#trying to speedrun the healing process any%

[goldensunset]

ugh how long do i have to sleep how many fluids must i consume how warm and cozy do i have to be to unsick the sick

[phoenixyfriend]

Sugar, Spice, and a Heart to Entice

AKA: Jango Fett speedruns a romance with someone who should be his enemy. (It's okay. We know he makes bad choices.)

Note: Ahsoka uses the pseudonym "Ashla" in this fic. Warnings: slavery, references to drug use, crude sex jokes, undressing of an unconscious person (for medical reasons)

----

The girl that they shove into the chains next to him is... worrying.

(Well, probably a girl--he'll adjust later if it turns out he's wrong.)

She's not that much younger than him, he thinks. It's hard to tell, with the way her skin is taut over muscle and bone, too little water and too little sleep, and probably not enough food for whatever labor she's been doing. He's also, admittedly, not great at gauging ages in the first place, and certainly not for Togruta. Still, he thinks it's safe to say that they're close in age, and that she's probably younger than him.

She's lucky, by some measure. The spice ship is terrible, but it's probably better than the fate tog girls are usually subject to in this industry. They're hazardous conditions, and violent ones, but Jango's yet to see a slave here stripped of their clothing for anything other than a whipping.

He thinks it's probably a matter of money. That kind of violation lowers the profit margins, he imagines. Spice is more lucrative than anything, and pain is a better motivator than... well.

So she's lucky, by that measure, and that measure alone.

They clap her in bindings before he even sees her, even though she's unconscious, and bring her sometime in the night cycle. Jango doesn't have a lot of pity left in him, but some goes out to her. He won't say she's too young for this, because nobody is ever old enough for slavery, nor do slavers have any compunctions about selling babes in arms, but Jango would wager she's already led a hard life.

She's fairly covered, but what little is visible shows enough old battle wounds that he can't imagine she's stayed off of battlefields. He knows how to read a Togruta's markings for stress history, too, and hers tell a story. Her facial marks are thin and delicate, and he'd say they're certainly more complex than the average; the striation on her lekku and montrals is thin and jagged, like marble. It's pretty enough, but it's also a sign of the fact that her life has likely been anything but easy. Some of it might be genetics, and he hopes it is, but with the scars he can see... he doubts it's much.

"Keep that one alive," the overseer orders, eyes on Jango and hand gesturing at the tog girl.

He leaves.

Jango isn't sure what they're hoping to get out of putting her with him. The room is built for four, yes, but they usually don't try to have anyone share with Jango. Maybe they ran out of room, or just assumed Jango was the most likely to know field medicine, or just figured there wouldn't be any trouble until she woke.

As he gets closer, his confusion grows. The tog's got burns all over, ugly ones that aren't going to heal cleanly without bacta. They're going to get infected, as likely as not. He hasn't got much besides water in here, but the overseer's left behind a box of what looks like bandages. If he's lucky, there's burn cream in there.

(He's not lucky.)

He works slowly, careful of every movement. He builds up a story in his head as he does, based on the wounds he finds and what he starts to notice of the clothing. He can't see all the details, not in what little light he has, but there's plenty to notice.

He hadn't realized, with how dim it is, but most of what she's got on as an outer layer is hardened leather, real leather, not synth. There are attachment points for armor at the shoulders and hips, and he thinks he sees signs of wear for vambraces and greaves. She's no Mando'verde, not with how he can see that the fabric at her torso and upper legs is intended to stay light and flexible and uncovered, but the crafting of the leather layers is familiar. He thinks she might have contacts among Mando armorers.

She might even wear beskar, if she's impressed the right person.

The wounds are recent, and unfamiliar, and he thinks she was probably fought into chains, rather than bought in them. She's a captive, not a purchase, or maybe... maybe they just found an unconscious woman, and decided that she was worth keeping.

He thinks she lost a fight, or won but with great injuries, and just... stumbled off and collapsed. He gets the feeling no one on board the ship could have fought this woman, except for himself. It's not based on much, not until he can see her move, but he's got good instincts for that sort of thing.

Jango keeps his assessment of her torso quick and clinical, not even bothering to mentally apologize for stripping her bare. This is medical, and he's not a doctor, not even a field medic, but he's professional nonetheless. Even though there's nothing in the box but bandages, not even the burn cream he'd hoped for, he'd still rather know if there's a broken rib to worry about. He doesn't want to wait for her to wake up and then find out she's got a punctured lung, even if he can't do anything about it. He finds bruising, but... he thinks that if anything is broken, it's hairline at most.

Lucky, he thinks again, in the unluckiest situations.

She doesn't wake that cycle. It's all he can do to get some water in her, dripped into her mouth in a trickle, but it's something.

----

When the Togruta girl wakes up, it's sudden. Jango is wiping down her lekku with a wet cloth in hopes of staving off a fever, kneeling next to the bunk. She opens her eyes, stiffens with a sharp breath, and then twists off the bed. Before he's fully processed this, her legs are up and around his neck, and then he's being wrenched to the side and onto the filthy ground, cheek grinding down into the grit. He feels a bony knee press into his spine, and the growl of a predator.

"Where am I?" the tog girl demands.

"Spice ship," he says, and oh but this place has ruined him for fights; he's having trouble breathing from whatever she's done to him, and she doesn't even have the use of her hands. "Deep space. You're in the slave cells. Don't mess with the collar, it'll explode if you try to remove it."

"Spice refinery?" she repeats, sounding completely baffled. He gives her a second to process, but she blindsides him. "Someone got me in their hands and they went for spice slavery?"

"As opposed to..." he really hopes she gets off soon.

She doesn't answer him immediately, and he can't get a look at her face. He gets his arms out to the sides, plants them to the floor, and shoves back. She doesn't fall off, but she does slide to the side to sit on the floor.

The expression she's got is best described as 'shell-shocked,' he thinks.

"You don't know me," she says, faint and confused. He shakes his head; he's pretty sure he'd have recognized her if he'd known her at all, given the time he's spent cleaning her wounds and trying to keep her alive. She laughs, breathless and a tad hysterical. "You don't--fuck. You don't know me. That's... great. Okay. Okay, I can work with that. Don't know how they missed it, but okay."

"Bounty on your head?" he guesses.

She smiles, thin and unpleasant. "Something like that."

"Thought as much. You're built like a fighter." He intends it as a compliment, but he doesn't think she takes it as one.

"I've never had a choice otherwise," she says, and when she next looks around, it's to find a place to sit. She pushes herself up to the thin mattress of the cot behind her, and Jango mirrors her on the cot across the room. It's not his bed, technically, but it's not like there's anyone to complain. She frowns at him; it's not a rude look, he thinks, but an attempt to put something unfamiliar in place. "What legion were you with?"

He blinks at her. He's been part of an army, but never one that big. "Legion?"

"Were you with special forces?" she tries again. "Or--wait, did you even get off Kamino before--"

"I'm not whoever you think I am," he tells her. "None of that means anything to me. I know what a legion is, but I've never had reason to be part of one."

"But you're..." she trails off, brow furrowed. "I guess just a similar face, then."

"To who?"

"The clones?" she hazards, as if that clears anything at all up. "I have no idea where we are; maybe the war holos never made it out far enough for you to know what they looked like..."

"Which war?" he asks, because he feels like he'd probably have heard of a war that used clones, especially one that had enough holos spread around for this woman to expect him to know what the clones in question look like.

"The... the clone war," she says hesitantly. "With the Separatists?"

None of that means anything to him.

It must show in his face, because her brow furrows, and her eyes go wide in a way he doesn't like. He can't tell if her skin's losing color or anything, but he's pretty sure the curl at the tip of one lek is a sign of anxiety. He's not sure how to help, but part of him already decided he liked this woman, just on the suspicion that she was friendly to Mandalorians.

(It's been a solid year and a half since Jango has had anything approaching a friend. He may be, subconsciously, a little desperate.)

"What's your name?" she asks, voice pitching in discomfort, and tight as a garotte.

"Jango Fett."

She closes her eyes, clenches her jaw, and... he can't see, can't know if she's trembling, but he thinks she is. She lets her head fall back against the wall, and breathes in sharply. It's a shaky breath, and he doesn't like that much, either.

"Fuck," she repeats. "No wonder--fuck."

He gives her a few seconds, but she doesn't elaborate. He asks another question instead. "Do I get to know your name?"

Her eyes crack open, and then she sits up straight and looks him over. Her lips purse, and she comes to some decision, though he's at a loss for what. "Call me Ashla. She/her, if you'd rather stick to Basic."

Fake name. Alright. She mentioned a bounty, so it's probably about that.

"Well met, Ashla."

She laughs, empty and painful. She swears in a mix of Huttese and Mando'a, and a few languages he doesn't even recognize. The Core accent on her Mando'a is strong, but he thinks whoever taught her might have been from Concord Dawn.

"How old are you, if you don't--"

"I'm twenty-one," she says. He was right; she's only two years younger than him. "At least... fuck, okay. What's the date?"

He tells her, and she screws up her brow and mouths something to herself. He's not entirely sure what.

"How long ago was..." she trails off.

"Was what?"

She presses a hand over her eyes. "I don't know what year it is."

Ah. Well, he can help with that much. He tells her that, too.

Ashla drops her hand. She visibly mulls it over, eyes on the underside of the bunk above her. He has no idea what she's thinking.

"Why aren't there other people in this room?"

"Weak ones couldn't sleep because I'm 'too intimidating,' and the rest kept trying to throw their weight around." He shrugs at the look she points his way. "I'm not dumb enough to start a fight with a bomb around my neck, but I'm not letting someone knock me around so they can earn a reputation."

She purses her lips, but lets it lie. "You let me take you down, then?"

"You had the advantage of surprise," he says, and doesn't bother to list every other advantage. She's better fed than he is, has spent less time in spice-suffused air, was unconscious and resting while he was awake to keep an eye on her fever. He's got the feeling she already knows.

When she speaks again, it's low and in fluent Mando'a, heavily accented though it may be.

