#trying to get back into art and suffering

[starhoppin]

pick a picture; your next soul lesson

pile 1 -> pile 2 -> pile 3

disclaimer; this is a general reading! these messages may not fit everyone. please take what resonates and leave the rest.

「pile one」

[the lesson]

pleasure (cb: temperance, queen of pentacles rv)

the next soul lesson that you will experience is that you are meant to open yourself up to the good things in life. while i was channeling your energy, i was overcome with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and stress - i think that is your current energy. there is a message that you're lacking balance in your life; all work and no fun. you may have a tendency to overwork yourself but don't necessarily reap the benefits of what you earn.

[what you are meant to learn]

life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. you are meant to find the balance between work and play - but right now, you're being encouraged to focus on fun!

[advice]

creativity, invention

indulge in creative outlets. whatever you are called to - music, art, writing - do not worry about if the product is not perfect. simply focus on creating!

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「pile two」

[the lesson]

self-esteem (cb: nine of cups rv, six of wands rv)

your next soul lesson is rebuilding your self-esteem. i think there was a recent event in your past where you suffered from a significant loss or failure. regardless of what it was, it significantly impacted the way you view yourself. i keep hearing the words "ego death." you may have lost sight of what you wanted to do in life or simply just suffered from a loss of confidence in yourself because of this event.

[what you are meant to learn]

you are meant to learn that outside opinions do not matter. trust yourself; relying on others for validation or approval will only leave you feeling empty when they are not willing to shower you with it. stand up for yourself and your beliefs - you are not meant to abandon yourself in favor of winning the approval of others.

[advice]

grace (cb: the hierophant rv, queen of wands)

it's okay to go against the grain. you're meant to stand out and shine; do not let others dim your light. i heard "give yourself grace." feel your feelings, but do not let doubt or shame consume you. oftentimes when people are openly judgemental, they are simply jealous that they can't be as open and confident as others are.

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「pile three」

[the lesson]

deprivation (cb: nine of cups, death rv)

i think that there is something that you are ignoring in your life. i get a strong feeling that you are putting up a confident facade that everything is okay in your life - almost like if you keep telling that to others, you will eventually believe it too. i think you are depriving yourself of feeling your feelings and consequently, you are prolonging this cycle in your life. while i was trying to channel your energy, i kept getting distracted by random things. i believe you may be filling your time with countless distractions since you are afraid or unwilling to be alone with your thoughts. i see an image of someone scrolling on their phone while simultaneously watching T.V., as well as someone blaring music through their headphones to drown out their thoughts.

[what you are meant to learn]

invention (cb: six of wands rv, four of swords)

your next soul lesson is that you are meant to allow yourself to rest and feel your emotions. you cannot move past this pain or failure by simply ignoring it. pain demands to be felt, it will not disappear until you acknowledge it. although this isn't the advice section, your guides/universe/spirit are encouraging you to use your preferred creative outlet to express these emotions.

[advice]

devotion

you're being called to spend time in nature. connect back with the earth and take in the natural beauty of the world. it will help.

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tarot decks used in this reading: ask your guides oracle deck, and the linestrider tarot.

[morganski-19]

part 1, part 2

Dustin visits the next day, sitting next to Wayne with the same book he’s had for the past few days. Turning to the page that was dog-eared, reading. Voices and all. Just like Eddie does when he’s practicing for one of those campaigns. Claiming that it’s better to get it down with someone else’s words so he can improvise. So he doesn’t have to memorize some script and can be in the moment. Let his mind do the workings along with the players. 

It’s one of the many parts of Eddie that Wayne sees in this kid. The dramatics, the drive. The snobbiness about certain things that don’t really matter to the rest of the world. But it matters to them, so it matters to the people who care about them too. 

If Eddie were awake, he might yell at the kid for turning the corner of a page instead of using a bookmark. Even though all the books he gets are second-hand and already torn and bent in all sorts of ways. But it’s about keeping the art pristine. The author put their heart and soul into this work, it’s not meant to be sullied. Wayne saw Eddie bend the corner of a page a million times over though, he just likes making a big stink about nothing. Just to get a rise out of people, make them laugh. Wayne can imagine that Eddie liked to make Dustin laugh a lot. 

