATEN SOME KIND OF MUSHROOM Or taken some kind of drug, to check out (with alcohol, pharmaceuticals) as a means of coping; or perhaps just a medically coerced and/or forced untested injectable... that shall remain unnamed. (a la Voldemorte)  AND YOUR MIND IS MOVING LOW Because your consciousness and/or interdimensional capacities are capped, having been anchored down into lower frequencies due to your choices. ASK ALICE I THINK SHE'LL KNOW Ask your inner child/spiritual connection WHAT TO DO

WHEN LOGIC AND PROPORTION HAVE FALLEN SLOPPY DEAD That's RIGHT NOW, with the media, the actions of the government, corporations & the alphabet agencies - everything from them is WAY out of proportion, (they're self contradicting) and illogical...  it's “fallen sloppy dead” is about as literal of a description as you can get. AND THE WHITE KNIGHT IS TALKING BACKWARDS Is this Biden? Maybe Trump? Could be whomever you deem to be our hero, or fixate on as a knight "in shining armor" charging to our rescue, I suppose. AND THE RED QUEEN'S "OFF WITH HER (THEIR) HEAD!!!" The red queen is the sentient A.I. computer located under the airport in Colorado from what I understand... so this could be indicating the weather warfare or DEW, the internet consciousness battlefront, or a whole host of other things that could be directed by that (besides the jabs), which seeks to kill off a great swath of humanity. The Red Queen could also be a means to direct the jib-jabbed peoples like zombies when they're "turned on" like antennas, once the graphene in the injectables does its work. It would certainly explain all the “zombie apocalypse” protocols and policies that have been made by certain corporations and agencies - all of which was done in a serious manner... so here’s that.

So, now THIS is where it gets interesting (for me, anyways).

Every. Single. Time. That I hear this next verse, I hear it spoken a DIFFERENT way, like a glitch that simultaneously layers a different version on top of the other one, so that they are both communicated at once. This is the 'secret key', the ANSWER - remember, this part of the song says: When this & that happens, and when this person and that ‘person’ are acting THIS WAY - THEN:

REMEMBER WHAT THE DORMOUSE SAYS Dormouse - a tiny squirrel-like mouse, that is rather famous for being able to HIBERNATE for EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME - sometimes 6 months of the year, or more, if the temperatures stay cold enough. The lower the frequency, the cooler the temperature, usually. (The Sleeper MUST Awaken! ~ Dune) << This word - Dormouse - transforms into DHARMA. So the verse: "Remember what the Dormouse said" turns into "Remember what the DHARMA SAYS". For more on dharma, see here:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dharma

The dormouse speaks of the head - waking up and remembering mentally; but when it morphs into dharma, it speaks of the heart waking up; and returning to it’s inherent wisdom, returning to the spirit-soul self. So that is the key message that keeps coming thru on this:

Remember what the dormouse/dharma Says: FEED YOUR HEAD-HEART CONNECTION (and stack your dharma)!!! Spiritual GAINS, baby!

The final verse is repeated twice; I believe this indicates that the areas to apply it to are your outward actions here in the outer world, and your inner realm locals: your thoughts and feelings. FEED the CONNECTION on each level, to be and do good, and to stand up in integrity and defend that sacred space on EACH LEVEL whenever it's needed. The mind-heart connection and coherence part is actually mentioned specifically in The Naughty Beaver video linked below, too... but there will undoubtedly be internal emotional and mental attacks that only you can recognize and shield against, or fight back against to maintain your inner calm and wholeness of spirit. The stronger the mind-heart coherence is, though, the higher you vibe naturally; so it grants you a certain level of protection automatically - I feel that's why they push the jab-berwocky so hard through social/economic pressure, and emotional guilt and gaslighting; to block that potential before you ever reach it, so you can still be "hacked", or locked down, energetically. 

Feed your head = higher mind = higher perspective. Maintain THAT, then ACT FROM THERE. (Faith without works is dead, yo) See the other two vids below, and thank you for reading thus far. You/We’ve got this - Be Excellent to (yourself and) Each Other... and Party On!

The “Naughty Beaver” confirmation, perspective & guidance on this: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHeDnhc8Jfg

The “YellowRoseforTexas” standpoint and confirmation:

https://youtu.be/tmYdSFj3WYE

As a final thought... look how unbelievably FREAKING CUTE dormice are IRL! ! ! ! KAWAII ! ! !

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-04-13

Happy 4/13 upd8!  Glimpsed part of the title when I was checking but otherwise blind.

Time to liveblog this quickly and pile into RevScarecrow’s first-readthrough stream of Cascade.  It REALLY hurts to see him tortured having to read through long conversations with dyslexia, but at least he gets to draw purer enjoyment out of the huge flashes.

EDIT:  Added an important clarification from a friend to the bottom, regarding the tail end of the upd8.

Well here we go.  Whose daughter?  Candy Vrissy as Rose/Kanaya’s?  Or some weirder metaphorical Roxy/RoboRose thing.

> CHAPTER 8. A Daughter Astray

Huh, not where I thought we’d start a chapter named like that.  We can’t leave Candy so soon after cutting to it though.

JANE: Assassinations, open warfare, so-called "revolution," and where has everyone gone? JANE: They've ABANDONED me. They've taken our precious son. And now...

Are we going to see some of the beginnings of John’s plan in action, from her perspective?

> (==>)

Steven King novels???  Like an IT joke?  Sure, I guess?

DIRK: Itadakimasu.

I mean he would.  Especially the Jake-imagined version of him.

JANE: "An eye for an eye." JANE: Once we have rescued our son from their clutches, I'm going to take something of my own; something as valuable to the rebellion as Tavvy is to me. JANE: Two can play at the hostage game. That loathsome daughter of theirs should fit the bill nicely.

Okay.  That’s certainly a plan, I guess.

Wow, she really runs everything by the seat of her pants, doesn’t she.

(She seems less murderous than usual now that the spotlight of HS^2 is on her instead of Epilogue darkness, though, all things considered.  Walking back some of the negativity of the Epilogues in general.  That’s the impression I get anyway.)

> (Kids: Converse.)

Vriska, come on.

--Oh!  Oh and there’s:

That middle photo!  Harry, Roxy, and Calliope hanging out, yes!  Glad to see Candy Roxy and Callie were definitely not as distant as they appeared throughout the Epilogues when we were being convinced everything was going out-of-character as a Meat!Callie-written fanfic instead of what Roxy would plausibly actually do.  (Which... it kinda was, so they need to soften the blow by showing not everything was ruined by the way it was written.)

((And there are lots of cats everywhere, but this is outside Harry’s room so it’s all Roxy, no classpect.))

HARRY ANDERSON: so... HARRY ANDERSON: um. vriska? VRISKA: The one and o........ VRISKA: (Ughhhhhhhh) VRISKA: I mean, yeah. That's me!!!!!!!!

It’s hard to get enough of Vriska’s irritation with her reduced relevance.

VRISKA: From now on your name is just Harry. HARRY: o... k?

Dick move, but I have to thank you for shortening his chat handle there.

HARRY: but um, yeah. john and roxy are my parents.

Yeah, deal with that, Vriska.  Nice job wooing John.  :)

Aaaand then Harry’s Egbert genes kick in and he starts going off on a tangent describing a piece of media he likes with a situation barely mappable onto this one.

HARRY: ok, so have you ever seen the musical calamity jane? HARRY: i guess you probably haven't. HARRY: but so there's this part at the beginning, where the title character comes back from chicago, and she talks to all of the old-timey locals about how bizarre and new-fangled everything was, and VRISKA: Godddddddd it really is like talking to teenage John all over again. VRISKA: No I haven't seen Chastity Jane or whatever the stupid title was. It sounds like a total snooze!!!!!!!!

Calamity Jane and Chastity Jane.�� Probably means nothing.

VRISKA: And anyway, what are you trying to say? VRISKA: That I sound outd8ed?

HA.  Now you’re a boomer!  Eat that Vriska.

HARRY: i mean, we've done stage fighting before, but never the real stuff. HARRY: but i bet i could learn. i took kickboxing with my mom for a month and half when i was nine.

Yaaay Roxy-style martial ar-- oh wait only a month and a half, huh?

We’ll have to see if he’s really as inexperienced and kinda-thinking-too-well-of-himself as he looks, or if this is all just a joke setup for when he proves to be pretty combat capable later.

VRISKA: He totally freaked out the first time I told him I killed some8ody. HARRY: haha, that sounds like my dad.

Harry and Vrissy look clearer together by the minute, dynamic-ways.

But now he's not so sure. Ever since hearing that one of his dad's old friends had turned up, that border between past and present has felt fainter by the minute. And as they talk, he begins to think that Vriska seems so much... fresher. More real. An actual, authentic, bona fide god from another universe. Harry can’t imagine his dad even talking to someone like her, let alone punching her in the face.

Freaking out about murder, though; that's definitely something Harry can see his father doing.

Kind of like a fresh breath of relevance, huh?  I mean Vriska had to carry a little in with her.

HARRY: i'm not allowed ONE vriska in my bedroom. HARRY: i don't even want to THINK about how much trouble i'll be in if she finds out i had TWO of them up there.

PFFFF.

And Roxy grew up the kind of mom to set those limits, huh?  Nice.  She’s definitely proving a less lonely and inscrutable mom than she was to Rose.  (And Rose had the additional disadvantages of Horrorterror- and Gamzee-induced fear- and certainty-amplification to help drive her to believe her mother hated her, on TOP of all of Mom’s glaring flaws/abuses vis-a-vis drunken responsibility-aversion.)

HARRY: of course i am freaking out vriska! HARRY: i'm freaking out what i think is probably a good amount about this. the fashionable amount of freaking out.

I’m starting to really take a liking to this asshole.

HARRY: he's going to absolutely flip his fucking lid if he ever finds out about this!! HARRY: or worse, it might just make him as miserable as before, and he'll be really disappointed in me, and then he'll just leave again, or... or SOMETHING!!

Auugh.  God damnit, Past!John, raising him to believe this.  Luckily, Current!John will most likely disabuse him of the notion at least SOMEWHAT by the end of this story.

BECAUSE JELLICLES CAN AND JEEEEEEELLICLES DO JELLICLES DO AND JELLICLES CAN JELLICLES CAN AND JEEEEEELLICLES HARRY: oh fuck.

Why is he hiding the CATS poster in his room, but has a whole ringtone set up with it?  Either a global one or a John-specific one?

Is it John-specific because he has to outwardly play it cool about how much he loves and needs his dad, just like Cats?

VRISSY: Check it out, someone's already cospl8ying my fit from tod8y.

Oh nice!  Inborn popularity at work.

VRISSY: Good? It's Infuri8ing!!!!!!!! VRISSY: UGH! So many f8ke accounts pretending to 8e me. Stealing my hard-earned Clout. Fakey f8ke F8KES.

Mhmm, why give up any attention?  She wouldn’t want to share it.

VRISSY: Damn Right it's import8nt Tavros! Image is a8out as Important as it gets.

(classpect blah blah)

VRISSY: Relax Tavvy. VRISSY: You're starting to Sweat Nervously. You know I H8te it when you Swe8t Nervously. TAVROS: Thank you,, VRISSY: Th8t wasn't a Fucking H8mance Complim8nt, I do genuinely Hate it and not in a Fun Way. TAVROS: Oh,, TAVROS: I'm,, sorry,,,, VRISSY: Ugh. Whatever. VRISSY: I'm just... 8eing a 8itch. Forget about it.

Look how INCREDIBLY much more mature Vrissy is right here than Vriska ever was.

And Vrissy’s understandably a lot more worried than we are about Vriska moving in on Harry.  Even though with Vriska’s experience she would hardly be likely to see anything in him to--

Oh.  Fuck, what am I saying.  Of COURSE Vriska would be tempted to move in if it meant stealing attention from Vrissy.  I keep forgetting this is ORIGINAL VRISKA we’re talking about.  That’s got to be a conflict at some point, right?

TAVROS: I know you don't like to talk about these kinds of things,, TAVROS: Having said, on previous occasions, stuff like,, TAVROS: "Feelings are for adults and babies, not real people," TAVROS: And i'm not,, necessarily, saying that you have some unaddressed feelings, TAVROS: But,, maybe if we're going to be around her, TAVROS: You should try to be honest, about the feelings, that you don't have,,

Nailed it like a true Tavros.

VRISSY: It's Something about the W8y she Looks at him. VRISSY: The Rest of us too. VRISSY: Like we're not even Real.

That’s right.  Making it important that you be extra careful that she doesn’t hurt you, because she’ll undoubtably or neglectfully TRY.

VRISSY: And to 8e Honest, I think I Understand why! VRISSY: Everything Here is so dwee8ish and 8oring!!!!!!!!

A little more complicated than that, Vrissy.

TAVROS: Because you're worried harry anderson thinks she's cooler than you,, TAVROS: Because you're jealous,,,, VRISSY: W8. VRISSY: What? VRISSY: No! VRISSY: Tavros, were you Listening to 8NYTHING I was Just Saying? VRISSY: I'm not worried a8out Harry Fucking 8nderson right now! VRISSY: Hell, I'm so Unconcerned that I think I'm going to start just calling him Harry from now on! It'll Save Everyone a lot of Valua8le Time! VRISSY: Listen Tavros, Vriska will get 8ored of Harry in a Heart8eat! VRISSY: That's the whole point!!!!!!!! VRISSY: She shouldn't 8e w8sting her Time on someone like Him! VRISSY: SHE SHOULD BE T8LKING T8 ME!!!!!!!!

Hm, jealous of the attention Vriska’s giving Harry, not the other way around.  Huh!

And here come the Crocker cops...

> (Harry: Pick up.)

Wait, I don’t understand this picture.  Who are those two silhouettes outside?  Isn’t this Roxy’s house?  (Is that Jake facing away on the left? Them being already here would be pretty good reason for alarm.)

HARRY: ok everyone, my dad's calling. HARRY: if he finds out you're here then he will definitely put two and two together, so PLEASE just keep quiet and let me do the talking.

Is John going to play along?  That could be fun.

Hm.  If Harry hasn’t turned off his phone’s signal, then that could be a way Jane can find and use him to find Vrissy.  (Or already have.)

HARRY: er, HARRY: hi dad. VRISKA: HI JOHN!!!!!!!! VRISSY: Hi Mister Eg8ert!!!!!!!!! HARRY: oh god dammit.

THEIR NEED FOR ATTENTION BYPASSES ALL SURVIVAL INSTINCT.

JOHN: HELLO SON! JOHN: I AM JOHN: SO JOHN: VERY JOHN: PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!! HARRY: JOHN: PHEW, that felt good to say. JOHN: or to yell, i guess. heheh. JOHN: sorry about that, harry anderson. JOHN: i just didn't think i'd be seeing your handiwork all over the news quite so soon!

Yeah, John really needs to take a page or two out of his Dad’s playbook right now!  Because Harry really fucking doubts that his father is proud of him, and John’s Dad would never have let him come under such a misconception.

JOHN: it looks like you tried to pull one of the biggest pranks i can think of. JOHN: and it backfired! HARRY: y... yeah. JOHN: but that's ok!!! JOHN: it could have happened to the best of us. JOHN: ok, so maybe it wasn't the most original idea. JOHN: and you should probably have steered clear of such a blatant nod to weekend at bernie's without seriously planning some of the logistics in advance.

John, please stop so aggressively framing this in terms of YOUR interests.

JOHN: heh. two vriskas is NOTHING. JOHN: when i was your age i lost count of all the vriskas i had to keep track of. JOHN: it was probably some preposterous number.

¬_¬”

JOHN: now, harry anderson, i know that you and tavros haven't always gotten along. JOHN: but i am going to have to ask you to try and look out for him for the time being.

Harry could really use some reassurance from YOU you know?  That you’re working to make sure he’ll be okay through all this?

JOHN: your uncle jake and i... well, i'll explain later. JOHN: let's just say that gamzee isn't the only family member jane is losing today. HARRY: dad... if you wanted me to KILL tavros, you only had to ask. TAVROS: (Um,,,) HARRY: couldn't resist.

What?  Moved for custody in the divorce?

I feel like the divorce is SOMEHOW involved in whatever John is referring to here.  Even though the Epilogues say that Jane initiated it.  Maybe we’ll find out later that in the cut from then to now, Jane apologized a bit and didn’t go through with it, but he still had the papers to finalize it, or?  No, that doesn’t quite add up with what Jake was afraid of before... hm.

> (==>)

Oh, the paparazzi.  THAT’S a problem.

JOHN: the word "fuck" was invented for moments like this.

Nothing to comment on, just had to quote it.

JOHN: some guidelines that any budding prankster or newly fledged fugitive should know. JOHN: don't panic, JOHN: don't make a scene, JOHN: and whatever you do... JOHN: don't get caught!!

This is a reference to something, right?

> (High above the clouds...)

Jesus, that’s a visual. Hi, probably-the-only-source-of-happiness-between-Kanaya-and-Rose-we-might-have-onscreen-up-until-the-very-end.  (Are those cat chairs, or just headrests with lil horns?)

As the world seethes with the acid sting of war, they have stood steadfast and resolute; when hope has seemed at its most distant, they have shone as a beacon of possibility.

Further cementing Hope’s ties to possibility, then.

Individually, they each represent immeasurable gains for the rebel faction. The rebellion's stratagems have never had a fiercer bite; their uniforms have never looked so fucking sharp.

Why you gotta do Kanaya like that, narrative?

> (==>)

Full glow?  Kanaya must be nervous.

(I don’t think this short hair on Rose quite does the justice that short hair on her should.  I suppose it’s punk to match her clothes, though.  Still, I feel like short hair should look SO GOOD on Rose and the style chosen just doesn’t here.)

