#tryna get this update out before school starts in a few days | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hearteyes-for-killmonger · 4 years

Text

Line Love

Having just set out a hop so fire, he still felt it, Erik crossed the square surrounded by various greek organizations in his green fatigues, tucked into his gold-sprayed military boots. His purple fitted tee with the golden symbol of the bruhs accentuated the gains he'd been working hard on, training day in and day out to build. Since crossing, he'd been the talk of the greeks as one of the best in his line. He was active and dedicated, but on top of that he was smooth.. sharp and precise. It was no wonder he'd been sought out for the kappas. Too bad his heart already beat purple and gold.

He could hear the cheers from the bruhs in the crowd and the deltas. He even spotted aka's and sigmas calling and played it up by stripping off his shirt to flex on the crowd with his six pack and the horseshoe brand over his nipple as he hopped, hitting his knees with flat palms.. putting those same palms up at his chin to simulate oral sex, his long tongue wagging before he rolled his neck and strutted to the center of the pack.

"I SAY, I SAY," he projected to his team who stood in wait, fists balled at their guts. "WHOOO'S THAT KNOCKIN? A KNOCK-KNOCK KNOCKIN? A KNOCK-KNOCK KNOCKIN ON MY QUE PSI PHIIII!?!?"

The return was magic as the team broke into their routines, finishing the chant as Erik joined back in the line. They shouted, kicked, and barked as they did the classic que poses in perfect synchronicity. "I SAY WHO'S THAT KNOCKIN AT MY DO'? WELL IT'S THE QUES TRYNA BREAK IT ON DOWN! WHO'S THAT KNOCKIN AT MY.. DO'?!"

Erik's eyes met a familiar face in the crowd and she smiled at him, her phone up recording. It was one of those smiles attached to the "fuck me" eye gaze. His eyes smiled back as he looked away to focus on his next moves, but he flexed his muscles for her. He had to keep up with the bruhs spinning, throwing his arms, kicking, and shouting on the yard and they were about to play the atomic dog. Next time, if he had control, they'd play a more updated song.. something more people were likely to have on their playlist.

As the song played, the team followed his lead chasing hard spins with forceful quick high kicks. The infamous Omega dance. Erik was the one to hit a split and come up with his shirt balled in his hand, swinging it as each bruh grabbed his own crotch for extra sauce. As they each hit their hop, one's white Que jacket blowing behind him majestically in the wind. Another nigga had cut off sleeves and a beer gut but he was getting his hops OWT as they threw their hand gestures and chanted with a cadence of barking coming from ques in the crowd.

After their step, Erik joined the crowd looking for the girl who'd given him the eye though he knew exactly where she went. He pulled up his own camera to return the favor. The deltas were up, introduced by The Box by Roddy Ricch and already flooding the yard with their red shirts, black booty shorts, and black converse. They came in hard throwing elbows and headbutting the air. He had a thing for a thic lil delta getting nice and nasty in some red, white, and black.. down to the red lipstick. He always preferred a savage over a princess. Aggressive hood girls just did something for him.. and this girl on top of being the chunkiest one on her line, had the most attitude.

"TEACH US," someone yelled when she gave her part of the founder's history lesson, yelling out loud and proud with her hands on her hips as she stomped. He focused in on her as she performed her ass off, twerking on beat and keeping up with girls half her size. Her pressed black hair was swinging like her hips and the crowd increased as they went in.

"ASSSSS.... IIIII.... WASSS.. WALKING! ACROSS MY DELTA YARD," she yelled, crossing foot over foot. Deltas were the favorite on campus as well as the sorority with the most pledges. They bragged on it every show. And as their steps progressed, that ain't change.

"HOLD THAT SHIT BRIT! YEAH BRIT! YEAH BRIT," Erik shouted too hype. He pushed and lunged to get low enough to get her angles as she balanced in a mid-air squat with her leg over her knee throwing up the diamond. She wobbled and when her line sister yelled "DON'T FUCK THIS UP," she proved herself by holding it even longer spurred on by shouts, barks, and the oooo's of her line. Erik captured it all from his phone as he was almost kneeling, losing his gotdam mind.

The show continued with Erik cheerleading and at the end of her set, he met her, giving her a bear hug that swallowed her soft body, titties and all.

"Ew, boy back up! You're sweaty," she whined shoving him playfully, a obvious excuse to touch his chest.

"This good sweat." Rubbing at his glistening abdomen, he grabbed her arms soothing his sweat subtly into her skin enjoying her faux disgust.

"Ew! Stop," she laughed pushing against his bare chest. Of course that meant keep going. "Ugh," she fussed as he kept messing with her, touching her. "Erik!!" He grabbed her tighter, playfully resting his heavy palm on the top of her head, like she was a lil rascal.

"Ooo, Y'all two get a room," her line sister, Ryan, joked walking past with a lil dance, tongue out to the music playing. That ain't sound like a bad idea. Erik leaned back and bit his lip teasingly as her eyes widened looking him up and down like he was the snack. All he had to do was ask, Ryan'd made it clear the way she acted toward him. Unfortunately for her, he only liked chocolate and she was more like toffee.

"Girl.. hush," Brittany smiled, feigning throwing her water bottle at the girl who twirled in response. Erik rolled his eyes. Brit was jealous.

"I'm widdit," he shrugged tired of just flirting back and forth. He was ready to fuck and release from all the buildup1.

"Ayee," Ryan cheered rejoining the other deltas.

"Let's go back to mine," he whispered in Brittany's ear before looking in her eyes. Her lips pursed playfully.

"Your roommate," she reminded, hand on the brand burned into his chest. He flexed his pecs for her once more and her eyes went down to them.

"So? I'll put a sock on the door, he won't come in," Erik assured. One thing about Erik that everyone seemed to know. He was always on top of the Dean's List as well as the list of people on campus you didn't wanna fuck with. He took pride in his reputation. "I give you my word, it's me and you," he promised following alongside her toward the library she'd already started walking in the direction of.

"I....," she chuckled, tucking her chin, "I gotta... study... and print a paper." She started to dip, but Erik paused her by grabbing the crook of her thick arm. Startled, she looked from his hand to his eyes and opened her mouth wide before speaking. "I-I'll..," she licked her lips nervously. "I'll get at you later..."

"Now," he corrected with a nod, "Get at me now. What's the move?" He licked his lips and stared down into her onyx eyes, into her soul, sensing nerves.. Suddenly she seemed breathless as if uncomfortable with his extended eye contact. This wasn't like the big bad Engine RED. He kissed his teeth. She wasn't tryna fuck at all.

"You playin with me," he accused watching her eyes go wide as he released her arm ready to walk off.

"I'm not! I gotta study!" She threw her hands in the air. Yeah right, he thought looking at her. "I do!!"

"You been saying later these last few weeks, Brit. You tryna yeah or nah," he pointed stepping back to watch her reaction for the truth.

"I'm-" her eyes rolled before checking who was in earshot. It made him look too. Who the fuck was she scared of? "I just wanna go out and shit first. Okay? You gotta take me on a date and NO.. Not no damn Waffle House, Erik, I mean it. I know you!"

"No you don't," he chuckled clasping his hands comfortably in front of his crotch. She kinda did judging by that comment.. but... nah she ain't know him.. They flirted, and talked here and there but she ain't know him.

"Well I heard of you," she snapped leaning in. That one was fair considering his body count was in the double digits and he hadn't been on one real date since high school. He smirked again. He wouldn't deny that he liked to get it in attachment-free... and as a young, educated, handsome nigga, why shouldn't he? Pussy was abundant.. like the trees on campus. "And you a que dog, I know how y'all niggas operate." That was true too, she definitely knew. He bit his tongue and tugged on his beard, humored. He couldn't lie like he usually would.

"Then you should know what we good at," he reminded her, stepping close to grab her full waist as he looked into her eyes again, commanding full eye contact. "Don't look at them, look at me," he quickly prompted moving her chin back to him when he felt her attention being split with the students walking by.

Her eyebrow went up with attitude as she leaned back, craning her neck as if saying 'who you think you talking to?' She looked away as if there was someone else beside her he could possibly be talking to as he glared, trying not to smile. She was funny.

"Look. Yes or no. You tryna do sum?"

"Depends where you plan to take me! You're paying. You're dressing up.. not in those boots," she counted on her fingers. "Two locations, no corners cut. I need you to have a plan. You're taking me someplace NICE and I want to ENJOY myself," she enunciated like she would on the square. "You're picking me up and opening MY door. If you can't do all of that, don't bother to apply," she spoke, swiveling her neck. Fire Engine RED, he mused to himself.

"Light work." He dusted his shoulder, clasping his hands in front of himself again. He could be a gentleman for a day. Too easy. "After this date you gone give it up though."

"Possibly," she shrugged. He shook his head, no deal.

"Nah.. If I'm a show out, I need a definite answer now. No games."

"I'm not playing games," she smiled, playing games. "I'm telling you what I want."

"You can have it... when you take this dick," he tested watching her closely, ready to walk away again. He wanted to take the Engine for a ride but he couldn't force it. She pursed her lips again looking around. Fuck was she lookin for? Someone to tell her what to do? He could do that. He pulled his phone. "Gimme your number I'll call you Saturday at 5:30 to come out."

"I got practice."

"So do I. That's early," he blurted knowing all about it.

"I got homework and an Interna--."

"Blow it off," he interjected not really caring. "Gimme your number."

She flipped her hair, her chin high with a slight smirk. She was still playing games and he could see she enjoyed his attention. Taking his phone, she plugged her digits and he texted her on the spot to be sure.. to her annoyance.

"Ok," she blinked dismissing him. When he didn't move, she turned back to the library and he smacked her on the ass causing her to jump and look back in surprise. "ERIK!"

"Saturday we fuckin," he pointed firmly making sure she knew. She had notice to prepare herself.

"Okay! Shush--shut up," she whispered looking side to side nervously again before he let her go.

#original #erik killmonger x oc #black panther killmonger #erik killmonger x black reader #killmonger smut

137 notes · View notes

tylerwritez · 3 years

Text

TUESDAY JULY 13 10:42 A.M.

JUDE IS BACK FROM HIS HIATUS!!!!

One thing I think I will no longer be doing is writing down negative feelings and thoughts and... leaving them there. No. Next time I vent, I delete it right after.

If you want something to be sad over, you'll find something. But if you GENUINELY ATTEMPT to be happy, you will be.

So try harder.

Also, my new phone background is a collage thing of me and my friends at Rebecca's house.

I originally did it as this cool way to remember my besties XD but now it also kinda helps my #SelfEsteem because whenever I think my face is ugly, I look at my phone background and I'm like "that's what you look like, no filter, nothing" and it makes me happier because in that background image I just see a boy being stupid with his friends and I sorta smile like "yeah, that IS what I look like, no filter"

I like it cos, those pictures were taken without me doing anyhting to try and look better, so I KNOW that's like. How I REALLY look. And tbh? Not that bad.

I don't even really mind my smile lines anymore. Cos they're from SMILING!!! means I'm a happy guy.

ALSO I THINK I PASS IN MY BACKGROUND? because I'm that kinda of ugly that says "male" yk, especially next to my friends who are girls/nonbinary I just seem so Boy idk its gender... the photo set is very Gender for my face XDDD THIS IS REALLY STUPID

oh well. Positivity only now, babes.

Also! You may have noticed my HIATUs from posting!!! Yeah, I'll still post, and I'll update y'all on my life... but NOT DAILY... I don't really have the time for that.

I'll do it maybe whenever I feel like, but I'll try and stick to weekly, biweekly, idk, whenever I feel like I should talk about my life, whenever things happen.

Right now I'm actually on a roadtrip!!!

We just spent a day on all the amusement park rides at the Calgary Stampede!! It was AWESOME.

Also we have spent time in #nature and I'm COLLECTING! ROCKS! >:) THEY ARE WAY COOLER OUTSIDE MY HOMETOWN JUST SAYING...

Maybe I'll find a hagstone.

So far no, I've only found cool stripey ones but no hagstones.

Maybe I'm not meant to find a hagstone. Maybe whatever gives me my good luck is protection enough.

ACTUALLY, ON THAT NOTE, I HAVEN'T STOLEN ANYTHING FOR THIS WHOLE TRIP... SO LIKE 1 OR 2 WEEKS. WHICH IS CRAZY!!! PROUD OF MYSELF :)

ALSO I HAVEN'T CUT MYSELF FOR LIKE A MONTH MAYBE(?) WHICH IS SO WOW.

see? I can totally do this! You'll see.

Lately I haven't been stressing AT ALL. like. So much happiness and fun, out on my roadtripppp!

I have had a few stressors.... but like. I've done my best to push them aside, because I know it'll be better not to think about them.

Like, I'm starting to think all my unhappiness cOMES FROM THINKING ABOUT MY STRESSORS TOO MUCH... OVERTHINKING.

However, if I tell myself "don't worry, you'll find a way, you always do" and then try n forget, I'm so much happier.

Here are my current #stressors... since everyone loves some drama (I'm listing em)

1. I MIGHT LOSE MY VIRGINITY UHHHH AND IM NERVOUS AND IDK IF I SHOULD OR WHAT ITLL FEEL LIKE OR IF I SHOULD WAIT.... AAAAAAAA IDK ITS KINDA SCARY COS WHAT IF IT HURTS A LOT... WHAT IF IT FUCKS ME UP. IDK. I KNOW NOTHING.

