#today i will be kinkshaming my roommates for:

[gayswampqueen]

I would think that common fucking courtesy would be that you paid your rent at your old apartment before putting the first months rent and deposit down at the new place, or at the very least, not mention that you paid for a new place to the people you owe rent to before shrugging at them with empty pockets but hey, what the actual fuck to I know

[emerald-chaos]

Bemine-Bucky’s 400 500?!? Follower/Birthday Weekend Sleepover!

Thank you so incredibly much for being a follower of mine. When I started this blog and began writing again, I never expected to have so many people interested in what I post. Some of you have genuinely become such good friends of mine, I’ve found new writers whom I absolutely adore and look up to, and I’ve found something that feels fun to do again.

For this sleepover I simply couldn’t help myself and I decided to make it Vine themed. Some of these work well together and others I made fit for the sake of the things I wanted to do lmao so don’t come for me too hard! Vine was such a power house back in its day, and while there are some very iconic tik toks, I wanted to pay homage to our fallen hero. I’ve linked each vine to its respective emoji, that way if you haven’t heard of the vine or just want a refresher you can enjoy it!

Anyone can participate! Anons are welcomed as well. All I ask is that you send me either the corresponding emoji or vine that goes with which game/conversation you’d like to participate in! If none of these tickle your fancy, feel free to simply talk about whatever the hell you want or send in some requests and I’ll try to get to what I can 😊 (because it’s my show, not yours).

This sleepover will begin on midnight Central Standard Time of Friday July 9th and carry over until Monday July 12th at 11:59pm Central Standard Time. But more than likely I’ll still continue to answer if people still want to send stuff in

Feel free to send multiple asks - you won’t be a bother at all! I hope you all enjoy my stupid little idea and please know I love you all so incredibly much and am so fuckin grateful for you 💖. Under the read more are the things we can chat about!

⛓Don’t kinkshame me. Kinkshaming is my kink. - Interested to know what I think about a kink? Send it in and I’ll rate it using this scale! (I won’t actually kimkshame you, no worries!)

go away | no | rather not | I dunno | I guess | sure | yes | FUCK yes | oh god you don’t even know | right here, right now

⚠️Road work ahead? Uh, yeah. I sure hope it does. - Curious about what I have cooked up in my wips? Now is your time to ask! I will post a blurb, quote, portion, or working title of something I’ve got cooking up!

🐓Look at all those chickens! - Ask me for a picture of my dog, or better yet, share a picture of your pet with me!

🛹So no head? - FMK (anything goes…I know I will regret saying that)

👬And they were roommates! Oh my god they were roommates. - Pick an AU and a character to go along with it and I’ll write you a drabble! Now is your time to send in any request you’ve been itching to see. (I will try my hand at basically any AU/trope and I write for most C Evans & Seb Stan characters, but I’d be willing to branch out to other marvel characters!)

Here are a few prompt lists if you need help

📖I’m Jared I’m 19 and I never fuckin learned how to read - Send me a fic you want me to read! It can be yours or just one you’re a fan of. You could also ask me for a fic rec and I’ll send you one from my list!

🎭When there’s too much drama at school all you gotta do is walk awayeyayye - Having problems you wanna talk about? Lay it on me and I’ll be here to listen or I can give you some advice if you want it❤️

💞I love you bitch. I ain’t gon never stop loving you, bitch. - Need some positivity today? Let me HYPE YOU UP.

🚔This is the comedy police, the jokes too funny! - Send a meme or request a meme! I will also share jokes, videos, tik toks, or suggestions of things I like/find funny!

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨I really do love working here, it’s just, we all have a lot of laughs. - Since we get along so well, ask me to cast my mutuals! Anything goes - characters, shows, vines, tik toks, foods, and more. You can also use this one for would you rather, ships, and other fun games!

💁🏻‍♂️What the fuck is up Kyle? - What did you say dude?? Tell me about yourself and I’ll ship you with a character. Or if you want, tell me who you ship me with!

⛪️I want a church girl who go to church, and read her bible - Interested in a curated playlist? Give me an idea and i'll try to come up with a mini playlist for you! Whether it’s a character or tell me about yourself and I’ll try to come up with something maybe you would like.