"You'd get out of here eventually," she tells him, eyes half shut. "But you'll get out faster with my help, Mand'alor."

His stomach twists.

----

"They are either very stupid, or very cheap," Ashla mutters a day later, when he's supposedly helping her change some bandages. It gives him the excuse of leaning in close.

"Probably the former," he says.

She grins, and then stiffens and hisses out a low breath as he pours some of the stolen whiskey over one of the burns. It's not a real disinfectant, but it's the best they've got at the moment. Jango still isn't sure how she managed to get it from the overseers without them noticing, but he's quickly gotten the gist that she's a fair shot sneakier than he is.

"What did they do?" he asks, and she huffs out a laugh.

"I need you to promise you won't try to kill me," she says, and he stills.

She seems to be waiting on his response. Great. "That's not an auspicious start, Ashla."

"Eh, I've survived more than my fair share of people trying to kill me. No offense, bro, but I could take you," she says.

She's probably right in their current circumstances. "Let's hear it."

"I left the Jedi Order when I was seventeen."

The whiskey bottle slips from his fingers.

An invisible hand catches it, and it settles quietly on the floor of their cell. No guards will come running. It's a damning sight, for him.

A Jedi.

A Jedi who--who left.

Jedi committed Galidraan, but she left three years before that, but she was--was--

She has her back to him, trusting.

Or just arrogant.

She phrased it that way on purpose, phrased it so he'd know she left before he--before--

"I was framed by my friend for a terrorist attack," she says, and he can't find his voice to tell her to stop talking. "And sentenced to death by a non-Jedi military tribunal for it. By the time they figured out I wasn't guilty, I'd already been kicked out."

He forces his hands to his knees, grips at the bones that are too close to the skin, and orders himself to breathe.

Ashla turns on the spot, blinks at him. "I'm telling you this because it's how we're going to get out."

"Your people killed mine."

"I wasn't a Jedi when Galidraan happened," she says. There's more she wants to say, he's sure, but she keeps the words locked behind her teeth. That might be a good thing.

"And I'm just supposed to trust you?"

"Only for long enough to get out of here," she tells him. She shrugs, easy as anything. She's done this before, maybe. "Trust me, I have plenty of reasons to hate you, too, but I'm a little more concerned about getting this ship taken into custody, and having all the slaves freed."

"And you can just... make that happen."

"I told you, they're either stupid or skint," she says, with that same disarming grin. "I had lightsabers on me, and they kept them on the ship. They haven't drugged me since I woke up. They put me in normal cuffs, Jango."

He hates the way his name sounds on her tongue.

He hates the fact that he sees her plan already.

"You don't even need me," he points out, resisting the urge to try to kill her here and now. He doesn't have his armor. He doesn't have weapons. He's good, but she's got the Force and thighs that can crush a bantha skull.

"I'm not exactly... legit," she admits with a grimace. "Once you're back in Mandalorian space, you at least have an identity. People that will give you a place to stay. A chain code."

"And you don't."

She smiles, brittle. "Give me a week to scope out what I need and get us out of here, and maybe I'll explain."

A week. Fine.

And once they're out of here, and he has a blaster and a meal and a good night's sleep, he'll handle her.

----

He hates the fact that he likes her, still. People had already noticed, even just one day in. The first time someone notices he's giving Ashla the cold shoulder in the workroom, they joke at him about her not putting out. He's known her one day, and they think--

He stops the thought in its tracks.

Jango doesn't start fights here, but he is tempted.

"Oh, he wouldn't dare," Ashla simpers, sweet as spun sugar. "I bite."

She smiles, every pearly white tooth on display. The fangs near glint in the light. She eyes the speaker, squeezes the tool in her hand. Her tendons strain, but the metal bends with a creak.

The overseer shouts for them to get back to work.

Jango steps closer to her, lets his elbows brush against hers, and glares off anyone that tries to get too close.

"I don't need protection," she mutters to him from the corner of her mouth.

"I keep my word," he replies, hating himself for it.

He said he'd have her back. He may hate what she is, but... she left the Order. She's not a Jedi anymore. If he thinks it enough, he can believe it.

----

There's always a camaraderie in shared suffering. Jango is aware of this, and he feels his fondness for Ashla grow against his better judgment. They're both slaves on a spice ship, and he can't change that. It makes him tolerate her more than he sensibly should.

She acts like a Mando soldier, sometimes. She's not at all like Haat Mando'ade, but she knows some of the jokes that Mandalorians grow up with. She walks like a woman used to beskar'gam. She knows a drinking song or two.

(They don't waste the whiskey. It's for injuries, not intoxication.)

"I had brothers, once," she tells him, late at night. "A lot of them. They had a Mandalorian parent, sort of, but he'd never seen fit to really... let them have the culture. I lost them all, mostly to slave chips, and a few to just normal deaths, but... I learned what I could about Mandalore, after, for their sake. In their memory."

It's not a terrible reason, he thinks.

"Irony for you to end up in chains, then," he mumbles, and she barks out a sharp laugh.

"Tradition, more like," she says, and explains before he can ask for her to keep talking. "My... teacher was born a slave, and I... have a suspicion he ended up back in chains after we lost contact. His teacher was enslaved at least twice that I know of."

"Shitty tradition," he says, because there's nothing else he can think of.

"Could be worse," she tells him. This time, she doesn't elaborate.

----

He likes her more than he should.

----

He likes her so, so, so much more than he should.

----

She steals datachips when nobody's looking, using the Force instead of her fingers. She wraps dismissal around her like a cloak to access computer terminals without anyone but Jango noticing. She slips spice into the drinks held by guards and overseers.

She moves through the ship like smoke, in the dim lights of the false night.

Someone notices. Someone always notices, in Jango's experience, but they have no idea who's doing it. They lock down the cells for the sleep cycle, turn down the temperature, leave all the slaves shivering in their beds.

He pulls Ashla into his cot without hesitation, fits their bodies together to conserve heat, and ignores the rest. They're both soldiers; there's no shame in survival for those like them. The lekku at her back drapes over his neck like a scarf, and he almost wants to laugh.

He's pathetic. His men would be so damn disappointed in him, sharing bunk with a Jedi.

"You're thinking too loud," she mumbles, shifting somehow closer. The chill clings, creeping in through the thin clothes and thinner blanket, but he feels like it's bearable with Ashla here.

----

When they enact the plan, it's so much quieter than Jango would have run it. Ashla holds his hands in the early morning, before anyone is awake, and smiles. When she closes her eyes, sinking into a light meditation, the collar around her neck just... comes apart. Nuts and bolts and curves of metal float about her like a wretched parody of the mobile hanging above an infant's crib, and then land quietly on the nearest cot. When she opens her eyes, hazy and distant, she looks at his throat, and frees him with a thought.

It's a heady thing, freedom.

"Come along, Fett," she goads, almost crooning the words, backing out of the cell with his hands in hers. Nobody is awake yet, or at least they shouldn't be. Her words curl in the air like something cloyingly too-sweet, and he's sure it's her way of trying to piss him off. It's only working a little. "We've work to do."

Said work involves slipping past guards with a Jedi's timing, commanding them to sleep with a whisper and a poke to the forehead, and drugging the ones that she claims are resistant to Jedi tricks. The work is, as such, mostly hers to do. They hide the bodies, but the alarm goes off by the time they get to the weapons locker.

That's fine, because the weapons locker is where they were headed.

"Oh, hell yes," she hisses through a grit-tooth grin, and a matched pair of lightsabers float to her. Jango turns off the energy field by the time they reach her, and she hooks them onto her belt. Beskar plating follows, exactly the pieces that Jango had guessed from wear and tear. It's real beskar, too, not even an alloy, and Jango doesn't ask the questions on the tip of his tongue. She straps it on in practiced movements, without hesitation and almost without thought.

"See anything better than what you got off the guards?" she asks him. "Or did they all take the best blasters for themselves?"

"The latter," he says.

(His eyes trace over the armor she wears, and while she does wear it well... he's jealous.)

(He misses his armor.)

(Envy is unbecoming of anyone, but he thinks he can be afforded a little leeway.)

There are people in the hall by the time they exit, a dozen blasters at the ready.

The people in the hall are... not a problem.

Ashla had called it the Sword and Shield maneuver, when walking him through her experiences working in a Mando/Jetii team. He'd laughed, because the saber was the shield. She'd smiled at him, and he'd cursed himself for it.

If he'd had his armor, they'd have been able to move forward as a pair of unstoppable monsters. As it stands, they're... still doing that, really, just a tad slower.

"You're a Jedi!" one of them shouts. "You're supposed to be diplomats! You're not supposed to kill!"

Jango could laugh at that horrible, horrible lie.

"I am no Jedi," Ashla says, and the words cut through the air like something she's said a million times, and will say a million more.

Jango could do a lot with that line, tucked away in his memories for later.

There's a moment, though, where they're stuck at one end of a hallway, and the door to the bridge is just on the other side, and Ashla grins at him, a challenge in every inch of her body, and asks, "You wanna see something cool?"

He can't help it.

"You planning to show off, Jedi?" He can say the word without flinching, and it's... absurd. It's absurd. What in all the hells is she doing to him?

(He's been told that war makes for strange bedfellows, but he's long known that trauma does the same.)

He takes cover when she moves, and oh, does she move.

Ashla's a whirlwind, dangerous as anything and beautiful in her careful, precise violence. She knocks people out, more often than not, but there's more then one dead body left in her wake. It appeals to something in him. She flips and twists and throws people with the Force. She slices and kicks, and smacks people across the face with the blasters she lifts of their comrades. She headbutts at least two people, and then jumps to bounce off the ceiling and back down so she can land feet first on an enemy.

He hopes he'll get his common sense back when he's had time to put himself together, because the sight of those sabers doesn't make him flinch. After all he's been through, after all his nightmares, it really should. The sound alone should have him shivery and shooting.

Maybe there's just too much spice in the air.

A head drops to the floor in a different direction from the body it had previously been attached to. Jango's throat goes dry in response.

