#treating tumblr like a fucking diary sometimes lmao but
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actually on a related note: perhaps i should work on being kinder to myself, give myself the same grace i give others, blah blah
#treating tumblr like a fucking diary sometimes lmao but#oh yes i love all my friends around me i would never be tired or annoyed by them and just pretend to be their friend#and yet#of course i am annoying it is a far greater kindness for me to leave my friends alone#they don't wanna be bothered by my whole deal#why do they keep me around then? who knows!#these feelings have been deeply ingrained in me for 25 years at this point#they're gonna take a min to unravel
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Nothing like getting cornered by your step-dad and yelled at about how you're ruining his marriage to make you 10x more enthusiastic to work overtime lmao
#asc blogs at work#also to be clear#it's not my fault#all of his biological children got the fuck out of his house and limited contact with him as soon as they could if that tells you anything#also sorry to my new moots I really don't post like this often lmao#the urge to treat tumblr like a diary just gets too strong sometimes
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@deicidefull tumblr wont let me answer your ask properly, im depressed. so i will have to do it in a fucked up way
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i was going to sleep but how many chances does one get to throw 875 songs&artists at unsuspecting mutuals?
"before you do anything you need to listen to this is love by air traffic controller and think of sakurai haruka. relatively easy.
done? try listening to kodomo no shikumi by pinocchiop. okay, slowly, try thinking of momose amane. it doesn't have to make sense, this is for fun. keep your train of thought and start listening to milk crown on sonnetica now.
take a break. listen to some nanawoakari and don't think of anyone in particular.
this one's a bit difficult...listen to carnivorous plant. get up and walk around a bit. sit back down and listen to it again, but think of kusunoki muu this time.
that was tiring, take another break. listen to some frederic. again, you don't need to think of anyone in particular.
try thinking of sakurai haruka again. then, listen to kotoba no obake ga mado kara miteiru by frog69. watch the mv, too. this is important.
if you still need more rest, listen to some flowerface. alternatively, if you can handle it, listen to i'd like to die at about 40 years old by aoya and think about kashiki yuno. you can keep listening to aoya even if you don't think about her. you can even listen to jan and think about sakurai haruka. it's your life.
okay now you're finally ready... listen to killer spider by pinocchiop. think of kusunoki muu. do it again. do it again. do it again. do it again. do it again. do it aga (im so normal about spider muu im so normal)
you're done!! for a treat, listen to some yorushika or yoasobi, whichever you have at home!
remember you're the one who asked for song recs...okay...sorry...goodnight snork mimizzzz"
youre starting off soooo fucking gooooddddd GODDDDDD,, i love air traffic controller. and im gonna be honest it's hard not to think of hamnet from the underland chronicles,,, but hamnet is a haruka-type anyway so i got over it LMAO. YOUR MIND IS SO BEAUTIFUL FOR THIS ONE DO YOU MIND IF I THROW IT ON MY HARUKA PLAYLIST?
this is a very good amane song i like where youre going with this. lets check out the next song! .... "The innocent emotions, so much that I clean and dispose of them. For what grounds does "pure" and "impure" become the labels I brandish?" ... you would willingly hurt me like this
i ended up listening to this one. i think its cute & im definitely interested in hearing more!
im assuming you mean this one, in which case,, WOW,,, THIS IS A REALLY FUCKING GOOD SONG,, the "i hate you" being "i wish all you had was mine"???? SCREAMS INTO A PILLOW. ok. im normal
i ended up listening to oddloop and IM OBSESSED. THEIR SOUND IS SO FUN? i saved a few of their songs to my spotify likes to listen to later and im so excited. the lead singer has such a fun voice. AHHHH (also i know you said not to think of anyone, but oddloop is a shidou song to me now)
THIS SONG IS REALLY GOOD. and the mv is so simple, so effective. very haruka. at this point i am going to run off and take a shower (also, i have watched the mvs for all of these :3 very good stuff)
ok i am back i am fresh, im sparkling. kurari kurari. i ended up picking baby teeth to listen to, and im a fan, though very sad now. i might have to gather some similar songs i have in my spotify to send back to you sometime. hm. had a hard time finding the aoya song so heres a link to it for others. very sad, very yuno i agree. i also couldnt figure out where to find songs by jan, so i ended up listening to the diary of jane instead which is absolutely not what you told me to do (if you could send me some jan songs though, id love that)
VERY GOOD SONG. i can totally see it for muu. unfortunately, my brain immediately pushed it onto shidou (i dont think thats sinful,, theyre technically partner prisoners,, 0405,,) but to make up for this grievance ill share the lines that make me go "OH YEAH, MUU" .. "Because you're really no good, Because you can't do anything without me, I'll bite you softly, poison you a tiny bit, And teach you a lesson" "And put a leash on you. Is this him? Or is that him?" "While kissing the corpse, your instinct searches for the next prey."
ive heard yoasobi before, so ill give yorushika a try! ... only to realize that ive listened to this song once before! and then to go hm,, that artstyle ive seen once more in the past,, and i know this one too!
goodnight (or now i suppose, welcome to a new day ahahaha) thank you for sharing your music with me!
