#trying to get back to work Too Much lol

[whenthelightisrunninglow]

how's the other guy holding up

[quatregats]

Thinking a lot of thoughts about Hornblower's relationships with Barbara and Maria as a metaphor for his larger relationship to social mobility and ambition, and I think there's actually a lot there - not sure if it was intentional, but I do think that whether intentionally or inadvertently, Forester did an interesting job with the parallels.

Quick note beforehand that some of this is based on my constant brief paging through C. Northcote Parkinson's Hornblower "biography", which, while I absolutely abhor his interpretation of Hornblower, gives even more food for thought on this point. I'm also leaning more into his interpretation of Hornblower's background and childhood, as opposed to the TV show's, so it might not work if you're coming from the TV show's perspective.

Parkinson takes Forester's comment that Hornblower was a "doctor's son" to mean that he was the son of an apothecary, rather than a physician like in the show. I'm not a historian of the period, so I would be hard-pressed to actually try to fit Hornblower's father within the 18th-century framework of medical practice, but either way, given his awkwardness around upper-class life and that he seems to have grown up in rural Kent, I think that Parkinson's claim that he was the son of an apothecary, rather than a physician, does have some reasonable foundation, or is at least equally plausible (to me) as the show's.

Hornblower struggles with poverty through most of the series, especially the first half, but even when he is barely scraping by, such as at the start of Lieutenant, this does not seem to be an abnormal state; and when he finally arrives at wealth and success, he constantly wishes to go back to the days when he was a penniless lieutenant, so from this we might also surmise that he did not come from wealth. (I'm also comparing especially to Jack Aubrey, who, while he admittedly makes a hash of coming into large amounts of money, and who also lives perfectly happily on very little, is clearly quite comfortable being the "lord of the manor" by comparison.)

One of the biggest changes in the second half of the series (from The Happy Return/Beat to Quarters onward) is that Hornblower's career comes into fruition; he becomes a decorated Captain, a member of the landed gentry, a Knight of Bath, a Peer, and finally an admiral, and marries into an enormously influential family. He's constantly in conflict about this, until he isn't: he wants to become someone powerful and important, except that he doesn't like the role once he gets it, and constantly wishes about the old days, then feels guilty for wishing for them. Most importantly, he seems to become less and less himself, his mental narrative getting more and more distorted as he tries to mold himself into the person he thinks he wants to be.

I don't think this is a particular novel interpretation, but I think that in light of this, the contrast between his marriage to Maria and his marriage to Barbara is very interesting. If he was an apothecary's son, his and Maria's marriage would make a decent amount of sense - they'd be from similar social backgrounds, and probably a reasonable match, if Hornblower's career had continued as expected. Hornblower feels comfortable around Maria at the start of their friendship and the very beginning of their marriage in a way that mirrors his comfort with the life he's living at that point - which is to say that he clearly knows and understands what's expected of him and how to interact, in clear contrast with later books. But on the other hand, for all that he originally does love Maria, Hornblower comes to find her to be coarse, unrefined, and boring, and feel that she is not good enough for the person he wants to become. It's at the point when he starts to feel that he's moved passed Maria that he begins to take on his new, ambitious, performative persona.

On the other hand, Hornblower feels stiff and uncomfortable around Barbara from the beginning of their relationship, notably for reasons of class, and even in later books, consistently sounds intimidated by her poise and upper-class untouchability. With Maria he doesn't feel enough for her; with Barbara he feels too much, an almost uncouth sentimentality. He craves Barbara's status like a man drowning, but can't hold up under the weight of what it would mean. They have very strong intellectual chemistry, but socially they are a disaster of a couple, and yet nonetheless, Hornblower continues with the marriage because it feels to him like the thing he ought to do, just as he ought to become squire of Smallbridge. He's so viscerally uncomfortable with his position in the later books in a way he wasn't even at the height of his earlier miseries, but he refuses to let himself admit that his ambitions might have led him astray.

I think it's also interesting that the relationship which Hornblower arguably finds the most fulfilling (or rather, it was written very poorly if Forester wanted to make it feel fulfilling for the reader, but nonetheless it was clearly meant to be the most fulfilling for Hornblower) is his relationship with Marie, who sits at a similar odd juncture to him. In the text, Forester says outright that Marie fulfills Hornblower's interest in upper-class women (ambition) while not intimidating him, yet still being a satisfying intellectual partner. Nonetheless, just as Marie and Hornblower can never actually end up together, Hornblower can never actually be comfortable with his position, and no matter how many times he tries to find solace in her, he is eventually forced to continue down the path that he began, making up with Barbara and fully taking up the mantle of Admiral and Peer of the Realm.