When Ashla stands at the end of the hall, a saber in each hand and the floor behind her littered in both bodies breathing and bodies bereft of life, she looks back at him over her shoulder. She deactivates her swords, and smirks. She's smug, and she makes smug look very, very good.

"So," she says. "Verdict?"

Fuck.

----

The bridge is easy enough to handle. They land the ship on a Republic planet, one with relevant authorities and at least some reputation for actually handling things with a degree of kindness and transparency. Ashla does the talking, letting Jango lurk behind her. She lies.

"Half-truths," she later tells him, in a low voice. The smile she wears is amused and self-assured, just a twist at the corner, and the slightest of pouts. He can't see it, when she leans in to murmur in his ear. "I certainly used to be a Jedi. They don't need to know this wasn't an officially-sanctioned infiltration."

Her breath hits lightly against his ear, and he wants--he wants--

"Have a comm code for any old friends?" Ashla asks, stepping away. Her face twists unpleasantly. Frustration, he's sure. "I've got credits, but no contacts."

He eyes the little pack she's got around her waist. "Stole that from the slavers?"

"We'll consider it payment for services rendered," she tells him, with an impish grin Jango wants to kiss off of her face, because apparently he's kriffing suicidal and wants to bed a Jedi. "I'll give you most of it, if you want. Call it the two years of backpay they owed you."

He snorts before he can stop himself. "Just one year, sorry."

"Oh, it's hazard pay," she insists, blinking innocently. "Dangerous conditions having been what they were, of course."

She presses a comm--probably also stolen--and a few credits into his hand, then loops her arm through his. She sets off at a lazy walk, ignoring the people who stare at them with distaste and disgust. "We'll find a hotel. We'll shower, with real water, and fancy soaps, and a little sonic just for the clothes. I'll run out and get you a basic outfit, and then we can go shopping, and once that's done, and you've had a chance to comm a companion, we can reunite you with your buddies, and you can go hunting for your armor, and I'll split and--"

"Stay."

She tilts her head at him, though she doesn't stop walking, and he feels his face burn. He hopes it's not visible. She hums lowly. He can't learn anything from it. "You hate Jedi, though, and I might not really be one anymore, but I'm still more Jedi than not."

"You wear beskar and speak Mando'a," he says. "You helped the Mand'alor. You're halfway to being one of mine already."

"One of yours, huh?" she mutters, eyes somewhere distant. He doesn't know what it is that she's seeing, but he's gotten used to it. "Alright, let's have this conversation again after you've had some sleep and clothes and a good meal, yeah?"

He can take that compromise.

----

"What do you mean, you're from the future?!"

[lumpy-veev]

Your Ship in 5 Minutes — Byortis Edition!

The brainrot is strong. I have way too many thoughts, and in turn I will inflict it on you all.

All my thoughts below the cut!

The Checklist!

First to confess their feelings to the other: Mortis. Definitely Mortis. Neither of them like confronting their feelings, but Byron didn’t even realize he gay until he realized he was falling for the old fruit bat. He was perfectly content on letting his feelings sit and fizzle out (they wouldn't), but Mortis confessed first, and he realized “oh, hey... this is something I’m allowed to pursue.”

First to apologize after a fight: Honestly, this one’s a hard one. I think it depends on who started the fight, but sometimes tempers flare and people forget who, or what, started it. Byron’s stubborn, and Mortis is petty, but I feel like Byron’s the kind of person that would internalize everything, and slowly try to pretend that the fight never happened. Mortis, who’s actually been in a relationship before (hc he's amicable exes with Frank), would at some point swallow his pride and say something about it. Mortis would be the first one to verbally apologize.

The more popular/charismatic: Both of them are have enough confidence to channel into charisma, and that charisma, in the right crowd, can become popularity. They’re both super hammy, and definitely capable of being smooth-talking crowdpleasers.

The best caregiver when the other is sick: Byron spends most of his free time making potions and poisons. If Mortis ever got sick, he’d personally whip something up to speedrun the healing process. Extra kisses never hurt!

Does the cooking: Cooking is just non-toxic, non-lethal chemistry, and Byron’s got that down pat. Mortis does have, like, two specific recipes that he does for parties though!

Does the housework: If the Frank and Mortis video is anything to go by, Mortis is not a housework kinda guy. Byron’s fine with it, though, he likes keeping himself busy. But lately, Mortis has been making an effort to chip in more often.

Does most of the speaking: Neither of them need to be spoken for on a good day, and they’ll gladly speak for each other if need be.

The overprotective one: Mortis has been dead! He’s been down there and back! There isn’t much that can seriously hurt him anymore. But Byron is still alive and soft and human, and every time Mortis thinks about that something in his chest twinges painfully. (There’s also the possibility he might outlive Byron, and that’s just something he Does Not Think About). Mortis knows Byron is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but he's still gonna do whatever he can to make sure he doesn't lose any of the limited time they have together.

Designated driver: Mortis drives like an overconfident college student, and his passengers often fear for their lives (or unlives, if it applies). So for the sakes of the passengers and their peace of minds, Byron takes the wheel.

Has good penmanship: They both can and will write in unnecessarily fancy cursive if given the chance, and you can't change my mind.

Has more experience with relationships: Assuming this means romantic relationships, Mortis does. The closest thing Byron's ever had to a relationship was his parents trying to set him up with some rich noble's daughter when he was younger, and that was shot down real fast.

Sensitive to subtle changes in their partner: Byron’s really good at picking up on subtle changes in peoples’ demeanor. It’s partly what he picked from being a snake-oil salesman, but also partly the fact that the environment he grew up in required him to be able to know things. That’s not to say Mortis is completely dense, people often underestimate how perceptive he is because of how much he acts like a fruit, but sometimes he just misses things (or chooses to miss things).

The one who proposes: Byron really wanted to be the one who proposed because Mortis was the one who confessed. If asked he’d probably say something like “I kept him waiting for too long then, I’ll be damned if I keep him waiting again.” Obviously they talked about marriage beforehand, no one likes a surprise proposal, but Byron’s the one who pops the question.

The one who dies protecting the other: No question, they would die for each other. It depends on who was the one in danger, but both of them would lay their lives down if it meant the other would live. Kinda lessens the impact when they’re both Brawlers and “die” on a regular basis, but if it was the real deal, die-and-you-don’t-come-back kinda situation, no hesitation. You’d better finish the other one off quick though, because you do not just kill a Brawler’s s/o in front of them and expect to come out of that in one piece.

(Box Chart elaborations coming soon!)

[tg-headcanons]

How do kakuja work? Is there a specific way for the form to be chosen or is it random but still connected in some way to the kagune? Can the kakuja form be inherited (like a blueprint)?

THIS IS INTERESTING!

Kakuja, like regular kagune, form through a mix of purposeful formations, usage, and plain old genetics. Though unlike regular kagune, they have a wider range of functions.

First, we start off with the original type and the intake type. Kakuja is formed when a massive amount of rc cells from cannibalism are ingested, and due to how quickly they enter the bloodstream, can not be filtered down to manageable levels, thus the body is forced to create a second kakuhou. More often then not, this happens with different rc types then the natural one. A rinkaku would be more likely to form a Kakuja from eating a Koukaku then it would be for another Koukaku. Sometimes, though much less often due to the amount of rc they’d need to ingest, a ghoul can be made into a Kakuja with the same type of rc they already have, such as Kaneki forming a second rinkaku.

The kakuhou that forms will form in the spot corresponding to where it was on the eaten ghoul, and still contain much of that ghoul’s dna, so no matter how much control the cannibal has over it, it will always have characteristics of the eaten. It could be color, texture, general shape, it’s easier for the Kakuja to keep it as similar to the way it was when the original owner was alive because it takes effort to change it

That’s where natural and manual changes come in. It’s a massive shock to a ghoul to be growing a new organ. It’s painful, stressful, and can cause temporary brain fog and delusions due to lack of bloodflow, and their bodies need to get it under control. It will be adjusted to fit their size, respond to their brain signals, and while it’s being formed there’s a window of time where the ghoul has very little control over it, like we saw when Kaneki was growing his new rinkaku

While these adjustments are happening, it’s possible to make manual changes much the same way they did as children. Child ghouls who’s kagune have yet to harden can control their shape much better until it solidifies during puberty, kakuja pretty much speedrun the kagune lifecycle until it gets up to their age, and if the can fight past the pain, exhaustion, and lack of control the process gives them, they can control the shape it’s in when relaxed. Though unlike their natural kagune, they never completely settle into one shape and are able to be reshaped with some effort when in use

It’s normal for ghouls to respond to growing kakuja similarly to other members of their family. Some are predisposed to have spiked armor, some are predisposed to have branched tendrils. If Touka and ayato were to be come kakuja they’d have something similar to their father’s smooth armor, if Jason had children they’d likely have lumpy heavy half armor. We see that Yoshimura and Eto make this clear. Though they’re at different stages of kakujafication, they have clear similarities in structure

Kakuja adds a whole lot of biomass to the body and it can be utilized in new ways. Healing is faster, they gain unexpected weight from the kakuhou, and their natural kagune is altered. Normally different types of rc cells don’t bond, but once they cycle through the body a few times and become more and more a part of it, new tendrils, spikes, and armor is grown out of the old ones. Say a rinkaku eats a Koukaku, their previously smooth tendrils will gain sharp scales

The issues with newly formed kakuja can last awhile. As the body gets used to using and fighting with them, a big problem is blood flow. Most importantly, blood flow to the brain. Ghoul bodies are built to keep moving and keep fighting when threatened even if the ghoul isn’t thinking straight, and it makes them extremely dangerous to fight until they adapt to the new organ enough to stay lucid

There is a certain threshold of rc intake that will cause someone to form a kakuja. The more rc they’re born with the harder it is, since they don’t form a new kakuja until foreign rc cells reach 50% the amount of their natural rc cells. A chimera ghoul will have a higher kakuja threshold than a regular ghoul. A kakuja would have the highest threshold, making it very difficult for them to form another kakuja unless they’re going out of their way to cannibalize on purpose. A half ghoul will have the lowest threshold, making them able to form, maintain, and adapt to kakuja far more easily than any other. We see from Kaneki, Seidou, and Eto that they can form multiple kakuhous from cannibalizing in a short time, a thing Shinohara notes is unusual

An advanced form of kakuja is rare, and happens only when a ghoul has formed several kakuhous, has steady access to food, and simply has the ability in their dna. It’s very hard to reach, but at some point a handful of kakuja from complex limbs, structures, and organs from it. We see it first with Kaneki forming eyes on his kakuja, but The best example is Eto. With Complete limbs and a working eye and mouth, she can practically shapeshift into a monster, but it isn’t really her growing, just one extremely advanced organ that envelopes her.

