#tumblr has been a fucking mess with posting this jesus

[banannabethchase]

Adam runs into Kenny. Literally. And it leads him to make a conclusion he didn't expect.

~

Happy new year! I hope 2023 gives you all the great things you deserve. There's a shoutout in here to my favorite Texas wrestler. High fives if you catch it!

Mini Playlist: Fallout - Marianas Trench Hair - Little Mix Where I Wanna Be - Arizona Rock to My Roll - Anarbor

~

Adam is very, very late. Well, for him. His mom always told him: fifteen minutes early is on time, on time is late, and late is fired. And Adam would be fired this morning.

He parks and dives out the truck with the seatbelt still on, practically hanging himself before he manages to get it off.

“Fuck,” he grumbles, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. He sprints toward the building as he checks the time. Seven thirty five. He’s only missed five minutes. This isn’t terribly late. He can get the day back.

He crashes into somebody, and the two of them flail over each other onto the floor.

“Adam, what the fuck?”

The sound of his name, from those lips, drags ice from somewhere deep he’d kept hidden. He lifts his head to confirm the worst. Kenny is sprawled out under him. It brings back some memories that are wildly inappropriate for this, and Adam wants to punch his own lights out, just for a way to get out of this situation. “Sorry,” Adam blurts out.

“You should – should really watch where you’re going,” Kenny says. His eyes are the same. His face is the same. How is everything the same when everything is so different?

Kenny locks eyes with him, and they’re so still and silent, Adam doesn’t know what’s coming. They both move at once: Kenny reaching for a rogue curl that Adam missed in his haste to make his hair manageable this morning, Adam pushing off of him.

Adam flinches at the way Kenny’s fingers curl around his hair, rolling off of the mess. Kenny pushes himself up. He looks startled, taken off guard. Adam’s never seen that in Kenny’s eyes. It makes him feel itchy. It makes him feel like this is wrong.

“I hope you, uh,” Adam doesn’t even know what he’s saying, “have a good day. Other than this, I mean.” He scrambles to his feet and makes sure to grab all of his stuff, not to touch anything of Kenny’s.

“You too,” Kenny calls after him, but, when Adam glances back against his better judgement, Kenny is still sitting on the floor.

~

“Whoa, slugger, what’s the deal?” Jon asks. He’s stretched out on his chair, feet up on his desk and arm around the back of Adam’s chair. His hair is gone. All the pink, it’s gone. It’s not quite buzzed, longer, but it’s brown and short and different.

It proves it for Adam. If Jon can do it, he can do it, too.

“I think I wanna cut my hair,” Adam blurts out, practically falling into his chair so he can bury his face into Jon’s chest.

“Uh, not to seem like an idiot,” Jon says, patting Adam gently on shoulder, nudging him so Jon can see his face. “But what?”

“My hair,” Adam says. “I want to cut it off. It’s in my way, I’m sick of it.” He yanks out the elastic.

Jon looks at him, head tilting to the side. “I mean, sure, you do you, but what’s with the urgency?”

“I - I,” Adam pauses. He feels breathless, off kilter. Almost scared. “I don’t know.”

“Hey,” Jon says, gently. “Hey, talk to me.”

Adam looks around the room. A junior, Raychell Rose, is at her desk next to him writing god knew what in that journal of hers, but everybody else is talking amongst themselves. Mr. Pham isn’t even here yet. Maybe Adam really did overreact about being late. “I ran into Kenny.”

Jon’s eyebrows shoot up. “Like…?”

“Like literally,” Adam says. His heart isn’t racing as much. Jon’s got a hand on his knee, brushing it, anchoring Adam. “Like I’m late and I crashed into him. Literally.”

Jon’s face goes hard. “Did he do something to you?” His eyes are intense, firm, almost fiery. “Do I need to kick his ass?”

“No, oh my god, no,” Adam says. “I just – it freaked me out. I need – I need to do something.” Adam touches his hair, the same curl Kenny’s fingers had brushed earlier. And it hits him. “I had this hair when he – when we were together. I want to get rid of it.”

Jon relaxes a little. “I get that.” He rubs at his newly shorn head. “Did this when I was given shitty booking to lose a wrestling match, so I get it.”

“I do miss the pink, but,” Adam tilts his head. “Wrestling match? You’re not on the wrestling team.”

Jon barks out a laugh. “Oh, baby, no. I mean back yard wrestling. Where you beat the shit out of your friends and your enemies, but it’s planned, so nobody gets mad about it.” He pauses. “I told you about this. Didn’t I?”

Adam shakes his head. “Wrestling like – like they do on TV?”

Jon steps closer, crowding into Adam’s space like he likes. “We got a lot more blood than TV.”

“Well mark me down as scared and horny,” Adam quotes, and he laughs when Jon gets a handful of his ass, and hauls him in for a kiss. Adam forgets to freak out that he’s doing this in a classroom, and they only break apart when Mr. Pham says, “Y’all, keep it in your pants, we’ve got global inequity to discuss!”

~

“Oh my god!” says the girl with purple, bouncing hair. “Jonny, you didn’t tell me he was so cute!”

“Jonny?!” Adam says, looking at Jon with glee.

“I told you not to call me, that, Wills,” Jon grumbles. “Quit that.”

“Oh, like you can get Willow to stop a nickname,” another girl, this one with green hair, says. “Yo, Eddie, Jon’s whining.”

Eddie comes in with his usual swagger, drawing all attention to him.  “I gotta shut you up or something, Moxie?”

“Oh, god, this is my hell,” Jon whines, dropping his head in his hands.

“I’m having a great time,” Adam says. He sticks out his hand. “Hi. I’m Adam. Page. Adam Page. I’m Jon’s – ” He pauses.

“He’s Moxie’s other boyfriend,” Eddie says, clapping a heavy hand on Adam’s shoulder. “Prettier’n me, but a more sappy fuck, from what I can understand. Whatcha here for, Pagey?”

Jon snorts.

“Oh, no,” Adam says. “Please don’t call me Pagey.”

“Too late,” Eddie says, and the grin on his face would be infuriating if it wasn’t so joyful. “What’re you here for?”

“He wants to cut his hair,” Jon says. “He’s having emotions or whatever about his breakup.”

“Ooh!” Willow says, clapping her hands. “Let me see. Straight?”

Adam blinks. “Um. No. I’m with Jon, remember?”

The other girl practically falls on the floor laughing. “Oh, fuck, Mox. He’s so fucking cute.”

“Shut up, Ruby,” Jon says, poking at her with the toe of his boot. He turns to Adam. “She means your hair. And it’s curly, for the record.”

Willow nods. With the most delicate hands, she reaches up to pull the hair tie from Adam’s hair. It falls down his shoulders. He can’t remember the last time he cut it, and he’s pretty sure he’s never had it this long. “It’s lovely,” she says, gentle fingers separating the curls. Adam’s pretty sure he’s never seen kinder eyes. “You know why you want to cut it?”

Adam nods. “My ex was kind of, I don’t know, obsessed with it? I want to have hair he hasn’t touched.”

She cups his cheeks. “You want ownership of your whole self,” she says gently. He doesn't know how someone he's just met understands him this well. But he's glad for it. “Come on. I’m trash at cutting hair, but, if you want to dye it, I can help with that.”

Adam shakes his head. “I, uh, I don’t think I want to dye it.”

“That’s fine,” Ruby says, grabbing his hand. “Come on, sit.”

Adam follows her lead, and is glad to see Jon following behind. “You like being called Moxie?”

“Not Jonny, not Moxie,” Jon says firmly. “But I do like going by Mox. I like my last name best.”

“Mox,” Adam tries, tasting it on his tongue. “I like that.”

Jon, or Mox, he supposes, positively beams. “I like how it sounds when you say it.”

“Okay, you two, quit flirting,” Willow says. “If you keep up those heart eyes Ruby’ll stab you in them.”

“Will not!” Ruby argues, but her point is weakened by the way she’s wielding her scissors. She adjusts him in the chair about six times, because she’s really quite tiny, but when she gets him where she wants him she smooths her hands over his hair. “It really is lovely,” she says. “You want to buzz it, go bald? Do a fade type thing?”

“Buzz it,” Adam says automatically. “It’s just hair, it’ll grow back.” He doesn't want the curls right now. He doesn't want something Kenny could reach out and touch like he had that morning.

“You sure?” Mox asks, reaching out to twist a curl around his finger. It's different from Kenny's touch. 

Adam nods, resolute. “I want it short, like yours.” His smile grows gentle. “Make it so nobody’s touched it other than you.”

“Damn it, you sweet talk better than I do, too,” Eddie grumbles. He nudges Mox with his shoulder. “You’re still gonna keep me, right?”

Mox pulls him in, presses a firm kiss to the side of his head. “Always.”

Adam is surprised to find it charming, to find it adorable. He’s not jealous or upset this time. He’s happy for them.

“Gross,” Ruby says, but she’s smiling as she dances around Adam’s face. “Alright, let’s get you started.”

The buzzing sound of the clippers makes him flinch, but, before he can panic, Mox takes his hand. “Jumpy,” he teases. “I’m right here.”

Eddie starts talking about the matches from the past weekend, and Adam is enthralled as he feels the clippers gently pass over his head. Ruby and Willow wrestle, too, and apparently they pretend to hate each other during it.

“I’m a heel,” Ruby explains.

“I wanted to be, but nobody believes it when I try,” Willow says. She’s got a bit of a pout when she does.

“That’s because you’re a right fuckin’ ray of sunshine,” Eddie says, leaning in to kiss her cheek. She beams, and Adam can tell right then and there that Willow will be one of his favorite people. Possibly forever.

“Okay,” Ruby says, after longer than he expected, “all done.”

