#to attend their wedding 2.0

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

pleaseee kisses prompts 14, 15, and 33 with patrick zweig 🙏🫠

Sure :D

Prompts: An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it; a kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished; a fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.

Warnings: Fluff; flirty Patrick; fake dating; smooches

Summary: Finding your plus one to a wedding at the last minute on Tinder had been dicey, sure, but you couldn't have anticipated this.

"Would you cut it out?"

"No." Patrick's refusal was muffled as he chowed down on another two mini crab cakes. You glanced around nervously, concerned that anyone you knew might see your plus one shoving every hors d'oeuvre that he could get his hands on into his mouth.

Finding your plus one to a wedding at the last minute on Tinder had been dicey, sure, but you couldn't have anticipated this.

The trade was straightforward: Patrick was your plus one to your friend's wedding, and you let Patrick shower at your place and crash at yours (or cover the cost of a motel for the night—he was cool with either).

But now, you were considering cutting ties early. If Patrick kept this up, then it defeated the whole fricking purpose of having him go with you in the first place. You didn't think that anything could be more embarrassing than showing up to a wedding alone while your ex was attending with his new girlfriend, but the way Patrick was stuffing his face was quickly proving you wrong.

"Seriously," You hissed, leaning in and elbowing him in the side, "You're either gonna choke, or I'm going to choke you."

Patrick grinned as he chewed, dusting off his fingers.

"Okay," He agreed before chasing the swallow with a swig of his beer. "Okay, you're right. I'll slow it down."

"Thank you."

"Need to save room for dinner, anyway. And cake. Are people still doing cake at weddings?"

"Sometimes."

"You think they will?"

"Honestly, they seem more like a dessert bar couple. They'll probably have a little cake for themselves."

"Explains why I haven't seen one." He folded his arms on the high table, glancing around the others mingling at cocktail hour. "Seen the ex yet?"

"No."

"You should've shown me a picture, I could keep an eye out for him, too."

"Better if you don't know what he looks like. Then you can be genuinely surprised if I introduce you."

"You don't trust my acting abilities?"

"With all due respect, you could be Ted Bundy 2.0 for all I know."

"Fake cast and missing puppy story not included."

You smiled in spite of yourself, and Patrick grinned.

"Tell me about yourself," He urged.

"What for?"

"Gotta pass the time somehow—especially if you're going to poo-poo me from the pu pu platter."

"There isn't a pu pu platter in sight."

"Can you just appreciate the joke?"

"It was a fine joke."

"C'mon. I mean, you're funny, you're gorgeous," He raised his hand, waving toward you, "Why does someone like you need to surf Tinder to find a plus one?"

You smiled, looking down at your drink.

"First of all, thank you."

"Anytime."

"Second of all...I don't know, since my ex left me I've been focusing on myself."

"No hoe phase?"

"Hoe—ly shit, you seriously talk to people you don't know like that?" You scoffed.

"I just mean, you know. Sometimes after a breakup, you wanna fuck around a little. Nothing wrong with that. It would explain why you're on Tinder."

"Oh? Is that you're on Tinder?"

"Honestly? No."

"Why, then?"

Patrick shrugged. "I like sex and sometimes I have trouble finding somewhere to sleep."

"How's that working?"

"Better than you'd think."

"Does the sex thing always happen?"

"Not always. I'm happy to crash on a couch."

"Mm."

"Not that I mind it when it happens. Thanks for answering my question, by the way."

"What do you mean?"

"About the hoe phase. You just said 'the sex thing' like it's a creature from the black lagoon."

"I did not—" You began to wind up for the next round of argument, but were cut off by the sound of your name being called. You winced, steeling yourself and urging, "Don't look."

"That the ex?"

"Yes."

"Perfect," Patrick stood up straighter, straightening his jacket. "Showtime."

"You sound way too excited—"

"Hey!" Your ex spoke up behind you, and you slapped a smile on, wheeling around and greeting, "Jeremy, hi!"

"How's it going?" Jeremy began to lean in for a hug, but went still when Patrick curled his arm around your waist. Your stomach flipped at the gesture, keeping your eyes carefully trained on Jeremy's face.

"It's going great, how are you?"

"It's good, it's good."

"Where's Francesca?"

"Oh, she's grabbing a drink."

"Awesome."

"You want another one, baby?"

Patrick's question threw you for a loop for a second, but you shook your head, smiling.

"I'm good, hon, but thanks."

"I don't think we've—met?" Jeremy's voice tipped up, and you had to fight off a laugh.

"I don't think you have. Jeremy, this is Patrick."

"Hi."

You watched Jeremy hold his hand out to shake, but Patrick just tightened his grip on your hip, drawing you a little closer as he offered, "Nice to meet you."

Jeremy's smile faltered as he drew his hand back, tucking it into his pocket.

"You two been together long?"

"Oh, gosh, a few months," You flubbed.

"How'd you, uh—How'd you meet?"

"At a match. I'm a tennis player."

"Oh! You any good?" Jeremy asked.

"He's the best," You answered without missing a beat.

Patrick chuckled softly, nose nudging against your cheek. "You're gonna make me blush, sweetie."

"Good," You smiled at him. A thrill shot through you as Patrick's eyes dipped to your mouth, and before you knew it, he was leaning in for a gentle kiss. You let your eyes slip closed, your lips working tenderly against his. Patrick's hand slid from your hip, sliding lower and palming your ass. You drew back, giving Patrick a warning look before turning to look at Jeremy again as he cleared his throat.

"I should go find Francesca."

"Sure! It was great seeing you."

"You, too—and nice meeting you, Patrick."

"Charmed," Patrick cooed. The two of you watched him turn, disappearing into the crowd.

"...That was good, right?"

"Yeah, it was good...Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

"Get your hand off of my ass."

"Sure." He gave it a pat before turning back to the table, eyeing a passing server's tray. "Is that shrimp cocktail?"

--

"That wasn't so bad."

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Little bit of both." Patrick leaned against your front hall wall. You took him in for a moment, taking in his loose tie, and his jacket where he was holding it over his shoulder.

"I think we were very convincing, so," You tipped your head from side to side. "You're right. It wasn't so bad. Thank you."

"Hey, sure. You can just venmo me."

"What?"

"For the motel."

"Oh! Oh, of course." You fished into your purse for your phone, biting your lip. To be honest, you'd been rethinking that particular part of the plan all evening. You hated to admit it, but Patrick was gorgeous, and had been so goddamn charming. He'd been funny, had made conversation with the other guests at your table, and he'd been perfectly affectionate—kisses on the cheek, the lips; a hand on your back, your waist. A time or two, he'd gazed into your eyes in a way that had felt so sincere and...Real.

Sure, he'd driven you nuts at the beginning of the evening, but he had grown on you.

"Um," You spoke up. "I was, uh...I was thinking."

"What about?"

"About the sex...Thing." You glanced nervously toward Patrick just in time to see his expression melt into flirty intrigue.

"Oh yeah?" He goaded. "What about it?"

You couldn't just come out and say it, right? You set your phone down on the counter and strode toward Patrick before you could talk yourself out of it. You grasped his rough cheeks, drawing him in for a kiss. He went without hesitation, dropping his jacket and curling his arms around you. You groaned softly, sliding a hand up into his hair and letting him steer you back against the wall. You parted your lips as Patrick's tongue probed them gently, his leg slotting between yours and rocking it back and forth.

You rolled your hips down against it, whining softly against his lips as his hands skimmed over your body. Patrick began to draw away, but you leaned up, catching hold of his lower lip with your teeth and giving it a rough bite. His hips jolted against yours, groaning low in his throat as you soothingly slipped your tongue along the skin.

"Do you still want me to Venmo you?" You asked.

"Not really. You still want me to crash on the couch?"

You hummed, pretending to contemplate before you let your hand slide from his curls to his neck.

"How about we start on the couch."

[hp-hcs]

i love seeing lorenzo zurzolo in photo shoots and stuff because like babygirl what are you wearing

examples & silly goofy commentary below the cut!

(forewarning: i am a gay trans man who is absolutely going to fanboy over this man. if you have a problem with that, then scroll right on by)

1) douchey newsboy

why is he dressed like a gay businessman

2) yeehaw 🤠

…save a horse, ride a cowboy?

3) las vegas-core

are you about to serenade me with a cover of “feeling good” by michael bublé, sir?

4) queer-core 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

dressed like a trans guy invited to a homophobe’s wedding. next.

5) teddy bear emu hybrid 🧸

who let you out of the house

6) soundcloud rapper’s debut album cover

homeboy boutta start spittin verses

7) britney spears circa 2003

flight attendant. need i say more?

8) me playing dress up in my dad’s suits circa 2009

not the one cuffed sleeve 😭😭

9) …

smash.

10) is that seriously blue fucking adidas corduroy

what the fuck

11) a wild gay at brunch

this is just how i dress on the regular. i can’t say anything without it being a self burn.

12) pov: colonizer

girl what are you doing you european ass motherfucker

13) gay

gay.

14) … 2.0

smash.

15) can we please acknowledge the artwork of two cops kissing

okay i like the shirt but anyone who puts their keys on their belt loop automatically reminds me of every high school sophomore ever

16) 🎶SuDdEnLy SeYmOuR🎵

neville longbottom-core

17) pleasefallpleasefallpleasefall

if i saw this out in the wild, i absolutely would wish for him to fall i’m sorry 😭

18) gay 2.0

smash

19) me getting back to my dorm after a lecture:

i love the divorced dad button up ngl

[dreadfutures]

Bloodied and Broken Reading Order

Inquisitor Lavellan gets a second chance to find hope for herself and for Thedas.

Ixchel became Inquisitor at only sixteen and suffered greatly under the yoke of responsibilities and expectations. Her only comfort was the family she made in the Inquisition—a family that dissolved after Corypheus's defeat. After the revelations of the Exalted Council, her despair and loneliness get the better of her, and she ends her life. A desperate ally uses the end of the world to resurrect her and send her back in time. She is determined to save the world or die trying this time. She doesn't expect to find true hope, and true love, along the way. 👉 TOO LONG, DIDN'T READ? A summary of Ixchel's whole story.

Every Fic Reading Order

Required reading denoted by a star: ⭐

[0.0] Lead Her through the Darkness - [WarpedLegacy] | Oneshot | A nameless feral child discovers a beautiful shape on a ruined wall, and the Hero of Ferelden gives her a name. Gift by BECAndCall/warpedlegacy.

[1.0] Two Handed | Incomplete | Ixchel, at 16, becomes Herald and everything goes downhill from there. Abandoned at the moment. Not required reading.

[1.1] Ruined Empires and Dust | Drabbles | Stories of Ixchel and Solas during and after her first Inquisition. Not required reading.

[1.2] The Vallaslin | Oneshot | During her first Inquisition, Ixchel is offered vallaslin as honor for her deeds. Solas warns her about their true meaning, but they mean something else to her. Not required reading.

[1.3] The Hope of Fen'Harel | Oneshot | Ixchel's Trespasser confrontation with Solas. They were never lovers, but she is still his heart. Not required reading.

[2.0] Dead Pasts and Dread Futures | Complete - Part of Series | Ixchel dies and is resurrected, forced to go back to the Inquisition's beginning and stop Solas. She struggles with what she thinks is a futile mission to sway Solas from the din'an'shiral, and she grapples with mental illness that never went away. Time travel fix-it, diverges from canon after Wicked Eyes Wicked Hearts/ Here Lies the Abyss. REQUIRED ⭐

[2.1] Fade to Blue | Oneshot | A Solavellan smut scene from Dead Pasts Dread Futures that I expanded on and posted separately. Not required reading.