ROSE: I just wish I had answers!! My useless powers aren't being any help, and what's worse, ROSE: I can't see ANYTHING useful on this stupid news channel!!

I can imagine that a Seer of Light might find it harder to operate in a realm long void of most of its relevance, not to mention whatever measure of strength she gave up to concede herself into the “specific” and not ult-self manifest... but there are two Thieves of Light involved here and no Void players, beyond this being at Roxy’s house.  Are they really stealing that much visibility from the situation to not blaze like beacons in Rose’s vision?

ALFONZ: excuse me mA'Ams

I don’t know how to feel about this troll’s name or quirk.

Kanaya’s ending every sentence with a shout pole, by the way.

> (==>)

ALFONZ: the reconnAissAnce teAm is bAck eArly, mA'Ams ALFONZ: the ship docked A few moments Ago ROSE: And the scouting party??? ALFONZ: i expect she's Zipping her wAy up here now, mA'Am

Karkat and Meenah?  That’s just a singular “she”-- ah fuck it’s Jade isn’t it.  The Jade here who had Dave ditch her suddenly to become a robot and abscond without telling her.  That’s why there was so much talk about Jade in the background today, dammit.  Please still be generally not despairing???

> (==>)

What is that bulky suit?????  Is it seven layers of sweaters?  Was she scouting the arctic??

> (==>)

Angry camo?

> (==>)

KANAYA: Jade It Is Okay JADE: its........ JADE: *sniffle* KANAYA: Please Take Your Time JADE: we dont HAVE any time!!! JADE: its too late!!!!!! JADE: janes forces were just too fast... KANAYA: Oh No ROSE: You don't mean... JADE: theyve taken her

Jade, you aren’t talking about Vrissy.  Who the fuck ARE you talking about?  Is this gonna be a punchline again?

> (==>)

JADE: THEYVE TAKEN YIFFY!!!!!!! D:

Okay, I’m hoping for the best but there’s precedent that this is Jade in full fucking despair mode right now.  Having named pets like that and being this concerned about them.

Then again, if Dave and Jade had a pet they WOULD name it that wouldn’t they.

> (==>)

Sigh.

Well, let’s hope it’s mostly sunshine and rainbows on Jade’s front, unlike what it looks like?

That can be a caption for HS^2 going into the next two thirds of 2020 like this.  “Let’s hope it’s mostly sunshine and rainbows.”  Catch y’all another time.

EDIT:  Oh fucking MAN, it might not be a pet after all.  Quoting Discord:

[REDACTED] Today at 5:20 PM there’s a reason Rose knows but Kanaya wouldn’t possibly and look back at the chapter title BlastYoBoots Today at 5:21 PM I'll... correct that possibility. Did NOT realize it could have been a pet name for Dave instead of a pet. wait, what? no, they'd never have named a daughter that, Dave is NOT that cruel. (unless it could be nickname-shortened to that, that's just enough plausible deniability for Dave to hide behind.) [REDACTED] Today at 5:22 PM If it were a pet name for Dave, why would they use she/her in reference to him? JANE: Two can play at the hostage game. That loathsome daughter of theirs should fit the bill nicely. BlastYoBoots Today at 5:22 PM oh, and you're implying that the surrogate daughter thing happened with Jade and Rose-- [REDACTED] Today at 5:22 PM yes BlastYoBoots Today at 5:22 PM OH, and that they meant like, not Vrissy? [REDACTED] Today at 5:23 PM perhaps BlastYoBoots Today at 5:23 PM Why would Rose NOT tell Kanaya about her then? or is Kanaya just not interested in keeping up to date? [REDACTED] Today at 5:23 PM unless the yiffy ruse is a distaction BlastYoBoots Today at 5:23 PM it would be a pretty spectacular thing to spring on us though, a child the epilogues didn't mention, so...

SO, this could be a cheeky pet name for their daughter, who we’ve never met and Jane just legitimately planned to kidnap in front of us.  Making Davebot’s abandonment of this timeline all the more dickish, essential as it might be.  On the upside, new interesting HS^2-original characters that have nothing explicitly to do with the epilogues!  (Beyond Jade hinting at how a surrogate child would be conceived possibly!)  Plus another reason for Jade to steel herself and buck up about Dave not being there, to take care of her daughter, possibly.  On the downside... Robo!Dave is going to be a little infuriating.  Maybe to make him a little more palatable to miss if he goes down doing anything dramatic.

((EDIT2: "ROSE: Where is John? KANAYA: Where Is Dave" --ah FUCK, I missed that line. So if Kanaya's asking that, Dave probably only just vanished... I really was hoping she wouldn't have to deal with that onscreen.))

[bearpillowmonster]

Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag Review

I'm going to split this review up in a sandwich so we'll have some good then some bad then a overall but it will be a lot of list of thoughts and just things about the game. I only ever played Brotherhood other than this so you can have that to go off of for reference. I've had dreams about this game before I played it and while I knew that it would never meet the expectation of those dreams, it still surprised me at how good it did.

The good. There are parts where the wind will blow your ship hard enough to make you change course and you have to steer against it, that sounds like one of the easily finicky features but I had no problem at all, it was welcome. This really is a definitive pirate experience, the good, the bad, and the ugly. You can sync watch towers to teleport from one part of the island to another or if you sync all of them in that island then you can just fast travel from anywhere there rather than traversing the entire map (whole diff island). There's a Mayan outfit that you can collect tokens for throughout the game, so I got it and it has some neat perks my only complaint is that it has no hood. You have a scope to check out ships and what level and cargo they have so you know whether to bother plundering them or not. The shipmates sing songs (which are called shanties) whenever you're sailing which really kind of brings it to life which and you can collect these shanties in the form of flying pages so they can sing new songs. You can rescue pirates and add them to your crew, whether they're castaways stuck at sea or need your helping fighting guards, I always liked recruiting in Brotherhood. Every time you get on the ship, the crew cheers, I love it!

You can technically see a beefy ship and watch it tussle with other ships until they chip it down, as long as you get a blow in then you can still plunder it but you still have to take out the crew, especially the captain. You have a blow dart so you can tranquilize people but it's only a limited time before they wake up unless another guard finds them then they can wake up faster. You can change the colors of your sails but I think it would have been more effective to have the sails act as an upgrade so certain ones will give you better speed or something, just something that would have been cool but you can upgrade the ship through other means so that's cool. You can skin animals and use their hides to create armor or upgrades to health or whatever but I rarely ever hunted anything so it's not necessary at all but I appreciate that you can skip the cutscene of actually skinning it. Which is another thing that's not all that bad but something to point out, you don't have instant health vials like you do in Brotherhood, you just kind of have to work through it, if you're good then it's not a problem though. One more thing...BLACKBEEEAAARRRRDDDD!

The bad. So I played this without subtitles...because I couldn't find how to turn them on, then I did find it in the main menu settings towards the end, I really hate that but it's my bad, just a disclaimer for how my experience went. However the story isn't all that great or big, it's kind of just whatever, half the time I'm not sure what relevance some characters have to the plot but it's not a big deal, this isn't really a game for story but that doesn't mean it doesn't have good scenes. There's a windmill that sounds pretty cool but climbing up it is a pain in the rear partially due to controls, it took me so long to figure out and do it properly. James Kidd is a douche, enough said. There's a certain person you have to kill when you get marooned which doesn't make much sense to me because I had a berserk dart (meant for the crocodiles but again I barely hunted so I saved it) so why couldn't I have had the option to use that? 

Glitches and stuff. When you open chests, it's a bit finicky and you have to be in a certain spot, same with when you knock someone out, it will say "loot ammo" but you have to be in the right spot even if it gives you a button prompt (towards the head). I was on a trailing mission and was in the final stage where they have a conversation before the cutscene, so I was hiding in a bush, didn't move because I was listening. They almost finished the convo when it said "target lost" which if you know AC games, there's a vicinity where you need to be in, I was well within that range and I was practically in the exact same spot when I succeeded the second time. In the last part of Havana, I was looking for the target, using eagle vision and such but he didn't show up. I went everywhere in the green area, I even ended up taking out every person in the area and nothing. I looked it up and sure enough the guy who was supposed to be there, didn't spawn! I had to exit the animus and go back in to restart the mission. (he was on the close side of the church). I infiltrated a naval base and in order to capture it, you need to go into the war room. I took out the officers then went  there, in the middle of the cutscene of me opening the door, some guy back-stabbed me, there was no way I could have defended from it. A similar instance happened (but without the cut-scene) in the jungle. I died to a jaguar I believe and respawned but when I respawned, the little summary of the island showed up where it gives stats for what collectibles you have and stuff, it take up a 1/3 of the screen so I couldn't block any attack from it in the quick time event because I had no idea what button to press. I mentioned the Mayan outfit, with collecting the tokens, Edward will say "One more to finish my collection" after collecting so many which gets your hopes up but chances are that you'll need more, he says it too early. I went after a courier and I was right behind him whenever the chase started and I guess the game didn't like that so he rubberbanded away at an unreasonable speed. A shipmate glitched out of the ship and just hung there in mid air while I sailed.

Major rant. Back in the day it was cool to collect stuff because you would usually get something cool out of it and it was mysterious but with the internet now, it's just not mysterious so it doesn't work as well, so why not tell people what doing something will reward you? Especially if it sounds boring like "Animus Fragments" which are nothing more than balls of light. I ended up looking it up when I was around 75% done with the game which means I could have collected at least half of them right? (there are 200!) I'm not a completionist but alas the reward is too good...a skeleton crew! I wanted to end it as decked out as I could because I'm not usually one for post game content either but I did a nice big roundup of these fragments, but not quite all of them...I looked more into it and apparently you need to do challenges and the fragments are just a piece of the bigger picture...so alright, a lot more work but I WOULD still do it in order to get the skeleton crew. It even involves online missions I believe and I'm not up for that. But then...I figured out all of this requires you to more or less 100% the game which means you don't get it UNTIL POST GAME. So you finish the game and you don't even have it for the end, it doesn't even show up in cut-scenes (which wouldn't be a big deal but given the circumstances-) It's just not worth it, you can't even save after the main missions are done apparently so you get to just roam around with it for a little bit. I would rather it not be in the the game at all than tease me like it did, what a let down, what a sham! I was going to say how GREAT this game was but this made me mad because of how promising it was. There aren't even mods or bypasses or anything because it's an AC game.

The overall. It outdoes Brotherhood in the gameplay but the story for BH was better. In the end, I had more fun with this one for sure but I'm going to dock it for the misinformed skeleton crew, save yourself the hours of trying to get it. I will however say that if you are into pirates then check this game out! Like even if you're only slightly into them or have some sort of soft spot, try it! I played KH3 in the Caribbean and while I liked the world, I never thought I would be so giddy over a bunch of pirates like I was with this game. However this apparently connects to AC3 in some way, so I didn’t understand it, I might or might not try that one, not sure yet, I hear it’s sort of weak but if you want to understand the ending to its fullest then you should probably plan on playing AC3 either before or after or just look it up and spoil it, whichever you prefer. If there’s anything I’m wrong about or you want to convince me to play AC3, everything’s welcome, be my guest.

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2018, Part V

We’re finally here. Thank you for reading. Or at least scrolling around to the movies that you care about. GREAT MOVIES

12. Minding the Gap (Bing Liu)- In part because it's produced by Steve James, Minding the Gap's easy short-hand is "Hoop Dreams for skateboarding." Because most of the film's pleasures come from following the subjects over the course of five or six years, that makes sense. What differs is that director Bing Liu is so young, which makes this a promising film if a less definitive one than James's feature debut. It’s trying to do so much, but it never feels calculated or constructed as it expands. Boldly, Liu seems to suggest that people don't really change that much, that what drives them or gnaws at them just manifests itself in different ways. The cycle of abuse ends up being a common element for the three skaters, and, as Liu admits on camera, domestic violence is the reason he made the film. (The treatment of it is raw, a blunt object when a more delicate instrument might work better.) He got the hard part right though: delicately getting us to care about people who sometimes don't care about themselves. 11. A Quiet Place (John Kransinski)- Strong early Shyamalan vibes from this lean chiller. Krasinski's directing debut, Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, didn't do much for me, and I skipped his obligatory man-comes-back-to-hometown-because-his-mom's-dying follow-up. But the filmmaking really impressed me here just by understanding how to set the table of this kind of movie. A close-up on an important nail sticking out of a floorboard here, an effortless explanation of a rule there. The hang-up for a film this high-concept is that you get distracted by all of the unanswered questions. (How did he get a printer quiet enough to print out all of those radio call signals?) But this world is fleshed out enough, especially an eerie dinner sequence, to bypass that kind of stuff for me. More than anything, there's a sort of elasticity of shot selection that serves the suspense. A tender early scene in which the central couple is dancing while wearing headphones goes on for maybe twice as long as one might expect. So later, the cross-cuts and smash-cuts have even more weight because the camera was allowed to linger earlier. Here's maybe the biggest reason for the movie's success: The characters are all slightly smarter than the audience, whereas the temptation might have been to go the other way with it. 10. Black Panther (Ryan Coogler)- I don't know if I can add anything to the discourse on this meditative yet ambitious film. I do think one early scene points at what makes it special for the genre. When T'Challa is first named king, he has to be drained of the Black Panther powers to fight anyone who wishes to challenge the throne. A member of an outsider tribe challenges him and nearly beats him. It shows a) the world-building of this noble, fair culture, b) the existence of this fully developed clan that will be important later, c) just how human T'Challa is if his reign can come so perilously close to ending just as it has begun. Every scene like that has a logical purpose. Of course, once Killmonger, the best, most realistically motivated Marvel villain of all time, gets introduced, we return to that method of challenging the throne, and writers Ryan Coogler and Joe Robert Cole aren't afraid to let the worst possible thing happen to T'Challa. What occurred forty-five minutes earlier makes this fight seem like a fait accompli. And it's in this sort of narrative detail that the film is able to work up to its thematic purpose. The first half is about, to quote T'Chaka, whether a good man can be a good king. But the second half is about the responsibility of goodness. Show me where Iron Man bit off that much. 9. Support the Girls (Andrew Bujalski)- Although it takes place mostly in one location during one day, Support the Girls has a bigger world going on in its margins. We hear it on radios, or we see it in the people taking a pitstop in Double Whammies while they're on their way somewhere better. But the force that's really encroaching on the characters' insulated environment is Mancave, the national chain that threatens to put them out of business. "They have commercials and everything," one character complains, and we get snatches of those commercials that were presumably directed by Andrew Bujalski himself. It's ten seconds of content maybe, shot in a bigger, broader style than the modest approach of the rest of the film. But the key to understanding how far Bujalski has come is realizing that he is no longer making fun of the people in the commercial, even if they're jacked bros screaming for a boxing match. That portrayal is amplified, sure, but Bujalski is mature enough now to not ridicule those people. It's okay that they're just not the people he's interested in. He's supernaturally empathetic toward the rogue's gallery of people he is interested in, who spin the ordinary challenges of the working class into something extraordinary. The sunniest member of the team is played by Haley Lu Richardson, who deserves special recognition as the indefatigable Maci. I can't think of parts that are much different from her roles in this, Columbus, and Split, to the extent that people probably don't realize they're played by the same woman, but she rules in every single one. The sky is the limit for her. When a workplace is described as "a family," it's usually just a way for the boss to take advantage of workers when the "family" designation does nothing to help them: "I know I shouldn't ask you to work off the clock, but can you help me out as a FAMILY MEMBER?" Occasionally though, it does feel like a family when people work closely to one another for hours on end and depend upon one another for real life needs. This movie is about what happens when a work family is both control and support.

8. Roma (Alfonso Cuaron)- The trailer for Children of Men advertises itself as "from the director of The Prisoner of Azkaban and Y Tu Mama Tambien," and I remember an audience giggling at that strange CV. For one thing, at the time people didn't understand yet why someone would brag about contributing to a Harry Potter movie. But to pair that children's picture with either a Spanish title they hadn't heard of or a movie that they knew was sexually explicit? Who was this guy? Roma is who he is. I like some of his other films more--I would argue that his approach hurts the performances here--but it seems impossible for him to make anything this personal again. The baldly emotional highs that it reaches come not only from the direct simplicity of the story but also from the sophisticated perspective with which it's being downloaded directly from Cuaron's memory. (It's also, accidentally or purposefully, quite a political film at this moment in time. It insists, sometimes in the dialect of Mixtec, that these people around us silently washing dishes or picking up dog poo are, in fact, part of our family.) There's a moment when one brother throws something at another's head, barely missing, and they both stop in their tracks with fear about how tragically things could have ended up. My dad experienced a similar moment in his childhood, and he would tell the same story about Uncle Steve throwing a shoe at him any time we passed the wooden door with a dent in it at my grandma's house. What a tiny moment to live on for decades, in tangible and intangible ways. Cuaron claims that all of these moments shape us, and taking us to the moon was only a warm-up for resurrecting them for us. 7. Happy As Lazzaro (Alice Rohrbacher)- Alice Rohrwacher won the screenplay award at Cannes, probably because her script for Happy As Lazzaro is fundamentally unpredictable. Games of checkers are unpredictable though. That word doesn't quite cover the way the viewer is forced to guess at something as elemental as "What year is this taking place?" And none of the twists and turns of the storytelling--I refuse to spoil--would gel if Rohrwacher as a director wasn't teaching you how to watch the film the whole time with a rich, warm, light touch. Considering the purity of this vision as a fable, buoyed by realistic labor concerns on the other hand, it's a pity that people are calling Birdbox "crazy" when something like this is just a few clicks down on that service. 6. The Favourite (Yorgos Lanthimos)- When assessing The Favourite, the easy temptation is to say that because it isn't stuffy, because of its scabrous wit or its intimate filming techniques, that it "isn't your mother's chamber drama." It is invigorating, but in a lot of ways, the film isn't saying anything that the average Masterpiece Theater production doesn't. Instead it takes cultural touchstones about the emptiness of power and distorts them, much like the fish-eye lenses that Yorgos Lanthimos favors to photograph the palace. It says an easy thing in a hard way, with conviction to burn. Lanthimos seems freed by not having to write the screenplay, and every decision of his is rooted in making things more narrow. The barrel distortion of the fish-eye seems apt for this idea, but so do the secret passageways that Queen Anne gets wheeled through to avoid the lower rungs of the estate. Of course there's no outside world to intrude upon her majesty. But there's even an inner world to the inner world. (It's impossible to watch Olivia Colman's gonzo depiction of Anne's incurious indolence and not think of Trump.) I'm convinced that Emma Stone can do anything, and the final shot, an all-timer, only validates that suspicion. 5. Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot (Gus Van Sant)- You have to check out every Gus Van Sant movie, even after a few missteps, because you never know: He might take the emotional climax that you didn't even know you wanted and score it to inter-diegetic "Still Rock 'N Roll to Me," thus grounding real poignance with even realer goofiness.I'll admit that the bar is low, but this is probably the most authentic, least treacly movie ever made about addiction recovery. Van Sant, who wrote, directed, and edited, tells the story with patient command. We take Joaquin Phoenix for granted at this point, but everybody on the poster is exceptional. And Udo Kier gets to say, "Pop, pop. It's always about penises." INSTANT CLASSICS

4. A Star Is Born (Bradley Cooper)- In one scene Cooper's Jackson Maine wears a black leather jacket under a brown leather vest, and the movie itself risks that kind of hat-on-a-hat silliness and redundancy. But instead it comes off as the best kind of big swing, a comforting and warm serving of Old Hollywood. Cooper's camera knows how to embrace silence and let the leads play off each other to craft raw, touching performances. Sometimes the close-ups are so intense and focused that, when he cuts back to a master, it's disorienting to be reminded that there are other people in that space, in the world at all.The movie's deficiencies come from "Wait, how much time has passed?" moments in the writing, problems that I always have had with Eric Roth projects. But it's easy to get swept up in a movie of moments that believes so much in itself.

