#toa angst

[fandomregina]

Hi!! Could you mayhaps write something about Douxie's childhood/before Merlin took him in?? There's so many angsty possibilities!! 😜🤘

Oh my, this hurt my heart to make and I am now realizing I might continue this on AO3, but im not sure yet. But yes I’m sorry this took so long because there are so, so many angsty possibilities and this writing style is so much fun. I hope you enjoy! (also, please dont forget to send in anon prompts if you wish!) 

Hisirdoux Casperan has been many things. A brother, a friend, a waiter, an employee, a guitarist, and an apprentice. But, before he became the last Master Wizard on Earth, before he came to Arcadia, before spending 900 years traveling the world with his familiar, and even before he was the apprentice to the late Merlin Ambrosius, he was a street rat and even before that, he was a child. Hisirdoux’s story is a long, painful one and to understand where he is now, let us start from the beginning. 

The last time he saw his blood family, Hisirdoux was 12. Just as he began to go through all of the awkward stages of puberty, there was one stage that he went through that many pre-teens do not- a magic stage. However, this stage was not temporary like all of the other awkward stages of puberty. It was very much a permanent one. 

But before we begin to tell his story, let us go back a few years. Hisirdoux comes from a family of four: a mother, a father, and a little sister. Although his family was not wealthy, they were not completely poor. His parents owned a small farm as many did outside of Camelot’s walls. Hisirdoux helped his parents cultivate the land starting at the age of 7, five years before he was chased from the very land he cultivated. When he was 5, his little sister, Felica, was born. Two years later, however, his mother passed from illness, leaving Hisirdoux and his father to plow the land. 

When Hisirdoux was not planting crops, however, he was taking care of his sister, cooking, and cleaning. When his father took the 80% of the food they grew to the market to sell, Hisirdoux and Felica would come along and would each get enough money to buy a singular thing. Hisirdoux would buy Felica’s favorite candy and he would stash his, saving up enough money to buy himself a satchel. 

This went on for many years. Hisirdoux cared for the land in the morning, cared for his sister in the afternoon, and cared for his father and sister at night. The only time he was able to care for himself was when the two were asleep and he could climb up onto the roof of their house and look at the stars. 

However, it all began to change three weeks after Hisirdoux’s twelfth birthday. He had cut himself on one of the farming tools. Before he could even call to his father that he needed to go inside to wash the wound, it healed. Hisirdoux shrugged it off as him imagining it since the wound never even bled when he cut himself. 

The second time his magic presented itself was much harder to shrug off. It was 2 months after the first time and it was the afternoon, so Hisirdoux was caring for his sister. He was making the afternoon snack and left the knife on the edge of the counter. Felica, curious at the age of 7, and wanting to help Hisirdoux make the afternoon snack, reached for the knife. However, she was not tall enough to grab it off the counter yet, so she was only able to touch the bottom edge of the knife. As Hisirdoux turned around, having done so to grab a plate, he put his hand out as the knife fell and towards his sister. Before it reached her, however, it flew to his hand. Panicking, he dropped the knife with a yelp. His sister, still too young to understand what had happened, went back to playing with what little toys the Casperan house had. Hisirdoux quickly decided not to tell his father (or anyone, for that matter). 

The third time that Hisirdoux’s magic presented itself was the first and last time his father saw it, along with the entire village 4 months after the first time his magic presented itself. It was the last Monday of the 8th month, so the Casperans and every farmer in the village were in town, selling what foods they had made in the past 4 months. Hisirdoux was buying Felica’s favorite candy when it happened. Just as the two paid and left the stall, a large man with a knife began to yell. He had seen Hisirdoux put extra coins into his newly bought satchel and demanded him to give it over. Hisirdoux, the stubborn boy he is, said no. This angered the man and he charged at the two. Panicking, and wishing to protect his little sister, Hisirdoux stood between Felica and the man with his arms in an x. Douxie felt something come from himself and when he opened his eyes, the man was unconscious nearly 25 feet away. Almost immediately the villagers began to whisper. Then, they began to yell and scream. 

“Witchcraft!”

“Magic!” 

“Get him!” 