[3.0] The Brave Guide | Ongoing - Part of Series | Ixchel grapples with the power she's accumulated and the consequences of her policies as Inquisitor. She works closely with Mahariel to explore the nature of racial and class politics, and the nature of the Blight. REQUIRED ⭐

[4.0] Part Three TBD | Unreleased | After Ixchel says goodbye to Solas in Serault, she undertakes The Descent - and her final confrontation with Corypheus.

[5.0] Part Four TBD | Unreleased | After Ixchel steps down as Inquisitor.

[5.8] the road seems too wild for mixing it with blues | Oneshot | Sometime in the future, Ixchel and Solas travel to Cumberland as tourists, unknown and unbothered by the world, and enjoy a slice of life in the city. Not required reading.

[5.9] The Day the Dread Wolf Wed the Brave Guide - [ExaltedDawn] | Incomplete | After Corypheus's defeat and Ixchel's retirement, she attends the Arlathvhen with Solas and receives a non-traditional bonding ceremony led by a Dalish friend, Talenna Ethera.

[6.0] it ends, or it doesn't | Multichapter, Complete | At the Arlathvhen, while Ixchel is getting married, Felassan discovers a conspiracy against her. He, Merrill, and two other Dalish characters, investigate a nearby ruin and reflect on the meaning assigned to the past, and the decisions that will decide their futures. Not required reading.

[dingochef]

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x You (OFC)

Warnings: Swearing, Smut (MDNI 18+ Only), Stalking, P in V, oral (female and male receiving), Semi-public sex, light spanking, light bondage, blindfolds

Summary: Even though you should be the belle of the Annual Top Gun Navy Ball, you're more of a brat and Jake enjoys every minute of the teasing and the consequences later.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 12

Word Count: 5.5k

Chapter 13: Belle or Brat?

Your Hallmark movie of a Thanksgiving trip to meet Jake's family ends Saturday at the Austin airport. Tom and Sharon have driven you and Jake to the airport and are giving you hugs and goodbyes on the curb.

Sharon is beaming when she goes to give you a hug,

"It has been so good to get to know you. I couldn't be happier that you and Jake found each other. We'll see you guys sooner than later. Take care, Elsa."

"Sharon, thank you for the wonderful time and being so welcoming. It was honestly one of the best holidays I've had in a long time."

Tom gives you a hug and you overhear Sharon talking to Jake as she hugs him goodbye.

"Love you, Jakey. Hold on to her," Sharon tells Jake.

"Love you too. I will, Mom. Don't worry."

The flight is uneventful and soon the plane is starting the intense descent into San Diego. You grab an Uber and head home, breathing in a sigh of relief as you unlocking your front door and step inside.

"Home sweet home," you say walking in. You look through the mail and think of the upcoming week. Nothing too insane for work and then the Navy Ball for the Top Gun team and a few other departments at North Island this coming Saturday.

When you and Jake had discussed it a few months ago you were unfamiliar with the concept of military ball.

"Have you ever been to one before?" you asked Jake.

"Yes, they're pretty standard throughout the Navy. I've never brought a date though. Seemed like a lot to ask someone I was only casual with. So, I'm excited to have you on my arm with me at this one."

"What am I supposed to wear?"

"Probably a fancy dress, evening gown thingy?"

You laughed,

"Very helpful."

"Cyclone said his wife would be available to take you and Lydia to a dress shop that's pretty good for these types of things."

"That'd be helpful, does Mrs. Cyclone have a name?"

Jake laughed and flipped through his phone,

"Maddie Simpson, I sent you her contact info."

–

The week before the ball flows along as expected, work is busy but not too much. The schematics for Darkstar 2.0 are getting finalized. Lydia and you meet Friday after work for pedicures and manicures to get all dolled up for the ball tomorrow. You select a light pink for your toes and a golden beige for your nails, keeping it subtle. You and Lydia chat and exchange info on what to expect tomorrow.

"Rooster said to be prepared for a whole bunch of speeches, so his advice was to hold off your bathroom break till the middle of those," Lydia reports.

"Jake mentioned there's a receiving line where we get to meet all the big wigs," you offer up your bit of intel.

"It sounds like a prom mashed with a wedding."

"Well, it sounds like this won't be the only one we attend."

She gets a dreamy look on her face, "Yeah, I think these guys are sticking around. Who'd of thought, me going after some random guy I thought was hot at the bar for a quick fuck would have ended us up here?"

"I'll salute your sluttiness, it paid off this time, you laugh and stick your tongue out at Lydia letting her know you're joking. You continue,

"You realize we're going to have to come up with some fake story to tell our kids of how we met their dads till they're old enough. Something about your Aunt Lydia thought your Uncle was hot and was curious of how big his cock was and then your mom completely humiliated your dad in front of his friends. Then they went to a baseball game and fell in love. I don't think that's going to be kid appropriate for a looong time."

Lydia is cracking up.

"How about we say we all met at a church picnic?!"

"Let's go with that."

"So you thinking the whole deal with Hangman? Marriage and kids?"

"I know we're on the marriage train, I asked him when we made all this official if that's where we were headed. Kids are more of a question mark. The way he was with his nieces in Texas was so freaking adorable. It was easy to imagine him as a dad and for like the first time ever I felt my biological clock. Like I felt I needed to give him babies."

Lydia is half laughing and half in shock.

"You are in deep, you'd be good parents."

"You and Rooster?"

She pauses,

"I think he's going to propose. Rooster's been a little weird lately. I keep walking in on him writing something and muttering something like 'That's not it'. And he's been a little cagey like he's planning something."

"Is it a problem if he proposes?"

"I don't think so. It does feel a little soon."

"Would you say yes?"

"Yes, of course I would."

"Then don't worry about it."

"You're right."

At that moment your nail technicians let you know you're done. You walk out doing your best to keep your nails smudge free. Waving your goodbyes to Lydia you promise to see her tomorrow at the ball.

Jake and you have a quiet evening in and an easy Saturday morning, not doing too much knowing you have a big event tonight.

The cocktail hour starts at 5 pm so you're ready by 4:30 and walk out to meet Jake in the living room. He is sitting on the couch fiddling with his phone and he stands up when he hears you on the wood floor. You are treated to a look of surprise and utter adoration from Jake.

"Oh El, you look gorgeous," he declares and

You do a little twirl around showing him the full look.

Your dress is a dark navy one shoulder style mermaid style dress with a plunging back and strap across the back to hold it together. There is a slit down the side to help with movement. When you were picking out dresses with Lydia and Maddie Simpson this one stood out to you for the bare back. It was easy to imagine the feel of Jake's hand on your back.

He walks around the couch, eyeing you from head to toe.

"God, I'm not sure we're gonna make it there, you look so good."

He also looks extremely good in his dress uniform. It's his most formal one with a dinner jacket with tails, bowtie, and cumberbund. You hold back the girlish sigh on your lips on how unbelievably handsome he is.

"You keep your hands to yourself mister, this took a lot of work."

"Fine, fine, I'll take you out and show you off," he stands behind you and leans in as he brushes his hand up your back,

"I'll just have to wait to have my way with you, I can tell the way you're eyeing me you've got ideas too."

You let out a traitorous sigh,

"Maybe, but we should get going." Jake just chuckles and kisses your temple.

When you arrive you pick up a name tag at a table near the entrance that says, "Dr. Elsa Matthews, PhD, PE, Guest of Lieutenant Jake Seresin."

"Jake, you didn't have to put titles on my name tag," you chide him. He laughs,

"It's not to boost your ego, it's a tactical move to annoy one of my coworkers, Jenkins. He's convinced that there isn't a woman smart enough to have a PhD in aerospace engineering so I thought I'd pump up your credentials to mess with him."

"How mature," you respond. You make your way to the bar, get a drink, and prepare to mingle.

Jake sees Rooster and Lydia first, "Look there's Rooster and Lydia. Let's grab a table with them while we can."

You make your way over to Rooster and Lydia and greet them on the side of the giant room.

"Lydia, Rooster, you guys look great," you say giving them each a hug. Rooster gives the compliment back, at least to you,

"Elsa, you look stunning. Hangman, you look adequate."

Jake just laughs,

"I'm wearing the same thing you are, but I make this look good. I'd give you a solid C+."

Rooster opens his mouth to send another volley, but Lydia stops him,

"Let's grab a table so we can make sure we all sit together. I need Elsa as my emotional support animal to get through this."

You snag a table near the back and on the edge.

"Strategic," you say, "Makes bathroom breaks more subtle."

Jake leans in so only you can hear, "Or sneaking off to do other things." He winks as he leans out to join the conversation.

Rooster looks over your head and groans a little,

"Here comes Jenkins."

"The one who doesn't think women can be engineers?" you ask Jake.

"Yup."

A guy with black hair in a buzz cut and a pudgy face with a scraggly mustache appears with his date, a petite blond that looks like she could get blown away in a stiff wind.

"Hangman, so this is the infamous girlfriend, Elsa. I'm Paul" he says, grabbing your hand and kissing it in greeting,

"Enchanté."

You're shocked he would do that in front of his date/ girlfriend. Jake is rolling his eyes at the over the top gesture.

"Nice to meet you, Paul," you turn to his date, "and you too."

She responds,

"Sarah, his sister."

You feel slightly better that he's not a total sleazeball.

"Sarah, these are my coworkers, Hangman and Rooster. This is supposedly Hangman's smarty pants girlfriend," he leans uncomfortably close to your chest to read your name tag out loud verbatim,

"Dr. Elsa Matthews, PhD, PE."

Sarah and you nod at each other.

"What's the PE for?" Jenkins asks.

"Licensed Professional Engineer."

"So basically a nerd license?"

Jenkins laughs jarringly like a hyena looking around the group to see if anybody else is laughing. No one is.

"Yeah, something like that. So, Sarah, do you live in the area or are you visiting?" you ask, trying to divert the conversation to something more interesting. Jenkins isn't having it,

"Alright, if you're actually a doctor in aerospace engineering, tell me something smart."

"I didn't think this was going to turn into a job interview. You could just look at my LinkedIn page if you want to know all my professional accomplishments."

Jake smirks as he watches. Jenkins doesn't give up,

"Naw naw, Doc. Say something smart."

"Will telling you I have three parents for hypersonic aviation modular life support systems, out of a total of 22 patents, shut you up?"

Jake and Rooster are smiling into their drinks watching the conversation. You can tell they aren't particularly fond of Jenkins.

"Okay, okay, I get it. You don't have to be a show off. If you're so smart then why are you with Hangman? I'm on the market, baby."

Jake has snorted his beer through his nose and is coughing, Rooster pats him on the back. Rooster and Lydia are waiting for your next verbal volley like they're watching a tennis match.

"It's because he has a giant cock. Do I need to describe that in great detail so you understand, too?"

You respond with an accompanying hand gesture, slowly, like you're talking to a child, a particularly slow child with a bad mustache. Sarah hides a smile at her idiot brother. Rooster coughs into drink.

Jenkins barks out his hyena laugh,

"I like this one, Seresin!"

Sarah grabs her brother's shoulder and urges him to walk away. He looks over his shoulder as he turns,

"Hey baby, if you find you get bored with the Hangman and want to hang out with a hung man," he gestures obscenely to his crotch, making you gag a little,

"Give me a call, sweet cheeks."

Rooster calls out to Sarah,

"I'd keep him away from the bar for the rest of the night, just a word of advice."

You look at Jake,

"What the hell is wrong with him? And please tell me he doesn't fly a plane."

"Multiple things, probably dropped on his head as a child, many, many times," Jake responds,

"And no, thank God, he is not a pilot. He's in charge of aircraft parts, so a glorified inventory clerk."

