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mattsdae · 1 year

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help wanted

tags: joe young x masc reader , curruption , phone sex , mutual masturbation ig , reader is a perv , probably ooc , but also probably not bc i studied up on everyone elses fics , humiliation , lots of degradation BUT it’s just guys being guys lol , some praise , brief mention of pillow humping , homophobic language , so many ellipsis i think my period button is broken , he also stutters a lot which is usually cringe when overdone but he’s also a pathetic mess who can’t finish his sentences

synopsis: joe often finds himself confused on set and asks you for help. in a time of need, you’re the only person he can think of to call.

word count: ~2k

a/n: part 2 and 3 are out now! check it out pt. 2 here! pt. 3 here!

just a quick warning: i am very underqualified for this fic (considering i never watched orgazmo) BUT i do have an intense corruption kink that makes me want to ruin joe young. also, reader has a dick. there isn’t nearly enough gay shit in this fandom, so i’m taking it upon myself. it’s also can’t imagine any trey parker character being straight.

—

“you got morning wood and thought to call me?” it was 6 in the morning, a time you haven’t woken up at since elementary school. you didn’t answer at first, but decided to after he left a voicemail consisting of ‘i need your help’ and ‘call back please’. now, you were pissed off because instead of being injured or in need of actually important advice, he needed someone to ask about boners.

“i don’t know what to do..” joe mumbled, his voice dripping with shame. you shrugged, leaning up in your bed as he waited for an answer.

“just jack off or something; you’ll be fine.” you weren’t sure why he called you of all people. you weren’t exactly close with him. he would come up to you and ask questions about the script, usually too nervous to ask female co-stars, but the conversation never lasted more than a few seconds. they always went the same.

what does head mean?

a blowjob.

what’s that?

when a girl sucks your dick.

oh lord-

followed by him walking away briskly. once he asked what squirting was, but you never answered because you were too busy laughing. he always had this shaky, scared tone when he asked, which only made his cluelessness funnier. for a while, you thought it was a bit. from his incompetence during sex to his talks about ‘our lord and savior’, it was all too perfect.

“is that..” he trailed off. that was one of the first terms he asked you, which started your facination. it’s not like you were into him, you weren’t a fag, but it was a little cute. the questions annoyed the hell out of you, but you loved the look on his face when he would connect the dots and realize what he accidentally said. the innocent, almost shameful look on his face quickly melting to shock and pure embarassment hearing such dirty words leave your mouth (and so casually).

“guess.” after he asked enough questions to annoy you, you started asking him to guess what it meant, which completely changed the game. it was amazing. he’d blush, stuttering over his words as he tried to explain what he thought it might mean without saying anything too sinful. it wasn’t annoying to you anymore. you almost looked forward to when he’d ask his stupid little questions.

“oh, um.. is it when you.. touch yourself?” he whispered the last part.

“precisely,” you chuckle over the line. he cleared his throat, some static covering it as he adjusted himself as well. you leaned back fully, head resting on your pillow as you waited for him to end the call and run off.

“h-how..?” he stuttered. for a moment, you felt a little confused. you never met someone who didn’t jack off every so often. after the initial confusion wore off, you started to wish you could see him.

“you’ve never masturbated?” a grin spread on your face as he let out a shaky breath. he didn’t respond, most likely shaking his head in refusal. “what? you want me to talk you through it?”

it wasn’t a serious offer, just a little more teasing, but you heard something over the phone that resembled a moan. he was ashamed, sure, but he couldn’t deny himself forever. that was only confirmed as you heard a ‘mhm’ sound, barely loud enough to hear.

“what was that?” it was a little mean, making him repeat himself even though he was so clearly humiliated by this whole interaction, but you couldn’t help yourself. “gotta say it a little louder, i can’t hear you.”

“please.” maybe you were a fag because the pathetic whimper he let out turned you on. a lot. he still said it just above a whisper, but it worked.

“you really want this? i’m sure you could figure it out, you’re a big boy.” another jab at him, which only made him huff. you desperately wanted to see him, but it would probably kill you. the idea of his red cheeks, trembling fingers, not to mention his hard cock.

“i need..” a desperate whine and some more shuffling sounded off, which only made you more excited. “please?”

“tell me what you’re doing. i hear a lot of movement over there.” your hand made their way to your crotch, rubbing over your sweatpants without second thought. “you humping your pillow or something?”

another whimper. you chuckled, crackling over the line.

“you would be the type. think about what those girls do during our shoots. the way they touch you..” he huffed again, more shuffling. “go ahead and get comfortable.”

“o-okay.” the phone made a knocking noise as he put it down, making quick work of removing his pants. “what next?”

“good job,” you laughed. “how about this. i’ll tell you what i’m doing and you mimick me.”

“like simon says?”

“exactly.” you sighed, gripping yourself a little harder. “go ahead and feel yourself. don’t go under your boxers, just touch yourself over it.”

“okay,” he mumbled. you bit your lip as a moan played over the phone.

“move your hand up and down, squeeze a little bit too. do it nice and slow for me, alright?” his moans became muffled, his hand physically holding them back. even with the barrier, you could clearly hear his whimpers as he touched himself through the material. “you sure you’ve never done this before? it sounds like you know yourself really well.”

“n-no, never.” the words barely made past his lips as he let out another moan.

“tell me how it feels. make sure it’s detailed,” you asked. another small whimper.

“c-can’t..”

“come on, you can do it,” a grin on your face spread as you said it. you couldn’t get enough of him. “just tell me if it feels good.”

“it feels really good.” he sighed, making you grip yourself harder. each noise he made went straight to your groin. “i-i feel like this is a sin…”

you nearly moaned out loud at the statement. his voice was still shaky and nervous, but you didn’t think he’d ever be able to be normal during sex. he’d always be a trembling, embarassed mess in front of whoever decided to sleep with him.

“it’s not a sin, man. i’m just helping you out, ya know?” you’re voice was breathy, rubbing your thumb over your clothed tip. another whimper from over the phone.

“are you sure?”

“i’ve never been more sure of anything.” maybe it was wrong to lie, especially since he was clearly devoted to his religion, but once again, you couldn’t help yourself. his little huffs and whines did more for you than any girl ever has. “you like it, right? how could it be a sin if you enjoy it so much?”

“o-oh, okay,” he responded. you bit your lip, stifling a whimper as you let yourself go. his blindly trusting behavior nearly sent you over the edge.

“go ahead and take your boxers off for me,” you pulled your cock out at the same time he did, hearing a small gasp on the other side of the phone. you chuckled. “you gotta wait until i tell you, baby.”

“sorry.” the pet name seemingly went over his head as he apologized, whimpering from the loss of contact. you chuckle.

“good boy,” you drawled. “should i make you wait a little longer for not listening?”

“no, no, no! please,” he begged. you let out a deep laugh, one that came from your chest. it was almost endearing how horny he was. you knew he never had sex and now you knew he also never touched himself, so finally having a hand around his dick must feel amazing. you still enjoyed teasing him for it.

“fuck, you really want this, huh?” he hummed in agreement. “go ahead, man. you earned it.”

you take hold of your cock as he does. he let’s out a string of moans and sobs as he thrusts into his own hand. you touched yourself with long, languid tugs. you almost basked in noises coming from his mouth. filthy cries escaping as he committed sin after sin, squirming in the pleasure. it was a pathetic display that you couldn’t get enough of. his noises got louder and shorter, a staccato to each whimper exposing how close he was.

“slow down a little, i wanna cum at the same time. you think you can hold off for a little longer, baby?” he was so far gone, he couldn’t even comprehend your digs. any other time, he’d be beet red and trying to escape, but now he soaked in every little comment. he nods nonetheless, whining as he slowed nearly to a stop.

“where are you going?” he asked. his voice dripped with pure sex, but his question was so innocent. at first, you didn’t get it. just before you asked what he meant, it clicked. he didn’t know what cum meant. he thought you meant you were going somewhere. you laughed, covering your mouth to muffle it, but he could still hear it. “why are you laughing?”

“that’s that what i meant, sweetheart!” an exaggerated sweet comment that only made him more confused. you wished you could see his sweet little face, trying to read what you meant by your words but failing miserably. “do you remember what orgasm means?”

the strangled whimper confirmed everything you needed to know. first of all, he did understand what orgasm meant, but he also made it known that he liked you talking this way, just as much as you did. a subtle ‘yes’ came in, quiet enough that you almost had to genuinely ask him to speak up.

“i’m guessing you don’t know what it feels like though, right?” you smirked, knowing the answer was no.

“well..” you stopping moving your hand, pausing in confusion. “i had a dream once..”

“you had a wet dream?!” you grinned. he hummed, agreeing but still shy about saying it. “you’re fucking amazing, dude. wow!”

“i dunno what that means.” he must’ve stopped touching himself as well, considering how even his tone was now (at least as even as he could possibly get it).

“so you came in your pants? from a dream?” he didn’t reply, which only confirmed your suspicion. “what was it about?”

“w-what?” you grabbed yourself again.

“tell me about your dream. you remember it right?” you slid your thumb over your tip, collecting some of your precum for lube. after a while without a response, only whimpers playing over the line. “come on, at least tell me who it was about.”

“umm..” he still didn’t give a proper answer.

“was it a girl you filmed with?”

“no.”

“your ex?”

“n-no..”

“dave?!”

“no no!” you thought for a while, trying to figure out who else it could have been.

“don’t tell me it was maxxx-“

“it was you!” he blurts it out. the line crackled as the words lingered in the air. you were shellshocked by the confession. “i-i thought about you showing me what all those weird words meant. like, doing it to me..”

your jaw dropped, staring at the ceiling as you listened to his little fantasy, a fantasy you also dreamed about every so often. the silence was long enough for him to say your name, trying to catch your attention.

“what was i doing?” you finally asked. he whimpered.

“don’t make me say it…”

“i’m just curious! do you think you can touch yourself while telling me?” it was perverted and down right gross what you were making him do, but you couldn’t stop yourself. with quick tugs, you listen to his story. he moaned as he grabbed himself again.

“ah.. i went up to you and- and asked what something meant.. i-it was all gibberish and-“ you accidentally cut him off with a moan, now thrusting into your hand. “you.. you showed me. you touched me and kissed me. it felt really good..”

“you’re so dirty, joe.” you pant. he whimpers and starts going faster, just like you are, which only made his story more interesting to listen to. “keep going, i’m close.”

“you got on your knees-“ a pulse of heat ran down your body, another moan coming from your chest. “and you.. kissed it..”

“you dreamt about me giving you head?” you laughed, an airy laugh that were laced with moans. he whimpers again.

“you- you made me beg..” the noises that came from you were pornographic. your cock coating in precum as he told you about his perverted little dream.

“tell me how you begged.” you huffed. he sobs, obviously close to orgasm himself. nonetheless, he obliges.

“i said.. i said please a lot. you were rubbing my thigh and i thought i was gonna cry.”

just like that, you came. a girly moan escaped your lips as ropes of cum covered your chest and stomach. your hips jumped, thrusting into your fist and fucking your own hand. by the time you calmed down, he also came, letting out slobbery ‘thank you’s as he came on himself as well.

“good boy, such a good boy. you feel better now?”

“yes! yes!” he sobbed, still getting over his orgasm. he panted, pathetic little cries threatening to make you hard again. you smiled.

“you did so good for me, huh? my filthy boy..” you trailed off as his noises subsided. it was quiet for a while, the only sound coming from his side of the call being little gasps and pants.

“was that.. gay?” joe whispered. it was. it was really fucking gay. it was probably the most gay thing you’ve ever done, but you decided to spare his feelings.

“nah, man. just friends helping out friends.”

#ahhhh #i’m honestly thinking ab making this a series bc i love him sm #joe young x reader #trey parker x reader

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elstreem · 2 years

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A Night in Vegas

Just a little BediGuda fluff fic inspired by the All In! event revival in F/GO. I say little but I somehow got 2k words on it, that's where BediGuda brain rot will lead you...

Oh yeah, I usually do BediGudako content with comics and such, so I decided to write this one with Gudao.

Oh yeah, this fic has BediGuda as an established relationship before the event, okaaaay go-

A Night in Vegas

The glittering city of Vegas was not one to go quiet in the hours of the night - if anything, more people were out in the streets, enjoying the cooler air and admiring the dazzling displays of the many casinos.

Around 9 pm, the Chaldea crew was also thinking up plans to unwind after a dazzling day of gambling and sword fighting. They still had to resolve the Singularity and whatever was going on with the Swimsuit Swordmaster tournament…but it was fairly laid back and there was time to enjoy the Singularity at leisure between the battles (the Summerfest, enjoyable as it was, was full of frantic cramming that left some hands cramping well after the event.)

Oei and Musashi - er, Iori, were excitedly thinking of food places to try, Mash wanted to wander about the city with Fou in tow, Siegfried was planning on a quiet evening inside with a few books on hand, and the Master of Chaldea, Fujimaru Ritsuka…

…was talking with Fuuma Kotarou about a little request.

