#ugh also nobody has spoken to me in a while it’s so rude

[thefandombringer]

@adorewillbyers @donutdisturblivball @l0v3c0r3e @thebylerfiles @taylorswifff @tired-bisexual-brainrot @bylers-vecna and thenothers

pls interact w/ me im so bored

[isbus]

The House Of Villains Chapter 1

Tags: (insert the prologue tags), slice of life, Walmart, card games, Kars doesn’t know things, not so subtle foreshadowing, references to later chapters, card games, board games,

Chapter 1: Game Night

They were all doing their thing- Diavolo and Doppio chatted together, Dio sat on the couch watching an animal documentary with Kars, Santana was still in the attic, Esidisi and Wamuu talked at the table, and Pucci dusted. They didn't do much else until Kira opened the door when coming home from work. 

Dio turned off the TV, bringing Kars back to reality. Everyone turned to Kira when they heard the television shut off. "Kars, could you get Santana?" Dio asked politely. Kars immediately went up to the attic. 

.

.. 

...

"Put me down!" Santana shouted. Kars went down the stairs, holding Santana on his shoulder. Kars put the younger of the four pillar men on the couch, then sat on his bean bag. 

"Now that Kira is home, I have an idea to share." Dio began. Kira had an idea about what Dio was going to say. It was going to be something outrageous. "We are not normal, and if we continue our ways, our neighbors are going to see it. What we need to do is act normal, and what better way than a family tradition? We are going to try something called 'Family Game Night'." 

Silence... Was it from awe? Or disgust? Or even- 

"Okay. It's simple, all you have to do is play board games." Kira stepped towards the stairs before being stopped by Pucci's question. 

"Do we even have board games? The closest thing we have to a game is tarot cards but we don't have a full deck." Enrico asked simply. 

Kira didn't think about that. He wasn't the type to play games, he was the type to do work, so he sold his board games. "Well, we can always get some. It's not like we're too poor for it. Let's go to the store. Besides, I have things to pick up for me and my girlfriend." 

"Ooh, I didn't know you had a girlfriend!" Dio exclaimed. 

"Congratulations, you finally got one!" Doppio smiled from ear to ear. 

"Don't tell me it's the cat." Wamuu closed his eyes disapprovingly. 

Kira scoffed. "You all are so rude." Yoshikage began to put his work stuff back in his room then stopped. "She's human by the way." 

- Time Skip brought to you By: Disrespecting Businessmen -

Getting dressed like normal people, which they obviously were not, and a few getting their parasols, led them out the door. Kira began to lead before Dio rushed to the front. "Let me." He smiled. As the leader of this group, Dio just HAD to lead. Dio started to walk in front of the Joestar house before he stopped. 

"Why'd you stop?" Kira spoken quietly, partially glaring at the captain. 

Dio smirked sweetly, as if he was in front of a lover of his. He appeared bold to the others, but to the cat lover, he looked like his title was "Super Stupid". "Where's the store?" The blonde vampire fluttered his eyelashes, holding the parasol between his jaw and shoulder while his hands held his knees as he crouched to be at eye level.

Kira sighed. "Just follow me." They continued, this time with Kira in the lead and Dio right behind. The villainous cast spoke to each other as they walked behind Kira. Dio started to strike up a conversation with Pucci, but Pucci immediately dismissed him. 

They looked around at their neighborhood, several houses and people were around the area. The homes on one side of the street had a bunch of friendly people- like that kid in a baseball player outfit around house number 1506, or the teen with a mostly shaved head and pompadour with the older blonde boy that has the braid. 

All that friendliness was enough to make some of the villains question this neighborhood. With those happy faces, it was hard to be in a bad mood. It's like the happiness was rubbing off on them while rubbing them the wrong way. Dio thought about it then shrugged. Kars was glancing around for squirrels that he saw on TV. Kira stayed serious, and continued leading. Doppio and Diavolo spoke back and forth with each other. Pucci strutted as if he wasn't a sucker for God. 

It was taking five-ever. Everyone, excluding Kira, wished it was right around the corner. Past the "For Sale!" homes, and past the other blocks, it took at least three minutes. Well, it would've taken three minutes but Kars found a squirrel and a hawk started following Dio. The hawk presumably got the chain holding it broke and flew away, looking for a new owner since it had a collar and purple scarf. What a fancy bird. 

But the bird may or may not be important. The hawk followed them all the way to the store, then waited by the door. The villain group stepped inside, Kars and the two older pillar men struggled a bit (especially Kars) Santana fit through perfectly though. 

The part of the group that was foreign to this place (that is totally not Wal-Mart) looked around in awe. They put away their parasols and held them by their sides. "Hi welcome to Wal-Mart!" A lady at the front said with a smile. 

As if the woman smashed a bottle and yelled "scatter!", they began walking around. Dio read the sign that said "woman's" and just HAD to see the panty section. Pucci joined him, hoping he wasn't doing what he thought he was doing. Diavolo and Doppio went to the technology section. Kars and Wamuu gone to the pet area. Esidisi and Santana went to the toy section. Leaving Kira alone. Yoshikage looked behind him and saw nobody. 

"This is just great. Everyone left faster than me saying 'Bite the Dust'." Kira spoke to himself. "Come on darling. Let's find them." He looked in his jacket pocket to speak to his girlfriend. 

- Time Skip Brought to you By: Bite Za Dusto

Since Kira was going to the game area and it was right next to the toy section, Kira grabbed a few games and put it in the cart that he grabbed off screen. He heard the angsty teen's voice. "I don't want dolls, I want- wait that one is actually kinda cute... Can I have him?" Santana nearly shouted at first but his voice died down after he found the most handsome doll. 

Kira gone to the doll isle and saw the two- Esidisi was explaining how Kira would get it for him as Santana held a doll with blonde hair and blue eyes. The blonde cat lover coughed. "Come on you two, let's find the others." Santana slightly pouted like he REALLY wanted the doll. "Put it in the cart." The redhead thanked Yoshikage and put the doll in there.

The three gone past the technology section but paused when seeing the pink haired boys looking at phones. They seemed to be agreeing on something, when Kira got closer, the men saw a figure of a manga character in Doppio's hands. 

"I could always get it for you. But I forgot my wallet." Diavolo explained before Doppio started looking glum. 

"How much is it?" Yoshikage's serious voice cut through to their ears. Doppio's face lit up from the darkness of the other's words. 

Doppio checked the price on the bottom and read it aloud. "Twenty dollars." Kira nodded to the cart, signaling him to put the figure in the cart. The pink haired boy done as he was "told", and set the manga character in the cart. 

"Now, where are those last few?" Kira asked himself. Suddenly, he remembered Kars' love for animals. To the pet section! 

The pink haired boys joined the party! 

They all moved forward to the pet section. Moving in different walks, past the fabric and sewing area, to that isle with supplies for small animals, reptiles, and fish. To their avail, they saw the long purple hair and short blonde hair of Kars and Wamuu. The isle also had Jolyne and Jotaro, looking at fish. 

Wamuu and Kars looked at the group, holding a play pen for small animals. "Put it in." Kira sighed. They done just that. "Now, where's the last two?" 

"No! I refuse to wear female underwear!" The group heard none other than Pucci, shouting about panties. "I am clearly a man!" 

"Why is a man shouting about underwear, dad?" Jolyne tried to contain her laughter. 

Jotaro smirked. "Good grief." 

Oh no. The villains thought and rushed to the feminine area. Once they got there, Esidisi covered Santana's eyes so that he couldn't see the- um- interesting area. But everyone else there could see, clear as day, Dio grinning while holding a thong and bra and Enrico blushing with wide eyes. 

"It would look great on you..." Dio spoke in a sing-song voice. 

"No it would not! Besides, that kind of underwear is so sinful!" 

"Would you prefer cheeky?" Pucci's blush darkened at the words that spilled from the blonde's mouth. 

Kira groaned. "Shut it. If he doesn't want it, leave it be. We have to buy this stuff, so let's go to check out." 

"Alright~" Dio sang. Enrico moved towards the check out. "Let's get it anyway." He whispered. 

"Fine but if I wake up to screams of terror, I'm throwing you out." Yoshikage threatened. Dio shrugged and followed Enrico after putting the underwear in the cart. Esidisi removed his hand from over Santana's eyes, and walked with the group. 

- Time Skip brought to you By: I can see your panties... (SICK JOJO REFERENCE) -

As the cashier scanned items, Kira couldn't keep his eyes off of her hands. The lady tried handing the bags to him, but he was too focused on her lovely, dainty hands. "Sir?" She asked, snapping him back to the real world. "Your bags." 

"Oh, thanks." He felt awkward but took the bags and paid up. "Have a nice day, Adrian." He took back his card then speed-walked to the door. 

"Ugh, Kira wait up!" Dio nearly stood for to long until realizing Kira was nearly out the door. The cashier giggled and smiled. 

Kars and the other pillar men followed. Enrico was close behind. "Thank you so much!" Doppio blushed. 

"Here's our number." Diavolo held out a piece of paper with numbers written on it for the lady to take. Before she could take it, Doppio snatched it away, then ran away. "Doppio, don't try to leave me!" He shouted and ran to the exit. 

The cashier sighed. "Cute, aren't they?" A Burger King worker spoke to the cashier. 

"Yeah, Aimi. They sure are." She responded. 

"Miss? Do you know where this address is? I'm not from around here." 

- Time skip Brought to you by: An Unnamed Man asking a cashier for directions! -

Once they got home, they immediately looked at the games Yoshikage got. Monopoly, Uno, The Game Of Life, etc. But one definitely caught their eyes. A game called Villainous. But (to avoid copyright) they played Uno. 

"Ok. We are not allowed to use our stands to cheat. That's the only rule I have." Kira set up the game by handing out seven cards to those who were playing. Santana played video games in the attic, Esidisi watched Santana play those games, Wamuu and Doppio cheered on their leaders, as the other five played Uno. "And to make sure we aren't cheating, they will be watching us play." 

Dio already knew what he would do. "The World!" The World came out of the card and stopped time. "Will you help me? All you have to do is stop time when I give you a signal." 

The World stared, then shook his head. "I refuse." 

"What?! No! I have to win!" The World resumes time after Dio exclaims. 

Kira put the collar on the pink housecat and Killer Queen appears. "Let's win this Kira!" 

Diavolo rubbed the gem and King Crimson stands behind him. "We got this." Diavolo and King Crimson both say in unison. 

Pucci puts the disc in the portable DVD player and crawling out of the screen was Whitesnake. Once he gets out, he sighs. "It sure was cramped in there..." 

Everyone looked at the cards that were handed out and the game was decided. A green nine. Dio was first, and he played a green seven. "Easy as that." He said cockily. 

"So, we have to match colors?" Kars asked. 

"You can match colors, or numbers. If you don't have a cards that match the number or color, then you draw from the deck until you get something to play or until you reach four cards." Kira explained.

Kars nodded. "What does this card do?" He pulled out a plus four. Kira's eyes widened, knowing he was next. 

Dio burst out laughing. "If you play that card then the next person gets four cards and you change the color." He tried to stop the laughter by talking but he nearly coughed when doing so. "So, what are you going to do?" 

Kars hummed in thought, then he took a card. Before placing it down, or even where the others could see, he looked at Wamuu. "Of course, sir." Dio felt he knew what card he was going to place, so he smirked and crossed his arms. He would have the upper hand against the ever-so-lucky Yoshikage Kira. 

Kars soon placed the card after Wamuu gave the signal of approval. Or what I, the Narrator, like to call "The F*ck Yes Do it!" signal. Only be- oh sh*t. 

Dio, I'm sorry, but your prediction was incorrect. 

A blue seven. 

Dio looked at the card Kars placed, then at Kars, then back at the card, Kars, card- this could go on. 

But before you continue... 

Try saying "Kars Card" ten times fast. 

Ready? Cool. 

Dio saw what was going on. Kars was trying to get the turns reversed so he could play the plus four on Dio. But Kars didn't understand much about human culture, right? He only really understood animals. Dio thought to himself about how HE'S the ultimate being and how Kars shouldn't be called that. 

When he smirked, Kira knew what was going through the vampire's mind. I don't need to repeat. 

Kira's turn was a simple blue three. Killer Queen pouted. I know. I could've done worse. Kira thought to him and the Queen. 

"Oh! That one!" The younger pink haired boy pointed at a card and the older of the two placed it. The game continued and rage ensued until a winner was decided. The winner was Kira. Who wouldn't have guessed that the ever-so-lucky Yoshikage Kira would win? 

[harringtonsbae]

Hi!!! Can I have a male matchup for Harry Potter in the Golden Trio Era?

19, Southeast Asian with Spanish descent, Libra, Bi Pan and Genderfluid, ENFJ-A/ENFJ-T, and a proud muggleborn Ravenclaw. Short (5'1"), chubby with kinda cherubic-like face, chic messy/wavy brunette hair, chocolate brown eyes, oriental skin, and boyish-emo sense of fashion with korean makeup look.

Really quiet, soft spoken, distant, and timid around random people (to the point they think I'm modest, demure, immaculate, and educated) but once I finally open up it's totally opposite---super talkative, rowdy-mouthed, laughing loudly on a daily basis, creative, talented, expressive, swears like a sailor, very clumsy, witty, passionate, religious, very supportive, unfortunate, super childish, determined, thriving, speaks with sarcasms, has a lamest sense of humour, gets excited so easily, skittish, forgetful, and unashamed to be myself but can be awkward around the strangers. Nice and kind to good people, but an opposite who isn't

Opinionated and EXTREMELY COMPETITIVE, in terms of academics and extra curricular activities (even I'm a procrastinator---I still ace them like what kind of sorcery I did?) that's why I got frustrated and dissappointed quickly if I failed, because I thought people I know is pressuring me, but I tried to keep moving forward once I already cheered up.

I may come off as stubborn, feisty, tough, demanding, and harsh if I get really angry also demanding and intimidating if things aren't all right, but my deeper self is sensitive, insecure of my physical appearance (some people around me makes fun of it and it's rude), and fragile who cries easily also has strong beliefs and reasoning, like fighting for my dreams to the point it'll become a debate because of my brashness. But I'm also willing to help or give up something as long I can, they think I'm selfish, but not really---I do have biased sentimental value and I have a different way how do I care---by being supportive and giving gifts also teaching them, in addition I have an emotional overwhelm, I get flustered too quickly, blush on compliment, and melt over wholesomeness.

My interests are arts, choir, night sky, makeup, fun/deep/dumb conversations, Christianity, documentaries (about saints, real crime stories, and inspirational people), reading interesting stuffs, talking about social issues, and creative writings.

My hobbies are are singing, drawing, roleplaying, listening to music, chatting/browsing on social media, conceptualizing, writing, and reading some stuffs. I'll include making corniest jokes/puns, sleeping, and dancing when nobody's around or walking like a model if I feel so bold (even I'm terrible at both xD). I also used to learn Italian language a bit.

Oof- I love you! Ron Weasley! Yes another Weasley!

•Ron loves you, no questions asked

•He has a VERY soft spot for people who are shy when they meet new people, but are really open when they are themselves

•It’s a reward for him when he gets to see your true self.

•You may not see eye-to-eye at times but it normally ends in really good makeup sex sweet cuddles on the the couch or in bed.

•Listen, this man would follow you anywhere anytime

•Would try his ‘lame’ nose jokes on you (I don’t know if you’ve read cursed child or not)

•He loves to join you in funny dance parties/runway shows that only you two get to do probably ends in sex

•He would definitely think roleplay was just for sex until he met you:

“What do you mean ‘Do you want to roleplay?’ Isn’t that for sex?”

