#toxic friendships amiright

[aritany]

what's the origin story for dgdss? if you don't mind 🥺

oho! well. as it happens, i love telling this story.

if you want to know how my childhood best friend writing a short story about me ended up leading to me getting a big 5 book deal, read on.

tw for reference to self harm and some...... unpleasant commentary (not mine) about it later on, folks.

so.

i was homeschooled until my very last year of high school (yes, like mean girls, except my mean girl dominated the first 15 years of my life and that last year was just blissfully chill) and like many homeschooled children, i was a part of a co-op.

cool, right? it's like School Lite™ where you put a group of feral children in a classroom, except you're all varying ages and grade levels, and also, nobody in the room is an accredited teacher, and nobody seems to have an issue with this.

my mom and her mom were best friends, and we were born around the same time, so naturally, we were best friends too from birth, and we were part of the same co-op all through my elementary and junior high school years.

anyway. i won't air all of the dirty laundry regarding our early friendship, because the whole book deal thing doesn't touch it, and i also think there's no need to be pointing out the behaviour of an Actual Child in retrospect. all you need to know is that we were best friends, our relationship was fraught, and by the time we hit 12-13 it was to the degree that people started telling me, hey man, this is Very Strange Behaviour and You Might Be A Victim, and i had to go do some introspection.

the introspection led to the general conclusion oh shit, but we stayed friends, because obviously. when you're 13, breaking up with a best friend is literally The End of the world, and anyway, there was a lot of good in there too, right?

right?

anyway, things took a turn when we were about 14. i struggled heavily with mental illness and self harm as a closeted religious teenager (who'da thunk?) and i confided in her about a small fraction of what was going on, because she was my best friend. i didn't tell her details, because even then i knew what i was experiencing was heavier than was probably appropriate to burden another kid with (and i stand by it!), but she knew the gist.

several Tense moments resulted, one of which was the day she pointed out self harm scarring in front of other people and asked me what happened, ran away, and refused to talk further about it, so i had to talk to her mom, who told me i should apologize to her, considering my mental health struggle had been so difficult... for her.

yeah, you know the type of people we're dealing with, here.

she was determined to undermine me in front of our mutual friends. anything to make me look worse, in one way or another. anything to step just a little higher. if i was interested in something, here's a public dissertation on why it's a dumb thing to be interested in. if i had a crush, forget keeping it a secret, and forget the notion that it's normal, because it's not, it's stupid, and shallow to have a crush in the first place. if we had a similar interest, here's a dressing down about how all i ever do is steal the things she likes (even if i liked them first).

needless to say, by the time the whole deal with the short story is going down a few short years later, we're on the rocks.

let me set the scene. we hadn't seen each other in several months, due to the On The Rocks of it all, and were meeting up for coffee while our moms were also getting coffee. hashtag classic homeschooled behavior, etc.

we're catching up, and she tells me she needs to apologize for something. i am, as you might imagine, agog, considering the rarity of apologies from this girl. she tells me she wrote a short story and submitted it to her university journal to be published, and that in hindsight she thinks she should have asked for my permission first.

i am, obviously, suspicious. to her credit, she gives it to me to read through and then leaves to go do christmas shopping. it's a muddy-ish faux-deep piece about a narrator who has a best friend struggling with mental illness and self harm.

(oh, you might say. to which i say, yeeeeah.)

in the story, the narrator depicts the struggle of trying to care about somebody who is in pain, referring to the best friend as 'cariad' the whole way through, which is just so weird i'm not even going to touch on it. google it if you'd like. the line that i still remember (and will probably remember until the day i die) is the one where she describes her cariad as feeling the need to use a razor as a microphone.

i honestly don't recall what i said when she eventually came back, but i contained all of the aggression of a piece of pocket lint at the time, so i imagine it was along the lines of oh. yeah, okay. [insert image of the saddest wettest cat you've ever seen]

i never saw her again. we went our separate ways, and that was that. we never talked about it.

(the one upside of it was that my mom, with whom i have a Notoriously Contentious relationship, was outraged on my behalf. that was the first (in many years) and last (ever) time we were on the same side of a battle, so, you know. silver linings.)

but the real indignity of it to me was that my friend never really knew. i never really told her about what was happening in my head. she never knew why i was hurting myself, or how bad it got, because i did everything i could to keep that to myself, and at the end of the day, she thought it was all for attention to the degree she wrote a transparently biographical account of it and chose razor as a microphone as a phrase on purpose.

dead girls started as a way to process the complicated feelings i had about that friendship and then obviously ultimately became a whole different creature in the process. i wanted to write about how it felt to go through that never having had another close friendship to compare it to, and how confusing and nauseating it was to have other people point out shitty behaviour.

it became about healing when you can't get closure. how do you move on when you'll never know why somebody hurt you?

nothing that happens in the book is based on real life events between us, partly because i'm not a hypocrite, and partly because if your work can be traced back to your personal experiences, perhaps you should do what you can to be kind.

'my julia,' as i like to call her (she is not named julia, because, oh my god) is nothing like julia hoskins in appearance or general personality. but the way she made me feel? oh, that's all there. nora feels it the way i felt it.

i wrote dead girls back in 2020, and got agented with it in 3 weeks of sending my first query. we got a book deal for it with a penguin random house imprint 1 year later to the day, and next week it's going to be out in the world, and i'm not going to lie, it feels really damn good.

also, her short story got rejected by her university, because it was bad. so you might lose some, but you win some, too.

[mandareeboo]

Manda! Please, please help me understand because I am so confused and I immediately thought of your Tumblr soon as I saw this trending – why is gravity Falls/bill/Stanford trending again all of a sudden? Why is the Bilford ship trending all of a sudden? Has something happened or is there an anniversary taking place of some kind?

May also ask for your opinions regarding the following – what do you think Stan’s greatest flaw is? And what is your opinion on the dynamic between ford and bill?

I’d come across an interview from Alex saying that he felt Ford’s greatest flaw was his arrogance and it made me wonder about Stan’s.

Hi! The Book of Bill just came out and slaughtered us with full canon knowledge that Ford and the triangle most likely boinked. It's on amazon and I hear it's really good!

Stan's biggest weakness is probably his jealousy! It's ruined a lot in his life for him. It was what drove him to go to the school that night in the first place. It cost him a long-time girlfriend. It almost cost him the kids, when he thought Ford was the preferred Grunkle and rampaged politically through town.

I can't say a whole lot about the Bill and Ford dynamic bc I've yet to read the Book of Bill but I think it's pretty toxic overall. Cipher basically just used him like a puppet to get his portal, ruining friendships and getting him into heaps of trouble. Old gay men and the weirdos they dated amiright.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

https://at.tumblr.com/lets-talk-spirituality/703755184537567232/rfw9at8itdad /// I agree with everything, you're right and it's okay for you to act this way!

curiously I see a lot of myself on you, i'm a teenager, i grew up in an abusive household, and I have a poor communication with my parents (they’re divorced) it's a loooong story but summing up i developed many issues and attracted toxic friendships, i'm trying my best to heal and i know how you feel when people twist your words and put pressure on you, i know because I go through this since childhood (reason why i have only two friends lol. I don't consider friend friendship without depth. To protect my energy and mental health). I'm too caring toward others and I dont want to disappoint anyone. My life is boring but at least my heart is in peace. I have emotional blockage and use this as a way to avoid becoming codependent with an abusive person, i fear i would love unconditionally anyone who gives me the love i didnt received and wished so badly my entire life. I don't like having to be strong all the time, sometimes I feel exhausted i wish i could rely on someone.

Is easy to gaslight and manipulate me (i'm not even tell a story that happened to me with a narcisist during 2021😂 now i'm laughing but at that time i wanted to yell) after i realized this, i started to develop some defense and i never open up about me to others and only share what i don't mind people knowing. I don't trust my own self and need validation but finally i'm working on it and developing confidence. Consequently these wounds - plus many issues and anxiety - made me highly empathetic and intuitive (unfortunately not on a psychic level), I would never do to other people what was done to me. We don't have to become the monster that destroyed us.

I appreciate that you haven't given up on this blog even with all the trigger and annoying people, I wouldn't handle it, honestly, i'm glad you share knowledge and don't let negativity get in your way, the process of healing from trauma is very complicated. Wishing you the best! 🌱💕

sorry for bad english

Omg. Hi! Welcome to the tribe. So glad you found the blog and me because yes. We have very similar experiences and probably relate and can understand each other very deeply. If anything I hope it makes you feel less alone and gives you hope that things can always grow and strengthen. Reading your ask made me tear up a bit, because thank you for validating me and my experience and my reactions and for truly understanding what I said. I also feel like maybe we are connecting for the reason of feeling community and that’s so nice. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with me.

I’m adding you to the psychic bestie circle, because I was literally on the phone with my mom (also a long story, because who likes ‘em short?) about how I view loyalty and how seriously I take that and why it makes it hard for me to make friends and feel like I belong. I think trauma does this thing where you can’t take relationships lightly because so many of core your relationships are fractured and it doesn’t feel safe to have friends or other people around you can’t fully trust. It can be hard to engage with people who are more light and casual at times because it’s like they don’t really understand what it’s like. I struggle to connect a lot because I feel people don’t understand the depth of what experiences like this mean and how they shape us.

