#to be fair i can't decide whether to have said brother ending up 'just' another fallen knight or knight turned heretic. *slowly rotating*

[cantspelldragoonwithoutgoon]

favorite: Does your OC have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? What is it? What's the meaning behind it? Do they wear it all the time or do they wear it sparingly to keep it safe?

Unfortunately the only screenshots i have readily at hand where the sweet pea necklace actually shows are a little questionable...

She got it from her brother and wears it virtually all the time. I like to think it's made from enamel* or sth more durable than just a dried flower. It's a memento, ... you know how things used to be in Ishgard back in the day TvT

thank you for asking @mirrim-moondreamer (づ˶•༝•˶)づ🎈♡

obligatory ramble warning

*enamel was quite popular as a way to add colour and non-gemstone shinies in early medieval jewelry iirc (it's been a while i forgot so many things oof) so aesthetically that would fit right into ishgardian fashion imho. it's also way cheaper than real gems and i assume even polished glass, so that also goes with the whole all but penniless barely-even-noble getting his (adopted) little sister something nice for her nameday thing. me, overthinking glamour pieces? never. (<- all the time in fact)

[young7711]

I love you | Shane Walsh

Summary: You are both scared to tell the other “I love you.”

Fluff, angst, cuss words, gif not mine

Rick Grimes can't help but smirk at the look on his best friend’s face. The look of being in love. Shane has been quiet for the past 5 minutes as he stares at you helping Lori and Carol make dinner for everyone.

You and Shane had met on the highway as the world went to shit. You happen to be in the car beside his when the traffic was at a stand still. You two ended up clicking pretty quickly and you stayed with him and the others after they all saw the bombs go down in the city.

A few weeks after setting camp in the woods, you two eventually gave into the attraction you had for each other and haven't looked back since.

"You love them," Rick states.

Shane finally pulls his eyes away from you and looks to the man he calls a brother. And someone he thought was dead until recently.

"Huh?”

Rick glances at you before looking back at Shane. "You heard me."

Shane clears his throat. "I'm scared to tell them." he says, settling his gaze back at you. "I've never said that to a significant other and actually meant it before."

Rick chuckles at the way this person has completely changed his best friend for the better.

"Man, shut up." Shane mutters.

Rick claps down his hand down on Shane's shoulder. “Brother, just tell them. It's literally the end of the world and we are never promised tomorrow."

Shane looks at you as you happen to look over at him. You give him a wink before turning back to the task at hand.

"I'll do it sometime. Soon. Maybe tonight."

-------

"You love him." Lori states with a grin on her face.

You blush as she caught you staring at Shane with his button up shirt wide open. He has it like that all the time because he knows you like it.

You busy yourself again with the food in front of you. "Shut up," you say playfully.

"Have you told him?"

"No, I haven't." You give Lori a pointed look. "And I'm not going to. Yet."

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

You didn't really know what you were waiting for. Even as the world ends, you still have a hard time expressing your feelings. Maybe even more now because someone could be dead any day. You are scared with how much you love Shane because you don't know how you would survive if he died.

"It's just hard because we met as the world ended," you sat lowly so no one else can hear, "And I know that now more than ever no one is guaranteed another day - or even hour, second." You take a deep breath. "I guess I am scared to be all the way in emotionally."

Lori gets closer and wraps an arm around you in a hug. "I get where you are coming from, but I think at his point it is going to hurt like hell whether you tell him you love him or not."

You let out a long breath. "I know you're right. I'll tell him soon.”

“Do it tonight.”

------

The whole day you've been a nervous wreck. You want to tell him. You need to tell him. What Lori said has worked you up so much that you can't keep still. In order to calm your anxious thoughts, you decide to take a walk. Alone. Without telling anybody. Which is something you are definitely NOT supposed to do.

But the peace and quiet calms you. It almost takes you back to before. Before all your lives changed for the absolute worst. You think about Shane. Well, maybe not the absolute worst.

You are about ten minutes away from camp when you hear a noise.

You still as you hear it again - a shuffle of the leaves somewhere ahead of you.

You slowly unsheathe your blade before creeping toward the noise. If it is a walker, it only sounds like one so surely you could get it.

You move toward where the sound is coming from behind this thick tree.

Just as you are about to look, Shane finally spots you after he’s been looking for a few minutes since Dale had told him what direction you had gone.

"Y/n!"

You jerk around to see Shane jogging toward you, but still a fair distance away.

"What do you think -" his eyes go wide as he sees something over your shoulder, "Y/n!"

You're able to turn around just in time for the walker to fall into you. You let out a scream as you use your arms and legs to shove the walker off of you.

The walker tries to lunge toward you again, but you kick it in the head before grabbing your knife and stabbing it right in-between the eyes - killing it instantly.

"Y/n!"

Suddenly Shane is in front of you, grabbing ahold of your face. He checks your face and arms, looking for any bite or scratch from that monster.

"Shane," you try to calm him even though you’re a little shaken yourself, but you can see the wildness in his eyes. He had almost lost you.

"Shane," you try again. "I'm fine. I'm ok. I'm fine." It's your turn to take his face in your hands so he would focus on you and what you're saying. "I'm not bit. I'm not scratched. I'm fine."

Shane nods and you can see him visibly relax. "Why- why would you go off by yourself? We have a system, y/n. We have a system to keep us safe."

"I know, baby. I'm sorry."

Shane shakes his head. "I just - I can't lose ya, y/n. I love ya too damn much and I would be a broken man if you were gone."

You pause at those three words you have been so stressed over.

"You love me?"

Shane freezes for just a moment before leaning his forehead against yours.

"Of course I love you, woman."

You lean forward to gently press your lips against his.

"I love you too, Shane Walsh."

[monpalace]

Pardon the intrusion, dearies! I hope everyone is doing well. Ahem, may I request headcannons for a flirty GN! MC and the first years?

I'm imagining Deuce's reaction as I write this down. Thank you!

eni smiles as they grab an empty orb. they think for a moment before responding. "happy to help! no worries, no worries!" the spirit chirps, settling themself to float above you.

ACE TRAPPOLA

he'd be caught off guard the first two times, then go back full force

ace's blush would most definitely be worth it. he can't decide whether to hide his face behind his hand to avoid allowing you to see his face flush red or cross his arms across his chest to look like it didn't affect him

in the end he'd just do a mix of the two. after that, it's battle of the pick-up so i'll be praying that you're able to take it

when he was younger, he heard his brother flirting with people and on top of that he looked up lines for any future s/o's so he'd be set. to an extent

i can't promise that they won't be dumb or the delivery won't be shaky, but he'll always hit you with a wink, finger gun, and that finger heart thing he does in his cards

pray you don't get flustered during one of his responses because he will not stop teasing you

a pair of arms wrap around your torso, pulling you back into someone's chest. "hello~," the man hums in your ear.

you heave a sigh as you turn your head to face him, hand raising to place itself on his cheek. "hello, darling."

ace steels himself from jumping at the petname. instead, he flinches and plays it off as a gentle sway. the redhead pushes his head into your neck with a groan.

"we've been over this, ace. you can't surpass me." you ruffle his hair with a laugh before continuing as you were.

DEUCE SPADE

please let him breath between lines. i mean, since getting a s/o, he's been in disbelief— but these flirts just top that. if you’re not dating, that just makes it worse because do they even like me?? is this a sign??

error 404 screen anytime you try and pull one over on him. pray he doesn't stop functioning completely

ace would try and push deuce to you in order to get him to flirt back

everytime he tries to, he ends up stuttering so you might just have to give him a couple minutes? hours? seconds. on the off chance that he does get the line out without much fall, he'd immediately become embarrassed and bombard you with apologies

he can only take so much before his internal screeching becomes external. he can only take subtle flirts and h*ndh*lding in public

everything else is fair game in private. can't guarantee his reaction to your actions though

deuce's breathing falters once again upon hearing your airy laugh. "h— huh?" he stammers, wringing his hands together.

"i said are you doing any better now." you repeat, placing a hand on his shoulder. "you stopped breathing for a moment. thought i lost you!"

the teen's face flushes as though he were riddle. "i'm.. i'm sorry prefect!" he exclaims, bowing his head in shame.

you shake your head and shake your hands in front of your chest. "deuce! you're fine, i didn't realize you would act like that!"

JACK HOWL

jack "i gonna act like i hate everything you do when i'm actually trying to keep my tail from wagging like a pup" howl? mkay

he'd do that head turn, arms cross pose whenever you do hit him with a flirt. jack backs himself into a wall in order to either hide or pin his tail to it, trying to hide it's wagging as mentioned

"y/n, quit it." everytime you do hit him with another flirt

jack wouldn't attempt to flirt back with you because he's never been in a situation like this and doesn't know how to correctly respond

never do it in public because he might just sprint speedwalk away from you if you did. that is if you're not together

if you're going overboard with it, he'd either push your shoulder lightly or bring you into his chest in an effort to shut you up

jack's arms fold over each other as he turns his head. he could feel his tail begin swaying back and forth, starting to pick up speed the longer it went on.

placing a hand on his bicep, you look down at the white appendage with a smile. "a wagging tail?" you ask rhetorically. "that means your happy to see me, no?"

the beastman sighs heavily through his nose. he moves one of his arms towards your face, making your eyebrows raise in surprise.

"prefect," jack grumbles with a growing smile. his hand tilts so that it could cover the entirety of your mouth. "shut it."

EPEL FELMIER

like ace, he'd be caught off guard in the first couple of times before trying to come back with his own flirts to be manly

epel's pick-up lines would be spontaneous. he'd pop up out of nowhere and link your arms together/wrap an arm around your waist/try to pick you up

if vil was ever around he'd shut shit down so quick and rook would try and set you two up on romantic dates. if you're only doing this for fun never let the fact that you're flirting with epel get to rook. the dates would be inevitable

seeing as there was no one around his age in the village of harvest, this has never happened to him [unless you count grannies complementing him] so he'd definitely take this as a learning opportunity for future reference

he responds to you with a slightly flushed face and hearty chuckle

please don't bully him for his late response [he's trying to think of something to tell you], he might just fight you. relationship status be damned

epel grabs your hand and hold them between your own as he sinks to one of his knees in front of you. "prefect, aside from taking my breath away, what do you do for a living?"

"that was cute," you snort. "rook?"

the male huffs as he stands back up. "he wouldn't let me leave without saying it."

an obnoxious clapping starts from one of the nearby trees. "my apologies for disrupting this moment, but that was magnifique, monsieur cherry apple!"

SEBEK ZIGVOLT

i don't think he's interacted with a woman outside of his mother and sisters

he'd yell. everytime. every damn time. i don't know what you expected from him. it's sebek

"HUMAN! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?", "HUMAN, WE'RE IN FRONT OF OTHERS, PLEASE!", "HUMAN! HOW COULD YOU BE SO OBSCENE!"

he'd ask lilia for help. lilia was no help. the only thing he got was teasing and pick-up lines from 1686.

once again, i can't guarantee they'll be good, but he's trying his best so please just reassure him that it wasn't dumb

wishes he went to silver instead because lilia is constantly dragging him off to hear how his advice went. would never go to malleus because he wouldn't want to bother the great young master with his trivial matters even though malleus wouldn't know how to help regardless

sebek's hand flies up to his face as he backs up to a wall with a face only the crimson blood of battle could compare. it takes his entire being to keep from curling in on himself. he was a knight for seven's sake, act like it!"

my apologies, darling." the knight says in an uncharacteristically low voice.

you wrap your arms around his waist, cheek resting on his shoulder. "i think it was nice. very like you."

sebek's hands lower as he looks at you with a slight glare. "is that a insult?" to which you respond with a shake of your head. "compliment."

[kachuuyaa]

##MELANCHOLY'S INTOXiCATiON — genshin impact

g.i, kaeya, fic? drabble?

1CHARACTER; KAEYA

2GENRE; fluff? i dunno

3INCLUDES; alcohol, kaeya being drunk, kaeya, reader being sick and tired Damn u just want to sleep, u playing the piano because youre a Good Friend 🤣💥😲⁉️😲

4AUTHOR’S NOTES ?! sometimes i want to hug kaeya sometimes i want to punch him 😘🤨 love him though he’s just an asshole sometimes your honor

5SYNOPSIS; was it intoxication that led them to you? They say you succumb to impulsiveness when you drink, but was it really impulsiveness when they showed up at your doorstep? In which, they stumble onto your house, inebriated and miserable. out of pity, (at least, that's what you say) you lay them on your couch and play a piano piece for them. Since when did you play the piano?

