#if that doesn’t do it idk what will . sucks that it’s monday

[goldensunset]

ugh how long do i have to sleep how many fluids must i consume how warm and cozy do i have to be to unsick the sick

[siriusblack-the-third]

Matching Misfortunes: Peter Pevensie

I binged read and watched the Narnia books and films, and idk what possessed me but I wrote. so. Let's go. Please check out the other parts for the other siblings!

.

Peter’s skin itches.

He heaves even breaths through his nose as he leans back to avoid the sloppy punch Easton throws at him, and stops himself from going for the throat for the third time in half as many seconds.

This is the fourth fight he has gotten himself dragged into since term began on Monday. It is Wednesday today, and Peter’s blood pounds in his ears, through his limbs and his flexing fingers as he holds back; doesn’t hit hard, doesn’t go for the liver or the heart or the head, does not give into the bloodlust that whispers siren songs of battle and blood-covered blades in his ears. He stops himself, clenching his fists and dodging the abysmal hits from the three boys that surround him, and refuses to lift a hand against these insolent children.

He is a King.

He is a boy stuck in a schoolyard brawl he did not start.

Peter’s skin itches.

He wants to claw it off— he imagines that this is what snakes must feel when their body gets much too big for their scales, and they have to go through the painful process of shedding their outer layer and come out stronger and larger. He suppresses a grim twist of his lips as he kicks out— harmlessly, wrestling against the lust that sings a song of death in his ears— at that idiot Michael’s knee to send him sprawling to the ground with a yelp, and thinks that what he went through was rather the opposite, really. He grew up, and then was forced into a body too unfamiliar, too awkward, too inexperienced. Too young.

He was a King.

He is a boy stuck in a body too unscarred to be a King’s.

Kenneth lunges forward to try and grab him around the waist. Peter easily steps out of the way, the part of him that is a seasoned warrior clawing to the forefront of his mind simply to scoff at the graceless flailing of limbs that these children call fighting. Lucy could do better.

Lucy did do better, twelve years ago. Or maybe it was five years ago.

The timelines blur together, in his mind; he can no longer tell whether he is in England or Narnia. He is wearing his school uniform and he is wearing his royal garments, he is walking the halls of Westbrook County Boarding School and he is walking the halls of Cair Paravel. He holds the blunted school practice broadsword in his hand and he holds the razor-sharp Rhindon in his calloused hands, he is a boy and he is a King.

“Fight back,” Easton snarls, dark brown hair falling out of its previously carefully styled place, and Peter thinks of how he has seen scarier Mice dig their teeth into the throats of Minotaurs and suck them dry of blood. He blinks, and the image of him sinking his own teeth into Easton’s throat flashes across his mind’s eye. He blinks again, and he’s back on this makeshift battleground where the mice are gone and his sword is gone and he is in clothes too uncomfortable and the skin is stretched taut over a body that is not really his—

“Fight back, Pevensie, you coward!”

High King Peter the Magnificent of Narnia, Commander of the Armies, Emperor of the Lone Islands, the Lionheart Warrior King, Protector of the People, wants to grab him by the throat and shatter his jaw into a thousand pieces for that grave insult upon his character. Instead, he laughs in his face and sticks out his tongue, like a small child.

He is nineteen, and he is thirty-three. He is not a child, in either world.

Sometimes, he wishes he was. Sometimes, he wishes he was thirteen and in his mother’s home, he wishes he had never left for Professor Diggory’s mansion.

Most times, however, he wishes for something he has almost given up hope for, something he was forced to give up five and a half years ago. He wishes, oh so dearly, for a faithful sword made of mithril in his hand and a heavy crown woven out of golden flowers on his head. He wishes for one last chance to step out of this world that was once his but no longer is, and into a world where he was once High King Peter the Magnificent, Commander of the Armies, Emperor of the Lone Islands, the Lionheart Warrior King, First of the Beloved Four, Protector of the Narnian People.

Easton yells as he lumbers forward, and Peter, too embroiled in old memories of running his fingers through the unicorn Ethrys’ snow-white mane while galloping through grassy fields, does not see the punch coming until it is too late. The loud smack of knuckles against flesh echoes through the school courtyard, and the impact of the heavy fist on his cheek is like an electric shock to his senses.

For a second, he blinks dazedly. And then his brain registers it properly. The pain flares, and with it so does blinding hot bloodlust.

‘Fine,’ he thinks as he lifts a hand to wrap his fingers around Easton’s forearm in a death grip, a high-pitched whistle echoing in his ears and red creeping into the edges of his vision as it zeroes in on the many weaknesses in the three boys’ defenses. ‘You want a fight? You’ll get one.’

It takes him four seconds to get the three imbeciles on their backs, one howling in pain from a dislocated shoulder, the other because of a broken nose and the third from a bruised kidney. His fingers flex around the hilt of a sword that he no longer owns, and he reminds himself that he is not allowed to kill, not in this world where he is not a King and does not lead wars.

He stares down at Easton, the image of a blood covered sword and a slain warrior at his feet flashing behind his eyelids when he blinks. He opens his eyes and the boy stares back, hand clutching his shoulder and face becoming paler and paler the longer Peter holds his terrified brown gaze.

“Don’t bother me again,” he says flatly to the three of them, and turns away, ignoring the teachers that are hurrying across the lawn with yells of his name tumbling from their lips. He lifts his gaze and locks it with Edmund’s for a second, brilliant blue meeting identical brilliant blue, before both of them turn away. One royal brother melts into the crowd of students without a whisper, and the other stalks off towards the dorms with blood on his ever-bruised knuckles and memories of a different world singing through the veins of a body that is too young for the mind it contains.

He is a King, celebrated and honoured for his services to a hallowed land.

He is a mere boy sitting on the roof of the boarding school, fingers flexing around the hilt of a sword that no longer belongs to him, nothing more than a memory he cannot let go of: a memory he refuses to let go of even after five and a half years.

[ofmermaidstories]

some bnha thoughts, on this sunny monday morning (or lunchtime, by the time i finish typing sdlkfjdlsk):

💥 got walloped with a return of the post-362 grief, with the latest episode of the anime lmao. unfortunately this means i am currently in my feelies, so thank u for bearing with me as i cycle through them in the form of shitposting. 🥹

💥 speaking of the anime, i’m sad they didn’t adapt one of my favourite panels from 360, where bakugou (or shiggy? it’s never really stated, but tbh i’ve always kinda assumed it’s shiggy imagining it LOL, maybe they both are? a joint moment of horror/delight where everyone knows exactly what’s about to happen 🥹) are imagining bakugou being torn apart by shiggy’s gross giant maggot fingers sdlkjlsdjflksdjf. i mean, i get why bones didn’t adapt it (bc they’re cheapskates and and also bc it is a show for children LMFAOOOO) but it’s a really cool example of how hard hori’s art can go, and also what im chalking up as his secret wish to write a horror story lmaoooo.

🪱🧵 i am biting my nails the closer we get to the end of the manga. chapter 428 was fun—bakugou and todoroki hiding behind iida as iida gently berates their newfound fangirls was so cute, lmao. also the revelation that edgeshot is slowly… regenerating? is….. interesting. i’m disappointed that hori didn’t kill him for a couple of reasons: the first one is my most selfish, and it’s bc i planned on edgeshot being dead for my halloween fic lmfao, now i gotta rework that whole angle. 💀😪 but the second reason is more pressing and that’s bc hori is a COWARD who NEVER kills off ANYONE that has INTERESTING CONSEQUENCES. and also bc he only likes killing off girls 💀 (we’ll circle back to this point). idk, i mean, for as much as i act like the grim reaper and whinge about mha not being depressing enough (lmao), the story that hori’s been writing has always been like, pretty easy to understand. hope connection blah blah blah (i say that lovingly).