Adam reaches up to touch his head, and is startled to find…nothing.

“Oh, I’m bald,” he says. “Like, legit bald.”

“Yep,” Ruby says. “But, if you’re freaking out, it will grow back. Probably curlier than before.”

“That sounds good to me,” Mox says, grinning.

Adam stands as Willow and Ruby guide him to a mirror, with Eddie behind them saying, “Not the one in the bedroom! Don’t let him see my bedroom!”

“It’s messy,” Mox says in Adam’s ear, sending shivers down his spine, “it’s not for any, like murdery reason.”

“I hate that you felt you needed to clarify that,” Adam mutters back, but any further comments are silenced by the man looking back at him in the mirror. It hits him that the person, the man, is himself. “Whoa.”

His eyes are the focus now. Blues and greens in his eyes stand out when he looks at his face, the red of his lips, and it’s almost too much.

“You look great,” Ruby says, patting his shoulder. “Not to toot my own horn, but the buzz cut ended up being nice and even.” She rubs his head. “Plus, your head feels nice.”

Mox looks at him, expectantly.

“Yes,” Adam says, grumbling as he leans down a little, “you can all pet my head.”

There’s murmurs of delight as everybody rubs at his newly shaved head, but he can’t stop looking at himself. He looks different. Older. But mostly different. Mox rests his hands on Adam's shoulders, gentle. 

“I’m ordering pizza,” Willow announces, grabbing at Eddie’s and Ruby’s hands. She gives Adam a knowing look, like she knows what he thought of before it even fully formed in his mind. “Come on, we need to pool our cash to make sure we have enough money.”

Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but Ruby, who apparently caught on, slaps her hand over his mouth. “Dude, they’re having a moment, give them a second.”

Adam grins, ducking his head as they walk away. He wonders for the first time if the blush that so often paints his cheeks will spread to his scalp, if his emotions will be even more apparent now.

He wonders if he’s worn his hair as a shield for all this time.

“You look great, if that’s what you’re freaking out about,” Mox murmurs, pressing a kiss to the side of Adam’s neck. He slides his hands down Adam's arms. “I like it.”

Adam leans back into him, reaching behind for his hands and pulling them around himself. Mox gets the hint and hugs him tight, resting his chin on Adam’s shoulder. “I wish so much of me wasn’t him,” Adam says, and it’s half to himself in the mirror and half to the boy who’s held him up.

“It’s not,” Mox says, so firm it makes Adam meet his eyes in the mirror. “You’re Adam. You’re the dorky ass cowboy who looks good when he laughs and better when he’s naked.” He spins Adam so there’s no more mirror warring for his attention. “I like you because you, Adam Page, are a goddamn dream, okay?” He cups Adam’s face in his hands, grabbing with a little more intent than Adam’s used to. “Stop comparing yourself to who you were when he thought he owned you.”

Adam swallows. He knows this moment means a lot, he knows he should be taking it to heart, but Mox’s lips look soft and pretty, and Adam’s never been the best at willpower. He leans in, diving so he can maybe taste a few of those words before they fall away into the air, and Mox grabs him with such tenacity that Adam feels like, maybe, he’ll be anchored here as long as he needs to be.

He walks Mox backward until his back hits the door and Adam can line his body up against Mox’s. He knows there’s people on the other side of the door, but he’s seventeen and stupid and so into this guy that he doesn’t care.

Mox presses right back against him, giving as good as he’s getting, and Adam thinks he could get drunk on this better than on anything else.

“No having sex on my bed!” Eddie yells.

Adam pulls away, grinning. “Eddie has spoken.”

[chloeangelic]

😭Why am I crying in the club rn?😭

Listed by author in alphabetical order cause I'm an organized bitch, here are the fics that made me Sit And Think™️ (or cry) in 2023, or

✨ my top 5 gut wrenching authors selection ✨

featuring @atinylittlepain @cherubispunk @macfrog @netherfeildren and @5oh5 🤍🤍🤍

Everyone knows I love angst, I love terrible gut wrenching pain and suffering and then I love it when my tears are drying on my cheeks and they fuck nasty, hell yeah 😎

So if you're like me, here are some recommendations!!

💙 @atinylittlepain

Deliver Me From Nowhere

Read the whole thing in one night and cried repeatedly during. I had it looming in the back of my mind for weeks but didn't feel like I was in the right headspace until I suddenly was, and it hit differently. I love Dolores, I love Joel, I love how he sees her, their dynamic, the exploration of her emotions and headspace, her body language. Fantastic. Want to cry just thinking about it so I'm gonna STOP.

June

Sat and stared at the wall for a long time after this one, then worked up the courage to post TMWH which I seriously don't think I would've had the guts to post had it not been for June. I love how it handles a sensitive, painful, and very real subject, I love that it doesn't paint Joel as a fixer or savior but rather a realistic, kind partner. Again, his understanding of her and how he makes space for her is something I appreciate so much in DMFN and June.

💗 @cherubispunk

Cherub

This one is an excruciating Sit And Think - I didn't cry but I sat there paralyzed for 48 hrs with a thousand yard stare, just thinking intensely about it, after my second read through. Two chapters and I'm already messed tf up over it!! I read them in the middle of the night and then during the day and I have never been this messed up over something labeled PWP before. The passion, the ominous vibes, Cherub being so soft and Joel having this strange dark vibe... I literally just thought about it constantly for two days and I still can't fully put my finger on why. It just slithered into my brain and I still think about it often and go back to read bits and pieces like a little treat.

💚 @macfrog

All Three Dogs

Max posted this on my most depressed day of 2023 so like fuck you ??? I'm sorry like this is phenomenally written and stunning but like what the fuck is wrong with u i'm not even giving u any more compliments on this one bruv sorry you made me like a DBF series and that's a mortal sin so YOU'RE DONE !!! Fucking dead mackerel eyes speak into the mic bitch chicago sunroof 1 after magna carta i am not crazy squat cobbler jesus christ marie lookin ass

Sweet Child O' Mine - particularly pt ii

This one is so cute and yet it hurts so much. It's so real, the MC is so... I don't even know what to say, she's so on her own and she seems so kind and selfless and it just hurts to think about her cause you can feel her love for her child and for Joel and ugh. She tries so hard to be the best person she can be for everyone and it's one of those situations where nobody is doing anything wrong and yet everyone either is already hurt or gonna get hurt, and I think it's that oscillation between love and hurt that really gets me. I also read this in the middle of the night and all I had to say in my RB was like "thanks for making me cry asshole" (I'm known for my profound commentary).

💜 @netherfeildren

Fear of God - particularly the epilogue

Fear of God is my all-time fav Joel series, the best Joel characterization I've come across and it generally set the tone for my taste in fic. It was the second series I started reading on here when I came back to Tumblr, and it's the first piece of writing that has ever truly moved me. His character arc is absolutely INSANE !! I made the mistake of reading the epilogue while listening to Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish, and for months I couldn't listen to it without crying. The day before my graduation, I kept listening to it on repeat in some strange form of self-torture and I had to explain to my bf why I was sobbing. Try to explain all of FoG in a coherent way through tears, I dare u ! I can't say much without spoiling but basically when I think back on getting into fanfic, FoG is what marks the beginning for me and I will never ever forget this piece of writing ever in my life. (Shoutout to when I got caught getting a nut off to one of the FoG extras - I can't really talk about the series without mentioning that)

The Cassandra Complex - particularly ch I, ch IV, and ch VIII

I didn't give much of a fuck about Din before TCC cause i saw him as like a taller hotter R2D2 and now here I am... Eating my words like a ration pack. I have to do a big girthy throbbing TCC reblog cause I have a lot to say about my fav series in the world but basically I can't read ch 4 without crying and even though this is a Star Wars fic and it makes no sense for me to relate to it the most out of anything on Vic's ML, sith girly is the most relatable MC thanks to her constantly feeling haunted by her past, feeling like she's hiding, feeling unworthy, torpedoing herself, and seeing so much beauty in others but struggling to see it in herself. I'll save the rest of my thoughts for the big RB but basically I've even cried at the fucking SMUT in this series like I'm on another planet when I read it (haha get it?? cause Star Wars??)

🧡 @5oh5

From Eden

Staring At The Wall Saturdays again - I hate how much I see my younger self in little sunflower girlie, I hate that I recognize how trapped she feels in her marriage. It's such an accurate portrayal of feeling chained to a man who doesn't deserve you, and of how guilty you feel for not even acting on feelings for someone else yet but just recognizing within yourself that you deserve better, like that pain of accepting that you're not treated right and that visceral feeling of unfairness that comes with being in the wrong relationship. The guilt you feel for even just thinking it, you know? And having to recognize how you've been treated. Ugh. Also this Joel is... His mannerisms are... I.... I'll be right back-

And now, for the most important award ever. The winner of

🏆Biggest Chloe Tear Jerker 2023🏆 is...

🎉 @netherfeildren 🎉 and this is her 24/7

[stinger-shot]

Yey! Silly vent because I feel like shit!

Read under the cut if you want the juicy ass details

So basically, I gotta let this shit out.. its fucking me up a bit rn.

I met this dude around the start of 2021 on tiktok AND HE WAS SO TALENTED AND FUNNY but he always said he wasn't. Anyway time skip a lil..

We started getting into a few arguments near the middle of 2022. And they where just small disagreements then they gradually got worse and worse every time it happend. And it especially got bad when I made another friend on tiktok who loved doing art related things and drew my old persona back then.

And HE WAS NOT HAVING IT and he said quite alot of bad things to me. Did I stay friends with him? Yes I did. Did I also block the nice guy just trying to be my friend? Yes. I blocked them out of fear of loosing my best friend.

And near the end of 2022 we started dating because things had gotten a better.