..WAS IT A HARD DAY FOR HIM? HE himself didn't know. Whatever it is, it ended up being one of those nights. his breathing unstable, head down low, fingers entangling a glass of the famous Death After Noon. His memories, however, are what he's trying to forget for the night (as always, but really, he wouldn't admit it.) but, much to his displeasure, while he was trying to drown his life away with his drinks, his memories decide to drown him in. Kaeya liked to call himself confident and exceptional, but with you, his confidence seemed to lessen. How dare you, he thinks, familiar yet in denial with these feelings, how dare you make me able to feel such things, he thinks again, he blames you, it's a daily thing for him now, whenever his emotions go haywire, when he looks at you and feels— nervous, at first, why would he feel nervous? He knew the answer already. Although Kaeya Alberich, ever the cunning liar, thinks—oh, no, he knows, that it's but a crush. Now, though? Oh, how you've swept said Cavalry Captain, he's absolutely smitten for you, and he wonders if you are too. He doesn't know, nor he doesn't care how many ounces he has drunk, but it seems enough for him to get sent out by his beloved brother. A scowl printed on the redhead's face, snatching his brother's cup when he was about to order— again. Seriously, when he's in love, (was that the right word to describe it, now?) he managed to get more annoying, that doesn't make him less irresistible. (at least, that's what he thinks.) Diluc only sighs, however, concern replacing his aloof demeanor. they weren't on the best of terms, per se— scratch that, they weren't on good terms. Have you ever seen Diluc without his scowl whenever his eyes land on Kaeya? "Go home, Kaeya." Diluc warns, but Kaeya only smiles, "Is dear brother worried for me?" He says, slurred— but his stepbrother was able to notice the slight tease on his tone. He clicked his tongue, turning away, to revel in the light the moon provided. It's almost like the sky, the gods, were mocking the cavalry captain. His periwinkle eye shines under the twilight, making his face a sight to those who noticed. He grunts, standing up from his seat, legs a bit wobbly due to the amount of drinking he had done. a few crack of his joints, he managed to stand up straight— for a few seconds, that is. He turns around, back to where his stepbrother was last seen, "See you soon, brother, goo— ah," he spoke, a pained click of his tongue was heard; he gained a headache. "Good night." He managed to voice out, stepping out of the tavern, footsteps uneven and vision blurred. He could only imagine a faint "take care of yourself, Kaeya." from Diluc.

A knock on your door, who could it be? At this hour, as well? [Name], ever the overthinker. Capable of replacing Kaeya's position on the Knights Of Favonius, do you think? You really did not have the energy to tend to anyone today. Although you really didn't do anything today, let's gloss over that. The moon— reminds you of that periwinkle eye that never seems to leave your figure. You weren't an idiot, you knew, but what you didn't know, was did he know that you know? He didn't, actually. He tried being subtle; he thought he was being subtle. He was described as observant, yet he still doesn't know that he's not being subtle; was it on purpose? You didn't know, and yet, you can't find yourself to care. You just needed confirmation. To be fair, when you dream about him and when he manages to have the key to your heart, does that mean you love him? Another knock, this time, louder. Letting out a 'tch' in frustration, you get up, walking to the door as slowly as possible. Was it cruel, to make the unexpected and definitely unwanted visitor wait for a while? To you, obviously not. You were about to sleep, for fucks' sake. Turning the doorknob, You were met with quite an unexpected sight. Kaeya, the man you were thinking about just a few moments ago, slumped on the wall near your door, clothes disheveled, lips stained with what you could make out as wine, hair tousled, some strands falling on his face, a slight blush on his cheeks— something you have never seen before, and his hands were placed on his forehead. He was heavily breathing and seemed to have put your attention on you when you oh so softly called out his name. "Hello, darling," the pet name rolled off his tongue before he could prevent it. Was this man trying to kill you? If he is, he's doing a damn good job. (just like he always is.) with his noticeable, yet unique eyes boring into your own, his features being illuminated, courtesy of the moonlight. Quickly snapping out of your thoughts, you turned to the man looking at you. "Why.." you made a circling motion with your pointer finger, to which Kaeya chuckled at. His voice, raspy, entered your ears and led you to the conclusion that he was, once again, drunk. "I think you have an idea, princess." He said, the pet name once again leaving his mouth. You could feel your face heating up, however, that was the least of your concerns. "Anyways.." He trailed off, cocking his head to the door, "Are you gonna let me in?" He really didn't want to entertain any questions relating to why he came to your house instead of his, (once again, he decides to blame it on his feelings-- on you) but he decides to play along; that's what he does best, no?

You reluctantly let him in, hearing a relieved ‘thank you’ from the blue-haired man. Contemplating whether to make him sleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom— did you even have one? You forgot the interior of your house due to how tired you are. Not that you were complaining, thinking makes your head hurt on nights like these. in the middle of your internal monologue, Kaeya made himself comfortable on your couch; a squeak was heard when he was shifting. You quickly shifted your gaze to the man who is now in front of you. Silence fills the canvas that is the sky and your living room. "Remove your accessories," You mumble, hoping that he would hear it. He flicked his head to you, smirking, "At least take me out for drinks," He teased, and you couldn't help but deadpan at him. Oh, you’re taking him out alright. With a sword. Although intoxicated, his teasing was still unrelenting. He obeyed you, either way, taking off his cape, (was it a cape? it looks like so.) and his pelt of fur, placing them carefully on the small coffee table in front of him. Then, his boots came off as well. "Enjoying the view, hm?" He cooed, locking his eyes with yours, and you let out an amused hum, unfazed by his antics. "Right," you really don't want to deal with this today. It's late at night, and this Cavalry Captain decided to barge into your doorstep. You didn't want to ask why, though, he'll tease you relentlessly while avoiding the topic. You grabbed some spare pillows and blankets from your other room. Internally clicking your tongue and cursing him out in your mind, you halted your footsteps when you saw him sleeping. His mouth was slightly agape and his legs were (long, was your first thought) bent so he could fit on your couch. Snickering to yourself, you gently lifted his head up to put the pillow below him, and a blanket on top of him. Thinking about it, you doubted the reason why he came here was to bring false hope. To make you believe that you actually had the chance to be with the Kaeya Alberich, the proclaimed bachelor of Mondstadt. You knew how many people would kill to be in your place right now, but that, you could care less about. Kaeya was unpredictable; you knew. You kept learning new things about him every day, but to others, it may seem that he could read you like the back of your hand. He wasn't wrong, nor was he right, but the things you do are sometimes predictable, some even more so than others. You surprise him, you really do; you could learn things and adapt to certain situations in a snap, and that was probably what allured him. You were attractive, it was obvious, it doesn't take a genius to see that, but what attracted him was the personality you never showed to people. It was a privilege to Kaeya, to him, at least. You sighed, walking towards your grand piano in the center of the living room, light reflecting from its material. You made sure your footsteps were soft so as not to disturb the man on your couch, and you sat down. A melody won't hurt, would it?

your fingers worked their way to the keyboard, and then, you play. Your fingers were like weavers— skilfully weaving a masterpiece and satisfying its client, and you— clearly you weren't going to fail such powerful pianists, now would you? You were painting a canvas using your fingers, pressing on its keys ever so gently; the music traveling with the wind. You had a natural talent for piano, it was obvious, you never had a hard time implementing piano pieces onto your head. Your fingers were single-handedly forming a story on their own on the piano, pressing onto its tiles and carefully playing each note. Kaeya, on the other hand, was never asleep. This was one of the moments where you never fail to surprise him. Piano? Since when were you able to play such an instrument? You never mentioned such a thing to him, nor to anyone he could recall. Could he say that this melody you were playing, just for him, made him fall even harder? It was a pit that he could never escape, he realized that. Maybe the reason why he was here was that he was looking for you. He knew that he loved you, he's not denying it anymore. Who knew that such a simple piece could impact someone's thoughts—

Kaeya's thoughts? Simple, because it was you who was playing it, you, the person who he has fallen in love with, who never fails to make his heart race even when you just spare a glance at him, and you, who has amazed him in more ways than one. He slept soundly to the tune of your melody, dreaming about you, and he wondered, are you dreaming about him too?

26052021 , © kachuuyaa | do not claim my work as your own.

not proofread.

[joaquinwhorres]

hoax (Ch. 1) {Sirius Black x F!OC}

SUMMARY ››››› It started out as a simple bet: who could get the girl chosen for them first? After four years of half-hearted attempts, Sirius decides it’s time to make a concerted effort to win over the notoriously undateable Florence Saise.

WORD COUNT ››››› 4,100-ish

WARNINGS ››››› Pretty much every chapter is going to have mentions of sex. Including this one.

A/N ››››› I'm so thankful to every single person who responded to my incessant "does this line make sense?" or "can you read this to tell me what you think?" Without you guys this never would have been uploaded, and I'd never already have the start of a second chapter.

Series Masterlist | Read on ff.net | Read on AO3

Florence Saise was rather convinced that she was the only person not excited to find themselves back at Hogwarts. Everyone else seemed to be coping with the looming start of the school year just fine, if the laughter and shouts that greeted her as she flung open the carriage door was any indication. It was, by all accounts that mattered, (which is to say, hers) not fair.

The blonde haired girl jumped down from the horseless carriage, landing with a heavier thump than might have been expected from her small frame. Before her, masses of students cursed up the hill chattering to one another with smiles on their faces. Not one had the same little crease between their eyebrows that threatened to turn into a full-on scowl.

It was as if every single one of them had either forgotten the bullshit that came along with living amongst their peers or were still blissfully unaware of the curse that was adolescence. Even her friends, who hopped down out of the carriage behind her, seemed too entrenched in the debate that had stretched from the train compartment to the carriage, to fully register what being back at Hogwarts meant.

"You've been quiet, Lory, what do you think?" Marlene asked, throwing an arm around Florence's shoulder as the small group of girls joined the throng of students.

"If Sebastian doesn't know what to do with his tongue when kissing, there's not much hope for him using it elsewhere. You'd do better with Roger."

"Aha!" Marlene cried out triumphantly, pointing a finger at Mary. "That makes it two for Roger, one for Sebastian, and one for giving up on boys all together," she tallied as Florence shrugged out from under her arm. Lily appeared on Florence's other side, trapping Florence in the middle of the group.

"You can't just use physical stuff as the metric for whether or not a relationship will be any good," Lily asserted. "There's more to dating than snogging and sex."

"Says the person who's never properly snogged anyone," Marlene stage whispered to Mary.

"Exactly," Lily said, perhaps a little too passionately. "And look how fulfilled I am."

Marlene shot Florence a skeptical look, and Lily reached across her to smack at Marlene's arm. This started another round of fierce debating, Lily reminding Mary that Sebastian had written her once a week all summer whereas Roger had only written four times, Marlene reminding Mary that she didn't want to die a virgin, and Dorcas reminding Mary that she never had any of these problems with her girlfriends.

Florence felt a dull needling, like a knuckle digging into the side of her head. At this rate, she was going to have a headache before they even reached the castle.

The Gryffindor strode ahead of the group, near enough that she wouldn't catch any flack for abandoning them but far enough that she could more easily drown out their bickering. She would give anything for just a single moment of peace today. Between her father and brother waking her up with their argument to Lily and Marlene's stupid battle over who Mary should date, all Florence wanted was ten minutes where she didn't get roped into playing referee.

But as she looked up ahead on the path, her eyes landing on James Potter and his crew, it seemed like peace was not in the cards for her today.

The group of boys were laughing amongst each other as they subtly enchanted trees to tap students on the shoulder or grab an unsuspecting second year. It was, objectively speaking, rather funny to witness the reactions of their various victims. One boy let out a startled shriek so loud, Florence would have expected it to come from a banshee. Another girl was attempting to fight off a branch that kept pulling at her plait. The problem with Potter and them's joke was not so much the unrest it caused amongst the students ahead of Florence.

The problem was Lily.

"You have got to be kidding me," Lily sighed, cutting Marlene off mid sentence. "What's even the point in making Remus a prefect if he's going to let his friends get away with everything?"

Before any of the girls had a chance to talk Lily down, the prefect marched up the hill with impressive speed, her hair billowing behind her.

"I am not missing this," Marlene said eagerly, grabbing Mary by the hand and tugging her up the hill with her. Dorcas and Florence shared a look and a sigh, before following them after Lily.

"Potter!" Lily shouted, and the group of boys came to an abrupt stop, nearly causing the group of Ravenclaws behind them to collide with their backs.

"Ah the dulcet tones of Lily Evans," James Potter said as he turned around to face the fuming redhead, a smirk set firmly in place.

Lily pulled up right in front of him, chest heaving from her quick trip up the hill. "You are to stop using magic at once or else I'll be forced to give you detention."

"I'm not sure what you mean," Potter said, tilting his head and allowing confusion to overtake his features. Lily's scowl deepened, clearly not buying the act. "I think you and I are both aware that it's against the rules to use magic before term starts, and we're not even at the castle yet."

Behind him, Pettigrew and Black snickered. The sound seemed to bolster James Potter's already rampant egotism as the smirk returned once more to his face.

"Unless of course, you're saying that I've enchanted you. Do you find me bewitching, Evans?" Potter asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"I think I've made it quite clear what I think of you, James Potter," Lily snapped, her hands balling into fists at her sides. "10 points from Gryffindor."

"Ah, Evans," Potter tsked, as if regretting the fact that he would have to share bad news with her. "Prefects can't take points until the start of term. Learned that fourth year," he added on, dropping the sympathetic act.

Marlene nudged Florence with her elbow and held out her hand expectantly. Florence's eyes moved from the open palm to her friend's gaze, raising an eyebrow.

"I believe you owe me a hundred galleons," Marlene informed her, a smile tugging at her lips even as she fought to remain serious. "As James Potter has just confirmed that he has, in fact, learned something in his past five years here."

