#tormentum ab intra

[tormentum-ab-intra]

woe! hara sketchdump be upon ye

he's just a lil guy! my tiny precious boy! <3 (he is over seven feet tall)

[gritpyre]

sapphic activities pt. 3 with @tormentum-ab-intra's verniper!

[lektricwhump]

i found this cute as hell picrew and decided to start a tag game with it!

tagging to start us off (no pressure): @raigash @tormentum-ab-intra @the-whumping-hour @gritpyre @sweetwhumpandhellacomf @wildfaewhump @redwingedwhump @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @studyofwhump and anyone else who wants to join!

[inscrutable-shadow]

Augusnippets Day 12 - Path of Whumperless Whump - Lost

this one got a bit long aha. Leander belongs to @tormentum-ab-intra!

Thanatos leaned heavily against a tree, panting. Even his vampire's endurance was sorely tested by a several mile hike and the fact that he never exercised if he could avoid it. The magic of his curse buzzed uncomfortably against the very atmosphere here, which served to wear him out even more quickly.

The orb of arcana his Archfey had left him with pulsed in his breast pocket and he withdrew it to see what ae wanted. "What… see?" The signal was quite bad.

"Trees, mostly. I've no idea where I am. How far did you say this 'spacetime rift' was?"

"… east."

"What?" The orb darkened. Lovely.

He got a very odd sensation as he continued, as if the forest was watching him, from the small animals that hid when he got close to the trees themselves. At least, he assumed there were animals. He heard them, but didn't see them. He walked faster. The wind picked up as he did, rustling the leaves in a way that was somehow unsettling.

"Different…" said the wind.

Thanatos… didn't like that. "H-Hello?"

A crow alighted in front of him. "You are different."

He frowned. "What, never seen a vampire before?" Whatever this was, calling himself a vampire wasn't likely to make him any more or less dead. Please, Rea, get me out of here…

"Many, but not one like you," answered the trees, and the voice held the echo of a smile. "*What is that you carry?"

"It's… er, communication magic. Connects me to… a powerful friend."

The wind laughed, and the sound chilled Thanatos to the bone. "No need for threats. It carries an odd resonance, is all." A pause. "Are you lost, vampire?"

"No." The orb pulsed, and the trees laughed. "I'm not lost. I'm just going. So if you don't mind…"

"Leaving so soon?" This voice was much more solid, and Thanatos turned to see a very pretty nymph smiling at him from against a tree. Or, well. Nymph was Than's best guess. The proportions weren't quite right, the smile was too wide, the presence was far too strong. Unsettling. "You've just got here. Why not stay a while?"

"ksh magic is fundamentally incompatible—" the Archfey said from the orb. "What is that, Thanatos? … feels like … another manifestation…" How, pray tell, by the celestial river was he supposed to know that?

"Er, yes. Don't belong here and all that. There's supposed to be some sort of hole between planes that will return me to where I belong near here. You wouldn't… happen to know anything about that."

The nymph(?) laughed again. "Just there." He pointed, and Thanatos turned to see a glowing purple slash in the air, a hundred meters into the forest. It looked quite terrifying, but he supposed he'd have to throw himself into it. "You're from another realm then? I must admit, I'm quite curious."

"Leave me here, Thanatos," said Rea. If ae said so.

Thanatos looked back over his shoulder to where the nymph(?) was still standing, now holding the orb with the Archfey's shard, and waving amusedly at him. He stepped through the rift quickly, hoping he'd never have to come back here again. The whole place gave him the shivers.

[tormie-tormie-chopper]

Hey, I'm Tormie!

You can also call me Tor. Whichever. I'm an artist! I also write.

I intend to post a variety of different things for One Piece -- ship art, general/non-ship art, fluff, memes and shitposts, sfw, nsfw, whump, gore/body horror, blorbo appreciation, and so on -- so hopefully there'll be something here for everyone! I may also post things for other fandoms or for original characters, but I have a separate blog for ocs so I probably won't post too much of that here. I will always try to tag my posts and artwork accurately, especially when it comes to potentially triggering subjects. I have a sideblog specifically for reblogs @grand-line-tormie and an account for ocs/personal art and writing @tormentum-ab-intra.

