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#to be clear I know he cares abt me and the relationship but he is so bad with dates
sylphwing · 6 months
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hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔
#sylph.txt#everyone likes to joke abt how much of an epic divorce man chilchuck is#but i dont think he ever even refers to her as his ex-wife. i could b wrong bc it's been a while since i read it tho#idk a lot of his arc is him learning to b more open w others (which is essentially what ended his relationship)#and u can see how much he's grown in the chapter where senshi goes into his past#to me it would b a lot sweeter for him to take on these lessons and go back to her and make things work#it's been 4 years but he's remained loyal to her depite their issues. idk to me it rlly does feel like he still loves her he's just a fool#it's made p clear that he's a coward and that he's quick to run away so actually committing to her would b a nice way to wrap things up#we don't get to see much of his wife so i get y ppl r quick to put him w the only other man in the party#but like senshi knows abt his wife too like i do not think he's gnna b making any moves here bc he has morals lmao#(*only other older man in the party. laios doesn't qualify for old man yaoi to most chilshi likers)#(even tho chilchuck isn't old either but shh they don't care abt that)#when it comes to senshi the changeling chapter def helped him w understanding how old the rest of the party is#but he clearly still views them as significantly younger than him#i don't think he views chil as a child anymore but for the majority of their time together he did#and so going from that to in a relationship is uhh rlly weird to me!#senshi has always taken a sort of parental role upon himself#w him romance is no where as interesting as the platonic bonds he has w the rest of the party#similar to how romance is entirely unimportant to izutsumi in the succubus chapter#idk i def don't hate the pairing and there r some takes on it that i find funny#but for me i just don't see anything between them i think ppl just want an m/m ship to play with#that ao3 gap is only gnna get bigger lmao
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yuridovewing · 7 months
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As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).
Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).
Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)
dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)
i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick
(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)
#it does also feel so insidious to me just how long the bramblesquirrel conflict was painted as ''equally kind of wrong''#the ppl who put words in squilfs mouth sometimes which. btw ill get to that when i read the book#and tbf part of it is that sometimes abuse isnt as easy to spot if youre primed to the mainstream version of it#like. bramble isnt a born evil wifebeater everyone can see coming from a mile away. hes a complex guy with his own insecurities#and his own goals and people he openly cares about. and even in some fanon stuff i see ppl kinda erase that part of him#(which i wont pretend im above- ive been trying to walk that line myself)#and that doesnt match how abusers are usually percieved by the public. or in this very series.#like. the main excuse for clear sky is literally ''hes sad his sister died and tried to save her! no one changes THAT much''#anyone can be an abuser. you could be an abuser. i could be an abuser. that doesnt mean that we ARE but we are capable of it#and the thing that catches ppl off guard is that abusers are really good at hiding who they are and theyre often charming#i often hear this account of abuse that goes something like ''my parent abused me but no one believed me bc theyre nice in public''#you dont know whats going on behind closed doors. and ik this is about funny kitties at the end of the day but its quite telling#so... yeah bramble has his nice moments. hes got his GREAT moments even. i love his relationship with his mom for example#but those moments dont mean that hes not capable of being worse. of being a monster to his loved ones#its why squilf keeps getting sucked back in. hes not a one dimensional asshole. hes capable of being kind to her.#and thats what makes his disgusting moments hit so much harder#wow ok i got off topic in the tags but yknow. idk i got feelings abt this matter as someone who's experienced toxic relationships
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goldiipond · 1 year
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thinking about how easily ray was willing to make an exception to his firm ‘i can only save emma and norman’ stance once don and gilda are actually in on the escape. the fact that, during his ‘deal’ with norman in ep 5 ‘we can bring don and gilda too’ isnt a condition norman had that ray begrudgingly agreed to but rather one that ray brought up completely unprompted.
ray has spent years coming to terms with the fact that saving everyone is impossible, years putting emma and norman over everyone else because they were the most precious people in his life and because risking a bigger escape could get everyone killed. he thought it was better for the others to live ignorant, happy lives until their shipment than to get killed on the outside. 
ray never had that same ignorant bliss the others had, emma and norman lost it after seeing conny, and while don and gilda aren’t given the full truth at first, they are given enough to have that illusion shattered for them as well. i just think a lot about how ray knows what it’s like to be trapped in that house without that happy illusion, and the moment don and gilda lose it, he can’t allow himself to push them away anymore.
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depvotee · 6 months
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i will not stand green team in my house. i swear to god.
#its really funny to me bc ive seen mfers be like wow rhaenyra used her position and power to r*pe crispy cola cola man which no???#he could've said NO and yknow what he wouldve been backed up because he is 1. a man 2. a part of the king's guard bc he serves to THE king#NOT NYRA#but he got with her bc he HAD the chance and then got pissy because he wanted to marry her#and not only bc of honor as he says but because he feels emasculated that he cannot have power of nyra as a husband#also think abt what hes implying there for one moment: take her out of the world she already knows to a world HE knows very well#like he doesnt love her he only wished to possess her#something something how the 'alpha' male types act when they find a bad bitch but then want her to stay at home mother same vibes here#he wanted to make her dependent of him despite already having a BIG thing over her head#also then to have the nerve to NOT call him what he is a MISOGYNIST bc alicent apparently backs him up???#when like alicent uses the patriarchal system to HURT rhaenyra at EVERY single turn#alicent ruined rhaenyra's life out of spite and envy and jealousy#worst part is that rhaenyra TRIED to amend their relationship#MORE than alicent ever did with her#she gets harwin killed her monster kids get her childrens killed#and ALL the pass deeds that were trying to put her down#also how cole and her both of them killed the lovers of laenor and nyra which mind you#people they loved#and both laenor and rhaenyra knew this and they were okey with it but apparently you gotta ask permition to alicent and cole first#like fuck off#also laenor said im the father which PER IRL MEDIEVAL LAW THAT MAKES THEM LEGITIMATE#and also vyseris saw them as legitimate#and thats it#they ARE legitimate and like Vyseris is slow but not blind (yet akjsdbflak) he knew that Rhaenyra's kids were Harwin's but he literally#did NOT care and it was PRETTY clear that he still made them legitimate#the only time i've seen rhaenyra pull rank its when laenor is like noooo haha i wanna go to war pweaseeee let me go to war#like she literally was just vibing and alicent and cole we're mad and seething
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skunkg1rll · 6 months
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#idk i just feel so scared????? men are soooo terrifying#like i can think a guy is normal then the more i learn pfc he gets off to rape!!!#like it really feels like all men love rape and idk it's just so...#even if they use the excuse of only fantasizing abt it .. theyre fantasizing abt raping someone (mostly raping women lol)#if they watch a show and a horrific rape scene comes on they get turned on. bc they like the idea of raping a woman. they like rape itself#if i watch a scene like that i get distressed nd heartbroken nd sad bc *i* see the humanity of the woman nd the extreme pain nd suffering#she's being caused. i dont get turned on???? i feel sad and feel empathy for her#but men dont feel empathy for pieces of meat that much is clear#idk its just so sick and vile that they see a woman being caused extreme pain and they like it#they get turned on??? wtf is wrong w them how can u even do that??#and im supposed to.... be in a relationship w a man??? who doesnt view me as a human who gets off on hurting nd abusing women.....#like even him i love said that he got off on the idea of me being asleep nd not being able to consent skksksks#how do u think like that abt someone u supposedly love????? if i love a woman i'd never think abt hurting her or seeing her in distress????#and if you're w a guy who openly admits to jacking off to raping you how do u know that he wont actually do it?#if hes in a situation w you nd he has the opportunity means nd motivation nd he knows u wouldnt say anything.. why would he not rape u???#idk men are so fkn terrifying i dont rlly wanna be anywhere near any man like theyre so sick#rape is heinous. and clearly men dont care bc theyre always the rapists so why would they care abt the fear of being raped#no idk. even if i love a man sm it hurts i dont think its safe or smart to be with one. they'll always rape or abuse or hurt u
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parkinglothater · 10 months
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i did it i broke up with him ! im hinestly feeling mostly relieved i think there was a lot of stress leading up to this moment tht jst disappated, he seemed as receptive as ever
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tvnacity · 2 years
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bets on whether my partner will remember that our 5 year dating anniversary is tomorrow? I think the odds are like 10k to 1
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astrophileous · 11 months
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Hmmmmm for Hotch maybe him lowkey coddling reader when she gets hurt shortly during a case shortly after they start dating? Maybe the team wasn’t aware until they saw him fret this much when he had never done it to this level in the past? 🥹
Thanks for the request babes!! My first Aaron fic ever, so hopefully it's not too bad for a first 🥺 I hope this is to your liking ❤️
Warning(s): gn!reader, established relationship, talks of traffic accident, mentions of injuries, protective hotch, mean words (hotch is just worried abt you ok??)
This blurb was written as a part of the "Zara's Birthday Bash and Road to 1K" celebration.
Zara's Birthday Bash and Road to 1K Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist
You heard him before you even laid eyes upon him.
Amidst the beeping machines and the moderate ruckus of the emergency room, Aaron's voice penetrated the air like a sword. The authority dripped like lava from his tone as he badgered Derek for your whereabouts, and before you could shuffle out of the hospital bed that had been your safe haven for the past hour, the cubical curtain surrounding you was suddenly yanked open.
Your movements ceased once you locked eyes with a frowning Aaron Hotchner.
"Hey—"
"Are you insane?"
You looked at him dumbfoundedly.
"Do you have a death wish? Is that it? Or are you just stupid?"
A few feet behind him, you could see Derek and Emily exchanging silent looks between the two of them. Everyone knew that Aaron was notorious for being frigid, and he had a strong impartiality when it came to any of his team members doing something impetuous on the field, but the words seeping out of Aaron's mouth at that moment sounded overtly harsh to those who knew him.
"Hotch—" Derek took a step forward, trying to come to your defense, "—it's not (Y/N)'s fault."
"I'm not talking to you." Aaron's response was cutting and final. It baffled Derek enough for him to trace his step back.
"What's wrong with you?" you asked once the shock dissipated, returning your voice to its rightful owner once more. "Why are you being like this?"
"Me? You're asking me? I should be the one asking you."
Your eyebrows pulled together in confusion. "We were chasing the UnSub—"
"You went rogue," he cut you off. "Morgan told me everything. There's no point in denying it."
Derek raised his arms in surrender when your stare of betrayal slid his way. "Fine. I'm sorry I grabbed a random civilian's bike and crashed it against the UnSub's car. You don't have to worry about paying anything back, I'll figure something out."
"Is that what you think this is about?" Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose. "I could care less about monetary compensations. We can deal with that later. You could've been killed, don't you understand?"
It was his last admission that finally made the pieces in your head click into place. Beneath the anger inside Aaron's words was actually a hidden anxiety ready to break free. He was worried about you, even if he was showing it in the least hospitable way possible.
Your relationship with Aaron was young; green around the edges and blooming every single day like tulips in spring. Nobody else in the world knew about it yet, and the two of you wanted to keep it that way. At least, that was what you agreed upon after having that lengthy discussion following your first official date.
And yet, none of that mattered when your fingers opted to reach out for Aaron's hand. You pretended not to notice the gasp that Emily let out as you urged your boyfriend to look into your eyes.