•Ends up loving it, but he would never admit it

•He has the Weasley family sex drive for sure, so don’t even underestimate him

•When he first started dating you he would try to be romantic by going to your house and throwing rocks at your window until you either open it or look at him through it. There’s definitely a speaker playing some cheesy song in the background

•Later he takes you to go sit somewhere in a field and watch the stars while talking about anything

•Okay, so you guys are a literal power couple, no one ever plays games with you two because you guys always win

•He is smitten with you no doubt

•He probably gets jealous of Percy when he starts trying to talk to you about documentaries, social issues in the wizarding world, and would probably try to start debates with you. Your Ron’s world, one that he wouldn’t share ever, period

•Ugh you guys are a power couple and I can not stress it enough

I hope this is good! I’m still new to shipping people lol

Lots of love, babes<3

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 6

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 4,036 for this chapter (25,168 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Dan has been wearing a line into the carpet of his hotel room, pacing back and forth for what feels like hours. He's muttering to himself, tugging at his hair whenever he gets especially worked up, and only spares a moment to consider what a weird image he makes for anyone who might come in.

"I'm gay," he says out loud, over and over, trying desperately to make it sound like it belongs there.

He rewatches Phil's coming out video a few times to remind himself how easy and happy Phil made it sound, but he can't seem to recreate that energy alone in his room.

No matter how many times Dan says it, the word 'gay' still makes his heart race and his gut clench like he's gone over the drop of a rollercoaster. His pulse pounds in his ears when he imagines saying it to another person, someone he cares about, someone who might hate him for it.

It's just a word. It's just a word, and it's basically who he is. It shouldn't be this hard to say.

His phone goes off with a Twitter notification, but he can't handle that right now. He turns his phone off without reading the message from Phil and keeps pacing.

--

"How did you deal with this for like twenty years?" Jaime complains, watching the rain fall almost horizontally outside the window.

"I didn't live here," says Dan. He steals some of her chips while she isn't looking.

"London wasn't much better."

They're holed up in one of the numerous tiny pubs in Dublin while they wait for Patrick to finish a solo interview and photoshoot. Dan likes it here, liked it in Edinburgh too, but he's been more or less working on autopilot. His mind is in a dog park in Soho, where Phil has been sending pictures from all afternoon. Pictures that he hasn't responded to.

"I like London," Dan says absently. He pretends not to understand the knowing look Jaime sends him. "What?"

"Sure, you liiiiike London," she teases, smacking his hand away from her plate.

"I do!" Dan huffs. "I always wanted to live in London when I was a teenager. It was, like, the dream. And I think it's probably still where I'll be ending up eventually."

"And a cute guy with a cuter dog has absolutely nothing to do with that?" Jaime asks, sipping at her beer.

Dan feels his stomach twist. It's not pleasant, having someone assume something about you, even if that thing is true. He looks down at his own hands and shrugs. "No, I mean. I'd want London anyway. I just kind of want it... more, now."

"You never actually answered my drunk texts. How long have you been together?"

"We aren't together, James," says Dan. His throat is tight with suppressed emotion. This is the first time he has spoken out loud about his attraction to a guy to someone that matters to him. It's fucking terrifying. "I - I like him, though."

"I can tell," says Jaime. She kicks at his shin under the table and smiles when he gives her a reproachful look. "Don't call me James, or I'll call you Dan."

With a snort, Dan steals more of her chips. "Fine."

They eat in a fairly comfortable silence for a few minutes, both of their plates acting more like communal food, and Dan almost thinks he'll be able to get away with the topic being dropped.

"He likes you too, y'know," Jaime says, bursting that hope. "In case you couldn't tell that he eyefucks you constantly."

Dan feels his face heat up and resists the urge to throw something at her. The server in this very Irish pub has been nice to them so far, but causing a scene as a Brit and a Yank doesn't sound like the best plan. "Shut up."

"I'm serious, Daniel," she laughs. "You really can't tell?"

"No," Dan says, affecting an annoyed sort of sigh. "I mean, yeah, no, I can definitely tell that he would be up for it if I asked."

"Why haven't you asked, then?"

He could tell her any number of half-truths, and she'd accept them as whole answers. Not wanting to fuck up their immediate connection, the whole ocean between them thing, or any other justification he's been muttering to himself while he paces around his hotel rooms.

The thing is, though, that Dan trusts Jaime. She's never told anyone any of the stupid shit he does when it's just them. Neither has Patrick, for that matter, but he's not here right now. And Dan doesn't think he can say this twice.

"Because," he says, swallowing hard and looking at the table. "Nobody knows I like boys. I don't even like to think about it too much, usually."

Dan can practically hear his heart pounding. He jumps a bit when Jaime's small, dark hand covers one of his, and she gives it a reassuring squeeze. "Hey," she says quietly. "I didn't mean to push."

"You're fine," Dan says, and he means it. "I kind of need to think about it now, anyway."

"Because of Phil?" Jaime asks. When he nods and looks back up at her, she smiles. "You seem good together. I've never seen you look so happy, Daniel."

"I don't think I've ever been this happy," Dan admits. His palms are sweating. "And I know I haven't, like, known him that long or whatever, but. Did you know I used to be a fan of his back in the day? He was kind of a role model for teenage Daniel. If I'd have known he was gay back then... I don't know. Maybe I'd have been able to admit that about myself, too."

The label doesn't actually leave Dan's lips, not applied to himself, but he still feels like he's got hundreds of eyes on him. It's just Jaime's, though, big and dark and kind, and he tries to breathe through it.

"That's a very brave thing to tell me," says Jaime.

"Sorry," Dan says, nonsensically.

Jaime laughs, a trill of a noise that makes the dim, rainy day feel brighter. "Oh, you're dumb dumb."

"Only sometimes," says Dan. He's fighting a losing battle with a grin.

"Do you want to be with Phil?" she asks, so blunt about it that Dan is at a loss for words.

He pulls his hand away from hers to play around with his phone, a nervous habit he's never really been able to kick. "I mean, yeah. I do. But it's really not that simple."

With a little hum, Jaime rests her chin on one of her palms. She's beautiful in a way Dan can appreciate beautiful art, beautiful clothing; she's not beautiful the way he finds Phil beautiful, the way he's found men beautiful for years and tried so hard to push away.

"I guess not, but I also know you pretty well by now, Howell," says Jaime. "You've never met a problem you can't twist into something worse."

A little rude. But very true.

"What do you suggest, then?" Dan snarks. "Tell the world I'm - and deal with the consequences of that? People back in Georgia already hate me for so much other shit, I doubt this will make it any fucking better."

"I suggest just being honest with yourself," says Jaime, ignoring the rest of his mini strop.

Being honest with himself is not something Dan has made a habit of doing. And he probably could live the rest of his life pushing this aside, stamping it down, lying through his teeth to the people around him, but. It sounds like a pretty shit way to live, if Dan is going to try the honesty thing right now.

He remembers how it felt to be leaning into Phil's space in the big hotel bed, remembers the way Phil had smiled at him every time he pulled Thor into a cuddle, remembers the deliberate circles Phil had traced on the back of his neck when they said goodbye at his flat.

That's something he wants. Dan is craving that, the intimacy and familiarity of it that he knows he'll never fully be able to feel with any nice, beautiful girls like Jaime.

He could probably do it, anyway. Meet a woman. Marry her. Have the kids he's always wanted. Maybe he'll even find someone who doesn't mind adopting so he doesn't have to live in fear of his child getting his fucked up genes. If he's very, very lucky, he might even find someone who doesn't mind this thing he's been keeping a lid on since he hit puberty.

The fear that strikes in Dan's heart as he imagines exactly what it would be like to keep living like this is what decides it for him.

"I don't want to," Dan starts, then stops. He has to think about his words and not just respond to his inner thoughts like a weirdo. "I mean... I don't want to lie. It's really, really exhausting. I just didn't have a good enough reason not to."

"So what are you gonna do?" Jaime hums.

"What d'you mean?"

"Are you going to come out, like, to the general public?" Jaime asks, and Dan appreciates the nonchalance of her tone. "Or just me and Phil?"

"I don't know," says Dan. "I think I'd tell Patrick, too."

Jaime smiles and pats his hand. "Oh, darlin', he was in that room, too. I think he has an inkling."

"I can't tell other people until I tell my family," Dan says like she hasn't interrupted. "It just wouldn't be right, y'know, them finding out because a friend of a friend saw a piece in The Sun about how much I like sucking cock."

A cackle is startled out of Jaime, and she covers her mouth with both hands. "Daniel!"

"What?" Dan does his best to look innocent, but he's cracking into a shit-eating grin before he can stop it. "That's what would happen!"

"Horrible boy," she says.

"I didn't do anything."

"Please don't come out to your parents by telling them you like dick," says Jaime.

Dan shudders. "Ugh. Can we never talk about my parents and dick in the same sentence again? Thanks ever so."

"You started it!"

They're still bickering when Patrick finally joins them, sliding into the booth beside Jaime and knocking his long legs against Dan's in greeting. "Did y'all eat already?"

"Yeah, you want something?" Jaime asks, handing over the menu they'd kept for him.

While Patrick looks it over, his fingers idly tapping against the thick wood of the table, Dan steels his nerves. He knows he doesn't need to do this, he's got no obligation, but he also knows that this is a safe environment and he might never do it if he procrastinates much longer.

"Shepherd's pie sounds good," says Patrick.

"I'm gay," says Dan.

"Okay," says Patrick, not looking up. "Or maybe a curry? D'you think it's good curry here?"

Dan blinks. "I said, I'm gay."

"And I said okay." Patrick looks at him then, raising his eyebrows. "Did you want me to scream or something? It's not like it's a big deal."

It's a big deal to Dan. It's a really big deal. But he's touched by Patrick and Jaime's easy acceptance anyway, trying his best not to get emotional in the middle of the pub. He wants to explain himself, wants to say that he's never said those words to someone before, wants to cry and hug them both so tightly because they're his friends and he cares about them, but that would be overdramatic even for him.

"Thanks," he says instead, his voice thick with suppressed emotion. "The curry sounds good, mate."

"It does," Patrick agrees, and that's the end of that.

--

As if he knows that Dan has been having his videos on for four nights straight, falling asleep to his voice and waking up twelve autoplayed videos later, Phil uploads a new video that night.

Dan is pretending like he's going to sleep, all the lights off and his laptop away and everything, because he's got breakfast radio in the very early hours of the morning and he wants to at least try to be a functional human during it. But then he gets a notification for Phil's new video while he scrolls through Reddit, and he clicks on it without a second thought.

"Hi guys," the Phil on Dan's phone says, grinning and waving. Dan's breath catches, just a bit.

That's the outfit Phil was wearing when Dan came over and watched MasterChef with him. He was in Phil's flat during the filming of the last couple of minutes.

Logically, he knows that he's been in Phil's home, that he's been behind the scenes of AmazingPhil in a way that he never would have dreamed he'd be able to. It still fucking rattles him, though. He pays more attention to the jump cuts in the video - where, most likely, Thor had been bugging for attention - and desperately wishes he could remember which one was for Dan, which slice of unused footage was Phil telling him he wanted Chinese food.

"So I guess I won't be going back to Seven Dials for a while," says Phil, wrapping up yet another story that Dan forgot to pay attention to. He starts doing his outro, tells people to subscribe and all that jazz, says goodbye, rolls that beautiful Thor footage.

There's still a minute left on the video. Dan thinks he knows why.

Sure enough, after a beat of a black screen, Phil has included a blooper montage of all the times Thor interrupted his story. It's adorable, watching Phil get tongue tied and giggly while Thor licks at his face or does the zoomies around the room. Dan's heart feels full to burst at how badly he wants to be there again.

Will Phil include it? Dan's breath is caught in his throat as he waits, watching Phil's face so carefully to see what it does when - if - he says Dan's name.

Phil's lips curl into a different sort of smile than the one he'd been giving Thor. This one is warm in a way that makes Dan's pulse pick up speed, even seeing it on such a small screen. Finally, finally, Phil says, "Dan. Are you growling at Thor?"

He sounds like he's trying to be stern, but he can't quite accomplish it with that smile of his.

Then, Dan's own voice comes through. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Phil's smile grows, gives him deep crinkles around his eyes. He looks so fucking fond. Dan doesn't think it's all for Thor. "I'm literally filming right now."

Dan whines, "He's just so cute," and then the video ends for real. Phil is smiling off-camera so genuinely, but autoplay is already suggesting another AmazingPhil video for Dan. With a resigned sort of sigh, he lets it play.

For about two weeks now, Dan has been figuring that, while Phil is a flirtatious guy who most likely wouldn't say no to a roll in the sheets, he doesn't actually have feelings for Dan or anything crazy like that. How could he, when they've known each other for such a short amount of time? How does Dan have all these feelings already?

But the way that Phil smiled when he was talking to Dan, and Dan wasn't looking back at him, is making Dan's head spin.

Fuck. He's got a lot to think about.

--

If people keep telling Dan he looks tired, he's going to snap.

He didn't get any sleep at all, really, his mind in fucking overdrive all night as he tipped over the box in his mind and let it all wash over him at once. He doesn't feel better, not yet, still exhausted and anxious and really, desperately not wanting to be sat in a radio station with his costars.

Unlike the BBC Radio One interview, this one is live on breakfast radio. Dan is trying not to think about that too much, or he's going to have back sweat all over his favourite shirt.

The shirt still smells like Phil.

It's distracting.

Dan hasn't responded to the Thor photos that Phil sent him yesterday or this morning, too wrapped up in his own brain as he's been. He hopes that Phil won't be offended, because - well, Dan isn't the best texter in general, he might as well get used to bouts of silence.

His leg is bouncing as Jaime establishes a rapport with the radio host, whose name Dan has been told at least a dozen times. Gun to his head, he could not recall it now.

He's too busy thinking about Phil. And maybe that's a mistake, unprofessional at the very least, but Dan can't help it. He can smell the faintest hint of Phil's cologne when he puts the collar of his t-shirt over his nose and his hands keep twitching, remembering what it felt like to be held by Phil's.

Mind completely full of Phil and lack of sleep, Dan can't really be blamed for not paying attention to his surroundings.

This is his excuse, anyway, when the radio host introduces himself again for the audience - in one ear and out the fucking other for Dan - and Dan's response, after Patrick and Jaime have said their names, is to say, "Hi, I'm Phil."

There's a beat of complete silence before Jaime breaks it, honking into her microphone and covering her mouth. Dan's brain catches up with his mouth, then, and he feels himself turn brick red.

"Daniel's been up all night," Patrick says dryly. "Apparently, he had to get three stars on Rainbow Road."

The idea that Dan didn't already have three stars on Rainbow Road is offensive, but he takes the life vest Patrick is throwing him. "Hah, yeah, sorry. I'm Daniel, and hopefully that'll be the most embarrassing thing I do today. I have a bit of a knack for it, if you didn't know."

Dan already knows he'll be clowned for this one for a while, judging by the sheer glee on Jaime's face, but he's determined to make it through the rest of the interview without forgetting his own name again.

Sure enough, they've barely said their goodbyes to the host and left the studio when Jaime crows, "'Hi, I'm Phil'? Holy shit, Howell!"

"I'm going to take a walk off a very short pier. 'Scuse me."

"It's not the worst thing you've ever done," says Patrick. His lips are twitching with either amusement or disapproval. Dan is guessing it's the former. "I mean, it's up there. But you've done way worse. Like do you remember the time -"

"That's not actually helpful," Dan says.

"Sorry, Phil," says Patrick.

Dan reaches for his throat with both hands and Patrick ducks out of the door with a bright laugh.

