#trying to get my footing back
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This, too, is yuri
#my prediction for this week is Cleo flustering Etho by being a menace#Cletho nation we win these#alek draws#trafficblr#trafficshipping#secret life#secret life smp#Cletho#Etho#Ethoslab#zombie cleo#zombiecleo#also sorry for my inconsistent artstyle lately I haven't drawn digitally in a while#trying to get my footing back
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i know it’s like years old at this point but i love that one collab mumbo and grian did with tommyinnit bc it’s like the single most concentrated example i’ve seen of mumbo’s Chaos Nullification Powers
you get to see a bit of it on hermitcraft, mostly via his interactions with grian, but until seeing that collab it didn’t really hit me just how completely mumbo can no-sell other people’s attempts to control a situation. tommyinnit is possibly the single shoutiest, most chaotic minecraft youtuber out there, and in most videos i’ve seen he pretty much overwhelms everyone else and sets the tone for interactions because of this. but mumbo just. doesn’t let him. no matter how much tommy escalates in intensity, mumbo reacts with *exactly* the same energy he always does. grian largely comes across in the whole video as annoyed and reluctant to engage with the whole thing, but mumbo’s not even affected. he just rolls with anything he finds funny and basically ignores anything he disapproves of, only seeming more and more unflappable the harder anyone tries to get a rise out of him.
AND imo, this is the key to my favorite interpretation of him as a character
see, when the people around him are being more reasonable/calm, i think mumbo often comes across as anxious and a bit easily overwhelmed. the thing is, his nervous wet cat vibes do not scale. he has one setting. his responses to the last life ‘ah-ha!’ jokes and to hermitcraft 8 starting to crumble to pieces under a falling moon are almost identical.
mumbo jumbo is inexorably and eternally Just Some Guy, but that gets stranger and stranger the weirder his surroundings become. the giggly incredulousness that makes him an easy target for goofy puns looks Very different when it’s also his reaction to the impending end of the world.
#anyway yeah i have this whole idea in my head about mumbo’s friendship with grian from a characterization standpoint#bc i agree with the somewhat? common consensus that being friends with mumbo has made grian softer and friendlier over time#but i don’t think it was in a ‘reflecting back the kindness he’s being shown’ way#i think it’s because the more harsh and chaotic you try to be towards mumbo the more you feel ineffectual and out of control#and grian can’t handle it so he slowly becomes nicer until he feels like they’re on equal footing again#like don’t get me wrong i think they genuinely are good friends#and i don’t think this is necessarily something mumbo is doing on purpose#but i think the power dynamic going on under the surface is much more bizarre and weighted in mumbo’s favor than it seems at first glance#mumbling
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the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh
#lucanis is being SO cringe with that line right out there in public and I would die for him. it's just such a weird thing to say#tbf if anyone in the world is used to the insane things lucanis says and would go 'yes yes lucanis waxing poetic about coffee#in ways normal people reserve for trying to get in someone's pants (the roast won't fuck you lucanis)#we've all heard it' like it's all normal I suppose it would be illario. and also he's too busy with the 'shit fuck shit he's not dead#he's not dead of the family members 'supposed' to be dead we're at two definite failures out of two and woe me if the twain should meet#if that IS a demon in there it sure talks exactly in the same bizarre way only my cousin does#does that mean anything what the fuck do I do who do I kill about this' internal monologue I guess#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I mean he does very much say that to a non-romancing rook too which only makes it all the more delightfully odd#is it a very lucaniscore way of testing the waters. is it just how he always talks about coffee. many plausible approaches here#no one forced him to bring up kisses and 'you should try it' out of the blue like that is all I'm saying. he could have acted normal#(theoretically)#i feel there are reasons to read some stuff into it lol#lucanis when rye says he prefers tea: it's so over cautious overture I don't quite understand myself yet gently rebuffed#lucanis when rye takes him up on the 'so what should a first kiss be' theme: oh we're so back!!!! wait. what. what do I do now#what is this#it's kind of really sweet that rook answers with their own playfully florid beverage based barely hidden metaphor at the end too#matching freaks and having fun with it#as far as lucanis is concerned rye's only true flaws are 1) prefers tea to coffee (oh well. no one can be perfect. cross-cultural love#can conquer all even in this) and 2) weird taste in interior design (did we really HAVE to bring your 15 foot tall corpse statues#with us home rook. I can understand a tasteful skull here and there but this seems excessive. well if it makes you happy I guess)
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I do love the duke Wyll trophy wife Astarion dynamic a lot but every time I play in that space I always wind up with this


#wyllstarion#wyll ravengard#astarion#bloodpact#bloodblade#bg3#baulders gate 3#astarion acunin#like i love this concept to much but they would go mac and dennis move to the suburbs about it#astarion also very much wants to stab cazadors friends but is holding back for wylls sake#as a politician wyll cant even be a little bitch to them either. hed loose it.#at some point wyll is only there due to stubbornness and a sense of duty and also to try and fix his relationship with ulder#and astarion has gone from “so all i have to do all day is look hot and love my husband and i get waited on hand and foot? this is perfect”#to “wait maybe my only worth here being that im fucking someone is not healthy for me huh”
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okay, so, as a hypothetical…
if i were to return to doing post cases BUT i didn’t do the long-form stories where i detail how i found the post, would that upset people?
