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streetlamp-amber · 1 month

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first kicks

batfamily x batmom!reader

word count: 1.9k | divider by @saradika | requests are open!

CW: family fluff, pregnancy NOTES: i wanted to write more batfam fluff this time with jason included. very sorry if jason is ooc, most of my knowledge of him comes from fics lol

Rainy Sunday afternoons at Wayne Manor were usually spent with you and your sons in the living room, occupying the big U-shaped sectional sofa. Sometimes Bruce would join you three, resting his feet on the coffee table as he worked on his laptop. Today was one of those days.

You were helping Dick do some research on the internet for a science school project that was due next week while Jason laid on his stomach on the other side of the couch, reading a Where’s Waldo? book by himself. Your husband sat in the other corner of the couch, doing some research on the latest villain terrorising Gotham. You didn’t mind if the work he was doing was for Batman, as long as he spent some time with the family outside of the cave, you were satisfied. Especially since the Wayne clan was about to expand in a little more than four months. Plus, with your belly growing bigger as the weeks went by, it was becoming harder for you to do some tasks around the house. Tasks that you didn’t want to ask Alfred for help with since it was your husband’s job to be at your beck and call through the pregnancy. Bruce obviously didn’t mind and loved helping you, he just sometimes tended to get lost in his Batman work for long periods of time.

The television was playing in the background, a football game between two teams that you didn’t really care about was taking place but you didn’t mind. You couldn’t work well without some sort of background noise and this was doing the job.

”So Dick, have you chosen which natural disaster to base your research project on?” Bruce asked your eldest while closing his laptop and joining him on his other side, making the twelve year old squished between his parents.

”We’ve narrowed it down to three: the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami, the 1906 San Francisco earthquake and Hurricane Katrina,” Dick answered, clicking on different tabs of each of the natural disasters as he named them. “I want to do my research on a popular one so I can easily find all the information I need.”

”Smart, isn’t he?” You smirked at Bruce as you mindlessly threaded your fingers in Dick’s dark hair who continued scrolling on the internet.

“Never thought otherwise,” your husband said, mirroring your grin. “Jay, have you found all the Waldos yet?” He leaned forward to ask Jason.

“I’m almost done,” the six year old easily dismissed Bruce, not even bothering to tear his eyes away from the pages.

“It’s best not to bother him when he’s searching for Waldo,” you informed your husband in a low volume.

Bruce nodded his head in understanding and redirected his attention back on Dick. “So, how are you gonna make your choice, chum? You could write them down on three pieces of paper and do a draw,” he suggested, leaning his arm on the back of the couch behind Dick, his fingers playing with the neck of your tshirt.

“Dad, I don’t need to write it down on some paper,” Dick sighed, a little annoyed. “You can do that on the internet now.”

“You can?” Bruce asked, surprised. Your husband was really tech savvy when it came down to work related to Batman, but silly, random stuff like a drawing roulette was not part of his internet knowledge.

You leaned your head on your left hand that was propped on the back of the couch and soothingly rubbed your round belly with the other. You watched with a soft smile Dick showing Bruce how to generate a random picking wheel to spin on the internet. Moments like these were the ones you cherished the most, domesticity wasn’t always the norm around here when you had two vigilantes living under your roof so you always tried to savour them whenever they happened.

The calmness in you was interrupted when you felt movement under your right hand.

“Oh my God,” you whispered, eyes round like saucers as you looked down at your bump and raised up the hem of your shirt to make sure what you felt was right.

“What?” Bruce immediately turned his attention to you. “What is it? Is something wrong? Are you alright?”

“I think the baby just kicked,”you said, raising your head to meet his eyes.

“The baby just kicked?” He repeated in disbelief.

You shook your head ‘yes’ just as you felt more movement. “The baby kicked again.”

Bruce rapidly stood up to sit by your side while Dick discarded his laptop before placing a hand on your belly and Jason left his book to climb on your husband’s lap to be closer to you. All had a hand on your stomach, staring at it expectantly, waiting for another kick.

“I don’t know if the baby’s gonna kick again,” you told them.

“Well that’s just not fair,” Jason whined.

“We just need to be patient,” Bruce said. “I’m sure the baby will do it again.”

And sure enough he was right.

“Oh my God! I felt it! I felt the baby kick!” Dick exclaimed, though he kept the volume of his voice to a low level as if he would scare the baby away if he screamed.

“I wanna feel it too!” Jason cried.

“Here Jay, put your hand there,” you told your youngest as you gently grabbed his wrist and moved his hand to a different area of your belly, closer to Dick’s hand.

“Maybe if we keep talking, the baby will kick again,” Dick suggested.

“That’s true, babies can hear us from inside the mother’s belly,” Bruce agreed with him.

“They can?” Jason looked at you quizzically.

You chuckled at his confused face as you brushed his hair away from his forehead. “Yeah they can, it’s not completely soundproof in there,” you answered him.

“That’s why Dad is always talking to your belly?” Dick asked.

You fully laughed at this. “Yes, that’s why Dad talks to the belly. You can too if you wanna.”

“We can?” Dick perked up then leaned closer to your bump. “Hi baby, I’m Dick. Your big brother,” he said.

Jason also leaned forward. “And I’m Jason, I’m also gonna be your big brother.”

“Yeah but I’m the big big brother, I’m the oldest,” Dick argued.

“But I’m gonna be a big brother too!”

