#threat of dying

[lord-squiggletits]

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

[mera-kiin]

LOOK AT ME. I CANNOT END.

[waystarresourceco]

Alan Ruck on Conor and Logan's relationship (and a little look into why Connor wasn't a contender for heir apparent). (x)

[everyitachi]

[awesome-shoes-with-wings]

@hedgehodgy - An update on my Triton sketch! He's cooked. I'm really happy you loved my sketches, by the way!!! I hope I continue to capture his vibe?

The rest of you - go read the fanfic if you haven't already. Pwease?

[enderspawn]

i just thought about how many times we came this close to losing jay as a pc and almost had a breakdown and or stroke like to thank jay ferin reblog to say i love you to jay ferin

[pocketramblr]

5 headcanons for an AU where All might deflates in front of the crowd after defeating the sludge villain?

OOOOOOH now that's fun

1- it's quiet, for a moment, as everyone stares and tries to process what they just saw. Izuku, who saw the truth already, still is stunned for a second. And then he realizes everyone else sees too, and his feet move before he can think more about it.

2- Izuku needs everyone to stop looking at All Might as the crowd begins to murmur, shaking itself. Izuku knows that Kacchan is very good at being loud and the center of attention. So, 2+2=4, he gives Bakugou a little push into a hero and a civilian and let's that work out.

3- As the explosion begins, Izuku grabs All Might's hand and runs, down between two buildings that still smell like smoke and sewage. Mt Lady grows for crowd control, and sees where they go- but the look in their eyes makes her turn back to the crowd and block a few civilians from following. She pretends everything is normal, and she's an actress. If that really was All Might- and it had to be, she felt that power- he'll be grateful when she contacts his agency later to demand what happened. If it isn't, then she can point out that letting non-heroes follow a villainous impersonator of that power level would have been disastrous.

4- they go a few buildings further when All Might's feet drag and Izuku's burst of motion slows. He pants, and stops at the street. "Go one way, All Might, sir, I'll tell them you went the other way." He can still hear Kacchan shouting above the other voices, and Mt Lady arguing back, but they don't have a lot of time. "Yeah, no." Toshinori says, and drags Izuku instead into a store, heading for the clearance section and hats.

5- the good news is, most people had put their phones down at this point and weren't filming. The TV cameras had turned away to show the people cheering and the blond victim fine. The bad news is that some people still were filming, and the TV crew went back, catching sight of All Might's skinny back fleeing the scene as the crowd erupted. As Toshinori pays for a change of clothes for both him and Izuku, his phone starts to ring. He mutes it as they change and put on the hats. Izuku asks where they are running too, but Toshinori just goes two buildings down to a ramen shop and sits at a table. He points out that no is going to look for All Might at a restaurant a block from the crime scene, much less expect him to be casually eating there in an Endeavor hoodie and a ball cap. He thinks the bright orange FG jacket izuku is now wearing to hide his school uniform clashes horribly with the lilac beanie, but it works to make the few curls escaping to look less green. As they eat, Toshinori tells Izuku about OfA, and makes his offer. Izuku bursts into tears because he just ruined All Might's secret, revealed it to everyone, he doesn't deserve his quirk, and now that it's in the open All Might can pick someone else, the best choice. Toshinori disagrees, because all Izuku did was inspire him to save that other boy, which was more important. Izuku agrees to be his successor, numbers are exchanged, and after eating Toshinori walks him home just in case- but it seems Izuku wasn't identified, probably because Bakugou could only scream "Deku" when shoved, so Izuku gets a quiet night of pure stress to himself while Toshinori heads to ask Tsukauchi for a ride to Might Tower for a very loud and very long night of pure stress and demanding answers.

[atoriv-art]

I really like your nejisasuneji fanart!I think the similarity between Neji and Sasuke in Naruto is worth exploring. Both of them come from the pupil aristocracy, and their strength is about the same (the early Byakugan and Sharingan are both very strong), and both of them are rebels. Regardless of whether it was fate or the system, both people failed in the end. Neji still failed to escape fate and became a scapegoat. Sasuke finally compromised to the old system and ran around in order to maintain the status quo. It is very appropriate to use one sentence to evaluate the two people: "Those who try to control their destiny end up being controlled by destiny."It will be interesting for the sasuneji two to help each other: Sasuke helps Neji reform the Hyuga clan and break the curse seal of the caged bird. At the same time, the reform of the Hyuga clan becomes the beginning of the reform of the old system of the ninja world. Neji, who is no longer controlled by the caged bird, becomes Sasuke's right-hand man.

yesssss this is what drew me to them! i find it very interesting they are both clan prodigies with Baggage and both come from prestigious clans no less. remember when the sharingan and byakugan were compared to each other and it meant anything ever that was FUN.

i particularly enjoy the idea of contrasting them because If I Wrote Naruto (said every naruto fan ever) this conflict of like. sasuke goes on to be the one who could Not bear to stay in konoha and then later turns against it, vs neji who stayed in konoha after being promised that things would change (and they didn't. funny that) would be something to be explored! especially after Both having been seen as Shitty, Angry Prodigies. but neji "calmed down" after being made promises that weren't kept and sasuke didn't let himself even consider falling for stuff like that (until the ending of naruto lmfao)

i'm a big fan of characters who contrast like that lol and i think the whole sharingan vs byakugan thing is a very fun backdrop to that. like dreams/illusions vs reality/truth? come on now.

people joke about it a lot i've seen, but literally if neji as a character were allowed to 1. exist in a meaningful way at all in shippuden lmfao 2. interact with sasuke, i do think it'd be an easy path for interesting interactions, because like. having to defend the village who's literally never helped you, against the guy who was also Never given any assistance or support growing up, AFTER the village made you countless promises that your life would get better when it literally did not? lol. lmao even

them teaming up is sincerely on the like top 5 best things that would happen If Naruto Made Any Sense to me to be honest i do think about it a lot.