so instead i would be doing like, a quick little thank you, maybe a little joke or two, and then the link. there’s a lot less personality in this method but it does make for a quicker turn around time, and i think maybe it’d be better for managing workload? and then stories can be saved for when the inspiration strikes instead of trying to force them into every case
idk maybe this is nonsense haha it’s all hypotheticals! nothing is set in stone yet i just want y’all’s thoughts!
#i really wanna come back omg#this is me trying to stick my foot back in the door of my office#we will get there maybe we’ll see!#hellsite detective#the detective’s shenanigans
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sorey for my absence :( im sick as a dog & my october canon event just transpired 💔 be back to our regular scheduled programming v soon !!

#hashtag speaking from the heart#b fletcher!#no but actually im sorry#ill just be working in silence for a little bit#also starting to try and get back 2 normal again w my stupid ankle#like just work#🙄#abyways all this to aay#im gonna be a lurkey turkey until furtjer notice#aka until my sinuses stop waging war and my foot starts picking up shifts again and some people get shot
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Read my Jonathan Harker wearily returns to twitter journal entry, boy

#it's been about 5 months of seeing how things go with no twitter#well unfortunately the results have been significantly lower shop traffic in that time#so#out of a resigned desperation and not wanting to shoot myself in the foot any longer.. i'm going back to copying posts over to there#i really gotta try to bring in any traffic i can get :[#i realize by staying on there i'm part of the problem but like#until it's not the social media du jour i feel pretty stuck having some kind of presence there#i'm just gonna post & run tho so i don't have to actually BE on twitter#i decided to at least have a little fun with my melodramatic return announcement tho#so at least there's that
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cried a little bit, feeling less overwhelmed and just generally ... numb and pessimistic now ... im sorry i keep doing this
#ganondoodles talks#personal#im gonna take a guess and say the root cause for alot of my mental problems rn is this loneliness#and fear of being completely left alone#its been building up more and more and togehter with the rest of the world stuff its been breaking me again#i dont know if i should keep deleting these posts or if that may seem weird too#im trying to get myself back together and not talk about it as much ... emphasis on trying...#im sorry this keeps being the place i do this on#it feels the most .. secure ... comfortable .. for some reason#though im probably just shooting myself in the foot
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met a really cool queer stranger today that i thought was just so fucking neat i wanted to talk but if we were playing tennis they were, with the most gentle and earnest voice ive ever heard, shoving the tennis racket down my throat. every compliment or joke i made was turned away but in the sweetest way possible that made me sound like an absolute asshole lunatic. it was so scary.