"I know you're worried, but I'm fine. I'm right here with you, and I'm okay." Aaron's shoulders physically collapsed at your reassurance. Every other noise in the hospital seemed to drown out in the aftermath. "The doctor's gonna clear me in no time, trust me."
"It still doesn't erase the fact that what you did was reckless." Aaron stepped closer towards the bed, overcrowding your senses as his thumb swept over your left eyebrow, just below the wound you had obtained from the crash. "Does it hurt?"
You shook your head no. The injury to your head was relatively minor. Your arm, on the other hand, was sustaining a quite sizable gash from your collision with the car.
Aaron's eyes followed your gaze that had meandered towards the gauze covering your arm. "How many stitches?"
Reluctantly, you answered, "Seven."
You heard his sharp breath before he turned around to face Derek. "Where's the UnSub now?"
Derek jerked his head to the right, where you reckoned the UnSub was being treated for their own injuries from the crash. The words of protest died in your throat as Aaron began to saunter to the other end of the ER with Derek hot on his heels.
With the two men's departure, Emily was the only one who remained.
"So—" she smiled knowingly, leaning against the foot of your bed, "—you and Hotch? When did that happen?"
You slammed your head back on the pillow, muffling your groan with your uninjured arm. "Shut up."
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bokutosbabe · 3 months
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I have no idea if this is where asks are sent but I am CRAVING some Oikawa or Ushijima figs rn 😍 OR EVEN DAICHI IM DESPERATE ID EAT UP ANYTHING YOU WRITE I BEG
AHAHA YOU FOUND THE PERFECT PLACE TO COME i love literally ALL of these characters but i chose to do ushijima since i’ve been wanting to write for him😻 i can always do the others if you want!!
Greatest in the League
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a/n — i def put my own spin on this so i’m so sorry if it’s not exactly what you imagined😭🫶🏼 also made reader gn since a gender wasn’t specified . ALSO YES I MADE USHIJIMA OBLIVIOUS HE LITERALLY THOUGHT HINATA WAS GRIPPING ONTO BRAZIL BC HE WAS ON THE “OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD”
content — ushijima x gn! reader, ushijima and reader are married , fluff, set in time skip (at the olympics actually), secret relationship, honestly not much to talk abt, i think that’s it- lmk if i missed anything!
synopsis — Ushijima Wakatoshi, wing spiker and outside hitter for the Olympic men’s volleyball team, has a secret. Something only two people in the entire world know of, including him.
✿.。.“ where’s the trophy? ”.。.✿
one point.
one point was all that separated Japans men’s volleyball team from the champion title. a singular point that rested on Japans side of the net. Ushijima watched as the other team served
one. komori’s perfect receive- no one expected any less
two. atsumu’s terrifyingly beautiful set, every spiker they had running for the ball.
three. straight to ushijima wakatoshi.
the ball smacked against his palm, and boom. The other team had no time to even react as the wing spiker all but slammed the ball onto the other side of the court.
23-25
“AND JAPAN TAKES IT ALL!!” the announcers could be heard from the booth they were seated in. While the other team had shuffled off the court, the japan’s team was celebrating- many arms thrown around Ushijima, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
where were you?
The paparazzi had flooded the court, taking pictures of all the players while the giant trophy of the world’s best team was brought out, and yet ushijima needed to see you first.
“good job wakatoshi!” the males ears caught the three words, turning around as he heard your voice- spotting you standing at the railing that separated the many onlookers from the court.
“hey ushiwaka we need to take a pic with the trophy- hey where are you going?” he heard hoshiumi’s voice loud and clear, but his focus was on a familiar face in the crowd—yours. Without a second thought, he pushed through the throng of reporters and fans, his powerful strides carrying him swiftly toward you.
if there was one thing you hadn’t expected from ushijima after all the years of being together, it was this. you watched in awe as he came running over, the determined look on his face softening the moment he reached you. He didn’t say a word, simply enveloping you in a tight hug, causing many eyes and cameras to be turned towards the both of you.
After getting married two years ago the two of you had decided to keep your life out of the public eye, i mean- ushijima wouldn’t want his beautiful partner to get bombarded with all the questions that were sure to come their way, but as of right now he couldn’t care less.
ushijima wakatoshi was not a man of words, much rather showing his feelings through actions, so that he did. the star player leaned down before pressing a kiss to your lips, the camera flashes going off in the split second the two of your lips were connected.
“what’s with the photos?” he asked you as his hands rested on your waist.
ushijima wakatoshi was not a man of words, so when he had a post game interview with many bombarding questions about the person he had kissed, he’d decided actions would speak louder than words.
let’s just say, twitter and all news articles were buzzing about the outside hitters showing his left ring finger being adorned with a silver wedding band during the interviews.
✿.。.“ he just comes running over to me ”.。.✿
it’s super short and i actually hate it. i’m so sorry it took this long😭
likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!!
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arabaka · 1 year
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˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ fushiguro toji x fem!reader. CONTENT WARNINGS: 18+ !!! toxic relationship. power imbalance. dubcon (changes your mind abt cumming inside last minute). petnames pretty, princess, and my girl used. toji calls himself daddy once. unprotected sex. WORD COUNT: 1.7K
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Toji comes home late but he does this more often than not. You used to wait up for him but now you know better. You think, one of these days you’ll cut ties with the leech but you haven’t kicked all feelings for the man to the curb just yet. Maybe once you do that, you can do the same for his sorry ass.
Toji knows you feel this way. He just doesn’t care enough to do anything about it. He figures things will keep blowing over so long as he has you under his thumb and if worse comes to worst, a little companionship is nothing some money can’t solve.
His footsteps rouse you from your slumber and you stretch like a cat waking up from a daydream, only to curl back up even though you know you won’t be going back to sleep anytime soon. Not when Toji comes home.
He isn’t light on his feet, boots clattering on the ground when he’s tossed them aside. He walks into your bedroom knowing you’re awake, despite shrouding yourself in shadows and blankets. He knows your routine (our routine he’s purred in your ears before) and figures you won’t mind if he rips the bedsheets right off of you and starts his own nighttime ritual.
“Toji…” Your grumbles laced with sleep and annoyance, you bop him with a pillow. “Jus’ go to bed.” You blindly try to reach for your blankets only to gasp in surprise when Toji’s big, big hand grips your wrist and pins it to the mattress. “At least say hello.” You grunt, nose pressed to your pillow.
He snickers and you don’t have to see it to know he has that stupid smirk donned on. 
“Don’t be cranky, princess. Besides…” His free hand wrinkles the bottom hemline of your sleep shirt, ripping it up to your collarbone and whistling at the sight: no panties and no bra just how he likes it, “You were waitin’ for me.” 
He’s not wrong.
Because as much as you loathe the man, he’s still an addiction you haven’t weaned yourself off of yet. 
You’re quiet. You’re still. You’re his.
“Turn the light on, pretty. Need to see your face when I cum inside that pussy. Still all for me?” 
Oh. It’s all so clear now. Why you keep letting him back in, why you let his hands defile you, why you let him sweet talk you over and over again…
Because he’s fucking good at it.
The moment you turn the light on, it’s over. There is no protesting. There are no spat words or deliberate curses. He makes sure of that, climbing over your body in an instant and you make ample space for him by spreading your legs in silent acceptance. You let him kiss you, let his tongue invade your mouth while his gruff hands toy with your breasts. He’s rough, more so than usual– bad night, you guess. But you love it, you tell him as much when you whine, moans starting in your mouth and ending in his. He takes it all, takes every lick of affection you can give him because if Toji is anything, it’s greedy.
His hands travel south, hooking onto your hips and dragging you close. In a single movement, your bare cunt is flush against his clothed pelvis and you whimper at the sharp, sudden friction and the unfairness of it all. “In a bit,” He grumbles over your spit-glossed lips, as if he can read your mind, “Wanna taste those gorgeous tits of yours first.” 
His back curves somewhat awkwardly, he’s much too big for this, much too big for you, but he latches onto your nipple, licking and nipping as he pleases while the other hand busies itself with pinching and tugging. You like it. You almost wish you didn’t. Your toes curl and you buck, whining over how it’s bunched up fabric running through your glistening folds instead of his naked cock. “Toji– please,” You choke, hands lost in his hair and pulling just as hard, “At least let me feel.”
His lips leave your pebbled nipple with a pop and a laugh, “Feel what? Thought you wanted to sleep.” He’s back at it though, swirling his tongue around your other perky bud with plenty of saliva and spit to leave your skin glittering. “Change your mind all of a sudden?” 
You know he’s teasing you, wants to get a rise out of you because Toji just loves a brat to tame. 
So you give him what he wants, hands desperately clamoring for his waist only to land shy of touching his body because of the position you’re in. He snorts, hot air billowing over your breast and the contrast from the exhale to spit makes your spine arch. “You can do better than that.” He’s vile when he speaks, now in the mood to irritate you to hell and back just so he can pound the brat out of you. He continues his ministrations on your tits, though one hand decides to travel south and cup your mound. You drench his fingers in no time at all, your hole all but ready for him as he plunges not one, but two fingers right off the bat inside you. Pumping until you cry:
“P-Please – haah – just fuck me already.”
He gives your nipple one last tug, right between his teeth to feel you strain and cry for him and when you do, he smiles right over your sensitive little button. “Alright.” You think he’ll make a move just then but instead, your cheeks are squished, caged by his dirtied thumb and other four fingers so your lips plump up into a pitiful pout. “Then you’re gonna ask nicely.” You smell yourself in his fingers.
Your eyes meet his and they are pitch black. It makes your lungs still, your eyes red hot with tears, but your cunt wet. “P-Please, please, please,” You manage with your cheeks already growing sore from his grip, “P-Please fuck me, Toji– ‘m sorry, ‘m sorry!” 
“That’s my girl. Now get on your stomach for Daddy.”
You do as you’re told, a little too fast for your own liking; it shows your desperation, a card you try to hold close to your chest but Toji can always call your bluff. You’re starting to think you’re not good at all at pretending.
You hear him start to disrobe, know he’s back when the expanse of his hands are spreading the globes of your ass. He’s caging you in with his knees docked outside of yours, sees your cunt all wet and shiny and that’s enough for him. He can admire your– no, his pussy another time. 
“Lift your hips.” He instructs and when you do, you’re teased by the fat head of his cock at your entrance, making your heart race and your stomach flip. He leans in and the stretch– it’s always there at first, searing and tingling, no matter how many times he’s plunged himself inside you down to the base. You squeal face first into your pillow, shoulders tensing as you feel his overwhelming girth prod and poke.
And then… He’s in.
“Fuck, princess– feel so good.” A baritone groan comes rumbling from his throat.
And you feel so full, up to your chest and you can’t breathe. You shudder under his weight, under his own groaning as your tight walls hug his aching member. He lowers himself further and knowing that you’re only going to squirm more, nips that shit right in the bud by grabbing at the fullness of your ass and mounting you with little care about how you feel about it. 
All you can do is follow along, you aren’t given much of a choice and there’s no moving for you, not in this position and not with the way he’s holding you. He’s physically using you as leverage, digging nails into your bottom as he humps into you so hard and so fast, his fat and full balls are smacking into you and filling the room with loud pap-pap-paps. 