He's reluctant to check his phone the rest of the morning, because he can only imagine the cyberbullying he's going to endure from his fans over that slip of the tongue. Especially if they've already figured out that he was the 'Dan' at the end of Phil's video. Most people might not make the connection, since nobody really calls him that, but Dan has tweeted about Phil's videos and Phil has posted photos of them with Thor, so. It wouldn't take a fucking detective.

Once Dan's phone starts ringing with a call, though, he kind of has to deal with it. He's playing Guild Wars, so he puts the phone on speaker as quickly as possible. Only two people call him, so he doesn't even bother taking his eyes off the raid to look at the caller ID.

"Hullo?"

"Hi," Phil's voice comes through the tinny speaker. He sounds like he's already on the verge of laughter, and Dan considers hanging up.

Still, he's glad it's Phil calling and not his agent. Amy can be very intimidating, even all the way from Los Angeles, and he can't imagine that she's going to be thrilled about all the fuckups he's had on this leg of the tour.

Dan sighs loud enough to be heard through the phone. "Hello, Phil."

"Oh, am I Phil? I thought you were Phil!"

"Very funny."

"Or are we all Phil?"

The bright chirp of Phil's voice makes Dan smile despite himself. He narrowly avoids getting murked in the game because he's too fucking busy mooning over a boy. Christ.

"Are we human or are we Phil?" Dan asks, overly dry in case his smile shines through the way Phil's is.

Phil giggles. That's quickly becoming one of Dan's favourite sounds. He can practically picture the tongue between the teeth. "You big dork. How did that even happen? Like, walk me through your thought process."

"Isn't it abundantly fucking clear that I didn't have a thought process?" Dan whines.

"I was just wondering if you had some kind of explanation," says Phil. He still sounds far too amused. Dan wants to be annoyed about it, but he can't even pretend like a happy Phil is something he doesn't want. "Because you've done a lot of stupid shit in interviews, Dan, but you've never forgotten your own name before."

"Thanks," says Dan.

"Oh, you know what I mean," says Phil.

Dan shrugs even though he's well aware Phil can't see him. "I dunno, I didn't really sleep last night, and then being in a radio station made me think about you."

That's definitely a half-truth. Dan hasn't stopped thinking about Phil for almost two weeks now.

He'd been hoping maybe some distance would help. Weekend in Edinburgh, couple nights in Dublin. Perfect to get his head on straight - or, not straight, as it happens - and start separating his feelings for Phil from the all-consuming endorphins of fast friendship.

If anything, though, being physically away from Phil has only drawn attention to how badly Dan wants him to be there. Hearing Phil's voice when they're on different islands is just solidifying those feelings into something not easily removed in Dan's chest.

"You were thinking about me?" Phil asks, and he sounds so warm, even as he's making fun of Dan.

God. Dan wants to be there. He wants to see the way Phil's eyes crinkle with his smile, wants to feel the weight of Phil's cool hand in his own.

They've still got another night in Dublin before they can head back, but. There's only one more interview, surely nobody will miss his awkward presence that much?

Dan checks the time as soon as he finishes his raid. It's barely noon. He bites his lip. The whole day is still ahead of him.

Is he really thinking about doing this?

"Maybe," he says. "Hold on, I need to - do something. I'll text you. Like, I'll actually text you."

"Okay," Phil agrees, sounding a bit bewildered but still just as cheerful.

"I promise that I'll text you," Dan says. He's really, really bad at texting people back at the best of times, let alone when he's in the midst of a proper existential crisis, but he'll have a lot of time with nothing but his phone when he's - hopefully - sat at the airport.

"Okay," Phil says again, even warmer.

It would take no effort at all for Dan to get lost in that voice, but he's a man on a mission. Provided that Jaime and Patrick are okay with it, he's going to skive off tomorrow's interview and head back to London early.

He won't even try to pretend it isn't for Phil. He's got to ride this deep-seated certainty as far as it'll take him. And it isn't going to be like a movie, he isn't rushing off to the airport to catch his one true love or anything like that, he just. Misses Phil. Wants to be with Phil. Maybe he'll kiss Phil, but that's as rom-com as he plans to get.

"I'll see you soon," says Dan. "I have to ask Jaime and Patrick something."

[crazedlunatic]

Zach Can’t Win

“Ugh, go away.” Zach, who was laying in his bed, groaned.

“You have to cut your hair.” Kurt said.

Sarah, who was sitting on the end of Zach’s bed while he played with a two week old puppy, nodded eagerly when Zach wasn’t looking.

Because while she adored his curls… they were getting a little extra unruly.

“I don’t want to cut my hair.”

“Honey, you look homeless.”

Zach looked up, screwing his face up. “What?!”

“Yes. Apparently now there’s rumors that your father and I are divorcing and I’m shunning you because you look like him.” Kurt gave him a look. “Please, Zach. Please. I am so sick of social media.”

“Daddy, you never ask Nick to cut his hair.”

“Because Nick cuts his hair. His hair also doesn’t clog up the shower drains. You and Blaine have the same hair. If you kept yours shorter like he does—”

“Wait.” Sarah gasped. “Hair cut or hair cut?”

“Hair cut.”

“No!” Sarah shook her head. “You can’t make him do that. He should just get it so it doesn’t look as, uhm… homeless-y. But not short.”

“I don’t look homeless! Besides, any time my hair is short people think I’m Dad and they ask me for autographs and I’m sorry but I can’t do that.”

“Also, one time when his hair was shorter a guy came up and kissed him.” Sarah added. “I was there… I laughed hysterically and dropped my ice cream cone.”

Zach gagged and pushed himself into a sitting position.

“Just trim it once a month, okay? I cannot take you to the fashion show next week looking like that.” Kurt massaged his own forehead.

“Well I cannot take you to high school graduation in three weeks with an attitude like that.” Zach shrugged.

Kurt’s eyes widened. “You have to cut your hair!”

“I don’t have to cut my hair! Oh my God!”

“Honey, you do. You really do. You really want to be a parent with hair that big? What if the baby suffocates?”

Sarah bit her lip, trying very hard not to laugh—but she didn’t know if it was at Kurt or Zach’s facial expression.

“If the baby suffocates, we’ll just get pregnant again!” Zach threw his arms in the air.

“Hey, I’m ho—” Blaine walked in and trailed off, seeing their faces. “Oh no. Just let him do what he wants with his hair, Kurt. Haircuts are very stressful when you’ve got longer curls. It kind of hurts too.”

“If he didn’t have longer curls that wouldn’t be an issue.”

“I’m not Dad!” Zach stood. “Besides, it’s the only way people can tell us apart unless they’re close enough to see Dad’s eye wrinkles.”

“Hey, that was rude. I was defending you.” Blaine pouted.

Sarah came over, hugging Blaine. “He can be very mean sometimes.”

“I know.” Blaine sighed dramatically, like he was talking to a therapist. “I just try so hard to be supportive but it’s never enough.”

“Blaine.” Kurt sighed.

“The thing is the last time I cut my hair short, you were upset until it grew back out.” Zach said exasperatedly.

“It’s true, Kurt.” Blaine said.

“It is not.” Kurt snapped.

“No, you were.” Zach protested. “You frowned every morning when you saw me and at night you’d just pet my short hair.”

Sarah looked between Zach and Kurt, amused.

“You think you want me to cut it short but you don’t. It happens every time and has since I was three. Every four years we do this, I give up and cut it off to shut you up, and you mope… and then I get sexually assaulted by people who think I’m Dad… despite the fact that nobody ever sexually assaults Dad.” Zach huffed.

“It’s all a front. They actually know it’s you.” Sarah quipped.

“Just get the hair cut!” Kurt exclaimed.

“Fine.” Zach said, grabbing his wallet off the desk. “Fine. I’ll go do it right now.”

“Thank God.” Kurt let out a sigh of relief.

“I don’t want to hear another word ever because I’m 18 now and this is the last time that you’re winning this argument. I’m only doing this to prove you wrong by the way.”

“Prove me wrong? I want you to cut it.” Kurt looked confused.

“No!” Sarah whined. “Don’t do it.”

“Oh, it’s done.” Zach walked out.

“It’s just a freaking trim.” Kurt said, still confused.

“Uh, Kurt… he’s getting more than a trim.” Blaine said slowly. “You were talking about shorter hair.”

“Yeah. He is because you pissed him off and he’s proving his point.” Sarah pouted.

“He wouldn’t cut his hair short to prove a point.” Kurt said confidently.

Blaine gave Sarah a look and she nodded in understanding because they both knew it.

…

“Told you.” Zach pointed, seeing Kurt’s face literally drop when he entered the kitchen.

“We’re the twins…” Nick said slowly, holding his fork with broccoli near his mouth. “But… you and Dad look like the twins.”

“No!” Kurt frowned.

“I told you. You want it, you want me to look like him, but you can’t handle it.” Zach said. “So here. Enjoy the barely curly curls while you can because next time, we’re going full curl afro. I’m talking that red head Olympic guy from when  you were younger curly.”

“You wouldn’t do that.” Sarah, who was sitting next to Nick at the table, tried to reason. “You told me that looks stupid.”

“Zachy…” Kurt went over, touching his barely there curls.

“I expect reimbursement too because that was the last of my gas money.” Zach held out a hand.

“Think you’ll get reimbursement in Ithaca?” Blaine joked.

“Uh, I’ll have access to my money.” Zach said. “Or you could just, you know, give it to me now since I’m eighteen and moving in August anyway.”

“Yeah, no. Sorry.”

“Grampa has a fit every time you do something to make you look more like Dad.” Nick cut in.

“Daddy’s fault.” Zach shrugged.

Nick came over and touched his short curls too. He then said, “Hey, you’ve got a birthmark over your ear.”

“You do too, Nick.” Kurt sighed. “I can’t believe you did this, Zach.”

“Yeah well you left us for six months to go to Tokyo or wherever, soooo…” Zach shrugged—which killed Kurt even more because he looked exactly like Blaine.

Honestly, Blaine and Zach spoke so differently that when Zach had longer hair it was hard to see them as looking exactly alike. Even their mannerisms were completely different—at least they seemed that way.

When Zach’s hair was shorter though, it was like looking at a younger and more soft spoken teenage Blaine. Zach did laugh a lot more than Blaine had when he was younger—and Kurt was convinced it was because he and Blaine had been such good, supportive parents.

Which made him hate Blaine’s parents even more, but that wasn’t the point.

Zach’s curls were the point.

“Zach, just so you know, you are the one that will end up making me drink. I always thought it would be Nick but you’ve completely thrown us all off.” Kurt sighed.

“Hey, I am not that bad!” Nick protested. “I can’t help that your fans love me and think I’m hilarious.”

“No regrets, just love.” Zach grinned.

“God, don’t bring Katy into this.” Nick groaned. “If I have to hear her voice one more time, I’m stabbing my ear drums out.”

“One song he won’t sing is ‘I Kissed A Girl and I Liked It.’” Sophie chirped coming in. “I still can’t believe you kissed Rachel, Daddy.”

“But you’re supposed to always have my side.” Blaine pouted.

Sophie looked between Blaine and Zach before turning to Kurt. “You had to do it, didn’t you? Can’t you just leave his poor head alone?”

“Technically I was making a point about how he really loves my curls even though he argues for me to cut them. Every time I’ve cut them short, he’s done this.” Zach shrugged as Sarah came into the room behind Sophie.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?!” She yelped. “You told me you’d never cut it that short!”

“I was proving a point!”

“I’m having a baby with someone who cuts off his hair to prove a point?! But your curls are my favorite!” Sarah whined, touching his head.

“I can’t win with you people.” Zach threw his hands in the air. “Bye!”

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 100 - 96

100. Kati Wolf - “What about my dreams” Hungary 2011

Ugh I just remembered the Belgian press laughing their asses off at Hungary thinking they could win with Kati Wolf... 😤 Which um... RUDE? What about how she feels?? What about her liiiiiiiiife? Also, WHY COULDN’T WE HAVE HAD THAT OUTCOME INSTEAD??? NO Ellbeast winner and NO Ellbeast hosting AND NO disaster acoustics, let alone NO indentured servitude because the Crystal Arena never gets built! If Kati wins, EVERYBODY WINS!!! 

Having said that, lmfao Kati Wolf was indeed never going to win lolol. She was so inept and I adore her for it. 😍 She is one of the first “universally beloved OGAE favourite screws themselves over with a trainwreck live” type of contestant and easily the most iconic one, so much that we can speak of a “Kati Wolf Award” for the biggest OGAE flop every year. So much for their dreams. 😭 

However, independent from the suckage, I also greatly enjoyed "What about my dreams” live WHOOPS. I mean, I’ll caveat that the Hungarian version is a lot better. Regardless, both are pretty amazing, alternating between melancholy and self-empowerment, even when coated in a hilariously tacky aesthetic. Love the GIANT blue crystal “ring” (hand-bracelet?) and the blacklighted clothes. 😍 She CAN’T hold back. She CAN’T go back. She MUST be...freeeeeee [of good taste]. 

________________________________________________________________

99. Aliona Moon - “O mie” Moldova 2013

What an Iconic Entry. Of course, Aliona’s status as the ~First Growth Dress Ever~ alone grants her that title and for good reason. Six years after the fact it still holds up as a very impressive visual effect:

However, there is more to discuss than merely a display of excellent fashion. “O mie” is also notable for being the rare Competent Moldovan entry. 😲 Normally this is something I do not care about (and secretly “O mie” isn’t *that* competent cf. Aliona choking / the original English lyrics referencing the B’akt’un calendar 😍), but it’s always hilarious when a country with a negative budget/reputation such as Moldova manages to be both innovative AND have jurors eat out their hand while also spending a minimum of money. Of course the song itself is ALSO a great example of orchestral dramedy, courtesy of -who else- musical genius / perfect deity Pasha Parfeny. 😍 LEGEND!

______________________________________________________________

98. Francesco Gabbani - “Occidentali’s karma” Italy 2017

[2017 review here]

Oh look, it’s 2017′s Kati Wolf Award Laureate. 🤭 I feel kind of bad Francesco flopped though. The one time I support an Italian winner during the preshow and then he DOESN’T win??? ugh. 😒

However, that doesn’t take away from the Gabbani journey, which I found to be one of ups and downs, but fortunately mostly ups: The song is a mindblowingly clever parody of internet culture and, similar to how Valentina did it with “Facebook Ooh Oh Oh”, offers critique by simply showcasing everything wrong with internet culture and overendulging in it, in the most annoying fashion. 😍. This was further enhanced by culturally appropriating hindu/buddhist imagery and dancing with a life-sized “gorilla” on the stage. 

However, all the additions + a subpar live performance by Francesco caused westerner’s karma to quickly catch up with him, as his song’s message flew completely over the head of the general European audience and many rejected him FOR being... a culturally appropriating memelord. Oh Francesco. May your incompetence always find a place in our hearts...x

________________________________________________________________

97. Nina Sublatti - “Warrior” Georgia 2015

Omg, how come Eurovision has SO MANY epic Ninae? Sublatti, Zilli, Zizic, Kraljic,... I DEMAND a reality tv season with all of them!!!