“Boys,” Bruce intervened. “No arguing around your mother. The baby will hear enough of that when it joins our lives, let it have its peace while it’s in the womb.”

A series of kicks started at that moment, making Dick and Jason gasp in surprise at the movements they felt under their hands. Bruce turned to you and the two of you shared a look full of love.

“That’s our baby,” he said to you, almost in a whisper, while Dick and Jason continued marvelling at the fact they could feel their sibling.

“That's our baby,” you repeated in confirmation. Nothing could've erased the smiles on both of your lips.

“I love you,” Bruce said against your forehead before leaving a soft kiss there and pulling away to share a short peck on the lips with you.

“Ew! Gross!” Jason interrupted your moment. Your sons weren’t the biggest fans of you and Bruce’s displays of affection for each other.

You giggled at the boys’ antics but still took a second to say “I love you” back to your husband.

“Someone should get Alfred so we can share this moment with him,” you suggested to the kids.

“Not it!”

Jason and Dick quickly shouted, the former being the fastest to say it.

Dick groaned before he stood up from the couch and jogged out of the living room. The faster he would find Alfred, the faster he would be back next to you. “Alfred! The baby is kicking for the first time!” Dick called through the manor for your butler.

“He knows he doesn’t need to scream, right?” Bruce asked you. “Alfred can hear the boys break something all the way from the other side of the house.”

“Oh, let him be. He’s just very excited about the baby kicking,” you lightly reprimanded him with the corner of your mouth pulling up in a smirk.

You detached your gaze from your husband down to Jason who now had both of his small hands on your belly, his mouth in the shape of an ‘O’ and his eyes round with wonder in them.

“This is so cool,” he said, barely above a whisper.

“Looks like you’re gonna have some competition Jay, that baby sure is kicking a lot,” Bruce jokingly commented as the kicking didn’t stop.

You chuckled as you remembered all the times you’d stop by the gym room to find Jason relentlessly kicking at Bruce’s punching bag. For a six year old, he already had so much anger pent up inside his little body and it worried you sometimes. But ever since Bruce brought him back to the Manor, Jay had been getting better. The amount of vases thrown at the wall had drastically decreased since then, both to yours and Alfred’s reliefs, and he instead would run to the gym room and let out his anger on the punching bag when needed.

“I can’t wait to play fight with you,” Jason whispered loudly to your belly with a smile.

“No,” you immediately said.

“Best you stick to play fighting with Dick for a couple more years, buddy,” Bruce told your son.

Jason pouted. “But he's always pulling some acrobatic shit–”

“Language!” You scolded him.

“But Ma! Dad and Dick say it all the time!” Jason cried out defensively. “That’s not fair,” he retracted his hands from your belly to cross his arms over his chest.

“Well Dad and Dick, and you too apparently, will not be saying words like that around the baby,” you warned. “Capiche?”

“Capiche,” Jason mumbled.

“Capiche?” You repeated, now glaring at your husband.

“Hey, I’ve really been refraining on the bad words ever since Dick joined us,” Bruce argued but you raised your eyebrows in a way that said this wasn’t what you wanted to hear. “Capiche,” Bruce sighed out, knowing he wasn't going to win this fight.

“Master Dick, slow down a little. There’s no need for running,” you heard Alfred’s voice approaching down the hall.

“But Alfred, the baby is kicking!” Dick reiterated.

Your oldest ran in the living room, his hand firmly holding Alfred’s who tried to keep up behind him.

“I heard you the first ten times, Master Dick, the baby will still be there no matter how fast we get there,” Alfred argued.

“Yeah but it might stop kicking,” Dick said and the two sat on the couch to your unoccupied left.

“Don’t worry chum, the baby’s still kicking,” Bruce told him while looking fondly at your belly.

“Please Alfred, feel the baby,” you said to your butler with an inviting smile, grabbing his hand that rested on his knee and gently squeezing it. “We want you to be part of this moment too.”

Alfred’s hand joined the others on your bump and the old man smiled at you and Bruce as he felt the tiny bumps moving around under your skin. “This is sensational.”

“Isn’t it?” You smiled back at him, content to have everyone you wanted to share your baby’s first kicks with.

Your little family of five (soon-to-be six) remained on the couch until the baby grew tired and stopped kicking, much to Dick and Jason’s dismay. Alfred went back to his tasks, the boys to their laptop and book, and Bruce wrapped his arm around your shoulder as you cuddled next to him, watching over your children and just enjoying the normalcy of this Sunday afternoon.

Domesticity used to be rare at the Wayne Manor, but not anymore. And you, for one, were very happy about it.

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clubdionysus · 4 months

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[BAD DECISION #35] Saying 'Please'

warnings: clubbing, drinking, existential thoughts and DMCs, kissing <33 another fave chapter of mine!! wholesome! also i think this is the wrong header....i think it might belong to the next chapter.... so if u see it change, that's why!!

wc: 6.8k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

"Hold still," you giggle as you sit with Jeongguk in the Dionysus staff room.

It's dark, with only a small lamp to illuminate the room, and yet the energy between you both is electric. There's no need for anything else.

"I am holding still," he gruffs with a pleasant smile, hands stroking up your hips. He's sitting on the arm of the sofa, while you stand between his legs and tap a little bit of glitter onto his cheekbones.

He's not had a drop of alcohol yet, but something about being here with you makes him feel all giddy. A serene sense of excitement bubbles through his veins, and he's unable to hide his smile. Eyes closed, he's letting you glitter him up however you see fit.