In short, I think that watching the way in which Hornblower's relationship with Maria evolves over the course of the early books and the way in which his relationship with Barbara takes up after that ends up being a very neat parallel to his own ambitions and class identity. With Maria he is at home, but bored and restless; with Barbara he gets everything that he wants, but feels like a fish out of water. I think that particular parallel is part of the particular tragedy of Hornblower - he can't ever be satisfied with the person he was, or the person he's become. But I think that adding in aspects of extreme class difference - even more class difference than the general trends of social mobility during this period - also helps to elucidate the fundamental tension which drives Hornblower forward as a character. The world he came from was too small for him; the world in which he moves now is far too big; but there's no in-between option. He has to choose what he wants to be, and sacrifice some part of himself in order to do that, and in light of this reading of him, I think that there's a lot of interesting dilemmas to be raised.

[shhheep]

ill share my flag backstory headcanon then 🫣

context infodumping to friends who arent in dd

[great-tusk]

Calming down from my involuntary cry sesh 💔💔💔.

[shallowseeker]

I love how Gwen is listening and watching. And it's a bit tragic how she allllmost goes with Sam and Dean here:

And I love how Campbells are still assumed stupid, even when they're "smart enough" to be needed/exploited by the so-called "smarter" ones.

///

Anyway Gwen.

In 6x07, I love how we get so many of her reactions. She's probably horrified about Christian getting possessed (she seemed closer tied to him familially-wise) and she's horrified by Samuel C's decision to work for a demon.

She had been kept a LOT in the dark, perhaps almost as much as Samuel kept Dean in the dark, because deep down, Gwen has opinions and would likely have objected to a lot of it.

Annnnd here we have the he classic, "Campbells are stupid-ish," charge. Samuel isn't "clever" or "book smart." When he knows things, it's assumed by virtue of experience.

An encyclopedia isn't active or synergistic intel. It's referential. Something to be used.

///

Love Gwen's face when she learns Sam has no soul. She's calculating the situation. Definitely not stupid:

Samuel's last memories are of letting his wife down, of being too weak to stop Azazel from getting in. Then, probably with Samuel screaming inside, Azazel killed his daughter's happiness, trapped her (eventually killed her, he now knows). He let Mary down. He wants to make up for that.

But in looking so backward, he's letting Gwen down. Whatever happened to Gwen, she's weak to orders from a father figure.

She looks to Dean, just once.

///

Samuel C. is the walking embodiment of a dude gambling away all his second chances.

He is so wholly focused on “never give up on my child.” Only after that, he thinks he’ll somehow somehow figure the rest out. (“We always do.”)

(how to have my cake and eat it too)

[solongshrimp]

Does anybody have pages 5-8 or 19-21 of pancaketiffy's Nautical Disaster anywhere? And does anyone know if the comic was ever continued past page 23? I wanna see if I can archive it somehow.

UPDATE: Did some more digging and found pages 19-21 (though two pages are labeled as page 21, which seems like an accident but they are two different pages, I'll have them listed in order,) as well as a 24th page. My guess is that that was the last page that was publicly released, but again, if anyone knows about pages past this point let me know.

So now all I need to find are pages 5-8, and any possible pages after 24.

UPDATE 2: Found page 7, so that leaves pages 5 and 8.

UPDATE 3: Alright, someone has graciously found the rest of the pages for me, I think this is it. Page 8 is under the Read More, couldn't find a specific reblog for it. I'll have another big update regarding some Pancaketiffy stuff later.

Pages I currently have:

Page 1 -- Page 2 -- Page 3 -- Page 4 -- Page 5 -- Page 6 -- Page 7 -- Page 8 (under Read More) -- Page 9 -- Page 10 -- Page 11 -- Page 12 -- Page 13 -- Page 14 -- Page 15 -- Page 16 -- Page 17 -- Page 18 -- Page 19 -- Page 20 -- Page 21 -- Page 21 (b) -- Page 22 -- Page 23 -- Page 24

Concept Art -- Sketches -- Cover Sketch -- Cover WIP

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

studying Philosophy is really like

you think this is going to help you understand the world and your place in it better,

but actually all it does is confuse and befuddle you farther than ever before

and also you make friends with the most annoying (read: great, smart, lovely, kind, but argumentative as ALL GET OUT) people in the world and then you realize you've BECOME one of those people and you kind of want to just curl up in a nice quiet little hole in the ground with all your books and read and think until a complete and total understanding of the world falls out of your noggin and everything makes sense; but actually you just want to take a walk in the woods with a friend and not think about anything for at least a year.