Anyway, Nina Sublatti is a magnificent Athenian owlet who is responsible some of the worst English ever on Eurovision. I mean, yes, we’ve definitely seen worse diction (Aram mp3 😍, and Melovin, obv), but these lyrics are legendary in print:

NOT A SHABBY OR A MONEYMAKER WORLD GONNA LIGHT UP IN PEACE NOT A SHADOW’S VIRULATOR NOW YOU JUST YOU JUST GONNA BREATHE VIOLENCE BREAK THE FREE WINGS ARE GONNA SPREAD OUT I’M A WARRIOR OSCILLATING I’M GONNA GET UP AND BE OOOOOOOH I’M WARRIOR STILL STUCKED IN MY MIN-

No seriously, legit. The lyrics literally read “STILL STUCKED IN MY MIND”. Nina writng all of codswallop by herself and NOBODY bothered pointing out it makes no sense... or perhaps some foolish intern did and were promptly oximated. Either way, 😍

Omg and I just remembered that, after screaming those words at Europe for three minutes while pulling owlfaces and getting devoured whole by LOST’s Smoke Monster, Nina somehow believed she would be the best placing Georgian entrant ever and was FURIOUS she finished in ~only~ 11th place. Delusional queen. <3

________________________________________________________________

96. Farid Mammadov - “Hold Me” Azerbaijan 2013

I’ll be honest, for the longest time I didn’t want to like Farid. Obviously, "Hold me” is the usual mass-produced Swedish contraband that gets passed around between Azerbaijan, and Malta (random ESC alliances <3).

HOWEVER, no matter how many reservations I had about the song beforehand, Farid fucking... OWNED? lol. Like, for starters, I’ve spoken about bedroom eyes before and this-

-is actually a very good attempt at them. INSTANTLY WET TYRA BANKS, FIRST CALL OUT, SMYZE. Azerbaijan then followed this up with their now trademark ridiculous eyecatching staging that, as per true Azeri tradition, fits the song’s catch rhythm and ignores its insipid message (<3). GIANT GLASS CONTAINER <3 ROSE PETALS <3 The BEST part though is when the female dancer comes on, wearing a giant, endless spine dress. 💃STYLE ICONS💃

All in all, an excellent entry. I am happy it didn’t win though, mostly because 2013 is also the year when Azerbaijan’s televote fraud AND fixed jury votes came to light, WHOOPS!!! 🤭

[rinistop]

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, SET IT FREE - PART 5

Summary: With Rin leaving for Australia once again, Rin and Sousuke spend their last night together making memories. But all actions have consequences. Written for the Free Kink!meme

Rating: M

Contains: A/B/O, mating, knotting, mpreg, Alpha!Rin, Omega!Sousuke

He ended up with a little less time off than he'd previously thought and spent most of it in Iwatobi with Gou and his mother, feeling guilty that he hadn't done so much before, and dropped in on his underclassmen at Samezuka who were excited about his progress. A whole day was prioritised for Nagisa and Rei as well. He gave himself three days in Tokyo and met Haru and Makoto first. He saw Haru a lot in swim meets and competitions anyway, racing each other more often than not; and they had a group chat that they keep in regular contact with, but he hadn't seen Makoto since the end of school and he missed that sincere and unassuming presence.

Tokyo had been good to Makoto, who had never given himself enough credit for his own strength and ability. But it seemed he'd come to some sort of acceptance of himself, seemed more confident than the last time Rin had seen him and it made him happy to see that.

He met Kisumi next, in a teaming student hang-out that took him an embarrassingly long time to find. Kisumi steered him to the bar immediately, waving away his apologies for being late with a teasing, "Well, I was beginning to think you were standing me up, since you're usually so punctual - but you made it, after all! Now I don't have to go home and nurse a broken heart!"

Rin huffed a laugh, sheepish. "Yeah, well, I may have wandered the wrong way from the station - Tokyo can be kind of confusing and the map on my phone took a while to figure it out."

"Ha! Tell me about it - I spent my first month here glued to my map and only just made it in time for half my lectures. At the risk of sounding like a country bumpkin - coming from Iwatobi, the city can be really…distracting." He waved down someone behind the bar who he seemed to know well enough that he could ask for two sodas with minimal communication.

"Ugh, so distracting - the smell of food is the worst. I really miss Japanese food and everything around here smells like home. They have us on a really strict diet and it's fine most of the time, but sometimes I just crave other food. Nutritionally useless starchy carb food." Rin smacked some notes down on the counter before there could be any quibble over it and Kisumi rolled his eyes at him, but let him pay with a shrug.

"I think I know what you're talking about - Makoto is always complaining to me that Haru is always complaining to him about the strict diet. And every time he does it, I start craving the biggest bowl of ramen - but I've only given in three times, so far! How's that for self control?!"

Rin laughed and looked at him thoughtfully, turning to lean against the bar-top. "Do you meet up with Makoto often then? We try to vid-call every so often, but I have to admit I haven't been that great with that lately."

Kisumi looked uncharacteristically serious then, eyes seeming a little faraway. "Well, it's just…we used to be such good friends, you know. And then with you moving away and us all going to different schools, we all lost touch. But - it's going to sound kind of stupid saying it out loud," he smiled a little bashfully, "it kind of felt like a second chance I shouldn't waste when we ran into each other again, Makoto being my little brother's swimming coach and then the summer fair with you guys. So I try to make it a point to meet up."

And that was something Rin could understand very well - a lesson he'd learned the hard way after all. It was with a wry smile that he agreed, "Yeah, I know that feeling. It doesn't sound stupid at all."

In the ensuing silence he could feel Kisumi's eyes on him, appraising, and braced himself for what he knew was coming.

"You know…I see Sousuke a lot too."

And there it was. But in a roundabout way, Rin had been hoping Kisumi would broach the subject first, because he still felt…conflicted was probably the simplest way to put it. He pulled his backpack around to unzip it and reach inside. It also meant he didn't have to look at Kisumi's face.

"Hey, uh, when you go see him next - would you give him something from me? It's nothing big, just-"

Kisumi's hand over his stopped Rin from pulling his package out. When he looked up, Kisumi's eyes were endlessly kind.

"I'm going to see him tomorrow to drop off some books for entrance exam prep. Come with me." He must have seen the indecision on Rin's face, because he carried on. "You're still friends, right? I don't know what happened between you two, but I know he's missed you."

His fingers clenched once around the package, crinkling the wrapping a little before he let it go and pulled his hand out of his bag.

"Yeah. Yeah, ok."

--

It wasn't that Rin was unfamiliar with nervousness necessarily, but standing outside the blue front door of Sousuke's home while Kisumi rang the bell had him shuffling awkwardly wondering what he would do when it opened. Their last conversation hadn't exactly left them on the best of terms and they hadn't spoken since. And he'd been mean, which bothered him the most.

He stiffened at the sound of movement from within, the click of the latch an anxious sound to his ears. And then the door opened and that achingly familiar face was revealed, blue eyes widening at the sight of him, and Rin could feel all the thoughts in his head scattering like dust in the wind because. Somehow. Rin always seemed to forget how much the sight of him felt like home.

"Hey."

It wasn't until Kisumi cleared his throat, somewhat awkwardly, that Rin realised they'd been staring: drinking in the sight of each other after months of silence. His eyes dropped then, taking in the curve of Sousuke's belly that made his state obvious. And suddenly it felt painful, a lurch in his chest that Rin swallowed down as Sousuke moved to let them in.

"Uh, sorry, the place is kind of a mess. I've been studying is all so…." Sousuke led them into a cosy living room, couches turned inward toward a coffee table that was littered with textbooks and sheets of notes in his familiar chicken-scratch scrawl. It made Rin think of their dorm, of homework after a long training session with mellow music to accompany the scratch of their pens and their own murmured talk. God, why did that hurt?

Beside him, Kisumi was seated and making himself comfortable, so Rin sat too. When Sousuke took a seat across from him, he found his eyes repeatedly drawn to the bump, involuntarily, and try as he might, words escaped him. He was grateful when Kisumi filled the silence, placing some textbooks on the already full table and cheerfully warning Sousuke of his upcoming trials and which components of the entrance exams he'd found particularly difficult, with grumbles about the pointlessness of some of it in return.

It gave Rin time to compose himself a little before he could start contributing to the conversation, chatting about anything and everything  until there was a comfortable lull. Sousuke excuses himself to use the bathroom and wanders further into the building, shuffling through the kitchen to put the kettle on to boil on his way through.

"He's really having a baby." Rin said it with mild surprise, not sure what his surprise was for. "It's really…."

"Hm?" Kisumi turned, with questioning eyes.

"I couldn't imagine having a baby now, you know? I feel way too young. And to tell the truth, it kind of scares me to think about. But Sousuke's going to have a kid - a few months and he's going to be a parent. That's a whole different level and I've got to admit I've been struggling to process it. I didn't even know he wanted that."

"Yeah…I guess I know what you mean. All of that seems a little far off to get to, yeah? Strange to see someone our age jump up the ladder so much already. But I think Sousuke can do it, even it's hard to study and raise a kid at the same time."

"Oh, definitely. Nobody works as hard as Sousuke when he's set his mind on something and he wants to succeed. He'll do great whatever he decides on, I know that. Must be one hell of a guy, though."

"Huhh?"

"Have you met him?"

"Have I met who?"

Sousuke came back in then, holding a carefully balanced tray of drinks and snacks and a look on his face that suggested he was trying to be nonchalant about the fact that he hadn't brought them sooner. He'd never been that good at following ettiquette, but more out of carelessness than because he was rude. He set the tray down, asking, "What are you talking about?"

"I was just wondering - do I get to meet the lucky guy you've chosen to be with? Is he here?" They were best friends, after all - introducing your boyfriend to your best friend was as important as having them meeting your parents, right?

"Uh…no. He's at university at Kyoto still." Sousuke didn't seem to want to look at him, perhaps feeling awkward about the subject.

"Oh. What's his name - you never told me." Rin couldn't help but press. He knew absolutely nothing about the man he'd lost to. And he needed to make it not-awkward.

"Ah, I didn't, did I? His name is Watanabe Ryuu. He was my senior on the swim team - had the smoothest breaststroke I'd ever seen - and he really looked after me when I hurt my shoulder. I didn't fully appreciate it at the time."

He looked a little lost at that, in remembering something painful, and that wasn't what Rin was trying to do. So he left it there. Where before they might have known exactly how to work around the edges of each other's sensitivities (or bulldoze over them, as the case may be), now he wasn't sure what was acceptable. That night had changed their dynamic and then his news had changed it again and Rin felt cautious now. So he turned to rummage in his bag and pull out a slightly awkwardly, but neatly, wrapped package, which he pushed into Sousuke's hands.

"I, uh, didn't know how much stuff you needed or what you already have, so I got you something - it's nothing much. Lori helped me pick it out…."

Russell and Lori were the only ones he'd told about Sousuke. They'd figured out he was upset about something when he'd cancelled on their weekly dinner and insisted, in that gentle but firm way they had, that whatever it was gave no worth to avoiding them. They hadn't pressed him on it though, just waited. He'd been feeling hurt and angry and confused about why he felt that way and also that he had no right to feel that way at all. Without talking to them, he wasn't sure he would have found his way out of that confusing mire of emotion for a while yet. But it had been Russell, straightforward as always, who had reminded him that, at the core of it all, he still cared deeply about Sousuke and didn't want to stop being friends.

Sousuke was careful opening the package, peeling back the tape to reveal the bundle inside: a little hooded towel with an embroidered kangaroo face on the crest and a little quilted cloth toy in the shape of a koala. He picked it up with soft hands, gingerly running his fingers over the soft cloth. His head was down, but his voice was full of something Rin couldn't quite figure out when he spoke.

"Oh, this is really…it means a lot. Thanks, Rin. I'll use it in the hospital."

Which meant it would be the first thing the baby would ever use. And that was one hell of an honour. Rin felt something in him loosen then - like an assurance of…something. Not something he could figure out then and there, but it was bittersweet and comforting all at once. Perhaps a realisation that they held a special place in each other's heart that wasn't capable of being replaced - which was kind of a kicker, if you thought about it, really. But there was not point dwelling on that now, when there was nothing to do about it.

Whatever their relationship was now, they would work it out.

---

When Rin left a little while later, Sousuke thought he could honestly say he felt like a wrung out dishcloth.  Emotionally, anyway. He'd had to work hard to keep them under control  around Rin, especially when he'd seen the present he'd given. He sagged into the sofa as soon as he'd closed the door, rubbing his hands over his face as he leaned back into the cushions.

"Soooo…Watanabe Ryuu, huh?"

Shit. He forgot that Kisumi was still there, and that he didn't know either. But there was no way he knew who he was talking about. He rolled his head away and bit his lip. "Uh, yeah."

"Does this Watanabe Ryuu happen to have a younger sister - about our age, really tall, voleyball player, named Riko?"

That was strangely specific and also eerily on the mark. Which meant nothing good for Sousuke. He turned to look at Kisumi, sitting a little straighter, mind whirring as he tried to figure out what to say. For his part, Kisumi only stared guilelessly back.

"We're on the same course and we've become pretty good friends." He shrugged, something in the quirk of his lips that Sousuke would poke at later. "And she hasn't said anything about becoming an Aunty, though admittedly it wouldn't be any of my business to tell it to, but…. It's not Watanabe Ryuu, is it?"

Sousuke could only stare at him, lips pressed tight, caught in his lie. Kisumi was smart enough to put the pieces together by himself, and it was looking like he already had.

Kisumi took a deep breath. "It's Rin's, isn't it? And he doesn't know."

"Don't tell him." He clenched his jaw, stubborn, waiting for Kisumi to tell him all the reasons why he should.

"No, I guess I understand why you haven’t told him." Kisumi sounded thoughtful as he said, but the words knocked the wind out Sousuke's sails easily. Just like that, all the fight drained out of him. "It's kind of a sucky situation, though, huh?"

"…Yeah," Sousuke sagged back against the couch once more, head hanging over the back. "But. I don't know…."

"Hey, you know, I had my suspicions for a while, but when you said Ryuu, it just confirmed it. Does he know you're telling people he's the father of your child?"

"No. I don't tell anyone anything about it, if I can help it. Maybe I should just tell everyone it's you from now on."

"Ha! That'd be hilarious. But I'm here for you, ok? If you need a buffer, I'll be it." He rocked sideways to nudge Sousuke with his shoulder, trying to shake the melancholy look off Sousuke's face. But there was something wistful and distant there, that seemed to have caught him.

"Kind of wish it was you, right now. It'd be easier." The words were quietly spoken, a little sad and defeated.

"Sousuke…shall I take that as a love confession?"

And that seemed to have done the trick, his voice deliberately light and teasing to get the reaction he wanted out of Sousuke. Wide eyes, laughter.

"Pfft, you wish!"

---------

I just realised I only posted this on AO3 and not here, so I am rectifying that - I hate an incomplete archive! 

[snickerl]

The Return

XF Fanfiction

Now that season 11 is on hiatus, I hope the fandom is ready for a (sorry!) loooong background story about an almost unknown family member.

tagging @today-in-fic

He looks out the window and sees her sitting outside on the porch alone, deep in thought, her eyes fixated on something in the distance. She looks so lost and despite the still existing chasm between them, he feels the strong urge to console her. She said goodbye to her mother today, scattered her ashes to be reunited with her father's just as the last will stated, and he's utterly surprised about how deep the impact of all of this is on his own soul.

Charles Scully has been distant from his family for he doesn't know how long. Very long. The last time he had personal contact was when they were mourning another family member, his sister Melissa. She had been shot by a cold-blooded killer and the news had toppled the house of cards he'd been constructing so conscientiously around his family history and his reasons for cutting the ties. He had booked the next available flight out to become one of the mourners. Everyone, including him, was too shocked by how a young woman's flame of life had expired so very suddenly and randomly that nobody, including him, questioned his being there. And now he's in this house once again because of a funeral.

He'd spoken to his mother on the phone seconds before she drew her terminal breath. Bill had called him, informed him that she was in the hospital suffering from a heart attack and that she had asked for him before she had slipped into a coma. He had given him the number to Dana's cell phone and more or less commanded him to give her a call as if Charlie was one of his plebes from the Academy. It was a short, awkward, and one-sided conversation, reminding Charlie of the ones he used to have with his father before he turned his back to his family.

