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august 26, 2021
4:00 a.m.
a balcony, somewhere
time somehow seems to simultaneously slow to a crawl and race beyond the speed of light. grant doesn’t remember when they’d ended up perched like lovebirds at the pinnacle of a staircase, peering out over the night-drenched landscape, but it must have been a while ago. customers have long since stopped streaming in and out of the restaurant on the street below.
he remembers in better detail the stream of their conversation–they’d shifted from food and a strangely peaceful, humorous discussion of kicking the bucket to movies, and at some point, paranormal stories came up along the way.
it’d be hard to forget talking to yunha.
there’s something curiously enrapturing about her, something that had drawn him to her when he first made eye-contact with her.
the look in her eyes, maybe. it’s piercing, like she’s baring right through your skin and into your soul, but not malicious or judgmental. it’s friendly, it’s curious, it’s playful.
the way she speaks, maybe. she’s the most engaged conversationalist he’s ever encountered. everything you say, whether she agrees or disagrees, is met with affirmations and a lot of nodding. yes, yes, of course. i see, i see. i understand. ohhh, wow! really?
she’s unraveling every shard of the puzzle that is his personality and piecing it back together in one whole picture, analyzing it. figuring it out. appreciating it.
or maybe it’s the sweetness that radiates off her. she appears unafraid to smile, instead all too happy to flash those pretty, crooked bunny teeth for the world to see.
“so, i'm going to guess you’re not accidentally good at singing.”
she seems not to mind revealing her own puzzle pieces either, and the more she says about herself, the more fascinated he is with her. with who she is. with what makes her tick.
“i hope it’s not an accident,” yunha replies, laughing, “because shit, then years worth of practice was a waste.”
“time enjoyed is never time wasted.”
the unabashed cringe of the line garners an immediate eye roll, but she still seems to find it funny.
they’ve definitely been sitting here a while. grant straightens his back, fixing his gradually slouching posture, and is is met with an immediate flash of pain, distinct from the chronic dull ache underlying every day of his life, that radiates down every vertebra.
“what got you into music, though?”
yunha’s rosy pink lips purse in thought as she dwells on the question.
“a lot of things. my parents like music. i listened to a lot of different kinds of songs my whole life, first with them, and then later with my friends. i had some time between classes and studying to spend having fun, but i couldn't spend any money, so my friends and i would go to this music store. we walked around and picked random albums to listen to on the headphones. we never bought anything.”
grant nods supportively. “what’s, like, the first album you remember really liking? or albums. you don’t have to pick one.”
“ah! i treasure so many albums. seo taiji and boys IV. i think that’s still my favorite nostalgic album ever. i also remember fondly, um, this girl’s in love with you by aretha franklin. i heard that at the music store, and i was so impressed by her talent. i still am.”
“i'm not a music expert. surprise! i know, i know, i'm sorry to tell you, i did not practice for centuries for that wonderful spice girls performance earlier. no, but seriously, i most often just listen to the same old emo stuff i liked when i was 13. so, unfortunately i don’t know the first album at all, at least not yet, but i do know the second one. you have fantastic taste, that’s a classic.”
despite his ignorance, yunha still smiles from ear to ear. “you should look up the first one! look up, like, seo taiji ‘come back home.’ that’s the most popular song on the album. i don’t wanna bias you, so listen on your own and make your own opinions.”
“wilco. and if you don’t mind me asking, how’d you turn the interest in music into a skill? you are talented, but i know it's very much a skill. it does take a lot of practice to become tangibly good at music.”
“to express myself,” yunha says plainly, “it’s easier to tell your story in art than talking about it, and singing is free. you don’t need supplies to learn it. but yes, i needed that kind of outlet, you know? i always liked singing, always did it, but i needed more than only entertainment from it over time.”
“oh yeah, art is helpful. i really should have gotten on that train earlier. i got on board about a year ago. it's much better for you than intellectualizing everything. or at least that's what i tend to do. do you perform, by the way? outside of karaoke, that is."
"sometimes. but also, not in a long time."
there falls a brief, but peaceful lull in the conversation. grant’s eyes draw to black night sky as he recalls the last haphazard art he’d created–the mushy-gushy attempt at processing the universe. seeing it hanging above him now, his thoughts are no less conflicting. light pollution washes out the shining sea of stars, but the sky still retains its beauty, its bewilderment. visible or not, an infinite chain of dimensions and celestial bodies exist in the vacuum of space, orbiting independent of him, yet factoring in the tiny fraction of his mass on the mass of the earth in their delicate ballerina dance across the fabric of spacetime.
the universe must have created me for some reason, for something other than anguish.
his own words. again. ever-present.
“i miss seeing the stars.” yunha’s buttery soft voice breaks his concentration. “you can’t see anything here.”
