#toc the younger

[fallowhearth]

And this mouth, so eager with its words, it has tasted the succulent juices of its kin - remember that?

No, he could not.

But the body can. It knows hunger and desire on the battlefield - walking among the dead and dying, seeing the split flesh, the jutting bones, smelling the reek of spilled blood - ah, how the mouth waters.

Well, everyone had his secrets. And few are worth sharing. Unless you enjoy losing friends.

In a series where so very many people are having a terrible time, it's comforting to know you can always depend on Toc the Younger to be having the worst possible time.

[chloristoflora]

"I might as well turn back here and now," Toc said.

She raised an eyebrow. "You lack confidence?"

"Lady, I'm no Seguleh. I'm not an ay on the edge of ascendancy. I'm not a T'lan Imass. I'm not a dog that can stare eye-to-level-eye with a Hound of Shadow! And I'm not a witch who can boil men alive with a snap of her fingers!"

"A witch! Now I am offended!" She advanced on him, arms crossed, eyes flaring. "A witch! And have you ever seen me snap my fingers? By the Abyss, what an inelegant notion!"

He took an involuntary step back. "A figure of speech-"

"Oh, be quiet!" She took his face in her hands, pulled him inexorably closer. Her full lips parted slightly.

Toc tried to pull away, but his muscles seemed to be dissolving around his bones.

She stopped suddenly, frowned. "No, perhaps not. I prefer you... free." The frown shifted to a scowl. "Most of the time, in any case, though you have tried my patience this morning."

She released him, studied his face for a moment longer, then smiled and turned away. "I need to get changed, I think. Senu! When you're done, find me my wardrobe!"

Toc slowly shook himself. He was trembling, chilled in the wake of a sure, instinctive knowledge of what that kiss would have done. And poets write of the chains of love. Hah! What they write figuratively she embodies literally. If desire could have a goddess...

Memories of Ice, by Steven Erikson (Malazan Book of the Fallen #3)

[lemoncholy-stars]

end of camp and i might cry

[ticenchantedtoc]

There's so much crackfic potential of Geara and Marianette as siblings

[seventhcallisto]

Chapter 11 — "you promise?"

—Deep Down.

Toc/cw; ateez being absolutely fking whipped for you. Mutual pining(they don't know its mutual tho). unironic use of alpha(I'm sorry ik it's bad). omega, omega, and more omega. (you'll understand that soon) fluffy but also really angst but dw it's gonna be okay I SWEAR. You overworking, mention of diet culture (for one line) and the struggles of being an idol, suggestive undertones towards the end. If I forget warnings, it's bc I don't know or forgot to add them.

There's a forbidden trail you follow. One you never thought you'd be led on. Wooyoungs hands are firm and soft when he pulls you along, and your tears dry quickly. Something you've gotten used to with time, the way his soft, smooth hand holds your own. You wish to be able to feel them for the first time again.

The first time. It was a fan sign. It's one of the first ones. You can't believe how nervous you were, yet you stood your ground and faced the crowd. Deep and methodical breaths filled your lungs.

Wooyoungs hand slips into yours under the table, out of view from everyone. If it was accidental, he doesn't seem to notice. Back then, you were just as small and niave. He squeezes once. Then twice. You wait. Feeling as if you should anticipate something.

You watch him from the corner of your eye. With his free hand, he waves, on his chubby face is a smile. His purple hair sways from the fans overhead. You want to push it out of his face.

You squeeze. Not once. Not twice. But three times. 'I love you.' The three squeezes. Letting the words echo in your mind. You don't expect him to know it. Something you learned when you were a kid in a foreign place, pretending to know what those words actually meant.

He squeezes back, one time.

You don't even pull your head up to look at the car. Don't even bother to watch where you step when you get into it. Wooyoung does the guiding for you. Doubtfully. Messily. He's never been good on his feet unless he was dancing.

That's not true, but he wants to make it seem like he's not nervous at the realization.

You, the beta of the pack. The one he's got closest with as soon as you met. You, the slick smiling, bias wrecking, only girl, 9th member of his permanent group. You, who he loves to squeeze, tease, and mess around with. the most calm, level-headed, beta person he knows.

The alpha can't believe it. Well, not to stereotype. But he's definitely stereotyping when he says you are- were the definition of beta.

You're an omega? He doesn't understand it himself.

It's a flashback to the day seonghwa found your bottle of scent suppressants.

It takes him a while to realize what it is, fiddling with the bottle in his hands.

"What's this for?" He asks, yunho. His left eyebrow raised. Yunho sits across from him on the free couch. He sits on the edge, scratching at his hair. The energy he holds is as if he's about to defend the reason he slipped the bottle into seonghwas hand when they got through the front door from filming. And he does.

"Have you been noticing anything off with her?" He points to the bottle, eyebrows raised. Seonghwa tries to connect the invisible dots yunho is throwing at him.

He nods. But he speaks up, "she's been different since she came back from the hospital. She's tired." He defends your honor even if it isn't something you said directly. Seonghwa looks back down at the yellow label. 'New Box' is the headline of the bottles sticker.

'Scent suppressants for all sexes, works best for omegas and betas' the smaller fine print says under it.

"Did you steal this from her bag???" Seonghwas jaw drops, he finally connects some of those invisible dots. A picture is beginning to form.

Yunho shoots up from his seat, pacing between the couches. "I did, but earlier today at the monitor, you remember, yeah?" Yunho looks to seonghwa briefly. His hand falls to his hip.

"Yes.. and?" How could seonghwa forget the display his younger membered showed with you? He had half a mind to turn away and walk. It's not like he was jealous, not with yunho.

He's just not a big fan of being touchy in public, but he wouldn't have mind if he was there, telling you you're perfect along with yunho. He doesn't think about it any further.

"When I was showing her the monitor, I leaned over, and when I did, I smelt.." yunho rubs a hand down his face. "I smelt her, really her," even yunho sounds crazy to himself.

"You know that artificial smells she's had since she came back?" Yunho jumps to the deep end. "Yeah?" Seonghwa sighs. Yunho takes his seat across seonghwa again. "That's what that is, and since I helped myself to her bag. I found a bunch of other things too"

Seonghwa doesn't want to pry into your personal stuff. But yunho doesn't sound too far-fetched. Yunho pulls out his phone, handing it to seonghwa. On the screen is a picture. The first thing he sees is a couple of small roll on perfumes. Clear, tiny fluid filled bottles without labels. A couple of medications he knows you keep on hand. Headache relief and sore body relief pills. Your tiny knick nacks take up the bottom of the bag, it's endearing really, everything in the bag screams you.

'Heat suppressants'

His eyes bulge. He zooms in with the pads of his fingers, zooming in on the bottle. Like birth control, it's got a subtle design to blend in.

Seonghwas heart leaps to his throat. He blinks, at a lost of words. "Thats not all" yunho leans behind the couch tucked against the wall. Where he pulls out something he hid.

Yunho throws the brown bag he recognizes from earlier this week, from when you got back from the hospital. The bag san grabbed. It's zipped open.

Tea bags and cake recipes in plain boxes. Shampoo and conditioner seonghwa is unfamiliar with. Perfumes and bottles of lotion he knows none of the guys or you use. But most distinctly is the smell of you. The scent of you. Vetiver, pumpkin, ambrette, and morning rain. There's the linger of alcohol and artificial scents in it.

Artificial beta you. It's surprising since it's coming from a bag and not the direct source that is your comforting aroma.

"She's an omega" yunho breathlessly says, taking the words straight from seonghwas' thoughts. The news isn't as shocking as he thought I'd be, it's like he already knew deep down.

Hongjoong doesn't know anything about that. The day he returns to the apartment at 4 am, he's surprised to see you wrapped up all comfy on couch. For a second his eyes watch the screen flicker across your soft features.

And when he takes his seat next to you, his hand drifts to find you. Subconsciously, his finger touches the soft skin on your ankle. He doesn't dare move any further.