Tagging some mutuals who may be interested 🥰

@sunshinebuckybarnes @thanksforallthesushi @wastingmylifeonbritishtv @coffeebucko @babycap @blackberrybucky @belladonnabarnes @clints-lucky-arrow @electricbarnes @mischievous-barnes @buckybarneschokeme @buckys-blue-eyes @vanillanaps @lokiscollar @babyboibucky @fvryroads @xxindiglow @suchababie @divine-mistake @theyoutubedork @ritesofreverie @sableseb @buckycuddlebuddy @bibbidibobbidibucky @darlingsteve @lookiamtrying @sweeterthanthis @msmarvelwrites @navybrat817 @animehearteyes

[thecolordemon]

The demon bros as vines:

Lucifer:

"Okay you know what? You're in time out! Get on top of the fridge! Get up there!"

"You wouldn't like me before my coffee."

Satan: 🤨

"Kinkshaming is my kink!"

"IIIIIIII'M GONNA KILL MYSELF! I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF AND IT IS YOUR FAULT!"

Mammon:

"This house iS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!"

*tries to stop a loose parasol with another parasol during a hurricane*

"You play it, you get a hundred million dollars. But a hundred million people will die" Mammon: *plays the harmonica like there is no tomorrow*

"Give me your fucking money!!" *throws Levi*

Leviathan:

"---Adam!"😳🥺

"I don't need friends, they disappoint me."

"Don't fuck with me! I have the power of god and anime on my side! AHHHHHHH!"

"Dear diary, today I couldn't find my diary so I'm writing this on both of my 'Kung-Fu-Panda 2' dvds."

"Netflix and pop-tarts! Netflix and pop-tarts!"

Satan:

"What thE FUCK IS UP, KYLE?!"

"Look at all those chickens."

"Oh this is NOT correct! Because according to the encyclopeagahehegajsjka-"

"You'RE NOT MY DAD!"

Asmodeus:

"Oh my god they were roommates."

"Fuck off Janet! I'm not going to your fucking baby shower!"

"Yall ugly!" *poof*

"Stop kinkshaming me-" 🥺

"I'm a fucking delight to be around, okay?!"

Beelzebub:

"AH! Stop, I could have dropped my croissant!"

"Can I have a waffle? Can I please have a waffle?"

"Hi-my name is Derek-welcome to pizza hut--let me guess--pizza-" *faints*

"Detective this is a crime scene-" *Beel gets ice cream out of the freezer* "What is this the murder weapon?! Get off my dick!"

Belphegor:

"Can I sleep?" "No." "Can I sleep?" "No!" "Can I please sleep?!"

"Honey, you've got a big storm coming."

"This bitch is empty! Yeet!"

"Let me see what you have!" "A knife!" "NO!"

Bonus:

Lucifer and Diavolo:

"Two bros chilling in a hot tub- five feet apart cause they're not gay"

It was Barbatos. He filmed it. And they're gay for each other.

[heyktula]

Fic Breakdown for Closer, Chapter One (aka, the DVD Extras)

So, chapter one of Closer, the first installment in Somewhere in Canada (the Terror kink AU)... went up today! And let me tell you what, I am hype because this is my very first longfic in the Terror fandom, and it's centered around a subject very near and dear to my heart—BDSM. It's a love letter to power exchange, the sheer joy of kink, conventions, and sex education.

Like other fic breakdowns I've done, this'll be in three parts—technical notes (like POV and stylistic choices), story notes (like characterization and kink info), and then, instead of the editing section I usually include, I'm going to talk about specific lines at the end.

I blame Edward for the line notes, tbh. I love him, but he's a himbo, and many things went unobserved in the course of this story.

(Okay, fine, it's not entirely his fault. Some of it is that he's just so steeped in kink that he doesn't think twice about a bunch of the stuff going on.)

Technical Considerations

Inspiration: So this fic is a love letter to kink, and kink education, and conventions, which in my experience can be life-changing opportunities to meet people with similar interests, and also to be able to do some exploration of your own and figure out what makes you tick. I'm pretty sure there's an AU version of me that makes their living off kink education and the convention circuit, but (un)fortunately, in this particular universe, I am a fic writer (and, occasionally, a paid one as well).

Closer is also a love letter to rough physical play. I remember sitting in my very first workshop on the topic, and just being wide-eyed that a) this is a thing, b) it looks fun. (It is, actually, fun.) There's a ton of reasons I love it—and hopefully, after Closer concludes, you'll be able to see some of the reasons why—but I also love that physical play doesn't have any financial barriers to entry. (The irony of Edward "rich boy" Little being heavily into it has not escaped me.)

