#truly this is one of the funniest asks I've ever received

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Me, the Devil on your shoulder : you wanna write Xedgin so so much you can do it everyone else has hubris but not you you can do it you wanna make the blorbos kiss very very bad you're so good at it cmon cmon cmon prioritizing fictional characters is good actually sleep is for the weak they want you to make them fuck nasty pls pls pls it's me fanfic writer the Devil speaking to you inside your brain

Anon I am HOWLING with laughter my ribs hurt psst boy it's me the PS5 speaking to you from inside your brain LMFAO

The good news is that I am very, very close to finishing my two novel revisions! Once I do that, I am allowed to work on fanfic again (according to my own rules that I set for myself) and Xedgin is my first priority. I watched the movie again a few days ago and was foaming at the mouth over them because I'm an easy slut for their dynamic.

Thank you, truly, for making me laugh and for your kind additional ask - I do appreciate it. I adore writing fanfic and the fanfic community but an eldritch being's gotta eat and if I want to make a proper career of my writing I do need to focus on my novels for a bit, and I appreciate the patience and understanding. It means the world.

[radiant-reid]

okay but dad!spencer taking paternity leave?! would that not be the cutest thing in the world?

the absolute cutest, i've got to expand

"I'm home!" You call out when you come through the front door, placing your bag on the side table and taking your shoes off.

Spencer comes down the hallway to meet you in the foyer, wrapping you in a hug. "Hi, honey. Missed you."

You grin before pulling back to quickly kiss him. "Missed you too, baby. And there's the actual baby." You coo, looking down the hallway at where she's making a fast crawl down across the hardwood floor.

She must have recognized your voice, probably sensed the excited tone in Spencer's voice, and came crawling.

You kneel down, reaching out for her. "My sweet girl, come here."

She crawls to you, using your legs to stabilize herself while she stands up. "Momma, up!"

"Maisie!" You cheer back, swooping her up into your arms. "You've been good for Daddy today?"

"You're always good for Daddy, aren't you?" Spencer says as he takes her little baby fingers and pretends to bite them. It makes her giggle in your arms at his playfulness. "You wanna show Momma our new trick?" He asks her, sounding more eager himself.

You love getting to see their new tricks, even if they're just Spencer pretending to chew at her fingers. "Okay, let's go."

"It needs extra equipment." He tells you, hyping it up with recognizable joy like whatever it is, is the most amazing thing in the world.

Maisie must realize what Spencer's rambling about because she starts babbling as you enter the living room. You notice the blocks on the floor, arranged in a tower that there's no way she could touch the top of.

"Come here, baby." He says, reaching out for Maisie. You hand her over, patiently waiting for their trick. He supports her with one hand on her stomach and the other on her legs like she's having tummy time. She appears to know her role in their rehearsed trick and holds out her arms in front of her with a mischievous look in her eyes.

Spencer pushes her forward and she puts all her force into knocking the tower over, blocks scattering over the rug.

Her laughter is instantaneous and so wild you'd believe it was the funniest thing in the world to her, and it's too contagious a sound for you not to also laugh. Spencer's laughing with you, clearly proud for inspiring such joy in her.

"That was amazing!" You say, clapping at her. "The best trick I've ever seen."

Spencer pulls her back upright, kissing her cheek to celebrate their victory. "I agree. That laugh is better than any magic trick of mine." He rests his forehead against hers while she puts her tiny baby palms on his cheeks. "You're just such a smart girl, aren't you?"

"So smart." You agree. "Just like her Daddy."

"I guess I am smart." Spencer shrugs, moving to sit down next to you with Maisie in his lap. "For marrying the most beautiful woman alive."

You grin at his compliment so he knows it's received, appreciated, and your next comment is just a joke. "And those three PhDs."

He chuckles. "Still, I think that being about to seal the deal with you is the most impressive."

You look around the room at the happy space you've created, where even the worst days don't feel too bad, and then back at him, the love of your life. "This is really the whole deal, isn't it?"

"It truly is."

[desertfangs]

Swipe Right [AO3]

Armand/Daniel, Louis/Daniel - 5 Chapters - Explicit

Y'all, I'm so excited about this because this is, no joke, the first AU I've ever written in terms of truly being an alternate universe (I've done some canon divergent stuff but that's it.) I've just been so inspired by the wonderful AUs and AU ideas in this fandom and when I saw the prompt, I knew what I wanted to do.