Mutations are common in kagune already, even so more in kakuja. No two are exactly alike. Everything from diet to mental state to an illness they had as a kid can effect how it turns out, and it’s a gamble to try to form one

[fatesdeepdive]

Entry 10: Geneva Convention Speedrun

Before doing anything else, I built a Prison in the castle so I can test out Orochi’s personal skill. Birthright allows the player to replay old maps for EXP, so I tested it out on one of those maps. I had Orochi go up to a random enemy soldier and use her Capture ability, which knocked him out. When I got back to the castle, he was imprisoned. I had my most terrifying, intimidating soldier, Sakura, go into his cell and convince him to join us. She screamed a bunch like she was being murdered and then walked out with our new soldier: Kenshi the Oni Savage.

Kenshi

Why am I even doing a character profile on this guy? He’s a generic enemy I kidnapped. Whatever, he’s part of the team now. I shall treat him with love and respect.

Hey, minor thing that’s unrelated to anything that I feel like mentioning: the Geneva Conventions forbid forcing POWs to fight for you. Corrin is a war criminal. I mean, that isn’t big news, considering the fact that Sakura is by definition a child soldier, but still. So many war crimes.

Speaking of child soldiers, we got Hayato at the end of last chapter.

Hayato

Hayato is another Diviner and the son of Fuga, the buff dude we fought last chapter. His personal skill makes him fight better against higher level opponents, which is fitting for a character with an inferiority complex. Personality wise, he seems kinda rude about characters treating him like a kid, which is dumb because he is a kid. Maybe the game will do something with his wanderlust. Is it just me or does Hayato look a lot like Ricken from awakening? I mean, they aren’t identical like CERTAIN CHARACTERS, but they’re both short young mages wearing blue with red hair and brown eyes. It’s weird. Speaking of his design, I think Hayato’s is fine? It isn’t bad, it’s just kinda okay. Way too similar to Ricken’s though.

Support: Azama/Setsuna

C: Setsuna does chores and Azama sarcastically mocks her. Setsuna is too stupid to understand that he’s being a dick.

B: Setsuna tries cooking. She makes food that is unholy.

A: Setsuna, thanks to Azama’s sarcastic advice, goes into a zen state and creates the greatest meal Azama has ever had.

S: Setsuna proposes to Azama.

Review: A very shallow support line, admittedly. Setsuna’s incredible stupidity is amusing, but Azama comes off as a jerk and the two of them do not work as a couple.

Support: Kaze/Saizo

C: Kaze asks Saizo about his quest to avenge their murdered father, pointing out that Saizo is motivated solely by his desire for revenge and loyalty to Ryoma. Saizo hints that there may be something else fueling him before running off.

B: Kaze challenges his brother to a duel, under the condition that Saizo comes clean if Kaze wins. Saizo decides to just explain things to Kaze. Years ago, Saizo confronted the man who murdered their father but failed to kill him, losing his eye in the process. Saizo hid this fact for years out of shame.

A: Kaze apologizes for allowing Saizo to carry the burden of his revenge alone and vows to make amends, promising to become Saizo’s new eye.

S: This is a great support line that expands Saizo’s backstory, explaining his scars and grumpy mood, while also establishing a solid relationship between the ninja brothers.

Support: Hinoka/Sakura

C: Sakura, while watching her sister train, laments that she isn’t brave and tough like Hinoka.

B: Hinoka praises Sakura for her kindness, stating that their love for their family members is what they have in common.

A: Sakura and Hinoka decide to train each other. They hug.

Review: A sweet, but ultimately lacking support line. I do like Sakura’s feelings of inferiority and desire to have Hinoka be proud of her, but ultimately this support line is just the two of them explaining things we already knew.

Support: Corrin/Hayato

C: Hayato is sending charms back to the Wind Tribe. Corrin encourages him to send a letter with them. Hayato freaks out, because he’s never written a letter before.

B: Corrin helps Hayato write a letter, recommending that he tell his family that he isn’t scared of ghost stories any more. Hayato objects, and instead writes about his battle prowess. On Hayato’s suggestion, Corrin also decides to write a letter.

A: Hayato sends off his letter and Corrin gives him hers, which is filled with her gushing about how awesome he is and embarrasses him. Hayato decides to write an embarrassing letter for Corrin in response.

S: Hayato writes a letter about how cute Corrin is and how he’s in love with her. They get engaged.

Review: This support was...weird. It’s a “comedic” support, but it isn’t very funny. The letter writing concept is odd, but I suppose it makes sense for Hayato. I will say that this one flows into the S-Rank conversation better than most, but that’s about all that works.

Paralogue 1: Tragic Start

Fire Emblem games often feature side levels called Paralogues. Most of the Paralogues in Fates are linked to a specific route, so I’ll be doing them after their route is done. The exception is Paralogue 1, which is available for all three routes and will be done now.

The chapter opens by showing a herd of faceless destroying a small village and killing the mother of Mozu, one of the villagers. Team Corrin hears the screams and runs in to save the day. They find Mozu cowering in a thicket, hiding from the faceless. Corrin comforts her over the death of her family and Mozu decides to fight to avenge her family, joining the army.

Mozu

Mozu is our obligatory small child who can’t fight but has really good stat growths because of her personal skill. Like Donnel from awakening. Honestly, identical to Donnel from Awakening. To be fair, she does have some characterization about her being the sole survivor of her village, which might come up in supports. Her design is fine; a bit plain, but that works for her character. I am unnerved by how young she looks for a character in a game about soldiers and marriage, though.

The enemies in this chapter are fairly weak. I bolted Corrin over to Mozu with Subaki and recruited her. I decided to try and have Mozu kill as many faceless as possible, to avenge her dead family. Mozu can’t take a hit and does one damage, or zero in some cases, but it was doable. I positioned her next to Corrin, made sure to only fight one enemy at a time, had Hana weaken enemies with a kodachi, and healed Mozu constantly with Sakura. After thirty-three long turns, Mozu killed all of the faceless and reached level eight. Still, it was worth it. Those seven levels of high growths made her go from doing one damage per hit to doing five.

After the battle, Mozu is left wondering what to do with her life since, you know, everyone she ever knew is now a corpse. Corrin suggests she join the team, but only until they find a good home for her, because Mozu is a child and they are an army. Mozu decides to join their cause, despite having literally no idea what they’re fighting for.

So that’s another child soldier. God, child soldiers, forcing POWs to fight for you, invading Hoshido and killing border guards, killing enemy medics...Corrin’s speedrunning the geneva conventions.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Ep 31: Oh. It’s Just a Duel for a Whole Episode

Full disclosure: I’ve been...putting off this particular project--not burned out on Yugioh or anything--just been overwhelmed with other things that have been somewhat unavoidable. And then I was like “I need to do something for tomorrow Rach,” so I turned on today’s episode thinking “well...gonna be a week before I finish this one” and it was entirely a duel.

This is great for me! I don’t cover duels here!

And then I did it and let it just sit in my drafts for nearly a week. Ahhhh this year.

Normally I’d just put this combined with another post, especially since we’re SO CLOSE to finishing this season, and I want to finish it before 2020 ends. I want to have one single good thing come out of this year. (lol prior to 2020, I would have finished this well within a month, RIP my productivity)

So enjoy these...I think there’s...9 caps for this episode? Amazing.

First off, this was originally going to be the only cap for this episode.

Because I kept thinking, as I was scrubbing through, that Raphael lost. But then he just...kept going. He in fact never dies this episode. I was wrong. Wishful thinking. What actually happened was a little bit different.

Bro note (The wiki has Raphael listed as both Raphael and Rafael. The Yugioh style guide must be wild.)

First off, the crew are having just the time of their life cheering for Yami in this end of the world very terrifying situation. But this is sort of their zone all the time. Just like me every day of fire season.

I’mma fight you, Quarantine 15.

Currently losing, PS I am very much gaining 15 lbs. But at least I’ll have so many opportunities to do so many V-ups in the process.

(read more under the cut)

And also, this happened.

This voice actor just delivering the line “MAGICAL PIGEON!!!” As metal as he possibly can. This show. This show just goes 1000% ham and that’s what makes it Yugioh.

Magical freakin pigeon.

This episode was mostly Raphael being a total hypocrite.

And like...maybe Raphael’s just speedrunning. You gotta break game logic to speedrun. You gotta play fast before the world ends. That and like...he’s totally done this before, it’s just that this time, Raphael went hella evil to do it, vs every other time he’s done this.

...I’m pretty sure Raphael had a big hand in murdering Yugi and abducted Mr Hawkins for a full day but youknow...NOW he’s really evil. I guess...every other time he was only “slightly less than hella evil.”

That and he was protected by his mom-card that he worships, and when Pharaoh deleted it from the field, Raphael just went dark.

Which honestly--that’s some wild Yugioh religion just now. Worship this card, make it your Mom--it will protect you from the most evil spells. Even protect you from this insane Pharaoh King of Games. Damn. Imagine that?

Like, Imagine if Yugi had just worshiped a card, then he’d be totally solid right now. He’d be totally normal and not cursed and probably attending High School like a normal kid because cards can just DO that.

And like this is reaching, but like...are we saying Seto hasn’t worshiped that dragon wife this whole time? Like he’s not just worshiping that, he’s straight up shipping that, so like...is there just endless power with Dragon wife? So when’s Dragon wife finally going to protect him from going completely evil? Never, right?