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get to know me tag!
so, i came to catfish you all with my updated simself, also i made her with alpha cc bc why not?
I saw @galaxsims did this and i thought it might be fun, so the point of this is to make a simself and answer some q’s so people get to know you better
I’m going to tag anyone who wants to do this, Just go crazy
- trash under cut -
1. What is your full name? Constanza
2. What is your nickname? most people call me coti, i had a few friends that called me constance tho
3. Birthday? July 1, 2000
4. What is your favorite book series? i dont read as much as i used to so i dont have one
5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? aliens yes, ghosts...maybe? just for the spookines of it all tbh
6. Who is your favorite author? i dont read dont come for me
7. What is your favorite radio station? i never listen to the radio, mostly spotify
8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? anything cheese flavored, or like pizza? idk im thinkin chips here
9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? amazing, cool!
10. What is your current favorite song? literally queens entire discography??? like i saw bohemian rhapsody last week, i liked queen before but now im like on hyperdrive or something
11. What is your favorite word? chaos
12. What was the last song you listened to? Somebody to love, by (you guessed it) queen
13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? hmm... i dont know, skam, maybe freaks and geeks
14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? pride (2014) always makes me feel happy when i watch it, i really like it
15. Do you play video games? yes
16. What is your biggest fear? Ending up alone, but not romantically, more of like no friends, or family
17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? i dont know... i just try to be a good person?? like i put myself in others peoples shoes and treat them how i would like to be treated i guess, bc i know how its like being treated like shit and i wouldnt want that for anyone lol
18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? my socializing skills? or lack thereof
19. Do you like cats or dogs better? i like them both the same
20. What is your favorite season? i dont like any season sjdjsdk
21. Are you in a relationship? nope
22. What is something you miss from your childhood? just.. happiness?? not only my own but like everyone in my family (yikes) also my innocence
23. Who is your best friend? haha ha
24. What is your eye color? brown
25. What is your hair color? Dark brown
26. Who is someone you love? no one honestly, maybe my pets?
27. Who is someone you trust? literally anyone who is nice to me, that’s bad
28. Who is someone you think about often? my friends, classmates
29. Are you currently excited about/for something? nothing currently
30. What is your biggest obsession? The sims, life is strange and detroit become human.....also queen?, weird combinations
31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Art attack! also the cocodrile hunter??? that was my shit!!
32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? I know i just said i trust everyone but like....i dont open up, like ever
33. Are you superstitious? No
34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Elevators?? and cars...are those phobias?
35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind
36. What is your favorite hobby? Editing, playin sims... u know
37. What was the last book you read? I cant remember fghjkljhg probably something for school
38. What was the last movie you watched? Bohemian rhapsody rip
39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? i wish i could play any musical instrument, but i suck tbh
40. What is your favorite animal? cats and dogs™
41. What are your top 5 7 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow?
@pollinationqueen @cosmic-espie @omiscanking @bloomlet @gunthermunch @cowberrys and @mellocakes ♥♥
42. What superpower do you wish you had? telekinesis??? um hell yeah why would anyone want anything else
43. When and where do you feel most at peace? this is weird but when im riding the bus home, listening to music
44. What makes you smile? my simblr, youtube videos...
45. What sports do you play, if any? i wish
46. What is your favorite drink? coca cola beech!
47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? I dont even remember, but i had to write something like that around this year at least
48. Are you afraid of heights? yes
49. What is your biggest pet peeve? it used to be hearing people chew, but i think im over it
50. Have you ever been to a concert? no, never
51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? No
52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? a vet
53. What fictional world would you like to live in? idk sis
54. What is something you worry about? my future, and my life
55. Are you scared of the dark? sometimes
56. Do you like to sing? yes, only when im alone
57. Have you ever skipped school? yeah, but i tried not to, it felt like i was missing out and that kinda made me feel like shit??