Timeline:  Hilariously, I actually started this verse for a Fitzier fic—it takes place six months from Closer, at the winter version of the conference—but while I was working my way through the Fitzier setup, I was like 'fuck it, I should write a quick one-off joplittle to establish the verse', and lo and behold, my "quick one-off" turned out to be sixty k, and it runs parallel to a Tozer/Irving that I  have yet to write, but which is visible in Closer if you squint. So, uh, oops.

So this story fits into a very specific space in the timeline—that is, it's prior to Fitzjames and Crozier having met, but it's after the (second) Cracroft/Crozier breakup. (If you were wondering if that's why Francis isn't running his own damn booth, yes, that's why. He's very likely depression drinking in London at this very moment.)

Setting: I wanted to stay true to the spirit of the whole, you know, boatload of white men going to Canada and being confused, but I wanted them to go for better reasons. It's so rare that we get shows set in Canada, you know? And I feel very passionately about our winters here, in that I complain about them while they're happening, but I do also kind of enjoy the challenge, in a really fucked-up sort of a way. So I set the fic in Canada too, and then, because I was explicitly setting it here, I also got to lean into a bunch of Canadian stereotypes (like Goodsir living his best life in plaid and denim and the inevitable Tim Horton's jokes) and I actually had a lot of fun doing it, so I guess that was something I learned about myself.

Story Considerations:

Primary Kinks: So most people involved in BDSM have a "thing"—you know, the thing that they care about more than they care about any other things. And one of the most fun things for me about creating an AU like this is going through the characters and figuring out what everybody's niche is. Like, it makes sense to me that Hickey would be that edgeplay asshole that's in the kink scene specifically so he can fuck with people. Tozer having a military fetish (and also being a bit of a kink snob) totally fits with his whole "now what the bloody hell do people think that means?" speech.

If you've ever been to a fetish convention, you've seen guys like Blanky, who have been in the scene forever, and made their name handcrafting BDSM gear. They're easy to talk to, and will totally tell you about that time they ran an entire scene using only items found in their kitchen. You've seen women like Sophia Cracroft, who have a cluster of people surrounding her at all times, and who is never short of someone who will bring her tea if it looks like she's thirsty. And you've also seen guys like Ross, who are reasonably famous in their areas of expertise—the kind of guy that you see across the hall, and you're like "shit, is that James Clark Ross?" (And it is! Holy shit!)

Canadian Kink: So! I live in the prairies, and it's as conservative as hell out here. That means there's some specifics to kink culture that I'm not sure translate to other parts of Canada—and they definitely don't translate back to England. For example, every public event I've ever been to (by which I mean every event that wasn't being held in someone's house) has mandated that penetration cannot occur during the event. No toys in orifices, no bits in other bits, no mucous membranes touching, no oral, no fingering, no handjobs, no intercourse, all that kind of stuff. I'm not convinced that you couldn't have sex in a dungeon in, say, Vancouver, or Toronto, or any of the other bigger centers—but that hasn't been my experience in the prairies, and I kept those restrictions for plot purposes in Closer. (Sorry, Jopson. I promise I still love you.)

Canadian weapons laws being what they are also means that some of the gear that's totally okay in other places (like butterfly knives) is totally illegal in Canada (sorry, Tozer. No apologies for you, Hickey.). The sap gloves that Edward is mourning are, unfortunately, one of the items that get lost in the shuffle. Sap gloves are pretty neat—they're leather gloves which are weighted with lead on the knuckles/backs of the hands. They make your punches harder, but they also protect your hands—and, for somebody like Edward, who does a lot of punching when he plays, that protection is definitely beneficial. Plus, they're a bit of a signalling thing—having a set of sap gloves hanging off your belt makes it very clear what kind of things you're into, and I think Edward is a bit bereft not having that this weekend, because he's not used to having to make those introductions cold.

