#told myself id compose my thoughts but like

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

letting out a slow breath bc ur girl has finished both myths within like the span of a week, and we all know this post was inevitable. bc is she going to overanalyze? yes. is she going to overthink every little line on the basis of picking apart a character's mind? yes!

(bear with me and my xavier thoughts for a sec guys ✋)

i'll be less lore-heavy and more introspection-heavy, but as lighthearted as lumiere's myth story seems on the surface, i can't be the only one who got all sad about it, right? 😭 xavier girlies you get me, right? 😭 it's not light light, right? 😭

like i knew from the start that xavier's complicated feelings about lumiere were going to be rooted deeply, but this? 😭 the way you can tell it goes WAY back? 😭

because. it does. it goes all the fucking way back.

because what do we know about xavier? his subtleties. in general, he has that calm, reserved, collected trope... it's more on the easygoing safe, like a safe presence, almost aloof in nature. but it's almost as if so much more hides underneath that; like it's not totally 100% inherently him, like it's not entirely natural, like the part of him that's like this is maybe somewhat a façade that he's been putting up for so long, so it's just ended up... becoming part of him, by force of habit.

like let's look at the other end of that calm, collected trope: zayne. why do we feel like it's naturally part of his personality to be that way? he's calm, he's collected, maybe a little cold—but he's confident. it's as if it's been established somehow that, yes, he is like this, and he knows that he is. he doesn't hold back with it, there are rarely moments he acts out of this persona in some surprising manner only to awkwardly slip back into it—at least, you'd have to think hard about it to find one.

like,, he's soft and sweet with mc? it comes along naturally; we say, yeah. that feels like something he'd do. he's caring and concerned for mc's wellbeing? again, natural; we say, of course. his profession allows him to put in that extra care and concern.

but it isn't always like that with xavier, is it? why is it that xavier surprises us? why is it so common for him to suddenly act a little different from what we know, and have it be so jarring to not even to just us, but to mc as well?

there are so many subtleties to the way he seems to try to express himself, but always finds himself short of doing it in the way he wants to. the push and pull with mc? the soft moments, only to step back and be distant? then the sudden forwardness in contrast? the jealousy? the devs even go so far as to put so much attention into giving him these microexpressions, that like—it always feels like they have so much meaning to them. his basic animations? the way his eyes would widen or soften, the slight tilt of his head, the little smile that grows, even the way he'd shake his head and look to the side? and his card animations? the eyebrow raise? the little frowns? the narrowing of eyes? the very slightest movements of his lips into a pout or a smile? hell, even the hesitation in his voice sometimes, or the tiniest inflections, they all seem to say so much.

it's just,,, it's those little things. microexpressions. involuntary emotional leakage. they last for a fragment of a second, but they're there. they're always there. and with xavier, they seem to always convey so much more than whatever words he can muster. like something's desperately trying to peek through this persona he's built for himself, that he's getting there, but he isn't quite there yet.

then, why is that?

several factors.

family, for one. his role, for one.

because at his core, he's always been the prince of philos. but he's also always distanced himself from that title, his family, at the same time.

and how does mc recognize xavier to be, the first time they meet?

trapped.

—"they say he doesn't live on campus because his family background is complicated, and many people have seen him surrounded by bodyguards."

—"they aren't clad in all black as one would expect, and they keep a respectable distance away from xavier. still, these people exude an air of oppression. xavier, with his bag, is at the center of their group. it seems he's used to being stared at. the only difference is that rather than being his usual expressionless self, he appears slightly upset."

—"'you appeared to be upset, so i thought you wanted to be free.'"

—"'i wish xavier is free to do what he wants.'"

he wants to strip away the one thing he has associated with himself enough to be his identity, because it's an identity he didn't choose. he wants nothing to do with it, nothing to do with the responsibilities his family pushes onto him if he can help it. it's been that way from the start—he doesn't want attention for it, doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, would rather not be associated with it at all.

and the first time he meets mc, it's a testament to how much freedom being with her gives him. she saves him from that oppression. he's allowed to be a little more himself; a little less tense, a little more aloof, a little more joke-y, maybe even a little teasing, just—someone who can smile, and laugh, and speak—genuinely—without finding the need to hold back in some way.

it even carries over to every timeline he meets her in.

but duty is the enemy of freedom.

and what is expected of a prince?

is it not to be calm, and rational, and composed? is it not to be gentle, and kind? patient, caring? just, but to be able to prioritize his people—his potential future subjects—over just the one person he loves?

there's another line from his anecdote that stands out: "it's not that i like it. it's the only thing i've been good at since i was a child."

maybe he's fallen into practice enough with these habits, and these mannerisms, for some of these things to become part of him—again, by force of habit. but these are still qualities of an identity he never asked for. it's identity foreclosure: these identities, habits, skills; they were given. granted. forced upon him to learn. he's expected to be the heir to the throne, and he doesn't have much of a say in the matter... so it just. grows on him, despite his resignations about it. he has no choice but to allow his identity to be centered on this very role, these very expectations.

so much so that even escaping such a role, even abandoning philos as a whole, doesn't allow him to escape the identity he's built around it.

another factor? everything that's happened in the time before our current timeline.

because what does he maintain? a leadership position; captain of the backtrackers. a profession relating to combat; evol police, then a deepspace hunter. lumiere.

and he's retained certain things, too, like his more quiet nature, and the calmness that we've seen from him throughout...

and that's exactly the thing.

he's gone through so many identities. lived so many lives, for all the years that he has been living.

yet certain things remain constant;

and still, certain things threaten to break through from that shell that he can't quite let free so easily.

it's shocking, the first time we see him angry: the shining light card. it's shocking, the first time we see him more forward with his advances: kind words, tender nights. maybe, even a little shocking the first time we see him so easily jealous over jeremiah, even moreso over his own persona.

and again, we go back to that hesitation—the fact that he can't seem to express himself properly. because it's either he's incredibly awkward about it, or he just falls short of conveying what he wants to.

he has trouble being honest about his feelings, for example—difficulties in telling mc he loves her, difficulties in being direct to the point with her. he'd dodge her questions, be vague about things... he could never tell mc, as lightseeker, that the star tassle was from her in her past llife.

and:

the uncertainty in his actions speaks volumes, because he's sure of what he wants, but he can't seem to understand how to convey it properly.

it's like he's just so used to being princely, that he can't let go of it even if he isn't a prince anymore. he wants to. but he hides so much beneath that exterior still, and it's mc who's able to help him tear down those walls—mc who's able to make him want to try harder to. it's mc who's able to bring out those lighthearted moments in some of his cards, who helps bring light to the goofier side of him that he doesn't seem to be able to show to anyone else. it's mc who gives him his freedom.

and, i think—xavier's jealousy is just deeply rooted into all of that.

with jeremiah, and with other men, because he's not able to be as direct with his feelings as he wants to be, when other people can easily do that. because she is his freedom.

"to reach for freedom is to give it up."

that he's said this says so much about how he views things—because perhaps, he's given up part of his freedom for her... only for her to become his freedom.

he gave up his freedom just to find solace in her, when he's never made the move to express that clearly to her—and as much as he struggles to be more forward in his advances, he's scared that someone else will do it before him. so he'd reach for her, and fear losing her because of doing that, with the fear of losing her if he doesn't, and it's just this... whole cycle that he's so unsure of. he doesn't know what he should do.

and then add to that the essence of who lumiere is.

because who is he? what do we know of him?

he's "handsome" and "gentle". he's saved mc, twice, and become a fixation for her because of that.

it's silly at first glance, for there to be any issue in this—xavier is lumiere. they are inherently the same person.

but lumiere is a reflection of the person xavier is trying to leave in the past.

perhaps out of all the personas and identities we've known xavier to have assumed on earth, lumiere is the closest to prince xavier. in his aura, actions, mannerisms, speech, everything.

it's too close to it.

and it's not who xavier is now.

it's not who he wants to be.

—"lumiere... it's a name that only represents a moment in time."

—"lumiere is a person who should disappear."

in all the time he's spent with mc, he's been learning to be more himself and less of the mask he's been conditioned to assume from a young age—only for her to fall back into fawning over this lumiere persona that isn't inherently him, isn't who he's trying to be.

he's less jealous of himself, and more of actis with the hesitation of—does she not love me if i slip off that mask? does she prefer me when i'm like that? is it always going to be prince xavier; is it always going to be lumiere?

he'd feel the freedom he finds in her slipping away.

he doesn't want that.

he wants a normal life with her, without all these obligations, all these responsibilities, all this stress,,,

and lumiere won't grant that to him.

he wants to leave it behind.

but that's the thing, because there's also something he doesn't quite understand about it.

because by now, he's had so many identities. he's fragmented, maybe; unsure of himself, a little lacking in the confidence of which part of him mc will truly love, especially after all this time. and maybe he's aware of that or maybe he's not, but—

even the most conflicting parts of us are still us. and the more we attempt to be who or what we are not, the more we remain the same.

the only way he'll move forward from all of this is to accept the fact that even "prince xavier", even "lumiere", are part of him—maybe parts of him he doesn't want, but that still contribute to him as a whole. and it's something xavier needs to realize for himself, something that no one has been able to help him with all this time. something he's been conditioned not to believe. something that hopefully, mc is able to help him through, as an integral part of the very minimal support system he has at all.

just,,, :( living all these lives, chasing after ghosts, for so damn long... it truly fucks with your brain :( and lumiere's event just??? i feel like it sheds so much light on that when you read between the lines and like god. i have OVERTHUNK THE FUCKKK out of this lmao 😭✋

but there's so much more to xavier that meets the eye, and i think that's why i love him so much :(

[a-slut-for-smut]

A Short but Sweet AckerSmut Preview...

heya RM lovelies so i very much wanted to get this out as a smutty xmas gift but that clearly didn't happen but better late than never no? Actually REALLY late, originally it was supposed to be for kinktober/smutober per @levi4mikasa's suggestion waaaaay back when (dont think i forgot 😘)

Its funny i always told myself id never write rivamika because theres no way in hell i could do justice to their characters but then i was like eff it- when it comes to pure smut, we ball!!!

So this is just a preview but the set up that i havent written yet is Levi and Mikasa had a heated argument at a military fundraising ball right before Marley Arc, he says something intentionally to really piss her off (naturally, its his kink) and shes ends up propositioning him; hellbent on revenge. Hilarity (and smut) ensues 😁

*************************

Her deceptively delicate hands were on his belt buckle, her right thumb sensually tracing the notched prong back and forth.

“Are you sure you want this, Captain?”  Mikasa asked lowly, peering up at him underneath her long, dark lashes.   

“Don’t call me that.”  His reply was a bit more gruff than he had intended, having gotten far too comfortable with barking orders at soldiers and civilians alike. He cleared his throat.

“Not here.  Not when we’re…like this.”  He finished, softening his tone.

Mikasa couldn’t help but scowl up at him.  “Then what the hell am I supposed to call you, sir? 

The irritation across her face instantly gave way to shock, her eyebrows scraping her hairline at his startling reaction.   For that cool, unyielding facade that was his handsome face fractured for a split second, revealing a flicker of something she would never thought possible for the stalwart captain: uncertainty, doubt.  Maybe even fear?  

She struggled to place it as she composed herself; quite a feat with the way his eyes now seem to be boring into her. As with his face, she caught a fleeting glimpse beyond that hard gaze; a flash of explosive heat that suddenly ignited, and while he had shut it away as quickly as it came, she could still feel the residue heat from it.  Although it was somewhat unsettling coming from someone as stoic as Levi, she’d be lying to herself to say it was wholly unwelcomed.

After an uneasy pause, he finally found his voice.

“Call me by my name…Mikasa.”

Her eyebrows betray her once again.   The casual yet profound intimacy of her name passing through his typically stiff but now softened lips, along with the way his eyes searched hers almost desperately did something to her; but she wasn’t quite sure what. 

Then she felt it, a flutter in her stomach, a warming yet pleasing sensation that slowly bloomed across her body. As she felt the soft heat crawl up towards her cheeks she tore her eyes away from his, focusing her attention back on the task at hand. 

“Fine.” She replied as bluntly as she could. “Are you sure you want this…Levi.”

Again, Levi hesitated before he spoke, or rather, whispered.  

“....Yes. I want this.”  Oh so very much.

It was Mikasa upon her knees, but the way he breathed out the simple, yet, loaded response had all the hallmarks of a prayer.  It was a sight to behold Levi so utterly vulnerable like this, but her Ackerman instincts wouldn’t allow her to ignore the opening; the much desired opportunity she had been hoping for.   

“...I’m glad to hear you say that,” she murmured as she began to unbuckle his belt and unfasten his trousers. 

Levi watched with such intense focus that the scene before him seemed to unfold in slow motion; memorizing every movement as she methodically undressed him, the grace and deftness of her fingers.   Deep down he wanted to relish this moment as much as possible, spurred on by the very rare occasion of not having to look up to take in the magnificence of her.  

As with his countenance, Mikasa peeled away the barrier before her, exposing his stark-white undergarments to full view.  Her elegant hands came to rest on his hips, pulling them slightly forward towards her as her grip upon them tightened.  Levi stilled himself with bated breath.  

This was it.  There was no going back.  And if he was being entirely honest, he was damn certain he didn’t want to.  In his reverie he was quite understandably distracted, his normally sharp instincts dulled.  

And with that, ladies and gentlemen, marked the downfall of Levi Ackerman. 

He nearly missed the small smirk tug at her parted lips but it was too late; Levi could only hopelessly watch as she suddenly reared her head back and smashed her forehead with the unmistakable strength of a woman worth a hundred soldiers against his woefully exposed groin. 

Levi saw stars, galaxies, f*cking aliens as he doubled over in sheer agony, a white scorching pain searing across his veins throughout his body; blinding him briefly. Once again his Ackerman instincts were stifled, unable to counter the continued onslaught as his vision returned to him only to see her slender yet deadly fist rocketing directly towards his face. 

There was no prospect of defensive maneuvering as she executed a devastating haymaker uppercut, her fist making contact square in the nose, lifting his entire body off his feet into the air and sending him sailing (and flailing) across his office.  

In a different circumstance he would have admired the elegance of her form- from the telegraphed windup as she shifted her weight and rotated her torso back, the fluidity of the follow through as her right arm glided across the air in a perfect arc, and the pinpoint accuracy of her fist as it locked on the bullseye that unfortunately happened to be his nose.  But alas, this was decidedly not that circumstance- the result of which had him crashing down heavily on his ass, one hand painfully clutching his abdomen with the other cradling his bleeding and possibly broken nose. 

His senses finally returned to him upon impact, the shock of it all finally giving way to fury.  

“WHAT THE F*CK, BRAT??? YOU BROKE MY F*CKING NOS-”

Levi was cut short when a pair of heavy boots landed dangerously close on either side of his head.  He looked up to find Mikasa leering down at him with a particularly devious smirk.  

“Oh, I'm going to break much more than your f*cking nose- Levi.”

She reached under her military skirt and tore off her panties in one fluid yank, tossing them aside before pouncing down to her knees to straddle his face. She fisted his hair roughly, yanking it flush to the ground as he gasped in both pain (and embarrassingly, delight), the other tearing his hand off nose and pinning it above his head.

“Now let's put that filthy mouth of yours to good use for once.”

Both Levi’s eyes and mouth widened, but before he could get out any retort Mikasa recklessly smashed her groin directly onto his face, joining his lips with her own (of a sort); grunting her satisfaction as she finally put him in his place- an inglorious place, yet a place, quite frankly, where he seemed right at home.

yah not me indulging myself to the max of my fav kinks (femdom, explicit consent and the loaded intimacy of using personal names) teehee

Anyway thats all i managed to get so far, honestly dont know when i'll finish (if ever, life getting the best of me at the moment) but the jist is ‘something something Mikasa beats the sh*it outta Levi, she rides his freaking face off and he basically thanks her and asks for seconds’ 😁

@warbarbie @magicalanchordestiny @chaosisbeauty23 @levi4mikasa much love and appreciation for the encouragement!! this is for you <3<3

[nitannichionne]

If He Was Your Fan (A Henry Cavill Fanfic), Chapter 72: Tarnish (Henry POV)

Shit.

Fuck.

Shit.

I suddenly can’t find her, and I realize where I have to go. Trent.

This is what I get for listening to my manager. She suggested that I meet with Lara Winters regarding my Warhammer dreams. I’d actually played with her online, but I didn’t know she was DecheLaran. Blending the names of a heroic and an evil Warhammer character with her own fascinated me. And when my manager gave me a chance to meet her?

I should have told her! I should have told her!

But did I have to meet for tea?

It is sociable, I told myself. But as our conversation evolved, it felt like blind date. And I didn’t mention my romantic life at all. Lara didn’t either, but she kept suggesting we meet again since we had similar interests, especially in gaming.

Did I have to put us in a quiet corner? Did I? Why?

And I knew deep down when my love caught Lara and me. She smiled even though I saw a sad shine in her eyes. And when she returned to her table and resumed her day with her friends, my heart sank. She was composed and of grace, making me feel so far from my line that I lost my appetite. I heard her laugh, and it stood out, like mine must have stood.

What am I doing and why?

“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I tell her.

“I know they are steering from the Witcher books even more, but—”

“I just can’t.”

She sighs. “I know.”

“You understand?”

“Of course, I do,” she puts her arms around me. “I’m a writer. I would be very upset if someone did that to something I’d written, especially if many people had read it and liked it. You are a reader, a lover of stories, so you would take it equally as badly. The only reason they are doing it is because the author is not there to fight for his story.”

I hug her. “Thank you.”

I was getting asked by those of my station what I was thinking. Because she lived in Brixton, everyone thought she and I were over, though no statement had been made, and I forbade my personal life to be a subject of discussion in interviews. In Cov-Id no one really knew or cared, everyone assumed, and they all probably thought she—no, we--wouldn’t have made it so long.