Like...I barely remember...but Seto was never given the option to use Orichalcos right? So we never found out if the Dragon wife would have protected him from it’s all engrossing power. But assuming he had, would it have had a consequence because he loves his Dragon so freakin much?

Man, quarantine did a number to my brain, disregard that fanfiction I just thought up just now, I’m just trying to figure out...the Raphael canon here. He’s like...Seto problems of card obsession...but somehow weirder. I didn’t think it could get weirder but...It did?

Anyway, while Yami does what he can to not think about how much time Raphael just spends vibing out with his cards, Pharaoh remembers a conversation he had with Yugi. Well...not so much the conversation...

...as it was the massive fireball he shot at his better half.

So Yami realizes “Well if I destroyed Yugi to heal myself, then clearly I can destroy Raphael and heal him, too” which sure was a conclusion he drew!

So Yami decides to do what he does best, which is mind games that make you doubt your entire identity.

Like maybe he leveled up his fog when he visited Yugi in Hell--but Yami can do this now. Honestly I think he could have done this the whole time, but just lacked confidence without the Yugi half of him.

And Mokuba, witnessing this grand force of darkness and magic is like “NOT TOURNEY LEGAL OMG THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE NO SUBSCRIBERS” just like a true Kaiba.

I guess it gives them time to break out a snack pack for Mokuba while he mourns the fact he can’t record this or profit off of streaming it in some sort of way. And...maybe it’s time for them to put Joey down? Maybe take some nice photos from the sweet view off the side of this huge building? I mean you got Seto now and he’s got two selfie sticks for arms and no one is like “hell we can finally fit everyone into the group shot”? No?

Just gonna keep staring at that orb huh?

Straight up I haven’t seen any modern Yugioh, but I hope they do address game streaming at some point and I hope that they reveal that Mokuba would end up with his channel locked and banned like every other day for so many TOS violations. (And so would Joey Wheeler but for completely different reasons)

These kids have just...they’ve just seen so many evil orbs and are so over it.

Anyway, here’s a link to read these recaps in order if you just got here.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

And, my God, please vote.

[newtafterdark]

Taste of Metal - Chapter 10: Sweet Beans AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26157634/chapters/66411679 What if the overwhelming VR experience Gordon went through, had a deeper purpose than just being a simple simulation & a freelance debug job for him?But most importantly- what if Gordon Freeman listens to Metal & used to be in a band? aka. the “Metalhead Gordon AU”

- - The digital clock on the wall said 4:36 PM. 

 Gordon was laying on the futons in the living room, limbs lazily stretched out and staring at the ceiling. Most members of the Science Team were currently preparing dinner in the kitchen, supervised by Joshua.

 The past few days had been... certainly something. It felt like he had attempted speedrunning several different things at the same time because there was an unsettling feeling of time running out fast for something if he didn't. 

 He knew that was his anxiety. The feeling of too little time for anything, his thoughts running 88 miles per hour, sending him down rabbit holes of thoughts and worries. Especially, since his last job for Black Mesa had him mess up his medication schedule during his time in the simulation. He was slowly getting back to what he considered his personal normal state... and it was honestly a relief. 

 Gordon turned his head to the side, acknowledging Benrey, who was sitting beside him on a pillow, Gordon's injured arm gently laying on his open palms as he was applying a new layer of healing sweetvoice to it. 

His arm was significantly better now. Still sensitive to touch, but all in all healing. Though he had to admit that the scars that had been forming in the process were... unique. 

 The edge of where the mess started was more akin to what he had expected - lighter coloured slightly bumpy lines & patches where the skin had been damaged. 

 But the area where it had been an open wound? That's where it looked... unusual. It looked like a protective layer of flesh & skin had formed where it shouldn't have without a proper surgery. The skin there was just as light as the scarring on the edge... but it felt new. Sensitive. And a certain amount of weird because... well, this simply wasn't what a human body would do on its own during a healing process.

 Then again... his body had been getting help with the whole thing-

 Gordon closed his eyes and let out a soft hum, almost harmonizing with Benrey holding a steady note beside him, as the cool sweetvoice hit his arm. 

 He hadn't really had the time to ponder over the fact that he was sharing his apartment with several non-humans... but laying on a comfy futon, having to hold still and wait for Benrey to be done sweetvoicing at him - yeah, that sounded like a good time as any.

 Well, until he noticed that Benrey stopped singing. He opened one eye, seeing Benrey looking at him with a questioning look on his face, his head slightly tilted to the left.

 "Yo, you gonna space out on me with 'em big thoughts?", Benrey asked.

 Gordon chuckled at that. 

 "I told you once and I'll tell you again - your sweetvoice is good. Helpful and... just really relaxing. Helps my brain shut up about the painful shit and lets me focus on things I actually want to think about. Can't help it, my dude.", he said with a shrug and a soft smile.

 "Huh.", was all Benrey said, keeping eye contact with Gordon.

 The human in question blinked up at the guard.

 "If you want... I can tell you my thoughts while you do... uh... the healing thing? No need to reply to me, just... I don't know, me rambling for a bit?"

 Now it was Benrey's turn to blink - and to Gordon's surprise similarly to a lizard, an eye-lid-like part of eyes closing over them sideways.

 "... that's so fucking cool...", Gordon whispered in awe, staring at Benrey with wide eyes.

 "Whu- What?"

 "The thing your eyes do when you blink! I... I guess I was never close enough to actually notice it. It just looks cool, is all I'm saying."

 "W-Wow, Gordon Flirtman here trying to butter me up with the compliments?"

 Despite his quick retort, Benrey visibly turned a shade darker and averted his eyes, letting out a few pink orbs of sweetvoice before returning to the healing teal.

 Gordon let out an amused huff, resting his free arm behind his head and looking back at the ceiling.

 "Look, I just appreciate all the cool non-human things you and the others can do. I... I don't know how much of it was just part of the simulation and what you can do now that you're free again... but it's simply exciting to me!"

 He heard a slightly deeper-pitched tone coming from Benrey, somehow making him feel like it was okay to continue talking.

 "So many terrifying things crawled out of the Breach over the past years... all with the goal to destroy and to conquer. The Kaiju and every other creature related to them were all I had for reference for non-human beings for a long time. Aside from Joshua, of course, but you get what I mean."

 Benrey let out a few notes that sounded similar to a soft "Uh-huh". 

Gordon continued. 

 "But as scary as you guys think you are... and as you can be-"

 Gordon turned his head towards Benrey once more.

 "- Thank you for being you. Silly, obnoxious, chaotic and kind. And for showing me that not everything you can find beyond portals and in shady labs is something I should fear forever. That I needed to learn to listen and learn, again. To understand. To actually be the kind of scientist I always wanted to be."

 They sat there for a while, Benrey laser-focused on Gordon's arm, a few stray orbs of sweetvoice remaining in the air between them as he eventually closed his mouth.

 "I did a good... thing? By being- uh, me?", Benrey eventually stuttered out, still gently holding Gordon's arm in his hands. 

 Gordon nodded.

 "No one told you to apologize to me after everything - even when I told you not to worry- but you did so anyway and on your own accord. Not to mention you are actively helping me heal physically since the moment you guys found me."

 He reached over, resting his hand on Benrey's knee.

 "You may not be human, Benrey... but you are a person who tries to make up for the things they fucked up. And that's a good thing, in my book."

 Benrey's brows were furrowed as he slowly nodded.

 "I'm.... n-not a bad guy? All the time?"

 "You're a menace with Gremlin energy at worst, at this point."

 That made Benrey snort, Gordon laughing softly in return. 

 "Uh, feed me snacks 24/7 and I'll be the greatest cool!", Benrey added with a grin.

 "That's not how Gremlins work!", Gordon wheezed, moving his hand and pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to keep himself from breaking out into loud laughter.

 "Only got the energy, bro. Am not small or fuzzy... right now."

 Gordon slowly sat up, intrigued by the implications of those last two words. He opted to sit cross-legged, radiating curiosity and excitement as his hand was drumming away on his thigh.

 "Shapeshifting... Shapeshifting!! Okay, okay! Tell me when I get too personal with my questions but... uh... you can change your appearance not just in size? Holy shit man, that's... that's WILD!"

 Benrey stared at Gordon with wide eyes for a second, taken off-guard by the man's excitement for his more out-there powers. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously - something he had observed Gordon doing sometimes and added to his own mannerisms. 

 "Yeah, uh, character creation ain't perma-locked. Can access that anytime I want. Makes me tired when I do it too much... but it's cool.", he said, then looking somewhat unsure- "Would you... be a big cool with me doing that? Around here? SMALL WAYS! N-No big Benny. Just... feel comfy here. To do that, I mean."

 Gordon smiled at that, reaching over to place a hand on Benrey's shoulder. 

 "Dude, as long as you don't go full horror and accidentally scare the shit out of any of us, go ahead. I don't know... what you have in mind with "small ways"... but I am curious, so... go ham."

 "You sure? Is right now okay?"

 "Uh... if you want, yeah!"

 Gordon was about to remove his hand to give Benrey some space, but within the blink of an eye Benrey's hands looked... almost paw-like. His fingertips ended in dull claws, while the skin on his hands had a slight gradient to them, reminding Gordon of the ever-present shadow on Benrey's face. He let out a soft gasp-

 "Holy SHIT?!- Let me see?? Can I touch them?"

 "Huh? Ain't nothing fancy, but sure."

 Gordon mirrored Benrey's previous gentleness with his arm as he now carefully took one of Benrey's hands (paws?) in his own.

 "Wow...", Gordon breathed, slowly turning it over-

"HOLY FUCK YOU HAVE BEANS????? PAW BEANS?"

 Benrey let out a crackle at that but nodded. 

 "Sometimes, 'cause it makes stuff easier. Climbing and holding shit and all that. Got that perfect gamer grip."

 "..."

 Benrey tilted his head at Gordon's sudden silence. 

 "Uh... ?"

 Gordon looked up from staring at Benrey's hand, the biggest smirk on his face. 