And you nailed it. I did that with my exes. I’m a lot more healed now because I rarely feel things (blessing and a curse, amiright?) for people, but part of me is so terrified to meet a healthy partner because I know so much of this will come up. Being love starved makes you primed for codependency. There’s this thing I wrote once:

“You’re going to hurt me.”

“No. I’m going to love you, and sometimes they feel the same.”

If you’ve only ever known love that hurts, healthy love hurts too, because it almost exacerbates how badly you were treated by offering a comparison. I can’t find a way to expand this feeling through words, so I hope you get what I’m saying.

And yes again! I literally wrote after talking to my mom not an hour ago “why do I always have to be the adult” I’m always the glue holding shit together, the one no one ever worries about because I always handle it. My sister is dealing finally with her trauma from all this and my mom is all I wanna be there for her and wanted to talk to me about what happened growing up honestly. And it’s like why couldn’t you offer me that when I was suicidal for the past two years (2020/2021) but you can give that to my sister (who deserves that obvi, but like I do too).

That’s the shit that kills me sometimes and I know it’s playing victim but sometimes it’s really like just because I’m smart and strong and wise and capable of holding it all together, doesn’t mean you can just neglect me. Doesn’t mean I should have to hold it all together all the time. That’s kinda what I mean about people negating my hard work. Like people I’ve encountered, generally speaking, seem to not understand my struggle because in a way I make it look bearable or something. I’m only like that because I had to bear it. There was no option. Whether I make it look easy or not, doesn’t mean it is. I could only ever rely on myself— ultimately things I’m grateful for, I’m sure you get this push and pull too between appreciating what you went through and how it grew you and also resenting it deeply because you’d rather be well adjusted.

Idk why today all my trauma is stirring around. Maybe because of therapy yesterday but it’s like all day I’ve had this energy going around. Anyway, sweet nonnie. I can tell you have an amazing and loving soul and I feel so much power from you, it’s quiet but formidable. If you ever want to chat in the DMs. I’m here for you! And your English was fucking perfect and I’m impressed AF because I can only speak English and un poquito de Espanol. Sending so much love and healing and just general joy to you! 💫⭐️☀️ Never let the dirt dim your shine. You’re golden baby and you only grow more rare with time. Mwah 💋

[anakirui]

c!Puffy

First impression

discount skeppy. yeah idk

Impression now

she's cool. i think she should be given more credit than she has by the fandom and should be recognized as more than just a """mom figure""" because thats honestly incorrect... but so far nothing about her c! truly appeals to me. her interactions with c!happyduo have really added a lot of substance/insight into their individual characters though

Favorite moment

idk man. puffy calling bbh selfish just hits different

Idea for a story

mmmm ive had this idea before but c!sapnap and c!puffy bonding over shared trauma over c!happyduo being dickheads to them

Unpopular opinion

some people need to stop acting like she is the scum of the earth. like yes , her suggesting to kill red skeppy to bring c!skeppy back was fucked up and the way she acts towards c!happyduo seems fucked but in reality it's not when you take context into account. c!happyduo have treated her far worse.

she has the right to not trust c!bad after the egg arc because his apology was literally him shifting blame onto ant, also her impression of c!skeppy was never good. c!skeppy literally yelled at her, almost killed her, was in general an asshole to her, and forced her to stop giving him and c!bad therapy during a session because he "didn't like it." early egg arc c!puffy probably saw c!skeppy as the problem in c!happyduos friendship; i mean ffs she literally had to pretend to be him because according to her, c!skeppy wasnt emotionally there for c!bad, while c!skeppy was shittalking him to her.

they've got issues.

but now she clearly recognizes that bad is also the problem. so i dont think she thinks they can really be "saved" and given that she's been stepped on far too many times, her turning away from the server now just makes sense.

Favorite relationship

yeah... skeppy and puffy actually. i want skeppys hatred of her to get followed up on because dear god the way he acted in the early egg arc was ... haha toxic traits amiright??

i just feel like it would be very nice to see if skeppy still harbors these very aggressive feelings towards her after his whole involvement with the egg or if puffy lacks any actual trust for him as of right now.

Favorite headcanon

hmmm... idk tbh

[threewaysdivided]

I saw your conversation about Sam Manson. I was talking to Imekitty about this, but I’ve noticed a few things that (sort of) make Sam’s relationship with her parents seem more like teen-drama than actual hardship. If you look closely, she’s got a lot in common with them: outspoken political-activism, possible shared-interest in vintage clothes, and no shame in saying they don’t like certain people. Also, after the Fentons, they were the first to volunteer to use the Ecto-Skeleton, risks and all.

(In reference to this post.)

It’s been a little while since I rewatched DP so I’m not well-placed to do a detail-analysis implication-breakdown right now, but yeah - that fits with the overall impression I remember getting.  To me they came across as being sort of old fashioned set-in-their-ways conservative and snooty, and maybe a bit too Pleasantville -  but more often in the way of parents who do genuinely want good things for her and to be able to be proud of her despite not really understanding her interests, choices or friends and being very bad at expressing it.  Plus she seems to have her grandmother fully in her corner a lot of the time.

I really wish that the writers had committed to one or the other; either making it clear that Sam’s martyr/ persecution complex is mostly just regular self-inflicted teen-drama BS and giving her an arc addressing it, OR fleshing out the idea that she faces a lot of judgement/ pressure/ control/ nonacceptance in her home life and that her negative traits are a bi-product of defensive/ coping mechanisms resulting from that strained dynamic, rather treating things with Roger Rabbit Rules.  

(Which isn’t to say that a person can’t have similar interests/ personality traits to, and positive interactions with, their parents while still having a strained, broken or even abusive relationship with them on a deeper level, but the show never really goes hard enough in either direction to make it work.)

As mentioned the last post, this is kind of a consistent pattern across DP - the writers tend go with the low-effort first answer for whatever is Funny or Awesome or Convenient in the moment rather than putting in the work to find a solution that’s consistent with the characterisation, themes and world-lore overall.  There’s enough internal contradiction in the show that I don’t think it’s actually possible to take every canon detail as canon without fundamentally breaking things.  And in some ways that’s kind of cool; it makes the series more open to interpretation, and trying to distinguish authorial intent from authorial incompetence and come up with theories that account for as many pieces of canon as possible is really satisfying.  But, you know, it’s also kind of bad writing in general.

I think the thing that bothers me about Sam’s characterisation in particular is that - where it tends to be more obviously out-of-character when it shows up in other places - there’s a pattern to the inconsistency with how the writers handle Sam:

Throughout the series there’s a double standard in how Sam sees herself/ seems to expects others to act, compared to her own behaviour:

Despite being pro-pacifism she’s okay with smacking Tucker and encouraging Danny to destroy the trucks she doesn’t like

Sam values self-expression and is a feminist, but derides other girls for wanting to express themselves in a conventionally feminine way

Sam doesn’t like being forced to conform to others’ values but is okay with forcing others to conform to hers

Despite being anti-consumerist she shows very little discomfort at, or awareness of, her lavish home life and material belongings

She encourages Danny to take the moral high ground towards his bullies but has no problem antagonising and getting into petty verbal spats with Paulina herself

Sam stalks Danny and his love interest out of jealousy/ protectiveness but threatens to end their friendship when he does the same

In Mystery Meat, when Danny tries to express his discomfort/ anxiety, Sam hijacks the conversation to complain about her own parents instead of listening.

In One of a Kind Sam photographs Danny and Tucker hugging in their sleep, without their knowledge, with the stated intent of putting it in the yearbook, then uses it to blackmail them into silence. 

Side note: this joke is also tacky on a meta-level because it boils down to “male intimacy ha ha toxic masculinity no homo amiright?“ Would have been nice if show didn’t use low-key sexist humour as much as it did.

Instead of expressing that she’s hurt by Danny’s “pretty girls” comment in Parental Bonding, Sam retaliates by pushing him to ask Paulina out - a move she knows will most likely result in him getting publicly shut down and humiliated.

Then, after getting the result she wanted, she comes over to gloat and insults Paulina, rather than dropping it now that her point’s been made, which is what ultimately sets off the episode’s subplot.

In Memory Blank Sam permanently physically alters Phantom’s appearance to better suit her tastes while he’s not in a position to understand or give informed consent, then lies when Danny notices and asks about it later.

To be clear this definitely isn’t the be-all-and-end-all of her character and it’s not there 100% of the time - there are plenty of moments when she is loyal and generous and helpful and sincerely kind and where her stubbornness comes in handy.  But it’s the aggregate pattern of all these small instances that drives a crack through the foundation of her character integrity; producing this insidious undercurrent alternate-reading of Sam as someone who, at a deep level, just doesn’t respect or recognise that the emotional needs, pains, opinions, autonomy and boundaries of others are as real and valid as her own, and who responds to criticism with passive-aggressive hostility.

Again, I think that’s why people are so quick to point out that line from Phantom Planet, even though we all know the episode was a complete mess.  None of the examples above are particularly bad in isolation - you can’t really point at any one of them and say “oh no, bad girl” without sounding like you’re making a mountain out of molehill and irrationally hating on her just to hate on her.  It’s an uncomfortable slowburn pattern of subtle micro-transgressions that accumulates across the series - a “you might not notice it but your brain did”.  And it makes sense that it would be the worst-written episode that amplifies and brings that regular bad-writing undercurrent close enough to the surface for people to consciously recognise and use it to articulate those frustrations.

