#turalturanx

[genericeurofan]

sorry guys but the twins won the turquoise carpet this year

[incorrect-eurovision-quotes]

Kris:Can we stay in your room tonight?

Turan:Why?

Nace:Jure fiddled with a ouija board and cursed ours.

Jan:Bojan doesn't know how to banish spirits,so he just threw salt at them and yelled 'DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!'

[sushivisa]

the whole meltdown on twitter about joker out lowkey took me out of my art block so here’s some art from yesterday + käärija that I didn’t share jet bc dumb

[guysofeurovision]

[six-paths-of-jeanmarco]

Justice for the fallen

[vogel-lynne]

Esc 2023, who was the best Harry Styles cosplayer?

And I wonder what the class of 2024 will do for the ABBA-versary

(I didn't put the photos of the twins on the turquoise carpet because their stage outfit was more Styles-ish - the roses too, but not their hairstyle -)

[eurovisionalways]

Me looking at all the food that I’m about to eat

[gaymer-hag-stan]

Okay, a few thoughts on the Semi Final 1 acts

1. Norway 🇳🇴 - Alessandra was kind of a let down. Maybe it's because she was opening the entire Contest and the show got to her but her performance at her national final remains superior. More energy, more passion and you could tell she was actually enjoying it. The crowd went crazy when they still hadn't announced her as a qualifier though so, obviously, she's still gonna do okay. But I saw a tweet that next year's Contest would definitely be held in one of the three Nordics of Semi 1. Not in Norway, I don't think.

2. Malta 🇲🇹 - Such a shame honestly. I can't see why this song never got the hype it deserved. It's peak Eurovision, it's fun and The Busker gave their everything on that stage. It's made even more frustrating because y'all know this would have qualified in the second Semi 🙂

3. Serbia 🇷🇸 - Wow. The crowd went absolutely crazy during Luke's performance. They even chanted the "secret" 'bitch' part 🤣 He really was great. I expect perhaps a bit more in the final now that's he's secured his place in it.

4. Latvia 🇱🇻 - I said it last night too, the last few seconds were they all sing / mouth the Latvian part were haunting. I almost teared up. But, yeah, ultimately I can also see why they didn't make it. Maybe a jury would have saved them but I don't think they would have gotten an overwhelming amount of points from them either because Remo would have syphoned them up, and as we saw he was still able to qualify on televoting alone so yeah.

5. Portugal 🇵🇹 - WOW. Miss girl. Miss mother. She brought her A+ game alright! Everyone has been hyping up her performance style since Festival da Canção and the pre parties. Because the song is only ok but her performance really elevates it to new heights. I only started feeling really good about this after her rehearsal footage but wow. It was even better! Mimicat really ate that stage up. I don't wanna say she was a pleasant surprise because we knew she would qualify, but she did even better than expected is all in saying.

6. Ireland 🇮🇪 - I liked the song but yeah the performance was not on par with everyone else's. I felt he may have been kinda nervous? Idk.

7. Croatia 🇭🇷 - I have been watching them perform this song ever since their national final and I was still not ready for... that. I can't imagine people's reactions seeing them for the first time 😂 Amazing. This is how you do a political song. Zoran's vocals were also better live this time.

8. Switzerland 🇨🇭 - Remo's vocals were really good. We were pretty much guaranteed to have that but even I was pleasantly surprised. Out of all the sad slow songs his was definitely the best and the juries are gonna eat him up. I gotta say his message is a tiny bit tone deaf though like, he keeps saying that he's in an age that usually Swiss guys get drafted in the army and that he couldn't imagine being in an actual war like... Sweetie, what are you saying 🤣 I doubt comically neutral Switzerland is gonna send you to war anytime soon, and if the Swiss army is anything like the Greek one, you're just gonna do lots of chores, maybe some desk work and a couple of patrols. You're gonna be okay trust me! But then again, Europe is pretty tone deaf on most issues so this is ultimately a good fit.

9. Israel 🇮🇱 - The second disappointment of the night 😬 Like, you don't understand, every day at the gym, her and Alessandra usually come back to back on the playlist and they literally give me so much energy boost 😂 I didn't get that last night. The song is still messy, it's like BLACKPINK and she, apparently has the questionable vocals to match. Yay 😬 She killed the dance break of course so at least she's got that on BLACKPINK but she's no Eleni Foureira, no Chanel. They both danced throughout their performances as well but were still able to give good vocals, Chanel even hit a high note after her dance break. If she doesn't fix her vocals by the final the juries are gonna vote her down. Hard.

