#truly. pure serotonin

[seenthisepisode]

booping is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off or something

[cowboy-like-moony]

1989 really is THAT girl, it's just banger after banger after banger and I'm so tired of people pretending it's not just because it's popular with locals, idk what to tell you perhaps on occasion the locals just have great taste, anyway haters gonna hate, stan 1989

[hybridshadowz]

magician scara? yes please~🎩✨

[im-no-jedi]

so I randomly decided to play Sims again tonight, with my TBB fam of course✨

not much happened for a while, it was just a lot of domestic stuff (me, Echo, and Crosshair spent an entire day doing laundry, not kidding 😩)

I apparently never chose jobs for the boys, so I did that; Hunter, Echo, and Crosshair are all military, Tech is tech support (duh), and Wrecker is an athlete. I debated about putting them all in military, but this seemed the most realistic to me (and it’s just what I wanted 😌)

Omega had a bad day at school, so I spent some time cheering her up. then Tech and I did some knitting together, and he made a hanging succulent basket for my kitchen 😊

then Christmas happened?? I rarely check the calendar so I didn’t know it was coming LOL. everybody except Hunter got a good gift, even Crosshair. Hunter’s been naughty apparently 😝

it was a really good Christmas and everybody got to do what they wanted. I kept waiting for Father Winter to show up tho, and he didn’t until almost everyone has gone to sleep. I was the only one awake and was about to go to bed, but…

the dude came in and started talking to me before I could get in bed, literally you can see Hunter asleep there already, and we’re just having a chat ROFL

thankfully the convo didn’t last long, but ol’ Clem stuck around a bit longer. Omega had woken up to go to the bathroom and started interacting with him; she was even able to get a present from him! 🥰

however, it was like 1 AM (in game) by that point and she needed to go to bed, so she went outside (it was raining) to sleep in the tent. and uhh…

this motherfricker not only followed her outside and stared at her while she slept, but he WOKE HER UP to talk to her again. IN THE RAIN. Omega didn’t have an umbrella, and it put her in a bad mood cause she got all wet. from talking to dadgum Santa at 1 AM 😑

didn’t play much after that, just until the next morning so Omega could go to school and the boys could go to work. Hunter woke up super early and had to take care of the chickens cause one of them was threatening to leave from how dirty the coop was. no, I am not making this up 😝

one last thing before I turned the game off for the night. Wrecker woke up shortly after Hunter cause he had to pee, but in true Wrecker form, he didn’t bother putting clothes on before running to my house. it was still raining. so Wrecker, in his boxers with hearts on them, goes running from the Marauder and up the long stairs to my apartment IN THE RAIN just cause he needed to pee. all while Hunter is cleaning the chicken coop next to the ship

I love this game so much 😂😂😂

[romanoffsbish]

Kissing Booth

Natasha Romanoff x F!R (College AU)

Tired of your girlfriends on and off kind of love, you set off to see just how invested she is in keeping you | WC: 2,848

Warnings: Toxic-Ish themes | Jealous Nat | Blood

Smut: Public | Jean-Riding (R) | Oral (R) | Degradation (Slut)

18+ | Minors DNI

"Y/N Y/L/N's pledge to the campuses first ever, Mental Wellness Festival is: a one woman booth meant to stimulate your joy receptors; a smooch of serotonin. Fellas, swing on by and steal a kiss, from the palm of my hand, and enjoy your sweet treat. Ladies and They's lean in closer love, if you set the right price, you can take the grand prize—a kiss of your choosing; my lips taste like artificial cherry and melted chocolate if that's of any interest to you. All proceeds go to a fund set in place to create better avenues for those suffering to cope with their hefty course loads as they manage heavy thoughts too." Natasha read the words over and over again in her traumatized mind until her pure feelings came to a boil as she huffed and ripped the paper off of the wall of every place she'd found it.

———

It didn't matter though. Because even though she took them down within the same hour they'd gone up, when she stepped onto the quad lit up by stadium lights she saw that your booths line had wrapped around the diamond twice in the five minutes that it was open.

Her fists clenched briefly as she saw Wanda and Carol, her sorority sisters, eagerly stood in line. Then she shook her head with a near manic laugh. The redhead truly felt bad for the other people here who thought that you'd actually kiss them on their mouths. Foolish to even dream of it really, because you knew better than to let them taint your sweet lips with their lust.

Theirs was carnal; vile another way to express that they wouldn't care for you like she would. Hers was soul crushing, but in the euphoric sense, because you knew no matter what happened between you two, that you were never alone. Natasha might be away, or distant, but she'd never leave you to become another's prey.

Far too perfect for her to lose to her traitorous sisters. They'd be dealt with later, but right now, your (ex) girlfriend had to focus on creeping in the shadows. Watching to see just how far you'd push her buttons.

All Natasha needed was your patience for a month, not even the full thirty days honestly. It was only meant to be a break so that she could focus on her studies, the way her A+'s, and full marks had dropped to A-'s had scared her into thinking that space would help fix it.

It didn't, but she pretended it did because she could not psych herself out of sticking to her desired path. You clearly lacked the patience and respect only your mommy could teach you. The exams are literally next week, you've been so good up until this final stretch. Not bothering her with physical ambushes, or even texting her, which she actually scolded you for, to which you re-shared your location with her just to limit the contact you'd have to make with her through text.

That hurt her feelings a bit, but she refused to wallow in the mess that she'd made. Your feelings were hurt first, and the aftermath treated hers no kinder, and lord knows this wasn't the first time she's done this.

That was in high school, junior year, and you were distraught by the decision. Then Summer came with apologies, and forgiveness. Now, in your fourth and final year of undergrad, you're just used to it. For some reason she just kept getting away with it unscathed...

Until now at least.

The woman you craved watched you with dilated eyes that caught everything. She's only hiding to see who you flirt with, genuinely, and consequently putting them on her list of people whose life she must now ruin in relation to you. Her mind raced when you let an older woman peck your cheek, she had only given you $500, and yet you let the corners of your lips brush.

Natasha growled in place of a whimper, she couldn't get the infuriating image out of her mind, her eyes burned with frustration as she pictured you and the football captain's girlfriend leaving the field together.

The redhead wouldn't let that happen. Darcy Lewis, the gifted scientist, and lover to a Mr. Sam Wilson, would leave here sooner in a body bag than with you.

Natasha pictured shoving the overzealous woman off of a cliff, then she'd return so she could approach you as she dug in her deep crossbody fanny pack, to then slam her wad of cash into the full jar, pull you up into a bruising kiss, and lift the bowl as she kicked the table over, helping flip to the red closed sign for good.

It was $4,000 in hard cash, money she'd just pulled out this morning to get a cashiers check for rent and to pay her other bills; Natasha was pissed, you sure felt that in the way that she harshly nibbled on your lips, cracking open the silky smooth skin; bright red blood smeared your coffee stained teeth. Everyone's whispers of fury and shock were drowned out as your heart pounded wildly in your chest. Natasha hungrily sought out this elevated moment where she took a chance and recklessly guided your body around the corner until she could slam you up against a random concrete wall.

.... It paid off.

"Oh fuck," you huffed as your exposed upper back brushed against prickly vines, the crisp chill in the air instantly solidifying your blood against your skin. You could hardly care about the pain though as Natasha's thigh brushed against the bare cunt you'd sported beneath your skirt the entire night. That shiny metal chair was dripping with your essence as you saw your soulmate (ex-girlfriend) watching you with fury.

You were drenched, painfully needy, and screaming: "Natasha please—god I'm so fucking wet right now!"

"I know you are slut," she growled as her sharp canines grazed over the throbbing veins of your jugular. "I can feel your sticky mess through my jeans." You mewled at the rough press of your slick cunt to her pants, it had you seeing staticky stars. If she kept up a steady pace you were certain to be discovering galaxies. "Mmm, I need to cum mommy, need to cum so bad, please!"

"Yeah?" She scoffed, and you nodded frantically. "Well I need my money back, but instead I've donated it to do with these lips as I please so how about you shut it."

You didn't heed her warning, "Please, I'm sorry..."

"So fucking greedy," she growled, the glare she held as she pulled away from your neck sparked a thrill of fear to run straight to your core, your pretty eyes plead for reprieve, and naturally, the redhead gave in. "Go ahead slut, but make sure to let them hear you." Natasha's arms flexed as she expertly guided your core against the rough material of her jeans, and so you moaned out into the world her outwardly embarrassing title, letting everyone know they never stood a chance, it was a beautiful symphony to your on and off again lover that ended on a high note when she heard a familiar gush.

While you heavily panted, desperately breathing in the crisp night air that chilled your lungs into a hitch, she reveled in how the delicate rumble felt against her lips that were spread against the thin skin of your throat. Her tongue darted out, licking up the salty layer atop of your tacky skin, her teeth brushed back down, going the opposite way her tongue just had. The redheads goal of an endgame was etched into your exposed skin.