Do not repost any of my artwork or use it for AI. Reblogs, however, are welcome and greatly appreciated!

Here there be freaks, and here freaks are welcome. Let's be weird and fucked up and into weird and fucked up things together <3 (This should go without saying but I'm gonna say it anyway: Me writing about, talking about, or drawing something does not mean I endorse it in real life. Cool? Cool 😂) My blog is not intended for minors.

My pronouns are it/its. I won't smite you if you use he/him for me, but it's not really my preference lol. However, both gender neutral and masculine gendered terms are welcome! Feminine gendered terms are also fine but better saved for silly or joking contexts.

Bigotry, hate speech, and so on are NOT welcome. TERFS are not welcome. I'm not interested in starting or engaging in discourse, so racists, homophobes, transphobes, bigots, zionists, and the like will be blocked expeditiously. Like just be chill and I'll be chill back.

Commissions: open! you can find my info post for them here. You can also find my Ko-fi page here!

Look below the cut for askbox info and info on my tagging system!

Some common general tags I'll be using: -#tor draws for anything with my own artwork in it -#tor thinks for original posts just talking and sharing my thoughts, whether fandom or unrelated. -#tor answers for answered asks. -#tor speaks for announcements. -I will usually tag fandoms where applicable, characters in the post, ships in the post, and any other relevant aspects.

Some common CW tags to look out for or block according to need: -#nsft for explicitly nsfw posts and artwork, or for posts with links to explicitly nsfw fics or artwork (because I expect tumblr won't let me post certain things and I may have to share links to those things instead) -#suggestive for posts and artwork that are risque or mildly nsfw in nature but don't describe or depict anything explicit. somewhat hit or miss whether i actually use this one ngl -#nsfwhump for posts and artwork that are nsfw and depict noncon -#gore for all posts and artwork with excessive amounts of blood or graphic depictions of severe injuries -#cartoon gore for posts and artwork with excessive amounts of blood or depictions of severe injury that are described or drawn in a cartoonish way -#body horror for posts and artwork with body horror, particularly when depicted in intense or grotesque ways. I won't be using this tag for the canon-typical body horror that's often seen in One Piece -- for example, Luffy's rubber powers or Buggy's chop-chop powers -- unless I am specifically talking about or drawing them in ways intended to invoke disgust, discomfort, or horror, with the main focus of the post or image being on the body horror in question. -#blood for posts and artwork with excessive amounts of blood in them. I probably won't use this tag for posts that only have small amounts of blood in them unless the blood is somehow the focus or part of the focus. -Additional tags for relevant triggering subjects will be added when applicable.

Askbox rules: -Just don't send me bigoted shit and we're most likely good 👍🏾 Asks and anons containing hate or bigotry will just be deleted. -Don't ask me to write or draw anything suggestive or nsfw about characters who are minors. -I will do my best to answer asks and anons quickly! But if I don't get to it right away, I'm not ignoring you, I'm probably just busy.

I will try to make sure my artwork has image descriptions in the alt text. If I forget to add an ID somewhere and you'd like me to add one, please let me know! I'll either edit my original post or add a description in a reblog.

[junix-has-moved-pls-see-bio]

This is Sekti! I have nothing to say for myself other than that I’ve decided they’re much too cute not to torment in as many different ways as I can think of.  Sekti’s pronouns are they/them! They do have a mouth, but they won’t be offended if you think they don’t at first; it’s a common mistake. If you happen to see their partner, Terrence, please do point him in their direction. They’d like a hug right about now, and Terrence hugs are the best hugs.

[how-very-whumperful]

So @tormentum-ab-intra drew my OC Blue, and its super amazing!! Junix, you are so talented, thank you so much!

