#titan's laughing at your stupidity // meme

[joethehoeee]

Rise of titans actually made me laugh for so stupid reasons and I wanted to share this with you.

It's insane honestly.

THE PURE LOOK OF HORROR IN STRICKLER'S FACE WHEN JIM FALLS TO HIS DEATH AND THEN-

Barb is like 😯

Mrs. Lake, your son is falling to a cruel and unimaginably painful death and THAT is your reaction? Even you won't be able to fix him up after that, even if you are a good doctor.

Strickler looks so desprately fearful as if it is the worst thing he could ever imagine (it may be) and Barb is like "oh, well, surprised he made it this far"

GIRL THAT’S YOUR SON!!!!! YOUR S-O-N!!!

Where did the worried mother from 3 damn seasons go? Why is she not here.

And before you ask, this is not just an unconventional screenshot, it's the whole shot. (as far as I remember, tbh I refuse to rewatch it more than once)

Like real talk, this is so funny to me.

The difference is insane...(I should stop using that word...but I don't know anything else)

Walter could be used for memes tbh.

I BEG YOU ALL. Make memes as much as you can. Unrelated or related to trollhunters. That would be so funny !!! We need to take over the fandom!

[feraliminal]

Titan TVman and Beowulf are Basically the Same Character: Why Skibidi Toilet Is Folklore

It’s been a long time since I’ve touched the hellsite (I used to doodle and write dirty fic), but I’m fascinated by the silly toilet men videos, their popularity, and the confusion about their popularity. And because I’m a huge nerd and always want to know why people do things, I wrote something. It’s too long to leave on my Notes app and forget about, and I’m also not letting skibidi toilets anywhere near my serious blog. So I actually came back to Tumblr for this.

(Also the first stupid doodle I’ve done in forever, here’s the original meme.)

Toilet humour is obviously a huge part of why it’s so popular, and imho it’s a poop joke that got bigger than the creator intended it to. Toilets are endlessly amusing, particularly for kids, because learning to manage your waste is essential to being a civilised person but something that no one really wants to do. Some of the first conflicts between kids and their parents are often around cleanliness and potty training, and as we get older, the toilet is one of the few places where we’re first alone, particularly if we share a bedroom with siblings. Childlore and fiction about childhood is full of toilets: bullies that strike in school toilets, toilet ghosts like Bloody Mary and Hanako-san, people who died on the loo, and rats or spiders that bite your bum. It’s a classic example of a liminal space that looks mundane but could be full of scary shit.

So that’s my first smart theory, Skibidi Toilet is a contemporary haunted toilet story with something to do with dirt and discomfort vs tech. Clever theories about symbolism are fun and I think symbolism that feels relevant and familiar might be why something first attracts someone’s attention, but I don’t think it can explain the thing having fandom.

The only thing people love as much as poop jokes is stories about cool guys having punch ups, and there’s plenty of that as well. Visually and thematically, Skibidi uses all the tropes that we love in serious popular media - fights, explosions, monsters, giants, noise, the aforementioned cool robots. Swap out skibidi toilets for alien invaders, and cameramen with plungers for cyborgs with swords, and we’d have a respectable alien apocalypse story that’s identical to five other summer blockbusters. But as it is, it’s so ridiculous that it can only be a silly little internet video.

There’s a video by MatPat making a convincing argument that it’s actually about the conflict between independent content creators and the conventional media industry. But again, I think it’s also probably only indirectly what’s turning curious views into millions of subscriptions, especially since the earlier netlore was pretty niche. I think what viewers are picking up on is the dissonance between cool robots, apocalypse horror, and silly toilets, evidenced by most of the comments on YouTube being variation of “why is this actually good”. It’s got the same vibe as other stuff I’d classify as creepypasta-style or meme-style horror: Five Nights at Freddy’s, Among Us, Homestuck, and so on. In meme horror, there is an in-universe threat to characters that’s not played for laughs. However, something like a ridiculous gimmick, a parody of pop culture, or a dissonantly cute art style makes it clear that adult viewers who understand it as fiction don’t have to respect the threat.

The line between feared and respected has always been thin. A cool example of this is the word aglæca in Beowulf and other Old English texts. Aglæca is a debated word because it’s mainly used to describe monsters and demons, but is sometimes used to describe heroes and saints. Both the human hero Beowulf and his monster opponent Grendel are called aglæca. Based on this use and its etymology, some medieval studies scholars think it means something more like an uncanny and powerful outsider. I think a big part of meme horror’s appeal is that it’s still got heroes who are more or less serious characters fighting serious battles. We can respect the characters and their struggles even if we don’t fear the absurd stuff. I’ve chosen Titan TVman for my silly title because they’re the character that best embodies the “uncanny hero” aspect for me, but tbh I think that most meme horror heroes/anti-heroes seem to be these character types.

We know that enjoying horror fiction helps some people manage anxiety and fear, and comedy horror can help us laugh at fear. With the retained seriousness besides the playfulness, meme horror might be more beneficial than basic serious or comedy horror as a comfortably uncomfortable middle ground between the two. Cringe is currently having a cultural moment too, where concerns about and celebrations of being cringe are everywhere, so it might also give us a way of exploring and processing our feelings about embarrassment as well as fear.

Memes, and therefore meme horror, are very amenable to being collaboratively and spontaneously adapted and spread by regular folk. They’re a new form of folklore, essentially. They address stuff that’s relevant to the lives of regular folk, including ugly and uncomfortable things. There’s even a theory that the culture of the very online has began an era of “secondary orality” where how we spread stories on the internet replicates how we used to spread folk stories by word-of-mouth. Secondary orality is a double-edged sword, as it can build creative and supportive communities, but also spreads conspiracy theories and hate. No wonder some of us might not be having our needs fulfilled by regular horror fiction, if we’re facing the bad kind of secondary orality as well as everything else that’s going on in the world. (More allegories! An increasingly absurd and hostile world is another theme in Skibidi Toilet.)

The 1938 book Homo Ludens argued that doing things just for fun has defined features and benefits: play gives us freedom to express ourselves, it’s separate from everyday life, it allows us to construct new worlds with new rules, and it’s never compulsory or for profit. When we’re bombarded by media that’s designed to extract the maximum amount of profit from us, engaging with mainstream entertainment might sometimes feel not as playful or as voluntary. But by being a bit cringe, meme horror retains the appearance of being indie and just for fun even if it becomes obscenely popular.

So, for me, this is what Skibidi Toilet is about. It’s about new folklore playing the same role as old folklore, even if it looks like silly toilet men videos, because we’re essentially the same people as our ancestors telling monster stories around the fire.

[roseworth]

i went apeshit over that last one. anyway roy & anyone u choose w “i’m scared” pls 🫶

send me a prompt 😙

i chose mia is anyone surprised

--

For the millionth time in his life, Roy wished that Gotham rogues would just stay in Gotham. Whenever they got bored of Batman, they would come to fuck shit up in other cities, and everyone else just had to deal with it.

Today, it was the Riddler. His snarky tone and infuriating way of talking were already pissing Roy off, not to mention the fact that he had locked him in some kind of fucking escape room. 

“Are you a mythology fan, Arsenal?” Riddler asked over a speaker. Roy rolled his eyes and started looking around the room for a way to get out. When Roy didn’t respond, the Riddler continued. “Artemis and Apollo, the moon and the sun, the twins of the hunt. Brother and sister.”

Roy narrowed his eyes and looked up, trying to find some camera to stare into or something. “What do you want?”

“I think you are going to be the one wanting,” Riddler responded. Roy couldn’t wait to punch him in the face. “Because you’ve got a kind of twin yourself, don’t you?”

Roy raised an eyebrow. “A twin,” he repeated, wholly unimpressed.

“A sister in arms, a replica of what you once were,” Riddler explained in his stupid droning tone. 

Mia, Roy thought, his blood running cold. “What the hell do you want with Speedy?”

“Once again, I won’t be the one wanting,” Riddler sing-songed. “Maybe you should keep better track of your clothes.”

A hatch clicked, and a drawer opened with a single comm sitting in it. He took it out and shoved it in his ear. “Speedy?”

“Roy?” Mia said groggily. “What’s going on?”

“Riddler got us,” he explained. “I thought it was just me, but looks like we’re in it together, kid.”

Mia laughed quietly. “Always dragging me into your problems, huh?”

“Guess so,” he smiled. “Where are you?”

“I, uh…” she trailed off. “I don’t know. It’s dark in here.”

“Dark?” 

“As you may recall,” Riddler shouted over the speaker, “Artemis’s temple was burned to the ground back in 356 BC.”

No. 

“Riddle me this, Arsenal,” he said, a grin evident in his voice. “What is not alive, but grows? Doesn’t have lungs, but needs air? Doesn’t have a mouth, but is killed by water?”

“Damnit,” he said under his breath. “Mia? Are you okay?”

“Fuck,” she whispered. “I don’t want to be burned alive.”

“You won’t be,” he promised. “He gave me some riddles, that’s his whole shtick, right? I’ll get you, no problem.”

“‘No problem,’” she repeated in a mocking tone. “I can’t believe I’m getting fridged.”

Roy laughed breathily. “You’re not getting fridged, I promise not to go through any emotional development after you die.”

Mia snickered. “Just do the riddles, asshole.”

Roy turned back to the room. There was a drawer with a small slot, with the label What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs?

Roy rolled his eyes and searched the room for a penny. If all the riddles were like this, he would have Mia out in no time.

He found a penny sitting on the ground, then pressed it through the slot. The drawer popped open with another riddle. He breezed through them, making small talk with Mia all the while.

“How are the Teen Titans?” he asked.

“Fine,” she said. “Cassie started dating that one girl that we think might be Ollie’s.”

He snorted. “Cassie is sorta-half-sister-in-law material, right?”

Mia laughed. Roy worked through a few more riddles, picking up a pair of gloves after the riddle They have no flesh, nor feathers, nor scales, nor bone. Yet they have fingers and thumbs of their own. What are they?

He looked inside the gloves and pulled out a strip of paper.

I make two people out of one. What am I?

He read the riddle a few times. “Hey, Mimi, you good at riddles?”

“No. Also, ‘Mimi’?”

“There’s no better time to try out nicknames than right next to death, Memes.”

“Ugh.”