58. What is your favorite place on the planet? i dont think i have one, but more like a bunch of them? and only at specific times if that make sense, like the outside of that theater at nightime when i went to see a play with my friends a while ago
59. Where would you like to live? mmm maybe the usa? or anywhere where i could get to speak english all the time
60. Do you have any pets? a cat and a dog, Mercury and Candy!
61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl, def
62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets, im never up for sunrises anyways, unless i stayed up all night
63. Do you know how to drive? no but i hope that i do at some point, although im scared of cars
64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones
65. Have you ever had braces? nope, my teeth are as straight as me
66. What is your favorite genre of music? rock, indie...maybe pop rock?
67. Who is your hero? i dont have one
68. Do you read comic books? not really
69. What makes you the most angry? myself sometimes
70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Real book all the way, when i do read that is
71. What was your favorite subject in school? cinematography class???? idk how it translates properly but that was my fave, although the teacher fucking ruined it for all of us tbh
72. Do you have any siblings? nope
73. What was the last thing you bought? a bus ticket
74. How tall are you? 4′9...yikes
75. Can you cook? not at all
76. What are three things that you love? this blog, my family and my pets
77. What are three things that you hate? hooo boy
78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? i have 0 friends what does that mean? jk i actually would say its pretty equal
79. What is your sexual orientation? yes
80. Where do you currently live? Uruguay, montevideo
81. Who was the last person you texted? my dad
82. When was the last time you cried? last week
83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? jenna and julien, and probably every sims youtuber(seriously)
84. Do you like to take selfies? not so much
85. What is your favorite app? tumblr, or youtube
86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? its alright
87. What is your favorite foreign accent? portugeese
88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? mmm all of them
89. What is your favorite number? 7
90. Can you juggle? Nop
91. Are you religious? no
92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? The ocean
93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? hahah no
94. Are you allergic to anything? i used to be allergic to a bunch of shit when i was a kid but im not allergic to it anymore?? like chocolate, oranges....cats, and dust
95. Can you curl your tongue? Yes
96. Can you wiggle your ears? Yes
97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? always hopefully
98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Forest
99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? i dont really ask for advice that often so...idk
100. Are you a good liar? No, but i try
101. What is your Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff
102. Do you talk to yourself? i used to talk to myself all the time, but now i barely do it, thats a good thing right?
103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert
104. Do you keep a journal/diary? no, i used to when i was a kid but it was pure garbage
105. Do you believe in second chances? Depends
106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? look for an id to see if i cant turn it in, if not....well
107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Yes, but only in certain things
108. Are you ticklish? i dont even know, probably not
109. Have you ever been on a plane? no
110. Do you have any piercings? yeah, my ears
111. What fictional character do you wish was real? idk
112. Do you have any tattoos? No, but hopefully i will some day!
113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? i dont know....
114. Do you believe in karma? yeah
115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? no
116. Do you want children? yeah why not
117. Who is the smartest person you know? honestly i don’t know
118. What is your most embarrassing memory? doing a cindirella theatre play for my school when i was 12, i was cindirella, i dont wanna talk about it njxkcfxf
119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? not that i remember, i always end up falling asleep, dosent matter if its like 10 minutes
120. What color are most of you clothes? green.........i dont even like green
121. Do you like adventures? yeah maybe, depends on what it is
122. Have you ever been on TV? yeah i have actually lmao, it was on a kids tv show
123. How old are you? 18
124. What is your favorite quote? “We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents”
125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory!!
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GET TO KNOW ME!