Your collarbones now decorated with her marks; ones that spoke of jealousy, and paired with a fragile love. You whimpered softly, the way her wet lips suckled on the already marked skin of your thudding pulse point bled off into the more painful side of things. Her wet tongue slid over the same spot in apology, then her lips founds yours after she kissed up the side of your neck.

Natasha's lips pressed against yours much softer than before, but you could tell she was frustrated with you. Which was fair, and matched as you stewed yourself, a part of you did feel guilty, but mostly, you felt broken.

But you weren't about to cry, no, you'd rather get mad.

It was what the naive asshole had earned. Natasha was great, a caring girlfriend who looked to you to smother with all of her love, the last six years together were a dream come true. A dream that faded into a nightmare whenever she becomes stressed, becoming someone you hardly recognize. She'd become dismissive, cold and quick to call for a blip; a break in your sacred union. Each time she said the same thing, "Just a bit of space is all I need, we'll be okay, mommy promises."

It was what she needed—never you, but she made it seem as if you'd happily agreed to her conditional love. As if letting you feel like her life could only improve if you were to leave it was something you took positively.

You were young, and carefree but not dumb enough to not know this wasn't healthy and maybe for your own petty thrill, you wanted to test her very limits. To see if she might just see what she risks losing, but you feel like all she got from this was more frustration. It only took a moment for her to huff that angrily against your chapped lips. "All I asked of you was for time Y/N."

You leaned your head back and pouted, eyes soft like a wounded puppy's. "We're better together Tasha."

Natasha sighed, "I know detka," she conceded with ease, her guilty face falling into the crook of your neck as she took in a calming breath. "I've been miserable without you honey, but we had to know that this could work. I'm going to have to travel for work, and I don't want to have to worry about you entertaining others."

"I'd never cheat," you hissed, "You asked for a break, that means we're no longer in a relationship Natasha."

"That's not what I meant and you know it Y/N," her nails dug into your sides. "Never have we ever ran a kissing booth during one, now stop being so difficult."

"I'm not being difficult Natasha, I'm doing charity work, and having a bit of fun as I do it." You shrugged and she frowned. "So breaking my heart is fun?"

You sighed softly, unwilling to unpack the hypocrisy of her words, "The only way this works out is if only your body leaves me in those times, but if you're saying random bouts of silence is the final answer th—." Nat cut you off, "You stopped texting Y/N, not me."

"Yeah, because you just wanted a 'good morning' and 'night' or an 'I'm home' after my classes got out, and you'd simply like it. Not even a 'morning love' or a 'glad you made it home safe' or an 'I love you.' in response."

"I needed to focus on school," she tried to defend, it was a pathetic excuse, and you both knew it. "Then you can do that Natasha, but I won't be waiting for you anymore, these breaks in affection are killing me."

"What? I-." You pressed your hands to her shoulders and attempted to push her away but she fiercely stood her ground. "What are you saying Y/N? Because I—."

"Need to let me go," you tiredly replied, "If I, um, if our relationship is too much of a problem for you on your journey to success then it's best we end this now."

Natasha's heart froze in her chest, the idea made her ill. "No!" Natasha fell to her knees, lips brushing over your abdomen before her hands lifted your skirt, and then her nose was nudging the wet skin of your thigh beside your cunt. "I'll do better honey, I swear to it." Her lips trembled, "No more breaks," her voice cracked and your heart sank. Your hands fell to the outline of her head that was buried beneath your skirt, her erratic breaths fanned across the sticky mess between your thighs and your body shivered. "Natasha, get up."

You felt the godly crafted curve of her nose nudge your clit as she shook her head, your mind was reeling with desperation, the same as her words. "I'm insane Y/N, clearly, because my reckless hypocrisy nearly lost me you, but I'm not so crazy that I'd actually let you go."

"Nat..." your muttering of her name cut off in a shaky breath as you felt her shake her head again, the thin twigs snapped as you threw your head back. "No," she murmured against the slick curve of your labia, a wet kiss made your hip jolt off the wall and slip more of her face between your folds. "You are my home Y/N."

Your heart stuttered as you heard her sniffle, her warm tears cascaded over the slick of your thighs and soaked into the cracks of your kneecaps. Hurting her wasn't something you relished in, but it was also necessary.

You knew that up until now things had been toxic, but you also knew your threat of dissolution wouldn't be dismissed. Natasha wouldn't let you go, she'd fell for you way back in middle school, she had the diary's in a locked drawer outlining your future together, the stars were aligned well before you knew, and they officially clicked when she made her move sophomore year.

After puberty gave her a much needed confidence boost she'd asked you out, using homecoming as an excuse, and you didn't hesitate to say yes. She kissed you after walking you home, her mind shifted when her lips pressed into yours, giving her a taste, and from that moment forward she has held on possessively.

Which is why you knew the moment your flyers went up that she would be all over you. A minute part of you lived for these raw moments where the insecurities her distance had created are edged out of your wary mind. Natasha wasn't a fan of breaking your heart either, but with who her parents are you can show her some grace, her expression was clearly a byproduct of their neglect.

Especially when she worked your body so perfectly. "Mmm, fuck," you gasped abruptly, mind exceptionally fuzzy as her despair had turned into the sloppiest head you'd ever received in your life. The noises were lewd, not even the school's festival could drown her out the more her tongue lavished away at your oozing cunt.

Natasha forgot what it was like to breathe for a long moment, her nose and mouth too busy working together to keep your mind fuzzy from pleasure. It was also her way of relishing the time she spent with your intimacy, fear clawing at her heart that this could be it.

The final time she was able to make you cry out her name, to make you feel this good, to love you as she always should. Her mind ran wild with the thought that you might've been scoping out your next lover tonight—could Wanda or Carol be better suited for you? No! She shook her head again and you came, crying out for her—you needed her, and her alone.

Natasha's nails dug into your ass, spreading your cheeks so that she could delve even further into your core with her tongue. Intent solely on drinking you dry, not that she ever really could, no matter how much she lapped away you never failed to become wet again. It was a vicious cycle that she endured with glee.

Your essence was something she always savored, but in this exact moment she found herself rushing to clean it up, her body now plagued with a persistent urge to cry.

Tears and slick intermixed on your thighs, creating their own slippery consistency that led to the redhead falling further into you as she tried to push herself up. You chuckled slightly before reaching a hand down to help her to her feet, the humor dying as soon as her face was leveled with yours. It was hard to feel joy when the love of your life looked so damn despaired.

"Oh Tasha," you coo'd, hands gentle as they cupped her  wet cheeks. "Please, don't leave me detka," she sobbed, her slick hands laid over yours, attempting to keep the comfort of your touch on her, even if it was forced. Fortunately, your intent was only to bring her closer as you pulled her face forward and into a sloppy kiss. The way she whimpered at the affection solidified your choice to stay and fight for the love you knew existed.

"Take me home baby, these lips are yours to keep."

[aetherdoesthings]

would you like a new home? (pt. 3.3)

forethoughts: y'all i'm on such an arlecchino down-badness syndrome i'm writing so much and releasing so much. i think after this i'm going to write more short stories w/ father and reader, so it's gonna be like a cumulative story of reader as their adventures as father's child. (spoilers oops)

notes: gn!child!reader, NOT AN X READER READER IS A CHILD!!!

You were still awake when the door creaked open, and Father’s heels clicked against the ground. Father tried to place the tray of food gently on the table, but you could still hear the porcelain hit the wood.

“Are you going to continue to pretend to sleep, or come and eat?” Father had a playful tone to her voice.

Of course Father knew you weren’t asleep.

Father made her way towards you, placing a hand on your head as she ran her fingers through the knots in your hair. “How are you, my dear?”

You sat up, rubbing your eyes. Your head was still pounding from the orphan’s foot, making it uncomfortable to sleep on that side. “I’m okay.”

“Good. Good.” Father looked at your sleepy expression, a soft smile on her face as she petted your head. “Do you know that I would do anything for you, my dear? I treasure you dearly and hold you near my heart.” 

“Y-Yes, Father. I-I do too…”

“Do you?” Father chuckled. “I am very happy to hear that. Especially from you.”

Father kissed the top of your head, before standing up, heading towards the door. “Eat up, my dear. When you finish your plate of food, please come find me in my office. I will be waiting for you.”

Father closed the door behind her, leaving the lights on. Letting out a sigh, you crawled out of bed, hobbling over to the table as you climbed onto the chair, examining the tray of food. Next to the plate of Jueyun Chili Parcels was an envelope with Father’s seal on it. You took the small letter opener Father had gifted you, and carefully opened the envelope. Inside was a piece of paper, filled with a sea of ink. You would rather read the cookbook than this. 

“Adoption… guardian… Arlecchino… Y/N… child…” You picked out words you knew, filling in the blanks with your best guess. The word adoption rang in your head. Adoption? No one ever got adopted ever from the House of Hearth. Father said that this was the place orphans from all over would grow up in and graduate from. Arlecchino… that was Father’s name. You recall overhearing some of the caretakers calling Father Arlecchino. 