[gritpyre-archived]

more doodling, this time featuring @tormentum-ab-intra’s Tuilla!

[sweetwhumpandhellacomf]

Happy birthday @tormentum-ab-intra​!! Here’s a comfed Linde as requested!

---

As the last monster finally falls, Linde drops to one knee, haphazardly sticking the end of her sword into the earth to steady herself. She’s breathing heavily, tasting hot copper from a cut on her lip, feeling sweat and blood running together down her body. It was tough. She almost failed. She almost let the rest of her group die.

Her old scars start tingling in anticipation, remembering the pain of failure that used to follow such a shoddy performance. She shudders, hunching over and wrapping an arm around her middle, protecting the throbbing of a cracked rib. It’s fine, she can put up with one more cut when she and her master get home, it’s just one more to bandage--

A warmth rushing across her skin tears Linde from her spiraling thoughts, and she blinks as the healing magic courses through her, warm as a hearth after a long day in the cold. She looks up, halfway confused, at Himadri, channeling magic through the crystal sphere fastened onto the end of his magic staff. The warm grey light flows into her, numbing her injuries for a brief moment before the magic knits skin and bone back together.

“Thank you,” she whispers, and she realizes the hot sensation on her face is tears. When he finishes the magic, he drops to his knees next to her and wraps her in a hug. “I--H-Himadri?”

“You looked upset,” the miou says, pulling her closer, seeming not to mind the blood he’s getting all over himself. “I know that battle hurts. I am just glad to be able to help.”

She blinks again, sending more tears cascading down her cheeks. “...I’m glad, too,” she says, shifting forward and returning the hug, forcing away the bad memories in favor of her new friends.

[whump-advent-calendar]

Some more info 🎁

Alrighty, first of all I can’t even tell you how amazing you guys are, the feedback came even earlier than I thought and lots of you pointed out some pretty important things I forgot about in the first post, so thank you all for that 🤗 Now, let’s get down to business

There’s finally a blog for this event! So from now on, all the stuff about this event will be found here (so if you have any more questions, don’t hesistate to send an ask or a message, I’ll try to respond asap 😊)

@misscrazyfangirl321 made two pretty good points - first about alternate prompts - I gotta admit I completely forgot about them 😅 but I’m definitely gonna add them now! There are only 8 main prompts, so I’d say 2-3 alternate prompts should be enough? If you think otherwise lemme know 😊

 The second point was about adding some small bonus mini-prompts which would be released the day they’d take place - I think it’s a great idea, but I’m honestly not sure if I’d be able to execute it properly while still keeping up the theme 😅 but I’m gonna think about it!

@erdarielthewhumper also pointed out some stuff I should have mentioned before - if you have to produce content for all the prompts and if it can be fandom and original stuff. 

You definitely don’t have to do all of them, you’re free do only those you want to do, whether it’s all of them or maybe just one!😃 And of course you’re free to make original content as well as fandom related content!

So, most of you agreed it’d be best to post the prompts early, so, I will release them on... 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

🎄🎇🎄🎇🎄     ✨November 24th✨     🎄🎇🎄🎇🎄

One month before Christmas 😃 Hopefully it’s early enough and it also gives me enough time to do something with the calendar’s design, I’m still not quite happy with it 😂 

So yeah! If you have any more questions, ask away!

Tagging:

@blue-flare10 @whump-me-all-night-long @whumpfigure @whumptywhumpdump @thatsgonnaleaveamark @misscrazyfangirl321 @cupcakes-and-pain @midnight-mismanagement @latenightwhump @whumpology @theladyoffangorn @softsharpdaydreams @whatgoeswhumpinthenight @sleep-deprived-dragon @erdarielthewhumper @whumpforthewhumpgod @vickytokio @books-and-starss @technom0ose @straight-to-the-pain @just-a-fan1234 @realcanadianmoose @thatsthewhump @beautifullytorturedsouls @imposterellie @professional-idiocy @raigash @lektricfergus @ambigiousgelpens @tormentum-ab-intra @rose12335 @morgaylol @starrysky-whumpfics @whump-softie @why-am-i-on-this-website-anyway @satansonecornchip @girlwithacoolcat @eatyourdamnpears @greeneyedmonst3r    

sorry if I didn’t tag you in the previous post 😅 if you want to read it you can find it on this blog, right bellow this post😃