"I'm heading out tonight, but I'll be back around…2, maybe 3 am? You don't have to tail me, Kotarou, I'll be with Bedivere," Ritsuka said.

"Are you sure, Master? Hmm…does this have to do with the note you received earlier?" Kotarou asked - earlier in the day, Bedivere had passed along a written message that got everyone curious.

"Um, yes, it is," Ritsuka said with a little laugh.

"Does it have to do with the Swimsuit Swordmasters?" Oei asked, overhearing the conversation.

"Or something about the Casino Camelot?" Siegfried asked.

A blush graced Ritsuka's cheeks as he shook his head. Mash suddenly got an idea of what Ritsuka's plan was about and stifled a giggle.

"No, we're just…okay. It's a date, putting it bluntly," Ritsuka said, scratching the back of his head.

"Oh. Ahhhh!?" Oei exclaimed, the words sinking in.

"Oh. Oh! Um. Yes Master, I'll be sure to give you some privacy," Kotarou said, bowing in apology.

"Ha ha! Well, let's not keep you then, you go on, Master of Chaldea!" Iori said with a hearty laugh.

"Yes, do go on, Senpai. Take care and have fun!" Mash said with a wave. Fou also raised a paw in farewell, and with a few more laughs around the Master left the hotel room and went on his way.

~~~~~~

Ritsuka went down the hotel steps, unable to stop a grin growing on his face, nervous excitement making his nerves flutter. It had been a while since he had some time to spend with Bedivere…

As he came into the street, he saw the Knight standing calm and collected, silver hair glowing with different tints from the lights around him.

"Bedi!" Ritsuka called, and the Knight of the Round Table turned, a smile gracing his face on seeing his Master approach.

"Ritsuka," Bedivere called warmly, opening his arms. With full trust, Ritsuka ran up to him and jumped, laughing with delight as Bedivere easily caught him. The Knight wasn't wearing his armor, just his plain clothes beneath, so Ritsuka could come close without having to be uncomfortably pressed against metal.

"How are you, Master? Not tired, I hope?" Bedivere asked as he wrapped his arms around Ritsuka.

"No, I'm fine. I had some sleep late in the afternoon," Ritsuka said, looking up at Bedivere's face. The Master had a slight frown of concern, raising his right hand to touch Bedivere's cheek.

"And you? You've been working all day at the Casino Camelot, right? Have you taken a rest?" Ritsuka asked.

"And don't try to use being a Servant as an excuse, Bedi, you should still have some rest," Ritsuka continued with a knowing look.

Bedivere gave a small chuckle at that, touched by Ritsuka's concern.

"I most solemnly swear, I have been looking after myself, Master. We close the place for the night, remember? I've had some time to myself," Bedivere said.

"Good to hear," Ritsuka said, hugging Bedivere and indulgently pressing his face to Bedivere's chest.

Bedivere laughed again, putting a hand on top of his Master's head and brushing his tufted hair in little back and forth motions.

"Is there anywhere you wish to visit tonight?" Bedivere asked.

"Mm…somewhere quiet would be nice. We've been having too much excitement racking up QP during the day…" Ritsuka said.

"Somewhere quiet sounds good. Oh, I know, shall we go to the edge of the city? I think I saw some places to sit there…" Bedivere said.

Ritsuka finally found the willpower to draw back from Bedivere and did so to smile.

"Okay, lead the way!"

"Let's go, then," Bedivere said, offering his hand, and Ritsuka gladly took it as they walked off into the night.

~~~~~~

They sat at the edge of the city, looking out onto the waters that surrounded it. The noise of the streets was muted and it was actually quite calm and soothing, a slight breeze making waves that lapped at the city.

"Even after the previous summer's trip to…Luluhawa, wasn't it? I'm still not used to the idea of a calm sea," Bedivere said.

"What's your idea of a good vacation, then?" Ritsuka asked curiously.

Bedivere closed his eyes in thought.

"Hmm…"

"Anywhere quiet is fine. And even better, if I'm with you," the Knight answered, looking intently at Ritsuka's face.

Ritsuka felt heat flare in his cheeks, and he wondered if Bedivere could see his blush in the dim light.

"I don't think I'll ever want to go back to the desert, but I suppose this one isn't so bad," Bedivere said with a laugh.

"Ha ha, yeah, this is quite cozy for a desert isn't it?" Ritsuka laughed along.

"How about you, Ritsuka? Where would you like to go for a vacation?" Bedivere asked.

"Hmm…" Ritsuka tipped his head back in thought. He had visited a lot of places through Singularities, some in rather implausible environments (like an actual magical girl realm)…but even through all those fantastical experiences…

"Hmm…this sounds like I'm copying you, but…any place with you, sounds great, Bedi," Ritsuka said, turning to look at Bedivere.

A cool breeze blew by, ruffling Ritsuka's hair, and the Master shivered a little, still clad in his summer clothes.

Almost instantly, Bedivere summoned his cape and wrapped it around Ritsuka.

"Ah, yes, deserts get cold at night…" Bedivere said in concern.

"Oh! Thanks, Bedi," Ritsuka said, clutching the cape edges with his hands.

"Do you need extra warmth, Master?" Bedivere asked.

"Um, it's a little chilly, but I'm fine -" Ritsuka said, when Bedivere put an arm around his shoulders and drew him close.

"Is that better?" Bedivere asked.

So much better, Ritsuka wanted to answer, but he got tongue-tied and could simply nod. After a few seconds of thinking, the Master decided to let himself fully enjoy the moment and snuggled up to Bedivere's chest with a little sigh of happiness.

"I should have thought of bringing some warm drinks…" Bedivere mused, and was about to ask if Ritsuka wanted some, but seeing him comfortable, Bedivere decided it could wait.

They so very rarely had time and the privacy to be close together…

~~~~

The hours pleasantly passed by in a quiet murmur of talk, enjoying the warmth of contact and taking in the soothing vista of water in the moonlight. But it had to end sometime, and seeing Ritsuka yawn a few times in a row, Bedivere spoke.

"We should head back. Don't worry I will get some rest. I promise," Bedivere said, raising Ritsuka's hand to his lips.

Ritsuka sighed, the sweet gesture not quite making up for the knowledge that they had to part.

"I promise to get some sleep, too. Don't worry, I can afford to wake a little late," Ritsuka said, mustering a smile at Bedivere's words. Knowing that the Knight was actively making an effort to take care of himself always felt like a victory.

"If I can, I'll see you again another night, my Ritsuka," Bedivere said.

"I'll look forward to it," Ritsuka said, and they stood up together.

Again they linked hands and walked back, taking their time on the way. Too soon for Ritsuka's taste, they ended back at the Gildalay Hotel.

"Here we are," Bedivere said, turning to Ritsuka. Though the Knight did his best to keep his voice calm, Ritsuka could hear a note of wistfulness in it.

The Master gave Bedivere's hand a squeeze and looked up, lips about to frame a request when he felt the cool touch of a silver hand on his chin. The fingers came to cup his cheek, thumb brushing carefully across his lips in a question.

Ritsuka closed his eyes in answer, tilting his head, barely breathing, waiting for -

Bedivere brushed his lips across Ritsuka's, a fleeting, light touch, just the merest suggestion of warmth. Shy and modest, much like the Knight who gave it, but afire with love and adoration all the same.

Ritsuka pressed back, slightly clumsy but filled with feeling, and Bedivere obliged to deepen the kiss. What followed was a moment like a fragment of eternity, suspended among the lights of an unreal city of hopes and passions.

No matter how long the kiss, the sort of which left Ritsuka panting for breath after, it was still too short a time to spend together. Every snatched moment was bittersweet with that knowledge, knowing that their time together would always be limited, not just because of Ritsuka's ongoing mission, but just the fact that existing as Servant was always going to be temporary.

Once the world was restored, for good, hopefully…that was the day they will have to part as well.

But having resolved to love each other as best as they could…

"Good night, my Ritsuka. I hope you sleep is filled with sweet dreams," Bedivere murmured, holding Ritsuka close for one last embrace. The Master hugged him fiercely back, savoring the tender moment.

"With a night like this, I will have the sweetest dreams," Ritsuka said. Bedivere smiled at that - and one more moment holding hands, then letting go. Ritsuka walked back up the hotel steps, turning for one last look and a wave.

Bedivere waved back, and pressed a hand to his chest. With one last look at the building, he quietly made his way back to the Casino Camelot for his own rest, some hours before it opened again for business.

~~~~~~~~

Mash drew a blanket over Ritsuka, who was deeply asleep soon after coming back, a slight smile on his face as if dreaming of something good.

"Seems like Master had a good night," Siegfried said quietly to Mash.

"I'm glad he did. I hope they had a good time," Mash whispered back.

"Fou?" Fou asked, waving his tail.

"I won't ask, Fou! We'll know if Senpai tells us. If not, we let him be," Mash scolded.

Fou gave her a look as if pointing out she was quite curious too.

"Come on, Fou. Go to sleep," Mash chided.