10. Moldova 🇲🇩 - Like Mimicat, Pasha also did better than expected. I honestly don't remember his 2012 entry, other than it's title, but this will stay for years! Yes it's this year's Shum, just like Fulenn was last year's, but Europe clearly enjoys pagan rituals in the forest so I hope someone continues to perform them each year. Maybe it's a secret EBU rule; someone has to do the ritual to appease Martin Osterhdal otherwise he'll invite America or sth.

11. Sweden 🇸🇪 - Miss Queen killed it ok. When I saw her Melodifestivalen performance I wasn't sure about the weird LED sandwich thing and I honestly couldn't understand what the fuck she was saying, and when I saw rehearsal footage of the smaller Liverpool LED I felt her staging got fucked a bit but they actually found the proper camera angles to make it work. Loreen sounded amazing, probably the best female vocals of last night, so yeah I can honestly see this winning again.

12. Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 - They were cute. Wholesome. But that's about it. This was such an inoffensive performance but I feel like it was ultimately not memorable at all too.

13. Czechia 🇨🇿 - Oh my god, the Vesna ladies KILLEDT itt!! So happy and proud of them. They became my favourites during rehearsals not only because Austria didn't bring it as much as I wanted but also because their act itself is amazing. Nothing more to add. Very happy.

14. Netherlands 🇳🇱 - Wow. I feel so sad for them, because they got a lot of shit in the last few months about their vocals and I guess it was kind of justified based on this performance, Dion's at least because Mia kind of kept it consistent but... Yeah 😬 I hope they still had fun though because they look like genuinely nice people, all of them this year. I honestly don't think there's any annoying contestants this year so losing any of them genuinely feels crushing this year, but I feel extra sad for Mia and Dion because, after Blanka, I feel like they might have been trashed the most this year.

15. Finland 🇫🇮 - He's bringing it alright. The performance is really nice and it's basically what I expected of him. The dances are also very much into this. They're giving a lot of drama and I love that. At times I was actually focusing on them instead of Kääri. The crowd went absolutely crazy too. Probably the loudest response. However... The vocals during the end 😬 Oof. If he doesn't fix that by the final the juries are gonna go after him hard.

[yildizlarinsonsuzlugukadar]

1510

[incorrect-eurovision-quotes]

Tural:I got suspended from school.

Mimicat:WHAT?!?!What did you do?

Tural:My professor pointed at me with a ruler,and he said “there is an idiot at the end of this ruler”.

Mimicat:And…?

Tural:I asked which end.

Mimicat,unable to contain her laughter:Okay,you just made my day.

[eurovision-facts]

Eurovision Fact #481:

Since joining the Eurovision Song Contest, Azerbaijan has only missed qualifying for the Grand final twice.

The first time they failed to qualify was in 2018, where Aisel's 'X My Heart' earned only 94 points in its semi-final, placing 11th.

Next, TuralTuranX's 'Tell Me More' placed 14th in their 2023 semi-final, earning only 4 points.

[Source]

Azerbaijan, Eurovision.tv.

[bestial4ngel]

YOU’RE JOKING HOW DID AZERBAIJAN NOT GET INTO THE FINALS THEY WERE SO GOOD

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023 PRESHOW - Part 4: Acts I can Respect, I guess.

Some songs aren’t for me. But they still bring something new or different to the table and I can respect that. Here are five songs on the cusp between almost good and almost meh.

25. GEORGIA Iru - “Echo” Semi 2, #slot11

Iru set a weird new standard for eurofandom cabin fever when they concluded that Georgia were GIVING OFF WINNER vibes based A FUCKING PHOTOGRAPH.

OMG SO FIERCE SHE’S GONNA SLAY -- really stupid people. 

Fortunately, “Echo” soon released and instantly erased this nonsense 🙂. And let “nonsense” be the ideal word to describe “Echo” with. Dear Georgia, the fuck’s this chorus?

Days in a row I'm thinking, I know I've got a big faith My love is my crown Will be better way Will be better day now It is not a secret

Eurovision is no stranger to word salads, especially from Georgia, but “Echo” is a word casserole. It follows the Barkerian approach of throwing logic out of the window and treating words as merely another layer of sound. You cannot PRETEND to have meaning and also do this, sorry that doesn’t work! Come back when ur sober...x. 

But what about the rest of the song? I suppose there is an interesting structure here where “Echo” just discards a beginning and ending, and just jumps into three minutes of straight action. Breaking conventional norms! The interest is fully academic though because it just doesn’t work. If you’re thrust into the action immediately and unprepared as a first time viewer, nothing is going to fucking stick, innit?