HOWEVER,

💚🍵🩸 there are a few deaths i’ve always kinda expected, in the series, with the top of that list being shiggy and dabi. i was like, hopeful toga wouldn’t die, mostly bc i wanted hori to prove me wrong with his GIRL MURDERER AGENDA, but. 💀 cue the clown music, ig. and hey, maybe toga isn’t dead—maybe she’s just in a coma or in prison and ochako’s being emo bc she wants the world to see toga as a teenage girl and not a blood-sucking murdering psycho, and i HOPE that’s the case!!! i do!!!! like, are you seriously going to tell me dabi is somehow still alive (for now, anyways. do NOT come for me, that man got deep fried in the deepest oil vats of McHell!!!!) but toga gets the chop? 😒 like i actually fully expect tenko to come stumbling back (literally!!!) so you cannot tell me you save the dustpile AND the deepfriend mctodo just to axe the blood sucker!!!!! let them all live if ur gonna be a coward about it, hori!!!!! this is what i mean about interesting consequences. 😔 the only consequence we’re getting so far is deku and ochako both kinda 🫤🥺😦ing their way into a confession LOL. i’m being mean—i think the next chapter will be them both confronting their guilt over like, not being able to “save” their villains, and that if we do get a confession of feelies it’ll be something like ochako saying, “i like you deku, and/but i want to be a great hero too, to save people like toga in the future”. 🥹 maybe??? guess we’ll see. 🥺

🌇💀 my pet theory for the vaguely-tenko shaped rando that’s stumbling through the rumble is that it is indeed tenko, and that deku will somehow find him to help him and that’s how deku will get his powers back. and if he doesn’t and hori ends the series with deku being quirkless i will actually, and i mean this very sincerely, stop writing fanfic LMFAOOOO. ok im maybe like, half joking. 😒 but i have never been a fan of the quirkless deku ending and now im getting scared that’s what we’re gonna get!!!!! 😦 in one of his latest interviews, hori mentions something about wanting to strip away labels from people (characters) to see the human underneath them? soooo i guess we’ll just have to trust in him and these next two (TWO) chapters. 🥹

for all my whinging i do like bnha lmao. i whinge because i like it, and tbh i probably wouldn’t change a thing of it. 🥺 all the frustrating gaps—like those perceived consequences i keep getting worked up over the lack of—are what makes it fun to write and read fic for. 🥹 and it’s been fun watching the characters change!!! i was in a bookstore, yesterday, picking up a copy of volume 38 and the girl at the counter and i started talking about the series—the pros and cons of binging it vs keeping up weekly, the change in bakugou’s character and how reading over fics with him and his older characterisation can be kinda hard, now. how scary it was that it’s coming to an end!!! she and i have talked before—when i was buying volume 36 lmao—about whether bakugou could be canonically read as queer vs asexual, and like, idk any other series that has such a mainstream reach that you could have these outside conversations with other people in your day to day, outside of a twitter or tumblr sphere! that’s the power of my hero. and im glad to be here for the ride. and no matter how it ends, it’ll be fun, and worth it. 🥹

[thevirgodoll]

Why would a guy continually say he’s done saying “I’ve told you already I’m done and I don’t wanna do anything It’s been way to fucking long and I’m not waiting or anything, why do you want to come if I do this to you, why not just stop texting me? If you hate it so much” then I was just so upset and said “Idk how you could be this all over the place when just last week you wanted me to come…then you’re acting like I’m doing something when I’ve done nothing. You keep on doing this to me then act like I can’t come “soon” enough when this is really all your doing…I’m not understanding why you do this and then are surprised when I get mad…I asked him to call me and he said “I’m okay I don’t want to” I asked him again why he didn’t want to see me and he goes “I don’t wanna “use” you” and it was weird because he out quotations around use?? Then I I took it the bad way which idk if he meant it that way?? I said “You would actually say those words to me…that is awful. I’ll leave you alone. I’ve tried to come for you but you do this and say that…nice” and he goes “ok” so then a week goes by he’s continually stalking my page…but not saying anything then on Monday he goes “I hope you’re good, I miss you” and I was like “you do?” And he goes “yes” then I was like “Why’re you doing this, I’m genuinely confused” and he goes “my fault I’ll leave you alone” and I was like “what??” And he goes “do you?” And I was like “yes I do You were saying differently” then he goes “I know we’ll see” and I was like “seriously” he doesn’t open or read it….then the next day I said “So I’m going to ask for it off During the week you said?” And then he responds saying “I’ll lyk” then I said “You’ll let me know what?” Again doesn’t open or view it for long time then I said “Please tell me so this back and forth doesn’t drag on” so I don’t get him and why he’s doing this??? He was SO insistent on being done and over it then when I left him alone like I said o was going to do then he messages me a week later saying he misses me?? I’m lost and frustrated

Girl. Don’t let a man tell you more than once he doesn’t want you. If he’s suddenly switching up, that means his star player fumbled the ball and you’re his desperate back up for “cuffing szn”. Block him & find a real upstanding man with good character. If you’re having sex with him then stop immediately. A man that can’t even do the bare minimum such as a proper date is not the one. This guy sucks lmao. Is this your king?!

[sabo-has-my-heart]

hey!! would you take a request for law / other op doctors dealing with stuff like toothaches? like a s/o who hates hates hates dentists and most medical things, but they end up with a cavity / toothache and what law would do in that situation?? idk i have this lil hc that he sees dentistry as a medical side quest of sorts lol, plus who else would the crew mates go to for toothaches and stuff u know??? idk dw if not i just thought it could be a sweet idea

So I actually had a bit of a harder time with this one so if you don't like it I deeply apologize. Ironically, I have a dentist appointment of my own on Monday, lol.

Warnings: dentists

Word Count: 980

     Law crossed his arms as he gave you a hard look. You’d been avoiding him again, or rather, you’d been avoiding his check-ups again. As a doctor, he did the entire ship’s medical check-ups, because of his medical background, he’d briefly looked into other types of doctor work such as optometry and dentistry in his free time or on those nights where he couldn’t sleep and was up all night. While dentistry wasn’t exactly his favorite area of work, he refused to let the crew’s health suffer, even if it was oral health. You, however, hated the dentist, well, you hated most things that involved a doctor, but dentists were the worst. The constant scraping of your teeth, feeling the metal picks stab at your gums, the taste of iron in your mouth when they bled. The taste of the polish or whatever it was that they put on your teeth towards the end, that water in your mouth that was always suctioned out because they told you not to swallow it. Everything about dentists sucked in your opinion, so you avoided it as much as possible. You’d go in for your yearly medical check ups if you absolutely had to. You’d go in if you had an injury bad enough to need more than a bandaid, but you’d avoid your dentist check ups like the plague. It was why you brushed so well and took such good care of your teeth, so that you wouldn’t have to see him for dental work. That being said, some things couldn’t be avoided completely. Sometimes, no matter how well you brushed, you would get toothaches or cavities, this was one such moment. Now you’d been avoiding Law as much as possible because you knew he’d notice, you knew he’d figure out what was wrong; though it seemed as if he’d figured it out anyway. Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose.

     “I keep telling you, you need-” “but I brush really well! You know that! The last check up, you said my teeth looked great!” you whined, cutting him off, not wanting to hear him lecturing you.

     “That doesn’t mean that you won’t have complications from time to time. It’s the same reason I give yearly check ups, to catch this early, so this doesn’t happen.” he said, lecturing you anyway. You looked away, crossing your arms as you did so. Part of you knew he was right, but that didn’t mean you had to like it. 

     “Come on, let’s get a look before it gets worse. I don’t want to have to sedate you and surgically remove the entire tooth.” he said, gesturing for you to follow him, something you did rather reluctantly. Sitting in the chair, you fidgeted as Law got things ready, setting out the various instruments that he’d need. Staring at the various metal pieces, you couldn’t help but cringe at the sight of the sharp metal pick that you knew you’d be feeling against your teeth. The scraping that you swore you could feel up into your brain, that felt like was scratching against your very mind. 

     After what felt like an eternity of Law scraping, sighing, and shaking his head, the normally stoic doctor pulled away, giving you another look. One that told you all you needed to know. He was going to tell you something was wrong, followed by another lecture.

     “Can… can we skip the lecture this time? I get it, I should have asked you to do this sooner, I’ll be… I’ll try to be better next time.” you pleaded, making the man sigh for probably the millionth time in the last hour.

     “Fine, but if this happens again, I make your yearly check ups madatory.” Law threatened, giving you a very serious, very hard look. At the moment, it was mostly something he suggested, something he preferred the crew to keep up on, but he didn’t enforce it. Meaning he was serious about this. Getting out the things he’d need, you cringed, you recognized what he was grabbing, you had a cavity. Despite your best efforts, you had a cavity. 

     “Don’t give me that look, Y/n. It’s just one, you’re fine.” he said as he had you open your mouth again. You swore you could feel him filing the cavity in the same way you could feel the scraping, the sensation making you want to squirm. You knew if you did, Law would scold you and tell you to sit still, but that didn’t really help, finding the whole process to be highly uncomfortable. Finally, finally, the man finished, setting his tools down and sitting upright.