“I’ve got the riddle ‘I make two people out of one,’ any thoughts?”

Mia thought for a moment. “I’ve got a friend that’s a clone, maybe it’s a cloning device.”

“I don’t think that’s it,” he said. “Besides, Donna’s kind of sort of a clone, and she–” He cut himself off. 

“What?”

“It’s a mirror.”

“And you got that with the power of Donna?”

Roy searched the room for a mirror. He looked at a wall across from him and inspected the mirror. “What can I say? Donna’s smart, I guess just thinking about her makes me smarter.”

“Huh, you must not think about her a lot.”

“Very funny,” he drawled. He couldn’t find anything on or behind the mirror. He frowned, then threw it on the ground.

“What was that?”

“Mirror.”

“And you broke it?”

“Riddle’s behind the glass,” he said, flipping it over and picking up a slip of paper that had fallen out. “You have me today, tomorrow you'll have more. As your time passes, I'm not easy to store. I don't take up space, but I'm only in one place. I am what you saw, but not what you see. What am I?”

“I hate riddles,” Mia replied. “This is stupid.”

“‘I don’t take up space’ probably means it’s a concept.”

“Sounds like a thought,” she said. “You have them today and more tomorrow, and everyone has thoughts. Well, most people have thoughts, I don’t know what you have.”

“Love you too, my darling sister,” Roy said sarcastically. “It’s what you saw, so it’s in the past right? Memories?”

“Ah, yes!” Riddler yelled over the speaker. “Memories! And you’ll have to live with the memories of your sister for–”

“That ones a bit of a stretch,” Roy interrupted. “Not a good riddle if you have to explain it.”

“Roy!” Mia yelled. “Fire!”

“What?”

“Fire!” she repeated. “It’s fuckin– It’s coming closer, I’m gonna–”

“Stay calm, Speedy,” Roy said, instantly shifting into seasoned vigilante mode. 

“Now that we’re properly focused, let’s move on,” Riddler said smugly. “What is it that given one, you'll have either two or none?”

Roy frowned. “A…” he trailed off. He had heard this one before. “A choice?”

A door flew open behind him. “Exactly!” Riddler yelled. “You have a choice: You can stay here and save Speedy, or you can leave now and save yourself! You can’t do both.”

He heard the comm in his ear click. Fuck. “Speedy? Can you still hear me?”

“No outside help,” Riddler cackled. “Now, a choice!”

The choice was pretty clear. He could leave to get help, but he had no guarantee Riddler wouldn’t kill her while he was gone. Even if the man killed him after Mia was safe, it would be better than her getting hurt.

“I choose Speedy,” he said, crossing his arms. 

Riddler said nothing, but the comm in his ear clicked again. 

“...Roy?”

“Right here, kiddo.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought you left me.”

“Never, I swear.”

She didn’t reply. Roy wished they could go back to 2 minutes ago when she was teasing him instead of the nervous silence she had now.

“Talk to me, kid, I’m still sorting through these riddles,” he said, flipping to the back of the memory riddle and finding a new riddle to work through.

“There’s still a fire,” she said quietly. “It’s slow, but it’s getting closer.”

“You’re gonna be out of there in no time, don’t you worry.”

Mia stayed silent for a while, and Roy kept moving through riddles. They were all softballs from here, like “What has hands, but cannot clap?” then the next riddle inside the clock.

“Roy?” Mia said, her voice raspy and shaking. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m scared.”

“You’re gonna be okay,” he assured her.

“How do you know?”

“Would I ever lie to you?”

“Yes,” she answered. “You lie to me all the time.”

“What? Name one time.”

“The other day you told me Nightwing was raised by a family of monkeys and that’s why he’s so acrobatic,’” Mia ranted.

Roy couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay, fine, that was–”

“And you tried to convince me that the real way Ollie got off the island was by growing gills and swimming away.”

“Come on, those were all–”

“And just last week you told me you were going to visit home, then you didn’t,” she yelled. Roy’s stomach twisted at the way her voice wavered like she was holding back a sob. “And I waited! I-I was waiting all night because I thought you were coming like you said, then you didn’t and I just–” She took a deep breath, then mumbled, “Whatever. Didn’t even care.”

“Mia, I–”

“It’s fine, you were doing something important, or whatever, I get it.”

“I’m sorry, kid,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “I would’ve, I swear, it wasn’t about you.”

“I know,” she said. “Still hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “But trust me now, you’re going to be okay, and you can yell at me to my face about it soon.”

“I don’t want to,” she mumbled. “I don’t want to be mad at you about it, I just want you there.”

“Mia…”

“Whatever, man, I’m in a room of fire right now, just– just do what you need to do.”

Roy grimaced and looked at the next riddle, only to find that there was no riddle. Just the sun on a piece of paper.

“Congratulations, dear Apollo, you’ve seen the sun!” Riddler yelled. “But alas, the moon cannot be seen without the sun’s light! Rise, dear moon, and reflect the sun’s shine as your own!”

“...What?”

“Roy,” Mia said. “A door to the roof just opened above me, I’m getting out.”

“Thank god,” he sighed. “Get far away, don’t let him find you again, okay?”

“What? No way, man,” she argued. “You’re still trapped, I’m not just gonna leave you.”

“I can get out myself, don’t worry about me,” he replied, not sure if he even believed himself.

“Don’t lie to me, I’m– wait a minute."

Roy frowned. “What’s going on?”

“I need you to trust me.”

“That’s not very reassuring.”

“Duck.”

“What?”

Seconds later, a wall blew up behind him, and Mia walked through the rubble.

“Explosive arrows!” she exclaimed, holding her bow above her head. “He left my quiver on the roof.”

“Jesus, give a guy some warning, Mimi,” he grunted, dusting himself off.

“I told you to duck.”

“Alright, fine,” he said, then opened his arms. “C’mere, kiddo. I’m just glad to see you safe.”

Mia’s face broke out into a grin as she sprinted straight into his arms, tackling him into a hug, nearly causing him to fall over with the force of it. He beamed and lifted her off her feet as she hugged him tighter. 

“Can we find Riddler and punch his stupid face now?” Mia asked from where her face was smooshed against Roy’s shoulder.

“Absolutely.”

[lucifersresources]

stupid shit said in discord servers part two meme.

edit/alter/change pronouns etc as you see fit!  

where did i put the moon.

where is the moon?

am i pathetic enough?

demon, leave my nipples alone.

jfk is a werewolf.

jfk is wizard. no a werewolf. no both!

he's not a werewolf, he's a wizard.

adventure time was not on my bingo card.

have you seen the latest gay twitter discourse?

she's borderline toxic, don't encourage her.

at least tie me up if you're going to put me in the corner.

don't fake middle name me.

i'm not coming back till i get an APOLOGY.

do any gay people want to talk while we have long long line

why didn't you tell us about your titanic connection?

otter drama > the folly of man.

ah yes, i'm a moron.

i can't think of one attractive blonde male.

he's gay and mean.

i can't bully you, i have you pencilled in for tomorrow!

i just dreamed you didn't know what a teaspoon was.

me, laugh? :o never o’ omniscient one, not even once my panopticonical overlord

i'm gonna throw you in the ocean.

how to kill a horcrux: Fiendfyre, Basilisk Venom, embarrassment

i found another porn reader!

no you're dead.

be...cause... he looks breedable?

i'm sorry you're covered in nutty creamer.

I personally love when creamers explode on me

don't let blender blades bite

rise of the lost Thems.

he's your type, which is not my type

don't you love hairy titties?

i want him to beat me up.

side note, i'm not getting fired.

[purplemys]

Living in a developing country myself, surrounded by poverty and hardships, I am sure it needs to be said: Not being invested in the lives and deaths of rich people (yes, I do mean generally wealthy people) is one thing.

Laughing at, mocking, and making memes about their possible demise and now confirmed demise is another level of gross lack of basic respect. Yes, you will not catch the common crowd in such conditions. Yes, the Titanic is considered a gravesite. What do we do when we don't actually care or sympathize with someone at all who died?You ignore them. People can mock the most heinous, pedophiles, sex offenders of any kind- sure. But these people, I'm willing to bet most of us don't know them personally. Nothing I've seen indicated that they deserved one of the worst experiences ever. It baffles me. I've seen all the takes imaginable, from how these people "had it coming" and "they don't deserve that kind of attention that should be put on something more important." I've seen genuinely stupider scenarios and it all ends the same. With all of them dead and the families mourning. There's no change, justice or vindication in that.

The bodies on that submarine will likely be found obliterated... You can't really take back those kinds of remains to the family unless you want them to do it thoroughly which I doubt they'll do... so guess there's not much closure for the families either.

Then there's the "issue" with the supposed news coverage. I only heard about this incident through the memes. The incident with the refugees, I caught wind of through public outcry. I genuinely don't see how people are somehow "putting more importance on a bunch of scummy millionaires than a hundreds of refugees."

I care about both honestly. The world is going to shit and I can't care less about how rich someone is when something horrific happens.

"Eat the rich" this "Eat the rich" that. You laughing at their deaths ain't gonna distribute the wealth to the poor or tell the goverment to give a shit about the poverty and strife-ridden areas. All you guys are doing are showing how little you care about their lives and their loved ones.

I'm real sick of the blatant disregard for people dying just because the people were rich and reckless (and probably disrespectful, depending on how you look at it).

Save your clowning to yourself, honestly, you guys are insensitive. It's not funny, not even a little bit.

[talonsandtails]

I’m gonna say it again; the people celebrating the now confirmed deaths of the passengers on the Titan are foul, disgusting, pathetic excuses for humans. This isn’t fricking about you and your own stupid financial problems. Using this as an excuse to get attention and pity is beyond disgustingly selfish. Is it even that hard to fake sympathy and keep your own evil opinions to yourself? Imagine what the families of the victims are going through and the entirety of social media is laughing in their faces making fricking memes about how they “deserved it” because “oh I’m poor and it’s these randos fault.”

[titanstransparentsinc]

These are too fun to make tbh

- Mod Sad Tree Man

[rivangel]

based on this meme @postwarlevi sent on discord SO LONG AGO IM SORRY the other day LMAO

content/warnings: post-canon (no spoilers), worth a giggle, Levi hates driving

wc: ~.5k

“Levi.”