"Fou…fou fou fo fo," Fou grumbled, but curled up into a ball.

~~~~

Bedivere…did not receive the same consideration. He sighed and put his hand to his forehead as Gawain, Lancelot and Tristan crowded around him with questions.

"My fellow Knights, no, I am not going to talk about our time together," Bedivere said with a sigh.

"Aww, why not? Shouldn't you celebrate it with us?" Gawain asked.

"Ha ha ha no, I'm not telling. Go away," Bedivere said with a pleasant smile.

"Was it that bad?" Lancelot asked.

"Knowing Sir Bedivere, if anything, it was very successful, wasn't it? Ah, how delightful," Tristan said with a knowing smirk.

"Speculate all you want. I'm going to get some sleep, as promised," Bedivere said with a roll of his eyes. He made a hasty retreat to his room, locked the door, and sighed, finally unable to repress the blush creeping over his face. More than anything, the memory of Ritsuka contentedly nestled close was something he was going to treasure for a long time.

He let out a little sigh - here in this strange Singularity, he got to see his King having some fun and actually smiling most of the time, and perhaps there was not just one, but many other chances of a good date with his Ritsuka. If only his comrades weren't acting a little…kooky from being Aloha Knights he could enjoy himself fully.

Bedivere gave a little laugh to himself - he wasn't gambling anything, but somehow he was winning all his heart's desires. Manifesting as Servant truly was a miraculous thing…and with that thought in mind he went to bed for some promised rest.

--------------

If you read to the end, thanks much! I wasn't planning on making this, but while playing the event (and totally destroying all the normal enemies with my Ruler Artoria with MLB Attack Up CE) I was just thinking, hey, it's a fairly laidback event and there's some time for Ritsuka to hang out with a partner of their choice...and with me that means Bedi lol.

I am actually aro-ace so if anything about the dialogue or actions are cringey you know why, I don't actually have romance experience lol. I just wanted this two to have some quiet time together.

I am very nervous posting fanfics, so all the 64 other BediGuda fics I have on my phone are probably going to be taken to the grave lol. This one is on my Gdocs which might be easier to read, but asdfghkkh why would anyone even want to https://docs.google.com/document/d/18W7SzpkRr1x9hpgTfb7eBENe5ZtyCoRRmuqso_GfmGE/edit?usp=sharing/

#bediguda #too embarassed to tag anything else lol

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mitchievousness · 2 years

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#might actually kill myself today #bye tumblr blorbos i love you all even if i havent actually talked to any of u #tw #tw suicide #tw suicide attempt #maybe idk #idk what else to tag #pls dont continue if ur sensitive bc this is gonna get dark #anyways #not saying whh but yeah #its unfortunate that there arent any nearby buildings that are high enough to ensure that ill actually die #i could hang myself but i cant find a strong enough hook for me to hang from #and im too much of a pussy to take a knife to my throat so like thats out #fucking shit this is so cliche but i cant even kill myself properly and wow really does show how much of a failure i am #like lmao can you imagine tryibg to kill yourself and failing lol how embarassing #sigh idk i just want a quick death man #preferably painless but idk maybe i do need to suffer #....no tge entire reason i wanna die is to stop my sufferibg gods fuck im just so tired #disassociated for like 3 hours earlier and. hm. idk i dont rlly feel anything rn #will update tags if i spiral again #or not if i succeed #update: i did not succeed :-)#i may not have the guts to take a blade to my skin but gripping my arm with my sharp af nails so tightly it actually leaves puncture wounds #is enough

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swanqueensalad · 3 years

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Fic Writer Review

I was tagged by the lovely @oceanandarock <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

14!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

379527

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

on ao3, only 3! ouat (swan queen), the walking dead (caryl) and a series of unfortunate events which i am not proud of but i was Going Through Something lol

4. Top five fics by kudos?

1) Never Give Up - this was my first big swan queen fic! but in retrospect i’m not that proud of it. i wrote it when i was 16 and i haven’t been able to bring myself to reread it, but i’m pretty sure it’s quite ableist and problematic. (i have put that disclaimer on it now)

2) we’re setting fire to our insides for fun - my intermediate multichap. i have mixed feelings about this one - did i have to go so hard on the angst? - but the fact it took me like 2 years to finish BUT I DID still makes me proud lmao

3) rise and fall - i’ll admit i do like this one still. classic soulmate au one shot set in season 1/2.

4) all you never say - i guess y’all like my soulmate aus? this one is more of a rambly character study masquerading as a soulmate au tho so

5) After the End - my current baby! a slow burn AU. v happy this is being well received especially as we are still in the early days. (yes ik the latest chapter is late af but i’m getting there!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/Why not?

always! i try to respond to every single one, sometimes i’ll miss one if it’s small/i’m tired but i try! i think it creates a nice sense of community and it’s great to find out what’s landing/what people want. also it’s so sweet that people take the time to comment and i wanna acknowledge that.

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i’m a sucker for happy endings, but between the thunder and the lightning (the asoue one shot) is literally full of canon angst, and i’d say setting fire to our insides has a happy ending but with a lot of bittersweetness & is my angstiest fic overall.

7. Do you write crossovers?

nope, just not my thing!

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

luckily not!

9. Do you write smut?

hmmm... i’ve not published anything with explicit smut in it but uh, ya girl might have some stuff on her laptop she’s too embarassed to upload... 🙈 also i have a feeling After the End may require some spice down the line...

10. Ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so!

11. Ever had a fic translated?

i don’t think so but now this has come up i have a feeling someone did ask to translate never give up into french? i’m not sure if they actually did. this was so long ago that i honestly can’t remember. does that make me a terrible person? if u did and that was u i am flattered!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

no, i personally don’t think i could

13. All time favourite ship?

swan queen, of course <3

14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Enchanted! i was on such a roll with the first few chapters then life and other WIPs took over - maybe i will someday though. I also have a Neverland AU fic i’ve been writing on and off for ages but it’s so hefty i’m not sure it’ll ever see the light of day!

15. Writing strengths?

hmm... maybe descriptions? i think i naturally write with quite flowery and detailed prose - this is also kinda a weakness though because i’ve had to work to balance that with action/dialogue in a decent way.

16. Writing weaknesses?

maybe pacing? i think i get caught up in things and go a bit all over the place. also, if i’m doing something character-studyish i will RAMBLE like no other.

17. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language?

sadly i only speak english, so anything in another language is translated online and thus probably not very accurate!

18. First fandom you ever wrote for?

i actually think it was merlin!

19. What is your favourite fic you’ve written so far?

my own writing cringes me out so... idk... i’m gonna say After The End because i’m having a really fun time writing it right now.

i’m gonna tag @fancyfanstuff if ya feel like it, and anyone else who wants to do it!

#this was kinda fun to reflect on!#personal #fic

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3hobbitsinatrenchcoat · 4 years

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Rules: Tag 10 other blogs you want to learn more about! (Gray note: I will not be doing this probably because I am a nervous bean.)

Got tagged by @hunklejunk. Thanks! ^^

Name: Gray (It’s derivative of my legal name, which I don’t... really want out on the internet as a whole.)

Nicknames: Hobbit, technically Gray is a nickname XD

Star sign: Aries

Gender: lol what’s gender? I identify as genderqueer, sometimes refer to myself as genderfucked. Just... somewhere on the nonbinary sliding scale tbh.

Height: 4′11.75″ (five foot when I wear shoes)

Sexual Orientation: Short answer? Pan. Long answer? Fuck around and find out.

Fav Color: Blue so dark it’s nearly black.

Current Time: 1:02 AM

Current Location: A Blue Georgia, baby.

Average Hours of Sleep: hahahahahahahaha somewhere between 4 and 12.

Lucky number: 5

Last thing I googled: UH..... *checks google* how to hide art on deviantart because it was embarassing

Number of blankets I sleep with: sheet, comforter, quilt, weighted blanket. So technically 4 layers.

Fav Fictional Characters: too many to list. But basically any hobbit, the Pines twins, and Leonard Bones McCoy. Just to start XD

Fav bands/artists: Brobdingnagian Bards, Blackmore’s Night, Daft Punk, Within Temptation... literally anything celtic. Ok, look I will listen to anything including experimental Ancient Egyptian musical recreation. It’s really hard to pick favorites.

Dream Job: Being realistic? Cubicle Monkey. I really just wanna paper push all day so I can do other things that I like more. But dreaming? I wanna be a writer.

Random Fact: I read comfortably at speeds up to 700wpm, and my average is somewhere around 500wpm. The normal average is usually between 200 and 300 wpm.

Do you have any other blogs? I have a few dead urls floating around. And a hunkle sideblog. Nothing I’m gonna link here.

When did your blog reach it’s peak? Not yet.

What made you decide to get tumblr? I needed an outlet for Gravity Falls stuff and everywhere else doesn’t let me tag-block the nasty shit.

Do you get asks on a daily basis? I wish. :(

Why did you choose your URL? I am but 3 hobbits stacked inside a trenchcoat. :3

I will not be tagging anyone but if you wanna say I did and do this, go ahead. ^^

#about the cryptid in residence

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hughiecampbelle · 4 years

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Which of your fics?

I was tagged by @locke-writes Noah!!! My love, thank you!!! Honestly, idk what's so therapeutic about looking back at old writing, but this made me appreciate it so much more!!! This is such a fun, lovely tag game and I'm so grateful to have been a part of it!!! Xoxoxo💜💖💜💖💜💖💜

Did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it did?

Well. . . . recently I've been feeling like everything kind of flops, y'know? I'd hate to sound whiny, but I get so excited to post something, and then it doesn't do as nearly as well as I'd thought. Crash and Burn (Lila Pitts Oneshot), Live and Breathe (Michael Gray Oneshot), and Temporary (Bonnie Gold Oneshot) are three that come to mind/are pretty recent 💜

Got a better reaction than you were expecting?

Knee Socks (Five Hargreeves Drabble) for sure!!! I've never had a fic kind of blow up like that, and considering it was a drabble and my blog was a lot smaller, its still mind boggling. Nicknames (Erik Killmonger Drabble), Emotional Whore (Thomas Shelby Oneshot) and Wicked Pt. 1 (Thomas Shelby Oneshot) also did incredibly well, which is always a shock, especially when I feel so insecure and unsure about posting it/think about deleting it 💖

Your funniest?

I don't really consider any of them funny? A more lighthearted one I'm still fond of is House Party (Billy Hargrove Oneshot). Ngl, I love it for a lot of reasons, but especially the quotes/dialogue. I know its not the best in general, but it's one of my biggest weaknesses as a writer and I'm glad I could work on it in this 💕

Your darkest or angstiest?

I think I might have a thing for writing dark things :P the most recent would be Clawfoot (Arthur Shelby Oneshot) where I was in a really dark mentality and it was written over a period of months as a means of therapy. It was both dark and intimate, so I didn't include a tag list. Older/earlier ones might be Hypothermia (Thomas Shelby Oneshot), Unhinged (Geralt of Rivia Oneshot), Childs Play (Klaus Hargreeves Drabble), and Too Late (Nebula Drabble). I have a lot, and more lol, so there's no shortage of angst!!! 💌

Your absolute favorite?

Oh I have so many for so many different reasons!!! I like some small lines, or plots, little details!!! I have no order for these, and these are three off the top of my head, but Cloud Animals (Luther Hargreeves Drabble), Blood Sport (Bonnie Gold Oneshot), and Over Before You Knew It (John Shelby Oneshot) 🌼

Was easiest to write?

I think as time goes on writing longer things has been easier, which is crazy, because I used to never think I'd never make it past 500 words, and now I mainly write oneshots! I can't say for sure the easiest. Some I didn't have to work so long on, like The Empath (Diego Hargreeves Drabble) or Volatile (Diego Hargreeves Drabble). Both are Diego lol, but these come to mind first when I think of something where the story kind of wrote itself 🌈

Was hardest to write?

Ahhh idk why, but anything with Dick Grayson. Animosity (Dick Grayson Drabble) or Hereditary (Dick Grayson Drabble). I felt like I never wrote him well as a character, among so many others, so writing anything for him that I could also be proud of was always a challenge. Some I feel like I know through and through, and others I have the hardest time wtiting/connecting with 💔

Have you re-read the most?

I don't really reread a lot of them. Some of the oldest like Napkin Artist (Steve Rogers Drabble), Vormir (Gamora Drabble), or Clairvoyance (Marvel Drabble). I like to revisit, especially the ones with a lot of comments/feedback, but most I'm either too embarrassed of or post and never look at again 😳

Would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

Hmmm. . . . I'm not entirely sure. I think I'd definitely promote some from all different fandoms and all different times, but especially the first one I ever wrote :) I'm probably being too sentimental, but without that first step, I never would have started any of this! 200+ fics later 💟

Napkin Artist (Steve Rogers Drabble)

Vormir (Gamora Drabble)

I'm On My Own (Tony Stark Drabble)

Clairvoyance (Marvel Drabble)

Crying Over Spilt Milk (Diego Hargreeves Drabble)

Knee Socks (Five Hargreeves Drabble)

House Party (Billy Hargrove Drabble)

Dirt Nap (Arthur Shelby Oneshot)

Unhinged (Geralt of Rivia Oneshot)

Honey, Baby, Sweetheart (Alfie Solomons Drabble)

Wake Up (Alfie Solomons Drabble)

Some are repeats! But I like them enough to mention again!!!

Tagging! @murswrites @multi-fandom-iimagines @theshelbyclan @peak-a-blinder @writerdream22 @writeroutoftime @writingwithacupoftea @smallheathgangsters @swanimagines @multifandomwriter56. @peakyswritings+ anyone else!!! This is so fun to look back on writing, seeing how I've grown and improved, even if it is a lil embarassing/cringey lol 🌷

#writing #tagged #tag game #dl

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oldwordz · 4 years

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2020 in review

i was tagged by @7rc! love a good tag meme thank you very much :)

my top 5 movies this year:

arrival (2016)

a quiet place (2018)

only lovers left alive (2013)

1917 (2019)

contagion (2011)

i think i watched more movies this year than any other year of my life. except maybe when i was a child. hard to remember. it’s still not that many and i saw almost all of them in march lol

top 5 tv shows this year:

lucifer

barbarians

castlevania

i can’t remember anything else so i will assume it wasn’t very good!

top 5 songs this year:

god’s chariots - oklou