#i tried so hard to be funny and nice but the way they replied to each thing i said made me feel like a scumbag LOL#ive never had that happen before. im very polite when i talk to strangers and i was being very polite then too!#i dont think they even saw it happening in realtime bc they were so calm and even keeled about it#but my god. still thinking about it. absolutely rattled me.#'ur so cool' 'oh its not the olympics. everyones cool. ur cool too' 'haha ur right yet ur still winning' 'hm. its not a competition.'#i was trying to make you laugh im sORRY i was being goofy when i said that i promise i did not say it straight#'you have so many cool tattoos' 'oh ive got a couple tattoo artist friends' 'oh thats so cool. maybe i could get a foot in the door'#like obviously as a joke but they replied gently 'you shouldnt seek friends out just to get something from them.'#NO I KNOW I KNOW IM SORRY IT HAPPENS TO ME CONSTANTLY I KNOW TRUST ME#i panicked and was like 'oh haha no i wasnt serious dont worry. im an artist so i know the feeling.' but i guess it came across as like#yknow. bc they just went 'hm.' and pulled out their phone#FUMBLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so embarrassed#the worst part was id been talking to someone in the back who makes familiar plushies and shed set a few out#so i was talking to them while i was trying to pull up her insta to look up more info about one of the familiars#bc it looked SO FUCKING COOL and i stood there saying that to my husband right in front of them after this legendary fumble#finally pulled up the insta post for it and. they own that one. its theirs. they dressed it like that. i was so fucking embarrassed skdjfks#i wanted to look at the pricetag bc i assumed it was there bc she HADNT sold it yet#god. legendarily embarrassed.
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Hatobf holiday star spoilers below
I feel like, since most people relate to his depression and suicidal ideation, when people talk about kazuaki they mostly focus on that but. The everything else about his mental situation is so. Everything to me.
#fuzzy rambles#i do have to go to bed so im trying not to ramble#but like. the fact his reason for being unable to leave his apartment is so… common? mundane?#people tend to write characters like this as having had something like truly world shattering to them#so i found him so. refreshing and relatable for just. having a set back and being unable to recover again and find his footing#also i. i wish people talked about the trash more.#gooodddddd the trash is so real#like making an attempt to at least start bagging ur trash but not having the motivation to take it out#i wonder in the shrine world if he stays at hitoris not just cuz hitori lol but because he cant stand his apartment anymore#like the first time he went back after staying at hitoris for a while must have been so brutal#not just the smell but like. knowing that you allowed yourself to live in that. and that you let it get that bad#like. he didnt notice a dead body in the apartment over because he assumed it was the garbage in his room#i can not blame nanaki for turning hitori into a god figure like. truly#his anxiety is also so real but i do think ppl touch on this more#puts him in my mouth and shakes him like a dog with his prized squeaky toy#oh and still being in love with the person who gave you the gaping wound that is abandonment issues#tho again that one the people are discussing often
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Will never not be ironic to me that while many people want to romance the questionable videogame men* in our protagonists' heads, my relationships to them remain firmly
"Fuck off"
"Shut up"
And, last but not least,
"Get wrecked"
(when is it my turn to be happy suffering from angst)
#this post is for fun no actual hate to these characters okay??? don't piss on the poor#anyway my butches are tired. come back with a woman gamedevs#then I suspect I will gladly commit atrocities or sacrifice my life etc etc#datv spoilers#I am not tagging spoilers anymore but JUST IN CASE if this is still a spoiler for someone#the asterisk is there for the Emperor as per usual#altho as [redacted] I still count him as that#sigh you know one downside of how these games are doing sexuality is that it's impossible to put your foot down as a dyke.#Veilguard is okay 'cause nobody exactly flirts with you unless you show interest and Solas thankfully couldn't give less of a shit#about your love life#but Johnny and the Emperor...#guys you are in my fucking head you should KNOW me#Johnny why are you crudely accusing me of trying to jump River's dick#Emperor why are you-- okay you know what no that's fair he probably WOULD think that he got far enough into Tav's head#to be an exception or whatever#...see Johnny that's why you get the SHUT UP part.#edit: i think it's important to note that out of these three V and Johnny got along the best#not the highest relationship score no#but they're like annoying siblings in terms of dynamic by the end. sorta#unlike the other two where Tav and Rook had murder on their mind
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wip wednesday!! crowdsourcing for this fic i’m not writing… everything i have so far CAN feasibly exist within these two frameworks so i want to make y’all pick which direction to go <3
#me when i write. alternates of alternates of fics that don’t exist. also my own brain is swiss cheese#anyway i went back to the original dj harls tags and i had harls hockey player secret dj with wyjo normie#vs the most recent sets which evolved from color commentary where harls is a commsci major (still who never talks in class)#& wyjo is on the hockey team but still gets off on a bad foot with harls in class. the thing is that either is feasible to me so idk what#to write but i need to figure out which direction it should go bc it is uh. very big change. completely diff wyjo character here)#also i’m so serious when i say i’m not writing it 😭😭 i have like. five DJ intros but this fic feels like a 10k minimum it will be A While#the ACTUAL fic i am trying to write today is my very very late holy jumpin and my o1u#also i have been trying SO hard since somebody liked it to find the rest of the dj harls notes and for once I think they’re all in the doc??#not in the tags??? which means you guys don’t even know about dj harls commsci major…
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hey has anyone ever considered doing shinjiro smut for after the fade to black but he lays you across his lap, like has anyone ever considered the canon praise kink with him more—shinjiro who scolds you, calls you trouble and tells you to stay close to him like a "good girl", shinjiro who acts tough, pretends to be fed up with you pushing him around (he loves it, but that doesn't mean you're not gonna hear about it), ignoring what he wants, so two can play that game, and you think, god, he's not holding back anymore, he's going to kiss me, finally, we're going to— but no, he settles on his bed and pats his lap and tells you that you need to "take responsibility" for teasing him like that, messing with his feelings — "be a good girl." remember, you started this.