Father… plans on adopting me? The thought struck your head, causing the paper to fall out of your hands. You immediately picked it up, eyes scanning the ink. That was literally what the paper saids. On the bottom were two straight lines adjacent to each other. One had Father’s signature on it, while the others was empty. Father… Father truly planned on adopting you. This was actually happening. You searched the envelope, looking for anything else. A note. A small folded piece of paper.

My dear Y/N,

Perhaps this will be the happy ending for the both of us. So would you like a new home, my dear?

Father.

Father. 

Father genuinely planned to adopt you.

Father wanted you to become her actual child.

Was that why Father was always kinder to you?

Was this why Father was always much more lenient and biased to you? 

It was because Father wanted you to be her child?

Her actual child?

You took a deep breath, picking up the first piece of paper instead. Pure adrenaline rushed through your body, thoughts racing through your head as your heart desperately tried to claw out of your ribs. This was happening. Serotonin and joy was the only emotion you could feel; not an ounce of worry or fear in your heart. Why weren’t you scared? Why weren’t you worried? 

Because Father.

Father was the one asking you.

Father was asking you to be her child.

Father was giving you the one thing you craved ever since you gained the ability to comprehend.

A family.

A relationship.

Someone who truly loved you.

A parent.

So how could you ever say no?

A new home.

A new life.

No more loneliness.

No more fear or worry.

No more doubt or anxiety.

A new home. 

With Father.

Arlecchino reclined back in her chair, playing with the pen in her hand. Out of anything she had ever experienced or done in her life, this was the one moment she felt genuine worry about. She could not plan this out. She could not make failsafes or backup plans. This was a reckless action. But the action she desperately wanted to take.

Arlecchino had saw a part of herself in you; that was what drawed you in to her. She saw that kid who never got along with anyone else, that was always lost in their little world. She wanted to give you the support she never had growing up. So she gave you the little perks she never had. She gave you all she wanted when she was your age. 

It was unfortunate she could not find a companion for you.

But everything always works out in the end.

Life always finds a way to piece everything together.

Arlecchino was brought back to reality when she saw one of the doorknobs twist open, your adorable figure entering the room as you hobbled towards her. The letter she had purposefully placed on the tray was in your hands, cut open and the adoption paper on top of the envelope. You climbed onto the chair on the other side of her desk, placing the adoption paper on her desk. 

Arlecchino watched you with a stoic expression, unable to resist a grin as she saw your cute child face look down and fiddle with the hem of your sleeve in nervousness.

“Well?” Arlecchino cleared her throat. “What do you think about my offer?”

“...Yes.” You smiled brightly, nodding your head. “I w-want to be your actual child.”

The corners of Arlecchino’s lips shot up to her eyes. “Come here.”

Arlecchino didn’t even mind you stepping on her desk to leap into your arms, as she wrapped her arms around your back and head tightly, hugging you close to her chest. The warmth in her heart only grew when you reciprocated the hug back, your tiny arms clutched onto the sides of her ribs.

Arlecchino let out a content sigh, a smile on her face. Now she could say the one phrase that held meaning to it. No more teasing. No more playfulness. 

“My child.”

[lurkingshan]

10 Things I Love About Only Boo!

*kicks down the door* I'm a few weeks late but I have arrived and I am here to yell about this fucking adorable show. Have you heard that it's the cutest shit you've ever seen in a fresh new package of all your favorite silly old romance tropes? Besties, this is truly the Sunday Serotonin we need. Here are the top 10 things I love about it:

The main romance is between a confident sunshine protagonist and a kind older boy working through his grief and an artistic block. Mok (Moo) and Kang are such nice boys, two cinnamon rolls too sweet and pure for this world, and I loved them instantly. They have a nice crackly chemistry between them and really solid communication right from the start.

The setting is rural and refreshing. Moo moves to Nakhom Pathom to attend school for a semester because his mom wants him to focus on his studies before she will allow him to pursue a career as an idol. Little did she know she was delivering him to a cute boy who would become the new distraction.

The crushing and flirting starts immediately, and it's mutual. They just like each other, man. Kang is (slightly) older and trying to be responsible about keeping Moo focused on his studies so he's putting up some token resistance, but it's very very token. They both find excuses to keep seeing each other after they meet.

There's a side couple with a long-term pining friends to lovers arc. The way I squealed when they revealed that photo wall. I support you, Payos, you will get your boo. These two also have a lovely, easy chemistry and seem so comfortable around each other. Their characterization also gets a fun twist in the beginning of the story.

The writing is strong and assured. This was written by the same screenwriting team as Cooking Crush, aka the best written original Thai bl of last season. These folks know their way around a smart romcom. They know how to deploy classic tropes so they feel fresh, build authentic character arcs, and make all the beats of the story feel confident. We are in good hands and don't need to worry about any out of left field conflicts or weird plot turns with this one.

A fresh new cast brings a ton of energy. I really love all four of the main actors for this show. They're young and bright and breathing some new life into an old formula. And both pairs have solid chemistry and seem comfortable in their scenes together.

Some of our old favorites are here too. They've made the smart decision to bolster the young main cast by surrounding them with more experienced seniors like our lady Milk, here playing Kang's friend and neighbor who is all up in his crush on Moo. Louis and Book are also going to show up at some point.

The show incorporates music and dancing in such a charming way. Moo is one of those kids who just has to dance, and the show mines a lot of comedy around his efforts to stifle the impulse as his mom ordered. I don't think he'll hold out for long, though, because Payos and Tae are on him to train with them. And of course the music supervisor is having a great time working in some classic GMMTV music gags (yes, Love Score and Too Cute To Handle both make memorable appearances).

It's a high school story brimming with youthful energy without being mired in immaturity. The tone of this show reminds me of My School President in the best way, in that it has all the sweetness and innocence of a high school romance without making the characters so immature and bad at communication that it's annoying to watch. As expected from the CC writers, these characters may be inexperienced but they are going to talk to each other and honesty will prevail every time.

We are only three episodes in and the romance is already well underway. This is the kind of show where we will see the main pair flirt and date and face obstacles together. The swoony moments started immediately and Moo is already throwing around the faen title. We know from the synopsis that the core conflict will come when Moo is forced to choose between his relationship with Kang and his dream of being an idol, and I expect he will be finding a way around that choice. I'll be strapped in for the ride because I already believe in these two.

[ayaboba]

DAY 7: A LITTLE SOMETHING ❅⋆⍋

summary: they can get a little overboard with gifts, especially for you.

characters: ayato, kaeya, wanderer, zhongli.

notes: gn! reader, last sentence in ayato’s is suggestive, wc: 120-200 per paragraph.

⋆⁺₊❅⋆ dreamy december event masterlist

ayato

If faced with the prospects of going on a little rendezvous to a market or enduring a lengthy cooking class with Ayato, you’d gladly risk the guarantee of waking up with an upset stomach.

At first, the answer to the choices seem almost obvious, you don’t even need to think twice before coming to a conclusion. Why would anyone face the risk of food poisoning in comparison to a harmless shopping trip?

You sincerely, from the bottom of your heart, are thankful and cherish every single one of the gifts Ayato never failed to starve you of, selected with the most detailed and precise of observations and preferences. Your workspaces are graced with the most refreshing pieces of decor, your bewitching collection of accessories is always the most elegant and entrancing, and your wardrobe, perhaps the most elaborative and extensive out of all, owns the most divine pieces of fabrics and fibres too substantial to comprehend.

Frankly, it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise when you tell Ayato to lower his budget, which, as he strongly believes, is a sacrifice towards his serotonin. Eventually, through trailing kisses, hasty promises and faltering sighs, you two finally come to an agreement.

kaeya

Kaeya earnestly explains, over and over, that can’t help it, that you should be placing the blame on the sellers for luring him yet again into purchasing. The harsh burden of having a generous soul, he sighs. Can’t you feel an ounce of pity for him? Besides, he truly can’t help that, “there were just so many things that reminded me of you.”

To be brutally honest, Kaeya’s only motive for these ceaseless piles of presents was purely out of self-indulgence. It was quite selfish, yes, but the pleasure didn’t derive from the shopping, it wasn’t to satisfy his spontaneous decision-making when it came to such matters, but rather the gleeful radiance shining from your face whenever he came home with something in hand. How you attempted to reserve yourself and not seem overly excited, and Kaeya delights that he can see right through you.

The only way to understand his strange way of thinking was to picture yourself in his shoes. Would you do the same if it promised such a reaction from Kaeya?

wanderer

Wanderer is the pure embodiment of the phrase, “actions speak louder than words.” Secrecy travels with every move he makes, every action he meticulously plans. It weaves into the reasoning of the most minuscule of tasks when it comes to you; he can’t refrain from it. Striving for perfection entrusts some sort of validation seeping into the ventricles of his heart, before pumping out avid determination, a desire to exceed after each result, one grander and more adoring than the last.