"Please tell me that's your weirdest coworker," you plead with Jake and Rooster.

"Yes, everybody else is pretty normal." Jake answers.

You lean over to Jake,

"I'm not going to get you in trouble for that big cock comment, am I?"

Jake looks at you,

"Don't worry about it, the higher ups don't believe anything he says. I would probably recommend not saying that to Cyclone, it might be a bit of a weird conversation starter."

You laugh, the tension easing.

You and Jake circulate around and meet more of Jake's coworkers and the rest are pleasant and not obnoxious jackasses.

Soon dinner is served and the speeches start up. They feel a lot like corporate speeches but with more patriotism sprinkled in. You are definitely bored by the end of the first one. Maybe it is the champagne on an empty stomach, but you decide to mess with Jake a little bit. You slip your heel off and nudge Jake's pant leg with your foot making contact with the skin under the fabric. Jake's eyebrow raises and he gives you a slight smile as he realizes what you are doing. After a few minutes you put it back in your shoe.

At the next applause break, you pretend to fiddle with your earring and pop it off into your hand.

"Oh no, I think I just lost my earring," you say loud enough to catch Jake's attention,

"I think it fell off that way."

You point towards Jake's feet. You lean over to peek under the tablecloth and as you do you cup Jake's crotch. You know the view of your actions is obscured by the tablecloth and your body. You're rewarded with a quick breath in from Jake.

You emerge from the tablecloth holding your earring, stating,

"Found it," as you put it back on. Jake is staring at you more pointedly now, eyebrow raised in question.

You lean to whisper so only he can hear,

"I'll stop if you say stop. I won't do anything that would embarrass you, just want to rile you up for later."

You pull back to see his response and he leans back in to whisper into your ear.

"Just know you'll face the consequences later," he smirks.

It's your turn to get a little flush and give him a knowing smile. Another speech starts and you keep your hands to yourself for the entirety of the speech. At the end, you use the moment to excuse yourself to the bathroom. When you're in the stall you slide off the lacy thong you chose for tonight and ball it up in your hand. As you sit back down you sneak the underwear in Jake's pants pocket. His hand goes to investigate and the moment he recognizes that it is lacy fabric and his jaw clenches ever so slightly. He looks at you eyebrows raised and the corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement.

The room darkens for a video on a screen up front. You use the opportunity to slide Jake's hand to the slit on your dress, that is conveniently on the side nearest him. You place your napkin over his hand to obscure the scene. His hand is on your skin and ever so slowly creeping around to your inner thigh, trying to flex his fingers up towards your pussy. The video ends and he discreetly pulls his hand back to clap, making eye contact with you the whole time.

The speeches are over and they announce that the dance floor is open. Jake stands up and extends his hand, "May I have this dance, El?"

The music is classical and you recognize it as a waltz. You're surprised when we get to the dance floor and Jake leads you in a perfect waltz.

"Should I add ballroom dancing to your list of many hidden talents?" you ask Jake as he gives you a twirl.

"Yes, among others. My mom insisted we learn to dance the classics. And how are you so well informed on ballroom dance techniques?"

"My mom made me go to cotillion. I remember all the dances and how to set a 36 inch place setting."

"What a useful skill in this day and age," he laughs.

After a few more classical dances, the music has changed to more contemporary pop and rock and roll making the dancing more informal. Lydia and Rooster make their way to you on the dance floor. The lighting has changed and the room is darker and by the DJ stand there are colored lights that change with the beat of the music. It feels like a high school prom with some of the music choices, and you have fun trying out cheesy moves mostly to make everyone else laugh.

The song switches to a song you recognize, Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight. Jake places one hand on your back on the bare skin and takes your hand in the other. You place your free hand on his shoulder and start to sway in time with the music. Jake is singing along just loud enough for you to hear and his deep voice reverberates through his chest against yours. You wonder if you can fall even more in love with him the way he's looking at you when the song ends.

Borrowing a lyric from the song, you say,

"It's time to go home now."

He laughs at your choice of words and lowers his head to tell you,

"Someone also needs to face the consequences of her actions, like putting her panties in my pocket so I know you're bare and there'd be nothing in my way."

You swallow hard and just dumbly nod, no coherent thoughts forming, Jake sees the look on your face and just smirks. You make our goodbyes to Lydia and Rooster and head out to the car.

You are barely buckled in when Jake's hand finds the slit in your dress. Pushing his hand up toward your pussy, he extends his fingers and just gently parts the folds around your clit, and then suddenly retreats his hand. You whine at the loss of contact.

"Does someone not like getting teased?" he laughs.

He leans over the console and puts a hand behind your head to catch your lips and mouth in a deep kiss that you feel all the way to your toes. He pulls back and starts the car, leaving you breathless and needy.

"El, you're lucky this is a stick or you'd be getting a lot more teasing on the drive home."

You are never happier that you live only 10 minutes from the base. Jake drives you home in what feels like a deliberately slower manner. You finally break,

"Jake, I need you inside me as soon as possible."

"Ooh, you are hot and ready to go. This'll make what I have planned for you even better."

"What do you have planned, besides fucking me the instant we get inside the door?"

"Oh, so much more, sweetheart. Just you wait."

Mercifully, you arrive home. You feel like you are sprinting to get the door unlocked and Jake is taking his sweet time getting to the porch. You step inside and Jake follows. He pulls you back to his chest and starts to kiss a line down your neck. Jake guides you to the bedroom and unzips your dress leaving you completely naked. He pushes you onto the bed so you are sitting on the edge.

"You were a wretched little tease tonight," he grabs your chin and tilts it up to look at him, "I've been thinking of all the ways I could have you when we got back here."

His thumb rubs across your lower lip and you take it into your mouth and suck on it earning a low groan from him.

"Teases need to learn some lessons in patience," he purrs as his hand slides down to cup your breasts and pinch your nipple, ripping a ragged moan from you.

"Lay down and wait, I'll be right back," he looks at you and says with deadly seriousness, "Do not touch yourself. understand me?"

You nod in agreement. He leaves the room and you slip off your heels and lay down on the top of your bed.

He returns holding a small bowl and the belt from your silk robe. He puts the small bowl on the dresser and kneels next to the bed.

"El, I'm going to tie you to the bed and blindfold you. Are you okay with that?" He is searching your eyes for any hesitancy.

"I'm very okay with that," you practically purr.

He breaks into the panty dropper smile and says,

"Good, we can stop this at any time, just say red light."

He is referencing the system you agreed upon for communicating in bed.

"Sounds good, green light."

He lifts your hands up above your head and the cool softness of the silk robe belt encircling your wrists and the fabric tightens as he ties it to the headboard. You flex your arms and find that you can't move them far. Jake is now standing next to the bed staring at you. He has pulled his dinner jacket off and thrown it over the back of the armchair in the corner, the medals clinking as it lands. Next he pulls off the cumberbund and sends it over to join the jacket. He unties his bow tie, throwing it down to the bed next to you and unbuttons the top few buttons of his shirt. His next move is classically sexy and makes you press your thighs together to get some kind of friction. He pulls his cufflinks out and puts them on top of the dresser next to him and then he methodically rolls his sleeves up revealing his tanned and muscular forearms.

"Enjoying the show, El?" he laughs.

"Very much," you breathe more than speak.

"Good," he says as he sits down on the bed taking the bow tie in his hand and he ties it gently around your head pulling the fabric to cover your eyes.

You take a deep breath and relax into the bed.

"Good, El?"

"Very good, Jake."

The first thing you feel is Jake's hands sweeping up your legs and just skimming the inside of your thighs short circuiting your brain. You try to thrust your pelvis towards his hands and he evades your motions and continues up your body. You whine out a little pout. Jake just laughs. His hands move along to cup your breasts, just pinching at the nipple to a firm point before he leans down to kiss them. He pulls back and you are lost without any contact from him.

The bed dips around your waist and the crisp fabric of his dress pants stretches across your thighs as he straddles you. You are unsure what his next move will be until the cool metal of his dog tags fall on your chest, eliciting a squeak from you. He huffs out a little laugh.

Jake leans down and holds his lips just above yours, the heat from his mouth apparent on your lips as he talks,

"Sweet, sweet, El. Who knew you were such cock tease and so naughty."

He traces a finger down your cheek and across your lips as he talks. You try to lift your head to kiss his lips and he pulls away before you make contact. Your head falls to the bed in defeat and then Jake is kissing you hard, tongue invading your mouth. He pulls away and you lift your head to chase his lips for more, earning another soft and teasing laugh from him.

Jaken kisses a line down your jaw and neck, continuing his path down your chest and finally settling his lips just under your left breast. The feeling from his lips intensifies and he sucks a bruise there, the slight pain from the blood vessels breaking blissfully radiating out. You're so tightly wound that anything, any feeling, pain or pleasure, soothes you. You moan loudly at that thought. He pulls off and gently kisses the sensitive area.

Ghosting his lips down your stomach he swerves at the last second avoiding your very wet and very needy pussy. You whine out in frustration, and plead to him,

"That's where I need it, please, Jake."

"Are we frustrated, El?"

"Yes, please, please touch me. Anything." you plead, sounding a bit desperate.

"It's okay, El. I'll take care of you," Jake coos reassuringly. The bed springs up and the weight of Jake is gone leaving you a little unmoored. Sounds you can't identify filter over from the far side of the room and suddenly you are overwhelmed by a cold burst of wetness on your nipples, they pebble and firm up instantly. An undignified yelp escapes your mouth with a

"What was that?"

"Ice," Jake laughs as he settles in the bed, and you can practically hear his smirk. He resumes his position over you and his cold lips trail down your torso and engulf your clit with no warning. You respond by squealing a mix of pleasure and pain and lifting your hips as far off the bed as possible, unsure if you want to retreat or want more.

"You are so much fun to tease. So responsive and sensitive," Jake says as he pulls back.

"Not fair, I need you, Jake," you respond, emphasizing the word need. He returns his cold mouth to your clit and begins to lick it fast and hard. Two fingers into you without any resistance and join his tongue in his fast rhythm. It doesn't take long for his mouth to warm up and push you to the edge of climax.

You are a moaning mess, and all you can sob out is,

"So close, so close, don't stop."

He pulls his face back and keeps his fingers in you at the same intense pace.

"You don't get to come till I let you, El."

If it was possible that statement would have made you even wetter. It's not helping how turned on you are. He plants his mouth hard on your clit and keeps licking.

"Please, can I come?"

Your begging question fills the air. "Please?" You ask again. You are so close that you know Jake can feel your walls fluttering around his fingers. Every second you're kept waiting is an exquisite mix of overwhelming bliss and the pain of almost coming.

Abruptly Jake pulls back everything. His mouth and hands are gone and your hips lift to chase him.

"What the fuck, Jake?"

You try to sound more indignant than needy. He just laughs as an answer. The bed shifts as Jake stands up. The sound of his clothes hitting the floor is followed by the ties at your wrists being undone.

The bed dips and Jake flips you over with the ease that only he can achieve. You are still blindfolded and unsure of his next move. He grips your hips and pulls your ass up as he gently pushes your head down to the bed. Your knees are being pushed apart with his knee and his hard cock brushes against your thighs enticingly. He is so achingly close to tight where you need him.

Finally, he takes pity on you and runs the head of his cock through your glistening folds.

"You ready, El?" he asks, still teasing your slit.

You practically shout,

"Yes, please fuck me, please."

"So needy, the tease doesn't like to be teased?"

He is laughing as he kisses down your spine.