#shinjiro aragaki#suggestive#i also like the idea of asking him to do something and he outright scoffs like fully has an attitude about it#tries to remind you what he said about ignoring his needs and asks you what makes you think he's gonna pay attention to yours#you think you get to ask him anything? that's cute#i love playing into that though like i know everyone is all in on the 'i ain't holding back anymore bit' but sorry#man says 'you think you can just push me around? ignore what i want? yeah. well. two can play that game' in that VOICE too? whew boy#like i think he should get to do that a little bit i think he should put me over his lap until i behave#fuck i think it should be more than that though like imagine him lifting you and just. like. tossing you onto the bed.#trying to sass him about the noise and he's like 'you think i give a shit about those guys when i got you right here?' like#i want him to take the wind out of me ya feel i want to talk shit get bit#hit a little too but like open handed#or maybe he tosses you on the bed and you're like 'oh shit oh shit' and then he sits at the foot of it and fucking#PULLS you onto his lap and rucks up your skirt just like that and there are a few moments - a hitched breath#'under negotiated kink' i don't CAREEE that's part of the fantasy like how hot would it be to just have someone tick those boxes untold#either way whether he gets wild or not (preferably yes but maybe needs time to warm up)#it's like. god. he should get to y'know. like (some of) my autonomy being taken from me without him ever overstepping is hot. hot. hot.#he should bend me over his lap and make me keep count while he very tenderly very lovingly mocks me#condescending about the great leader letting herself be treated like this and enjoying it literally makes you turn around#and finally finally touches you properly but he fucking laughs and you're red-faced and he goes 'isn't that embarrassing' and ramps up#so you can't even answer him#god should i try to write this#i think i'm too much of a perfectionist to do this sometimes because i'll stew and never get it done ugh#anyway.#filth#pure filth#thank you#i think we outdid that suggestive tag#smut#(for safety)
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brain rot anon: i see your jaydick, i see your dickate, i see your jaykate… but are you ready for the throuple. dick/kate/jason. is the world ready for that level of chaos in one relationship? are their neighbors ready for that sex life? like i see your kate bishop’s boyfriends tag and i say okay but what if her boyfriends were also boyfriends? are these boys going to have to learn how to share 😂 but also come on jason you end up dating his exes anyway sooooooo
on GOD nonny i saw the notification for this on my phone and all it showed was "brain rot anon: i see your jaydick" and i KNEW what was coming, i am SCREECHING
Okokokokkokkkkkok jaydick seducing Kate? Jaykate seducing dick? (I don't see dickate seducing jason working I don't think jason would trust it) ak!jason my beloved???