3. Mission: Impossible- Fallout (Christopher McQuarrie)- The pattern of Mission: Impossible- Fallout is: infodump that explains the stakes and the strategy of what we're about to see, followed by an action sequence that is somehow even more thrilling than the one that came before it. Imagine a really interesting day of grade school classes, in which you learned, like, multiplication, followed by recess every other period. As for T.C., what more could you possibly want out of a human being?

2. Wildlife (Paul Dano)- When Jerry, Jake Gyllenhaal's groundskeeper of pathetic pride, figures out that his boss is about to fire him in front of his son, he smiles and, through clenched teeth, asks if this talk can happen tomorrow. Part of him actually believes that postponing the meeting will help; maybe the boss's temper will cool overnight. But this is a man who is bound by the same desperate spirit as his wife Jeanette, who muses, "Tomorrow something will happen that will make us feel different." When people are living day-to-day, clinging to their dignity--he refers to himself as a "small person" at one point--tomorrow really does offer a regenerative power. Those characters are the same-pole magnets that inform this coming-of-age tale, and the subtext of the film is "Can you believe Carey Mulligan and Jake Gyllenhaal have a fourteen-year-old son?" It works for the 1960 setting because these are people who defined themselves before they knew who they were, and they'll now do anything to re-define themselves as brave/sexy/valuable. But it works for the actors too. Gyllenhaal in particular is tender and heartbreaking in a true supporting role, allowing himself to look his age, framing himself with the dad akimbo arms. But Mulligan's fake confidence is great too, especially in a scene in which she nearly begs her husband to let her work. Something tells me that I should credit a director for coaxing two career best performances from two great actors. Some people just have it, and Paul Dano does.

1. First Reformed (Paul Schrader)- In 1998 I dragged my father to see Paul Schrader's Affliction, a movie that was kind of about my father's father. When the end credits rolled on that bleak, wrenching film, my dad turned to me and said, "I feel like I have to take a shower." We walked around a nearby hotel and talked for an hour, not that he was able to articulate why he was so shaken. We discussed the difference between entertainment and art and what makes a piece of either successful. Even though he hated the experience, he couldn't deny that it was an experience. He kept on saying, "That's not why I go to the movies." And no matter what I, fifteen at the time, told him, he couldn't understand that's exactly why I go to the movies. First Reformed had the same mesmerizing effect as the best of Schrader's work: When I exited the building, I stumbled into the sunlight because I had been trapped in someone else's mind for almost two hours.

Part of that effect comes from the narrative device of Reverend Toller's journal, which plants us in his headspace from the beginning. Part of it comes from the intimate scale of the film, which features only a handful of locations. But if what I'm explaining seems small, then I'm doing a bad job. The canvas expands. Schrader insists that our care for the environment is our most immediate responsibility; this film historian has no problem with planting the film at 2017 in dialogue. And that emphasis is matched only by his disdain for how big business encroaches on personal aspects of our lives. There's even a scene that tries to account for a recent rise in extremism among young people. As if to prove that he isn't being pedantic, he has one character communicate one of those ideas, letting you assume that role is his mouthpiece, then he has another character reply with something just as convincing. First Reformed weaves in those elements, but it's ultimately a character piece that humanizes the type of person we think we know but for which we have no frame of reference. In Ethan Hawke's piercing performance, we see a Reform minister who punishes himself actively and passively for what he thinks are sins. He uses faith as an armor and as an excuse, being so of the mind and--as another character puts it--"in the garden" that he denies himself medical care. No matter what anyone else tells him, he is convinced of one of the tenets that Schrader could never shake from his Calvinist upbringing: There's nothing you can do to save yourself.

[tipsycad147]

Big Power In A Little Symbol: How To Create Sigils

Avery Hart

Sigils are a wonderfully simple form of magic and also one of my favourites. These little magical symbols are each coded with a unique purpose, allowing them to be incredibly direct and powerful while also being a very fast form of spell work for the adept witch.

There is no single, definitive method for designing a sigil. The method I use is one of the more traditional versions but any method that allows you to condense an intention into a single symbol will work. The important part is that you feel that the symbol has power when you are finished. To this end, the choice of method largely depends on your personal sense of aesthetic and how much effort you need to expend to achieve it.

How Do Sigils Actually Work?

Sigils crafting is one of those practices that is widely used but little understood by many of those who use it. Due to this, there are some huge misconceptions floating around about how sigils work, what you can actually do with them, and how transferable their power is. Before we dig into how to actually create sigils, we need to clear up these ideas and make sure that you’re starting off your sigil journey with all of the information you need.

When working with a sigil, the power comes from the act of creating the symbol itself. The process of taking an intention and transforming it into a magical symbol encodes the meaning of that symbol and it’s magical potential into your subconscious. The point of doing this is to be able to bypass the doubts, restrictive beliefs, and self consciousness of the conscious mind and tap directly into the power of the subconscious, where your power isn’t restricted by those limitations. This is powerful stuff! The activation of a sigil is like using a password that gives you access to the fullest extent of your power in one quick burst.

This brings us to the first major misconception that we have to debunk. Unfortunately, due to the necessity of this coding process to actually get the symbol embedded into your subconscious, using a sigil created by someone else just doesn’t work. Or, at least it won’t work the way a sigil is supposed to work. When you use a sigil created by someone else you’re essentially just using a random symbol to focus your conscious mind’s intention. This can still work and be effective but it is not tapping into the subconscious in the way a sigil is supposed to.

To really use sigil magic you MUST make your own sigils. There’s no way around it. Using someone else’s sigil isn’t sigil magic, it’s just some intention setting with a pretty symbol.

Beyond this key point, there’s very little that’s set in stone about sigils. Sigil magic stems from chaos magic and by its very nature this kind of magic is highly experimental and tends to evolve quickly. What this means is that are tons of right ways to use, activate, and create sigils. While this can seem overwhelming at first, it’s actually a wonderful thing! The sheer number of ways that you can create and use a sigil and have it work means that it’s a very easy form of magic to do correctly. You’re not likely to screw it up! It also means that there’s a lot of room for personal experimentation and figuring out how to optimise the practice for you and your craft. As long as you’re creating the sigil yourself, you can’t go wrong.

What If I’m Not An Artist?

One thing that trips a lot of people up when it comes to sigil crafting is a lack of confidence in their creative skills. If you search sigils on any social media site, you’ll turn up page after page of gorgeously designed sigils with artistic flair, personal style, and something about them that just makes them feel witchy. Being able to create these kinds of sigils is great and if it’s something that appeals to you then definitely work toward that but if you’re not an artistic person or you don’t feel confident in your ability to make symbols like that, it’s ok! Your sigils do not have to look a certain way.

Remember, a sigils power comes from the coding process, not from how it actually looks. It doesn’t have to be pretty! If you’re not artistic, don’t feel like making it pretty, don’t have time to put that much work in, or plain old don’t care about making it look “witchy”, then don’t! Your sigils will still work even if they’re scribbles done in pencil on the back of a receipt. Don’t worry about the aesthetic value of the sigil unless that’s something that you think would benefit your magic.

Now that you’ve got a better understanding of how sigils function and what it really takes to make this amazing form of magic work for you, it’s time to dig into the process of sigil crafting. For those of you who want a little extra help while you’re learning this process, I’ve created a free PDF workbook to guide you through sigil crafting step by step. It also includes a bonus method for you to try!

How To Create A Sigil 

You Will Need:

Paper

A pencil

I like working with paper and a pencil but if you prefer to work in another medium you should absolutely experiment with other methods. Digital art, paints, creative collage, ink pens, whiteboards, and more can all make excellent sigil mediums.

Your first step will be to figure out what the intent of your sigil is going to be. This is the most important step, your intention should be well thought out and very clear. A half-assed intention will lead to a half-assed result!

You’re going to turn this concept into a sentence, make sure you’re being specific and precise with your wording. You want the sentence to be relatively short and it needs to be phrased in the present tense, i.e. phrase it as though you’ve already got what you want.

Ex. “I have self-love” instead of “I will love myself”

While this distinction seems small, it’s actually huge. One aligns your energy with the result you want, the other aligns you with the state of wanting itself. In other words, when you phrase your intention as something you want in the future, it will remain something you want in the future… indefinitely.

As I said before, be precise and clear in your meaning. Wording can make all the difference. “I have the job of my dreams” will have significantly different results than “I am a journalist for National Geographic”. Neither is inherently better than the other but make sure you know exactly what you’re trying to accomplish with your wording.

Additionally, try to avoid negative words such as “I do not”, “I will not”, “I have no”, etc. These negative words tend to get lost in the grand scheme of things and the intention “I do not smoke” can very easily lead to the result “I do smoke” instead. To avoid this, always phrase positively. (To rephrase this positively you might say something like “I quit my unhealthy vices easily”)

As an example, I’m going to use the phrase “I am mentally healthy and happy”. This is a sigil that I could use any time I’m struggling with anxiety or depression to help tip me back into a more solid headspace.

Write out your intention sentence (otherwise known as the power words or power phrase). Erase or cross out all of the vowels in the sentence. When you’re left with just the consonants, you’ll remove any repeating letters so that you have only one of each letter present. These letters are the base symbols of your sigil.

“I am mentally healthy and happy” becomes the series of consonants “M M N T L L Y H L T H Y N D H P P Y”

When you remove all of the duplicates, you’re left with the letters  “M N T L Y H D P”. These are your base symbols!

Now start to fit your base symbols together into a single glyph. At first, it’s probably going to look weird and nothing like a symbol of power, that’s ok, just keep messing with it and moving things around. This part takes some time, the key is to play around with it a lot. If you don’t like the way a particular letter is fitting in anywhere, you can break the letter down into pieces, something like a P would become a line and a half circle that you can use independently within your design.

The most important thing about how it looks is that you like it. It doesn’t matter if it looks like just a jumble of letters or if none of the symbols even resemble the letters they were originally or if it doesn’t “look like a sigil”. If it looks right to you then it’s right!

After I get all of my base symbols arranged how I want them I like to take some time to stylise it, even out any symmetry and draw a few drafts just to get used to the symbol.

This is the finished first draft of my mental health sigil. As you can see, some of the letters are still pretty clear like the N and H while others have become so a part of the symbol that they’re hard to pick out. I’ve also added some aesthetic flair just for the fun of it.

It’s important to note here that there are two distinct camps among sigils users. There are the people who believe that you absolutely must forget the original phrase of the sigil before you use it and those who think that it’s ok to use the sigil even if you haven’t forgotten it. The thinking behind this is that if your conscious mind no longer remembers what the symbol is for, it can’t get in the way of the magic that the subconscious is doing. The forgetting method is definitely more traditional but I’d encourage you to try both methods to see what works best for you.

At this point, your sigil is ready to use! Slap it on jewellery, walls, mirrors, yourself, boxes, sticky notes, pie crusts, whatever you want.

When you’re ready to actually use your sigil, you’ll have to activate it. You must do this for the sigil every time you use it, even if you’re using the same symbol that’s just been copied somewhere new. If you like working in a ritual space, set that up for yourself. With practice, you can learn to activate sigils on the go without all the ritual trappings but they’re always helpful when you first begin.

The method of activation that I use is actually quite easy, though it may take a bit of practice before you identify what the “activation moment” feels like. Make sure the entire sigil is visible and gaze at it comfortably. Let your eyes become familiar with the symbol and if you’re not using the forgetting method, meditate on the sigils power phrase. As your eyes become more comfortable they’ll start to warp the sigil, it’ll look like it’s squiggling a bit. Shortly after this the sigil will fall still again and appear very ordinary and inert, letting you know that it’s charged and activated.

There are plenty of other ways to activate sigils like burning them, charging them with other power sources, baking them into food, etc. If you’re not getting good results with the method I use, do some research and try other methods of activation!

When you’re done, close down your ritual space and go about your witchy business.

Sigils are wonderful for all sorts of magic, I’ve used them on the outside of the doors to my house for protection, on my skin for changes in my mental state and on sticky notes scattered about my home and town when I need some quick magic. Give them a try and have fun learning how to tap into your subconscious power!

https://thetravelingwitch.com/blog/2016/12/21/creating-sigils?rq=sigil

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 24

(aka the royalty AU story)

Be the change you want to see in the world, right? Well I wanna see more aro ace characters. So here, have a CANON ARO ACE CHARACTER THIS CHAPTER :D

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23] [AO3]

The weather was warm enough for Kim to sit outside at the fountain, doing his homework on the ground with the calming sound of water to focus his mind. Max was busy tutoring someone else at the moment so Kim was on his own. It felt kind of strange doing his homework without Max there to help if he needed it, even though he could usually do it by himself these days. Perhaps he was just getting too used to Max’s company. In any case, it felt somewhat harder to concentrate without Max, though he tried his best.

“Hello, Kim.”

He looked up to see Marchesa Lila walking towards him, a bright orange parasol in hand to protect her from the sun.

“Oh, hey Lila,” he muttered, then went back to working on his homework.

“I was just out here for a walk,” she said, striding right up to him and looking down at him with those enticing green eyes of hers. “I didn’t realize you would be here too, what a coincidence! This really is a lovely fountain, though. What a beautiful, romantic setting.”

Kim was very tempted to ask why she was very clearly hitting on him when he thought she was interested in Adrien instead, but he stopped himself. Lila always hit on everyone, it probably didn’t mean anything. He gave her a quick smile then tried to get back to his homework again.

“A day like this is too good for wasting on work,” she simpered, putting the tip of her parasol down on the sheet of paper and dragging it aside. “Would you like to join me on my walk?”

“Um, no thanks. I have to get this homework done, then I’ve got a football match, and later I was gonna go skating with Alix…”

Lila’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “So… you’re not afraid of her snake?”

“What? Pffff, no way, I’m not scared of snakes. Her snake totally loves me. We’re besties.”

“I’m not scared of snakes either.” Lila flipped her long hair over her shoulder. “My country has venomous cobras too, I’ve tamed them with my bare hands. And I like skating too, you know, I’m a real expert at it. Unfortunately I can’t show you because I recently hurt my foot in a dangerous stunt so my doctor said not to, so I left my rollerskates back in Rossi. Have you been there? You should visit, it’s iconic. The rich, powerful centre of the trade world.”

What? No, none of that could be right, surely. Kim remembered Max teaching him about half the things she just mentioned and… no, there was no way. If she was lying just to get his attention, well, she must have thought he knew nothing about global affairs whatsoever.

“Italia doesn’t have cobras,” he said. “Max said the only venomous snakes in Italia are vipers. And rollerskates are patented in Kubdel, which doesn’t trade with Italia so if you even have skates they must be illegal or directly from when you’ve visited, both of which are hard for a marquise. And Rossi only trades with the Italian mainland and doesn’t have much political power, though I guess it’s kinda wealthy compared to surrounding countries…”

He was impressed at himself by how easily he could recall these facts. Max really must have done a great job at tutoring, that was for sure.

Lila, on the other hand, looked as far from impressed as possible.

“Are you trying to make me look bad or something? I was just trying to be friendly!”

“Huh? No, nothing like that, I was just confused why you were lying…”

“I wasn’t lying!” she huffed, stomping her foot. “How dare you accuse me of being a liar? Because I’m not!”

“Then I guess you were just mistaken or something?”

“No, I know what I’m talking about! I’m much smarter than you, and–”

She stopped and took a deep breath, cooling her temper a little.

“Alright, fine, I might have been exaggerating a bit. I just wanted to have a conversation with you, that was all. I didn’t realize you were just as much of a swot as that Max guy.”

“Max is way smarter than me,” Kim said. “But uh… I’m guessing all the other stuff you’ve told everyone about Rossi this week isn’t true either, is it?”