No answer. Frowning, you glance over at him behind the skinny black wheel that’s used to steer. His eyes are flickering between a dozen things at once, including every needle on the dashboard.

“Levi,” you whisper, squeezing the so-called ‘grab handle’. Same as you, his knuckles are pasty from holding on so hard; what muscles you can see of his arms from his elbows down veiny and hard.

You should’ve listened to him when he said that renting one of these three-ton “death machines” would be a bad idea; he didn’t know what the grab handles were, either.

“Levi.”

“I’m focusing,” he snaps, and shifts the clutch as you take a turn. “Quiet. Or I’ll drive to a shop and buy some duct tape.”

You laugh out loud, feeling hysterical. “We’re in the middle of nowhere!”

Not entirely true. You insisted on starting out cautiously, practicing on these deserted, rural roads with green land stretching in all directions after passing the written test to drive, which you also insisted he do.

Levi wholeheartedly agreed with one of these suggestions.

“I have one functional eye,” he retorts. “And eight fingers.”

“I couldn’t even tell!”

A scoff. “Neither could the Marleyans who sold us this thing.”

“Look, we have three eyes, and eighteen fingers between us. It’s fine. This is just a learning—” you laugh again, “—a learning curve.”

He glares at the asphalt ahead. Fact is, he never would’ve agreed to any of this hadn’t he thought it would be useful.

And you really wanted him to. Women aren’t “allowed” to have license to drive, whatever that means.

His mood is already so shitty that just remembering that fact pisses him off more. Women dedicated their hearts to fly through the air and get eaten by Titans where he’s from. They can’t drive one shitty death machine here?

Then you softly gasp, and he’s ripped from his train of thought just as this black death machine is almost run into a ditch. He swivels the wheel just in time to the tune of you squealing, and stops.

He puts the death machine in park, and stares at you above that hand clapped over your face. The engine idles softly.

“Sorry,” you breathe, high in your throat. “We were going so fast, the trees started blurring.”

“Blurring,” he deadpans. “They blurred when you flew through the sky, too.”

“That’s my point!” You’re whispering this for some reason. “But it’s not like a horse. We have to follow a guided path, between lines, with other cars, which are…” You settle back in your seat, sighing long and loud. “…bigger.”

He settles back too, or tries, and cracks his knuckles. That ache in his leg is starting up again... he’s been tense, to say the least.

All his life it’s been easy to take after new things, but you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you frown. “You want me to take over?”

While against the law, you mutually agreed it’s a stupid law, so he’s had you practicing, too. But mostly the written test.

“Yeah,” he grunts. “I won’t freak out and make the driver crash.”

“I won’t freak out when my passenger makes a little noise, causing me to crash.”

He smirks a little behind his good hand. “Then it’s agreed. Knock yourself out.”

| levi masterlist | main masterlist |

🏷️: @ackermandick | @midtwenties-angst | @sckerman | @halloweenmedic | @katty | @jayteacups | @notgoodforlifee | @peace-for-levii | @chaotic-nick | @b-o-n-e-daddy | @levisbrat25 | @oh-my-bakura-akefia | @happybird16 | + link to sign up

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[artistgoudeau]

Wish Fulfillment “Do-Over” NSFW!!! NOT FOR MINORS!!!

So this is my idea for a long fiction I want to do that’s mostly my own wish fulfillment. What do you guys think? I’ve already started writing but it’s in the drafts stage.

Everyone x fem y/n (platonic)

Erwin x Reader x Levi x Miche x Hange (romantic)

Black/brown skinned (4c hair)

Chubby/curvy y/n (in the beginning)

Big booty y/n (just cause)

Huge Blerd (big AOT fan but has other fandoms)

Is a well of random knowledge thanks to YouTube

Has attended college

Has a smart mouth/ snarky personality

Smoke weed every day!

Y/n is an average millennial with a big heart and a hopeful outlook on life despite dealing with depression and anxiety herself. She is average in body proportions (for American women) but has a curvy body. As the story progresses, Y/n will have changes in her body that’s one would expect from going from an average American diet, to nearly starving and exercising to keep up with actual soldiers. Y/n genuinely believes in love and goodness but will be tested through this harsh reality of AOT.

curses, wears revealing/tight clothes (for the era), depressed, has generalized anxiety, confident and self loving, but makes self deprecating/inappropriate jokes, loves colors, loves animals, loves guitar & piano (avg player), isn’t a singer but loves to sing, isn’t a dancer but loves to dance, can cook (cause duh),

Main goal: change the ending of the series by helping everyone survive and freeing the founding Titan and establishing world peace

Y/n loves/likes most of the characters and is working to help them survive and find happiness

Not intentionally seducing any character, but most/all characters ending up adoring y/n

I plan on keeping y/n on the same path of love and peace throughout the story but they will absolutely have changed characteristics

Start- optimistic but not naive/not a leader/not confident in physical ability to kill to survive/kind/creative/smart mouth/aave/hides emotions (poorly)/wears her heart on her sleeve/crybaby

End- still optimistic/smart mouthed/kind/creative/becomes a leader/becomes nearly fearless/still crybaby/aave

“Last time I checked I was grown”

“And boom goes the dynamite”

“Kiss the fattest part of my ass!”

“Ni -hnghmmm- boy…”

“You have five seconds to get the fuck out of my way...4”

“All dogs are puppies”

“But is that a LAW or more of a guideline?”

“I’m not sure about murder, but I will stab you in the eyes.”

“What the FUCK did you just call me?”

Levi: “hey fatass.” Y/n: “hey shortass.”

“I don't know what I can do to get you to trust me, but I swear, the only thing I want is to see humanity do more than just survive. I want you all to truly live.”

“This isn’t life. This is ugly and cruel. And the worst part is that it doesn’t HAVE to be. The world is cruel because PEOPLE made it that way. Life could be heaven on earth if we all decided to change.”

“I’m not a killer. Hell, compared to everyone here, I’ve lived like royalty. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t felt pain, or loss. It doesn’t mean I don’t have a heart.”

“My family,…my friends,...everything gone.”

“*sob* no one knows where I am! *sob* I can’t even tell anyone I’m okay.”

“FUCK YOU! I AM ALONE! Everything and everything I have ever known is completely out of my reach! I have never been more alone in my life! I have nothing! *sob* so fuck you…”

“Why me? It could’ve been anyone! Someone useful! I’m just a regular ass person! Why ME?!”

“Please tell me that y’all use seasoning in your food.”

“It’s your world, I’m just living in it.”

“Deez nuts.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Lay one fucking finger on me and you will lose your entire fucking hand.”

“Does this look like a fucking petting zoo?!”

“You do the right thing even when it’s hard. That’s how I know you’re a good person.”

“Just another day in the survey corps! Hehehehe!”

Makes constant references to modern era jokes/memes and laughs at them to herself.

“Stupid is as stupid does.”

Sees Titan out of nowhere: “Wha-Oh Fuck! Shit! BITCH!!!!”

“My ancestors were taken from their homelands and made into slaves in a foreign land. They lost their freedom, cultures, families, everything. 400+ years later I break bread w/ the descendants of those slave owners and I do not hold resentment towards them. Don’t get me wrong, there are times where I want vengeance and blood. But I’m 400+ years, the descendants of those slaves proved over and over again that we are not the animals they thought us to be. And it’s not perfect by any means. Because of the color of my skin, I could be killed, discriminated against and brutalized. But my people persevered. We came together and fought to be free. We created a culture unique to us that the entire world sees. And we still fight, until a day comes where the color of someone’s skin, their sex, gender, size shape, etc. are not ever used against them again. And I still believe that world is achievable.”

[sleepysnk]

not a very long chapter today, but next chapter will be VERY IMPORTANT. keep watch for it! <3

Team Player: Chapter Five

Pairings: Eren Jaeger x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.9k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

Eren awoke to the aching of his ankle. His green eyes fluttered open as he reached for his phone on his nightstand, the screen lighting up and showing the time that said 8:55 A.M.  It felt too early to be awake, but his ankle was bothering him too much. 

He arose from his bed and looked over at Armin's bed. He was already gone and out to class. Eren stood up and winced as his ankle throbbed in pain. 

Unfortunately for him, he was now injured way worse than he was before. His muscle was now more irritated and the nurse told him that he needed to skip the next game or two to make sure it fully healed. Eren was irritated with that. He wanted to get back on the field as quickly as he could, but he knew damn well Coach Smith wouldn't let him. Judging on how pissed off he looked on Saturday, Eren was certain there was no way he could smoothly talk to him. 

Eren grabbed the side of his bed, reaching for the small bottle of pills that was prescribed for the pain. He had to take more now since he wasn't doing that well. The nurse gave him so many instructions on how to take care of his ankle, it all bombarded him at once. 

Grabbing the plastic water bottle, Eren put the meds in his mouth and swallowed, feeling the pills go down his throat. 

He quickly changed into a sweater and black sweatpants, making sure to wear the patch the nurse gave him. He threw on slides and grabbed his backpack, exiting his dorm to the main campus. 

As he entered the main doors, he felt eyes suddenly boring holes into his head. Eren hung his head low as he stared at his phone, trying to get some attention off of him. Many people were pissed at what happened during the game, people clowned him on Twitter, giving him nicknames or posting meme videos to his fail. It was honestly kind of embarrassing for him. Many sports analysts talked about it, and Eren knew that wasn't good. 

Eren's eyes averted upward as he saw Jean walking with Marco. 

"Hey Jean," Eren said and approached him. 

Jean stood there and clenched his jaw. "What do you want dude? You here to tell me how shitty of a lineman I am?" he asked and crossed his arms. "Look dude.. no offense but stay out of my way." he added and pushed past Eren. 

Eren stood there watching Jean walk off. He's never seen him act that way before, Jean usually kept his words to himself sometimes, but it kind of made Eren feel shitty. 

"You suck!" a random student yelled and looked at Eren. "Selfish as fuck.." he added and kept walking. 

Eren didn't even do anything. He just walked away from the guy near him. His mind was clouded with so many thoughts, he really was the laughing stock of Trost. Everyone just stared at him as he walked in the hall to his class, what was he going to do? He couldn't exactly clear his name or whatever, the footage was all online. 

He silently prayed things would go well at practice. 

-

The day seemed to pass by slowly for Eren. 

He barely did anything in most of his classes and he didn't bother to pay attention. 