     “There, you’re done.” Law said, pulling his mask down. You almost jumped out of the chair, moving your jaw as you tried to get the sensation of the dental tools out of your brain. As always, your mouth felt strange, but your teeth no longer hurt and you could escape, which was all that mattered to you right now as you started heading towards the door only to be stopped once more by Law, his hand around your wrist.

     “I mean it, Y/n. Don’t wait so long next time. I don’t like it when your health suffers when it can be easily avoided.” he said softly. You gave him a soft smile and nodded, he hated seeing you in pain or discomfort, especially when he was able to do something to fix it. Law placed a soft kiss to the top of your head, happy that you were feeling better. You couldn’t help but love moments like this, moments where it was just the two of you, moments where Law would show you how sweet he was. Even if the moment was being shared after the ‘torture’ of getting your teeth taken care of and standing next to all the dental instruments.

[moonjxsung]

haiiii bb✨ i hope you had the best weekend!

i’m still not sure how he managed to do that tbh, i don’t think it’s too easy to achieve😅 so momo is prob safe from that. wasabi is an orange cat, we can’t expect much from him in the braincell department. im glad baby momo is getting better too🫶🏻 we stan her

frfr, idk how people abandon their pets. i’m literally so attached to every animal ever. i see a stray cat at a park and i’ll think of them forever and worry about them too. and people who don’t spay their cats and expect them to be outdoors are such assholes. i’ve had to spay/neuter 10+ cats due to overpopulation in the last two years and i have four more females to go (excluding my own 8 out of 9 cats). it’s insane and so so so sad. the fact that they took off the collar is so stupid too. it really sucks. i cannot comprehend.

star, idk how you do it!!! living where you live in the kpop era must be so hard😭 like, we love the exposure but my bank doesn’t. i sometimes wish i lived somewhere with a lot of kpop concerts but kinda not at the same time bc i just know i couldn’t afford most of them and i’d get the worst case of fomo. i wish you the best at your choice of concerts😂

anddd i didn’t know you stanned nct dream or itzy! follow up: which groups do you stan and who are your biases? i lovveeeee nct! i don’t really stan any ggs aside from twice and new jeans but i’d so love to listen to more so any recs would be gr8!!!

frfr ive never been confident with myself (and ik that’s like my biggest problem bc confidence is so attractive). kpop beauty standards kinda took a toll on me especially after my surgery, grad school, depression worsening etc etc. but ive learned to make delulu my solulu and be like “minho would love me even if im not pretty or skinny” and all is well (what he wouldn’t love about me is that i only eat meat when i absolutely have to bc i hate it😂). i love skincare though so if you ever need to discuss skincare im ur girl🔥 aside from kpop, plushies & cats my ocd also manifests at compulsively buying hundreds of dollars of skincare products🔥

i love you my darling bb. i hope you have the best week!! i’ve never had cheese danishes therefore im so glad i virtually tried them with you💕

-🐈‍⬛

HIIIIIIIII BBYYYY I HOPE YOU HAD THE BEST MONDAY 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Momo is doing so much better today (she’s currently napping on my freshly washed laundry❤️) so I think it might’ve been a weather thing! Hopefully her itching doesn’t come back but I’m still gonna look into bee pollen and see if it helps :’)

I KNOW I feel so very overprotective of every cat ive ever come across and it baffles me that people are just okay with abandoning their cats like that?? Especially after YEARS of owning them!??? How 😭 I don’t even like leaving momo alone for the day (despite her having an automatic feeder and a water fountain and cameras to watch her every move) so I don’t know how people abandon a cat indefinitely 💔 it’s fr so sad to me

HONESTLY it was so much easier to save money when there weren’t so many kpop things here but now we have kpop stores at every corner with v exclusive merch and preorder benefits and concerts every MONTH I can’t save money for the life of me 😭 I SWEARRRRR I buy some useless kpop thing at least once a week it’s so bad! I’m on a buying ban right now bc I just bought jhope’s on the street merch and that is ALLLL I am letting myself buy for the foreseeable future 🫡 hopefully

I LOOOOOOVE NCT OH MY GOSHHHHH okay list of my groups & biases (I might miss a few so bear w me):

Skz: JISUNGGGGG & Felix is my bias wrecker 🫶💖

Bts: jhope!!!!!!!!! Jin is my bias wrecker!

Nct 127: Yuta & Haechan! Wreckers always change but right now probs Taeyong (enlistment era starts today😔)

Nct Dream: I literally just started getting more serious about being into them despite listening to their music for a while LOL but deffffff Renjun & Haechan! 🫶

Wayv: Xiaojun!!!!

Shinee: Onew ofcccc 👼 and Taemin is my wrecker (he’s everybody’s wrecker tbh)

Ateez: Hongjoong & Seonghwa/Yeosang wreckers!

Seventeen: Hoshi & Minghao!!

Txt: Heuningkai 🫶

G-idle: Minnie! I need to get more into them but she’s defffff my bias oh my god she’s so pretty

P1harmony: I’ve also recently been more into them. Jiung!!

The Boyz: Changmin!

Ikon: Bobby!

Blackpink: MY GIRL ROSÉ 💞

Nmixx: Jiwoo & Lily!!!

Itzy: RYUJIN.

EXO: Minseok!!!!

Twice: Dahyun!

Blitzers: Chris!!

Aespa: Winter!

I also listen to Lsrfm and New Jeans but I don’t have biases (I’m more just a casual listener) but I think that’s everyone!! I LOOOOOOVE NCT THOUGH RAHHHHHHH when I tell you I have been crying alllllll day bc of Taeyong enlistment FUCKKKK IM SO SAD 😭😭😭 did you see Mark and Haechan tried to go to his send off and missed it because their flight was rerouted?? GODDDD I’m so sad for them 😭 I brought my Ty bby to today’s coffee run I miss him already 😔💔

PLEASE kpop beauty standards hit you in the face when you least expect it frfr like I always told myself I didn’t care how I looked in comparison and all of a sudden it was like oh nvmmmm 😀 It comes and goes in waves as of now and lately I’ve been trying to work more on just liking myself as a person (and being delulu because that’s the solution to everything) and I also find that’s the best way to combat it 🫶 ALSO SKINCARE YESSSSS I will absolutely bug you for skincare recs I have the worst habit of buying skincare just for the cute packaging LMFAOOOO I need to buckle down and buy actual cute stuff 😭

I love you so much bby have the best week!!!!! Here’s today’s pc I took just for you 🫶👼 I love u!!!!!

[doriantomybasil]

i actually need advice lol so i have a friend who i haven’t seen in months and she texted me like two weeks ago and asked if i wanted to hang out with her the next week (which was last week) and i said yeah sure and then that was it so i texted her next monday (of the week we were supposed to hang out) and she left me on read and hasn’t responded since

and it pisses me off so bad, should i say something or should i just let it go?

this is kinda related to why i haven’t seen her in months, she was always bad at responding (to me at least, when we’d hang out she’d always be on her phone texting people) and the majority of times i was the one who reached out first so i just thought i’d wait until she texted me and she never did so we just stopped talking which sucks a lot because she’s a really good friend of mine and when we would hang out we’d have a great time and i like spending time with her but the last few times we hung out it wasn’t really the same and i actually told her that i was depressed and she didn’t really care about it, she texted me once to ask how i was doing and when i responded she just never texted back, the next time she texted me was like a month and a half later on my birthday

so idk what to do i kinda want to tell her how shitty what she’s doing is but also i don’t want to cause a huge fight, i just want her to ono that what she’s doing is hurting me

i’d understand if she was busy and not able to text back at once but it’s been a week and a half and i can see her posting stories on insta and she’s even watching mines so i really don’t get it

also why even offer to hang out if she doesn’t follow through, it’s not like she’s obligated to ask

i just don’t know what to do

[wuntrum]