 "So... you got paw beans."

 "Y-Yeah?"

 "Which means you also have toe beans-"

 "What you talking about Feetm-"

 "Beanrey."

 "Wha-"

 "BEANREY!"

 "NO!", Benrey exclaimed through already starting to laugh, as Gordon fell back on the futon wheezing, barely managing out a "YES!" in reply.

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 98

[Date: 19/03, 06:01 AM GMT - 19/03, 06:50 AM GMT]

[CW for unethical floral experimentation, injury mention]

kateza affectionate: “mona, don't be so hard on yourself, ok?”

Maxwell: “....i....think we should tell her about the other stuff

mona”

Little-K1ng: “............theres more????”

Marcus: “.........heh”

Little-K1ng: “uh. heh?”

Maxwell: “I saw syds observation post from yesterday...it had a scrrenshot of something I said, and jack and them told me thats what you didnt want me seeing yesterday....”

Marcus: “Oh that

....yeah”

Little-K1ng: “O_O

uh..........................................................”

Marcus: “...that’s kind of what the argument was about”

Little-K1ng: “,,,,,,,,,,,,um

oh fuck. i

max...”

Maxwell: “im not upset”

Little-K1ng: “i just...”

Maxwell: “i took some time”

Little-K1ng: “you're... not?”

Maxwell: “and i get why you did it

yeah

but”

kateza affectionate: “you're in an unprecedented situation. a situation that keeps getting worse and worse with seemingly no reprieve. I don't blame you for slipping up here and there- there's so much stress involved that it's almost expected for you to be upset. i don't think anyone blames you for doing these things. that's all i wanted to say.”

Maxwell: “its gotten worse

baroness has images of more times where i've slipped up

at least twice during my argument with her”

Little-K1ng: “oh christ”

Maxwell: “and then I switched back to ender for certain words....”

Little-K1ng: “i.....”

Maxwell: “and....i sent prince an ask on faer blog....”

Little-K1ng: “you... did?”

Maxwell: “saying i was sorry for upsetting faem and i hoped i could see faem again soon”

Little-K1ng: “oh no oh no

oh max....”

Maxwell: “fae said "see you soon, page"”

Marcus: “...max signed the ask as page as well”

Maxwell: “no no

the was the second one”

Marcus: “..there was one before??”

Maxwell: “after he answered the first one i closed my eyes to breath”

Little-K1ng: “how can i be getting worse so much faster....”

Marcus: “.....I don’t...remember”

Little-K1ng: “unless...”

Marcus: “...huh”

Little-K1ng: “oh fucking christ no non on ono nonon ono nonono.....”

Maxwell: “and when I opened them like three minutes had passed and I had sent an ask as page apparently”

Little-K1ng: “did..... did crown do something? did he get in? did he get in when i left the door open??? and make it worse???????”

Marcus: “...I don’t

...max i don’t remember you sending an ask

Only page”

Little-K1ng: “is it my fault? did... did i do that? did i really.... i..... left you vulnerable....... i....”

Maxwell: “no it isnt your fault”

Little-K1ng: “i just....... this doesnt.... this doesnt hurt me nearly as much as it should.... im not... im still not upset..?”

Marcus: “Mona, Crown didn’t come in...I would’ve seen him. It’s not your fault”

kateza affectionate: “this isn't your fault mona

you're probably emotionally tired”

Little-K1ng: “but i just... i still just feel empty about it. i feel fully justified about this and i know i fucked up but im not hurt”

Raeva: “oh...”

Maxwell: “uh....I have marigold tea if you want some”

Little-K1ng: “i cant even fucking apologize right”

Marcus: “You didn’t mess up

...max what”

kateza affectionate: “you're emotionally burnt out, Mona. This is a bad situation”

Little-K1ng: “wh. where did you get marigolds?”

Maxwell: “oH

uH”

Marcus: “max”

Little-K1ng: “....;max????”

Maxwell: “hm.....well....

Little-K1ng: “max i dont have any tea except dandelion root

you're 16 you dont have money or a car

where the fuck,????”

Maxwell: “fetch was hurt....and i wanted to make sure I could help him tomorrow if he came back home tomorrow”

Marcus: “.....arent the flowers on your laurel...”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “max you didnt”

Little-K1ng: “mAaAaAaX??!!!!

what the HELL”

Marcus: “Don’t yell at him!”

Little-K1ng: “ahhhhh??????????????

im ??? not yelling on purpose im just????????

what the hell ??????”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help and it works?!”

Marcus: “you tested it???”

Maxwell: “yes”

Little-K1ng: “thats such a silly idea max of course it worked??? magic is like that sometimes??? but why would you have even thought about it ?????????”

Marcus: “max”

Maxwell: “i...”

Little-K1ng: “thats so silly how did it taste wh”

Maxwell: “i knew marigolds have the ability to help heal wounds...they can help speed up the process sometimes by a couple of days”

Marcus: “Are you okay??”

Maxwell: “they can help with blood flow”

Marcus: “Which ones did you cut off? Did you only cut one?”

Little-K1ng: “are you???? ok max first of all. heavy metal poisoning speedrunning. nice one. but also. dude cmon they double when you do that”

Maxwell: “and can sometimes even be used to treat infections...

i only cut one but it workss”

Little-K1ng: “one flower for how much ??”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “like. did the water change color? bubble strangely? make fucked up ender noises at you??”

Maxwell: “i got a scrape on my arm when I was pacing outside waiting for fetch and I dipped a paper towel in it and put it on the wound”

Little-K1ng: “god maybe i am emotionally exhausted”

Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”

Marcus: “...I kinda hope it made ender noises that would be funny”

[Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”]

Little-K1ng: “hUH”

Maxwell: “it healed the wound faster than normal

not completely but enough”

Little-K1ng: “oh you better hope you dont do that too much and find out once your laurel wilts the wounds just open wtf”

Marcus: “I don’t think normal marigolds do that”

Little-K1ng: “thats like. supremely fucked dude??? thats weird.”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “...interesting”

Little-K1ng: “if you only used one did you??? just use the one i cut?”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help fetch

no the...one you cut was a bud

i needed one with petals that was bloomed...”

Marcus: “Y’know Max, I don’t think anyone else would’ve tried that”

Maxwell: “also the bud hasnt wilted despite being cut off a day ago...

but yeah i needed petals”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “i tried to take em off when it was on my head but it felt like I was pulling out my hair so i stopped and just....”

Little-K1ng: “no, i understand the need. i get it. i want to help fetch too and honestly? i would have done the same”

Maxwell: “took a whole one”

Marcus: “...are you okay?

How did that not wake me up”

Little-K1ng: “im. i just. i feel so screwed up about this whole thing.”

Maxwell: “i didnt yell”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “i numbed it with ice and grabbed the scissors

fetch wasnt happy when i told him”

Little-K1ng: “well of course not”

Maxwell: “jack saw it as an experiment”

Marcus: “...you talked to fetch?

Like directly?”

Little-K1ng: “you told him???”

Maxwell: “no he was messaging her”

Little-K1ng: “i dont even tell him when i hide a pill in some cheese for him

wait dont tell him that i said that”

Marcus: “I thought he just gave an update and that’s how you knew about stuff”

Maxwell: “to let us know he wouldnt be home tonight

yeah and i said i knew a way to help heal him”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “he...knew i was gonna do something I shouldnt have

theres still quite a bit left”

Marcus: “....i can see why he would think that”

Maxwell: “it's in a bowl....

....you can use some if you need it”

Little-K1ng: “...........ok. would it be weird. if i drank it

like a little bit

maybe itll?? pick up my mood or something”

Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”

Maxwell: “i dont know if it works for moods”

Little-K1ng: “god i WISH”

Maxwell: “uh give me a sec”

[Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”]

Little-K1ng: “MARCUS IF IT DOES THAT IM GIVING YOU TWO THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE”

Maxwell: “you could try but as far as i remember it wont work

it works for wounds and inflammatory stuff”

Little-K1ng: “damn”

Marcus: “Why would you give it to me-”

Little-K1ng: “yeah ill be honest i maybe do not want the weird rat juice . at least not right now”

Maxwell: “its...flower

i put the petals in a pot and boiled em”

Little-K1ng: “Brain Flower of the Rat is not exactly the most appealing tea flavor, max. with all due respect”

Maxwell: “then i strained them”

Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”

Maxwell: “actually tastes slightly like normal water...

if anything slightly sweet

jack said it might taste like rose water”

[Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”]

Little-K1ng: “sick new lacroix flavor”

[Maxwell: “jack said it might taste like rose water”]

Little-K1ng: “.....rose water?”

Maxwell: “yeah you boil the roses then strain em into a bowl

like i did with the marigolds”

Little-K1ng: “i like rose water... :/ guess maybe i do want the fucked up rat brain plant water”

Maxwell: “you could try some its not like I cant make more”

Little-K1ng: “....hm !!! dont like that

do not make more rat water”

Maxwell: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i will try some but do not make more”

Marcus: “...please stop calling it rat water?”

Little-K1ng: “marcus?? do you want to try some (Patent Pending) Maxwell Ratatouille's Funky Fresh Brain Tea™️?”

Maxwell: “....

im too tired for this shit”

Little-K1ng: “im coping max.”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “ fair”

Marcus: “I don’t have any injuries?”

Maxwell: “im.....i might go to sleep soon....

who?”

Marcus: “Who?”

Little-K1ng: “we dont have injuries

basically

okay so uh?? bottoms up i guess”

sip sip

sip

Marcus: “..oh wait

My elbow?

Does it work on old injuries?”

Little-K1ng: “uh. hm

it tastes good?”

Maxwell: “oh yeah its burned! it wont get rid of the injury but it might help with any lingering pain?”

Little-K1ng: “it tastes nice actually, the rose water thing was actually accurate

........................................huh

wtf”

kateza affectionate: “I’m gonna head to bed. Stay safe y’all. Much love /p”

Little-K1ng: “gn Kate !

uh

hm. okay”

Maxwell: “hm?”

Marcus: “What Mona?”