Oh how I was so wrong. Everything just went downhill when he left high-school. He always needed attention. He got mad at me because I couldn't set an alarm BECAUSE he was up at 10am and I was up near 1pm. So I forced myself to do so mutch bullshit for him. Like draw him art as an apology and it drained me do badly I could hardly do my own personal art.

I didn't even have personal art at this point. Every time I fixated on something it was what he was fixating on because he'd get mad at me and argue with me if I wasn't.

But everything was calm when it was around April in 2023 and we where finally getting along like an actul couple because of a game called final fantasy. We where obsessed with it for months! And then around June or July I re discovered transformers.

I have never felt as happy in a fandom since 2019! Like holy shit the fandom is so sweet.

But I kept it a secret from him he still doesn't know. Then at some point I made this tumblr to get my stupid little urges out and now look at where I'm at. I haven't been this happy in a LONG while.

And just st the start of 2024 my ex got into an argument with one of his friends and I offered to talk to them. so he agreed and I spoke to them.

Im so fucking glad I did.

Because without their help I'd still be fucking miserable. They gave me the confidence to dump that bitches ass and I honestly feel like a weight has been taken off. Because it honestly felt like a chore every day of my life just talking to him.

And my other friend on discord had helped me out to. Including you silly fuckers on discord/tumblr. If your even reading this... if you are why are you still reading this?

But anyway. I just needed this off my chest. Because it does hurt a little spite how good i feel but I just have an off feeling. I haven't put down everything that happend while I was with my ex and some things might be in the wrong order or time but at least I'm forgetting it?

Just. I love the transformers fandom so mutch mutch really helped me pull through...

Fuck I'm ranting. Uh. Bye!

Also a big thank you to Avery and rex for helping me feel better (rex I've only known you for a little bit but jesus christ I fucking laugh my ass off because of you) jesus I'm sappy as fuck. (and avery your so fucking cool. You helped me alot.) And belyyvolks (I've had alot of fun messing around about ironhide XD) I'm not tagging because I don't want alot of attention on this post.

[quietwingsinthesky]

In your opinion, is it worth watching Supernatural if you missed the superwholock craze and your only exposure has been meta posts

my darling anon, i’m a supernatural fan, i’m going to say yes. BUT. with caveats. one; depends on the meta you’ve been exposed to, because if you’ve been told by tumblr gifs it’ll be an epic love story between that dude and his angel, i’m so sorry to disappoint you but that’s not what the show is about. but if the meta you’ve gotten is about the actual themes of the show, go right ahead.

(to be clear, like, there’s still stuff to dig into for destiel. i just wouldn’t want you to go in expecting a romcom in a horror story.)

CAVEAT TWO: you gotta understand that supernatural is really like 5 or 6 shows in a trenchcoat building on top of one another. like s1-3 are pretty solidly their own show, cut down early by the writer’s strike and even delineated nicely by being filmed on. film. rather than digitally. s4-5 are their own thing. s1-5 are their own complete arc, and honestly, you can just watch that and have a pretty good time with some genuinely fantastically put together television. and then after that s6 is kinda its own thing, 7-8 too, 9-11, and then 12-15 i just lump together as Bad but im sure someone else would actually classify them by arc or whatever.

okay god we’re putting a cut now im not gonna shut up im sorry

i think more people should watch s1-5 of supernatural. it’s silly, it’s scary, it’s full of fucked up shit and things that will mess you up for life (affectionate). and then i say watch the rest until you don’t enjoy it and then drop it. don’t feel obligated to watch all 15 cause it loses the plot Fast and it also. gets bad. like if you want my rec, i say stick it out till s11 and then if you can stand it, s12 for [SPOILER] coming back to life. but i would never in my life tell anyone to watch s13-15 unless they had literally nothing left to do and a gun to their head. i watched it but im not a good role model.

uhhh what else should you know. oh, yeah, there’s a lot of references to non-con/rape in it, some of them the show takes seriously and some it’ll play for laughs with some 2010s era misogyny. there’s also a lot of moments that, depending on how charitable you feel like being, are either poorly thought out or straight out racist or homophobic. the show does very little to address its misogyny, homophobia, or racism until it gets put down like a dog behind a shed. i’m telling you this to prepare you for it, because i think engaging with the show is still worth something, especially if you take the time to entangle those elements and examine how the writers have used them to justify a world in which two white guys roll into town, kill a scary monster with extrajudicial justice to save the suburban families, and leave.

and then, of course, if u watch it you can also come yell at me about it :3

uhm. but seriously. supernatural is a complicated show. but it’s worth watching. there’s a lot of good in there with the bad. the way it approaches angels and heaven in the early seasons especially is so fucking fascinating, so if you like religious stuff at all, i’d say go in for it. the acting can be. well. the main guys range from ‘holy shit this is stressing me out to watch it’s so good’ to ‘okay’ to ‘jesus fucking christ please get the camera off of him.’ (and if you watch the show, i’ll let you guess which is which lmao.) but a lot of the people who come in to play side characters kill it in their roles. shout out to jdm. there for like 3 episodes purely to fuck me up forever. lifechanging performance, i’m so serious.

tldr: supernatural is genuinely a good show, for a while, and when it ain’t, it’s still fun, and when it stops being that, just put the show down. just keep your expectations in check regarding what the show is telling you it’s about and don’t expect it to be more. (like. feel free to fantasize about what if it Was more, i sure do, but don’t let that cloud your vision on what the show, as it stands, really is about and is trying to say.) and be prepared for the messy shit it’ll hit you with along the way.

and the fandom is pretty neat too, so long as you use the block button liberally <3

[cult-of-the-eye]

MAG 87 let's goooo

I've heard of the uncanny valley before I think from a Tumblr post actually isn't it like non-humans that look like humans but slightly off that creep us out??

Sounds cool tho

GEORGIE!!!! JON!!!!

God I love her she actually tries to knock some sense into Jon

Jon's hesitation at accepting help is frustrating when he's just claimed that he's ready to accept that he needs allies but I guess it's understandable when he doesn't want to bring someone who doesn't have a place in this all into the situation

But also I guess he can't really help bringing her in, cause he's staying at her house, she's probably already in to a certain degree

This is already so long so I'm putting a read more

She knows that she's a last resort, she seems like a genuinely kind person, she's completely understood that the man is desperate but she's also willing to draw a line wow shes so cool

"you're a good person" augh god that must've been difficult for him to hear

"whatever this is, it's messing you up"

Georgie's right about everything all the time that's the conclusion I'm coming to from this

I like how she says you can choose to leave it alone, i think it might've been the first time it had crossed Jon's mind since it all started that maybe he had a choice in this, but the tragedy is that it's been said too late, if he did ever have choice, then it's definitely gone by now. And Jon is very much aware of that.

GERTRUDE????

Sebastian skinner THE NAME

Getrude seems very like practical about the way she does things, case number first, name, where it occurred and dates, like she doesn't do any of Jon's "head archivist of the Magnus Institute, London" stuff I guess cause he was doing it to sound important and she doesn't need that, she knows exactly what she's doing and what the situation is so she can just get straight to the point with it

I love analysing everyone's different little intro bit I think it's so cool how their personalities and beliefs form part of it

This statement actually like shook me, I don't know why but lately the statements have been sort of getting to me. I don't think they've gotten scarier though, I think my frame of mind has just changed recently

Just weirdo little valley with weirdo little people doing fucking blood rituals

It was very classic horror movie

I googled flensing on incognito mode cause I wasn't sure what would come up lol

Yeah that ending was horrifying I hate the idea of the only thing being left is the mannequin

That's so funny Gertrude was like fuck this guy's name in particular

So orsinov is like the avatar of the stranger

And they're skinning people for some sort of ritual called the Unknowing

Of course Gertrude is the kind of woman to use the word ilk in every day language

Wait fuck this was in 2015 and the current statements are set in what? 2016/7? The Unknowing has to be close then oh god

Oh god she got attacked??? By what???

Who the fuck is Jude perry

Do I know her???

Oh god poor Mr skinner

FUCK FUCK FUCK ITS CALLIOPE MUSIC FUCK OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

Oh god Georgie is really in it now if she can hear it

He sounds so scared jesus christ

I appreciate Georgie trying to get the stuff out of her house but girl I don't think that's gonna stop it from being there

Oh god he's trying so hard to keep it from Georgie but now he's realised that he actually can't

He has put her in danger and that's the fact of it

"I'm not sure I can."

AUGH

HE HAS NO CHOICE IN IT. HE KNOWS. HIS PATH HAS BEEN SOLIDIFIED. DNBSHSJSKWKSMSMKSSJJDJ

[abstractlesbian]

To: me

From: me

SHUT THE FUCK UP

GO TO FUCKING SLEEP

CLOSE TUMBLR

Stop typing and deleting discourse and vent posts ur hudt gonna delete bc u cant word thibgd fhe way you need fo stop it stop it stop it stop it you dont have the brain power to b wordy rn and ur just pissibg urself off gonto sleep u stupid bitch ur letting the stress win

Everything is fine!!!!! No one is dyijg, transphobia at work situation is resolved, work is accomodating ur stupid back injury, moms cancer is in remission, u have the best job youve ever had, you have great friends and rachel, you can relax u are fine u are safe no one is getting cancer bc u did or didnt do xyz lots of ppl in ur family and circles are getting cancer bc its a genetic thing worseened by environmental factors and ppl are getting older and it happens ur not making it happen.

And also life has been kinda miserable despite thijgs being stable, ppl have died and u never get enough time to grieve before the next loss or health crisis to yourslef or someone u love, ur exhausted, ur a mess, its ujderstandable its ok to let urself be upset but please jesus christ snap out of life and desth panic mode

[araccoonthatlikesmurder]

Be me

Yesterday

Sibling gets sick and stays home

Uh Oh

Mom offers to get Burger King on the way back

Sure

Tire has been having issues

Should be fine right?