Edgeplay: There's sort of a, er. Spectrum of what is and isn't considered to be "acceptable" kink, even within the kink community. Some kinds of kink are seen as more publicly acceptable, and some kinds are relegated back to the fringes and the dark corners. In the context of Closer, that means Tozer, Hickey, and Little are our resident edgeplayers. This isn't a judgement on the type of play they do (well, it is a judgement on Hickey, but we don't have time to go into *gestures* all that), but it is a statement about the way that type of play is perceived. Sophia Cracroft can, with very little finessing, put photographs of her in rope suspension onto her various social media accounts, and as long as she's clothed, it's perfectly acceptable content to just have out there, and people are going to call it artistic and Instagram-worthy. Tozer, on the other hand, ain't getting any recordings of interrogation scenes he's run posted anywhere except to Pornhub.  (The less we say about Hickey's knife-play, the better.)

Similarly, because the rough physical play that Edward does looks fairly intense from the outside (and is pretty intense from the inside), he gets to live in the not-that-publicly-acceptable area of kink. The area of kink where they usually put the crash mats at the far end of the dungeon, because that way, if you don't want to watch two people whaling on each other with their fists, you don't need to see it. This "stigma" is important in Edward's conception of himself, because on one hand, we see in his conversation with Goodsir that Edward absolutely knows his shit and, hero-worship of Crozier aside, has the knowledge base to be a fantastic educator in his own right—but we also see the subtle kinkshaming coming from both Hickey and Tozer about where Edward's place is in all this. That is to say—Edward's place is with them, in the dark shadowy spots, and not in the "socially acceptable" circles that Crozier's circle of people (Jopson included) are perceived to be running in. (There's a sense, coming from Tozer, that there's no point in Edward pursuing getting onto the org committee for the conference itself, because they won't want someone like Edward there—but, again, that's some pretty insidious kinkshaming coming from Tozer, and we could all just let that go and be better for it. Goodsir clearly doesn't feel like Edward's presence would be a detriment.)

So, yeah. I'll excuse Tozer's kinkshaming bullshit temporarily, as he needs to sort himself out. I don't think he's trying to drag Edward down so much as he just thinks Edward's being a bit delusional, and wants to save him the disappointment when Jopson invariably rejects him for being way too kinky and intense. (If Edward is moping around all weekend, he'll be in the hotel room, and how's Tozer supposed to get his dick sucked by random hookups then? "Yeah, come on back to mine, don't mind my roommate, he's a moody bastard and won't participate even if we ask." Not winning any prizes there, lads.)

I won't excuse Hickey's kinkshaming; he's definitely trying to make Edward feel like shit on purpose. I could speculate as to the reasons, but they're probably gross. (I mean, I know the reasons. Hickey's gonna Hickey.)

(There's a whole entire essay I could write about incorrect assumptions that literally everyone is making about the type of play Thomas Jopson must be into, based on his nice hair and nice eyes and nice smile, but I'll just let Jopson handle those corrections on his own, as he's very capable of doing so.)

Concerning the Chapter Title: If you were gonna take a risk, Neddo, the social was the time to do it—and you done fucked that up, sweetheart.

Tomorrow is another day. Give it another shot then, yeah?

Line Notes:

Edward looks across the hall again, cringes. “No, fuck, that’s—no, I think that’s Sophia Cracroft, Sol, I’m not—Christ. Sophia Cracroft, Jesus.”

I will never not find this introduction to Edward Little fucking hilarious, because he comes off as so competent from Jopson's POV when he's arguing with Hickey in the parking lot, and yet the moment we see Edward in his own POV, he's just a mess. I love him very much, but he's a mess. This was one of the deciding factors in the dual POV as well—I knew going in that the brunt of the story was going to be from Edward's POV, but weaving in those occasional Jopson bits lets us see how Edward looks from the other side.

(Also, Tozer three hundred percent knows exactly who Sophia Cracroft is, because he demonstrates that, like, two sentences later, meaning that he’s literally just winding Edward up here, and it goes right over Edward’s head. God.)

It’s the older guy across the hall that’s laughing his ass off, but the cutie is standing right next to him, looking down at his phone, his ears charmingly pink.��

As a reminder, Edward is wearing a white tank, and just stretched his arms out behind his back. The nipple piercings are very obvious, Jopson was three hundred percent staring, and Blanky definitely caught him and is laughing his ass off about it.

“…I know what this is about,” Tozer says, tying an orange bandana around his left bicep.