Little-K1ng: “so. i may have forgotten to mention out loud to yall but i have some pretty bad joint pain

like, typically, its a mid level pain all the time

and its jsut? less

less pain

thats nice”

Maxwell: “told ya it works!”

Little-K1ng: “it.... does !

dont make more though

ill enjoy this for as long as it lasts but for gods sake max dont pick the laurel for tea”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more rat juice max”

Little-K1ng: “gonna do a rat juice high five marcus

try it??”

Marcus: “I’ll..try just applying it to my elbow”

Little-K1ng: “something something dab joke”

Marcus: “Man you really are tired huh?

Little-K1ng: “i am so tired

work was hard

and i came home, expecting like, the remnants of a fight”

Marcus: “Okay- oh”

Little-K1ng: “only to realize that like, just about every problem for the last 2 days are probably entirely my fault”

Marcus: “Mona”

Little-K1ng: “and i dont actually have it in me to think i actually did anything wrong and i keep getting angry and snapping at people who dont deserve it”

Marcus: “Mona it’s fine

I promise”

Little-K1ng: “<:(”

Maxwell: “you okay marcus”

Little-K1ng: “^this is an incredibly forced frown. again, i dont feel bad”

Maxwell: “the water didnt hurt you right?”

Marcus: “Huh?

Oh

No it’s quite soothing actually”

Little-K1ng: “yeah weird right ??”

Marcus: “A bit”

Little-K1ng: “i WILL physically fight you max if you try to make more though

i will get mad. dont”

Maxwell: “....sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i mean dont be sorry for trying it, that was a good idea

but you've done it once, thats enough”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more max”

Little-K1ng: “for safety reasons”

Marcus: “Yeah”

Little-K1ng: “i dont know how easily those stems get infected

and with how deep they run i really dont want you to find out

i already endangered you all this far, please dont help me do that

guys... you both look so tired”

Maxwell: “you wont endagenr us its fein”

Little-K1ng: “maybe you should go to bed”

Maxwell: “im fien”

Little-K1ng: “sounds like it ,':)

head to the tulips, dormouse :)!”

Maxwell: “fuckign what”

Maxwell: “awwwww i love emas”

Little-K1ng: “do you guys want to sleep in the living room? my bed is pretty huge”

Maxwell: “oh iv emafe a neast on the fllor”

Little-K1ng: “oh perfect, and it looks like marcus is already asleep :) thats okay!! goodnight you guys”

Maxwell: “nihgtn”

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

1. I am an INTP 5w6 female and I want to know how to meet new people, it didn't bother me before but I had a boyfriend.of 1.5years and I now miss having someone in my life, don't remember exactly what I wrote but I thought I had made a good choice and was really hopeful about that relationship and I tried hard to make it work but I couldn't deal with his bs anymore, I did for a while cause I thought he was worth it, I've been trying to build deeper relationships but didn't care before so imbehnd

2. My ex wasn't extremely manipulative but he lied and hid things from me and got angry when I complained when his stories made no sense, I left We knew each other for so long and I couldn't deal with him not apologizing for his bs and blaming me for what he was doing, I just couldn't justify the relationship even if I still loved him This lead me to believe my strategy was wrong since I thought I knew him and that he was more mature than that, no matter how high the filter this could happen..

3. It's just so disappointing, you know? That people can be such assholes after managing to present themselves as the opposite of that for so long I've never really had close friendships except for my ex, and a few friends (I guess?) I didn't care much for this before since I'm alright on my own, but I found that I really liked having someone, so I'm trying to meet new people now that I'm more or less healing, but idk how to do it, acquaintances used to fall in my lap before but not anymore

4. I'm 23 yo, about to get my degree. I do have a crush on a classmate but when I try to picture us going out it feels awkward and weird since I don't know him very well, I need to know people well before considering dating... I'm just very lost and I feel kind of behind from everyone else since I'm super inexperienced (only that one bf, and it was long distance...) and idk how to correct that at this point. I've been dressing better so people treat me better (haven't noticed, makes sense tho)

5. People do seem to like me well enough but I guess everyone already has their group of friends and is too busy to invite me places often enough that I become part of the core group, but I'm getting there, a bit (I think) I've been going everywhere I've been invited with my classmates lately but they don't really bring anyone new, I've managed to be a step up from acquaintance with a girl friend, which is nice, with older friends the same thing happens, even if we come across their friends...

6. I've always had a hard time fitting in very well, romantically I'd love to have someone at a similar experience level because I feel like I missed out on being a crucial relationship for the other person, but my ex had several gfs before and I didn't care too much then but now I do because afterwards certain things made me feel bad, but I guess I could manage anyway.I also get paranoid when I read what other bs some people manage to do like marrying someone but loving their bestfriend instead

7. I apologize for making it so long but I thought it'd be necessary to give a bit of info on myself and my thoughts, my age, what I've been trying etc I just wanna meet good people at this point in my life and want some tips on how to do that without taking extremely long only for them to be assholes anyways... I think I've managed to make some more acquaintances but I've only clicked with two girls I talk to outside of the classroom when we're not hanging out, gonna focus on them rn-----------------------

(very long response ahead)

I know this is not what you asked nor is it necessarily going to be helpful or relevant but: I would strongly rethink your type. Ti-doms and 5s are both vanishingly unlikely to drop seven asks worth of highly personal and emotionally open information in the inboxes of total strangers.

With regards to the actual question, this is really not an MBTI question (more on this at the end) and not entirely something I’d consider myself an expert on. I very much hope I am not the only person you can go to on this because I personally wouldn’t want me to be my only source of advice on this. With those caveats, see below.

I think Tumblr (and to be fair some forms of media) portray friendships and relationships as an attraction at first sight/immediate connection.

This is fucking stupid.

Because I tie everything back to my personal soapbox causes: this is why I have such disdain for the anti-small talk crowd, or people who think they’re special because they crave a deep, below-the-surface human connection. Nearly everyone wants deep connection. It’s normal and healthy. It’s also an ongoing process that nearly always involves some period of time during which you and the other potential friend are awkward acquaintances who don’t entirely understand each other and have to talk about surface-level things. You can’t speedrun intimacy.

This is particularly true in adulthood. Children do make friends more quickly, but also children are weird and fickle and a friendship can be based on little more than sharing crayons (not to knock that, plenty of great friendships started that way) while adults have a much better sense of who they are and also typically a much more narrow definition of who they want as a friend and all kinds of emotional baggage to boot.

Essentially, if you want a friendship that matches the depth of a relationship of 1.5 years it’s probably going to take close to 1.5 years to get there, and from what you said you’d known each other even longer before the romantic relationship, so add that time too. Which might not be what you want to hear, but it’s important to manage the expectation. Basically all relationships (and by this I mean romantic or platonic) start out with little connection, and you become friends through building that connection, and you can’t really rush it.

I believe in “clicking” in the sense of there being an immediate mutual interest in getting to know each other better, but speaking practically, regardless of the initial chemistry you are still basically intrigued strangers at that point. All clicking does is provide additional motivation for that process of getting to know each other. And speaking from experience, deep friendships in the long term don’t always have an initial “click”. I’ve had relationships that were initially quite intense fade away, and others slowly grow from acquaintanceship into lasting intimate friendship even if we didn’t expect it on first meeting. The myth of clicking is confirmation bias - unless there was a serious fallout, you’ll probably forget the people who you thought you clicked with if it didn’t just work out, and conversely it’s not hard to look back through the lenses of memory and nostalgia and find a single moment when a friendship or love crystalized, even though the reality is that it was merely the tipping point after considerable energy had already been invested on both sides.

In terms of practical advice, finishing up a degree is a uniquely awkward time, especially if all your classmates are in the same boat, because there’s often a mentality of “we’re all going to leave soon, let’s stick with the friendships we have.” Others in your class may not have that motivation to make a close connection, and it sucks but it’s temporary. The good news is that the larger world doesn’t feel that way. It is a bit more difficult to make friends as an adult, just because you’re not spending time with people naturally the same way as you do in school, but meetups and clubs and social organizations all exist for this reason and are explicitly there for people who want to make friends. And again, it’s going to be a slow process. I respect that it’s frustrating having to start from what feels like square one, but it’s unavoidable.

As for dating, you don’t need to do apps if you don’t want to! But you’re right. It’s going to be comparatively inefficient. Particularly if you prefer to date people you already know socially, you’ll have to put in a lot of effort going to social things and building those acquaintanceships over time and you might need to ask someone out face to face. Inexperience is fine. Everyone has to start somewhere. The tradeoff is more that you can’t screen people as well if you’re on apps, and they can be kind of impersonal but you do get to interact with many people quickly on your own terms without having to go outside and with the luxury of being able to think up witty comebacks instead of having to chat in real time.

(I do want to counter the idea that people who use apps are any less deep or anything like that. Some people are comfortable with casual hookups and some aren’t, but many people use apps to set up a date first and see if they have enough of an interest to keep things going. As with all of the above, everything has to start somewhere and if you think of the app as a way to facilitate meeting people, rather than “I must make a romantic connection with this person tonight”, and steer towards dating vs. hookup apps/make it clear you’re looking for long-term relationships, you might have more luck. The point of the first date for most people isn’t to find a partner, though sometimes that happens; it’s to find someone you enjoy enough to go on a second date with and slowly get to know).

One final thought: all this advice applies universally but I actually think considering it in the context of MBTI is more harmful than helpful, or at best misleading. For example, you say that being a 5 you take too long to check if people are safe, which whether or not you actually are a 5 also has absolutely nothing to do with being a 5, and even if you are a 5 and this is a 5 thing, you’re aware of this behavior! You can stop doing that then! MBTI is not destiny!