The gifts he pledges aren’t a mere reimbursement for his lack of sweet nothings or public hand-holding, they’re something much more sentimental with enigmatic depth, a beautifully tied bow unravelling cryptic messages that only sweeten as time ticks along. It’s summarised within a few careful judgements, courtesy of his impeccable ability to read your emotions, those gifts are, and will always make your smile a thousand times more genuine than any sugarcoated words or physical affection in the eyes of him and you.

zhongli

Working as a consultant at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor must bestow the blessing of generous income and time.

It’s the only explanation for this growing observation: the handy wallet somehow never running out of mora (though you admit, he can be quite forgetful of it), and the suggested galore of unlimited spare time, which certainly must be the reasoning behind why Zhongli can afford to obtain such bountiful amounts of precious treasures that always leave you breathless.

Quite often, his indulgence results in a slicing feeling of guilt, leaving you in a state of burrowing gloom, overthinking the matter until the idea is reduced to a singular strand of disregard. After all, the little trinkets are simply harmless expressions of love, even if they occasionally overflow your doorway.

[coffeegnomee]

Training my brain to learn that caring about something does not mean someone will die and it will all be lost.

Cw - death, OCD, mcyt death, dsmp and lifesteal, triggers

This is, obviously, something super personal. But sharing about it is what scares me, so I’m going to do it anyway and prove to my brain that it’s okay to care.

If you end up reading it, know you just read my heart. I hope it helps you process whatever you’re dealing with <3. 

I looked up OCD tonight because my brain constantly cycles through the same thoughts and worries about Lifesteal like Non Stop. Like I know I’m ADHD but this isn’t just a fixation on this server, but like debilitating spirals of thought. And all focused around analyzing if it’s all going to fall apart or not. 

They say ocd is a “limbic system impairment that occurs when someone experiences a traumatic physical or emotional event while their chronic stress load is already high.”

And that freaking resonated. They say exposure therapy can rewire the brain so let’s go explore what’s the event that’s keeping me spiraling.

My chronic stress load was extremely high that summer two years ago. And then Technoblade died. The longer it’s been the more I really sit with the fact that that was traumatic.

On top of the stress personally, now my favorite YouTuber, my comfort character on dsmp, the freaking anchor of that server, was just gone. Gone.

Dreamsmp came in a time of some pretty heavy depression. Obviously the pandemic was still occurring so that’s a chronic stress load itself (I found it January 16th 2021, so like, three days before the disc finale, but almost a year into covid) and watching through all the streams I was able to completely escape.

For the first time in months I was laughing. Like deep belly laughs. Full body. Actual joy. The neural rewiring my brain those first months was insane. It was pure serotonin.

I became motivated to work again, having something fun in the background. I looked forward to cherishing the lore, keeping those streams to the side for the evenings when I could really immerse myself into the story.

There’s a two-fold trigger that sends me into a spiral around loosing the thing that makes me happy. Unfortunately at the time, the things causing the chronic stress in my life stemmed from the things that used to bring me fulfillment and joy and purpose. They were being taken away, by my own choice, and from my health (more on that later).

So in the void of having my real-life anchors to bring fulfillment, dreamsmp was the thing keeping this whole body going. Truly a hanging on by a thread moment.

But even then, it’s not just about "loosing the thing that makes me happy" that causes these obsessive thoughts.

It’s the irrational connection that because the lore changed and the dynamic of the server stalled, that THAT therefore somehow that lead to Techno dying. (yes. An irrational and non related thought. I just realized with writing that that I have truly merged both those events so closely that when the first happens, I cannot let go of the idea of the second. I’m sitting here expecting someone to irl die.)

Huh. That’s interesting. 

It’s like, I read this from some random instagram post years ago. This woman’s husband died on a sunny day and then years later sunny days fill her with dread as if the weather was signaling that she would come home to the death of a loved on.

That’s what’s going on in my noggin.

Because it’s Quackity’s lore that changed the fabric of the dreamsmp. It didn’t have to, but it did. It came at the perfect storm when everyone was super burnt out and needed to run away from the insanity of both the fans and the haters and the sudden massive fame. 

He decided to do pre-recorded movies. On my live-stream smp. The very fabric of lore was changed. 

And because of the larger production, it took longer, and the other members of the server seemed to not know where to take their personal lore; everyone was waiting for that damn casino to open. And since all the lore ended up happening in pre-recordings we never again experienced that magic of live stream entertainment and improv and dumb bits. Everything was sanitized. For their own sanity, sure. But at the expense of the survival of the server. (Also Techno wasn’t available because of the chemo, so truly nothing was happening on any end of the server)

That perfect storm, loosing interest in the server and the lore being fundamentally changed, set the stage for the traumatic moment of loosing a member. That's my two-fold trigger.

And his death sealed the deal. I’ve never held it against them for not wanting to continue after. Season 2 was impossible the moment that happened. 

My chronic stress had exploded so far that my thyroid was fucked and I’m diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that keeps me fatigued more often than not. Besides that, my other main chronic stress was a realization that the Future I had always expected myself to take, the Plan that I had set out, I was suddenly extremely Not Sure I wanted to do anymore. 

But I had confidently told my friends and family for over 8 years that this is what I wanted (all this during college and after. I was already 26 at this time) (yes I’m old) (yes life is still crazy when you’re old) (but you start understanding yourself better). It was in this understanding of myself that I realized my direction needed to change.

Suddenly my whole identity I had built for myself was swept out from under me. 

At that. same. dang. time. That same week. That’s when the news broke. Literally broke me to pieces. 

And I hadn’t told anyone I was obsessed with Minecraft lore. Like bro. I’m out of college for a few years. Get a life. (But man. My eyes just light up when I think about this method of story telling. It’s just goated)

My mom sort of knew. She didn’t understand but at least I could tell her someone died and she had some sort of connection that I had been following this kid for over a year now. 

But no one else. The sorrow and pain of loss is just so much worse when you can’t explain why you cared about someone so much. It’s not like my parent died. Or sibling. It was a kid I had never met in person but I resonated with so much. 

And I remember distinctly thinking “It’s not worth not sharing the things you care about with other people”. Burned into my brain that day.

But time heals all wounds. Until something triggers it. 

I spent the next year just following Foolish, that ray of sunshine who was involved enough to have become my comfort streamer, but not too involved that it was painful to watch because of the memories.

It was a crazy fun year. Best comfort streamer. But people change, I change, and I missed Minecraft lore. You can only watch so much valorant before it’s just the same game.

Foolish found out he was on QSMP (I think it actually was before, I think he knew about the server before it was announced) and he started looking at Minecraft content and Minecraft builds again. For the first time in over a year. It was such a random day. 

But we watched Sandiction and… Rekrap2. 

Both of them stole my heart and I went, maybe it’s time to return to mcyt. See what’s been brewing.

And before I knew it I was on a month-long binge of Lifesteal content and just so absolutely lost as to what order everything came out in or what season everything was from. Shoutout them being allergic to click baiting “Lifesteal” or adding season tags to the description. It’s such a mess on Youtube lol.

Soon enough I found Baconnwaffles1. Not 0. 1. Somehow found his second channel first.

The videos caught my eye. I knew they were streams and I was trying to find the vods, but as you know Bacon doesn’t have a vods channel and his streams delete after 14 days. 

But then finally the fated video crossed my path: “This is PrinceZam and he just betrayed his teammates”

Oh my goddess what in the world is going on in this server. 

I needed to know. 

So began the true binge. Found Zam’s vods, watched season 4. And I discovered something amazing.

I have genuinely never resonated more with a character than I resonated with Zam season 4.

Every internal debate of Zam resonated with my own dilemmas. People pleasing and understanding what you value came to a head, and only one could win. But truly your values are the only real option because every moment of people pleasing will rub against your soul like hot coals. 

Remember those chronic stressors? The life I didn’t know if I wanted anymore?

As Zam walked between conversations with friends, teammates, and enemies, I recognized similar conversations in my life. 

I could describe the situation one way, and the person would agree and give advice. But then I realized I could describe the situation in a different light and then maybe they wouldn’t agree anymore. So I didn’t know what advice to take.

And then chat was so funny. The day before the wormhole they started giving too many opinions, the same opinions they had been giving for weeks, and in a flash I was like, omg he’s going to spiral again guys why are you like this. 

And then he was like, OMG chat, YOU’RE the problem! There’s too many of you and I’m trying to make everyone happy.

If I tell you I jumped up, screamed, giggled, and floundered around like a crazy person it wouldn’t even come close to what happened. I was so proud of Zam for realizing his emotions were being swayed by the barest opposition. From that third person point of view, I could so clearly see what was going wrong and I was cheering him on to realizing what he truly wanted.

I did, and still do, see so many of the decision making problems that Zam has, within myself. As a piece of media, and him being a character, it’s the craziest most relatable story I have ever seen. I’ve never resonated with a character more. 

Then we reached season 5. 

The first season I truly watched as it came out. I had gotten too obsessed with this Minecraft world. I wanted more. I loved these kids and their storytelling. 