the ghost of you - mcr

i say a little prayer - aretha franklin

carey - joni mitchell

pillars - sunny day real estate

feel like this is a good place to mention that my family put up with my dad playing the 26 minute version of tubular bells at christmas but when i follow that with the ending of dramamine they’re all conveniently in agreement that it’s time to go watch a movie

top 5 books this year:

i’m not going to embarass myself and list all the kids books i reread for the nth time, but i did listen to a podcast lady read dracula this summer and that was very good :)

top 5 experiences this year:

definitely the job i had this summer working on a remote site! bears, trees, boats, driving the electric side by sides all over site, mucking around, hot springs, waterfall, good cooking 3 meals a day, float plane commute, weird but interesting people, 10/10 one of my favourite things i’ve done ever tbh and will be hard to top unless i marry rich or learn skills (ha)

i guess our roadtrip to portland last year counts because we were there over last new years. i broke my phone right before, so i took all my pictures with 2 disposable cameras which was actually pretty special even if some of them didn’t turn out

learned to drive finally. im taking my n test in three weeks actually and then i can drive solo, ayyyy

started knitting again and then in the fall also started weaving. i made my mom a pair of socks for helping me with my job this summer and was actually very pleased with how they turned out :)

almost forgot i went on a hiking trip! we did two nights camping along the beach. rats tried to eat our food and i got sap on my shorts. it was awesome

well it sure was a year. i’ll be honest i’m not looking forward to a somewhat boring and lonely winter. but this too shall pass

i’m gonna tag new to tumblr friend @toddcity. cam’s first tag meme somebody take a picture. also @brovum and @batsghoulsandghosties

#:)

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oooocleo · 4 years

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OC asks from a while ago...(;

decided to compile them so i dont spam you guys w lots of asks - ive tagged the folks who asked the questions in case theyre curious abt the answers haha

ive put them under a read more since i got more than i expected.. tysm if you end up reading through it all!

🌅 (Shirin) - What is your OCs favourite time of day? Are they a morning person or a night owl? (@norskseven)

Shirin is definitely a night owl! He works by candlelight, late into the night...thats y he needs glasses...... his favourite time of day is probably midnight/when all is quiet and he can work w.o being disturbed, plus noam’s hair looks nice by moonlight (:

🧸 (Hetty) - On a scale of 1 - 10, how ‘soft’ is your OC? 1 being the edgiest of edges and 10 being a literal teddy bear that cries at everything? (Bonus questions, where on the scale would your OC place themselves, and where would they like to be on the scale?) (anon)

Hetty would very much resent this but shes gotta be on the softer side of the scale..... maybe a 7? she doesnt usually Behave very softly but shes a bag of tears on the inside - very practiced at Wrenching That Down though

shed place herself where shed want to be, which would be around 4 😂

💡 (Noam) - How does your OC enact plans? Do they plan down to the smallest details, or do the wing it? (anon)

Noam does zero planning, completely wings it, rolls with anything that happens.. he can follow someone else’s plan though if anything deviates it might.....escalate quickly........... because he’ll still want to get to the intended goal 💁‍♀️

🩸 (Sura) - Does your OC believe in blood being thicker than water? (meaning family relationships and loyalties are the most important) (@shurimancurator)

Sura’s direct relatives aren’t around anymore, but he very much clings onto the importance of family & the feeling of belonging he had when he was still with them - when he finds the people that have his surname its very important to him to foster that familial bond

🩸 (Ezra) (anon)

ezra has a definition of family that is broader than just the people they are directly related to 🤔 they are very very loyal to those they consider family, but that may also be their childhood friend, their sisters’ spouse, etc

🌋 (Hetty) - What’s your OCs temper like? Are they a slow boil, or an instant explosion? (@shurimancurator)

The Slowest Boil... she is very restrained so she doesnt confront a lot of things that make her angry (at least not @ the source of it)... she just glares when she thinks she can away with it lmao.. when it becomes too much she does reach a breaking point which involves angry tears

🍹 (Sura) - Does your OC drink? If so, what’s their drink of choice? (@shurimancurator)

Sura’s vice is drinking for sure, he holds his liquor well but its not a good thing lol............. he tends to go for whisky, bourbon, sometimes port or wine

his behaviour doesnt change massively but he shows his mean streak more

✂️ (Ezra) - What kind of thing would have your OC cut someone out of their life? How likely are they to let someone back in? (anon)

i think ezra would distance themselves from people who a hurtful to the ones around them (not necessarily to ezra themselves?), esp if ezra liked those people 🤔 they’d also find betrayal of their family/elves in general very hard to forgive.. they definitely wouldnt Forget it happened even if they give them a second chance in the spirit of fairness

✂️ (Hetty) (anon)

hetty would do anything to avoid this situation... she is So wary of actually letting people close enough to be able to hurt her & would be very frustrated with herself for not.. seeing a betrayal of trust coming i guess?

when Noam turns out to have been keeping A Very Big Secret from her, she doesn’t think she’ll ever forgive him but ofc... he was her best friend...and hes very sad and guilty abt it........and also her annoyance is redirected at Shirin when he forgives Noam first while still having massive scars on his throat

✂️ (Sura) (anon)

sura trusts his instincts a lot when it comes to putting himself in others’ hands - how much of himself he entrusts depends on the person, and the less it is the easier it is for himself to cut folks off when they do things he doesnt like

once he passes a certain threshold though, hes pretty much All In & will understand and forgive until hes blue in the face

🎭 (Ezra) - Does your OC show different sides of themselves to different people? (anon)

kind of yes! they are generally very professional/capable/someone to look up to and admire & they foster this image because of their duties.. theyll yanno.. cover their mouth when they laugh unless its in front of close friends/family when they emote more freely

📎 (Sura, Hetty) - How organised is your OC? Do they keep on top of responsibilities, or leave things to the last minute? (anon)

Hetty is not particularly organised Or disorganised.. its not a huge priority to her but she gets embarassed if its too messy (reminds her of Shirins pigsty habits)

Sura hasnt had to do a lot of organising in his life but has a lot of.. house-husband qualities so i think hed do just fine

💬 (Sura, Hetty) - Is your OC much of a talker? Do they only speak when spoken to? (Or not even then?) Do they ever talk over others? (anon)

Sura is definitely a talker, he knows very well how to speak to people to get his way & will talk over others if it serves a purpose 💁‍♀️ he also gets into the habit of expressing himself a lot around Hetty, Noam and Shirin bc they can’t read the flower language on his skin that telegraphs his feelings

Hetty only really talks when she feels comfortable.. even then shes not super chatty - Speaking Up about things if a very big thing for her and requires a lot of prep usually lol.. she would feel bad about talking over someone but might still do it

#cleo talks #oc questions #theres a lot skjfgdfg

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inevitably-johnlocked · 5 years

Note

Hi! Can you rec some canon slow burn fics? I love that kind of thing, friends to lovers, case fics etc. I am also new to the fandom and let me tell you - your blog is amazing. ♡

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: Hi Steph, do you know of any slow build/first proclamation of love fics? Preferably told from Sherlock’s POV or a mix of both, something like “A Road Less Traveled” by verityburns? Thanks

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: do you know any really long slow burn fics that don’t have smut? sorry i really just don’t like smut cause im ace

Hi Nonnies!

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words about my blog, Nonny 1!! I’m glad you’re enjoying it, and welcome to the fandom!!

Second of all, of course I can rec y’all some slow burn fics! I’ve a lot of them! I’ll just give them all to you, and y’all can filter out the AU fics / POV fics, etc. because I always write in my tags if it’s an AU / POV fic if I remember :)

Nonny 3, just check out the fics below for anything not rated above T, and you should be good

Love you, Nonnies, and I hope you find something you’re looking for! (thought I did LOL) so I’ve added it to my MFL section!

FALLING IN LOVE / SLOW BURN / DEV. REL.

See also:

T-RATED Pt. 1: Friends To Lovers Fics || [MOBILE LINK]

Friends to Lovers [FULL POST] || [MOBILE POST]

First Time || [MOBILE]

John Will Never Forget by gelos (bia_mpinto) (NR, 244 w. || Fluff, First Time, Love Confessions) – John will never forget Sherlock’s everything.

Of Locks and Keys by Youarethelightoftheworld (G, 574 w. || H/C, Angst, Falling in Love, Friendship) – He listens to the steady beating of John’s heart and thinks of his own; weak and vulnerable, but aching to be released.

A Need To Know Basis by mattsloved1 (G, 934 w. || Humour, Romance) – As the cab door shut firmly, the DI had yelled out they were to make an appearance at Scotland Yard the next day. It was while John watched London pass by that it happened.

Moonshine by CKLizzy (T, 1,408 w. || Cuddling / Snuggling, Touching, Dev. Rel., Bed Sharing, Comfort, Touching) – Sometimes, routines changed. Sequel to “Nightfall”. Part 2 of Solace

I love you, I say by khoshekhskitten (G, 1,576 w. || Pre & Post TRF, Hurt / Comfort, First Kiss, Love Confessions) – “I love you” is a phrase that follows John Watson through his life with Sherlock Holmes.

Blanket Burrito by All_I_need (G, 1,894 w. || Tooth Rotting Fluff, Pining Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Sort-Of Love Confession) – John, a blanket-wrapped burrito of laughing sunshine in a ratty t-shirt, notices. Of all the moments for him to be observant, this is the one he chooses.

Five Times Sherlock gave John a Pebble and One Time John Returned the Gesture by grimmfairy (NR, 1,895 w. || Love Confessions, Penguins and Pebbles, Nervous / Pining Sherlock, Oblivious John) – Sherlock isn’t good with words, so he decides to tell John his feelings the way penguins do, by bringing him pebbles with different meanings. John catches on.

Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil by PipMer (T, 1,895 w. || Deaf John, Mute Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Romance, Fluff and Angst, Character Study, Morse Code, Love Confessions) – John is deaf. Sherlock is mute. There are no two people more suited for each other.

Duvet (green) by Mazarin221b (G, 2,021 w. || Post-THoB, Mind Palace, Revelations, First Kiss) – Sherlock recalibrates and restructures his mind palace so it looks like 221b. What he chooses to put in John’s room is a bit of a surprise, and a revelation.

The Importance of Torn Papers by MyLittleCornerOfSherlock (G, 2,427 w || Pre-Slash, Love Declarations, Fluff) – Little things make a big difference, even little notes of thanks. Small reminders to show he cares.

Where You Are by Mazarin221b (E, 2,478 w. || Beach Sex, First Time, Fluff, Smut, Holidays, Pining) – He can admit he’s secretly a little glad Sherlock didn’t come with him. He needs a break. Sherlock is a handful at the best of times, and the near-constant apologizing, fixing, dealing-with, and following up on is exhausting. The near-constant unrequited attraction is a bit exhausting, too, to be honest, and John could really use a tiny bit of rest from the relentless hammering on his brain and heart.

Wish I Was In Heaven Sitting Down by standbygo (M, 3,282 w. || Post-S4, Five Plus One, Missing Scenes, Parenthood, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, Declarations of Love, Fluff, Food, John Whump) – Five times when Sherlock and John ate together, and one time they didn’t. A history of the boys, in food.

A Bit of Indulgence by beltainefaerie (NR, 3,364 w. || Fake Relationship, Pride Parade, Declarations of Love, Fluff, Dev. Rel., Case Fic) – A case leads John and Sherlock to fake being boyfriends and John runs into an old acquaintance.

nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands by miss_frankenstein (T, 3,731 w. || Kissing in the Rain, Angst With Happy Ending) – In which John and Sherlock finally confront their feelings for each other - as only they would do - in the pouring rain.

Tell Me a Secret, Sherlock Holmes. by DaringlyDomestic (NR, 3,880 w. || Love Confessions, Truth or Dare, Smut, Gentle Explicit Love, Microscopic Angst) – John’s voice is low and seductive, sending a shiver of want crackling through his stomach. Sherlock’s heart beats frantically against his ribcage, and his breathing grows fast as he feels John’s lips flutter against the sensitive skin of his neck. The kiss, if it could really be called that, is so quick and so light that Sherlock is almost convinced he had imagined it. Part 9 of Tumblr Drabble Challenge

Five Times John Cooked Something with Peas and One First Kiss by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for (T, 3,915 w. || 5 and Ones, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Cooking / Food, Sick Sherlock, Music, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss) – After John cooks five dinners that slowly reveal their hunger for each other, Sherlock and John finally share a first kiss.

Jukebox by standbygo (T, 3,990 w. || Fluff, Singing/Music, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Humour, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss) – After the music halls of Sherlock’s mind palace get damaged by accident, John learns that Sherlock never forgets a song. Even the ones he’d rather forget. But the random singalong brings some unexpected benefits.

The Sum of His Parts by CommonNonsense (T, 4,311 w. || Body Worship, Pining, First Time) – There are eleven major organ systems in the human body. Sherlock knows about all of them to some degree, but none fascinate him as much as the ones that make up John Watson.

Law of Reciprocals by thequeergiraffe (T, 4,377 w. || Fluff, Angst) – “Law of Reciprocals, is it? You’ve saved my life enough times. I figure, turnabout’s fair play.” Sherlock finds ways to reciprocate his appreciation of John.

Overture by Kate_Lear (M, 4,435 w. || First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Angry John, Introspection, Dev. Rel., Embarassed / Insecure Sherlock, Morning After, Bed Sharing, Cuddles / Limpet Sherlock) – A short snippet on how John and Sherlock might have got together.

A Quiet Murmuration by cathedral_carver (T, 4,684 w. || Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Kissing) – Just pay me back with one thousand kisses.

Confessions by crimsonwinter (T, 4,711 w. || Love Confessions, Fluff) – John and Sherlock finally confess their love for each other.

How Will I Know? by eragon19 (E, 4,895 w. || Pining, Love Confessions, POV Sherlock, Fluff, Sherlock’s Imagination, Papa Lestrade) – Here was the problem: Sherlock Holmes was completely and irrevocably in love with John Watson, and he had absolutely no idea how to tell him.

Laid Bare by esplanade (T, 6,529 w. || Romance, Fluff, Pining, Angst) – “I suppose it comes as no surprise that I always rather detested grand romantic gestures. They struck me as unnecessary and contrived, feeble attempts at desperately holding together relationships, most of which should have been allowed to fall apart.”

where the good things grow by anchors (M, 7,066 w. || Alternate First Meeting, Magical Realism, Gardens, Tea, Friends to Lovers) – “I have a magic garden.” As come-ons go, John’s heard worse.