Regardless of type, no one automatically knows what to say in every situation, no one can read minds, and no one has discovered the secret to always being liked and never being rejected. Type can convey talent or inclination but skill requires time. Extroverts are often better with people because they have to be - they aren’t as okay with just being alone, especially when younger, so they go out and deal with people and through that process learn to make friends. But they weren’t born with it. Sites that favor introverts and/or intuitives are terrible for a lot of reasons but I find they perpetuate the ideas I disagreed with above, that friendships for introverts and intuitives must always be with people who Click and Already Get It. This is wrong and it’s limiting. Obviously don’t pursue a friendship or relationship if you don’t like the person, but don’t write someone off just because you didn’t feel a magical spark right away. That’s not being deep and sensitive - that’s being closed off to new experiences. Anything worth doing involves real-world effort and some amount of risk, and usually it involves patience and time and awkwardness and uncertainty as well.

[operationrainfall]

Title Panzer Paladin Developer Tribute Games Publisher Tribute Games Release Date July 21st, 2020 Genre Retro platformer Platform PC, Nintendo Switch Age Rating E for Everyone 10+ – Fantasy Violence Official Website

I’ve been a fan of Tribute Games for years, but this is the first time I’ve directly received a review copy from them. And though a fan, I feel many of their games in the past have been great, but not amazing. Most were held back by balance issues, such as Mercenary Kings Reloaded or even Flinthook. But turns out it was just a matter of time, cause after playing Panzer Paladin, I’ve come to a revelation. This is the best game Tribute has ever made. Not only that, but it’s my favorite new retro title since Shovel Knight. You’re probably curious why I feel that way, so I implore you to keep reading.

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The first thing that’s great about Panzer Paladin is the plot. It’s very 80s, in the best way. The game starts with magical weapons falling to earth, opening portals for fell armies and turning humans into foul beasts. Several portals have opened up, summoning a horde of eldritch foes ready to lay waste. The only answer to this magical mayhem? Robots, of course! They can’t be corrupted by the magical energy, and thus can wield magical weapons safely. The robots in question comprise the titular Panzer and Paladin. These are Grit, a gigantic mech, and Flame, a human sized android made for rescue operations. That said, don’t count Flame out! Even though she’s nowhere near as tough as Grit, she can wield a mean laser whip, reach tunnels inaccessible to Grit, grapple across pits and even heal the giant mech remotely. Meanwhile, Grit will be what you use for the bulk of combat. He can attack upwards to reach vertical heights, bounce on foe’s heads like Uncle Scrooge, dash backwards, block enemy projectiles with a shield and can withstand a ton of hurt before he crumbles.

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I really was drawn in by the pulpy fun of the premise, and it’s only made better by beautiful anime cutscenes. They look like they could have been drawn by greats of the genre, and they lend a ton of personality to the cast. Even though you’re only controlling Grit and Flame, you have a supporting team of goofballs, mostly lending moral support. You also have a sinister foe in Ravenous. He’s the one behind all the chaos happening on the planet, and he openly mocks your efforts to stop him. There’s also the mysterious Horseman, who seems to have goals all his own, despite obviously being a magical creature himself.

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With the stage set, I should talk about the game itself. It’s clear the folks at Tribute outdid themselves here, finding inspiration in a number of classic series. There’s a level select and final stage gauntlet similar to Mega Man; The Horseman’s musical theme reminds me of Proto Man; there’s a mech and pilot dynamic not unlike Blaster Master; Grit wields a shield that works similarly to Zelda II; and though there’s not Castlevania wall meat, you can often find hidden weapons by busting open walls. That said, this very much feels like a unique experience. These small touches are meant to flavor the larger experience, but it’s one wholly distinct from any of those games. One mechanic that brings that to bear is how weapons work.

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Each of the weapons you’ll discover are one of three types – Cut (sword), Pierce (spear) or Impact (Hammer). There’s no weapon triangle to worry about, but you will need particular types of weapons to break open corresponding blocks. Also, since all these weapons are magical, they increase your burden. I admit I’m not entirely sure how this works, other than having a high burden seeming to guarantee encounters with recurring mini boss The Horseman. You’ll find weapons in levels, and defeating foes also results in weapon drops. Though the weapon type isn’t that important, other than their attack range, their spell type is vital. Every weapon has a spell inside it, and you can unleash it by breaking them. You do so by holding ZL and ZR until the meter fills, and there’s a ton of spells. Some will heal you, others temporarily increase your stats, some literally give you wings and others hurl lightning at foes. That’s far from all of them, but you can see there’s a good variety. There’s a definite risk and reward with the weapons. Do you keep wielding a weapon until its durability runs out, allowing it to shatter? Or do you break it early to cast a spell? Sometimes you’ll need to throw the weapon at a distant foe, losing it in the process but dealing a ton of damage. The nuance is fantastic, and it really lets the player tailor the experience to their preference. On that note, there’s also different difficulty settings, so the game is only as hard as you want it to be. That said, even on Normal difficulty Panzer Paladin is a hearty challenge.

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The cool thing about how weapons work is they effectively let the game play like a Metroidvania without actually being one. Though you can explore and find hidden nooks and crannies, these just have hidden 1UPs. Your only permanent upgrades come from trading in excess weapons at the lab to increase Grit’s health bar. Other than that, you have to manage your arsenal wisely. Keep in mind, the best weapons come from the many colorful bosses in the game. These are found in distinct regions across the world, and all represent iconic mythological monsters. In Egypt there’s Anubis, the USA is seduced by Lilith, Japan is menaced by Gashadokuro, Greece strangled by Medusa and Russia bewitched by Baba Yaga. There’s plenty more, and they all serve as great challenges with amazing design. They have unique attack patterns along with tells, and they force you to react accordingly. Some fights even force you to play as Flame briefly, such as when Anubis casts you out of Grit. Flame has helped save my ass more than once after Grit perished, letting me win hard fights. None of the bosses is easy, but with one exception, they’re all fair. That exception is the first boss in the final gauntlet of the game, and it almost made me give up. Thankfully I found a combination of spells to deal with it, and the rest of the final bosses were more balanced, much to my relief.

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I really liked the way the game played, and found the loop of going through levels, acquiring weapons, beating the bosses, upgrading, rinse and repeat to be fluid. You’re free to tackle the stages in any order you choose, though some are definitely harder than others, and some bosses will give you a steeper challenge. The platforming isn’t quite as great as the combat, though not cause it’s poorly implemented. It’s more that Tribute’s tendency for difficulty rears its head more often in these sections. Not really for the platforming while in Grit, but when I had to control Flame solo. Flame has a fraction of the health that Grit does, and spikes he can shrug off instantly kill her. Additionally, the grapple and swing mechanic takes a bit of getting used to. I thought I couldn’t get past a pit in Mexico, and died repeatedly before I got the timing down. Thankfully, the sections where you only control Flame are pretty brief, and generally come right before a checkpoint. The interesting thing about checkpoints is they continue the risk vs reward by forcing you to spend a weapon to activate a checkpoint. Grit grabs it and slams it downwards in what I refer to as a Reverse Excalibur. You’re free to pull the sword back out of the stone, so to speak, but if you do so and perish, you’ll start over from the beginning of the stage. Overall the gameplay is fantastic, and the combat is tremendous. It just can be a bit anxiety inducing during some platforming.

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Panzer Paladin has a surprising amount of replay value. First you play through the game on Classic, and then you unlock Remixed mode, as well as Speedrun and Tournament. Remixed seems mostly the same, other than enemies being more durable, traps being more dangerous and the layout of stages tweaked slightly. The boss fights all felt the same, other than one new boss fight early on. To be fair, I haven’t beaten the game on Remixed yet, so it’s very possible there’s other late game differences. Speedrun lets you challenge stages with set weapons and beat them to try and reach par times. Tournament is fun, other than when I hit the roadblock of the boss I complained about earlier. I think you’re supposed to beat it by using the game’s Parry mechanic, where attacking after blocking an enemy attack temporarily stuns them. Unfortunately I never mastered that technique, so thus far I have been unable to beat Tournament. Also, I encountered a glitch where a boss literally disappeared as I battled through that mode, forcing me to restart. These bonus modes are still fun, but my favorite is a mode I haven’t mentioned yet – Blacksmith mode.

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Blacksmith mode is outstanding. It’s super intuitive, and lets you design your own weapons. You are limited to a color palette of 4 colors, but there’s a lot you can accomplish with that. First I made a boring hatchet, but later went nuts and made a lollypop spear and banana blade. Once you design your weapon, you use points to allocate towards various attributes, such as durability, attack speed and more. Then, after you have saved your design, it will actually show up in the game! After you battle The Horseman, he always gives you a random weapon. If you’ve designed some, he’ll instead drop one you have created. I believe this feature will take online into consideration, so hopefully after this review goes live, I’ll start finding weapons designed by other folks playing the game. Either way, I really like Blacksmith mode, and only wish I was able to save more weapon designs.

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Tribute never disappoints with design, and Panzer Paladin is no exception. This is a game that’s both faithful to NES classics of the past while still showing off a ton of style. There’s great touches during the cut scenes, and though there’s a limited color palette in the stages, nothing is ugly. I especially love the boss designs, which all are equal parts menacing and delightful. One favorite is an angry ice boss I call Frosty the No Man, but they’re all wonderful. All the enemies are fun too, such as snickering goblins, demonic fire spewing plants, lumbering giants, bird men, mummies and so much more. There’s no lack of vision here, and it all blends together into a vast tapestry. The music doesn’t disappoint either, with punchy sound effects. Best of all, every stage has a unique musical theme. It all comes together seamlessly, and just serves to make Panzer Paladin an even more memorable game.

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Overall, Panzer Paladin was actually better than I thought it might be. It wasn’t quite perfect, but it came really damned close. If they had done things like make Remixed a bit more different than Classic, or ironed out the glitches I experienced in Tournament mode, I would have given this a perfect score. It’s a tremendous value for only $19.99, with multiple endings, tons of different modes and an adventure I won’t soon forget. I spent about 10 hours beating the game the first time, but since then have spent several more hours just enjoying the game. I always knew Tribute was capable of greatness, and I’m so glad they achieved it in Panzer Paladin. Now I just hope they have a sequel in the works, cause I want to see more from this amazing world.

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[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”4.5″]

Review Copy Provided by Developer

REVIEW: Panzer Paladin Title Panzer Paladin