2. MY STEALING + CUTTING ISSUES... LIKE. I'M ADDICTED???? AND OFC IM HAPPY I MANAGE TO GET BY WITHOUT IT BUT SOMETIMES ITS VERY HARD. TO RESIST. YOUR URGES.

man if that god guy is real I bet hes happy with me (or I guess god can be a girl, or nonbinary, or maybe is not male but still uses he/him, or maybe DOESNT use he him pronouns and we are fuckig it up???? Idk I will just say "he")

(I doubt god has a gender tho lol. He made man and woman in his image yeah? So then.... uh.... he would be intersex(?)

Personally I think god has No genitals at all and No gender either. But then again, I dont even believe in a god...)

ALL IM SAYING IS. IF GOD WAS REAL. THEY WOULD PROBABLY BE PLEASED THAT I AM. RESISTING SIN? SO WELL.

... cos cutting yourself IS a sin....

That used to upset me so much dude. I read this bible passage... and it would be CONSTANTLY referenced. Your body is a temple. Its sinful to harm your body. Its sinful to use drugs, is what they said at school, but like. What about other types of intentional harm? Sin. Sinful.

I used to be so invested in that Catholicism shit, man. And afterward, after I. Did the cutting. I'd be covered in half dried sticky blood. I'd smell the metallic smell so strongly.... because I bled out A LOT... its incredible to me honeslty, how such minor styros and occasional light fat cuts can gush out so MUCH blood. It's a lot. It's more than you'd expect from a little cut. The cuts pool up with blood and then overflow.

It trickles down your legs.

But I'd be patching myself up afterward (basically tryna clean the blood, stop the bleeding, make sure I didnt bleed out onto my sheets and dirty them in my sleep... make sure I didnt leave evidence) and I'd think to myself "this is a sin, I am a sinner..."

Ofc my stupid ass was constantly begging for forgiveness, praying, reading the bible, blah blah, please I just wanna serve you, please help me, please...

What a pathetic state to be in most of my junior high years HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD XDDDDD LMAOOOO LMFAOOOOOO ROFLLLLL

like. I had a corner of the school I used SPECIFICALLY to cry.

How sad...

BUT NOW IM IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!! AND I AM PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE

0 CRYING SPOTS

MANY MAKING OUT SPOTS

like woah its almost like. I dont have to suffer at all.

I'm winning now.

W. What was I talking about before I started rambling. Idk. I forget. Oh well.

POSITIVITY ONLY BABES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ILL KEEP YALL UPDATED I SWEAR

SIGNING OFF,

JUDE SHEPARD

2 notes · View notes

artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

Level Up, Chapter Seven (Branjie) - Holtzmanns

“Mom, I’m not going on a date with your financial advisor.” Vanessa has to resist the urge to roll her eyes, knowing that her mom won’t hesitate to rip her a new one for it if she catches her.

“He’s young and tall and wears a suit.” Vanessa’s mom points the spatula in her hand in her direction. “Don’t you wanna date a suit?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s you that wants to date a suit.” Vanessa raises an eyebrow as she hops onto the counter, her legs dangling.

AN: New chapter time - thank you guys for being so patient and waiting for this one. Writing is going a bit slow for me these days, which means slower updates. To anyone who’s left a review on this story, hi I love you, thanks for being great and giving me even more motivation to write. Seeing people are actually reading and enjoying a fic because they say so is a good kick in the butt for any author’s muse. Let me know what you think of this chapter, too. As always, thank you writ for betaing <3

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not, he’s cute! And polite too, you know how much I like that.”

“He’s young and tall and wears a suit.” Vanessa’s mom points the spatula in her hand in her direction. “Don’t you wanna date a suit?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s you that wants to date a suit.” Vanessa raises an eyebrow as she hops onto the counter, her legs dangling.

Vanessa’s mom shrugs her shoulders. “Just tryna help you out, baby. You haven’t dated anyone in a while, have you? Who was the last one? That ugly looking-”

“No need to roast my exes.” Vanessa makes a face when her mom snickers.

Vanessa appreciates her mom’s intentions, but sometimes they’re a little off the mark. Or a lot off the mark, from the guys that she’s tried to set Vanessa up with lately.

It’s not as if Vanessa isn’t out to her mom. She is, or rather, has tried to be. Multiple times. The first time was in high school, when Vanessa had kissed her best friend and cried about it to her mom after her friend had started to avoid her, and her mom had told her that it was a phase that she’d grow out of. And then there was college, where Vanessa’s mom would meet her various girlfriends with brightly coloured hair and piercings and eclectic fashion senses, only to call them her close friends. It’s the difference in how Vanessa’s mom has treated her ex-boyfriends versus ex-girlfriends, paying way more attention to the boys even when they hadn’t been anything to write home about.

Vanessa’s tried. But it’s hard to make the point stick when her mom laughs off the idea of having a girlfriend, changing the subject a little too quickly. But hey, it’s better than her mom wanting to disown her. Vanessa will take it.

A knock on the door gets Vanessa out of her head and she hops off the counter to pull it open, as her mom sets the dishes on the table. The pastry box in Alexis’ hands makes Vanessa light up and she grabs it, bringing it to the table while Alexis follows her inside.

“Nice to see you, too, Vanj.” Alexis sits down across from her, sticking out her tongue.

Vanessa sticks hers out right back. “I saw you earlier today at our place, chill. Didn’t even have time to miss ya.”

Their mom, at the head of the table between them both, waves her hands. “Shh. Don’t ruin the family dinner ambiance.”

Alexis snickers. “As if we don’t get into at least two arguments every time we all have dinner together.”

The monthly dinners remind Vanessa of a simpler time when the three of them were always under one roof. Her mom would make an extra effort to get home from work on time, cook them something that they could all eat together rather than something for Alexis and Vanessa to reheat when they got home from school. It’s nice that no matter how old they get, the dinners have stayed the same. The dishes are the ones that Vanessa’s enjoyed since being a kid, ones that she’s tried to replicate in her own kitchen with little success. But at least she still gets to enjoy them now, as an adult, at her mom’s.

“Pass me the rice.” Alexis holds her hands out, wiggling her fingers, and Vanessa’s about to reach for the corningware before noticing the glinting on Alexis’ wrist.

“Where’s that bracelet from? Damn, Rob splurged. Good for him.” Vanessa has to admit, Rob doesn’t have bad taste. The bracelet on Alexis’ wrist is delicate, the stones on it sparkling under the light.

“It’s from dad.” The nonchalant tone of Alexis’ voice makes Vanessa’s fork clang harder on her plate than she intends it to.

She has to resist the urge to roll her eyes. “Really? He’s buying your love now? That’s what it’s come to?”

“Don’t be jealous that he’s buying me gifts and not you.” Alexis sniffs, before taking another sip of her drink. “At least I’m making an effort with him.”

“I’m not jeal-”

“Stubbornness doesn’t get you anywhere. He says he misses you, ‘cept you won’t give him the time of the day.” Alexis shrugs, and Vanessa can feel her hands balling into fists.

“‘Cause he doesn’t deserve it, that’s why.”

“Not that he’d want you around with that attitude anyway.” Alexis raises her eyebrows, and Vanessa’s seeing red, she really is, because fuck her sister-

Vanessa’s mom’s hand is up at her shoulders, blocking her from standing up before she can do so. “Don’t punch your sister.”

“I’m going.” Vanessa growls out, trying to scoot her chair back because she hates it, the smugness radiating off of Alexis for absolutely no reason. When she has nothing to be proud about.

“No you’re not. Sit down and eat your food.” Their mom looks tired as she takes a drink of her wine, nearly draining the glass.

Vanessa scowls. “How do you not care about this? Doesn’t it bother you?”

Because heaven knows, it bothers Vanessa. It doesn’t make sense, their dad wanting to connect now after not giving a shit for so long, and why is Alexis playing right into it? Why should their dad just get whatever he wants whenever it’s convenient for him?

Their mom sighs. “Because I am an adult, and so is Alexis. And so are you, if you’d mature a bit. It’s not a bad idea to give people second chances.”

“He’s not buying my affection back. Fuck that.” Vanessa crosses her arms. “How’d he even afford that bracelet, anyway? He’s never been the type to be financially stable.”

“If you’d ever talked with him, you’d know he’s turning his life around. He’s doing better.” Alexis’ smug tone is nauseating, enough to make Vanessa’s skin crawl.

It all sounds so fake, so put on. Like their dad’s trying hard to impress them and the fact that Alexis is buying into it? Pathetic, in Vanessa’s opinion.

She can do better. They all can. Not that Alexis seems to want to do so.

Vanessa’s brain feels like it’s floating inside of a dark cloud as she leaves her mother’s apartment with Alexis. The subway is only a few blocks away, but it feels so much longer to Vanessa while trying not to talk to her sister, as to not give her the satisfaction she wants. Because she knows Alexis thinks she’s in the right, and that she always is, as the older one. That Vanessa’s eventually going to give in and follow her advice.

Her phone buzzes as they wait at a busy intersection, and Vanessa almost misses the signal to cross when she sees the picture that pops up on her screen.

It’s a cat so fluffy that it’s reminiscent of a mountain lion, and Vanessa can’t help but squeal. Brooke’s mentioned her cats before but Vanessa’s never seen pictures of them, because she’d definitely remember such a sight.

The cat in the picture is stretched out on a couch, his paws up in the air as he sleeps. Vanessa hits the text notification that follows, trying to ignore the smile growing on her own face.

BLH: Henry’s as excited for our practice tomorrow as we are. His hands are already protecting his face.

VVM: WHY IS YOUR CAT SO CUTE

VVM: sorry no caps lock

VVM: but also yes caps lock

BLH: You should meet him and his brother sometime!

VVM: PLEASE

“Alexis? We should get a cat.” Vanessa nudges her sister as they descend the steps towards the subway.

Alexis rolls her eyes. “Oh, so you’re talking to me now?”

Vanessa doesn’t respond right away, in favour of looking at the second picture that pops up on her phone, the grey cat sleeping on Brooke’s coffee table. “Bet Rob would like one.”

“He already gets enough p-”

“Don’t complete that sentence, ew!” Vanessa pretends to dry heave as her sister cracks up, the ice that has been building up between them the entire evening breaking into pieces.

Vanessa knows Alexis and her will be fine because they always are, for how much they bicker. It would just be easier if neither of them were so stubborn. Not that Vanessa’s going to be the one to give in this time.

Brooke’s already in the gym when Vanessa pushes her way in the next morning, trying to hide the yawn behind her hand that betrays the fact that it’s 6:45 and the sun still hasn’t risen outside. Vanessa’s eyebrows push together when Brooke spins almost comically to face her, coffee in one hand and breakfast burrito in the other.

“Why are you so perky this morning?” Vanessa herself isn’t, that’s for sure. Not when she’s used to pressing snooze on her alarms until the last possible moment before she has to get up for work.

Brooke shrugs, though her energy is nervous, her foot tapping on the floor. “This is our first training session.”

“You’ve been training me for months.” Vanessa replies, raising an eyebrow as she does, and Brooke shrugs.

“Yeah, but this is the first actual session. I’m coaching you. Trying to get things into your brain.”

“You’ve done that plenty with your terrible singing. There’s no way I can get that belting out of my brain, ever.” Vanessa snickers, reaching out to pat Brooke’s shoulder as she pouts. “Kidding.”

“I’m a great singer. I got the gumption,” Brooke sniffs, “I can’t help it when Celine is on.”

“Is that why your workout playlist has so many ballads?”

Vanessa ducks out of the way when Brooke grumbles, reaching over to shove her shoulder. “Tell me why I should coach you again?”

“‘Cause I’m a delight, and you know it.” Vanessa grins, batting her eyelashes, and Brooke rolls her eyes.

“Go get changed, you delight. We have stuff to do.”

Vanessa pauses at the locker room doors once she’s in her workout clothes at the sight in front of her. There’s a mosaic of pages ripped out of notebooks scattered along the floor, interspersed with diagrams drawn on chart paper, all neatly arranged while Brooke sits in the middle.

“Wanna explain?” Vanessa’s not sure if Brooke hears her at first, from the way she’s furiously scribbling on the page in her lap, but then Brooke’s head comically bobs up as her fingers tap on her knee.

Brooke shifts in place. “Okay, so I didn’t exactly know where to start. I mean, I was thinking I could try and think back to how my dad used to coach me but that’s not a box worth opening right now, y’know? I mean I could, but repression is way more tempting. So then I was looking up coaching methods and what works for one person may not work for another, and then I started thinking about how I really didn’t know what style worked for you best and what would be the most effective way for us to collaborate and…” Brooke cuts herself off as she takes a breath, weakly pointing to the mess around her. “So we have this.”

Vanessa whistles, crouches down beside Brooke while trying not to rustle any of the papers. “There’s a lot to untangle here.”

“We can’t go wrong with being too prepared, right? At least we can try everything and then maybe one thing is going to work and I’ll actually be useful as a coach.” Brooke shrugs sheepishly.

“What are you out here talking about, useful as a coach? You’re plenty useful. Look at how much I’ve improved over the last few months.” Vanessa throws a look at Brooke, who for once, looks slightly self conscious, from the way she fiddles with her sleeves. “You’re telling me our practices together haven’t made a difference in my fighting skills?”

