#thoughts and such

[mexicanegbert]

some vague early earth c nonsense. i just wanted to write a siblings feeling chat and then i was inspired to draw some visuals for it. thanks for reading :P

[feelin-frazzled]

Bold of you to assume I can tell apart gender envy, romantic, sexual, aesthetic, and platonic attraction

[emittthehuman]

Thinking about the way Gwen, how she is just a kid like Miles.

Her only father and family member she had left pointed a gun right at her, actively chose his job over his own daughter after she revealed she was spider woman.

Gwen was distraught, her whole world was collapsing. And then two spider people, people like HER, showed up. Adults who seemed like they understood what she was going through, offered her an escape from her problems. To abandon Gwen Stacy, to hide behind the mask where pain can’t get to her.

So she goes with them.

But things aren’t what they seem. The adults are falling apart here too, Miguel blows up at every small inconvenience. He���s extremely hard on Gwen- of course he would be. He can’t get attached to another little kid, not after what happened last time.

And Jessica Drew? A bit more lenient, maybe like the mom she never knew. But she’s not her mom. She pushed for her to be there, but she won’t protect her either.

Gwen learns her father will die.

She learns that Miles was an anomaly, too dangerous to interact with. She’s not even allowed to see him.

She falls on others, Hobie and Pavitr are good people who care about her well being.

But she just misses Miles. He understood her, what they’ve lost.

And when a mission comes up from his universe? Of course she snatches up the chance to see him again without angering the only parental figures she has now.

She tried to protect him in the only way that seemed to work, hiding the truth.

But he’s so much more hopeful than she is. He is kind, he’s strong and he knows what it means to be spider man, in spite of everything.

And she has to watch him learn the truth, watch the new parental figures quickly turn against them both.

People who Gwen thought understood, send her back to her own universe by force.

Gwen is 16.

Imagine being a 16 year old girl, going though all of this.

Miles literally makes earthquakes in her life, changes entire trajectories just by existing. He saves her dad, just by proxy.

God. It is so painful to look at these kids. These poor, sweet kids.

[themonsterthing]

Being disabled or chronically ill means being terrified of your bad days.

No, really. Terrified.

It is genuine terror when you forget something important. It is true fear when you miss a step and fall. It is horror when you realize you never texted your friend back about something exciting. Because, a bad day for an able-bodied person is just a bad day. For the disabled, it’s: “am I having a flare? Is my illness getting worse? Who knows where I am if I hurt myself and need help? Is this it? Is the life I’ve been trying to build over? Should I see another (fucking useless) doctor? Have I documented my symptoms enough that they’ll care?”

Because for us, it’s that little. A mysterious bruise, forgetting to send an email - it could be just a bad day. Or it could be a recurrence of our worst symptoms , signs our health is deteriorating: because at the end of the day, we have no real control over our health, hard as we try. We can do everything right, and it will still not be enough.

You don’t get to have bad days, as a disabled person.

[squabbykitten]

What I have to draw now: logos and visual identity stuff

What I wish I was drawing: beautiful fat furries

Life is hard sometimes.... 😔

[ksbbb]

Bundled Up with You

“It’s freezing.” Theo shivers, pulling his jacket tighter around himself as he waits for Liam to come inside from making a last ditch effort to dig the car out of the driveway.

“Don’t even say it.” Liam says, his face still disappointed and his voice void of enthusiasm.

Theo did explain taking his truck would probably be the better option, but Liam really wanted to drive this year and going to his grandparents in Colorado was the most important part of his plan for the holidays.

He didn’t plan for a snowstorm on the way down. Theo wanted to fly but Liam wanted the experiences of having a road trip and now they’re not going anywhere.

Theo isn’t a holiday person and he doesn’t mind, but Liam’s entire family was going to be there and now Liam’s mood is ruined.

“We can leave once it melts. Even if we made it out of this place the roads won’t be plowed in time.” Theo points out, closing the door behind Liam and checking the thermostat to ensure it’s high enough.

“I know that but I had a plan.” Liam comments, sighing heavily and sitting down on the couch.

“I already messaged the owner so we can stay a few more days. It will be fine. Your family will understand.” Theo reassures him, smiling at Liam’s devastated face, and trying to remain positive.

Liam’s always been the holiday person and any time something happens or changes are made, it’s never something he takes lightly.

Theo loves that about him and he’s disappointed for Liam.

“Yeah, but that’s…it’s all ruined.” Liam huffs, snatching another piece of bacon from off his plate.

“I’m sure it’s not ruined. I’m here.” Theo teases, with a slight hint of sarcasm in his tone.

“That’s the thing. You’re a grinch at christmas but I know why. I really wanted to give you the gift I had planned.” Liam shakes his head, a smile on his face, as he looks far away in thought.

“My gift? We said no presents this year.” Theo reminds him, while Liam darts his head away to prevent Theo from looking him directly in the eye.

“Yeah, well you missed out on a lot of gifts throughout the years. Sorry, I decided to ignore that request.” Liam smiles apologetically, worry taking over his face while he waits for Theo’s response.