This was written for @valenfangs for the prompt "Dating App."

Anyhow, I'm a little nervous because this is something I haven't done before but I'm so excited about this fic and I'm really happy with how it turned out. It's 5 chapters, all written (so it is complete), although there is potential for more chapters or a sequel so we'll see. I will post one chapter per week.

Also, where is that anon who asked if I'd ever write Louis/Daniel because uh... here you go. They are not the main focus but the first chapter is pretty much them so... You're welcome! I told you I never know what might happen!

Summary: In this modern, human AU, Daniel is a radio intern with a podcast who installs a Dating App to find love. He matches with a strange, pretty guy named Armand, and meets another gorgeous man, Louis, in a bar. Dating is complicated and weird, but Daniel just wants to find love.

Short Excerpt:

It was an alert from the new dating app he’d signed up for. His pulse quickened. He’d made a profile in a fit of loneliness the other night, a little tipsy and unable to sleep. For all his time spent talking to people, he never seemed to make any lasting romantic connections and the app was a desperate attempt to change that. 

Most of the matches had seemed wrong to him immediately and while he didn’t mind the odd dick pic, he didn’t understand the point of sending them without so much as hello to accompany the photo, nor what he was meant to do when he received them. He’d sent one back once and the guy unmatched with him, which hadn’t helped his confidence. Since then, he’d pretty much written the app off as a failed experiment. 

He looked at this new match. The guy was gorgeous, that was the first thing he noticed. Auburn hair curling around his chin, big brown eyes, pale skin, and a dusting of freckles. He was young, maybe a few years younger than him. In the photo, he was wearing a t-shirt (a rarity on these apps, most dudes went shirtless), but the funniest part was his profile photo made him look kind of bored. He was smiling faintly but like the photo had been taken by someone else holding him at gunpoint. Daniel found that endearing. 

His profile said his name was Armand. He was twenty years old and a student at SFSU. He liked video games, science, and museums. Daniel had to admit he was intrigued. He accepted the match and then sent a short message: “Hi! You’re hot. I also love museums. Maybe we could go sometime.” He hit send and then immediately worried it was stupid. He resisted the urge to delete it. He silenced his phone and tossed it onto his bed. 

He went back to editing the podcast, because he needed to get it uploaded by midnight so it could go out tomorrow on time. Not that any of his 67 subscribers ever complained if he was late. 

Read the Rest on AO3

[jessreadsandreads]

will you please share how the love lasagna works out for you? Enquiring minds want to know 👀

I would absolutely love to share the outcome of my magical lasagna -- thank you very much for asking! So, I actually cooked -- and immediately began eating, but it took several days to finish everything, between just me and my partner -- both the lasagna, and a complementary spell recipe for a carrot cake cheesecake of love and prosperity, all the way back on May 18th. I had read a post by @elminx suggesting that it would be auspicious timing for that sort of work, so I had made kitchen witchcraft plans centering on that date. However, I feel as though I've been experiencing snowballing results ever since then, which culminated in a thoroughly incredible dinner and a movie date, at my place, exactly one month later! I won't enumerate all of the instances of good luck, unexpected gifts, and small amounts of surprise money that arose during that time-frame, for both my partner and myself, because there were far too many, and I wouldn't honestly be able to remember all of them anyway, but the dating results definitely have me believing in the power of lasagna. My self-love and confidence have been busily growing like weeds, and it really comes through in how many new connections I've begun building, and how many existing connections I've intensified, in the past thirty or so days. I've had an utterly ridiculous amount of casual hang-outs and birthday celebrations with existing friends, generally initiated by them, which involved loads of deep conversations and strengthening of bonds; my nesting partner and I have had even more break-through conversations, adorable moments, and awesome dates than usual; I had a fabulous board games night with a blossoming new friend, who was formerly my work-crush, which we plan to repeat as soon as possible, and during which we gifted each other fancy lotions (it wasn't a planned thing, but it's kind of funny that we both did that), I gave her a huge batch of chocolate-peanut-butter-self-love cookies, and she gave me several sets of rainbow earrings; I have a sudden abundance of unsolicited, but unusually cute, unusually respectful messages from thoughtful, interested parties on a kinky social network site; someone who I was very interested in, but who had ghosted me for a while, popped back up with a genuine apology and a reasonable explanation, and we're planning a first date as soon as our schedules align and the weather cooperates for a walk on the trails with their dogs; someone else I had been involved with forever ago, but fallen out of touch with, sprang back up in an unlikely place, although I've been too saturated to do anything about it; and, most importantly, I finally had my much postponed, but ultimately amazing movie date on Tuesday, following a ton of build-up. It went so well that I received perhaps my funniest and most flattering compliment from someone post-date -- amongst the other sweet things she said, during and afterwards, she added, "I may have at least one friend asking me to introduce you to her." Ha!