Like yeah, I know. This is Georgia and they’re a bit different than most other countries and we’re expect to believe they’re MASTERING the avant garde genre after delighting us with “Midnight Gold” and “Visionary Dream”... and yet I’m not buying into it this year. “Echo” is no less of a sham than “Jezinky” or “Secreto del Aqua” (or, dare I say, that other Blanca Paloma song?) in that it just showboats baseline artistry + power vocals while neglecting to deliver the base product of a good song - and they get away with ALL of it because Iru is a woman!

In terms of personal enjoyment, Georgia probably should have been a part of the last update (Iru’s virtually tied with Alika), but eh. “Echo” is a lot of things (at once.), but it’s not BORING. It tries to bring something different to the table and I can respect the attempt. The result’s just... kinda stupid and nonsensical, that’s all. 🤷‍♀️

Odds at Eurovision - Georgia

“Echo” is one of several borderlines in semi 2, so it really depends on how well Georgia stage it and how awful the other BLs are. 

The main hurdle they face is general appeal. “Echo” lacks a clear beginning or end, let alone a base fucking narrative which makes it very difficult to get into. The only trump card Georgia have are Iru’s vocals, but what advantage would this screaming woman have over an Alika or a Diljá? a draw in the middle of the favourite (and directly after the criminally underrated Slovene entry) won’t do them much favours either. 

It all boils down to how well Georgia get their artistic vision across and this has been tried and ruled to be televote repellent for the past seven contests. 

If Georgia do qualify, it would be a good indicator that there is some mass appeal there and, I could see “Echo” getting a midtable result with moderately positive acclaim from both vote bases. 

I do NOT believe Georgia are coming top 10 though. 🙂 12th is their celing, sorry to disappoint you now BUT IT’ S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD TO GET USED TO DISAPPOINTMENT ONCE SHE DOES WORSE THAN THAT IN LIVERPOOL. 

Qualifier Tier: C Projected placement: 7th-14th (Semi), 

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24. DENMARK Reiley - “Breaking my heart” Semi 2, slot #01

This lil’ fucker is twenty-five.

Weeerq? 

This seems like a good point to eliminate Reiley. You know my taste by now, and are fully aware that “K-pop loving twink” is NOT a flavour I particularly like or care for, in any medium or universe.

However, I don’t really mind Reiley at all oops. Should I? I know people loved that uncanny valley rock song and that awkward marriage duet, but when I heard the Danish hopefuls (only once, I assure you) I was surprised to like the TikTok twink the most. And then he won, HOORAY!

Unfortunately we’re sort of in the ReDDI zone here where I liked Reiley the most at DMGP and wanted him to win... but DMGP is always kinda shit, so once he won and one has to compare “Breaking my heart” to songs that are actually, you know, better than “just okay”, he immediately dropped to upper yellow and stayed there forevermore.

For me personally the big dealbreaker isn’t so much the K-pop inspired music or the twinkishness or the fact that he’s a fucking INFLUENCER with a clearly fake follower count - it’s the fucking aggro autotune. the “IF WE COULD GO BACK TO THE START”s of “Breaking my heart”  should have been THE slope I could have slid down into embracing a Danish entry just this once (in a similar way to how allowing “Ciutoooo tuuuuto” to dwell rent-free in my brain made me enjoy “Stay” way more than I should), but the robot voice ruins it for me. You sir, are no Olson brother. 😌

Odds at Eurovision - Denmark

Another one of those Semi 2 borderline qualifiers, eh? Well, I’m tempted to say Denmark make it through in their usual 10th place since at Eurovision there’s always a place for upbeat bouncy pop (and also, semi 2 is generally just kinda miserable) and Reiley does have a (clearly fake but still) large enough follower count. 

However, Denmark are on first and this may be just my wrong impression, but I think “Breaking my heart” is a shittttt opener. Semi 2 doesn’t exactly have good opening material in its first half, but i would have let Belgium kick it off, surely?  Semi 2 has a slow start and by being a fairly meh first act Reiley is in part responsible FOR the early show lethargy. 

If Denmark do qualify, I think they’ll get a lowish result in the Grand Final. Unless they get massive traction from juries in a Lake Malawi sort of way (which I doubt because “Breakin’ my heart” is sadly, not very catchy), I’d guesstimate they’ll come crashing into a bottom 5 position. 