When I met with the Dwayne, I saw his look of WTF? when he saw her. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I gave a small smile. She busied herself playing with his children who loved her energy, and made nice with his wife. When we sat for lunch, she was a little quieter than usual, and I spotted her glancing around the table. I put my arm around her, and she smiled gratefully. Dwayne’s eyebrow quirked, and his wife put her hand on his, offering a gentle smile.

And then after being crushed by the media and my fans, I was upset, and I wasn’t sure what to do as she looked saddened. I didn’t know if I should comfort her or if I should tell her to buck up, because this is how it really is, she had to know. They researched her-her humble beginnings, downplayed her triumphs that I knew of personally, which is impressive when she essentially was classified a commoner, and an American one at that. My mother supported my choice, liked her. My brothers only asked if I was happy, and their wives the same. She loved children, so my nephews and nieces liked her, too, though admittedly were intrigued by the difference of her features. My niece asked if she could touch her hair, and I thought I’d die, but she simply bowed her head and let her, and then asked her to open her eyes wide so she could see how blue they were. “You and I are earth and sky. Your eyes are like the sky, mine are like the trees, but we’re still in the same world.”

Talks were going on in every facet of my life and now, now, the one talk I didn’t have to have, I may have to have. I wasn’t even sure I had to have it, but now my half truth got me in trouble. It did not look like a business luncheon, and I knew it. I was attracted to Lara, but was I willing to give up someone who truly loved me for a possibility? I’d done it before.

But then I remember when I kissed that model, or she kissed me, or however it went. And the hurt in her eyes…I close my eyes against the memory.

“You must try and do better than that, Henry, please?” she sniffed in the shower that day.

I will do better, I told her silently. I will either be worthy to stay or I will leave, and I cannot. I took a deep breath and exhaled, shaking slightly. “Alright.”

So vulnerable…

“Henry?” She looks surprised to see me. “What are you doing here?”

“I have been looking for you.”

“You could have called.”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Hmmm.” She moves toward the stables, and I follow. It is just us and the horses.

I exhale heavily, and when we get in front of Luc’s stall, she turns to me.

“Level with me, Henry.” Her eyes are already glassy with tears. “Level with me?”

I say nothing.

She bites her lip and literally snorts as she gets the blanket and saddle. “That was your business luncheon?”

“Yes—” I am pushed back as I try to help, but she pushes me back with her body, and then resumes her task.

“You seem like…old friends.” She hurls the saddle over, and begins dealing with buckles and clasps, patting Luc reassuring for every one. Luc looks at me, and I sigh. Even the horse knows something is wrong.

“I play with her on Warhammer, but I didn’t realize it was her.”

“Ah, a shared interest…or passion?” She checks the bit and lead.

Those last two words held hurt and accusation. I didn’t know what to say to that.

“My manager suggested—”

“Ah.”

I exhale heavily.

“She is a fine match for you, Henry,” she says softly. “The timing of this is impeccable for anyone who has expectations.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “Expectations?”

“Let’s face it, the websites and such do not exactly approve of me,” she said with a tilt of her chin. “Do you like her?” She was starting to twist the ring I gave her as if she was going to remove it.

I step back reflexively. “She’s an interesting person.”

She stops twisting the ring and folds her hands. “Like I was?”

“No, different.”

“Different?” Her voice is thick with emotion as she clenches her hand over the other.

“I—”

She reaches into her pocket and hands me the key to my flat. “You don’t know what you want, who you want.”

“I—”

“I love you,” she says in a whisper, a stray tear falling. “but I will not compete for you. Fighting to stay together is one thing, but fighting to keep you, I won’t do.”

I whisper her name. “Please, don’t—”

“I will keep wearing the ring,” she nods. “the press has seen it, and I will not indicate your indecision or indiscretion or whatever it is.”

I flinch. That was a literal slap in the face, but I deserve it. I should end it, I think, but the idea of her leaving didn’t sit right and I wish I knew why. Was it guilt? Was it regret? Was it love? Either way, she was being aloof and for once, I cannot read her.

She sniffs, but maintains composure. “I would appreciate if we could still go to the party, and we can decide about the holidays then.”

“I am leaving—”

“For the press junket, I know,” she smiles sadly, licks her lips. “Is she going with you?”

“No!” I couldn’t believe she asked that.

“Good,” she nods. “Gives us time and space alone to think.” She kisses my cheek, and says hoarsely, “Safe travels.”

“We’re not done—”

“Oh, yes, we are,” She swings up on Luc. “For now.”

“Damn it!” I scramble to my horse at Trent, put on the bit and swing up.

“Mr. Cavill—” John sees me leading her out. “your saddle?”

“No time!”

“Sir--!”

She is lightning on that beast!

I swing up on mine and chase her, but she is just a sack of potatoes on Luc, and when she leans into him, she looks even smaller. They ‘re on the trail in a flash.

“Yah!” I take off, but she is just too fast, and with the wind at her back, she doesn’t look real. I slow, realizing I can’t catch her.

“Go home, Henry!” She throws over her shoulder. “go home.”

“Hey!” Finn runs out, seeing her speed, and looks at me. “What happened?”

I trot my horse in, shaking my head, and dismount near the stables.

“Hold on,” Finn swings me around. “What did you do?”

We lock eyes and I realize he’s ready to fight. “Stay out of it, Finn. I mean it. Stay out of it.”

“I’ll take the horse, sir,” John rushes over and takes the lead. His look is one of anger, but not enough to be disrespectful.

“You can’t tell me what to do, Cavill,” Finn growls. “If you hurt her, you will be squaring with me.”

I nod, and see her in the distance. She looks so alone all of a sudden as she trots on the path, disappearing among the trees.

I don’t know how long I stood there. Honestly, I never felt so alone.

@mistress-of-ward​  @nuggsmum​  @messyinsomniacbookgirl  @jencanbeyouryengeralt​  @sweetdreamsofgelato​  @mary-ann84​  @omgkatinka  @the-soot-sprite​  @viking-raider  @keanureevesisbae  @henryobsessed​  @summersong69​ @kinbhot4henners  @sunshine96love​  @michelehansel​  @radofrivia  @thelastsock​   @defffcc  @tenaciousneckpartypainter  @rn7rocksn @mrskikirazz  @daydreamin83  @ruthoakenshield  @musicartmayheminmyheart  @michelehansel  @tumblnewby  @defffcc @tenaciousneckpartypainter @rn7rocksn  @daydreamin83 @ruthoakenshield  @forallthebrokenheartedthings  @alphacancrii @liquorlaughslove @designerewriterchic @sofiebstar @tamychm  @nikkilynn303 @circesgirl @aaescritora @xoxohannahlee  @pixie88 @fckdeusername@maan24@rn7rocks @kaatelyyynn  @october505 @absentmindedreader @introvertedmouse

[keefwho]