Speak My Language by Itsallfine (T, 7,479 w. || Thanksgiving, Love Languages, Love Confessions, First Kiss) – When Mrs. Hudson introduces John and Sherlock to the concept of the five love languages, Sherlock descends into a dark mood and John’s curiosity gets the better of him. What is Sherlock’s love language, and why does the whole concept set him so on edge? Part 1 of A Holiday Triptych]

Unwasted by patternofdefiance (E, 8,966 w. || Post-S3 / S3 Fix-It, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Angelo’s, Fluff, First Time, Anal, Cum Play, Flashbacks to ASiB, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Bottomlock, Cuddles, Multiple Orgasms, BJ’s, Bed Sharing) – John finds it three months after he’s moved back. He’s on the hunt for something to make for dinner, is scrounging through the cupboards, when he happens upon the graveyard of pasta boxes Sherlock still seems to create when left to his own devices. Behind seven boxes of pasta, all almost completely empty, is a dark-glassed bottle, with a paler coat of dust.It’s unopened. John’s face falls slack when he sees it, instantly recognises it, and for a long moment he just stands and looks at it.

Inked in Memory by 221b_hound (E, 9,716 w. || Post-HLV, Tattoos, First Kiss / Time, Anal, Cuddling, Scars, Captain John, Kissing, Switchlock) – John has been back at Baker Street for a year, following the debacle that ended in Mary’s death. Things are good. Back almost to what they used to be. Sherlock might wish they were something else, now, but he only has himself to blame, he thinks. It’s too late, now, for the things he first denied before he’d ruined any chances he might have had. Sherlock also thinks that people who get tattoos are idiots. But perhaps he’s about to learn a thing or two, not least of which might be it’s not as late as he thinks it is. Part 1 of Lock and Key

Ravish Me by amalnahurriyeh (E, 10,025 w. || UST / RST, Makeup / Lipstick, Sympathetic Sally, Experiments, Pining John, First Kiss, Face Fucking / BJ’s, Cuddling) – Sherlock is experimenting with patterns of wear on lipstick in daily encounters. John is going to go insane.

You fit me, Sherlock Holmes by orphan_account (G, 10,077 w. || Fluff, Slow Burn, Idiots in Love, Experiments) – An unfortunate series of events leads to John accepting being a part of Sherlock’s study in physical intimacy. As the days pass by, John realizes he might be in for more than he bargained for. He doesn’t entirely mind.

The River Variations by withoutawish (T, 11,619 w. || Soulmates, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Three Garridebs, Romance, Light Case Fic, Near Death Experience, Angst and Fluff) – John Watson never knew that he wanted a ‘no toast in the mornings’ normal until he realized what an honor it is to be destroyed by Sherlock Holmes.

The Nutcracker by Odamaki (T, 13,758 w. || Nutcracker AU || Christmas, Dark Magic, Dolls) – Sherlock is unimpressed with Uncle Rudy’s present. A doll? What does he want with a doll?

Pattern Behaviour by SilentAuror (E, 14,835 w. || POV First Person Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Introspection, Stroppy Sherlock, Light Humour, Friendship, John Takes Care of Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Wall Kisses, Fluffy Angst, Happy Ending) – Sherlock doesn’t even know why he resents John’s dates so much. Until the day he does know. Slight angst, unrequited feelings (but don’t let that scare you off!)

Merlot by Itsallfine (E, 14,844 w. || Christmas, Pining Sherlock, Wine, Slow Burn, First Kiss / Time, Love Confessions, Wine, Holmes Family) – Sherlock and John work toward becoming something more as they prepare to host the Holmes parents at 221B for the holidays. Part of 25 Days of Fic-Mas 2015.

Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E, 15,139 w. || Fake Relationship, Christmas, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Angst & Fluff, BJ’s, Anal) – John is invited to his aunt’s Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John’s family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock.

Everlasting by cypress_tree (M, 16,884 w. || Magical Realism, First Time, Immortality, Angst & Fluff) – Most lives end. A Tuck Everlasting fusion, in which the Holmes brothers have lived for a very, very long time.

Uncharted Territory by J_Baillier (T, 19,603 w. || Dystopian Future / Black Mirror AU || Angst, Drama, Homophobia, Bisexuality, Technology, Humour, Romance, Near Future, Happy Ending) – The System puts people through a series of assigned relationships in order to determine who their Perfect Match is. John believes that it works; Sherlock really, really doesn’t. One of them is probably going to be wrong.

At the Heart of it All by SilentAuror (E, 19,812 w. || Virgin Sherlock, Post S3, POV John, Domestics, First Time, Kissing, Romance) – John has been back at Baker Street for four months now and thinks it’s about time they had the Talk to see whether or not they could be more than friends. Sherlock has a lot of uncertainty about this concept for multiple reasons. Unabashed romance.

Through the Clouds by Mazarin221b (E, 20,004 w. || Retirement, Sussex, Bees, Home Improvement, First Time, Romance) – Sherlock takes a remarkably early retirement at 47, and convinces John that a change of pace would do them both good. They buy an old cottage on the South Downs, and exchange their nonstop life in Baker Street for quiet contemplation, bee studies, and book writing. They might go completely insane, but sometimes it takes stepping outside of the life you’re living to find the life you want. Part 1 of Through The Clouds

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (E, 20,121 w. || Original Male Character, Sherlock Woos John, Jealous Sherlock, Reluctant Bi-John, Past Abuse, Insecure John, Reassuring / Caring Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Understanding Sherlock) – John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.

whiskies neat by Ellipsical (E, 20,660 w. || Alternate First Meeting, POV Second Person Sherlock, Slow Burn, One Night Stand, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Anal, Soldier John, Crying, Emotional Lovemaking, Switchlock) – Home and hearth and whiskies neat, or, alternatively, Sherlock Holmes falls in love.

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock’s parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

Sonatina in G Minor by SilentAuror (E, 22,574 w. || Case Fic, POV Sherlock, Angst, UST, Sherlock’s Violin, Post-S3, Romance) – John has come back to Baker Street, but Sherlock doesn’t understand the strange tension between them, even after he begins teaching John to play the violin at John’s request.

Maintaining A Personal Life by Gingerhermit (E, 24,284 w. || Alternating POV’s, Bisexuality, BAMF!John, Romance / Drama, Sort-of Case Fic, Peril & Angst, Love Confessions, Toplock, Soft Idiots in Love, Post S3) – Sherlock and John discover some interesting revelations about each other’s sexuality, which lead them both to question the assumptions they’ve made about one another for years. In the midst of their mutual discoveries, a dangerous psychopath looms on the side-lines who threatens to destroy their new beginning.

Tomorrow’s Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?)

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w. || Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.

Dropping the Act by jadztone (T, 27,258 w. || Parentlock, Fake Relationship, Mary’s Family, Post-S4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bed Sharing, Pining, Christmas) – Sherlock and John are quite happy living together with Rosie in Baker St. They might be even happier if they didn’t act towards each other like their love is only platonic. Mycroft brings troubling news in the form of Mary’s parents wanting to know just what their grandchild’s home life is like. The boys decide to spend Christmas pretending like they are in love in order to seem more like a “normal” family. It’s easy enough to pretend when all you’re doing is dropping the act.

Don’t Leave Anything Out by lookupkate (E, 27,422 w. || Epistolary, Falling in Love, Misunderstandings, Alternate First Meeting) – The first letter John writes home from Afghanistan is meant to go to a woman he went on only one date with. How it ends up in Sherlock’s hands is completely innocent. What happens next is not. What do you do when you find out the person you’re in love with has been lying about something as monumental as who they are? What do you do when you’re the one who lied? How on earth do you put the pieces back together?

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

Another Auld Lang Syne by DiscordantWords (M, 30,234 w. || Post S4, Mutual Pining, Alternating POV, Introspection, Parentlock, Christmas, New Year’s, First Kiss, Past Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending, Drinking, Sherlock Whump) – There had been years of missed chances.

The Kissing Disease by cottonballz_of_death (E, 30,856 || Sickfic, Angst with Happy Ending, Case Fic, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Jealous Sherlock, Body Image Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional H/C, POV Sherlock, Oral / Anal, Thong, Frottage) – John brings home a boyfriend, shocking Sherlock, who long ago gave up hope that his straight flatmate would ever take a romantic interest in him. In a bid to reconnect with John, he tries to infect himself with a “harmless” virus. Neither of them is prepared for the emotional fallout that results.

Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein (T, 31,987 w. || College/Uni AU || Professor John, Ph.D Student Sherlock, Pining John, Poetry, Falling in Love / Slow Burn, Light Angst, Happy Ending) – John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Five Times They Kissed for a Case, and One Time They Kissed for Real by fleetwood_mouse (M, 32,406 w. || 5+1, Slow Burn, Fluff / Angst, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers) – A stolen ring! An artful blogger! And many more adventures for your enjoyment.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. “You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie’s class and you won’t have to share a room with a stranger?” “Exactly.” Sherlock beamed at him. “Don’t worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us.”

Bedtime Stories by Liketheriver (M, 34,388 w. || Emotional H/C, Romance, Angst & Humour, Bed Sharing, John First Person, TRF, John Whump) – John’s POV during Season 2 and beyond when Sherlock takes up semi-permanent residence in his bed. A collection of codas and missing scenes wrapped up into one long fic and topped with a bow that takes the story beyond Reichenbach and into happy territory once more. Part 1 of Bedtime Universe

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice) – Clara’s American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she’s also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she’s placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock (E, 36,157 w. || Howl’s Moving Castle AU || Witches and Wizards, Slow Burn, Magic, Jealous John, Happy Ending, Bed Sharing) – “I’m looking for a castle,” John informed the scarecrow. “A moving one.”Except that, as it turned out, it was not a moving one at all.

Nothing to Make a Song About by emmagrant01 (E, 36,833 w. || Post-TRF, First Time, Reunion, Jealous John, Pining Sherlock, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending) – When Sherlock returned from his faked death, John could not forgive him for the deception and broke off their friendship. Ten years later, John returns to London in search of yet another new beginning. Sherlock, not surprisingly, is waiting.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

Act IV by SilentAuror (E, 39,707 w. || First Person POV Sherlock, HLV Fix-It, Indifelity, Angst, Drama) – After Sherlock is shot, John moves back into Baker Street. They spend the autumn together as John tries to make sense of his life and make some important decisions about both Mary and Sherlock. Canon-compliant, excerpts from His Last Vow.

In the Still of the Night by SilentAuror (E, 42,234 w. || S4 Fix It / Post-S4, Sherlock POV, Angst, Drama, Romance, Virgin Sherlock, Awkwardness, Misunderstandings / Miscommunications, Case Fic, Travelling, Pining) – As locals on the Northeastern coast begin to report UFO sightings, life at Baker Street becomes significantly awkward as John brings up his desire for more than friendship and Sherlock refuses him. They embark on the investigation from the confines of the tiny cottage Mycroft has rented for them, attempting to navigate both the clues of the case as well as their own inability to communicate…

The Soul Remembers by i_ship_an_armada (E, 43,636 w. || Oblivion AU || Post-Apocalypse, Movie Fusion, Science Fiction, Action/Adventure, Angst, Dreams, Bittersweet Ending) – John Watson is the lone security repairman stationed on a desolate, nearly-ruined future Earth. His dreams are plagued by a tall, dark-haired man, and when his dreams meet reality, he will be forced to question everything he believes is the truth about his life.

Sentenced by SarahKnight (T, 44,777 w. || Dev. Rel., Alternate S4 Canon, Drama, Angst, Pining, Feelings are Hard) – Virtual series 4 opener. Sherlock’s in prison being targeted by a murderer, John’s married to a pregnant assassin and Moriarty’s back.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case … and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst (T, 47,798 w. || Fake Relationship, Slow Burn, Post TRF Angst) – Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock’s faked death and return.

The Pieces That Fall to Earth by Itsallfine (M, 49,513 w. || S4 Fix-It, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Past Abuse, Coming Out, Questioning Sexuality, Mental Health Issues / Therapy, Angst, Happy Ending) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most.An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete.(This fic is rated T except for one very clearly marked and easily skippable chapter, which is rated M.) Part 1 of The Pieces that Fall to Earth

Triage by scullyseviltwin (E, 51,612 w. || Character Injury, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Sherlock POV) – Sherlock’s mind goes exceedingly, devastatingly quiet and gray-blank. When he speaks it’s through a thick haze, it’s through molasses, he’s so disconnected from the words that it may as well be the unconscious shooter speaking.

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w. || Rich Sherlock AU, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Alternate First Meeting) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family’s private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it’s time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape, BAMF John) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because…new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride… prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

One Little Change by jadztone (E, 58,312 w. || ASiB Divergence, Fake Relationship, Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bi John / Gay Demisexual Sherlock, Switchlock, Alternating POV, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Love Making, Butt Plugs, Cuddles) – Our story begins right after John and Sherlock’s first meeting with Irene Adler in September. It splits off into an AU that imagines them taking a case where they act as bait to hook a killer targeting closeted gays in secret relationships. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, many things happen that have our boys wondering if maybe they have a chance with each other. Then Irene fakes her death on Christmas Eve, and things get a lot more complicated - especially since they still have a killer to catch.

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w. || Notting Hilll AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant – but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (E, 62,006 w || First Person Sherlock POV, Pining, Angst, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Sherlock Learns About Himself, Happy Ending) – Sherlock struggles with his feelings for John, makes a mistake, and learns just how important he and John are to each other. Non-BBC Mary / John, but it’s a *complicated* relationship.