The orange bandana is a hanky code thing—which, yes, it's dated, and it's not really in use anymore, but Tozer seems like the kind of guy that would tattoo his kinks on his forehead just so everybody could see them if they would all fit. Failing to find any way to gracefully do that, we instead have the orange hanky ("anything goes") on the left arm ("top").

(Older guy, thankfully, is wearing a ring on the fourth finger of his left hand. Cutie isn’t. So there’s no obvious problems there.)

Jopson not wearing a ring indicates literally nothing about whether or not he's available, but I guess whatever makes Edward feel better about himself is fine. He's right with his assumption about Jopson, in this case, but it's literally nothing more than a wild guess, and the mental hoops he's jumping through only exist to make him feel better about himself.

(Esther usually attends these events with Blanky—but somebody needed to hold down the fort in London this time, and so she's in London at present. It's for the best, she can check on Francis every so often.)

[Hickey] sticks his hand in the pocket of his latex cargo shorts...

I won't take criticism on this fashion statement, constructive or otherwise.



So, that's it for this week! Chapter two, Aware, goes up next Friday! See you then! And if you have questions or anything in the meantime, you can always drop me an ask on tumblr or Curious Cat!

[disasterbisexual-moved]

writing prompts i came up with when i was 15

so today I was bored enough to go looking through old shit on my phone and long story short, I found a treasure trove of creativity from my youth. please enjoy a look into my brain from three years ago through these ‘imagine your otp’ prompts which weretotally not at all revised to save my ass from secondhand embarrassment 

“I found you on the floor in the morning of the locked restroom of the restaurant I work at eating Doritos and fending off a spider with febreeze how long have you even been here” off to a strong start

“your stupid grass Pokemon beat the shit out of my water type Pokemon and I bet you didn’t think I was serious but I tracked you down at the cosplay con and found you glued to the ceiling. also how do you look exactly like the character from the game Jesus Christ” I’m kinkshaming younger me for having a crush on ash ketchum 

“I accidentally used hot sauce instead of toothpaste bc my sibling pranked me and I kind of ruined your family barbecue by bulldozing your backyard in search of water” who the fuck would go to their neighbor’s house before oh, I don’t know, trying the kitchen in their own home??

“we live in the same apartment building and when I went downstairs your shipment of stupid playboy magazines covered the entire floor and now I’m going to make you pay oh shit you’re hot shit and you look like you’ve been up since three in the morning and aren’t happy shit shit shit shit shit” where.... was i going with this

“I was minding my own business and jogging around the block when you started chasing me with a lawNMOWER and now I’m running for my life and you’re stuck on it and crying as we disrupt traffic” ah, truly a classic.

“you walked in on me lip synching to Paramore and wearing pigtails when you were passing out fliers for your friends’ special event because my idiot roommate left the FUCKING DOOR OPEN” could you tell I was going through a p!atd phase

“we showed up to comic con wearing the exact same outfit and started ripping off pieces of each other’s to find the difference and I finally got the shirt oh shit you’re a girl” ??????

“we both got arrested (me for unknowingly taking my cousin’s bag with weed in it and speeding) and you won’t tell me what you did, but the cop didn’t have more than one set of handcuffs and now I’m stuck with you and I look like a raccoon oh god. (bonus: you’re wearing a sparkly leotard and tights)” ‘nuff said. 

“my tongue got stuck to the side of your house/apartment as I was heading to work and you kept trying out urban legendary methods to unstick me, please have mercy” I don’t think that’s how this works. 

“I bought the last pastry we both like from Starbucks and you, a stranger, walked up to me and started eating it right as I put it in my mouth, kinky little shit that you are” hi yeah um what? 

“we were childhood friends and I didn’t know you were coming over this early so you found me shut away in my room wearing Captain America undies aggressively mock-twerking to dubstep” best one yet tbfh

and finally, one of my personal favorites: 

“you’re the only guy in our ballet class and I can’t stop laughing but then you pick me up and throw me in the air, long story short I’m in the hospital and it’s yOUR FAULT”

this has been a wild ride from start to finish

[gayswampqueen]

And on top of all the countrywide bullshit, on the home front I'm literally done with everything too!!!! FUCK I HATE MY ROOMMATES. Putting under a readmore because this will be painfully long

Our roommate spent the first three months that I knew her talking about how much a literal piece of shit actual abuser her husband was, how he has no respect for any of her boundaries and seems totally intent of keeping them in a bad situation so she can never leave him. 3 months of that shit while we worked on getting a new place.