March 06 - 2024 Wednesday

10:31pm

6/10

This morning I took a little time to myself in the shower to clear my mind and hopefully get hungry. I didn't have an appetite but I made soup in a box and ate the whole thing. I had to use the bathroom and it made me a little late to Jared's ride. His car was very small, I felt cooped up in his car. We talked about my feelings and his experiences as well, specifically instances of him getting pissed at people in the military. He mentioned how there are some things he can't talk to his wife about without it actually causing more problems and this is something I learned too. It was more evidence that you need multiple people to compliment different aspects of yourself. Grocery shopping went smoothly, but I forgot to buy french fries. The old lady asked for my ID because of the drinks and I made a joke about not being expired despite my expired ID. On the way back I got to control the music and we chatted some more. I gave him a hug after we got all my groceries in. I put everything away and had to use the bathroom again. It wasn't a fun time and I decided to take another shower afterwards. I shamelessly enjoyed some 'me time' and baked in the hot water. At this point I decided to make today a self care day. When I got out, I sat down and relaxing while watching Forsen play a new Getting Over It sort of game. I ranted to Daisy about what self care meant and started composing a hierarchy of personal struggles to try and identify and relate them to one another. I cut up all the veggies I bought today for freezing and made stew for lunch. I ate the whole thing so I finally had a good meal in me. I sipped on a coke and decided to do a request today while I chatted with Turkey in VR. The conversation was pretty normal and after I finished the drawing, I felt like leaving. I told her that I didn't feel like socializing but what I actually meant was that I want to be social but I only want to talk about the struggles on my mind. She said she was here for it so I opened up about everything and we started talking. Her and her friend gave some very good perspectives and actually started helping me feel better about some things. Also a troll joined us to talk shit but we got him to open up about his problems genuinely too. I left to join Daisy and chill. We watched the last three episodes of Bojack which were very thought provoking and just stacked on to all the thinking I was already doing, in a good way. I felt good watching them with Daisy. I said goodnight to her since she didn't want to bed call. After she went to bed, I tried doing a little Babbdi stream while playing intercom vaporwave like I wanted to try. 1 guy showed up to say something but that was it. It was mostly about playing the game though and maybe using it as an opportunity to voice my thoughts some more. Towards the end I did that but most of it was spent quietly pondering.

~~~

Today after treating myself with some respect, I realized I want to talk about things more often in general. The past couple days have taught me how beneficial it is to open up when things are hard and how willing so many people are to listen. I don't have to put on a front, I can show up with the struggle at full strength. I've learned my cure to loneliness is to choose to not be alone. I also reminded myself about how important positive reinforcement is in general vs directly fighting something. So I'm working that into how I behave differently. Some part of me feels like I'm wearing a mask and that deep down, it's all still the same. Maybe thats true right now, but change takes time. Maybe I'm not going deep enough, I'll have to figure that out.

3 Things That Made Me Happy Today:

Taking some self care time.

Talking with Turkey and her friend about my feelings.

Watching Bojack with Daisy.

[bisexualboyinterrupted]

I went to him to surprise him and to apologize. I wanted to make him feel better by going out for some cookies and lemonade (we love lemonade). But it was the wrong day.

A few hours back, I had major panic attack after seeing his supposed friend surprise him at work for lunch. It was the friend he introduced to me a couple nights back. A friend he cozied up with instead of me. A friend he went out for breakfast with me instead of me. A friend who saw his costume first instead of me. Everything went like sudden flashbacks. I was hurt.

I went to him to apologize. A conversation turned into an argument. An argument turned into rage. He raised his voice at me. It scared me. He apologized. He said that he loves me and cares for me. He reassured me. We went our separate ways after.

As I was walking, I bawled my eyes out until all I see was blur. I get so dizzy. My legs felt week. I fell on the pavement. I composed myself. I tried calling friends but no one was picking up. I settled in at a Family Mart across the street. And then I saw them went out of a Starbucks. I begged whoever god there is that they turn a different direction. They did. So I went out and started walking on my own while craved his touch and his hug that will soothe me and calm my nerves.

I told him I was going to Greenbelt. That I did. I had to check if my PWD ID was there. It was a rough day because it wasn’t there to my dismay. Distraught, I went out not knowing what to do. And then from across the street, I saw them. He was holding his hand. He went to danger zone and walked him the same way he did me. I was in shambles.

I went to a different direction to avoid them. As I went in, I saw them in front of me. They were still holding hands. I walked swiftly past them but I heard the friend mentioned my name. I stopped to breathe. To cry. To let it out. And I went to walk to a different direction.

As I was nearing the bridge connecting Greenbelt to Landmark, I saw them again. My heart raised. It was crowded. I felt my world shrinking. So I ran swiftly as possible to avoid them. I almost fell. My knees were getting weak. My legs hurt like hell. I paused to cry again. I was on the verge of jumping the balcony. I was hurt. I was extremely hurt. The night at Pop Up was still fresh. And everything felt like salt on wounds.

I deleted all my socials so I could not see anything, save tiktok. I was just scrolling through tiktok to relieve my mind. And then what pops? A video he posted of them. And he was very affectionate. It wrecked me apart. I realized later that I have bruises from punching walls. My arms bled from the cutting I did. I had the worst day of my life.

Fuck my life. It hurts so bad.

After a few hours, I finally got to talk to someone. Someone who knows my pain and where I was coming from. Someone who experienced the same but from his POV. I finally got to talk to Matthew.

Matthew knew. He did it to me too. The phone call was abrupt. Although I wished it was long. I spent 3 years recovering only to be here. As I typed this, my left hand became numb.

After circling back to my conversation with him and to my abrupt conversation with Matthew, I came to realize what was wrong with me. I had an anxious attachment style. I did not respond well to silence. Space for me was only two to three days. And I thought that was enough. It made me look back and see that I was too much.

I was needy. I was in constant need of reassurance. I feared the uncertain. All because I did not know for certain if there was something I was actually holding on to.

At the end of the day, I still want us to be good. I still want us to go back to the way things were. I still want a do-over and learn from the mistakes we did to start fresh. I still want him to pick me, to choose me.

We made plans. And I because of that, I had plans. Now it’s blurry. And my future is again uncertain. Being suicidal, I make no plans for my future. I merely just live until I off myself or die from natural causes (whichever comes first). Making plans was big for me. To see these plans get blurry made me feel like I have no other reasons to continue living.

It’s hard to type these with on hand numb and the other wounded.

[bbyheedeungie]

You have me now | Cat hybrid!Jungwon AU

Pairings: Jungwon x Reader ft. Bang Yedam

Genre: fluff, angst

Warnings: depression, slight nudity

Word count: 1.7k

Synopsis: Going through some tough times in your life, you come across someone who is struggling as well. And now you never thought you'd find solace in your cat, Jungwon.

Author's note: this is my longest fic yet! I got very emotional with this one. Btw, thank you for all your support! 😭❤may all of you have someone to depend on in your darkest times.

Dark gray clouds cloaked the skies, with vicious thunders warning everyone that heavy rain threatened to pour mercilessly. It was 5pm, your last class had ended long ago but your teacher had to make you stay to discuss important matters with you; your failing grades in his class. And to make matters worse, your boyfriend had just broken up with you through a text.

As you make your way through the gates of the school, you groaned as the cold rain engulfed you within seconds.

"Guess this day can't get any better huh."

You make a sprint for it, not caring about getting your socks muddy anymore as your arms make a futile attempt to shield yourself from the rain.

Amidst the harsh cry of downpour, you were stopped at your tracks by the sound of weeping meows, not too far away. And there it was, under a tree was a small kitty crying in sorrow as the cardboard box which was probably supposed to be its home melted away in the rain.

You've never been one to keep pets, but you've always had a soft heart when it came to animals that is why without hesitation, you scooped up the poor kitty in your arms and ran home.

You were dripping wet, shivering as the warmth of your apartment slowly welcomed you and your companion. You settled the kitty on a rug as you took a warm shower and changed into an oversized shirt and sweatpants. When you finished drying yourself, you notice that the kitty barely moved an inch from how you left it, still shivering.

"Hey kitty, you'll be okay now." you cooed and stroked its wet head and ears. It looked at you cautiously yet gratifyingly and you were shocked at how much emotion its eyes held. Almost like a human.

"That's kinda odd. But you have very beautiful eyes though." you smiled.

Never having owned a pet, you were honestly unsure on how to take care of it. And so, together with your wet books, you blow dried the kitty with your hair drier. You giggled as the kitty flinched lightly and its fur stood up, probably new to the sound and sensation of your hair drier. Your laugh fades as your eyes train upon the scars all over the poor kitty's body. You could have easily missed it because of its dark fur but as it dried more, it became more visible. You knew battle scars when you see them. As your fingertips lightly grazed your scarred wrists, your heart can't help but ache for the small cat.

"I won't let anyone or anything hurt you again. I'll take care of you from now on, okay? You can depend on me." you assured and it meowed in response, tilting it's head sideways as it blinked at you a few times.

At dinner time, you rummaged all of your cabinets for anything you can feed to the small cat. The rain hadn't ceased yet, withholding you from going outside to buy proper cat food. For the time being, you decided that a can of tuna will suffice.

You placed the bowl of food in front of the kitty, taking a few seconds before it cautiously moves closer to it to sniff it.

"Well go on, don't be picky." You raised your eyebrows, placing your hands on your hips. The kitty meowed and did that thing again, tilting its head and blinking at you before dipping it's head into the food. It only took a few minutes for it to finish eating and you felt like a proud momma. Poor little thing must have been very hungry.

That night you decided to let the kitty sleep above your blanket, settling into its place at the foot of your bed. Suddenly, the sound of raindrops have never felt so calming as you slept soundly that night for the first time in weeks.

The morning welcomed you with bright sunshine beaming through your windows. You hummed in content as you snuggle closer to the warm body that cradled yours.

Your eyes shot wide open at the sudden realization and shoved the person away from you. You stumble out of your own bed and stare at the gorgeous boy that blinked at you confusedly.

"Come back to bed, I want to sleep some more." He whined sleepily, tilting his head as he blinked at you. Why did it seem familiar to you?

You combed through your hair profusely, trying to stay calm as you rake your thoughts on what had happened last night. Did you got drunk and brought a boy over? Your blanket covered his body up to his neck but you were sure he wasn't wearing anything underneath, remembering how warm his skin felt on yours. You slap yourself internally and took a deep breath.

"Umm hey, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Last night was a mistake." you said awkwardly, fiddling with your fingers. He blinked at you, seemingly hurt.

"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" He said sadly and sat up and attempted to reach out to you, your blanket sliding down to his hips. His entire torso was now in full display and you quickly stopped him.

"No, stay! Don't come near." You shrieked as you look away with your hands covering your eyes.

"Do you regret taking me in last night?" He asked bitterly, looking down to his hands.

"What, what do you mean?" You remove your hands from your eyes and glance at him, your eyes quickly falling to his scarred torso.

Just like—

"Oh! Did my human form freak you out? I'm so sorry, I'll change back."

My cat. Under the covers, was the kitty you took in.

To say that your morning was eventful was an understatement. You told him to change back to his human form and had him wear one of your oversized shirts in which he happily sniffed before putting on, and a pair of shorts that your brother had left when he last visited you. And now both of you are seated at the kitchen table, eating kimchi fried rice and eggrolls for breakfast. It has been 5 minutes of awkward silence when he decided to clear his throat.

"I guess I should introduce myself." He said shyly, his eyes glued to his plate.

"Please do." you nod, trying to stay composed.

"I'm Jungwon, and I'm a hybrid."

You take in a shaky breath. A freaking hybrid.

"I grew up in the animal shelter, where I was separated from my parents since birth. I don't know if they're hybrids as well." his fists clenched under the table and he took a deep breath, his eyes closed tightly. You quickly notice his discomfort.

"Hey, it's okay—"

"At the animal shelter, they didn't treat me well. The workers often lashed out me and hurt me when I couldn't obey them. And I didn't know why but I had this instinct of not to show them my human form. Honestly, this has been my longest time as a human." Jungwon said ruefully, ashamed to look at you in the eyes.

"When I was old enough, I escaped and ran away. I swore to myself that I am never going back to that place. And then I ended up under that tree, drenched and starving and you appeared and you—" he choked, his tears trickled down his face and you quickly sat up fron your seat, rushed to his side and engulfed him in a hug.

"Hey, you don't have to be alone anymore. You have me now, okay?" You said as you stroked his hair comfortingly.

Once he'd calmed down, you introduced yourself as well.

"I'm Y/N. I guess I haven't told you my name last night." you chuckled. He shook his head.

"No, but I kinda peeked at your school ID while you showered. Sorry about that." He said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

"No need to be sorry for." you giggled.

Your conversation was abruptly cut off by the sound of your doorbell.

"Huh, who could that be?" you muttered to yourself, leaving Jungwon at the kitchen.

You opened the door, revealing your ex-boyfriend, Yedam.

"Hey, I was worried when you didn't text me back." You scoffed at him.

"Why would you even worry about me? Didn't you dump me?" you couldn't help it but you were angry at him. How he treated you so lowly that he thought you didn't even deserve a proper break up, that just a text message will be enough.

"Hey, you can't blame me. Y/N, your grades were failing, you were diagnosed with depression. You were falling apart—"

"And you decided I'm too much for you to handle. Yedam, leave." Your voice broke, your tears threatening to fall.

"Y/N wait—"

"Y/N asked you to leave." a voice spoke behind you, his hand reaching out to rub your back comfortingly. I'm here Y/N, I'm right here for you.

He didn't like the way the man you were talking to was making you feel. He could sense how upset you are and it pisses him off.

"Who are you? Back off man, this is none of your business." Yedam tried to brush him off.

"Any business of Y/N is my business too. Y/N, is this guy troubling you?" He asked you, his beautiful cat-like eyes look at you with tenderness and then shoots menacing glares at Yedam.

"No, not all." You smiled at Jungwon, and Yedam saw it. How your eyes sparkled as you look at the boy. You were happy. And when your eyes flew back to him, it was empty.

"Yedam, we're over. This conversation is over too. I hope you live a good life and thank you for being part of mine. That is all." You stated, feeling proud of yourself for handling things so well. For being strong.

"Bye then." Yedam said, turning his back to the both of you not before shooting Jungwon a look and muttering "Punk."

Once you close the door, you let your tears stream freely. Jungwon worriedly wipes away those tears.

"That human makes me want to claw his eyes out. I hate him for making you hurt like this." he scowled. You only smiled at him.

"Y/N, you don't have to be alone anymore. You have me now, okay?" he said, repeating your own words.

[luvspence]

reids (camera) roll

boiling over

{full camera roll (masterlist of the blurbs) here}

some pics that some how end up in your camera roll when you’re dating spencer reid

something about parks at night stuck with you

the feeling of the evening

breeze and the sound of everything finally going to sleep was comforting 

you found yourself on many evenings taking a stroll around the park, to clear your head

it had been a rough week, heavy work load, family stuff, and not to mention spencer got a hair cut and you were going feral

your had been brewing, or as penelope would say “it was boiling over”

but whatever, you two were friends, just friends

so you were in the park to clear your thoughts, thoughts of serial killers and case reports, rent and student loans, spencer and his beautiful hair cut

just you and a dim street light

nearly no one was in the park past 8 pm, so when you spotted a stranger on the bench you were startled, yet curious

you pulled out your phone and started to text penelope

“alert i’m in the park there is unknown man on bench if i don’t text back in 5 call the rest of the team”

“okay, alerted!”

trying to get a better look at who was on the bench you realized

it was spencer

curled up in layers, with his new hair cut and a book

you nearly screamed, and you went to hide behind a tree to compose yourself

penelope texted

“hello?”

“hi, guy on bench is threatening”

“what???? i’m calling hotch”

“no, no it’s spencer, i think he’s on the phone?”

little did you know, the person on the phone with spencer, was garcia

“this is a bad idea garcia”

“spencer! trust the process, she’s literally at the park i told you, she’s seen you”

“what what where is she?”

“i’ll ask”

“god this is a bad idea i’m going home”

“spencer! trust, the, process”

“i can trust the process all i want penelope i don’t trust myself to talk to pretty girls!”

“you’re a dork, she’s in love with you no matter what you say she’ll adore it”

“you always say that but i don’t think so, what if i ask her and she laughs?”

“oh my god spencer she’s not”

“you don’t know that!”

“yes i do- oh she texted me, she said she’s behind a tree”

meanwhile you were spam panic texting garcia

“i’m behind a tree

ong what do i do

he’s so

here look i’ll send a pic”

right as you pointed your camera from behind the tree, spencer looked directly at you, and waved

oh. my. god.

you didn’t know if the right move was to run away or simply decompose right there

maybe both

against your better judgement, you walked toward him

“hey, sorry i was um, taking a picture of that building!” you lied through your teeth

“oh yeah no worries”

you two both awkwardly stood there staring at each other, spencer with a tight lipped smile and you rocking on the balls of your feet

“so, watcha reading”

“oh well, this actually isn’t a book, it’s a journal. i-i’ve been trying to write more?”

“oh cool, very cool” you said nodding your head

“so what are you doing here?”

“walking, clearing my head you know, so you just like to journal at parks at night?”

“well, yes but well. yes. i do journal in parks at night, but that’s not exactly why i’m here?”

“well then what’s up spence”

you said taking a seat next to him on the bench

“i well, i’ve been talking to penelope”

no good sentence started with “i’ve been talking to penelope”

“and well, she’s been helping me with a thing. and well she directed me here”

“what exactly is she helping you with?”

“well, i’ve actually been um, working up the courage to well, ask you out? on a date. and she told me you frequented this park and i don’t want you to interpret this as me stalking you! because well this is sort of out of my comfort zone i wanted to meet somewhere that wasn’t work, but i didn’t want to invite you to something and create expectations-“

you interrupted him mid sentence with a kiss

“id love to, how does tomorrow night sound?”

“w-wonderful”

—-

TAGLIST YEAHH: @takeyourleap-of-faith @reidsnose @reidemandweep @jessicarabbit09 @dayrin085 @poetxstardust

[nocapesdahling]

As the World Falls Down - Chapter 2

Helmut Zemo x Gender Neutral Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Chapter Summary: In which we hear a little from Helmut Zemo, the city is flying, and you find a baby. Not necessarily in that order.

Rating: Mature (17+)

Chapter Warnings/Tags: Slow Burn; Here there be angst; Accidental Child acquisition; Mentioned child neglect by others

A/N: I made myself sad while writing this chapter, knowing that certain things mentioned will never happen. Here begins the forewarned angst. Maybe once I finish this story, I’ll write a fluffy AU.

Chapter 2: Beneath a Fallen Sky (Age of Ultron) - Part 1

Word Count: 2.1k

Colonel Helmut Zemo repositioned his earpiece. He was not a man prone to fidgeting and never had been, especially on the job, but he had counted his squad after they had gotten clear of the city and they were one short.

You were missing.

His family was safe, his squad was safe, but you were not. While he kept his expression neutral, inside was a different story. You had to be here somewhere. You just had to be. He would not accept any other outcome. Once they arrived at their base outside the city, he searched room after room and asked person after person and could not find you. You were not in the Mission Control Room or in your workshop fiddling with your gadgets. You did not seem to be anywhere, which meant that he had to consider the idea of you still being in the city.