HELP i can’t tell if i’m the asshole here so i hooked up w my situationship literally monday, then tuesday she’s saying can’t date me, it’s right person wrong time bc of her problems & she knew that sunday morning but didn’t say anything. idgaf if she doesn’t want to see me anymore but lowkey how dare you already have a foot out the door but get sex out of me before you dip? like i had no expectations other than her wanting me there. so i let her hear it & she’s saying idk wow to my reaction. i told her that was fucked up & that she lowkey took advantage of me. like i gave an enthusiastic consent but only bc i thought she wanted to, it was her idea!! if you don’t want me there literally tell me to go we’re adults. i can’t tell if i was toxic for overreacting—i did bring up the fact that a different girl kissed me saturday & invited me over…if she doesn’t want me, other girls do! i wouldn’t have blown up kn her for not wanting to date at all i said i didn’t care about labels or timelines. i just think it’s wrong that she said she wasn’t her most authentic self when we were together as she put it like damn. i actually tried bc i cared about her & she says the same thing, that she didn’t string me along but how is that not exactly that. please help me i can’t talk to my irl friends a about this i’m too embarrassed. it’s my fault for wanting to uhaul but she was sooo into me until she wasn’t. which is her right obvi but if you’re having that realization tell me BEFORE the sex. ok thanks for letting me rant god bless

thats tough :( take what i say with a grain of salt because i have noooo situationship experience at all, but i can see why you're upset about what happened. the only thing i can think is maaaybe she only realized what she was feeling on sunday after she had a day to think about it? at least, i know for me personally, i know there are times where i feel like Something's Off but i can't really put my finger on it until later. but also that could not apply here as well, you'd probably know better than i would. i guess if she had continued to not tell you how she was feeling and you guys kept doing stuff, that would've been stringing you along---even though it sucks, at least it was really soon after the first time. communication's soooo important in any relationship though (like not even a romantic or sexual one), so i think its totally understandable to be upset in this situation, seems like a very big thing to withhold from someone. hope you're able to find happiness with other people!! (and hopefully they'll be better communicators)

[zero00o0]

Hello:) so first off wanted to say I loved part two of quiet! It was so well written and didn’t have a bad storyline and was very amazing on the gramatical side of things(no offense to some young writers😭) but I have three questions that I would like to give to you

1. Whats your favorite trope/situation to write versus to read

2. Whats your favorite duo to write/read (idk if you’ve been asked this before I’m not sure my memory sucks LMAOO💀🙏)

3. Will there be possible G!george T!dream stories in the future (and if so do you have any possible little thoughts to the stories that you might feel interested in writing that you want to share with the class) including this duo?

P.s (JUST LIKE WRITERS BLOCK I ALSO GET ART BLOCK TOO ((so it’s relatable for me😭))AND IT SUCKS BUT I WILL TRY TO GET ON DRAWING FANART FOR YOUR STORY)

double p.s( I HATE ART BLOCK) >:(

-AJ

HI AJ! You’ve given me a lot to think about here and I really appreciate that LOLOL

Tysm! I’m really flattered that the reception for Quiet 1/2 is really positive! I never planned on writing a lot for it but hey, I’m having fun. (I think I’ll end it at part 3 or 4 but idk)

1. We’ll if you mean in terms of g/t tropes to write, it’s hands down fearplay. Whether it’s a giant that knows what they’re doing to the tiny and just wants to scare them, a giant who doesn’t realize they’re being scary, or a giant forced to be scary to keep the ring safe, fearplay is the answer. To read, it’d have to be - and I know this is surprising - but fluff. I know, I know but most of my writing is scary shit and when I read I like to take a break from that lol.

If you meant general tropes outside of g/t, then I like writing romance (friends to lovers (to enemies 😳)), and I like reading fantasy action.

2. It’s basic but idc- Dnf all the way baby. I’ve been watching them since Minecraft Monday and they’ve given me never-ending brainrot since (they won’t leave my brain 🥲)

3. Most definitely! I like playing with the power roles and shifting them around. It’d get boring if every story I released would be g!Dream + t!George as the main focus characters. As of stories.. I have a few ideas that’ve been working in the brain, but for now they’re really brief. Idk if I’ll even use any of them. 🤷‍♂️

Society where giants and humans have lived in hostility for centuries. A school opens up with the purpose of socializing giants and humans, and does so with technology/magic (idk yet) that can make giants human-sized. George and Dream meet and slowly develop a friendship, and test the limits of a cross-species bond.

Borrowers have ranges of abilities, some can jump unnaturally high, some can see in the dark, etc. But the rarest ability one can have is size-shifting. George/Dream (idk which one yet) has this ability, and uses it to interact with human society. They make friends with Dream/George (again, idk) and the two form a close bond, and move in with each other. But the thing about size-shifting is that the borrower cannot hold their enlarged size for too long, they must shrink back every now and then to rebuild energy. The bad part? George/Dream never told their roommate that they weren’t human, and they’re feeling pretty tired all of a sudden.

George/Dream moves out to live alone at the very edge of a town to become a berry farmer, despite the warnings of the man-eating monsters in the woods. Most people gone missing appear to be those who take things from the forest, like lumber or fruit, so George/Dream refrain from taking anything that didn’t belong to him. He starts noticing things turning up in his property. He mentioned he needed a new water bucket, and one appeared. He needed more firewood, and some appeared. Was the forest being generous, or was it the deed of another grateful creature?

ALSO IK I HATE WRITERS BLOCK. Also I’m so flattered you want to draw something for Quiet! Of course don’t pressure yourself to do anything, you interacting with my stuff and sending me asks is already making me the happiest person ever :D

[lucysweatslove]

Where I’ve Been, Pt 3:

Sorry for dropping off the face of the earth for the last month. I’ve been overwhelmed with everything and reorganized priorities.

Still working on the whole med school thing. I have several more secondaries too complete but I needed a break because the essays were intense. I had like 10 to do for University of Minnesota and many that involved discussing racism. I know I’m not the most affected in any means but I get so mad about it that it does emotionally impact me when I have to write essays, so I needed some time to calm down from that too.

Also the board certifying my residency wants me to obtain records of my tuition from 2009-2011, like 9 years before I even claimed MT residency. I have no freakin clue why or how I even get the records. I emailed the school but who knows what will happens with that.

I was supposed to see In This Moment on 09/30 but it was rained out so I saw them last Sunday instead and it was incredible BUT I ended up disconnected from my best friend and that sucked.

My husband and best friend told me individually that they think I am autistic. Idk how I feel about this because it’s NOT a real diagnosis but they don’t really like each other so when they both come to a conclusion individually there’s usually some truth to it. I don’t want to push the matter with my doctor because workup is $$ and intense and it probably won’t actually help me anyway. As in, it’s not like it would change anything in my treatment plan. It doesn’t change how my friends and husband treat me, either. It would explain some parts of my world, but I don’t want to self-diagnose or label myself without a diagnosis because I don’t want to ever take away from autistic voices. So I just don’t know what to do with my two closest loved ones thinking this about me.

Median home prices around here are bordering $1mil.

I saw my PCP this week and even though I’m a couple pounds heavier than our last meeting, she told me I was “doing really well.” Last year my cholesterol was low (high enough HDL) but my triglycerides were kinda high. I thought this was from a steady diet of HiChews a few weeks before I got my labs drawn. This year my triglycerides were down and my cholesterol was up a bit but still normal. She was thrilled and actually told me that my cholesterol was low enough last year that it was giving dietary restriction vs this year it seems more consistent with like, actually eating enough. I’ve never told her my FULL ED history but I marked it in my history report so she knows but has never made it into a Big Deal which I appreciate.

I got both my flu shot and COVID booster on Tuesday and it killed me. Not really but I felt awful for a couple days.

I might get discharged from PT soon!! Deadlifts have historically triggered the spasms the most so we have been trying to get back into it. We don’t have real barbells in the PT office, but on Monday, I did 96# on this machine that isn’t perfect but we simulated wide leg deadlifts and it wasn’t too heavy. I’m going to try real deads in the gym hopefully today and if all goes well without any pain/spasm, I get to go back to the gym and lift heavier weights again although I’m weak AF now.

I got super into skincare again and re-organize what I call my skin care-ousel (carousel but it’s skin care) with cute 10ml droppers and airless pumps and stuff. It looks really cute.

I posted selfies but I dyed my hair and I love it. I feel so much more like when my hair is black.