He knows his hand is cold, his rings even colder. When you shiver, but don't pull away. You unconsciously drive him crazy. The back and forth conversation is at the very back of his mind. He misses you. He missed you a lot. And since he's been so busy, he hasn't gotten the chance to actually be there with you ever since you got back.

That week without you was miserable.

"I wanted to wait for you," your soft voice says. It echos in his head and peirces the silence that settles over the two of you. God, if only you knew how long he's been saying that for years to imaginary you that loves him equally so. Whenever you got close, and he wanted to lean in and kiss you all over.

But it's all in his head. And that's where it'll stay.

When your hand grips his, he leans in so you're not contorting yourself. "Lay with me?" You don't have to ask twice. Hongjoong scoots up right next to you. He drinks in your makeup free face, bare skin on display. A little breath you let out has him looking down at your plump lips, he quickly looks back up, hoping you didn't catch his stare.

"Nightmare?" He whispers, that's the only reason you stayed up, that's the only reason you want him so close. It's his duty as the pack captain to keep you safe in his close proximity. He pushes out his scent, hoping to ease you.

Your soft breathing fans his face, your droopy eyes slowly closing. His favorite smell in the entire world is you. Distant Vetiver. He breathes out. Watching your face relax. Soft Pumpkin. His hand falls over your hip. He wants so desperately to pull you closer. ambrette, and morning rain. He didn't know morning rain could smell like anything, but it's you.

You. It's always been you. All day, ever since you walked up that hill and gave him the most content of hug when you got back, the smell you unconsciously pushed out from the scent gland on your neck. he's been thinking about it.

You don't smell like those familiar scents anymore. You smell completely different now.

Sweet sugary nectar that enraptured his every being. And he isn't upset about it. Something in him is very fond of it.

When he wakes up the morning after. He doesn't want to move an inch. But he knows if he doesn't, your neck will be sore from the awkward way it lays on his arm. He sits up slightly, wordlessly wiggling his arm from under your head. He makes sure it doesn't fall with his hand cushioning you.

For a minute, he doesn't slip his hand from behind your head. His right thumb caresses your cheek, soft and shallow. You lean into his touch whilst you sleep, and he smiles down at you, a small snicker passes his lips at the situation. He bites his grin back.

Hongjoong wants nothing more than to be wrapped around your finger. To be the guy you want. To take care of you like you do him.

Hongjoong wants you to come to him with the truth when you're ready.

Jongho walks past your room. Once, twice, five times. Every time he wants to knock, he hears you on the other side. And he freezes up. He's like some lovesick puppy crawling at your door, whining to be let in.

Fuck it.

He knocks and pushes your door open. You're spread on the bed, your comforter and sheets scrunched up around you. The sun from behind him casts on you like an angel. The hue of sleepiness in your eyes when you lock them with his has him gulping nervously.

"Want to get some breakfast?" He sighs into his words, letting the anxiety out. Your smile- That makes jonghos' heartbeat thump loudly in his ears- lights up your face.

"Yes"

The walk is short, something jongho isn't fond of when he gets the chance to have these moments with you. Your shoulders bump. And he pulls the door open for you. The crowd only makes him walk closer to you.

You wrap your arm in his. Do you know what you're doing? You're killing him. Truly. Even the tiny things hold him hostage.

When he goes to order, you don't cut him off. That's the first red flag he sees. You're so independently you. It's custom for you to do so.

When you lean up to whisper in his ear. That's the second one. You never lean up to anybody. Usually, people lean down to hear you. Not the other way around. Still, he meets you halfway.

Jongho slides next to you, the excuse of it's too crowded on this tip of his tongue if you ask. You never do. You don't pull away when his shoulder bumps yours. "How's your elbow?" His fingers graze your arm.

You look up at him, your brows crease. It's then jongho thinks about how short you are. It distracts him only for a second.

You respond simply, shrugging him off. That's red flag number three. Jonghos eyebrows furrow, and his face pulls at his mask.

"If it wasn't, why were you in the hospital for a week?"

He watches the war of emotions flash your features. And that's the final straw for him. You clearly lie when you mumble out an excuse. He wants to press you. What are you lying about?

Why would you lie?

"Tests? What for?" He leans on his shoulder, staring at you from over the black mask on his face. He takes charge of the conversation. He waits.

"Because i.. because I'm a -" Ding!

The ding signifies jongho clicking everything into place. It's like a puzzle he's been working on. How you smelt different when he hugged you after you returned. How docile you looked this morning. How you leaned up into him. How you grabbed him. All of this is so uncommon for you.

Jongho is so used to you looking throughly messy in the morning. It's not something he dislikes (he likes how you look always), but it's so you to be messy. You leaning up into him, he doesn't ignore the way you take a big inhale in his ear before you speak. It's not his imagination. These things are so unlike you. Yes, you are the beta standard. Everyone agrees. Even you. But this.. You're being so.. he can't wrap his head around it.

Because.

He walks up to the counter, taking everything he ordered in his strong grip.

Because you're an omega and jongho is the alpha who figured it out.

Jonghos feet past faster than yours on the concrete. He doesn't slow down because he's locked in thought. He doesn't even notice when he sets a tone he didn't mean. He's gotta ask someone else about this.

He's got to figure something out.

Mingi is so clueless when it comes to you. Mingi is.. actually very clueless all the time. When yunho bursts into their shared bedroom. Ripping off the blanket from mingi. He's got half a mind to sit there, blinking his eyes in a sleepy daze. Yunho explains his master plan.

Mingi doesn't register any of it until yunho tells him a second time.

Mingi isn't unhappy about being told by yunho that you're an omega. He's completely still out of it. He's mostly unhappy he didn't figure it out himself.

It's very mingi to come to your room with a pillow that smells heavily like him. Your room is the most comforting in the apartment. He likes to think he contributes to it because his scent lingers in your bed the next morning. A certain possessiveness mingi indulges in.

Your sleepy face turns towards him. Beckoning him in.

He forgets the story yunho prepared for him.

You are so pretty. "Can I sleep in here tonight?" He fiddles with your doorknob when you look at him. He knows if the media got wind of how pretty you actually are, they'd be all over you in a second. He's somewhat happy the makeup artist don't do your specific features justice. When you let him in, he kicks his feet when he falls on your bed. The bed that smells like you.

The sugary sweetness under the mask of your beta scent is something he particularly takes a full second to shove his face in.

"I sleep better in your bed," he finally says, pulling his face up from your spot that smells specifically like you and no one else. Your fingers pull the glasses off his nose. He forgot he even had them on. As you lean over to put his glasses on your side table. He takes an indulgent whiff of you.

"It's because my room isn't messy," he can hear the smile in your words. It makes him smile. He bites his cheek gently. In the silence he tries to remember what yunho wanted him to say.

"I'm sorry again," he murmurs. And like you always do, you reassure him. It isn't his fault. There's no witty remark, something you usually make because you prefer to keep things light and he knows that.

Your excuse doesn't make him upset either, he doesn't think anything you do will make him upset. When he says something that makes you laugh, his heart pumps blood up his neck and his cheek grown warm.

He knows he's awake enough that it's not the drowsiness that takes over his next moves. Mingi searches for your hand under the pillow, when he finds it, he pulls it closer to his side. A satisfied sigh leaves his parted lips.

The softness of your skin to mingi is like falling into a basket of bunnies. Okay, maybe he's being dramatic. But his thumb caresses you like he would a bunnies ear.

What does he say now?

"I'm here if you ever need anything" it slips outs, his finger parts your thumb to intertwine his fingers between his. The scent glands between his fingers meet yours. A passionate and forward display of affection that mingi soaks in.

Until you pull away. And the faint crack of his heart rings in the dark room.

San and yeosang share the space at the top of the tower, prideful, they watch you lean and maneuver yourself. San is doing most of the shouting.

As soon as you get close enough, yeosang is pulling you over. Praises stop just as he's about to say them. The whiff that comes with you is sweet and all-consuming. San smells it, too.

You take it with you when you run to the table. Your smile is beaming. But San and Yeosang don't smile back.