You reach a hand back to try and touch yourself for some relief and you are treated to a stinging slap on your ass. You bite your lip to keep the moan it pulls out of you in, not wanting to give Jake the satisfaction right now, not when he's teasing you so mercilessly.

"Do I have to tie you up again? You'll come when I tell you, El."

Your whine in response is pure lust and absolute need,

"No, sir. Please fuck me, I need you."

He obliges and plunges in without any more warning or teasing. You almost come before he has bottomed out. With how hard you're gripping the comforter in your hands holding 9ff your orgasm, you're slightly afraid you're going to rip holes in the fabric, not that any part of your brain can be bothered to care. Each of Jake's thrusts pulls out a moan that sounds more like of a sob of relief than of pleasure. Jake pulls all the way back out and for a second you are lost. He pushes back in and starts to fuck you slowly. You try to speed up his thrusts by pushing back your body.

He laughs and grips your hips hard to still you, the thought that he might leave bruises makes you clench around him,

"Remember, who's in charge here?"

You don't respond and feel another harsh slap on the other cheek of your ass. This time you can't help the moan and accompanying clench of your pussy on his cock.

"Answer me, El."

"You are, Lieutenant," is all you can choke out, your need to come overwhelming you. The word triggers something in Jake and he is now fucking you at a relentless pace. His body is starting to tense, a sign he is getting close to the edge; he mercifully slips his hand down to touch your clit. You are right back at that edge of ecstasy within seconds and you hear yourself begging again,

"Please, can I come? Lieutenant? Please?"

His body stutters and you know he is close. Through gritted teeth, he says,

"Come around my cock baby, I want to feel how much you need it."

That is all the encouragement you need. You shatter around him clenching hard. The orgasm is so overwhelming that if you hadn't had the blindfold on still the room would have grayed out.

Your head thunks down to the soft mattress as the pleasure rolls over you, Jake thrusts a few more times to chase his release, his hands gripping at your hips hard to keep you from moving up the bed.

"Fuck, El, gonna come, gonna fill you up," he grits out. You are still in the throes of your climax that you are almost too out of it to say anything.

"Please, Jake, give it to me. I've been good, please," you rasp. He comes with a mighty roar and bends down, his chest against your back as he catches his breath, one hand planted on the bed to support his weight, the other rubbing soothing circles on your side.

He reaches down to your shoulder and pulls you up to his chest tilting your head to kiss you sweetly, a contrast to the intensity of a few minutes ago. Jake pulls the blindfold off and slowly pulls out of you. He gently lowers you to the bed and lays down next to you pulling you into his arms. Your head settles on his chest as you both come down from your mutual high. After a few minutes Jake kisses your forehead tenderly.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes, way better than okay, in fact great," you respond. He laughs at your effusive gushing and his lips are on your forehead again. You roll over to your stomach so you can see his face.

"That's definitely been a fantasy of mine, never really trusted anyone enough to let go of that control," you tell him as you trace idle circles on his chest with your index finger.

"I remembered from one of your trips to Bakersfield. Did it live up to your expectations?" he asks.

"Not that this is a Yelp review or anything, but 5/5 greatly exceeded my expectations. Would have sex like this again."

You're rewarded with one of Jake's deep laughs,

"How am I supposed to keep my ego in check if you're telling me that kind of stuff?"

"You earned it, stud." you yawn, aware of how late it is.

"Is Cinderella out past midnight?" Jake teases.

"Yes, and she is quickly turning into a pumpkin. I'm going to wash all this makeup off and then I'm going to cuddle up to my handsome stud of a boyfriend and fall asleep."

"Sounds excellent," Jake yawns back in agreement. You head to the bathroom and when you return Jake is already asleep. You turn off the lights and slide into bed and lay your head on his chest before sleep overtakes you.

--

Up next: Elsa's family comes to town for Christmas and it's not all hot chocolate and hugs...*foreshadowing*.

Chapter 14

@kmc1989

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@hangmanscoming

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[dallina17]

Angelic Vogue wedding headcanons?

Cute cute cute! Thank you for the ask!!

I don't think that Velvette would have thought that much about getting married. Not because she had something against it, or doesn't want to be with Emily, she just doesn't see it as something necessary.

At this point, Emily and Velvette would have dated for many years already. They live together in their own house. They know each other perfectly, their quirks, their embarrassing habits, their fears, their dreams. Velvette is basically another daughter to Lucifer and a sister to Vaggie and Charlie (and a family member to the rest of the hotel). Emily gets along well with Vox and he is always there for her. Emily and Velvette are deeply in love and don't have any intention of breaking up. They are practically married.

Emily knows that Velvette isn't that interested in a wedding. Unlike her, Velvette didn't grow up hearing stories about big weddings, with songs, and a beautiful ceremony. Unlike her, Velvette has not officiated wedding ceremonies, dreaming, looking forward to the day she would have her own. And this is hell, wedding ceremonies are not common either. So is something that she just left aside.

When Velvette asked her about it, to see if that is something she wanted, Emily always said that it was not something to worry about, because she accepted that now things were different and honestly, a wedding was something childish and one of the things she should stop thinking about. And because Velvette didn't see it as necessary, she didn't insist.

Until one day they attend a wedding (Chaggie? Stolitz? HuskerDust?) and Emily, even thou she is happy the whole ceremony, when she comes back home with Velvette she feels... strange. As if something is missing. And she can't sleep that night.

So Velvette wakes up and asks her what is going on. And Emily tells her. How she dreamed about getting married in Heaven, and how she thought it was something she didn't want anymore... but maybe she was wrong? Maybe she was lying to herself? Maybe, deep down, she still wanted it? And she knows it is a ceremony and their lives practically won't change because they are basically a married couple already. But still...

And Velvette, being so practical, is just like... "Okay. Then let's get married. Have our own ceremony.t"

Emily will be like "Wait? Are you serious? You don't care a lot about weddings" and Velvette like "Yes, but you do, and I want you to have this dream come true so... let's get fucking married!"

It has to be the weirdest way to ask someone to marry you, but Emily says YES and hugs her amazing girlfriend, giving her a lot of kisses.

And that easy... it's time to prepare a wedding!

Honestly, the Hotel gang would be like... FINALLY! WE HAVE LIKE 50 BOOKS WITH IDEAS AND PLANS FOR YOUR WEDDING NOW CHOOSE WHICH DO YOU LIKE THE MOST!!! (not literally but basically yes)

Lucifer and Alastor would have a huge fight about who is going to take Emily to the altar (Both will do it, as Emily requested, so no need to fight but they are BABIES)

As a matter of fact, it would be Chaggie's wedding 2.0, because Lucifer and Alastor would constantly be fighting for how to organize the wedding. They think they know better than the other what the girls want. But that was expected.

What wasn't expected, was that the fights would become thousands of times worse when Vox arrives. Because of course, no one but Vox is going to take Velvette to the altar and FIGHT HIM FOR IT.

So we will have Vox's point of view, Alastor's point of view, and Lucifer's point of view, the three of them fighting about how the wedding should be like. And even Alastor and Lucifer teaming up to shush Vox.

But of course, it is just for fun and these three idiots being.... idiots. Angelic Vogue has the last word.

They decide to make something big... but intimate. With only their family and closest friends. Which are more on Emily's side than Velvette's. Even some friends of Heaven will be there, because I think that by this point, it will be more common for Heaven to visit Hell and vice-versa. So Pentious, Saint Peter, and Molly will be there. Maybe even Sera and Lute, depending on what terms they are. Ah, and some of the sins like Bee and Ozzie too. The Goetia, like Stolas and Octavia. And Blitz, Loona, Moxxie, Millie, etc, Emily is friends practically with everyone.

Vaggie would be in charge of the decorations and cleaning alongside Niffty.

Angel is in charge of the invitations. He also helps Cherry organize the party (with some help from auntie Bee)

Vox is in charge of the music, and delivering the invitations.

Alastor and Husk would be in charge of the food and drinks.

Pentious would come from Heaven sometime before the wedding, to help with everything he can.

As for Velvette and Emily? They just make sure that the wedding is exactly as they want, but they let everyone help them make it. Charlie is the one directing them. She already manages a hotel and she organized her own wedding! Piece of cake! (It isn't because Luci, Al, and Vox are a mess)

The only thing that Velvette doesn't allow anyone else to do is the dresses for her and Emily. She designs alongside Emily some special, matching dresses for the occasion, and she stitches them, with Emily alongside her at every moment. Singing. Telling her a story. Talking. Or just laying her head on Velvette's knees or shoulder.

They agreed to not have a bachelorette party. Instead, they decided to spend the day together. Emily takes Velvette flying to the clouds. And they talk, cuddling each other, whispering soft things to the other, caressing each other hair, talking about their life, how they met, and what they want from since then, until they fall asleep.

The ceremony would be in a crystal room and will be something very elegant. With a lot of flowers (especially Vrieseas), fireworks, water fountains, and music.

Alastor helps Emily to get ready (who will say that a serial killer was good with hair?), while Vox helps Velvette.

I think that it would be a sweet detail if Charlie officiated the ceremony. Being the one marrying her sisters, as princess of Hell, and the one who started the bridge between Hell and Heaven.

Vaggie and Cherry would be the bridesmaids

Niffty would be the girl of the flowers. And yes, she would be throwing flowers at the guest. (Like that one Peridot scene... FLOWERS FOR YOU. FLOWERS FOR YOU)

Angel and Pentious would be the bestmen. And Pentious would be crying the whole ceremony with Angel giving him tissues at every moment.

Before leaving her on the altar, Vox would hug Velvette and tell her how proud he is of her, wishing her happiness forever.

Alastor, on the other hand, ruffles Emily's hair. Doesn't tell her anything, but his smile conveys his love for her.

When Lucifer takes Emily to the altar, he places a kiss on her forehead, like he did with Charlie at her wedding. And then he places a kiss on Velvette's forehead like he did with Vaggie. A blessing, for them to be together forever, be happy, be loyal, and never split up, despite the problems that may arise.

Velvette's vows are these: "All my life I grew up believing that fame, wealth, being popular, were the most important things in the world. I spent so many years chasing them, trying to fill the hole in my heart with them. And then you came, my sapphire, and filled that hole with your words, with your sweetness, with your love. Each day since I met you, has been like a fairytale, our tale. And my sweetiebelle, I have made a lot of mistakes, but I will make them over and over again, because they led me to meet you. It is you I want, and no one else. I wanted you yesterday, I want you now, and I want you to the end of times"

Emily's vows are these: "Before meeting you, I only saw the light and the sun. Then, I met the darkness. I was afraid and lonely. And in that moment, you took my hand and became the ray of sunshine I needed. Not because you pushed the darkness away, but because you taught me how to guide through it. You were there. First than anyone. Gave me the hope I thought I had lost. And, even after all these years, you are still that light that guides me through the difficult times. There is no one in Heaven and Hell like you, Velvette. The most beautiful, brave woman I have ever met. And I am glad to give you a piece of my heart every morning, because you deserve every bit of it"

They exchange rings. But also, brooches. Emily's one has a Vriesea, and Velvette's one has feathers of a blue and black tanager bird.

When kissing, Emily takes Velvette, and they fly together, spinning around.

Then they have a party. A very fun one. Just like someone would expect from Emily and Velvette.

But, even if they spend some time with their friends and family, all they really want to do is be alone and enjoy some time together. So they leave the party pretty early. After all, who says that you can't have two honeymoons?

And yes, Emily would call Velvette "her amazing wife" at every opportunity she has.

So that is it! Sorry if it is too long, but I got excited. I hope you liked it!