“Maybe a little,” Brooke admits, “but how do you know any of it was me? You’re taking classes at the same time, you’re building that muscle memory. That plays a big part.”

“And how would I build muscle memory if it wasn’t for our practices?” Brooke looks unconvinced, so Vanessa carries on. “Look. I ain’t asking you ‘cause I think you’re an Olympic champion boxer, or anything like that. I’m asking you ‘cause you know your shit and you can handle me in the gym and know how to get me to cool down. I need that.”

Vanessa thinks back to their last practice, when all Brooke had to do was hand Vanessa a granola bar to give her some sugar and Vanessa found herself able to focus, less frustrated during their drills. It’s almost like Brooke is learning the little parts of her that don’t necessarily come up in conversation, more so the ones that only become obvious when you truly pay attention.

She nudges Brooke’s side. “I don’t care if you haven’t coached before. I’ve never been a boxer before any of this shit. You think I know what I’m doing? I don’t care if you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Okay, but I really, really, don’t know what I’m doing-”

Vanessa shrugs. “Well then, we make a good team. If we’re gonna do this blindly, at least we’ve got each other for the journey.”

Brooke gathers up some of the papers around her, holding them out in front of Vanessa. “We won’t be doing it completely blindly, though, I was thinking we could try out methods that are evidence based and see what works the best and what leads to carryover-”

“I don’t know why you’re bringing up some academic shit right now, in a gym of all places, but what we’re gonna do is try shit until something sticks.” Vanessa grabs the pile of papers in Brooke’s hands, smoothes them out.

Brooke snorts. “That’s basically what I said.”

“Be less boring about it, then.”

It’s enough to get Brooke smiling, though, reducing the nervous energy that is radiating off of her in waves. “Get your gear on. We’re going to get to work.”

“That’s more like it.”

And so it begins. Vanessa’s alarm clock is set an hour and a half earlier every morning, the sun rising in tandem with her body heat during her first workout of each day. Brooke doesn’t pull any punches with the conditioning routines that she drafts every morning - Vanessa had thought in the past that Kameron was bad with the cardio and strength outside of the ring, but Brooke’s making her feel like she’s a beginner again, from how much her muscles are complaining with every move she makes.

Take today, for example. The circuit that Brooke’s written out on her clipboard is torturous, positively torturous, and Vanessa knows that she has to get through it eight times, but she’s only on her third round and she’s already about to collapse, never to get up again. She wipes the sweat off of her forehead before resting her hands on her knees, bending over in half to try and catch her breath, before Brooke’s voice behind her rings like a bell.

“Mountain climbers, let’s go! No stopping.”

“Bitch, do you want me to die?” Vanessa pants out as she gets on all fours nonetheless, her arms shaking as she presses her palms into the ground.

“No. But what I don’t want is for your endurance to putter out during a match at the worst time. You’re gonna have to build it, and not only that, but learn to push through when it feels like you can’t.”

Maybe if Vanessa wasn’t currently dripping sweat onto the mats below her, her arms about to give out, then she’d be moved by the almost poetic words. But she’s too out of breath to care, especially when all she can focus on as she stands back up is the way her legs feel like jelly and her arms like anchors that are about to break off.

Brooke’s look is sympathetic as Vanessa rolls out her shoulders, preparing to do her set of burpees next. “It’s not always going to be this difficult. Your body is going to build and build and build that strength and endurance and soon, you’ll be able to do all of it without breaking a sweat.”

Vanessa has to pause as she crouches down to shoot Brooke a look. “See, I’d believe that, pants on fire, if you weren’t making the circuits longer and more intense every damn session. How’s it gonna get easier if you keep upping the difficulty?”

“You haven’t died yet, have you?” Brooke sips on her iced coffee almost languidly, not a hair out of place, and Vanessa has to hold back a grumble.

She’s going to kill Brooke one of these days, she really is, if Brooke doesn’t kill her with these workouts first.

But Vanessa does trust Brooke, and so keeps pushing herself, follows each routine as best as she can and not skipping reps if she can help it. Sure, she can’t move her muscles without pain, and Silky and A’keria look at her funny even though she swears that her waddling isn’t because she’s getting some good dick, she’s just working out, that’s all, but…it’s worth it. It has to be worth it, Vanessa isn’t going to allow herself to believe anything else. She’s pushing her body to the limit for a purpose, and that purpose is to kick some ass in a boxing ring and feel good about it.

That’s what Vanessa tells herself at least, as more and more of her hours not spent at work become dedicated to training, going for massages for her sore muscles, and watching old boxing matches instead of Netflix whenever Brooke gives her boxers to research. It doesn’t feel like it’s a drastic change because it’s still fun to Vanessa, pushing her in ways that she’s never expected.

A’keria gives Vanessa an apprehensive look, though, when she hides one too many yawns behind her palm one day at work. She’s not necessarily falling asleep as she does the client’s makeup, but her morning workout today had been more grueling than usual, and having to stand for hours on end at the moment isn’t doing her sore limbs any favours.

“Can I ask you something, Vanj?” A’keria’s eyes remain on the client in front of her, the comb in between her fingers expertly parting the woman’s hair.

Vanessa squints her eyes as she blends the shadows on her client’s crease, trying to get both eyes to match. “Yeah, what?”

“Why are you doing all of this? The boxing, the gym?” A’keria looks up at Vanessa, the motions of her hands stalled. “What’s the point?”

“Didn’t I tell you at the beginning? Alexis made me so I’d stop blowing up in her face.” It may be the short answer, Vanessa knows, but it works for now.

A’keria sighs, and her eyes are too knowing, too willing to look into Vanessa’s soul. “Sure, I get a couple of classes here and there. But you’re running yourself ragged.”

Vanessa scoffs. “Am not.”

Because she’s not. It’s just what she needs to do, and how’s she going to get anywhere if she doesn’t? The next tournament is coming up soon, and if she does well in this one at the higher level then hey, maybe she can compete even more regularly and maybe have a proper match and-

“Just promise me that you’re taking care of yourself. And I don’t want an empty promise of you just nodding your head and saying yes, Kiki, I will, I want an actual promise that you’re gonna put yourself first.” A’keria points her comb towards Vanessa and she feels like she’s five, being reprimanded by her kindergarten teacher.

“I am putting myself first. Have you seen my guns? That’s self love, baby.” Vanessa flexes her bicep, pretends to give it a kiss and it’s worth it when the client in front of Vanessa lets out a giggle, and even more so when A’keria rolls her eyes.

“Tell me why I still care about your stupid ass.”

Vanessa doesn’t miss a beat. “‘Cause you love me.”

“Somehow.” A’keria mutters, turning back towards her model. “But if you don’t take care of yourself while doing this boxing nonsense, I’m gonna have to whoop your ass.”

“Duly noted.” Vanessa snickers, and it’s enough for A’keria, whose frown lines smooth out between her eyebrows. “Didn’t know you were so worried ‘bout me.”

A’keria shoots her a look. “Why wouldn’t I be? You’re one of my best friends. And who else would listen to me griping about my man? You think Silky pays any attention to anything but Jerry Springer on the TV?”

“You’ve got a point there. So, update me,” Vanessa leans towards A’keria, a conspiratorial tone in her voice, “are y’all back together yet? Or are you still leaving him on read for exactly seventy two hours before texting him back? Which, by the way, makes no sense as a strategy.”

“It’s kept him for this long, hasn’t it?” A’keria shrugs her shoulders, a proud smile playing on her lips. “He always comes back. It’s like I have him on a rubber band that always snaps back into place. Never fails.”

“That makes no damn sense, and you know it. But men never do.”

Vanessa’s glad she’s not with a guy for now. She’s always found it so confusing, with the games and the signals that inevitably get crossed and the misunderstandings and it’s much easier, really, hearing about it secondhand from her friends.

Not that being interested in girls can be any better, from what she notices at their next practice before the next tournament. Vanessa had her session with Brooke in the morning and she’s back now hours later in the gym, a place that she feels like she never leaves anymore, curled up on a bench in the locker room and watching the scene that’s unfolding in front of her.

To any ordinary bystander, this scenario would be representative of any millennials - a girl swiping through Tinder with her friends providing commentary beside her. But what Vanessa really sees is Monique showing off the various pictures that pop up on her phone, while remaining completely oblivious to Monet sulking on the bench that is perpendicular to her. Sulking may be a stretch, but Vanessa can tell that the force with which Monet tugs on the zipper of her gym bag isn’t typical - it’s a sign that she’s unhappy with the situation.

“What about this girl? She put a quote from Shark Tale in her bio. And she lives on the east side. Imma swipe right.” Monique holds up her phone, and the brunette on her screen is cute, yes, but Monet’s shoulders slump a little and it becomes just a little bit harder to react in a blase way.

“Uh, yeah. Super cute. Love that.” Vanessa gives Monet a thumbs up, and she can feel Asia’s elbow in her side because of how unconvincing she is but hey, she’s trying.

She scoots down slightly on the bench, leans over to whisper. “What do you expect me to even say?”

“I dunno, but flashing a thumbs up ain’t gonna do the trick.” Asia mutters under her breath, jerking her head towards Monet, who’s begun to braid her hair with a scowl on her face.

Vanessa shrugs her shoulders, trying to keep her voice from exploding as much as it wants to. “So what the hell do we do?”

“What do you mean, what do we do? We don’t do anything because they’re adults, and they can sort it out themselves.” Asia’s look is pointed, one that Vanessa delicately chooses to ignore.

“We can’t do that. They’ll be miserable. Neither of them even realizes how much they like each other, and they’ll just keep doing this stupid dance.” Vanessa chances a glance towards Monique, who’s slowly lowering her phone back towards herself after Monet turns away with a curt nod. “This is ridiculous.”

Asia sighs. “You think they’re gonna hear a word we say? Hey, dumbasses, you both have a crush on your best friend, spoiler alert, it’s each other. They’re gonna tell us that we’re being silly and they’ll be in even more denial.”

Vanessa bites her lip, because the jealousy that’s radiating off of Monet is hard to miss, except apparently for Monique, who shuts off her phone and sighs as she stands up. “Ugh. You’re right. Doesn’t make this shit easier to watch.”

Vanessa keeps an eye on them throughout the class, nearly catching a jab in the face from Asia in the process. Monet and Monique seem to be back to their normal selves, bickering as they practice their drills but Vanessa doesn’t miss the lingering glance from Monet as Monique fills up her water bottle, or the way that Monique opens up her mouth to say something, eyes wide, as they finish an exercise before abruptly closing it. Vanessa feels like she’s watching a movie where she just wants to yell at the main characters to kiss already, except it’s two of her friends who should be together but are only now beginning to realize how much they like each other.

“Don’t do it.” Brooke’s holding back a smile at her desk when Vanessa falls into the chair across from her once the class is over, after regaling Brooke with Monique and Monet’s situation.

“Not doing anything. But I want to.” Vanessa slouches in her seat, resting her cheek on her palm. “Those two clowns are perfect for each other. Hell, I thought they were already together when I first started here.”

It’s not a lie. Vanessa remembers the way that Monique and Monet would always finish each other’s sentences, and be holding on to each other in some form or another. They still do, though Vanessa does notice more hesitancy lately in the way they reach out, more tentativeness in their words.

Brooke shakes her head, leaning forward on her desk. “You have to let them work it out themselves. Forcing something between them when neither of them seems fully ready is only going to lead to a mess.”

“You say that as if we’re all not already a mess.”

Brooke snorts. “True. You most of all.”

“Rude-”

“Kidding.”

“Good, you better be.” Vanessa sniffs, though she can’t keep a straight face for long, not when Brooke’s already holding back a laugh.

Brooke shrugs, thumbing through a pile of papers on the corner of her desk before pulling one from the stack, turning it towards Vanessa. The flyer for the upcoming tournament is a bit of an eyesore with the neon colours, but Vanessa tries to ignore the attempts at graphic design as Brooke points at the upcoming date. “Isn’t the tournament that you all signed up for coming up soon, anyway? It’s at least a three hour drive to get there. Maybe the two of them will talk it out during the ride.”

“Or they’ll ignore the huge elephant in the room and just pretend like absolutely nothing is going on.” Vanessa shrugs. “I feel like it could go either way.”

“Sooner or later, they’ll reach a point where they have no choice but to confront it. And when they do, they’ll see what’s been in front of them this whole time.” Brooke leans back in her own seat, and Vanessa can’t help but raise an eyebrow.

“That’s somehow the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Are you a secret romantic?”

Brooke makes a face. “Most definitely not. I’ll take a comedy over watching something like The Notebook any day.”

Vanessa’s mouth drops open. “You take that back. That’s my favourite movie!”

“The Notebook? Really? You can’t call me sappy if that’s your favourite. Do you cry every time you watch it, too?”

“Maybe?” Vanessa raises her hands in surrender. “I can’t help it! It just tugs on the heartstrings.”

“Why watch it if it just makes you sad?” Brooke has confusion written across her face, and Vanessa has to pause while she thinks of an answer.

“I dunno. It’s sad but it’s a good sad, y’know? The kind that makes you feel something ‘cause even if there’s loss they still had so much love, and those moments are the ones that make everything else worth going through.”

Vanessa can’t help the longing in her voice because as silly as it sounds, she wants something like that. Something worth fighting for. Maybe it’s cliche, maybe it’s the thoughts of a teenage Vanessa from all those years ago who’d watched the movie for the very first time, but she still wants that feeling.