1: My name? Jess, but most online people call me Jet
2: Do I have any nicknames? I have loads of nicknames and I pretty much answer to slurred words too lmao
3: Zodiac sign? Taurus
4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? Overwatch
5: Book/series I reread? Junjou romantica and a few others
6: Aliens or ghosts? I like both... but I guess aliens
7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? @yakulev-trash
8: Favourite radio station? don't have one... oh wait... maybe kerrang
9: Favourite flavour of anything? toffee
10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? sick
11: Favourite song? worst question to ever be asked... fuck knows fam
12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? got any kinks? lmao
13: Favourite word? yaaaars
14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? my ex and no I do not
15: Last song I listened to? post Malone better now
16: TV show I always recommend? the big bang theory or anything Michael McIntyre
17: Pirates or ninjas? ninjas
18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? I don't really watch a lot of films to be honest
19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? at the moment BTS- idol ft minaj
20: Favourite video games? overwatch, rayman, bloodbourne
21: What am I most afraid of? losing my son
22: A good quality of mine? non judgemental
23: A bad quality of mine? quick to assume
24: Cats or dogs? dogs
25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? Jason stathem
26: Favourite season? winter
27: Am I in a relationship? no im happily single
28: Something I miss? lay ins
29: My best friend? Jody and wife
30: Eye colour? blue
31: Hair colour? at the moment its half purple half red
32: Someone I love? Yaku! my omega :D
33: Someone I trust? my mum
34: Someone I always think about? my son
35: Am I excited about anything? Haikyuu season 4
36: My current obsession? Reinhardt x Lucio smut
37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Sailor moon and digimon
38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? yeah, my gay American friend Jacob
39: Am I superstitious? nahhhh
40: What do I think about most? getting all my shit sorted
41: Do I have any strange phobias? ……. nunu from teletubies and wind turbines
42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it
43: Favourite hobbies? writing, gaming, painting, drawing
44: Last book I read? deviations submissions
45: Last film I watched? 47 ronin
46: Do I play any instruments? I used to play the violin and guitar. but don't anymore, although I do want to learn piano
47: Favourite animal? leopard
48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? bun that
49: Superpower I wish I could have? telekinesis
50: How do I destress? vape
51: Do I like confrontation? mate I love that shit
52: When do I feel most at peace? when im cuddling my son
53: What makes me smile? a few things... okay a lot of things but too many things to name
54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? off, what made man sleeps with them on?!?!
55: Play any sports? pfffffft
56: What is my song of the week? why is there so many song questions
57: Favourite drink? milk
58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? ………… hand...…. written...…. letter?
59: Afraid of heights? nope
60: Pet peeve? chewing gum loudly
61: What was the last concert I went to see? reading festival and I only went to see metallica lol
62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? no
63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? red arrow pilot
64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? yeah
65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Haikyuu… and I would be such a slut lol
66: Something I worry about? all the legal stuff im going through right now
67: Scared of the dark? embrace the dark
68: Who are my best friends? what... like you want me to name them all?????
69: What do I admire most about others? honesty. if a person is honest with me all the way through then I will really appreciate them
70: Can I sing? don't think so
71: Something I wish I could do? dance and play the piano
72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? treat my mum and dad to what ever they wanted and the fly over to Hawaii and be with my omega and then move to Japan
73: Have I ever skipped school? no kids don't skip school!
74: Favourite place on the planet? Tokyo
75: Where do I want to live? Tokyo
76: Do I have any pets? nope
77: What is my current desktop picture? Kuroo and Tsukki in suits sat on a sofa
78: Early bird or night owl? night owl
79: Sunsets or sunrise? sunsets
80: Can I drive? legally no
81: Story behind my last kiss? goodbye lmao
82: Earphones or headphones? headphones
83: Have I ever had braces? yes for 2 years then I didn't wear my retainer and they moved back lmao
84: Story behind one of my scars? I have a scar at the top of my finger where I caught it in the part of the door where it locks and I was on skates and slipped and chopped my finger off. I went running to my mum and she put the tip back on and rushed me to hospital lmao
85: Favourite genre of music? metal
86: Who is my hero? my mum
87: Favourite comic book character? do overwatch comics count? if so then Genji
88: What makes me really angry? having to repeat myself
89: Kindle or real book? real book
90: Favourite sporty activity? *throws up*
91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? sorting out bullies
92: What was my favourite subject at school?
93: Siblings? yes 3... 2 sisters and 1 brother
94: What was the last thing I bought? bread
95: How tall am I? 5″8
96: Can I cook? yes I can
97: Can I bake? indeed
98: 3 things I love? anime, Tsukki, and petals
99: 3 things I hate? slow updates, not getting haikyuu season 4 and my ex lmao
100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? boy friends
101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? usually boys
102: Where was I born? Hastings UK
103: Sexual orientation? pansexual
104: Where do I currently live? Hastings
105: Last person I texted? my mum
106: Last time I cried? I couple of weeks ago
107: Guilty pleasure? im not guilty about any of my pleasures ;)
108: Favourite Youtuber? the anime man
109: A photo of myself. nope
110: Do I like selfies? if im the one taking it
111: Favourite game app? summoners war
112: My relationship with my parents? really good with mum and a bit rocky with dad
113: Favourite accents? Australian
114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? Hawaii to visit my omega
115: Favourite number? 7
116: Can I juggle? not a chance
117: Am I religious? science
118: Do I like space? yes
119: Do I like the deep ocean? nooooooo
120: Am I much of a daredevil? yeah, stupidly sometimes ahahaha
121: Am I allergic to anything? peanuts
122: Can I curl my tongue? yeah I can ;)
123: Can I wiggle my ears? yeeeeeee
124: Do I like clowns? I don't hate clowns?