Also since there’s now this blog that’s dedicated solely for this that you can follow without being flooded with posts irrelevant to the event, I won’t be tagging you in every upcoming info-post I make, but if you’d prefer to still be tagged, lemme know 😊

That should be all for now, I’ll explain stuff like tagging your post and other rules when I post the prompts 😃 stay safe 👋

[tormentum-ab-intra]

Hey! You got a blorbo? I'll draw 'em for ya!

If you aren't sure if what you have in mind would be allowed, just message and ask! Slots [will update this post as spaces fill]: 1. [filled] 2. [filled] 3. open 4. open 5. open 6. open

reblogs are greatly appreciated ^^

Information on terms and pricing below the cut!

Will do: -ocs -fan characters and fanart -whump -gore and body horror -furries -creature/animal characters -monsters and aliens -risque/nsfw (both you and the character[s] you're commissioning nsfw artwork of must be 18+!) -kink (bondage, noncon or cnc, knifeplay, etc)

Won't do: -heavy sci-fi -mecha/robots -irl people -super detailed character designs -complex backgrounds -complex armor -risque/nsfw of characters who are minors -incest -scat/watersports -hate speech, promotion of bigoted ideas, etc -design your character for you from scratch or draw without any references. -more than three characters in a single commission -I may decline to accept/draw any commission if I deem it necessary Add-ons: -magic FX: $5 -weapons: $5 to $15 -complex hair: $5 -wings: $5 to $20 depending on which color option you've chosen -small animal: $10 to $25 depending on which color option you've chosen -large animal: $15 to $30 depending on which color option you've chosen -complex pose: +25% of base price -simple background: +25% of base price >if it's a forest background, it's only +15% of the base price! love me some trees.

All prices and add-ons are in USD.

If you want to commission me, please contact me in one of the following ways:

DM me here on tumblr!

DM me on discord: @tormentum_ab_intra -- if you message me here, please state that you're interested in a commission or tell me which post you came from or something so I know you're not a bot 😂

shoot me an email: tormentumabintra@gmail.com. Please put 'commission inquiry' or something of the like in the subject line. I may take a bit longer to respond to emails than DMs. In your message or email, please include the size of the sketch (headshot, 3/4, or full body), the color option you'd like (plain sketch, monochrome shading, flat colors, or colors with shading), and a short description of your vision for the sketch, along with any reference images you'd plan on having me use. If you get a slot and I am able to draw what you've requested, I'll give you a price estimate and we can discuss any further details before I give you a final price! If you don't end up getting a slot this time around, I'll let you know as soon as I'm able. These will be done on a first come first serve basis.

If you aren't sure yet whether you want to purchase a commission, you can still message me with questions! I'd be happy to provide answers or additional examples of the type(s) of commission you have in mind.

Some important terms and additional pricing information:

If you'd like to commission me to draw more than one character, each character will be drawn on a separate canvas and treated like a separate commission. If you would like a commission with more than one character on the same canvas in the same commission, each character will be priced separately and the limit is three characters to a commission.

Payment will be done upfront in full via paypal invoice or venmo in USD. After this I'll start with a little concept/thumbnail sketch and send it to you so you can tell me if there's anything you need changed. From there, I'll move on to drawing the actual piece. I will send at least one screenshot during the drawing process as a check-in, so that you can let me know if I need to change anything before I continue. Depending on the type of commission, the number of check-in points will vary, and I'll let you know how many your commission type will have before I start drawing. Small revisions are no issue, but you can make only one major revision per check-in. Lastly, once it's complete and you've approved the final screenshot, I'll send you the final piece as a jpg and as a png -- preferably on discord since tumblr tends to nerf image quality, but if you'd rather I send it via email or here on tumblr let me know.