OBVIOUSLY Tony and I don't want to become close to this guy because he treats his wife like shit (and we've witnessed it at least a couple times) and she claims she wants to become independent of him and get a job and learn to drive and whatever. She also says he controls all the money and she has no access to it, and he's not been saving anything the last few months. She's worried about getting stuck at this shitty apartment for another year (its not serviceable for literally any internet or tv services, it's p dumpy but Tony and I needed a place fast so it worked for what we needed) and the conversation comes up that instead of Tony and me paying rent, we can just save the money up for a new place for all 3 of us.

I’m not stupid. I know she's deliberately setting things up in a way where all the responsibility to save and earn the money falls on me and Tony, but if things work out she can take credit and hold it over us. But I agree because I don't want to get stuck at his place paying $500 a month and living off cell phone data for an indeterminate amount of time. I also notice that she talks shit on her husband all day to us, and when we say "wow that's pretty awful" she reports back to him that we can't stand him. Then proudly tells us about it. She's literally manufacturing fucking tension in the household, although due to her proud openness about it I can't be certain she's doing it on purpose or if she thinks she's facilitating some kind of communication?

When we move she doesn't want to leave her husband homeless, but both of them are saying he has plans to move out ASAP because "their relationship is better when they live apart." The second we put his name on the lease (bc Im not risking eviction by having him live here illegally) she becomes a lot less intent on the idea, and while she still talks about it its turning more into a hypothetical than a real plan or goal. Just like her learning to drive. Or getting a job. Or cutting toxic people out of her life. And of course she starts getting pissy and taking credit for being able to afford the place when Tony and I talk about it.

So it becomes really apparent she doesn't really follow through on anything she says AND she has a tendency to set up manipulative, no-lose situations for herself. She also can't work because she cant sit for long periods (except for when playing video games, binge watching tv shows, and her previous jobs where she sat for long periods) and she has a totally real disorder where she could pass out at any time which makes any job where she has to stand or walk around a safety hazard (no name for it that she can give, and no examples of it happening since I've known her even when she walks around a fair for 12 hours in high heels, but totally a disorder.) She blames it on spoon theory and postpartum depression, which we accept for about the first four months that she talks about it. She can't go to the doctor because money is tight but every time her husband has a toothache they go and get him medicine.

She spends four months talking about how she's suicidally depressed and doesn't have the energy to do ANYTHING (except for go to ren fairs, visit her family, go shopping, visit friends, host a thanksgiving party, and go out for drinks or hookah literally any time someone offers to pay for her) and has yet to see any kind of doctor, despite qualifying for emergency medicaid due to her and her Husband's lack of income. Oh, have I mentioned that her Husband can't hold down a job on top of everything else? But even though she hasn't worked for almost a year she still expects him to cook for her, clean for her, support the two of them and drive her around everywhere because she never learned because SPOON THEORY even though, AGAIN, SHE QUALIFIES FOR EMERGENCY MEDICAID.

So they start to notice that we're not exactly thrilled with the fact that even though 50% of the time neither of them are working, they cant do basic shit like clean up their dishes. They keep scrabbling to hide behind spoon theory (even though he doesn’t suffer from depression??) and we then offer a workaround in the from of a 2 day rule for messes which they then immediately start abusing. Then they just start leaving all the time - they're visiting x family member or y family member or x friends. They talk nonchalantly about claiming her sister's 4 kids on their taxes and splitting it with her. Why can't the sister claim them herself? Why because she does't work, of course, so she can't claim them! And "if her boyfriend (who financially supports both her and the children, mind you) claims them, he keeps all the money to himself!"

I think this is outrageous because I'm 99.99% sure that's literally illegal, but I'm hoping if I allow them to get their 7k without reporting them maybe they'll actually be able to pay their fucking rent.

Once it is confirmed that the sister is A-OK with the tax fraud, suddenly they start talking about how, because finding jobs has been soooooo hard (they have not been trying and have not been home) that they just want to wait until they get the tax return back and get their own place. They need to be around "people who make them feel like famiy" ie "enablers who want a free babysitter." And they also want to go on a tour of America vacation. Because obviously.