And how you see fit is matching him exactly to your (now restored) cheek glitter. It's a liquid glitter, applied with a wand and then delicately tapped into the skin with your fingers. A mixture of glitters create the shade - flecks of holographic white, a little silver and some pink. It's not your favourite, but it's still pretty.

Is even prettier, you think, when it's on him.

And you tell him as such.

"You look good," you smile, looking down at him with such a fondness only reserved for him.

When he smiles, he gets all bashful. Tells you to shut up. Keeps his eyes closed. Shakes his head.

You don't insist on complimenting him any further, even though it feels like you should. As soon as you're on the dancefloor, you know there will be girls ogling him left right and centre.

There's something about Jeongguk tonight. He's always handsome, yes. Always got a smile that could like up a room, and eyes that can make you feel alone together in a crowded room. Never is he one to simply fade into the background.

And yet tonight, there's just something more . Maybe it's the glitter - but he wasn't wearing any when he showed up to the speed dating venue and still managed to have half the room swooning for him.

Maybe it's the fact he's on your side of the bar tonight; not out of reach like he so often is. He waits with you, your elbows on the bar, his arm over your shoulders, as your drinks are being made. It's Yeonjun tending Jeongguk's usual section for a change. His once blue hair is now back to its natural state, but he's just as charming.

"He's like my little protégé," Jeongguk coos, as you watch while Yeonjun makes a round of purple starfuckers for you both. Two each, straight on Jeongguk's tab, then straight down your throats.

Yeonjun's hair isn't the only thing that's changed since those first Purple Starfuckers. Glancing up at Jeongguk, still beaming over his protégé pride, you think of all his changes.

Arms just the same, there's been no additional tattoos. The eyebrow piercing he once sported had been removed perhaps a month or so post-star-fucker-introduction. His lip ring remains, and you're thankful for it - although you do want to curse out how often it has you looking at his lips.

Pretty lips, you always think. Thinner than what you usually go for, but perfect in shape.

"Fuck off with those eyes of yours," he says, passing over the next shot to you. Mouth gasping in shock, you feign innocence - but he doesn't buy it. "You know what you're doing."

He lets his hand stroke down your back. Squeezes at your waist. Runs his hand back up. Squeezes at the nape of your neck, now. His eyes shine like a magpie's nest, and you consider maybe that's why he keeps you around. Just loves stealing the remains of your sparkle - only ever the spares. The stuff you're willing to give away. Would never steal directly from you.

Smiles, as he insists. "You know ."

And sure, maybe you do know - but you're a liar when it comes to your intentions, not just to him, but to yourself.

"I know nothing of the sort!" You protest, a serene smile on your lips, and a look in your eye that Jeongguk knows he'll never get over. Would be impossible at this point. Raising the shot class up to cheers against his own, you laugh. "To never settling."

Jeongguk raises his plastic shot glass. Narrows his eyes, but agrees. Has a coy smile on his pretty lips as he says, "To never settling."

You haven't relayed the full conversation between you and Seojoon to Jeongguk yet. Just said it was clear that you wanted different things out of life. Part of you is a little bit scared that perhaps he'll share Seojoon's views.

Though you suppose it doesn't really make all that much of a difference, does it? Not when you're just friends.

You order up another drink - vodka coke for you, whiskey sour for him - to see you through the next half an hour or so. You've never had Jeongguk all to yourself on a dancefloor, and it seems a shame to waste time by the bar when you could be there instead.

Beaming like an ultraviolet light as he tugs on your hand, pulling you into the crowd with him, Jeongguk isn't shy about how pleased he is. Calls you Disco Ball, 'cause it's apt - and the way you shine in his direction as he says it only proves this.

There's a sea of moving bodies, but it feels like Jeongguk is parting the tides. For you, he's capable of that. Will do the impossible. Go above and beyond. Just like a good friend should.

The spot you end up in is dead centre amongst the madness of the club. There's a sheen to his skin that isn't from the glitter, but instead from the heat - and yet you find that you don't mind it. In fact, if anything, you like it.

Pheromones, you assume. It's what you'll put it down to. Is probably correct. Also probably has something to do with the fact that you normally only see him like this after a couple of rounds tangled in his sheets.

Improper thoughts, you scold yourself. Move your body to the beat of the track playing; drink in one hand, while the other snakes around Jeongguk's neck.

He doesn't really think much of it as he reciprocates; drink in one hand, his other snaking around your waist.

There's a closeness to you that can only be explained away by the intimacy of your friendship. That's what you tell yourself, as if there aren't strangers in the club sharing similar embraces. Your friendship has very little to do with it.

It's your desire to prevent anyone else from infringing upon your time spent together that keeps you close. It's territorial. An indication for any who glances your way to back off.

He's keeping you guarded, and you're reciprocating.

From the bar, when he captures a glimpse of you both, Yeonjun smiles. Sends a message to Jeongguk.

Bet you 10,000 won that Disco Ball is going home with you.

It's not even that you want to go home together (even though you inevitably will). It's just that time together like this is rare. Jimin's always around, or Danbi, or Tae. All three, a lot of the time.

Not once have you ever been in Dionysus like this together, just you two.

And so while no, Jeongguk has no intention of seducing you tonight, he also doesn't want to give anyone the chance to either. This is his time, and he wants to spend it with you, and you alone.