To wit: Not because it’s most telling of her character but because it’s most telling of the specific bad writing that regularly hurts her character. 

And again, from a storytelling point of view, it’s okay for Sam to have flaws.  She’s a teenager!  She’s learning.  She’s allowed to be egocentric and self-important and do things that aren’t the best at times.  It’s okay if these are her character weaknesses and a source of conflict with the rest of the cast.  But again, for that to be satisfying something really should have come of it.  It would have been nice if the writers were willing to have any self-awareness about these flaws being flaws that a person should recognise and grow past in order to have healthy relationships with others.  But they didn’t - because it’s easier to keep her as she is - to the point that they’ll actively bend the narrative to roll back or skip over moments that would have necessitated that growth.  So, even though they call attention to her flaws, the writers end up rewarding and enabling them instead of letting her learn.

And again, this isn’t meant to hate on Sam.  Hanlon’s Razor in full effect: it’s clearly a result of authorial/editorial incompetence rather than deliberate malice.  I know this isn’t the intended interpretation.

My preferred reading of Sam Manson is that she’s a Rosa Hubermann/ Hermione Granger/ YJS1 Artemis Crock-type character.  Someone who’s passionate and forceful and maybe a bit abrasive and hard to love at a glance, but whose core nature is compassionate and sincerely kind and loyal-to-the-death for the people they value.  I wish I could 100% like her without caveats; to be able to say that even if I don’t agree with her flaws I can at least understand that they’re a valid product of the life she lives, that they make her who she is and that she’s trying her best to be a good person who will get better despite them.  

But I can’t because the writers don’t give her that.  They’re always prioritising other things over the integrity of her character.  They don’t give her background enough time and context to make her negative traits feel resonant with it (because that would take time away from the Wicked Cool Radical Ghost-Fighting Superhero Action™) and the framing and plotting doesn’t give her chances to recognise or grow past them (because that would mean character development and those negative traits are an easy source of cheap conflict).  The writers just don’t seem to care all that much about Sam - her actual character, who she is, how she came to be that way, what she wants or how her negative traits would actually play against Danny and the others.

And that sucks.  Because she has a lot of potential to be a well-rounded and great character.  I’ve seen plenty of fics that seize that potential and roll with those gaps and the result is very good.  I wish I could like her canon depiction without feeling like I have to actively ignore a bunch of latent behavioural red flags as the price of entry.

She deserved better.

[serendipitous-magic]

I didn't think ST Season 3 was that bad until I read The Real Season 3 and now it's absolutely replacing the Netflix version in my head. People actually LEARNING from the shit they went through the past two times and WORKING TOGETHER? That's a concept clearly lost on Netflix

There was... a lot wrong with what they did to S3, in my humble opinion. Not even necessarily from a fan POV, but from a storytelling POV. The characterization was flat, overblown, over the top, and abominable. The characters were not only completely unrecognizable, but paper-thin caricatures, all of them reduced down to a handful of exaggerated traits (Joyce basically became “yelling lady,” Hop became “bumbling barbaric DadBod Cop who says things like “i’m the chief of police, I can do whatever I want,” which like??? Those aren’t even original traits of his character??? They didn’t even reduce him down to a handful of his original traits, they literally just changed his entire??? Character???? What the fuck?? What the fuck????)

Not to mention the plot. Structurally, it was awful. It was action-driven, with too many villains (that didn’t make sense or have any thematic weight), it didn’t carry on the same themes, tones, or even many of the same plot points from previous seasons. An 18 year old in a Screenwriting For TV 101 class could have put together a better season. It’s like the writers were like “you know what we’ll do? We’ll just crowdsource. We’ll just give the loudest fans everything they want.” And they did. The majority of the ST fanbase FUCKING LOVED mileven in S2? They made S3 all about mileven, to the point that the relationship devolved into toxicity and became flat, forced, and really uncomfortable. People wanted to see more Erica?? Well, good, because she’s a main character now for some reason!! People liked Dustin and Steve working together?? Cool, because now that’s ALL YOU’RE GONNA GET!!! 

They literally just forgot a lot of the thematic through-lines of the first two seasons. Like. Theme? I don’t know her.

Also the loose ends. Where’d they go? No one knows! Remember how Brenner might not be dead? Nope! Remember Khali and the others? Nope! Remember how the Mind Flayer was actually a sinister and complex villain, with logic and goals and a solid rule structure for how it can operate and what it can and cannot do? Nope! Now it’s a goo-monster that possesses literally just anyone and everyone and turns things into slime. ..... fucking what.

Not to mention how goddamn problematic a lot of it was, coming from a social angle. Like, first of all, let’s not even get into how they were going to make Robin straight with a crush on Steve until Maya Hawke suggested they make her a lesbian - AND that, coincidentally, Will stops being a character right around the time that Robin comes out in the show. HMMMMM, THAT’S FUCKING WEIRD, IT’S ALMOST LIKE THEY DECIDED “EH, ONE QUEER IS ENOUGH, AMIRIGHT”???? Hate that. Haaaaaaate that. 

And how Jopper became so cartoonish and toxic and unhealthy, it was just... sad. It was just really uncomfortable and sad. This is the relationship we want to be modeling? Really? It wasn’t even “realistic relationship struggles” or “a realistic example of how a strong relationship can go south because human relationships are extremely complex,” nope. It was just. They just yelled at each other and put each other down and were mean to each other, and it was just... really disheartening to see their relationship reduced to fucking that.

AND the cartoonish, over-the-top portrayal of Nancy’s sexist coworkers. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a conversation that needs to be brought up in media, but this shit was just bloated and cheesy and honestly probably did more harm than good. Again: caricatures. Caricatures everywhere.

And Mileven being so uncomfortable and toxic? Making out 24/7, not acutally, yanno, talking or having a relationship outside of making out, and then Mike being like “I know, I’ll buy back the emotional girl’s affections!” EW EW EW EW EW. And making it all about high-school drama in the most gross and shallow way... “I dump your ass...” .... I.... Look, I don’t ship mileven romantically (here’s why) but I ship their friendship so fucking hard from S1 and S2. And S3 really, really dealt mileven a hard blow. Like everything else, it became so flat and uncomfortable. 

ANYWAY, that became much more than I intended (it’s been almost a year and clearly I am still incensed about what they did to this story), so I’ll just say:

After I saw S3, I was like “... I have to fix this somehow. I have to give these characters and this story that I love so much a wrap-up that does it a little bit more justice than... whatever the fuck just happened.” So I made this plan to re-write it as a fix-it-fic, and here we are.

Also, I know it’s slow. I know, and I am so very sorry. I get myself into way too may projects and then none of them get any progress. 

I’M SORRY ascfcszgcdsgvxc

Anyway yeah there’s yet another rant about S3 that I didn’t plan on making but here we are, lmaooo

[shattered-catalyst]

So this  isnt for anything other than just to say what happened just so I feel heard and I can explain why I cant be as energetic and socially active on here. Its not a callout post or to be reblogged/shared by people. Its not to get anyone in trouble or to cause any reaction. It’s just for me to let it out and reclaim this space again. Its been a year since it happened and I guess I’m just still noticing how badly it has impacted my PTSD. How much its changed me as a person both online and off, and this isnt a woe as me thing either this is just me feeling a need to be heard and explain my own behavior over the year and also to make one simple request of you guys: no matter what you do, always treat your rp partners as people first and writers second.

Because I feel myself becoming bitter and that isnt who I am and I dont want to be someone like that. Or like this. I want to be me again

The person who did this wont be named mainly because they dont deserve it and yall dont need to know. Their behavior when I confronted them more than cements the impression that they dont see any harm in what they said and how they reacted. And again this isnt about them though In A Way I suppose it is? it takes two to tango but it takes one to encourage someone to kill themselves.

This is going to be long because I need to inform on the activity that lead up to this  because it didnt just happen over night- though in a way it did. But you need a better picture of this person because apparently they present a really great face that only a few of us see the manipulative and toxic side of.

This person was always very judgemental and hyper critical. I witnessed a lot of very negative and toxic behavior from them but I was naive and just hoped they would mature as they grew older and gained more independence. I thought it was just a toxic friend group and that perhaps she would recognize her self destructive and immature behavior and grow from it. 

My first red flag should have been when they accused me of being their ex girlfriend SOLELY because I was living in PA. I hate to break it to yall, but PA is a big ass state and has a lot of comic book loving ladies. Thankfully I have never met this person IRL and I hope I never do.

They tried to pull me into making fun of other muns on discord, including mocking sensitive pictures from a mun’s personal blog. I blatantly said it wasnt okay and made me uncomfortable and she continued laughing and making jokes about it with her friend group on discord. She kept trying to pull me into it no matter how often I tried to change the subject.

Her group of friends also did this thing where one of them would go interact with a mun an they would take screenshots of the convo and share it with the group and mock the mun they were interacting with. Whether it be their presentation of character/grahics/writing style/ etc.

The other red flags I ignored? How much she complained and mocked other muns and compared them to me; if anyone did anything or said anything she disagreed with it was an instant blow up. She took EVERYTHING personally including other people writing the same characters she did, having differing headcanons, not knowng obscure details about canon, etc.

She once tried to make fun of a new writing partner I had who was writing the same character, and I had to break it to her that this new person could write in her first language if she wanted to; im being very vague but let me just say if you and your character have the same first language and you want to write in it then its completely WRONG for a white mun to try and make fun of you for it.