But it was the first season when people started leaving the server on good terms.

Oh no. This sounds too familiar. People are loosing interest in the server I love. What’s next, a change in the fabric of how lore is created? 

Then there was a change in the fabric of how the lore was created.

We saw the new members approach the server with a recording-mindset. Who weaponized the lore against the old server members. Pretending they cared about the yapping but then revealing that in itself was a complete and total lie used to get you into the perfect position to either spoil the whole riddle or shoot you with an arrow canon.

And then. Not. Care. At. All. Zero remorse.

I don’t know why the betrayals by Jumper hurt so badly. But it hurt. A lot. (I was triggered that’s why) My emotional reaction was out of proportion to reality.

It’s not like it wasn’t a Lifesteal move, people had gotten into position to betray in the past, and would continue to do so in the future with Leo and Clown betraying Minute. 

But it was that “I have no remorse over the hours we spent as a team, not a single thread of care to you or to the yapping lore of this server”. It’s one thing to be betrayed by an enemy. Quite another to be betrayed by a friend.

So here I began. Triggered by something that wasn’t world ending. Quackity’s take on lore didn’t kill the server. Neither did Jumper’s. It was probably going to be fine.

But like. My brain is not agreeing. So I’m pushing back on it. 

Here’s what I’m finding.

This is a fun tidbit - when Mapic said “streams are delayed” when he was in the hospital before the finale I could not convince myself that he didn’t had cancer and wasn’t going to die. Bro. Tell me you’re triggered without telling me you’re triggered. (In case you didn’t see, it was just a concussion)

I’m so hyper aware of everything that could indicate I’m going to loose someone I care about again.

The pattern recognition is going out of control. 

And I keep trying to calm my brain down and catalogue all the reasons I know and believe Lifesteal will be perfectly fine for probably a while. Like how they have meetings all the time to discuss what went down on the server. They’re talking all the time to work out interpersonal problems and lore problems so that everyone is happy and feels heard. And they’re watching movies together. Meeting up and strengthening relationships. Changing admins as necessary. 

And I say it again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Every time something throws the smallest pebble at stability I walk my brain back through all the indicators that everything will be fine. 

Jumper:

Jumper loves being on the server. She’s said it. She’s so excited about it. She did have a plan. She didn’t tell us the plan as it went, but she does stream. She’s getting comfortable with the idea of streaming, she’ll learn to trust chat over time. She’ll learn how to loose gracefully on this server at some point. Probably. hopefully. And since I don’t know when that will be I’ll just have to wait until season 6 and see what happens. It’s out of my control. She’s fine. It’ll be fine. 

Pentar:

Pentar is fine. He doesn’t understand why chat would tell him he’s the most likely to betray even though every video he betrays. Why is he doing that that’s so weird. But he’s a great teammate and everyone likes having him around. I don’t like how he laughs at Zam, but like I can give him the benefit of the doubt that he just doesn’t take anything seriously and laughs in the face of anything serious. I’ll have to wait and see until next time to see how I feel about what he does on the server. Real life can’t be repeated over and over so just let it go. It’ll be fine.

Minute:

Minute is just so happy to be in Lifesteal. He loves it so much. You can tell by how he speaks every time there’s a group moment. He’s going to be admin next season. He loves this server. He may be overly attached to the Rules and have black and white thinking and he sometimes wields that for his own gain and I hate when he does that can he just have fun and take things less seriously? But I think he’ll get it. He’s competent. And he loves the server. He wouldn’t destroy it even on accident because someone would call him out before that happens. It’s going to be fine. 

Ash: 

Ash can be mean and also not care about the good that our side is doing and just wave them away saying they’re just evil. He does’t get it. But also he’s quite the actor. He puts on a lore face when he logs on, you can see it in season 4 with the wormhole. You can see it when he logs on for the justice league returns and he’s so committed to being good and fighting evil and as Zam is killing Mid in the background and he’s all shocked as if he was not the one who goaded Zam into killing her moments before. It’s a character. Even when it feels like it shouldn’t be. He does take random events in stride, pulling up the meditation guidance video when they all got killed. He’s stressed out by it, but also takes it with some levity. He’ll be fine. He just chose a questionable character to act this season and didn’t know how to balance his position as admin separate from his need to win. But he’ll be fine.

Can you see how this is exhausting? This is my brain on the daily. 

Every day I find myself working through each person one after another as something small comes up to threaten the balance, or reinforce the good.

This is when I noticed this wasn’t simple excitement about the lore, thinking and guessing about what might happen.  It was the same thoughts over and over and over. And I couldn’t stop a line of thought until I mentioned all the things. That’s what made me look up ocd. 

But back to it, I’m actually so much more okay with Ash because it’s been a couple seasons with him. I’m starting to see his tells. So I can just let the rough parts slide away. 

And that’s really what I just have to accept. That I can’t self soothe my way into being okay. Resisting acknowledging what I’m afraid of is just making me spiral more. 

We’ve seen people choose to leave after stressful seasons. We know some people become aware that they aren’t cut out for Lifesteal. Or they just don’t want to be. Some of these members might decide that. And Lifesteal has continued despite members leaving. 

OMg can I please stop cataloging how it will be fine?

I have to sit with the reality and realize nothing bad DID happen, NOT that nothing bad MIGHT happen. 

(This is unironically so counterintuitive to my brain. What do you mean I have to just accept that nothing bad happened, what if something bad does happen!) (But that’s what anxiety looks like. That’s not a good)

How do you convince yourself that you can’t predict the future? Asking for a friend.

I think it goes back to caring. I don’t think I’m allowed to care about any of this. That it’s silly, or dumb, or immature. 

It was, in fact, in caring itself that the loss of Techno was so painful.

So I don’t allow myself to care. To get too invested. Any time I see that I’m caring I push up on the walls of my trenches and shove that shit out. Only analytical thoughts in here. Measurable, quote-filled analyses.

But caring does not therefore mean there will be a loss.

So. Okay. Pivot. What am I really afraid of? 

I’m afraid the server will end. That something will make Zam give up and leave. 

Wow. I thought that was going to be a long ass paragraph but it really is just that. I know I’ll stop watching lifesteal if Zam is gone. Unless someone new comes in that has his same spark and dedication. Unlikely. 

So that threat is the worst. 

And I’ve seen his interest wax and wane. I know he can disappear for a month. 

But I also know he can come back. And he’s been a lot more mature and healthy and confident in being the streamer of Lifesteal. In how much he loves the server. 

Which is where pb&j being such a threat to the fabric of how lore is done is so scary, because that changes Zam’s care. But then again. It really didn’t. He just pivots. 

One of the most healing things has been watching the old members leave and continue to make content. And seeing how they choose to make their exit. They honored the server and the time they were there, in Rek’s case uplifting Lifesteal.net, in Parrot’s in completely reediting all his footage into a cohesive story. 

And then they still make content together. All the members make content with each other outside of Lifesteal. (And those that left the internet forever, that was okay too)

So that’s nice. Some bad things came to pass, and they've shown their response to it. Also Zam taking a break didn’t change how the lore was created, so that wouldn’t be a trigger. 

The trigger from that fear would be if he did leave, my brain would go into high gear looking for who was going to die. And I would have a new post to write lol. 

The trigger that is still tilting me is that pb&j changed how the lore was made, and my brain went *danger* *danger* This is something that happened last time and you know how that turned out! Start looking for who is going to die!

And it stopped me from seeing how this is not the same situation. The pattern for a death that I think I’m seeing, is not a pattern. 

And sitting with how nothing DID go wrong, that fear did not come to pass, is exposure therapy.

Because nothing went catastrophically wrong with the season 5 finale. I just keep closing my eyes, sitting in the problematic lore, and not accepting what actually happened at the end of the season, and freaking out that disaster is coming.

So what happened?

Season 5, you tried to kill my server. 

But The server resisted. (Hahahah undertale reference!)

Clown came back. Ro came back. Branzy betrayed everyone for Clown. Bacon and Zam sat in vc the entire finale fight. Mapicc fought until he couldn’t.

Spepticle gave his account then fought for it back. Pangi gave his account. Spoke gave his account. Red did the blessings/curses as Zam wanted. 4C said he was glad to give Minute the presidency because he knew Minute wanted peace and he knew peace was not an option in Lifesteal. Actually the quietest of goats. Didn’t realize he thought that deeply about the server. 

And it meant so much that Clownpierce, who hasn’t been meaningfully involved since the season 3 finale, came back and fought for his server. He made Lifesteal season 2. It’s always been his domain and he fought for its soul.

That’s the season 5 finale. 

The Players fought for Lifesteal. The server resisted destruction. 

This chapter is closed. This season got it’s ending. And it’s “not like last time” like my brain keeps thinking. 

The season might have ended with a lot of unknowns for how it will affect season 6. Will these old members still care? Will pb&j be a menace still? 