(oh my GOD ak!jason would be such a possessive little freak over them; dick and kate EAT IT UP)
what a group of exceptionally terrifying people. the number of people who look at them and think Jason is the loose cannon (it's Dick it's absolutely Dick) and that Kate is kind of the middle/balance (she's not she is SO destructive) and is so many while Jason is actually planning cute ass date nights and wanting to stay in and cuddle and bake
(Cute date night idea: going to college bars and beating the shit out of people drugging drinks. Like honestly meet ugly. Dick and Jay are out doing this and Kate beats them to the punch (literally) and they get to know each other via shared hobbies TT)
Is the world ready for this chaos? So Clint and Cass (Cain) are very "yeah that tracks" about this relationship. Bruce is going insane. Damian attempts to give Kate a shovel talk and doesn't succeed because the last child-shaped chaos machine Kate dealt with was Loki (and also those kids she and Clint rescued with mind powers!) so it takes her forever to realize Damian is threatening her because that is just how The Youth express affection, right?
NO, absolutely NO ONE is ready for their sex life. At least one neighbor thinks they're filming porn. I cannot imagine living in an apartment next to them. They NEED a house but it's not practical with being vigilantes, city apartments are where it's at, but hOneStLy
I can't tell you how much furniture they break. It's a lot. They spring for a solid wood table after breaking three from Ikea. at least three sets of torn bedsheets, two broken bedside lamps--look Jay and Dick are very large men and all three of them are very strong if they're not paying attention or they've been apart for an extended period of time, there's going to be drywall with holes in it. Something's getting torn of the wall on accident. They are not getting their deposit back.
idk how they get together, so many delicious scenarios
Dick and Kate getting drinks together and deciding to break into one of Jason's safe houses and get MORE drunk. Literally all they're talking about is how great Jason is and how much they want to kiss him. Jason comes in all huffy to these two NERDS on his couch, melted all over each other, red-cheeked and giggly, obviously assumes they're flirting with each other and not him even with Kate telling him he's so pretty and Dick agrees
or or or the boys have been very MATURE and ADULT and are having conversations about both of them being into Kate and maybe both of them dating her when they have the misfortune to get dosed with some Ivy nonsense, NOT sex pollen but like incredibly high/drunk. they're doing some real dangerous shit in the batcave and refusing to listen to ANYone EVEN ALFRED, so Steph calls Kate, because Kate has been wrangling drunk adrenaline junkie superhero boys since she was 19, she's literally a pro at this.
Jason and Dick, btw, have been perched somewhere very high talking mostly about Kate (also how much Dick wants to snuggle with Haley and what they want to eat and how much they like each other) so when she comes in they listen to her and it has nothing to do with her ability to herd the inebriated. Jason and Dick are staring at her and agreeing to do whatever she asks. "Hawkeye did you know that if you mix blue and red you get purple. wow what a coincidence or something those are our colors!" followed by disturbingly intense stares.
at some point they wind up at her apartment (because she knows where all the weapons are and because the consensus was to keep them contained. The Manor is too much space for them to get lost in) after stopping to pick up Haley and there's just a pile of vigilantes, Lucky, Haley, Jeff the Land Shark, and a cat that Kate has acquired (the cat's name, I regret to inform you, is toad) and they REALLY want Kate to snuggle too but they don't want to pressure her but they REALLY WANNA touch her :(
one of them asks to hold her hand. one of them asks to play with her hair. the textures are SO GOOD. Jason and Dick zonk out in her bed and wind up all snuggled together which is very nice actually hmmmm Dick needs to rethink this potential relationship configuration but he is literally and figuratively flexible so it'll be fine. the biggest issue jaydick have in seducing Kate is getting her to realize that they ARE serious. Kate this is not a joke. she's a little mopey because she thinks the boys are just into each other. she's getting ready to go out and it's a whole thing with Jason going "you don't need to go out to find someone to wreck your shit, we are perfectly capable of doing that." (it's really romantic trust me)
More shenanigan-ery wanted? Kate falling for Dick Grayson and Hawkeye falling for Red Hood. (Kate does not have a long term plan here btw "bisexuality" is not a plan)
Anyway Red Hood hears about something Derek Bishop is planning that will have fallout for Kate, so of course he tells Dick and they try to set up a sting or something. which REALLY interferes with Kate's plans of catching her dad doing shady shit. At the end of the night the three of them are grouped together as a building burns behind them. Nightwing is being kinda proprietary about Kate which is weird because she's never worked with him and Kate keeps drifting into Red Hood's space which is weird because he knows Kate has never met him as Red Hood.