However, I think the results for my partner are the truly impressive ones, because while he's already attractive as hell on physical, emotional, and intellectual levels, it is hard to get in front of anyone on the dating apps, especially as a cisgender, straight-passing, polyamorous man with an existing partner. The Tinder algorithm odds just aren't stacked in his favour. Not only has he suddenly been getting matches, and into flirtatious conversations, but he had a wildly successful first date on Monday, they've planned a second date for next week, and he's planning on asking her for a third date the following week. I haven't met her -- of course! -- but she sounds so lovely and perfect for him, ahhh!

[prettyboykatsuki]

*tips cowboy hat over eyes while staring wistfully into the distance* things just aint the same around these parts no more...not since... *trails off meaningfully so you can tell i have woes too deep for one soul to burden on its own* ...since prettyboykatsuki disappeared from town. *you attempt to walk away but i chuckle ruefully with the intention of not letting you leave without hearing my lamenting* they were truly the life and soul of the dash. no one could capture a room's- the dash's - attention quite like their zany isagi thirst posts could. we'd shitpost and laugh and viciously express our desires for sexy 2d pixels until the sun rose the next day. i'm sure you've heard of their legendary bakugou fics? *i turn towards you expectantly and you shake your head at me, fully shaking at this point because you're convinced i'm an asylum escapee* no? ah, well. i'd offer to read one for you but...i could never capture the essence of the dialogue and erotic scenes by just reading it aloud. *you try to ask me where the nearest police station is but i reach into my assless chaps' pocket and pull out a budweiser and you're promptly silenced* truthfully, i was too busy reblogging their omega fics to ask what their favourite drink was so this'll have to do. i know this definitely won't be their favourite but it's the only thing i could grab from the gas station before they saw me and called the sheriff. *you wonder if the sheriff i'm referring to is the cardboard cutout of dwayne the rock johnson standing upright a few yards away that i've duct taped a png. of a cowboy hat to and wrote in marker 'sheriff' on the nipple area* prettyboykatsuki... *i sigh like i have the weight of the world on my feeble poncho covered shoulders and take a swig of the pissy acidic vaguely apple flavoured but shitty apple not the nice kind of apple beer* this one's for you. *i pour a modest stream of the atrocious beverage onto the ground, but the harsh wind intercepts it and drenches you in the liquid* hm. *i feel awkward and i can sense you know that i feel awkward so i stand up abruptly while attempting to maintain my mysterious façade. you ask me if prettyboykatsuki was buried (or something?) where i poured the beer because thats what people usually do at funerals when theyre saying their goodbyes but i simply titter at you like you've asked the most braindead question i've ever received* no, partner... *i turn away from you and you let out a sigh of relief so loud and gargantuan that i definitely hear it and feel a little hurt but show no signs of it because im built different* prettyboykatsuki's everywhere. *i trail off extra mysteriously and walk away from you in the middle of the road where i'm definitely going to get hit if i don't move but i keep walking and you don't want to get into another interaction with me so you just keep watching and i never really go out of sight because the road is one straight flat like so i'm just uncomfortably walking slow paced in plain sight so it doesnt feel dramatic and i'm getting sand in my eyes and keep having to speed up to avoid tumbleweeds so it looks awkward but we both don't say anything because at this point i'm 50 metres away so we accept the moment for what it is, and it's beautiful*

'you' - a random innocent bystander i'm subjecting my troubles to (troubles being u being gone from the dash for a couple of hours)

i typed this in 20 minutes and my shoulder is aching bcos i was going so fast holy shiiiii.

in my entire two years active on this blog, no single ask has ever made me laugh to the point of literal sobbing tears. no amount of keyboard smashing could do my real life reaction justice. like im laughing to the point of almost puking my dinner up. this is the funniest thing ive ever read in my life. im pinning this next time i go on hiatus. im fucking crying.