[astronomy-two-worlds-apart]

okay idk how to even begin explaining how stressed out i’ve been and how close i am to crying. well how much i’m crying now

i feel like such a failure i’m gonna fail probably a few classes and like. i just suck. two projects. one was due in school like physically and the other is due in less than 3 hours from typing this. i’ve had all afternoon and done nothing but sit on the couch and do nothing. my teachers already question my work ethic and i’ve been told it sucks by some teachers. like what am i doing.

i’ve been having sleep issues meaning i can’t sleep half the time and the other half of the time i’m in bed by 9. awake by 3 or 4 but still. what the hell.

i try to eat enough but jesus eating meals really sucks. it always feels like i’m eating too much food and i’m gonna be sick. i don’t usually have like stuff or time or want to eat throughout the day either. and like my mom keeps saying “oh you have to eat or you’re gonna get sick” which yes i know but i’m not not eating as a form of self harm im not eating in a i will be sick way.

which speaking of being sick i literally have so much anxiety over that lately. there’s flu strep covid and god knows what else going around and yes i wear a mask but it still stresses me out so much to think that i could get sick. there’s always people coughing and sneezing from being sick. like they’re out and then they come back still a little sick and it makes me paranoid.

and of course there’s more academic issues bc failing to turn in projects is only one of the concerns. i have to take 5 or 6 finals next week all in the span of two days. two fucking days for 6 different tests. about 4 different reviews that i have to start and complete before the testing days.

i have to go to the store for multiple things, so money spending when i know for a fact that’s something my parents are stressing over and the reason why i purposely avoided telling them about the band disney trip money payments and stuff until it was too late. so they wouldn’t worry about like 3000-4000 dollars going to that in the next 4 months. am i upset bc i don’t get to go to disney and it was a trip i really wanted to go on? yes but i also don’t want my parents having another thing to use against me if i fuck up so they don’t spend money and i can’t get blackmailed win win i guess.

oh and a christmas concert on tuesday. and no the music doesn’t sound good. he’s gonna call a surprise sectional probably monday after school after the dress rehearsal and then get pissed when people can’t make it. he’s lowkey an asshole for that too so everyone’s gonna be upset over that. and it’s his fault for passing out music two weeks before the concert knowing damn well there’s other stuff going on.

i keep accidentally ignoring all my friends and feel bad for telling myself “i don’t actually care. like yes to a certain extent i care about everything they’re saying bc they’re my friends but at the same time i don’t as much as i should.” i keep like almost sabotaging myself and my life and it’s such an issue.

holy shit. i’m tired. i just need to have a way to exist outside from society. people are tiring. living is exhausting and i’m not even doing it properly bc i keep purposely/subconsciously messing everything up. why is it all just like this.

[ghostinmybrain]

The rant of the day:

Dont fucking put salt on a canker sore it hurts so fucking much. Also don’t try and play an instrument with multiple canker sores it also hurts. And don’t count out loud it hurts than too. Honestly, 0/5 stars wouldn’t recommend.

My band director is being annoying. His whole fucking thing is no alternates. We aren’t like football with a bunch of people sitting on the bench, if you sign up you play. We’re going to have 9 FUCKING ALTERNATES. 9!!!! We have too many baritones and mellos so those will probably be the 9 but I don’t want to pay all this money, put in all this effort, try out for drum major(failed obviously), and last year I was by grade the youngest squad leader. This is my third year and I’m working my ass off for this I don’t want to have to sit on the fucking sidelines. Plus there’s not enough people in my section so it wouldn’t make sense to take people out.

But it sucks for the new kids cause the vets don’t want to be an alternate so they’re working their asses off, and even if both a vet and a newbie did that, the newbie would be sidelined because they’re not as good because they have less experience so it sucks for them. And my director isn’t good about helping out the neurodivergent kids, yeah he treats them the same as the rest but they need that little extra time sometimes and he doesn’t give it. And I know one of the new baritones is autistic and rn he’s not that good because he’s new this year and he has leg problems(same tho-) and has to sit out sometimes. All of that would probably get him put as an alternate because of how my director would do it. They want the kids who are in the block the most amount of time, the kids that are focused, the kids that are immediately doing what they need to do. And it fucking sucks.

Next Monday they’ll have the alternates decided probably cause that’s when we start learning drill. I have a lesson tomorrow though and my teacher is also like, the teacher of the section I’m in so I’m gonna ask him what he knows about what sections getting alternates and how can I avoid getting out there. I want to March so badly.

Band is a good workout at least? I know I’ve lost some weight, clothes that were tight fit a little looser so that’s good and I’ve been burning more calories and stuff too. Idk, one good thing out of all of this

[keepthesethoughtsinsideyou]