Qualifier Tier: C+ Projected placement: 8th-12th (semi), 23rd-26th (Grand Final)

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23. SPAIN Blanca Paloma - “Eaea”  Autoqualifier

I am going to regret this, am I not? 🙄😣

So yeah, Spain’s entry is fine. I HATED that Blanca won with such overwhelming force, beating Nochentera and Arcadia (two of the best, if not the two best acts of the NF season), but w/e I’m over it. I don’t think anyone can deny that Blanca Paloma is a visionary artist with a clear understanding of both visual spectacle and musical fusion. She manages to really NAIL a flamenco punk vocal (arguably one of the three best vocalists in the year, the other two being Gustaph and Andrejs from Sudden Lights) and supports it with an act that is a feast for the eyes.

In sum,  Everything about “Eaea” is great!

Except for the fucking song. 

Ya see, Spain’s really in the same ballpark as Georgia for me: Their song is basically a bunch of nonsense that should be deemed unviable on the spot through sheer logic, but is revered by the fandom through a combination of latent misandry and stockholm syndrome. “Eaea is at least more of a song than than “Echo” is - its lyrics make sense and the song follows a clear narrative. Hence the Reiley-sized gap between them on the ranking. 

However, “Eaea” has a different Big Problem in that it builds promise right at the start, and then seemingly devolves into a two-minute vocal masturbation exercise, and that’s where it loses me.  I LIKE the flamenco vocals, but I don’t like the way it is used in the song. It’s exhausting. The music plays second fiddle to the vocals and I feel like it should be the other way around! I really don’t fucking CARE about the Where I Ams of this world, sorry, never have, never shall!

So what do I fucking do with an act that I enjoy looking at and DON’T enjoy listening to? I suppose I use them as the dividing line between what I like and what I don’t like, I guess? Everything else about Spain is great this year, so idk, maybe I’ll like it at the end? 

Basically, I need more time to ruminate over where I like “Eaea” or not, and in what capacity. I don’t fucking know right now, and thinking about it (and the reaction of the Spaintard when they stumble across this post) ages me. I’ve decded that I’ll give an answer after Blanca’s ESC journey has been completed, so I’ll just dump her here and you’ll just have to deal. :-) 

Which brings me to:

Odds at Eurovision - SPAIN

To be fair, when Eaea first won I thought it would be the usual overrated Spanish entry that would flop at ESC. Like genuinely, mid-table? Honestly, I feel like that could have been the result in a competitive year.

However, I have to retract my words here. As more entries poured in and the year became  progressively less competitive, it also became clear to me that Spain will indeed do very well in Liverpool. For the gripes that I have about her song, Blanca has consistently been excellent live in both vocals and acting. As the days pass, the more convinced I am she will be able to bluff her way into the hearts of juries and televoters and eke out another top five for Spain. 

I doubt she wins though, which is what the Blancaheads would like you to believe. On paper, Spain is a dark horse contender, the most likely winner after Finland and Sweden, but let’s be fair, it really just is Sweden or Finland, with zero chance of anyone else? It’s looking more and more like a Loreen coronation to a point I want to vomit one could even argue Käärijä is a Dark Horse to win it now.

But yeah, I no longer believe she’s midtable anymore, and I will be very angry with myself if she does flop (she won’t) for not sticking to my first impression. 🙂

Cool electric guitar though. 🙂

Projected Placement: 2nd-5th (prediction: 3rd)

22. GERMANY Lord of the Lost - “Blood and glitter” Autoqualifier

Okay, so Lord of the Lost are the first act on this ranking that I will say I ~like~, but only just. 🙂

Let’s start with the good bits. CAMPY SCHLAGER METAL YESSSS  😍 INSTANTLY MEMORABLE VISUAL SPECTACLE YESSSS  😍 ENERGY SPIKES DURING A BORINGDULL LIVE SHOW YESSSS 😍

Added bonus: Germany FINALLY selecting something entertaining and non-conformist in forever. Bag that safe and insipid era!!!

Now, the not good bits. Which us honestly  just one big thing: “Blood and glitter” is not very exciting. DESPITE BEING WHAT IT IS. 

I feel like there are several smaller reasons why it doesn’t excite me as much: The cadence of the verses is arrhythmic and disturbs the flow they’re going for, and while Lord of the Lost went far enough on their campy gore for a shitshow like Unser Lied, I don’t think they go far enough for Eurovision (at least not yet). I’m taking about both music AND staging btw.