[bolithesenate]

12, 13 and 22 (Feemor) for fandom ask please!!

12. funniest/craziest AU I've come up with

Idk man, at this point I've made it my explicit goal to come up with wack stuff that no one else before me thought of, so....

But my top 5 crazy ideas that are brewing in the back of my mind as of now include:

teen Jocasta timetravels forward to the tcw era and saves the republic by claiming to be herself and Dooku's lovechild

post o66 Korkie Kryze accidentally mandopts kidnaps Korto Vos and then it's a comedy of errors empire survival story. They probably team up with the rest of Korkies buddies and also Jin-Lo Ryce bc I love him.

backwards timetravel where all the nerds + Arath and Lorian wake up in their child bodies after their canon deaths and then go off and take over Serenno (it makes sense in the AU i swear) (or it doesn't and still is a fun story)

Jaster & Tarre teamup of total nerdery where they get sent back in time by the Manda to save Mandalore, only their idea for saving Mandalore hinges on saving the Jedi Order first. It's another Master Jereel (my beloved) story where no one except them themselves believe they are doing an amazing job at impersonating Jedi.

speaking of Tarre: my complete backstory for Tarre Vizsla and how the most cringefail jedi to ever jedi was so bad at jedi-ing that he accidentally became mand'alor

but tbh there's so many other whack stories I've already wrote, am writing or simply brainstormed about that there's always others I could talk about. These were just the ones that came to mind first.

13. character/ship I haven't drawn/written yet but want to

hmmm lemme think whom I have done total zero for as of now (I've got a ton of stuff on the backburner that y'all haven't seen yet bc it's spoilery for certain fics)

this is actually really difficult hahahahaha bc whenever a character or a ship piques my interest I tend to immediately do *something* with them, hmmm.

OH!

Grand Admiral Sloane!

I've already planned her to be a character in my sequels rewrite, but I've never come around writing any of it! But it will happen!!

And as for the ship, hmmm. (this question is getting a lot of 'hmms'). Maybe Pre and someone. I've done Pretine stuff already, but I think Pre/Jedi ships have some potential. Crack potential, mostly.

Yeah, that's the only one I can think of.

22. A headcanon for FEEMOR

My boi!! I love him, he is so funny.

I think I've mentioned it before, but I think the funniest thing to do with him is giving him all the makings of a chosen one/anime protagonist and then have him stubborn his way into just being A Normal Guy.

Xanatos calls him a farmer, but what Xani doesn't know is that that's the biggest compliment Feemor could receive. Fee is just the 'Refusal of The Call' trope personified and he is so good at doing it the Force actually eventually gives up on making him its chosen one.

All he wants is to be left alone, help some people and sleep 8 hours a day. Is that so much to ask?

(it is, for someone in the disaster lineage, but Feemor comes by the Yoda stubbornness truly)

[butch-reidentified]

I really don't think it's a good idea to answer those people's asks or get involved. That's exactly what they want and its purpose is to cause drama, not create anything worthwhile. Please take care and have fun on your weekend plans!!

no I agree, and I'm p sure it was all from 1 or 2 ppl bc i got like 7 more and when i reported as spam they all stopped lol

the only one i regret deleting is one of the last ones after i said go find my other posts if you want screenshots of the other shit she's spread about me, bc they said "the only one making baseless claims is you. your reputation is ruined" which is hands down the funniest thing I've ever received in an ask, truly

they also sent several saying shit like "she just replied with the EYES emoji" (in all caps every time) as if that's a reasonable thing to respond to an anon like that one with, as if that doesn't count as spreading a rumor 💀

and tys!! I'm super excited, I've been looking forward to this event for months ☺️ it's gonna be a ton of fun fr

[lakemojave]

I hope this doesn't come off as confrontational or insincere, but I truly am sorry for saying you looked like Markiplier. I thought you would take it as a humorous anecdote/compliment, but that was before I saw your response to the first ask.