The people around you blur into one large mass; like traffic in a slow-shutter-speed photograph. They're moving, and you're aware of this, but you aren't paying them any real attention. Why would you, when you've got Jeon Jeongguk right in front of you?

Neither of you seem to be able to dance properly. There's a beat, and you're keeping to it - but you're more focused on aggressively shouting the lyrics of the current song at one another.

You've not heard it since middle school - yet word for word, you both remember it.

It's some song from a movie that girls your age loved as teenagers; one that Jeongguk has been made to watch by all of the girls he's ever dated. They're always impressed when they find out he's seen it already. Always swoon whenever he can dramatically sing along to the closing track.

Kind of like how you are, now.

One of the soft virtues of Jeongguk is how blissfully unaware he is of his charisma. You know that romance movies are commonplace in his apartment with Jimin - and know that if Jimin is also out drinking tonight, then tomorrow morning will be spent watching The Notebook as per usual - but you aren't naive.

You know that this is a film that has been watched by Jeongguk at the request of other girls.

He never admits it. When girls ask how on earth he's already seen it, he plays coy. Knows that it could ruin the flirt.

Funny, 'cause it kinda does the opposite for you. Doesn't make you jealous. Just makes you like him even more. Shows that he cares. That he values the interests and passions of the people he spends time with.

Easy, is being loved by Jeongguk. Or at least, you imagine it is. Imagine that no one would ever have to doubt his sincerity. That his affection works like a dam; once the barrier breaks, the truth of how he feels for someone would forever flow until the river dries up.

You're unaware of how hard his dam for you is working.

The pressure of the water he's keeping at bay is all-consuming. Takes all of his might for him not to let anything spill over. All it would take is a single drop for the rest to flow through. He worries you'll drown. Worries that a lack of restraint would ruin what is now pristine.

And so he's quiet about his feelings as he keeps you close in the shrouded haze of a club that will keep all of your secrets, if you ever dared to say them out loud.

Lifting your head up a little, Jeongguk reciprocates. Looks down. Dips. Nudges his nose up against yours. Neither of you close that tiny little gap; the one that will take you over the threshold of what you truly are. If he doesn't say a word, then it's okay.

The music is loud -yet the only things it drowns out are any sensible thoughts, bass beating around the room like the pulse of the muscle in your chest.

Jeongguk edges his lips a little closer. Could kiss you right now, if he wanted to. Probably would, if he thought you wanted him to.

Instead, he shakes his head. Pulls away. Takes a sip of his drink. Grins.

"You're trouble, Disco Ball."

Such a declaration makes you laugh. You don't mind Jeongguk cutting the tension. It's sensible. Was one thing to kiss you in the privacy of a photobooth in Busan, but you live in this city. You never know who could be in the bar right now watching all of this unfold.

There are regulars in the crowd tonight; people who know Jeongguk, even if he doesn't really know them. Could make his life difficult if he's seen necking off with you. Could give the impression that punters aren't off-limits for him. Could get people trying to push boundaries, which is the least of what he'd want while he's working.

You simply shrug. "You seem to like trouble."

Jeongguk shakes his head once more. He doesn't like trouble one bit. Wants to avoid it if he can.

Shame, really, how he can't avoid you. Won't avoid you. Can't bring himself to.

You're a burr in his saddle, but he finds he likes the irritation. It's troublesome, and bothersome - but you're never a bother . He'll let you infringe on his thoughts endlessly because he loves the little scratch your presence has on his brain.

By the time it strikes midnight, you're drunk hiccuping in the courtyard that Jeongguk so often escapes to alone. Hasn't really spent much time there since the Hayun debacle. What once was a sanctuary began to feel like the scene of a crime. Guilt-ridden. Dirty. Evidence of his mistakes. No grievous bodily harm committed, but a knife was still taken to his heart. To his sense of self. Who he thought he was.

"I've missed this place," you say, as if you haven't only visited it a handful of times. Jeongguk stands at the door frame, arms folded, his defences still up. Just what this place does to him these days.

And yet as you ambulate the space, it's like spring is blooming. Flowers sprout where dirt once was. Branches welcome tiny birds. A shimmer follows you, like magic. A real-life Disney princess.

He's no Prince Charming. He knows this. Knows that he hasn't lived a life to deserve a heart so pure. Has done you wrong.

But he's also drunk, and spring is yet to come. There are no flowers, no birds. Just his imagination - though there is glitter.

He fails to consider that perhaps you don't want Prince Charming. He doesn't know your favourite Disney movie.

And so he asks.

"Favourite ever?" you ask, eyes lighting up like the skies on Gwangalli beach whenever there's a drone show. "Ohh, easy. Tangled."

"Tangled?" He asks, and then clarifies. "Rapunzel?"

Nodding, you bite down on your lip a little, watching as Jeongguk walks in to share the space with you. Takes a seat on the bench. Is overwhelmingly pleased that you choose to fill the space beside him.

"Flynn Rider is, like, the hottest Disney boy there is," you assure him.

"He's a cartoon," Jeongguk objects.

"So?"

"So-"

"You fancy Widowmaker," you deadpan, your knowledge of overwatch limited to what he's shared with you. You don't even know that he does fancy her - just know that it's bound to get a reaction, which is what you're aiming for.

"Okay firstly, I don't fancy Widowmaker," he protests, just as you had hoped. "I fancy D'va - and regardless! It's not the same!"

"It's worse," you laugh. "At least you're meant to fancy Flynn Rider-"

"Oh c'mon! She's cute-"

"And so is Flynn!"