But who knows. Teenage Vanessa had also wanted a perm back in the day, and that had been a mess that had taken years to grow out.

“You’re the secret romantic between the two of us.” Brooke tilts her head and Vanessa shrugs, because she can’t deny it, not really.

“Who said it was a secret? I got taste between the two of us.” Vanessa can’t help but snicker at Brooke’s mock offended face.

“Just for that, we’re starting half an hour earlier tomorrow for training.”

Vanessa though, is unperturbed. “Liar. You hate waking up early as it is. I know you too well.”

“Maybe.” But the way Brooke’s eyes are glimmering, the way she has a grin of her own, somehow makes Vanessa want to know her even more.

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #branjie #lesbian au #level up #holtzmanns

22 notes · View notes

teddylawrence · 4 years

Text

giggles impishly as i whip this up........... a lot of u already kno teddy bt some dont n i am so excited fr the new members does a song n a dance fr them (its an irish jog niall horan style) n fr those tht do kno teddy a few updates r under the read more! Pleathe give this a like if u wanna plot :-)

「harry styles & cis male」⇾ lawrence , teddy, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is an aquarius and 24 years old. he is studying dramatic arts, living in moris and can be charming, optimistic, reckless & melodramatic. when i see him i am reminded of yellow sweaters a size too big, laughter so infectious it carries on for minutes, excited cheering that can be heard throughout the entire party.

pinterest can be found HERE.

TW’S FOR ABUSE, VIOLENCE, CHEATING, ALCOHOLISM, DRUGS, AND ADDICTION BELOW!

stats.

name: theodore ‘teddy’ claude lawrence.

age: twenty-four.

gender identity: cis-male.

pronouns: he/him.

sexuality: pansexual.

birthday: february 13, 1996.

star sign: aquarius.

myers-briggs: enfp.

year of study: senior.

major: dramatic arts.

occupation: n/a.

place of birth: syracuse, new york.

religion: agnostic.

background.

annie holland met theodore rydel when she was 15, and by 16 teddy was born, but theodore wasn’t there to see since he left pretty quickly after annie announced the pregnancy /:

ADDICTION/DRUGS TW - he was just a child too basically, and an addict alongside annie, just an all around bad person who was selfish and was more concerned over figuring out how to get more drug money than the fact that his ‘girlfriend’ was pregnant

ABUSE TW - annie took care of teddy until he was around 2 with the help of her parents, but one weekend the neighbours finally called the police when they heard teddy screaming his little head off for 2 days straight - turned out that annie had gone out to score and got too high to head home, so teddy was immediately put into foster care - ADDICTION/DRUGS TW END

for most of his life he was sort of punted around from home to home, shelter to shelter, etc., he found himself in several abusive situations so his childhood? Not Good

he still had a place in his heart for annie though, generally ran away a lot and get kicked out of the homes and shelters he was in bc he was meeting up w his mom - ABUSE TW END

eventually he was placed in the lawrence house when he was 16 and when he first came in, he had a giant chip on his shoulder, just refused to let them take care of him or try to be friends with what would soon become his siblings (there’s a large handful of them)

VIOLENCE/ADDICTION/DRUGS TW - around when he started to warm up to them is another time his mother wanted to meet up - a lot of the time if she did it was just bc she needed money, so when teddy met up with her to say he wasn’t leaving with her and had refused to steal from the lawrence’s for her, her boyfriend attacked him pretty brutally and his mom was too high to do anything about it - VIOLENCE/ADDICTION/DRUGS TW END

after that the lawrence’s insisted on adopting teddy so that he became a permanent fixture in their life and he realized these people were more his family than annie ever was, now he loves and treats them all like they’d been his family his entire life

he’s still quite close w all of them to this day, n his sister maggie (played by neen) even goes to school w him! :-)

details.

truly the most dramatic bitch who has a habit of saying wtvr is on his mind without thinking of consequence cuz he frankly wasn’t raised to have a filter bt he rly does have a heart of gold

head of the drama club at school

has been in like . 2 or 3 commercials before and is tryna work on getting himself out there more bc his dream is to b an actor

more of a Class Clown type than anything else

CHEATING TW - used to have a rep of sleeping around w ppl n everyone was surprised when he settled down w blake (shoutout neen again) bt recently cheated n has kinda . spiralled since LKSHDGKLHSDLGKHD - CHEATING TW END

ADDICTION/DRUGS/ALCOHOLISM TW - struggles w addiction himself quite badly, is a bit of a coke fiend n drinks a worrying amount

spent the summer at home attempting to sober up cuz his parents were starting to get increasingly worried bt he didn’t tell anyone that he got back in contact w annie, at first it’d been to ask how she did it n got clean herself without realizing she’d fallen off the wagon and she was jst a bad influence on teddy if anything

he was supposed to graduate last year bt had to skip exams etc. bc of how bad he’d gotten n now tht he’s back he’s determined to make ppl think he’s ok when he’s obvs . Not - ADDICTION/DRUGS/ALCOHOLISM TW END

connections.

ppl who r in his major?? or r a part of the drama club/school radio he does both :-)

mayhaps a dealer?? wld love someone evil who knows hes struggling to stay sober bt still sells to him anyway/insists he does fr their benefit………. rubs my grubby paws

mayb ppl he was in the system with before…….

exes!! on good or bad terms, he’s not exactly Faithful n also was always attracted to ppl he knew Weren’t Good For Him so something fun cld b done there

friends!!! he’s a social butterfly so needs many friends

enemies/rivals fr wtvr reason

he’s in a needed hiatus from relationships rn all things considered bt maybe crushes? requited or not on whichever side

someone helping him who knows hes struggling quite bad

the Polar Opposite n someone who’s a bad influence on him AND someone he’s a bad influence to?? like someone who wanted to get away from the party scene a bit n he tries to drag them back in to validate him doing wht he shldnt in the first place

#ruhqintro #this is quite long........... tugs my shirt collar #c'est la vie baybee!#violence tw #cheating cw #addiction tw #drugs tw #alcoholism tw #abuse tw #fkin hell............... SHDGHSLDGHLKSDHGKS

13 notes · View notes

makknays · 5 years

Text

slow dancing in the dark.

requested.

Hi! Jungkook, angsty. You and Jungkook are best friends, and he has a crush on some girl. You support him all the way, until you realize your feelings for him when he gets together with his crush. You finally snap and tell him in front of everyone. You stop communicating with each other, and you find a nice guy to be with. Jungkook and the girl break up, and he realizes what he’s missing.

genre: minor angst cuz im terrible at writing it / romance / collegestudent!jungkook

word count: 4.2k

a/n: originally inspired by slow dancing in the dark by joji but then the plot went all types of ways ,, also im not gonna lie i havent proofread so this might just be all over the place

Your relationship with Jungkook had always been a bit complicated; you guys were really good friends but to everyone else it always seemed like the two of you were so much more than that; every now and then even you thought so but you shut down the idea in fear of ruining an amazing friendship. It was the end of summer and Jungkook was moving away for university whilst you still had a year of high school left. “You promise you’ll visit soon?”, you asked before he left the city which the two of you were so used to. “Of course, I can’t stay away from you for too long now, can I?”, he chuckled before hugging you goodbye and driving into the distance with a piece of you with him.

It’s not like life was that different without Jungkook around; the two of you had attended different high schools whilst he was here with you but you missed being able to call him whenever and make plans spontaneously, and of course, he missed that too. He would facetime you every few days so he could update you on what was happening in his life and so that he could hear you go on about yours.

“Hey, you know Hazel?”, you asked as you started your homework on facetime to Jungkook. “Mhm.” “It’s her birthday this weekend and she’s throwing this party and…”, you started but trailed off, getting distracted by your other task. “And?” “And I just wish you were gonna be there; we always attend parties together. It’s not the same without you here.” you pouted, turning your attention back to Jungkook. “I wish I could be there too; I honestly miss you so much and I’m never gonna find anyone like you here.” he softly told you. “Can you come?” you suggested. “This weekend?” “Yeah.” “I don’t know, I’ve got a lot going on over here, I finally landed a date with that girl I’ve been telling you about, you know, Sam, and if it was any other weekend I would but there’s just so much to do.” he told you, almost spiralling. “It’s okay, I know you’re busy. I just miss you so much. Hope the date goes well.”

It was now the weekend and you were preparing for Hazel’s 18th beside her and a few other friends. “You really went all out for this birthday, huh?”, you teased. “Of course! It’s my 18th! Why wouldn’t I?” she laughed as she went searching for her curling iron. “So who’s coming?”, Robyn asked from the corner of Hazel’s room. “Pretty much everyone, including people who were seniors last year. Well the ones that are around are coming.” she explained. “Seniors from last year? Like who?”, Chanelle asked. “Oh like you know Namjoon and his friends.” “But I thought those guys all moved away.”, you told the group. “Maybe they came back for my birthday.”, Hazel giggled.

Finally, it was Hazel’s time to shine. She entered the the room as though she was royalty, all eyes were on her. “Hi everyone!” she screamed as she entered and told everyone to resume to what they were doing before, before she walked over to you and your friends. “How was my entrance?” she joked. “Splendid, your Highness.” you replied, teasing her a little. “You promised not to tease me, it’s my birthday.” “Birthday party.” you corrected, but you both knew it was just light banter. “So, where are last year’s seniors?” Chanelle asked. “Why are you like this? You’re always pining after those guys.” Robyn laughed. “They’re good looking, okay?” “___, is Jungkook coming?” Hazel asked you. “Oh, he said he’s busy, got a date, so he won’t be here.” you stated, the disappointment obvious on your face. “Someone’s sad that the boy she’s in love with won’t be here.” “I’m not in love with him guys, he’s got a date.” “Yeah sure, that’s why you look so sad.” “I do not look sad, it’s my best friend’s birthday!” “Oh c’mon, ____.” Hazel spoke. “I’ll have you know I’m very happy for him.”

“You know all your friends were at Hazel’s party, right?” you asked Jungkook over the phone whilst you were doing yet another assignment. Senior year was eating you up and not having Jungkook around seemed to make everything so much worse. “They told me it was the high school party of the century. They do know they’re in college, right?” he chuckled. “Of course they know. They just wanted to come for Hazel. No hidden intentions, Jungkook. How’s that girl you like?” “Oh? Sam? She’s great! The date went really well and I think we’re going on a second one soon.” “Oh, that’s nice.” “Something wrong? You seem off.” “Just tired, that’s all.” “You’re always tired these days, ____. Take care of yourself.” “You can talk. You were the same last year.” “Yeah, but I don’t wanna see you like that. It upsets me.” “Jungkook, I can take care of myself.”

Another month and a half had passed before Jungkook came home to visit but he hadn’t told you. You didn’t find out until you were getting ready for a Christmas party. “You’ve got a visitor.” “Tell them to go away.” “I can’t.” “Mum. Look at the state I’m in. They cannot come in here.” “They’ve seen worse.” you didn’t even know how to react to her statement; you just sat there with your mouth open as she let the visitor in. “Hi.” “Oh, hey. Guess she was right.” you said, muttering the second part of your speech, turning away before you saw Jungkook enter. “How has my favourite girl been?” he asked as he pulled you into his embrace. “I’ve been better.” “Oh, come on now.” “Jungkook, what are you doing here?” “It’s the holidays.” “It is?” “Hey, no sarcasm.” “Fine, but seriously the holidays came quick this year.” you laughed before pulling away from him and finally seeing him in his suit. “Yeah, it’s crazy, right? What have you been up to besides binging on Netflix and doing assignments?” “Nothing really. Just that and talking to you. How’s Sam?” “I’ll tell you that later. I want to know what you have been up to.” “I just told you.” “Surely you’ve done more.” “No, I have no life, Jungkook. Also you look very done up, strange seeing you like this.” “Could say the same about you. You’re in a dress and everything.” “It’s a Christmas party, of course I added more effort than usual.”

“Taehyung!” you called out as you reached the dinner hall with Jungkook. “My favourite duo!” “How have you been?” you smiled as you pulled him into your body. “I’ve been pretty great, college is not so bad. Anyway, it’s cold. Let’s all go in.” “You know where we sitting?” “Not a clue.” Soon after the three of you were able to find your seats at your table and sat down, waiting for something to happen but the guests were still coming in and filling up the place. “Are you seeing anyone?” Taehyung asked you out of the blue. “Taehyung, I don’t even have time for myself, how on Earth could I be seeing someone?” “Hey, I was just tryna make small talk; we’re just sat in silence as we wait for everyone to come.” “Where is everyone anyway. I know you guys have a habit of being late but even Tae is here.” “Some of them just really take their time.” Taehyung chuckled as he noticed Jungkook who was not interacting with the two of you. “Jungkook, hello? Earth to Jungkook?” Taehyung teased. “He’s probably talking to his new favourite girl.” you told him. “I don’t have a new favourite.” Jungkook sternly spoke as he lifted his gaze from his phone. “You having your eyes glued to your phone suggests otherwise.” You replied before turning your attention to the loud commotion by the door. “That’s our lot.” Taehyung smiled. “Guys! Over here!” “What was that all about?” Taehyung whispered to you. “I have no idea. I was just teasing but he took it so seriously.”