This Thing All Things Devours by cypress_tree (E, 63,844 w. || In Time AU || Science Fiction, Dystopian Universe, First Meetings, Action / Adventure, Romance) – In 2169, time is money—literally. Humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, when the numbers on their arm start counting down from one year. When that time is up, they die. The only way to get more time is to earn it, borrow it, or steal it.John Watson lives day-to-day in the crowded slums of Zone 13. He never imagined living any differently—until he meets the practically-immortal Sherlock, and helps him on a case to track a local time-thief…

The Bells of King’s College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It’s only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths…

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he’s a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover’s trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world’s highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

A Case of Identity by jkay1980 (T, 91,009 w. || Fake Relationship, Post-TRF, Case Fic) – John and Sherlock have succeeded in rebuilding their friendship after Sherlock’s fake suicide, but an unusual case puts their relationship to the test. They pretend to be engaged and attend a marriage counseling workshop. Under the pretext of the case, Sherlock turns out to be a master of seduction, and John finally learns he might like Sherlock more than he thought. Slowly, John discovers that he loves Sherlock not only in a friendly, brotherly way, but both men have to fight their own demons before they can think of taking their relationship to a new level…

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w. || Alternate Future AU || , Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It’s 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn’t need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.

A Study in Winning by Jupiter_Ash (E, 106,658 w. || Tennis AU || John POV, Dirty Talk, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Happy Ending, Sherlock Speaks French, Switchlock, Wimbledon) – John and Sherlock are professional tennis players and it’s Wimbledon. One is a broken almost was at the end of his career, the other an arrogant rising star tipped for greatness. It should have been a straightforward tournament. It really should have been. How were they to know that a chance encounter would change everything? Part 1 of Tennis

Eyes Up, Heels Down by CodenameMeretricious (E, 107,845 w. || Sports Equestrian AU || Fluff, Angst, Humour, Rider!Sherlock, Groomer!John, Show Jumping, Slow Burn, Happy Ending) – Sherlock is a top eventing rider currently training at Baker Farms. John is the new groom who’s been told to steer clear of the surly rider and his horses. Part 1 of Baker Farms

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship’s surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there’s more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin’ the eye, he has to choose… is it a pirate’s life for him?

To Light Another’s Path by BeautifulFiction (E, 128,654 w. || Post-TGG, Sick Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction / Recreational Drug Use, First Time / Kiss, Case Fic) – Teaching John to observe seems to be a losing battle, but when Sherlock falls ill and submits himself to John’s care, will he realise that there is more to life than the science of deduction? Meanwhile, there is a murder to solve, and John must try and convince Sherlock not to sacrifice his own health for the sake of the case.

Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We’re all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors ‘Verse

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn’t have much choice. There’s only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate’s secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn’t he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock’s past as events conspire to threaten their future.

MARKED FOR LATER

(these are fics I have in my MFL list for future reading and have not read them yet. Read at your own discretion).

And Then There Were Two by NimWallace (T, 10,194 w. || Post S4, Mutual Pining, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Angst, Grief / Mourning, Mystery, Cults) – It’s quiet at Baker Street. Too quiet. It’s been a year since Mary died, but only a few months since the events of the Final Problem, and Sherlock and John have fallen into a state of despairing and monotony. So when a case involving a vicious cult on the English Country side appears, they quickly jump to go undercover as Sean Harmony and John Wales. But how can Sherlock keep a delicate John from breaking? And how can John come to terms with his love for his detective? Most importantly, what really happened the night of the Final Problem?

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can’t be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade’s team and something happens that will change everything about their lives…

What Friends Do by agirlsname (E, 23,177 w. || Post-ASiP Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Infidelity, First Kiss/Time, Fluff and Smut, Cuddling and Snuggling, Platonic-to-Not-Platonic, Blow/Hand Jobs, Angst With Happy Ending) – Sherlock has never had a friend before. He didn’t even know he wanted one until John moved into 221B. But John quickly becomes essential to him, and their friendship turns more and more intimate. It’s all platonic, of course. All perfectly normal for close friends. Part 1 of the Friends series

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,505 w. || Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes & Funerals, Angst, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression and Insecurity, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock’s closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don’t need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

Focal Point by PuffleLock (E, 60,913 w. || Post-TRF Divergence / Different Reunion, POV John, Slow Burn, For a Case, Friends to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Sad Wank, Sherlock in Makeup, Dancing, Mentions of Torture / Depression / PTSD, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Scars, Rimming, Anal, Toplock, First Kiss / Time, Gay Sherlock / Bi John) – John comes home early from a medical conference to find that every once in awhile, Sherlock can surprise the hell out of him. Can John surprise him back?

First and Only by crimsonwinter (E, 68,390 w. || Kid/Teen/Unilock, Family Drama, Romance, Alternating POV, Slow Burn, Angst & Fluff, Rimming, Anal, Fingering, Grinding/Frottage, Sexual Tension, Oral, Virginity, Switchlock) – Sherlock and John have been inseparable since birth, working through life as neighborhood best friends, attached at the hip. Unfortunately, reality can break up even the closest of us, and John and Sherlock struggle through all that growing up entails. But first loves are unforgettable, and the boys come to realize that their love is the first and only they’ll ever have.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w. || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

The Road Less Traveled Series by verityburns (M, 75,130 w. across 3 works || First Kiss / Time, POV Sherlock First Person, Angst & Fluff, Romance) – Sherlock realises that John’s dating habits involve an unacceptable level of risk… what if he meets an unusually tolerant woman and ends up getting married?

Philia and Eros by distantstarlight (E, 84,660 w. || Historical AU || Friends to Lovers, Time Travel, Kilts, Possessive Behaviour, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Implied Rape/Non-Con) – Love is timeless but time isn’t necessarily linear. John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are about to embark on an unintended adventure that will take them far away from the comfortable confines of 221 B Baker Street. Part 1 of Strange Paths

How Long? by TheBritishBourbon (M, 111,010 w. || Kidnapping, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Sherlock, Protective John, PTSD Sherlock, Flashbacks, Dark Themes, Implied Torture) – Sherlock never got to jump off the roof of St. Barts, he never got the chance. Sherlock was abducted and held for 5 years, but now he has escaped. What awaits him as he returns to reality? Part 1 of How Long Universe

Did you feel it? : A soulmates AU by MorganeUK (G, 126,783 w. || Soulmates AU || Kid/Teen/Unilock, Protective Greg, Angst, Big Feels, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Mystrade, Injuries, Slow Burn, Anxious John, BAMF John, Protective John, Est. Rel., Happy Ending) – In a world where 0.01% of the population have a soulmate with whom they share pains and violent emotions… what are the odds that an ex-army doctor and an ex-addict detective open their heart and soul enough to found each others?Finally writing a twist on the soulmates trend… Hope you like it!

“Merry Christmas” I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying “I love you” by starrysummernights (E, 136,580+ w. || WIP, chapter missing? || Post S4, Slow Burn, Mary is Not Nice, Christmas, Fluff, Smut, Angst, Parentlock, Past Torture / Rape) – John has moved back into 221B with his daughter Rosie after Mary was killed, but things are not exactly comfortable between him and Sherlock. After everything that has happened, they are trying to become friends again…and maybe something more. What better time than the Christmas season?! Takes place after TLD.

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w. || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel.) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it’s a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

The Jewel in the Tower by PoppyAlexander (E, 207,079 w. || Dystopian AU, Violence, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Mild Dub Con, One World Government, Class Issues, Assassin John / Geisha Sherlock, Self Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Espionage, Miscommunication, Sexual Fantasy, Masturbation, Letters/Texting, Phone Sex, Infidelity, First Time, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Injury Recovery, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Scars, Misgendering, Happy Endings) – In a contemporary dystopia, Unity is peace – despite the fact unsanctioned information, illicit currency, and every sort of danger flows unchecked in the world’s pleasure districts. John Watson, a weary hired gun, is assigned by the mysterious Mentor to investigate a subversive element lurking in the Icehouse, the world’s most famous House of Repose. As accustomed as he is to dealing with the unexpected, John is nevertheless woefully unprepared to meet the gem of the Ice house, Xie, the world renowned “drashaskaya,” the living work of art after which all other drashas are modeled. In sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night, John soon learns that nothing is as it seems in the floating world of London’s pleasure district.

You Go To My Head by 7PercentSolution and J_Baillier (E, 257,765+ w. across 8 Stories, WiP || Surgeon AU || Medical Realism, Doctor John / Doctor Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Addiction, Angst, Slow Burn, PTSD, Pining, Insecurity) – This series is an alternate universe one, featuring the exciting medical and romantic adventures of doctors Watson (senior neuroanaesthetist) and Holmes (neurosurgeon).

Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor (E, 280,251 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S4, Suicidal Ideations, Alcohol / Rx Drug Abuse, Coming Out / Bisexual John, Seizures, Past/Referenced/Implied Child Abuse, Hallucinations, Rehab, Celibacy, Sobriety / Relapse, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Psychological Trauma, Nice /Not Anti-Mary, John’s POV, Parentlock, First Time, Angst, Switchlock) – John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on. John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go. “It is what it is.” John Watson is what happens when what “it is” becomes too much to bear. This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

The Men Who Talked Between the Words by Odamaki (E, 463,024 w. || Parentlock, UST/URT, Pining Sherlock, Grieving John, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Slow Burn/Build, Case Fic, First Kiss / Time, Implied/Referenced Suicide & Drug Use, Slow Burn, Sherlock Whump, Panic Attacks) – John expected to be a father some day; he expected to have the house, and the wife and the nice suburban job. Sherlock never expected to have children, in part because he never expected to make it past 30. As it turns out, you don’t get a choice. Crammed into Baker Street with a baby, John struggles with single-parenthood and his own fears, while Sherlock treads the fine line between doing too little and saying too much.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #my fic recs #slow burn #long post #developing relationship #falling in love #Anonymous #fic rec sunday

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herefortheace · 6 years

Text

Masterpost: People in “Ace Discourse” DO Hate Aces and Aros

And it’s despicable and scary and it needs to stop.

I’ve made most of this post before, but I’m creating a new one because 1) I didn’t expect how long it would get and failed to include a by now much needed “read more” at any point and 2) tumblr won’t let me update the old post anymore via reblogging.

So before I copy the old links and add new ones, a not so brief explanation of why this is necessary.

People, for some reason, after years of blatant evidence to the contrary still claim “ace discourse” has NOTHING to do with anyone hating aces and aros, that not even a single person involved (or anywhere) does. By blatant evidence for people here hating aces and aros, I mean everything from pathologizing our identities to comparing us all to violent misogynists and white supremacists to wishing harm and death on us. Yet the anti-ace/aro crowd will claim we’re just making it all up because we’re hysterical liars who “wanna be oppressed”. It’s a blatant and nasty silencing tactic, but sadly not ineffective because people fall for that shit.

Which is why I originally made this post and am now making it again.

A too influential bunch of people on this site have spun a wild narrative wherein aces and aros are this super privileged group of people who essentially can’t be harmed and whom it’s therefore funny to treat like shit. They also act, over and over, as though asexuality and aromanticsm are some sort of evil idoelogy rather than minority orientations.

A lot of us - most of us I see around - belong to various oppressed groups, but the anti-ace/aro crowd has worked hard to erase that, because it becomes very obvious very fast that it’s not funny to sexualize aces and aros or compare us to Trump or claim our orientations give us an “oppression fetish” when you keep in mind who exactly they are saying it to (I’ve spoken at length about the anti-ace/aro crowd’s efforts to erase aces and aros of color and how they make me furious as a WoC here, but you’ll find plenty proof among the links below). This is not just incredible bullshit, but harms especially the most marginalized of us.

As does the more general willingness of the anti-ace/aro crowd to throw misogyny, racism, ableism and all sorts of bigotry around as a weapon against us. A ton of the links here contain some seriously dehumanizing shit.

Whatever else you may believe, asexuality and aromanticism as identities do not confer any social privilege and do not make people impervious to or deserving of harm. And frankly I should not need to say this.

But apparently I do, and I also (after all this time still) need to prove we’re not just making it all up for attention or to trick people, so here we go. I’m mostly copying the old parts (1-8) of the list as-is because I don’t have time for anything else. Also, while my point definitely isn’t that every single person involved loathes aces and aros, this crap didn’t suddenly come into an already existing “ace discourse” (by that name) either - it’s a huge part of how it got started and was a deliberate move by many to make it gain traction.

