#ugh i Wish the other one was sunseeker

[adharastarlight]

So, I have proof that the universe (or at least magnum) ships jegulus:

[johnwaterstrike]

...And A Protector’s Will (part 4)

Has it really been so long since I last wrote in this. I guess life and having a couple of other souls in you can make time fly. Ugh, that probably not as funny as I wish it could be. I still miss Howl's presence greatly and it worries me that his room is empty. I try not to ask for fear of what Warren will say if I ask were Howl is and I feel horrible enough that I had not realize that he is gone. I can't use the excuse for being busy, as his best friend, I should have realize, known that something was wrong. I feel that I fail him in some way and I do not know how to make it right. As for why I'm still in the infirmary and not heading for the 'Sisters' meeting yet. I had to use my 'gift' to help Sizha, though it concern me that Sizha seem to also have dream as well. Perhaps his mind and Sizha'to own presence was what pull him into it as well. To relieve Calamity again but through another's eyes has cause my own heart and the aetherical wound there to ache from my sister's death. It also hurt that I could not 'stop' their parents death, though I know that is not how my gift works. I can only observe what takes place and gleam insight on how to help the person to deal with it. Sizha'to was right, the anger and hate that was infection the memories had to be lance open, even it it hurt Sizha to remember what he and his brother said to each other out of pain and anger from their parents death. I can only hope that he can start to heal now and that Sizha'to and I can make him realize he truly hadn't meant it. I'm sure once we find his brother, the true healing begin, for all 'three' of them. Sizha'to, he is my greatest concern right now. Though he is the other half of Sizha he is his own persona as well. I see one of two things happening when Sizha starts to heal. He will either fight to remain himself, which would hurt both of them, and though they are two half of the same soul.... *writing trails off as if he left in a hurry*

Sorry, was almost late for the Sisters meeting which didn't take place. I'm settle on the step outside so I can finish up this. As I was writing earlier, though Sizha'to and Sizha are two side of the same Gil, Sizha'to is too form for them to truly to fit back together. I don't have a problem with it as Sizha'to seem not to wish to cause harm. The others might have to be brought more gentle around to him. I just hope that Khy doesn't try to push to get rid of him as that could cause damage as well. My worry is that Sizha'to may feel that he isn't needed or wanted and try to rejoin with Sizha. Once again, this could be a problem with Sizha'to is to form to fit back into Sizha's personality. If nothing else, the two will know that they have an ally with me. The first thing I'll do while the two are healing from the wound that I lance, I'll head for the Shroud and start making inquiries about Sizha's brother. I can only hope that someone will remember the two brothers and might give me a clue as to where G'azierth might be, and well, I might also luck out with word on someone that might have saw a blond Sunseeker as well. As for the other thing that I going to write about, Sam was able to find Micky's notes and well, Dad isn't happy with the whole lot of us. From what he was able to translate from the changes that Micky himself did to it. It was a spell that was was to cascade through the members of the group, with one death leading to the others dying right after, releasing their aether in a way to rip open a void gate. I don't blame Dad for being mad, Sam was just as upset about it as well. But it seem that Micky realize that something was odd about the spell and change it enough that our aether would be release back into the lifestream. Dad's concern is that when we didn't die at the moment that Micky did, that either the 'person' that lead Micky to the spell thought that there wasn't enough aether to cause the cascade effect or that we were better able to handle the extra amount of aether in us. Dad thinks now that the others deaths might not have been accidents. And I could tell that something happen when Sam went after the book because Ax is staying far too close and I can see the damage done to the edge of his ax as well. It does seem that the way to break it is to have a willing sacrifice but I know how that may turn out...if we even see that attack coming. Dad is going to work on a better counter spell to beak it without either of us willingly throwing our lives away for the other. I fear that we might now have a choice in the matter. We'll handle it, like we always done. I'm not going to get the others hurt because of what we did when we were all too young and stupid to realize the dangers that this joining spell would cause. I and Sam don't want our deaths to cause more harm.