What bothered him the most was that most of his teammates avoided him, whenever Eren tried to say hello they all ignored him, or they told him to go away. The team’s loss was not his intention, he wanted to show everyone his talent out on the field as well as impressing the scout that was there and to make others proud.  

Going on social media was the worst. People made memes about his fail, and many people were disappointed in what happened. They looked like idiots during that game, the Titans were their rivals too, which also meant that the school itself looked absolutely shitty. 

Eren could care less what was happening in his physics class, the teacher just blabbed on and on about velocity and other crap. None of it seemed to interest Eren as he was just too lost in his thoughts about the game. 

"You're all dismissed!" the professor called and looked around the room. 

Eren stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder, he walked slowly down the hall as his ankle was bothering him still. What was he going to do? 

The day had already ended and Eren decided to make his way to practice, he knew he couldn't exactly play or catch any balls, but maybe he could just observe. 

He opened the door to the locker room and saw many of his teammates staring or exchanging looks with one another, he felt awkward walking in there. This hasn't exactly happened to him before either. 

"What are you doing here?" Reiner asked, crossing his arms. "You're hurt. Coach doesn't want you here," he added. 

Eren looked at the blonde who seemed to be in a bad mood. "I-I just… wanted to observe," he replied and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Eren." his head turned to see Coach Smith standing there with his arms crossed. "Come into my office… we need to have a chat," he said and waved him over. 

Eren gulped and made his way into the office, his pulse began to race rapidly. He knew it probably wasn't good. 

"Have a seat," Coach Smith said and plopped down at his desk. 

Eren put his backpack down on the ground and looked at his Coach, his icy hues burning holes into his head. 

"U-Um… what do you want to speak about?" Eren asked, giving a weak smile. 

Coach Smith leaned back and sighed. "It's about what happened on Saturday-" 

"I'm sorry. That was totally my fault, I thought Jean was going to get-" he was cut off. 

"I didn't finish Eren," he said sternly and crossed his arms. "Eren what happened on Saturday was absolutely unacceptable and unsportsmanlike. Jean is your teammate! I gave Reiner that call to throw to him, not you. Your behavior lately has been very inappropriate.”

Eren looked down and bit his lip. "B-But! I thought he was going to get tackled! If I-"

"Enough. There is no excuse for your actions Eren, not only that, but you were hurt too. I told you three times that if you were hurt, to step off the field. That's not okay at all Eren. Look at you now! Your ankle is now even worse than before. Your actions are extremely selfish," he stated. 

Eren fell silent as his words played into his head. 

"Until you can play like a team player, leave." Coach Smith said. 

Eren looked up with wide eyes. "What? What do you mean leave?!" he asked with concern in his voice. 

"Until you can get your act together, you're benched and off the team. There's not buts anymore Eren, I've let your behavior slide numerous times. Your own teammates have come to me about this as well, so until you can gain some proper teamwork skills you're benched," he replied. "Don't bother coming to practice or showing up to games or I will suspend you," he added. 

Eren leaned back in his chair. "You can't do this coach please! I need this season!" he pleaded and looked at him with pleading eyes. 

Coach Smith stood up. "Nobody wants a player who can't think for anyone else, especially not the Chiefs," he said. "Now please… leave. Don't show up for the rest of the week," he added and went towards the door. 

Eren grabbed his backpack and exited the office, many eyes watched as he exited the locker room. Frustration, anger, and even sadness rushed through him all at once. How could his own Coach do that to him!? Coach Smith has believed in Eren from the day he entered Trost. Why the sudden change? 

He went outside and breathed in the cool air, the leaves fell from the trees as it was now fall. The leaves crunched under his feet as he walked back to his residence hall, he just wanted to lay in bed and sleep the rest of the day. 

He eventually got back and opened the door, Armin sat on the opposite side of the room with his laptop open. 

"Eren? You're back early. Short practice today?" he asked and nodded. 

Eren threw his backpack onto the floor which made a loud thump come from it. "No.." he replied and sat on his bed. "It's way worse than that," he added. 

Armin furrowed his brows. "What happened?" he asked. 

Eren threw his phone onto his nightstand. "I got benched for what happened at the rival game, so don't expect me to be playing. I can't go to practice either," he replied and leaned against the wall. 

The blondes eyes went wide as saucers hearing the news. "What? That's never happened to you before…" he said and looked down. 

"Yeah.. I guess the other players have talked about it too," Eren said and adjusted his man bun. "Which is absolute bullshit to me," he added and shrugged. 

Armin stayed silent as he listened to Eren rant, he knew how badly the situation was. Being injured didn’t exactly help anyone, being benched was the best course of action. Seeing the way he played on Saturday was kind of embarrassing in a way, Eren barely let anybody have the ball. 

"What am I going to do? My teamwork skills are fine!" Eren complained, staring up at the ceiling. 

Armin laughed a bit. "You're going to have to work on it yourself. Teamwork takes a lot of self work, it's up to you to fix it." he replied. "I wish I could help but to be honest, I suck at that kind of stuff." he added. 

Eren felt a small smile draw onto his lips. "It's okay Armin… I guess I have to fix all of this on my own," he said. 

"So you're benched for the next game?" Armin asked and nodded a bit. 

Eren sighed. "Yup… and who knows how long either. Coach told me to not show until I get my act together," he replied, putting his arms behind his head. "Which sounds stupid to me because I'm fine the way I am," he added and shrugged his shoulders. 

Armin closed his laptop and placed it next to him. "Maybe you have to accept his words Eren.. he could be just trying to help you," he said, looking over at him. "Sometimes you have to face the reality of it," he added. 

Eren sat up and looked towards his roommate. "No.. there's nothing wrong with me Armin. If he was trying to help he wouldn't have benched me," he replied. "I'll be fine.. just don't worry about it," he said and stood up limping to get his medication. 

Armin stayed silent and just watched as Eren took his medication. Was Eren right about everything? Maybe his skills were fine and everyone was just being dramatic, or maybe Coach Smith was right. Maybe Eren needed the work, that was something Armin wasn't sure of, but judging off the way Eren played on Saturday… he was convinced Eren did have issues on the field. 

One thing was for certain, something was up with Eren.

tagging: @ererokii @eremiie @callmepromise @moomii-hime @katsuhera @flam3bird @kc-braun @backstagepaige @thicmitten @daughter-of-the-stars11 @just-a-little-sad @chayauwu @sof-yeager @basket-flower-chick @lunamoonawatcher

[arminiloveyou]

Hi love! I wanted to ask for an AOT or JJK (romantic) matchup if that's alright (you can totally ignore this lmao)

Well, I like art, more specifically older art, I love classical music and I would love to be able to play the violin some day. I enjoy reading, and also do a little bit of digital art once in a while. I'm afraid this might sound conceited, but I really enjoy seeking knowledge and I'm naturally a very curious person. So, learning about philosophies on life of prominent people from the past and looking into their reasons for believing in them is very interesting to me. Also, I really really love vines and facebook memes lmao. Weird change of pace, but yeah.

As for my wants and/or needs, I'd just like to get my degree, find a smart guy whom I can cherish and just live life because I haven't had the chance to do that yet, to be honest.

Anyway, here's a picrew of me :)

Thank you so much for this :)

I hope you have a wonderful day/night <3

hi lovely!! omg learning violin was so much fun for me i really hope you get to enjoy it someday!!!!! n it’s not conceited :) hope you enjoy!!

for jujutsu kaisen i match you with…

ITADORI YUUJI

i know this one may not make the most sense at first but… one - the memes n two - i think yuuji’s a lot smarter than people give him credit for. so, yes, while the pair of you would laugh n joke a lotttt he would be soooo down to listen to you about philosophy. via his time as a sorcerer he’s reflected a lot on his own philosophy so hearing about other ones would feed his wonders even more n help him to learn n grow. n he wouldn’t just simply listen - if he disagrees with something he’ll voice his distain respectfully but overall he’s going to add to the discussion. “yknow y/n, i always learn so much from you… i’m thankful to you, hopefully with time i can teach you things too :)”

for attack on titan i match you with…

ARMIN ARLERT

this sweet boy would fuckin adoreeee you!! he’d be so encouraging n helpful with you getting your degree. you would obviously be stunning to him but your intelligence n curiosity is really what catches his heart. endless conversations spanning a plethora of topics, if you thought you had learned something on your own he will soon expand your conceptualization n perspective on these topics even more!!! he would be soooo giddy to share his own findings with you. the pair of you would fall down various rabbit holes together for weeks on end as niche topics n it would feel so fruitful n rewarding. i love y’all…. “y/n, uhm i know you’ve not been sleeping much lately cause of your studies n i know sometimes you feel left out on your personal studies n just lookin into things that interest you outside of school so…. i thought maybe i could read to you as you go ready for me n before you go to sleep? i know it’s silly if it’s stupid you could tell me… i could read over facetime or even… i-in person if you’d like? i could cuddle you n play with your ha-hair too… if you’d like….”

[round1addict01]

My experience on Apex Legends Mains:

This is just my experience, I can't speak for everyone since people have different experiences and opinions towards certain mains. This is for laughs and fun. Nothing serious and just stupid thoughts. Will go by alphabetical order!

Bangalore:

Really aggressive and quick to run in. Pretty good aim and for some reason the first one to be shot at. I hear her voice saying she's been hit at multiple times before anyone else. Sometimes can't wait for the team to catch up and end up being downed fairly quickly. Uses smokes for the rez but they do it at the wrong place. Forget that they are in the open when rezzing. Pretty slippery to kill due to their passive. Uses their Ultimate anywhere... even when the enemy team can easily go indoors... Overall, they're pretty solid teammates.

Bloodhound:

These feral people I swear to god-. A wild card when teamed up with. Unpredictable and most of the time exceed expectations. Will use Beast of the Hunt when the fight starts but the fight lasts 20s. *HEAVY BREATHING*. Uses scan on places that are empty just in case but then alerts people nearby. Wants to land in densely populated areas. I enjoy their company and they're pretty good at what they work with.

Caustic:

The one teammate who will block entrances with their gas traps. Hell breaks loose when there's 2 in a fight. Teammates are annoyed at them when in an enclosed space. Second most often to rage quit. Will stick traps onto the trident as the one driving will have to cross their fingers that no one shoots them. Will miss their ultimate, no where close to the enemies. Satisfying to play as and a piece of shit to play against. Ironically the most serious legend has the most hilarious moments.