“___! Hello!” Jimin shouted from across the hall. “Hurry over!” you laughed as Taehyung and you stood and made your way over to the other 5 boys who had arrived later. You attempted to hug all of them at once but ended being engulfed by all of them. “Guys, I love you but I’d like to breathe now.” you joked as you motioned towards your table where Jungkook was waiting. “Jungkook! How have you been, man?” Namjoon smiled as he leaned in for a hug. “I’ve been doing great, what about you, dude?” “Great too. Heard you got a crush?” “It’s a bit more than that.” Jungkook whispered to which Namjoon winked. “Stop gossiping! It’s Christmas, let’s celebrate together. It’s been too long since we’ve all been together like this.” Seokjin as he sat down beside Namjoon.

The night was going great, for the most part, everyone was interacting and it was essentially one big party with various people from the high schools you had attended and people who came back from college. Towards the end of the night the 8 of you had sat back down at your table to regain energy and started catching up on each other’s lives in depth.“So, Jungkook, about that girl?” Jimin teased as he nudged the left side of Jungkook’s torso. “Her name is Sam and she’s this really amazing girl that I met a couple weeks into college. We’ve been on several dates and uh, we’re kind of official now.” Jungkook smiled as his friends cheered for him and praised him for having a girl but Taehyung noticed your silence. “What’s wrong? Not happy for him?” Taehyung whispered. “No, it’s not that. If Jungkook’s happy, I’m happy.” “We both know you’re lying; you can tell me, ____.” “Taehyung, I’ve liked Jungkook for a bit now, okay? I never really thought that he would date someone else so soon. I really thought I’d have a chance.” “Oh, umm, ___. I’m sorry.” “It’s not your fault.” “Oi, you two! What are you whispering bout? Join the celebration of Jungkook’s new girlfriend.” Jimin shouted from across the table. “We’re busy.” Taehyung bluntly replied before turning his attention back to you and making sure that you were okay. “I’ll be fine.”

It was a week after the Christmas party and everyone had gathered at your house to watch a film together; you were on the sofa with Taehyung and Jungkook whilst the other guys were scattered across the floor and armchairs. “___, you okay? You’ve been off with me ever since I shared the news about Sam. I thought you’d be happy for me.” Jungkook pouted as he wrapped an arm around you. You automatically removed his wrap around you and leaned into Taehyung’s body instead. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” “You’re gonna have to tell me sooner or later, we’re best friends.” “Yeah, best friends can normally read each other a bit better than that.” “What are you talking about?” “Hey, can we not do this here? Everyone is gathered at my house for a good time not for us to bicker.” “Fine.” For the rest of the time being Jungkook and you didn’t speak but engaged with the other guys around you. “I’m hungry; does anyone want anything from the kitchen?” “Yeah, get me some popcorn!” “I’ll have more crisps!” “Well, is no one gonna help me? I can’t carry everything for you fatties.” Taehyung started to get up from the sofa but Jungkook signed for him to stay seated and followed you into the kitchen.

“Hey, Tae, can you- You are not Tae.” “That I am not but I’m your best friend and you’re hiding something from me.” “I’m not.” “You’re so bad at lying and hiding what you feel. ___, I know something’s bothering you.” “Well done. Do you want a gold star?” you asked him as you shut the cabinet with snacks in your arms. “Can you just talk to me like a normal person?” “I am.” “For fuck’s sake, just tell me what’s wrong.” he said, raising his voice at you, which he never did. “You wanna know what the fuck is wrong?” you shouted back at him, disregarded the food to the side. “Yeah, please enlighten me because you have been acting so off with me and I hate it!” “Are you that blind?” you scoffed. “What the fuck does that mean?” “I like your stupid ass. I can’t believe it took me as long as it did to realise but I like you and there’s nothing I can do about it right now because you’re with Sam! Are you happy now? You know what the fuck is wrong!” “I should go.”The next few weeks were painfully silent; Jungkook hadn’t attempted to message you once and you took the chance to move on with your life and get over him. You had started to talk to this guy who worked at one of the cafes in the area and Taehyung had slipped into Jungkook’s best friend position. “So, how was the date?” Taehyung teased as the two of you sat down to have lunch together. “Oh, it was amazing. We went to a bunch of galleries and he took really cute pictures of us. He’s the sweetest guy.” “After me.” “After you.” “Are you going on another date soon?” “Yeah, this weekend.” you shyly told him. “Ooh, look at you with your dates!” “Just a heads up, Jungkook is back in town this weekend til next weekend and I heard he’s bringing his beloved.” “Who cares? At least we get to finally meet the oh so amazing Samantha.” you sarcastically remarked. “He spoken to you yet? You know since the confession?” “Nope. Pussy.” “Hey now, you’re both my friends so you better make up soon.” you threw your hands up in defence, signing that you didn’t start the silent treatment between the two of you.

The weekend couldn’t have come quicker; the week at school had really flown by and it was finally time for your next date; you couldn’t be more excited about going to your favourite coffee shop with your potential next boyfriend. “Yo, ___, have fun on your date, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, okay?” Taehyung teased. “Oh, shut up.” “Okay, okay. Seriously though, have fun.” “I will. Don’t worry about me.” you told him before hanging up and making your way out the door to meet your date. “Hey, ___.” he smiled as he held open his car door for you. “Sup, Joe.” “You ready for our date?” “More than ready.” you answered before he sped off towards the city centre. “Okay, but like you have to let me pay next time. You can’t keep paying, Joe.” “I don’t mind though.” he softly smiled as he sat down opposite you with an americano in hand. “I do.” you pouted which made him smile gently at you, causing you to blush slightly. That’s all he ever had to do to get you going. “Well, Miss I want to pay next time, what do you want to do today?” “I kinda just wanna chill here, maybe take a walk but nothing too crazy. Is that cool?” “Couldn’t be better.” Time had really flown by and before you knew it you had spent 6 hours with Joe. “I can’t believe it’s already 6pm; I should get you home.” “Oh, uh, I’m not going home tonight. I promised my friend I’d go over to his because our other friend is back for the weekend.” “I’ll drive you.”

“Who the fuck is that guy?” Jungkook muttered as he peered out of Taehyung’s window and saw you with your date who had just dropped you off. “That would be Joe. ____’s current crush and maybe future boyfriend.” “Since when did that happen?” “Since after she told you she liked you and you left.” “Damn.” “Yeah, damn. You fucked up.” “No, I didn’t. We’re both in happy relationships or almost relationships now. Nothing’s wrong.” “Is that why your girlfriend is downstairs having to make small talk with Jimin?” “Shut up, dude. She’s coming in. Let’s go down.” Jungkook said and even though he didn’t say how seeing you with another guy made him feel it was already evident to Taehyung that he was jealous. “Yo, just an fyi, you’re not allowed to act the way you’re acting.” “What? How am I acting?” “Jealous.” “I, what, I am not jealous.” “Sure, you tell yourself that but you have a girlfriend down there waiting for you and she has someone else now so don’t ruin this.”

“Hello kids! I have missed you all!” you stated as you entered Taehyung’s home. “____!” Taehyung yelled as he lunged towards you, pulling you into a big embrace. “I saw you the other day why are you acting like it’s been months?” “Because that’s how it feels.” “Anyway, uh, yeah, hello everyone. Oh, you’re new. I’m ____.” “Sam.” “You’re Sam?” “Yeah, is there a problem?” “No, no, no. Just didn’t expect you to be here.” “___, I told your ass she was coming with Jungkook.” Taehyung whisper shouted at you. “My bad. Where even is Jungkook?” “Jungkook, get your ass over here.” Taehyung whisper shouted as he went towards the guy hiding on the staircase. “___, Jungkook. Jungkook, ___.” “It’s been a while, huh?” you spoke, brushing off the fact that he pretty much fell off the face of the Earth for a few weeks. “Yeah, crazy.” “Anyways, Hazel’s having another party around Valentine’s and you’re all invited! You can have plus ones too. That’s if you have someone you wanna bring.” you teased as you poked all your single friends. “You bringing Joe?” Jimin asked. “He knows about Joe?” Jungkook whispered to Taehyung. “Yeah, everyone does.” “I didn’t!” “You didn’t talk to ___ for weeks, why would you know?” Taehyung replied, leaving Jungkook in a state of shock by the answer. “Of course, Joe’s coming. You can all meet him.” “So, who is this Joe?” Jungkook asked curiously. “He’s this guy from my school and I had spoken to him every now and then before but then the other day we were partnered up and got to know each other a bit and now we’re kind of dating. He’s honestly so amazing.” “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

Two months had passed and it was finally time for Hazel’s party. You were getting ready at home, putting your black dress on and deciding whether you should wear heels or vans. Then you sent a text to Joe to make sure he was on his way and you couldn’t be more excited to see him and have fun at the party. “Hey, right on time.” “I’m always on time, baby.” “Let’s get going then.” When you made it to the party everyone was already there waiting; you immediately ran to your friends and embraced them, only pulling away to introduce them to Joe. “This is Joe.” you said as you tugged his arm to pull him towards you. “I was expecting more.” “Don’t be mean.” “I’m not! Just honest.” “Shut up.” Jungkook and Taehyung bickered as everyone met Joe. To say he was underwhelming was an understatement. Everyone had expected someone Who is more like a knight in shining armour, not a literal prepubescent appearing teenage boy. “Joe! This is Joe!” Taehyung laughed as he swung his arm around him. “That I am, thanks.” “Joe, do you want a drink or something because I’m going to get some drinks; anyone coming?” Taehyung awkwardly remarked. You could sense the awkwardness in the air and couldn’t help but be disappointed by your friends. They didn’t even know Joe and they were judging him, yeah sure, he was the first guy to say he liked you after Jungkook pretty much crushed you after you angrily confessed to him, but he was a nice guy.

“___, I’m not being funny but you can do better.” Jimin whispered to you as the other’s left. “That’s what Hazel says.” “Are you only with him because of Jungkook? Is he a rebound? Because we all expected a bit more than a noodle.” “Hey, he’s younger than you guys.” “He’s a senior and looks like a noodle. ___, be honest with me. Do you like him?” “He’s nice.” “___.” “He’s really sweet, Jimin.” “___. I’m literally gonna snap your neck if you say that one more time.” “Fine. He was there for me after everything with Jungkook happened. I mean you guys heard the whole thing; it wasn’t exactly fun. But Joe was a shoulder to lean on and was understanding so I guess that’s why I’m with him.” “___, you’re using the poor noodle.” “Stop calling him that.” “Fine, fine. But you should be honest with him and yourself.”

You disappeared to go look for Joe, finding him outside sitting by himself. “Hey, Joe.” “___, can I ask you something?” “Yeah, go ahead.” “Do you actually like me? Or am I coping mechanism?” “Joe, I-I thought I liked you. I really did. You’re a nice guy, you know? But to be honest I think it was only because I needed a shoulder to lean on you and you were there.” “You like that other guy, Jungkook, don’t you?” “I thought I was over him. He has a girlfriend.” “It didn’t seem like he had a girlfriend to me. And it doesn’t seem like you’re over him.” “What do you mean it seemed like he doesn’t have a girlfriend? I met her two months ago.” “___, he literally said that he’s so happy to be single again to Taehyung and he said it whilst looking at you.” “No, he sees me as a friend. Nothing more.” “Whatever it is, you should talk to him properly. You guys have some kind of unfinished business.” “Hey, I’m sorry about this not working out.” “Hey, no biggie. No hard feelings.” “Thank you so much.”

“Jungkook, can we talk?” you asked as you appeared in the kitchen where all of your friends were hanging out. “Huh, ___, are you okay?” he asked as he turned to face you. “Yeah, I just wanna talk.” “Okay, yeah, we can do that. Do you wanna go somewhere quieter?” “Yes, please.” Jungkook took your hand and led you outside right to where Joe was previously sat, by the pool. “What’d ya wanna talk about?” “Uh, Joe and I ended things but he said some things to me that I just want to confirm with you.” “Yeah?” “He said you were single again?” “Oh, he heard that? I was telling Taehyung.” “When did you end things with Sam?” “A month ago.” “You didn’t tell me.” “You didn’t tell me about Joe either.” “Touche.” “Anything else?” “Jungkook, what do you see me as?” you asked, making him freeze up completely. “It’s okay if you don’t say what I’m hoping to hear. Just be honest with me, please?” “___, you know you’ve always meant a lot to me. I was really sad to move away from you but I was so ready to grow up. I thought that if I got a girlfriend whilst at college everything would be great, but whilst being with her I couldn’t stop thinking about you, thinking about how I left you here in this city and how I couldn’t just wake up and text you, asking if you wanted to hang out. It really sucked but I really missed you. Right now I’m not completely sure what’s happening, what’s going on between us, but I know that I’d love to give us a try, if you let me. I know I walked out on you after you told me you liked me, but I had Sam back then; I didn’t know how to react I never thought that you, out of all people, would’ve liked me back; that’s why I got a girlfriend in the first place to get over you and now here we are. I’m sorry.” “No need to be sorry; you’re just an idiot.” you teased. “Do you wanna dance with me? This song’s a slow one.” “I’d love to.” Jungkook took your hand in his, once again, this time leading you to the dance floor, placing his arms around your waist and his forehead against yours. “You really missed me, huh?” “Don’t get cocky on me now, ___.” “I was just asking.” you smiled as the two of you enjoyed the moment a bit more. “Can I kiss you?” “You’re more than welcome to.” you joked as the two of you leaned into each other and locked lips for a short and sweet moment. “I liked that.” he shyly smiled. “If only we had done that sooner.” “Stop ruining the moment. Are you staying over here?” he asked and you shook your head softly, not actually wanting to ruin the moment. “Come back to mine.” “Gladly.” “I’ve missed you.”