Your hands mimic his, only you’re gripping fistfuls of your cast aside comforter as Toji mercilessly rocks you into your own bed. The bedframe thuds against the wall and your neighbors are certain to complain but that’s okay. Toji’s not going to be around for that.
He’s slamming into you, you can feel the ridge of his cock inside you grinding along the mattress as you take, take, take all that he’s giving you. You let your senses dull, allowing yourself to only feel the pain, the pleasure of Toji’s fat cock mercilessly fucking you and your cunt to submission.
“S-Shit, squeezin’ me so much I might just cum inside.” He taunts and you whine, your pleads for him not to disappearing into your pillowcase but make no mistake. He hears you.
He just doesn’t care enough to do anything about it.
The force of his full length inside you makes your head dizzy and your vision blurry. His cock throbs inside you, against your walls and when the tip hits you just right, you mewl and cry for him, “Okay, okay, y-yes– cum inside, cum inside please, Toji!”
Just like he wanted.
“Alright, but remember,” His mouth is at your ear now, teeth coming out to play when he bites at your earlobe before murmuring, “You asked for it.”
You nod into the pillow, babbling for Toji until you’re drooling, aching for a kiss that will never come because Toji loses himself inside you just then, pounding into you so hard and fast just to see the plump of your ass ripple and clap for him. His cock fully sheathed in your heat, it’s easy for him to spill every drop of cum inside you– allllll the way to your cervix. 
He continues to thrust, as if to make sure every dribble of his load sticks, until he’s soft. Until he’s done.
He leaves you and you stop paying attention to his footsteps because when you get up from the bed, all you can fixate on are the wet patches left all over your linens. Splotches of tears left on your pillowcase. Blobs of cum already leaving a cloudy stain on your sheets. 
“Hey,” Toji calls from the doorway, wrangling you away from any decisions that would have come from the post-coitus clarity, “Let’s get you cleaned up.” 
You know this is what he does. You know he’s not going to change.
But you take his hand anyway.
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double--blind · 11 months
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(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation
So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?
We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive
It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.
(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)
Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.
Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.
You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.
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This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.
It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.
Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.
By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.
It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?
Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?
Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.
Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.
It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.
So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.
Becomes worse.
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taintedcigs · 11 months
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GETAWAY CAR — rockstar!e.m. x f!reader
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CHAPTER FOUR: TWO NOTES AND A HEART DOWN
← prev chapter // next chapter →
✦ summary: in which eddie takes you for a trip down memory lane and you finally read the note. (wc: 9.4k+)
✦ warnings — ANGSTANGSTANGST, argument </33, yelling, crying, mentions of sa (nothing happens) like its not brought up AT ALL it's insinuated like the tiniest bit, mean!eddie, kinda asshole-ish? pining and slowburn, strong language!, mentions of alc*hol and drg use and a toxic/ab*sive relationship, food!!
✦ pairings — rockstar!eddie munson x fem!reader, past billy hargrove x fem!reader, eddie munson x chrissy cunningham
✦ authors note — sorry for the wait but i hope a 9.4k chapter makes up for it omg! also feel free to chat with me in the asks abt this series (and anything tbh) pls!! not proof-read pls ignore mistakes!! ive been struggling with this chapter A LOT. its not at all how i wanted to write it but i was just tired of holding it off :// so hope u guys enjoy and this is like the last fluffy chapter lmao its all angst from here on (well kinda)
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His nose skimmed against yours, a mere breath away from the temptation of your soft lips, everything you’ve been wanting on the tip of your fingers.
But you couldn’t do that. It didn’t matter if he was sorry or if it was casual. Chrissy still existed. And he still kissed her in front of you.
Friends, is what he promised. And this was going to ruin it.  
“Please, look at me,” he pleaded, you could hear the desperation in his voice. Your eyes blinked open slowly, how close he was to you had your eyes widened. 
"I-I don't even know what's wrong with me," he breathed out. "I feel like...I feel like I'm losing my goddamn mind, and I don’t even know what just happened,” he said in a strained voice. 
“I-I just… I look at you, and I’m absolutely terrified.” He gulped. “It terrifies me that—” He stopped himself before he could spew out more. 
It terrifies me how much I would do for you, he wishes to say, but he doesn’t, he can’t. 
“I can’t—we shouldn’t be doing this." He stammered, quick to lean away from you.
“I-I know” You agreed hesitantly, because you knew this was a bad idea. But your stomach burned at the thought that he wanted to not kiss you because of Chrissy. Was he actually going to be with her now? Did he lie about things being casual? 
“Do you…” You took a deep breath, “do you like her?” Your voice was strained, it was barely above a whisper, but Eddie heard you loud and clear. 
Your heart rate picked up quicker than you intended it to, you leaned further away from him, your mouth flooded with a bitter taste. 
“No!” His eyes widened, he answered it so quickly that the idea that he was lying sank further into you. 
“No, I-I don’t know… I just-” He breathed. “We agreed to being friends… We should keep it that way, and I can’t keep doing this,” he stammered. “I need to stop hanging on to the past.” 
“but, fuck. Each time, I try to, you just… prevent it!” He admitted, without realizing the weight his words held, your brows pinched quickly. 
“I prevent it?” You enunciated with an exasperated chuckle. 
“Jesus fucking Christ,” you mumbled under your breath as your body turned away from him, elbows holding onto the edge of the pool as you swiftly lifted yourself up. 
Eddie just looked at you, baffled. “Do you realize how unbelievable you are?” You spat, looking down on him with your hair still wet and your dress uncomfortably stuck to your body. 
“What are you talking about?” He gave you a puzzled look.
“Nevermind,” you huffed, facing away from him.
Eddie groaned, following you as he exited the pool swiftly. “Why do you even care?” He asked, breathless. Taking another step closer toward you. 
“I don’t,” you lied with a gulp. You were a bad liar. And Eddie knew that. 
“You don’t?” He narrowed his gaze, giving you a second chance to open up, but he knew you were too stubborn.
“I don’t.”
He huffed. “Fine.”
“That…” He paused, “was a mistake.” You could feel that horrible ache in your chest return. Sure it was a bad idea, but a mistake?
Did he really hate you that much?
“What does that mean?” You swallowed hard. Your heart was breaking the more he spoke, you wanted nothing more than to shut him up. 
“It means we-I shouldn’t have done that,” he corrected himself with a tinge of disappointment in his tone. But what exactly did he mean by that? Did he mean that the almost-kiss was a mistake because it could ruin your potential friendship? Or did he mean it in a way that suggested he liked Chrissy?
Those words were enough to have your heart drop into your gut; your whirlwind of thoughts were mocking you, the idea that Eddie had a chance of liking her was eating away at you, and all you could do was stand there and watch it all unravel. 
You parted your lips to speak, but all that could come out was a weak mutter of, “okay.” You turned your back on him quickly, picking up your jacket from the ground. You put it on in a struggle, fighting back the tears that were pricking your eyes. 
“What are you doing?” He asked with a puzzled look, and you refused to look back at him before your feet picked up. He didn’t seem to realize why his answer truly crushed you.
“I-I’m going home.” Your voice was barely audible; there was a lump sitting in your throat, causing your breathing to stammer.
“With what exactly?” He huffed, following behind you. 
“I don’t know,” you muttered with a roll of your eyes. “I’ll figure it out… I always do, don’t I?” You shrugged. 
“Don’t be ridiculous, I won’t let you walk alone like this. You could catch a cold, or something could happen to you, Pinky." His voice was laced with concern, brows furrowed as he hurried to your side.
“I don’t care,” you muttered with an emotionless expression.
“I do!” 
“Do you?”
“Of course I do!” He spat. “Please, don’t do something stupid and reckless. I can take you home,” he mumbled with a huff. There was no fucking way he’d let you walk home alone. 
“And I have a towel in my car,” he added, you slightly huffed. It was chilly, your dress was soaking, and he was right. There was no way you could get home without him. At least until you were willing to freeze off or get hauled by whatever was roaming in the forest. 
You followed him to the car with a simple nod, Eddie still failed to notice why you had gotten so upset, not realizing the implications his words held. 
-
By the time you got into the car, you were shivering, faintly muttering a ‘Thanks’ to Eddie as he wrapped the towel around you, brows creasing with worry, but he didn’t know what to say to you. 
Usually, he wouldn’t have let it go; he would’ve tried to get it out of you and ask you if you were okay, but when you were this upset, it was no use. 
The ride was silent except for the faint sound of Eddie’s mixtape filling the space between the two of you. He had asked if you had anything specific you wanted to listen to, but you shut him off with a faint shake of your head. 
Your heart was aching. Like he had just ripped open your chest and taken it without a care, not noticing how tight he had been squeezing and releasing it. As if he were toying with it. 
And you felt nauseous. You weren’t sure if it was because you didn’t get a chance to eat all day or because of that mocking thought in your head that told you that Eddie wanted Chrissy.  
Once your stomach grumbled, your question was quickly answered, your cheeks heated up as you crossed your arms against your chest in an attempt to shut it up. Eddie gave you a slight chuckle. “Munchies?” He chuckled. “Do you wanna get something to eat?” He asked with a reassuring smile. 
“I just wanna go home,” you grumbled as your gaze refused to meet his. “C’mon,” he muttered with a huff. “Do you even have anything to eat at home?” He asked all-knowingly. You shook your head, you didn’t; your fridge was empty; it was late, so you couldn’t get any groceries; not to mention, your messy kitchen was in no condition to cook. 
“Are burgers still your favorite food?” Your face unintentionally lit up at that; he was definitely thinking about Benny’s, and your mouth-watered just at the idea of their cheeseburgers. 
“Benny’s?” You asked with an involuntary smile on your cheeks, and Eddie swallowed a deep breath. That curve of your goddamn plump lips was driving him crazy. 
“Yeah, do you want to go?” He muttered slowly. “O-okay,” you mumbled. 
First the Wheeler House, then Billy’s stupid camaro, then the pool, this goddamn van, that mixtape, and now Benny's... this whole day had been a nostalgic mind fuck for you. You couldn’t complain, though; no matter how upset his words made you, you were still so pathetically happy to spend some time with him, ecstatic that he didn’t let you go. 
And so was Eddie. That’s why he had been holding his tongue back; he wanted to know why you cared so much about Chrissy. Sure, what she did with Billy was horrible. But it didn’t make sense. There had to be something he didn’t know.  
By the time you guys arrived at Benny's, it was past midnight, so, the place wasn’t packed, of course, but surprisingly, there were still a lot of tables besides the two of you. Eddie let out an ‘Aha!’ sound once his eyes caught the booth that was nestled in the corner. 
The same one the two of you always shared. The white light loomed over its padded, dark maroon seat, and you slid onto it with a huff. Your senses were immediately greeted by the mouthwatering aroma of toasted buns. The air was infused with a disgusting smell of frying oil, but all of it smelled irresistible to your growling stomach. 
Once the two of you got situated, Benny was quick to rush to your side. “Welcome to Benny’s, what can I get you—” 
"Oh my god!" Benny's eyes widened, his face breaking into a wide grin. "Didn't expect to see you! Jesus, how long has it been?" He chuckled, his memory working overtime.