“Q, come in Q. Where are you? Branko is in need of you. He broke his new infrared glasses and Ana tore her body armor. Don’t ask me how she did it, darling. We thought it was indestructible, but you know Ana. She took that as a challenge.” He let a hint of his desperation show in his voice. “Q, please come in.”

All Zemo heard was static before a voice, your voice, answered and he breathed out in relief. “Hey, Boss.” you started haltingly. You sounded tired and out of breath. “Well, I’m still in the city.” Here, you paused and Helmut’s hand clenched into a fist. “We’re in the air, Helmut... I don’t know if I’m going to make it. You’ll have to give Carl his birthday gift from me. I think he’ll like it.”

His smile was filled with clenched teeth and looked more like a grimace. “Even now, you joke, my Q. Even now.”

__________________

You held back a sob at the pain you could hear in his voice.

You had been meant to rendezvous with the rest of your squad at the checkpoint, but had stopped as you passed an orphanage. You thought you had heard a baby crying, but that couldn’t be right. The orphanage looked to be and should be empty. You strained your ears, knowing you couldn’t leave a baby or a child there to die. There it was again, a baby’s cry. You knew your squad was long gone, but you reassured yourself with the thought that you could easily catch up with them after you saved the baby.

You searched through the rooms on the lower floor before finding one with cribs. No baby was in sight. You paused, hearing fighting and chaos outside. Knowing that you had to move quickly, you hoped for another cry. Just as you were about to dig out your infrared glasses from your pack, there it was again. There was a cry coming from behind some hospital style curtains. You pushed them aside and found what looked like a newborn baby or close to it, abandoned before their life could even start.

You didn’t have much experience with kids, but hoped your time as a babysitter would help somewhat. You had been the babysitter for the family with twins that lived in the apartment complex a few blocks over. They had been cute kids, a boy and a girl, but they weren’t babies. You had been on the job when their apartment was bombed and heard the news afterwards. Even with your connections, you had no luck in finding out what happened to them. You assumed they died alongside their parents and mourned them accordingly. You were never able to bring yourself to watch The Dick Van Dyke Show anymore. It brought back too many memories.

You picked the baby up and cradled her to your chest as she blinked her eyes up at you. Well then, maybe not as newborn as you had supposed. Her eyes had already settled on a color that was close to your own. It was a bit uncanny. You smiled at her, tickling heir stomach as you checked her diaper. You crinkled your nose at the smell. “I see that’s why you’re crying, little one. Let me fix that for you.”

You laid the baby down to change her when her eyes scrunched up and she let out an almighty wail. “Oh my, little one. What strong lungs you have. What about a song? How does that sound, hmm?”

The baby continued to cry and squirm, and you knew this needed to be done quickly as the sounds of fighting had escalated outside and you didn’t want the robots to be alerted to your presence.

You began to sing, “We have been waiting for you. Now you are here. More perfect than I imagined. Our house is now a home. No matter where you go. Sunlight shines on you.” You sang the lullaby again as the baby stopped crying and blinked sleepily.

“There. All done. I’m glad you liked it, though I don’t know if I’m much of a singer. My mother used to sing it to me. You should hear my friend sing. He has such a lovely deep voice and my godson loves it when he sings ‘Baa, Baa, Black Sheep’. I’m sure they’ll both be excited to meet you.”

You smiled down at her and searched the room, finding a baby carrier hidden behind some blankets and formula in the fridge in the next room over. You lifted the baby and put her in the carrier, strapping it to your chest and chatting idly all the while. You noted that she must be around 4 to 5 months old as she supported her own head just fine. You fed her the formula, mopping up her chin, and prepared yourself to go outside. You positioned yourself by the window, gun in hand and infrared glasses in place. There didn’t seem to be any robots in the vicinity at the moment, which meant that it was time to leave and catch up with your squad. You checked the baby one last time and were glad to see that she was still asleep.

You were ready. You stepped outside the orphanage and started to jog in the same direction you were going earlier, doing your best not to jostle the baby. Maybe, you could get through this and get both you and your little charge to safety. Maybe, you would see Helmut again. Then, the street behind you began to splinter and crumble and the ground gave a great lurch. The city had begun to rise from the ground.

__________________

You debated what to do and came up with some semblance of a plan that had at least a 65% success rate. That was not in the least bit promising, but it was better than the 0% chance you had if you stayed here. You needed to get you and your new passenger off the city somehow, and this was the only plan you had thought of so it would have to do.

You had ducked down in an alley that you recognized as not too far from one of your favorite cafes when your phone began to ring. Quickly, you picked it up and answered it with a brief glance at the caller ID. It was Helmut. __________________

“... Even now, you joke, my Q. Even now.”

“Well, Helmut, you know me. Always look on the bright side of life, even when the city is flying and you’re carrying an orphaned baby.”

“A baby, Q?” His tone was disbelieving and you could picture what he would have said if he were here in front of you. “Only you, Q, could get yourself into this mess. For someone so intelligent, you can be kind to the point of stupidity. I admire it as I admire you, but you must not let your compassion come before your safety.”

“Yes, Helmut. A baby. I think I’ll call her Alena. Maybe give her Heike as a middle name. What do you think? Oh, and you’ll be the godparents of course?”

You could hear Helmut let out a heavy breath and the slight hitch in his voice when he answered. “We’d be honored, Q. Heike will be thrilled and Carl will love having a new playmate. They’ll be like brother and sister I’m certain, eating Turkish Delights even when I’ve specifically told them not to.”

You laughed a bit wetly. “That’ll be nice. If we can get out of the city. We have something to look forward to. Cavities galore.”

He laughed and when he spoke his voice was softer than normal. “You’ve always had a soft heart, darling Q. My friend, I told you that your compassion might get you killed one day.” There it was. You knew he wouldn’t be able to resist commenting on what he sometimes thought of as a weakness of yours. You also knew that he wouldn’t have you any other way. He sounded composed over the line, but you knew him well enough to know that he was suppressing everything and trying to hold it back for you to keep your focus on your current situation.

On the other side of the phone, Zemo was glad that he was alone so no one could see their leader fighting to keep his emotions contained. Now was not the time to be showing weakness in front of his squad. They needed him controlled and composed.

You were the only member of his squad that he could be soft with anyway.

“I guess you were right, Boss. I guess you were right. But I’m going to do my best to make sure that today’s not that day.” You paused, holding in a sob. If you weren’t careful and if your plan didn’t succeed, then today would be that day.

Over the course of the conversation, you had been walking as fast as you could, without jostling Alena too much, in the direction of your apartment that was luckily in the center of the city. You dodged more robots, and had the brief thought that whoever had made these things had to be compensating for something.

Why else would they have made so many?

You continued, mustering your nerve as you finally came in sight of your apartment. “I love you, Helmut. You know that, right?”

“I love you too, my Q.” He responded without hesitation.

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, Helmut. The absolute best. Give my love to Carl and Heike.”

You had reached your apartment as the robots all began to fly towards the bridge side of the city, leaving the way clear for you. “Goodbye, Helmut Zemo. Use that exploding pen at least once for me, won’t you?”

With that, you ended the call and turned off your earpiece. You wanted to spare him what could be your final moments and selfishly did not want to hear a goodbye from him. It might be cruel of you to not give him the closure you now had, but a goodbye from him felt too final. It meant you would never see him or the little smiles he gave you, when he didn’t think it would be professional to laugh at your little asides during mission briefings, again.

Just the thought of never seeing Helmut smile or hearing him laugh again made your tears fall, which you quickly wiped away before they could hit Alena. You brushed your fingers through her baby fine hair and checked on her. “Still asleep, little one? It’s been a hard day for us and it’s about to get harder, but that’s okay because I have a plan.” Your eyes filled with determination as you walked towards your apartment’s makeshift workshop. You had just the project in mind for this.

__________________

You were unaware that in your squad’s base, Zemo was staring at his phone in horrified disbelief. You had hung up on him, and he was unable to help you from here. He was a powerful man, and this feeling of powerlessness both stunned and devastated him.

He could not save you.

Zemo threw the phone, smashing it against the wall, and screamed your name. Not Q, but your full name, the name he hadn’t called you in years. He received only silence in return. He trashed the room until his hands were bloody and as he fell to the ground, he finally allowed his anguish to break free and sobbed. He had not cried like this in years. The destruction of the room and his tears weren’t enough.

Nothing would ever be enough again.

He did the only thing he could do as he recalled your last words. “I will, my Q. I promise.”

Tag List: @rumblelibrary​

A/N: I couldn’t help myself with the reference to the Maximoffs. The Sokovian lullaby is the translated version of the one Wanda sings in WandaVision. Please let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list for this series.

[kindofwriter]

Just that bit of 177, but as a TV show script, because I have Ideas and no animation skills.

ID (unfortunately) under the cut, bc it’s literally thousands of words long.

ZOLF: Wilde, just talk to me honestly. Why are you... why...

WILDE: (ANGRY NOW) I'll tell you what: I'll talk to you honestly when you talk to me honestly

.WILDE snatches his hand out of ZOLF's.

.WILDE snatches his hand out of ZOLF's.

.WILDE snatches his hand out of ZOLF's.

ZOLF: (HESITANT) I am-

WILDE: (INTERRUPTING) Just say- Just say the words! 'Wilde, we need you to fix it again. Wilde, it's gone wrong, help! Wilde, solve this problem! Wilde; won't take long!'

With each sentence spoken WILDE's appearance changes: we watch him grow older. First we see him as ZOLF first met him: older, but still colourful and fresh-faced. Then we recognise his shorn hair and gaunt features from Damascus. Then, a flash of the man ZOLF has known for the past year: hair at an awkward, choppy length, practical clothes, tired eyes. And finally: thin and exhausted, with a jagged scar splitting across his face. He remains this way as he continues to speak.

WILDE: (ANGER BLURRING INTO UPSET) Just give me one of them! Just talk to me honestly, for the first time! Just, what is it? What- What needs fixing? What's gone wrong? What's on fire? 

WILDE gestures, almost absent-mindedley, out of the window.

CUT TO WIDE SHOT OF ZOLF

ZOLF is silhouetted in front of the window, which no longer shows an idyllic Paris day, but is instead reminiscent of the riots and looting that ensued after Mr Ceiling. A plume of smoke curls up out of Eiffel's folly.

CUT BACK TO WILDE

WILDE: Who died? What do I actually need to fix here? Because right now, this is the first chance I've had in I don't know how long. I've got finals coming up-

Suddenly WILDE is young and irritated again.

WILDE: I've got all of the interviews that are lined up on top, and everything's piling up, and all I've got are people asking me to fix things, and I keep doing it, and I keep fixing everything, brilliant. So, tell me, Zolf, I thought we were friends, but no. What do I need to fix?

ZOLF takes one hesitant, shuffled step towards WILDE.

ZOLF: (GENTLY )You don't have any-

WILDE: (INTERRUPTING )Do you want to cheat off me? Is that it? It's fine. Cheat off me, like everyone else does. It's. Fine.

WILDE drops his gaze, turning towards the garden.

ZOLF: (ANNOYED NOW) You don't have uni! You don't have exams! You don't have interviews! You. Are. Dead!

WILDE turns slightly back towards ZOLF and strokes a finger along his face, where his scar used to be.

ZOLF: You have no responsibility anymore. And you don't need to have any responsibility anymore. That's okay. (SOFTER) But I'm giving you a simple choice: you come back with me, or you don't. That's it. There is no other motive.

ZOLF pauses as if he wants to stop, looking upset and annoyed, then forces himself to press on.

ZOLF: Yes, things are broken. And things need to be fixed, and things need to be sorted out, but that doesn't have to be on you. And it shouldn't be just on you.

ZOLF extends a hand again. WILDE doesn't take it, but he's taken his attention away from the garden.

ZOLF: We're all responsible, for everything. And you died, in pursuit of a fix. And it would not be fair for me to tell you that you have to come back.

ZOLF lowers his hand.

WILDE: So why are you here? What, what, what's your actual point?

ZOLF: (INTERRUPTING) To ask you-

WILDE: (INTERRUPTING) Why don't you just let it lie?

ZOLF: (SOFT AND GENUINE) To ask you if you want to come back. You didn't choose to die, but you can, right now, choose to stay dead. 

WILDE takes a moment to compose himself. He suddenly remembers the drink still clutched in his other hand and finishes it, setting his glass on a table by the door. A breeze from the park ruffles his hair.

ZOLF: I know, better than a lot of people, that death ain't the end. Y'know, I'm a cleric for goodness sake. 

ZOLF touches the space on his chest were his dolphin once hung, then quickly drops his hand again, as if he was burned.

ZOLF: So, there is a, a natural order to things. And people die, and they move on, and that's just how it works.

WILDE: I'm just tired, Zolf. 

WILDE hangs his head, allowing his hair to cover his face in the same way he would do when hiding his scar.

WILDE: That's all. I'm sorry, I'm just- I'm just-

WILDE sighs. ZOLF takes another step closer to him.

ZOLF: I know, Wilde, I am tired too.

WILDE and ZOLF share a glance, one they've probably shared on countless late nights in countless safehouses. WILDE is the first to look away.

WILDE: Everyone thinks that they're carrying this, but they're not. 'Cause you know what happens if they drop the ball? I pick it up, and I pass it to someone else, and if no one else is there to take it I carry the ball myself. That-that's just how this works, and I'm just- I'm just tired. I'm just so tired, Zolf. I'm just. So. Tired.

ZOLF takes one final step; he's now right next to WILDE.

ZOLF: Do you really think you're the only person who feels like that? Everyone feels like that, all the time. Everyone's tired. And everyone has work to do. And-

WILDE: So, what? We just go back and carry on until eventually we can't? That's not-

WILDE sighs heavily, trailing off. ZOLF clenches a fist in frustration, but doesn't let it show on his face.

ZOLF: (WITH AN UPSET TINGE TO HIS VOICE, BUT KINDLY) Not necessarily. Not if you don't want to. I told you, when I first came here, I will turn around and I will go back on my own, and that is fine. 

ZOLF grits his teeth a little as he says this: is is clearly not fine.

ZOLF: That is your choice. But I want you to understand the options.

WILDE takes a deep breath, then looks directly at ZOLF.

WILDE: Just give me a reason, other than because there's something that needs doing. That's all I need. Just one reason, other than 'there is another job for you, Wilde.' That's all I need.

ZOLF seems flustered under WILDE's intense gaze, and for the first time since arriving looks directly away from him.

ZOLF: Do you want there to be another reason?

WILDE: What did I just say? Obviously I do! Yes! 

The tension is broken; ZOLF looks back to WILDE. His brow is furrowed slightly, and he looks like he's trying to hold back what he's about to say next.

ZOLF: (EXTREMELY SOFTLY) Fine. (FORCING THE WORDS OUT, BUT REALLY MEANING THEM) Because I need you, Wilde.

ZOLF reaches out a hand, but doesn't wait for WILDE to take it this time; he just grabs WILDE's hand in his own. A small smile twitches at the corner's of WILDE's lips.

WILDE: (SLIGHT SMILE BLOSSOMING INTO A GRIN) And there we go. An honest answer from Zolf Smith. I never thought I'd hear it.

ZOLF: (WITH RELIEF AND ANGER, BOTH MOCK AND REAL)You were just angling for that?!

ZOLF drops WILDE's hand in an over-dramatised manner. WILDE is chuckling slightly.

ZOLF: (GRINNING) You bastard.

WILDE: No, I wasn't just angling for that, but it's nice to know.

WILDE tucks his hair behind his ear.

ZOLF: Well, I didn't wanna say, because it wouldn't be fair.

WILDE: Oh, nothing's fair.

WILDE gazes over ZOLF's shoulder at something for a moment. The window reflects in his eyes, and there appears to be a figure stood on the balcony, dressed all in black, looking out over the city. ZOLF whips round to see what he's looking at, but there's no one there, save for the toe of a boot disappearing upwards, as if someone's climbing up to the roof. All this takes less than a moment. 

WILDE: Look at it.

They're both looking out the window now - from a distance - watching Paris burn. ZOLF turns back to WILDE.

ZOLF: D- uh. D'you want to come back, or don't you? Like, yeah, uh, I-I've said it, I know. But it's still your choice.

WILDE: Here's the plan. We're gonna finish up these drinks, we go out there-

WILDE gestures to the doorway behind him, but as he does the already darkened park fades completely to black.

WILDE: We'll figure it out. We always do. It's fine. It's just useful to know I'm not just beating my head against the wall for no reason, Zolf, y'know?

WILDE smiles fondly down at ZOLF, allowing the backs of their hands to brush together.

ZOLF: Look-

ZOLF pulls his hand away, and for a moment WILDE looks hurt, until ZOLF grabs hold of his lapels and yanks him down to ZOLF's height. Their noses are almost touching. WILDE smirks coyly and ZOLF looks stoic, but both of their cheeks flush slightly from the proximity.

ZOLF: When this is all done we'll go on holiday or something.

A huge, Cheshire-cat-grin spreads across WILDE's face.

WILDE: Where?

ZOLF: (EXHASPERATED AND FOND) Oh, I don't know! I don't know where's gonna be left after all this is done. But somewhere nice. 

WILDE: (WITH MOCK SINCERITY) Zolf, I won't come back with you until you tell me where we're going on holiday together.

ZOLF: Such a dick.

ZOLF lets go of WILDE, allowing him to straighten up, but as soon as he does ZOLF grabs his hand again.

ZOLF: Come on.

With one final shared smile, WILDE pulls ZOLF after him into the darkness.

END ID].

[imagine-loki]

Midnight Stroll

TITLE: MIDNIGHT STROLL

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: One Shot

AUTHOR: mooncat163

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine that you struggle with sleep walking, and one night you manage to get to Loki’s room. The next morning he wakes to find you snuggled against his back, and wonders how you ever got past the security spells he’d cast.

RATING: General

NOTES/WARNINGS: just fluffy stuff, sleepwalking

— —

You’ve been up for close to seventy-two hours straight, copying VHS surveillance tapes to digital in an attempt to isolate and identify players suspected of gearing up for a major weapons heist. Any attempts to make you rest before you collapsed were rebuffed: you were determined to complete the process and make positive ID’s as soon as you could.

“Hey.”

The greeting was soft so that you weren’t startled when Steve came up behind you. He glanced over the monitors before looking at you.

“Hey, Cap,” you replied, and turned your head slightly. “I’m almost done, just have about twelve hours left-“

“That's why I’m here,” he said. “You’ve been at it for close to three days, and you need to rest.”

“I’m good,” you protested. “Jarvis has already isolated footage for me, I just have to-“

“Rest,” he said, firmly. “Jarvis, bookmark where she’s at, but she’s not allowed to start again until she’s eaten and slept.”

“Yes, sir.”

“But I-“ You turned your chair to face Steve after the computer monitors went blank.

“No.” He urged you out of the chair and then ushered you from the room. “Tony agrees, and none of us want you to become overtired.”

You still wanted to protest, but there wasn’t any point in doing so. Jarvis wouldn’t allow you to access the files until Tony or Steve agreed to it, and there wasn’t a way to subvert the AI. You knew this because you’d tried several times, just to see if you could and to see how badly you could annoy Tony.

You had managed one small victory: you’d renamed some of his music files, so that instead of the heavy metal songs he liked to blare at random, Jarvis would end up playing teen bop songs. Tony didn’t talk to you for a week after that, although you could see by the gleam in his eyes that he was slightly impressed by the feat.

Computers had always been your ‘thing’, and you could set up networks and track down problems in record time. When you worked with the electronics, your mind visualized the connections and routes in schematic form, enabling you to pinpoint the failing areas. When it came to analyzing data, you could do so just as quickly.

Steve led you to the elevator, and the ride up to the Avengers’ level was made in silence, then his hand in the small of your back guided to the dining table, where the rest of the team sat.

“Glad you could join us,” Tony said, grinning when you cut your eyes at him.

You sat down across from Loki and Thor, then helped your plate with food as it was passed to you. You offered them both a tired smile, which Thor returned with a wink. Loki nodded, and although he didn’t smile, his green eyes were lit with amusement. A warmth spread through your veins, making it hard to look away from him, but you finally managed.

If only he wasn’t such eye candy, you thought. Or maybe such a snack...a tall, tall, snack…snack-a-licious…

You smothered a giggle that almost escaped, but then strangled on the sip of water you’d just taken. While you coughed into your napkin, Bucky tried to help by patting your back, but his strength knocked you forward enough where you almost face-planted into your plate.