This is by no means a complete list, but the shit the anti-ace/aro crowd on this site has pulled includes:

Comparing aces and aros to Trump (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to Pence

Comparing aces to Ronald Reagan (and pretending this is funny)

Comparing aces to a literal slave owner

Making fun of aces not being accepted by their parents and of aces finding this upsetting (making it into a crytyping “joke”)

Making aces feel shitty/shaming them for telling their parents they’re ace because it’s supposedly “unnecessary”

Saying if we tell family about being ace, it’s no wonder if they send us to therapy

Doing their best to sexualize the orientations of aces, in so many cases. The link before these two is also connected to that. They treat our orientations like (graphic) details about “our sex lives”, frequently acting like if we want to talk about them ever we’re gross/creepy

This one is also “nice” re sexualizing aces (one of many examples of ppl also engaging in sex-shaming while they’re at it, saying only one’s partner should know anything about one’s “relationships with sex”. Except this person goes kinda even further)

More sexualization, when I say this freaks me out as a WoC, I’m told this white person gives no fucks and wants me to be miserable

Another person who says the identities of aces but also of aros need to stay between them and their Partners because they’re “TMI” and inherently sex-shaming somehow

Oh yeah did I mention, much the same with sexualizing aros and ppl frequently link our identities to misogyny and to using people while they’re at it

Making light and fun of ace WoC asking to not be sexualized because don’t we know aces have done Bad things and so we deserve it/don’t get to complain

One of many examples of white people who hate aces+aros talking over PoC and trying to erase us from our communities (+usually when we call that shit out they don’t care. This is actually one of the more cordial responses I’ve come across despite the lack of apology lol.

Another example of white ppl in the anti-ace/aro crowd talking over aces and aros of color here complete with that person condescendingly lecturing a PoC about racism

People like this saying outright they hate aces

Saying sex ed shouldn’t teach about asexuality

Outright stating they think being ace/aro gives people privilege (because supposedly aces+aros both benefit from conservatives pushing for abstinence)

Outright invalidating the identities of aces (who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have)

Calling asexuals demons

Outright calling aces and aros a “plague” and saying aces/aros regardless of other identities all need to be kicked out of the LGBT+ community.

Erasing the identities of people who speak out against anti-ace/aro shit to declare them “straight” or “cishet” …or saying that treatment is what they get for being “traitors to their own community”

Ignoring the boundaries of aces/aros who have them blocked and don’t want to be vagued to make fun of them …

…or even to continue sexualizing them after they have made it very clear that shit freaks them out (cheerfully doing this to a WoC)

Someone saying asexuality does not exist and “encourages slut shaming”

Spamming the ace positivity tag with vile hate (ppl have talked a lot about how this harms and endangers especially mentally ill ppl)

“aces are embarassing“ in the positivity tag

Posting nsfw content in the ace positivity tag and being completely unapologetic, apparently using the reasoning that our identities are inherently nsfw anyway (see the “TMI discourse” aka people sexualizing our identities)

Calling aces and aros a “sexuality fandom” while pretending we’re a group full of people with every privilege imaginable, bored of being accepted by everyone and of having no Actual Problems in our lives. This kind of nasty erasure constantly goes on and is a big tactic in this mess tbh

Wanting aces to be “exterminated”. For good measure putting this in the ace positivity tag

This disgusting vile shit that I don’t even know how to sum up but it includes wishing death on someone

Talking about wanting aces/aros dead after somehow misunderstanding(?) a post that was very clearly not about asexuality or aromanticism

Graphically telling aces to die

Specifically telling ace kids to kill themselves

Did I mention that many people in this mess have wished death on aces and aros and that they often put it in positivity tags. Some of the most messed up shit I’ve seen is missing because I didn’t reblog/respond to it at the time or can’t find it right now

And I know anons don’t count as hard “proof” for anything but have the less graphic one of the death/rape threats I got in my inbox for speaking out against anti-ace/aro shit (still kinda eerily detailed though. Not linking the other one because it is extremely graphic)

Part 2:

Comparing aces to a literal white supremacist (in the positivity tag)

Again someone invalidating the identities of aces who don’t have the attitude towards sex they think they should have

Sexualizing aros again, not caring about how it affects particularly aro PoC. And here two other ppl sexualizing and demonizing aros, like in posts further above claiming (non-ace) aros just use people for sex (said on positivity post).

Someone sexualizing aces again and engaging in sex-shaming at the same time, as usual with the claim that literally no one but a partner “needs” to know our orientations

Those Rachel Dolezal comparisons I mentioned made by non-black/white people who want to use antiblackness for what they call “ace discourse”? Yeah here is one white person doing it and here is another, even worse example where a white person goes “this is like if I pulled a Rachel D. and put on blackface and used the n-word…” (paraphrasing here). Here is the latter person utterly dismissing me being upset by their antiblackness (because black ppl’s pain only matters when it’s useful)

[For ppl who don’t know: Rachel Dolezal is a white woman who pretended to be black and built her career on it. White people sure as hell do not get to compare this shit to anything that is not antiblackness and use black people’s pain for their own purposes.]

A white person using antiblackness as a weapon against aces and aros in general (aka “ace tumblr”), acting smug regarding how supposedly we’re all so racist and “get triggered” by black people existing. (I am so tired of white ppl using racism as a cheap “gotcha” against aces and aros - groups which include PoC. And who then ignore or belittle PoC who call them out)

White person randomly informing WoC aces/aros can have white privilege

Again someone claiming ace privilege exists and here another person doing it adding to the post further above, claiming aces/aros have privilege for being ace/aro and that this is the case bc people who don’t have sex are privileged (wrong definition of asexuality… also of aromanticism??… and also no. No.)

What I mentioned about ppl telling us asexuality/aromanticism are not orientations but only ever modifiers? It’s happened a lot but here’s one example. And here’s someone outright saying aro aces don’t have an orientation but only modifiers.

Here’s the same person who said aro aces don’t have an orientation later turning around saying the orientation of aro aces is determined by how they behave and who they have sex with.

Another person putting nsfw shit in the ace positivity tag (link is to nsfw text)

And people try really hard to justify despising aces and aros by pointing to shitty people who share our identities/orientations. Honesty is secondary in this. Here you have someone taking a shitty post from an obvious nasty troll blog to say this is why ppl hate aces, and later when having the troll thing pointed out to them saying they already know. The post got over 3k notes.

“asexual shouldn’t even be a way people identify themselves”, with a second person in the thread agreeing

Part 3:

Someone saying they hope all aces “get checked out by a doctor” first (holy shit)

Saying asexuality is not a sexuality aka more invalidation like in posts further above

Someone calling aces a “turbo virgin club”, then declaring if an ace gets upset about it this shows their immense privilege

I’m 96% sure this is a troll and/or worse but here’s someone using absolute bullshit reasoning to claim asexuality is an inherently racist/antiblack identity (…on a black person’s post)

Speaking of racism, someone claiming vile crap and utter bullshit about aces including that we are all white

Once again a white person trying to use (extremely vile) antiblackness for so called “ace discourse”

Another incident of a blatant troll post getting nearly 3k notes because people wanted to use it to demonstrate how horrible aces/aros are, since we supposedly made up the fake slur “arobot”. Explanation in link, but basically no, “we” didn’t, it was an ancient pretty blatant troll post.

Again someone linking aromanticism to misogyny and to using people for sex

Someone in our positivity tags basically claiming aces and aros in relationships are selfish leeches who demand things but don’t give anything back. Talking as if we don’t deserve “time, effort, attention and love” and as though people in relationships with us are to be pitied

People spamming the ace positivity tag with nasty negativity and hate (once again)

Someone repeatedly wishing rape and like so often death on aces and aros (among other things) in our positivity tags. This person also put nsfw content there and spammed the tags

Again someone specifically wanting ace kids dead, talking in the positivity tag about hoping they get hit by a bus

After someone in this thread talks about the worry of being sexually assaulted for being ace, a person responds with the vilest victim-blaming, claiming shit like “it is easy to learn how to defend yourself“ and worse that I don’t want to put here. If you want details check the link

A number of screenshots of extremely vile posts, out of which two older ones weren’t listed here before: one is about wanting aces/aros to have “full blown panic attacks” and “cry themselves to sleep” over being marginalized/erased by society;

the other utterly disgustingly talks about wanting aces/aros to face torture and medical experimentation and death (the person brings in concentration camps)

This anon was also among the screenshots just now: extremely graphic torture and death threat I got from someone because they hate all us “ ~uwu~pure~smol~aceys~”. There’s wanting to peel the skin off my body as well as gun violence and sentiments that echo the post above

Since we’re already talking anons, somewhat graphic rape/death threat I got in my inbox, this time using the “dare I say meme” that is frequently employed to shit on aces and aros (still leaving out the most disgustingly graphic threat I’ve received bc I don’t want to link it)

Part 4:

“I would actually fucking slaughter aces if I could“

Listen this crap is terrifying and at this point I’m just tired. I could add the same sort of shit to this list over and over. Yet there’s still a huge crowd here denying any of this is happening, who’ll come to posts about ppl hating aces and aros to declare that no one does and we’re all just making it up or too clueless to understand what’s Really Being Said, because that’s how they like to paint aces and aros and anyone who supports us. It’s unbelievable and so so horrible and draining.

It needs to stop. I hate putting this negative crap on ppl’s dash but what’s going on is just so harmful and there’s not much else to do about it I can think of. Aside from people condescendingly explaining to us all the time none of this is happening (or outright calling us liars the moment we don’t put the links directly on a post and claiming we’re making this all up to make other aces/aros feel unsafe holy shit), I’ve also had ppl come to this very post (the original version) saying it’s just “mean words on the Internet” so I shouldn’t talk about -isms here and ppl literally wishing us dead.

Please help get word around that this is happening and a serious issue if you can? (But also if you can’t please don’t feel bad about that)

Part 5:

Someone saying ppl only get to headcanon extremely privileged characters as ace/aro

Someone spouting the incredible, unironic line: “isn’t that the point of being ace?? to desexualize yourself??“

Telling aces to date non-aces otherwise they’re automatically abusive for “taking sex away” from their partners (holy shit)

As I mentioned, if we speak about the anti-ace/aro shit on this site, ppl love to try and shut us up by coming to our posts acting like we don’t know what we’re talking about or are deliberately lying for example because they’ve not personally seen what we’re talking about, and they can get really utterly horrible about it

Someone making up an insult (”stiff”) for aces to mean “a prude who cant keep their trap shut abt it “ (the person also posted a screenshot of a dictionary entry of the word in the positivity tag where “a dead body” is listed as one of the definitions)

Same person saying aromantic means “a boring person nobody will ever love”

Yet another person sexualizing aces, making fun of how supposedly we constantly talk about wanting to “fuck”… and about wanting to be led around on a leash in public

Two people defending hating all aces and comparing this to statements about privileged groups like white people, because ace/aro privilege I guess

A white person mocking me having experienced racism in “ace discourse” while heavily implying I must be lying (while demanding proof and no I’m not saying asking me for links is the problem)

Another person outright defending hating aces, except it’s okay and not bigotry according to them because it’s… not our existence that’s the problem but us existing as aces??

Part 6

Saying ace/aro identities belong in the DSM

And also a post I really want to talk about that made me add to this post again:

Saying asexual/aromantic people are “weird” and “ugly as fuck” and we id as ace/aro because “no one wants us” (I got an extremely vile anon once that made a similar “argument” and this line of thought is neither new nor harmless)

The thing about this post that makes it especially horrible and made me put it here almost right away? The notes. There are tons of people who responded to that post with approval and if you check, you’ll see them acting like aces/aros being treated like this and getting upset about it is just one big joke. There are many people going “lol that’s mean but true” and “lmao careful they’ll use this as proof they’re oppressed haha” (paraphrased) and otherwise talking nasty shit about aces and aros. This is fucking vile and the kind of shit you’d expect from anti-sjws, but nope, “ace discourse” everyone

Someone saying ace awareness week should not be a thing because they’re already “painfully” aware we exist

Did I mention when we talk about any of this people immediately in big numbers rush to silence us, dismissing and mocking us out of hand and painting us as hysterical liars who “just wanna be oppressed“ because who gives a shit about aces/aros saying they’re being harmed

As a bonus, let’s return to the anons for a moment, which I’ve not talked about much before:

Someone telling me to die after I made more posts calling this sort of anti-ace/aro shit out

Someone telling me they want to ally with conservatives and shoot me and also other aces, calling aces a “plague”

Someone telling me sending the above to a black person has nothing to do with racism, and also that asexuality is a symptom of mental illness/trauma that needs to be corrected, not a sexuality. They tell me to “get fucked” so I’ll be fixed

Right after these asks I also got a nazi in my inbox (”88″ is nazi code). Make of that what you will

Another person coming to my inbox calling aces a plague and wanting us all dead

“Tumblr aces are deserving of every drop of loathing they get”

And now back once more to the posts people actually put their blog names on (aka most posts by far on this list, so no one skimming better try to claim this is primarily about anons just because I put a few in)…