A smile adorned your face, Benny had always been nice to you and to Eddie, giving you one too many free meals, always telling you that it was not an issue despite your protests, knowing of your absentee parents, just like the rest of the town did. 
“Very long,” you added with a chuckle, “missed your cheeseburgers.” You pouted. 
"Yeah?" Benny's excitement was palpable. "Mmhmm, nowhere in New York does it as good as Benny's," you hummed sweetly.
"Now, you're just butterin' me up!" Benny dismissed with a chuckle, eliciting a warm smile from you.
"But, New York, huh?" Benny inquired, raising an intrigued brow. "I've seen this one around, a lot, even last week." His finger pointed toward Eddie, prompting your brows to furrow.
Last week? 
“So that's why you weren’t with him.” He added, realization dawning on his face. Eddie was quick to shoot a painful gaze toward you, one that almost said, ‘no, she wasn’t with me because she left me’, You didn’t know how it was possible to share a language just through your shared gaze, but it had you physically gulping. 
“Uh-uh, yeah,” you mumbled, your gaze avoiding Eddie’s. 
“I gotta say though…” He leaned down, almost like he was telling the two of you a secret, “It’s really nice seeing the two of you together, again.” Benny said with a sly smirk.
“‘Bout damn time y’all got together,” He teased further. 
Your eyes widened in unison, both sets of cheeks warming before you spoke up. 
“Oh, no—” You were quick to dismiss with your hands.
“We’re not—” Eddie joined in your protests.
“So, what can I get for you, lovebirds?” He hummed casually, ignoring both of your protests. Your eyes locked before both of you shyly avoided each other’s gaze. “The usual?” 
“Uh-uh, yeah," Eddie grumbled, suddenly more interested in the wooden table. 
When Benny turned toward you, “same for her, but with extra pickles.” Eddie said almost automatically, your brows pinched together and Eddie mentally cursed himself, “I-I mean… if that’s still your order…” His words smushed together, cheeks quick to heat crimson red. 
“It-it is," you mumbled. 
“Alright, comin’ right up,” he threw a wink at the two of you, clueless of the awkwardness apparent in the air. 
It was stupid, all this back and forth all day. You weren’t kids anymore; you should have been able to just be friends and hang out, not fight. Yet, somehow, it had spiraled into a seemingly impossible situation.
Talking it out wasn’t going to do anything. If the two of you wanted any chance to salvage whatever your relationship was, you needed to talk about the bigger picture; everything needed to be spilled out. But neither of you wanted to do that. 
Unspoken feelings were lingering, and none of you knew when they would boil over. Both of you desperately wanted to cling to the promise of being friends and make the most of it. 
There were a lot of things you could say to him; you could choose to talk about Chrissy, you could choose to talk about L.A.; hell, you could choose to talk about his nerdy game, but your curiosity got the best of you, and before you could help it, the words spilled out of your mouth. “What were you doing here last week?” 
Eddie was almost taken aback by your question, not expecting you to be curious about him again after icing him out for so long. “I like coming here,” he shrugged. “Whenever I’m in Hawkins, I drop by, you know, to write some stuff.”
“Here?” Your face scrunched, finding it hard to believe that a greasy diner could ever be inspiring. 
“Yeah,” he chuckled, “most of our second album was produced in this bad boy.” 
"Are you serious?” Your brows raised, “and the rest of the band is just okay following you here?" You narrowed your gaze playfully, your hands finding a resting place on the worn wooden table.
Eddie’s mouth twitched with a smile. “Yeah, actually, they’ve gotten pretty used to it,” he confessed, “you-uh… I don’t know if you ever got to listen to the second one-”
"I did," you interrupted, voice resolute.
“Y-you did?”
“Of course.”
Eddie hesitated before asking, "What did you think of it?"
“Great record, are you kidding me? It had such a unique sound… You know, like, a timeless quality that makes it stand out?” You said excitedly, and he nodded with a raised brow, “that much?” He asked hesitantly.
“I’m not kidding, Eddie. You know how I don’t pull punches with music; if it wasn’t good, I’d tell you in a heartbeat.”
"Which one's your favorite?" Eddie asked, his curiosity piqued.
You pondered for a second before answering, "oh, definitely Aurora!"
Eddie's shaggy bangs fell onto his forehead as he leaned closer, listening intently. "I mean, 'I just kinda died for you, you just kinda stared at me' is genius," you said, your voice filled with admiration. You didn't dare look him in the eyes.
"And really, really sad," you continued, a hint of melancholy in your tone. "The idea that you could give the whole world to someone, to the point where you describe it as dying, and they don’t even see it... it sounds awfully painful." You gulped, your eyes fixed on the worn wooden table. You weren’t stupid; you knew why it was named Aurora; you knew what the lyrics were alluding to.
His car. The same car that the two of you drove around in. The same car drove the two of you out of Hawkins. 
You knew he liked you way before he let you on, and you wish you knew. 
Maybe if you weren’t dating that douchebag, maybe if Eddie said something sooner, maybe if everything that happened when the two of you left didn’t happen… Maybe just maybe, the two of you’d be together now. 
Maybe if the timing was just right, it wouldn’t be like this; he wouldn’t have whatever he had with Chrissy. You wouldn’t have been in New York. 
But what were you supposed to say? What could you say that would change all of this? Even if you told him about what Chrissy did, even if you explained why you had to leave him in L.A., there was no use. The truth couldn't turn back time. You two had ventured down different paths, and it was painfully evident.
He wasn’t the Eddie you knew, and you weren’t the Pinky he knew; it was too fucking late. 
Eddie's mouth hung open in surprise; he hadn't expected you to delve into the song's meaning like this. Aurora was one of the heaviest songs he had ever written, and he held a special attachment to it. The label and the rest of the band had embraced it, which was surprising since they usually rejected his heartbreak songs, wanting more of that unbridled rage. 
He didn’t answer you; there was a weird tension between the two of you again, so you diffused it with, “but kinda lame that you decided to name a song after your car,” while eyeing Eddie to gauge his reaction.
Eddie chuckled. “Oh, bite me,” he teased, "but yeah, that one was also written here, in that same spot you were sitting.”
“Shut up!” You said, hand playfully reaching out to nudge him. 
"And to your question... I can't tell you why I was here last week," Eddie confessed, his voice carrying a hint of mystery.
Your stomach twisted at that, and you didn't know how many more punch-in-the-gut revelations you could handle today. "Why- uhh- why not?" You asked hesitantly, your words stuttering over simple syllables.
"Because then I'd be spoiling the note, dummy," he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
A deep breath of relief escaped your stomach, and you chuckled. God, he was a douche. "Wait... so does that mean... I have a song in my pocket?"
"Not exactly."
"I'm the first one to see it, huh?" You asked excitedly, hand teasingly dipping into your pocket.
"You and the rest of the band," Eddie huffed, offering a sheepish grin.
You gave him a quick glare. “You know I could leak this to the press and make millions, right? No more dealing with rude customers, and no more nine to five hours stuck in a record shop?”
He narrowed his gaze. "You can't get shit for that," he mockingly retorted.
"What?" You frowned.
"Yeah, it's basically like the first chorus and some gibberish notes, it's worthless," Eddie explained.
You pouted. "Aww, damn it."
"I'm kidding, I'm excited to read it,” you reassured with a wink, “you know… Maybe I could give you some notes on it? Review it?" You suggested.
“Didn’t know you were a musician.”
“Rude!” You huffed, “I may not be a musician, rockstar. But I sell records for a living. I can promise you, I listened to many more records than you did this year.” You said with a playful smirk.
"How's that like?" Eddie asked curiously, his deep brown eyes resembling longing and curiosity.
You leaned back against the cushioned booth, letting out a wistful sigh. "Working at a record store? A rollercoaster,” you chuckled, “lame in some ways, but also incredibly fascinating. New York's a whole different world compared to Hawkins."
Eddie couldn't help but study your face as you spoke. He noticed the faint traces of insecurity in the way you held yourself—an air of loneliness that came with moving away from everyone you knew and your family leaving you.
"But also, it took me a while to get used to it," you continued. "Nancy and Jonathan used to visit me a lot; they've really helped me adjust.”
“And you know, of course, Robin and Steve, too,” you murmured.
Eddie’s brows shot up at that. So everyone but him. 
It was a sting he couldn't quite shake, burning at his skin, that you decided to abandon him but were fine with everyone else, including Steve. 
Your absence in his life had left a void he couldn't fill, ever.
Yet, here you were, replacing him like it was nothing. 
Eddie knew he had no right to be jealous; you two were just friends, right? But it ate away at him; that feeling seeped through him, even though you were never his to begin with.
His face burned, and his jaw clenched involuntarily. He could almost feel the taste of bitter jealousy in his mouth, considering how it was overtaking his senses. “Steve?” He questioned; gaze seeping through you, an unbrittled rage ready to tip at any moment. 
You didn’t seem to notice it, though. For someone who was usually very perceptive, it flew right by you—that slight tick in his jaw, the way his fists curled, the storm raging beneath the surface.
“Yeah,” you murmured, his head turned away from you, gaze fixed on anything but your face. The other corners of the burger place was suddenly very interesting to him as he grappled with his own emotions.
“It’s pretty crowded in here, right?” you remarked, trying to draw Eddie into the conversation and gauge his mood.
“Uh-huh,” Eddie replied, his gaze remained distant, thoughts elsewhere.
Concern etched across your face as you pressed further, “Uh, are you okay?” Something seemed to be bothering Eddie, and you couldn't pin-point what it was.
“‘M fine,” he dismissed with a wave of his hands. 
He had to distract you and do something else because he was being super fucking weird, and you weren’t dumb; you could read him like a book. 
He didn’t want that awkwardness or tension to reappear; he wanted to talk to you freely, he couldn’t let his insecurities ruin this for him. 
Eddie’s attention turned back to you,  “is that what you want to do with your life?” his brows raised, “The record store, I mean.” He didn’t want to sound rude, he just wanted to know more.
“I don’t know… I never had much time to think about it.” You gave him a small smile, shaking your head gently, “also, I can’t really afford to think about it anyway.”
“But what do you want to do?” He probed.
“Anything concerning art… I mean I’d love to be a tattoo artist, too. That’s the likely path I’m going down, dunno if the salary is good enough, though.” You shrugged, “but you know what I’d love to be?” Eddie leaned closer, his eagerness clear. 
“What?” He asked, genuinely intrigued.
“Someone came in like a month ago, this bearded guy with lots of tattoos… We had a new album coming to our store that day, and he wanted to see them,” you mumbled with a warm smile, eyes glistening with a dreamy glow. “Then he told me about how he was a tattoo artist, but helped make some of the cover art for that album, and then something just like clicked in me.”
“I used to draw with the hope that maybe it could connect with someone, you know, like it did with me… I spent half of my childhood drawing and listening to music as an outlet. Whenever my parents left, whenever they were absent in my life despite ‘being there’, or whenever they had a screaming match, plates thrown at each other, the first thing I did was sketch, anything, on the notebook.” You mumbled, “or I listened to a record, and I let it consume me, in the hopes that it would drive me away from reality, diffuse the pain, even for a split second, and it worked,” you said with a simple smile. 