"That doesn't count," Florence said dryly, slapping Marlene's palm down even as Marlene grinned at her winningly. The stare off between a seething Lily and smug James was looking very much like it was about to end in a murder. Remus Lupin must have also caught onto this because he shook his head and finally stepped forward.

"Come on, let's at least make it to the castle this year before you and Lily have a row," he appealed, making a half-decent attempt at Prefect-like behavior.

Potter turned to his friend with a magnanimous smile. "Since you asked so kindly, Moony," Potter paused, shooting Lily a look. "I'll make sure there is no more confusion about whether or not we might have been doing magic. Watch carefully, Evans. I'm putting my wand in my back pocket. Feel free to track its progress up the hill," he added with a wink.

Lily let out a disgusted noise as Marlene snorted, and Potter turned to continue back up the hill with his friends, Sirius Black playfully pushing him as he rejoined the group.

"What a wanker," Lily murmured, watching the boys go.

"Maybe, but he's looking well fit," Marlene noted, taking Potter up on his offer to make sure his wand stayed in his back pocket. "You could do a lot worse than James Potter."

Lily whirled on Marlene, emitting a scandalized,  " Marlene! "

The dark haired girl laughed and shook her head. "Oh come off it, Lils, he's smart, funny, attractive, all of which is important to you, and," she looked around before leaning forward conspiratorially. "I've heard his wandwork isn't the only magical thing he can do with his hands." Marlene wiggled her fingers at Lily, who pulled back looking so pale that for a moment, Florence thought she might actually be sick.

Which was far too hilarious not to laugh at. So she did, earning a dark look from Lily and a shiteating grin from Marlene.

Lily rounded back on Marlene before shaking her head and starting back up to the castle.  "He's not funny; he's cruel. And he's only half as smart as he thinks he is."

"So you agree he's attractive?" Marlene asked, raising an eyebrow, and Lily's face turned bright red before she managed to sputter out a:

"Looks don't mean anything!"

"She's right," Dorcas added. Contributing to the conversation for the first time with the decisiveness that the girls had come to expect from her.  "Looks don't mean anything. But being good with his hands, well…"

Lily emitted a strangled sound somewhere between disbelief and mild outrage as the rest of her friends laughed at her and moved past on their way to the castle. A small feeling in Florence's chest loosened as she walked with them, the conversation alternating between teasing Lily and debating between Roger and Sebastian. Maybe this year wouldn't be quite as bad as the past five.

Naturally, the hope of a better year was squashed the very next day.

This, of course, should have been expected. After all, the first day of classes was primarily meant for overloading students with work they weren't yet prepared for and reminding them that their very futures depended on the mastery of the material. However, those spiels were not the giveaway that this year would be more or less the same in terms of teenage bullshit as the years prior. What it really came down to was her Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

The death of her hope began the moment she walked into the classroom and was faced with an obscenely tall and lanky man, dressed in a smart tweed suit with his chin length hair tucked behind his ears. A name was written in halting cursive on the chalkboard behind him.

Oleander Fernsby.

It was a ridiculous name for what was, by all indicators, a ridiculous man.

Although, as Florence watched the way his eyes darted around the classroom, shooting away every time a student got too close to making eye contact, she began to think that perhaps ridiculous was the wrong word. It suggested a certain confidence that this man in front of her was severely lacking.

It was painful to watch really, seeing him hoist the corners of his mouth up just to seem to lose his grip and have the smile come crashing down again. Both of his hands were shoved into his pants pockets, the right one fiddling with something it found in there so that the pocket almost seemed to flutter with his nervous energy. Even as she sat down next to Marlene, Florence couldn't take her eyes off of this clear disaster waiting to happen.

"This is going to be interesting," Marlene noted with raised eyebrows as she tapped her quill tip on the desk. "Reckon he'll make it the whole year?"

"Reckon he'll make it to the end of the month?" Florence returned, and Marlene snorted.

The last of the students shuffled into the room, claiming desks next to their friends and casting skeptical looks up at the unusual choice for professor. Even Remus Lupin looked unsure about Dumbledore's choice as he sat with eyebrows raised and a slight frown on his face.

The professor cleared his throat, which was completely ineffective when it came to quelling the murmurings of students sizing him up.

"Excuse me," he said, his voice dipping down into a mumble on the last syllable. As could be expected, the class' attention remained on their own conversations.

" Merlin's beard," Dorcas muttered under her breath from behind Florence. The professor furrowed his brow, a look of resolve on his face before trying again.

"Good morning." He had added a bit of volume and force assertiveness to his voice, but it wasn't until Potter hit Black on the shoulder and gestured with his head to the professor that the talking in the room tapered off. Faced with a room of quiet students, he succeeded in finally managing a weak smile.

"Good morning," he repeated, his voice soft but steady at least. "I'm Professor Fernsby, and I'll be teaching you Defense Against the Dark Arts this year."

It was hard to imagine this particular wizard ever standing up against the dark arts. He looked like he could hardly manage a boggart let alone a hag or Lethifold. Even faced with a room full of bored teenagers, he was crumbling under the pressure. Across the room Peter Pettigrew snickered, and Fernsby's expression faltered.

"I know that I am a new face here, and you've had five other professors, but I hope that together we'll have a good year this year and learn a lot."

Florence snorted and either Lily or Dorcas (probably Lily) jabbed a finger into her back in scolding.

Fernsby's smile flickered, and he paused. "Erm, yes. I know that this is your second class of the day, and it's early. The first years were all practically asleep at their desks this morning, but this is an NEWT-level class, so we will be covering rather complicated and dark material--oh! Yes, you there," Fernsby said, gesturing towards a student in the back. Florence turned, watching as Cassius Avery lowered his hand, a self-satisfied smirk already twisting at his lips.

"Can you explain what you mean by 'dark,' professor?"

The classroom went so still even Fernsby seemed to notice, his pocket fluttering once more.

"Well, we'll learn about the Unforgivable Curses. How to battle Inferi--"

"Will we be learning more about the Dark Arts themselves?" Avery interrupted, tilting back his chair so that it leaned against Thaddeus Nott's desk.

Fernsby's eyes flicked around the classroom as if looking for help from one of the students, but everyone remained still and quiet, watching to see what would happen. Florence set her jaw as she looked back at Avery who was looking rather smug. Beside him there was a glint in Thomas Mulciber's eye as if he were watching an animal fall into a trap.  "I'm not sure that would be entirely appropriate--" Fernsby started.

"I was just thinking that we should know how the Dark Arts work and such so we can properly defend ourselves?" Avery clarified and beside him Mulciber smirked. Florence's hand curled into a fist on her desk. "I mean, you want us to be prepared, don't you, professor? We need to know--"

"Avery you smarmy little git, would you shut up?" Florence snapped, and the eyes of the class shot over to her. But she was just looking at Avery whose eyes flashed angrily. "Even he's not thick enough to teach you how to curse someone. Go ask your dad. Or is he too busy shagging his cousin--I'm sorry, your mum."

There was a beat of silence as the whole class seemed to collectively hold its breath before across the room, Sirius Black broke out into a loud barking laughter, muffling whatever Avery snarled at Florence.

"Pardon?" she asked, arching an eyebrow, and though he opened his mouth to say it again, it wasn't Avery's voice, but Fernsby's she heard next.

"That is--that is quite enough," the professor finally interjected, and Florence turned around, ready for her detention or points to be docked, but as Fernsby's eyes landed on her and she met them with a fierce unrepentance, he wet his lips and moved on.

"Merlin's beard," Marlene whispered to Florence. "Been holding onto that for a while, haven't you?"

"After what he and Mulciber did last year to Mary, he's lucky I haven't set him on fire," Florence mumbled. "Last thing we need is that lot learning about the Dark Arts so they can practice on muggleborns."

Marlene nodded her agreement, and the two focused back on Fernsby who was presently taking attendance.

Class continued and with it the growing feeling that someone was attempting to stare daggers into the back of her head. When she finally turned with a raised eyebrow, she found that not only was Avery glaring at her, but Mulciber and Nott had also joined in their friend's effort. She gave the three of them the most saccharine smile she could muster and lifted a middle finger towards them. When she turned back to Fernsby, he was in the middle of listing his credentials and previous places of employment..

He had just finished on how formative his time in the Azkaban processing unit was when James Potter began to loudly pack up his bag. "And erm..." Professor Fernsby stopped, watching as Potter corked his inkwell and dropped it into his bag. "Mr….Potter was it?"

Potter looked up, "Oh, I'm sorry, Professor," he said, his face genuinely apologetic. "I thought you were about done."

"Done?" Fernsby asked. While the word might have cracked like a whip from McGonagall or Kettleburn, instead it came out rather helpless as he looked appealingly to Potter for an explanation.

"It's just that usually professors keep class short the first. To get us acclimated to the school schedule again, you know."

Fernsby said nothing, looking out over the class to see nods of assent. Even Dorcas kept quiet.

"He's right," Marlene said from next to her, and Florence's attention whipped to her friend. "Although usually they make us stay at least half the block," she added with a reproachful look to James.

"Ah, well, I suppose here is as good a place to stop as any," Professor Fernsby said. "Come ready to learn, as I will be picking up the pace as the year progresses."

He seemed rather proud of himself, Florence thought as she along with her classmates scurried to pack up their books before anyone could possibly grow a guilty conscience. He probably thought the early dismissal was a sign of kindness and not what it really was: blood in the water.

Shouldering her bag, Florence headed out behind Lily and Dorcas into the hallway.

"We're not going to learn anything all year," Dorcas moaned, tossing her head back to stare miserably at the ceiling.

"It's going to be an easy O at least," Lily sighed. "And besides, next year it'll be someone new. Maybe they'll be able to catch us up."

Dorcas wilted a little, head coming back down to face forward with a pout tugging down her lips. "I suppose."

Marlene looked disbelievingly at the group. "Are we really not going to talk about Avery?"

"Do we have to?" Mary asked with a shudder. "He's so creepy. "

"That whole group is destined for Azkaban," Lily murmured, shaking her head.

"Not if Lory gets to them first," Marlene countered, smirking.

Florence shrugged, "I already told you I didn't think Fernsby had the backbone to tell him no."

"Right, but going after his dad like that?" Marlene pressed, raising her eyebrows at Florence as if to prompt an explanation.

"Everyone knows the Sacred Twenty-Eight's inbred," a voice drawled from behind the group. Lily rolled her eyes, letting out an annoyed sigh through her nose as Potter, Black, Remus, and Pettigrew interspersed themselves amongst the girls. "After all, you're looking at someone whose father shagged his cousin. Thankfully all of the negative effects of my parents' decision to procreate saved themselves for Regulus. Florence snorted at this, and Marlene barked out a laugh. Even Lily's lips quirked up into a reluctant half smile. "I have to say, Saise, that was a thing of sheer beauty in there. I think I might have even fallen in love with you a little," Black grinned.

Florence rolled her eyes and shook her head, even as the grin stayed on her lips. "I hope you're prepared for heartbreak then. Pettigrew, I'd start collecting chocolate frogs now, he's going to need them."

A quick confusion crossed Pettigrew's face as he darted a glance at Black, as if to ask if Florence was serious. But his friend was too busy throwing a hand over his heart and staggering back as if wounded.

"Should I get some chocolate frogs too, Evans? Or are you planning on sparing my heart this year?" Potter asked, grinning winsomely at Lily.

She gave him a tight lipped grin back, tilting her head towards him. "You should get as many as you can and stick them in your bag. That way, every time you have even the faintest impulse to ask me out, you can take one out and shove it in your mouth to save us both the trouble."

With that, Lily brushed her hair over her shoulder and moved forward to link arms with Florence, turning them both around to march down the hallway and away from their heartbroken boys.

"I think there was progress," James said, piling potatoes onto his plate once the boys had sat down for lunch. The past forty-five minutes that they should have spent in Defense Against the Dark Arts had been devoted instead to James' eternal pining over Lily Evans. "She didn't call me any names."

"Didn't need to, mate," Sirius said, snagging the serving spoon from James. "Her face and tone of voice largely did that for her."

"Yeah? What'd it say?" James asked, raising an eyebrow as he watched Sirius spoon potatoes next to his sausage.

Sirius straightened up in his seat, pointing the spoon at James. "It said, James Potter, you are a complete tosser," he said, mimicking Lily's high voice, much to the amusement of both Remus and Peter.

James looked down the table to where Lily tossed her head back laughing at something Mary Macdonald said. The lack of outright animosity had been progress, but she still didn't look at him with even a fraction of the warmth she gave to everyone else. Lily caught sight of him and the smile slid from her face, settling into a look of pure disdain before she turned back to her friends and said something that made Marlene McKinnon almost spit out her pumpkin juice.

"Well at least I can say I'm trying," James protested, turning back to face Sirius.

"Trying what? To get Lily Evans to hex your arse halfway 'cross the country?" Sirius asked. "Because that is about the only thing you're set to succeed at with her."

James scoffed before growing serious.  "I'm trying to win the bet."

Sirius raised his eyebrows at his best friend, and even Peter seemed to have checked back in to the conversation. Remus however let out a groan and set down the book he'd been reading so he didn't have to listen to James going on about Lily. "I thought you two had given that up."