Shock hangs in the air. Yeosang and san only stare in shock when you pull out something. Rolling it over yourself.

Afterward, you run without looking back. Yeosang doesn't know exactly what to do. Neither does San.

When they meet up at the bottom of the tower, San pulls hongjoong aside whilst wooyoung pulls yeosang aside. "What happened? Where is -" He asks his best friend with worried eyes. Yeosang doesn't know whether or not to tell him.

"I.." yeosang looks anywhere else. Wooyoung doesn't wait for yeosang to answer, pulling him over to the boys who crowd San and Hongjoong.

"I don't know where she went." San throws his hand up. Hongjoong steps back with his hands on his hips. Somewhere around here they will be called back to set and you will be missing.

Wooyoung is utterly confused, "what's going on?" He asks, and everyone goes silent. He steps forward, repeating himself louder this time.

"She's an omega," San says quietly, glancing at hongjoong and then back at wooyoung. Whatever response wooyoung was expecting, it certainly wasn't that.

And now that you're all caught up. Wooyoung storms the entirety of the building searching for you. Any hint of your freshly dyed hair, scent, or perfume is another lead to getting to you. Letting an omega, one distressed and upset loose around a building where, yes good people are, but there is bad somewhere. Everywhere. And he especially told the guys about this.

"You let OUR pack member go? When she's extremely upset? Did anyone even- by herself! She's still healing and you let her go off by herself!?"

Yes, maybe he's being more mature than he's even seen. It shocks himself more than his members. And when he finally finds you, a different weight falls over his chest. Your sobs and tears are the last thing wooyoung wants to hear or see. Softly, he reaches out. You pull away, upset, you say words that have wooyoung pulling his lip between his teeth to prevent barking back anything he could say in the moment that'll hurt your feelings more. You're highly sensitive right now.

Wooyoung doesn't know if he's ever seen you cry like this before. Doesn't even remember an instance he's ever seen you so upset. The first time wooyoung saw you crying, you let a few fall, wiped them away, took a deep breath. Then you got up and continued with your day. Just a few tears compared to the river you are at the moment.

He wants to wipe them away and pull you into his chest. He can't, though. You're irratic, lost in your own head, and nothing he's currently saying will get to you.

He chances it. "Omega, please." he calls to you.

It's like a switch. You look up at him with puffy eyes. The shock on your face makes wooyoung feel terrible. It should have been something you came to tell him about. It's not something he overheard from someone else like gossip. It shouldn't have been.

As soon as the car comes to a slow stop at the apartment, you can't bring yourself to walk up the stairs or even get out.

You know, as soon as you get out and stay locked up in your room, once the guys return, someone will come to ask questions. That things will change from what you're used to. And you'll lose something valuable. It's just a sneaking suspicion. But to you, it's the ever growing truth.

"Chen? Could you please take me to the dance studio?" You ask, staring up at the building. Chen, bless his heart, takes a second to think about it. Worry creases his graying eyebrows.

The dance room is a breath of fresh air. The familiar space takes away your thoughts.

And now that you're in this familiar space, you do what you do best. You dance to distract yourself. Your phone hooks up to the speakers, blaring loudly. Music beats your eardrums, and your heart does, too when you move about freely.

Your newly dyed hair sticks to your face. Your clothes aren't very dance worthy but you've wore more uncomfortable ones on stage. Your low waisted jeans stick to your skin, along with the hoodie sweater you wore. You're sweating heavily.

You don't even have your purse to reapply your scent blockers. It doesn't matter if you did. You don't care who knows anymore. Your manager isn't here either. A giant no-no. You left filming, an even bigger no-no. And now no one knows where you are except for Chen, the ultimate no-no. You trust him not to say anything, though.

You might get removed from the group for this. You might get blacklisted. Kicked off the face of earth. And you wont know until they tell the media. You wont know until atiny find out. But what does it matter when nothing matters to you at the moment. You've never broken your contract rules. No dating? Not even when you were a trainee. Keep up with diet culture? Who needs food anyways. No partying? You got it, boss. No smoking? You don't like smoking anyway. Get used to wearing irritating makeup and the stuck-up people you deal with on a daily basis? Gladly.

Never, never allow yourself to get comfortable. The fear of never being enough will keep you on your toes, perform until you pass out, sing til your lungs hurt, and write lines until you can't feel your fingers. Work endlessly 24/7.

You fall to your knees, breathing heavily. Your head meets with the cold wood floor. You lean against it for support. Breathe. You're trying. Continously heaving for breath. You wrap your arms around yourself, your knees pull into your chest against the floor your head still is tucked on the wood.

The burden taken on every day is your own. The way you work yourself to the brink of death is your own doing. Your manager has told you this before, even in your day off. Everyone you know has said the same thing, everyone knows how hard you push.

"You've earned it," Kimmie celebrates. Handing you a cupcake. "You debuted!" She cheers, blowing on a whistle, you stare down at the pink frosting in shock. "I'm so proud of you"

Years later, are you proud of yourself, though? Years later, are you willing to let your dream die? Years later, are you willing to risk everything? To tell them how you really feel, why you are the way you are now? How you became this way?

The door to the dance practice room stutters open. The foggy glass gives away your position inside along with the bright lights. Your breathing is all caught up, but you still keep yourself as low to the floor as you can.

Don't look, pretend you're not here, please. Please.

A warm hand meets your back. You can't hear anyone over the music. It stops abruptly. The silence is suffocating, just like the jeans you're wearing. Just like the hoodie you have on. The cold of the floor caresses your sweaty forehead, that is, until someone's hand wedges between it and you.

Softly pulling your head off the floor, yeosangs lean pale arms come into view. Your face turns in his direction, a deep set pout and fear in your wide eyes. He's squatted next to you, his knees on the floor must be uncomfortable. His hand brushes the hair off your hairline back. Words are stuck in his throat.

"It's okay." he whispers just to you, sighing at the end. Your eyes fall into a squint at the floor, and your nose scruches. He takes a second, thinking over his next move. He decides to guide you into his chest. He doesn't overthink it. Maneuvering your arms to wrap around him.

Yeosangs arms wrap around you. he's comfortable and caring, his heart beats down next to your ear. He doesn't really know what to do with his hands, he's not very good with touch. But he's trying for you. He lands softly on the floor, sitting on his butt and pulling you closer into the gap between his lean legs. His hand rubs on your arm, the other hand on your hair strokes it behind your ear delicately. Lemonade tea and cocoa butter stripes the stress off your shoulders, yeosangs scent is addicting. Like a warm blanket.

"I'm sorry, I'm okay" you try to reassure. Who? You don't even know. Yeosangs head nods over your hair, he doesn't believe you thus why he keeps pushing out his scent to calm you. But he let's you say it anyways. The door opens once again, scraping against the wood sharply.

"Did you -" it's jongho, his words fall short. He turns around and walks back out the door. The distant shout in the hallway signals that this is real and jongho is calling the rest of the guys.

You don't know if you can do this.

You pull away from yeosang, taking one final deep breath. These emotions that choke you are unwelcome. You need to get your shit together. You need to act like an adult and take care of the issues you cause. Yeosang pulls his hands back and stands up from the floor.

You take a full second to follow. Just in time, the manager bursts through the door, right behind him is jongho. Jongsiks hands grip your shoulders. "You okay?" He words out, the older man concerned. You adore jongsik like a father. He's your favorite staff member.

You nod, straightening your lips into a thin line. Jongsik scans your face as if decoding your answer like it has a secret meaning. He nods after, pulling you along with him down the hallway.

Your phone is on its last life, 2%. How long were you in there for? 10 pm, the clock flickers. Finally, it shuts off. Completely gone is the comfort of your phone. You sigh. Behind you, yeosang and jongho trail back. It's silent even when you step out of the building.

The night air nips your nose when you wait for jongsik to pull around with the company car. Yeosang stands on your left, awkward, looking anywhere else but at you. Your arms subconsciously wrap around you. You're cold, but you won't admit it. You won't say you're cold, not when the tension is so thick and making you claustrophobic.