Being on the phone with Dana was different. She sounded so relieved when she realized it was him. Charlie could hear in her voice how desperate she was, how she was overwhelmed by the fear for her mother. She begged him to talk to her, didn’t order him like Bill. When her voice broke in the end, it touched a heartstring he already believed to be numb.

He can't remember what he said to his mother, something about why all of a sudden he was willing to reconnect probably, but he remembers the fuzz he overheard when his voice had obviously really caused her to open her eyes. He heard Dana's sharp intake of breath, he heard a man's voice asking his mother if she knew her name and where she was, he heard his mother say something but couldn't make anything of it. Then he heard Dana calling out to her in panic, the faint sound of the heart monitor indicating a flatline followed by his sister's heartbreaking sobs. Eventually, someone picked up the phone and talked to him. The words he heard only confirmed what he'd already suspected, feared even.

"Hello, Charles, this is Fox Mulder. We haven't met, I'm, uh...I'm a friend of Dana's." "I know who you are, Mr. Mulder." "Oh, okay, well...I'm very sorry but I have to tell you that your mother just passed away. My deepest condolences."

Charlie didn’t reply, he just killed the call without even saying goodbye, and when Dana called a few days later to inform him about the funeral arrangements, he didn’t want to attend at first. He talked himself into believing that he had paid his dues as a son by fulfilling his mother's last wish and that this was it for him, that he was through with his family for good now that both his parents were dead. Three sleepless nights and an earnest conversation with his better half later, he booked a flight to Washington.

And now he's here, in his mother's house, shaking hands with people he's been alienated from for a long time. The only person he feels slightly connected to is his sister who hugged him fiercely instead of clumsily holding out a hand like his brother. She thanked him for having talked to their mother, for having brought her back if even only for a split-second.

Dana's forlornness and grief don't leave Charlie cold, and so he opens the back door and joins her on the bench outside. He gets her attention by leaning to the side and nudging her shoulder. "You and Mulder are back together?" he asks to start the conversation.

"What makes you think we are?" Dana tosses over her shoulder without looking at him.

"He was at the hospital with you when mom died and today he's here, observing your every move like a bodyguard. He looks like he wants to wrap you in cotton wool. I'm surprised, that's all. The last thing I heard was that you'd left him."

His sister turns her head now and looks at him. "Heard from whom? I was under the impression you didn’t care to know anything about us."

"And yet, people have been telling me things."

"People?"

"Old high school friends. Navy acquaintances. Aunt Roberta calls once in while. You remember her? She's our father's half-sister's out-of-wedlock daughter. We met her once at a Scully family reunion out in Portland when we were kids. She was never really accepted as a member of the Scully clan but she has her sources when it comes to what happens in this family."

"Yes, I think I remember her. And she's telling you things about us? What things?"

"For example that Dana and her FBI agent with the funny name broke up."

"I have an FBI agent with a funny name?"

"At least Aunt Roberta thought so." Charlie chuckles when he thinks back to the more than peculiar conversation. He tries to imitate her Southern accent and her slight sigmatism which had amused them already when they were kids. "Charles, honey, have you heard about Dana and this FBI agent of hers? The one with that funny name I can't remember. It was some native flurry four-footed species with a bushy tail and pointed ears." His assumed voice makes Dana laugh and the unexpected joy he managed to bring to her urges him to continue. "She went through the whole list: lynx, coyote, raccoon...jackalope."

On the last one, her head turns slowly toward him and his ever-suspicious sister only needs to cock an eyebrow to make Charlie understand that she is questioning his story.

"Okay, I'm kidding on the jackalope, but I swear she mentioned the other three!"

"I wouldn't have thought, I bet if I browsed through the cabinet long enough I'd find an X-File involving someone named Jackalope," she retorts and her deadpan expression makes Charlie chuckle now.

The amusing twist their conversation has taken helps Charlie cover what he doesn't want to tell his sister about his telephone call with Aunt Roberta. For example, how troubled he was by the news of her failed marriage, partnership, romance, or whatever it was. The family had been discussing the state of her relationship to this man for years. Aunt Roberta once reported a 'friend of a friend' who was with the IRS had seen them file their income tax as a married couple. Those rumors coming from a questionable source were never confirmed and it didn't matter anyway if they were married or not, when a relationship fails it hurts, that much Charlie knew from experience. So when Aunt Roberta told him Dana and her FBI agent had separated, he felt an instant pit in his stomach. He later identified this as a mix of compassion and sympathy. He was sorry for his sister that she suffered from another setback in her life. He also doesn't want to tell Dana how conflicted he was when Aunt Roberta offered her new address, also obtained through rather murky means. He had declined and regretted it later on, because at that moment he had felt that one day, maybe, he would want to reach out for her.

Charlie doesn't fail to see that Dana isn't particularly generous with information about her relationship to Mulder, a trait which isn't new to him. When they were kids, she already hated being interrogated by her family about her teen romances, especially by her mistrustful father and concerned mother, but also by her siblings who, of course, teased her more than they really wanted to know what was going on in her heart.

Charlie wants to assert her now that they don't have to talk about Mulder if she doesn't want to, but then she picks up his initial question on her own accord and clarifies, "we didn't break up, at least not with finality. I moved out of our house about a year ago, but it was meant to be only a temporary separation. Mulder needed space to....ugh, well, it's too complicated to explain. We're both back at the FBI and have gotten closer again working alongside each other. Besides, he's still my best friend. I don't know how I would be able to survive all this without him."

"You call him by his last name too."

"I do."

He's heard the man his entire family has been gossiping about for years call his sister 'Scully' today a few times and at first, it bothered him a bit. Calling someone by their last name usually was a put-down, a means to create a distance. But the way he says it doesn't sound rude by any means, rather gentle, more like a term of endearment. And now he's just heard Dana call this man 'Mulder' for the first time as she hasn't spoken much during the service, and it also sounds so affectionate.

"A very special relationship you have there."

"Yeah," Dana huffs, "as if you knew anything about it."

"For someone to follow a convicted murderer underground, I'd say the relationship has to be very special. He's your son's father, I assume."

Her pinched mouth clearly indicates he's reached the limit now of what she's willing to share of her love life, and she doesn't hesitate to verbalize it either. "I don't want to talk about it. Besides, it's none of your business."

"Sure. Sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. It's just good to know that you have someone who looks after you."

Dana's head whirls around to look at him so fast, he fears it might give her a whiplash. Her steel blue eyes pierce through him and an ice-cold draft wafts off of her. It gives Charlie an idea that what she's going to say won't be very pleasant for him to hear and the sharp undertone she spits the words out with strengthens the impression.

"Is it, Charlie? You worry about me all of a sudden? I haven't heard from you or seen you in ages. You didn’t care if someone looked after me after my abduction, when I had barely survived a gunshot wound to the abdomen, when I buried Mulder, or when I had my baby, your nephew. You didn't even care when I was dying of cancer."

There's going to be no warming up, he realizes with a start. No getting reacquainted first after so many years of separation, no holding back, no fence time. She throws the accusations right at him and every word feels like a slap across his face.

"I cared," he replies flatly, a bit shocked by the list of terrible things that happened to her. He's heard about all of them. Sometimes only years later, but he knows that she's been at death's door too many times in the line of duty, he knows he once had a nephew called William, and he's heard a lot about one Fox Mulder playing a decisive role in almost everything. He also was in the loop when she was ill with terminal brain cancer. His mother had told him, had left a message on his answering machine pleading with him to visit his sister at the hospital. It was the time she still tried to bring the lost sheep back to the herd. It was only after the umpteenth message he'd left unanswered that she gave up and left him alone. Probably to save herself from more hurting. Even a mother can only take so much rejection.

"Why didn’t you come to the hospital? I was waiting for you, Charlie! Day after day after day, I told myself that tomorrow you'd show up with a good explanation why you hadn't been able to make it earlier, until one day I realized you deliberately stayed away. I can't say it didn't make me sad."

"It would've been a sorrowful cause for a family reunion."

It's the only explanation he can think of this quickly, fully aware that it's a lame excuse. It's a pretext he tries to hide the real motives behind. It's not going to help him out of the confrontation lurking right in front of him, he figures. He sees the determination in his sister's eyes to get to the bottom of the matter and the bundle of questions she's been waiting so many years to ask him.

"I was dying, Charlie. It was your last chance to ever see me alive. Didn't this have any effect on you?"

"You didn't die."

Another useless remark. The fact that she didn't die doesn't lessen his wrongdoing in the slightest.

"No, I didn't, but nobody was able to foresee that at the time. My body was weeks away from shutting down, maybe only days."

He has nothing to say to this. Not even some senseless, placatory words. He's getting more and more uncomfortable. His pulse rate must have risen significantly, the lump in his throat is growing, and the air around him feels sticky. Beads of sweat start forming on his forehead, although the temperature is moderate and a light breeze is blowing in his face.

"Don't you have anything to say? Any explanation, any excuse?"

"There is no excuse," he admits meekly to his sister and actually the first time to himself, he realizes. Deep down at the bottom of his heart, he knew he was making a terrible, irrevocable mistake, but he never had the guts to concede this fact to himself.

"You're damn right there isn't! I don't get it, Charlie, your surviving sister being at death's door wouldn't bring you to put aside the family dispute for just once? Huh? Didn't it matter just a tiny little bit that I was diagnosed with a terminal illness?"

He sees the hurt in her eyes, the wound he caused that has never healed completely and still oozes.

How is he to make her understand that both Ahab's and Melissa's sudden deaths had paralyzed him? He felt strong and invincible having dissociated himself officially from his family, a family whose paternal structures of command and obey had suffocated him. But when his father had died unexpectedly from a heart attack, he felt deprived of the possibility to ever set things right. The family he had left was never going to be the same with its head being gone, the person Charlie had rubbed against the most. There seemed to be no way back to where he once had been. There had been no doubt that Bill would take over, moving upwards in the chain of command from being someone receiving orders to giving them. The friction that had existed between his older brother and himself would increase tenfold with their father gone, of that Charlie had been sure. And things got even more complicated for him when with Melissa another pillar of the family structure was eliminated without a warning. His place in the remaining mesh of relations was evermore undefined and Charles Nevin Scully, youngest branch of the pedigree, departed more and more from his family, even from the ones he never had a reason to be at odds with other than that they belonged to that particular family: his mother and living sister.

Charlie's sinister flashbacks leave him silent which leads Dana to voice her very own interpretation. Misinterpretation, that is. What else?

"You were of the same opinion as our older brother, weren't you? That it was all my fault. That only I was to blame for everything that happened to me because it had been my choice to join the FBI. A choice which killed our sister."

"Bill said that to you?"

"Yes."

"When you were in the hospital?"

"Yes."

"What an asshole!"

Dana narrows her eyes and furrows her brows. "That wasn't what you thought of me?" she asks, surprise evident in her voice.

"No. Never."

"Then I understand even less why you completely ignored my being ill. If a hospital bedside visit was too much to ask for, why didn't you call or at least write a few lines? Something. Anything. I was longing for a sign that you cared about me, Charlie."

He would like to tell her that he cared. He cared so much that he called the hospital every day to ask how she was doing. He had been able to convince a nurse that he was a family member authorized to get next of kin information. Her name was Estelle, and she reported to him every up and down of the course of his sister's illness. How she battled her way through the aggressive treatment, how the hopes everyone had pinned on chemo and radiation were disappointed, how she became a little less every day. He knew of the mysterious chip Dana's FBI partner had come up with even before his mother and brother heard about it. The last time he spoke with Estelle was when she called him the day the cancer had gone into remission to tell him about his sister's miracle cure. He cried when he put the receiver back into the cradle. A few days later, Dana was discharged and Estelle received a huge bouquet of flowers.

Why he can't tell his sister this, Charlie doesn't know. Instead, he gives her some other reason, one that is equally true though. "What good would it have done to rekindle, Dana? Tell me. Why get close to someone you're going to lose again?"

Her eyes wide and gasping for breath like a fish out of water, her indignant reply isn't long in coming. "Pardon, I'm not sure I got this right. Are you saying it wasn't any use? That it wasn't worth the effort because I would be gone soon after anyhow?"

Tears flood her incredulous eyes and Charlie hates how he is making things worse instead of better.

"No, that's not exactly what I meant."

"Then what did you mean, Charlie? I don't understand a word you're saying. I never really understood why we were estranged in the first place."

"We," he fidgets with his hand between them, "were never estranged, Danes."

"No? Then how come you didn't get on a plane and pay me a sick visit as long as you still could?"

Maybe it's time to finally be honest, his mind supplies, to finally explain his state of mind at the time. If it only wasn't so damn difficult to pour his heart out to someone he had taught himself to cut out of his life. But she is his sister, and back in the days as kids, they were like two peas in a pod. The two youngest Scullys were inseparable and always attached to one another. He owes her an explanation, she deserves to understand why his behavior as an adult differed so much from when he was a child.

He musters all his courage and clears his throat, then starts to explain, his powerless voice revealing how hard it is for him to speak the words. "I had already lost one sister, I wasn't ready to lose another. It had been hard for me not to be able to say goodbye to Melissa, but to watch you die, Dana, simply seemed impossible for me to handle. I thought that if I pretended that the family drama didn’t have anything to do with me, it would be easier for me to cope with the inevitable, which would be the...the, uhm..."

"My death," Dana supplies unmoved.

"The loss of my second sister."

It doesn't take her long to understand the essence of his profession. "So you're saying you ignored my medical condition to protect you from the pain my passing would eventually inflict on you."

"I know that was selfish of me."

"It was. Very selfish. Incredibly selfish." She hesitates a moment until she goes on, probably because it takes her a moment to grasp the whole concept, something that took him years to accept, and he sees it coming, she won't spare him his shortcoming. "All you saw was your loss and how you would have to deal with it. The situation I had to fight with at that very moment didn't even exist in your imagination. Do you want to know what I had to deal with, Charlie?" She doesn't wait for him to answer. "There was no hope for a cure but I underwent treatment anyway just to buy myself a bit of time. Chemotherapy made me vomit my insides out, radiation gave me gum sores and made it difficult for me to swallow. I suffered from constant fatigue and lost so much weight they gave me nutritional IVs so I wouldn't die from malnutrition. I was terrified, Charlie, I didn't want to die. I was too young to die, and I didn't deserve to die. I was so scared. I could've used you to help me through this, little brother."

Scanning his face, her eyes tell him how hard her struggle was, how it had taken every bit of strength she had within her tiny body. Charlie feels the same horror as all those years back when Estelle gave him the minutae medical reports of her ordeal, and he's employing the same whitewashing technique to justify his failure as a brother, only it was much easier back then to convince himself that he wasn't doing anything wrong than it is today.

"You had people taking care of you much better than I would've been able to. You had mom and Bill. Your partner."

He had heard from Estelle that there was an FBI agent who moved heaven and hell to be allowed to sit at his sister's bedside outside visiting hours, that he spent the nights either holding Dana's hand or in her bed spooning against her. Estelle had never witnessed so much compassion from a patient's work colleague before. Charlie didn’t have to be a psychic to be able to conclude that this man had to be the infamous Fox Mulder, of whom his mother had spoken so dearly during Dana's abduction, but his brother had called a joke figure unworthy of being in law enforcement.