WRONG! 10 PSI!

Bad news, mom calls Firestone

Shit’s getting worse

We haven’t eaten in a while

Anger

Whatever though. We ball

Tire gets fixed

Mom gets home

Burger King

Phew glad that’s over,

And then it wasn’t.

Different day same shit

Except now it’s finally some time off

Mom gets home early with a spare tire

Nice

Let’s watch the Mario Movie!

We get 20 minutes in

FROSTY THE WENDY’S TREAT WAS NOT A JOLLY SOUL TONIGHT

Spill the frosty all over our surge protector

It makes some and smells

Uh oh part 2

We unplug that shit immediately

It’s a mess of cables like we’re on a jungle

Everything’s fine

And covered in chocolate ice cream

We clean it up

I let dogs out

MY FUCKING CAT RUNS OUT AND CLIMBS ONTO THE ROOF

(MY FUCKING CAT RUNS OUT AND CLIMBS ONTO THE ROOF)

Jesus Shit

I go upstairs to get him in

Where is he?

Go out to the driveway to see him

That fucker STARES AT ME FROM THE ROOF

And starts walking back towards the roof

So I run back in

Get on the window

HE SITS THERE STARING AT ME WHILE I SCREAM FOR HIM

Eventually he comes in

Cut to now

Make a tumblr post about it

[cryoexorcist]

Guys, I'm tired.

There has been this atmosphere cultivated on tumblr for what feels like months straight. Either people causing some massive shitstorm that warrants a callout, which has people acting up months later still over it. I'm not even talking vagueblogging, I'm talking massive snipes. Not dnis, but "hey this person sucks."

It's become a fucking warzone on tumblr and it's a god awful mess. But it's trickling down to people who shouldn't have been involved in the first place, so people are blocking and namedropping each other left and right.

Like, why is this the new norm? Why is bashing each other privately or even publicly such common practice nowadays? I don't particularly like waking up to day 4/5 of a nonstop allergy attack to find that my name has been dropped and i'm being used for whatever reason. to pit friend against friend?

for fucks sake I'm tired. The shit-talking, the mud slinging, the name dropping, it needs to end. I cannot fucking believe this many grown ass adults are resorting to this kind of fucking behavior on a consistent basis. I cannot believe how many innocent people have had their names tarnished because of something someone else started.

like Jesus Christ, this is tumblr. It's tumblr roleplay. It should be about graphics or writing and creating plots and being dumb and crack posting. But somehow, some when, an environment has been cultivated that brings out the most absolute vile behavior in people. I don't know when it started, or who did what, and I don't even fucking care at this point.

Grow the fuck up.

[tugoslovenka]

I think people like you are what is prompting studios like Larian to go into big business and selling their souls. Trying to appease a crowd of people like yourself, who constantly tries to find criticism about something no AAA studio would be able to produce. They are an INDIE studio producing a masterpiece like BG3 and you are going to complain about how they didn't give you act 4? I mean this in the nicest way possible, you need to stop being on tumblr.

well i was going to respond respectfully, but you are an absolute cunt and coward for hiding under anon so i'm going to say it - eat shit.

let's kick it off with: me and my random tumblr blog that posted something with what, 800 notes? is going to be downfall of larian? if that's the case, i demand a trial by combat on nestle next, maybe i can use my powers for good.

larian is an indie studio definitionally in that it's independent from major studios, but we all understand that "indie" refers to smaller scale studios so trying to slot them in there as though they don't have millions in revenue and the time to do games for as long as they want is appalling. even still, indie studios deserve to get criticism for an unfinished product. not addresing obvious issues with their games in an effort to place them on a pedastal bc they're not EA does nothing in service of the industry. you will not get a paycheck from larian by sucking dick any chance you can get.

bg3 is a game that is in partnership with WOTC, getting material that has existed for decades. it's not like they're starting from scratch when it comes to the content either, so let's not pretend this was larian's doing. it's dnd in video game form. using rules and mechanics that have existed for a long time.

i'm going to complain about whatever i fucking want when act 3 is a giant mess that has been broken since august. i am going to complain when i get an epilogue 4 months after release. i am going to complain when the game almost breaks my pc bc it's horribly optimized. i am going to complain when something doesn't work. i am going to complain about the ppl trying to defend a multimillion dollar studio like they're the second coming of video game jesus just because they're not abusing employees, sexually harrassing devs and making lackluster products. that's the literal bare minimum.

the only reason i came back to tumblr is bc i felt a strong love for the game and i love the community that's attached to it. there's some fantastic art, fanfiction and discussions/disourse that happens on the daily that i want to be a part of bc the game is fantastic. phenomenal even. but to pretend as if it doesn't have obvious drawbacks, issues is stupid. to defend larian is even stupider. a corporation that size should not be given freebies, no matter how "indie" they are. tenchent has a 30% stake in larian studios, a company with over 400 BILLION in revenue. spare me the cries of how their lazy patches and hotfixes should be celebrated when the game was not released in full. i will not grant any studio that grace. especially one that has already done this before.

fuck off.

[weezeryuri]

the followup ask wasn't me but otherwise yep, right person! "privacy"? the privacy of posting about me for a year straight, on a public account, on a public site, surrounded by peers? on the account MY friend was ~mutuals~ with you on, where he had to see you shittalking me on his dash weekly? the privacy of misinterpreting every thing i said to you so you can hide your (justifiably) hurt feelings behind "Actually ableism is the fault of all of this!"? the privacy of painting me as an ableist, as your Gross Icky Pr*ship Ex Friend, trying to get everyone to pity you, be on your side, because "it was an ugly friend breakup" won't justify the extent of your feelings (IT WOULD), in your head? THE PRIVACY OF DECRYING ME AS AN "INCEST SHIPPER" (NOT EVEN TRUE)???? i wasn't even looking at your blog in the first place, i heard secondhand, that's how ignorant and obvious your comments were. your words and Ideas about someone (that you Literally Are publically crying out) don't exist in a vacuum, they MEAN something, and other people will hear them. or did you care about decrying your Beloved Exfriend, Older [Sister] Figure as this and that hurtful thing and the impact of it as much as you cared about the friendship i was struggling and reaching out a hand (that i never Needed or Expected you to reply to) to maintain and let live and, I Dunno, Not let you be isolated in an echo chamber of your own anxiety forever? the attempted friendship that you valued less than venting on tumblr all day long? that you valued as much as listening to your two remaining friends that were trying to help you? but have fun believing me checking in on you for months on end, encouraging you when you Were capable of saying anything, waiting for you no matter what, trying to involve you in our lives so you weren't permanantly stuck in 2021 alone and unloved and unheard, and sending you paragraph after paragraph of apology and clarification to clean up the mess i made... was just ableism. i hope you enjoy never thinking about it, never rereading what i said, and pinning every shitty thing i did on Must be cause i'm oppressed, and living without the nuance you claim to use. i hope you enjoy crying about it publically to people you only talk to indirectly, to people who will never get to know you directly, because you've made your stance on any closeness or attempts at it deathly clear. i hope you keep whining that i'm only "ableist", and i hope nobody truly hears you, like it has been for the last year. rot in your own refusal to change

Jesus Christ man you do realize you said some horrendous and ableist shit to me (i still have screencaps before you go calling me a lying piece of shit) and have actively gone out of my way to block you and anyone who interacts with you on here.

you took advantage of my sadness at a very vulnerable time and used that to fight with me over shipping discourse because i dared to imply i’m scared of a group directly connected to my groomers

you need to fucking get your shit together because the way you’re acting is pathetic and the shit you did was horrible and you have no right to decide what and what isn’t ableist. of course it isn’t ableist to you. nobody ever gives a shit unless we’re directly being called useless cripples.

grow the fuck up and leave my life entirely. you did not try to involve me in your lives, you messaged me at 3 am telling me all my problems were my fault such as using cases of my chronic fatigue to paint me as lazy and careless. and then said you didn’t like me since 2020.

i GRIEVED our friendship. you hurt me over the dumbest shit when i was at our most vulnerable when i thought i could trust you. it was performative at best and actively hateful at the worst. you used words from a private vent blog to make me feel like shit

“wow cripple you didn’t suck up your fatigue and talk to me? you must hate me so much and want us all dead and think I’m a predator and and and etc etc”

this is my blog and i can post about whatever the fuck i want. i never mentioned your name or where to find you. please go the fuck away because now i can just confirm this is an act of purposeful malice and it hurts. i trusted you so much.

[steppingstonesuniverseguide]

One More Step Out of the Pit: Chapter 7/26

Summary: It had been Tommy and Tubbo for practically forever. They clawed their way out of hell together. They discovered their superpowers together. They started working for the Superhero Guild together before even coming of age. Tommy probably owed Tubbo his life ten times over. So, when the three supervillains he'd been assigned to bring in managed to take Tubbo hostage, well, there was really only one thing to do.

He knew, of course, he was signing himself up for torture and death by offering that trade, but that was okay.

It'd have to be okay.

AO3 Link (See AO3 for Warnings.)

(This story is finished and has been posted on AO3 for a while, but I'm posting it on Tumblr so it's somewhere else too (considering the day AO3 was down a bit ago). The author notes will all be kept as well. If you are following the blog and don't want to see these posts, block the tag #backlog.)

The door to the receiving room slammed shut behind Wilbur to Techno’s shock. What had just happened? Wilbur had seemed way too enthusiastic about having Tommy as a prisoner not 5 minutes ago. Enough so that Phil basically had Techno on babysitting duty. Yet then he’d up and left only on the first step of making sure hostages weren’t dangerous.