The whiff of fresh florals, mahogany, charred sandalwood- you know this smell, it's jongho. You turn to look at him on your right. He shoulders off his black jacket, sticking it out to you without another word. You don't want to take it, don't want to give him another reason to pity you in this moment. But the look in his eyes when he stares so deeply into yours says 'go ahead'. You look down as you take it, unfolding your arms and shuffling it on. It's all the smell of jongho, every last bit of him. Every hint and detail.

You subtly sniff it as you shuffle around. Leaning on the balls of your feet. Jongho doesn't have another jacket on, just a thin brown hoodie. His eyes look ahead at the empty street, and his large palm wraps around his forearm while his other arm swings loosely by his side. He looks as if he didn't just hand over his jacket to you. He looks normal in the chaos that swirls around you. His soft eyelashes flutter, his heart-shaped lips part.

He's so boyfriend coded, you think. The thought makes you turn away. Where did that come from?

No one takes the front seat, you wonder why, when you first got in the car you sat in the middle, you're so used to sitting in the middle so the guys have room to move around, squishing them together seems cruel. You don't even think about scooting over. Yeosang takes your left whilst jongho takes your right. It doesn't even bother you when you when the potholes make you bump into yeosang. Or even when jonghos big shoulders lean into your spot.

All of that lingers under the anxiety pouring out of your pores. You're mentally sweating profusely. What the hell are you going to say? How are you gonna explain you went into heat? It is so embarrassing explaining to the eight guys you love (more than friends, you've always known) that you were locked up in a room having to do the do with yourself for a week. Perhaps you should have your priorities straight instead of wondering about that.

Your face feels like it's heating up from the embarrassment you're gonna feel.

The apartment is a little less cold than the hallway. The door shuts behind yeosang. Signaling to everyone else you've just gotten back. Jongho types away on his phone, no doubt texting someone. He heads straight to where the kitchen is. Your eyes don't follow. Instead, you take off his jacket and hang it up in the closet. Yeosangs hand brushes yours when he does the same from next to you. You don't stop to stare, and neither does he.

The living room is normally spacious, but you feel claustrophobic in the setting you've comfortably gotten used to. You take your seat on the couch, and your head falls into your hands. Your palms rub at your eyes, pushing away the sleep clawing to consume you in its grip.

The night light of the city cascades against the dark apartment. You watch your vision blur the shapes together that dance on the wall across you. Your shadow smack dab in the middle, hunched over to hide into yourself. Yeosang moves about in the darkness, walking towards the kitchen himself. Just out of your view, you hear the chit-chat of the guys. They must all be in the kitchen trying to learn how to start a conversation with you.

You take the lead, pushing yourself to stand up. You take one deep sigh. And walk toward the kitchen yourself. The chitchat dies as you come into view, you learn against the entry, your hip meeting the cold countertop. The majority of the guys are still dressed. They must all have been out looking for you. Your head falls down, shamefully.

"Three weeks." You start, voice small. You clear your throat, shaking your head towards the floor. "I've been like this - an omega for three weeks" Your arms cross over your chest. The silence eats away at you.

"I-" "Why didn't you tell us?" Mingi says, hongjoong stares daggers at his face. Possibly hoping to quiet him. "I. I didn't.." You're tired of lying. You swipe your finger under your eye. "I was told not too," you speak clearer, looking up. All eyes are on you.

"They told me not to tell you guys. They said they were gonna sit us all down and explain it. Keep it under control until they have a statement to the press for my absence and my new sex.." You get more silent as you continue. Confidence deteriorating. "I didn't want to lie, but I.." You stop there, sighing heavily.

"How?" Hongjoong asks, eyes glance to him but the majority of them stay on you. You know exactly what he's asking. "I don't know, really. it started just a couple days before practice, I wasn't feeling well. Seonghwa, yeosang. You two noticed my scent was off and I still didn't think about it until I collapsed." You kick your foot, looking towards the two members you mentioned.

Seonghwa and yeosang look like sirens of the night. Their eyes peirce you. "I still don't know the exact cause of the change. The doctors said a few different things. I won't know 'til I get a call." You honestly say. The silence lingers in the air again.

"When is your-" a hand slaps over mingis mouth, it's jonghos, he holds mingis head to prevent him from moving out of his grasp, mingi struggles. It's funny, yet you dont laugh, only smile the tiniest bit. "When is your heat?" Wooyoung finishes for him, all eyes on him now. Well, more like all shock directed at him now. Mingi stops struggling, both he and jongho stare at wooyoung like he grew a second head.

"Less than two weeks" you bite your cheek, facing the bold question head on. "Actually, i had my first one while i was gone." your head falls back towards the floor. The wood planks are so very interesting. Wow. "I've been taking heat suppressants to bide the pain.. but I don't know. I won't know until I get there."

Silence again.

Seonghwa coughs, turning around. He breaks the silence as he moves bags on the counter. "Most of us had dinner but I saved some food for you" he hands you the solid plate, like its a code word. Each of the guys go to do something else, moving around and doing their own things. Plastic wrap covers the plate, you stare down at it in your hands.

The change of the conversation makes you trip on your thoughts. "You're not mad?" You blurt out, looking up at seonghwa who goes to pass you. He stops, surprised, he turns. "Mad?.." he mumbles, looking away as he thinks. "I'm not mad, why would I be?" He mumbles, eyebrows pulled taunt over his smooth forehead.

You blink back, once, then twice.

Seonghwa bites his plump bottom lip, looking to the living room where hongjoong is sitting with his laptop in his lap. They pass glances to each other. A plan under wraps that no one else knows about except for them. He turns back to you, sucking in a breath. Your eyes hold the universe, sparkling when you look up at him. He catches his hand before it reaches out. Scratching the back of his neck. "They're not mad either." He whispers down to you.

Mere centimeters away, the pure smell of you has seonghwa wrapped. If anyone is mad, he's certainly covering for them just because he doesn't want your pretty eyes to shed any tears. "You promise?" It's completely quiet. Seonghwa looks down at your lips pouting out gently.

"I promise." He glances between your eyes and lips. His hand scraps up against the doorway, leaning into it.

The tension is noticeable between the two of you, hanging high in the air. Your eyes never move, neither does seonghwa. In this moment he has you locked in his siren like stare. In the same instance your big worried eyes hold seonghwa hostage. Neither wants to break apart.

"Have you thought about.. who you have to call when your heat hits?" Seonghwa pulls his pliable lip between his teeth again, trying to drag an answer he didn't know he wanted.

Your lips part, your tongue pokes out to wet them. A shining sheen seonghwa wants to drown himself in. "No... I was just gonna endure.." You whisper, cheeks feeling hot. Seonghwa, scans your eyes. "You did it on your own?" He whispers back heavily, his mouth falls open only the tiniest bit.

"Mhm" you nod. He sucks in a breath, images flash through his mind. "Poor 'mega" he sighs just under his breath, his free hand reaching up to rub his thumb just under your lip, he holds your chin "you didn't have your pack to help you, yeah?" He glances down at your lips. It takes all restraint in seonghwa to not turn down and capture you in the passion he's feeling. Your thighs shifting is what catches his eye.

Your sweet smell is stronger in his proximity. Seonghwa wants to drink it in. He has to keep composure. He reminds himself.

He turns away quickly, leaving you in the kitchen. Plate still in hand. You let out the breath you had been holding, holding the plate tightly.

What was that?

Less than two weeks. Less than two weeks you have a decision to make. Whether or not they'll take up your offer, you don't know. But seonghwas display of affection yesterday captured you in the tide of troublesome emotions.

The sun beams through your window, shedding your dark room with lights. The breeze pushes open your curtains. They swirl in the brisk morning air.

You hold the paper in your hands. The mail you hold is very important, very, very important. You have to fill in the blanks and can't change it until your heat after this upcoming one.

The line that stunts you, is your emergency heat contact. The people or person that you should immediately be directed to, to situate you and take care of you when you won't be able to.

The line is blank, it can be left that way.. but you have many names in mind to fill it. You just hope they'll want to be on it.