"Mom's sad face only reminded me of how much fear and worry I had caused her since the day I joined the FBI. She tried to hide her tears from me, but there were days her eyes were so red and puffy, I knew she'd been crying until she stepped into my room. I was grateful to her for her love and care but sometimes the way she clung to me made it difficult. Mulder also tried to put on a show for me and acted as if there was nothing to worry about, but I knew him too well not to see the underlying fear. I noticed how he tried to keep a calm face as long as he was in my room but deep inside struggled with the idea of going on without me. I wanted a pledge from him that he would continue our work but he refused to even talk about it. He tried to keep from me that he was searching for a cure, breaking every FBI rule there was, but I looked right through him. He reminded me of a duck that floated serenely on the water but paddled frantically underneath. There were days I worried more about him than about myself. And Bill, well...you know him, he's not really good at displaying his soft, compassionate side, although he has one. When he said he wanted to come to terms with me, he just did not go so far as to add 'as long as you're still here'. He's never forgiven me my decision to join the Bureau. He's been more unforgiving in this than dad ever was. Mom told me that Ahab had eventually accepted my choice before he died."

Charlie isn't so sure about it. Their father could be very stubborn and unrelenting. He himself had been at the receiving end of the paternal pressure, they all had. Their mother had always been the balancing force and of course, she wanted Dana to believe that her beloved father had finally made his peace with her career choice. That Bill had taken over Ahab's role as her stern critic also fit into the mold of how he pictured the family dynamics from the distance he had been keeping so eagerly.

"I don't understand it, Charlie, we'd always been so close. I loved how you lived for the moment, how you looked at your life so differently from how I did. You were always so carefree and confident. I could've used your optimistic attitude to cheer me up, your inappropriate jokes to lift my spirits, your positive thinking to assure me that everything was going to be fine. I badly needed someone to distract me, to take me away from all these people with their worried faces and sinister forebodings."

He doubts he could've been this someone for her, given the worry and sinister forebodings he was hatching inside himself at the time, but he would never admit it. He's already told her so much more than he ever thought he would. There was something else though he needs her to understand.

"Danes, I may have been a selfish bastard...correction, I was a selfish bastard...but there's one thing you have to believe. There never was a time I did not care about you. You've always been my favorite sibling. I mean, Bill and I never had a lot in common. Being so much older than me, he always thought he could boss me around when dad was away. Melissa was fun and easy-going but too occupied with herself to pay a lot of attention to her baby brother. You, Dana, you were the only one who looked after me. Do you remember how you once intimidated some boys who bullied me in school?"

Dana shakes her head in disbelief as if his well-meant words don't make any sense to her, probably because they contradict his behavior during these past years, but he needs her to understand that he's always loved her dearly. The distance he put between them has only been physical, never emotional. The happy childhood they had shared wouldn't let him dissociate completely from his sister, even if he had tried.

"They were taller than me, and a lot taller than you, but you put your hands on your hips and told them to leave me alone if they didn't want you to give them a lesson of a girl's secret combat strategies. Your flaming red curls and fiery eyes put them to rout alright. You were my heroine then, today, and always."

"Your heroine?"

"Yes, my heroine. Geez, you never avoided a confrontation, never abandoned your beliefs. You were the only one of us who dared to argue with dad, and I adored you for that. Not even our older brother would've had the guts to do what you have done: choose a career against our father's explicit will. I asked myself if the Navy really was Bill's first choice or only dad's. You were the tiniest of us four but also the strongest and most courageous."

"Overpraise."

"Oh no, not at all. I couldn't have wished for a better big sister."

Charlie watches her with silent scrutiny and when his eyes find hers, a little smile sneaks from the edge of Dana's lips. Her voice becomes softer with every sentence of the childhood memory that leaves her lips.

"I was so happy when mom and dad told us we would have another brother or sister. I'd always wanted to be a big sister like Melissa. Mom told me years later that she had two miscarriages after me and didn't dare to try for a fourth child for quite a while. That's why the gap between you and me is somewhat larger than between us other three. When you were born and dad took us to the hospital to visit you and mom, I was allowed to hold you although I was the youngest. I remember that dad said it was Bill's right as the firstborn but mom insisted I should hold you, and of course, Bill didn't mind. He had his hands in his pockets the whole time to keep anyone from placing the fidgeting baby in his arms. Melissa was too occupied with the current book she was reading to bestow as much as a glance on you, so I held you the entire time. You looked at me with wide eyes, then fell asleep in my arms. Mom said that you'd been crying all day, that she'd thought you were never going to stop, and that from now on she would call me to help her soothe you whenever you were upset. I almost burst out of pride. I had fallen in love with my baby brother at that very moment and I felt that nothing and no one would ever come between me and him...until I was lying in a hospital bed, sick and scared, yearning for my brother to hold me for a change. And he didn't show up."

The way her voice breaks at the end is stealing Charlie's breath. "God, Dana," he groans. His stomach churns and he feels like he is being stabbed in the heart. It's not easy to be told so plainly how wrong he had been.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's alright. I deserve every word of it."

"Maybe, maybe not. I mean, I guess you had your reasons to distance yourself from the family. Seriously, how many fights did you have with dad about scholastic merits, majors, and fields of study? About the so-called serious sides of life?"

"He wanted me to become a second Bill Jr., one more son he could push into the Navy to follow his footsteps. Why did he never argue with Melissa like that? She wasn't exactly an industrious, determined student either, was she? When she told him she was going to move into this esoteric commune to learn how to free her spirit from the shackles of the performance society he only shook his head, shrugged and continued reading the paper. I didn’t get it. If it had been me, he would've given me an hour-long lecture."

Dana has to chuckle now. "She was a girl, Charlie. Dad probably thought she'd get married one day and left it to the future husband to put up with those silly ideas of hers."

"And he had you, of course. Bright, ambitious, A-student Dana at the onset of a career in either science or medicine. You raised the bar to unreachable heights for us ordinary mortals."

"That was never my intention. I just loved to study and I found joy in being the best possible in everything I did. I still do actually. Mulder can tell you a thing or two about it."

"I knew you didn't become daddy's pet on purpose, but you were, and at a certain point there just was no valid place for me to settle myself in. Bill was his golden Navy boy, you were the brainiac, Melissa had already taken the role of the black sheep, so what was I going to be?"

"Is that why you went away?"

"I couldn't do anything right by him, he was always on the lookout for mistakes he could blame me for. Mom always tried to make up for it but let's face it, dad wore the pants in that marriage. One day I realized I was happy and satisfied as long as he was away. The nearer his homecoming, the more uncomfortable I got. The family was thrilled about his return, whereas I dreaded it, and when you cried when he left us again, I had to feign being sad. At a certain point, it had become so obvious for me that I was an outsider in this family that I decided I would move out as soon as possible."

"And so you did," Dana states.

So he did. On the morning of his 18th birthday, he let his mother and siblings know over the birthday breakfast they had set up for him that he was going to move in with a friend. His father was at sea, luckily. Charlie wouldn't have had the guts to go through with it probably if Ahab had been sitting at the table with them. His mother was utterly aghast, his brother ridiculed him, the older of his two sisters babbled something about how one must pursue the path being offered, the younger cried, pleading with him to stay.

"Please believe me when I tell you that it wasn't you personally I needed to get away from, it was this family dynamic I couldn't cope with any longer."

"A dynamic I was a part of."

"Yeah," he sighs, "you were. It wasn't easy for me, especially in the beginning, but I needed a complete cut. It wouldn't have worked any other way for me."

"I hear you using 'I' and 'me' a lot, Charlie. Have you ever wasted a single thought about what your leaving did to us? Mom especially?"

He had. He thought a lot about his mother and it felt terrible to turn her down in her persistent attempts to reestablish contact. He can't explain what made him react to this last effort of hers. Maybe he'd realized that even if it was too late for him to reconcile with his mother, he didn't want to lose a third family member without even saying goodbye. Fate had been so courteous to him as to give him a second chance with Dana, it didn't offer him a second one with his mother, but at least he got to show her he still cared about her before she died.

"I did think of her, more than I would want, but, well...it's just that you can't make an omelet without breaking the eggs."

Dana cocks an eyebrow, a gesture Charlie is familiar with since early childhood. "Weird analogy here," she snorts. "It means you accepted you hurt her, I guess. "

"I'm afraid I have to say yes."

Dana presses her lips into a sharp line and nods slightly, processing his painfully honest words. "Well, thank you for taking the time to ease her heart at her last moments on earth." If she tried to prevent sounding sarcastic, she's not succeeding.

"Even at the risk of you not believing this, I'm glad I did. She was my mother, I owed it to her. I, uh...I did love her."

He's rendered his sister speechless for a moment with these last words. A tear escapes her eye when she finally says, "I believe you, I only wished she would've had more time with you."

Charlie swallows hard. His voice is small when he replies, "I'm sorry, Dana, I know I should've come back earlier. I should've been there for you, and for mom, when you needed me."

"You're here today, Charlie, and that's all that matters now."

They turn toward each other and after a moment of hesitance they hug, long and tight.

"Mmmm," Dana hums and the sound vibrates comfortably in Charlie's ear, "I'm so glad to have you back, little brother."

"It's good to be back, sis."

"You won't hide anymore?"

"No. I promise."

After a moment of significant silence they spend with Dana clutching Charlie as if her life depended on it, he breaks the embrace. To his dismay, the moment he lets go of her, his sister collapses. Her shoulders start trembling and when her chin falls to her chest, he hears the first sob escape her throat. He looks at her, not knowing exactly what she is crying about. She has so many reasons to cry. There were so many losses in her life she had to deal with, starting with a brother who vanished from her life without leaving a trace. Guilt crawls up his spine for having left her in the lurch for so long. He places himself right next to her, their thighs touching, and puts an arm around her shoulder. She instantly falls into him and the dam breaks. Her body is shaking from heavy sobs and soon Charlie feels his shirt getting wet from her tears. It's as if she's bottled up her sadness for too long that it now gushes out of her unchecked.

It takes Dana several minutes to recompose herself, minutes in which she's being rocked and comforted by her long-lost brother until the sobbing subsides eventually. She disentangles herself from him, pulls a tissue out of her pocket and blows her nose. Looking at him with red and blurry eyes, she manages a weak smile when she says, "seems you've returned the favor now."

"What favor?"

"To hold me until I stopped crying like I did when you were a newborn."

Charlie can't keep the sour chuckle down which is climbing up his throat. "Superb, it only took me 46 years. Well done, dude!"

Now Dana chuckles too, but hers is full of relief, not reproach. "Better late than never."

The sudden realization strikes him hard. How he wishes now that he'd been her rock also back then. Hell, how often had she stood up for him when their father had told him off, justifiably or not? How often had she covered for him, both in school and at home? She'd helped him out of more than one predicament, and he had only taken, taken, taken. He'd taken his unselfish, giving sister for granted and he'd never given her anything in return but his outright admiration and brotherly affection. As a kid, it had probably been all that could've expected from him, but as an adult in his mid-twenties, he should've had the decency and morality to swallow his personal sensitivities and shove his pitiful ass all the way from Fresno to her bedside in Washington to hold her hand.

"I'm so glad you got cured, Dana. I would've never been able to forgive myself."

In his state of harsh self-flagellation, Charlie fails to recognize that Dana's mood has already shifted from reproach to reconciliation. If he wasn't so self-centered once again, he would be able to read it in her face, in her open look and appeasing smile. She lays her hand on his forearm and squeezes it gently.

"Let's not talk about it anymore, Charlie. The cancer is gone, I'm fine. I've been cancer-free for years. We have all the time in the world to make up for the past years."

"What? That simple? You're forgiving me just like that as if I'm belatedly returning a book I borrowed from you? I failed you in the moment of your worst distress and you're saying 'let's forget it'?"

"If I learned anything during my illness, it has to be that it's no use trying to redo what's past. The past can't be changed, only the present and future.  When I was still in the belief that my remaining days were numbered, I struggled with what I had missed doing in my past and it was hard to accept that there were some things I would never be able to catch up with. Then a miracle happened and I got cured. I was given a second chance and I swore to myself I wouldn't waste it with regretting the mistakes I'd made in the past."

"You got cured thanks to a...erm, somewhat alternative approach, so I heard."

Dana's hand goes to her neck, her fingertips reaching for the spot where an implant had first been taken out and later on another one put in. He heard the whole story.

"Mulder's chip, well...it certainly led to some discussion with mom and Bill. They thought I was being crazy to even try it, but I had nothing to lose. And I trusted Mulder."

"Are you still carrying it?"

"Yes, I am. It seems to have kept me in remission ever since."

"That's wonderful, Danes. How did Mulder know it would work?"

"He didn't, but he is a believer. And he taught me to believe."

"What a great partnership. How long have you been together now?"

"More than 20 years."

"Wow."

"Yeah, it's quite a time span. What kind of life are you living, Charlie? Do you have a significant other? Are you married?"

"Divorced. Twice."

"Children? Any nephews or nieces I don't know of?"

"No children, no. At least no biological ones. Carrie, my second wife, has two boys, and we get along pretty well. Once in a while, I take them to a football game or out for burgers. They're cool kids, but it seems I'm not made to be a family man. I'm not good at playing house. I definitely won't marry again. I'm living with someone though. Haley. She's 32, a free spirit, artist. She reminds me of Melissa at times. She's very open when it comes to addressing my flaws," he adds with a grin. "She's good for me."

"Sounds wonderful. It's good not to be alone."

"What about Mulder and you?"

"We're not living together at the moment."

"You already said that, but will you again? One day?"

"Maybe," she says, and with a little more emphasis, "probably."

"He seems like a good person. Quite different from what I've been told by Bill."

"How come Bill talked to you about Mulder?"

"Well, you're not going to like it, but uhm...he wanted me to help bring you to your senses. Back in the day. I think by now, he's given up on the endeavor to eliminate him from your life."

"Bill and Mulder have never really connected. Bill blamed him for dragging me into this dark world of his, into his quest of finding the truth. He completely neglected the fact that I was a grown woman who made her own choice when I decided to follow him. One day, his quest had become mine."

"And you had fallen in love," Charlie points out.

"It's a very long and very complicated story but yes, somewhere along the road we fell in love with each other. I think neither of us can pinpoint the exact moment when it happened, one day we simply found ourselves being in love. When you've found your perfect other, you don't let them walk out of your life just like that, even though not everything is always perfect."

"I like him."

"You do?"

"Yes, he seems kind and decent, and absolutely devoted to you. He guards you like a mother bear."

"He's always been very protective of me, unlike what Bill thinks."

"He was in the hospital with you. When mom died."

"He was. I received Bill's call at a crime scene and Mulder sent me to go see mom right away, saying he'd cover for me. He came to the hospital later. He knew I needed him. Apart from that, he liked mom and was worried about her. She liked him too. She liked him a lot. Her last words were to him. I guess she said them to both of us, but she was reaching out for Mulder and looked him in the eye when she said what she said."

"That she also had a son named William."

"Her last thoughts were of the two people that were lost to her - William and you. She loved you, Charlie, despite everything, and she needed to know you were alright before she was ready to go. As a mother, she never gave up on her child."

He's surprised about the warm feeling spreading inside. Maybe as a son, he also never gave up on his mother. Maybe even if the umbilical cord is cut there's an invisible bond between a mother and her child that never ceases to exist. He thought he had burnt all bridges behind him but that obviously wasn't true. He's glad he made that last phone call and talked to his mother. It not only gave her peace but also him. He missed the chance to make full amends with her, but maybe she'd known what their last-minute reconciliation would do for him. A mother always knows what's best for her child.

"But why did she tell you she also had a son named William? She should've known you were aware you had a brother with that name. It seems a little peculiar to me."

"I don’t think that was what she was trying to remind us of."

"Of what then?"

"That we, Mulder and I, have a son named William too."

"Huh? She thought you forgot that?"

"No. She knew we missed him every day of our lives. She wanted to tell us to never give up hope, to keep believing that we will reunite with him one day, just like she had reunited with you after so many years of separation."

"Well, reunited is probably too big a word. I spoke two sentences to her. She didn't even answer."