[ryin-silverfish]

Lotus Lantern: The Summaries, Part 3

Part 1

Part 2

Xinke Baolian Deng Jiumu Quanzhuan(or, "Lotus Lantern 1.0") 

-This one follows the same story beat as the previous two, so I'll just list the differences + expansions.

-After the Third Lady of Mt. Hua saw Liu Junchun's poem, she went to what was presumably the local dragon king to borrow some shrimp and crab soldiers and chase the cheeky bastard down.

-Qiu'er still took the fall, but unlike in the Epic of Prince Chenxiang, here, his mom didn't even object to it. Chenxiang's dad also got in trouble for his crime, and had to be rescued later.

-Chenxiang's master was the Thunderclap Immortal, who taught him 72 axe moves and 73 transformations. No divine power-ups were involved.

-After learning all these cool skills, Chenxiang immediately went to save his dad, Qiu'er, and Qiu'er's mom, whisking them off to the safety of a temple.

-Erlang actually lost the shapeshifter duel, and had to go to FFM to ask Sun Wukong for help. The plan Wukong came up with? 

1. Transform into fake Chenxiang

2. Pretend to rescue the Third Lady

3. Stuff her into a stone chest

4. Throw the chest into a well

5. Lure Chenxiang into the well

6. Cover the well with a stone slab, then set it on fire

-Yeesh. 

-So the rematch became Chenxiang vs. Erlang + Wukong instead, and because this version's Chenxiang was OP as hell, Wukong was forced to flee back to his cave, while Erlang got tied up by a red sash that, despite the uncanny resemblance, wasn't Nezha's signature weapon.

-Chenxiang was ready to axe his uncle after freeing his mom, but the Thunderclap Immortal persuaded him to spare Erlang.

Xinbian Baolian Deng Huashan Jiumu Quanzhuan (Or, “Lotus Lantern 2.0”) 

-This version is probably the closest to modern Lotus Lantern adaptations. First, Erlang's own mom-saving story is canon in this universe, and the story kinda started with a summarized version of the Precious Scroll of Erlang.  

-After Liu Xi proclaimed his crush on the Third Mother, her attendants were pissed off on her behalf, and summoned a giant serpent to scare the mortal to death. On her way back, the Third Mother came across the half-dead scholar, and saved him with some magical elixirs.

-Thus began the start of her own crush on Liu Xi. After returning to her temple, she was quite mad at the attendant who summoned the demonic serpent, and was ready to execute him for his transgressions, before she was interrupted by the Old Man Under the Moon and Gold Star of Venus with a message that Your Relationship Is Divinely Ordained, and maybe spare the guy too.

-It wasn't the Peach Festival she couldn't go to because of her pregnancy, but Erlang's birthday. Sun Wukong arrived fashionably late to the party, and suggested a self-penalty of three cups of wine.

-Erlang was like "Dude, how can you still be late with your cloud somersaults? Three cups' too easy on you, how about a whole jar!"

-He'd deeply regret those words in about five minutes, for SWK got instantly drunk and started rolling around the bed, asking "Hey, y'all have some fine Birthday Wines, can I get more at the wedding tomorrow?"

"...Whose wedding?"

"Your sister's, of course!"

-Annnnd the cat's out of the bag. Erlang stormed out of Guankou and headed straight for his sister, who fled towards the Celestial Realm, hoping to seek shelter from their divine parents.

-When Erlang caught up to her, she used the titular Lotus Lantern to shield herself from the blows; however, it could not protect her against the Immortal-binding Rope, and soon, she was captured.

-Interestingly, the Third Mother did tell him the marriage was divinely ordained, to which he responded with "If it wasn't, you'd be dead, and even so, the Yang family code would not permit it!"

-Thus the Lotus Lantern was taken, and the Third Mother, thrown into a cave under the mountain and watched by the local Tudi god.

-Said Tudi god was not unreasonable, tho, and agreed to take baby Chenxiang to his dad. Soon, the kid grew old enough to attend the local school, where his schoolmates bullied him for not having a mom, with some even calling him a demon's child. 

-Tearfully, Chenxiang demanded an answer from his dad, and when his dad finally yielded and told him the truth, he decided to sneak away to find his imprisoned mom.

-The same Tudi led the kid to her after he cried long enough under Mt. Hua; mother and son had a heart wrenching conversation through the rock gaps, until they were interrupted by someone's arrival.

-That someone was not Erlang, as they feared, but the Thunderclap Immortal, taking a leisurely stroll in the mountains. He took Chenxiang in as a disciple, and told him a way to free his mom: the same magical axe Erlang used to cleave open their grandma's mountain prison way back when, now stored in the Guankou temple.

-Then Chenxiang just...walked up to the temple gate while Erlang was out hunting, and asked one of the Seven Sages of Plum Mountain if he could borrow the axe.

-Funnily enough, the Sage in question was Yuan Hong, yes, the exact same as that white ape demon Yang Jian killed in FSYY, and he was like "Nope".

-So Chenxiang decided to take the sneaky route, transforming himself into four immortal maidens delivering peaches and wine into the temple, got Yuan Hong drunk, then turned into a butterfly and entered the inner sanctum. Just as he was fumbling with the locks, Erlang returned from his hunting trip, forcing him to flee.

-After questioning Yuan Hong, he decided to err on the side of caution and add eight more celestial soldiers to guard the temple. Chenxiang bypassed that security measure by turning into a little insect and crawling inside, but the axe was nowhere to be found.

-Suddenly, a flash of red light flew into the room and led him to a single chest, where the axe was stored. However, there was a new problem; the door was still locked, and Chenxiang couldn't take it outside, so he came up with another plan; transform into a rat and lure the guards into opening the door for some pest extermination.

-The guards inform Erlang, who saw right through it. He told them to keep the door shut, then transformed into a cat and entered the room, forcing Chenxiang to flee again.

-So Chenxiang was pretty disheartened, until he thought of a third idea: transform into his own divine grandparents, Yang Tianyou and Princess Cloud-Terrace, and call Erlang out on his bullshit.

-That filial piety card worked wonderfully. Erlang had no choice but to take out the axe and free his sister, at which point Chenxiang transformed back into himself and battled with his uncle.

-As the Third Mother watched anxiously from the side, who should show up but the Gold Star of Venus, delivering Jade Emperor's divine cease-fire order?

-Happy ending, yay. Sidenote, Erlang actually sighed after seeing the order, acknowledged Chenxiang as a formidable member of the younger generation, and picked him up and called him a good kid/baby ("乖乖!" "宝宝!" 叫个欢).

[you-fuckers-are-asses]

I found this pic on Pinterest & I know like 10 things on the list lmao. How much are you aware of/know the stories behind, and maybe have stored in your large collection of various Jackass-related tomfoolery? (Like the "Too Hot for MTV" which I badly wanna see if possible lol)

https://pin.it/1u5rBYL3i

Just for credits sake, the person that made this iceberg is @loomisfallsgf

Tip of the Iceberg:

Most if not all of these are known-about mainstream things that most fans would know about. All of these things are available on the discord server.

Jackass the TV series (TURD remux & TV rips) & Movies (All available in varying qualities)

Viva La Bam, Jackass spin-off focused on Bam & the CKY crew. Basically a CKY series. (DVD & TV Rips & Spring Break special)

Big Brother Skate Videos, Boob, Crap, Shit & Number Two (not in that order) were movies that went along-side the Big Brother skateboard magazine, they're essentially early Jackass featuring folks that worked on the magazine in the early days, like Knoxville, Tremaine, Kosick, Cliver, etc. etc. A lot of folks that came from the magazine and videos ended up working on Jackass (These are on the server including a custom ISO with all the movies on it and a DVD menu etc.)

Jackass Shark Week & Shark Week 2.0 were discovery channel specials aired in 2021 & 2022 featuring some of the cast doing things with sharks, they're are both available in 1080p

Wildboyz, Jackass nature spin-off with Steve & Chris. (DVD & TV rips available)

CKY Skate Videos - Landspeed, CKY2K, CKY 3, CKY 4 & CKY the documentary. These were videos that the CKY crew made before Jackass, from when they were in high school to after Jackass began. Available on the server in DVD, VHS & Remastered versions.)

Dickhouse, the original production company for Jackass, run by the cast & crew & former big brother magazine workers.

Bad Grandpa & Bad Grandpa.5 were a Jackass Presents spin-off of the original movies featuring only Johnny, Spike and the crew of the Jackass franchise. The other cast members weren't told they were making it not were they asked to be in it. (Available on the server)

Wee-Man's chronic Tacos is Jason's side business, he runs multiple taco joints. He was meant to have a TV series focusing on this, but it never got picked up. We have the promo on the server tho.

r/Jackass is... well. I have nothing really to say about it. (We have all AMAs from there tho.)

Wendy from Peru refers to a dog that Steve saved from the streets of Peru while he was there filming Ultimate expedition. He still has Wendy. (The youtube video where he talks about Wendy is on the server.)

Bam's Unholy Union was a VLB spin-off that focused on the lead-up and planning of the Wedding between Bam & Missy back in 2008. Dunn was missing from it due to him dealing with his blood clot and Lyme disease issues. He attended the wedding and he was around but as far as I remember he wasn't featured regular. (Available in both DVD and TV rip quality on the server.)

CKY, I assume just refers to the band. We have their entire discography, DVDs, videos, specials, BTS, etc.

Steve-O's Rap. A bad time in his life, during the worst of his addiction, Steve made a rap album named "The worst asshole in Hip-hop." It was horrendous, is still horrendous and is a hard listen. (We have the full album & Bonus DVD on the server.)

Steve-O in clown college could refer to the actual attendance of clown college, but there is a video from his website specifically named that, so I assume it's talking about that. Yes we have that on the server.

Tier 2:

Jackass the Game: Released after Number 2 for DS, PSP Playstation 2, the game is pretty fun honestly and still a fun little game to play today. (We have the game files, the manual, the actual game, the videos & montages, the voice overs etc. on the vault.)

Big Brother Magazine, I'm not sure why this one is below the videos, because I feel like the magazine was more known but I digress. (We have a number of issues of BB magazine on the vault, not every issue but a good chunk with the intention of adding more soon.)

Rick Kosick, I mean... does this just refer to him in general or? Rick's a long-time member of the crew, who also wrote, edited, filmed/photographed for Big Brother Magazine & videos. He's been heavily featured in most of the Jackass franchise content.

HIM, being Bam's favourite Band and heavily featured in anything he produced. We do NOT have their entire discography on the server *yet.

Action Point is a 2018 movie that featured Johnny & Chris that told the story loosely of Action Park which was a condemned amusement park that really had no rules, regulations or cares. The movie is avaliable on the server along with a lot of other movies featuring Johnny.)

MTV's Dunn Tribute was a special that aired on MTV in 2011, it was a documentary about Dunn, his life, his career and featured interviews by his family members, the jackass cast and crew, Ape & Phil, etc. An absolute must watch if you haven't seen it. (Yes, it's on the server.)

Haggard was a 2003 film made by Bam & the CKY crew loosely telling the story of Ryan's fucked up relationship with Lauren, his girlfriend back in the early days. She cheated on him and treated him like garbage. Obviously the movie is CKY-core, so it's not all serious but it is a good movie and definitely a must-watch for any fan. (We have it on the server & a HD remaster version.)

Dudesons, self explanatory I think. 4 Finnish men who've been doing their own version of Jackass since before Jackass began. This is referring to the relationship the Jackass guys have with the dudesons who've been heavily featured in Jackass media, the guys have also featured in a lot of Dudesons media. (Yes, we had a dudesons collection but it's currently down.)

Homewrecker was a TV show hosted and featuring Ryan which saw him "redecorating" people's homes/bedrooms in absolutely insane ways while in between teaching at-home pranks and generally being Ryan. One of the only things that doesn't feature Bam along-side him. (Available on the server.)