Crypto:

This bad boy... is covered in traps or punched by teammates to a new location for laughs. Underrated. Super helpful but no one notices him. Teammates flock around him and t-bag until he gets back. Will most likely be around Mirage mains for the banter. Will hide behind a rock instead of being inside a building. Hearing the "wrrrrr" of his drone induces anxiety. They know this and try to mess with you. Shooting the drone and failing always gives them the ">:3". Please give these mains the attention they deserve.

Gibraltar:

I love them. They can slam my back and I'd thank them. That being said... they need to be more aware of their surroundings. They have really awful timing when it comes to rezzing. Sometimes forget that his shield is not as invincible and can be passed through. Dies while rezzing. The most protective and supportive teammate. Also really friendly. Praise them because they will die for you. *small smooch to the cheek for gibby mains*

Horizon:

"We can all use a pick me up" heard 99.999% of the match. Love to be on the high ground. Really pleasant to listen to her voice. Seen most often in teams now. Experimenting new strategies. People are still getting used to her so not much to say at the moment. Sweet people with the will to help teammates.

Lifeline:

Tries their best to be helpful but their kit is used poorly. Uses the shield from D.O.C. to fight instead of finding cover to help rez. Speaking of rez, the one being rezzed will be downed again and again until the enemy finally puts down their misery. Will lose the fight when the rez isn't finished and the person gets killed. Most likely to get pissed when another teammate rezzes downed players. Healing during a fight will result in being found and getting blasted with bullets. Will complain when they don't get the loot. Asks for the loot you have so they can later die with it.

Loba:

Queen of getting away. Bracelet is loud enough to attract enemies and they're not aware of this sometimes. Once the black market open you gotta look all areas just in case an enemy team sees or hears the outline. Will open black market 90% of the match no matter where they are. Never deactivates their black market. I have never ever seen it happen. Revenant and Bangalore mains will most likely be teamed up with her. Really helpful teammates and generous when it comes to loot.

Mirage:

These people absolutely adore his humor and banter with everyone. Will use the riding skydive emote the most. Bamboozles actually trick you and you realize how dumb you can be. Makes people waste their bullets and revel in this fact. Rezzing is very nice.... until you hear footsteps then it's extreme anxiety. Has meme potential in anything. Will try to use their ultimate to escape but will eventually be shot at. Half of the fakes run into walls or objects which will have the enemy team look directly at the real one. Goofy and fun to be around but anxiety goes straight up when they're trying to rez.

Octane:

Speedy bois. Hella hard to hit and never stop running. Try their hardest to get teammate banners. Cheer on these devil babies, they do so much. Slurps and throw up loot all in one go. *90's racing music in the background*. Unfortunately abandons their team behind when 1 person is downed. Can't stay indoors for long and keeps moving destinations. Cannot drive the titan for their life and crash land near edges of maps. Makes me grip the mouse and keyboard when they're driving.

Pathfinder:

Will use their grappling hook and either fly over their initial stop or be stuck under the building. I'm the one stuck under the buildings. Hella good at snipers and aerial shots. Is that one main who'd swing into action all cool but will crash face first into a building. Zip lines to fights and gets downed first. Gets impatient when groups don't show up and quit. 2nd most salty people in voice chat. Pretty good for rezzing and retreats. It's over when they have high ground.

Rampart:

Ballistic players who don't know how to chill. Gets the most attention with Shiela but also has their shields at all angles when a fight happens. Prepared for a gun fight at all times. Pair up with trap mains and create so much chaos. Will likely get pissed if teammates don't stay behind shield and get downed. Also underrated af. Shield get left all over the map and turns the fight around if the enemy uses it. Honestly need more Rampart in my life.

Revenant:

Guilty of playing him for his voice. I'm calling myself out here but I'll be damned if I don't drag the rest of the fandom down with me. Will keep climbing up to impossible heights until they get in the perfect spot. Crawly bois, sneaky af. Will forget to use their totem before a fight. This also is the case with their tactical. Throws themselves in the most populated areas as jump master. Pings loot for teammates. Ironic that the character is awful to other people but the mains are really nice people. Love to annoy Lobas and piss off everyone else if their teammates are trash.

Wattson:

Do not be fooled by their cute personalities and awesome skins. They are the most devilish mains. Will do the 90's anime laugh in your face as you get electrocuted. Anger them and the last thing you'll see is a finisher. Will put their Tesla in an open field and get it destroyed in seconds. FENCES EVERYWHERE. You'll try to protect them until you see that they've already won a 1v2-3 fight. Will kill in cold blood if you destroy a fence. Disposes your body by finishing you. Actually scary. The personification of ":)".

Wraith:

2 opposite spectrums. Either a noob or a 1000+ veteran. 1000+ veterans think they are privileged to own the best loot. Will voice chat just to complain and diss on your playstyle. Barely a team player and go off on their own just to die and get angry that "you're trash at the game". Very rarely will be cooperative to win a game. Noobs will have no clue and will follow you around like a lost child. T-bag moments. Will have you be the initiator of everything because the other teammate will just follow along too. Average Wraith players are the most chill players and don't say much but do a lot with their actions.

If I fucked up anyone's expectations then I'm sorry. This list is pretty stupid but if anyone else related to this or has anything else to add then put it in tags or messages!

Thanks for reading my opinions and please stay hydrated, unclench your jaw, don't send hate comments, and get some rest!

[allbeendonebefore]

atlas cronus cyclopes helios hermes poseidon titans

Atlas- Favourite myth? 

quatsch called me out and said i like the myth of theseus the best and she's right and i'm sort of but not really ashamed. Every iteration and every retelling of theseus just makes me laugh. I love how stupid he is. I love how the story was used to forcibly insert Athens into the mythological histories of older and more important poleis. I love how the theseus myth was somehow used as propaganda during the persian/peloponnesian wars (I need to re-investigate this) where the city state of athens said "you should take us seriously because of this absolute moron hero"

(i fall short of calling him a himbo, but I can see the argument being made for it if you subscribe to the versions where 1. he was Asked to leave Ariadne on that island and 2. remember that time his wife said straight faced that his son made advances towards her and his first reaction was welp better go kill my son"_ 3. i dont have any explanation for the kidnappings beyond a. they were completely misinformed on helen's age and panicked and b. with persephone and hippolyta i guess they just wanted wives that could destroy them so)

Cronus- Favourite food? 

I said curry last time so maybe i should say something different this time... i did mention i love bread and likewise because of its versatility. I enjoy making bread as much as i do eating it (and i did prior to covid also). Some of my favourite breads to make include naan, rye, and black pepper cheese bread. My favourite bread to eat is sourdough (which I don't have a starter for so I haven't made it yet)

Cyclopes- What’s your favourite joke? 

Another one hmm, let me think.

the one that annoys quatsch the most is the one about the greek guy who ripped his trousers: Euripides, Eumenides! :^)

Helios- Night or day person? 

hard question. I think i am actually a morning person in that I do like being up with the sun but only if I am alone and have nowhere else to be and I'm not being told what to do xD so like once my night classes ended and I could set my alarm earlier I noticed an improvement in my mood - but when I'm at home with the fam it's pointless to be up before my parents who wake up before me no matter what so I can't enjoy those quiet early morning hours unless I yeet myself straight out of the house which I don't like doing.

Traditionally my best creative time was 7pm ish (or so i noticed in high school and undergrad) so I had always thought of myself as a night person but I don't actually like staying up super late and I only like to sleep in once in a while.

Hermes- Do you like travelling? Where is one place you want to travel to? 

tbh travelling stresses me out a lot and I need to be with a person who knows what they're doing. But when the actual travelling part is over and we're just out wandering the hills in northern england or scotland or wherever enjoying nature or on the train watching the countryside go by, it's amazing. I also like having tomodachis with itineraries to show me their hometowns because I don't even have to think about what I want to do I can just follow and enjoy learning about how they see where they're from and be led to tasty food -w-

Poseidon- Do you like to swim? 

yyyes and no i think i answered this recently in another meme but i have mixed feelings about swimming. also apparently i can't figure out floating and need to work on that so i don't drown in the river when i do go swimming ;u;

Titans- If you could go anywhere in time, when would you want to go? 

urghhg i mean part of me is like lets go to ancient greece and make notes for my thesis but part of me is like oh no i'd have to understand ancient greek far better than i do and try not to get in trouble, part of me is like what if.... i just go back to the 90s but as an adult so i can get a more nuanced look at what i was living through at the time because at least i speak the language and have a vague idea of what was happening xD (i think i'd have no problem avoiding interacting with past me lol)

[bestruction]

Congrats on your 100!! You totally deserve it☺️ im very happy for you and im sure that number will grow much more in the the future bc you totally deserve it🤍

I saw the matchups event and i wanted to participate so here i go!! My name is Elena, im a 18 bisexual, with a preference towards guys, Spanish girl with an INFJ personality, im also a Taurus sun, a Taurus ascendant and an Aquarius moon. The three things i like about myself are probably my empathy, my attempt to be kind to others and how quickly i think and three things i do not like are how much I overthink everything, how insecure i am and my stubbornness. My love language is a bit of everything thanks to my mom who is literally a walking love bear, but if i had to say one it would be acts of service, i love taking care of those around me, even professors. My biggest turn on on someone is probably if they are funny, make me laugh and im yours, also i love self confidence and being able to admit your mistakes. I can not stand when those who im talking with are narrowed minded, rude to others or too selfish, i also hate when guys just wanna do the do with you and not try to get to know you. My pronouns are she/her. I love travelling a lot, im a tourism student, but i also enjoy going to museums, walking through big cities, listening to music, watching movies or shows, bowling, doing creative things, learning about history and baking, that makes me feel so relaxed, also i like doing yoga and working ou sometimes. I want a fluff modern au bc i aot universe makes me very sad :(

My perfect would be a picnic, if it includes any form of pasta, cake or a charcuterie board even better, on a nice city park im a summer month, we would play cards games and listen to music while laughing and quoting memes and vines and later on we could take a walk while talking about anything and just enjoying each others company. I would also describe my fashion sense as parisian, my fav disney princess is Merida and my fav show Modern Family.