"She felt the connection re-established, Charlie. Your two sentences pulled her out of the coma. The fact that her prayer for you had been answered, that you had come, even if only through the speaker phone, gave her peace, and she wanted the same peace for us."

"Awesome. I never would've thought."

"It took me a while to figure it out myself. At first, I was confused and even a bit angry at her. I asked myself why she had to remind us of the child we had lost. What was the use of hurting us? Only days later I understood what she was trying to tell us."

"To look for him?"

"To always feel responsible for him. We are his parents, even though he's not living with us. Mulder and I created this life, and for as long as we live, our obligation is to assure he's safe and happy. If it means we have to stay away from him, so be it, that's what we have done the past 15 years, but maybe the day will come when we can dare to contact him. She told us to never stop hoping for this to finally happen."

"With saying she also had a son name William she put herself in your shoes."

"She acknowledged my motherhood, something I've had difficulties with since I gave him up. She always saw the mother in me, never the woman who gave her son away. I can't tell you what this means to me. Especially because she disapproved of my decision to give him up for adoption, and very strongly so. She loved William and didn't want to lose her grandson. I've been told many times by people who didn't know better that I would understand a certain situation better if only I was a mother. Working at the children's ward does that to you, it puts you in a situation where you have to talk to parents making tough choices for their sons and daughters. The choices I made for my children-"

Dana stops mid-sentence, takes a deep breath and bites her lower lip for a moment, then turns toward her brother. "Do you know that I had a daughter? A beautiful girl. Emily. Begotten with my ova, carried and given birth to by another woman."

Charlie nods. He has never fully understood the whole story of that girl's existence, but his mother, God bless her, had written him a letter back then giving him the news of how her first grandchild had entered her life so miraculously and then left it again within the blink of an eye. The letter even contained a picture of a little girl that looked so much like his sister it had taken his breath away, but he had been in a phase where a lot of things were going on in his own life, so he had never really allowed this story to get at him.

Dana's eyes become unfocused and she looks beyond her brother to an image only she can see. Charlie is aware that she hides the full depth of her pain. To her questioning look as how he'd come to the knowledge of that other child of hers, he only answers taciturnly "mom". A fleeting smile crosses Dana's face at the mentioning of her mother, then she takes on from where she left a moment ago. "I didn't know Emily existed until she was three years old. She was so terribly sick when I found her. There was no hope for a cure, and I decided to accompany her on her way of death instead of prolonging her suffering just to have her with me a little while longer." The last sentences come out in a staccato without drawing a single breath in between them as if this was the only way for her to be able to do it.

"Jesus, Dana, there's been so much suffering in your life, so much pain and loss."

His sister heaves a bitter chuckle. "Yeah, it seems that my adult life has been one long master class in death beginning with my choice to go into forensic pathology. Fate would've had it that I not only studied death but gathered a lot of personal experience to add to the scientific approach. God, there are so many deaths, one after another, it's almost difficult to put them in a chronological order." She squints her eyes for a second, then starts the morbid list. "Dad, Mulder's father, Melissa, Emily, Mulder's mother, Samantha, Mulder, the Gunmen, and almost myself now and then. Now I have to add mom to the list."

Some names don't make sense to Charlie, like Samantha and the Gunmen, and he asks himself how Mulder made it onto the list, but he won't dwell on it. There's no use in deepening the cuts in her heart. His sister is a textbook definition of a strong person but where is her breaking point? When would all this death be too much for her to take?

"Well, anyway," she shakes her head as if to push the thoughts about death out of her mind, "what I wanted to say was that the choices I made for my children left me at a point where I wasn't seeing myself as a mother anymore. All I felt I was, was being the biological origin of two human beings who lived, or had lived, their lives far away from me with other women raising them. Mom never saw it that way. Every Mother's Day she sent me two white lilies and a card, thanking me for the two grandchildren I gave her. In her eyes, I never ceased being a mother, and I'm so grateful she reminded me of it before she left us."

As a man, not even a father, Charlie can only try to imagine what it was like for his sister to lose two children, and, to make matters worse, under such unfortunate circumstances beyond her control. From the way she so fondly speaks of her emotions connected to her motherhood, he feels safe enough to ask her a question that has been on his mind for a while.

"How was he? My nephew?"

Dana's self-containment is gone for a moment. She sucks in her breath deeply through her nose while her eyes slide closed. Charlie already fears he's gone too far, but then a slight smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. When she opens her eyes, they are filled with tears, but they don't seem to be sad, rather dreamy.

"How was he? Let's see. Hmmm, he was such an easy baby. He didn't cry a lot, he was happy and satisfied most of the time. As difficult as the pregnancy and childbirth were, it didn't have any negative influence on him. He smiled mostly, ate and slept well. He would look at you with his big, curious eyes and melt your heart. He was a godsend for a first-time mother."

"Did he look a lot like you? Like a Scully? Bill's kids all looked so much like him when they were babies, I almost pitied them," Charlie deadpans.

"It's what nature intends. Fathers don't share a mother's certainty that a baby is theirs, so newborns resemble their fathers early on to assure men they invest their resources in their own offspring."

"So he resembled Mulder more than you?"

He can't stop himself from asking the trick question. So far, she has spoken of her partner's fatherhood only in casual half-sentences and Charlie wonders why. At this point, he's certain that no one else can be her son's father but Fox Mulder.

"Well, he had blue eyes like most babies have and only peach hair when he was born, but whenever I looked at his face I saw Mulder, especially after he had to leave us. William was all I had at a time I didn't even know if Mulder still lived." Leading her yet again to a sad chapter of her life story hadn't been his intention but she seems unfazed and Charlie doesn't even have to voice another question for her to continue and eventually answer his question. "When I picture him now, I see a mixture of the both of us: a lanky teenage boy with Mulder's brown unruly hair and my blue eyes. I hope he's been spared the red hair, I remember how Bill and you wrestled with the color of your hair as kids. And you're dying it now, I see." She rakes her fingers through her brother's hair with an amused smile on her face.

"I've tried more or less every single color, I can tell you as much. It was green for quite a while," he quips.

The information makes her laugh. It's a wholehearted laughter, taking a bit off the edges of their sad conversation. "Well, you were far away enough from home to be allowed to experiment. Imagine Bill with green hair. Dad would've been mad as hell."

Charlie joins in her laughter and they both can't hold it, they laugh until the tears stream down their cheeks. It's a good laughter which puts an end to the heavy talk and lets them both cherish their togetherness. This is how it used to be between them when they were kids, light and easy.

Dana and Charlie are both so absorbed that they startle when the back door opens with a creak and Mulder pops his head out.

"Sorry to interrupt but there's an Aunt Roberta on the phone who wants to pass on her condolences to you, Scully. She says she's a distant relative, the second daughter of your father's cousin or something like that. She asked me if I was the FBI agent with the funny name. What am I supposed to make of that?" Dana and Charlie look at each other and burst into hysterical laughter, much to Mulder's bewilderment. "Well, I'm glad to see you're having fun," he growls with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Sorry for that, Foxxx," Charlie says, stretching his name for emphasis and gritting his teeth at the same time in order to keep himself from laughing. He gets up and puts a hand on the taller man's shoulder. "I'll talk to her."

After Charlie has vanished into the house, Mulder takes the now empty spot next to his partner and mumbles under his breath, "agent with the funny name...moi?"

She also tries to suppress a grin but is only half successful. "There's obviously been some talking about us within my family and Aunt Roberta has been adding her own anecdotal details to the stories."

"Anecdotal details, I see. Well, as long as she calls me funny and not spooky, I shouldn't complain."

"I never thought you were spooky, Mulder."

"Not even when we first met and I showed you the slides to our first case?"

"No."

"I can't quite believe that, Scully. Everybody thought I was spooky."

"First of all, I'm not everybody...." Mulder smiles consentingly, "second, I thought you were nuts when we first met."

"Ouch." Mulder's face contorts in feigned hurt for a second before he shoots back, "and I thought you'd last a week maximum. I guess we've both changed our minds."

"Who said I have?" she deadpans.

"Funny. Very funny, Scully." Mulder's face is empty now, whereas Dana's lightens up upon their banter.

Inside the house, Charlie isn't listening very closely to what Aunt Roberta is saying. He tries to follow the interaction outside on the porch and strains his ears to get at least some of the conversation. Casually, he tells her now, "stop calling him that, Aunt Roberta. His name is Fox, and forget what you've been told about him, he's a good person." It only takes his aunt, who's probably a second or third cousin or actually not a real relative at all, a brief moment to process this new information before she showers Charlie with more questions he chooses to ignore. His attention is again directed outside when he hears Dana and Mulder resume their conversation after a few moments of silence. He takes the receiver away from his ear to be able to follow what's being said outside.

"Did you two have a good conversation?" Mulder asks

"Hmm, yes, we did. A long overdue conversation, but a good one. I lost my mother, but I got my brother back."

Charlie's heart swells.

"That's good, Scully. I'm happy for you. He seems like a nice guy."

"He said the same about you."

"Seriously? Should there really exist a male Scully on this planet who doesn't hate me?"

Instead of commenting, Dana places a gentle kiss on Mulder's cheek. It elicits a delighted smile from the man who in Charlie's head had been an ego-driven, reckless, unhinged sorry son of a bitch destroying his sister's career in his stubborn pursuit to find little green men until he was able to form a view of his own on the infamous Fox Mulder meeting him personally today for the first time.

"What was that for?" Mulder asks, obviously surprised by Dana's gesture of affection.

"For helping me through this, Mulder. For being my friend."

"Anytime, Scully."

"Yes, I know. That's what I mean."

Charlie watches his sister lean into her partner, and he can see that he is so much more than just an FBI partner - with or without a funny name. She puts her head on his shoulder and he pulls her closer with one of his long arms. What a cute couple, Charlie thinks. This is how she's been able to survive all this, with Mulder at her side. That she'd been taken care of by this man while he had been absent from her life makes it a little easier for Charlie to come to terms with what he'd done wrong. He smiles and puts his ear back to the receiver, his eyes still locked on the display of human compassion and love outside.

"Pardon, Aunt Roberta? The connection is a little wonky. What did you just say?"

He listens to her babbling some more and doesn't deem it worthy to interrupt her flood of words, but then she asks him something meaningful and he's happy to give her an honest answer.

"Yes, it definitely was the right decision to come back."

[survivorgalaxysedge]

Episode 6 | Your Social Game Is On 0! - MJ

WHOOPS I KINDA DID THAT, SORRY KEEGAN, YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG I JUST NEED EVERYONE ON THIS TEAM TO BE BFFS WITH ME

also just realized that at final 13 i know well over half of the people in the game..... love that for me!! -close with ali, jonathan, and zoe over here both separately & together -mj obvs -cindi and jay are known quantities -jules is great too -so only ones i don’t know.... silver, zach, asya, nathan & jessie i know i can work with at least half of the ones i know, probably more - only real question mark is cindi cuz she was a little sus originally, and jay i hope is still good but i think he and keegan were close so might have to work on explaining that one. but overall, i feel pretty well set for merge whenever it gets here, and hopefully the next couple votes can get rid of some of those ones i don’t know. onward and upward! we’ll see!!!

I don't really do much text confessionals but I just ranted in my host chat so I'm sending it here. ~~This Round~~ this round is gonna be fun, so much fun, and I won't have to do like any gameplay because I think regardless the trian tribe is going to tribal and I wanna see how that plays out, and then if my tribe goes to tribal I'm gonna dip out using my safety without power and let silver kill an og circi since he's gonna pull out that extra vote however, if asya or jules have an advantage / if mj flips that's fine with me too. I'm still debating playing the solar eclipse. I want to cause chaos, and for what? For no reason. *Moments Later* I spun a wheel to determine what I will do this round, and it landed on not playing the solar eclipse and noping out. that's what I'm doing. now you may ask for the strategic value of letting a circi die? Well, if a Circi goes (or two circis go if it's an andro/circi tribal), I'm suddenly 1/2 of my OG tribe left. People may want to pick me up and use me as a number since I will have no allegiance to anyone. This puts me in a lowkey kind of decent position if I lie and say I was gonna be voted out if I didn't safety w/o power. Also playing a safety without power and claiming the magnet would statistically mean I am less likely to have other advantages since other people had searches stockpiled for the swap I'll probably test the waters for a bit after immunity results and then play the magnet to make it look like it wasn't planned and I just got a bad feeling. In other words: I'm turning the crackhead dial-up, it's time for fun! I swear to god if we don't merge after this round I will scream. ~~Planning for the Future~~ oh my god it could be a 10 person merge. because the merge episode is usually episode 8. we're on 6 but that wouldn't make sense to prevent a 5 > 1 person tribe from occurring and 5 votes in a swap seems like a bit much. I feel like at this point I know I probably won't win this game but I'm gonna give them hell while I'm here playing well is boring People on this cast that will probably try to kill me: Cindi, Jay, Nathan, Maybe Jesse? I haven't really spoken much to MJ or Silver, chances are my closest ally is going home this round, Zoe Jonathan and Ari may pick me up if I'm from a minority tribe but dump me very quickly. From my POV the cards are not in my favor, all I have are my advantages so the path of chaos is more beneficial plus I'm sure it's spread I'm pretty good at immunities in merge so they're gonna try to take me out early on like round 1 or 2, So if I want any chance I need to play the following way Since I cannot depend on social connections as much as I normally would 1. Make sure my existing social connections are voted out so that I am not in the group where I don't have the best social connections but I have enough that it is worrisome 2. Play my advantages early in merge if I don't win immunity, cementing myself as a big target 3. Convince people that nobody will take me deep into the game because I have placed myself in the position of a big target 4. Try to get the people that would be 100% against me voted out, while also watching Andro tribe majority. Basically making Andro and Trian fight each other 5. Win immunities near the end and somehow make it deep??? That's my best case scenario at this point in my opinion.

So like we won immunity . Wow see what happens when we actually try? Isn’t that nice . Idc who goes really I can make new bonds or whatever with people if silver goes but in the ideal scenario he will stay. But tbh I have no power over what happens tonight so I don’t care. Hoping merge happens next 

ok so i have a little cute vote chat for me jules and mj. mj is spilling EVERYTHING abt his OG tribe including how they blindsided my wife pippa... rude. also abt his idol searches. he's a smart cookie and one to watch for but i also like him and need friends so<3

THIS SUCKS SO MUCHHHHHH ALI I AM SO SORRY

Having to remind myself that is entirely okay to be vengeful and even be blinded by revenge in these games. I've become way too soft for these things in the past couple of years. As of right now, tonight's tribal council should be 2-1-1, since Zach is skipping -- 2 votes for Silver (Asya, Jules), 1 vote Jules (Silver), and 1 vote Asya (me). If Silver's 50/50 coin lands on SAFE, the it’ll tie between Aysa and Jules and I think I’ll get auto-eliminated if it’s rocks instead of a 1v1 tiebreaker, and I’m OK with that I think! If it lands on NOT SAFE then Silver is leaving, period! And Silver deserves to leave, and I shouldn't feel nervous about taking this shot, no matter if it backfires or not. It makes me feel icky to think that Nathan, Jessie, and Silver were in cahoots from the very start and I didn't care enough to control my own game because I've become too accustomed to jellyfishing my way through ORGs to avoid being pinpointed as a leader or strategist. I'm putting my foot down tonight. I'm taking this shot and if it works, then it's merely the beginning of the end for half of the remaining cast as far as I'm concerned. If it backfires, then oh well, at least I tried something here. NO REGRETS! Anyway, just had the first alliance call with Aysa and Jules and it was great! Good vibes! We just chit-chatted and discussed strategy and previous dynamics. It will be a shame if we don’t get to push forward together after tonight. I’m also telling Silver right now not to play the 50/50 befcause if it doesn’t land on safe then the vote will be 3-2 if Aysa is lying; and if Aysa is telling the truth then he’s wasting a power that he could have later on. It kinda makes no sense for him to use the 50/50 considering the information he’s being told. I’m fine with pitching this to him because he said he was 100% gonna use it anyway, so me telling him not to will either leave things the same or result in him not using it at all. There’s no losing there. The only way to lose is if it lands on safe. The savage in me is saying, no MJ don’t let yourself get auto-eliminated if things go south, CUT JULES! And I realize that that’s exactly how I should be thinking given the first two lines of this confessional!!! But I wanna be a risk taker. I’m fine with this blowing up because the potential reward is greater than me being auto-eliminated. + Jack was rocked out last season so it would be cute to match that if it comes down to it! I hope it doesn’t, but it’s fine either way. I feel like this game owes me. Silver's 50/50 will not land on safe.