"Yeah, but it's not like he's Prince Charming, or anything like that," Jeongguk pouts.

"Exactly," you laugh. "Who wants that? He's boring."

"He's literally Prince Charming," Jeongguk states. "Doesn't everyone want him?"

Laughing, you shake your head. "Fuck, no. Flynn is funny . He's arrogant, yes, but that's what makes him so charming. He doesn't pretend to be a good guy. You know he's a dick and you love him regardless."

"So that's what you're after?" Jeongguk questions, even more confused. "An asshole?"

"No," you insist. "'Cause he's not really an asshole. He's got a good heart - but he's not perfect. He's got a personality. I don't know about you, mate, but perfection is the worst trait you can look for in a partner. Will forever be disappointed."

Perhaps that's Jeongguk's issue. He's always been a perfectionist. Holds himself to a higher standard than you could ever imagine - and always mistakenly assumed you held him to it, too.

"And I mean, we all have our flaws. Nobody is perfect," you follow up, almost as if you know exactly how his brain works. What he's thinking about.

"Do you ever wish..." he starts, but trails off. Is thinking about what he considers his own flaws. Wants to know how you perceive them. Contemplates what he's about to ask, and then thinks fuck it . "My lips. Are my lips okay?"

A little surprised by his question, you laugh. "Sorry?"

He doesn't say 'forgiven'. Is too caught up in his own head.

"Like, are they enough ? Do they feel okay?" He ends the question with a purse of his lips, his fingers reaching up to trace the outline, as if he's checking that he does, in fact, still have some.

"What are you on about?" You ask, utterly confused, as if you've ever given him a reason to think you don't like them.

Of course you like them.

"When we kiss," he clarifies, as if his thoughts are obvious. "Are they okay?"

"What?" You laugh awkwardly, almost affronted by his lack of confidence. It seems so unlike him. Granted, kissing isn't really a topic that you speak about - mainly because it's on your list of banned endeavours - but you've been kissing him an awful lot lately. Kind of thought it spoke for itself. "Why would you think they're not? Did someone say something tonight? During the dates?"

He shakes his head. If anything, it was the opposite. Had a few women tell him that they'd never kissed anyone with a lip ring before. Said they'd like to try it.

"Your lips are fine," you say, but realise he needs a little more than that. Is obviously insecure about something. You never want him to feel that way. "I like them, I mean. You're a good kisser. Really good. No complaints. 10 out of 10."

He narrows his eyes. Seemingly doesn't believe you.

And so you narrow yours back. "Are you trying to get me to kiss you, or something? To prove your point?"

Jeongguk looks almost offended. "What? No! I just..."

The way he rolls his head back and groans is so adorable that you think maybe you should just kiss him.

"I met your ex, didn't I?" He reminds you. You grimace. Suddenly see what he means. "And like..."

"Gguk," you say tenderly, but he just pouts.

"We've both seen Jimin," Jeongguk continues. "And even fucking Seojoon."

You hide the smile that teases your lips when Jeongguk refers to Seojoon like that. Kind of sounds like he's jealous.

"They've all got, like, dreamy lips," he says.

"Dreamy?!"

"Yeah," he frowns. "Like... clouds. Big. And mine are so-"

You clasp his wrist to stop him from touching his lips again. "Gguk, I like your lips. I like how you kiss. I wouldn't do it if I didn't."

He doesn't voice a response. Just continues to stick his bottom lip out a little, lip ring doing the thing in the most adorable fashion.

"Hey," you smile, holding his jaw delicately, angling his face to you. "Trust me, okay? There's nothing I'd change about you. You're more than enough as you are."

It's overcast tonight, and there's not a star in the sky. Doesn't really matter, though. Jeongguk's already stolen them all. Keeps them captive in his eyes. Shines them on you, when he glances down.

Letting go of his jaw, you lean your head on his shoulder, and look up to the darkness above you.

There's a giddiness in your stomach, like butterflies swarming on a summer's day, but it quickly becomes uncomfortable. Feels more like the nerves before a roller coaster drop - except the drop is never coming. The feeling just builds and builds, until it hurts .

Perfection is a trait that you know you lack. Seokjin was the one to ensure you knew this. And even though you don't really care all that much about Seojoon, he reinforced it tonight.

Pursing your lips, you wonder if perhaps you got it wrong. Just because you're not after perfection doesn't mean other people aren't.

"What's wrong with me?" you ask quietly.

"Hmm?" Jeongguk hums, not really sure what you mean. Hands in his lap, he's mindlessly twiddling his thumbs. Thinks there's nothing wrong with you. Nothing wrong at all.

"Why do they always want me to change?" you pout, a little vague but not meaning to be. You're just letting your drunk thoughts escape your lips, in the hopes it will ease the discomfort you're feeling. It's that, or cry. You really don't wanna cry.

Jeongguk is silent for a moment. It feels like forever, but is only a few seconds in reality.

"Because they're stupid," he finally replies. Wanted to say something more eloquent. More intentional.

That's the issue with that dam of his. Keeps everything at bay. Prevents him from telling you the truth of the matter; that he'd adore you regardless of your changes just as much as he adores you now. The fabric of who you are is a blanket he'd glady wrap himself in forever.

It does at least make you laugh - but as much as it softens the ache in your chest, you still feel just as inadequate.