I hope this is enough!! If not please dm with any questions you have, im always open to chat too, i love talking to knew, nice, people😁 i hope you have an amazing week/month/year and that those followers keep growing, please hydrate yourself and stay safe💖

I ship you with...

Connie Springer

Elena, you are so sweet that I had to choose someone who could respond to all your sweetness at the same time. Because you're a double Taurus, the idea came to me that maybe you are stable in your affective and romantic relationships. So, of course, you would want someone who was also. Connie recognized his mother in the form of a titan, sided with Mikasa and Armin at the Battle of Trost, and in the most recent season showed how much he cares for his friends. He values the bonds he has. That's why I matchup you with him.

You would probably meet at a museum. He would have gone to a college homework and you to look at the works of art. Seeing you paying attention to one of the paintings made him ask what you understood because he couldn't understand anything. He would watch you explain with patience, and it'd leave him speechless. (because from the way you write I got the impression that you are the type of person who can explain something without making the other feel stupid for not knowing). From then on he would ask you about all the works in the museum.

Guess what? He's a Taurus too. This is a great combination, full of sensuality, fidelity, understanding, and affection. Taurus is a sign of the earth element, stable, calm, ruled by Venus, a planet related to love and pleasure. Therefore, the relationship has everything to be quiet, deep, and lasting. He's kinda dense, but when he notices your insecurity he will dedicate his time to worship all of you.

He’s always telling you how much you mean to him. How much you’re beautiful. He's your personal hype man. In all of your photos, there’s a comment of him saying things like “YOU’RE TOO GORGEOUS FOR THIS WORLD” or flirting with like he’s not already your boyfriend. When he sees how much you take care of everybody around you, he feels like he doesn’t deserve you and gets full mad if someone tries to take advance of you.

While you overthink, he tends to be more impulsive, which helps to balance the relationship. If you hyperventilate, he makes you laugh to relax and unwind, and you help him to think and calculate things more seriously when necessary.

He's also a man of acts of service. He's always helping you here and there. Especially since he thinks you tend to care for others so much that you forget about yourself. When you completed 1 year of dating, he took you to a park in the city center. You rode all the toys, and he will deny it to the death, but he was scared to death of the roller coaster. When you two went back to his apartment, he would surprise you with a picnic in the living room illuminated by candlelight. It was not an open field with flowers, but he would have made your favorite dishes (Actually, ordered because he would have set the kitchen on fire trying to cook the noodles).

[delicatelyherdreams]

Pragma(tic) 1: Her Morning Takes a Turn

Pairing: Persephone!Bucky Barnes x Hades!Reader

Summary: In a world where the old gods never truly died, you must learn to navigate your way through the ups and downs of immortality. And if living forever wasn’t hard enough, an ancient evil is now threatening to break free after centuries of silence. And as if that still wasn’t hard enough for you, now a pesky and infuriatingly handsome god is trying to wedge his way into your life. Gods, work, love, and conflict—what more could a goddess need? [Hades & Persephone AU]

Word Count: 6217

Warnings: Language

Pragma(tic) Masterlist

Previous Prologue: The Gods Live

The sun was golden against your skin, filling it with warmth and color you rarely ever got. Birds chirped, filling the air with song, and people chatted warmly all around you. You could hear laughter, squealing, sounds of joy and happiness. It was so different from what you were used to.

You exhaled sharply as you opened your eyes, turning your head on a swivel to observe your surroundings.

The open-aired cafe was nestled in a quaint corner of Olympus. Minor gods occupied the tables around you, some accompanied by nymphs or other sprites, others by children, and others still alone. No matter their social situation, everyone looked happy and content. Small children ran between the tables, playing tag and laughing, while their mothers talked and chatted over brunch. You recognized some of the gods and goddesses around.

Peter, a dryad, was at a table with some of his friends. They were all crowded around a phone and laughing to themselves. They seemed to be watching a funny video. If you had to guess, it was probably a silly trend or meme from the Mortal World.

Hope, the goddess of victory, was chatting with her friend Scott, the god of the home and hearth. Both of them had a sandwich and a cup of coffee straight from the Mortal World in front of them, though the food was almost completely forgotten as they talked to each other, deeply engrossed in their conversation.

Small children, nymphs and naiads, ran between the tables in games of tag, squealing as one was dubbed “it” and began to chase the others. They laughed with childish ecstasy, displaying the joy they had in abundance.

The whole area was just alive and warm. It was so foreign to you, but you had to admit that you didn’t mind it. 

The sound of bickering voices drew you from your observations, and you turned your head to the two women before you.

The blonde, your beloved youngest sister, goddess of the sky and queen of the gods, Carol, was sitting up straight, her shoulders rolled back proudly. She had a smug smile on her face; she was obviously winning the argument—something about a dress she said she was going to wear to the Winter Solstice Gala that was coming up in a few months.

The redhead, your younger sister and goddess of the sea, Natasha, was a little more agitated, though it was a sort of playful frustration. She was hunched over with her eyes narrowed at her sister as she insisted, “Carol, that’s my dress.” 

Carol shook her head, her smile only widening. “No, it’s mine. I bought it from a noble lady in London. I remember it as clear as if it was a century ago.”

Nat arched an eyebrow, her lips curling down in a sour frown. “Are you sure you remember it correctly? I could’ve sworn that I bought that dress a couple centuries ago. No, I know I bought it from Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine in 1160.”

You scrunched up your nose. Twelfth-century English fashion? Definitely not your cup of tea. But you remembered the dress vividly. It was a green thing that really complimented Nat’s eyes and hair but with a style that did not meet your preferences.

Your sisters continued to argue about whose dress it was.

You, meanwhile, watched them with amused eyes, shaking your head as they bickered. Your sisters were always ones to fight constantly, though it was always in good nature. They argued about the silliest things that happened millennia ago—who a goat sacrifice was meant for, who got the sea and who got the sky, who got to be the patron goddess of this city-state or that one—and now, they argued about whose clothes were whose. It was comforting to see that some things never changed over the centuries. Every brunch consistently ended with them bickering over the smallest things. Their sandwiches and mugs of their favorite coffees were long forgotten as they got into it. You’d learned to live with it and just let them duke it out; so long as they didn’t actually kill anyone that is.

But listening to them bicker eventually grew boring and tedious and you’d had enough. You groaned and leaned back in your chair, shrugging off your black blazer which had grown sweltering hot in the sun as you went. Now just in a dark grey tank top, your pleated black pants, and a pair of black flats, you felt much cooler and were ready to end the arguing and your misery. “Come on, both of you,” you called, cutting them off. 

They paused their argument and turned towards you, their gazes questioning and demanding as to why you had interrupted them.

You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes. “Are you kidding me right now? Guys, this is like the only time I can see you for the next month and you want to fight about something stupid and childish?” You grinned at them, your eyes sparkling with a teasing glint. “I wonder why I let you two pretend to be older when you’re so damn immature.”

Carol gasped with mock offense. “You’re only older than us by a decade or two.”

“A decade or two is all it takes, my dear youngest sister. Don’t let the power of your queenship go to your head; I’ll always have sibling superiority over you. And, as the eldest, I say no more bickering.”

“But—”

“It’s Nat’s dress. She did buy it from the queen. There, argument over and you can stop bickering now.”

Nat laughed with an elated “Ha!”

Carol huffed, the breath from her mouth ruffling the hair that framed her face, and gave you an exasperated smile. “Fine, it’s Nat’s. I’ll give it back. We’ll stop bickering. What do you want to talk about since you’re so opposed to hearing our arguing?”

You simply shrugged. Ninety percent of the time you were cool with any topic of conversation, even if it meant listening to their banter, but not today. 

It was one of the few times you dared to venture out of your realm. Being the Queen of the Underworld gave you little to no time to leave. There were always so many things to do and duties to attend to that you rarely made it out for brunch with your sisters on Olympus. Occasions like this were supposed to be a time for you three to catch up, gossip, and bond, not to bicker endlessly about pointless things.

“I’m honestly not sure,” you admitted.

Carol opened her mouth to respond, probably with a snarky remark about how you ought to know what you want to talk about before interrupting an already started conversation, but Natasha beat her to the punch.

“Hey, how’s Mom doing?” she asked, her eyes curious and her posture hunched in to listen. “You saw her last weekend, right? She doing well?”

You nodded, a fond smile pulling at your lips. Out of all your siblings, you were probably the closest to your mother, Rhea. She made a trip downstairs to see you almost every weekend for brunch and to catch up. You’d say she liked coming down so often because it was out of the way and far quieter and calmer than either the Mortal World or Olympus, but you knew it was because she loved your dog. “She’s doing fine.”

Carol leaned forward in her chair, resting her elbows on the table, suddenly very interested in this new topic of conversation. As the youngest of you three, she probably had the least amount of time with your mother. But, then again, she was the only one who didn’t get digested and got to see Mom the most in the early years. “Is she still working in that mortal hospital?” Carol asked.

You nodded. “Still in the labor ward. She’s the ‘best labor and delivery nurse they’ve ever had’ last I heard.”

“Well of course she is. She is the titaness of motherhood and ease, among other things,” Nat remarked. She shook her head. “I just wish she’d spend more time up here rather than with the mortals.”

“You know that some of the gods don’t like her,” you murmured. “She’s a titan. They don’t trust her. She’d rather be among the mortals who don’t know her for who she is and help them out.” You shrugged. “Anyways, Carol, how’re your queenly duties going?” You wanted to change the topic away from your mother. While you loved talking to her, it was always weird talking about her with your sisters. They didn’t know her like you did; they didn’t know her in the beginning.

Carol hummed. “Oh, you know, they’re going fine. I have to deal with people’s shit all day every day. You’d think that we gods, being as old as we are, would’ve already worked out our problems by now. I mean, Wanda and Pietro still bicker about who’s the better archer, Loki still plays rude pranks, I can barely keep the newer gods in line. I swear, once they find out they’re immortal, it’s a shit-show. They take on the most daring dares and wreak havoc on the Mortal World any chance they get. I know they don’t always mean to be a pain in my ass, but it happens. Oh! But did you hear? The Muses are planning a concert. They’ve got music from…”

And that was about the point when you tuned her out. You didn’t always care about what responsibilities came with ruling Olympus, but you did enjoy seeing her getting excited about the things in her life. She might’ve been a queen, but she was still your baby sister. 