“It’s kind of true!”

That was probably a lie too. “Lila, I won’t tell anyone you lied. I show off all the time too, it’s fine. But maybe tone it down a bit? If you keep lying then everyone else will realize too, and I don’t think they’d mind much either but someone like Chloé might, and she won’t be happy about that, especially since you’re not technically royalty… So if you want to make friends then probably stop making stuff up, it’ll be easier. I’ll be your friend if you want.”

“Thank you, Kim. But I don’t think I’m interested in being friends with someone who thinks of me as a liar and is going to be judging everything I say. I’ll keep your advice in mind, though. Have fun with your… homework.”

She whirled round and marched off.

Was she upset with him? Was she really going to stop lying? It hurt a little that she had assumed he would be so easy to lie to, and that she had been surprised that he wasn’t just some airhead who didn’t know anything. Was that really how people saw him?

It was probably how they saw him compared with Max, anyway. Anyone was an airhead in comparison with Max. Kim would just have to work harder to show everyone that there was more to him than sportiness and challenges, that was all.

As for Lila, he really had wanted to make friends with her – he knew perfectly well what it was like to want to show off in front of new people to make sure they liked you. But outright lying was something else entirely! He didn’t want a friendship based on lies. And if she didn’t want a friendship based on truth, then it probably wasn’t ever going to happen.

Poor girl… hopefully she would find someone who liked her for who she actually was, and she wouldn’t feel the need to lie to them. Everyone deserved someone to be their true self with.

The summer gala was quickly drawing nearer, and the end of the school year with it. It was going to be an informal, optional event, held in the large open square.

“I’m not going to this one either,” Alix said to Kim and Max after the lesson where they had been told the details about it. “If everyone’s at the gala then there’ll be no one around to tell me off or give me detention for doing all the stuff I’ve always wanted to do at this school.”

“What kind of stuff?” Max asked, looking rather sternly at her. “It’s not illegal, is it?”

“Nah, just stuff like skating down the stair railings and climbing those huge trees near the perimeter.”

“You will break your neck and die.”

“Jeez Max, who replaced you with Jalil? I’ll be fine! It’ll be way more fun than some stupid social event, you know I hate stuff like that. Anyway, if you guys are worried I’ll die then you are free to join me and supervise. As long as you don’t tell the teachers or anything.”

“I’m going to the gala, but Kim can keep you company,” Max said, giving Kim a pointed look.

“Fine. If he can keep up with me, that is.”

“Of course I can keep up!” Kim said. “We should have a race – who can climb the tree the quickest. Loser has to jump from like 20 metres up.”

“Let’s reduce that to 2 metres,” Max said hastily. “Anyway Kim, I need to talk to you about something, that thing to do with that homework thing, come on…”

Without waiting, Max grabbed Kim’s arm and pulled him away.

“What homework thing?” Kim asked once they had stopped.

“That was just an excuse to get you away, I need to say something without Alix being here. Listen – it’s been a long time, I’m getting sick of being wingman if you’re not even going to do anything. You and her not going to the gala will be your chance to tell her you like her, so do it, okay?”

Kim nodded. “You’re right, I’ll totally do it this time. I promise. Thanks, Max. You’re the coolest wingman ever. But… you don’t have to go to the gala if you don’t want to, seriously, I don’t mind if you’re there with us, it’ll probably help me not be such an idiot anyway because I’m always more sensible when you’re around–”

“I’d rather not interfere,” Max muttered. “I’ve already made up my mind, I’m going to the gala. You’ll be fine on your own.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. She must be on the verge of noticing you like her – you’ve asked her for a kiss more than once, you played her a romantic ballad on the day of the Cupid Festival, you were rather obvious about the sports bra incident, everyone else in the class has noticed already… Her obliviousness has to have a limit. And of course, if you just tell her outright, you’ll bypass that problem entirely.”

Kim sighed. “Yeah, I know. It’s just… every time I want to say something, I just remember what happened with Chloé! And I know Alix wouldn’t be like that, but I just can’t help thinking about it, and I’m just… I’m…” He lowered his voice. “…I’m afraid of being rejected like that again.”

“That’s fair enough. I suppose Chloé’s rejection affected you more than you realized. But things will be different this time, I’m certain. You can do it.”

“I can do it,” Kim repeated, trying to reassure himself. “Yeah, I can and WILL do it. I’ve totally got this. It’ll be fine. It’ll be awesome! Thanks Max, you’re awesome too!”

He gave Max a hug, then ran off.

The gala wasn’t much different from the other seasonal socials had been, though it was far more relaxed than the formal ones. Max stood alone by the refreshments table, drinking glass after glass of orange juice and wondering if it was possible to get drunk off it. Scientifically it wasn’t, but he could always hope.

He tried so hard not to feel sorry for himself. He was happy for Kim. He really was! Kim was his best friend, and Max would do anything for him. Even if it hurt a lot.

Juleka wandered over to him, dressed in the kind of bright pink that her sweetheart Rose would usually wear.

“Hi Max, you alright?”

Max shrugged. “Alright is certainly the right word. Not great, but alright.”

“Unrequited love hurts, doesn’t it?”

He almost spat out his drink. She was smiling at him in a somewhat sad, pitying sort of way.

“Yes, I can tell,” she said. “I have much better gaydar than Alya does.”

“Juleka, did you ever have crushes on straight girls?” Max asked suddenly, unable to help himself. “Or girls who just weren’t interested in you? How did you deal with it?”

“I had plenty of crushes before Rose, but I was too shy to ever do anything about it so nothing ever happened.”

“How did you have the courage to ask out Rose?”

“She was already my close friend, so I knew that even if she didn’t feel the same way about me, it wouldn’t end up weird between us. Rose is such a sweetie, of course she would understand. And also Kim kind of egged me on.”

Max couldn’t help but grin. “Kim has no subtlety whatsoever.”

“Of course he doesn’t. You’re much better at hiding your feelings. I think I’m the only one who’s noticed so far.”

“You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t. But maybe you should do something about it.”

“I can’t – Kim doesn’t love me like that, does he?”

Juleka shook her head. “Looks to me like he’s head over heels for Alix.”

“Maybe I should have done something much earlier. It’s too late now. They’re hanging out right at this moment. Probably already sweethearts by now.”

“I doubt it very much.”

“Really? Why?”

“Well, considering that Alix hasn’t even noticed yet that Kim likes her despite how obvious he’s been, she probably isn’t even remotely interested. And, uh, my gaydar is somewhat going off. At least, she’s not straight. I know that much. Same with Kim.”

Max tried not to put too much faith in that. Gaydar wasn’t exactly scientific, so it had to be taken with a grain of salt. Even if Juleka seemed to know more than she let on. Kim was bi, Max knew that, but Alix? What was she, then?

“Anyway,” Juleka said, “I’ll be off now, gotta go back to my sweet Rose and get her that drink she asked me for. Goodbye Max, and good luck.”

She took a drink off the table and walked away. Lucky her… she and Rose were together, and perfectly happy. Though they didn’t exactly tell people the nature of their relationship, no one was really fooled into thinking it was merely close friendship. Thankfully, it seemed that the royalty class at least all seemed to be alright with it. That gave Max a little hope for the future.

He took another swig of orange juice, feeling the fruity sugars imbuing him with hyper energy. Perhaps he shouldn’t have had so much of it. He could barely stand still, wanting to bounce up and down on his toes. His brain was going much too fast as well, coming up with all sorts of stupid thoughts and scenarios quicker than he could stop them.

Was it selfish to wish that Juleka was right, and that Alix didn’t love Kim back? But then again, he didn’t really wish that. He just wanted Kim to be happy, that was what. The problem was whether or not it would make him happy too.

Most of all he wished he had done something earlier. He should have told Kim the truth a long time ago. It would be too late to do that now, when things were so far along. But the longer he waited, the more painful it felt…

Meanwhile, Kim and Alix (and her snake) spent the whole afternoon being able to mess around without any supervision whatsoever, sliding down the railings, clambering up onto the school roof and trying to catch pigeons, throwing algae from the stream at each other, having rollerskate races, trying to avoid the school guards hanging around, jumping off dangerously high tree branches…

By the time the sun was setting, they were both quite tired and they sat on the warm grass under the trees, resting. The little daisies growing everywhere gave Kim an idea.

“Let’s see who can make a daisy chain flower crown the quickest,” he said, starting to pick a few flowers.

“I don’t know how to make those. All the flowers growing in my kingdom are artificial or for decoration, I’m never allowed to pick them.”

“Here, I’ll show you how to do it.”

Using his nail to make a little hole in the stem of one flower, he linked it up with another, then carried on. She watched with interest. Within a few minutes he had a full flower crown ready.

“Nice!” she said, taking off her headdress which the snake was curled up around, putting it down on the grass beside her. “Go on then, make me a cool hippie flower witch.”

He put the flower crown on her head, then sat back and had a look…

It didn’t suit her. Not even a little bit. Yet despite that, he was hit by a surge of longing so strong it made him feel dizzy. There was just something about the way she was smirking at him, her head tilted at that frustratingly cute angle, glints of gold from the setting sun lighting up her pink hair, the tank top leaving every muscle on her arms exposed…

He knew he should tell her how he felt. He’d promised Max he would do it, and he hadn’t yet. Now was the time.

He was just about to speak when she lay down on the grass on her back, looking up at the sky. “There are actually clouds in this country, it’s such a nice change. I can do that thing they do in movies where they look at the clouds and try to point out shapes. Never done it before. That one there, it looks like a… a snake! It’s totally a snake, right?”

Kim looked at the cloud she was pointing at. “Um… it l-looks like an earthworm to me b-but…”

“Gee, what’s up? You sound ill all of a sudden.”

He certainly felt ill – in particular, too lovesick to function properly. Maybe that was a good thing, though. Maybe she would finally notice. That might be better than outright telling her, which was still too nerve-wracking to properly consider.

“Can we have an arm wrestle?” he asked her suddenly.

“What, now? Sure, I guess, that’s kinda random but why not…”

She turned onto her side and lazily grabbed his hand. He was sure the adrenaline would give him enough strength to win easily, but he was still distracted enough to lose within just a few seconds.

“You’re off your game, dude,” she said. “Are you too tired or something? Because that wasn’t even a challenge.”

Just hearing the word “challenge” would ordinarily have snapped him back into action, but he was hyperaware of the fact that he hadn’t yet let go of her hand, and was sitting so close to her, and everything around them was so idyllic and peaceful, and it was just so overwhelming he could hardly even speak.

“Yeah, I’m tired,” he mumbled.

“You need more sleep. You’ve been working yourself too hard recently.” When he didn’t reply, she waved her other hand in front of his face. “Kim? You there?”

“Sorry, I’m j-just…” He scrambled to think of something to say that wasn’t cheesy. “Your hair… I don’t see it that much because… headdress… anyway it looks, um, really pretty…”

Whoops, that was definitely cheesy.

“Oh, cool, thanks.”

Phew, she didn’t seem to think that was weird.

“Can I stroke it?”

He wanted to smack himself in the face – what kind of stupid, weird question was that? Why didn’t he ever think before speaking?

“What is it with you thinking of me as a cat?” she said, grinning. “You did this at the sleepover too, remember?”

Oh thank goodness, she wasn’t weirded out by that either, despite the fact that it was definitely, objectively, weird.

“Well yeah, you’re really cute,” he said quickly, feeling his cheeks burning. “Not just like a cat, I mean, but like… cute. As in, pretty. N-not as much as me though! I’m the coolest, obviously, haha, but like… you’re second, so…”

She laughed. “You’re seriously the only person I know who has ever called me ‘cute’. Usually the word is ‘annoying’ or ‘intimidating’, but ‘cute’ is new. Clearly I’ve not been scary enough lately. Want me to pretend I’m gonna get the snake to eat you again?”

“If you want.”

“Seriously?” She laughed again. “Kim, you’re after something, aren’t you? You’re being so overly nice to me today! What is it you want from me, a telephone? More skating lessons? A less violent Monopoly game?”

“I’m allowed to be nice, aren’t I?”

“Oh yeah, I’m not complaining! It’s just so weird, like you’re trying to appease me or soften a blow or secretly in love with me or something…”

His heart skipped so many beats he was half sure he was having a heart attack. It must have shown on his face, since she frowned suddenly.

“Kim, are you okay? Did I say something? I was just kidding, I didn’t mean–” She let go of his hand rather quickly and sat up. “Wait a second… okay this sounds really weird but I’m just checking… are you in love with me?”

How on earth was he supposed to answer that? The honest answer was yes! But the way she was frowning, looking as if that was not the answer she wanted to hear…

Still, he had promised Max he would do this. It was now or never.

“Since September.”

He had hoped he would stay calm enough to not run off straightaway to avoid whatever the consequences of his confession were, but as soon as he saw the look of complete shock on her face, he leapt to his feet and tore off without looking back.

Kim did not sleep very well that night. He hadn’t even been down to have dinner, just munching on snacks in his room instead, and was seriously contemplating hiding away in here all of the next day too. He did not want to run into Alix. She probably thought he was a complete weirdo, a creep, she wouldn’t want to be his friend now…

In the morning there was a knock on the door. He stayed as silent as possible just in case it was Alix, but then he heard the reassuring voice of Max on the other side.

“Kim, are you in there? Can I come in?”

Kim opened the door. “Oh man, Max, I could not be happier to see you… How was the gala?”

“It was okay,” Max said. “But I’m actually here with a message. Alix wants to talk to you about something, but she wanted me to check first if you actually want to see her or not. I’m assuming you two left something on a bit of a cliff-hanger yesterday.”

“Yeah…” Kim sighed. “Okay, fine, I’ll talk to her. I may as well get it over with. I’ll tell you everything later, I promise.”

“Alright, I’ll send her along. See you later.”

Kim watched Max walk back down the corridor, feeling dread settling in his stomach. Hopefully this wouldn’t be too bad…

A few minutes later he got another knock on his door, and he reluctantly opened it and let Alix in. For once she didn’t have the snake with her – perhaps it had just eaten or something. Well, at least that meant he wouldn’t be killed with it, no matter what else happened.

“Ignore yesterday,” he said immediately, not really looking at her. “Just pretend that didn’t happen, I’m sorry, I was just being an idiot and I know you’re probably mad at me and–”

“What? No, I’m not mad at you.” She was looking at him with an expression that looked mostly like pity, though it was always hard to tell what she was thinking when she wasn’t trying to make it clear. “It’s okay. But I really have to tell you something, so just be quiet and listen.”

So she wasn’t mad, that was a good start. Hopefully the rest of whatever she was going to say wouldn’t be too bad either.

“At my oracle session, the question I asked Master Fu was if there’s gonna be a succession crisis in my kingdom after I die. He said there will be one. Most people would be really upset about that, but for me… it’s good. That was the answer I wanted. Do you know why?”

Kim shook his head. He had never really thought about kingdom succession very much before.

“It’s because if there’s no one to succeed me, it means I have no heirs. And the way succession laws work in my kingdom, it means I have no spouse either. As in, I never marry or have kids. And most people would be horrified about that, too, but…”

She was looking at the ground, as if she was ashamed or nervous to say it.

“…I don’t even know why, but I just… have this kind of… aversion to stuff like that. You know, romance and marriage and stuff. It’s never interested me. Boys, girls, whatever, I don’t care. I have no preference. As in, my preference is none. And because I’m a royal, I always assumed when I grow up I’ll end up forced into a marriage or something and pressured into providing an heir for the throne, that kind of thing, that always happens to people. But the idea of that… it terrifies me.”

Her voice was so quiet by now it was almost hard to hear. It seemed like this was the first time she was ever saying any of this out loud.

“So I was super relieved when I got Fu’s answer because it means I’ll get to live as the kind of pharaoh I want to, without having to marry anyone or anything, I can’t stand the idea of having to do something like that with no choice. I can just be myself. And I guess it’s kinda weird… that I don’t, you know, ever have crushes on people or know what it’s like to fall in love like that, but... maybe I’m not the only one? I don’t know, I’ve never met anyone else like me, but if as a pharaoh I can let the world know this is who I am then maybe other people like this will come forward saying they feel the same way and I’ll know I’m not alone…”

She finally looked back up at him, though she still seemed somewhat nervous.

“And so yeah, I’m not into you like that. But it’s not personal – I’m not into anyone like that. And I want to let you know that this doesn’t change anything, you’re still my best friend, okay? I mean, it’s actually kinda flattering that you like me. I never expected anyone to, I’m not really… I don’t know, conventional? Feminine? I’m just weird, I never thought anyone would be into me. What do you see in me, anyway?”

Kim’s throat felt so choked up it was a wonder he could even speak. “Honestly I don’t even know… you’re really cool, I guess? So spirited and carefree and the only person who can ever match me in a challenge… it’s inspiring, and awesome, and… uh, not that it matters too much, but you are pretty hot, so…”

She cracked a grin. “So are bossy, intimidating, hot girls your type? Because there was Chloé too, right?”

“Haha yeah, maybe… Did you really not notice I liked you before yesterday? I think the whole class had noticed already.”

“I really didn’t know,” she admitted. “I’m so oblivious when it comes to stuff like this. I mean, I did occasionally think about it. Like when you played that song for me on the day of the Cupid Festival, but then you said it was a friendship song, so…”

“It was a love song.”

“Ah, that makes more sense. And then at spring with the sports bra I wondered too, but I just chalked it up to you being a teenage guy and having a thing for sports bras.”

“Well, I guess it was a combination of all that...”

“Fair enough.”

“Anyway, um, for the record I totally do care about you as a friend too, I promise,” Kim said. “Like, platonically. So thanks for saying you’ll still be my best friend, and we can just carry on like normal… maybe now I’ve got this off my chest this crush will go away… I really just do wanna be your friend. You’re an awesome friend.”