"Maybe," you acknowledge. Pout. "But if I'm not even enough for idiots, then I'll never be enough for someone worthwhile, will I?"

He wants to curse the world for how cruel it's been to you. You have love and laughter in your life. An abundance of it. People who care, and people who give a shit. Yet you're forever changed by the men who couldn't give you enough. The people who didn't give a shit. He doesn't understand humans are wired this way, but knows he's just the same.

"Look, B," he sighs. Repeats your own words back to you. "You are enough as you are. More than enough. The issue is that the people you've dated. They haven't been enough. Not enough for you, not enough for themselves."

You think this is incorrect. Think that Seojoon had his shit together. Think that Seokjin did, too. It was you who didn't. You're the problem.

"But Seokjin wa-"

"Was the most vapid asshole I've ever had the displeasure of meeting," Jeongguk interrupts you before you can even think of a way to end that sentence. "And the fact he got to fuck you is criminal - let alone be loved by you."

Silence resumes. There's a crack in Jeongguk's dam.

He has to stop talking, or it will rupture.

Your feeling of inadequacy only grows. Too much? Not enough? Fuck. It's all such a mess in your head. Jeongguk said it himself that love is supposed to be easy. Supposed to feel like peace. You're not sure you're capable of that.

Sensing your upset, Jeongguk sighs. Whispers, so that his dam doesn't hear him. "You're really easy to love, B."

He glances down towards you, too. Toys with his lip ring like he so often does in times of uncertainty. Realises he's said too much. Fix the crack, twat.

"I just mean, like, look at all of us," he says, broadening the scope of the declaration. "Danbi, Hoseok, Jimin, Tae, Seoyeon... like need I go on? People enjoy having you around. Our lives are better with you in it."

Softly smiling, you shrug. "It's a little different though, isn't it?"

And the answer is yes. Of course it is. Platonic love is incomparable to romantic love - but it's still just as valid. He expects everyone to adore you just as much as he does.

Tells himself that the way he loves is that of a friend.

Everyone feels this way about you. Everyone loves you. I'm not special.

"Anyways," you dismiss, getting to your feet. "The night is young - and we've got starfuckers to drink."

He takes the hand that you outstretched for him. Let you pull him to his feet. Pulls his phone from his back pocket just to check the time - 00:36.

"Oh, that little fucker," Jeongguk laughs as he presses the lock button. His notifications are pretty full - generic shit like idle game updates and weather warnings for the cold night ahead.

The one that catches his attention is from Yeonjun. He tilts his phone so that you can read it, not caring to hide any of his notifications from you.

Yeonjun: Bet you 10,000 won that Disco Ball is going home with you.

With a pretty laugh, you dismiss it. "Boy's got a gambling problem."

"You're telling me," Jeongguk agrees - but knows Yeonjun is perfectly fine. Is just great at making money. Only places bets he knows he'll win.

And it's proven right not even an hour later. You're giggling with Jeongguk, hand in hand, unable to walk in straight lines as you head for the door.

"Hold on," you say to Jeongguk with a smile that he just knows means trouble. "Forgot something!"

Letting go of his hand, you dart back towards the bar. You shouldn't run, and you know this, but you're being speedy. Wanna be back with Jeongguk before he finishes walking over, following you. It's not like it matters. He's got a clear line of vision with so few people left in the bar.

Can see exactly what you're doing as you reach into your bag for a slightly bent-up 10,000 won bill. Sliding it across the bar to Yeonjun he looks confused - for about 3 seconds, at least - until he glances over to Jeongguk.

"Bye!" you beam, and dash back towards Jeongguk, glitter sparkling in the selective lights of the bar. Yeonjun doesn't even get a chance to tease you, but it doesn't matter. He'll just rip the absolute shit out of Jeongguk tomorrow night when he clocks in.

Jeongguk is well aware that this will happen, but he doesn't care.

You've been off limits since the moment you stepped foot in Dionysus - "She's fucked," Jeongguk had told him on that very first night. " You're going nowhere near her." - but he likes the added confirmation that Yeonjun can't have you. Not when you so loudly declare yourself as Jeongguk's without even a single word exchanged.

"C'mon," you say, greeting Jeongguk, and walking straight on by him, outstretching your fingers to brush against his.

"I hope you realise what you've just done," Jeongguk almost warns as you leave the club together.

"I've settled your debts," you simply shrug, turning to face him as you walk backwards for a step or two. "I'm being a good friend."

The look on your face as you turn back around suggests that you know full well what you've done.

"You're gonna put ideas in his head," he calls after you, a lopsided grin on his handsome face, stars sparkling in his eyes.

"Good," you simply shout back, turning around to head further down the path. "Let him use his imagination a little. It's good for a developing brain."

Arms crossed over your chest, you're a little chilly. The temperatures always drop at night, and you're not really dressed accordingly. Left your jacket in the staff room. So did he. Too drunk to care.

But you also know that wherever you go, Jeongguk will follow. Something about stars, and spirals, and orbits. Shit you don't care to think about when you're too tipsy for your own good, and in search of refuge.

Could be a food stall, picking up some steaming eomuk, or could be in yet another bar - but this time one where you could talk properly, not just shout lyrics at one another and down one too many vodka cokes.

Jeongguk's been on a cocktail of whiskey sours and starfuckers all night, yet it's you he's drunk on.

Catching up with you, linking his arm around your shoulders, he doesn't care for food, or for another bar. He wants you. Wants his bed. Or yours. Doesn't wanna fuck. Just wants the only real refuge he'll ever need.