“Bucky!”

“Sorry.”

You composed yourself while keeping your attention on your food. You weren’t very hungry, even though you’d subsisted only on coffee, protein snacks and candy over the last few days. As you began to eat, it became difficult to keep your eyes open. Now that you were still and quiet, the lack of sleep caught up with you fast. The others watched as your head began to drop lower and lower, until your fork clattered onto the plate as you fell asleep while sitting upright.

“Come on, sleepyhead.” Steve scooped you up and carried you to your apartment, where he put you to bed.

— —

Later that night, Tony was still in the common room when you padded quietly on bare feet into the kitchen. You went to the fridge and stared at its contents for several minutes before taking out a yogurt cup.

He watched as you shuffled to a drawer for a spoon, and he started to ask if you needed help when you struggled to open the yogurt, but you did manage to get the lid off after a couple of minutes.

“Are you alright?” He asked as you consumed the yogurt in four large spoonfuls.

You didn’t respond, just dropped the spoon into the sink, and the empty cup into the garbage, and left. Once back in your apartment, you crawled into bed, pulled up the covers and went back to sleep.

— —

Several hours later, Loki stirred from a deep sleep when something woke him. He listened for any movement in his apartment, but all was quiet. Something wasn’t right, though, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

He started to get up, but then realized what had disturbed him: a warmth against his back, along with a bare arm across his waist. To say that he was stunned would be an understatement, since neither should be there.

Loki carefully grasped his bedfellow’s wrist and raised it enough to try to determine who had invaded his space, and he didn’t need three guesses when he recognized the intruder’s bracelet.

Pixel.

He couldn’t help but think of you by the nickname that Tony had burdened you with due to your computer skills. None of that was important, however. What was important was why you were in his bed, and how you had managed to avoid the spells that he cast each night that would alert him to any intruders. It was a habit that he kept, even though it was unlikely that he’d be attacked in his own suite, and he felt a bit uneasy that you hadn’t triggered any of them.

Loki carefully shifted until he faced you, and the movement was enough to turn you on your back. He braced up on one elbow while he looked into your face, and recognized the exhaustion it reflected. He knew that you’d been working hard on the surveillance videos; too hard, it seemed. He frowned at that, and decided to speak to Stark about letting you stay awake for days on end, as it wasn’t necessary since Jarvis could easily help run comparisons.

“Hey, Pixel.”

He brushed hair out of your face before shaking you gently, but you didn’t stir. He tried again, with no success: you were dead to the world. He considered taking you back to your own bed, but an urge for mischief kept him from doing so. He rather wanted to see what your reaction would be come morning. So, he adjusted position slightly so that your head was pillowed on his arm, then he put the other arm across you and pulled you closer.

— —

Early the next morning, well before dawn, you awoke slowly to find that something was very, very wrong.

Your sheets were softer than you recalled, you were curled against someone’s side, with your head on their shoulder, and this someone had their arms around you. Slowly, carefully, you sat up, and the shock when you recognized your bedfellow had you turning toward the edge of the bed.

Loki.

Before you could disengage fully from his embrace, he turned with you, and drew you even closer to his chest, where he held you firmly. You laid still for a couple of minutes, not wanting to disturb him, hoping to escape before he woke. Then you carefully tried moving his arm from across your waist so that you could slide from beneath it.

“What’s the fuss, pet?” Loki asked, sleepily.

“Why are you in my room?”

“Your room?” You felt his smile against your temple.

“My room! And my bed!”

“Are you certain about that?”

Your brow furrowed in confusion while you slowly looked around, then your mouth fell open in astonishment when you realized where you were. Nope, not your room, but his.

“How did I get in here??”

“That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?” He asked, while burying his nose in your hair. “How you got in, and got past my security measures.”

“I don’t—wait, security measures? You mean booby traps?” You whispered, aghast.

He almost laughed aloud at that, and would have if your tone hadn’t been so horrified at the notion of triggering one of his spells.

“Don’t worry, Pixel, there isn’t anything that will cause lasting harm,” he chuckled. “So, first order of business: why did you come here?”

“I’m not...oh...cripes…” you rubbed your face with a groan.

“Yes?”

“I’m so sorry...I must have been sleepwalking.”

“Oh?”

“I haven’t done it in years, though...I guess being up for close to four days straight triggered it.”

“I see,” Loki mused over that for a moment. “But how did you get past my spells?”

“I don’t know, I really don’t,” you replied. “Are you sure they’re still intact...never mind, forget I asked.”

You’d backtracked on the question when his arm tightened slightly; you could imagine that his expression would remind you that he was a master sorcerer who was at least nine hundred years in age, and that he would know if his spells had failed.

“I should go,” you told him as you tried again to move his arm. “I’m very sorry for invading your space…”

“It’s early yet, why not stay?” He asked. “You’re delightfully warm.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I should.”

You were painfully aware that your gown’s thin straps left your arms and shoulders bare, and the hem only reached to your knees. There was no way that Loki hadn’t noticed it either, just as it hadn’t escaped your notice that his chest was bare. Thankfully, you could tell that he had on pajama bottoms. Thank God for small mercies.

“I was a perfect gentleman last night,” he commented. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do,” you replied, quickly. But do I trust myself?

Loki hummed softly before he ran his hand down your arm and changed your gown into one that covered you from your chin to your feet, and from your shoulders to your wrists. You were quite sure the thing would strangle you, since you were a restless sleeper.

“Geez, did you raid Steve’s grandmother’s closet??”

“Just trying to be helpful,” he replied with a chuckle, before he changed the gown again.

This time it was a green shirt with flowing sleeves, open neckline and a shorter hem which reached your knees. It wasn’t lost on you that he’d put you in his color.

“Better?” He asked.

“Yes, thank you,” you replied. “But I should go....”

He held you more firmly, and drew his legs up behind yours to trap you further. He was reluctant to let you go now that you were in his arms. He’d watched you for months now, slowly warming up since you treated him the same as anyone else, perhaps even better. He wasn’t sure how you’d managed to get under his skin, but he found himself wondering how it would feel to hold you, to kiss you...to have you.

When Loki refused to let you up, your heart began to race at the implications. Was he interested in you? Or just being mischievous because you had accidentally climbed into his bed? Either way, the proximity to his bare skin had you shaking; it wouldn’t take much for you to give in to his request.

“I’d like for you to stay,” he whispered, before he’d turned your face toward him.

When his lips found yours in a gentle kiss, your reticence flew out the window.

Yes, that did it.

[isthisthingeven0n]

broken hearts heal : s.r

you return to the bau after two years alongside emily for an unsolved case having resurfaced, but there is still something lingering between you and spencer, even after all this time. (2k) 

so originally this was kinda inspired by the song ‘lookalike’ by conan gray because heartbreak and all, but it ended up as this beauty. i hope you like it!

m y  e t s y  s h o p

also pls don’t steal my work or share it without crediting, it takes a lot of time and effort to write these!

“So, when was the last time you saw him?” Emily asks as you sit quietly beside her in the passenger seat, watching the familiar scenes of your old drive to the Bureau.

Tearing your eyes from the windowless buildings and fencing, you quickly clear your throat knowing the answer without having to think. “The night before I left the states.” You answer quietly, even though it’s been two years, the thought of seeing him again worries you.

“It’ll be fine, Y/n.” Emily rests her hand on yours, squeezing it lightly. “They’re our friends, and based on how much we’ve heard from Penelope, they clearly miss us too.” Emily chuckles as she brakes softly at the gates, showing her ID as do you.

Watching the gates open, you can clearly remember the day you left. You drove out of the parking lot for the last time, Spencer hovering by the parking lot entrance as you forced yourself to not look back. And you didn’t, breaking Spencer’s heart in return.

“Yeah, I know.” You breathe out a shaky sigh, rubbing your hands over your trousers. “Two years is a long time to be gone, you know.” Your comment, causing Emily to laugh for a moment.

“No kidding.” She mutters as she climbs out from the car as you both walk towards the entrance to the building and press the button to the BAU like you’d never been gone.

*

“There’s no way we’re going to be able to piece this all together.” Morgan huffs as he and Spencer stand over all of the evidence they found three years ago when the case first began.

JJ walks in, interrupting Spencer’s deep thoughts as his eyes scan over the photos, various reports and their original profile of the unsub. “Hotch thought it’d be best to get in some extra help on the case,” JJ states and Spencer’s ears perk up. “so, I made some calls and well,”

“Emily, Y/n!” Penelope sings happily as you walk out from the elevator, not even making it into the bullpen before you’re engulfed in a tight hug.

Spencer’s body tenses upon hearing Garcia. You’re here. In Quantico, in the bureau, in the United States.

JJ and Morgan exchange a knowing look as she steps out, leaving Spencer a moment with Morgan. “It’ll be fine, pretty boy,” Morgan tells Spencer who snaps from his daze. “It’s just Emily and Y/n.”

“I know,” Spencer mumbles, but it’s not just that, it’s never been just that.

“If it isn’t my favourite Mother and Agent, JJ.” You chuckle, a sound Spencer has longed to hear since you left as he steps out from the conference room, his hands in his pockets like a shy teenager as you and Emily greet everyone.

Emily is the first to catch Spencer’s gaze, the tiredness in his eyes as prominent as ever. But that isn’t what caught Emily’s eyes in the first place, it’s the lovesick look written across his face as you stand with your back turned to him, oblivious to his presence.

“Hey, Spencer,” Emily speaks up, causing your voice to falter as JJ and Morgan both glance over your shoulder as you pause. “how have you been?”

“Good.” Spencer forces a small smile to Emily. “How’s London?”

Shrugging her shoulders, Emily chuckles. “Cold, pretty damp most of the time, but it’s good to have an old friend with me.” She motions to you, stepping aside as you turn around to face Spencer for the first time since that rainy day two years ago.

Locking eyes with Spencer’s, you can see so many changes in him as you subconsciously scan over his face. He’s looking more sleep deprived, but those crows feet around his eyes make your heart melt. His hair’s longer than you remembered it being, his curls bouncing across his forehead as a smile ghosts his lips.

“Hey, Y/n.” Spencer is the first to speak up, and for a moment you forget the team is around you as Emily motions for them to all move into the conference room, giving you both a moment in private.

“Hi Spence.” Your voice is soft, delicate even and Spencer tries his best to remain composed.

He wants to tell you that he’s missed your voice, he’s missed the evenings you would spend together outside of work. He wishes he could take it all back, tell you the truth instead of a misconstrued lie to help you when in fact all it did was hurt you.

“It’s kinda strange, being back.” You add, looking around as you keep your hands hidden in your pockets, something you did when you were uncomfortable as Spencer remembered, there’s not a detail about you he could ever forget. “Not much has changed, clearly.” A forced laugh leaves your lips as you look back at Spencer.

“They replaced the filing cabinets in the storage room, and Garcia got a few new monitors last year.” Spencer explains, finishing with a curt nod as silence looms over you both like a thick fog.

“God it’s painful to watch.” Emily seethes from inside the conference room as JJ stands beside her, her arms crossed over her chest. “They used to be so happy together.”

JJ sighs as Spencer rolls on the balls of his feet. “Did Y/n ever tell you about what happened the day she left?”

Emily shakes her head. “Do you?”

“Like Spence would tell anyone.” JJ scoffs lightly, turning around as Hotch calls them both before stepping out, saving you both from anymore attempted interactions outside of the case.

*

You had been working on the case for almost a week with no new leads despite three bodies having surfaced from the unsub. It was draining and infuriating that you were no closer now than you were three years ago.

“Come on, what is different, why has he come back after three years?” You think aloud, looking around the room as all eyes remain cast down, except Spencer’s.

“Clearly there’s been a trigger, a special date or anniversary to the unsub. We know he killed Victoria Ellis on the ninth of June,” Spencer states, but you sigh quietly.

“It doesn’t match up, Spencer.” You cut him off abruptly, catching the rest of the team off guard, Spencer included as he closes his mouth, his heart sinking as you mutter an apology.

“Okay, Prentiss, you and Y/L/N go to the newest crime scene, Reid and Rossi visit Killian Harron's family, see if they know anything about a new person in his life. The rest of us will stay here, whilst Garcia works through old reports when the case first started.” Hotch announces, and you cannot stand up fast enough and exit the room.

As you stand by the elevator, Emily walks out. “What was that about?” She asks, holding her arms up as you roll your eyes. “Don’t start acting like a kid, Y/n. It’s not a good look on you.”

“I didn’t mean to snap at him.” You admit as the doors to the elevator open and you both walk in. “It’s just, whenever I look at him all I can think about are his last words to me.”

Emily pats your shoulder as a weak smile forms on your lips. “Why haven’t you ever told me about what happened that night?” Emily questions quietly as the metal doors slide open, and you step forward, shrugging her hand off your shoulder. 

“Because it still hurts to think about it.” You comment, exiting the bureau and opening the door to the SUV, slamming it shut.

*

After almost a month, you find him. You found the unsub after almost sixteen murders across the country, each more brutal and violent than the last over the course of three years, it was over. 

Sitting in the bullpen you carried on writing the last of your paperwork, knowing you were cutting it fine before you had to go to the airport.

“Are you sure you can’t stay just another day?” Penelope pleads as she stands by your side, her hands bound together.

A light laugh leaves your lips as you close the last of your files. “I wish we could Pen, but I’ve got to get home.”

Home. The word pangs through Spencer, causing his heart to ache as you’ve moved on, moved elsewhere to a new place with a new job, somewhere he isn’t.

“I’ll call you as soon as I land though.” You tell her, bringing her into a tight hug.

“Oh fine, and tell Grant I said hi.” Penelope adds as you finish saying your goodbyes to the rest of the team, leaving Spencer until last.

Spencer rises to his feet as he walks towards you. “Mind if I walk you out?” He asks quietly.

“Sure.” You nod, walking alongside him as you wave to the rest of the team, leaving Emily to finish her goodbyes.

Once out of sight, Emily sighs heavily. “God, she’s going to break his heart.” She admits, and Penelope nods in agreement as a sad smile forms on her lips, knowing when their resident genius returns, he will never be the same.

Walking slowly with Spencer, you reach the spot where you said your last goodbye, convinced you’d never see him again. Yet, here you are, doing it all over.

“Thanks for walking me out, Spence.” You tell him quietly as you bury your hands in your jumper, a cold chill in the air as the breeze picks up, blowing Spencer’s curls to one side.

“I just wanted to say this in private, Y/n.” Spencer smiles sweetly to you, his hand reaching out as he brushes your hair out of your face, watching your eyes close at his warm touch. “What I said that night, I’m sorry. I’ll never forgive myself for that, for letting you leave and not trying to make amends.” Spencer explains, but you shake your head.

His hand remains on your cheek, and you lift your hand up, resting it on top of his as you hold back tears. “Spence, you don’t have to, it’s okay.” You try to reassure him, but Spencer remains adamant, he has to tell you this.

“Y/n, I, I’ll always love you. I always have done and I always will. I, I was such an idiot for not saying it sooner. I know the feeling of falling in love is just a chemical mix of norepinephrine, dopamine and phenylethylamine, but with you, I don’t care!” He gleefully laughs as a tear slips from your eyes, burying themselves inside his palm.

“Spence, please,” You quietly cry.

“Just please, Y/n. Don’t leave me again. I want to be selfish for just once in my life. I, I’ll move to London just, please,” His voice becomes quieter as your other hand reaches up and that’s when his eyes lock on it, the small diamond ring.

“I’m sorry, Spence.” You whisper as his hand drops from your cheek, the cold air now attacking the remainder of the warmth on your skin, tearing the soft moment away before you can savour it. “It’s too late.” You step away as Spencer stares in disbelief, his lips parting, but no words follow. “You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Spencer, but I couldn’t wait forever.”

“I understand,” Spencer whispers as he tucks his hair behind his ear, trying to distract himself to remain composed in front of you. “I hope you’re happy with him, Y/n, truly.” He tries to hide the pain in his tone, but to you, it’s never been more obvious.

“Thank you, Spencer.” You tell him as you wipe your eyes. “I know you’ll find someone one day, and they’re out there for you, I promise.” You extend your hand in front of his, hoping he’d at least shake your hand after all this time.

But Spencer pats your hand away, bringing you into a tight hug as tears fall down his cheeks whilst your back is turned, but you can hear how fast his heart is beating. “Goodbye, Y/n.” Spencer breathes out into your hair before pulling away.

“Goodbye, Spence.” You chuckle as a watery smile lines your lips as you walk away towards the car, just like you did two years ago.

Opening the car door, you release a quiet sob as Emily brings you into a tight hug. “It’s okay, Y/n.” Emily soothes you as you sit upright. “You finally got the goodbye you both deserved.” She reminds you as she starts the car up.

“Yeah,” You nod in response as you glance through the side mirror, seeing Spencer still stood there as he wipes his eyes before you disappear out of sight once again, knowing things will never be the same. “that’s what hurts the most.” You force yourself not to look back, and as a result breaking Spencer’s heart completely for the last time. 

“The saddest thing about love is that not only that it cannot last forever, but that heartbreak is soon forgotten.” - William Faulkner. 

[olivetheonlinemother]

Hitoshi Shinso part 1

𝐻𝑒𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒! 𝐻𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑛𝑒! 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑤𝑜 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑘𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑠!

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥 𝕠𝕗: 𝟚𝟘𝟟𝟛 / 𝟚𝕜

♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫

Finally, break. I sat down on a bench nearby my office, my hot steaming coffee in one hand, the other holding some taiyaki, which was warmed.

I took a bite of my taiyaki, enjoying it as I began chewing. I had about 7 minutes left already so I had to eat quickly, taking sips of my coffee from time to time.

When I had about 3 minutes left of break I had drank all my coffee and my taiyaki was all eaten, so I decided to quickly head to the break room to refill my coffee since I didn't have any taiyaki left so there was no point in trying to get more of that. Luckily though, the break room had a coffee machine, so that’s where I decided to go.

After walking down the halls of the hero agency I worked at, I found the door with the sign that read: ‘Break room’ and by now I had to be quick, with only 2 minutes left until I needed to be back in my office so I opened the door and quickly went over to the coffee machine.

The machine had been a little dirty and any other day when I wasn't in a hurry, I would quickly clean it but there wasn't nearly enough time for that.

I quickly made my coffee, putting in my desired amount of cream and sugar into it before quickly putting the lid on and turning around and dashing off, although I didn't get far as someone bumped into me, causing me to trip.

I, of course, was completely pissed off and turned over to see who had tripped me and hadn't even bothered to apologize or help me up.

Who I looked up to see was a man with violet hair that stuck up, and he had dark purple eyes to match his hair, he was also in some not very professional wear, not to mention this weird, almost mechanical looking mask, it appeared almost like he was wearing some sort of hero costume, although I doubt that he was a hero looking like that, he gave more of a hobo look then a hero.

“Is there a problem?” the man gruffed in a low tone, and it also sounded slightly irritated, his face deadpanning as he stared at me on the floor.

“Yea there's a problem! You shoved me over and acted like it didn't happen!” I snarled at him, attempting to contain my teeth from my quirk to appear.

I got onto my feet and wiped the dust off my clothes as the man just stared at me “And? It's not my problem, maybe you should have been looking.” he replied calmly but also in a strict tone, which only pissed me off more. By now I knew I wasn't going to make it back before my break was done.

“Well at least apologize or something! I’m already gonna be late to get back to my office because of some hobo with an attitude, I have respect for homeless people who aren't all attitude-filled.” I shot back at him, picking up my coffee that somehow managed to not spill, and then turned to face him one final time, before turning on my heel and began going back to my office.