328 notes · View notes

dandw08 · 6 years

Text

22/9/18

Okay so I’ve been going to school for two weeks now and I’m gonna update you real quick.

Okay so I’m 16 now, woah woah and basically I’m in a new college. So I really wanna base this on b o y s ~<>~ . I mean, you could say I’m like “boy obbsessed” but I say I’ve been deprived asf. (I went to an all girls school for 10 years, love that for me) and yeah okay INTO IT NOW.

So basically there’s a guy and he fully looks like Zayn Malik (hes like the only person that I like and I could have potential with because no one that I’ve been interested in before has seen me that way. Or given me vibes. Because tbh I could be overlooking all of this) BUT OKAY THATS ENOUGH ON “description” lmao.

So the first time I saw him was when I went to enrol at the school and like I saw him and I was like “omg you look like Zayn Malik” in my head obviously because I’m so socially awkward when it comes to people I think are beautiful. But here’s the thing, he is beautiful but like he’s like.... average? But I don’t care because like he’s just like beautiful at the same time. So like on that day he had to help me and like he was either so nervous or so not interested but like whenever I spoke I would like try joke coz I was being so dumb coz my brain wasn’t working and all he said was...

“Ok.”

“It’s alright.”

“Sorry, that was my fault”

And it was soooo dry. But then on the first week and three days I saw him a lot and like the first time I smiled at him and then well...

So one day I walked into the library (heads up, most, if not all, of our encounters take place here) but I walked in and I looked for a free place and then I saw him and he looked at me and I smiled but looked away. Then I looked back and he was still looking so like I smiled again but it was more of a blushy smile. And like ever since then whenever we walk past each other or something we start smiling to ourself or laughing and it’s lowkey weird but cute.

And on the Thursday that just went (two days ago) some PHAT ASS MOMENT HAPPENED. So basics, hehehe. I was in the library and I was sitting at the back of these triangled off seats and like I was doing work and I looked up and I saw him walk in. So as you do, I like popped my head up and pretended to look around so he could see me and then when he wasn’t in my peripheral view anymore I just went back down and pretended to write something. Then I looked back up and I saw him and he was walking but was looking at me. And I was like ‘no way’ and there were A LOT of seats to be fair. Then my guy just sat next to me and I had to look the opposite direction coz I was smiling so much.

Then by the time I composed myself I looked up and his friend was there and he called the friend over. So they were saying something but I couldn’t really hear but I looked up at the friend and his eyes like switched to mine and back to Zayn (I call him Zayn) and it like said ‘she’s there’ and I was like WOAH WOAH W O A H.

the fuck just happened?

And then I started smiling again so I had to look down and I looked at Zayn a few times but he was texting loads on his phone and I looked at where his friend was but he was in the other side and he was bent down so he might’ve been on his phone too. And eventually I had to get to class so I started packing up and he obviously had a class too because he started packing up to and I was like to myself, “Okay your going to acting n o r m a l and don’t make a fool of yourself” and so I was packing and as I put it on my shoulder I saw his head face me and I started smiling like a freak show and I literally BoLtED.

I ddint even look back and on my way out my bad strap fell off my shoulder and I had to causally just catch it and put it back on like it was nothing.

AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN

After a lesson I went to the library with one of my friends and I’ve like filled her in with everything and now she’s fully like made it her mission. But basically, we walked into the library and we sat down on a table and Zayn was there. He was in front of me but his back was towards me but when he turned I could see the side of his face and omfg his cheeks were like rosy AND I WAS LIVING FOR IT.

And so I walked past him so many times and I was texting my friend from my old school about I and we were trying to realise how to get him to notice me but HE DID NOT LOOK UP ONCE. Then one of my friends at school came and I had to fill her in so we walked past him ONCE A MOTHERFUCKING AGAIN AND STILL NO LOOKUPS. But I filled her in and then we walked back and SHE SAID.

she’s not someone to lie guys.

“Omg when you walked past he like looked up and his head like snapped to his friend and he like smiled.”

AYEEEEE

like I really hope I’m not over reading this stuff because it would actually not be funny. and I would not love that for me for once.

But yeah, I’m planning on like saying at least hi to him this week and I need to roll up looking fine as fuck.

⬇️⬇️ how i’m tryna be rn

1 note · View note

thisnerdsadventures · 3 years

Text

a 2021 update

Ah, so I have forgotten to update in a million years, per usual

~ Random thought section ~

I woke up this morning and read this tweet thread about Alice Wu's director's note for her movie The Half of It. It's streaming on Netflix, and I highly encourage to go watch it, it's probably one of my favorite movies from the past few years. Anyways, she talks about how she produced the film while digesting the heartbreak of a friendship breakup - the whole thread hit me on a different level, but here's a quote that really hit home for me, especially a month from graduation: "The end of the film is each of their beginnings. And for my characters, I can think of no happier ending." We spend a lot of time worrying about the end of things and the uncertainty of things to come. Yet, there was a time where we worried about the exact same things for the very chapter we are now so nervous about leaving.

1. I'm nervous about leaving school and starting the..... rest of my life???

2. I'm nervous that my friends will slowly fade away. I'm nervous that they'll get on with their lives and I'll be slowly still trying to get my bearings, stuck in limbo.

3. I'm nervous that starting adulthood will be difficult because there are no more college orientations, no more awkward freshman dinners, perfect opportunities to meet new friends who are just as nervous as you are.

In writing this out, I felt a sense of deja-vu, like I had written these words before. So I just looked back at some of my posts right before entering college, and lo and behold:

08-18-2016: Today I said goodbye to one of my closer friends, and i realized that without even knowing it, Sunday’s party was the last time I would see some of my closest friends. It’s awful that way, that you don’t even know it’s the last time until it’s passed, and you’re left to pick up the the end of a chapter of a relationship from the scraps of an unexpected and improper farewell.

I feel like I’m in a weird twilight zone between college and high school where my present friends are all beginning to fade away to move on in their lives, and I’m yet to really meet anyone in my class yet, so at the moment,,,,,,there really isn’t anyone.

I wrote this less than a week from moving to Boston, and it's so shocking to me that I also experienced the "unexpected and improper farewell" part in senior year. It's almost the exact same thing that happened in COVID and is continuing to happen. You never know when the last time you might see someone might be, except instead of consolidated over the course of one pre-college summer, it's over the course of more than a year, the time that this pandemic has been going for.

And I hate that I said the "fade away and move on" thing verbatim, literally nearly five years ago. To be honest though, it's true, a lot of them did fade away and move on. But so did I, I wasn't left behind. To some extent, I was the one who did a lot of the moving away. And like many things in life, a couple of us continue to hang around, and maybe our friendships cycled in and out over college, but have come around again after a few years. I guess those are the ones that you know will stick around. The limbo period between chapters is a hard one, and it's nice to know that present-day me isn't the only one who has felt this. It's nice to know that past me met so many incredible people so fast, that I forgot this limbo period happened.

I know this part is getting a little long, but there's just a couple more snippets I want to share:

08-13-2016: I recently read Marina Keegan’s essay The Opposite of Loneliness, and one line resonated with me a lot: We’re so young. It seems silly and almost pretentious for me to think that this party would be so final, and yet it does, even though we have decades upon decades to build and connect or reconnect.

We’re so young, but that doesn’t stop the understanding that we are going to a new chapter in our lives and that it’s going to redefine our relationships. I hope it doesn’t change them too much.

I suppose much of the anxiety of going to college results from having to build my own community from the ground up again.... I tell myself the pieces will fall together and everything will be ok, but it doesn’t stop the increasing anxiety from, well, increasing.

I loved this collection of essays, if you haven't read it, I recommend you do. In moving around for so many years, I haven't been able to keep a lot of books in my possession, but I kept this one because that essay really hit home for me, and continues to, no matter what part of life I'm currently experiencing.

I think moving to college did change my relationships. But change is not a bad thing - your childhood friendships, the few of them that survive, end up strengthening and growing into adult friendships. And in the end, isn't that better than not changing at all? I'm hoping that a few of my college friendships will do that too - we'll go from college friends to family friends, and my kids will call them "Aunt" and "Uncle" and they'll grow up watching their parents talk for hours in the front yard before finally getting in the car and leaving for home.

08-13-2016: But hey, this is part of what I signed up for, I knew I wasn’t going to have much of an initial safety net, but I’m sure I’ll survive. We, as humans, always find a way to adapt right?

I think I survived and adapted. Not in the way I saw things going, but we can never really fully predict things, can we? One day, I'll learn to give myself a safety net for the next chapter, I'm sure. Today's not that day though.

Going back to her director's note, there was one more thing that just struck an emotional chord for me:

Fun fact, Alice Wu actually went to MIT for a bit before transferring to Stanford, and then she became a software engineer at Microsoft! I relate a little too much to her. Maybe one day I too will dump coding for my art form. But for now, in this above example, I relate far too much. I worked on my album, Imperfect, a little too obsessively this past winter while trying to digest the throes of heartbreak from one of my own friendships that ended. I still don't know if there was an ending for that friendship. I think I've spent a lot of time trying to put off the end, like a TV series that just keeps adding more and more seasons. Regardless of whether it needs to end or not (which I have not decided and will continue not to do so), I spent a lot of time thinking about who I was before and after that friendship, and I've concluded that a lot of who I am now, what my life looks like now is a result of that friendship. I'll give you a hint: I really like who I am now, compared to who I was before, and it showed me a lot of parts of life and friendship that I never expected would happen. That friendship was (is?) one of the most beautiful things that has happened to me in my life.

Let's finish off this reflective post with a quote from Khalil Gibran, that's kinda related to that point about how transformative the past can be, and how we're far better off in future chapters of our lives because of it.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

Again, if you haven't read his collection of poems, you should absolutely 100% drop whatever you're doing right now and do so! Wow, I really just assigned an entire reading list in this post.

I hope in making this movie, Alice found peace. I would hesitate to say that I found peace when making my album. I wrote a lot of songs about the heartbreak I felt from that whole experience. But the last song I wrote, "Best Friends," ends the whole thing on a positive note, that at the end of the day, I remember how my friends (past and present) literally saved my life and how things are looking a little better, and whatever happens, I hope my best friends will be there waiting for me, whoever they end up being.

- OK I PROMISE I DIDN'T SET OUT TO BE 100% SO EMO -

But yeah, I haven't really been doing much otherwise? I guess just tryna stay alive, I've been cooking a lot and cooking a lot of good good food, I did apply to an MBA program, I got my COVID vaccine (second shot this week!), I am excited to announce I am publishing a paper in my MEng lab, which is a really big accomplishment imo, I am thriving in my (1) econ class that I kept, even though I didn't realize we had readings assigned like for the past month, I went to try pastries from this Turkish bakery, I biked, probably, 15 miles over the past month, I've read at least 4 or 5 books this year so far, and am hoping to knock another one out today. Currently dying because trying to finish my thesis in like . a week, which is looking a little challenging, but I'm sure it'll happen!!!??

0 notes

sh-lan · 7 years

Text

OMFG LAST QUARTER EVER + some spring break stuff???