"It was just on hiatus for a while," Sirius dismissed, picking up his fork to dig into his lunch. "Because unlike Prongs, I don't have to spend years just to get Saise to tolerate being in the same room as me."

"And yet," James said, picking up his own fork. "You still haven't won."

"Well, I've been a bit too busy with other matters to be worried much about the birds?"

"Like what?" Remus asked, picking his book back up.

"Largely, being the family disappointment," Sirius remarked with some finality as he bit into his sausage.

James just laughed at this. "Please, you have about as much interest in dating as Saise does. One of you is going to call it quotes before you can even go public--let alone last two weeks."

"All I'm saying is that at least Saise doesn't actively detest the very sight of me," Sirius shrugged, taking another bite of his food.

"I'm making progress."

"Of course you are, mate," Sirius nodded, navigating the words around the mouthful of food.

James shook his head at Sirius, "Padfoot, when it comes right down to it , I don't even think you could get Saise out of her knickers, let alone date you."

Sirius scoffed. "Everyone can get her out of her knickers. Everyone practically has gotten Saise out of her knickers."

Remus looked up from his book, a frown tugging at his features. "That's an ugly thing to say Sirius," he scolded, but Sirius looked completely unrepentant.

"It's not like it's a secret that practically our entire year has shagged Florence. Everyone knows what she's like," Peter shrugged.

"Exactly. Thank you, Wormtail," Sirius said. "But if you're so certain I can't do it, Prongs, then you'd have no problem making a little add on to our bet. Right?"

"No problem at all," James said, smugly.

"Great," Sirius said, leaning forward on his elbows. "Let's talk terms."

[siriuslyshewrote]

Can’t Stop DNA - Part Three

A/N - it’s finally here! Part Three/Finale. Hope you guys like it 🥺. (P.S I know the gif isn’t off Peaky Blinders aha). Let me know in the comments!!

Part One | Part Two

It was only a few hours after your conversation with Isaiah that you had rang Ada, practically wailing down the phone about how you had fucked everything up, and how you need your big sister so much right now. Even though she didn't really know the full extent of what had happened, she had heard about the pregnancy from Polly a few hours before, and knew full well what the atmosphere in the Shelby home would be right now. She was right - it felt like you were in hell, like someone had flipped a switch, turned everything upside down, like you had fallen asleep and awoken in a nightmare world, like you had read about in your dystopian books. She heard the break in your voice, the gasps for breath, and it half broke her heart that you were going through what she had. She couldn't leave you up there, not when she was sure the outcome of it would be frosty silences, or vicious arguments with your brothers, over and over again. And when you had sobbed down the phone how much you wanted this baby - like she had wanted Karl, she invited you (or rather, instructed you) to come down to London, to live with her.

In that moment it felt like Ada had thrown you a lifeline. You barely thought about it, agreeing hurriedly, and throwing things into a suitcase, and making it to the train station within half an hour of the phone call. You only spoke to Polly before you left, and though she didn't say it, you knew from the soft look in her eyes that she knew this was the best thing for you. And that filled your heart with some hope, always having believed in Polly's ability to not see into the future exactly, but to have a sense about these kinds of things. Before you got out the door, she put a wad of money into your hands, and pressed a kiss to your cheek. You tried to turn away before she could see the tears dripping down your cheeks.

Polly watched you walk down the street, head held high, a heavy feeling in her heart, and anger too, her nephews having pushed away yet another of their siblings. She never told you about how they reacted when they got home, nor did she tell about how Isaiah Jesus appeared on her doorstep, knocking frantically, or how his expression faltered when Tommy told him you'd gone away, and when something in the young mans eyes died when he told him he wouldn't tell him where. Tommy thought he was protecting you, and Polly did too.

For a while.

*************************************************The summers heat was almost unbearable, you decided, fanning your face with a half folded over newspaper, staring out the window, at the street below. The Peaky Blinders boys - two of them, stood at the end of the street, looking completely casual, almost blending in, though you knew them well by now - they were two of the lads Tommy had hired to protect Ada and you, and little Karl. You winced again, rubbing at your back, eyes looking at the large baby bump protruding from your stomach. You were eight and a half months pregnant, and it was pure, unadulterated hell, especially in this fucking heat. The 'practice' contractions the doctor told you you would have were a pain in the arse, getting worse and worse, and had been since yesterday evening, some twelve hours ago, though you were far too stubborn to tell your sister about the pain you were in.

"You better not hurt this much when you decide to come, little one." You murmured with a half smile, fingers caressing the space you imagined your baby's head would be. You were sat in Karl's old nursery - soon to be your baby's, looking at the constellations and moons that Ada had painstakingly painted when she moved in.

Losing Isaiah had taken a toll on you - a visible one at that - and it had taken you months to put yourself slowly back together, but it hadn't marred the love you had for this baby inside of you. A girl, Polly had reckoned, when she came to visit a few months ago, though Ada argued with a knowing smile that she thought it was a boy. Either way, you had said with a laugh, you just wanted them here. You couldn't deny that you were lonely. The only people you spoke to nowadays was Ada, and Polly, and Karl, if he counted, though it was doubtful, as the most he could do was gurgle adorable, if incoherent, noises.

“Y/N!” Ada yelled up the stairs, “Polly’s on the phone for you!”

“Coming!” You called back, pushing yourself into a standing position, half waddling towards the staircase, yet another one of those bloody practice contractions hitting you. Except this time, you felt something different. You felt what you were almost sure was your water breaking.

“Ada!” You shrieked ,half hysterical already.

********************************************

"Okay, okay. Polly's gonna be on her way soon, okay?" Ada soothed you, you being now sat on the couch, as you had a mild meltdown, having told her at least ten times already that you didn't think you could do it, and oh fuck I'm going to be a mother. A mother, Ades! I can't do that!

"She's four hours away!" You sobbed. "I can't do it Ades, I can't do it."

"You can." She told you firmly, her eyes locking with yours. "You can okay? I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you."

"No, I can't." Your voice quietened a little. "I can't do it without him, Ades. I know I can't. Not without Is."

Her face looked pained for a few moments.

“It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not! I was fucking stupid, Ades. All my life, he’s always been there, he’s always helped me through everything. He held my hand when I had to get stitches when John didn’t catch me when I fell outta the tree, and when I got gravel stuck in my knees, and when ... when everything bad happened, he was there. What am I gonna do?” You exclaimed, blinking back more tears.

She gripped your shoulders, looking into your eyes.

“You know what, Y/N? You’re going to be a great mum. You’re gonna be what mum was to us, okay? She fucking looked after us even after dad left, and tried her fucking best until she died. And you need to take all of the strength she had, and use it. Because you can do this. I know you can, okay. And when have I ever been wrong about anything?”

At the mention of your mum, your heart swelled a little, the pain felt a little bit less. Ada was right.

“When you told John I wasn’t going to fall out of the tree so he didn’t need to catch me?” You laughed tearily, and she snorted.

“Yeah, asides from that. You’re going to be fine, Squirrel, okay? I’m right here.”

*******************************************

“When the fuck is Pol going to get here.” You groaned, walking around the room slowly, trying to dim the pain a little, after the glass of whiskey that Ada had given you, saying that her birth wasn’t that bad with Karl (having been piss drunk at the time), hadn’t seemed to work. All it had done was make you feel a little lightheaded, and so, when the living room door burst open, showing two figures, you were half sure you had become a lightweight all those months without drink, and were almost convinced you were hallucinating.

Polly stood, looking half determined and half worried, not looking at all like she had just stepped off a train, and walked straight towards you, and as much as you would have usually have embraced her, your eyes stayed focused on the person with her. The pain of labour was very quickly replaced by another pain, one that felt like a dagger to the heart. Because that couldn’t be Isaiah. It couldn’t.

When Polly had come to visit, those months ago, she didn’t mention Isaiah, only slipped you a letter as she was about to leave. She didn’t say who it was from, but you recognised the lettering on the envelope, the scrawl that’s only belonged to one person you knew. It had gone unopened for months, and still was, next to your bed upstairs, you being too scared for the rejection you were sure lay inside. Now? With him here? You wished you had opened it.

“Hey.” He said softly, cap between his hands, eyes flickering between your face, and your largely swollen belly.

Your throat felt like it had closed up, and if you opened your mouth, you expected you would just make silent movements with it, gaping like the goldfish you had won at the fair when you were younger.

“How long has it been?” Polly’s voice broke you away from his gaze, back to what was happening.

“Five hours, since her waters broke.” Ada supplied from beside you, her hands carefully rubbing your back, shooting Isaiah a look that was a mixture of thank fuck you’re here and fuck off you wanker.

It was the exactly how you felt, to be honest, as he stood at the door, not moving, not sure what to do.

“Come on, love, let’s get you sat down.” Polly said gently, guiding you towards the sofa. You weren’t sure why Polly had brought him here, or how you really felt, or how he felt. And it was killing you, the not knowing.

“Why’re you here?” Your voice cracked.

Polly and Ada gave each other a glance, a silent decision.

“Five minutes.” Polly spoke to Isaiah, pulling Ada with her. “If you upset her, you’re out.”

With that, the door slammed behind the both. You almost felt pity for him - having the two scariest women you knew angry at you, was sure to scare even Tommy Shelby shitless.

You both stayed where you were, silent, for a few moments.

“I looked for you. For months.” He spoke, softly, sitting down at the edge of the couch you were on, unsure of what to do, of whether to go back to how you used to, and sit right next to you, or treat you like an almost stranger, and keep his distance.

You just blinked at him. “Why?”

“Because I ... I fucked up. I was a prick.”

“Yeah, you were.” You agreed, leaning back against the sofa cushions, not anger in your tone, but pain. Waiting to see how this would all play out.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me forever. If you never wanted to see me again. If you wouldn’t even tell the ... the baby who I was.”

“Is.” You sighed. “Isaiah.” You corrected yourself, the old nickname feeling sour in your mouth now. “You aren’t ready for a kid. I can’t blame you. I can blame how you reacted. But I can’t blame you for that.”

“You’re wrong.” He spoke again. “Once you left my house, I ... I was so angry. At myself, at you, at whatever bloody God there is for letting this happen. Because I was scared. I was scared because I didn’t factor in a baby to my plan, and I was scared because I knew how those people, the people here, would treat you, and our baby, for me, for their father, the colour of my skin.”

You swallowed. It wasn’t as if the thought hadn’t occurred to you, over and over again, thoughts rushing through your brain, as you begged internally, for things to be different when your baby was born, in London, for people to not care about their ethnicity, for them to not show the same hate you had seen people show Isaiah since you were a kid.

“And I was scared that I couldn’t do it. That I couldn’t be a father. It was only when I realised that the person that mattered most over all of that, was you. And then I realised what I’d done.”

“But you didn’t come for me.” You said tearily. “You didn’t come and tell me any of this.”

“I went to your house the morning afterwards. I was gonna ask you to marry me. I had this whole apology figured out, and I just... I was going to make things right again. I was so sure. And then Tommy told me you were gone. And he wouldn’t say where, or with who, and I just... I couldn’t think of what to do. After a while, I figured it was Ada, and I came to London, but there’s no way I could find this place without any help, and no one wanted to help. They all said that you’d be better off without me. I - I started to believe it.”

He had tears in his eyes now, and your heart broke a little more. Tentatively, you stretched out your hand to his, and as his fingers slotted between yours, you felt a familiar sense of warmth.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered. “I got your letter. I didn’t open it, I thought... I just thought it would be you saying you didn’t want anything to do with the baby.”

“I do, Y/N. I want everything to do with this baby. It took losing you to figure that out, but I have. I swear. I’ll never, never leave you, okay. Not again. I promise. Just give me this chance. Please.”

His voice was half begging now, but you were already saying yes, feeling more complete and happy than you had since before you learnt you were pregnant. Feeling, for the first time, that you could do this. That you could do anything, as long as you had Is with you.

“Okay, Is.” You spoke softly. “Okay.”

[acdeaky]

are you ready for love?

warning: fluff, alcohol consumption, strong language, slight angst?

note: congrats on 4k followers @writingfortoomanyfandoms​​ ! i began writing this and then fell out of love with it, but i (finally) figured out the ending and fell back in love! enjoy!

word count: 4.5k

black lives matter

“what I'm saying is - and this is not a come on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way!” dan spoke, a little too loudly for the restaurant the group was in, trying to voice his (very out-of-date) opinion above the rest of the group. he was met with a lot of voices arguing he was wrong, and a fry from shane’s plate. “what?” he practically whined. 

“just because you want to shag any girl you're friends with, and who doesn't have a boyfriend, doesn't mean that every guy is the same!” harry perked up, practically punching dan in the arm after his comment. 

“it so means every guy is the same,” dan argued, looking over at you. “you and ben are only close because he wants to get in your pants.”

“why did we let him join?” you asked everyone else, basically pretending that dan wasn't sat a few seats away from you. 

“because he's my brother and has no other friends.” erin replied from next to you, a hand resting on your thigh which was pressed against her’s.

“that is not true.”