125: The Beatles or Elvis? the beatles
126: My current project? wildest dreams
127: Am I a bad loser? sometimes
128: Do I admit when I wrong? yes I do
129: Forest or beach? forest
130: Favourite piece of advice? “each day is a gift and not a given right”
131: Am I a good liar? I am really!!! shit at lying. I twitch and stutter, its not pretty.
132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Hogwarts house- Slytherin
133: Do I talk to myself? sometimes
134: Am I very social? I can be
135: Do I like gossip? its like asking if I like to breath
136: Do I keep a journal/diary? nahhhhh
137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? I failed a few tests
138: Do I believe in second chances? yeah
139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? find the ID and return it
140: Do I believe people are capable of change? no
141: Have I ever been underweight? nahhhhhh
142: Am I ticklish? yes, very...its embarrassing
143: Have I ever been in a submarine? I have but it wasn't going under water lol
144: Have I ever been on a plane? indeed I have
145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? rebel Wilson to be me, Melissa McCarthy to be my mum lol
146: Have I ever been overweight? yeah still am a thic bit ahaha
147: Do I have any piercings? yes I have 10
148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Tsukki or Kuroo maybe even Yamaguchi for best friend material or Tanaka for banta
149: Do I have any tattoos? yes I have 4
150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? to break up with my ex lmao
151: Do I believe in Karma? 100%
152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? no I have perfect vision
153: What was my first car? n/a
154: Do I want children? if I didn't then I would be pretty fucked now ahaha
155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? I did have a friend called Aaron and he was very very very very smart
156: My most embarrassing memory? I don't get embarrassed
157: What makes me nostalgic? the smell of clay
158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yes many times
159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains
160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? black lmao!!
161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? yeah loads lol
162: What do I hate most about myself? my weight
163: What do I love most about myself? ugh.... my humour lol
164: Do I like adventure? hell yeah!
165: Do I believe in fate? yes I do
166: Favourite animal? …. wasn't this already asked? well in case you forgot! leopard
167: Have I ever been on radio? nope
168: Have I ever been on TV? yes I have hehehehe
169: How old am I? 25
170: One of my favourite quotes? because we don't have wings we look for ways to fly
171: Do I hold grudges? a few
172: Do I trust easily? no I really don't
173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? yeah, its important to always learn from your mistakes
174: Best gift I’ve ever received? a child
175: Do I dream? I dream big fam
176: Have I ever had a night terror? yeah and its fucking horrible and wouldn't wish it upon anyone!!
177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? I do remember most of my dreams. one that comes to mind was a very very smutty one between a haikyuu pairing but I wont say it because ill be adding it to wildest dreams hehehehehe
178: An experience that has made me stronger? a break up from a long term relationship has made me grow as a person
179: If I were immortal, what would I do? try and become what ive always wanted to
180: Do I like shopping? I love shopping but only if I know what im going for or if I have money to spend
181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? murder
182: What does “family” mean to me? it means home
183: What is my spirit animal? a leopard or a bunny lol
184: How do I want to be remembered? I want to be remembered for having a sense of humour and for being very accepting
185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? dancing
186: What is my greatest failure? not passing some gcse’s
187: What is my greatest achievement? becoming a mum
188: Love or money? love
189: Love or career? career
190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? to the future about 5 years
191: What makes me the happiest? when my son is laughing and when I talk to the people I love
192: What is “home” to me? home is where the heart is
193: What motivates me? ive had to be my own motivator most of my life
194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? just lost the game
195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? yeah but the seem to only kid nap dumb arses
196: A movie that scared me as a child? robo cop lmao
197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? toad in the hole
198: Zombies or vampires? vampires
199: Live in the city or suburbs? city
200: Dragons or wizards? dragons
201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? dunno
202: How do I define love? it cant be defined by another person, each person has to figure out there own type of love and for what reason and if it matters to them then no one else can judge
203: Do I judge a book by its cover? hell no I don't! I love people for who they are as a person not there appearance
204: Have I ever had my heart broken? yes of course
205: Do I like my handwriting? nahhhh my hand writing is horrible
206: Sweet or savoury? savoury
207: Worst job I’ve had? caravan park... cleaning them ><
208: Do I collect anything? anime stuff!!! :D
209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? shoes lmao!