3/20/2023

I didn't think my heart could be more broken. That Twitter post felt...malicious. Mean. But then again, I think you have already basically written me out of your thoughts and heart. So the idea that i still follow you. That I didn't want this. That my feelings didn't change. How hurtful the titling of that would be to me? Who am I? Just some dude now haha. I still cant believe how things went. I think about us video chatting and you trying all the underwear on that you bought with that gift card I got you for xmas. My stupid note that some of the card had to be used on thongs. what a idiot haha. I just knew your butt would look great in them. I was right. But now your new boyfriend is getting those pics. In the underwear I essentially bought you. ugh. I don't know what i expected. This situation was never perfect to be honest. In some ways, it was. To meet someone that you've known before. You’ve kissed before. You’ve made love to before. That shit was unreal. I don't think my brain ever quite understood it. Idk that every person is equipped to experience the cosmic. Especially to like, not have it mess with them. But then you have these people brought together but at a imperfect time in each of their lives. Yeah, I helped you realize what real love feels like. What you deserved. Helped you fast track getting into marriage counseling. And i think it was really the counseling that helped you realize the horrendous things that had been put on you for years by your now husband. Sucks that your new boyfriend Andi gets tagged with being the one to help you realize that. I remember the Monday after getting back from that weekend in December. And you were CHANGED. Meeting me changed you. You realized you had never felt that safe, loved, cared for. Your words. And you realized, holy shit I’ve been in a crumby relationship for 6 years. I do wish you had listened to my concerns about Chad early on in our talking. But I can understand I guess. I was in love with you. And I think it was easier to think, eh. He’s just jealous. Than to acknowledge the physical abuse & r@pe. I blame myself. Not for those things happening. They’d been going on long before we met. But I think, maybe if i had been able to express my worry in a different way. Hell, i WAS jealous. That dude did not deserve you in any way, shape or form. And everything he’s done since your breaking up has show that he is a bad person. And I really question if he didn't know he had HSV. At this point, I would not put it past the guy. But yeah, I wish i could've expressed things in a way that didn't come off jealous. But honestly, I don't think you were ready to see and understand what had happened and had been happening. And i really don't think me conveying my worries in a less jealous way would've had you seen the truth. Its fucking awful. I just think, christ. We started talking September 1st and i KNEW this guy was bad news then. And I really wish I could've made you see so you never got married. Now you have to go through VA’s laws regarding separation first for 6 months THEN divorce. You have to keep your relationship with Andi a secret essentially. Chad always seemed so disconnected from the relationship. I hope he doesn't see your Twitter and think, “whos ‘he’?” I worry what that fucker will try with the divorce. He’s already attempted to defame your character. Blaming you finding your own sexuality and creating this yarn that your and Andi’s relationship is why the marriage fell apart. Which, if the world fucking knew what HE did to you? They wouldn't believe ANY of his shit. But yeah, its really hurtful that you have made Andi your savior in seeing what was going on. Because per your own words, I was the catalyst for you getting everything going that made you realize what was truly going on. It’s so messed up that your relationship with Andi is essentially starting on this like, pile of lies almost. What would Andi say if he knew about us? Knew you were cheating on your husband with me. Knew that you were going to try to use your husband creating a open relationship not to be with Andi, but so maybe you and I could actually be together. Andi doesn't know anything about you and I. No one does in your life. You never told Lolly/Fenne. Granted, I told you that you didn't need to. But dude, you didn't need my permission. haha. Christ. It was a constant weight on my that i was the dirty lil secret. But I know that was unfair in alot of ways because the only person I told was my Mom. Man, I sort of wish I kept it like that hahaha. I admittedly kind of cracked when you chose Andi over me. I had just driven down to see you. And I would've driven straight through to Richmond. I didn't have to stay in Hershey, PA. Yeah, I didn't want to lose the money I had spent on the hotel for us. But I would've driven straight to you to try to salvage things. Show you the truth. God i really had hoped you would meet me for lunch that Saturday. i KNEW once we were together you'd see the truth. I wasn't perfect. I still am not. Christ I am trying. Trying through the worst grief I have experienced since my father died unexpectedly from COVID. But still fucking trying man. And i just knew you would see you were wrong about me and us. Man, I felt so positive after that weekend. Truly, i felt...powerful. We were powerful. I’ve never felt that way before. For me, I really felt like i solidified how special we were and how we are supposed to be together. And that we could work on things. I was so fucking positive that we could get back to where we were but BETTER and STRONGER. But i didn't know about you and Andi. I didn't know that you had been getting feelings for him behind my back. And all the while that was happening, you started focusing on the negatives of you and I that needed work...but without ever disclosing the work that needed done. The things i was doing that were weighing on you. Focusing on how easy Andi was. Comparing and contrasting him and I. Its just...unfair. But hey, life isn't fair. While I thought my coming to see you would show you i would  go to the ends of the earth for you and us, I think much like my first visit, it kind of shocked you. Fuck, he was right about us feeling the same. Fuck, he really will change. He really will do anything for me and us. Honestly man, I couldn't have known you would've been jumping into a relationship before your marriage was even officially over. You talked about yourself being a serial monogamous relationship person. Your relationship would end. Maybe a month goes by, and you're already in another long term relationship. But when you talked about it with me, you spoke like it was a negative trait. And with your marriage ending, you spoke about wanting to be single and find yourself. I genuinely believed you. It does stink that I’ll never know what really was happening. With you confessing about Andi, and your feelings and committing to him exclusively almost immediately, it really makes me question why the concept of us was always pushed back. 8 months and we will see. Etc. But if I think about all the stuff you didn't talk to me about, and kept to yourself and kind of dumped on me when everything ended, i might go crazy. Hell, I already have gone pretty crazy over this. haha. I finally told people about us. One night I was honestly losing it. I didn't and don't understand how something that feels absolutely...cosmic? otherworldly? How it could be cast aside. I reached out to a friend Brittany. I knew she was into astrology and some different things. Her and I had been pseudo romantically linked but ended up just being friends. And that was cool. Doesn't usually happen. But we got along really well. She had moved to PA to be with her BF, now husband, but prior to that we had been coworkers for a bit. But I reached out and basically said I had been going through such a crazy situation for the last 6 months, and i really wished she was around to talk to about it because I felt crazy. And she was receptive and idk why but i told her a bunch. The choice nugs, if you will. But omg she told me I wasn't crazy. She brought up stuff about twin flames? I had NEVER heard of this shit in my life. She said this situation was VERY special. Said it didn't sound like we were soulmates because some things i described don't track with those i guess. But she said regardless. Most people will never meet a soulmate, let alone a twin flame. And she said its even MORE unlikely to find one of those that also has a romantic element. She said i should feel very lucky and special. It’s definitely hard to feel that way when you chose someone else. haha. But god. Reading up that next day on twin flames? I was CRYING in my office. There were things there that Brittany hadn't mentioned but OMG did they mirror you and I. Trying to be rational, I was trying not to play into that. But omg some of it was so compelling I found myself messaging you. You probably already knew about twin flames. I hadn't thought about that at the time. How you are already aware of alot of these things. I’m sorry for that. Guess I worry about things. Alot of it tracks but the seemingly inevitable point in the twin flame relationship where flaws in the partner are pointed out. And then looking into twin flame breaks? How it can feel like a death? omg that's what I’m still going through. But everything i have read has basically said that this is the time and chance for self improvement. The breaking of the twin flames is supposed to lead both to focusing on bettering themselves, and truly working on their personal flaws that the other has pointed out to you. I know what I have to work on. You had made it clear. But that last message I sent you. The one i regret. You know the one. I think that may have put a magnifying glass over some of your own flaws. And things you weren't ready to acknowledge. I think it was easy to have me be the bad guy. The end. but when i was like, yo. these things are kind of messed up. Idk, just think it was too much. Now you are telling me not to message you again until August. Will I? idk. Will i message you before then? god i think about that all the time. What's the point if you will just leave me on read? And who knows if you wont leave me on read in August. But I guess the thing is Courtney, if this time is supposed to be for each of us to work on these flaws and improve ourselves, how are you going to do any of that while throwing yourself into another potential long term relationship? I hope I am not the only one that's going to work on themselves. I think about how i spoke to you and conveyed my thoughts and pain and hurt. I hate myself for it. But at some point, god i hope you realize it takes two people to make a relationship work. And without open communication and honestly, how can you improve anything? Can you work on your own flaws while focusing on another relationship? Without even recovering from your marriage ending? I know you are supposed to start therapy next month. I hope a professional can help guide you. I am actively looking for a therapist. I would like one that understands spiritual relationships but that's probs a reach. Idk if you and i are twin flames. I don't want to say we are. The similarities are fucking fairly uncanny though. And regardless of label, what you and i have (yes, have. not had) is something next level. Brittany got REALLY new age on me. Divine Timelines. Past Lives. Cosmic Guides. It was all so much. idk what I do or don't believe. But with so much of what she said linking to you and I, i would be lying if i said that I have not been speaking to my guides every day. Every time I miss you. Every time my heart aches. Every time i just want to die and give up. I just talk to them. Does that make me crazy? Maybe. I just ask them for guidance and let them know I am open to it. I am open to see the signs. I bring up all the signs they showed you. And I ask for them to show me signs that lead me on the path I should take. God typing that makes me sound unhinged haha. In those moments, it gives me temporary solace. With all the cosmic signs you were shown, I have to believe there is something bigger to you and I. In my heart, i hope they are showing you signs all the time now. Things ramped up as your marriage approached and during your honeymoon. The eerie shit where it was like, there's no way this isn't purposeful. Brittany said alot clearly. haha. But one thing she said is that these guides will send you undeniable signs. And the more you ignore them, the more they will show you. That feels like your honeymoon like omg. You knew you shouldn't have been with him. You knew something unreal was happening between us, but you still went forward with the marriage. And they showed you. Just like when I left in December. They were trying to tell you, you need to follow Matt. Well, maybe not follow, but that there is something there with me. That's my thoughts anyway. You were able to reject these seemingly cosmic signs then, and I cant really imagine you giving them weight/credence now that you have your new boyfriend and relationship. I do want you happy. But man. Rebounds are a thing. And from what youve told me? Like, EVERY relationship you've had is a rebound because you never actually have that time to yourself to go over the relationship. I hope the therapist can help you. God I hope I can find one and they can help me. Regardless of you and I, this has put such a magnifying glass over me. My flaws. I feel like, if only i was perfect. If only I hadn't created my negative coping mechanisms. If only i didn't have bi polar. If only i didn't have an anxiety disorder. If only. But who knows. None of those things are excuses. And at some point you have to realize your faults and work on yourself. It sucks feeling like losing my person, a piece of myself. The part of me i didn't know i was missing but once i found, i felt like, more complete. it sucks that this fucking traumatic event is what will lead to growth. But I am sure you feel that way about your marriage too. And I am forever sorry I couldn't save you from it. If I follow the twin flame theory, this was always supposed to happen. The thing that sucks is there is no way of knowing what happens. We work, we become better. I become someone you can actually imagine being with. Having a future and life and family. All the things you told me over and over again. And then taking back in a heartbeat. But it still doesn't mean anything necessarily. Apparently meeting a twin flame can just be to lead to bettering yourself. If that's the case, I would just say, how unfair that there had to be romantic feelings connected to us. To know in my heart, i will never love another human as i love you. And to know it could be all over forever. How does one go on knowing there perfect person is out there and not with them? I guess we will see. August feels so far away. And yet it feels like not enough time. I don't feel like me working on myself is enough. Like when we reconnect, i worry if I am not 100% fixed, you wont give me the time of day. I know the changes are supposed to be for me. But its so hard working to make yourself better when you have never liked yourself. Its alot easier when you have this amazing woman there for you somewhere down the line. And this life that you've always dreamed of in your sights. A goal. A finish line. Feeling the loss and grief that I do right now, its hard to make positive strives. Especially if the only person I am doing it for is me. Because right now, I don't like me. Can you imagine not liking yourself already, and then someone who is like, your one. Your other half. Cosmic partner. Whatever you want to call it. That person ends things, picks someone else over you because that person is better (when you already have abandonment issues and feelings of not being worthy or good enough for you) and basically tells you, its all your fault. Can you imagine liking yourself enough to do ANYTHING with only your own self betterment in mind? It’s so hard. And honestly, even if you wont acknowledge me, i still feel like I will check in with each personal goal post i reach. Cause this might be one of the hardest things I have ever been faced with. And whether you and me romantically are through forever, or there is some chance. Regardless of that. I want you to know that you matter to me. And the loss of you, was a wake up call. I wish I worked on all of this sooner Courtney. You cant know how much I wish it. But much like you realizing your relationship needed to end only happened once you met me, I think you breaking things of and choosing another man over me was the catalyst for my own personal growth. I hate that it happened this way. Because in a alternate timeline where I had already worked on myself, maybe you would've chose me. I would've been good enough. I don't know. I’ll never know. But god I want to show you who I should've been all along. And I hope you welcome me back into your life in SOME form. How you could go from “i cant ever imagine not talking to you and having you in my life” to where we are now in such a short period of time is staggering to me. But I know this is my fault. And I have to try to not focus so much on the past. I cant change how i was. Or the negative moments between us. But I can become who I should've always been for me and you and us, and remember the magic. That magic will never die. You will see. 