“oh, dan, sweetie, it is.” erin just smiled sarcastically at her brother, her eyes showing faux sympathy. 

“you all know i’m right, but you don't want to say it,” another chorus of disagreement came from the group, as did another fry from shane’s plate. “mate, would you stop that?” shane just shook his head, wrapping his arm around the back of renee’s chair and lightly brushed his fingers against your shoulder. next to ben, you were definitely closest to shane with him being like a big brother to you. 

somehow, the rest of the meal went without a hitch. dan quieted down with the unpopular opinions and everyone else enjoyed each other’s company as they finished their meals and had a few drinks afterwards. shane and renee were the first ones to leave. both of them had had long days at work, but made it out for the meal, and were now more than ready to collapse into their bed. harry and erin were next. as they paid their part and begun to leave, they dragged dan out with them, keeping him from saying something inappropriate to you and/or lucy. 

after those three left, you and lucy stayed a little longer. it had been a while since the two of you had hung out together alone, and a catchup with definitely needed. 

“so what’s the real reason ben didn’t come tonight? he's definitely not ill else you would be there nursing him back to health.” she teased, giving you a light prod to your side. 

“he didn't want to have to deal with comments from dan,” you stated plainly. “and i’m glad ben didn’t come else he would have had to deal with exactly what he didn't want to deal with.”

“yeh, that's fair. maybe we should stop inviting dan to these things.”

“maybe,” you both giggled, thinking of how much more civilised somethings would be without him. “that's too mean, though. erin would not be happy.” 

“she most definitely wouldn't be, but dan’s a dickhead.”

“oh, yeh.” the two of you sat gigging for a little longer, the few drinks the both of you had had making their way completely into your system. after chatting for a little longer (and realising you should both definitely go home), you paid the rest of the bill and left, still chatting as you got into your car, travelling back to your same apartment building.

the ride home wasn't long. luckily, the group had mutually decided on a restaurant that was close to both of your apartments, meaning it only took about ten minutes to get home. the traffic was light and it seemed that every light turned green just in time for you. sooner than you knew, you were heading out of the garage of the apartment building, heading towards the lift and pressing the ninth floor button for lucy and the tenth floor button for you. as you reached her floor, you shared a slightly emotional goodbye with each other. it took exactly 23 seconds to get from the lift to your apartment (you had counted many times) and as you swung the door open, there was ben, sat idly on your sofa with his feet up and netflix playing on the TV. 

“hello, wanderer.” he teased as he heard you pull off your shoes and collapse onto the sofa next to him. “did you have fun? was dan a dick?”

“when is dan not a dick?” you only replied, pulling your knees closer to your chest as you turned your body into ben’s. one of his hands lifted off of his thigh for you to do so, landing back down on your knee. 

“that's true. what did he say this time?”

“that men and women can't be friends because the sex part gets in the way.”

“well that's not true, look at us!” ben said, his eyes quickly flitting to you and then straight back to the TV. 

“yeh, look at us.” 

“you are woman, i am man. we no sex.” he spoke in a deeper voice, making you giggle at his ridiculous impression of a caveman. 

“i’m just glad you weren't there; another comment from him would have sent your fist through his face.” 

“oh, yeh. but erin would not have been happy.”

“she most definitely wouldn't be.” you giggled again, thinking back to the conversation you had had with lucy. “i’m actually so tired, i think i’m just calling it a night. you stay as long as you like” as you got up, you pointed to ben, giving him a look which said ‘keep it down’ which he replied with a salute. you gave the other a quiet ‘night’ before placing a kiss on his cheek and dragging your feet to your bedroom. 

as you got ready for bed, you couldnt help but think back to what dan had said. if you told erin and lucy (or even ben) that you were contemplating his words, they would have told you to stop and say that ‘dan was just being dan. he didn't mean it’. you just couldn’t help thinking about whether it was true. of course, you were close to shane and harry, but they both had girlfriends, they definitely wouldn't want anything to do with what’s in your pants. but you were also close to ben, and he didn't have a girlfriend. the only explanation for you two being close was that he wanted what was in your pants, not in your head nor your heart. 

it pained you to think of that; ben being here only to try it on. of course, ben was attractive and had sex appeal, but he was also your best friend and you weren't about to jump in to bed with him at the first chance. you have never, and will never, go about relationships like that. to you, it was unbelievable how much you let dan’s comment cloud your mind, yet you almost hoped there was some truth to it. 

only a wall away, ben was sat thinking the exact same thing. the show he was binging was still playing in the background, but in the forefront of his mind was dan’s comment. ben knew men and women could be friends without sex getting involved; he had those relationships with all the girls in the group, except her. although he wouldn't openly admit it to anyone, he had developed feelings, but didn't want to ruin what the two had by trying it on with her. so ben sat back and tried to let his feelings settle. that instantly failed when he continued to hang out with her almost everyday and talk to her everyday. it didn't take him long to realise he was in love. 

ben didn't stay for much longer; his eyes were being to strain to properly see the TV and dan's comment was still lingering in his thoughts. he quietly turned off the TV and left the room, practically tiptoeing past your room as he entered the guest room (which was almost his considering how often he slept in it). all he did was slip out of his jeans, jumper and socks, leaving on his boxers and slid into bed. just like you, it didn't take him long to fall asleep, soon drifting off nestled within the comfy sheets and only imagining what it would be like to hold you in his arms. 

in the morning, ben woke up before you (like usual) and set himself the task of making breakfast. he knew you'd be hungry this morning and, as soon as he got out of bed and put on a pair of shorts, he made his way into the kitchen and began making his famous pancakes. it didn't take long for you to wake up nor did it take long for you to smell the pancakes. 

“morning, chef.” you smiled lazily as you walked into the kitchen. 

“morning to you, too.” like usual in a morning, ben was clad in some shorts and a plain t-shirt as he stood in front of the hob. the teapot had already been filled and there was a half empty cup stood on the side next to the hob. “sleep well?”

“yeh, i guess.” ‘don't tell him’ you thought to yourself. “i just couldn't stop thinking about dan's comment last night.” 

“love, i've told you before to take no notice of him-”

“no, ben, he said something else last night. not just the men and women and sex thing.”

“well, what else did he say?” he asked, less annoyed this time, switching off the ring and giving you his full attention.

“he said that you and i are only close because you want to get into my pants.” although he asked you to tell him (and you would have told him anyway), you couldn’t help but feel ashamed at telling ben. you knew he would be mad that you let something dan said cloud your judgement about him, but you also knew that he would deny it. you wished he wouldn’t.

“you know that’s not true, right?” there it was. “you know i would never do that to you, or anyone for that matter. don’t let him get into your head; he’s a dick.”

“yeh, course.” you mumbled as ben turned back to the pan, flipping out the pancake onto a plate. as both of you ate, you sat talking about anything and everything. you were content just being here with ben, and yet you still couldn’t get those thoughts out of your head.

to ben, all you would be is his best friend; he made that perfectly clear last night and this morning. to you, your feelings would always be there, making it unfair on anyone else you dated. your heart was wrapped around ben indefinitely.

after breakfast was finished and the kitchen was tidy, you said your goodbyes to ben (even though you don’t normally kick him out this early), making up a lie about finishing off some things for work. what you really wanted to do was talk to erin and lucy; you needed to empty your head to someone.

“hey, you guys are okay to chat, right?” you asked as soon as the facetime connected to the both of them.

“yeh, of course!” “i’ve got my wine, i’m ready.” they both replied, supportive smiles already on their faces.

“okay, i’m sorry i’m bringing this up again, but i’m still thinking about dan’s comment last night.”

“which one?” erin giggled, taking a sip of her wine.

“the one about ben only being close to me because he wants to get in my pants.”

“that’s not true.”

“it’s true.”

“what?” you and erin asked lucy, who sat with a slight smirk on her face.

“ben does want to get into your pants, but not as a one time fling or being friends with benefits, he really likes you.”

“he does?”

“yeh,” both you and erin looked at each other, pure shock coming over your face and slight shock on erin’s. “he got drunk with the lads one night and came to my place instead of yours-”

“makes sense,” erin perked up, taking another sip of her wine. “your apartment is literally a floor below Y/N’s.”

“exactly; he miscounted the floor numbers and came to my door. he kept on apologising so i let him in and he just ranted about dan saying stupid things again about the two of you. then he spilt his feelings and almost broke down asking me not to say anything. i told him he should go to your place and tell you himself. he said he would and i assumed he did, but obviously-”

“he didn’t. that night he came up to my apartment and basically passed out on the sofa. i pulled his shoes off and left him a glass of water and some painkillers for the morning. that was it; he didn't really say anything at all until the next morning.” you frowned, thinking at how literally minutes before ben stumbled into your apartment, he'd stumbled out of lucy’s. 

“wow, well i knew benny boy had feelings, but i didn’t know he did that.” erin said, turning and making sure harry hadn't heard any of that conversation. 

“no one knew, i kept ben’s drunk escapade a secret. he couldn’t even remember it happening.” after that, all three of you were slightly stunned into silence. it was a minute before anyone spoke. 

“what are you gonna do?” erin’s voice was small, something that isn't normal for her. her wine glass had been discarded (though half empty) and she and lucy were both looking at you. you knew your face hadn't change. even without looking at your screen, you knew the only look on your face was disbelief. 

“i-i don't know.”

“surely you're gonna do something?” lucy gasped. 

“and say what to him? ‘hey, ben. i've just been chatting to our good friend lucy and it turns out you drunkenly told her about your feelings for me’. i’m not good with confrontation!”

“and that's why you two will never be together!” erin chuckled, shaking her head at you. 

“what do you mean?

“i mean, you're scared of confrontation and ben will never admit his feelings for you because he's scared you’ll reject him.”

“but i wouldn’t-”

“he doesn’t know that.” she was right. ben doesn’t know what you're thinking, and you don't know what he's thinking. right now, the only way to get over the situation is if you say something. yet, you couldn't help but think that ben’s drunken confession was just that: drunken and stupid.

“i need some time to think, girls.”

“okay.” 

“just keep us in the loop, yeh?” lucy asked, pity absolutely drowning her face. 

“will do, bye.” you waved as did lucy and erin, saying their own goodbyes before you ended the call. 

this had changed everything. of course it had. you definitely didn't feel the same way you did before the call, and you definitely didn't feel the same way about ben as you did before the call. you couldn’t help but think if this had changed things, if this had given you the confidence to finally tell ben about how you feel. 

it was something to sleep on, something to cloud your thoughts for another night. 

but you didn’t get the chance to do that. before you had even managed to settle down for the night, there was a loud, and brash, knock at your door. the thought of ignoring them crossed your mind, hoping it would be a drunken fool who had stumbled across the wrong apartment.

yet, no matter how long you stayed laying on your back, staring at the blank canvas of your ceiling, the knocking did not cease. with a grumble, you made your way through your apartment and towards the front door, not bothering to switch on any of the lights on your way.

as soon as your door was open, whoever was on the other side flung themselves inside, stumbling as they attempted to pull off their shoes. you couldn’t even see who the person was, the low light of the hallway doing little to help you figure out who the intruder was.

and, just as you were about to speak up, the person spoke - though it was more of a grumble - and said, “luce, i’m sorry for doin’ this again.” ben. his voice was slurred and his actions were full of haste. the way he threw his shoes to the side and his jacket on to the floor made you realise he truly thought he was on the floor below; everywhere he was throwing things were where lucy had furniture.

then you realised something else; it was happening again. that night lucy had told you about, with ben drinking with the lads, had happened again. though, you weren’t sure if he was drinking alone or not, but whatever had happened to ben had made him feel the need to see lucy, before anything.

“i know it’s prob’ly late, but i can’t stop thinking about her and you’re the only person who knows how i feel.” came ben’s mumbling voice again. he sounded weak, vulnerable, something you’d never heard in any tone of his voice before. well, there were some exceptions, but this voice, this tone, was something else. and it scared you.

but you stayed quiet, waiting for ben to either say something again or... something else to happen, like a meteor hitting the earth, to save the both of you from this conversation.

“fuck, you moved things around in here?” he grumbled, walking around to find something to grip onto or sit on.

your head was screaming to say something, to reply and end whatever this was, yet your heart was screaming to save yourself the heartache (from what, you didn’t know).

it wasn’t until ben managed to find a lightswitch that your heart began to race even faster than before. you were met with his disheveled look, his boots haphazardly pulled off and scattered across your floor and his jacket thrown carelessly across the wood of your dining table mismatched his reddening eyes and mess of his hair.

and, as if time was frozen, ben stood against the wall of your apartment, his eyes as wide as ever and his heart thumping against the case of his chest. you were no better; at least you knew who had stumbled into your apartment, but ben was in shock. because it was you. of course it was you, who else could make ben’s heart beat as fast as you could?

which is why ben stood still, acting as if he stayed deadly still, the predator before him would ignore his very existence. but the elephant was in the room, and you could not ignore the existence of that.

“ben,” you whispered, your voice stretching out to fill the gap between your bodies. instead, it died upon it’s journey, failing to reach the only person who mattered to you at that minute. “ben, it’s okay: i know.”

that didn’t settle his nerves. the only things those two words did was set his heart racing faster and he felt like his world was collapsing in on himself.