210: What is on my bucket list? to move to Japan, to learn Japanese, to become an author, to learn an instrument.... the list goes on
211: How do I handle anger? not very well ahahahaha
212: Was I named after anyone? no I wasn't
213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? pfffft me? would I ever? of course not! *looks to the corner*
214: What TV character am I most like? ermmmmmmmmmmmm I would say a mix between Rosa from Brooklyn nine nine and Michael McIntyre
215: What is the weirdest talent I have? erm… I can twitch my nose and move my ears at the same time without touching them
216: Favourite fictional character? Tsukki
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Just gotta vent again for a hot second (or two)
I feel like I’m treating my tumblr like a diary now lol. After posting that long rant yesterday, I reflected a lot about what I said in it and I felt kind of petty... My life wasn’t that bad honestly and I had a lot of great opportunities!! I feel very fortunate to be where I am now and everything that happened in life brought me to this moment. I felt bad for trashing so much in my last post, so I thought that since my exams were over, I should reflect on my words a little better. I’m sorry for filling feeds with this shit, but please understand that I’m trying this out to cope with my stress :(
An old friend from high school reached out to me and that kind of slapped me out of my dark place. I realize now that I had not really moved on from my past self as much as I thought. I feel like I blamed too many people for my insecurities and I forgot to appreciate the people who I should have focused my energy on: the ones who pulled me out during the weekends when I felt really down, the ones who helped me with assignments at ridiculously late hours, the ones who reminded me to look past my face and the way I dressed, etc...
My mother called recently and that call stressed me out a lot. I was always bitter about not having a rich, emotionally supportive, and westernized family. My parents constantly threatened to divorce. My mother often told me that if I wasn’t obedient, she would send me to an orphanage or lock me in the basement to starve. My father was very verbally and physically abusive. He threw things and cursed at everyone in my family if he was upset about anything. (He was also a full-blown racist toward everyone who breathed on this earth) Both my parents constantly reminded me I wasn’t worth shit without them and that I should have never been born. I really wanted to talk to someone about this when it affected me greatly as a teenager, but people wouldn’t hesitate to tell me that I should be thankful for my privilege of having a smartphone and computer, getting into a decent college, and having good grades. Poor people aren’t supposed to have nice things and take up opportunities right? It still hurts to think about it, but I’m not self-destructive over my parents’ “criticisms” anymore. Their insults don’t cut deep anymore and I’ve learned that I’m more than their threats and abuses. It still stresses me out to go home because they also had two more kids (what’s birth control lol) and I’m a free babysitter/housekeeper. But Turtle, you’re an adult now!! They can’t tell you what to do anymore!!! ayy lmao first of all please check yourself and secondly I don’t want to bother explaining myself if that’s how it’s going to be so just accept this is all I can handle in life right now ok?
On a more positive note, I’m still working on that self-worth part!! I’m trying to appreciate the little victories in life, like I was feeling really down last week, but decided to get out of bed and get my eyebrows done and wow. I hate going outside especially by myself, but new eyebrows make a new person honestly. Best decision of the month tbh. I was also feeling like crap for spending more than usual, so I was glad that my supervisor let me take more work hours. Also so proud of myself for saving up enough for a new phone on top of my other expenses!!! My mentor in my new lab has also been so good to me by giving me days off during my exam week. I have to start job hunting soon, and I’m worried that I’m not very impressive to hire. My boyfriend often reminds me that my resume is built like a steel hammer though so let’s hope!!!
I was hoping for a more positive post for myself, but I guess that part about my parents wasn’t so gr8 lol. I guess writing these posts just helps take these bad thoughts off my mind and into something else so it feels like they have been lifted off my shoulders. I’m still an angry little bitch sometimes. Still awkward af too lol. I’ve recently noticed that when I talk to people I’m uncomfortably being around, I start acting awkwardly nervous and say stupid shit like “Oh I talk to my Google assistant when I’m lonely.” No shit I’m not actually that desperate but I’m trying to seem interesting... I’m trying ; - ; Anyway moral of this story... good people are out there! It might take years but it’ll be so worth it when you find them... Actually fuck that; the moral of this story is to go out and get your eyebrows done because it’ll hurt for like 2 mins but then you feel like a tru goddess and your fine af eyebrow raises will let people know they can’t hurt you no mo.
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get to know me meme!
..... a mutual did this and said people feeling up for it should do it so....
i’m not tagging anyone but feel free to do these
1. What is your full name? Rene
2. What is your nickname? Rellu, Rensku
3. What is your zodiac sign? Virgo
4. What is your favorite book series? uhhh ASOIAF maybe
5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? i like the idea of residual energy... and ofc there’s other lifeforms floating in the endless space
6. Who is your favorite author? ME MYSELF i’m honestly not sure, there’s no-one whose all works like to the same degree
7. What is your favorite radio station? ... rock/heavy metal station
8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? mmm choco? or like this salsa/cheese combo. also cola.