But what happened was a moment where everyone came together to care about the server. And that means the anxiety was unfounded. If something happens like this again, I have an example where everything didn’t fall apart to counter my fear that it will. 

See you around!

If you actually read to the end you’re amazing. Hopefully this is something you can do in your life to help understand what is the cause of your pain and anxiety. I wasn’t going to post it initially, but working it out as a post I could theoretically show to other people helped make it way more real than trying to work it out in my head, talking to myself. I had to write it in such a way that someone else would understand. Even if I didn’t post it. 

I’ll probably have many more days of writing when I notice a new trigger. Exposure therapy isn’t a one and done. (I probably won’t post any of those.)

But my body feels so much more relaxed now. Something has shifted in my head as a result of writing this all down.

Good luck!

[luna-writes-stuff]

Always, Dean Winchester

Song link

Fanfic, male! reader

Hurt/comfort, slight angst with hopeful ending

Word count: 3510

Tw: British Men of Letters (ew), swearing (big ol’ F-bomb), breakup angst with slight resolving. Mentions of being stood up on a date. Reader is going through some emotions.

Summary: Dean never wanted to leave you, but when the British Men of Letters threatened to come after you, he broke it off before they stood a chance. Now, weeks later, he still regrets that fateful evening. After an hour long drive, he stands in front of you motel room, trying to find some sort of closure.

Requested by @trannydean

Buy me a coffee/force me to write more

“This Romeo is bleeding But you can't see his blood. It's nothing but some feelings That this old dog kicked up.”

In the course of his life, Dean has made many stupid mistakes. Some mistakes more colossal than the others, but overall a big heap of stupid mistakes. But through all of the trial and error he was forced to go through, he has never regretted one more than losing you.

In all truth, it hadn’t even been a necessarily mistake. More often than not, it would be the lesser of two evils, but this was all together foolish on his side. He felt that on his side, he’d be extremely vulnerable with you around. Especially when the whole British Men of Letters debacle began to escalate.

You hadn’t been a hunter to begin with. You knew about Dean’s life and what he did - it was how you met him after all. But you never joined him and his brother with it. Occasionally, you’d help him dig up some lore, made sure motel places were safe, and had the honour to be the getaway driver every so often.

So, why did he really have to get rid of you?

“It's been raining since you left me, Now I'm drowning in the flood. You see I've always been a fighter But without you I give up.”

In the heat of the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. You weren’t heavily involved in the hunting life, so you wouldn’t be missed that much. Or at least, that is what he had told you - what he had told himself. In all truth, that would have been one big lie. Maybe you didn’t decapitate vampires or burned bodies, but you didn’t need to. Not for him.

You were his moment of peace after a long hunt; a place he could run to to calm down, to rant, to break down in the rare moments of the night. Every moment he spent around you felt like pure serotonin to him. Every time he fell into a hole and had trouble digging himself out, truly believing he had hit rock bottom, you were there with a rope to pull him out. And he never realised how much you had helped him until it was too late.

It was pure irony that made him hate that dreaded day where he did everything in his power to keep you safe. In order to get you somewhere safe, you had to be away from him. You would never do that willingly. So, he pulled the stupid boyfriend part.

He hated the person who came up with the line ‘you never know what you got until it’s gone’. He hated it, because it was true.

“Now I can't sing a love song Like the way it's meant to be. Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore. But, baby, that's just me.”

It was late at night when he called you from the motel. At least he had the dignity to meet up with you. He had to minimise the chances of you running to him in fear something was wrong. This was better done face to face.

And so, in the dead of night, you pulled up your car to the nearest tank station, already seeing Dean standing there. You had run up to him with a smile, anticipating a surprise, a gift, a secret getaway. But as you stepped closer to him, you could already see the silent remorse on his face. It made you halt where you stood.

Not even ten minutes later you were back in your car, your eyes brimmed with tears, cheeks red and a building headache. You couldn’t remember how long the drive home had been, but once you got there, everything in you had told you to fling yourself onto the couch and let all your emotions flow freely.

“And I will love you, baby, always. And I'll be there forever and a day, always. I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine. 'Til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme.”

That was three months ago. And aside from the short demon visit from a while back, nothing extraordinary had happened - unlike you had expected. You figured that being separated from the Winchesters would put a massive target on your back, but the opposite was proven. It had been as if you had just completely disappeared from monster radar.

Some part of you was extremely grateful for it. You were able to get back into the loop of your old life, which was something you didn’t think would be possible after four years.

Dean hadn’t checked up on you since. Sam had tried to call several times, but it always went to voicemail. You’d send him a brief message to let him know you were alright, but you were in no mood to talk to him. Not out of hatred or embarrassment, but because he would always bring Dean up. And that had started to become one of your least favourite topics

“And I know when I die, You'll be on my mind. And I'll love you always.”

“Still not answering?” Sam placed his phone on the table, giving Dean an accusing look. “He never answers.” “So, why bother calling?” “Dean,” Sam objected, throwing one hand up in frustration. “It’s called simple human interest. He’ll send me a message later.” Dean frowned at his brother, confusion written on his face. “Wait, you guys are texting?”

An annoyed look passed Sam’s features as Dean’s curiosity grew. “Yes, Dean, I text with my friends.” “He doesn’t text me.” “Because you dumped him over your stupid ego.” A moment of silence passed as the older Winchester shook his head, a light scoff escaping his throat. “You want to know how the white fence life goes?” “He had a date last night.” Sam ignored the mocking tone in his brother’s voice. “I’m curious if it was a success.”

That shut Dean up really quick. He never meant to dump you - he just wanted to keep you safe. He had done his best telling Sam that the dumping was mutual and that the relationship had simply ‘run its course’. Sam, of course, was smarter than this, but hadn’t mentioned it. Be that as it may, Dean had started to not only feel, but become miserable as well. And as sad as it was in the beginning, it had begun to annoy Sam. He knew his brother and he could tell that he would be too stubborn to admit his own feelings, so the youngest had taken it upon himself to keep in touch and maybe arrange a meeting later. The news of a date, however, seemed to grasp Dean’s full attention. And though that wasn’t what Sam had intended to happen, he was slightly glad it did.

“Now your pictures that you left behind Are just memories of a different life. Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry. One that made you have to say goodbye.”

“He’s only an hour from here now, I think.” Sam hinted subtly. “Some motel just outside of town, I believe.” “You want to discuss it over tea?” Dean interrupted, trying to act disinterested. “You’re impossible, Dean.” Sam objected, rising from his seat. “You’re miserable, you haven’t slept in days, and you tell yourself it’s okay, but it’s not!” “I’m not miserable.” Dean objected, shrugging his shoulders as he tried to let his brother’s anger wash over him.

“Face it, Dean. Ever since you broke up with him, you’ve been completely out of it. I’m not even sure if it was that mutual.” Now Dean’s head rose, giving Sam an accusing look, slightly angered by his last words. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “You broke up with him, because you were scared.” The youngest Winchester revealed, beyond convinced of his words. Dean’s frown intensified as he began to interrupt him. “Sam-” “You were scared.” Sam repeated frustrated. “Because you thought the British Men of Letters would run after him.” “Well, he’s safe now, isn’t he?” Dean roared, ending Sam’s words quickly, now shooting out of his seat as well.

“Yes,” Sam responded, now matching his brother’s volume. “But you’re not! I’ve never seen you so out of your loop since we lost dad. You’re not even focused on hunts anymore!” Seething silently, Dean simply stared ahead. His mind echoed a thousand thoughts as Sam’s words seemed to slip past him completely. “You fell down the stairs because a ghost spooked you. A ghost, Dean.”

“Whatever,” The oldest Winchester grunted, as stubborn as he had always been. Without sparing his brother a second look, he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him as his hands found the railings of the motel. His eyes observed the empty parking lot in front of him. Sam didn’t know what he was talking about.

He was in his car a handful of seconds later.

“What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair. To touch your lips, to hold you near. When you say your prayers, try to understand. I've made mistakes, I'm just a man.”

This was a terrible idea. It was an hour long drive. He could have turned around at any given moment. Nothing in him said that he should at least try. He knew it wouldn’t work. Why he let Sam get to him so much, he couldn’t tell.

But there he stood, in front of the motel Sam talked about. It was late - too late for anyone to randomly knock on doors, especially at motels. Creepy men or kidnappers could stand right on the other side. Or an ill-tempered Dean, in this case.

A deep sigh escaped him before his fist finally knocked on the door twice. The feeling drumming in his heart hadn’t been a strange one, he was more than familiar with it. Only now, it felt horrible. A bad kind of butterflies, instead of the light, comfortable feeling he had grown so accustomed to.

Yes, this was a terrible idea.

“When he holds you close, when he pulls you near. When he says the words you've been needing to hear. I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine. To say to you 'til the end of time.”

On the other side of the door, you had been going through the last jar of ice cream you had gotten that same morning. When you heard the knocking, your initial thought was to pretend as if you weren’t here, but you quickly abandoned that idea after realising that - whoever it was - they could see the light burning. Asking no sound would make them think you were asleep, and if it was a murderer, that would basically be an invitation.