“no,” he shook his head, finally pulling his eyes away from your glance, turning his back towards you as his hands made his hair even more of a mess. “no, it’s not okay.”

but it was. it was more than okay because somewhere between ben stumbling through your door and this moment right now, you had found the courage to tell him that you knew, that you felt the same, this it was okay.

taking advantage of his back facing you, you stepped over to him carefully. at first, you were unsure of your movements, letting your hands linger in the air just above ben’s back before you took the final step and pressed them against his t-shirt-covered skin. the muscles in his back tensed and tightened, but he quickly let the warmth and welcoming feeling of you relax him.

only then did you become more confident, letting your hands move lightly over his back, mapping every bump and dimple they found. you ventured down to ben’s hips, covering the skin of his sides before settling around his front on his stomach.

“it’s okay, ben.” you said once again, your voice falling into a quiet whisper next to the shell of his ear as your chin rested on his shoulder. both of hands met yours. they were warm and fit comfortably between yours, something you had always imagined.

“how do you know?” he tested the waters, only letting his voice be loud enough for you to hear, like this was your little secret. you weren’t sure if ben was asking how you knew how he felt or how things would be okay, but you chose the former.

“lucy told me,” you replied in an equal tone, moving your head from his shoulder to press against his back, just between his shoulder blades. “she told me about that night you went to her apartment after you had been out with the boys: she told me how you felt about me.”

“and?” he said soon after, not wanting to wait any longer for a response that could change his life.

“ben, you mean the world to me, and i was always afraid that if we began a relationship, it could ruin our friendship. but i’m not afraid of that anymore, and i just want what i want: you.”

ben had never felt so sober. he had begun the night alone and, somehow, ended it in your arms; one of the places he didn’t think he’d be for a while.

his thumb began tracing small circles on the back of your hand, letting himself know that this was real and this was happening. it also grounded you. it gave you something to focus on when you needed it. but you didn’t want it to be that; you wanted it to be something that happens regularly and often. now, that might happen.

reluctantly, you pulled your hands from his, taking your arms away from his body as you circled around him. once his face met yours, neither of you could hold in the tiny smile which threatened to appear at the corner of your lips. god, you could only imagine what his lips felt like, what they tasted like. and you imagined that they felt like silk.

your hands quickly found purchase on ben’s body once again. this time, you traced the outline of his face, allowing yourself to take your time as you moved along his jawline. as one hand did that, the other tangled it’s fingers into the hair on the nape of his neck - something that he was growing out for a role, but you enjoyed it regardless.

ben was so overwhelmed, the only place he could find to anchor himself to you were your hips. he squeezed and pressed the skin lightly, wanting to live in the moment as much as he could, just in case you slipped through his fingertips, like silk does.

you can’t help but notice that you’ve never seen him like this before, so vulnerable and open to you and your touch. of course, you had touched each other before, but not with the softness and meaning like now.

“i want you, too,” ben finally whispered, never letting his gaze falter from you. his hands seemed to grip your hips a little harder as your hands slid down from his head and onto his shoulders. “that’s all i’ve wanted since i met you.”

just then, you pushed yourself onto the balls of your feet, managing to slightly close the gap between you and ben as his head bowed lower, too. your lips met like a perfect melody, so soft and gentle and better than you could have ever imagined.

slowly, and once again, your hands traced their way up ben’s skin, circling around his neck before toying with those little hairs you had suddenly become so fond of. and, as a response, ben’s hands shifted from your hips to your lower back quicker than you could register, pushing and pulling your body flush with his own.

his hands were warm and big and better than you could have imagined. they were strong, keeping the two of you together in perfect harmony as you explored the other’s touch after so, so long.

but, then ben pulled away, keeping you pressed against his chest while looking down at you, your lips swollen and red and, god, so beautiful. he only smiled, pulling away to grab your hand a second later.

he was your personal guide through your home, taking you towards your bedroom (only after turning off the light he switched on earlier). as soon as you got in the room, ben let you go, turning to close the door as you stood waiting for him; you almost felt like a stranger, standing there in your own room with no feeling of anything but ben.

once the door clicked shut, he turned his attention back to you. while he walked forward, you stumbled backwards, only stopping when the back of your knees hit the side of your bed.

“get in,” he spoke gently, pressing a light kiss to your forehead. “i’ll be there in a second.” and so you did. since you were already about to settle down for the night when ben knocked on the door, you just sat underneath the covers again.

seeing the cast of ben’s shadow on your walls from the beaming moon was a sight you knew you would never tire of. the way he moved gracefully as he pulled off his shirt and jeans, leaving on only his boxers and turning back to you.

he was a ghost striding towards you. a vision as his body drifted towards you, so bright and beautiful under the moon, so quiet as he slipped under the covers to lay next to you; his arms open and welcoming.

so you accepted, letting yourself have this, this moment, with ben. you found yourself tucked into his side, one arm dragged across his torso with your head on his chest. his left arm wrapped itself around your shoulders, his right arm laying adjacent to yours, letting your fingertips touch and ghost along one another.

you stayed there, for a minute or two, just getting used to each other’s rise and fall of your chests and the dips and bumps of each other’s skin. neither of you had felt more at peace than in that moment.

and as you lay there in ben’s arms, the steady beating in his heart right below your ear and finally feeling content, you knew that you were ready for love.

-

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[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Ava

Grace: I'm here in your postcode so like hmu if you need help Grace: after being a babysitter FOREVER kids crafts are TOTALLY my thing Ava: There's glitter on everything Ava: I'm going to have to pay to get their house professionally cleaned after this, I swear Grace: before you do I have to bring the boy over & 'accidentally' cover him Grace: cos he literally will not decide on a costume Ava: Yeah, he's crap at costumes Ava: I don't think I've even seen him in the obligatory devil horns Ava: mess up the hair, probably Grace: I mean, if my hair ever looked that good that'd be so relatable Grace: 😍😍 Ava: n'awh 😏 Ava: I'm glad someone appreciates the effort he goes to with the bleach Ava: god knows what I'm going to wear, the standard Halloween ideas aren't really applicable for a kid's birthday Grace: I love him but I hate him Grace: his eyelashes are better than mine as well Grace: right?! if his mum sees me in a lbd & cat ears she'll hate me more than she already does Grace: we could do joint costumes of a 🔪 in our backs though 🙄😂 Ava: What's she like? Grace: so rude Grace: she NEVER talks to me but the judgement is REAL 👀🔪 Grace: poor & a reformed hoe!? not in her house, honey Ava: and you didn't even homewreck her son's marriage so Ava: this is gonna be fun Grace: but I will if she tries to marry him off to some beautiful, rich, virgin or whatever Ava: I don't think they're that old school 😂 Ava: only if he managed to get a virgin pregnant Grace: don't even Grace: it's literally the one thing that would maybe score me points with her & I can't talk about it Ava: as satisfying as it'd be to throw out when she's being the most judgmental Ava: not worth it Ava: but you are gonna come, right? Ava: James wasn't sure Grace: yeah, I'm not trying to have a breakdown at her dining table soooooo Grace: of course we are, he practically begged me onto a flight to not have to go alone Grace: his sister has like 5 kids & Teddy can't deal with any of them Grace: what happens when you 👰👴 I guess Ava: Yeah Ava: I heard Ava: I just want them to have a good time Ava: James and the kids Grace: they will Grace: you've done amazing so far setting it all up Ava: there's nothing I can do to jazz up the guestlist Ava: it's bad enough that she might show but we can't plan for it Grace: Teddy thinks she will & Jay will have a meltdown, that's why he's totally dreading it Ava: I don't think she will Grace: idk but he's convinced Grace: he says she LOVES to make an entrance & bring drama Ava: Potentially Ava: I think she doesn't care enough about the kids, but that she doesn't intentionally want to hurt them Ava: just James Ava: there are better ways, after all, her parents are going to be there, they'd stop her before she could really do anything Grace: 🤞🏽 cos that does make sense Grace: & we all want you to be right, no offense to the bae Ava: If she's going to come back, she will, it'll have to be faced Ava: whether we're wearing cat ears or not Grace: yeah but like a 👶🎂 is not it Grace: even she must know that Ava: None of this is Grace: how's James? Ava: he's doing good Ava: considering Ava: it's a lot Grace: mhmm Grace: I'm avoiding Rio & Buster rn for a reason Ava: Yeah, he's mad at me Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: don't even worry he's mad at everyone for everything Grace: except Ri, duh Grace: like you said, it's a lot Ava: well it's kind of special circumstances Ava: he thinks I've picked a side Grace: cos it's that simple Grace: he's so extra & that's coming from me Ava: Maybe it is Grace: he wishes it was Grace: but it's not you & James vs him & Ri Ava: It's not that Ava: I just Ava: I don't think I agree with what he wants Grace: you want Jay to stay where she is Ava: Yes Ava: I think he's only thinking about himself Grace: well yeah, when isn't he? Ava: It's different Ava: it's two lives he could ruin Ava: three, Mattie too Grace: he's always done exactly what he wants however many lives it could ruin Grace: literally all you can do is keep trying to get through to him Ava: Yeah, that'll work Ava: like you said, he'll do what he wants Ava: but James won't just let her go, and if it goes to court, how has he proved he's a decent father? Ava: he's not acknowledged her, the possibility Ava: it wouldn't be as cut and dry as he wants it to be Grace: nothing is ever that cut & dry but ugh try telling Buster or Ri that Ava: Exactly Ava: isn't having Venus when they shouldn't enough Grace: don't even get me started Grace: it's such a mess Ava: it isn;t fair Ava: James raised her, stepped up Ava: had to deal with Chloe Ava: no one has the right to take her away now Grace: exactly Grace: they love each other Grace: you can't just break that bond like it doesn't exist Ava: for one that doesn't Ava: I don't want to pick sides, I love him, he's my brother Ava: but I can't say I'm okay with it right now, when I'm not Grace: he's being a selfish idiot rn though, you can say it to me, babes Grace: she's got a whole family here Ava: I know it's fucked, that Chloe told him he wasn't the dad Ava: but I can't get over that she told him he was Ava: you don't just Ava: why did he trust her the second time and not the first Ava: how could that be for anything but selfish reasons Grace: it's literally cos he wanted to Grace: & he's totally fixated on the wrong things, what does blood matter anyway? Grace: Billie's my sister not any one of the kids my dad had scattered across Dublin Ava: Maybe Rio said she'd leave him? Ava: but still, then he made his choice Ava: ugh Ava: I hate it Grace: me too Grace: everything is so Grace: fucked Grace: always Ava: how was your birthday anyway Ava: did you and Teddy do something nice? Grace: he did spoil me cos he knows my birthday is the literal worst & I tried not to brag TOO hard on socials Ava: Good Ava: you're only 16 once Grace: it's so weird Grace: being her age Ava: I thought about that Ava: on her birthday Ava: that she'd have only been 20 Ava: it seems so long ago, somehow Grace: like unless I die too now, I'm gonna be older than her Ava: they could take Libi if they want another child so bad Ava: alright, that was bitchy but nan and granddad won't be around forever either, I know they're not old old but Grace: they tried that already, so not really that bitchy Grace: god, she looks so much like her I actually can't breathe sometimes Ava: It's crazy Ava: and how big she is already Grace: did you see the 🎃 patch pics? It's wild, she's even dressed like Edie as a kid Grace: calm down nan Ava: I know Ava: I wish she had to chance to know her Ava: and her dad, of course Grace: yeah, I wish I'd known her better & I had way longer than Libi Ava: Like Billie's mum Ava: it's just sad Grace: idk maybe you get to 90 & you're still like I wish....whatever Grace: but like you said, it's unfair & I hate it Ava: It's never going to be something you can make peace with Ava: well, I don't think Ava: her life wasn't finished, it had only just started Grace: I don't think I wanna make peace with it anyway, it's not okay & none of us should just be okay with it Grace: but I can't cry rn so Ava: Me either Ava: I have too many sandwiches to make Grace: are you at home? I'll come over Ava: I'm at his but you can come over Ava: help me load up the car Grace: 👌🏽 omw Ava: You can have a cake pop early Ava: don't tell Jay Grace: 😂🤫 Ava: or more aptly, don't tell James she's already conned me out of two Grace: he'll definitely be able to tell when she's climbing the walls Grace: unless you've made a really convincing 🕷 costume too Ava: I know, I know Ava: it's bad Ava: but I don't think a little bit of excitement would actually hurt right now Ava: she's got to carry it, it's not like Mattie really has much of a clue what's going on yet Grace: & you don't want her feeling jealous & left out that you threw her baby sister such a great party Grace: that's the worst Ava: Yeah, she had hers in the Summer and it wasn't the best time, obviously Ava: I've tried to make sure she feels involved anyway Grace: Teddy can't believe how good you are with her, speaking of jealousy 😂 Ava: Kids pick up on your awkwardness, don't they Ava: like animals Ava: he just needs to fake it 'til he makes it Grace: mhmmm Grace: I told him it'll get easier the more time he spends with both of them, but you know what he's like Ava: Yeah Ava: at least no one is going to accuse him of trying to be their mother 🙄 Grace: 🤞🏽 she won't say it again in front of everyone 🥳🎁 Grace: awkward Ava: it's so patronizing Ava: it's not as if Chloe was a massive help Ava: he's done it himself this whole time, basically Ava: they don't need a mum Grace: she was literally the opposite of helpful Ava: at best she looked after them in the loosest sense of the word when he was at uni or work Ava: but 9/10 they'd end up with her parents so it wasn't as if she could be relied on Grace: are her parents coming? Ava: yeah Ava: I don't think they can even believe that she's done this Ava: gone Ava: I've met them a few times, dropping or picking the girls up, they're nice enough Grace: who'd wanna believe that about their family tbh Grace: but it's good that they're sticking around even though they probably wanna die if they've always been there Grace: the girls need that normality rn Ava: I'm sure they feel awful Ava: though James' family are blaming no one but him so they don't need to worry about judgment Grace: ugh I would kill Teddy if he sided with them Ava: I don't know if James knows he doesn't Grace: really? Grace: 🙄 boys never talk Grace: I'll talk to him, he knows how to show it even if he doesn't wanna say it Grace: they can go to the pub or whatever Ava: Yeah, I like, try not to comment or get involved Ava: know what it's like to have family drama Ava: but that's the feeling I've got anyway, it couldn't hurt them Grace: rich people need a bigger shove to open up, no offence Ava: 😂 it's a class issue, really Grace: in his family there's that whole stiff upper lip thing that I thought was totally not even a thing for the past however many centuries Grace: it's crazy, okay Ava: I know Grace: thank god he's the youngest or his mum would be coming at me to produce an heir Ava: you aren't good enough stock, obvs Ava: 🙄🙄 Grace: & she's only basing that off my 2 jobs & sexual history Grace: if she knew I was actually infertile she'd be giving him constant sti checks & changing the locks Grace: 😱😱 Ava: If you aren't titled and can't trace your family back to the dark ages, then they don't wanna know 🤷 Grace: so weird Ava: just how they are Ava: posh people Grace: yeah, it's wild, you should've seen the look I got when I said you were making sandwiches Grace: the boy does nothing for himself I swear Ava: he doesn't Ava: I've known him long enough Grace: Janis hated him on sight so at least you do actually know him Ava: doesn't really surprise me Grace: she only has 😍 for working class baristas so Ava: all my family hate James so you're doing better than me Grace: they just hate him for you, I've been there every other time Grace: they'll have to get over it & used to him eventually Ava: none of yours were married with two kids Ava: but still, yeah, they will Ava: or they won't, it's not like it's illegal so they can't do anything Grace: he's divorced now & literally deserves to be happy Ava: his happiness isn't their top priority Grace: yours should be though Ava: it is Ava: in that they think it's a mistake and I'll regret it Grace: if it is it's your mistake to make & regret to live with Grace: I've got 100000s Grace: 🤷 Ava: I can see their point, and what they're trying to do, without agreeing with it Ava: because I'm not as immature as they wanna say so Ava: it is what it is Grace: 👏🏽 Ava: I've got to do some homework, when you get here Ava: you don't mind do you Grace: it's fine Ava: it's due monday and I've barely started Grace: as long as Teddy doesn't ignore me for homework too Ava: awh, how could he Grace: idk maybe you're a better influence than me Ava: i'm not going to turn the party into a study sesh, don't worry Grace: 😂 I didn't bring any homework so I'm not worried Grace: I could probably cope with Jay's but I won't be telling her Ava: ✌ Ava: I highly doubt she'll wanna do hers either Grace: she can help me get him in the 🥳🎁🕺🎊 mood then Ava: 🤞 Grace: 🙏🏽