The man seemed to be following me, which was concerning but I continued until I turned quickly into my office and the man walked past it, glancing at the door for a second which unfortunately had my profession and name on it, which meant now he knew my name, which is what truly concerned me.

About 10 minutes later the man was slowly starting to leave my mind when a coworker knocked on my door to which I allowed them in.

“Yes, Eri?” I asked the teen with extremely lightly colored blue hair and little horn on the side of her head and crimson red eyes.

Eri was a trainee coming over for her hero work studies from UA, she apparently knew the head of this agency, her quirk and backstory was an interesting one too.

Eri looked up at me slightly “The boss wants to speak with you” she said quietly, but I was able to hear her, but the words were enough to make me falter in my professional standing in pure fear.

The boss was someone to only call employees if they were in trouble or they did something wrong, and I know I was late to get back, but usually, they don’t get upset about something like that, so why did they need to see me?

As millions of thoughts clouded my thoughts I felt Eri poke my shoulder “Miss? Are you okay..?” Which was enough to pull me out of my thoughts

“Y-yes of course! I'm fine Eri, thank you for telling me, I’ll be right there.” I said, composing myself once again.

Eri nodded and left, and I soon left as well and shut my door, then headed up the stairs to the boss’s office, on the door it read: ‘Hitoshi Shinso <Puppeteer>’ which was the name of the hero that runs this agency.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door, too which it opens, and suddenly, my stomach dropped, my mind was going crazy. Shitshitshitshitshit! That was all I could think.

There in front of me was the same man I had seen before, and he just stared at me, as he slowly backed away to let me in.

I slowly entered his office, it looked like a normal office, with a black fluffy rug under his desk and a black couch with yellow pillows.

He went over to the desk and sat down, then gestured to the seat in front of his desk, while I of course didn't hesitate and walked over onto the rug and sat on the chair.

“So… would you like to make an assumption as to why you’re here…?” He asked in a calm and almost amused tone, his face twisting into a slight smirk. I slowly shook my head “No sir, I think I’m well aware as to why I’m here” I replied, trying to hide the worry in my voice.

Mr.Shinso only chuckled “Then please, tell me why you think you’re here.. And I’ll tell you if you’re right or wrong” he hummed out smoothly, making me much more worried by how calm he was.

I let out an audible sigh and nodded “I was disrespecting you, sir..” I said, looking down in my own shame, only for him to tsk at me.

“Wrong.” He said, still smirking “Now look at me.” He said, snapping his fingers and making me immediately listen and shoot my head up to be even with him, well other than me being slightly shorter.

“Well then why did you call me sir..?” I asked meekly, while he just chuckled at me some more. “I called you here because of yes, what happened in the break room but not to give any trouble to you, in fact, I’d like to commend you for the fact that you stood up to yourself. Most in this agency just let me push them around, but you… you’re different as you stood up for yourself, lecturing me which was certainly appropriate. Although for next time, please refrain from referring me as a homeless person.” He explained to me, as I blunk there in confusion.

I just sat there dumbfounded, my hands on my lap, that was until he cleared his throat “You mean it?” I confirmed, tilting my head which made him nod “And to apologize for my rudeness maybe I could let you off work early and we could go eat someplace?” He asked, hiding his face behind his mask slightly and I had a pretty good idea on why.

“Is this your attempt at asking me out sir?” I giggled a bit, while his eyes slightly widened “What if it is? Are you judging me?” He retorted while I could only smile back “No no, just simply questioning” I hummed while he smirked more and pulled his head away from the mask, revealing a light blush dusting his cheeks.

“Then it’s a date, see you when?” I asked when I realized he was packing his stuff up. “Now if that works for you and you aren’t in the middle of something too important.” He said, glancing at me as he placed different files into his bag.

“W-Well yea I don’t have that many important things coming up-” I was cut short by him grabbing my arms and dragging me out of his office “Good, go to your office and pack up for the day then we can leave.” He said, giving me a side glare.

It’s like he just flipped a switch and went to the cold person I met in the break room, except for this gentle softness I now saw in his face.

I did as he told me to and went over to my office and grabbed all my stuff, placing it in my own bag, and then walked out where he was waiting by the exit of the building.

I quickly went over, although I struggled as I had heels on.

Once I was in front of him, he nodded and began walking out with me following him.

After walking for a bit we arrived at a restaurant, it looked decently pricey too, so I glanced at my boss “Isn’t this a bit… much?” I asked, to which he only shrugged “You’re a colleague, and this isn’t much of a problem to me money-wise anyway.” he explained, patting my shoulder.

I took that as an okay to start going inside, and I seemed to be right as he followed me inside and went to the front and he switched places with me and was now in front.

“I’m here for my reservation.” He said in a calm and collected tone, the waitress nodding and asking for his ID to which he complied and pulled out for her.

Once seated, he began some small talk. “I was looking through your files.. And your quirk is called Neko, correct?” He asked, which was slightly concerning but I nodded “yes, it allows me to either turn into a cat or grow certain attributes of one, such as ears or a tail” I explained, making him nod “I see.. Do you use it often?” He asked, just as the waiter came and asked for our orders.

After quickly ordering I responded to his question “No, I don’t really have reason to sir” I explained smiling a bit, making him nod “Hm.. formalities are not needed, Shinso will do just fine.” he nodded, making me smile a bit.

“A-Alright Shinso!” I said, the name rolling off my tongue smoothly as the blush on his face soon came to slowly flutter back, while I just giggled at him.

“So, you’re a pro hero?” I asked, once our food had arrived, and he nodded “mhm, underground one though so I’m not as well known.” He said just in a tired tone, so I decided to get him slightly interested.

“Y’know if you weren’t underground I bet you’d be popular with those looks of yours, that is if you at least tried putting a brush through that hair of yours” I giggled, while I saw the blush on his face grow.

“What do you mean by ‘tried’? Are you implying that I can’t brush my hair due to how messy it is?” He said, staring me right down as if he were trying to intimidate me. It didn’t work though as I continued giggling.

“Maybe, maybe not~” I hummed, eating some of my food while Shinso grinned again. “We’ll have to see won’t we miss [L/n]?” he smirked, challenging me to something but what?

“Sure, but what’re you placing down?” I asked, making Shinsou smirk “If I can get a brush through my hair and style it tomorrow, you’ll work as one of my assistants, meaning moving in with me as well, if you win, however, and I’m unable to, ill allow you to run the agency for 24 hours exact.” He said emphasizing the ‘t’ in ‘exact’.

“Must be pretty bold to put conditions down like those, but I’m not objecting” I hummed, smirking at him

“We shall see who wins Miss [L/n]”

[rose-like-the-phoenix]

Passcode (Burt x Gunther platonic partners)

(As they're my two favorite characters this is mostly self indulgent lol) You can read my other iswm fanfiction here

(Gunther's pov)

*sigh* this is boring. Just standing around waiting for something to happen, not to mention my partner is busy. Burt is fixing the reacter, so yeah big important thing. Yes I'm with burt, no the others do not know. I smiled remembering how it all went down. I was hanging out at burt's station and suddenly burt went "do you like me?" I stared at him for a hot second "why do you ask?" I replied awkwardly, "because you seem to hang around me a lot more than the other's" he answered. After that things sorta just advanced,

all at once I was brought back to reality when the computer system started blaring "oxygen offline in reacter core" repeatedly, an explosion followed closely after. Mark, Celci and the captain took off towards the urgent matter and I followed "ugh, the door is locked with some code" Celci exclaimed, "do ether of you know what it is?" She added. Mark and the captain looked at each other and shook their heads "burt is the only authorized one that can open this door at this time due to the reacter having issues, it was meant to be a safety precaution" Mark explained, much to Cece's annoyance. I might be able to help here, I remember something burt told me about the four digit code

I started towards the door "and what do you think you're doing?" Celci exclaimed, grabbing my arm. "The first is the captain" I said, jerking away from her. "What?" She said, looking at the other two. "The second is lead of cryo, third is personal and the fourth is yours" I spoke as I entered the pincode, the ID badge numbers in the order listed. "Access approved by Gunther B, gunner" the computer announced. "How did you do that?" Celci asked confused. "No time to explain, we got bigger problems" the captain explained, swiftly entering the room.

Mark, Celci and myself followed suit. "Oh no" I exclaimed, rushing over to an unconscious burt laying on his back. I gently ran a hand through his short brown curly hair "Don't go, stay with me" I whispered. "He needs to go to medbay stat" the captain ordered. Some of the medbay crew came in and took burt away

"Come on gunner, give it a break and get some rest" Mark said. I've been pacing outside our medical facility for almost two hours now "I can't rest, not until I know he's okay" I replied, tears threatening to spill as my concern only grew. Finally I broke "you don't get it" I exclaimed, doubling over and smacking myself in the head as Mark tried putting his hand on my shoulder. "Just take a deep breath" he instructed. I stood straight and did as he asked "Now, tell me what would I not understand" he said. "Have you ever met someone and thought that's who I want to be with?" I asked. Mark nodded "that's what burt is to me" I explained, still losing my goddammed mind. Mark remained silent for what felt like eternity but finally placed a arm around me "if anything happens I'll personally make sure you'll be the first to know" he smiled. "Thank you" I replied, hugging the engineer and finally persuading myself to get some sleep.

Whenever I woke up, I immediately headed for the medbay to check on burt. I placed my hand on the screen and the door slowly slid open, I took a deep breath and tried to swallow the nervous lump in my throat as I entered "Gunther?" A familiar voice called. "Burt? Are you okay?" I asked, as one of the medics moved out of my way. "I'll survive" he sniffed. He took hold of my hand and started rubbing gentle circles with his thumb, I buried my face in his chest as I lost my composer, it somewhat claimed me to hear burt began to speak "Heh, it's alright. After all, you can doubt thou the stars are fire; doubt the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a lier: but never doubt I love"

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

ooo if youre willing you could maybe write about the first kiss or first confession or both (pardon my greedy self) either is fine id love to see more moriarty x reader. THANK YOUU

Im sorry the waiting! Albert's part will be on another publication as it didn't fit inside this one

William

The music and the chatter of the nobles was obnoxious at best and the ship moved a bit too much to your liking

" Could you remind me why we are acting as a couple for this mission? As far as I remember moneypenny could act this part flawlessly and I could be staying home today" you questioned williams while still hooked to his arm

" Miss Moneypenny is a busy person, she isn't available all the time. You on the other hand…" williams didn't seem like he thought too much about your question, mesmerized by the stairs

" Williams james moriarty,Are you suggesting I do nothing all day long?!" You whisper-yelled at him. You weren't in a great mood that day. first, moran dirtied the dress you wanted to use and had to do some needle work with another dress for it to look good enough, but then louis had tripped and spilled tea in the dress you just fixed and had to go buy another dress at last minute with the only person available, williams who seemed specially picky about the dress

" You know that isn't what I wanted to say, why don't you go for a drink?" Williams suggested, hoping the walk would calm you down and you left looking like you were ready to bite someone's head off if they talked to you.

" He is a mathematician"

By the time you reached the table you couldn't hear them anymore but you could see them, the boy seemed like the type to show off often but over all he looked like a good boy. What stung your heart a little were the pretty girls who were by them, even if your relationship was only for this case your crush for Williams was true. When you thought of him falling in love with you it seemed impossible but when you were changed by one of the girls it seemed more likely that you wanted to admit.

" Well, he should get a girlfriend and see if I care" you started drinking from the champagne glasses the waiters were giving ' where did he find such a pretty ring? I know he wants to make this look real but this seems like a bit too much, how much did it cost even?' You thought while looking at the ring in your left hand, a red diamond in a gold band. After finishing one glass of champagne you left it on a tray and grabbed another two.

You were making your way to williams' side " Liam, I brought some champagne, do you want?" You already were extending your arm to give it to him " could you introduce me to your acquaintance here?"

" He is a detecti-" williams said but was cut

" You can call me sherlock young lady~" sherlock introduced himself holding your hand and kissing it and smiling " a single detective who may be looking for a roommate"

"Hahaha, for now I'm an engaged woman" you let go of his hand and got closer to fix his tie"but ask me again and I might say yes, darling"

Williams stepped in separating Sherlock from you " Well detective, I shall also try analyzing you" Williams said bringing a hand to his chin " you look like you play violin, but not necessarily a musician. You seem to be in a good physical state and... prefer hand to hand combat " he stepped ahead to inspect him closer " additionally you conduct science experiment but hate your own drug dependence" williams stared at his eyes before continuing " obviously a graduate from Oxbridge and, by the way you talk as if you know everything, you must be really proud of your background, mother specially"

" How did you know?" Sherlock kept looking in his eyes smiling coyly

"Isn't it obvious?" Shot back williams half smiling then he turned to you " why don't we go for some fresh air? Love " williams wrapped his arms around your waist and almost dragging you outside

"That wasn't necessary, williams" you fixed your skirt " what did you want to talk about?"

" I calculate in 15 minutes the main character will do his kill. As soon as I notify you go look for moran and fred and wait for the body to be thrown , did I make myself clear? You know where they are?" William fixed a hair behind your ear

" Yes, williams" you rested against a wall " but there is still some time, why did you have to whisk me away,I was having fun"

" We are married, those types of comments shouldn't be made in public or in any case should be directed to me" he stood by your side while looking at the moon

" Cut me some slack, he would have taken it as a joke so no harm was made! Plus this marriage isn't going to last longer than this trip" you sighed

Williams looked at you " this trip?"

"As soon as we finish this mission we won't be a pair 'help me kill this noble' you said' you toyed with the ring

" Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. We are married for this case, and the next, and the following, to the end of this year and the next and the following years" he propped on his arm " did I explain myself correctly this time"

" You can't just decide that by yourself "

" But you are in love with me, I didn't think you would have anything against the arrangement. Plus in your diary you didn't seem too disgusted by the idea"

You jumped " you read my diary?!"

Williams laughed softly " not really, I was just theorizing but it seems like I was right" your face felt hot " so? Are you going to accept my proposal this time"

" No" you said sharply

" Do you think i don't like you?"

"Mhn"

"I really like you."

" Yeah, sure" you turned around and entered the ship but he grabbed you by the wrist and kept you close

" I love you. I truly do, from your dreamy eyes in the morning, to your stupid mannerisms when you are nervous or I get too close, how you always make a point to help the others when they are in need." Williams seemed really composed and confident in himself when he started but as he went on his voice slightly cracked.

Williams pressed your foreheads together and you kissed him wrapping your arms around his neck. For a second he didn't know how to answer the unexpected kiss but he grabbed your head to deepen the kiss. After you two had to stop kissing you were trying to catch your breath while looking at each other

" Yo, lovebirds, are you done? The main character already went to his room with the dude"

You almost killed moran that night

louis

"Letter for miss YN" the lady's handmaid stood by her side handing a little envelope closed with a crimson wax seal

"I'm busy right now, put in on the desk"

" You told me to notice you in case of a letter arriving from the moriarty house" YN turned her neck so fast lily feared she would have whiplash "but it seems you are too busy now, i will have to set it aside-"

" Give me!" YN practically jumped over the maid but she dodged the lady " who sent it? What does it say?"

The older woman giggled and turned around" now I don't want to tell you!"

" Lily, you are mean! At least tell me what it says"

The short woman read the letter, it was short and straightforward. "It seems the duke Moriarty has asked for your presence at his manor, the reason is simply put as 'an old business we left unfinished."

" Lily pack your things up, we are going to stay for sometime time"

" As you wish"

And some hours later the two women had each one two suitcases and were ready to board the carriage that was decorated with the noble's family emblem.

" Milady I will have to stop at one business before going to the manor" despite the young lady disliking the formal way of talking towards her she brushed it aside given that the coachman could hear the maid talk in an 'improper' way that could bring her troubles

" You are stopping by the dressmaker?"

" Indeed, I might need a few favors that she owes me"

" Should I send the carriage for you before tea or after?"

"There will be no need, I am going to return on my own accord"

The rest of the trip was dead silent, either of them wished to speak nor needed to, as they understood each other without the need to break the beautiful silence that surrounded them.

They arrived at the first stop, a dirty corner where there are a lot of signs, ones promoting hair medicine, others for brothels and some others about the ale that came to the nearest bar. That lily insisted on coming was making her go crazy

" Are you sure you need to do this now? We could go tomorrow morning at broad daylight" Lily didn't even listen to her Lady's complains as she dragged her skirts out of the carriage and grabbed her baggage

" Madam, I was raised here, nothing bad will happen. Don't worry" her smile and voice was comforting to certain point but it didn't ease the belief that she was lying to calm the younger woman down a little

" Please take care. I'll meet you at the moriarty state"

And so the trip began again and she let herself daydream. wondering why did the moriarty call for her presence, the ways she helped them didn't call for her to be near, did someone catch them and needed to run away? Or to fake one of their deaths? The possibilities worried her to the point of neglecting the reality.

It was a few minutes before the clock striked eleven that the coachman snapped YN out of her trance.

" We arrived" the old man didn't meet her eyes as he announced the end of the trip

" Thank you very much, sir" YN rushed to thank the old man before taking her suitcase and carry the leathery case to the main door

Letting the leather of her suitcase hit the ground she sighed and leaned back looking at the lion knocker and knocking twice. After a few minutes she was getting impatient and took the key from the envelope, good thing they sent a replicate.

Stepping inside and leaving her baggage by the door YN wondered inside the house, the card told her to settle down and choose one room by her own of there was nobody there

" Hello? Albert? Louis? Williams? Is anybody home?" And turning one corner you could see a beautiful flight of stairs

" Oh miss? I didn't know you would be coming" louis was standing on top of the stairway rest with a broom

" I received a letter asking for me to stay for a time" she looked around, wondering if they were alone" Your brothers?"

" They went to arrange the new show, another homicide noble. As always" louis resumed his work cleaning the stairs " please make yourself home and choose a room, all the guest rooms in the left hallway are clean and weren't chosen by anyone yet"

Yn stood at the bottom of the stairs "They left you to clean all of this alone? They are so mean."walking up the stairs to louis and taking the broom out of his hands she smiled at him "You know what? Lily has to arrange some things so let me help you clean"

" You don't really have to, i can take care of this" louis tried to take the broom from your hands but YN hugged it closer to her chest

" It wasn't a proposal. It was a fact" and she turned around leaving her back facing louis

Louis looked incredulous that YN would be so childish given her usual proper behavior " YN I have to clean. Can I-" and he tried to take it away from from her but she hit them away

" No!" And she skipped the steps from the stairway rest to the second floor " catch me if you can~" the woman teased him in a singsong voice before starting running.

Louis was astonished for a second before he began chasing after her " miss! I really want to end the stairs before dinner"

The chase didn't last long as the lady tripped with the red carpet and fell over a sofa. Louis knelt down next to her