Jason suggests they regroup at one of his safe houses. The boys expect Kate to put up a fight about it but she's like "no I trust you" which is BEWILDERING, she has NO reason to trust Red Hood (that they know of ofc)
Obviously Dick is willing to let her know who he is and Jason is fine not doing that (why would he Anyway? Not his circus, not his clowns [ohohoohooo the irony] that's Dick's girl, he has nothing to do with that) and Jason is a little pissed that Hawkeye couldn't be bothered to help? He never asks her for anything. But maybe she's hurt? Shit, he's gotta get back out there, see if he can find her--
Now one of two things can happen.
Jason goes to text Hawkeye and Kate's phone dings (spiderman pointing meme)
OR
Chaos.
Clint barges into the safehouse, Deadpool in tow (with popcorn he is SO READY for what's about to go down that's why he helped Clint find the place) Clint VERY much Hawkeye attired and VERY UPSET that Kate decided to do this and didn't tell him???
Except she DID tell him she told him three whole days ago!!! OH MY GOD CLINT DID YOU HAVE YOUR EARS OFF
So Nightwing and Red Hood (and Deadpool) are watching this incredibly married fight (all of their fights are so married idk what to tell you they are platonic life partners) between Avenger Hawkeye and heiress Kate? Bishop? how do they know each other???
This goes on for longer than it should. Wade is getting bored. So he finishes chewing his popcorn and goes "Hey, Hawkeye!"
And both Clint and Kate turn to him and (in the same tone) go "WHAT?"
This is about the time Dick starts to bluescreen
Clint mentions something about how Captain America asked her not to do this kind of thing--
"A white Cap or a Black Cap?"
"Uhhh it was Steve?"
"Yeah I don't give a shit honestly he knows that, that's why he made me you."
Jason is buffering. Buffering. Buffering.
tbf Kate Bishop being a vigilante is not the thing that's tripping him up--I mean, Bruce--but that Kate Bishop is sort of into him? Actually really into him? Does that mean Kate is his girlfriend?
Which runs smack into "oh shit Kate is dating Dick."
(Kate is still blissfully unaware of her impending doom. She and Clint are still arguing about who she DOES listen to and it's NOT a man she pulled out of a dumpster last week, CLINTON. If Daredevil was here she would say the same thing to him! She would say the same thing to Moon Knight! To which Clint replies that he doesn't trust someone who gets HIT by CARS as much as she does--)
The stupidity of this argument has blunted the impact of Dick and Jason freaking out (Dick is recovering quickly his brain whirring at a million miles an hour thinking about all the times Jason has dated his exes and how he gets all flustered sometimes--)
Dick has taken his mask off. Jason has taken his helmet off and his mask. Kate and Clint have reached the part of arguing where they are like "I just worry abt you and love you ok" and hug and THEN
Kate sees the Boys, says "no" and just turns and walks out of the room.
it'll be fine she just needs to eat something. they'll have the serious conversations and it'll be great and wonderful and at some point Nightwing and Red Hood go beat the shit out of Derek Bishop :)
And like. GOD. these two boys, birds, who learned to fly through the night sky, giving Hawkeye wings. do you. do you see what I'm saying.
#kate bishop#hawkeye#dick grayson#jason todd#nightwing#red hood#dc brainrot anon#dc brainrot#jaydick#jaykate#dickate#jaydickate#? maybe idk#they're all sharing an apartment in a jaydick scenario#and they 'borrow' kate's bedsheets and have sex on them#they are disgusting#it's fine#they wash them before giving them back!#imagining them working a case together and taking cover in a closet#forced proximity my beloved#kate bishop is dick and jason's scary dog privilege#nightwing and red hood are hawkeye's#imagine whitney frost trying to get a foot in gotham#she says something about getting rid of the new bird in gotham#and all of the rogues are like *giant step back*#red hood from the shadows: what the fuck did you just say#oh my god this is so long#paddling my kayak
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My day job is an office job and I reached peak office job bullshit today because people were being catty about the printers.
#kay speaks#my assistant#was trying to get into a thing with me about the printers#the thing is#I given such little damns about what printer I use#i. do. not. care#I’m not getting into a thing with you about the ten foot walk to get to the back printer
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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