[ri-afan]

Me using my ex like a chess pin (fork? Simple block?) to avoid folks at the funeral is probably the weirdest part. (Not a perfect metaphor but my brains a little tired rn) Like ‘don’t make drama with me; remember this drama? Huh? Yeah, that’s what I thought: back up’.

Do I want to get back together with my ex? No. Didn’t even cross my mind.

Did we even split with drama? No. Not in my mind at least. I was way petty with the break up gift but it was a long time coming (and like… only 30% on me?). But I didn’t tell anyone about it personally so he had to let everyone know. Idk what he said but no ones brought it up with me and he moved on fine ig 🤷🏻‍♂️

But we were friends once and I know my ex is a relatively quiet griever so if I’m in my ex’s orbit it’s only expanding that introverted-griever-leave-me-alone vibe to keep people away. After being cornered by the coatrack by my mother I decided I would be anywhere else and it worked out well enough.

[edensgaia]

Tbh my feelings on the sunkissed breakup would be very different if the first instance of a betrayal/doing things behind each others back/not taking each other seriously started with the whole giving Bacon hearts thingy, but it didn't, the trust hasn't been totally there for a longer time than that

[thegeminisage]

sorry to boohoo whine woe is me but girl i am so sick to death of being hungry. every DAY you have to eat sometimes multiple times a day. and while i know how lucky i am that i have the means to acquire food my options are 1. eat junk food 2. go out of my house and spend 1 million dollars at some fast food chain i'm probably supposed to boycotting 3. remain hungry. and i have to make this decision multiple times a day!!!!!

[rebornofstars]

what if i did fan joy july again but with actual proper length fics this time. just like 5-7 or so

[akkivee]

i was watching some carrot cake baking youtube short and had the immense displeasure of having the hitoya living in my head suddenly chime ‘there are two things that i can’t stand; one: vegetables in a dessert—‘

and i’m now terrified that this might actually be a thing hitoya hates LMAO

[cdelphiki]

i just reread the last chapter I posted on Jason and the Three Terrors for the first time since posting. I usually reread my chapters 50+ times within the first 24 hours but this time I couldn't even look at it and I checked out entirely from the story. BUT. I just reread the chapter, and now I'm looking at my notes for the next chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to get my head back into it. I really was excited about where it was going, so I hope to get that back and get there soon!

[sysig]

I love you thiiiiiiiiiiis much! (Patreon)

[camellcat]

guh. playing wolfquest again with the new update out. started a new run with nakita and her husband stag, and obviously I clicked "regenerate family snapshot" thinking it would add the new litter alongside the old one bc duh ofc people are going to be having multiple litters with the same mate, won't they?

but no. it didn't. it just REPLACED my old family tree. it REPLACED NAKITA'S FIRST LITTER ????

this was almost cause for another meltdown. thankfully I just went back into an old save and fixed it, but holy hell. everything almost fell apart there for a second

like the new litter and all, but they're test run babies, made to die and move on about. they're not nakita's darling litter that I spent days of my life if trying to keep alive, okay?

[marshmellowtea]

the whole tma season five situation especially sucks because i do genuinely think that the first four seasons of tma were really good. they definitely had their flaws and they're certainly not above criticism but overall i felt it was a really good narrative and frankly it would've been perfectly fine if it ended there. season four's ending was an excellent accumulation of the horrors that had building up throughout the series, and i really do think it would've made a great and actually haunting ending if that's where the podcast left us, especially given the mess that was season five's ending.

given that, though, i do also think that season five wouldn't have been as bad as it was if it hadn't been so fucking long and it was instead treated as a coda to the story that had been building instead of being a bloated continuation that ruined most of the characters and turned j.onmartin into the weird abusive mess that the narrative (and fandom!) refused to acknowledge. unfortunately, tma was rusty quill's cash cow (still is i guess. ugh) and the season five we did get came along and made me so angry that i can't even think about touching those first seasons again without getting nauseous with rage lol. that's the real tragedy of the podcast, it failed in every possible way to follow up on the cathartic tragedy that was promised and instead just left us with something bland and infuriating and i still haven't forgiven it 🙄