She once suggested I had stolen pictures off her pinterest when she sent me a moodboard request for my character. Jokes on her I didnt even know she HAD a pinterest and I had gotten all my pictures from the ‘green aesthetic’ tag on tumblr. Which I told her but she kept pushing the idea on me I had stolen them. I of course dismissed this and put it on the back burner despite the alarm bells going off.

This hyper critical and paranoid behavior continues with everything from other canon blogs making similar head canons/ vaguely similar graphics/ to fanfiction authors having similar head canons/plot ideas.

My penname Citrus? I didnt want one. I didnt want it. She demanded I have a pen name and if not she was going to call me Cat. Now as yall know I dont like being enmeshed with my muse so I keep myself separate from them. I didnt like being called Cat and I told her that explicitly. She kept doing it. So I had to make a pen name because she refused to respect my boundaries.

When the Deadpool movie came out she DEMANDED I change my FC to reflect the movie Despite Not Changing Hers to reflect her own characters new look - which might i add is fat erasure. It was clear then that the rules and standards she held other people to didnt apply to herself. I was labeled problematic for not giving into her demands to change FCs (which I have a literal logical reason for not changing and im not explaining that here)

So I shouldve left. Long story short I didnt because every friendship I’d been in until around this time had been abusive and toxic. I thought this was all normal behavior for people to have and I was convinced I was just being critical of someone elses opinions/ insensitive etc. Thanks to my colleagues in graduate school and to several of you on here I learned that ‘hey dumbass friends dont treat your ass like this’.

Im leaving a lot out about the shit she did/said to me but those snippets give you an idea of things.

Leading up she decided to leave fandom and asked we didnt talk about marvel I said cool okay and didnt talk about marvel with her. If I did I would ask first if she was okay if we talked about one small aspect I thought might excite her/ she would like to know about but it wasnt often that happened because she began ghosting me. Hard. She stopped replying to me at all over discord when I would try and talk to her how we used to about our lives. She didnt answer any asks for munday or character development, in fact she blatantly ignored me.

I checked in a couple times with her to make sure I hadnt done anything to make her uncomfortable and she said no. May I emphasize she said no here. Im emphasizing it right now. She said no. She said everything was fine. So when I was like hey dude this is super triggering for me can you send me like a hi every once in awhile just so I can know we’re okay because its super triggering for me. Yall know what she did? She ‘lmao’-ed. she thought that was hecka funny. Yeah triggering ‘Citrus’ is hilarious isnt it? No it isnt and I shouldve cut her ass off right then and there.

Heres where shit gets confusing: she kept fucking talking about marvel to me. Id get messages at random times about marvel and then silence for weeks. I vividly remember during this period I was cleaning the museum vault and she kept messaging me about her marvel fc’s and how she wouldnt get a plotline and how characters were wrong etc.

I remember being REALLY confused because she had said NO MARVEL. But here she was bitching at me about marvel. In fact thats all she did when she did talk to me. Which was only like three or four times during the ghosting time period. She’d bitch about marvel and then vanish.

Shed make claims about not watching her dash and thats why she never responded to me/ interacted with me. She’d say she wasnt talkng to anyone while I see her on the dash TALKING TO PEOPLE and Id like to point out Ive told her I would be fine ending anything as long as she let me know.

but she followed me on every blog and throughout this time period she made and followed me on numerous ones. She kept reaching out sporadically to bitch about her fcs/how horrible marvel was/ and thats it. 

It was extremely confusing because if someone doesnt want to talk to me I assume they will; 1. unfollow 2. block 3. say goodbye 4. ghost and stay ghosted.

Not cycle through behavior rapidly. I asked her a few times if we were good and that I was confused and I got another ‘lmao’ reaction so I assumed we were good. At this point I still have no idea what was going on/ what message I was supposed to be receiving other than confusion.

So following this is heavily suicide tw and I encourage you not to read this part and to scroll down until the suicide tw is over which is highlighted in bold- if you’re triggered by that because I care about those who follow my blog.

So thats when this shit happened. I had tried reaching out to her on a different fandom platform to try and maintain the friendship. Because she said numerous times that we were friends. So like I reached out thinking maybe she just didnt want a marvel blog period.  It wasnt too long after that that she suicide baited me.

I was in a really bad place and had been for awhile and when I posted about how the only thing holding me on was the new comic coming out and specifically said “im seriously suicidal and this comic is the only thing giving me hope #idk what to do anymore ”. I was surprised when she liked the post.

I was three steps into a four step plan. I had everything but the method planned out and was just waffling along with that. Because yknow its complicated and you do it you make it count amiright. Right. I was in a fucked up place. I had just realized I was gay, I was horrendously depressed, I was in considerable physical pain, I was working 70 hours a week, my OCD was at an all time high and the only thing that kept me on this earth was a fucking comic book. You hold onto what you need to yknow?

WELL APPARENTLY NOT

Because this person who doesnt read her dash? This person who doesnt want to talk about anything? Liked that post where I specifically stated I was suicidal and sent me a discord message saying “dont have hope”.

Thats all it said “dont have hope”

Now I know what youre thinking but hold on because it gets worse.

I said something about being confused I dont really remember because I was pretty out of it. I do remember she kept going on about how horrible the comic would be and that it would be a piece of trash. I remember telling her I was really numb and in a bad place and couldnt feel anything. I remember her sending me screencaps and continuing to go ON AND ON about how it wasn’t worth reading.

I remember with gross intensity how someone who said they were my friend was taking away the only thing that was keeping me alive.

I dont remember how the conversation ends. I called out of work for the next three days. I was catatonically depressed and unable to really move. I didnt eat either. I went to internship, work, and school in a state of dissociation.

 I took screencaps of everything and set them aside for later. IDK what I was going to use them for but I set them in a folder on my desktop, looking back I regret what I did next; because I deleted them. I deleted them because I thought maybe she had been manic or drunk and hadn’t realized the scope of what was happening. I wanted to talk to her about it and clear things up because I believed in her. I believed there was no way she would be so callous as to do that on purpose. No way would someone try and get someone they called a friend to kill themselves. So I deleted the screencaps and my post on tumblr. I deleted all evidence to protect her and I encourage you all never to fucking do that even if you think that person misunderstood the gravity of your situation. Because if you’re wrong no ones going to believe you.

I remember shifting between intense depression and total denial.

I spent the rest of that month in and out of intense dissociative states when I wasnt in class or working with my clients.  During the middle of October my sister sent me pictures of a litter of puppies and I was like ‘well, i really need to either kill myself or make sure i dont’. I spent a few days continuing to waffle with that decision but then i remembered my mom cosigned my loans and I cant leave her with that debt because fuck we cant even afford my funeral to begin with. So I adopted a dog, I named him Julio to remind me to keep living and he finally came to me on halloween.

He was the only reason I left bed on my days off. I tried not to think about it but I did.  

I continued to spiral with heavier dissociative episodes and vivid nightmares about it.

SUICIDE TW OVER

I waited until Christmas to ask her to clarify the situation and let her know I no longer felt comfortable writing with her. I reminded her what happened and told her to check her discord if she wanted to see for herself etc.

She sent two long asks of combative, emotionally abusive, and gaslighting accusations. The first thing she did was say I needed to provide evidence if I went around making accusations like that. Then she cascaded into how I always talked about marvel *points up to where i explained what happened earlier*.  She tried gaslighting me like a champion and tried turning me into a horrible person the only problem is everything she was accusing me of doing was the shit she was doing to me. Everything. 

Even if I was bad at any time I had given her numerous chances to tell me I was overstepping a boundary- she always said no. I gave her numerous times to unfollow me if she wasnt interested in interacting with me- she never did. In fact I had unfollowed her that month because of her behavior towards me and she hadnt even noticed.

I let her know I could tell she was angry,  and that I didnt take receipts of private conversations because I believed in settling things like adults, and that if she ever wanted any proof it was all in her discord anyway. I let her know she could contact me to apologize but otherwise I didnt want her on any of my blogs and I told her the first thing she should have done wasnt demand receipts but she should have asked if I was okay. Its a real reflection of where her priorities were when she demands evidence rather than checks to see if a writing partner is okay.

Even if I did something horrible it doesnt warrant someone trying to get me to end my life. 

I was notified she put a post on her blog apologizing to her followers for being a bad friend and that she was a horrible person and ofc everyone was like ‘noooo youre perfect’ and its like ya thats not for me who hasnt followed her in months- thats to save face.

Her friends blogs kept visiting my profile and going through the month where this happened.

Everything she did and said was to save face. Her blog and her reputation are the only thing she cared about. She has never approached me to apologize or anything of the sort and I doubt she ever will. I would hope she would never do this again and I hope she has grown as a person since. That her life is better and her mother is okay, that shes happy and learning. 

 I know by posting this I will never receive an apology- then again i never expected one to begin with. I could go through all the trouble of restoring the deleted files but to be honest it isnt worth it because theres no room in my life for that type of toxicity.

Since this happened I:

I have stronger episodes of depression and dissociation since.

My PTSD has increased and I have week long spikes in anxiety attacks, depression and decreased self worth if I even see her around the rpc despite being blocked, blacklisted on xkit etc.

Have more difficulty completing basic self care tasks due to an increase in depression and a decrease in self worth.

I have nightmares about this event and her to this day a year later.