Well, Techno guessed he was the one doing this now. He turned back to the other occupant of the room who had been watching Wilbur’s sudden exodus with surprised eyes. He squinted at the newly revealed face. “What are you?” he asked. “12?”

His eyes snapped to Techno and he immediately bristled. “I’m 24,” he claimed with a rather ferocious glare considering the evidence that he’d recently snotted all over his own face still remained.

Now, Techno wasn’t particularly good at decerning ages, both in physical and mental development, but still… “I’m 24.”

Tommy seemed taken aback by this information. “You are?”

Techno folded his arms over his chest. “Yeah.”

“Dude, I thought you were, like, 40. The fuck?”

Techno shrugged. “I’ve heard that before,” he replied mildly.

“But then…” Tommy was frowning, and Techno saw his fingers move at his side as he mouthed some numbers. “That would mean you slaughtered the Carbon Squad at 12.”

Well, actually, he didn’t think he managed to get any of kills on the team of 6 heroes himself, though it was all kind of a blur. Most of the killing had definitely been Will though. He’d been… a bit righteously infuriated. Still, the technicalities didn’t matter. Techno had definitely killed more than that at a younger age on his own power and not. “They shouldn’t have kidnapped my friend,” he replied.

“But 12?” he asked. “Don’t get me wrong. I was also a badass at 12… 10 years ago, but Jesus man.”

Techno hummed noncommittally, mind starting to drift from the conversation to what he was supposed to be doing. He wasn’t usually the one to do this step. It was usually Phil and on occasion Will, but today they’d apparently both abandoned him to social interaction.

“Er, so,” Techno said. “I need to check you for weapons now.”

“Don’t have any.”

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to take your word on that.”

Tommy frowned at him. The space between his nose and mouth was a bit red, Technoblade noticed, and his lower lip was actually bleeding from where it looked like he’d chomped down on it. “Do you, uh, need a tissue?”

He reached up to touch his own face and grimaced at the mess there. “Uh, yeah, maybe,” he replied.

“I… don’t actually have one.” There was an awkward pause. “But, uh, I can find you something.” He quickly walked to the cabinet where they stored things for hostages to change into and pulled out a shirt. “Here,” he said handing it over. Tommy stared at it for a moment, but then shrugged and started mopping up his face with it. “I guess, er, I’m going to touch you now,” he said. God this was awkward. He tensed at basically every brush of Techno’s hand, flinching a couple of times and hiding his face in the t-shirt tissue. As promised, Techno didn’t find any weapons on him.

“You should probably stop biting your lip like that,” Techno said, noting a bit of fresh blood on his face after finishing.

“I do what I want,” he said.

“…Suit yourself.” He returned to the cabinet and grabbed another white t-shirt as well as a pair of light grey sweatpants. “Here,” he said, holding the outfit out. “Change.”

Tommy’s eyes shot to the fabric. He looked up at Techno, mouth set in a line. “No,” he said.

“No?” Techno asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“I agreed to let you take me captive, not to cooperate once I got here,” Tommy said despite the fact that he had pretty much cooperated up until this point and he had absolutely no clear reason to choose this hill to die on. Almost as an afterthought he added, “Bitch.”

“You’re currently in a power neutralizing cuff locked in a room with me in a building you don’t know the location of,” Techno pointed out.

He just squared his jaw and glared haughtily.

“The way I see it, you have two options,” Techno told him, “and I’m being nice by letting you choose.”

“Yeah, and does one involve shanking a bitch,” he snarled with a ferocity that honestly impressed Techno on the inside. On the outside, he blankly stared at him until he saw a bit of the fire die in his eyes, consumed by nervousness.

Techno held up a finger and without comment on the empty threat, spoke. “One: you listen to me and change into this on your own power right now.” Another finger joined the first. “Two: I take you to the ground and put these clothes on you myself like you’re a misbehaving toddler.”

“I’d like to see you fucking try, asshole,” he snapped.

Techno watched him for a moment. “Is that your final answer?” he asked lightly shifting just slightly forward without actually taking a step to close the gap between them.

The threat seemed to actually register then, his eyes going a bit wide as he curled his arms around his middle protectively. Techno waited as he swallowed the pill that was his own helplessness, eyes flickering between fear, pain, and humiliation before hardening again. “Fine,” he bit out. “Hand me the stupid ugly ass clothes.”

Techno offered them and he practically ripped them out of his hands.

“Do I get privacy?” he snapped.

Techno nodded towards a curtain they’d set up for that purpose. “You can use that.”

“Thanks,” the boy said. Techno was pretty sure he added on a “motherfucker” there at the end, but he didn’t comment. He was doing as asked at least, so Techno wasn’t going to complain.

He leaned back against the wall near the door. His posture was casual, but it served the purpose of making sure Tommy wouldn’t find some way to slip out the only exit. He did tend to be very slippery.

Techno could see his feet and the bottom of his calves shifting around as he toed off his shoes. He waited… and waited… and waited until he started to get a bit impatient.

“Will you hurry it up?” he finally said.

The feet went still for a moment before the boy was spitting back at him. “It’s complicated to get off, alright.”

“It’s a supersuit,” Techno drawled. “Not a Victorian Era ball gown.”

“Just fuck off and give me a minute.”

“Fine,” Techno said. “60, 59…”

The boy cursed. “Bastard, you fucking bastard.” He did seem to be hurrying it up based on how his feet kind of pranced around behind the curtain, so Techno kept up his counting.

At 45 he heard fabric rip. “Did you just rip something?”

“I told you it’s hard to get off alone and now I’m on a time crunch apparently!”

“Do you need help?” Techno asked.

“No! Fuck off!���

“Suit yourself.” He either did not notice or did not appreciate the pun.

Techno did not continue counting, but Tommy still scurried out from behind the curtain rather quickly after that. Techno squinted at the person who stepped out into view. Techno had far overestimated the needed size for the t-shirt and sweats. He was tall, yes, but he was also a toothpick and the outfit hung off of him. If Techno had thought he’d looked young when he saw his face, it was nothing compared to how young he looked now while drowning in the white and grey outfit like he was an 8-year-old using his father’s shirt for a nightgown. Now, Techno knew he had to be at least 20 considering he couldn’t have signed up for The Guild until he was an adult, would have needed at least a year of training before being put on the field, and had been on active duty for at least a year, but he certainly didn’t look it.

“What’re you staring at Bitchblade?” he asked, voice cutting like a knife. Techno trailed his eyes up to his face. Somehow the deep bags under his eyes had gotten even deeper in the last few minutes and he looked paler, though maybe that was just due to the white shirt. Despite the sharpness of his words, it was obvious he was exhausted by this point. Now he was just putting on a show.

Techno removed himself for the wall. “C’mon,” he said gruffly, turning to open the door. He saw Tommy shift out of his peripheral, even taking a step closer. “Don’t,” he warned darkly. The figure froze at his tone. Techno reached back and grabbed his shoulder, yanking him forward. He came with a stumble and Techno lightened his touch a bit at the obviously very involuntary whimper that passed his lips, but otherwise chose to respect the kid enough not to mention it.

He guided him to the door that led to the main part of the underground compound and stopped. He pulled a piece of cloth out of his pocket. “I’m going to blindfold you now.”

The boy’s eyes shot to his, startled. “Why?” he asked, just a bit of panic coloring his tone.

“You’re a flight risk,” Techno explained. “If you do manage to escape, we don’t want to give you a head start knowing where you are in the compound.”

He looked at the blindfold and then at Techno. Techno sighed internally. This was going to be a fight, wasn’t it? “No.”

Techno’s grip tightened minutely on his shoulder and he flinched disproportionally hard in reaction. “Yes,” Techno said firmly.

He still did not seem like he was going to acquiesce, glaring at Techno defiantly.

“The other option is a bag over your head.”

Tommy’s hands fisted at his side, but then he looked down with a slight nod. Techno quickly wrapped the strip of fabric around his head and secured it with a knot. Only then did he type in the passcode to let them into the rest of the compound.

The holding cell was a bit of a walk for obvious reasons, and they didn’t really talk the entire way. About 1/3rd of the way there, Techno noticed the kid starting to shake as though cold despite the fact that the hallway didn’t seem particularly cool. What was… probably happening didn’t occur to him until he noticed the boy’s breath hitch just slightly about a minute later.

Oh god. He was crying. He was crying, wasn’t he? Or dying. Techno hoped it was actually that he was dying. He felt far more equipped for handing that. His breathing started to come a touch faster and he was clearly trying to keep it together, which made it worse because that meant it was real and not him trying to garner sympathy.

It felt like eons before they made it to the cell, Techno trying awkwardly to pretend like he didn’t know Tommy was crying under the blindfold. He swiftly typed in the cell password and led him inside the mostly white room.

“You can take the blindfold off,” he said. He pointedly ignored the red eyes that were revealed by him taking it off, in fact, he mostly avoided looking at him altogether. “So, uh,” Techno floundered for what to say. “This is where you’re staying, uh, bed,” he gestured to the bed as though the boy wouldn’t know what one looked like. “Chairs. If you need something there’s a button on the wall here you can press. Someone will usually be in the next room while you’re here, but even if we’re not, we’ll still get an alert. Er… there’s a faucet and paper cups over there. Don’t try to tear it off and use it as a weapon. We know to look for it, and it’ll just make everyone’s life more difficult. Uh, we’ll feed you. That’s… about it.”

Tommy looked around the mostly empty white room with skeptical eyes and then back towards Technoblade. “Where’s the supervillain creepy dungeon?”

“We don’t have one of those.”

His eyes trailed back to the room. “This feels more like a creepy evil doctor’s observation room,” he said studying the obvious two-way mirror on one wall. “When’s the dissection?”