Bam's Bad Ass Game Show came out in 2014, it was one of Bam's first moments of "recovery and coming back to TV" but it bombed pretty hard. It was just a typical game show, where folks took part in stunts to win. Novak featured heavily in it with him. It ran for one season. (Yes, it's on the server.)

Dr. Steve-O was considered lost media (not to us tho, we have it) and it was basically a shitshow at the beginning of Steve's lowest point. It was essentially Steve-O trying to turn "pussies/nerds" into real men who could get a woman. Hard watch, but if you haven't seen it, a vital part of Steve lore. (Yes, it's on the server.)

#FreeBam refers to the batshit insane, idiotic fucking stupid movement created by that dumb bitch "Thatsurprisewitness" whos obsession with Bam and attention led her to create a movement to specifically hinder any progress or healing Bam had the potential to make. It's essentially a movement to keep Bam unhealthy, struggling and leading him to his death. The movement specifically targets the Margera family with harassment and blames them for any time Bam tries to get help, claiming they're "harming him." Anyone who supports the movement hates Bam and wants to see him die, period, full stop. (We have got interviews with him by that silly bitch, but I'd never suggest to anyone to watch them.)

Minghags was a 2008 movie created by Bam & Dico. It was essentially supposed to be a sequel to Haggard but it isn't fully if you watch it. It's not good and doesn't compare to Haggard at all. I watched it once and have never watched it again. (Yes, it's on the server.)

Manny Puig is a nature dude who's heavily featured in Jackass, Wildboyz and Shark Week. They seeked him out and asked him to be on the show back when it was on TV and they enjoyed his energy so much he became basically part of the cast & crew. Manny's also had his own shows, such as Ultimate Predator and Savage Wild, which are nature shows. (Both available on the server.)

Bam VS HIM refers to the DVD "Love Metal Archives: Vol 1" which had a bonus disc featuring behind the scenes, storytelling and general buffoonery with Bam & Ville while working on the DVD & multiple music videos. (Yes it's on the server.)

Ignited Farts in bathtub, Turbonegro - I'm not sure what specifically these are referring to, especially Turbonegro, besides them being a band Bam liked.

Jackass by Sean Cliver I assume is referencing the Jackass the movie companion book. (It's available on the server.)

Tier 3:

Ultimate Predator, as mentioned above was a movie featuring Manny, talking about and encountering various wild animals. It featured a number of crew members from Wildboyz like Mark Rackley & members of Jackass like Johnny, Chris and Steve. (Yes it's on the server.)

Jackassworld.com was the original Jackass website which shut down a number of years ago. The cast & crew would regularly share videos and photos on the site that featured shenanegans in the dickhouse offices, interviews, skits, bits, behind the scenes and specials. The majority of content from the website is lost media, though we do have a number of the lost videos available on the server (not all), which includes the jackass road trip also mentioned in this iceberg, minus part 12 which was corrupted.

Bam's World Domination was supposed to be a multi-part series of Bam going around the world doing random shit, however after one episode it got dropped and they came out and said it would only be a one-episode special. It featured Bam, Ryan & Tim O'Connor travelling to England and partaking in the Tough Man Challenge obstacle course. (Yes, it's on the server.)

23 Hr takeover refers to the special takeover of MTV studios by the Cast and Crew in 2007. It was a 24-hour livestreamed event that started off pretty great and then devolved into chaos. Ryan was notably missing because he was still dealing with his Bloot clot & Lyme Disease, and Steve-O got kicked out of the studio for being too fucked up. The takeover was when people realised how bad Steve was. (We have 19 hours of the takeover & the best bits special on the server.)

Dunn's Lyme Disease refers to the diagnosis he recieved when he was being seen about his blood clot he got from filming the ending of Number 2.

Gnarkill was a CKY-esque comedy band featuring Dico & Bam. (Yes we have their full discography available)

OG Lambo tooth pull, refers to the original take of the stunt which originally featured Don Vito getting his tooth pulled. It was initially filmed for Number Two, however due to Vito's legal issues and subsequent ban from being on TV, the whole bit got pulled and never used. Bits of it have been seen before, notably the actual moment the tooth is pulled but the full skit is still lost.

Jackass backyard BBQ was a special from 2002 where the entire cast and crew got together to have a BBQ and a party. AFAIK it was originally on Jackassworld.com (Yes, it's on the server.)

I'm not sure why Steve-O out on bail is so far down the list, because it's one of Steve's mainstream videos. The 3rd in the Don't Try This At Home series. Steve filmed this while he was out on bail for drug smuggling if I remember correctly. He then got re-arrested during filming of it. (Yes, that and all the other old Steve-O movies are on the server.)

Jackass: Too Hot for MTV was never actually supposed to be released. It was leaked by a production member on dailymotion and features never-before-seen moments filmed for the show that they couldn't air, like the convict, the gun part of the self defense test, the original vomelette, the body in a dumpster, etc. Definitely a must-watch if you've never seen it. The quality is poor because it's a VHS rip. (Yes, it's on the server.)

Idk why the lost tapes are in here twice, nor do I know why they're below too hot for TV because it's much more known-about and also technically mainstream. It's basically too hot for MTV, but the approved released version.

PurpleStickey is the name of a band Rake is a member of.

Don Vito's Crimes refers to multiple legal issues Vito had pertaining to inappropriate touching, groping and underage molestation. This led to him being banned from portraying the Don Vito character on TV, meaning all bits they filmed with him for Jackass Number two (which was actually a lot) had to get cut and have never been seen. The limitation for him appearing in media is long past.

Darf is referring to Dave's drunk alter ego.

Tier 4:

Loomis Fall's music. Simply refers to Loomis's music, it's not well known and he's not really known as a muscian, but he has a couple albums out. (Yes, they're on the server.)

Novak's House refers to Novak's rehabilitation centre and journey.

Laskian Striggoi is Bam's made-up language he began creating at the beginning of his mental health collapse. He still regularly uses it.

Dave's one testicle, refers to... dave's one testicle. He lost it during a snowboarding accident, I'm not sure what year exactly.

Stephanie Hodge's Injury is referencing when she shattered her spine and pelvis doing a stunt with the cast where they were going down a large hill on random objects. She stated that she understood it was just an accident that couldn't be avoided and she said it helped her better her friendships with the guys, eventually getting better and starring in the movie with them.

Fuckface Unstoppable was Bam's attempt at a Gnarkill ripoff, but it never hit like it was meant to. Bam and FFU toured for a number of years and then after drama with Alex flamsteed, they stopped, their tours were batshit crazy filled with drugs, alcohol, novak dancing around stage naked, Nikki getting her tits out and Bam screaming drunk into the mic. (yes, we have their discography on the server.)

DiCamillo sisters, essentially was like Gnarkill but focused on a more pop sound. Featured Dico, Bam, Jimmy Pop, Raab & Rake. Mostly known for their song "why's it so cold?", I think that's really the only song they did. Oh, and Santa's coming, but that one was branded as a CKY song which I'm not sure why.

Wax.... a little too broad, I have no idea what this is about.

Jackass presents tribute to evel knevel was actually a Nitro Circus special which featured Johnny & Steve-O and was created by Jeff and the crew behind Jackass. Johnny ended up breaking his pelvis during a jump. (Yes, it's on the server.)

Jackass: The Beginning is a documentary about how Jackass started and the lead up to the first movie. It was featured on the bonus features of jackass 3. (Yes, it's on the server.)

KatieMarie88 references a youtube channel which used to host most, if not all, of the Jackassworld videos. A lot of them have disappeared and the channel isn't active anymore.

Bam's IG rants. Self explanatory, during his moments of mania/bad mental health, Bam goes on social media rants about his friends and family, talking bad about them and just being manic.

Jackassworld Roadtrip 2009 was a Jackassworld.com special that aired in 12 parts, it followed the Jackass cast on a roadtrip and visiting Steve-O in his rehab facility etc. (11 parts are on the server, part 12 is lost media.)

Scrad and Charlie refers to the characters Johnny played in Men in Black II.

Jenn Rivell ebay, I'm not sure about this one. Didn't know she ever had one, I only ever knew about Jess's ebay.

Tier 5:

Bam's Sex Tape, self explanatory. It was a sex tape with Jenn. Loud ass music, quality camera garbage and it was only around 1.5 minutes long. Used to be on pornhub but idk where you could find it now.

Steve-O's ghost story I think refers to the ghost story he told on H3's podcast, I'm not sure.

Jackass Totem Pole skit. This one.. ah. I wish we'd left this one out. It's referencing the blatantly racist Jackass skit in S3E9, where Preston, Jason and Steve don blackface with totem masks and the cast and crew threw things at them. We don't talk about the totem pole skit.

The Note (bar) was a local in WC which Bam and his friends regularly attended. It closed down in 2014.

Greg Wolfie Brozillian refers to a deleted scene from the 3rd movie where Wolfie gets a brazillian wax.

Dave on reddit, I'm not sure what this is specifically referring to.

Amanda Lanise Vadis Myres is the name of a woman who aggressively stalked Bam between 2011 - 2013. She was known as the "florida stalker" and she was caught inside his house masturbating over his bed where he was sleeping, he called the cops on her and she got arrested.

MTV Random Hero show was supposed to be a show featured around Ryan, who would seek out the next "Random hero" from contestants who partook in stunts and whatnot. It was never picked up, the most we got was a promo. (Which is available on the server.)

Extended Playgirl Pontius refers to the whole Playgirl pontius bit that was never aired due to the nudity.

OG Butt Chug refers to a never released bit from the original show, where Steve shot gun a beer through a tube in his nose, Knoxville said it was lame so he should shove it up his ass. He did, the footage never got released and they re-did it for the movie.

Zachary Hartwell was the passenger in Ryan Dunn's car during his 2011 car crash. Both of them were killed in the crash. He was a known friend to the Jackass cast and the CKY crew. Most of the reports about Dunn's death never mentioned Zachary.

Angelfire fan websites. Self explanatory. Basically tumblr blogs from back in the day before Tumblr.

Dreamseller, Novak's book title and documentary name. Tells the story of Novak's life through addiction, etc. (All available on the server, includes audiobooks.)

Ryan Dunn Haunted Car Parts is in reference to an ebay listing after Dunn's crash, people were selling parts of the wreck.

Tier 6:

Fanfiction, self explanatory.

FantASStic Whores 4 featured Bam and Novak and was essentially a porn movie where Bam had sex with Gina Lynn.

Barvarian Dumbasses Death refers to the death of a 20 y/o german man who was attempting to recreate a Jackass stunt for his amatuer Jackass social media pages with multiple of his friends.

Chris & Loomis on Rodge & Podge, self explanatory, they were featured on the show. (Not on the server.)

The career ending footage of steve-O is a bonus movie on the Don't try this at home first video. It features Steve masturbating and repeatedly cumming on his production manager's phone and keyboard in his office.

Cunt: the movie, idk about this one.

Ryan's last photo references the photo of Ryan and Zachary at the bar right before they left and got into the deadly car crash.

Stevie Lee was featured in Jackass 3, he died of a heart attack in 2020.

Steve-O's overdose is in reference to Steve's drug addiction climax before his intervention.

Bam's Bulimia, not a very well known fact about Bam but he's had bulimia since the early days. It's very briefly mentioned by Ry in some sort of special, but I can't place which one.

Desert Blues has no reason to be at the very bottom of the list, but regardless, this was a soft-porn movie featuring Johnny before he ever featured on TV or in Big Brother.