I cannot interact with the RPC how I once did as I fear seeing her on my dash or any sort of information getting back to her about me.

It took me half a year to see the character she wrote as as safe again and for awhile I couldnt even look at him without experiencing an anxiety attack.

I keep having nightmares. Its been a year and I still have nightmares about this.

I find myself having more difficulties connecting with people online especially on this blog. I’m constantly on edge when interacting with people and I feel spikes of anxiety at the merest thought of someone talking about me to her.

I find myself unable to have confidence as a writer or creator online because I have been reminder of the cement wall between oc characters and their canon counterparts.

I cannot go out and just follow anyone and be friendly and trusting with them anymore, even with people I already know. In the back of my mind is a constant reminder of how she and her friends used to check up on people and pretend to write with them/ interact with them just to take screenshots of conversations to share with the group. I have become a paranoid little bitch in the past year is what Im saying. like theres 0 need for that shit.

I blocked most of the people she interacted with simply to save myself from being triggered by her blogs/ mentions of her and that isnt fair to those people.

I remember the photo incident and how people derived such joy from mocking someones body. I can think of so many incidents of them making fun of others and I remember how that could be happening about me rn, and I wonder if anyone would stick up for me like I did for the other mun.

 I hope by posting this I can try and return to the person I was before this happened. I can try and not be so bitter and reach out again to others. That somehow I can continue working on making tumblr a safe place for me again and not a PTSD laced minefield.

I would like to remind this isnt a callout and I request if you know who this is about you dont say anything to them. This isnt for them. They have NEVER reached out to apologize for their actions. They have NEVER checked to see if I was okay after that. They have NEVER shown any remorse for encouraging me to kill myself and while I hope they’ve grown from the situation and will never do it again I doubt I will ever get closure from such an event. But i DO hope by writing this I can take this place back.

Consider this my first step towards bringing this up to a therapist.

 Consider this another step to me taking this blog back and feeling safer here; and maybe just maybe Ill make up a cool pen name for myself and own that shit.

If you’ve read this far thank you for your patience with me, and I request you always treat your writing partners like the people that they are. 

This post is not intended or written to leave this blog and therefore I request you not reblog it or share segments of it with ANYONE. If I find you have shared anything on here without my explicit permission I will block you.

‘Citrus’

[pariunt]

✿ :)c

🔪   PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP .    ╱    ACCEPTING

❛     I don’t .  .  . know how to place you. you’re scrappy and mean and big, but I kind of admire that as much as I hate to admit it. you don’t seem to die easy, but also don’t seem to know when to quit either.     ❜

FRIENDSHIP.     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in crime  /  old friendship  /  [ your muse ] is the good influence  /  [ your muse ] is the bad influence  /  [ my muse ] is the good influence  /  [ my muse ] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other .

ROMANCE.     childhood sweethearts  /  [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush  /  [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [ from your muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from my muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from both sides ]  /  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ]  /  soulmates  [ literal ]  /  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [ on your muse ]  /  cheating [ with your muse ]  /  other .

FAMILIAL.     siblings [ half ]  /  siblings [ step ]  /  [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  /  [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  /  [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours  /  [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  /  [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing  /  [ my muse ] is taken under yours wing  /  other .

ANTAGONISTIC.     dangerous to each other  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into sexual or romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of off circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based off misunderstanding or lies  /  conflict of ideology  /  betrayal  /  hero - villain dynamic  /  enemies  /  fight club  /  friends turned enemies  /  lovers turned enemies  /  exes turned enemies  /  other .

some plot ideas based off of the stuff above ! if it doesn’t fit what you want / how your muse would react then no pressure ! ♥

FRIENDSHIP.    a circumstantial friendship is probably the most obvious one since he’s seen how ‘ fight-y ’ David is and he’s smart enough to know he can learn a thing or two about how his creator’s world works through watching him. Both when he fails and when he succeeds. But I think that may shift into being a more real kind of relationship after a while, even if he is frustrated by trying to understand David. He wants to pick at his brain and he has the impression that David may have the same sentiment, but he’s afraid of the punishment he may receive from the entity if he shares too much with him. Because of this and their clashing objectives and personalities, I think it’d be a rough start of a friendship but honestly, I kind of like the idea of them being at odds with each other and then gradually growing to be closer. Dynamic duo type thing. Also if he doesn’t let Oni climb up on his shoulders he’s gonna be sad, David tall and he wants the height to be able to see where the killer is and totally not because he just wants to be on his shoulders. 

FAMILIAL.    I’ve mentioned before that Oni could be capable of helping in wrangling the entity and freeing the survivors and killers, although this would take a lot of help and cooperation and would probably end with Oni barely surviving. Even if he did survive and the entity was killed he’d effectively be alone again, I’m not sure if it’d be within David’s character to be like “Well I guess this is mine now” but I did think it’d be a sweet idea if he kept Oni around and parented him a bit since he’s never had that. I think it’d also be a sweet gesture for the group to not totally abandon each other after escaping cause hey shared trauma amiright? and that would include the little hellspawn himself! who effectively has no home, no parent now, and no legal guardian. he wouldn’t really expect any sort of kindness still, even if he did just free the very people he was feeding on along with the entity he still fed on them. I think he’d be the only one in the group to just hover outside of it while they’re celebrating / relaxing now that they’re free, and just try to wander off out of embarrassment and total confusing on what to do now. I feel like maybe they could be kind of an endearing little family that struggles to find stability but does their best to take care of each other. Oni certainly isn’t easy to get along with at times with how bratty he can be, and how sensitive and anxious he is at being separated from people he latches to. I’d be aiming for maybe the vibe of a messy struggling but loving little family if that makes sense? Like they’re both Trying to be better and move on past the Entity and their own personal issues but it’s rough sometimes if that makes sense? So while I’m not sure if this would be a relationship you’re interested in or that fits David since he’s not mine and I don’t wanna be rude and force or assume, I thought it’d be a cute idea!

ANTAGONISTIC.    Oni’s killer verse leaves him open to being a big pain in the ass to survivors. He doesn’t really take things too seriously, to him it’s all a fun little game and he gets to play over and over again and have the time of his life. However, David’s will to survive is a little too strong for Oni’s taste, especially when he doesn’t want the man who insulted his creator to be the final boy or last man standing! Going against Oni’s make-believe bullshit script makes him go absolutely ballistic, he goes from being much more casual and playful when he’s hooking something too full-on tantrum mode, which wouldn’t normally be a problem if he didn’t have the power and strength of an eldritch abomination. I think his stance on David would fluctuate depending on how much of a problem he is each trial, if he manages to outsmart him and sacrifice him then he’ll be pleased and nonchalant, no hard feelings from him of course. But if he’s a problem for his “vision” then Oni will definitely be a brat and just tunnel him. I’m so sorry David. For the most part though he’s kind of on the fence about him, he’s fun to play with because he’s so willing to fight to survive which makes for a good show and he doesn’t want him to completely give up because then it isn’t fun.  ( which could be a fun avenue to explore if you wanted to since Oni does value every “actor in his script ) But when he doesn’t die when Oni wants him to he gets upset. Either way, he gets a lot of playful banter and one-liners, and he definitely brings out some of the most personality and raw emotion from Oni that he wouldn’t normally want to show. Overall he would be pretty unpredictable but it would be fun to see all of what that could spawn, like days where he’s “Just not feeling up to playing this game with you today” 

[imagine-wannaone]

Park Jihoon Vampire Au

Word count: 3.3k

This was a request for a Jihoon Vampire au and rlly loved writing this so yanno, I’d love to write a vamp au for another member as well ;) Also I had no idea how to make a lil header for this one so I didn’t?? Sorry about that, I’d ask Otter admin but like she seems busy lately so whoops