9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? excellent, gorgeous, fucking perfect
10. What is your current favorite song? this one
11. What is your favorite word? i don’t... have one. maybe しまう?
12. What was the last song you listened to? this one
13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? in the flesh, mushishi
14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i don’t like movies that much? ... one piece movies
15. Do you play video games? yes occasionally
16. What is your biggest fear? death, heights
17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? insight/confidence combo?
18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? arrogance... small-mindedness, as in not being able to throw myself as deep into stuff as i feel like i should....
19. Do you like cats or dogs better? cats
20. What is your favorite season? winter or late fall
21. Are you in a relationship? mmmm when aren’t you in relationships?? but yea i’m in several relationships as this question seems to be angling for...
22. What is something you miss from your childhood? structure and relatively low pressure
23. Who is your best friend? poronen and also revy my dearie. there’s a couple more conventional/old past besties too that i still hold close to my heart.
24. What is your eye color? dark-ish gray-green-blue
25. What is your hair color? dirty blonde, dyed red
26. Who is someone you love? my friends my family my datemates... myself...
27. Who is someone you trust? i trust p much everyone until proven wrong
28. Who is someone you think about often? bisexualwinry and poronen again lmao, also... uhhh whichever characters i’m obsessed most recently
29. Are you currently excited about/for something? next installations of friends’ fics, my own fic chapter lmao, a homewarming party of an ex i’m friends with...
30. What is your biggest obsession? currently a couple vocaloid producers and mp100. long term.... ffvii and vampires.
31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? pokemon and moomins
32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? fuck your idea of there being an opposite!! i don’t have an opposite!! i can tell my dearest friends anything, regardless of gender or lack of it!!!!
33. Are you superstitious? not really, tho i like some of the practices
34. Do you have any unusual phobias? no
35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? front~
36. What is your favorite hobby? writing, drawing, weightlifting
37. What was the last book you read? i’m not sure but i’m going to say villon’s testament
38. What was the last movie you watched? uhhhh maybe ghost in the shell? the first one.
39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? tiny bit of guitar
40. What is your favorite animal? cats
41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? i can’t really say, i like following my friends (you know who you are i’ve msg you all basically)
42. What superpower do you wish you had? i always answer these the same way: absolute shapeshifting.
43. When and where do you feel most at peace? in my own room around midnight OR with good friends anywhere
44. What makes you smile? anything exciting, really
45. What sports do you play, if any? uhhhh i did medieval swordfighting for a while but nowadays i dream of getting back to lifting and running
46. What is your favorite drink? water, coke, all coffee drinks, wine
47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? probs within a week, we communicate between flatmates with these lil post-it notes
48. Are you afraid of heights? yes holy shit so bad
49. What is your biggest pet peeve? when people are allergic to fun/are contrarians
50. Have you ever been to a concert? yuppp a couple times
51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? yes
52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? an author, but before that a paleontologist, and before that a circus princess
53. What fictional world would you like to live in? eugh idk almost none of them??? somewhere where it’s p idyllic
54. What is something you worry about? planet dying, economy crashing, getting back to my own two feet after this horrible mental crash i’ve been going through all spring...
55. Are you scared of the dark? a lil bit, puts me on edge
56. Do you like to sing? hell yea!!
57. Have you ever skipped school? so many times
58. What is your favorite place on the planet? my parent’s house, this one street in kyoto...
59. Where would you like to live? honestly? in the center of the city i’m living in now, or the capital... ... or kyoto or tokyo...
60. Do you have any pets? no, flatmate has cats tho
61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl but a fairly balanced one
62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? either is good
63. Do you know how to drive? yes
64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones!! but i use buds more, more practical.
65. Have you ever had braces? yes.
66. What is your favorite genre of music? metal. like the sorta frilly vampiric neoclassical metal tons of jrock bands do?? but i like a huge variety of genres.
67. Who is your hero? gotta be my own hero
68. Do you read comic books? rarely, if we don’t count manga
69. What makes you the most angry? petty pointless shit
70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? on my phone
71. What is your favorite subject in school? languages/literature
72. Do you have any siblings? four of them, two big sisters and two lil brothers
73. What was the last thing you bought? .... some food? uhhh boxers?
74. How tall are you? 168 cm ish
75. Can you cook? yes
76. What are three things that you love? storytelling, good food, good laughs
77. What are three things that you hate? generic bad injustice shit in the world, people who make fun of others for things they like, lmao my current writer’s block towards my main fic ahahaha ;;;
78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? seriously fuck these questions? most of my friends are nb
79. What is your sexual orientation? queer and complicated
80. Where do you currently live? Turku
81. Who was the last person you texted? a friend
82. When was the last time you cried? i have no clue, i don’t cry often
83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? everyone who subs vocaloid stuff
84. Do you like to take selfies? yessss
85. What is your favorite app? just my JED fhgadhadh
86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? a bit distant (due to physical distance) but warm and friendly and supportive
87. What is your favorite foreign accent? .... this seems strange but uh. no specific preference? throaty languages, french and arabic and russian come to mind...