“Yeah, you’re a… a… okay, this is going to sound really cheesy, but I have to say it, so just shut up and listen.”

She took a deep breath, folding her arms and looking at the floor again.

“Just because I’m not in love with you, doesn’t mean I don’t love you, okay? Because I totally do. You’re my best friend, and before this year I didn’t really have any friends, so you’re just… you’re really important to me and this friendship means so much to me, okay? And you’re so awesome and supportive and always there for me… a-and I will be your winggirl. You deserve someone amazing who loves you back. Anyone would be lucky to have you. You’re the best and I just want you to be happy.”

Kim didn’t dare say anything, since he felt sure if he even said a word he would just burst into tears on the spot. He was sure no one had ever said something so nice to him before – except maybe Max.

“And I have something to give you,” Alix said, unfolding her arms and looking up at him again. “I forgot about it ages ago but this all kind of reminded me. Anyway, kneel down.”

He kneeled, now roughly the same height as her.

“Now close your eyes.”

That sounded ominous. Feeling apprehensive, he closed his eyes and waited. He heard her footsteps coming towards him, then she took his face in her hands…

And kissed him.

He was so shocked he opened his eyes – though by that time it was over already anyway.

“That was left over from the mistletoe at the winter party,” she said, and he noticed she was blushing a little. “I thought I might as well do it, since you like me and everything. I guess we’d both forgotten about it.”

He tried not to freak out, though it was difficult when his brain felt like it had turned to mush, and his heartrate was so high he felt like he was going to collapse. He could still feel his lips tingling, though it had only lasted a few seconds at most…

“I hadn’t forgotten,” he admitted. “I just… didn’t want to ask… thought it would be weird…”

“Well yeah, it was pretty weird. But not bad, I guess. Anyway, I’m gonna go brush my teeth and hope I didn’t catch anything from you, so I’ll see you later. And you have my permission to tell Max everything.”

“Thanks.” That was something he was definitely going to do, alright.

“No problem.” She gave him a friendly punch in the arm, then opened the door and left.

Kim didn’t move from where he was for a few minutes, still reeling from the kiss. Memories of his oracle session suddenly came back to him, especially one phrase in particular: don’t get your hopes up.

This was what Master Fu had meant. It was clear now. Kim did indeed get a kiss from Alix, just like he wanted… but not for the reasons he wanted. It was a platonic kiss, if such a thing existed.

But at this point he didn’t even mind. Mostly, he was just relieved that Alix still wanted to be his friend. He was content with that. At least now he had nothing to hide from her, and he knew nothing would get in the way of their friendship. The thought made him feel so much better.

Yeah… friends. That would be for the best.

[sazorak]

What I Thought Of Every Single Game I Played In 2016

I played a bunch of games in 2016. Here's what I thought about them, in a ranked order! This is my list, and if you have problems with me putting games released in previous years on it: fight me.

[2015]

Honorable Mention: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective - DS - ★★★★★ - 2011

Apropos of nothing, I replayed Ghost Trick this year. Man: Ghost Trick is still reaaaaally goddamn good. It's got style, it's got charm. Its bypasses the miserable scavenger-hunt aspects of traditional adventure games by focusing on self-contained environments with limited, obvious points of interaction that put the focus more on sequencing and logic than "well, I guess I'll use the banana on the duck." You spend a lot time thinking about umbrellas, how to knock umbrellas around, and the different shapes umbrellas can take. It made me understand why people like dogs that bark all the time.

This replay has definitely cemented it as my all time favorite adventure game. It's a shame we'll never see another of its ilk. It's some small consolation that the lack of interest in making a sequel prevents Capcom from ruining it with an ill-advised, poorly constructed follow-up. Let them keep milking Phoenix Wright half to death while their masterpiece rests on its mighty laurels. Oh Nick, your poor, poor teats. You don't deserve that kind of treatment.

Coast Guard the Video Game - Steam - ★ - 2015

I have never been so disappointed in a video game.

I admit: this may seem a bit extreme. No one in their right mind would have any kind of expectations for Coast Guard: The Video Game. It's a bottom-of-the-barrel budget release created to capitalize on the fact that there's been literally no other game about the Coast Guard – the point where they literally were able to call the game "Coast Guard." A bunch of Germans made it on a shoestring German-game budget, and sitting on the title screen for longer than 30 seconds causes the whole thing to go haywire. I knew all this going in, and it filled me not with antipathy, but hope.

All I wanted was a game that was not only shitty, but also stupid; I wanted something that would be worthy of showing my pal Chorocojo, a member of the US Coast Guard, so that I could get some real good goofs. It didn't need to be good; it just had to be entertainingly bad and on topic. I just wanted to recapture the kind of inane shittiness that we I loved about Man vs Wild the Game.

The Man vs Wild game was bad. It was cheap. It was stuuuupid. But Man vs Wild was structured in a way that fit the experience. It's a budget title created by a team that knew that even budget titles need some bare minimum of production and gameplay. It doesn't waste your time. Coast Guard, for its stupid story and writing, has absolutely no respect for your time. It suffers the ultimate sin of media: being not only bad, but also plain boring.

Fuck this game.

Sayonara Umihara Kawase - Steam - ★★ - 2015

I picked up the latest title in this reel old series of fish-avoidance fishing-pole-platformers because, frankly, seeing the older games on Game Center CX piqued my interest to see where they've taken the franchise in the intervening decades. Turns out? Not very far. The game is almost identical in every way to the older titles, just rendered in a more modern 3D engine. But boy is this package rough.

The controls are a nightmare. It crashed on me several times. I literally could not figure out how to beat the first boss. You'd think a platformer whose only point of interaction with enemies is "use fishing pole" would have a relatively simple to deduce first boss, but man, you got me. I tried hooking the thing, I tried going over the thing, I tried jumping the thing, I tried pulling the thing. After a half an hour of trying, I realized I really did not care for the game anyway so why bother? There are better uses of my time.

#19: Death Road to Canada - Steam - ★★★ - 2016

Death Road to Canada is... OK? It has some neat procedural design. It has the varied, challenging gameplay you'd expect from a zombie-shooting rogue-like. It's real goofy and doesn't take itself seriously, which is really the only way to handle zombie-apocalypse themed games in 2016. But man: I do not like how this controls. The two-dimensional sprite character look neat, but with how combat operates on a three-dimensional axis, it's frustrating. The forced perspective made it hard to just hit enemies directly above my character, and I fell prey too frequently to damage that arose less from misplay on my part as from an inability to predict how hit boxes work on what feels like an inappropriate aspect angle.

I think part of the issue is that I came to this game less from the perspective of "Hey, I like zombie games!" or even "Hey, I like roguelikes!" (though I've been known to enjoy both of those) but more "Oregon Trail II is a fucking dope game." I think what I wanted out of this was less "2D zombie loot brawler with Oregon Trail II" themes, and more "Another Oregon Trail: I guess there's zombies an anime in this one?" Wait, shit, someone should make an Anime Oregon Trail. Or an Oregon Trail Anime.

Never Alone - Steam - ★★★ - 2014

I appreciate what Never Alone is trying to do. Conveying the folklore of a culture an artistic video game is a brilliant idea, and the atmosphere that they create is fantastic. There's also a lot of interesting documentary material built in.

Problem is: the actual platforming isn't all that fun. Kind of frustrating, really. It's like a low-rent version of Brothers. What they've done is admirable and fine as an experience, but as a game it ironically left be rather cold. Worth experiencing if you're interested in the folklore side of it, but not really otherwise.

#18: Fire Emblem Fates - 3DS - ★★★ - 2016

I'm beginning to suspect I don't actually like Fire Emblem that much.

Here's the thing: My first entry in the series was Awakening. I enjoyed the tactical combat well enough, and the notion of managing the interactions of a really diverse, anime-ass cast was like a weird, omnidirectional relationship magician was neat! Combat scenarios were challenging but not too bad by and large, and the characters and writing were fun— if somewhat shallow. I managed to get through the combat with judicious reloading to keep everyone alive (which I blamed on my inexperience), though I was rather frustrated with just how little they actually managed to do with the cast. The way they had so many characters but none of them really interacted with each other unless you were setting them up to bone down— and none of them really had anything to really do with the ongoing plot beyond being another interchangeable unit in your altogether too oversized army.

After playing through the entirety of Birthright and most of Conquest, and with them really doubling down on the elements I didn't really like in Awakening, I'm really beginning to doubt what I thought I liked about this series. The difficult of combat scenarios are so dependent on minute variations of motion-capability and enemy movement which seem utterly unpredictable without either tons of iterations (ie, retrying a scenario over and over) or by plotting out actions with painstaking detail. The sheer amount of damage that can be done in a single turn is absurd, a reality made trickier by the game's love of introducing enemies in such an unpredictable way that you can be royally screwed if you don't know it's coming. Oh, you left a healer over near this tree? Surprise idiot, apparently a dozen wyvern riders were living in that tree! Birthright swung wildly between trivially easy / too simple missions and frustratingly badly constructed ones. Conquest had more interesting mission design, but they rewarded less tactical expertise and understanding of the systems than the constant-reload mindset required to keep everyone alive – and to ensure your party got enough experience to keep everyone alive down the line.

The writing for Fates is real fucking bad. The story is the most generic, milquetoast-ass warring kingdoms plot, and the way they attempt to throw a twist at is so surface level obvious that the existence of it was baked into their damn marketing campaign. An evil dragon is up to no good and causes a king to go do evil shit and there's literally nothing else it. Not a single twist along the way. I don't need deep literature here, but they need to do SOMETHING with the story beyond what they've been doing. The two games having diverging takes of the same story could have been interesting if it weren't for the fact that it's constructed on so flimsy a framework that in order for it to work it requires the cast to be biggest most stubborn morons imaginable— which really doesn't make me like them at all.

And boy do they really, REALLY struggle from their character's own mortality. Because any character— bar a few crucial exceptions— can die, characters cannot have any writing devoted to them outside the missions where they're recruited, certain character-specific missions, and their ten paragraphs of support dialog in the castle. Because everyone can die at any given point, writing conditional dialog that may not be used would be a waste of the developer's resources / potentially alter the plot- meaning no one actually has any time to build any real character. This is made all stupider by the fact that the game for whatever reason also maintains Awakening's children-generating mechanic, which is spuriously supported in this game by using fast-time bubbles your children are raised in so that they can fight in your army within a day of you getting married / them being born. It's fucking stupid, and they refuse to even tip the tiniest hat to acknowledge it.

The sad part is, I don't think there's much hope in much of this being changed going forward. Permadeath is considered a "core feature" of the Fire Emblem series that grognards love to argue about, and the fundamental combat system has become increasingly more frustrating the more and more I learn it, rather than the other way around. This whole series and paradigm feels like it could learn a lot of what BioWare has done with its own relationship-heavy RPGs, and maybe dial the cast back a bit and put a bit more time into increasing the quality of the writing. Not going to happen though.

Azure Striker Gunvolt - Steam - ★★★ - 2015

Here's a secret about me that you may not know: I like anime. Quite a bit, actually. I've watched a lot of anime. I devoted perhaps too much mental energy during crucial years of my life towards anime. My brain is irreparably wired for it. I cannot escape it. I am anime.

And as much as the anime ideal in my head differs wildly from the style of Azure Striker Gunvolt, I don't dislike having a really stereotypical-ass neon-colored anime romp now and then. That being said: Azure Striker Gunvolt is not an especially good one of those. The story is Mega Man meets X-Men meets Idol music numbers, with very little of what would make all of that any good. The bad guys you face somehow have less character than even ostensibly mindless Mega Man bosses, and the story is way too sparse (and no good) for as much weight as it wants to give it. The music numbers are pretty OK though.

The tag-and-zap system of Gunvolt and its interplay with platforms and dodging enemy fire is interesting and certainly more complex than Mega Man's old run-and-gun, but it's ultimately Gunvolt's downfall as well: it actually requires a bit too much deliberate thought and action to work well. Mega Man, across so many of its platforming-focused instantiations, has been less about precision and more about flow. While the platforming may occasionally be very precise, and they are definitely not mindless games, you still ultimately spend most of your time just holding right and dealing with challenges as they come. It's platforming by gut and feel. Gunvolt rewards precision and punishes slack. It rates you at the end of every mission and basically yells at you if you can't maintain a combo and dodge fire the entire mission. The game expects you to replay the missions and aim for perfection, but I don't feel the mechanics of Gunvolt are good enough to even consider putting that kind of time of mine in. Good for those that do, but nope.

Also, for some reason the US version had a bunch of story shit cut which makes the game even more incoherent. Bizarre.

#17: Worms W.M.D. - Steam - ★★★ - 2016

It's still really fun to import art into Worms and then blow it up. WMD isn't substantially different from Reloaded (which I also liked well enough), but it has enough quality of life improvements and new features that I still enjoyed my time with it playing against my friends. This is about all I want from it. Congrats Worms, you managed to make it this far just from "I enjoy fucking around with my friends".

Transformers: Devastation - Steam - ★★★ - 2015

One of the weird twists of a kind of strange, sort of shitty year was me being exposed more to and getting really into Transformers. I really like the Transformers. I used to not give a Cybertronain shit about these guys but man I get it now (thanks entirely to IDW's great line of Generation 1 comics). Transformers: Devastation is just a big ol' fanservice send up to Transformers from Platinum Studio's B team. Luckily for me, I really like Bayonetta and similar titles from Platinum's menagerie, so a Transformers game with those mechanics sounded pretty great!

And for what it is, Transformers: Devestation IS pretty great. But that "what it is" really just amounts to a budget tie-in game that slaps a mediocre weapon looting system and a simpler version of the Bayonetta combat onto the old generation 1 Transformers license. If you're willing to accept that for what it is and march through four hours or so of somewhat-repetitive encounters so that you can have Optimus Prime punch Megatron in the face in low-earth orbit, it's a good time. It's not exactly something I'd recommend to anyone not into either Transformers OR character action games, but if you like either (both?) of those things, this is a decent enough.

Theatrythm Final Fantasy: Curtain Call - 3DS - ★★★ - 2014

I liked the previous Theatrythm Final Fantasy game for the 3DS well enough. The Final Fantasy series has catchy tunes, playing through them in a vaguely Ouendan manner is fun. This game adds a whole heap of new songs from across the series that wasn't in the previous game, and adds another heap of new characters for exploring the expanded RPG elements (particularly, their quests). The music and rhythm parts are fine, no real objections with those. My big problem with this game is that the RPG elements still have no purpose. Yes, they allow you to get "further" through enemy sequences, get more points or prizes, or stumble through badly performed sections longer - but to what end, really? The major driver for the game when you get down to it is the desire to unlock the characters from across the different series by collecting colored crystals, but there's not a lot of point to this past a desire for completion or to see your favorites. I got my favorites rather quick, and after that the act of actually using and improving those characters felt... empty? It's rather shallow and short lived because they don't really do anything. Each character's unique traits and skills don't serve any other end beyond the numbers getting bigger and bigger, or allowing you to hobble your way through higher difficulties that you may not be able to keep up with.

The RPG aspect is a tacked on element to make their rhythm game more "Final Fantasy", when the game would have been much better served as an RPG that integrated rhythm-based execution of songs into its combat / navigation structure. Their quests play at this kind of idea, but don't actually implement the mechanics in such a way that makes it anything beyond just another way of presenting a randomized sequence of the three different rhythm mini-games— and those mini-games just aren't nearly as well executed as the kind you encountered in Ouendan or Elite Beat Agents in the first place.

Steamworld Dig - 3DS - ★★★ - 2013

Steamworld Dig has a very simple but effective draw: digging deeper to get materials to upgrade your tools to dig deeper to get materials to upgrade your tools to dig deeper to get materials to upgrade your tools is a fun gameplay loop. It's a huge part of what makes Minecraft and its ilk appealing. It targets the weird portion of our lizard brains focused on letting us know that even menial labor can be appealing if you feel like you're slowly accomplishing something.

Steamworld Dig is a great example of how that loop can play out, but that's about it. Its plot is essentially a placeholder, and while it has a mild amount of platforming mechanics for handling its occasional puzzle side levels, none of it really helps it get past being just a digger game. But for a short, cheap game, it's good enough.

#16: Forza Horizon 3 - PC - ★★★ - 2016

It's good to drive a car now and again. I'm not really into these sorts of games much for the racing; it is fine, I don't dislike doing it. Driving faster than other cars in a loop and getting ahead because I drive like a fucker is good. But really I just want to drive around a world far-too-fast and just look at it. Forza Horizon 3 is pretty good for that. The driving feels real good, the cars are fun, and the environment is diverse and interesting.

... but unfortunately, given what I wanted out of the game has less to do with racing and more to do with the environment itself, it is a bit lacking in terms of the longer-term appeal. It actually didn't take long to see all of what they had going on in their tiny Australia; while the environments are diverse, they're actually pretty small. I guess I just wanted something bigger. Forza-style driving in a The Crew-sized world would have been amazing, for example. The big attraction of Forza Horizon 3 is its online features, but frankly I don't have any real interest in that kind of thing; I'm here to treat it as basically a podcast game.

As a side note: the special unique racing events you unlock over the course of the game are actually not that great? As it turns out, racing a train, or some boats, or a helicopter really isn't all that different; they're just time trials with some neat set dressing. The fact that they're basically your reward and motivation for winning a bunch of races is kind of daft. They could do better.

#15: American Truck Simulator - Steam - ★★★ - 2016

Speaking of liking-to-drive while zoning out: man is it fun to drive a truck around the southwestern United States. As I talked about last year with Euro Truck Simulator 2, it's good to have a low-impact simulation that you can just load a podcast or some music on and drive. Problem is: there's way too little of it! If you want me to enjoy driving around you gotta give me more of the country to work with.