So, hesitantly you walked up through the door, peering through the peephole.

“Absolutely not.” You called through the door, immediately walking back to your ice cream. “Wait!” Dean called, but you ignored his command. “I don’t even want to know why you’re here.” You returned, laying down on the bed as you switched the lights off, opting to eat in silence and darkness. “Sweetheart, please-“ “Sweetheart?” You repeated incredulously. “Last time I checked, we broke up.”

“Can we talk?” You ignored his question. He seemed to await your answer before he knocked again. “Come on,” He mumbled. “I can do the talking, and you’ll just listen.” “You’re doing just fine from the other side of the door.” You countered, your annoyance building up over the whirlpool of emotions in your stomach.

“Sweetheart, please.”

“And I will love you, baby, always. And I'll be there forever and a day, always.”

When he knocked for a third time, you shot up out of bed, frantically wiping tears from your face which had fallen for all kinds of different reasons. Angrily unlocking the door, you swung the door open, giving Dean a look that might have killed him on the spot if he had been anyone else. “I’m not here to beg for forgiveness or-“ “Good.” You interrupted him. “So, there better be a life threatening monster in town or you can go right back to the car.”

“No, it’s-” He trailed off halfway, now properly taking a look at you. “Baby, have you been crying?” You scoffed, a faux smile showing itself briefly. “Goodbye, Dean.” As you tried to slam the door shut, Dean’s hand shot out to grab the knob, keeping it locked in place. If you had pulled just a little bit harder, you could have easily won, but that stupid question seemed to trigger frustration all again, leaving you caught up in your emotions.

“Sweetheart-“ “I travelled two states for this guy,” You revealed, not even thinking about what you were saying. You just needed to tell someone about it - a place to rant about the dude. “I genuinely thought we had a connection.” A mocking laugh escaped you as you forced the tears back, not even looking at Dean.

“Did he stand you up?” “No,” You continued. “He was there, alright. Brought his girlfriend with him and everything.” A thin-lipped frown passed Dean’s face, unsure of what to say or what to do. You only resumed your rant. “When I tried to talk to him, he pretended he didn’t even know me. Proceeded to give this chick the best date of her life.” Then, you wiped a stray tear away, silently cursing yourself that you had allowed yourself to be so open to someone you hated just two seconds ago.

“Sweetheart-“ “No, stop that, asshole!” You yelled, anger and pain evident in your voice. “You broke up with me! You don’t get to call me names!”

“If you told me to cry for you, I could. If you told me to die for you, I would.”

Again, you turned around, your hands shaking slightly, fully aware that it would be useless to try to close the door once more. You knew that if you’d ask, he’d allow you to close it, but you didn’t quite know what you wanted him do or say. Yes, you were upset with him. Enraged, some nights. But no, you just wanted some company. Even if Dean was the worst choice.

“So, I had the worst date ever, and when I am most vulnerable, world’s greatest douchebag shows up at my fucking motel room.” You finalised, running a hand through your hair in frustration. A beat of silence washed over both of you before Dean spoke up again: “We were chased.” “We’re always chased, Dean.” You returned, not quite sure what he wanted to say. You weren’t in the mood for it.

“No, I mean…” He pondered over his words for a while, before letting the truth slip. “There is a group called the British Men of Letters. You do not want to mess with them.” Your mouth fell open in an ‘ah’. Not even surprised he managed to turn the conversation around so quickly. “Was Agents of the United Kingdom already taken?” You replied, a sharp edge to your tone. “Baby, I’m serious,” The Winchester protested. “They knew everything about us before we even met. They knew things I wouldn’t have told anyone. They knew about you. They were going to come for you if I hadn’t broken it off.”

So, that is what this had been about. He wasn’t here for some monster or lethal situation, he came here to fix what he had broken all those weeks back. You could have called him names where he stood, properly express your rage, sent him away. Instead, what came out was a pitiful: “I would’ve been fine.”

“We wouldn’t have stood a chance.” Dean sighed, empathy written on his face. “There’s not a day gone by that I haven't regretted that lie I told you. I did love you. I still do.” A harmful smile grew as you shook your head at him. “It’s a little late for that.” “I’m not expecting you to take me back,” The man tried to explain. “I’m just asking for understanding.”

“Take a look at my face, There's no price I won't pay. To say these words to you.”

Whether you believed him or not, you shrugged pathetically, still extremely conflicted. “You could have told me.” “You wouldn’t have let me go.” Dean revealed, something you - though adamantly - could agree on. Had you known, you wouldn’t have given him the satisfaction. Maybe you’d still be together. But he broke your heart all the same. This was no simple forgive-and-forget situation for you. And he seemed to notice: “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry for everything, but I had to.”

You shook your head again, crossing your arms as your eyes fell on the flickering patio light above you. “You’re an asshole for dumping all of this on me now.” “I know.” He agreed. “I just wanted you to know that I didn’t break up with you because of something you did. Or something you said. You’re perfect. I just didn’t want to lose you.” However grateful you were to finally hear those words - that this was in no way your fault - you couldn't help but see the irony in it. “Well, that backfired, didn’t it?” “I’d rather have you safe and away from me, than dead on the floor.”

Your arms fell to your sides as you ran over his words. They were spoken truly, and you wanted to believe him so badly. Part of you already had. But the reasonable part of your bran had finally resurfaced. The silence was killing you. Dean was waiting for you to say something - to do something. You couldn’t bring yourself to forgive him. And you couldn’t suppress the sarcastic speech climbing out your throat.

“How romantic.”

“Well, there ain't no luck In these loaded dice. But, baby, if you give me just one more try. We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives. We'll find a place where the sun still shines.”

When he didn’t seem to respond to that, you sighed, nodding at him. “I understand, Dean.”

The amount of relief that swept through him upon those three words could not be described. To him, it felt as if a massive weight had just been lifted off his chest, and - though it was no forgiveness - he was grateful you knew that nothing had been wrong with you, despite what he might have said that night. “Thank you.” He nearly whispered. “But this isn’t going away like that.” You added, watching Dean’s face fall lightly. “I know.” He admitted, finally stepping away from your doorstep.

“Sam and I are at the Crescent motel an hour from here,” He tried to change the subject again, putting his hand in his coat pockets. “We just finished our case, figure we’ll be gone tomorrow at 9. Might do Sam some good to see your face again.” You understood his underlying notion, but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction. Not out of pettiness - out of self reservation. You needed some time for yourself. You were feeling enough as it is.

“He can call me.” You answered. “I’m going home first.” “Of course.” He nodded, the atmosphere now slightly uncomfortable. He seemed to sense it too, because he began to turn around.

“Bye, Dean.” You greeted, a sympathetic smile on your face, one of silent reassurance. He turned his head slightly, giving you a small smile. “Bye, sweetheart.”

As he made his way down the motel steps, you walked towards the railing, looking at him as he walked back to his car. “You know, it’s kind of hurtful you never once called me.” You called after him, watching him halt and look at you. His smile grew a tiny amount at the words, throwing that boyish look towards you: “Keep your eyes on the phone.”

“And I will love you, baby, always. And I'll be there forever and a day, always.” I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine. 'Til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme.”

As he entered the car, you waited. It wasn’t until his car disappeared from view that you walked back to your room, locking the door behind you. The sadness had lightly disappeared, a lighter, more hopeful feeling now entering your stomach. It grew even more when your phone rang.

Walking up to the device, you were quick to notice the familiar name of the caller. Unable to suppress the genuine smile climbing onto your face, you picked it up, holding the device to your ear.

There was a moment of silence, before a light laugh was heard from the other side: “You answered.” Smiling brighter at the voice, you answered him. “You called.”

A hum of agreement was heard from the other side as the motor of a car was clearly heard in the background. “Goodbye, sweetheart.” Dean’s voice called through the phone.

“Drive safe.”

“And I know when I die, You'll be on my mind. And I'll love you, always.”

[starredsmile]

i have to keep this video framed somehow as a reminder that it is possible to feel serotonin in my veins from excitement <3 that life gets better and i will have things to smile so much about !!! that i will discover what it feels like to be truly insanely happy FOR someone else out of pure love and admiration and that its the type of love thats so warm and fulfilling that it helps keep me going in life

[yuritord]

VINEGAR DOPPIO X READER

It was a fine Sunday morning, and Doppio was where he commonly found himself; sat in his favorite cafe with a cup of coffee. It was overloaded with sugar and creamer, just how he liked it. But as he sat there, he couldn’t keep his eyes off the new server. Typically Doppio knew most of the workers by name, as he was a very frequent costumer. But, today, he couldn’t seem to recognize the person standing behind the cash register.