ALSO on this alliance call, I was informed that the adventure reset?!?!?!?! AND I HAVEN'T DONE THEM IN A WEEK???? LMFAOOOOO anyway.

AHHHH why did I volunteer to go first in the challenge ugh I remembered the wrong shit lol. But this tribal I dont think I have to use my 50/50 since asya doesn't wanna go to rock so she'll vote Jules with us. So yeah I think I'll be ok. Asya told me Jules is voting MJ. I'm just hoping this isnt gonna be a big blindside towards me but yeah wish me luck 

okay, here's the plan. silver has the glowing orb 50/50 coin thing. i expect him to play it. silver's voting me. im voting silver and so is asya. mj is king of the key here. if mj votes silver and the orb makes him safe, then im gone. if mj votes asya (hang on, ive just had a realization and just had to sit in silence for a while whilst i process it.) okay. if mj votes asya and the coin makes silver safe, it'll be 2-1-1, with a tie between me and asya. which im just now realizing could send it to rocks where mj would be the one leaving............. boy howdy, sure wish i knew how to count. okay, yeah. we'll just hope that the coin lands on NOT SAFE -or- he doesnt play it at all. mj and asya are telling him that they're voting me out, so maybe he'll feel comfy enough not to use it. i dont WANT asya to be voted out, but it's better than me or mj being the vote. if mj gets rocked out by default because i didnt realize how to count....... oops!!! but silver has a bunch of advantages, so him getting voted out would flush those out. asya has an immunity shard and id like to think that she'd will it to me if she gets voted out, but eye dee kay!

AHHH sorry this is coming so late but I've had a busy busy few days, and luckily I've avoided tribal during this time lol So before I was feeling a bit shaky on this tribe, I felt like everyone was more connected to each other than to me. But as it turns out, that's completely untrue and I feel very at the center of this tribe. Nathan and I have had multiple long talks recently where we've decided that we want to stick together deep into this game, and he's given me some info about how he and Silver gave up their immunity shards to Jessie, so she has an idol now. Cindi and I have a connection from our original tribe too and I've been keeping up on that relationship too. I gave her a clue I found during an expedition but nothing really came of it since it's, as far as I can tell, impossible to decipher. If we did end up going to tribal, I would have made a push to take out Jessie TBH, even though she has the idol. I feel like even if Nathan wasn't for it, they'd go for Cindi and not me. But luckily that doesn't matter because we're immune and likely heading for a merge in the next 30 minutes. And if not a merge, than another swap bc I think y'all hosts anticipated that one tribe could have lost all of the last 3 immunities and I don't think you want a 2 person tribe at the f11. But yeah I feel really good about my place in the game, I want Nathan to be my shield for the time being bc he's so vocal and strategic that he will always be a target ahead of me.

I have put so much work in to stay

I BETTER STAY

All this fighting for nothing smh <3 it is not looking good

[tmntheadcanons173]

Top Five Things that Make TMNT (2012) Utterly Horrible

A quick list of things that irk me about tmnt (2012) in no particular order. Also, I do not hate this series, I love it to bits, but there's quite a few bad things about it: 1. Toy gimmicks We all remember the filler episode where the turtle blimp was introduced. Or... Do we? The turtle blimp and many other inventions, characters, and items are used as toy gimmicks in tmnt. They're used once or twice, but never spoken of again, so we sadly sit there with our cheap plastic toys, wondering /why/ we spent $50 on a toy that was only shown once. 2. Fat "annoying" characters This is one that hits close to home, as I'm not exactly fit myself. Each character that is chubby or overweight is shown as either a bad or annoying character. Timothy is a great example. He's chubby and shown as an annoying and overbearing character that the turtles seem to downright despise. While I personally think he's awesome, most people do not care for him. But come on, if any of us met the turtles, we'd probably act jumpy and excited, too, and want to impress them. Another example is the fat old man who mutated into Spiderbite. He even has a bit of his stomach hanging over his pants. He's shown as an irritating and rude character. Everyone else in the show, who is skinny/fit, is usually shown as cool/wanted. 3. Animation flaws Is it just me, or the series's animation can be really shitty sometimes? The baby turtles episode made me cringe so hard, due to the way the turtles were shown, and GOD the voice acting is so horrible I wanted to cry. I know it could be cute in some aspects, but you have to agree with me when I say it could have been better. Usually, the animation is flawless and amazing, but if you re-watch the series, you'll catch a few mistakes and weird things during the episodes. 4. Ships Oh. My. God. The ships in this fandom are just,,, ugh. You guys know how much I hate Apriltello, so I'll only add that it's an abusive and horrible relationship that wants to make me barf. However, I can admit that the fanart is adorable. Kudos to you guys. The incest ships.... No. If you know me, you know I'm an open person and won't kick your ass if you ship a certain ship. I do dislike Apriltello, but I respect your ship and won't drool on you for liking it. However! If you ship incest, please unfollow my blog and reconsider what you're doing with life. This is not something you can argue. You cannot say "But you just gotta respect their ship!" No. Stop. This is the exact same thing as shipping an old man with a five year old girl. It's not okay in any sort of way. It's not cute, fluffy, sweet, or adorable. Siblings should NOT like each other in a sexual/romantic way. I shouldn't even have to say this, because it's so horrible, who would want to ship that?? How would you like it if someone shipped you are your sibling (or parent, if you don't have a sibling.) 5. Females in TMNT As a female, it physically PAINS me to see the array of females we have on the show. Let's have a look, shall we? April- Ah, yes, the queen bitch. She's a downright Mary Sue and while she could possibly be seen as a "badass, stubborn, cool girl," she's mainly stuck up and rude. She's yelled at Master Splinter, broke Donatello's heart so many times, he's now calling himself a freak, has super powers, nobody hates/dislikes her anymore, I could go on and on. Karai- Karai is definitely one of my favorite characters. She's independent, strong, and doesn't take shit, while not doing it in a snotty way, but also adding to her "Stubborn (in a good way) and rebellious teen girl," persona. The only thing I dislike is the Leo x Karai ship. It was cute at first, but became annoying to me very quick. It irked me that Karai, a badass and strong female, had yet again been paired with a male. Irma- Poor Irma. Sweet, sweet Irma. The first female that didn't have a love interest was actually a kranng. Of course. Her character was okay, it wasn't amazing, but wasn't bad. I feel like she could have been better, however. Tang Shen- Love interest and plot pusher. She could have been explored as her own character, but she was only used to develop Spinter's backstory. I do, however, think she's pretty damn awesome from what we saw of her. Mona Lisa- She's awesome! She's badass! She's sassy! She's kind and merciful! Buuutt, she's also Raph's pairing. No surprise there. Like always, the tmnt series drags in another "Blast From the Past," Easter egg, and totally ruins it. After becoming a love interest, Mona loses what makes her so awesome. Her persona is drained and becomes shriveled so badly, that I honestly wish she wasn't even in the series at all. If she wasn't a love interest, though, I'd love her to bits. Renet- How??? Do??? You??? Spell??? Her??? Name??? Anyways, yuck. Don't like her. Not in any way. She's a cute dork, I'll give her that, but god, her pairing with Mikey makes me barf. She has barley any quirks and anything special about her. The only thing about her that sticks out is that she likes Mikey. That's literally it. They could have done so much with her, but they failed terribly at this character. Shinigarmi- Hold on, I think I found another long and hard to spell name, maybe even worse than Renet. Anyways! I love her! She's great and awesome! I'm going to shove away her ship with Mikey, because that make me so fucking pissed because we literally cannot have ONE female without her being paired! But besides that, she's awesome. Her personality is defined and sharp. I love her connection with Karai, too, it really helps bring out a better side in her. Bigfoot- I'm not even going to say anything. This episode was a shit storm that I wish never existed. God help us all.

[iheartsurveys]

130

Do you have any bad relationship experiences from your past? Well I haven't been in any "relationships", at least not serious ones where I'm like "hey this is my boyfriend so and so". None of my dating experiences have been bad per se, but they also haven't been great. During they were fine, it's the towards the end/after that is eh. Basically dating in college is a waste of time if you're looking for something mildly serious/not tryna just hook up, and all the boys you talk to are. But they don't seem that way. Yeah idk I'm rambling now Will you ever be with the person you truly want to be with? Celeb crush of the moment is chris Pratt and no, sadly I do not think we will ever be together as he is married and also he's famous and I'm just me Do you have any relationship with the state of California? No What’s something about other people that drives you crazy? When they drive slow. Or walk slow. When they're rude. And loud. What are you doing? This. I was watching YouTube videos trying to stay up until midnight because I thought Harry's single would be out by then but according to twitter it's coming out at 12 pacific time? Ain't nobody got time for that, but also now I'm kind of awake so here I am doing this and I'll probably sleep after What are you wearing? Athletic shorts and a pocket tee Baseball is the best sport hands down…right? I like baseball but the best sport is hockey, duh Do you like chocolate? Loveeeee Like the movie Elf? Yeah it's alright Ok let’s talk travel, do you like to travel? Haven't done toooo much traveling but I'd love to Where have you been? Every state on the east coast between Connecticut and Florida, except for Georgia. Also west va, Ohio, and Arizona. And then Niagara Falls, Toronto and a couple different places in Italy. And technically England but I never left the airport. Next place you want to go? Might be going to Colorado for work in July so that's cool. I'd like to go on a cruise. Also England and California. And back to Florida to go to Disney and universal If you’re quiet what does it mean? It could mean nothing since I'm quiet a lot, depending on who I'm around. Or I could be mad or sad Something that makes you smile? Dogs Do you have trust issues? Yeah a little Do you mind watching chick flicks? Nah I love a good chick flick When’s your birthday? June 13 If you need a hug at 3 in the morning, who do you ask? Well if I'm home I probably wouldn't wake my mom up unless I was feeling ill, so I'd do nothing. And if I'm with friends I guess them? Idk I'm never up at 3 am anyways, even if I'm upset I just go to sleep Do you mind if people just show up at your house unannounced? None of my friends or anyone does that since we don't live in the same towns sooo idk. I hate when people do that trying to sell something Do you enjoy rain? Yes, as long as I don't have to go out in it Are you one of those people who are always tripping over things? Sometimes Would you ever consider taking evening classes in anything? Not right now...when I start my job (start date in July woohoo! Yay for knowing but boo that it takes forever, cons of my field) I won't really have the time Do you have any traits that you obviously inherited from your parents? I'm very similar to my mom, yes. And some like my dad as well Do you like sushi? I've had it like twice, it's eh. Probably haven't tried the right things Have any of your friends gotten engaged recently? Not a close friend but a fb friend just did a week or so ago Would you ever drop everything and go traveling for several months? Ugh I wish What’s your favorite thing from Olive Garden? The salad and breadsticks of course Is there a specific reason you’re not dating the last person you messaged? I'm not interested, she's in a relationship, and she's my bff Do you tend to get paranoid a lot? More like anxious but yes How many bedrooms are there in your house? Technically 4 but one is used as an office Have you ever built a sandcastle? Yes Do you use an instant messenger? If so, what is it? Just iMessage and fb messenger Do you watch reba? No I kind of hate Reba How many more days til your school is out? Not in school Do you listen to the hush sound? I did in high school. I still have some songs on my phone. Wine red was always the jam Do you drink a lot of soda? I cut down a lot but I do drink soda occasionally How do you look right now? I'm okay, my hair is a little cray since I let it air dry Were you taken last year on Valentine’s Day? When am I ever taken Do you remember who you were interested in around this time last year? It's been about a year since I first met Andrew, and I was interested a little bit after meeting him sooo yeah I suppose Would you rather date someone you think is cute, or someone who you think is hot? Either is fine? Or if you're one you can also be the other like how is someone hot but not cute...? Do you go to school currently? Nope When was the last time you cried? Why? Earlier today. I'm so lame I was watching the video of jimmy fallon and the rock at universal or wherever photobombing people at the tonight show ride or whatever while dressed as like mascots of themselves, and the last dude saw the rock mascot and was like whoa the rock my idol since I was 5 and then when he took off the head and the guy realized the rock was actually right there he cried and I cried idk why it was so cute I cry at random things Have you ever thought of killing yourself? No Who was the last person to call you? My mom probably Did you make a best friend in high school? The people that were my best friends in high school I was friends with since middle school. But I don't talk to any of them really anymore, especially since I moved after sophomore year. And I didn't make best friends and my new high school. But I made best friends in college so that's cool You’re currently listening to? Nothing. I have a Mumford & sons song stuck in my head so that. It's The Cave Who are you expecting a call from? No one When will your next kiss take place? Who knows What are you feeling right now? Sleepy Do you have any homework to do? Lol no When was the last time you smiled? Little while ago Do you like anyone? No Are you afraid of roller coasters? Just the super scary ones...like kingda ka at great adventure is one you'll never see me on nope no sir I hate roller coasters like that Do you know any songs that remind you of summer? Sure. Like summer by Calvin Harris. Or shut up and dance because I remember they played that nonstop all summer. What were you doing at 7:00 AM? Sleeping Can you keep a secret? Yes Do Italian/French/Spanish accents turn you on? French accents are eh Do you hate the last girl you had a conversation with? No Did you speak to your mother today? We speak every day Do you have plans tomorrow? Yep I have some errands to run Were you happy when you woke up today? I was surprised because I slept until like 10:40. It was rainy this morning and I have black out curtains so my room was super dark I didn't even realize it was so late Are you missing someone? A little Where were you at 3:00 AM this morning? It technically hasn't been 3 today yet, but I can tell you I'll be in bed, not listening to sign of the times because a girl has to sleep What’s your favorite coffee shop? Dunkin What’s your opinion on cinnamon rolls?: Loveeee Have you ever taken a bath with someone? No What’s your grandma’s name?: Maternal was Elizabeth, paternal was carol Where is your biological father right now?: I'd assume home Do you have any freckles?: Yep a bunch of random ones Do you like orange juice?: Yes Did you watch the Cosby Show when you were younger?: Sometimes if it was on nick at night Have you ever dated someone as a rebound from your old relationship? No Which of your exes is the best looking? Andrew What would you do if your ex broke down and told you he loved you? I'd say lollll that's weird since weren't like that and haven't spoken in forever You & your last ex, who should hate who? If anyone is hating anyone, I should hate him over him hating me but I don't hate him because while I was upset we dwindled away, it was never super serious or like talks of it being really serious? Idk it was one of those weird in between things Does rebounding really help at all? Can't imagine it would Where did your last ex ask you out? As I've said 1000 times we were never bf/gf...we actually got set up as formal dates through a mutual friend, and before formal weekend we texted and he asked me to grab Starbucks since like just rolling up to formal never meeting is odd. Getting set up is odd too but it was honestly a fun weekend Have you ever seen somebody get arrested? I don't think so Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Sure Do you like it when friends are comfortable with dropping by unexpectedly? I said before no one does that to me, and I also don't do that to them soooo