Guacamelee: Super Turbo Championship Edition - Wii U - ★★★ - 2013

I really wanted to like Guacamelee more than I do. It's a Metroidvania, which is possibly my favorite gaming genre. It has a great aesthetic. I fucking adore Mexican culture as an aesthetic for fantasy, and Guacamelee has that in spades with its luchador hero-myth, its underworld cast, and its overall world design. It's just got a great, unique feel that jives great with their combat system.

But I REALLY dislike the writing in the game, especially their attempts at comedy. Apparently this is the version where they toned down the amount of meme-y billboards and game references, but holy shit are there still WAY too goddamn much. It feels like nearly every single screen has a reference to old video games taped to the wall, and every single time it takes me completely out of the experience. Games NEED cohesiveness to sell you on their world, and each element should ultimately serve that cohesive whole— or at the very least, not detract from it while doing their own thing. The sheer amount of constant reference-based humor combined with overall just generally mediocre writing, made me cold on the experience.

While the combat was certainly unique and it worked overall pretty well with their arena combat, it just didn't feel all the way there. After a while it just got dull, and instead of varying my moves I started to just rely on tried-and-true combinations to get it done. This was in part due to a number of mechanics being introduced which, while certainly making the combat more dynamic, weren't actually all that fun in the actual flow of things (looking at you, dimension hopping bad guys). Towards the end it began to remind me of the Wolf Link segments of Twilight Princess, which isn't the most ringing of endorsements.

The game as a whole is decent with glimmers of brilliance—, it's just a real shame that there are so many weird inclusions that prevent it from achieving a truly timeless greatness. As a side note: the requirement for getting the "best ending" was stupid and, ultimately, really not that fun to do. Then again, the bad ending is arguably a better one than the "best ending", so that may be beside the point.

#14: SteamWorld Heist - 3DS - ★★★★ - 2016

It's absurd that this game works. The very notion of a 2D XCOM-like just seems like a bad idea? Or just be too simple? SteamWorld Heist is not a super complex game, but what's there is actually incredibly fun. The different class-based abilities paired with the weird guns and hat-removing laser-sight-aiming combat us super interesting. The story and world were pretty forgettable, but the actual combat and missions were varied enough and interesting that I had a good time with it. The hat collection mechanic is such a stupid good idea; the risk reward of "wow that's a different hat, do I take a turn off to shoot that hat off to try to collect it while I'm being shot at?" is both goofy and an interesting complication to the tactical combat.

#13: Inside - Steam - ★★★★ - 2016

Inside has a very effective and affective atmosphere. It's dark, it's mysterious, and while playing it I had absolutely no fucking idea what was going on. Hell, after finishing it I still have no fucking idea what was going on, and I'm usually pretty good at sussing out this kind of thing. While it is nominally a puzzle-platformer, the puzzles and platforms really only exist to sell the mood and setting and get you asking what's going on, until you reach the final twist where they really throw the whole thing for a loop. It's a good, self-contained experience, though I did not find it nearly as affecting as others did.

The final twist seems like it'd be more impactful if you are particularly susceptible to that style of horror; to me it was mostly just a cool thing that ended a bit too soon, with too many answers unanswered. A microcosm of the game as a whole, really.

#12: XCOM 2 - Steam - ★★★★ - 2016

XCOM 2 is... weird. In so many ways it's XCOM But More, which sounds great. The increased customization in terms of character designs, loadouts, and team composition, and the increased variability in mission-style, enemy types, and the overall flow of combat should have made it just an immediate total improvement on XCOM 1. But the story as executed really wasn't different enough (or interesting enough) compared to its predecessor, and the overworld strategic element ended up being more frustrating than I think they intended for.

The real crux of this seems to come down to their focus on ticking clock elements to solve the gameplay problems of the first game. There are just too many time-based fail states, both in and outside of missions. I get why they're there: to force you to keep moving forward and take risks rather than playing it totally safe and defensively, as the game's mechanics would otherwise encourage you to do. The natural inclination when you can be surprised at any given moment and lose valuable soldiers is to play it careful and wait for the enemy to come to you, so making that not an option by forcing to keep moving towards the exit is a great idea in principle. But the actual result is so punitive if you fail to adequately perform due to any number of XCOM-esque unpredictable events ("SURPRISE YOU WALKED INTO AN AMBUSH OF 20 DUDES", "Surprise you got bogged down and lost your whole team before you could evacuate", "Surprise you misjudged the arbitrary overworld clock and just lost the whole game!") that it narrowly misses the point of XCOM. XCOM is supposed to be punishing, but XCOM is more about coming back from the brink than it is supposed to be about avoiding punishment. You're supposed to keep soldiering on. The timer-elements put too much focus on punishment avoidance than on just pulling through the constant struggle. It addresses people playing too safe by forcing them to play risky in order to play it safe. The end result is that gameplay is often times stressful, and not necessarily in a good way. Which is a shame; the actual improvements to base XCOM are by and large GREAT. I had a fantastic time playing XCOM 2, but I am not exactly itching to go back for another run like I was with XCOM. If they had just made some different design decisions, and had more time to polish the game and bug-fix, I could have seen this game much higher on my list.

#11: Firewatch - Steam - ★★★★ - 2016

Firewatch has some very interesting character writing and storytelling, but it mostly made me really want to go camping. It's a great representation of what it's like to be in the wilderness around Yellowstone National Park, and just what it's like to hike around and just look at beautiful nature general. I really want to go back to the area now. Damn it.

People give a lot of guff towards these "walking simulator" style narrative-driven games, but I like them an awful lot. They're an interesting approach towards interactive storytelling, and the effect it has on immersing you in the role of its characters is interesting. That being said, Firewatch struggles between making Henry an established, known character, and you "playing" at being Henry. Henry makes a lot of decisions and conclusions that I, personally, would never do. He comes across as a real fuck up at times. Which is fine, I like flawed characters. But when I'm expected to deal with the repercussions of his decisions from a first-person perspective where I even have some amount of dialog choices, it's a bit weird. That's the nature of the medium, to be sure; you can't just let me decide to not go into the wilderness in the first place because then there's no game. But there's still this struggle between the narrative and our place in it that I don't feel like Firewatch necessarily gets wholly right. The contextual handling of decisions is crucial for Firewatch to work (turtle adoption included), but it seems in conflict with the story that they're trying to tell.

I enjoyed the narrative ride by and large, but the ending is abrupt on multiple levels. It feels deliberate and intentional, but I just didn't care for it. Some of that stems from a desire for more closure, but I also think their technical limitations may have caught up with them as well.

#10: Titanfall 2 - Origin - ★★★★ - 2016

Titanfall 2 is a lot of fun, but the experience is in many ways emotionally shallow.

The campaign has an abundance of really interesting design. Bouncing from the shooter equivalent of Powerhouse to committing egregious technochronomancy to what is in essence a HL2 gravity gun sequence to LOADING AUTOAIM DOT EXE, you can tell that the chapters were probably conceived independently of each other. While this might seem like a risk to a coherent overall flow, it results in a varied experience that doesn't dwell too long on any one idea. Mechanics as specific as "time travel" and "AUTO GUN" are introduced, explored, and then discarded before they can grow tired. It's a neat outcome of what must have been several teams prototyping a variety of gameplay designs, then building a framework to tie them all together. And it works!

The unfortunate side effect of this is that it was hard for them to layer a good, well-written, and evocative story over it. Because the game is haphazardly structured between these different extended sequences, there's not a lot of room for its cast and the narrative to breathe. The quality of writing leaves a lot to be desired. You'd think, "Weird gimmick mercs in giant robots challenging you one by one", Snake Eater meets Gundam, would write itself, but the game's refusal to take the time necessary to develop the cast makes each encounter emotionally empty. The lead is a shmuck best defined by being good at shooting men with robots, and his robot body is underutilized and then killed off.

The gameplay, both in singleplayer and in multiplayer, is challenging and fast without being too hectic, but it doesn't achieve the kind of flow I want in a shooter. I suppose that's what you get from a game that's essentially a Super CoD when all things are said and done. Still, I can crush people with a robot from orbit, which is pretty great.

#9: Rhythm Heaven MEGAMIX - 3DS - ★★★★ - 2016

#8: Overwatch - Battle Net - ★★★★ - 2016

Say what you will about Blizzard. Maybe they always play it safe. Maybe their writing is always terrible. But man can they polish the hell out of a game. Overwatch is an immaculately well-polished team-based shooter. Each hero plays and feels really good and different. Where writing fails them, art and setting design triumphs. Blizzard has some of the most killer creative and art designers in the business.

While they certainly deserve the praise they get for the way they mesh TF2 and MOBA-style hero mechanics, I don't think they get nearly enough attention for how smart they are avoiding the feel-bad elements of those games. The way Overwatch lauds praise on players without surfacing negatives, even in defeat, is a fascinatingly effective bit of smoke and mirrors. Relentless surfacing individual successes without even showing the FPS standby of the kill/death ratio works to the game's benefit, and I can only imagine it has a lot to do with their success in shepherding in a more diverse audience that may not have a background in shooters.

Personally, I got a little bored with it after putting a few dozen hours in, but that's a pretty reasonable amount of time from a multiplayer shooter in my book. It's good. D.VA #1.

#7: Stellaris - Steam - ★★★★ - 2016

Stellaris is so close to being a truly great 4X game. The UI is phenomenal, the writing is good, and the varieties of weird things that can happen and that you can do are great. It's easily the most accessible game Paradox has ever made; as someone who has bounced off Crusader Kings 2 and its ilk every time, I easily picked up Stellaris and have put well over a hundred hours into it. As they continue to increment on it, I can see myself putting over a hundred more. The baseline gameplay loop is just VERY, VERY GOOD, and it's caused me to 4X time travel an embarrassing amount of times.

It's so close to being truly great, but there are a number of major issues Paradox still needs to address. Ship combat needs refinement; there's no real tactics, and barely any strategy. War is a slog; the current war goals mechanic makes it painstakingly slow to eke out a victory, even with an overwhelming power disparity. The game needs to support more variety in its playstyles; after a certain point it's kind of rote. Politics, both inside and outside of one's empire, are paper-thin; factions just don't matter at the moment. My xenophilic empires of weirdo alien delights are not nearly weird enough yet; let my race of dirty nasty boys give the xenophobes something to really hate.

I guess I'll have to live with it being a mostly great 4X game for the time being. This is one I'm in for the long haul.

#6: Abzu - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

Like Endless Ocean before it, Abzu is one of the few games that really captures the experience of diving; not so much the technical, grounded experience (which Endless Ocean, while quite fantastical itself, embodies more) but more the emotional experience of experiencing the majesty of the oceans. Abzu is an experience. While there's not much to it beyond just moving forward and looking at fish, the moving forward feels good, the fish look great, and there's some real good visuals and music throughout the ride.

I'm not entirely sure what all happened in it, but it was a relaxing time that made me want to dive more. Good work. Now I've spent hundreds of dollars on new diving gear.

#5: Drawful 2 / Jackbox Party Pack 3 - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

I get the feeling that some permutation of Jackbox Games' party games will exist on my favorite game lists for the remainder of time, just because I really enjoy joking and drawing with my idiot friends. These games are fantastic if you hang with a crowd with like-minded senses of humor. The actual content of Party Pack 3 is a bit hit-and-miss, though TKO is such a standout that I don't care. The drawing ones typically are.

#4: Dark Souls 3 - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

It's kind of funny: one of my biggest complaints about Dark Souls 2 was how it didn't give a due amount of respect to its predecessor in its setting and story. Dark Souls 2 made the events of the first game into just the first in what is apparently an indefinite cycle of people-turning-into-assholes as death loses meaning and the world going haywire. I think part of my distaste stemmed from how it completely cast aside the religious undertones of the first game. I enjoy stories of gods and men, men stabbing gods as the world ends, and then men beginning a new dark age with really tall serpents with too many teeth. As far as I was concerned, that was the canon ending for the first Dark Souls, and Dark Souls 2 didn't really explain how we got from there to, well, Two.

Dark Souls 3 does a much better job playing tribute to its origins, through a lot more explicit explorations of the nature of the world, the mechanics of how the setting works, and the place of larger-than-life figures in it. Where Dark Souls 2 felt like Dark Souls More, Dark Souls 3 feels like Dark Souls Chapter 2: This Time It Ends. And end it does.

Thematic stuff aside, it's also just a good Souls game. There are some really fun location designs and boss fights. It doesn't have quite the absurd amount of interconnectedness that Dark Souls 1 had with its locations, but it was still kind of mind-blowing to come out of a swamp after a few hours and realize I'd looped back to the first area of the game again. I found myself also enjoying the very explicit Dark Souls 1 cameos, though it got a bit stupid in a few places. If you've played the game, you'll know the ones. Knights of Catarina continue to be great, though. Shine on you dullard onion sons.

If there's one real problem I have with the game, it's what they did with the poise mechanic. Whereas in the past it was a viable strategy to wear heavy armor, wield heavy weapons, and go to town because there was an invisible "poise" meter for resisting stagger (offsetting your own slowness to a degree), now EVERYTHING staggers. Fast weapons and low armor are the law of the land and the correct way to play. Their new invincibility-frame interpretation of poise outright sucks, and being Estoc'd to death again and again is a miserable way to go.

Tabletop Simulator - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2015

I don't actually have a lot of first-hand experience with tabletop games of any kind. I've certainly played the occasional board game, but I never really ran with that crowd for most of my life, and my parents have never been much in the way of the game-playing type beyond Scrabble. My exposure to tabletop gaming has a lot to do with my current circle of friends, and I've enjoyed them an awful lot.

Tabletop Simulator's strength is that it is any tabletop game that anyone takes the time to import into its engine. Which includes a lot of really, really good tabletop games as it turns out. It's a bit cheating, but that's the strength of it: it's hundreds of brilliant games in one, so long as you have the friends to play it with.

A lot of goofy improv, card games, and trivia have gone down in Tabletop Simulator for me over the last year. It's probably the game on this list I want to revisit the most, too, as it's a sure-fire way to have a real good time. I really want to play more Snake Oil. Snake Oil is a very good game.

#3: Final Fantasy IX - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

Final Fantasy IX is REALLLLLLY GOOD. Like yes, I had heard this for ages, but it was never on a platform I owned. Finally it has come to Steam, and finally did I play it. And man: real good!

The gameplay is pretty standard JRPG fare for its original era. It's serviceable, but rather unchallenging and doesn't have much in the way of mechanical depth. But the quality of the characters and writing in the game make up for it in spades. I really enjoyed the main cast an awful lot, and liked how much more playful it was than its 3D predecessors (and successors). It's got a sweet love story, meaningful explorations of mortality, loss, and sacrifice, and you at one point save a tiny rat prince from a rather pissed off antlion.

The only thing I really dislike about the game are the oodles of strategy guide hooks that still remain and don't have much meaning in 2016. There are so many weird hidden things that are essentially impossible to divine without a guide (or, in my case, a helpful friend). None of them are mandatory or even crucial, but many of them are actually pretty interesting to the point where missing them would kind of stink. It's bizarre that beating the extra super boss (which admittedly I didn't do) rewards you with an in-game version of the strategy guide that just sits in your inventory as a final fuck-you note of "THERE'S ON WAY YOU'D HAVE MANAGED ANY OF THIS IF YOU HADN'T LOOKED IT UP HUH, THANKS FOR P(L)AYING".

I also could go the rest of my life never having to play Chocobo Hot-and-Cold again because man. MAN.

#2: Pokemon Moon - 3DS - ★★★★★ - 2016

Pokemon Moon is one of the best games in a franchise I adore. It, like its predecessors, is not a particularly challenging RPG. But building a team of weirdo goofball monster friends, raising them up, then doing battle with them against my friends, is really fun!. I am also the kind of weirdo with sincere opinions on the quality of Pokemon storytelling; namely, I want it to be really good AND really stupid.

Pokemon Moon diverges from past Pokemon games by dropping the badge-and-gym system and replacing it with a series of combat-adjacent trials. The switch allowed them to explore alternate ways of presenting Pokemon-based challenges while better using the gym-leader-stand-in trial captains and kahunas, who are all great. The fire island-challenge made me cry laughing. The cast is phenomenal, easily my favorite in the series.

The plot is not nearly as goofy or weird as some of the previous games (to be fair, it's hard to top X & Y's insanity), but the cast is sooooo much better and more likeable that it's hard to really care. The new faces are a diverse, eclectic bunch, and the cameos from old faces are also fantastic. I did not expect to find Grimsley, amateur Dracula, waiting on a beach wearing a kimono so he could give me a shark.

Mechanically, there's also a ton of quality of life improvements that eliminate much of the lingering frustrations that the series has been carrying with it for years now0. The elimination of HMs, the streamlining of breeding and IV stats-checking, and other minor improvements to the interface and menus make the game so much better than its predecessors.

Really, my only complaints about the game are tied to some issues with post-game grind, a much worse online interface system than the deeply integrated one in X&Y, and the fact that the Battle Tower and Battle Royale continue to be imbalanced, poorly structured, and huuuuge cheating pieces of shit. That's Pokemon for you.

#1: Doom - Steam - ★★★★★ - 2016

DOOM is power.

DOOM is flow.

DOOM is violence.

DOOM is finding yourself surrounded by thirty dozen demons, each more capable of killing you than the last, and then just tearing them apart. DOOM is the lizard brain, the id, knowing how to murder everything around you while the ego is just barely hanging on for the ride.

DOOM gives you the tools and the means to take on everything that they put before you, and then says "Go." The cycle of killing enemies with your arsenal, using the melee takedowns to regain health, and then using the chainsaw to get ammo when you're running dry is beyond satisfying, it is... complete. It is mechanical perfection. Everything is as it is; everything is as it should be. It is combat as a dance, it is violence in motion. The music blares, it screams. The bass is your heartbeat.