" Are you going to give me the broom now? As much as I love you and this game of cat and mouse I have to finish cleaning the stairs. So give it to me"

The young woman weighed her options before smiling devilishly " Let's trade!" And she sat while keeping the broom close to her " One kiss and i return your broom"

Louis sat down and sighed defeated " you truly aren't going to give. up are you?" He was met with a little denial sound

" It isn't as if this was the first time we did it"

" One kiss and you will let me keep doing my job?"

" Yes"

Given the positive he wanted louis got near and grabbed her cheeks. After looking in her expectant eyes, Louis felt his face getting hotter the closer he got. It wasn't until YN could feel his breath on her soft skin that she feared he would pass out from embarrassment.

What seemed like minutes passed by and either of them moved, he was too mesmerized by her and she was taken by the look in his eyes. A few more seconds elapsed before YN started getting impatient leading to her to take the lead, grabbing both of his cheeks and guiding his face to her own.

Her lips brushed against his, softly and slowly before 'changing her mind' and returning to her place, teasingly looking up at him through her eyelashes, waiting for Louis to deepen the kiss. thing that didn't work out the planned way and ended up with louis hitting both of their noses. Louis almost died of embarrassment there

" If you didn't want to kiss just say so" she teased while playing with a lock of her hair, her nose slightly red

" It has been a while since we kissed" louis turned his head so yn couldn't see his blush " I am not accustomed to it"

" Then we should make you get used to it-" Louis was looking like an expectant dog, waiting for the kiss. " Later. I'm going to choose a room right now" and YN walked towards the stairs to go down

" YN" louis called out her name. The woman turned around. This time, Louis grabbed her head and kissed her, way rougher and sloppy than the first one but a kiss at the end.

One of her hands ended on his hair, lightly playing with it, with the other one on his chin, helping him position his head correctly. The kiss was inexperienced and messy but it was their reunion kiss, the first one in two years, filled with joy and relief of finally being together at last

When the kiss ended louis was out of breath and his hair looked a bit unkempt, even when he could barely talk he asked her

" Are you going to leave me again?"

" Louis" YN's eyes were filled with love " i don't plan on going anywhere soon" and she hugged him

He returned the hug with his arms around her hips " good, i wasn't planning on letting you go anywhere either way"

[thekidultlife]

Afterglow | TROS Spinoff Part 3 | Yoon Jeonghan

Author’s Note: This is the third (and last) part of the Yoon Jeonghan spinoff. Honestly, I did not know that I would take the story to this third part, but my characters went this direction and I have to follow them to see how this would all end. If you want to read this story from the very beginning, please check out the links below! I highly recommend it. 

Genre: Fluff, angst, smut (All the emotions, I guess?) 

 Word Count: 5,792

Jeonghan’s eyes took in the sunny morning that greeted him in the kitchen. Contrasting with the golden rays of sunlight that gleamed at the polished countertops, the pale blue hues of the room calmed his racing mind and soothed his senses. His one hand ran across the huge dining table, and he smiled at the three plates that Jae Eun had set down on the side that wasn’t filled with unopened presents from the birthday party two nights ago. 

“Appa!” Jae Eun called out from the stove in a sing-song voice. She looked extremely happy. Her dark, wavy hair was still mussed up with sleep and her apron was tied in the cute, clumsy knot that adorable four-year-olds are famous for. “Please please please help me flip the pancakes!” 

It was just almost seven in the morning, but Jae Eun looked like she had been up for hours. Jeonghan chuckled and went over to his daughter, who was standing up on a stool again, holding a spatula, and looking very much like Jeonghan when he was her age. He smiled even more when he took note of the burning smell. “Okay. Appa will help you.” Jeonghan took the spatula from Jae Eun’s hands and held her close to him as he flipped the pancakes. “Who taught you how to make pancakes?”

“Eomma did. She said I’m bright so I can do it by myself.” The confidence in Jae Eun’s voice made Jeonghan kiss her on the cheek. 

“Of course you’re bright! Yoon Jae Eun, whose baby are you?” Jeonghan gently kissed the top of Jae Eun’s hair. Ah, mornings like these…

Jae Eun giggled and smiled at her dad, her eyes shining. She stood on tiptoes and whispered adoringly, “Yoon Jeonghan’s! Yoon Jeonghan, whose Appa are you?” 

Jeonghan almost felt like bursting with happiness when Jae Eun said her part of the ritual. It made his morning even more dreamlike and happy. He kissed her nose and said softly, “Yoon Jae Eun’s!”

Jae Eun beamed up at her dad, delight making her face look even more beautiful. Then she began to dictate instructions to Jeonghan as to how not to burn the pancakes which was already burned a little. Jeonghan laughed as she tried to flip the pancakes by herself, succeeding after a lot of cute tries. Then he set her down on her feet so she could put the syrup bottles on the dining table. Jeonghan deftly put the pancakes on a platter and placed it next to the syrup bottles. Then he carried Jae Eun to her chair so she could start eating, promising to be back after he called you over for breakfast. 

“Eomma’s shirt is nice on you, Appa,” Jae Eun innocently commented, her eyes wondering. “But did you lose your clothes?”

“Oh, no,” Jeonghan said quickly, trying not to blush in front of his own four-year-old daughter. He looked at the shirt he was wearing, which was actually his shirt back in the days of your short-lived marriage. He looked back at Jae Eun and smiled. “Actually, this is Appa’s. Your Eomma forgot to return it to me when she borrowed it. That’s why it’s nice on me.”

“And the pajamas? Are those yours, too?” Jae Eun asked curiously, a tiny hand about to reach for the syrup. 

Jeonghan’s face went really red this time, but he nodded playfully. “Yes. This pajama is also Appa’s.” 

“Wow, Eomma has a lot of your things, Appa!” Jae Eun placed a pancake on her plate and began eating. “Tell her to give it back to you! It’s not nice to keep things that aren’t yours.” 

Jeonghan grinned at Jae Eun and nodded again. “You’re right. I will definitely tell Eomma. Now let me go get her to eat breakfast with us.”

“Come back soon!!!” Jae Eun playfully sang out as she ate her share of the pancakes. 

Jeonghan chuckled to himself softly as he padded back to the hallway leading to your bedroom. He opened the door to find you still in bed, half-dressed, your hair a messy tangle, your face…radiant, glowing, beautiful. For the nth time that morning, Jeonghan pulled your face close and kissed your still-swollen lips. 

“Mmm,” you murmured, smiling between kisses, “miss me that much already?”

Jeonghan laughed again and kissed you over and over, tenderly. “Yes,” he said. “I missed you this much already.”

You pulled him close. “I missed you, too,” you said softly, “but first…” you pulled away from him and picked up your phone. You unlocked it and waved the dial screen at Jeonghan’s face. “What was Angelo telling me about you, Jeonghan?” You studied Jeonghan’s face carefully. “Did you really go to to XYZ Publishing yesterday?”

Jeonghan could almost swear that his morning felt a tad shade darker when he saw Angelo’s caller ID on your phone, but he just pulled your hand that was holding the phone down to his chest. “Do you love me?”

“You wouldn’t be sitting on my bed and kissing me if I don’t,” you said tartly. “But what was he saying sorry for?”

“Oh,” Jeonghan said calmly. Suddenly, his morning brightened up a notch from the darker shade that Angelo had clouded it with. “He must have assumed that I had told you how much of a bastard he was. But I left that part out for you to hear from him about personally.” When he saw that you looked worried, Jeonghan kissed you again. “Let him tell you. After all,” he pulled away playfully from your hands and inched away from you, “he’s your boyfriend, remember?”

“Stop it,” you hissed, seeing the sly look on Jeonghan’s face. “Listen to this.” You pressed the voice message and you simmered in mock anger as you saw Jeonghan’s slow smile spread on his mouth. “He broke up with me.” You grabbed his arm and Jeonghan was suddenly on top of you, smiling that smile that made you feel like you were five years younger and you were still living with him in that townhouse where you both loved. “I no longer have a boyfriend and I don’t know why the heck I feel so happy saying that.” It was absurd, really. However, when Jeonghan bent down to claim your lips again, and to skim his hands over your body, you are once more transported back in time. 

But Jeonghan soon broke the spell with a laugh as he nibbled your neck. “As much as I would want to make love to you right now, baby,” he whispered, his mouth on your throat, “I just want you to know that we are very late for breakfast.”

You gave out a yelp and playfully kicked Jeonghan out of your way, his laughter behind you as you went, bounding out the door and trying to straighten your hair. As you neared the kitchen, you struggled to compose yourself, smoothing your shirt and trying to walk straight without wincing. Ah, Yoon Jeonghan, your body sighed achingly especially down there, you just never disappoint.

“Eomma!” came the joyous squeal of delight from your daughter. You gave Jae Eun your sweetest, motherly smile as you saw her sitting on her chair, eating her share of breakfast.

“Good morning, baby girl,” you greeted Jae Eun sweetly with a kiss and proudly scanned the table, set with glasses of milk and plates heaped with pancakes laden with what looked like to be a very sweet syrup experiment. “Wow. Pancakes! And…lots of syrup! Good job, sweetheart!” 

Jae Eun smiled brightly. “It’s our first breakfast together with Appa!” She reached out with no small effort to put a pancake on your plate. “I made two pancakes the best. You and Appa can have it!” 

You felt a hand press gently on your shoulder and you arched at the sudden touch. “Good morning, Appa,” you greeted Jeonghan playfully. “Please sit!”

Jeonghan tucked a lock of hair behind your ear and took the chair beside you. Then he smiled at Jae Eun. “You cook well, our Jae Eun!” 

Jae Eun beamed again. But as she was about to say thank you, her eyebrows furrowed. Wondering, Jeonghan asked her why, as they ate together, their first breakfast together as a family.

“Eomma, why are you wearing Appa’s shirt?”

“Yoon Jeonghan.” 

Jae Eun was in daycare, and you were in bed with Jeonghan again, arms around each other. Neither of you had been talking a long time. 

“Yes?”

You traced your fingers at his bare arm. “What do we do now?”

“We were stupid, weren’t we?” Jeonghan let out a soft, sad laugh. “We thought we’d be able to escape all the drama when we divorced. Look at us now.”

“Seriously.” Your fingertips grazed softly over his skin, and you felt him tighten all over at your touch. “What do we do next?”

At that, Jeonghan took your hand and placed it to his lips. His eyes, dark with an intensity and fire that you knew you had rekindled, were boring into yours, sending heat all over your body. “What do you want me to do?” 

Your other hand found his face. You traced his lips with your thumb, and you said, softly, “Come back to me.”

Jeonghan bent his head down to claim your lips in a sweet, slow kiss, and as you kissed him back, he whispered, “I don’t think I ever left.”

Yesterday | (a continuation of a scene from “Only Us”)

“Appa is just going outside for a moment. You be good here with Eomma, okay? I’ll be back at five to take you home.”

“You promise?” Jae Eun’s expectant eyes brightened up at your words. She had never had car rides with both of her parents with her. Jeonghan knew she would be happy if they all went home in one car.

“I promise.” Then he looked over at you once again before walking away and closing the door softly.

Jeonghan leaned against the door, sighing loudly. He had not slept well enough to function, and the emotional weight of everything that had happened—the show, the after-party, the accident—all of it took their toll on him. But he knew that he could not rest now. Not yet.

The thought of his most strenuous task for the day made him steel his resolve. He would go home first, shower and change clothes. Then he would proceed to where he must go for the day. He dutifully acknowledged the reporters who were waiting all around the hospital building with nods and small smiles and ignored the questions they shouted at him. It was a good thing that the hospital provided extra security for the floor where you were interred when he asked them for it.

He whipped up his phone and dialed a number.

“Hello. Yes, it’s me, Jeonghan. 1402. I’m heading out and I need you to be here to help with security. Yes. My wife and my daughter…Thank you very much.” My wife. He hung up immediately to answer another call. He was now at the parking lot.

“I’m waiting by your car,” came Seungcheol’s reassuring voice. “I’ll take you home.”

Jeonghan sighed in relief and waved at his friend just across the lot. “You are a lifesaver.”

“Hey, with all of us being such good boys, this is the only time I could get to fully exercise my role as a leader, taking care of my members.” Seungcheol hung up as he gave Jeonghan a brief hug before taking the keys from him. “Sleep. You’re gonna need it.”

“Yes, team leader,” Jeonghan said dryly, the sore muscles on his back relaxing as he seated himself on the plush car seat. He closed his eyes as Seungcheol started the car.

Minutes later, after stopping at a red light, Seungcheol spoke. “It’s only half past one. Plenty of time. Are you sure about what you’re going to do?”

“Yes.” Jeonghan was drifting off to sleep.

“Then I’ll come along, too. Maybe I can help persuade—”

“—I appreciate the gesture, but, no thanks. I need to do this by myself.” Jeonghan opened his eyes and glanced at his friend. “I’m the one who lost her. I’m the one who has to bring her back.”

Seungcheol nodded in understanding. “But I’ll come anyway. I’ll wait by your car and distract the reporters that might be crowding around.”

Jeonghan regarded his friend for a moment, before nodding. Seungcheol wasn’t asking. He was telling Jeonghan what he was going to do. “Okay.” Jeonghan turned away from Seungcheol then to sleep, but his mind was transported back to another time when Seungcheol simply did not sit by the sidelines and watch Jeonghan’s life come into a head.

He remembered the night of Jae Eun’s birth, the first month of his separation from you. He remembered how helpless he was, how broken he felt, until the Seungcheol and the members came to support him while he watched over you during those hours of labor. He remembered the tears spilling down from his eyes as he held Jae Eun for the first time. 

And he remembered how every ounce of him that fought to keep you by his side surrendered to the pressure of the divorce. Looking at Jae Eun’s tiny face, and at the worried looks of the members as they crowded around Jeonghan, he knew that he would have to do everything to keep his little girl safe.

No matter what it cost him. 

He remembered the car drive home, with you on the backseat, trying to sleep after the arduous childbirth. You had insisted on recuperating at home. He remembered your horrified, betrayed eyes when you stood at the threshold of a then-unfamiliar house, holding your baby. He remembered how weakly your knees struggled to keep you upright when he opened the door into a furnished parlor.

He remembered how you both just stood there, staring at each other.

“I won’t be far from here,” Jeonghan had said, his voice strained. “But I thought it was best if we move somewhere else.” His hands swayed on his sides. “Somewhere safer.”

Jae Eun had cried angrily in your arms as Jeonghan said these words. It was as if she knew what was happening between her parents. 

Jeonghan had walked slowly towards you, and as gently as he could, pulled you and Jae Eun close for an embrace. 

“Send me the papers tomorrow,” Jeonghan had said softly, his eyes unblinking as tears fell from them burrowing his face into your neck. “I will sign them.”

You didn’t say anything then, but when Jeonghan pulled away to look at you, all he could see was one emotion: you were tired.

And so was he. 

The private proceedings of the divorce went on for another year. And on Jae Eun’s first birthday, she was already given to your custody, with visitation privileges for Jeonghan, who had the much busier schedule. The agency at that time did a better job of silencing any reports about the divorce. As far as everyone was concerned, your romance with Jeonghan was just another one of those relationships who crashed too fast. If only they knew how much it had cost you both.

Back then, Jeonghan had honestly thought that being separated from you legally was the best way to keep you and Jae Eun safe from the harshness of public spotlight and scrutiny. But now, four years later, seeing that these attacks against his family’s privacy were still being mounted by hungry reporters and angry people, he knew he had made a mistake by relenting to the pressure five years ago. 

“What are you thinking about?” Seungcheol asked softly, eyeing Jeonghan carefully. 

“Nothing much.” Jeonghan rubbed an aching temple and closed his eyes. “Just that I think I should have done things differently before. I should have seen that the divorce was not the answer. I feel so stupid.” Jeonghan leaned on the window. 

“Whether it was a mistake or not, I still think what matters most is the reason why you did what you did.” Seungcheol tapped his fingers on the steering wheel lightly. “You wanted to protect your family. You wanted to solve the problems as best you could. But sometimes, you know, you solve the problems after a lot of trial-and-errors. The divorce was well-intentioned, but now that you see it did not work—don’t dwell on the fact that it might have been a mistake. Just try again.”

Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol and smiled at him. “Thanks, Cheol.”

Seungcheol grinned. “Anytime. You taught me how to do pep talks, remember?” Both boys laughed as they thought of younger days. “By the way, does the bastard know that you’re coming to his office? I think it would be better if he knows.”

Jeonghan’s lips curled into a small smile. “He’d better know, because he made my daughter very, very unhappy last night.”

Seungcheol first drove Jeonghan home so he could get a quick shower and a change of clothes. The cameras in Jeonghan’s unit were still in place, but Seungcheol had managed to convince The Return of Superman’s producers to reschedule the continuation of Jeonghan and Jae Eun’s day the next week at the earliest. Jeonghan murmured another ‘thank you’ in his head for Cheol, who had always been very dependable and was always reaching out to help and support friends.  

Thirty minutes later, they parked outside an impressive-looking edifice, an aesthetically designed one made with a mix of expensive wood, stone and marble. Jeonghan got out of the car, dressed in a semi-casual suit, holding a thin briefcase, hair rustling in the afternoon wind. He nodded at Seungcheol, who grinned at him and made a gesture with his hands that Jeonghan read as, “Call me.” Jeonghan nodded and walked towards the huge building. 

The interior of the building was as impressive as the exterior, but more homey. Some wood with warmer tones were used for the gigantic bookshelves that lined the walls. A staircase leading to the second floor (where more bookshelves were lined up and people were getting on and off ladders to reach for different kinds of tomes) caught Jeonghan’s eye. He saw a man in deep perusal of one of your books. 

The receptionist materialized from one of the doors behind the front desk, and her eyes widened when she saw Jeonghan. She immediately hurried over to take her place.

“What can I do for you, Sir?” she asked breathlessly. Jeonghan lazily took note of the blush in her cheeks. 

Jeonghan looked at his watch. “I have a 2 o’clock meeting with your one of your board directors, Mr. Angelo Kang.”

“Let me patch you in with his secretary.”

Minutes later, Jeonghan made his way to the third floor, where the administrative offices of the XYZ Publishing Corporation would be found. He passed by doors with nameplates that introduced who was currently holding office there: various editors, assistant editors and the publishing house’s homegrown authors. He smiled briefly when he saw your name on one of the oak doors. Y/N, it said: editor-in-chief.

Finally, at the farthest wing of the room, the double doors to Angelo Kang’s office door were ajar. Jeonghan stepped in and waited for Angelo to look up from his desk. And when he did, Angelo’s face tightened. 

“Mr. Yoon.” Angelo glanced at his laptop screen before turning guarded eyes to Jeonghan. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Your mistakes,” Jeonghan said slowly as he closed the door, “starting with hiring stalkers to follow my wife around.”

Present Day

“Why did you date him?” 

Clothes were strewn around the floor of Jeonghan’s bedroom. You had gone with him to his penthouse to pick up some clothes but ended up taking yours off when Jeonghan told you that he wanted to make love to you on his bed, right that moment.

You had never been inside his place before. Amazingly, though, as you stared at Jeonghan while covered in sheets that should have felt unfamiliar, you felt like you were still somewhere you had known for a long time.

You looked up at him, at his questioning eyes. 

“Would it make sense if I told you that when I went out with him, I was imagining that it was you with me?”

Jeonghan scoffed. “I’m way more handsome. Just look at our baby girl! Would we have beautiful Jae Eun if I looked the least bit like Angelo?”

“Stop being such a jealous guy.”

“Does he make love to you, too?” The jealous tone was back, and you slapped his chest. 

“Stop. We would never!”

“You dated him, love. Of course there would come a time when you would have.”

You sighed. “It wasn’t that serious.”

“He proposed.”

“I didn’t know he would! We only went out for a couple of drinks and...dinner? That was it. I didn’t know it was that serious in his head.”

“But why?” Jeonghan pulled away, and you felt your body ache as he pulled away. “Why did you date him?” 

You stared into Jeonghan’s eyes. “The calls never stopped coming through my phone.” You laughed an empty laugh. “I don’t know why they would always end up getting my number, no matter how many times I change it. Even the telephone...” You nestled onto Jeonghan’s chest and he took you in his arms, caressing your back as you continued. 