This is probably one of the weirdest asks you've ever gotten, but i am genuinely sorry for upsetting you. That was not my intention, and I hope you can accept my apology.

No no don't worry this is the single funniest apology I've ever received in terms of subject matter. You're good bud I appreciate it

[strawberryfemm]

11 15 17 23 <3

11: have you told people in your real life about your sex life or do you keep it private?

i like truly cannot shut up about my sex life especially when i'm doing new things i LOVE to talk about my sex life. for the first like. six months of being with my current partner it was pretty much all i could talk about, although i do keep it private from people i know won't wanna hear about it of course

15: what’s the funniest thing that has ever happened to you during sex?

mmmmm not during but one time right after sex pixie was like just touching me n went "you're so soft like a wat" (rat) and i could not stop laughing. also another time we started talking about chungle down bimm (character from a show we watch with an incredibly silly name) far too immediately after sex for my comfort lol and i was like in tears laughing bc it was so funny to me

17: describe the sexiest person you know.

ohhhhh hmmm well i think probably they have short colorful hair and are kinda medium height and are butch and are really funny and sexy and cool and interesting and comfortable and i love to be around them sooooo much and they have the most biteable thighs and the best ass i've ever seen in my life and hips that i love to grab and the perfect tummy for kissing and an incredible little puppy dog face. and probably they didn't send me this ask even. anyways either that person or erika ishii but i don't know them personally so i'll go with the person i described

23: do you have a favorite sexual compliment to receive?

probably that i'm good at giving head or that my voice is sexy. oooo and also that i like made their brain turn to mush i love feeling like i was smart n creative during sex and i love making subs soooo confused n dumb! but also calling me pretty and genuinely meaning it WILL make me absolutely melt <3

[elysianslove]

‼anon :

kasgskag omg i am so happy for you!!!!<333 congrats on hitting 11k i am so- my heart is warming up so much, it might over heat :""♡

I haven't been a follower for a very long time, for i only started using tumblr a month or two ago anyways, i've been sending some asks a couple days ago but, tumblr have a uge appetite, eh? erm! But you're one of my favourites and hhh,,, i am just so happy for you :"

I would love to participate in the event, but like i said, i am new to all of this, so- akdhs- excuse me.

I am an african-arabian , muslim and an october babe. ( i just realised that we're similar in this while writing it 😭 ). I have many hobbies but i perfect none of them, mainly drawing, reading, singing, dancing, and writing. I want to learn many languages, working on my french and russian rn- and, while i am an introvert, i am trying my best to break out of my shell and seem confident at all times ( it can be very exhausting kahsks!!!! ). I've never dated before so i can't really tell what my best date would be, but i would love for it to be something about the two of us, it doesn't have to be very grand. I think my love language is words of affirmation and gifts giving. And, i am pretty sure i am a switch but mostly a sub :" ( i love praise praise praise!!! <333 )

Okay, thank you!♡ congratulations again, and do stay safe and take care of yourself! Remain hydrated and well fed! I love you/p!!<33

that’s so so sweet thank you so much gorgeous! <3 i hope you like this <333

11k Event/Match Ups are closed!

↬ your haikyuu matchup: nishinoya yū !

↬ your fanfiction trope: accidental confessions !

— headcanon: i think just being with noya is fun in itself. he always has the craziest stories to tell, whether they’re personal experiences or others, dreams, fake stories that he convinced you are real. and just as much as he loves to talk, he loves to listen too, and he’s great at it. he makes the funniest comments as you’re speaking, gives you the best reactions. it’s always fun with noya, whether it be a genuinely active date like going camping or to a theme park or staying at home. everything he does is sentimental too, like it truly comes from the heart. he won’t ever half ass anything, and he definitely finds more significance in gifts that mean something over gifts that are more expensive in regards to giving. when it comes to receiving, literally just the fact that you got him a gift means the world to him. you could give him a rock and he’d be the happiest man alive.

[elcorhamletlive]

This might be coming out of left field but I've been meaning to ask you just because I freaking LOVE the spiderverse movie and it looks like you do, too! I want to know who were your fave characters? And moments? Like, which made you cry and which made you laugh? Wow moments and unexpected moments?Also the soundtrack was bomb so any songs sticked to you after the movie? *phew* glad I got that off my chest the movie is just so beautiful asdfghjkl that animation is so top notch!!!