Who would have thought DOOM could have a great story? That they would take one of the oldest, most generic franchises in history and turn it into something wonderful? It's the tale of a soulless corporation making the very logical decision to frack Hell so as to provide Earth with clean energy, turning their corporate infrastructure into a cult before awakening the DOOM Marine when it's far too late. The DOOM Marine is re-imagined not as some shmuck with a gun but instead a divine avenger, violence incarnate. The demons write scripture about your coming. Imps tell their kids scary stories about you. Hell announces your arrival on its infernal doorsteps with a rumbling, simple message on the dimension-wide intercom: "He's here." DOOM revolves around Hell doing ANYTHING to try to stop you, not because you can stop their plans, but because you will stop their plans. And that feels awesome.

I don't give a shit about their multiplayer, I don't care about snapmap. DOOM is the ultimate power fantasy. Play it on Ultra-Violence. Demonic presence is at unsafe levels, and we've got the double barreled shotgun needed to make things right.

[baradorable]

When it comes to decks in ARC-V, I’d say the Fusion dimension probably hit the jackpot.* So many great, versatile, interesting and powerful decks. Serena’s deck, of course, is no exception. They have a enough cards for a pure deck, and nearly all of them are good. Not many decks can say that.

This is my latest version of Lunalights. And thanks to newer releases, it definitely won’t be my last.

The name of the game is fusion. But this game has a gimmick: you climb up a ladder of Monsters to build stronger and stronger monsters. You fuse to create Cat Dancer, fuse it to make Panther Dancer, and then finally fuse it to make Leo Dancer. It’s kind of like evolving a Pokemon, and it’s a very interesting concept for a deck. Even better, the monsters get more and more powerful as you climb the ladder.**

But you’re probably thinking, “It’s that very limiting? I need to do all these steps to make Panther or Leo,” or “I’m using up so many resources to bring them out, smh.” You’d be using a lot cards to bring out Leo Dancer: 2 monsters and Poly to fuse for Cat; Poly, Cat and another Lunalight for Panther, and then Panther, 2 Lunalights and Poly to make Leo.  Assuming you’re not recycling cards somehow, you need 10 cards to pull out their best card, and several of them are specific. And you’d need to do it before your opponent tries to wreck it all.

This deck has it all covered. 

Polymerization is searchable via Black Sheep, who can discard itself to search Polymerization from the deck. You can then use cards like Luna Light Perfume or White Rabbit to revive it.

The Lunalight Pendulums aren’t really that good for Pendulum Summoning, especially since you can’t easily search both Scales. Plus special summoning your Main Deck monsters isn’t as big here as it is with Predaplants. Their Pendulum Effects, however, are the big playmakers here. 

Wolf lets you fuse by banishing material from the Field or Graveyard, which is an amazing way to quickly bring out the powerful Fusions, or even multiples of those powerful Fusions. 

Tiger can revive a Monster for the Graveyard for Fusion Summoning. This also lets you use Black Sheep’s discard effect to nab a Polymerization, and then easily revive it and use it for fusing. 

These Pendulums are great for reusing monsters, keeping up your resources, and summoning one or more of the Fusions. 

Kaleido Chick is this deck’s Elemental HERO Prisma: you send a monster from your Deck or Extra Deck to the Graveyard, and it takes their name. This is useful for Lunalight Fusions, as you can bypass the fusion requirements. I mostly like to rely on Fusion Tag though, since it also lets me pass the Predaplant name of Chimera Rafflesia, which lets me summon Rafflesia itself, or Greedy Venom Fusion Dragon.

Blue Cat’s also pretty neat: when destroyed, it can special summon another Lunalight from its deck, including itself. It’s not limited to once per turn, so you can summon two other Blue Cats in a turn to protect you. It also has an ATK-boosting effect, which facilitates OTKs or inflicting heavy damage.I recommend using this on Cat Dancer to bring its attack to 4800, then Tribute it for Cat Dancer’s multiple attack effect.

Blue Cat’s not the only Lunalight with a battle-oriented effect; you also have stuff like Purple Butterfly, which can boost a Lunalight’s attack by 1000 by being discarded. Crimson Fox, when used for a Fusion Summon, can make an opponent’s monster’s attack 0, in addition to having another effect that lets you negate an effect that targets your Lunalight monsters.

Fusion Recovery has always been a good way to recycle cards and fuse again. It’s incredibly useful here. 

Fire Formation - Tenki is a huge help for this archetype. It lets you search your deck nearly any Lunalight you need, providing you with a helpful card and some material for Fusion Summoning. It also gives all Beast-Warrior monsters 100 extra attack, which doesn’t exactly hurt the OTK strategy.

I mentioned Fusion Tag earlier, but let me explain what it can do some more. Summon a monster, use Fusion Tag to name it Cat Dancer, and fuse it with a Lunalight to make Panther Dancer. Or summon a monster, use Fusion Tag to name it Panther Dancer, and fuse it with 2 Lunalights for Leo Dancer. This makes both Panther and Leo more accessible, and saves you a ton of time and cards. It’s a fantastic card for a deck like this.

Upstart Goblin helps you to draw one of Serena’s fursonas, but the opponent gains 1000 LP. Normally this might be risky idea for OTK decks, but since this deck has such heavy output, I don’t usually mind. However, I’m going to try subbing it out for Fusion Recycling Plant. (See below for details.)

Other options for the deck:

There’s a new TCG exclusive announced today: Fusion Recycling Plant. It’s a really good Field Spell that lets you search and recycle Polymerization, and it’ll even nab you a monster from the Graveyard during your End Phase. It’s also searchable via Terraforming, which is a necessity for Field Spell-reliant decks.

Hmm, this deck has a ton of DARK monsters.

Dragostapelia is a good card to help trip up your opponent. it just needs a Fusion monster + a DARK monster; this requirement is very possible for the deck, and it’s less restrictive than Chimera Rafflesia, Greedy Venom, Leo and Panther Dancer.

And there you have it. Lunalights are a deck with a unique, fun style of play that has easy answers to deal with its inherit issues. Its offensive power is great, and it’s a great way to let your opponent know that you’re a furry.

Fun fact: YGOPro AI can’t seem to handle playing this deck most of the time. Probably because it struggles to grasp the more complex elements of the deck, and thus can’t make an effective move. But if you mastered the deck, you can blow the AI out of the water.

Monsters (20):

Lunalight Wolf x3

Lunalight Crimson Fox x3

Lunalight Blue Cat x3

Lunalight Kaleido Chick

Lunalight Tiger x3

Lunalight Purple Butterfly

Lunalight White Rabbit x3

Lunalight Blue Cat x3

Spells (16):

Fusion Recovery x3

Polymerization x3

Luna Light Perfume x2

Fusion Tag x3

Upstart Goblin

Cattle Call

Fire Formation - Tenki x3

Traps (4):

Lunalight Reincarnation Dance x2

Bottomless Trap Hole

Solemn Warming

Extra Deck:

Lunalight Leo Dancer x2

Greedy Venom Fusion Dragon x2 (I recommend replacing one with Dragostapelia)

Lunalight Panther Dancer x2

Starving Venom Fusion Dragon

Predaplant Chimera Rafflesia

Lunalight Cat Dancer x2

Number S39: Utopia the Lightning

Number 39: Utopia

Castel, the Skyblaster Musketeer

The Phantom Knights of Break Sword

Sky Cavalry Centaurea

* Of the non-Standard dimensions, Fusion got the best decks, imo. 

Synchro: Has Jack’s Red/Resonator deck. It’s a big improvement over his old Resonators, but doesn’t really deal with its issues like Lunalights, another high-offensive deck. Crow has Blackwings, but these are hit-and-hiss as always. Goyo was fleshed out as a series, but not as an archetype.

Xyz: Phantom Knights, Lyrical Luscinia and Raidraptors, real good. And then you have shit like Kaito’s Ciphers. The issue with Ciphers is that they work with Galaxy cards, but not with the Photons they’re meant to replace. This wouldn’t be too much of an issue if Galaxy’s worked well with the Ciphers. And right now, there aren’t enough Ciphers to actually replace the Photon cards. While Ciphers have a great idea to them, Galaxy-Photon is a much better deck. But at least their RUM and ED monsters are good. And also, lol no R4NK Trains for Allen, no “Fairy” archetype for Sayaka, but we’re not missing anything particularly special.

Fusion: Ancient Gears, Predaplants, Fluffals/Frightfurs, Lunalights, Performage (before half the deck was banned) Amazoness (the Fusions and new cards weren’t printed, but they were still great regardless.)

** This really isn’t relevant to anything here, but I thought I’d mention it for fun. This Fusion climbing is somewhat reminiscent of many Synchro decks: you’ll Synchro summon a monster, then use it as material to summon another Synchro with a higher level. You might need to do this because the first Synchro can recycle your Tuner and let you Synchro again, or you have the total levels needed to summon something, but you have 2 Tuners. 

I’m shit at explaining, so take a good visual example. In one episode of 5Ds, where Yusei tunes Speed Warrior with Junk Synchron to Synchro Summon Junk Warrior, then tunes Junk Warrior with Nitro Synchron to Synchro Summon Nitro Warrior.

As I said, this isn’t relevant to anything. I just think it’s neat how this Fusion deck features a common Synchro deck element.

[russellthornton]

How to Lick Pussy: 14 Flicks & Moves to Make Her Squirm for More

Many men think they can lick a pussy, but there’s a difference between thinking you can do it and actually knowing how to lick pussy.

So many women have encountered a guy that says he’s the best pussy eater but when it comes down to it, it’s a nightmare. Jackhammering our pussies with your tongue isn’t going to do the job. I know she’s probably moaning away, but trust me, it’s not hard to fake. You want to be able to actually know how to lick pussy well, not just claim that you can do it.

How to lick pussy

As a woman, I’m here to help you get back on the pussy licking road to enlightenment. You need to know how to do it and how to do it well.

It’s going to take practice and some hard work, but trust me, once you really know how to lick pussy and find the groove, you’ll become the pussy eating master. Isn’t that what you wanted? Why else would you be reading this? So, let’s get started.

#1 Do you enjoy doing it? There’s a huge difference between a guy who likes doing it and one who feels like he has to do it. Don’t be the latter. Guys who eat pussy well are guys who actually love pleasuring their partners. If you’re not ecstatic about eating pussy, well, you don’t have to do it. No one wants someone who’s going to do a half-ass job. [Read: 16 moves to drive her wild]

#2 Listen to your partner. It’s the best way to see if you’re doing it right. You can tell when someone is inauthentic when it comes to them enjoying getting their pussy eaten out. If they’re wildly screaming, there’s a good chance they’re faking it.

If they’re silent, you’re probably not hitting the spot. But this is when you switch it up and try something new or ask them where to go. They’ll let you know what spot to hit. [Read: 10 sexy ways to please the clitoris]

#3 Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. The problem with sex today is people put so much pressure on themselves to pleasure their partners. If you’re enjoying the sexual experience with your partner, the odds are, they are as well. If you’re stressed out about going down on your partner, take a deep breath. Eating pussy isn’t going to win you an Olympic medal. It’s sex, it’s supposed to be fun and light.

#4 You don’t only have to use your tongue. Yes, the tongue is a major player in licking pussy, obviously, but you can use your fingers as well. Don’t think that you’re limited to just your tongue.

Some women take longer to climax than others, so if you just use your tongue, you’re going to be exhausted. You can finger her at the same time you eat her out or if you want to take a break, finger her while making out with her. Switch it up, she may even prefer being fingered and licked at the same time, you just need to find the combination that works for her.  [Read: 10 fingering techniques to make her orgasm]

#5 Don’t forget about the anus. Anal play isn’t taboo anymore. In fact, more and more people are openly talking about anal play and how enjoyable it is. If you’re new to the world of anal play, relax. No, it’s not dirty, just make sure you and your partner are clean before sex—suggest a sensual shower together.

If you’re fingering or going down on her, lubricate your finger with either lube or spit and gently rub it around her anus. You’ll feel it relax when this happens, you can slowly insert a finger into her anus and hold it there. Then, slowly move it in and out—it feels amazing. [Read: She likes anal? 15 ways to impress a girl who likes backdoor fun]

#6 Not every woman is the same. You may think that the way you eat pussy is the best way and it may be for one woman, but for another, it doesn’t do anything for her. You can’t have tunnel vision when it comes to licking pussy. You need to understand that every vagina is unique, so don’t be surprised if you switch up your method.

#7 Don’t jump right away to the clit. This is what guys always do, and it’s wrong. Don’t just start digging away at the clit. You need to warm it up and since the clit doesn’t lubricate itself, you should be focusing on making that pussy wet. Start with slow, broad licks and then build up the tension, making your way closer and closer to the clit.

#8 Build the tension. Women need time to get turned on. The vagina is like an oven. Yes, we may be turned on, but we need some time to warm up. So, when it comes to knowing how to lick pussy the right way, really take your time and don’t rush eating it. Enjoy the moment, enjoy making her squirm and moan while you’re down there, and build the tension up so that all she wants is for you to fuck her.

#9 Don’t forget the good ole labia. Don’t forget the labia, aka. the vaginal lips. Many guys just bypass them all together, but we love it when you pay attention to them as well. Do firm, slow, fat licks up and down the labia to help stimulate the vagina. Start from the bottom of her vagina and lick all the way up to the clit. But don’t do any pointy tongue licking yet. [Read: Massaging your partner to orgasm]

#10 Make sure to suck. Now, you can lick, and licking is great, so do that. But, don’t forget to suck. Suck on her clit and lips—now don’t be a vacuum and try to rip them off of her, but suck on them. Switch it up from licking to sucking, find your own groove.

#11 Really get your face in there. Listen, if you really don’t like doing it, then don’t do it. Women want a guy who’s really going to get in there and eat their pussy like it’s lunch. When we see a man passionate about licking us, that’s what turns us on.

It’s the same thing when a woman is giving you a blowjob. The ones that really love sucking your dick, those are your best experiences.

#12 Let her sit on your face. Oh God, do we love this position. You can eat pussy while she’s on her back or when she’s on all fours, but the best way to get right in there is if she sits on your face. She’s in a squatting position, so her vagina is more open and ready to take on a licking. [Read: Why a girl says no to face sitting though she loves it]

#13 Mix up the positions. If she’s into anal play, eat her out while she’s on all fours or when she’s laying on her stomach. You’ll be able to eat out her ass while fingering her or vice versa.

You can bend her over the sofa, eat her out while she’s standing, or lick her while she’s sitting in a chair. There’s really no bad position when it comes to licking pussy. [Read: The yummy checklist to eating booty like a boss]

#14 Mix up the licking. This may sound confusing, but you’ll get what I mean in a second. You can do fat licks when your tongue is completely flat or you can do short licks with just the tip of your tongue.

Both are amazing, especially when you mix it up. Don’t just stick to one type of licking. You can do broad licks and then suddenly lick her clit quickly with the tip of your tongue.

[Read: 18 pussy eating moves between her legs that will blow her mind]

Now that you know how to lick pussy, it’s time to practice. Make sure that your partner gives you their opinion on what you’re doing right and wrong. That way, you improve your pussy licking skills.

The post How to Lick Pussy: 14 Flicks & Moves to Make Her Squirm for More is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[soupy136-blog]

Hile apk Demystified: Points, Tactics, And Helpful tips

Games offers a calming solution to loosen up or a way to go out with friends and relations. Mod Apk can be used for nearly anything, even weight-loss. This information will allow you to gain your objectives.

Buy used Hack apk. 

Gaming systems is often definitely high-priced, quite often over 50 dollars. Expending a small fortune with a activity you might not enjoy a good deal is actually a squander. You can find utilized activities within a 25 to one half low cost in the list price.

In order to reload your weapon in a very shooter Hile apk, get handle to begin with. Game players will usually manage to get their character murdered by position all around and reloading in an quite unsafe spot. Don't you be one of these! Usually reload your weapon out of the opponents internet sites.

A great deal of Web-based activities only make it possible for individuals to generate Hack Android gains bit by bit, but let them have the ability to pay for actual money to succeed sooner. It is best to never ever overspend on frivolous stuff. A number of income buying don't do a lot that may help you gain this game. Bought merchandise is an easy method of getting to ranges that can consider substantial quantities of time usually.

In advance of helping any "M" rated Hack Android in the house, select how previous little ones will be just before they have fun with them. Though consoles do permit you to influence individual content places, pcs tend not to. You need to very carefully watch your young ones right after they perform Hack Android.

You really should take into account having the kids play Hile apk on the control console rather then for a Computer. Unit games provides a lot more solitude management, security and safety and material configurations and are usually tougher to get bypassed than on computer units. You children are additional protected for a system focused on gaming.

Don't toss out Hack apk which might be dated or ageing. 

Buy and sell or sell these video Hack Android in secondly-palm retailers. You are able to position the funds that you receive from trading within an classic game to the money necessary for shopping for a new Hack Android.

Ensure your sons or daughters are safe when actively playing Hack Android. It's your work to check out who they have fun with up against. It is really progressively more usual for predatory parents to make use of Mod Apk as a method of going through kids. It is perfectly up to one to give protection to children and limit their playmates to those you both know.

Marked down Hack apk can be a terrific importance, but it's necessary to review the Metacritic rank with the Hack Android. Specific Mod Apk take deal as they are horrible. Getting a sport you under no circumstances play is not helping you save cash. The Metacritic rating lets you for top level value for your money.

Once you have children who perform games, you really need to ensure that the Hack apk they play the game are age proper. In advance of they dive into any xbox game, search for the container with the device to determine if the sport is suitable to your kid. Abuse is commonplace in several Hack apk, so endeavor to keep away from this.

Set up limitations concerning the amount of time your child is able to enjoy Hack Android. 