Eddie hung on to your every word, his gaze never wavering, admiring that creative spirit shining in you. “Art and music shift the world in the best way possible, and maybe it is dramatic but it also saves lives in a way, you know, by helping you get through something, or making you forget. And that’s my biggest wish… to have my art be important to someone, to make them feel like they’re not alone, in any way possible. So when I saw how that guy combined music and art like that, I thought, this is fucking perfect, this is what I need to do.” 
Eddie’s brows pinched together, “why haven’t you done it?” he asked, his voice a soothing lilt that could melt any doubts away. He could listen to you talk about your passions for hours, the way your eyes glistened with hope, that little quirk of your brow did when you found something interesting, it was heavenly to him. 
“C’mon Eds, be realistic,” you murmured sadly. “Half the people that work for a good record company or with a good band have fancy art degrees, they have connections, they have the money, the time to do it. No one’s going to want a nobody who doesn’t even have a college degree from a small town.” Your lips pressed into a thin line.
“Bullshit,” he spat quickly, dismissing the way you so quickly diminished yourself, “I was the trailer trash of Hawkins, and look what happened,” he encouraged in a harsh but also a warm manner, leaning closer. 
“Yeah, but you’re also a guy, Eddie.” Your voice wavered as you pointed out, “t-they have different expectations for women who don’t have those connections, or don’t come from like insanely rich parents… If you know what I mean,” you said with disgusted frowning upon your face, chill running down your spine. 
Eddie immediately picked it up, his face growing to one of concern, “W-wait-” his voice quivered, the color drained from his face quickly, you immediately knew what he was implying and shook your head, “no, no, not me! But I heard lots of stories in New York, it’s just disgusting,” your face scrunched. 
“That’s awful,” Eddie’s jaw clenched in anger, he knew there were a lot of scumbags in the industry, and it pissed him off that he could do nothing about it. He already felt guilty enough that he didn’t realize what a narcissistic asshole Billy really was, he wanted to help any way he could. 
And then, like a sudden light bulb went off in his head, an idea illuminated his mind. “Have I ever told you that our record company is in need of a new art director?” He pouted teasingly. 
Your eyebrows shot up as a giggle escaped your lips. "You're funny," you said, playfully skeptical.
Eddie, ever earnest, replied, "I'm serious."
“I-I can't do that," you said shyly, your fingers toying with the hem of your dress.
Eddie leaned in, and retorted with a, “and why not?"
“It-it feels wrong, and you don’t even know if I’d be good-“ you hesitated, not fully convinced if this was a good idea.
“Bullshit,” Eddie countered firmly, a small smile gracing his lips. “I know how great your art is, and I know how much you care about music, the way you describe it is exactly the reason why I love it so much.” Eddie always took you seriously and encouraged you about your dreams, no matter how unrealistic it was. 
“You know what you said earlier about how you wanted your art to matter to someone?” You nodded, eyes glistening with hope. 
“Your art is important to me, Pinky. The ones you sketched in your notebooks, is what helped me write some of my lyrics. The drawings you made when you were bored in class, the ones I have hung up on my wall still at the trailer… they mean so much to me,” he said in a hushed voice, he dragged his arm on the table, quick to point to the tattoo on his forearm. “This tattoo, is what helped with Corroded Coffin’s symbol bats, you do realize that, right?”
Skeptical, you scoffed, "you guys always had bats as your thing."
 “True,” he agreed, “but your design helped bring it to life.” He shrugged, “and you know the band better than anyone, maybe you could help us with our next album cover, too. I don’t think I could find someone more perfect for the job.” Eddie shrugged and smiled warmly.
“But-”
Your protests were gently silenced by Eddie, who insisted with a soft determination, “No but’s, just say yes, please.” His voice was sweet, sickingly sweet, you couldn’t say no even if you wanted to, and this was the perfect opportunity. 
“I mean I’ll just have a talk with them, show them some of your stuff, so, no promises. But I can be very, very persuasive,” he teased, a wink thrown your way.
You stammered, the excitement bubbling within you. "Y-you'd do that for me?” He nodded surely, “even after everything that happened?" Your tone was muffled, laced with insecurity.
"Anything for you," Eddie reassured as he leaned closer, that familiar, small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
With your heart aflutter, you finally agreed, excitement breaking through the barriers of your insecurities. "If—if you really are okay with it, I-I'd love to."
“Of course,” he affirmed. 
“Alright!” Benny chimed in, interrupting the two of you. “Two cheeseburgers with a side of fries, and two milkshakes.” He hummed, settling the food in front of both sets of hungry eyes.
“Enjoy, lovebirds!” He said with a smirk, sauntering away to the kitchen. 
“Thank you!” Both of you exclaimed with happiness as you dug into the food.
As you munched on the crispy fries, you admired the other tables, each one occupied by a slice of life that you couldn't help but find intriguing.
One table was for a family of four. All you could hear was the distressed children, their whining echoed through the restaurant. The parents looked drained, faces etched with exhaustion as they juggled plates of half-eaten food, desperately trying to calm down and distract their kids.
Another table was occupied by a couple who was in a heated argument. The man wore a scowl, voice raised in anger, while the woman looked like she was about to cry, her eyes pleading for understanding.
But the last table was the one that you couldn’t tear your eyes away from, it brought a smile to your face. “Oh my god, look,” you said in a hushed voice, gaze pointing toward the booth that was nested in the far right corner.
Eddie was already face-first into his food, “later, ’m eating.” He grumbled. You poked your tongue out at him playfully. “Jesus… Forgot how grumpy you get when you are hungry,” you hummed, flinging a fry in his direction, causing him to pause mid-bite and chuckle.
“Oh, you don't wanna play that game with me, sweetheart,” he teased, dangling a fry in front of your face.
You grinned, your eyes dancing with excitement. “Just one look, and I’ll be out of your curly unbrushed hair, Munson,” you joked with a giggle.
His eyes rolled quickly, “you won’t stop until you get what you want, will you?” He asked with an annoyed tilt of his head.
You shook your head with a giggle. “Fine,” he huffed jokingly, dipping the fry in his hand into the vanilla milkshake, making an exaggerated sound of satisfaction as he devoured it.
“Gross.” You commented with mock disgust, and he rolled his eyes in response.
“Just tell me which table.” Eddie leaned in, his curiosity piqued as your gaze moved toward the couple at the adjacent booth. The girl was wearing a plaid mini skirt, expertly paired with a statement crop-top covered by an oversized leather jacket wrapped around her shoulders, likely borrowed from the curly-haired brunette sitting on the opposite side of the booth.
Her head was thrown back, and laughter danced in her eyes as she hung on to every word of the story he was telling. The curly haired brunette guy had a graphic band-tee and a guitar pick adorning his neck. Mascara smudged and eyes all red; you knew they probably had a long night. 
It reminded him of something, or rather, someone. 
He looked at you with his brows scrunched up, and you replied to him with a giggle. Both of you were thinking the same thing. 
“That’s fuckin’ weird.” Eddie mumbled with a mouthful of his juicy cheeseburger. “Are those our… doppelgangers?” 
“Right?” You almost mirrored him, taking a bite from your cheeseburger as you leaned further on your elbows. “What do you think their story is?”
“Uhhh-” Eddie grumbled, “us from five years ago?” His mouth partially obscured by the burger as he chewed thoughtfully, a furrow in his brow. 
“Such a detailed story!” You mocked. He couldn't help but notice how the dim diner lighting accentuated your features—plump lips looking so soft from the way you frustratingly groaned—which brought an unintentional smile to his face.
You were so breathtakingly pretty; even when you were munching on a burger, he was absolutely whipped.
Eddie shrugged, that shit-eating grin still on his face. He looked you dead in the eye before he took another big bite, stuffing more fries into his mouth. 
“Fine, I’ll give them a story,” you narrowed your gaze, “and you can keep eating your gross milkshake dipped fries,” you mocked, straightening up your back as you leaned closer, licking your lips before you spoke.
“So the girl… she’s pretty, like really, really pretty.” You said with a sly grin, your gaze now focused on the couple in question; if he wasn’t going to participate, then you could just drag this further. 
“And there’s the guy." You gestured toward the other booth, gaze narrowing as you turned back to Eddie. “He’s just... there, I guess, kind of looks like a douche,” you mocked, mouth scrunching as you looked at Eddie all-knowingly, head tilted to the side.
Eddie scoffed, responding with a lighthearted yet passionate defense of himself. “He looks like a total stud,” he grumbled in between bites with a smirk, “and that band-tee? He’s so fuckin’ cool.”
“Oh, yeah?” You challenged, “I think he’s a total nerd, bet he’s telling his dorky D&D stories to his best friend.” 
He stuck his tongue out, a carefree grin on his face, “Hey! You said you loved my campaigns!” He exclaimed and playfully tossed a soggy fry at you. 
You gasped dramatically, reaching for another fry to retaliate before Eddie’s unreadable expression had you frozen. “Shit, I totally forgot, what time is it?”
“Oh, you’re not getting away with that, Munson, we’re in a full fledged food war now,” you teased, holding a fry aloft, your gaze narrowing in mock seriousness.
“No, no, I’m serious.” Eddie insisted, causing you to huff in response. You turned your back to try to read the old-fashioned clock that stood on the wall. 
“Uh… 1.15, why?” you replied, your brows furrowed in confusion, trying to understand him.
“Shit! Shit, shit!” He cursed, getting up quickly while he started gathering his things.
“What?” You asked with a puzzled look.
“Wayne!” He exclaimed making you furrow your brows.
“What about Wayne?” 
“I promised to pick him up after his shift,” he explained with a sigh. “You know, since I kinda have the car.”
"Well, when did it end?” you inquired, still calm as you took another bite from your burger.
He eyed you with urgency. “15 minutes ago,” grumbling, he shoved whatever was left of his food into his mouth. 
“So, I’m going to see Wayne?” You asked with a smile. 
“If we don’t hurry up, you’re going to see me dead,” he exclaimed dramatically, making you roll your eyes. 
“You need to inhale all of that, now!” He screeched, and you looked up at him with a pout. 
“Now!” He snapped, hands clapping in front of your face. 
“Okay, okay, jesus!” You groaned, taking a deep breath, before you shoved a generous handful of fries in your mouth. 
-
When Eddie led you to the car, all you could think about was how Wayne would react—would he be mad at you? Would he be disappointed? 
Goosebumps appeared when a chill ran down your spine, you didn’t know if you could handle it. Wayne had been a staple in your life up until you left, he fed you, he listened to you when you needed it, he gave you a place to sleep, and he always reassured you that you were always welcome in their home.
And you didn’t even bother to say goodbye to him. Not that you didn’t want to; it’s because you couldn’t. When you and Eddie left, it was in a hurry. You had no time to tell anyone, not even Eddie told Wayne until you two were half-way there to California. 
But it still didn’t stop your guilt, it still didn’t help the way your stomach twisted at the mention of his name. 
Your feet picked up quickly as the thoughts filled your head, only stopping when Eddie called out to you. “I have to tell you somethin’” Eddie mumbled, eyes squeezing shut. 
A huff of air was quick to escape your lips, you knew it was too perfect to end like this, you knew he was going to ruin it. 
“She-uh… she’s coming to brunch tomorrow.”
You froze in place, almost everything fit like a puzzle in your mind now, and you didn’t know which emotion to feel first. 
Anger, jealousy, or sadness. 