Took a weekend off of life Retail therapy at its finest today Even though new jeans were overdue

It’s crazy how it still came I guess it’s a force of nature But omg it’s gonna be here on the concert T^T

This nerd would have mitsuha’s theme on his playlist smh #nochu

April 2nd, 2017 BTS Wings Tour I still can’t believe it happened I’ve been awake since 8am lol and it’s like 1:54am and i’m still trying to process and remember everything that happened today It felt like a dream! I can’t believe I saw them in real life. ohmygod Hands down, easily one of the best day of this week - if not this entire year so far holy shit will continue this tomorrow as i reminisce ok but one thing i noticed is that jungkook’s thighs are actually so real like wtf? shookt EDIT: lol i never finished this but oh well

oop i just bought more rings goodbye money

my charger broke gg time to get another one

I have a newfound appreciation for the color pink or more like my appreciation for pink is coming back

When you get anxious because bts hasnt posted on twitter for 3 days but then you also know they’re resting and that they deserve this break

SPRING QUARTER LEGGO tu/th schedule let’s hope this all works well keke

week 1 recap tuesday - sees everybody in freaking AB LOL sees harry after walking out of my tdpw sees alana and dylan outside my global health class which alana is also taking, and becca and tanya lOL goes to cogs 122 to find chen screaming my name - also vania and stella <3 last class is normal - with nobody in management BUT LOL LEIGHTON ADDED THE CLASS ON THURSDAY HAHA there’s also this girl in my tdpw class who looks like lindsay lohan and her name is also lindsey but with an e cause i saw it on the email lol not a stalker

Decided to gel nails it out friday of week 1 whut whut

First attempt at 양념치킨~

been using the soundtrack of your name this past week to get over pcd it’s been a week and i still haven’t recovered T^T

went to kbbq with harry! lol week 1 sunday started at manna….having an adventure in between at manna keke “started here and ending it here?” LOL

currently craving anything strawberry

don’t understand why i need to have my email as a send&receive in order to sms to work on my laptop bb why are you being stubborn when you’ve been working fine all this time

under yuri’s recommendation, i microwaved my coffee because it was lukewarm and she called me extra LOL

i’m getting nervous about a presentation when i shouldn’t be because ?? my AB service leader self is like completely gone i wanna crawl into a hole

i just finished season 2 and 3 of htgawm in less than a week… how they gonna do season 4 i wonder

Week 2 thursday I was actually really looking forward to class today Also my rings came! Though were they worth the $50….not so sure Were they cute? Yes But not as cute as the other one T^T So i mustnt give in to temptations nowww

I found out what matcha powder mom uses to make their matcha latte Cappuccine frappe mix But it’s sadly not on amazon ):

This new tumblr function is really inconvenient cause i cant tell how many thing i have on queue brcause i have to keep switching blogs -_-

Han came to visit! Friday Papa johns Saturday Snooze brunch Infinitea Abeh hangout In n out Sunday Aquarium! Koon thai Ramen yamadaya Boba bar and then i drove him to irvine where we got coco curry! and then i drove back and he bought me milk tea with pudding

Had an epiphany It’s not anenome It’s anemone

Omg but like why dont people call spoiler alerts “spoilerts”

Started 13 reasons why with Han Finished it, tuesday week 3 Hmmm How to feel

finished strong woman park hyung sik is so…adorable? IT’S SO WEIRD. HIS AEGYO LEVEL IS INSANE

When you realize that 둘! 셋! is probably the title of the fan song because that’s what BTS always say when they introduce themselves And that BTS + ARMY forever ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I’m not crying r u crying ;___;

어떻게

Omg when you wake up for reorientation and jungkook does lives <3

highkey need to crawl into a hole tbh

You know what i want to do? Go to an olive garden Even though i know it’ll taste bad lol

Not really sure what i want… But i dont want my 4 years to be a waste ):

i….skipped out on an interview today was it the right choice i may never know

most recent ep of snk got me fucked up SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT YMIR AND CHRISTA’S RELATIONSHIP IS WHO IS CHRISTA

Lol i hella bombed my quiz GOODBYE GONNA P/NP HAHA

Week 4 weekend Fuck me in the ass i twisted my ankle and i am in irvine had to pop an advil and cruise control all the way back thank god there weren’t many cars lol 0/10 do not recommend

Slept on the couch the past two days to elevate my ankle Glad to be back in bed But i think i might be a little…sick? Fuck Need to grocery shop

Dammit i got called for jury duty

Ok but i twisted my ankle and two recruiters emailed me back the next day so was it really a loss

Week 5 i’m sick…

just watched 5 centimeters per second a little sadder than i was an hour ago

fuck i forgot that my jeans are new and i washed it and my pink shirt is ruined fml triggered

thursday after rolling over ma ankle i can finally see that it is a lil swollen and there is bruising LOL also saw an owl at school today and a bunny while leaving to go to meeting

week 5 tuesday saw two bunnies on my way out to school

I just saw two hummingbirds! 😍

I cant believe yuri and i finished twenty SMH

ABCD today Some qualitee photos were taken Im tired now

Really debating the 4th term

third day of back pain flexibility dying wow what is happening???

…..army 4th term is $75 cries EDIT: it’s $66 because i forgot exchange rate but still cri EDIT EDIT: it’s $45 if i ship it to taiwan - seriously really highkey considering that now oh dear

bro i think i just experienced katawaredoki whut

i keep thinking that my ankle is ok but i always end up doing something that ends up hurting it like hella im

Week 6 thursday last leadership meeting one of my favorite meetings because whoa INFORMATION!? it was nice wanted to discuss and add in my two cents but i honestly just wasn’t able to wrap my head around everything loool then…we decided to go to PB LOL chen, jeong, yuri, justin and his friends (including nicole, nicole, sandy) and then more people. we also met leslie, brett, dexter, allison, kenny, peter, abby, ben…and more? at pb lolol and also we saw miguel and anthony - it was like a freshman year flashback tbh lOL went to vallartas after and then came home to shower and finally sleep at 3:30am wot is life NEXT DAY ADVENTURES - leighton and i finally pulled out the weeds and now we’re tired

salty that i wasnt invited to the birthday celebration, not that i would really make the trip per say but wtf gurl

I just had this really sad thought that i’m probably never gonna ever get to know bts like friends y i do dis to meself

Wait so like i got sick while at clew’s and it didnt happen until week 5 and so i was sick from week 5 through week 6 and at this one point i couldnt taste my food it was terribad

May 12th I bought the membership LOL Hopefully it mails it correctly back to Taiwan ☺️

im dumb i didn’t save the color i wanted for my hair

omg the song vania recommended to me a few days ago was recommended by jungkook like a year or so ago on twitter lOOOOL

Just tryna level up here :<

Struggles when places are in the east coast and phone calls are early in the fckin morning

Note to self: Ridge cut potato chips with sea salt is good for stuff with dip Ridge cut salt and pepper is good for regular eating, but gets salty at the bottom LOL EDIT: per vania’s suggestion, i salted and peppered my chips

watching jungkook’s vlive AND HE JUST HARMONIZED WITH HIMSELF IM DED

Just woke up from a dream where someone hurt my brother/nade him fall and i was so angry? Was about to go ape shit on that person im ded lol who is rhis angry me

Rewatched and finished reply 1997 Wow what is life when yoon jae is life But also what is life when your idols are life Daily reminder to not be as obsessed as shiwon LOLOL

i can’t go to giraffage and elephante anymore im on the otherhand i get to go to virginia???

lol but like i haven’t been writing drafts because i often write in my notebook now but here are some updates - my nails are constantly chipping - forgot about grad photos that clashed with the weekend han is coming - im ded because i probs won’t have a weekend to myself until week 10 - struggles to figure out graduation things - paid my $54 to walk #mostexpensivewalkever

LAST LEADERSHIP MEETING (turnover) what am i going to do with my thursday nights now? it’s been a good run

Jealous of the staff that holds and records the camera during vlives? LOL who am i

When you forget that jeon jungkook did taekwondo before Hnnnngh

i just reaffirmed? or discovered? that i don’t like fruity pebbles o_o

Trying to think of a thing to put on my grad cap Tis hard Let’s make a list: 花樣年華 Strong power thank you You never walk alone Ireumeun deborah LOL Lol omg but why is yoongi’s “cheater never win but i just graduated” quote so appropriate for grad EXTRA + ORDINARY* Lost my way/found my way* Click clack to the bang Smile with me, cry with me, fly with me (you make me begin, you made me again) Ctrl+c, ctrl+v do you know “____” (hci? annyeonghasaeyo) To lose your path, Is the way to find that path* 꽃길만 걷자* Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 EDIT: i’m too lazy, i didn’t do anything to my cap lOL

Im shookt cause namjoon doesnt say 이제 feelin the vibe. HE SAYS IF YOU FEELIN THE VIBE. I feel…betrayed

Non whitewashed bangtan gives me life

May 21st My first haircut since… Since i got it cut over the summer?????

Bought me stole and tassel today Smh that i cant grab my muir tickets?? Cause i ordered all commencwment tickets SMH

Lowkey afraid of not passing mgt LOL

Omfg i knew we were going to have a pop quiz. It really happened

nicole and evelyn commented that they liked my hair and audrey and malia agreed i gotta say i’m so glad people remember me in my tdpw class LOOL

Cant get the seventeen song outta my head Shookt by the choreography

Y'all im so fckin shookt First the chainsmokers post on twitter like “see you in the summer” Then they win the BBMAs like a boss Then you see them on halsey + steve aoki’s snapchat Next things you know steve aoki is postin shit like “BTS x AOKI COMING SOON” Im SCREAMING

Yo my lyft driver dropped some knowledge again and told me his life story lmao he was a police officer in chicago and he was forced to retired and then ?? after chasing down a rapist and getting into a fight, he was seriously injured. but his dad (a judge or someone powerful idk) forced him out of retirement by telling everyone to not give him his benefits and shit and i was like. whoa bro. slow down? “embrace the unknown”

I finally tried the coconut black tie at peet’s 10/10 a mistake

Okay but can we talk about how on point everybody looked in the comeback Esp wonwoo and dk But also vernon 👌🏼

First time in virginia/ being so close to washington dc! Whoa Also gonna pass by texas too :O Knocking some states off my list

I WITNESSED MY FIRST CIRCLE RAINBOW THINGY ON THE PLANE FROM VIRGINIA TO DALLAS TODAY HOLY IT WAS V COOL

i don’t know why i never realized this about myself before but i need to be/live by a body of water at all times or i won’t feel comfortable this is weird

i told han i joined the fanclub and he like died for like 2 seconds lOL

ok but like i bought a carton of eggs and 6 or 7 of them were double yolks and i have 2 more eggs left im starting to think i’m eating some weird hybrid chickens EDIT: those last two eggs were both double yolks. this was a wild adventure

omg i knew that the TA MOST LIKELY RYAN WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OUR IDEA JUST LIKE HOW HE ALWAYS MISINTERPRETS THEM??? like what kind of constructive feedback is that if he doesn’t understand what we’re trying to do im… sigh

Already excited about the festa But like omfg they released the schedule today And just WE DONT TALK ANYMORE PT 2?? SO FAR AWAY FEATURING JIN AND JUNGKOOK? Im IM SCREAMING also sad but the radio show is right before my finals gotta prioritize, no bts fo me ;__;

after waiting two weeks, my application to get leveled up was rejected *cries* time to try again! *^*

okay but really feeling seventeen’s song as well as suran’s song like hIGHKEY

i finally got my commencement tickets the third time that i went to the bookstore third time’s the charm right? also whytf is the parking pass for all campus commencement so huge -_-

hnngh omg that feel when you have hella shit to do TPDW1 final play due week 9 friday because we won’t have class at all on week 10 then there’s the presentation (elevator pitch) that happened today week 9 thursday but also just hauling ass on things for A5 tbh what is this what is everything wot is the meaning of life when vania and i stay up till 3:30am lol… and then there’s me. tired af but didn’t sleep til 4:30 anyways cause i’m a dumbass l e l let’s not be a potato this last week k?

burger king in pc has its own free wifi called WhopperWifi and it’s so much faster than school wifi this is revolutionary

week 9 weekend to irvine irritated on the way over irritated on the way back lol wot is life i should’ve just turned around to go back home

NO TDPW1 WEEK 10 WOOT wow that means i won’t have class until 2pm whoa

“why are you reading math formulas” - yuri i was actually reading bts profiles lOLOL she just dissed their handwritings

Just spent the past hour or so looking at kakao friends merchandise And discovering that apeach is a genetically modified peach lol

that moment when you ask for a png file but get a jpg

dyed my hurr twice today for a darker shade still not what i was going for but this will do for now

Omfg i slept through my alarm until 1pm Goodbye study time?? Also omg i like it pt 2 video SHIT SHIT SHIT THEY KNOW WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HAD IT SINCE BAEPSAE DAYS. BUT DIDNT RELEASE IT. Freakin bighit

My request to level up on the fancafe has once again been rejected ); EDIT: oMFG IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T CHANGE THE SETTING TO SOMETHING im screaming, what a first world problem THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM AMIRITE

Doesnt feel like it… But thursday was my last time going to class…pretty much like ever unless i go to more school Holy shit

Oh man I didnt think i’d have THAT much shit. But…i think i have A LOT of shit….

saw bts MBIT and i was like omfg! knew that i was INFJ but took the test again yesterday and ended up INFP….but just barely P so i think i’ll stick with INFJ lol EDIT: i took the test again today because vania and yuri were talking about it again and i am still INFP…and more P this time. SO LOST. WHO AM I

put my things up for sale i forgot that i might need my light el oh el crying on the inside cause i want to keep my desk but then i’m selling it off because i don’t think i’ll have space for it and i just CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN WITH ME FOR SO LONG T^T

ON ANOTHER NOTE. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM LEVELED UP ON JUNE 12TH AT ONE SOMETHING AM

JUNE 12TH FINISHED MY FIRST AND LAST FINAL I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY UNDERGRADUATE CAREER??? also lmao i spent 45 min on the final wot

i dyed my hair darker but now it’s become lighter? wait wtf wait no go back EDIT: wait no it went back to being dark? is this a thing? when i get exposed to the sun it gets lighter and when i sleep it gets darker??? smh at light for fckin with me

so i set an alarm to watch the bts home party last night for like 3:57am and i didn’t hear it but i guess i kinda did cause i woke up at 4:05am and was like ??? i decided to watch a bit of it but ended up streaming the whole thing until 5:45am looooool also watched the numbers grow from the 500,000 all the way to 2,000,000 and then 3,000,000? it was nuts

omfg all these years of rereading chapters and only now do i realize that i could save bookmarks on mangahere *slaps forehead*

Moment of silence cause i sold my desk that’s accompanied me for almost 10 years It even has battlescars (aka X marks by Jacky, 3 of them) LOL memories ;___; Oh and i guess my chair too

lol was gonna sell that yamaha guitar for $45 but it’s going for like $190 on ebay?? so ima just bring it home

finals week hangout list: tuesday: fud with kimberly, peyton, harry wednesday: more fud with stephanie and ellius thursday: KBBQ FOR LUNCH with jeong, justin, yuri, harry LOOOOL

and so...that’s the end of the quarter. my last quarter of school ever (unless i decide to go to more school...which seems unlikely as of right now) it feels weird.................................. but! onto graduation~ looking forward to being reunited with family and whatever’s gonna hit me in the face LOL

and with that goodbye undergrad, hello world ㅇㅅㅇ

#mumble mumble #last #spring quarter mumbles #debs in college #homg #it is over

0 notes

artificialqueens · 5 years

Text

oh, my sunlight, chapter one (branjie) - holtzmanns

(read on ao3) | (tumblr: plastiquetiaras) | word count: 2505

AN: Was I going through Game of Survival withdrawals? Possibly. This fic is going to be a short little one, but I’ve missed this verse way too much to leave it forever. Hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think. Title from ‘Sunlight’ by Hozier. Thank you Writ for betaing <3

“Perimeter secured. Firebird’s room flanked by Rollans and McCrae, while Wilson and Qiao already positioned in the crowd. Rodriguez and Byrne across the street at 900 m, on the seventh and twenty fourth floor balconies respectively.”