Try not to have your son or daughter participate in Mod Apk for more than 2 hours each and every day, this kind of could cause stress on your eye area and become their main concerns through structure.

When contemplating investing in a brand new match, you ought to reserve the game up-front in place of awaiting it to be formally presented. In case you pre-sequence a game right before put out, you can often get special add-ons utilizing your order. These signup bonuses could help you outside in the sport with such things as exclusive benefits and funky costumes. It is possible to only acquire them by buying prior to the introduction night out.

Consider all Hack Android that can be purchased to find out what kind you like probably the most. A great deal of people control them selves to merely on sort of gameplay rather than check out just about anything different. Testing out diverse games assists you to maximize your experience of enjoying.

Take a look at online auction web sites on your new activities. These public sale sites will in all probability provide a far better deal if you believe charges are far too full of the shops. Simply just browse the Internet for top deals on gaming systems. Then you simply need to continue bidding and soon you succeed in!

You ought to have other interests besides just trying to play Mod Apk. 

Trying to play gaming systems for big amount of time is often tremendously detrimental. You ought to be positive you do other activities also. Also, you should attempt to not end up hooked on the activities, playing only 1-two hours each day is an effective control.

Don't cheat on competency video Hack Android. Applying cheat requirements on these kinds of Mod Apk only cheapens them, causing them to be not worthwhile participating in. Cheat regulations as well as other tactics may help you substantially with physical activities-linked Hile apk and boost your Mod Apk have fun playing without having destroying the ability.

[numanumayaay-blog]

Royal Revolt 2 mod apk Demystified: Tips, Hints, And Helpful tips

Royal Revolt 2 hack pc can provide a soothing option to relax or methods to spend more time with friends and relations. Games can be used as something, even weightloss. This content can assist you acquire your aims.

Buy utilised games. Royal Revolt 2 hack pc is often seriously expensive, quite often above 50 dollars. Having to pay a small fortune on your match you might not have fun with lots is actually a waste material. You will find utilised Royal Revolt 2 mod apk for a 25 to one half low cost with the retail price.

If you wish to reload your weapon with a shooter Royal Revolt 2 mod apk, get take care of first. Game enthusiasts will in most cases receive their figure wiped out by positioned all over and reloading within an unsafe spot. Don't you be one of them! Consistently reload your tool out of your foes internet sites.

Plenty of Online activities only help athletes to get game rewards slowly but surely, but let them have the ability to pay actual money to succeed sooner. It is best to never spend too much on frivolous products. Many cash money transactions don't really do so much to guide you earn the Royal Revolt 2 online hack. Procured products are a rapid way of getting to levels that can acquire massive amount of time in any other case.

Before allowing for any "M" graded gaming applications in your home, select how previous youngsters might be before they play them. Even though consoles do let you influence mature information configurations, computer systems never. You need to cautiously monitor your sons or daughters every time they have fun with games.

You should consider letting your sons or daughters have fun playing Royal Revolt 2 online hack for a console instead of with a Personal computer. Gaming console game playing will give you a lot more personal privacy influence, security and safety and material places and are generally more difficult to remain bypassed than on computer systems. You kids are more guarded on your control console specialized in video gaming.

Don't throw out video gaming that are out dated or older. Buy and sell or provide these gaming applications in minute-hands suppliers. It is possible to place the funds that you get from dealing with an outdated gaming in the direction of the price tag on getting a new game.

Ensure children are safe when taking part in Royal Revolt 2 mod apk. It's your task to look at who they engage in against. It is actually significantly widespread for predatory parents to make use of Royal Revolt 2 hack pc being a technique for experiencing kids. It is up to you to defend your young ones and restrict their playmates to those people you both know.

Cheaper Royal Revolt 2 unlimited gems can be quite a good importance, but it's imperative that you look at the Metacritic report for the adventure. Particular Royal Revolt 2 hack pc are saved to purchase as they are lousy. Getting a adventure you never have fun playing is not really helping you save money. The Metacritic ranking permits you to get the best value for your money.

Once you have young people who enjoy Royal Revolt 2 hack pc, it is advisable to be sure that the video gaming they play are age right. Previously they leap into any Royal Revolt 2 online hack, appear in the container for the products to see if the Royal Revolt 2 online hack is appropriate with regards to your little one. Violence is widespread in several games, so attempt to stay away from this.

Placed limits about how long your little one is capable to play the game Royal Revolt 2 unlimited gems. 

Try not to have your little one have fun with video gaming for more than 2 hours every day, this kind of may cause strain on the eyes and acquire their main concerns outside of get.

With regards to acquiring a different game, you must arrange the sport upfront rather then waiting for so that it is officially revealed. If you pre-get a Royal Revolt 2 Hack Tool ahead of relieve, you can often get exceptional bonuses with all your get. These additional bonuses will allow you to outside in this game with things such as exceptional functions and cool apparel. You possibly can only purchase them by purchasing ahead of the introduction time.

Consider all Royal Revolt 2 online hack out there to check out what kind that suits you probably the most. Many athletes minimize on their own to only on form of adventure and never try out whatever diverse. Testing out several Royal Revolt 2 mod apk helps you get the maximum experience within trying to play.

Check out online auction online websites to your new Royal Revolt 2 hack pc. 

These auctions online websites will in all probability provide you a greater offer if you think charges are so full of the shops. Simply just search the online market place to find the best promotions on Royal Revolt 2 unlimited gems. Then you need to simply go on bidding and soon you succeed in!

You should have other hobbies besides just actively playing Royal Revolt 2 hack pc. Trying to play Royal Revolt 2 mod apk for big sums of time is often remarkably poor. You need to be sure you do other stuff as well. Also, you should try not to grow to be addicted to the Royal Revolt 2 online hack, playing only 1-2 hours on a daily basis is a great control.

Don't cheat on proficiency games. Working with cheat requirements on these types of activities only cheapens them, making them not worthwhile having fun with. Cheat rules as well as other techniques will assist you to substantially with activities-associated Royal Revolt 2 online hack and improve your sport engage in without the need of destroying the experience.

Paying out the day having fun with a popular activity is profitable and pleasurable. With a little luck you have got realized significantly about getting good out from your Royal Revolt 2 mod apk value-wise and various factors besides just having a great time.

[zippdementia]

Part 16 Alignment May Vary: The Drowned Tower

Welcome to the continuing adventures of the Tomb of Haggemoth, a DnD 3.5 adventure converted to 5th edition, and with some extra material thrown in that’s meant to build up to a second campaign, the well known Red Hand of Doom.

The first night that the group spends with former soldiers Xavier, Biggs, Fritz, and Samuel is rife with difficulty. Abenthy tends to those wounded in the shipwreck in a harrowing fifteen minutes of roleplaying, during which he tries to keep one man from losing a leg while another screams in agony from a fever that won’t abate. The remaining crew, pushed to their limits, debate killing the screaming man to end his suffering, while Abenthy tries to buy more time. Eventually his healing powers prevail and he collapses into an exhausted rest. In the end, only one life is lost of those who escaped the ship: Igor, the man who was native to Friezorazov and who had become a drunk in Ottoman’s Dock after being run out of his native land. Igor took an injury to the head while escaping and dies as they reach the island. Karinna keeps an amulet he had around his neck, sensing it was magical, not knowing it was something he had stolen from the giant’s tribute, all those years ago.

The day after brings more confrontation: Clem wants to set to building a raft so they can all leave the island as soon as possible. Others believe they can stay on this island and survive until they can craft a more seaworthy vessel. Still others ask why they are considering leaving at all, as the island seems to have enough food and water to provide for a small village. The group is split on what to do, though they all agree they must get back to their quest as soon as possible. Zennatos will succumb to the curse at some point, after all.

They do not solve the problem right now. Instead, the three companions go hunting (a clear need is food, so why not focus on that?), and on the trip they come to a bluff overlooking the sea. Here they spot a familiar ship sailing into a cave far beneath them, a ship with a Red Hand painted on its sails. Then a branch snaps behind them: three Ratzotto pirates—identifiable by their grungy appearance, their tell-tale curved cutlasses, and the tattoos on their necks—emerge from the woods and attack!

It’s fun, as a player, to take on the same enemies at different times, as a measure of your own growth in ability. The last time they fought these pirates, they won, but not without taking some massive hits. It was a long, drawn out fight. This time, they wipe the floor with them. One they even capture, and after tying him up, Abenthy casts Zone of Truth on him....

Abenthy knelt next to the large man and cuffed him the rest of the way awake. “Tell me,” he ordered. “Tell me what you were doing here.”

The man smiled and responded, “We are here because HE has found someone he wants to put through the ritual, the ritual in the tower. He says the girl is perfect for the ritual, that she has powers like him.” The pirate’s eyes went wide and his mouth drooped in an “O” of shock as the words that came out of his mouth were not the lies he had planned, but rather the bald truth.

“Show us where,” Abenthy growled. “Show us where and you can have your life.”

“Yes! Untie me and I will stab you in the back first chance I get!” The man shook his head in confusion as the truth was forced out of him by the spell. “I want you to go fuck yourselves!” he added.

The sentiment was, after all, also the truth.

Eventually the party disposes of their prisoner and find on his body a scrawled message in runic. Karinna uses her Comprehend Languages spell and reads a curious doublet:

These phrases will get you through the traps. Commit the words to memory, destroy this message.

The Tide Rises.

Embrace the Cold Sea!

The note is signed at the bottom: TARGARYEN.

Dungeon Analysis: The Drowned Tower

By nightfall, the group has traced the footsteps of the pirates back to their tower. It is a ruined, sunken thing with only its top still visible above ground:

Within the dense swamp, hundreds of feet of thick mud splits apart revealing the stone roof and battlements of the Drowned Tower. Half of the roof is still covered in mud. A deep pit likely once held fires that could be seen far out over the coral sea. A broken staircase leads down into the buried tower while part of the stone roof has broken away revealing rotted wooden support beams and shadows of the room below.

This tower is taken with little change from an adventurer’s league dungeon, from the Elemental Evil season. I wanted a short dungeon, something water themed, to tie in with the pirates. This dungeon comes with a fun end boss that suggested a good fate for Targaryen, filling in for me the gap of what had happened to him since his “death” aboard the Red Hand of Doom ship many sessions ago. The hook I replaced with “rescue Jade (Targaryen’s sister) from whatever Targaryen is planning (the players rightly assume Jade is the “girl” the pirate referred to). The dungeon actually ended up taking two sessions to get through, so I won’t go through each and every moment. I will touch on some of the major events, though, and finish next time with the boss fight.

The basic premise of the tower is that it is buried in mud and still slowly sinking. With the increased activity at the tower, the speed of its sinking has increased so that the players are made to feel like it could collapse in on itself at any moment. There’s no real mechanic to govern this, but it does create a cool atmosphere.

Of course, the writing on the Adventurer’s League modules is always rushed and so there are confusions here about how some of the dungeon works. One of the more egregious examples are the glyphs protecting two of the rooms, bypassable by saying the passwords above. One is hidden under water, without a very good indication of how a player is supposed to detect it without making a random, cautionairy perception check. The other is protecting a door which I can’t tell if it is open or not. The read-aloud text says it is open... but the room description says it is closed. I just picked closed because otherwise the glyph trap is pointless.

Otherwise, I like it because it has really well self-contained encounters, several of which operate more like traps than combat experiences. If not handled intelligently/cleverly, these encounters can lead to a total party kill pretty quickly. I like this, because it breaks the mold of “walk into room, fight enemies, roll dice until one side is dead.” Having enemies much more powerful than the players can face but which have their own restrictions on attacking and moving makes things more exciting.

The more normal encounters are against a combination of reavers (fishmen pirates) and fathomers (fishmen pirates who can turn into water serpents), both enemies from the elemental evil campaign. It makes for a cool thematic touch to our campaign, as in our story the Ratzotto pirates were comandeered by the demon pirate Testain Reeves after the events of the Moon Sea from which only Karrina escaped. Tagaryen still had possession of the Jade Statue when Reeves claimed his soul, and the combination of dark powers has been transforming the pirates into monstrous versions of themselves, and Targaryen, as the players will discover, is no exception...

The Black Pudding

What is possibly the Tower’s hardest challenge is probably never seen by most parties. In what seems an odd design choice, there is a door guarded (see above) by a glyph, but which is also CLEARLY not the way to go forward. The reward for going through the door is the possibility of finding some treasure (monetary, not magical) and to fight these guys.

That looks painful. This is one of those rooms which operates like a trap. Once discovered, the Black Oozes will follow the party around, trying to trap them in a room or force them to blunder into another trap. They are not to be trifled with, either. Black Ooze hits like a truck, with acidic weapon and armor destroying damage that makes the party less effective at surviving the next hit and dealing out damage of their own. And being unintelligent Oozes, it is not inconcievable that they will sit on an unconcious player’s face, forcing critical failures on their death saves until the player dissolves into a spongy mass of bone and muscle.

Our group encounters them when they flee other terrors in the tower and go looking for healing items and powerful weapons to help them get further. They find an old library and begin to poke around, disturbing the current denizens of the room. Tywin at this point is level 5, and that means he gets a potential of five attacks each turn: an extra attack each time he uses the attack action, a bonus action with his off hand, and if he uses one of his abilities, an addition attack action (and subsequent attack). And in DnD 5e there is no such thing as full round action, meaning he can move in between any and all of these attacks. His strategy, then, has been to take point, moving to the nearest enemy and cleaving them, then moving on if he takes them down and has movement left. If his first attack doesn’t take them down, he plants his feet and goes at them until they drop.

And that is the absolute worst strategy to use against a Black Ooze. But of course, Tywin doesn’t know that. So he rushes in, slashing, and immediately splits the Ooze into multiple Oozes. He realizes his error and pulls back... but he underestimates how fast the Oozes can move (he pulls back 15 feet, and they can move 20). They are on him in seconds, pulling him down into their acidic depths, enveloping him in a corrosive slime that quickly sends him into unconsciousness. Worse, he pulled back to the doorway, meaning that the Oozes are now blocking the way out for Karrina and Abenthy.

Karrina, though, is slippery as heck. She disengages and darts past the Oozes, dragging Twyin’s body with her, force feeding him a potion, and then escaping with him even as the Ooze latches onto his legs, burning him so badly he falls again unconscious. 

This leaves Abenthy trapped in the ruined library with four or five split Oozes. Thinking fast, he climbs a nearby bookshelf, then starts bashing a hole in the decrepit roof. Just as the Ooze is beginning to climb the shelf, he bursts through into the light of dusk and escapes the tower.

The encounter forces them to take a long rest. During the middle of the night, Abenthy (on guard) sees a bright light erupt from the tower and then quickly fade. It leaves him feeling concerned for the fate of Jade, but there is nothing to do except let Tywin’s wounds heal and then tackle the tower again in the morning.

The next day, they come up with an intriguing solution to the Ooze (which has coalesced and is filling the lower hallways, blocking the way back into the depths of the tower). They find a room filled with zombies (incidentally, Karrina recognizes them as islanders from back in her adventures in the Moon Sea, taken prisoner aboard the Red Hand ship), and Abenthy shepherds them into the Ooze using his Turn Undead ability. While it is busy gorging itself, the party slips past without incident, though the tower is looking the worse for wear today:

Perhaps it is magic that held this tower up so long, magic now finally fading, or perhaps it is simply that time has caught up with the tower, or maybe whatever ritual Targaryen planned here upset the delicate balance of the tower—in any case, today as you walk the ruined halls, the smell of damp earth is more pungent and around you echoes the slight sound of trickling mud and shifting earth. Every so often, a thin stream of mud falls from the ceiling as the tower settles even deeper into the earth. You can almost feel the weight of hundreds of tons of rock and dirt pressing around you, like a great hand gripping your chest. The tower does not have much longer to stand. Soon its stone shall return to the stone of the earth and anyone left in here when that happens will be buried forever.

Splash

One of the more interesting encounters comes from a room where two Reavers are walking around carrying giant flasks that look to be glowing slightly and filled with liquid. The party is quick to snipe them as soon as they enter the room, Karrina scoring a critical on one of the pirates and killing him instantly while Abenthy is locked in mortal combat with him. His flask drops and...

The flask falls to the ground with a crash, shattering on impact. The liquid inside sprays out in an oddly contained manner, as if it is a single pool of water spreading through the air, rather than many droplets scattering everywhere. The pool settles on top of Abenthy like a blanket, the stone and mud floor suddenly sinking underneath him with a slurping sound. Abenthy tries to cry out, but his mouth fills with liquid and he cannot breathe! 

The other reaver, seeing this, curses and throws his own flask into a well of water in the middle of the room. He chuckles evilly as the well begins to bubble and ripple, and turns to run. Out of the pool comes hands, many hands, and they reach quickly across the room to grab Twyin, pulling him closer to the water’s edge..

These are Water Weirds, and they are an unusual enemy. Very powerful at this level—with powerful attacks and the ability (and intention) to drown players whom they manage to get a hold of—they are limited by their confinement to water. This means that in this room they make a trap. They have a fifteen foot reach, meaning their attacks of opportunity are pretty vicious. 

Tywin and Abenthy barely manage to break free and flee the room with Karrina, slamming the door behind them. They can hear the cries of the remaining Reaver through the door until they are abruptly cut off. Without anyone else to attack, the weirds turned on their captor.

This is the fight that convinces them to go looking for treasure upstairs, leading to the disastrous encounter with the Ooze. The next day, the players return and this time they use a clever combination of disengaging, dashing, and dodging to tactically move their way across the room. Even so, Twyin trips just before the stairs leading down and out of the room and is grabbed again. Only a mighty strength roll lets him burst free and escape with the others. It is a close call, and Tywin wonders how many lives he has left to spend as he descends into the darkened final floor of the tower.

Next time, Old Debts.