So basically, everything that is media on this list with the exception of the things I don't know about or the things I've specifically mentioned are lost media is available on the discord server.

[destinyc1020]

A month in the Caribbean. Came back for work for February and first week of March then immediately heading back to Tom in London with Noon. When I tell you girlfriend Z is so damn adorable! I love that she’s in love. Both of them.

I know right?? 2.0 Tomdaya has definitely been about them prioritizing each other. 💯

We saw that early on....

Tom flying out to LA and spending months on the set of EU S2 with her

Taking their baecation up north

Attending a wedding together 🥰

Going on several days together (ie. LA, NYC, etc

Tom surprising Z in Italy while she was over there for work ❤

Them spending time with each other just about every weekend while they were both filming their respective projects in NYC and Boston (TCR & Challengers)

Tom visiting Zendaya in Budapest, Jordan, and wherever else the heck Dune Part 2 filmed last year rofl 🤣

Them spending a full MONTH together on a private island with each other in the Caribbean

Now... Zendaya is BACK with Tom visiting him and his family over in London, and she's even brought her freaking DOG with her (which leads me to believe that she's probably going to be there for at least a little bit)

So yea.... They're definitely prioritizing each other in 2.0, and we love that for them! 🥰 They found a compromise and a way to make things work for them. ❤

And see, this is precisely why I keep telling fans to just CHILL, relax, go with the flow, and TRUST Tom and Zendaya and realize that they know what is best for them. Just W.A.S.!

Just a week ago, some anons were complaining that Z hadn't visited Tom in London, or were bitter that Tom was staying in London instead of accompanying her to all of these awards shows in LA. 🙄 Some were even assuming or calling for their breakup lol 😒

Chiiiilllle.... Meanwhile, Tom and Z have already long-since planned that they would see each other after she got through with her obligations in LA and in Paris.😅🤣 Imo their plan made way more sense to me, especially since now we know that Tom himself was also very busy with his family obligations, attending events for his brothers, going on a trip with his buddies and brothers, and doing the TBT event himself. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Like, you all have to START TRUSTING Tom and Zendaya.

I feel like SOME "fans" are just waiting on edge 24/7 for their impending breakup even though there's nothing of the sort to even suggest that at all! Idk if that's due to the trauma from July 17th 👀, being a newbie shipper, or just being an anti in disguise, but whatever it is, it's annoying, and I personally do not intend to spend my Tomdaya 2.0 shipping time being anxious or waiting for the other shoe to drop like that 24/7. 🙄😒 These two are practically married to each other at this point rofl. 😂

Believe me, when a couple has broken up, there WILL be MAJOR signs.... (massive unfollows of ppl on their end, no more likes on posts, no more visits or pics of them together for over 6 months at least, them being spotted out getting cozy with other ppl - 👈🏾 this is honestly the BIGGEST and most reliable sign right here lol🤭) ...

When a celebrity couple splits, believe me, the signs are there. 😏 So unless you start seeing THOSE signs all at once, you really don't have to worry about TZ at all.

Jmho....

[kittymaine]

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun Vol. 4

Haha, I almost forgot to post about The Husky and His White Cat Shizun Vol. 4 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. Like last time, talking about this book at all is going to spoil volume three so, I'm going to put my recommendation at the top and then talk about the book itself under the read more break.

I thought this book was probably the slowest paced out of all the books so far, but it was also the sweetest and fluffiest. Don't expect any big bombshells in this one, but it still advances the plot.

So book three ends with Master Huaizui accepting Chu Wanning's souls from Mo Ran and telling Mo Ran it will take him five years to put Chu Wanning's souls back into his body and revive him. Book four starts in an epistolary style, showing a few quick snapshots of what Mo Ran is doing in the five years Chu Wanning is still being revived. He desperately wants to become someone who can support and protect his shizun, so he travels and studies and helps people selflessly. But, he's also still absolutely tortured by the knowledge of who he was and what he did in his past life. It haunts him constantly.

When Chu Wanning wakes up, it doesn't really sink in that it's been five years until he sees Xue Meng and doesn't recognize him. Xue Zhengyong tells Chu Wanning about all the good that Mo Ran has been doing, how he's been making a name for himself in the cultivation world and working hard. But, it's still a shock to see how much Mo Ran has changed when Chu Wanning finally meets him again (in the bath because of course that's where their tearful reunion takes place, fucking butt ass naked). Mo Ran 2.0 has finally arrived, and he's tall and tan and ripped and also the sweetest boy that ever happened!

I'm not going to recount every event of this book because I think it would take forever. But, yeah, this book definitely has a different tone and feel. Mo Ran is both sweet, but tortured. Also! He doesn't realize until THIS FUCKING BOOK that he LOVES Chu Wanning?!?! I was. My guys. My dudes. I started to cuss this book out loud, I had to put it down (loudly) I was so. I don't even know what I was feeling. I was laughing, but I was also mad. Apparently? He thought he just SUPER respected Chu Wanning, but all that fucking they did in his past life was just mucking it up with lust. It isn't until this book that he's like "oh fuck, I'm in love with him". In his defense he does say he feels like an idiot for not realizing it before but like. God dammit. I'm not even mad. It feels like it's my fault, honestly. I signed up for this.

This book is primarily both Chu Wanning and Mo Ran pining for each other, but trying to keep it professional. With a lot of silly situations thrown in to make their lives hard. They're both struggling with lusting after each other while also respecting the hell out of each other. Chu Wanning is freaking out because he's never felt lust for anyone in his life (supposedly because he's practiced asceticism his whole life, but I'm just going to plunk the demisexual label on his forehead just to make myself happy) and Mo Ran because he's afraid that if he gives in to his baser instincts he'll turn back into Taxian-jun.

The book ends with them all going to Rufeng Sect to attend the wedding of Nangong Si and Song Quitong. Mo Ran meets Ye Wangxi the day they get there, and Ye Wangxi is so fucking sad, Mo Ran decides then and there he's going to fucking ruin this wedding. God, I love this idiot boy so damn much.

ANYWAY! How am I going to survive until next month when the next book comes out? I'm really asking. I've already preordered it! Til next time, I guess.

[bobbie-robron]

Robron Fanfiction Recommendations (Feb-2024)

The below were recommended during February 2024 on Twitter.

I’ll always come home to you (2108) 7.1K words, livesybaby

Eighteen year old Aaron has attempted suicide. He is found and taken to hospital/in a coma but… in the in between… he meets 19 year old Robert. Robert has been alone in the limbo of fields for years but has watched Aaron all this time. It’s in this limbo where Aaron begins to accepts himself but also gets a glimpse of a possible future and a look back into his past. Can these soulmates find more than an afterlife together?

Back In His Arms (2018) 2.7K words, brokenspell77

Come back to the lads’ 2018 second reunion. It ended onscreen with them walking hand in hand back to their home but what happened next. A hint? Robert’s self-worth issues have not gone away and he’s afraid being back won’t last and he’ll be unable to cope if he loses Aaron once again. How does Aaron talk him around to assure Robert he’s there to stay?

The reason why we could never be… (2016) 5.6K words, softlyspoken

It’s the day of Chrissie & Robert’s wedding and Robert chooses to run off with Aaron but… Robert learns Chrissie has breast cancer which has him turning away from Aaron and marrying Chrissie after all. It’s ten years later and things have changed… and both Robert and Aaron are in the village once again. Do second chances exist for our lads?

I’m going to catch this rhythm (2017) 5.5K words, wafflesofdoom

What husband Aaron wants, the husband gets… which means, Robert gets tickets for the both of them to attend a three-day festival. And no, glamping will not do. Aaron wants the ‘real festival experience’ of tents and all. Will Robert be able to ‘contain his excitement’ long enough for the husbands to enjoy the ‘experience’ including rain, mud and so much more 😂.

Jack (2016) 1.5K words, robron_til_the_end

Robert has been a bit off and distant for a few days and not ready to talk to Aaron about it. When Aaron learns from Robert’s sister what it is, Aaron stays by Robert’s side until he finally opens up… about his past.

Affair 2.0 (2018) 12.6K words, Gertrude_Perkins

The pointless one is gone and Robert and Aaron are taking things slowly… secretly. They aren’t ready to tell anyone knowing the reaction they will get from certain family members who continue to think THEY know what is best for Aaron and what would make him happy… and it’s so not Robert. Tough! Aaron has made his decision and is sticking by it! It is just making the hypocrites back down when it’s time to tell them the happy news.

After the fact (2018) 3.1K words, toxica939

Aaron has called it quits with the pointless one the same days that woman’s life support is turned off. With all that is going on, Aaron doesn’t tell the now single dad and things remain status quo though their friendship has also stalled. After a few months, that friendship is resumed especially after Robert has moved into a new home outside the village. Time has also healed the remaining open wounds enough to give the lads (with Sebastian) another chance at a future. You cannot deny what is meant to be.

A thousand teeth (and yours among them) (2016) 5.5K words, Port_in_a_Storm

It’s 2016 and Robert and Aaron are together but that doesn’t mean others have accepted that he’s changed (far from it) or that he’ll last with Aaron. Enter Vic and Liv who provide point of views (with a little from Aaron) of how they see all of this affecting Robert (more or less brushing it off but there are those certain times…) and how Aaron is very much the person who holds him together. But if that changed…

[atinyjules]

TREASURE REACTION TO S/O'S HENNA DESIGN (maknae line)

Doyoung

"Ahem..." you clear your throat in hopes of getting your lovely boyfriend's attention who was currently on his computer.

"What?" he asked still not turning around.

"Look here...Doyoung..." you trailed in a warning tone making him whine.

"Alrightt! What's wrong-what's that on your hands and why is is actually pretty?" he said making you smile and show him.

"It's pretty right? It's called henna...my friend drew them for me." you chirped.

"Oh, okay." he said and turned away making you offended.

But what you didn't know was that he couldn't stop smiling into the screen of his computer as he thought of how cute and pretty your hands looked with the henna. He was definitely gonna take you out for ice-cream later to apologize.

Haruto

Haruto is well...a giant. And one of his favourite things about you is your tiny hands and he lovess holding your smaller hands with his larger ones, it gives him butterflies. So when you come home and show him your henna covered hands he almost melts. If you think he loved your tiny hands before he now adores and loves your hands even more.

"Wah...what is this beautiful form of art in your hands?" he asks as you explain to him that it's henna.

"How do they even make the lines and curves so perfectly...wow." he says still amazed. He's face gets red when he holds your hands in his.

"Your hands look even more cuter now~" you have now unlocked the flustered and blushing faced Haruto.

Jeongwoo

Flustered 2.0

He was watching the whole process from start to finish and boy was he amazed. Like how can someone draw flowers so well and how do they not get tired? You and Jeongwoo were currently in Singapore to attend a mutual friend's Indian wedding so boy was he excited.

And seeing you all giggly and happy as you got your henna art done while wearing the Indian traditional attire was too much cuteness for him to take. He was so red that some of the guest had asked him if he was alright thrice.

"See! It's done! I just need to let it dry." You said excitedly as he watched you with adoration.

"Y-You look so beautiful..." he trailed looking at you dreamily.

Junghwan

Obsessed✨

He loved it so much. The henna art on your soft and milky hands was just...perfection and Junghwan was all here for it. He would trail through the designs at night and kiss your fingers and palms once in a while.

"Pretty..." he mumbled and placed a kiss on your pointer finger.

"It tickles..." you trailed, half asleep.

"Mhm...its alright." he said and continued to trail his hands through your skin.

It didn't really matter to him whether you had henna on your hands or not, but he had to admit it suited you beautifully and really accentuated your hands.