That read like it was meant to be a joke, but Technoblade wasn’t sure how to respond with how he was wrapping his arms around his middle protectively. Tommy didn’t bother waiting for a response anyway, turning from Techno to go deeper into the room.

“Uh,” Techno said. “Button,” he reminded, pointing.

He fled the room then, but didn’t leave him quite yet. Instead, he walked a few feet to the door of the observation room. Tommy was already out of sight by the time he made it to the one-way mirror, but there was a lump still moving slightly under the covers of the bed.

Technoblade took out his phone and opened up his message history with Phil. ‘He looks 10. Wilbur fucked off saying he had a headache. Now he is hiding under the covers in the bed. He is probably crying. Help.’

Techno sent the message and looked at the now mostly still blob on the bed, very much hoping Phil was done with his phone call and would be here soon.

Author Note:

Technoblade: Father hlp. Big brother abandoned me and now there are feelings. Pls, Father.

I'm really excited about the next chapter! :D

...

(Me? Make most of the things in the room and Tommy's clothes white for dramatics? Nah. What would be dramatic spilled on white sheets and white clothes and a white floor...?)

[ursa-la-la]

Howdy yall. I kinda forgot how to use Tumblrs long post format since I've been cowed into using multiple post threads on that other hellsite... but that's digressing.

This convention was a hot fucking mess. I'm exhausted and upset about how badly this all went.

Too many people reminded me of how OLD I am and made me circle back to the fear of "I'm too old for this" that has plagued me since I was 20. I thought I was over being insecure about my age and looks since being old should grant you that no fucks given outlook on life but uhhhh nope.

Issue 0- before the con even started I've been so stressed out with working 3rd shift. I've been trying to juggle moving, cleaning this filthy house, doing laundry without any laundry appliances, and dealing with financial bullshit (namely a service person we hired keeps charging my card for their work even though we've provided a different payment form and called them about it multiple times).

Issue 1- birth control that was suppose to stop periods did not stop periods. When I went to go look for a place to buy hygiene products there just... weren't. The closest pharmacy closed down and none of the convenience stores had anything.

Issue 2- tiny. Fucking. Beds. And people unwilling to give up their spot to allow someone who slept on the floor to sleep on the bed (namely mo and I kept rotating but... no one else budged???)

Issue 3- non-convention Townies specifically harassing me. I had a drunk lady keep asking if I had certain things in my purse. I was polite and offered her my hand sanitizer but like. Her and her drunk friends were all laughing at me about it???

Issue 4- the crushing weight of having to pretend to be a responsible adult. A long time before the convention I decided I wanted to wear a sexy outfit and just TRY for once to be okay showing off my body. No one was a creep (thank god) but Jesus christ I ran into at least 3 people with WHOLE ASS BABIES IN BABY WAGON THINGS. AT NIGHT. AT A CONVENTION. Idk if those poor children will remember my jiggly ass titties bouncing all over the place but christ yall. What happened to night time being fair game for just. All the body parts hanging out??? Get a fucking baby sitter???

Issue ultimate- I didn't get to see my former work buddy 😢 the main issue being that I had like 4 different people trying to coordinate things with me and I couldn't handle all the phone traffic coming in. Case in point. On arrival to the con I was 24+ hours without sleep. I wanted to sleep so damn bad but my phone kept going off. My whole goal for the weekend was to catch up with friends and so far I failed that miserably (I'm going to meet a friend outside of the con in a few hours but yeah... everyone else I didn't really... see.)

[neko-nemesis]

As the Nobleman's newly wedded wife~

Ayato Kamisato x afab-bodied reader

Warnings: explicit sexual content (18+) so MDI (MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT), Con-noncon, Mean dom!Ayato, mentions of powerplay, mentions of impregnating, overstimulation, she/her pronouns used, impact play [face and pussy slapping (kinda)], praising, fingering (f-receiving), pet names, rough sex mentioned, creampies and I think that's it, lmk if I missed anything. (Note: not proof-read yet)

Picture source: [Mangaka: Shunjou Shuusuke]

A.n: Hello my lovelies! It's been awhile, I've been barely ever posting, I'm so sorry </3 been busy with college and life in general tbh but I think I'm back for now, I mustered up some courage again and motivation in my bucket of mess lmao!! Thank you for 600 followers in like 2 fucking months? Jesus, that's crazy. Thank you for the insane support, I'm truly grateful <3 ily guys sm <333

Interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated!!

P.s: this was very very self-indulgent pardon me. 🧍‍♀️I couldn't help it sksksjdhdjekd I've been going mad for this man istg, saving up like crazy. I'm guaranteed and I hope I'll have saved enough to pull this man in my arms<3

Important: check out my pinned post for the link to my carrd, I've provided helpful sources and links to educate yourself and donate to help Ukraine. Idk if I can do much as a Tumblr damn fanfic writer gal but I want to help as much as possible.

You were just a mere commoner, trying to make a living for oneself in a little cozy home in the outskirts of Inazuma city. It's almost comedic how fast the night can change, one day you're watering your crops on the other you're a Nobleman's newly wedded wife. You grew up alone, having little to nothing to your name yet was blessed with such a miracle. Or so, you'd think..

News spread like wildfire around the town, hushed voices speaking of the new ditzy commoner who suddenly happens to be Kamisato's beloved wife. Oh the man couldn't help but simply blow more smoke on the rumors, whenever someone dared to walk up to him and ask, why her? It's only common sense to think the man would court another Noblewoman

"Oh it's love in first sight, I only knew I had to have her all to myself you see."

Only If that was the case, you think. Pondering over the what ifs while your dear husband spread you out until your thighs felt the burn from the stretch. You cry out when a gloved hand smacked down, hard on your clit. Sending shock waves throughout your body as your pretty eyes swelled up with tears for the nth time again.

"can't have you distracted now, my wife" He'll say with an innocent smile but from the hours long abuse he inflicted on your poor body and cunt for hours, you'd know better. Rubbing his thumb down rather harshly to sooth the pain, though it did the opposite for you, his lips would curl into a mocking pout, "What is so important for my beloved that she can be so out of it while I'm here, hmm?" He sang, you could only stutter out apologies but both of you knew, it's too late for that.

"And here I thought I will let you off easy this time, tsk." He pretends to be disappointed in his poor wife and the more you panic, the more his cock throbbed. He was getting off to your fear. "What should I do to you now, huh sweetheart? I need to teach you a lesson now?" He'll squish your tear soaked cheeks with his hand, making your lips turn to a pout as you continuously whimper from his hands fastening up it's pace on your cunny. "My lord- s-slow down, too much" "you don't have a say in what I give you my love, you just have to take what I have to offer, alright?"

Finally though he would show some mercy but temporarily as he lets go off you, only to have his slick covered hand fisting his leaking cock to give himself some ease,"So, tell me my dearest, what is it that has your mind clouded when I'm making love to you?" He asks, he guides the tip on the folds of your cunt, rubbing it up and down on your already overstimulated puffy clit as you could only whimper, oh how he loved your broken voice but naive you failed to notice the more you took time to answer, the more agitated he was becoming. "M-My lord, it's t-too much, please" you beg, knowing your pleas are hardly getting through Ayato's head. The man has enough when he raised you by your thighs, having only your head and shoulders on the bed and rest of you high in the air and around his waist. He wasted no time further as he slammed his cock inside of you again, leaving hardly any time to adjust and you gasp and thrash, the pleasurable pain being unbearable and stretch from his cock only overstimulating you further considering how he has been already fucking you since the night took over the sky, "don't run from it, beloved." He spoke with his gritted teeth and you know better than to push him off, being unaware with the consequences of saying No to your Lord afterall. "you stay and you take what I give you, you want this no? I haven't even gotten close to breeding my pretty wife's cunt. Isn't that right huh?" He pants, there's a dimple on the side of his cheek when he grins, "Afterall, didn't you vowed to carry the next heir of the Kamisato?" His eyes glint in dark and you can't remember anything but then again, your mind has gone blank, all you can really think of is Ayato's cock and the pleasure you were feeling, eyes rolled back and only cracked moans made out of your body. You nod absentmindedly, too fucking dumb already to think straight anymore. That makes Ayato grins even more, he pats both of your cheeks rather harshly, almost slapped you, whether with pride or to keep you awake, doesn't matter anymore. "That's a good girl~" he purrs, lifting you up more only to bottom out, the tip of his cock hitting your cervix as his hips thrusted harder with each moment."Don't you fall asleep on me now my sweetheart, I need to fill you up with my cum, right? Tell me you want it, my wife" bitten lips of yours trembled as you weakly spoke out "f-fill me with your cum my Lord, I'll do a-anything" and he let's out a broken chuckle, face flushed pink. Oh your voice is so much more pleasant like this and it has affected the man more than he thought it would. "Good girlll~ now shut up and take my fucking cock." He snaps, as he proceeds to bruise your hips by digging his hand into your flesh and fasten up his already cruel pace.

I hope there's no important events you'd need to attend to as the Lord's wife, since you wouldn't be leaving the bed until filled to the brim with his cum and have his slender fingers fuck the leaked cum back into you with no ends.

xxx

taglist: @liang_lee @euphoricn​ 

Want to get tagged everytime I post?

[eldritchdraaks]

Furry Visual Novel Hell

Quick context for this post, it is written by my boyfriend who has been through furry visual novel hell over the past few days. He has not been on tumblr in years, and has shitposts running through his brain daily. I’m posting this for him because his thoughts need to be made public. I love this freak.

SPOILERS FOR: Echo, Route 65, Arches, The Smoke Room, and The Burrows.

His mad ramblings begin now!

I have no idea why im typing this but I just cant let all this bounce around my head with my classes starting up in a day.