“polaris.” grant raises his left arm and draws his index finger across the sky until it hovers above the only star he’s seen thus far. “technically, that means we should be able to see sirius, too, but we don’t need to get all science-y and talk about magnitude and that polaris isn’t–”
“i would like it if you did.”
she was thinking of the stars, too.
synchronicity.
“aw shucks! well. i’ll say this, polaris isn’t the brightest star. we just talk about it way more frequently because it has the most cultural significance in the northern hemisphere for, you know, navigation reasons. but hey, give it about 12,000 more years, and it even won’t be the north star anymore. thank you, wobbly earth axis. but also boo, woobly earth axis, because it's a little sad to think about.”
yunha’s eyes glitter with fascination. “it’ll be something else?”
“yep! the next north star will be vega,” he explains, “come on down, you’re the next contestant!”
“maybe we’ll see it happen.”
“if my consciousness is still floating around as little dust particles, that’d be pretty sick. you know? forget fly me to the moon, fly me to vega. why not?”
“i don’t think i'll be dust,” yunha says, not missing a beat at all, even as her focus remains fixed on the faintest twinkle emanating from polaris, “it’s kind of troubling. you don’t want to be, like, stuck in the whole cycle of the universe, but if you’re still here, you can see some really beautiful things.”
“ah. reincarnation?”
“if you’re asking me, you’re not going to be dust. either you escape the suffering or you come back in some kind of physical form, human or not, and you try again.”
grant thinks about it for a moment. and then the feelings, like usual, spill out at once.
“i'm not going to lie, that idea has always given me the heebie-jeebies. i think it’s very cool as a concept, but i'm, like, man, i don’t want to do this shit again. also, look, we're doing the thing again. oh, and shit, that sounded judgmental. i just run my mouth too much."
"most people don't know they lived before. you can't really remember your other lives without a lot of study," she answers, "and no, you don't. i prefer to hear your real opinion. it's actually stupid when people tell you what they think you want to hear."
"do you ever wonder what you were up to last go-around?"
"not too much, but i always heard strange birthmarks and scars are signs from your last death. fears, too. things you avoid. so, i guess, like, a clown stabbed me in the neck with needles."
"are you afraid of storm drains, by any chance? if so, i think pennywise had it out for you."
"hahaha." yunha shakes her head. "wait, i have to ask. is it not worse thinking you can only live once? that's not uncomfortable? feeling like you have to make everything perfect in your one lifetime?"
"oh no, it's terrifying. dying and just being done with everything is eerie, too, because there are nice things to do and see here in the real world. you’re right about that. and yeah, there is a lot of pressure to get it all right. also, that's not even mentioning that there are people i love that i don’t want to be gone forever. i'd like to think they remain somehow. conscious or not. i kind of think they do, but i don’t know. am i contradicting myself? capital-P probably."
“you don’t know what to think.”
grant immediately bursts out laughing. “yeah, no, absolutely not. i do not know. i just kinda waffle around and hope some scientist throws out some numbers and whatnot that proves some explanation of everything correct. but that’s impossible. it’s literally impossible. we can’t even simulate or predict the wacky physics that were going on at the exact moment the big bang happened.”
“not to be, like, all quirky, but...” yunha reaches over, patting him on the shoulder. “maybe don’t think about it? you’re gonna go crazy. you can just not know? and it's fine. this doesn’t mean anything anyway. the answer to anything is already in you, it’s not out there.”
and then she, too, starts giggling all over again and her cheeks blush deep red from sheepish cringe.
another stereotypical line, but he doesn't mind. they sound better coming from her than him anyhow.
a second later and she checks the time on her phone. her cheesy smile erodes into a slight frown.
“ahh, i really need to leave soon. i have a schedule in the morning.”
grant checks the time as well, drawing the sleeve of his hoodie up just enough to read the minuscule roman numerals on his watch.
on the watch an ex-girlfriend gifted him. not päivi, but...
4:00 a.m.
fuck.
right.
you’re leaving the country in two hours.
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Hi! So I am relatively new to the Jedi games but became so quickly and deeply obsessed, and seeing another user send you a headcanon has inspired me to share one too, because I have no one I can talk about this stuff with IRL, haha. I guess a warning that it's kinda nsfw (like, VERY mildly), so it's TOTALLY okay if you don't want to post this.
Ever since finishing the game I've been thinking so much about Merrin and Cal and how their relationship will change now that they've admitted and embraced the fact that they have feelings for each other. Part of me for a while was thinking maybe Cal had his "first time" with someone he met through the Rebellion in the five-ish years between Fallen Order and Survivor, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that it would be more in character for him to uphold the part of the Jedi code that forbids romantic attachments. Like, he was just so focused on fighting the Empire that even when a slight interest in a person did arise within him, he convinced himself that it was not only against the code, but a distraction from the fight. So, he pushed all those feelings away.