[tetrisfinished]

beyond my understanding

are certain things like the relationship between a nand and a bhabhi. why can't i get this relationship right!?

for clarity: a nand = husband's sister and a bhabhi = brother's wife.

i am a bhabhi. and i am also kind of a nand - not directly, because i don't have a brother. but i do have cousin brothers and one of them is also in canada and we're (the two sisters' families ie mama's and my khala's) are quite close!

so in that sense i'm a nand. but you're welcome to disregard that because i'm not ACTUALLY a nand.

all that to say that i really only know one side of the relationship. and god if i'd EVER wanted a brother it would be just in this one moment right now. a brother who could make me a nand so i could know what exactly is the opposite of the relationship.

because you know what they say - the road to hell is paved with good intentions. so maybe as a nand i too would be ahem....the way that i've experienced my own nands' to be.

maybe i'd also be a problem (however rarely, since we don't actually meet all that often, but then again something comes up every time we do meet) if i were a nand. maybe i would also feel un-respected or un-acknowledged or i don't even know the sort of feelings that stem from knowing your brothers' wife!?

so let's just be totally real here; i'm a goddamn above average fucking bhabhi. humble brag....or i guess just brag. in my eyes i am anyway. i respect all my in laws, i've never said a word to them that i've personally felt to be malicious, i stay out of their business when i know i'm not welcome, i don't talk any shit about them in front of my kid (because even though he's only 2 right now, these things carry and i want to ensure he doesn't feel anything towards them because of me). and i do all of this because i feel these things are important in any relationship and frankly i am the LEAST confrontational person i know so i'm truly not interested in fighting or talking anything out.

i'd rather be petty and resent from behind the scenes as opposed to clear the air. so there's my toxic trait.

now that i've tooted my own horn - i will say the opposite end. can't have people thinking an angel has dropped from heaven in the form of this bhabhi now, can we :p

here's the ways i'm also a shitty bhabhi - actually these all count to make me a super shitty human too. while i haven't shit talked my in laws in front of my son, i make it a point MANY TIMES OVER to ensure my own husband knows my grievances. i also share all my anger with my family - mama, baba, and my sister. and i do the occasional petty asshole thing that's just small enough to not be worth mentioning but also petty enough that i can feel some sort of peace from it. i get peace from doing petty shit - i feel like maybe i should be experiencing some sort of catharsis of how bad a person i am but a lot of things have changed since i've been in my 30s as of 2021. it is absolutely true what everyone says - you stop caring about a LOT as you age.

i will disclaim that with this though; my growing indifference, while i am convinced, comes from age - i also believe a healthy chunk of it comes from becoming a parent. another true thing that everyone says - everything truly becomes secondary after your have offspring. sorry....i think a better more fair way to phrase that would be; after you decide and choose to devote a big chunk of your being to raising another human being. whether they're your own dna or someone else's is frankly irrelevant.

ANYWAY i've gone on a lot of tangents in this post. it is 12:36 am in whitby, ON, CA right now - i'm pretty sure i want to wake up for a drink of water prior to my fast in just a few short hours so now i'm going to be brief (she says after spilling her whole life story :p)

my most recent beef with my SiL/nand happened on the occasion of my kids' 2nd birthday. such a great occasion right, they sure know how to pick 'em. a day that was meant to be all rainbows and butterflies and bittersweetness for me was for a chunk of it just bitter. my eldest SiL chose to fly out from texas to come to the birthday alone (sans family because prior to this there was a lot of shit talking us - yasir and i - since we apparently deliberately chose the date that we did to exclude her....as opposed to a universe where the dates that she was proposing just did not work for us but YOU KNOW, when the whole world revolves around you, why would you think about the next guy!)

we waited for them to arrive to the party and after they all arrived late and the entertainment arrived at roughly the same time and dinner hour as we'd planned for 7 pm was approaching - we decided to do the cake cutting.

we did the cake cutting just the 3 of us - yasir, esa, and i. we stood on stage under our balloon arch - that frankly even if more people chose to stand under there, they wouldn't have been able because it was too little to fit the whole village that is both mine and yasir's families. i mean they could have stood there and just been cut from all the pictures....that was a decision i did not particularly care for but whatever.

once we did the cake cutting - IN A HURRY because i wanted to move it along and get the entertainment and dinner going, i sort of rushed off stage. we also wanted to take our group pictures off stage so after the cake cutting we got down off the stage and i got my sister to announce that everyone could come up for pictures now.

while our cake cutting was happening, my SiL came up to us and was like "oh this it, it's okay it's okay, it's alright we have family and everyone cutting the cake also" and i IN MY HURRIED RUSHED STATE said "oh yeah this is it".

this apparently poked the bear beyond her ability to cope and she spent the next half hour not listening to her brother as her ran around asking her thrice or 4 times to come and take a picture with us and she refused and then to me she said "we will take the pictures with the cake cutting"

frankly, i was too rushed/stressed etc to care at this point. once things calmed down a little bit, dinner started, i took esa and fed him dinner at my in laws' table. all of them were apparently sooooo wrapped up in eating their food that they refused to acknowledge my presence or speak with me. so i stood up when my SiL did to go get more food (after esa was done eating) to also get food but really just as an excuse to speak to her.

i asked her if i'd done something wrong and if there was something she was upset about. and she said oh no no, it's all good, don't even worry. at the time i was upset only because all of these pictures will go back to our family back home and if khala (what we call my MiL, if you're confused here, it's my SiL and husband's mom and my MiL) were not in the front and centre right there with us cutting the cake and it would look really bad and everyone would talk.

BUT THE WEIRD THING IS. despite having a really super rushed cake cutting, we absolutely did bring up both my parents AND my MiL to cut the cake with us and take pictures. WE DID THIS PRIOR TO MY SiL getting all huffy and puffy and blowing my whole candle happiness down.

in any case, i said if there was anything i didn't mean it, i think i was quite careful not to actually outright apologize because frankly i was not interested. and i was already stressed and half there myself so she was like "oh no, don't worry, we know your nature, it was only temporary" and then she hugged me.

but my question in the end of all of this is - WHY. why do you feel so entitled to come to someone else's celebration and ruin it with your stupid little bullshit. i can choose to let this whole ordeal go - and i will eventually. but here's one of my petty little resentments just going on.

actually, you know what, if i'm honest with myself, now that i'm done letting it out here (this was really the last piece of it) i think i'm truly done. and i will let it go. she's made up for it and she was totally normal to me otherwise so i think we're all good now. but just why did this moment and this anger and this attitude even have to happen.

because, while i am not a nand now nor will i ever be, i HAVE to say....i truly don't see myself being this guy. i don't see my own respect depreciating if my bhabhi doesn't hold me higher than her own family or if my bhabhi doesn't ALWAYS take the first step.

respect is a two way street. and it's not based on age or manner of relation. it is *in fact* based on humanity. i am human and she is human - we should both respect each other.

that's it. i'm done. this might be the longest post i've ever posted but what can i say - such is the nature of our complicated-for-no-reason nand/bhabhi relationships in the desi culture.

much love,

-k

[fortune-failing]

Can't Sink What Hasn't Sailed Part VII

"If you react like this when I kill someone then you've conviced me that you don't like me for me but instead like who you think you can change me into being and that thought disgusts me" Except Aneris Doesn't Say That And Insteads Broods And Deflects Every Question Zarek Asks 

(After session 74. At night.)

Aneris

Despite what some might expect, Aneris was not currently located in or behind any bar or tavern, and instead was still in the isolated part of town where Loan had a tearful heart-to-heart just earlier in the night. She had found a bench and currently had her feet where butts belong and butt where heads belong, with Nicol perched on the top on the bench next to her. Every now and then one would look at the other but neither said anything.

Zarek

After walking for a while through town in the direction London had pointed to, and checking a tavern or two, Zarek spotted a figure sitting on a bench not in the way anyone else would actually sit there. The fact the figure was purple and black only made it way easier to notice it was Aneris. He approached her. "Hey, having fun outside?" He gave her a worried look instead of the appropriate sarcastic one he would usually have with such a greeting.

Aneris

As Zarek approached Aneris looks up from a white knife she had been turning over in her hands. She meets his eyes as he speaks. "You came all the way out here, to ask that?" She responds coldly.

Zarek

"Oh, how did you know?" Zarek smiled before dropping the act. "Of course I didn't, I came here to find you."

Aneris

"Well here I am, you found me." She waves a hand in the air for a moment despite her tone remaining unchanged. "Is that it then? Are you done?"

Zarek

"Do you want me to go away already?" He said in an almost mocking tone. Did he even need to ask?

Aneris

"Now there's an idea." Aneris perks up a little. Hadn't she been burdened with enough interaction for one day?

Zarek

Instead, he sat down on a side of the bench. "Are you going back to the inn later?"

Aneris

Aneris scowls, he wasn't good at following directions, was he? "Does that really matter?"

Zarek

"Hmm." He looks up. "I mean I don't doubt you can manage a night out, I'm more worried about the reason for it."

Aneris

"Well don't be. It's annoying." She continues to be curt for no god damn reason at all.

Zarek

"Maybe it is. Anything else you're upset about?"

Aneris

:donglong: "I didn't tell you to follow me out here." Aneris dodges any attempts at therapy hour.

Zarek

"Well, if I followed you I would have gotten here sooner, don't you think?" It was tough not to be equally as difficult as she was being.

Aneris

Aneris glares. "You know what I meant."

Zarek

"Yeah I do. And I'm also sure you're upset about other stuff too." He stretched his arms upwards and let one of them rest behind the bench.