SO, after a few rather poor lifestyle choices I stayed up watching videos of furry visual novels. This little rabbit hole led me down to a familiar visual novel by the name of Echo. I’ve heard of it through a video talking about the film everything everywhere all at once. The only other form of context I had with Echo was that its creator went to make the very well proclaimed visual novel by the name of Adastra. For anyone wondering, the one of the main characters of Adastra (A black wolf named Amicus) is part of the “You have never felt the warmth of a man” starter pack as seen below

(Sidenote: I am so fucking mad literally two of the characters there are from the Echo series. These motherfuckers are everywhere)

So after that, Echo was stored somewhere in my subconscious or something. Honestly the exact sequence of events escapes me but I do know that I was watching one of Samwiz1’s videos of him dicking around as engineers,I was just going down another twitter rabbit hole. In the video, the first game he joined had a group of 5 medic bots 3 of em with names of characters from The Smoke Room, A sort of prequel to Echo. As for the twitter rabbit hole, I think hoyoverse (the company that made genshin impact) released a new game going by Zenless Zone Zero. One of the characters you could play was a big bear bastard named Ben which Eld and I immediately latched onto. A few days later, I saw that someone modded Ben into a fighting game called Guilty Gear Strive as seen below

AND GUESS WHO HE WAS FIGHTING???

That twinky lookin stoat swinging his little scythes in the gayest way you could caught my attention. Then literally a few tweets below I find this

And there he is, in the replies I found the twink in question was named CLIFFORD GOT DAMN TIBBITS???? How can you find a cuter name than Tibbits?? Not only did it reveal his name but also the visual novel he comes from called The Smoke Room. (Also the coyote in the suspenders is in the You have never felt the warmth of a man” starter pack is from The Smoke Room).

So in a misguided attempt to find it, I confused it with another visual novel that I found out was called The burrows. The Burrows was one I found myself enjoying other than the tangled fucking mess that is Echo.

So im actually going to talk about echo first.

Echo is a story about an otter named Chase who returns back to his hometown, Echo, to work on a college project on the town in 2015. Echo is a dying mining town that screams southwestern gothic with a mysterious past. Chase joins his childhood friends a native American fennec fox named Jenna, his ex boyfriend a wolf from El Salvador, a timid lynx named TJ, a blunt gila lizard named Flynn, and a ram named Carl who smokes weed to cope with his demons.

The thing that ties them together was the death of their friend Sydney. In the story a lot of paranormal shit happens regarding the town of echo, possession by ancestors, straight up cursed cryptids, murder, all on top of drama and slight hints of romance. This is a bit too much for my brain to process whatever the hell is going on. The story is a mess and I don’t think I will ever be able to process it in it’s entirety. The only characters I really like are Jenna, Carl, and TJ. God poor TJ… OK SO I WENT THROUGH ALL THE ROUTES AND JESUS FUCK I don’t think that my insanity will end anytime soon but Flynn’s route really fucked me up. Its so fucked, all you do is go around in circles AND I STILL NEVER GOT MY AWNSER IN HOW THE SMOKE ROOM LINKS INTO THIS LIKE WHY IS SAMUEL POSSESSING CHASE AND EVENTUALLY FLYNN???

WAS IT TO CONTINUE THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE AND SECRETS THAT ECHO LIVES ON??? god its so fucked, and Flynn actually becomes the monster Jenna talks about and TJ saw the day Sydney drowned in his endless pursuit of the truth of what happened as he wanders into the mines and turns into the plug-faced monster (prolly a wendigo) Jenna mentioned. So many questions… God its so fucked Speaking of The Smoke Room…

The Smoke Room is set 100 years before Echo and focuses on the ancestors of the main cast as well as the locals of Echo in 1915. Following an Albino Mountain Lion sex worker by the name of Samuel who was trying to leave Echo, but was ambushed by the guy who was helping him and out of self defense killed him in the mine. This murder sets the town ablaze with problems as Samuel and his associates encounter something is unleashed and latches onto a guilty party.

At this point, I just looked at Clifford’s route because he is admittedly adorable but kinda stopped there.

Then while browsing other Visual Novels I found this fucking affront to god only to find out its in The Smoke Room

And holy fuck I thought it was bad on my phone but it is so much worse on my computer. Something in the mines where I think Sam, one of his closest clients a badger that goes by Nikolai and a tiger named Yao are trying to escape the deeper part of the mines or something. What’s even worse is that it looks to be made from body parts of the main cast which is so fucked up in so many ways.

Then we have Arches and Route 65. Arches follows a bear and a coyote named Devon and Cameron in the town of Echo after its been abandoned in 2015. All I know is that the Coyote gets rufied and ends up dead in the mines. Route 65 is an actual prequel looking at the main cast of Echo at a Halloween party in 2008. Don’t remember what happens in this one other than character setup. ANYWAY, echo aside now I can talk about The Burrows.

This one I know from an artist that I like going by Captain Nikko. The Burrows follows Grey, a possum living in New Orleans in 1928. On his way to commit suicide, he stops into a bar run by a round rabbit named Virgil. He makes a deal with Virgil and he gives Grey a card and after a trippy sequence of infinitely falling, he finds himself in front of his old house in a field of yellow flowers. He meets 4 other souls, Mark a Maned Fox who works in a museum in New York, Gabriel a shark training for his school’s swim relay race, Ken a panther who is a cyclist, and Yasahiro a Japanese fennec fox that is an engineer.

When they suddenly disappear with Grey crying, the card Virgil gave Grey begins to glow and 4 other cards appear. Each of them have unique designs for each character, Though only Ken Gabriel and Mark are available at the moment. Each card Zaps Grey into the future with the order being Ken (1958), Mark (1965), and Gabriel (1987). You then find out that the reason that they are linked together is suicide. Grey then becomes determined to protect the character you chose. At this point, you go through the route, make important choices that affect the outcome of the route (only in mark’s route though as of late) and grow close to who you chose. I eventually broke down and downloaded The Burrows and played through the new content of Gabriel’s route and got damn i am unashamedly attached to this man. Like, he reminds me of myself of one point body image issues, feeling useless, jovial bastard. Mark has some pretty weird vibes that he gives off, lot of questions for him that will be answered hopefully soon. Ken is just really damn mean and beats the hell outta some kid that was messing his bike up. Hiro doesn’t have a route out yet so we know next to nothing about him other than he’s working with a german engineering company and he is thinking of committing suicide.

I would totally recommend The Burrows and not for you to binge the entire Echo project saga at 4 in the damn morning.

[therealvinelle]

What do you think the Cullens would do if some person they were talking to, out of nowhere just quite literally exploded in front of, and on them? Kinda like in that movie Spontaneous. Would they lose control and slurp up the mess on the ground, (and themselves) or would their bloodlust be curtailed by shock of wtf just happened?

I'd say something witty about how this is a strange anon to receive, but holy jesus you've sent me down a rabbithole.

Here's a trailer to the movie Spontaneous. It looks amazing. Kevin Feige wishes this had been his plot for Infinity War.

Here's a trailer for the movie Spontaneous Combustion, which I found by accident while searching for your fic. This looks amazing too. Can't believe Marvel didn't buy the rights to this guy.

I'm serious, people, you definitely want to watch these trailers. I just about died laughing.

So, on to your ask.

In the spirit of your ask, which implies a level of randomness, I thought the people blowing up should be random too. So, being in the mood to procrastinate through spending way too much time on tumblr things, I wrote a program that'll generate for me random Twilight characters.

Unsure whether the explosion should kill vampires or not, I generated an answer. The answer is yes, any generated vampire dies.

Without further ado:

Alice watches Vladimir blow up.

Alright, alright.

The first question to be answered here is why Alice is in Vladimir's presence in the first time. In canon they only meet once, at the end of Breaking Dawn.

For the sake of simplicity, we'll have Vladimir blow up then.

The Cullens and the witnesses are all celebrating being alive, when Vladimir suddenly explodes.

For the sake of the ask, Alice is sitting closest to him when this happens and making conversation.

Her first thought is utter shock. Not just that he blew up, but that she didn't see it coming (she wouldn't, because I randomly generated him. No decision was made). Her second thought is horror.

The Cullens just confronted the Volturi, now mere hours afterwards their allies are blowing up.

Holy fuck, Aro has a gifted ace up his sleeve, and he's using it to kill them remotely.

Panic ensues, not just for Alice, but among all the witnesses. Some of them refuse to leave, Bella has to shield those 24/7, though given the belief that her gift is psychic that doesn't make them feel very safe.

The others decide to go after the Volturi and beg for mercy, assuring them they never meant to challenge them.

Aro, of course, is very confused, but agrees. Why, yes, he does have a vampire who blows people up. Yes, yes he does.

Bella watches Aro blow up.

Oh I'm dying laughing at this one. And wishing I'd put this down for Carlisle, that would be even funnier, but alright.

Bella is walking about post-Breaking Dawn, minding her own business, when suddenly Aro appears in front of her. He looks around himself, utterly surprised by his sudden deplacement, and then blows up.

Bella has been living in terror of this man for years.

In Volterra he had his servant torture her and Edward and then made ominious threats, then a few months later the Eclipse disaster unfolded, finally we have Breaking Dawn where he showed up to murder her and everyone she loved.

Her shield may be powerful, but for as long as Aro was alive her family was never truly safe.

His untimely implosion changes all of that.

I imagine after a long moment of incredulity, Bella burns the rubble, just to be sure, then tells her family the joyous news.

Carlisle gives the guy a funeral. It's weird.

Carlisle watches Vassilii blow up.

Close call, due to my not switching out the names we almost had Angela. In which case Carlisle have stood there, covered in blood and in shock for several long seconds, before bringing out the bleach and gasoline for a crime scene clean.