You may not use my artwork for AI or NFTs. I'm sure that goes without saying, but just in case.

These commissions are for personal use only; you may print out your commission if you like, but you may not sell prints of your commission or use it for other business/profit purposes.

You can post your commission online as long as you credit me.

Please allow up to three weeks from the date of payment for your commission to be completed. I will do my absolute best to finish it before then, but this way I have a cushion in case anything comes up. If for any unlikely reason there is a delay that looks like it'll result in a wait time of longer than three weeks, I will let you know as soon as it comes up and work hard to get the commission out to you as soon as I'm able! In such cases, I will refund part of the commission price to you to make up for the extra wait.

[gritpyre]

''may I have this dance?'' @tormentum-ab-intra

[that-one-thespian]

TAG LIST: @lektricwhump, @raigash, @tormentum-ab-intra

REQUESTED BY: @wildfaewhump for Home Invasion!

Back to the Bad Things Happen Bingo card! Linked here if y’all want to request something. 

The grocery bags rustle in Jewel's hands as she walks down the sidewalk. It's cold enough for her to wear her gloves today. No accidental brushes at the supermarket, no flashes of feeling from the people around her. There weren’t any toddlers throwing tantrums, no one panicking over expenses-- today has been good. 

It's been six months since Jewel left her city and her life behind. Three months since the doors of her clinic have opened.

Three weeks since she'd stitched up the hole through a dark, clipped wing under the watchful eye of a demon that could definitely break her in half and received a donation that could cover her groceries six times over. 

It’s taken six months, and it’ll take a few more, but she’s carved out something akin to a home here, away from her city.

At least, home enough for Jewel to know something is wrong the moment she steps foot inside the clinic. She pauses on the ball of one foot as the door swings closed behind her. She waits a beat, closing her eyes and focusing on her environment. Nothing flits against her empathy. Still, something’s not right. She takes a deep breath, deciding to trust her instincts, then turns to leave.

As her hand settles on the doorknob, a cold hand clamps over Jewel's mouth, muffling her startled yelp and pulling her head back against the chest of the intruder. The grocery bags fall from her hands. She can’t read anything.

Oh, gracious.

She struggles against their hold, then freezes at the feeling of cold, cold steel against her throat. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see the pastel blue handle-- this is the big butcher knife from the kitchen. “What do you want?” She whispers into the hand. 

“Phone. Now.”

She whimpers a little, but fishes her phone out of her pocket and holds it to her side.

“I’ll take that.” The phone is plucked from her hand, and the knife is removed from her throat. Only when the blade is removed is she shoved to the side, and she stumbles against the wall, staring wide-eyed up at the intruder. Whoever he is, whatever he is, he’s smiling coldly, sharp and fanged, as he turns towards her. She can’t read anything. Why can’t she read anything?

“You must be Miss LaFontaine.”

“....doctor,” she whispers. 

That seems to amuse him. “Of course, doctor. I’ve heard quite a lot about you. And who you help.” He turns to the door, taking a padlock from his pocket and fiddling with the doorknob. “Don’t bother checking the back door. It’s locked. Windows are, too. You’re here to stay, doll.”

Jewel’s heart plummets into her stomach. Whoever this is, he planned this. Oh, gracious, what does he want? Finally, she manages to look around, to cast her eyes around the kitchen. The knife block is empty, and her groceries are scattered across the floor, spilling from the flimsy plastic bags. She swallows, wrapping her arms around herself as she looks back at the intruder. 

He gestures with her butcher knife, making her flinch. “Go ahead, doll. I’m not stopping you.” 

Shuddering and glancing over her shoulder every few seconds, she starts to put away the groceries.

~

It’s been twenty-two days. Two weeks since Jewel got caught trying to escape from the window. A week and a half since she got caught trying to find her cell phone. A week since she found it on the kitchen counter, shattered and cracked and utterly unusable. His demeanor got far chillier after that.