As they talk about this plan, I patiently wait for the part where they offer to pay us x amount of money to break the lease. They never bring it up.  As the plans are still in a very fetal stage, and she's shown no initiative to follow through on 90% of her plans since I've known her, I don't press it

They're never available and keep leaving messes before leaving for weeks at a time. Then when visiting family in Oklahoma we find out a) the never paid the electrical bill they said they did and b) suddenly by the grace of god, a job opportunity opened up somewhere else! several states away! Before their tax return shows up! When they claimed to not be looking anymore!

Obviously this look pretty bad on their part, and I finally call her out on the fact that they have been loudly making plans to try and move out early without even trying to address the elephant in the room of breaking the lease with us. She says that OF COURSE they never intended to leave us in a bad situation. And also OF COURSE they want to move out, seeing as how all Tony and I talked about the first few months was how much we wanted her husband to move out.

At this point I back the hell out of this conversation because I'm about to throw my fucking phone at the wall and throw all their shit out the window of the apartment complex. She sat there and tried to gaslight my ass??? Like no, actually YOU wouldn't shut up about what an actual piece of shit dirtbag he was, and all we did was say "we will help you leave his ass because he sounds awful." And then, when we were almost a full month into our new lease after you swore up and down he would move out ASAP, we started asking what the timeline was. 

HOW FUCKING DARE she act like him moving out was our idea that we were pressuring onto her, his poor faithful wife!!!! Just like when she spent 3 months talking about "thank you guys so much for saving up the money for the move, he would have spent it all on bullshit!" to suddenly switch to "um, that's not YOUR money you dropped on this move, it's EVERYONE'S money because we really could have used it but we LET you save it up instead" the second the lease was fucking signed!!!

JFC At this point i'm like fuck it take your damn tax return and move out we don't need your money for rent bc OBVIOUSLY you aren't paying it for February since Husband JUST got a job offer yesterday (interesting how every time he's actually TRIED to get one he's found one within a few days) and doesn't start till next week.

[gayswampqueen]

So yeah, Wife Roommate is back. No explanation as to why or how long. But I think I can somewhat glean it from the info I have

Looks like Husband is gone on his two week thing so she's more than likely here for at least that long, which means she's given up on finding or keeping employment in the town they're moving to. It looks like it took them exactly .01 seconds to fall back into their "eh, only one of us really needs to be working because work is like, really hard sometimes" mindset

they told us this (probably bullshit) story about Wife collapsing and them going to the doctor and finding her sugar was really high or whatever. Then apparently when she called into work and told the Sam's Club dude that he cleared her off the schedule and requested she bring in a doctor's note. Which both Husband and Wife are acting like is totally unreasonable.

They're treating it like some petty retribution for calling in??? Like maybe if you just said you had whooping cough or someting but you literally told your supervisor that you collapsed suddenly? Like bro if one of my workers that I just hired who works around dangerous equipment called me and told me they collapsed, I don't want them near the heavy equipment until a doctor says its okay??? That's just like, basic worker safety. It's not that hard of a concept to grasp? Not to mention, they *claim* they went to the ER, so Idk why they couldn't just present that as a doctor's note.

Jk i do know why it's because they probably didn't actually go to the doctor. Wife was staying with a kid that has type 1 diabetes. So they probably just tested her with the kid's testing kit and were like "that's high sugar!" And they weren't expecting the employer to want confirmation that she was safe to work again because man, thinking two seconds ahead is so hard. Not to mention the ER would have probably recommended seeing a physician or prescribed something or idk, it seems so improbable to go into an ER with "I collapsed on the ground" levels of blood sugar and not have anyone refer you to anywhere or prescribe you anything?

So apparently now they're just done with that job even though getting the ER note like... should resolve the issue? Because lord knows she needs another job on her resume that says "walked out within the first month because they had mildly inconvenient expectations of me" like girl you already walked out on two seperate jobs on the first fucking day for dumbass reasons!! because you're spoiled and you don't really want to work anywhere because work is hard sometimes!!

I mean, the fact that even when she first went out to stay there her shitty "friend" was talking about her paying rent to live in his cluttered unfinished basement is probably a factor too. Because even though she was watching his kids and cleaning his house for free, that doesn't matter because he's a fucking gross misogynist who doesn't value "women's work" as worthy of compensation. Which I gotta say, feels good for me after she continually made these passive aggressive mentions of "needing to be where she was treated like family"

like lmaooo we waived february rent bc we knew you couldn't afford to pay it but because we expect basic courtesy and cleanliness you wanted to act like WE were the bad roommates. This dude was trying to charge her what they currently pay here for a giant room with a walk-in closet to watch his kids and sleep in his basement. Trying to charge her to watch his fucking kids! What a dickhead.