[thesims3help]

Masterlist - Gameplay enhancing mods pt 2. [100+ Sims 3 mods!]

Part 1 || This is everything that didn't fit in part 1.

Celebrity:

Testers Wanted: Harder Celebrity Difficulty & More (Late Night)

Food/Cooking/Eating/Drinking:

Cooking and Ingredients Overhaul + More Nectar Ingredients

Let them eat cake! - Non-Birthday Birthday Cakes

Toddler Food Bowl

Quicker Cooking & Eating OverRide

Breakfast At Twinsimming's (Update 7/8/23) - No Cooking Overhaul Version

Baby Food Default Replacement

Pasteurize Milk Mod (Update 7/18/23) - Tunable Hunger Motive Delta

Buy Takeout And Order Food At Restaurants

Nectar Combinatorics

No More Acrobatics! - bartending animations tweaks

Better Bartending!

Eat & Put Away Your Leftovers

Coffee Ingredients Made Choosable

Gain Cooking Skill Faster At Work!

Winter Holiday Cookies

Quicker Cooking & Eating OverRide

Pets:

Pets Don't Eat Plants

Bathe Animals Correctly

[Pets] Improved Beloved Pet, and other Animal-Related Traits - 1.63 - 1.67 by Nona Mena (simlogical.com)

[Pets] Improved Relationship Gain with Pets by Nona Mena (simlogical.com)

New Pet Genetics - No More Skinny Clones

Minor Pets Won't Run Away

Dogs collecting shinies fills Destruction motive

Cats stalking for crawlies fills Scratch motive

University:

Lost & Found: Honors Scholarship (Plus Other Aptitude Test Tweaks)

Write Scholarships for Money

New Scholarships (Update 10/26/23) - Talent Scholarships & No Store Version

Attend University Online (Update 10/26/23) - Wish Fix

University Life Visual Fixes (Send Insulting Text, Texting Idle, Heat of the Moment Kiss)

Studying Tweaks

Jobs/skills:

Check For Work In Rabbitholes

Observatory Assistant -- Part-Time Astronomy Job

Flower Arranging - Interaction and Skill

Knitting for TS3 - Interaction and Skill

Writing, Painting, Gardening, Tinkering More Fun

Study Skills Online V37

Yoga Mod (Update 3/1/23) - New Features!

Scribbling Pad + Buzzler's Scribbling Pad - Fixed

TS2 > TS3 Functional Sewing table [BETA V2.0.0]

Programming Skill

Investment Mod (Update 9/3/23) - MultiTab Compatible

Lost&Found: Stock Market

Sim State - The Sims 3 Open For Business Mini Expansion v1.4

Layoff Mod

Ultimate Careers (Version 4.3)

Objects:

Functional Washboard - Sims 4 Conversion

Harvestable Tree Default Replacement

Same Energy Gain For Every Bed

Super Hampers -- Automatic Laundry Pick Up (Plus Bigger Hampers) by Nona Mena (simlogical.com)

Spring Harvest And CookBook

Harvestable Flowers

Better Hoverboards

Canning Station Overhaul

Build/Buy:

One More Slot Please! (with vertical shifting)

[TS3] Catalog Search Mod | Patreon

Add Any Lot Size

TS3 HD Textures Series - Terrain Pack [UPDATE: Fixed road tiling]

No more ugly snowprints

Builder Stuff

Reworked & Improved EA Lights

More Light Coming Through Windows

Other:

Write Thank You Notes Fix

Futuristic Transportation Charge

Advice Social Interactions

Have Sim Arrested Mod

No (or fewer) automatic memories (with custom tool to make your own mod) Edited 01/16/2014

nraas - OnceRead

nraas - Woohooer

Retuned Attraction System

More Traits for All Ages

Lot Population Mod

No Social Groups

Random Sim Fixes 2.0

SetHour Cheat

Let Me Take a Selfie (Update 9/3/23) - Pets Fix

Sunscreen

Burglars Steal Simoleons Too

Tooth Fairy Mod

Dirty Laundry Mod (Update 8/8/23) - Maid & Butler Tweaks

Acne Mod (Update 7/22/23) - Version 2.2

Enhanced Hospitals(Updated 30/1/23)

More Senarios Upon Moving

The Journal Mod

[Public Beta] The Randomizer Mod - REWORKED!

Moar Interactions

DouglasVeiga's Dancer Service

Aging Manager

No Car Relationships

Lightning Enhanced Mod (Lightning in the Sky and Strikes)

Realistically Slower Cars, Taxis, and Bikes

Take Sims To Court - Sue Sims, Become a Lawyer, Have Court Weddings and More!

Social Clubs Mod (+ banking) - Grow Memberships, Push Activities, Make Bank Accounts and More!

Deep Conversations

Sleep on the couch, new interaction

o violet on Tumblr - Pure CAS lighting mod

Reduce/Remove Lag caused by Houseboats

[delphi-dreamin]

Masterlist

Lucifer: 💙 | Mammon: 💛 | Levi: 🧡 | Satan: 💚

Asmo: 💝 | Beel: ❤️ | Belphie: 💜 | Delphi: 🦩

Diavolo: ❤️‍🩹 | Barbatos: 🫖 | Solomon: ✨️

Simeon: 🦌 | Luke: 🐥 | Lonnie: 🐂 | Dabi/Touya: ❤️‍🔥

Seir: 🐎

1st person: ☀️| 2nd Person: 🌑 | 3rd person: 🌕 | NSFW: 🔥

Suggestive: ☄️

Pact Marks series 🦩🌕

Mammon 🔥

Levi

Beel

Asmo ☄️

Satan

Belphie ☄️

Lucifer 🔥

The Power of a Touch: Pact Marks 2 🦩🌕🔥

Mammon

Asmo

I Just Wanna Be (The Girl You Like) 🦩💝💙🌕🔥

Miscellaneous Fics and Thirsts

Just a Big Puppy 💙🦩🌕

Downswing 💙🦩🌕

Laundry 💙🦩🌕

Animal Skin 💙🦩🌕

HC: Who gives kisses on the top of your foot and ankle? 💙💚💝 🌑

MC Monday Prompt 14 💙🦩🌕

Caught Feelings (MC Monday Prompt 16) 💝🦩🌕

Calls From Home 🦩💙💝🌕

(Avoid Him) Like the Plague 🦩❤️‍🩹💙🐥🌕

In A Quiet Room 🦩💙🌕🔥

Inches 🦩❤💚💝💙🌕☄️

"How did you get that scar?" 💛🌑

Under the Stars 🦩💙🌕🔥

Send Nudes 💝🌑🔥

Send Nudes 2 💙🌑🔥

Classics 🦩💚🌕🔥

Diavolo's Office 💙🌕🔥

Lipstick? Or Gloss? 💙💝❤️💜🌑🔥

l'Insomnie 💙🦩🌕

First Times 💙🦩🌕: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Stress Ball 💙🦩🌕🔥

The Butcher 🐂🦩💙💛💚💝❤💜🦌🐥✨️🌕

The Butcher - Bonus Scene 🐂🦩✨️🌕

Desperate 🦌🦩🌕🔥

The Locker Room ❤🦩🔥

Favorite Positions 💙💛🧡💚💝❤💜🌑🔥

Soft 💜🦩🌕🔥

An Attendant's Sorrow 🦩✨️🌕

Threesome Headcanons ❤️💜🌑🔥

Trust 💙🦩🌕

Photos 💝🦩🌕🔥

More 🌕🔥

Drabble 💙💝🦩🌕🔥

Nothing's That Bad (If It Feels Good) ❤️‍🔥🦩🌕🔥

What You Wanted ❤️‍🔥🦩🌕🔥

Honeymoon 💙🦩🌕🔥

Of Pirates and Fairies 💙🦩🌕🔥

Dirty Talk ❤️‍🔥🦩🌕🔥

The Eighth Pact ❤️🦩🐎🌕🔥

Command Me To Be Well 💙🦩🌕🔥

Writing Warmups

Home 💙🦩🌕

Lucifer imagine 💙🌕

🦩 MC!Delphi Lore 🦩

Relationship Dynamic 💙

Character Sheet

Emoji Asks 1 ❤️‍🩹✨️

Emoji Asks 2

MC Monday Prompt 11 🫖💙💝🐥❤️‍🩹

Reaction to the exchange program

10 Things About Delphi

Contact Names

Ringtones

What she gives the brothers for their birthdays 💙💛🧡💚💝❤💜

Wedding Dress Headcanons 💙💛🧡💚💝❤💜🦌✨️

Picrews and Drawings

Picrew Dump

Delphi's Tattoos

Delphi's Lingerie Series: Good Girl, 2, 3, 4

Stress Ball

Caught You

Delphi Style Guide

Won't you help?

Obey Me PNGs

Draw me like one of your French girls 💝

HOL Layout Map

Mermay: [Barbatos] [Simeon and Mammon] [Delphi and Lucifer][Asmodeus]

Lighting practice with Delphi

Tied Up (Lucifer Birthday)

Sleepy Bunny

Caught You 2.0 (Dabi x Delphi)

Warm me up? (Dabi x Delphi)

Sweater Collab (Lucifer x Delphi) 💙🦩🌕

The Big Day

Old God (Lucifer)

Kinktober 2023

If I've missed anything, please let me know! And let me know what you think if you read! 😘

I have a taglist now! If you like what you read, maybe consider joining it!

[mrmrswales]

My Wales + BRF Predictions 2023

The Wales family will move into apartments at Windsor Castle

William will add at least 5 new patronages

William will become Royal Colonel of the Welsh Guards

Catherine will be given her first military appointment

William’s Investiture as Prince of Wales will be marked by a Service of Thanksgiving to cap off the Waleses’ first Wales Week

William will use Duchy land for his homeless project

William and Catherine will host foreign heirs at a special event prior to the Coronation

William and Catherine will attend CP Hussein + Rajwa’s wedding

William and Catherine will do at least 2 Commonwealth tours

Earthshot 2023 will be in Paris

William and Catherine will receive their first non Commonwealth/foreign honor

William will be central to Charles’ coronation

Catherine will add another core theme to her interests

William will do between 250-300 engagements

The BRF will mark George’s 10th birthday with stamps/and or special event

Catherine will wear the Girls tiara at the Coronation

All three Wales children will attend the Coronation and select engagements around it

A new project will be announced by Catherine

Catherine’s next private secretary will also be a civil servant

Both William and Catherine will have at least one solo foreign visit

BRF + Others

The Coronation will be scaled back but will have at least 1 Tiara event

The BRF will host 2 State Visits

Charles and Camilla will visit Canada

The BRF will have a Service of Thanksgiving to mark HM’s anniversary + this will be attended by foreign royals

Eugenie and Jack will announce a second pregnancy

Charles will not make Edward (+Sophie) Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh

The Duke of Kent will announce his retirement from royal work

HM’s and Philip’s patronages will finally be passed to other royals

The Sussexs will attend the coronation (lmaoooooooooo)

James and Alizee will have their first child

Baby Lux 2.0 will be a girl

[melrosing]

who do you think red wedding 2.0 will involve? another frey wedding?

You mean who will be getting married? Pretty sure it’ll be Daven Lannister marrying whichever Frey he ends up betrothed to, so a good proportion of Lannisters and almost all Freys will be in attendance

[somuchyoudontknow]

That's why it seems she didn't attend the wedding. //

Just remember though, she’s never seen unless she wants to be. We only knew she was at NYE 2.0 bc they got caught at the airport.

To hide at a wedding where hundreds of people are filming and taking photos and posting them online is more difficult than hiding during a trip when with only a few people around and aren't also posting content on IG actively, who may have been asked not to post anything including her.