[outofcontexturi]

Thu 23rd feb 2023 journal 22:30

today has been tiring. I haven’t eaten properly and I’ve had a headache for god knows how long. I’m gonna rest and fuck off this showcase shit for the day cause that’s all I’ve been doing. I’ve not given any time to myself and pretty much all this time to stressing about showcase cause I’m having to do double the work. I fucking hate this feeling and I do want it to end. I’m nervous and excited for showcase but time really is of the essence right now. I listened to kanye this morning and i felt amazing. I felt like I could do anything. These long days have to pay off man. I’m praying I get the right agent and hopefully it comes after showcase. I mean the journey isn’t done if I don’t but I would really like to get one. A part of me feels like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with helping out Kiziana with her showcase but she’s chosen such a good scene for the both of us so that’s that on that. Moses on the other than is fucking difficult to work with but I love him he just takes so long to get into things and when time is of the essence it’s hard not to get angry with the guy. I feel like a fuse ready to snap when he does things cause it’s like why are you trying to piss me off bro when you should be trying to help me right now. The good thing about this is that I won’t be doing this again with him cause I don’t think I’d want this stress ngl. I just had jelly for dinner cause that’s what the life of a student actor is. I’m glad I’m documenting this moment so that when I look back I’ll remember the struggle and be grateful to wherever I am when I get to where I want to get to. It’s 22:38pm right now. Lights are off in the room. Bed room heater is on. New Wayne song just dropped. AirPods are in. Phone is on dnd. I thought about Honey today. It’s so hard to let someone you love go. I went back to our convos and just laughed cause she’s funny lmao. You deep how hard life is when the people you want aren’t around. My heart still feels cold(er). I still need therapy. I still need a job. I still need to live my life and do things. No freedom just yet. Which sucks but whatever. Just turnt the heater off: my bed is warm enough to thaw my heart now. It’s 22:44pm. I’m hungry. Might watch Avatar the last airbender. Then call it a day. Have a long day tomorrow and then the weekend will be long. The thing is, I HAVE TO FIND A WAY OUT CAUSE IF I DONT NO ONE WILL DO IT FOR ME. So yeah I can cry and complain about how shitty life is right now but it will end and these moments and feelings will end and maybe tomorrow won’t feel like this and maybe I’ll have eaten properly or got some nice sleep or felt good about myself or something idk that fact of the matter is I’m going to get whatever I need to get done BY ANY MEANS. cause that’s what I do. That’s what I’ve been doing. I don’t have to be the smartest person to do that I just have to have a spirit that doesn’t give up and luckily for me I have that so I should be fine. I’m also thinking about Nolu. I hope she’s fine. I think I remember speaking to her on Monday but that feels like forever ago with everything going on at lamda right now. Days seem to be merging together and I don’t have the energy to remember them they way I want to right now. I want to close off from the world but idk how useful that would be. This phone is on 30%. It’s 22:50pm. Last year today I wanted to kill myself I remember. I wanted to commit suicide. Kinda happy I didn’t. I did however look outside of a window at school today and there’s Barons Court station just there and I thought to myself “the way I’m feeling is probably jump” but that was earlier when I was really really stressed and tired and hadn’t eaten a fucking meal so I don’t blame myself for being dramatic. I was never gonna jump or break the glass and jump for anyone reading not that I care if you care or don’t care. I’m gonna get ready for bed and watch avatar (probably). Let’s pray tomorrow is kinder than today was and pray that I get these lines in. It’ll work out in my favour. The universe is working with me to get me where I need to be.

[itsfayehr]

detour

Idk what this is but it’s like this every monday. Google says it’s monday madness. just hating going back to work after the weekend. It could be that. I don’t feel depressed enough to need help. this just sucks. after some time it gets old. I know complaining about it doesn’t help. and I’m trying not to. I’m also trying to keep a good attitude. Thinking positively is hard.

I’m trying not to complain because there are people who have been in this process far longer than I have been. Some people waited 8 months before their MRDP came. I know someone who was here for over a year then finally got out. So by all counts, this wilderness is about to end. My timeline is good. When I think that way, I feel better. I do feel a lot more stable. I know doing my small projects will keep me occupied. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop. It will be alright. Every day is a process. Every moment is a gift.

[f1nalboys]

Hear me out okay: a randy one shot where he gets a little jealous over everyone talking about ghostface and all of the acclaim they're getting that HE dons the mask and plays a trick on reader that gets steamy FAST

FINALLY GOT TO THIS REQ, IT LOWKEY GOT ME OUT OF MY FUNK >:) i took some liberty with this so i apologize if it's not what you ahd in mind D: i hope you love it all the same!!!

Randy Meeks x Fem!AFAB!Reader

WORD COUNT: 2546

WARNINGS: nsfw, ghostface!randy (kind of), randy is an attention whore <3, phone sex, forced voyeurism?, forced masturbation?, it’ll make sense at the end idk, dirty talk, degradation, randy calls reader ‘good girl, whore, slut, things of that nature,’ randy experiences an uno reverse, could be read as dub-con, implication of more sex, mean randy <3, not proofread

Randy hated hearing about this stupid fucking ‘Ghostface’ killer. Yes, it’s awful what’s happening, he gets that, but come on. He doesn’t want to hear about yet another stupid teen who got killed and who could possibly be doing this to the town. Maybe he was jealous; a stupid thing to be jealous about, sure, but he was sick and tired of everyone ignoring him.

It was after a long night of drinking that he came up with the idea. He was alone, watching some shitty movie that got cut off by a news report. Another fucking killing, some girl he had seen around school and her boyfriend. He shut the tv off with a huff, laying back on the couch, stewing. Why was he so angry? He didn’t want to kill people. Hell, he felt awful every time he heard about it.

But something about knowing how hyped the school would be on Monday is what made him angry. Every fucking conversation would be dominated about it. The idea came pretty quickly, surprisingly. It was something he’d have to think about later, though. Randy stands, grabbing his keys and leaving the house. It was Friday night, almost 7pm, and he knew he’d have at least a full day to go do what he needed to.

The drive was a long one and he had to stop to get more gas twice. He wasn’t even thinking if he was being honest, it was like he was moving on autopilot. Randy had driven for almost four hours to get five towns over. The store, surprisingly, was still open when he got there at just before 11. “Welcome to Spirit. We close in just ten minutes, sir.”

The kid stationed at the register looked younger than Randy and looked dead in the eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll be out in just two minutes, swear.” The kid nods, muttering under his breath something that Randy didn’t care to try and decipher. The costume was easy to find, thankfully, and Randy truly was in and out within two minutes. “Have a nice one, kid.”

“You too, sir… you know, I heard that a few towns over, some people are gettin’ killed by a creep wearing that.” The kid says, nodding his head at the bagged costume. Randy raises an eyebrow and the kid continues. “I don’t know how they can find him, though, I mean, you’re the fortieth person to buy that damn thing today.”

“Oh… well, hopefully they're able to figure it out soon and stop that asshole.” Randy’s voice was level but his throat felt like it was closing up. He leaves the shop and gets inside his car, sitting still for a moment as he really thinks about what he’s doing. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He shouldn’t do this, he should go and return the fucking costume, head home, and act like nothing happened.

His phone rings and he jumps slightly, pulling it from his pocket and seeing your name. “Hello?” He starts the car, tucking the phone under his ear as he starts to drive.

You were at home, alone, curled up on the couch. “Hey, Randy! Are you busy? I wanted to see if you’d be able to come over and hang out.” Your words hit Randy like a brick to the throat.

“Oh! Uhm, no, unfortunately. I’m actually out of town for the night.”

“Aww, that sucks. I hope you have fun, though; make sure to tell me all about it when you get back home.”

Randy chews at his bottom lip, the plan formulating into his mind as the seconds tick by. “I will. What’re you gonna do since you don’t have little old me to keep you company?”