As Carol continued to rant and rave about the concert, you failed to notice Natasha sliding her chair closer to you until she was right on top of you.

“So, (y/n).”

You jumped in your seat. She’d snuck up on you, quiet as the gentle sea she ruled over. You glanced sideways at her, your lips curling back in a sneer. You knew that look on her face and you didn’t like it one bit. “Nat… Don’t you even think about it.”

Natasha smirked, her outward expression cool and collected, but her green eyes roaring like waves on a stormy night with devious plans. “Oh? Think about what, my dearest sister?” Her voice was sickly sweet and practically dripping with honey. 

You narrowed your eyes, your heart dropping in your chest as it steeled itself against what was coming. “You look like you’re trying to play matchmaker and thinking about setting me up with someone again,” you spat. “Well my answer is what it’s been for the past two thousand years: no.”

Carol had stopped talking about the Muses and was now looking at you with pitiful and sad eyes. “(y/n)...”

“Don’t ‘(y/n)’ me, Care. I’ve told you time and time again, I’m fine. I don’t need to go out on a date, I don’t need a boyfriend or a girlfriend, I’m perfectly happy alone.” You didn’t need any of the trouble that came with a steady relationship. You’d had your fill of that over the years. Hands running down your body, lips kissing your mouth, flesh pressed against flesh… You shuddered.

“We know,” Nat said as she tried to placate you, “and we admire you for your strength. ‘You’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man’ and all, but we think it might be good for you to go out and try to meet someone. That way you wouldn’t have to be so alone down in the Underworld.”

You frowned. “But I’m not alone down there. I have Cerber—” 

“Cerberus,” they finished in unison.

“We know,” Natasha continued. “But we think you’d benefit from some human contact once in a while. We know you still see Mom, and that Clint and Pierce visit you on their errands, but most of the time… You’re all alone down there and we just think you’d be happier if you had someone. I know I’d have already lost my mind underwater if I didn’t have Bruce to keep me company, and Carol wouldn’t be able to stay sane if Maria wasn’t with her.”

Carol nodded in silent agreement, her eyes pleading. “We just want what’s best for you.”

“What’s best for me?” You could feel small bits of agitation rising up in you as you stared them down. The world began to tint red in your sight.

Natasha bit at her lip as she stared you down. “(y/n),” she said, her voice taut and stiff with caution. “Your eyes.”

You turned towards her. 

Her body was rigid and alert, almost as if she was preparing to defend herself. She only took that stance when something made her nervous.

And that something was you.

You sighed and mumbled, “Sorry,” before closing your eyes and taking a deep breath in through your nose. 

In, out. In, out. In, out.

When you opened your eyes again, the world had returned to its normal color and you were a little calmer. “Sorry,” you mumbled, your head dipping down in a nod. You heaved a sigh and pursed your lips. “Guys, look, I really appreciate you thinking about me and my happiness, but seriously, butt out of my love life. I don't need anybody; I’m perfectly capable of ruling the Underworld on my own.” You shifted in your seat and averted your eyes. “Besides, I don’t think anyone could really handle me right now.” Also, you had the feeling that no one could give you the long-lasting love you craved.

Both your sisters went quiet, their eyes downcast and solemn. 

You couldn’t help but feel bad for telling them off again. You knew that they just wanted what was best for you, but at the same time, you knew yourself better than anyone. You knew you didn’t need to be set up and that, when you were ready, you’d find someone yourself.

You cleared your throat and began to pull your blazer back on. “I should probably get going now,” you said, grabbing a black handbag that was sitting beside your chair and pulling the strap onto your shoulder. “Lots of things to attend to down under. It’s time for the weekly check on Tartarus.” You inhaled sharply and rolled your eyes, hoping to convey a feeling of exasperation to them. You had no intention of letting them know that you were over godly contact and ready to go home to peace and solitude.

Natasha chuckled. “I don’t know why you don’t send Pierce to do it. He’s capable.”

“Yeah, he’s capable, but you know how persuasive our father can be if he gets into somebody’s head. And, although Alexander is a great god of death, I don’t necessarily trust his mental strength against him. It’s just best if I do it. I know his tricks, I know his lies, I know how to resist him.” You gave your sisters a small smile. “Take care, you two. Tell Maria and Bruce I said ‘hi,’ and don’t go burning down the world before our next brunch. The Underworld is full enough; we don’t need any early arrivals.” You stood up and pushed in your chair.

Carol stood up and made quick strides across the table to your side. With one fluid motion, she reached for you, grabbed your wrist, and pulled you into a hug. She held you tight. “We miss you up here, (y/n). Please, don’t be a stranger, and come back more often.”

You hugged her back tightly. “I’ll try. When things start calming down again, I’ll come back.”

“Just make sure it’s before another half-decade has passed!” Nat called from her spot off to the side.

You pulled away from Carol and shot your other sister a teasing glare. “Then tell the Fates to stop throwing me curve balls and fucking up my life!” You slid over to her and hugged her as well. “Don’t forget, you can always come down to see me instead. I know it’s dark and gloomy down there, but I’ve remodeled my house and I think it’s really nice.”

“So you’re out of your gothic phase?”

You could feel your cheeks heat up. “Gods, I thought we agreed to never speak about that again. I liked the architecture!”

“Mhmm, and the black clothes, and the heavy eyeliner,” Carol began to list, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

“Oh, shut up! The castle’s gone. No more gothic. Now it’s more modern. Have you ever seen those American houses where they’re an open concept, all sleek and box-like?”

Both your sisters nodded.

“It’s kinda like that.”

Natasha whistled. “Nice. Is it still black?”

“Of course.” You chuckled. “Could you imagine a bright yellow house in the middle of the Underworld?”

“It does sound ridiculous,” Carol admitted. 

“Exactly. The black is there to stay.” You smiled softly and took a small step away from your family. “I’ll see you both later.”

Carol’s lips twitched up in a sad smile as she brought a hand up to wave at you. “See you soon.”

Natasha simply nodded at you, a tiny smile of her own on her face.

And then you turned your back and walked away from them. You made your way to the cafe’s gate and pushed it open, making your exit.

It was a short walk back to the main road of Olympus. It was easy to know when you’d arrived because street vendors crowded the sides and people filled the streets. Gods, goddesses, nymphs, naiads, satyrs, and all other sorts of creatures bustled around, darting in and out from stall to stall. Families with children stopped to chit chat with each other, couples held hands as they browsed, and singular people shopped with a purpose. Everyone had a smile on their face, everyone was happy. For a normal person, the path would be almost impossible to navigate. 

But not for you.

The second you got within five feet of a nymph or naiad, they stiffened and the hairs on the back of their neck stood up. They sensed the death that surrounded you and instinctively inched away. Their heads were put on a swivel as they searched for the source of their discomfort and, when they saw you, they prickled further and took a step out of your way, clearing your path.

It used to bother you how they’d avoid you like the plague but now you’d come to accept it. You reeked like death; they sensed it; they didn’t like it. You learned almost two thousand years ago to not take it personally. They didn’t hate you, they just hated what you were and what you stood for. Besides, you never had to be stuck in foot traffic. 

You sauntered down the opening in the road, going as quick as you could so as not to disturb them any longer, but not in a rush. Though you knew you weren’t welcome by most of Olympus’ citizens, you quite enjoyed the feeling of the sun on your skin whenever you came. The feeling was alien to you, but it was pleasant enough to make you want to bask in it for as long as possible. 

You made your way up the road, slowly climbing closer and closer to the golden palace of the gods where your youngest sister lived. It was in her front yard where you could safely make your way home without pissing anybody off.

After all, the quickest way back to the Underworld was to have the ground swallow you up. The journey didn’t leave any gaping hole behind you—the ground always closed up after you sank in—but it did leave an Asphodel flower in your stead. 

Carol didn’t mind having the flowers dot the lawn of her palace. Most Olympians hated the sight of them and saw them only as a bad omen, but Carol knew there was nothing really wrong with the flower. The reason they got such a bad reputation was that they were linked to you. 

Asphodel flowers only grew in the Asphodel Meadows in the Underworld. Mortals believed they had a positive role in the Greek afterlife, but not the Olympians. To them, the immortals, anything related to the Underworld was taboo, almost like it was death itself. Things touched by death and the Underworld were considered dangerous and to be avoided at all costs. You learned a long time ago that if you let the ground swallow you up and plant a flower in your place, the area where you left would be avoided for decades even after the flower had died. It caused a lot of inconveniences for the Olympian people, so you just decided to avoid public places and go to your sister’s yard instead. It was cleaner and less of a nuisance for others that way.

You strolled into the palace’s yard, treading down towards the furthermost corner of the area. There, a small garden of Asphodel flowers lays perfectly still and undisturbed. They’d grown to be as tall as your waist and they shuffled as you moved about them. You tried to keep the garden as small as possible so as to not “contaminate” a large area. You stopped in the center of the garden and dug into your pocket. Your skin hit tiny seeds—Asphodel seeds—and you plucked one out before dropping it onto the grass. 

The seed sank into the dirt, disappearing almost immediately, and the ground rumbled beneath you as it began to tear itself apart. It caved in, carving out a tunnel for you to sink into.

You simply crossed your arms, closed your eyes, and rolled your neck to stretch. You’d made this journey so many times that the fall hardly phased you anymore. You remembered doing it the first couple of times and panicking as you fell. Now, it was as easy as taking a step. 

You dropped through layers upon layers of rock, finally breaking out into a chasm. Your feet hit the ground and you bent your knees to absorb the impact, straightening up when you were steady. You rose to your full height and stood tall, gazing down a mountain at the whole of the Underworld.

You’d been deposited right on the front stoop of your mansion. Perched on the top of a small mountain, you could see everything from the front door.

At the far reaches of your kingdom, you could see the place where the Cocytus, the River of Wailing fed into the Acheron, the River of Woe, which stood as the border between the Mortal World and the Underworld. The far bank of the Acheron was crowded with souls waiting for passage over the water and the near bank was organized with lines leading up to and disappearing into the judgment pavilion. From the pavilion, three lines branched out and led to the three sections of the Underworld: the Asphodel Meadows, Elysium, and Tartarus.