ANON!!!!!! I am SO SORRY for how long it took me to get to this, but Ithought it was such an amazing question and I wanted to take the time to sitdown and write it, and lately all my significant free time is spentwriting/rewatching the MCU. 

I was so glad to receive this though, because I fucking LOVESpiderverse. I think it was the best movie of 2018 - not just the best animatedmovie, the best superhero movie, but the best movie of the year, period. I’veseen it about three or four times, and each time it just continuosly amazes meall over again.

And there’s SO MUCH to praise this movie for. The art style, which isabsolutely fantastic - it’s such a GORGEOUS movie, the type of movie that’sworth going to the theaters to experience in the most complete way possible.It’s so colorful, the characters’ expressions are so good, and Miles’ New Yorkis just so full of LIFE, bursting at every single shot. It’s a movie thatembraces animation in its fullest, and embraces everything that an animatedmovie can be as opposed to the current trend of just trying to make the styleas realistic as possible.

I think this movie just has so many characters that are a delight towatch. Miles is a shining star, his personality shines through in his everymovement, his struggles are honest and relatable, and, despise this moviehaving so many different spidersonas, it never looses track of the fact thatit’s MILES’ movie and MILES’ story. He’s such a good. I also fell in love withGwen, her voice acting, her entire design and just overall vibe. Everythingabout her was so cool, and I loved the fighting style they gave her, how it wassomething unique to set her apart. And I also need to mention Spider-man Noir,because he was just responsible for the funniest moments of the movie, imo, andI need a cross-over fic with him and Steve fighting nazis together.

But if I were to pick just one character to single out, it would have tobe Peter B. Parker. I feel like they couldn’t have done something better withthe character. The whole sequence of his life, his divorce, his cynicalbehaviour… I loved it all. The end, where he’s so READY to lay his life forthe others, and Miles is the one who calls him out and tells him to go home.How actually scared of going home he is. Like many people, I just related tohim so hard, and it was wonderful to watch him.

There are SO MANY moments that are just fantastic, so many that made melaugh out loud, so many that gave me chills, it’s hard to pick a single one.Let me list a bunch.

 “play dumb”/”who’s morales?”/”not thatdumb”

Miles and Aaron graffiting the wall, and then Miles just casually batting away the radioactive spider.

The entire sequence of Peter Parker’s death and the town’s reaction, with Scared of the Dark playing in the background. Everything about this sequence is pure perfection. I cry every time when Stan Lee appears, and, yeah, part of it is the context of his death, but when he says “we were friends, you know” about Peter, and when Miles asks what if the costume doesn’t fit, and “it always fits… eventually”. Mary Jane’s speech and the people in the crowd wearing spider-man masks. Just typing it is giving me chills.

Miles climbing the stairs, looking down at the top of the building and the cut to a shot of him going down the stairs.

When the cop sees Miles swinging with Peter B. and says he’s going away with the body of a homeless guy.

Peter B. cutting Miles off when he starts the “with great power comes…” quote.

The scene with the Kingpin clicking the pen and the flashes of his backstory. How they’re drawn differently. I love it.

Peter B. yelling at Miles to stop listening to him.

Gwen’s arrival at the battle with Ock (and her haircut!!).

Noir’s arrival and Peter B. asking “where is this wind coming from? we’re on a basement”.

“Can you close off your feelings so you don’t get crippled by the moral ambiguity of your violent actions?”

Honestly, I could probably just quote every Noir line here. The peak of Nicolas Cage’s career.

Peter B. running into Mile’s universe’s Mary Jane. “For you they should fill this place with bread”. Cracks me up every time.

GOD, PETER B. CRYING IN THE SHOWER, I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT. “I handled it like a champ!”, and then him being in awe and kind of emotional talking about seahorses. God I love this movie.

Miles saying Peter B. has to go home, Peter B. beeing terrified of going home, and Miles giving him the push he needs.

The entire What’s Up Danger sequence. Best suit up moment of any superhero movie, ever.

The final “let’s start from the beggining” sequence. 

I could probably just keep going. There is so much wonderful stuff in this movie. It truly is a gift, the type of great that’s rare to find. Everything about it just brings me so much joy.