Why did I write him like that omg(i know exactly why). Thank you for the continuous support, mwuah.

taglist: @lelaleleb @bratty-tingz @0325tiny @smilefordongil @atinytinaa @unripeapple7 @ja3hwa @stopeatread @sousydive @voicesinmyhead-rc @giiouis @c4tboyxiao @eastleighsblog (if you wish to be added to taglist please comment under the main masterlist ♡ thank you)

[khunyuki]

"I've lived my life with blade and you always in my mind"

ꜱɪᴅᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ: 𝚏. 𝚁𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚃𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜

Synopsis: When younger Hoshina Soshiro realized what exactly puberty does to a boy leading to him having dreams about his fiancee every night, feeling extremely guilty when he sees her the next day.

Pairing/s: Hoshina Soshiro x Fiancee!OC

Note/s: It's been a while! This is kinda short but I hope you like it. Pretty mild I must say

Warning/s: Suggestive Content

Masterlist: TOC, Previous, Next

< It all started with an accidental peek >

When you're training with someone, it's only natural to attack your opponent and defend from any incoming strikes. And when you're sparring with Hoshina Soshiro, you know that he will not go easy on you even if you're his fiancee. Uzui Kagami knows this full well, having been his training partner whenever possible starting from a young age.

With every hit of his wooden sword, she tries to block it with her own as she looks for an opening to strike back.

CLACK CLACK CLACK

Getting pushed back by the intensity and speed of his hits, the wooden sword slipped out of Kagami's grip to the ground. His sword on her neck as she brought her hands up in surrender.

"I lost again. I don't think I could ever beat you Soshiro"

She admitted her defeat with a defeated smile as he brought the wooden sword back to his side. Kagami lay down on the ground in exhaustion, quite unladylike but too tired to care at the moment. Soshiro let out a chuckle as he wiped off his sweat with a towel. There were towels and refreshments prepared for them at the side.

"Well of course, I've been practicing my family's swordsmanship style since I could remember. No way you're beating me at this so quickly"

He showed her his tongue as he passed her a towel. She pouted as she sat up and took it, wiping her own sweat, clutching it in her hands after.

"If we spar using my family's swordsmanship, I am confident I could win though"

"Of course you will. You're already getting better at using Hoshina style swordsmanship, I guarantee you can be my equal in a few year's time"

He said it with so much confidence that it makes her believe that she'd actually be able to do so one day. It was enough to make her speechless and flustered as she hurriedly stood up and went to get some water, fanning her face as she does so.

A mischievous grin appeared on Soshiro's face when he saw a glimpse of her red ears, and how hard she tries to fan her face. He followed closely behind her and when she reached out to take a bottle, his hand suddenly appeared beside her. It was then that she's made aware of the presence that was so close to her. His face drifting next to her own as he took his own drink.

"Why is your face so red?"

He casually asked as if he didn't just pressed his body against her back with his other hand on her shoulder to get a drink. She clutched her bottle and towel to her chest as she watched him gulp down the drink, sweat trickling down his adam's apple. She was mesmerized by his beauty until she snapped out of her thoughts back to reality once she saw him looking at her.

"That... You— Ahh!"

She hurriedly opened her own bottle and made a mess because she was clutching it too tightly. Water splayed all over her face and training garb, even the towel in her hands wasn't spared. This earned her a sudden burst of laughter from the man beside her. Water was supposed to cool you down but it just further heightened her embarrassment.

"You look like a wet chick"

There's absolutely no way that the towel that absorbed most of the water could clean her up so she discarded it aside. She couldn't help but puff her cheeks at the male still laughing, clutching his stomach. It really isn't helping him as he imagined her like that.

"It's not funny!"

She crossed her arms as she turned away from him, clearly choosing to be more upset than embarrassed. Soshiro, thinking he might've went too far, tried to stop laughing though it would still leak out.

"Seriously, why are you so clumsy—"

He said as he passed her his own towel to she reluctantly accepted. She still have a pout on her face as she wiped herself down. She wondered why he suddenly went silent after laughing so hard but that was none of her business at the moment.

Soshiro just drank some water yet why is it that his throat was still so dry? He could feel the heat rising to his face as he remembered what he saw when she took his towel. Their training outfit was by no means thin despite being white so imagine his surprise when he saw a glimpse of baby blue sticking to her outfit.

He couldn't help but take a peek again, this time seeing her pat the area between her collarbones dry. This was the first time in a while he's ever looked at her closely, this time her body particularly. Was that always there? That small bump on her chest? He knew his fiancee was a girl and treated her as such but this is definitely the first time he realized... Ahhh she really is a girl...

"Is there something wrong?"

She asked, covering her chest with his towel naturally. She knew he's looking at her, she doesn't know exactly where he's looking with his eyes always closed. Though she knew it must've been something serious if he's uncharacteristically silent so suddenly.

"I'm going to the toilet"

He said as he ran away, leaving her alone and confused. For the rest of the day, he avoided her the whole time until she went home. His older brother only laughed at him muttering something like youth.

On the night of summer vacation of their first year of middle school, Hoshina Soshiro suffered from the nightly visits of a succubus donning the face of his fiancee.

=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=

< An unknowing touch >

"Why are you avoiding me?"

Kagami caught her fiancee off guard when she suddenly appeared beside him without a sound. He was taking a book of a shelf in the school library when she surprised him by suddenly appearing. The sudden jolt of his body was proof of that.

"I'm not"

Is what he said but avoided looking at her face when he does. This seem to drive her nuts as her mind went into overdrive, thinking of various reasons why he'd avoid her. She keeps thinking that maybe she did something wrong or if he's starting to hate her too.

"You're lying"

She pinned him on the shelf when he tried to escape, the books shaking from the sudden disturbance. Soshiro's heart is beating so fast as she'd never done this before. The sudden kabedon puts their bodies in close proximity that their chests are touching when he tries to escape. Her head looking down so he couldn't see her face, if she looked at him now she'd see his red face.

"Did I- Did I do something wrong? Is that why you're avoiding me? Do you... Do you hate me now?"

She bit her lip in hesitance before asking him. Her voice cracking a bit before ending it all in almost a whisper. He only glimpsed at her face and immediately regretted his actions brought upon him by puberty. Her trembling lips, her furrowed brows, and brimming eyes filled with insecurity, doubt, and evident hurt. He could sense that there was something dark and borderline scary in her gaze but it was instantly gone the moment it appeared.

"I don't hate you, you didn't do anything wrong. It was me"

He grabbed her arm as she prepared to leave, apologizing so fast. He went too far and he admits to himself that he hurt her with his actions. He won't forgive himself if something as stupid as this destroys their relationship.

"I did something wrong to you"

She looks at him urging him to continue but what exactly can he say? There's no way in hell he'd blurt out that he kept on dreaming about them doing stuff, keeping him up every night. He's definitely guilty about it but he felt even more guilt at her almost making her cry.

"I saw something that day"

What does that have to do with anything, Kagami thought. She frowned her brows in confusion as she tried to remember the day he started avoiding her. They were sparring and she lost then she went to get water where he teased her, in embarrassment she spilled water on herself and...

Her eyes opened wide at the realization. She covered her chest as she looked at him with a bright red face for confirmation to which he nodded without looking at her. Let's say it was her avoiding him now instead of the other way around.

<- Previous Next ->

[writinandcrying]

TMNT HEADCANON - Turtle of choice x reader (GN)

Reader’s Birthday

the first slice goes to.. / showing love through cake lol

It’s a tradition in my country to give the first slice to the person you love the most during your birthday, so here a tiny Headcanon for how the turtles would react to it!

Here a demonstration of this wholesome act, TW cute kids

Reader and TOC (turtle of choice) are still on the “crush stage”, doing with the 2003 boys cuz I’ve recently started watching the show! (I only remember bits it cuz I was pretty young when it aired lol, I love how the very beginning shows how they found out a new lair, how they met april, how they barely got any human contact before meeting her, it’s super cool and has some fresh concepts comparing to most canon narratives, if you haven’t watched the 2003 series I highly recommend it)

Anyways, let me know if you would like me to do other versions as well :) hope you guys like it, feedback is welcomed 🫶

English is not my first language so I apologize for any grammar mistakes !!