"Yeonjun won the bet?" Jeongguk confirms.

"Yeonjun won the bet," you nod.

"Okay," he smiles. "So your place or mine?"

You hold your fist in front of you. "Rock, paper, scissors."

Jeongguk loses. Picks scissors. Gets blunted by your rock. "Best of three?"

You pick rock again. Jeongguk goes for paper.

"Fuck," you giggle - not that you care. "Rock, paper scissors - oh, shit."

He holds his fingers in the scissor gesture, while you hold your hand flat. He's won. Lifts his arms. Yells a cute little 'woo' in celebration. "Take that, sucker."

"Oh noooo," you pout. "So sad. Hate your place."

"Oh, yeah?" He grins. Likes your tone. Knows your flirting. Encourages it.

"Mhmm," you smile right back, both dwindling on your endeavour back home. Coming to a stop, you're both aware that the way you're holding the front of his shirt to keep yourself balanced is a little too friendly. Makes him wanna do all kinds of silly things. "Hate your room."

"Yeah?"

"Hate your shower."

"So you don't want one?"

"Don't want one."

"Not even if I'm in it, too?"

"Want one even less."

He shrugs. Smirks. "I'll shower alone then. Your loss."

You narrow your eyes, as if you aren't feeling utterly shameless. "Your loss."

He's just as shameless. Fucking nods. "Yeah. It will be."

There are a million thoughts racing through your mind. They shine over Jeongguk; refracted light painting his skin in your utmost desires, and warmest of wants. You're a disco ball in every sense of the word, and Jeongguk knows that despite his flirt, it is his loss.

"Let's go home," he says quietly.

Casual in the way he groups his home as being yours, too, Jeongguk thinks nothing of it. Nor do you. There's no deep gravitational change. No alteration to the fabric of your lives. It's been this way for a while. Will likely stay this way for a while.

Standing on the corner of a street with Jeongguk, you wait quietly for a taxi. Neither of you care to fill the silence. Just let the sound of the city fill the empty space. Are quite content. A bit sleepy now that the alcohol is wearing thin.

When you yawn, he strokes your arm. Warms you up. Manages to hail a cab, and insists on you getting in first. Routes it for his place. Holds your hand the entire ride home.

By the time it arrives, you're yawning tenfold. Jeongguk knows a shower is off the cards. Will just crash. Get one in the morning. Doesn't mind. Kind of just wants to sleep, too.

Sitting on his couch, heat pack in your hands trying to warm up while Jeongguk grabs you both a drink before bed, you let your mind drift to the evening that led to this point.

Had started the night convinced you'd be going home with Seojoon. Would have been your third date. Would have been perfectly acceptable to break the invisible barrier of sex.

Realistically, given your relationship with sex and intimacy, the idea had been scaring you a little. Even if you didn't care for Seojoon romantically, the intention was there. The sex wouldn't have been casual. Would have been the first time in a long time that you were fucking someone with intention beyond feeling good.

And yet as you watch Jeongguk be his typical, attentive self, you know that sex with him goes beyond that. That's the whole point. You're opening yourself up to intimacy. A foolish thing to have done with someone who had no intention of loving you.

"Do you want kids?" You blurt completely out of the blue. Thoughts of the night have taken charge of your tipsy tongue, and you don't care to stop it.

The topic of conversation could be considered heavy. You know it was when you were conversing with Seojoon earlier. It's different, now. Different with Jeongguk. Things always are.

"Kids?" Jeongguk asks as he's filling the glass with water from the fridge. "As in, my own?"

There's a soft tentativeness to the way he looks at you, passing you the glass of water, unsure of where you're going with this. "Yeah. Do you want kids?"

"Right now?"

"No," you laugh. He sits beside you. Mirrors you. Crosses his legs. Takes the glass of water back from you just for a single sip, then returns it. "Just like, in the future."

He pauses for a moment. Isn't sure if this is a trick question or not. Decides that honesty is the best policy when your tone is so sincere.

"I want a family," he quietly admits. Isn't looking at you, but is instead toying with the dainty silver chain around your ankle. "Kids are a part of that, yeah, but I want the whole thing. Want a partner, and a dog, and a house... Want that fairytale type of shit," he laughs softly. It feels embarrassing to admit.

You don't think it's embarrassing in the slightest. You think it's nice to hear his dreams. Know all about the restaurant, and what he wants for his livelihood. Aren't so sure on the actual life he wants to live.

With a candid smile, you question further. Wanna see what his idea of a happy life is. "What kind of parent do you think you'll be?"

The room is quiet, no television or Jimin-related noises to disturb the sanctuary you find yourselves in. The city roads outside are vacant save for a few taxis at this time in the morning.

Jeongguk looks over to the mirror in the corner of the living room - the one adorned with dozens of photo booth pictures, and spots the one he'd taken with his parents on their last visit to the city. Always up for a good time, he's lucky to have such a good relationship with them.

"My dad was always the stern one," he divulges. You've met his father, now. Feels right to Jeongguk that you should know more about his relationship with his parents. He was lucky to grow up with an abundance of love. It's what's shaped him into the man he is today. "Don't get me wrong, I love him, and I respect him, but it was always mum that I went to when things went wrong. It was always her hand I wanted to hold as a kid. I don't want my kids to feel like they can't come to me. And like, what - 50% of marriages end in divorce, right? I never want that, but, like - imagine it. Getting the kids for visitation on the weekends? Barely having a relationship? Yeah. No."