“Have the doctors said anything new?” Dustin asks after finishing the chapter. 

Wayne shakes his head. “Same old, same old. Don’t worry about it too much though, he wouldn’t want you to.”

“He wouldn’t want a lot of the things that happened over the past week. So he’ll have to deal with it.” After a pause, he asks, “How are you doing?”

That makes Wayne laugh. “You don’t have to go worryin’ about me either. You’re just a kid.”

“And you’re just a man waiting for your kid to wake up. The same way I’m waiting for my friend to wake up. At the end of the day, we’re all still people. That sometimes need a break. So, how are you doing?”

It’s scary how much Wayne sees Eddie in this kid. “It’s hard comin’ here to hear the same thing every day.” That’s all Wayne’s willing to say to a kid. 

Hard is definitely a word most people would use to describe his situation. Difficult, disheartening. Maybe even hopeless. But there’s still some hope in this old heart that keeps Wayne coming back day in and day out. Keeps him moving while only getting a few hours of sleep a day. Cause as soon as the night comes around, it’s right back to the plant. Making the money to pay for the care his boy needs to keep living. To pay for the roof over his own head enough so he’ll live to see it happen. 

Truth is, Wayne’s dying here. From the fatigue. From the endless waiting. From the slowly draining pool of hope. Nothing seems to change. Nothing gets better. Six days in a medically induced coma with no hopes of ever waking up. Wayne’s not dumb enough to think that the chances increase the more days pass without him showing any signs of improvement. 

Part of him says that this is the state Eddie will be in for the rest of his life. Wonders if it’s worth all of this just to keep him alive. If he’s really suffering in there and would be better off resting forever. But then the heart monitor keeps beeping and his brain is still active. Wayne’s boy is still in there, he’ll come back soon. 

“Yeah, I bet that’s hard. I still have hope though, I was there when he came in. He looks a lot better now.”

There’s a knock on the door that keeps Wayne from responding. It’s the Harrington boy, in normal clothes this time. Discharged. 

“Sorry to interrupt but your mom said it’s time to go home.”

Dustin dramatically rolls his eyes. “Which one, my actual mother or you?”

“Your actual mother, but I happen to agree with her. Come on, you got school in the morning.” Harrington crosses his arms, looking like he’s ready to start a standoff. 

But instead of fighting Dustin stands. “Have a good night Mr. Munson. I’ll still try to visit as much as I can even though school’s starting back up again.”

“Thanks, kid, I’ll try.”

Harrington ruffles Dustin’s hair as he walks out the doorway. Standing there for a beat before turning back to Wayne. “We’ve never officially met, I’m Steve.”

Steve holds out his hand, waiting for Wayne to shake it. Wayne debates whether that’s a good idea or not. Apparently, it takes too long as Steve returns his hand to his side. 

“I wanted to apologize for the scene I made the other day, you didn’t deserve that. I was just so shocked that they actually cuffed him to the bed. Still have him cuffed to the bed.” Steve looks at Eddie with a guilt that Wayne doesn’t understand. Like he’s the reason Eddie’s strapped to the bed. 

Wayne continues to say nothing, not quite sure what would be appropriate. Tell him that it’s ok, that it didn’t bother him. Or thank him for believing that Wayne knew was true. That his boy was innocent. 

There was more to this story than he knew. Something to do with the kid being there and the rich boy standing in the doorway looking like this is all his fault. When Wayne knows the same scars mark Steve just as much as they do Eddie. Steve made sure that everyone knew that. Using it as proof that Steve was there, and that Eddie was innocent. 

Steve was ready to offer himself up as a witness for a man that the town hates. Wayne should be grateful for that, but it doesn’t seem right. They were part of different worlds. Different status, interests. It didn’t make sense for them to be in the same place at all. Yet here they are supposedly having gone through the same vicious attack. 

“Let me know if you need anything,” Steve continues when Wayne stays silent. “I’m more than happy to help out. Eddie was kind of a new friend and I hate seeing him like this as much as you do.”

“I seriously doubt that,” Wayne snaps. He hates charity, especially from this kid. For some reason he doesn’t really understand why. 