The Asphodel Meadows spanned the majority of the large chasm that was your domain. The flowers swayed without a breeze, instead moved by spirits who wandered aimlessly. It was a place for those who had led ordinary lives, not good enough to achieve Elysium, but not evil enough to deserve Tartarus. The Meadows were as calm as calm could be, perfect for walking your dog or lazing around on a rare free day. Billions of spirits resided there, all of them calm, gentle, and ordinary.

Elysium, with its warm atmosphere, beautiful gardens, and elaborate homes sat just off to the side of the Meadows, its entrance near the base of your mountain. Sanctioned off by towering gates and walls, it lay separate from the rest of the Underworld. It was the place where the best of the best lived after death, filled with kind, generous, and beautiful souls. The souls that had been reborn and achieved Elysium three times lived on the Isles of the Blessed which were three little islands that sat in the middle of a lake in the heart of Elysium. You loved walking down the streets in Elysium. Everyone was so friendly and not a soul shied away from you. They had no reason to fear death; after all, they were already dead. Some of the spirits that had been there long enough were friendly enough to invite you for dinner on the occasional evening when they’d catch you patrolling the streets or walking Cerberus. Those were the nights you enjoyed the most. Mrs. Thomas made a fantastic roast chicken. It was truly a good place to be.

And then there was Tartarus; the “pit”. You shuddered just thinking about that place. It was where the evil souls went when they died, a place of torture, punishment, misery, and pain. It was mainly managed by three of your lieutenants known as “the Furies.” When they weren’t pursuing the wicked in the Mortal World, they were overseeing the torture of the worst of the worst deep in the pit. It lay just beyond the main body of your realm, accessible only through a cave that carved a hole in the outermost wall of the chasm that was the Underworld. The Phlegethon, the River of Fire, with its angry red flames that leaped out at anybody who dared get close to it, flowed into the tunnel taking up half of its opening. The river flowed deep until the point when the tunnel opened up to a cave. Dark, sharp stalactites hung from the cave’s ceiling, ready to fall at any second and impale those beneath them. There was a hole in the middle of the ground that seemed endless, but really, it fed into the real Tartarus. The river flowed into the pit, turning into a waterfall as it roared down. It was a long way down, said to be “as far beneath Hades as heaven is above earth” if you read that epic The Iliad from some Greek guy named Homer. It was about a nine days’ fall to reach the bottom of the pit where the souls were tortured and the worst beings were imprisoned.

You’d only been down there once, millennia ago, when you locked up the bastard you called “Father” and his brothers Crius, Iapetus, Coeus, and Hyperion, and you never wanted to go down again. It was nothing but red and angry. The Phlegethon was even more violent down there than it was in the main Underworld as it tore through the terrain. Tartarus itself was like a whole new world. It was seemingly endless, but it only had the one exit. One could get lost and be trapped there for eternity if they weren’t careful.

It was at the far reaches of the pit, farther than any soul or spirit dared to venture, that you imprisoned your father and uncles, binding them with the strongest chains you could make and sealing them with every spell, curse, and enchantment that you could think of. Layer upon layer of protection was placed upon them, making it nearly impossible for them to escape. You separated the five of them and placed them as far apart from each other as you could so that they could not feed on each other’s strength and escape. Your uncles, as formidable of foes as they were, were no threat to you anymore. They’d gone dormant after the first thousand years or so, reserved to their fates; but not your father.

Kronos continued to fight against his restraints, trying every day to escape, spending as much strength as he could muster to fight your barriers against him. Over the centuries he had succeeded in breaking some of them, specifically the old ones you had placed when you’d first imprisoned him. He was always chipping away at them, trying to weaken them enough to break free to exact his revenge on you and your sisters.

But you’d never let that happen. That was one of the reasons you made your weekly ventures to the edge of the pit. From up above, you could cast more spells to strengthen and set more layers on his bindings. Every week you added more and more to his cage, replacing those he broke, rejuvenating those he damaged, and adding new ones as an extra precaution.

Your sisters were fair to wonder why you didn’t let your inferiors or lieutenants take care of this task for you, but you had your reasons.

For the first couple of years that you guarded his prison, you did let some underlings take care of it. Peggy, your second in command, best friend, and the goddess of magic, volunteered to take care of it while you worked to get the Underworld under control and install order. She did a good job of keeping the spells strong and watertight, but she wasn’t infallible.

Your father, the extremely powerful titan that he is, found ways to let his conscience escape and make its way up to the surface. He would get into her head and anyone else who got close and twist their thoughts around, slowly turning them to his side and against the gods.

It took you a decade to notice that Peggy was under his control. You’d had your suspicions that she wasn’t herself, but it was when she tried to pull a knife on you and slit your throat that your suspicions were confirmed. It broke your heart to have Cerberus restrain her while you reached into her head and yanked Kronos out. Her screams still haunt you to this day. 

But from that day on, while Peggy was recovering, it was you that took care of the cage. That was how it should’ve been in the beginning, but you’d let her take on that responsibility for you. Never again would you subject another being to that. You did not know what it was like to have him in your head, but you had an idea of what it was like in his, and you couldn’t bear inflicting that kind of pain again. So, in addition to making frequent check-ups on the men and women who worked for you to make sure there wasn’t any trace of his influence, you took it upon yourself to personally deal with strengthening his prison every week.

Which was what you had to do right now.

With a heavy sigh, you turned back to look at your mansion and whistled.

At once, a crash, bang, thud, and whimper broke the silence and you could see a large black mass barreling at you from inside the house. The hulking figure shot through a wide doggy door just to the side of your front door and charged at you. 

Your entire face lit up with a laugh as Cerberus attacked you, jumping up to place his paws on your chest so he could have easy access to lick your face. Thankfully he was in his small form so there was only one head trying to lovingly maul you. If he had been full-sized, you’d have an issue. 

At his full height, Cerberus was as tall as your mountain in the Underworld, with three large heads that could see almost everything. When he wasn’t around you in his small size, he’d stand at the gates of the Underworld, guarding the borders and making sure that the rogue spirits didn’t escape. He seemed ferocious and scary because he closely resembled a large black wolf with deep red eyes, but he was really a gentle giant and your metaphorical baby.

You lifted your head up to avoid his eager tongue, instead allowing him to attack your neck as your laughter rang out in the still air. “Cerberus! Down, boy! Down! Yes, it’s good to see you too.” Once you’d gotten him calmed down, you crouched so you were at his eye level and scratched him behind the ears. “Who’s a good boy?”

He barked as if to say, “Me! Me! I am!”

You simply grinned at him and leaned forward to press your forehead to his, a common gesture of affection for you with him. “I’ve gotta go make sure Father hasn’t done anything stupid in a week, you wanna come with me?”

As if it was even a question. Cerberus always accompanied you on your trips, acting as a good guard dog to protect you from some of the spirits that dwelled on the pit’s edges—not that you really needed it, you just loved his company.

“Let’s go.” You straightened up and started to walk down the mountain path.

Cerberus kept perfect pace with you. He knew the way almost as well as you did.

Down the mountain and through the Asphodel Meadows. Cross the Meadows to the Phlegethon and follow the river to the mouth of the cave. Then it was a straight shot into the pit where you could cast your spells. Simple, easy, quick.

You knew the way by heart, not even bothering to look up as you went. Asphodel flowers crunched under your flats as you crossed the Meadows and spirits parted for you to get through; not that they needed to, they were just being polite.

You and Cerberus strolled through the Meadows, coming up to the Phlegethon and following it towards Tartarus.

You had to force your feet to walk as you got closer, a sense of unparalleled dread washing over you. Shivers crept down your spine and the hairs on the back of your neck stood on end. Tartarus was always a daunting place, but today it almost seemed… more so. And as soon as you took one step into the entrance, you knew that something was seriously wrong.

You stopped short, your feet planted into the ground. Your stomach dropped and every warning alarm you had was going off in your head. 

Cerberus had frozen, his ears flattened against his head and his lips pulled back in a snarl. His whole body was positioned to pounce at the drop of a hat.

You rolled your shoulders back and narrowed your eyes. The world began to tint red at the edges, the color slowly creeping in to cover your entire vision. With this new sight, you could see deeper into the tunnel where you saw figures writhing closer and closer to the pit. Something was in the cave, something that didn’t belong.

You grit your teeth and nodded your head towards Cerberus. “Go get Aunt Peggy,” you commanded in a low voice.

He didn’t need to be told twice and took off running as soon as the words left your lips.

You didn’t take your eyes off the mouth of the cave as you extended your hand, calling forth into being your weapon: a sleek black bident that was as tall as you were. Forged for you by the cyclopes millennia ago when you first fought your father, your vibranium bident was a formidable weapon. It was a lot like your sister’s trident, but with two prongs instead of three that branched out from the spear at the height of your chin. Your bident was your primary weapon used for fighting. It allowed you to manipulate spirits and channel magic, morph terrain, and wield the energy of the Underworld, among other things. Plus it was good for stabbing. 

You tightened your grip around the bident’s shaft and lifted it off the ground, moving slowly into the cave. Your feet never made a sound as you stepped closer and closer to the writhing mass. As you neared the souls, your fingers began to turn white with how tight you were holding your weapon, raising it to strike at any second. You were prepared to fight off a small militia of evil souls trying to escape, but what you found when you reached them was not a coup preparing to strike. 

No, the souls were, instead, swarming around a figure.

You muscled your way in through the crowd, using your bident to shove the spirits out of the way and dissipate them. You got to the center of their swarm and looked down. But instead of seeing an animal corpse or something of the likes, you saw something far more serious: a man.

The man seemed to be about your physical age, but you could tell almost right away from the aura he radiated that, like you, he was probably much older than he looked. His short dark hair was tousled and matted, no doubt from the spirits grabbing at it, and his clothes—what once seemed to be a pristine white shirt and jeans—were torn with claw marks and black with dirt. His shocking blue eyes stared up at the ceiling of the chasm, full of despair and hopelessness. He’d obviously started to lose hope that he’d ever escape the clutches of evil that held him tight.

You didn’t have much time to register who he was or what he was doing in Tartarus. You were just in shock that this man, this very alive man, had made it into your domain without you knowing. Your grip slackened and you stared down at him, surprise rising up in you with rage boiling up behind it as the only words you could manage to speak were, “Oh fuck.”

Next 2: He Becomes a Trespasser