[whumpshaped]

Prompt: "Tuberculosis/Consumption"

-Abraham ♡♡♡

tw coughing up blood, lethal disease, looming threat of death

Caretaker tried to keep their tears at bay as they changed the cloth on Whumpee’s forehead again. The water that kept it damp had become warm once again, something that happened incredibly frequently with how much Whumpee was burning up. Caretaker didn’t mind changing it often. So long as it offered any sort of relief to Whumpee, they didn’t mind doing anything.

The coughing fits were becoming more and more violent, with blood now staining all the cloth tissues and bedsheets in the house. Whumpees pyjamas were littered with little red dots, something they felt the need to keep apologising for.

“I’ve ruined them, and they were basically new…”

“Whumpee, please. Don’t worry about it.”

“How can you say that? I know how much pyjamas cost nowadays. At least let me apologise–” They were cut off by another fit, and Caretaker had to turn towards the light to be able to blink away the fresh tears. 

“Please, don’t strain your voice anymore,” they begged after Whumpee had finally settled down. “Rest.”

Whumpee looked away from them, letting their eyes wander to the bird right outside their small window. It was diligently working on a nest for itself and its partner, similar to how Whumpee had spent weeks building this little shack they were now residing in. It wasn’t masterful work, by any means, but it was only theirs, and no one could take it away. 

No one, except this goddamn disease.

“I haven’t only stained my clothes, have I?” they asked quietly. Caretaker looked down at their hands, letting the question hang in the air. There was no point in denying it if Whumpee already knew. No point in lying to someone on their deathbed. “I heard you last night,” they went on. “You’re sick.”

[waitineedaname]

more ling and mei thoughts. I find it interesting that even though they technically have the same goal, they present it differently. ling is always presenting it as "I need immortality to become emperor" while mei presents it as "I need immortality to save my clan." the implied element behind it comes out to have the same meaning ("I need immortality to become emperor to save my clan" and "I need immortality to save my clan by becoming empress") but it's interesting to see the way they prioritize those statements. obviously ling wants to protect his clan, but he's approaching it through the mentality of "I will become emperor, and through that power I will save my clan," meanwhile mei's emphasis on saving her clan makes her situation seem much more dire, because she is focused on saving her clan first and foremost, and the leadership perspective comes second

[nights-at-crystarium]

wolqotd

Does your WoL talk during fights? If yes, is it about them, showing off, or the opponent, taunting, mocking, or, perhaps, trying to reason?

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Hehe fun lil things after finishing the demo! Off to go doodle Si with the brothers now! uwu ✨

[unforgivenn]

WOLLEMI DAY 4- AT WEAPON'S POINT

AU of where Caleb *somehow* managed to escape and just starting out his new life happily... hopefully..

CW: Pet whump, Recaptured, themes of captivity, emotional whump, guns!!, shock collar mention, lil bit of angsttt, fear. a lot of it.

Caleb set down the grocery bags, feeling a sense of relief wash over him, finally back in a familiar space where he could begin to rebuild his life. His parents had tried convincing him to stay with him but he just needed some time alone and thankfully, they understood. He hummed to himself, moving towards his room and his closet but froze when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Well, well, well, look who decided to crawl out of their hiding hole..." He could basically feel the shit eating grin behind him. Caleb closed his eyes letting some tears drop down his cheeks.

"Dominic..." His heart pounded so fast that he felt it might leap out of his chest. Dominic sighed before grabbing his hair and twisting it pushing him to the wall letting the boy let out a pained cry. He looked at him. Caleb hadn't ever seen him this mad.. And he had seen him mad quite a lot.. He was sure he wouldn't be able to even support his weight if it wasn't for the hand in his hair.

"Guess you've lost your manners too during the time." Dominic slammed his head on the wall as he groaned feeling blood drip down his forehead and nose. He suddenly felt the cold, hard metal of a gun pressing against his temple, the weight of the gun, almost as if it's pushing him down. His heartbeat pounding in his ears, loud and erratic.

"Oh god.. please.. sir please.. I-I swear I won't- I'm so sorry- Please.." He spoke in a shaky, unsteady tone, voice filled with desperation and fear. Brief flashes of all those horrific memories filled his mind. A backhand slap shut him up.

"Goddammit. Do you fucking know how long it took me to find you?! This time I've got to make sure that doesn't happen again.." Dominic paused for a few seconds letting the words settle in Caleb's slow and occupied brain. "You ran away in hope of your family. Didn't chya?" Caleb's eyes suddenly snapped up to his. "Now you won't have anyone in hope for to run away right?" Dominic smiled coldly.

A gut wrenching cry escaped his lips as the reality of his loss sinked in. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he realized there was no escape from The Dominic Sinclair. "No.. God.. P-Please tell me it isnt true.. I'm sorry! I-I wont escape again! Just please.. T-They didn't do anything.."

"Oh pet... Something that's done can't be rewinded hm? Now get up. We're gonna miss our flight."

The whole way Caleb was silent, as if he was waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Dominic had forced a shock collar on him if he decided to do something funny, although Caleb was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen.. There was no point anymore..