And all three of them hit you at the same time. Because it made sense now, it was clear. He liked Chrissy. He wanted Chrissy. 
He wanted to move on with her. 
He had your heart in his hands, but this time he wasn’t toying with it; he was stomping on it, over and over again, not stopping until he was sure it was beyond salvageable. 
Hand almost frozen in the place you opened the car door without a word, settling into the passenger seat like nothing had happened. 
“Shit,” he cursed under his breath before he opened his side of the door, getting inside swiftly just to turn to you, “are you not gonna say anything?” he asked, voice carrying a desperate tone.
Your gaze remained fixed outside the window, your cheek pressed against the cool glass. “We’re going to be late,” you replied with a cold, unfeeling tone. Silence filled the car, mirroring the gaping void that now existed between you two.
Thankfully, Aurora didn’t give him any trouble when he started the ignition with a key turn, and the engine roared to life. You didn’t want to speak; you didn’t want to say anything to him. You wanted to save all of your emotions, contain them in the depths of your mind, and cry yourself to sleep. You didn’t want him to know how much this crushed you. 
But you couldn’t just do that; too disappointed to let it slide, the words escaped your mouth like a dam breaking, “I can’t fucking believe you.” 
“Just, listen, I-I didn’t even invite her-” Eddie tried to explain, but you weren't listening, you didn’t care, you were letting it all out. 
“How would you fucking feel if I kissed… Jason in front of you?” Eddie opened his mouth to answer, but you continued, “how would you feel if I invited him to brunch tomorrow?
Once you took a deep breath to gather your thoughts, he scoffed. “That’s not the same thing, Pinky. Carver made my life a living hell, he was a miserable bully.”
You should tell him, you should tell him what exactly Chrissy did to you.
You should tell him the whole story of that night at Steve’s party. 
The part he didn’t know. 
But you don’t. 
Because you’re too busy to worry about whether he actually wants to be with her or not, your mind felt full, anxieties and worries dancing around in it. 
“And Chrissy kissed Billy!” Your mouth dried up when that name left your mouth, you could feel that dreadful feeling consuming your chest. 
That night was still a blur to you—the way you caught them, the things Chrissy said to you, the way Billy swore that she initiated the kiss. 
Eddie shook his head. “She said it was a misunderstanding.”
You rubbed your fingertips on your forehead in disbelief. “And you believe her over me?” you asked, tone carrying a tinge of hurt and betrayal. The question hung heavy between the two of you.
“No, no!” He yelled out. “Jesus fucking Christ, stop putting words in my mouth, Pinky!” Eddie groaned in frustration, his hands gripping the steering wheel. “She explained it was a misunderstanding, and she does want to tell you that, too… maybe you could talk to her—”
You let out an exasperated chuckle, not interested in entertaining the idea. “no fucking way.” 
“If you want to be with her, then just fucking say that, Munson, don’t do all this fuckin’ bullshit,” you added, crossing your arms against your chest. 
“I don’t want- oh, you’re unbelievable!” He snapped, head bumping against the headrest of his van. 
“You make it fucking impossible to start over!”
“Wh-what does that even mean?” You retorted back.
“J-just when I’m about to start over, just when I-I’m going to…” He rolled his tongue inside of his cheek in rage as he paused to better explain himself. 
“I find a picture of you in my wallet that you put… or, or Nancy and Jonathan tell me that you invited them over…” You were on the brink of retorting when he continued, “or, or, you- you just barge back into town like you never left; talk to me like nothing fuckin’ happened.”
You didn’t dare to open your mouth; everything he said made you feel guilty. But everything he felt, you felt, too. Each time you felt like moving on, each time you wanted to try to be with someone, you physically couldn’t. 
Maybe it was selfish that you liked hearing him feel the same way too. That’s why the way he was being so vague about whatever he had with Chrissy was like a stab to your heart, in the most non-dramatic way possible. 
“You know… I used to think you were the best thing that ever happened to me… I used to think that you w-would always be in my life. That you’d be the one fuckin’ person who’d never leave me.” Eddie's voice trembled, and your throat was quick to tighten, lump forming as his words began to sink in. It felt like the car grew darker the more he spoke, your world crumbling down with it. 
“I was wrong about all of that... all you fuckin’ did was ruin it… You ruined my life.”
The faint strains of heavy metal playing on the car's stereo seemed distant, before you spoke up, wobbly lips slurring your words. “I… I r-ruined your life?” You slumped back on your seat with his words slicing through you like a knife, gnawing at your insecurities.
“Y-you really think that?” Words barely escaped your lips, voice quivering. 
He opened his plushy lips to speak, but he couldn’t answer; words died down in his throat, his gaze fixated on the road, lips pressed into a tight line. 
That in itself was an answer, you knew it, and he knew it. You felt exposed to him, like he knew your insecurities but still did nothing to hide them. 
You couldn't help but feel a hot prickle behind your eyes, the unshed tears were getting harder to hold back. You bit back on your wobbly lip, in an attempt to conceal the pent-up emotions that were begging to be let out. “This… this whole thing was a mistake,” you murmured, voice hushed and heavy with regret. The words felt like stones in your mouth, bitter and unpalatable. 
“We-we were caught up in ourselves, ther-there’s no fuckin’ way we could ever be friends,” you continued, driving home the painful truth, just so you could hurt him like he hurt you, just so you didn’t want him to know how pathetically you still wanted to be with him in any way possible. 
“I agree,” he grumbled, eyes still on the road. Tears streamed down your cheeks, tracing glistening paths along your cheeks, you didn’t even attempt to wipe them. Sniffles punctuated the air, body shuddering with an attempt to suppress your sobs, but then again, they were drowned out by the heavy metal music that echoed in the car. 
Eddie’s gaze fell on you every few seconds; but you didn’t seem to notice. And the guilt ate away at him, too, his brows furrowed in agony. He knew that wasn’t what he meant to say. He didn’t mean it in that way, you didn’t ruin his life; you never could—well, not until you left him. 
His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel; this wasn’t how everything was supposed to happen. He didn’t even invite Chrissy; she asked to come, and of course Eddie said yes, what else could he do? So he just wanted to give you a heads up. Just so things wouldn’t get bad between the two of you again, but he managed to screw it up.
Grumbles and some curses were all the two of you could hear when Eddie pulled up to Wayne’s workplace. With a huff of breath, your car door hung open. “I’ve been waiting for thirty minutes, rockstar; you better have some good fuckin’ excuse-” Wayne’s eyes widened the second his gaze met your sad figure.
“Jesus H. Christ!” Wayne exclaimed as if seeing a ghost. “Am I seein' that right? Is that who I think it is?” Despite the heartache gnawing at your insides, you managed a smile.
"Hi, Wayne," you mumbled shyly. Wayne, however, wasn't having it. "Oh, you're not gettin' off with a simple 'hey,' come over here, kid!" He said excitedly, pulling you into a bear-hug. The embrace was tight enough to make you giggle and sniffle, an unfamiliar smile on your lips.
“Where the hell have ya been?” Wayne inquired once he let you go. 
You tried to get up, offering him the front seat, he shook his head, hands holding you down by your shoulders, not wanting to interrupt the two of you.
You told him about everything—New York, your job, how you got here. Everything. 
And all Eddie did was drive; he didn’t look at you or even Wayne for all that mattered—not a single glance. And of course, this didn’t go unnoticed by Wayne. 
“Alright, kids, you two are bein' weird…” Wayne grumbled, glancing at Eddie. “Tell me what the hell happened. Some kind of lover's quarrel?” Eddie scoffed, and you couldn't help but snap your head in his direction.
"Somethin' funny, boy?" Wayne added, narrowing his gaze at his niece. Eddie sighed but still avoided both of your gazes.
“No, no, uhh- nothing happened.” He murmured.
Your gaze narrowed, and you couldn’t help the anger inside of you. “That’s funny, that is not how I remember it.” 
Wayne’s brows furrowed before he leaned closer to the front seat. “What happened, P? You know you can always tell me anythin’” he murmured with a reassuring tone. 
Eddie scoffed, rolling his eyes, but you ignored him, “he is with Chrissy,” you said, scrunching your face as you turned to gauge Wayne's reaction.
Wayne's brows tilted together, his eyes narrowing as he tried to remember that name. “You remember her? Strawberry blonde hair and-”
“The blondie that made you cry?” you nodded, “with that Hargrove kid?” 
“See, even Wayne remembers,” you grumbled, slightly elbowing Eddie to get a reaction out of him, only earning an offended huff.  
“I never liked him, you know,” Wayne continued, large hands gesturing vaguely to emphasize his point, “always thought you were way too good for him. A guy like him has no business with my Pinky.” You leaned further into the headrest, fingers fiddling with your jacket as you gave Wayne a weak smile. 
“Should’ve listened to you,” you hummed. 
“So Eddie is with her?” Wayne mumbled, face souring. 
“Boy, have you lost your damn mind?” Wayne was quick to chide Eddie, who was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel in an attempt to not snap at either of you. 
But it wasn’t working. 
"I told you I'm not with her!" he hissed, voice dripping with irritation. He shot a glare at Wayne through the rearview mirror, but his words were directed at you. 
“How would you explain kissing her and inviting her to our friend's brunch!” You snapped in Eddie’s direction. 
“Eddie, tell me you did not do that!”
“It-it’s not like that, Wayne.”
“Oh, really? What is it like?” You gruffly asked, curiosity and hurt evident in your tone.
“Eddie…” Wayne warned him shushingly with a disappointed look, he could see how much you were hurting, and he knew Eddie was a bit oblivious.
“What?” he groaned.
“Don’t worry, Wayne, he just enjoys playing with my feelings,” you replied with a scoff, fingers tracing the pattern on the car’s leather seats, a relief to your pent-up emotions.
“Oh, you’re one to fuckin’ talk,” Eddie muttered under his breath with an out of place chuckle, his anger overflowing after holding it back for so long. “Newsflash, princess. You weren’t the one to wake up all alone in L.A. with one fucking note, I was!” He yelled, words punctuated by the heavy breath he took between each sentence. 
“You should be grateful you have two notes in that pocket of yours because I barely got one!” 
“Will you stop bringing that up?” You plead, lip wobbling as you bit on it harshly to stop your emotions from spilling. 
“‘I can’t do this, sorry.’” He recited your words, and you refused to look at him. “Five letters, Pinky. Not even six. Five. You left me with that—no goodbyes, no nothin’, just a sticky fuckin’ note attached to the fridge.” His head snapped toward you.
A loud chuckle left your mouth, you turned to him with rage, and Wayne knew he had to step in or it was going to get ugly, even uglier than, whatever this was. “This isn’t even about that-”
“Alright, alright!” He interrupted, hands waving in the space between the two of you. 
“Simmer down, both of you! I know the two of you have a lot of unresolved shit… but don’t burn this bridge,” he warned, “not again.” Wayne’s words were quick to disperse the emotional fog that had surrounded the car. 
“The thing, whatever the hell it is, that y’all have… people spend their whole fuckin’ life lookin’ for it… Don’t be dumb.” That was enough to have the two of you shut up. 
“Talk it out.” He said, firm but fair. “I know you’ve both been hurt, so, be honest with each other, and apologize,” he continued, urging both of you to confront each other.