“Thanks, Lee.” The all clear from the other Secret Service agent helps Brooke’s heart to unknot itself a little, knowing that the pre-G20 summit event is secure, that Vanessa is protected on multiple levels. She leans against the wall in the tiny meeting room, watches as her wife practices her speech with A’keria. Or at least, is trying to, judging by the way that A’keria’s head is in her hands.

Brooke may be Vanessa’s immediate detail, but having an entire team is useful in countering the ever-present anxiety that pulses through her veins, around her own safety, Vanessa’s safety, their well being. Sure, the days of sniper rifles and late night hits are long gone from Brooke’s life, but their safety has only become more prolific.

As expected, when Brooke’s wife is none other than the President of the United States.

“Lemme try again. I got it this time, Kiki.” Vanessa’s holding up her cue cards, pacing back and forth. Brooke has to resist a smile at the way Vanessa’s perfectly styled hair and pantsuit contrast with the slight frown on her face as she squints at the cards.

“Vanj, I swear to god. Imma have to hire you a proper speechwriter eventually, ‘cause you’re the sole cause of these wrinkles on my face.” A’keria’s feet are propped up on the chair beside her as she lets out a sigh, and Brooke’s glad that it’s just the three of them in the room, reporters and summit participants from other nations gathering in the larger conference hall, where Vanessa will be giving part of the opening remarks.

“Why do you gotta put all of these difficult words in here, anyway? My brain has forgotten all of this shit from college.” Vanessa sighs as she flops into a seat on A’keria’s other side, spinning around so that she’s facing Brooke. She pouts, and Brooke can’t help but blow her a small kiss.

“You can do it, baby. I believe in you.” Vanessa smiles at Brooke’s words despite her slumped shoulders, blowing a kiss back at her. “You’ll dazzle them like you do every single time.”

“You have to say that. We’re married.” Vanessa says the words with a sliver of marvel in her voice, as if it hasn’t been four years of marriage for the two of them already, as if they’re not well into Vanessa’s second term as president.

Brooke gets it. It still amazes her too, sometimes, the way her rings glint on her finger, sparkling in the light whenever she lifts a hand up to her earpiece while she’s on the job. That the woman she’s in charge of protecting, of keeping safe is her wife. All these years later, they’re still doing this. Surviving. Thriving.

“Doesn’t make it any less true.” Brooke walks over to Vanessa and presses a light kiss to her lips, lifts her thumb to wipe the faint transfer of her lipstick that contrasts with the one that Vanessa’s already wearing.

“Save that for later.” A’keria waves a hand in their faces, making both of them crack up. “You gotta learn to pronounce words like ‘ratification’ first.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass, Kiki.” Vanessa drops her cue cards on the table as A’keria sighs in the same tone commonly used by an elementary school teacher.

“Yes you do. Now, we got fifteen minutes until you’re up in front of all of those cameras and other world leaders. You want them to think you’re a fool?”

Vanessa shrugs. “I’ve met most of them, how many times? Too many times. Except the new President of Mexico, he was just elected last month. I’ll be fine.”

Brooke watches with an amused smile as Vanessa pats A’keria’s shoulder as she drops her head onto the table. “There, there. From the top?”

“Firebird in position. Rollans, take the east aisle. Qiao, the west. McCrae, I want you in the media box.” Brooke mutters softly into her earpiece as clapping erupts when Vanessa steps on stage, takes her place at the podium. Her mind’s running at a million miles an hour, mapping out routes along the convention hall, looking for points of vulnerability, anything that can put Vanessa at risk.

“Roger that.” The voice of a fellow agent reverberates in her ear, followed by the other members of the team in turn. Secure. As they should be.

Brooke lets her mind pause its process for a second when Vanessa begins to speak, the pin on her lapel sparkling under the flashing lights of the cameras around her. She doesn’t spare a glance at her cue cards, letting the words roll off of her tongue almost effortlessly. Brooke would be impressed if this wasn’t Vanessa’s norm, pulling herself together at the last minute, but perfectly so. The rapt attention of the other attendants at the summit, following Vanessa’s every move like they’re being pulled in by a magnet as she steps away from the podium, is electrifying to watch.

Vanessa’s good. So, so good at what she does, and it hits Brooke every day how lucky she is to witness it.

“…look forward to productive conversations with my international counterparts over the next few days, specifically on the risk mitigation of…”

Brooke tunes out Vanessa’s speech, having heard it at least twenty times before she had stepped on stage. She lets her eyes roam around the crowd, noticing the way that the Argentinian president seems to be doodling on a napkin on his table, his Finance Minister furiously elbowing his side.

Sometimes, the international meetings truly make Brooke feel like she’s in high school again. Still a fly on the wall, watching the chaos unfold in front of her.

“Hytes? You spot the server in the second aisle? He looking a bit suspicious to you?”

Brooke cranes her neck to look at the far aisle, sees the man that her fellow agent is talking about. Narrows her eyes at the ill fit of the server’s uniform, the way his eyes are darting around the conference hall.

“Get him d-”

Brooke doesn’t get to finish her sentence when the man lets off a smoke bomb, because she’s taking one, two steps up to the podium to reach Vanessa, a protective arm around her as she pulls through the back doors behind the stage.

“Shit.” Brooke’s arms around Vanessa tighten when state sanctioned police swarm past them into the conference hall, nearly knocking them over. She recovers quickly, though, tugging Vanessa back into the meeting room where she had practiced her speech with A’keria, locking the door behind them.

“Hey. You okay?” Brooke can’t help the way that her eyes flit over Vanessa’s face, looking for any sign of harm, of damage. Her hands brush Vanessa’s hair out of her face, pat down her shoulders and arms as if the motion is going to help her find any hidden injury.

Vanessa lets out a shaky breath, one that is nearly drowned out by the sounds of chaos on the other side of the wall. “I’m okay. Wait.” Vanessa’s brow furrows, her hand reaching up to brush against Brooke’s forehead. “Why are you bleeding?”

“What?” Brooke’s wondering if Vanessa herself has hit her head until Vanessa pulls her fingers back, sees the way that they’re dripping in blood. “Oh.”

Huh. She’s confused by the sight, not being in any pain. She’s not quite sure when it had happened, either. Maybe the way her head accidentally hit the podium as she reached Vanessa? Or maybe when the police had knocked against her?

Still, doesn’t matter since it’s not hurting her. And because Vanessa’s safe in front of her, uninjured and in one piece.

Things are okay.

“Shit, baby.” Vanessa’s tone differs from Brooke’s appraisal of the situation as she grabs the tissue box from the middle of the conference table, folds it up and presses it to Brooke’s head biting her lip all the while. “I’m no doctor.”

“It’s fine, V. Head lacerations tend to bleed. Probably just a surface scratch.” Brooke’s had her fair share of cuts and bruises throughout her life, and remains unfazed, reaching for her earpiece to quell the incessant requests for updates from her fellow agents.

“Firebird is safe with me.” The sighs of relief over the comm system as soon as the words leave Brooke’s lips are comically in sync. “Updates?”

Another agent starts talking about the takedown of the man, about how he had attempted to pull out a weapon before being brought down, but the words are becoming a little softer, a little bit more muffled. Brooke watches as Vanessa grabs another tissue, pressing it to her forehead after pulling the other one back, and is she really bleeding that much? Huh.

Come to think of it, Vanessa’s getting a bit blurry in front of her, too.

“Brooke Lynn Hytes, if you faint on me in this meeting room while there’s an actual stampede happening outside these doors, I swear to god-”

“Don’t be embarrassed, B.” Vanessa’s giggle only makes Brooke groan, lifting a hand to cover her face underneath the fluorescent lighting overhead. The bandage on the side of her forehead feels overbearing, squeezing her temple just a bit too tight.

“I really fainted? Fully fainted?” A nightmare. A true nightmare, one that Brooke thinks Vanessa is finding a little bit too funny as she sits on a chair beside her ER bed.

“Why else would we bring your dramatic ass here? The on site medic was worried about blood loss. Wanted you to get checked out, with some stitches. Silk got them to shut down half of the ER in the process, while tryna get me here with you on the down low and all.”

“Ugh.” Brooke wants to disappear. The last thing that she should be doing at her job is drawing attention to herself. She’s supposed to be protecting Vanessa, but instead has created an entire debacle for the both of them.

Vanessa squeezes her hand. “It’s not like we’re missing anything at the summit. Ended for the day after all that chaos. Resuming tomorrow.”

“Good.” Brooke lets out a breath. The last thing she wants to do is pull Vanessa away from her job.

“‘Sides, everyone’s worried about you. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” Brooke groans louder at Vanessa’s statement. She doesn’t like drawing the focus. Even if their delegation is worried, she knows that her security team is going to make fun of her like there’s no tomorrow once they head back. She’s not ready for the roasts about her penchant for injuring herself in hilariously dramatic ways.

“Mrs. Hytes-Mateo?” Vanessa and Brooke both look up at the doctor who’s poked his head into the room, past the security detail stationed outside the door.

“This is she.” Brooke’s statement is ignored as the doctor does a double take at Vanessa, who diplomatically stands up to shake his hand.

“H-hello, Madame President, I was wondering why there was so much security in my ER, it’s beginning to make sense now-”

Vanessa cuts off the man’s rambling. “Is my wife going to be okay?”

“What-oh. Yes, a couple of stitches and she’ll be good as new. Now, concerning the pregnancy, as it is quite early on there should be no lasting issues-”

Huh?

Brooke can feel her own mouth drop open as Vanessa holds up a hand to pause the doctor. “Pregnancy?”

“Yes, as you probably know-”

Pregnancy.

She’s pregnant.

Actually pregnant.

Sure, they had an appointment scheduled for after the summit to follow up after the embryo transfers, but after so many failed attempts, Brooke hasn’t had her hopes up that this time would be successful, and has tried to prepare herself for the worst-

Pregnant.

The word echoes around her brain, replaying over and over and over again, and she can’t have imagined the words coming out of the doctor’s mouth because Vanessa’s face is equally flabbergasted, equally in shock as she grips the armrests of her chair.

“What’d you say, Doc?” Vanessa’s voice comes out in a squeak.

Brooke looks up at the doctor, her eyes wide as the blood rushes through her veins because the words haven’t quite sunk in yet (she’s pregnant, she’s pregnant ), and he takes a step back.

“Oh? I’m sorry, I thought you were already aware…” He trails off, and Brooke thinks it’s just as well, because she can’t focus on any coherent conversation right now because she’s pregnant.

But then suddenly there’s a weight on her chest and it’s Vanessa, hugging her midsection before she lifts her teary face up towards hers to kiss her. Vanessa’s eyes are alight when she pulls back, a grin on her face so bright that it’s damn near about to knock Brooke over.

“Oh my god.” The words leave Brooke in a gasp, because it’s surreal, it’s not happening, not after so many disappointments and so much trying and they were going to give up after this one last attempt, but now they don’t have to, because-

“We’re having a baby.” Vanessa chokes out a sob, sniffles and Brooke pulls her closer, shaky hands on either side of her face and kisses the tears on her cheeks. She’s dreamed about this, they’ve dreamed about this for so long, this moment, this one moment that’s turned out to be a bit different from what Brooke had imagined it as but she doesn’t care, because it’s real. It’s happening.

Vanessa spins suddenly to face the doctor, holds up an accusatory finger that nearly makes him take a step backwards. “Are you sure? How do you know?”

“W-well, we’d done a blood test earlier to test her iron levels to see if that had a factor in her collapsing, and a certain hormone was elevated in her blood, one that is indicative of pregnancy-”

Brooke doesn’t even hear the rest of the doctor’s explanation because Vanessa’s kissing her again, resting a light hand on her stomach and holy fuck , she’s growing a baby and they’re having a baby, and-

Vanessa pulls back, grabs both of Brooke’s hands, squeezing them. The touch grounds her, bringing her attention back to the room, the ER room that feels almost ridiculous to be sitting in, because who cares about a small scrape on her forehead when they’re going to have a baby?

“Your First Lady is knocked up.” Brooke lets out a little giggle with the words, one that Vanessa mirrors because it feels surreal. Everything is surreal, and for a second Brooke forgets that Vanessa’s in charge of one of the most powerful nations on the planet, that her being in her second presidential term is going to make this process all the more public, put even more of a spotlight on them.

It doesn’t matter.

They’re going to be parents.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #lesbian au #game of survival #oh my sunlight #holtzmanns

29 notes · View notes