88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? TOKYO ive been to japan twice and lived there for a while but never managed to visit tokyo
89. What is your favorite number? 11
90. Can you juggle? a lil bit?
91. Are you religious? anti-religion more like ahaha
92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? both, both is good
93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? not really but then again i do tend to take things as challenges...
94. Are you allergic to anything? this one is a weird one. there’s a chemical that does cause some sorta reaction? it’s in some cardboard boxes and used in treating hemp rope.....
95. Can you curl your tongue? yes
96. Can you wiggle your ears? yes
97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? anytime i can’t wiggle out of it like “oh true yes that’s what i meant i was almost correct the first time” lmao
98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? ... forest
99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? it’s okay to half-ass things, it’s better than not doing anything
100. Are you a good liar? i think so
101. What is your Hogwarts House? gryffindor not slytherin shut upppp
102. Do you talk to yourself? sometimes
103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? ambivert? sorta more extrovert
104. Do you keep a journal/diary? nahh not really
105. Do you believe in second chances? yes
106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? if there was no-one nearby who could have obviously dropped it... or who could see... i would pocket any cash and take the wallet itself to lost and found.
107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yea.
108. Are you ticklish? no
109. Have you ever been on a plane? yes, several times
110. Do you have any piercings? fourteen and planning to get more
111. What fictional character do you wish was real? not really anyone...
112. Do you have any tattoos? yup a big fat nb koi on my left calf
113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? going ahead with transitioning
114. Do you believe in karma? no
115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses! really strong ones too lmao
116. Do you want children? no. wouldn’t mind co-parenting someone else’s kids if that sorta person wandered in my life tho.
117. Who is the smartest person you know? well myself of course - no but really ahh vrow has me beat in my category of intelligence.
118. What is your most embarrassing memory? i sorta picked on a kid for no reason in elementary school. it was a singular incident and i apologized a year later.
119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yessss currently doing one
120. What color are most of you clothes? black
121. Do you like adventures? yea to a degree?
122. Have you ever been on TV? nope
123. How old are you? 24
124. What is your favorite quote? hhhh i don’t have all-time faves but currently just. “Just stay by my side, it doesn’t matter even if it’s a lie.”
125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? just give me all the food
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okay
I’m not gonna lie this post will be whiney but I am in the process of trying to convince myself to do things and stuff. Like homework. I did an extravert burnout this weekend. All i did was hole up in my room and appreciate dangan ronpa. I may have literally spend twentry four hours reading fanfiction the past three days. I read dangan ronpa IF to completion and got dead emotionally. (It was really good btw. The loose ends made me kind of sad though). Rather than processing my emotions like an adult I decided to suck myself even deeper into the pit of fanfiction. I keep telling myself im reading good fic but all i’ve been reading is shippy crap so that’s not very likely. To change things up after never having left my room I decided to write fanfiction. I am happy that I did bc I don’t always have motivation to write and today I feel like I made a lot of progress but all of that writing (*drum roll please*) made me even MORE emotionally drained. So now I’m like fucked. The only actually enjoyable social thing I did this weekend was have the world’s shitty long island ice tea. That’s my favorite drink and I couldn’t even finish it bc it was so bad. It only took me like an hour to do that and then I locked myself inside away from all possible social interaction AGAIN. Why am I like this? I was gonna work out but my body has kind of given up on the concept of physical activity for the day so that’s not gonna happen either. I want to keep writing and reading but I’m also tired of my own shit. Also my romance drive has been really fucking high all week (spring libido boost is a bitch lmao) for no goddamn reason and honestly I don’t know what I even did to deserve this. I was happy the way I was. Now I feel like im forgetting what having actual priorities feels like. I don’t actually feel bad but my brain is still a fucking mess and for some reason I think tumblr needs to know about this. Idk i treat tumblr like a diary sometimes and for once im using it to complain about stuff that actually isn’t liable to give most of my followers and anxiety attack . But anyways, fml and basically I’m so boring i might have to drop out of society tomorrow.
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