Things crossed out - Commentary from me

Things in bold - Commentary from Editor Katie

Things in italic - Commentary from Otter Admin because she’s special

OG Admin

• Your school wasn't exactly known for being an accepting place for vamps, (no shit sherlock) • I mean they survived there, sure, but you couldn't say they were widely accepted, so they tried to stay within their own groups and the majority of them caused no trouble, • You didn't quite understand the prejudice towards them, like yeah they could be very dangerous, but all of the ones that attended school showed no signs of being the corrupt, evil type, • But there was one vampire in particular, whenever anyone said anything it really made you angry, • He looked soft and kind, he never did anything that could cause any conflict, he was clever and gentle, and definitely very pretty, • And shy, • You'd smiled at him in the corridors before, to which he'd avoided eye contact, • Or you'd say hi if waiting nearby, or try to chat if you sat near each other in class, to which he'd turn away with a light blush on his ghostly pale skin, • (Legit Editor Katie tho she pale af) • You just wanted to be nice, but it upset you - the thought you made him uncomfortable, • Or maybe he wasn't shy, as most of the vamps at school acted this way towards you, and you were pretty sure it was because they were afraid you'd bring trouble, like most other humans, • You understood of course, but it didn't stop your simple smiles in the corridors, • But you're walking down the halls with some friends towards a geography class, • Gotta learn about some rivers amiright, (Moana is quaking) • But you hear shouting from down the corridor which makes your blood change to cold, • "-You dirty bloodsucking parasites need to stay in the night where God doesn't have to look at you," • Wow you're off to start a fight (งツ)ว • lmao a verbal one, physical fights are stupid,  • You approach from behind, spotting the guy that has Jihoon himself in a corner, looking down nervously, like he wanted to be anywhere but there, • "You're such a weak, bigoted blood bag," • You march right in there, shoving the guys shoulder back to stand next to Jihoon, the blood gushing through your ears, threatening to deafen you, • The boy has too much silver jewellery and a cross around his neck and you want to scoff, • Why make so much effort just to make someone uncomfortable? What's the point? • "You're always picking on vamps when, what? What did Jihoon do to trigger you? Simply walked past? Is your self control honestly so nonexistent you can't even keep your disgusting thoughts to yourself? You should work on that," • Wow the words just tumbling out what to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (-me to them peeps calling daehwi gay/greedy) • You didn’t think them through, and they're not what you'd imagined saying in the scenario you ran through your head every single time this happened, • But they're enough to make the brute stare at you in disbelief as you grab Jihoon's hand, still in a rage, and march him the hell outta there • Your adrenaline is running because you've finally done it, done what you'd always wanted to do • What someone (or everyone, really) should have done a long time ago, • You go to lead Jihoon outside but then realize there's only so much sun cream can do, so change direction to the school’s theater, where you know there's no lessons so it'll be dark • "Hey are you okay?" • You spin around to face him once you've arrived alone in the theater lobby, but you can't see him well in the gloom • You wonder how bad a vamp’s eyesight is in the day, if it's this bad and they just rely on their other senses • "You shouldn't have done that, they're going to pick on you as well now," • His quite voice is concerned and wary, it makes your heart ache • You head over to where the seats are probably are and successfully sit on one, not falling over in the dark • "Let them try," • You believe it • You may be known for being nice, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a sharp tongue and a strong passion • If people started to distance themselves from you now, you'd know who your true friends were • And you were definitely prepared to use your language, maybe even a few other ones as well, to make sure people knew you didn't give a shit about their prejudice opinions • And you definitely weren't going to let it stand anymore • Jihoon's quiet as he thinks over what you say, within the blink of an eye you can feel his cold presence sat near you • He doesn't quite understand you • Not at all • He doesn't understand why you stood up for him, what you have to gain, why you'd make yourself a target • Why someone he'd always viewed as so soft and kind, someone he tried to stay away from as to no be misfortune to, would voluntarily come to save him from an idiot in the hallway • He'd bite back, but he doesn't want the reputation of vampires to decrease even more, and he doesn't exactly see how it'd help, so he stays silent and resolute • But that confrontation is the beginning of a whole new life for you • A lot of your 'friends' started to distance themselves from you, or straight up told you they thought you were an idiot • Like it hurt, sure, but you stood by the fact that you were sick of the inequality, • You started to walk to classes more with Jihoon, your timetables startlingly similar • Not only because you could defend him easily when you're with him, but with your dwindling number of friends, you didn't have many other people to walk with • Not that you minded as much, you were glad you'd gotten rid of toxic people and were left with true friends

• Y'all 2k18 the year to get rid of toxic friendships (I should know rip) (-mood) • But one night it's like 2am and you're like???? I want to be free, go for a walk and buy some chocolate raisins because living on edge is fun • So that's exactly what you go to do • And you're walking back to your house in pitch black, feeling spooky™ and actually regretting your independence because something feels really off • Yeah I think we all know where this is going • You spot a pale, tall figure (everyone’s tall to u bro) behind you through a closed shop window, you instantly know it's a vamp (I’m 5′0″ legit I’m dying down here) • And you can hear them walking behind you, which means they're close because vampires are known for sneaking • And you will your heart beat to come down because you're 100% sure he can hear it and probably smell it • And you're just figuring out what to do as you speed walk down the street, • You can't run, vampires are speedy and they have better vision, you can't fight; they're stronger than humans • You're just about to start screaming when an icy hand wraps around your wrist, and you start to turn around to fight back, because what more can ya do, when you recognise the cologne, the height, the hair (I remember everyone’s height because they’re aLL TALLER THAN ME) • Wow Jihoon knows when to drop in, • He's gripped your wrist to make sure you stay behind him as he growls (exo is quakin), a terrifying hiss you'd never associate with someone as soft as Jihoon, at the dangerous stalker you had acquired  • Despite this, the feral vamp still lunges, dark sunken eyes focused onto you, almost oblivious of Jihoon • You guess he's hungry, and would feel bad if he wasn't making an attempt on your life • But I guess your own will to live outweighs your ability for sympathy, • (Can't relate) • But Jihoon skilfully spins you away before catching the attacker and basically throwing that bitch into a wall like shit man he got that pOwER • (By EXO is a bop), • You're shook because Jihoon, don't kill the already undead lil shit pls have some manners  • But then he grabs your hand and quickly leads you away like bruh slow down I'm only human, • "I'm so so sorry y/n, are you okay? Why are you out so late?" • You laugh at him as he stops you in a shadow of the already dark night, and wrap your arms around his shoulders tightly, • He's tense at first because human contact?? Why aren't u afraid imma drink your blood god dammit??? •And Jihoon can hear your blood and he's trying so hard not to smell it because you're in his arms and it'd be too easy, too evil (oh nonononono jeojang you ain’t gettin none of my blood) • But he wraps his arms loosely around you and sighs, calming himself down from the rage he felt when he'd seen you in imminent danger • Because this person protects him with everything they have in the day and damn if he wasn't going to finally return the favor • "Why sorry, Jihoon, you just saved my life, god, thank you so much," • You jump back and beam at him because nothing in your whole language can tell him how much you love him in that moment • "It's a vampire, he shouldn't have done that, I'm just sorry," • You can't stand the way Jihoon looks, ashamed and disappointed, • "Don't be stupid, it's not your fault, there are feral people in every race," (-me to haters) • Jihoon's dark eyes stare into yours for a second; you feel as if you're being weighed up, but you stare back, letting him run through whatever thought process he's going through • "You should be careful when you’re out so late, there's too many people like that," • He softens instantly, running his eyes across you, checking to see if you're still in one piece, a hand subconsciously running through your hair, and tilting your head side to side to check the veins in your neck were untouched • The cold of his hands tickle, and the sensation sends tingles down your spine but you don't say anything, just wait till he's done and hold up your bag from the shop • He sighs with a smile, he gently places his hand in between your shoulder blades, pushing forward carefully as the two of you begin walking • "Let's get you home," • Honestly after that night you're shook at how different Jihoon was • In school he's quiet and polite, keeping to himself • But damn this Jihoon almost body slammed someone and talked with utter confidence in his element (i mean have you seen his bice-nope not getting wrekt today bitches) • You loved it tbh the real boy was showing and you were his no.1 fan • You find yourself walking home together the next day, you don't live that close but his house is sort of on the way to yours so it works • And you don't want anyone to pick on him in the daylight when he's alone because some people are absolute jerks • You hold your umbrella high to cover mainly Jihoon as the sun lies in the sky; again, there's only so much incredibly strong sun cream made for vampires can do, and you know the sun still stung, so you bought along your very handy, black umbrella for protection • Jihoon smiled at you when you first brought it out, and you let it make your stomach flip • "You know, I was thinking," • His voice is quiet, soft, weaker, as it always is in the day, and you raise your eyebrows questioningly, to which he huffed at you • "I think you should give me your phone number," • Wow you legit choke • Jihoon takes the umbrella carefully from your arm so you don't have to hold it so high for him, smiling softly at you • "You're a very straightforward guy, let me tell you that," • He laughs at that as you pass him your phone • "You like to go out at night right? Like some freedom? Since you stick up for me at school, I think whenever you want to go out, call me. I'll accompany you and fight off any bad guys," • "Maybe I'll take you up on that," • You swipe your phone back after he’s texted you and pinch his cool cheek making a light blush appear • "Honestly though, please call whenever you want, I'm always awake at night because of the whole, yanno, vamp thing, and I'd like to-" • " Y/n, Jihoon!" • One of your close friends call, running across the road towards the two of you, cutting him off • You're on edge because like??? What would he like to do???? But your friend has good intentions as they join the two of you and happily chat, and you decide you'll just have to leave it a mystery • But from then on you two are honestly your own tiny squad • Jihoon becomes more open with you, more talkative at school and happier whenever you're near, sitting with his vampire friends but sometimes joining you as well • Because he's now more confident that this isn't just a one sided friendship, that he takes and you give, but he now knows he can help you as well and it lifts his non beating heart • And you're not, by nature, supposed to be a nocturnal animal but you swear you're turning into one • You always sleep as soon as you get home from school and spend your nights walking around at night with Jihoon, chatting and relishing in the silence of the darkness and the secrets the stars hold • Your secrets; you've told them how he makes your arms tingle and heart race and how you'd protect him with not only your voice, even though you know he probably doesn't need to be protected • (Ofc he does, even strong ass people need to be protected sometimes, y'all let yourself be soft) • But honestly you're so glad you snapped that day in the corridor • "Okay but what if you're totally evil after all and you're just lulling me into your lair?” • You question isn't invalid, Jihoon has your hand in his chilly one, but it's nice in the summer air, • It's pitch black, possibly 12 or 1 A.M, and Jihoon is leading you through a nearby park, you can feel shrubbery around you but you have no idea what's happening • "Do you honestly trust me so little?" • Jihoon's super speed surprises you all of the time, so when he suddenly wraps his arms around your shoulder and whispers to your ear when he was leading in front 0.28472 seconds ago you're definitely shook • He lowers his voice in an imitation to scare you but it only makes you crack up • You laugh and push forward, spinning around so he can see your face, even though you can't see him properly, only a faint white glow • You sense him sitting down, and he tugs your hand so you can join him, knees bumping together • "What can I say, I bet my blood taste great," • He chokes a laugh at that, which makes your head snap to where you know he is • "What are you laughing at? You think my blood taste bad? Are you insulting me Park Jihoon?" • Your mock offence makes him laugh again, and that sound is the only fuel you'll ever need again, you feel like you could live off it, the ring of this vampires laugh • "Quite the opposite, you don't know how tempting it is," • I mean this could make things awkward, but it's you and Jihoon, so you giggle and take it as a compliment, you know he'd never do something like that without permission • "Well maybe one day, Mr. Park, when you've fought off a gang of evil vampires and forgotten to drink your bag of animal blood for breakfast, I'll let you," • He hums at that and looks to the stars, and you take up tracing the dark veins that weave across his bare arms, wondering how it all works, how vampires work, how they live, how people live with such hate built in their hearts towards those who are different • "Why did you do it, that day? Why did you shout for me?" • You, in turn, hum at this, and send him a smile • "You obviously weren't going to, and I was sick of the meaningless hate you got," • You state your thoughts as they are, not altering them, you'd never had to alter them for your vampire friend, so why now • "You have no idea how hot that makes you," (smooth, fam) • Wow Jihoon has a talent for making you choke on your breath, because once again his straight forward words make you blush a deep ruby • It seems Jihoon wasn't going to change his thoughts for you either • "Pardon me?" • You raise your eyebrows at him with a smile, playing laid back even though you know he can hear your heartbeat speeding up • Like jeez wow you can't hide anything • "The way you didn't care; you didn't care and you still don’t. You don't care that people call you a rat, carrying a parasite, or whatever. You were brave, because you didn't like the inequality and the fact you think outside of the box and do whatever you can just to make me feel more...more included. Just how you stand for what you believe, that's pretty beautiful" • It isn't exactly poetry, and it doesn't get across how Jihoon feels to the extent he wants it to, but you understand the message, and that's all that matters honestly • "It's what you deserve, Jihoon," • His dark eyes stare at you then, closer than you remember • "You think? You think I deserve something so wonderful?" • "I know, silly, I don't only think," • He goes silent again at that, tracing patterns with his cold hands onto your palm • You can guess what he's thinking • All through his school life he's been told he was dirt and an inconvenience, an insect, (a stuck-up half witter scruffy-looking nerf-herder,) • So when someone finally tells him he's worth something? He deserves something good? • He's stumped, and you know he's trying to get his head around it • "Y/n, I'm trying not to kiss you right now," • Bitch okay he may be thinking that as well • "As long as you promise not to lose your head and try to drain me of my blood, then I think there's no reason in trying not to, if I'm being honest," • His eyes b u r n like shit that's intense okay • His spare hand, the one not constantly drawing patterns onto your arm, the same steady cold as they always had been, moves to rest on the back of your neck • It makes your hair stand up and goose-bumps to jump and run along your neck • "I can't say I can promise anything," • His voice is soft again before he presses his lips to yours, gentle as he always had been with you, and it makes your head spin wildly • Your hands jump up his spine in a dance of emotion and tangle into his dark hair • Jihoon is just lost in your warmth, the warmth of your heart and the warmth of your hands and lips • The two of you gaze at the sky later, making promises and telling truths you thought only the sky would ever know • You've never felt as if someone else could make you feel like one, whole, but with a cold hand encircling yours, your head resting on his soft stomach, no words have ever made more sense to you