Mikey

🛹 He’s deadass behaving like this after you tell him the meaning behind giving the first slice (i love this gif lol)

🛹 “AWW !! ANGELCAKES!!” Hugs you so tightly you barely have time to move the tiny slice to the nearest surface you can find, one second later the cake would have gotten smushed between you two

🛹 good luck if you have labyrinthitis, he WILL spin you around a few (at least 5) times to show how appreciative he is of the gesture

🛹 he’s not letting you go for a hot second

🛹 Sees this as an opportunity to finally kiss your cheeks, he has always wanted to but never really had a “reason” to without making things awkward, this is his perfect chance!

🛹will randomly give you kisses through out your stay

🛹 Gets addicted to it, your skin are much softer and smoother than theirs, does a mental note to give more attention to this area from now on

🛹 If you blush to his antics tho? Oh he is DONE for

🛹if you placed a microfone to his chest it would def broadcast the sickest beat

🛹 boom boom boom boom 💥

🛹Actually he will cling to you, will do anything you want or ask for, it’s your princess / prince / royalty day!

🛹 Pls confess to the poor boy lol he’s actually anticipating it now

🛹 Literally vibrating with joy, expect lots of hugs from him

🛹 Your bday will become his favorite “holiday” (yes for him it’s a holiday now )

Donnie

🔬”Cake time! “ Mikey sings out loud as he has been patiently waiting for your arrival to sing happy birthday

🔬you insist that Donnie gets the first slice tho, and he definitely reads into why you are persistent of him instead of younger brother

🔬he of course accepts it, but D keeps it quiet most of the evening, doesn’t want to put you on the spot, but he can swear he saw a faint blush adore your cheeks when you looked towards him

🔬 will ask to speak in private with you, hopefully when the “birthday commotion” dies down a bit, he definitely doesn’t want to deal with Raph’s and Mikey’s “oooooh” and “get it Donnie!” Teasing remarks

🔬He still deals with it tho, cuz I mean, brothers.

🔬 Donnie shows the reason why he pulled you over, a PowerPoint complication of several different birthday traditions around the globe he has read some before setting up the party earlier

🔬 “Isn’t it interesting?? “Totally trying to cover up his main question, did you or did you not give him the first slice? aka just said in front of EVERYONE that HE is your favorite person in the entire world?????

🔬 “one of the most wholesome ones I’ve fond was this one, apparently, I mean, if you wish to, you give the first cake slice to your- erm, to the person it means the world to you…”

🔬 “that one is pretty cute, yeah” you chuckle, looking down as his nervous hands, fidgeting with a random prototype he decided to hold it for moral support while showing of his presentation

🔬”were you.. aware of such tradition? “ Donnie finally looks towards you, searching for any indication of you confirming his suspicions, eyes shining with anticipation

🔬 “I was- I am aware of it Donnie” you smooth your hand on top of his as you caress it tenderly

🔬 literally let’s out the dorkiest giggle you have ever heard in your entire life

🔬 the “school girl / Kicking my feet” kinda giggle

🔬 cover his mouth right after he lets it out. Don is mortified, embarrassed as hell, deadass wants to crawl in a hole and die after he lets it out

🔬 Relaxes a bit after he sees you giggling as well

🔬 asks more about your birthday traditions, past birthdays memories you had to break the ice (that’s his way is being smooth)

🔬 please be noted, He does not let go of your hand, man is making his moves

🔬 but just a heads up; this moment will live rent free in his mind for MONTHS on end, for his sake (and his brothers sake as well) confess as soon as you can

Raph

🧨 says he doesn’t want it right off the bat

🧨 It’s not that he doesn’t want to accept your feelings, he actually has no ideia about this tradition whatsoever, if you have ever told him before, he definitely forgot it

🧨 Plus, I’m a firm believer most Raph’s aren’t really into sweet treats, they doesn’t want to mess with his diet or can’t handle much sugar (gym rat tendencies)

🧨 You try to empathize how special it would be for you if he accept it

🧨 you really don’t wanna say why tho, like, this is already really embarrassing as it is

🧨 just take the cake man, damn

🧨 mikey for the rescue! literally shoves the cake down his throat after Raph guarantees he doesn’t want it

🧨 Things get a bit awkward after that, you really don’t want to showcase that such a small thing had an affect on you

🧨 But there’s a tiny part of you that feels rejected, unconsciously start to shut down

🧨 Raph is extremely perspective of this, much the second youngest, he start to analyses what could have gone wrong, did something happen before you came to celebrate your birthday? Is someone bothering you? Should he teach them a lesson?

🧨 Will antagonize Donnie to check cameras around your area and work place

🧨 But it’s donn who comments about the birthday tradition

🧨 Will literally get so mad when he finds out lol

🧨 Feels SO stupid, Jesus Christ

🧨Will bark at mikey to spill the cake out, that was his slice

🧨”Dude, that was a week ago!

🧨 “I don’t care. Spill. it. out.”

🧨 “Raph, he probably already, uh- processed it out? “

🧨 “you guys are freaking disgusting, do we really have to discuss this at the dinner table?”

🧨 Will randomly show up at your place with a tiny red cake, a bit messy, but still pretty cute

🧨 “my birthday was last week, im pretty sure you were there to witness” you let out a chuckle, trying to ease out the undeniable tension in the air

🧨” this is my cake “

🧨 “ok..?”

🧨” …and I want you to have the first slice “

🧨 Oh.

🧨 OH.

🧨 oh.

Leo

🎏 Unlike his brother, Leo could never forget it

🎏He literally has a folder in his brain just for stuff you tell him

🎏Stores it like the most precious piece of information anyone has ever given him

🎏 It took him a really long time to process his feelings for you, but once he does it, he treasures every single moment he has with you

🎏 you don’t even have to say anything when he sees you holding the plate to his direction, holding a mix of surprise and yet seriousness look on his face

🎏it’s like eveything it’s suddenly in slow motion, The determination behind his eyes makes you concerned a bit

🎏”Thank you, y/n”

🎏He bows to you

🎏 His brothers have no ideia what that was but they are def crackling up a storm

🎏 “what was that????”

🎏 “Tone it down, splinter junior, it’s just a cake”

🎏 what the boys don’t see it’s you being absolutely speechless and looking like a tomato as Leo takes his slice

🎏 you are the one over-analyzing the situation here

🎏What did he meant by that bow? does he remember what you told him ages ago? He wouldnt simply just bow for a slice of cake, would he?

🎏It fuels a fire inside of you and him, both extremely aware of each others lingering touches and thoughtful gestures from now on

🎏This goes on for a while, this whole… mutual pining stage can be tricky, but when reciprocated, it’s so nice to navigate through, and honestly quite addicting

🎏 a confession won’t even be necessary, leo and you get together over thoughtful acts, your first kiss was under the mistletoe on Christmas was an easy feat, yes, it was barely a brush over eachother lips, but still just felt natural, like it was supposed to be

🎏the midnight kiss in new years was a whole other thing, hands gripping on each other, his hand holding the nape of your neck like his life depended on it, you two couldn’t get enough of each other, waiting for so long to actually make a move after the cake incident

🎏 you finally make it official on his birthday, gracing you a smile and a light peck as he gently places the slice right in front of you

[botchbehemoth]

god it's the little moments of compassion in malazan that really get me. it's mappo using his healing vials to save the wickan dogs, it's crone comforting the mhybe, it's that captain comforting the soldier who had to shoot coltaine. it's toc the younger hearing that the t'lan imass might be dispelled and looking at onos t'oolan, this terrifying undead freak who has shown emotion exactly one time, and going: i hope that doesn't happen, because he's my friend.

[linkspooky]

Jujutsu Kaisen, Chapter 204 Thoughts. 