They were average height, but there was something about this server that was still eye catching. Maybe it was their hair, maybe their eyes? Maybe it was simply the way they talked, perhaps it was the way they smiled at Doppio after he ordered. No matter what it was- it was intriguing. Intriguing enough that Vinegar found himself coming to this small cafe more often then he ever expected. His wallet cried, but he refused to stop- Whether he pretended to be working, or just bought a small pastry, he found some excuse to see the face he’s come to love.

About two weeks had passed before Doppio finally said something. It was small, but hey; a “So- How’s your week been..?” from a quiet voice was better than nothing at all. He was greeted with that warm, endearing smile he’s grown to adore. There was a small giggle, “My week? Really?”

“Um.. yes! Your week. How- How was it?” he asked again, his voice starting at a fair volume and slowly turned to a whisper.

“Well, my week was just fine, thank you for asking! How was yours, sweet tooth?”

“Sweet tooth..?”

“Oh! Sorry- You always order such sweet drinks… that’s how i remembered your orders in my head- Sorry if that’s.. weird..”

“Oh! No, no it’s sweet! I… I like it.”

They exchanged smiles; Doppio sat back down at the table in the corner of the cafe. He smiled down into his cup- The sun shining down into the light brown liquid. He bit his lip, holding back a small laugh- Though there was nothing truly funny happening, he was simply so happy to have finally gotten to say a few extra words to the server.

The next Sunday when Doppio went in, he ordered just a coffee- But when his name was called, he found his drink plus a muffin and a… note? When he looked over to the server, they just gave him a small, almost mischief-filled smile. Doppio felt his cheeks grow warmer as he went to his seat. He ate the muffin and began reading the small note- It seemed to be ripped out of a larger notebook. He almost choked on his muffin as he began to wrap his mind around what he was reading

“Hey sweet tooth! I’ve noticed you staring at me a lot- Maybe i’m getting the wrong vibe… but you seem cute!

XXX-XXX-XXXX”

When Vinegar looked up to the counter, he didn’t see anyone. He quickly grabbed his drink and left the building; phone in hand. Doppio was practically shaking as he typed the number in. The pink haired male was excited but also anxious- what if he wasn’t what they were expecting? what if he wasn’t good enough? what if his boss called him while he was trying to talk to them??

Too many thoughts, too many fears- But he had a mission.

“Hi! This is Doppio. Or, Sweet tooth? I hope i put the number in right!”

He turned his phone off and began speed-walking, fear taking over his feet. Soon enough he was back outside his apartment building- The young adult’s phone had vibrated minutes ago, but after walking so fast and with so much on his mind, he didn’t notice in the slightest. But back at home, taking his shoes off, he saw the new text.

“OMG hi! yes!! this is the server hehe :P my name is (Y/N)! sorry if this was weird!!”

“Oh no it’s not weird at all!! i didn’t know u saw me staring, im sorry”

“It’s okay! i dont mind, its kind of sweet! If i was uncomfortable i wouldn’t have given u my number. Doppio huh? that’s a cute name!! i like it!”

He couldn’t help but grin. “Thank you! So- besides working.. what do you like to do? you seem interesting!”

Their conversation seemed to last for years, both ends smiling with pure serotonin. The last text had them both ecstatic- an agreement to a date. They’d meet up at the coffee shop and then walk to a nice restaurant nearby. Doppio and (Y/N) were beyond excited- Vinegar was practically radiating joy.

[absolutebloodychaos]

Also special mention to this post I made because he's too adorable:

https://www.tumblr.com/da-proti-toku-grem/730434640781934593/i-will-never-shut-up-about-this

And this video I found on yt a while ago because ✨him✨:

https://youtu.be/9HqkQe3kub4?si=Qw0kdkl8rxONi60r

Okay this is the last one I swear, I just love him so much :(

I have now viewed that post and good lord it gave me the biggest boost of serotonin I swear.

Also I have watched that video a bunch and it is truly just pure happiness juice, a wonderful thing to watch when feeling depressed or stressed or just when you want to be happier😁

[errorbxtchmariah]

The Sound Of Your Heart {Tim Wright x Reader}

Yandere

Gender Neutral Y/N

Warnings: Stalking/Murder/Yandere/Toxicity/Cussing

-

Y/N was a simple small town waitress at a decent cafe, work wasn't always a treat given you had all sorts of people walking in and out.

A certain group of young men came in and within seconds Y/N could assess what kind of people they were... Mentally preparing for the assholery.

Over time in this job Y/N learned very well how to read people, they always were very observant and it served them well.

Managing to keep it together even with the most difficult customers.

"This tastes like shit."

"Where the fuck is my food?"

"Hey get over he-"

Slowly all their words faded out into nothing more than background noise, they were used to being treated like dirt. Still sucked regardless but just had to take a deep breath and trudge through it.

There was one customer though that Y/N always rather enjoyed serving. He was a regular at the cafe.

He was pretty hard to read at times but always polite and sometimes would crack a little joke. For the most part he was very serious.

Little did Y/N know this particular customer always visited to see them. That he was truly infatuated with them. Though he wouldn't admit it to himself- yet

Tim couldn't deny it... Seeing the way they were talking to Y/N made his blood boil. Slowly clenching his jaw he tried to hold it together, he could get their blood on his hands later.

He simply couldn't stand people like that.

It wasn't that he was protective over Y/N.

He wasn't obsessed with them.

He wasn't dreaming about taking them away from this dead beat town.

He wasn't dreaming about making them his and only his.

He didn't dream about killing everyone that gets in his way.

Definitely not.

-

Y/N groaned flopping face first onto their creaky bed, it wasn't the best but it worked.

One day they would get out of here.

One day they'd be free.

Just have to keep saving as much money as they can.

Phone beep

"Hm?"

Y/N reached out lifting up their phone, revealing a unknown number had texted them.

Curious they opened it expecting it to be a spam text.

'Stay away from, Tim.'

They felt a little uneasy now... How'd this person get their number? Was this a prank?

Contemplating for a few minutes they ultimately decided to block the number, rolling over and staring at the ceiling.

How do you go to sleep after that?

-

Tim Masky had taken care of the 'trash'. Scoffing slightly glad to rid the world of those bastards. It always felt so thrilling to take another humans life, to truly be in control.

He leaned against a tree, blood coating his clothes and mask. These guys had really ticked him off so he was particularly brutal. The way they screamed was pure serotonin.

What would his precious Y/N think of all this?

They were so calm and kind all the time. So patient no matter how many buttons were pushed.

Would they be able to accept this?

-

Slowly Y/N had drifted to sleep that night, exhaustion finally taking over despite the fear.

They just hoped it was a stupid prank...

Little did they know outside their window a masked man waited, watching every little breath they took.

He couldn't deny it any longer. His urge for those men to suffer was driven by obsession love.

Y/N L/N will be his.

No one can stop him now.

-

Unknown: Please Y/N don't let him get to you. You need to get out NOW

[vizerothree]

I will try to adjust here again after almost 2 years and post my old stuff ahh hopefully I won't give up once again, I truly missed reading the tags my god pure serotonin. If you see me doing something stupid I am sorry, it's been awhile, idk how anything works 三三ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[sweatyflytrap]

Thank you for the tag @skitskatdacat63 and @userkritaaay and giving me a chance to ramble 🥹💓

As promised my top 5 is just old man 💞💞💞(Top 5 if this was actually a stat would be more like Nando, Max, Oscar, Lance/George, Liam but this isn't so i don't have to actually be normal and accurate☺️)

Now a short review of the races:

Interlagos my queen we are making out sloppy style in a club, best race to ever grace my eyes. I still think about it to feed serotonin to my brain.

Spa was just hell on earth on these drivers that means I was thriving, moisturised, living my best life. Wet races truly are just everything.

Australia because I love mess and god what a beautiful mess that was. Alpine on fire, everyone in the gravel, the top three just vibing. The beauty of it all 🥹

Hungary was made for the haters (me). Lulu got pole, got to feel all happy and emtional and then had maxy jump him and not even let him lead one lap on race day🥹🥹 My boy will destroy every god you put infront of him like the heretic he is.

Monza was just pure clownery. Mouse just randomly starting to fuck with Carlos for that p3, not getting it, stressing that man out and then showing up for the post race interviews all rosy cheeked and big bottom eyes talking about just how fun racing was. Unhinged behaviour on main, sometimes i adore him 😭

Special mention to Austrian GP for all the track limit extravaganza served up to everyone post race by Aston Martin, fucker checked if their drivers were in the clear and just went for it. Sinnglemost hilarious nonsense of the season followed by Lulu and mouse getting disqualified in COTA because peoples misery fills me with happiness especially if it's merc and ferarri 🥹🥹

Evil team rbr you will always be my bestest babygirl for feeding me so well with whatever u had going on. The AT nonsense aside, the perfection with which this team ran the entire year, the competency showed which made all the other teams looking like fucking toodlers 🥹

Tagging @breathofnyx, @pitayyaaa, @justaboutsnapped, @parallelplayers, @merenwenformulauno, @lil-shiro, @fractalkiss, @wewentcarracing and i am probably forgetting people but if you wanna do this tag me 🩷🩷