Snorting, you shift your weight on the couch. “Not sure. I’ll probably just watch another movie or two and head off to bed.” The two of you say goodbye and hang up but Randy’s attention is still focused on you. He shouldn’t even be thinking about doing this, especially not to you, but god when he thought about the look on your face and the fear in your voice? It was too good to pass up.

A few hours later his car is parked a block away from your house and he’s standing outside your window. You were still on the couch, the house dark except for the flashing lights from the tv illuminating your sleeping form. The costume was itchy and hot, beads of sweat rolling down his neck. His lips were drying out and he was starting to find it hard to breathe.

“Come on, Randy. You can do it. Just a phone call, scare her, and get the fuck outta here, that’s it.” He mutters to himself, double checking that no one from the street could see him. The blackness of the costume was helping conceal him, sure, but that didn’t help soothe his fears. He pulls out his phone and goes to hit your contact but stops, deciding to star 69 you.

He knows you leave the back door unlocked; a bad habit of yours. The phone beside you lights up and he watches as you clumsily reach for your phone. “Hello?”

“Hello.”

You pause, waiting for the person on the other end to answer. “Uhm… did you need something?”

“Sorry. Who is this?” Randy had heard about the so-called spiel the killer did with each phone call and so did you. His heart was starting to pound out of his chest and he watched as you sat up, rubbing at your eyes.

“Listen, if you’re trying to call someone you obviously have the wrong number. Bye.”

You hang up and Randy watches intently as he calls back. With a sigh you answer the phone again. “Sorry about the last call, I had the wrong number.”

“So why’d you call back if it was the wrong one?”

“I wanted to apologize for bothering such a pretty girl.”

A beat passes. You swallow hard, looking around your dark house. “How…”

“How do I know you’re pretty?” He can’t bite back his laugh when you let out a strangled noise. “Because I’ve been watching you.”

“Fuck you, you freak.”

“Hang up and I’ll make sure you don’t live past the night you fucking whore.” His words stop you in your tracks and you could feel tears pricking at your eyes. “Yeeeeah, that’s a good girl.” You suck in a breath involuntarily at the name and pray he didn’t hear that. “Y’know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were getting off on this.”

You scoff, or try to at least, and ignore the wetness between your thighs. The feeling of someone's eyes on you won't go away and the hair on the back of your neck is beginning to stand up. “No. You’re just a freak who thinks everyone feels how he does.”

Randy couldn’t take his fucking eyes off of you. “So you didn’t get a surge of pleasure from me calling you a good girl?” The last two words were pointed and slow, drawing the phrase out. An audible shudder leaves you and your eyes screw shut as he laughs. Who is this? “And I’m the freak. It seems you find this just as hot as I do.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you to touch yourself.” The words shock Randy just as much as they do you. You stumble over your protests, your mind reeling; this can’t be real. “Shut the fuck up.” He maneuvers himself until he’s laying on his knees and begins to undo his belt, the noise audible on the other end of the call. “You’re gonna be good and finger that pretty cunt of yours and, if you’re good enough, I won’t come in there and rip you apart.”

Silence. Randy’s doing everything he can to keep his breathing in check. He shouldn’t be into this as much as he is. “I… I am.” You lie, not having moved from your position since he had called in the first palace. Randy tsks into the phone.

“No, you’re not. I don’t like liars, Y/N,” The tears fall freely from your eyes now. “I told you I’m watching. Now, you’re going to lay down on the couch, take off your clothes, and spread your legs for me.” Randy is thankful for the mask when you turn around suddenly and find his silhouette in the window.

“Wha-?”

“You try anything and you’re fucking dead, understood? Think about it; do you really think you can live long enough to fight me off and wait for the police?” The two of you are staring at each other, unblinking. Though you can’t see most of his body, you can clearly make out his mask in the darkness. Chills were going up your spine at the sight of the ghostly mask, one that had been a dozen people's last sight before they died. You nod. “Good girl. Get to it, then.”

Still unable to move your gaze, you do as he says. Slowly, and with shaky hands, you remove your shirt, placing it beside you on the coffee table. Your pants and underwear were the next to go and then you were completely naked and at the mercy of a killer.

Laying back on the couch, you bring the phone back up to your ear. “Spread your legs.” You finally are able to look away from him as you do so but a shiver goes down your spine when you hear him exhale on the other side of the line. “So fuckin’ wet, aren’t you?” You can’t make yourself answer him, especially because your answer would only fuel him more. “Answer me!”

“Y-yes! Yes, I-I am.” You choke out, jumping at the sudden aggression from the man. He hums and you force yourself to look back over. He’s moved closer to the window and now you can make out his body from the street-lights. His jeans were pushed down his thighs and his gloved hand was wrapped around his cock.

“God, I might have to come inside and see for myself.” The words leaving his lips should make your skin crawl but they don’t; they do the opposite. A breathy sigh grabs his attention. “Ha! You want me to go in there and fuck you, is that it? What fucking pathetic whore, wanting a killer to come into her home and fuck her silly.”

You swallow hard. Your head was reeling and your cunt was aching, something he could practically smell. “Tell me what you’d want me to do with you if I was inside.”

“I don’t know…”

“Not good enough. Do you want me to fuck you or gut you?”

“Okay, okay, wait, please. Just… I can’t think,” Knowing he was right outside, a stone throw away, was getting to be too much for you. “I… I’d like you to touch me…”

He laughs harshly. “God, you’re even more pathetic than I thought. If I was in there with you, I’d do more than just touch you.” You can see his hand moving slowly, up and down, and it dawns on you that he’s jerking himself off to the sight of you. “Fuuuuck. Yeah, I’d bury my fucking tongue in your pussy. You probably taste so fuckin’ sweet.”

Your hands slide down your body slowly and you let out a quiet moan when your fingers brush against your nipples. “You can see me out here, right?”

“Yes.”

“Course you can. Bet you’re dying for a cock down your throat, huh?” He laughs at you and you can feel his eyes still on you as you finally reach your clit. “Move the phone closer to your pussy. I wanna hear how wet I’m makin’ you.” The request, paired with the insertion of two of your fingers, has your back arching off of the couch slightly. You hold the phone down by your thigh and slowly pump your fingers inside yourself. His hand had started to speed up at the sight of you.

Bringing the phone back up to your ear, you get a rush of confidence. “Did you like that?” You tuck the phone under the ear and let your other hand fall to your nipples. If you were stuck in this position, you might as well get some relief from it. “Wish it were your fingers inside me, your cock down my throat. Bet you’re huge.”

“Fucking whore, flirting with the man who wants to play around in her blood.” You watch as the man lifts his mask slightly, revealing only his mouth long enough for a glob of spit to land onto his cock. He pulls it back down and now you can hear the squelch of him masturbating. “I can just imagine how tight your pussy is. You ever been fucked?”

“No, not in a while,” Your eyes flutter shut as you push back the mounting shame. “I haven’t been fucking by someone who could do it right, at least.” Pushing your fingers inside you harder, your palm rubbing against your clit harshly. “Fu-fuck. God, I’m already so close.”

Randy is moaning into the phone, bordering on whimpers, and it only fuels you more. “You could take my cock so well. What do you think? Should I just go in there, flip you over, and fuck you until you can’t talk? Yeah, bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’d love for me to break in there and take what’s mine.”

Your orgasm sneaks up on you and it’s one of the best you’ve had in a long time. You hadn’t been lying; you really haven’t been fucked in a long time. Gasping out a moan, your eyes screw shut and your hands never stop moving. The sound of how wet you were is almost obscene.

“Fuck yeah, fucking whore, take it! Yeah, good little slut, take my cum, just like that.” The man's voice falters as he cums and you open your eyes back up fast enough to watch him spill over his hand. “Such a good girl for me.”

“Thanks, Randy.” The man’s head whips forwards and you can’t help but laugh. “What, did you think I didn’t know what you sound like on the phone?”

You sit up, grabbing your shirt and pants off of the coffee table. Putting on a show, you pull your clothes back on slowly, making sure to give Randy a clear view of your ass. “How’d- I mean, why’d-”

“How’d I know it was you? You called me less than two hours ago, I just figured you were doing some weird prank or something. And why did I go along with it?” You flop back onto the couch and turn to face him. He was tucked back inside his pants and had finally taken off that damn mask. “I thought it was hot. Now, are you gonna come in here and make good on that promise or do I actually need to call the cops?”

“You’re crazy…” He flashes you a smile and stands up, ready to hang up when you say something he can’t quite make out. “What was that?”

“I said, you better keep the same energy you had on the phone when you finally fuck me.”