I thought I was not going to have much to say about this week’s chapter, because it is mainly fighting, however, I read a tweet about opening words that got cut out of the English Translation of the chapter. 

“A life they never asked for, but more brothers than they could hope for. 

 A special warmth that is a pillar for his heart there….! Choso and his brothers stand firmly together as one!” 

Which just perfectly summarizes how Choso embodies all of the positives of a sibling relationship. Let’s talk about what Jujutsu Kaisen has to say about siblings underneath the cut. 

1. Big Brother. 

What is unique about Choso is that his entire character revolves around  the role the eldest born / first son / big brother is supposed to play to their family. Which is ironic, because Choso’s family is his mad scientist father, all of the failed creations he got bored of and abandoned, and also the mother who was abused to make him and all of his siblings. 

“A life they never asked for...” is putting it mildly, the life Choso was born into through no choice of his own, is unrelentingly, despair inducing-ly bleak. 

The death painting brother’s response in general to this hopeless situation they were born into, and have relatively no control over is to completely rely on each other. They have no relatoinship to their mother or father, they have only had each other for hundreds of years. 

Which is where much like Choso’s own hybrid nature, they like many cursed spirits  the death paitning brothers horrifying abominations, and yet they regard each other the same way a normal human family would. To the point where Choso’s motivations are incredibly understandable to us the reader because his entire motivation is to try to act as this ideal older brother figure, which could resemble a sibling relationships many humans have or possibly wish for. The way Choso loves his siblings, despite their horrifying origin, is the same way an older brother is expected toc are for his younger brothers, if a bit idealized. 

Choso and his brothers are quite literally aborted fetuses at various stage of fetal developments. They were people never meant to be born into this world. They are not equipped to survive. They were abominations sealed away by Jujutsu Academy, and then two thirds of them were killed by Jujutsu Sorcerers soon after they were born. Nobara and Yuji also kill them without hestiation because they are cursed spirits despite the obvious signs of intelligence they showed, whereas they might have hesitated if they were human curse users. 

Choso’s love for his siblings represents both Choso trying to make the best of the situation he was born into, and an active choice on his part to love his brothers. As stated in the panel above, Choso and his brothers could so easily hate the world for what it did to them, and yet that’s not their objective, they don’t want revenge, purely what they want is to survive. They were never meant to be born, yet they are trying to live in the world, and live for each other. 

Choso, Eso, Kechizu live for the sake of each other, that’s the way they cope and try to make the best of the situation they were born into. However, loving is also an active choice on Choso’s part. There are other siblings born into similiar situations, unhealthy family households who are faced with similiar choices as Choso.

Naoya who has no relationships to his siblings, and at large no relationship to his family treats people as nothing more than dispoable actions, relationships as transactions where he gets something out of them. 

There is another you could draw a comparison between Choso in the Zenin household. Maki and Mai parallel Choso’s relatoinship to his borthers in the fact that twins are considered “cursed” because of the omens associated with them. Maki is also born in a way that makes her an outcast to her clan, having a restriction that makes her unable to see cursed techniques in exhcange for increased strength. Choso and his brothers are the shame of the Kamo family, Maki and Mai are considered shameful by their father Ogi and he blames them as the reason he wasn’t made clan head. Kenjaku similiarly, abandoned the Death Painting Bros because he didn’t consider them interesting 

The way Choso acts as a ig brother, and the way Mai acts as a big sister are markedly different however. Mai and Maki are continually in conflict with one another. While Choso and his brothers do everything together, Mai and Maki are seperate. 

Maki’s intentions may have been to reform the Zenin for Mai’s sake, but she didn’t make that clear to Mai. Mai beleives Maki left her behind, and maybe, Maki did prioritze being strong and defeating the Zenin over her relaitonship with her sister. Maki a staunch individualist would have hated herself if she stayed in that household with Mai forever. 

Maki and Mai are born connected, the same way CHoso and his brothers are all connected to one another, but while their sibling relaitonship is a blessing, something they use to make their situation better Mai internalizes the idea that she is a burden to Maki/. THat she is the reason Maki cannot get stronger. That their connection is holding Maki back. To the point where Mai choosing to die is the thing that finally makes Maki stronger. Maki gets stronger, but only as an indivdual, with her sister permanently lost. 

Maki is stronger now, but she is stronger alone. This is in comparison to Choso who is labeled weak and uninteresting this chapter by his own father. Choso who even considers himself a failure. 

However, Choso always chose his relationship with his brothers over his individual strength. He chose, even to accept and forgive Yuji after learning they were brothers. He is able to find love in his life because he made that choice to love his brothers. Even though two of Choso’s brothers die similiary to Maki and Mai, his situation as a whole is far less tragic. 

And I say it’s a choice because during the same arc where YUji and Co fought the death paintings, there was a clear foiling between Megumi’s relationship with his adoptive sister, and the chosen relationship of the Death Painting brothers. 

Just like how I choose who to help, you choose who to protect me. Megumi and Choso are foils in regars to the fact that they were abndoned by their actual blood fathers, and despite having no family Megumi similiar to Choso chooses to prioritize his adoptive sister who he has no blood relationship’s well being over everything else. 

In all of these cases a good relationship with their sibling isn’t something that happens on his own, it’s a choice made by the characters to try to be good to their siblings. 

[benevolentdinosaur]

when I'm hanging out with people older than me I'm all like "haha I could NOT survive without the internet 🤣 how did you get anywhere without google maps???"

Then when I'm hanging out with people younger than me I'm like "whats a Tic Toc? I don't get it 🤨Back in my day we were hunting and gathering"

[ae-neon]

Coltaine is my new Lorn. I desperately want him to live but I feel like he's gonna die and it's gonna make me very upset

Also I have been pushing through at least a book a day and my emotions are fried. There's so much I want to talk about, but then something happens that changes everything, and then I wanna talk about that but then something even more insane happens

Light Spoilers ahead

I'm about 65% through / Just starting Book 4 : Deadhouse Gates / Chapter 15 and this book is literally a whirlwind ignore the pun

I saw many of the "big twists" coming. Like I sensed the truth about Tavore, I figured out the Kellanved and Dancer stuff in GotM and I knew it would be Felisin instead of Apsalar who emerged in the storm

But Kulp???? And Baudin???? Like hello?? Please bring them back, let's pretend they never crossed paths with that rat D'ivers bitch Gryllen, please.

And where are my boar worshipping Marines?? (Like Toc the Younger I expect to see them again, dammit)

The tortured boy coming back was delightful, rare Ammanas W.

Though, speaking of the Emperor, there's a line from GotM about "embracing children in Empire's dying light" which came to mind when he and Apt spoke about the refugee kids.

The quote, mind you, being cited as THE CALL TO SHADOW??? FROM FELISIN???? And I know it's her because the birth date matches her age so maybe Apsalar does become the new Sha'ik and Felisin becomes a priestess or maybe Felisin becomes the new Sha'ik and the name of the excerpt is more referencing the time and events surrounding Ammanas and Cotillion's path to vengeance

Also also, why does everyone hate Felisin - like putting aside how understandable her anger and attitude are - she's hilarious?? Like hater Felisin is definitely part of the comic relief of that part of the story up until she starts having revelations and faces the death of Kulp and Baudin, which is the point of no return I think though not the end of her transformation

Anyways, I don't think I'll be able to read anything that isn't Malazan and experience a true sense of fantasy or horror ever again. From the insanity of dead cities and headless sailors to the very real and grounded threat of civil unrest and dogs fighting over the corpses of children. All in one go.

I loved GotM for its sense of wonder but straight from the prologue, Deadhouse Gates has asserted itself as Something Else™

[klamv-art]

🔴|| New World ||🔴

Recently I started to redesign a bunch of characters of a story I abandoned some time ago that I want to continue to develop. Here you can see some of the main characters.

Her name is Leah, she's 19 years old and has a younger brother named Charlie who is 16 years old. They are from a dystopic world in which the population lives in military bases secluded from the outside world.

Here's Charlie, Leah's younger brother.

Personality wise they are opposite from each other. Charlie is very bubbly, active, adventurous... while Leah is more cautious, cowardly, she keeps to herself.