“Jae Eun answered a call one Saturday. I had been showering when the call came so she was the one who answered it. We were sleeping together in my bedroom whenever you were on tour that took up Saturdays and Sundays. We planned to go to a shopping mall that day, and I was getting her ready but she didn’t want to go. Turns out that she had answered some woman’s call and she was terrified of the woman’s words, which, in effect, said that I would die if I stepped out of the house. 

“I couldn’t get to work because Jae Eun wouldn’t let go of me or let me go outside the house for three days. Angelo was a new guy the board had recommended as director, and he had parents that ran a security company. I knew he liked me, so I steered clear from him. But when he offered to look into who kept calling and calling, I was so grateful. Especially when they found the culprits. I was really grateful. 

“When he asked me to go out with him for drinks, I couldn’t refuse. And when he begged me to try dating him, no promises, I couldn’t shake off the memory of Jae Eun’s fearful eyes, looking at me and begging me to not go out of the house. 

“I said yes because of that. But as two months passed and he was getting more and more anxious about our relationship, things started going south...he especially hated having you come around during Saturdays when you would pick up Jae Eun.”

“Maybe that was when he started having his men follow you around. He was anxious about me.” 

“I think the proposal was his last-ditch effort to see if I was serious about him. I don’t know anymore what to think. I’m just glad that it has ended. That everything is starting to get back into place.” You looked back at Jeonghan. “I made a bad decision and now I regret it, because I was dating him out of gratitude, not out of love.” You leaned onto Jeonghan again. “It was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

“And I’m sorry for not being there for you and Jae Eun. If I had been there, this would never have happened. I didn’t know--”

“--stop.” You put a finger onto Jeonghan’s lips. “Let’s not get back into the past again. We both made really stupid decisions. But it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is us. Now.” You kissed him gently. “Here.” 

You smiled as he kissed you, a tear escaping your eye. “I love you,” you said as his kisses went downward. “I love you.”

The Days After

“...of course, life wouldn’t be a bed of roses,” the counselor said as she wrapped up talking with you and Jeonghan. “You have to understand that you divorced for very serious reasons, life-threatening ones, in fact. It’s not going to be an easy choice to get back together. But if you are sure of your decision, and if you have concrete plans as to how to get on with your lives together, I see no reason why you should not take the risk. A very beautiful risk.” 

You turned to look at Jeonghan, who was listening intently. It had been his idea that you get counseling the first few months. 

“Like I told you, you have to take things slow. You have to blend love with a sound rationale so you wouldn’t always be up in the clouds. Invest in things together. Spend time with your daughter together...but don’t rush. Take your time. Admit it or not, many things have changed since you have been together.”

It was very good advice. The both of you had to admit that during the four years you had been separated, many things have changed. Things you didn’t like before, you suddenly have started to like. Simple things like how to make the bed, how to cook up an egg, sleep cycles...these things contrasted sharply with who you both were before and who you were now. 

Jeonghan nodded slowly. He was holding his phone. You felt yours vibrate and as the marriage counselor kept on talking about taking things slow, you took a peek at the message. 

[💋]: I agree with our counselor. Do I have to tell her how you would cry now everytime I get so good with you in bed? 

Jeonghan smiled slyly when you suddenly coughed. The counselor looked over at you questioningly, but she continued. 

“By the way, have you talked with your ex-boyfriend, Angelo?” 

You nodded. “Yes.” 

“Did the conversation end on good terms?”

You nodded again. “Yes.” 

“Very good. You see, loose ends from a previous relationship could complicate a good marriage. I’m very glad that you ended things well with him.”

Your phone vibrated again. 

[💋]: 🤨😐😑🙄

You bit back a smile and typed in response, Still jealous, I see.

A swift reply came. 

[💋]: Am not. 🙃

You smiled. 

The counselor knew what was going on. “Well, our session ends here now.” You both stood up from your seats as the counslor shook hands. “Best of luck. And, by the way…”

You both turned back to Counselor Kim. 

“...you do know that it’s advisable to restart this relationship in the dating phase, right? Dinners, movies, quality time, but in separate houses and definitely no sex. Right? I think I’ve told you this many times.”

You loved Yoon Jeonghan in moments like this one. Especially when he replied, oh-so-innocently, “Of course, Counselor. Of course.”

“Thank you, Choi Seungcheol,” Jeonghan whispered as he watched a woman in a dark hoodie being ushered into a holding cell. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. This was long overdue.”

Shin Nara, a thirty-year-old vlogger who had been an extreme fan of SEVENTEEN, had finally been apprehended. Years ago, she had followed you inside a bathroom stall and had dashed your head against the wall. You were rendered unconscious and was hospitalized for a week. Nara had never been arrested because she was never found: CCTV footages were unavailable and the bathroom stall was empty of other women during the late hours of the night.

Amazingly, when The Return of Superman aired and your house was seen onscreen, she had managed to track you down again. She was one of the callers who would terrorize you until Jeonghan changed your residence after Jae Eun’s birth.

The security detail Jeonghan had hired to guard your house caught her lurking outside. She was taken into custody for stalking and the contents of her bag that were turned over to the police department confirmed through her journal and a saved photo of the bathroom stall incident five years ago that she was the one responsible for the crime.

As Jeonghan watched her being taken in, a bittersweet feeling took over him, stronger than anger, sadness and relief.

“Your family will be safe, Yoon Jeonghan,” Seungcheol said, wrapping an arm around Jeonghan’s shoulder. “You will be safe.”

Yoon Jeonghan was always sweet and warm, in bed. He kissed like he had honey on his tongue, and he would touch you like you were a goddess he was honored enough to hold.

“Counselor Kim would be so disappointed,” you gasped as Jeonghan’s mouth kissed you on your left shoulder, untying the last strap of your sundress with his teeth. The thin material shimmied down your bare body, joined by your lacy underwear and Jeonghan’s clothes. He laid you gently on the bed, his warm, wet mouth making marks on the sensitive flesh between your breasts. Your hands wove through his hair as he kissed you. Hands took hold of your aroused breasts, kneading them on his hands as he started to kiss you down there.

You laid back, your eyes closing as his tongue did wonders on your body. He was noisy and his eyes would open every now and then, commanding you to look at him as he unraveled you like this. 

There were times when you would pull him up and take him in your mouth, but this afternoon, he wanted you fast. He probably got triggered by the sex ban that Counselor Kim was trying to impose. You laughed and you arched back, opening your legs wide to welcome him as you felt him tease you, circling his rock-hard shaft around your entrance. 

For a moment, he just stood there like that, making you crazy until you whispered, “Please, love?” 

He smiled and slowly eased onto you, ripping you open, entering deeply that your eyes watered at the fullness. You clawed at the sheets as he eased in and out, slowly at first, and then faster, and faster, the gentleness replaced by slick, rough movements that made your hips arch up against each thrust, matching it with your own as he held you up to him, kissing you and kissing you, his rhythm going faster and faster. His mouth traveled from your lips to your breasts, until his gasps became labored and he held onto you.

As your walls tightened and tightened about him, you moaned, pulling him closer as his thrusts sped up. Your clawed at his back as he spilled his seed inside you, his mouth on yours, panting as you gave out a small cry when you came, tremors wracking your body at the experience. 

“Marry me,” he whispered in your ear, as he bit your earlobe. “Marry me again.”

You pulled him close to you and whispered back, roughly, “I thought I already said yes to that last night.”

A knock on the door made you both jump up restlessly.

“Eomma? Appa?”

A few seconds of silence, and then the knock persisted. 

“I’m hungry…”

Jeonghan laughed softly.

“We’ll talk later, love.” Jeonghan picked up his shirt. “We’re coming, Jae Eun-ah!” 

Hello. My name is Jae Eun. 

I am four years old, and I live in a pretty white house with large windows. I live with my eomma. My appa lives in another place, a tall building, taller than my house with Eomma. I feel happy sometimes that I could have two houses...but sometimes I feel sad, too. 

My friends all live in one house. Their eomma and appa live in one house. Their eomma and appa kiss them goodnight every night. Eomma kisses me, too, I have to wait for Saturday to come so my appa can kiss me. Sometimes I wish I could just be Eunha’s or Soyoung’s or Yeseung’s unnie/noona, so I could live in a house where both eomma and appa could give me goodnight kisses.

But today I am not sad. 

I am not sad because I saw Appa’s car when my teacher walked me outside. Eomma was there, too!!! We’ve never had car rides together before. It was always just me and Eomma, or just me and Appa. But today we are riding together!!!

I am wearing a blue dress Appa gave me and blue shoes that Eomma gave me. I don’t look over at Eunha anymore, who always went home with her Appa and Eomma. I don’t look at Seungjae anymore, who always makes his Appa and noona run after him--I no longer look at them. 

Because Appa will be here to pick me up with Eomma, too!

Appa comes to see me almost everyday now, except when he has work. Soon, I will no longer live in two houses. I will only live in one house, and Appa, Eomma and I all live there together, because Appa is staying with us now. Soon, I will no longer live in two houses. Appa promised me and Eomma that we will live together from now on!

They kiss me goodnight, and we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We go to parks, we go to zoos, always together. Appa still leaves sometimes because of his work, but never for long. He promised to take me with him someday, so I can sing with my Cheollie-samchon and Seokmin-samchon and dance with Chan-samchon--I can’t wait to go! Appa is always handsome when he sings and dances. 

Eomma is always with me now. She wants to write at home with me. She says she’s writing something about our family! She doesn’t cry at night anymore. But she’s sillier. She sometimes wakes up with Appa’s shirt! I told her not to because she doesn’t return it to poor Appa. We make pancakes together every morning, and she makes me yummy sandwiches and rice and corn soup to take to school. 

Cameras still follow us around, but not that much anymore. Appa smiles a lot more, and we always laugh and play together, except when I am being too naughty. He still asks me whose baby I am and I still ask him whose appa he is, and the answer will always be the same! He promised me and it made me happy! 

Appa and Eomma will always be with me now. I know that because I saw them wear rings around their necks that are the same and they said it means forever. I wanted to have one because it looks like magic! I always make sure they wear it because it means forever and I want them to be together forever. 

Bye! Appa is waving at me now, and he wants me to run to him and give him a kiss. 

We are going home.

TROS EPISODES | Ep. 1| Ep. 2 | after-party | Ep. 3 | only us |  Ep. 4 | afterglow |  Ep. 5

- Admin Leanne

[halstudandruz]

Addiction

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: Jay finds comfort in his partner during his failing marriage

Warnings: Swearing, cheating/affair

How did you get here? How did you let this happen? How could you keep letting this happen? The self deprecating thoughts ran through your mind as you laid next to Jay Halstead, both panting heavily.

“Wow. That had to be one of our best. I did that thin-“ He started still trying to catch his breath.

“We can’t do this anymore.” You hurried out.

“What?” He asked turning towards you.

“You have a wife, Jay. A wife!” You exclaimed leaning up to search for your bra and panties that were scattered around the room.

“Yeah, barely.” Jay scoffed.

“The existing marriage license begs to differ.” You spit back, slamming his underwear to his chest.

“[Y/N], come on.” He looked at you like you were over reacting.

“How are you okay with this!? How can you think this is a decent thing to be doing?” You yelled tying your robe around you and slipping out of your bed.

“You’re saying what we just did was not decent? I would definitely have to disagree and judging by the sounds-“ He continued to joke which made you angrier.

“Get the hell out Jay.” You shook your head walking into the bathroom and slamming the door. By the time you came back out your apartment was empty. Sighing heavily you collapsed onto your bed, face in your mattress, scent of him still strong on your pillows. Here’s to hoping tomorrow wouldn’t be too awkward.

————-

Walking into the district you had to compose yourself. This had been going on for over 3 months. It first happened after a hard case. You went into a little bit of a spiral as it took you back to your teenage years. Jay, being the good partner he was, was there for you, but a couple too many drinks later and here you were. There was always something about Jay that drew you towards him, but he was married. You weren’t going to let anything happen. Until it did, and then you couldn’t stop it from happening. You had sufficiently gotten a dose of Jay Halstead and without a second thought became addicted. The couple times you had woken up in his arms right before your alarm went off you found yourself wondering how it was going to end. Because there was an inevitable end for the two of you. He would call it off because he felt guilty. Kristina would find out and he would convince her to stay, promise that he wouldn’t do it again. Someone in the unit would find out and blow it up (even though you had a sneaking suspicion Trudy already knew but that’s besides the fact.) Logically, there was no way it would end well for you, and yet you kept going back. Falling into bed, begging for more. It was suddenly a regular occurrence. So the whole walking into the district the morning after, the memories of his lips, his hands all over, was something you were used to, but this time it felt different. Like maybe it really was over. Maybe it really was the end and you didn’t know how to feel about it.

Walking upstairs was nothing different. Everyone was at their desks sipping coffee, Kevin and Adam screwing with each other. Just like every other day, but for you the tension felt thick as you locked eyes with Jay. Taking a deep breath you headed towards your desk sitting your stuff down, where a hot coffee already sat. Glancing at Jay you mumbled a thank you as he gave you a small smile. It wasn’t long before you were in Jay’s truck headed to question a suspect. After 10 minutes of awkward silence Jay decided to break it,

“So..we gonna talk about this?”

“Nope.” You simply replied in a second.

“[Y/N]-“ He tried sighing heavily before you stopped him.

“We have more important things to be worrying about right now Jay.” You crossed your arms across your chest. He looked over at you annoyed, “I just..can’t talk about this right now, okay?” You bit your lip looking away from him. Guilt took over his features as he nodded focusing his attention back on the road.

————

A few days full of avoidance and obvious tension later you and the rest of the team sat around a table at Molly’s. Quietly you stirred your drink around in the bottle thoughts spaced out as you avoided Jay’s eyes. You were in withdrawal and with even the slightest bit of alcohol in you, you knew if you looked into those baby blues you would be absolutely without a doubt fucked.

“So, where’s the mrs. tonight?” Adam asked turning to Jay who was being suspiciously quiet as well.

“Not here.” Jay shrugged not looking over.

“What does she look like? It’s been so long since we’ve seen her I’ve seem to forgotten.” Antonio raised an eyebrow at Jay.

“Yeah bars aren’t really her scene I guess.” Jay answered.

“Come on man what’s going on with you two?” Antonio nudged.

“I don’t know. Just hasn’t been...for a long time.” Jay sighed.

“Seriously dude when was the last time you got laid?” Kevin joked. Jay’s eyes locked with yours before he quickly looked down at the table shrugging as he took a chug of his beer. “You don’t even know? Bro I was just joking, but clearly you need to figure some stuff out.” He looked at him pointedly.

“Look I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break her heart and go through the whole process, but I just don’t want to be with her anymore.” He admitted, and at the words you swallowed hard.

“Marriage is hard you have to work at it.” Kim included.

“No it’s not like that. I don’t want to work at it with her. I don’t love her anymore.” He admitted.

“How do you just fall out of love with someone?” Kim asked.

“I don’t even know if we were in love. At least on my end. I mean I thought I was, but now... I don’t really know anymore. We were young, I had just gotten back and was in a bad way. We thought we knew what we were doing. Thought everyone was wrong. I don’t think I had the right idea of what love was.” He explained looking at you again.

“I need another drink. Anyone else?” You asked voice squeaking before you hurried towards the counter. Letting a deep breath out once you felt you had enough space.

“So, how long has that been going on?” Kim asked beside you make you jump.

“What?” You asked nervously.

“I’m your best friend [Y/N], I’m not a dumbass.” She gave you a look as you groaned head falling into your hands. “Look I’m not here to judge. I’m not here to make you feel bad about yourself. I’m just here to help.” She promised. Looking at her the guilt bubbled even further in the pit of your stomach.

“I’m in love with him. I’m in love with a married man. With my partner.” You stated, disbelief in your voice. “How did I let this happen. I’m a terrible fucking person.” You groaned running a hand down your face.

“You didn’t do it to hurt anybody.” She rubbed your arm.

“Do they know?” You looked over at the table making Kim chuckle.

“I could give Adam a literal ticket to Rome and he would still say it wasn’t a good enough hint. They’re clueless.” She promised.

“I gotta go home. I just don’t have the mental capacity to be in his presence right now.” You admitted weakly. Smiling sympathetically she nodded hugging you quickly,

“I’m here for whatever you need. Always.” She stated before grabbing a few drinks and heading back to the table. You followed behind her grabbing your purse to sneak your way out.

“Whoa what are you doing? It’s like 10 o’clock.” Kevin caught you. Rolling your eyes you made an excuse,

“I got a thing tomorrow so..” You tried, but trailed off when you met Jay’s eyes, and what looked like pain..? inside of them.

“Alright bye.” Kim pushed you towards the door snapping you out of it, giving you a pointed look. Anger, sadness, guilt, need, want, were all so mumbled together in your body you didn’t know which way was up. Once getting home you quickly fell into bed hoping sleep would help you gather your thoughts a little.

You were later awoken by your phone ringing beside your head.

“Hello?” You groaned not bothering to look at the caller ID, eyes still closed.

“Can I come over?” The voice on the other side asked hesitantly.

“Jay..” You whimpered suddenly wide awake, heat immediately coursing through your body at his question, looking at the clock you realized it was 4 in the morning. “This is hard enough-“ You started to lecture, but his soft husky voice cut you off.

“Please, I just..I need to see you. I need to talk to you.” He practically begged, slight whine in his voice.

“The door will be open.” You answered after a few seconds of contemplating before hanging up. 20 minutes later you were joined in bed by Jay.

“Hey.” He whispered sliding in next to you to bring you into his chest.

“No, no, no.” You pushed him away despite every bone in your body telling you not to.

“I talked to her. I told her everything.” He informed you looking away from you.

“Wow..okay. And?” You pushed.

“She wasn’t mad. Weirdly enough she wasn’t mad. She was hurt, which is understandable, but we were on the same page. There was no yelling. No fighting. It just...ended.” He looked confused as he said it out loud.

“Well...how do you feel about that?” You asked.

“Happy.” He answered simply looking at you.

“What?” You looked eyebrows raised.

“My marriage didn’t end because of you [Y/N]. It was over long before you came into the picture. We haven’t even slept in the same bed in over a year. She got..annoyed with my dreams and episodes waking her. This isn’t on you, I need you to know that.” He took your hand in his.

“Jay, that doesn’t make any of this right.” You huffed.

“I know and I know it isn’t ideal, but I love you.” He looked at you seriously.

“You said the same thing to her.” You replied.

“You’re right. I did, but this is different. I’m not some 20 year old trying to push away problems I refused I had. Trying to sink myself into alcohol and some girl that was dealing with all of it too. If you can wholeheartedly look at me and tell me this isn’t what you want, that you’re not in love with me. I will leave right now and try my hardest to pretend this didn’t happen and that I’m not head over heels for you.” He clenched his jaw, lump clear in his throat through his voice.

“You know I can’t do that.” You stated softly all the fight you had in you seemingly disappearing.

“We’re filing this week. As soon as we talk everything out. Sh-She actually told me it was okay if I wanted this,” His eyes met yours hesitantly, “and there really isn’t anything I could want more.” He admitted shoulders tensing a little waiting for reaction.

“Jay, this is a lot, it’s 4 in the morning, I’m exhausted, and this is going to involve a long conversation.” You chewed at your lip nervously.

“I understand.” He nodded swallowing visibly hard.

“Can you just stay so we can talk about this in the morning? I don’t know how this is going to work or how we’re going to make this work, but all I know is I want to wake up next to the man I love in the morning and see what happens next.” You admitted linking your fingers with his. At your words a soft smile appeared on his face as he reached out to pull you into his body.

“I’ve never been addicted to something like I am to you.” He laughed in disbelief flipping you underneath him, leaning down and kissing you with a love you didn’t know existed. One feel of his lips on yours and your addiction was fueled once again.