As it is, Carlisle is minding his own business when suddenly an immortal child dressed like a medieval Eastern European appears before him. It says something in a foreign language that might mean "hi", he doesn't know but he says "hi" to it back, then the child blows up.

Carlisle stares at the rubble for a very long time, wondering if he is perhaps losing his mind. If, perhaps, Aro was right about animal blood being a slow suicide, and Carlisle has finally hit the limit for how long a vampire can go on without human blood.

He burns the rubble and prays for the child's soul, as an immortal child is doomed anyway, and keeps his silence about what happened. In part because there's a solid chance this was all in his imagination.

If Aro ever touches his hand again, and sees the immortal child that he burned a thousand years earlier resurrect, travel through time, all in order to blow up in front of Carlisle, he... well there comes a point where you say "nothing to see here" and refuse eye contact with the universe glitching.

Edward watches Randall blow up.

Randall, for the ignorants, is one of Carlisle's friends that came to witness for the Cullens in Breaking Dawn.

Suddenly he appears in front of Edward, says hi and how do you do, and then he blows up.

Edward tells Carlisle, who is saddened by this, and they try to piece the guy together. They fail.

Edward sends a somber thought to this noble man who agreed with Edward that the Cullens are awesome enough to be worth dying for.

Emmett watches Mary blow up.

Emmett will never admit it, but it's the coolest, raddest thing he's ever seen.

Esme watches Eleazar blow up.

Oh boy.

The Cullens are visiting the Denali. Irina has not been dead for long, but given the crystal clear memory of vampires, and the loss they already suffered (Sasha's death traumatized them) it doesn't really matter how long it's been, the Denali are devastated anyway.

The whole coven is as fragile as it can possibly get.

Then, Eleazar goes to join Esme in the kitchen, and explodes all over her and the kitchen.

The remaining Denali and the Cullens are called to the kitchen by the sound of Esme's screaming, and find her in hysterics, surrounded by gray rubble.

The Denali are near catatonic with grief at this point, while cooking has been ruined for Esme. One moment you're making food, the next people are exploding all over your kitchen.

Yeah.

Esme is not okay.

Jasper watches Nahuel blow up.

It's a shameful moment in his life.

But, hybrids are edible.

And that blood was splattered all over him.

Jasper has the worst control fail of his life, worse even than when he failed with Bella because this fail means he can't be around Renesmée anymore.

It's miserable all around.

The one highlight here is that it didn't happen when they were headed to the Volturi trial together.

Rosalie watches Emmett blow up.

Jesus christ, random Twilight character generator, just when I thought you were just going to give me boring results.

Not only does Rosalie lose the love of her life, the guy who kept her together, the one good thing she had going for her who made her life worth living, but he did so right in front of her, blowing up out of nowhere.

There's no explanation to be had, no culprit to be found, no reason for it. She had no goodbye, just as she can have no revenge.

She will never have closure.

Renesmée watches Renée blow up.

We go out on a high note, my god. Well done, generator, I'm laughing.

Renesmée is curious enough about her grandmother to go to Florida. She was going to watch from afar, but finds herself talking to the woman who raised her mother.

It's all going well until Renée suddenly explodes all over Renesmée.

Renesmée's first thought is nothing, she's in shock.

Then...

Well, she was controlled as an infant, so I don't think an adult Renesmée would lose it unless under extreme circumstances, like if she encountered a singer.

More, though, Renesmée might have any reasons of her own not to drink human blood, but she has been raised with this being a big no-no.

So she shouldn't.

However...

Is she ever going to get a better chance?

Ethically, she could easily argue this is the right choice. No one will be negatively affected by this, at least not directly.

The human is right there, already dead, and there's no body so while Renesmée does have to clean up the gore. Hell, if she laps up the blood on her clothes and the ground she will be cleaning up. Why waste perfectly good blood?

If Renesmée Cullen is ever going to have human blood, this is it.

It will come down to how much she respects her grandfather, and how important she believes Renée was to Bella.

-

Bonus, because I'm having way too much fun with this:

Bree watches Atheonodora blow up.

Bree is minding her own business when suddenly a vampire unlike any she has ever seen before, one with hazy eyes and odd skin, appears before her. They stare at each other. Then the woman blows up.

Bree takes this to mean that exploding is apparently something vampires just do sometimes, runs off in a panic and, sobbing, tells Riley.

Riley, having no idea what to make of any of this, tells her it was those evil yellow-eyes with their witchcraft and sorcery.

[amyscascadingtabs]

this is sappy but whatever. i wrote most of this before the season started (which is why i come off as reasonable and somewhat mentally stable about all of this) but felt appropriate to post it now as a thank you. ❤️

i have vivid memories from the night b99 was cancelled. the news came late evening my time, and i had been editing fic and checked twitter and there it was. loud and clear. i don’t remember which site it was but the picture was jake and amy with their wedding cake and that made everything feel even worse.

i remember freaking out even though i had been prepared, because those last days before the news hit on tumblr were... panicked. but i still freaked out to the extent that i ran outside in my pajama pants and hoodie and blue plastic slippers and called my mom, and then i walked up and down the streets where i lived in the darkness and cried in frustration as she tried to talk me down. i remember there were random guys with motorcycles out? but i was too hysterical to care. i’m pretty sure i screamed something to my mom about ”HOW CAN BIG BANG THEORY GET A BILLION SEASONS BUT THIS SHOW GETS CANCELLED????”

i know everyone who was in the fandom at the time has their cancellation story. what played the biggest part in mine was the fact that i felt like i hadn’t had enough time. really, i had only just become active in the fandom, only just started interacting with people on here and writing my first few fics, but i was absolutely loving it. it was giving me happiness again after a long period of emptiness and depressive feelings. when it was cancelled, what made me feel the worst was the fact that i’d had so little time – to make friends, write fic and react to episodes together. i felt deeply jealous of everyone who’d gotten more.

thinking about it coming to an end now has made me remember that night and those feelings of jealousy. because i did get more time. i got three more years. that night, i remember asking for just one, for a half, for anything, and i got three years.

and these three years have been a whirlwind of emotions and feelings and episodes and debates and discussions and gifsets and fanfic and asks and having this as my safe space while pretty much everything changed around me in the outside world, and i just want you all to know that i have never taken a single day of them for granted. this show could have been taken from me before i’d ever gotten the chance to grow with it and alongside it, and instead it was part of my life for three whole years.

i have a really, really good memory (four time quiz champion anyone? just me?okay <3), and i remember so much of it in such detail, and it's so weird to think about how long it's been when it also feels like yesterday.

i remember my first comment on peraltiago parenting experience, my first episode-related fic, the insane high after the renewal, staying up all night to watch the wedding live. i remember writing fanfiction on the beach while on vacation in greece, on a plane to berlin, at home on my parents balcony late late at night. i remember the honeymoon episode title being released, s6 starting filming again, the excitement over every little piece of news and finding about the cast directing. i remember labor fic and christmas fics and when i scroll back to pictures of my paris trip in january 2019 it's interspersed with a billion pictures of andy at the golden globes. i remember lighting my fairy lights in my little basement room and watching season 6 in bed at 2.30 am if it was a big episode, and watching it in the morning before fridays in high school most days. i remember writing post-ep fics during classes and on my phone on subways and trains. i remember the s7 news, and the casecation nerves and debates, and fucking kissgate. being named "the class amy santiago" by my friends when we graduated and getting a little silver paper plate to show for it. i remember the first fic exchange and inventing julian and simon santiago and i remember meeting @johnny-and-dora and eating wagamamas in manchester and talking about how simon santiago was DEFINITELY on the stairs and buying a little fake plant that i named andy plantberg (he's still in a box somewhere). i remember writing fic during slow hours in the ice cream shop i worked at. moving and putting up my framed b99 poster in my own apartment (very much still up). finding out about trying and everyone going fucking crazy. infertility fic. melissa's pregnancy news. s7 promo and standing outside my job the very first day and texting siân "AMY HAS TO PEE!!!!!???" because that was in the promo and we knew there were pregnancy tests involved in the first episode. the crazy happiness of s7 finally premiering. everyone going crazy about jake and amy deciding to start trying and how i could quote the scene verbatim the next few days. the week leading up to trying, what turned out to be the last normal week before the pandemic. the fucking MESS i was after that. the following week and ding dong and crying with happiness. being dizzy with hyperfixation joy the following day and barely feeling aware of the covid pandemic for the first few days because i was just thinking about jake and amy having a baby. getting through the first few weeks mostly because of b99. admiral peralta and finding out we were having a BOY and not even being disappointed even though the headcanon had been the opposite for years because it was perfect. the iconic b99 quizzes. lights out and mac being born. somehow managing 475 days before season 8, coping together when we got the news about the final season, watching the cast do their final day of filming. the first stream being interrupted by a storm warning and cutting out several minutes because of course. getting to see parents peraltiago and MAC and the insane speed with which those few seconds were giffed. more b99 quizzes. the vow renewal. the finale.

i remember all of it and so much more and as much as my heart is breaking, i’m trying to remind myself that i could have gotten none of this.

brooklyn nine-nine has been such an important part of my life. and it always, always will be, forever. i could have lost it all that night, and instead i got three more years. if i'd known that when i was walking the streets outside my house in the darkness in complete panic, i would have cried with happiness.

so thank you. all of you. for everything. ❤️❤️❤️ for the friendships, the joy, the asks, the debates, the fic response, EVERYTHING. whether we've shared three years or one or less, just know that i'm so grateful.

have some random pictures i found and screenshots from my private instagram (which is inactive so don't bother) from when i started this hyperfixation. jesus lmao 😭😭😭😭 i am less insane now. no i'm not. but i express it less on instagram.