She stands in front of the pantry door, looking at her dwindling supply of food. She should have gone grocery shopping two weeks ago. She has a few potatoes left that she can chop up and add to the soup in the fridge that she’s watered and salted over and over the past week to make it last longer. 

Her captor’s name is Jared, apparently. He told her three weeks ago when she timidly asked, seemingly bemused by the question.

She hasn’t once seen Jared eat or drink anything. She’s not sure if he’s human. But he doesn’t seem to care if she eats. It looks like he’s waiting. Waiting for… something. He hasn’t said what. Whatever it is, she hopes desperately that it happens soon.

Whatever he is, he likes it cold. The thermostat has been set to 54 degrees exactly. Through trial and error, she determined that she could keep the fireplace burning low and huddle near it, wrapped up in sweaters and blankets, without incurring his wrath.

She can still use the shower, thankfully- but her water bill will be hell to pay if she depends on that too much for warmth. 

Despite it all, Jared has insisted that the clinic remain open for some reason. It’s the only time the padlock on the front door gets removed, before he retreats out of sight so she can work.

A thick layer of makeup covers the bruises on her face, carefully blended into a natural look.

“If anyone finds out,” Jared had hissed in her ear, close enough that she could smell something rancid on his breath, “I’ll kill them and make you watch.”

That was more than enough incentive for her to break out the concealer from her little bathroom cabinet.

She sees the patients that come to the clinic, tries to keep her hands and voice from shaking, dismisses any concerned inquiries with a simple, “Haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all.” The cold she dismisses as trying to save on her heating bill- “We were short on donations this month.” If her voice trembles, no one asks about it.

~

It’s been twenty-nine days. Jewel barely leaves the chair in front of the empty fireplace except to see what she can find in the nearly bare fridge. 

She’s out of the vegetables, out of meat- they’re all in the watered-down soup that’s barely even broth, now.  She has a few slices of bread left, some cheese, half-full containers of ketchup and salsa. She’s nowhere near her caloric or nutritional intake for the day, but she has to ration what she can until--

Until something.

She still doesn’t know what Jared wants. Or what he is.

~

It’s been thirty-six days. A week since she ran out of firewood. Five days since she ran out of vitamin supplements. 

Nineteen days since she stopped trying to escape.

It’s getting harder and harder to do anything but sleep, now. She drags herself from her bundle of blankets, numb save for the dull, now-familiar clawing of hunger, to add more salt to the broth, whatever herbs are left in the spice drawer. Anything to add some semblance of nutrients. Her hands shake as she pours filtered water into the pot and turns on the stove.

~

It’s been thirty-nine days. Four days since the blizzard passed through town. Nine days since she’s had a patient come to the clinic. She’s not in any state to treat anyone, anyways. Her hands are shaking too badly, and she’s wrapped up in too many sweaters to move with her usual precision. Jared only laughs at her meek attempts to ask for more warmth in what she had once thought of as her home, so all she can do is bundle up.

The doorbell rings.

Jewel doesn’t react, not at first. But she slowly lifts her head and rises from her seat, turning off lights on her way to the door- “We lost power,” that’ll be her excuse. Every step takes a monumental effort, far more than it should. But she has to get to the door. 

Her heart barely lurches when she trips over the last stair and tumbles to the floor. Her head thuds against the hardwood, and she falls into the warm, waiting arms of the darkness.

[infectiouswriting]

TW: toxic relationship, emotional manipulation, self-harm, cutting

“My love,” Alejandro began as he approached Tansy and grabbed his chin forcing him to look up at him, “You know this is what we both want... You know it and yet you resist, why do you resist Tansy?” Alejandro asked tilting his head as he let go of Tansy’s face, “Do you not love me as much as you claim to?” He asked.

“N-no,” Tansy nervously shook his head, stuck between wanting to please Alejandro but knowing this is all wrong, he couldn’t hurt Alejandro – that wouldn’t be right! But still, the knife lay a mere five inches away from his hand where Alejandro had set it down when they first began.