Reacting to hateful vile anons by claiming we must have sent them to ourselves (why? because they say so), such as graphic anon rape/death threats. Nasty on so many levels and encourages people who hate us further to send shit like that

Part 7

People thinking it’s appropriate to tell a black ace woman (me lol) she has an “oppression fetish” just based on her minority orientation, in response to her asking ppl to not do EXACTLY that

Someone comparing asexuality to a kink to mock the idea of and paint as gross aces talking to family or anyone not involved in “their sex life” about their orientation

Same person in a wild post calling all aces “demons” (as ppl keep doing)

Someone not only as so often comparing aces to Trump with a moodboard, but also including the word “fascism” in ace colors in it (this is an older post)

Someone coming up with the wild conspiracy theory that people upset by aphobia (along with inclusionists) are actually largely the alt-right trying to disrupt activist communities wtf I can not make this shit up (the person being ace themselves does not make this better or any less anti-ace/aro. This is fucking vile)

Someone mocking all aces by calling us “aceys” and talking about wanting to fight us, and another person approving of this and calling aces speaking out against it “dumb” and my legitimate anger “cute”. Also apparently being upset by this at all means I’ve “deluded” myself into thinking I’m oppressed

Same person who said the above claiming aro aces are somehow straight

Mocking aro terminology and aros for calling their partners (who they may or may not be married to) anything but “friends”

People (once again) painting aros as monsters who by virtue of being aro treat their partners without basic respect and decency. Also making aro identities all about wanting to “fuck” people without loving them, or caring about them in any shape or form. This shit is both sexualizing our identities (as usual) and nasty as hell in general

Another person outright saying they hate aces and trying to justify this by comparing it to venting about a privileged group, as if ace privilege exists rather than asexuality being a minority orientation

Someone (as too many ppl have done) comparing aces to “incels”, dangerous misogynists who are frequently rape apologists/rapists

Silencing tactics still include viciously mocking aces/aros speaking out against any of this shit and painting us as irrational, Senselessly Angry, and evil like in this bullshit “parody” post of what I (and two others?) have supposedly been saying. Apparently when I make posts like this one, that is what the OP gets from that… somehow. People keep doing shit like this to me, and painting black women as hysterical and angry for no reason when we’re legitimately upset is not a new move?

While we’re on the topic of antiblackness and misogynoir, remember how ppl love to send me graphic anon threats? Yeah this person purosely invoked the image of lynchings while doing so, aware themselves it’s racist and admitting they don’t care, as long as they can tell a black person they’d like to “hang me from a tree” and then also all other ace ppl, because “ace discourse” has proven to them we’re evil apparently

Part 8

Saying there’s somethong “wrong” with aces and aros and that we need to get professional help, and that our orientations are “unnatural”. There’s way too much pathologization among these links

Comparing aces to Ayn Rand, a racist rape apologist among other things. Apparently it makes for a fun moodboard about how we’re evil (and hate poor people?? wtf)

Once again someone comparing aces to incels (for some reason people love associating aces with misogynists, rape apologists and rapists, hmm)

Someone sexually harassing a user for simply saying to ignore/block aphobes, putting extremely explicit sexual content into the post’s notes, very possibly trying to deliberately trigger the OP. This is disgusting af

Someone saying asexuality isn’t a real sexuality (again)

As usual someone putting negativity in the ace positivity tag like we don’t deserve to have positivity - this time about how we’re “idiot aces” and all “cishet”

Talking about how this masterpost that, you know, has literal death threats on it and not few of them is hilarious

Here we have someone after being linked to this masterpost defending the Ronald Reagan and Trump moodboards (while completely ignoring all the other shit on this list)

Someone spewing the old bullshit notion that conservatives love aces for our supposed “celibacy”, with the typical implication of ace privilege or at least the idea that being ace makes those of us belonging to various oppressed groups less oppressed (or that we don’t exist at all lol)

Here’s an older post where someone cruelly made fun of an anon on an ace blog non wanting to get a pap test, presuming it’s due to internalized oppression and treating that as funny and inherently mock-worthy (the post got lots of approving notes at the time), because haha aces “valuing their virginity more than their health”, even though 1) the anon said nothing of the sort and 2) even if they had, people not wanting to get health care due to messed up ideas surrounding “virginity” is not funny either. (And this sort of ridicule is nowhere near comparable to correcting actual misinformation)

Making Kylo Ren ace/aro moodboards because aside from real life fascists it’s fun to compare us to fictional ones

Since we’re on the topic, another, older post that has a lot of people comparing aces to various fictional abusers, mass murderers, fascists, etc., “joking” about how these are the characters we can have as “ace representation”. And then ppl going “lol it’s just a joke haha silly aces not getting the concept of humor” in typical bigot fashion, something the anti-ace/aro crowd does A LOT

Meanwhile once when I in response to someone comparing aros to Voldemort (based on him being incapable of love) made an aro-spec Hermione positivity post using the same meme the Voldemort post had used, emphasizing her good qualities/sense of justice, a whole wild mess happened that included people making jokes about (house elf) slavery on my aka a black woman’s positivity post and calling one of the most commonly hc-ed as black characters demonic and equating her to Taylor Swift… for among other things the evil trait of having an issue with, you know, slavery.

(Later a white person tried to in a separate post paint me as hysterical/irrational for getting upset about this, completely [and deliberately] erasing the fact that it was about race at all in that retelling of things. Not that it’s not bullshit and extremely telling to gleefully heap negativity on a positivity post like this in general, but damn.)

But back to comparing us to real life fascists, someone literally said “cishet asexuals act almost identical to white supremacists and nazis” because saying this about a minority orientation which includes aces TARGETED by white supremacists isn’t fucked up at all I’m done

For the xth time someone outright saying they hate aces

Here we get tons of misogynoir again from someone making a sort of Nicki Minaj ace moodboard that compares ace inclusionism to her breasts/”silicone implants“, and someone else approving of how hilarious that supposedly is. It’s pretty fucking gross tbh, the OP even put it in the Nicki Minaj tag

Fitting in with the above nicely: someone suggesting that subsets of aces and aros be called “breeders” (this is an older post)

Calling asexuality and aromanticism “cults” and comparing them to scientology among a ton of other vile shit including once again pathologization

Calling (non-ace) aros “objectifying assholes”

More demonization of aros, claiming as so often that being aro is the same as fetishizing and using people

Once again someone calling aces (or well just ace girls this time because misogyny is fun) ugly and claiming we’re all white (because racism is also fun)

Part 9

And here finally the new part that tumblr wouldn’t let me add to the original post the usual way. Not to repeat myself but I’m exhausted. And pissed. Remember these are all just examples. And I’d like to say there won’t be more in the future but who am I kidding.

Making light of comparing aces to incels, who are still dangerous misogynists/rapists/rape apologists. How dare aces and especially ace women be upset about it

Another person making light of (nasty moodboards) comparing aces and specifically ace teenagers to vile af dangerous bigots

Again someone comparing aces to incels (....who apparently no longer oppress women, at least if they’re ace)

They really love that incel comparison

They love it a lot. Yet another person comparing aces to incels (while defining asexuality as “not wanting to fuck”). Someone else joining in and going, “Is ‘turbo virgin’ better for u”

The same ppl as in the link above continuing to be horrible+apparently thinking ace and aro WoC are no longer oppressed by racism and misogyny. Did I mention I could not make this shit up

Also if you scroll a bit, there’s a link there to one of them telling an ace to “get laid” to be fixed (this link here leads to the same thread as the one above)

Once more comparing aros to Trump

White person thinking it’s a good idea to equate aces/aros of color upset about being compared to white supremacists with white ppl upset about jokes about white ppl

“asexuals go to hell”

Claiming it’s just “crying racism” and funny that I call call out, you know, all this pretty blatant racism, such as comparing aces and aros to slave owners/white supremacists to give just one example of the literal dozens here (even sth on the level of that anon wanting to lynch me apparently doesn’t count as racist for the OP there what the hell even)

Pathologizing our orientations, saying aces all have some “underlying issue” and that we just id as asexual as an excuse bc we don’t wanna “work through” said issues

Again someone claiming aces can’t have sex, making fun of ppl saying otherwise (apparently we physically can’t this is so wild)

Again ppl claiming aces and aros are basically all white, hurting (and pissing off) aces and aros of color bc that’s always fun. Also I’d argue some not that subtle misogyny there but decide for yourself

Among other things claiming aces are obsessed with sex which uhh uncomfortable+creepy. If ppl’d stop sexualizing us that’d be fucking nice

Another nonblack person comparing ace inclusionists to Rachel Dolezal (not giving a shit about black ppl’s opinion on the matter)... and then claiming antiblackness isn’t racism (when coming from other PoC)

Claiming asexuality is a “specific sexual preference” that no one wants to know about and also the same as “not fucking”. Literally saying (as ppl in this mess do so often) we should literally mention our orientations to NO ONE but our partners bc of this. AND not giving a shit about being told this sexualizes aces including aces of color

As usual pretending we make all the shit documented in this post up (and let me repeat this post was just meant to have EXAMPLES, there’s way more horrible crap out there)

Ace girls are apparently “like straight girls, only worse”. And that regardless of other identities

Using the term “acehets”

Another person referring to “acehets and arohets”

Apparently asexuality and aromanticism are “technically het” now

Calling aces (explicitly+deliberately ALL aces) a “cancer to the lgbt community”

Saying a black aro ace woman wouldn’t have time to be “melodramatic” (=make posts like this one lol) if she had more sex. I CAN NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP it’s so incredibly sexist, racist, and creepy omg. There’s already examples further above of this person’s misogynoir BUT DAMN

Here we have some pro Trump, pro gun person after going “fuck tumblr ace culture” talking about how aces aren’t oppressed (especially those of us to whom guns or ppl like the president they support are an incredible danger I’m sure lol) and how dare we make our orientations “our entire personality”. This is all so wild help me??

Remember when we talked about how ppl like to when we talk about this despite all the easily available proof accuse us of lying/being hytserical/just “wanting to be oppressed” as a silencing tactic? Yeah here we have someone calling me speaking out against some of the (racist) shit listed further above “delusional”

Linking being ace to being a nazi (”Been noticing a lot of these “Asexuals” are also nazis”)

More linking being ace to being a nazi (”You can't spell asexual without axis power”). Did I mention the anti-ace/aro crowd is wild and despicable af

The solution to people being this horrible to us is CLEARLY for us to “log off” so why the hell are we whining

This white person wants millions in “emotional damages” from people with ace headcanons for characters belonging to various oppressed groups, including characters of color. Because clearly others acknowledging the existence of aces of color must be incredibly painful for them. Wtf is the anti-ace/aro crowd even. Also, this is what aces and aros of color mean when we talk about constantly being erased by ppl wanting to pretend our orientations are somhow “white” identities - frquently like here under the guise of protecting us from those evil aces and aros aka ourselves.

Putting “your flag is ugly and so are you“ in the ace positivity tag

Same person posting in the ace positivty tag about wanting subsets of aces to get hit by a bus

Okay I know further above I’ve directed you to such unbelievably vile anons they must be getting old but I’m gonna put just one in this part: wanting aces dead but it’s our own fault because the ace community on tumblr made them into a shitstain devoid of decency who thinks fondly of people dying based on them sharing a minority orientation!! They had no problems with aces before!! And it’s just if we’re on tumblr that they want us dead really!! Using this site like other people makes us... wait for it... “incel equivalents” apparently

Aaand here the nonblack ppl go again with the comparing ace inclusionism to antiblackness/Rachel Dolezal, one of them specifically complaining they got called antiblack for it when clearly this white person also doing it proves it’s okay

After as the anti-ace/aro crowd loves to do pretending none of this is happening, this person admitted that yeah sure their crowd compares aces and aros to misogynists and racists, but it’s not because of our orientations but because we’re Bad, and if we claim otherwise we’re manipulative and just wanna victimize ourselves!!

racism and comparing PoC (because their asexuality continues to not magically turn aces of color into white ppl) to their oppressors are apparently still funny (”date an asexual who thinks reverse racism exists“)

Someone talking about wanting “porn of aces” where aces are raped and turned into “hypersexual sluts”. The person adds, “ESPECIALLY if it’s real”. This shit is VILE AND DISTURBING AF HOLY CRAP

And apparently aces who have sex are by virtue of this themselves rapists now, along with anyone who consensually sleeps with people they’re not attracted to?? Wtf even. (These people REALLY want to villify us and for us to not enter relationships - if we don’t have sex with a partner, we’re absusive, but if we do, we’re rapists. We’ve had both these “arguments” now I fucking can’t.)

Again someone posting (in the ace positivity tag) about wanting an “ace concentration camp”

“asexuals get death challenge”

And listen I WISH I was making this shit up and that these posts all didn’t exist. Then I’d not have to deal with the knowledge that a ton of people here don’t even see aces and aros as human beings, constantly throwing -isms and nasty af shit in general at us and pretending when aimed at us it’s somehow okay. People are doing all this to us, and trying to claim we deserve it, based on our MINORITY ORIENTATIONS.

It’s wild, it’s despicable, and it needs to stop. And I’m going to say it as many times as necessary.

#ace discourse #aphobia #asexuality #aromantic #masterpost #crapcourse mess #rape cw #abuse cw #sexualization /#suicide baiting cw #death threats cw #rape threats cw #concentration camp mention //#victim blaming mention /#long post

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