And finally here are Henry and Toc. Henry is the one eyed creature and Toc the little one.

The story has more characters but I haven't had time to draw them yet so I'll be updating when I have them.

[chloristoflora]

My god?

Running. Freed. The beast.

The wolf.

Togg.

My namesake...

"He has delivered you, sir, yet would make no demands. We know that your soul has run with the wolf-gods. But you are once more in the mortal realm. The body you now find yourself in was blessed. It is now yours. Still, sir, you must choose. Would you leave your gods?"

Toc studied his own arms, the muscles of this thighs. Long-fingered hands. He reached up, probed his face. A fresh scar, taking the same eye. No matter. He'd grown used to that. A young body - younger than he had been.

He looked down at the woman, then at the ring of soldiers. "No," he said.

The soldiers lowered themselves to one knee, heads bowing. The woman smiled. "Your company welcomes you, Mortal Sword of Togg and Fanderay."

Mortal Sword.

Then, I shall run once more...

Memories of Ice, by Steven Erikson (Malazan Book of the Fallen #3)

[parrotwatcher]

(TOC) Is the MC considered attractive to most people? Or attractive enough they could turn heads even in a noble setting?

Well, at the start, the MC was a rather undernourished orphan, so at that point, not really. At this point in the story, they can look pretty much however you the player want them to, with a few obvious caveats (they can't look exactly like any of the ROs; they are sixteen and can't look too much older or younger; etc.) Also, while not one-to-one, a higher Social stat generally goes hand-in-hand with better looks.

[wcmi-22]

About myself right now

Ok so for starters I don’t want this to sound selfish or anything because that’s the last thing I want. In fact, I hate talking about myself in general because sometimes I feel like I am a burden on people in general and it will only seem like “Hey there’s another self absorbed person in this world (sarcastic yay!).”

What I truly want out of this is for the fans and audience to know who I am and maybe see they aren’t alone in this world. That way they know “Hey there is someone out there like me!” I mean I don’t know if it will happen but, I’m going to try anyways.

Growing up, I never felt good enough about anything. My cousins  were always good at something! Whether it was politics, sports or even getting the best boyfriends in the whole world, they were golden children for my grandmother and it never mattered what I did even though they were backstabbers and I was the decent person.I also didn’t really fit in with any crowd at all and was never good enough to be in one so I didn’t even make any friends. Lastly, I wasn’t even good enough to win any contests or even be in any relationships because I was always last pick cause of my morals as a Christian.

They always thought I was the type of Christian that pushed my beliefs on them or even was a hypocrite when for the life of them they didn’t even know me or decided to know me that well. Cause I don’t! I don’t do that! All I say is I’m a Christian and everyone heads for the hills like I’m a disease. I mean I don’t regret being a Christian but, still I wish people would actually know me before they judge me. I mean I don’t judge other people’s life choices because that’s them and if that’s what they want ok that’s what they want. We all make choices and so like whatever. 

But I digress. Eventually, I got to college where I saw some fanfictions about Alice and the Mad hatter including this one. At first I thought it was strange of course but, I kept looking for more content and loving every bit of it including the fanfiction. I even thought of ideas for them too and wrote them down. Then I find out it was discontinued and was very upset for a while. But, then I had an idea 💡 what if I wrote my own stories about them. So I bought a journal, wrote different stories in it and kept it a secret for a while. 

Then one day, one of my new friends in college asked me about it and I read it to her and she thought it was really good! At that moment, I had never felt prouder in my life! It was the best feeling in the world!!! It felt like I was actually good at something besides my career!! I mean my parents, teacher and little group of friends said I was good at writing when I was younger but, that was a long time ago!! Yet, now it was different! It was like God was saying this is you, Allison! This is who you are! You are both a teacher and a writer! Maybe not a famous writer but a writer none the less! 

Yet, I wanted to take it further and see how good was I. So when I heard of Tumblr, I thought this is the perfect place for me  and I can use my pen name too! Of course, I was afraid because “duh” stranger danger! But, I decided to take the risk anyways! It was scary and at first I barely had anyone. Then one day my friend Tick Toc texted me and started liking my fanfics. Then others started to and I just was over the moon!!! For the first time in my life, I felt actually noticed and loved! Of course I knew my parents loved me and God too but this was different! This was like I understand now! I actually am good enough!!!!

Honestly, with the fanfics I write, some are based on true events (rare) but others are just from my imagination! And as I wrote my Fanfiction, it helped me get through my darkest days!!! Like final exams, family fights, bad days, period problems etc! In a way Fan-fiction has been with me all my life and writing in general really! Plus it really helps when some of my online friends like Tick Toc help me with my ideas too! 

Now, it’s been two and almost three years and I still can’t believe how far we have come! I hope for many more years of fanfic writing and I hope Our fandom will stay alive because we all need a place in this world, why not here in our own Wonderland? Where everyone can be as Zany and strange as they want to be!!

I hope this helped whoever is out there that needs this and I hope you know now you are not alone and that you are incredible! You are amazing for who you are! And you are good enough no matter who tells you otherwise!!!

[talesofstarsandmagic]

Okay, so I guess I should start with a proper explanation for Tides of Change since that will be the book I talk the most about (for now at least).

I would like to say now some parts of this may change in the future. I have only just started draft 2 of TOC and I can almost guarantee that something will change at some point, but that’s just how the writing process goes. Most of this will be sticking around though, it’s just some of the smaller details (probably the tineline lol) I think may change.

So, I guess I should start by setting the scene a little.

The Intergalactic Alliance (IGA) have been the dominant force across the Galaxies for over 800 years. While there are other governments that rule over smaller sections of space, the Alliance is by far the most widespread and powerful, and with that power came corruption. Despite it’s faults, the IGA claims to be the best option compared to the other systems, and most have no reason to question that, even if they also know the Alliance is corrupt.

The Insurgency is the name given to the rebellion groups that were united by Irel Tanik. They are largely viewed as a group of terrorists, but maybe they aren’t the monsters they’re made out to be.

Magic exists in this universe and works around the four states of matter (solids, liquids, gases and plasma). Magic users are called channellers, and not everyone can be a channeller as only some people can channel magic and tech is needed to channel on top of that. I will make a more in depth post on the magic system but this post will be long enough already lol.

Now for a bit on plot and characters.

Aala is the next in line for the Oceran throne. She is the eldest daughter of the current rulers and will be marrying the Priest of the Sun, Veli. She is a talented musician, which is the main way she draws attention to her home world to help grow their tourism industry. She is good at reading people but is not always the best at responding. She is a liquid channeller, and finds water easiest to control, which she will use in her performances.

Aala has a younger sister called Nila. Now Nila has a secret that is only known to a select few, mainly her family. She can’t channel in the traditional sense, but she can see what others can channel, and if they can channel at all. This is incredibly weird, and no one has an answer as to why she has this ability. Unfortunately for Nila and her family, the IGA discover her odd ability and they want her, and when her parents refuse, their planet is doomed (they do have some other reasons for invading as Ocera was uniting planets that had problems with space travel being too expensive to and from their worlds but the Nila thing was the straw that broke the camel’s back).

Aala and Nila are forced to flee their home world when the Alliance invades. This is where the Insurgency and Keryn come in.

Keryn is an Insurgency spy working for the Intergalactic Investigations Bureau (IIB). She knows something odd is happening when she’s given orders that Aala, and especially Nila, are a priority to be found. She contacts Avalis (Irel’s second in command) and he agrees it’s weird, and after a quick discussion with Irel, they decide to get to Aala and Nila first to find out what happened to Ocera.

That’s all the basic stuff! I am so sorry this is a monster of a post lol. I promise they won’t all be this long.

I’m so excited to be sharing this story though! Onto the Horizon means the world to me so I hope other people will like it too.

Feel free to ask questions! I would love to answer, although if it’s spoilers I won’t say anything. I’ll be doing posts mainly on worldbuilding and stuff like that.

But yeah, I hope that all makes sense.