“It’ll be just a small cut,” Alejandro informed Tansy, “Just one small cut for me? I’ll do whatever you want if you just do this for me this one time... And hell, maybe you’ll even realize how much you enjoy inflicting pain,” Alejandro smirked as he recalled an event from earlier in the week, where he and Tansy were with their friends and he was ‘misbehaving’, “Also, haven’t I been such a bad boy recently? I deserve to have this knife shoved down deep inside of me,” he said as he picked up the knife and held it close to himself before bringing it up and holding it between his eyes before proceeding to lick it.

“Alejandro,” Tansy spoke, gasping quietly in surprise when Alejandro brought the knife down and slammed it against the table. ”Alejandro,” Tansy began again, trying to get his partner’s attention, “I can’t go through with this, I don’t care if you’ve been a ‘bad boy’ you’re still a person and you don’t deserve to be treated like an object – I’m sorry that I can’t go through with your kink but maybe we can find something more suited for both of our--” 

“Why can’t you just— “Alejandro cut Tansy off as he grabbed the knife off the table again and held it to the top of his wrist, “If you won’t then I’ll get the fun started.”

“Alejandro, please! Don’t hurt yourself—Alejandro—” Tansy pleaded, but his pleas fell on deaf ears as the knife cut through Alejandro’s skin. ( @tormentum-ab-intra owns Tansy) 

[junix-has-moved-pls-see-bio]

“Can’t you try to behave? Please?”

“Down.” Master Deleon snaps his fingers, and points to the floor.

There was a time in which Ankhir might have ignored the command, but now he knows better than to rebel.

Atticus would never have treated him like this.

With blazing eyes and gritted teeth, Ankhir sinks to his knees. His features are set in a scowl, but he keeps his gaze downcast. Oh, how he hates having to do this. He hates how weak and compliant he’s become.

Ankhir allows himself one careful glance, his eyes flicking up to try and gauge his master’s mood. He regrets it almost instantly, because Master looks so pretentious, so self-satisfied and arrogant and infuriating. 

Anger and indignation simmer dangerously beneath Ankhir’s skin. He bows his head and lowers his gaze before Master can catch sight of it.

He wishes he could tear that smug look right off of Master’s face. He’s sure he could do it if he tried. It wouldn’t even be hard. Fear, however, keeps him in place, treacherous and invasive and so very deeply ingrained. He’s learned the hard way that insubordination earns nothing but pain. Even if he managed to hurt Master, or even kill him, someone else would step forward to make him pay for it. 

Ankhir tells himself his tenuous obedience is merely a measure of self-preservation, that it isn’t because his master has him trained like a dog. He behaves to stay alive and avoid suffering.

That doesn’t make it any less humiliating.

Ankhir scowls as Master pets a hand through his hair. He stubbornly refuses to lean into it, even though it’s the most comfort he’s had in weeks. “Ankhir.” Master’s hand slips down to cup his cheek, thumb brushing so gently over his skin. “Tell me something.”

It takes all of Ankhir’s willpower not to sound snarky or sarcastic when he asks, “Yes, sir?”

The hand on his cheek moves again to grasp his chin, tilting his head up so that his eyes meet Master’s. “Are you angry, Ankhir? Do you hate me?”

Ankhir wants to spit a retort, wants to spite his master with pointed words. I wish I belonged to someone else. I wish you’d just die, he thinks, but he knows he can’t say it. He mustn’t speak out of turn. He doesn’t want another night in the Quiet Box. “Yes, sir,” Ankhir says stiffly, because he’s not allowed to lie. He tries to decipher what he sees in Master’s eyes, but the bastard remains unreadable.

He knows Master will read his own emotions like an open book. He wishes he had Master’s ability to hide what he’s thinking.

“Why?” Master asks.