“Okay?” He asked, head hanging in the space between the two of you. 
“Okay,” both of you mumbled in unison, backs turned toward each other.
‘Too late’ was all you could think; that bridge was already burned. There was no way the two of you could ever go back now, right?
A sigh of relief escaped your lips when Eddie finally pulled up to your house, you didn’t waste any time saying goodbye to Eddie before turning to Wayne and giving him a hug. 
“See you around?” You asked with a hopeful smile.
“You better!” Wayne warned playfully, evoking a giggle from you. “You gotta drop by sometime, promise?” He asked with a sly grin, he knew exactly what he was doing. 
You didn’t want to see Eddie anymore than you had to now, but if Wayne asked you to do something, you’d do it in a heartbeat. 
You looked back at Eddie, your gazes connecting for a second before both of you turned away. “Uh-huh, promise,” you mumbled before exiting quickly. 
“What the hell are you doin’, kid?” Wayne exclaimed the moment you left, causing Eddie to look at him with a puzzled expression.
“Walk her to her door, for Christ’s sake!”
“I-I don’t think that’s a great idea,” Eddie explained hesitantly.
“Where are your manners?” Wayne scolded him, raising his voice. Eddie grumbled in frustration but ultimately gave in, cussing under his breath as he exited the car to follow you.
He ran after you, breathless once he finally caught up to you. “Sorry, I should’ve walked you-” He mumbled
You shook your head interrupting him, “no, it’s fine.” 
“So, uhhh…” He started, gaining your attention back to him. “Goodnight.” Eddie grumbled with a scratch of his head, barely able to look at you. He didn’t want to leave things like this, but the damage was already done. You could see the guilt in his eyes, but it didn’t matter now. 
He wondered what you would think of the notes; would you even read them? Would you get mad at him for the things he wrote? 
“Goodnight, Eddie.” You muttered back, turning to the door as you avoided looking at him, your finger shakily retrieved your key as you fumbled with it, doing everything in your willpower to not turn back at him. 
Eddie walked away with the same thoughts eating away at him. Were you going to look back at him? The temptation got the best of him, and he turned with a shy nod. You were struggling with your keys, muttering in frustration, and the sight unintentionally brought a smile to his lips before he hurried back to his car.
The moment you heard his car door open, you turned, slowly and reluctantly, only for your gaze to meet Wayne’s, who had an all-knowing smirk playing at his lips, waving at you. 
You gave him a shy smile before you hurriedly turned your back, finally opening the door and rushing inside. 
“You idiot lovebirds are goin’ to be the death of me,” Wayne grumbled to himself with a shake of his head, watching the way you scurried inside.
Once you locked the door, you rested against it, a sigh of relief escaping your lips. Your thoughts were swirling,but there was only one thing that was overpowering everything else; the note. 
You furiously searched for it in your pocket, curiosity filling the course of your veins as you fished it out of the left one, your hand shaking as you held it in front of your eyes. 
The words scribbled in the closed note had your heart racing, afraid of what it was going to say, once you fully opened it, your eyes roamed through it quickly.
The note was dated a week ago. 
Don't fool yourself,
She was heartache from the moment that you met her.
My heart feels so still
As I try to find the will to forget her, somehow.
Oh I think I've forgotten her now.
(Is it obvious this last line is sarcasm?) 
Your fingers traced the line that had the parenthesis and were crossed out. Eddie’s notes. If you the tears that escaped your burning eyes weren’t distorting your vision, maybe you would’ve appreciated some of the lyrics, and his funny notes, even though they were messy and all over the place.
I don’t blame you, but sometimes I wish we hadn’t met. (This is kinda too out there, but there could be something from this???)
Your heart pounded against your ribcage—that familiar ache that never fully left returned with a sharper pain. It hurt that he thought of you in this way. He thought you ruined his life, and now he wished he had never met you. 
Those thoughts sank into your brain, and the anger that came with them was something you couldn’t comprehend. There was a lot more of the scribbled nonsense that you couldn’t read, other lyrics that were scratched out. 
Your hands were shaking once you flipped it over. The other note was dated today. 
I lied, didn’t I? I think I would prefer all the heartache in the world to not knowing you. I didn’t even realize that until today. Until I saw you across the room. And I can’t even explain how good it felt to look up and see you standing there. Even with that frown adorning your face.
Your tears hadn’t stopped, falling onto the piece of crumpled up paper and making a mess. 
You felt like an idiot; you should’ve told him when you had the chance, and you had a lot of them. You were angry that you let everyone walk over you. You were angry that Billy had gotten away with everything. And now, Chrissy had a chance with him without ever paying for the consequences of what she did. 
You couldn’t let that happen.
You didn’t want to be polite with your sadness anymore You didn’t want to absorb everyone’s pain to make sure they were okay. And you hated that that’s what you did essentially did when you didn’t tell Eddie about Chrissy. 
You paced around the room, biting down on your nails. 
Should you tell him? Or was that too selfish?
Because if you wanted to tell him, you had just the perfect opportunity to tell him and confront Chrissy; the brunch. 
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✦ final authors note —ALSO THE CHRISSY STUFF WILL BE REVEALED NEXT CHAPTER. IM SORRY FOR TEASING IT SO LONG BUT THE REVEAL IS GONNA BE GOOD I PROMISE LMAO. if you like this series pls support me by rbing liking and commenting ily thank youu🫶🏻 [EDIT: i forgot to say this but ofc the lyrics are not mine they are by jeff buckley’s incredible song “forget her” i listened to it A LOT writing this chapter👀 also if u can guess what the chapters title is inspired by ily]
permanent taglist (lmk if u want to be added): @mandyjo8719 @kellsck @batkin028 @hideoutside @sashaphantomhive @nabiiturner @andvys (ILY.)
455 notes · View notes
unluckilyimnot · 5 months
Note
Yes! Dw abt it :D in fact, I just wanted to see Sae being a daddy. It can be without the divorce though, just wanting to know how he would be as a father 🫶🏻
Sae as a father
m.list | rules
note: hii thank you for your answer <3 here it is finally i hope you like it ! also i made a get to know me, let me know what you think about it hihi i would love to chat a bit more with you guys
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He must be awkward at first but he loves it a lot
I see him as a girl daddy he would love his little girl to death
talks about her more than he likes to admit it
but she's so funny
wait until she get to school and he’ll get to listen to all the gossip with a lot of passion
he’s really into it, if he came home late and she’s already to, he asks you what happened today and ask for all the details
loves to pick her from school when he can, but he’s busier than you
“no daddy you don’t get it !” and then she’ll explain the whole thing again (she doesn’t know shit about it but he would always let her think she’s right <3)
he doesn't want to be strict with her but he's still cold when he's upset, it's hard for him to work on that
but he always make sure to make it up for her by talking to her and explaining what was up – he doesn’t want her to think it’s normal to be ignored without explanation
both of you have to work on a lot of things, you’re not perfect, but you really want to show her the best model possible
sometimes he jokes about the fact that she loves him more than you
he loves doing picnic with both of you, that’s his favorite type of family date
when all of you three cook together and then you get to sit in a sun bath to enjoy it – it’s really the best
Not forgetring about the sea !! It's really important for him and he wants her to have a thins kind of feeling/relationship with it as well ♡
she would love to cook with him !
I hc him that he won’t let you cook because of his diet notably but also because it’s his way to show that he loves you and her
he’ll do his best for her to taste a lot of things but still respect when she says she doesn’t like something
he’ll probably get killed if he ever force her to eat something she doesn’t like in fact, ‘cause you hate that behavior
he also want her to be really educated about a lot of things so both of you make sure that she can go to a lot of museums, see temples and be in touch with animals to be aware and take care of them and the planet
he’s love to do sport with her but won’t forced her either if she doesn’t want to
but if she does, damn he’ll make sm time for her (even more than before)
but he’ll be salty if she’s more into the things you like
he’s totally the type to get caught away to watched cartoons or movies with her but ended up SO into the story ?? like hell yeah he needs to know the end of this barbie or pixar movie
play with her a lot even if he’s not the best at it, you’re definitely more expressive than him but you can be tired and he wants to spend time with her that way too
if she ever cry because of someone at school, be sure that his next day is taken and he’s got an appointment with the director without even asking him
he’ll just show up and makes things clear, could also talk directly to the kid if it was bad enough
he loves to walk with her on his shoulders even if she pulls his hair too much sometimes
he’s overly cute and caring with her  
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i hope you liked it ♡
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tojisprettywife · 6 months
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Your Fav fairies and their wands
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{note: this is the so called 'surprise' hahaha💀. i'll be describing men of jjk's copulation wand🪄 (according to me). it's my first time doing it. hopefully, it's fine and makes some sense. the basic drill, unedited, not proof read. minors DNI.}
< @jkumiplace here u go, what i was talking abt 😭.>
warnings: heavily 18+, idk copulation wand and its components explained. nsfw under the cut.
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First let's talk about the man, i write the most about.
Toji Fushiguro
everyone attaches 'big cock' with him for a reason, bc it is big. and this man is in his 40s so def, he's uncut. with two prominent veins running along the length, the tip is red but it is in between his skin tone and red. the tip may be slightly curved, so it perfectly grazes your sweet spot. he's so thick and girthy, he stretches you out so well. def a shower. the shaft's skin tone is two shades darker than his skin tone, and has a bit of a brown hue. again, heavy balls, so round, so cute. breeder balls, that are heavy and slap against your clit each time, so harshly during backshots. his precum is salty but cum though, viscous, literally thick, white, and salty plus bitter makes you gag each time you try to swallow it, but fills your pussy so full, gracefully dripping out your tight hole as he pulls out. his pubic hair is not trimmed, unkempt for sure, but when he starts dating you, he might think abt it twice. also has a very visible happy trail.
6.5 inches in length, 5 inches in girth, uncut.
Nanami Kento
more of a grower, than a shower. 6 inches. perfect. what you want need he has it. def cut, pinky aww and has a mushroom tip. has a dick, you wanna worship, bc he trims, it's perfect. hygiene? 20/10. his shaft is the same color as his skin tone, the base might have a slight red hue. precum is clear, slightly salty but with a hint of sweetness, cum though is milky white, not so viscous, tastes salty yet with a hint of sweetness and a pinch of tanginess. takes good care of himself, and has well kept nails, so he doesn't hurt you while fingering you. eats fruits, and drinks adequate water, so he doesn't taste like battery acid, rather sweet and nice. i know he has something addictive in his cum. and yes balls <3, round and soft, loves it when you suck on them.