[surflove808]

All things “queerbait”, “so gay”, cranky shippers, etc ad infinitum.  Here’s my long-ass essay on why I think it’s destructive to this show and fandom mentality in general.  Part 1 :D

This is going to be sooo long.  Because I am sooo fed up with the bullshit I keep seeing on here.  So, I am going to break this into 2 parts.  Part 1 deals with the show and its FICTIONAL characters.  Part 2 will deal with the actual actors involved in making this show.  I'm pissed because what could have just been supposition and discussion among fans took a wrong turn somewhere, and turned into a forum for bullying and scandalizing the actors/show.  And seeing that even when they try to have a sense of humor about it, or be ingratiating to the fans about it, it always backfires on them....and ultimately, something that should be harmless (a ship) has become a toxic force of nature.

I'm going to give my 2 cents on the most annoyingly common misconceptions that I've seen being used as more can(n)on fodder because if I post and get this reblogged enough, maybe, just maybe... more people can be exposed to a more balanced interpretation.  

My problem is not with the possibility of Dean being gay/bi. My problem is not with Dean and Cas possibly exploring a romantic relationship.  Not at all.   My problem is with the dedicated and rabid group of people that have gone over the top with their harassment on public forums regarding these characters sexuality, and linking it to the real, live human beings that portray them.  Both crossing and blurring lines in a very destructive way, on Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, you name it... This show has so many incredible themes and messages regarding friendship, love, loyalty, trust, perseverance and family and THAT'S your takeaway?   An unhealthy obsession with Dean's sexual preference??

Dean, by virtue of his looks, charisma and personality, has chemistry with almost EVERYONE.  Have you noticed??  The character of Dean is written and portrayed as a naturally charismatic, flirtatious and sensual person.  He wholeheartedly dives into anything that he enjoys.  Eating, hunting, fucking, drinking.  He doesn't seem to really appreciate boundaries or restrictions.  So, what's stopping him from exploring his sexuality with men?  

As far as I can see, the character of Dean as originally conceptualized and executed brilliantly by his frigging creator, Eric Kripke, was then, as you see him now, many things.  But also hetero. He's also accepting, scarred, goofy, resilient, co-dependent, loving, protective, the list goes on and on.  

But what he is NOT and has NEVER been written as, is gay or bi.  And if you have a problem with that, that’s not a flaw in the program you’re watching.  That’s your problem.  If he undergoes character development that radically redefines not only how he sees himself, but how the viewer sees him, after 12 years?  That's a delicate task that I don't envy the writers having to undertake, considering, the only reason they would do that so late in the game, is because they caved to pressure from the "fandom".  And I use quotation marks there because, if you want an iconic character to represent your views?  Write them yourself.  Create them.  But don't try to bully your way into another persons creation.   Here's the kicker.  Out of 264 episodes that have aired so far, and countless canon instances of Dean being hetero.... here are the handful of examples that certain people have latched onto as gospel:

1. Dean and the Siren, season 4, episode 14, Sex and Violence:  I can't tell you how many times I've seen some Jr. detective go "A-HA!  Deans siren was a MAN!  Therefore, he is GAY!"  If you use just a smidge of deductive reasoning and pay attention to the season leading up to this episode, and the description of a siren that was helpfully included in the episode, you could easily and reasonably deduce that because a siren's powers of seduction come from the ability to be ANYTHING to ANYONE and be that persons greatest desire.... that it makes sense for the siren to take the form of a cool, non-judgemental, trustworthy younger brother-type who has the same taste in and love for music that Dean has.  Someone he can relate to.  A peer.

What do you get the man who can have almost any woman that he wants?  

Not a stripper, folks.  

And what does Dean really want?  At this point, he wants a brother who trusts his experience and instincts.  A  brother that he can trust.  A brother who doesn't feel like a complete stranger.  A friend, for fucks sake.  It's not implied.  It's not a theory.  It's literally written and discussed IN THE EPISODE, people.  Move on.

2.  Dean and Gunnar Lawless, season 11, episode 15, Beyond the Mat: If you know any guys who are into sports or bands, and have never seen them go batshit fanboy over one of their sports or music heroes...then you just haven't spent enough time with them on their turf.  

3.  Deans "gay thing", season 8, episode 13, Everybody Hates Hitler: If you've never been hit on when you weren't expecting it, especially by someone you weren't expecting it from, I could see why you couldn't comprehend his behavior.  If you HAVE, you were probably flustered by it. Probably didn't react as smoothly as you thought you would, amiright?  I know I haven’t.

It seemed he was flattered, but didn't know what to do with himself.  If he were bi/gay, and attracted to the possibility of a no-strings hookup with a willing and  anonymous stranger... a blow-and-go in the mens room, for example... I think Dean could/would have easily pursued it, based on his hit rate thus far.  The one area in which he has 100% confidence and zero shame, is sexual conquests. Sam wasn't around.  There was nothing holding him back.  So, aside from being uncertain of how to extricate himself from an awkward situation, and being flustered, I got nothin’.

4.  Dean and Dr.  Sexy, season 5, episode 8, Changing Channels:  Not much to say here.  Dean clearly had a man crush on Dr. Sexy.  Would he have boned him if given the chance?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Ask a guy friend who idolizes Aaron Rogers or Eddie Vedder (for example) if he'd let them stick it in his pooper based on principle alone.  Chances are, that guy friend would probably say "Hall pass!"  If the situation actually presented itself though?  He might just gush over the guy and call it a day.  Who knows?  WE don't.

5.  Dean and Crowley: Again, ask a guy friend if he would share a room and triplets with a buddy if there were no consequences (girlfriend, things getting "weird, etc), and see what he says.  The answer may surprise you.  Maybe I just know a lot of uninhibited, sexy bastards!