The biggest killer for me though is that I feel like “Blood and glitter” just lasts too fucking long. Around the halfway point Lord of the Lost just start to repeat the chorus in different music styles and that makes the second half tedious and, dare I say it, kinda boring? It’s like the end of Return of the King, except the Fellowship are all Orcs.

Overall though, I do feel like Germany show promise and I like them... but they have a long road ahead if they want to rise on this ranking come May. 😶

Odds at Eurovision - Germany

This one’s easy: midtable result at best, probably in the third quadrant of the scoreboard. If the Unser Lied vote was any indicator, we’re in for a very low jury and high-ish televote. 

I do NOT buy that the televote by itself will be enough to carry Germany into the top 10, which is a take I’ve heard from others. Like, they’ll get points, enough to avoid the bottom five, but surely we should realize by now that Käärijâ will receive the bulk of the metalheads’ votes, followed distantly by Voyager. Lord of the Lost’s tally will be whatever crumbs those two didn’t eat. (like Finland’s TV for instance).

Germany need to make Blood and Glitter more exciting through its staging, but I also don’t trust ARD at all. Germany have had too many outright failures as of late. Which may be Germany’s biggest hurdle overall. When most people expect you to be bad, it’s a LOT of work to convince them you’re worthy of being given a chance, regardless of whether you are or not. 

And a song with six final choruses may not be the best at achieving that lofty goal.

Projected placement: 14th-20th

-------------------------------------------

21. AZERBAIJAN TuralTuranX - “Tell me more” Semi 1, slot #12

WEIRDO TWINBEASTS <3333

After last year’s Nadir debacle I promised myself to hate  Azerbaijan’s crap no matter what!! 

Once they announced their act, a pair emaciated gremlin twinks with a stage name straight from MySpace, I convinced myself they would be shit and I would HATE them! 

And yet, “Tell me more” released and against every impulse, I liked it almost immediately! Socially awkward and yet touchingly naive, it’s a song that lights up like Napolean Dynamite. It feels like a very fitting choice for a contest set in the same city that produced The Beatles. 😁

Out of the many things you can say about Azerbaijan at ESC, their most prominent trait has always been the steady stream of Swedish McSongs performed by jazz singers who clearly despised the experience. 

It is refreshing to have that very same country send an awkward, unpretentious self-composed Britrock song by two young men that actually seem to embrace the experience for once. Tural and Turan not only attended a few of the preparties (which the Azerbaijani NEVER do), they actually joined the afterparty in Amsterdam as well, where they -to my delight- appeared to deliberately avoid Ell -who was also present :/ - before mingling with the fans. Clearly Tural and Turan are guys willing to live their best live, and I support it.

So why rank them only 21st in spite of the praise? Well, BECAUSE I HAVE SMELLED BLOOD. 😈😈😈😈

Odds at Eurovision - AZERBAIJAN

We’re finally getting it: The rare Azerbaijani NQ, and I’m SO excited for it. Yes, it of course is going to happen when Azer are sending their most risky, quirky and authentic entry in years, that’s just how the universe works. It is unfortunate whenever daring and originality are rewarded with failure, but guess what - recompense for last year, bitches. 

The Nadir tomfoolery was inexcusable (Andrea was ROBBED!) and we’re owned payment in the form of a cold hard NQ. 

In that regard, I absolutely believe Tural and Turan will deliver because (1) awkward twinbeasts (2) “Tell Me More” is already strange and unvoteable in itself (3) they’re up right after Loreen. Three strikes and ur OWT. 

Like realistically, I could see Azer finish ahead Ireland and Netherlands... and maybe Shitzerland in the televote. But who is going to pick up their phone for a despised jury pet? The Brits who cannot vote in semi 1 anyway? Latvia?

The cherry on the sundae: I honestly do believe “Tell Me More” would be Q with juries, or even Q *thanks to* the juries, if juries were to play a part in the semfinal. But they won’t, so OOPS can’t resort to your old tactics this time around Azer! Too bad! So sad! 🙂

Projected placement: 11th-15th (Semifinal)

THE RANKING:

Part 1: The BAD entries   (Switzerland / Croatia / Israel / Greece) Part 2: the IRRELEVANT entries  (Ireland / Albania / Netherlands / San Marino) Part 3: The Borewhores (Estonia / Ukraine / Cyprus / Italy) next up, entries I enjoy! Hooray!

[guysofeurovision]

My ears 🙉

[corrodedbisexual]

Eurovision 2023 postcards - TuralTuranX | Azerbaijan 🇦🇿

requested by @haventacluewhatimdoing 💐