6-6.2 inches in length, 4.5 inches in girth, cut
Geto Suguru
another big dick attached behind his name. he def has a size that you can't fit easily, your jaw would hurt. loves it when you choke on it. shower, not much of a grower. uncut, no one can convince me otherwise. he has a slight curve upwards when erect, slightly, again bruises and brushes against your g spot so well, a red-ish-pink tip, and quite a few veins running along the length, the skin color of the shaft similar to his skin tone, with a hue of brown. precum is salty and sticky; cum whew is slightly clear yet milky white, not much viscous viscosity of mango juice tastes salty and slightly bitter and can be sweet at times. well kept and trimmed if he is in a relationship, otherwise unkempt. his balls are not so big, but sensitive. a light happy trail! when he stretches his arms above his head, his tee lifts up giving u a small peek of his happy trail. (he might do this on purpose lol)
6.4-6.6 inches in length, 5.01 inches in girth, uncut
Gojo Satoru
ah yes, the lover boy. his dick is pretty. like he doesn't have much pubic hair, it's super light, so he doesn't need to do much work. cut, pinky tip, leaks a lot of precum. the shaft is the same skin color as his skin tone but has a pink tint to it, with two veins running along the side of it. weirdly enough, this man takes care of himself pretty, as counterintuitive as that sounds. his nails are done in a nail salon, drinks water adequately, eats fruits, and he smells amazing. i bet when he sweats, it doesn't even smell. hmm, his cum is less viscous, pretty easy to swallow, and sweet! a little salty. he has very sensitive balls, loves it when u fondle them and ride him plus loves it when u suck on them while giving him a head.
6.8-7 inches in length, 4.2 inches in girth, cut
Higuruma Hiromi
im pretty sure he is cooped up in his office all the time yet i'd say he is more of a grower than a shower. uncut, again no one can convince me otherwise mushroom tip, is darker than his skin color, shaft is a bit lighter compared to his tip. his length is quite average but girthy, you can't take him without prior prep, fingering. he doesn't leak precum much, it has a more mucus texture, slightly salty w a pinch of tanginess; his cum though, is thick and milky white, bitter at times can be sweet depending on his diet. it's hard to swallow his cum, leaving a slightly bitter, acidic aftertaste on your tongue. his balls def small but heavy, likes how it sounds when it slaps against your ass. takes care of himself better when he is in a relationship.
5.7-5.9 inches in length, 5.56 inches in girth, uncut.
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(hint. hint. the names!)
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popponn · 7 months
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Hihi, im the same anon that loves ur page!!
the froggys are seriously silly :)
Anyways, can i request some hcs abt bllk boys with a reader who's going thru a depressive episode? im just goin thru stuff rn, if u can't its fine.
So, hows ur day been?
I hope you're well
have a great day! <33
byebye💖
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notes: anonnie;;; i hope you are feeling better when you finally read this;;; this took so long, im sorry. i have been busy and there are lot of things going on, but i am fine thank you for asking :> and hey, a depressive episode could be tough. but you got this! okay? try to take it slow and step by step, drink water, eat food, and move around a bit. a light walk or a stretch is okay. like how the clouds always change, things will change. i hope reading this could give you a little happiness, especially when you need it.
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isagi
if you are looking for someone who will listen and give practical advice without dismissing your feelings or concerns, honestly he is the one. especially as a boyfriend, you can trust him to be the one who will sit beside you on the sofa while wrapping you in the blanket. will ask you what you want to eat and the moment you decide to fight the cold hard life back, don’t worry, your isagi yoichi will be your #1 supporter! especially if you guys have spent more time in the relationship, he really is good at balancing giving comfort while still giving you trust to walk on your own. though he sometimes couldn’t 100% understand your point of view, but the sincerity in his effort to be always there for you is no joke. he promised every part of him he could give to you and he means every word of it.
bachira
who hurt his baby—he will fight it. somehow. he has this odd sixth sense when it comes to you. just with a glance, he will immediately get how down you feel and what you need. a joke and a cheer up along with many kisses? coming right up. a listener who will hug you like a koala? do you want to do that while cuddling in the bed or in public in front of his friends because he won’t hesitate honestly. just say what you want—if he must eat a cake messily like 5 year old to make you laugh then so be it. will get you out for recreation the moment he could and if he couldn’t that means it’s time for his creativity to shine (and boy does it always shine). but if the one that makes you feel down is someone, bachira is not one for violence but he could you know. if you want. (please stop him.)
rin
if you don’t cry, at best he will be an awkward listener—but a good listener nonetheless. if you cry, though, honestly he will panic. this guy is already not good with his own emotions, so you need to be clear about what you want with him. he is not the best with words though, and advice he offers is usually either “let me just fix this for you” or a straight up detached, objective one that is better offered to someone with a cool head and controlled emotion. therefore, more often than not, he opts to just listen and hold your hand. he will try to help, though, and if he can’t—at the very least you will get a really menacing guard dog who won’t let anyone mess with you while you are trying to get up. (also, go tell him to buy something. his credit card is ready and feeling like he is doing something for you is good for the both of you.)
sae
itoshi gene is harsh and he is somehow worse than his brother in this scenario. he is a naturally critical person towards anything. if you are ready to get your fault pointed out and think up a “what can i do to make this better or avoid this from happening again” go to him, but if you are looking for someone who will listen or give validation, as much as you love him, don’t. him and a terrible headspace is not a good combination. however, a direct “can you hug me?” or a “can you do something for me?” is not completely out of the question—he, after all, still cares about you. high chance he won’t ask, especially if you said you don’t want to say anything, but in this situation the softer part of him who has a hard time saying no to you truly comes out. a movie night, even if it involves the goddamned fries, would happen. he is smart enough to know when to spoil you, especially since he knows your habits and tendencies by heart.
kunigami
the sort of person who sees a hint of gloom on your face and immediately cradles it with a tenderness that no one would expect from someone with his build. he is a good, caring person by nature, if you are looking for someone to help you, he is the best choice. he can be clumsy sometimes and the words he gives to cheer you up have a high chance of being uttered with a lot of pauses in the middle—but the way he acts will probably be enough to bring a smile to your face again (and he will also smile along with you when this happen because by god you are his happiness). all those aside, high chance he can’t give advice, but he will give you top-notch cheering up—words, actions, cuddles, everything—along with genuine validation. (especially after wild card, he has seen hell. “feeling terrible” is something he understands a lot.)
kaiser
for this one i won’t sugarcoat it: jesus christ. why. is there no one else?
jokes aside, as i love to bully him a bit here, objectively—this really depends on the sort of type of person you are. if you are looking for advice or validation or a listener—not him. but if you are the sort of person who prefers a distraction or the “tough love” sort of motivation that is more scathing and heartless—borderline degrading—he is the one. out of spite, his words are probably enough to spur you into action, forgetting whatever blue feeling you have as it has turned into a red raging anger. however, a little note, believe it or not, this actually comes from a caring place in his heart. kaiser is someone with many, many harsh edges—and this comes more from “i rather see you angry and living than seeing you down without me being able to do anything” root that he rather die than say out loud.
nagi
the best you could get is a passive listener. worse you can get is a passive listener who still plays games. the worst you can get is that one scene where isagi has a legitimate concern and gets his hair pulled by this guy. another one who is better to have as a company in seeking distraction for the time than anything. but, despite how admittedly terrible he is in cheering you up with words, he truly makes it up by action when it finally hits him how down and different you are. it will take a few hours or a few days, but he will get there. afterward, expect many small sweet gestures ranging from cute gifts, your favorite snacks, et cetera. your chatroom with him will too suddenly get noisy with many cute stickers and “u ok? :x” for at least a few weeks. (also he is shameless enough to ask out loud to his teammates about what should he do with you when he realizes how stuck he is. so hey. there is that: possible extra brains if you need a solution.)
reo
common knowledge that he never shies away from using that money of his when he needs to and this is one of those situations where he genuinely considers taking you away for a trip so you can feel better near a sunny beach or a peaceful lake—you pick. if you don’t want that, however, this guy is still the best when it comes to understanding you and will be there until you give him a smile. what else do you expect from someone with a complete set of love languages? do watch out though, he is also someone who could get angry pretty quickly, especially when it involves something or someone he cares about—and this time it’s you. on a brighter note, though, this means if you are looking for someone to shit talk with, he is the one. he is a smart caring boyfriend, so talking with him during this time will do a lot of good to you. a good advice along with good validation.
bonus round:
barou — has this very awkward and unique way of cheering you up by getting you to clean the house along with him (and somehow he is less strict with you this time) and then cooking for you after; somehow always works like a charm. yukimiya — do you know all those shoujo manga perfect handsome famous sporty smart boyfriends? this is it. coming to you live. chigiri — shit-talking session that will soon move on to a pep talk that will give you every bit of confidence and drive you to need. a best friend and a boyfriend in one package. one of the people who truly knows and understands how despairing an overwhelming situation could be. karasu — will he tease you a bit like a meanie to distract you, ironically? yes. but if you need an advisor to brainstorm the best possible solution he is also the one.
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robby-bobby-tommy · 1 year
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It's once again a nighttime and I'm once again here with scene/character analysis.
As it's prominent from the last few post I'm a quite Ultra Magnus enjoyer, and I'm very upset at how people see him as heartless nerd. I see him as a person very damaged by the war. So here's some of my thoughts.
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Ultra Magnus has a great problems with fitting in, because he forgot how to be in this kind of relationship and it's just depressing. For at least a century he has been in a war that took all his time for friends and especially family. And part of me thinks it is because Ultra Magnus is used to communication with orders. In "Evolution" we can see how he really tries to start a conversation, but all he knows now is orders and missions. And the next problem with him is he doesn't belong. He doesn't know what a family is, Wheeljack sends very clear messages that he is not welcomed to the Wreckers. Magnus felt completely isolated and this inability to make deeper connections than commander-soldier doesn't let him comprehend familial relationships. And I have some proofs.
The most important one is this line.
"The members of team prime are not cogs in a machine."
Why would Optimus use this particular line? It felt very meaningful and even as a non-english speaker, I felt it was very important for Ultra Magnus' character. So I went to Internet for the answer and I found this..
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This one line opened a lot abt my boy. UM considers himself and team Prime through this war prism. "You are important,but we know how war is. Everyone can't survive. Sometimes you have to sacrifice something for a better outcome. Magnus doesn't think he's better than the rest of Team Prime, quite contrary, he holds himself by the same standards. I think Ultra Magnus sees himself as this metaphorical cog in a machine. He is important now, but if he isn't important in great scheme of things. This sounds like a very army type of mentality. He's prepared to die for a mission and sees little value in himself apart from weaponry and missions. So when Predaking had him and Wheeljack cornered he accepted it fairly quickly, yet was saddened with a thought of joining the allspark, especially with Wheeljack, whom he is to protect as his subordinate.
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After Ultra Magnus wakes up, he's met with a lot of pleasant developments. Now he is fully accepted, Team Prime is by his side, and even Wheeljack drops this very meaningful line "Magnus fought like a wrecker"(=you're accepted in our group). And after finally asking OP about what was a Team Prime, he found out about a new concept, that basically breaks all his perceptions.
Family.
It isn't the army, or the elite guard where you are easily replaceable and aren't important. Now Ultra Magnus is family. And, forgive me for cliché, but you can't replace a family. They all are accepting each other and won't willingy leave someone behind for a brighter future.
I think if Ultra Magnus had more screen time his arc would be about relearning to care/connect in a deeper way and finding your own and others' importance, showcasing hardships of a soldier, trying to become more relaxed and closer to a people he knows and loves.
Or mb I just overanalyze one line¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(Also UM and OP have this so sweet bond. Former is, being as socially awkward as he is, still being honest about his feelings and asking smt he doesn't understand. And Optimus completely trusts his lieutenant with the team family and is able to see when the other's uncomfortable/sad. I dunno, they're so brothers/friends. They're very close without having much interactions on screen.)
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