“You’re…” The question is a simple one and Ankhir knows his answer, yet he feels stuck. If he tells the truth he is certain Master will be angry. If he lies, Master will be angry. If he fails to answer, Master will be angry. No matter what he does or says he’s going to be in trouble, he just knows it. Words hover on his tongue, but he’s too afraid to say them, and mad at himself for being afraid. 

“I’m...what? Tell me.” Master lets go of Ankhir’s face, but makes no move to put space between them. The maintained proximity makes him fidgety and uncomfortable. “Now, Ankhir.”

Ankhir takes a deep breath and speaks quickly, before he can lose the nerve. “You’re unfair, sir!” As he speaks, frustration builds and builds until it feels like a dam, liable to break. It feels like a lump in his throat, like gritted teeth and clenched fists. “You’re nothing like my old owner! You make me feel worthless and treat me like an afterthought and punish me for things I can’t control!”

Tears, pained and furious, threaten to drip down Ankhir’s scarred cheeks. His face feels hot and his eyes sting. His breath hitches, but he keeps going. “No matter what I do, I’m not good enough for you. I just want to be good enough! Why does Antali matter more than me?!” He’s crying, now -- sobbing, really -- but he doesn’t have the energy to care. “Everyone loves Antali. Antali gets to make their own choices. Antali’s allowed to make mistakes. Why aren’t I? I hate Antali. I hate you!”

The moment he says it, I hate Antali, Ankhir feels guilty. He doesn’t hate his friend. He hates himself for not being more like them. Maybe if he were like them, Master wouldn’t think he was a waste of time. He wishes he could be good so his master would love him and he could love his master in return.

Ankhir knows he should love Master anyway, but he doesn’t have it in him to love someone so biased and cruel. “I hate you,” he repeats, whimpering. He just wants his old master back.

-----

“Ankhir?” The familiar voice is unexpected, but comforting. Ankhir wishes he could hear it clearly, but the voice sounds muffled and thick. “I know you can’t answer, but...Master Deleon said you were in here, so...I hope you can hear me.” There’s shuffling outside the Quiet Box, and Ankhir imagines Antali sitting there beside it, beside him. Close. Safe. He scoots over to the side he thinks Antali is nearest to, leaning against it.

“Listen, I know you miss Atticus -- believe me, I do too -- but you have to understand that this is the way things are now. Master Deleon’s rules are different.” 

Ankhir scowls and straightens up indignantly before remembering that Antali can’t see him. He knows all that, dammit! Why do they think he’s so resentful in the first place? 

“I just want you to be safe, Ankhir. Our master, he’s really not so bad as long as you behave; he can be nice! He lets me play with his dog and sit at the table now. I want you to be able to join us! Can’t you try to behave? Please?” 

Easy for you to say, Ankhir thinks. I’m trying so hard to be good! I’m doing the best I can! No matter how he tries, no matter what he does, his best never seems to be good enough. Antali is Master’s favorite. Ankhir’s hardly more than an afterthought. Antali gets all the special treatment, and Ankhir gets put in the Quiet Box for truths he was forced to speak. 

The dichotomy makes Ankhir resentful. Jealous, even. It also makes him ashamed, because he knows it’s no one’s fault but his own. He doesn’t like the way Antali talks as though it would be so easy to gain their master’s favor, but...he also knows Antali’s only trying to help, so he can’t stay mad at them for long.

There’s a long pause. Ankhir hears Antali sigh. “I wish you were out here with me,” they say quietly, so quietly that Ankhir has to strain his ears to hear them. “I miss your voice.” Ankhir imagines the small thump he hears is the sound of Antali resting their head against his temporary prison. If he closes his eyes and leans his head against the Box’s wall, he can almost image that they’re touching, leaning on one another for comfort. He can almost imagine they’re back in their old room, in their old master’s house, living their old life happily and blissfully unaware of how cruel human masters can be. It’s nice, in a melancholic sort of way.

It’s almost enough to let him forget how Atticus gave them up to save his own skin.

[mottinthepot]

@tormentum-ab-intra ‘s ocs!!!