He shakes his head, knocking the idea of a broken home out of his head, before he continues.

"I want a family. Not for a while yet, though. Got so much to do yet, and like, I don't think anyone our age really has their shit together yet, do they?" he nudges you fondly, and you find yourself comforted by his words. "So I'm sure whoever I end up with has lots to do, too."

The look you give him is coy. One that he can't quite work out - and quite frankly, he doesn't care to figure it out. Overthinking right now would only ruin one of his favourite evenings he's ever spent in Dionysus.

"I think you'll be a good dad," you admit quietly. "The best dad."

The compliment is heavy. Implies that you're thinking about the future. Thinking about him in the future. Long hair cropped a little shorter, formal shirts worn for PTA meetings. Thinking about the tattoos on his skin, and the glittery gel pens that a pair of small hands would use to colour them in.

You won't have been the first person to consider this, granted, but you might be the first to imagine glitter pens instead of regular markers. Of course you would, though. Your children will inevitably take after you - but then that would also mean you're thinking that Jeongguk's children will be yours .

Shaking the thought from your head, you decide that such silly little ideas are dangerous. Change the topic.

"Do you want any more tattoos?"

It's a stupid question. Something you already know the answer to, for it's already been discussed.

He entertains the question regardless. Shrugs. "When I've got cash to spare, maybe. No plans at the moment, though."

Nodding, the mention of finances reminds you of his plans.

"When's your meeting?" you ask. "The one with the bank?"

It's been at the top of Jeongguk's to-do list ever since he finished his final exam. It's step one of his plan to open his very own pork belly place. With everything that's been going on lately, he hasn't had the chance to spend an entire morning in a stuffy beige room begging for a business loan.

"14th," he says nonchalantly. Still a couple of weeks away. It's not even April yet. "It's a Tuesday."

"Black day," you reply. The annual celebration (or commiserations) for single people. He nods. "Why don't we go for food after? Danbi's ditched me this year. Went and got herself a boyfriend."

Jeongguk laughs at your dismissive tone, as if it's not Taehyung she's dating, and as if they aren't your favourite couple.

"You not working?" he asks, thinking that you'd normally be in the art cafe on Tuesday afternoons.

Shaking your head, you explain that the rota had been worked out so that both you and Hoseok had the day off. "Everyone else is in a relationship. It'd be cruel to make the only two singletons work on our special day."

"Hoseok not wanna come for food too?" Jeongguk checks, not wanting to exclude your friend. You shake your head.

"He's already said he doesn't want to see anyone nor do anything."

Jeongguk nods, but says, "Well, extend the invite regardless."

Assuring him you will, a big sip of water filling your cheeks, Jeongguk is pleased to have you around during times like these. Thinks black day would be shit without you. Has spent the last few black days working shifts at the bar. Would watch punter after punter drown their sorrows, only to then cry out all of the alcohol they had consumed.

"Anyways," Jeongguk waves his hand in the air. Changes the topic back to what you had been discussing previously. Had shit he wanted to say before you switched it up. "You'll be a great mum. I mean, if you have kids. Think you'd be great at it. Would somehow be both the fun parent and the stern parent."

Realistically, Jeongguk thinks you'll be great at anything you put your mind to.

"Maybe I should just get a donor when I'm ready," you laugh. "Single parent that shit."

"Well," Jeongguk smirks, getting to his feet. He's sleepy. Knocks his head to encourage you to join him. "If you ever need a donor, I'm far cheaper than a clinic. Would mean you'd have to shag me again, though."

"Our kids would be monsters," you laugh, following his lead into this bedroom. "Little gremlins."

"Nah, they'd be cute," he insists as you both begin to get ready for bed in the most innocent of ways.

"What if you're already settled down?" you question, picking up one of Jeongguk's shirts from the back of his chair to wear for bed. "By the time I'm ready for a donation?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," he shrugs. Doesn't really see a world in which he settles down with anyone but you, these days. Knows you're more likely to settle first. He frowns at the thought of it - and as soon as you're under his duvet with him, he pulls you close.

You don't realise he's pouty. Stroppy. Annoyed with his own mind.

Turning in your position so that you're facing him, the darkness of his room obscures him from you. Closing your eyes, you don't really care. Nudge your nose up against his, like you so often do.

"Tonight was fun," you whisper. He nods. Lets his lips brush against yours.

"I like it when it's just us," he admits. Probably wouldn't say it if he was sober.

But you probably wouldn't nod back, either, letting your lips brush even more intentionally against his.

And you definitely wouldn't say, "I meant it, y'know. I like kissing you."

Jeongguk wants to swallow down his nerves - but doing so would mean pressing his lips together. Knows that it would escalate things.

So instead, he grips your waist. Nudges a little closer. Is overwhelmed with a zealous need for reciprocation. Whispers, "I want you to kiss me."

When you smile, Jeongguk can feel the curve of your lips.

He thinks he might die.

"Say please."

He smiles now, too - and you think you'll die.

"Please, B," he simpers into your lips. Closes down on your lips as he punctuates his sentence. Welcomes the way your lips press up against his. Sink into the sensation of one another. "Please kiss me."

Even if this is what kills you both off, you know there's no other way you'd rather go than caught up in his embrace.

So you grant him his wish - and find that sometimes flirting with death can make you feel more alive than you've ever known.

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

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