“You do this every year. Every year you try to make some extravagant holiday happen and it’s okay if it’s not.” He says, sitting down next to Liam and smiling.

“Yeah, but I only want it extravagant for you. Because you’re my favorite person.” Liam shrugs.

“You’re also the most annoying person.” Liam teases, smiling and laughing as Theo rolls his eyes at him.

“When I was with the dread doctors and under their guidance I didn’t do holidays. They would come and go and I wouldn’t really bat an eye at it because it didn’t matter. I didn’t have anyone that I spent the holidays with. The holidays were just another day. A reminder of what I didn’t have.” Theo explains, and the sadness that reaches Liam’s face is heartbreaking, even if it’s for Theo’s sake.

He never wants to make Liam feel bad or upset, and he’s not done with his story. There’s a point that he’s trying to make and Liam has to understand.

“I didn’t like holidays because it wasn’t important to me. I didn’t have anything important to me to make them special.” Theo says, his heart clenching as Liam becomes more distraught at his story.

“I know and I’m sorry. We should have flown.” Liam bitterly scoffs, his voice angry and his fists clenched, while he narrows his eyes.

“You’re missing the point. My holidays were nothing special because they didn’t have anyone or anything that made me want to care about them. Now I do.” Theo smiles, and the way Liam smiles at him, is enough to make Theo lighthearted and happy to be snowed in.

Theo’s never been a fan of simple things or holidays that are only a reminder of what he didn’t have, but the past few years he’s become more open to having traditions.

Something as simple as snow and being hauled up in a warm blanket with the person he can’t get out of his head, is more special to Theo than any gift he could receive. Whether it’s from Liam or not.

His heart grew bigger that day and a blue eyed werewolf is the reason.

@theoraekenapperciation

[franktheslutiero]

hate when people look down on u for maintaining ur childlike wonder like sorry u have no whimsy but if i don’t meet my daily silly quota i’ll kill myself so

[tangor-andrena]

Sometimes, I think people forget we can just do shit.

Of course there are hundreds of political or societal limitations, but in my opinion we should all go have a frolick in some grass and climb trees and make silly art and stop holding to the crumbling pillar of false hubris society says we should have

[ara270904]

My cousin and I were talking yesterday I think and she said something about a super crack ship, Daring x Tiny and I was like "WTF with you? You're trying to kill Daring?" because I really don't think that could work and then when we were watching a bit of Epic Winter (we don't like it very much but it is what it is) and she said something like Beast Daring is bigger so he could be with Tiny and I was like "???".

Yeah, we're in our EAH phase again and we like to talk about it like how my cousin like saying that Daring's Latin Spanish dub voice sounds like gay, or when we were putting up the Christmas tree and she said "Daring" when she introduced the last part of the three parts of the tree.

We also talked about how unfair it is that Chase Redford only appeared in Way to Wonderland, and that she says that Chase is her husband, but she also likes Dexter Charming obviously, also that every time Darling comes out or we talk about her my cousin says "your wife" or I say "my wife" or "Charming's sister" or D. Charming and then saying "which of all?"

Because after Dexter wrote a poem to Raven signed D. Charming we didn't let it go and we joked saying "D. Charming" and then "which one?"

Nobody knows me, or I hope so, so it's so silly to talk about the silly things I talk about with my cousin.

Yeah

[beauty-grace-outer-space]

Just some words/thoughts/update/more information re: recent freak out and subsequent unending nonsense for anyone who is interested.

I have been dealing with a medical-ish thing recently that's really tripped me out. I am completely fine. Everything is completely fine. There is nothing dangerous or harmful or even concerning happening, just a normal happenstance fluke thing.

However, I don't do well with uncertainty and I very much struggle with the self-perceived notion that something is "wrong" in/with my body, see: dentist freak out from February. I just really struggle a lot with it.

On Friday I saw a doctor and had a bad panic attack and then a minor in office procedure done. Once again, no big deal; the procedure was not necessary and was entirely voluntary for my peace of mind. But I wound up exhausted and in a decent amount of pain and overwhelmed. I think it was just a breaking point.

I hit a stress overload and just got very sad and tired. I spent 3-4 days just kind of wondering what to do, panicking, and not a whole lot else. When I get that anxious I don't function well, and that set off some negative brain stuff.

So I decided to make an appointment with my therapist and a psychiatrist, both of whom recommended (not for the first time) a daily antidepressant.

This is something I also really struggle with. I have nothing against medication and I think it can be an incredible tool that really helps people, but I am simply not able to rationalize it for myself. I have been asking for a supply of something situational for when I truly can't calm down for years and keep getting told no. I genuinely believe that would help just to have the security blanket of "if I get too anxious I have something", but doctors are very reluctant to issue medication that way, it seems, and would rather prescribe something daily instead.

All of that being said, the breaking point went a little too hard and now I am just tired and embarrassed but ok. I'm feeling 1000x more stable and pretty much back to baseline, just horrified with myself for the last ~week.

So formal apology for freaking out. I appreciate all of your patience and kindness.