Steve is taken aback. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend.”

“I’m sure you didn’t, but you did. I know my boy and I know how my boy thinks about people like you. So don’t go ‘round gaining sympathy points from the real people who are suffering.”

“I, I wasn’t,” Steve stammers. “I would never.”

“Steve,” Dustin yells. “Get your ass moving, we’re your ride too.”

Steve sighs. “Coming, Jesus. I’m sorry for offending you. I won’t bother you again.”

Wayne shakes his head when Steve leaves, letting out a deep sigh. Maybe he was too harsh, maybe he wasn’t harsh enough. He’s not sure. 

He’s not sure about a lot of things anymore.

tag list, let me know if you want to be added or removed: @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar, @tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda, @fandomsanddeath, @marismorar, @wonderland-girl143-blog, @glass-bottle03, @gutterflower77, @here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium, @resident-gay-bitch, @anaibis, @xxsutherlandxx, @forevermineliv, @mugloversonly, @gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight, @devondepresso, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @cheertain, @anti-ozzie, @autumncrocusandladybug, @greeniebean911, @cr0w-culture, @stillfullofshit, @connected-dots, @daisynotquake, @morgannotlefay, @a-little-unsteddie, @dolphincliffs,

[arkiwii]

maaaa theres a weird looking cat outside

[zu-is-here]

Memories

After years of working together, the rivalry turns into something deeper, but suddenly Killer dies. To save his lover, Cross overwrites their timeline.

He doesn't know that Killer tries to load the latest save file at the same time thanks to his determination, but overwriting erases everything.

Due to the damage, they both lose their memories and start from the beginning, driven by a weird sense of loss — and the need to find someone.

[sui-imi]

the birthday boy! (+ his bitty)

[flowey-apologist]

Jogo again

Ft uh Gojo

[silvyavan]

Beats the mcshit out of you and gay mullet emo

[shokupanko]

I have panic disorder and it sucks. But I just made it to the double digits! No panic attacks for 10 days straight due to healing and meds! (*/∇＼*)

[ozzybutweirdthistime]

so i haven't drawn in a hot minute. i decided to get back into it with a very bad drawing of etho.

his anatomy is all kinds of wonky, but he's ready for summer !

[magpies-gold]

Heinrich - Tired AF (sketches)

the missile is very tired, he is eepy -- Not deep, just some mood sketches from Thursday night when I, too, had hit critical levels of Done. Fun fact: Heinrich is too heckin' tall for his bed. Instead he has a tendency to fall asleep in an even more uncomfortable position on an even more uncomfortable piece of furniture, usually after reading until his brain doesn't work anymore. Y'know. A logical choice. (I keep saying that his animal symbology is all lone wolf, but sometimes he reminds me that there's a lot of cat in there too - he can pretzel and he can sprawl; he can sleep just about anywhere)

[mildmayfoxe]

i did take an edible when i was at work earlier. just like a little baby one for babies but i guess i'm entering the era of getting high at my job to deal with the horrors

[welcometogrouchland]

Darius 🤝 Willow

Beefing with the blights in complex, somewhat homoerotic ways

[goatmeatstew]

I blame my buddy @panpumapaints21

I also blame them for getting me into this show lmao, how dare.

full disclosure, I heavily referenced a pic of a pile of cheese from Google. And I only used a plushie I got today as reference for Plagg lol

[saturniidd]

I do not like digital art

[pepprs]

ok mutuals i know this is cringe i am so aware and i am so sorry. but this is my…………………… warrior cat oc who represents me (i am so so so so sorry. i am so sorry.) and im doing some tweaks to her design rn and i can’t decide whether she looks better with or without this like spiky cheek fluff that’s supposed to make her face look more starlike. so what do u think. vote now on ur phones (without fluff on the left, with fluff on the right)

[dogbunni]

I have been on semi-haitus bc I recently got diagnosed with hypertension (at 24!!!! what da fuck!) so I've been trying to reduce some stress in my life while also trying to like figure out what I need to change diet/lifestyle wise and get all the testing done that I need to get done and figure out medication w my Dr. it's been kind of a lot