This leads me to my headcanon that Cal's first time is with Merrin after the events of Survivor. While I don't have lots of specifics in mind as to when or how it comes about, I imagine that when it does happen, it is the softest, slowest, sweetest first time in the history of first times. I like the idea of Cal, this person who dives headfirst into everything and (as Cameron once said himself) "kind of likes to fight," just being incredibly thoughtful and deliberate and maybe even nervous about allowing himself to be that vulnerable with another person. Like, all these powerful emotions and powerful physical feelings would be overcoming him, and the sheer magnitude of it all would cause him to slow down and ask Merrin to lead the way, and he'll follow, so that he knows he's not hurting her or taking things too fast.
And Merrin, who is always ribbing him and teasing him and having silly banter about who's stronger, who's faster, etc., abandons all of that during their first time and is just purely kind, patient, attentive, and present with him, taking pleasure in taking the lead and cherishing the trust that he's put in her. And when it's over, I like to think they just lay together talking quietly for who knows how long, with Cal holding Merrin tight against him and Merrin tracing her fingers along his skin, maybe along his tattoo or his scars, while they tell each other stories and pretend like they'll never have to get up and leave this wondrous place <3
My offline Star Wars community is pretty small, so it's nice to have people on here to share ideas with :) So glad you enjoy the Jedi games!!
There's a lot of narrative weight to Cal and Merrin: the Nightsister massacre being led by a lightsaber (Grievous), the manipulation from Malicos, the Jedi views of attachment and dark magick. They're both survivors of a war that destroyed their families, and they take turns helping each other heal and grow.
Almost every main character in FO/Survivor is a foil to Cal in some way - but unlike all these fallen Jedi, Merrin looks to the future and finds new purpose while still honoring her past. I think that's something Cal really admires in her.
I love the trust and steadiness that they have together regardless of romantic attraction. Admittedly I haven't read Battle Scars and didn't go into Survivor wanting a relationship for Cal, so I may not be the best person to share intimacy headcanons with?? But I'm supportive of the story Respawn wants to tell, and recognize the weight/importance of their connection when it comes to Jedi 3. These tags on my recent post are kind of where I'm at:
Also Star Wars is very much lacking in the "healthy relationship that LASTS and no one DIES" department so if these two can break the trend, that'd be great 🙌
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Also Lu feld ( the underworld emperor that funded MADS) looks veryyy similar to Crocodile, maybe there is a relationship between them both?
So Oda does have certain design tropes he likes to use, and so all his characters that fit into the "mob boss" archetype, including Capone Bege, all have similar design elements; a large coat over their shoulders (not exclusive to the mafia characters mind you), fine suits, cigars, expensive looking jewelry; they look very formal and they all even style their hair the same way (slicked back).
So the similarities could be easily chacked up to Oda using the same design tropes for characters that fit into the same trope. If you look past those elements, the differences become more obvious
Like the facial anatomy etc between them all is quite different (Crocodile having Oda's default attractive male facial anatomy, compared to Lu Feld's bulbous, round shapes, while Bege has these triangular shapes to his face) along with body build etc etc
Reason I wanted to point this out is because I'm preeeetty sure I've seen people on Reddit speculate that Crocodile could be related to Lu Feld by blood, even be his son?
And to be fair, this is One Piece, the characters don't need to look one-bit similar to one-another to be blood relatives, not by a long shot. And since we don't know how old Lu Feld is, theoretically sure, that could be possible.
But when all we're going off of is "they're both mafia bosses and dress kinda similar", I feel that theory is a bit weak, and more importantly, I'm not sure there's much of a point in it. As in, what would these two being related add to their characters? Like you could totally write an interesting story about them that could impact them both, but it's not like the two other famous theories (that Croc could be the son of WB or Xebec) where you almost immidiately understand the emotional baggage between the two (former Croc would have unknown beef with his bio-dad possibly related to him adopting so many sons while he's just there, the latter having once again questionable implications for Xebec's character but could immidiately shed light on Croc's beef with WB and his general trust issues).
Considdering Lu Feld is an Emperor of the Underworld though I would not be surprised if our beloved Mr Zero had purchased his Dance Powder from Lu Feld, maaaybe been involved with the underworld in other ways, who knows. But I personally don't believe Crocodile has deep ties to Lu Feld, I just think it's Oda giving a less important, borderline-background character a design with a few too many similarities to more important characters and not enough unique features--- but Lu Feld isn't that important, it's not like he needed a super unique design to communicate who and what he's supposed to be in the story
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