Hisirdoux began to run as the villagers began to chase. With one last look behind him as he entered the forest that bordered the north-western side of the village, he saw his father pick up Felica and turn around to take her home. And so, Hisirdoux ran. 

~~~~~~~

Hisirdoux ran. He ran, and ran, and ran until his legs gave out. Collapsing somewhere in the forest as the jeers and shouts of the villagers began to fade. What happened quickly begins to crash down on the boy and he begins to sob. 

He couldn’t have magic. He couldn’t be a wizard. He just couldn’t. 

As he continues to cry underneath a large tree, the forest soon begins turning dark, signaling that Hisirdoux needs to find shelter. Quickly. 

Wiping his tears, Hisirdoux begins to look around for something, anything, that he could use as a shelter for the night. Finding a tree with large enough branches to sit on, Hisirdoux climbs it. Reaching the middle of the tree, just before the branches begin to thin, he picks a branch and sits on it, leaning against the body of the tree. Sighing, he closes his eyes. 

Where was he to go? There was a river that ran north and a river that ran south. Hisirdoux immediately chose the one that ran south. He could not survive the cold winters the north faced. 

What about food? He could try to sneak into his house when his father was working in the field, but he has no idea how his father would react if he saw him again. Hisirdoux sighs. He would much rather take those chances than to starve to death in a few days' time. 

As light begins to pour into the forest again, Hisirdoux climbs down from the tree. It wasn’t the best night of sleep he’s ever gotten, but it certainly wasn’t the worst. Looking around the forest, he tries to figure out where he came from. His family’s farm was south of the village, but which way was south? Looking down, he stares at his shadow. He gasps. He was facing west, so his back was towards the east. That means, to go south, he had to continue to the left of where he was facing. 

As he walks south, deciding it would do him no good to run, Hisirdoux wonders how his father is going to react seeing him again if he’s caught. Angry? Happy? Scared? What is he going to tell Felica? Hisirdoux shakes his head. He’d figure that out when it came. For now, he had to continue south and not get caught. 

As the forest begins to open up to the fields, he begins to move along the tree line west, staying out of view of the families working their own farms at this time. When he finally reaches his farm, Hisirdoux makes sure nobody is looking when he sprints across the land and to the house. Entering from the backdoor, he makes sure to shut it quietly to not alert his father or sister. Sneaking into the kitchen, he grabs what food he can, making sure to leave enough for his father and sister. Douxie swings his head around, clutching a loaf of bread when he hears the front door open. His father stands in the doorway, staring at him. 

“Hisirdoux,” He whispers, walking towards his son slowly. 

“Dad,” Hisirdoux cries, running towards him. The two hug tightly knowing it will be their last. “Where’s Felica?” Hisirdoux asks, pulling himself from his father. 

“She’s taking a nap.” Hisirdoux sighs with relief. “What were you thinking, Hisirdoux?” His father asks, gripping his shoulders. “They could have killed you.” Pulling him in for another hug, Hisirdoux buries his face in his father’s chest. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m not even sure what I did.” Hisirdoux grips the back of his father’s shirt. The two let go of one another. 

“You have to leave before they realize you’re back. Take some more bread and a few bottles of water. I’ll get you some coins.” His father quickly makes his way to his room as Hisirdoux packs his satchel with food and water. When his father comes back, he’s holding a pouch with coins. “This should hold you over until you get to the next town for food.” Hisirdoux takes it and gasps at how much is in it.

“Dad, I can’t-” His father puts his hands over Hisirdoux’s. 

“I can make more. It’s alright. Now, quickly. Go through the backdoor and follow the river south. There’s a town not too far from here. A few day's journey.” Hisirdoux nods. 

“Can… Can I tell her goodbye?” Hisirdoux pleads. His father nods. 

Placing the pouch of money into his satchel, Hisirdoux makes his way towards the shared room he and his sister have. Opening the door, he smiles. “Hey, Felica.” The young girl turns from the window to him, smiling. 

“Douxie!” She cries, running towards her older brother. He squats down to hug her. “Where did you go?” Hisirdoux pulls away from her, smiling sadly. 

“I have to go, Felica. What I did yesterday to protect you is something that’s feared here.” Felica starts to tear up.

“So you have to leave… because you protected me?” She sobs, crashing into her brother again. Hisirdoux tightens his hold on her. 

“No, of course not, Felica. I have to leave because of what I am.” He pulls her away from him. “But if I had the chance to go back and redo it, I would do it a million times again to protect you.” He smiles. “I love you, Felica. Don’t you ever forget it, okay?” She nods, wiping her tears. 

“I love you too, Douxie.” She hugs him one last time before he stands, placing a kiss on the top of her forehead. 

“I don’t think I’ll be back for a while, Felica. So, you have to promise me this, ok? Take care of dad.” She nods. 

“I promise.” 

“Goodbye, Felica.” 

“Douxie, wait!” She yells, scrambling to her bed. Reaching under her pillow, she pulls out a metal bracelet made of metal triangles. “I bought this yesterday after you ran to the forest in case I saw you again. I bought two so we could always be wearing the same one.” She hands it to Hisirdoux. Wiping at his tears, Hisirdoux puts on the bracelet and looks at Felica’s wrist, seeing that she already had hers on. “Don’t you ever forget me, okay?” She sniffed. Hisirdoux reaches down for one last hug. 

“Never. I promise.”

 Walking out of the room with Felica trailing behind him, Hisirdoux hugs his father one last time before leaving. Sprinting to the forest, Hisirdoux only looks back once he’s safe within the trees. He stares at the figures of his father and sister on the back doorstep before he turns and begins his journey south. 

He begins his journey to Camelot.