Aneris

"What are you expecting to get out of this Zarek? Are you hoping that if we sit down and talk then suddenly everyone is going to get along perfectly and hold hands and skip our way to the Red Keep where we ask them to let the girl go pretty please?"

Zarek

"W-what?" Zarek was equally as surprised as he was amused. What kind of exaggeration was this? Was it supposed to prove a point?? "Not really, 'everyone' is too big of a goal, and 'perfectly' is an unrealistic wish. Are you that opposed to talking something out?"

Aneris

"I'm opposed to having my time wasted." Says the woman who was previously sitting alone in the dark, twiddingly her thu . . . knives. But maybe if she avoiding answering questions long enough he'd leave and she could go back to doing nothing.

Zarek

"Right, I forgot you have a very busy schedule and tight sleep hours. My bad."

Aneris

Aneris sighs. "Are you not going to leave until you're satisfied?" What does he even want from her, can't he see she's brooding?

Zarek

"Sure. Would that actually make you talk or will you try to stall me until I pass out?"

Aneris

Wow, thats a good idea actually. "Guess we'll have to find out, won't we." Aneris hopes that Zarek is greatful that there can't possible be anyone more difficult than her in his life

Zarek

"Stubborn, aren't we? Are you not accepting apologies tonight then?"

Aneris

Aneris thinks back to London's apology earlier in the night and her expression somehow found room to sour more. "Words are cheap." She mutters and looks away

Zarek

"You're upset because of a few words though, aren't you?" He looked at her this time.

Aneris

Aneris glares at a poor undeserving tree far off in the distance. It takes her a bit longer to construct her half-responce half-evasion this time. "It's possible they contributed. . . . . . . " she trails off, glaring even harder, but after a moment it becomes clear thats all she decided to say.

Zarek

"Then, was there something else that upset you before that?" He asked in a more worried tone. But he was almost sure there wasn't.

Aneris

Was it the tone of his voice, or the fact that he asked that made her doubt why she was upset? Either way it didn't matter, the result was Aneris getting more defensive. She grips the knife tighter in her hands as she starts to realize that there's no way she can think to answer his question without hurting her pride. She keeps quiet and just silently glares away from Zarek. It's too shameful to say her feelings were hurt, she's not a little bitch she can't say that. Saying she got irritated because of everyone bickering isn't much better though. She has a reputation to maintain.

Zarek

"You know, a cold 'yes' would have been a better way to stall this than keeping silent." He sighed. Going from cold indifferent responses to total silence wasn't the reaction he really wanted though. "Now it just made me more confident that it was just what I said alone."

Aneris

Fuck. Aneris isnt even sure if he arrived at the wrong conclusion or not, but at least he decided on something before she could. "Fine, you upset me, are you happy now?"Did she even answer a question? As long as she says something its fine right? It'll distract him from trying to make any observations about her for a minute. "You're just as bad as London, is that what you want to hear?" She singles London out but actually everyone pissed her off today.

Zarek

"Just as bad as London, huh?" So a escapegoat to vent all her anger towards to? That didn't sound too bad honestly. He sighed. "I don't think that was exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted a bit more detail on how did it upset you I guess. I mean, maybe I went too far."

Aneris

She finally looks back at him. Why is it so much easier to speak when she's pissed? Talking about feelings is considered for half a second before Aneris rightfully squashes the thought. "Do you really need details? You said something and it worked. It doesn't seem like you need any more ammo. You were upset too right? What's with all this focus on me."

Zarek

"I don't need more ammo. Geez, you'd think you'd already know leaving stuff unresolved isn't good. That's a fair point though, we can start this talking about how I got upset if you want." Though it will still mostly be talking about her.

Aneris

"Sure, do that instead." Was that unresolved comment another attack at her? Whatever, as long as the subject of the conversation is moving away from her she could start to relax again.

Zarek

"Hmm, I guess I was irritated at how you kept ignoring what I said." He tilts his head upwards to look at the night sky as he continues. "Most of that stuff really didn't seem worth your time or effort I guess."

Aneris

"I'm the one who gets to decided whether something's worth my time or not. And if you don't want to get ignored you should at least offer a reason to listen." This all seems like Zarek problems. It's good to know that nothing is ever Aneris' fault.

Zarek

"I guess I should trust your judgement on that. Someone who comes all the way out here to sit on a bench and stare into space must have a good sense of how to use their time." He sighs. It's the most difficult thing to be nice when all of Aneris' answers are like this. "So, do you take actual reasons to listen? Or do you discard and avoid anything you don't like?"

Aneris

"I wasn't staring into space." She points the knife in her hand at Zarek as she corrects him. "I made a knife." She flips the knife away from him again and goes back to twirling it in her hands. "You asked me not to kill your brother if we ran into him, that was a solid reason, but I can't believe that you had a good reason to hold back on the orcs."

Zarek

Zarek swallows upon hearing this, that one favor was still important to him. "There was no reason to hold back while we were fighting them." He sighs. Was it even worth saying that battles end after a side is defeated?

Aneris

"Then why were you so upset? Would you really have been happier knowing they were still out there, going right back to doing what they were before they picked a fight with us?"

Zarek

"I guess not but... are you going to tell me you got rid of them to protect future tiefling children? Or did you do it because you wanted to see how it would be to blighttouch someone until they died?" He looked back at her.

Aneris

She doesn't look away. "You want an honest answer for that?"

Zarek

"Yeah." He doesn't break eye contact either. It would be incredible if he actually got an honest answer.

Aneris

The faintest smile appears as she responds. "The tieflings had almost nothing to do with it, but it wasn't all curiosity either. I was irritated and killing them made me feel better. The method wasn't important, even if seeing the blight get him was another layer of satisfaction." She tilts her head as if she had to decide on something on the spot. "If you want to dumb it down, I did it because I could, and frankly, no one can argue they weren't asking for it. Is that honest enough for you?"

Zarek

"Yeah, I'm glad to hear the honest reason for it. So... You were irritated and decided to take it out on someone weaker to make you feel better." He got up from the bench "It's hard to say nobody can argue when the guy had already surrendered anyway. I guess after the conversation we had a few days ago I hoped you wouldn't do this kind of shit... That's all."

Aneris

The smile drops and her eyes narrow "Frame it however you want Zarek, when you draw a weapon on someone you don't get to complain about what might happen to you afterwards." "Oh and before you go, you might want to rethink whatever watered-down idealized bastardization of me exists in your mind. I don't need you building up hopes for me around some delusion you might believe in." what the fuck does he think he's talking about 'this kind of shit'. Aneris seems to be done with cold and switches hard into bitter.

Zarek

Zarek turns back to look at her. "Watered-down bastardization? Come on. If I had such an image of you I wouldn't be frustrated, I would be surprised. But nothing you did was completely unexpected." He clicked his tongue. "I thought being at the other end of someone who used violence on whoever he could without a bigger motive would make you think twice about doing it again. But I bet you're too much of an hypocrite to put two and two together, aren't you?" God, this really wasn't what he came to say at all.

Aneris

Ah, she's mad. Aneris raises her voice as she goes on "Yeah 'you thought', there's your problem. You say you don't have deluded expections for me, but in the same breathe start making up 'lessons' I'm supposed to be learning from things. For fucks sake, and you're calling me the hypocrite."

Zarek

"I guess having any kind of expectations at all was a problem, and yeah I'm calling you an hypocrite! Obviously thinking you can learn a lesson or something similar was a mistake when you're the less self-aware person I know!" He clenched his teeth. "I bet even when you're behaving like a completely open book you're the only one who has no idea about how you act!" He almost felt like he was running out of breath as he raised his voice against her.

Aneris

"Hey here's a lesson I learned, just for you." She makes no attempt to hold back the sarcasm. "I was stupid for thinking it'd be okay to trust you. Guess we both had the wrong idea about each other all along, what a coincidence. Hey how am I doing I'm going to need some feedback, cause I have no idea right?"

Zarek

Zarek gave her an angry smile in return. "That's pretty good actually, I prefer that you yell at me if I upset you instead of isolating yourself in the middle of the night while avoiding people!" Then clenched his fists.

Aneris

"If people piss me off whats wrong with avoiding them?" she lowers her voice again. Not allowed to kill annoying people, not allowed to take leisurly walks at night. What's a girl to do. "Or are you just worried if I'm left alone I might head back into the woods and finish the job."

Zarek

"I'm not worried about what you might go do to a group of criminals in a forest right now." He replied, still a bit more intense than he should be. "What I was worried about is knowing you were out here upset or hurt because of the shit I said."

Aneris

"Ohh? But you were so concerned about me taking my aggression out on those weaker than me just a minute ago." Her voice matches his intensity and she latchs on to any fight she can, a rebel without a cause. "And even if I was a little hurt, don't get so self-centered and assumed that's the whole reason I came out here." Wait what was the main reason she came out here. Aneris briefly considers the fact that she doesnt know anymore.

Zarek

"Oh, so you closed the door on my face and left without a word but the fact I upset you and you wanted to avoid me wasn't the reason you came all the way out here? I'm curious now, what's the real reason you left then." Zarek looked at her waiting for an answer but held back on giving any kind of smug expressions, instead looking more serious about it.

Aneris

ah . . . . fuck she did lock him out of the room earlier. Her volume lowers again. "I just wanted a walk . . . . . London was up to something suspicious so I got distract and ended up out here is all." Aneris impresses even herself with the lengths she'll go to to avoid admitting something.

Zarek

"A walk?" The way Aneris changed her way of answering only made Zarek more confident in what he was saying. "London came back to the inn a good while ago, are you telling me he distracted you so much you've been sitting around here instead of continuing your walk?"

Aneris

"Well he pisses me off a lot too, it's only natural I would get distraced" wow she's not even lying, London did actually distract her walk

Zarek

"Isn't it more natural you'd avoid him too instead of getting distracted? 'if people piss you off what's wrong with avoiding them?'" Zarek sighs. "Nevermind about London, why are you even bringing him up in your excuse..?" Did she think this was more convincing?

Aneris

'I was hoping if I followed him he'd fall down a cliff and I could watch' ah shit, can't say that probably. "I'm a really bad judge of character, he had seemed less completly awful lately." She mutters answering the easier question. "You know I've spent a lot of my life out wandering at night, it's not really weird if I want to take a walk everynow and then." Holy shit how does Zarek deal with her

Zarek

Less awful lately, huh? It was kind of weird how they really started getting along better.....again... For like the third time. Maybe it wasn't that weird. "I'll give you that wanting to take a walk isn't weird. But wanting to take one just because... right when you're feeling upset and hurt? You either haven't connected the dots or you really don't want to say it, do you?" Zarek sighs, he didn't look angry anymore, maybe a little tired or a little frustrated, but can anyone blame him?

Aneris

So this is it, an hour of arguing and now she has to admit to either being stupid or having an emotion. "Maybe I don't" she looks away again.

Zarek

"Is there a reason you don't want to say it?" The answer seemed kind of crystal clear though.

Aneris

"Why should I?" Say it? Have a reason? She offers no clue to what she's actually responding to that cunt

Zarek

"What, are you afraid something bad will happen if you actually admit it?" On the other hand, Zarek also offers more questions instead of answers.

Aneris

What an unfortunate line of questioning. "I stand nothing to gain from admiting things, it's just a waste of time. . . ."

Zarek

"Does it waste more time than avoiding it with more questions?"

Aneris

"Yes."

Zarek

Zarek has to hold himself back from taking a deep breath. "Seriously? You don't really gain anything by avoiding this stuff, do you?"

Aneris

"Well I almost gained a nice relaxing walk through town." Maybe if Aneris had some of that self-reflection Zarek mentioned earlier she could ask herself why she was pushing back so much.

Zarek

"Saying 'almost' really is as good as saying 'I didnt'. I mean, if we're mentioning 'what-ifs' if you told me stuff at the inn and went for a walk I wouldn't come to interrupt it."

Aneris

"So if I told you that you pissed me off and I didn't want to look at you I could be living it up and relaxing right now?"

Zarek

"Yeah! Just tell me directly why did I upset you and why you don't want to look at me and I'll give you all the time alone you want!"

Aneris

Aneris wonders if Zarek knows he's asking for a lot. "Well for starters you overreacting to how I choose to handle things is really annoying. I don't need someone trying to hold me back. And I don't need you comparing me to Ladon like you know either of us." Anti hits enter without proofreading her reply because honestly Aneris is trash and it's Zareks problem now

Zarek

Zarek takes a deep breath. "Thanks. I'll try not to be so overbearing and I'll avoid comparing you to 'people I don't really know', that was a pretty shitty thing to do anyway." He starts to head out and yawns. "In any case, I'm sorry for bothering you on your... walk, and getting so riled up. I just wanted to apologize for being insensitive earlier. Goodnight."

Aneris

She stares at him, not really sure of much of anything at the moment then hops down off the bench. "Yeah well see that it doesn't happen again." She reverts to her cold demeanor from earlier as she sticks her arm out and retrieves Nicol from the bench and turns to leave in the other direction.

Zarek

Instead of giving her a reply he just waves his hand as he walks away. Maybe he should get another room tonight. But then again Aneris doesn't really need sleep, and probably won't want to come back, after all, she loves walking at night. It's not worth the money.