But she still probably thinks we're worse because we're not challenging in a validating way. We're not a project. We're an example of what her life could be like if she had a better partner and applied herself more and tbh I think she hates us a little for that. I think she's very resentful to be around people that are better off than her because that's not her usual crowd, to say the least. Being needed is much more important that being stable for her.

Which, whatever, but we want to be stable so that makes us very incompatible as roommates. But yeah, from the looks of things they've just given up on finding her employment because like... getting jobs is hard and they have tax fraud money on the way

[gayswampqueen]

I could so see her starting a “become independent of my abusive husband and go to college” youcaring and spending the money on going to ren fairs because she’s literally done shit like that before. To us! When she was away in October working she was like “this is gonna be money I’m gonna save to pay my portion of the rent once Husband moves out” and then she came home with like a new corset like “Oh teehee I paid for all the gas for a group of people to go to a fair 100 miles away, and covered their entry fee, and look, I only spent $150 at the fair itself! I’m being so thrifty.” and we were like “you borrowed $300 from your Husband’s 19 year old girlfriend’s student loans to pay for your u-haul, you fucking actual piece of shit.”

[gayswampqueen]

God forbid this girl ever learn about youcaring because oh man would she scam so hard. She literally played the battered woman role just long enough for Fiance and I to put her and her husband on our lease because “If he ended up homeless because of her he could use that as a way to worm back into her life” and suddenly all mention of him being abusive or him moving out dissolved immediately

[gayswampqueen]

like I know you see a ton of people like, shit on impoverished people for having small niceties like a smartphone or a nice bag so I want to clarify here that I live with her

this girl has been liveing in what is essentially poverty for 5 years but she will literally blow $100-$400 on a single weekend the second she has it available

She’s also one of those “My money is MY money but my husband’s money is OUR money” people too she’s like... really so transparently awful about money

[gayswampqueen]

whelp looks like that little “being employed and being a responsible adult human being” phase wife roommate was going through lasted one whole month

and she clearly came home, got gussied up, and went out so it seems safe to assume she just blew what little money she made on a night on the town.

[gayswampqueen]

So maybe im just a vindictive little shit but our roommates went on and on about the $7K they were gonna get w/ their tax fraud after splitting it with the girl whose kids they were claiming. But they forgot that the last time they pulled this they were actually regularly working. But this year they used the taxes to pay their rent ahead and proceeded to not do shit for anyone for like 8 months bc they don't understand that yeah its easy to GET ahead with your tax return but to STAY ahead you need to keep fuckin working These fuckers worked so little in 2016 that even claiming 4 fuckin kids they only got $6k back and they still have to split it with her lmao. And I love it so much. Just to know they're not gonna get to go on their stupid USA vacation and that they already committed to giving us 1.3k before realizing they'd only have 3k makes my skin clearer.

[gayswampqueen]

like just that they expect us to casually shrug off the fact at they totally neglected their finances to the point that they essentially lied to us because they cba to check their fucking bank account every once in a while is like... no???? those of us that aren't pseudo-liberal hippy assclowns that want to have a secure and safe home, especially in these scary republican times, don't appreciate the "oops, my bad" approach to paying (or not paying) bills!!!!

[gayswampqueen]

What I think happened is that Husband blew a bunch of money, realized they didn't have enough to both pay the bill and go visit her family for the holidays, and bald-faced faked the call in front of her to make it seem like the bills were taken care of, so it'd look like he didn't blow all the money and they had plenty for the roadtrip. Which is why he didn't call in to get an old payment re-applied, he called for the balance to see what he needed to come up with.

[gayswampqueen]

in honor of my roommates' legitimate belief that they, straight poly nerds who are into BDSM, are the MOST OPPRESSED GROUP OF PEOPLE IN AMERICA, my new tag for them is going to be:

"Today I will be kinkshaming my roommates for:"

and then separate tags for whatever bullshit they're doing this week

if you wanna block further roommate posts that's the one to blacklist, friends

This is gonna be a long ass 10 months