6.  Dean and Benny:  Brothers in arms who go through intense combat together can and more often than not, DO form close bonds.  There was nothing in this friendship that even intimated at these two having any sexual or romantic designs on each other, yet.... people still try to make it work.  Bless their hearts.

7.  The Big One:  Dean and Cas:  Dean has had countless opportunities over the years to make a move.  And I DO believe he loves Cas, very much.  Cas clearly loves and admires Dean.  They have been through some serious shit together since day one, that neither Sam nor anyone else can compete with. But some very good advice I heard once, applies here (and this is why the 10-year crush turning into romance in rom-coms is such bullshit):  If someone likes you - you WILL know.  They will make a move.  Or you will.  And neither of you will take 10 + years to do it if there are no barriers (significant other).  And if a move is made and not reciprocated?  It's not because they or you is holding something back.  That's just a lie we tell ourselves.  SOMEONE is just not interested.  

Though I love their dynamic, I'm not a Destiel shipper, but I'm willing to go either way with this one.  I will say, I don't by any stretch of the imagination think the writers, actors or directors are 'queerbaiting", though.  That's like accusing a crush of leading you on when it was really in your head the whole time. Their chemistry is incredible.  But from what I've seen with my eyes, in the actual episodes, his relationship with Cas does not say unrequited love, sexual attraction or romance.  However, if I went by the slowed-down, out-of-context gifs that are prevalent on Tumblr, I could see where people get the idea.  And because these are two men who love, admire and respect each other and sometimes bicker like an old married couple, I suppose that makes them different than us and our best friends, somehow?  This makes me sad, because this is a unique show, in that it deeply explores mens relationships with one another (because they're human beings too), and they just can't do that without a group of immature people giggling behind their backs in the hallways because intimacy is so intimidating that it must be mitigated by making fun of it or spreading nonsensical theories about it.  Right?

Small wonder that heteronormative men, as a general rule, have so much social conditioning and shame to wade through when it comes to expressing love and care for their same-sex friends and family.  (Yes, men have problems too.  Not as many as us, by a long shot.  But this is one of them) 

You see, menfolk are expected to behave in a manfolk way, and if their behavior isn’t within the traditional and narrowly defined parameters as “hetero male”, they face the perceived stigma that accompanies “coming out”, which involves the very real fears of supposition, persecution, politicizing, backlash, gossip, undermining. etc.

This show has taken many chances.  And they’re not afraid to write for and represent LGBTQ characters.  But Chuck forbid that emotionally resonant, well-written, vulnerable and emotional male characters exist AND allow them to be straight.  Unthinkable!  And that snarky, gossipy, “tee-hee” mentality is just what enforces rigid gender roles on men and women in the 1st place.  Every post I see that giggles about Cas and Dean being gay for each other because....gifs...just throws us back 50 years.  Your words do have meaning, people.

If you want to know what you can do to pave the way for LGBTQ representation in entertainment and the world at large?  Take the small step of acknowledging that same sex characters can feel the same range of emotions that you do for your same sex friends.  Can have sustained eye contact.  Can love one another, and can tenderly care for one another without you sexualizing it, fantasizing about it and policing it.  I’m asking you to think about this, because this way of thinking affects everyone.  Gay, straight, etc. 

Season 1 Sam and Dean:  Hetero.  Sam in an LTR at beginning, Dean with potential to re-enter his relationship with Cassie.  

This show was marketed towards males in the 18-24 demographic, but curiously, more women are interested in these boys and their story.  Because they’re allowed to care without judgement.  Ahem.

 *As seasons go by...*  Clearly, judging by the polls and hate mail...neither brother can ever have or sustain a romantic relationship with a woman.  EVER again!*  And it as been widely acknowledged by the cast and producers that the fans don’t want to see the Winchesters spend too much time with what they deem as a threatening female.

Why do you think Castiel was even allowed to make it this far?  Sure, he’s an amazing character.  But if it were Anna who dragged Dean from Hell and ultimately stuck around?  Yeah, no.  That was never gonna happen.  

Basically, these fuckers can’t win.  If they’re hetero and stay hetero, that’s a bad thing.  If their characters do a 180 to please the most vocal (unfortunately) fans - then they’re caving in to pressure.

Either way, I think it's safe to say, us fans are ultimately invested (I hope) in these characters achieving happiness, wherever they find it.  And personally, I'll be happy either way.  But seeing this hyperbolic, over the top bullshit online that this crew are queerbaiting, etc...and that "If Destiel isn't made canon, I'm gonna do X,Y,Z..." is disgusting to me.  

The musings, wishful thinking and conspiracy theories are one thing.  And that's perfectly fine.  I’ve got nothin but love for fanficiton writers!  But drawing parallels and conclusions from some of the flimsiest crumbs available, and using that limited intel to cajole, threaten, bash and attempt to shame the actors, the crew, and the producers who work their asses off to bring us this amazing show, is pretty fucking shitty in my opinion.

These aren't public servants, guys.  We're not paying them to make this show.  If you want to know how a show on the CW gets funded and made - google it.  If you want to know how much of a time crunch/pressure cooker situation the writers are working in, not to mention the entire team in order to produce 23 episodes per season....again, google it.   And then tell me how they're able to not only craft compelling episodes and cram so much storyline, exposition, dialogue, character development, arc support, scheduling, casting, art direction, stunt coordination, set design, etc ad infinitum into each and every week, and STILL have time to drop easter eggs, and "queerbait"....

Just.  To.  Fuck.  With.  You.  And undermine LGBTQ efforts at representation? They are very kind and loyal to their fans.  And we DON'T OWN THEM.  If you don't like what you're seeing, don't watch.  But for fucks sake - do the fandom and yourselves a favor and direct your crusade towards ACTUAL threats to LBGTQ freedoms and rights.

Here's a list of places to lend support (to name a few): Family Equality Council Human Rights Campaign GLAD PFLAG Transgender Law Center Your local congressman, FFS

Rant over.  If you made it this far, thank you.  I owe you a fruit basket!  And feel free to engage, put me on blast if you want.  Let's have a discussion.  But if you agree with me at all, please reblog this.... just to give some folks another point of view.  

Blanket statement for those who are offended and have already called me an “asshole”, etc on their own tags:

1.  This is NOT by any stretch of the imagination an anti-shipper or anti-Destiel post.  I clearly stated that I don't have a problem with either.  And if it happened organically in the show, as opposed to under pressure?  More power to them.  And I do adore Castiel.

2.  This is NOT an anti-LGBTQ post.  Again, clearly stated throughout the post.

3.  This is NOT and never was anti-headcanon post.  We all have headcanons to some degree.   And If anyone wants to step up and tell me not to support an organization that's doing good work, just because I sunk their battleship... they can suck it.  I also belong to some of these organizations, and I'm pretty sure they're not as invested in your headcanon as you are.  And thejabberwock, I still admire your insights and posts, but am bummed that you missed the damn point of mine entirely.  Per your request, I have removed your association from the original post.

4.  This IS an anti-harassment post, directed at individuals who have taken this ship so far, that they've tainted the word and the concept for almost everyone else with their shitty, pushy behavior.  If this describes you?   I'm happy to have offended you.

5.  This IS an anti-ignorance post, directed at individuals who are presented with facts and reliable data from the writers, the actors and the episodes themselves, yet refuse to acknowledge anything out of their own headcanon.  Who insist on "knowing the truth" and using that arrogance to try to *Out* the characters, *Out* the actors and use threats and insults towards anyone who disagrees.  If you thought I was talking to you directly, after reading that?  I probably was.

6.  This IS an anti-misinformation campaign post aimed at clearing up some common misconceptions.

Lastly, reading comprehension is really crucial here.  I know it was a lot to read, I apologize for that. But if you're skimming through and picking and choosing something to be offended over, and continuing to feel personally persecuted regardless of whether or not that's the reality... rather than reading and understanding the entire message?  Well, there's nothing more I can say or do.  

[nefariouslycrafted-archive]

♡ cause you said u were bored ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Pre-Established Relationship Meme - (Accepting)

send a ♡ and i’ll fill this out for our muses !  i’ll bold what i want for their relationship,italic what i could see and strike out what i don’t .

FRIENDS.   childhood friends  /  work friends  /  family friends  /  recently friends  /  turning antagonistic  /  turning into something romantic  /  stable  /  falling apart  /  friendship of need  /  friendship of circumstance  pen - pals or internet friends  /  coworkers  /  partners  /  other .

ROMANCE.   childhood sweethearts  /  newly entered  /  soulmates  /  skinny love  /  unrequited from my muses side  /  unrequited from your muses side  /  friends with benefits  /  awkward  /  fading  /  turning  toxic  /  toxic  and  destructive  /  other .

FAMILIAL BOND.   sibling bond  /  older sibling figure to your muse  /  younger sibling figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  parental figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal  guardian  /  other .

ENEMIES.   dangerous to themselves  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  passionate  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into a sexual tension  /  developing into a romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based of misunderstandings or lies  /  other .

    I’ve been thinking and I really love the idea of doing more in the blade verse we have, and I really love the idea of them being friends and having a shoulder to lean on when the going gets tough (that good hurt/comfort amiright?). On the other hand, I’m also super interested in that thing we’ve been discussing main verse, and honestly I’d love to plot some more about it. We kinda had it mostly romantic in the past, but I’m honestly happy with any direction they end up taking. ~♥