[sqvar3w4ve]

i like to imagine that instead of link getting his arm back, his arm by the end of the game is still gone but purah essentially builds link a prosthetic out of sheikah tech that she still had left over

[mexicanegbert]

i think perhaps egbert's ultimate form could be The Breeze

[feelin-frazzled]

wish you could suck your boobs in like you can suck your stomach in

[bungerisscary]

I love horror media especially found footage, args, or fucked up let’s play of games that don’t exist. Like Crow64? Delicious! Please I beg give me more.

By creating a unique yet familiar piece of horror media without tying it to pre-existing IP, it feels more affective than the typical video game horror. Valle Verede is a good example of this. It has a familiar feeling of an old school game, with something like animal crossing. But has its own unique spin.

It feels more scary when it’s not connected to an IP like Mario or sonic. It allows for more creativity, suspense of disbelief. As well it makes it harder to laugh at? Not to be little or mock these projects but seeing child friendly characters like Mario attempt to kill someone is more- comedic at times? It can be done right. But still there’s a comedic aspect to it

Anyway to my point does anyone have any good recs for series like Valle verde or Crow64? I’d love to find some more

[themonsterthing]

I Like Being Different

Originally published on Medium:

This morning, I got pancakes with a friend and insisted before that we learn how to load her power chair into my car so I could take her myself. In case of an emergency, I wanted to know how to do it myself, so that I could be there for her. Over many delicious pancakes and much coffee, she shared that she was really impressed with her new GP — someone who actually listened and helped! (For the disabled community, this unfortunately A Big Deal.) What was most impressive about the new GP was that she never pushed the issue of getting my friend back to “not needing the chair”. So many medical professionals, so many humans, see that “normalcy” as what we all must want, so to not have someone push that agenda was sadly a shocking delight.

For a lot of able-bodied, thin, neurotypical people, when trying to relate to someone with disability, they think the goal for us is to be a skinny able-bodied neurotypical. When, in fact, for almost every disabled person I know, the goal is to have a body that lets them do what they want.

We don’t want to fit in. One of the first and biggest hurdles to being disabled is loving our body as it is. And once we do, why would we want to give that up?

I lost so much weight in the hospital, because of a brain injury and resultant coma. (It happens when you eat through a tube for two a half months.) I was a stick — I hated it so much. I felt like I was gonna fall over in a strong wind. Plot twist: according to the BMI (which everyone knows is bullshit), I was “healthy.”

HA. I looked awful. I looked wrong.

Currently, I now fall into the “obese” category. And I love my weight. The goal is not to be skinny, when I think about my health. The goal to have a body that does what I want it to. I want to walk everywhere, and I can. I love my bigger body, because it no longer feels like I’m going to fall over. I feel safe, I feel powerful, I feel right, in this body. Can I do everything I want, with my body? No. But no body can, and accepting the limitations of my disability doesn’t mean I’m different in that way. It just means I am more aware of where those boundaries are. (A metaphor: to a bird, not being able to fly must make us disabled. But no human thinks of their body as “wrong” because they can’t fly. My body is not “wrong” because I can’t run. I’m just different.)

Example: my voice is kinda wrecked (neurological complications from the brain injury). People often hear me and they think I’m sick. But, to be honest, I kinda love my voice. As a non-binary human, I don’t sound like a girl, and I don’t sound like a boy. I sound like me. Kids love me. Animals love me. I am a quiet, husky, non-threatening, non-gendered mystery.

The problem is not my voice, not how I feel about it. The problem is how my voice works in society. Am I sad that ESL people struggle with my voice, that I can’t really learn to speak secondary tongues; that I can’t sing? Very much. Am I sad that I can’t really work a regular job? I mean, not really, but not being able to afford to live is a huge problem in our capitalist hellscape.

As another friend put it, “capitalism is what handicaps me, not my disabilities”.

A lot of disabled folk share this feeling. (Not everyone! We are not a hive mind!) The problem is not how we navigate the world within our disabilities, it is that access is so limited that we often can’t. There are events my friend can’t go to her, in her chair — hell, she actually can’t even come to my house, since I live in a tiny old narrow many-staired inaccessible San Francisco apartment. So I go to her. There are places I can’t go, as a quiet human — bars are pretty much off-limits except for a Tuesday at 3pm (I don’t drink either though, so…). Access to the world is defined by the broad general category of ability — and it should be! I’m not saying that the world should not be built for the majority. But what I am saying is that there should be option, there should be asterisks, fine print, for those of us with different needs, and that it should not be world-ending to find those. It should not take a fight to accommodate us.

And for some of us (many of us), it should not be assumed that we want to get back to the “default”. We like being different. We just want a world that is okay with us thinking that.

That people assume that able-bodied neurotypical that everyone wants is harmful — not everyone wants that. And even if they want it, not everyone is capable of it. So we need to stop the myth that we can only find happiness in the “default”. That’s not only not true, it’s actively harmful. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to want to be different. It’s also okay to fit in. It’s okay to want that, too.

Everyone just wants agency over their lives, and disabled people deserve that as much as the able-bodied.